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ellana-ravenwood · 5 years ago

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“I wish I knew how to help you” - Batsis x Batfamily

Synopsis : Everyone has tough times at some point in their lives. Bruce Wayne most definitely knows that. But when his own daughter is going through a really rough patch, he finds himself not really knowing how to fix things...

This particular subject has been requested so many times (the earliest request dating from August 2018....mmmm..), so watch me butcher it with bad writing. I thought, given how I feel lately, it was the perfect time to finally write it. I hope you will like it (runs away to hide) :

TW : Anxiety, depression, mention of suicide.

My Masterlist : @ella-ravenwood-archives.

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There hasn’t been a lot of time in his life where Bruce Wayne felt so completely lost. Of course, he would be lying if he was saying he never got confused, or if sometimes, he wasn’t quite sure what to do, what to say...

But if there was one thing he was great at, it was problem solving.

Even in desperate situations, he could always trust his analytical and collected mind to help him out.

In fact, Bruce Wayne could count on the fingers of one hand the amount of times he felt utterly lost, defenseless, and couldn't figure out a solution to his troubles. Not even a questionable one, like bottling up all of his feelings and pretending he doesn’t care while he’s screaming and dying inside.

He recollected exactly five times of such an event occurring in his life :

The day his parents died.

The day he realized he couldn’t save everyone.

The day Dick came to live at the Manor, and Bruce realized he had no idea how to raise a child.

The day Jason died.

The day he saw Damian kill.

And now, spilling onto another hand :

...The day he realized he had no idea how to help his daughter, you, with her mental health struggles.

Each time he had been completely lost, there was someone to help him.

For his parents’ death, it was Alfred.

For the day he realized even as Batman he would never be able to save everyone ? It was Commissioner Gordon, and his years of being a cop in a city like Gotham.

Dick himself, and Alfred of course, quickly helped Bruce to understand what it meant to be a father.

Tim’s arrival helped him grieve Jason.

And all his children, from Dick to Cass, and the experience he acquired trying to raise them helped him manage Damian’s problems. It was a plus for sure, that the boy wanted to be helped.

But with you...Any attempt of his trying to breach the subject would result in you brushing his concerns off, getting frustrated, or sighing “I’m fine” and leaving to isolate yourself in your room.

Sometimes, it felt like you really wanted to talk to him. Like you wanted to vent, and tell him what was wrong. But you always seemed to decide against it, maybe in fear of bothering him ?

Most of the time, it felt like you were living with your anxiety in peace. Like you greeted it like a good friend. Bruce had always known you were a rather stressed individual, but you always held yourself up so well ?

Most of the time, it felt like you were perfectly fine. How could he have known ? How could he have known you weren’t ? Ah...but maybe the signs were all there all along...

And Bruce just didn’t know how to help, when even you, didn’t seem to want the help...But maybe that was the trick ? To keep trying no matter what ?

At first, it didn’t seem to him like this would be an issue that could render him absolutely lost like this. And he hated the fact that he thought that.

Because it stemmed from one pervasive thought that made him despise himself : “Her fight with her own mind aren’t as bad as Damian’s, Cass’s, or Jason’s trauma. Aren’t like what Dick went through. It will be easier to fix.” And maybe you felt that, maybe that’s why you wouldn’t let him help ?

Why would it be easier anyway ?

Because you had a calmer childhood. Of course, being Batman’s daughter meant you definitely went through things most children will never experience. But compared to your siblings, you had a somewhat normal childhood.

The biggest trauma of it being the fact your mother, Selina Kyle (author’s note : I’m not particularly talking biological child here by the way, just to make sure y’all can all identify to this. Thought I’d mention it), decided to leave you in your dad’s care and had a very little part in your upbringing up until you turned 12 or so, which is the time she came back. You never seemed to even be mad about this. It always felt like you knew your mom had her own battles to win, that she wasn’t quite ready to have a child, and you forgave her as soon as she came back into your life.

But maybe that was the problem ? The fact Bruce always thought you were strong enough to handle things ? You always seemed to hold your own. You’d always been fiercely independent. Like you never needed help.

When Dick had fits of anger, you’d just stay quiet and withhold it.

When Jason was sometimes overzealous, you’d just stay calm and collected.

When Tim had massive freak outs at times because he felt he wasn’t enough, you’d just reassure him and stay grounded.

When Cass would have nightmare at night and be so scared she couldn’t find her voice again, you’d stay up with her and make sure to soothe her back to sleep, even if it meant not sleeping yourself.

When Damian would realize how much he missed out in life, in his childhood, and how little he knew about the real world...You’d be there, holding his hand while explaining in details why he felt the way he felt.

Even Duke, who arguably was the “sanest” of them all, had times where things were too much for him, and you’d magically appear by his side to help him through it.

You always seemed to be the one everyone relied on.

The one that has it all figured out, that has it together. The one most like Bruce, able to control her emotions. But the one even better than him, because you could also help others understand how they felt.

And that was why Bruce never really noticed your every day struggles.

Come to think of it, the fact you were always so on point and great in your explanations as to why someone felt the way they did, probably meant you felt like them before...

Oh god. God, Bruce hated this. Hated himself, even.

Hated the fact that he thought your fights with your own mind weren’t as bad as what Damian or Dick went through, as bad as Cass or Jason’s traumas. As bad as Duke witnessing what happened to his parents, because you...Well you still had both of them. And they were on good terms, now.

He hated the fact that it took you almost dying for him to realize you had a real problem too. For him to realize your apparent “I can handle my own” attitude was all a fragile facade that could break any time.

He hated the fact that he had to witness you almost letting yourself die, to realize this...The scene kept replaying in his mind.

A night out as vigilantes. Part of a building collapsing. You pushing a woman out of its way, but then just staring up at the crumbling wall that would crush you, not moving. And the state of daze you were in, when you found yourself in your father’s arms as he saved you in extremis from a certain death that you were clearly letting happen.

You later said it was a mistake. It was a simple mistake.

