#paschal the physician

[tschulijulesjulie]

Someone should have figured it out before Paschals testimony. The regents plots have patterns, its always close to the truth, always twisted and blaming someone else.

Damen was framed for patricide, when in truth it was Kastor.

but wait its a plot reused. it has worked once before. killing the king, and sending the son to be killed by their enemy.

Theomedes was poisened just like Aleron was killed by his own guard.

Auguste was sent to fight a deadly duel and it killed him (there probably was a plan b if he had survived). Just like that Damen was sent as a slave to Laurent, who they thought would kill him, too.

The regent really is not as clever as he thinks he is.

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 8

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

An experienced commander, Damen knew what happened when soldiers rode through populated lands. Given warning, the old and the young, the women and the men would make for the surrounding countryside, taking shelter in the hills with their best cow, or provisions. If not given warning, they were at the mercy of the troop’s leader, the most benevolent of whom would make his men pay for the provisions they took, and the daughters and sons they enjoyed. At first.

i don’t know if i’ve said this before (sarcasm), but i do not like the way traditional akielon culture seems to think it can get away with being depraved just because it pretends to be noble (slavery, war strategy). at least the veretian court and military are self-aware about the ways they suck, and the pets have contracts.

As he spoke, Damen saw a soldier let a dog loose from the chain it strained at. Frowning, he watched it streak across the village, stopping at one of the far outbuildings, scrabbling at the door.

that dog should be at the club

He put his hand on the door of the outbuilding and found it unyielding. It was latched, from the inside. Behind him, a girl’s unsteady voice said, ‘There’s nothing there. Don’t go inside.’ He turned. It was a child of about nine, of indeterminate gender, only maybe a girl. White-faced, she had pushed herself out of the pile of firewood stacked against the building wall. ‘If there’s nothing there, why not go inside?’ Laurent’s voice. Laurent’s calm, invariably infuriating logic, as he arrived, also on foot.

i love compassionate laurent. he is so selective with his protectiveness and care, so it just hits different when he drops the cold bitchy persona like this. it’s like gordon ramsey on masterchef jr

‘Look.’ Laurent dropped to one knee in front of the girl, and showed her the starburst on his ring. ‘We are friends.’ She said, ‘My friends are dead.’

it’s okay, so are his. poor nicaise

‘My Liege,’ he said, and with a spear in his stomach, he was trying to push himself up on one arm to rise for his Prince. He wasn’t looking at Damen. He was looking past him, at Laurent, who was standing in the doorway. Laurent said without looking around, ‘Call for Paschal.’ He stepped into the crude space, moving past the woman, simply putting his hand on the spear shaft she held and drawing it out of the way. Then he dropped to his knees on the dirt floor, where the man had collapsed back onto the straw. He was gazing up at Laurent with recognition. ‘I couldn’t hold them off,’ the man said. ‘Lie back,’ said Laurent. ‘The physician comes.’

he goes to his knees on a dirt floor to comfort a dying man. this entire sequence is one of those tells for the reader, reminding us that laurent exists outside of damen’s limited perception. again, i think i will eventually try to fill in what laurent’s been up to in these first few chapters, because throughout the entire series prior to charcy he and damen had been pretty inseparable

Damen looked around the small, mean room. This old man had fought for these villagers against young, mounted soldiers. Perhaps he had been the only one here with any training, though any training that he’d had would have been from his past; he was old. Still, he had fought. This woman and her daughter had tried to help him, then to hide him.

“the small, mean room.” war isn’t honorable or pretty, in the way akielon culture seems to celebrate it. it’s mean and small (mundane, simple).

from last chapter: “A fair fight?’ said Laurent, turning back to him. ‘No fight’s ever fair. Someone’s always stronger.”

this is not what damen has been led to believe about war. akielos is all about making sure that the people in power are so casually revered that they forget they’re only strong because everyone else is weak. why else do you think slaves are such a huge part of their culture? damen even says last chapter that only the most submissive class of people, slaves, can even come close to his body to dress it. i don’t see any honor in that, being so exalted that you’re untouchable by anyone who could even stand a chance of being your equal. it’s similar to a giant military force attacking villages of innocent and vulnerable people, as we’re seeing here. and while this specific attack wasn’t done by makedon, damen still immediately assumes that it was, which tells us that the akielon army regularly does shit like this.

it’s kind of a big deal, that damen makes such an immediate assumption. he believes that this attack is the doing of akielos, his own nation, following his father’s traditional tactics. and he is very unhappy about that, to the point that he wants to see the person responsible punished with death. damen can’t deny that this fight wasn’t fair, and that makes him so angry that he wants to force a “fair” fight with makedon. but deep down he knows that fighting makedon isn’t fair either, because damen is the stronger man and literally the king. i think we’re seeing damen go through the stages of grief here, both with the loss of his father and the person he used to be. he can no longer deny the things he’s realized are wrong about traditional akielon culture and his own past self, but he hasn’t accepted them either. at this moment, damen is in the bargaining and anger stages, reckoning with the fact that so many things he once thought were fair, never have been fair, and never will be.

He stepped over the blood and knelt as Laurent had in front of the girl. ‘Who did this?’ She said nothing at first. ‘I swear to you, I will find them and make them pay.’

laurent offers the scared child comfort and support, damen demands an explanation and offers vengeance. what a fascinating reversal (laurent seems nice, damen seems mean) that genuinely rings true for them both, trying their best to be their own ideas of Good.

damen is a product of his kingdom’s culture, while laurent is a victim of his kingdom’s culture. damen is rejecting his kingdom’s traditions based on newly-developed moral clarity, but he still hasn’t figured out exactly what kind of king he wants to be. laurent, meanwhile, has told damen that his court is going to be different from his uncle’s court, and we know that’s because laurent himself has been a victim of veretian culture. however, laurent has had a lot more time to develop his own ideas and identity, and we see that here in how he handles the public.

if laurent is a product of anything, it’s his brother’s love. while laurent still sees himself as “tainted,” he idolizes his brother just as much in death as he did in life. even if laurent believes that he will never measure up to auguste’s goodness, he still cares deeply about fighting for a better world, in the same way that he knows auguste would have done. in the same way auguste hadn’t been there to do, for laurent, during those seven long years in arles.

meanwhile, damen has been set rather adrift in terms of how he should fight for a better world, because he’s lost his faith in akielon values, aka the only values he’s really known. his arc throughout this series includes a shift from passive traditionalism to active reform, based on his own constantly evolving ideas of honor and integrity.

She met his eyes. He thought he’d hear fear-darkened flashes, a truncated description, that he’d learn, at best, the colour of a cloak. But the girl said the name clearly, like she’d carved it into her heart. ‘Damianos,’ she said. ‘Damianos did this.

book 1 flogging scene parallel

Outside, when he pushed outside, the landscape lost colour, greying out. He had his hand braced against the trunk of a tree when he came back to himself, and his body shook with anger.

another well-written damen ptsd reaction. i like that it’s pretty understated, too, but the weight is still there

Soldiers shouting his name had ridden in here in the dark. They had cut down villagers with swords, burned them in their houses, a planned move meant to injure him politically. His stomach had heaved as though he had been sick. He felt in himself something dark and unnamed at the tactics of those he fought.

i think what might also be making him sick is the realization that this isn’t all that different from akielon soldiers under his father’s command, doing the same things to enemies of the nation. to kastor, damen is an enemy of akielos, and neither damen nor the innocent people dying as a result of this conflict between kastor and damen have any say in that designation

‘I will give you the honour of trial by combat that you do not deserve,’ said Damen, ‘before I kill you for what you have done here.’

honorable conflict, to damen, is personal and direct. he and laurent have that in common. but war, as akielons do it, is impersonal and indirect. look no further than at the way damen has always regarded the killing of auguste, a stranger—fair, well-met. but he’s seen the consequences of that, and the country that suffered as a result of auguste’s loss. the person he loves, who suffered as a result of auguste’s loss.

by damen’s own internal logic, seen here in his challenge of makedon (“i will give you the honor of trial by combat”), he knows that the war tactics (surprise attacks of random villages) he’s accepted for his entire life are decidedly dishonorable. so he’s pretty emotional about that, and needs an outlet for those emotions, in addition to everything else going on

‘Draw,’ said Damen. ‘For what?’ Makedon gave a scornful look at his surroundings. ‘Dead Veretians?’ ‘Draw,’ said Damen. ‘This is the Prince’s doing. He has turned you against your own people.’ ‘Don’t speak,’ said Damen, ‘unless it’s in contrition, before I kill you.’ ‘I won’t pretend remorse for Veretian dead.’ Makedon drew.

damen doesn’t care that they’re on the same team. teams don’t matter, people do.

The first clash sent Makedon staggering back. The second ripped his sword out of his hands. The third came, death in steel shearing through Makedon’s neck. ‘Stop!’ Laurent’s voice cut across the fight, ringing with unmistakable command. Makedon was gone. Laurent was there instead. Laurent had wrenched Makedon backwards to hit the dirt, and Damen’s sword was driving towards Laurent’s exposed neck. If Damen had not obeyed, his whole body reacting to that ringing command, he would have severed Laurent’s head from his body. But the instant that he heard Laurent’s order, instinct reacted, wrenching every sinew. His sword stopped a hair’s breadth from Laurent’s neck.

this continued reversal between damen and laurent is fascinating. laurent as the defender, damen as the ruthless attacker. laurent acting as damen’s impulse control.

and of course there’s the lingering thread of submission. is this an example of honorable submission? damen’s immediate response to laurent’s command, in this context? this is the most interesting theme to me in the series overall, so i definitely want to keep chewing on it

The steel slid against the fine skin of Laurent’s neck. ‘Another inch and you rule two kingdoms,’ said Laurent. ‘Get out of my way, Laurent.’ Damen’s voice ground in his throat. ‘Look around you. This attack is cold-blooded planning, designed to discredit you with your own people. Does Makedon think like that?’ ‘He killed at Breteau. He wiped out a whole village at Breteau, just like this.’ ‘That was retaliation for my uncle’s attack on Tarasis.’ ‘You would defend him?’ said Damen. Laurent said, ‘Anyone can notch a belt.’ His grip tightened on his sword, and for a moment he wanted it to cut into Laurent. The feeling rose in him, thick and hot. He slammed the sword back into its sheath. His eyes raked Makedon, who was breathing unevenly, looking from one to the other of them. They had been speaking quickly, in Veretian.

god i love damen and laurent. they match each other’s freak in every sense of the expression. it doesn’t matter if they’re enemies or lovers—they’ve always been a perfect team. even in arles, very early on, they fit naturally together. strategically and otherwise.

also, the combination of spoken intimacy through exclusive language, physical intimacy of near-killing, emotional intimacy of damen obeying laurent’s command by instinct, all while VERY VERY public, is just incredible. they do that exact dynamic so well, in so many different instances. even their very first interaction fits into that three-part description: “i speak your language…” (spoken intimacy), laurent knowing damen’s identity and punishing him violently (physical intimacy), damen immediately being down bad even if he doesn’t want to admit it (emotional intimacy).

Damen said, ‘He just saved your life.’ ‘I should give him my thanks?’ Makedon said it, sprawled in the dirt. ‘No,’ said Laurent, in Akielon. ‘If it were left to me, you’d be dead. Your blunders play into my uncle’s hands. I saved your life because this alliance needs you, and I need this alliance to overthrow my uncle.’

of course, the reversal can only go so far. this is a great reminder of laurent’s nice == good mentality, which contrasts with damen’s perspective at the beginning of the series (and still kinda now).

laurent knows that makedon is a possible impediment to his strategic success, and that makedon hates veretians. laurent knows that makedon doesn’t care about the victims here, which almost certainly pisses him (laurent) off, just as it enrages damen. but laurent still steps in to save makedon from damen, despite his moral agreement with the idea of makedon’s death. and laurent explains, openly, that he’s not keeping makedon alive to be nice or merciful—he’s doing it because it’s smart, and he has to be smart to do the actual good thing here, which is overthrowing the regent. that’s a distinctly veretian approach to the situation, and it’s decidedly NON-akielon in its blunt and irreverent honesty. it’s mean, and it’s good.

