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exsanguidus · 1 year ago

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Controversial opinion; I think Ascended Astarion is the true Astarion. In DnD lore, vampirism amplifies a person's traits for whoever they are at the time they become a true vampire. A Paladin wanting to save people will end up ruling a city with an iron fist to keep people safe. A mage wanting to heal those they love will hurt everyone else to heal them. Astarion was on a journey with Tav - one from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy. I think Ascended Astarion is cannon Astarion. He will always be a vampire, and vampires in DnD are always the amplification of a true self. Without ascention, he is still malleable - but I don't think its what he wants. He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is.

I'm going to start this with a disclaimer:

I work in the mental health field professionally and majored in Social & Behavioral Science, which is partly why I felt drawn to Astarion as a sort of case study. Characters rooted in trauma are interesting to me and I enjoy picking them apart to judge how real it feels. I utilize my educational and professional background to essentially guide how I write Astarion on this account.

That said, despite me being a professional in the field, all of what I have to say is my personal opinion and interpretation of Astarion's character based on how I interpret the material Larian gave us and the material that can be found in DND lore. Even in real life, things have variation and not all mental health struggles (getting over trauma is part of mental health) present the exact same way. There are theories that exist to try and explain some trends in mental health studies, psychology, and sociology, but again they're called theories for a reason.

Now, my response to this question will be under the cut and will include spoilers.

I know what lore in particular you're referencing, anon, because I've been going back to it a lot ever since I opened this account.

Astarion very much has an insecure attachment style born from his abuse at Cazador's hands. Specifically, an anxious-avoidant attachment type that leans more towards avoidant when he's first met and then begins to swing more towards anxious as he begins to get closer to Tav and the other companions.

Anxious-avoidant attachment types (also known as the “fearful or disorganized type”) bring together the worst of both worlds. Anxious-avoidants are not only afraid of intimacy and commitment, but they distrust and lash out emotionally at anyone who tries to get close to them. Anxious-avoidants often spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in abusive or dysfunctional relationships. Anxious-avoidants are low in confidence and less likely to express emotions, preferring to suppress them. However, they can have intense emotional outbursts when under stress. They also don’t tend to seek help when in need due to a distrust of others. This sucks because they are also incapable of sorting through their own issues. Anxious-avoidants really get the worst of both worlds. They avoid intimacy not because they prefer to be alone like avoidants. Rather, they avoid intimacy because they are so terrified of its potential to hurt them (Mark Manson, Attachment Styles and How They Affect Your Relationships).

Typically, most studies of Attachment Theory focus on the relationship of parents-children or romantic partners, but it can also be applied to any significant relationship someone has in their lifetime. Attachment styles thus are capable of changing based on new relationship experiences.

If you end up giving him the "good" ending where he denies the Ascension, it's implied in his final dialogue that he's actively working towards having a secure attachment type due to the influences of his fellow worm-afflicted associates - particularly Tav.

I think that it's important to also note that, even if Tav doesn't romantically connect with Astarion, he shows hints of desperately wanting someone to care for him, support him, and love him. He does want to know what sex would be like as something other than a tool, and especially what it would be like to actually want to have it just for the pure sake of enjoying having it.

You have to understand that Astarion doesn't even understand the concept of casual sex or friends with benefits. All those times he had to seduce people for Cazador was not casual sex or a friends with benefits situation. All of them were transactions with a means to an end. He got nothing out of seducing those victims besides the possibility of not incurring Cazador's wrath that night - but even then, there was still a possibility because Cazador was an abuser.

Abusers are incapable of providing genuine safety, but can manipulate their victims into believing an illusion of safety. Often times, they manipulate their victims into this by using phrases like "you made me do this by being disobedient", "it wouldn't come to this if you just did what you were told", and then weaponizing basic needs such as shelter, food, and social interaction. The bare minimum becomes something the victim is expected to be grateful for and viewed as a favor, which means anything beyond the bare minimum is expected to be viewed as a theatrical showing of care and love.

In game, Tav has the chance to hear Astarion tell the story of how Cazador turned him. He basically states that he got attacked by a mob due to a ruling he handed down when he was magistrate and then Cazador saved him and offered him immortality. It can be inferred that in his pre-vampiric days, Astarion had no idea that Cazador was abusive to his spawn.

This is likely because it seems that Cazador is careful about his public image. He doesn't allow his spawn to drink from humans, very likely not just as a means to further oppress them and dampen their potential power they could get from drinking people's blood, but also as a way to ensure there's not just a bunch of people out in the city being bitten and left alive to tell the story - or left dead on the street suspiciously.

He has his spawn seduce and lure people, particularly lower class people that would be harder for general society to realize is missing or just that he knows people who could actually challenge him wouldn't care for (you learn that reading some of the books and notes in Szarr Palace). The only exception to this is the kidnapping of Gur children, but even then it seems to fit his MO as it seems Gur are considered somewhat outcasts from the rest of Baldurian society due to their cultural differences.

It should also be noted that he himself doesn't do these seductions or kidnappings. He specifically chooses spawn to be his lackeys and that's likely so, if shit hits the fan and the spawn gets caught, he has deniability since he wasn't there. It's methodical and thought out to keep as many eyes away from him so he can still obtain what he wants and keep sailing under the radar.

Cazador is this methodical and purposeful as a result of his own trauma, which we learn about from the skull of his master in the dungeon of Szaar Palace. There's one interaction in particular with the skull in which Tav can learn that, at one point, Cazador attempted to rebel and usurp his master. Cazador failed and his master punished him via impalement. Not because Cazador had the audacity to try and usurp him, but because Cazador tried and failed. Cazador's master punished Cazador via torture because his master was disgusted by the fact that his spawn was too weak to succeed in such a plot.

Which brings me to my next point... it's not uncommon for victims of abuse to later become abusers. Hence the term Cycle of Abuse exists. Many abusers who were once victims often have the mentality of either "I'm not nearly as bad as my abuser was, they should be grateful I care enough to not be so bad" or "I survived and it made me tougher, they need to suck it up and let it help them build character" or both. They often fail to view their abuse as abuse and fail to recognize how their experience as abuse victims contributes into making them toxic and abusive to others.

There's many peer-reviewed scholarly articles you can find about the cycle of abuse, but one I particularly find useful is Editorial: Dissociation, and cycles of abuse across generations by David P.H. Jones. It talks specifically about parents and children, but I believe some of the general points made can be applied to Cazador and his spawn, as he crafts a very family-like setting that can be seen in the way that his spawn refer to one another as brothers and sisters.

This would thus make him the father figure, a role exponentially made important by the fact he denies his spawn education on things that could serve to give them ideas or the ability to leave him (for example, Astarion mentions that none of the spawn were permitted to learn about the language of the various symbols around the palace) and he consistently chooses his Golden Children (Favored Spawns) as a means of providing more false security. Do what he says, when he says, exactly how he says and don't complain then you will have benefits. You will be Favored, and to have his favor is the highest honor you could achieve.

Torture is clearly presented as Cazador's primary go-to for discipline. Research has also concluded that trauma has a way of affecting the brain and memories.

Trauma can prevent information (like words, images, sounds, etc.) from different parts of the brain from combining to make a semantic memory. The temporal lobe and inferior parietal cortex collect information from different brain areas to create semantic memory (The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine).

Astarion mentions a few times in-game that he can barely remember his life before Cazador, if at all, and a huge part of that is likely because of all the trauma Cazador inflicted upon him that exacerbated the natural occurrence of memory loss from aging (if vampires experience natural memory loss from aging, that is). This is most likely true for all of Cazador's spawn.

I say all this as a set up to truly answering you, anon, specifically where you say: "from being controlled, owned, and tortured to being free, curious, and even powerful. Becoming a full vampire and ascending just amplified that. It forced a self-actualization, not a descent into villainy."

I can argue that Astarion did not feel free up until after a decision to Ascend or not was made. And I argue that stance due to some dialogue he can have with Tav here he basically states that the power Ascension could guarantee that no one, even someone after Cazador is dead, could ever come in to oppress and hurt him again. Even with Cazador dead, he has such an intense fear of being enslaved and used that he turns to catastrophic thoughts as justification to why he needs to Ascend.

Catastrophic thinking is a cognitive distortion that occurs when people have a hard time weighing the likelihood of certain outcomes and believe that terrible or catastrophic outcomes—which are highly unlikely—become, in one’s mind, salient and extremely likely. (Tom Zaubler, MD, MPH).

Aside from the Gur, whom Astarion can manage to evade and even kill perfectly fine as just a spawn, we're not presented with any hints of another big bad in the vampire world that could possibly want Astarion. As such, there's not really any tangible threat, but rather a perceived threat that he believes is destined to darken his doorstep at any time.

His catastrophic thinking is a trauma response. His belief that he needs to be the most powerful being in the room as a way to be truly free is a trauma response. Cazador broke him down emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually to make him believe that he was weak and trapped. Furthermore, that he remained trapped because he was too weak to do anything about it.

You see how this goes full circle into how Cazador's master punished Cazador for not being able to successfully usurp him? It places blame on the victim, allowing shame and helplessness to root that the abuser can manipulate. We know that Astarion definitely feels shame because he tells Tav that. For most of his dialogue until the boss fight, he's constantly bringing up that he did what Cazador wanted and acted obedient because he had no choice.

This is true, he had to act in self-preservation to survive and unfortunately that meant he had to be subservient. A few dialogue choices you can have your Tav pick can challenge Astarion and say he could have still tried, to which he'll rightfully tell Tav that Tav has no right to judge him for the choices he made to survive.

When Astarion encounters Sebastian in the dungeon, its made pretty obvious how much guilt and shame he truly feels. Furthermore, that for all Astarion's protesting and exclaiming that no one has the right to judge him, a part of him did believe that he didn't do enough to try and escape enslavement. A part of himself blamed himself and believed he allowed himself to be abused when, in reality, he was put in a horrible situation with very limited options. He did the best he could in the moment, with what information he had in those moments.

I also want to argue that who Astarion is when we meet him isn't his true self. It's who he had to become in order to survive Cazador. Astarion doesn't even know who his true self is because he didn't have the opportunity to explore his own likes and preferences. Cazador molded all of his spawn because he had a specific purpose for them.

Not only that, but since Cazador would have to more directly deal with these spawn since he used them as lackies, he also would have molded them to behave in ways to his preference so that he wouldn't find their presence unbearable and feel inclined to murder them out of annoyance. This is also where the Favored Spawn being separated and set on a pedestal comes into play. Those who could please him and play to his wants and needs had better benefits. If all of the spawn are acting in self-preservation, they would want to be favored and thus would want to adapt themselves to things Cazador liked and approved of.

This would mean learning to be cruel to those less fortunate and not doing anything as charity. This is the reason why Astarion approves of some questionable decisions Tav can make. Astarion learned his ideals and morality from Cazador because he had to so he could know how to please Cazador and stay in his master's good graces. After a while, even if you started off disagreeing, forcing yourself to act a certain way can become a habit that sticks with you. You convince yourself to enjoy it too so it's easier to swallow.

Astarion craves power because he knows that power is the quickest, easiest, and - what he believes - most effective way to prevent him from having to use that method ever again. It's logical to want power to solve that.

You said in your ask: "He wants to be powerful (protected by his own power too - his power being a means to self-preservation), he wants to be loved, seen, and free. Free of hunger, free to walk in the sun, free of Cazador. All these things are true regardless of the path you choose. But, they are all only attainable through ascension. When you ascend Astarion - he gets everything he wants and becomes who he truly is."

In the most literal of terms, yes, Ascension gives him all of those. However, since the basis of him believing he needs power to be free is rooted in fear, that's not actually really freedom. That is still his fear ruling over him.

There's a stark difference in what someone wants versus what they need. He wants power, to be seen, to be loved, and to be free. What he actually needs is security, stability, support, consistency, empathy, and autonomy. The things he wants is what he believes will solve the empty cups of what he needs, and he believes that because the only example he had on how to act to get what you want - until the events of the game - was Cazador. He literally had no other example of how to get your needs met except through selfishness, cruelty, force, manipulation, and abuse.

Again, I reiterate. The Astarion we first meet is not Astarion's true nature. Astarion's true nature was corrupted by his abuse from Cazador and the subsequent trauma that followed. If it had been his true nature, he would have happily been Cazador's subject because their true natures would have been in alignment.

It only becomes his true nature if he allows that trauma to define him and decides that he needs to embrace it rather than fight it. That is then what gets amplified because that fear that roots those wants becomes amplified.

Honestly, it's impossible to say what would be canon for Astarion because there's too many factors.

Studies have shown that having more supportive and positive influences, even if its later in life after leaving the abuser, tends to work in favor of the victim breaking the cycle of abuse. As such, I think that if you make a Tav who's core values are autonomy, consent, second chances, and redemption and somehow manage to get high enough approval that he'd even consider caring what they think; then its more likely that Astarion would reject Ascension due to observing how much softer, kinder, patient, and merciful Tav is.

But if its a Tav that has no interest in getting to know him beyond the surface or Tav doesn't exist at all, I honestly think he would end up going through with Ascension. Mostly because, to me, it seems like he didn't really bother to have more than surface level interactions with the other companions and the other companions really only ended up getting to know him better as a result to Tav managing to get past his masking. He does not lower his mask on his own accord, only after certain things are done and said by Tav.

Unfortunately, I just don't really think any of the other companions you can pick up in-game would really be able to provide support and determined consistency in the same way that players can make Tav. Hence I don't think he'd end up caring enough about any of them to ever start to think that perhaps freedom can be defined differently than the way he initially believes, and would view Ascension as the only right way to get his needs fulfilled.

#hc ; in one's blood #long post #bg3 spoilers #cw: trauma #cw: abuse #penned by grim ;#askbox ; blood oath

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tamelee · 2 years ago

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Pleaaaseee there is a tier list on ships from Naruto would love to see that one!

Okay I found a decent list to fill in, here you go:

There were many ships that are completely random so I just threw them all into one category..

About the last category

SakuLee.. I actually thought they were going to be a thing when I first saw the show because no way Sasuke was ever going to give in to her advances. And I was right about that last part because he didn't. And gradually Sakura was little by little being a bit nicer about Lee when she decided to visit him at the hospital.. and wow!! For her, that's amazing development because at the time and even now her entire character is based on that selfish love (Kishimoto's words not mine) she has for Sasuke. And so she even said to Ino that the flowers she brought with her weren't just for Sasuke- it was explicitly stated in the Manga- so that visual AND text said a whole lot about her... buuuuuut then that went down the drain real fast too. And so, no this ship doesn't make sense but I think it could've been if x, y and z..

ObiRin!! Okay, I know I have KakaRin in the category where I get that people ship it, but not ObiRin- why? Because Rin loved Kakashi and not Obito. And so shipping ObiRin for me doesn't make sense since I am also against other one-sided ships. Rin to me however is an entirely different character from.. let's say Sakura or Hinata and so are the dynamics between them within Team Minato. Rin genuinely cares for both Obito and Kakashi equally, but she doesn't love Obito in a romantic sense. She also didn't chase after Kakashi rabidly trying to get him to like her back, that's why, although Rin showed many gestures towards Obito that really shouldn't be underestimated, I wonder how it would've played out with Kakashi under different circumstances. His resolve and beliefs were already swaying during that mission thanks to Obito- if they succeeded, perhaps Kakashi grew up learning to love that way. Perhaps that would've been Rin. (Or maybe not.)

SakuHina.. just put them together and let them be miserable together? I see many benefits from this tbh. Two of the most selfish characters to have ever existed if not the most selfish characters ever- lump them together, never bother anyone else- problem solved.

SaiIno.. I don't really have a problem with this ship but.. Sai is really gay. I'm sorry but what is he doing with Ino? He found her ugly and they're pretty much together for the sake of.. well kids/next gen stuff. For Ino I think it's fine, Sai sorta looks like Sasuke so it makes sense for her.. but Sai being in love with Ino, canonically? Weird. I know, SaiIno shippers will fight me on it, that's fine, you people have great art though, I'm not complaining.

Jiraiya/Tsunade.. I haven't really seen them being shipped together other than places like IG and Reddit. And some of them were really protective of them- Jiraiya would've always put his WoF above Tsunade which she accepted... why is this a good ship? I don't have much to say for this other than my surprise of their popularity..

Choji and Karui.. apparently their relationship was "explained" in filler novels. Choji simply said he was "interested in her". So they married and made a baby for 'Boruto'. Although 'Boruto-canon', this shit makes no sense.

ShikaIno, look I shipped them. I mean, I used to when I first watched the show because I liked their team-work and I thought Ino's very extra behavior balanced well with Shikamaru's more calm nature. I mean, if anything, he had misogynistic thoughts which he sometimes voiced out loud.. so perhaps a bit ignorant at the time, but I thought Ino was the one helping him with that development partly because of her appearance (since well.. the genre..) instead of Temari, but alas. And I think this is better anyway.

KankuSaku.. LISTEN! Hear me out~ Ship makes no sense at all. BUT. She came all the way from Konoha, saved his life just in time, playing doctor in a way where she didn't need to be all worshipped as a Mary Sue in some weird- godforsaken jail (ESAKA TAKE NOTES), but actually was useful because she learned, developed and took action- then bonded with Chiyo which Kankuro also somewhat has a relationship with- whom he then takes care of the puppets for after she dies.. there are connections and things that can be used to have them bond over. MISSED OPPORTUNITY OKAY- that's all I'm sayin'.

Most of you know how I feel about Sakura, but one of the scenes where I think she DID very much shine (as most of her fans think she so much deserves for some reason)- is when she tried her best to befriend Sai who actually was pretty rude at the beginning. It was Sakura who asked him what he was drawing when she went out to find him and what it meant to him. It was Sakura who tried to figure out more about him to see if she could help him (and their case) somehow- which surprised me pleasantly!! She for once didn't do this for selfish reasons. Now, both Sakura and Sai don't really grasp situations well especially when it comes to Naruto and Sasuke, but they sorta bonded over it a little. Sai while genuinely wanting to understand and Sakura while genuinely wanting to deny. It's not a ship, nor a really good ship- Because Sai.. and Sakura.. but I still wanted to point it out.

*-* anyway- there is too much to say about so many of these, I'll think I'll try to keep it short 💕

#asktamelee #random naruto talk #naruto fandom #I've seen the other asks about tier-lists too!#I'm trying to find a good one #most of them don't have all the characters :/#I HAVE TO ADD THAT #WITH “SURE” I MEAN #I don't ship it #but it's believable lol

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thegoddesswater · 7 months ago

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Author Questionnaire Tag Game

Tagged by @tc-doherty - Thanks, Lano!

About Me

When did you start writing?

Forever ago, it feels like some days. The first time I was told I had a talent for telling a story was probably second grade, but I also definitely ruined one of my mom's recipe books by scribbling all over it "writing" a story that I was simultaneously telling to my brother when I was just a small kiddo. I don't think the scribbling really counts though.

Are there genres/themes you enjoy reading different to the ones you write?

Eh, sometimes, I guess. I've started reading more contemporary stuff in recent years, and it's not likely that I'll ever actually try to write that, but contemporary fiction is also absolutely not my favourite genre to read. Also, even though there are often a lot of romantic elements in what I write, I find that I'm super choosy when it comes to whether I like romance in books I'm reading.

For the most part, I'd say that the things I write and the things I read are at least similar, even if they're not exactly the same.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or one to whom you're often compared?

If I've ever had anyone compare my writing to an established author, I've genuinely forgotten who the comparison was to.

I don't really set out to emulate anyone in particular. I've got my own quirks and writing flair, and I'm pretty okay with that. I can swap styles when I need to, but I also like being able to feel like I've got my own voice.

There was a time when my friends tried to start a writers' circle and I was the only woman there. We started off with free writes and shared them, and I remember distinctly that one of the others there was like "Even if you hadn't read that out, I'd still know that it was written by you, I'd absolutely say 'Kelsey totally wrote that' because it sounds feminine." I could not decide what to do with that feedback. I still don't, actually.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space?

UH. It's...cluttered. I keep my personal laptop on my dining room table, a surface which has the unfortunate honour of being horizontal, and, therefore, a place where items tend to congregate when I set them down for "just a second". And there are so many sticky notes. Because I will scribble down thoughts on a post-it when I'm at work and then stick it near my laptop so I can use it later.

I also keep a notebook in my bedside table and will jot things down into that if I'm writing right before bed. That's a very casual writing space and not my favourite. Partly because the pen I use for it is simultaneously running out of ink and also drippy if I think too much before writing with it.

Honestly, my writing space can actually be anywhere though, because I have cloud-based novel software on my phone, so sometimes my writing space is public transit.

What's your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Dunno! If I want to write, I can usually write, but sometimes I'm just super not in the mood for it, and I have enough other things that I like to do that I don't try to force myself if it's not working.

Though if I need to write for a challenge (think NaNoWriMo), then I start off by just stream-of-consciousness dumping my brain out on the page for a while. It works like having one of those "conversations" with a friend where you go "I'm trying to figure out this bit in my story" and tell them everything and don't actually let them talk and then you figure out the issue and go "Great. Thanks. You're a big help." And then I find that I'm interested in writing out the solution and it's all terribly exciting.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Probably? Like I'm sure there are things in my writing that are there because of where I've lived, but I don't think there's anything I could consciously identify.

