#partially thanks to one of my uni friends who's a big fan but i really missed this manga in general... next anime season when. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

floralguccistyles · 5 years ago

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one: live long and prosper

The tech crew at Outset Studios now had a drinking game. Every time I was asked about Harry Styles, they took a shot.

It wasn’t a very uncommon thing for them to stumble out of the building at three in the morning, very very drunk.

At the beginning of my career, this hadn’t happened much. I started Alien Crossing, my uni podcast, in a tiny little studio that London Metropolitan University had in their theater’s basement. I had about five downloads a week, and most of my listeners assumed that I had been born and raised in London. I let them believe it. It wasn’t that I was lying to them, per say, but I had no desire to be connected to Holmes Chapel. The only thing back home that I liked were my parents, and they had already made peace with the fact that if they wanted to see me, they should come visit me in London because I refused to step foot back in Cheshire.

Five downloads turned into twenty, twenty turned into ninety, ninety turned into two hundred and fourteen, and my numbers continued to grow. With the growth of my downloads also came the growth of background knowledge of my person. Including my middle name, my birthday, my parents’ names, and where I was born and raised.

The questions about growing up in the same town as one-fifth of the biggest boyband in the world started to come in around that time. And their number only grew when I graduated from university and my podcast was picked up by Outset Studios, which had a significantly larger number of listeners than London Metropolitan University did.

The tech crew who now took shots whenever Harry was mentioned had once been impressed with the knowledge that I knew Harry Styles. It didn’t last long. Whenever he was mentioned, Jeremiah that worked sound rolled his eyes and whispered something to Veronica, his assistant. I could never hear his whispers, but I knew they at least weren’t directed at me. He always gave me apologetic smiles when Harry was brought up. Veronica had once nearly squealed every time the One Direction member was mentioned, but now she just let out an annoyed breath and gulped down coffee to keep from screaming at whoever sent in emails about him.

They had traded in coffee for something stronger when my podcasts hit two thousand downloads.

I watched them now, pouring what looked like whiskey into shot glasses before clinking them together and pouring them down the hatch, so to speak. I wished they at least had the decency to pour me a shot as well. I hated getting asked about Harry just as much as they did.

Technically, the questions about Harry were partially my fault. On Alien Crossing, I was a big advocate of talking to the guest in question as well as answering fan emails. Jeremiah liked to tell me AC was more of a radio show-slash-podcast, but I really just liked interacting with my fellow nerds. The emails I used to receive were actual questions about whatever topic I was blabbering about that week, but since people had found out that I was born in Holmes Chapel, I got questions such as “what was it like growing up with Harry Styles?”

Which was precisely why Jeremiah and Veronica were drinking now.

Karris Vincent, my guest of the week who had been discussing the importance of sci-fi novels and her upcoming book Among Us, saw the look on my face and wrinkled her nose at me in solidarity, as if to apologize for the email glaring from the computer screen in front of me. I saw her eyeing the bottle of whiskey Veronica and Jeremiah were drinking with incredulity, but Jeremiah made a gesture to convey that he would explain the reason behind it later.

“Karris, do you have anyone famous from the town you grew up in?” I asked, purposefully avoiding the question for as long as I could. I had a scheduled fifteen minutes left of AC and I would spend the next fourteen minutes and forty-five seconds not discussing Harry Styles.

“Yes, actually, Lena Headey,” Karris supplied helpfully. My eyes went wide at the mention of the Game of Thrones star and Karris nodded excitedly. “I actually ran into her once when I was younger. It was when 300 was super popular.” The look on my face must have conveyed my jealousy, for Karris let out a soft laugh. “I can see the heart eyes you’re making right now.”

“It’s because Petra’s a nerd at heart,” Jeremiah supplied helpfully, his voice coming through on the headphones.

There was once a time where being called a nerd would have offended me, but it didn’t anymore. Mostly because I knew Jeremiah’s jab was done in kindness and friendship, but also because I’d long since stopped caring what people thought of me. I loved what I loved and I wasn’t going to be ashamed for it. Besides, with the popularity of Alien Crossing, nerds all around the world were listening to me nerding out and actually enjoying it.

“Lena Headey is just the perfect specimen, really,” I added, shrugging my shoulders though my listeners wouldn’t be able to see it. “I’m a huge fan of both Game of Thrones and 300. It’s my brand.”

We chatted for a few more minutes about Karris and her experience with celebrities when I caught Veronica’s gaze. It was an expression that let me know it was time to answer the question about Harry Styles. Bile didn’t physically rise in my throat, but in my mind it did.

“Getting back on topic, I never really interacted with Harry when we were in school. We had our different friend groups. But it’s always nice to see some rep from Holmes Chapel.” Lies, lies, and more lies. If I were to tell the truth about what growing up with Harry Styles was like, I’d have teenage girls all around the world clutching their metaphorical pearls. “Karris, thank you so much for coming to nerd out with us.”

She laughed in that airy tone I’d been listening to for the past hour. It wasn’t annoying by any means, but I’d wondered more than once for the past sixty minutes if it was a real laugh. “Thanks for allowing me to nerd out with you guys.”

“Keep a look out for Among Us if you like aliens, romance, and government conspiracies. This is Petra Gallego signing off. Live long and prosper, my young padawans.”

That had become my official sign off. In my first ever episode of AC at Outset Studios, I had been so nervous that I had jumbled the two phrases together. I slammed my head on the desk afterwards. But people seemed to enjoy it. They liked quirky things like that. Jeremiah and Veronica rolled their eyes every time I said it, but they had advised me to keep it simply because it was like a signature now.

Karris carefully peeled the headphones off the side of her pretty brunette hair, done up in a fancy braid that would have taken me hours to complete. “That was really fun, Petra. Thanks for having me.”

“Of course! My only payment is a signed copy of Among Us.”

She blushed, waving me off. “Oh, I’m sure you don’t want it.”

“No, she absolutely does. Aliens and romance? That’s like a nerdgasm for Petra,” Veronica called out from the sound booth, offering me a glass of whatever whiskey they had been drinking. I quickly shot it back, ignoring the burning sensation and instead focusing on the fact that I didn’t have to think about Harry Styles for at least the next week.

“Oh yeah, I meant to ask. What’s with the whiskey?” Karris asked.

“It’s a drinking game we have. Whenever Petra is asked about Harry Styles, we take a shot. Want one?” Jeremiah offered, holding out an empty shot glass. I wondered briefly how many glasses they kept in the sound booth.

“I’m good, thanks though. I noticed you looked a little off when he was brought up. Did you guys date when you were younger or something?”

I snorted. Definitely or something. The idea that Harry Styles would actually willingly date me was laughable. Considering the last words he’d ever said to me before he’d fucked off to X-Factor were “get your head out of your ass and grow up, Gallego” when his friend had taken my copy of Lord of the Rings and thrown it on the wet ground. The words were in response to my reaction, which was to promptly burst into tears.

Still, I had to give credit where credit was due. He’d never done something as vicious as throwing my book into a puddle, so he wasn’t a complete monster. It was a compilation of different things that made Harry Styles public enemy number one. Sure, he’d never been physical with his distaste towards me, but words affected me more than actions. Words seemed sneaky and fake. At least his friend who had ruined my book left no room for interpretation.

It was also because he was famous and I had to hear about him. All. The. Time.

Selfishly, I had hoped that when One Direction took their break, I could escape him. For a while I did. He was rarely sighted out (which I learned later was because he was working on his solo album) and my emails had dwindled until only interest in my podcast remained. And then his solo record had come out and everyone and their mother wanted it and wanted to know what I thought about it.

And yeah, okay, the music wasn’t bad. But even his name left a sour taste in my mouth.

“Or something,” I answered Karris, shrugging my shoulders. I took a look at the watch on my wrist and winced. “Shit, Karris, sorry. I know you’ve got an early flight to catch.”

The one drawback of Alien Crossing was the time in which we recorded it. Outset didn’t have a studio available until one in the morning, which was the slot I’d been given. By the time the guest and I got settled and actually recorded the podcast, it was about three in the morning. I was used to it, simply because I’d been doing it for so long now; I was even prone to coming to the studio in my pajamas. I knew Karris probably wasn’t used to the late nights.

“Don’t apologize. It’s another platform for me to advertise the book. And you warned me about the time, so it isn’t your fault.” She cracked her neck to the side in a move that made me incredibly jealous. I wish I could do that. “Plus, I’ve got a great neck pillow and a ten hour flight ahead of me.”

The idea of going to bed sounded heavenly. However, I knew I needed to stay behind to help Jeremiah with some editing. There usually wasn’t much, but we listened through the full podcast to make sure the sound wasn’t weird in some places, or that the conversation flowed. “That sounds great,” I mumbled, unable to keep the jealousy out of my voice.

She laughed another light, airy laugh.

“I went ahead and called you an Uber, Karris,” Veronica said, giving the pretty brunette a smile. If I hadn’t known her well, I would have thought she was flirting. Veronica had a naturally sultry face, with pouty lips and hooded eyes. I also knew she was in a serious, monogamous, nearly five-year relationship with her biology lab partner from her first year at uni. I had only met Veronica’s girlfriend once, but it was obvious they were very much in love.

“Thanks. Can I take a water bottle for the road?”

After Karris was situated and the 2003 silver Toyota Camry had picked her up, Veronica gave Jeremiah and me a sleepy goodbye with a promise to text the both of us when she got home safely. Then the two of us made our way back into Outset.

“Sorry about another Harry question,” Jeremiah stated as he held the door open for me. I shrugged him off, beelining a route to the comfy chair in the soundroom. It was old, worn leather, the kind you just sunk right into. I wanted to get a similar one for the studio, but since I didn’t actually own the place where we recorded, I figured that would be a little inappropriate.

“It won’t matter in about fifteen seconds when you offer me another shot of whiskey.” He gave me a wry smile but nevertheless poured me another glass. I tilted my head back and let the liquid slide down my throat.

“You know, you never told me what happened between you two anyway,” he mentioned, sitting in a chair across from me.

“Not much to tell.”

He snorted. “I don’t believe that for a minute, but I won’t push it if you don’t want to talk about it.”

That’s why I liked Jeremiah and Veronica. My parents, though I loved them, wanted to know every detail of everything going on in my life. When I was getting bullied in secondary school, they had wanted to know what my bullies had said to me, verbatim. That’s how I could think of a solution, they used to say, as if it was my responsibility that my schoolmates were pricks. Jeremiah and Veronica didn’t push anything if they could tell I didn’t want to discuss it.

“I shouldn’t let the emails about him get to me as much as they do, but…” I trailed off. I knew exactly why they got to me. It wasn’t because he had made my life miserable or because I hated him. It was because, deep down past my new life motto of self-love, I was still protective of what I loved as if someone were going to ridicule me. I wanted emails from fellow nerds about the four hour extended version of The Fellowship of the Ring or comic book aficionados who were subscribed to Marvel’s website like I was. I didn’t want emails about Harry Styles because I wanted what I loved to matter.

“But they do,” Jeremiah continued, nodding his head. “I get it. You built up AC by yourself. You don’t want the focus to be on someone you grew up with.”

“Exactly.” I was glad Jeremiah could put words to my jumbled mix of thoughts. He was good at stuff like that. Many a time he had been my unofficial therapist, especially on the weeks when appointments with my real therapist had to be cancelled.

“We could always stop doing the email bit, Pet. As a podcast, you know you aren’t required to.”

I had thought of this on many occasions, whenever my inbox was filled with questions like what toothpaste Harry Styles used. But for every ten emails about Harry, there was one email gushing over how they binged all of Star Trek and wanted my opinion on certain plot points. And for me, that one email was worth it. If I could give validation to a fellow nerd, that was what I was going to do.

“I know, but did you hear the email about the girl who visited Roswell? She was so excited to see the site of the UFO crash. If I stop doing emails, we won’t get good content like that. I can’t connect to people listening with just guests.”

“Pet, they debunked the Roswell UFO crash in the seventies.”

“I know, but it’s still interesting to hear conspiracy theories.”