He wondered if the Regent felt the same furious determination that he did. He wondered how he could be confident that he could deliver cruelty like this, over and over again, without consequences.

i’m sure plenty of people wondered the same of your father, damen. i’m sure laurent wondered the same of you when you killed his brother.

He heard footsteps approaching, and let them draw up beside him. He wanted to say to Laurent, I always thought I knew what it felt like to fight your uncle. But I didn’t. Until today, it was never me he was fighting. He turned to say it.

the irony here, of course, being that the “i always thought” is more an accidental admission of ignorance, than a claim that things happened outside of damen’s perception. as in, people have definitely manipulated damen like this before—jokaste and kastor, for example—but damen has always been very used to a life where he can get away with conveniently ignoring the consequences of others’ deceptions. and this suits him just fine, because he doesn’t like to feel betrayed or alone.

this kind of convenient ignorance is something that laurent was not able to have after auguste’s death, and i think he would prefer not to have it, given his hypervigilance. damen is hypervigilant in his own way, too, but his vigilance manifests as denial to protect himself and preserve his relationships, while laurent’s vigilance manifests as overthinking every single aspect of a situation and isolating himself from anyone who could hurt him (so, anyone at all).

The indoor training arena at Marlas was a long, wood-panelled room, eerily similar to the training arena at Arles, with packed sawdust floors and a thick wooden post at one end.

they just visited the place where damen hurt laurent the most by killing his brother. now we get to visit somewhere that reminds them of the place where laurent hurt damen the most, while “avenging” his brother.

It was good to push; hard. To feel exertion in every sinew, to gather every muscle to a single task. He needed the feeling of grounding and certainty amid these repellent tactics, these deceptions, these men who fought with words and shadows and treachery. He fought, until he was only his body, the burn of flesh, the pounding of blood, the hot slick of sweat, until everything concentrated into one simple focus, the power of heavy steel, that could bring death. In the moment when he paused—stopped—there was only silence and the sound of his own breath. He turned. Laurent was standing in the doorway, watching him.

so good. gorgeous prose here. yet another very subtle but realistic-feeling ptsd moment, with the way he’s channeling his emotions. and i love how he stops short of “killing” just as he’d done with laurent, and hadn’t done with auguste, to immediately realize laurent is watching him. that, combined with the setting and warmup in marlas, sets this up well as the scene where they Finally Deal With The Auguste Problem.

… in their own bizarre lamen-y way, of course.

He didn’t know how long Laurent had been there. He had been practising now for an hour or longer. Sweat sheened his skin, his muscles oiled with it. He didn’t care. He knew they had unfinished business. As far as he was concerned, it could stay unfinished. ‘If you’re this angry,’ said Laurent, ‘you should fight a real opponent.’ ‘There’s no one—’ Damen stopped, but the unspoken words hung, dangerous with the truth. There was no one good enough to fight him. Not in this mood. In this mood, angry and unable to hold back, he would kill them. ‘There’s me,’ said Laurent.

you know what, if this is what it takes for you two idiots to have an actual conversation, then fine. squash the beef, literally

as previously mentioned, at some point i want to do a “here’s what you missed on glee” recap of what i think laurent has been experiencing during the divorce era. but, preview, i think that this scene is coming after a personal offscreen turning point for laurent. he has decided that he’s ready to confront the fact that damen killed auguste, in the most fucked-up laurentian way possible, which is to challenge damen to a fight and try to put himself in his brother’s position. this, just like “let’s fuck,” is a kind of weaponized vulnerability. it’s not quite masochistic, but more a challenge to himself—“you’ve spent years loathing yourself, protecting yourself through performative cruelty, sacrificing your sweetness so you wouldn’t end up the victim. but even after all that, in a fight with the person who ruined your life and killed the brother you worshiped, you still aren’t the stronger man.”

i don’t think laurent knows what will happen after he loses this fight, but i also think that he's reached a point where anything would suck less than what he's been doing. and maybe it would be right, for him to finally lose to the stronger man—because laurent believes deep down that he has always been the weaker man, and always will be, no matter how hard he tries to change that. and what better way is there to prove that to himself, than fighting damen as hard as he can, while knowing that he can't possibly win? hell, maybe laurent would just rather die trying to win, than to admit defeat, and this is a way to kind of satisfy that dangerous urge. in a way, dying before a loss means you’re not actually losing. but i’m not sure laurent even thinks he deserves the mercy of death before defeat—especially not when auguste’s death was his defeat.

It was a bad idea. He felt the thrumming in his veins that told him it was a bad idea.

olivia rodrigo wrote a song about this exact situation

He watched Laurent draw a sword of his own from the wall. He remembered watching Laurent’s sword work in his duel against Govart, his own fingers itching to pick up a sword. He remembered other things too. The tug he had felt on his gold collar from the leash in Laurent’s hand. The fall of the lash on his back. The driving fist of a guard as he was thrown down onto his knees. He heard his own voice, thick and heavy. ‘You want me to put you on your back in the dirt?’

this homoerotic swordfight is a masterpiece. i want to pick it apart as lovingly and closely as i would a sex scene. because, like, from what i can remember… this is not not a sex scene. they just don’t actually fuck about it.

exhibit a: “you want me to put you on your back in the dirt?” they’re totally going to be speaking in innuendo this whole time.

‘You think you can?’

laurent, you know he can

Laurent had cast his sword-sheath to the side. It lay disregarded in the sawdust as he calmly stood with an open blade.

dramatic bitch. if he had a cloak he’d throw that too.

Damen hefted his own sword in his hand. He was not feeling careful. He had warned Laurent. That was advance notice enough.

this is a dance sequence, a fight sequence, and a sex sequence to me. horny angry tango. and this time, compared to other times they’ve fought/argued/fucked, damen is not holding back. this is indicated by the line “he was not feeling careful,” which contradicts with his feelings during the sex scene(s) in prince’s gambit, in which damen was extremely careful.

He attacked, a ringing three-stroke sequence that Laurent countered, circling so that his back was no longer to the door, but to the length of the training arena.

i’m trying so hard to clearly envision this in my mind. here, it sounds like we basically get an evasive twirl from laurent, which tracks. also not beating the dancing allegations

When Damen attacked again, Laurent used the space behind him, moving back.

it was a strategic twirl, too, putting him in a position where he had more space

And further back. Damen quickly grasped that he was progressing through the same set of experiences that had derailed Govart: expecting the fight to be more straightforward than it was, and finding that instead Laurent was difficult to pin down.

his almost immediate realization of this makes him a much more formidable opponent

Laurent’s blade teased, slipping away without follow-through. Laurent enticed, then stepped back.

NOT BEATING THE DANCING ALLEGATIONS. love the image of damen kinda just waving the sword around like a wand, just to tease at the idea of actually using it but obviously not intending to follow through, and then further distancing himself from his opponent. it’s a goading move, although i like the author’s word “entice” more because it’s sexier

It was irritating.

damen occasionally makes funny understatements like this, and they always make me smile

Laurent was a good swordsman, who was not exerting himself. Tap, tap, tap. They had by now travelled almost the full length of the training area, and were drawing alongside the post. Laurent���s breathing was undisturbed.

working the space, having fun, laurent isn’t even breaking a sweat

The next time Damen engaged, Laurent ducked and swung around the post, so that he had the length of the training area again at his back.

dancing around the thematically relevant post. nice one laurent. also if his strategy is just kinda leading damen from one side of the room to the other, then turning on his heel and repeating the process until damen reveals a weak spot, that is sooooooo legend of zelda boss fight coded of him

‘Are we just going to go up and down? I thought you’d push me at least a little,’ said Laurent.

another innuendo! and not just for flirting’s sake, or even for flirting sake’s at all—i think it’s almost entirely strategic, meant to fluster damen and expose his vulnerabilities. laurent is giving this everything he has, so it would make sense for him to play dirty.

Damen unleashed a strike, full strength and with brutal speed, giving Laurent no time to do anything but bring up his sword. He felt blade catch blade with a screech of metal, and watched the force of the impact travel through Laurent’s wrists and shoulders, watched it wrench the sword almost out of his hands, and throw him, satisfyingly, out of a balanced stance to stagger three paces back. ‘You mean like that?’ said Damen.

damen doesn’t really get it, but he’s giving laurent exactly what he’s asking for. a real fight, just like the one he gave auguste. or maybe he does get it, in some way.

Laurent recovered well, moving back another step. He was looking at Damen with narrowed eyes. There was something different in his posture, a new wariness.

laurent realizes that damen is not treating him carefully, as he’s done in the past. and that damen is formidable in more than just a physical sense—laurent doesn’t like the fact that damen might be thinking about why laurent is doing this, or what he wants to get out of it. he wants damen to attack him impersonally, simply, without playing dirty or guessing his strategies. because again, that’s how damen had fought auguste. but annoyingly, laurent knows that damen could never really deliver that experience, because he knows laurent so well.

‘I thought I’d let you go up and down a few times,’ said Damen, ‘before I take you.’

(the innuendo here has me SMIRKING!!! i like “uncareful” damen, honestly, and this is a great example of him giving laurent a taste of his own medicine.)

‘I thought you were down here because you couldn’t take me.’

i thiiiink this roughly translates to “i thought you came to this training room to exercise away your feelings about the fact that we’re not fucking right now,” which again, is laurent trying to hit a sore spot so he can take the opportunity to attack

This time when Damen attacked, Laurent put his whole body into weathering it, and as one blade raked shudderingly down the length of the other, he came up under Damen’s guard, so that Damen was forced into a startled defence and only with a flurry of steel flung him back.

ooh love this, laurent literally going down beneath their clashed swords to attack, only barely fought off by damen

‘You are good,’ said Damen, hearing the pleased sound of his own voice. Laurent’s breathing was showing a little exertion now, and that pleased Damen too.

god this is so hot when is it my turn (also, does this count as praise kink? because to me it counts as praise kink)

He pressed forward, not allowing Laurent time to disengage or recover.

yeah that would be the move, since laurent keeps disengaging and recovering. take away that option and he’ll have to resort to less familiar or effective tactics

Laurent was forced to bring all his strength to bear to block his attacks, the barrage jarring down Laurent’s wrist to his forearm and shoulder. Consistently now, Laurent was parrying two-handed.

paschal is going to be pissed about the damage to laurent’s shoulder. but it makes all the sense in the world, given laurent’s presumed mindset coming into this scene, that he would embrace the impact of blocking these attacks. the pain just means he’s really giving it his all.

Parrying, and countering in a deadly flash. He was agile and could turn on a hair, and Damen found himself drawn in, engrossed.

this is the hottest scene in the series so far. like yes babygirl i am engrossed by your competency. keep parrying and countering i love to see it

He did not attempt to force Laurent into mistakes—yet—that would come later. Laurent’s swordsmanship was fascinating, like a puzzle made up of filigree strands, complicated, delicately woven but without obvious openings.

SCREAMING WHAT DID I JUST SAYYYYY!!! the cockiness is AWESOME, the fact that damen so clearly knows he’s in control here, for the entire duration of the fight (“that would come later,”) but is basically just allowing laurent to try his hardest because it’s engrossing and admirable and damen wants to see more of it!!!!!

(when is it my turn to be fascinatingly and attractively skilled to a person who i find equally attractive, fascinating, and skilled. ANYWAY)

It almost seemed a shame to win the fight.

SDFUYDFGSYUFG this is my shit i am foaming at the mouth this is basically dirty talk to me

Damen disengaged, walking a circle around his opponent as he gave him space to recover. Laurent’s hair was starting very slightly to darken with sweat and his breath was quick. Laurent shifted his grip on his sword minutely, flexing his wrist.

hot. he’s giving laurent space to recover, space that he himself doesn’t need. he’s just kind of circling in the meantime, enjoying the sight of laurent in this state. this is not at all how damen would have fought auguste at marlas. and laurent’s definitely breaking a sweat now >:)

(yes this sucks from laurent’s perspective but at least damen gets to have some fun. and laurent is probably having a little fun, maybe, at least for the first part of the fight. damen’s cockiness is probably attractive, frustrating, and devastating in equal measure—this isn’t what laurent wanted from his brother’s killer damianos, but it’s also not not what laurent wants from his divorce husband damen.)