But Bruce, from that point and on, knew better. There had been a time, not long after his parents’ death, where he wondered what even was the point in living anymore. Where he found himself in a similar situation too, where he could save himself and yet stayed in front of the death threat. Alfred saved him at the time, gave him a good scolding which Bruce didn’t even register.

He recognize that look in your eyes.

Because he had the same one, many years ago, before he had a chance at having a family again. Before you, Dick, Jason, Cass, Tim, Damian...It was a look that meant : “What if I just let it happen, what if I end the pain by ending it all ?”.

And Bruce hated the fact that it took him witnessing this look in your eyes for him to finally realize you needed help. It tore his heart apart.

He hated the fact it took him so long to finally act upon it, to finally do something for you. No matter how lost he was as to where to even begin.

And so here he was, on a calm night in Gotham, sitting on a roof and researching on the internet what can be done to help people riddled with anxiety and such. He knew you enough to know you’d never accept to go see a therapist. But maybe...maybe he could help just as good ?

He knew how he got rid of his own anxiety.

The same way he got rid of many other things...He submitted himself to a strict training allowing him to control all of his emotions, shutting some away when needed.

But he couldn’t even imagine making you go through the things he made himself do. Not his daughter. Not any of his children.

There was a reason, the training he gave all of you wasn’t even 10% of what he used to do. Because he had nothing to live for except becoming strong enough to bring back justice to Gotham. Because he had nothing to look forward to except the fact that he was going to make sure no kid in that god forsaken city would go through what he went through ever again...

He gave himself the ability to turn into a machine. To shun all feelings away. Because he had a mission.

He would never, ever want any of his children to feel like this. Even if he managed to, in appearance, make himself feel nothing...It would always cause him tremendous pain. He knew how this felt, to force yourself to control everything.

No. His method was most definitely not fit for his daughter. He did not want her to become like him. And so, scrolling through forums, websites and blogs, he tried to find the best way he could to help his kiddo. It seems like there was almost like a “list” of things every person suffering from anxiety went through every day...

Wondering if your loved ones are upset with you.

“Are you mad at me ?”

Is the text you send to your oldest brother, Dick, immediately regretting it.

Because now, you were sure he’d find you annoying, pushy or anything of the like. Of course, Dick would never. But your mind was telling you he would.

He hadn’t responded to your text in a day, while he would usually be very reactive, and you didn’t need more to think he hated you, now.

Knowing there is no reason for you to feel that way.

Knowing for Dick to be “mad” at his little siblings, it would take a lot (you weren’t even sure you’ve ever seem him mad at any of you, except maybe the times you put yourselves in danger while he’s your team leader, but then it’s more a problem of being mad at himself than really at you.

Yet you cannot control it. You cannot. You are sure now, that he hates you.

Your father doesn’t understand why you’re so morose that day, and why you snap at everyone. He doesn’t understand, and you don’t tell him. And Bruce just ends up thinking you’re in a bad mood and leave you alone, while you desperately want to talk.

You want to tell him that you think Dick hates you. You want to hear him reassure you, even if technically, there is no need for reassurance. Of course your brother doesn’t hate you, he’s probably just busy, he just started his new job in Bludhaven, and moved in a new apartment and...Yes.

Rationally, of course you knew your brother, who has always been there and never shied away from saying he cared about you and love you, doesn’t hate you.

Yet you cannot help but think you did something wrong. You cannot help but think maybe he does. And you want to tell your dad, and have him reassure you, even if you don’t need to.

But instead, you snap at him. Instead, you push him away. Because you couldn’t handle your dad too thinking your annoying. Of course, he would think you’re annoying, a nuisance, if you told him you think Dick hates you...because obviously he doesn’t.

It was a vicious circle. So instead of possibly-but-probably-not-but-still-maybe be hurt, you pushed the one person you wanted close away, snapping at him and isolating yourself in your room.

TING ! Your phone, it’s ringing ! Oh please god, please be Dick !

It is your brother. He answered !

“Of course not ! Why would you think that ?”

You analyze every single word, and how he didn’t use an emoji, while he always does ! And the way he said “why would you think that ?”...he’s for sure mad at you now, and he thinks you’re the most obnoxious little sister that ever walked this Earth.

But you answer :

“Oh no reason lol. Hey wanna binge watch Gilmore Girls with me this week end ? Only you understand how a true masterpiece this show is.”

He doesn’t reply that day, and you think about it the entire night. He doesn’t come at the patrol of course, as again, he just settled in Bludhaven. And it starts. The spiraling of overwhelming feelings, the impossibility to let go of something.

You cannot think of anything else but sending another text to ask if he’s really not mad at you. You decide against it, because you don’t want him to think you’re annoying. Because you understand he has his own life now. Now that he moved from the Manor.

You understand he must be busy. That he has to settle in. That he doesn’t have to be available whenever you want, and that the fact he had always been up until now proved he was the best big brother anyone could ask for.

But you can’t help it. You think it must be you. That he’s not answering because it’s you.

And all of a sudden, you question every relationship you have. What if none of your siblings love you, and are just polite ? What if they’re lying because you’re really the only sibling out of all of you they don’t like and they’re just too nice to...Oh god. Your dad must hate you too.

Because you keep needing him to reassure you about stuffs. Ah yes, today you shunned him away, but sometimes, you guilt trip him so he says he cares about you. Or so he tells you nice things.

And suddenly, one of your biggest fear, the one where you ask for too much out of the people you love is back. And you cry. You cry all night. Because you have too many mood swings. You isolate yourself too much. But you don’t know, you don’t know how to make them see your fear of not being cared for...

And so you cry. Wondering over and over again “why am I like this ????” as you think all of your loved one are upset with you, and will never want to talk to you again.

Later in the day, Dick answers that he would love to watch GG with you, and there’s an emoji this time. Ah. So maybe he doesn’t hate you...

So many people wouldn’t even think this was a big deal, but for you...for you, it was...

Every small decision feels like it has life or death consequences.