Jeremiah sighed the sigh of a babysitter putting up with an energetic child. The analogy described our relationship pretty well. He was prone to bursts of childish ideas, but for the most part he was the level headed one out of the two of us. Veronica was the most responsible of the three of us, but that was because by the time she made it into the studio she was half asleep and couldn’t form speech.

“Whatever,” he dismissed, waving his hand in the air, “let’s get to editing.”

It took about forty minutes since the podcast we had just recorded had gone fairly smoothly. There was a weird pause when I read the email about growing up with Harry, but Jeremiah cut the weird silence with the press of a button. After we were done, we both took another shot of whiskey despite knowing we’d both probably wake up with headaches.

“You’re not driving home, right?” he asked, grabbing his coat. He was dressed like a normal adult person would be, in jeans and a graphic shirt. I, on the other hand, was in pajama pants depicting pandas at the beach and a long grey thermal shirt. I had taken off my slippers before Karris had come into the studio, but they were resting by my main setup.

“Nah, I’ll probably Uber it. Zach getting you?”

Zach was Jeremiah’s younger brother. He was in his first year at uni and in exchange for using Jeremiah’s car whenever he wanted, he had to pick up Jeremiah from the studio whenever Jeremiah had too much to drink. Which was pretty often. Overall, I didn’t envy Zach his responsibilities.

Jeremiah nodded. “I texted him a bit ago. Should be on his way. Text me when you get home, yeah?”

“I will. I might stay here for a couple more minutes and jot down some ideas for future episodes. We’ve only got until June scheduled.”

His inky black brows rose. “Yeah, Pet, because it’s January. I think you’ll be fine if you took the night off from planning.”

“You say that, but June will be here before we know it and then you’ll be forced to come up with ideas and guests and you don’t need that kind of responsibility.”

He glared before shrugging. “All else fails, I’ll just ask Harry Styles to be a guest.” He had only a second to dodge the pen I sent flying at his head as a deep cackle left his mouth. “Only kidding. I’d prefer to keep all my limbs and appendages.”

“And don’t you forget it.”

Plopping a sleepy and quick kiss to the top of my head, he waved me off. “See you next week, Pet. Don’t stay here too late, yeah?”

“I won’t. Say hi to Zach to me.”

I heard the door close behind him and through the glass of the sound booth watched him walk out of the studio. I curled my knees up to my chest and balanced my notebook on the knee, debating on who I could get in the studio next. We had some pretty cool guests scheduled, including a science fiction professor that traveled and taught some classes at different universities. My dream was to get Peter Jackson in the studio eventually, but I knew that it was impossible— and I would probably have a heart attack if I was in the vicinity of Peter Jackson.

I jotted down a couple of ideas before I seriously considered Jeremiah’s words. Every so often I debated on swallowing my pride and reaching out to Harry to ask if he would ever be interested in being on Alien Crossing. From what I had seen in interviews over the years, he seemed to have changed for the better. But whenever I started planning out how I would possibly ask him, I remembered that it didn’t matter if he had changed for the better. He had made my life miserable. And I didn’t know if I wanted him in my sacred place. Besides, interviews weren’t always candid and unfiltered. He probably had coaching on what to say to not ruin his image. Who knew if his kindness and maturity was real?

My phone pinged with a notification as I ran my hands through my hair. I lifted it briefly, seeing Jeremiah’s name across the screen.

Got home safely. If you’re still at the studio, I’m gonna kill you. Zach says hi.

I smiled to myself. Jeremiah was a rare diamond in the rough. When I had started at Outset, I had been terrified. Sure, people listened to my podcast at uni because there was a big population of arts and humanities students. They liked reading and watching films. At Outset, I was surrounded by radio shows and mainstream ideas. I was worried that no one would care about things like how it was a shame Firefly only got one season.

Then Jeremiah had come, like a guardian angel sent directly for me. I had been wearing a Harry Potter shirt and he had asked what house I was in. The nonchalant and non-judgemental way he had casually asked the question nearly made me cry. Then, when I had answered that I had been sorted Ravenclaw on Pottermore but was a self-identified Hufflepuff, he had lamented over the fact that he so clearly belonged in Slytherin but had gotten Gryffindor.

Veronica and I had gotten off to a rockier start simply because she wasn’t into any of the same stuff I was into. She liked current pop culture and shopped at Harrods. She owned perfume by Yves Saint Laurent. She was the opposite of me in every way. But she had gotten used to my random fits of nerdiness and had been kind, kinder than anyone had been in a long time. And then, when my first Outset Studios Christmas rolled around, she had gotten me a box set of The Hobbit movies (I already owned them, but it was very sweet of her) and a Harry Potter sock advent calendar. And when we had come back from the holiday, she offhandedly mentioned that she caught the first two Harry Potter films on their annual Christmastime marathon and wanted to watch the rest of them. She had even let Jeremiah and I sign her up for a Pottermore account to sort her.

She was a Hufflepuff. Naturally.

I’m calling an Uber now, Dad, I responded. Which wasn’t exactly a lie, since I opened the Uber app and was prepared to get a car when I remembered the question about Harry Styles. Followed by a remembrance that there was still half a bottle of whiskey and I had a perfectly empty shot glass.

Get your head out of your ass and grow up, Gallego.

Contrary to popular belief, I didn’t think of Harry much. I didn’t want to focus on him. I prided myself on being a fairly positive person. Usually, I could brush off the emails about him. But something was stirring in my stomach tonight, and the taunts and jokes at my expense came rushing back like a flood.

Knowing I was going to have a killer headache in the morning but finding that I didn’t much care, I took another shot.

And then I ordered a 2017 white Nissan Sentra driven by a woman named Clarissa for the ride home, forcing all thoughts of Harry Styles out of my head until next week, when I would inevitably be asked about him again.

My therapist, a lovely woman named Doctor Thorne, suggested that I relieve stress through physical activity. We had tried simple touches at first, lightly running one or two fingers over my lips to spread parasympathetic fibers to my nervous system. Then, we had tried simple breathing techniques. But I didn’t have the attention span to keep my breathing even. So, we had come to the conclusion that yoga might be beneficial.

Usually it was. Except for when I was stuck in a position I couldn’t get out of.

“Petra, your pigeon pose is atrocious,” Melody mentioned from beside me. Her pigeon pose, naturally, was flawless.

“My body wasn’t meant to bend this way,” I whispered angrily. And it truly wasn’t. My legs were too short to reach my arms properly in the position I was supposed to be in. Melody had the long, gangly limbs needed for this particular pose.

“Shh,” someone hissed from in front of us. Melody and I immediately exchanged a look and tried to keep from laughing.

If Jeremiah and Veronica were my work best friends, Melody was my best friend in every other aspect. We had met at Dr. Thorne’s office when she was coming out of the office and Dr. Thorne had asked me if she could run to the bathroom before our session started. Melody was an impulsive sharer, which was how five minutes later I had her entire life story and her phone number in my phone, in case I “ever wanted to chat.”

We had met for coffee a week later.

Since then, Melody and I had latched onto one another. She didn’t have many friends and hated her roommates because they always left their flat messy. I didn’t have many friends and lived in a one bedroom that was barely big enough for me but the rent was low. It was a pretty beneficial relationship for the both of us, since we had a convenient friend to invite places and she crashed on my couch when her roommates were being especially shitty.

“Slowly come out of the pigeon pose,” our yoga instructor commanded from the front of the room. Melody and I always strategically grabbed a place in the back because we got away with talking. Sometimes. By the glare on the woman’s face in front of us, we weren’t getting away with it at the current moment. “And then let the top half of your body lower to the mat to transition into the cobra pose.”

This pose was one I could do at least. But I was stuck in the pigeon pose. Melody reached over and pressed up on my back to get me the momentum I needed to lean forward. I sent her a grateful grin.

Since Dr. Thorne had recommended yoga four months ago, I had tried to get to a class at least once a week. Melody wasn’t seeking stress relief, but she didn’t mind yoga as a form of exercise considering she hated going to the gym. Soon enough, weekly yoga became our thing. We tried to do it twice a week, once in an actual studio and then once at home, but our home yoga sessions usually turned into us drinking wine and watching the telly.

“Great. I can’t do this pose,” Melody grumbled under her breath. Since the cobra pose involved pushing out the chest and tilting the head back, I understood why she had trouble with it. Melody had back problems because her tits were massive. Whenever I lamented the fact that I wasn’t blessed in the chest region, she was quick to put me in my place. And considering she was only twenty-four with the back problems of a seventy-year-old woman, there was some truth to her scoldings.

“Don’t do it if you’re going to hurt yourself,” I stated in a hushed tone. I knew she wouldn’t listen. Melody, along with being an over-sharer and having massive tits, was also incredibly stubborn.

“Fuck you, I’m fine,” she whispered back, grunting in annoyance when her back let out a loud crack.

“Shh!”

“You want to try doing this pose with these tits, lady?” Melody was quick to reply, narrowing her eyes. The woman in front of us looked slightly offended and shocked, like she couldn’t believe how vulgar Melody was being. I didn’t think it was one of the most vulgar things that had left Melody’s mouth, but I was probably just desensitized.

Still, it was effective. The woman didn’t shush us for the rest of the yoga class.

“Every time we come here I hate myself more than I did before,” Melody mentioned as we made our way to the women’s room. I usually liked to wait to get home to take my showers, but since Melody’s roommates were notorious for taking showers that were two hours long, her shower at home was more than likely occupied. So I sat on the bench in the ladies room while Melody took a quick shower.

I didn’t mind yoga. Sure, I wish I could relieve stress by sitting on the couch and doing nothing, but it was better than cardio. If Dr. Thorne had suggested cardio for my stress, I might have had to find a new therapist. “It isn’t so bad,” I called out, a little louder than normal since I knew firsthand how loud the showers at the gym were.

“Yeah, because you don’t have boobs the size of a small country.” A sudden waft of the body wash I knew Melody used hit me in the face like a fist. She always used too much. “We heading back to your place after this?”

“If you want. I’ve got to sort through some emails for AC and contact a couple of guests to confirm, but then afterwards we can get some food and watch the telly.”

Melody and I didn’t like the same shows. At all. But we were selfless with one another because our friendship was important to the both of us, and so we took turns choosing what show we would watch. Last week had been my turn, so I knew I was bound to end up watching reruns of Gossip Girl tonight. I didn’t hate the shows Melody watched, but there was only so much gossip, money, and toxic relationships I could take before I begged her to turn it off.

“Oh yeah. Who’s in the studio next week?”

She was also very diligent with inquiring about how AC was going. She worked as a data analyst at The Associates Global. I still didn’t know exactly what her job entailed, but she was quick to offer information whenever I had questions. Melody thought my job was the coolest thing since sliced bread considering she didn’t know podcasts were a thing. She had been an avid audiobook listener before I converted her. Now, I couldn’t get her to stop listening to podcasts.

“Rick Baker. He’s an incredible special effects makeup artist. He did the makeup for An American Werewolf in London.” Melody emerged from the shower, clad in a tiny baby blue towel. She had a brow raised. I knew this meant that she had no idea what that movie was and was wondering if he’d done work in a movie she’d know. “He also did the makeup for Jim Carrey’s Grinch.”

“Oh how fun,” she mentioned excitedly. “If he has time and the two of you aren’t super tired, you should have him give you some pointers.”

Because I was me and my mind was an endless black hole of nerd questions and aspirations, I had dabbled previously in special effects makeup. I wasn’t terrible at it. I had made Melody look like a mermaid last Halloween, complete with bright pink and purple scales all over her body. I was nowhere near a professional though.

“Maybe I will.” Melody quickly changed into a clean version of the outfit she’d gone to yoga in— leggings and a tank top. Since it was January, however, she also had thrown a cardigan on over her shoulders. No matter how hot yoga had made us, the second we stepped out into the London weather, we would regret not having on long sleeves. “But for now all I can think about is curling up on my couch and eating Chinese food until my stomach protests.”

“We’re awful yoga people. We should be getting green smoothies at a juice bar right now.”

