#pathological doubts of ocd

[belong2human-kind]

Hey guys! Clara, echoflower, here! :')

This going to be a really long post and it contains my view of my disorder OCD and it can be triggering to some, so I already apologize for the length and also for possible triggers :(

I've been offline from tumblr because there's too many things happening in my life, and although I'm not really depressed again, I don't think I can engage in the things I love the most on here, which is my fandoms like Rebels, SW, deltarune, undertale, Avatar and so many more you know? As much as I want to be active here because these things bring me so much joy, I don't think I have the energy to do it for now :(

I know I've mentioned quite sometimes here, but I have OCD and GAD since my whole life, and many of my behaviors are still influenced by them because although I'm in treatment and I do see many positive results, I only discovered OCD too late in life, in my 19s during covid when I almost got through a psychotic episode. OCD makes you question reality in such a sick way that, if you don't have support and don't have the diagnosis, you can experience a disconnection from reality since you question your whole self and the world around you. It's much more deep than just checking the doorknob 3 times to make sure it's locked, because it is never only 3 times. Maybe 4, maybe 6, maybe 7 or you skip to 12, but never really only 3. You engage in compulsions and you know that they do not make any sense, you see the door locked in front of you, but it's like a feeling. It doesn't feel like it's locked. And these types of questioning can suddenly change to other topics because this is one of OCD specialties, right? To infiltrate in everything you know and believe and twist that against you, making you doubt yourself and your reality around, making you feel confused and guilty. I have pretty bad themes on my ocd like "What if I hurt someone I love while I'm holding a knife or scissor??" And I have this one, followed by horrifying intrusive realistic thoughts that show me performing the action I despise the most, and to avoid the thought or relieve the stress of it, I need to do something. Sometimes, screaming "no, I won't do it" out loud, sometimes avoidance. I stopped using any really pointed and sharp scissors and knives at age of 7 to 8 years. And the thing about engaging in compulsions is that, it helps, momentarily, but it gets worst as time passes by. And the thoughts can turn into more monstrous things, like "Imagine if you kissed your parent romantically??" "Oh this person that passed through me was good looking... Did I just cheat on my boyfriend? I think I did..." and other what ifs and pathological doubts that never ends and can apply to anything, specially the things you care the most about. If you value honesty, then OCD makes you feel a liar. If you're certain you are someone good, ocd doubts that until you question your own actions, all of them, even the smallest ones like touching your nose. If you are afraid of being sick or catching microorganisms (thankfully I don't have this type because I could probably never engage in biology and microbiology, my passions) you become hyper aware of any normal thing in your body, they become signals of something that isn't there, but you can't believe it because it feels like it is. It's like experiencing your worst nightmares repeating on an endless spiral in your mind, daily.

And as time passes with you being in the dark and not understanding why you do this although you know it's illogical and you don't really want to do, the more you spend your life without the knowledge that you have this disorder and consequently without the properly treatment, the more time it takes to heal all the damage. And sadly, I'm 21 now. I've been just "weird Clara with weird superstitions and rituals" for 19 years but I've been "Clara, who has OCD diagnosed and treated" for almost 3 years now. The process is slow, it's full of ups and downs, and I had very meaningful losses in my life during the pandemic years, which impacted negatively on my healing :(

I lost my dad, my dog and the other closest person in my house (which I already mentioned in private to some but won't say publicly because of my mystical OCD and the belief that if I mention her name I'll deem her bc of my fault) is fighting cancer rn, metastic one, and her treatment is having ups and downs that makes me feel so so bad... some days I'm just hopless, you know?

I was recently also confirmed to my old suspecting of ADHD. I had it all my life, but my OCD and generalized anxiety made it difficult to notice. Now that they are much more controlled, adhd is so so loud and I was in the dark, not knowing why I was so lazy, why I would forget to drink and eat, forget to go to the bathroom and take baths, brush my teeth, forget to feed my so beloved pets... now I know, but some relatives like aunts and uncles still don't have the patience to deal with it. I'm trying to get better, but because of OCD and GAD, I cannot treat ADHD, since they are opposite medications 🥲 so I guess I'll just have to find ways to compensate my chronically lateness, lack of time understanding and lack of energy to exist someday too, to simply get out of bed even though you want to do so many things.

Anyways, this post is already super long, but I just want to update you all and thank for all the amazing friends I've got here, and all the prayers and support as well. I used to be (still am a little) super shy to post my things, but the Rebels fan community received me so lovingly that I got confident to post my arts 🥺 I really adore you all guys 🌻

I intend to be back as soon as possible, I just really need to get my life together, that by now is a chaos 🥲 but I'm sure I'll be around when Ahsoka goes on air bc my hyperfixation on Bine and Ezra will be back!! Lol 🥲

I hope you all are doing great! Miss you all guys 🌻

[achimancosujpg]

“Will loved his quiet little life, he didn’t think anything was missing from it, and he wasn’t looking forward to any of that useless adrenaline or danger kids his age were always after. He definitely wasn’t looking forward to becoming a father at only 18 years old either.”

Will, 23, is a single father of a four years old girl named Bianca and a pathological people pleaser, always worried about what others might think of him and selfless beyond words.

Nico, 20, is a professional ice skater recognised internationally because of his talent. Other than a dark past he doesn't like to talk about, he's just out of a toxic relationship and also struggling with an eating disorder and undiagnosed OCD.

When they meet, Will starts to question if there is actually someone who's able to understand him for who he truly is, and starts doubting that, in the end, he might not be a lone star.

This is a drawing for the amazing solangelo fan fiction my boyfriend wrote! Its name is “lone star” and i’ve linked it on this post. Check it out! The characters are so cool and well portrayed. The character development is crazy!! It’s really worth it.

[skittlespizza]

poking you like a cat, what's pathologic about? ^_^ like generally story-wise

HEHEBE OKAY WAIT SO it's about a town more than anything. The town is calles the Town-On-Gorkhon (Gorkhon = River in the Steppe language)

Here's some screenshots from the second game. The entire story focuses on the town as it's ravaged by a plague called the sand pest. The game itself is weird, trippy and no one speaks right. Has a huge cast of characters, several queer side plots and more.

