#part of the phone thing would probably because of my years working customer service

[free-boundsoul]

Ea spoilers

Gods the way I wanted the listener to hang up the phone a second time just to see what would happen...like I'm just better at dealing with people in front of me than on the phone

But I'd also like to see just how far I can push the creepy stalker that's been keeping an eye on me for a year, y'know?

And how he says 'sweetie' he can't be all bad

[thesummerpetrichor]

𝓖𝓸𝓭’𝓼 𝓰𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓪 𝓬𝓾𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸𝔀𝓷

Dark!Javier Peña x afab!fem!reader

Summary: What you assumed would be a routine sale to a regular customer turns into a drug deal gone wrong when you realise it's not her, but her uncle, that has showed up to bury the hatchet

Warnings: 18+ only minors DNI you will be blocked. DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT DDDNE, NONCON/R*PE, mentions of DEA, age gap [reader is in her early 20s Javi is in his 40s], reader sells drugs, reader wears a skirt, rough sex, semi public sex, knife and threats with blades, reader is actively experiencing Stockholm syndrome, degradation, dumbification, humiliation, victim blaming and punishment [he is teaching her a lesson], size difference [Javi is bigger than reader and can lift her], using panties as a gag, crying, very mean!Javi, domineering!Javi, slight praise, petnames, choking, creampie, unprotected P in V [don't do it!!] this is much darker than my other work. I may not have included something that could potentially trigger you, so please proceed with caution. I am not responsible for your media consumption.

Word count: 3.8k

A/N: Surprise dark Javi Peña for you lovelies. Please heed the warnings, this may not be for you, it gets pretty dark. If it isn't, scroll past. You are responsible for your own media consumption. Big thanks to @toxicanonymity for brainstorming with me about this like a year ago (when it was meant to be about Joel) lmao! I finally finished it!! Anyway, I hope you enjoy!! Mwah!!

Masterlist

You can run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Go tell that long tongue liar

Go and tell that midnight rider

Tell the rambler, the gambler, the back biter

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

Tell 'em that God's gonna cut 'em down

What you did was a little side job, a way to make a quick buck after long school hours had tired you out beyond measure. Frankly, that was all you had to say about it. 

Business in the wealthy part of town was far from rough- kids in picket fence houses were your prime demographic, after all. They had the time, and they sure as hell had the money. If you weren’t going to supply it, someone else would. Of course, if their parents got a whiff of how their children scrambled to you like a pack of dogs you wouldn’t hear the last of it. 

It's not like anyone would have suspected anything to begin with– not from the neighbourhood’s golden child. But you had to thank your parents for that reputation. No one would expect something like that from a sweet thing like Sarah either- which is why you were surprised when she rang you up on your second phone shortly after her 18th birthday. 

It had been a couple of months since she’d been coming to you– before parties and such. You didn't ask many questions. She was only a senior, but who were you to play moral policeman? You were barely two years ahead. 

Besides, she wasn’t really a resident of your neighbourhood– just came to hang at her uncle’s every weekend. 

It probably felt a lot more dirty considering you knew him quite well. Well, knew was a strong word. Your parents were acquaintances and he’d helped fix the fence of your house a few years prior. You’d see him every now and then and even tried the batch of cookies Sarah had roped him into baking and sent over. 

He’d often see you around and ask about college and the like. He had quite a good impression of you and you just couldn’t stomach telling him you sold his niece drugs on the weekend. Especially because, when he wasn’t getting roped into baking cookies, in his day to day life, Javi P was your neighbourhood’s most beloved narc. 

You wondered how Sarah didn't let the fact that her uncle was the head of the DEA and its most notorious, cartel busting agent, deter her from calling upon your services. You couldn't deny, you felt quite bad. You usually wouldn't. His job be damned, something felt a little dirty about lying to a sweet, kind man like Javier. 

But that was not your problem. 

Everytime Sara showed up no qualms- with the money, and her backpack, in the exact location you instructed her to. 

Spring came and went. So did summer. And before you knew it she had become a regular. 

Which is why you weren’t irked at all when on a drizzly autumn Friday Sara had asked to meet you around 5pm in your usual spot– near the fence behind the Willson’s orchids– in between those brutalist brick sheds you’d sneak off to with boys you liked. 

She was punctual, in fact she was always there a good ten minutes before you showed up just to be sure– which is why you continued forward when you caught a shadow and a rustle of the leaves emerge from the shed’s side. 

You brushed a stay raindrop from the side of your cheek as you looked up at the grey, drab sky. Thank god for the leaves– they painted the brown of the path and all that stood in your way fiery reds, yellows and oranges. 

As you approached you heard the wet ground crinkle under your feet– the leaves and the mud swallowing your shoes with every step forward. You felt them stick to the soles, and you made a mental note to leave Sarah as quickly as possible as to not be late to family dinner. There was no way you could walk fast- or even briskly, considering the state of the ground. 

When you neared the shed and rounded the corner however, you noticed Sarah's shadow seemed to have caught the light a different way– looking a lot taller, a lot more elongated under the last of the autumn sun before the clouds completely eclipsed it. 

She looked a lot taller, a lot more imposing, with broader shoulders and a cut jaw, with short, curly, dishevelled hair. A crack of thunder sounded in the distance. At a moment you knew that shadow, and you scrambled back on your feet to get up and out the Wilson’s orchid. 

But the mud in the ground was damp from the rain, and your shoes were stuck to it like toffee, and before you could realise it was pouring rain. You stumbled on the garden rake that had been leant against the shed. 

A voice called your name from behind it.  

You might as well have thrown up seeing simple, warm eyed, cookie baking Javier Peña leaning up against the wall instead of his niece – looking neither simple nor warm eyed, and sporting the scent of a hard day’s work out on the field rather than the scent of baked goods. 

You desperately tried to suppress the lump in your throat as he came into full view. His white button up shirt was damp from the water the trees had been steadily dripping onto it, his hair dishevelled, curls haphazardly sticking to his forehead. Another crack of thunder sounded, closer this time, and you felt your sweater become all the more wet every passing second. 

For a moment you contemplated playing coy, but you knew that he knew exactly what you were doing there. If he had a problem with his niece ’s purchasing habits he ought to take it up with her, you were merely supplying a demand. And that was exactly what you told him– albeit a lot less courageously than you would have liked. You could barely recognise your own voice- monotonous and flat, but importantly shaky and scared. 

And he noticed. 

He scoffed, shaking his head and giving you a slow once over– in your tattered socks and sneakers. “Disturbing the peace of this neighbourhood, corrupting the kids with your behaviour. You’re ruining it.” 

“I-” a leaf drifted through the wind and landed on your wet hand, cutting you off as you squeaked, dusting it off yourself. 

He stepped to the side, then took another menacing step in front of you. By the time he’d met you chest to chest you were backed up against the wall without realising it– unable to escape, trapped. He smiled at you- tight, and sickly sweet. He reached for the damp hem of your skirt. You felt your skin crawl under his touch. 

“Goddamn. To think I thought ya were a good one” he shook his head, a humourless laugh ringing in your ears. “Should’ve known…” You shivered when he lifted his hand to your cheek, stroking your face with his thumb and a false sense of gentleness. 

“Those whorey little skirts- tight lil tops” the lump in your throat grew as he continued, mind blank and racing simultaneously. It was nothing short of appalling. His words were harsh and cruel. His hands dropped to the waistband of your skirt, fingers slipping in to curl it. He didn't care that you recoiled at the touch, and attempted to shake off his prying gestures. He laughed again. “‘S the only way remembered ya played tennis” 

You swallowed the lump in your throat, watching horrified as he grabbed your shoulders and shoved you backwards. Your back hit the shed once again, more violently than the time before thanks to his push, his voice had picked up that aggressive tone that had simmered down since he first started talking once again, and you felt your heart jump at the change. 

“Y’a poor dad thought I was so invested in your lil family…”  his fingers traced lazy patterns on your skin, toying with your sweater to expose your soft flesh to the harsh cold of the autumn rain. Each swipe of them leaving a trail of fire behind. 

You didn't dare meet his eyes, nauseous at the very thought. You caught a bolt of lightning strike behind his back, the grey sky complimenting the tone of the entire situation. The fingers that had been drawing shapes on your hip had slid up your chest to find home around the column of your throat, and as they squeezed– gently but threateningly, you felt your legs finally begin to give way under you.  “Shame ya ain’t a good girl huh..” 

“Real fuckin shame.” he shook you lightly, and your hands flew to grip his wrist. Unsurprisingly, your efforts were to no avail. His hand maintained the unrelenting grip on your throat, his eyes trained on yours like a predator. You screwed your own shut, unwilling to meet the fury in his. 

The sound of the swish of a blade barely registered in your head. Before you could look down to catch a glimpse of the utility knife Javi had clicked into place, it was being pressed gently against your jugular. “To think ya had the nerve baby…” 

The blade grazed your skin, a hair away from piercing your skin and slicing it open. “Couldn’t even keep yourself away from the girl with a DEA agent for an uncle?” The tear that streaked its way down your cheek almost burned a hole in your skin. Followed by what seemed like a thousand more, your watery eyes set you a harsh reminder of the mess you’d fallen into. And yet you couldn’t seem to muster up the courage to actually respond to him. 

Javier seemed to like those tears though. “Oh baby, babygirl…” the hand that wasn't holding the blade against your skin came to gently cup your cheek. “Shhh, shhh, my babydoll.” With his thumb Javi wiped the tracks off your face, leaning down and kissing the dampness lightly on each side. The touch of his lips made you wince.  “Don't wanna cause a ruckus..” That sweetness of his voice made you shiver, made your chin wobble. 

“Please, Mr-” 

You yelped, feeling that blade press just a little harder against your neck, then drag itself to lift up the hem of your sweater and move under to shift between your breasts. “I said shut that whore mouth.” There it was, that harsh, cruel tone once again. You felt the blade drag up and down your skin, then hook at the collar of your warm sweater to slice through that cable knit pattern you so loved. 

The sound of the wool fraying and splitting apart rang in your ears, distracting you momentarily as Javi bunched up the fabric of your skirt, grabbing you by the thighs and hoisting you up against the rough wall of the shed. You had no choice but to wrap your legs around his waist to keep yourself stable, and away from the knife that was so close to your throat. 

The rain thundered and came down against you, its sounds drawing out your weeping and whimpering. A sheet of mist and water engulfed the both of you in a horrid blanket of union. You felt Javier’s hard length press against your clothed core and you shivered. Despite it all you felt your panties dampen at the contact. 

He chuckled against your skin, knowingly, mockingly, and slid his fingers between you to rub your now wet cunt through your panties. “Cant even help yourself can you?” you felt the arousal pool in your panties, but shook your head nonetheless. Your eyes rolled back at the feel of his fingertips drawing slow circles on your clit. “Look at that, sluts gettin’ all wet and achy, huh?” 

The thunder and lightning only picked up pace as his calloused fingers pulled your panties aside roughly, fingertips grazing your swollen, sensitive flesh. “Fuck, such a pretty pussy” The elastic of your waistband tugged against your soft skin, rubbing against you– leaving you sore, tender. You were dripping, and the feeling made you turn your head away from Javier in disgust. 

He notched his tip at your drooling entrance and you whined, wiggling your hips to shake off the desire that stirred in your tummy. “Don’t ya worry baby, gonna take care of this tight little snatch.” You shook your head no, and he only responded with a laugh. 

In a sharp, single thrust you felt his throbbing, hard length stretch you open. There was no mercy, no grace period, just a snap of his hips towards yours and his cock parting your insides in that cruel, uncaring manner. “Y’a gonna shut your ass up take what I give to ya because it looks like you’ve got no choice.” 

“Excited for family dinner? Gonna be a lot more fun when you’ve got my cum leaking out of ya.” The length of him stretched you open, no time to adjust with his sharp, quick thrusts. The pain came in sharp just the same way, made you wince and squirm at the burn. 

You had never felt so full, every sensitive spot inside you being nudged just the right way by his cock. He continued to thrust inside your wet heat, fast and deep. A tightness began to build in your tummy. 

His thumb brushed your lip and the urge to part your lips to take it into your mouth for a sense of comfort overtook you. Had you not been as frozen as you were, you would have acted on it. But that thumb pressed itself against your lips, a silent order to hush yourself as Javi’s thrusts became all the more gruelling, faster, harder, harsher. 

“Ya’ might be an adult- but y’a sure as hell act like a dumb little girl” The drag of his cock against your throbbing walls had an unwelcome moan tumbling from your lips–the pleasure more horrifying than the pain. His words had your stomach flip flopping. 

His fingers wrapped firmly around your throat, palm placing enough pressure against your skin to stutter your breathing. “Listen baby, I know words are really fuckin hard… they’re so big, and confusing. Too much for your pretty little head.” He heard you heave a loud, stuttery breath, but left his hand where it was for a few more agonising seconds. “So I had’ta’ tell you a way ya understand” 

You felt the blade that had momentarily lost contact with your flesh drag slowly against your waist and under your skirt. Yet again the sound of fabric ripping rang in your ears, the elastic of your panties snapping against your hips only marginally less painful than the feel of Javier's thick cock splitting you open. When you turned your head to catch Javier’s gaze, his own eyes were inspecting the tattered white cotton that had once had a place on your hips between his fingers. 

“Goddamn. Pretty even underneath it all? Expected something more…” He laughed maliciously, then turned his head like he was searching for the right words. “Slutty…..? whorish?” His relentless thrusts didn’t cease. “But goddamn, like keepin’ it holy dont ya?” His hips snapped towards yours again, and he groaned in pleasure. “You ain't foolin’ me.” 

“No-” you were promptly cut off, face unable to dodge his hand. Javier rolled his eyes, annoyed by how animated you were being– too much for his liking. He forced the fabric into your mouth, and you had no choice to let him.

“Goddamn, that college degree don't count for much huh? That oughta shut you up, bitch.” Soon enough, and to your horror the wetness between your legs began to spread, each movement of his prompting more sounds of pleasure than pain to embarrassingly get muffled against the fabric of your own panties. 

The way his brow furrowed, the vein on the side of his neck bulged from the strain, from how good you felt around him, from the way your pussy was milking his cock, it was all a lot more appealing of a sight than you were willing to acknowledge at the moment. “Fuck, should try whoring out this pussy for some extra cash too.” 

“Next time ya wanna make a buck, walk that pretty little ass down the block” Splinters from the wooden shed wall grazed your skin, poking through the cable knit ever so slightly, an uncomfortable little pinch that palled in comparison to the delicious stretch of his cock splitting you open. 

“Would be nice. Won’t have to drive on down to the whore house.” His cock thrust achingly out of your wet heat, building a tension inside you so strong it set your skin on fire. “Would fuck this pretty little cunt in my bed.” Your hips felt heavy, the spot between your thighs tense, aching with a desperate need to feel a release that had unwillingly been building inside you. 

“Fuck ya till you’re a mess.” He growled in your ear, lips ghosting your skin. “That’d be nice, huh? Might let ya scream that time..” The image of Javier shoving you on his bed and taking care of you flashed in your mind– perhaps a soft, gentle, deep lovemaking that you were horrified to find appealing at the moment. 

At some point the expanse of his chest became a security, his broad, looming shoulders a sickening comfort. “Look at you- fuckin liking it. Tight little snatch squeezin’ my cock.” If perhaps that gentleness had come to you some other way you would’ve died for it, but now you were crooning for it, silently begging for it, for some respite, for a sick sort of comfort that gave you butterflies. 

What you had thought to be the unbelievable, the merciful, law abiding, law enforcing protector of the innocent and the weak, was ripping you apart piece by piece, watching you crumble around his cock, your eyes roll back with that pleasure you couldn’t ignore, your hands reach for him because you pined for the gentleness he had given you a taste off.

Your sweater caught the wood of the shed, you were sure it was full of holes at that point, the knit pattern ruined forever, something to remind you of the way your pussy quivered around his cock. “Look at that… fuck… bein’ a good girl now arent ya? Learning how to behave.” The obscene sound of your wetness, the squelch of his cock pumping in and out your swollen, abused cunt had you cringing, had your heart pounding desperately against your chest. “Never too late to change your ways.. Feels so good you can't help yourself huh? Just wanna cum..” He closed the blade that he had previously had a close grip on and shoved it into his pocket. 

Your mouth loosened around the damp fabric of your panties, pleasure shooting up your spine and making your toes curl. “That's it, learnin’ well now, aren't we?” You felt hot and cold simultaneously– a chill of terror so strong you began to sweat. He pulled your hips against his, chuckling at your desperate squirming in an attempt to put off your release. 

Javier caught your face between his thumb and forefinger, squeezing your cheeks and relishing in the sight of you drooling around your panties. Showing some mercy, he pulled the fabric from between your lips, tossing it onto the dirty ground. “Wonder why a slut like you would even bother with these?” He chuckled in your ear, then pressed a sloppy kiss against your neck. 

His tip brushed that sweet spot inside you, made you tighten your thighs around his waist. “Feel so fucking good.” You felt your chest burn, your pussy bare down on his cock. The tension inside you finally snapped, a ragged moan escaping from your throat and slipping past your lips. You felt yourself gush and quiver around his cock, whole body on fire with the intensity of your release.  

“That's a good girl– fuck” His voice was strained and low, a gravely sound dripping like honey from his lips as he neared his release. The praise made your heart flutter. With a few final, sloppy thrusts Javier’s hips stilled, his cock twitching and throbbing inside you– painting your still fluttering walls with his spend. 

You felt your pussy clench around nothing when he pulled out. 

He pressed his head on the shed wall beside your cheek, catching his breath. The smell of cigarettes off his hair finally registering in your mind– something you were perhaps too preoccupied to notice prior. Another stray tear slid down your cheek, along with an ice cold raindrop that fell from the sky. 

Javier’s hand reached for your face and you flinched. He stroked your face and took it in with his eyes once again. You dared to meet his cold, unwavering gaze– so detached you wondered if he even registered life in anyone else's. Their browns drew you in despite this, and called you to make a home in them. 

He sighed, dropping your thighs from his hold and pressing you against the shed with his body.You felt his spend leak out of you and drip onto your thighs obscenely. Your hands flew to grip his shirt to maintain your balance, but Javier was quick to step back. 

Your knees shook violently as he finally retreated from the side of the shed. The damp soil and crackly leaves clung to your wet thighs as gravity forced you to the dirty ground. Instinctively you pressed your back against the shed, bracing yourself for another one of Agent Peña’s cruel jabs. You caught a glimpse of your white panties– dirty, torn and unusable, discarded on the ground. 

