#park wonbin angst
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hornychristianprincess · 8 months ago
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NSFW A-Z: WONBIN
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a/n: this is just my personal analysis based off my perception and observations of wonbin's personality. all of this is fiction/fantasy
A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Immediately after sex, Wonbin wants to be close to you, no matter how sweaty or gross the two of you are. While recovering in bed with you, he’ll be filled with a sort of cocky smugness as he reflects on just how good the sex was. His confidence will be boosted, causing him to be more talkative than usual and say whatever’s been on his mind. Once you’ve both recuperated, he’ll more often than not want to go for another round.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
On himself, Wonbin takes a lot of pride in his abs/torso. As a dancer and performer, he works hard to achieve and maintain his physique. I can imagine him having a lot of shirtless pics on his phone.
On his partner, Wonbin is a boob man all day, every day. Regardless of his partner’s size, there’s just something about the softness of them that is comforting to him. Even just feeling them through your shirt during a hug is enough to rile him up.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
I think Wonbin is a little finicky when it comes to any sort of mess so I’d say he prefers to come inside of his partner or in a condom. When he’s finished, there’s ease in being able to either throw the condom away or take a shower with you so you can wash up together.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
We all know Wonbin works really hard to maintain this mysterious, cold image, but with a partner who he feels comfortable with, Wonbin is the biggest softie. When he finds someone he loves – a feat on it’s own since he is such an introvert – they become his entire world. He would do anything to please them. He doesn’t want anyone knowing this because of how it would crack this persona he’s crafted for himself.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Wonbin has been handsome his whole life so I would guess he had no shortage of suitors. However, I don’t see him as the type to just go around slinging dick to everybody. It takes a lot for him to take interest in someone and even longer before he’s comfortable initiating sex. Still, I’d venture to say he has some experience under his belt.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Wonbin is a fan of any position where he can comfortably look into your eyes, so usually missionary or cowgirl is what he goes for. Being able to see your expressions as he pleases you is integral to Wonbin’s own pleasure. He likes to maintain intense, searing eye contact with whoever he’s fucking, and these two positions are what most easily allow for that.
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
In the lead-up to sex, Wonbin uses jokes to mask how nervous or excited he is. He hopes that by being playful he’ll come off as cool. Once the sex actually begins though, he is deadly serious and intense. He becomes too focused on either giving or receiving pleasure to find anything funny. It’s similar to how he is when he performs on stage; Wonbin on stage and Wonbin off stage are two different people. Off stage, he can be personable and charming, but once he gets into performance mode, he takes what he’s doing so seriously that he can’t consider anything else.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
Wonbin only bothers to groom himself when he has a partner, otherwise he can’t be bothered. In the beginnings of a relationship, he appreciates it when his partner puts in the effort to shave. But once you’ve been together for a while and built that camaraderie, he couldn’t care less.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
I think Wonbin enjoys receiving intimacy but not giving intimacy if that makes sense. Like he is fully comfortable with saying romantic things to you and watching as it makes you get worked up and emotional. But the moment when you do the same and he starts to get overwhelmed with emotion, he’ll be quick to hide his face in your neck or bite your shoulder to hold back his whines. As I’ve already alluded to, he shies away from anything that would put a crack in his mysterious persona. In other words, emotional vulnerability is difficult for him but he’s more than happy to hold space for and even provoke your own expressions of emotional intimacy.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Wonbin masturbates rarely and mostly as a means to either let off stress or cure boredom. I see him masturbating the most in the shower after a long day of work, allowing his worries to release down the drain. In many ways, I see him as someone who only appreciates masturbation for its basic utility rather than for the pleasure it brings. To him, sex is a pleasure best enjoyed with a partner.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
overstimulation (giving and receiving): Wonbin is turned on by the idea of fucking until you both literally can’t anymore. To do that requires draining each other’s bodies for all of the energy they have. This man likes to go for rounds. And he won’t want to stop until you both can’t move.
marking (giving and receiving): seeing marks on each other’s skin after sex is a pride point for Wonbin. It’s evidence of just how good the sex was. when receiving, Wonbin likes scratches on his back or even a bloody lip after a passionate kiss. When giving, Wonbin likes seeing the fleeting mark of his handprint on your ass after he smacks it, and more longlasting, hickies on every part of your body.
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
Wonbin doesn’t have any location preference. He is honestly down to fuck you any time, any place. Still, he’s aware that his partner would likely feel most comfortable to let loose in the privacy of a bedroom, so he’s fine with that.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
Before sex even comes to mind for him, he is turned on by a person who is a little hard to get. Because he is so used to the attention of potential suitors. It’s easier to get his attention by not trying to pursue him at all, at least initially. Additionally, he is attracted to unique people with lots of confidence in themselves and their interests. 
What motivates him sexually is feeling a strong level of trust with his partner. What also motivates him is his desire to please. I think Wonbin sometimes has thoughts of not being enough for a person. He sees sex as being the thing that could make someone stay if they feel like he’s lacking in other places. When he fucks, he makes the pleasure of his partner his biggest priority. He is turned on by their reactions and praise. In many ways, he sees praise of his sexual abilities as an affirmation of his personhood. Sex is one of his ways of expressing his love. Whenever he feels a strong surge of love for you romantically, it will immediately translate to him wanting to fuck you.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
He’s turned off by someone who makes him feel even slightly judged for who he is as a person. I mentioned earlier that he likes people who play hard to get, but once you get past those initial meetings that define the beginning of the relationship, he has little tolerance for indifference. He wants his partner to be just as into him as he is into them.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Wonbin loves both giving and receiving head. As mentioned in my last answer, Wonbin is a huge giver. What turns him on about giving head is seeing his partner’s satisfied expressions and knowing that he possesses the power to make them feel euphoric in this way. And being the man he is, he loves to receive head. He finds you sexiest when you’re salivating over his dick, begging to have it in your mouth even after you’ve already made him come so many times this way before.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
By and large, I think his pace is dependent on whatever his partner asks of him at that moment or whatever he thinks is gonna feel the best for you. Usually he’ll start out slow just to get a feel for the rhythm of things, but he’ll have his moments where the sex starts to feel so good that he’ll get overwhelmed and start rutting into you roughly.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
Quickies aren’t Wonbin’s favorite way to fuck, but he’s also not at all opposed to them. It’s not something that happens often, especially because he likes to carve out substantial time with you so that he’s not having to rush intimacy. Still, in moments where you only have a few moments to yourselves, he’d rather have you for a short time than not at all.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
There is nothing inherently satisfying about taking risks for Wonbin. Rather, he can become so turned on by his partner that his desire outweighs any fear. If you and Wonbin are in public and he finds himself enthralled by you in some way, he has no problem with pulling you aside and having his way with you, or even playing with you under the table during a public dinner. The risk of getting caught is irrelevant if not meaningless to him. Were he ever to get caught, he would be quick to shut down any teasing or outside conversation. He prefers to keep the private life of himself and his partner out of the conversations of others.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – rounds rounds rounds rounds. In each round, Wonbin’s first priority is to make you come, and with that in mind, he is able to hold back on his own orgasm for however long he needs to. After each round, he does need some time to recuperate, but once he’s good, he’ll be ready and needy for more. On a perfect day with Wonbin you’ll fuck, watch a movie, get bored and fuck again, get some food, fuck, and just keep going in that pattern until you collapse in bed tiredly by the end of the day. Once he’s done though, he’s done. 
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
Wonbin is open to both using toys and having toys used on him. While he’s fucking you, I could see him reaching over to a bedside drawer, grabbing a vibrator and using it to stimulate your clit while he gives you long, deep thrusts. Conversely, if you were to incorporate a vibrator or cock ring while giving him head, he might just cry like a baby. All in all, anything that can be used to enhance both of your pleasures’ is a win for him. 
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Wonbin is only a tease outside of the bedroom. Inside it, he gets right to the point and doesn’t have the patience to delay anything by teasing you. His focus is on making the both of you feel good. To him, pleasure is a feeling best enjoyed when instantaneous rather than to be delayed by pointless lollygagging.
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
Wonbin only allows groans and grunts to come out when he feels like they sound dignified and gruff. The moment a whine threatens to come out, he’s quick to bite your shoulder to hold it back. If a means of hiding his whines isn’t immediately accessible, he’ll just look and sound really pained as he fights to hold back what he’s feeling. He always wants to appear composed and in control of his reactions.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
“I love you,” he’d say, a breezy tiredness to his voice as he fucked you for what felt like the tenth time that night. “So, so much.”
These were the sort of inclinations Wonbin would get every time he was inside you. The soft, sentimental part of him is something you only got to see, something you managed to bring out of him so easily with the pleasure of your sex. The closer he got to coming, the rougher and more restless he come feel himself being. He pinned your wrists against the bed, eyes never leaving yours as his thrusts increased in impact.
“You’re mine forever, Y/N. No one can fuck you as good as I do. You belong to me,” he’d growl, each thrust punctuated by a kiss from his signature star shaped necklace, hanging from his neck and dragging up your face. You were close, and he could tell, the feeling of you clenching around him plus the telltale shutting of your eyes giving it away. Longing to be close to you in these moments, his face collapses onto yours as he initiates a languid, messy kiss.
“Come for me. Wet me,” he’d pull away to command. “Wanna feel you drip down my cock, pretty girl.” Those were the last words you were able to register before you were launched into the most powerful orgasm of your life, Wonbin following after you with a poorly suppressed whine only shortly after.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
I don’t have any strong inclinations either way. I just know that whatever he lacks in the sack he more than makes up for in other areas. Whatever his size is, it gives him no reason to not feel confident in his sexual abilities.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
I’d say his sex drive is pretty average. Sex with him is pretty physically demanding so it often happens that you fuck 1-3 times a week with a day or two between each time. 
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Once he’s gotten all the rounds out of his system, his energy is completely depleted. He’ll sleep like a baby.
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promise-you-doie · 1 year ago
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Like a Butterfly | P. Wonbin
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Summary: Love is like a butterfly, a rare and gentle thing, how lucky of you to have found it twice. Pairings: Shotaro x Reader Wonbin x Reader words: 15k Genre: kind of a love triangle, fluff, angst. Warnings: mild cursing, suggestive. that's all. :)
Poetry has been around since the beginning of time. It knew many forms and emotions. You loved it because it had no rules, no restrictions. anything could be poetry. That was the beauty of art.
If you had a Time Machine you would teleport back to the time when life was simpler. You didn’t have the stress of school, the weight of peoples opinions or the inconvenience of being somewhat an adult.
Luckily you didn’t need a Time Machine, you had Wonbin. Having his arms wrapped around you was your form of escapism.
His fingers intertwined in yours and you feel yourself chasing all the heat his body has to offer as you push yourself as close as physics would allow you to. You love him, you’re sure of it.
You love the beautiful melody of his voice, the lovely shapes in his face. The brightness of his smile, the softness of his hands. and sometimes you think you love the way he loves you, but he doesn’t. That’s the issue.
You often find yourself daydreaming of an alternate universe in which he cared for you the way you care for him. It wouldn’t be too different from the one you’re in now. Only difference is you wouldn’t have to hide with him.
The two of you could love each other aloud, you could kiss him in front of your friends. Hold hands during the day.
But those were just daydreams. This is reality, and In your reality you were sitting on the opposite side of the food court watching Wonbin smile and giggle with a girl who wasn’t you.
Over time you’d gotten better at keeping your emotions tamed.
“Girl? You got beef with the broccoli?”
Well… you were still working on it.
“It's just not-“ you stab the broccoli a few more times before you give up and just throw the fork down.
“Is something bothering you?” Shotaro asks softly. Hearing his voice only eases you down. You could never be upset around him, not when he’s giving you a look like he’ll do anything on the planet to make sure your smile never fades.
It wasn’t just his eyes that were telling you that, it was everything about him. It’s just how he was.
“I’m just so stressed with midterms coming up. I can’t fail, my parents will kill me.” You partly lie.
“Want me to come over later, we can study together. I’ll make sure to get the cherry ice cream that you really like.”
His suggestion is enough to erase whatever distress you were feeling.
“Thank you taro.” You smile at him
“Oh you two are so cute. Just date already.” Giselle laughs watching the two of you interact with each other.
You wished it were that simple, you would just be happy with Shotaro like everyone expected you to. But the only dilemma to this obvious solution, was that you only kinda liked shotaro. But you really like Wonbin.
As if he could hear your thoughts, the devil with a sly smile walks over to your table stirring up your emotions once again. Smirking as if he knows how upset he’s made you talking to that girl.
“What’s going on over here?”
“Nothing that concerns you?” Winter dismisses him.
You try to ignore him but you can’t help but feel his gaze burning into you like the rays of the sun. Usually you loved it, but right now his intense contact made you wanna crawl up into a ball and vanish.
“Who’s the girl you were flirting with?” Ningning asks
“He probably doesn’t even know her name? It’s a new girl everyday with him.” Karina adds
Hearing it all made you want to throw up, but you keep your calm. Simply picking at the food on your plate trying to tune out the conversation that's happening right before you.
You’re so immersed in your food that you don’t even notice that everyone’s stopped talking and is watching you brutally stab at the chicken.
“Oh that poor chicken.” Ningning whispers.
After a few short seconds you break out of your own bubble and look up at your group of friends, quickly taking notice of horror on each of their faces.
“Sorry, I gotta use the bathroom.” You say dismissing yourself from the table.
“Damn, if she’s this scared for midterms. There’s no hope for the rest of us.” Sohee deadpans
“To be fair, there was never any hope for you.” Winter snickers.
The table breaks off into a new conversation, completely missing when Wonbin sneaks off after you.
“Where are you heading off to?” You hear Wonbin in some distance behind you.
“Class.”
Within a split second his hand is on your wrist pulling you back towards him until you’re face to chest.
“We have some time.”
“I’ve gotta get to class, Wonbin.”
“What’s up?”
“Nothing, I’m just-“
“You know i know better”
You couldn’t tell him the real truth. That it bothered you seeing him with someone else. That you were jealous but you had no right to be because the two of you weren’t even dating.
“It’s just a lot right now.”
“You usually come to me about these kinds of things.” He says softly and it makes you melt, almost as much as his subtle touch to your cheek.
“I've just been a little too busy lately.”
“Then I’ll just come over tonight, we can talk all you want.”
The offer was tempting. The only thing that could fix you was laying for hours in his arms and talking until you mumbled yourself to sleep just as you always do.
“Can’t. I’m studying with shotaro tonight.”
“Then I’ll just stop by afterwards.”
“I’m gonna be late for class.”
“I’ll see you later?”
“Goodbye, Wonbin.”
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Laughter echoed throughout the living room where you and shotaro remained. Textbooks, notebooks, pens and snacks took up the space between the both of you. Keeping the mood light and easy.
“Okay let’s see…” you pause for a moment to search for a question you were sure he wasn’t gonna get.
“What is the term used to describe a process that is both catabolic and anabolic?”
“Amphibolic.”
“No fair, you cheated.”
“No i didn’t.”
“Did too!”
“Did not.”
In the middle of your childish bickering you hear your phone ding. Your first instinct was only to ignore it, and switch your phone off. But you quickly get a change of heart when you see that Wonbin is the reason for the notification.
Wonbin <3: still studying?
Wonbin <3: I miss you
Wonbin <3: Can’t stop thinking about you
Each message sends a new wave of butterflies, it’s almost sickening how you allowed him to have this effect on you.
You: I’m trying to focus
Wonbin <3: I’m sorry baby, continue studying.
“Sorry, Karina’s nagging me about her new shoes.” You made up.
“Actually it’s getting pretty late, do you wanna call it a night?” He asks as he’s already closing the books, knowing what your answer is gonna be before you get a chance to say anything.
“Um. Yeah, we can continue another time. I’m getting pretty tired.”
“So I’ll see you in class.”
“Of course. Drive safely. Text me when you get home.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, shotaro.” You smile warmly at him and it lingers for a few seconds before he finally leaves. You can’t help but hold your smile even after you close the door to your apartment and reach to clean up the small mess on your floor. It’s only a few books, highlighters and a set of keys that you assumed were yours at first but after picking them up you quickly noticed they weren’t.
Just as soon as you come to the conclusion of who the keys could belong to you hear a knock at the door.
“I picked them up as so-“ your eyes widen the moment you notice that it’s not shotaro but Wonbin standing on the other side of your doorway. Within two seconds you pull him in and check the hallway to make sure that no one saw him coming to your apartment at 11 pm at night.
“What are you doing here?” You whisper, shout, as if people can hear you through the walls.
“I wanted to see you.”
“What if he saw you?” And the moment the words leave your mouth there’s another knock at the door. You only have five seconds to think and in those five seconds you push Wonbin out of view and breathe before you open the door.
“I left my keys.”
“Yeah, I picked them up just a few seconds ago.”
“I also wanted to ask if maybe you’d want to come with me to the fall festival tomorrow.”
You fix your lips and you’re about to accept his invitation when you hear a loud noise coming from Wonbins direction.
“Did something fall?”
“No yeah it’s just a painting I’ve been trying to keep up. But it keeps falling.”
“Do you need help with it?”
“Uh no i think i might just return it, but yes i definitely want to join you tomorrow.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I think it’ll be fun.”
“Good, so uh I’ll just text you when I get home.”
“Drive safe, good night.”
“Goodnight.”
The second you close and lock the door you’re scolding Wonbin yet again.
“Are you trying to get us caught?”
“It just fell.”
“Oh just fell my ass.” You yell at him but you can’t remain serious when he’s looking down at you with his dark Diamond eyes. Or when he gives you that smile that you absolutely hate (love).
“I’ll be more careful next time.” he smirks.
You wanna scold him about there not being a “next time” but there’s only so much you can say when your lips are occupied with his own.
His hands are tugging and your waist to pull you closer to him and naturally your hands wrap around his forearms. Your conscience is telling you this is wrong and you need to end whatever it is that the two of you have going on. But your heart completely disagrees as you’re pulling him even closer to you like he’s gonna disappear under your grasp.
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You find yourself in this position too often. You wished you could say you hated it, but that’s just not the case. It’s almost sickening how weak you are for him. All he had to do was say your name and you’d fold for him time and time again.
His fingers are twirling around in your hair, your legs are horizontally crossing his and cheeks are pressed against his chest. By now your eyes are getting heavier and heavier, and the warmth of his body doesn’t aid in your sleepiness. Nor does the way his chest vibrates every time he speaks, and especially not when his voice is soft and soothing.
“What got you upset this morning?” He circles the question back around after hours. You don’t wanna remember the way she smiled at him or the way she brushed her hand against his arm. And you especially don’t wanna have to tell him about your frustrations so you sum it up to. “Just something the girls and I were talking about.” Hoping he wouldn’t ask any more questions about the matter.
Eventually you shift your body so you can just lay over top of him, and comfortably fall asleep on his chest. The rhythm of his beating heart and the way his body rises with each breath he takes is more than enough to have you drifting to sleep once again and when you’re hanging on to a single thread of energy he kisses atop your head and whispers for you to sleep well.
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“Are you here by yourself?” That’s the single question that landed you here in the first place.
You’re sitting alone in an almost empty library. There’s just you, a few other students and the librarian. It’s quiet, that’s why you loved it. perfect place to go and get set on all of your academics or just escape from the noises of everyday life.
You’re so interested in your book that you fail to notice Wonbin walk in, and immediately gravitate over to you.
It’s not until he speaks that you lift your head from the contents of your novel to meet his eyes, and a pretty smile to match.
“Are you here by yourself?” He asks
“Yeah, I just needed to clear my head.”
From there is when you both begin a conversation, you realize that he’s easy to talk to. The conversation just flows like the crystal clear water of a river. You talk enough to have just wasted 3 hours of what was supposed to be alone time. But you feel as if you’d rather have spent time talking to him than doing anything else.
Overtime he becomes the person you can go to just to talk. Talk about any and everything, but somehow conversations led to prolonged kisses and touching each other in ways you wouldn’t want from anyone else.
“I’ve never kissed anyone.”
“Really, never?”
“I mean well, I kissed this guy in freshman year of highschool. but it was so weird I don't even wanna think about it.”
you stopped talking when you noticed him watching your lips. For a good few seconds neither of you said anything. The only noise to fill the air was the background noise of the T.V.
“First kisses are usually always awkward, mine was.”
you gasp a little when his focus shifts from your lips back to your eyes.
“yeah, I guess so.”
“So I'm guessing you haven’t dated anyone?”
“no, not yet.”
“How come?”
“I just don’t have the time, not with school and stuff.”
“but you have time to talk to me.”
“That's because I like talking to you.”
“you do?”
with each sentence that leaves his mouth you hear the tone of his voice get softer and softer. you couldn’t remember when it started, when you started liking him. or when just the sound of his voice became so intoxicating to you, but what you did know was that there wasn’t anything you could do about it.
so when he gently slipped his hand under your jaw and hooked around the side of your face, and kept eye contact with you as he got closer and closer until you felt his breath brush upon your lips. you only closed your eyes, you didn’t have the willpower to fight him off and even if you did. you wouldn’t want to.
because your second kiss was way better than your first, it was unclear why though. was it the quality of the kiss, or was it the person you shared the kiss with? you were unsure, and as much as you wanted to find out. you couldn’t, it couldn’t happen. not again.
being with wonbin broke so many of the friendship rules and you knew that. which is why you never told your friends and you never kissed him again.
however the conversations never stopped, talking to him was how you managed through busy weeks and frustrating assignments. you were too busy for leisure time, let alone relationships. so how did you make time for him? how did you manage time to sneak around with him?
“you just take this 4 and multiply it by the 7 down here.” you ask
when you look up is when you finally notice how close he was. you stop breathing for a few seconds looking down to see that if you moved just a few inches you’d be touching his fluffy pretty lips.
but you blink out of your fantasy, you’d already made it clear that what happened before, can’t happen again.
“are you keeping up?”
“no i think i got lost, could you run it over one more time.” he’s just barely whispering now, and staring at your lips.
“yeah, umm you just…”
before you could explain anything he moves the hair from covering your face, using only his index finger to push it over your shoulder so he could see you a little more clearly.
“wonbin…” you whine lowly and it causes him to laugh in a way that gives you butterflies.
“yeah?” he asks innocently.
it’s his smile, it’s his smile that makes your heart beat outside of your chest. it’s his smile that makes you act the way you do. it’s his smile that posses you to kiss him back when he lays his lips on yours.
“We can't take this any further.” you say once you push him off of you
“okay.” his lips are agreeing but his hands aren’t obeying. sliding past the skin of your thigh in a way that makes you dizzy.
“I won't do anything you don’t want me to.”
“it’s not that i don’t want to…”
“then tell me what it is?”
“you can’t flirt your way out of this assignment.” the words come out in a whisper as you take his larger hands into your own, to stop him from sliding up and down your leg.
the rest of the evening went smoothly. only small touches here and there. but nothing that you felt like would jeopardize the friendship. but when he leaves and you fall back on your bed all you think about is how perfect his lips felt on yours or how electrifying his hands felt on your skin.
you know that the friendship is beyond jeopardized by now. you don't know when the damage began, if it was when you shared the first kiss? or if it was when you rolled off your bed to answer the door after wonbin had left, only to find that he was back. and he was thinking about you just how you were thinking about him.
“Why are you still here?” you question but he doesn’t answer. He walks in the more you back up until he’s far enough to close the door behind him.
“Can I kiss you?”
“no.” you wish you had the strength to say that. no, more like you wished you could say that and actually mean it. but he stands over you looking down at you in a way that makes you forget everything else.
“please.”
What started as a kiss ended as the two of you wrapped in your sheets.
you shielded your face in his neck from all of the embarrassment you felt, knowing that it was far too late to just stay “friends”.
“We can't tell anyone about this.”
“I won’t say a thing.”
he agrees as he lays a sweet kiss on the side of your head.
you thought that this was the lowest you could go. having sex with him and lying to your friends. but you found a way to go lower, you fell in love.
you fell in love with him, and you fell in love with sneaking around with him. kissing in hidden hallways, lingering gazes in front of your friends and cryptic conversations.
that’s why everytime he comes over you can’t help but give in to him. anger doesn’t exist when you’re around him and you wanted so deeply to hate him. but you just can’t
Within 30 minutes of Wonbin waking you to tell you he was leaving to get ready for school, your alarm went off, telling you that it was now your turn. Not ready to get up yet you snooze your alarm for 20 more minutes.
After twenty minutes pass and your alarm goes off again you roll out of bed and throw on the first thing you see. Which happens to be an oversized black zip up hoodie and a pair of jeans.
“Is that Wonbin’s hoodie?” Giselle asks the second she she’s you.
“Hmm?” You finally look down at the large garment you’re wearing. Nearly widening your eyes when you realize it is in fact his hoodie.
“No. Girl why would I be wearing Wonbin’s hoodie?” You laugh off and she follows after you
“I thought it was for a second.”
“Anyways I heard shotaro finally asked you out on a date.”
“It’s not really a date, we’re just hanging out.”
“Hanging out alone? It's definitely a date.” She re-adresses and continues
“It’s about time, you guys move like turtles.”
By the time she finishes her sentence you’re standing right out front of the door to the class.
“It’s just a little hang out.”
“Talk to someone who doesn’t know any better.”
“Goodbye Gigi.”
“Bye girl.”
The second you walk into class you catch a glimpse of the very girl that had her paws over (not) your man yesterday morning. But you don’t get much time to think because shotaro calls your name and signals you over to take a seat next to him.
“Hey.” You smile before you take a seat.
“How’d you sleep?”
“I slept pretty well.”
“So we’re still on for tonight.”
“Yeah of course.”
He smiles and turns to the teacher when she begins to speak. You wanna pay attention to the class, but all your focus goes to the brunette beauty sitting far across the room.
She’s talking to her friend and she starts to smile, you see just how pretty her smile is. Which you hadn’t noticed yesterday. She’s gorgeous and you hate it. You hate how pretty she is, you hate that you’re now so fixed on her because of one minor interaction between her and someone that you weren’t even supposed to be with.
Each time you try to pretend she isn’t there, you find yourself taking more and more peaks of her. By the end of the class you’re now hating yourself and wanting again to just disappear into thin air.
You leave class immediately, wanting to head to the bathroom and take a small break but Wonbin has other plans as he stands outside of your class to pull you aside the second you walk out.
“Why haven’t you responded to my text?”
“Huh?” You question clearly confused about what it is he would even be messaging you about that was so serious it warranted him standing outside of your class like a fool.
“Didn’t you get my messages?”
“No, I haven't checked my phone.”
“Wow, nice to see that you guys are finally talking. Sometimes i forget that you two know each other.” Shotaro speaks from besides you.
“It’s just there's nothing for us to really talk about.”
“I think we’d have more conversations if you didn’t ignore me.”
To that you just laugh off, hoping that Shotaro didn’t catch the sarcasm in Wonbin’s statement.
“Well I’ll leave you guys to talk, I’ll be in the library.” Shotaro points as he walks off and you fix your legs to follow after him but Wonbin takes your wrist and pulls you back to him.
Only for you to quickly pull it away. “What are you trying to do?”
“Sorry, wouldn’t want your boyfriend to catch us.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” You say first
“And secondly i didn’t say anything when you were fucking that girl with your eyes yesterday.”
You wanna die when he smiles down at you, finally pulling out the answer that you’d been trying to hide.
“Is that why you were so mad?” he mocks.
“No, I wasn’t mad. I don’t care. do what you want.”
“To be fair you’re not being so discreet, walking around campus with my hoodie on.”
“I didn’t realize it was yours until I got to school.”
“But you still have it on.”
“I don’t have a shirt on '' you whisper shyly enough for him to hear. The way he smiled at you makes you debate on whether you wanna kiss him in front of everyone or run and hide.
“Well you look good in it.” He says playing on the strings of the hoodie.
“Can I see you later?”
“You know you can’t.”
“Right, you have a date.”
“It’s not a date.”
“Then go tell him that.”
“No. Why would - I don't have time for this. I have to go study.”
“Study hard.” You don’t give a response, you just roll your eyes and walk away.
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This is a date. There was no point of lying to yourself anymore when you knew the answer. Shotaro’s handsy, not in the way that makes you uncomfortable, but in the way that if a stranger were watching they’d think that you were a couple.
Of course you don’t mind it when he slides an arm around your waist and pulls you close to him whenever a stranger passes by you. Or when he slips his hand over yours to lead you through the different activities.
In fact you think you might actually like it. The mood with shotaro is so light you feel like you're just floating. You’re happy, and you know you can most definitely get used to this.
“Look.” He says to grab your attention. You turn around and see he’s holding his phone to take a selfie with you. So easily you hold up a pose to match his expression and watch as he takes a few flicks.
He swipes through the pictures in front of you so you can see the results. Leaned against him with your arm looped around his.
“These are so cute.”
“You like them?”
“Mhm, send them to me.”
“Okay what do you wanna do next?”
“Um~” you hymn while looking, scanning around the area to see what catches your eye. Each station looks fun and interactive but when you see a coffee stand that has hot chocolate, your mind is made up immediately.
“Let’s get hot chocolate.” You look up at him and he’s looking down at you with his dark orbs.
“Hot chocolate it is.”
He leads you to the hot chocolate station and stands with you in line.
“Which one do you want?”
“Pumpkin with whipped cream.”
You wait in line, your arms remained tightened around Shotaro while he placed the order. You only pull your arms off of him when the person working the stand passes you your cup of hot chocolate.
“Oh look, it's Wonbin.”
Hearing his name is enough to perk your ears up. You hadn’t thought about him the whole night, and you really don’t wanna start now.
You follow Shotaro's eyes to see Wonbin standing not far away from you. He doesn’t notice you standing there until Shotaro calls out his name and signals him over to you.
Wonbin sees Shotaro first and then he sees you, shaking your head back and forth with widened eyes hoping that he’d take the hint and stay where he is. But he doesn’t, of course he doesn’t.
“Hey I didn't know you guys would be here.” Wonbin lied straight through his pretty lips.
“We were just hanging out.” Shotaro responds on your behalf
“I’ve been looking for you. I got our hot chocolate.” The same girl from yesterday stood right in front of you again. Wearing the same smile she had prior and a look in her eyes that tells you that she really really liked Wonbin.
“Thanks.” He says retrieving a cup from one of her hands and using his other hand to hold the hand he just freed.
You feel sick again, just as you did yesterday morning. The worst part is that you know that he knows because of the way he smirks darkly at you.
“Oh these are my friends.”
“Oh I know you guys, we have biology together. I always thought that you made the cutest couple.”
You smile and look up at Shotaro who’s also smiling.
“They aren’t dating.” wonbin sternly corrects her before she gets a chance to finish her sentence
“Wait really, you should y’all are so cute together.” She compliments again. Completely oblivious to the way wonbin turns his head and rolls his eyes.
“Wouldn’t they be perfect together?” She looks up at Wonbin for an answer.
“Yeah, I couldn't imagine her with anyone else.”
“Thanks everyone tells us that we should get together.” You smile up at shotaro hoping to make Wonbin at least half as upset as he made you.
“We should leave you love birds to finish your night.”
“Actually I think it would be fun for us to go through the haunted maze together.” You loop your arm back around Shotaro and smile at Wonbin.
“Oh my god, yes.” Wonbin’s date jumps and sequels.
The night was fun before and you had expected it to get even better, clinging on Shotaro as you walked in front of Wonbin and his date through the maze. Tightening your hold onto his arm each time another actor popped out. Or giggling about how brave he was, knowing that wonbin got to see everything.