And especially where I don't write in the real world, it's harder to identify. Though that being said, there is something about one of my settings that feels extremely American to me. I've only been to the United States a couple times, so I can't actually accurately judge why that is.

Are there any recurring themes of your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Honestly, I feel like I'm writing at my best (at least for first drafts) if I don't think about themes and just let the story happen. If I think too hard about something, it starts to get forced and stilted.

Grief shows up a lot -- a lot more than I would have expected way back when I started writing seriously, and I think I know why. It's not usually the focus of a story, but it's usually there, like a particular shade to tie a colour palette together. There's also lot of found-family type dynamics and just really broken characters sometimes. Neither of which exactly surprise me.

I also leave little things to amuse myself, that maybe someone will pick up on, but it's mostly dumb stuff like hiding a "James" somewhere like I'm early Pixar working with John Ratzenberger, or having a character say a clearance code that is a nod to another character that inspired part of his creation.

My Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favourite character?

I can't believe you're going to make me choose! My characters are the closest I'll ever have to my own children, I can't just choose a favouri-- It's Adair. My little sourpuss of a cyborg. He would be so mad to know that I've called him that -- mostly about the cyborg bit. Adair is contradictory, he craves affection and companionship, yet keeps people at arms length; he willingly signed away his autonomy and yearns for freedom; he's stuck in the structure of the military, but excels most when he does his own thing outside of the rules. He will do anything for the people he loves, but he can be an utter bastard to anyone outside that subset of...what, five?? people. He'll usually do the right thing, if begrudgingly and he's something of a reluctant hero, but he's really fun for me to write.

Which of your characters do you think you'd be friends with in real life?

I think a lot of the characters from Talentless/Wild Card would be people I would potentially get along with. I don't know if we would be friends exactly, but it would be possible to be friendly with them, with a couple of exceptions.

Not so much with Project 404's cast or Miadhachain Legacy's. Jance from ML and Cal from 404 would probably fall into the amiable-aquaintance-y category, though.

Which of your characters would you dislike most if you met them?

Probably General Vancil (Talentless/Wild Card), Voltain (Talentless/Wild Card), Chancellor Bardrick (ML), and most of anyone in the actual Miadhachain family (ML - duh). I honestly have no doubt that I'd probably get rubbed the wrong way by tons of other characters, but those are the ones that would be immediate dislike.

Tell me more about the process of coming up with your characters.

I guess my usually process goes "I need someone to fit this role" and then I start building from there. I'll use Cyri as an example.

Ages ago, I created a child character who was going to be following the main character around and causing shenanigans. I didn't want him to be an orphan, so I went "He needs parents. I don't want to worry about two parents. He needs parent. He can have a mom." I slapped the name Cyri on The Mom(TM) and called it day. At the time, I just dropped her into the story with no introduction when it was an appropriate moment for The Mom(TM) to arrive. Revisiting that story, I decided it would be better to introduce her earlier, so it wouldn't be weird when she showed up. And, suddenly that early intro scene leads to me starting to interrogate her a little bit: How did she wind up here? Why does her life look like it does in this moment? And thousands of words of playing around with her later, she went from being just The Mom (TM) to Cyri - a woman struggling to balance her protective nature with the fact that she knows that her son needs to go on these (somewhat ill-advised) adventures with the main character, because he needs to experience the world, and she can't give him that.

Other times, I come up with a name that I really like and go "Damn. If only you had a personality to go along with this" and then I'll start trying things on the name to see what fits. I have Aerun who is currently suffering from "Neat name, nothing else" which is a shame, because he feels like he's gonna be fun when he starts telling me about himself.

Do you notice any recurring themes/traits among your characters?

Lots of my characters are searching for "home", I think. Which is super not intentional. Also, I have a really weird set of occupations that I tend to give characters: Military roles, health care workers, assassins, tradespeople/artisans, and politicians. There are some stand alone occupations too, like the rock star and the figure skater, but otherwise there are a lot of characters falling into the above occupations.

And sometimes I wind up with characters from different stories who look similar if you write about them like a checklist of traits, but they present differently from each other in text.

How do you picture your characters?

Depends! Some of them I've got super solid ideas of what they look like and others...Not so much. I usually have a general idea of what characters look like with like...general height, body type, skin tone, eye colour, hair etc. But occasionally I'll watch a movie, see a picture, meet a person and I will know in my soul that I will have stumbled upon the most accurate portrayal of one of my characters. I'll mentally go "Oh my god! That's them. That is exactly what [character] looks like" and it's very fun when that happens.

It also happens sometimes with voices, for example, Hogarth from The Iron Giant is the most perfect match for the way Cyri's kid sounds.

I'll often make some kind of visual representation of the character, whether that's with a picrew or on the Sims or SOMETHING, but usually that representation is just close to what they look like.

My Writing

What's your reason for writing?

Because I have stories to tell?? Because I like to amuse myself? Because it makes me feel like I'm home?

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

I just love any comments! I'm never going to complain about the ones that I do get. Keyboard smashes make me giggle. People saying that they like what I put out is always fun. I do love when people share their thoughts with me though, because those are the ones that I come back to again and again when I need a boost; I love knowing that people are engaged with my writing, y'know?

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

I genuinely don't understand the question. Like... Do I want them to think I'm good at writing? Sure. Would I like them to have the idea that I am not a terrible person? Also sure. Are we talking when I post things online? I'd like people to think I'm kinda approachable at least so there could be some kind of interaction perhaps?

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Probably my ability to create characters. My world building is sometimes iffy and my sentences can be utilitarian, but my characters? Love them, and I think they're one of the best things I do. They feel like people and old friends.

What have you been frequently told by others is your greatest strength as a writer?

Again, probably characters. I once wrote some OC-heavy fanfic and folks would literally tell me how much they loved the OCs. Which, particularly in the world of fanfic, I feel like says a lot.

When my sentences aren't just utilitarian, I can come up with some very poetic turns of phrase, which people also point out as a strength, but I've gotta say that mostly it's my characters.

How do you feel about your own writing?

When I am in the midst of writing it? Sometimes my feelings are definitely "I am terrible at this, but I can fix it later" and then when I revisit it, I often go "Damn, that's not bad, actually."

I will reread my own stories just because I love them so much. I have lost so many hundreds of hours going back through documents and rereading things. I wrote them to adhere to my desires, so why wouldn't I love them?

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

Probably! Assuming that I'm not spending all my time trying to survive as the lone person in some post-apocalyptic wasteland and needing to scavenge for food and water and find/maintain a shelter. Do I like sharing my stuff? Sure - though it's been a long time since I posted much of it anywhere people can find it, and now I freeze up a little bit at putting things out there again, but I digress.

If there was no one else around, I might actually write MORE because if I was the only person left alive in the entire freaking world, I would probably need something to entertain myself and fend off the crazies.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy? if it’s a mix of the two, which holds the most influence?

I would say a little bit of both, but more what I enjoy. If I put something in that would be for someone else, it's more of a "I bet [Specific Friend] will also get a kick out of this moment" than a consideration for a nebulous future reader.

#writblr #tag game #long post

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raine-kai · 3 years ago

Text

Contextualizing the Messy AkiHaru Scene

So...it came to my attention that a lot of translations of the scene where Akihiko crashes at Haruki's house in chapter 20 of the manga or the anime movie suggest that nothing happened more than we see in the panels/on the screen.

This is a translation error. The Japanese is unambiguous that a lot happened during the scene break; the art backs this up, in the change to Haruki's hairstyle from before to after the scene break.

Mainly, I want to retranslate for people who are interested, who didn't know that this was a mistranslation. But, I think that no matter how the scene is translated, there are subtexts and undercurrents that are lost, that cannot be simply translated into existence.

So I would like to explain several things in the lead-up to the scene in question, as well as in the aftermath, in order to hopefully give more context.

WARNINGS FOR SPOILERS AND NONCON

Notes on Translation: Given astonished me from its very first chapter with its deliberate and brilliant use of words. It is a story that is so incredibly articulate when it wants to be that moments of wordlessness or fragmented words are equally articulate, for they are crafted with as much deliberation and care as the articulate moments. As anyone knows who has ever tried to translate something, just plain translating the surface meaning of words often leaves a lot of the meaning behind. I will do my best to convey in English what the original text conveyed to me in Japanese, but it will inevitably fall short of the original text.

The Lead-In

First off, let's talk about Akihiko and the particular damage that he brings with him into this scene. He, of course, has the argument with Ugetsu and the fact that he has nowhere to go; but he has also been living this way for two years, presumably only a little longer than he has known Haruki. Akihiko describes the patterns that he and Ugetsu go through:

[Translation: "Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be.]

Later, Akihiko reveals that he has a pattern of dealing with being kicked out of the home he shares with Ugetsu by finding someone, anyone to stay with. He has come to associate these stays as transactions, where the thing that he provides is most often sex. (We also see this transaction-based approach in his relationship with Ugetsu, for whom he feels compelled to cook—a thing that he later continues for Haruki with an urgency that does not match Haruki's easygoing acceptance of this dynamic.)

In fact, we see hints that perhaps Akihiko associates crashing with someone with providing sex to a deeper degree than even he acknowledges, in a scene in volume 1 where he crashed at Haruki's apartment while drunk, and upon stating it would be too much trouble to pull out a futon, did not merely crawl into bed with Haruki, but on top of him.

[Translation: Haru: Akihiko, get a futon and sleep wherever... Aki: Whaaat? But that's so much effort... Haru: So sleep on the....floor....]

So this is a deeply engrained association for Akihiko.

However, it is also a part of his life that he has gone out of his way to conceal from Haruki. From Haruki, he has not merely concealed the many times that he has essentially prostituted himself for a place to sleep; he has also hidden from Haruki that he has any flatmate at all, much less the nature of his relationship with said flatmate.

Haruki has the idea that Akihiko used to sleep around, but does not anymore. He is blinded partly by his own desire to see only the best parts of Akihiko; he is also blinded by Akihiko's desire to only reveal the best parts of himself to Haruki.

In volume 4, we see the moment that Akihiko lets slip that he has a flatmate, and the degree to which this shakes Haruki.

But the more emotional moment for Haruki comes when he realizes that Akihiko is talking to him on the phone while having sex with a woman.

[Translation: "That was a woman.... He was totally having sex."]

No promises have been broken; no trust has been betrayed. But there is an illusion of Akihiko that Haruki has, that Akihiko himself has carefully cultivated over the recent months for a reason that even he cannot explain. It is a paper-thin illusion, that only held up because Akihiko and Haruki both wanted it there.

But now, that illusion is shattering.

This just so happens to overlap with Take suggesting that Haruki take on a support role in his ex-gf's band.

Haruki has struggled from volume 1 with insecurities. He is the band leader; he is the one who brought them together, the one who runs their social media, the one who keeps them in line. Given is a band that absolutely would never have existed without Haruki. Yet he feels outshined by the other three members. There are several scenes depicting Haruki struggling with this. Akihiko is often the one to whom he voices his insecurities, and always without fail sets him straight. There is one particular exchange, during the same conversation when Akihiko reveals that he has a flatmate, when Haruki calls himself ordinary (凡人枠) and Akihiko retorts that he is not, he is 調停者枠....which is difficult to translate, but essentially means mediator, but in this case is denoting that he is the one who brings the different pieces of the band together (both musically, and as a person). Akihiko tells him then, "You're the one that everybody seeks," with a particular look in his eyes even as he reaches for Haruki's face. (Haruki pulls away and Akihiko pulls back and laughs it off.)

But the undercurrent is, for the first time, Haruki is beginning to see the truth of the words that he never quite believed. He is wanted and needed...he just needs to find a way to explain this to the other members of Given. In particular, Akihiko, who has always felt to Haruki like someone on equal or higher footing than himself, despite Haruki himself being older.

And these are the undercurrents at play as we head into the scene in question.

The Crucial Chapters 19-20

Akihiko shows up on Haruki's doorstop in the middle of the night, with an injured face from a fight with Ugetsu.

Haruki lets him in and they start talking as usual....but this time, it's different. They are both just a little bit at odds in a way they have never been before.

Haruki is aware, now, of a facet of Akihiko's life that until recently he had believed was left in the past.

Akihiko perceives that Haruki is hiding something, and in his typical way, immediately wants to know what it is.

This is why, when Akihiko asks his questions and asks if Haruki is hiding something, Haruki snaps back in a way we have never seen him do before:

[Tr: "[I am, but] you're one to talk!"]

Akihiko grabs Haruki by the wrist and asks again, and Haruki tells him...but throws in that the band he is doing support for is his ex's band.

Akihiko responds, "So you're going back to your ex?" and proceeds to crawl on top of Haruki to acknowledge for the first time what has always been unspoken between them: "You're in love with me, yet you're gonna run away?"

As Haruki lies sputtering for a response (he tries to pretend ignorance, but can't finish a sentence, between Akihiko pressing closer and his own shock) Akihiko reaches for Haruki's braid—the hair that Haruki has been growing out for as long as he has known Akihiko, as something like a wish charm (願掛け) for his love; the hair that Akihiko is somewhat obsessed with, taking every opportunity he can to play with it or style it—and speaks words that reveal that he is still fixated on Haruki's ex.

[Full text: 春樹さぁ、元カノがどうとか言ってたけど、お前こんなんで本当に女なんか抱いてたの？

Translation: You talk about this ex-girlfriend, Haruki, but did you seriously have sex with women like this?

Note: the こんなんで/"like this" is beautifully ambiguous. On a surface level of course it is referring to Haruki's long hair—with all the years of pining and love for Akihiko that that implies—but it also draws attention to how they are right now. The fact that Akihiko has crawled on top of Haruki as he has before, and Haruki does not fully push him away. It draws attention to the way that Akihiko himself is so central to Haruki's entire being.]

While Haruki flushes and thinks to himself, "Shut up, shut up! I did have sex with women, before I met you!" Meanwhile, Akihiko kisses him—a kiss that the art carefully does not show us lip-to-lip, either only showing us angles where we cannot see the point of contact, or focusing on the contact of only their tongues. Make no mistake, this is not a romantic kiss. This is a kiss full of frustration and pent up emotions and two years of unspoken, unacknowledged emotion brewing between these two.

Akihiko begins to strip Haruki further, and Haruki interjects, 「え、うそ、うそうそ、待った」(tr: "Wha- wait wait wait, just a sec"), which Akihiko ignores, and proceeds to begin performing oral sex on Haruki, even as he acknowledges internally that his actions are taking out his frustration with Ugetsu on Haruki.

[Note: the words Haruki uses at this point are not clear "Stop" signals. え、うそ、待った are all words that convey shock and uncertainty, and it is noteworthy that Haruki does not at any point use a word that would convey an equivalent of "Stop". That doesn't make this consensual, as his consent has not been obtained, but this is important to note, that Haruki deliberately does not ever outright tell Akihiko to stop.]

This is where Akihiko reflects on his messy relationship with Ugetsu, and the lingering hold it has on him:

Even since Ugetsu and I broke up, we periodically continue to clash. Sometimes it's about the timing at which Ugetsu found a new guy. Sometimes it's just before or after Ugetsu is away for a long time. Sometimes these clashes come suddenly, immediately after we have been intimate for a few days, just like we used to be. Like he is urging me, "Great, here's an opportunity. Let's part ways and break up for real." Like he is shutting me out of his world by force, to reinforce that he doesn't need me. What the hell? If you don't want me, why do you allow me to hold on? If you sympathize with my holding on, why do you try to throw me away? I want to trap you. I want to escape. I want to give up. I can't fully give up. I want to touch you. I can't breathe...

And when Akihiko comes back to the present, some time has past. His shirt is gone, Haruki places a hand over Akihiko's with tears in his eyes, and for the first time, says やめてよ [approx. translation: "Please stop," but this is a very gentle way of saying it—a plea in softer language]....and then continues, そんな顔しないでよ、辛そうな顔しないでよ、なんなの？言ってよ、なんでもしてあげるから [tr: "Please stop looking like that, like you're in such pain...What is it? Please tell me. I would give you anything."]

It is the なんでもしてあげるから here that is utterly striking. @edragoon and I debated translations and arrived on "I would give you anything" as the best option, but even with Haruki's soft language leading up to this, even with his words so focused on Akihiko's pain, the sheer love conveyed by these words is heart-wrenching—as is the art, Haruki's hand reaching out to Akihiko's face.

Akihiko has unearthed Haruki's unspoken feeling as part of his self-destructive spiral in a move that he no doubt expected to hurt Haruki, but instead, Haruki has owned up to his no longer hidden feelings and offers all of himself to Akihiko; turns the focus back onto Akihiko and his pain, rather than on himself, as Akihiko probably expected. As no doubt has happened in similar situations with Ugetsu.

And Akihiko, caught between Haruki here and the mess in his heart that is Ugetsu, expresses resentment that these words are coming from Haruki instead of Ugetsu.

"Why did you have to be the one to say that?" Akihiko laments silently, and then out loud,

[tr: "Telling you won't change anything."]

He follows this up with a small, "Sorry," and wonders to himself "Why couldn't it have been you?" (In Japanese, as in English, it is ambiguous whether he is wishing that Haruki were the one he wanted those words from, or that Ugetsu were the one saying those words. The last use of "you" in his internal monologue was directed at Haruki, supporting the first interpretation, but he is also lost in his head, so it would be no surprise if he is swaying back and forth.)

The scene breaks here, and on the next page, Haruki is curled up facing the back of the couch, fully dressed in new clothes and his hair now pulled back in a ponytail, and Akihiko is seated on the floor with his back to the couch, shirtless.

[Tr: "I'm sorry. Truly. I was completely in the wrong."]

Haruki responds, "That's not the part I want an apology for," even as he remembers those damning words, Telling you won't change anything.

[Tr: "...I said I'd give you anything. By the end it was basically consensual."]

Haruki goes on to say Akihiko is free to stay over, but he will be going to a friend's place.

Akihiko visibly panics, but only manages to call Haruki's name once as Haruki tells him he can use anything, can leave the door unlocked, but simply should be gone by morning.

Haruki leaves the apartment, and we see him cry as he walks through the darkened streets as those words Akihiko spoke again.

Left behind, Akihiko berates himself for how much he lets himself lean and depend (甘える) on Haruki, and he reflects on the events with his family and Ugetsu that lead him to where he is, without anywhere else to go. [NOTE: this is no doubt a significant factor in his later decision to move out of Haruki's apartment once as he goes through the process of bettering himself.] He contemplates the ways in which he has behaved towards Haruki, the parts of his own life he has almost instinctively hidden from his view.

Akihiko spends the night on the floor by the couch. (A shot of the clock at one point tells us it is 1:20am.)

We see morning dawn, and it is as Take is at work discussing lunch break that he gets a text from Akihiko, asking if he's seen Haruki. It is in the evening, when Take goes home, that he finds Haruki listless and hollow-eyed in front of his apartment.

The clock reads 9:40pm when Haruki comes home at last. Apart from the few hours he was with Take, Haruki has spent the better part of a night and a day alone who knows where.

[Tr: "Oh, you're still here"]

The hair that Akihiko had adored, the hair that Haruki had been growing since the day he met and fell for Akihiko, is cut short.

The Aftermath

The two of them don't shy away from the subtext of the last day—especially Haruki, who says blandly, "Sorry, but I'm tired after your rejection of my feelings, as you can see. Please go home." And when Akihiko tries to reach for him with a, "Wait, but—" his hand his slapped away by Haruki, who informs him, "Look, I'm angry at you." and cuts off Akihiko's attempted apology one syllable in with an admonishment that an apology will only make him angrier.

But Akihiko says what he should have said the night before—that he is at the end of his rope and has nowhere to go. He quietly asks to be permitted to stay in Haruki's apartment, assuring him that he will sleep on the floor, that he will not do anything again. He begs for Haruki to help him.

Haruki is furious.

「サイアク」the narration repeats: "[This/he] is the worst."

At last, Haruki agrees, but with the words, "If you weren't a band member, I'd throw you out."

The next day at band practice, Akihiko and Haruki are wildly out of sync, and while Haruki puts on a carefree smile for Uenoyama and Mafuyu, he is still spiraling with despair and humiliation.

And yet Akihiko too is on pins and needles, reacting with abject (though silent) horror when Uenoyama asks Haruki what's wrong.

But Haruki tells Uenoyama and Mafuyu nothing, and when he walks off and Akihiko goes after him, the words that come out of his mouth are all about his insecurities about his place in the band. About how he is too ordinary and does not belong in such a band of geniuses.

This is not what Akihiko was expecting his outburst to be about; this is also familiar territory for him, that he knows how to handle. Akihiko knows music.

He assures Haruki of why his music was off today, as he would have any other day. He assures Haruki that he is utterly deserving of his place in their band, as he has so many times before.

[Tr: "I've pretty much always told you that you're necessary, haven't I!?"]

And all at once, memories come rushing back to Haruki of so many times that Akihiko has told him of his value.

Haruki's anger loses its momentum and he deflates. They had back to Haruki's apartment, with Akihiko promising to cook dinner, as he is the freeloader. (Another nod to his tendency to view these arrangements as transactional.)

Living together proves a disillusionment process for Haruki. Of course, the night that Akihiko first came to his apartment was the enormous catalyst, but the disillusionment process continues.

