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inorganicone2230 · 1 year

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Purity (Finale Part 2 of 2) Yandere!Overhaul x Fem!Reader

Finale Part 1 of 2

Summary: Overhaul meets a quirkless foreigner who holds some very interesting views on his way of thinking. The more time he spends with her, the more he wants to keep her and her purity for himself. And he has no problem with falling to the depths of obsession if it means getting what he wants.

Other Warnings: Trigger warnings, mentions of past domestic and physical abuse, blackmail, referenced kidnapping, referenced rape, referenced physical abuse/torture, emotional and mental manipulation, toxic relationship, gaslighting, forced pregnancy, VERY YANDERE!!! See tags for more…

Side Note: I do NOT and never will condone the actions committed in this and future chapters, please be mindful and respectful of the fact that all of this is purely fiction.

“Good night, Mama.” Kazue’s sleepy little voice whispered as you watched him snuggle down so far into his pillow and blankets that all you could see was his head of chestnut hair, a perfectly matched shade and cut to Kai’s.

“Good night, baby. Sweet dreams.” You replied, smiling and quietly closing the door just enough that some light from the hallway would leak in for him before moving onto Eri’s room.

Kazue was such an easy child to raise, probably because he took after his father in so many ways. He adored Kai and wanted to be just like him when he grew up, and it was a notion that you were still slowly coming to terms with. Now that he had a better handle on it, Kai and some of the other Precepts were just beginning to teach him how to fight and use his quirk, which had developed a little over a year ago and it was giving you some major anxiety, even if, rationally, you knew it was a necessary thing to do. He was your baby boy after all, and you hated the thought of him being put in any kind of danger, regardless if it was in a controlled environment or not. But, as Kai had so logically pointed out, he needed to learn how to control his quirk early on, because if he didn’t, he could become a serious threat to himself and to others.

The question of whether or not Kazue would even develop a quirk at all was always a hot topic amongst those in yours and Kai’s ‘inner circle’, what with you being quirkless and all, and a few of them, your sister included, had even started betting on the outcome. So the day it finally happened, when Kazue had been throwing a rarely seen temper tantrum and unintentionally overhauled a small toy that had been in his hand, it came as a bit of a shock.

As expected, Kazue’s own quirk was nearly identical to Kai’s in every way, except for one, that being his didn’t work on organic material. Kai had actually breathed a sigh of relief when that particular detail had come to light.

When you asked him about it that night, as the two of you laid in bed and he rested the side of his head on your stomach while you traced idle patterns on the skin of his bare back. He told you the story of how his quirk was so late to develop, that he was actually thought to be quirkless himself. His birth parents weren’t kind people by any means, and having a supposedly quirkless son was like receiving a slap in the face to them. His mother, thankfully, ignored him most of the time, but his father was much more keen on showing his displeasure via his fists, and one day, during a particularly harsh beating, he’d lifted a hand to try and fend off a punch to the face, and the moment his father’s fist collided with it, he’d exploded in a shower of blood and gore. His mother had come in only a few seconds later, took one look at the bloody sight and fainted before she could even scream. He’d walk out of the house right after that, with nothing but the clothes he had on, and he never once bothered to look back.

He’d only been ten at the time, and he spent the next year and a half living on the streets. He practiced alone and taught himself how to use and control his quirk, learning its limits and what exactly he could do with it, scavenging for food in dumpsters or stealing what he needed from other street rats or homeless people. And that’s how he’d lived, until the old man, Pops, had found him and taken him in.

That’s why he was so relieved that Kazue wouldn’t ever have to worry about accidentally overhauling anyone. He didn’t feel guilty about how his father died, but he didn’t want his own son to have to go through the potential guilt if he unintentionally hurt a loved one.

Kai, as a father, did have many good qualities that you could see your children picking up on, like his excellent manners and his penchant for cleanliness and organization, but there were also many you hoped they would never inherit or try to emulate, like his anger and controlling attitude. But even those traits had tempered over the years since your son’s birth, and though you still harbored a deep resentment in regards to the hand life had dealt you, you were now a big enough person to admit that Kai was a wonderful father. It didn’t erase his past sins or mean he was now an inherently better person, because you knew that his newfound gentleness and more mellow temper only extended to a select few people outside of you and the children, but it was a continued step in a better direction. And given the circumstances that brought you all to this point, you could surmise that this was better than nothing.

As you approached Eri’s bedroom a little ways down the hall, you smiled at the brightly painted purple door. It was adorned with a multitude of colorful stickers, ranging from pretty butterflies and fairies, to cartoonishly styled items of food; like a dancing hamburger and a very shiny pile of takoyaki. But what stood out the most was the chalkboard she had hung there last year. She wrote down a weekly list of everything she planned on cooking for the week and encouraged everyone who had access to it to write down suggestions. There was even a step stool left next to the door so that she and Kazue could easily reach it.

And speaking of Kazue, you noticed right away that he had jotted down, in his own messy script, a suggestion for homemade dino-nuggies, and right below that was an agreement from Rappa, though he had specified that they be manly dino-nuggies, whatever that meant. Even Kai had made a suggestion, this one for the beef stew with star anise, the very same one she’d been making the first time she called him ‘Papa’. It was a personal favorite of his, and while you weren’t sure if Eri knew the specific reason as to why, she always made it every time he asked for it.

Knocking on the door, you waited to be given permission before entering.

Eri, now eleven years old, was sitting up in her pink canopy bed, the room bathed in the twinkling of tea lights and the warm glow of the lamps she preferred to use for lighting over the brighter overhead light.

She was writing down notes in one of her many journals while she watched a cooking show on the TV and smiled when you came in. It came as quite the surprise to you when Kai got her the large flat-screen and set it up with a few streaming services for her, especially since he normally didn’t care for television in the slightest. When you asked him about it, he told you that he just wanted to do what he could to encourage her passions, and since he couldn’t hire a teacher or send her to a culinary school, for obvious reasons, this was the next best option he could think of. He even got her a tablet that she could use for when she was in the kitchen, to look things up and watch videos for more complicated steps and recipes.

Like with all things though, Kai had certainly covered all his bases where this aspect of your lives was concerned.

Any devices you all had access to were specifically designed and programmed to avoid being able to contact anyone from the outside world. Kai controlled all the passwords and had the internet usage heavily monitored at all times, and while you tried your best to ignore that detail, you wouldn’t deny that you had tried logging into some of your old social media accounts on your own tablet back when he first gifted it to you, only to find that access to such sites were totally blocked. You couldn’t even contact site moderators or IT for any of the sites and apps you were permitted to use.

“Hey there, Sweetheart!” You said cheerfully, pushing all those thoughts to the back of your mind as you closed the door behind you.

“Hey, Mama! What’s up?” She asked, scooting over to make room for you on the bed.

You took a seat beside her. “Nothing much, I just got Kazue to finally settle down for the night and I thought I’d come say good night to you.” You peeked at her notebook and then up at the television where a man in a stage kitchen was currently explaining how to make what appeared to be a somewhat complicated looking pastry dish, possibly a soufflé from the looks of it. “What new delicacy are you coming up with now?” You asked her.

“A dessert omelet!” She replied, her eyes shining like they always did when talking about food. “I have some eggs and fruit I need to use up, so I thought I’d give this recipe a try and fill them with fresh fruit and maybe some honey or whipped cream.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the eagerness and joy that laced her tone. This beautiful young lady sitting beside you was so far removed from the lonely, isolated and abused child you had met all those years ago that they may as well have been two completely different people. She hadn’t been triggered or had a nightmare about the past in so long, and you prayed every day that they would never return and she could stay this happy forever and always.

“I look forward to trying them!” You told her. “I never would have thought about treating an omelet like a crepe, but now that you’ve mentioned it, it definitely sounds like it could be a good combination.”

Eri smiled and nodded along happily. “I know Papa will probably want strawberries with his, and since he doesn’t care for anything super sweet, I bet I can replace the whipped cream with slightly sweetened yogurt or cream cheese.” She tapped her pencil against her chin and rattled off a list of all the items she had and what everyone would likely prefer with their omelet before turning to you. “Is there anything special that you want with yours, Mama?”

You thought about it for a moment. “I definitely want some mandarin slices in mine, but other than that, it's the chef's choice.”

She smiled at you, as bright as the sun and quickly made a note of it in her journal and you got up to gather her dirty clothes into the hamper, intending to do some laundry tonight or tomorrow.

“Hay, Mama?” You heard her ask a few moments later, and the suddenly morose tone to her usually chipper voice had you immediately turning to give her your full attention.

Her head was downcast and you could see that whatever was on her mind, it was enough to make her feel like she couldn’t make eye contact with you.

“What is it, honey?” You asked gently, giving her plenty of time to voice what it was she wanted to say while you took up your seat beside her again.

“Well… it’s just…” She trailed off, biting her bottom lip and nervously wringing her hands in her lap before she finally got the words out.

“You’re not… upset or anything?”

You blinked at her like an owl, completely confused as to what she could be referring to. Had you done or said something to make her believe you were upset with her? Or had you made a negative looking facial expression?

“Eri, sweetheart, why would you think that?” You asked her worriedly. “What’s this about?”

She shrugged her slim shoulders and ducked her head further down. “I don’t know.” She whispered softly. “I guess I just got worried that my question from earlier today had upset you. You seemed really shocked by it and I can’t stop thinking that I did something wrong by mentioning it.”

It took your brain a second to catch up with what she was saying, but when it did, you breathed a sigh of relief and proceeded to wrap her up in a tight hug.

“Oh, my baby girl, you don’t need to worry about that.” You assured her, kissing the top of her head. “It did surprise me when you asked it, but not in a bad way, and I’d certainly never get upset with you for voicing anything like that out loud. You didn’t do anything wrong and I am so sorry if my reaction made you think that you had.” You gave her another tight squeeze. “I don’t ever want you to feel like you can’t ask me things or be open with me about your thoughts and feelings. You understand?”

You felt her relax, lean into the embrace and nod in confirmation. “Thanks, Mama.” She said, nuzzling her head under your chin and you could hear the smile in her voice. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Always and forever.”

—————

You were in the midst of folding some of the laundry when Kai finally walked into the bedroom and he flashed you a tired smile as he came over to plant a small kiss on the apple of your cheek, one of the few physical touches you permitted him. You weren’t sure why you allowed it, in fact, you couldn’t even really remember when exactly you had started to allow it, but it never really seemed like a big deal, so it continued.

“How was your day?” He asked, his tone sounding exhausted, but he seemed content as he took a pile of the folded clothes from you and walked over to start depositing them in the drawers of one of the dressers.

“Same as usual.” You replied, hanging another one of his shirts on a hanger to put in his closet later and hoping he wouldn’t pick up on the strained nervousness in your voice. “How about yours, did the meeting go well?”

You saw his back go rigid for half a second before he resumed sorting the clothes into their respective drawers. “No.” He replied tightly. “Tensions were high, insults were thrown, and it ended… badly for them.”

You knew that particular phrase was code for ‘they did something to piss me off and now they’re all dead’. It was a notion you wished wholeheartedly that you weren’t so familiar with, especially not when it was an aspect of life your own son was going to have to face and deal with one day when he really started to learn the ropes from Kai, but it was undeniably a part of your life that you had, sadly, just gotten used to. And you hated yourself even more when you felt yourself biting back a small smile, because you knew exactly what it was that had put him on edge and set him off today.

You truly hadn’t meant to let his name slip out last night, but you couldn’t stop yourself from remembering the way his cock used to fill you up so perfectly, and you had been so deep in the fantasy that it had just rolled off your tongue without a second thought.

Kai had well and truly ruined you forever, you couldn’t even get off anymore without thinking of him or having him in the room with you. You knew how wrong it all was, how sick it made you, and you’d certainly berated yourself enough for it over the years. Every time you let your thoughts drift to him when you touched yourself, you hated yourself for not feeling as guilty about it as you probably should have. Every time you watched and listened to him fuck himself with his own hand, with your name on his lips, you felt yourself rising higher and higher to new forms of self loathing because you know your continued participation in, whatever this was between the two of you, was all the encouragement he needed. It was wrong on so many levels, but at some point in the last few years, you weren’t sure when exactly, you had completely given up on trying to quell those feelings and desires. It didn’t make you feel any less guilty about it after the fact, but you eventually learned that, in order to hold onto your sanity, you needed to take what comforts you could in your situation.

And physical touch had been the start of it.

You fought off that need for contact as long as you could, that urge you felt to be held in a strong embrace, and not just anyone’s arms, but his, in Kai’s specifically. And it all came to a head that night, when he’d told you about his adoptive father’s passing and you’d opened up your arms to him for the first time. You told yourself that it was mutually beneficial, that you’d get to have that itch scratched a little and you wouldn’t have to explain your reasoning too much because it could be written off as an act of compassion for the grieving father of your children. It was a win-win situation all around… or it should’ve been, if you weren’t so weak.

The familiarity of his warm body pressing against you like that had been like a balm that you hadn’t even realized you’d needed and missed until that moment.

You told yourself that you would secretly enjoy it only for as long as the night allowed and then you’d go cold turkey again, but when that next evening rolled around and the itch only grew worse, you couldn’t stop yourself from doing it again, and again, and again. Every night, for months afterward, you told yourself that it would be the last, but the last night never came, and after a while, you stopped trying to fool yourself all together.

But reacquainting yourself with the intimate feel of Kai’s body during these nightly embraces had the unfortunate side effect of slowly reawakening yet another urge you now seemed wholly incapable of controlling.

Your libido.

When you caught Kai in the act of getting himself off that day in his office, you suddenly realized that your memory did him a great disservice. You had forgotten just how thick he was, even when compared against the size of his own large hand, the way his face looked when he was lost in pleasure, how he would grit his teeth as he tried to hold back his orgasm for as long as possible, even the way his eyes would glaze over and grow heavy lidded when release finally washed over him, all of those details were pale and drab within the confines of your memory. You’d been so desperate to get away, not just because you were disgusted with him and knowing he was watching what could only be his own personal spank-bank material featuring you and he, but because you had a brief thought that maybe you should just put yourself out of your misery and go climb into his lap and sink down on his cock. That thought, no matter how fleeting it might have been, was too much for you to handle and made you feel so unbelievably dirty.

You’d tried to ignore it, had tried to suppress that freshly reawakened feeling for the remainder of the day, but it just got worse and worse as the day wore on. Because unlike Kai, you hadn’t taken the time to get yourself off in the years since Kazue was born, not even once.

Once you were no longer being forced to endure an overwhelming amount of sexual stimulation, you found that you just had no desire to partake in it of your own accord for quite some time. That’s not to say the urge wasn’t there, you just didn’t have the mindset to want to indulge it. Kai’s treatment of your body had left you feeling disgusted with yourself. You knew that it wasn’t true and none of it had been your fault, but all the same, you still felt used and dirty. The day you woke up after your accident and Kai informed you of his decision to end all the intimacy of your relationship, you had accused him of being a sex addict, but for a while there afterwards, you didn’t feel like you were much better.

And the weeks and months following the accident had been… difficult, to say the least.

Without Kai’s hands constantly grabbing for you in his usual touch-starved manner, you almost felt more naked than all the times before when he’d actually had you bare before him. Intimacy with him had become such a common and expected occurrence in your day to day life, and when it suddenly stopped so abruptly, you honestly hadn’t been too sure what to do or how to feel. No matter how uncomfortable and unwanted the feeling was, no matter how much you tried telling yourself that it wasn't true, you genuinely felt like you had no other value outside of what pleasures your body could offer him.

But that one night, after spending the whole day with thoughts of him clouding your mind, all you had wanted was to make him suffer just the tiniest bit alongside you.

Your little stunt with the vibrator had been a risky gamble, and a small part of you had been understandably worried that it would backfire on you and cause him to snap. But a much larger part, that part that was now capable of silently admitting to yourself what a wonderful father he was, that was the piece of you that knew he wouldn’t do anything, that he’d likely never do anything to hurt you ever again.

If nothing else, Kai had proven himself in that regard at the very least these last few years, and…

“(Y/N)?”

You jerked back in surprise when you felt warm fingers brushing your cheek and came out of your engrossing thoughts to find Kai kneeling before you with a look of confused worry on handsome face.

“Are you alright, sweetheart?” He asked gently. “I called out to you a few times, but you’ve just been staring blankly at that shirt you’re holding.”

You looked down to where he indicated at your hands and, sure enough, you had been wringing the fabric in your clammy hands so much that it was totally wrinkled and would need to be thrown back in the dryer for a few minutes.