You just wished that you could keep up the act for the entire night. Or at least not visibly roll your eyes when you hear a small voice behind you go “this is so scary, can I hold your hand.” It took everything in you not to turn around to see what was going on behind you.
The more you hear the conversation going on behind you the more you cling to Shotaro. Half attempting to make him jealous and half hoping that if you spent more time worrying about Shotaro you’d spend less time thinking about wonbin and the girl behind you, and not what they were doing.
Not that there was actually anything happening, wonbin was too occupied with watching you laugh and smile with Shotaro to even care about the girl that he invited simply to see you get mad again. Her hands on him went completely unnoticed as he poked his tongue through his cheek to stop himself from making any comments aloud.
When all of you finished the maze you were annoyed and so was he, but both of you were stubborn. So he wore a pretty fake smile when he wrapped his arm around the girl beside him and you did the same, intertwining your fingers with Shotaro's and smiling up to him about how fun the maze was.
You weren’t even trying to piss Wonbin off anymore, you were just trying to keep up the act that you started. Unsure of who you were doing it for. Were you trying to convince Wonbin, Shotaro or yourself?
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The night ends off with you in the passenger seat of his car, after he arrives at your apartment.
“I had so much fun, taro. Thanks for inviting me out.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself, I actually wanted to talk to you a little bit.”
“Yeah? What's up?”
“Well actually I’ve been thinking about this for a while. I just didn’t wanna make a fool of myself, but I was talking to the guys about it, and they said I should just do it. I don’t wanna make things weird though and actu-” you’re watching him in adoration as he rambles on and avoids eye contact with you.
“Do what?” you ask through your giggle
“Well I really like you, Y/N. I’ve liked you for a long time now and I like talking to you, spending time with you.”
“Yeah.” you speak gently, that’s what makes shotaro take a deep breath and finally look at you.
“I just wanted to ask if you’d like to be my girlfriend?.”
“I-“ you begin to speak but he’s quick to cut you off before you could even answer him.
“You don’t have to give me an answer right now, just think about it and let me know when you’re ready.”
“I’ll definitely think about it.” You reach to give him a kiss on his cheek.
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
What an eventful night, you think while walking into your apartment. Easily your feet shuffle to your bed and allow yourself to fall back.
Shotaros question leaves you confused. You wanted to say yes. It seemed like the obvious answer, and you would have agreed to his proposal the second he asked but the only thing standing in your way is Wonbin.
You turn in your bed and curl into a ball, taking the black garment beside you and using it as a pillow not noticing that it’s Wonbin’s hoodie until you recognize the large print written behind the hoodie.
Just as you throw the hoodie across the room there’s a knock at the door. It’s small and kinda shy so you think it’s shotaro and for the second night in a row you’re mistaken as you open to find Wonbin standing directly parallel from you.
You have nothing to say to him, you’re mad at him, you think. But you’re not entirely sure. You feel like you’re supposed to be upset and you’re supposed to be kicking him out of your apartment. You try to find the answer by just looking at him, but when you see him you see Wonbin. You love the man you see in front of you, and you hate that you do.
“Where’s your date?” You ask
“Probably at home.”
“Does she know you’re here?”
He invites himself in fully and closes the door behind him.
“I bet you'd like to know.”
“You were all touchy feely earlier, I’d think that you really liked her.”
“I don’t even know her name.”
“You’re a sick man,”
“You’re not any better, baby.
You knew you were just as bad. You were well aware. Both of you are using innocent people as pawns in this twisted game you liked to play.
“I’m not as bad as you.”
“So you don’t mind me telling shotaro about this?”
“Why would you do that?”
“Why shouldn’t i?”
He’s so close to you, that you feel his heat radiating on to you. But he’s not as close as you’d like him to be. That’s how you knew you were worse than he was. Because even with everything that just transpired tonight you wanted nothing more than to wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him until you're out of breath. Until his lips are red and swollen, until you finally understand what’s holding you back from fully committing to shotaro.
The question goes unanswered when your lips are tangled in his, not an inch in between your connecting bodies. Only thing to pull you away from each other is when you hear a single ring from your phone, telling you that someone texted.
You know who it is, and so does he. But it doesn’t stop you from pulling out your phone to check the message from shotaro telling you to sleep well.
This isn’t right, you feel at this exact moment that this isn’t right. You look up at Wonbin, your eyes easily finding him. Thinking that maybe this will set you straight. But all it does is remind you of how you got here in the first place.
Within a split second your lips are back on his again, they never leave. Even as he leads you to your bed to lay you down gently.
“This is the last time we’re doing this, so you better make it count.”
“Yes ma’am.” Is all he whispers in your ear before he begins leaving kisses down your collar bone.
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Mornings after spending a night with Wonbin were the exact reason that you kept this going for so long. There’s nothing in the world more comforting than the beating of his heart mixed with sounds of chirping birds and light of the morning sun sneaking into your apartment.
There once was a time when you’d swore you wanted to lay here for eternity. But something today is different, because with the birds chirping and the sun dimly shining and his arms wrapped firmly around you. It just doesn’t feel the same, you can’t tell what’s changed.
But you know that the more you lay in bed with him the more you feel wrong.
“You’re awake?” He peeks down at you with sleepy eyes. The ones you loved waking up to, at least you used to. You don’t know what’s switched in you, but honestly you don’t wanna know. Now you finally have the strength to end this cycle that you’ve started.
His eyes are trained on you and you sit up and lean against your headboard.
“You should go.” You didn’t mean for it to come out as a whisper.
“What?”
“I want you to leave.”
He doesn’t ask anymore questions but you can tell he’s confused. You’re watching him in silence as he slips his clothes back on and you grab one of your favorite oversized band shirts to throw on.
“Can I call you later?”
“You won’t get an answer.”
The room goes silent again, while he collects his shoes, wallet, and phone and makes his way to the door.
“Wait.” You stop him before he walks out.
It’s almost fun to you when you see him turn back to you with shadows of hope ghosting over his expression.
“You forgot this.” You tease,
walking to him with his black hoodie.
“Goodbye, Wonbin.” You reach to plant a chaste kiss on his cheek.
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Nobody notices how your eyes are glued to Wonbin when he takes a seat directly across from you. He pretends like he’s so focused on what Seunghan has to say but you know that’s not the case because when he laughs he looks at you.
It doesn’t occur to you until now that this whole kind of breakup thing isn’t going to be easy at all.
“So Y/N how’d your date go yesterday?” Karina turns the attention to you. You feel all eyes turn to your direction and including Wonbin’s who’s looking you through his eyebrows.
“We had a lot of fun.” You turn to shotaro hoping that maybe it will take your attention off of the man sitting across from you.
“Did you guys kiss?”
“You know they didn’t, they still act like 2nd graders when they touch hands.”
“Be careful, she’s not as innocent as she looks.”
Wonbin laughs while looking at you.
“Wait what? Y/n did you finally lose your virginity?”
The question causes you to cough aloud. Sure you weren’t innocent, but you definitely did not want to talk about your first sex experience in public to all of your guy friends and especially not with shotaro and Wonbin.
“I um… yeah, remember I told you guys.”
“Oh yeah, the guy from earlier this year. That you said made you wanna baby trap him with how good it was.”
“I don’t think I said all that.”
“Mm mm you said more.”
“I remember cause she was like-“
“Okay, that’s enough.” You stop them. Not only because it was a topic you’d rather not talk about in front of shotaro but also because the man that you wanted to “baby trap.” Was Wonbin
“Whatever happened to him?” Giselle asked
“She probably got bored and dropped him.” Wonbin snickers under his breath, not even bothering to look at you.
“Well, actually. I realized that we weren’t good for each other, and that I needed to be with someone who was good for more than just sex.”
“Amen girl.” Giselle adds
“Aww and now she has shotaro.”
“Honestly it sounds like an upgrade. What a douchebag.” Winter says while looking down at her food.
“But let’s be honest? Do you even like shotaro?” Wonbin blurts out. It takes not even 30 seconds for you to jump up and drag Wonbin away from the table by his wrist to a place where the rest of your friends can still see you but none of them can hear you.
All heads are turned towards the both of you as you yell at him for his unnecessary comments.
“What are they talking about?” Winter questions
“Don’t worry guys, I can read lips.” sohee says
“Okay she said something about the weather.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?” you ask frustratedly
“I just asked a question, but it clearly got you upset ” He smiles down at you.
“It’s none of your business.”
“Maybe not, but I feel like he deserves to know.” Wonbin gestures to shotaro who walks up behind you.
“What’s going on with you guys?”
“Nothing, we had a small argument yesterday and now he’s acting like a baby.” You answer shotaro while watching Wonbin.
“Do you need to talk it out?” Shotaro asks
“There’s nothing more to say.” Wonbin says nonchalantly while walking back to the table and grabbing his bag, throwing it over his shoulder while making his way past you.
“I’ll see you around.” Is all he says before walking off and leaving you and shotaro by yourself.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” You look down and notice shotaro’s hand is loosely wrapped around yours. You don’t really know when it got there but you figure that that’s the reason Wonbin decided to cut the conversation.
“I’m fine, sorry about all that.”
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After the entire incident with Wonbin you really only see him around campus. Neither of you are brave enough to talk to each other or at least apologize.
No matter how many times shotaro has explained to you that he didn’t find offense in Wonbin’s question. Or that he just wants you guys to work it out because he hates seeing his two close friends fight.
Part of you wants to just be honest with him and tell him what the whole fight was really about. But the rest of you thinks about the guilt you’ll feel when you see his reaction.
As far as the rest of the friend group went, things were pretty awkward. They’d only have one of you around at a time to avoid any blow up again.
As time goes on, the more you’re reminded that you guys had that rule about not dating within the friend group. And with each passing moment you feel guilty, because you never intended for things to get this far.
Even though this situation was extremely stressful you still had Shotaro’s question lingering in the back of your mind and with everything going on the answer seemed even clearer than ever.
Especially if Wonbin was no longer in the picture.
“So shotaro asked me to be his girlfriend.” you start
“It’s about time.” Ningning speaks
“When?” karina asks
“2 weeks ago, after we went to the festival.” you answer
“And what did you say?” giselle asks
“I didn’t give him an answer yet. He told me to think about it.” you respond
“What is there to think about?” winter questions
“I don’t know, we just had that rule about dating within each other and I didn’t wanna break it.” You lie.
“When we made that rule, it never applied to you and shotaro.” karina says, rolling her eyes
“Girl, two weeks is long enough to think about it, call him right now.” ningning says picking up your phone and throwing it in your lap.
“I can’t do that.” you argue
“Yes you can, and you will.” ningning states
“I’ll just text him.” you mumble
“No, you need to call him.” giselle says sharply
Ignoring them, you open your messages and begin to type out your message.
You: I’ve been thinking about it a lot. And I think I'm ready to finally be your girlfriend.
The second you send the text you throw your phone down on the bed. Hands shielding your face as if it could aid in the embarrassment you feel. The girls all squealed as the message was sent.
“Girl what are you scared of, he asked you.” ningning says laughing
“I know but it’s still scary, what if he changed his mind.” you say
“I’m sure he didn’t.”
Right after winter speaks you hear three bells come from your phone. To inform you that you got three new messages from shotaro.
The anticipation is killing you alive. On one hand you wanna know what he said and on the other you’re too afraid to pick up your phone.
“Girl answer the phone.” giselle says
“I can’t.” you say pushing the phone away from you
“Okay fine, I’ll do it.” Karina picks up the phone to read the messages. That’s when you finally uncover your face and watch their reaction carefully.
If their faces weren’t enough to tell you that something was wrong, the collective “oh.” Should’ve done it for you.
“What? What’s wrong?” you ask
“Umm you might wanna see this yourself.” karina says with a tight smile
They passed your phone back so you could see what was happening.
Wonbin: when you said you wanted to end things, i didn’t think this is what you meant
But honestly I’m glad you finally texted me, I really missed you.
I'd like to see how this works out
“Wow“ you sat there staring at your phone screen
“How did you even do that?” winter says, her brows furrowed
“I don’t know, I had both of their contacts pinned and I guess I accidentally chose the wrong one.” you stress
“Chose the wrong one?” giselle asks, her brow raised
“Wait, why would you even have Wonbin’s contact pinned? And what does he mean to end things?” karina asks, looking to the other girls
It’s true what they say. What’s done in the dark comes to the light. No matter how good you think you are at hiding. The truth always comes out eventually.
“Umm.” you trail off
You try to figure out how to say things while the four girls sit there waiting for an answer.
“We’ve been talking for a while.” you mumble
“Talking like how?” they start
“Did you guys have sex?” winter asks
“We’ve dabbled.” you mutter
“Literally what does that even mean?” ningning says, squinting at you
“Yeah.” you sigh
“How many times?” Giselle asks
“Uh like 3 times.” You’re not sure if it’s accurate but 3 is the first number that pops up in your head, and you start to nod your head when you see a couple of the girls nodding in agreement.
“Okay that’s not too bad.” giselle responds.
“A week.” You finish.
They let out a collective “damn.” Which told you that its definitely a lot.
“I didn’t know he had all that in him.” Karina says with widened eyes
“Oh he’s definitely got all that.” The thought makes you smile a little.
“Wait, you and Wonbin? As in the pretty boy who would flirt with a plant if it had eyes.”
“Yeah~”
“How did this happen?”
“I don’t know, I don't know one day we were just talking. Next day… he was in my bed. I thought that it’d be the first and only time but-“
“You just couldn’t stay away.” giselle speaks what you were thinking, causing you to shake your head in shame.
“How long have you guys been.. Y’know seeing each other.” winter questions
“Since like February.” you answer
“That’s 9 months.” Winter calculates
“Oh you sneaky bitch.” Ningning shakes her head
It takes but only a few minutes for other truths to be revealed.
“Is that why he blew up at the table? He’s the guy you wanted to baby trap?”
“Yeah.” You look down
“And you did have his hoodie on that day?”
You didn’t have anything to say for yourself, you were just ashamed.
“I can’t believe you lied to me. To my face.”
“She’s been lying to all of us.”
“Hold up… you said you had sex in your bed…” Ningning pauses “in this bed?” She points down gesturing to the bed.
“Yeah? Why?” Your question is answered when they all immediately jump off the bed and scream.
“Come on guys, I washed the sheets.”
“When’s the last time you guys hooked up?” winter asks
“Well I wouldn't call it hooking up, I’d say more love making, we have emotions between us when we do what we do.”
“Answer the question.” they yell at you collectively, you’ve always found it amusing how in sync they were.
“When I went to the fall festival with Shotaro.”
“Was this before or after he popped the question?” giselle asks
“After…” you say while looking to the side.
“Wow, you’re evil.”
“Poor shotaro. You’ve been cheating on him this entire time.” Ningning sighs
“We were never dating.” you say
“Yeah and you never will with this type of behavior.” She adds
“You and Wonbin? I’m still trying to imagine it.” Karina says
“I Can Girl, and it is not a pretty sight.” Giselle responds
The voices of the other girls are drowned out when you stare at the messages that Wonbin sent you. “I missed you.” Pops out the most to you. You bite your lip thinking about being exclusive with him.
While you’re still reviewing the text you see the text bubbles arise leaving you anxious to see what he’s about to say next.
Whilst going over the messages there’s a knock at the door. You along with all of the girls towards the door and they all turn to look at you.
“I think it’s your man.” Ningning teases
“God I hope not.”
“Well hurry and answer it.” Winter rushes you
Your feet drag towards the door, not really wanting to face him right now and especially not when you have your girls watching you.
However everything goes out of the window when you see his face. You don’t remember why you were fighting and start to question how you thought you could go without seeing him like this again.
“Oh guys, it’s wonbin. Ha ha.”
“What are you doing here?”
You don’t need to look to know that the girls are watching you like you’re on drugs. So instead of carrying this act on further you just stand back and let him in.
“Just.. come in.”
“You know what, now that I’ve seen it. I totally get it.” Karina admits
“Me too. They’d have the cutest babies.” Ningning exclaims
“Babies?” You question
“They’d be annoying too, please wear protection?” Winter adds
“Our babies wouldn’t be…” you stop when you realize what it is you’re saying. “There aren’t gonna be any babies.”
“Sure.” one of them say sarcastically
They all make their way to the entrance and start to leave. The last one to go is Ningning who looks at both of you one last time and says.
“No, you definitely chose the right one.” Before smiling at you and leaving you to answer Wonbin’s new set of questions.
“What’s she talking about?”
“We were talking about my apartment unit. I was questioning whether I got the right layout or not.”
Wonbin was right, you weren’t at all as innocent as you looked. Your ability to come up with a clever lie on the spot was a talent that you praised yourself on. All the practicing was really paying off.
“What made you change your mind? about us?” He placed his hands on each side of your hips and asked.
“Well we were talking and I realized that I couldn’t hide it anymore.”
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Boyfriend Wonbin was completely different from hookup Wonbin. PDA was his love language, which you were still getting used to.
The campus is full of students just trying to go about their day and get to their next activity. You easily blend in as one of those fairly busy students. Just making your way down the campus field when you hear your name being called from behind you.
“Let me walk you to class.” He says while cuffing your hands with his.
You hesitate to answer.
“Um okay.”
As soon as those words leave your mouth his fingers are intertwined in yours. Now walking through campus just simply holding hands has your heart racing.
Constantly looking over your shoulder to see if there’s actually eyes on you or if you're just hallucinating.
When your relationship was hidden you imagined things like this, holding his hand in public for everyone to see. Claiming him as yours. But now that you had the opportunity you were paranoid.
You’re not sure what you’re scared of until you see the girl who’s name you never learned, talking with her friends right in front of your class
“Text me when you get out of class.”
“Yeah.. okay.”
You say while still eyeing the brown haired girl opposite of him. You don’t know her but you feel extremely guilty about what you’ve dragged her into.
you only pull your eyes away when he uses his first two fingers and guides your face towards him. “I'm right here, baby.”
“don’t call me that, what if they hear you.”
“hear what? me talking to my girlfri-“
the second you begin to hear the “g” word you push your lips on his to shush him up. it wasn’t the best thing to do but it just happened instinctively.
and now you were beyond embarrassed.
“I'll see you later.”
When you turn away to go into class he pulls you back and places a softer kiss on your lips.
“Study hard.” he cheers you on as you walk into the classroom.
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“Do you have yesterday's notes, I left my laptop with Wonbin.” Shotaro nudges you.
“Yeah, of course. how is he by the way, it’s been a while since we talked.” you ask.
“really? I thought he said he was with you a few days ago?” he questions
“Umm, now that I think about it. We did hang out a little. I forgot about it for a second, sorry.”
“I'm glad you guys are getting along again.”
you feel it again, the guilt.
“I mean things are still a little awkward, we’re not that close.” You lie again.
“It’s still progress.”
It was definitely progress just not in the way that he thinks.
Your hour and 30 minute class felt like an eternity. With shotaro right beside you and wonbin’s former date in front of you, you felt like the walls were closing in on you.
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The second class is over, you make a run for it. Quickly tossing your bag over your shoulder and scurrying out before shotaro or anyone else could stop you. But as soon as you step out of the classroom door you’re met with a smiley Wonbin waiting patiently for you.
“How was class?” he asks while slipping his hands into yours and swinging his arms back and forth.
You’d love to just sit and talk with him, but only of course in the privacy of your apartment. Not here where Shotaro could easily see you, holding hands with the one person that you just told him you haven’t heard from.
Wonbin observes when you gently pull your hand from his and back away from him. “It was okay, I’m kinda busy though now. So I’m gonna-”
“Wonbin, what are you doing over here? Isn’t your class across campus?” shotaro walks out with an unknowing smile hanging between his cheeks.
“To pick up-”
“He said he was here to give you your laptop back.”
You stop him mid sentence and wrap your arm around his shoulder to stop him from grabbing your hand again. You can feel the heat of Wonbins eyes watching you but you try to ignore it as you keep focused on shotaro.
“I don’t have it with me.” he says confused,
The two of them standing in front of you at the same time makes your heart pound outside of your chest. Scared that Shotaro might reveal that he asked you to be his girlfriend, or that wonbin might uncover that you’re his girlfriend.. So what would anyone do in these kinds of situations? Lie. You were already doing that a ton these days.
“That’s interesting, well we’ll see you later. Wonbin and I have a project to finish up,” you say in a hurry, pulling Wonbin away by his wrist before either of them could question anything.
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Spending everyday hiding and lying to everyone was more tiring than you thought it'd be. But despite all of that there were a few positives to this relationship with your newfound boyfriend.. Things like sitting with legs horizontally across his lap while he goes over the notes for his history class.
There’s nothing to be said, it’s completely silent other than the sounds coming from the world outside of your apartment. You liked it this way. Just being in silence with him, skin on skin, heartbeats in sync. Your fingers playing in his hair out of habit, watching him carefully review the contents of his lap. When you notice a little black leather book hanging out of his bag.
“What’s this?” you say while leaning over to pick it up. Wonbin only looks up at you and then towards the book that you’re leaning to get and immediately he reaches to get it before you do.
“Just a notebook.” he says, holding it away from you.
“Well let me see it, it’s pretty.”
“It’s nothing.”
“Just let me see it.” you whine while pushing yourself further over top of him just to reach the notebook in his hand. By the time you finally get to the notebook, you let out a small giggle of victory. And run on the other side of the room.
The book isn’t too big, just big enough to fit into the palm of your hand with a small latch on the front and some small pattern art indented onto the front and the back. You don’t think to open it until he says “Okay, you’ve seen it. Give it back.”
“I’m not done looking.” you tease inspecting the book more, unlatching the hook to read the contents inside the book.
“Ooh Is this your poetry? I didn’t know you write.”
He’s talking but you don’t hear anything he says when you begin to read a random page of the small book aloud.
Fragile like a butterfly, soft like the petals of a healthy rose. You're stuck in my brain like lyrics to a catchy song. If you were a book I'd read you over and over again. If you were a movie I'd watch you repeatedly, but you don't have to be a book or a movie for me to enjoy watching you, reading the scriptures of your eyes like literature. feeling the texture of your skin as if you were made from braille. holding onto your hips as if the flesh of your body was the only source to eternal life. breathing in your scent as if you were made from the finest perfume.
cherishing you now, because I know I'll never find anything better.
“Aww you’re so romantic.” you tease again before finding another random page to read.
What do you call this?
the feeling I get in my stomach when I see you? the emotions I feel when you kiss me. the pit in my stomach when I see you smiling with someone else.
Is this what love feels like?
What do you call it when I start to smile to myself when I see something that reminds me of you.
when there's no one else in the world that makes me feel the way you do.
Is this what love feels like?
What do I do when you don't feel the same way? when loving you feels like self-inflicted torture. when you're both the remedy and sickness.
I hope this isn't what love feels like.
“Wait, is this…”you begin asking but trail off when you realize it's probably not what you’re thinking.
“All of these are about you.”
“Why?” you say the first thing that comes to mind, but retract shortly after you redirect the question. “I didn’t know you felt this way?”
You keep your eyes on him even as he stands up and walks over to you. “You really couldn’t tell?”
“How could I, when you’re always talking and flirting with someone new in front of me. Or that girl from the festival? You know you don’t really do a good job at showing people you care for them.”
“Okay so how do you feel?” he redirects the focus onto you.
“I really really like you obviously?” he’s looking at you but you’re trying to look everywhere else but in his direction. He’s watching you like he’s waiting for you to say something else, and you both know what he’s expecting you to say.
“I love you. I really love you. You don’t need me to tell you that.”
“I do, I need you to tell me everyday.”
By now you’re speechless. Not because you have nothing to say but because you have so much to say you don’t even know where to start. You could tell him that you’ve been in love with him for so long that it felt like forever or you could tell him that he’s crazy for not knowing how you felt about him. Or you could just kiss him, because that should be enough to say everything all at once without saying anything at all. And that’s what you choose.
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As more time goes on you feel that Ningning was right. You definitely did choose the right one, there wasn’t anyone else that fit you better than wonbin. Shotaro was close but he just wasn’t the same. You don’t know what it is about him that you love, but being with him just puts your mind at ease.
you’d gotten more comfortable with doing a couple things in public. things like holding hands, and kissing. that is of course until you spot shotaro walking up, that’s when you pull your hand away and make up some silly lie that you have to get something from your car.
or other times where you didn’t have time to run away so you just have to push wonbin away and lie about his hands being sweaty.
you were getting more creative with the lies.
“today we should go for frozen yogurt.” wonbin speaks while swinging your arms together.
“ooh i’ve been wanting ice cream.”
“I said frozen yogurt…“
“oh my god what is that?”
“what’s what?”
“I think I just saw a huge rat run that way, we’ll just have to take the stairs.”
“a rat?”
“yeah it was huge, come on. this way.” you try to hurry and pull him away but he isn’t budging. still searching for the rat that you claimed to have seen.
“where?”
there wasn’t a rat, it was just sohee. walking towards you with a bright teeth showing smile and glistening eyes. like he always does.
“Hey guys.”
“Sohee~” you drag out his name, as he approaches you and wonbin. By now you’d given up on trying to break physical contact with Wonbin. He shifted his hand from yours to wrapping his arm around your waist, and rested his chin right on your shoulder.
“Have you seen Shotaro?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
“Oh, He’s looking for you. By the way, how did you do in the history term?’
“I aced it.” you giggle excitedly.
“That’s my girl.” You blush when wonbin kisses your cheek as a reward.
“What about you?” Judging by his face you can tell that he didn’t do too well but you still wait for his answer giving him the benefit of the doubt.
“I think it’s time for me to find a new life path.” he trails off closer to the end.
“Oh come on it couldn’t have been that bad.” you say hopefully
“The professor told me to start looking for a new life path.”
“Oh…” both you and wonbin say at the same time.
“I’m thinking about maybe just starting my own bakery.”
“I didn’t know you baked?” wonbin adds
“I don’t, but I mean how hard could it be?” He finishes with a shrug of his shoulders
“You’ve burnt french fries in the microwave.” You remind him.
“I thought the tin foil would make it heat up faster.'' Sohee defends himself, but he really doesn't need to. You were there when Karina told him that putting foil in the microwave would save 99% of his time. And did he believe her? Well, yes. Yes he did.
“yea…” you start but you don’t really have anything to say. Sohee wasn't the brightest but he was adorable and he had a good heart.
“Anyways, I’m going to join the rest of the crew in the food court. You guys coming?” He asks
“Yeah, we’ll be there soon.” You answer.
“Kk bye.” he says while walking past you towards the food court.
—--
“Have you guys seen Y/N?” shotaro asks while sitting down at the table with his tray of food in his hands.
“I haven’t seen her all day, I don’t think.” Giselle answers while picking up her phone to see if you responded to the message she sent you earlier.
“Neither have I.” Ningning confirms while looking around the area.
“Did she come today?” karina ask
“I hope so, I asked her something a while ago and i’m waiting for her to give me an answer?” shotaro admits. His statement makes all the girls look at eachother, trying to come up with a way to cover for you without looking suspicious. Luckily just in the nick of time sohee walks over to the table with seunghan.
“Sohee, Have you seen Y/N?” Winter asks before he could even take a seat.
“Uh yeah she was with wonbin.” Sohee says without a second thought.
“Those two have been real close lately.” seunghan adds
Ningning, karina and winter all exchange looks while Giselle looks to shotaro to make sure he doesn’t pick up on what’s going on. “They’re not as close as you’d think.” she defends you
“Yeah, are you sure they were together?” Ningning questions, even though she knew the answer.
“Yeah. positive. I told her that shotaro was looking for her, and wonbin had his arm around her which I thought was weird but maybe- OW.’ sohee stops when Karina kicks him under the table.
“Are you really sure it was Y/n?”
“I’m very sure.” he says while looking around the table to find everyone giving him unbelieving stares. “Guys, come on, I know Y/n when I see her, I’m not stupid.” he looked around once again hoping that maybe someone would believe him but instead the table just burst into a collective laugh.
“Says the one who mixed bleach with ammonia and layed on the floor for five hours because you thought you were dead.” ningning giggles
“Says the one who thought Antarctica and amnesia were the same thing.” Giselle adds.
“Says the one who microwaved their fork and killed our microwave for the fifth time.” Seunghan comes in.
“What is it with you and microwaves?” Winter questions and causes the table to erupt in laughter again.
“Okay so I’m not mr einstein.”
“Far from it.” Suenghan says under his breath
“Like galaxies away from it.” winter mocks
“Oh come on? You guys have made mistakes too.”
“Yes, but none of us have put toothpaste on a cracked phone because a random youtuber told us to.” Winter responds
“I just know your guardian angels are stressed.” Karina laughs.
“Should I just call her?” shotaro speaks up and the whole table goes silent. The girls are trying to figure out what to say to keep him from stressing out too much over you, and sohee is still trying to think of a comeback that won’t get him clowned again.
“Yeah, or maybe just text her. She might be busy right now.”
You don’t know if “busy” was the word you’d use to describe what it was you were doing with wonbin in the janitor's closet, but you could definitely say you were too occupied to answer any phone calls, including one’s from Shotaro.
“Yeah, I’ll just text her.” he agrees lowly while pulling out his phone and shooting you a text. You heard your phone vibrate but you simply ignored it as wonbin continued to kiss you, pushing you further against the wall knocking down the brooms and mops beside you.
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After missing 20 minutes of your next class you finally get time to read the messages on your phone. Which makes your heart drop, you wonder if you’re ever going to get to a point in your relationship where you don’t feel guilty for being with wonbin.
Taro:) : Are you busy?
Taro:) : Can we talk?
You don’t even know how to answer him when you’re right beside wonbin. Who’s watching you read the messages with a frowned expression written all over your face.
“What’s wrong?” he asks while reading the text on your screen.
“Nothing.” you mumble while clicking your phone off and placing it in your back pocket. “I just have to hurry and get to my next class. I’m not usually this late.”
“What does he wanna talk about?” wonbin asks, not giving you the chance to escape the topic.
“I don’t know. It’s probably an assignment or something.”
“Assignments don’t usually make you this upset.”
“I’m not upset.” you shout just a little, enough to startle the both of you.
“I’m not too convinced.”
“There’s nothing wrong, I just have to go before I’m even more late than I already am.”
“Okay then let me walk you there,”
“I’m fine going by myself.” while walking away, your steps come out more like stomps as you get away from him. You didn’t mean to take your frustration out on him, you just needed time to yourself to think. There was only a matter of time before Shotaro asked for your answer, and you just didn't know what you were going to tell him.
You just didn’t expect that time to be now, as you run tight into shotaro not too far from where you left Wonbin.
“Hey? You’re here.”
“Yeah, Sorry I’m really late for class.” you rush, trying to avoid eye contact with him.
“Can we talk on the way?” He stops you so you can’t rush off again. He’s looking at you like he really needs to talk but you don’t know how to say “No.” Already knowing exactly what it is he wanted to talk about. “We’ll have to talk after class, I’m already super late. I’m sorry.” You slowly run holding up your hands together as a way to say sorry.
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You think you’ll find peace in your history lecture. Maybe learning about events that were completely irrelevant to you will make you forget about the web of lies that you’ve wrapped yourself into. However your thoughts are going a mile a minute, trying to think about how you’re going to approach Shotaro after class.
Anxiously tapping your pencil at your notebook, watching the numbers increase each time the minute changes and changing focus from the lecture to the small black notebook peeking out from under your other notebooks.
