#part of me feels it wont work anyway because its the world that makes me feel this way

[lesbiradshaw]

once again thinking about how so much of s6 liam and theo’s relationship is about theo choosing to do the dirty work so liam doesn’t have to. he went from trying to harness liam’s anger for his own gain to trying to help him get it under control— and even in triggers when he does intentionally piss liam off so they can fight to cause a distraction, he keeps liam from killing nolan right after. he tries to comfort liam (in his own Extremely Emotionally Stunted way) during the car ride home by pointing out how hard he tried to avoid hurting him. he does it again in the locker room, telling liam he’s making progress by not killing gabe— right before stepping forward and smashing gabe’s face right back into that mirror for himself to get the information they need. theo throws himself at the ghost riders as bait because he knows liam, despite his harsh promises, is too good of a person to do it himself. he pulls liam into the sheriff station bathroom and reality checks him about saving his friends and himself (also in the most Emotionally Stunted way possible) because he knows liam is sometimes blinded by his own idealism. he pushes liam ahead of him at the hospital and takes bullets meant for them both.

for someone who claims to relish in his own selfishness, theo time and time again shows that he’d rather get blood on his hands as long as it keeps liam from having to get it on himself.

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.

vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍

[doctorwhoisadhd]

there's a certain quality the harmonies of like... early to mid 2000s alt rock has. which i am obsessed with... like i wanna do that. i NEED to figure out how to write harmonies that sound like that

[chipped-chimera]

I am ... Idk man. I'm pissed. I'm sad. I'm angry. So the Green Neon Tetras I got absolutely came down with ich and there was so much fucking conflicting information out there ... well it delayed me treating it. Heck I was trying to just be sure I was seeing what I was seeing at first.

Anyway I've lost 3. I think it might be 4 this morning. By tomorrow I suspect it'll be two more. If any manage to scrape through it'll be down to 4. If I'm lucky.

Everyone else (Corycats, Starlight Bristlenose) are fine. Though the Corycats show some signs of being itchy, nothing's become visible and they were on the tank the day I started treatment. Yeah I know, quarantine tank yadda yadda. But considering a 100ml bottle of medication costs 40 bucks and I need to use it for 14 days minimum at 4.5 mL a day - no way was I doing two tanks. It's likely I'm going to run out soon and money is tight since this decided to happen right around me replacing my HDD.

I cried when the first one died. Now I just feel ... numb. My mood has been awful, which isn't looking great for my very expensive rTMS treatment - I'm literally at halfway today. I should have seen results. Instead I'm bouncing between hating myself and angry at everything else because information is so diluted and despite researching this tank for over three months straight, trying so goddamn hard not to fuck up - I fucked up. I know I shouldn't blame myself, but a part of me deep down does. Because maybe I was too stupid to realise on such tiny fish the situation was only going to get worse faster. Then I'm angry I feel stupid because the information isn't clear, or that I feel stupid for crying over a fish because that's what normal people think. I hate how everything is really affordable but then medicines are so prohibitive it'd be more cost effective to let them all fucking die. I hate how people regard fish as objects, decorations for their goddamn bathroom or some kind of 'investment' for rarer varieties, swimming in sterile tanks like their a goddamn floating gold bar - not a life. A living, breathing, thinking little life. That I let down. So yeah I'll fucking cry because no one else will.

This tank was supposed to be a source of relief while I went through this intense treatment but now it's just a trigger for me ruminating over and over. I worry with the tetra population so depleted it's going to cause them more stress making them more likely to die. I'm scared to do water changes, though I need to keep doing them.

I'm angry this parasite is so common it's considered to be encountered by anyone new to the hobby within 6 months, because it takes no prisoners - any kind of fish can get it. I'm angry research only revealed the possibility of a vaccine a few years ago, despite fish being the most owned pet globally. I'm angry the reputable, best aquarium shop in my entire city had tetra carrying this and there's jack shit I can do. I don't know whether to tell them or not even bother. Given the entire shop runs on what I suspect are the same sumps, it's likely everything has the risk.

Maybe I'm just stupid and this is all my fault.

I'll keep trying. I'll buy another 40 dollar bottle and treat them for the 14 days and aone more week just in case. I put too much work into this to give up.

[radiotorn]

having to restrain from saying anything when my dad dares to say that men get paid LESS than women. in what world. are you out of your fucking mind old man.

[the-s1lly-corner]

I’ve read through some of your old posts and I gotta say…I love me some angst. May I kindly, pretty please with a plastic cherry on top, ask for TADC gang with an S/O who abstracted a while back, but then they ‘respawn’ one day with a glitch affect about them, and their memory was totally wiped? Like it was their first day in the digital world? The glitch affect doesn’t hurt them or anyone like what happened to Ragetha and Pomni btw.

TADC cast x mended!reader

so funny story i was about to sit down and work on this about 4 hours ago but then my parents said they were going to watch the fnaf movie in the garage and i literally dropped everything and watched it so uh uh. the reason the grind stopped was because of fnaf movie and now im kinda tempted to pick up my fnaf fic again anyways! i did a similar post, here! jax and caines parts here will be short, really only focusing on the glitch aspect for them in this post, since the other half has already been written!

CAINE:

just got flashed with an image but you know that scene where the iron giant is trying to pick the boy up but hes like limp or something and the giant pulls back (ive never watched iron giant i just know this clip from a meme) i think it would be like that if he tried to poof your glitching away; but like. in an emotional way, if that makes sense. like its the same kind of carefulness and worry, i think... bonus if he does more damage than not

JAX:

honestly a little too scared to even touch you out of the deep seeded fear of getting all glitchy as well. like he knows it wont spread to him, but you know...