Looking back up at him, you did your best to give him a reassuring smile and set the now wrinkled shirt aside and picked up another one to fold.

“I’m fine, I just have something on my mind, it’s nothing to worry about, I promise.” You told him, praying that he’d drop it and leave it alone, even as a small traitorous hope for the exact opposite bloomed in your chest when you remembered that this was Kai Chisaki you were dealing with, the man was completely incapable of dropping anything if he thought it was a hindrance on your well-being or mental state. His forceful pushiness might have mellowed out over the years, but just because his tactics had changed didn’t mean he hadn’t found other ways of getting you to talk to him about the things on your mind.

He stiffened a bit, probably not thrilled that you were keeping things from him, even if you told him they were inconsequential, but he nodded and gave you a quick kiss on the forehead before slowly rising back up to his feet.

“If you’re sure, just know that I’m here if you want to talk about it.” He picked up the last little pile of clothes to put away in the drawers and walked back over to the dresser, but he continued to speak. “I know you usually talk to your sister about the things that trouble you, and what with our history together, I can’t reasonably blame you for not wanting to let me in, but I’d truly like for you to share your burdens with me, even if you think I won’t like what you have to say.”

The words he spoke rolled around in your mind at lightning speed for only a handful of seconds as you contemplated just how much what you were considering could fuck everything up for you and everyone else if it went sour, Kai included, but in the end, you found yourself unable to hold them back this time.

“Eri just asked me a question today that I wasn’t sure how to properly respond to, that’s all.”

You tried to say the sentence as nonchalantly as possible, but it still felt as if you blurted them out like utter word vomit and you cringed.

If Kai noticed or cared about that detail though, he didn’t even so much as show it, however, you could see a notable change in his posture, even with his back still turned he now had every single one of his senses trained on you, totally eager to listen to whatever it was you had to say, no matter how mundane or trivial it might be. You didn’t often talk to him about things that you found stressful or upsetting, even when those topics concerned the children, not unless you felt it was important for him to be made aware of. And you supposed this was probably one of those times, as you’d rather bring it up with him first before Eri had a chance to corner him with the same question.

“Oh?” He asked a bit breathlessly and chuckled awkwardly. “Please don’t tell me it’s time to give her ‘the talk’, because I’m not so sure I’m ready for that conversation either.” His attempt at humor to help ease you into the conversation was not lost on you and you couldn’t stop the small grateful smile that tugged at your lips as a result.

But you very quickly wiped the smile off of your face and squared your shoulders in preparation for the inevitable. There was no going back now, and this time, you didn’t let the pacing or tone of what you said next belie any of what you were truly feeling.

“She asked me if she was ever going to get another little sister?”

…

The entire world seemed to pause at that, waiting in stilled silence as the words you just spoke hung in the air between the two of you, and for the life of you, you couldn’t tell what his reaction was going to be. He was as tense and as rigid as a bowstring, but with his back turned towards you, you couldn’t see his facial expression to gauge how he might be feeling. So, you held your breath in anticipation and prayed with all your heart that telling him this wouldn’t prove itself to be a colossal mistake on your part.

When Kai did eventually speak, his voice sounded hoarse and breathless, the sound barely above a whisper. “What-” He cleared his throat as the words caught. “What did you tell her?”

You breathed a sigh of relief when he asked that and it was like a weight lifted off your shoulders.

“I told her the truth.” You said softly, fiddling with the buttons on the shirt in your hands. “I told her that it was something for me and you to discuss privately with each other.”

Kai also seemed to breathe a sigh of relief at this and finally turned to face you. His expression was one of the softest you’d ever seen on him and his golden eyes were filled with such hope and stark longing that, had you been standing, it may very well have brought you to your knees. His own legs seemed to be shaking enough for the both of you anyway, and you briefly worried that he might just collapse then and there.

But he quickly pressed for you to go on, urging you to rip the bandaid off and cease the torment.

“And are we… discussing it?”

Before responding, you wondered how it had come to this. How in the span of a single day, you could go from loathing him, yourself, and all the things he made you feel for him, to smiling and wanting to talk about the absurdity of having another child with him, only for those feelings of contempt to circle back around and confuse you all the more. You shouldn’t want this, not with him at least, but you did. You never would have chosen to have your children with him, but now that he was their father, you would never leave or go back and change it, even if you were given the opportunity. Eri and Kazue loved and adored him, and if anything were to happen to him or take him away, it would break their hearts and you would never be able to endure that.

A therapist or even a more rational person might tell you that you had likely developed some form of Stockholm syndrome, and they would probably be right, but you were simply past the point of caring about that anymore. You would never be able to forgive him and forget about all he had done to you, and you were willing to acknowledge that you may come to regret this decision by the time morning came, but for now, this was what you wanted.

Taking a deep breath, you let the words go free and prepared yourself for what was to come, be it either good or bad.

“I want to have another baby, Kai.”

The look of absolute wonder and happiness that overtook his face was enough to make your heart flutter and you wholeheartedly expected him to rush for you, to grab up into his arms in a fit of joy and overzealous passion before dragging you to the bed to keep you there for the rest of the night.

But that’s not at all what happened…

Instead, an almost sad smile replaced the previous exuberance of his expression and he turned his back on you to continue putting away the laundry of all things, while you were left reeling from the confusion of it.

But Kai didn’t leave you in the dark regarding his unexpected behavior for very long at least as his next words answered the unspoken question.

“We’ll go and talk to Dr.Takani tomorrow and see what can be done.” He said, his tone far too even and nonchalant for it to be anything other than forced. “Our options might be limited since we can’t go to a hospital, but I promise we’ll figure out a way to make this happen.”

Your mouth was hanging open by this point and you didn’t even try to hold back the note of alarm that made your voice sound shrill and choked.

“What options? What are you talking about, Kai?”

Kai’s chuckle wasn’t one of amusement as he responded very bitterly. “Well, how else are we going to get you pregnant without IVF or artificial insemination?”

Your answer was immediate and without any hint of hesitation as you quietly whispered. “I just assumed we’d go about it the natural way… by having sex.”

You heard him let out a soft sound that was somewhere between a moan of pleasure fueled frustration, and a groan of pain as his hands went white knuckled gripping the top of the dresser.

“I-I’m sorry (Y/N), I just… I just can’t.”

…

The rejection, no matter how confusing and unexpected it was, shouldn’t have bothered you in the slightest, but it did, it really did. It tore something open in your chest that you weren’t sure could ever be repaired as tears, hot and shameful, burned your vision.

“You don’t want me…”

You didn’t intend to say it out loud, but you did, and you honestly weren’t sure if you meant for it to be taken as a question or as an accusation, but either way, it most certainly got a reaction out of him as Kai whirled around to face you, his face a mask of utter shock and confusion.

“What?!” He frantically replied. “Of course I still want you, how could you ever assume anything else after you’ve laid in bed with me and watched me stroke my cock I don’t even know how many times over the years?”

Now you were the one that was confused, even as a sense of uncomfortable relief settled over you at the knowledge that he still found you desirable.

“I don’t understand.” You whispered softly.

He looked as if he didn’t want to continue having this conversation at all, but he must have known that you wouldn’t drop it so easily, because he sighed in that particular way that told you he was about to tell you something that he thought you likely wouldn’t approve of.

“I want you, sweetheart, I want you so fucking bad it hurts, but I can’t have sex with you because I don’t trust myself to have the willpower to stop once you do get pregnant.” Was his quiet confession. “I told you before that if you ever came back to me for sex that things would go right back to the way they were, but over time, I’ve found I don’t want things to go back to that.” It was like the floodgates had opened and now that he had started, he couldn’t seem to stop. “I swear, I will do whatever it takes to give us another child if that is what you really want, but not at the expense of sacrificing all the progress we have made together these last few years.”

Your jaw was practically touching the floor, because that wasn’t at all what you had been expecting him to say, not that you had any idea what you were expecting in the first place, but it certainly wasn’t this level of selflessness.

Over time, you had come to accept and even appreciate that Kai did truly love you in his own way, and that he felt a great deal of genuine remorse for much of what he had put you through. Not all of it of course, there was only so much a person could do to grow and overcome the faults so deeply ingrained in them, but considering how things had started, this was a massive improvement. The old Kai would have taken full advantage of this situation and forced you to continue to have sex with him regardless of whether or not you only wanted it to go on just long enough for you to get pregnant. For him to turn down the opportunity to sleep with you after five years of celibacy, all because he didn’t want to risk turning back into that monster he had been, the monster you had hated so vehemently, it somehow made you all the more confident in your decision to end this standoff between the two of you.

Sex with Kai, as well as the prospect of having another child with him had both been subjects that were on your mind for far longer than you cared to admit, and in truth, you had settled on your decision a while ago, you just hadn’t been able to find the right time or way to broach the topic with him before now. But when Eri had so casually asked you her question today as you came into the kitchen to make some tea, you had known right away that now was as good a time as any. And your sweet, perfect daughter, who always knew how to help others, even when she wasn’t aware of it, had given you, not just a reason to bring it up, but the courage to do it as well.

Now you only needed to convince Kai that you wanted this just as badly as he no doubt did.

“And if I told you that I wouldn’t want it to stop even after I got pregnant?”

Kai shook his head and squeezed his eyes closed as he leaned back against the dresser for support. “Please don’t do this, (Y/N).” He quietly begged you, his voice straining as if he were in pain. “Not unless you are absolutely certain that this is what you want.”

You watched him for a long while, taking in the way he held himself back, all because he was scared that he might ruin the progress you and he had made together, and you suddenly knew what you needed to do.

By now, you knew that words alone weren’t going to be enough to convince him that you were confident in your decision on this matter, you were going to need to show him that you wanted him. So you didn’t give yourself the opportunity to second guess your choice in action as you stood up from the loveseat and slowly began stripping away articles of your clothing, piece by piece, never once breaking eye contact with him.

You had long since stopped being nervous or ashamed of your body and the way Kai would ogle it at every opportunity he was given, so even after five years, getting naked for him was an easy task, even if it should have made your skin crawl. You had once been indifferent to it, but not anymore, now you wanted his eyes on you, and wanted his hands and mouth and cock on and inside you even more.

He watched you now, every movement you made, with an all consuming intensity that had never been stronger, not even at the very beginning of all this madness. You once felt like he looked at you as nothing more than an object, like a doll or a piece of art, but not this time, now he looked at you dumbstruck, as if he was seeing you for the very first time. And you found you rather appreciated it now.

Once you were fully naked, it only took a handful of strides to reach him and you had to bite back a small smile at the way he gripped the top of the dresser even harder, like he was needing to fight for control of his own body, or else he’d lunge at you. You really wished he would, because you wanted him just as needy and desperate as you felt. You were so wet at this point, the moisture slicking up your thighs enough that Kai could likely already see the evidence of it himself. He wouldn’t even need to bother with the foreplay, though you wouldn’t object if he ended up needing to have a taste of you beforehand, you certainly wanted to taste him just as badly. You were surprised to realize that he had never insisted on the two of you trying out a sixty-nine position, so perhaps that’s something you could convince him to try with you later, once you’d taken him inside of you a few times.

Standing less than a foot away from him now, you had to tilt your head up to look at him, but not before taking a long and obvious look at the already hard and straining bulge in his pants before dragging your eyes up to meet the molten gold of his own.

“Can you honestly tell me that you don’t believe I know what I’m saying, Kai?” You quietly asked, your voice steady and strong, though breathy and full of want.

He swallowed thickly, the sound so audible that it may as well have been a curse word for all it gave away about what his decision would ultimately be.

“(Y/N)… I-” He dragged his gaze over every bare inch of your exposed body and you felt it like a caress on your skin. “Fuck…”

“I know who it is that I want.” Reaching out, you boldly placed your hand on his chest, just over his heart and rubbed your thumb back and forth against the spot as you took that final step forward and pressed yourself flush against him, your aching breasts and tender nipples pressing into his beautifully chiseled abdomen.

“And who I want, is you, Kai.”

—————

Kai was going to combust into flames, he was absolutely convinced that this conversation was going to be the final death of him and very soon his soul was going to be thrown down into some burning cell deep in the blackest pits of Hell.

He had never seen a more beautiful or seductive sight in all his life, and were it not for the way his cock positively throbbed in the confines of his pants, he might very well have thought he was dreaming this up right now. But none of his prior dreams about you, and there had been a lot of them over the years, none of them had ever been quite so vivid and true to life as this moment right here.

He had imagined this so many times before, each fantasy more beautiful and too painful to hope for than the last, and yet none of them could compare to the real thing.

The instant you’d mentioned having another baby, he’d felt his heart soar with unbridled happiness for one blinding moment, and then the fear had taken hold of him. The same fear that had plagued him every night since the first time you had been brave enough let him watch while you pleasured yourself beside him in bed, the fear that he would very soon lose control of himself and once again begin taking what he wanted from you by force. His decision to cut out all forms of intimacy with you for the last five years had been one of the hardest endeavors of his young life, but it had also been the most fulfilling. He’d never realized just how little he knew about you until he no longer had the haze of sex and carnal pleasure clouding his mind, and what he’d learned and witnessed had made him love you all the more. He still viewed you as his, he didn’t think he was capable of not feeling entitled to you, but the overwhelming sense of territorial possessiveness had lessened considerably over time.

He so desperately wanted to believe that he was capable of showing you the restraint and patience that you deserved, but he was truly terrified that one taste of you would be all it would take to undo the years of progress he’d made. Because if he took this step with you, and in the morning you said it was a mistake, he didn’t know what he’d do. The last time you willingly sought him out for sex had ended disastrously, not that you had any memory of what truly happened that day, but he did, and the thought that it could potentially happen again was terrifying to him.

However, he also knew you well enough to know just how stubborn you could be, and that you were always the type of person who would never willingly do or say things you didn’t mean. And the way you were looking at him right now, combined with the confidence in your tone and posture, it was cracking his already weak resolve.

So maybe, just maybe, if you, the one most harmed by all of this, were willing to set aside the past and try to move forward, perhaps he finally could as well.

“(Y/N)…” His breath hitched when your smile turned a little devious and you pressed your bare chest more firmly against him.

“Yes, Kai?” You asked sweetly.

Kai didn’t know where this teasing sensuality you were displaying had come from, but it was driving him mad. He wanted to touch you so badly, to drag his lips and hands over every single part of you and listen to you moan for him, to reacquaint himself with the familiarity of your beautiful body, and to see up close all the ways it had changed since you had first given birth. He was especially fascinated by the handful of stretch marks you had gained during and after your pregnancy. He knew you bore them on your breasts and stomach, but the ones he really wanted to see were the ones on your inner thighs. Those ones he had only ever caught brief glimpses of and he always fantasized about tracing them with his lips and tongue while he slowly made his way up to feast on your sweet and needy little cunt.

But, before he could even consider getting to any of that, he needed to make sure that this is what you truly wanted, beyond a shadow of a doubt.

“You’re sure this is what you really want?” He whispered. “I swear to you, sweetheart, I won’t hold it against you if you say ‘no’. We can find another way for you to get pregnant that doesn’t involve crossing this line, but if we do this, you need to know that I can’t guarantee that I’ll be able to show this same kind of restraint again if you change your mind in the morning or even later on down the road.” He paused and took a deep steadying breath before continuing. “I don’t want to be that monster you knew me as ever again, (Y/N). So if you have any doubts about this decision, then I beg of you, please, back out now, before this situation has the chance to escalate past the point of no return.”

There, he’d said what he needed to say, and now the ball was in your court, the decision was now yours to make, the way it always should have been, and he quietly waited with baited breath, both eager and hesitant at the same time to learn what your final response was going to be, and thankfully, you weren’t cruel enough to make him wait for too long to hear what that response was.

—————

You slid your hands up his body until one cupped his cheek and the other rested at the back of his neck, then you flashed him another soft smile as your eyes darkened with raw want and desire, desire for him.

“Kai, my answer is still the same; I want you.” Your thumb traced lazy circles on the back of his neck while you continued to speak, and the way he practically melted into your touch sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “The fact that you are so concerned about potentially hurting me and regressing back into your old habits is enough to give me confidence that you won’t. I trust you to take care of me and to respect my limits in a way you never did before, and if I ever feel like it’s too much or that I can’t take it, I promise I’ll let you know and we’ll figure it out together.”