You’re trying to avoid its non-existent gaze on you, but it’s basically screaming “read me, read me.” so you obey. Slowly reaching to pick up the book and unlatch the hook. Going to read the very first page.
Being with you is like listening to the waves crash upon the shore's surface at night. Peaceful and calming, but I never know when the waves are going to crash too close. Serenity and excitement, you're like the different shades of green. like spring rain and winter snow, you're the beautiful parts of life that no one would ever want to live without.
Well that wasn’t a good idea, you think to yourself as you're now on the verge of tears in the middle of class. Yet it still doesn’t stop you from reading more confessions from the book. Turning pages as the seconds went by with more and more tears streaming down your cheek.
You find again that Ningning was right, not that you really needed any more convincing. But now it’s just too obvious, there’s no one else for you other than Park Wonbin and with that your mind's made up. Once you see Shotaro again, you’re just gonna be completely honest with him. No more lying, no more hiding and no more leading him on. You’re just going to tell him everything.
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“Yeah sure you can come over tonight.” You smile at Shotaro.
Well that wasn’t the plan. It seemed so much easier when you were only thinking about it, but seeing his face light up when you called his name, and the excitement that lingered in his voice when he asked to come over got the best of you. That feeling of shame teasing at you once again.
So now here you are, alone in your apartment with shotaro. It’s funny to think that you were just here in this same place with wonbin the night prior. Actually funny isn’t the word you’d use to describe it, maybe more like nauseating. The way he’s looking at you, the way you wish it were your boyfriend here filling his place instead. The way you feel the words sit heavy on your tongue but you just can’t seem to say them aloud.
“I’m dating Wonbin.” you think to yourself over and over again. If you think about it long enough you’ll just say it eventually. But you don’t, it never comes out. In fact nothing really comes out. The room is filled with awkwardness, you feel it and shotaro does too. The kind of awkwardness that you’ve never felt with shotaro before and you don’t know how that makes you feel.
Well you know it doesn’t feel good, that’s for sure. You never wanted your relationship with wonbin to change your relationship with the rest of your friends and especially not Shotaro. But things happen, and it’s funny how they do. Because Shotaro was here first, you had a crush on him for the longest time, when did it change from you and Shotaro to you and wonbin.
“You missed it, everyone was making fun of Sohee and microwaves today.” Shotaro speaks up trying to cover the weird silence, but you don’t help when you only laugh lightly.
“Do you remember when he thought he had superpowers and could see at night.”
“And he fell down the stairs.” you finish his sentence off. “Yeah that was so funny. He’s so funny.”
It’s not as quiet anymore but god is it still really awkward. You know all of this could be solved if one of you addresses the elephant in the room, and you hoped it would be him because you just didn’t have the balls to do it.
“So…”
“Yeah.” you hurriedly speak, assuming what he’s going to say.
“There’s an art exhibit tomorrow happening near the school.” You can’t help the way your heart drops when he begins to talk. “I already got 2 tickets, hoping that maybe we could go together.”
“Fuck.” you think. That’s definitely not what you were expecting him to say, and now you’re trying your best to control your facial expression. This should’ve been the time for you to come clean, for you to just lay it all out. But you’re a coward, so instead you give him a small smile and agree to go on yet another date with him.
Was this cheating? You’re not sure but it’s definitely debatable. Going on a date with a friend that you knew was very into you while you had a boyfriend. But does it count if he wasn’t supposed to be your boyfriend in the first place?
It was wrong, that’s for sure. But to be honest, when have you done anything right? You see the way he leaves your apartment with a hopeful expression. Knowing that he’s gonna go back to his place and think about you.
And that’s the very thought that keeps you up all night.
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“You look like shit.” Ningning says as she approaches you. She was right, you had bags under your eyes, you’d thrown on a random t-shirt and you didn’t even bother to fix your hair this morning.
“Thanks.”
“Sorry, I mean. Ooh you look like shit, what happened?” she says in a gentler, more sincere tone this time.
“I just couldn’t sleep last night.”
“Damn, ya’ll went all night?” she whispers this time.
“What? No. I just couldn’t sleep.” you choose to leave out all the details as to why you were up most of the night.
“Are you going through withdrawals?”
“Withdrawals?”
“You know…” she motions her arms into a humping motion “withdrawals.”
“Why is everything about sex with you?”
“I don’t know actually?” she turns her head to the side as she actually begins to think about your question.
“Anyways, what are you doing later today?”
“Shotaro and I are going to see the art exhibit?”
“You and Shotaro?” she asks with one eyebrow cocked up.
“Like a date?” she continues.
“I think that’s what he thinks.” you sigh.
“So, you still haven’t told him yet?”
“I just can’t find the right words.” your lips go into a pout.
“I’m. Fucking. Wonbin. Three words.” she says putting an emphasis on the first three words.
“It’s not that easy?” you throw your hands up.
“Okay so how are you going to tell wonbin?” she asks, referring to your date with Shotaro.
“Tell me what?” wonbin walks up behind you casually wrapping his arms around your waist and greeting your cheek with a kiss.
“Tell you about how much she loves you” Ningning gleams.
“That I have a date with Shotaro.” You state bluntly.
“A date?” he asks, pulling himself away from you.
“Well he thinks it's a date.” you add before he could get too upset.
“And I think it’s my time to go.” ningning says, pointing her thumb in another direction before sneaking off.
“Why does he think that?” Wonbin asks, and you could see that he was very obviously getting irritated.
You take your time to answer him, not knowing exactly how to put it.
“I haven’t told him… about us.. Yet.” you drag out, while playing with the hem of your shirt, and avoiding eye contact.
“And why not?”
“Well he asked me to be his girlfriend.” you admit looking to the side.
“And?”
“I still haven’t given him an answer?” you spill out yet another confession.
“Do you like him?”
“Not anymore.” you look up gaging his expression.
“Not anymore?”
“Well, to be honest. Shotaro had asked me to be his girlfriend, and he told me to think about it. And when I thought about it I figured that I should just be with him, because I didn’t think that you really cared about me so I went to text him but I accidentally texted you and now we're dating.”
“Wait, what?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for this to happen. But I don’t like shotaro like that. I love you, it’s been you for a long time.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I’m really sorry wonbin, please understand.” you plead, reaching for his hand but he’s quick to snatch it away.
“Have fun with Shotaro, Y/N,” is all he says before he walks away.
Great, you looked and now you felt like shit. You really didn’t mean for any of this to happen, and now you don’t know what you’re gonna do. You also don’t know why it took this for you to realize just how much you really loved wonbin. Because seeing him pull his hand away from you and the pain in his eyes was enough to knock the wind right out of your lungs.
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You’re walking with Shotaro through the exhibit seeing art that’d usually have you in awe, but at the moment you just don’t have enough energy to really care about the beautiful pieces in front of you. Just small hums here and there when shotaro expresses how interesting he thinks everything is. It only takes a few bland answers for him to finally stop you and ask what’s wrong.
“You seem down? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah…”
“What’s wrong?”
Before you thought of Shotaro as a lover, he was your friend. You used to feel comfortable telling him anything, and you missed that. Really because right now, you could use your friend.
“Wonbin broke up with me.” you let out, and he pauses before he says anything.
“What do you mean?”
“I haven’t been completely honest with you.” you say
“Okay?”
You wanna tell him everything, but you don’t know where to start. So, you start at the beginning. You tell him that the both of you have been seeing each other for months, you explain everything that happened after the festival, and you tell him about the contact slip up.
“Umm, wow.”
“I’m sorry I should’ve told you all of this sooner, I just didn’t wanna ruin anything.”
“So you like, really like Wonbin?”
“I do yeah.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Huh?”
“Go get him, go.” He rushes you off. And you listen to him, heading towards the exit with your phone in your hand, and Wonbin’s contact on your screen. You tried calling him a few times but it went directly to voicemail each time.
When calling doesn’t work you decide to just show up in front of his apartment. You had a game plan on the way there but everything went out of the window when you were standing there face to face with his door. You hold your hand up to knock but you don’t, instead you just keep your hand up contemplating if this is a good idea or not. After a few seconds you tap the door a few times with your knuckles and wait to see if he’ll answer the door.
When he doesn’t you knock again, and gasp when he opens the door on the second knock.
“What?” Is the single word that leaves his mouth when sees you.
“I told Shotaro about us,” You say quietly, hoping that it would be enough for him to forgive you.
“Us?” He questions, and that’s when you audibly hear your heart drop and shatter. Tears are threatening to fall and your hands begin tugging at your clothes.
“Please don’t do this Wonbin.” you cry.
“I’m only correcting the mistake you made.” He speaks bluntly showing no reaction to your tears.
“I already told you that I only want you. I only agreed to date him because I thought my feelings for you weren’t reciprocated.” you explain.
“How do you expect me to feel knowing that you never had intentions to be with me, knowing that you were going to choose him instead?”
“You can’t blame me for having my doubts,when before we got together you were flirting with every girl on the campus.”
“Only to get a reaction out of you.” he confesses
“Why would you do that?”
Wonbin had a horrible way of communicating, so rather than just telling you that he really wanted to be with you, he talked and entertained random innocent girls where he knew you could see him. Thinking that if you got upset you’d do something about it. Plus he loved seeing you get all mad and possessive over him.
“I don’t know, I just wanted to know how you felt.”
“I love you wonbin, god I really fucking love you. If you’re ever wondering how I feel just ask me. I hate seeing you with someone else-” You stop for a moment when you notice how he’s looking at you. His expression is very different from the one he had when he opened the door a few moments ago.
It’s softer now, he’s watching you like he can read the words that leave your lips. It's similar to the look he usually gives you when he's listening to you talk about something you care about, but this one is more intense.
“It makes me wanna rip my heart out of my chest.” you finish.
He’s not saying anything, and it scares you. Part of you wants to read his mind, find out what he’s thinking. And the rest of you? Well, you want to disappear.
“Please say something.” you almost whisper, feeling the urge to cry again after your first set of tears begin to dry.
Instead of saying anything he gradually gets closer to you while maintaining eye contact, and it has your heart racing because he still isn’t saying anything. The only time your heart calms is when he gently places his lips on yours and pulls you into his apartment by your waist.
This kiss feels different than all the other kisses you’ve shared, this time you didn’t feel like you were doing anything wrong, it was romantic and honest. Filled with passion and pure love, the kiss feels like the kisses described only in fairy tales.
“Does this mean you forgive me?” you ask when you break the kiss, smiling at his pink soft and swollen lips.
“I forgave you the second you knocked on the door.”
195 notes · View notes
prdx-invdr · 10 months ago
Text
୨୧⸝⸝﹕if you call me a fool, then i’ll be a fool.
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SUMMARY! you’ve been in love with park wonbin since the day the two of you met and never found the courage to tell him. why is it that you find yourself yearning to confess the moment someone else comes into the picture?
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PAIRING! park wonbin x fem!reader
GENRE! college!au, slice of life, fluff, angst (an attempt was made), friends to lovers, IDIOTS to lovers omg WC 8.1k
WARNING! swearing, jealousy, y/n likes wonbin an insane amount girl get up, insecurity, anton instigates like it’s his job and he’s up for a promotion, random female idol is mentioned many times (nothing against her!!), not proofread
NOTE! do u guys know what song the title is from lol.. LOL also i had another wonbin fic i wanted to post and deleted it bc it sucked so actually im posting this one as a coping mechanism
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you don’t realize the way you’re staring at the back of wonbin’s head until a voice snaps you out of your trance. “do you know what you want?” shotaro asks you, waving a hand in front of your face.
currently, the two of you, along with wonbin, seunghan, and anton, are standing in line at a beverage kiosk. the latter, having already received his drink, stands to your right while shotaro stands to your left. seunghan recites his order to the employee while wonbin stands idly behind him.
“don’t even bother asking,” anton chortles, lips still wrapped around his straw. “she’s probably gonna have wonbin order for her, like always.” you lightly slap him in the arm after the words leave his mouth, eyes darting to the aforementioned boy standing merely 2 inches in front of you, hoping he hadn’t heard anton’s teasing.
“i didn’t even say anything wrong! he orders for you all the time!” the boy whines, jokingly rubbing his arm where you had hit him.
shotaro lets out a curt laugh at the interaction, knowing that anton’s words held truth to them, whether you liked to admit it or not. “it’s because she’s shy. right, y/n?” he turns to you, attempting to diffuse your embarrassment. one look at the smile on his face and anyone would be able to tell that his words were complete bullshit. the two of you knew that the real reason you liked having wonbin order for you was because you liked him.
however, for your own sake, you sigh and choose to agree with shotaro’s statement, only offering a small nod. “whatever,” anton mutters under his breath, walking over to seunghan who has his own beverage in hand.
now that you, shotaro and wonbin were the only people in line, shotaro grabs your sleeve and gently pulls you backwards, putting more distance between the two of you and the boy who was now placing his order. before shotaro says anything, you know what the topic of conversation is going to be.
“do you ever plan on telling him?” is all he inquires, his voice lowering to a whisper. you avoid his piercing gaze, instead turning to look at anton and seunghan, laughing in between sips of their respective drinks. anton is already nearly finished with his, you note.
when you’re done observing them, you shift your attention to wonbin, who has his arms crossed as he points at one of the cup sizes the kiosk has on display, indicating that it’s the one he wants.
you’re unable to see his face but you’re able to picture it better than anything. the way his lip quirks upwards in an attempt to be polite to the employee. the furrow of his brow as he asks a question.
shotaro sighs at your silence and finds it astonishing how you’re able to ogle wonbin without even looking at his face. that very sigh brings you back into reality, finally meeting the gaze of the boy currently interrogating you.
“he… doesn’t think of me that way,” you slowly tell him, as if the words would physically pain you if you uttered them too quickly. shotaro lets out a noise you can only assume was meant to be a scoff, but being passive aggressive simply doesn’t run in his blood.
“are you kiddi-“ shotaro is interrupted by wonbin holding a drink in front of your face, thus putting a barrier between the two of you. “here, y/n,” the long haired boy hums, not moving from his spot until you take the beverage filled plastic cup. if you didn’t have park wonbin tunnel vision, as shotaro likes to call it, you’d see the way anton is shaking his head and letting out a short laugh in disbelief upon witnessing the interaction. “called it,” he tells seunghan, who only blinks in confusion.
“i wasn’t sure which one you wanted, but i remembered that time we went to that other drink place and you said you really liked the strawberry one, so i got you that,” wonbin explains, holding his own straw up to his mouth. he says it nonchalantly, as if you could either finish the drink in about 5 seconds before proclaiming how much you enjoyed it, or you could throw it to the ground and curse at him for assuming the flavor you wanted, and he wouldn’t flinch either way.
“um— yes— yeah, i..” you stutter, and shotaro swears it takes everything in him not to slap his own forehead at your sudden jumpiness. “i like it, thank you. you didn’t have to, wonbin,” you exhale, holding your drink with both hands.
“yeah, well, force of habit, you know?” the boy laughs. “since i’m always ordering for you anyway.” his words cause you to tense and you can just picture anton’s shit-eating grin after he heard what wonbin said. “right, yeah,” you nod, wanting the conversation to be over with. the 5 of you continue walking throughout the mall, seunghan complaining about what a ridiculous amount of time you had all just spent at that beverage kiosk.
“force of habit is crazy,” anton decides to tease you again, earning another slap on the arm. “stop hitting me!”
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besides ordering drinks for you when you hadn’t requested for him to do so, anton has noticed that wonbin also tends to subconsciously let you get away with… a lot.
he doesn’t even attempt to hide the way he rolls his eyes when he walks into the living room and sees none other than you and wonbin, the latter seated on the carpeted floor while you’re situated on the couch behind him, playing with his hair.
“i shouldn’t have come in here,” he mutters, barely audible. he’s unsure if he wanted you and wonbin to hear him, but your head snaps in his direction nonetheless. “hey, anton,” you greet him despite knowing that he’d have a lot to say about your current position. he nods his head in acknowledgement before pursing his lips. you brace yourself for whatever comment he’ll inevitably make next, morphing your lips into a straight line.
“you know,” anton starts, and you’re already holding back the urge to groan. “wonbin never lets any of us touch his hair like that.”
“right, because you guys are always so eager to play with my hair, huh?” wonbin quips sarcastically. anton shrugs, although wonbin isn’t looking at him. “so you’re saying if we wanted to, we could?” anton questions, moving across the living room to grab his phone charger, finally remembering why he had walked into the room in the first place.
“nah,” wonbin replies, “not sure why you’d want to, anyway.”
“i don’t see you questioning why y/n wants to do it,” anton insists, already making his way out of the room, pausing momentarily to hear wonbin’s response.
“she doesn’t need a reason,” his older friend says, “she’s y/n.” anton shakes his head and continues on his way. you resume treading your hand through wonbin’s hair as if nothing had happened, but unbeknownst to the boy sitting in front of you, your heart rate had increased at his words.
“he’s just jealous,” wonbin jokes. you only let out a short laugh in response. you wonder how he would react if you informed him that anton had actually sprung up that conversation because he knows about your tremendous crush on the raven haired boy.
“do you think you’d ever go blonde?” you inquire, changing the subject. he lets out a snort and tilts his head to look back at you. you’re grinning, trying to ignore the way your heart does somersaults in your chest.
“i don’t think the world is ready for that,” he laughs.
“what are we laughing about in here?” a voice sings from the door way, ripping your attention away from wonbin. you turn to the perpetrator and lock eyes with sungchan, who sends you a smile. you wave at him and he takes it as an invitation to sit himself down on the couch beside you.
“nothing much,” wonbin answers. your hands finally retreat from his hair and you miss the way his shoulders slump in response.
“right,” sungchan nods, turning his attention to whatever you and wonbin are watching on tv. in actuality, neither you nor him have been paying the television any mind for at least an hour, and only now do you realize that some sort of ocean documentary has been playing this whole time.
a few minutes of silence proceed before sungchan clasps his hands together and stands up from the couch abruptly, startling you.
“man, this has been boring,” he announces, eyes darting between the two of you, seated in the same positions as when he first entered the room. “do you guys even talk?”
“we were, actually, before you walked in,” wonbin mutters, not meaning for his words to come out as sourly as they do. sungchan raises his hands in the air in defense. “hey, my bad. i didn’t realize the two of you were having an ocean documentary date,” he retorts.
“we’re not having-“ you’re about to correct him, only for him to cut you off.
“but, you know, bin,” he says, “i’m not sure how sangah would feel about you having a movie date with another girl.”
you feel like your entire world freezes over the moment you hear those words leave sungchan’s mouth. you quickly rid your face of your crestfallen expression, not wanting to give yourself away.
“who?” you can’t stop yourself from asking, and sungchan just stares at you. wonbin waves his hand dismissively, shaking his head in annoyance. “shut up, dude.”
“wait, y/n doesn’t know about sangah?” sungchan asks, a genuinely confused look crossing over his features. “i thought you guys told each other everything.”
wonbin groans in irritation. “i haven’t told anyone, actually, because it doesn’t matter. you only know because you’re nosy as fuck.”
sungchan chuckles, and you would attempt to let out a halfhearted laugh if you didn’t feel like your chest was aching. you lick your lips and stare questioningly at the side of wonbin’s head.
“look, bro,” sungchan gestures towards you, causing wonbin to turn around and meet your disheartened eyes. his face drops slightly, and you’re not in the correct headspace to try and pinpoint why. “she’s upset because you didn’t tell her!” his friend chimes.
wonbin shakes his head, still looking at you. “she’s just some girl,” he huffs. “i don’t even know her that well.”
you scoff before plastering a wobbly smile onto your face. “i’m not upset,” your voice quivers and you hope that wonbin doesn’t notice it. you’re not sure why he decides to reassure you about sangah— whoever that is— but you pray that it’s not because he’s known about your pathetic crush on him all this time and is now feeling bad for you because he’s currently seeing someone.
of course, only your cruel mind could formulate such a sickening thought.
“i’m just.. surprised,” you conclude with an unconvincing nod. wonbin closes his eyes in annoyance, and you know it’s because of his intrusive friend standing in the doorway. “sungchan, just stop spreading shit around, alright?” he gives him a tired look, finally getting up from the floor. as wonbin makes his way past sungchan in the doorway, the taller boy gives him a playful slap on the shoulder. with wonbin having left the room, you find yourself looking to sungchan with urgency.
“who is sangah?” you plead, trying to keep your emotions at bay. the boy furrows his eyebrows, confusion settling into his features once more. “why do you care, y/n?” he asks. you know that his question doesn’t come from a place of mockery, but rather genuine interest. it hits you in that moment that sungchan, as smart as he is, happens to be absolutely terrible at taking a hint.
somehow, when it came to the long lasting feelings you harbored for one of his closest friends, sungchan was none the wiser. you surmise that he wouldn’t have teased wonbin so openly about another girl had he known about your feelings for the long haired boy.
that, you suppose, you can’t really blame him for.
“um,” you start, “he’s one of my closest friends.” your words are spoken through gritted teeth and clenched fists. “i’m just curious, you know?” the lie comes out easier than you think it should’ve.
sungchan hums, crossing his arms and giving you a curt nod. “just some girl,” sungchan tells you, repeating wonbin’s words from a few minutes ago. “yoon sangah. she’s in our music fundamentals class. like, 2 days ago, i think, she wrote her instagram handle on a slip of paper and gave it to wonbin right in front of me.” your face falls for what seems like the millionth time in the past 10 minutes. you can only offer the tall boy a nearly inaudible hum in response.
“do you think it’ll lead to anything? you know, between her and wonbin?” again, you can’t stop yourself from asking. you feel sick at the thought of playing into the role of ‘jealous, overthinking girlfriend’, and even sicker at the fact that you and wonbin aren’t even dating. what right do you have to be inquisitive about his love life?
still, you can’t help it. when sungchan takes a bit longer to respond to your question you fear you’re treading on dangerous territory, afraid that even the dense boy you’re conversing with may have cracked the code. the grin that he aims at you a few seconds later serves as reassurance that, no, he still doesn’t know anything.
“that’s a good question, y/n dearest,” he pats your shoulder lightly. “i guess only time will tell.”
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you hate yourself for what you’re doing right now.
looking back on the conversation you had with sungchan hours prior to this moment, you recalled him mentioning that sangah had given wonbin her instagram. thus, like any normal person would do in your situation, you took it upon yourself to go through wonbin’s following list in an attempt to find her.
you scroll past your own account, past the accounts of your mutual friends, and a few people who you presume are some of wonbin’s classmates.
when you finally stumble across sangah’s account, your body fills with dread before you even see a proper photo of her.
judging by her profile picture alone, you can tell that she’s pretty. you’re fully looking at her profile now, and your frown only deepens. she’s beautiful.
you shake your head as if it would help ease your racing mind. she’s beautiful, yes, you think, but looks aren’t everything. you find yourself childishly crossing your fingers that sangah had the personality of an evil witch, so that even if wonbin fell victim to her physical charm, he’d be pushed away by her true nature.
you let out a quiet scoff. you can’t believe you’re sitting here thinking badly about another girl just because she might have a crush on the same man you’ve been in love with since the day you met him. in the same sense, you can’t believe that when you say that sentence out loud, it actually sounds a bit reasonable. you blame sungchan, for a moment, drawing the inference that you wouldn’t feel so insecure right now if it hadn’t been for his previous teasing.
you can’t stop yourself when you click on one of sangah’s posts. she doesn’t have many, but the few that she has have seemed to gather thousands of likes. despite this, you take note of the fact that wonbin doesn’t have any of them liked— thank god, you think to yourself. you start to analyze her photos, the faces she makes at the camera, the outfits she wears, the way her hair is styled. when studying her facial expressions, you wonder if she’s made those same faces while looking at wonbin. when taking her outfits into consideration, you wonder if wonbin has seen her wearing any of them and thought she looked particularly nice. whilst examining her hair, you resist the urge to rip out your own. it’s perfect. she’s perfect.
she’s perfect, and from what you can tell, you aren’t anything like her. so what does that make you?
you move to close the app, feeling filled to the brim with self doubt when you suddenly freeze as your phone vibrates. you hesitantly open your dms and your eyes widen as they fall upon the newest message.
[3:02 AM] 1bin_02: why are u awake
your heart races and you momentarily contemplate if wonbin had somehow set up a security camera in your bedroom without your knowledge because how on earth did he know?
you don’t ponder on the matter for long, the aforementioned boy sending another message merely a few seconds later.
[3:02 AM] 1bin_02: u have ur activity status turned on btw
exhaling a breath of relief, you type a response to him.
[3:03 AM] you: why are U awake park wonbin
[3:03 AM] 1bin_02: i just woke up like 5 minutes ago. my y/n senses were tingling and my unconscious body felt a disturbance
[3:04 AM] 1bin_02: kiddinggg
[3:04 AM] 1bin_02: but fr why are u awake
you hold your breath as you type out your next response, choosing to be daring. you decide that, even if it’s only for a few seconds, you’re no longer going to be a coward.
[3:06 AM] you: i was thinking about u
[3:06 AM] 1bin_02: ditto
[3:07 AM] 1bin_02: i know im amazing and everything but don’t let me stop u from getting ur beauty rest 🙄 jk
[3:07 AM] 1bin_02: gn dummy
you decide against saying anything else, shutting off your phone with a sigh. you are a dummy, you think, and the boy who had just given you that title has no idea that it’s all because of him.
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you’re exhausted the next day, concluding that being awake at 3 in the morning despite knowing that you had a class at 8AM was not the best idea.
wonbin is quick to take note of this, poking you on your side as the two of you follow your usual route to your next lecture of the day. “i bet someone regrets staying up until 3AM, hm?” he doesn’t bother to hide his smirk as you swat his hand away. “like you weren’t up at 3AM, too,” you mutter. he clicks his tongue in response. “that was only for a few minutes,” he says, “who knows how long you were awake for, though.”
before you’re forced to dignify wonbin with a response, anton and seunghan walk up to the two of you, the latter offering a wave while the former only smiles.
“where are we headed, guys?” seunghan asks, throwing an arm around wonbin. the boy attempts to shrug him off to no avail. “anton and i wanted to go get drinks and we were wondering if you guys wanted to come with,” he grins before quietly adding, “and maybe also pay for them.”
you laugh and wonbin turns to you upon hearing it, letting out a playful scoff of his own. “can’t, y/n has class in 10 minutes or so,” he turns to the two boys who now have their eyebrows raised in apprehension. “that’s where we were headed,” he finishes.
“and you’re walking her there,” anton nods, his words posing as more of a statement than a question. you can only dramatically roll your eyes. wonbin doesn’t seem to pick up any undertones, only nodding in response. “i might be able to tag along afterwards, though. no promises.”
“well, anton,” seunghan sighs, turning to his friend, “we’ll just have to take shotaro inste-“
the boy is cut off by the sound of a girlish voice calling out wonbin’s name. all 4 of you turn around in unison, and you feel like your heart has physically sunken into the floor. sangah.
wonbin’s at a loss for words for a moment and you want to run away more than anything. you’re not prepared to see the two of them interact, especially after looking at her instagram page last night. “hey, sangah,” is all he says, a smile plastered on his face that pains you to look at.
the girl is practically beaming. “what are you up to?” she grins, her eyes not daring to look anywhere but him. his eyes flicker to you momentarily, who is struggling to breathe.
“i’m walking her—” he gestures to you and sangah finally looks away from him, eyes now trained on yours, “to class. well, i was, before these two showed up.” wonbin waves a hand in anton and seunghan’s direction, the two boys adorning matching confused expressions on their faces. nobody moves a muscle for a few seconds and you’re afraid that your rapid heartbeat can be heard atop of the pin-drop silence.
“oh! my bad,” wonbin clears his throat, “guys, this is sangah,” he gestures towards the girl, “sangah, this is… guys.” he gestures towards his friends. “and y/n,” he gestures towards you for the second time, giving you a tap on the shoulder for good measure. sangah’s mouth forms an ‘o’ and she reaches out to shake your hand. you’re positive that if it weren’t for the freezing hallways of your university, your hands would be sweating, so you silently thank whoever’s in charge of the ac for seemingly always having it cranked up to the max. you and the girl shake hands, her smile noticably brighter than yours.
“nice to meet you, y/n,” she says. “you, too,” is all you’re able to respond with, smile tight.
“nice to meet you guys, too,” she waves at anton and seunghan with both hands and they wave back, offering their own respective greetings in return. awkward.
you cough, attempting to break the silence. “this has been fun,” you press your lips together for a second, “but i’ve gotta get to class. hope you guys have fun at that drink place later, or whatever,” you trail off, the last part of your sentence aimed towards anton and seunghan. “and it was nice meeting you, again,” you add, making eye contact with sangah. she smiles. you don’t say anything to wonbin as you attempt to squeeze past him, but he grabs your arm. “i’m walking with you, remember?” he says. you resist the urge to look at sangah or anyone else in your vicinity for that matter, surprised at his words. this random girl who’s obviously into him is standing only a few inches away and wonbin still insists on walking you to class.
“it’s okay,” you shake your head, unsure. wonbin can tell that you’re beginning to feel upset and he desperately wishes that sangah and even seunghan and anton were anywhere but here. “y/n-“ he starts, you cut him off. “it’s fine, wonbin,” you reaffirm. it isn’t, though.
you begin to walk in the direction of your class and release a breath that you hadn’t known you were holding. deep down, you wanted wonbin to disregard your words and resume walking with you, leaving sangah and his friends standing in the hallway. but wonbin was too polite for that, and you couldn’t even turn around to see if he had continued to engage in conversation with the 3 of them because you felt tears forming in your eyes. stupid, stupid, stupid, you think to yourself.
unbeknownst to you, sangah was able to sense the tension in the atmosphere before anyone had even said anything to her. she kisses her teeth, scratching the side of her head. “i should probably go, too,” she tells wonbin. the boy can tell that she would’ve liked to talk more, but he wasn’t looking to become friends or even acquaintances with her. doing that would only give her the wrong idea, and he didn’t want to have any bad blood with someone he’d be forced to see nearly everyday in class. the boy nods in understanding, giving her a wave. “nice.. talking to you,” he bids her farewell, unsure of what to say, because whatever had just transpired definitely did not qualify as a conversation. the girl waves back with an unwavering smile, walking in the opposite direction you had gone.
“oh, man,” seunghan lets out a laugh he had been holding in, “that was the worst. please don’t ever put me through anything like that again.” anton silently agrees, cringing.
“is it just me,” wonbin starts, ignoring his friend’s remark, “or did y/n seem kind of upset before she left?”
anton stretches his arms slightly, eyes looking anywhere but at his dark haired friend. “wonder why that might be,” he muses under his breath, but wonbin catches it. “what do you mean?” he pushes, looking his younger friend in the eye. anton puts his hands in the air in mock surrender.