POMNI:

similar to jax i think she would instinctively avoid touching you even though she knows its fine... the whole hand thing making her overly cautious for future scenarios, you know? i think she would slip up and accidentally bring up something you and her did before you abstracted, or call you an endearing name before abruptly stopping herself and trailing off, sad stuff. grief makes her tear between wanting to find an exit faster and trying to make you remember/stay for you

RAGATHA:

poor girl :( i think she would genuinely try to make an effort to re/befriend you and try not to have her hopes too high for the two of you to get back together. if you hear about your past relationship and want to learn more about it, shell tell you what you want to know, but i doubt she would instantly start dating you again if you suggest the two of you trying to give the relationship a second shot... i think that would need some time

KINGER:

bro is gonna be going through it, first he loses his possible wife to abstraction and now he lost you.. got you back, but you dont remember anything. on top of that you look.. off.. sure it doesnt hurt you but it still looks like it would be uncomfortable, even if it isnt

stuck between longing to rekindle your old relationship and letting you go in order to allow himself to process this grief; the third option is potential abstraction for himself

ZOOBLE:

tries not to care. they want to forget everything like you did, they were finally starting to be normal after your abstraction. but now your back in a clean slate, mind wiped and memories gone. how does someone cope with that? as much as it hurts them they think it would be best for them to pretend you were a stranger again

GANGLE:

saying it again, poor girl. mix of pomni and ragatha here i think, like she keeps messing up and verbally reminiscing before realizing you cant relate to what shes saying anymore. will tell you anything you want to know about the past, but i think it would take a lot longer for her to consider getting with you again than ragatha. for both its kind of a "i dont want them to feel obligated to try because we were together once" type deal

[calebwittebane]

i had a dream id gotten conned into becoming a god and proceeded to try and design a world without suffering or pain. i really really struggled with this one. no matter what i did, it seemed like bouncing between endless suffering and highly sheltered sensory deprivation state with all functions for every person reduced to a minimum. eventually the author--it turned out i was in a fictional work, and the author was a sneering cynical asshole who enjoyed seeing me suffer--started mocking me, saying that a real demiurge really in control of things through unlimited possibilities wouldve figured that out, but i'm just a loser who spent a long time being human and therefore my mind has very human limitations. i started arguing with the author, saying that theyd written me this way and have no right to mock me, that despite this attitude they have this clearly is some form of venting theyre doing through art, and they need to take something seriously for once. my limitations are simply a reflection of theirs, and their mockery is their pained wailing in disguise. they were like well i dont like your attitude so because youve decided to be a little bitch about it i will now punish you by making you experience every death that ever happened to anyone and WILL have happened to anyone. so i did. it was awful. the prophetic visions of what sort of carnage famine disease and freak accidents the future has in store for humanity, they were almost as bad as the historical part. reminder: i feel pain in my dreams. anyway once that was done, and it did in fact feel to me like actual centuries were passing, actual centuries of nothing but agony, i told the author they were a vindictive bitch, incapable of comprehending the suffering theyre inflicting. if they ever felt even a fraction of what they dish out without much thought, they would curl up and cry and never do anything again. they told me i just objected to the way i'd sculpted my own consciousness. that to be a human, advanced and philosophy oriented as we are with our proportionally large complex brains, is to reject all inevitability as barbaric. i said that was stupid--humans are still, despite our unique traits, simply part of the animal kingdom, and more broadly made of the same matter as the rest of the universe, a continuous lattice of reactions among many other, a sustained chain that hasn't stopped since the very first instance of reproduction occurred between two organisms. the author just favors the human perspective because theyre biased and write what they know.

then the author felt like doing something petty once more so they decided to put me in a situation where im trying to buy art supplies but my dad is also there undermining everything i say. i said: this wont get to me--author, it seems you dont know me all that well, for buying art supplies was indeed one of the only type of occasion where my dad Would just let me do what i needed to do and would more or less trust i knew what i was doing. the author laughed and said, and yet you were able to summon a version of events where he does act poorly in this context. how cruel and unfair of you, to imagine something so uncharitable. how can you be sure of anything you remember? and i was going to give a reply but things around me started glitching out. people got spaghettified and turned into like. ok imagine a coral reef but its people.

i think i mustve argued with the author about some technical accuracy in their depictions of trains? i got to experience some train crashes as punishment

so yeah im awake now and i dont feel like ive gotten a lot of rest considering i just escaped time prison

[taintedtort]

hey hey hey~y guess who again?you made it perfectly clear with how happy you are and it makes me even happier that you reacted that way!ehe~e.

i promise i will wait for every one of your works, but i suddenly got an idea while reading one of your works!one about sleeping headcanons.and the idea is, maybe you will be interested to write how reader and characters do each others hairs?like, reader making a character some sort of hairstyle/adding accesory to them and character does so in return.hope my description makes any sense.and as for characters, with Aether, Albedo, Ayaka and Shenhe???

and if its hard to write this request for you, then dont worry!but can you imagine how nice it would be to braid Aether's hairs???and Ayaka being separeted from worlds simplest pleasures certainly deserves little "girl time".no???also i wish you goodest of lucks!

- 🦊 anon

prompt ✧ doing their hair

characters ✧ aether, shenhe, ayaka, xiao, kazuha, wanderer

warnings ✧ gn!reader, none!

a/n ✧ hello again! i added a few more characters if that’s alr? (i also saw your sweet words in my inbox, thank you) ALSO ALSO i’m writing a part 2 for them doing your hair so if you wanna look for that it’ll be up a few days after this

AETHER

✧ he loves letting you do his hair. honestly his arms get tired after a while because it’s so long, but when you do it he just gets to sit back and relax. he wont ask you to do it first, but if you insist you want to he‘ll let you. doesn’t mind going out of his usual hairstyle either, he just lets you play around with it. do whatever you want: high ponytail, claw clip, flowers, colorful clips, etc.