This intro is from the first game. It introduces you to the main characters you play as.

Daniil Dankovsky, the one with black hair and the gloves is the first protagainst. He's a doctor who wants to cure death and goes to the ToG to try and talk with a man who's "supposedly" immortal. He dies before Daniil can talk to him. He plans to go home afterwards but then the plague- the Sand Pest- begins to spread and the trains halt. No one is allowed in or out. He spends the game being manipulated by those in power. He's annoying, he's awful, he's a bitch bastard who is incredibly selfish but deep down he has a heart of gold. His story is about Capitalism and how it kills passion. How politics uses people as pawns and how we have no control over what we can and can't do under a dictatorship. This game was made in Russia for context. Daniil is a complex character rooted in self doubt, self worth and even his racism. He's not a good person but he tries.

I didn't mention this earlier, but when you aren't playing as one of the healers, they still do their own things and follow vaguely the same story but make all the worst choices. Artemy is a mixed race indigenous man who is returning home after years studying at the Capital (same place that Daniil comes from). He's the son of Isidor Burakh- one of the people that Daniil wanted to interview about immortality. Artemy is immediately accused of Patricide and spends the game trying to clear his innocence, balance his life between his indigenous Kin roots and his whiteness. His father was the folk medicine doctor to the Kin and left all his stuff to Artemy. Artemy is a story about family and love more than anything. He adopts two kids, helps unite the town and Kin (or in the 2nd game, he's forced to choose between the two), while also dealing with the grief of losing his last family member.

Clara is my favorite. She's a girl who- well. Okay. To put it simply, she woke up in a grave and suddenly has consciousness but no memories. No identity (wow) and is forced to deal with the adults who use her. She has the magic ability to cure people of the plague but in turn, she takes on their pain. Clara is a story about teenage abuse. The adults in the Town use her for their own gain. She's neglected, called useless, forced into homelessness and has the weight of the world on her shoulders because the adults can't take care of her. She's also expected to cure the plague as well. She has always been my favorite and means so much to me for so many reasons but especially if you have a disassociative disorder. She has an evil twin sister who does things in her name and she can't control it. She is an ocd allegory. She's a teenage abuse allegory. She's a girl trying to find her identity when all the adults push labels onto her.

The game itself is a survival horror game. I highly recommend it if you like stories about the plague, russian literature, theatre or philosophy. All of the side characters mean a lot to me too, Anna Angel in specific. Quick thing though, the game is REALLY FUCKING DIFFICULT and unfair. If you know the game F&H imagine that as a first person survival game. The game is not easy and that's the point. You will kill, you will rob and you will do awful things just to live. You're in a hopeless town that wants you dead. You are nothing but a human. A doctor.

Beautiful game, amazing soundtrack, wonderful characters. I've loved this game for four years now and no game will ever mean as much as this game has and 100% you should watch a video essay on it.

[poolpvrty]

Favourite underrated character/headcanons about them??

had to take a minute to think about this because I'm honestly not sure... maybe peter? i don't have too many headcanons for him because i really enjoy his personality/character in canon and i don't want to mess with it too much, but i do have a few!

he grew up sheltered with only his mother for company, no sisters or brothers and no father figure. i like the idea that his mom has some sort of mental illness (severe and dibilitating contamination OCD, bipolar disorder with psychotic features, maybe munchausen by proxy) and this leads to their relationship morphing into something wildly unhealthy. peter is rarely let out of the house due to his mother's varying fears and he's forced to take on an almost care taker role with her, despite him only being a kid.

↑ this leads to his own issues being overlooked/never seen by anyone other than his mother. I've seen the hc that peter is a psychopath or a sociopath a few times, and i do think it's really intriguing. like i can totally get behind him being a sociopath and hiding it from his friends for years. but i like the idea of peter just being a selfish, unopinionated coward with no clinical reason for it way more. but i subscribe to both visions.

he has the biggest, most disgustingly obsessive crush on james. it developed very early on in their friendship, and it only gets worse as the years go by. he silently despises lily/anyone james gets romantically involved with because he's so unbelievably devoted to james it's actually a little insane. I'm talking genuine worship. james potter can do absolutely no wrong in peter's eyes, he is a saint among men and nobody can love him the way peter loves him. the first time peter ever has thoughts of harming others is when lily insults james publicly for the first time because how dare she say anything negative about the most perfect person alive

adding onto this: i hc that peter is bisexual but male leaning. however, I've seen him as demisexual/demiromantic before and i really like that, too! although, i don't think peter would actively try to find a label that aligns with his feelings. i don't even think it would be something he thinks about, he just is who he is and he's fine with that. i can picture remus one day mentioning/describing the term bisexual to the group and peter briefly thinks something like "oh yeah that's me i guess" before moving on completely but that's pretty much it.

he's pretty much average in most school subjects, but out of his friends he's the best at arithmancy and ancient runes. peter isn't nearly as academically or strategically intelligent as the other 3 boys but he isn't a complete idiot!! he did just fine in school, passed most of his exams, and was a solid part of the marauders joint mischief making (he was their friend for a reason guys, c'mon...) i also really like the hc that while, yes, sirius james and remus were better in classes than him, peter was talented at thinking on the fly. much more than they were. he's a huge procrastinator and pressure drives him to not only complete tasks, but to do them well. the other boys look to him in times of crises (eg. escaping filch, lying to teachers, etc.) because peters brain just works faster than theirs do when adrenaline is pumping.

he's a fantastic liar. i mean truly, it's absurd and a little scary. the boys used to treat it as some sort of joke because they often underestimated him, but peter is a very talented manipulator. if sirius is good at charming those around him, peter is good at straight up gaslighting you and making you doubt yourself/your memory. he's so meek and quiet and kind that you really wouldn't expect it, but that's exactly why it works so well for him. he's an observer, he gages peoples emotions with ease because he's always watching and listening, he knows how to act and what to say to make you feel crazy. and he does it for fun sometimes. i like thinking he's a pathological liar, too (sirius is the only one who picks up on this, and it's part of the reason why he asks him to be secret keeper instead → 1. he's less noticable as a person, 2. peter is literally so good at talking his way out of things he'd be fine regardless).