Worse however, you watched him fix his shirt and jeans as you trembled and caught your breath, paying you no mind whatsoever. With his body no longer shielding you from the rain you felt the gentle thud of the raindrops against your cold skin, drenching you even more than before. 

When you sank your fingers into the mud to find your bearings you felt a tickle on the inside of your ring finger. You looked down momentarily to catch a stay earthworm wriggle out from beside your hand and attempt to scurry away. 

You yelped, bringing your hand to your chest, and tucking your knees further into your front– too exhausted to pick yourself up off the ground. 

Javier's soft snicker rang in your ears like a merciless, menacing bell. When you finally looked back at him it felt even more dirty than the first time. His face scrunched in displeasure at the sight of you huddled on the ground, your clothes and overall appearance dishevelled. “Got fuckin lucky today, dirty bitch.” His words made you shiver. 

He stalked over to your hunched form once again, towering over you. His shadow covered your entire body in its shade as the evening sun peaked out from under the clouds, the final drops of the shower cascading down the sloped roof of the shed and onto your damp shoulders. 

“I better not see ya around Sarah again.” 

Well you may throw your rock and hide your hand

Workin' in the dark against your fellow man

But as sure as God made black and white

What's down in the dark will be brought to the light

You can run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

You can run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Run on for a long time

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

Sooner or later God'll cut you down

This one was much on the darker side, but I hope you enjoyed! Thank you to everyone who reblogs and engages with my work- you keep me writing!! 💗🐝

[jake-whatthefisgoingon-kiszka]

Part 3!! I had a good time writing this chapter as well, and it’s another doozy. Hope you enjoy!

Pairings: Jake Kiszka X Danny Wagner ***slash

Warnings and tags: 18+ only please!! Adult themes including: very brief mention of past partner death, very brief mention of marriage problems, some crying, some insecurity, my sad attempt at flirting, very slight suggestive talk, dad Jake AU, uncle Danny

Word count: 5.5k

Mondays were hard for everybody, but this particular Monday seemed to be kicking Jake in the ass.

First he spilled coffee all over his pants so he had to change after already being a little behind on getting up and getting both himself and Luna ready. That made them end up at the back of the line for drop off at the elementary.

He was speeding over to the office after getting her to school. Normally it wouldn’t matter so much if he came in a little late, but someone had the bright idea of scheduling a meeting at nine am on a Monday and he still needed to go over a few things with his team before it started.

They had a big fundraiser coming up soon that he’d spent nearly six months preparing for. One of the local orchestras had offered to put on a concert and donate the ticket sales to the foundation. The event wasn’t going to be too big, but they had managed to secure a guest singer, a couple of soloist, and even a live band to agree to play afterwards while they had drinks and hors d'oeuvres.

Jake was excited about this particular fundraiser because the sales and any extra donations were going to go to giving students private music lessons, a program he’d been working on launching for quite a while now.

Though Jake had been working for the foundation for a few years already, this was the first project he’d put so much of himself into, feeling particularly strongly about the accessibility of musical education for children as a passionate musician with a child himself.

Even after his wife’s passing, Jake’s home was still filled with music to share with his daughter. His record collection specifically ranged anywhere from dusty old vinyls he had inherited from his parents house, to mint condition collectibles and limited editions he probably never would have found without his connections. His prized possessions however, were the first pressings of his and June’s album when it first came out.

The few copies they’d kept for themselves stayed tucked safely away on the corner of the highest shelf where they sat untouched since her passing, Jake still too tender to hear her voice again. Someday though he knew Luna would want to listen to them, and he only prayed he would have himself prepared enough by then.

By the time the meeting was over Jake decided to head back out for an early lunch. With the rush to get out the door this morning he hadn’t packed anything to eat so he decided to treat himself at his favorite restaurant- a spot he didn’t frequent too often since it was in what he considered to be a sketchier part of town.

Since it was just him he didn’t mind making the drive over, at least that was until his dashboard suddenly lit up with about three different warning lights. Of course he would be having car trouble today of all days.

With an annoyed huff Jake pulled over to the side of the road, leaving his car running because he was too scared that if he turned it off now he wouldn’t be able to get it back on. Being a little unfamiliar with his surroundings he pulled out his phone and googled where the nearest service shop was, finding one simply called Rudy’s Custom Auto just up the road he’d hoped would do the trick quickly and without charging too much.

His car managed to make it to the mechanic in one piece- though the sputtering of the engine misfiring was about to give him a heart attack.

The shop was nothing more than two bays behind old garage doors with a small office attached to the side. One of the bays was already occupied by an old body truck stripped of all its paint and covered in multiple patches of bondo. Jake pulled up to the next bay and waited a moment for someone to come out.

When nobody came he braved turning off his car, gripping the keys tightly in his palm as he slowly tread into the open garage. Once he stuck his head in he saw a pair of dirty work boots on the other side of the truck, but the dated stereo system that sat on top the workbench on the far wall kept the person at work from hearing Jake arrive. Jake cleared his throat and called out above the sound of Steely Dan playing loudly, “hello? Are you open?”

“You scared the shit out of me!” The person inside answered him, then their boots started to make their way around the front of the truck.

Jake stood awkwardly at the threshold of the doorway, waiting to see what kind of character worked at a place like this, but oddly enough he felt like he’d heard their voice from somewhere.

“What can I do for you?” They asked with their back towards Jake as they paused to turn down the stereo. Finally he turned around and a huge smile spread across his face when they both realized who it was. Danny was just as shocked to see Jake here as he was, but he also looked really excited.

“You work here?” Jake asked, thinking it was a stupid question as soon as it slipped out. Of course Danny worked here, he was standing inside the shop in a pair of navy dickies covered in oil and white dust with a just as dirty white t-shirt (this one without any modifications to it) tucked into his waistband and tightly stretched across his chest and arms.

“Off and on. Rudy’s a friend of mine he lets me do some body work when I need a job”.

“Oh,” Jake looked around the shop aimlessly, mostly just trying to keep from staring at the tattoo he now knew peaked out just underneath Danny’s sleeve. “There’s umm… something wrong with my car. Could you take a look at it?”

“Well, I’m not much of a mechanic but Rudy is out on lunch right now. For you though I could do some digging around and see if I can’t at least figure out what your problem is”.

Jake knew Danny was giving him special service as he lifted the hood and bent over into the engine. He never once thought having an admirer would come with many perks, but as he stood with his arms folded loosely across his chest as Danny checked hoses and looked for leaks the frustration towards the whole situation started to wear away. By some strange stroke of fate the car he so tediously took care of, nearly never missing an oil change, happened to break down in the same neighborhood he had no idea Danny worked in.

“Hey! Don’t break it any more!” Jake hollered, stepping up next to Danny to see what all the banging around he was doing was.

“I think I might know what it is” Danny popped his head back out, startling Jake as he suddenly came face to face with the other man. Another shock came when Danny grabbed his hand and shoved it down into the engine. “Feel that?”

Jake wanted to rip his hand away, all he could feel right now was the residual heat from the parts around his forearm, his fingers blindly searching for what Danny may be talking about, and the way his chest pressed against his shoulder as they both leaned over so Jake’s shorter arm could reach. Finally he felt the warm liquid and realized the smell he got a whiff of was gasoline.

“Must have a leak in your fuel injectors” Danny backed away, letting Jake pull his own hand out and offered him a rag from his back pocket to wipe it off with. “Gonna be a bitch to get replaced. Let me call Rudy see if he has any spare parts otherwise he can pick some up on his way back”.

Jake wasn’t sure exactly what that meant, not being too familiar with the inner workings of an engine himself, but he figured he should probably start making some calls of his own starting with work. After letting them know he probably wasn’t going to make it back from lunch Danny came walking out of the shop again.

“Good news, he can get the parts and he’s on his way back. Bad news, I could only sweet talk him down to a couple hundred bucks”.

“Right! Of course that’s fine, let me just-” Jake bent over back into his front seat, bracing himself on the cushion with one arm as he searched the console for his wallet. After a few seconds of not finding it he was struck with the realization that he’d had his wallet in his pants this morning. The ones he spilt coffee all over. “Fuck” he grumbled to himself, backing out of the car to see Danny looking away quickly. Was he staring?

“Well actually, I think I left my wallet at home. This Rudy guy doesn’t take ApplePay does he?”

Danny chuckled and shook his head, “no, this is not the kind of place for that. Don’t worry I’ve got you”.

“Oh no, I couldn’t ask you to do that” Jake tried to quickly figure out how he could get the money before Rudy returned. Maybe he could call Josh to swing by his house and get his wallet, or bring some cash. Fuck how long was this going to take anyways? He might have to ask Josh to pick up Luna from school too.

While Jake’s mind was racing Danny turned around and walked back into the shop to get back to work on the sanding he was doing before Jake happened to show up.

“Let me see what my brother is up to right now, he might be able to bring me some cash. How much exactly is it?” Jake followed Danny inside this time, not paying much attention to where he was going as he pulled his phone out.

Abruptly he was stopped when Danny’s hands wrapped around his forearms and pulled him out of the way before Jake could walk into a tool box sitting in the middle of the floor. He looked around the inside of the shop now, seeing the entire place was quite a disheveled mess. Tools were everywhere between the ground and the workbench, and oil pans that looked like they’d been used one too many times were piled into the corner of the second bay. It was like navigating a minefield to get somewhere he could stand and wait.

“I said don’t worry about it” Danny replied once he had Jake situated in a safe place. “Besides there are plenty of ways you can pay me back”. Danny gave Jake a flirtatious wink from where he sat back on his rolling stool on the other side of the truck.

“Excuse me?” Jake scoffed, too astounded by Danny’s suggestive response to focus on making the phone call now.

“Yeah, like a date” Danny continued as he picked up his scrap of sandpaper and started to go over his most recent bondo covered spot.

“A date?” Jake blinked a few times, wondering if he’d heard him right since the radio was still playing quietly in the background. “You want me to take you on a date?”

“Well I was going to say let me take you on a date” Danny chuckled again, keeping his eyes focused on his work, “but if you want to take me out I’m not at all opposed to that either”.

“I- I mean- ” Jake was stumbling over his words, in utter disbelief and embarrassed by his lack of composure right now. He didn’t understand what had gotten into him.

“What? Are you not into guys or something?” Danny let his eyes flicker back over to Jake this time, catching a slight blush creep into his cheeks.

“No, that’s not it…” Jake replied sheepishly. It was true, from a young age he didn’t put much thought into sexuality or gender for that matter. He was always more attracted to the person and how deep of a connection he could make rather than just what was on the surface. Though he’d never actually dated someone of the same sex before, it was never out of the question for him.

“Then what is it?”

The sound of Danny’s sanding stopped as he waited patiently for a response. He had a suspicion he knew where Jake’s reservations were rooted from, having already heard a few details, but he hoped Jake would feel comfortable enough to tell him himself.

“Dates have been hard for me,” Jake began, fiddling with the rim of his phone case to distract himself from mentally screaming stop shut up if you tell him he will only pity you- “since my wife died a few years ago”.

“I know,” Danny replied without hesitation, making Jake realize- of course he knew, his sister was one of Jake’s closest friends, “and I’d respect your boundaries if you said it was still too soon”.

Jake leaned against the work bench behind him and let his head fall backwards, huffing a breath out through his nose, staring up at the ceiling as he thought for a moment. His eyes felt dry and prickly, but he absolutely could not tear up right now. No he’d told himself a long time ago that he was done with that.

Danny seemed to be one step ahead of him on this, already understanding what he was getting himself into when asking Jake for a date. “What if I said it wasn’t too soon?”

“Hmm?” Danny didn’t quite make out his question, either because it was being directed towards the ceiling instead of him, or maybe because Jake was actually only asking himself.

“It’s not too soon” he rephrased as he looked back over at Danny again, a little more resolve in his demeanor. “Are you free this Friday night?”

Danny’s face lit up in a smile, having thought there for a moment Jake was going to officially tell him to fuck off. “I can be”.

A cocky reply, Jake thought, smirking himself a little. “Alright then. Friday night, I’ve got an event to go to. You can come”.

“An event? For your job?” Danny questioned in return as he once again got back to work. “Doesn’t sound like much of a date to me”.

“Look, do you want to come or not?”

“No, no, I’ll be there,” he assured him quickly, “thanks for inviting me”.

It’s not really like I had much of a choice. The truth was he could have declined, could have told Danny to shove it and stormed out of the shop to wait in his car for Rudy to return. He didn’t though, and there was possibly even a part of him who was excited he’d invited Danny.

Originally he was supposed to be going with Josh, but then his brother had something come up that weekend that he couldn’t get out of. Josh’s partner booked them a little mini vacation not realizing the dates conflicted with Jake’s concert, and the hotel and airfare were nonrefundable.

Jake promised him he didn’t mind, ‘It’s just going to be a local group playing a few songs, nothing too special. You guys go have fun’. He was more anxious about it than he’d led onto Josh though. At least now he wouldn’t be going alone and he’d have something to distract him if he got too nervous- Danny being easily very distracting.

“What are you even doing? You’ve been sanding the same spot this entire time” Jake tentatively stepped a little closer until Danny waved him over.

“I may not know too much about engines, but I know a lot about the body” Danny replied with a smugish half smile that made Jake roll his eyes. “Come here, you have to get right up close to see what I’m talking about”.

Jake moved to stand next to Danny, leaning over slightly as he stared at the white blob on the fender of the truck. Danny stood up and got behind him, barely grabbing at his waist as he positioned Jake to get the right angle. Jake’s body stiffened and froze, unused to being freely touched so often without any warning.

“You see how smooth it looks?” Danny muttered behind his ear making the hairs on the back of Jake’s neck stand up. “Run your hand across it now”. Jake did as he was told and placed his palm on the cold metal, feeling a small ripple as he swiped it slowly over the surface.

“You see sometimes things look perfect from the outside, but when you get your hands on it you find tiny little flaws. I’m a perfectionist, I’ve got to get every little dent and scratch out. Sometimes that takes days of just filling and sanding it back down until I run my hand across and it’s smooth as can be”.

“Doesn’t it get annoying?” Jake asked, thinking about how long and tedious that process must be.

“I’m very patient” Danny shrugged, letting go and sitting back on his stool.

Jake couldn’t help but let his mind wander in this moment as he watched Danny from just a foot away now. He wondered what Danny might think if he ever got an up close look at him. Sure maybe from the outside he looked put together, just like this fender solid and sturdy, but once he got his hands on him he’d be able to feel all his flaws- the cuts that dug deep into his very being and had scarred over.

Only about ten minutes later Rudy returned and Danny took a break from what he was doing to help get Jake’s car back in good working order. Thankfully they were done just in time for him to get to the school and pick up his daughter without having to call in reinforcements.

“Wait, could I get your number?” Danny stopped Jake before he could drive off, hoping but also confident that their fix worked. “So we can coordinate the date?”

Jake looked over Danny’s shoulder, seeing his boss tossing more tools around, not even bothering to clean up and not paying attention to what his employee was doing- clearly harassing customers. He gave him his number anyway, finding a text presumably from Danny when he got home. Just a simple wink face emoji.

Before he could save the number in his contact list though, Luna called for his help in the kitchen and he dropped his phone off on the bar. Completely forgetting about the little message left on read.

It wasn’t until Thursday night after he’d gotten off the phone with Josh that he received another text from the unknown number.

What should I be wearing tomorrow?

10:34PM

Jake waited a moment to reply, he’d just about concluded that maybe Danny had forgotten about the ‘date’ because he hadn’t heard from him since leaving Rudy’s shop Monday afternoon. When Danny didn’t show up to Wednesday’s soccer practice either Jake was a little discouraged, but he told himself to get over it. He walked Emma home and her mom looked like she’d had a rough day so Jake didn’t bother asking about her brother's whereabouts. Should he really care anyways?

Something nice but not too formal

10:48PM

No jeans and a crop top

10:49PM

Crop top?

11:00PM

Wait, that’s my favorite shirt

11:00PM

Good to know. Don’t wear it.

11:02PM

Ok I won’t, but you remember it?

11:02PM

Jake panicked for a second as he read the text. Why did he have to bring it up? Stupid mistake.

Danny continued to text while Jake stumbled for a reply, writing something out then thinking it sounded stupid and erasing it, knowing Danny was probably watching him type.

Did Luna see the video I sent her? Of the soccer ball slime? I thought she’d like that one

11:05PM

If Jake didn’t already feel awkward about bringing up the crop top, now he felt even sillier about having thought Danny had sent that video to him. Of course it was meant for Luna.

He debated not responding, just closing the messages app on his phone and going to sleep, but he knew that would be rude- a little white lie might be better.

Yes, she liked it

11:08PM

I’m glad, sorry I wasn’t at practice this week

11:09PM

Danny didn’t offer a reason why he was absent, but at least he’d thought to apologize. Not that he had to, it’s not like Jake was hoping to see him there or anything. Again he didn’t know what to say; it was getting late Danny had to know he was probably in bed right? Before he could reply again another text came in.

I’ll let you get to sleep. I’m excited to see you tomorrow. Good night Jake

11:11PM

Good night

11:12PM

Friday was a frenzy, hustling around between the office, the venue where the orchestra and band were getting to practice with the soloists for the last time before the show, and then home to get Luna ready to stay at Emma’s house while he was out.

The air was heavy at the venue when Jake left, some issues with sound they were able to get a tech to fix, and some tiny adjustments to the breaks in the program had everyone tense and on edge. Jake knew it was just pre show nerves though and he had full faith that the night was going to go over well.

The confidence in his peers didn’t exactly extend to himself however, as he held his breath when he rang the doorbell, Luna standing at his side excitedly.

“Daddy you’re going to a party?” She asked, ever curious about what he was up to.

“I’m going to a work party” he explained to her again, having already told her she was going alone to play at Emma’s house tonight for just a couple of hours.

“Will there be presents and cake there?”

“No presents, but there might be some cake. Do you want me to save you some?”

“Me and Emma?” She asked, grabbing his hand and looking up at her Dad with a pleading smile.

“Of course, I’ll bring you both some” he returned the smile down at her until the front door opened and she bounced inside off to find her friend.

“Thank you for watching her tonight” Jake told Emma’s mom as he waited around for Danny to show. He’d text him when he was on the way, offering a ride since he was coming over anyways.

“Of course any time” she kept the door open, also aware who Jake was waiting on. The silence was a bit uncomfortable, how much did she know about them anyways? The two seemed to be close, but he worried if she thought it was a little strange her friend and her brother were going out together.