You watched him close his eyes and slowly exhale a few seconds later, all the tension leaving his body at once as one of his hands reached up to rest over top of your own. He gently squeezed your fingers and turned his face into your still open palm to lay a kiss there, and you could have sworn he was breathing you in while he did it. The you from five years ago would have found the display annoying and disgusting, but the you of the present couldn’t seem to adequately focus on anything past the pounding of your own heartbeat sounding in your ears and the unbearable ache pulsating between your legs as Kai turned his ravenous gaze back to yours.

Once again you were expecting him to leap upon you with five years worth of pent up passion and need, and once again he thoroughly surprised you by finding yet another way to stall what you now knew was an undeniable inevitability as he shifted to pull out his phone and scroll for a number before bring it up to his ear.

The whole while, his eyes never left yours and they all but screamed the one single word that you knew your own were echoing back…

Finally.

—————

Kai’s hyper focused attention never once left your face as he pulled out his phone and selected the first number on his speed-dial list.

It rang three times before the recipient answered, and Kai was far too preoccupied to even care as he watched the tip of your pretty little tongue slip out to wet your lips, lips he soon planned to have his own against, and possibly wrapped around his cock later, if you were willing.

“Hello?”

Hari’s voice sounded raspy and breathless as he answered and Kai didn’t need more than one guess to know what must be causing it so late into the evening, especially with Rappa out of town at the moment.

Under normal circumstances, he might have been jealous or even envious over such a fact, but considering why he was making this call to his second in the first place, he couldn’t bring himself to give two flying shits this time. As long as his order was fallowed to the letter, Hari could still be sliding his cock between your sisters legs for all the fucks he had to give, all he cared about at the moment was passing along his message and turning his full attention back onto you.

“I need you to personally handle everything we have going on for the next week.” He quietly ordered, smirking down at you when your eyes widened and you mouthed back the words, ‘a week’. “Reschedule, shuffle things around, go to the meetings and distributions in my place; I don’t care what you have to do to make it happen, but I don’t want to hear one word about our business or dealings for the next seven days, not unless the issue is of apocalyptic proportions. Have I made myself clear, Chrono?”

Kai knew that Hari likely wanted to ask a series of questions, and he no doubt would the next time they saw each other, but for now, he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut and simply do as he was told.

“Yes, I understand.” His second in command responded obediently, but with obvious confusion. “I’ll see to it that you are left completely undisturbed for as long as you wish, and I’ll make sure everyone else is aware of it as well and the consequences that will come if they disregard the order.”

“Good.” Was all Kai said before he ended the call and tossed his phone aside with a careless flick of the wrist, and all the while his attention never strayed away from you. In fact, it only seemed to grow more intense with every passing second as he debated on whether or not he should be the one to make the first move and end this rather enticing stare down the two of you were having.

Thankfully though, and much like all of this evening so far, you took the decision right out of his hands as you smiled up at him and said the words that ripped open the floodgates.

“Well then, Kai, you have an entire week away from work to spend with me.” You said, your voice light and teasing as you pressed ever closer to him, stretching up on the tips of your toes to brush your lips against his own trembling mouth. “Whatever shall we do to pass the time?”

—————

Hari’s confusion was near palpable as he stared down at the dark screen of his phone wondering what in the hell that was all about. It wasn’t like Kai to take that much time away from work and the organization, and if there was some kind of emergency in the compound or with you or the children, his phone would have already been blowing up about it.

So what then could it be?

“Are you so obtuse that you can’t see what this is?”

Hari looked over to the other side of the bed and frowned to see that (Name) was already in the process of getting dressed to leave and the now familiar disappointment that followed that realization was more than enough to make him temporarily forget about Kai’s mysterious order.

“You’re leaving already?” He asked, not caring if he sounded like a petulant child.

“Yes.” Your sister responded, rolling her eyes as she wiggled herself back into her pants and proceeded to put on her bra. “I’m likely going to be responsible for the kids for the majority of the week, and I’d like to get some sleep tonight.”

Hari cocked his head, still confused. “Why do you think that?”

She raised one eyebrow and gave him an expression that just screamed, ‘Are you fucking serious right now?’. It was a look he’d grown accustomed to receiving from her over the years and somehow, it always sent a spike of pleasure zinging through him. He’d never admit it aloud, but he rather enjoyed letting her dominate him in bed and take the lead on occasion. Unlike Kai, he didn’t always feel an overwhelming urge to be in control of all things at every moment of the day, and he’d never been shy about being upfront with his bedroom partners in that regard. It just so happened that the woman standing before him now was perfectly comfortable with such things. Of course, he wasn’t at all opposed to being the one in charge either, but when he spent everyday ordering others around, it was something of a relief to not have to worry about it once in a while and be the one getting pampered.

“Because him and my sister are, in all likelihood, currently in the process of fucking each other’s brains out as we speak.” She replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Come on, you must have picked up on the way they’ve been eye-fucking one another at every opportunity they get lately, they haven’t exactly been subtle about it.”

Hari’s facial expression didn’t give it away, but as the words settled over him, he had to admit that he felt rather inept for not having thought of it himself. There were only so many things that could pull Kai away from his duties for such a long period of time, and if all was well with Eri and Kazue, then your sister was right, the only other option was you.

“What do you think brought this on?” He asked casually, hoping that if he kept her talking long enough, he might just be able to convince her to stay for another round, or even the whole night.

“Hard to say.” She was currently in the process of looking for her socks and shoes as she went on. “But I’m betting it probably has something to do with Eri asking for a little sister and (Y/N) having baby fever.”

At the mention of pregnancy, Hari couldn’t help but imagine what (Name) would look like all round and full with his own child and he silently wondered if she herself ever had thoughts of being a mother. But he shook those thoughts away, there was no point in dwelling on them at the moment, especially since she’d gotten an IUD a few years ago and was still more than regularly sharing herself with Rappa.

The thought of the lumbering buffoon and the following wave of jealousy was enough to soften his cock when he remembered that she never had any qualms about sharing a bed with Rappa afterwards, but never did so with him.

“Why don’t you stay here tonight instead of going back downstairs?” He quickly suggested it before he could rethink the offer. He could already see that she was opening her mouth to object, but he interjected before she could even get the words out. “Just to sleep.” He clarified, raising his hand in a peaceful gesture. “I know you prefer your room downstairs, but if you have to spend the week up here in the house anyway, why not stay here with me tonight and we can get you a room set up near the children tomorrow .”

(Name) didn’t say a word to him for a few long moments and just as he was about to rescind the offer, she finally spoke.

“I suppose that could work.” She said, eyeing him wearily.

Hari felt his face beginning to light up, only to have that joy dim just the slightest bit when she continued on.

“But I’m sleeping with my shirt and underwear on, and I am sure as fuck not going to cuddle with you. You stay on your side and I’ll stay on mine, got it?” She spat, her tone leaving no room for arguments or anything else as she stiffly began taking her clothes off again.

Despite his disappointment that he wouldn’t get to feel her in his arms tonight, Hari still couldn’t keep the small smile off his face as he watched her strip and stiffly climb back into the bed and wiggle under the covers.

Perhaps there was some hope for him after all, and he’d just need to take some baby steps to get there.

—————

Buttery soft sunshine was what you awoke to, but it was the soft kisses being left all along your shoulders and the back of your neck that kept you from dozing back off into peaceful slumber.

You smiled in contentment and lifted your arm, reaching it behind you to tangle your fingers in the soft chestnut strands of Kai’s hair while you arched your back in a small stretch, making extra certain that your bare ass rubbed against his already straining cock in the process.

“Good morning.” You whispered, your voice still thick with sleep and a tad bit hoarse from all the moaning and screaming you’d done the night before, even as your body fully responded to his gentle ministrations.

You felt him smile in response and his grip on your hip tightened as he groaned, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck and grinding his pelvis against the plump cheeks of your ass.

“Fuck, that feels so good.” He moaned, and opened his mouth to suck on the soft skin just below your ear. His hips were already picking up a steady rhythm as he slid his cock up and down between your ass cheeks and you pushed back with equal fervor. “I’ll never be able to get enough of you, my love, never.”

You shifted to roll over onto your back and look up at him, smiling as he leaned down to press a lingering kiss to your lips. The sunlight streaming in through the windows highlighted him like a halo and made it seem as though his golden eyes were sparkling, although, from the blissfully happy smile on his face, that sparkle may not have been entirely a trick of the light.

The previous night had been wonderful and amazing, it had been everything you wanted and yet nothing like what you had expected. You had anticipated being tossed down on the bed and fucked hard and fast like a bitch in heat for the first few times, because there were definitely multiple rounds, but instead, Kai had been insistent on treating you with such tender love and care. He asked you at every opportunity throughout the night if what he was doing was to your liking, not because he wanted your enthusiasm to help inflate his ego, but because he just genuinely wanted to make sure you were comfortable with everything he did. From the way he kissed you, to every position he put you in, every new-not-new action was followed through only after he had received your verbal consent. It was very much appreciated, but after a while, you had gotten so amusingly annoyed by it that you had at point told him that if he did so one more time, you’d gag him with your underwear.

The look of shock that had overtaken his face had been purely priceless, as had been the uproarious laughter that had erupted from him a few moments afterwards.

“How are you feeling this morning?” He asked cautiously, no doubt worried you might have come to regret your decision while in the cold light of the day.

You grinned up at him fiendishly. “A little sore and stiff, but it’s in all the best ways possible, so I don’t mind.”

Kai frowned a bit, pulling back the blanket to scan your body from head to toe, as if he expected to find your body littered with bruises and other injuries. Then he turned his eyes back towards your own and you could easily see the lingering guilt that shined there. It would be some time yet before he felt relieved enough to let go of it, if ever let go of it at all.

“You’re sure you’re alright?” He repeated. “You can tell me, I promise I won’t be angry.”

“I’m sure.” Then you lifted your arms, opening them up and motioning for him to return to them. “Now would you please come back over here, I was enjoying those cuddles.”

Kai, for his part, was convinced that this all must be a dream, a very wonderful one to be sure, but still a dream. But as he slipped back into the warm cradle of your arms and felt you begin your usual habit of tracing teasing lines and patterns across his back with the tips of your fingers, he knew this was real. Somehow, you had found it in your heart to try and move past the horrible things he’d done in order to have a fresh start with him. He knew you hadn’t necessarily forgiven him, he wasn’t even sure he deserved this second chance, let alone forgiveness, not when he couldn’t entirely forgive himself, but if this is what you wanted, then he would happily accept whatever bits of yourself you wanted to bestow upon him.

The two of you laid there in peaceful silence for quite some time, occasionally running a hand over one another or laying kisses wherever your lips could reach, just to remind one another that this was indeed real and not some fantasy.

“What are you thinking about?” Kai asked softly when you had been silent for longer than usual.

The two of you had switched positions at one point and now you were the one resting your head on Kai’s broad pectoral, still idly tracing patterns on the skin of his stomach and smiling devilishly whenever his hips would jerk and his cock gave a noticeable twitch. It wouldn’t take too much effort to slip a little further down and wrap your lips around him, and had he not just asked you a question, you would have done just that without a moment's hesitation.

“Nothing really, just thinking about how much I lo-”

The words slipped out so naturally that you almost didn’t catch yourself in time.

Both of you stiffened and the room went deathly quiet as the gravity of what you almost finished saying hit you both like a freight train. Your mind was in a tizzy, trying to come up with every line in existence to excuse what it was you almost just said. You don’t even know where the words came from, they just slipped out so smoothly, like saying it was the easiest thing you’d ever done.

As if they were true!

But they weren’t true, they couldn’t be true…

Could they?

Yes, you had grown to care for and appreciate Kai as the father of your children and even as a companion, enough so that you wanted to have more children with him, but that didn’t mean you… felt that way about him… did it?

“(Y/N)?” Kai called out your name softly, pulling you from your wild and chaotic thoughts.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I couldn’t quite make out what you were saying. Can you repeat that for me?” He asked with forced casualness.

You were so blindsided and confused that it took a moment for you to recognize what was happening, but when you did, the painful tension drained away in an instant as you realized what he was doing.

Kai was offering you an out, to chance to back away from this topic for the time being, until you were ready to face it, IF you were ever ready to face it.

You wished wholeheartedly that you weren’t such a fucking coward, but so much had happened in so short a time between the two of you, and dealing with this, on top of everything else, was just asking for too much.

So you took that out, shelving the topic to be addressed at another time… or possibly never.

You cleared your throat. “I… I was only saying that I love… love what a wonderful father you are.” You said quietly, and patted yourself on the back that at least you were able to admit this truth. “Mistakes of the past or not, you always take such good care of them, of us, and I can’t thank you enough for that.”

Kai’s arms tightened around you instantly as he laid a gentle kiss to the top of your head, breathing in your delectable scent, now mingled with his own. “I will always take care of you. The three of you, hopefully soon-to-be four, are my whole world. I love you all from the bottom of my heart, and I will spend the rest of my life proving that to you, even if it kills me in the process. I swear it, my love.”

Your answering nod was all he needed to know you understood and believed him, and soon, the two of you once again lapsed back into that easy and comfortable silence, basking in the morning sun and perfectly content to let the future play out however it saw fit to do so.

And while you might not ever be able to say those three little words back to him, that was fine, because for now, this was all either of you needed.

The End

That is a wrap folks! Purity is officially completed!

3 years, 30 chapters, and nearly 200k words later and I honestly can’t believe I managed to finally finish it! It has been one hell of a ride from start to finish, and I just want to thank all of you for the absolutely amazing support you all have shown throughout the entire process. Whether you’ve been here from the very beginning or if you came in halfway through, or even if you’ve only just now found this, thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

But the one I want to thank the most is one of my best and dearest friends, @talpup, who has been with me from the very beginning, before I even started posting. Brainstorming ideas with me and allowing me to subject them to my never-ending slew of scene and detail changes, they have been my biggest supporter by far and I can quite honestly say this blog would not be active anymore were it not for them. I probably would have given up on this story and writing post worthy content a long time ago had I not met you my friend, this story is as much yours as it is mine and I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you! ❤️

So, to conclude, if ever there was a time to let me know your thoughts on the story as a whole, now is that time. I know this kinda happy/bittersweet ending might seem very lackluster and an ill-fit for what this fic started out as, but I hope that everyone who reads it can find at least a few satisfying conclusions throughout it. But this is how I always intended for the story to end and I, as the writer, am very pleased with it, and to me, that’s really all that matters. 😊

Thank you all, enjoy!

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imperator-titus · 2 months

Text

Ghost from the Past [Part 9]

The Gang finally figures out what Eletha's problem is.

Had this one written out for a while. Features a lot of my triggers because I'm fucking insane. Sometimes you just wanna punish yourself, right? That's normal?

CW: General Mental Illness issues, Mentions of past abuse and suicidal ideation, Also the Super Secret Weird Trigger

(Prev)[Part 8] (Next)[Part 10] [Master Post]

No one saw Eletha leave her tent for two days while they braved the shadow curse and all its challenges. Astarion would’ve stayed upset about this if he wasn’t excited about Raphael’s offer of help. Gale told him that they should wait and see before making any deals with devils and now Astarion was giving him the cold shoulder.

Worried and sick of the mood in camp, Gale convinced Bonnet to let him into her mistress’s tent. There he found her in a curious state: not quite elven trance, but not quite conscious either. Tentatively, he shook her shoulder, but she didn’t rouse. Clenched in her hand was a tattered scrap of cloth, perhaps a remnant of some once-fine robe or doublet.

“Pardon me,” he whispered as he decided his next course of action. Reaching out with both magic and the tadpole, he murmured softly, “Do let me know if I’m intruding.”

Something connected and his mind was transported to someplace else. The ground was just a shade different from the sky, creating a sense of boundless emptiness. Here he found Eletha sitting on the edge of- Well, it was a rather large hole with no discernable sides or bottom, just complete darkness.

“I’m sorry. I don’t have any tea or cake,” she told him listlessly, eyes not leaving the hole. Her skin was covered in scratches and her clothes were torn. “Poor reception for a friend. Wizard friend.”

“May I… sit?” Gale asked hesitantly, peering into the hole only to be met with nothing. Eletha nodded and he sat down beside her. “Is this what troubles you?”

“Mm. I’m losing it, aren’t I? Out there.” She didn’t wait for his answer. It was rather obvious that if he was here, he felt that she was in danger. In a haunting sing-song voice she went on, “Down, down, down. Spiraling down. Cracked like an egg, to hatch or to eat? The dry leaves sound lovely, under our feet.”

Well that’s concerning, Gale thought to himself. “What is in the hole?”