i have more thoughts on peter but these are probably my favorite things to think about! especially the bit with his mom. i rarely see anyone giving headcanons for his upbringing/home life and it kinda irks me... me personally, i picture young peter as this kinda morally repugnant ten year old staring longingly out his bedroom window at the neighborhood kids. because he desperately wants friends but he literally isn't allowed to leave the house... and also people sort of terrify him. meanwhile his mother has her face against their kitchen floor scrubbing at the tiles with a tooth brush and bleach. he's talking her down from a complete mental breakdown whenever she's convinced she somehow accidentally put a dead animal in their dinner and he's helping her clean their already basically sterile bathroom on christmas eve. the whole situation is so unhealthy and toxic and suffocating... but it's consequences are so fun to think about

[haedraulics]

Man I was on ur Twitter and first of all a solid cringe towards commenter, 0/10 behavior (im so curious for screenshots but understandable if you want to keep that close) and second of all autistic Erwin so true and valid— he’s got the masking down to a T

Idk why Levi is the one so hc as neurodivergent tbh, I see him as the more resolutely neurotypical one but to make up for it he has a million other flavors of things up with him

bahaha yeah that was a funny tiff, definitely not the most egregious thing that you can encounter online but for sure a charming reminder of all the personalities in fandom.

erwin being on the spectrum is so intuitive to me at this point, like it's as embedded in my characterization of him as levi's transness is to him GRAH the way that he's a character who feels so deeply but struggles to communicate his compassion, and so defers to letting people assume that he's cold and unfeeling 😭the way he overcompensates for it through his overly polite speech, the way he oscillates between unflinching conviction and abject self-defeatism it's so GOOOOODDDD AAAGGHHH

as for neurodivergent levi headcanons, i obviously don't have a problem with people doing transformative fiction, but i do think it's pretty typical of the way that people tend to project onto levi by emphasizing and elaborating on his internal character struggles. sometimes that comes in the form of pathologizing some of his peculiarities (giving him anger issues or cleaning OCD, for example), or it's just in terms of classic whump tropes where he suffers inordinately for the sake of reader/author catharsis. not to say that i'm at all innocent of this with erwin though LMAO

personally, i do agree with you that levi is the more 'neurotypical' between him and erwin, though 'neurotypical' doesn't mean normal or even relatable. he's definitely a very extreme guy who is alarmingly efficient at tactical dissociation (the way soldiers are trained to dehumanize their targets, but levi probably adopted this way of thinking in order to survive, and can draw upon it easily to torture and maim if so ordered). regardless, he's been shown as consistently capable of making level-headed decisions at the inattention to his own emotional needs- the one exception, of course, being his choice in midnight sun. gay people and the apocalyptic implications of their love oh my god.

anyway my general take on levi is that he basically has himself sorted out, and the struggles that we see him undergo in canon are primarily external ones that serve to test or refine his pre-existing principles. he falls into self-doubt in momentary bursts, but i can't recall when he's allowed those feelings to seriously impede on his ability to act, or when those feelings became a holistic warping of reality, like how erwin experiences them. what's important to note about erwin is that he doesn't just dislike himself, it's that his guilt and self-loathing is so total that it disrupts his ability to objectively perceive reality. he'll take the least charitable self-narrative over the most accurate one, in basically every instance ;;;;;;

but i ramble 🙈thank you for the interesting ask anon! i'm glad i could blather about these characters again :'D

[silenthillmutual]

🌈💫🍉🤍?

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I started writing this fic for Danganronpa that was going to have just so much work put into it - my goal with it was to make every chapter at least 10k, so I'd have 100k or more by the end of the project. I had a lot of ideas in terms of where I wanted to go with it, including this being I think the first time I was genuinely going to write a character struggling with the parts of OCD we don't really talk about. That OCD part was the hardest on me, because it's difficult to talk about some aspects of OCD without people thinking you're some kind of predator.

...and no one will ever know how difficult this fic would have been for me to accomplish, because it's on indefinite haitus. I still have the notes for this fic. I'm not orphaning it. I know the person who caused problems in the comments has since apologized, so I'm not holding it against them, but I am holding it against fandom in general and Danganronpa fandom in particular for its massive transmisogyny issue.

Maybe one day I'll go back and revamp/finish it, but that's not happening anytime soon and the comments will stay locked for moderation. I'm not dealing with that again.

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

I absolutely love when people liveblog their reactions to me. Even if that means copy/pasting half the fic back in the comments section! It works really good as feedback too, because I can look at what I was doing for that sentence/paragraph/whatever and learn to do whatever it is more often. Positive reinforcement!

🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?

Lots of different ways. I've written recovery fic on long-dead accounts. I've started fic that's never been published and probably never will be about characters discovering their gender. I've written about the struggle of finding good medications and the heartbreak that comes with being kicked out of the house and abandoned by your parents (both orphaned works). I think the most obvious example out there though is the OCD Dankovsky fic, and the aforementioned long Danganronpa fic that featured a character struggling with OCD. Both were written with the intention of explaining what dealing with OCD is like for me. I've also written vent & comfort fic (for Danganronpa, Pathologic and Bloodborne) and sometimes I just... write as a method of getting my anxieties out. Writing has always been my best outlet. And prose has gotten easier for me to write over the years than poetry.