“I know someone who gives piano lessons will be there tonight. I can ask them if they have any space for Emma” Jake offered, just to fill the time.

“Oh, that would be nice. We’ve got a lot going on right now though so we might wait until next year”.

“No worries, I can just get her contact information. Has Michael been having to stay late again?” He didn’t want to pry too much, but after a couple of years of knowing them he could tell there seemed to be some new unresolved tension coming from the household.

She sighed and shook her head, obviously frustrated but biting her tongue. He realized there might be a little more to her irritation than just her husband working late, but before she could break and spill her worries Danny finally emerged from the hallway.

“Sorry for making you wait, I was ironing my shirt”.

Jake’s eyebrows shot up when he saw Danny in the doorway, the light from inside the house casting his long shadow across the porch Jake stood on. He was wearing a dark colored button up with a diamond pattern, the sleeves rolled a quarter of the way up his arms with subtle gold chains across his wrists and neck. “Is this okay?” He did a little spin, holding his arms out so Jake could get a good look at his outfit.

“Yeah it’s great. You look great” Jake cleared his throat and adjusted the collar of his own shirt, glancing over to see Danny’s sister watching them with amusement in her eyes.

“Well you two have fun. Jake don’t worry about hurrying home we’ve got the kids”.

Jake nodded and Danny gave his sister a quick side hug before joining Jake on the porch. She shut the door behind him and Danny gave Jake a big eager smile.

“You look great too. I like this” he ran his thumb across the lapel of Jake’s suede coat he’d chosen for the night, already knowing it got cold at the venue they were going to. “I like these too” Danny’s fingers moved next to one of the necklaces that sat against Jake’s chest, picking up the circular charm and examining it.

“Thanks, they were a gift” Jake replied, trying to remain as still as possible and keep his breathing steady.

“Well, shall we?” Danny gently laid the pendant back down and retreated, clasping his hands behind his back like he was reminding himself to behave.

The ride over was nice. They talked about music finding out they had similar taste, Jake leaning more towards blues and Danny towards folk but both sharing a passion for the classics of old rock n roll.

When they arrived at the event Jake had plenty of people to greet and thank for being there. He worried Danny might feel out of place or get bored, but every time he glanced over to him Danny was lit up with a smile and conversing with those around him. Soon it was time to take their seats; Jake showed Danny where they would be at the back of the room, and waited by the stage for his quick speech before the concert started.

Jake held the mic tightly in his hands, not having felt that weight in his grip in years. He’d always had a bit of stage fright, but getting up in front of a crowd with June had never been less than amazing and he tuned into the memory of that feeling when he stepped in front of the audience tonight.

“First of all I’d just like to thank everyone for taking the time out of their weekend to be here with us. For those of you I don’t know, my name is Jacob Kiszka and I work for the foundation who put on this event. All of our ticket sales from tonight are going towards our new program that offers students free private music lessons. I really hope you enjoy the performance. Over the past six months I’ve been overseeing this project, I've gotten the opportunity to know some of these brilliant musical minds and promise they have some treats in store for you. Again, thank you so much for coming and after the show please feel free to check out the live band and refreshments we will have in the conference room next door”.

The crowd clapped for him as he exited the small stage and scurried off to rejoin Danny at their seats. They had the last row reserved to themselves, and with the venue not being close to full there wasn’t even anyone sitting anywhere near them.

As soon as he plopped down next to Danny the lights dimmed, getting darker where they were compared to the stage lights that focused their intensity on the musicians down below and the first song on the program began.

Jake’s focus stayed on the stage, but he felt Danny shift closer to him and whisper into his ear. “You did a good job”.

Just as easily as he’d leaned over, Danny sat back in his seat and enjoyed the performance, letting Jake do the same. Despite any hiccups they’d had earlier, the soloists were flawless, the transitions between pieces seamless, and the audience was loving every minute of it, clapping enthusiastically after each final note.

“Isn’t she amazing?” Jake asked Danny when his favorite performer finished by far the hardest song of the night, The Habanera from Carmen. It was her idea to include it in the program, and although Jake worried it might be too difficult for an intermediate orchestra, he was blown away by their hard work and dedication to the art.

“I actually can't believe I just heard that in real life” Danny’s mouth was agape, his eyes glittering with sheer delight.

Jake’s smile faded as he observed Danny watching the performance now, but it wasn’t because he was upset or anything. Quite the opposite, he was suddenly being filled with an overwhelming sense of relief and reassurance. He expected Danny might like it otherwise he wouldn’t have invited him. Even if he didn’t that would have been ok, but Danny seemed to be genuinely appreciative of his time here and that made Jake even happier he’d come.

Feeling like he was being watched, Danny looked over and made eye contact with Jake who was sitting on the edge of his seat. A shiver broke through undeather his coat when Danny’s eyes took him in next, looking him up and down through hooded lids and finally settling on his hands in his lap.

Internally Jake was screaming at himself to move, say something, do anything, but on the outside he was as calm as ever when Danny reached over and grabbed one of his hands, intertwining their fingers together and giving it a squeeze. Jake let out a shaky breath as his eyes fell to his lap, hoping Danny could not feel his heart pounding in his wrist.

“Jake…” Danny muttered his name in the dark, swiping his thumb over the back of Jake’s hand making him look back up again, only he didn’t look him in the eye this time. Jake found himself staring at Danny’s lips, hoping he’d be the braver of the two again.

Before either of them could make the next move though their moment was cut short when Jake heard someone else start speaking over the microphone.

“This last piece was not included on the programs, it is a special thanks to our Director Jake for all the hard work he’s put in. We hope you’ve all had a great night and be safe”.

Jake snapped his head back towards the stage, shocked and completely unaware of this secret addition to the performance. He gripped Danny’s hand tighter when the song began to play and he instantly recognized it as a rendition of one of his own.

The singer started in after the acoustic guitar opening, and Jake was taken aback when he heard his late wife's lyrics bleeding through the speakers for the first time in over three years.

He could feel the sting but he didn’t even register the tears rolling down his cheeks until Danny sat forward as well. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just-” he felt his voice crack, his face and chest burning hot as he shook his hand free from Danny’s and excused himself.

Jake went out into the hallway to collect himself, furiously wiping at his cheeks until they were rubbed red and drying his palms on his pants. Thankfully he was alone, until he heard the sound of the door behind him allowing someone else out.

“I’m sorry, that just caught me off guard” Jake’s knee jerk reaction was to apologize, suck it up, and walk back in with his head held high. All of that flew out the window though when Danny silently came from behind him and wrapped his arms around Jake’s shoulders, pulling his back against his chest and resting his chin on the top of Jake’s head.

More tears began to pool along his lash line when Jake reciprocated the touch by wrapping his hands around Danny’s forearms and pulling them tighter around his shaking frame.

“Don’t apologize. You’re allowed to feel every emotion coming to you right now” Danny muttered behind him.

Jake shook his head and nuzzled his face into the forearms folded across his chest, waiting for the moment to pass before he popped his head back up and inhaled sharply.

“Ok, I’m going to go to the restroom. People will be coming out soon. Will you wait for me in the conference room?”

“Yeah, I can do that”. Danny released his hold and took a few steps back to give Jake some space now. Though as he watched Jake cover his mouth with the back of his hand and walk away, he wished he’d let him follow.

Tags: @lyndz2names @gracev0609 @lipstickitty @sanguinebats @kultavalo

A/N: So there really is a program called Austin Soundwaves that does offer free private music lessons for children in that area. I was able to go to one of their concerts and the performer really did start belting Carmen, it was awesome. Support your local musicians 👏

[ivy-meshle]

Okay I said on Tuesday in the tags I might talk about plurality n stuff wrt myself. Right now this is more stream of consciousness than anything polished, and idk if I’m going to be up to talking about it with people for a few days.

This is gonna get pretty long so I'm putting it under the cut:

(FWIW, I'm mainly using 'I' here, but that's because I've spent so long trying to make sure I keep plurality stuff off of this blog it feels weird to write 'we').

I think it was... fuck, six or seven years ago now? that I first learned what plurality even was, then another year and a half where I just kept thinking about it for weeks on end before I started to maybe consider that the reason I couldn't stop thinking about it was maybe the same reason I couldn't stop thinking about transness after I'd learned about that.

Even now, I'm still hesitant to claim plurality. It feels like a step too far- like I’m overstating things. I don't feel like one person, but I don't know that I feel like more than one, either. Certainly I don't have clear boundaries between one self and another. It’s more akin to distinct patterns of thoughts and behaviors that I feel like I snap between. Neural pathways that open and close.

There is one consistent pattern I've noticed though: when I'm in a period of stress, those distinctions become a lot clearer, and they tend to stay clearer than they were before even after I can unwind. Which is part of why I'm feeling more comfortable talking about plurality now; I know I'm going to be more people, more clearly, in the next four years.

The other major reason is that I want to not feel doubt every time I talk about us, that I'm just deluding myself. And that means that I need to get more used to talking about us.

So, uh, introductions, I guess? I've opted not to introduce characters (fictives(?)), since they tend to come and go more frequently- usually as I write about them. I think it's something about trying to get into their perspective that creates some of the same sort of neural pathways. If they stick around for longer than three months after I stop writing about them, I'll introduce them then. The sole exception here is Nensa, who meets that requirement.

For now: Hunter, 'me', host(?). He/it. Mostly responsible for getting people and things to where they need to be to work. Emotional regulation and planning type things.

Asher. He/ey. Math/physics nerd, problem solver. He handles the homework :Þ

Nensa. They/she. Minecraft Warden hybrid, stoic, helps with handling sensory overload mainly.

Miranda. She/her. Customer service voice social butterfly. When I need to talk to people at the bank or on the phone, she’s the one who takes the wheel.

Blake. He/him. Punk aesthetics and paranoia. He’s the one who keeps us from doxxing myself every other day, but also he keeps us from opening up to people. It’s a balancing act. (He’s very resistant to posting this.)

Dakota. She/her. Probably the first distinct self I identified; basically the face of my RSD. Very sensitive, cries frequently.

Ulyssa. She/it/void. Goth and angry and rude. It formed semi-on-purpose when Hunter decided to treat the negative self talk while I was spiraling like it was a person he could talk to and well. Now she is! Hunter tries to keep it and Dakota separate as much as possible.

Qwerty. It/she/he. Online persona, kinda? It only shows up when we’re on the internet. He’s more in tune with the social norms of the web than the rest of us are.

Anyways. Yeah. IDK. Life is weird and brains are weirder and I don’t necessarily think of myself as a system, but I would count myself as plural. That’s about the long and short of it.

Feels like I ought to say more, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I’m going to schedule this for, like, 9am my time so that I don’t have to actually hit that post button myself (scary). I also probably won’t be up for talking about this with other people (sorry mutuals!) for at least a few days. Thanks for listening.

( @ivy-meshle so I can rb this in the future )

[donnerpartyofone]

A really basic and obvious problem with the algorithmic targeting of "your interests" is the idea that everything you click on is actually relevant to your interests. The assumption that everything I do online is something I meant to do with full information, and that I am always satisfied by, is completely absurd. The internet is a place that is full of misinformation and misdirection and ambiguity and it is also a place that constantly inflames morbid curiosity--which is not always a driver of consumer activity. This is like assuming that if I unwitting click on something that links to Lemon Party, it must be because I have a vested interest in gay gerontophilic pornography, and it will be financially productive for companies to serve me erotic content featuring elderly men for the rest of my life.

My immediate reason for thinking about this is a lot more boring, but still: When I'm looking for jobs on Indeed, I start with a simple set of delimiters--let's say the job description should include "writer" and the location should be <25 miles of me and it should be [anything but an internship]--but as I go along, Indeed seems to be actively thinking about what I'm clicking on and adjusting its behavior accordingly. I see a listing for a "commerce writer" at The Spruce and I think "I'm not interested in anything to do with commerce, but I like The Spruce, maybe I can click through to other jobs they have?" It turns out I can't because the job is listed through some generic agency, so that was a bust...but now Indeed is serving me as many jobs as it can find with the word "commerce" in them. Luckily I seem to be able to game this a little bit by clicking on things with more obviously relevant key words to get my search back on track.

I might also click on a job listing just because I can't tell what it is from the preview text, or because something about it sounds hilarious to me. Or I might click on something because the preview text sounds right, but then the actual job is exactly wrong. This last problem is strongly compounded by employers dicking around with job titles which I think sometimes happens to follow some new trend, sometimes to make the responsibilities ambiguous so they can exploit people, sometimes because of industry-specific terms that are not cross-compatible, and sometimes out of genuine idiocy (so it seems to me). Like, in my limited experience "associate" is an entry level office thingy I might qualify for, but an associate is something very different in a big time law firm--or an employer might use that title so they can pay on an associate level for a disproportionate amount of labor and responsibility. Years ago when I was actively searching for jobs on LinkedIn there was some weird mistake--I don't know anymore if it was a problem with my site activity, or if LinkedIn misinterpreted my resume and profile, or both/neither--but something made it so that LinkedIn would only serve me vice president jobs no matter what. It was all C-suite stuff I would never qualify for and that I probably wouldn't even want. There was nothing I could do to fix this, and eventually I reached out to Support to try to get someone to help on the backend. They never responded to me in any way and I totally forgot about LinkedIn for many years afterward.

Spoiler alert for 976-EVIL I guess but there's a part of that movie where the heroes try to find out who is in charge of the evil prophetic phone horoscopes, so they go to the office building that hosts all these hotline businesses and it turns out that 976-EVIL is basically just coming out of a box in a closet. That's how I feel about a lot of internet businesses, and I know this is by design to avoid paying for customer service, but still. Years ago I was stalked by a guy who left 600+ comments on a YouTube video related to my place of work. We couldn't reach the original uploader and we tried and tried to get someone's attention at YouTube, but we never got back so much as an automated email with a FAQ link. I'm still convinced that nobody works at YouTube, it just comes out of a box in a closet somewhere.

Anyway. I remain amused and annoyed that The Algorithm thinks that everything I do online is both on purpose and has desirable outcomes. Sometimes I have this paranoid fantasy about what if my phone is monitoring all the subtleties of my exact behavior on Tumblr, because I follow a few people who post porn *just once in a great while*, which means sometimes I'm innocently scrolling along when some porn appears and I do a double-take thinking "Who do I follow who is posting that?", and I scroll back to figure it out--in which case my phone would think that I'm lingering over the porn because I want it, not because I'm surprised and confused. I hate that I even think about stuff like this, but it's a fact of modern life.

PS Because of this train of thought I now know that the Lemon Party once existed in Canada. Check it out if you want, it's not porn. No for real though.

[moochi-daisies]

18+, Minors DNI

- series contains drinking, smoking, cursing and tension~

Find the rest here!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2012.01.

I'm comfortable making mistakes.

Well-

I guess comfortable isn't the right word. I'm used to making mistakes, I'll put it that way. There's not much use regretting mistakes, sometimes they even turn into happy accidents, right?

I never wanted to consider meeting him a mistake. But here we are- so let's go back.

It's late Fall of 2012 and I'm 20 years old. And I'm in a bit of a "fuck all" era of life. My mom had moved us out of state to live with her alcoholic, albeit sweet boyfriend of the moment and I had no idea what I was doing with myself. There was no direction I was headed in in particular, life was happening and I was simply drifting along with it. Trying my best to stay afloat, trying my best not to panic or drown.

Things were...not the best at home. A polite way of insinuating that traumatized parents were traumatizing their children. That isn't really the point though, I'll spare the details.

I worked part time at a big shot make up company, I went to college classes (sometimes) and I partied. I had been terrified of partying my entire life until my senior year of high school when I decided to swallow my anxiety and learned a loophole around my social fears: drinking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was young, ok?

I had been aimlessly scrolling through Tumblr one night, mindlessly doing make up in an effort to recognize my face in the mirror when I came across a flier for a show a few states away. It was being held in some bar, the person who posted it being advertised as the main DJ. Looking closer at the picture on the flier, he was cute. Dark hair and pouty lips. A serious gaze and a smirk that flipped my stomach over.

I messaged him on a whim;

Hey you, I wanna come to your show but won't have a place to stay. Gotta room open?

I snorted to myself, surprised by my own audacity. But what the hell right? You only live once as the saying goes.

I put my phone down. Looking back at my reflection, my mood quickly grew somber. Big brown eyes, pouty bottom lip, straight eyelashes on one eye, curly on the other. Each part of my face felt separated. Like they belonged to multiple people. Like they didn't belong all together on just one face.

The girls at work were customer service friendly. Meaning, they knew I bought my makeup from a convenience store and wore hand me downs to fit the dress code. Meaning, they were never cruel to me but I wasn't invited for drinks after our shift was over. I was allowed to be there but didn't "fit in".

I was used to not fitting in. If you passed by me, you'd probably assume otherwise. Not because there was anything special about me, quite the opposite- I looked just like a regular girl. It was not being able to act regular that got me into trouble. Growing up I let many bully me into normalcy, thinking if I could figure out the rules they were setting that I would be able to appease them.

I never figured out the rules.

My phone buzzed, shaking me out of my inner ramblings.

Haha, hey yourself. Yeah, sure. My roommates are down. I'm Yoongi btw, hope the show is worth it.

I stared at the message for what felt like 5 minutes, my mouth falling open. Then I closed my phone, sitting completely still, frozen in disbelief. A laugh bubbled up and out of me before I opened up the message again. I left my phone open and stood up, shaking out my legs. A buzzing excitement starting to build in my bones.

Okay, I thought to myself, now I just need to figure out how to get there.

The money from my job went to my mom. In an effort to prevent me from partying and to help her not feel completely reliant on her boyfriend for money. I didn't have a car, and there was no way she was going to let me travel out of state to go stay with a guy I randomly messaged on the Internet.

I had a small amount in my savings meant for school. Logically, it would make more sense to spend it on what I wanted to do instead of wasting it on something I wasn't even committed to, right? I wasn't even sure what I was going to school for and had switched majors at least three times within the past two years. This was a convincing enough argument for me to make up my mind.

The show was a week away, and I figured the cheapest route would be by bus considering the short notice. I searched for the tickets, slightly gawking at the 13 hour ride length before exhaling and clicking the purchase button.

I decided only to tell my younger sister, who gave me a wary look and made me promise to check in with her. I decided not to tell my mom, to avoid any unnecessary fighting or being told "no".

