#pastoral discouragement

[jkoessler]

Spitting Away From the Angels: Faith, Imagination, & the Reality of the Church

You might think that imagination would be antithetical both to reason and to faith. We view reason as a realm of facts. Faith seems to us to be inconsistent with imagination. Yet faith, imagination, and reality are intimately connected.

The church is a caravan. It travels in company. In one of his sermons on the nature of Christ, Saint Augustine pictures the church as being in motion. The church“which is now traveling on its journey,” he observes, “is joined to that heavenly Church where we have the angels as our fellow citizens.” Augustine is saying this not only of the saints in heaven but also of those on earth. His view was…

[theragamuffininitiative]

😣

[trials-of-a-spirit-worker]

Spirit Work Basics

You voted, I listened. I meant it. So buckle up as we go through the basics of Spirit Work.

I've touched on this on other posts but I'll make a massive post here. This is not going to explain everything and will still be pretty broad. Cause I do not have the time, the knowledge, nor patience to try and explain EVERYTHING.

But I do hope it helps.

Look under the tags advice, spirit communication, spirit work for more detail.

So hello, I'm Sol. I've been working with spirits since I realized I was speaking with them. I had the gift since I was a young child, first spirit I saw being my grandfather on my father's side shortly after he passed away. He was a pastor, supposedly, I was doing the best I could to repeat his favorite verses despite me being a small little shit. I don't remember the verses, I do remember speaking to him a lot however.

Which is where we'll begin, how to speak to spirits.

Maybe she's born with it? Maybe it's insanity~♪

Well, how do we begin with speaking with spirits? There's a number of ways, actually. Some do have the natural ability, like myself but that shouldn't discourage people who are newly trying and don't have that natural affinity for it. Spirits can and will talk to anyone if you open yourself up. Just takes a bit of work. But Sol, you may ask, how do I do that?

If you've been on witchblr for a bit you know what I'm about to say next: Yup.

Meditate.

Now listen, meditation is a way to open yourself up to the spirits around you or just at least signal "hey, I'm open to talk to." It gives you a good sense of your own energy and the energy around you. Meditation doesn't have one look either. A lot of people can't just sit still and kept their legs crossed or be on their knees with their eyes closed (I see you ADHD/ADD people). Hell, my lazy ass will meditate lying down.

Literally the definition of Meditation: to engage in mental exercise (such as concentration on one's breathing or repetition of a mantra) for the purpose of reaching a heightened level of spiritual awareness. transitive verb. : to focus one's thoughts on : reflect on or ponder over. (merriam webster)

It's pretty broad, right? Hell, you can even work out and meditate. I do it all the time. Cause I focus on my breathing and the feeling of energy through my body. Basically you can get creative with it.

While you're meditating, make sure you're feeling your own energy. This can come in a number of ways; waves, your heartbeat, a feeling of something cloaking you etc. While you have that feeling down, envision an opening, whether its a door, or just acknowledging you're reaching out to the other side. Whether or not you get an answer back, you are putting yourself out there and that's half the battle done. Just be sure to know how to close yourself and ward your body. Spirit work and opening yourself like that is no joke and I'd like you to be safe.

To do that, just envision whatever you had opened closed or recede back or whatever you used that worked for you.

Signs to Look for

Some of the more common tells of a spirit hearing and trying to communicate are of the following:

Small echos/voices in the back of your head

Random thoughts that may not be your own

Knocks or things shuffling

Strange dreams

Small phantom touches

Feelings of being watched

And Many More!

"But Sol," some of you might say, "that's really fucking vague and could just be explained away."

Yeah...welcome to spirit work. You thought this shit was easy?!

You have to work on your discernment. It is a skill needed for this type of work.

Seems counterproductive, but it's not! See, if every bump and noise was reported as ghosts or spirits, well...we'd be even less believed than we already are. When doing spirit work, or ghost hunting, you are stuck with the burden of proof and it's a huge burden to have. This is why people ask for repeats of actions, to speak again in recorders and other things. We're asking for repetition, because science is prevalent, especially in spiritualism and occultism. We have to be our own skeptics so when we have something that can't be explained away, we truly have something to celebrate.

Tools on the Job

No one said you had to do this all on vibes. No shame in using tools. I'll more than likely take the time to make specific posts about each tool in the future cause this post is already really long but I'll give you a nice rundown of basic tools.

By the way anyone who tries to shame you for using tools or says "only trainee or baby witches use this or that" are tools themselves (not the good or useful kind) and should not be given the time of day. Tools are fine. Use them for help if you need it because that's what the fuck a tool is for.

Now these aren't all the tools you can use but I'll give you some well known ones. I've seen witches get real creative and it's honestly super cool watching them use strange things that you'd never think about as a witchcraft tool. But that's what makes it so fun.

Tarot cards

Tarot is something I often use. 78 cards all with different meanings. There's many many ways to interpret them and multiple themes that many of them have.

My best advice for these are to just look up the overall meanings both upright and reversed just to have a general consensus of each card. Play around with them a lot, and interpret them the way you would as if you were making a story with them. You can also use them for spirit communication.

Calling forth a spirit allowing them to touch the deck (just leave it for a moment and allow them to influence the deck as it were before doing the spread). Holds a lot of power in your hands but is a little slow.

Pendulum

A pendulum is usually a crystal tied to a string or a chain that can be swung over a board of either yes or no or maybe for its options. Sometimes there is a mock ouija for the pendulum to spell out things as well.

Cool thing about a pendulum is it can be anything that swings if you wish. Some people I've seen take off their necklace and use it as a pendulum just fine. Just have a singular point and you can get to work anywhere with it. Please make sure to ward yourself from invading or malevolent spirits when you do this though.

Lots of pendulum or spirit boards exist and have different templates as well.

This is more of a call and response type of device to use. Especially when you feel a spirit present Still has a fair bit of control in your hands.

Ouija board

The infamous kids game works around the same way a pendulum does, except there is a planchette that slides over the board. This is a call and response based tool much like a pendulum. However, it is a little easier for the ghost to manipulate and control. Which is where all the stupid stories of ghosts completely taking over and fucking up shit takes place. Also, half of the biggest problems are just humans being humans which means victims of groupthink. So... stupidity. Someone freaked so you all freak...the energy gets bad and shit happens. Do your best to remain calm and just work through it.

Also no. ZOZO XOX 2O2O etc does not want your ass. Many spirits claim that shit to get a rise out of you anyway. Guys...no, I swear it does not happen. This is main character energy that none of us have...or want! Even if a demonic entity came in to fuck with you, there are plenty of other ways to do it. Be fucking for real.

Please remain kind and courteous to who you contact. Do not let your paranoia about this tool make you do stupid things. Always say goodbye when you are finished. Try and stay as calm as you can.

Never. Ever leave the planchette on the board unattended. Lest you get an unwanted guest or one that'll overstay their welcome.

Crystal Ball

Crystal Balls are a good way to detect energies. This is normally used in a private setting cause it desires a lot of concentration. Now, I'm admittedly not that knowledgeable in this because I don't use my crystal ball often.

Also, your crystal ball doesn't have to be clear. Mine is obsidian and I love her.

When having your question, focus on it and concentrate. Make sure it is open ended. I mean you can have yes or no, but it's gonna be a bitch to decipher a yes or no answer.

Close your eyes and let the answers come to you in the forms of images and colors and such, examine all you can as just let your intuition work.

Sounds simple but its a rather interesting art form to work on. Symbols and such can confuse you and it's heavy on your interpretation. I'm sure there's books and stuff out there for a general view of this symbol you see might mean this or that but...largely, this is a true test of how you read your intuition.

I'd do it more, if I wasn't closeted and lived with nosy closed-minded people.

C'est la vie.

One important thing though...don't leave your ball uncovered. Especially if it's clear. That's how you end up with burned shit. Those bitches are like mega magnifying glasses. And it happens faster than you think. Science is scary.

Mirror/Water Scrying

Mirror and water scrying is kind of the same as a crystal ball except it's a quicker and often less expensive way to work on your divination.

Some people have a specific mirror that they black out and scry that way. Others have a scrying bowl made for divination alone. It's just as good. You can use any bowl or mirror however. Just be sure to cleanse the area before you start and after you're done.

Some thank the water used for divination before putting it down the sink or in the earth. But that's more of an individual's choice/belief/faith than anything else.

Lots of occultism and spiritualism has a thing with mirrors being portals, openings, etc to the otherside and can bring some unwanted visitors.

And as someone who now sleeps with their mirror facing the wall now, I will say I believe a lot of what people say on that.

I want a goodnights sleep damnit.

Just be sure to cleanse your tools after use. Better safe than sorry.

ETC.

There's a lot of creative ways people can use these tools and magic. So don't think of magic as a recipe for how to be a witch or do witchcraft. That's half the fun of witchcraft.

Discovery.

Finding ways to do things, to hear, to see, to communicate. Yes there are certain tools that work better than others but, we as individual people also work in different ways.

There's a psychic out there who reads asparagus like bones. There's someone who will scry with a puddle on the ground they found. People have their own methods and ways to work their magic and we should learn from them. So if you have some non normal tactic or even something unsual, embrace it to the fullest.

I divine with music. If you ask me it's Apollo's influence. My spirits communicate with music.

When I meet people and get a good vibe on them a song comes to mind, and even if I forget your face, your voice, who you are, that song will remind me what I think of you. Songs pop up in my head when people associated with it are close.

I'm not going to say I'm the only one in the world who does this, cause that would be some bs. But its my tactic and its natural.

Do what is natural for you and not what other witches say you should do.

Even me, I beg you not to try and emulate or follow my advice down to a T if it doesn't work for you. Don't force it to work.

I am just one person, one voice spouting some advice. Take what you can from it, take what helps and work your own path. And then in turn do the same. I'm a path offering person not a director. But that's...just...me...

"But Sol, how do I speak to spirits?"

Talk.

Yeah, that simple. Talk.

This can be in a lot of forms. Some write and burn letters to ancestors, or past family members. Set up a placement for talking to them. Admittedly, a lot of spirit work and communication is experimental. We just warn you over some things because they've happened enough for us as a collective to go ah, a pattern.

I have urns at home so it's pretty easy to say hello in that case.

I am NOT telling you to go into a graveyard and just go wussap. No. Some spirits don't want your tomfuckery. Also if they're feeling really chatty all at once you might get overwhelmed and you will not have a good time. Read the dead room.

Open yourself up. WARD YOURSELF FIRST! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS. But yeah open yourself up. Learn how to open your pathways and close them first. That comes with meditating. Yes, this is why damn near all of us nag the shit out of y'all about meditating.

Just talk and listen. It won't happen immediately. It takes time and a careful ear. Remember signs to look for. You might spot them before you hear them. Small instances of shadows out the corner of your eye. A touch from nowhere, a shiver down your spine. Other things going off or being moved, etc. Slowly, someone or something will receive your message and try to respond in kind.

When you get these small responses, just keep calm and say hello or acknowledge what they've done.