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

I don't know that there is one! I kind of wish more people liked the only Saw fic I've written, but I doubt it's because people don't "get" it as much as it being in second person is offputting to a lot of people and generally just... might not be very good, lol. Although, oh - the toothbrushing Artemy/Daniil fic I wrote for my partner. I don't think a lot of people get the appeal of toothbrushing. Which is fine, really, I'm sure that comes across as strange to a lot of people. It's not trope/kink/whatever you see often, so it's fine if people don't really "get" it. That was for an audience of one, and the fact that anyone even read it is enough for me.

fic writer asks ~

[sanjeevaniclinic1]

Unwanted Thoughts & Repetitive Actions? It Could Be OCD Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition that affects millions of people worldwide. Characterized by unwanted thoughts and repetitive actions, OCD can significantly impact daily life. Understanding OCD, recognizing its symptoms, and seeking appropriate medical care, such as that provided by the Best Multispecialty Hospital in Ghaziabad, can lead to better management and improved quality of life.

What is OCD? OCD is a chronic condition where individuals experience persistent, unwanted thoughts (obsessions) and feel compelled to perform certain actions (compulsions) to alleviate the anxiety these thoughts provoke. These repetitive actions often disrupt daily activities and can cause significant distress.

Common Symptoms Obsessions:

Fear of contamination or germs. Unwanted aggressive or sexual thoughts. Excessive doubt and need for reassurance. Preoccupation with symmetry, order, or exactness. Compulsions:

Excessive cleaning or handwashing. Repeatedly checking things (e.g., locks, appliances). Counting, tapping, or repeating certain actions. Hoarding items. If you or someone you know exhibits these symptoms, seeking professional help is crucial. The Best Hospital in Ghaziabad, such as Sanjeevani Clinic, offers comprehensive treatment plans for OCD.

Diagnosis and Treatment Diagnosis of OCD typically involves a thorough evaluation by a mental health professional, including a psychological assessment and discussion of symptoms. Early diagnosis and intervention can greatly improve outcomes.

Treatment Options:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Particularly effective for OCD, CBT helps individuals challenge and change their obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors.

Medication: Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are commonly prescribed to help reduce symptoms.

Combination Therapy: A mix of CBT and medication often yields the best results.

For those seeking reliable diagnosis and treatment, the Best Multispecialty Hospital in Ghaziabad and the Best Pathology Lab in Ghaziabad are equipped with experienced professionals to provide excellent care.

When to Seek Help If OCD symptoms interfere with daily life, it’s essential to seek help from a healthcare provider. Sanjeevani Clinic in Ghaziabad offers specialized care for mental health conditions, ensuring patients receive the support they need.

Related Healthcare Services OCD often coexists with other health issues, including ENT problems like ear infections, sinusitis, and throat problems. The ENT Specialist at Sanjeevani Clinic can address these issues comprehensively. Whether it’s treating ear infections, managing sinusitis, or addressing throat problems, the clinic provides holistic medical care. For those searching for the Best ENT Specialist near me, Sanjeevani Clinic stands out for its expertise and patient-centered approach.

Importance of Health Awareness Raising awareness about OCD and other health conditions is crucial. Understanding symptoms, knowing when to seek help, and accessing quality care can make a significant difference. Healthcare providers like Sanjeevani Clinic play a vital role in promoting health awareness and offering top-notch medical care.

Conclusion Unwanted thoughts and repetitive actions may signal OCD, a condition that requires professional attention. With proper diagnosis and treatment available at the Best Hospital in Ghaziabad, individuals can manage their symptoms and lead fulfilling lives. Sanjeevani Clinic, known for its comprehensive medical services, is an excellent choice for those seeking help with OCD and related health issues. Remember, early intervention and quality care are key to overcoming OCD and maintaining overall health and well-being. Stay healthy, stay aware, and seek the best care available.

For more information, contact Sanjeevani Clinic in Ghaziabad, the hub of excellent medical care and expertise. Get well soon!

Sanjeevani Multispeciality Clinic.

Address: SE-2 Basement Floor, Hapur Rd, near Indian Oil Petrol Pump, E Block, Shastri Nagar, Ghaziabad, Uttar Pradesh 201002

Phone: 088822 40830

Website: https://sanjeevanihealthcare.in/

[jalousie-gd4]

week 2 update: "jalousie" research expanded into jealousy beyond the window (january 16, 2024)

[continuing on from my expanded thought on diving further into jealousy - more research and notes]

definition of jealousy: {merriam-webster} a jealous disposition, attitude, feeling --or-- zealous vengeance.

I wanted to find out what are most people jealous of, and found a forum on {quora}:

examples including:

wealth/economic wellbeing: not living paycheck to paycheck, driving luxury cars, being debt-free, can afford travel expenses

intelligence: able to grasp concepts/information quickly or have vast knowledge on a subject

social skills: people who are able to get anyone to like them, get members of the opposite sex interested/attracted, or have friends everywhere

happiness: people who are always happy, finding their purpose and enjoying life, bounce back and overcome failures and depression, overall good mental health

careers: having a top/high paying job in a recognized/respected career field (finance, business, health and medicine, engineering and tech, etc) or a job that leads to fame and success (actor, musician, professional athlete, model, etc)

health: people hardly/never effected by disease, never need to pay for devices like glasses and braces, speech therapy

looks: people with high metabolism that can eat whatever and still maintain a good figure, having clear skin, adhering to society's beauty standards

accomplishments: people who who have made a name for themselves in their chosen careers, making a notable impact on the world, winning awards (nobel prize, olympic medal, grand slams, oscars, etc)

reputation: people who have not done anything wrong, be a law abiding citizen, no criminal record, trustworthy, legend in sport or career, giving back to those in need, selflessness

talents: gifted musically, in art, in sport, in academics, in what they do, speaking multiple languages (polyglot)

next i wanted to tackle: what is jealousy? types of jealousy? how to spot feelings of jealousy? {verywellmind}

jealousy is a perceived threat to an interpersonal relationship

- accompanied by resentment, anger, hostility, inadequacy, bitterness that ranges in intensity - if severe, irrational jealousy can lead to distrust, paranoia, abuse, or physical violence

characteristics of jealousy - how it can manifest in relationships

- acting obsessive, criticizing, fault finding, blaming, feeling distrust, being overprotective or suspicious, experiencing a quick temper, verbally abusing

health complications of jealousy

- stomach aches, headaches, chest pain, high blood pressure, palpitation in extreme anxiety, weight gain or loss, insomnia or sleep disturbance, poor appetite, weakened immunity

jealousy and mental health

- anxiety disorders, attachment issues, borderline personality disorder, depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), paranoia, psychosis, schizophrenia

the six types of jealousy:

rational jealousy: when there is genuine, reasonable doubt, especially when you love a partner and fear losing them, rational jealousy can appear.