“Something old. Something bad. Lorelai.”

“Ah, your childhood name, yes?”

“Bad, evil, mean old Lorelai,” she said by way of answer, using the tone of a child talking about a monster in a book or a hated schoolmarm. Then darkly, like that hated schoolmarm, she added, “Little Lorelai doesn’t know any better.”

“You know, I was quite the scamp back in my day too. That’s how I met Tara. My parents denied me a kitten, so I summoned a tressym instead,” he explained with a fond smile and a twinkle in his eyes. He went on about other ‘naughty’ things he did as a child, such as summoning mephits or destroying things with errant magic. He felt that if he could get her to accept that making trouble as a child was a normal part of growing up, then she might begin to forgive herself for whatever she’d done.

Gale’s happy memories only served to weaken the edge of the hole further, bits breaking off every now and then. While speaking about his mother, how much he loved her, the hole suddenly emitted a disturbing sound. A wail mixed with crying, piercing and discordant. Gale stopped his story, training his senses to make heads or tails of what was happening. The wail faded as voices rose in its stead. Elven voices, melodic and refined, called out “Lorelai.”

“Lorelai, you are too young to make such decisions,” Eletha said in Elvish in a man’s voice. It sounded stern and agitated, almost hostile. “Non Moverē.”

She recited the incantation for a Hold Person spell with perfect precision, but it was only an echo of a memory. Whoever had cast it was highly skilled.

“You must set aside your feelings for the good of us all. I did not raise you to be a brat, A’Sum. This is a blessing,” she said in a woman’s voice. It was sharp and disappointed. This voice called upon the Weave to calm her daughter’s emotions.

“If you cannot behave, then we will make you behave, my blood or not,” a second man’s voice said through Eletha’s lips. It snarled, full of revulsion. “Impero tibi.”

I command you, from the tongue of an expert spellcaster. Young and inexperienced, Eletha would have been unable to resist.

“I… I think I understand,” Gale said after waiting a moment for her to continue. “It will be okay. You have us now. We won’t let that happen.”

“It doesn’t make a difference,” she said in her own voice, streaked with pain. “It’s always been here. It’s not going away this time.”

“What-”

A monstrous black claw shot out of the black hole. Gale threw himself back, only to fall out of Eletha’s tent.

“What in the hells was that about?” Karlach asked, looking down at him with confusion.

“I was trying to help,” he answered, trying to rub the befuddlement out of his head.

“MmMmh, breakfast?” Eletha asked blearily, poking her head out of the tent flap. “Can I have eggs?”

“No, Lethi, go back to sleep,” Karlach told her, pushing her friend back into the tent when she appeared to be asleep sitting up.

“So. What hot gossip did you two discuss?” Astarion purred as he approached Gale’s tent, where the wizard was currently writing in his journal. Despite his attempts to seem otherwise, it was clear that the question came from a place of concern.

“Do you remember anything of your families?” Astarion glared at him.

“No. All I know is what little Eletha has told me. They were semi-important.” Gale hummed in response, distracted. “Why?”

“Nothing. Only something to consider.” Astarion huffed with false humor. Scratching his beard, talking more to himself than Astarion, Gale said, “It’s a shame Cazador made you forget your old life. Of us all, you can relate to her the most…”

“I’m not sure I understand the similarities.”

“Held against your will by someone who claims to love you, to be your family. Made to behave. Bodies not yours to command,” Gale explained rather compassionately. Then he grew pensive again. “What did she do, that necessitated such methods of containment? Is it the action, or the reaction, that is affecting her?”

“Your guess is as good as mine. It’s always ‘I did a bad horrible thing, I’m evil, I can never be forgiven.’ Things like that.” Astarion laughed then sighed a little sadly. “Oh Gale. First a goddess. Now an insane elf. How does it feel to fall so far?”

“Does driving your first lover into the arms of pain and madness hurt worse or less than all the blood on your hands?” Gale sniped. Astarion startled, then bristled.

“That’s not fair,” he warned.

“Any more fair than what you just said?” Gale asked, getting to his feet. Standing tall, he had to look down at Astarion a little bit.

“Keep your meddling paws out of other people’s business,” Astarion growled.

“Why must you treat me like an enemy? We want the same thing: for her to get better. To do that, I’m afraid we must meddle in her business.”

“It’s not just her business, is it? It’s mine as well.”

“The business of a man buried over two centuries ago.” Gale tilted his head and the harshness left his eyes and voice. “You’re worried that she can’t forgive you.”

“Of course I am!” Stupid wizards. Why did they have to be so smart and also so slow at the same time?

“Mm, I find it unlikely. You hold a special place in her heart, broken or no,” Gale told him rather academically, picking something up from his desk. In his outstretched palm he held the scrap of cloth from Eletha’s tent. With a pair of tweezers, he carefully dissected it, revealing a lock of curly white hair. When his tweezers tried to brush the hairs, they were rebuffed. “A preservation charm. I can only assume that this hair once belonged to you, perhaps the garment this cloth came from as well. With a few tools and a wizard’s expertise, she could have easily found you in Baldur’s Gate.”

“But she didn’t. The one civilized place on the Sword Coast she’s never visited,” Astarion said harshly, hovering between shock and anger.

“There are many possible explanations. Eletha is a proponent of choices. You chose to leave, so she respected your choice. Perhaps she was afraid that you never loved her, or that you hated her for waiting so long to follow.” Gale carefully resealed the token so that it could be replaced in Eletha’s tent. “Perhaps she had no choice but to let you go. There’s no telling until she feels ready to explain.”

“I’ll put it back,” Astarion said after a moment, holding out his hand. Gale placed the token in his palm, only to gently take hold of his hand.

“It is a shame. I was hoping to encourage a relationship between us. Eletha was always interesting, a mix of mysterious and open, having lived a rich life of adventure. I had an impression that she found me interesting as well, but she is so clearly afraid of being hurt again.” Gale looked at their interlocked hands fondly. “I suppose I could say the same for you.”

Astarion clicked his tongue and emitted a soft sound of sweetness before threading his fingers through the loose waves of hair at the back of Gale’s neck. Pulling him down slightly while raising himself up on his toes, Astarion pressed their lips together in a needy kiss.Gale’s mouth opened slightly in a surprised gasp and Astarion found his tongue with his own.

Neither kissed like a novice, but it felt different. Electric. With the orb stabilized by Mystra, Gale didn’t fear the sudden excitement of flesh touching flesh or the sound of someone’s moans in his ears. Even Eletha’s light touches and chaste kisses on his head threatened to explode his heart after so long without a person’s touch.

He was suddenly aware of how clammy his hands had become. His body was shaking and his head felt like it might float away without him. A pit of sickness sat in his stomach and Gale pushed Astarion away just a little bit. Before Astarion could misunderstand, he said shakily, “I think it has been too long for me. I am a starving man eating more than his stomach can handle.”

Astarion’s face went through a range of emotions, from hurt to annoyance and finally thoughtfulness. “Eletha had that reaction too. I just assumed she was drunk, but the only thing you seem drunk on is the taste of my lips.”

“There is some truth to that,” Gale agreed with a light laugh. Holding a hand to his heart, he said, “I assure you, I enjoyed that very much.”

“I should… put this back,” Astarion said hesitantly with a small smile, indicating Eletha’s token. “Maybe I’ll come around later. Discuss… what was it we were reading now?”

“I have no clue.”

“Mm… I have done a number on you,” Astarion purred in self-satisfaction before leaving Gale’s tent.

Thankfully, Bonnet wasn’t sitting in front of Eletha’s tent when Astarion attempted to sneak in. The bear would’ve probably mauled him on sight otherwise.

He sat for a moment, just watching her breathe, fighting some internal demon. Very carefully, he placed the token in her open hand, which closed and retreated to her chest.

---

It was late and everyone was seeing to their evening routines when indecipherable elvish yelling grew louder in Eletha’s tent.

She emerged, a leather wallet in one hand, her face red with anger. Everyone was gathering, but she only had eyes for Astarion. Pointing an accusing finger at him, she yelled, “How dare you go through my things!”

Astarion chuckled nervously, holding up his hands in surrender. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, like anyone else has an interest in my journals? The place where I keep all my intimate thoughts and memories?” Eletha sneered, narrowing her eyes. Astarion went from nervous to confused.

“I didn’t take your journals,” he insisted, biting off the urge to call her ‘darling’ or ‘my dear’. He knew by now that it could upset her more just as much as it could make her melt. “And even if I did, it would only be to figure out what’s wrong with you so we can move on.”

“What’s wrong with me?!” Those closest to her tensed, preparing to stop her if she decided to settle this with a fight. Those closer to Astarion gravitated towards him, to get between them if anything went wrong.

Instead, Eletha undid the complicated tie of her wallet and dumped the contents out onto the ground. A seemingly endless flood of books, papers, and scrolls fell out. Giving it one last shake to make sure it was empty, Eletha dropped the wallet on the pile.

“They’re yours now. Have fun,” she growled at him before returning to her tent.

Those nearby rushed forward as a slight breeze caught the papers, threatening to blow them into the campfire. Everyone gathered to deal with the mess.

“Interesting. A bag of holding, but just for paper?” Gale pondered aloud as he inspected the leather wallet before setting it aside. Astarion snatched it up with a little glare. He was pretty sure he just got blamed for Gale’s sticky fingers and he wasn’t about to let the wizard take something Eletha just entrusted to him.

“She certainly needs it,” Shadowheart remarked, gathering some journals into a stack and setting them next to Gale, who immediately started organizing them.

“Wow, so many for this Lorelai person,” Karlach said after a while of picking up letters and putting them into a semi-neat pile.

“That’s her childhood name,” Gale explained, becoming excited by something he’d noticed. “Elves pick their own name when they reach one hundred years of age.”

“Oh.” Karlach went from confused, to understanding, to confused again. “Why are they all still sealed? Seems weird, keeping letters you didn’t even bother readin’.”

Gale was deaf to the question, reading the oldest of the journals. In a stilting manner, as he not only had to translate Elvish, but a child’s Elvish, he read aloud to himself loud enough for them to hear.

“Father said that I should keep a journal, so I can always remember what happened to me. Today isn’t my birthday, but another elf was born last week. Mother said they were worried I would get upset that I was no longer the youngest and wouldn’t get all the attention, so they gave me a gift. I don’t think the new baby wants the attention I get. All Father and Mother do is yell at me for not doing what they want, but I don’t understand what they want. Maybe Astarion will understand. But right now he is just a squishy ugly baby with BIG GOBLIN EARS. They are SO BIG. I hope he grows into them, like the hunting dogs’ puppies.”

On the other side of the page was a crude child’s drawing of what appeared to be a fat baby’s head with cherubic cheeks and some rudimentary curls. Attached to either side were massive elf ears. Surprised, Gale guffawed most uncharacteristically and turned the journal to show everyone. They all laughed, except Astarion, who grumbled in embarrassment.

“Mother says I have to take care of Astarion, it is my ‘role.’ All the Mothers tell me that I should prepare myself, even if it might never happen. Having to take care of him makes me feel gross. The way the Mothers talk about babies makes me feel grosser. I tried taking him away from them, so they’d stop making me feel bad and wouldn’t make him feel bad either, but they yelled at me and made me sit in the rocks again. It’s not Star’s fault. He’s just a baby. One day he’ll be my age, will he feel like this too? All the other children are so much older than me, they treat me like a baby too. I feel like I’ve grown up a lot in a year. I have to grow up just enough to protect Star but still be his friend.”

“Oh, that’s heartbreakin’…” Karlach breathed, holding her breath as she listened. The others were listening, reacting in their own little ways. Lae’zel was still cleaning up the mess. Shadowheart knelt, appearing as if in prayer. Wyll took special interest in each thing he picked up so he could put it in the appropriate pile. Halsin listened with compassionate sadness, while Astarion sat like a statue, frozen in place.

Gale skipped ahead, his wizard’s mind able to quickly read and catalog the information, especially as the Elvish got better. Something made him smile. “Astarion keeps stealing my socks. Why socks? At least they’re clean socks. A lot of stuff keeps going missing and showing up somewhere else and I think it’s him. A lot of them let Astarion into their caravan for no reason and let him do what he pleases, but I’ve seen him sneak into our caravan before to steal my socks. Whenever I catch him, he sticks them on his ears and says ‘I can’t hear you! I have feet for ears!”

Everyone but Astarion laughed once more.

“That’s so strange… It looks like she wrote or drew something every day, but there’s a whole year missing. The pages are ripped out.” Shadowheart pointed out, having flipped through a few of the journals herself. “She said Astarion left when she was 35, so the year after is missing.”

Everyone was making comments about him, but Astarion was deaf as he picked out a bundle of papers from the pile. One edge of them was jagged. He undid the piece of string holding them together and unfolded them.

“Lorelai will behave. Lorelai will eat. Will drink. Rest. Do as she is told. Stay. Not bite off her tongue. Not use the fire. Not practice the sword or the bow or with hands. She will not talk back, she will not scream or raise her voice. She will speak only when spoken to and always be polite. She will not interact with outsiders. She must always be accompanied. Always be clean. Lorelai will be a good girl. Lorelai will apologize for what she’s done. I am a good girl. I promise to be good. I am sorry for what I’ve done.”

The torn pages lined up with those tears in the journal. The first page after was a depiction of a black circle. Taking the journal from Astarion, Gale pointed at the picture. “I’ve seen that. In her head. ‘Something old, something bad. Evil, mean old Lorelai.’”

Gale flipped past some more drawings and lists of typical adventurer things like how many supplies she had and where she was going. Then it went back to a sane depiction of a journal.

“I am not a good girl. I will not do as I’m told. I will not behave. I will eat and drink to spite them. I will bite my tongue when it suits me, when its sharpness cannot aid me. I will speak loud and clear when I please. I will be alone. I will not apologize. I am not sorry for what I’ve done, my only regret is that I let them control me. I won’t let anyone control me ever again.

“I am never coming back. I will never forgive these transgressions against me. I will not forget them, but I will bury them, in a hole deep and dark and bottomless inside me. The hole they made in me, where my heart and family should be.

“I don’t believe that Astarion left in order to leave me behind. He loves to chase and be chased. But I will always wonder, if that was true, why didn’t he turn back to find me? Maybe they were right. I will grant them this small token of grace. Maybe I was abandoned, as I abandon in kind.

“I am far from my 100th year, but I shake off the yoke of my name. Everyone I meet will know me as Eletha, a name Astarion always liked, and I will fashion myself a Nighstar. Who will ever know it’s not true? I might not ever be important, these might be the only words ever written about me, but when I speak this name, I will know that I am more than what I was meant to be.”

“I can’t tell if that’s sad or brave…” Wyll whispered to himself.

“What’s… E… Sum? Hey, I’m getting pretty good at this Elvish thing!” Karlach said excitedly, holding up a letter she’d been inspecting. Gale, Shadowheart, Halsin, and Astarion went blank-faced.

“It says, ‘To my Son’,” Halsin explained gently and quietly, so Eletha couldn’t overhear them.

“I do not understand. As in a male child?” Lae’zel asked.

“Yes, Lae’zel. And seeing as Eletha is a female child…”

Shadowheart laughed nervously, pinching Halsin’s arm to get him to shut up. “Maybe it’s for Astarion! And she just… forgot about it.”

“As nice as that seems…” Gale started darkly, holding Eletha’s journal with the pages ripped out, “With the knowledge I have, of all the theories I’ve considered, and the fact that I can recognize Eletha’s hand, it is most likely that this is to her son…”

Everyone sat in stunned silence for a moment. Then Karlach looked at Astarion and offered him a strained smile. “Congratulations?”

“That paper seems awfully old. And it looks like it was never sealed,” Wyll pointed out, taking the letter from Karlach. “She never sent this. Why keep it? I guess it’s like the others. Felt too guilty to burn it? Thrown in the bag and forgotten?”

“We shouldn’t read that, right? Even dictating every event of her life for over 260 years is less personal than that,” Shadowheart insisted warily, carefully taking the letter from Wyll and handing it to Gale.

“It is, however, the center of the problem,” Gale explained firmly. “If anyone is to read it, it should be Astarion.”

“Why should I read it?!” he yelled out, his voice cracking. Some of them leaned away nervously. “Don’t look at me like I’m crazy! This is crazy! This is insane! And not the least bit funny.”

“It is okay to be upset,” Halsin told him gently.

“Of course it’s okay! This is very upsetting! I’m sure for someone like you, this would come as no surprise! Almost two months ago, I was just a vampire spawn hunting for my master. I’ve had an old lover show up who wants to play mindgames, go insane, and now this?!”