All of those ways in which he had formerly idealized Akihiko crumble one after another for Haruki as they live together. Akihiko cooks, but he only has one flavor profile, and often makes fried rice. Akihiko spends most of his days on music, be it violin or the drums, and it is louder than Haruki is used to with his bass—it is also evidence that Akihiko is the musician he is because he puts in the work, not just inherent talent.

...And that brings us to the end of volume 4, so I think I shall stop here!

If you read all this way, thank you, and I hope this added something positive to your day!

#akihiko x haruki #akihiko kaji #Given #haruki nakayama #haruki's hair #Given meta #meta #秋春 #ギヴン #中山春樹 #梶秋彦 #Given vol 4 #This is my otp #nobody proofread this meta #I really hope there are no typos #i am brain empty only akiharu

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fiore-rosewood9 · 4 years ago

Note

♫FrUk :D

Thank you for the ask, I will send a few songs that remind me of fruk, a whole playlist if you may, not only one song. I also touch a few of triggering topics as I explain the nations's personalities and relationships with one another so I apologize in advance if I upset/trigger someone and will put my trigger here - Warning - mentions of abuse, alcoholism, s*exual trauma. Under the explanation there is a playlist of songs that make me think of Ukfr/Fruk, so if anyone gets upset you can feel free to skip my general headcanons about fruk/ukfr relationship dynamics. There are too many songs that make me think of different characters or ships but I collected the ones that make me think the most of them.

I know the original song is by Lady gaga but this version is too sweet and cheesy for me so I chose the rock cover by the group Halestorm since I prefer it, it sounds more genuine and rough and kinda makes me think of the dynamic that ukfr/fruk has, that some people present is as just the enemies to lovers trope or them just fighting which is.....simply unhealthy????? Fruk is much more than that and I wish people would stop seeing it as a two dimensional thing, yeah they do argue on a lot of things and it is not the healthiest dynamic however it does work in my mind because they stick through thin and thick and that requires effort and true love since a lot of people nowdays do not take time to know the other person, they just jump into marriage and have a few divorces and just argue over everything and then separate, fruk is an off and on thing where they break and make. This kind of dedication is hard to find in today's couples. I know they're fictional characters and no one really cares but I practice my psychology skills and my knowledge of people around me, and I sometimes see people with similar or almost the same characters as fictional characters, they may not have all of their hobbies but they do act the same way. And certain pairs, no offence, just make me want to gag my self due to history with bad and toxic fans but if I look at it subjectivly and never encountered mean fans from a certain ship, I would say that they ship simply doesn't work. No ship bashing but as far as I know, people with this kind of personality from this ship that I dislike, and get upset when seeing fan art of, simply just do not get along and had a hard time divorcing, it is not only unhealthy and unbalanced, it is downright abusive because both partners seek control and to have the upper hand and this is not...what romance is about???? It is about two people taking care of each other, understanding personal space and boundaries, lifting each other up and yeah, they will argue a lot, sometimes for small things, sometimes for bigger things, but generally the point of romantic relationships is not someone using you, or abusing you financially and generally being better or bigger than you. This breeds insecurity and jealousy in the other partner and makes them feel inadequate. Usually such problems are not talked over and one of the partners acts passive agressive which is what ultimaltly leads to said divorce. So yeah, people can go away with their (BUT IT IS CUTE, IT IS SO FUCKING CUTE) pairing because real life pairings and how humans communicate and develop friendships and relationships isn't based on what your mind conciders and doesn't concider cute and there are lots of factors on whether relationship will ever happen like common interests, type personality, etc and just block me so I will never hear from them and their childish mindset ever again, which is why I blocked certain tumbrl fan art hetalia accounts who produce art of a pairing I (dislike) lowkey hate, for historical reasons, for manga reasons, for toxic fans who bullied me and made me go on 3 hiatuses reason and ultimatly in real life experience and psychology and how humans and the human mind works and what is healthy and unhealthy reason. Why should I support something where certain people have been hateful towards me and these same people that act like these characters and I know in my life are on bad terms in real life? Why shouldn't I just move on to something more realistic and more healthy, that I have seen that works with humans I know first hand? I am not a clinical psychologist and I have no power or saying in this but I had to write thesis and read books by psycholgists and analyze them in high school and my first year of Uni, in order to pass the year and I have also read reccomended books by a psychologist I went to because I wanted an advice on how to deal with my anxiety and talking to people, because my condition is extremely severe but I honestly feel stuck and try to improve but also feel confused, I sometimes feel like I am not doing enough to

self improve as a human. I sometimes come off as too cold or overly bitter and angry without intending to, and it sucks.

Francis is a really manipulative person and Matthew picked up that from him while part of Alfred's agression doesn't only come from confidence in his own abilities but the fact that England him self is an overly agressive person and is very dominant or at least used to be for a very long time, now he is more mild to keep his gentleman persona but he does suffer from severe anger issues which he hides while Alfred is prone to breaking things and screaming, Arthur is more prone to being rude, sarcastic and generally mean before he loses it. Matthew and Francis do not engage in fight if they can avoid it which is why sometimes people call them cowardly I think? And Matthew is a bit prone to being a codependent people pleaser as far as I see and he seems to have severe anxiety issues. Francis albeit charismatic and beautiful, is deep down in his core lonely.

I think that part of his pervertedness, shocking people with his s*xual humour and all of this sex obsession comes from trauma in his childhood and dressing like a girl. I wouldn't explain what the trauma in question was since it is not canon but I do headcanon that he had s*xual trauma and it is partly why Hungary dressed like a guy. I don't know if this is legit, it is bias from reading too much japanese fan comics relating to hetalia or just general history of humans and how they treated consent and what is moral today, wasn't amoral or against the law a few centuries ago, but I have seen artists touch on it. I think both Arthur and Francis suffer from neglect and they weren't particularly good fathers, in fact no country is, the whole FACE family is dysfunctional and while I love all of them, I kinda pity them. I think Rome was a bit discriminatory mostly towards France and never towards his other children while Arthur had to constantly prove him self and was bullied by his brothers. While other nations have suffered from trauma too (I headcanon that Prussia was burnt on stake and people threw rocks at him due to his albinism and being left handed) something similar happened to Arthur, who I headcanon that he was burnt for being a witch and Francis went a few times through the guillotine, or Arthur still having a bullet scar on his arm from the American revolution or Francis having nightmares from that day where Jeanne was burnt and waking up in his own sweat. Arthur also must suffer from workholism and alcoholism, judging by how much he works and goes to pubs to drink. Everyone chooses their own poison and how to cope with life and many use unhealthy coping mechanisms, hell, even I used unhealthy coping mechanisms a lot in the past and I am not proud of them, in fact, I try to improve.

I can talk about their history and how it relates to their mental health and what scars they have for hours but I would bore you. You came for a song and I am probably boring you so I apologize for writting a lot of words, in advance. I basically think that fruk/ukfr is the ultimate ship for many reasons because they click, I do ship spuk/engita/asakiku and many other things but fruk/ukfr is kinda like butter and bread, it is a great combination. I never said it is 100 percent healthy, however their relationship makes psychological sense and their personalities click. I know people like to present arthur as this dumb tsundere man that blushes and says baka, or he is this garbage rat dad that no one likes or francis is presented or at least used to be this perverted sex machine that touched other countries inappropriatly or at least the 2012-2015 fans saw him this way and while he still has the reputation of a pervert, what many young people in the fandom see as disgusting, I just see as an overly lonely man that just happens to have high libido and copes with it by having casual sex and just has a sex humour, the same way some people have fart jokes humour or darker, more cursed humour, I am really glad that fans mostly left off this whole - Francis is a r**ist and will grope you, in the past, because honestly r**e is not joke and as a character he clearly understands consent and boundaries and I don't think someone like him would do such a thing. Also Greece and Turkey have even higher libido than him and sleep around more, yet he is the ''pervert'', I don't get it??????????? but fruk is just so much more than opposites attract, they have a lot in common so I can't say they're full opposites, no one is truly. I have heard people ask why does anyone ship fruk when it is just opposites attract/enemies to lovers trope and I am honestly confused, because that is extremely rough generalization to say the least, it is like saying - All men/women are the same, it is simply wrong/uncorrect. I think they ''married'' five times - The Treaty of Paris (1657) formed an alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French Alliance (1716–31) formed another alliance against Spain. The Anglo-French blockade of the Río de la Plata (1845-1850). The Anglo-French joint invasion of Qing Dynasty (1856–1860). And the last one which is their official marriage The Entente Cordiale (1904) fought together in both World Wars. As far as I remember Francis tried to marry Arthur but he refused and why he refused is up for subjective opinion but I must write a whole thesis on why Fruk/ukfr works so well and people are not here for that, they're here for the music and I will provide. I also always saw Francis as the more gentle and more submissive partner, I just love to see him drawn in frilly beautiful dresses with bows and stuff and Arthur as the more dominant, I mean as a country he was a powerhouse during the 1600s-1800s and used to be a punkrocker, usually rockers are mentally tough and that man is extremely cunning and witty so...people drawing him as this useless baka uwu overly feminine anorexic boy that looks more like a tween rather than a 23 year old guy just assasinated his character in my opinion and it disturbs me but I am just some awkward human on the internet and no one values my opinion anyway because this is the internet and many people nowdays love to have hot takes and try to gain followers through clickbait stuff which sometimes goes out of control and everything just seems more fake and shallow to me, the more old I get.Okay that was my silly rant no one asked about but I feel really passionate about hetalia and Fruk/Ukfr. Anyway, I apologize again for my long rant and going all over the place, please enjoy this playlist

PLAYLIST WITH SONGS THAT REMIND ME OF FRUK/UKFR

1 - Halestorm - Bad romance - rock cover https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll4NJs3NBIU

2 - Queen - Somebody to love - lyrics https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj69iA_goIk

3 - ABBA - Voulez vous - (I know everyone chooses Waterloo and while waterloo is a fruk theme, I think Voulez vous works too) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwcgMVXuBJc

4 - London beat - I've been thinking about you - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixBryyQSrD8

5 - Santana - Smooth - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Whgn_iE5uc

6 - George Michael - Careless whisper - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izGwDsrQ1eQ

7 - Robbie Williams - Feel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iy4mXZN1Zzk

8 - Michael Buble - Feeling good - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Edwsf-8F3sI

9 - Edith Piaf - La vie en rose - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFzViYkZAz4

10 - Chopin - Marriage d'amour (Spring waltz) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFJ7kDva7JE

11 - Vanessa Carlton - A thousand miles - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERw2LuU6Jj8

18 notes · View notes

a-small-batch-of-dragons · 4 years ago

Text

Poisoned Veins

Prompts: Hi! Feel free to ignore this, but I'd love it if you could write some sort of Merlin (preferably Merthur) fanfic involving the serket sting and S3 E1/2? Maybe just after Merlin gets back, or after the battle, or something (not too long after the sting, is what I'm saying). Either good or bad Morgana, I don't mind. But lots of nice hurt/comfort with Merlin and Arthur, emphasis on the comfort (I love your fics, especially the relationship between Merlin and Arthur, so...) - anon

May I ask for a Merlin&Arthur fic? I love how you write them together! - anon

Thanks for the prompts babes!

Read on Ao3

Warnings: implied/referenced mind control

Pairings: merthur and mergana, but they can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 4108

Was it the stupidest thing he’s done all day? Probably not. The stupidest thing he’s done in the last hour?

Most definitely.

But as he stands here, in the vault, deep under stone and soldiers, he faces Morgana and closes his eyes.

Golden light. Then silence.

The pit of his stomach opens up, his power spilling and spilling into the air between them. It burns his eyes, even through his lids, the tips of his fingers tingling with the excess magic. It hurts. It’s the best he’s felt in ages.

He hears Morgana gasp in front of him.

He opens his eyes to see her, powerful in her armor, the staff in one hand, the sword in the other, tears like chainmail glittering on her face. Her mouth is open, torn between what must be fury and shock, as he holds the glow spinning in his hands.

“I understand,” he hears himself say from miles away, “and I’m sorry.”

Is it partly out of spite? To prove her wrong? Maybe. Is it partly because he desperately wants Kilgharrah to be wrong, that they’re not the same, but yes, yes they are? Maybe.

Is it mostly because he helped turn Morgana into this, helped forge the sword the Morgana has become in Morgause’s hand?

Merlin holds his magic there, bared for her to see, as her mouth snarls and spits at him.

The words flash across his vision even as she doesn’t speak them. How could he, he betrayed her, how dare he side with them, what kind of a monster must he be?

They emerge in a wordless yell as she lunges forward, intent on burying her sword into his chest until—

The force of the blast knocks them back, throwing them like rag dolls against unyielding stone. Merlin winces, his body protesting first from the force of the expended magic and then the sharp crack from the wall. He manages to wedge himself upright with his elbow, scanning furiously for the damage done to the rest of the vault.

Fissures run along the length of the ceiling, dust showering as the soldiers upstairs rush back and forth. Somewhere up there are the knights, Leon, Arthur, the others—he should get up, he should see what else he has to do, but—

He looks down, searching for Morgana.

He finds a limp body, a sword flung out of a hand, and a staff that hums with enough dark power to make his stomach churn.

Panic courses through his veins as he scrambles across the floor, palms digging roughly into jagged stone, knees and elbows catching on loose rock. He winces, stumbles, flails, keeps going. He’s already hurt Morgana once, he won’t dare leave her again.

“Morgana,” he mumbles, straining through the clouds of dust, “Morgana—can—can you hear me?”

She’s out cold, lying limply on the floor. He reaches out, grabbing at her chainmail, trying to roll her onto her back, see what the damage is, did she hit something and get knocked unconscious? No blood greets him as her head turns, he can’t feel anything broken, so then what—why—

Something under his hand burns.

He yanks his hand away to see a bracelet, the bracelet Morgause gave her, the bracelet that stayed on as the dead rose around them, flare, splutter, and die.

Morgause…

Morgana gasps awake.

“Easy,” Merlin says before she can sit up too quickly and hurt herself, “easy, easy, Morgana, please, it’s—it’s alright, I’m not going to hurt you—“

“Merlin—Merlin—“ her voice grows shriller in a panic— “Merlin, please you have to listen to me—“

“I’m not going to hurt you, you have to believe me—“

“Merlin, please—“

“It’s alright, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, I wanted to, just please listen to me, we have to stop this—“

“Merlin!”

The note of genuine hysteria gives him pause before he looks up and sees her face. Her face, not that horrible mask that’s been plastered to her since she returned, no, this is Morgana, shining back at him, tears still armor, as real as the hand fisted in his tunic to pull him closer, not push him away.

“…Morgana?”

“Merlin,” she says in a rush, “Merlin, we have to destroy the staff, Morgause is using it to channel my powers, she’s attacking the city, we need to—if we destroy the staff we may still win—“

“Morgana?” Merlin blinks, not wanting to believe it.

“Please, Merlin,” Morgana says, sitting up and taking his tunic in both hands now, “please, I know—I know I’ve been awful to you, I know this is my fault too, but you have to believe me, she’s more powerful than you know, we have to—“

“Are you hurt?” He looks her over, sees the bracelet still on her wrist. He reaches for it.

“What are you doing? We have to stop her!”

“The bracelet,” he says, “take your bracelet off.”

Morgana looks down. Her eyes widen when she sees the jewel in the middle burst open. “It’s—it’s broken…it’s broken…”

And the heart-wrenching look on her face as her mouth twists and she yanks it off is enough to convince Merlin.

“How do we destroy it?”

“I don’t know!” Morgana yanks him to his feet. ‘She said only the High Priestesses and their blood god had ever seen it.”

Merlin winces as the clattering above gets louder. He looks around to see more and more of the dead rising. “Well, we’ve got to try something!”

Morgana’s face twists further as she grips the staff. Her eyes begin to glow.

“Morgause is a High Priestess,” she growls, as the glow intensifies, “and I am her sister.”

She looks to Merlin.

“Help me.”

Merlin’s own magic starts to respond as the staff glows brighter, its own dark magic threatening to swallow the kingdom whole. Morgana’s magic reaches for him as they hold the staff together.

“On three,” she grits through a clenched jaw, “ready?”

Merlin nods, starting to pant with the effort of holding onto the staff. “One…”

“Two…”

“Three!”

The staff shatters.

They stand, frozen, made immobile by the magic surrounding them, as the dead start to fall back to the earth. Merlin’s eyes are fixed open, gazing at the remnants of the ancient tree, bound only by magic now dissipated. Across from him, Morgana’s gaze locks on his and they breathe.

“You have magic,” she whispers after an eternity of silence, “you…you’re like me.”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin says, his hands still outstretched, “I’m sorry.”

A wounded noise escapes them both as they slump to the ground, exhausted by the weight of the magic in the room. All around them, skeletons fall, the castle settles, and the battle rages on. The faintest sound of swords manages to reach them, down here, buried under stone, but for now, they are alone.

Alone in a swirl of magic and the broken promises of destiny.

Merlin drags himself across the floor to curl protectively around Morgana’s shaking form. He can’t let her get hurt now. She’s just broken one of the most powerful enchantments he’s ever seen, let alone felt, there’s no way he’s letting anyone near her. Morgana stirs as he sets himself over her, reaching upwards to grab a fist of his tunic. She tugs him down into a hug, her arms going around him so tightly he winces, before wrapping his own around her.

They’re sorry. They’re so, so sorry.

“I haven’t felt anything in ages,” comes the hoarse whisper, “it felt—It felt as though she banished me behind a sheet of glass, even in my own body.”

“You did it,” he mumbles back, squeezing her tighter, “you broke the enchantment. You did it. She can’t control you anymore.”

“I’m still so angry.” Her chest hitches as she gasps. “I’m so—I’m so angry and I can’t—I can’t tell which anger is mine and which anger is hers.”

The stone echoes in silent judgment as her confession rings in the air around them.

“You don’t have to figure it out right now.” He tightens his grip. “We can just—rest. For a moment.”

“Yes, that sounds nice.” Her voice starts to lilt. “Just…a little…rest…right here.”

“The others can—they’ll be fine.”

“Yes, yes, quite.”

Merlin’s eyes start to droop as his body finally gets to sag in relief. He winces.

“Merlin?” Morgana stirs under him. “Are you—did I hurt you?”

He shakes his head. “No, no, I just…I think I need to sleep, now…”

Kilgharrah’s warning about the cure returns. It will work, but not quickly.

And he just burnt up a lot of his energy.

He curses softly under his breath and Morgana sits up quickly, pulling him against the wall as they lean together.

“Merlin, Merlin? Merlin, talk to me,” she says as she scrambles to make sure his tunic and neck kerchief aren’t making it hard for him to breathe, “stay—stay with me.”

“I’m—I’m sorry…”

“It’s alright, Merlin, I hurt you too, I’m not angry at you, just—well, alright,” she yields when he manages to give her a look, “maybe a little, but not like that, just—stay awake, what’s wrong?”

He swallows roughly. “The Serket sting,” he manages through a dry throat, “it—I’m still not strong enough to fully…fully heal yet. I think—I think I pushed too hard.”

“Oh, Merlin,” she says, the perfect balance between chiding and fond, “you always push yourself too hard.”

“Easy for you to say,” he mumbles back, “you’re…you’re as close to an overachiever as they come.”

“Am not!”

“Are too.”

Their laughs are too tired to be convincing, cut off by an awful churn in Merlin’s stomach. The familiar pain of the poison swirls at the base of his spine.

“Shh, shh,” Morgana says frantically, pressing a glowing hand to his stomach, “I can—I had Morgause teach me some healing, I can try to hold it at bay while we find Gaius—“

“I’ll be fine,” he says, feeling the familiar wash of magic through his veins, “I’ll be fine, you…you save your strength. We’ve got some explaining to do when this is all over.”

Indeed, above them, the sounds of battle are slowly quieting.

Morgana laughs shakily. “And you best believe you’re going to be right there with me,” she warns, “you’re not getting out of it.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he says as his eyes start to drift closed, “but you…you can’t burn yourself out either.”

“So let’s both stay awake,” she says firmly, her arms still wrapped around him, “we’ll…we can just rest, right here, and then…then we’ll tell them.”

“Stay with me, then,” Merlin mumbles, reaching to wrap his arms more tightly around her, “don’t try and run off as soon as I pass out.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

There they stay, Morgana’s nose pressed into the crook of Merlin’s neck, Merlin’s hand buried at the base of Morgana’s braid, curled up, safe and exhausted next to the shattered staff.

There Arthur finds them, tearing frantically through the citadel, shouting for Merlin, for Morgana, for anyone who’s seen them.

They look up when he comes in, fear giving way to relief as a jibe rises to the tip of his tongue. Something cheap about the two of them sneaking off, or feigned disgust or outrage at finding them in such a compromising position. But then he catches sight of their tear-stained faces and the carnage around them and they can see him putting the pieces together.

“Merlin,” he finally says after a long moment, “Morgana, you’re both—you’re both safe.”

“Arthur?” Morgana props herself up a little. “Arthur, are you—“

“I’m alright,” he says, “the battle’s over.”

“Arthur.” Merlin tries to sit up too but neither he nor Morgana can make it. “Arthur—“

“Oh, alright,” Arthur sighs like he’s also not desperate to pick his way through the rubble toward them, “I’m coming.”