"you want to do my hair? sure, why not."

SHENHE

✧ her hair is very long and sometimes she doesn’t feel like managing it, so that’s where you come in. you gladly offer to brush out and rebraid her hair. she wouldn’t stray far from her original hairstyle, but she may let you do something different with it— no guarantee she‘ll wear it out though. not a fan of clips, her hair is too thick for them anyway. she does very much enjoy your fingers running across her scalp though.

"you’ll brush my hair for me? if you insist."

AYAKA

✧ she thought she wouldn’t like it at first because ayato used to do her hair when they were younger, but she soon figured out that was because he wasn’t gentle. your fingers carefully swept through her hair while pulling it up in her usual ponytail. she ended up closing her eyes without even realizing. when you finished you could tell she was disappointed, so you just continued to play with it. she sat there feeling like she was in heaven. you end up having to do her hair at least once a week.

"would you mind playing with my hair again? please."

XIAO

✧ was reluctant at first. his hair is short so he doesn’t bother doing anything with it and he doesn’t understand why you would want to play with it. you’d have to explain that you think his hair is super soft and that’d it’d be relaxing for him before he agrees. once he feels your nails run across his scalp he’s down. instantly melts against you and might doze off. that gives you the chance to put cute clips in his hair that he’d normally never let you do.

"you think it’s soft? really?"

KAZUHA

✧ he was happy you asked! he had no problem with you putting his hair in braids or adding colorful accessories, he was just glad you were having fun. he wouldn’t get embarrassed when you’d finish one hairstyle before pulling back and snickering a little before starting another. he liked that he was able to make you laugh, even if it was because he looked silly. he’d sit and talk to you, or listen to you talk, and it would overall just be a cute activity.

"having fun?"

WANDERER

✧ you’d have to time your approach right in order for him to let you anywhere near his hair. honestly it was better to not even ask, just run your fingers through his hair after he gets home and flops next to you with a huge, tired sigh. because he’s so tired, the sensation feels heavenly and he’d let himself indulge. if you started tugging at it like you were putting it in a ponytail, he’d pull your hand off, so you have to resist your urges. but i think if you beg enough while he’s in a good mood, he‘ll let you do something with it.

"fine! do as you please. archons, you’re so needy."

[fictionfixations]

tamashina-mina event (aka the sunset savanna jp event)

so anyway because i cant read jp (the translated vid is in parts so thats why im posting multiple links)

leona brushes it off but

so LISTEN. The chamberlain whatever his name is isn't happy with Leona for not putting his intelligence to help the country

but when he DOES provide an idea (aka actually mining the mineral resources) its shrugged off because they're all for being with nature

so what im understanding is leona is proposing to actually make use of what the land has to, yes, make a profit, but also it could help with all loads of things? like spreading water to be a little more easily obtainable once having the funds to idk throw away money for the good of the people (i mean. they're already rich aren't they? i don't really get it but also the world runs on money. i dont know if there are any benefits to it just sitting there, or if there are cons to digging them out or not but leona seems very passionate about it.)

but so its like this then

where if its not modernized then people will just. not live modernized. and i get that ig, wanting to live with nature (well not really but i mean its all down to preference isnt it? which im not an outdoor person so uh)

maybe it'll make more sense in the EN version (whenever it comes). or maybe i need someone to dumb it down to me like im 5.

but anyway you see my point right?? Leona provides an idea (is very invested in it) that goes to the good of the kingdom (making more profit but its also like they dont have to mine ALL of it he at least just wants them to make use of it at least instead of not even touching it)

and then it gets shot down because. basically. tradition. ???

anyway heres my idea: if someone like Ruggie Bucchi can exist (i mean as in someone born in a poor environment) in the Sunset Savanna, then clearly there can still be something done to keep people healthy and in comfortable situations without compromising idk the beauty of also being able to live with nature at the same time? to help make it a bit more convenient in the process at least? (like there could be a system that brings them water, but it could still be in a well so they can still do that process by hand, there will just be more water so they dont have to worry about idk running out? i dont know how wells work but i imagine they can run out eventually)

and if anyones like 'oh but we wont make a profit' then propose ANOTHER way we can make big income. aka MINING the MINERAL resources so it could be like nothing even changed or that we might be even making more than we usually are (but also probably supervised so they cant take advantage and just i mean get rid of the entirety of it? cause. its.. important right? so some but not all.)

maybe i just dont understand this, maybe im biased towards leona who knows, but i kind of also feel like its dumb to just brush it off. and i mean who knows maybe hes proposed it many times before, maybe hes shown them so many ideas and proofs and proposals related but they mightve been flawed in some way i dont know and thats why they refuse. who knows. it just rubs me the wrong way

its also kind of related to people brushing off leona just as being lazy and stuff like that (also did you know he only failed ONE year? he joined NRC a year late) but leona isnt really doing anything to try to change peoples perceptions of him because 'thats what they think of me, why should i bother?' like people hating on him for being [something something] compared to falena so then just. takes that in and is like 'okay so people think of me this way. if thats how they view me, then whatever.' hes still very competitive and all that stuff but theres also apathy in 'people will think whatever they want of me, why should i even try to change it?' (and hes probably heard all kinds of things at a young age that really stuck with him and shaped who he was. which goes from being really hurt by it to not even caring about peoples opinions anymore. dont get me wrong it can still affect him because the part of him that got hurt by it the first time is still there but yknow)

but so then the chamberlain is like 'why dont you use your smarts for the country'

and leonas just like

THEN SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NOT SAY SUCH THINGS??? (you knew him as a kid surely you could do something) like. theres. just. such an utter lack of trying to convince him otherwise. and i guess to him it would sound so fake so he might not be convinced at all. but then if you stop trying at all then he'll think that he was right in what he thought people thought of him and wont try to correct anyone. or in fact will correct anyone if they think positively of him.