"Oh, someone's here"

"Hello there"

"Are you still here?"

It'll be awkward (try to remember where you are, don't be a weirdo in public), but overtime you'll get better at it.

Conclusion!

Like any skill, spirit communication takes practice.

There are a vast plethora of ways to communicate with tools that I haven't mentioned as well, like automatic writing which is a pretty good beginner way to jump in.

Just have a pen/pencil on paper, write what comes to mind. Its a good way to practice hearing and catching signs as well.

And something I will never stop saying is you don't have to take this journey alone! Especially if you don't want to. Find someone experienced to start this journey with. Someone who calms you, who can support you. Support and asking for help is good. Last thing any of us want is for you to get hurt or scared out of doing this if this is something you really want to do. So call us, talk to us. Confide in more experienced people.

So many times on this site and other places, we are begging to form this beautiful network so we can help one another, give advice, hang out etc.

We are right here, just reach out for us. You'll get a hand back in kind.

[rey-sunshine]

He's finally here to bless the souls of all of us sinners.

This Pastor Ian had so many iterations while I was doing the color that I really don't have the process, maybe I'll post stills of it in the future.

Maybe... I'm not sure. This Ian looked so ugly at some moments that I was discouraged to keep going and procrastinated more than I should have... Sorry Ian. But despite everything I really like it. It wasn't how I (poorly) planned it at the beginning but it looks so much better that I could've ever imagine, honestly. I'm very happy.

(Future me did a decent job with the glasses, so I'm pleased.)

Hopefully anyone who sees this will like it as much as I do :)

[jajanvm-imbi]

You know there's actually something I really appreciate with how Lucifer is depicted in Hazbin.

Everyone thought he was gonna be this intimidating king who crushes Charlie's dreams. We all thought he was gonna be a sadistic rebel or something.

Instead, Lucifer is just a brokenhearted dreamer who's heart is too big for his own good. Just like Charlie

He wasnt a "rebel", he wasn't "evil", he didn't want to harm anyone. He just wanted to share the beauty of being truly alive with mankind, and he was cast out. He was cast away because the angels feared what they couldn't understand.

When Charlie tried explaining to her father her dream, he said everything he could to discourage her not because he didn't believe in her but he really just wanted to protect her from the soul crushing rejection he experienced. He was afraid for her

And there's something so painfully realistic about that fear.

As someone who's grown up in the church, and who's parents eventually became the pastors of the church they grew up in, I cannot tell you how terrifying the idea of being rejected by those you love is.

All of the most important people in my life are at this church. They paid for my Sweet 16. They were there when my grandparents died and my parents had to go on emergency trips to Costa Rica. They were there when our house got flooded and my family was homeless for 3 months. They threw my parents their 50th birthday parties. They went to my brothers highschool graduation. They went to mine. I'm grateful they're in my life.

But being the type of person I am, someone who isn't afraid of interacting and being friends with those the church deems as "dirty sinners", someone who would charge headfirst into spaces most "good Christians" would be too afraid of touching with a stick, I'm terrified of what I think is the inevitable future.

I've always know I wasn't meant for ministry like everyone expects I should be. I'm not meant to work in exclusively "Christian" spaces, and I have no desire to. My parents keep trying to tell me to use my career for Christian specific projects and I know that's not my purpose in life. They would never say it but I can see it on their faces that they fear I'm gonna "stray from the path of God" for pursing the career I've dreamed of since I was a kid.

How do I begin to explain to them that this is God's path for me? I know it is with all my heart. One day I'm gonna move out and fulfill my purpose in life and ultimately be rejected by the people who I consider my family?

I know there will be people in my life who will never understand who I'm meant to be, and my heart breaks thinking about it because I don't want them to be afraid of me. I haven't "changed", I'm just finally who I was always meant to become. I know there are gonna be people who think I've sold myself to "the world" or something, how do I make them understand?

Luficer says: "Heaven never listens. They didnt listen to me..." and my heart clenches

Charlie says he cant know that and Luficer says with tears in eyes: "I DO" and my own eyes fill with tears

Lucifer sings: "My dreams were too hard to defend" and I feel that deep in my own soul.

Some of us were meant to be rejected for what we're meant to do, and rejection is the biggest fear of every kid who's grown up in the church.

Hazbin isn't perfect, I will never claim it is, but GOD is this depiction of Lucifer something special. What other character can perfectly show what kids who grew up in the church feel?

[republicansaredomesticterrorists]

😡🤬🖕

“Kelly Johnson features the couple’s podcast on the website of her company, Onward Christian Counseling Services, which promotes Bible-based pastoral counseling. Her website also includes a link to its 2017 operating agreement, which lays out the corporate bylaws for the company ― and embraces a number of socially conservative beliefs about LGBTQ+ people and women’s reproductive rights.

The agreement states that Onward Christian Counseling Services is grounded in the belief that sex is offensive to God if it is not between a man and a woman married to each other. It puts being gay, bisexual or transgender in the same category as someone who has sex with animals or family members, calling all of these examples of “sexual immorality.”

“We believe and the Bible teaches that any form of sexual immorality, such as adultery, fornication, homosexuality, bisexual conduct, bestiality, incest, pornography or any attempt to change one’s sex, or disagreement with one’s biological sex, is sinful and offensive to God,” says the eight-page business document.

This agreement also refers to “pre-born babies” and says the company is committed to defending and protecting all human life, “from conception through natural death.”

Speaker Johnson’s signature is on the last page. He notarized the document on July 1, 2017. Notaries are not required to read the documents they notarize and are sometimes discouraged from doing so for privacy reasons.”

[walkswithmyfather]

"The LORD restored his (Job’s) fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before."

(Job 42: 10)

- God has the ability to restore what has been lost – it’s called Divine Restoration.

- When God restores it is usually more than we had before.

- Job may have almost lost hope, but God’s timing was perfect.

- So don’t be discouraged, God will transform things and bring blessings.

PRAYER: Lord, thank You that You are the One Who can come and put me back on my feet again. You can change and transform things so that what looks hopeless will be an example of Your ability and of Your restoring power in the lives of Your children. In Jesus' name, Amen.

—Pastor Andrew Roebert

From: “The Spiritual Encourager” (FB)

Amen! 🙏🕊️🙌

[flowerandblood]

Sweet kiss, sweet blood (9)

[ dark vampire! • Aemond x female ]

[ warnings: mention of sex, drinking blood, violence, homicide ]

[description: A centuries-old vampire lives in Victorian England, bored and discouraged. His old friend sends him a letter, inviting him to his new country house. Aemond arrives there to rest. Next to the property, there is a small chapel, visited by the faithful. It turns out that at night, a young lady prays in it. Slow burn, sexual tension, profanation, murder, blood drinking.]

I owe the idea for this wonderful series to: @qyburnsghost

* English is not my first language. Please, do not repost. Enjoy! *

Previous and next chapters: Masterlist

_____

After what they had done they laid huddled together in silence. Her head rested on his chest, his cold hand rubbing thoughtfully over her shoulder. Her white shirt was still unbuttoned, but she covered her breasts with it, blushing at the thought, of what had happened between them. The way he had touched her. That she'd just lost her virginity to a man she barely knew, a servant of Satan himself.

She thought that she didn't regret it. That if she had to go through something like that with Pastor Smith she would die of despair and cry all night. With him it somehow felt right.

They both wanted each other.

She felt that his body, despite its original relaxation, was tense all over. She knew that his other desire was the reason. She propped herself up on one elbow, looking up at him, meeting his surprised, dark gaze. She could see that he was barely holding back from throwing himself at her.

Somehow she appreciated his efforts. She thought that it might be better for him to drink her blood than to kill innocent animals or attack strangers. She lay on her side, looking at his face. His cool hand brushed her cheek, making her shiver.

His fingers slid down from her neck to her breastbone, pushing the fabric of her unbuttoned shirt aside, exposing her breast to him again. She inhaled softly, embarrassed as his hand traced over her skin, teasing her nipple once in a while. She parted her lips as she looked at him.

"Do it." She whispered. He looked at her intensely, his thumb playing with her breast, his hands guiding and squeezing her firm, soft structure, making her breathless, the sore spot between her thighs throbbing from their closeness again.

"What?" He asked quietly, hesitantly, his voice trembling slightly. She swallowed loudly.

"Drink my blood." She said, raising her hand slightly.

His lower lip dropped slightly as her fingers traced over his scarred cheek, stroking it gently. It was the first time since she had kissed his hand that she had touched him so directly, so tenderly, willingly.

She saw him shiver all over, struggling for another second. He leaned over her suddenly, his mouth against her neck. She heard his heavy, rapid breathing.

He ran his tongue over her skin, before slowly and gently sinking his fangs into her. She squeezed her eyes shut against the discomfort and burning sensation. She felt that he was doing everything he could to not to hurt her. She heard him take one deep gulp, then a second, a third, and a fourth.

His hands tightened on her back, as if he was fighting with himself, as if he wanted to drain every last drop from her. He took one more, long, greedy sip, then pulled away from her and kissed the place from which streams of blood were now flowing. He licked up everything that flowed out of her like a cat, not wanting to waste a drop.

She felt a little weak, but somehow the idea that he wanted her so much made her hot. When her wound had dried a bit and the blood had stopped flowing, he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and looked at her, trembling slightly with excitement.

"Forgive me." He whispered low, helplessness in his voice. She stroked his cheek again. He squeezed his eyelid shut and buried his face in her soft hand.

"It's all right. Come here." She said softly, bringing his face closer to hers.

He pressed his forehead against hers and they lay there in silence for a moment, staring at each other, their fingers gently tracing their cheeks. Attracted by some strange, unknown desire, they kissed lingeringly, caressing their lips slowly, massaging them carefully. After a moment, they both dropped their gazes, embarrassed, their noses touching.

"If I was ordinary men, would you marry me?" He asked so quietly that she barely heard him. She blinked rapidly, swallowing hard, and looked down.

"Yes." She whispered after a moment.

An awkward silence fell between them. Aemond played with the fabric of her unbuttoned shirt, absorbed in his own thoughts. She pursed her lips as she saw that, even though he pretended to be unfazed, she was causing him pain and despair.

"I don't understand why you would marry me. In a few years I'll be old and you'll look the same. The only thing I may leave you is your offspring." She said, blushing all over at the memory of how he had cum inside her an hour ago, his seed still deep inside her.

She saw him shift uneasily and look at her, his brow furrowed, his eye full of pain. She heard him swallow hard and open his mouth several times to speak, changing his mind at the last moment.

"I can't have children." He finally said, feigning indifference, but the tremble in his voice at the end of the sentence betrayed him. He wasn't looking at her, his jaw clenched tight, he looked even paler than usual.

For some reason she felt a pang in her heart at his words. She lowered her gaze, exhaling softly, her fingers involuntarily tracing his chest, full of scars and old wounds. She wondered how many years he had lived in this world, but she was afraid to know the answer. She thought that everything they were doing was pointless.

She knew that she was only a brief stop in his life.