Still, he can’t disguise the look of relief on his face as he sits next to them, Morgana immediately pulling herself up to throw an arm around his neck.

“Alright, alright,” he mumbles like he’s not the most relieved prince in the world, “I’m here, I’m alright. Are you safe?”

“I’m safe now,” she says, “we destroyed the staff, we stopped the magic.”

Arthur looks around. “So you did. Well done.”

One of Morgana’s hands is still clutching Merlin’s tunic, dragging him closer to Arthur as she hugs him. Arthur raises an eyebrow as he notes this, looking to Merlin to make a joke only for it to die as he takes in what Merlin can only assume is his pale, sweaty, exhausted face.

“Are you alright?” He reaches for Merlin’s arm. “Are you hurt?”

Merlin thinks about shaking his head.

“Destroying the staff wasn’t easy,” he decides after a moment, which is true, “the magic…took a lot out of us. Both of us.” Which is also true.

“Merlin got hurt with a poison,” Morgana adds, shooting him a look that only he can tell is guilty, “he’s fighting it off still.”

“I’ve gotten the cure,” Merlin says before Arthur can indignantly rush them both upstairs, “it’s just…taking a while.”

Arthur’s gaze softens and he tugs Merlin a little closer.

“Is that why you’re still here,” he asks the both of them, “is it just…taking a while?”

They nod.

“Then let’s get you somewhere safe,” he says, starting to stand, “the battle is over. The citadel is safe.”

Morgana’s eyes flick to Merlin’s.

“Cenred and Morgause,” Merlin says, “are they gone?”

“Fled, it looks like,” Arthur says as they stand, “probably back to their own kingdoms.”

Morgana’s shoulders slump. “Thank goodness.”

“I’ll check to see what the easiest way back is.” Arthur walks toward the door. “Just wait here a moment.”

As soon as he disappears, Morgana looks down. Merlin follows her gaze to see the bracelet there, at their feet. He squeezes Morgana’s hand.

“Áce wele!”

The bracelet explodes into shards of metal as Morgana spits the spell. Arthur returns to see them still standing there, clutching each other.

“Is a side effect of the spell that you can’t let go,” he jokes, coming back to lead them out of the vault, “or is it just you two?”

When neither of them responds, he ushers them to Gaius without further comment.

Merlin nods when Gaius gives him a strange look, motioning to wait until Arthur is outside, standing guard.

“I’m sorry,” both Morgana and Merlin say at the same time, before Morgana clears her throat, “I’m sorry, Gaius, for everything. I didn’t know—Morgause—the bracelet—I know that doesn’t make up for everything but—“

“It’s quite alright, Morgana,” Gaius says, “I am not blameless either. And I am sorry.”

She accepts it with a quick jerk of her head. “I’m still angry. But until I know which of the anger is mine and which is hers, I’m…I can’t…”

She rolls her shoulders back.

“You have nothing to fear from me.”

Gaius bows his head humbly. “And you shall find no more loyal a servant.”

Morgana glances to Merlin and mouths except for you.

Merlin blushes.

Gaius shoos him out to tend to the last of Morgana’s wounds and to make a potion to clear the last of the magic from her, leaving Merlin stumbling into the corridor and running straight into Arthur’s arms.

“There you are,” he says softly, helping Merlin stand, “has Gaius told you you’re alright?”

“He said there’s nothing else for me to do but rest,” Merlin manages, before remembering that he needs to tend to Arthur, “but I can—I’ll help you first.”

Arthur just hums and starts walking them back to his chambers. They pass others, tending to wounds, hugging their loved ones, until they push open the doors to Arthur’s rooms and Merlin’s shoulders slump. His fingers fumble a few too many times for it to be considered efficient, but before long Arthur is free of his armor and Merlin all but collapses onto the table, having struggled to hang the last of it up.

“Will there be anything else, sire?”

Please, no. Let me rest.

“Yes, actually, Merlin, come here.”

He winces, pulls himself together and turns, ready to answer whatever Arthur’s going to have him do next, only to frown. In the time it took him to get Arthur’s armor cleared away, Arthur’s filled a small basin with water and set it on a table next to the bed. He opens his mouth to ask what Arthur wants when Arthur beckons him closer.

“Arthur, what—“

“Sit, Merlin,” Arthur says in the soft voice from the vault, taking him gently by the arm and guiding him to the bed, “there. I’m going to clean you off.”

“What? I’m fine!”

“You’re not,” Arthur corrects, still speaking in the voice that is making it very hard for Merlin to stay awake, “now hush and raise your arms.”

“Why?”

“Your tunic is filthy.” Arthur gives the material a tug. “And I need to see where you’re hurt.”

“‘M not hurt.”

“Morgana said you were poisoned. That means you’re hurt. Where did they get you?”

“…back.”

“On your back? Alright. Let’s go ahead and get this off you…”

Arthur’s hands are steady as he guides the tunic up and over Merlin’s head, followed by a sharp inhale as he sees the bruises from the chains.

“…Merlin, this looks like you were tortured.” Merlin can’t do anything but blink up at him. “You said the poison was on your back?”

Merlin nods.

“Here, I’m going to lean you forward, you just lean against me, alright?”

Arthur’s hand cups Merlin’s head, pulling him forward until he rests against Arthur’s chest. He loses himself in the slow card of fingers through his hair as Arthur leans over him to check where the poison must’ve been. When he feels a warm hand run over the still-tender wound, he winces.

Arthur stills. “Here?”

Merlin nods. “Two—two—wait, how long has it been since I got back?”

Arthur is quiet for a moment. Then he pulls away, hushing the embarrassing noise of protest that comes from Merlin’s throat.

“I’m not going far, just right here.” He takes a cloth and dips it in the water. “Let me clean your face.”

A warm hand slots itself under Merlin’s chin and lifts. A moment later, there’s a cool cloth on his face, stroking along his cheeks, over his forehead. Arthur asks him to close his eyes and the cloth sweeps gently, so gently over his closed eyes, getting away the salt and the dirt and the last of the tears.

“Shh,” Arthur soothes when Merlin lets out a pained noise, “it’s alright. I’m not hurt, you’ll be alright, I’m right here.”

“‘Rthur—“

The cloth leaves, dropped back onto the table as Arthur cradles his head in his hands. “You’re exhausted, Merlin, but I need you to open your eyes for me.”

For Arthur. He can do it for Arthur.

Arthur smiles encouragingly as he meets his gaze, kneeling by the bed so Merlin won’t strain his neck. He ruffles Merlin’s hair.

“There you are,” he murmurs, “now show me where it hurts.”

“Hurts?”

“You don’t have a fever, I checked, but you’re still in pain. I need you to show me.”

“I, um…”

“Hey,” Arthur calls, standing again to tuck Merlin into his arms, “you don’t have to be embarrassed, not with me, I’m here to look after you, it’s alright.”

“It—the magic—it—from the—“ Merlin swallows— “the magic from the staff and the poison, it—it hurt.”

Arthur makes a sympathetic noise, reaching for the cloth again. “Took a lot out of you, hmm?”

Merlin nods miserably, only to yelp in surprise when Arthur tilts him back, held with one arm around his back and the other pressing the cool cloth just below his chest.

“I’ve got you,” he says quietly when Merlin lets out another confused noise, pressing the cloth into the hollow of his ribcage, “just lay back and trust me, alright?”

Arthur props himself up on the bed, Merlin almost dipped in his arms as he holds the cloth still. The cool water almost feels like it’s drawing some of the pain out of him, making him sag into Arthur’s arms.

“Shh, that’s it, just a little longer.” Arthur turns the cloth so the cool side stays against Merlin. “Does that feel good?”

Merlin nods. His head lolls against Arthur’s shoulder, his eyes threatening to close. They blink open once Arthur starts talking again.

“You were dying,” he says quietly, looking at Merlin, “when you were gone those two days, weren’t you?”

Merlin nods.

“Oh, Merlin, I’m sorry.” His thumb rubs a soothing circle into his side. “No one will touch you again, I won’t let them.”

Something in Arthur’s voice makes him want to melt, stay here, safe in the crook of Arthur’s arms, but he can’t. If Arthur notices the way he rouses himself again, he doesn’t comment. Instead, he just turns the cloth over again.

“Something happened down there,” he says softly, “between you and Morgana, didn’t it?”

Merlin tenses.

“Not like that, Merlin,” Arthur chuckles, “but something happened when you broke the staff, didn’t it?”

He nods hesitantly. Arthur rolls his eyes.

“I do pay attention. I know what Morgana’s like. You two were practically inseparable when I first arrived.” The arm holding Merlin gives him a little squeeze. “You don’t have to tell me what it is, just…tell me, will you two be alright?”

He nods again. He’s sure of that.

“Good,” Arthur murmurs, setting the cloth aside. Merlin tries to sit up only for Arthur’s arm to hold him steady. “No, no, you stay. Here…there you go.”

Merlin blinks, a little confused when Arthur lays him tenderly out onto the bed. He props himself up on his elbows as Arthur bustles to the wardrobe, fetching a nightshirt for Merlin and helping him into it.

“What—“

“You’re exhausted, Merlin,” he says like that explains everything, “stay here tonight. Sleep.”

“I can’t do that, you—ah!“

“Shh, shh, hey, easy,” Arthur soothes, wrapping his arms around Merlin as he doubles over, a hand pressed hard to his chest.

Merlin bites back a whimper as another bolt of pain shoots through his chest. Damn Serket poison. Dimly, he realizes Arthur’s right. There’s no way he’s going to be able to make it back to Gaius and explain what’s going on.

Then he realizes as he’s been dealing with this, Arthur’s moved him.

He’s tucked up under the prince’s blankets, a pillow under his head, his boots and rough trousers removed. Next to him, Arthur reaches out to cradle him against his chest, rubbing soothing circles into his back. He lets out another mewl as Arthur gentles away the pain in his shoulders. There’s a warm hand under his chin, guiding it up. Arthur tilts his head and chucks Merlin lightly.

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

Oh.

Arthur’s worried.

“It hurts,” he manages, “it just—it hurts.”

Arthur makes a sympathetic noise, pulling him closer and tucking his head under his chin. He rolls them, Merlin on top, his knees coming up to bracket Merlin’s body as he strokes a warm hand up and down Merlin’s back.

“I’ve got you, sweetheart,” he murmurs, Merlin’s head safely in the crook of his neck, “it’s over now.”

“It’s over?”

“Yes, sweetheart, you’re safe. I’m right here.” Arthur cuddles him closer. “The battle is over. Camelot is safe. Morgana is safe. I’m safe.”

He cups the back of Merlin’s head and brings his mouth to his ear.

“You can rest now, sweetheart. Just go to sleep,” he whispers, “go on…”

Arthur is here. Arthur is solid and holds him firmly. Arthur is big and warm and soft and Merlin is so, so, tired.

Rest, young warlock, he thinks he hears as he drifts off, and well done.

#merthur #merlin #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #morgana pendragon #dragonbabbles #fic

24 notes · View notes

mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years ago

Note

This is totally cool, lol! That's why I tagged you, I like different perspectives 🥰 and I adore lesbian Jenny

I've been thinking a lot about Jenny's character and sexuality lately since I'm in the middle of rewatching the show. I totally agree that she's attracted to women and most times she pursues guys it's mainly to increase social status and not because of genuine interest. Nate always felt different to me, though. Like, the two times she really pursues him is in season 2, when she's being homeschooled and trying to make it as a designer, and the end of season 3, which is after the whole Damien drama and she's just looking for someone who cares about her and respects her (I know you said once that it doesn't even feel romantic here, which I also agree with, poor girl just needs a connection). I do really see how it can be interrupted as comphet, though. Like she feels like she's supposed to be attracted to Nate because who wouldn't be?

I think the reason why I lean the other way is probably just projection. Jenny's been my favourite GG character since I first watched the show when I was 12, partly because I relate a lot to her, and since I'm bisexual... Add that plus the fact that I totally have had a crush on Nate and of course I'm gonna ship them. I've been relating to Jenny even more this time around cause I dropped out of school this year, so her season 2 arc really hit close to me. So this made my jenate feelings come back tenfold and also made me that much madder at Rufus, lol. I just wanted to go through the screen and shake his shoulders like "There are other paths than the one you want your daughter to have, not everyone has to go through life like society expects you to let your daughter carve out her own unconventional path you fucking idiot!" Luckily my parents have been way more supportive.

Mainly I just see Jenny as bi with a strong lean towards women, but I like to think about lesbian Jenny, too. It wouldn't exactly be the first time I had contradicting headcanons.

I don't know I just think it's really cool that different people can have such different interpretations of the same character. I think that's what's so interesting about fiction, to see how we view things differently depending on how we view and relate to things based on our own experiences. Tumblr can be so focused on hating people who disagree with you, but I like following people with different opinions, it helps me understand people better.

Yeah, I'm glad you tagged me!! back in November, some anons were mean to me about shipping Jenate (me??? who literally does not even - anyway) and ever since then I've been trying extra to ensure that Jenate shippers feel welcome on my blog - you may already know this, because I've brought it up before, but I'm saying it here to let you know that every time you tag me in your Jenate edits I get so happy that you're sharing something you're so passionate about with me!! I'm also a big believer of like........ making the content you want to see (a big part of why I even learnt to gif is because nobody was giffing Dan & Nate, and I was like...... that's the content I need, so if it's not already existing, I'm gonna make it happen!) so regardless of my feelings it's always so cool to see the way you conceptualise JN + their feelings re: each other, and your choice of scenes + lyrics (??? I'm not actually familiar with where you got the words for your edits, they're likely songs I haven't heard, haha) is just so interesting & good!

OH my full Jenny & Nate feelings are a lot more complicated than just comphet on Jenny's part. I feel like..... neither of them was romantically/sexually into each other? and that is kind of the appeal to me? I've always interpreted Nate's interest in Jenny during the s2 arc as sort of like - everything in his life is so unstable and undetermined, and here is Jenny who is so clear on who she is and what she wants, and he admires and respects that, and he wants to be there for her and support her, so when she kisses him he just sort of lets her take their dynamic wherever she wants to? that is very much the vibe I got. You already know how I feel about lesbian Jenny, I mean, you quoted my meta right back at me :'))

but I DO agree with you that Nate is different from the other guys to Jenny. JN have this really specific kind of honesty to them - well, when Jenny wasn't spiralling and trying to get power and acting out, and when the writers actually cared? I still think that NJ had the potential to be a SOLID dynamic but the writers made it sorta unhealthy on the show :(( - but I've spoken abt moments like in seventeen candles and the empire strikes jack before, where they're both able to be emotionally vulnerable around each other in ways we don't see them be with anyone else. I've even compared that to what I like about Derena, whom everyone knows I ship in every possible way, haha. But there's something about characters who trust each other and allow themselves to be honest with each other in ways that they wouldn't otherwise EVER be - especially with characters like Jenny & Nate who have spent so long trying to seem fine and okay even when they're really not.

I honestly really like the idea of queerplatonic Jenate - they're life partners, they're each other's rock, they're each other's person - but it's not romantic OR sexual - and for Nate & Jenny, whose adolescence has involved navigating other people sexualising them so much + not having the best track record with romantic relationships - for them, I feel being qpps gets REALLY interesting, because you get all the perks of a relationship without the romantic/sexual obligations? (obligations isn't the best word, but i don't know what else to use here? LOL) and that's something i love to explore.

I feel like book Jenny was bi! The way she gushed about Nate, whom she canonically had a crush on, and the way she gushed about Serena were EXACTLY the same. Also YES I love multiple headcanons always, it's a lot of fun seeing people explore that!!! I know people who have aroace readings of Jenny, or aro lesbian / ace lesbian readings of her, and I find that really cool, too!

I also definitely get you about relating to Jenny a lot, and feeling that kind of connection. It's similar to how I feel about Dan, and .... explains a lot of my contradicting dair views, actually. A few years ago I had a seriously intense crush on a girl who was... a lot like Blair, in many ways. I spent a ridiculous amount of time writing poetry about her, etc etc, but I never actually acted on it. If she'd fabricated schemes that involved us kissing, though..... I don't know. I don't think I would've denied it if I'd felt like I actually had a chance. I think we just had a case of bad timing, & I like to think in another universe, maybe we were actually together for a bit. I'm glad that your parents are supportive of you and better than Rufus! <3

I think that's what's so interesting about fiction, to see how we view things differently depending on how we view and relate to things based on our own experiences <- THIS exactly! this is a big part of why that "proship" is in my bio. like this is exactly what it means to me and how I conceptualise & understand it!!! Like you, I also like engaging with people who have different understandings and opinions of the characters -> it definitely helps you make new friends you would otherwise not meet by staying in your bubble, & from a fandom point of view, it also helps you develop a more nuanced understanding of a character. Some of the best written Jenny Humphrey I've read was in Jenate fics - and I've had people who don't even ship Blenny tell me they liked the way I wrote Jenny in my post canon blennyfic, so... idk. it's loving Jenny hours - each and every single iteration of Jenny!!!

#long post #edmundapologist #jenate #i would usually like . put a post of this length under a read more #but i don't know where i would insert that here? so this is how it turns out i guess #meta #also adding the #personal #tag. this feels mildly TMI but it's nothing i haven't said before in tags #this is the first time i'm Formally putting it out here though #tumblr user rainathorpe came THIS close to having an irl dair arc... hashtag so much for that #ALSO ! sometimes i tag stuff like that because like -#my blog kind of serves as a record or journal for ME #sometimes i read thru my own posts like 'so true bestie' fghgklhf #which i think is the best way to run a tumblr. be your own audience!#thank you for this ask btw - it's very sweet!! <3

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sparklingchan · 5 years ago

Text

Stray Kids AU

Stray kids in hogwarts

A/N: This was a very, very long pending AU and I'm so glad its turned out so good. I might have added some animals as patronus which are not actually mentioned in the books or movies or even pottermore but bear with me lmao. Also the houses are totally based on my opinion so you're open to disagree but please don't hate on my work :(

1. Bang Chan

House : Gryffindor

Patronus: Kangaroo

Wand : Aspen wood with Phoenix feather core (10 inches)

Favorite subject : Astronomy

Part of the dueling club and the quidditch team.

Born to a muggle mother and a pure blood father, Chan had spent most of his childhood in normal muggle schools,among other muggle children.

At home,though,he was surrounded by magic all the time. The moving pictures,the flying broomsticks ,the talking doormats,his gryffindor parents had a hard time explaining things to him at home.

On the day he received the letter of acceptance from Hogwarts ,his happiness saw no bounds. He spent the next few days imagining his life there,captivated by the stories his father told him.

And when the day arrived,he was more excited than anyone else on the Hogwarts Express to be finally visiting the place he had heard so much about.

During the sorting ceremony,the moment the hat touched Chan's head, it immediately yelled 'Gryffindor !'

By the end of his second year,he was already a seeker in the Gryffindor quidditch team and also an active member of the dueling club.

He was easily liked by teachers and students and his friendly, sweet nature was what made you fall head over heels for the quidditch team captain in your 6th year at Hogwarts.

You two were the same age but you being in Hufflepuff and him being in Gryffindor, you could only admire him from afar.

Having played with him on the same field for years ,it was hard not to admire the brilliant boy from Gryffindor everyone adored.

But you only got to know him properly when you guys ended up at the hospital wing after a tough game of quidditch against each other.

And needless to say,your relationship changed completely from that day onwards.

2. Lee Minho

House: Slytherin

Patronus: Cat

Wand : Cedar wood with dragon heartstring core (7 inch)

Favorite subject: Defense against the dark arts.

Part of the dueling club.

Born to pure blood parents, Minho had grown up fascinated by magic and the idea of one day being able to use it on his own.

The day he received his acceptance letter, he had danced around the whole house in excitement of going to a place where he'd have no restrictions on magic whatsoever.

And when he finally stepped into the infamous castle,he was spellbound by the beauty of the place and the mystical world surrounding it.

His parents,though both ravenclaw themselves,always knew that Minho would one day be sorted into Slytherin.

And they were absolutely right because the moment the professor put the sorting hat on his head, it said 'Slytherin!' in a thundering voice.

He was a mischievous, witty yet charming person. All the ladies would swoon over him and when he joined the dueling club in his 4th year,his popularity increased even more.

Being from the same house as him,you would often bump into him in the common room or the hallways and just like all his other admirers,you would patiently wait for him to notice you one fine day.

You two were good friends,at the least and you've also noticed that he talked to you more than any other person despite being so famous.

Not wanting to give false hope to yourself ,you denied it everytime people asked you if you two were dating but deep down,you wished you were .

During your 5th year,you got into trouble with the teachers for a small prank you played on those annoying Gryffindor girls, resulting in you not getting your parents' signature for a trip to Hogsmeade.

You were super upset and angry until Minho came into the common room,asking if you wanted to spend the day together since you both were the ' only Slyhterins ' in Hogwarts at that moment .

You agreed, of course, and that turned out to be the best decision of your life.

3. Seo Changbin

House : Hufflepuff

Patronus: Bunny

Wand : Cherry wood with dragon heartstrings core (9 inch)

Favorite subject: Potions

Part of the dueling club and Chess club.

His parents were both muggles who had never known anything about magic or Hogwarts so they were a very confused when their little son started doing things which didn't have any logical explanation behind their occurrences.