i mean theres also not wanting to say it in front of other people. but. listen. if youre afraid of what the people think then it will affect the other negatively.

like for example if you try not to do lovey-dovey stuff in public then your lover will naturally feel like youre just trying to hide them away. or that you might feel ashamed.

so if the chamberlain tries to convince him when they're in private but in public he doesnt. then you can see what kind of conclusion leona would come to, right?

its kind of a tough situation because i honestly dont know what youd do in that situation. its just. i feel like they could communicate better. that there could be things to be done and it just frustrates me.

yes he does go on to say that leona is strong

and that he believes in him basically but

it just. doesnt feel like enough. and it could definitely be on leona for also not being willing to listen so hh. and i also get the chamberlain has a lot of responsibility so he cant just be there all the time and everything hfeuishfdi

[irrigos]

been thinking about motr again (as is my wont) and i think one of my complaints about it is that i think it's kind of weird that no one is antisemitic??

not that im like. "boo i wish there was more bigotry in the world!!" or smth lmao. it's just that it feels like maybe there was supposed to be some but then they chickened out

like. archie is accused of murdering david, and we know immediately that he didnt do it because he's our friend (and also thats just how stories work.) but i still dont understand why everyone else is so convinced he did it, when they never bother to give him a motive

when I heard the pitch for motr, I had assumed the motive would be bigotry. even if archie himself isnt antisemitic, it would make sense for Harjit or David or anyone who thinks archie did it to at some point go "well the victim was a marginalized person, so we just assume the motive was bigotry" but no one ever says that, even as just. a possibility?? but they ALSO dont have a different, stronger motive for Archie to have done it?? if Archie and David had some sort of enmity, this probably wouldn't be a problem at all, but since they dont have anything, it really feels like the only possible motive would have been prejudice, and yet no one will ever say it, even as a possibility that gets refuted

it just seems really weird to me!! ive posted before about how i understand why FBG writes stuff the way they do (writing period-accurate bigotry isnt like. fun. and also i dont think it would be commercially successful, especially if you want to court an audience of non-bigots) but it just kinda. lacked some verisimilitude for me on this one, especially because they made such a big thing about how much research they were doing and how they were consulting experts so they could write their first explicitly Jewish characters in the universe?? like... did you guys just. forget. why did you even bother researching that much when it's never really part of the story?

(also, my incredibly minor complaint is that i think its a missed opportunity to not have one of the Landaus comment on how golems are real apparently. like sure i guess they never actually cross paths with Moss but. yknow... cmon)

anyway this is also just kind of a matter of taste, because i know that bigotry free fantasty worlds are very popular with some people, and i definitely get the appeal!!! it just does very little for me, especially in what is technically a period piece. for me personally, it doesnt hit as like "oh cool a fun fantasy world that im welcome in :3" it just comes across (TO ME) as. very fake

.... but actually now that ive written the whole post, i think the real problem is that they forgot to give archie even a POSSIBLE motive, but also wouldnt suggest, even as a possibility that gets refuted, the most obvious motive, which wouldn't even require them to change any of the story beats at ALL. its just a really weird writing decision and i don't get it

[fruttymoment]

Whoa linux user

Do you have a guide on how to switch to it? I have zero coding knowledge (i think that's required) and I trust you with my life

I perfectly understand the "linux is scary and requires very big brain and coding its too hard to use!" thought coming from a Windows/Mac guy, i really do! But in the end, a linux distro is just a computer kernel that also has a desktop environment and just does what you want it to do like an operating system

Coding on linux is not required. Linux has so many distros at this point that designed to be beginner friendly, requiring "no knowledge but TO gain knowledge while using it"

The linux terminal is the thing that scares most of the users, but trust me once you get used to it you'll realize how efficent it is to operate your computer and do certain tasks from THE terminal instead! In the end, the cold looking white text with black background terminals are the REAL face of computers. Desktop environment is made so EVERYONE can use computers!

The terminal of gnu/linux uses the bash language. In a nutshell, it is pretty easy to learn basic commands actually!

Super beginner friendly linux distros are designed for people (YOUU) who has no experience whatsoever with linux! They are designed and engineered so you dont have to use the terminal much! For example, Linux Mint is the best distro you should start with. It looks and feels like Windows, even! And Mint does not require much terminal usage. That is also their mission, to make an linux distro friendly enough that no terminal usage is needed!

As easy as this sounds, i actually do not recommend staying this far away from the linux terminal. Please start with Linux Mint if you gonna, its just the best for beginners, but also please dont avoid the terminal much! The linux terminal is important to learn because it also teaches you how a computer really works, and certain operations are much more efficent to do via terminal anyway!

Push yourself to interact with the terminal, even. Learn very basic commands like "shutdown now" , and the "sudo" privilege and how it works (linux always asks your password while doing stuff and you also cant do muc without the sudo privileges!)

"sudo" is the command that gives you the REAL admin privileges to do ANYTHING. With your password and sudo, you can even delete your bootloader lol. Linux wont stop you

This means to be extremely careful while using sudo, though! You can do ANYTHING with sudo privileges, and that also contains accidently trashing your computer! Unlike Windows, that doesnt even let you uninstall Edge, linux has no boundries. Its like "we are gonna assume you know what you are doing."