I spent the following week in a daze, excitement building with each passing day. Each time I checked in with Yoongi to give him an update, a swelling in my chest made it difficult to breathe.

Was I really going to bus 13 hours to see a random dude DJ on a whim?

Yes, yes I was.

Was this absolutely insane and for the experience more than anything?

Yes, yes it was.

Life experiences felt like collectibles to me at this time. If it wound up being a bad experience, what a story I would have to tell to friends later on. If it was a good experience, what a memory I would have to cherish.

Looking back now, I don't know how to categorize the experience. There's a lump in the back of my throat that I choke on whenever I let it come back.

If I could go back in time to November 2012, if I could stop myself from going and ever meeting Yoongi-

I couldn't.

Some things in life can be avoided while others feel inevitable.

We would have crashed into each other no matter what ended up bringing us together.

[that-gay-jedi]

Tbh it seems like I can get super autistic about anything I'm forced to think about often enough for long enough even if it's something I'm not personally or naturally interested in. It's like every job I've had since getting off disability has left a little mini fucking encyclopedia in my brain that just pops out like a springy snake from a Pringles can if you take the lid off.

Back when I worked for a cellphone company I used to answer anyone's technical questions in such rigorous detail that after moving on to the next customer I'd suddenly think "shit I probably overwhelmed/bored that last guy beyond all comprehension and now he knows less than before I gave him information" and I was capable of talking for upwards of 15 minutes uninterrupted just about a single topic like how not to ruin your battery or why you can't just shove any old SIM card from your provider into your new phone anymore etc. One night on my last call of the shift I spent about an hour talking to some guy about the specs of various secondhand phones.

Not only am I not particularly passionate about cellphones, but I'd straight up uninvent certain aspects if I had a time machine. I'm not exactly the guy you would expect to infodump half the user manual into your ear.

I cannot emphasize enough how much I do not, ultimately, care about the world of finance so long as I'm not asked to deal dishonestly with clients, my boss likes my work, and my paycheques keep coming. I loathe capitalism and I keep the ghost of Robespierre hovering above my left shoulder to periodically whisper affirmations in my ear. And yet now that I've had to learn a bunch about it I will ANIMATEDLY give a client a crash course in what the fuck their electronic balance does vs their available balance vs their current balance etc etc, how the release of unverified funds work and why their paycheque doesn't have their employer's name next to it, the difference between holding a Canadian based account that uses U.S. dollars and holding a US-based U.S. dollar account with a Canadian bank, rattle off the top of my head the handful of self-service transactions that can only be done on a computer/laptop and the ones that can only be done on a mobile device, etc etc.

Weirdest of all is now that a large part of my job is to do things like teach nervous elders how to use a visa debit card or book them the first videoconference appointment of their life, sometimes the cellphone shit from my old job becomes relevant and suddenly I'm reassuring a hospitalized client who needs a distance appointment but has technical issues with their phone that if they call the help line of their cellphone provider from another phone while holding the glitching one in their hand, they may get a rep who is trained to patiently guide them through basic troubleshooting steps to get their phone in working order for their banking appointment.

I realize this represents some kind of ADHD-autist survival mode, though luckily it's a world away from the survival mode that got me through 10 years of the way disability/unemployment/etc treat a person- in the long run it does seem to take less out of me overall, which is a scathing indictment of social services. I just wish I could be doing the same thing but with something I actually personally care about, like books or Star Wars or the human brain. Times like this are when I most regret how I got transphobia'd out of massage school because I could happily have spent my life locating minor anatomical landmarks on a bone or showing patients diagrams of their muscles.

[frogsandfries]

Sitting in a vet emergency room

It occurred to me earlier today that eventually coming up soon here, I'm going to have to draw a character who hasn't been seen in about two or three hundred frames--frames that I drew well over a year ago.

Also, eight, almost nine hundred frames is a lot--if I put two strips of three on each side of the page, that's over a hundred pages.

I think it's time to make character sheets......

I have a ton of work that I need to print up already, so gee, I'm so looking forward to further fighting with my stupid printer which is pretty much bricked, thanks Canon. I want to get my bead patterns printed out, which I've mentioned previously. I'll probably do a character sheet for my main character as well as my secondary characters, and probably some emotions and head angles. Oh, I should find that resource of every angle of hands. That'll be great to have readily accessible.

The catch is, since this story moves through time, there aren't school uniforms or anything, and there are times when the main character is being changed into different outfits as part of the plot, I figured that it would be best to just naturally change characters' outfits. So......how do you integrate outfit changes into a character sheet or story bible? I don't have all of anyone's outfits planned for the whole story--that would be kind of insane.

So far today, I got invi-told on a car trip. My sister had her tattoo session today and she got upset when I didn't ooh and ahh over it. My thing is, I'm an artist. I see tons of art every day. I've made tons of art. I went to art school. My own art is not something that would make me stop and ooh and ahh (well, my graphic novel doesn't; my bead plushies, even incomplete, do).

My sister is not even necessarily creative. She doesn't draw or really color. She doesn't sing or dance or perform. She doesn't knit, crochet, cross-stitch, 3D model. Anything.

And that's absolutely okay. That's fine. She'd rather be outside, hiking, camping, running, all that stuff.

I told her, the only time I'll really have something to say is if I would rate it a 0, 1, 2, 3, 9 or 10 out of ten. When you work in phone customer service, if someone gives you a 5-7 or 8, depending on the company, this is usually fine. It's when someone gives you a 0-3 or 9 or 10 that the call may be addressed. Her tattoo is just fine, the skull looks like a skull, the bird looks like a bird. All of the elements look fine. Personally, and I already told her, I would have gotten the linework done a little darker to match the first tattoo, but I guess she got that done overseas?

I also told her, it's her body. If she's happy with the tattoo, then I'm happy for her. It's not something I would put on my own skin because it's not my vibe, it's not my taste, it's not my aesthetic. It's a perfectly fine aesthetic, it just isn't mine. I don't know what more to say about it. I don't think there's anything good or bad to say about it and furthermore, of all people's opinion, I don't know why mine is upsetting her so much.

She told me, my non-opinion means I hate it and the tattoo is bad and I'm insulting her by having a non-opinion. I told her, I think that's something she's going to need to work on. Taking my non-opinion, when I already told her, I will tell her if I have something to say, I will say it, as a negative is not my problem. Maybe this is the most clueless-autistic I've ever been, but I am absolutely lost. Why is she upset?

Anyway, while I was in the car, with the cat because we are now at the emergency vet, first, it was hot as hell. I miss living in NM. And of course, I worked on my graphic novel. Even though I just wanted a goddamn nap. I have some seven or eight hundred frames to color.

[blahandwhatever]

So my mobile hotspot speeds have been throttled, and no workarounds have worked, so I’m living a slightly more cautious and limited online existence. It’s not as bad as it could’ve been - I remember getting my data speeds throttled years ago and the internet hardly being usable. It’s still usable now - quite normally, even, with text-based things like work and job hunting and writing here. Video is off-limits on the computer except for very short ones, and image-heavy pages take a while to load. Picture blog is slower but reasonably doable. For Tumblr browsing, the least annoying solution is connecting my phone to my computer via scrcpy with the browser in landscape mode and the sites in desktop mode. I’m learning some new things.

Work is still slow. I got my first project from my new job - a fairly small one with a surprisingly far-out deadline, though I intend to get it done this week. Have an interview tomorrow for the other job that doesn’t pay as much as I’d like. I’ll see if it’s worth taking on for a while, assuming I get an offer.

Studies have also been slow, and I’m doing more online surveys to hold me over until my next major one next week. I’ve expanded my reach to Survey Junkie and Ipsos iSay - both a little annoying, Survey Junkie especially in a number of ways, but it’s the best site I know of in terms of reward redemption, which is pretty much instant and available in bank transfer, PayPal transfer, and digital Visa gift card options (all of which can be ideal for me at times). 

I spent much Tuesday and Wednesday sucked into the survey vortex and feeling shitty, for reasons partly but not entirely related - there was definitely something physical going on lately that depleted my energy, possibly at least in part due to minor mold issues again. By last night, I started to feel more normal.

Today, I wanted to visit the botanic garden because I’d hoped to go this month and it was one of the month’s two free admission days. Unfortunately, there was still the $8 parking fee, and I had no money left after doing my groceries for the week. But I figured I could get a $10 Visa gift card to buy the parking online (bank’s account’s too deep in the negatives for surveys to do it much good). And that I did.

I woke up late and still tired and not sure I was in the mood, but it was a beautiful day, and I knew it would be good for me. But when I went to buy the parking online, I got an error saying they couldn’t process the card. I tried a different browser. I checked and made sure the addresses and everything aligned between the card and garden accounts. I called customer service, and they told me they couldn’t process gift cards (for ‘needs to be tied to an address’ reasons? though I put in my address in the gift card account). Nowhere did it say this on their site, and I’d always had gift cards work like normal credit/debit cards except in cases like gas stations or pay-over-time things where they need assurance that you have more money than what they’re currently charging you.

I was angry and I cried a tiny bit and I briefly gave up on my plans before deciding to take up some online reviewers on their recommendation to park elsewhere and walk to the garden. It might take a while, and eat into my garden time and energy, but it would probably be worth it, especially at no cost.

So I went - much later than planned, but I’d still have a solid couple of hours, and thankfully they’re lenient about the admission windows. First I thought about parking in one of the hotel or shopping center parking lots by Skokie Blvd, but I was paranoid about getting towed and decided instead on the other solution of the forest preserve parking a little past the garden. I feared it might be eerily secluded, especially coming back in the late evening, but it wasn’t too bad, and the walk was a pleasant enough one that only took me about 17 minutes - not the 30 one reviewer had said. A good solution indeed!

I got into the garden without a hitch. It was pretty crowded, as it can be in the areas near the entrance, and for a while I kept crossing paths with a loud and annoying group of teenage girls. But eventually the people dispersed, things quieted down, and I found the peace and joy I’d hoped for. I didn’t have time to traverse the place as thoroughly as I sometimes do, so, for the most part, I focused on the areas with the most flowers, and I found lots to love, and I took lots of pictures, and I even had a hummingbird hang around in front of me amidst some pretty flowers. I don’t know when the hell I’ll get caught up to the present day on my photo blog, but I look forward to going through these pictures someday.

And with this little evening outing, I got myself the best day I’d had in a while, coming home reinvigorated with the feeling of summer. As an added bonus, I got to spend my unused gift card on a few things I needed at home.

[alaffy]

Nancy Drew, Ex.1x09 – The Hidden Staircase

This one is going to be much shorter than my other Nancy Drew posts.  This episode could be described as partial filler.  There are things that happen here that are important to the characters or to the main story; but other parts that are probably for this episode alone.  Because of this, I’m not going to go into as much detail.    

Nancy is writing in her journal.  Long story short, she doesn’t know if she can trust her dad.  Honestly, while I feel he’s a patsy, I really can’t blame her.  But she gets a call from George, who needs help finding her sister.  When Nancy and the others get to The Crab, George tells them she hasn’t called the cops because she doesn’t want them to send Family Services and because Ted sometimes does go off on her own.  But George has searched everywhere Ted would go and no luck.

Nancy goes into the office where Ted was last seen.  She’s smells something burned and the smell of sulfur.  There she finds a symbol on the floor.  But not just any symbol; it’s the symbol of Nathan Gomber.  When Nancy was twelve, Gomber kidnapped a young girl. Nancy was the one who solved the case. Gomber left this wax symbol at the playground where the girl was taken.  Only the police and Nancy knew about it.  Nancy lets George know that Ted has been kidnapped.  

So, the police are called and McGinnis puts out an Amber Alert.  McGinnis also tells George that they’re checking out Gomber’s old place. Then, McGinnis asks where Nancy is. Nancy is at the penitentiary, where Gomber is held.  Nancy wants to know why there’s a copy-cat.  Gomber tells Nancy that she pointed the finger at the wrong person.  Nancy is able to track down the mother of the girl who was kidnapped, who gave Nancy permission to talk to the girl.  The girl tells Nancy that she only remembers Gomber kidnapping her and coming to the warehouse.  However, the girl also says she had strange dreams of Gomber and the tall shadowy thing.  Which makes Nancy remember seeing Gomber call out the name Simon and seeing a face/mask in the shadows.  

Nancy contacts George and Bess and finds out that, prior to his arrest, Gomber was working with a real estate company owned by the Marvin’s.  Nancy says she’ll talk to Owen.

Meanwhile, Carson is helping at the police department, answering phones.  Karen tells him that she checked the visitors log for Gomber. She let’s Carson knows Nancy visit Gomber that morning.  Also, it seems like he’s had a regular visitor for over a year, a woman named Moria Baker.  McGinnis goes to visit her.  

Nancy meets with Owen, who’s brought her a file on his company’s relationship with Gomber.  Also, Owen knows Gomber; or at least met him a couple of times. It seems like in November of 2012, Gomber was really excited about becoming a developer.  However, in the next few months, he became obsessed about the warehouse.  When Owen saw him for the last time, a few months before the kidnapping, his personality had become cold and distant.  

Nancy meets back with the crew.  Long story short, they realize that the voice that Nancy heard in the warehouse in 2013 was the same kind of entity they dealt with during the séance.  They go back to George’s office.  George picks up the dragons head toy and the floor is scorched underneath.  The crew wonders if maybe the creature is one and the same; that this “Simon” took Ted. Or rather it’s met up with someone who…

It's going to be Moria.  Nancy asks Bess about the customers the day before.  Bess mentions a woman with a tattoo on her hand.  Nancy draws that tattoo and says she saw it on Gomber’s hand this morning. So yeah, Moria.

Moria obviously wants something from Simon; just like Gomber all those years ago.  

We learn from Carson that, after the ordeal with Gambor, Nancy was different; more closed off.  Carson gets a call from Nick.  See, Nick knew Nancy would check out the old warehouse and was concerned what the might do to her mentally.  He offered to go with her, but she refused.  So, Nick called Carson, so he could be there instead.  

Couple of quick things. Karen is asked to send a photo to Carson of a newspaper clipping in Nancy’s room.  She does and then sees Nancy’s journal on her bed.  Owen comes to The Claw to help out.  After nightfall, Simon requires the soul of a child. So, they have to hurry as they only have a few hours left.  

Back at the warehouse, we find out what happened the night Nancy saved the girl.  Basically, the whole event of dealing with a kidnapper and a demon, well, traumatized Nancy to the point where she couldn’t remember everything she saw.  She also lost a notebook at the time, which she finds all these years later.  

The other thing that Nancy discovered is that the tattoo is of a mark on a wooden panel in the warehouse. Behind the panel is the shrine for Simon.  And God is it freaky.  It is possible Nancy saw the shrine and repressed it.  Apparently, the girl didn’t remember it either.  It’s possible, then, that Simon makes them forget.  Carson doesn’t believe in ghosts….Carson apparently forgot everything he learned last episode.  

Getting through this real fast.  George and Nick find out there is a place that is owned by Moria’s grandparents and they break in.  McGinnis goes to talk with Gambor.  Nancy tells Carson that Gambor and Moria are connected to Simon by blood.  They used their blood to draw this symbol on pieces of cloth that are on the alter.  Nancy burns both pieces of cloth; which, in turn, causes physical injuries to Gambor and Moria.  It also pisses off Simon.  Meanwhile, back at the shop, George and Nick find Ted.  

Nancy destroys the shrine and Simon disappears.  What’s more, Nancy remembers what she forgot in the warehouse.  Long story short, she fell down a flight of stairs and was extremely afraid she wouldn’t see her parents again because she thought she would die.  

Nancy goes to Gambor and tells him Moria confessed.  Nancy says she sent Simon away, but Gambor says Simon’s still around.

Bess calls Nancy and lets her know Ace is awake.  Then, Bess tells Owen about her mother and how her maiden name was Marvin.  That she is the sister of Sabastian and Owen’s father. Owen said that they didn’t have any sisters; but Bess tells him that her mother said that that is what the family decided to say once…wait, her mother is the sister of….Bess doesn’t need DNA, she just needs a good genealogist.   Doesn’t matter how rich the Marvins are; if the mother was born in the last half century there will be a record of it.  Anyway, Bess just so happens to have a send away DNA kit in her locker and Owen agrees to give her a sample to see if they are related.  

As for Nancy and Carson, this event manages to bring them closer.  And Nancy starts to realize it’s time to let the walls down again.  Except…

Nancy realizes her most recent journal is missing.  She goes downstairs to see her father being arrested.  See, the journal was in plane sight and the journal had all the evidence against her father written down, including the money.  I’m guessing Karen read the journal in order to see if Nancy knew more about Tiffany’s death.  But it isn’t just the journal.  Turns out that Carson’s fingerprints are on the knife used to kill Lucy.  They were able to match them to the fingerprints on the glass he used at the station.  

Seeing as how we are only half way through the season, it’s obvious he won’t be the murderer. However, it seems as though he might be more connected than he let on.  

[veilder]

I am still very excited about this and, as a treat, wanted to actually post part of the story for the first time. I'll leave the first chapter here, under the cut, if anyone would like to read it. ^_^

"Why don't you ever talk?"

Connor looked up from his workstation to see a waiting customer glaring at him over the partition. The man was short enough not to be able to see over the syrup bottles—a fact that Connor probably shouldn't find charming, but did—so he helpfully scooted the hazelnut and raspberry out of the way to better acknowledge him. 

Connor saw him in here every once in a while. As usual, his face was pinched in a tight moue of displeasure, eyes narrowed, posture suspicious. From what Connor had been able to tell, he looked at everyone like this all the time and so he didn’t let the outward display unsettle him. 

Perhaps he had been reassessing his customer for too long, though, because the man's already-harsh features narrowed even further into a scowl. "What, you too good to answer me, tincan?"

Connor quickly shook his head, opening and closing his mouth as he debated how he could satisfy the man's curiosity. In the end, he settled for raising a hand, letting the skin pull back as he projected his words above his palm. <I’m afraid my vocal processor suffered irreparable damage in a previous altercation. I apologize for the inconvenience.> The man’s eye quickly scanned the message before he let out a scoff. “Ain’t an inconvenience. It’s pretty fuckin nice not having deal with all the chirpy customer service models first thing in the morning. Fuck it, might have to make this place my go-to if it gives me some damn peace and quiet.” Connor tilted his head. It would be a lie to say he didn’t find it curious that this man would initiate a conversation with him if all he wanted was silence. It seemed at-odds with his self-proclaimed mission, but trying to understand humans rarely worked out well for him. He would just have to mark this down as another quirk on the very, very long list he was compiling. In fact, even as he set about steaming the milk for a young woman’s latte, the man ventured another query. “So, what happened?”