When Changbin received the Hogwarts acceptance letter,he was THRILLED.

His parents agreed right away,happy that there was a place where Changbin might meet people like himself and feel more at home than he ever will in the muggle world.

His sorting ceremony was very intresting ,mostly because the hat took so much time choosing between Slytherin and Hufflepuff and finally decided he belonged to the latter.

Changbin had a vibrant aura around him,making it very easy for him to make friends and acquire the teacher's favour.

A smooth talker and quick thinker,Changbin quickly found a place in the dueling club and the chess club.

He was also your best friend since the first time you met him at the Hogwarts Express.

Coming from pure blood parents,you explained everything to him patiently and answered his questions without complaining.

And even though you got sorted into Ravenclaw,your bond with Changbin stayed the same till the 4th year.

For years you had repressed your romantic feelings for him but one fateful night in your 4th year,during Christmas Eve,you ended up spilling out your feelings in front of him.

Needless to say,he was glad that he could finally call you his girlfriend,something he'd wanted to do since the first time he entered the halls of Hogwarts with you by his side.

4. Hwang Hyunjin

House : Gryffindor

Patronus: Llama

Wand: Alder wood with unicorn hair core ( 10 inch)

Favorite subject : Transfiguration

Part of the quidditch team and gobstones club

Born to pure blood parents,Hyunjin had been introduced to magic from a very young age and naturally, he found comfort in it.

It was his birthday when he received the letter of acceptance and instead of the expected reaction of excitement, Hyunjin looked very proud.

The castle walls echoed with the stories his parents told him and it didn't feel like he was going to a boarding school at all ; it felt like he was coming home.

His sorting ceremony too was quick . The moment the hat was put on his head, "Gryffindor " it yelled with pride.

He was very famous among the female students as well as teachers and as years passed by,his popularity only increased.

Although initially he only wanted to join the gobstones club, he ended up trying out for the quidditch team in his 3rd year.

Rejected in his first attempt,he tried out again in his 4th year but this time he had a different reason to try out ; you.

A quiet Hufflepuff with muggle born parents,you had caught Hyunjin's eyes when you were protecting your friends from some bullies.

He had never felt that way about any person before so when he tried to befriend you,he was surprised that you were colder than expected from a Hufflepuff.

Nevertheless, he continued bothering you for a long time and when he heard you were trying out for the quidditch team,he couldn't help himself .

Both of you got in the team and from there on,you and Hyunjin had a wonderful journey together.

5. Han Jisung

House : Slytherin

Patronus: Squirrel

Wand: Ebony wood with Phoenix feather core (7 inch)

Favorite subject: Potions

Part of the quidditch team and school choir

His mother was a pure blood while his father was a muggle, which means Jisung has had the best of both worlds since he was born.

Talkative and chatty,it was very difficult for him to be quiet about the flying utensils and moving pictures in his house,when around his friends.

His reaction to finally getting the letter of acceptance was a mixture of screams,yells and songs.

As his Slytherin mother predicated , he too got sorted into Slytherin almost even before the hat was put on his head.

He tried out for the quidditch in his first year itself and surprisingly,he got into it. By the 5th year,he was a potential leader of the team.

Jisung was also a very keen and creative man who found solace in music which lead him to join the choir in his second year at hogwarts.

Rumored to have been rejected by multiple people, Jisung didn't know that he had secret admirer who would do anything for him -You.

You were in Gryffindor and given the rivalry between your houses,your friends often discouraged you from talking to him so you only ever noticed him from a distance.

But it all changed when he once fell down the stairs of the hallway,and there was no one but you there.

You helped him up and took him to the hospital wing,all whilst he was partly passed out from falling down so many stairs.

When you went to visit him after he had recovered ,he gave you a soft peck on your cheek,thanking you and asked you if you wanted to go on a date with him someday.

And needless to say,you replied with a big yes!

6. Felix Lee

House : Hufflepuff

Patronus: Canary Bird

Wand : Chestnut wood with unicorn hair core (11 inch)

Favorite subject : Herbology

Part of the chess club and charms club

Felix was born to a pure blood father and a half blood mother who were both witty Slytherins back in their day.

When he received his acceptance letter from Hogwarts , his parents took him out on a fancy dinner to celebrate this small yet significant achievement.

Soft spoken and observant,the sorting hat took quite a while to choose between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff but finally ended up choosing the peaceful house of Hufflepuff for an equally peaceful Felix.

His years at Hogwarts were full of adventures, strong friendships and of course,magic.

Having a keen interest in chess ever since he was a child,he joined the chess club in his 2nd year. Never had he seen such big,life size chess pieces and he was more than sure he'd found his place in this huge old castle.

He was exceptionally good at charms spells which led his friends to encourage him to join the charms club and in his 4th year,he decided to finally give it a try too.

You ,too, were exceptionally talented in charms spells and your attention was immediately stolen by the smily boy from Hufflepuff the moment he joined the charms club.

You approached him first ,unusual for a proud ravenclaw like yourself , but you couldn't help yourself around his warm,welcoming aura.

Felix and you befriended each other quickly but both of you knew,deep down in your hearts that there was more to your relationship than just that.

Stolen glances and accidental brushing of hands became intolerable for you. Everyone noticed how you two just fit together ; like puzzle pieces.

You confessed to him first ,the night before your O.W.L exams and you were more than relieved when he told you he felt the same.

From that night on you and Felix have been inseparable and frankly speaking ,you wouldn't have it any other way.

7. Kim Seungmin

House : Ravenclaw

Patronus: Dog

Wand : Alder wood with dragon heartstrings core (11 inch)

Favorite subject : Defense against the dark arts

Part of the school choir and chess club

As one might expect, Seungmin was born to into a family of pure blooded Ravenclaws .

His training in magic started even before he joined Hogwarts and when he was finally given the letter of acceptance, he was filled with confidence and pride.

Obviously, just like every single member of his family tree,he too was sorted out into Ravenclaw ( although the hat was very close to placing him into Slytherin)

He had a burning passion for singing which led him to join the school choir a few months into his first year at Hogwarts.

He didn't have a very huge friend circle ,he liked to stay within his own circle and one would rarely see him going out of his way to make new friends, but you on the other hand were the most famous girl in Ravenclaw.

Desired by many ,envied by some and adored by most ,you were a person who had people to talk to everywhere you go.

People liked being around you,not just because you were friendly and nice but also because hanging out with you would give their social status a huge boost.

But little did they know that as friendly as you appeared in public,you had your heart tightly guarded by high walls. Walls,which you only hoped one person would ever cross ; Seungmin.

Sitting in front the front rows of the classroom or in the dining hall, your eyes would often wander around into the corners where Seungmin would be sitting with his friends,laughing ,eating and enjoying.

Unlike popular belief,you were extremely bad at many things, most important of which was the defense against the dark arts, which coincidentally ( and much to your relief) was Seungmin 's best subject.

Taking the opportunity ,you asked him if he could help you with the subject and although reluctant in the beginning, he agreed to it.

Soon ,you started spending hours in the library with him . Sometimes studying,sometimes just talking. You started missing your social gatherings just to be with him.

You enjoyed his quiet yet honest personality and realised you'd rather have one honest person in your life than hundred liars who pretended to like you.

And when he kissed you late one night in the library ,you knew he too would rather have you than anyone else.

8. Yang Jeongin

House : Gryffindor

Patronus: Fox

Wand : Cherry wood with unicorn hair core (8 inch)

Favorite subject : Herbology

Part of the choir and quidditch team.

Jeongin was born to a Slytherin mother and a Ravenclaw father,both of whom were from pure blood families.

Young and curious, he often found himself intrigued by the magic used by his parents and patiently waited until he could do the same as he grew up.

Receiving his acceptance letter was both a joyous and sad moment for him ; joyous because he'd finally be with people like him,sad because he'd have leave his parents house for most of the year.

Although his parents predicted him to be sorted into either Hufflepuff or Slytherin,they were surprised when the sorting hat yelled 'Gryffindor ! '

Like Seungmin, he too had a passion for music and he soon joined the school choir.

Joining the quidditch team, on the other hand was a result of constant nagging by his father who claimed he was a great player back in his days.

Jeongin didn't expect to get in but he did and that's what led him to you - a curious eyed Hufflepuff who was often bullied for being muggle born.

He would see you running away shyly from your bullies in the hallways but when on the quidditch field,you were a complete monster.

He too had tasted defeat at your hand but he liked it anyway . He liked everything about you.

And when years later,he asked you out on an official date, he reminded you of that defeat and made you promise to never leave his side to compensate for what you had done.

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itsclydebitches · 5 years ago

Note

[1] Hi! I hope you don't mind, but can I ask a sorta uncomfortable question? I wanna ship cloqwork because I like their character dynamic, but at the same time I get uncomfortable because when Qrow enrolled at Beacon (at "the right age," as specified by Raven) he would've been 17 - legally not an adult. Ozpin would've had a disproportionate amount of power over him, both as a legal adult and as his teacher.

Hi, Anon!

I apologize in advance that this response is probably going to be all over the place. I’ve got a lot of thoughts about this and very little ability right now to put them into a cohesive order. So we’re just chucking it all out lol.

First, there’s absolutely no need to apologize for being on anon. That’s what it’s there for! I think tumblr has developed a view of the anonymous option that, on the whole, isn’t particularly useful. In our efforts to call out those who are sending flames/hate under the comfort of anonymity (which you obviously are not), there’s no need for anyone to “prove” themselves by going off of it. You’re using anon because you (justifiably) fear how the fandom might react to these questions. I often use anon because I abandoned my “main” account years ago and dislike sending messages from it. There’s a huge range of reasons why someone might want to be on anon and ultimately it doesn’t matter why we use the tool that’s been provided to us. It’s there, so never feel bad about going anon for any reason :)

Onto the ozqrow! Or yes, onto the cloqwork. I learned “ozqrow” first so it’s pretty embedded in my head, but I agree that “cloqwork” is the more sophisticated of the two ;) Anyway, yes. There are potentially ways that we can view the relationship as unhealthy… with the key word there being potentially. AKA, as headcanons. No, Qrow wouldn’t have been an adult when he entered Beacon, but who’s to say a relationship began then? Some fans might like to imagine that despite the real world issues attached. Others—like you and me—would not. The important thing is that we both have the space to achieve whatever interpretation of the relationship we please. Far as I can tell, Qrow is 37 at the youngest. Four years at Beacon (17-20), 15 years after Summer’s death (35), and then roughly 2 years of in-canon present time (37). Realistically, he’s probably older than that. Based on the relationship dynamics it seems that Tai didn’t date Summer until he broke up with Raven and given Yang’s age compared to Ruby’s, that adds two years. So Qrow is probably around 39. Even that’s assuming that Raven had Yang right after Beacon. If she didn’t we could push the timeline another year or two, putting Qrow in his early 40’s. I lay all this out to demonstrate that… that’s a lot of time. How old “should” Qrow be before he enters a relationship with someone? Obviously that answer differs from individual to individual, but let’s say for the sake of argument that he should be at least 25. That puts him 5 years out of Beacon, potentially older than when Raven had Yang, and roughly 6 years older than most of our main ships right now (Blake/Yang, Jaune/Pyrrha, Ren/Nora etc.) where fans argue very strongly that at 19 they’re already adults and are able to make informed decisions, be it about relationships or world-shattering secrets. So we’re already holding Qrow to stricter standards than other characters and that still leaves roughly 15 years for him and Ozpin to start something, all of which is time that takes place outside of the Teacher/Student dynamic. It’s a choice to prioritize “But he was his headmaster for 4 years” over “But they were equals for 2 decades.”

Now granted, there’s more to this relationship than just Qrow’s own age. I’ve also seen people bring up the age gap and, more recently, Ozpin’s “manipulation” of Qrow. In regards to the former, we simply have to acknowledge that Ozpin is screwed in that regard. Everyone is younger than him. Almost the entire cast. At some point nearly everyone we meet will have, at some point, been a child while Ozpin is an adult simply by virtue of Ozpin being a reincarnating wizard who has already lived at least a thousand years. The only exceptions to this are Salem, the Gods, or Jinn, all of which are more “problematic” partners to my mind. Which again, isn’t to say no one can ship them together, just that it seems ridiculous to me that—if we’re really going to “justify” an in-canon relationship—we’d prioritize “Salem and Ozpin are the same age that’s so much healthier!” over “Salem abused Ozpin, killed their kids, and has hunted him for years on end. That’s... kind of not great!” It’s a matter of what parts of each relationship we choose to emphasize. And ozqrow is far from the only ship to grapple with this. In the witcher fandom I adore both Geralt/Jaskier and Geralt/Regis. Both of those ships have “issues” in regards to age. Is Jaskier not allowed to be with Geralt because he’s in his 30s and Geralt is in his 80s? Is Geralt not allowed to be with Regis because he’s in his 80s and Regis is in his 400s? When we talk about fantasy series we’re talking about species/races/abilities that are, obviously, fantastic. They don’t exist. Which means that real world concerns can’t perfectly map onto these scenarios. The question is not “Is a 1,000 year age gap problematic?” but rather “Are these both consenting adults who are in a position to make their own informed, romantic decisions?” To which we answer for ozqrow: yes. Unless we specifically imagine that the relationship began when Qrow was just a student but again, that’s purely headcanon. Emphasizing that non-canonical imagining of how a relationship might have started over the canonical years of working together as equal peers makes no more sense than going, “Yeah but there was a time when Regis was an adult and Geralt was just a kid, so if they’d met then it would have been super unhealthy so you shouldn’t ship them :/” They didn’t meet when Geralt was a kid. In the same way, Ozpin and Qrow didn’t start a relationship when Qrow was a kid for the simple reason that they have no canonical romance at all. That puts the power entirely in the viewers’ hands to imagine when/how such a relationship occurs.

Which leaves us with second issue mentioned: power dynamics and Ozpin’s “manipulation.” Take everything said above and apply it to this point too. That power dynamic only exists if we imagine a relationship while they’re headmaster and student. Which you can! Plenty of people want to write/read about such “problematic” stuff. That’s partly what fandom is for. But again, if that’s not your cup of tea there’s no reason to prioritize those 4 years over the 20 years we get later. I have heard some people say that the relationship is indefinitely imbalanced because of Ozpin’s age/power/leadership/whatever but… that simply makes no sense to me. Or rather, it seems hypocritical. Does that mean it’s “problematic” for Weiss to be with Ruby? After all, Ruby is the leader of their team and calls all the shots. What if Weiss feels like she can’t say no to her?? It’s terribly unhealthy. Does that mean Weiss can’t be with Blake? She was racist, after all, and comes from such a place of privilege. I’m not sure Blake is educated enough to hold her own with Weiss. Does this mean Blake can’t be with Yang? Blake comes from a very rich and powerful family whereas Yang is just a country girl… what if Blake uses that power against her somehow? Does that mean that Nora can’t be with Ruby? Or again, Weiss with Ruby? I mean, Nora is homeless and Weiss has been cut off from the Schnee line, so they might stay in a relationship purely out of fear of being abandoned--super unhealthy. These are all revised versions of things I’ve heard applied to ozqrow: Qrow shouldn’t be with Ozpin because Ozpin is his leader (Ruby/Weiss), because Qrow grew up in an “uneducated” tribe whereas Ozpin is clearly so sophisticated (Blake/Weiss), because Ozpin has power and connections that Qrow could never match (Blake/Yang), because Ozpin is tied to the life Qrow has built and breaking up supposedly threatens that. Which means he can’t ever break up. Which means Qrow is trapped. Which means it’s unhealthy (Nora/Ruby or Ruby/Weiss). They’re all warped, assumption based arguments that are only taken seriously when they’re applied to a ship that people are already inclined to dislike. The takeaway is that every relationship has power dynamics and every relationship has the potential to be “problematic.” Literally everyone. Give me any two people and I can spin some yarn about how one holds too much power over the other for the relationship to be healthy. Which isn’t to say that real power dynamics don’t exist that should be avoided (like a teacher/student relationship as you point out), only that fans are inclined to extend that past the point of logic in an effort demonize ships they don’t like. Someone having trauma in their past (which, again, is everyone at this point in the series) is not the same “power dynamic” as an adult grooming a child (which, again again, Ozpin didn’t do). So when we’re left with the acknowledgement that any relationship has the potential to be unhealthy, we have to ask… is it? And the answer is no. As you say, “We all know that canonically Ozpin ISN’T that kind of person.” That’s what trumps every headcanon and negative assumption. I could headcanon/assume that a Weiss/Blake relationship would be horrific because Weiss would be a racist ass to Blake and Blake would only stay with her because she’s determined not to “run away” from something again… but we don’t see evidence for that on screen and it literally never happens. In the same way, some fans like to headcannon/assume that a Qrow/Ozpin relationship would be horrific because Ozpin would use his power over Qrow in various ways… but we don’t see evidence for that on screen and it literally doesn’t happen.

If anything, post-Volume 6 I’d say there’s more of a potential problem with Qrow being with Ozpin. Meaning yes, as you point out Qrow has a lot of stuff in his past that makes him potentially vulnerable—toxic family environment, drinking problem, etc.—but we learn irrevocably in Volume 6 that so does Ozpin. He was manipulated by the Gods into accepting this “impossible” task. He was in an abusive relationship with Salem and, quite literally, didn’t survive it. He’s lived a thousand years of unimaginable trauma. He arguably was also an alcoholic at one point given the drinking we saw in Jinn’s flashback. He’s been betrayed time and time again by his allies… of which Qrow is a part. Arguably Ozpin has even more vulnerabilities than Qrow but both characters are in a position to hurt one another with those vulnerabilities: Ozpin could play on Qrow’s desire for family and Qrow could play on Ozpin’s need for support. That “could” is, again, important because it’s mostly headcanon speculation that chooses to see the relationship as inevitably negative… with the exception that canonically Qrow is the only one who we see using these vulnerabilities against Ozpin. The fandom likes to assume that Ozpin “manipulated” Qrow all these years but we simply never see that happening. In true RWBY fashion, RT gave Qrow a very damning sounding line—I gave up my life for you—and then let the fandom assume really negative connotations. In reality though what that line translated to was, “You trusted me despite the fact that I entered your school to learn how to kill you and your allies, then taught me how to be a better person and gave me a purpose in life: to help others, even if I’ve now learned I can’t fix it all in one lifetime.” Like yeah, what kind of horrible “manipulation”?? Ozpin’s supposed power over Qrow has only helped and benefited Qrow, despite how Volume 6 tried to paint that relationship as suddenly negative. What is said doesn’t align with what we’ve seen. In contrast, we do see Qrow using Ozpin’s vulnerabilities against him. He does betray him. He does punch him into a tree. He does help perpetuate those same lies to Ironwood. He does absolve Ruby without offering the same to Ozpin. He does then plant the seed—with absolutely no evidence—that he had a hand in Summer’s death. To be frank, Qrow has treated Ozpin like shit lately and it’s one of the (many) reasons why I hate Volume 6 and 7. Ozpin is coded as the perpetrator, but we never see him taking advantage of Qrow. Meanwhile, Qrow is coded as the victim, but we do see him taking advantage of Ozpin’s vulnerability. One character has helped the other flourish, the other has abandoned him in his greatest time of need. Right now I’d argue that the in-canon ship potential is “problematic” due to Qrow… but that doesn’t mean any of that has to impact fandom shipping. For me personally, I prefer to keep to Volume 1-5 material or AUs up until Qrow (hopefully) apologizes for his actions. Then I might feel inclined to write canon-based ozqrow content for Volume 8, or whenever we re-establish that respect (with AU elements involving giving Ozpin his own body. The Oscar situation is a whole other thing I’m not going to delve into here. Suffice to say, I’m considering Qrow and Ozpin as separate people right now). But even if they never make up, even if Qrow, or Ozpin, or both of them end up being completely toxic for one another, that doesn’t stop anyone from imagining something better for them in fandom. Fandom is transformative for a reason.

All of which isn’t to say that people have to like the ship (obviously) only that in the same vein it means that no one has to justify liking the ship either. Again, for me personally, I usually need some in-canon, healthy dynamic to work with in order to enjoy a ship. It’s why I love ozqrow because we did see that for 5 volumes and may indeed see it again. In contrast, it’s why I don’t love pairings like Yen/Geralt or Bakugo/Izuku because I don’t feel like I have a healthy foundation to work from and, for me, a healthy foundation is usually necessary (with some exceptions like my childhood love of Erik/Christine). But all those are preferences. They don’t—and shouldn’t—dictate anyone else’s enjoyment. Which is the problem when people don’t just assume that ozqrow is inherently unhealthy (which I hope I’ve somewhat helped to disprove here) but likewise assume that that’s necessary for anyone else to ship them. For you that potential coding of teacher/student and power dynamics might outweigh otherwise liking their dynamic and that’s fine! That’s a preference! But a preference doesn’t give anyone the right to throw shade at others for enjoying something different.