family jealousy: occurs between family, such as siblings. when a baby is born, a sibling may feel jealous as the attention of the parents shifts to the new baby.

pathological jealousy: irrational type of jealousy. unhealthy feelings may result from an underlying health disorder with signs including extreme insecurity and a desire to control or manipulate.

sexual jealousy: fear that a partner has been unfaithful and engaged in physical infidelity; you may become suspicious.

romantic jealousy: can result from a real or imagined threat to a romantic relationship, resulting in jealous thoughts or reactions.

power jealousy: stems from personal insecurity. jealous of someone who has what you want. when a coworker receives a promotion or reward that you wish to receive, you may become jealous.

looking into three prime reasons why people get jealous {psychology-today}:

1. insecurity: the most common source of jealousy

- inferiority complex - not a clinical term but an underlying impoverished ego or low self esteem - not absolute in men and women

2. obsessive thinking

- thinking style, tendency to overthink and obsess about things inevitably - for obsessive types the hardest thing to manage is uncertainty, can't tolerate the unknown

3. paranoid personality

- men and women with mild or moderate paranoia have great difficulty trusting others and often tend to ponder malicious intent to others' motives - have a personality type that leads them to feel victimized and persecuted, feeling like people are out to get them; sabotage them, their goals, their career. - perceive others have put them down, rejected them, or patronized them even when people tell them otherwise - blaming others, assigning blame to others as opposed to reflecting snd taking accountability of their own flaws or mistakes - get jealous and grasp to a strong belief and no amount of evidence could convince them otherwise

reality

- pattern of jealousy leads to a label/reputation as a jealous person - instincts signaling you can't trust someone could label you the "jealous type"

causes of jealousy {verywellmind}:

insecure or poor self-image, fear abandonment or betrayal, intense possessiveness or desire for control, misguided sense of ownership over a partner, unrealistic relationship expectations, reliving a hurtful experience of abandonment in the past, worrying about losing someone or something important

treatment for jealousy and ways to cope {verywellmind}:

psychotherapy or medication to treat

confront your fears, address you expectations, practice gratitude, be open and honest, and practice mindfulness as ways to cope

pics of written notes to be converted to this post:

[duodiyet]

Is OCD Truly Neurodivergent?

Neurodivergence is a term that encompasses a wide range of neurological conditions, including autism, ADHD, and dyslexia. It refers to individuals whose brain structures and functions differ from typical or neurotypical.  These differences can manifest in various ways, such as atypical sensory processing, social communication challenges, and unique patterns of thinking and learning. OCD is a mental disorder typified by intrusive thoughts, obsessions, and repetitive behaviors, compulsions. People with OCD often experience intense anxiety and distress when they cannot perform these compulsions.  Common obsessions include fears of contamination, doubts about safety, and a need for symmetry and order. Compulsions may involve excessive handwashing, checking locks repeatedly, or counting objects repeatedly.

Neurodivergent perspective

The neurodivergent perspective on mental health conditions challenges the traditional understanding of these conditions as disorders that must be fixed or cured. Instead, it emphasizes the inherent neurological differences and the need for acceptance and accommodation.  Neurodivergent individuals argue that their unique ways of thinking and experiencing the world should be respected and valued rather than pathologized.

Read the full article

[oneohtrixpointalwaysunderscore]

This is not an arg. I am actually killing these people:

sunson         sun son

Consumed, sacrament sacrifice titanic kronos

oooooooooooooooooo

her loved ones all.

in a bag, exploding corpse pustules wreck me with ADAM TWITCH ADAM i will pull your soul from the grave none who follow will be safe. This is real life. Be Careful. 907 hanoi norman bowker tim obrien words words words.

Mexizachet: Missing

Gavin Mckinnes: Machete to the face

When I was born I was healthy, I had good self-esteem and a great desire to love, but the world took me in a completely different direction. I experienced the first rejection from women in kindergarten, but it was not traumatic in any way. First of all, I think it is necessary to talk about my middle school years, in which I was much uglier (I also had many pimples), but above all I was very thin and I wasn't interested in football and similar things. My schoolmates always mocked me, to make me feel bad they told me I was gay and they had sexual fantasies about penetrating me. This harassment led my obsessive mind to a first very serious moment of crisis, in which I suffered for years from the pathological doubt of being gay or not, the so-called homosexual OCD. After an endless series of searches done on the internet, I managed to overcome this. But the addiction to pornography unfortunately has always remained. Moving on to my high school years, there were many rejections and episodes in which women treated me badly, but I will only mention the two most significant ones to avoid writing a too long text. At 17, I said without thinking too much that I had never had a girlfriend, never even kissed, so a girl present there teased me and insulted me in a very heavy way for this. In the meantime, she was talking about the many dicks she had sucked, the various sizes, the circumferences. This was a very serious blow to my mental stability. But at 19 something maybe worse happened, I had written a poem to a girl that I liked very much (I know I have been really a cuck), the day I gave it to her she said "I like another person", and I learned, not long after, that she had a relationship with a guy who beat her (she herself published photos of the bruises). After all these episodes, my dignity was completely distroyed and I lost all self-esteem. All this has messed up my sexuality and in fact, feeling inferior to women I always watch femdom porn and even cuckold stuff. It's a terrible addiction that I haven't been able to break free from. I'm broken inside and I don't think I'll ever recover. From this episode to 19 years old, I never really got up. At 20, with the lockdown etc, I then discovered the redpill and found out I was not alone, I found out I'm an incel. Not long after, my oneitis appeared, looking like a light, a new hope, a girl who unlike others, could perhaps love and respect me. But even this was all false, my only hope was destroyed by the refusal and the impossibility of realizing it all. My life is a total failure. That's all.

SKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILESKINOPHILE

[0rchidm4ntis]

took the PDQ-4 for funsies and what a horrendous idea that turned out to be

[fictionadventurer]

I still can’t believe no one told me how hilarious Around the World in 80 Days is. I can’t stop thinking about how funny it is that Phileas Fogg is the most boring, straight-laced person imaginable and is secretly a maniac adventurer underneath. I thought the crazy things about this story would be the over-the-top gung-ho let’s-ride-in-hot-air-balloons adventures they’d wind up in. But no. It’s all because this guy’s insane.

Like, actual canon goes like this:

Phileas Fogg: *literally does nothing in life except go to his club and play whist*

Guys at the Reform Club: They say you can go around the world in 80 days, but I doubt it. 

Phileas Fogg: I can do it.

Reform Club Guys: No, that’s impossible. There’ll be storms and delays and stuff.

Fogg: I’ll bet you 20,000 pounds that I can.

Reform Club Guys: What? No, that’s unnecessary.

Fogg: I’m leaving tonight! See you in 80 days!

[Back at Fogg’s house]

Passepartout: Wow, I sure am glad to work for a boring guy who schedules every day down to the minute and never does anything strange or unexpected.

Fogg: Get in loser, we’re going around the world.

Passepartout: Excuse me, what?

Fogg: No questions. Take this bag full of six million dollars in cash and get to the train station.

And then, when they’re traveling around the world, his solution to traveling problems is invariably:

Person with Mode of Transport: I can’t take you where you need to go.

Fogg: What if I give you a huge stack of cash?

Person with Mode of Transport: Still no.

Fogg: What if I give you a ridiculously enormous stack of cash and also make demands for speed that endanger all our lives?

Person with Mode of Transport: I’m listening.

And then, once they cross the Pacific Ocean, America unleashes entirely new levels of crazy from this guy.

Random Belligerent American: *punches Fogg in the face for no reason*

Fogg: *wiping dirt from his face* As soon as my trip is over I will come back to America and hunt you down for a duel of honor.

[on the train]

Fogg: Hello, Random Belligerent American who had the misfortune to get on the same train as me. Prepared to die?

Random Belligerent American: Sure. Let’s do this right now.

Train Conductor: Would you like to shoot each other inside this train car that we’ll empty out for the purposes of the duel?

Fogg: That sounds entirely sensible and not at all insanely dangerous for the other people on the train.

That’s not even the most insane thing that happens in this story! The man stages a mutiny to cross the Atlantic! And reveals hitherto unforeseen sailing skills! The other characters are just as baffled as we are!

And after the story is over, the ending boils down to:

Fogg: Boy, I sure am glad that I managed to win that wager that I made for literally no reason. I barely came out ahead because of all the money I spent, and not winning that wager would have left me penniless, but I have proven that it is possible to travel the world in 80 days if you’re a maniac who has six million dollars in cash with you.

Reader: Okay, cool. Now are we going to get some backstory that explains where Fogg got all his money, or why he’s pathologically OCD, or where he got those mad pirate skills that were never hinted at before?

Jules Verne: LOL, no. Why would we need that?

Anyway, this book is wild and hilarious in an entirely different way than I ever expected based on what I absorbed about it from pop culture (there’s not even a hot air balloon!) and I’m kind of upset no one told me how much fun it was to follow this maniac around the world. 

[truthfullyocd]

Relating to my previous thought. Yes. It does. I used to be so carefree, now I always feel the need to be ready for anything bad that could happen to me. I’m constantly on the edge and my mind is always ruminating in the background. Does it make me actually prepared? I don’t think so.

I found this quote in a book and made it my phone lock screen, in case anyone needed to hear it. 

[variant-archive]

Existential OCD (E-OCD*): a subtype of OCD where obsessions are centered on existential questions about the nature of life, death, existence, humanity, and other philosophical, spiritual, and psychological topics where there is no known true answer. While non-pathological “deep thinkers” may also spend time and have great interest in the same questions, for them the process is enjoyable and/or engaging- however, for those with E-OCD, the process is extremely distressing and induces overwhelming existential dread. It can cause someone with E-OCD to question everything about life in such a way that it prevents them from living their lives normally, because they can’t stop obsessing over finding answers to the questions that terrify them. Compulsions can include hours of research on one’s fears, excessive anxious introspection, avoiding feared topics (e.g. unreality, alternate universes, eternity, simulations), and and asking others to reassure them about the existential possibilities they fear. Like all subtypes of OCD, the manifestation varies with each indivual that has it- religious people with E-OCD may compulsively pray for answers to remove the doubts they have, someone who fears that they aren’t real may compulsively physically check to reassure themselves, and so on.

The colors represent the vast unknowability of the void.

Learn more about Existential OCD.

*E-OCD is a shorthand to go along with the other subtypes that have them.

[kipandkandicore]

[CS] (lol sorry I’m tired and procrastinated for just a bit long this morning so am a bit rushed, we haven’t read over stuff but hopefully this makes sense in context of the asks we sent!)