Connor looked side to side, making sure nothing catastrophic was going on while his attention was elsewhere. It seemed all was in order as usual. He turned back to the man, hoping to convey his confusion with his eyes. His strangely verbose customer was tapping his fingers on the decorative molding he was leaning against, his body angled away from Connor to stare out the front window at the dreary, overcast weather outside. A quick flash of gray made Connor aware that he was still speaking to him, though, as the man stared at him from the corner of his eye. He cleared his throat. “The, uh… The ‘irreparable damage.’ You involved with the fighting last year?” His eyes were darting around now, that inherent suspicion he always seemed to be sporting reaching new, anxiety-inducing heights. Connor, having finished up all of his orders, made sure no one was paying them any mind. The few customers seated in the small cafe were either on their phones or blearily conversing with their tablemates. Everyone else had departed as soon as their drink orders were finished. Even his co-workers were busy chatting to each other over by the stockroom. No one seemed at all interested in their conversation. With no need for caution, Connor gave the man a shrug, quickly wiping his hands clean on his apron before reaching up to his neck. The man’s eyes snapped back to him at the motion, seemingly riveted on Connor as he carefully lowered the blue turtleneck he was wearing, revealing his injury to his rapt audience. “Holy shit…” he heard the man whisper as he took in the carnage. And carnage it was, too. Connor knew better than anyone just what a gruesome sight his savaged plating was. Even without the constant warnings and error alerts flashing across his HUD, he had assessed the physical damage himself after he had managed to crawl his way to safety. The area was jagged, rough, an unclean seam running the width of his neck. The synthskin around the whole plate was deactivated, the entire vector from his torso to his head a glossy, synthetic white except for the dulled, blackened scar. Even with the emergency spot-weld he’d done to close the fissure, a faint, flickering light still shone from behind the thinned plastic. Connor had long since grown used to how unpleasant the sight of it was, but the way the man gawked was still not ideal. He felt an uneasy shudder go through his system as he hastily reaffixed his collar. He was well-familiar with these sensations by now, though. Shame, first and foremost, and guilt close behind. Usually, the simple accomplishments of his new job here helped to cancel those feelings out, but this exchange had brought them to the forefront of his mind.

“Hey.” Connor looked up to find the man’s features had softened. He no longer looked as if he wanted to strangle the next person that walked by. No, he looked almost… apologetic now, a very foreign fit to his features. Connor wasn’t sure that he liked it. The man made sure to catch his eyes as he spoke next. “Didn’t mean to… put you on the spot like that or whatever. That shit looks like it hurt.” Connor opened his mouth to explain that no, androids cannot feel pain, before remembering his disability and doing an awkward twitch as he hastened to bring up his hand display again. The man just shook his head. “Nah, save it, I know the specs. Doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt inside though, right? Sometimes that’s the worst part of it.” He ran his index finger down the prominent scar that cut across his nose as he said this, giving Connor a self-deprecating smirk. “Heh, well, it always is, in my experience.” Unbidden, he felt his scanners respond to those words, facial registry program automatically sweeping across the man, hoping for more information. His own, innate curiosity had brought the struggling system to life. But what used to be standard procedure stuttered and stalled, the large [PLEASE INSTALL UPLINK TO ACCESS THIS FEATURE!] flashing across his open query. Still cut off, then. Nothing he didn’t expect, not since he’d been deemed a failure. But still… he had hoped. In an effort to hide his disappointment, Connor glanced over to the pick-up counter, noting the lone cup still sitting there, untouched. Blonde roast Americano… At this rate, the drink would have gone cold. Frowning, Connor looked around, trying to see if he had somehow missed someone during his initial scan of the cafe. But no, everyone had their own drink sitting beside them and no one looked impatient. He stared down at the bell he would use to signal the drink being ready, the one he utilized in lieu of being able to call out. Maybe he should ring it again, just to make sure? A tan hand came into view just as he felt his LED cycling yellow with indecision. “Ah, yeah, that one’s mine, Tinman.” Oh, but of course… This order belonged to the man he had been interacting with. (He made a mental note to recalibrate his logic algorithms, for surely there was something awry if he could allow for such a simple mistake.)

Connor noted the sub-optimal temperature of 76.6 degrees Fahrenheit and, before he had even fully made up his mind, he reached out, letting his hands arrest the man’s movement. They stood there, the man with one hand on the cup, Connor with both of his keeping it still. He shook his head adamantly, trying to make the man understand that he could not allow for such sub-par service. He removed one hand to allow for the display: <Please allow me to remake your drink, sir. I’m afraid in the time we were otherwise engaged, it has gone lukewarm.> The man read the message and, giving him an assessing look, he shrugged. “Well, can’t say no to that, I guess. Knock yourself out, hotshot.” Connor smiled, both at the go ahead to accomplish his mission and at the nickname, and set to work. In exactly 46 seconds, he had another hot, steaming coffee sitting before the man. He smiled and displayed, <This should be more acceptable.> The man laughed, a small, hoarse bark. “Yeah, thanks.” And then, with another of those wicked smirks stealing across his face, the man reached over and slapped the bell, the loud ring making several of the early-morning customers snap back awake. The man laughed again and Connor felt himself smile. “Order up, yeah?” Connor nodded, mesmerized by the other’s easy mirth. Even as he watched, the man lifted his drink, taking a small sip and closing his eyes at the sensation. A small groan came from his lips, one that Connor did not know how to process. Taking a step back from the counter, the man said, “Well, guess I better be getting to work before my boss chews my ass again. Motherfucker, always riding me like I’m the one outta line…” Even Connor’s premium auditory sensors could not distinguish the grumbling in the hereafter, but he thought that might be a good thing. Cutting himself off, though, the man looked back Connor’s way. “I think I’ll have to come back here more often. Good service, ya get me?” He slapped the counter with a grin and started walking backwards toward the door. “Later, Connor.” And with that, he was gone. A strange stutter assaulted his Thirium pump and Connor, alarmed, immediately performed a self-diagnosis. However, his scans came away clean. He would perhaps have to research this phenomenon more when he returned home for the night. But until then… He set about cleaning his already-pristine workstation, wiping down the machines, adjusting the bottles, sanitizing the countertops. Only one thing needed throwing out and that was the man’s initial order. Emptying out the cup, Connor delighted in his scanners highlighting where the man’s fingerprints were embedded in the biodegradable paper. He automatically logged them, though they would be of no use to him without his criminal and civilian databases. He did it anyway, smiling to himself as he followed the way they twisted around the cup. And on the other side, written in bold permanent marker scrawl near the bottom, it read Gavin. Gavin… Connor stored the name in a safe space in his processor right next to his fingerprints and the color index of his eyes and the sound of his unique laugh. Gavin. Connor thought he might, perhaps, be looking forward to tomorrow.

ᅠᅠ"Why don’t you ever talk?“ ᅠᅠConnor looked up from his workstation to see a waiting customer glaring at him over the partition. The man was short enough not to be able to see over the syrup bottles—a fact that Connor probably shouldn’t find charming, but did—so he helpfully scooted the hazelnut and raspberry out of the way to better acknowledge him. 

ᅠᅠ © Veilder 

Art for @veilder based on their fanfic.

I liked working on this art! It’s so nice to draw something you like based on such a great written story. Thank for for this wonderful opportunity. 

[boldlyvoid]

Amethyst you so much

Summary: Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

Warnings: pure fluff, weed mention, hurt/comfort, grief and mourning

Word Count: 6.4K

Read on Ao3

Late nights at the office had become his thing since Gideon left.

He couldn’t bring himself to go home some nights without a game of chess, a cup of coffee, and the ambiance of the post case staff working. He would’ve had no idea about what goes on after they close a case if he didn’t stay behind most nights.

The phone rings almost every 10 minutes, and it’s always answered by the sweetest voice. The fax machine never turns off, and the most beautiful girl in the world is always running around placing papers in different places.

He’s been smitten with her since she started here, 2 years ago. Never seeing much of her since she was switched to the night shift, always wanting to just watch her from afar, never speaking to her unless he needed to.

“Yes, again we are so sorry for the door,” he can hear her voice from the back corner of the room. “Agent Morgan will be paying for that out of his paycheck, don’t worry, Mr. Kennings. We’ll be sure to remember your hotel when we’re in the area again. The FBI has a very generous budget for overnight cases. Of course, you have a good night too.”

She hung the phone up harshly and let out a deep sigh. He turned around to see her face in her arms, resting against the desk. She looked done, completely fed up. He would be too.

She looked up then, noticing that he was making eye contact with her. She awkwardly smiled and waved at him, “sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry,” Spencer replied. “We asked for the key, I should have stopped him from kicking it in.”

She laughed then, walking over to his desk so she didn’t have to yell across the room. She sat on the corner of his desk lightly, “why do you stay every night?”

“Oh, um,” he wasn’t prepared for this. She had never talked to him before. She was barely able to even look at him when she used to place papers on his desk 2 years ago, now she was on his desk.

“I don’t like to bring the work home with me, it’s better to destress here before I go to my apartment,” he answered, half honestly.

She nodded slightly, “I get it. Luckily I go home in the mornings so the sun helps me feel better.”

“Going home in the dark isn’t fun,” she lightly smiled up at her.

“Do you want a coffee or anything?” She asked softly, “seeing as I am still your assistant as long as you’re here?”

He laughed lightly, “I would, but I’d like to join you in the staff room for it?”

“Okay,” she stood, straightening out her shirt as he stood as well.

He held the doors open for her, letting her walk out first, still smiling as she waited in the hall for him. Never being anything less than 1 foot from him for some reason, and he didn’t mind in the slightest.

“Do you like your job?” He asked lightly.

“Oh yeah,” she laughed. “It’s like customer service on crack. Have you ever had to explain to someone why you can’t pay for the cracked foundation after Agent Morgan’s ransacked a place?”

“I honestly never thought of who has to deal with the aftermath,” he awkwardly admitted to her. “I’m so sorry.”

She couldn’t stop laughing as they entered the kitchen, “it’s fine. I never have to apologize on your behalf, it’s everyone else who seems to be reckless. Sometimes I feel like it would be better if I came along to babysit.”

“That would be helpful,” he smiled softly as she entered the staff room.

He watched as she took a new coffee filter out of the cupboard. Emptying the coffee pot with ease, rinsing everything before adding the water and scooping in the grounds. He was mesmerized by how fast she was able to do it, then again it was sort of her job.

“What mug would you like?” She turned to him with a smile that made his heart skip a beat.

“Um, the purple one, if it’s there?”

“You really like purple, huh?” She teased him, standing on her tippy-toes to reach the mug for him.

She placed it on the counter before grabbing a white mug, it had a bumblebee on it, “bee happy” written along the top. It was perfect for her.

“Purple is a stress-reducing colour,” she explained. “When I was a kid my parents painted my room purple so that I’d sleep better.”

“I’ve always been drawn to it.”

She leaned against the counter while the coffee pot started to percolate, “Probably because of your anxiety, coffee doesn’t help that.”

“It’s in my DNA to be like this,” he tried to joke, knowing he succeeded when her smile crept back onto her face.

He was on a mission to keep seeing it.

“For someone who spends a lot of time with dead bodies, creepy places and bad people, you sure are a mousy little thing aren’t you?” She teased him.

“I also love Halloween, go figure.” He’s not sure where the confidence came from, being able to make light-hearted jokes like this was only easy with the team.

Which she technically was a part of. He’s seen her almost every single day for 3 years, slowly being able to get comfortable enough for this very moment.

“What else are you into, outside of here?” She asked honestly, making his heart swell as no one else had ever asked him before.

“Lots of things,” he sighed. “I love to read, I’ll read anything. But mostly I enjoy far-off worlds. Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Doctor Who, Sherlock mostly.”

“No supernatural?” She gasped. “Sacrilege, honestly. What kind of nerd are you if you don't support supperwholock?”

“That's the show with the monster hunting brothers right?” He tried to recall it to his mind.

She nodded with a pressed-lipped smile, “it’s bad but in a way where I can’t stop watching every Thursday, they just introduced an angel who is pretty gay. Star Trek is cool too, I guess, I was raised by Trekkies.”

“My mom was into Doctor Who.”

“Mamma’s boy,” she teased him slightly, returning her focus to the coffee as she poured the now finished brew into their mugs. “She was nice when she came in that one time, I made her a very sweet coffee just like yours.”

He reached for the sugar then, poring a generous amount into his mug with a grin, “how much do you like?”

“the same amount,” she couldn’t help but laugh. “I hate the taste of coffee, but it keeps me awake.”

He poured the sugar into her mug as she places a spoon in each. Allowing him to stir his own before picking it up finally. Holding the warm ceramic in his hands, it was almost as warm as the feeling in his chest when he looked at her.

He’s felt it for a long time. He’s been caught staring at her by Derek, JJ even tried to get him to give her his number. Which she already had for when she calls him into work in the middle of the night. They knew he had a crush, he did too. He just didn’t know what to do about it.

“Come to my desk, I want to show you something?” She asked softly, avoiding eye contact as she walked towards the door.

He followed, like a lost puppy, all the way back to her desk. It was always neat, he always looked at it when he made his way up the stairs to the briefing room. He could even see it from where he sat at the table sometimes. Always wanting to see her leave in the mornings.

She had a collection of rocks that always changed, he loved the blue one the most but it wasn’t there currently. She had all new ones since the last time he looked.

“Here,” she hands him one. It’s brown and gold, the colours moving and shifting as he turns it with his fingers. The gold running through it like a beautiful wave.

“what’s this for?”

“It’s a Tiger’s eye, for good luck and happiness,” she smiled. “Keep it at your desk and maybe it’ll be easier for you to relax when you come back?”

The butterflies in his chest were swirling then as she looked up at him with pleading eyes. Wanting him to take it, wanting him to feel better. Caring for him.

“Thank you,” he barely whispers, clearing his throat softly. “It’s very nice of you.”

“You’re always nice to me, so,” she shrugged.

They sat down then, he dragged his chair from his desk over to hers. Sitting in close as she explained all the meanings to her rocks. He listened carefully, getting to examine each one as she spoke.

“This one is Jade, it’s for balancing emotions and allowing compassion so I don’t scream at everyone on the phone,” she laughed as she placed one in his hands. Her fingers brushing his palm softly.

It was a beautiful green stone with a thin white line running through it, separating into 3 directions as he flipped it over, “it’s beautiful.”

“I know some people don’t believe in this stuff,” she started to get embarrassed as she placed them all back on the shelf. “But I’ve always thought; if the moon, which is just a rock, can control the water, and humans are 70% water, then who’s to tell me the moon cycles don’t control my emotions and these smaller rocks can’t help problem areas?”

“You’re not wrong,” he shook his head softly as he thought her words over. “People depended on the stars and planets for guidance originally, as well as rocks and herbs for healing, just because it’s outdated doesn’t mean it doesn’t work?”

“Thank you,” she smiled. “No one has ever agreed with me that easily.”

“Anytime you want to talk, I’ll just be over there,” he pointed at his desk. “And I’m a phone call away?” He swallowed sharply at his boldness, trying to stay calm as he awaited her answer.

“I do have your number,” she smiled, reaching out to place her hand on his. “But you should go home, I’m sure you’re chilled out now.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, staring at her hand as they touched. He lightly wrapped his hand around hers, holding it slightly, running his thumb over her knuckles. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“And every day after,” she whispered, tilting her head as she smiled at him.

This was going to be interesting.

—

Penelope was always dragging him out. She would take him shopping, to dinner, to the movies. She was like his big sister, dedicated to making sure he wasn’t always cooped up or trying to retreat into a fantasy life.

She kept him busy.

She had 4 bags in her hands as they walked down the street, peering into the store windows to see what else she could possibly be interested in taking home for someone. That’s when they passed the natural health store.

He stopped in his tracks, seeing all the different rocks on the wall accompanies by little cards that described how they could help. He opened the door and rushed inside before Penelope even noticed he stopped following her.

“Good afternoon!” The shop owner called out to him. “How can I assist you today?”

“Um, the girl I like has a rock collection,” he says softly, knowing Penelope is behind him listening. “Crystals more specifically, I’d like to get her some?”

“Well, you came to the right place,” the man beams, escorting him to the wall of rocks. “What is she like?”

“Wonderful,” the words are carried out of his mouth on a sigh as he thinks about her. “She’s confident and nice, and caring. She’s always positive and just so lovely.”

“I’ve got you,” the man starts picking rocks off the wall and placing them in his hands.

Spencer follows him to the desk where he lays down a handful of rocks, Penelope is shockingly quiet as she stands beside him, staring at the collection. She’ll be full of questions later, all of which he is terrified of.

“This is a rose quartz, pretty basic love, beauty, anti-depression stone,” he pushes the pink and a green rock towards him. “Serpentine is for new adventures, observation and insight. I have a feeling you’re up for an adventure with her?”

Spencer nodded enthusiastically, “I like that one. It would be better to get her some rare ones, some that have to do with friendship, new beginnings, or opportunities?” He tried to explain his feelings as best as he could. Not knowing if he sounded dumb for a change.

The man smiled wide, “here,” he dipped below the counter and dug out a box. “Chrysocolla is literally for new beginnings, love and opportunity.”

He hands Spencer a vitreous, raw blue stone with small green marks running all through it, it’s beautiful like her. “This is perfect.”

“I’ll throw in a Kiwi Jasper as well, it’s for being by someone's side, support and trust. As well as a Ruby in Zoisite it symbolizes finding the joy in life with someone,” he hands Spencer two equally beautiful stones, prepping a bag and wrappings for all of them.

Spencer lays out the 5 stones he picked out, watching him wrap them with care before placing them in a bag. He rings everything up, Spencer pays and before he’s even out the door Penelope is pouncing on him for answers.

“Who?!”

He can't help but blush and stutter, trying to brush past her and continue walking down the street. “You can’t hide forever Spencer, who is she?”

“How do you know it’s a she?”

“You literally said so?” She looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Come on? I won't tell anyone!”

“Y/N.”

The gears are turning in Penelope's head as she tries to place a face to the name, knowing she’s seen her somewhere, “From the office?”

He nods softly, “the one Derek bullies me for staring at?” He clues her in more as they walk.

“He also bullies her for staring at you,” she adds with a smile. “She’s going to love those, when are you going to give them to her?”