You want to tell them. You want to tell them that’s why you couldn't choose what you wanted at the drive through fast enough. Why you stumbled on your words, and ended up blurting out : “Whatever Jason took !” because your taste in food was the closest to his.

You want to tell them, that even such a small issue, in your head, took a huge place. That you rehearsed what you were going to say when it would be your turn to speak to the waiter. That you got all tangled up, and didn’t ask what you actually wanted.

You want to tell them that sometimes, even the smallest “yes or no” question haunts you for days. That “what ifs” won’t let you alone.

You want to tell them, but instead you take the meal you didn’t really want, and eat it in silence, listening to everyone talking and enjoying this family moment. You stay quiet, your mind focus on how clumsy, dumb and useless you are.

Just because you couldn’t order something at the drive through.

You stay quiet, but your mind is racing about how much you suck. How you should get out of everyone’s way. Because you can’t even order food properly.

You feel guilty, because this is one rare family moment when you’re all together, and your siblings all have fun teasing each others, laughing and talking, while you just nod sometimes, smile, and die inside.

Just because you couldn’t order something at the drive through.

You think you’re absolutely insane. That you should be checked in in Arkham. You-

Bruce notices you’re quieter than usual. He notices you didn’t take your favorite burger. He wonders why, because he knows you really REALLY like that burger. Sometimes, he goes out of his way to go get you guys’ favorite food, and he knows that this burger is one of yours...

But he doesn’t dwell on it. Maybe you just wanted to change for once (which wasn’t much like you but oh well). And the fact you’re quiet ? Maybe you’re just lost in your own thoughts and day dreaming. After all, you do like to have some quiet and alone time, and this family dinner is happening on this time.

So Bruce doesn’t say anything, even if his guts tell him something is wrong.

Overthinking. Fearing something could go wrong.

You are in constant fear of what's going to happen if and when something happens to your dad ! Or your siblings ! What if you become homeless for some reasons ? What if you have no friends or family to return to ? What if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if what if...

Intrusive thoughts, they call them. And they don’t want to leave for sure. They’re persistant. They stay up until you overthink them to the point nothing makes sense anymore. To the dissociation.

And it makes your every day life a living nightmare.

Bruce, as he reads this part of an article on the internet, about how people suffering from anxiety are in a constant state of worry, feels his heart tighten at the mere idea you are going through this.

He knows you are. And he hates the fact it took him so long to realize because...

Not being able to control what's happening now or in the future.

Bruce could recollect so many times where, even as a child, you’d ask him questions like : “What happens after you die ?”, “What will happen to me when I get old ?” etc etc.

At the time, of course, he dismissed it as questions every kid asks. Wondering about the world around them. He never saw how much those questions would haunt you, how much sometimes, you couldn’t let go of things you perfectly knew you had no control over...

The signs were all there though.

You weren’t lost in day dreams, you were lost in nightmarish scenarios about what could possibly happen in the near future.

You were, every minute of every day, worrying about something that was currently happening, something that happened recently, or something that might happen in the next few moment, later the same day or in the future.

It was something you had to live with, and it never been just a child curiosity. As you grow up you stopped asking those questions out loud, didn’t mean they weren’t haunting you...

Making a mistake that will result in someone judging you.

You always had to be irreproachable.

You were a perfectionist.

A lot of time, people passed it as : “like father, like daughter.”

And Bruce should’ve known better...Why was he like this ? This part of him certainly didn’t stem from anything good. Yet he ignored the fact you acted exactly like him. The fact you were turning into him, on that front...

My brain is a TV and someone else has the remote.

... ... ... ...

************

Bruce had enough. He knew. He knew how you felt, and why you acted the way you did sometimes. And it was time. It was time to finally take action.

But he couldn’t do it alone. And he wouldn’t. In fact, they’d all be so mad, if he executed this plan on his own...

Because you. You were their precious sister.

They loved you, so much. And it would kill them, if they knew you really meant it, when you asked if they were mad at you. If they hated you. If they...

They always think you’re joking, or that you’re tired or something. That you have “mood swings”.

You don’t.

For you, all those issues are very real. But they don’t understand, because you’re always there to catch them, and they never expected you needed to be caught.

So when their father expose to them what he thinks is going on with them, and when they realize he’s right...

They feel crushed.

How ? How could they not notice their beloved sister was suffering so much ?

And so that day, they all swear that they are going to do everything in their power to help you. No matter what.

They will never give up on you.

No matter what..

************

“Why am I like this ? Why am I like this ? Why am I like this ?” You repeat to yourself, over and over again, as you feel your heart beat like crazy while it has no reason to.

While your chest hurt, and you feel the weight of anxiety on your shoulder, without even knowing why.

You keep telling yourself you suck, you keep being too harsh on yourself, and oh, oh if you only knew that your entire family right now, was plotting to help you feel better.

Unfortunately...

************

Dick’s antics soothe you for a bit, but as soon as he’s gone your heart goes wild again, refusing to stop, and your mind repeats bad thoughts to you.

The next day, Dick planned the PERFECT sister/brother day. Planning things to spend time with you, just like when you were little and it was just you and him.

It’s a perfect day indeed. Everything makes you forget your anxiety. You smile, for the first time in months since this weird extreme anxious state started.

Dick always knew how to make you laugh, and how to tease you just enough so that you wanted to show him what you were made of !

But once you’re home...

And Dick can try, try and try again, but no matter his effort, he can only relieve your pain when he’s around, and unfortunately, he isn’t always around.

************

Jason is patient, with you.

He listens, he empathizes and does not patronizes.

He’s there when you need him. He celebrates every small victory from you (like finally being able to order the burger you want). He encourages you, gives you all the hope he can. And it means a lot, coming from him.

Because Jason suffered a lot. He went through a lot. His death, and his traumatic return...

He tries to keep you hopeful. He is patient. Available. But he does things too well. You’re afraid he spends too much time with you, and forgets his own mental health. You know he loves to meditate, but haven’t seen him do it in ages.

Because he’s also keeping an eye on you. Your father probably told him the crumbling building debacle...And now he makes sure you’re ok.