I raised a brow. “Do you want to go get green smoothies at a juice bar?”

“God no.”

The gym where we did our yoga was in Croydon, so it was only a twenty-three minute bus ride to my flat back in Merton. Merton hadn’t been my first choice for a flat location in London, but Outset was a ten minute walk from the flat that I had found for a decent enough price. Melody usually ordered an Uber back to her place in Wimbledon or sometimes took the bus if she had time to deal with public transit. Since I didn’t have a car, she was stuck doing the bus with me if she wanted to go back to my place.

Luckily for me (because I was so lazy) my flat didn’t require me to climb up any stairs. I don’t know how’d I’d gotten lucky with that one, but when the landlady had told me, I jumped at the opportunity to move in. It was also perfect for days like today, when Melody and I had sweat our asses off at yoga and my legs felt like jelly. I didn’t think given my current state I could climb any stairs.

“Make yourself at home. I can’t do anything until I shower,” I announced when I let Melody and I into my flat. It was a tiny, pathetic little thing, but I didn’t mind. I didn’t need much. Most of the equipment I needed for AC was either kept at the studio or Jeremiah let me store it in his flat. Melody immediately flopped onto my couch and groaned.

“I’m not moving for the next hour and a half. Want me to order the Chinese?”

“You’re my savior.”

I heard Melody’s laugh as I made my way to my bathroom. My sweaty clothes were immediately thrown into my hamper, which was really just an extra cupboard that I hadn’t found a use for. I ended up shoving a laundry basket underneath it and deemed it to be my dirty clothes hamper. Ignoring the growing pile of clothes to sit in said hamper, I turned the shower on and let the water run for a minute. It took a little while for it to heat up to the scalding temperature I wanted.

My parents had complained when I was younger about how hot my showers were. It hadn’t been a serious problem before, only mildly annoying when they tried to go into the bathroom afterwards and they were sweating by the time they had come out. It had only started worrying them when I once had the water up so hot that I had passed out. Granted, I hadn’t eaten that entire day either, so it was a combination of both. But since that moment they had limited the temperature of the water or the amount of time I spent in a scalding shower. When I moved to uni, the showers had shit water pressure and wouldn’t get to the burning temperature I wanted. These two facts meant that since I was in my own flat, I could burn my body to my heart’s content. Which was exactly what I did when I stepped under the stream.

I had minimal bath products in my shower. There was a generic face wash, vanilla scented body wash, and a shampoo/conditioner set I had picked up at the TK Maxx by the studio. It annoyed Melody, who was a firm believer in having seven products in her skin care routine, but the four products I owned had served me well so I wasn’t going to change them up for the heck of it.

The hot water would have been enough to lure me into an hour long shower if it wasn’t for the growling of my stomach. I sighed, lamenting the warmth my shower offered when I cut off the stream and stepped onto my bath mat, wrapping myself in a bright red towel I was pretty sure I had gotten as a house-warming gift from my mother.

“We’re watching Gossip Girl!” Melody announced, probably hearing the bathroom door open when I stepped out.

I didn’t bother replying. She knew how I felt about the show. Instead I walked to my closet and changed into thick leggings and a jumper I’d owned since secondary school. In fact, I was pretty sure Harry had made fun of this exact jumper once long ago. It was a pretty pastel green, plastered with the words “gravity...always bringing me down.” It was one of my favorites, despite the fact that I had wanted to burn it when Harry and his friends had made fun of it one day. It had hung in my closet, forgotten and lonely, until a couple of months after he had left for the X-Factor and I had bravely worn it once more.

Padding out to the living room, Melody offered me the mug of tea she had made for me and I took it gratefully, even if it burned my fingers. My laptop was on my couch from last night, when I had gotten home from the studio and sent a couple of confirmation emails to guests that would be here for AC later this month. Setting my feet on the coffee table in front of me, I opened up the laptop and clicked around until I got to AC’s official email.

Most of them were encouraging. They were excited for upcoming guests and the hour-long podcast I had planned to discuss the Marvel Cinematic Universe thus far and how I thought Endgame would end. That week would be fun, considering I had a sketch artist that worked with Marvel on one of the Captain America comics. It was one I had yet to read, but I already had it in my list on Marvel Comics official website, which I paid for monthly. It was an edition of Captain America that had Sam Wilson as Cap, and I was excited to see how he did as America’s symbol.

Some of them were about Harry and for more information on what growing up with him was like, but I ignored those. Like I always did. I tried to reply back to emails that we didn’t get to read on the podcast, but the ones about Harry were always left opened and read, never to be brought up again. These particular emails were about the question I had been asked on the last episode of AC, which was whether Harry had many girlfriends in secondary school.

As I was scrolling and Melody was complaining about something playing out on the telly, I noticed an email from someone with a Harry email name. These weren’t uncommon. Usually Jeremiah and Veronica looked at them if they wanted to have a laugh. But this wasn’t from a normal gmail or yahoo account.

To: [email protected]

From: [email protected]

Petra,

I caught your last episode of Alien Crossing and listened to it on a trip I took over the weekend. It was, for lack of a better term, amazing. I never knew how much work went into the production crew of a big sci-fi film. The lads and I had large crews when we filmed music videos, but it was nothing like your guest last week was describing. It was really interesting.

I’ll be in your area in two weeks. I don’t know if you’d want to, but I was wondering if you’d want to get together? Maybe get a bite to eat or something to drink? Haven’t seen you since secondary school and would like to catch up.

Hope to see you soon,

Harry

“Holy shit,” I mumbled under my breath, my eyes locked on the words on my screen. It could have been a joke. It probably was a joke. It was probably someone pretending to be Harry. Because the Harry I knew wouldn’t have been so courteous and kind in an email to me.

“I know, right! Can’t believe Chuck sold her for a fucking hotel!”

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mattsyrmiller · 5 years ago

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( ✩ - ARON PIPER, MALE, TWENTY-ONE, HE/HIM ) have you seen MATÍAS MILLER around campus lately? HE is a SENIOR studying as a BUSINESS MAJOR. they remind me a lot of covered-up tattoos, cigarettes, endless streams of coffee and business agendas, probably because they are LOYAL & TACTICAL. HE is living OFF CAMPUS at the moment! ✩ beti, 21, CET, she/her. – )

hello hello! i’m beti and this is my fav child Matt!! i tried do a summary of his bio but it ended up so long i added a summary to the summary lol,, scroll to the bottom for that. also hmu for plots and connections, either here or on discord!

matt was the result of an unplanned teen pregnancy

his dad’s parents disowned their son upon learning he fathered a child at seventeen and denied him any and all financial support, which among other things meant he would no longer be able to attend an ivy league business school he’d already been accepted into

his mom’s parents helped with the bare essentials for raising a child, but never gave more than absolutely necessary, oftentimes leaving the young family struggling to pay their bills

his parents started having a lot of relationship problems but stayed together for the sake of their child, as soon as his mom realized matt was the only thing keeping the family together, she “accidentally” forgot to take her birth control and gave birth to twin boys and later a little girl

when matt was 8 his parents had a nasty split, dad moved to new york and completely cut ties with his family, matt was the only one to keep in contact with him

the reason his dad moved to NY was because of a once-in-a-lifetime business opportunity that skyrocketed his venture capital firm and made him a prominent name in the world of venture capital

Matt has spent his whole life trying to be like his dad, he always pushed himself to be at the top of his class, had to be the president of every club he found himself in, attended all local business talks (first as a visitor, then as a speaker) and has been working on getting his name out there since he was basically a child

he ended up graduating high school a year early (partially cause he knew it would look good on his resume and partially because he really wanted to get out of his hometown,,,, his mom remarried soon after his dad left and yes, her new husband was actually a very cool guy, but the whole family tried to pretend like matt’s real dad didn’t even exist and the stepdad was the only guy in their life and that just,,, irked matt a lot and caused a lot of fights in the household)

he moved to California when he was 17 to major in international business at Columbia

his dad’s net worth had reached the millions by then, he didn’t really care to share the wealth with his ex-wife and kids, but he did start sending generous checks Matt’s way once he started uni

with no financial troubles to weigh him down, matt spent his undergrad years as a library dweller by day, party animal by night, his ability to balance a thriving social life and a successful academic career probably his biggest talent of all

at the beginning of his very last undergrad semester, his dad fatally injured himself while rock climbing, leaving all of his shares of Miller Ventures to Mat

matt became the majority owner of one of the biggest firms in the country basically overnight with his net worth now just shy of $700 mil

miller ventures came under fire when news broke on then 19-year-old matt being the new guy in charge, most people didn’t even know his dad had a child and so they weren’t too trusting of the decision to leave this huge company in the arms of some unknown kid

matt became terrified of ruining his dad’s legacy, he quickly appointed one of his dad’s business partners a CEO and told everyone he would remain a hands-off owner until he completed his degree and got some real-life business experience

hard work has always been his means of distraction and so he managed to graduate top of his class at Columbia and even get himself accepted into NYU’s business MA program that very same year

he lives off-campus, in a manhattan penthouse he inherited from his dad

at the moment, every decision he makes links back to the firm and his fear of doing something stupid that could ruin its reputation

if he’s not good friends with people and doesn’t feel 100% comfortable around them, there’s about a 99% chance he’ll be extra fake when interacting with them, mainly because he’s afraid of cancel culture and doesn’t want to do anything stupid that would reflect poorly on the value of his firm

for that same reason, he doesn’t have a real social media presence and is super cautious about how much he shares with strangers

he used to be a huge party animal, but stopped going out as much after inheriting the firm (again, because he doesn’t want to be labeled as a reckless young drunk who’ll just run the firm into the ground). He’s still very social though and loves to host events, one of his favorite things is to just get together with friends and do game nights (he loves event hosting!)

In general, he’s just really hardworking, really cares about his image and will be super fake nice to everyone, though he’ll revert back to the outspoken, direct, flirty kid he’s always been with people he trusts

he’s pretty much just a walking identity crisis, split between being a serious businessman and a twenty-one-year-old carefree daredevil

Also! After his dad died, his mom refused to go to the funeral or even let her other kids attend it, she asked Matt to give up the firm and come home instead, they had a huge falling out over it and ended up cutting ties with each other

Even though they don’t speak anymore, Matt still loves his mom and is thankful for all the sacrifices she’s made, he misses her and his siblings very much, but is too stubborn and too proud to go home. If anyone asks, he’ll just say his family is happy back in Atlanta and won’t even hint at any family drama

His mom is Spanish and she made sure her kids grew up around Spanish media so Matt is bilingual, but I don’t really speak Spanish so please don’t test me on that………… he also speaks fluent german and is attempting to learn mandarin cause ykno its good for business

His full name is Matías Sawyer Muratalla Miller but he dropped his mother’s last name after the falling out so he goes by Matías Miller in public/business settings and by Matt Miller in private.

Idk that’s it I think? He’s a dog person, hasn’t seen most major blockbusters in the recent years, deleted Netflix cause he wants to be more productive but ironically still has cable, one of his goals is to open a board game cafe though it's more of a hobby for him than a main business type of a ting, he loves sports, huge soccer fan, loves to work out, loves being outdoors, prefers to be with people than alone, he’s definitely an extravert and a big social butterfly

that’s all i can think or right now but hmu and we can do plots and connections and i’ll let you know if i think of anything else!!

SUMMARY:

He’s a business boy who used to be a party boy until his dad (his #1 role model in life) passed away and left him with a huge venture capital firm, now he’s in a constant state of an identity crisis, split between not wanting to take life too seriously and always being afraid of doing something stupid that could ruin the reputation of his firm, he’s a lil paranoid about how people perceive him and what kind of an image he gives off to the world. He’s the biggest extravert you’ll ever met and n e e d s people around him at all times, needs at least like five friends to talk about life and feelings with (but is also a bit paranoid people only want to be friends with him for his money so that sucks) uhh yeah idk he’s doing his best i know he seems fake at first but idk give him a chance he’s a very loyal friend and fun to mess around with when he forgets to give a shit abt his reputation

#nyuintro

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deaky-trash · 6 years ago

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The Smallest Coffins Are Always the Heaviest | Part 1

A/N: @toger-raylor wanted me to tag them in this and I'm already working on part two so be ready for some extreme angst

Pairing: Roger Taylor x F!Reader

Warnings: Idk? Fluff?? Angst will be in the next two chapters so get some tissues darlings. Probably just some spelling/grammar errors and my garbo writing.