“I was thinking about just leaving one on her desk every day? Maybe with a note for why I picked it?” He really wants to woo her, she’s too special to just flirt with.

“She’s going to love that.”

—

Sure enough, he walked into work every day for the next week, placing a rock on a sticky note on her desk. He was never around when she was able to see it, only knowing she got it when he'd arrive at work the next morning with a note reading 'thank you ♥︎ ' on top of his files.

He thinks about her all weekend, planning how he'll give her the last rock as he takes the elevator up that morning. Only to see her sitting at her desk, phone pressed to her ear as she tried to talk someone out of suing the FBI, she looked absolutely miserable. Just a casual Monday morning for her, almost at the end of her shift.

He rushed over to his desk, putting all his stuff down to dig one of the rocks from his satchel. Picking the Kiwi Jasper for today, he grabbed a pen and a sticky note and wrote her a little note.

“Always here if you need to talk, -Spencer ♥︎”

He walked over to her desk, she was still talking so she didn’t notice him until he was right there, she looked up at him with a thankful smile.

“Yes sir,” she answered the person talking to her. “Can I call you back after I speak to the chief? thanks.” She hung up on him, turning all her attention to Spencer.

“I know you know it's been me leaving these, but I brought you in another one,” he says softly, placing the rock in her hand and sticking the note to the shelf where it would end up.

“oh my gosh, Spencer?” She placed her free hand on her heart as she looked at the rock.

“You looked upset?”

She stands and pulls him into a hug, he can feel all the eyes on him as he holds her back, letting his chin rest on her shoulder as she squeezes him.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she pulled back, awkwardly smiling at him as she also noticed everyone staring.

“Always,” he smiled back, hand still resting on her arm. “Um, I have a case I need to get to.”

“Of course, good luck,” she smiled.

He pulls the tiger's eye out of his shirt pocket, showing her that he still had it, “kinda hard not to have good luck with this.”

She bit back a smile, her eyes gleaming as she took a deep breath through her nose. Releasing the same feelings he was keeping inside, allowing both their butterflies to swarm out together.

—

He loved when they had cases in Virginia. Being able to stay in the bullpen and work was relaxing, it was easier to think where he felt safe.

He was working on the geo profile all alone, a huge map stretched across a clear case board as he laid a yardstick across it. Drawing a thick red line with marker over it, in his own little world as he worked away.

He doesn’t realize she’s standing there too until she’s lightly pressing her hand on his back.

“Hey,” she whispers softly. “It’s 10 pm, thought you’d like a coffee?” She places the purple mug on his desk with her purse, turning her attention back to what he’s doing.

“Thank you, I’m almost done here,” he says softly, finishing the red triangle he was making on the map.

“I’ve always found it fascinating how you do this,” she complimented him. “You’re so careful.”

“Like baking, it’s an exact science,” he smiled softly.

It made her giggle slightly, placing her hand back on his back as she moved in closer to look. He wanted her to stay there forever, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to focus. He tried his best to steady his hand as he finished the line.

Putting the yardstick back down and turning to her, she doesn’t move her hand, instead, softly moving to rest on his arm as she stands close to him. “How are you?”

He feels nervous for some reason, it’s not like she hasn’t been this close to him before. It’s just that she’s close and she smells wonderful and he wonders if her lips would be a better wake-up call than the coffee she brought.

He realizes he’s staring at her lips when he licks his own, “I’m good,” he furrows his brow and clears his throat with a nod.

She smirks at him, “how come you’re the only one still here? Hotch said it could wait till tomorrow?”

“I was waiting for you,” he admits, “but I got carried away setting this up, I never heard you come in?”

“Cause I didn’t,” she scrunches her nose slightly as she straightens her stance. “I saw you working hard and went right to get you a coffee.”

“You’re wonderful,” he blushes as the words slip out, trying his best to keep eye contact when all he wants to do is kiss her.

She pats his arm slightly as she backs up a little, grabbing her bag from where she set it on his desk. “I’m going to set up for the night, come talk to me before you leave?”

“Of course,” he says as she walks away, letting out a small sigh as he realizes just how badly he wants her.

He never gets to talk to her before he leaves, she’s on the phone when hotch comes storming in. Saying something about another body and making Reid leave with him. He’s busy for 3 days straight, thinking about her with every free thought he’s able to squeeze in.

He carries the rock from her in his pocket everywhere he goes; in his pants beside his keys, in his bag with his books, in his breast pocket, over his heart, behind a bulletproof vest. Feeling it press against his chest, a part of her keeping him safe where ever he went.

They finish the case with minimal damage, Spencer specifically making sure that Derek leaves all the doors on the hinges for Y/N’s sake, cleaning up any messes they make so she won’t have to hear about it over the phone. They all notice that he’s doing it for her, quietly appreciating the fact that Spencer is happy for a change, that there’s a glimmer of hope in his eyes again.

He arrives back at Quantico 30 minutes before her shift starts. Everyone else is packing up for the day while he sits at his desk, reading to occupy the time before she comes in.

Only she doesn’t.

30 minutes pass and she’s nowhere to be seen, it’s only 9:02 by the time he starts to panic. Wondering if she’s okay, hoping she’s just in the elevator or grabbing a coffee that’s actually good, somewhere outside of the office.

“Reid,” he hears Hotch calling him from his office door. “She just called in, her grandmother passed away last night so she won't be in.”

“Oh,” he furrows his brow, looking at him with confusion. “How did you know?”

“Penelope,” he smiles. “She’s still here too, and she knows where Y/N lives.”

“It wouldn’t be weird to go see if she’s okay?”

Hotch just smiles at him again, “go see her, Reid.”

Getting her address from Penelope felt a little weird, but she writes it on a sticky note for him and he’s out the door before she can even pry into what he’s going to say. Which is good, because he doesn’t know yet.

It’s late, but he stops by the little rock store on his way to her house. Seeing the lights still on and the same man from before behind the counter.

“Welcome back,” he’s overly cheerful for it being so late. “How did she like them?”

“She likes the ones I’ve given her so far,” he smiles, looking over the wall himself this time for the right one.

Scanning past every emotion and affirmation known to man as he looked around, picking out a beautiful pink Rhodonite for healing grief, supposedly acting as a hug from emotional troubles. And a Rainbow Moonstone for inner peace, harmony and strength.

“She’s lost someone recently?” He asks as Spencer places them on the counter.

“Her grandmother,” he says softly. “These are good, right?”

“They’ll be perfect, we also have amethyst bracelets, they’re good for healing and drawing in positive energy,” he points towards the small display of bracelets. Small purple stones separated with small gold beads.

He picks up 2 of them, placing them on the counter as well.

“Is she still just a crush?”

Spencer laughs lightly, “unfortunately.”

“She might be more after this,” he smirks, ringing him up. “I’ll give you a 2 for one deal on everything, I have a feeling you’ll be in a lot.”

Spencer thanks him as he pays, picking out a small purple bag for the rocks and bracelet. Placing one on his own wrist before leaving. Also picking up some cookie dough ice cream and a card at the corner store just beside her apartment. Remembering all the times Penelope, JJ or Emily has mentioned it being the best ice cream for crying.

He takes a very deep breath before knocking on her door, hoping to every god out there that she doesn’t find this incredibly inappropriate and weird.

“Spencer?” He hears her voice before she even opens the door, looking out the peephole at him.

She whips the door open, eyes puffy and swollen as she looks at him in shock. She’s in a big sweater and shorts, tears dripping down her cheeks as she shakes her head at him.

“I thought you could use some cheering up?” He awkwardly smiles, holding the ice cream up for her to see.

She wraps her arms around his middle, burying her face against his coat. Still crying as she holds him, he holds her with his free hand, shushing her as he presses his cheek to her head.

She pulls back with a sniffle, “come in,” she offers with an arm out, ushering him inside the small room as she closes the door.

He takes his shoes off, handing her the ice cream so he can take off his coat and satchel too. “This isn’t weird right?”

“Not at all,” she laughs slightly through the awkwardness. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you care this much.”

“I brought something for you,” he says as he struggles to dig everything out of his pocket.

He hands her the card and the little purple bag, seeing the overwhelming glance grow on her face. Her eyes grew wide as he mouth opened, speechless.

She opened the card first, reading the passage about grief that was already provided. Dealing with grief was something Spencer knew too well, adding something a little special to the bottom of the card.

“To live in hearts we left behind is not to die,” -Thomas Campbell. As long as you remember her, with a smile on your face and love in your heart, she will always be with you ♥︎ Spencer

She wipes her tears with her forearm, placing the card on the counter beside the ice cream before she opens the bag. She pulls out the bracelet first, absolute shock on her face.

“Spencer?” Is all she can say, in a high squeak as she shakes her head at him.

“I didn’t want you to be sad,” he says softly, stepping into her space and placing a hand on her arm. “I love seeing you smile, and I thought this could help.

He takes the bracelet from her grasp and places it over her hand. Resting it on her wrist softly, straightening it out against her sweater as she notices the matching on over his shirt sleeve.

“Oh this is so cute,” she swoons. “thank you, really Spencer.”

“And there are some rocks for grief healing in there too, one is supposedly like an emotional hug which should heal the grief and sorrow, and the other is more for inner peace and harmony,” he rambles away, not wanting her to miss anything.

She pours the rocks from the bag, into her hand, looking them over silently with a smile, “they’ll look great on my desk.”

“The purple looks nice on you too,” he compliments her, watching her eyes drift up to him.

She places the rocks on the counter before wrapping her arms around him once more. This time he’s able to actually hold her back, tight as possible as he rubs his hand over her back.

She smells like home, clean laundry and happiness. She’s soft and warm, he holds her perfectly against his chest, like she was a missing puzzle piece that someone finally found under the table, she fits into his life like she was supposed to be there.

She kisses his cheek softly before she pulls back, causing him to pull her into a real kiss on impulse. Connecting their lips as she sighs into the contact, melting into his grasp as she kisses him back.

Her lips are soft, fitting between his own gently as she breathes him in. Her hands reach up to grip his cheeks, kissing him again and again, placing pecks to his lips and cheeks with her eyes closed as he giggles.

“Thank you,” she whispers against his lips, “for everything.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he whispers back, kissing her one last time before she pulls away.

“I was actually about to smoke some weed on the fire escape and probably cry some more,” she laughs lightly. “would you like to join me?”

“I’ll stick with a bowl of ice cream,” he smiled awkwardly.

“Nice one,” she laughs as she opens the ice cream.

“What?”

“Oh, you didn’t even get the reference you made,” she laughs lightly, “to get high you smoke a bowl, so…”

It makes him smile, “I'm a comedian part-time.”

He makes her laugh again, loving the sound of her giggle replacing the tears. “Why aren’t you this funny at work?”

He thinks about it for a little, watching her scoop the ice cream into two bowls, “it’s a little hard to make jokes when people's lives are on the line, I know everyone else does but I get too focused.”

“They probably wouldn’t appreciate your jokes even if you did make them,” she says as she handed him a bowl with a spoon. “They’re kind of mean to you, in a family way but it still sucks sometimes to overhear.”

She walks into the living area then, grabbing a few blankets and opening the window to the fire escape. Crawling out to sit on the ledge, waiting for him.

“I don’t mind it,” he says as he finally sits down beside her.

She places the blanket over their laps, both of them sitting criss-cross applesauce as they ate.

“Do you like your job?” She asks him, just like he once asked her.

“Most of the time,” he nodded as he got brain freeze. The cold air, the cold ice cream, everything that was catching up to him as he scrunched his face up at the feeling.

She laughs at him only a bit before she’s also attacked by the brain freeze, holding the vein in her neck as she chokes out another laugh, trying to warm up the blood going to her head so the pain would stop.

They’re both just a mess of giggles together, unable to say any words as they let it all out. She leans her head on his shoulder lightly as they calm down to just soft chuckles. He presses his cheek against her head.

“Thank you, Spencer,” it sounds like she’s crying a bit. “My grandma was a lovely woman, she’d be glad I’m laughing right now.”

He reached out a hand for her to hold over the blanket. She interlocked their fingers softly, both cold from holding their ice cream bowls.

“If she was anything like you, I’m sure she was the most wonderful woman,” he says softly, not intending to make her cry but having a feeling he might.

“Would you be interested in holding me on the couch while I cry?” She asked softly, tears in her eyes as she looked up at him.

“Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

—

He’s late for work the next morning.

Waking up to the smell of coffee, opening his eyes to a strange view. He’s on a couch he doesn’t recognize in a room he doesn’t know too well.

Then he remembers, they ended up cuddled up on the couch. He wakes up to the memory of her on his chest, crying softly as they listened to some music, he ran his hand over her back while she went through it all, blessed to have his support.

He fell asleep under her at some point, waking up alone with a blanket laid over him. He sat up to see her in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a travel mug.

“Good, you’re awake,” she smiles at him. “Coffee is ready, I uh, I have this button-up shirt from a guy friend, if you wanted to wear that to work today? So they don’t think you stayed here?”

“That’s smart,” he replies as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes.

Getting up, he uses the bathroom, changes and takes that coffee from her. He’s not expecting her to kiss him on the lips at the door, but she sends him off to work like an old housewife.

He doesn’t want to pull away from her, keeping her pressed against him as he leans in for 4 more kisses before she finally pushes him out into the hallway with a laugh, “get to work!”

“Fine,” he sighs, “are you going to be in tonight?”

“Yeah,” she smiles, “funeral is in West Virginia next week, so I’ll be in until then.”

“I’ll see you later?”

She nods slightly with a soft smile, “you’ll be seeing a lot of me soon, Spencer.”

“Good,” he winks at her before heading down the hallway and towards the street entrance.

He sighs as he walks outside, resting his back against the apartment complex door, taking a moment to think about everything that just happened, the night of company and the wonderful send-off.

It was something he could get used to.

He rushes into the briefing room when he arrives at Quantico, sitting down with his coffee and pretending he wasn’t late. Listening carefully to JJ’s presentation of the case as he flips through everything he missed already.

“Wheels up in 30,” he heard Hotch say as he zoned back in. “Nice of you to join us, Reid.”

“I know that travel mug from somewhere,” Derek said as he stared at Spencer, who was taking a sip to avoid the awkwardness.

“Hmm?” He played dumb.

“That’s Y/N’s. She washes it every morning when she leaves to go home, I see her do it every morning,” his eyes open wide. “Holy shit.”

“Isn’t that the same tie and slacks from yesterday?” Emily teased him as well.

“Her grandma died, I brought her ice cream and slept on the couch okay?” He all but yelled, flailing his arms slightly so they’d all back off.

Derek reached his fist out for him to pound it, “good man.”

Then Penelope noticed the bracelet, “did she get you that?”

He sunk his hand into his pocket then, “no.”

“What?” Emily and JJ asked in unison, straining their necks to try and get a good look at what she was talking about.

He nervously held his arm out for them, showing them the purple bracelet resting over the sleeve of his shirt. “I got one for her too, it’s for healing and peace. It’s what she needs right now.”

“Oh, so you love her,” Derek smiles as he teases him. Making everyone else in the room swoon slightly.

“Okay and?”

“Oh my god!” Most of them shout at him, embarrassing him to no end. He was so glad she wasn’t at work this morning or else she would be able to hear this from her desk.

“Did you kiss her?” Rossi pries, asking what everyone else was thinking.

He scrunches his face, pushing his glasses up slightly as he clears his throat, “a few times.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” JJ kept the questions coming.

“Not yet,” he said softly. “Kinda weird to walk into her apartment while she cries to say ‘hey sorry about the death in your family, want to date me?’”

“Yeah,” Emily agrees, shrugging lightly. “At least she knows you like her now, it’s been what? 2 years?”

“2 years, 3 months, 17 days and 43 minutes,” he confirms with a small nod and pressed lips.

“Gross,” Derek teases him.

“The plane is leaving in 10 minutes,” Hotch cut into their fun.

Making them all gather their things and continue the interrogation in the elevator, and eventually on the plane, and in the police precinct. Even Penelope called him in the middle of everything to bug him about her.

The questions were never-ending, everyone wanted to know how they even started talking, who made the first move, how he plans to ask her out. They were relentless, he almost regretted admitting to anything.

They bug him all throughout the day, all the way until they’re arriving back at the BAU late that same night. He almost doesn’t want to go back to the bullpen and see her with all of them, knowing they were going to follow and say something.

She’s waiting in the hall when the elevator doors open, a pressed-lipped smile on her face, “bad news.”

“Another one?” Hotch sighs, “have Garcia send us the info. Be at the table in 10.” He pushes his way out of the elevator, passed them all as they stare at Y/N.

“Hi?” She awkwardly waves at them all, showing off the bracelet on her wrist.

“See ya, Spence,” JJ and Emily say as they matt his shoulder, dragging Derek and Rossi towards the bullpen doors.

“Sorry,” he apologizes for them softly, stepping into her space.

She wraps him up in a quick hug, keeping one arm around his waist as she guides him towards the bullpen, “it’s fine, they’re going to have to get used to us being together.”

“Together?” He repeats her words.

“I only cry on my boyfriend's shoulders, if you're up for the title?” She teases him softly, pinching his side as they walk towards the doors.

“Can I frame “Dr. Spencer Reid, Y/N’s boyfriend” beside my Ph.D.’s?” He keeps his hand on her shoulder, holding each other slightly as they walk towards her desk. He felt like one of those kids who wouldn’t let go of their girlfriend's hand in the school hallway, attached to her at the hip.

“I’ll make one for you while you’re gone,” she laughs lightly.

They stop at her desk where he sees all rocks he got her collecting on the shelf, as well as a cup of coffee and his favourite kind of donut.

“Thought you deserved something nice too,” she says as she nudges his side.

He kisses her on the cheek as a thank you, “you’re welcome,” she smiles to herself. A feeling of pride growing in both their chests.

“See you later?” He asks as he picks up the coffee and donut, walking away slowly as she smiles at him.

“Come home to me safely, Doctor Reid,” her voice is just loud enough for everyone in the briefing room, where everyone is waiting at the window, watching them, deciding to put on a show in return.

He stops on the steps to look at her softly, “I’d fight a thousand unsubs to come home to you.”

“I’ll leave the light on,” she blows a kiss at him, making him blush a deep red.

He waves, making his way up the steps and into the briefing room. A smile on his face, heart thumping in his chest, all the support in the world swarming around him as everyone patted him on the back.

That tiger’s eye really did bring him good luck and happiness, and her name was Y/N.