Basically, it’s that people have underlying experiences / ways of being. Sometimes there is distress/impairment associated with this experience. Following Examples are just *examples* and NOT claiming ways of being Must be experienced / approached / understood / etc. a certain way. Sometimes the distress is directly due to the experience (eg. Depression or anxiety, etc). Sometimes distress is from the way another experience affects how one experiences ones way of being (eg. Someone with OCD *tendencies* may not have a problem with this until they develop anxiety, and the particular ways anxiety plays with their OC brain results in outright, disordered OCD. (Tho often people growing up with unmanaged OCD will also grow up with anxiety, and it can be hard to disentangle the two.) Or, eg. Some voice-hearers whose voices align with their emotions, who view their voices as pathology / ‘crazy’, find their voices distressing due to not understanding that they’re basically communicating emotions, and due to their distress the voices get more mean or scary.) Sometimes the distress is due to not having learned to work well with ones way of being (eg. Voice hearer again, or OCD that might be better directed (I’ve seen discussion on how Judaism’s rules can be really suited to healthily directing OCD traits) or things like autism where folk are often distressed due to spending an awful lot of energy trying to be Normal instead of Themself.) Sometimes the distress is more the result of a clash between one’s way of being and one’s social, societal, or physical environment (eg. Autism in an unsupportive social environment or busy noisy house/class/job, stigma (especially toward 'crazy’ ways of being such as plurality, voice-hearing, delusions, etc., or PDs.)) And of course anyone can experience combinations of these. (Eg. Stigma can make it hard to find good resources on how to work with the way of being, as well as causing self-stigma and a desire to remove the way of being entirely rather than figure out how to work with it (causing distress), and having to hide ones’ experiences (causing stress/anxiety), which can in turn make the way of being harder to cope with. Especially if some aspect of the way of being is already inherently unpleasant, such as delusions that one is about to be harmed.) Here I’ve been kind of implicitly using “way of being” to mean “inherent neurology” and “experience” to mean a less inherent thing, but i doubt those are 100% distinct either, given like, how “inherent” is stuff that occurred very early in someone’s life that will always affect them, right? In context of gender: sometimes people have a mismatch between their gendered sense of self and how their body is/is perceived by others, and sometimes this mismatch causes distress (gender dysphoria). Transmeds view the way of being (gender mismatch) as *always* being i *inherently* distressing, and so nondysphoric folk are understood to be “dysphoric but don’t know it yet,” “playing,” and/or “doesn’t understand that gender-nonconformity isn’t the same as being transgender.” In context of plurality: sometimes there are multiple distinct parts/people in one body. Sometimes this results in distress - often due to the way trauma affects a system (regardless of causality - some systems are not caused by trauma, they’re just Like That, but later trauma causes experiences that fit DID or OSDD criteria (eg. Amnesia, internal conflict). Others are caused by trauma, which may or may not (probably often will) result in experiences that fit those criteria.) Sysmeds view the way of being (plurality/multiplicity) as *always* being *inherently* distressing, and so non-DID/OSDD folks are understood to be “traumagenic but don’t know it yet,” “roleplaying,” and/or “doesn’t understand that having variable identities or that IFS therapy 'parts’ is more metaphorical, and those aren’t the same as being multiple.”

[veryvincible]

Ive seen a few blogs talking about Tony Stark with OCD and I was wondering what your thoughts on it were? I know it's not canon but would it be an okay headcanon?

Oh, goodness. This is a doozy.

First of all, I do want to give the obligatory "any headcanon is okay" when it comes to stuff like this, because some people do pick up comfort characters that aren't exactly like them and then use headcanons to push their characterization around until they become a more efficient catharsis vessel, and there's really nothing wrong with that in a space where characters are pushed around all the time anyway. Your headcanons are yours, and you interact with media how it best suits you. Just don't go talking like this is The Way The Character Absolutely Definitely Is, because not only is that misleading, but also it's kind of stepping on other people who need different headcanons for other reasons.

Now that that's out of the way.

You've come to the right place! I have actually been diagnosed with OCD and have been dealing with it now for a long, long while; funnily enough, the OCD is what led me to worry about the OCD, which is what led me to research the OCD in-depth for many, many years. Not to brag or anything. B) Like, literally not to brag, because it's a mental illness. Anyway, jokes aside.

I'm going to go by the DSM-5 and personal experience with the diagnostic process for now. I know some people have their gripes with the DSM, but it's what we're going with.

Before that, though, I do want to lay some things down here. Though it's not outlined by the DSM exactly, it's common among mental health professionals and people with OCD to categorize different symptoms based on causes of OCD. Because OCD is inherently ego-dystonic, your intrusive thoughts are going to attack whatever it is you care about most-- people with primarily contaminant symptoms might fear illness, people with primarily aggressive symptoms might fear hurting others, etc. There's no standard for what these categories are, really. Different places teach different things, and some people disregard them entirely. But it's good to know they're out there, some examples being contaminant and aggressive OCD as mentioned before, as well as pathologic doubt/completeness, religion, self-control, and superstition. There are more, less, or different categories depending on where you look, so we can just leave that there.

Now, onto the actual diagnostic criteria.

In order to be diagnosed with OCD, you need the presence of obsessions OR compulsions, OR both. So, you kind of don't need the whole set to have OCD, though it's argued that some people view "primarily obsessive" and "primarily compulsive" types of OCD as... plain old OCD. "Pure O OCD" especially has been criticized, as its based entirely on the concept of compulsions being in one's head as opposed to external, which then raises the question of whether or not we're defining mental illness by the sufferers or the observers. Regardless, this is what the current DSM says: obsessions, compulsions, or both.

They must be time-consuming (>1hr/day), cause clinically significant distress, or cause impairment in social, occupational, or other areas of functioning. So, could you be considered OCD if you're perfectly functional to the outside world but dysfunctional psychologically? Yes! Could you be considered OCD if you're mostly okay with the compulsions (often seen in people who believe their compulsions are rational responses to rational fears), but you can't function in day-to-day life? Yes! OCD is defined by how it affects you, and there are so, so many ways that it can do that.

The symptoms of OCD can't be caused by physiological effects of substance abuse or other medical conditions.

The disturbance cannot be better explained by the symptoms of another disorder (i.e. if excessive worries are better explained by an anxiety disorder, you're more likely to be diagnosed with something along the lines of GAD; if your difficulty discarding possessions is more in line with a hoarding disorders, you're more likely to be diagnosed with a hoarding disorder). One thing I would like to mention here is that this is often where the DSM breaks down when it comes to practice rather than theory. I'd like to specifically outline the example under this segment of the DSM that refers to "guilty ruminations, as in major depressive disorder". By these guidelines, would you be able to have both MDD and OCD if your OCD has mostly intrusive symptoms?