“anton, what the hell do you mean?” wonbin asks again, voice tinged with annoyance. anton shakes his head, “figure it out.”
seunghan watches his friends go back and forth, a bit confused himself. much like sungchan, he seems to be completely oblivious when it comes to the way you feel about wonbin.
you’re currently sitting in class wondering why you even bothered to show up.
you knew before you even sat down that you wouldn’t be able to process a single word of the lecture, your mind thinking over your first official encounter with sangah.
ever since last night, you’ve started to dread moments like these— none of your friends being around to distract you, leaving you alone with your own miserable thoughts. it feels as though each minuscule moment of silence is filled with your insecurities being pushed to the forefront of your mind.
what did they talk about after you had left? did seunghan and anton decide to leave shortly after, leaving wonbin and sangah alone? did they grow closer in the small amount of time they were left together? even worse, what if the amount of time they spent together wasn’t small at all? oh god, what if they’re still together right now?
had anton, seunghan or, worst of all, wonbin decided to invite sangah to their aforementioned drink hangout? your mind drifts to the image of wonbin ordering a drink for sangah, the same way he always does for you, and you feel like bursting into tears similarly to the way you had almost done so on your way to class.
and sangah— god, you wanted to hate her so bad. your prayers that she had the personality of a wicked witch were thrown out the window the second she opened her mouth. she was so nice to you. the guy that she likes had openly expressed that he wanted to walk you to class and she still smiled at you. she’s got the most perfect appearance and most perfect attitude and you feel like you can’t compete with any of it.
you check your phone for the first time in approximately 30 minutes, eager for a distraction. you’re dismayed to see only 3 notifications, one from the boy who seems the root of every current problem in your life, and two from sungchan.
[10:04 AM] bin 🫶: everything ok??
[10:16 AM] sungchani: hey
[10:16 AM] sungchani: we’re all gonna hang out on friday night (as decided by me just now) and u will be coming! (also decided by me just now)
you open your phone, typing a quick response to wonbin about how everything is fine (lie) and sending another short message in hopes of steering the conversation in a different direction. you open the two messages from sungchan, shaking your head as if he’d be able to sense your attitude through the screen.
[10:48 AM] you: who’s “we” exactly…. and what will “we” be doing
[10:50 AM] sungchani: don’t act dumb girl… me, you, taro, seunghan, anton and wonbin obviously. was gonna see if eunseok and sohee could make it but i doubt eunseok would wanna and i think sohee’s doing some group assignment lolol
[10:51 AM] sungchani: as for your other question i was thinking about going to the movies yay or nay? (say yay)
[10:51 AM] you: pass
[10:52 AM] sungchani: perfect see u there!
you don’t bother responding to sungchan’s final message, knowing that no amount of opposition from you would deter him. he’d probably drag you all the way to the theater himself if he had to. but you really don’t want to go, feeling drained from the thoughts that have been plaguing your mind ever since sungchan mentioned sangah for the first time. you’d much rather spent your friday night in bed, trying to give your brain a much needed break. maybe if you really felt like torturing yourself, you’d pull up sangah’s instagram once more.
when class ends, you’re shocked to find anton waiting for you outside of the lecture hall. he’s holding a plastic cup filled with chai tea, leaning against the wall leisurely as he sips through an orange straw. he doesn’t look in your direction, which confuses you, because you’re undoubtedly the reason he’s currently standing outside of your classroom.
“lee anto-“ the boy in question cuts you off by lifting his index finger in front of your face, still not looking at you. you scoff in irritation, not wanting to deal with his antics in your current state.
“you’re coming on friday, yes?” he questions, his voice slightly above a whisper. “not if i don’t have to,” you say, your voice at a normal volume. anton, finally looking you in the eyes, presses his index finger to his lips as if to indicate that you need to be quieter. “you do have to,” he nods.
you pinch the bridge of your nose. “why the hell are you whispering?” you scowl, and he keeps his index finger on his lips. you groan before reluctantly lowering your voice to match his, despite the fact that you still don’t know why he wants you to do so. “what’s going on?” you inquire.
“you have to come on friday,” he repeats quietly, “and you’re gonna tell dark star that you’re in love with him.”
you blink. “who?” anton leans his head back in annoyance before mouthing, “PARK WONBIN.” you recoil for a myriad of reasons. “first of all, i’m not coming on friday,” your voice slightly increases in volume, “and even if i was, i most definitely would not use it as an opportunity to confess to wonbin. and why in the world did you just call him that?” you finish, exasperated.
anton only sips his drink, his aura calm and collected. “you’re going,” he answers pointedly, “because if you don’t, dark star is gonna find out either way.”
your eyes widen and you feel like all of the air has left your lungs. “what do you mean by that? you wouldn’t actually-“
“i would, though. if telling dark star about your crush on him would get you to stop pining after him like a fool, why wouldn’t i? and, in addition,” anton fully turns to you, his voice raising to a light mumble, “i saw the way you reacted when sarah started talking to him earlier.”
“it’s sangah,” you deadpan. anton waves his hand dismissively. “not the point. with the way you acted earlier, you would’ve thought they were getting married right in the middle of that hallway,” he sounds concerned as he speaks the words, not looking anywhere but at you.
“i’m not saying that wonbin— dark star, i mean, has a thing for sandra right now. frankly, i don’t think he cares about her at all,” anton continues, “but if you’re that worried about some random girl taking him away from you when they’ve known each other for like, a week, i think that’s a sign that it might be a good idea to tell him how you’re feeling.”
you look down, letting his words settle into your mind. “i’ll come on friday,” you nod, and the boy in front of you smiles at your words, “but i have to give the whole confessing to wonbin thing a bit more thought. i mean, it’s kind of sudden.” anton’s advice actually made sense, you think, but you’re not sure if you’re ready to tell the boy you’ve been harboring feelings for all this time that you’re in love with him on a random friday night.
“sudden?” anton asks, breaking you out of your thoughts. “i think it’s long overdue. fire tornado hector thinks so, too,” he tells you.
you turn to him, dumbfounded. “where the hell are you getting these names from?!”
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friday night comes in the blink of an eye and you’re standing in the lobby of the theater with shotaro, anton, seunghan, and sungchan. wonbin is nowhere to be seen.
“i told him 7PM sharp,” sungchan murmurs impatiently, checking his watch. shotaro turns to anton, jokingly hitting the younger boy on the arm with a laugh. “imagine he just decided to stay home,” he chuckles, “i bet y/n would be relieved.”
“why would she be relieved?” seunghan intrudes curiously. anton shrugs. “i told her she had to confess to wonbin tonight,” he says casually, as if he hadn’t just revealed your not-so-secret secret to an unsuspecting seunghan. the older boy’s eyebrows raise at anton’s words, his lips parting.
“you like wonbin?” he questions you eagerly. “dude, i can’t believe you didn’t know by now,” anton answers in your place as you press your lips together. “and we won’t be using the name wonbin when he arrives. he’s dark star. the codename helps when you’re trying to be discreet,” he finishes.
“yeah, because you know all about being discreet, right?” you reply, voice laced with sarcasm. anton knows that you’re referring to the way he had exposed your feelings for wonbin merely 30 seconds ago, avoiding your gaze as he whistles idly.
“sorry i’m late, guys,” the man of the hour exhales as he walks up to the 5 of you. sungchan studies wonbin, unimpressed. the latter can sense his older friend’s agitation, clicking his tongue. “you’ll forgive me once you find out why i’m late,” he assures, “look who i brought with me.”
you can’t prevent the way your heartbeat escalates, both at the mere presence of wonbin and the words that have just left his mouth. you’re unsure if you even want to find out who he’s brought with him, fearing the worst.
“sohee! eunseok!” you hear sungchan exclaim, excitedly making his way over to the two figures that have just entered the theater. he wraps his lengthy arms around both of them simultaneously.
“guess our invitations got lost in the mail, huh?” eunseok muses, returning his friend’s embrace. the three of them return to where you and the others are standing and sungchan scratches the back of his neck. “my bad, man,” he utters bashfully, “the movie we’re watching is pretty lame. didn’t think you’d be into it.”
“still, it’s an excuse to see you guys,” eunseok shrugs, turning to greet everyone else. sohee does the same, wrapping his arms around you before anyone else.
“y/n! it’s been forever,” he grins, you return it. “it’s been… 2 weeks,” you tell him, hugging him back nonetheless. “i still missed you, though,” you hum. “stop hogging him, y/n!” seunghan teases, “we haven’t seen him in weeks either!”
the two of you release each other, and when you turn, wonbin is at your side. he taps your arm. “why don’t you greet me like that?” he feigns jealousy, pursing his lips. you smile at him, hoping to mask your nervousness, “i see you everyday.”
he rolls his eyes. “that doesn’t mean you can’t miss me.”
“i always do,” you say absentmindedly. by the time your words register, wonbin is already grinning. “ditto,” he mutters, his words meant for only you to hear.
he turns away before you can comment, and eunseok takes his place beside you. he wraps an arm around your shoulders, greeting you. you think nothing of his actions before he leans down, angling his head so that it’s directly next to your ear. “i heard about healing michael’s plan,” he whispers, “the one about getting you to confess to dark star.”
“please don’t start this,” you plead, “i cannot deal with these nicknames right now. and how do you know about that?”
“um,” he starts, moving his head away from yours, “obviously healing michael filled me in on everything. just because we don’t physically see each other everyday doesn’t mean we don’t have a group chat.” he moves back to the previous topic, “he threatened to tell dark star about how you’re madly in love with him, right? he’s bluffing,” eunseok explains, “if you confess to dark star tonight, it should be because you really love him. not because anton frightened you into doing it.”
you nod at eunseok’s words, unsure. “and,” he continues, “it shouldn’t be about some other girl that might like him, either.” he takes note of the way your eyes widen a fraction. “yeah, anton told me about that, too,” he nods as you make a mental reminder to yell at anton later for airing out your business.
“what i’m saying, y/n, is make sure that you’re telling him how you feel, not for anyone else, but for you. well, and for him. and for you and him, together,” eunseok concludes, “don’t let healing michael or sandy get in the way of it.”
“it’s sangah,” you sigh, in awe of the fact that you’ve had to correct both him and anton. sungchan appears to have heard your final words, perking up at the mention of wonbin’s classmate.
“sangah? we’re talking about sangah?” he blurts out, turning to wonbin with a smile. “bro, we totally should’ve invited her,” he jokes, slapping his friend on the arm, “seeing her and wonbin interact in the theater would’ve been hilarious.” everyone grows tense at sungchan’s teasing— he was somehow still the only one unaware of your feelings for wonbin.
wonbin only shakes his head in response, his first instinct being to look over at you. you’re wearing that same disheartened look on your face as the first time you found out about sangah, and he can hardly breathe. his eyes narrow at the sight of eunseok’s arm still hanging off your shoulders.
“sungchan, when does the movie start? we’ve been standing here for a while,” shotaro states, attempting to alleviate the situation. “oh, we still have about,” sungchan checks the time on his watch, “ten minutes before the trailers even start playing,” he responds.
shotaro ushers the group over to the concession counter, quickly making some excuse about everyone needing to choose their snacks for the movie. “amateurs,” sungchan mutters, “who doesn’t bring their own snacks to the movies?”
wonbin finds his place beside you again, briefly studying your features. he notices the way you stand stiffly in your spot and the slight wrinkle between your brows. “hey,” he tries to get your attention. your eyes soften as they meet his that are flooded with worry. “i’m sorry,” he frowns, “about what happened back there. i don’t know why he keeps mentioning her.”
you’re puzzled and, yet again, asking yourself if he’s apologizing because he knows that you have feelings for him or if it’s because he still thinks you’re upset that he didn’t tell you about sangah sooner.
you prayed that he wasn’t apologizing due to the former, but why would he even need to apologize if it was the latter? if nothing was going on between wonbin and sangah, he had no reason to tell you about her. you press your lips into a tight line. maybe that was it— something was going on between them. that’s why he’s saying sorry to you right now, because he regrets not telling you before when you’re supposed to be one of his closest friends.
and that’s all you’ll ever be to him, because you were too much of a coward to confess to him when you had the chance. you think about how disappointed your friends are going to be once you break the news to them that you wouldn’t be confessing to wonbin tonight, or ever.
“don’t apologize, wonbin,” you quietly tell him, and he wonders why it seems as though you’re about to cry. he shakes his head, getting the sense that you misunderstood his words. he looks back at your mutual friend group, seeing that they’re all preoccupied. wonbin seizes the opportunity, grabbing your hand and taking you to a secluded area of the theater.
“please don’t tell me not to apologize,” he breathes, “because i have so much to apologize to you for.”
you’re confused and concerned, your lips parting slightly. you don’t have the chance to savor the feeling of wonbin’s hand still holding yours because you’re mentally preparing yourself for whatever words he’s about to say. this is it, you tell yourself. you stare at the ground, anticipating the feeling of disappointment and rejection.
“i like you so much.”
you stop breathing as the words leave wonbin’s mouth. you’re terrified to look up, unsure if you’d even heard him correctly. he responds to your unvoiced worries by repeating the statement.
“i like you so much, and i’m sorry for holding it in this long,” he says breathlessly, “i’m sorry for letting sungchan talk about sangah all the time, because i didn’t want you to think that i could ever like anyone else.”
he continues despite your silence. “and i’m sorry for telling you all of this in a movie theater, of all places. i’ve been psyching myself up for weeks, but i couldn’t stand the thought of you not knowing any longer. i’m tired of misunderstandings.”
he finally takes a deep breath, and you look up at him for the first time. “are you serious?” is all you’re able to say. you want to be 100% sure that your mind isn’t being as cruel as it normally is when it comes to park wonbin.
he nods, appearing to be just as nervous as you are, and you think that’s good enough of an indicator that he’s not joking.
“you fool,” you breath out in utter disbelief, not knowing if your words are directed at wonbin or yourself. the boy looks troubled for a moment before he hears a noise similar to a sob leave your mouth.
you hide your face with your hands. “i was supposed to be the one to confess to you.”
it’s wonbin’s turn to be silent now, listening to you rant. “it was this whole thing— healing michael, dark star.. eunseok knew about it, and shotaro..” you trail off. your words don’t even make sense to yourself, and you doubt they make any sense to the boy in front of you. “my god, wonbin— i’ve liked you since the day i met you!” you cry, hands still obstructing your vision.
wonbin hesitantly takes it upon himself to grab your wrists, removing your hands from your face. “do you mean that?” he asks, trying to meet your gaze.
you don’t look him in the eye as you continue rambling. “i was so scared,” you tell him, “sungchan mentioned her out of nowhere that day and i was so scared. i thought she was your secret girlfriend, or something.” you feel stupid for telling him all of this, finally admitting to your jealousy.
“when i saw her for the first time, i thought it was over,” you shake your head, “someone so pretty having a crush on you? i felt like nothing next to her. sungchan even told me that she wrote down her instagram and casually handed it to you— i’d kill to be that confident in myself,” you’re not even paying attention to the words leaving your mouth anymore, wanting to get everything you’ve been holding in out of your system.
when you finally look at wonbin’s face, he looks sad, which startles you. you’re afraid that you’ve just killed his mood with your venting. “i’m sorry— i didn’t me-“ you’re interrupted by wonbin pulling you to his chest, shaking his head at your words. “you fool,” he repeats your words from minutes ago. “i can’t believe you’ve been feeling that way about yourself.”
he keeps you in his embrace as if you’d run away if he were to let go. “i can’t think of anyone prettier than you,” he mutters, “or nicer, or funnier. or anything, really, because i think of you more than anyone else. i guess it’s my fault, kind of. i could’ve expressed it in ways other than walking you to class and ordering dumb overpriced drinks for you.” you let out a quiet laugh at his last sentence and he smiles, pulling away slightly so he’s able to see your face.
“i guess we’re both kind of stupid,” you conclude, earning a nod from the dark haired boy. “only when it comes to you,” he says, “i happen to think i’m very intelligent on every other occasion.”
when you finally regroup with everyone, they’re all wearing looks of disappointment on their faces. upon asking what happened, eunseok shoves a thumb in sungchan’s direction, the brown haired boy adorning a sheepish expression. “this fucker got the time wrong. the movie was at 6:15, not 7:15,” eunseok grimaces, “i better get a refund for my ticket.”
“you didn’t even pay for it,” wonbin says, “i did. sohee’s, too.”
anton, having been the first one to notice both yours and wonbin’s disappearance from the group, narrows his eyes at the boy. “and where were you?” he raises a brow, attempting to look intimidating. wonbin dismisses him with the wave of a hand.
before you and wonbin decided to rejoin your friends, you had to tell him not to hold your hand, much to his dismay. only after discovering the reason why, did he reluctantly agree.
you stand as far away from wonbin as possible, putting on a melancholy act. shotaro is the first to take notice of this, putting a hand on your shoulder. “did you tell him?” he questions, your silence serving as an answer in itself. eunseok overhears, looking at you with pity in his eyes.
when anton finally sees the distance put between you and wonbin, he concludes that you weren’t able to tell him about your feelings. he sighs, shaking his head.
as if on cue, you look at wonbin with determination burning in your eyes, beginning to advance towards him. the group is silent as they watch the two of you curiously.
“dark star,” you begin straightforwardly, “i’m in love with you.” wonbin tries concealing his laughter as he swiftly takes in the reactions of his friends. eunseok smiles knowingly while anton and shotaro are wide-eyed. seunghan wears an amused expression, sohee’s eyebrows are raised, and on top of it all, sungchan looks incredibly confused.
wonbin, keeping up the act, covers his mouth in mock astonishment. “did you guys hear that?” he turns to his friends, who are now all aware that they’re being pranked. “my girlfriend is in love with me!” wonbin beams, “metal blaze, i accept your confession.”
eunseok clicks his tongue, nodding. “metal blaze, that’s a good one,” he notes under his breath.
“alright, we get it,” anton groans, “it took you guys long enough.” he turns to you, unable to stop a smile from forming. “i hope you know i was never actually going to tell him myself. i only said that in hopes of scaring you into telling him.”
you nod, “eunseok told me that already. and it wasn’t me that confessed to wonbin— he confessed to me.” everyone is shocked at your comment, seunghan walking behind wonbin and giving him a congratulatory slap on the shoulder. you purposefully skip over the fact that you all but cried to wonbin immediately after said confession about how much you liked him in return, and he pinches your side.
“you know, when you guys disappeared, i made a bet with shotaro that you guys were probably making out somewhere,” eunseok adds, “he said you guys were probably just in the middle of the whole confessing thing. i owe him seven bucks now.” shotaro pats him on the back with false sympathy.
as the topic of conversation shifts to something else, sungchan’s jaw is still practically on the floor. he looks at the way wonbin has his arm around your shoulders, head practically buried in your neck. he can’t stop himself from blurting out his next words.
“has y/n had a crush on wonbin this entire time?!”
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AUTHOR’S NOTE! congrats to u if u survived reading all that ohhh lord i promise i’ll make y/n less unbearable next time but for now u guys are just gonna have to find it in ur hearts to forgive me… also it’s 5am rn and idk if i hate this fic umm we’ll see if i regret posting this when i wake up tmr
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taojjang · 2 months ago
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riize in an argument
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pairing: bf!riize x reader, genre: angst, warnings: cussing, jealousy, medication, lovebombing, (light) forced affection pink text > reader blue text > riize
part two here .ᐟ ★
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♡⸝⸝ getting into petty arguments with your boyfriend
shotaro . . . can't understand why you don't trust him.
the two of you had just gotten home from a dinner date, which shotaro thought had gone well but apparently not. shotaro was confused as to why you were suddenly silent during the drive home. "are you tired, honey? you're not talking much." he figured you were just sleepy since you didn't respond, only quietly resting your head against the window.
after the two of you changed from your date clothes and unwound for the night, shotaro grew concerned. he could tell you were upset about something, but he couldn't tell what. he kept poking at you, reaching to pry at your silence. "did i upset you honey? did i say something wrong?" you took a deep breath and sat on the edge of the bed, finally deciding to come out of your silence. "i don't like how you were talking to the waitress." shotaro tilted his head and stepped closer to you. "what do you mean?" "you know what i mean, shotaro. you saw how she was looking at you. you were even giving in.. you flirted back." shotaro slightly furrowed his eyebrows and lightly held your hand. "what flirting, honey? i was only being nice to her." you began growing frustrated by how innocent he was acting. "you're just so oblivious sometimes, taro. you think i couldn't see the looks you were exchanging with her? she was all over you, you should've known her intentions." shotaro scoffed and let go of your hand. he felt quite hurt that he spent so much effort taking you out for a nice dinner just for you to accuse him of dedicating his time to another woman. "she was just being nice and i was returning her energy. you're just overanalyzing like you always do."
as soon as those words left shotaro's lips, your heart began to sting. taro's eyes softened as he realized what he'd said to you. you nodded and grabbed your pillow, standing up to leave. you kept silent knowing the ache in your throat would soon turn to tears. taro held your hand and tried pleading with you; "i didn't mean it like that honey, i just-" "no, it's fine." you pulled your wrist out of his weak grip and muttered a defeated "goodnight" before leaving to spend the night on the couch. once the door shut behind you, taro sat down on the bed and let out a shaky breath as he realized how much he'd just hurt you.
eunseok . . . can't tolerate your disobedience.
he was cleaning the bathroom when he saw your pill case sitting on the counter. he sighed and snatched the full case off of the counter, walking to the living room to confront you.
you sat confused as your boyfriend held the box of pills in your face. "hm..?" "darling, how many times do i have to tell you to take your medicine?" he sighed and looked down at the 3 days worth of forgotten pills in the tin. "i'm not your doctor, i can't keep reminding you. it's getting tiring." you sighed and threw your head back in frustration. this was a common thing for eunseok to bring up every so often, but it was getting exhausting. "then you don't have to keep reminding me, seok. i'm also tired of it." eunseok scoffed and bit his lip. "tired of what? me looking out for you?" you wanted to roll your eyes at his condescending tone. you always hated how arrogant he gets, thinking he's so much smarter than you and telling you off like you're a misbehaving toddler. "no, seok. i'm just tired of taking these stupid pills all the time. i'll live without them for a few days. i don't like it when you're bossy like this." eunseok bit his lip at your ungrateful tone grating at his ears. he looked down at you with a stern glare, squinting in annoyance. "making sure you're healthy is being bossy? you're being a brat, y/n. i wouldn't have to be 'bossy' if you listened to me and at least tried to get better. you're just lazy." you felt your blood boil as you poked your tongue through your cheek. you were far more than angry at this point. you looked up at him and huffed, "i'm not lazy for being sick of taking pills every day. all i want is for you to chill out and stop shoving pills in my face all the time. i'll be fine." eunseok sighed and nodded, tossing the case on the table in front of you. "alright, then. i'll stop caring so much. fuck, i can't stand you sometimes."
it's not rare for the two of you to get mean during arguments, but it is rare for eunseok to say something that hurts you this much. you didn't expect to feel your heart aching after simply choosing not to take your medication. despite wanting to snap back at him, all you could do was nod, snatching the pills off the counter and swallowing them in one go. even after saying something so blunt, eunseok couldn't help but worry about your sudden silence and compliance. you stood up and put the pill case into the pocket of your hoodie. you swallow back a mixture of frustrated insults and hurt tears as you look up at him with glossy eyes. "i'll leave you alone since you can't stand me so badly." you coldly walk past him to the front door, slamming it behind you. eunseok sighed and walked back to the bathroom, hoping to distract himself from the idea that he'd just crossed the line.
sungchan . . . can't tolerate your mood swings.
as much as he hates to admit it, you're hard to handle. no matter how well he treats you or how much he spoils you, you'll still come home and find a reason to be sad. but he can't understand that sometimes you just need time alone. you had a long day at work and simply wanted to come home and recharge, looking forward to lying down and maybe watching your comfort show. but sungchan had other plans for you. as much as you love him, it gets tiring to be suffocated with cuddles when you just need time alone. today, you couldn't suppress your discomfort. you just didn't expect sungchan to get so angry.
"my fault for wanting to comfort you when you're upset." sungchan let go of your waist and moved to the opposite side of your bed. you sighed and sat up, turning to him. "thank you, sungchan. i'm really not mad at you, i just need time alone sometimes." you tried reassuring him once you heard his pained tone, but to no avail. "you ever think i need comfort, too? i had a horrible day and you can't even hug me for a few minutes?" for a second, you thought he was joking. but once you saw the angered expression on his face, your smile dropped. "baby, are you serious? i had a shitty day, too. all i need is some time alone. why are you taking it so personally?" "because it feels personal, y/n. you're pushing me away when i was just trying to make you feel better." you felt almost sickened by how ridiculous he sounded. you've already had a terrible day and you certainly weren't in the mood to argue. "that's not what i mean, sungchan, and you know it. all i'm asking is to be alone." sungchan seemingly felt the same way, leaving one last message before avoiding the conflict. "fine, didn't know i bothered you so much. don't bother coming to me later."
sungchan stormed out of the room. soon, the echo of his bedroom door slamming shut rang through the house. though you got what you wanted, your bed began feeling empty. you wanted to sleep it off, but the guilt now felt heavier than your fatigue.
wonbin . . . can't fathom the idea of losing.
wonbin is so adorably whiny. so adorable that you like to tease him just to hear him cry "stop it!" you admit to being a little too harsh sometimes when he gets frustrated with you, but you can't help yourself. wonbin is just too cute :( when the two of you play games, he's always whining about losing. if he's winning, he'll be giggling and having the time of his life— but god forbid it's the opposite.
"ah, this is getting annoying!" wonbin whined, moving farther from the table. you laughed and gestured at the pile of cards in front of you. "your turn! come on, at least try to beat me!" wonbin sighed and tossed another card on the table. before he knew it, your cards were almost used up and you were this close to winning the game. "this isn't fun anymore." wonbin groaned, leaning back with a pout on his face. you sighed and joked, "baby, you're always complaining. such a sore loser!" but something about your teasing ticked wonbin off. his sulky demeanor soon turned bitter and he gave you a resentful glare. "i wouldn't have to complain if you didn't get all cocky every time you won. you never give me a chance." wonbin's whiny complaints were beginning to get to you. you felt as if he was blaming you for his losses. "i'm just playing the game. it's not my fault i'm good at it." you immediately regretted your defense when the deck of cards were slammed onto the table in front of you. "gosh, i fucking get it y/n." wonbin stood up and stormed off, mumbling "this is why i can't do anything with you."
you felt your heart tear at his empty-hearted words. with the slam of his bedroom door, your tears began falling down your face. you never thought a simple card game would drive wonbin to this level of annoyance. you stood up and put the cards back into the box while considering whether to apologize or leave him be. you stand in front of his bedroom door, hesitantly muttering through your shaky breath, "i'm gonna go home now." you stood there like an idiot waiting for a reply, but you heard nothing other than the tapping of your tears dripping onto the hardwood floor.
seunghan . . . can't understand why his affection hurts you.
it's rare for the two of you to argue since seunghan travels extra lengths to make sure you're happy. after all, you're his entire world and he'd give up anything to keep you satisfied. but that's why so many problems go unanswered. whenever there's an issue between the two of you, seunghan just tugs you into a hug and tries to take your mind off of your frustration while the problem sits in the dust.
"it's called love bombing," you explain to seunghan, who was staring at you with confused yet hurt eyes. "i know you're just trying to make me happy, but it's bringing up so many more problems than we need, love." seunghan looked down at your hands and furrowed his eyebrows. "well, how? does my affection not fix anything? wouldn't you rather cuddle than argue all night?" you sighed and bit your lip in frustration. seunghan had expected you to agree, but his heart began hurting once you shook your head. "that's the problem, seunghan. making up without resolving anything is only making things worse for us. you need to talk to me, love. i can't keep kissing you to forget how hurt i am." seunghan felt all of his efforts go to waste. he'd truly hoped his affection could mend every rift between you two, but he was mistaken. seunghan picked up his phone from the bed and stood up. "i'm sorry, y/n. i just thought maybe my love would be enough to fix things."
seunghan turned around and made his way to the bedroom door, utilizing every ounce of strength in him to refrain from kissing you goodnight. "i promise i'll work on communicating, just... not yet. i don't know if i can speak to you right now. goodnight." seunghan left feeling shattered and simply exhausted from the confrontation. though you'd finally been able to address a longstanding issue, you felt everything but relief. now, both you and your crushed boyfriend wouldn't sleep a wink.
sohee . . . can't understand the concept of distance.
these past few days, sohee's noticed how different you've been acting. you've been coming to his house less and when he'd visit you, your attention was never completely his. worried, sohee brought up his concern to you, you brushing it off and telling him it's exam season, you've just been super drained from school. it all started to make sense, but that didn't solve any of his concerns. if anything, he was even more worried for your wellbeing, wondering how you could care for yourself if you don't even have the time to sit and talk with him for more than 10 minutes. so he began coming over more often to take care of you and keep your house tidy while you worked hard on your laptop. all of this hard work, yet you wouldn't let him sleep over.
"what..? why can't i?" sohee asked, hand frozen reaching for the pajamas he'd brought. "i'm just so exhausted, baby, i'm sorry. maybe you could sleep over when my exams are all finished..?" sohee was confused. he started to believe you weren't tired of the exams, but him. you noticed the sullen look forming on his face. you place your hand on his cheek and sent him a reassuring yet weak smile. "it's nothing personal, alright? i'm just tired." you'd expected sohee to understand, but his eyes shot up to you with an unfamiliar dark glint in them. "but you're making it personal, y/n. you can't even look at me when i'm beside you, not even for a second. are you tired of your work or me?" your heart rate began rapidly rising as sohee grew more and more frantic. "what makes you think i'm tired of you? i told you, i'm just tired. i want to rest alone, is that so terrible? i'm only-" "you don't have to keep making up excuses. i'll leave if you want me to but i'm not gonna let you lie to my face. stop sugarcoating it and tell me, y/n, you're just tired of me, aren't you?" you wanted to tell him he was wrong; he was the only escape you had from your excruciatingly repetitive schedule, yet he only believed you wanted to get rid of him. you tried to explain your feelings, yet all you could manage to do was scream, "you're not listening to me!" sohee scoffed at your sudden yelling. he bit his lip and picked up his bags, muttering, "there's nothing to listen to. there's no excuse you can make for not wanting anything to do with me."
you panicked as sohee left the room. you wanted to explain to him that he was completely mistaken and he was all you needed, but he wouldn't let you speak. you sighed as the front door slammed shut, the cold air leaking inside and stinging your tear-stained cheeks.
anton . . . can't let go of even the smallest slip-ups.
don't get me wrong— anton is the most forgiving boyfriend in the world. he could still smile and give you a goodnight kiss even if you ate the leftovers he'd been saving for dinner. but small things you do can lead him to make drastic assumptions about your relationship. last night, you were so exhausted that you'd forgotten to say your nightly "i love you" before hanging up on him. of course, you love him to death, but you were simply so tired after the horrible day you'd had that it'd slipped your mind since all you could think about was your bed. while you were knocked out cold, anton was sitting with his knees pressed against his chest, wondering if he'd done something wrong to not deserve an i-love-you. your poor baby is just a chronic overthinker.
"do you still love me..?" anton asked, sitting beside you on your bed while gently holding your hand. you let out a sleepy giggle, slowly nodding. "of course i do, silly. what makes you ask?" anton swallowed back his uncertainty and explained, "i don't know... you just didn't say 'i love you' last night before you hung up. i thought maybe i did something wrong." you let out a long sigh and stroked the back of his hand with your thumb. "that means nothing, dummy. i was just so tired, i'm sorry. i love you, okay?" things should've ended here, but anton just could not brush off his insecurity. "but you didn't say it..! it's such a normal thing now, how could you forget to say it? do you really not love me anymore?" anton was deeply hurt that you forgot such a crucial part of your regular routine with him, but you didn't realize how important this was to him. it only hurt to know all of your efforts to make him happy were blown away by this minuscule mistake. you'd been so busy and stressed with how packed your schedule was. nevertheless, you still tried your hardest to make time for your boyfriend. yet this one mistake lead him to believe you had no love for him. you were beyond frustrated. "i've been trying so hard to make sure you feel loved, anton. i keep in contact with you all day no matter how occupied i am and i still find time to cook dinner for you while i still have shitloads of homework waiting for me. how do i not love you?" anton was taken aback by the intimidating change in tone. your sudden anger only worsened his anxious overthinking. but of course, he remained avoidant. anton let go of your hand and nodded, looking down at his hand. "i'm really sorry, y/n. i didn't mean to make you angry. goodnight, love you."
you didn't realize your anger had scared him off until he left your room with tears in his eyes. regret pooled in your stomach and you began feeling sick. nothing hurt more than seeing that inconsolable look on your baby's face. tears made their way to your eyes as your mind traced the idea that you were the worst girlfriend you could possibly be.