“I don’t think it’s mindgames, bud,” Karlach said, going through a journal that appeared to be in Common instead of Elvish, although sometimes the script slipped and she had trouble reading it. “Look. 50 years ago. She met an elf on the road, they hit it off, they try to give it a go, she has a lot of nasty feelings after. Talks about this black pit, yeah? And it gets all hard to read. Then she says someone named Mellia found her and took care of her until she got better.”

“Mmm, sounds much like now. She’s spiraling,” Shadowheart said, taking the journal and reading the same bit like they were in some book club with only once copy.

“Down, down, down, spiraling down. Cracked like an egg, to hatch or to eat? The dry leaves sound lovely under our feet,” Gale repeated in a hollow sing-song voice, stroking his beard in thought.

“That’s right fucked.” Some murmured in agreement. Karlach looked at them all, hoping for an answer. “So what do we do? Hide all the booze? Make her stay awake?”

“Honestly, she was fighting harder before this little… break,” Wyll remarked. “I’d be happy if we could get back to that.”

“Eletha has been avoiding this since the beginning. This is an invitation as much as it is an explanation. She needs to say these words herself, so she might share the burden,” Halsin explained with the dispassion of a healer trying to be taken seriously at the expense of compassion.

“I didn't want to go to that hag, but Wyll was right. Damn those foolish boys and their foolish sister. People go to hags for a reason. They want something and there is payment. They are desperate and stupid and they don't understand that. I left Ethel and Mayrina alone because the girl made her choice. My parents, Astarion’s parents, the whole clan, they took my choice away from me.

“I can still hear that hag’s mockery in my head. ‘A dead dog is a better mother than you. Just as selfish and stupid as this girl. You should be ashamed of yourself, trying to smother a babe before it’s even born.’

“She’s wrong. I made the right choice, to walk away. He didn't deserve a mother like me. No child does.

“If Mellia turned me, could she make me forget, like Astarion? Could Aluin just say some words, wiggle his fingers, or brew me a potion? Maybe this adventure will be my last and it’ll be some other elf’s problem in a hundred years. I’m sorry for haunting your reveries, my next life.

“I’m sorry, everyone. I wanted to protect you, to be strong for you. I wanted to be a shield against the cruelty of the world, but I’m afraid my steel is brittle and my wood rotten. I can’t be your mother any more than I could be his.”

“The rest is… scribbles,” Gale explained in saddened resignation, flipping past indecipherable text and grotesque attempts at artistry.

“Maybe we should put these away,” Halsin said, taking the pouch from Astarion and carefully putting journals in one by one. The others made tidy piles in front of them and passed the pouch around, until Gale was handing it back to Astarion.

“She did say that they were yours now,” he explained when Astarion started to push it away. “Although. A bag of holding just for texts? I would gladly take it off your hands.”

“No, you can’t eat this one,” Astarion growled, putting his body in between the bag and Gale. Gale chuckled and smiled, easing the tension around the camp.

Astarion sat in his tent, alone, staring at the things in his lap. One was the wallet, and on top of it, the well-worn letter. He fingered its edge in agitation. A little tear formed and he panicked. Very carefully, he set it aside and opened the wallet once more. He placed the letters into little piles. Letters addressed to Lorelai, unopened. Letters addressed to Eletha, in smaller piles by sender. There were quite a few from people named ‘Mellia, Your Sanguine Companion’, ‘Aluin of Suzail’, ‘Tyrlumin, Your Melodic Cha’, and ‘Bromthrum Starkhammer, Provider of Fine Crafts.’ There were miscellaneous letters, some very old, from people thanking her for heroic deeds or just simple acts of kindness. There was even one thanking her for the exceptional quality of a set of mink pelts she provided that went into making a coat for some king Astarion never heard of.

He read them, because he couldn’t help himself. She seemed very close with her humanoid companions, which probably explained why she had so many letters.

Mellia, mysterious and charming, her oldest and possibly closest friend. They met when a pack of gnolls were terrorizing some little farming town. They banded together to slaughter every one. Eletha was just passing by, Mellia was a vampire and had an accord with one of the village leaders. It made his blood boil, he couldn’t think of a higher vampire and not see Cazador, but her letters were so… sweet. Not fake sweet. She would recount some event or vista that made her think of Eletha and their adventures. It was hard to imagine a vampire soaking with an elf in a hot spring up in some monster-infested mountains, but they apparently had 50 years ago. ‘I am glad that I could keep you away from the edge once more, my lovely friend. Maybe it is time you venture to Baldur’s Gate? I will gladly join you, and I know that you have other friends that would answer the call.’ A band of hardened adventurers, showing up at Cazador’s palace, demanding he relinquish his favorite spawn? A story for the ages…

Aluin the human mage, whose words read nothing like Gale’s. Even as he grew older, his boyish exuberance could still be heard in his retellings of discoveries and mishaps. She lost her eye protecting him from a warg and guided him back to Suzail. To return the favor, he offered her a magic eye. It allowed her to peer into memories of places, things, and people, to see them as they once were. Aluin wanted her to take him on many adventures and he always thanked her from the bottom of his heart for every scrap of artifact she sent to him from her travels. There was a subtle love in his words.

Tyrlumin, a half-elf bard, whose age she could not discern. He often talked to her like she was a child, but had his own childish penchant for getting into trouble. They met on the road, nothing special, but they were drawn to one another. It seemed he used her for inspiration in some of his songs. He would run into her, seemingly not by accident, and they would travel together until he would disappear in the night, leaving behind a note. It was often a dirty limerick.

Finally, Bromthrum, a purveyor of high-quality dwarven goods, trading to princes, wizards, and thieves alike. She came to his aid upon the road as he was waylaid by bandits. They shared a fondness for drink and smoke. He sounded enamored by her elven beauty and the artistry she employed in battle. She seemed drawn to his complete lack of similarities to elves. He gave her steep discounts on goods and she protected his caravan when she was around.

Astarion didn’t touch the sealed letters. Maybe he had some sense of propriety. They were all so old… It seemed they stopped only 50 years after she left the Dales.

Then there were two. For their E’Sum. For Astarion Ancunin, Baldur’s Gate.

This, too, was old, but not as old as some. Likely, this letter would have never reached him. The furthest it might have gotten was to Cazador, and then what jealous hellfire would his master have rained upon him for receiving a letter from a long-lost lover?

It was meant for him. That meant he could read it, no? It found him, after all these years.

Astarion snuck into Gale’s tent.

“Can I help you?” Gale grumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“I need you to read this,” Astarion insisted, shoving the letter at him. Gale moved away, offended as Astarion pressed the piece of parchment into his chest.

“I think you're capable of reading.”

“I can't do it.”

“Then don't read it.”

“But it's for me.”

“Then I shouldn't be reading it.”

“Dammit Gale, can you just do this for me?” Astarion hissed. “Can you stop being an emotionless pompous arse for one minute?”

“I'm not emotionless, I’m exhausted. That wasn’t exactly easy on me, either. I didn’t even tell you some of the horrible things in those journals,” Gale explained, but took the letter anyway. A little hurt he said, “Is that how you see me?”

“Gale, I need the attention now, or I'm going to start stabbing people.”

“How is that different from usual?” Gale muttered as he opened the letter. “Dear Astarion, stop being dramatic and let Gale sleep.”

“You’re aware of how much of an ass you are, yes?”

“My Star,” Gale started, ignoring him. He actually put a little emotion into it. Astarion listened intently. “Aluin says that writing letters is healing, that ordering our thoughts to communicate them helps us understand ourselves as much as it helps others understand us. I’m not as good with words as Mellia or Lumin. I guess you don't know any of these people. They are friends I've made along the way and if we meet again, I want you to meet them. They’ve helped me a lot, taught me that I deserve to be loved and helped. I don’t always believe them, but it is what it is. Do you remember Heilar saything that all the time, when you’d tell him I beat you unfairly during sword practice? I wonder if I still can.

“I spent a long time hating you, but I always loved you. I never wished ill on you, even when I hated you the most. I always wondered what I did to make you leave me behind. I always wondered if you thought I'd follow. I wanted to, but our parents bade me stay. Then they made me stay.

What is it like, in Baldur’s Gate? I always wanted to go to Waterdeep instead.” Gale's eyes lit up suddenly and he opened his mouth to make some quip, but when he looked up, Astarion was the picture of anxiety, biting his lip, knees to his chest, fear in his eyes.

“It took me a long time to accept responsibility for what happened. I would always say to myself that you left a mess behind, you did this to me, that it was all your fault. It was best that you left, because if you'd stayed, I don't want to imagine what you would have done. Would you take their side, or defend me tooth and nail? I couldn't bear it if you were just another person I couldn't forgive. But I wouldn’t want our family’s blood on your hands either.

“I don't know his name. I left as soon as I could. I'm sorry that I can't tell you anything about him. I would think that your parents would try to write you, but maybe they think it meant nothing to you. They try to write me, but I can't read them. I don't want to read them, but I can't destroy them.

“No matter how many friends I make, how many people I help, I will always know that I am a callous monster. Despite how rare it is, despite what it would mean for our families and our people, I didn't want to keep the thing you left behind in me. Knowing it was there filled me with a sickness that went beyond any story the Mothers told me. I was no longer myself, I was just a vessel. I found myself repulsive. I tried to find some way to be rid of it, but our mothers caught me.

“At first they aimed to tame me with guilt and shame. They told me I was irresponsible, cowardly, a disgrace, for trying to throw away this blessing that felt to me like a curse, a punishment. There were only hard eyes and sharp words for me. I became desperate and tried my own ways of removing my curse. When they denied me that, I tried to bite through my own tongue to spare myself the pain of my burden and it the pain of having me for a mother.

“They took turns, holding me with their magic, giving me no choice but to do what they deemed right. I looked out of my eyes on a world that became hostile and full of villains, faces made of cruelty. The body that moved was not my own, but I still felt that awful feeling in my heart, felt trapped in my own skin just as much as in their power.

“I'm not sorry that I left, so why do I feel guilty? Broken? I'm not sorry for being broken. Was this soul always broken, throughout its many lives?

“I made a deal with a fey. In exchange for never bearing children again, I am cursed to burn by the emptiness of the new moon. It hurt, at first, but not as much as that year hurt. The fey thought me mad for requesting such a simple silly thing and not real power. Maybe I am. You have to be pretty mad to make a fey question your request.

“I’m sorry. I love you. I forgive you. I don't expect you to forgive me. I hope you can still love me, as unlovable as I am.

“Ever yours- Lori”

At some point, Astarion had placed his head in Gale’s lap. So caught up in the letter, Gale didn't notice. Now that he was done, he freed up a hand to pat Astarion’s head. “Can I go back to sleep now?”

“No.”

“Okay,” Gale whispered tiredly, still stroking Astarion’s hair. “It’s going to be okay. Tomorrow is another day.”

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namjinreads · 2 months

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READ ON AO3

#author: btswritesx #length: 11 to 25k words #rating: mature #au: students #strangers to lovers #mild/implied smut #angst with a happy ending #tw: flashbacks to past domestic abuse #namjin #namjin au

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nessiesspeakeasy · 3 months

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Pact Full of Love (Part 1)

Odette is at her wit's end and the end of her rope with being a single parent of three. The only thing left to do is crawl back to her abusive ex… Or summon a demon.

Rated Mature (for later chapters), Female/Female, Demon female/ human female, contracts, soul selling, single mom, three kids, past abusive relationship, abusive ex husband, slow burn probably.

Submitted for Pride Month. You can read this on my AO3.

Her children were finally in bed, though Odette’s mind wandered to Luka, who had been extra fussy after dinner. She bit her lip and continued. She had far surpassed desperation weeks ago. Now she was willing to try anything, especially once the intrusive thoughts of going back to her ex had silently peaked into her mind. It had horrified her so much that she sought help with a very dark magic. She’d found a summoning spell with enough research, though it had taken a long time since, along with her three children, she was the owner of a bakery and free time was not something she had.

With all the kids finally asleep and all ingredients acquired, she was finally free to begin the spell. It was complicated, but by the end, it looked exactly the same as the picture. As long as the picture was accurate, the summoning would work that she’d set up in her walk-in closet. It was large enough and she could lock the door. It was mostly empty since her ex had demanded most of the space for his work suits. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes tightly as she pressed the dollar value knife she’d bought just for this. She wasn’t going to use a knife she used to cut food up for her kids.

As the drops of blood hit the chalk outline, the lights switched off, leaving everything in darkness. She stumbled backward, startled. Seconds later, she felt the whoosh! of air on her face, as though something had tried to grab her, but had missed. She clapped her hand over her mouth so she didn’t gasp too loudly.

Deep red and purple light illuminated a being ten feet taller than her, warping the size of the closet. She could see the outline of muscles, scrawled writing along the body, horns that twisted around the head and large breasts. The demon’s four eyes glowed white. “Why have you summoned me?” Her voice echoed inside Odette’s head.

She swallowed and tried to speak.

“Mom!?”

Odette gasped. “I’ll be right back.” She felt for the closet door and opened it just enough for her to slip out. Her oldest, Haisley, was waiting for her.

She frowned. “Why were you in there?”

“Don’t worry about it sweetheart, what do you need?”

“I can’t sleep.”

She sighed. “Right, well-”

“Mom?” Her middle child was at the doorway. “Luka threw up.”

Odette sighed. “Right.”

It was almost two hours later when all her kids were finally asleep again. She was wiped, numb, and bitter. She really needed help.

She let out a loud groan when she remembered the demon in her closet. She couldn’t even believe that was a thought she was having. Slowly, she left the bed and went to the door. As she slipped back in, there was no darkness and no imposing figure. The lights were on and the large female demon was sitting in the circle and looking at all of Odette’s clothes. There wasn’t much there since ninety percent were in laundry limbo and she’d purged it of all the items her ex had demanded she wear. It all made the closet look even more empty.

“I’m so sorry!” She smiled apologetically.

The demon’s voice was monotone and lacking any emotion. “I have never been kept waiting that long once I have been summoned.” She looked at Odette, her white, glowing eyes looking over her very slowly and very openly.

Odette fidgeted, the scrutiny too much.

“I would consider it an apology if you wore this, though.” She pointed to her most skimpy lingerie.

Odette’s cheeks turned hot and she stammered. “I’m- I’m not here for- for sex…”

The demon looked even more bored. “Pity, you would look sexy all messed up under me. You are hiding a gorgeous body.”

She adjusted her shirt in response to keep it perfectly placed. “Ah- anyway…”

The demon sighed. “What is the pact you wanted to make, then?”

It felt too hard now to say. Her throat was thick as she said the words. “It’s not a fancy pact… I just need help… With my children.”

The demon’s brow quirked. “You want to get rid of them?”

“What!? Of course not! I need help… Raising them…”

All four eyes scrutinized Oddette even more. “You summoned a demon to be a nanny?”

“I’m sorry it’s not glamorous. I just…” She took a deep breath. “I don’t need help for that long, so you won’t be miserable forever. I just need to get caught up and in a place where I don’t need help.”

She stared at Odette. “Children are not my forte.”

“I’m sorry, it should only be six months. You don’t have to like them or care about them, I just need you to be nice to them and care for them a few hours every day. That will free me up to catch up around the house.”

The demon stared at her. “You are actually serious.” There was a pause as her monotonous voice changed, sounding slightly more intrigued. “You are so desperate, you want to make a pact with a demon just to have a babysitter?”

She hesitated, gathering herself. “Listen… You’re only going to be here for six months, it won’t matter what my reasons are… It just needs to get done.”

The demon’s brow rose. “How practical. Most humans have more romantic expectations.”

Odette scoffed, the bitterness slipping out. “Romance is dead. Will you accept the pact?”

She stared at Odette for a long time. “We have not drawn up a contract.”

“I meant is the offer something you want to do? If it is, we’ll draw up a contract.”

“That is not how it works.”

That made her frown. “Why not? I can just send you back, right? If you don’t want to do it, I won’t force you. I can find someone else.”

That stare was pointed at her again. “Interesting. You know the price is always the same, no matter the request?”

Odette nodded. “I figured. That’s why I’d ask for it to be paid after my youngest is an adult.”

“You’re asking for an exchange of six months for your soul? That doesn’t seem too bright.”

“I could ask you to stay for a year? Would that make it more appropriate?”

To that, the demon laughed. It was sultry and mocking. “It would be appropriate if I stayed with you the whole time until our contract ended.”