Of course, friendly distros DO warn you on certain stuff, so dont worry too much!

So ye. U can use linux with no coding knowledge, but i dont recommend staying like that. After starting to use linux, you GOTTA let it teach you stuff!

And to the "switching to linux for the first time" part;

I recommend not deleting your main Windows, actually. For first time using linux i heavily recommend the "dual booting" , which simply means booting operating systems more than one in an computer! You can use BOTH linux and windows in thay way! Although, you need to shudown your pc if you want to switch between them and do it in the booting menu

This is because if something goes wrong, or you get very confused, just let Windows be ready in there. Only make the switch the moment when you feel you can operate linux with no issues and easily!

Dual booting basically slices your disk and creates partitions for operating systems. For example if you have an 512GB SSD, in dual booting you can slice it and make Windows use 256GB and Linux use 256GB too! Ofc u can change the numbers here (linux mimt will help u,.)

Before completely switching to linux; be aware that its a bit of a different world. Sure, very popular softwares exists in linux too but some softwares may not suppor linux. Adobe products dont support linux, for example! You can of course just emulate them with Wine software heh, but that would be a bit of a work!

Another problem will be certain online games. Online games does not like linux becuse how easy it is to manipulate the system, so they just either dont run on linux or they ban/kick you when you try to emulate it on linux

An example is Valorant. Valorant does not tun on linux!

And any online game that has a cheap anticheat system will be a problem!

With that being said, linux now supports every single game from Steam, with the Proton software. Just be careful about them online ones! If an online game natively supports linux (TF2, for example!) , it wont be a problem! Check the steam game's info thingy for it!

Oh and official Minecraft works in linux lol

Discord, Spotify etc. popular softwares also work on linux!

Linux in fact has an "app manager" software in their distros, making you install stuff with no terminal whatsoever! Think like Google Play Store but on le pc!

Anyways hehe thats it fo me bascallya! If u wanna switch to linux with no experience, start with the Linux Mint distro i say and explore it well! Tamper everything before fully installing it, dont worry about it! Linux is free. Linux does not care if you want to kill the entire system, even. Linux is freedom

Also please research the dual booting! You'll gonna be needing an 4GB+ USB for it, and a software like Rufus!

The site of Linux Mint has everything you need in detail, step by step ^^ good luck!

[popstart]

What ship/romantic relationship(s) would you think would be long-term/till death do us part type (if u have one of those)

the vast majority of total drama relationships are bleak as all hell and most definitely not long term, but that doesnt mean all lol

I imagine most ships with bridgette working out and "canonically" speaking (terry said on twitter) bridgette and geoff stay together. I see it. The time between action and wt was a fluke, world tour was a fluke, they get past it and love eachother and everythings ok.

Also now that im thinking about it i see rajbow lasting a long time bc theyre like. the domestic couple of all time. Bowie being raj's first gay crush does very little to make me seriously think they would break up. Ive known people who marry their highschool sweethearts/ the first person they date. its happened.

anyways thats it for canon relationships which people tend to agree with

as for ships, i see any bffs types lasting a long time. I think nowen is the best example of this. I cant think of anything they would realistically have enough conflict over to break up over lol

I guess still sailing on the bridgette express you could say bridgney. which. Also falls into the bff category. Im working with what i like here which is either doomed and tragic or actual bffls. Anyways similar situation to nowen i cant think of something that would realistically cause them to break up. The person that forever ago said courtney would be upset enough with bridgette to stop being her friend over her cheating on geoff was WRONG. they work everything out. live happily ever after. etc. etc.

As for couples that i think would decidedly NOT work out for one reason or another because i think that is also a fun question ill put them under the cut

I wont list every single god damn couple of all time because like i said, the vast majority of td relationships and ships are BLEAKKKK i will just say the ones that stick out to me or the ones that people seem to have different opinions on. I just wanna talk about this

Feels weird to put ripaxel here bc theyre essentially the same as bridgeoff but the difference between bridgeoff and ripaxel is 1) development time, 2) what development we see/dont see, and 3) time we've seen them together. We see bridgette and geoff courting for an entire season then at the end of the season we see the culmination of that and see theyre in a relationship. We dont ever really see them confess to eachother which means any damn thing could have happened in that time. Ripaxel though court for like 4 episodes and we see rippers confession and it is very bare bones. Bridgeoff last at the very least 3 years (if the rr ages are to be treated as canon) while ripaxel last….. a season. and we've seen essentially nothing from them. Anyways thats my 'why bridgeoff and ripaxel are different' thesis.

people seem to have it in their heads that gwourtney is a bffs type of ship and. You could not be more wrong SORRY. Ive said it before but if all stars is supposedly so bad at characterizing, whyyy is gwourtney the random exception. People that dont like the ship reasonably point out that their weird honeymoon phase in AS is not in character, and i wouldnt say its not entirely in character, but its certainly not what the ship is like long term. I dont necessarily think theyre doomed, I do however think it would take a truckload of working things out which is a coinflip of if gwen would be willing to go through that.