[rrazor]

hq boys as non-sexual things that feel sensual

tags: mildly suggestive content (mostly pining)

bokuto: certain phrases are very sexually charged; “make me,” or “what are you gonna do about it” lunch time!! bokuto comes back from the cafeteria with his pork-cutlet sandwich to see you engaged in a card game with three other people. He sees that everyone’s bet something and you bet a strawberry danish you bought this morning and bokuto’s eyes go 🤩 he forces himself in LMFAO and makes sure to sit next to you 🥰❤️ in the end, it’s only you and him left (konoha and komi come over from their classes to see what all the fuss is about and they’re like …..how is bokuto doing so well 😶)

but you win and steal his sandwich on the desk 😈 he tries to defame you for cheating lol but all you do is look at him coyly like “and what are you gonna do about it, bokuto-kun? 😇” and suddenly his tongue feels heavy and his cheeks flush and he’s all 🥺👉👈 he asks you for the bread back because its his only lunch 😭💀 but he ends up winning sm more because you offer to share your bento with him and his heart goes 🥰💖💞

akaashi: sitting next to someone and your shoulders/thighs touch it’s the sports festival!! and it’s lunch break. he spots you sitting on a bench and he starts sweating at the idea of sitting next to you but he wants to be near you somewhat because then MAYBE you’ll talk to him??!? hopefully 🥺💔

he swallows his nerves and sits on the bench too but on the other side with a huge gap between you and your friend. he pulls out his phone to look “busy” LMFAO then, more of your friends come over and suddenly, you’re snug against him, your BARE THIGH touching his because you’re both in shorts and akaashi thinks he gonna pass out with the bashful apology you give him 😵 he thanks every deity he can think of that your friends came over and STAY because your leg is still touching his and he’s holding a conversation with you 😭🥺🥳💕💖❤️😍

konoha: having someone use your keyboard standing up while you’re sitting in front of it you’re in one of the school’s computer labs working on a research essay. akinori sits next to your station, having worked up the courage earlier to ask you if you could help him with his. he sneaks glances at you at the printers as you refill the trays with more paper 👀 he blushes even though you aren’t even doing anything to him 😭😔💔

before he can stop himself, he calls your name lmfao 🗣 but manages to save himself from utter embarrassment by asking you to look over one of his passages. coming over, you lean over him, hands on his keyboard as he leans back. his eyes are wide and cheeks ruddy as he tries so hard to keep cool because you’re so close 😍🥺💕 and god does he hope what he wrote was coherent because he thinks he’d d-word if you said it made no sense 😓😵

kuroo: when you’re sitting next to someone and they lean over and reach across you to grab something another day, another group project. kuroo gets added to a group with you and another guy because he was absent for volleyball. the two of you push your desks next to him and he’s fist pumping internally because you’re sitting next to HIM and not the other guy and he gets to act as the barrier AHAHAH 😇🥳😛

you’re working together when you ask one of your friends to pass over the notes she took from you. she’s sitting in front of kuroo, but diagonally to the right so she leans back and you lean forward to grab the papers. your arm accidentally brushes his chest and kuroo short circuits 😶 you’re SO CLOSE and your body is nearly laid over his entire desk and if he moves his hands up he could probably touch your chest HJAKHSDLKASD 👁👄👁 the guy next to him looks at him all 😐 as kuroo goes INSANE 🤯

kita: hugging from behind he’s home alone, studying in the living room for his university exams. you’re in the kitchen with his grandma helping her with tonight’s dinner. he smiles softly to himself hearing the two of you laugh 😊🥰💞

he’s halfway through a derivatives question when you hug him from behind, arms coming around him as you rest your head on his shoulder blades 🥺💘 when you softly tell him dinner is almost ready, his chest warms and a soft smile appears on his face ❤️💖

atsumu: the guys strapping you in on a roller coaster. are we gonna kiss? why are you giving me that eye contact? inarizaki’s vbc get together to go to the local amusement park!! they get in and the first thing the twins want to do is ride all of the roller coasters so after a ridiculously long line up, atsumu’s sitting next to osamu, waiting for an attendant to come buckle them in, when you suddenly come up in your cute uniform and hair tied up and atsumu’s like SHIT ITS YOU 😳 also damn y didn’t you tell him you worked here he could have gotten discounted tickets smh 🥴😒

anyways you come up to them to buckle them up with him first and he doesn’t really notice anything but you buckle the first strap really tight and he’s like “does it need to be so tight 😘” and you tell him, making eye contact, using your best customer service voice (vocal bottoming but at least you get paid) and with a pretty smile on your face that doesn’t reach your eyes, “yes, unless you want to die. and if you do, don’t do it on this ride because my shift ends in ten minutes and i don’t want to stay here to write a report about a dumbass who ko’d on a roller coaster 🥰” and he BLUSHES oop— 👁👅👁

osamu: having your back scratched you sit next to each other in class and it’s self study time and you’re helping him with the english homework that was assigned when his back starts feeling itchy. he rolls and moves his shoulders to try to alleviate it, but it just isn’t working so he brings a hand back to scratch at it, but he’s not flexible enough to reach it 😔 you ask him what’s wrong and he puts his arm down like he got burned because he doesn’t want to be seen doing something weird in front of you or making a weird face so he just says nothing but you raise a brow and go “are you itchy?” and he nods JAJCKKAD

you bring your arm up to where he was just scratching, “here?” a shake of his head, “no, a little to the right.” AND YOU SCRATCH RIGHT AT IT!!!!! he can feel his shoulders slump as he closes his eyes and groans a little WHOOP he’s SUPER EMBARRASSED but you just laugh it off and scratch him some more before going back to work and he looks at you like 🥺💖 why’d you stop?? even though you’re not even looking at him LOL 😞 touches his back that night in the shower like your hands were so small 😯😍😳 and maybe he should be itchy more often but it also quickly turns to she better not be touchy feely with anyone else 😒

suna: someone writing on your arm he’s forced to take this one evening class this semester because it’s not offered the next one and he needs to take it because it’s a prereq for almost every other course ugh but at least the cute girl who sits next to him lets him copy her notes LMFAO 😭💀 he left all his belongings in the gym’s lockers because he was going to go back anyways for practice so when the professor gives out a code for a free trial of the software they have to use for the homework assignment due in a week, he’s like shit; he left his phone in his bag 🤡💔

you offer to write it down on his arm, grabbing a pen from your pencil case. he nods like sure why not so you take his arm and push the sleeve of his hoodie up and start writing and he just stares at you 👀 your writing is cute and he kinda likes the feel of your hands on him 🤧 class ends and you part ways with a wave. It’s not until he’s reached the gym that he realized you could have just messaged the code to him on facebook 🤨 so he pushes his sleeve up and sees your phone number on his arm under the code 😘 aren’t you smooth!!! 😌

iwaizumi: when someone is putting the car in reverse and they put their hand on the back of your seat iwaizumi been interested in you for a while, and ever since he came to the revelation he finds it really hard to talk to you because he’s afraid of coming off too aggressive or you figuring it out 😔💔 good thing kindaichi reveals that you’re his older cousin and that you’ll be driving some of them to their next practice match because the volleyball team’s bus is out for a checkup!! 😍😘 oikawa, matsukawa and hanamaki all force him to sit shotgun as you drive (even kunimi and yahaba get in on it). iwaizumi grumbles about it and all but he’s secretly super happy he gets to be right next to you omg 👀😭 he takes a bunch of glances around the interior of your (parents’) car and sits a little straighter than he usually would.

he can feel the stares on the back of his head from the other third years egging him on to make a move and just when he works up the nerve to say something to you, you put the car in reverse to back out the parking spot and put your hand on the back of his seat 😳😤 iwaizumi thinks you look so cool AND HOT he clams up and just stares at you with his jaw slightly open 👁👄👁 💕pls save him 🤧

matsukawa: when a girl puts her hand up to yours and remarks on how yours is so much bigger you got randomly paired up with each other to do a presentation for your world history class and so you’re sitting next to each other on a saturday afternoon at the public library doing research together. matsukawa spent more time than he would like thinking about what to wear because he doesn’t want you to think that his fashion sense was as grotesque as the school’s khaki pants 😷🤢 (when you complimented him nonchalantly about how he looks a million times better in casual clothes compared to the school uniform and joking said that he should start a petition to get rid of the school’s ugly khaki plaid pants and skirts and use a photo of what he was wearing today as the main piece of evidence, he almost doubles over 💀)

you’re sitting next to each other and he’s still kinda reeling from the previous interaction ahjdalhd but he does his best to pull his weight. he’s taking notes in a notebook and you look over and comment out of the blue that his hands are really big as you look at yours 🤧👀 he blinks and looks at you like “yeah?” and you nod, putting your hand up and he does it too because he thinks he’s having a fever dream at this point, but not even in his wildest dream did he’’d ever think you’d push your palm against his and say “your hand is so big! 😳” he has to excuse himself to go to the washroom to scream 😘🥰❤️

hanamaki: when you’re sitting next to someone on public transport and the centrifugal force from the vehicle firmly mooshes the two of you together hanamaki pines for you silently and you can’t really tell he likes you because he’s pretty decent at keeping his emotions hidden. or maybe you’re just so busy with your senior year you don’t notice anything that isn’t the impending doom of university applications and keeping your grades up 😤😇 anyways the two of you get on and off at the same stop each day (which he secretly thanks god for 😭) and you’re sitting next to each other and hanamaki thinks he’s gonna combust because you’ve never been this close!! 🥺🥰

he can feel his hands getting sweaty already. hanamaki sneaks glances at you and tries to see what you’re doing on your phone LMFAO suddenly, the train lurches a bit and you slide from the inertia right into his side and then he can feel the warmth coming from your thighs, side and your shoulder are touching holy sh— 😭❤️😵👀💖 you look up to apologize as he takes a breath and you’re a little shy in your apology but he takes that chance to ask you about something mundane and he makes you laugh!!!! he thinks about the interaction for the next two weeks because he finally got to talk to you dhaskld ☺️🥺💕

kyoutani: when anyone raises their arms to stretch and their shirt gets lifted up slightly gym class—you’re doing timed runs today!! kyoutani is already finished with his so he’s just sitting off the side of the track, staring not-so-subtly at you but you don’t notice because it’s your turn next!! you’ve got the typical school mandated shorts and plain t-shirt on but kyou is all 👀 at your tastefully exposed skin. he thinks you look pretty with the sun hitting your face as you give a smile to your friend, squinting at the sun light 🥰

he’s just mindlessly staring at this point but then you raise your arms to stretch your triceps and the hem of your shirt rises up a little to expose the tiniest sliver of skin before it’s covered again 👁👁 his cheeks pink a little and you catch him looking LMFAO but you don’t think anything of it and just smile and wave as kyoutani burns bright red, heart battering against his ribs and looks away 😡🤡🥰💕 he saves it for future reference HURDURDUR 😇😛

ushijima: when a woman does that thing where she tucks her hair behind her ear while making direct eye contact ushijima is INTERESTED in you, likes you, is intrigued, would like to hold your hand and rub the back of your hand and feel the soft skin with his thumb—same thing 🥰 you’re talking to him about something for the cultural festival and he’s nodding along to what you’re saying because you’re so brilliant and responsible for working on the school festival committee wOW 🤩

time seems to move in slow motion as you look up him whilst tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. he zones in on the shy smile on your face, your cute cheeks, glossy lips and pretty eyes 🥺🥰 “ushijima-san?” “yes?” “what do you think?” “that’s a great idea, I will ask my team members for their input as well.” you nod exuberantly even though he has no idea what you’re talking about but your cute smile makes him all mushy on the inside 💖💕

semi: making eye contact with another customer at the grocery store around the same age it’s 2:11pm on a tuesday and semi’s at the grocery store because it’s summer and his mom was all “go to the store and buy these shimeji mushrooms for me, eita, they’re on sale!!! but only until 3pm so get skedaddling!” 😩 so he’s here and he swears housewives are the most powerful people on the planet because he thought he was gonna d-word just tryna get his discount mushrooms. he spots you in the condiments aisle looking at sesame oil and he gives you the up, down and lingers a little too long on your exposed legs 💀

he thinks you look really cute in your t-shirt and jean shorts though 🥰 when you look up and make eye contact with him and give him a little smile and wave he BLUSHES 🥺 and is right about to take the chance to talk to you but a granny hip checks him trying to get to the soybean paste and he almost trips and lands on his face 😔💔 so much for looking cool in front of you 😢🥺

tendou: having someone else play with your hair satori sees you on cleaning duty carrying the recycling to the bins as he finishes his runs around the school, about to make a turn to the gyms. he makes a beeline for you, calling your name with a bright smile on his face and waving his arms in the air. 🥰💞🥺

he bounds up to you and offers to help even though the bin is really light, cheeks warming at your smile 😊 when he takes the bin out of your hands , you wave your hand to get him to bend down. he complies, eyes widening when he feels your hand in his hair. he straightens up to see you holding onto a couple pieces of cherry blossom petals 🌸 he laughs bashfully; it feels like time has slowed and you’re the only two people in the world 💖💕

sakusa: if you’re on a pc/laptop, somebody leaning over your shoulder to look at the screen with you. the close proximity of your faces can feel awkwardly sexual you’re in the same kinesiology class and sakusa first noticed how GOOD your presentations are wtf and he’s even more impressed when he hears that you winged the whole thing because “i conveniently forgot about this until one in the morning when I decided it was a good time to reorganize your entire dorm room” ALSO you offered him hand cream the one time you caught him staring and against all reason he said yes and ever since he’s been dying to ask you where you got it from because HOLY was it nice 😍

you get paired up for the final pair presentation and he’s only become more interested in you! you’re easy to talk to and don’t pry too much and he finds himself oversharing at times 💀 the professor gives the class part of the lecture time to work on the projects so you’re sitting next to each other working when he asks you a question about the academic article he just found and you lean over his shoulder to look at his screen 👁👁 for anyone else, the close proximity of your faces would have grossed him out but he can’t stop thinking about how good you smell and how cute your ears look 👀🥰 when you tell him he’s found a really good source with an excited smile on your face, he BLUSHES and promptly wants to pass away because he has no mask on to cover him 🤡😭😵

sachiro: when you have a melting popsicle, there often comes a time where you must choose between eating it too quickly, or sucking it off so it doesn’t drip on you sachiro hums happily, holding your hand as the two of you walk home after your date and stopping at the convenience store where he buys the two of you popsicle sticks 😋

you’re talking about something funny you saw hoshiumi do in the class the other day when your popsicle drips onto you. you kitten lick at your hand and take the whole thing in your mouth to get rid of the more liquidy parts of your ice cream and sachiro is all 👁👄👁 he swallows thickly, cheeks warming and heart beating a little faster; why’s he suddenly so thirsty? 🥵💦🙈

gao: getting a strong whiff of somebody’s perfume when they pass you gao really wants to talk to you, like really really wants to talk to you 😖😭🙏 but you’re talking to your friends about something and the cute way you laughs and joke with them has him all 🥺🥰🤩

he’s about to walk up and join the conversation because let’s face it, gao isn’t afraid of much 🤧💀 too bad the teacher calls you back into the classroom about something. when you pass him, he gets a good whiff of your shampoo and his stomach flutters 😍😊🥺💕💖 follows you with sparkly eyes and wishes he made the choice to talk to you sooner 💔

futakuchi: bending over to pick up something you dropped kenji is watching (glaring) as you talk to one of the baseball team’s starting players 🤐 he’s so ticked but he doesn’t admit it like where does this guy get off making you laugh and smile like that wtf 😒🙄 luckily for kenji, the guy gets pulled away by the class rep for something so kenji calls your name to get you to look at him instead 😤

you come over and just as he’s about to stand up from his desk, he knocks over his eraser. you crouch down to pick it up and he finds himself really liking it 👁👁 he doesn’t get it either 🤡 like you aren’t bending and snapping—just folding your knees to get his eraser for him, but the way you tucked your hair behind your ear before you bent down so prettily has him ☺️😉🥵

terushima: when you’re eating and chatting with someone and they lick their lips yuuji pulled you away from your friends when it was time for lunch, wanting to spend more time with you one on one. he was so busy with volleyball and school lately 😞 and when he managed to get you to tell him how lonely you felt without him, he made it his mission to spend more time with you!!! 🥰😘💕

you’re eating together, sharing food and talking about everything and anything when he notices you lick your lips; he zones in on your little pink tongue as it swipes across your bottom lip 👁👁 “yuuji, you okay?” a hand on your cheek and suddenly, he’s kissing you. he tastes like the leftovers your mom packed you for lunch 🥰😋

[starsailorstories]

You’d think Lux, having worked in the service industry and being married to a major figure of a labor movement, would be someone who goes out of her way to be a model customer and not a problem. Unfortunately this is not the case, but she’s not, like, a Karen either obviously, she’s a terrifying third thing that made sense once a long time ago in a galaxy far far away

bc see, Lux was only part of like, the third batch of lux ever made. Cloned workers weren’t the norm in public facing jobs for like, 15 quinturns even in the Rings, who were the earliest adopters (bc they had to replace earlier brands of serfdom to industrialize). The majority of ordinary middle-and-lower-class people her age grew up with most service workers they encountered being members of their extended family bc they lived in single colony villages

So Lux, 67 qt old with a degree in Acting Like A Gotdang Person, still has the approach she learned from Bash and Dovi in the years following the mutiny and also just a bunch of relatively normal Old Person Who Has Lived A Tenuous Life habits like loading up her bag with anything free including stuff of no physical use to her like ketchup packets (it’s for the kids!) but also more egregious stuff like telling the checkout clerk that she should really tuck her shirt in honey and trying to haggle prices and just like. Trying to have a conversation with obviously busy humans. She’s always kind of misunderstood the time scale earthlings are operating on despite her best efforts and Rin panics slightly when her approach to pure-business phone calls (“let’s discuss the situation in detail for at least half an hour and probably longer”) moves into the outside world

They’re like “didn’t this kind of thing drive you crazy when you were doing public-facing jobs on the ship??” and she’s like nobody talked to me I was a technology. The least I can do is ask all my questions as if they know, because they do, and maybe see how their day’s going

Her intentions are very good. Her results cause a lot of problems. This is another of those things that’s a general theme with Lux

One of my recent trains of thought while working on the ol’ Books has been: after the events of the trilogy Lux does start leaving the house more which quickly leads to Rin and Mari realizing they can’t take her anywhere

[katyasrussianaccent]

you’re so golden (corpse x reader)

Summary: You’re a faceless youtuber that sings cover songs. What happens when a certain faceless streamer slides into your DMs after you cover one of his songs?