But to the detriment of his own mental well being ?

You feel like you’re weighting him down. And slowly, he notices you’re avoiding him. And he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to push you, or force you to do anything...

************

It has always been easy, to talk to Tim.

Your brother is the only one in the family that did not become a Robin for personal reasons. Sure, he was struck with tragedy later in life (or he would never be your brother now...), but at the core of it...He was just a kid who wanted to help.

He was a fan of Batman, who really REALLY wanted to make himself useful. He became Robin, not because of any personal motivation but because he was just that selfless.

And so, it has always been easy to talk to Tim.

Which is why he’s surprised, when he realizes you’ve never told him about your anxiety. About your depressed thoughts. You vent a lot to him, but about small things. About things you can both laugh about.

It has always been easy to talk to Tim, and the fact you cannot address your anxiety problems tells him all the extent of it.

Tells him you’re truly suffering, and that he needs to get better.

To become an even better listener, for you. And as you witness him, just like Jason, sort of forgetting about his own well being, you cannot help but feel even worst...

They mean well. They mean so well. But you cannot stand them putting their own health on the line just for you. After all, you’re just a loser who doesn’t deserve any of those wonderful brothers and sister...

************

Duke tries to help you “temper your thoughts”.

His mom used to do that to him, as a child. He was always rather active, suffering from ADHD and such. In a lot of ways, his trouble resembled the ones you had with anxiety.

And he thought that maybe, helping you tempering your thoughts would be the best.

What does that even mean ? Well. Whenever he felt like you were anxious about something, scared or stressed, he would ask you if you were alright up until you’d finally tell him what was making you anxious.

And then he’d ask you the series of question his mom asked : “What’s the worst that can happen ? What’s the best that can happen ? What’s most realistic, or likely ?”...At first you didn’t really understand the point.

But soon enough, you got it. This was helping you turning your intrusive thoughts against themselves. Helping you see the good sides of things.

Unfortunately, just like with Dick’s technique of making you laugh and such, when Duke wasn’t around to remind you to consider the best, worst and most likely option...you forgot that trick.

************

"Let’s go to a quieter place, or go for a walk.”

Cassandra tells you, whenever she sees you get overwhelmed by something. And it works. It does.

You two just walk in silence, hand in hand.

Your sister’s presence reassuring, and warm. Her care for you sipping out of her very being, from her hand to yours.

“Let’s go to a quieter place, or for a walk.”

You go outside, and you don’t speak. She’s just here for you.

But she can’t always be around, can she ? She can’t always just magically appear next to you in moments of need, and say :

“Let’s go to a quieter place, or for a walk.”

But when she can. She does.

She knows when you get overwhelmed by sounds, by smells, by anything. And she brings you to places that makes you feel at peace.

Cassandra was never one to speak a lot, but she always understood.

************

Damian can’t help but feel sad that he, and the rest of the family, aren’t enough for you to feel better. That they can’t win against your depression and anxiety, no matter how hard they try.

And Damian. Oh Damian tries.

He makes sure you have everything you need. He makes sure to be there when it feels like you’re not feeling well, he follows you like a shadow and...

You both get more and more frustrated.

Damian puts a lot of effort into making you feel better, and you keep snapping at him, or pushing him away.

It’s because YOU’RE the big sister. YOU’RE the one who’s supposed to take care of him. But it seems like lately, Damian is obsessed with your well being, and he doesn’t even let you tuck him in anymore...He’s the one that comes tuck you in.

And deep down, you feel like it’s exactly what you need. You want to let your baby brother take care of you. And his worries are so sweet, and makes you feel all warm inside by how adorable this kid can be. How far he came back from.

Deep down.

But you’re not ready to admit you need help. Especially not from your 11 years old brother. No. He’s the one that needs the cuddles and the reassuring words. He’s the one that had it way tougher than you. And him taking care of you, although it feels nice, doesn’t feel right.

And it hurts, to see your little brother get sad because he can’t help you like he wants to. Because he thinks he’s not enough for you, and that’s why you’re feeling the way you are...

************

Nothing goes how they think it was going to go.

You do not get better right away. It doesn’t even feel like you’re getting better at all. On the contrary.

It feels like you push them away even more, that you become even more irritable, that...that...that you go further and further away from them.

And they don’t understand.

Even you, don’t understand.

Why do you feel so bad ? So Sad ? So anxious all the time ?

You don’t know. You don’t know. You don’t know.

“Why am I like this ? Why am I like this ? Why am I like this ?!”

You repeat this to yourself every day, without being able to find an answer.

And Bruce...Oh, your father came to the conclusion that the last and only option is that you need to go to therapy, you need professional help.

************

“What ? Why ? I’m fine dad !”

You say, anger pointing in your voice, as he tells you that.

“No you’re not, (Y/N). We can all see it. And there’s so much we can do we...I...”

There’s a silence. A heavy one. And it breaks Bruce’s heart, to see tears welling up at the corner of your eyes :

“It’s fine. I get it. I’m too much, aren’t I ? That’s why right ? I ruin you guys’ life ? You know, I noticed a shift not long ago. I know you’re trying to make me feel better, and I know you all get frustrated because you can’t. I swear I try dad. I swear I try to not get those bad thoughts. To not think you don’t love me, for whatever reason. To not think like I’m a burden. I swear I try to not be anxious. I try to not worry, about every little thing. I try so hard ok ?! But it doesn’t work ! And I know it’s wearing all of you down. I know it. But...I’m...It’ll be fine ! IT’LL BE FINE !!”

You scream those last few words, and a silence installs itself between you and your father.

Bruce just looks at you, and you cannot stand the pained look in his eyes. You never wanted your burden to transfer on your family like that...why ? Why did you get worst and made them notice you weren’t ok ? Why ?

Maybe it would’ve been better, if your dad didn’t see you about to get crush by this building, and hadn’t saved you. They’d have a-

“I won’t stop trying.”

Your father’s voice cuts your terrible thought, and you look up at him. He walked slowly to you, carefully, as if afraid to scare you. As if afraid you’re gonna “tt” him, and run to lock yourself in your room.