She sat up, slowly buttoning her blouse. Aemond rose as well, surprised and alarmed, his chest heaving unevenly.

"Don't leave." Came out of his mouth apparently against his will, because he pressed his lips together quickly, swallowing hard.

She looked at him in surprise, hearing the desperation in his voice. She could see that he was furious with himself for having to ask someone for something. She wondered if he was as confused as she was.

"I know you didn't sleep well last night. You should rest. Stay and take a nap." He said, feigning indifference, as if he was giving her good advice as a medic.

She knew that he wanted something else - her physical closeness, her scent and tenderness, the feel of her hand on his bare skin. For some reason she couldn't say no to him.

She settled back down on the bed next to him, and he sighed softly, as if in relief, as he lay down next to her. She cuddled up to him, pressing her face to his chest, and he pulled her into his arms, burying his nose in her hair.

They lay there, stroking each other's backs. She didn't even know when she fell into a pleasant, blissful sleep.

For the next few days, they pretended that nothing had happened between them, passing each other indoors. Aemond kept his promise and took her for a walk around London one evening. They walked through a district full of shops, looking for signs with job offers. Due to their status, they had to pretend to be married.

Miss Wahterfield was particularly interested in the one she saw in the bookshop window, and immediately went inside to ask for details. Her knowledge of literature made a good impression on the owner, her general availability also suited him, and he invited her to a trial day the next day. She would only come in twice a week when he had to go out to take care of his ailing father.

Aemond wasn't thrilled that she'd found something so quickly. She could see it from his expression and the way he stiffened. She knew that he was afraid she would leave him sooner than he planned.

They walked back to his tenement in silence, the sun had already set completely. As soon as they entered, he pinned her against the wall and kissed her so passionately that she couldn't breathe.

He carried her upstairs, stripped her naked, kissing every inch of her body, and took her without saying a word to her. She knew that he was angry and resentful, heartbroken at the thought of losing her. His thrusts were desperate, fast and intense.

They were both panting and moaning loudly, their hands clasping their naked, sweaty bodies, clinging to each other, as if they would never see each other again. He brought her to a wonderful, hot climax, teasing her clit with his thumb, then cum inside her, panting heavily, looking at her helplessly.

Afterwards, he hugged her to him, lying on his side. She snuggled into him, inhaling his scent, enjoying the softness of his cool skin. She kissed his chest, and he sighed deliciously, kissing her hair in reciprocity.

She hadn't admitted it to him, but no matter how much she tried not to think about it, she kept thinking about his engagement proposal. The thought that she really could be his wife.

That she could tell her parents about it, see them again, and still live the way she wanted. She thought maybe this was a sign from God she was waiting for. Perhaps her way to freedom was to live with him. She looked at him after a long silence.

"I agree." She said softly. He looked at her sleepily and ran his fingers through her hair, obviously not quite understanding what she meant.

"Hmm?" He just grunted, not even bothering to put his question into words.

"I will marry you. We'll tell my parents. We'll say that you found me in a convent, and I agreed to marry you. We'll get married in Mantfield, and then we'll live here. It will be as it should be." She said with confidence in a voice that surprised her.

She saw him quickly push himself up on one elbow, staring at her in disbelief. His whole body trembled, his breathing was uneven.

"Say it again." He whispered pleadingly, looking at her with pain that made her heart clench.

"I will marry you, Ser Aemond." She said, this time a smile appeared on her face.

He leaned over her and kissed her hungrily, his lips, wet and sticky, sucking on her soft lips. She returned his kisses with a moan of pleasure, closing her eyes, inhaling his scent. He pulled away from her after a moment, breathing uneasily.

"Good. Good, let's do as you say." He whispered excitedly.

The next day Miss Whaterfield sent a letter to her parents, in which she contrived what had happened and how her Ser Aemond had magically found her.

That she had accepted his betrothal.

Aemond decided to appease their fury by inviting them to his townhouse. They wrote in the letter that at that moment,she was still staying in the convent, so as not to arouse a sensation by her, living with strange men.

They knew that they were going to get in trouble for all this, but she noticed that they were both smiling more than ever. Aemond didn't have the nature of a man who laughed, but the corner of his mouth twitched up every time he looked at her.

She has slept with him in his bedroom ever since. She let him cum inside her every night, unable to stop herself from denying him her touch when he was so close.

She thought her parents would curse her if they found out about her unholy behavior. That she had given up her virginity and body before marriage. It didn't bother her at all anymore. With him, she felt free.

After a few days, she received a reply from her father in Mantfield. He was furious and demanded an explanation from Ser Aemond in writing. However, he wrote that he and her mother would come to London to hear him. She knew that he would use any opportunity to show himself in the capital.

She was afraid, but Aemond promised to soothe her father. They figured that when her parents arrived, they would pretend that she had arrived moments before them. Then she would come back with them to Mantfield to wait for their wedding.

She let him drink her blood whenever he wanted. From something horrific and disgusting, the gesture suddenly became something intimate, private, their own. She stroked his hair, feeling her warm blood run down her arm, somehow trying to calm him more than herself. Each time he fought with himself to break away from her.

Aemond decided that they needed servants and a cook for her parents' arrival. He went to town on the matter, leaving her alone. She felt much more comfortable at his home now, spending most of her time in his bedroom, reading books.

After a few hours she heard the sound of the front door opening and rose, elated, running down the stairs to meet him. She stopped short and took a few steps back when she saw a strange woman in front of her.

Her dark, long hair was pulled back in a bun, part of her hair was loose. She was wearing a beautiful, green gown and a long, black coat. Her skin was snow white, her bright eyes piercing her.

"Oh. Good afternoon. I apologize for the intrusion." She said, removing the leather gloves from her hands.

Miss Whaterfield stared at her wide-eyed, unable to move. She had no idea what to do or how to behave. She was sure that Aemond had locked the door, as he always did. The woman, seeing that she was speechless, smiled in amusement.

She walked over to her unhurriedly, looking her up and down, her gown rustling pleasantly. Miss Whaterfield saw the stranger's gaze go to the bite marks on her neck and she quickly covered it with her hand, pressing her lips together. The woman smiled at the sight.

“I didn't expect to find anyone here. What a surprise." She nodded, turning her head curiously.

Miss Whaterfield felt her heart beating hard and prayed that Aemond would return quickly. She felt an unpleasant tension, something hung in the air. She couldn't utter a word, her whole body trembling with terror.

“But that might be even better. I'm thirsty."

***

Aemond pulled a sheaf of keys from his coat pocket and began to unlock the door. He frowned as he felt the lock refuse to move. He grabbed the handle and the door swung open. He felt his heart beat faster several times, cold sweat running down his neck. He was sure that he locked them.

He walked in and felt it right away.

Strong, intense smell of blood.

Her blood.

And the scent of someone else.

He took off his top hat, throwing it to the ground, and ran into the living room. He stopped and stared at the sight before him, aghast.

Alys was sitting on his couch, made comfortable, the pale Miss Whaterfield's head resting in her lap, which she stroked with a slow, gentle motion.

Her mouth was slightly parted, her neck and arms were bitten, blood was dripping from small cuts. Her eyes were cloudy as if she was half asleep and unable to move. Aemond felt his body freeze.

"What have you done?" He asked in a trembling voice, looking at the scene as if he were dreaming. He felt his whole body refusing to accept the sight before him.

He walked over to her quickly, kneeling beside her, checking her pulse. It was barely perceptible. Alys looked at him calmly, a slight smile on her face.

"Don't worry. I left a little more for you." She purred low, coquettishly, longingly.

Aemond wanted to cry. He pressed his face against Miss Whaterfield's chest, breathing raggedly, his hands clenching her gown. He knew that after losing so much blood she would fall asleep and never wake up.

Alys didn't even have time to get up, her voice stuck in her throat as she saw Aemond bite his own wrist, then take the girl's face in his hand and kiss her, letting her drink his own blood.

Alys wanted to stop him, but he was faster. He grabbed her by the throat, his hand tightening around the pale, slender neck that he had once kissed. He thought he should have killed her a long time ago when he had the chance.

He pulled away from his fiancée's pale lips and looked at Alys, blood dripping from the corners of his mouth. He got up slowly, lifting her with him.

"Aemond…" She whispered pleadingly, terrified, writhing in his grip, clearly not believing what was happening. That he had just turned some ordinary girl into vampire in front of her eyes. "…she will hate you for it."

He pursed his lips at her words, furious, distraught, heartbroken. He felt tears spring to his eye for the first time in many years.

Alys assured him of her love and devotion, that he needed her if she was to survive the transformation. He looked at her, his gaze becoming more and more indifferent, cold, empty.

The sound caught in her throat as his other hand pierced her chest and in one, swift motion ripped out her heart. Hot and sticky with blood, it throbbed in his hand for a moment longer. Her body fell to the floor, her expression was horrified and surprised, her mouth slightly parted.

He flinched as he heard her soft moan, her ragged breaths full of pain. He looked at her, at his beloved, his future wife. Her eyes were wide open now, her mouth trying to catch her breath.

He knew what she was going through. He knew that her whole body was on fire, her lungs clenched painfully, her skin ached as if someone had cut her with a knife, as if someone had broken her bones.

She moaned louder, almost screamed, and he fell to his knees in front of her, burying her face into his chest, pressing his nose into her hair. He cradled her like a small child, listening to her loud sobs, her hands clenching painfully tight around his coat in agony.

He cried with her, as the warmth slowly left her body. How because of his possessiveness and greed she was turning into the same monster as he was.

_____

Aemond Taglist:

(bold means I couldn't tag you)

@its-actually-minicika @notnormalthings-blog @nikstrange @zenka69 @bellaisasleep @k-y-r-a-1 @g-cf2020 @melsunshine @opheliaas-stuff @chainsawsangel @iiamthehybrid @tinykryptonitewerewolf @namoreno @malfoytargaryen @qyburnsghost @aemondsdelight @persephonerinyes @fan-goddess @sweethoneyblossom1 @watercolorskyy @astral-blossoms @randomdragonfires @amirawritespoorly @apollonshootafar @padfooteyes @darylandbethfanforever9 @fudge13 @snh96 @diosademuerte @rwdkarla @echos-muses

Others: @talesofoldandnew

[theladyrebecca2]

Stranger Things: The First Shadow (My spoiler-filled review and thoughts)

“Nerds, do you copy?”

Buckle up, because this is a long one! I've tried to remember as much as I can from when I saw the play on Dec 5th.

Disclaimer: This is in no way a complete recollection of things that happened. They really packed a LOT into it. This is just what I can personally recall, helped along by other reviews and recollections I’ve found online that sparked my memory. 

If you don't want to be spoiled, don't read any further!

Act 1.

After an epic intro scene, where soldiers on a ship at sea get dragged off by demogorgons (more on this later), we’re shown the Stranger Things intro exactly as though we’re watching an episode.

Chapter One: The Girl from Nowhere.

Hawkins, 1959. 