‘How’s your shoulder?’ Damen said. ‘My shoulder and I,’ said Laurent, ‘are waiting to be shown a real fight.’

god they’re perfect for each other. they really do match each other’s freak so well. i’m obsessed with them.

Laurent swept his blade up, ready for the attack. It satisfied Damen to force some real sword work from him.

implying that the stuff earlier wasn’t real 😭

Damen drove into those exquisite counters, forcing them into patterns that he half remembered.

i love how even as damen is cocky and realistic about the odds, he isn’t insulting or demeaning towards laurent. he is DELIGHTED and FASCINATED by the way laurent is engaging in this fight. it’s not about who’s stronger or weaker to damen—he just can’t stop being amazing by laurent being laurent.

(which is, of course, the opposite of where laurent’s mind currently is. he’s assuming that damen is judging him for not being good enough, he’s focused entirely on who’s stronger and who’s weaker, and every second he spends not winning is a reason to hate himself just a little more. wish i could say that wasn’t deeply relatable, but—)

Laurent was not Auguste. He was cast from a different mould physically, with a more dangerous calibre of mind. Yet there was a resemblance: the echo of a similar technique, a similar style; perhaps learned from the same master, perhaps the result of the younger brother emulating the older in the training yard.

damen knows that this is about auguste in some way to laurent. or maybe he’s just making that comparison as a matter of observation to help himself determine the right tactics. tbh i think it’s the second thing, i don’t think damen’s mind is in the “i wonder how laurent thinks and feels about this” state right now, as supported by the “he wasn’t careful” line

He could feel it between them as he could feel everything between them. The deceptive sword work that was too much like the traps that Laurent laid for everyone, the lies, the prevarications, the avoidance of a straightforward fight in favour of tactics that used those around him to achieve his ends; like a consignment of slaves; like a village of innocents.

well, yes and no! the consignment of slaves is an akielos and kastor thing. so is destroying the village of innocents, like laurent is patently against that and showed great empathy and straightforward care towards the victims. but like i said earlier, damen is still somewhere between denial and acceptance when it comes to his own hypocrisy re: akielos and his family. so this thought makes sense for him to have.

(it is also kind of ironic that laurent in this scene has been entirely straightforward, not deceptive at all. he wanted a real fight, simple as that. and because it’s a real fight, he’s using every possible trick and trap to win.)

He swept Laurent’s blade out of the way, slammed the hilt of his sword into Laurent’s stomach, then threw Laurent down, his body landing hard enough on the sawdust to knock the wind out of his lungs. ‘You can’t beat me in a real fight,’ said Damen.

i am so in sync with this scene right now i love it.

also, this scene being set in a room like the one where laurent had damen flogged is PERFECT. especially since in that instance, laurent had made someone else do his dirty work, hadn’t even physically overpowered or hurt damen himself. this is a real fight, one that laurent knew back then that he would lose. he could only “defeat” damen if he tied him up and had another person hit him. laurent knows that now, too, and asked for this fight anyway. because he’s an emotionally volatile 20 year old who was raised in a culture of violence and lives in a fantasy world where therapists don’t exist.

i’d call laurent a masochist for this kind of behavior, but i honestly think it would be more accurate to call him a sadist towards himself.

His sword pointed to the line of Laurent’s Adam’s apple. Laurent was sprawled on his back with spread legs and one knee raised. His fingers slid into the sawdust beneath him. His chest was rising and falling under the thin shirt. The tip of Damen’s sword travelled from his throat down to his delicate belly. ‘Yield,’ he said.

HOT.

(although i did immediately clock the sawdust thing in the first readthrough. very catra-coded strategy)

A burst of darkness and grit exploded in his vision; Damen squeezed his eyes shut reflexively and shifted his sword point back a critical half-inch as Laurent whirled his arm and flung a handful of sawdust into his face. When Damen’s eyes opened, Laurent had rolled, and come up holding his sword.

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

It was a juvenile boy’s trick that had no place in a man’s fight.

“man’s fight” isn’t a thing. either you’re trying to win or you’re not trying to win. no fight’s ever fair, someone’s always stronger.

Wiping the sawdust away with his forearm, Damen looked across at Laurent, who was breathing hard and wearing a new expression. ‘You fight with the tactics of a coward,’ said Damen. ‘I fight to win,’ said Laurent.

maybe if auguste had fought less honorably, laurent thinks, my brother would still be alive, and damianos would be dead.

‘Not well enough for that,’ said Damen.

… but maybe not.

(laurent wouldn’t think that part. that’s just me, pointing out that even if auguste had fought like laurent, he still would have lost. which is, i’m pretty sure, the main point of this scene.)

The look in Laurent’s eyes was the only warning before Laurent swung at him with killing force..

laurent is not happy to realize that auguste would have died no matter what tactics he used, because it makes auguste the weaker man. and even though laurent knows there’s no way he could come out of this stronger than damen, he’d rather go down fighting than accept defeat. which, if you really think about it, is what he’s been doing with his uncle for the past few years in arles—just in a less straightforward way.

Damen swerved sideways and abruptly back, brought his sword up and still found himself giving ground. There was a moment of pure concentration, edged silver all around him that he must focus on completely.

no more cockiness or amusement. he’s taking this a lot more seriously now, because i think he’s figuring out that this means something pretty serious to laurent, despite his innuendos and attitude earlier in the fight

Laurent was attacking with everything he had. There were no more elegant engagements, no more insouciant parries. Being thrown onto his back had broken some barrier in Laurent, and he was fighting with open emotion in his eyes.

this, too, is a sex parallel. and an intimacy/vulnerability parallel, in general.

also, the image of laurent here is just kinda heartbreaking. but it’s also very, very cathartic, and i think it’s good for laurent’s development that he experiences this fight in such an intense and visceral way.

And with exhilaration, Damen met the onslaught, took on Laurent’s best sword work, and began, step by step, to drive him back.

now it’s almost methodical, dutiful. like defusing a bomb

And this—it was nothing like Auguste, who had called to his men to stand back.

i’ve already said what i would say again here (re: laurent fighting dirty as a test of auguste’s chances if he’d done the same), so i’ll just say “FUCK YEAH LAURENT” instead. he is hell-bent on winning this impossible fight and that shit is real

Laurent’s sword cut through a holding rope and Damen had to push away before the shelf of mounted armoury it supported came crashing down on his head. Laurent shoved at a bench with his leg and sent it careening into Damen’s path. The armour that had spilled from the wall onto the sawdust became an obstacle course to force uneven footwork.

YESSSSS use the environment to your advantage!

(i should probably mention that fight scenes are some of my very favorite things to write. especially when they include parallel emotional arcs, banter, and improvised weapons/obstacles. and gay people. so.)

Laurent was throwing everything at him, drawing every part of their surroundings desperately into the fight. And he was still unable to hold ground.

doesn’t matter, he’s still fighting. sorry this isn’t really analysis anymore it’s just me relating to/projecting onto laurent. i’m cheering that bitch on to the very end

At the post, Laurent ducked instead of parrying, and Damen’s sword swung hard through thin air and then thunked into the wooden beam, lodging there so deeply that he had to let go the hilt and duck a swing of his own before he could pull it out.

the post again! kind of embarrassing for laurent, that yet again it’s the post that keeps him safe from damen’s retaliation, instead of anything he himself is able to do

In those seconds, Laurent bent, snatched up a knife that had scattered from one of the overturned benches and threw it, with deadly accuracy, at Damen’s throat. Damen knocked it out of the air with his sword and kept advancing.

god this scene is so fucking good. the pacing is perfect. i can see it so clearly. the rising desperation is conveyed so well, especially from damen’s pov where he’s just describing laurent’s actions and reactions

He attacked and steel met steel, sliding all the way up to the tang. Laurent’s shoulder shuddered, and Damen pressed harder, forcing Laurent’s sword from his hand.

and it’s the shoulder injury that finally does laurent in. the direct result of his own weakness against another stronger man.

He slammed Laurent into the panelled wall. Laurent made a sound of raw, guttural frustration as his teeth clicked together and the breath was knocked out of him. Damen pressed in, jammed his forearm to Laurent’s neck and cast his own sword aside as Laurent’s outflung hand dragged a knife from its hanging display on the wall and brought it driving towards Damen’s unprotected side.

i think laurent is fighting to kill at this point, like not really in his right mind. side note, why is this more intimate and cathartic to me than the sex scene. you don’t have to answer that.

‘No you don’t,’ said Damen, and with his free hand caught Laurent’s wrist and knocked it hard against the wall, once, twice, until Laurent’s fingers opened and he dropped the knife.

SUCH a good choice of dialogue. chastising, but not punishing. unthreatened, but not condescending. a perfect summation of how damen approaches these kinds of clashes with laurent, in a way that laurent cannot fully see or understand. damen doesn’t need to be the stronger man here, and he isn’t judging or demeaning laurent for his weakness. he is as earnest in combat as he is in bed—and with laurent, he wants them both to feel like winners. submission to damen, in his case, is honorable—laurent can lose and yield, and damen will not think any less of him. but to laurent, yielding to this defeat is basically the most mortifying thing he could possibly do, because he doesn’t believe that someone like damen could be real.

… or maybe, laurent is just unwilling to allow someone like damen—someone truly honorable and supportive, whose strength inspires laurent rather than threatens him—to matter to him in a way that’s real. because the last person like that in laurent’s life got killed in a “fair” fight, by the same person who laurent is fighting now. who, by laurent’s admission, shares those qualities with auguste. and as a result of auguste’s death, the loss of a person who mattered deeply to laurent, who laurent trusted to protect him… well, it makes sense that current-day laurent would be so afraid of letting someone ever matter to him, or protect him again. laurent only wants to need himself to survive, but that means putting a lot of pressure on himself to always be the stronger man. which he just isn't, sometimes. most of the time, really, unless he gets pretty creative about his approach.

no wonder it's the game laurent likes. games are among the few things he's confident he can win.

Laurent’s whole body thrashed against him then, trying to wrench from his hold, a moment of violent animal struggle that pushed their hot, sweat-dampened bodies together.

… but this isn’t a game—it’s a real fight, just as promised. and laurent lost.

Damen rode it out—shoved them both in against the wall—tightly enough to prohibit movement, but Laurent punched him in the throat with his free arm, hard enough that he choked and shifted, and then, with all the hard violence in him, Laurent drove his knee in.

okay, he hasn’t lost yet. carry on. i like how one of laurent’s last-ditch efforts here is kneeing his attacker in the groin, given his history with people making him feel weak and defeated through sexual assault/harassment.