But for some reason, you don’t move. And you let him come close.

He brushes a few fingers on your cheek, as he used to when you were a child and unable to sleep. Him softly humming to you and brushing your cheeks slowly always made you fall right asleep...

“Until you feel better. And I will tell you over and over again that I love you and that I am here for you, if it’s what you need. I am your dad. I am here for you.”

And he understands your pain oh too well. It’s not because he managed to be able to shut his own mental health problems out, that he never feels them.

You are your father’s daughter. Unfortunately in that case.

Oh. Oh he wishes he could take on your pain. He could take on his shoulders your entire burden. He wishes it was only him, that felt that way. That you would never, ever feel anxiety, or depression again.

He knows it is not that easy. He understands.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Something breaks inside you. Something that was on the verge of shattering for years, but snapped only now.

“I just...I just wish I could help you. I just wish I knew how. I am trying too, (Y/N). And I won’t give up on you. No matter what you think. I will never give up on you.”

Those words. Those were so simple. Yet what you needed to hear for so long.

Because no matter your siblings’ effort, or Alfred’s, or your dad’s. Your friends at the Young Justice. Anyone you ever cared for...You always were afraid that one day, you’d be too much for them.

That one day, all your mood swings, pushing them away, venting and complaining often...would be too much. And that they’d leave you.

Alone forever.

“I’m not giving up on you.”

Coming from your dad. You knew he said the truth. You knew.

There’s a short silence. You look at your father, and even Queen Anxiety couldn’t make you think he wasn’t being genuine.

“You...That’s...I...”

Getting chocked up, you weren’t able to say anything, but he understood.

And he was there to catch you. You went right into his arms, and he held you tight, trying to convey to you all the unconditional love he has and will always have for you, no matter what.

No matter how much you push him away, how broken you get, how much you hate yourself and think you don’t deserve any kind of love...he’d always, ALWAYS love you. And would never give up.

“I’m here. I’m here. I will always be here.”

His voice was soothing. It has always been soothing. And he was there.

He was there.

“Thank you...”

You manage to whimper out, as he holds you against his heart.

And, finding it hard to reign his own emotions in (his children have always been the only ones who could cross all his walls and find the vulnerable Bruce who feels everything), Bruce repeated as much as you needed to hear that he was here.

He would always be here for you.

Always..

And the path to your recovery was now open.

__________________________________________________

Here we are. I am sorry if this is sort of...bluargh. Or not what you wanted. But I do hope you liked it. Haha I feel like this story is so ridiculous...I guess this feeling is in the theme eh..........Maybe it’s also because as usual, I wrote very late into the night, and sleep deprivation always make me feel like I do stupid things. Write terrible stuffs.

Reblogs and feedbacks are always welcomed ?

Haha. Convincing.

See you soon with another story, much lighter than this one for sure haha...

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fuckingdeadbutroyal · 4 years ago

Text

Jasonette July- Soulmate AU- Part 4

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

!Season 3 spoilers coming right ahead!

A tiny sigh escaped Maris lips as she felt her body filling up with energy. “He ate. I think I’ll be fine in a few”, she told her partner, who was currently swimming next to her. She hadn’t dared to detransform for a day now, knowing that doing so would mean her finally collapsing. The duo hasn’t been wasting time, though. Theyvwere trying to come up with a new plan. Ladybug told him all about her being the new Guardian of the Miraculous, about Chat Blanc and Bunnix. Pointed out how if Bunnix hasn’t turned up yet, that meant that they could handle the situation. Explained why she wouldn’t dare share her identity with him, even though she wanted to, because of how she couldn’t afford to risk him turning into Chat Blanc again. Ladybug told him about her soulmate. Now he finally understood how she had such incredible stamina and... had a hard time agreeing to the two of them staying as nothing more than friends.

Adrien did not disregard their friendship as something unimportant. Knowing that he was Ladybugs best friend and feeling that she was just as well his... best friend, his partner, the person he could rely on the most. It was amazing, unique and so very very important to him.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t hurt, though. He loved her and she liked him, they both knew that. It just was never enough. Not for Adrien.Now was not the time to grieve his broken heart, though. He was used to suppressing his emotions due to Hawkmoths terror. He could keep it together for a little longer.

Now that all their cards were laid out on the table, they were ready to come up with a plan.

“Look. I can’t cast my cure while the akuma is still out there. Creation doesn’t work with destruction working actively against it.”, Ladybug told Chat who, though currently detransformed as Adrien, winced. The word “Destruction” has already intergrated itself as a trigger, setting off a bad reaction in the teenagers mind. Plagg did not like that in the slightest. “Kid, you’ve gotta get it together. Yes I am the god of D-Trigger, but I’m also the God of Chaos and let me tell ya, I can’t sense a hint of chaos on that dusty dirtbag out there.” Adrien smirked, a drained, sarcastical smile forming on his lips. “Are you trying to tell me I have another power you’ve just forgotten to mention?”

The heroes knew they still weren’t off age and therefore didn’t have access to their full potential. That didn’t stop hope from lighting up in the backs of the duos hearts. They already couldn’t use the other Miraculous power, since all of the previous Miraculous holders were eliminated on day three, due to Hawkmoth already knowing their identities (thanks to what he had done on heroes day two years ago) and him finding the civilian heroes’ hiding places before Ladybug and Chat Noir could even locate their presence in Paris. Searching for new holders was clearly not a good idea. They couldn’t risk throwing someone inexperienced and terrified into a battle they didn’t know how to win yet.

But if Chat could use a new power?

That would be the element of surprise they needed! Adriens 18th Birthday was just around the corner, there's a chance it could work!

"Nah, he's not in the right condition to try, too young and way too exhausted"

Bye bye little flame of hope.

"But if you were to get some ACTUAL sleep and eat some fucking food? You would totally make it."

"Wait what?", Marinettes eyes were the size of asteroids. They had a chance! She just had to get him to one of those bunkers so he could get some sleep and then..."Then we'll have to go without it. I'm not leaving you alone milady."