(a/n: my first time writing angst..! i hope this was okay... it hurts so much writing angst without a happy ending :( if you're like me and need closure after every angst you read, there's a part two coming! do not fret my sensitive sisters 🙂‍↕️)
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bbina · 11 months ago
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between the lines masterlist
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ᯓ★ SYNOPSIS.ᐟ from what started as a simple arrangement to hide your feelings for a certain someone by getting into in a fake relationship soon turns into a tangled mess. in which some things are hard to tell when you can’t read between the lines
ᯓ★ PAIRING.ᐟ park wonbin x reader
ᯓ★ GENRE.ᐟ fluff, angst, crack | 𖡎 – written portions
ᯓ★ STATUS.ᐟ completed.
ᯓ★ TAGLIST.ᐟ closed (limit)
ᯓ★ NOTES.ᐟ first riize smau! bbina is cooking with this one i fear... this fic will contain nsfw themes somewhere along the way and some kys jokes, etc. happy reading! also if you want to be added to the taglist make sure your blog is visible for me to be able to tag you
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˗ˏˋ ★ CHAPTERS ★ ˎˊ˗ ☆ INTRODUCTION ☆ ONE ⊹₊ ⋆ do what you must ☆ TWO ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 last minute rain checks ☆ THREE ⊹₊ ⋆ national museum of korea ☆ FOUR ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 campfire ☆ FIVE ⊹₊ ⋆ chemistry ☆ SIX ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 first day on the job ☆ SEVEN ⊹₊ ⋆ shock factor ☆ EIGHT ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 yet ☆ NINE ⊹₊ ⋆ soft launch ☆ TEN ⊹₊ ⋆ thanks for the support ☆ ELEVEN ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 pillow talk ☆ TWELVE ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 count your days ☆ THIRTEEN ⊹₊ ⋆ wasn't part of the plan ☆ FOURTEEN ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 why does it matter ☆ FIFTEEN ⊹₊ ⋆ just be with me ☆ SIXTEEN ⊹₊ ⋆ seoul bound ☆ SEVENTEEN ⊹₊ ⋆ more than welcome ☆ EIGHTEEN ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 trust me ☆ NINETEEN ⊹₊ ⋆ newly improved fake boyfriend 2.0 ☆ TWENTY ⊹₊ ⋆ only my girl ☆ TWENTY ONE ⊹₊ ⋆ next date ☆ TWENTY TWO ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 for my eyes only ☆ TWENTY THREE ⊹₊ ⋆ care package ☆ TWENTY FOUR ⊹₊ ⋆ too early ☆ TWENTY FIVE ⊹₊ ⋆ not like this ☆ TWENTY SIX ⊹₊ ⋆ two months later ☆ TWENTY SEVEN ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 long way home ☆ TWENTY EIGHT ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 thank you ☆ TWENTY NINE ⊹₊ ⋆ fake idgafer ☆ THIRTY ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 boundaries ☆ THIRTY ONE ⊹₊ ⋆ could've had it all ☆ THIRTY TWO ⊹₊ ⋆ out of habit ☆ THIRTY THREE ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 time ☆ THIRTY FOUR ⊹₊ ⋆ deja vu ☆ THIRTY FIVE ⊹₊ ⋆ operation: ynbin ☆ THIRTY SIX ⊹₊ ⋆ it's bad for the both of them ☆ THIRTY SEVEN ⊹₊ ⋆ stories write themselves ☆ THIRY EIGHT ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 ulsan ☆ THIRTY NINE ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 drunken words ☆ FOURTY ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 sober thoughts ☆ FOURTY ONE ⊹₊ ⋆ disappointed ☆ FOURTY TWO ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 afternoon bliss (M) ☆ FOURTY THREE ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 we are so back ☆ FOURTY FOUR ⊹₊ ⋆ what are we ☆ FOURTY FIVE ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 wouldn't have it in any other way ☆ FOURTY SIX ⊹₊ ⋆ new boyfriend lore ☆ FOURTY SEVEN ⊹₊ ⋆ texting and driving ☆ FOURTY EIGHT ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 dior her ☆ FOURTY NINE ⊹₊ ⋆ 𖡎 you’re all i’ll ever want and need ☆ FIFTY ⊹₊ ⋆ between the lines
⋆.˚—̳͟͞͞★ asks | lore | official playlist ₊⊹
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nnight-dances · 5 months ago
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ONE KISS, ONE LOVE
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PAIRING: park wonbin x fem!reader
GENRE: fluff, hurt/comfort, suggestive dialogue but nothing explicit
TROPES: established relationship!au, idol!wonbin, age gap vibes but no real mention, reader babies wonbin like he deserves to be, texts at the end, just sickening sweet stuff
WATCH: wonbin's night routine
NOTE: inspired by the video above! once again, these wonbin fics write themselves ... he might be my favorite boy to write rn or maybe that's just my way of coping!! anyway don't be surprised if i just start spamming u with the wonbin fics i just have too many good ideas. but they're all gonna be set in this same established relationship style, he's just so bf coded lol... anyway, enjoy <3
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you've been in bed for a good twenty, clad in cream pyjamas and skincare intact, when you hear the frontdoor open – signalling your boyfriend, wonbin's arrival. you pause the video you're watching on your phone and sit up to greet him, "bin? welcome home." his heavy footsteps stop where his figure finally comes into your view.
wonbin looks wiped out, no doubt, eyes shadowed by his somnolent lashes. he stares at you for a moment before humming, the sound halfway between a thank god you're here and i could die right now. he peels his layers off with speed, black leather jacket hung up on the tree-shaped rack near your closet and his other outerwear finding its place on the small cabinet next to it.
you watch fondly as even in his fatigue, he patiently makes sure no outside clothes pollute the bed. as soon as he's in nothing but his white tee and boxers though, he jumps onto you, deflating the air out of you like a body pillow.
"hello," he mumbles, face disappearing into your chest where he snuggles closer. 
"hi, love," you welcome him warmly, fingers carding through his hair as a force of habit. you breathe against his limp body, letting him unwind on top of you as he often does. it's a silent activity, a night routine of sorts for wonbin on his longest days. he'd trudge home and settle close to you, wordlessly like a cat looking for soothing. 
sometimes, you talked to him about your day and he'd hum along, eyes on yours telling all you needed to hear. other times, you would go back to doing whatever you were doing – watching a show, playing a game, or talking to a friend – while he recharged. he even insisted it worked best when you were just doing your own thing.
today, you do neither. setting your phone aside, you occupy yourself with wonbin himself, first meandering through his charcoal hair and then trailing down to his neck, tracing hearts and stars into his skin. you can feel him relaxing under your touch, his face finally coming back into your vision. 
"tired," wonbin says, voice coarser than ever. "need to sleep." 
"i know, baby," you croon, "wanna wash up first?"
he shakes his head adamantly, "no. sleepy."
you laugh softly, "angel, i'm sure you are but you can't sleep with your makeup on, can you?"
"had a few drinks with taro hyung," he murmurs as if that explains his behavior.
"really? you had time after practice?"
"he snuck it into practice. beer after all that sweating was nice."
"wow, look at you," you muse, hand brushing his bangs out of his eyes, "you sound like an old man."
"i am," wonbin pouts, "let the old man go to sleep."
"sorry, love, i can't do that," you say.
"rude."
"say what you will," you sit up fully, pulling your sluggish boyfriend with you. ignoring his groans, you kiss his nose, "wash up, okay? can't have my rockstar breaking out because he was too lazy to wash his face before bed."
he groans again but this time it's an endearment, his kiss on your cheek disguising his smile. "but i can't move, y/n. please."
"i'll help you," you snake out of the sheets, squatting as you heave wonbin out as well. he stands up unwillingly, head wilting like a sad flower. you laugh, pulling him toward the washroom, "will you listen if i do all the work?"
that gets the job done alright because two minutes later, wonbin's settled against the sink with you between his legs. you crane around his tall limbs to reach for his products, having memorized his night skincare by now. 
cleansing balm in hand, you carefully cover every inch of his face, the makeup turning into oil gradually. "okay, babe, now rinse your face for me."
"you said you'd do all the work!" he complains without missing a beat. 
you glare at him, "i can't possibly wash your face without making a mess of both of us."
"sounds like an excuse to me."
sulking, he turns around, washing the balm off. next, you go in with his foam cleanser, gently circling his cheeks and forehead. despite all his earlier declarations, he watches you attentively, his hand loosely clasped around your waist to keep you in place. you have to scold him midway at one point when he gets cheeky and sneaks a hand down your pyjamas, feeling the hem of your panties. 
eventually, you dry his face off with a hand towel. "there," you peck his cheek, "all clean."
when he doesn't let go of your waist, you raise a brow at him. "you only love me when i'm clean," he scowls, "don't you?"
you narrow your eyes at his tantrum, "i think you're forgetting how i'm sacrificing my screen time before bed to clean you up right now."
he looks unconvinced as he tails you out of the bathroom. he's about to throw himself back onto the bed when you stop him by his hand. "change first," you explain, pulling out fresh pyjamas and throwing them at him. 
wonbin stands idly and it's only when he starts raising his arms up that you realize he wants you to do it. you sigh, "bin, you're such a baby today." but you smile as you pull his shirt off, disregarding the way he instantly flexes when he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. slipping his pyjamas on, a piece at a time, you clap when he's done.
"i would make a great mother," you pat yourself on the back.
"you can adopt me if you want," he shrugs and you snicker, "i don't think i need to." 
"you want anything to eat before you sleep?" you ask as if you hadn't quite literally brushed his teeth. "chocolate," he says without any conviction and you roll your eyes at him, watching as he launches himself at the bed.
"quick, come here," wonbin whines. you pad over to your side of the bed and join him, giggling when his body curls around you instantly. his nose finds its indent against your neck this time, cold and fresh. 
for a minute, you think that's all you'll hear out of your boyfriend for the night. but it's just as you're about to reach for your phone when he speaks up again, "sorry if i'm boring."
you're not sure if your ears hear right, "what?"
but his voice is solemn, "...i'm probably kinda boring lately. so i'm sorry."
you turn on your side to face him completely, hand coming to rest against his cheek. "bin, you idiot. you coming home is the best part of my day."
"really? even though i'm too dead to do anything?" he perks up but his eyes gloomy, "we don't even fuck anymore. or go to the movies. or go out at all."
you laugh, "you're making us sound like an old couple on the verge of divorce, baby. you're just busier because of your comeback! i'm so excited and you should be, too."
"i am. but i don't want bore you."
"you don't, though. i'm lucky enough i get to see you at night and take care of you when i can. plus, it's not like you won't have more time after your promotions, right? we can do everything you want then."
wonbin blinks at you, his cool hand finally coming to meet yours where it was still caressing his cheek. he kisses your palm, "thank you. i'm glad."
"of course, love. now, go to sleep or you'll regret it tomorrow," you chirp, rolling over and shutting the lights off quickly.
"...you really would be a great mom," wonbin laughs at your behavior. 
"good night, wonbin."
"good night, mom."
you hit his arm at his brazenness but when he just laughs again, the sound is too sweet for you to even pretend to be mad. so instead, you hug him closer, hand on his bicep and his legs tangled with yours. 
bin: I AM FREE AT LAST
bin: FROM THE SHACKLES OF IT
you: …
you: how would ur fans react if i leaked our texts
you: so much for being mysterious
you: "shackles of it" boy have you ever touched a book
bin: okay so you're rude today
bin: i miss y/n mom version
you: ew?? if u have a kink i dont think this is gonna work
bin: because…? 
you: is sungchan still single
bin: i was kidding! haha!
you: ok.
bin: seriously tho let's do smth fun 2nite
you: i get off work late today :(
bin: whatttt you have a life outside of me :0
you: do you WANT me to break up with you???
bin: what i meant was i will be there to pick you up <3
you: wtv man idgaf anymore
bin: noooo
bin: i'll do anything you want don't be mad
you: anything?
bin: well other than leaking our texts ofc
you: i want to live together
bin: ???
bin: we alr do
you: wonbin 
you: baby
you: you just always come over to my place
bin: i sleep there it's my home wdym
you: and you still pay the bills for your place?
bin: i don't make that bag for nothing
you: ok so what if we lived together instead
bin: but i really like your place!!
you: i do too
you: let's make it our place 
bin: shit
bin: i just actually blushed irl
you: :) 
you: is that a yes
bin: i want to marry you
you: okay well let's calm down
bin: did u just reject me
you: i'm telling u that you're gonna regret proposing through text
bin: i love u and i want u to be my wife
bin: omg i just shed a tear at the thought of calling u that
bin: wife…. im changing ur contact name
bin: or should i change it to fiancée? since we havent yet tied the knot
you: park wonbin
you: we are 20 years old
bin: untrue
bin: im 22 
you: i am not marrying you right now
bin: … is there someone else
you: i'm not marrying anyone right now
bin: ok so i'm not husband material
you: you are
bin: i'm not father material? you: no comment
you: but we aren't ready babe
you: let's take it slow k?
you: just move in first
you: we have so many memories to make
bin: you're such a flirt
you: ??? u just asked me to marry you but sure
bin: i'll be moved in by the time you come back home
you: i thought you were picking me up
bin: that was before u asked me to move in
bin: now i have to bring all my stuff over
bin: which side of your closet can i use? bin: also thoughts on letting me keep my rock collection next to your figurines?
you: right side and no
bin: wow u didnt even think about it
you: imagine we get into a fight
bin: i refuse to
you: i'm just saying i would be tempted to throw them rocks at u
bin: you would do that????
you: depending on what u do
bin: why are you expecting me to do anything at all????
you: …experience
bin: wow
you: to be loved is to be known
bin: you can't flatter me now
you: i love you 
bin: …
bin: i love you too
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enluv · 1 year ago
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certified lover boy
pairing: non!idol/lovesick wonbin x fem!reader
synopsis: in which wonbin is a lover boy through and through who’ll do anything to win you over…except tell you himself of course.
genre(s): fluff pure fluff, smau oneshot, student riize
cast: most of riize, sungho bnd, and yuna itzy
warnings: cursing, dark humor, should be all but lmk!
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coco’s <3 note: hi toots! hope you all like this post one hehe, I feel like it’s too similar to my soft launchings but I wasn’t sure how else to change it tbh…so I hope it isn’t TOO similar if that makes sense! hopefully the nonnie that requested this likes it :) as always, feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!
riize taglist — @palajae @txtlyn @rllymark @soheekisser @luvbinnies @chaerybae @lecheugo @idkwatodoanymore @givemeakith @haechansbbg @mxlly143 @tinyelfperson @vampcharxter @odxrilove @noajakah236482 @nikilvrfvr @ja4hyvn
Want to be tagged? Check out the forms here!
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enhaas · 8 months ago
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HEAL MY HEART … WONBIN SMAU
synopsis !! after a tragic breakup, yn struggled to love herself again and believed true love just wasn’t a thing. park wonbin, a popular classmate, has been secretly admiring her for so long. after finding out what yn is going through, he is desperate to see her happy again…hopefully with him.
genre !! smau + written, popular! wonbin x fem! reader, high school au, fluff & angst, romance, slow burn
warnings !! covers serious topics, vulgar language, kys/kms jokes
features !! yn as yuna from itzy ~ rest of riize, twice members lsfrm members, bnd members, zb1 members, txt members, itzy members, & much more
taglist (open!) — ask to be added ~
STATUS CURRENTLY ON HOLD
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profiles … one | two
chapters ~
001. i’m gonna fuck that bitch up
002. stage one: texting
003. idek where to begin tbh
004. did she just leave me on read…
005. lovesick wonbin
006. YES 🙇🏻
007. you love the old him, yn
008. wonbin, thank you
009. unknown
010. what the fuck yn
011. choose wonbin
012. fast pace [ smau / written ]
013. let me show you [ written ]
014. cupid gyuvin??
015. fumbling the bag
016. gyuvin’s new era
017. lover boy wonbin
018. cupid in action
019. it’s ok you’re pretty
020.
+ tba !!
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wonkibrainrot · 2 months ago
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‼️BOYCOTT SM‼️
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haobubbles · 14 days ago
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Riize when you argue and they have to go on tour
genre: fluff, crack n kinda angst?
tw: no foolproof read!!, cursing
roxy yapps: i publicily apologise for taking so long to post smth😭 with my exam's week and now christmas (having family over ALL THE TIME) i haven't had time but well, here it is!! enjoy and if u can leave some ideas for req!!
── . ★ shotaro
after the attitude of fans at the airport and the fight he had had with you, this boy was quite a mess and was in very low spirit.
known as probably the most energetic boy on this earth, that day he would catch their fans by surprise when, even if his performance was astounding, he sounded more tired than usual and he clearly had his mind somewhere else. when he closed the door of his room in the hotel, after the concert, he made sure to send an apologise to briizes on weverse. without a second thought (after cheking the time of your country ofc) he called you.
"if you just need to, pretend we're fine until i come back home. i can't perform knowing i've fucked up and haven't made things right"
── . ★ eunseok
after having a fight with you, eunseok sent you a message about his departure for the tour, and as he didn't receive any message back, he second guessed that you needed your space, which he decided to give. he was sure you'd reach out when you felt better but the wait was slowly killing him.
on stage, he wouldn't seem as if he just had a fight with his significant other, although he kept on thinking about his electronic device, and if it had buzzed with a message of yours. he definetely acted flirty with the camera, sending flying kisses or winks in hopes you were watching it at home and you knew they were for you.
seeing your messages on his lockscreen made his face lit up instantly, which even if he knew he would be made fun of later, he couldn't care less.
eunseok: did you see me on stage? all those flying kisses and winks were for you
── . ★ sungchan
would definetely be pouty and with big ass moodswings.
on stage, he would be the sungchan everyone knew and loved, however, on backstage he would be (for the couple minutes they have) pouty, with his eyebrows furred and maybe even moody.
his teammates would probably need to take part in it by telling him how much you miss him. then he would call you with all his confidence built up and he would curse them out loud for setting him up.
"well, now that i've called you, let's just fix things okay? i miss you and i dont want to be abroad while having an on-going fight with you"
── . ★ wonbin
number 1 sulky boy. he would be confident about you two fixing your diferences but he hated the thought of getting on stage and being in a fight with his first and most important supporter.
either spam messages or he would go silent because he'd be too scared to say something or do things to worsen the situation. however; he wouldn't wait for you to make the first step.
would deadass indirectly tell you things during his speech "don't forget to tell your loved ones how much you appreciate them, no matter if you're arguing or phisically distant from each other.."
would leave everyone stunned and would low-key be very proud of himself when he would see your message "call me when you have some time x"
── . ★ seunghan
another boy with speeches however, he would take your arguing as a possibility to get you back, so he would put up a romantic act just for you to see (even if he was in front of thousands of people)
woulnd't be too worried because he was confident in deeply knowing you. he knew how you acted when you were mad and how he was supposed to act
"i've started listening to (your fav song) recently but i think it lacks some reasoning, could someone explain it to me?" "can i marry you? oh no, no, my heart can receive all the love from everyone but it can only give it to one person back"
── . ★ sohee
he would be lost. not only about what to do, but not talking to you and being currently not in good terms, it wrecked his routine and his "normality" so he wouldn't be sure on what to do.
i feel like he would need to talk it out with another member to ask for advice on how to make things right. he would be too shy to act bold by hismelf, so that's why he recurred to talk with euseok during the flight. even if the older member told him to just call you and have a proper conversation (which he of course would do) he dedided to add his own touch.
during the concert, he would say some words or constructions you usually used and poses and gestures you usually made. he just wanted to show you that even if he hadn't reached out, he kept you wiht him everywhere, everytime, no matter what.
"please call me or text me when you can. i miss you so fucking bad and i refuse to go on like this"
── . ★ anton
wheni tell you this boy would risk losing his flight because he didn't want to leave while you hadn't fixed things.
if he did really had to leave (or they just obligated him), he would be all the time sending you reassuring messages about how much he loves you, or maybe some memes to make you laugh.
on stage, he would be bubblier and happier than usual, but he would go viral for singing a snippet of 'the reason' of hoobastank. when the fans would ask him later on about why did he choose to sing it, he would dismiss the topic by saying that he just felt like it.
"i hope you liked it..i bet you'll even like it more when you know the boys have been making fun of me for 15 mins now"
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floresierss · 9 months ago
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RIIZE BF! TEXTS ★
masterlist . nav . ask .
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first post after my old account got deleted in december i hope someone recognises me :<. anyways feel free to send in any riize requests!
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ywnzn · 8 months ago
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hydrangea love | park wonbin smau (on hold)
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☆ ex!park wonbin x fem!reader x jung sungchan
☆ synopsis. yn, model & owner of a well-known perfume brand, releases a new series inspired by a heartbreak she went through. completely unaware that the new rising model who was chosen to promote the series is the same person who caused the heartbreak itself, park wonbin.
☆ genre.  smau + mayb written chapters, exes to lovers!au, love triangle trope, fluff, angst ?, romance, slow burn kinda, bad humor, stupid mcs !
☆ notes. random pictures will be used to visualise concepts, outfits & photo style for mc. do not hesitate to leave an ask if you have any suggestions! this is a remake of a soobin smau i discontinued last year ^
☆ features. rest of riize, illit’s minju, kiof’s julie, txt's taehyun, bonedo's taesan, zb1's gyuvin, ive's rei & more
☆ taglist. closed send an ask/comment to be added. @eternalgyu @drinktaro @toniiswrld @lipsbyive @hwadejectedyoung @seunghancore @teddywook @jinanangel @wonbinsvlle @totheseok @starwonb1n @miyawakiblossoms @snoopyana @nishimuraii @nujeskz @miyawwn @saranghoeforanton @ahnneyong @lecheugo @snowyseungs @antonsgirlfriend @ilovejungwonandhaechan @haecnh @chxrlvspp @revehosh @junstulip @emohoon @kyusqult @pinxeajin @rksbae @wonychu @secretnocluesworld @daegale @moamidzyism @nyu-topia @kkumistars @syzavxy @blossominghunnie @tocupid @lostinneocity @rllymark @valyjws @meowbini @mindalz @hildafuracao @eternallyhyucks @secretiny @conwunder @binoyu @esther-kpopstan @injunnie-lemon @jaehyunzm @endtostartbreathin @fae-renjun @bunni @bebubilu @syzavxy @enhacolor @soobiverse @sngj08 @xcosmi
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☆ profiles. powerpuff girls | RIIZE | lavies
☆ chapters.
01. [REDACTED]
02. girl idk
03. whatever u say
04. asking for a friend
05. is he not?
06. everyone knows
07. just a chemist written + smau
08. it's called x
09. damage control
10. joe king written + smau
11. ttoribini live
12. boyf material
13. double dates
14. petty? pretty.
15. picking fights
16. falls over & dies
17. overreacting
18. start over written + smau
19. dating game
20. me and who
21. lego blisters
22. no ew
23. sabotage
24.
ywnzn © 2024 ▸ this smau is merely based on fictional events and is not meant to represent any of the idols mentioned accurately in any way, either it's personality or shipping characters wise.
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gyumibear · 2 days ago
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Selca Day
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ᝰ.ᐟ synopsis — in which wonbin is a fan of your group, biases you, and posts on your fandom's selca day, which surprisingly gets your attention.
ᝰ.ᐟpairing — fan!park wonbin x idol!gn!reader ᝰ.ᐟ genre — smau, idol! au, comedy, fluff ᝰ.ᐟ warnings — swearing, jokes about violence, wonbin is down smth terrible lol
💬 — i love wonbin! also, i wanna do the reverse version of this, but it'll be for a different member <3 so if you want either sungchan or seunghan vote pls! (i have different ideas for sohee and taro lol) | divider creds: @/enchanthings
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© gyumibear 2024. all rights reserved! kindly do not repost on any social media sites, translate or modify my works without my permission. please don't plagiarize, it's okay to use my works as inspo as long as you credit me!
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cjayius · 7 months ago
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pairing. bf!wonbin x f!reader wc. 0.32k tw. kissing, wonbin’s a simp genre. fluff ( CATALOGUE )
you stand at your vanity, carefully applying lipstick for wonbin’s concert later tonight. the soft glow of the mirror’s lights casts a warm hue over the room, highlighting the slight shimmer of your eyeshadow. your focus is interrupted by the faint struming of a guitar from the next room, a familiar thne that brings a smile to your face.
wonbin’s reflection suddenly appears behind you in the mirror, startling you. his tall frame moves closer until you feel his arms wrap around your waist, his chin resting gently on your shoulder. you meet his eyes in the mirror, and he smiles, gaze filled with warmth and mischief.
“ you look so pretty, “ he murmurs, his voice a soft whisper in your ear. his arms around your waist tighten.
a blush creeps up your cheeks as you lean back into his embrace. “ thanks, bin. you should finish getting ready, too. you don’t want to be late to your own concert.
he chuckles, nuzzling your neck before pressing a gentle kiss to your shoulder. “ i have a few minutes. besides, watching you is much more interesting. “
you laugh softly, enjoying the warmth of his presence. “ sweet talker. “
wonbin’s fingers trace small circles on your waist, his touch sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. “ it’s true. you’re stealing all my focus. how am i supposed to play when i can’t stop thinking about you ? “
you turn around in his arms, facing him fully. “ then i guess ill have to sit in the front row to keep an eye on you, “ you tease, placing a hand on his firm chest. “ deal, “ he says, leaning in to steal a quick kiss.
“ hm, now go finish getting ready. i’ll be cheering for you from the audience. “
he nods, stealing one last kiss before reluctantly pulling away. “ i’ll see you out there, “ he says with s grin, heading back to his guitar.
as you turn back to the mirror to finish your makeup, you can’t help but smile, feeling a surge of love for the boy who holds your heart.
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taojjang · 2 months ago
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ᯓ riize reactions - healing after an argument
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pairing: bf!riize x reader, genre: light angst & fluff, warnings: crying
part one here .ᐟ ★
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♡⸝⸝ what he'd do to see that pretty smile again
shotaro . . .
after leaving the bedroom with plans on spending the night on the couch, you couldn't help but feel bad about what you'd done. you knew shotaro was the sweetest boy in the world, you were just acting impulsively on your jealousy and took it out on him. you wanted to turn around and apologize to taro a million times, but your pettiness wouldn't allow you to. so you settled on the couch and sat alone with your thoughts until you fell asleep.
you woke up confused yet warm with a thick blanket over you. you looked down and you felt your heavy heart slowly pick itself up. shotaro was lying on a blanket beside the couch with his hand propped up holding yours. you waste no time and kneel beside him, stroking his hair and lightly shaking him awake. "baby, wake up! why would you sleep here without a pillow? you're gonna be all sore!" taro smiled with his eyes still closed. he lied on his back and rested his hand on your thigh. "i'm sorry, honey... i just wanted to sleep beside you. i couldn't fall asleep while you were out here all by yourself."
your eyes softened before you leaned down to press a kiss on taro's forehead, lying against his chest afterwards. "i'm sorry, taro. i'm sorry for being so jealous. i just... can't stand seeing you with someone else." taro shook his head and gently ran his hand through your hair. "there's nothing to worry about, honey. why would i be searching for another girl when i have the world's loveliest girl all to myself?" all of your concerns circling last night's date all melted within an instant. your body relaxed against his. taro continued, "you're the best girlfriend i could ever ask for, y/n. you mean the world to me and you know that. i've never felt such love for anyone who isn't you. you're truly the best thing that's happened to me, and i wouldn't trade you for the world." your eyes softened and you felt your insecurity fade. taro's reassurance was the only thing you needed to forget about all of your worries. you laughed and sat up, resting your hands on his stomach. "let's go sleep on the bed." taro looked at the time on his phone and tilted his head. "it's already 9am, you still want to sleep?" you nod and gently tug on his shirt, drawing a smile from his lips. "we need to catch up on cuddles. i hate sleeping without you." that lovely smile of yours was all taro needed to see to know everything was resolved. he smiled and let you take his hand, restlessly guiding him to your shared bed. the rest of the morning was spent cuddling against each other like penguins, making up for the night you'd spent apart.
eunseok . . .
after eunseok voiced his disappointment in you, nothing hurt more than thinking of him. the idea of being such a nuisance to someone as important as him was tearing at your heart every second of the day. you only wanted the best for him— so you kept your distance. after storming out of his house, you wouldn't step foot in there for weeks. because he'd come to you.
you came home from work shocked to see eunseok in your kitchen, cutting fruit over the counter. he lifted his head and met your eyes. "what, did you forget i have the spare key?" seeing him again caused all of the suppressed anxiety to flood back into your system. you swallowed back your unease and rushed to your bedroom, needing a quiet moment of solitude. while changing out of your suffocating work clothes, your mind scrambled up an apology, but the weight of your shame and fear clouded any form of apology that came to mind. when you face him again, all you can do is shamefully sit in silence while he plates the food in front of you.
the tension was growing thicker and thicker the longer you sat ahead of him. you scarfed down your food in a sloppy attempt to escape the situation sooner, but that only ticked him off even more. "why haven't you answered my calls?" the sudden confrontation startled you. you cautiously swallow your food and keep your gaze on the plate. "i don't know," you cowered. eunseok's burdening gaze softened at the sound of your weak voice. he spoke delicately, "that's not an accident, darling. are you gonna tell me the truth or are we going another three days without contact?" the fear of spending another night alone settled into your panic-stricken heart, triggering a desperate yet honest apology. your fearful eyes met his and your stifled guilt let go of your long-awaited apology. "i'm sorry, seok. i'm sorry for not listening to you, and i'm sorry for being so intolerable." the tremble in your voice set off all alarms in eunseok's heart. like a habit, he rushed to you and took you into his arms. "if i knew you were getting so exhausted of me, i would've listened to you. i'm sorry for being so difficult." eunseok held you against his chest, stroking your hair while gently consoling your cries. "you are difficult, but i wouldn't have it any other way. i'm sorry for overwhelming you, but i'm only worried about your health, darling. i can't see you sick again. i'm sorry, too." eunseok's gentle tone only sent you into another fit of tears. you tightly held onto his shirt and began sobbing frantic apologies. he couldn't help but laugh at you, wondering how he'd ended up with such a stupid girlfriend. "are you done yet, crybaby? your food is getting cold."
sungchan . . .
the desperately needed alone time you'd finally earned felt everything but rewarding. you tried watching your favorite show, reading a book, and catching up on sleep, but nothing brought you that peace you'd been yearning for. all you wanted was sungchan. since the moment he'd slammed his bedroom door shut, your recovery was no longer your priority. now, all you wanted was to know if he was okay. though you're the one who deserves an apology, you couldn't help but linger on the thought of him needing comfort.