“Oh… But you don’t like children. That seems like torture. I couldn’t ask you to do that. Six months is fine.”

She stared at Odette for a long time before speaking. “I will take your offer.”

Odette’s eyes widened. “You will?”

“Yes, but it is late and you look too tired to draw up a contract. I will do it and we can discuss it tomorrow.”

“Are you sure? Thank you for being so patient. Do you want to leave and I can summon you again?”

“I will wait here. Go sleep.”

Odette frowned. “Are you sure?”

“I would not have said it if I did not mean it. Go.”

Nodding, Odette left. She fell on her bed and sighed heavily at the time. It was past one-thirty in the morning. She’d be up in only four hours. Tears of frustration fell from her eyes and she cried quietly so the demon wouldn’t hear.

~~~~~

The demon was sitting in the circle when Odette met her after getting her kids breakfast. She was hoping she'd be able to find something in there that she could wear. It was a repetitive habit that always yielded the same, barren results.

The demon stared at her in such an intense way, Odette felt naked. She moved past the demon and pretended to occupy her time with sorting through the five shirts she had left.

“You cried.”

Damn. She shrugged and focused on her task. “I’m human?” It was a minimal-effort answer.

The demon was quiet.

“What’s your name?” Odette asked. “I realized I totally forgot to ask and that was really rude of me.”

“You were exhausted. Is that why you cried?”

She sighed. “Among other things, yes.” She turned her attention back to her clothes. She only had button down shirts which she never wore anymore. Her body had gotten too soft and her curves had changed too much for them to fit properly now.

“I think you would look nice in one of those.” The demon assessed correctly, pointing to a rich, green one.

Odette scoffed. “They don’t sit right anymore, they pop open across my chest and now my stomach. I haven’t been able to get rid of all the weight I gained from the kids.” It was one of the things her husband had said had made her unattractive. Along with how she’d stopped dressing fashionably.

She picked her largest one.

“It seems you need new shirts, then.”

She shrugged. “Yeah, but I have no time and I could never justify the cost when the kids need things.”

“You have needs, too.”

She waved the comment away. “That’s what the years after they’re grown are for.” She laughed then, glancing at the demon. “Well, what they were supposed to be for.”

“Why did you not get a nanny or a babysitter?”

The question made her hesitate. She didn’t know what to divulge and what to withhold, so she went for the vague truth. “None were available.”

The demon stared. “I see.”

Somehow, it felt like she knew Odette was lying. She smiled apologetically. “I have to get my oldest off to school, but when I get back we can do the contract.”

“I doubt it.”

Odette blinked. “What?”

“I will wait until you get back, but if you start to get busy, we will need to do something temporarily until we can get the contract fully fleshed out.”

“Oh, alright.”

She felt wiped after dropping Haisley off at school. She set Luka in his bouncer and turned on cartoons for Walter. She knew he would ignore them and go outside, but she set down a snack for him. She poured herself some coffee and went to her closet, sitting on the floor against the door, so Walter wouldn’t just walk in. The buttons were tight across her stomach, but didn’t look too noticeable since she’d found a tank-top to go underneath it. She’d left the top ones undone, not even wanting to stress about it.

The demon raised an eyebrow. “Contracts can take a while.”

“I have an hour at best.” She sipped her coffee. “I did make a list of things before I summoned you. Whoever I summoned is not allowed to harm my kids or let harm come to them if possible. Basically can’t manipulate or let something or someone else harm them. Accidents happen, so I get it, but there can’t be any malicious intent behind it from the demon.”

“We will work on the wording, but I understand your intent.”

“The main job would be to care for them, feed them, get them to sleep, take them on outings every once in a while. Don’t be rude or mean to them…”

“No baths?”

“Oh… I figured you wouldn’t want to do that.”

“It is part of caring for them, it will be part of the tasks.”

“Okay…” She looked through her notes. “That’s… Really about it… Just take care of them for a selected amount of time each day.”

The demon frowned. “How many hours a day?”

A heavy sigh left her before she could stop it. “I’d just be happy with four hours.”

“Four hours a day for six months in exchange for your soul.”

Odette paused, guilt coursing through her. “Is that too much? I could get by with three hours for four months-”

The demon put her hand up. “No. I will not accept less than five years and I will live in your home for that amount of time and do my duties the whole time.”

She felt her throat tighten as tears stung her eyes. She swallowed and took a calming breath before shaking her head. “I couldn’t ask that of you.”

She looked pointedly at Odette. “You are giving me your soul. You should be asking me to keep your house spotless and give you all the pleasures. I know I would like that last part.”

Her cheeks heated. “But it’s my house and my things, you shouldn’t be forced to clean my mess!”

For the first time, the demon had emotion behind her words. She sounded frustrated even though her speech was still precise. “This contract is backwards. I should not be encouraging you to use me more.”

“I’m sorry,” Odette sighed, deflating. “I did this because I wasn’t liking who I was becoming with my children with zero help or breaks or sleep. I don’t want my kids to remember me as angry and having meltdowns every other day. The constant grind just got to me and you were my only option.”

The demon stared for a long while and then nodded. “It is settled, then. I will not take anything less than eighteen years. I will live here and my job will be to take care of the household and its occupants the whole day, every day.”

Odette’s eyes widened. She wanted to protest, but the demon glared at her, warning her from doing so. Her insides screamed, but she stayed silent. She could not imagine the demon being stuck with her for all that time. She nodded.

The demon nodded back. “I will draw up a contract and make a clause that we can adjust it as needed, but only if both parties consent willingly.” Her eyes flashed back to Odette. “And I will never agree to shortening the time.”

And with that, Odette left to put Luka down for a nap and do a load of dishes. She stared at the house, at how everything had piled up, every dish was dirty, all the laundry was in piles on the dining table and couch and all those toys… Just thrown everywhere. She hid her face in her hands and groaned. It had all gotten so out of control. She was embarrassed at the thought of someone seeing it, but the only way she’d fix it all, would be to get help.

She returned when both kids were napping. The contract was handed to her. The part about bringing harm to her kids was extremely specific, as was taking care of them and when she was at work. It was agreed that she’d stay until the last child moved out, with a stipulation that they could change the contract if they both agreed they needed to.

Odette nodded. “Looks good to me.” She didn’t see any loopholes to get out of what was most important. It was signed. The moment the last person signed it, the circle disappeared. The demon woman stood, towering over her.

Odette was caught by her fierce beauty. The sharp angles, the horns that twisted outward, how all four eyes looked at her with a dark hunger. How confident and sure she stood and moved. The demon stared at her and smirked. It was dangerous and predatory and made her breathless. Slowly, the demon’s form began to change, shorter and shorter. Her horns disappeared and so did a set of eyes. Her dark purple complexion faded to a rich brown, though her hair remained curled an inch from her head. She was still taller than Odette by at least a foot. She leaned against the door, caging Odette in, arms flexing to show incredible muscle.

Flat against the door, her cheeks burned, eyes wide, utterly surprised by how affected she was by all of this.

The demon grinned knowingly. “You can call me Kamilla.”

#rated mature #rating might change depending #female demon/ female human #slow burn #maybe #contracts #soul selling #single mom #abusive ex husband #talk about domestic violence #talk of past abuse #monsters #demons #fluff #domestic fluff #pride month #pride 2024

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druidgroves · 7 months

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ok i think i've come to a decision. i won't. do a whole rewrite of blp bc that was a stupid idea. but i will probably rewrite/make edits to chapter 2. i like chapter 2 but i feel like it could be better. and then i think that will fix me bc it's rlly stuff in georgia's chapters that i want to change up so that future chapters from her pov make sense & align with her character.

#rae.txt #full transparency: didn't decide until halfway through writing the fic that nate was going to be Worse than originally planned #bc tbh i was kinda scared to write anything pertaining to abuse/domestic violence on the off chance i upset someone #but now i've decided that im just gonna go ahead & write anyways bc i've had experience w/ both in my past #it wont get super graphic but im just not gonna shy away from the topic anymore ig. news alert nathan tate sucks ass.#i feel like this whole ordeal over rewrite vs don't rewrite is me being very dramatic lol when i am rlly just incredibly indecisive

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diddle-riddle · 2 years

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New Year’s Resolutions from the Rogues Gallery - 2

II / Jonathan Crane - Scarecrow

1 - Get Edward back. He is lying to himself by trying to be a detective who works with Batman and the police. 2 - Catch up with Harley, it’s been a while. 3 - Get Edward back. I heard he teams-up with Batgirl and Red Hood very often, but I can say it’s nothing compared to the bright duo we used to be. 4 - Fill my daughter’s bank account, I’m sure I can afford it this year. 5 - Get Edward back. Eventually apologize to him if necessary, that should be enough to convince him to return by my side. Where he belongs. 6 - Lurk less often by Becky’s house, or she might spot me. 7 - Get Edward back. I cannot tolerate the idea of Bruce Wayne touching, kissing and holding him. Eddie is mine, no one else is allowed to get to him. 8 - Find a companion for my pet crow Nightmare. 9 - Get Edward BACK!

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kkoct-ik · 9 months

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i can def relate to having an abusive mother, the worst part is that people always assume mothers to be good people. thankfully my dad and mother don't live together so i chose to stay with my dad permanently but my dad's girlfriend is constantly talking about how i should make up with my mother because "you only get one mom" and she completely ignores me when i try to talk about how abusive my mother was

yeah. ugh. sorry about your situation anon. it sucks and im sending sympathies

#ask #i just dunno what to do with myself #as if complex trauma isnt enough im now dealing with a lot of complicated situations regarding what to do now #i dont live there anymore. but my siblings do. hi guys i have 4 younger siblings #and me as much as everybody else just wishes there was a nice family to help us develop stable and normal #so im doing my damn best. im trying to stay in contact with the kids. im hoping they have a better support system than i did #but family policy means the teens get no texting privacy no internet time. so as if i can fucking stay in touch and look out for them anywa #i dont think i can do anything. it feels inevitable that every kid is gonna get completely fractured like me #and the only other alternative risks making it worse and uncomfortable when its none of my business anymore #(taking up my therapist on calling cps. lol)#i cant talk about it with my siblings (no real access to them) and it makes me insane #i cant talk to my dad because he has enough shit and i dont want to drive the family to pieces #i cant talk to my mum because she has a habit of abusing the kids and then telling them its because *I* made her mad; blame me #what am i meant to do #as if the past isnt a lot to process right now. im also dealing with the present that this is probably ongoing and theres fuck all i can do #sorry for venting. im in hell. im trying to be normal and failing spectacularly #abuse #domestic abuse #for cw #i wish i didnt have to worry. i wish this was never a problem in the first place

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inorganicone2230 · 2 years

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Purity (Finale Part 1 of 2) Yandere!Overhaul x Fem!Reader

Part 28 & Finale Part 2 of 2

Side Note: I do NOT and never will condone the actions committed in this and future chapters, please be mindful and respectful of the fact that all of this is purely fiction.

5 Years Later

Looking down at his phone to check the time, Kai nearly groaned when he saw that it was already well past 6pm and they were still nowhere near ready to see this latest deal closed.

They had been debating these negotiations with this new group for the last three hours and despite Kai and the Hassaikai’s incredibly generous offer, they still hadn’t found a mutually agreeable price or terms to settle on.

“Look,” The head of the group said, clearly annoyed that they weren’t giving into their, quite frankly, ridiculous demands. “I just don’t see what the big deal is; all we’re asking is for an undiluted sample of the product to see how it will respond to someone under the effects of a stronger form of trigger.”

“The problem is that it’s a risk and a liability that we’re not willing to take.” Hari said for the umpteenth time through gritted teeth. “It’s been nearly five years since we completed our finished product, and in that time, we haven’t seen a single successful copycat drug hit the streets, so as I’m sure you can imagine, it’s a record we’d like to see keep going for as long as possible.”

One of the men across the table, an enforcer with a temper worse than Mimic’s, slammed his fist on the table in outrage.

“Are you uptight assholes trying to accuse us of wanting to double-cross you?!”

Kai rolled his eyes at the pathetic display before speaking up himself.

“I believe what my second in command is trying to say is that it’s a risk we’re just not willing to take for anyone.” He tapped a gloved hand on the paperwork in front of him. “You’re not the first buyers to ask us for such concessions, and we’ve turned them all down, even groups that we’ve had good standing with for generations, so no, we’re not about to break that stance for a gang that’s only just barely made a mediocre name for themselves.” His golden eyes flashed bright, promising pain and torment for anyone who thought it a smart idea to question him and the man who opened his mouth to respond to the insult, wisely shut it. “So, you can either take what we have so kindly offered you, with a small discount as a show of our immense generosity, or you can leave this room and consider yourselves permanently blacklisted from our dealings and future negotiations.”

The men across from him all sneered with outright contempt.

“And here I thought the infamous Overhaul was supposed to be a tyrant without mercy, a monster disguised as a man.” The leader said, giving him a once-over that clearly said he wasn’t all that impressed. “Seems to me that all those stories are nothing but baseless rumors.”

“Is that so?” Kai asked, rather absentmindedly, and as if in answer, his glove, along with the stack of papers underneath his hand quickly became particles floating through the air. “Should you continue with this disrespectful posturing, I can just as easily do the same to your bodies and you can leave this room, and the world of the living, through the drains in the floor.”

The men opposite him and Hari suddenly looked far less confident and Kai’s blood thrummed with the promise of potential violence. He didn’t relish the mess that would inevitably follow, but after last night, he needed something to take the fucking edge off, and wiping these vermin permanently out of existence seemed a good enough choice.

In the five years since the birth of his and your son, Kazue, there had been a great deal of changes brought about by the boundaries he’d set for you and himself to follow. Most of the changes were in regards to his relationship with you and the children, and it most definitely took some getting used to it all in the beginning, especially during that first year.

Touching you had been like second nature to him by that point and there were so many times where he had caught himself reaching for you and had to physically leave the room for fear of breaking his promise to you. He was a man of conviction after all, and he prided himself on his sense of self control, but not being able to hold you in his arms or feel your lips and body against his own was pure torture for him. He’d gone so long despising even the thought of physical contact with others, but once he got a taste of it with you, he became addicted.

That’s why he tried so hard to stay as far away from you as possible in those early days, spending as much time around you as he used to proved to be too much of a temptation for him and he was determined to prove to you that he could be a man of his word.

One of the first changes he had tried to make in the beginning had been in offering to find another place for himself to sleep, especially once he moved you all up into the house above the tunnels, a suggestion you had, very surprisingly, turned down. Sadly though, he didn’t need to be informed that it wasn’t because you would have missed his presence beside you at night, but because you didn’t want to worry Eri by letting her believe there was animosity between the two of you. You would continue to share his bed in a strictly platonic manner and keep up the guise of being cordial with him, if only for the sake of the children and their stability. But beyond that, and raising the children together, you did much of everything without him back then.

Along with the loss of his intimacy with you, he ceased doing quite a lot with you during that time period; picking out your clothes for the day, bathing with you, making idle conversation with you, even just spending quality time with you in the same room, all of it came to a sudden halt. None of it was out of maliciousness on his part of course, it was just easier to stay away until he could get a grasp on his self control. A task that proved itself to be one of the most difficult of his young life.

And that’s roughly how the first two years had progressed.

You spent time with him, usually only when the children were involved, and life dragged on accordingly. And over time, he ever so slowly began to lose hope that anything would change the horrible circumstances of his own careless actions.

Until one event that set in motion a ripple effect, one that went on to ever so slowly alter the last three years, enough to restore that small ember of hope he’d been holding onto.

—————

It was late, nearly three in the morning, by the time he slowly and quietly made his way through the halls of the ‘family residence’ and into the bedroom, silently praying that you and the children were already asleep and that he wouldn’t accidentally wake any of you up and have to explain his haggard appearance. Getting to spend time with you and his babies was usually the best part of his day, but not tonight. It had already been such an agonizingly long and hard day, one of the most difficult of his life, and he just didn’t have the drive or the energy to deal with anything else.

Unfortunately though, those prayers went unanswered as he quietly opened the door to find you still awake and sitting up in bed with a book in hand.

You looked up, your beautiful face as impassive as ever, and if you were at all surprised or concerned by his less than normal countenance, then you certainly didn’t show it, and he was far too tired and drained by that point to feel hurt by the minor snub.

“What are you still doing up?” He asked quietly, more out of habit than actual interest, as he trudged over to his dresser to pull out a clean pair of boxers and sleeping pants.

Since anything and everything sexual was now off the table for the two of you, he had conceded and begrudgingly, but understandably, started wearing some kind of sleepwear to bed. He found it uncomfortable most nights, as he was so accustomed to sleeping in the nude, but he found that as long as he was wearing something that at least left his lower body covered, like a simple pair of boxers, you didn’t feel the need to voice any complaints about it. Although, when this arrangement had first started, he was smugly pleased to see that you were just as uncomfortable as he was when it came to wearing clothing to bed. In the beginning you tried to wear the most unflattering pajama sets to bed in an effort to hide your body from him, but those attempts had lasted all of three months before you broke down and just started wearing the least revealing nightgowns and other sleepwear he’d previously purchased for you to bed at night. It certainly wasn’t something he was ever going to mention for fear of losing the stunning visuals they provided him with, and definitely not now that he was forced to take his pleasure into own hands… quite literally these days.