Word Count: 1.2k (she thicc)

“So, um,” Y/N began, awkwardly smiling down at her dinner plate sat in front of her. Another thing that sat in front of her was her best friend Roger, whom she had known since primary school. “Is your food good, Rog?” she asked, her face turning reddish as she beamed up at the handsome blonde man. “Yeah, it’s good. Even if it is a bit strange being on a date with my best friend and roommate,” he laughed. You chuckled along with him in the restaurant as you two ate.

That’s how it all began. Y/N’s relationship with Roger had been built off of a nearly fifteen year long friendship, which had also been built upon the guys’ encouragement and pushing for the two to get together. Freddie would always plan dates, help with her outfits and hair, and do your makeup for her.

As it went on, though, Y/N did become very affectionate towards the doe-eyed man that she had known for nearly her whole life. They were completely inseparable since they had met in Year 1, where Y/N became known as “that new girl that hangs out with Roger.” But to little Roger, she was his best friend.

It was as though they were sewed together at the hip, even taking the same courses in secondary school so they could spend every waking moment together. The other guys in Queen could clearly tell the two were soulmates, but they were so oblivious to their love for each other.

College was no different. Even though Y/N was a paleontology major and Roger seemed to be very set on the route of dentistry, the two rented out a flat to share while they were at uni. Once Roger began touring with the band, she got to see the world with him. The man that she loved so much. She would drop out of college to travel with her Rogie.

The two were dating for several years now, and Queen had become a household name with Killer Queen and You’re My Best Friend. Y/N and Roger seemed madly in love, like they were even closer together. Roger could barely leave Y/N alone in a club without getting worried about her getting hurt. Even with the roadies around, Roger was always by her side, even giving her front row seats to their shows so he could shoot her smiles as he played his drums.

America was a lovely place, being able to see all kinds of amazing people and seeing the different towns’ surprisingly vast cultures. The country accents and rowdiness of the midwest and south to the soft voices and kind demeanor of many northerners. They were all so different and that was amazing to her.

During the last show of the tour in the U.S., Freddie had made a special announcement for the two and handed a microphone to Roger, who had just hopped down from where his drum set was sitting. He motioned for her to come up onto the stage.

Brian helped she up and smiled at her, ushering her off to Roger. Y/N met her wonderful boyfriend in center stage, while most of the crowd was going wild with cheers and screams for the band.

Roger was red, however, not from the task of playing the drums. He looked strangely nervous, which was not his usual self, especially for a man nicknamed “Rainbow” from his colorful wardrobe and was currently wearing butterfly pants and a fully unbuttoned silk shirt.

Her smile shined bright to him, even under the dim, orange-tinted lights. Her eyes sparkled in the dark room as though they contained star-filled night skies of their own while she shared a loving gaze with Roger. His heart skipped a beat at the beauty that stood across from him. He couldn’t believe that someone this amazingly intelligent, kind, and gorgeous could be in love with him.

Roger took a deep breath and spoke into the microphone softly, “Y/N, you are the gentlest soul I have ever come across in my entire life. Your laugh is like magic. You cheer me up in a single glance with your gorgeous smile. I can’t believe that you love me. I feel like the luckiest man on Earth right now. I get to be here, surrounded by friends and fans. And here with you. You make me the happiest, Y/N. I melt into a puddle when I’m around you. You make me feel like I’m in Heaven every day. I want to feel like that all the time,” Roger gushed. Y/N was able to see tears well up in his eyes. However, she became the crying one when Roger bent down on one knee and pulled a ring out of the pocket of his pants.

“Will you marry me, Y/N/N?” he smiled softly at her. The same way he smiled at her when they had first met. Y/N nodded ecstatically and he jumped up, hugging her tightly while the crowd roared with excited screams, whistles and claps. She pulled away partially and pressed a loving kiss to his lips, Freddie cheering from the sidelines.

The wedding wasn’t the most magical scene to outsiders, just the normal wedding other than a large amount of guests, but to Y/N and Roger, it was the greatest day of their lives. He stood at the end of the aisle in the chapel. He seemed more nervous than he was proposing, and both of the families were smiling, waiting for the ceremony to start.

The music silenced anyone talking as the pianist began to play. The groomsmen, which included John, Brian, and Freddie, walked down the aisle with the bridesmaids. John had the usual sweetheart grin on his face. He was always happy and giggly all the time and it was nice to see one member of the band was always so sweet.

Y/N’s father began walking her down the aisle, and Roger stared at his soon-to-be wife. He was in awe at the woman approaching him in that white dress that so many little girls dream about wearing one day when they find the one. “Wow,” was the only word that he was able to say as he watched the woman of his dreams.

Y/N hugged her father softly as she stood across from Roger. The smile on her face lit up the chapel. Roger felt as if he was in his own little world with her. She was the only thing he could see. Y/N grabbed his hands, Roger coming back into reality as the minister began the speech.

The reception was one of the biggest parties Roger had ever seen, and that was pretty big coming from the Roger Taylor, drummer of Queen. Some fans the guys had met and become friends with were even there. Y/N was walking around and greeting some of the people who had showed up, while Roger was talking to the guys.

“Congratulations, Rog,” Brian smiled and took a sip of the wine he was holding. “Yes, darling! Knowing you, we thought you’d never get married! But here you are!” Freddie laughed and rested his arm around his friend’s shoulder. John just smiled softly as his own wife Veronica came up to give her own congratulations as well.

Roger seemed a lot more happy at this moment than he had ever really been in his life. He was finally able to spend the rest of his life with the love of his life, and was so thankful for her in this moment. He felt like the luckiest man in the world to marry Y/N L/N.

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firedingo · 5 years ago

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A Not So Little Update Post On Life

So it’s been a while since I’ve done one of the blog posts. Not by choice though. Life has been hectic!

Dad

So one of the biggest changes for me has been walking into a full-time caring role for my father who is challenging at the best of times because he likes the world to operate on his terms and that’s not how life works. At times I struggle to get him to see the seriousness of his situation.

He has long term health issues which include chronic alcohol abuse leading to memory issues and seizures when he undergoes withdrawal. He’s also only partially compliant with taking his medication which leads to further issues.

On top of that he had a valve replaced a few years ago with a metal one which means his blood clotting level needs to be monitored regularly and at the moment he’s like a rollercoaster going between so thick it’s like cheese to so thin it’s like water.

It’s also not helped by the fact my father is also essentially homeless and couch surfing with friends and refusing to even entertain any option that would cost more than $100/week. He’s dreaming if he thinks he’ll find anything at that rate because he won’t but because a mate of his will charge him that much to sleep on his couch he now compares everything else to that -_-

Uni

The other big thing which I think I’ve mentioned before has been uni. I went back to study to finish off my bachelor of Information Technology off. I have about a year’s worth of work left but doing it at part-time rate since I’ve been caring for my father.

Passed 1 of 2 subjects last semester which was my first semester. Got an additional exam for the other subject. Missed passing the final exam by 8 marks which means no subject pass even though I have the marks to pass :(

Only doing one subject this semester but will sit two exams in exam period. The additional exam from last semester and the exam for this subject. I’m hoping I can do this. A touch anxious because despite dropping back to one subject I’m still struggling to find time thanks to my father.

So 2 weeks ago my father was admitted to hospital confused thinking it was 1999 again. I spent a week concerned about him. Then 2 days ago I was admitted briefly for a few hours.

Viral Illness

For the last 6 days I’ve been suffering what I think is just a common cold but it has beat the living crap out of me. On triage at the hospital I had a temperature of 38 degrees Celsius or 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit.

I was also highly dehydrated despite drinking perhaps 4 litres or more of water every day for the previous 4 days. Alas none of the water was being absorbed and was just passing through me.

I also had a heart rate of 130 beats per minute which is only like 40 more beats than I’d normally have.

So they started me on a bag of fluids and got me some pain relief for my throat which by this stage was making it all but impossible to swallow food or liquids. About 30 minutes into the bag of fluids they checked me again and my temperature had gone up to 39.1 degrees Celsius or 102.2 degrees Fahrenheit. Yikes! Another 30 minutes later and my temp was back at 38 degrees Celsius or 100.5 degrees Fahrenheit.

Then the lovely nurse I knew gave me some steroids to reduce the swelling in my throat and started some antibiotics to cover their butts in case bacterial(I don’t think it’s bacterial but anyway).

Quite a few people commented that the colour has returned to my face after the bag of fluids. I began to realise little things like the return of saliva generation, the reduction in my thirst desire which I’d just not really registered in the 4 days prior. I was drinking automatically when I needed it but not really registering I was thirsty.

After everything I felt a lot more alert and more like myself. I wasn’t shivering every 5 seconds too. Just before discharge they checked my obs again and temp was down to 37.2 I think degrees Celsius or 98.96 degrees Fahrenheit. I remember 37 point something at least. Almost normal as I think it’s 36.7 for normal. My heart rate came back from 130 beats per minute to 100 beats per minute which was much better too.

So as you can see I’ve had a hell of a week with a raging fever and cough and sore throat. On Tuesday evening I reckon I might have been a good 39 or even 40 degrees Celsius / 102.2 or even 104 degrees Fahrenheit.

So consequently I’m now so far behind on an assignment due this week. Hoping I’m granted special consideration for it. Between my dad last week and me this week I’ve been unable to work on it. It’s not hard but it will require a clear head and time neither of which I’ve been able to find.

Church & Christianity

Now the other big news. So I’m not sure if I’ve said it here or much here but I think it’s worth sharing.

So 7 and 3/4 months ago I started going to church with my neighbours. At first it was an exercise in curiosity and intellect. I learned heaps and found sooooooo many assumptions I’d made were sooooooooo wrong too.

Remember kids, Never Judge a Book By Its Cover! And that goes for the Holy Bible too!

Seriously though I��d never read it and made assumptions from what little I did know. I was made a fool of to myself for that. I was glad to know the truth first hand for myself.

What I never expected was to believe. In all this time I’ve been skeptical and questioned everything and you know what? It stacks up more than you might expect.

What has struck me the most is when you read through what Jesus went through in that final week leading up to his crucifixion. It becomes pretty clear that the horror of what is about to happen begins to really set in for Jesus.

Through Year 11 at high school I took Ancient History for a subject. I looked at Emperor Nero and the burning of Rome. Consequently I got to know Tacitus’s work very well and I quite respect him as a historian. He speaks about Jesus.

Tacitus was a Roman senator. He was born within a few years after Jesus’s death and he was no fan of Christians or Jesus and was VERY loyal to the Roman empire, yet he speaks with such confidence of the death of Jesus you have to ask why would he lie? To me this along with the likely medical evidence of what he went through says Jesus died on the cross.

It was a pretty gruesome death. He essentially suffocated to death in agonizing pain and according to the Bible he was fully conscious of what was happening until the last moment when he finally grew too weak to be able to inhale again.

So the striking bit, the striking bit is that despite all that, Jesus WILLINGLY went through it all. How many people can you say that would do that? That would suffer an unbelievably painful death to save another?

That’s such a profound love that it’s almost incomprehensible. We see mirrors of that behaviour in tragedies we experience. I think about the one of the cars that drove down one of the streets in Melbourne and people pushed others out of the way of the car to save them only to be collected themselves. That’s love, incredible love!

That’s why I so really.....well love this passage from Romans 5, because I think it captures the whole idea and act of love so well.

6 You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11 Not only is this so, but we also boast in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

- Romans 5 : 6 - 11

The other thing I never expected was to be poked back when I started poking Christianity. I can’t explain it.....or well I can’t scientifically explain it but when I pray God hears me and my prayers are answered.