Blackness exploded across his vision, but fighter’s instinct pushed through it. He dragged Laurent away from the wall and flung him to the ground, where Laurent hit, body impacting hard on the sawdust. It knocked the wind out of Laurent for a moment, but he was already pushing himself dazedly up, his eyes venomous on Damen’s. Laurent was going for the knife again, his fingers closing around it, too late.

it’s great that we got the laurent pov interrogation scene before this. in that scene he didn’t break, he was pretty much in emotional control of himself the entire time. but in this scene, he is sloppy and desperate and unable to hide that from damen, who doesn’t even want to hurt him. this is way harder for laurent to approach with detachment and pragmatism, and at this point he’s pretty much just broken and doing whatever he can to not lose

‘That’s enough,’ said Damen, driving his knee hard into Laurent’s stomach, then throwing him onto his back and following him down. He had Laurent’s wrist in his grip, and he slammed it back against the sawdust, so that Laurent released the knife. His body was an arc over Laurent’s, pinning Laurent with his weight, with his hands on Laurent’s wrists, Laurent taut beneath him. He could feel the hot rise and fall of Laurent’s chest. He tightened his grip.

it’s very precise here, how damen intentionally overpowers and restrains laurent, but does it in a way that tries to minimize the pain laurent experiences. again, it’s like he’s defusing a bomb, not defeating an opponent. he still, ultimately, cares the most about physically treating laurent well. it’s become pretty obvious that laurent isn’t just trying to harm damen here, and damen doesn’t want to see laurent harm himself either. it’s not a fun game anymore. damen doesn’t want to enable it. “that’s enough.”

the fact that these two need a safe word just to spar… tbh they’d probably benefit from a safe word for just like. existing near each other

Finding himself with no way out from under Damen’s body, Laurent made a last, desperate sound, and only then finally went still, panting, his eyes furious with bitterness and frustration. They were both panting. Damen could feel the resistance in Laurent’s body. ‘Say it,’ said Damen. ‘I yield.’ It was gritted out. Laurent’s head turned away to one side.

it’s almost like laurent is offering damen his jugular. like “you win, you might as well finish the job, because i don’t want to be alive to deal with the implications of this”

‘I want you to know,’ he said, the words thick and heavy as they pushed out of him, ‘that I could have done this any time when I was a slave.’

this line is hot and idk, self righteous, but damen you could not have chosen a WORSE time or place for a comment like this. you just made laurent confront that he’s weak, and now you’re telling him that he’s always been weak, and he’s only been spared because you’ve chosen not to use your power over him. you’re saying this to the dude whose brother you killed. damen.

Laurent said, ‘Get off me.’ He thrust himself away. Laurent was the first to lever himself off the floor. He stood with his hand on the post for support. Flecks of sawdust were clinging to his back. ‘You want me to say it? That I could never have beaten you?’ Laurent’s voice twisted up. ‘I could never have beaten you.’

laurent is projecting, making this about what damen wants, when it was very clearly laurent who wanted this fight to happen

‘No, you couldn’t have. You’re not good enough. You would have come for revenge, and I would have killed you. That’s how it would have been between us. Is that what you would have wanted?’

peak damen “are you done bitching” moment. but also honest and raw, and what laurent ultimately needs to hear. it’s almost a challenge: “would you prefer that relationship between us—strong killer and weak victim—to the one we have now? because if not, maybe it’s time to get your shit together and actually talk to me. because this could be good, if we just put down our weapons.”

‘Yes,’ said Laurent. ‘He was everything I had.’ The words hung between them. ‘I know,’ said Laurent, ‘that I was never good enough.’ Damen said, ‘Neither was your brother.’ ‘You’re wrong. He was—’ ‘What?’ ‘Better than I am. He would have—’ Laurent cut himself off. He pressed his eyes closed, with a breath of something like laughter. ‘Stopped you.’ He said it as though he could hear the ludicrousness of it.

a breakthrough. laurent forced to confront the fallacy of his own self-loathing. this is really well-written cooldown and culmination of things i have previously analyzed.

Damen picked up the discarded knife, and when Laurent’s eyes opened, he put it in Laurent’s hand. Braced it. Drew it to his own abdomen, so that they stood in a familiar posture. Laurent’s back was to the post. ‘Stop me,’ said Damen. He could see it in Laurent’s expression, as he fought an internal battle with his desire to use the knife.

love this echo of previous moments. this really is a question of “are we putting down our weapons or not”

He said, ‘I know what that feels like.’ ‘You’re unarmed,’ said Laurent. So are you.

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

pacat chooses very few moments to be this on the nose about something, and as a result they really really hit He didn’t say it. It didn’t make any sense. He felt the moment changing. His grip on Laurent’s wrist was changing. The knife thudded to the sawdust. He forced himself to step back before it happened. He was staring at Laurent from two paces away, his breathing roughened, and not from exertion. Around them, the training arena was strewn with the disorder of their fight: benches overturned, armour pieces scattered across the floor, a banner half torn from the wall. Damen said, ‘I wish—’ But he couldn’t speak the past away, and Laurent wouldn’t thank him if he did. He took up his sword and left the hall.

this was a hard scene for damen too. they really are just in this mushy, messy place, which is better than complete contempt and avoidance, but still difficult to navigate. but it does feel like a step, for their individual development as their development as a partnership.

[pourcap]

thoughts: kr chapter 14

Damen spent two fruitless hours with Nikandros trying to plot a course (...), until Laurent wandered in and outlined a plan so outrageous that Damen had said yes with the feeling that his mind was splitting apart. how much pleasure do you think laurent got out of damen going with his plan instead of nikandros'?

(...) the young, triple-crowned Pallas, Lazar, who had whistled at him, (...) i would like a pallas x lazar spinoff

(...) Damen tried not to think too deeply about the reasons why Laurent thought it necessary to bring a physician. i reread chapter 13 and honestly i wouldn't be surprised if damen was worried about injury while laurent was planning for something else, like jokaste said: "he has his own plans." idk what he's expecting to happen but maybe the 'outrageous plan' and paschal being with them means more? ugh no idea

(...) ‘I see. My wife is the leverage for my good behaviour?’ ‘That’s right,’ said Laurent. is it just me or is easily admitting to something not really characteristic of laurent? i want to know how he said it. was it just "that's right" or was it "that's right" with a glint of "you're so dumb" flickering in his eyes? every chapter i read i think of that one part in book 1 (i think??) where damen tells laurent he doesn't think laurent does anything without ten different motives (that's me paraphrasing obv, i can't remember the exact words :/)

Damen dropped the pitcher. stop

Laurent’s arms were bare. His throat was bare. His collarbone was bare, and most of his thighs, his long legs, and all of his left shoulder. Damen stared at him. horny damen is back!!!! <3333

Laurent sat down. (...) It was even shorter sitting down. he's not even listening, is he?

'Yes. Sorry,’ said Damen. And then: ‘What were you saying?“ lmao i loooove damen so much

They had only twelve soldiers. Twelve-ish, amended Damen, thinking of Paschal and Guion. let me repeat that: i love damen (and his sass)

of course nikandros disagrees. remember when laurent asked damen if he thought nikandros would like him? i guess we all know the answer lol (maybe someday ☻)

'I wish to restate my strong objection,’ said Nikandros. ‘It’s noted,’ said Damen. I LOOOVE DAMEN

Even so, Damen heard himself saying. ‘You can’t just barge in on—’ ‘Open the wagon,’ said the Captain, ignoring him. if only this dude knew who he's really speaking to

also how are they getting out of this lol

Laurent stepped out of the wagon, (...). He said, ‘How did you convince Jokaste to play along with the guards?’ ‘I didn’t,’ said Laurent. no way

He tossed the wad of blue silk in his hands to one of the soldiers to dispose of, then shrugged into his jacket in a rather mannish gesture. IN A RATHER MANNISH GESTURE

laurent is so hot

i'm so sorry but he's literally so hot

"Don't think about it too much,' said Damen. can you believe how far laurent and damen have come? the easy acceptance of each other's personalities, the appreciation for how much they've helped and will continue to help each other by one person making up for what the other lacks, the absence of judgement? and just, in general, how well they know each other by now? i just love them. i love them.

Laurent held out his hand to escort her back from the supply wagon into the main wagon, a bored Veretian gesture. Her eyes had the same bored look as she took his hand. ‘You’re lucky we’re alike,’ she said, stepping down. They looked at one another like two reptiles. i imagine nikandros staring at damen right now and i know exactly what his face would look like

(...) ‘I’ll be swift, and I’ll take our best rider with me.’ ‘That’s me,’ said Laurent, wheeling his horse. i just think they're very sexy

'The undergrowth was thinner when I was a boy.’ ‘Or you were.' stop flirting omg (jk pls go on)

damen constantly thinking about all the nice places he wants to take laurent and the people he wants to introduce him to and the memories he wants to make with him... it's doing things to me. he's so in love. they're so in love. <3

'You left the dress in the wagon,’ said Damen. ‘Thank you, I do have other ways of getting past a sentry.' yay more flirting!

'You’re late,’ said Damen. ‘I brought you a souvenir.’ Laurent tossed Damen an apricot. Damen could feel the quiet exultation of Laurent’s men, while the Akielons looked a little dazed. laurenttttt (i said that with a squeal)

‘Is this how you do things in Vere?’ ‘You mean effectively?’ said Laurent. (...) lauuuureeeennttttt <33333 (he's so cute and i love him and i know damen's competency kink just flared up again but can laurent pls stop needling nikandros lol)

(...) Earlier, Laurent had tossed Damen his bedroll and said, ‘Unpack this,’ and Pallas had almost challenged him to a duel for the insult. (...) imagine if pallas knew even half of all that happened between damen and laurent lol. also it's not like damen is a perfect gentleman but, you know. i appreciate the loyalty (and love pallas)

Damen poured a shallow cup of wine and passed it to the soldier beside him (Pallas), and there was a long silence in which Pallas stood obviously garnering every piece of courage that he had to reach out and take it. damen is so good to his men; i love that he knows pallas meant well, so this is a nice gesture. also, bc it's just impossible to ignore: damen is so hot.

Laurent strolled up to the impasse, threw himself down on the log next to Damen, and in an expressionless voice launched into the story of the brothel adventure that had earned him the blue dress, which was so unabashedly filthy it made Lazar blush, and so funny it had Pallas wiping his eyes. (...) i just got super emotional bc remember when in the beginning of book 2, damen told laurent he needed to bond with his men in a way that wasn't just manipulation and laurent said he didn't have time for that? i love that it's happening now, and has of course been happening for a while, but that laurent is coming more out of his shell and actually enjoying himself now and then.

Pallas did a decent impression of Paschal’s riding. Lazar watched Pallas with lazy admiration. It wasn’t the impression he was admiring. Damen bit into the apricot. 1) i will read all the lazar x pallas fics there are. 2) damen always noticing the soldiers flirting is so funny to me. first jord and aimeric, now these two

laurent and damen lying side by side under the stars ahhhhh

'You smell of horse,’ said Damen. ‘It’s how I got past the dog.' whyyyy am i so emotional? can you believe i'm crying over damen saying laurent smells lol

'You want me wandering around the Akielon countryside naked at night?’ And then, ‘You smell just as much of horse as I do.’ ‘More,’ said Damen. He was smiling. he was smiling !!!! and i am crying now :)

'They’re Artesian. Aren’t they? From the old empire, Artes. They say it used to span both our countries.' bring it back! bring back artes!

Damen heard himself say it. ‘There’s a summer palace in Ios outside the capital. (...)' His pulse beat with uncharacteristic nerves, so that he felt almost shy. ‘When all this is over . . . we could take horses and stay a week in the palace.’ (...) He felt Laurent holding himself carefully, and there was a strange pause. After a moment, Laurent said, softly, ‘I’d like that.’ you know how i just said i was crying? i am sobbing now :) damen and laurent both being shy and cute and in love and full of yearning for peace and happiness 😭 I love them so much 😭

that was such a good chapter :')

[sunymar]

✘: forehead kisses (for the prompts! ❤️)

hi thank you and sorry it took this long!! ☺️☺️❤️❤️

"Damen?"

Damen's eyes snapped open in the darkness. It took him a couple of seconds to remember where they were, and what they were doing there. After a while, Laurent stirred in his arms with a sniffle, and it melted away all remnants of fear in Damen's chest. Damen pulled him closer against his body.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, rubbing wide circles on Laurent's back, then placing a hand on the back of his neck to check his temperature. He was still burning up, but him being awake was already a very good sign.

"I'm cold."

That was to be expected. Halvik had made sure they'd be brought their best furs, but it was still too cold in the tent, even when Damen felt like a furnace himself. He was sweating a lot and so was Laurent, his night shirt shirt damp and sticking to his skin.

"It'll help lowering your fever a little," he said, and despite himself he still allowed Laurent to burrow his head under the furs and tuck his face close to his armpit. He brushed his hair with his fingers soothingly. "It's just one night, and tomorrow we'll go back to the camp. Paschal can take a look at you then."

"I don't need Paschal to take a look at me."