Authors note: Part 3 whoop! I havent written fic in 3 years so Im hoping this is okay. Its about 4000 words, super long, sorry. I also dont play Among Us, but hopefully its not too obvious. Lemme know what you think!

You're nervous, though you aren’t quite sure why. The kind of nervousness that spreads to your feet, causing you to tap your toes against the side of your sofa.

Call you in 15. 

You look at the message again, staring at it till the screen goes blurry. Rubbing your eyes you exhale into the emptiness of your apartment; a feeble attempt at calming yourself down.

Logically it’s stupid to be nervous over a phone call. Logically you know that in the grand scheme of the universe, there are bigger things at hand. But you’re not a logical person, never have been. You’re all heart and emotion, both a blessing and a curse. There’s something intimate about a phone call, to have nothing but someone’s voice on the other end of the phone, talking to you and only you. It was a little scary; to think your purely online friendship with Corpse was going to be taken to a different level. You’re excited to think what that could mean.

“Fucking get it together,” you mutter to no-one as you exhale again, because there’s nothing else to do other than to wait and try to breath. There’s this frantic energy about you; like when you eat fizzy sweets, the flavour buzzing on your tongue. Your ancestors used to hunt wolves and here you were nervous over a single phone call.

The silence in your apartment’s too much now; too noisy. You grab your TV remote, clicking onto Spotify to find something. You’re scrolling so much, none of the artists feeling quite right for the moment before settling on Sufjan Stevens.

The dulcet tones fill the space, and for a brief second, you feel fine. You’re feeling relaxed and then your phone lights up.

Incoming Facetime Audio

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck” you say. Your face feels warm, your heart quickens in your chest. You could just ignore it, say you’re not feeling too good and that would be that, you wouldn’t have to do this. But it’s Corpse, you like Corpse and you’re kind of friends.

You swipe to accept the call, and press the button for speaker. 

“Hey,” you say, cringing at the meek tone your voice has taken on.

“Hey,” Corpse’s deep voice rumbles through your tiny speaker, distorting slightly and you press the volume button to turn it down a little.

There’s a beat of silence, a beat too long, and you already hate how awkward this is. You’re not great at social stuff, the concept of being a social butterfly is almost foreign to you. And it’s not because you dislike people, it’s just you hate this; the small talk, the awkwardness before you get comfortable and can hold an actual conversation.

You suddenly remember a tip from your customer service days. “How are you?” you ask, plastering on a grin so wide that it must look borderline demented. Thank god you’re single. 

“I’m okay thanks, how are you?” he asks.

You lounge back against the soft cushions of the sofa, lifting the phone up to your mouth as you do so. “I’m good, excited to be taught by the Among Us master.”

He snorts in disdain. “Hardly a master.” 

You chew your lip before you speak again, “I dunno, people on the internet think you’re pretty good.”

He snorts again, and you smile at the sound. It’s not something you’ve heard from him before, through your hours of watching his streams, you’ve become accustomed to his voice and the noises he makes. But this one seems to be new. And maybe it’s the weird, selfish part of you that likes to think he’s only ever made that sound for you. You shake the thought out of your head, because really? Getting happy over a snort is really such a ridiculous thing to do. 

“People on the internet say a lot of things.”

“True, but sometimes they speak the truth,” you reply, moving to get more comfortable; tucking your feet under your thighs. You wonder what he’s doing right now as he talks to you, is he sitting down? Or is he lying on his bed; his head propped up with pillows? There’s a brief flash of yearning, of wanting to be there in the same room as him, but it disappears as quickly as it appeared so you ignore it.

“Hm. We’ll agree to disagree.”

“Okay, you’re the boss Mr Husband.”

He chuckles softly, and again, you smile. You can feel yourself getting annoyed with yourself; you’re acting like a child with a crush; smiling at the phone. All you needed now was a notebook that had Mrs YN Husband written all over it.

“You know if you keep calling me that, we’re gonna have to get married,” he says, his voice a little lower than it was before. You blink and cock your head to the side, looking at an imaginary camera like you’re in The Office. Did you say that out loud? Is he...flirting with you? Sure, you’re flirty over Twitter, but it’s Twitter, Twitter isn’t real. There’s a fluttery feeling in your stomach at the mere prospect that he might actually be flirting with you.

“I’d be the best wife you could ever get,” you shoot back. There’s a brief second of silence before he answers, and you can hear shuffling on the other end. You want to ask what he’s doing, but you know it would break the conversation, and you’re curious to see where this goes.

“Oh really? And why’s that?” he asks, and you can picture the smirk in his voice. You have no idea what he looks like, no real care about it either, but you bet he’s got a beautiful smile. You bite your tongue before it tells him this, for once your brain actually works and stops you from making a fool out of yourself. It’s incredibly strange, how quickly he puts you at ease without a try, he’s just so naturally comforting. He’s not this flashy persona, he’s just a guy who likes to play video games and happens to be kinda good at them. And also has a voice that is literally like chocolate. Not just chocolate; dark chocolate. If dark chocolate could talk, it would sound like Corpse.

“Cos your girl can cook,” you say proudly, puffing out your chest a little. And that’s not a lie, you can cook. Okay, you’re not a Michelin starred chef, but you feel quite confident in the fact that Gordon Ramsey could eat your food, and probably (hopefully) wouldn’t scream that it was “fucking raw”. 

“And what would you cook for me?” he asks. 

You hum in thought for a second. “You’ll have to marry me first to find that out.”

He laughs, a proper laugh that settles in your stomach, spreading warmth through your chest. “I’ll think about it. I can hear music, what are you listening to?”

You straighten up a little, the question catching you off guard. You bite the inside of your cheek as you look at the song that’s playing. It’s not his type of music, you’re almost positive about that. You almost don’t want to tell him out of embarrassment. You’re not sure why you feel embarrassed; you know Corpse isn’t an asshole, he wouldn’t make fun of you. But music is so personal to you, so personal, it’s like baring a piece of your soul; which sounds so fucking cliche, but it’s true.

“Uhhh...It’s called Make out in My Car by Sufjan Stevens,” you reply.

He hums in affirmation. “It sounds nice; from what I can hear.”

“I can turn it up?” you ask, leaning forward to grab the remote off the coffee table.

“You could always sing some for me,” he offers. 

You laugh a little, scrunching up your nose. “And why would I do that?”

“I thought you wanted to get married. You have to woo me,” he replies.

“Woo you?” you ask, your tone incredulous. This isn’t how you pictured the conversation going.

“Yeah. Woo me, yn.” he says, dragging out the “o” causing you to laugh again.

You sigh dramatically. “I haven’t warmed up or anything, it’s gonna sound so bad” you warn as you put the song to the beginning.

“I’m sure you sound great. Go ahead, woo me.” 

You shake your head as you softly sing. “I'm not trying to go to bed with you, I just wanna make out in my car. And though I'm dying to fall in love with you, I just wanna make out in my car”. You stop and you’re suddenly very aware that you have essentially just serenaded him. Good going, brain.

It’s silent for a beat too long, and the smile that graced your lips starts to fade as the embarrassment starts to set in. 

“Well now we definitely have to get married,” he affirms. And there’s that fluttery feeling again.

You swallow, moving the conversation swiftly onto Among Us. You grab your laptop that was next to you, humming in acknowledgement as he walks you through downloading it. 

“So there’s a few of us joining us tonight, it should be really fun.”

“Oh. It’s not just us two?” you ask. You focus on the download, watching the number increase. You’re nervous at the prospect of playing with other people, strangers, for the first time. 

“No, it’s a 4 player minimum. We’re going to stream as well.”

“Corpse…” you start. You begin to pick at the skin around your nails, a habit you do whenever you get really anxious. This was meant to just be a cute moment where you learnt how to play a game, not a big event where people would be actually watching you, judging your every move.

“We’re going to do a few games off stream with you, you don’t need to be there for the stream after if you don’t want to,” he interrupts. 

“Okay,” you trail off, your teeth biting down on your bottom lip. You feel a little better, but not by much. You didn’t know who the other people were, what if they hated you? You ask this out loud.

“I’ll be there. You know Rae and Sykkuno. Felix, Sean and Toast will be there but they’re super nice, I promise.” His voice is sincere, and it soothes you. You don’t know him, not really know him, but you trust Corpse. You know he has his own struggles, and you believe his promise; he wouldn’t screw you over or put you in a situation you were uncomfortable with.

The rest of the call is him taking you through how to play and how to set up something called Proximity Chat so everyone can talk to each other in the game. He says it’s easier once you actually play, and it doesn’t sound particularly hard quite honestly, you just hope you don’t get imposter on the first try because you’re not the greatest liar. 

The game screen pops up, and you type in the code that Corpse gives you. You say goodbye to Corpse, who tells you to text him if you need any help. You drop into the game lobby, and you look at the little astronaut. There’s no time to dwell as a cacophony of voices hits you.

“YN!” Rae screeches and you chuckle at her enthusiasm. You’ve known Rae for a few years now, you met at college and had become fast friends. Though you had many different interests - gaming for one, you considered her your best friend. Rae was the type of friend where you didn’t need to talk every single day, you could message her a week later and it would be like no time had passed at all. And you loved that, sometimes you just didn’t want to talk to anyone. Sometimes your mood wasn’t the best, and you needed a little time to recharge. And she understood that, something that you were eternally grateful for. 

“Raebies!” you screech back, using your “pet” name for her.

“I’ve been trying to get you to play forever. But Mr Smooth Operator over there slides into your DMs and suddenly you’re a gamer now?”

“It sounds so sordid when you say it like that,” you reply.

“Hi yn! Glad to see you playing with us,” Sykkuno says. You greet him and the others, making sure to say hi to everyone in the game. You didn’t want to start off by being accidentally rude. You listen as everyone talks amongst each other, and you talk when spoken to, but you aren’t interjecting. It wasn’t anything against the other players, it was just a little overwhelming, and you were figuring out what everyone was like.

“Hello,” Corpse’s voice interrupts your train of thought and you greet him along with everyone else. 

“Aw, I wanted purple,” you say, frowning at Corpse’s name above the astronaut.

“We can switch,” he replies.

“No it’s o -” you start to speak before you realise he’s already switched to white. “Thank you, you didn’t have to.” You smile as you switch to purple, and you decide to add a flower for a little pizzazz.

“It’s your first game, I’ll kill you if I get imposter so it’ll even out,” he jokes and everyone laughs. The countdown begins and you puff your cheeks out, exhaling as it gets to 1. You’re nervous again, a seemingly common theme of the night. Your shoulders relax as the word CREWMATE flashes across the screen.

You watch as everyone but Corpse disperses from the cafeteria with haste, and you look at the keyboard to press the buttons to move.

“You ever see an old person text? That’s how I’m picturing you right now,” Corpse says as you walk together to Weapons.

“Shut up Sonny,” you reply in your best old woman voice, getting a laugh. You open up the task, shooting the Asteroids with ease. “Yay, I completed a task!”

“Good job,” Corpse replies, and you beam at the praise. You move down to o2, doing your task while Corpse does his.

“Wait, you could be imposter right? How would I know?” you ask as you walk together to Navigation.

“You wouldn’t, you just have to trust me,” he says, his voice full of charm.

You scowl. “Well that just makes me not want to trust you.” 

Before he replies, there’s a blaring alarm. DEAD BODY REPORTED. You blink at the suddenness; you were really enjoying the relaxing pace of the game. You look at the screen;  Felix has been killed.

“Who found the body?” Corpse asks.

“I did,” Rae answers. “I was in admin, and was going to lower engine and it was there in storage.”

“If you were in admin, why didn’t you go up through Cafeteria?” Toast asks.

“Because it’s quicker to go through storage,” Rae replies. They argue between themselves, and you listen intently and silently. It’s a lot of information, you can’t tell whose lying, but you guess that’s what makes a good player.

“Where were you yn?” Sean quizzes, and it takes you a second to realise you’re being spoken to.

“Oh. I was in um o2?”

“You don’t sound too sure there, pretty sus,” he says. Your face heats up a little, you’re not the imposter, but it feels like you are.

“She was in o2 and then we went to Navigation,” Corpse answers, and you breathe out as he takes on the interrogation.

“Oh you were together?” Rae asks, and you know that tone she’s got. It’s the tone that says she’ll be messaging you right away.

“Well yeah, it’s her first game, I’m not gonna leave her alone,” he says and you smile at that. 

“Yeah we’ve been together the whole time,” you add and it’s left at that. No-one votes anyone out, since no-ones really too suspicious. You carry on the game, and you find yourself really enjoying it, though the questioning part is kind of stressful. You can see why Corpse likes it so much, it’s really fun. You’re in electrical, humming as you do your task when Rae comes next to you. 

“Hey,” you greet her.

“I’m sorry, nothing personal,” she replies. Before you have a chance to say a word, she kills you and you look on in shock as your ghost floats above your body.  You listen into the meeting as Rae continues to lie and plead her case. She’s good, but Corpse knows better.

“Wait, you said you found her in electrical and you were where?” 

“I was in Upper Engine, and then I went to electrical to do my task,” Rae answers, her voice even and calm.

“I was in Lower Engine, and I didn’t see you,” Corpse says, and you grin at the fact Rae’s been found out. That’s what she gets for killing you.

“You were doing your task, I passed right by you,” Rae starts. She pleads her case, but it’s too late and she’s voted out.

“That was so much fun!” you declare. “I can see why you guys play it all the time.”

“Yes! We have converted another!” Felix shouts in victory.

“And all it took was Corpse,” Rae mutters sarcastically.

“Don’t get bitter Rachel, just get better,” you reply, causing the group to laugh.

You get the hang of it after a few games, and find yourself agreeing to stay while the others stream, though you decide against it yourself. You’ve only streamed once by yourself, and it was a very casual affair and you don’t want to feel too much pressure while you enjoy yourself. You know that Corpse gets nervous when he streams and he’s been doing it for so much longer, so you can only imagine how nervous you would be.

You tap your fingernails against the keyboard as the lobby counts down, any previous nerves have been replaced with excitement. 

IMPOSTER flashes across. You’re the only one, your astronaut looks lonely on the screen by itself, and the red letters almost taunt you. 

“Shit,” you mutter as your brain goes into overdrive. What was it Corpse had said before? Not to be too obvious. You don’t kill immediately, instead going at your previous pace to not look too suspicious. You were still fairly new to the game, and you were going to use that to your advantage.

You fake your task in Cafeteria before venting over to Navigation where Toast was.

“Hi Toast!” you greet, coming to stand next to him as you pretend you’re doing the task. 

“Oh hey yn,” he says. It doesn’t seem like he suspects you, and you’re not quite sure when to click the Kill button. You do it anyway before running out and going down and into shields. There’s adrenaline running through you as the dead body’s reported and you crack your knuckles before putting on your game face. You were going to play dumb, play the confused newbie - because to them, that’s what you were. 

“YN, where were you?” Corpse asks. Fuck. Maybe you weren’t going to get away with this.

You twiddle your hair as you draw out your words, playing the role perfectly. “Uhm I was in...shields? I think that’s what it’s called. I was in the cafeteria before that though.”

“Wait, you couldn’t have, I was in weapons. I would have seen you,” Sykkuno says.

You open your mouth to talk. “She could have vented,” Felix comments, and the rest of the group starts to agree.

“Guys, I don’t even know what venting is. I literally just started playing,” you point out, giggling.

“That’s true,” Rae agrees and you knew there was a reason you loved her.

“Bullshit! She’s playing you with her “oh I don’t know how to play” schtick,” Felix proclaims.

“Aw, that’s kind of rude, Felix. I’m just enjoying the game, doing the tasks,” you say, pouting a little. He’s the next on your list. 

Everyone skips the vote and you lean over your laptop, ready for the next round. You were going to win this. You kill Rae and Toast next, and yet again, manage to worm your way out of any suspicion. You can sense that Corpse and Felix are starting to get suspicious of you, and you know you need to bring out the big guns to throw them off.

You catch Sykkuno in Med Bay after checking the cams in Security.

“Hi yn!” he greets, and you almost feel guilty as you kill him. He’s so sweet and innocent, but unfortunately, casualties are a given. You pass Felix as he comes out of reactor and it’s only a matter of time before you’ll have to talk your way out of this one again.

“I passed yn as I came out of reactor,” Felix shouts with a hint of glee.

You roll your eyes; this is going to be tough. “Yeah I came from Upper Engine, I was finishing part 2 of a task.��

“I was in Electrical, where was the body?” Corpse asks.

“Med Bay. And the only one that could’ve been there was yn,” Felix starts.

“Well no, you could have passed me and killed Sykkuno then self reported,” you reply. “I think you can do that right?” 

Corpse hums in agreement. “Oh come on! She’s being really sus,” Felix argues.

“You are being a little sus yn,” Corpse comments.

“Corpse. You don’t really think it’s me do you?” You decide to lower your voice a little, your tone sweet but sultry. “You only taught me like an hour ago, there’s no way I’d be able to fool everybody so quickly.” You get close to the mic so it’s like you’re speaking only to Corpse. “Remember what I said? You’re a master at this.” You’re laying it on thick, and for a brief second you think you’ve been too over the top.

“This is difficult,” Corpse says, and you see the seconds count down, your heartbeat starts to quicken.

“Corpse, stop being a fucking simp and vote her out!” Felix demands.

“Corpsie baby,” you drawl out and you smile in success as you hear him sigh, almost shakily. You’ve got this in the bag. The victory screen flashes up and you cheer.

“Fuck yeah!” you shout, patting yourself on the back. You laugh as you exhale the breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Good game yn!” Sykkuno comments, the others agreeing.

“Not fair, you used your womanly wiles against Corpse,” Felix says.

“Gotta use them for something. Not my fault Corpse knows where his allegiance lies,” you reply laughing a little.

You stretch, your back crying out in pain from being hunched over so long. You let out a long, loud moan of relief as you straighten your spine, your shoulders relaxing as you move from side to side.

“Your mic’s not muted” Corpse points out, clearing his throat. You feel your stomach drop and your face instantly becomes hot. Shit. 

“Oh. Uh. I totally forgot about that,” you say, forcing out a chuckle. You screw your eyes shut, any happiness has been now replaced by red hot shame. “So this was fun, uh, really fun, but um, I’m gonna, I’m gonna go. So...yeah. Bye guys, have fun!” 

You click to exit without giving anyone a chance to say a word, and drop your head into your hands. 

“Can’t wait to see what they say on Twitter about this,” you mutter into your hands.

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