Well, yes, actually. There's a lot of discourse surrounding it, but here's the thing. Diagnosis is something meant to put you into a category so you can either seek treatment or get accommodations. For mental illnesses, physical illnesses... anything. This is it. I myself have both MDD and OCD, and part of why this is, is because there's an overlap between symptoms... but that's all it is. An overlap, borderlining comorbidity. And there are plenty of people who have similar diagnoses.

You'll see why I'm bringing this up in a second.

Let's go back to the diagnostic criteria and take it one-by-one.

Obsessions are defined by (1) and (2):

Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or images that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress. The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize hem with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion).

Does Tony experience obsessions? Well, he very well could.

There used to be a criterion in the now-outdated DSM-IV that outlined obsessions could NOT be "simply excessive worries about real-life problems." But in the DSM-5, this was dropped. So, an obsession, by current standards, most certainly can be defined as an excessive worry about real-life problems.

Whether or not Tony's worry is excessive is debatable. We're all aware of Clint's sentiment in New Avengers that basically boils the team's state of being down to "we're extraordinary people, so we have extraordinary problems." Tony's worries are extraordinary, but... are they excessive?

I could go either way on this argument. Due to Tony's massive influence and his feelings of responsibility, we can all see why these worries might be considered realistic and average. But it's those feelings of responsibility that would make a better argument for "excessiveness"; he has taken the stance quite a few times that he's been "the only one who could see what needed to be done", or something akin to that, at least. It's not just that he has serious problems and he's concerned about serious solutions. It's that he feels such a sense of responsibility and guilt that every single problem on the planet happens to be a problem he's obligated to consider by his own standards, and if he doesn't consider those problems, he's an awful garbage man. Again, by his own standards.

One could also easily argue that he could fall prey to both aggressive-type obsessions and pathologic doubt-type obsessions, given that he's terrified of hurting people or causing harm unknowingly and that he's never 100% sure of himself, always "almost certain", and often looking to others (like Happy in Civil War, for example) to vent and try to half-validate himself as someone who really is doing the right thing.

These very obviously cause him distress, and one could argue that his Atlas-like anxiety with regards to keeping the world afloat is a huge factor in his mental cycle of thinking he's not doing enough, which means he's not enough, which means he deserves to die, which means he actually should die if he's not doing anything right, which means he has to try really, really hard to do things right, but he'll never do everything he needs to do, so he's not doing enough, so he's not enough, so he deserves to die.

And the alcoholism could easily come into play here, being a default coping mechanism for almost anything he'd encountered, obsessive or otherwise.

Now for compulsions.

Compulsions are defined by (1) and (2):

Repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly. The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing anxiety or distress, or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent, or are clearly excessive.

So, we're going back to the obsessions outlined earlier. One thing I neglected to mention there was what he's referred to as one of his biggest fears, and I neglected to mention it because of how it ties into potential compulsions.

He's mentioned that someone "taking over his brain" is possibly the worst thing that could happen to him, given that he is a man with incredible influence and incredible intelligence and if his mind falls into the wrong hands, it could have (and has had) disastrous consequences. We see a lot of Tony trying to protect his mind as a result, always having backups, always having alternatives, always having contingency plans. This could also be considered a response to an obsession with regards to “mental contamination”, which makes sense.

It's similar with the responsibility-induced anxiety; he made how many AIs, now? He quite literally can't let himself die. He needs to be up, awake, present, alive. He needs to continue doing The Right Thing. We see the same sorts of behaviors even when he's alive and kicking-- he's often in his lab into the late hours of the night. He canonically works multiple jobs at his company. He runs around holding babies around the world, for God's sake. He believes everything deserves to be cared for, loved, and he believes he has to be the one to love it, and so he does, taking up so much of his time and so much of his energy every single day in a desperate attempt to make sure he's done all he can.

This is a man whose every day life could be considered scheduled compulsions if you really wanted it to be, one after the other, in a never-ending cycle of behaviors that he canonically won't ever be satisfied with.

Tony certainly could have obsessions. He certainly could have compulsions. He certainly could have OCD.

It's worth it to mention that self-blame, even for the smallest little details, is extremely common in people with OCD, and... That's also a very Tony thing, isn't it?

All that to say...

Do I think he does?

Well, not... really. I mean, I don't very, very strongly believe that he doesn't. And a lot of neurodivergent people have created incredibly thorough explanations as to why a character not intended to be one way might still be that way-- not even as a headcanon, but quite literally, they just are that way. This is especially common among characters coded (intentionally or otherwise) to have things like autism and ADHD. Whether or not a character "has" something is difficult to decipher, but if you can outline all the symptoms and you can't come up with any other explanation for them, then, well... You've got a neurodivergent character on your hands.

But that's the thing. You certainly can explain Tony's feelings and decisions with a diagnosis of MDD and alcohol abuse. You can. Plenty of people don't really want to, especially with some more toxic beliefs in the mental health community that regard less stigmatized illnesses as somehow also less severe or less validating, and regards MDD as "just depression" in a way that more stigmatized illnesses aren't. 

I don't feel terribly represented in Tony as someone with OCD-- I feel represented with almost every aspect of his struggles with mental health, but I rarely ever read through comics going, "there! There's my OCD thing!" Which isn't to say that it's never happened on a subconscious level, because... I mean, illness bleeds into every aspect of you. It's terribly difficult to find where one part of you ends and the other begins when there's so much overlap. But personally, Tony having OCD isn’t something that I really consider when I read or write (which is part of why I like having Ty Stone around so much-- I can pin a bunch of shit on him that I think Tony doesn’t have, and then I get to write everything I want while still keeping things true to the way I see them).

There are other sufferers of OCD who must certainly relate to Tony, and probably exclusively go "There's my OCD thing!" while reading his comics. I can see why.

So, again.

Do I think he has OCD? Eh. Not really my thing. But I think canon does what canon does, mental illnesses have plenty of overlap, and he meets the criteria enough that if you were to say he had both MDD and OCD, I wouldn't feel any reason to argue, especially if you’re saying it to better relate to him.