It opens with a young Bob Newby on air, talking on his radio show (the founder of Hawkins AV club! <3). We learn that he actually has an adopted sister, Patty Newby. She’s black, so she feels like an outsider (bear in mind it’s the 1950s/60s, so… yeah.) Principle Newby, their father and only remaining parent, is also very religious. 

He’s also the pastor (?) at the local church, and often makes Patty go to the church with him. She admits to Bob that she only likes to go to listen in on people’s confessions (some of which are really juicy). She also enjoys the choir there (?) as she likes to sing.  

Principal Newby doesn’t like that Bob and Patty read comic books. There’s talk about how some things are discouraged or outright forbidden because they involve sex (gasp!) and morally ambiguous behaviour. Patty in particular is looked down on by her father for acting rebellious. He disapproves of her answering him back. 

Instead of praying to God, Patty prays to Wonder Woman.

One of the first sections in the show’s programme is dedicated to the impact of comic books and science fiction on kids in the 1950s:

[This has always been the way with fiction. Whether you are talking about adventure, fantasy or sci-fi, stories set in faraway places reflect the anxieties of the here and now. Just as the children in Stranger Things turn to a fantasy game to help them make imaginative sense of a dangerous world, so we escape to alien landscapes to think about ourselves. As South Africa novelist Lauren Beukes once said, “By imagining the unimaginable, it’s possible to make reality more bearable.”]

[As Patty in Stranger Things: The First Shadow is aware, however, whether male or female, superheroes were almost exclusively white. Unless you happened to get hold of a copy of All-Negro Comics, published in 1947 by Black journalist Orrin Cromwell Evans, Black children would not see themselves represented in popular culture.]

[... in this age of technological advance and political uncertainty, [comic books] provided the thrills, the escapism and the imaginative fuel that audiences, young and old, needed more than ever.”] - Mark Fisher

Next, we’re introduced to Joyce. She’s Joyce Maldonado at this point. She’s half undressed and trying to find her clothes, obviously fooling around with Lonnie Byers, who is already talking down to her in a very casual way, telling her she’ll never amount to anything and that she’ll never leave Hawkins like she dreams of. It was another example of only physical attraction existing between two characters - there’s little to no emotional compatibility there. I sort of had the vibe that the scene was effectively introducing Joyce and Lonnie’s unequal power dynamics as they are in the show moving forwards. Lonnie sits with his legs encasing Joyce as they both sit on a mattress, and she’s visibly vulnerable in her bra, listening to him say these casually demeaning things to her. 

Joyce wants to direct the school play, although she’s pretending to Principal Newby that they’re doing Oklahoma. Oklahoma will serve as a smokescreen for the real play she wants to direct: The Dark of the Moon. This has its own page in the programme too: 

[From the depths of Scottish folklore to the Broadway stage, the journey of The Dark of the Moon is as shrouded in mystery and intrigue as the contents of the piece itself. Over the course of several hundred years, the story evolved from humble beginnings (The Ballad of Barbara Allen) into something rather darker and more brooding than its simpler folktale roots.] [In its original versions, it seems to have been an innocent, if tragic, ballad about a young man who dies of unrequited love, only for the grief-stricken object of his affection to follow him to the grave. There, they become a rose and a briar respectively, destined to be intertwined for all eternity.] - The Creel House front door, anyone?

[In 1939, it had somehow become part of the Appalachian mountain lore of the north-eastern USA… [sometimes] with a central theme of divorce rather than death. But perhaps its oddest reincarnation is as a regular feature in the annual school play catalogue across the United States… retitled The Dark of the Moon, the play recasts Barbara Allen as a young maiden desired by a witch boy whose request to be made human is granted on the condition that she is faithful to him for a year. When that condition is tested to destruction, tragedy naturally (or unnaturally) ensues. The play is rich with allegory, including themes as knotty as religious fanaticism, demonic possession and mob psychology, and with its plot of star-crossed lovers meeting across the divide between this world and a mystical parallel one, it’s a kind of Gothic Romeo and Juliet.]  -Michael Davies

In the next few scenes we’re introduced to a whole host of characters as they come into the high school, and eventually gather around for the casting of Joyce’s play:

Ted Wheeler, school jock, Mr Popular. Very much a ‘peaked in high school’ vibe. 🙈

Karen Childress, Ted’s popular cheerleader girlfriend. Ted and Karen are depicted as two teens who can barely keep their hands off each other. They constantly make out. It’s suggested that Karen is only dating him because he’s popular and um… well-endowed. 

Walter Henderson (who must be Dustin’s dad) is a total dick. He’s openly racist towards Patty at one point, earning him glares and snappy remarks from both of the Sinclairs who are present at the time. Patty has a horrible nickname at school, “mystery meat”, because of her unknown origins. But it’s clear with Walter's comments that her race also plays a factor in her general ostracisation. 

Claudia Yount (Dustin’s Mom). She has a cat called Prancer, and is dating Walter. I thought it was very fan-servicey to include Dustin’s parents at all, because we know canonically that Dustin and his mom only moved to Hawkins when he was 4th Grade. So I guess Claudia and Walter moved away, had Dustin elsewhere, then Claudia came back to Hawkins again with Dustin after Walter had left/divorced her?? 

Sue and Charles Sinclair. Again, it was a cute Easter Egg to include them, but all the parents of the OG boys being there felt very fan-servicey - especially with them all already being coupled up in high school. It felt too unrealistic and a bit jarring. I’m choosing to take this as they were literally intended as cute little Easter Eggs, and as prime opportunity for comedic relief (e.g. seeing Ted Wheeler as a total player, in total opposition to the Ted we know). 

Alan Munson. He’s a little strange and quirky, a lot like Eddie. He has a rock and roll vibe, and sticks out his tongue and does devil horns with his fingers, lol. The others don’t seem to know what to make of him, but there’s no animosity or anything. He’s really funny in all his scenes.

And of course, Jim Hopper Junior. To me, Young Hopper was like… a weird mixture of old Hopper from the show, and Steve! The actor did a great job, but yeah, it was giving Steve more than Hopper in some places (to me, at least). I don't know if this was intentional.

Hopper has some dad issues - his father is the chief of police, and they don’t get on. There’s a whole scene later on in the show where they even have a physical fight in the police station (although this isn’t depicted super seriously, and is actually part of a larger comedic section that involves some of the other cops in the station getting involved for laughs. At the end, Hopper and his dad sort of come to an agreement.) It’s kind of slapstick. They’re all falling over each other, and there’s even a part where one male cop falls against another face forward onto a desk, and it’s pretty suggestive (one is sort of mounted behind the other). Idk if this was supposed to be a standard ‘gay joke’ just for lols, or if it was more that the cops had an unexpected ‘moment’ together (they take a while to part from each other, and then they avoid each other’s eyes, so… idk). Just something I noticed happening off to the side.

Anyway, back to Act 1. We’re taken away from Hawkins High to outside the Creel house, and introduced to the Creels moving into Hawkins, just like they appear in the show’s flashbacks. They’ve moved from Nevada, and the reason they’ve moved is because something had happened with Henry, and this is meant to be a new start - it’s left ambiguous as to what exactly happened, but there’s mention of a kid that had been ‘left in a wheelchair’. 

At first, Virginia Creel seems somewhat loving towards her son, hugging and kissing him and trying to act ‘normal’, but she’s clearly unsettled by him. Henry is unpredictable, and almost seems to switch between different personalities: one that’s familiar, shy but friendly, and one that quickly rages and turns violent. 

Whilst it’s not explained WHY yet, we clearly see that Henry is somehow ALREADY under the influence of the Mind Flayer - and that he has powers.

Virginia becomes more and more openly terrified of Henry as the play goes on. Meanwhile, Victor Creel is generally absent the whole time as he’s dealing with his own ‘demons’ (severe PTSD from the war). People in Hawkins think he’s odd and weird. Remember that nobody understands PTSD at this point in time. 

Again, we get a spread in the programme about this: “These are the tranquilized fifties… the legacy of trauma in post-war America”:

[It is very likely that Corporal Victor Creel, 9th Airforce, missed the birth of his son Henry in 1945… Getting their bodies back to the US would be a huge undertaking… getting their minds home would be another problem, and one which no-one had thought to predict.] [Victor Creel is a familiar figure to us now: shellshocked, prone to outbursts, turning to alcohol to numb his trauma… what to do with the man who has seen atrocities - who is in himself a living testament to the fact that they exist, that they happen - who, in Victor’s case, may even have committed them himself? The answer was to bury him. Though shellshock was first given its name in the aftermath of the First World War… there was no widespread study of PTSD until after the Vietnam War, even though more than double the amount of American soldiers showed symptoms of PTSD during WW2 than WW1… Those suffering on the front were sedated and told they were exhausted… once they made it home, they were told not to talk about it: that they were lucky to be alive.]

[One response in particular would have been familiar to the Creels - the child who becomes aloof from their father, and who disengages from the emotional life of the family… Much like Jim Hopper and his father, there was often immense love between these children and their fathers, but they had no way to talk about the pain they were feeling.] -Beth Kelly

Henry is clearly lonely and feels misunderstood when he first moves to Hawkins. It’s like he’s aware that there’s a darker side of him that’s dangerous, but he can’t fully explain why he does certain things (e.g whatever he did to the kid left in a wheelchair). There’s a scene where he sees the smoke of the Mindflayer swirling around him in the void, and he yells, "What are you??"

He’s the new kid at Hawkins High. People at school think he’s strange. They’re not necessarily cruel to him, but they’re not really sure how to take him either. Joyce is pleasant to him. But the only person he really connects with is Patty Newby - who we know is also a bit of an outsider at the school because of her peculiar origins and skin colour.

It’s clear there is an instant connection between Henry and Patty. Henry in particular is obviously crushing on Patty, and acts awkward around her. They bond over their love of comic books, and decide to be friends. 

Anyway - back to Joyce’s play. So the reason she wants to direct the play in the first place is to impress some visitors from a university, so she can achieve a scholarship to study theatre outside of Hawkins. 

It involves “witches, satanism, religious allegory”. Lots of things that Principal Newby would definitely disapprove of (hence why she pretends that they’re doing Oklahoma). 

Joyce talks about the overarching message: “That’s what it’s all about in the end, isn’t it? Whether love can conquer fear.” (paraphrased). I think that was perhaps a really meta moment, and applies to THIS play and even Stranger Things as a whole.

Also there was something like, “they’re witches, not lesbians!”/ “They were witches as well as lesbians”… “Does it matter?” (again, paraphrasing, I can’t recall the actual lines, and I think this was either said at this point by Joyce and someone else, or a conversation that happened earlier between Bob and Patty when they were talking about a comic or story they had read. I’m sorry, I can’t remember!) But I thought it could be a reference to the Fear Street trilogy, maybe. I was on the lookout for any kind of LGBTQ+ imagery or dialogue, and yet my brain still managed to forget details by the end of it all (Act 1 needed to be 20 minutes longer, seriously. They went through so much dialogue so quickly, it was difficult to keep up. I feel like I need to see the whole thing again to properly take it all in).