Damen closed his eyes and sighed. "Yes, you do," he said, poking one of Laurent's ribs under the furs. Laurent squirmed. "Actually, I would've appreciated it a lot if you'd let him check on you before coming all the way here on our own. Would've saved me the terrifying experience of seeing you faint in the middle of a political meeting."

"I didn't faint."

Damen tried very hard not to roll his eyes. "Yes you did."

He spent the following five minutes fishing Laurent out from under the furs. Laurent struggled, but he was too weak to resist. Damen pulled their covers down half of Laurent's body, and hushed him when he complained.

"You'll overheat," he chided, pushing back Laurent's hair from his forehead and pressing his lips against it. Hot. If it didn't go down anytime soon, he'd have to take up on Halvik's offer to bring them cold water to try and bring it down in a much less gentle way. "We should've stayed at an inn tonight."

"So you could've asked for a physician for your pet?" Laurent said. "So you could've had a complete stranger come into the room and give you instructions to spread my thighs open so he can comfortably sit between my legs and stick a thermometer in my..."

"We could've just had Paschal stay with us," Damen sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Laurent sniffled and nuzzled his neck now that he'd ruined his fun, sulking in silence. "Paschal wouldn't do that."

"Wouldn't he?"

Damen closed his eyes and tried very, very hard not to think about it. "Sleep, or your fever will get higher, and I'll have to bring you to the nearest river and bring it down myself."

Laurent let out a small sigh, and his breath and his eyelashes tickled Damen's neck when he closed his eyes again. Damen gave his waist a small squeeze, kissed his forehead again, and closed his eyes too. Laurent's breaths started to even out slowly. "I'm sorry I scared you."

Damen smiled against his cheek. "It's okay, now." A pat to his rear. "Sleep."

He had to ask for the cold water not even one hour after that.

[thepastisalreadywritten]

Almost every holiday comes with its own accompanying foodstuff.

For Thanksgiving, it is turkey; for Hanukkah, donuts filled with a thick plug of sweetened jelly, or latkes.

Many Muslims break their Ramadan fast each day with dates; people in Japan greet the New Year with mochi and soba noodles.

Easter treats seem self-evident: chocolate, eggs, chocolate eggs.

But for hundreds of years, the English ate something entirely different at Easter: a sweet, herbal concoction—somewhere between a pancake and an omelette—known as a tansy.

Tansies took their name from the herb tanacetum vulgare, which grows wild across the United Kingdom.

With yellow flowers the shape of flying saucers, it had various charming nicknames, including bitter buttons, cow bitter, and golden buttons.

Recipes for the simplest tansies are short and to the point.

Per a “Mrs. Rendle”:

“Pound a handful of green tansy in a mortar, add the juice to a pint of batter, and bake it.”

As time went on, however, other herbs found their way into the mix.

A recipe in the 1588 Good Housewife’s Handbook used the juice of tansy, feverfew, parsley, and violets, mixed with “the yolkes of eight or tenne eggs, and three or four whites, and some vinegar, and put thereto sugar or salt.”

It was then fried. Essentially, it was a big, flat, slightly sweet pancake, with a faint greenish tinge.

It’s likely that tansies originally had a medicinal purpose. The herb itself was believed to cure various ailments:

One 16th-century medical tract, Treasurie of Health, prescribes it soaked in a pint of wine for “a drinke for them that be hurte or brused,” while another claims that “it is good to dissolve windiness of the stomach and guts, and to kill worms in the belly, expelling them out.

It is also used to provoke urine and to break the stone of the [kidneys].”

(Tansy is now known to be slightly poisonous.)

Its appearance on the Medieval Easter table, therefore, makes some sense. Throughout Lent, Christians endured a long, boring diet of lentils and dried fish.

Tansies, one early recipe claimed, were “good for the stomach, on account of discussing the flatulences generated by eating pulses and fish during Lent.”

In short, they were probably a practical solution to post-Lenten gut squalls.

(But tansies had other, year-round medicinal uses: In the early 19th century, physicians told women with “hysteritis” to place a “tansy pancake” against their abdomens to ease uterine pain.)

But a curious religious element also seems to have linked the herb with the holiday.

Despite commemorating different events, Easter and the Jewish festival of Passover have striking overlap beyond their often-coinciding springtime dates.

The word “paschal,” which derives from the Hebrew Pesach, can refer to either holy day.

In Italian, Easter is Pasqua; in French, it is Pâques.

For English Christians, eating tansy seems to have been a nod to Easter’s ancient roots—with a strange note of anti-Semitism.

In an 1885 Notes and Queries, the scholar Edward Solly traces “the custom of eating tansy pudding and tansy cake at Easter back to the the Jewish custom of eating cakes made with bitter herbs.”

However, to make it clear that this was still a Christian festival, he wrote, "people made a point of eating pork or bacon with the cakes to take from it any Jewish character.”

Although many Lenten dietary rules were relaxed or forgotten during the Reformation, people continued to eat tansies.

Over time, however, they became increasingly decadent.

Many omitted the eponymous herb altogether in favor of ingredients such as ground almonds, rose syrup, bread crumbs, grated nutmeg, brandy, artery-choking quantities of cream and butter—and sometimes all at once.

Tansies transformed from a kind of herbal pancake into something more reminiscent of a sumptuous clafoutis.

Tansies also played an important role in raucous, regional Easter celebrations.

Residents of what is today the northern part of Cumbria would make a “tansy puddin’” on Easter Monday to carry through town to the public bakehouse.

A 1905 glossary to the region’s dialect explains:

“During the day, women carried flour about and threw it at any one whom they passed. Young men would often steal the puddings or pies from the women. The day ended with a supper and dance.”

Held in the church or cathedral, these balls involved “slow, stately dancing, … solemn chanting,” a religious service, and the distribution of tansies with a rich, rum sauce.

These were called “tansy neets” or “tansy suppers,” and culminated with young men slipping the fiddler a shilling at the end of the night.

By the early 20th century, however, people were speaking of these puddings and traditions as vestiges of the past.

Tansies and tansy neets vanished from Easter plates and celebrations.

The Easter Adventurer, from 1826, calls tansy “as essential [to the holiday] as pancake to Shrove Tuesday, furmity to Midlent Sunday, or goose to Michaelmas day.”

Today, those holidays and their culinary accompaniments are all but forgotten.

And though we celebrate Easter, our chocolate egg hunts and subsequent gluttony would be unrecognizable to any flatulent, flour-throwing, tansy-pinching Easter Monday reveler from centuries past.

[kallistophilles]

15 Prayers of Saint Bridget

"As St. Bridget for a long time wanted to know the number of blows Our Lord received during His Passion, He one day appeared to her and said: 'I received 5480 blows on My Body. If you wish to honor them in some way, say 15 Our Fathers and 15 Hail Marys with the following Prayers (which He taught her) for a whole year. When the year is up, you will have honored each one of My Wounds.'"

First Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus Christ! Eternal Sweetness to those who love Thee, joy surpassing all joy and all desire, Salvation and Hope of all sinners, Who hast proved that Thou hast no greater desire than to be among men, even assuming human nature at the fullness of time for the love of men, recall all the sufferings Thou hast endured from the instant of Thy conception, and especially during Thy Passion, as it was decreed and ordained from all eternity in the Divine plan. Remember, O Lord, that during the Last Supper with Thy disciples, having washed their feet, Thou gavest them Thy Most Precious Body and Blood, and while at the same time Thou didst sweetly console them, Thou didst foretell them Thy coming Passion. Remember the sadness and bitterness which Thou didst experience in Thy Soul as Thou Thyself bore witness saying: "My Soul is sorrowful even unto death." Remember all the fear, anguish and pain that Thou didst suffer in Thy delicate Body before the torment of the crucifixion, when, after having prayed three times, bathed in a sweat of blood, Thou wast betrayed by Judas, Thy disciple, arrested by the people of a nation Thou hadst chosen and elevated, accused by false witnesses, unjustly judged by three judges during the flower of Thy youth and during the solemn Paschal season. Remember that Thou wast despoiled of Thy garments and clothed in those of derision; that Thy Face and Eyes were veiled, that Thou wast buffeted, crowned with thorns, a reed placed in Thy Hands, that Thou was crushed with blows and overwhelmed with affronts and outrages. In memory of all these pains and sufferings which Thou didst endure before Thy Passion on the Cross, grant me before my death true contrition, a sincere and entire confession, worthy satisfaction and the remission of all my sins. Amen.

Second Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! True liberty of angels, Paradise of delights, remember the horror and sadness which Thou didst endure when Thy enemies, like furious lions, surrounded Thee, and by thousands of insults, spits, blows, lacerations and other unheard-of-cruelties, tormented Thee at will. In consideration of these torments and insulting words, I beseech Thee, O my Savior, to deliver me from all my enemies, visible and invisible, and to bring me, under Thy protection, to the perfection of eternal salvation. Amen.

Third Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Creator of Heaven and earth whom nothing can encompass or limit, Thou Who dost enfold and hold all under Thy Loving power, remember the very bitter pain Thou didst suffer when the Jews nailed Thy Sacred Hands and Feet to the Cross by blow after blow with big blunt nails, and not finding Thee in a pitiable enough state to satisfy their rage, they enlarged Thy Wounds, and added pain to pain, and with indescribable cruelty stretched Thy Body on the Cross, pulled Thee from all sides, thus dislocating Thy Limbs. I beg of Thee, O Jesus, by the memory of this most Loving suffering of the Cross, to grant me the grace to fear Thee and to Love Thee. Amen.

Fourth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Heavenly Physician, raised aloft on the Cross to heal our wounds with Thine, remember the bruises which Thou didst suffer and the weakness of all Thy Members which were distended to such a degree that never was there pain like unto Thine. From the crown of Thy Head to the Soles of Thy Feet there was not one spot on Thy Body that was not in torment, and yet, forgetting all Thy sufferings, Thou didst not cease to pray to Thy Heavenly Father for Thy enemies, saying: "Father forgive them for they know not what they do." Through this great Mercy, and in memory of this suffering, grant that the remembrance of Thy Most Bitter Passion may effect in us a perfect contrition and the remission of all our sins. Amen.

Fifth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Mirror of eternal splendor, remember the sadness which Thou experienced, when contemplating in the light of Thy Divinity the predestination of those who would be saved by the merits of Thy Sacred Passion, Thou didst see at the same time, the great multitude of reprobates who would be damned for their sins, and Thou didst complain bitterly of those hopeless lost and unfortunate sinners. Through the abyss of compassion and pity, and especially through the goodness which Thou displayed to the good thief when Thou saidst to him: "This day, thou shalt be with Me in Paradise." I beg of Thee, O Sweet Jesus, that at the hour of my death, Thou wilt show me mercy. Amen.

Sixth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Beloved and most desirable King, remember the grief Thou didst suffer, when naked and like a common criminal, Thou was fastened and raised on the Cross, when all Thy relatives and friends abandoned Thee, except Thy Beloved Mother, who remained close to Thee during Thy agony and whom Thou didst entrust to Thy faithful disciple when Thou saidst to Mary: "Woman, behold thy son!" and to Saint John: "Son, behold thy Mother!" I beg of Thee O my Savior, by the sword of sorrow which pierced the soul of Thy holy Mother, to have compassion on me in all my affliction and tribulations, both corporal and spiritual, and to assist me in all my trials, and especially at the hour of my death. Amen.

Seventh Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Inexhaustible Fountain of compassion, Who by a profound gesture of Love, said from the Cross: "I thirst!" suffered from the thirst for the salvation of the human race. I beg of Thee O my Savior, to inflame in our hearts the desire to tend toward perfection in all our acts; and to extinguish in us the concupiscence of the flesh and the ardor of worldly desires. Amen.

Eighth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Sweetness of hearts, delight of the spirit, by the bitterness of the vinegar and gall which Thou didst taste on the Cross for Love of us, grant us the grace to receive worthily Thy Precious Body and Blood during our life and at the hour of our death, that they may serve as a remedy and consolation for our souls. Amen.