Mental health

Getting to know Jesus and through Jesus God has been one of the best things for me. So the word Gospel means good news and truthfully this has been good news, this has been the best news of my life.

Quite literally it has saved my life. And I don’t mean like saved from being thrown into hell. I mean saved from taking my own life by suicide saved.

Before as readers should know, I had a pretty hopeless outlook on life. I would describe it as a nihilistic hoplessness because it really was that bad.

So I went to my church’s Good Friday and Easter Sunday services. The minister preaching then on Easter Sunday said “death removes the meaning from life”. It profoundly changed the way I looked at everything!

It all struck me and made sense to me on that Good Friday but it was Easter Sunday that transformed my life and filled me with hope.

Suddenly everything mattered in the light of the idea of eternal life. For you see even our greatest buildings will be consumed in more or less 1000 years. At that point what can we do that will last? Nothing!

But if we live after death then the most valuable thing we have is our relationships and how we treat other people.And that means what I do now will have a lasting impact because I will remember what I’ve done and so will they.

That means every action now has meaning, from something as simple as helping an elderly person reach something at the supermarket to how I speak about my life to other people.

I have begun to change in response to this too. Fear no longer rules my life.

I find that lots of the Bible is true, for example when Jesus says:

29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

- Matthew 11 : 29 - 30

I find that this is very true. The burden is far less than I put upon myself and I bear the world on my shoulders as the Titan Atlas did/does.

I have been so profoundly changed for the good by my belief I got baptized last Sunday. I froze my arse off too :P

Despite that it was a wonderful day and I want to share with all of you the profoundly good news and great gift I have found in Christianity and my church.

While I know not everyone is interested, can I encourage anyone who is to take a chance, to really go all in. Look at me, I tried to take my own life in the past twice no less and yet I have been given the greatest gift - a life of hope and love by daring to take a chance. If I can go from nihilistic hopelessness to a life of hope and love then why not give it a shot?

What’s the worst that can happen eh? Worst is that nothing changes but I think you’ll find more than that because there’s something about Christianity that’s beautiful and healing.

To give you some insight. I’ve been struggling with self-harm thoughts for a long time, more than a decade. The other night while I was very ill and not coping I had to deal with them again. I said no and pushed back against them. It’s the first time I said no and didn’t self-harm myself despite the thoughts.

I have changed. I have grown, I have healed and I am healing and I am loved and I love and I have hope and NONE of this would have been possible without church and Christianity. It’s truly profoundly changed my life for the better!

Game Jam & Closing Stuff

So as you can see my life has been hectic hey? I haven’t given up on video games either :D

I started having a crack at GMC Jam a few weeks ago but well dad ate my time up. I did get something started though. I should finish it though.

And yes that is a giant infinite column of spawning slimes :P

And yes I noticed my tiles needed a bit of adjusting and offsetting to make them a touch bit better but that’s cool. I was impressed I got like 4 variations with minimal work to add variety.

The player also animates just in a still image that’s hard to show.

Just been so stupidly busy I just haven’t had the time for video games! But I wanted to share some of my life and give a bit of an update on things because well it might be a while before I can get another one of these little......well not so little update posts out.

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hazhasmycoffee · 6 years ago

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Don’t Give Up on Me Chapter 2

Dailies (Chapter 2)

Words: 2.7k Pairing: Military!Harrison x Female!Reader Summary: The part where Harrison lets you know he’s made it to his destination Warnings: possible heartbreak, angst, foul language, some fluff

A/N: I have no words for all the sweet messages you guys have sent me and the tags from the reblogs! You guys are honestly the best! This is a longer chapter since the next one will be shorter (you’ll see what I mean when we get there). Also please ignore the faces in the photos inserted into the chapter; I just needed the dresses. I hope you enjoy the fluff! (for now)

Series Masterlist Masterlist

“And I can say that I’ve changed, that I’ll keep you safe. I’ll be fine, don’t give up on me, I’ll come around. Lost my faith, made mistakes, kept myself awake” Fireworks by Sleep On It

Y/N received a message from Harrison as soon as he arrived at the base where he was going to be training before heading out to the Middle East.

Y/N, I made it to the base here in Spain. I won’t be able to message of call you until I’m done with training. Don’t worry about me. Let my family know that I’m okay. I love you.

Y/N smiled as she read the message on WhatsApp. She quickly replied to her best friend.

I’m glad you’re safe and okay, Haz. I’ll let them know. Whenever you can message or call, do it. I don’t care what time it is. I love you too.

That was the last message Y/N received before Harrison reached the Middle East.

Harrison packed his gear for his week of training, and the only thought running through his mind was Y/N’s words to him before he left. You don’t have to be a hero. The truth was that he wanted to be a hero. He wanted to be Y/N’s hero, but in order for him to be that for her, he had to make back home. His plan was to survive the next 8 months and make it back to his family, friends, and Y/N.

While Y/N counted down the days before she could get a message or call from Harrison, she tried to live life as normally as she could. She found herself at a local pet shop buying Monty treats before heading over to the Osterfield’s home. On her walk to their home, she took in the familiar scenic route. Thoughts automatically went to Harrison, and as she rounded the corner to reach his home, she realized that he wasn’t going to be the one to greet her at the door. As she lifted a slightly trembling hand to ring the doorbell. She could hear Harrison’s mother say that she was coming to the door.

“Y/N, sweetie! What a lovely surprise! What brings you here?” She asked as she hugged Y/N.

“I brought Monty some treats, and I wanted to see if Charlotte wanted to hang out for a bit.” Y/N hugged her back.

“Well Charlotte just left to visit some friends, but you’re more than welcomed to stay and have a cuppa. I was just about to put a pot.” She motioned Y/N to come into the house.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” Y/N smiled as she walked into the familiar.

Y/N was immediately greeted by Monty. “Hey Monts! Have you been a good boy?” Y/N knelt down to pet and love on the dog. She noticed the tear stains on the dog’s face and it broke her heart. She gave Monty a treat before taking the treat bag over to the kitchen cabinet that housed the dog’s food.

“How have you been holding up?” Harrison’s mother asked as she poured tea into two cups.

“I’m alright I guess. How have you been? I’m sure it must be hard walking past his room every day.” Y/N responded while walking over to the dining table.

“It is a bit difficult, but I know that Haz will do everything in his power to stay safe. He’s not as big of a div as you might think.” She quietly chuckled at the slight insult toward her son.

“Yeah, you’re right! And he said he would call or message when he’s done with training.” Y/N sat at the table while taking the tea from his best friend’s mother.

“You know, he truly does love you. He will make his way back, dear. You can always come over if you need to spend time in his room.” She stated before taking a sip from her tea.

“Thank you, Mrs. Osterfield. Is it alright if I go to his room after we have our tea?” Y/N asked as she felt the warmth radiating from the cup.

“Of course, dear. Anytime, just come and sit in his room if you need to. I can even get you a key to the house so it’s easier if no one is home.” She offered, and the pain in Y/N’s heart partially eased.

“Thank you so much; I’d really appreciate that.” Y/N smiled at the woman across from her.

“Anytime, love. I’ll give you Haz’s key. I’m sure he’d want you to have it.” She replied as she looked at the young girl across the table drinking her tea.

After finishing her tea, Y/N walked over to Harrison’s room. She took a deep breath before opening the door to her best friend’s bedroom. As the door opened, she caught a whiff of Harrison’s scent, and her eyes glassed over. She took a step inside and expected to see her best friend lounging on his bed, but she saw the bed void of his presence. She sat at the foot of the bed, just like she did the night she found out that Harrison was getting deployed. She grabbed one of his pillows and held onto it tightly. She quietly sobbed as her senses were aching for Harrison’s embrace, laugh, and scent to comfort her. Sadly, that comfort never came.

It was on a Saturday evening when Y/N’s phone began to ring. As she glanced at her phone, Y/N saw that Harrison was facetiming her. She quickly accepted the call and was ecstatic to see her best friend.

“Haz! I’ve missed you! How are you? Are you getting enough sleep? You look tired… Please tell me you’re not being a div and are trying to get some rest!” Y/N couldn’t slow her words down fast enough.

“I’ve missed you too, love. I’m okay, and I can’t always sleep when I want to. And hey! I’m not always a div!” Harrison laughed at his best friend’s behavior.

“Well whenever we’re together, you’re the div out of the two of us!” Y/N fired back with a smile on her face.

“I’ll let that slide. How have you been? Have you managed to stay out of trouble?” Harrison asked while taking in the radiant smile his best friend had.

“I’ve been okay, just missing you a lot. I’ve been over to your house almost every day, and your mom gave me your key.” Y/N’s smile became smaller as she recalled the last week.

“Y/N, love, don’t miss me so much that you don’t get a chance to live your life. I need you to go live your life. Please, do it for me.” He pleaded with his tearful friend.

“I know, and I’m trying. Just… Please come home. I don’t know if I can do another 8 months of this…” Her tears flowing like a flood.

“I wish I could come home, dear. I really wish I could, but we have to go through this. I promise, as soon as I get back, we will do anything you want to do.” He did his best to comfort his best friend who was on the brink of shattering on screen.

“I will try, I promise. And when you get back, all I want to do is hug you and never let go.” Y/N shared in between sobs.

“I wouldn’t mind doing that. If that’s all you want to do, we’ll do it. I can’t wai-”

“OSTERFIELD! Lights out! We leave in 0400 hours. Get your rest!” Y/N assumed it was his commanding officer giving him orders.

“I gotta go. I love you. Live your life. Don’t worry about me, okay?” Harrison tried to cherish his last moments with her.

“I’ll try not to. I love you! Message or call when you can! I love you!” And with that, the call was cut off.

Harrison was able to message or call Y/N for about 20 minutes on a daily basis. Both Harrison and Y/N took what they could when it came to contact with each other. They both preferred facetiming, but that didn’t always happen. During their daily talks, Harrison learned that Y/N became good friends with a girl in one her uni classes named Leslie. He was glad that she was making friends, even more so that it was a girl. Harrison also learned that the Infinity War London event was a fan event, and that the premiere was in Los Angeles. Y/N was telling Harrison how she was freaking out about what to wear when Tom offered to use his connections to get her dresses for the fan event in London and the premiere in Los Angeles. Harrison felt jealous that he couldn’t be with his best friends, and even more so that he wouldn’t be able to see Y/N in the dresses Tom was able to get her.

The day of the Infinity War Fan Event in London arrived, and Y/N was excited. It was the first day in two months that she slowly began to feel normal, or rather a new sense of normal. As she looked over the maroon dress that Tom picked out, she heard her phone ring on her desk. She ran over to her desk to answer it. She saw that it was Harrison facetiming her and quickly answered.

“You look all dolled up! What’s the occasion?” Harrison asked taking in Y/N’s hair and make-up.

“Hello to you too! It’s for the fan event for Infinity War! Wait ‘til you see the dress Tom picked! Hold on!” Y/N laughed, causing Harrison’s heart to skip a beat.

As Y/N placed her phone face up on her desk, Harrison looked at her white ceiling while hearing her struggle a bit.

“You alright over there?” Harrison laughed as he continued to her struggle.

“Yeah… I’m just… trying to get the z-zipper! FINALLY! Okay, close your eyes!” She commanded her best friend excitedly.

Harrison closed his eyes at his best friend’s request and heard her shuffling her phone. The noises finally ceased.

“Okay, open ‘em!” Y/N said as she centered herself in the center of the screen so that Harrison could see a full body shot of her in the dress.

“You look… absolutely stunning, love. You are gonna knock ‘em dead.” Both Harrison’s and Y/N’s cheeks tinted red as his eyes took in the sight of the floor-length maroon dress that hugged her waist and showed a bit of her cleavage.

“Y/N, darling, we need to leave or I’m going to be late again.” Tom’s voice echoed in the background, while Harrison’s heart cracked at the nickname Tom gave Y/N.

“Coming!” Y/N yelled at Tom.

“I have to go. I love you!” She walked over to her desk to pick up her phone.

“I lov-” Harrison tried to say goodbye before he got disconnected, and it hurt him more than he expected.