Under normal circumstances, he would have spent a few minutes talking to you and greedily drinking in the sight of you in a silky midnight blue night shirt and shorts, especially when he could clearly see the outline of your nipples straining against the delicate material, but the entrancing sight held nearly no sway over him this night.

He saw you shrug out of the corner of his eye and turn the page of your book, just as uninterested in him as you always were. “Kazue got a tummy ache after dinner tonight, so I sat up with him until it passed and he was able to fall asleep. I’m starting to think he might be a bit lactose intolerant, and it was the cream based sauce that did it.”

“I see…” Was his only response as he made his way into the bathroom to take a scalding hot shower, completely missing your wide eyed stare following him all the way to the bathroom and lingering long after the door had shut behind him.

—————

And perhaps it was his complete and utter disinterest in the well-being of his son that tipped the scales in his favor that night and made you act so out of character, Kai thought to himself, because any other time you said such a thing, he would have been asking a whole host of increasingly concerned questions and rushing into the child’s room to see for himself that he was safe a well.

—————

By the time Kai emerged from the bathroom over an hour later, his skin having turned a pinkish red and scrubbed so raw in places that he’d likely taken away a layer or two, the bedside lamp was shut off and you were nestled comfortably under the covers, though he could tell you were still wide awake. But still, he said nothing as he pulled back the covers and finally laid down. He was exhausted, both mentally and emotionally, and he felt it deep down in his bones, but he just couldn’t seem to get his mind to settle.

It also didn’t help that he could feel your gaze drilling holes into his back and adding to his already mounting tension.

You hadn’t said anything, but he could feel your questions hanging in the air all around him and the pressure of it made his already sensitive and scalded skin itch. He’d never had this kind of adverse reaction to you before and it terrified him to no small degree. He knew it was just the lingering effects from what had occurred today, but still, it wasn’t a feeling he’d ever wanted to experience where you were concerned.

So he answered your unspoken question, if only to try and make the itching go away.

“He’s dead…”

The two softly spoken words rang hollow in the quiet of the bedroom and while Kai knew he didn’t need to elaborate further on who he was referring to, you would already know, the floodgates were now open and he couldn’t stop himself from speaking further, even if there was no prompting for it from you.

“The underling assigned to care for him said that the readings on all his monitors were fine this morning, but when he came back to check on him during lunch…” He trailed off, his throat constricting around the words as he fought to keep some semblance of his composure intact, but against all his best efforts, a pathetic and broken sound, somewhere between a sob and whine, slipped out of him instead. He hated how weak he felt in this moment; he’d seen his own fair share of death and horrible things over the years, Hell!, he’d performed human medical experiments that could easily be qualified as torture, and on his own daughter of all people! And yet he’d never felt as grief stricken and misguided after coming to terms with those instances, not the way he did right now with this.

He knew it was bound to happen someday, Pops dying… but he never thought it would be so soon, and certainly not before he was able to wake him up and show the man everything he had achieved, not just for the Shie Hassaikai and the yakuza, but for himself.

And now he would never get that chance.

He would never get to tell him how much he honored and respected him, or how grateful he was to have been saved and raised by him, how he thought of him as a father, even if he’d never had the courage to call him by such a title in all the years he’d been under his roof. He’d never get to introduce you to him and hear him laugh when you inevitably called him out on his bullshit and sometimes poor behavior, or see him hold Kazue in his arms and try Eri’s spectacular cooking for the first time. He’d never again feel that strong hand on his shoulder, or hear his voice telling him how proud he was of him despite all his faults and mistakes.

But worst of all, is knowing how he’d never get the chance to beg for his forgiveness, and tell him just how sorry he was for what he’d done that last day they’d spoken, when he laid out the original details of his plan, before everything changed… before you had come into his life and changed everything.

When you failed to respond after a few moments, Kai began wondering if he had imagined you still being awake. Perhaps it had been wishful thinking on his part and his tired mind had simply wanted to believe that you were just the slightest bit worried for him.

He was just about to roll over to try and sleep, and hopefully forget all about this for a little while in dreamless oblivion, when he felt a light pressure on his bicep, so light and tentative that, were his skin not so sensitive from the shower, he might not have noticed it right away.

The contact of your hand made him immediately go rigid, completely terrified that one wrong move would send you reeling back to the other side of the bed. He’d been so distracted that he hadn’t noticed you inching closer to his side of the bed until now, and he didn’t even know what to do with himself. Sure, there had been brief and accidental exchanges of touch since Kazue had been born, usually when passing the children to one another or when you got in close quarters with each other, but in all actuality, you hadn’t gone out of your way to touch him in years, and now, he didn’t have a single clue as to what to make of this. It wasn’t as if he was complaining about it, far from it, but he just didn’t know what to take it as.

He told you before that every future touch would be on your terms, and he wanted to keep his word on that front, and he truly didn’t know if this moment was meant to go beyond what was already happening. He didn’t want to misinterpret you touching him like this as more than what you were intending it to be, because for all he knew, you only meant for this to be a consoling touch to try and give him some small form of comfort during this difficult situation he was facing. So he would take what he could get and he would commit this feeling to memory and use it on days when the strain of not being able to touch you was at its strongest, he would use it as a reminder of what he was working so hard to prove to you.

…

Minutes passed, and after some time, he received yet another shock when he felt the slightest pull on his arm.

He barely noticed it at first, and when he did, he just assumed you were getting ready to take your hand back, but when your touch lingered, the pull becoming more insistent, he finally gave in and turned to face you.

You were laying on your side, a look of conflicted contemplation settled over your face and his eyes immediately zeroed in on the way you were biting your bottom lip, a clear sign you were deep in thought on a subject you likely considered very worrisome. Even with the tragedy of Pops’ death hanging like a morbid sheet over his head, Kai couldn’t keep his mind away from thoughts of how those perfect lips of yours used to feel wrapped around his cock, or even how they simply felt against his own. If things weren’t so strained and different between the two of you these days, he likely would have been inside you already, using pleasure and ecstasy to temporarily push aside the unusual feelings of sorrow and grief that were currently plaguing his mind.

As it stood though, that wasn’t even an option right now and he needed to get a hold of himself and gain back some semblance of self control.

“Was…” His voice sounded strained and thick, even to his ears, and he cleared his throat before continuing. “Was there something you needed, my love?” He asked cautiously, not wanting to make a big deal about this odd touch of yours and risk spooking you.

You didn’t respond though, in fact, you couldn’t even bring yourself to keep eye contact with him for longer than a few seconds. There was just enough light in the room for him to see that your gaze kept shifting around, and he wondered what was going on inside your head for you to be feeling so nervous and fidgety. It wasn’t a trait you often showed around him, not anymore at least.

Eventually, after a few more quiet moments of thought, you finally got your bearings back and decided to show him what you wanted, rather than expressing it through words, as you rolled over onto your back and opened your arms to him…

Kai was so shocked and stunned by this unexpected turn of events, that he didn’t know what to do with himself and he just continued to stare at you with wide eyes and an open mouthed expression adorning his usually carefully controlled features.

“Well…” You finally snapped at him quietly, although the words carried zero bite to them. “Are you going to come over here or not?” Your voice was barely above a whisper, as if you were afraid of being too loud for some reason.

But at your insistence, Kai moved without another thought.

—————

Even three years later, Kai could still remember that night with perfect clarity.

He could still recall the warmth and softness of your skin, the feel of your arms wrapping around his back in an awkward, but still comforting embrace, he could even remember the way you’d smelled of lilies and eucalyptus as he’d buried his face in the crook of your neck and shoulder. But what he recalled the most vividly, was how he hadn’t felt the least bit judged for the tears that eventually started to fall, or for the quiet sobs that had shaken his body. And all the while, you had simply and silently held him through all of it, you had even stroked your hands up and down the length of his back once in a while.

You hadn’t offered him your condolences or any words of comfort, but what you did give him was so much more profound. The fact that you had chosen to set aside your own negative opinions and personal feelings for him and allowed him to have that moment of silence to grieve and let it all out, that mattered more to him than mere words could ever hope to convey. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d cried over anything, he’d come very close to it a few times during the days surrounding Kazue’s horrifically premature birth, but the ability to shed true tears was something he thought he’d long since purged from himself.

And afterwards, during the following morning, when he’d slowly and silently pulled himself from your arms, savoring every last second he could soaking up your warmth and scent, before he allowed himself to give your cheek the lightest of kisses, he thought that would be the first and last time something like that would occur, that it was a one and done moment. He assumed you wouldn’t even want to talk about it, so he hadn’t brought it up at all and chose instead to keep it tucked away in his heart as a sort of keepsake memory.

But, to his still shocked and bewildered delight, you had offered him the same thing again that night… and the next night, and the night after that, until it became commonplace and a habit neither of you seemed willing to break.

And slowly, little by little, you started opening up to him more after that and Kai relished every moment of it.

He wasn’t delusional enough to think you had entirely accepted your life here with him, he knew that acceptance and complacency were two vastly different concepts, and you were still far from happy. But every time you let your guard down and touched him, or gave him a smile that wasn’t forced and strained for the children’s sake was still a win for him. It felt so much more rewarding and genuine, in a way forcing you never had. He still couldn’t bring himself to fully regret the actions he’d taken that had led him to this point, but now he could see the benefits that could be obtained through time and patience. It wasn’t easy by any means, there were still days where he found himself feeling resentful and bitter that he was having to work so hard for something that, in his mind, he still viewed as rightfully his, but a quick flashback to the awful day of Kazue’s birth was usually enough to snap him out of it.

Sometimes, the memories of that day were so terribly vivid that it felt like he was reliving it all over again and he could still hear the sound the back of his fist had made as it cracked against your face, or the sound of your heavily pregnant body hitting the floor. Those were the mild ones though, the worst came when he could see your blood on his hands and smell the coppery scent of it hanging in the air all around him.

It was so bad in the beginning that he often awoke from nightmares of it, gasping for breath and drenched in a cold sweat that even the heat of a blistering shower couldn’t fully wipe away.

But it was getting better with time, and as selfish as he knew it was, the main reason for that was because he had the assurance that you would never know or remember the exact details of what happened that terrible day. Even five years later, you never once gave him any indication to believe that the false memory he had planted in your mind was fading. It didn’t completely wash away the immense guilt he still felt over it, but had you been allowed to hold it over his head like he knew you most certainly would have, it would have eventually torn him apart from the inside out and made even looking at you and the children nearly unbearable.

…

“Are you listening to me you fucking asshole?!”

Something whizzed past his face and crashed into the wall behind him, pulling him from his musings and bringing his mind back to the present situation at hand.

Kai turned his head to see that it was the bottle of whiskey that had been sitting in the middle of the table, the amber liquid slowly trickling down the pristine white wall and forming a puddle on the floor, along with the broken shards of glass.

Having two children, especially when one of them was a very rambunctious toddler, had done a lot to help him develop a stronger tolerance for messes and disorder, but even so, having a full grown man throw such a childish temper tantrum in his presence was more than enough to make his brow twitch in irritation.

Kai shook his head in disgust. “I have to admit, this really is rather pathetic.” He said, turning back to face the group across from him. “ When my son was going through his terrible twos, he was still better behaved than you and your sorry lot.” And from somewhere behind him, he heard quiet laughter come from the men standing against the wall. Not a surprise really, his Precepts had all spent enough time around the boy these last five years and knew perfectly well how energetic he could be, thankfully though, for as much as Kazue took after Kai in the looks and quirk department, he had seemingly inherited your mellow disposition.

It took a minute, but once the insult fully registered, the man’s face turned an impressive shade of red for a few moments before a thought must have hit his pea-sized brain and a sinister smirk curled up the corner of his lips.

“A son, huh?” He said, easily taking the bait Kai laid out for him. “Gotta say, I never would have suspected that the feared Head of the Shie Hassaikai was a family man.” The morons behind him must have thought he was doing a remarkable job of it, since they all laughed right along with him, and spurred on by his men’s reactions, he unknowingly kept digging his own grave. “That must mean you have yourself a woman…”

His words might have actually hit their intended mark, had Kai not already anticipated the response and prepared his temper for it accordingly. He didn’t exactly need a reason to take the fools out, he could have done so already and called it a day, but he was feeling generous at the moment and decided to allow the scumbags before him to think they could have been spared from his wrath if only they had left talk of you and Kazue out of it.

“I’ve heard how insanely high maintenance you are, so she must be one helluva ride in the fucking sack if she caught your eye.” He continued on, so convinced of his own superiority over Kai and his Precepts that he failed to notice the way his disrespectful words had very quickly drawn the ire of the loyal men standing behind the golden eyed leader. “Tell you what, you give me and my men a free pass with her, and we’ll call this whole situation a simple misunderstanding.”

Kai knew that such a remark was coming, but even then, the rage that consumed him was so blinding, so all consuming, that it almost caused his quirk to activate without conscious thought.

But surprisingly, it wasn’t Kai himself that reacted first, it was Hojo who slammed the side of a crystal fist against the back wall, the force of it cracking the cement and rattling the room hard enough that debris rained down from the ceiling in a few places.

“Keep your disgusting comments about the Lady out of your filthy mouths.” He said, his tone low and menacing. “If I hear something like that again, I’ll personally nail each and every one of you to the walls by your shriveled up balls and dicks.” Hojo’s eyes were normally shadowed, but right now, the crystals that formed them were bright and blazing with barely contained fury.

Silence filled the meeting room for a few short seconds before the leader of the soon to be eradicated gang spoke up again, this time with a bit of fear lacing his otherwise steady tone of voice. Kai didn’t know if it was overconfidence, or just plain stupidity that kept him from pissing himself, but the little fucker had some balls, that was for sure, and Kai was willing to give him credit in that regard at the very least.

“Are all of you Hassaikai pricks this sensitive when it comes to such little things?” He scoffed dismissively before meeting Kai’s gaze. “You disrespected us, and I only suggested it as an easy way for you to express your regrets, but if it’s too difficult to hand over your woman to us for a night, then I’m sure we can figure something else out to fix this situation.”

Kai was now thoroughly convinced; this moron's overinflated bravado and sense of self worth was heightened by nothing more than sheer stupidity. For him to think that Kai cared enough about making this deal happen that he’d be willing to bend over backwards to please them was just plain laughable. They had more than enough mules to push their product, they didn’t need these inconsequential nobodies, but enlisting a few extra hands never hurt.

It’s just a shame that some of those hands were a little too far reaching.

“Is that so?” Kai said quietly. “You must be quite full of yourself if you think that asking for permission to violate my wife is something I’m just going to overlook?” His voice was level and lethally calm, but the absolute disgust he felt could be heard in each word he spoke.

The moment the words registered in their pea-brain heads, all the men went as still as statues and noticeably paled. It would have been one thing if they had insulted a common whore or a bed warmer, but they didn’t, they insulted a powerful leader’s wife, and it didn’t make a lick of difference to Kai whether the fools knew that detail beforehand or not.

They tried to plead half-hearted apologies, then they begged, then they tried to run…

Then, the bloodletting began.

—————

Kai slumped back in the chair behind his desk with an audible groan as Hari placed a glass of bourbon before him and took a seat across from him with his own.

“So, did you get it all out of your system?” The silver haired man asked him, hiding his insufferable and knowing grin with a well timed sip of his drink.

Kai glared, albeit half-heartedly. “And just what is that supposed to mean?” He asked, and picked up his own glass, downing the knuckles worth of liquor in one go

Kai’s disposition had mellowed out in the years since Kazue’s birth, Hari thought, and while he would never call the man soft or say he’d lost his brutal edge, he had certainly opened up and relaxed a bit more when it came to those within their inner circle. But even still, he knew better than to outright laugh at him. He could easily get away with a bit of heckling, but even he had his limits where Kai’s temper was concerned.

“You went into that meeting looking for any excuse you could to take out that pent up aggression of yours on them, that’s the only reason you allowed it to happen in the first place.” The second in command shot back. “So, which one of you was it this time?”