Ninth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Royal virtue, joy of the mind, recall the pain Thou didst endure when plunged in an ocean of bitterness at the approach of death, insulted, outraged by the Jews, Thou didst cry out in a loud voice that Thou was abandoned by Thy Father, saying: "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?" Through this anguish, I beg of Thee, O my Savior, not to abandon me in the terrors and pains of my death. Amen.

Tenth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Who art the beginning and end of all things, life and virtue, remember that for our sakes Thou was plunged in an abyss of suffering from the soles of Thy Feet to the crown of Thy Head. In consideration of the enormity of Thy Wounds, teach me to keep, through pure love, Thy Commandments, whose way is wide and easy for those who love Thee. Amen.

Eleventh Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Deep abyss of mercy, I beg of Thee, in memory of Thy Wounds which penetrated to the very marrow of Thy Bones and to the depth of Thy Being, to draw me, a miserable sinner, overwhelmed by my offenses, away from sin and to hide me from Thy Face justly irritated against me, hide me in Thy Wounds, until Thy anger and just indignation shall have passed away. Amen.

Twelfth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Mirror of Truth, symbol of unity, link of Charity, remember the multitude of wounds with which Thou was covered from head to foot, torn and reddened by the spilling of Thy adorable Blood. O Great and Universal Pain which Thou didst suffer in Thy virginal Flesh for Love of us! Sweetest Jesus! What is there that Thou couldst have done for us which Thou hast not done! May the fruit of Thy sufferings be renewed in my soul by the faithful remembrance of Thy Passion, and may Thy Love increase in my heart each day, until I see Thee in eternity, Thou Who art the treasury of every real good and every joy, which I beg Thee to grant me, O Sweetest Jesus, in Heaven. Amen.

Thirteenth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Strong Lion, Immortal and Invincible King, remember the pain which Thou didst endure when all Thy strength, both moral and physical, was entirely exhausted, Thou didst bow Thy Head, saying: "It is consummated!" Through this anguish and grief, I beg of Thee Lord Jesus, to have mercy on me at the hour of my death when my mind will be greatly troubled and my soul will be in anguish. Amen.

Fourteenth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! Only Son of the Father, Splendor and figure of His Substance, remember the simple and humble recommendation Thou didst make of Thy Soul to Thy Eternal Father, saying: "Father, into Thy Hands I commend My Spirit!" And with Thy Body all torn, and Thy Heart Broken, and the bowels of Thy Mercy open to redeem us, Thou didst Expire. By this Precious Death, I beg of Thee O King of Saints, comfort me and help me to resist the devil, the flesh and the world, so that being dead to the world I may live for Thee alone. I beg of Thee at the hour of my death to receive me, a pilgrim and an exile returning to Thee. Amen.

Fifteenth Prayer

Our Father - Hail Mary

O Jesus! True and fruitful Vine! Remember the abundant outpouring of Blood which Thou didst so generously shed from Thy Sacred Body as juice from grapes in a wine press. From Thy Side, pierced with a lance by a soldier, blood and water issued forth until there was not left in Thy Body a single drop, and finally, like a bundle of myrrh lifted to the top of the Cross Thy delicate Flesh was destroyed, the very Substance of Thy Body withered, and the Marrow of Thy Bones dried up. Through this bitter Passion and through the outpouring of Thy Precious Blood, I beg of Thee, O Sweet Jesus, to receive my soul when I am in my death agony. Amen.

Conclusion

O Sweet Jesus! Pierce my heart so that my tears of penitence and love will be my bread day and night; may I be converted entirely to Thee, may my heart be Thy perpetual habitation, may my conversation be pleasing to Thee, and may the end of my life be so praiseworthy that I may merit Heaven and there with Thy saints, praise Thee forever.

Promises

Our Lord made the following promises to anyone who recited the 15 St. Bridget Prayers for a whole year:

I will deliver 15 souls of his lineage from Purgatory.

15 souls of his lineage will be confirmed and preserved in grace.

15 sinners of his lineage will be converted.

Whoever recites these Prayers will attain in the first degree of perfection.

15 days before his death I will give him My Precious Body in order that he may escape eternal starvation; I will give him My Precious Blood to drink lest he thirst eternally.

15 days before his death he will feel a deep contrition for all his sins and will have a perfect knowledge of them.

I will place before him the sign of My Victorious Cross for his help and defense against the attacks of his enemies.

Before his death I shall come with My Dearest Beloved Mother.

I shall graciously receive his soul, and will lead it into eternal joys.

And having led it there I shall give him a special draught from the fountain of My Deity, something I will not for those who have not recited My Prayers.

Let it be known that whoever may have been living in the state of mortal sin for     30 years, but who will recite devoutly, or have the intention to recite these Prayers, the Lord will forgive him all his sins.

I shall protect him from strong temptations.

I shall preserve and guard his 5 senses.

I shall preserve him from a sudden death.

His soul will be delivered from eternal death.

He will obtain all he asks for from God and the Blessed Virgin.

If he has lived all his life doing his own will and he is to die the next day, his life will be prolonged.

Every time one recites these Prayers he gains 100 days indulgence.

He is assured of being joined to the supreme Choir of Angels.

Whoever teaches these Prayers to another, will have continuous joy and merit which will endure eternally.

There where these prayers are being said or will be said in the future God is present with His grace.

Sources:

https://holyredeemervan.org/pastor-columns/the-15-prayers-of-st-bridget

https://traditionalcatholicprayers.com/2019/10/01/st-bridget-15-prayers/

https://www.ewtn.com/catholicism/library/prayers-of-saint-bridget-9117

[saltroclus]

‘You never told me how you ended up in Laurent’s faction’ ‘I was the Regent’s physician.’ ‘So you ministered to his household.’ ‘And to his boys,’ said Paschal. Damen said nothing. After a moment, Paschal said, ‘Before he died, my brother served in the King’s Guard. I never swore my brother’s oath to the King. But I like to think that I’m carrying it out.’

Another WIP I started 2 hrs ago :)

[laurentshair]

we’re getting a preview of PET in a few days so i’m going all in and betting that its gonna be Paschal’s POV 

[lucky-clover-gazette]

kings rising highlights & annotations

chapter 14

indented text is from the book. some quotes have commentary, some do not. some comments are serious, and some are definitely not. most of them will only make sense to people who have read the series. and, like, there are spoilers. so please read the books first if you're interested!

also: part of the reason i'm doing such a close reading is to study cs pacat's style, especially in terms of how she does romance and erotica. there are "craft notes" that might seem weird, like i'm being redundant or restating something rather than analyzing, but those are more things that i want to remember/take away from the writing!

i'm going to tag these longer posts with "sam reads capri" in case anyone wants to read them all at once.

this is a google doc i wrote with overall content warnings for the captive prince series. it's not perfect, but i do think it's important to include.

Because he couldn't put Jokaste in a sack and carry her bodily across the border into Kastor’s territory, the journey presented certain logistical challenges.

In order to justify two wagons and an entourage, they would be pretending to be cloth merchants. This disguise was not going to stand up to any serious scrutiny.

well, actually...

Laurent wandered in and outlined a plan so outrageous that Damen had said yes with the feeling that his mind was splitting apart.

i’ve said the thing about laurent and tabletop rpgs before but UGH. he’d be living his best life

Jord who had won short sword, Lydos of the trident, Aktis the spear thrower, the young, triple-crowned Pallas, Lazar, who had whistled at him,

i like how everyone has qualifications except for lazar, whose identifying quality is that he is gay

Laurent’s addition to the expedition was Paschal, and Damen tried not to think too deeply about the reasons why Laurent thought it necessary to bring a physician.

LMAOOOOO

And if the worst happened, Guion’s testimony had the potential to bring down the Regency. Laurent had said all of this succinctly, and told Guion, in a pleasant voice, ‘Your wife can chaperone Jokaste on the journey.’

wait does damen not even know what the testimony is? iirc guion told it to laurent off the page, after the chair scene. is it the thing about the regent killing the former king, or was that paschal’s piece of the trial? do both of them say it? whatever, the trial stuff is fun but i’m not that determined to work it all out ahead of time. it was a lot more rewarding to that with laurent’s perspective, especially earlier on, but ehhhh here i’m going to take it easy

Guion had understood more quickly than Damen.

shocking (sorry damen)

‘I see. My wife is the leverage for my good behaviour?’ ‘That’s right,’ said Laurent.

when does loyse talk to laurent? does she ever, or does she just speak at the trial uncalled for? guess we’ll see and i’ll trace back what i think probably led to it

Damen watched from a second-storey window as they gathered in the courtyard: two wagons, two noblewomen, and twelve soldiers of whom ten were soldiers and two were Guion and Paschal in metal hats.

He was waiting for Laurent to arrive in order to discuss the finer points of his ridiculous plan.

Laurent was standing in the doorway wearing a chiton of unadorned white cotton. Damen dropped the pitcher. It shattered, shards flying outward as it slipped from his fingers and hit the stone floor. Laurent’s arms were bare. His throat was bare. His collarbone was bare, and most of his thighs, his long legs, and all of his left shoulder. Damen stared at him. ‘You’re wearing Akielon clothing,’ said Damen. ‘Everyone’s wearing Akielon clothing,’ said Laurent. Damen thought that the pitcher had shattered and he could not now take a deep draught of the wine. Laurent came forward, navigating the broken ceramic in his short cotton and sandalled feet, until he reached the seat beside Damen, where the map was laid out on the wooden table. ‘Once we know the rotation of the patrols, we’ll know when to approach,’ said Laurent. Laurent sat down. ‘We need to approach at the beginning of their rotation in order to give us the most time before they report back to the fort.’ It was even shorter sitting down. ‘Damen.’ ‘Yes. Sorry,’ said Damen. And then: ‘What were you saying?’ ‘The patrols,’ said Laurent.

damen can you PLEASE focus.

(this is part of why the baby thing doesn’t work for me. if this is a lighter comedy interlude, why is the baby meant to be understood as a dire, war-altering problem? and if it is a serious dire situation, why are we getting this moment straight out of a fanfic? i know damen is horny despite the horrors and it’s a treat for the reader, but i guess i’m just built different because this moment really does not do anything for me. although to be fair i think that’s partially just because i’m apparently sensitive to instances of laurent being reduced to his body and sexuality, or at least in a way that he is not aware of—see my chapter 12 analysis for the most blatant example. reminds me of the time last week that my mom said on the phone “you only want people to like you on your own terms,” which is a very accurate and damning statement tbh)

They had only twelve soldiers. Twelve-ish, amended Damen, thinking of Paschal and Guion.

AGAIN?? brutal. also i like the “ish,” it’s a little anachronistic and very charming

Vannes could handle Makedon, Laurent said.

i want more laurent and vannes interaction…

The soldiers only needed to know their own roles in the enterprise, and Damen’s briefing to them was short. But Nikandros was his friend, and he deserved to know how they would get across the border. So he told him Laurent’s plan.

honestly damen i think it would be a mercy not to tell him

‘It’s dishonourable,’ said Nikandros.

nikandros private twitter complaint #13. also akielions don't know what "honor" means

‘I wish to restate my strong objection,’ said Nikandros. ‘It’s noted,’ said Damen.

and there's #14

the awkward mien of his own soldiers, who had had to be schooled multiple times not to call him ‘Exalted’

clearly they did not attend the lamen school of committing to the bit

‘Your reports are wrong. The Lady Jokaste is in that wagon.’ There was a pause. ‘In that wagon.’ ‘That’s right.’ Another pause. Damen, who was telling the truth, looked back at the Captain with the steady gaze he had learned from Laurent. It didn’t work. ‘I’m sure the Lady Jokaste won’t mind answering a few questions.’

he rolled like a 9 for persuasion

He was red-faced and sweating slightly. ‘At the Lady’s request, I will ride with you personally through the last of the checkpoints, to ensure that you are not stopped again.’ ‘Thank you, Captain,’ said Damen, with great dignity.

i love that pacat didn’t tell us what the plan was, so we could worry for a second that they'd already failed. and then, this

‘The stories of Lady Jokaste’s beauty are not exaggerated,’ said the Captain, man-to-man, as they wound their way across the countryside. ‘I expect you to speak of the Lady Jokaste with the greatest respect, Captain,’ said Damen. ‘Yes, of course, my apologies,’ said the Captain.