Oh, yeah, there was that tiny detail she had forgotten. The two of them were too protective of each other to leave their partner to their own devices and Ladybug entering any building was not an option.The girl let out a frustrated huff, "Cha-" "I understand what you mean, Ladybug.”, Adriens voice was solid and left no room for argument. Batman would have been proud. “But this is not up to debate. I'm not leaving you alone, not while you are in this state nor during any of our battles. It has never ended well in the past and it sure as hell won't end well now."

Plagg' and Maris' annoyed sighs were absolutly identical, which would've made Adrien laugh, if it weren't for their current situation. He knew he was right, though, and he knew she did as well.

Mentally, Marinette was feeling better. Less on edge, more focused. It was surprising to all of them. Of course she still was incredibly tired, even more fatigued than yesterday, which was understandable since she has not slept for about a week now and spent most of her time swinging around Paris, thinking her head off and crying her eyes out while trying to save as many civilians as possible. Nontheless, even though her body was about to shut down, her brain was working at a thousand miles per hour. She knew it was thanks to her soulmate, who was currently fueling the both of them by ingesting loads of energizing substances and getting closer.

Marinette was now certain her soulmate was a man. He was in Paris, in danger and aware of her dependance on him.

Who could he be? How did he get here? Why now? Why hasn’t he ever tried to find her before?

She didn’t judge him, of couse. Did not expect him to put everything aside just to find her. Who if not Ladybug could understand what it meant to have duties holding you back, chaining you to the ones who claim to love you? (While they only do so because they need her, Marinette believed. Paris didn’t actually love her, no-one cared about her wellbeing unless it was important for their safety. No-one would jump into fire for Ladybug if they wouldn't trust her to sacrifice her sanity to resurrect them. No-one has ever jumped to rescue Marinette in her civilian identity, after all.)

Marinette was spiralling. Memories and repressed emotions suddenly jumping to the surface, reminding her of all the ways she had offered her very self to help anyone in need and receiving nothing in return. She had people who were nice to her, she had friends and family and people who loved her for who she was. Sadly, Mari only just now realised that love wasn't enough. It has never been enough. She would spend many nights awake, working on gifts and projects and helping her friends out or even just simply entertaining them over the phone. What for? Why?!

"Marinette is a saint", her parents would say, "She can do anything." Mari knew that wasn't true. She wasn't almighty. She couldn't even say "No".

That’s where the spiral came to an end. All those thoughts were standing at a cliffs edge, staring down into the abyss right beneath their feet. A tiny step forward, a minimal lean in and she would fall. Where would she go? What would she encounter? Was it okay to do this? Was it okay to change?

For once, Mari felt sure of herself. In a place she would've never thought she'd be, swimming under a god damn Ladybug themed boat in the middle of the Saine. Her mind was clear, certain. She opened her eyes and her mind jumped.

"Well fuck no I can't always do everything.", Mari heard Ladybugs voice, only partly recognizing it as her own.

The black cat duo next to her winced, having been discussing the topic of whether or not Adrien could leave Ladybug alone for a few hours. Not at all have they been expecting the sudden change in the star of their argument.

"Bug...?"

She looked at him, face straight but full of rage. Eyes sharp but full of thought. She didn't need to look around to figure out how to use her lucky charm, instead she had a horrible, unstable and unfinished plan she was absolutely going to follow.

"I have an idea."

------------------

Hawkmoth was nervous. The akuma was stronger than he had expected and definitely much harder to control. He hasn't yet decided whether or not it was a good idea to akumatize a homeless man, especially considering his educational history in architecture and geography.

It was like the Akuma was thinking, not just feeling like all his previous ones did. It could either mean victory or the literal end of the world. Gabriel was hoping for the first option, of course.

Another reason for his nervous state of mind, were the unexpected members of the justice league, who for whatever reason just now decided to enter the battlefield. He hasn't been expecting them anymore, once the first year of his reign had passed without a droplet of attention from Gotham and the rest of the world. If they've never cared before, why now? Did they suddenly have more free time or did they only just realise they were literal vigilantes and could therefore ignore any and all international borders?

Or was Hawkmoth finally on the right track, finally about to win so they sent the last of their forces to come and save his enemies? A grin split his masked face in a horrifying grimace. His secret weapon was still leashed, still waiting for his order. Agreste Senior had the upper hand, this was his time to shine, his time to win.

Finally.

----------

Much clearer air seeped into Jason's lungs. He even went as far as removing his mask, just so he could properly breathe in something that wasn't poisoned with a literal mist of dust and the stench of death. His heart, no, their hearts were beating faster. Jason stood right by the river. He felt the cold water numbing her legs and reaching for her throat. He felt her dizzy fatigue and her clenching stomach. He knew her thoughts were just as clear as his. It felt as though their minds were finally complete, as if their brains could finally grasp the whole situation. Their body's were so close, they could finally function the way they were meant to. Together, helping one another.

"Red Robin. I found her. The boats are meant for shelter, the akuma can't come out in the open and it’s afraid of water. The heroes must be somewhere underneath those fat kanus."

"Copy."

"I'm going in."

"Hood wai-"

Jason was already underwater, hearing but not listening to Tim's voice.

Red Hood was about to find his Red Lady and no one could stop him.

-------------

Marinette had just finished explaining her plan to Adrien, who was now transformed and ready to move, when she felt it. "He's here.", was all she could muster. Chat didn't have to think twice to guess what she had meant and subconsciously started to brace himself. He couldn't help but think that now really wasn't the time for her soulmate to interrupt. They were at war, which meant that her uninvited lover was putting himself and Ladybug at risk. Risking her safety meant risking Paris safety which meant that over all, Adrien felt like they were being royaly fucked by the Kwami of Timing.

The Duo felt the water underneath their feet moving. (The rivers flow has been stopped right at the beginning of the akuma battle. It was a safety precaution the mayor has ordered after a particularly unpleasant spread of akuma poison. Now, whenever the Akuma-alert went of, the city shut down, sealed shut and closed up. Not a single soul could enter and not a single twig could leave.