Which finally brings me back to the hypocrisy in all this. Ozqrow (and Blake/Yang) are the only ships I’ve come across in this fandom where the fans have to continually “prove” why their ships are valid. Not as potentially canonical relationships, but just as fandom-based ships. Just as fictional preferences we enjoy as a hobby. It says something about the fandom’s bias that we can watch Ilia, on screen, be one of the bad guys, kidnap Blake, try to murder her parents, try to ship her off to her abuser… and despite all this the fandom went, “Oh yeah. I could see them together.” But Ozpin and Qrow, who have supported one another for the vast majority of the series, suddenly need to provide receipts for how healthy their relationship is and if you don’t do a good enough job proving that, it’s cancelled. That’s messed up. None of these ships are “bad.” Ilia/Blake shippers should go wild with that potential! It’s just an issue of comparison and applying different, rigged standards to certain ships. This is a fandom where people ship the heroes with the likes of Cinder, Roman, Raven, Ilia, Salem, Tyrian… tons of killers and would-be killers, characters who have done objectively horrifying things. But it’s when two loving adult men might get together that it’s suddenly too “problematic”? That says more about that bias than it does the ship. For you, anon, if I’ve failed to alleviate those concerns and that coding means ozqrow isn’t really your thing? Great! You can drop the ship, involve yourself only in AUs, or anything in between. That’s how fandom should work. The problem lies not in asking polite questions about how we might interpret a relationship in canon (which as said in the original reblog I greatly enjoy doing!) but rather in some fans’ tendency to demand a moral standard from a ship that none other is held to and then when fans inevitably fail to meet that standard, they’re criticized for daring to like the ship in the first place. Ultimately whether you end up shipping/liking ozqrow is up to you—which is precisely where the power should be. In your hands, not the hands of someone on tumblr trying to make others feel guilty.

#rwby #ozqrow #rwde #mymetas #Anonymous

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aspiestvmusings · 4 years ago

Text

ZEP PARALLELS: S2 vs S1

POSSIBLE SPOILERS?

WARNING: Super long post.

Parallels & Similarities (and differences) between S1 & S2

Includes episodes 2x01, 2x02, 2x03:

2x01 Zoeys Extraordinary Return

Wake-up songs/Zoey & Mo: Opening the season with Zoey being woken up by Mo singing "in real life" & waking her up. "Rise up" in 2x01 AND "Angel of the Morning/Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go" in 1x01. We first see Zoey in her bedroom. And the first two characters we meet are Zoey & Mo.

Zoey + baby: In both premieres Zoey has an encounter with a baby. In 2x01 we see her interact with her brother's son (the new baby, Miles) VS in 1x01 she encounters new mom with a baby on the cable car during the first ever big musical number she experiences (Help!) #whenwillshestarttohearthebabysheartsongs

Clarkeman & Coffee: The first Zoey/Max scene/interactions happens over "coffee break before work". In 2x01 we see them meting up for a coffee on a park bench before she heads over to work VS in 1x01 we see them getting coffee at the cofee bar on their way to work. In both scenes Max, her best friend, encourages/supports her (you will get the promotion VS it's a shield...to shield you from the world when you need it").

Jumping to conclusions: In 2x01 Zoey assumes that Max giving her the small jewelry box means he's proposing ("Relax, I'm not proposing") VS In 1x02 Zoey assumes that Max is asking her on a romantic dinner date, when he tells her he won the lottery to the restaurant they both love. ("Thursday night. Is it a date?" / "Is it a date?" "No! I just mean like can you go?")

Legs up!: Peoples legs getting close to Zoey's face during big musicals numbers: Leif's & Simon's during "Hello Dolly" in 2x01 at the 4th floor bullpen VS Joan's during "Satisfaction" in the elevator in 1x03.

Promotion: In 1x01 Zoey wants the promotion & has an "interview" with Joan to get it VS in 2x01 she does not want the new job (added responsibility, when she jsut wants to "lay low") but Joan just asks her to take it. And by the end of the episode she gets the promotion/accepts the promotion, and we see her "first day at work on the new job". And in both episodes she has a competitor - Leif, who is also interested in a promotion.

Interesting: In 2x01 Mo tells Zoey "So the powers are back - you're interesting again!" VS 1x01 when she tells him about her new superpower Mo tells Zoey: "This is the 1st thing I find remotely interesting about you".

Mo is the honest friend: In 2x01 Mo speaks the honest truth... which is what Zoey actually needs to hear JUST LIKE he has been doing throughout S1. He might not always say the nicest things, but he's alwyas honest. And its what Zoey's character needs. (eg. Mo knows that she just lost her dad & it's a hard time for her, but her problems are still not bigger than everyone elses. Or like he calls her out on her chase/hesitation over the two teams in S1)

Tech-savvy Zoey to the rescue: In 2x01 Zoey uses her tech skills to "hack into Mitch's e-mail account" when her mom can't find the password & access it for info she needs (that dad left them) VS in1x03 Zoey comes up with a way to communicate with Mitch... (after David comes up with the Yes/No buzzer) & creates a computer program which allows him to type his answers using a mouse.

Etsy: In 2x01 Joan tells Zoey "I like your sweater, its cute that you shop at Etsy" VS in 1x01 Tobin tells Zoey: "I thought you would be doing each others nails & buying matching tote-bags off Etsy in there."

Blessing or curse? In 1x12 Zoey told her dad that she has chosen to look at her musical power more like a "gift/blessing" (it allowed her to communicate with dad, helped her form bonds with others, help people...) and she said she's not minding the big musical numbers the way she used to. She even considers they're helpin g her instead. VS in 2x01 she tells Mo that she hopes the power won't return & when it does, she finds it "overwhelming" & cannot deal with any of it.

Bottling it up: In 2x01 George sings "Don't cry out loud. Just keep it inside. And learn how to hide your feelings." That song is as much about George's feelings about being the new guy, as it is another reference to Zoey's state of mind VS in 1x01 we learn that both Zoey & Simon keep their grief emotions bottled up (and they should not). As the dilogue from the Pilot already told us: Zoey: "Are you talking to anyone about this?" Simon: "Other than you? No. I've become a real expert of bottling my shame & pain, and hiding it from the world." Zoey: "I'm not an expert on this or anything, but you cant just keep it in."

Family & Grief: The Clarke family all singing "Carry on" & sitting down the table to eat dinner together at the end of 2x01... with a happy note about the future in their minds VS The Clarke family all singing "American Pie" on the funeral day at the end of 1x12, and all sitting at the living room (on the coach, chairs)...with a sad note about the present in their minds.

The premiere episodes end with a "surprise" Max (and Zoey) "twist": ep 1x01 ends with a surprise heart song from Max which makes Zoey & the viewers aware of his feelings for her VS 2x01 ends with a surprise decision from Zoey where she "chooses Max". Also parallels to 1x12: in both 2x01 & 1x12 Zoey comes onto/kisses Max as he's telling her about his new outlook on life & business ideas. In both cases she's (partly) trying to forget grieving her dad, and needs him for the distraction. Both endings were "sudden" & "unexpected"

Family picture wall: In 2x01 Maggie is holding baby Miles (her grandson) & "showing him" the family photos on the wall VS in 1x01 Zoey sees her & dad's reflection on the picture on the wall...as Mitch first communictes with her... by singing his first heart song to her.

Move forward: Zoey's words to Max about the business plans & their relationship actually apply as much to herself and her grief as they do for this situation: "You should absolutely move forward with it" & "You always have to move forward"

2x02 Zoeys Extraordinary Distraction [+ (base)balls]

Hooking up: In 2x02 Zoey says to Max "we have been hooking up for the last 5 minutes" VS in 1x12 she tells her dad "I just hooked up with my best friend". In both cases Zoey makes the first move & kisses Max. In both hooking up scenes the popcorn is forgotten...

She/They both want to believe she's feeling the moment & is ready, but it is mostly just one coping mechanism... her way of distracting herself from the grief. Cause in no way has she shown signs of actually choosing him. [what dawned on the characters only 2 weeks later was obvious to viewers before they "got together" aka the moment she "chose him"]

We saw her pick a team, but there have been no actual reasons or feelings expressed by her why she chose him (the reasons she gave in "act five" were about her needing him at the moment, not about why or how she really feels about him). The writing has still not included her POV & her sharing her feelings (cause she’s not ready for that...yet) They gave small glimpses during few scenes, but no real look into it.

Get out!: Tobin being kicked out of the meeting by DMD/Zoey - "Get out, Tobin"/"Would you like to get out, Tobin?" AND Zoey getting kicked out from the makeover night by Mo - "Get out!" / "Girl, I don't care that you look like Rafiki. Get out!"

That came out wrong: Zoey told Simon in 2x02 about making his job not so easy "I am gonna ride you so...hard... Nope, that came out wrong"...She adds the last part as she hears herself say the words. VS Tobin was talking about being commited to work in 1x08 by saying "Hardworking, committed, serious. Watch how fast I nail this. Speaking of nailing... Nope, not gonna make the joke.." He adds the last part as he hears himself say the words

Food stealer: Zoey "I steal food from my best friends plate/bowl" Clarke. She ate from his plate during their dinner date at her place. And then she ate from his cereal bowl during the Clarke family breakfast "the morning after".

Older siblings: Jenna's is the less successful older sibling/sister (2x02) just like Leif is the less successful older sibling/brother (1x05). They both feel like "not enough" compared to their younger sibling(s), who they feel are more "perfect".

Cardigan buddies: Leif & Zoey: cardigan buddies! Interestingly these two are the two 4th Floor Team members, who are most similar: both have a bike/like cycling (Leif often hs his bicyle helmet on his desk, so he rides a bike to work & Zoey has a bike in her apartment). Both love to wear cardigans, and the wardrobe department often has them in matching outfits/colours...Same this week. Both were/are the team members, who are in many ways "biggest messes" (most awkward), but both had/have the most ambition...they wanted and got the promotions. Both struggled in their new manager position..at first (and got help and good advice from their boss).

Team Leaders: Leif doing all the work alone (and exhausting himself...because he wants to be liked & hasn't yet settled into his new role as team leader... He has to learn to be their boss, ot just their buddy...to get the team listen & for there to be teamwork) VS Zoey doing all the work alone (pre-S1 when she wanted the promotion +) during S1 when she had just become the boss: sending everyone home, cause they "didn't try hard enough", and fixing all the issues alone... VS Mo wanting to do it all alone in his early 20s (when he took over the project he had been working on with his best friend, cause "he's too good at goobyes") Both struggled with the new job, both got help/advice from their boss (Zoey from Joan & Leif from Zoey)

Sleeping at work: Lief being woken up by Zoey in 2x03 after he falls asleep when pulling an all-night at work (working all night) VS Simon waking up Zoey in 1x02 after she falls asleep at work (behind her desk) after pulling an all-nighter alone.

Leif's pants: In 2x02 Zoey tells Leif "Dust off your slim-fitting chinos" VS in S1 Joan makes a comment on Leif's pants. [I cannot remember the ep number right now]

Go big or go home!: We found out Mitch's/Zoey’s dads motto in S1. It's "bigger moments, bigger memories" AND In 2x02 Zoey goes for the "bigger moment" - she tailors their first time together to suit Max's wishes (it should be special: the swan & rose petals are more for him than her) VS In 1x07 Max organizes a flash mob to confess his love for Zoey (something she as her dad's daughter secretly appreciates). She calls it unexpected & amazing & while she runs, its not cause she does not appreciate the "big gesture". The only reason she is overwhelmed & runs is because she is doing everything in her power to bottle up her feelings towards Max (1x06 ending proved she has feelings for him) & she did not want to deal with them at the moment. (the flashmob is more his style, but she is not opposed to it)

Come here: Max saying "Come here" to Zoey in the 2x02 dinner date scene at her place & during act five bedroom scene AND Max saying the same line "Come here" to Zoey in 1x12 during the "All of me/Pitbull" scene.

Mix of songs: In 2x02 during the Z/M bedroom scene the scene switched between different songs & tones (romantic/ballad vs comic/neutral baseball song VS romantic mutual duet) VS in 1x12 during the Z/M movie night turned more scene the scene switched between different songs & tones (romantic/ballad vs comic/fast song)

Dueting: In 2x02 Zoey joins Max for "A Moment Like This" during Act 5. She chooses to duet with him, becuase she feels the same way as he does. VS in 1x08 Max joins Zoey for "Pressure" at the CHIRP meeting... salvaging the presentation, when she involuntarely sings the songs (cause of the "glitch").

Opera songs + Sex: In 2x02 Zoey & Max are distracted by Mo singing opera & it's ruining the specialness of them trying to "do the nasty" VS in 1x04 Max sings opera the morning after he & Autumn "make their first love"

It’s a very not next-level move: In 2x02 during the morning after Max & Zoey are "caught" by her mom/family, and though it is awkward for a moment (because they seem to be surprised by the sudden change), meeting the family/parents does not seem such a next-level move, because Max has been kind-of part of the family for a while already. VS 1x05 where Max tells Zoey that meeting Autum's parents (he was dating her at the time) seems like such a next-level move, and she was not ready for any of it. VS all the times we saw Max interact with Zoeys family... in 1x02 with Mitch, in 1x06 helping the family with Mitch, in 1x12 with Maggie...

2x03 Zoeys Extraordinary Dreams [+ eggs]

NASA/Space theme: Zoey's NASA/space themed PJs and Tees + all the space references in both her childhood bedroom and her current apartment (telescope, posters, etc)

Musical nightmares/Dreams: In 2x03 Zoey is having a recurring nightmare where in the end she faces herself while the song "Nowhere to Run" plays #allbymyself VS in 1x02 Zoey was having a much happier weird dream...with a twist ending while the song "I've Got the Music in Me" plays

A sad Emma Stone Halloween costume: Black PJs Zoey wears in the nightmare in 2x03 are the same ones she wears in 2x01 on the last day of her time off. The look Mo calls "a sad Emma Stone Halloween costume" (as he suggests she put on some colours instead)

Coach & Photo on the wall: Basically the only items in the empty Clarke house during Zoeys nightmare are the coach (where Mitch used to sit all the time & where Zoey/the family sat in S1 finale...the day the music died) & the picture on the wall (where she saw Mitch reflection the first time he sang to her/communicated with her). Her nightmare/dance are directed at those objects.

Breaking glass: In 2x03 George breaks the glass wall/window of Zoey's/The bosses office when the team plays baseball at the office VS in 1x02 Zoey breaks the glass award/throphy in Simons office when she throws the american football ball. George & Zoey aka "I'm terrible around glass" people

On repeat: Zoey being hunted by the same nightmare/dream throughout the episode in 2x03... until she stopped trying to avoid them and talked about them/did something about it VS Zoey being haunted by the same song "(I Can't get no) Satisfaction" thoughtout episode 1x03... until she stopped avoiding it and helped Joan.

I can't get no sleep: Zoey not sleeping because of the nigtmares she's having VS David/Emily not getting any sleep because of the baby (most new parents are sleep-deprived, because babies don't always have the same sleep-schedule as adults do)

Mitch's/Zoey's spot on the coach: Zoey sitting on the coach with a blank look on her face at the end of "Nowhere to Run" nightmare VS Zoey sitting on the coach with a sad look on her face at the end of "American Pie" in 1x12 [in the nightmare shes sitting at MItch's spot, in s1 finale she's looking at the empty spot next to her]

Red dress: The red dress the OTHER Zoey is wearing in her nightmare as she opens her door VS The (same) red dress Zoey is wearing as she & her dad dance as instrumental version of "True Colours" is playing in 1x12 (as he's dying). Same dress.

Too much on her plate: Zoey taking on too many responsibilities and not being able to handle it. In S2 she is living the post-loss stage of grief + she's taken the new promotion and added jobs and responsibilities + she is avoiding dealing with her issues + she has started a new relationship (she is not ready for, actually) + she keeps hearing heart songs which kinda help her with knowing what others feel, but it's also distracting and overwhelming to her "reducing stress is a little tricky since I've taken over the 4th floor & have 10-times the respnsibility now"] VS in S1 she is dealing with losing her father soon + she's taken the new promotion and added job responsibilities + she is avoiding dealing with her own issues ("face her father") + she is helping people whose heart songs she hears. In S2 it kinda culminates in ep 3, in S1 it kinda culminated in ep 8. when she says "How do I do that? Because helping myself would mean taking a vacation from Sprk Point, or curing my father's disease."

Manager advice: In 2x03 Zoey asks Simon advice about how to manage all the extra work & he tells her about delegating work (sharing responsibiities) VS in 1x02 Zoey asks/gets help from Simon on how to manage the team (and still get to go home on time/get all the work done on time)

Not the right person to help: In 2x03 Zoey wants to hep her mom, but she feels like she's not the right person to do that, because she has no insight into the topic (does not know anything about landscaping & art) + she would probbly not have the time or energy right now, cause she has so much other things going on... VS in 1x11 she wants to help her mom, but feels since she has no personal experience (has not lost a husband of 4-years), she is not the right person to help her. Both times a heart-song heps her find the right person (in her opinion) for the job. In 2x03 it's Jenna, in 1x11 it was Deb.

No communication: In S2 & 2x03 Zoey is not really opening up to Max, but she is communicating her feelings to him...somewhat. Telling him about her nightmares/dreams, and that they're affecting her. Though not really going too much into the experience (because she hopes they will magically disappear if she wishes they will...) VS In S1 Zoey avoided opening up to Max & sharing her feelings with him more. Though she still uses the same tactics - trying to keep it all inside, and avoid dealing with her feelings and grief and everything related to it (hoping that if she avoids it then it doesn't exist...even if she probably knows that this is not how any of it works). She's trying to share a bit more with him, her best friend, but at the same time she is still bottling it all up inside...

My heart song does not mean what you think it means: In 2x03 Max says to Zoey after she hears a heart song from him (which he assumes might be that he is "jealous" that she talks to Simon, her grief-buddy at work about her personal life & nightmares) that "People can have a lot of thoughts in their heads without meaning them. / You can't read into it." VS Zoey's quote: "I don't know what that song is saying exactly what we think its saying" & "You can't be mad at me for singing a song I didn't mean to sing" in 1x08.

Dinner Date gone wrong: In 2x03 Max tries to cook a home-made dinner for Zoey (at her mom's place), but when she hears him singing a heart song it leads to an "argument" between the two and he leaves VS in 1x10 Simon tries to cook a home-made dinner for Zoey (at his new place), but when she hears him singing a heart song it leads to an "argument" and her leaving.

PS. Based on Zoey's reaction the song is either "Say Something" (because a person sings theei song until Zoey responds/helps..and she only did at the end of the episode) OR it's a reprise of a certain song fro S1 (but if I'm right not a song you'd expect) OR ... it's a completely different song... that we would not expect. And based on Zoeys reaction & the shows choice not to show/tell us the song... it has to be a "surprise", and if it would be simply "he's feeling jealous over Z/S grief connection" or if it was "Say Something"...that would not be a twist, but since I expect this to be setting up a future story, it'd be not very creative writing if it was one of these options. Which is why I have a theory... (I'm not sure about the song... I'm not even sure the showrunner/writer has decided yet... but I have a guess on the "theme/feelings")

Timing is off: In 2x03 Zoey & Max decide to put their new relationship on hold until she is ready...to give her time to grieve and work through the emotions VS in 1x10 Zoey & Simon decide to put breaks on their relationshop-to-be until he is ready... to give him time to work through his emotions.

Say Something/Happier: In S2/2x03 Zoey & Max are in a relationhip, but they do not communicate well. Because she does not open up to him about her grief & "he does not know how to help cause he has not had the same experience" VS in S1/1x05-1x09 Simon & Jessica are in a relationship, but they do not communicate well. Because he does not open up to her about his grief & she does not know how to help cause she has not had the same experience.

While there are similarieties in the storylines, there are also differences. S/J let the third party in the relationship, grief, get between them and it drove them apart, cause they stayed together until it broke them apart. Z/M came to a mature decision to not let the third party in the relationship defy them, they took a break so the grief would not end up breaking them apart.

PS. While we've ony seen the start of this storyline, I do believe that this is where it's going. They're not gonna repeat S/Js mistake, but instead they will "learn from it", and by deciding to take some time now they will be ready to continue where they left off once she's ready. Cause they both made the false assumption in 2x01 that she was ready. They were heading toward S/J, but theyre kinda trying to avoid that by the decisoon in 2x03.

Grief therapist: In S2 Simon is Zoey's grief councelor/therapist... he gives solid advice to her about her grief and how to deal with her feelings/emotions VS In S1 Zoey was Simon's grief councelor/therapist...she gave him often pretty solid advice about grief and how to deal with the situations. The roles have reversed.

Mind-reader: In 2x03 Max brings up the topic that he is unconfortable how Zoey can just "read his mind" and know everything he thinks & feels (have insight into how he feels...also about her), while he has no idea what she thinks/how she feels...because she won't really share. VS 2x02 When in Act 5 he says he'd like to know what she's thinking/feeling & she tells him what she's feeling VS 1x07 when Max bring up the fact that he is uncomfortable with her knowing how he thinks while he has no insight into her mind (after which she promises 100% honesty to him.... that she'll be open with him... which to this day she has not been able to really do) VS 1x04 when Mo expresses concern that she can read other people thoughts & he's not okay with her having insight into his private thoughts & feelings.