Maybe I was tripping, or maybe I misheard, but I thought there was also a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it line about “the ending is happy and gay”. I wish my brain would have held onto those lines, but it happened so quickly. Something like, “the ending will be happy and gay”… “isn’t that what everyone wants?” Now, I’m certain they meant ‘gay’ as in ‘happy’ in the context, but I couldn’t help but side-eye that moment a little because it’s an outdated term in today’s language. It was, I believe, a quick exchange between Joyce and… I want to say Bob? Or possibly Walter? I honestly cannot remember. I'm begging people not to run away with this because it’s also totally possible that it was said in a derivative sense, like, “this story is dark, gothic and tragic... not happy and gay”, you know? "That's what everyone wants, right?" "Maybe, but this ends in tragedy." I really hope someone, ANYONE else caught these lines, and can give me their own two cents on it. (Curse my shit memory and also just how FAST those lines were coming at us during those scenes in Act 1… like guys, please slow down so I can actually take in what you’re saying!) 

Anyway. Joyce is having trouble casting the main leads, John and Barbara Allen, as the two are lovers and will need to kiss, and nobody seems to have the right chemistry or is taking it seriously enough. 

At one point, Karen (acting as the female lead) confidently and passionately kisses Bob (acting the male lead), who’s awkward and flustered afterwards (this is done for the audience lols). 

After hearing her beautiful singing voice (encouraged by Henry), Joyce decides to cast Patty as her female lead. Meanwhile Henry has unwittingly found himself in this room along with everyone, and accidentally gets involved in the casting process. Joyce sees that Patty and Henry have chemistry together, so she decides to cast Henry as her male lead too. 

Henry and Patty grow closer. Henry tells Patty that he’s bad, and she should stay away from him. She doesn’t listen, and says just because someone has done some bad things, it doesn’t make them a bad person.

At one point they sit side by side by the confessional at church. Henry admits to her that he has powers. He tells Patty that he can hear what people are thinking - all the time. It drives him crazy (and says people are always ‘pretending’ to be normal. The vibe is very much in tune with his speech in Season 4 about how everyone is just in a silly little play, all playing pretend with each other, all trapped in these notions of living their lives in a way that society thinks is acceptable or desirable).

As an example later on in a separate scene, he points to Karen and Ted and tells Patty, “she thinks he’s an idiot, and he’s scared of her.” He points to more characters in this scene and says more about them (like Claudia and Walter, Sue and Charles, maybe even Joyce and Hopper?) but unfortunately I can only remember Ted and Karen’s. 

Patty convinces Henry that his powers are not evil, and that he should be able to control them and use them for good. Henry then creates a "vision" for Patty, where she can freely sing with people listening, and everyone around her joins in and appreciates her talent (I think she sings "Dream a Little Dream of Me"? Unless this happens later on. There’s definitely a moment where she sings a bit of that song. Henry associates it with Patty.)

In this vision, even Patty's father is supportive of her and her singing, and it’s quite a funny moment how she imagines him dressed in a saucy red cape, dancing in a way that he *definitely* wouldn’t approve of in real life.

So it seems Henry is actually able to show people their dreams as well as their nightmares. It suggests his powers are his own at this point (at least to an extent), and not necessarily always controlled by the Mind Flayer. 

Victor sees Henry talking to Patty at school, and mentions this to Virginia. He describes it as “harmless, just Puppy Love”, a first crush. 

Virginia is still worried, and tells Henry to stay away from Patty (for her protection). Henry gets angry. We keep hearing his voice change when he changes, like a deep, monstrous voice. It’s creepy, like it’s not really him in those moments - it’s like the Mindflayer using Henry’s body, speaking through him. 

While in the attic (his new favourite spot), Henry keeps becoming influenced by the Mind Flayer. He travels to the void frequently, from where he proceeds to start killing animals - the first of which is Dustin’s mom’s cat. It’s just like the Vecna attacks in Season 4, snapping their bones and blinding them. 

Henry seems to be aware that he’s the one responsible for these killings, and he keeps on going back to the attic, and the void, to keep doing it - but it’s unclear just how aware or remorseful he is about all this, or whether it’s 100% possessed!Henry during those moments. It certainly seems like it’s the Mindflayer making him want to do those things. When he first approaches Prancer, he’s friendly, calm and softly-spoken. The attack happens very suddenly and afterwards, I think Henry sort of ‘comes to’ and cries out in distress/remorse? 

Either way, Henry is definitely under the Mind Flayer's control at that point, and you can see the Mind Flayer smoke flying around in the void next to him. 

After Claudia’s cat turns up dead, Hopper is immediately on the case, wanting to find the culprit. He starts questioning people, and ends up approaching Henry at school.

I want to clear Hopper’s name in something here! I saw someone say that, in the play, it’s stated that Hopper says he hates cats. Whilst this *is* something Hopper tells Henry at this point, it was clear to me that Hopper was only playing mind games in the way an investigator will try to get a suspected criminal to confess: ‘The truth is, I hate cats. So I actually just want to shake the hand of the person who did it - they’re a hero in my book!’ He’s totally bluffing, and it’s just meant to show that he’s already thinking and working like a detective. Regardless, the tactic doesn’t work, and Henry brushes him off. Hopper remains none the wiser. 

When more animals start being killed in the same way, Hopper is the one who figures out that they’re all pets of Hawkins High School students who are taking part in Joyce’s play. He goes to her to request her help, and she and Bob both end up going out to look for clues with him (complete with torches, this gave major Season 1 vibes). 

Joyce and Hopper’s relationship is mostly antagonistic, but it’s clear they like each other and they flirt a bit. Meanwhile Bob admires Joyce from afar, wanting only to impress her and to find the courage to tell her how he really feels. There's some love triangle imagery throughout with where they stand. (Note: Bob does eventually admit to Joyce how he feels at the end, but she casually rebuffs him. I'm so glad they eventually ended up together because Bob was just too pure.)

Henry continues to be haunted by images of a monster reflected back at him in a mirror. I think we’re meant to take that as a representation of Mind Flayer!possessed Henry. He’s clearly afraid of himself, and what he’s capable of. 

The Mind Flayer appears to him as Patty, and taunts him by saying cruel things, like saying that he will end up killing her. In the vision, Patty starts pulling off her own hair until we see her brain. We hear a deep monstrous voice taunting Henry, saying he “will kill many, many more” - that they have seen it happen, and it is his destiny. (Time travel hints? The Mind Flayer can apparently see into his future, unless this was just an empty taunt that unfortunately came true, or a self-fulfilling prophecy). 

[Evidently, there’s something deeply disturbing at the heart of the human psyche about the possibility of uncovering the horrific within itself. When that horror is externalised… it creates a symbolic representation of our own nightmares, perhaps allowing us to tackle them more objectively and overcome those dark, disturbing impulses within us all.] 

[By investing fictional creations with the qualities we most fear - the horrifying, animalistic sides of our nature - we can, perhaps, face them more objectively and convince ourselves that we do, ultimately, have control over them… and ourselves.]

[... Perhaps the monster we fear most is the one we see reflected in the mirror. As Professor Mulrooney puts it: “The monsters in these tales are not necessarily the people we would call the monsters - Frankenstein’s creature or Dracula. The scariest part of these books is the humans.”] -Michael Davies 

The real Patty then interrupts the vision, and asks Henry if he can help her find her mother using his powers. He’s wary of doing so, but agrees to help her. He says she will have to come with him to his attic. 

Once inside, Patty tells him that it’s cold in there. Henry says he likes it cold. 

When Henry enters the void, he successfully locates Patty’s mom. She’s a singer, a show girl, working on a stage in Vegas. Patty asks him what she looks like. Henry says she looks like Patty. That she’s beautiful.

Suddenly, he loses control, and is once again visited by the Mind Flayer. Patty’s mom morphs into a terrifying figure who chases Henry through the void… and eventually catches him. 

We see the Mindflayer going into Henry inside the void, very similar to Will in Season 2 on the school field. (This happens either at this moment, or in a flashback at another point of the play. But it’s at some point!!) I think this was showing us that whoever Henry was, he’s fast disappearing into the darkness of the Mind Flayer, and vice versa - it’s like a fusion. 

Meanwhile, Mr Newby learns that Patty and Henry have been hanging out together a lot. He’s greatly displeased by this, and decides to go to the Creel House to fetch Patty and put an end to the budding romance. Romeo and Juliet vibes be vibing hard.

Downstairs, he speaks to Victor Creel, who is having a PTSD related episode and acting strangely. He says his wife believes the house is haunted by an ancient demon, and with everything that’s happened (and by how the lights keep flashing), he’s beginning to believe her. He feels like his demons have followed him from the war. 

Mr Newby then overhears the commotion from upstairs, and goes up to investigate. In the attic, Henry is holding Patty’s hand very tightly. He’s twitching and yelling as he fights against the Mind Flayer’s possession, and this frightens Patty. When her father walks in, he demands that Patty lets go of Henry’s hand. She tries, but he’s holding on too tightly. “I can’t!” Patty cries out.

Mr Newby is then attacked by Henry, controlled by the Mind Flayer. His body starts to rise up. Patty encourages Henry to fight back by telling him that she believes he is good, and that she loves him.

“Say it back!” she pleads to him. “Say it back!”

Henry responds and says he loves her too. Because of the love exchange, he manages to momentarily break out of the Mind Flayer’s control: Mr Newby drops to the floor, alive but badly injured. 

Joyce, Hopper and Bob were downstairs at this point, having followed radio anomalies to the Creel House (which they did via a machine that Bob built for them). They freak out and run away, and all come to the conclusion that creepy, crazy Victor Creel is the one responsible for Mr Newby’s injuries, as well as the string of violent animal deaths. 

[Joyce has some basis for believing Victor capable of violent crime, based as this may be in her own father’s war experience… When Joyce opens her copy of the DSM, first published in 1952, she will find no entry for PTSD… Instead, the symptoms she might recognise from her father were incorporated into depression or schizophrenia, rather than their own diagnosis. Short of a name for what they were suffering, traumatised veterans were left to find their own way through nightmares - through violence, alcohol or isolation.]  -Beth Kelly (from the Stranger Things: The First Shadow programme)

After the commotion, Henry removes his blindfold. Patty's father has broken through the attic floor, and he’s seriously injured. Patty is very afraid and upset. After a brief time skip (to the next day or two I think), we learn that Patty is staying away from Henry, who is worried that he’s ruined everything. The Mind Flayer starts to creep back in. We see a possessed Henry back in the attic, and Virginia comes up to him and says that she wants to help him, but she doesn’t know how. She reminds him that he needs to stay away from people to protect them. She talks about Patty, telling Henry that he shouldn’t see her anymore.

Possessed!Henry smirks and asks her if she’s jealous. There’s something insidious and disturbing in the way he asks it. Virginia recoils from her son and her “everything-is-going-to-be-okay” facade crumbles. We see she’s absolutely terrified of who Henry has become.

Henry creates a vision, so that it appears as though his pet spiders escape from their jars, and they run all over Virginia as she screams. She flees from the attic as Henry’s dark taunts follow her.