There was silence between them for a few more heartbeats before Kai spoke.

“Her.”

That one simple word carried so much weight to it that Hari could practically see it wearing his friend down.

“Well that explains it.”

Kai nodded in answer but didn’t elaborate any further. There was no need to, Hari already knew everything there was to know about the situation, about the little game you and he had been playing for the better part of the last two years.

It had truly been an accident, the day you had unknowingly walked into this very office, only to find him with his hand wrapped around his cock, and watching one of the many saved videos he had from the camera recordings of your old room down below. The volume had been reduced considerably, but there had been no mistaking the sound of flesh slapping against flesh, or that of your exquisite voice moaning and crying out his name.

You had stood in the doorway for only a handful of seconds before turning on your heel and leaving without a single word, but in that short span of time, Kai had seen the way your eyes lingered on his aching cock, had seen the way you licked your dry lips before biting the bottom one between your teeth. It was that image, not the one of you and himself together on the screen of his computer, that had sent him over the edge into a mind numbing orgasm.

But once the haze of pleasure had ebbed away and no longer clouded his sense of thought or reason, the panic had quickly set in. All throughout the rest of the day, he had been terrified that this incident would set back all the progress the two of you had made together so far these last three years. He had anticipated you getting angry and calling him a vile piece of shit at best, or giving him the cold shoulder at worst, what he hadn’t expected though, was that you wouldn’t do anything at all.

At first…

Nothing was amiss, you’d acted no differently than normal, and if he hadn’t known any better, he might have even gotten it into his head that he had imagined your appearance in his office earlier. He let himself think that perhaps you just wanted to pretend that it had never happened and you were showing him kindness by not bringing it up. So, as the night wore on, he’d relaxed more and more, and when the children were finally put to bed and fast asleep, he hadn’t given it a single thought when you said you were going to take a bath to relax before joining him in bed.

Until he saw you approach his closet, got a look at what you had grabbed from its contents, and realized that your real reaction was going to be so much worse for him than what he had originally built up in his mind.

—————

Kai watched, his curiosity now thoroughly peaked enough that he didn’t dare ask what it was you were doing, as you made a beeline straight for his closet.

He kept his eyes trained on the entryway as you disappeared into an out of the way corner within the small space and began rummaging around. He strained his hearing, trying his best to figure out what you were looking for based on the sounds, but he couldn't be entirely too sure and gave up after a short while, resigning himself to just learning what it was when you finally emerged.

And soon enough, you did, but what you held in your hand was nearly enough to give him a heart attack, because there, dangling loosely from your grip, as if it were nothing more that a simple article of clothing, was one of the many toys he’d always kept stashed away in a trunk at the back of the closet. He’d kept them all, but after he moved you and everyone else upstairs to the main house, he’d made sure that you and he had separate closets, so you’d have a place to change clothes in private, and the trunk was placed in his, and somehow, you must have guessed that he’d do such a thing, because he had certainly never mentioned it to you.

He recognized it as one that he’d used on you fairly regularly; long and purple, it was shaped like a realistic cock, including ridges to resemble veins and complete with all the bells and whistles of a regular vibrator, it even had an attachment meant to help stimulate the clit. And whenever he used it on you back then, he always loved just letting it sit there inside of you, sometimes tucking your soaked panties around its base to help keep it in place so his hands could be free to pleasure you in other places, or stimulate himself while he watched and listened to you beg and plead with him to take it out or make the over-stimulation end.

He tried to keep you from seeing just how much the sight of you with that object was affecting, not just a certain key area of his lower body, but his mental state as well, but he highly doubted he was doing a very good job of it. He sometimes didn’t know how to act around you anymore now that he was striving to be less dominant and forceful with you. It was probably one of the hardest things he had ever done, and even now, after years of teaching himself not to react in a volatile manner when you did or said something that he didn’t approve of, it still ate away at his pride a little.

The idea of you pleasuring yourself was never a thought he allowed his mind to dwell on for too long, mostly because it was a subject that did nothing more than rub salt into the wound that was his still broken heart. All it did was remind him of those last words you spoke to him right before that terrible incident three years ago, when you said you always tried to think of someone else every time he forced himself on you. He knew you’d only said it to hurt him, but the comment most definitely hit its intended target, and every time the words unwittingly came to the forefront of his mind, it proved a challenge for him to keep himself from raging like a madman. He wanted so very badly to grab you and throw you down onto the bed, to fill you with his cock again and make you cry out his name like a prayer to the heavens, make you swear that you’d never touch yourself again unless it was to put on a show for him.

These days though, those moments were growing fewer and farther between.

He knew that his dominant and forceful approach to intimacy wasn’t something he’d ever be able to completely erase from his personality, but he promised himself that if you ever choose to be intimate with him again, he would put forth every ounce of effort he could muster towards begin better, to being a man that was worthy of your willingness and acceptance. He’d told you before that if you ever choose to be with him like that again, that things would go right back to the way they’d been and you would have no one to blame but yourself for it, and while that statement had been true at the time, that was no longer the case for him.

But seeing you standing before him now, dressed in nothing but a black nightgown that hugged all your lovely curves perfectly and holding that toy in your delicate hand, he felt his self control hanging on by a very flimsy thread as he, very unrealistically, imagined you blessedly asking him to help you with it.

He was so distracted by the sight of you that he barely heard you when you spoke and he had to awkwardly ask you to repeat yourself.

You didn’t smile or react in any way except to hold the vibrator up in the air, as if it needed to be pointed out so he’d know what you were referring to, and repeat yourself.

“This one is waterproof, right?” You asked, your face a mask of bored indifference. “I remember you used it on me in the shower a few times, or was it a different one than this? There were a few purple ones mixed in there.”

Kai blinked at you in shock, because in the last three years, not a single word had been uttered between the two of you regarding your prior sex life. He hadn’t wanted to trigger you by making references to it, and he just assumed that you never brought it up because of fairly obvious reasons. It genuinely surprised him how easily you were mentioning it, and with such a straight face and bland expression. He guessed you were only trying to goad him into reacting as pay back for what you had caught him doing earlier, but he figured it was best to move it along quickly to avoid falling into whatever trap you were potentially trying to lay out for him. His patience and self control could only stretch so far after all.

He cleared his throat and forced his gaze to turn back towards the report in his hand, not that he was actually reading it anymore, but that was beside the point.

“It’s waterproof.” He said, perhaps a bit too tightly. “It’s been years since it’s been used though, so the batteries might be dead, and it’ll need to be thoroughly cleaned.”

He hoped that would be enough to satisfy you and you’d finally take it away from his presence, but the sudden buzzing sound told him he wasn’t that lucky and he gripped the paperwork in his hand all the tighter to keep himself in check.

“Sounds like it’s working just fine to me.” You said, clicking it through all of its different settings before it went silent once more and he relaxed ever so slightly. “If you’re asleep when I get done, I’ll try not to wake you up when I come to bed.”

And with that, you walked off, quietly shutting the bathroom door behind you and leaving him alone in relative silence, but the moment he heard the sound of rushing water filling up the tub, he scrambled to turn the bedside lamp off and go to sleep as quickly as possible. He hoped he might get lucky and you’d do whatever it was you wanted with that thing while the water was still running and spare him from the potential torture of having to hear anything, or better yet, maybe you wouldn’t do anything with it at all and you taking it in there with you was just for show.

The water shut off and he waited a solid ten minutes or so before he deemed it safe to finally relax and try to fall asleep like normal, but then it happened…

He heard the muffled vibrations of the toy and the sloshing of the water, and not even a few seconds later, his keen hearing also picked up on the unmistakable sound of your quiet little moans and gasps of pleasure.

He was lying on his stomach, with his hard cock pinned uncomfortably between himself and the bed, but he refused to move and relieve himself. Even as the noises you made grew higher in pitch and more erratic, he wanted to listen to them all, to absorb them all and use them for his own fantasies, and all the while, he felt utterly torn between praying that you’d stop, and never wanting it to end. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering if it was himself you were thinking of in there, if you were remembering all the ways he used to touch you and kiss you, if you were hearing his phantom voice whispering filthy words and dark promises in your ear, but most of all, he couldn’t help but wonder if you would end up feeling dirty and regretting it afterwards, if you were in fact thinking of him.

Eventually, your voice reached a pitch that couldn’t be misinterpreted as anything but that of someone reaching the peak of orgasmic pleasure and Kai found himself near to weeping in gratitude when all went quiet again before the sound of draining water filled the silence instead. He knew you would be coming out and climbing into bed at any moment and silently willed his aching cock and rising desire to calm down and lessen.

A few minutes later, after the water stopped draining from the tub, Kai heard the door quietly creak open and he listened intently while you padded across the carpeted floor and climbed into bed with him.

He was surprised when he felt you slide over and cuddle up to his back, having thought that you wouldn’t be comfortable with it tonight, but you dropped your arm across his waist and allowed your hand to rest on his stomach, dangerously close to the tip of still fully erect cock, but he certainly wasn’t about to make any complaints about it. These moments with you at night were bittersweet torture for him, but Kai wouldn’t end them for all the world, not when it was the only time he allowed himself the privilege of touching you for longer than a few scant seconds. Even if the puffs of your breath on the back of his neck made his hips and cock twitch, and the feel of your unbound breasts pressing into his shoulder-blades made him imagine rolling over-top of you and latching his mouth onto one of those sensitive little nipples through the nightshirt you currently wore.

“Kai?”

Your voice cut straight through the fog of sleep that was beginning to cloud his senses and he shifted ever so slightly to let you know he was still aware and listening.

He felt you smile against the back of his neck and stiffened when you leaned up to breathe the words against the sensitive skin behind his ear. “I just thought you should know that we’re even for now.” And to his complete shock and surprise, you laid a quick, barely there kiss to that same little spot of skin. “That’s all.”

—————

That night was the precursor to what would become this ongoing game between the two of you that had been playing out for nearly two years.

Kai hadn’t been able to get what you’d said out of his head for nearly a week afterwards, or rather, it was two words in particular that stuck with him so strongly.

‘For now.’

He might have overlooked it, had you not said it in that teasing and lilting tone of yours and concluded it with that little brush of your lips.

So, he decided to test out this new theory of his, and the next time he felt the urge to pleasure himself, he made sure you would be fully aware of it.

He’d done it simply by taking a shower at the right time and leaving the bathroom door slightly ajar, and when he heard you enter the bedroom, he hadn’t bothered to try and contain the sounds of his pleasure or stop your name from rolling off his tongue. Knowing that you had been fully aware of what he was in the midst of doing, that you were just on the other side of the door, had heightened the intensity of his orgasm when he finally found release, enough so that he’d had to take a seat on the bench in the shower to catch his breath before drying off and emerging.

You’d taken a seat in front of the tv on the other side of the large room, watching some kind of documentary, but he’d been able to tell right off the bat that you hadn’t been paying a lick of attention to it. You’d kept stealing so many sidelong glances at him that it was almost comical, and when he flashed you a knowing smirk before climbing in bed that night, he knew without a doubt that you’d understood he’d done it on purpose.

Two days later, you’d done it again as well, letting him hear every little sound that escaped your mouth while you fucked yourself with your own fingers this time, and while he never once heard his name fall from your lips, he was confident this time that it was him that you were imagining, him, and no one else.

The two of you had been at it ever since, and over time, some unspoken rules had developed between you both, especially since it had escalated and moved from the bathroom to the bedroom where you both laid side by side.

For starters, while this was something that the two of you both participated in, it was never spoken about, either during or afterwards. Neither of you sought pleasure at the same time or on the same night, and though both of you knew that the other was always listening intently and sometimes even watching, it was always done under the guise of pretending to be asleep.

“So, what made this time so difficult?” Hari asked him casually, pulling him from his introspection on these events of the past.

It seemed to be a running theme for him today.

Kai gritted his teeth as a wave of arousal washed over him. “She let my name slip again.”

Last night had been your turn, and when he’d cracked his eyes open just bit to see your fingers pinching one perfect nipple and your hips rising off the bed with the force of your orgasm, he’d nearly broken one of those unspoken rules when you’d breathlessly whisper-moaned his name. It wasn’t the first time you’d done it, but even still, it hit him just as hard whenever it did slip out.

Sometimes, whenever he let himself dwell on the thought of it for too long, he felt like it might just drive him mad.

For fear of ruining what little trust and progress you had gained with him these last five years, he could never bring himself to ask why you couldn’t simply admit that you wanted to resume sharing his bed with him in every way that counted. Not just to sleep and rest in, nor as a ruse for the sake of allowing the children to believe they still had two parents who loved one another. You knew from experience that he could bring you more pleasure in bed than you ever could hope to achieve on your own, and you obviously still wanted him, if not emotionally, then physically at the very least, and he often wondered what would happen if he were to break down and ask you about it. But every time he started to open his mouth to do so, all those ghosts of the past would creep up his spine and remind him of all the horrible ways such a thing could backfire on him and the ramifications that would follow.

As Kai continued to silently stew in his own bitter musings, Hari couldn’t help but let his own thoughts wander in the same direction.

His own relationship with your sister was at a similar standstill, but for all the opposite reasons.

After that first night, when she came to him, drunk and seeking a way to help her forget about the temporary death she and the doctor had miraculously managed to pull you back from after the horrific birth of Kazue, it hadn’t stopped after that. It was like the dam that was her iron resolve had permanently cracked after that and she couldn’t bring herself to stay away from him any longer. And even though it was mindbogglingly amazing, the best sex he had ever had in all honesty, it just so happened to be the thing tearing him apart inside, because that’s all it was.

Just sex.

She came to him for it whenever Rappa wasn’t around, and sometimes even when he was and she just wanted a change of pace. But she never stayed for very long afterwards, not unless she was interested in going at it again for multiple rounds. Beyond that first night, she never slept in his bed, nor did she allow him to sleep in hers. Once in a while she would stick around and chat with him while she got her bearings back or while she took her time getting redressed, but she never stayed for too much longer than that

There were so many times he felt that he should just give up and accept that he’d never have her the way he truly wanted, but whenever she came to him, he couldn’t bring himself to ever turn her down. He kept holding onto the hope that she’d one day see what they could have together if only she’d give him a chance and open up more than just her body to him. He could give her so much more than Rappa ever could, and she knew that, but still she refused to give him the opportunity to prove it to her.

Hari never once tried to talk to Kai about this though, as the other man had more than enough stress and worry of his own to deal with. Not to mention, he felt like talking to him about the frequency of his own sex life would probably do nothing but make his boss dwell even harder on the continued lack of it in his own relationship with you. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like for him to share a bed with you every night, listening to you pleasure yourself so often right beside him, and not give into the temptation of touching you. He might not fully understand why Kai let this stalemate with you drag on for so long, but he couldn’t deny how much he admired the man’s level of restraint and determination to see his promise to you fulfilled.

Neither of them spoke much after that, and their once companionable silence soon morphed into morose brooding as each of them continued to dwell on the issues surrounding the women in their lives.

For those of you who aren’t aware, I set up a poll a few days ago asking whether or not I should split this finale into two parts, and while it was a close match, the majority said they wanted it split, so that’s what this is.

I apologize that this entire chapter was Kai-centric, I know a lot of people prefer to read entirely from the Reader’s POV, but I felt that an entire chapter/part from Kai’s perspective was necessary to get across the changes he’s gone through during the time-skip.

We’ll be getting back to the Reader in the next chapter though and you’ll all get to see how she’s been fairing, rather than hearing about it secondhand from Kai. So I’m hoping to have Part 2 finished and posted in a couple of weeks, so please be on the lookout! 🥰

I hope you all enjoy this and please don’t hesitate to let me know what you think! Thank you for all the support!

And as always, I want to give a BIG thank you to my amazing friend @talpup for all the brainstorming and encouragement on these stories! I’m sure I would have given up on this blog a while ago if it wasn’t for all of their help. I highly encourage anyone who takes the time to read this to go over to their page or their AO3 account under the sam name and check out their works, especially Chaos and Lost Song. They are two of my favorite BNHA fics of ALL TIME! And who has also started their own Yandere!Overhaul fic called Crossroads and is set in a 1920′s prohibition style era, it’s amazing and you need to check it out!

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