Time apart: In 2x03 Zoey puts some space between herself & Max, when they agree to take a break, cause she's not done grieving/not ready for a relationship VS In 1x02 Zoey puts space between her & Max when she sets him up with their barista in the previous episode (because she is not ready to let herself even consider romantic path between them, so she "fixes it")

THE END...for now

#ZEP #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #SPOILER #ZOEYS PLAYLIST #LIST POST #LONG POST #TEXT POST #CLARKEMAN #ZOMAX #ZAX #detained #PARALLELS #ZEP S1 #S1 vs S2 #ZEP S2

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btsandvmin · 5 years ago

Text

Collection of asks 2 - BTSandVMIN

I had to make a second one because the length of the first one was getting way too long. If you are curious about some of my older asks here is the link to my first collection post - Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN

I have this post because I feel some of the asks I answer are worth saving, for me personally, and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want to put them all in my Masterpost where I want to keep it a bit more structured for my longer posts and analysis. So for asks that are more about answering specific questions or about general things or my feelings I will put them here.

Asks are written more in the moment than my usual posts, so they might be less accurate as it’s all mostly from the top of my head. The newest ones will actually be on top, and then they will get older going down the list. I’ll update it regularly as I answer more asks. :)

Look at jhope's interaction with maknae line

Sorry for spamming with asks

You're so right about how any ship can be possible if you focus on it

I reject any idea of a couple being pushed to protect another

What do you think of vmin’s busan forehead kiss?

About tae changing the choreo of fake love

What do you think of that famous ji/kook trip together ?

"Friends" doesn't speak about a friendship to me and the title seems like a way to "hide" the true meaning. Thoughts?

I honestly do feel his "best" friend is only ever needed when it's convenient to him

When j/k wore matching shirts asked them something like are u guys dating Its so differnt from his rn to vmin

Looking at th and jm for what they are or represented to be their bond shouldn't be taken at face value. Just reminding that jealousy amongst bandmates do exist

Jimin kissed tae on the pretext of kissing tanny. tae blanked out for a few secs after that

Jin in Jimins Festa profile this yr called Tae his "Bf" and then the next word is "best friend"

I dont think vmin or any other ship in bts for that matter are in any form of relationship right now.

Kind of agree with vmin not spending much time together outside of work & things they do/say barely even give off that "possibly a couple" vibe in general

IF feelings are involved, who do you think fell first and why?

You already said that you ship them, but do you think that they're real?

I found it kinda weird how jimin apparently "didn't know" 4 o'clock was inspired by him

Have u seen that one radio interview in the past Th openly called out jm for liking men?

We never see them hangout tgt I mean we have seen ji/kook tgt more often and tae with his wooga squad

What did you think about jimin playing the video game using tae's acc while the latter looked from behind?

When tae posted 'lets keep going for a long time i only have u' they probably only knew e/o for about 2 yrs and now we also know that at that time they still argued and fought with e/o alot. Yet they felt so strongly for their frienship.

What are your thoughts about tae choosing " my time " to recommend it to a non army.

If we look at their personalities tae is more of introverted and shy these days while jimin is more outgoing and loud. But when it comes the them jimin is always the one who seems cautious

Is it my imagination or is Jimin VERY loud lately? I feel like the roles have somehow been reversed.

The timeline of the dumpling incident really confuses me.

Why do i feel like vmin dont hangout outside of work anymore

Just read your ji/kook vs vmin post regarding festa and I agree. you can tell that jm gets very serious when it comes to tae

A possible sexual relationship between Jimin and Tae. I've seen subtle hints where this might be happening behind the scenes like the recent bang bang con

Whenever joon says stuff like 'what a nice friendship/bcoz he is your friend' vmin have a very neutral or blank face

When do you think their friendship turned into something more?

Did u see how tae coloured jimin's name on the soft board with purple.

Jimin recently in this festa says jk is his soul brother

Nj nearly always tries to underplay vmin's bond.

Sweet Night: “Sharing my fragile truth That I still hope the door is open Door'

I feel like jimin was reluctant to talk about the dumpling incident probably bcoz it involves him getting drunk?

Your opinion on the whole "that's smth a couple would do" "you two look like a couple" for ji/kook vs "it's cause he's your friend "

What ur opinion is on the new kdrama that is based on homosexuality.

Tae has many a times mentioned wanting to have kids or wanting to be father.

Taehyung has always talked about having a family, children and wife etc.

I personally feel the maknae line in general have been advised not to do lives alone tgt bcoz of the intense shipping

I spend hours reading your posts and I could never get tired of it

I have a doubt about vmin recently V is so close to JK it seems like V avoiding jimin

Taehyung talked about the movie Call Me by Your Name and its soundtrack

I honestly like how unpopular vmin are.

Let's say JM and TH have other partners - do you think said partners would be okay with a whole song of vmin declaring each other as soulmates?

In the end there is no moment that is unique to a ship. do you agree?

Some vlives are arranged by the company and sometimes members themselves when the find free time they go live.

What was the point of making a decision tght to come on vlive tgh infront of the fan to then not do it?

It cant be the company stopping v and jm from doing a live can it?

Do you the think the reason vmin dont do vlive is because taehyung's feelings are one sided?

Theory on a possible reason on why vmin has not gone to do a vlive on their own for so long?

On bon voyage 3 j hope mentions how v and jk were hugging each other in their sleep.

Ji/kook is obvious (ear nibble) and Tae reacting blank to Vmin moments

But why they dont have funny bro handshake like v/kook?

You are so delusional like seriously how do you function in real life

You know how vmin called eo soulmates. The term can also be taken in a platonic way too right

If there’s a real ship in bts, can you give me your opinion on who?

Tae kissing jimin's cheek after they won an award in some music show (About ship edits)

I think vmin is real. Can you do a Sweet night analysis because in my opion the song dosen't match with the drama

Why are you a Vmin shipper if you don't think Jimin is gay or at least bisexual?

I don't blame V and Jimin for not doing Vlive together

You know that blurry picture of vmin in 2014?

Tae and jk seem like the members who are most non straight to u and also that jimin might be straight so then isnt it more possible for t**k***k to be the couple?

Do you think that vmin are straight?

Can you tell me what makes you think jk is not straight

Ppl connect sweet night and 4 o' clock with vmin After tae's live yesterday n i m also seeing some ppl being offended by it.

Why do I sense that Tae has more of crush on Jimin (and realized it) but Jimi is oblivious?

Will you still publish that long vmin and lgbt in korea analysis.

Even namjoon said they should go live to discuss about their song.

I dont really consider minjoon vlive as one they did themselves. it was mostly organised by the company

Maknae line avoid vlives and its really weird that jimi would do it with rm but not tae

Shouldnt it be easy for them to go live tght than anyone else?

Tae is very reluctant or scared to do a vlive with jimin

In the past month when vmin did mention about the song they just made superficial comments

Hi 💙 do you write vmin fics?

I also feel that jm is nervous to talk about the song even though he said he will in the comeback show

If jimin doesn't go live today as well maybe we can get a vmin live?

Vmin antis say vmin are not friends irl and use the fact that they are never spotted hanging out offscreen as "proof"

Will you do a Vmin throwback - 2019?

Can we even be considered delulu anymore for thinking not all of this is a coincidence?

Sweet night doesn't really fit the couple relationship in the drama

What do you mean when you say 'not being delulu'?

I dont know why after listening to sweet night i feel very nervous?

Maybe the lyrics to SN are very well just about the drama/webtoon.

Do you think the songs lie and stigma are related ?

Namjoon talking about Friends 2 - Making excuses

Namjoon talking about Friends 1 - Can’t write about them

About the “Hello my alien” line in Friends

Do you think they gone do fansing this period of promoting?

Jm said when he wants to make and gift a song if he finds someone he loves and he actually helped write n produce the melody of chingu

Omg Ive been crying over the vmin song lyrics ever since they came out.

Thoughts about the song and what you took out of it

Its not a light hearted thing to call each other soulmate

This kind of debunks the christmas song theory… i feel sad like they are commercialising their friendship

Jimin is partly involved in the making and it will be about Jimin and Tae’s bond

I fear that vmin will become the next larry

Chrismats song, smile awards. Arent those awards previously decided and even the words written for them by the company?

I was wondering if you're going to write something about bv4 and all the vmin we got there

Do you think that vmin say they love each other truly or for fan service?

Recently i watched a vkook video to compare

Do you know how exactly vmin met?

Whenever I do get the chance to focus on Vmin it’s usully one of three things

At the airport Tae had his arm around Jimin's shoulder but removed it quickly when they arrived in front of the cameras.

I don’t care if people don’t ship Vmin romantically. But with Vmin doing things like this you can’t really blame us if we do.

I got a looooot of asks on the Christmas song and I will adress the ones I have left all in one go

The reaction in bv was probably cause he wants to visits there and jm got there first

Vmin talked about tannie and how they went to visit tannie at tae's parents house

Just do it how you feel comfortable, we are waiting for your analysis

What video is the gif you post with this : Jimin and V talking about going to the Sapporo snow festival and playing in the snow together

This break was an opportunity for them to be around other friends and family so maybe they just wanted to spend this time apart

Do you really think vm are soulmates? Sometimes i feel like we might be over using this word for them

Once again thank you for all the asks you send! And also sorry for not being able to keep up and answer them all. I’ll try to answer some old ones as well whenever I can, and I will keep adding some of them to this list. I hope you found something interesting. Thanks for reading!

#vmin #vmin analysis #btsandvmin #Btsandvmin ask #btsandvmin masterpost #vmin masterpost #Btsandvmin answer #95z is love #my post #keep loving vmin

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elliemarchetti · 5 years ago

Note

What if scenarios for red queen: What if Shade lived? What if Elara had survived? What if Maven had a kid with Iris? What if Cal had said no in king's cage? What if Montfort was involved with the scarlet guard before the events of red queen? What if Mare accepted Montfort's offer in glass sword? What if Mare wasn't captured by Maven? What if Maven survived? What if Tiberias Vl died before the events of red queen? What if Mare didn't fall into the arena? What if indeed.

Once I wrote a story called What If (you can find it in my old masterlist but I suggest not to read it or do it lightly because my writing style and my english improved a lot since when I wrote it and I don’t really remember if it made sense) but unfortunately it doesn’t answer any of your questions as I have been struck at chapter 4 for years so I will address your questions in a sort of bullet list that I couldn't wait to use (even if it doesn't seem to I love when things are well ordered).

What if Shade lived

Shade was a valuable asset for the Scarlet Guard, maybe the most valuable they had, and as it happened to George Martin with Robb Stark (as he said in an interview, he had to kill him off otherwise he would’ve conquered the Seven Kingdoms without all the drama that whoever read ASOIAF or watched GOT knows very well) Victoria Aveyard had to do the same, otherwise things would’ve been “too simple” for the good guys. His death shocked Mare and the readers very much, but I consider it extremely wasted as:

we already knew how Mare mourned and missed him since she believed he was dead in RQ

although he remained her favorite their relationship had still changed, showing how even if two people love each other and are incredibly similar they can grow and take different paths even if in the same family

she was already scarred by other things and at the end of the series she would’ve been way more even without his death

Farley lost again someone she loved and we already know that her reaction to pain is anger.

To balance these points, and still leave the same psychological outcome in the characters, I think it would’ve made more sense if:

one of Mare's older brothers had died, leaving her wondering how things would’ve changed if she had prevented them from fighting as they’re Reds in a war full of people with abilities and leaving the Barrow’s still incomplete but with a different loss to manage

the Colonel had died, leaving Farley to wonder if she couldn’t have fixed things before his premature departure and what would’ve changed with Clara’s birth (not to mention the fact that I like to imagine that after Clara they would’ve had another girl called Madeline and, after several years and long debates in Diana’s mind, a boy called Willis)

Either way, by analyzing more pratically what would’ve changed if Shade hadn't died, the first thing that comes to my mind is that Mare’s captivity in KC would’ve been way shorter, partly because of Shade's ability, partly because he and Cal would’ve come up with a plan in less than ten minutes and acting on their own, with Farley and Kilorn’s help, they would’ve rescued her. In general, KC and WS’s events would’ve taken much less time, to the point that I think they could’ve been a single book.

What if Elara had survived and what if Maven had a kid with Iris

There are two different options to this question: Elara survives and returns to the role she had in GS or she’s captured by the Scalet Guard. With Elara to force her son's hand, and, let's face it, reign in his place, as she has always been a puppeteer, her whispers the threads she used to move her puppets, Maven’s reign would’ve been much more dangerous. First of all, I don't think she would’ve ever allowed her son to publicly offend the Samos, with the possibility that they would turn against them, but she would’ve created another complex scheme to kill Evangeline by putting the blame on the Scarlet Guard or on Cal's allies, for then team up with the Cygnets anyway, although I think the alliance would’ve been far less shaky with her to manage it and Iris would’ve been the condescending queen necessary to allow Maven to have the heir who would’ve made his position on the throne safer. Knowing her thirst for power she would still have sinned of arrogance and once Cenra died she would’ve attacked Tiora, obviously always in a subtle way and by putting the blame on someone else, so that Maven's son would become heir to Norta and the Lakelands, creating a single, large state. Without Elara's whispers if Maven and Iris had had a child it would have been through an act that bordered on rape, and once things had gone as they went in WS I'm not sure Iris would’ve brought the baby with her in the Lakelands therefore he would’ve ended up exiled, as it happened in the past with children in uncomfortable positions, in Prairie. On the other hand, if Elara had survived but had been captured by the Scarlet Guard, she would’ve died anyway as I don't think that, although those closest to the Mare would’ve proposed it, an exchange would’ve ever been made between them, Command too conscious of her political power and of the danger that the woman's ability entailed.

What if Cal had said no in KC

Assuming you are talking about rejecting the crown, surely there would’ve been less romantic drama in WS, at least until Maven's death, but things would’ve been politically much more difficult since, if Cal had abdicated before his brother's death, Maven would’ve been the actual heir and it wouldn’t have helped anyone, so he should’ve accepted the crown anyway to convince the Silvers to join the cause and at the same time make Maven illegitimate while only a limited circle should’ve known that his effective intent was to abdicate once the kingdom was reunited, perhaps with a lot of signed documents as I can't imagine the Scarlet Guard base the outcome of the war on another Silver prince’s word after Maven’s betrayal. But if he had actually refused they would’ve had to fight not Maven’s kingdom but monarchy in general, therefore losing the support of many Silver, although I am convinced that they would still have been able to win, although probably with many more dead, thanks to the help from Montfort and a couple of allies convinced that Cal's decision was wise, probably the Lower Houses and common Silvers who would’ve benefited from the abolition of the monarchy and racial laws

What if Montfort was involved with the SG before RQ’s events

It would make complete sense because the SG’s purpose is to obtain a government like Montfort’s. Obviously, even in this case, things would’ve been much faster and much safer and the saga would’ve been much shorter, not to mention the fact that newbloods are not new there and therefore the SG could’ve started talking about Reds with abilities much earlier, which would’ve given Norta’s Red population much more courage.

What if Mare accepted Montfort's offer in GS

In hindsight, it would’ve made sense as they would’ve attacked Corros prison much better prepared, not to mention the fact that Mare is a wonderful trainer, so she would’ve had the best team ever. Also the electricon squad really has too little space in the saga while I would’ve liked to see them bond further.

What if Mare wasn't captured by Maven

Again there are several options: if Maven had captured the others but Mare had managed to escape she would still have tried to negotiate for that exchange, once she realized she had no other way to save them, while if he killed all of them the entire outcome of the war would’ve been different since Cal would’ve died leaving Maven as the rightful king, not to mention the profound psychological damage Mare would’ve faced after she left most of her friends, family and her boyfriend to die. The last option is that they weren’t intercepted at all and managed to get to the Choke, but the possible outcomes are too many to be analyzed and the various results would’ve incredibly modified the subsequent books in completely different ways. Honestly, if I can dream and not force Mare to endure captivity, I would’ve liked if she and others had managed to escape but someone, including a person she cared about but not Cal, since this would’ve made things more difficult, had been captured. Maven would try to organize some kind of exchange and Mare would accept but all the others would prevent her, showing her that she wasn’t selfish to save herself and reminding her that she isn’t only a weapon but also a powerful political pawn. Obviously Maven, keeping his word, would’ve killed the hostages and this would’ve hurt Mare but certainly less than being imprisoned at his mercy.

What if Maven survived

I think that @elane-in-the-shadows has written something about it and I recommend you take a look at her blog because I think it's exactly how things should’ve gone but if I'm wrong about the author and someone knows what fanfiction I'm talking about (where Maven escapes before Mare could find him) feel free to let me know and I’ll add the link here because it’s a masterpiece

What if Tiberias Vl died before RQ

If he died of natural causes just before RQ Cal would’ve been king and would’ve listened to what Julian claimed Elara did, and he would probably have read his mother's diary before, consequently exlingin her or killing her if he considered it the only possible option to please everyone without certainly considering that Maven could’ve acted against him as, and it’s stated repeated several times, Cal is definitely blind about his brother therefore the saga would’ve been mainly about Maven who wants revenge and consequently the throne for which his mother had fought so much and performed such horrible acts. I can already imagine Maven saying he can marry Evangeline in Cal’s place so that he can stay with Mare when he’s just plotting with Volo Samos for the Kingdom of the Rift to split from the rest of Norta and then launches a consequent attack to conquer it entirely, promising peace between their kingdoms and a legitimate throne for House Samos. If Tiberias VI died instead shortly after Maven’s birth Elara would’ve tried to control Cal as she did with Maven but according to the bloodline the regent would’ve been Julian, therefore it wouldn’t have ended well for her anyway, which is why I consider that the plan devised in RQ tremendously brilliant since it contemplates years of waiting but strikes at the right time, so much so that many High House believed the story woven by her and supported her son, at least as long as she was there to control him and make him seem less insane.

What if Mare didn't fall into the arena

If we want a similar story she could’ve shown her ability when she and Cal first met and they could’ve tried to analyze and understand it with Julian without Mare having to be Mareena and meet Maven, which, in the long run, could’ve only benefit her and at the same time she and Cal could still have fallen in love while she still had the opportunity to help the Scarlet Guard, while if the question you ask me is "what would have happened if Mare had become a maid anyway and had never shown her powers, or at least not immediately" I think she and Cal would’ve had a clandestine relationship and she would’ve used it to learn as many things as possible to report to the Scarlet Guard until a life or death situation would’ve triggered her ability, making historical events not very different from those of the saga but erasing Maven's interest in her if not as a weapon to weaken his brother.

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longformautie · 4 years ago

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Addressing sexism of autistic men

CW: gender-based violence, including murder and rape

I. Introduction

This post has been coming for a long time. And I mean a LONG time. My thoughts on this topic have been evolving constantly. They will probably evolve even after I post this. I am still learning and welcome feedback.

I was prompted to write this post during the pre-coronavirus Before Times, when I saw that the popular Facebook page Humans Of New York had profiled an autistic man who had become a pickup artist. For context, pickup artists are a group of straight men who will cynically do whatever it takes to get them laid, which of course means blatantly ignoring the needs of the women they interact with, and who share strategies with one another. The autistic man in the photo post talked about how before he was a pickup artist he was hopeless with women, and now he was getting girls - getting laid, even. He said he knew it was manipulative, but that it was only fair - after all, it’s not like anyone had ever sympathized with him for his social difficulties. I was curious about what people had to say in the comments section; turns out, I wasn’t satisfied by any of the takes I found.

The takes I didn’t like can be broken down into two categories. Category number one were formulations like “poor him, he just wants to be accepted.” I’m not even a little bit sympathetic to this take and will only be spending a moment on it. Suffice it to say, it’s hard to take these people at their word that they care about the autism struggle when they don’t show up in droves to the banners of the neurodiversity movement with this level of enthusiasm. Rather, we are part of a culture that likes to sympathize with toxic men. If the man wasn’t autistic, they’d find some other excuse, but since he is, in defending him they can also activate the ableist notion that autistic people are incapable of respecting boundaries. I choose the word “incapable” because if your position is that autistic people sometimes don’t know better than to violate a boundary, the logical conclusion is simply that someone should teach them. To sincerely and enthusiastically take up this kind of “poor autistic guy doesn’t know any better” rhetoric, you have to presume complete incompetence of autistic people and that we’ll never learn, so that when a straight autistic man does a violating thing to a woman, they can shrug their shoulders and say, “well, I guess nothing can be done about this.” This attitude is sexism and ableism couched in a delusion of sympathy.

Category number two of takes, I like lots better but still am not quite satisfied with, and can be roughly summarized: “This isn’t caused by autism, it’s caused by being an asshole.” While I agree that being an asshole is the main ingredient in this cocktail, I don’t think the autism should be dismissed as an irrelevant detail. I think there is a sexism problem specific to autistic men that needs to be separately talked about and addressed. I intend to do so in this post, without assigning blame either to the autism or to the women being abused.

I want to note in advance that this post will be cishet-centric, not because I think straight experiences are universal, partly because the behavior of cishet men is what’s at task here, but mostly because I have no idea how these issues affect LGBTQIA communities. If anyone is able and willing offer insight or resources on that topic, I’d love to hear from you.

I. Autistic men

Having experienced it firsthand, I can say for sure that autistic loneliness is a vicious cycle. By loneliness, I mean a lack of any social connection, not just a lack of romantic or sexual partners. Autism makes social interaction more difficult, which makes it harder to find friends, but, crucially, not having friends also makes social interaction more difficult. More people to interact with means more practice with social interaction; it also means more assistance from comparatively clued-in people who care about us. This vicious cycle can also manifest with respect to a subset of people. For example, an autistic child who only socially interacts with adults may have trouble forming connections with peers. For the purpose of this discussion, I want to focus on the problems this presents for autistic boys who want to interact with girls in their age group.