you knew sungchan wanted nothing to do with you at the moment, but you still found yourself sneaking off to the kitchen in search of him. you peeked around the doorframe and spotted sungchan in front of the counter grabbing a glass from the cabinet. your heart ached to see him so exhausted. as he poured a glass of water, you decided you wanted to make it up to him. he flinched feeling your weak arms take his waist into your embrace, your body pressing against his. sungchan swallowed back the heat rising to his face and his poker face remained. but as you rested your head on his shoulder, he felt his heart melt into a puddle of adoration for you. "i'm sorry you had a bad day, baby, and i'm sorry for making it worse. i really wasn't trying to push you away, chan. you're the last thing i'd want to lose. i just wanted some time alone, but i couldn't stop worrying about you. do you still want to cuddle..?" sungchan turned to face you and cupped your face in his hands. your stress melted away with one solacing kiss from him. "of course i do, princess. you have nothing to apologize for, alright? i know you just needed a quiet moment to yourself, i was just cranky from how tiring my day was and needed you. i'm sorry for putting my emotions before yours. we can cuddle tomorrow so you can have some time to yourself." you shook your head and clung to his chest as if he'd disappear. "no, i need you right now. i couldn't sleep without you." sungchan laughed and kissed your temple. "anything you want, doll."
wonbin . . .
nine times out of ten, wonbin is the last of you to apologize after a disagreement. but he is far from remorseless. he's not ashamed of apologizing or thinks he's free of any wrong: he's simply afraid to face you. after every argument, wonbin is terribly paranoid of making things worse. he can't live with himself knowing how badly he's hurt you or how much he's ruined for you. so he hides in fear of hurting you again.
but this time, he couldn't. he regrets not walking you home that night or even kissing you goodnight. he knows he overreacted; he's completely aware of his mistake. he's just too afraid of facing you knowing how much he hurt you. he'd been planning on going to your house with all your favorite snacks, hugging your pain away. he'd gone shopping for sweet treats he knew you'd love and even spent hours browsing jewelry stores for a pretty bracelet to gift you. yet all of this effort was spent just for his plans to be foiled.
the night he decided to surprise you, he spent hours preparing a pretty gift basket of everything he'd bought you. all of those little gifts displayed in a pretty pink basket with silk bows tied around every item; everything was perfect. but as he picked up the basket and turned to deliver it, the bedroom door creaked open. there you stood, dumbfounded with your eyes on the huge gift basket. wonbin was speechless. all he could do was stare at you with nervous doe eyes, waiting for a response. you let out an amused chuckle as you pulled out a white gift bag from behind your back. wonbin's anxiety melted in an instant. his eyes lit up and he hesitantly took the bag from your hands. "what's this for, baby..?" he asked with a glint of guilt in his eyes. you looked down at the bag and murmured, "i'm sorry for what happened the other day. i didn't mean to make you so upset." wonbin's heart shattered into a million pieces seeing your defeated demeanor. he dropped everything and took you into his embrace, cradling you against him and stroking your hair. "why are you sorry, baby? i had no reason to yell at you, i don't know what came over me. it's all my fault for being so miserable. i'm sorry for ruining things for you, y/n." you began to feel much lighter, finally being able to face wonbin without feeling guilty. you hug him tighter, cooing, "i forgive you, baby." though he should feel relieved, he pouted and whined, "i was supposed to apologize first! i prepared this whole apology gift just for you to come out of nowhere and spoil my entire plan! you even have a better gift than mine!" you sighed and shut up your whiny boyfriend with a quick kiss on the lips. "you win, okay? your gift is perfect, thank you my love~" your heart grew warm feeling all of the tension and gloom leave wonbin once he heard your reassurance. you'll always be his solace <3
seunghan . . .
a few days passed since you'd voiced your discontent with seunghan's love bombing. you thought you'd fixed things, but a new problem inevitably arose: now, seunghan was only a shell of what he used to be. after that night, seunghan became noticably less affectionate. he'd hesitate to hold your hand while you walked beside each other, and he'd take a while to give in and rest his head on your chest while you watched your show together. he was scared of hurting you. seunghan's heart was torn to shreds after learning he'd only been hurting you by doing what he thought was fixing the problem. though he'd taken your advice and began communicating rather than suppressing your issues with affection, things didn't feel right.
you didn't take the massive shift in seunghan's personality well. you wanted to tell him that it was okay to be affectionate, but you wanted to avoid being so overbearing when it comes to how he treats you. after all, your boyfriend is the sweetest boy in the world and you wouldn't change him for the world. it was all becoming too much. you were beating yourself up for criticizing him in the first place, blaming yourself for the intense decline in his happiness. you sat on your bed with your legs pressed against your chest, hiding your face in your knees. your guilt began exhuming from your body through tears.
as soon as seunghan heard your sniffles, he dropped everything and rushed to you. his heart stopped once he saw your frail state. he sat in front of you, mind racing trying to find a way to approach you. you looked up at seunghan and panic began settling in his mind. he stood frozen, helplessly staring into your teary eyes. "is... there something wrong?" you were stunned by his lack of reassurance. at times like this, he would have already scooped you into his arms and cradled you until the tears stopped. you'd finally been hit with the fact that you'd hurt seunghan so deeply. your head hung low as your soft sobs turned to heavy wails. his desire to hold you was growing stronger and stronger, but he wanted to show you how much he's improved for your sake. but it all became meaningless once you cried, "i miss you, seunghan." seunghan's eyes watered as he hesitantly moved beside you, delicately pulling you towards his chest. "i'm so sorry... i'm so sorry for changing you this much. i shouldn't have said anything, i should've kept quiet. i... i hurt you so much and i hate myself for it. i miss you, love." seunghan couldn't contain his tears hearing your frantic apologies. his tears dripped onto your sweater as he pulled you closer into a sincere hug. "never apologize for wanting better, y/n. i should be the one apologizing. i'm so sorry for hurting you. i'm so proud of you for trying to resolve things with me, i know it must've been hard. i'm gonna do my best to be a better man to you no matter how unbearable it is. you deserve the world, angel." your heart only grew heavier and heavier with every word that left his lips. you looked up at him with tears streaming down your face and attested, "no i don't, seunghan. it was so selfish of me to change you for my own comfort. you're the sweetest boy in the world and you were already perfect before i messed things up. i just miss my happy seunghan. i miss your hugs and your cuddles. i don't want you to be so anxious all the time because of me. i want you to be yourself again." seunghan wiped his tears before gently wiping yours. "but i'm always happy when you're around, angel. quit being so hard on yourself. i love you just as much as i did before, and nothing will change that. i'll cuddle you just as much as you want me to, alright? there's no need to cry, my love." you laughed and wrapped your arms around his waist. the world felt so much brighter now that his smile returned.
sohee . . .
the distance between you and sohee had only worsened your stress. you thought maybe having more alone time would help you focus on school and prepare you for the upcoming exams, but you were mistaken. all you could think of was sohee. you missed him so dearly that it overshadowed every single one of your tasks. you wanted him to come back so you could cuddle him and shower him with all of the attention he could ask for, but you knew the damage was done and he was upset with you. so you kept quiet.
that was until your doorbell rang. you sprung up from your desk and ran over to the front door hoping it was sohee, but to your dismay, it wasn't. "hello! delivery for y/n?" it was a food delivery from your favorite restaurant. you tilted your head. "i didn't order anything...?" the deliveryman looked down at the bag and read out the address to you, coincidentally matching yours. you hesitantly took the bag from him and bid him a good night. you opened the bag to be greeted by a small receipt. your eyes lit up as you read through the faded ink letters; "i haven't been there to make sure you're eating, so i figured i'd send you a meal. i hope this lifts your spirits and motivates you to push through your exams! you better keep your promise and invite me over once your exams are over! -lee sohee." you were finally able to smile once you saw his name at the bottom of the receipt. you ran to grab your phone and immediately called him. "y/n?" "come over right now." "but y-" "bring your pajamas."
you impatiently sat at the table staring at the receipt waiting for sohee to arrive. once the front door opened, sohee was startled with a tight hug from you. his body lost its tension and he smiled, holding you close and breathing in your scent. "thank you, sohee. you're the sweetest~" sohee laughed and stood up taller. "it was cool, right? i called the restaurant and was all cool asking them 'relay this message for my girlfriend.' aren't i the coolest boyfriend for that?!" you laughed and left a peck on sohee's lips. his flaunty demeanor melted and his cheeks flushed pink. "yes sohee, you're so cool. come eat with me!" the two of you shared the meal while watching naruto together, you finally getting some time away from your textbook. sohee was over the moon now that he'd gotten some of your attention. the two of you changed into your pajamas and completed your lengthy night routine before slipping under the covers and settling down for the night. you turned to face sohee and he nervously looked at your arms. "y/n, i'm... i'm sorry for how i acted the other day. you were already going through so much and i'm sure getting yelled at didn't help much. i... i think i just missed you too much." your eyes softened and you placed your hand on his cheek, your thumb gently brushing over his skin. "my sohee... :( it's okay, i understand why you were so upset. i'm sorry for neglecting you, i promise i'll make up for it. we can cuddle all night and we can even play video games tomorrow. how does that sound?" sohee's eyes lit up and he nodded with a huge smile plastered on his face. you laughed and left a kiss on his nose. turns out sohee was all you needed to escape all of your stress <3
anton . . .
anton can't last a day without you. you were surprised to still receive hourly texts from him after how you treated him last night. your heart broke seeing him act like everything was normal while he was still hurt from how you spoke to him. you kept texting him 'i love you's to console his worries, but you knew that wouldn't be enough. so you invited him over.
the second he walked through the door, his sorrow was evident. his smile was weaker than usual and his eyes had this emptiness to them. even his hug felt weaker than before. you held his hand and lead him to your bedroom, where his eyes would light up and his smile would grow. you had set up this giant pillow fort in your bedroom and decorated it with pretty fairy lights and teddy bears. "what's this..?!" anton laughed, covering his mouth with his free hand. "surprise slumber party! come inside!" anton was astonished by the integrity of the fort and the amount of teddy bears and snacks that were hidden inside. "this is so cool!" he cheered, looking around with doe eyes. you laughed and pulled him down, trapping him in your arms. you peppered his face with hundreds of kisses while he giggled and squirmed. "stop it, it tickles!" you left one final kiss on his lips and moved back to meet his eyes. "i missed you, anton." his eyes softened and he smiled. "i missed you more, love." you brushed his hair back and gently ran your fingers through it. you took a deep breath before letting your thoughts roam free. "i'm sorry for yelling at you yesterday, baby. i was overwhelmed and i didn't mean to take it out on you. i wanted to surprise you as a way to make it up to you. i promise i won't forget to say i love you ever again, okay?" anton laughed and rested his hands on your waist. "that's what this is all about? gosh, you're the cutest. it's alright, i'm not upset with you. i understand why you were so frustrated. i'll work harder to make you feel appreciated. trust me y/n, nothing you do for me goes unrecognized. i love you so so much, my love." you cupped his face in your palms and left a tender kiss on his lips. "i won't let you forget how much i love you ever again." for the rest of the night, your clingy boyfriend would be stuck to you like glue. and of course, you wouldn't forget to whisper an "i love you" before kissing him goodnight.
a/n: the happy ending! i didn't expect my first angst to get so many interactions, i was using all of my brainpower to push this out for you guys lmao!! thank you sm for loving part one so much and i'm sorry to everyone i've hurt </3 i hope this makes up for it! i also got a bit carried away with seunghan's part... i just miss him sm i am so sorry my friends
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eunseoksimp · 4 months ago
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West Coast ; Park Wonbin
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Pairings: Lead Singer!Park Wonbin x Bass Guitarist!Reader
Genre: Angst, Songfic
Description: caught in the chaos of fame and forbidden longing, you’re the guitarist in a rising band, battling intense feelings for park wonbin—charismatic, untouchable, and completely unaware of the storm he’s stirred within you. despite the deep adoration you pour into your music, he remains distant, leaving you to grapple with a passion that he’ll never truly return.
Warnings: alcohol consumption, poorly strung together suggestive content, unprotected sex (please do not imitate in real life), one mention of an ed
. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .
you stand in the shadows, just out of reach of the flickering stage lights, the pulsing beat of the bass vibrating through your chest like a second heartbeat. 
the air is thick with the scent of sweat, alcohol, and something else—something electric, almost tangible. the crowd surges and sways in front of you, a living, breathing sea of bodies lost in the music, their collective energy like a storm ready to break.
on stage, wonbin commands the space like a golden god, every movement deliberate, every note he plays dripping with an effortless cool that sends shivers down your spine. his fingers dance over the strings of his guitar, coaxing out a sound that feels like fire and silk all at once, burning and soothing. the lights catch the sheen of sweat on his brow, turning him into something almost otherworldly, like he’s been kissed by the gods themselves.
you can’t take your eyes off him, and it’s not just because of the music. 
there’s something about the way he moves, the way his hair falls into his eyes, the way he grins at the crowd—wild and free, untamed. it’s as if he’s made of the very essence of the west coast, of sunsets that bleed into the ocean, of nights that stretch on forever, filled with the promise of something more, something you can almost touch but never quite grasp.
but this, right here, this stage, this music—it’s everything you ever wanted, everything you dreamed of. it’s the reason you left behind the quiet life you once knew, trading it for the chaotic, unpredictable rhythm of the west coast. music had always been your escape, the one thing that made sense in a world that often felt too loud, too fast, too much. 
you remember the first time you picked up a guitar, the way the strings felt under your fingers, the thrill of creating something from nothing, the way the music seemed to pour out of you like it had been waiting there all along. it was as if you had found the missing piece of yourself, the part that had been aching for something more.
back then, you were just a girl with big dreams and a second-hand guitar, strumming away in your bedroom, your heart set on making it in a world that didn’t seem to have a place for you. you poured yourself into the music, letting it carry you away, dreaming of the day when you’d be on stage, playing to a crowd that felt every note, every chord, just as deeply as you did.
and then, one day, that dream started to take shape. it wasn’t easy—it was late nights and early mornings, playing in dingy bars for crowds that barely noticed you, struggling to make ends meet while holding onto the belief that one day, it would all be worth it. 
you met yunjin during one of those late nights, in a crowded bar where the air was thick with smoke and the floor sticky with spilled drinks. she was behind the bar, pouring shots with a practiced ease, her eyes flicking to the stage every now and then, as if she was waiting for something—or someone. 
you were up next, and you remember the way your hands trembled slightly as you plugged in your guitar, the nerves dancing under your skin like live wires. 
but the moment you started playing, everything else fell away. the music took over, filling the small space with a sound that was raw and powerful, pulling the few people who were paying attention into its grip.
 when you finished, there was a brief moment of silence before the applause started—a smattering at first, then growing louder, more enthusiastic. it wasn’t much, but it was enough. enough to make you believe that maybe, just maybe, you were on the right path.
yunjin had approached you afterward, a drink in hand and a smile on her face. 
“that was incredible,” she said, her voice low and warm, the kind that instantly put you at ease. “you’ve got something special, you know that?”
you shrugged, not really sure how to respond. compliments always made you a little uncomfortable, like they were something you didn’t quite know what to do with.
 “thanks,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper, still riding the high from the performance.
“no, seriously,” she insisted, leaning in a little closer. “you’ve got the kind of talent that people notice. you ever think about doing this full-time? like, for real?”
you laughed, a short, nervous sound. “that’s the dream, isn’t it?”
“well, dreams don’t come true if you don’t chase them,” she said, and there was something in her tone that made you believe she knew what she was talking about. “listen, a few friends of mine are putting together a band. we’re looking for a guitarist. interested?”
that’s how it started—a chance encounter in a smoky bar, a conversation that led to late-night rehearsals in a cramped garage, the sound of music filling the space like it was the most natural thing in the world.
 yunjin introduced you to the rest of the band, and you fit in like you’d always belonged there, like this was where you were meant to be.
and then there was wonbin.
you remember the first time you saw him—really saw him—not just as another musician, but as something more. it was during one of those rehearsals, the sun just starting to dip below the horizon, casting everything in a soft, golden light. 
he was sitting on the edge of the stage, tuning his guitar, his hair falling into his eyes in that careless way that seemed so effortlessly cool. there was something about him, something that drew you in, made you want to know more, to see past the easy smile and the rockstar persona.
he caught you staring, and for a moment, you were sure he was going to say something, maybe tease you or flash that grin that made your heart skip a beat. but instead, he just looked at you, his gaze steady, unreadable, like he was trying to figure you out. it was the first time you felt that strange, electric pull, the one that made it hard to breathe, hard to think.
“hey,” he said finally, his voice low, almost lost in the noise of the band setting up. “you’re the new guitarist, right?”
“yeah,” you managed to say, hoping your voice didn’t betray how nervous you felt. “that’s me.”
“cool.” he nodded, then looked back down at his guitar, strumming a few chords. “heard a lot about you. they say you’re good.”
“they do?” you asked, surprised. you hadn’t realized you’d made that much of an impression.
“yeah.” he looked up again, his eyes locking onto yours, and there was something in his gaze that made your heart race. “you’ve got the music in you. that’s what matters.”
those words stuck with you, long after the rehearsal ended and everyone had gone home. it was the first time someone had acknowledged what you’d always felt deep down—that music wasn’t just something you did, it was who you were. it was in your blood, in your bones, a part of you that you couldn’t separate even if you tried.
and from that moment on, you were hooked. on the music, on the band, on the way wonbin made you feel—like you were part of something bigger than yourself, something that mattered. you started looking forward to rehearsals, to those late nights when the world outside the garage faded away, leaving just the music and the band and that electric feeling in the air.
but it wasn’t long before you realized that the feeling you had for wonbin wasn’t just admiration, or even the camaraderie that comes from making music together. it was something more, something deeper, something that scared you because it felt so out of control.
you tried to ignore it, to push it down, telling yourself that it was just a crush, that it would pass. but the more time you spent with him, the harder it became to pretend that what you felt was anything but real.
 it was in the way your heart sped up every time he smiled at you, in the way your stomach flipped when his fingers brushed against yours as you passed him a guitar pick, in the way your thoughts drifted to him when you were alone, late at night, the memory of his voice, his touch, lingering long after you’d said goodbye.
and now, as you stand in the shadows, watching him command the stage, you feel that same pull, that same intoxicating mix of longing and fear, of desire and dread. you know you shouldn’t let yourself feel this way, that it’s dangerous to want someone who lives so freely, who moves from one girl to the next like it’s nothing, like it doesn’t mean anything. 
but you can’t help it. because when wonbin looks at you, when he plays that guitar like it’s an extension of himself, like it’s a part of his soul, you forget everything else. you forget that you’re supposed to be strong, that you’re supposed to keep your feelings in check, that you’re just another musician in the band, nothing more.
the song shifts, the tempo slowing, and the world seems to slow with it. the lights dim, and for a moment, it feels like it’s just the two of you—wonbin on stage, you in the shadows, the space between you charged with something that makes your skin tingle. he looks up, his gaze cutting through the crowd, and for the briefest second, his eyes find yours.
the breath catches in your throat, and everything else falls away. the crowd, the noise, the heavy press of bodies around you—it all dissolves, leaving just the two of you in the dim glow of the stage lights. he holds your gaze and in that moment, it feels like he’s playing just for you, like every note is a secret shared between you and him alone.
your heart beats faster, a wild, erratic rhythm that echoes the pounding of the drums. you know you should look away, pull yourself back from the edge of whatever this is, but you can’t. you’re caught, like a moth drawn to a flame, helpless to resist even as you feel the heat of it burning you alive.
the song builds again, the tempo picking up, pulling you back into the frenzy of the crowd. the moment is gone, slipping through your fingers like grains of sand, but the fire it sparked in you lingers, smoldering in the pit of your stomach. you try to shake it off, to remind yourself that he’s just another rockstar, that you’re just another face in the crowd.
but deep down, you know it’s a lie. because nothing, no one, has ever made you feel the way he does—like you’re teetering on the edge of something vast and terrifying, something that could consume you if you let it. and maybe, just maybe, you want to let it.
the song ends in a blaze of sound, and the crowd erupts in cheers, their voices rising to meet the final, lingering notes. wonbin steps back from the mic, grinning wide, his eyes alight with the thrill of the performance. he gives the crowd one last look before turning away, and just like that, the spell is broken.
you’re left standing in the shadows, your heart still racing, the ghost of his gaze burned into your memory. the music fades, replaced by the dull roar of the crowd, and the world crashes back in around you, loud and overwhelming. you take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself, but it’s no use.
you’re already lost, swept away by the current, and you know there’s no coming back.
“hey, you okay?” yunjin’s voice cuts through the haze, and you turn to see her standing beside you, a concerned look on her face. “you seemed a little... distracted.”
you force a smile, trying to push down the feelings that are threatening to overwhelm you. “yeah, i’m fine. just... caught up in the music, i guess.”
she nods, but there’s a knowing look in her eyes that makes you wonder if she can see right through you. “it was a good show,” she says, her tone light, but you can hear the unspoken question in her words.
“yeah,” you agree, your voice sounding distant even to your own ears. “it was.”
but as the crowd starts to disperse, the lights dimming, you can’t shake the feeling that something has shifted, something has changed. and as you watch wonbin disappear into the backstage area, laughing with the rest of the band, you wonder if you’re ready for what comes next. because no matter how hard you try to deny it, to push it down, you can’t escape the truth.
you’re in love with him.
and that terrifies you more than anything.
. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .
the night stretches on, an endless loop of thumping bass, flashing lights, and the bitter tang of alcohol on your tongue. you’re caught in the current of bodies, the rhythm of the music a steady pulse that reverberates through the floor, through your skin, through your bones. the air is thick with the scent of sweat and perfume, a heady mix that clings to your senses, making the room spin just a little bit faster. 
someone hands you another drink—something clear and sharp, burning its way down your throat—and you take it without thinking, without caring. it’s easier to lose yourself in the blur of faces, in the haze of smoke and alcohol, than to confront the gnawing emptiness that lingers just beneath the surface, the one that’s been growing louder with each passing hour, each passing drink.
you’re supposed to be having fun. this is what you wanted, isn’t it? the wild nights, the carefree abandon, the reckless freedom that comes with living by west coast standards. if you’re not drinking, then you’re not playing. you laugh at a joke you don’t quite hear, your voice swallowed by the music, and someone presses closer, their hands too warm, their breath hot against your neck. you pretend not to notice, letting yourself be swept along, another face in the crowd, another body moving to the beat.
but no matter how hard you try, the emptiness persists, a hollow ache that no amount of alcohol or dancing can fill. because even here, surrounded by the very life you once craved, you can’t shake the feeling that something’s missing, that something vital has slipped through your fingers. and no matter how tightly you cling to this illusion of fun, of freedom, it doesn’t compare to the way you feel when he’s near, when wonbin is close enough to touch, to breathe the same air.
you spot him across the room, leaning against the bar with that effortless, almost lazy confidence that makes your heart stutter in your chest. he’s surrounded, as usual, by a flock of girls, each one vying for his attention, their laughter bright and sharp as glass. 
they’re drawn to him like moths to a flame, their eyes wide with admiration, their hands reaching out, touching his arm, his shoulder, his chest, as if they can’t quite believe he’s real. 
and why wouldn’t they be? wonbin is everything the west coast promised and more—beautiful, untouchable, a living embodiment of the wild, hedonistic dreams that brought you here in the first place. 
he’s golden under the dim lights, his skin glowing with a warmth that seems to radiate from within, his dark hair falling into his eyes in a way that makes you want to reach out and brush it aside. his lips curl into that easy, devil-may-care smile that you’ve come to associate with danger, with the kind of desire that leaves you breathless and aching.
he’s laughing now, his head thrown back, the sound rich and intoxicating, and the girls around him are eating it up, their eyes shining with a hunger that mirrors your own. 
one of them—a tall, willowy blonde with legs for days—leans in close, her hand resting on his chest as she whispers something in his ear. he turns his head slightly, just enough to give her a look that makes her blush, her smile widening as she presses herself closer, her body molding to his like she’s trying to become a part of him.
you watch, your chest tightening with something dark and painful, something you don’t want to name because it feels too raw, too real. 
jealousy.
 it wraps around your heart, squeezing tight, making it hard to breathe, hard to think. you take another sip of your drink, the alcohol doing little to dull the sharp edge of longing that cuts through you every time you see him like this, surrounded by people who don’t understand, who don’t feel the way you do.
he glances up then, his eyes scanning the room, and for a moment, just a brief, fleeting moment, his gaze lands on you. your breath catches, and it feels like time stops, like the noise and the lights and the crowd all fade away, leaving just the two of you in this suspended, fragile moment. his eyes, dark and unreadable, hold yours, and in that instant, you wonder if he can see it, if he can feel the way your heart races, the way your skin tingles with the memory of his touch, the way you ache for him with a need that’s almost painful.
but then he looks away, his attention drawn back to the girl at his side, and the moment shatters, leaving you cold and empty, the ache in your chest deepening into something almost unbearable. you want to look away, to turn your back on the scene playing out in front of you, but you can’t. you’re rooted to the spot, your eyes drawn to him, to the way his fingers brush against the girl’s arm, to the way she laughs and leans into him, her body a perfect fit against his.
it should be you. 
the thought comes unbidden, unwanted, and you hate yourself for it, hate the way it makes you feel—small, insignificant, like you’re just another nameless face in the crowd. but no matter how hard you try to push it down, to smother it with indifference, it’s there, pulsing beneath the surface, a constant reminder of what you can’t have, of what you’ll never have.
“you okay?” a voice pulls you from your thoughts, and you blink, turning to see yunjin standing beside you, her brow furrowed with concern. 
“yeah,” you lie, forcing a smile that feels more like a grimace. “just... thinking.”
yunjin follows your gaze to the bar, where wonbin is now leaning in close to the blonde, his lips brushing against her ear as he whispers something that makes her laugh, the sound light and tinkling like wind chimes. yunjin sighs, shaking her head slightly. 
“he’s always like this, you know. doesn’t mean anything.”
you nod, but the words do little to soothe the ache in your chest. because it does mean something, at least to you. it means everything. and that’s the problem.
“come on,” yunjin says, nudging you with her shoulder. “let’s get out of here. this place is dead anyway.”
you want to argue, to tell her that you’re fine, that you want to stay, but the words stick in your throat. because the truth is, you don’t want to be here anymore, don’t want to watch as wonbin wraps his arms around someone else, don’t want to see the way he smiles at her, the way he used to smile at you, back when things were simpler, back when you were just a girl with a guitar and a dream.
you nod again, letting yunjin lead you away from the crowd, from the noise, from the suffocating press of bodies. the cool night air hits you like a slap, sharp and bracing, and you take a deep breath, trying to clear your head, to shake off the lingering haze of alcohol and regret.
but as you walk away, the sound of wonbin’s laughter echoes in your mind, a haunting melody that you can’t seem to escape, no matter how far you go.
you find yourself in a quiet corner of the city, the distant hum of traffic the only sound in the stillness. the night is cool, the breeze carrying with it the faint scent of salt from the nearby ocean, and for a moment, you feel like you can breathe again, like the world has finally stopped spinning.
but even here, in the quiet, in the calm, you can’t escape the memory of him. it clings to you like a shadow, dark and heavy, following you no matter how hard you try to outrun it. 
you close your eyes, leaning against the rough brick of the building behind you, and let the night wash over you, trying to lose yourself in the sound of the waves crashing in the distance, in the coolness of the air against your flushed skin.
but it’s no use. every time you close your eyes, you see him—his smile, his eyes, the way he looked at you tonight, like you were just another face in the crowd, nothing more. it hurts, more than you want to admit, more than you can bear.
“you’re in love with him, aren’t you?” yunjin’s voice breaks through the silence, soft and understanding, and you flinch, your eyes snapping open.
“what? no,” you say quickly, too quickly, the words tripping over themselves as they leave your lips. “i’m not—i mean, he’s just... it’s nothing.”
yunjin doesn’t say anything for a moment, just looks at you with those knowing eyes, the ones that see right through you, that see the truth even when you’re not ready to face it yourself.
“you don’t have to lie to me,” she says gently, her voice barely above a whisper. “it’s okay to feel this way, you know. but you have to be careful. wonbin... he’s not the kind of guy who can give you what you’re looking for.”
the words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you feel something inside you crumble, something you’ve been holding onto for far too long. because she’s right. you know she’s right. wonbin isn’t the kind of guy who stays, who commits, who gives himself fully to anyone. he’s wild, untamed, like the music he plays, like the life he leads. and you? you’re just a girl with a guitar, lost in a world that’s too big, too bright, too much for you to handle.
but despite all that, despite the warnings, despite the pain, you can’t let go. because as much as it hurts, as much as it tears you apart, you can’t imagine a world where he isn’t in it, where you don’t feel this burning, aching, all-consuming need for him.
and that terrifies you more than anything.
“i know,” you finally whisper, your voice small and broken, the admission tearing at your heart. “but i don’t know how to stop.”
yunjin steps closer, wrapping her arms around you in a tight, comforting embrace, and you let yourself fall into it, let yourself lean on her because you’re too tired, too worn out to stand on your own anymore.
“you don’t have to do this alone,” she murmurs, her voice a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. “i’m here, okay? whatever happens, i’m here.”
you nod, swallowing hard as you blink back the tears that are threatening to spill over, and hold on just a little bit tighter.
the cold night air wraps itself around you like a second skin, biting into your exposed arms as you stand outside the club, watching your breath curl in the dim light like ghostly tendrils. yunjin’s voice is a faint echo in your mind, promising to be back soon, but even that has faded into the backdrop of distant party noise and the rhythmic crash of waves nearby. you’re left in the quiet now, the world softened by the fog that rolls in from the ocean, and the stillness presses on you, amplifying the chaotic swirl of thoughts running through your head.
the streetlights cast long, jittery shadows across the slick pavement, and the cool breeze carries the distant sound of waves crashing against the shore, a reminder of the ocean’s relentless rhythm. you lean against the rough brick wall of the club, your arms folded tightly around yourself, trying to stave off the creeping cold. your breath forms little clouds in the air, merging with the mist that hovers above the ground, making the world feel like a half-remembered dream.
how long have you been out here? minutes or hours? time seems to stretch and distort in the quiet, your mind replaying the night’s events on an endless loop, a relentless loop of faces and laughter, of wonbin’s smile and the way he looked at the girls, the way he barely glanced at you.
the club door swings open, its rusty hinges groaning in protest, and you glance up to see your bandmates stumbling into the street, their laughter cutting through the quiet like a jagged blade, carrying a carefree, drunken energy that contrasts sharply with your own sense of isolation. 
hongjoong and gunil cling to each other for support, their arms draped around each other’s shoulders, their steps uneven and their laughter loud. minjeong follows behind, her expression a mixture of disapproval and amusement, though her flushed cheeks betray her own indulgences.
wonbin is the last to emerge, his movements smooth and deliberate, his posture relaxed as if the night’s revelry had done little to disturb his composure. his dark hair falls in expertly tousled waves, a natural charm that seems almost effortless. he surveys the scene with an amused smirk, his hands casually shoved into his pockets, his eyes flicking over each of you with a lazy, calculating gaze.
“no lady tonight?” gunil slurs, his words slightly garbled from too many drinks. he leans heavily against the wall, his gaze fixed on wonbin with a mixture of curiosity and drunken challenge. 
“you were definitely working it back there.”
wonbin chuckles, a low, rumbling sound that carries through the night air, and shakes his head, his amusement clear.
wonbin’s laugh is low and smooth, curling around you like smoke. he shakes his head, his amusement barely contained. “nah, not tonight.”