Henry’s sister Alice comes to the mouth of the attic. "Where is Henry?" She asks.

Henry: "He’s right here."

Alice: "You’re not him."

At this point, it was like the Mindflayer had almost completely merged with Henry. The lines had become more and more blurred as the play went on, and now it’s becoming hard to separate them - the ‘real’ Henry is finding it hard to come through and fight the possession. The Mind Flayer is winning. 

This really reminded me of Will and his own possession with the Mindflayer in Season 2. How they described it like a virus taking over, and how Will could have continued ‘disappearing’ until there was no more Will left. 

After the incident with Mr Newby, and her terror with Henry in the attic, Virginia has finally had enough. She willingly hands her son over to an “interested party” who describes himself as a doctor (who we know is Dr Brenner). He vows to take Henry to Hawkins Lab, where he’ll be safe, and contained. 

When he wakes up in the hospital, Mr Newby reveals to Patty that he actually stole her as a baby (?) in an effort to revive his relationship with his wife by having another child to care for - but it didn’t work, and his wife left him. He feels guilty about it, and wants to confess this to her after he almost died.

He tells her that he was attacked by a monster who made him relive his worst nightmares, and that “the boy”, Henry, actually fought back and saved him from death. He then draws the Mind Flayer on a piece of paper, hands it to his daughter, and tells her that this is what he saw.

After learning that Henry actually saved her father, Patty returns to his house to search for him, but it’s too late - Dr. Brenner has already taken him to the lab. However, she is able to communicate by calling out to him.

Henry contacts Patty through the void, where she is able to both speak and see him, despite him being at the lab. She tells him that she knows he is still a good person, and that he should return home.

———

Act 2.

On screen:

Chapter Two: Captain Midnight

So here’s the thing - the play paints us a totally different picture than Season 4 did in regards to Henry/Vecna. 

Henry was not inherently evil, like S4 suggested to many people - he was actually just a regular boy until ‘an incident’ occurred when he was younger, which is what gave him powers and started his possession in the first place. The end of S4 makes us think that El sent Henry to the Upside Down, which is where he meets the shadow monster and morphs it into the Mind Flayer with his powers.

But that wasn’t Henry’s first time there, nor was it the first time he saw the Mind Flayer. That was all just a REUNION.

It’s revealed that Henry actually disappeared into another dimension (Dimension X/ Upside Down) for a period of 12 hours when he was just a kid. He got lost near some caves in the Nevada desert, and when he returned, he had "completely changed in personality". 

He came back odd, ‘not normal’, and couldn’t socialise well. He also returned with dangerous powers, which he violently inflicts on animals. The Mind Flayer had clearly started possessing him from that early point, way before he even came to Hawkins. 

Let’s go back to the very beginning of the play - to the soldiers on the ship. It was Brenner’s father and his crew that were aboard this ship, the USS Eldridge, which had accidentally travelled into Dimension X/The Upside Down as a result of electromagnetic activity. 

This is based on The Philadelphia Experiment, or Project Rainbow, said to have taken place in the Second World War. The programme had a double spread on this: 

[Allegedly, wartime experiments caused the supernatural disappearance of a US naval ship… Project Rainbow was based on Einstein’s research into unified field theory through which [he] hoped to create a single theoretical framework to encompass all fundamental forces, including electromagnetism and gravity.] 

[Carl Allen claimed to have witnessed a strange event in October 1943 involving the naval destroyer escort USS Eldridge and scientists who were working on highly confidential technology which would make ships invisible to the enemy by using powerful electromagnetic fields to ‘bend’ light around them. According to Allen, they succeeded in doing just that. In fact, Allen said the ship was also briefly teleported 275 miles away to Norfolk, Virginia, before reappearing in Philadelphia. …It’s been suggested that the Eldridge’s official logs could have been deliberately altered… with the whole of Project Rainbow moving beyond top secret clarification.]  -Catherine Jones

Brenner’s father is the only survivor of this terrifying event. After returning from Dimension X and taken to a hospital, injured and dying, we learn that his blood type is now “unique” from any other human being. He won't survive a blood transfusion. His ravings about Dimension X before his death haunted and inspired Brenner for the rest of his life. Brenner started an experiment focused on finding and travelling back to Dimension X; his ultimate goal was to "create a gate" to reach it again.

Brenner enacted these experiments in the Nevada desert, where one day, one of his agents ran away with some of Brenner’s equipment near some desert caves. The agent was never found, but a Captain Midnight spyglass was - which was the exact spot where Henry went missing in Dimension X as a little boy for 12 hours. Brenner therefore began searching for the mysterious Captain Midnight comic-book fan who went to Dimension X and returned, watching him and keeping an eye on him. This is what led him to Hawkins: following Henry. 

Brenner tells us that Henry’s powers emerged after he visited Dimension X, and just like his father, his blood type is “unique”. He collects several samples from him. He also tells Henry that his powers become stronger each time he kills, and that’s why he gets so much satisfaction out of it. Brenner also tells Henry that he would get even stronger if he kills human beings, rather than animals.

During one scene, Brenner uses special equipment to see into and hear Henry's mind. He pushes Henry to the limit so he can hear and catch a glimpse of Dimension X. We hear noises similar to the Mind Flayer in Season 2 when Will goes into the Upside Down on Halloween night. The shape of the Mind Flayer appears on the screen (or was it the head of a Demogorgon? It was definitely something Upside-Downy), while Henry convulses. After this incident, Henry asks Brenner, “Can you take me back there?" 

Brenner also introduces the idea of anger to fuel Henry's power. On several instances he riles Henry up to get him angry, insulting him - and the result is always violence. He succeeds in getting Henry to kill a mouse/rat, which explodes into a bloody mess inside its cage, and then tries to convince him to kill a criminal who has been transferred to the lab with an agreement to be killed (he has a date with the electric chair later that week regardless). 

Henry refuses. He’s been speaking to Patty in the void, who has convinced him that he’s good and that he should return home. Brenner is frustrated with this, and becomes sure that Henry has someone that is "holding him back". He vows to find and remove this obstacle. But after Henry leaves the lab, Brenner tells his agents to let him go. He cannot force Henry to kill. “It has to be his choice."

Brenner is shown to have significant influence over Virginia. He’s been providing her with medication/tranquilisers, and tells her that her son desperately needs his help. He encourages Virginia to tell him who the person Henry is attached to. She does. Brenner promises her that he will take Henry back into the lab and that he won’t leave again. 

After Henry returns home, he reads his family's minds and learns that they are all afraid of him and unhappy with his return. He goes into his mother's memories and learns of the last interaction she had with Brenner, including that she wonders if he “may never have been good”, and whether "this was who he was the whole time." He knows that she was willing to give him up to Brenner forever. 

This is when the Creel murders happen, just like they’re shown in Season 4. Virginia Creel and Alice Creel are both murdered at the dinner table - and we know Victor is going to be blamed for it.

Is this Henry’s own mind now, turned to darkness and hate, or is it the Mind Flayer intent on eliminating all of Henry’s attachments? A monster who’s made a monster. I think it’s all left open to interpretation on purpose. 

After the death of his mother and sister, Henry goes straight to Hawkins High to find Patty, hoping to reach her before Brenner does. While at the school, he runs into Joyce, who voices to him her suspicions surrounding the animal killings, and what happened to Mr Newby at the Creel House.

At first, Henry thinks Joyce has worked it out, and that she knows it was him all along. “I wish you hadn’t done that…” he says, stepping closer. But Joyce clarifies just in time that she believes Henry’s father is the one who is dangerous, and that she believes he’s responsible for the terrible things that've happened in Hawkins recently. Maybe this is what gives Henry the idea to frame his father. Either way, he leaves Joyce alive. 

Both Brenner and Henry find Patty on the stage rafters, up on a high catwalk, ready to perform her part in the play. She’s initially wearing a set of wings as a prop, which are attached to the rafter to be lowered. Henry unties her from these wings, pleading with her to run away with him. An argument ensues with Brenner, where he attempts to convince Henry that Patty is his weakness, and that he needs to kill her to let her go. Patty tells Henry not to listen to him. 

During this argument, Henry loses control once more, and the Mind Flayer takes over. This results in Patty slow-motion falling from the rafters as the shape of the Mind Flayer overwhelms the stage. She hits the floor on her back, presumed dead. 

(The stage effects for this particular scene were absolutely incredible, by the way.)

Henry is later seen back at the lab. He’s fully subdued, confined to a straitjacket, mouth gagged, and sat in a wheelchair. Brenner says the implant (Soteria) is in, about to take effect.

If we believe what Season 4 showed us, the play skipped the part where Henry appeared dead alongside his mother and sister (just before Victor is then blamed and incarcerated at Pennhurst Asylum). So assuming that Brenner played a part in covering up Henry’s involvement in the Creel murders, Henry is presumed dead by the town at this point too. Unfortunately the play doesn’t address this, as instead we see Henry run immediately from the dinner table murder scene, straight to Hawkins High to find Patty. It’s a big inconsistency which I guess they want us to explain away with Henry being an “unreliable narrator” in the show. I guess he gave Nancy the abridged version of what happened!

Anyway, it appears that Henry later finds Patty in the void, despite Brenner telling him that he killed her. It seems she has successfully left Hawkins and found her mother in Las Vegas, just as she always dreamed of doing. She uses a walking stick, but otherwise appears alive and well. 

We hear and see static as Henry watches the scene unfold, and Patty glances over her shoulder, like she senses him. But then she turns her back and walks into the distance with her mother. 

An alternative take that I heard from someone, was that perhaps Patty is truthfully still seriously injured and is actually in a coma (similar to Max). They thought that maybe the final scene of Patty with her mother was actually just something that Henry was creating for her in her mind, as a sort of last semblance of goodness and love. I don’t think that’s what was intended, but it was an interesting take that I wanted to include! 

As the show nears its end, we’re presented with a series of newspaper articles relaying the tragic Creel Murders in Hawkins (possibly the same ones that Nancy and Robin find in Season 4). The Creel family all dead, Victor is blamed and sent to the asylum. The empty Creel House remains, a reminder of the horrors. It then shifts back to Hawkins lab, who are now recruiting pregnant women for experimentation. 

Brenner introduces a pregnant woman to Henry (who is still bound to a chair and fully subdued) and explains to him that the "blood transfusion" finally worked on a subject. He points to the woman's belly and remarks, “One, meet Two!" “You are as much a father to them as I am,” Brenner says at one point. Then, “Come… meet your brothers and sisters.” Even though we know Henry is not in any way related to the lab kids, they definitely played into the father/guardian/creator metaphor in the play. If not family by blood, then by circumstance. 

We see photos of the babies created in the lab, with their numbers underneath. We can recognise Eight as young Kali. Eventually we get to Ten, at which point the stage focuses on a now older Henry, wearing his recognisable Season 4 orderly outfit. He kneels beside a child with buzzed hair. 