“that’s my fucking DIVORCE HUSBAND”

He said, ‘How did you convince Jokaste to play along with the guards?’ ‘I didn’t,’ said Laurent. He tossed the wad of blue silk in his hands to one of the soldiers to dispose of, then shrugged into his jacket in a rather mannish gesture. Nikandros was staring at him. ‘Don’t think about it too much,’ said Damen.

i love the way “mannish gesture” is specified. like he can do both. good for him.

(this is sooooo botw/totk link. anyway)

Laurent held out his hand to escort her back from the supply wagon into the main wagon, a bored Veretian gesture. Her eyes had the same bored look as she took his hand. ‘You’re lucky we’re alike,’ she said, stepping down. They looked at one another like two reptiles.

they should be best friends

‘Keep the wagons on course,’ Damen said to Nikandros. ‘I’ll be swift, and I’ll take our best rider with me.’ ‘That’s me,’ said Laurent, wheeling his horse.

“and our horses are canonically in love. just in case you’ve forgotten”

Sweeping a branch out of his face, Damen said, ‘I thought when I was King I wouldn’t be doing this kind of thing again.’ ‘You underestimated the demands of Akielon kingship,’ said Laurent.

i love prince's gambit

‘The undergrowth was thinner when I was a boy.’ ‘Or you were.’

did laurent just call him thicc

‘Stop,’ said Laurent. Damen stopped. Following Laurent’s gaze, he saw a dog lounging on its chain near a small penned field full of horses on the west side of the estate.

me when i want to pet a dog

‘I’ll take care of the sentries,’ said Laurent. ‘You left the dress in the wagon,’ said Damen. ‘Thank you, I do have other ways of getting past a sentry.’

The light through the trees dappled Laurent’s hair, which was longer now than it had been in the palace, and showing signs of minor disarray. It had a twig in it.

how dare that twig mess with laurent’s gorgeous hair!!!

There was no sign of a blond head, but somehow the dog got loose and went streaking through the yard to where the unfamiliar horses were penned.

dog = pet

The spasming excitement of the dog egged them on. As did the sylph-like actions of a ghost, untying ropes, slipping open rails.

laurent is an animal whisperer. that’s a personal headcanon of mine

They probably felt they had the most to lose, but in fact everyone would lose the same thing: their lives. Everyone but Jokaste. She only said, mildly, ‘Trouble at Heston’s?’

i love jokaste. spinoff please

And then he saw the pale head, and the paler white shirt, a lithe figure palming his way from tree trunk to tree trunk. ‘You’re late,’ said Damen. ‘I brought you a souvenir.’ Laurent tossed Damen an apricot. Damen could feel the quiet exultation of Laurent’s men, while the Akielons looked a little dazed. Nikandros passed Laurent his reins. ‘Is this how you do things in Vere?’ ‘You mean effectively?’ said Laurent. And swung up onto his horse.

i’m sad that this series is best known for being horny because i am infinitely more interested in laurent being a snarky action hero than i am in him having sex. and i think lots of other people would be too

Risk of laming was high

i read that as “lamen-ing” at first

Earlier, Laurent had tossed Damen his bedroll and said, ‘Unpack this,’ and Pallas had almost challenged him to a duel for the insult.

Sitting down and eating cheese casually with their King was not something that they knew how to do.

i cannot believe people in the fandom would apparently rather live in akielos than in vere. in akielos, you’re not allowed to acknowledge the humanity of people beneath your class, which as far as i can tell is determined by birth. in vere, people like jord and laurent are homies who mutually respect each other, and you can social climb your way to the high court by giving good head

Laurent strolled up to the impasse, threw himself down on the log next to Damen, and in an expressionless voice launched into the story of the brothel adventure that had earned him the blue dress, which was so unabashedly filthy it made Lazar blush, and so funny it had Pallas wiping his eyes.

i love laurent of vere

‘You smell of horse,’ said Damen. ‘It’s how I got past the dog.’ He felt a throb of happiness, and said nothing, just lay on his back and looked up at the stars. ‘It’s like old times,’ said Damen, though the truth was, he had never really had times like this.

damen are you forgetting prince’s gambit again

‘My first trip to Akielos,’ said Laurent. ‘Do you like it?’ ‘It’s like Vere, with fewer places to have a bath,’ said Laurent.

yeah i’m sure that’s not the sum of his thoughts, but he’s trying to take it easy

‘You want me wandering around the Akielon countryside naked at night?’ And then, ‘You smell just as much of horse as I do.’ ‘More,’ said Damen. He was smiling.

laurent: if you want me to get naked you’re going to have to do it too damen: bet

‘They’re Artesian. Aren’t they? From the old empire, Artes. They say it used to span both our countries.’ ‘Like the ruins at Acquitart,’ said Laurent. He didn’t say, And at Marlas. ‘My brother and I used to play there as boys. Kill all the Akielons and restore the old empire.’ ‘My father had the same idea.’ And look what happened to him. Laurent didn’t say that either.

you just know child laurent used history books and his imagination to construct a sophisticated and complex narrative for him and auguste to play-act

His pulse beat with uncharacteristic nerves, so that he felt almost shy. ‘When all this is over . . . we could take horses and stay a week in the palace.’ Since their night together in Karthas, he hadn’t dared to speak about the future. He felt Laurent holding himself carefully, and there was a strange pause. After a moment, Laurent said, softly, ‘I’d like that.’ Damen rolled onto his back again, and felt the words like happiness as he let himself look up again at the wide sweep of stars.

i think it’s sweet how nervous and awkward they are about admitting the desire to do something this simple, when they’ve had the most complicated and intensely intimate relationship i’ve ever read in fiction

[x-xhiro]

Paschal came into the trial Giuon's wife (i apologize her name slips my mind atm) and Jord? In the narrative Giuon's wife does take a majority of the time to exposed her husband and extention the Regent's character for some justice for her son little avail to the council. Or I'm remembering it wrong?

But some poor explanations. I notice in the narrative when it comes to brothers one is to depicted to be weaker than the other either through their actions (Regent and Kastor try to gain the power that their brothers had) or being told (the Regent call Laurent a coward). And, Paschel might be a coward himself, he is the weaker brother who chose medicine rather than combat. Along with being in a council with little to no expectation that you're going to make it out there alive (I think both jord and him went to stand with Laurent and expected to be executed). Plus, you're a no body, you have no political power or aristocratic title and you're going to be assumed to be part of some treason conspiracy. I think Damen having to urge him makes some sense, especially since it's orders from a king, than him speaking out of line.

Now, for some poor excuses. We don't really have much of Paschel's narrative timeline. We know when he gets the letters from Nicaise, but we have no idea when he reads them. We don't even really know how much free time he has in general since he's the only attending physician to Laurent's army. Or, if there was an event that made him think he should read the letters and that could have been anywhere from challison to before the kingsmeet. We also don't know much about his personality, Damen sees him as stoic but he could have been very shocked about what he read. That causes people to be quiet and keep the information to themselves as reality settles in.

Although I do agree I would like to know more about paschal and how long he decided to hold on the the information. What reasons he had or to what purpose he needed to.

paschal is very interesting morally bc yes he obviously cared about laurent and ended up saving the day but also. this cunt held onto that letter for god knows how long as laurent was being humilliated in a trial entirely rigged against him with the most likely result of a certain painful torture and death and he only revealed the truth when damen begged him to. for a doctor he sure has no goddamn idea where is spine is for like 99% of the series i love it

[luminalunii97]

I knew Paschal the physician was going to be one of my favorite characters, but I didn't know he's going to be our ultimate saviour! I'm weeping!

[sunymar]

could you do 36, 44, or 52 or any combination of them 🥺

26. lifting the other one up & 44. sitting on the other’s lap & 52. gripping thigh

touching prompts - those are all so tasty!!

"It's a sprained ankle," Laurent protests. "Not a broken leg."

"As appealing as it sounds to sit back and relax while you try and dismount balancing your weight on a single leg," Damen says, fighting a smile, "I don't think I feel like seeing you ruin your pretty face in the mud today. I wouldn't like to see a broken nose added to that sprained ankle, either, and I'm sure Paschal would like it even less."

Laurent closes his eyes and takes a very deep breath. Damen allows himself to grin for a second, then feigns concern again when Laurent opens one eye to glare sideways at him from his horse. Damen's eyes must still be glinting with pure joy, though, because Laurent hisses at him, gripping the reins tighter.

"Stop enjoying yourself so much. There's men watching."

"Then come here, Your Majesty. The sooner we get it done, the sooner it will be over."

It takes Laurent yet another five minutes of silent sulking before he finally seems to come to the conclusion that receiving help to dismount would be, by far, much less humiliating that falling on his face in the mud. He lets go of the reins and swings his legs to one side, holding one hand out demandingly for Damen to take.

Damen does, and then he places a hand on Laurent's waist for support as well. Laurent doesn't wait for him to brace himself, he hops down and leaves Damen scrambling to catch him on time. Damen does, of course, but Laurent looks so pleased with himself that Damen has no option but to hoist him up a bit higher in his arms. "...put me down."

"No," Damen says. This time he doesn't bother suppressing his grin. "I think not."

Laurent tries to dig an elbow into his ribs, so, again, Damen is left no choice but to drape him over his shoulder instead. Laurent makes the mistake of squirming once, a single time, and Damen wraps an arm around his legs to keep him in place. Laurent freezes.

"It was a nasty fall back there in the river," Damen says. "I think Paschal like it better if you don't strain yourself at all. Be good, okay?"

Laurent is not good at all. He whispers threats into Damen's ear all the way to the palace, each one worse than the one before, more cruel, more painful; but nothing Damen hasn't heard before. He's so comfortable like this he even allows himself to place a hand on the back of Laurent's thigh once they're out of view and squeeze, which makes Laurent bristle.

"I promise you, Damianos, I will—"

The guards eye Damen curiously as he walks past them and into the royal chambers. He nods at them in acknowledgement.

"Please, call for the royal physician."

The doors close behind them, and Laurent is still muttering curses under his breath by the time Damen finally sits on the bed. He tugs Laurent down to sit him in his lap, and Laurent glares at him, glares at him so hard that Damen suspects he won't be cuddling a warm body tonight; but he regrets nothing. "You know no shame—"

"I don't," Damen admits, taking Laurent's chin in his hand a pressing a kiss against his cheek, close to one of his eyes, which twitches. "I really don't. But neither do you. This is what you get for trying to seduce me out there—anyone could've seen us."

"Is it any different from the balconies?"

Damen snorts. He rests his hand on Laurent's thigh and squeezes again, enjoying how relaxed Laurent is, how he's holding himself still and pretty in his lap. Laurent sighs and rests his chin on his shoulder, clearly still in a bad mood, but not because of Damen.

"I planned this for weeks."

"You can try again when your ankle heals," Damen promises. "But maybe you should try to wear a chiton instead of your Veretian clothes. They're a hazard to take off out in the wild. Not very convenient for seducing, if you ask me."

Laurent bites him.

[pourcap]

thoughts: pg chapter 1

okay book 2 let's go !!

laurent petting the dogs aaaah that's (uncharacteristically) sweet

‘A massage?' damen, stop being a dick and just let the physician take care of your back omg

That was really too much. ‘It’s cosmetic?' god. damen.

i mean, i get why he's pissed: first, laurent tortures him half to death (which obv damen doesn't enjoy), then orders his physician to take care of damen's wounds (which damen doesn't seem to have any patience for until fighting's mentioned)

Damen snorted. ‘It wasn’t that bad.' hmmm.

'Men find themselves in the places they put themselves,’ Paschal said, closing his satchel with a snap. does he know of laurent's abuse? it doesn't sound like he simply dislikes the regent...