Harrison got to know his fellow corpsman well, but he still felt alone out in the middle of the desert. He longed to be home, to play with his dog, to have his mother’s cooking, to hear his father’s jokes, to go on drives with his sister, to kiss Y/N. Wait… kiss Y/N??? That was a thought that he hadn’t expected to have, yet the thought felt right, almost second nature. Harrison had to shove that thought away from his mind though. He knew his mission, and he couldn’t let thoughts of her distract him. He needed to make it back home alive, for her.

Over the next few days, Y/N told Harrison about her time at the fan event and how she couldn’t wait for the premiere in Los Angeles. She told him that Tom walked the red carpet alone and tried to shield her from the paparazzi so they wouldn’t think that they were dating. Harrison couldn’t help but notice the glow Y/N had as she spoke about her experiences. He couldn’t exactly tell her about his day, but it didn’t matter because he could listen to her all day.

A little under two weeks after the fan event in London, Y/N, Tom, and the Hollands were on their way to Los Angeles for the world premiere of Infinity War. Y/N knew that the trip would be great, but her heart longed to have Harrison join them. She opted to pay for wi-fi on the plane in case Harrison messaged her. He did. She told him how she was excited to visit the west coast of the US since she had never been before. He asked her to take as many pictures as she could and not to spoil the movie for him. She agreed of course and suggested that they watch it when he got back, which he wholeheartedly agreed.

The day of the premiere arrived, and Y/N was getting ready when her phone began to ring. It was Harrison. He was the only that called Y/N, and it made her heart leap for joy.

“I always seem to catch you when you’re getting ready, huh?” Harrison laughed as he saw his best friend with hair and make-up done but wearing his blue sweater.

“I guess so!” Y/N chuckled. “Isn’t it early morning over there? You usually call or message in the evening.” Y/N pointed out.

“Yeah it is, but I won’t be able to talk to you later tonight.” He briefly looked away to try to hide his disappointment.

“Oh… Why is that?” Y/N questioned.

“I am going to be going away for a while.” Harrison informed the girl whose face he was trying to commit to memory.

“Where are you going?” She asked, already anticipating an answer she didn’t want to hear.

“You know I can’t tell you that, darling. I was told I’ll be away from base for 7 to 10 days.” He answered recalling when Tom called her “darling” two weeks earlier.

“Oh… Please be safe, okay?” Y/N requested.

“You know I will. Now, let’s see that dress! I’m sure you look amazing in it!” Harrison smiled as he saw her blush.

“Okay, hold on!” She said as she put her phone down.

Y/N put on a navy-blue dress and struggled with the zipper once again. Harrison chuckled as he heard her struggle with the zipper. He heard her curse under her breath before she was finally able to get the zipper up.

“Close your eyes!” Y/N told Harrison.

As he closed his eyes, Harrison could hear the shuffling of the phone as Y/N placed it upright and made sure her whole body was in frame.

“You can look now!” She smiled as she waited for her best friend’s reaction.

“Love… You look… I don’t even have words.” Harrison rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he tried to find words that could adequately describe the way he felt when he saw her in the strapless, sweetheart neckline, floor-length navy-blue dress.

“Haz, stop it. I can’t possibly look that great.” Her cheeks tinted in a rose color.

“I’m being completely honest, Y/N. You look absolutely amazing. Don’t be surprised if a guy tries to pick you up.” He warned.

“They can try, but I won’t let them. I’ll just say that I have a boyfriend in the Royal Marines.” Y/N shyly looked away not wanting to see Harrison’s reaction.

“If it keeps assholes away, you can use me anytime!” Harrison smiled and hoped that one day it could become a reality.

“Thanks, Haz.” The way his nickname fell from her smiling lips sounded sweeter than any honey Harrison had ever tried, and he wanted to hear her say his name again and again.

They talked for several minutes before Harrison had to say goodbye and leave for his next destination for the mission he was going to be on.

“I need to go, love, but before I do, can I ask a favor?” Harrison asked not knowing if Y/N would be willing to follow through.

“Anything.” She replied without hesitating.

“Can you send me a picture of you in the dress? You just look so beautiful.” His voice trailed at the request.

“Of course, you div!” Y/N smiled at Harrison’s embarrassment.

“Hey! Well, I gotta go. I love you. I promise to be safe.” He knew that he had to keep that promise. Not for him, but for her.

“I love you. I’ll be waiting for you.” She said sweetly as Harrison ended the call.

Y/N quickly took a selfie and a mirror shot and sent them to Harrison on WhatsApp.

I love you, Harrison. Be safe. Know that I’m waiting for you to come back home.

Taglist: @spideres @sincerelymlg @steven-g-rogers @peacholland @hurricaneofcolors @beautiful-holland @whitelilykim @nillebrein @man-of-vibranium

#becky's writing #don't give up on me #harrison osterfield au #haz osterfield au #harrison osterfield x reader #haz osterfield x reader #harrison x reader #haz x reader #military!au #military!harrison #military!haz #bestfriend!military!harrison #bestfriend!military!haz

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writeyourownlifestory · 6 years ago

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{Love Of My Life} You’ve Hurt Me

Being in the world’s greatest rock band was easy for Roger Taylor. Loving his best friend’s girl....that was hard.

Based on the picture from above. I had this idea that Roger always had feelings about Mary but kept them to himself because of his love/friendship for Freddie.

Wrote it as a joke for my best friends @thatspunkydwarf and @omgellenlouise who I love to torment endlessly. Ladies, enjoy!

Can also be read here on archive!

He used to see her around from time to time; another gorgeous face lost in the sea of people. Even pushed back behind his drum set, Roger could always spot a pretty lady in the crowd. While to some, there would be nothing overly special about her. Long blonde hair and killer style, nothing new for the times. College girls were a dime a dozen, but Roger would be damned if he didn’t find something spectacular in every girl he brought home.

He never brought her home though. Not that he didn’t try. He would wonder over after a set, making his presence known to whatever group of friends she would be talking to. Sometimes he recognized the girls, other times they were new. He would thank them for coming out, introduce himself and even sometimes Brian and Tim. She would smile along but never fall for any of his lines.

And he had plenty of lines. The very thought of having a love song written about them would make any girl weak at the knees. Not her, however. She didn’t seem impressed by his talent, both on and off stage. Countless times he had tried to flirt with her, mentioning how he had seen her around only for her to respond him a mere ‘i go to school here.’ He had tried to fight that, insisting that yeah school was school, but constantly seeing her at his shows had to mean something.

Apparently, it meant she like music and nothing more.

Roger would never pester a girl. No was no, that much he understood. The very idea of forcing anything on a girl, even his company, would be enough for his mum to come and thump him. Still. She intrigued him. It wasn’t every day a girl would come along, give him one look, and then just keep walking. Roger didn’t like a brag (that's a lie, he loved it, he lived for it) but he happened to be quite popular with the ladies around campus, so it has someone shut him down so easily…well, it had him coming back for more.

Not that he believed she was playing hard to get. Roger could tell when a woman was trying to make him work for her. It didn’t happen often, but it was the little things she did here and there as if it would enchant him into wanting to be with her.

She wasn’t like that. She liked the music and maybe in an odd way, she even liked him, but Roger quickly found he was nothing but a game to her. Someone nice to look at, but never someone to truly play with. There were plenty of other things he could do on a Saturday night, why spend it sitting around thinking about some shop girl? Roger never let it bother him.

At least not until Freddie showed up.

Freddie was so much like Roger. He was bold and brass. He knew the talent he possessed and wasn’t scared to show it. Once Tim was out, Freddie was in and John came along shortly after. They went from this little group that played pubs and uni gigs to working on a real bloody album.

And with Freddie came Mary.

They never talked about it. Sometimes Roger wondered if Mary even remembered him. It wasn’t like Smile was very forgettable but they also weren’t the only band that the school had to offer.

Maybe it just wasn’t worth bringing up. The last thing Roger needed was for Freddie to know he had to hots for Mary. He probably wouldn’t even take it seriously. Nobody ever took Roger or his relationships serious. Not even Roger.

Sometimes, in the darkness, Roger found himself wondering why. Why him? What was it about Freddie that caught Mary’s attention. Roger was, rather bluntly, everything a woman in their era could want. He was gorgeous and talented. Clever and bright. Someone to bring home to mum and dad.

Alright, maybe the last part was a stretch, but it was true in some sense.

They were a good looking group of lads, everyone could agree on that. There were some differences though. Roger and Brian were conventionally handsome. They had the hair and the style. Jawlines and perfect teeth. They had their college degrees (mostly). They had household names. They were boyish yet sexy. Every woman’s dream.

Freddie and John weren’t exactly ugly but sometimes it just made sense why some women would throw themselves at the drummer and lead guitarist. They had their fans, of course. There were always women out there so sought off the less than perfect looking person.

It wasn’t a judgment call, not in the least, just facts. Who would they be without their talents, of course? A dentist? A designer? An astrophysicist? And whatever John wanted to do.

Electrical engineering.

Mary loved the way Freddie looked. She was partially his inspiration for some of his chosen outfits. She would help him with his makeup and his flair.

Mary came with them nearly everywhere, not that any of the members minded. For a while, it seemed as though she and Freddie were tied at the hip. Roger wasn’t lying when he said she had the face worth writing a song about.

Love of My Life was a hit. How could it not be?

A beautiful song was written about a beautiful woman.

Mary was more than beautiful, however. And Roger, well he learned that the hard way. There would be nights when they would be talking. Wasn’t like they ignored each other or anything like that. They were friends, so to speak. Roger had never been friends with a woman before. He had lady friends he would bring on tour with him or other women he’d pick up while on tour, but never an actual female friend that he talked to about things that didn’t regard the music.

Mary was smart. Incredibly so. She also had her own special touch for design. Roger wondered if that was one of the things Mary and Freddie were in one another. Their eye for fashion.

Roger liked to believe he was a snappy dresser. Sometimes Deacy would call him out for something he’d wear, or Brian or even Freddie. Mary was always there to comment on it. Make sense of his choice and show the others that Freddie wasn’t the only icon in the group.

Sometimes she’d even join in on the teasing. Ever since he wrote I’m In Love With My Car, he had been utter shit on by the band. He wasn’t proud of how he reacted when it first went down, but he liked to believe they grew up since then. He accepted the teasing as it came, but when Mary did it, it felt different. There was no cruelty in her tone. No common reminder that he locked himself in a bloody cupboard over which side it was on. Just fun teasing.

Mary was also funny, and clever and kind. She was an amazing person and sometimes Roger wondered if Freddie forgot all about that.

Sometimes he would stop by her shop just to chat. He would make up a line about having to come up with an outfit for something. Queen was getting so big that a thing wasn’t even really a lie. He’d wear the outfit she chose to a party or interview or even on stage. She would make him laugh and they’d tell jokes. It was fun. He liked it.

He liked her, but that was a different story.

There would be times when they were alone. Gone were the quips and the comments. Flirting with Mary would be a sin now as she belonged with Freddie. Every single time she’d enter a room, the ring would flash as a blinding reminder who she chose.

As if he was ever really a choice.

Mary would corner him and question him about their tour. If Freddie was having fun. Like a child on holiday. Or if he was happy. Could he be faking the smiles and cheers? It seemed Mary believed so. Sometimes, when it was dark and no one was around, she would ask him if he ever met someone on tour.

Roger wasn’t perfect. He had cheated on girls before. Even Brian wasn’t blameless when it came to courting multiple women. They were romantics in a romantic sense, but at the end of the day, they were still men with needs.

Not everybody could be Deacy, stick with one person and be happy with it.

Roger didn’t have an answer for her. Never had he seen Freddie out and about with a fan. He didn’t have the time for such things. He was always business. Sometimes he’d be a real shit, but at the end of the day, this was his life and he wasn’t going to mess it up for something stupid like an affair. At least not publicly.

Paul, the little prick, existed, but even Roger couldn’t say for sure if the two were doing anything behind closed doors.

So Roger did what any best friend and family member would do and reassured Mary what Freddie loved her. It wasn’t a lie and never would be.