Ok moving on, heathney is most definitely doomed from the start. Ik this is my brand and i should have faith in them i just. Do not. I feel like if they met at an older age when they've both worked on themselves and mellowed out it could work, but I feel like they require such different things in relationships it would take. So Much Talking that the two of them would rather die than initiate. Heather very much shies away from physical contact and general loveydoveyness (all stars finale exempt which i have decided in my mind was them being annoying on purpose to fuck with chris) while courtney is fucking constantly initiating that shit (insert compilation of every time she rams her face into duncans). she is so CLINGY. anyways they would totally fight over their very conflicting ideas of what affection is like, nevermind the way they would actually get together would be infinitely fucked up in every single way. literally in every universe theyre fucked up and there is nothing i can do to save them i just sit back and watch.

im trying not to take the easy route and just list every single courtney ship but its so god damn easy shes so fucked up. every single relationship she has is fucked up, its time to talk about duncney. not even considering the fact they canonically break up in the show like 3 times, it was bound to happen eventually off screen/ after the events of total drama. Like, even if duncan never cheated on her, courtney was an awful fucking girlfriend LMAO. they were never gonna work it out since that is just Not how the two of them roll. At all. theyre both so emotionally closed off and distant that theyd have to go to so so so much couples therapy that neither of them would ever agree to to work it out. As is the case with all of these, i feel it could work out when theyve worked on themselves as adults, but the chances are slim. I think their time in island together was very honeymoon-phase-ish and if ISLAND is their honeymoon phase that really speaks of how bad their relationship can get.

[mokadevs]

Recently finished fgo’s olympus so here are some bleary unorganized thoughts on it and my frustrations before i drift off to sleep

i think my biggest problem with olympus is that it over promises.

I think that the set up is amazing. Not referring to atlantis, though atlantis was great as everyone and their mother has said, but the whole sequence of a) entering olympus and b) exploring olympus is incredible. I think its one of the peak examples of fgo constantly being able to make you feel like their are Actual stakes in the narrative despite you as a player knowing that the tree will inevitably be cut and you’ll see the cosmos denied screen flash by again. Running through the city

Hell, Demeter’s entire entrance was bone chilling. I think she has the best mech design of the olympus gods in my biased opinion, and seeing her drop down before the animated screech she lets out that destroys the city was incredible. Truly the first time i saw it i went Holy Shit.

Then… i wont say the lostbelt flops after that but there were a few key areas that it left me wanting.

Personal preference out of the way, ill say the constant deus ex machinas - whether it be for the good guys or the bad guys (if the bad guy has a deus ex machina, is it called that?? Anyway) - started to get a little irritating after a while. The stakes were so, so high at the start, and demeters victory felt so barely clawed for with so many bits and pieces coming together that certain other fights felt like. “Well, okay then.” The twins revealing caligula and then saying “we didnt wanna say we had him for dramatic effect!” was really eye roll worthy, for example, and to be honest i dont really understand how we were able to shmoove our way out of aphrodites mind control hellscape, which was annoying after again i loved demeters fight So much

ill note there that these are things that didnt work for ME, in MY OPINION im sure other people feel other ways about it and i am happy for them for it :]

I think that parts of the lostbelt felt… rushed, and i didnt feel like the power scaling of chaldea matched narratively. With how much trouble we had for a single fighter at the start, i felt like in universe things got too easy with too little justification.

I was really disappointed with dioscuris writing, and also weirded out by the fact that there were twin humans and twin gods but very little was drawn about their connection…?? I was so certain that they would have some sort of relationship, or at least a cool narrative foil, but all we got was the twin humans hating the dioscuri because they killed their friends, and a cheap line about adele criticizing the girl twin for always following what her brother said.

I feel mixed about chaos, because in the moment i was emotionally moved but in retrospect it feels like a bit of a cheap non-foreshadowed reason for musashi to die epicly. Though maybe it was foreshadowed and i missed it; ill have to reread, but for now it just feels Too out of the blue to feel good.

But i think the thing that i think i disliked the most was “actually zeus was going to fuck off in the end and abandon the humans here letting them die so this lostbelt was evil from the start and gudako is objevtively right for this”

And like. Thats so AGGRAVATING for the lostbelt that was drummed up to be the one that would give us the most trouble, the lostbelt that was supposed to be the model one.

What i really wanted out of this lostbelt was a lostbelt that was objectively better than earth. That really? The only reason we could justify destroying it was for our own survival. Not because the lostbelt was in some way flawed, but because we have no other choice. With how sickly killing the first lostbelt felt, i really wanted lostbelt 5 to blow me out of the park with the emotional weight of killing a world and it just. didnt even try. It threw in some half assed line about why this lostbelt was well and truly evil

Which like! Honestly if it had been done well enough i couldve been fine with, couldve been happy with. But the twist that zeus actually was going to fuck off? That chaos was going to destroy all the humans anyway?? That zeus brainwashed the other gods to his side anyway????? I felt zero sympathy in destroying this lostbelt and i wanted to, SO badly

And i am All Here for a more in depth take on how humans have twisted robots into gods. How these ronots thought they could love humans but didnt hold the capacity for it!!! Honestly that concept is super cool!! I liked it!!! But like. The way it was delivered left a bad taste in my mouth. I wanted to care more about the tragedy it had wrought.

I wish that zeus’ defeat was something like… in attempting to defeat zeus, chaldea accidentally/maybe on purpose? Endangers the people of olympus. And through the motions of protecting them, zeus burns and falls to ruin. And as he lays there, he realizes that as much as he wants to care for these people hes protecting, he doesnt. And hes dying for what he feels is nothing.