"Hello, Eleven. Come with me.” He takes her by the hand, and they walk into the distance together. 

———

Some final thoughts:

Because of the incident with Patty during Joyce's play, we can infer that's why she is unsuccessful in her goal to impress the university, and remains stuck in Hawkins - just like Lonnie said she would.

Lonnie is awful, and I’m in two minds about how he’s handled in the play. They did a good job to show he’s always been a douchebag, and unlike what I’ve seen some people say, I actually think it was horribly believable that Joyce (who they establish likes 'bad boys') ends up going back to him and having kids with him. We know from Season 1 that there’s emotional abuse with Joyce and Lonnie, and to me, it makes horrible, horrible sense that it all ends up the way it does. I’m just not sure how I feel about Lonnie being used as any kind of comedic effect in the play (he makes a brief reappearance at the police station, where he’s been lying drunkenly handcuffed on some chairs the whole time during a scene... “It wasn’t me! I didn’t do it!" he says, or something to that effect). I feel like using him in that way diminishes how truly awful he is as a character. Maybe I’m just being too sensitive, but I’d much rather they had kept all the laughs and jokes for the other characters, and treated Lonnie completely seriously the whole way through. I don’t want to see him in any way ‘likeable’ or ‘relatable’ or ‘funny’, you know? Not even for cheap audience laughs. This is a guy who called his own kid son a f*g. Let's treat that with the gravity and solemnity it deserves, please.

Louis McCartney and Ella Karuna Williams as Henry Creel and Patty were great, and Isabella Pappas as Joyce was amazing. Dr Brenner was nicely emulated by Patrick Vaill (I personally think he was one of the most believable characters from stage to show). The best performance of all though was Christopher Buckley as Bob. Like, damn, give that kid all the awards! He was so believable as a young Bob, I actually forgot it wasn’t somehow a young Sean Astin on stage. *chef’s kiss*

As previously mentioned, all the parents of the kids are present in the play (and already coupled up). None of these characters are particularly fleshed out, and I think they’re mainly just there as fun ‘Easter Eggs’ to connect it with the show. E.g having Claudia own another cat that gets killed, seeing Ted Wheeler ironically as some kind of jock god who gets all the ladies (and cheats on Karen with, by the way!), Joyce holding an axe prop near the end mid-rant (“Why am I holding this??”) and Hopper making a remark about breaking his own foot (which he does in Season 4). 

They definitely seemed to be going back on the whole ‘it was Henry/Vecna the whole time’ thing from Season 4: the Mind Flayer has been pulling the strings from way before El sent Henry to Dimension X/Upside Down. We even see the Mind Flayer in the shape of a giant eldritch spider during the play, way before Henry appears to ‘shape’ it in Season 4. However, I think it’s also possible that Henry DID actually manage to take control of the Mind Flayer the second time he arrived in Dimension X (as we see at the end of S4). At that point, he’s killed all the lab kids and staff at Hawkins Lab, so he will be much more powerful now compared to the Henry from the play. By now he’s completely embraced the Mind Flayer’s philosophy, and is acting in its stead entirely on his own volition. Honestly? I think they’re going to leave it ambiguous on purpose. I think that’s why the play is technically canon, but totally not necessary before seeing Season 5. I think Henry and the Mindflayer are 'one' (lol) at this point - I think that’s what Vecna technically is. He’s like an amalgamation of this terrifying eldritch being that we can never begin to understand, but at the same time also something that is still deeply, deeply human.

The Henry side of him seems to be lost, but in a way Brenner was right - his feelings for Patty, whether ‘Puppy Love’ or real - was his one redeeming weakness in his early teen years. Judging from the play, I think it’s possible we might see a tragic sort of redemption moment in S5 (which I personally have mixed feelings about). But I do believe the play is supposed to be entirely separate, and that it’s possible Patty will continue not to be mentioned or relevant in the show (I hope I’m wrong). I just can’t help but be cautious in assuming the Mind Flayer is still the one in control after what they set up at the end of Season 4 (especially with Will saying, “it’s weird to know who it was this whole time” re: his own kidnapping and possession). I think Henry has become his darkest self as Vecna.

Speaking of Will… there were noticeably a LOT of parallels with him in Henry. Henry wears pretty much exactly Will’s outfit from Season 4, yellow tones with beige and brown. Meanwhile Patty wears a blue cardigan and a blue dress - at least in Act 1. I’m not hugely into the blue-and-yellow thing in a serious way, but even I noticed there were blue and yellow motifs for Henry and Patty. She wears a bright yellow top with her blue cardigan at one point too. I think there was definitely a mixture of both Will and El in Henry’s character.

Meanwhile Patty had noticeable similarities to Mike. She’s rebellious, outspoken, loves comic books, and worships superheroes.

Seeing the play hasn’t impacted my beliefs or hopes for Byler in any way. I think there are potentially good things to be taken from the writing, and potentially bad things too. My current confidence has neither been raised nor lowered, but what I will say is that it’s undeniable that the Henry x Patty relationship mirrors both Mileven and Byler, but especially Mileven. Hentty is obviously a star-crossed tragedy, deliberately set up like Romeo and Juliet, which we know is NEVER a good thing. I do find it interesting that their love confessions were an exchange, unlike Mike’s monologue. Patty is the one ‘present’, whilst Henry is the one trapped in the void with his eyes closed/blindfold on. It’s a high stakes moment. Patty tells Henry in desperation that she loves him, but she follows this up by pleading with him to say it back. I didn’t see anyone else talking about this, but it really stood out to me.

The play’s themes and messages still reflected what I believe the show to be about: rejecting forced conformity (it dealt with people’s ideas about what it means to be “normal” to fit in, about sex not being taboo, harmful black and white morality, and the damage that can occur from enforcing religious dogma)... and of course, like Joyce said, that love will ultimately conquer fear. Over and out!

[This kind of introspection throws up unsettling and complex ideas about the nature of human morality. What does it mean to be human? Who gets to decide who is “other”? How do we treat those who are different from us? These are huge issues, and far too esoteric for most of us to deal with in abstract. So the way we choose to explore them is in stories.] - Michael Davies

[ihopesocomic]

Was the last thing I posted about my unsupportive family inappropriate? I know it was heavy, but I felt like venting a little bit since I just came back from a week-long church camp that was againt lgbtq as well. A pastor even condemned lgbtq in front of a bunch of kids there as “immoral.” Like, I just want to live my life up to this point, I’m sick of having my attractions to boys and girls looked down upon.

Yea I'm afraid we can't post that as it's potentially triggering for other readers. That's why we ask people don't treat this like a vent blog. While we appreciate that people feel comfortable enough to message us, we are still complete strangers with no actual training on this sort of thing. And we will always advise that anyone seek professional help if they're in a dangerous situation.

But I feel for you, I came from a religious upbringing as well, and I've heard and seen how my parents and family reacted to queer people. (They have gotten better over time.) I'm guessing you're in a position where your parents are making these choices for you and you dont have a lot of say in it. Alot of people in religion have completely misguided views on what qualifies as compassion and they don't actually practice the religious texts presented to them. Especially because if they actually read, those religious texts never actually say anything about being queer being a sin. It's hypocritical and incredibly discouraging, but its beliefs I have long unsubscribed to. So all I can say is stay strong. You being strong-willed is what they don't want. And you're better than them. You're not the only person who's in that situation and you'll find like-minded people who will be a great support system that'll allow you to grow as a person and find out who you are. I'm glad the comic has helped in some way, but I hope you find your people because friends make life that much easier to navigate. And again, seek professional help if you're in a situation you don’t feel safe in. - Cat

[rev-krissy]

I got an ask about if having doubts makes you a bad Christian. This human’s last church was one that discourages asking questions. I figure someone else may need to hear this too…

I like questions and curious people. When I hear someone say questions are bad it makes me wonder what they are hiding or of it is really about control.

Thomas doubted, Jesus didn’t condemn him, just showed him what he wanted to see. All of the disciples asked questions and Jesus never condemned any of them!

Jesus told a story, ‘The Kingdom of God is like a man who has two sons and the younger son asked for his share of the property and went to foreign country and spent it all on partying. There is a famine and the only job he can get is feeding pigs and he’s starving. So he goes home. Before he can ask to be hired as a servant his dad hugs him, kisses him, calls for clean clothes and a ring and a party to reconcile the child to the community. Big brother refuses to come in and even questions his father’s love and his father says son everything I have is yours and you are always with me.

Does that sound like condemnation? It sure doesn’t sound like that to me.

John 3:17 is so much more important than it’s more famous companion “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through him.”

Also, just consider that Israel means “strives with God” Jacob literally wrestles with God… Abraham and Moses both argue with God and get God to change their mind. From the ancient rabbis to the modern day all progress, and not just in theology but certainly there too, has been sparked by questioning, by wonderments, and doubts and experiments.

Keep asking questions and expressing your doubts, God is a big God and can certainly handle it!! If a church or pastor tells you it is wrong to ask questions run fast and run far!!!

Hugs to all that need them!

[apoemaday]

Meditations in an Emergency

by Frank O’Hara

Am I to become profligate as if I were a blonde? Or religious as if I were French? Each time my heart is broken it makes me feel more adventurous (and how the same names keep recurring on that interminable list!), but one of these days there’ll be nothing left with which to venture forth. Why should I share you? Why don’t you get rid of someone else for a change? I am the least difficult of men. All I want is boundless love. Even trees understand me! Good heavens, I lie under them, too, don’t I? I’m just like a pile of leaves. However, I have never clogged myself with the praises of pastoral life, nor with nostalgia for an innocent past of perverted acts in pastures. No. One need never leave the confines of New York to get all the greenery one wishes—I can’t even enjoy a blade of grass unless I know there’s a subway handy, or a record store or some other sign that people do not totally regret life. It is more important to affirm the least sincere; the clouds get enough attention as it is and even they continue to pass. Do they know what they’re missing? Uh huh. My eyes are vague blue, like the sky, and change all the time; they are indiscriminate but fleeting, entirely specific and disloyal, so that no one trusts me. I am always looking away. Or again at something after it has given me up. It makes me restless and that makes me unhappy, but I cannot keep them still. If only I had grey, green, black, brown, yellow eyes; I would stay at home and do something. It’s not that I am curious. On the contrary, I am bored but it’s my duty to be attentive, I am needed by things as the sky must be above the earth. And lately, so great has their anxiety become, I can spare myself little sleep. Now there is only one man I love to kiss when he is unshaven. Heterosexuality! you are inexorably approaching. (How discourage her?) St. Serapion, I wrap myself in the robes of your whiteness which is like midnight in Dostoevsky. How am I to become a legend, my dear? I’ve tried love, but that hides you in the bosom of another and I am always springing forth from it like the lotus—the ecstasy of always bursting forth! (but one must not be distracted by it!) or like a hyacinth, “to keep the filth of life away,” yes, there, even in the heart, where the filth is pumped in and courses and slanders and pollutes and determines. I will my will, though I may become famous for a mysterious vacancy in that department, that greenhouse. Destroy yourself, if you don’t know! It is easy to be beautiful; it is difficult to appear so. I admire you, beloved, for the trap you’ve set. It’s like a final chapter no one reads because the plot is over. “Fanny Brown is run away—scampered off with a Cornet of Horse; I do love that little Minx, & hope She may be happy, tho’ She has vexed me by this Exploit a little too. —Poor silly Cecchina! or F:B: as we used to call her. —I wish She had a good Whipping and 10,000 pounds.” —Mrs. Thrale. I’ve got to get out of here. I choose a piece of shawl and my dirtiest suntans. I’ll be back, I’ll re-emerge, defeated, from the valley; you don’t want me to go where you go, so I go where you don’t want me to. It’s only afternoon, there’s a lot ahead. There won’t be any mail downstairs. Turning, I spit in the lock and the knob turns.