There was a glimmer in Mary’s eyes when he said it. A shimmer of truth that she knew was real even if it didn’t answer her question.

Seeing her in pain utterly destroyed the drummer and for a short moment, Roger Taylor hated his best friend and cursed the name, Freddie Mercury. The man who thought he was a legend and was untouchable. The man who was so careless about everybody else feelings but his own.

They were bitter thoughts and Roger felt terrible for feeling them, but it was all the same in the end.

Eventually, the truth had to come out, however. Freddie, well he couldn’t stay hiding forever. He had to be true to himself, and to the band, and to his fans, and to Mary. His life and his career depended on it.

The engagement was off and while Mary still wore the ring, she stopped coming around. Roger still saw her from time to time. She lived next door to Freddie after all.

Sometimes Roger would pop over to see how she was doing. Freddie was having one of his moments and while Brian and Deacy always knew how to handle it, Roger learned sometimes it was better to bow out and let him have his way.

They would talk about life and how they were each doing. She was going on dates and Roger was happy for her. He was married by this point and honest and true, he did love Dominique. Was he loyal to her? No, but Roger wasn’t loyal to himself. Only to the band.

His one true love, apparently.

She took interest in his son, his pride and joy. To Rufus, she was Aunt Mary. Maybe someday when he gets older, Roger would tell him how in the darkness of nights, he would think about her and how there could have been the slimmest of chances that she would have been his mum.

It was ridiculous and he knew that, but it was still thought all the same. She found a new guy named David. He was a bit boring and he didn’t dress well at all. Freddie hated talking about it and so did Roger. They both thought she deserved better.

Roger and Freddie thought Mary deserved the whole fucking world twice over but neither of them was any good at giving it to her.

Eventually, life caught up with them and it wasn’t very pretty. Fights were had and for a short while, friendships were lost. When Freddie went out on his own and Paul refused to let him answer the bloody phone, Mary got desperate.

She called Roger, begging him to seek Freddie out, but he refused.

Maybe he was bitter over losing the only family he truly loved?

Maybe he was bitter over Freddie winning the only women he could never have?

Part of Roger begged for him to snap. To snap and tell Mary everything he has always longed to tell her. How beautiful she was to him when she would sit on the edge of the stage and watch them perform. How funny she was, making him laugh so effortlessly. How her voice was one of the most beautiful sounds and no song would ever be worthy of her.

No amount of words in the English language could ever fully capture how much his heart truly felt for her.

And how Freddie fucking Mercury never deserved her and never would.

But he didn’t snap. Instead, Roger said Freddie could fuck off with the wind and she took care of things on his own.

They forgave each other, as expected.

Freddie came back and the band got back together. Roger understood over time why Freddie did what he did. Why he had to get away.

When Freddie told them what he was dealing with, Roger did cry. Alone in his room, angry tears slipped down his face. He was angry and ashamed for feeling the way he did, though it made no difference that the feelings were true.

When they performed at Live Aid together, they did it as a family. As a unit.

And when Mary was off to the side. Blushing and bashful and happy, with her slowly swelling belly and her lover by her side, Roger was happy.

Not for him, but for her.

Mary Austin was the women Roger would never have, the women who always had men make excuses for her. And here she was, with her love and her growing babe, watching the man who would always be the love of her life.

Maybe it was a sad sight, but Roger didn’t want to think so.

And when their eyes locked on the stage and Mary was smiling at him, for a small moment, Roger believed that the love Mary shared wasn’t just for Freddie and wasn’t just for friendship, but for him as well.

It was a passing thought, but it made him happy none the less.

Regardless, they’d always have their music. They’d always have their fans.

And Roger Taylor would always have Queen.

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englishflagcumrag · 5 years ago

Note

for the fanfic ask: even numbers betch

2. What’s your most recent fic and how far do you think you’ve come?

Probably my as yet unpublished hetabang fic. It still needs work but I have a pretty good idea of the story now.

4. In your opinion and without looking at any numbers, what’s your most popular fic?

Probably Partially A Ghost or Pretend, they’re the ones I get the most comments on.

6. Is there any fic that makes you super embarrassed to reread and remember you wrote that?

I take solace in the fact that I was like 13 and this was 100% a joke fic but in hetalia’s heyday i wrote iceland/mr puffin fic in which it was heavily implied that he fucking put the bird’s entire head in his mouth. I’m never visiting my old Wattpad again in my life.

8. What’s the oldest (longest since last update) fic you most want to continue (unfinished or no)?

It’s a tossup between No Need To Be Brave and Shoot You Down. I think I’ll be able to get back on NNTBB as soon as I either rewatch Ackley or season 4 comes out, and it’s short so once I get that back it’ll be like a month and then it’s done, but SYD has a really good ending I’m excited to write even if I haven’t quite ironed out the middle.

10. Have you ever written for a fandom without reading other fanfic for it?

I don’t read fic very heavily, but I’ve only really written for aph and ackley, both of which I’ve read a few fics for. I definitely could since I don’t really use it as research or anything, I just haven’t.

12. Have you ever written a fic and decided never to publish it? Why?

There’s a few that are niche even for me, like my loveparent drabbles, so I just send them to you and Surya since I know nobody else is really that bothered? Not in a salty way, it’s just Our Thing.

14. What’s the biggest change in your taste between when you started in fandom and today?

Death of the source material.

16. Have you ever stopped writing a fic/for a fandom because it wasn’t receiving enough attention?

Not really. I sort of don’t care who reads things as long as my friends do.

18. What’s your most underrated fic?

Something That Lasts probably? I spent a lot of time at it when I made it.

20. Have/Would you ever rewrite a fic? If yes, would you take the original down?

Probably not.

22. Has there ever been anyone who’s made you freak out because they read your work and followed/favorited/reviewed?

No big-name fans when the fandom is you and your two friends. Also no big-name fans when the fandom is barely there.

24. What’s the meanest review you’ve ever gotten? Do you think the reviewer intended it?

I don’t think I’ve ever got any mean reviews? However, I screenshat my nicest one without realising that was an odd-numbered question so

This was on Something That Lasts and I still smile when I read it, thank you @kanadka

26. What aspect of your writing do you most enjoy to see praised?

Character I guess? I put a lot of thought into character and I like to know when it shows.

28. if you could only ever write for a single crossover or a single fandom again, which would you pick?

I already write almost exclusively hetalia. It’s a cringe and fail existence but I will take it.

30. Do you continue to write for a fandom after you’ve moved on or do you focus solely on the new one?

I’ve only written for ackley and hetalia like I said, and I haven’t moved on from either of them, but I also haven’t updated or worked on No Need To Be Brave since the last season ended and the hype sorta died down. I think I would stop writing if I moved on, though. I write more because I enjoy it than anything else and I wouldn’t write something if I didn’t like writing it.

32. Who’s the one character who shines without you even trying?

Eduard for sure, I think I know his character well enough that he sort of writes himself by now.

34. Was there any fic that you wrote that really surprised you in the fandom reaction? Was it just by the numbers or did they take it an entirely different way?

Not really.

36. Have you ever sincerely written a ship you do not support into a fic?

No. I’ve definitely written ships in the past that I now no longer like, but I write what I want to write.

38. Have you ever purposefully written something you know your readers would find uncomfortable/would not enjoy? If yes, why?

See question 6.

40. Do you feel like you put out enough content?

I update when I update.

42. How many views has your most popular fic gotten?

Partially A Ghost has 747.

44. Do you follow/favorite/kudos/comment/review more stories than you have received?

I don’t read much, but I do try to comment when I can think of something to say.

46. Do you consider yourself a diverse author?

In terms of character? Yeah, I try to include whoever I can. In terms of genre? I feel like I stick too heavily to real-world settings when I would genuinely like to do wilder high-fantasy shit at some point.

48. Does anyone you know from outside of fandom know you write fanfic? Are they involved in the same fandom too?

Yeah, a lot of people. Generally, though, there isn’t a lot of overlap.

50. Has writing fanfic had a significant impact on your life? Would you say it’s entirely positive?

It’s definitely made me a better writer. I wouldn’t be on the uni course I’m on now if I hadn’t started writing fanfic.

#strudelmugel

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artificialqueens · 8 years ago

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Finally Found you - LaLiebre

Note: Hey! So I’ve had this plan for a long time and I finally found the time to do it. And I hope that people will read this/like this, since I will need input throughout. I’ve been wanting to write an interactive fic. Kind of like “choose your own adventure” but not with the thousand different stories you can read at once. The story will revolve around Adore Delano/Danny Noriega and ‘You’ - The reader, I’m sorry to inform you though that throughout the story you ‘will be’ a cis gay male. After a million ideas for settings I decided it was most fun to keep it in this realm, so that it is basically kind of realist. Yep, ‘You’ in the story will be a drag race fan.

You smile softly at the boy underneath you while your hand strokes through his chestnut brown hair. Your teeth set themselves into your bottom lip while you pull slightly. He looks up at you, a big grin plays on his lips while his hands travel downwards over your back to your cladded ass. You give a soft moan in approval and keep your eyes locked on his. You grind into him and put your forehead against his. One of his hands comes up and his thumb softly strokes your cheek. He opens his mouth, but instead of words he makes a loud annoying noise.

You roll over in your bed and groan. “For fuck sake!” You take your phone from the nightstand and stare at the screen. Your eyes are still filled with sleep and everything is foggy. Part of you is raging with anger because someone dared to wake you from your well deserved hours of sleep, but you wonder who in earth would call at this time. Curious, you press the green horn and put the phone against your ear. “Hello?” The tiredness is highly present in your hoarse voice. “Oh god, I have such good news…” The overly excited voice makes you want to throw the phone against the wall opposite of your bed. You groan. “Rachel, you better have a damn good reason to be waking me up.” It’s silent for a while on the other side of the line before you can hear your friend sigh. “If you would’ve let me finish, ass.” You roll your eyes but keep your mouth shut. “So as I was saying before you started whining about me pulling you out of what probably was a sex dream about a certain someone, I got us the tickets.” You pinch the bridge of your nose and narrow your eyes together. “What tickets?” You can tell that Rachel is getting annoyed with your ‘not-awake’-state. “The Meet and Greet tickets.” “What?..” Rachel wants to scream but before she can you jump right up. “Wait you did? How, didn’t we need the promo code from the Bob-show?” Rachel laughs. “Yes, I got tickets to that show just for this code. However I made a mistake and accidentally bought 4 VIP tickets for him as well but they are fixing that problem.” Part of you feels like such a little fangirl but you are also happy to have idiotic friends that will do the extra mile. “So happy belated birthday.” You laugh. “Why thank you miss!” “Told you my gift would be good.” You roll your eyes. “By the way, you do owe me 20 pounds for the Bob Tickets, okay thanks!” You hear the click as a sign that she quickly hung up. You want to be mad but you really can’t. Being up already made you decide to just continue life. You check your phone for any other updates and are especially checking your twitter. You stare at the message that comes up. “@DannyNoriega has posted a new tweet”. You press on it and stare at the newly uploaded photo. You can’t suppress a soft ‘damn’ when you stare at the partial-nude. You let yourself fall back into the bed and stare at the ceiling. You hold your phone above your head and start typing. “I swear someday he will be the death of me”. You quickly get some likes from two of your friends who clearly know what you’re on about. And one of an ‘acquaintance’ who merely replies with ‘who?’. You smile at the new notification. “@badgirlRaRa surprised my best with tickets for Adore, all he could reply was ‘why are you waking me up’”. You roll your eyes and get out of bed. After a long morning routine you are on your way to Uni. You open your phone and check your messages, the group-chat has been blowing up about the Adore show which will be a trip. That evening you decide to plan everything out but it has left you with a few options you need to decide on.