If i put more thought to it i could come up with more ways the god plotline couldve been bettered on. But like. A third act twist where the reader is reassured that this lostbelt is undeniably evil is really one of the worst options they couldve taken at that point. Basically everything else i can forgive but that felt really sour in my mouth

And finally . I loved kirschtania and caenis i did cry. I could say more on them but itd be fairly incoherent especially when im this tired. Just know that i really really like them

[sequesteredschizo]

cw // suicidal ideation & self harm 

thought too much about where I should post these words @ and where to do it if I did

Decided on here, both to challenge myself to be honest about how I'm doing and as a small private testament to myself, esp considering I can't guarantee I'll remember any of this later if I don't 

A few months ago I decided I was supposed to kill myself on April 26th 2024. I think something about doing that nullified certain anxieties of mine at times, for better and for worse. I thought the worst thing I could do that would ruin everyone I cared about was already going to happen, so I was able to loosen my grip somewhat on the people-pleasing and the social anxiety and the agoraphobia- maybe a sort of subconscious 'if something doesn't change, i will be dying. So I might as well try while I'm still around.' I've been callous and I've been unstable, but I also took risks (or, actions I that felt like risks to me) that landed me with more life-affirming results than I could have ever anticipated.

I sent texts I thought were annoying and stupid to people I wished I talked to more, I tried to eat like a well-adjusted adult person, I was honest with my dad about how hellish my disability was making my life for the first time. Etc etc. Anything to connect, anything to survive. I didn't care anymore. it felt like the end of the world. To everyone else it probably seemed like I was finally re-entering society, if anyone thought much of it at all (unlikely, imo.) At one point, I hurt myself worse than I ever had before, and without really meaning to, haven't done it since. It feels now like a microcosm of the bigger picture, just by coincidence. Doing better wasn't necessarily my intention, but it was a consequence of thinking I was fucking it all up one last time. Might as well throw all the chips in.

Last weekend I attended a wedding out-of-state for a relative I hadn't seen in years knowing id meet countless new faces and I didn't even freak out. And I was terrified, and I didn't want to go there and I didn't want to stay here but I did it anyways. Turns out I don't think I've ever felt so loved and welcomed and appreciated in my life. The people I reached out to on a whim, because what was the worst that could happen? Some of them actually respond back, fucking shocker. My dad is trying to stop pretending I don't exist. I'm a little less malnourished. So those are all good developments.

I feel like I reached up into an empty sky with the very last dregs of energy I had and by some miracle, just enough of the universe reached back. I don't and didnt want to scar and endanger my struggling loved ones because I couldn't be strong enough to deal with myself. It had to be my last option, after truly trying everything I could. I didn't even do much, and I didn't expect it to work. I didn't expect my favorite band to be dropping new shit on my due date. I didn't know that I would really honestly from the bottom of my heart not want to leave this fucked up horrible beautiful tragic world behind. 

I know there's always going to be a part of me that expects me to commit. it's always been easier for me to hurt myself than help myself. I've written a lot of suicide notes throughout my life. This is the first time I've ever done the opposite, I guess? This is supposed to be my promise to me that I want to live. I need to. Its really hard to admit that to myself. I'm pretty sure I can do it tho.

I think (and almost hope) that the handful of you who follow this stupid little blog wont read this, but I posted it here because theres too many people everywhere else. It's directed at myself anyway.

a distant yell into a cacophonous void, in hopes that typing it will act as a metaphysical vehicle for manifesting it in the collective subconscious:

TRANS PEOPLE DONT KILL YOURSELF!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[wildcardsoul]

a more in depth background of my persona 3 oc...

the one linked here! It's a lot so its gonna be under the cut but it's much more than what i had before!! idk how many will see this but it would be so cool and awesome if you read it because these two give me such intense brain worms i need to tell everyone about them (will include p3 spoilers)

touma hiroya was born as a surprise to an, all things considered, normal family. a mom, dad, and a brother, teijo, 10 years his elder. his family was not expecting another child but welcomed him anyways

the pregnancy caused a lot of complications, but they thought they were in the clear during his birth, unfortunately more issues arised and his mother passed away shortly after, devastating the others. a new life was brought into the world but at the cost of another.

both grew bitter towards the newborn, silently blaming him for the death of the mother. it took until his father shouted at the now-toddler for teijo to realize how foolish he was being. touma was completely innocent.

but things only got worse as time went on, their father having resorted to drinking since the passing of his wife and quickly developed an addiction. obviously i wont be going into abuse detail but their situation gets Bad, but teijo always makes sure to protect touma always

he manages to get accepted into a college, with an insane amount of hard work he is able to gather enough money to get an apartment and take in touma, pretty much raising him. teijo finds himself leaning more towards science, while touma starts picking up his medical books

years pass, now roughly 20 and 30, teijo gets himself into the kirijo groups scientists, and touma is in medical school. all things seem to be going well for the two, teijo sending touma extra money to support him every once in awhile.

that is, until, again, things take a turn for the worse. teijo gets sucked into the deeper parts of the group, seeing the experiments theyre doing on the shadows, and worse, people. but hes too far into the group now he cannot back out without being in danger

it becomes obvious, though, how he hesitates. and soon enough they turn on him. they realize teijo has a strong potential, and try to force-summon a persona from him. it works, but he is unable to control it, and his own persona kills him.

touma is clueless. he stays clueless, it wasnt uncommon for months to go by without hearing from his brother, he is busy after all. then the accident happens, the explosion. he is told his brother died there. and hes alone in the world.

touma tries to go on, tries to keep going in school but he struggles. he finds himself skipping classes, sleeping in, after some years he runs out of money, he has no choice but to drop out. he tries getting jobs, but none last too long. a few more years and hes out of money and jobs that will accept him. unable to afford his apartment anymore, hes stuck wondering the streets. its now he discovers the dark hour, terrified of it, but able to use it to his advantage. he felt awful, breaking into places and stealing, but he would starve otherwise.

its on fateful day that he is found. he had fainted on the street during the dark hour, after not having had enough to eat the day prior. shuji finds him, clothes torn and dirty, trying to get him to awaken. after a bit, he does.