'Yes, of course,’ said Damen. Then stopped. please be careful !! just once !!

do laurent's men ever stop talking disrespectful shit about him behind his back? i don't get it because they're 1) hot for him, 2) terrified of him, and 3) not taking him seriously at all when he's their crown prince. although, of course, the regent has done a pretty decent job of tattering his reputation

ohh, so that's aimeric

he sounds nice enough, though?? at least he defended laurent

damen helping aimeric <3

damen is noticing a lot of things about aimeric's appearance which so far we've only gotten twice before with laurent and nicaise. i don't know what that means, if it even means anything...? with laurent i get it because damen is attracted to him but of course he isn't attracted to nicaise at all so now, with aimeric, i'm not sure if we're getting all of these details because damen is attracted to him or if it's just like with nicaise, where it more of a "he doesn't belong here"-kind of situation (you know, because nicaise is a literal child who definitely shouldn't live among adults in a court like the one in vere, and aimeric is out of place as he's prettier than the other soliders)

'Aimeric’s young. He says it won’t happen again,’ said Jord. It will happen again, and once the two factions in this camp start retaliating against one another your campaign is over, he didn’t say. ohhhh damen has a really tactical mind, too, huh? not that i'm surprised since he's led armies before and, as a prince, he's definitely had akielon's best tutors teach him, but i like getting these glimpses of what he knows happens among men. he's probably got an advantage there over laurent

ugh nooooo not govart i hate him

govart is so gross.

'(...) He and his uncle came here a great deal together, in the year or two after Marlas. As he grew older, the Prince lost his taste for the runs here. (...)' :( i really wish i didn't know what that means. i want laurent to lock the regent into a cell and just let him die there

This group was going to tear itself apart. i loooove damen knowing so much about how to lead an army <3

laurent is here !!

'The stableboy should learn to demand payment before he bends over.' aaaand he's already back to being mean (not that he's wrong)

'No restraints?’ said Damen. ‘You don’t think I’ll try to leave, pausing only to kill you on the way out?’ ‘Not until we get closer to the border,’ said Laurent. aaaaah so that's why he's so confident about giving damen armour/a horse/etc.

Laurent said, ‘I am not going to waste time on posturing and threats. Why don’t we clear up any uncertainty about your intentions?' and to think the regent has made his entire court think laurent's a coward lol

'Do I seem like the type to scream?' i know this isn't particularly romantic or anything but i have missed the way they talk to each other so much. i just adore their back and forth idk

'(...) but if you’re willing to put it in my hand, you underestimate how much I want to.' oohhhhh

'I know exactly what it is to want to kill a man, and to wait.' ... anyway. :)))

‘Have I disobeyed an order?’ said Damen. Laurent gave him another of those long, oddly searching looks. ‘No,’ said Laurent. it's so interesting to me how damen keeps getting frustrated about not being able to read/predict laurent when it seems like it's the exact same for laurent, vice versa

'You said you knew the territory,’ Laurent said. ohh my god they'll really be working together??? idk how exactly things will unfold between them but i have a feeling they could be really helpful for each other aaah

[coffeedrgn87]

Day 6: Shatter

cw: hurt/comfort, angst

It's a happy end, I promise. <3

The simple white marble goblet slid out of Laurent’s delicate grasp and sailed to the floor, shattering into a thousand pieces, spilling sweet-tasting Kumquat juice everywhere.

Laurent tried to process, tried to comprehend what Jord was saying. The words merely crashed over him—a jumble of senseless nothing—pulling him under with the ferocity of the waves of the Gulf of Atros, making him feel as though he was drowning, unable to breathe, unable to speak, unable to think.

Damen.

Damen.

Damen.

He broke into a run, shoving Jord out of the way, making his way out of the throne room, sprinting down the corridors of the Summer Palace, heading for his and Damen’s private quarters.

Two guards, clearly stationed there by Paschal, attempted to block him. He threatened bloody murder, yelling and cursing at them in his native Veretian. He roughly pushed them aside, using enough force that they stumbled, struggling to remain upright. Laurent threw himself against the door, found it unlocked and strode straight into his and Damen’s bed chambers.

He found Damen on the bed, looking miserable, with his head bandaged, his bandaged ankle elevated on a pillow and a wretchedly unhappy expression on his face. It was born of hurt, anger, and pain.

Laurent bit the inside of his mouth to stop himself from smiling but even as the tension left his body and he gradually relaxed, he fixed Damen with the darkest glower in history.

“You idiot, you complete idiot!” he snarled. “I hate you!”

Damen gave him a lopsided grin, though, with Damen’s split lip, the usual effect of innocent sweetness was somewhat lost on Laurent.

“You don’t.”

Laurent crossed his eyes in exasperation and walked over to the bed, folding himself onto it, sliding as close to Damen as he could. Paschal coughed, but Laurent ignored the physician. His gaze travelled over Damen’s naked upper body, searching for more severe injuries, and when he found none, he relaxed, though only inwardly. Outwardly Laurent remained disdainful, with his eyes narrowed to crinkled slits to prove a point. He wasn’t exactly sure which point he was trying to prove, but it would come to him eventually; it always did.

Damen gingerly reached out, took his hand and laced their fingers together.

Laurent let him.

“You buffoon, I hate you so,” he murmured, teeth gritted, eyes full of scrutiny and anger but also relief, relief over Damen being OK, over a distinct lack of seriousness to his injuries.

“You don’t,” Damen insisted, his expression soft, warm, loving.

Laurent’s heart stuttered.

“I do,” he said on his next exhale.

Damen smiled.

“I’m OK.”

Laurent very grudgingly swept his gaze over Damen and shook his head.

“Do that again, and I will murder you with my own two hands, Damianos.”

Damen chuckled softly, then grimaced when his head clearly objected.

“What? Fall off a horse?” he teased.

Laurent’s eyes gleamed with disapproval.

He waved his hand over Damen, vaguely gesturing to the injuries Paschal had dressed.

“This,” he whispered, swallowing hard.

“I’m fine, Laurent, I am.”

Damen’s words did not assure Laurent, not one bit, and although he was still seething with anger, he shifted on the bed and curled up beside Damen, sliding as close as he possibly could. He splayed his hand over Damen’s chest and pressed his palm against Damen’s heart.

“Don’t ever scare me like that again; I no longer know how to live without you, Damianos. I have not—”

Laurent trailed off, feeling the heat rise through him and settle in his cheeks.

Damen’s heart missed a beat at that—Laurent felt it, clear as a gentle spring breeze—and allowing his eyes to flutter closed, he exhaled against Damen’s side.

“I love you.”

Damen’s words seeped through his skin into his very core, and Laurent swallowed around the thick lump in his throat and stubbornly ignored the burning sensation behind his closed eyes.

“Don’t ever—” he murmured.

“I won’t. I promise.”

Somewhere a door closed quietly, and Laurent, without opening his eyes, knew that they were alone and would be alone for the foreseeable future.

[heatherdrawings]

My heart goes out to Paschal or whichever physician took care of Damen’s wounds after KR and had to witness these dorks being in love the whole time

[vaskianmountains]

Your Breath in My Lungs

Lamen ficlet set directly post-Kings Rising. Damen has a nightmare while he is still recovering from his wound, and wakes up with a panic attack. Laurent helps him through it. ETA: you can also read this on ao3 now, where you can find it [here]

-

Damen tried to breathe, but no matter how much air he tried to suck in, there still wasn’t enough of it.

He knew his eyes were open, but all he was able to see was the image of Kastor from his dream. They had been sparring, and then Kastor had stabbed him. As Damen had tried to register what had happened, Kastor had grown older right in front of him. When Damen had been thirteen, Kastor had immediately let go of his sword and yelled for help. But in his dream, this older Kastor had strengthened his grip on the sword and pressed it even further into Damen’s stomach.

“Damianos,” a voice said beside him.

He tried to turn, but a pain shot through him, making it even more difficult to breath. He brought his hand to the wound that Kastor had dealt him a week ago. The last thing Kastor had ever done before Laurent had fought him and struck him down.

“Damianos,” Laurent said again.

The covers were pulled off him, and a hand turned his face to the side. “It’s alright,” Laurent said. “You’re awake now.”

Laurent’s voice helped to pull him further out of his dream. He was able to recognize now that he wasn’t lying on the ground of the training arena, but in bed with Laurent right at his side.

“Damianos, you need to breath.”

“—can’t,” Damen bit out. He wondered whether maybe this was it, that despite Paschal’s best efforts his wound had become infected, and that these were his last moments.

“You’re panicking,” Laurent said. He sat up on the bed and started rearranging several of the pillows. Then he helped Damen up to sit against them. Laurent took both of Damen’s hands in his own and said, “Try to match my breathing. Inhale through your nose and out through your mouth.”

Damen watched Laurent, and as his chest rose, Damen inhaled as well. He sucked in the air too quickly and forced himself to hold his breath until Laurent exhaled as well. However, after some more breaths he was able to match Laurent’s relatively well.

“Are you alright?” Laurent asked.

“Yes,” Damen said. “I just—” There has been a lot of blood in his dream when Kastor had driven his sword into Damen. A week ago there also had been a lot of blood when Kastor had stabbed him. And not far from where Damen had been lying on the ground there had been a lot of blood pooling beneath Kastor’s body too.

“Damianos.” Laurent squeezed his hands. “Keep matching my breath.”

Damen forced himself to slow his breathing again, and he focused on the rhythm of Laurent’s rising and falling chest.

“Do you remember the story you told me yesterday?” Laurent asked. “About how you and Nikandros hid away in these chambers when they were still your father’s?”

Damen nodded.

”Will you tell me again?”

“Why?”

Laurent smiled. “Because I liked hearing it.”

“Okay,” Damen said and he began telling Laurent again of how he and Nikandros had stolen from the kitchens when they had been children. “It was the day before the festival of the first harvest. Every year, the cooks prepare a special pastry made from the first new grain and fresh summer fruits. They always used to be my favorite as a child, but they only make them once a year and are only to be eaten on the day of the festival.

“One year I managed to convince Nikandros to help me steal some from the kitchens the day before the festival. He didn’t think it was a good idea, but I also think he knew that if he didn’t help me, I was going to try and get them on my own anyway. I was lucky he did decide to help, because when I tried to get them off the shelf, I wasn’t able to reach them. I always used to be taller than Nik, but he had hit his growth spurt earlier than me, so at that time he was a few inches taller, just enough that he was able to reach the pastries. After we had as many as we thought we would be able to eat, we took them with us to my father’s chambers. I expected that to be the last place where they would look for us.”

“And how many of them did you eat, again?” Laurent asked.

Damen laughed. “We ate all of the ones we had taken except for one. We still tried to eat it, but by then our stomachs were so full they hurt, and we couldn’t bear to swallow any more.”

Laurent was smiling too. “Were you able to still eat them the next day during the actual festival, or did just the sight of them make you nauseous by then?”

“We made ourselves eat from them,” Damen told Laurent again, “because we knew that if we didn’t, they’d immediately figure out that we had been the ones who had stolen some of them the day before. Still, looking back, I think our lack of excitement for them was enough to clue everyone in.”

“Were you at least able to enjoy them during later years again?”

“Yes,” Damen said. “Every year, I look still forward to them. I’m just never going to get Nik to steal them from the kitchens with me again.” He rubbed his thumbs over Laurent’s hands. “I think you would like them too. They’re very sweet.”

“I would love to try them.” Laurent’s smile curled up into a grin. “Maybe you could feed them to me like you did in Nesson.”

Damen was reminded of the warm breath against his fingertips, followed by the softness of his lips. It had been the first time Damen had thought there might be a sensual side to Laurent. The memories stirred a warmth to life inside Damen.

Laurent kissed him, but pulled away far too quickly. “Paschal was very adamant that you should not be doing any strenuous activity yet, remember?”

Sometimes, Damen doubted whether Paschal actually knew enough to be a qualified physician.

“Do you think you’ll be able to sleep again?” Laurent asked.

Damen could still clearly recall his nightmare, but the panic had receded now. As he looked at Laurent, he also knew that there were other dreams waiting for him that were far more pleasant. “Yes,” Damen said. “If you hold me.”