The heroes had formerly agreed to that being a great idea, now that they were short on everything, though... let's say they have learned that isolation wasn't always the best solution to their problems.)

Ladybug felt him before she heard him, a weird sense of Deja-vu overcoming her.

He came up behind her. Her spine felt like it was buzzing with electricity.

"Pixie?"

Jason didn't know why he called her that, but it sure as hell felt right.

Another shiver went down their spines. Marinettes reaction caused by her soulmates voice, while Jason's body just seemed to mimic hers even more intensely now.

She turned around.

Their eyes met.

Their scars felt like they've lit up in flames.

Two sleeping bodies were sinking towards the floor of the river Saine.

--------------------------------------

Hey ho, friendioh

I am so tired, my eyes are so done, je suis juste come Jasonette in my story.

You comments though? I LOVE YOU. Thank each and every one of you lovely message-leavers, my heart is now full of love and excitement and it’s your fault!

I can’t stress this enough, your feedback is shooing my depressay far far away.

Now back to the content. I am not finished yet, there’s more coming and the end is still uncertain, even to me. I have my plotline and my scenes, but this story has kind of started writing itself (which in my opinion is what makes writing so great). So I guess we’re all looking into a future just as uncertain as Dukes vision :)

My taglist has grown! Message me if you are interested in joining that cute group you are about to read the names of, I’ll be happy to add you ^^

Tag List \o/

@maribat-is-lifeblood @lokilex @amayakans @readingismyoxygen

Thanks for reading ^^

#jasonette #jasonette july #jasonette soulmate au #jason todd #jason todd x marinette dupain-cheng #maribat #maribat fanfic #marinette dupain-cheng #ml ladybug #ladybug #platonic ladynoir #platonic ladrien #ml angst #ml salt #hawkmoth is a psychopath

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cartoonfangirl1218 · 4 years ago

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Riverdale should have been a Disney show

Riverdale should have been a Disney show. There I said it. I'll admit the first season was fine Great even. Self-contained with an intriguing mystery and you waited at the edge of your seat for what will happen next. But then... Part of the problem for me is because I've read the original comics since I was a girl. I still do get some from my mom, and the way they have changed the characters just bug me.Betty used to be the girl next door, always hopeful, smart, trying to figure out the mystery. And it was perfect that she was a reporter because Betty was always someone who valued honesty so her being the roving reporter was perfect. And her taking pills for anxiety or some sort of disorder was also a nice take because she does take on so much, and tries so hard to help and be good and nice and perfect. All the stress. Archie was also great in the first season. A bit horny, but he means well, and he truly is an average American boy so his big trouble of choosing between music and football. He's a klutz and sometimes his plans go sideways but he means well, he's all for family and Riverdale and school spirit. None of this whole Red Hood/semi mafia/wrestling nonsense. I actually really liked their take on Veronica, she still a bit materialistic and thinks she can depend on her wealth to get her out of trouble but I do like their take on trying to be enterneauripal and working to act less high class society girl as she was used to.

Jughead, I'm conflicted with. Because he's good I guess as a brooding, investigative journalist he's good. It fits the setting of the show. But I do have a soft spot for him as the sane man to Archie. Going about his business, surprisingly philosophical. And you can't forget the most important attribute to him. His love of food! I miss that. Like the one scene in season 1, I forget what exactly but basically he ordered burgers and when Cole Sprouse just protectively held the burger to him...such a nice touch. That sort of guy I can see as a DCOM. The genius ditz I guess it's called. But he's not dumb. He just prefers napping to being awake.

Now the others...omg.I have a bone to pick when it comes to the other characters in Riverdale. Josie and the Pussycats-- they are such lively musicians who solve crimes, sometimes in space. ABsolutely wasted here. Melody barely had any lines. And they didn't have Alex or Alexandra Cabot which was such a shame. I know, I know they're in the new Katy Keene show but having them be step-siblings who used to date is wrong and weird and bad and no! Stop having the twins in these shows with vaguly incesteous feelings. It's weird!

Kevin Keller, all his storylines revolve around his bfs or lack of bfs or how much he wants a bf. The Kevin of Archie comics was so much more well-rounded. He was head of ROTC, he was class president, he ran marathons, he was Veronica's bff, he was a reporter. He had an appetite to match Jughead's. He even had a brief crush on Jughead! He was so much better than this sham. He was confident in who he was and did his best to help others feel good about themselves too because he knows not everyone is lucky to come out as LGTBQ in a supportive environment.

Reggie. I think not giving him enough of an arc in season 1 really backfired because if he appears, it's only as Veronica's arm candy. Which is a shame because he is a good contrast to Archie. A bit richer yet a cheapskate. Thinks he's a casanova, loves being the class prankster. A modern day politician with his sweet words when all he cares about himself. Basically like

Yet he has his hidden depths with his neglectful workaholic parents and jealousy of Archie's popularity. Cheryl. Omg Cheryl. They have ruined you here. I'm sorry, I do NOT find any of her lines iconic. It's like she swallowed urban dictionary and a gothic novel and came out all jumbled in a google translate. She may be abused but the way she still treats others like shit and gaslights her gf and makes everything about her is just...ugh!!! OMg, comics Cheryl is actually fun and iconic. She's as rich and pretty as Veronica and unafraid to use it. She wants to be a star like a modern day influencer. She's a red-haired Sharpay Evans basically.

Also Jason, her twin whom they sadly killed off. He was also fun like a meaner, snobbier version of Reggie. But with a huge crush on Betty which I think could have been used to milk such drama.

Polly also got hit badly. She was a good older sister. She was a reporter, and inspired Betty's enviormental-feminist activities. A sane person. Not a cult worshipping cuckoo. Toni Topaz, ah she was so good in season 2 and then they made her Cheryl's arm candy. Alas. I liked her as a friend to Jughead. In the comics, she was his equal in food contests. That's no small feat. She was cool, and joined Betty's band and... she was her own person. Remember when Toni used to be a photographer for the South Side paper. Yeah. Basically Toni as a 3d character with personality. Please return.