during this time its early spring, a month or two after makoto had joined SEES. seeing the potential in touma, shuji decides to, at the very least, help him through the night. he can see what else can be learned about him, if he'll be useful to his cause.

after bringing him to his home, getting him showered and fed, they talk. shuji realizes he's heard of touma before, the younger brother to one of the scientists. it feels like fate, his brother had an extremely strong persona, if touma was any similar, perhaps he could be useful

if things were handled differently. with the plan in mind, shuji offers him to stay with him at his home. he even pulls some strings and allows touma to be an assistant nurse at the school.

months pass, and touma never awakens to his persona. but its alright, he is proving himself to be extremely useful by having the medical knowledge he does, helping out the kids after tough fights and long tartarus trips.

touma is EXTREMELY grateful towards shuji, feeling as if he saved his life. during those months he can't help but find himself falling for him. sure, it helps he saved him, but he genuinely adores shuji. he finds him so charming and funny, he feels like a schoolboy with a crush

meanwhile shuji is finding himself feeling the same. which complicates things a lot. he can't have feelings for someone right now! the world is destined to end, its unworth saving, theres no point in dealing with love. he tries to keep up appearances but shuji is stressed as hell

hes in heavy, heavy denial he could love someone in this cruel of a world, trying to find any reason to justify it. and he does. it all makes sense, why the pieces would fall into place so neatly. touma was destined to be the avatar of nyx. it was so clear!

shuji would be the god of the new world, with touma by his side to help bring it to fruition. no other reason would he be so drawn to him, right? so his plan continues in motion, until all 12 arcana shadows are defeated, and shuji starts his plan.

touma watches as someone who he loved betrays him, betrays them all. he tries his hardest to reason with shuji, to beg, to plead to listen to him, that killing these kids he cares for won't do any good, that the world is still worth saving, but shuji's delusions have taken over

shuji raves about how this is destiny, how this is what they wanted, right? to be together, and they will be, with the creation of the new world everything will be perfect. and the rest plays out in canon, aigis saving everyone, and shuji getting shot.

despite it all, the betrayal, touma still loves him. as shuji walks backwards towards the edge of the roof, touma runs over to him, trying to save him from falling, but it's too late at that point. shuji had fallen. without a second thought touma goes after him.

he doesn't think about it, if this is how he dies..then let it be. he'd rather die with shuji than live with losing someone else he loves. through the rush of doom, its finally now touma's persona awakens, eos, the goddess of dawn.

touma, who had managed to grab hold of shuji's hand, pulls him closer against the wind, and with eos' wings they're able to safely make it to the ground. what i have after this is pretty..up in the air, but pretty much it comes to shuji realizing he was fucking crazy and a LOT of therapy. a lot. touma and shuji stay away from the kids for awhile because..well they kind of doubt theyd want to see them. again still nothing concrete after this but. they end up being okay one way or another.

this is just like. toumas in-canon story how it would go In Canon but i also love pretending everything is fine and that theyre silly and in love but also ouch ouch ouch ouch they hurt me to think about sometimes

also sorry if not all of this makes a lot of sense within canon its been awhile since i beat the game.. but uaugh. augh. uahg. they mean so much to me.

heres a little lamb touma doodle for ur troubles <33 i doubt it but if anyone has any questions PLEAAASE ask me i need to talk about themmmm

[dinoburger]

hi i relate to ur posts for a number of reasons. i have keratosis pillaris and i have been picking at it for years to the point my upper arms are a shade darker than the rest of my body. its a habit im not confident about it but its sometging i deal with. i used to struggle really badly with dr/dp now that im not as stressed anymore its not as bad but i still got dissociation as part of my bipolar and if i see smth that can trigger dr/dp it will. im arab iraqi specifically my country is still in ruins from the invasion my relatives were killed by saddam and ive experienced islamophobia all my life. it hurts me to see my people getting killed and dehumanised and honestly i cant even be surprised caus thats how i felt people would treat me all my life the only time i saw arabs in british media was in headlines talking about honour killings and terrorist attacks and domestic abuse cases.

anyways. all of this is to say. your compassion doesnt depend on your suffering. compassion is a seperate utility from suffering, it stems from being a good person, not empathy. people who lack empathy and emotions know this, that they can do good and care for other people even when it doesnt affect them. getting medicated wont take away your compassion. youre still going to care about people other than yourself. in fact it wont even take away your capacity to feel emotions. before i was medicated i hadnt felt anything in months, and now i feel more than before. you shouldnt be hurt or suffering to show how much you care. pain is not a solid foundation for caring about others. please allow your motivation to be your compassion, the desire to do good, and improve the lives of others, not your self flaggelation. nobody benefits from your hurt, they benefit from your actions. if you believe that there should be no suffering in the world and that everyone should be happy then you must accept that includes you too. (i admit it is refreshing to see someone who cares this much, but i wanted to express these thoughts as someone who relates to a number of the things you talk about)

this is very considerate, I appreciate your vulnerability with how close to home this is... I think more what I mean to say is that it's frustrating not to have a choice and be compelled to reshape myself and my emotional response under threat of being belittled and shamed by the people I rely on rather than because I made an informed decision to

but you're absolutely right, it's not fair to conflate suffering and compassion, in fact I'd say pain is one of those things that makes it very hard to focus on anything but one's self... I guess it's more that I struggle not to feel taken aback by how apathetic some of the people in my life are about it.

I hope there's some kind of justice for you and your people in this lifetime, and I'll try to be more gentle if I can - it's definitely something I could work on... thank you for being so understanding