Apparently, Rachel has gotten her hand on another VIP ticket for Adore, because of the inconvenience with the Bob tickets. She asks you who you should take with you? -Your best friend, Elliot. A feminine slim twink, who has the attitude of a sassy girl. He does not only look like a model, he also thinks he should be one. You two have known each other forever and are as close as brothers. He is super into DragRace and drag itself, he however doesn’t care too much about Adore. -Your friend Ashlee. She is basically crazy and a drunk. She probably doesn’t care about Adore, but at least you know you’ll have an amazing time out during the rest of your stay. -Your “friend” and superfan Marissa, you actually can’t stand her and most of her opinions but she does love dragqueens. And with love, I mean she would die if she doesn’t breath in the air around them at least once a week. -Might as well just sell them and spend the money on alcohol or other exciting things.

Next to a possibly 3rd person you have to choose where you’re going to stay during your trip. Since you don’t live in London where the show is going to be, you will have to find place to sleep.

-Fuck it, I can go all night and catch the morning buss or maybe even continue the rest of the day. Sleep is for the weak. -I will spend a big part of my budget on a nice comfy hotel room near the venue. -I found these cheap cute cabins that aren’t too far from the venue might as well stay there.

#adore delano #adore x reader #interactive #laliebre #rpdr fanfiction #submission #x reader #finally found you

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biancagarciacruz-blog · 8 years ago

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OKAY. So, How in The World Did I Meet Martin Garrix in Taipei???

I’m not saying I’m a stalker, but I’m kind of a stalker.

Before I go ahead and tell you the story of how I met the love of my life (don’t fight with me on this), I’m gonna give you an idea of much of a psychotic fan I am. So, here’s a little trip down memory lane.

THE LOVE STORY

****WARNING! You are about to witness some borderline psychotic shit!

2013

It all started when I was just a freshman in college. One night, I was doing what college freshmen do best, getting wasted AF. It was on a Thursday night, and we had a thing we called “Happy Thursday”. It was when all the students from the the colleges and universities nearby hit the bars literally right beside one uni to challenge the legal alcohol limit simply because there weren’t any classes the next day. Aaahh, education.

Anyways, in that one particular night, I just remember being really, really drunk and everyone around me just passed the fuck out. It was only around 23:00 and the party was basically over. Mind you, I wasn’t one of those responsible types who’d go home when they knew they’ve had too much. I’m was more of a “let’s rob a Jollibee!” kind of chick. Not proud, but damn it, it’s the truth. So, I grabbed my school bag, got a taxi, and headed to the then clubbing strip of Manila.

When I got off the taxi, the first thing I noticed was a really long line at this one club called Privé. I went on over there to check what all the fuss was about. I bumped into some people I knew who let me know that Martin Garrix was going to spin. And I was like, “Martin who??”. And they said, “Si ano, si Animals (his track that blew up and really put him on the scene)”. We all know that that track is **sick **and they also let me know that he’s really cute, and that was enough to get myself to pay a PHP 1,000 entrance fee to watch the show. So, i get my drunk ass in the club, squeezed my way to the very front (which I wouldn’t have had the courage to do if I wasn’t so intoxicated), and waited for the show to start.

Just moments later, they dimmed the lights and it was showtime. The lazer lights went wild and the crowd roared. I kept it cool because i was just trying to see if this guy was really cute. I looked up and saw a guy and said to myself that “hmmm, yeah, he’s pretty cute”. But theeen, I took one step back and realized that I was just too short to see the DJ and I was just looking at one of the members of his crew. So, when I finally saw him, I was like, “DAAAMN, Papiiii! HE REAL CUTE!”. It was fangirl at first sight. I remember thinking to myself that if Narnia has a Prince slash DJ, he would definitely look like him. I basically spent the whole show on my toes and my arms extended towards him so that he would touch my hand. Which he did, by the way! Thrice on my right hand and once on my left!!! #achievementunlocked #neverforget

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, pathetic!

After his set, I went over to the entrance of the DJ booth to say hi. I shouted “Hi, Martijn!!!”. He just awkwardly smiled and waved at me. He was probably thinking “who the fuck is this ugly chick with orange hair in house clothes???”. I am 99.8% positive his thoughts were somewhere along those lines. No regrets!

2014

The following year, he had a much bigger show in Manila’s #1 club. I was lucky enough to get a free ticket and to be listed under the cocktail table at the very front and right in the middle. And of course, in true fangirl fashion, I was prepared with a sign.

It was around December and I wanted my Christmas present early *wink wink*. I pretty much spent the whole time with my sign up trying to get him to notice me, even after he’s already noticed me. He made a cutesy little heart symbol with his hands and pointed towards me. I had a mini heart attack and started annoying my friend Pam with the classic “DID YOU SEE THAT??? DID YOU SEE THAT!?!?”. And she was just like, “Yaaaas girl, he noticed you. No one can deny.” (More like, Okaaay, B. You can shut the fuck up now). He pointed towards me once or twice more for the rest of the show and that was definitely enough to end my year right! #hoehoehoe #merrychristmas

2015

****This is where it gets a liiiittle psychotic**

The game plan was clear. Stay sober, look cute, prepare a sign, and fight my way to the very front once his set was about to begin. And it was exactly what I did.

Once I reached the front, some really tall French guy, probably a guardian angel sent by the fangirl gods, randomly asked me if I would like to be carried by him on his shoulders once Martijn came out. He probably felt bad for my lack of length and inability to be seen by the #1 DJ in the World no matter how long I put my sign up. Being five foot nothing, it was an offer I couldn’t refuse. So, once they hit the music and hit the lights, I climbed my way up to the Eiffel Tower and there was my baby!

Martijn’s birthday was just a day or two prior to the show, so I couldn’t miss my chance to greet him. It didn’t take him long at al for him to notice me and my sign. He put his his hands on his lips and sent a kiss my way! And he even mentioned the birthday greeting on his Instagram!!! #achievementunlocked #telleveryone

If you ask everyone I know how I told them how the concert went for me, it would be everything stated above. Buuuut, there’s a little more to the story. What you’re about to learn next is only know by a handful of my favorite people.

Martijn’s set was coming to an end and the inner fanatic beast in me came alive. Like, really, really alive. As he played his last song, a crazy idea just popped in my head like ~LIGHTBULB~! I thought to myself, “So, if I pretend to faint now, the bouncers will carry me over the barrier and I will have the most fantastic view of my bebeluv”. Yeah, don’t really know where the fuck that came from either.

So, pretty much like everything else I do, without giving it much thought, if not at all, I just did it. I then grabbed my friend’s shoulder for her to look at me and I dramatically pretended to faint just like Snow White did when she took a bite of that poison apple. I’m quite an amazing actress, actually. Which pretty much explains why I spent half of my high school life in the clinic and why I always happened to have my period every week when we had swimming for gym class. What I’m trying to say is, they believed that shit.

With my eyes partially closed and my head going “What the fuck are you doing?”, my friends were in a HUUUGE panic. All i heard was them shouting at the top of their lungs “KUYA!!! KUYA!!!”, trying to get the attention of the bouncers for help. I swear to god, I was trying so hard not to laugh my fucking brains out.

Soon enough, the bouncers came and just like I planned it, they carried me over the barrier and right into the middle section of the two VIP crowds where only photographers and bouncers were allowed. Then there were fireworks, explosions, and confetti everywhere and I had the most perfect view of my baby basking in his glory. And I just thought to myself, “Great job, crazy bitch”.

And in a fraction of a second, the music was gone and the lights went off and the show was over. I then realized that i was supposed to be unconscious and my show isn’t over yet! *Snow White takes second bite off the apple*. There were a couple of bouncers around me at this point and they were all trying to move the barrier for me. Once moved, one bouncer carried me princess style (because how else are you supposed to carry a princess?) and rushed through the big crowd to bring me to the first aid booth. While going through the crowd, I can hear random people shout “Bianca?!?! Is that Bianca?!?!” “BIANCA!!!”. And again, I was just trying so hard not to laugh. The rest is history.

2016

Music Festival was cancelled a month prior to the show due to “the changes in political climate”. In other words, Thanks a lot, Duterte!

2017. The Meeting.

Here we go, here we go! About a month prior to my Taiwan trip, my friend, Keich, found out that Martijn was going to be in Taipei the same time as us. Coincidence?!? NAAAAAAAH.

On the first day that Keich and I spent together, we went to a handful of places far away from the city. By 18:00, we were extremely exhausted and didn’t have the energy to do anything but chill at our hostel’s lounge. While scrolling through Instagram, I came across a selfie that Martijn posted with a bunch of fans welcoming him to Taiwan in the comment section. FAN GIRL MODE: ON. I jumped off the couch and said, “KEICH. MARTIN GARRIX IS HERE. LET’S GO!”. She stood up right away because she knew I would do the same for her if we were in the same city as Kygo.

I messaged every fan who was welcoming him to Taiwan and I sent every single one of them a message asking if they might happen to know what hotel he was staying at. Most of them did not know but a lot of them just guessed for me. Keich and I rushed to the MRT station feeling more alive than ever, as if we didn’t have such a long day. We then rushed to the W Hotel where a few people suggested me to have a look since a lot of celebrities stayed there. We got in the lobby and waited a bit. THANK THE HEAVENS they had free wi-fi because I then received this message from yet another guardian angel from the fangirl gods on Instagram:

“KEICH! LET’S GO!!!!!!!!” We rushed over to the Gran Hyatt, which was just a few meters from Taipei 101. We had absolutely no idea where he was or if we were even going to see him. We were just thinking that if it’s dinner time right now, he would probably go out right after to see more of the city. Orrr, if he was having dinner outside the hotel, then of course at one point he’d have to go back to his room.

So, we waited for HOURS. By the third hour, we noticed different DJ’s walk in one by one with wristbands from the music festival. My heart was beating faster and faster. The next thing we knew was that the hotel lobby was empty and it was already past midnight. A young boy and his mom sat at the same sitting area as us and then I heard the words “Martin Garrix” in their conversation. I asked them if they were waiting for someone because I was guessing that we were all waiting for the same person. Damn, these two were so freakin’ cool. The kid is fourteen years old and is #ballin, selling Yeezy’s online. And his mom.. Well, his mom is waiting with him at midnight to have a photo with his favorite DJ. Ummmmm, can anyone say MOM GOALS!?!

Since we were all having such a great conversation, my eyes weren’t pinned at the entrance of the hotel anymore. I glanced behind me for a second AND HOMYGAAAHAAD I CANNAAAT WITH YOUUU!!!!! IT’S FUCKING MARTIN FUCKING GARRIX IN THE FUCKING HOTEL LOBBY ASDFGHJKL;’SFHDKFHD3487fgwbfd!!!!!!!**

I wasted NO TIME. In a blink of an eye, I found myself rushing towards him and saying “Martijn! I’m your biggest fan from the Philippines!”. One of his bodyguards was very quick to stop me and he blocked me with his arm. Martijn then blocked his bodyguard with his arm and said “No, it’s okay.” (HOMAGAAAAAHD!!!)

He looks over at me and says, “Really? Give me a hug!”. And then we hugged. (HOMAAAHGAAAAHD!!!!)

See, I really wish that I could all tell you how the whole meeting played out, but I just DON’T REMEMBER SHIT after that hug. I don’t remember Keich having a photo with him. I don’t remember the teenage boy having a photo with him. I don’t remember saying goodbye. And I don’t even remember leaving the hotel. SHIT WAS INSANE.

According to Keich, he hugged me four times and gave me a kiss on the cheek. The kiss, I kind of do remember it happening. I remember it like getting punched in the face right after I just blacked out by getting punched in the face. And I am soooo lucky for having such a supportive friend who remembered to take a video of me towards the end of our meeting!!! Check it out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5vFlByvrMI

(HAHAHAHAHAHA I’m too new for this shit to embed a video, so here’s the link, mofos!)

So, they didn’t allow to give him a pretend kiss on the cheek, so, HE GAVE ME A REAL ONE INSTEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Martijn was much taller than I thought he would be and he is sooooooo much more good looking in person. It was literally a dream come true and was probably one of the best birthday gifts given to me by the universe! THANK YOU, UNIVERSE!!!!!

AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVERY AFTER. THE END.

Or is it? ;)

#martingarrix #martin garrix #edm #dj #taipei #taipals #fangirl

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