[aerial-letter]

"But there's one immediately obvious difference between the megachurch and the corporate workplace: church is nice. No one will yell at you, impose impossible deadlines, or make you feel inadequate. Smiling volunteers greet you as you enter on Sunday morning, and after the service you may get to shake the CEO's--that is, the pastor's--hand. There is child care, as well as all the support groups and services. Best of all, even if you fail to tithe at the generally recommended 10 percent, even if you are guilty of frequent absenteeism or lack the time to volunteer, even if you lapse back into what was once known as sin and now understood as "negativity", you will not be asked to leave. And this may be an important part of the megachurches' appeal: they are simulacra of the corporate workplace, offering all the visual signs of corporate power and efficiency, only without the cruelty and fear. You cannot be downsized from church.

So the seeker who embraces positive theology finds him- or herself in a seamless, self-enclosed world, stretching from workplace to mall to corporate-style church. Everywhere, he or she hears the same message--that you can have all that stuff in the mall, as well as the beautiful house and car, if only you believe that you can. But always, in a hissed undertone, there is the darker message that if you don't have all you want, if you feel sick, discouraged, defeated, you have only yourself to blame. Positive theology ratifies and completes a world without beauty, transcendence, or mercy."

--Barbara Ehrenreich, Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America. 2009. p.146 (emphasis mine)

[tinyladofladdies]

welcome to tinyladofladdie's ! blog . . 𖦹°‧★🐚

about this page . . ˙✧˖° 🫧 ⋆｡˚꩜ :

i felt compelled to make a blog centered around sharing ✞the Gospel of Jesus Christ✞ on tumblr. the internet and technology oftentimes tend to be the source of a lot of evil and secular living, but i believe that for modern-day Christians, with a sudden inability to avoid technology in most spaces, if we are going to use social media, we can add a lot to the internet space to glorify God in the way we present ourselves online.

i want my page to be a safe space to share the Gospel, share testimonies, talk about Christian issues as well as how to navigate modern topics as a Christian, ask questions, and seek help 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 ( keep in mind, i am no mental health professional nor pastor. if you are facing a serious crisis, i will pray for you and do my best to help you with biblical advice, but i would highly recommend seeking immediate sources of help if something is more troubling than any help i can provide. )

🌊☆⋆｡🪼 if you’re a Christian and want to participate in this blog by testifying of God’s goodness, sharing advice, answering questions, or just interacting, feel free to stick around! please remember to operate through God’s grace and truth and represent Christ well as you interact with this blog. 𓆉︎ ࿔*

𓇼🧉❀🐚 if you’re a non-believer and find my page interesting, or a non-believer interested in asking questions / finding information (whether for the sake of skepticism or for the sake of seeking salvation), you’re also welcome to stick around! you’re so loved here regardless <3

𓆝 ⋆｡𖦹°‧🫧 heed . . while this page may eventually contain topics that are controversial at times, i believe there is a difference between conversation and argument. all people are welcome to exercise their opinions, questions, etc., but the last thing i want is for this page to become a place of toxicity or for anyone to feel mentally drained after a conversation. arguing for the sake of insulting or bringing anyone down, asking questions in bad faith with the intent to trap, mock, etc., are not what this page is for. disagreeing in a conversation is normal and not discouraged! starting an argument for the sake of bringing toxicity to my page is not welcomed or encouraged (see below for more details on how to interact with this blog!)

🌊☆⋆｡🪼𖦹°‧★ how to interact . . ˙✧˖° 🫧 ⋆｡˚꩜

｡ﾟﾉ 🪸🪼`◌ some ways that i encourage anyone to interact: come as you are, share what’s on your mind regarding the topics spotlighted on this page, ask questions, share your perspectives, seek safe space, reassurance, or advice. <3

Ꮺ °˳◌🫧`˳ how not to interact: trolling, bad faith “questions,” only entering or starting a conversation on this page for the sake of disrespecting Christianity (vs. asking a genuine question and simply disagreeing on a topic), insulting others, anything along these lines.

while i understand that the culture of today commonly uses certain phrases that many don’t think twice about, i respectfully ask that whether you are Christian or not, you do not in any way use the Lord’s Name in vain when commenting, asking, or submitting on my page. any blasphemy or disrespectful remarks about God will be removed & blocked. thank you.

◌🌊🐚Ꮚ°˳´ about me !

๋Ꮺ🗯️ you can call me scotty or little lad! the former is not my real name and the latter obviously isn’t, but both are alias’ i would like to be addressed as here on my tumblr. i commonly use little lad or something along those lines as an online username, and that phrase reminds me of scotland, which is part of my heritage and scottish gaelic is a language i am currently attempting to learn, hence where “scotty” came from.

˖°𓇼🌊⋆🐚 i am a ✞follower of Christ✞, currently attending and serving a non-denominational Christian church in socal. i am an 18 year old girl and still a senior in highschool as of now (graduating soon!). some of interests of mine include: learning about history, theology, and religion as a whole, marine biology & chem, music/choir, certain video games, TV shows, and movies [franchises], the ocean & sharks !! i have many miscellaneous interests and things i eek ! over, so honestly either ask more if ya want or wait to unlock the lore as i casually show how much i love some random small thing online from time to time. i love making friends so please don’t ever feel intimidated to interact with my blog simply for friendship purposes!

˚˖𓍢ִִ໋🌊🦈 if you’re ever interested in learning about my viewpoints on specific theological topics, feel free to ask in the ask box or in a comment or message! theology, Christianity, and religion as a whole is such a complex topic that i cannot list every in-and-out of what i believe regarding church history, theology, etc. however, one other label i would give myself is “Bible-believing Christian,” on all topics of all time periods, what God defines as right and wrong remains regardless of culture or personal feelings!

◌🌊🐚Ꮚ°˳´ some other resources:

what is the Gospel? ✞

my testimony ✞

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

｡ﾟ 🪸🪼 creds!

copy & paste symbols: xiaosworld & moontslight

dividers: roseraris

[shadycomputerpolice]

Who is a [black] woman?

Why are Hollywood's it "black" ladies usually the daughters of white women? Casting biracial women to play black women is one thing but casting biracial women with non black mothers to play black women is another and it is starting to feel intentional. I know many black people are going to say "biracial people are black why does it matter?".

It matters because

Firstly, black women claim they are not respected but when you claim a biracial with a non black mother is black you are accepting that black women are not needed to replicate ourselves. You are accepting that a white/asian woman can birth us but we definitely cannot birth them (you would be institutionalised for even suggesting that biracials are white/asian). This believe is a clear evidence of black people's especially black women's low self esteem.

Secondly, this coopting is taking opportunities from black women. Contrary to what your pastor told you, there actually isn't enough to go around. Lucrative roles in Hollywood are very limited so if biracial women are cast as black women this takes away roles from monoracial black woman. Please know that when it comes to commercial movies that aren't Black Panther, Hollywood will prefer to cast biracials over black people because they have the preferred phenotype that won't discourage the non black audience from watching. Monoracial black women have to spend years paying their dues get a lucrative jobs in Hollywood. For example: The very talented Taraji P. Henson had to cry about her low wages but Halle Berry doesn't have to.

Let me attempt to address the biracials are Black ideology.

First of all, biracials have a non black parent and I don't why black people and biracials who identify as black just want to ignore a parent's race especially the mothers'. I have always distrusted biracials with non black mothers who claim to be black. In my mind, I think "so you are just not going to acknowledge the race of the person who literally grew you in their body?" Biracial people are of negro ancestry but they are not negroes. They can acknowledge and even celebrate their negro ancestry without claiming to be black.

I don't care what anyone says but I respect Tyla, the South African singer, that stood her ground on her coloured heritage (NB: coloured is not a slur in South Africa, it is a recognised legal identity for mixed people). I applaud her for acknowledging the races of her family.

Secondly, the one drop rule is an American legal construct that isn't based on biology. There are countries that legally recognises mixed race people as different from black people for example, South Africa. Again, biracial people are the offspring of a black person and a non black person. Let a biracial person have a child with a white person and a black person (monoracial) have a child with a white person and then you will know that biracial and black are not the same.

In conclusion, I know that the discussion of biracials being black is never going to end but black people need to forget that Kumbaya bs and accept that we live in a world with very scarce resources. If you keep inviting people to your table to eat, there will be none left for you.

[olderthannetfic]

In response to the AI author person - I’m glad these tools are helping you, but, with all due respect, I’m still scared shitless that companies are going to replace actual writers with people like you, or, once technologies like chat GPT improve, AI itself. And this angers me because it shows that corporations (who already control many avenues of entertainment) don’t value the arts. In fact, there’s been a mysterious increase in slashing funds for art and writing programs in schools across the country, so it isn’t just corporations - it’s everyone in power these days.

It’s turning art even more into an industry about money, rather than creativity. The Entertainment and writing industries already discourage invention in creative works in favor of generating profit through repeating things that have already sold. And I’m so, so scared I’m going to see that mentality spread to FanFiction. Because even though it doesn’t sell, per se, certain tropes already gain more views than others - and that’s a currency in itself.

And Art isn’t just something to create or consume - it’s a catharsis. A release. A way to teach people important lessons through metaphor and narrative - especially in works that are genre-defying (or even genre-defining.) Bur the rise of ChatGPT and AI shows that the people championing and promoting this technology don’t want us to truly learn from writing and art anymore. They might not realize this, but they’re letting people in power incentivize us to blindly believe whatever BS they’re selling us - which generally serves to line their pockets and make everyone else poorer - in exchange for further convenience.

And don’t get me started on the ethics of data scraping. Really. Don’t. But even if AI has helped you, it’s hurting more people than it helps overall, and I think that’s what matters.

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Art has been made mass market many a time, and all it does is spur more pastoral fantasies and movements to value traditional hand crafts.

I'm not saying there's no danger, but people like individual artists because they feel like they have an emotional connection with that person's art or maybe the artist themself.

The solution is for consumers to personally reject corporate crap. It doesn't require everyone. It just requires little communities of people.

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Things are bad, but they aren't worse than for your average person caught up in England's industrial revolution. Advertising is plastered everywhere. Wages are shit. Pollution is epic. Culture is changing. Cities are filled with isolated, disconnected people.

We've been here before.