The scarcity of cross-gender social interaction during childhood need not be framed as a uniquely autistic experience. Societal forces sort us by gender from an incredibly early age, so the vast majority of our social connections in childhood are with people of the same gender. Furthermore, especially during and after adolescence, boys and men are discouraged from being emotionally close with one another. Thus, the norms of masculinity isolate us almost totally from peers of all genders. Our social connections with men must be superficial; our social connections with women must be non-platonic. For those of us who crave the emotional intimacy that our same-gender friendships lack, a romantic relationship is the only socially acceptable opportunity to forming a deep, loving bond with someone close to our own age.

Enter autism (again). Dating, when we hit adolescence, is wholly new to us, and we have been given no opportunity to adjust ourselves to its social norms. Autism makes this a particular challenge, as do gender roles in dating. Since men are supposed to initiate and women are supposed to merely give subtle hints (if not be straight-out “hard to get”), straight autistic men face both the pressure of leaping into an arena that intimidates us, and the bewilderment of not knowing whether it’s working. If I had a crush on you in high school, I probably kept it a secret; if you had a crush on me, I probably didn’t notice.

Worth noting here that none of the things I’ve listed are evidence against autistic men’s actual attractiveness or appeal to women. We are facing access barriers that accumulate over the course of our lives until we finally figure out how to start ripping them down, and when we do, we quite often do get to have romantic and sexual relationships. But the prevailing narrative about autism and other disabilities is that they’re unsexy, and a lot of autistic men buy into that. I myself thought I was one of those autistic men who’d never date or have sex until experience taught me otherwise.

Knowing all this, we can see why a lot of autistic men might feel both that they need a relationship to be happy, and that they cannot possibly have one. This makes us prime targets for recruitment, because the sense of personal injury at being deprived of sexual experiences for reasons beyond one’s control is as indispensable an ingredient in the various movements of the “manosphere” as the sexism itself. It’s not that autistic men are any more or any less sexist than regular men, but that the sexists among us already feel exactly the way these communities require them to feel: deeply aggrieved, and deeply desperate. Pickup artistry both validates this sense of personal injury, and sells itself as the solution: a set of simple, logical rules that, when followed, will grant success. But it misses the uncomfortable truth that while everyone deserves to receive love, no particular person is obliged to give it. This is a deeply frustrating contradiction with no easy solution, but the solution certainly is not to cynically manipulate women into doing the thing you want.

III. Allistic women

I never was a pickup artist, but that doesn’t mean I never harbored a grievance against women for my loneliness. After all, I thought, wouldn’t my perpetual singleness end if women were more direct and assertive? As such, I worry that other people who read this may end up pinning the responsibility for autistic loneliness onto individual women too. The previous section hints at why that’s wrong, but I also want to take the time to explain why it’s deeply unfair.

My autism and masculinity were first brought into conjunction (or was it conflict?) in my mind in my freshman year of college. One of my new Facebook friends shared a Tumblr blog called “Straight White Boys Texting” which was a collection of screenshots of unwanted straight white boy texts, running the gamut from simple inability to take a hint to bona fide “what color is your thong” garbage. I felt pretty attacked, partly because I wasn’t yet used to seeing myself as part of a “straight white boys” collective that people didn’t like, and partly because what I saw was a bunch of guys missing social cues and taking things literally, just as a younger me would have done. I felt like I needed to say something - and boy, was that a bad decision. I said something about how the women in the screenshots needed to be more direct, and got instant (and deserved) backlash both for focusing on the least important problem in the interactions and for placing responsibility for a male behavior problem squarely back onto women.

At the time, I didn’t have a coherent framework for understanding sexism. Since then, I’ve learned that giving a direct no can occasionally get women killed, and most often at least gets them yelled at and insulted. Giving a yes also comes with its own risks - the risk of rape, in (unfortunately-not-actually-so-)extreme cases where that inch of “yes” results in guys taking a mile, but also the more pervasive risk of being socially stigmatized as slutty or promiscuous. It’s often the most women can get away with to be subtle (rather than completely silent) about all of their wants and needs, so that a discerning man who actually cares will know what those wants and needs are and respect them.

This puts those of us who have trouble with reading subtle signals in a difficult position if we inadvertently cross a boundary, but that’s not a problem women can reasonably be expected to solve. If a man crosses a woman’s boundaries because he simply doesn’t respect them, he wants to make it look like it’s an accident so that he will be forgiven. “But Aaron,” you might say, “didn’t you just say that the right thing to do in those situations is to teach people the right behavior, not ignore it?” Yes, that’s true. But that assumes the continuation of a conversation that a woman might feel safer just skipping; if a man is making her feel uncomfortable, she’s probably not inclined to continue to converse with him in order to establish whether his intentions were good or bad. When we impose the burden of freeing males from loneliness onto women, we are asking them to continue to interact with frightening men at their own peril.

Ironically enough, some of these frightening men are the autistic pickup artists from part 1. This means that pickup artists, far from “solving” the problems with dating they feel aggrieved by, are actually making it more difficult for everyone except themselves by giving women one more reason to be scared and cynical, and men who slip up one more type of monster to be mistaken for.

IV. Autistic women

At first glance, it seems like there’s a choice to be made here, between supporting autistic men who want to be valued as potential romantic and sexual partners and supporting allistic women who just want to be safe. But what I’m realizing more and more is that when there seems to be a conflict between the needs of two marginalized groups, the right choice is generally to avoid picking a side and instead find ways to support both groups. This works well, not only because both groups get what they want, but because if a side must be chosen, the people at the intersection of the two groups will lose both ways.

Autistic women bear the brunt of every part of this mess, as described in detail by Kassiane Asasumasu on her blog, Radical Neurodivergence Speaking (see the links later in this paragraph). Because autistic men fear ableism from neurotypical women, we tend to believe that autistic women are the only partners who will accept us for who we are. As a result, autistic women report being swarmed at autism meetup groups by men looking for a girlfriend, and those men who struggle with independent living are more than willing to escape that by leaning on the patriarchal expectation that the woman does all the chores, even when she is an autistic woman who struggles with the exact same tasks. This means autistic women actually interact with sexist autistic men the most, and not only are they subject to the same toxic shit that allistic women have to deal with, but they’re also expected to “understand” these men and thus endlessly tolerate their (supposedly inevitable) shitty behavior.

V. Solutions

Fortunately, the choice between female safety and autistic desirability is not a choice we have to make, but the solutions are not as simple as members of one or the other group simply choosing to behave differently. Rather, they require the collective participation of all kinds of people.

Addressing autistic male sexism necessarily means addressing sexism. It means respecting when women say no, rather than making it an unpleasant experience they might fear to repeat. It means teaching consent in special education classrooms, so that no one can claim in good faith that an autistic boy who crosses a boundary simply doesn’t know better. It means teaching girls, as they grow into women, that they are under no obligation to tolerate sexist behavior out of sympathy for the sexist man.

But addressing sexism also means supporting boys and men as they escape the confines of conventional masculinity. It means enabling and encouraging them to have close friends of all genders. It means reminding them that they don’t need a woman, any more than a woman needs a man.

In addition to addressing sexism, we need to address the ableism that prevents autistic people from accessing not just dating but emotional closeness of all kinds. We need to stimulate autistic people’s peer relationships at all stages of life. We cannot do this if special ed teachers continue to view us as broken allistic people rather than whole autistic people, nor can we do it if they view us as incomplete adults rather than entire children. If an autistic boy is unable to learn about condoms because it offends the sensibilities of the teacher, or if he is unable to learn how to talk like a teenager because his parents would like him to learn to speak like an adult, then that autistic boy is being deprived both of autonomy and of the opportunity to learn.

Furthermore, we need to teach allistic children how to interact with their autistic peers. Autistic people need no additional incentive to learn how to interact with the societal majority who control their access to jobs, housing, healthcare, education, political representation, and much more. Allistic people can, however, choose not to bother learning how to support and include us and face almost no social consequences beyond not getting to see my cool maps. Rather than alleviating this unequal distribution of incentives, adults generally exacerbate it by focusing only on the social development of autistic children with respect to interactions with allistic people, but not on the social development of allistic children towards being able to interact with autistic people. This is because the prevailing view regarding autism is still that our modes of moving through the world are incorrect and defective, whereas allistic modes of social interaction are viewed as normal and valid even when they exclude others.

The problem of autistic male sexism is hairy and complicated, but if we take the above steps, we can solve it without further stigmatizing autism, and without victim-blaming women. We don’t have to leave anyone behind in this conversation. Rather, by fighting both for autism acceptance and consent culture, we can produce a more just world where everyone gets the love and respect that they deserve.

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brieflymagnificentangel · 4 years ago

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Do not let a few people’s criticism, no matter how important they are, define you. Instead, take in the criticism and built on it. When it makes you doubt yourself, look around, really really hard, beyond the fear they put into you: you will see the many people who do believe in you, who do support you, who do push you forwards and not backwards. Please take a moment to look for and find those people before making decisions based on those who criticize you. Listening to the critique only will cost you those very people who love you.

A few months ago I left a job that was meant to be my dream job because I was convinced i had picked the wrong career. I had a few set backs in my performance I won’t lie, it was my first job after all, but most importantly the environment was very toxic. I never knew how I was performing, some employees cursed at each other and were inappropriate at work, sometimes I was left to do nothing for days because my boss was handling other plans. In all of this I completely lost my purpose and let myself be convinced that this one phase was definitive, that I was too dumb to be in STEM, working in research. The most frustrating part is that I took that decision 2 months in the job. The environment did not improve very much as time went by (I stayed 12 months in the end), and I was so focused on leaving the field that I forgot to stop. Look around. Realize how lucky am opportunity I had gotten. Realize that there were actually many doors opening as I passed by them, convinced this was not for me, that I was a fraud, that I needed to leave. Along the way I made friends outside of work, started to enjoy my town more, started getting along with my housemates. But I had stubbornly decided, already, and nothing seemed to bring me back on track. Not the rejections I got from other jobs. Not my friends and the people I met along the way, not the incredible experiences I enjoyed. Those things were not my job, and my career is always the nb 1 priority, so without it everything else meant nothing. This is not true. This year was both a very difficult and the best year of my life thus far. I finally became good at a sport I love. I finally had a friend group that I loved, even though there was drama. I was intellectually stimulated outside of work, going to the library and museums and conferences completely for fun for the first time. I finally was starting to be close with a person who I consider my dad more than anyone else in the world. I was finally starting to have a love life, even though it mostly failed probably partly because the people involved knew I was leaving. I have never laughed so much in my life than then. I have never felt so angry in my life than then. I was also experiencing a health issue by myself for the first time, which increased the stress and decreased my self esteem. For the first time in my life, I experienced true love; not romantically, but from all the friends and mentors I met outside of work. But my pride was hurt, my anger was set, my stubbornness already pushed me to make plans to leave my career, my country (which is not my country of nationality but of heart), my efforts (I had given over 10 years to making it in the field in that country, including all my education). Just because three people underestimated me and I believed them. What an insult it is to the 40 who did believe in me, in one way or another. The family members who believed in me by investing in me and my education. My professors who wrote letters for me and taught me. My friends who cheered me up when it got hard. The people I met only a few times who took the time to talk to me and tell me their stories and work. No one ever said the words out loud, but they believed in me. They treated me like a person with potential. And I let 3 people convince me that I wasn’t.

Please. Look around before you go. God, or whoever’s in charge of this sht, gave me a lot of opportunities to change my decision, to think it over more. Notice those things. And for the love of god. Look around. Do not base your whole career on one experience. Do not lose your confidence to 3 people when 40 believe in you, even without saying it. And if you don’t have 40 people, at you should have at least one. That person should be yourself. I let myself forget that. Please don’t throw away your whole life because of one job. I’m begging you. The regret will eat you alive, no matter how from an outside perspective well you do after. Please. Look. Around.

#advice #stem #research #career #life #mine #me #look around #story

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inescapcble · 5 years ago

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This isn’t really an intro as much as an UPDATE featuring a biography and some changes I’ve realised as I’ve gotten to know Leah’s character better, but given that I’d still recommend y’all give this a once over. Thanks to everyone for getting involved with her and my other characters, and I’m excited to do so much more with her. <3

BASIC INFO ;

Name: Leontine Artemisia Morgan

Nicknames: Leah (by select friends & family only), Madam Prez (slang)

Gender & Pronouns: cis female, she/her pronouns

Age & DOB: Forty | 14 February, 1980 | Anchorage, Kentucky

Zodiac Sign: Aquarius

Orientations: Bisexual / biromantic (with a lean towards women)

Relationship Status: In a ( secret ; open ) relationship with Princess Ivana of the Netherlands ( @ofivana )

Nationality: American

Religion: Agnostic

Neuroses: Undiagnosed Asperger’s syndrome (note: I, the mun, have diagnosed Asperger’s!)

FAMILIAL ;

Hometown: Anchorage, Kentucky

Father: Kenneth Morgan, CEO of Morgan Financial

Mother: Candace Morgan (d. 2019)

Siblings: Bocephus ( @hxll-0 ) and Elise ( @ofchampagnetears ) Morgan (b. 1992)

OTHER ;

Languages Spoken: English, Latin, French, Italian, German (incl. Swiss, Austrian and Bavarian German), Spanish, Portuguese

Educational Background: Institut Le Rosey, Harvard University, John Hopkins University

Occupational History:

1. Intern / Political Assistant at Capitol Hill (2002-06)

2. Representative for Maryland’s 2nd District (2006 special election — 2010)

3. Junior Senator for Maryland (2010-2016)

4. 45th President of the United States of America (20th January, 2017—)

Achievements: Youngest and first female president of the United States; shortest initiation in Society history. If I listed her political achievements we’d be here a while, folks.

THE SOCIETY ;

Codename: Adrasteia

Meaning: Adrasteia means “the inescapable,” which I chose as her label. It’s another name for Nemesis, the goddess of divine retribution, which i found quite fitting because she’s always managed to rise above people and attain what she wants, even if it is through using her parents’ money and power to her advantage at least in part. And now she’s the defender of the free world, in the most powerful office in the world — don’t make an enemy of the inescapable, for the inescapable will always get you.

Traditionalist or Reformist: Leah struggles to shoe-horn herself into either camp, but she supposes in general due to her own ideas that she’s some kind of reformist, even if that reform doesn’t include party islands and hedonistic displays. She prefers more power for women within the Society; more space for non-established families and for people to get in on their talent alone.

Goals In The Society: Her own advancement. To make her rowdy siblings see their own potential, and perhaps find a bond with them that feels less like she’s that cousin you don’t see often and don’t know very well. Ultimately, to be the Grand Archon, where she can make the most positive change. To use the Society to get rid of the Twenty-Second Amendment so she has more time to create further equally positive change for America.

Opinion On The Society: It’s something she was always meant to be part of, but something that needs to be tweaked to fit the time that it’s in. Some people’s definition of ‘tweak’ is too far, but ultimately the most important thing is that she’s in it. Certainly she values it as an honour.

PERSONALITY ;

MBTI: ENTJ-A

Enneagram: Eight, with a Seven wing

Temperament: Choleric

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Inspirations: Birgitte Nyborg (Borgen) | Kidz & SOS (Take That songs, inverse) | Peggy Carter (Marvel Cinematic Universe) | Official Secrets (film)

Tropes: The Ace, Armour-Piercing Question, America Saves The Day, The Chessmaster, Contemplative Boss, Married To The Job, Workaholic, Badass In Charge, Brainy Brunette, Deadpan Snarker, Iron Lady

YOUR MUSE AS ;

A piece of art: The Kiss by Gustav Klimt

A song: Under The Ladder by Mélovin

A book: How To Use Your Enemies by Baltasar Gracián

A movie: Official Secrets

A TV show: Borgen

A historical era: Ancient Greece if she had to choose one, but she’s more one to look to the future than the past.

A historical figure: Artemisia of Caria

A colour: Royal blue

An animal: Lioness (she’s got the name for a reason.)

YOUR MUSE’S DREAM ;

JOB: She’s sat in the Oval Office, folks, she’s doing it.

VACATION: Leontine doesn’t have time for vacations, especially not if she’s attending Society events, but if she did, she’d like to go to the Acropolis.

DAY: One day where Bo and Elise are calm; getting to go on a real date with Ivy and be proud of it.

AS A CHILD: To be President of the United States.

LAST NIGHT: I can’t tell you, because she didn’t sleep long enough to reach the appropriate stage and dream.

THAT THEY GAVE UP ON: She’s never given up on a dream. Never once, not unless she realises it was wrong in the first place. She’s not someone who gives up.

THAT THEY HAVE RIGHT NOW: Constitutional change; getting her siblings into the Society

BIOGRAPHY ;

TWELVE years — that was how long Leontine Artemisia was the sole daughter of Kenneth and Candace Morgan, but also how long it took them to forget why. Through generations of the Morgan bloodline the same issue had persisted; a work-ethic that was either partly or entirely based upon an unattainable ideal of perfection.

Which, in itself, led to relationships like the parents’ own. Lacking in healthy emotional expression ( particularly on the side of the born Morgan, less so in his softer-hearted wife ) and with at least some business element regarding a ‘practical’ or ‘advantageous’ match. It wasn’t an arranged marriage, not quite, as they had found each other — mostly — alone, but neither could it be said to be a ‘love match’ the likes of which fill the daydreams of any hopeless romantic.

And then, from there, they hadn’t realised how it would impact any child of theirs until it was too-little, too-late to do anything about it. When the nifty Morgan motto had already taken hold, dug itself into the young girl, going deeper with every comment Kenneth made about how she could be ‘better,’ or ‘how do you expect to be like me or your grandfather?’

It became Candace’s — being the far more empathetic parent, the one who was there when Leah fell and who had attached herself to her first-born in a way she would not attach quite the same with inevitable additions — goal to get her as far away from her husband’s influence as possible, so that she might have half a chance at coming fully into her own. Except, prior to achieving that goal, the terrors ( I’m sorry, the twins, but they were, and are, terrors ) came into the trio’s lives, and Leah was both no longer alone, and more alone than ever.

Which suited her fine, or at least she said it did. After all, she was still her mother’s favourite, anyone could see it. Could feel it, where Kenneth had turned his attention to the young babes to see which child would offer him the legacy he craved; because Leah’s goal — politics; the highest seat in the land, even then, regardless if she had to claw her way up there with her nails or not — didn’t particularly interest him at the time ( Morgan Financial needed an heir, and he was consistently frustrated at his eldest daughter’s disinterest ) and would interest him even less after she came back with European ideas from her next destination: the Institut Le Rosey in Switzerland, where she would meet a whole host of future A-Listers and members of the Society, including one Étienne de Polignac.

When she returned from Le Rosey at the age of eighteen, her next destination was already settled: the famed Harvard University, to study political science. Of course, she could be nothing but the hardest worker, something she would not let her university boyfriend — as much as she loved him at the time — get in the way of; it was clear Kenneth’s message had gotten through to her ( too well, as she would never feel good enough, always striving to impress him, when it was impossible ) when she chose career over her love life upon graduation.

Because from a young age she had set her eyes upon the White House desk, organised her life around that ultimate dream; pursued law and civics, and abandoned the healthy social lives of others her age. While other members of her family could have been considered high-society socialites, all she knew was her own ambition. Quickly Leah herself became the pedestal for her siblings to follow — except, not her politics, as Kenneth would indicate by sending the twins to Phillips Exeter rather than Le Rosey — and was a point of pride when her parents decided she ought to go to public events; after all, she had to learn how to relate to people, didn’t she? Her first motto, and a tattoo she has that’s always hidden by her clothing, is: change your stars, if you try, you’ll succeed.

Leontine moved to Maryland after Harvard, where she worked as a political advisor at Capitol Hill for one of the Democratic representatives ( whilst balancing a second degree, in international relations, at Johns Hopkins University due to its proximity to Capitol Hill ) until she was of constitutional age to stand for election in the House. She won Maryland’s second district — rather than standing in her birth / home state of Kentucky — and then, upon turning thirty, became the junior senator for the state; however, these early political years were all overshadowed by one event: the war in Iraq, with which she vehemently disagreed, and which has continued to influence her strong anti-war stance throughout the rest of her political career.

‘The rest’ of her political career including her run for President in the 2016 election, resulting in the thirty-six year old defeating Republican nominee Donald Trump in the most resounding fashion since the Nixon landslide. And even then the opponent managed to win Massachusetts; not so here.

She grew up privileged, of course she did, and she’s found her balance between being at peace with and being very aware of what led her to where she is today: the Oval Office, the young trailblazer wherever she went. Leah Morgan’s ‘brand’ is record-breaking, perhaps ( after all, she very quickly charmed people to her favour to admit her into the society as a 25-year-old initiate, a Societal record that still to this day stands. )

Leah’s mother Candace, however, was killed in a ‘car crash’ last Thanksgiving, a tragedy which she has not processed; she hasn’t any understanding of how to deal with grief — none of the Morgans do — so, at some point, it’s all going to come back to her.

But she was raised on ‘this is good, but you can always do better,’ and that shows more than anything in this woman with a lot of dreams and even more ambition.

#gilded:intro

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