“maybe he’s finally developed a conscience,” minjeong quips, her voice tinged with both sarcasm and an underlying warmth, as though she’s enjoying the banter despite herself.
 wonbin’s middle finger flicks up lazily in response, drawing more laughter from the group, the sound echoing off the walls and mixing with the distant hum of the city.
“or maybe wonbin just wants some beauty sleep,” wonbin adds, his tone teasing as he leans against the van, the laughter still bubbling up from his chest. 
“we have rehearsals tomorrow and it’s extra hard getting the ladies out of my bed the morning after.”
the group sniggers in response, hooting and hollering at the joke, the sound warm and raucous, a stark contrast to the biting chill of the night. you stand apart, rolling your eyes at the familiar exchange, the chill seeping into your bones, making you shiver despite the alcohol’s lingering warmth.
wonbin’s eyes land on you, noticing the way you’re pulling the sleeves of your top tighter around yourself, and without a word, he pushes off the van he’s been leaning against and crosses the short distance between you. his approach feels deliberate, like a wave slowly crashing toward shore, unstoppable in its momentum and you can’t help but feel a thrill of anticipation, mixed with a pang of apprehension.
“relax, princess, you know i treat my ladies with care” he says, his voice a low murmur, the term of endearment grating on your nerves but somehow soothing at the same time. he shrugs off his jacket with a smooth, practiced motion and drapes it gently around your shoulders. the fabric is warm, a stark contrast to the cold, and the simple touch of his fingers against your skin sends a shiver up your spine, more from the intensity of the moment than the chill of the night.
you pull the jacket closer around yourself, trying to absorb its warmth, and wonbin stands close, his presence overwhelming and intoxicating, like a wave crashing over you. his scent clings to it—a mix of cedar, smoke, and something darker, more intoxicating—and it envelops you in an invisible hold, making it hard to breathe, harder to think.
his fingers brush your arm as he pulls back, and that brief touch is enough to send a shiver down your spine, though you tell yourself it’s from the cold. wonbin steps back, his expression unreadable, and you try to shake off the tension building between you, but it clings, thick and electric.
you swallow, pulling the jacket tighter around yourself as if it could protect you from the storm brewing inside.
 “i’m sure they’re very lucky,” you reply, trying to inject some levity into your voice, but it falls flat, the words hanging heavy in the air between you.
wonbin chuckles, low and smooth, before turning away to join the others. they’re all piling into the van now, their drunken chatter filling the air once more, and you’re left standing there for a moment longer, watching him, feeling the weight of his jacket and the lingering touch of his hands like a brand on your skin.
wonbin gestures for you to get in first, and you hesitate for a moment, caught between the lingering ache in your heart and the sharp reality of the night before sliding into the seat next to yunjin and the doors close with a soft thud, sealing you all inside the small, warm space.
as the car pulls away from the curb, you watch the city lights blur by, the streetlights casting fleeting patterns of gold and shadow against the window. the world outside moves in a dizzying rush, but inside the car, there’s a strange, enclosed stillness that makes the space feel smaller, more intimate.
wonbin’s presence beside you is a constant, a magnetic pull that seems to draw you deeper into the whirlpool of your own feelings. he sits with an easy grace, his gaze fixed out the window, his fingers tapping a casual rhythm on his knee. 
the soft hum of the engine and the low murmur of conversation from the others blend into a soothing, almost hypnotic background, and you find yourself sinking further into the space he occupies, into the place where he’s the only thing that matters.
but with each passing mile, you sense the danger in falling even deeper for him. the city lights flash by in a blur, and with each passing second, you feel the weight of your emotions pressing down on you, making it harder to breathe, harder to think. you know, deep down, that this is a dangerous game you’re playing, one that could leave you shattered and alone.
you glance at wonbin, the soft glow of the interior lights casting a warm, golden sheen on his features, and you feel the pull of him like a tide pulling you under. his smile, the easy confidence in his posture, the way he seems completely at ease with everything—it’s intoxicating, and it makes you ache with a need you can’t quite define.
as the car continues its journey through the city, you find yourself wondering just how deep this feeling goes, and if there’s any way out. you know the night’s end will come, that the lights will fade, and the illusion will be over, but for now, you’re lost in the moment, in the dangerous allure of the man beside you, and the growing realization that the more you fall for him, the more you risk losing everything you’ve worked for.
and as the car moves through the city’s heart, you cling to the hope that maybe, just maybe, this night could be different, that maybe this time, you’ll find something real in the chaos, in the music, in the man who has you spinning in his orbit.
. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .
the early morning light filters in through the thin, gauzy curtains of your shared hotel room, painting the walls with a soft, golden hue. the room is still and quiet, save for the faint, rhythmic sound of yujin’s breathing, a gentle symphony of snores that fills the space with a comforting, if slightly intrusive, noise. you stretch slowly, feeling the soft, cool sheets clinging to your skin, and rise cautiously from the bed.
you move on tiptoes, each step a careful whisper against the worn carpet. the room feels like a cocoon of half-sleep, where the world outside is still wrapped in the dim embrace of dawn. yujin’s form is a shadow beneath the covers, her face serene and peaceful as she dreams away, oblivious to your early morning ritual. you pause for a moment, watching her with a mixture of envy and determination, knowing that you need to get moving.
you reach for your clothes, your movements deliberate and sluggish, as if you’re swimming through a pool of molasses. the fabric feels heavy in your hands, and you struggle with the buttons and zippers, the sensation of the cool cotton brushing against your skin grounding you in the present. the clothes seem to cling to you like a second skin, but you manage to pull on your jeans and slip into a simple t-shirt, the material soft and slightly rumpled from the suitcase.
as you bend to retrieve your earphones, you fumble with the tangled mess of cords, each knot a testament to the hasty packing from the night before. the task feels like an intricate puzzle, each twist and turn a challenge to your sleepy state. finally, with a victorious sigh, you manage to unwrap the mess, the earphones now ready to be your companions for the day’s solitary journey.
stepping out of the room, you’re met with the cool touch of the hallway air, a brisk contrast to the warmth of the room you just left. the corridor is bathed in soft morning light, the floor tiles gleaming with a polished sheen that reflects your weary figure. you walk slowly, savoring the quietude of the hotel, the distant hum of the city below an occasional reminder of the day ahead.
the streets are still wet with dew, the air crisp and cool as you make your way to the practice space, determined to test out a few new riffs before the rest of the band arrives.
the studio is a sanctuary of sorts, filled with the comforting scent of aged wood and the faint tang of metal. you set up your new black guitar, its sleek, dark surface reflecting the overhead lights in a way that almost makes it look like it’s alive. 
the instrument feels like an extension of yourself, and you run your fingers over the strings, adjusting the tuning with practiced ease, letting each note resonate through the room. the sound is rich and full, a stark contrast to the heavy silence that envelops you.
you’re lost in the rhythm of your practice when the door creaks open, and a familiar voice breaks through your concentration. 
“morning sunshine, you’re here early.”
park wonbin’s voice is a silky drawl, smooth and almost musical, carrying the same effortless charm that you’ve come to recognise all too well. his presence fills the room like a warm draft, the kind that makes you shiver and feel alive all at once. 
you look up, and there he is—wonbin, with his tousled hair and that infuriatingly perfect smile. he’s a vision of casual elegance, dressed in a simple t-shirt and jeans, but the way he carries himself, the way he moves, makes him seem like he’s always center stage.
he strolls over with a confidence that borders on arrogance, his gaze flicking over your setup with a mix of curiosity and playful mischief. 
“new guitar?” he asks, his eyes lighting up as he takes in the sleek black instrument resting in your lap. “i love the black, it almost matches your soul.”
his voice is dripping with mock-seriousness, but there’s a genuine admiration in his tone that makes your heart skip a beat. he’s making a point of passing by right where you’re sitting, and before you can react, his hand ruffles your hair, the touch both familiar and irritating.
“very funny,” you reply, rolling your eyes as you try to brush off his teasing. your tone is flat, the coolness in your voice a shield against the warmth that his presence always seems to provoke. you don’t let your guard down, maintaining the cold, unimpressed facade that’s become second nature. it’s easier this way, safer, knowing that you’re not laying your heart bare for anyone to see, especially not him.
wonbin chuckles, a low, throaty sound that sends an involuntary shiver down your spine.
“come on, don’t be so serious. it’s a compliment. and you know, it’s not every day I see someone who can outshine a guitar.”
you shoot him a look, trying to mask the way his words make your heart flutter. “and i’m sure you’ve seen a lot of guitars.”
“true,” he says, leaning casually against the doorframe, his gaze fixed on you with an intensity that makes it hard to breathe. “but not many as intriguing as you. what’s got you up so early, anyway?”
you shrug, focusing on the guitar strings as if they hold the answers to all your unspoken feelings. “just wanted to get a head start. thought i might try out some new things before everyone else shows up.”
wonbin raises an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips. “and here i thought you were just a bundle of mystery and cool detachment.”
“is that supposed to be a compliment?” you ask, arching an eyebrow of your own, trying to keep your voice steady.
“depends on how you take it,” he replies, his smile widening. “but i’d say it’s a pretty high compliment. after all, it’s not every day you meet someone who can be both enigmatic and talented.”
you want to retort, to say something biting and witty, but the sincerity in his voice stops you. the warmth in his eyes, the way he looks at you as if he actually sees you—if only for a moment—makes it difficult to maintain your usual indifference.
you turn back to your guitar, trying to drown out the way his gaze lingers on you, the way his presence feels like a heavy weight pressing down on your chest. 
“well, don’t get used to it. i’m just here to do my job.”
wonbin’s laughter is soft, almost conspiratorial. “right, of course. but just so you know, your ‘job’ looks pretty impressive from where i’m standing.”
you glance up briefly, catching his eye, and for a second, the playful banter fades away.
“save the flattery for someone who might believe it,” you say, turning away to adjust the guitar’s settings.
wonbin watches you for a moment longer before pushing off from the doorframe, his footsteps light as he heads toward the practice area.
 “alright, alright. i’ll let you get back to your mysterious guitar-wielding ways. but don’t think i won’t be keeping an eye on you.”
you don’t turn around, focusing on the gentle hum of the guitar as it vibrates against your fingers. the room feels different with wonbin’s presence lingering, a mix of warmth and tension that makes it hard to concentrate. you can feel the weight of his gaze, even when you’re not looking directly at him, and it makes the silence between you both feel charged with an electricity that’s both thrilling and painful.
the door swings open with a cheerful creak, and the rest of the band starts to trickle in, their conversations and laughter blending with the sounds of tuning instruments and setting up equipment, a noisy contrast to your solitary practice.
hongjoong and gunil come in first, their laughter loud and brash, their footsteps heavy with the remnants of last night’s revelry. hongjoong claps you on the back with a grin. 
“hey, i thought you might have gotten here first. working on some new riffs?” he greets you with a pat on your back, a grin spread wide on his face.
“it came into my head this morning, thought i should strum it out before practice” you reply, trying to sound nonchalant and hongjoong nods in response, an understanding of the feeling.
“makes sense. gotta strike while the iron’s hot.”
gunil, with his usual boisterous charm used primarily to annoy minjeong, throws an arm around hongjoong’s shoulders. “i see you’re still the early bird. wish i had your energy.”
before you can respond, minjeong steps in, her hair still touselled from sleep as she gives you a small smile before turning back to the boys. 
“maybe if you spent less time being a loser online and actually tried to get some sleep you could be doing the same thing.”
“you wound me, my love,” he dramatically clutches his chest, warranting an eye roll from her, but there’s warmth there, an affection in the way she swats at his arm as they head toward the equipment.
you feel arms around your neck, but you don’t need to turn around to figure out that it’s yunjin, giving you a hasty kiss on your cheek before releasing you to respond to a question minjeong threw at her.
the session starts with a burst of sound, the studio coming alive with the mix of instruments and voices. you fall into the rhythm, your fingers dancing over the guitar strings, guiding the notes with a practiced ease. the music swells and contracts, a living, breathing entity that you shape with every strum and chord.
wonbin takes his place at the center, his energy a magnetic force that draws everyone in. he commands attention with his presence alone, his voice a deep, resonant force that weaves through the melodies like a thread of gold. he moves with a practiced ease, each gesture and glance imbued with the effortless charm that has become his signature.
“alright, let’s hit it,” wonbin says, his voice ringing out with the authority of someone who’s completely in control. “we’ve got a lot to cover today.”
you try to keep your focus, but the magnetic pull of wonbin’s charisma makes it difficult. he’s a storm in human form, and his every move is a reminder of the complex emotions you’re struggling to keep at bay. his gaze meets yours occasionally, a fleeting connection that sends a jolt through you, making it hard to concentrate on anything but the way he makes you feel.
the practice session rolls on, each song a test of your ability to stay grounded amidst the whirlwind of wonbin’s presence. you pour your heart into the music, letting the notes become a release, a way to channel the tumultuous feelings that threaten to overwhelm you. the guitar is your sanctuary, the strings your confidant, and as you play, you lose yourself in the music, if only for a moment.
the sound of applause and cheers brings you back to reality, the session ending with a satisfying crescendo. you look up to see the band members gathering, their faces flushed with the effort and exhilaration of a productive rehearsal. wonbin’s grin is a dazzling contrast to the fatigue etched on the rest of their faces, and you can’t help but be drawn to the way he stands, relaxed and confident, as if the entire world is his stage.
“great session, everyone,” wonbin says, his tone a mix of satisfaction and nonchalance. “let’s take a break and grab some lunch.”
as you unplug your guitar, the amplifier crackling softly, wonbin approaches again, his steps slow and deliberate. "you did great today. i’m guessing it’s the guitar?"
you smirk, unable to resist the playfulness tugging at the corners of your lips. "or maybe i’m a rock god, and everything i touch turns to gold."
his laugh is a quiet, disbelieving huff, but his eyes twinkle, and for a moment, his gaze lingers. "all this time, i’ve been in the presence of royalty. how lucky am i?"
"super lucky," you reply with a wink, trying to ignore the way his smile makes your heart race.
the moment stretches between you and before you can both continue, gunil’s exaggerated calls for food break the spell, and wonbin, with a final grin, walks away. you watch him go, his figure retreating with an ease that leaves a hollow space where his presence had been moments before. the air feels lighter, but the weight of his absence clings to you all the same.
. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .
the restaurant hums with life around you, the warm glow of overhead lights casting everything in a soft, amber hue. laughter bubbles up from nearby tables, the clinking of glasses and silverware adding to the symphony of sound. 
but all of that fades into a distant murmur as you watch the waitress, a whirlwind of charm, glide back to your table. her gaze lands on wonbin like a moth drawn to a flame, her smile bright and focused entirely on him. the way she leans over as she places his drink down, how her hand lingers just a second too long near his arm, makes something twist painfully in your chest.
“can i get you anything else?” she asks, her voice thick with syrupy sweetness, directed solely at him. there’s a playful edge to her words, like she’s daring him to ask for more than just a refill. 
wonbin leans back in his chair, his easy grin in place as he shakes his head, “we’re good for now, thanks angel.”
the exchange is brief, casual on the surface, but it digs deep into you, sharp and unrelenting. the jealousy seeps in slow, like poison, filling your veins with a quiet bitterness that you try hard to swallow down. 
you hate that it affects you this much, but it’s impossible to ignore the sinking feeling in your chest, the constant reminder that wonbin is a star, and you’re just orbiting around his light. 
yunjin’s hand finds yours under the table, her fingers wrapping around yours in a silent gesture of comfort. she squeezes gently, her thumb brushing over your knuckles, and when you steal a glance at her, there’s understanding in her eyes. she’s noticed—the way your posture stiffened, the quiet tightness in your jaw. she always notices.
minjeong, seated across from you, catches the shift too. her brow arches ever so slightly, her gaze flicking from you to wonbin and back again. but she says nothing, her silence a shield for you, offering you space in a moment where the walls feel like they’re closing in.
“you alright?” yunjin asks softly, her voice barely above a whisper, meant only for your ears. her concern is genuine, warm like a blanket wrapped around you on a cold day, but you force a smile, nodding as you grip your fork a little tighter.
“yeah,” you murmur, though the knot in your throat tells a different story.
the waitress lingers longer than necessary, making small talk with wonbin. you can hear snippets of their conversation through the haze—her asking about the band, giggling at something he says in response. each laugh she gives feels like a nail hammered into the growing ache in your chest. it’s irrational, you know that. but the jealousy doesn’t care about reason.
the conversations of your friends blur into background noise as you stab at your meal absentmindedly, your fork scraping against the plate with each mechanical bite. it’s a futile effort to mask the hurt brewing inside, but you keep chewing anyway, as if forcing yourself to eat will somehow erase the sinking feeling in your chest.
“you don’t like the food?” wonbin’s voice cuts through the noise, pulling you back to the present. his gaze is fixed on you, brows slightly furrowed, concern laced in his tone. you blink, realizing you’ve been staring at your barely touched plate, fork idly scraping against the ceramic.
“no, it’s fine,” you say quickly, picking up a forkful of food and shoving it into your mouth, even though the taste is nothing but bland against the whirlwind of emotions storming inside you.
“how come you don’t pay attention to me like that?” gunil teases from across the table, his voice playful but his question rattling something loose in your chest. your heart skips a beat as you glance up at wonbin, waiting, watching for his response.
“what do you mean?” wonbin shoots back, smirking. “i let you cuddle me yesterday. i even let you be the little spoon.”
the table erupts in laughter, the sound rippling around you, but all you feel is the dull weight of disappointment settling in your stomach. of course. of course, it’s just a joke to him. what did you expect? for him to treat you any differently than the rest? for him to see you the way you’ve been aching to be seen?
the rest of lunch passes in a blur, the conversations flowing around you like a river you’re not a part of. you pick at your food, pushing it around your plate, the clinking of your fork scraping against the ceramic the only noise you can focus on. 
minjeong keeps glancing your way, her sharp eyes picking up on every little detail—the way your shoulders slump, the tightness in your grip on the fork, the way you avoid looking at wonbin and the waitress. but she doesn’t press you. instead, she fills the silence with casual chatter, steering the conversation with hongjoong and gunil to keep the mood light, oblivious to the silent storm brewing inside you.
after lunch, the band decides to split up, each member heading off to explore the city. 
‘you’re sure you don’t want me to come?’ yunjin asks for the third time, her concern evident in the way her brow furrows.
‘i’m sure. the sauna is practically calling your name.’
you appreciate her care, but you need space, a chance to clear your head, so you reassure her—once, twice, three times—that you’re fine, and eventually, she relents, leaving you to set out on your own journey.
the city sprawls out before you, a living, breathing entity, pulsing with its own rhythm. the air is thick with the scent of freshly brewed coffee from nearby street vendors, mingling with the distant smell of fried food, an irresistible mix of sweetness and grease. you let the city wash over you, each breath filling your lungs with the complex and layered aroma of urban life.
around you, the world hums with motion—cars push through narrow streets, their engines growling low, while people weave through the crowds, heads down, absorbed in their own worlds. some laugh together, their voices rising above the background noise like the vibrant splash of colors on a gray canvas. others move with purpose, brisk steps tapping out a beat that seems to sync with the traffic lights’ rhythmic change from red to green.
 but you? you’re aimless, walking without direction, letting the city lead you.
the buildings loom tall and worn, their facades cracked with the weight of time. but they’re beautiful in their imperfection, each one telling a different story—a hidden history locked behind iron railings and shuttered windows. a passerby brushes past you, the scent of lavender and rain trailing after her, stirring something in you. memories you can’t quite place. emotions you don’t want to linger on.
as you walk, the sky above shifts from its bright afternoon blue to the soft, golden tones of dusk, the sun dipping low on the horizon, painting the world in hues of amber and rose. the city is bathed in this light, casting long shadows that dance across the pavement as you make your way toward the river. 
there’s something about this time of day that always makes you feel like you’re suspended between worlds—the day slipping away, but the night not quite here yet. it’s a quiet liminality that you can’t help but be drawn to.
when you reach the bridge, you stop, unable to move forward. the view takes your breath away—suddenly, all the noise, the chaos of the city, seems to fade into the background, replaced by the soft sound of the river below. 
it’s not a large river, but the way it winds through the city gives it a kind of intimacy, as if it’s cradling the streets and the buildings in its gentle flow. you lean against the railing, letting the cool metal press into your palms, grounding you in this moment.
the water reflects the sky, rippling with streaks of gold and violet, shimmering like liquid glass. the breeze carries a hint of something clean, something fresh—like the promise of a new beginning, mingled with the earthy scent of the riverbanks. 
you close your eyes, letting the wind brush against your face, soft as a whispered secret, and for a moment, you feel at peace. it’s as if the weight you’ve been carrying—the heaviness that’s been lodged in your chest since lunch—has lifted, even if only for a few heartbeats.
there’s something about this spot on the bridge, overlooking the water, that makes everything else seem distant and small. maybe it’s the way the river seems to know no rush, flowing steadily despite the frantic pace of the city around it. or maybe it’s the way the sky opens up here, wider and more expansive than it feels anywhere else. you breathe in deeply, tasting the coolness in the air, and feel something inside you unfurl, like a knot loosening.
you think of wonbin, unbidden, his name drifting into your mind like a leaf floating downstream. the river reminds you of him in some strange way—his easygoing nature, the way he never seems hurried, always flowing through life with a kind of effortless grace. 
wonbin, who draws people in with his warmth, his laugh, his casual touch. you can’t help but wonder if he ever feels like this river—steady on the surface, but with currents below that pull in directions no one else can see.
as you watch the water ripple and shimmer, you think about how he can be both comforting and unsettling, like the river itself. you’re drawn to him, unable to resist, but there’s always this sense that if you let yourself get too close, you might be swept away, carried somewhere you can’t follow.
but here, on this bridge, with the wind gently tugging at your hair, you can almost forget about the complications. here, everything is simple—just you, the river, and the sky, vast and infinite, stretching out before you like a promise. you hold onto that feeling, let it wrap around you like a soft blanket.
the city moves on around you—cars continue to pass behind you, their headlights flickering on as the sky darkens, the murmur of distant voices rising and falling like the tide. 
but for a moment, it’s just you and the bridge, suspended in time. you watch the last of the sunlight glint off the water, and in this quiet space, you allow yourself to imagine that maybe things could be different. that maybe there’s a world where you and wonbin could exist without all the messy, complicated feelings in between.
but the moment passes, as it always does. you feel the weight return to your chest, pressing down, familiar and heavy. still, you’re grateful for this brief escape, this small slice of peace carved out of the chaos. it’s enough, for now.
with a soft sigh, you turn away from the river, the city’s energy calling you back. the streets are alive with neon lights now, glowing signs flashing in shop windows, casting strange colors across the sidewalks. the air has grown cooler, the scent of rain in the distance—just a hint, enough to make the evening feel electric, like anything could happen.
and as you walk back through the city, the noise and lights swirling around you, your steps are heavy as you make your way back to your hotel.
the hotel hallway is dimly lit, bathed in a soft golden hue from the overhead lights. it’s quiet here, the noise of the city reduced to a low murmur beyond the thick walls. your footsteps echo lightly on the carpet as you approach your door, pulling the earbuds from your ears, only to pause when you see him.
wonbin.
he’s leaning against the wall beside your door, hands tucked casually into his pockets, his head tilted back just enough that the soft light casts shadows along his sharp jawline. the sight of him, so effortlessly at ease, makes your heart lurch in your chest. he shouldn’t be here, not like this, not when you’ve spent the whole day trying to escape the lingering weight of him.
you stop a few paces away, unsure of what to say, what to feel. the hallway feels too small suddenly, like there’s not enough air. your fingers fidget with the edge of your jacket, a nervous habit you can’t seem to break when he’s around.
“what are you doing here?” you ask, your voice quieter than you intended.
he glances over at you, his gaze soft, warm in a way that makes your defenses falter. 
“just wondering what everyone was up to,” he says casually, as if standing outside your door at night is the most natural thing in the world. “seems like you’re the only one who left the hotel.”
you nod, swallowing the lump in your throat. “yeah, just needed some air. the city’s nice.” your words feel flat, hollow, compared to the tension simmering beneath your skin.
he pushes off the wall, taking a step toward you, and you feel the shift in the air between you. “and you?” he asks, his voice a little softer now, more careful. “what did you get up to?”
you hesitate, avoiding his gaze as you focus on the small scuffs on the floor. “nothing much. walked around. found a bridge over the river. just... cleared my head.”
“sounds peaceful.”
“yeah,” you say, your voice almost a whisper, because it was peaceful—until he showed up here, dredging up all the feelings you’d been trying to bury. you glance up at him, and there’s something in his expression that makes you pause, something almost hesitant, like he’s choosing his words carefully.
“the waitress, the one we met earlier,” he says, and your stomach twists at the mention of her. “we just went for some drinks and stuff.”
you force yourself to nod, to play it cool, even as your heart sinks, the reality of who wonbin is—a man who floats effortlessly from one person to the next, always wanted, always admired—settling heavily in your chest. “cool,” you say, and it sounds so painfully detached that you almost wince at yourself.
“i invited her to the show in two days too,” he adds, and you  just offer a tight smile, biting back the words lodged in your throat.
“nice.”
the silence between you stretches, taut and fragile, and you can feel the weight of all the unsaid things pressing down on you. you wonder if he feels it too—the unspoken words hanging in the air like something tangible, something you could almost reach out and touch if you were brave enough.
wonbin shifts, his gaze lingering on you longer than usual, like he’s searching for something in your expression. there’s a flicker of something—hesitation? concern?—before he speaks again.
“you’re beautiful, you know.”
the words hit you like a punch to the gut, knocking the breath from your lungs. your heart stumbles in your chest, and you can’t tell if it’s hope or heartbreak that surges through you. you choke on the reply, swallowing hard as you manage to get something out.
“what?”
he steps closer, his voice quieter now, more intimate. “there’s beauty in everyone,” he continues, his gaze locking onto yours, “and i think everyone should feel content with the image that looks back at them in the mirror.”
his words hang in the air between you, confusing and heavy, and you’re left reeling, unsure of where this conversation is heading. “wonbin,” you murmur, your voice cracking slightly, “i don’t understand.”
he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck, looking suddenly uncomfortable. “today, at lunch... i noticed you didn’t eat much. i—look, i know it’s none of my business, really, but food’s important, you know? i just... i worry.”
it’s the last thing you expected him to say. out of everything, out of the teasing, the flirting, this is the side of him that always catches you off guard—the part that notices, the part that cares in ways that seem too deep for someone who glides so easily through life. it’s this part of him that keeps you tethered to something you know you shouldn’t hold onto.
“i don’t have an eating disorder, if that’s what you’re getting at,” you say, your voice firmer now, but still tinged with the vulnerability he’s brought to the surface. “i just wasn’t particularly hungry this afternoon.”
the relief that washes over his face is so immediate, so genuine, that it leaves you feeling disarmed. “okay, good. it’s been on my mind all evening, you know?” he says, his voice soft, like he’s embarrassed to admit it.
there’s a strange warmth in your chest at the thought of him worrying about you, of all people. and yet, it hurts too—because this is who he is. he cares, but not in the way you want him to. he notices, but it’s not enough. it’ll never be enough.
“i appreciate it, though,” you murmur, your fingers still playing with the edge of your jacket, trying to keep yourself together. “it’s sweet of you.”
he smiles at that, a small, lopsided grin that sends a familiar ache through you. “of course. what are bandmates for, right?”
bandmates. 
the word feels like a knife twisting in your gut, cutting away the tiny, fragile hope you hadn’t even realized you’d been holding onto. because that’s all you are to him. a bandmate. nothing more.
“right,” you echo, your voice barely audible.
wonbin watches you for a moment longer, and you can see the wheels turning in his mind, like there’s something else he wants to say, but he’s not sure how to put it into words. the tension between you is thick, the air charged with everything unsaid, everything you’re both too afraid to acknowledge.
but then, he steps back, breaking the moment. “anyway,” he says, his tone shifting back to something lighter, more familiar, “as long as you’re good, peace has been restored. i’m calling it a night.”
he flashes you one last grin, a glint of something mischievous in his eyes that makes your heart stutter. “see you tomorrow, rockstar.”
and just like that, he’s gone, disappearing down the hallway, leaving you standing there in the wake of his absence. the air feels heavier without him, the silence more oppressive. you release a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding, your heart still pounding in your chest from the whirlwind of emotions he stirred up in you.
you stand there for a moment longer, staring at the spot where he stood, the soft echo of his words still ringing in your ears. and despite everything—despite knowing that he’ll never see you the way you see him, despite the reality of who he is—you can’t help but feel that tiny spark of hope flicker inside you again, fragile but alive.
it’s dangerous, you know. but it’s there, all the same.
. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .
the new day dawns quietly, the early morning light filtering through the blinds of your hotel room. you lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, last night’s conversation with wonbin still playing on a loop in your mind. 
his words, his teasing, and that moment of softness when he told you he noticed—when he worried. it’s confusing, this strange dance between hope and heartbreak that seems to fill every interaction with him.
as you rise and get ready, there’s a nervous energy buzzing through your veins. today is the last practice before tomorrow’s performance, and the air is thick with anticipation. 
but for you, it’s more than that. after everything that happened, after everything unsaid, you feel like you’re bursting with emotions, your feelings for wonbin spilling out of you in ways you can’t control. and the only way to channel it is through your music.
you arrive at the rehearsal space, guitar case in hand, notebook tucked under your arm, ready to pour your heart into the one thing that’s always understood you. music.
 it’s the only place where the depth of your emotions feels safe, where you can express the longing, the yearning, the pain without anyone truly seeing. even when the lyrics are about him—about wonbin—they’re wrapped in enough metaphor and abstraction to keep your secret safe.
the room smells faintly of dust and wood, with the sound of instruments being tuned filling the air. there’s a comforting chaos to it, the familiar noise of creativity in motion. as you set up your gear, you can feel wonbin’s presence across the room, laughing with yunjin, his voice carrying over the clatter of the drum kit. he’s always the center of attention, always so effortlessly charming. you steal a glance in his direction, and for a moment, your heart skips a beat. it’s maddening, this pull he has over you—how one look from him can unravel everything.
but you can’t focus on that now. not here. not when you’re about to rehearse. you sit down, opening your notebook, the pages filled with half-finished lyrics, scribbled thoughts, fragments of your heart. your pen hovers above the page, and before you know it, the words begin to flow again. your emotions surge, and you lose yourself in the process, writing about the ache in your chest, the way he makes you feel like you’re always on the edge of something that never quite happens.
you pour everything into the lyrics—the desire, the longing, the frustration of loving someone who will never truly be yours. every word feels like a release, like you’re cutting open your soul and letting it bleed onto the page. your fingers grip the pen tighter, your handwriting becoming more frantic, more intense.
it’s only when you hear wonbin’s voice that you snap out of your trance.
“who’s the lucky guy?” his voice is teasing, lighthearted, but the words make your heart stumble.
before you can react, he’s next to you, reaching down and snatching your notebook from your hands. panic flares in your chest as he holds it above your head, his eyes skimming the pages.
“give it back, wonbin,” you say, your voice coming out small, almost pleading. you reach up, trying to grab it, but he’s taller, and he holds it out of your reach effortlessly. his grin widens at your feeble attempts, a playful glint in his eyes.
“he must be someone great if he’s got you all flustered,” he says, and there’s a flicker of something deeper in his tone, but you can’t quite place it.
“wonbin, seriously.” your voice is barely a whisper now, embarrassment flooding through you as he begins to read the lyrics aloud.
“‘long dark hair, pink lips,’” he continues, his voice lilting as he teases you, and you feel yourself shrinking under the weight of his words. your cheeks burn with embarrassment, your heart thudding in your chest as if he’s exposing a part of you you weren’t ready for anyone to see.
“stop embarrassing the poor woman and give her the book back,” minjeong scolds as she walks past, smacking the back of wonbin’s head. he yelps, rubbing the spot with an exaggerated pout.
“i was just looking,” he says, handing the notebook back to you. “she’s always writing so seriously, i wondered what her creative process was.”
you snatch the notebook from his hands, clutching it to your chest like a shield as you retreat to the other side of the room. your fingers tremble slightly as you shove the notebook into your bag, your heart still racing from the encounter. it feels like he’s peeled back a layer of you, like he’s seen something you didn’t want anyone to see.
“are you mad at me?” wonbin calls after you, his voice lighter now, like he’s trying to smooth over the awkwardness.
you don’t answer. you can’t. your emotions are too raw, too exposed. instead, you busy yourself with packing up your things, hoping that by avoiding his gaze, you can somehow hold it all together.
but wonbin isn’t one to let things go. you feel his presence behind you before he speaks again, his voice softer this time, more serious. 
“are you really upset with me?” he asks, and there’s a hint of genuine concern in his tone as he taps your shoulder.
you turn around reluctantly, meeting his eyes. there’s no trace of the teasing smirk now, just a look of quiet apology. he’s standing so close, and the air between you feels charged, like there’s something unspoken hanging in the space.
you sigh, because the truth is, you could never be mad at him. not really. whether he teased you, invaded your personal space, or had a knack for breaking hearts, yours included, it’s impossible to stay angry at him. not when his mere presence has the power to undo you completely.
“i admire your writing, you know,” he says softly, not breaking eye contact. “you always have the best lyrics. i really was just curious about how you come up with things. sorry if i took it too far.”
his apology is sincere, and for a moment, you see the side of him that pulls you in every time—the side that notices, that cares in his own way, even if it’s not in the way you want him to. his hand comes up, fingers lightly brushing the top of your head, a gesture that’s both comforting and familiar, and it sends a warmth through you that you can’t quite describe.
“it’s fine,” you mumble, looking down at your feet, your fingers still gripping the strap of your bag. “it’s no big deal.”
but it is a big deal. because no matter how much he cares, no matter how much he notices, it’s never enough. he’ll never see you the way you see him. he’ll never feel the way you feel.
wonbin smiles then, a small, lopsided grin that makes your heart ache. “good. i hate it when you’re mad at me.”
you manage a weak smile in return, but it doesn’t quite reach your eyes. the tension between you lingers, thick and heavy, but there’s nothing more to say. not now, not here.
the rest of the band starts filtering in, and the room fills with the sound of tuning instruments, conversations overlapping as the practice session begins. you try to push the encounter out of your mind, to focus on the music, but it’s hard when wonbin is so close, his presence a constant reminder of everything you can’t have.
as the rehearsal starts, you pick up your guitar, your fingers moving instinctively over the strings. the notes flow easily, but today there’s something more—something raw, something fierce. it’s like all the emotions you’ve been holding back are suddenly finding their way into the music, spilling out in every chord, every melody.
the lyrics you wrote earlier echo in your mind, and when it’s your turn to sing, you let them pour out of you. the words carry all the weight of your unspoken feelings—the longing, the heartache, the love you can’t express. it feels like your soul is on display, laid bare in the music, but at least here, in the safety of the band, no one truly knows what you’re singing about. no one knows that every word is for him.
wonbin’s voice joins yours in harmony, his guitar blending seamlessly with yours, and for a moment, it feels like you’re connected in a way that transcends everything else. 
the music is the only place where you can be close to him, where you can express everything you feel without fear of rejection or misunderstanding. and yet, it’s bittersweet, because even here, even in the one place where your feelings are safe, he’ll never truly understand.
the rehearsal continues, but as the hours pass, your emotions only grow more intense. every time wonbin teases you, every time he flashes that smile, it feels like another crack in the fragile armor you’ve built around your heart. and yet, the music becomes more powerful because of it. the more you hurt, the more you pour into the songs, into the lyrics, into every note you play.
by the time practice wraps up, you’re emotionally spent. your body feels heavy with exhaustion, but your mind is still buzzing, still racing with everything left unsaid. wonbin gives you a playful nudge as you pack up your things, his smile easy, carefree, like the day’s events have already slipped from his mind. but for you, they linger. they always do.
“you okay?” he asks, and there’s a softness to his voice that makes you pause.
“yeah,” you lie, forcing a smile.
 “just tired.”
he nods, not pressing further, but his eyes linger on you for a moment longer, as if he’s searching for something beneath the surface. but whatever it is, he doesn’t find it. or maybe he just doesn’t care enough to look.
“see you tomorrow, rockstar,” he says with a wink before heading out, leaving you standing there, notebook clutched tightly in your hands.
and as you watch him walk away, you can’t help but feel that same familiar ache, the one that never seems to go away. because no matter how much you pour into your music, no matter how many songs you write, no matter how hard you try to move on, the truth remains the same.
you’re in love with someone who will never love you back.
and the music—your music—is the only place where that love can live.
. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .
the day of the performance arrives like a storm building on the horizon, an electric anticipation humming in the air around you. the venue is already packed, people milling about, chattering, laughing, the smell of beer and sweat mixing with the faint scent of perfume and leather jackets. the stage looms ahead, dimly lit for now, but you can already feel the weight of the spotlight on your skin, the pulse of the audience vibrating beneath your feet. your heart beats in rhythm with the buzz, the nervous energy thrumming in your chest.
you and the band stand backstage, adjusting your instruments, fine-tuning guitars, stretching fingers. there’s a quiet before the storm, a moment where everything is still, but you know it’s just the calm before the chaos. 
wonbin stands a few feet away, his back turned to you as he checks the tuning of his guitar. the sight of him is enough to make your stomach twist—his dark hair falls freely over his forehead, strands slipping into his eyes, and there’s a quiet confidence in the way he holds himself, like he was made for this moment. you’ve always admired that about him. his ease, his ability to command attention without even trying.
“you ready?” yunjin’s voice cuts through your thoughts, and you turn to find her smiling, the excitement in her eyes mirroring your own.
“as ready as i’ll ever be,” you say, trying to sound confident, but there’s an edge to your voice, a tremor of something else—something deeper. 
because tonight feels different. heavier. there’s something lodged in your chest, something that’s been building since last night’s encounter with wonbin, and you’re not sure how much longer you can keep it contained.
“don’t worry, we’ll kill it,” yunjin says with a grin, throwing her arm around your shoulders. her confidence is contagious, but it doesn’t quite reach the core of your anxiety. because no matter how well the performance goes, there’s a weight hanging between you and wonbin, something unspoken that you can’t seem to shake.
the moment comes, and you all take the stage. the lights flicker on, illuminating the faces of the audience as they cheer, their energy palpable. you grip your guitar tightly, feeling the familiar warmth of the instrument against your body. it’s a comfort, a lifeline. music has always been the only place where you feel like you belong, where you can channel the torrent of emotions inside you. and tonight, you need it more than ever.
the first chords ring out, the music taking over, and the world around you falls away. everything fades except for the sound of the instruments, the pounding rhythm of the drums, the pulse of the bass. you lose yourself in the music, pouring all of your unspoken feelings into every note, every strum of your guitar. it’s a release, a way to express everything you’ve been holding back. and for a while, it works. the music becomes your escape, your way of drowning out the noise in your heart.
but then there’s wonbin. he’s always there, lingering in the corner of your vision, impossible to ignore. he plays with an intensity that’s magnetic, the way his fingers move over the strings like it’s second nature, the guitar becoming an extension of him. a thin layer of sweat glistens on his forehead, catching the light, and his hair falls messily into his eyes. there’s something almost untamed about him in these moments, like the music sets him free, strips him of all the layers and pretenses he wears so effortlessly offstage.
and then, just like that, he looks at you.
time slows, the world around you fading into the background as the spotlight seems to shine brighter on him, illuminating every detail. his gaze locks with yours, and it’s like the music takes on a different meaning. his lips curl into that grin, the one that makes your heart stutter in your chest, and for a moment, you forget where you are. it’s just the two of you, suspended in that electric moment, the crowd, the lights, the noise all falling away.
you pour everything into the strings beneath your fingers, strumming with a desperation you can’t quite control. every chord is a prayer, a plea for this moment to last just a little longer, for this connection, however fleeting, to mean something more. your chest tightens with the intensity of it, and you pray that he doesn’t see the way your hands tremble, the way your heart races. but he’s looking at you, really looking, and it feels like he can see straight through the facade you’ve so carefully constructed.
you lose yourself in the music, strumming harder, fingers moving faster as if you can escape the weight of his gaze. but it doesn’t work. he’s still there, still watching, still grinning like he knows exactly what’s going on inside you. and maybe he does. maybe he’s always known.
the song ends, the final chord ringing out into the air, and the crowd erupts into cheers, but you barely hear it. your chest heaves with the effort, your fingers aching from the intensity, but your mind is still stuck on that moment, that look. you glance over at wonbin, and he’s already turned away, his focus shifted, like it was nothing. like it always is.
the rest of the set passes in a blur of sound and lights, but your mind is elsewhere. your emotions are too raw, too exposed. every note feels like a confession, every lyric like a piece of your heart being laid bare. and when the performance finally ends, you feel like you’ve run a marathon, emotionally spent and physically exhausted.
but the night isn’t over yet.
you’re barely offstage before the others are already making plans to go out, to celebrate the successful performance. there’s a wild energy in the air, everyone high on the adrenaline of the show, arms thrown around shoulders, laughter spilling out into the night as you make your way to the club. you don’t have the energy to protest, not when hongjoong drags you along, insisting you come out and celebrate. you plaster on a smile, trying to hide the exhaustion, the emotional turmoil still swirling inside you.
the club is dark and loud, the music thumping through the speakers, vibrating through the floor. the smell of alcohol and sweat is thick in the air, mingling with the scent of cheap perfume and cigarette smoke. the others scatter, disappearing into the crowd, already lost in the haze of celebration.
you find yourself at the bar, drink in hand, trying to numb the ache in your chest. you don’t know why you’re here, don’t know why you agreed to this when all you want to do is disappear, to escape the weight of your own feelings. but then you see him.
wonbin.
he’s surrounded by girls, as usual, laughing and flirting effortlessly, his hand resting casually on some girl’s waist. the sight of it makes your stomach twist, the familiar ache of jealousy settling in. you watch from a distance, the alcohol dulling the sharpness of your emotions but not enough to stop the pang of hurt that hits you every time he flashes that grin, every time he leans in too close to one of them.
it’s always like this. always. he’s there, right in front of you, but somehow always just out of reach. no matter how much you want him, no matter how much you try to bury your feelings, it’s like he’s always pulling you in, only to slip through your fingers again. and tonight, after everything, after the performance, after the way he looked at you—tonight it’s too much.
you down another drink, the burn of alcohol sliding down your throat, but it’s not enough to drown out the frustration, the heartache. the room spins slightly, the edges of your vision blurring, but there’s a strange clarity in your mind—a single thought that pushes its way to the forefront.
you can’t do this anymore. you can’t keep pretending, can’t keep holding back. you want him. and tonight, you’re done hiding it.
before you know it, your feet are moving, carrying you through the crowd, weaving between bodies until you find yourself standing in front of him. he’s alone now, the girls having wandered off somewhere else, and he looks at you with mild surprise, his usual easy smile slipping onto his lips.
“hey,” he says, his voice loud enough to cut through the music. “you okay?”
you don’t answer, your mind a blur of alcohol and desire, your body moving on its own as you take a step closer, your gaze locked on his. the distance between you disappears, and you reach up, your fingers brushing against his chest as you stand on your tiptoes, your heart racing, your mind screaming at you to stop, but your body doesn’t listen.
you kiss him.
for a moment, everything freezes. time seems to stop, the world around you fading into nothing as your lips press against his. he’s still at first, his body tense, frozen in place as if he’s processing what just happened. you can feel the confusion in the way he hesitates, the way his breath catches in his throat, but you don’t care. not anymore.
and then, slowly, he kisses you back.
his hand comes up to your waist, fingers curling around your side, pulling you closer. his lips move against yours with practiced ease, and it’s everything you imagined and more. there’s a heat to it, a spark, like a wildfire igniting between the two of you, and for a moment, you lose yourself in it. his scent overwhelms your senses, the familiar mix of sweat and cologne, and you’re drowning in it, in him and your mind goes blank, your body melting into his.
as the kiss ends, the silence between you is thick, like the air before a storm, heavy with unspoken words and lingering emotions. wonbin’s gaze locks onto yours, intense and searching, as if he’s trying to decipher the whirlwind of feelings swirling between you. for a moment, the world outside seems to blur, the neon lights and pounding music fading into the background, leaving only the two of you in sharp focus. the heat of the kiss lingers, not just on your lips, but in the space between you, like a promise that neither of you fully understands yet.
you try to gather your thoughts, to make sense of the chaos inside you, but the alcohol has stripped away your defenses, leaving you raw and exposed. your heart pounds in your chest, each beat echoing the deep bass of the club’s music, but all of it feels distant, irrelevant compared to the electric connection that still crackles between you and wonbin. the room spins slightly, the haze of the night adding a surreal edge to everything, but there’s a clarity in this moment that cuts through it all, a truth you can no longer ignore.
without waiting for doubt to creep in, you lean in again, driven by instinct rather than logic. the second kiss is not just an act, but a collision of need and longing, a desperate attempt to bridge the gap between what you feel and what you fear. wonbin meets you with equal intensity, his hands finding your hips, anchoring you to him as if afraid you might slip away. the world tilts, the music and the crowd fading into a distant hum, until all that remains is the two of you, lost in each other.
his lips are warm, insistent, a source of comfort and urgency all at once. his breath mingles with yours, a shared warmth that blurs the lines between where you end and he begins. the grip of his hands is firm, but there’s a tenderness there too, a carefulness that belies the intensity of the moment. it’s as if he’s trying to hold on to something fragile, something that could shatter with the wrong move.
the kiss deepens, and with it, the connection between you grows, becoming more urgent, more undeniable. you can feel his heart racing against your chest, the rhythm of it syncing with your own, a shared pulse that echoes the emotions neither of you has dared to speak aloud. the heat between you is overwhelming, like standing too close to a fire, but instead of pulling away, you find yourself leaning into it, craving the warmth, the intensity, the clarity it brings.
when wonbin finally pulls back, just enough to catch his breath, his eyes are darker, filled with a mix of emotions that make your own heart ache. there’s desire there, yes, but also something softer, something that makes you feel both vulnerable and cherished. it’s a look that asks a question without words, a silent plea for understanding, for reassurance.
"are you sure about this?" he asks, his voice low, almost a whisper, carrying a weight of concern and eagerness. it’s a question loaded with meaning, with the potential for everything to change, and you can see the vulnerability in his gaze, the way he’s letting you see a part of him that he usually keeps hidden.
you swallow, the words catching in your throat, but you manage to nod, your voice trembling slightly as you say, "yes, i’m sure." it’s the truth, the only truth that matters right now, because despite everything—the chaos, the fear, the uncertainty—being here with him feels right in a way that nothing else has.
without another word, he takes your hand, his touch grounding you, steadying you as he guides you through the throng of people. the club’s lights blur into a kaleidoscope of colors, the pounding music a distant echo as you make your way outside. the cool night air hits your skin, a refreshing contrast to the heat that still lingers between you, clearing your head just enough to remind you that this is real, that this moment is yours.
you stumble slightly, the effects of the alcohol and the adrenaline making your steps unsteady, but wonbin is there, his arm wrapping around your waist, pulling you close. his presence is a steady force amidst the chaos, a reminder that you’re not alone in this, that whatever happens next, you’ll face it together.
"come on," he murmurs, his breath warm against your ear, the sound of it sending a shiver down your spine. "let’s get out of here." there’s a promise in his words, not of anything specific, but of something more, something that goes beyond the night, beyond the fleeting intensity of the moment.
you nod, allowing him to lead you down the street, your steps unsure but your heart racing with a sense of anticipation that feels almost electric. the city night is alive around you, the air buzzing with energy, with possibilities that make your pulse quicken. the streetlights cast long shadows on the pavement, the cool breeze carrying the scent of the night—an intoxicating mix of urban grit and something sweeter, more elusive, like the promise of something just out of reach.
as you walk, wonbin’s hand in yours is a constant, a tether that keeps you grounded as your thoughts swirl. there’s a peace in the quiet of the night, a stillness that contrasts sharply with the chaos of the club, allowing you to focus on what truly matters—the connection between you, the unspoken understanding that has always been there, simmering beneath the surface.
when you reach a quiet corner, the world seems to slow, the moment stretching out as if to give you both the time to breathe, to think, to feel. wonbin turns to you, his gaze sweeping over your face, and there’s a tenderness there that makes your heart ache in the best way possible. his eyes search yours, looking for any sign of doubt, of hesitation, but finding none.
"are you okay?" he asks, his voice gentle but laced with an urgency that matches the unspoken question in his eyes. he reaches out, his fingers brushing against your cheek, the touch so tender it nearly undoes you.
"yeah," you whisper, your voice barely audible, but filled with all the emotion you can’t quite express. "i’m okay."
he smiles then, a slow, almost hesitant smile that warms you from the inside out. "good," he says softly, his hands finding their way to your shoulders, grounding you with their warmth. "because i’ve wanted this—wanted you—for a long time."
the confession hangs between you, heavy with meaning, with the weight of all the moments that led to this one. you don’t need to respond with words; the look in your eyes says it all. before you can overthink it, he leans in again, his lips finding yours in a kiss that feels both urgent and tender, a reaffirmation of everything you’ve both been holding back.
in that moment, the world narrows to just the two of you, the connection deepening with each shared breath, each touch, each whispered promise. 
and as the night stretches on, drunken stumbles back to your hotel room, the hastened shedding of clothing, you lose yourself in that electric feeling, of the raw desire and wanting.
‘condom?’ wonbin asks, hovering over you, his necklace dangling conveniently over your eyes, hair loose and wild, falling over his eyes. you almost forgot to respond to him, captivated in how effortlessly he draws your gaze.
it’s not until you feel him tap your chin, his eyes peering into your soul, do you remember that he had asked you a question.
‘i’m on the pill. don’t need one.’
you’re sure that your sentences could have been more intelligible, but the desire coursing through your body, searing your insides and bubbling at your core had cut any chance of that happening.
‘like music to my ears.’
his head dips down to your neck, his lips soft against your burning skin, teasing you with light kisses as you squirmed underneath him.
‘wonbin,’ you pleaded, your thighs clenching as you look up at him, begging him to do what you had dreaming about for months.
‘patience, angel. good things come to those that wait.’
he continues his agonisingly slow teasing, the smirk on his lips practically plastered on his face, enjoying the increase of your neediness.
he took note of the way your breath hitched when his fingers dipped underneath your underwear, or when they traced small circles on your nioples.
he delighted in the way you bucked into his palm when his fingers finally entered you, a long whine leaving your lips as you throw your head back.
‘so needy. you’ve been thinking about this, haven’t you?”
the feeling of his skilfully long fingers stretching you so well, hitting all of the right spots, renders you speechless, and your mouth hangs open, words unable to escape.
‘of course you have, look at how wet you are.’
it’s sinful, the noises that reverberate around the thin hotel room walls, your eyes practically reaching your skull as your fingers curl around his wrist, simultaneously pushing him away and pulling him closer.
‘you’re about to cum, aren’t you baby? you want to cum so badly, want me to make you cum?’ your thoughts are clouded, wonbin’s voice nothing but white noise as you desperately chase that feeling in your lower stomach, nodding repeatedly.
after a couple more strokes you come undone, thighs shaking as they close around his fingers, your head thrown all the way back as you miss the way he licks his lips, only growing harder.
‘think you can give me another one angel?’
as you lose yourselves in the quiet intimacy of the moment, you can’t help but cling to the hope that this night is just the beginning of something more, something lasting. for now, though, the simple joy of being here, in this moment with him, is enough, your sweaty bodies clinging to each other in a hazy swirl of lust.
. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ . ⋆ * .♡ *:・゚. ݁ ˖ ࣪ .
waking up feels like surfacing from deep water—your head pounds with every pulse of your heart, each thud sending waves of pain crashing through your skull. the sunlight that spills through the curtains is too bright, stabbing into your eyes like needles, and you groan, burying your face in the pillow in a futile attempt to escape it. your throat is dry, parched as if you’ve swallowed sandpaper, and the taste of stale alcohol lingers on your tongue, sour and bitter.
but despite the hangover, despite the discomfort, there’s a warmth that blooms in your chest when you remember last night. a soft smile tugs at your lips, and you let out a small, contented sigh, the memory of wonbin’s touch, his kiss, his whispered words still fresh in your mind. it feels like a dream, like something too good to be true, but the way your heart skips a beat when you think of him reassures you that it was real, that you took the leap you’ve been too scared to take for so long.
and for a moment, you let yourself believe that it meant something, that maybe, just maybe, wonbin feels the same way you do.
with that thought in mind, you force yourself to sit up, the room spinning slightly as you swing your legs over the side of the bed. you press your fingers to your temples, trying to ease the pounding in your head, but it’s no use. the hangover is a stubborn beast, and it’s not going to let you off easy today. but you push through it, fueled by the remnants of last night’s euphoria, and after a few minutes of sitting there, breathing deeply, you manage to stand.
the first thing you do is check your phone, hoping for a message from wonbin, some acknowledgment of what happened between you. but there’s nothing—just a few unread messages from the group chat. your heart sinks a little, but you tell yourself it’s fine, that he’s probably just as hungover as you are and hasn’t gotten around to messaging anyone yet. still, a small seed of doubt plants itself in your mind, and you shake your head, trying to dislodge it before it can take root.
you glance at the group chat, eyes skimming over the messages. yunjin’s suggesting everyone meet for food in the hotel conference room, and your stomach grumbles in response, reminding you that you haven’t eaten since yesterday. the idea of food is both appealing and nauseating at the same time, but you know you need something in your system to soak up the lingering alcohol. besides, you’ll get to see wonbin, and maybe… maybe you can talk, clear up whatever uncertainties are creeping in.
so you pull yourself together, forcing yourself through the motions of getting dressed, splashing water on your face, and downing a glass of water in hopes of quelling the dehydration. each movement feels heavy, your limbs weighed down by the combination of hangover and nerves, but you push through, determined to keep the fragile hope from last night alive.
by the time you reach the conference room, the smell of food is already wafting through the air—greasy, comforting, the kind of food that’s perfect for soaking up a night of too much drinking. you take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself as you push open the door, your eyes immediately scanning the room for wonbin.
and there he is.
but he’s not alone.
the sight of him with the waitress hits you like a punch to the gut, the breath knocked out of your lungs as you freeze in the doorway. she’s draped on his arm, her body pressed close to his, her lips dangerously close to his ear as she whispers something you can’t hear. but it’s the way he smiles down at her, the way he laughs softly at whatever she’s saying, that twists the knife deeper into your chest.
time seems to slow, each second stretching out into an eternity as you stand there, rooted to the spot, unable to move, unable to breathe. the warmth that had filled you just moments ago is gone, replaced by a cold, hollow ache that spreads through your chest like ice. the hope you’d clung to shatters, the pieces falling around you like broken glass, and you can do nothing but watch as wonbin slips further and further away from you, even as he stands just a few feet away.
he notices you then, his eyes flicking up to meet yours, and for a moment, you think you see something—guilt, maybe, or regret—but it’s gone too quickly, replaced by that same easy smile, the one that never quite reaches his eyes. he disentangles himself from the waitress, murmuring something to her that makes her giggle before she walks away, her hips swaying as she disappears into the crowd.
you want to run, to turn around and leave before he can say anything, before he can break your heart all over again, but your legs refuse to move. you’re trapped, caught in the web of your own feelings, and all you can do is watch as he walks toward you, his expression carefully neutral.
"hey," he says softly, his voice barely audible over the buzz of conversation in the room. "can we talk?"
you nod, unable to find your voice, and he gestures for you to follow him out into the hallway. the walls seem to close in around you as you walk, each step heavier than the last, and by the time you’re standing alone with him, your heart feels like it’s going to burst out of your chest.
"about last night…" he starts, running a hand through his hair, and you can see the hesitation in his eyes, the way he’s struggling to find the right words. "i just… i don’t want you to get the wrong idea."
the wrong idea. the words hit you like a slap, and you flinch, the sharp sting of rejection cutting through you like a knife. you can feel your hands trembling, so you clench them into fists at your sides, trying to steady yourself, trying to keep from falling apart right in front of him.
"what do you mean?" you manage to ask, your voice barely above a whisper. you already know what he’s going to say, but you need to hear it, need to hear the words that will crush whatever hope is left inside you.
he sighs, his shoulders slumping slightly as he looks away, unable to meet your gaze. "last night was… it was fun, and i’m glad it happened, but…" he trails off, and you can see the moment he decides to just rip off the band-aid, the moment he stops trying to soften the blow.
 "but it was just a one-time thing, you know? we both had pent up frustration that needed to be released. ii don’t want you to think it was anything more than that."
a one-time thing. the words echo in your mind, each repetition like a hammer driving nails into your heart. you knew it was coming, knew that this was always a possibility, but knowing doesn’t make it any easier. it doesn’t stop the pain, doesn’t stop the feeling of your heart being torn in two.
but you can’t let him see that. you can’t let him see how much it hurts, how deeply his words cut you. so you force yourself to smile, a small, brittle thing that feels like it’s going to crack and shatter at any moment.
"of course," you say, your voice trembling just the slightest bit, but you hope he doesn’t notice. "i didn’t think it was anything more than that." you scoff, trying to play it off as a joke, even though it feels like you’re choking on the words.
 "we were just having fun, right?"
he looks relieved, and it makes you want to scream.
 "yeah, exactly," he says, his smile returning, more genuine this time. "i’m glad you understand. i didn’t want things to get weird between us."
too late, you think, but you bite your tongue, nodding instead. 
"no worries," you say, trying to sound as casual as he does, trying to pretend that your heart isn’t breaking all over again. "we’re good."
but you’re not good. you’re anything but good. you feel like you’re falling apart, like you’re crumbling from the inside out, but you keep it together, holding yourself together with sheer force of will. because what else can you do? you can’t let him see how much he’s hurt you, how much you wanted more, how much you still want more, even now.
he gives you one last smile, a quick pat on the shoulder that feels more like a dismissal than anything else, and then he’s gone, walking back into the conference room without a second glance.
you stand there for a long time after he leaves, your mind spinning, your heart aching. the hallway feels too quiet, too empty, the silence pressing in on you from all sides, and for a moment, you think you might cry, right there in the middle of the hallway. but you don’t. you take a deep breath, blinking back the tears, and tell yourself to hold it together, to not let him have this power over you.
but it’s hard. it’s so hard. because no matter how much you tell yourself that it was just one night, that it didn’t mean anything, you can’t make yourself believe it. you can’t stop the memories from playing over and over in your mind, the way he looked at you, the way he touched you, the way he kissed you like you were the only person in the world.
but it was all an illusion. a fleeting moment of connection that meant nothing to him, while it meant everything to you. and now you’re left with nothing but the hollow ache of what could have been, the bitter taste of
 rejection that lingers long after he’s gone.
you take a few more breaths, each one shakier than the last, trying to steady the whirlwind inside you. your chest feels like it's collapsing in on itself, a black hole of emotion that pulls everything into its crushing gravity. you know you have to go back into that conference room, to plaster on a smile and pretend that everything is fine, that you aren’t shattering into pieces that will never quite fit together again.
 but the mere thought of seeing wonbin with that waitress—her lips close to his ear, his laughter a blade twisting deeper into your heart—is more than you can bear. it’s a dagger of reality, cold and sharp, cutting through the fragile threads of hope you had woven around yourself.
so you turn away, your feet heavy with the weight of defeat, and walk out of the conference room, leaving behind the clamor of voices and the sound of your own heart breaking. the laughter and conversation fade into a distant hum, as if the world is slipping away from you, leaving you in a void of silence and despair. 
the door to your hotel room closes with a soft click that echoes like a final nail in the coffin of your hopes, sealing you inside with the full force of your emotions.
the silence in the room is oppressive, pressing down on you from all sides. it’s as if the very air has thickened, suffocating you under the weight of your own grief. you collapse onto the bed, your body folding in on itself as if trying to disappear, to escape the relentless ache in your chest. 
you bury your face in the pillow, the fabric quickly growing damp as the tears spill out, hot and bitter, a flood you can’t control. the dam has broken, and the torrent of sorrow rushes out, drowning you in the waves of everything you’ve lost, everything you’ll never have.
you cry for the dreams that have slipped through your fingers like sand, for the love that you poured into him that was never returned, for the hollow realization that you will never be enough for him—never the one he chooses, never the one who makes his heart race the way he makes yours.
 the sobs tear through you, each one a violent convulsion that seems to rip you apart, leaving you gasping for air that never quite reaches your lungs. it feels like you’re drowning, dragged under by the weight of your own despair, struggling to stay afloat in a sea of unspoken words and shattered dreams.
when the tears finally subside, leaving you drained and hollow, you lie there in the suffocating quiet, staring up at the ceiling as the harsh truth settles over you like a shroud. 
wonbin doesn’t want you. 
not in the way you want him. 
the thought is a blade to your heart, each repetition cutting deeper, the wound bleeding out all the love you’ve been holding onto, until there’s nothing left but the numbness of reality. 
you can try to tell yourself that it’s okay, that you’ll move on, that you’ll find a way to let go. but the truth is, you know you won’t. you can’t. because you’re tethered to him by something more than just affection—something that binds you to him with an unbreakable chain, even as it drags you deeper into the abyss of hopeless love.
you’re caught in a cycle of longing and despair, a cruel loop that you can’t escape, no matter how much you want to. you yearn for a man who will never be yours, who refuses to be held down, who looks at you with eyes that see a friend, a companion, but never the love you desperately wish to be. it hurts with an intensity that leaves you breathless, a pain that eclipses all others, and yet you don’t know how to stop it. how to let go of the fantasy that keeps you tethered to him, even though it’s killing you little by little.
so you lie there, letting the pain wash over you, feeling it seep into your bones, until it becomes a part of you, something you carry with you always. because what else can you do? you can’t stop loving him, no matter how much it tears you apart, no matter how much you wish you could simply walk away from the wreckage of your heart. you’re left with nothing but the aching emptiness of unrequited love, a hollow void that echoes with the ghost of what could have been, of what will never be.
and that’s the cruelest part of it all—the knowledge that no matter how deeply it cuts, no matter how desperately you try to stitch the wound shut, you’re trapped in an unending loop, a carousel of heartache that spins endlessly, leaving you dizzy and disoriented.
 it’s like being caught in a storm, where the rain never stops and the clouds never part, and all you can do is shiver in the cold, longing for a sun that never rises. you’re tethered to him by invisible threads, frayed and worn, yet unbreakable. and the harder you pull, the tighter they bind, until you’re suffocating under the weight of a love that feels more like a curse than a gift. it’s this realization, the bitter taste of it on your tongue, that finally breaks you, sending you spiraling into the kind of tears that shake your very soul.
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