Dilton. Oh Dilton. Once the smartest person in the Archie universe and they turned you into a survival freak to get killed by the gargoyle king. Or whomever. I just remember he got killed somehow. Honestly, they should have stuck to smart Dilton. They need a smart scientist there, cuz no one is using their brains in Riverdale.

Chuck. They have done you SUCH A DISSERVICE! So so bad. Chuck was a good person! He was a cartoonist, and a basketball player and Archie's friend. (Yeah, that's right Archie has friends in the comics. Even though Riverdale makes some effort to show Archie and Jug's bond, they're mainly consorting with their gfs. In the comics, they had guy nights. Reggie, Chuck, Kevin, Dilton, Moose. Come on show. Friendships are just as important.) And what did they do, make him a lying scumbag, turn him good and then have him arrested because of what Cheryl did! No, no no. Bad writers. Just no. Ethel Muggs. You have also been wronged in season 3. Making her a crazy freak. Ethel in season 1 was nice. Ethel in the comics is nice. Plain but with a good heart even though she had a slightly obsessive crush on Jughead. Here, making her cult worshipper.... smdh. Okay at this point I know I sound like a bitter, bitter person complaining how it'S nOt liKE tHe cOmICs. But hey, I admit season 1 was good even if they changed the characters a bit. It’s just that I watched Riverdale because of the property it derived from. Because of the comics. At the least I expected some faithfulness to the characters. Not make them all so inconsistent and crazy.

It's just the writing is so inconsistent! The plots hop around and so do their moods. Bughead and Choni broke up for one episode and then they got right back together. Even though they had VALID reasons to break up. Nope. That made fans mad. So they had to get back together. Ugh. And Archie got attacked by a bear and was so traumatized that he broke up with Veronica because "he's changed" for like two episodes before forgetting about it and going back to Veronica. Oh which brings me to the ridiculous "love triangle" of Archie/Reggie/Veronica where she couldn't choose. Please, Archie and Veronica were reuniting and planning to go run away for a weekend together. Reggie was completely forgotten until he walked in on them. And Veronica couldn't decide because she loves them both? No, she didn't. She may have felt bad to tell Reggie but it's not because she loved him. Forgetting a guy so quickly...yeah great proof of love. Horniness maybe. But her indecisiveness makes her look bad. Don’t tease a will they, won’t they when the answer is so obvious. If you're going to do something like that, you should have there be something called CONSEQUENCES! They can get back together but at least wait. Wait 8 episodes at least so they can have character development. But who am I kidding. Character development is not the goal of this show. The character's just move because the writer's want them too not because it fits their personalities. Such as Archie's grieved reaction for baby Teeth in season 3.

Not only do I have no idea when (the ridiculously named) Baby Teeth appeared, much less why Archie or I should care about his death. But sometimes the show juggles too much. Too many characters. Too many plots. It's all so ugh!!! So my final thought on this is... Riverdale should have been a disney channel sitcom. Archie comics are about family friendly entertainment and sometimes imparted lessons... well so does Disney. I get the appeal of having Riverdale reach a new teen generation, but from what I can see the only big thing Riverdale on CW is that it allows alcohol and gartituous sex scenes.

Which is another small gripe of mine. I can handle sex scenes (hello Magic Mike XXL) but so many at such inappropriate moments too It's like that scene in an action movie where they suddenly kiss when they should be running for their lives. No teen is that horny all the time. Plus there's always less is more. If one kisses so much it loses the meaning. If you think your shirtless Archie is going to distract me from lack of plot haha. No. Plot and consistency still sucks and shirtless Archie does not make it better.

But Riverdale as a Disney show can work. After all the comic stories are a bit formulaic. It's all high school hijinks. And all the characters fit an archetype. Archie, the protagonist. Veronica, the fashionista. Betty, the reporter. Jughead, the slacker. Reggie, the class clown/bad friend. Cheryl, the Sharpay, Kevin, the sane one. And if people want a season long story arc with dramatics, Disney can actually handle it too. After all they had the mysterious "threat' lurking in the background of My babysitter's a vampire season 2. Or the Juliet and Mason saga of Wizards of Waverly Place. And if people want adult situations, look on to Jessie. Rewatching an episode now, there were so many adult jokes and references that flew over my head so they could sneak those in. Heck, Disney channel is infamous for all the innuendos they manage. And they handle consistency. Cody and Bailey broke up in Suite life on deck, they actually stayed broken up for a good half season. Gabe matured from a prankster tween to teen in love in Good Luck Charlie. Actions have consequences, characters grow. Storytelling 101

And the best part is they don't even have to think too hard for the plots of the week. They literally can build on stories from the comics. All 80 years of it. And I have put some examples right here from my own Archie comics. Like Veronica literally being the fashion police.

Veronica and Cheryl teaming up + rolling around in their money.

Cheryl changing the Cherry Blossom Festival to the Cheryl Blossom Festival

Archie doing his classic Valentine's Day mix up

Veronica and Betty buy Cheryl’s maid service when her father forces her to get a job.

Jughead and Trula (Jughead's nemesis & psychoanalyst in training) get amnesia and become friends.

A boy dares to change Veronica

Jughead falls in love with the lunch-lady

Betty and Veronica pretending to be distressed damsels to get Archie's attention (it backfires)

Toni and Jughead foil each other in a food eating contest.

Betty's cast causes more pain to other students

Reggie dates Cheryl (for real)

Reggie helps Kevin dress for the dance and his mystery date

Riverdale Shore.

Cabot vs Lodge

I think all this pretty much illustrates my point. Archie comics equals Disney sitcom all by itself.

#Anti Riverdale #my opinions #random musings #salty rant #archie comics

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kittyanonymity · 5 years ago

Audio

Hi yes, I KNOW this isn’t one of my OTHER projects, but this song gives me major Damian and Adrien vibes. I like to think Adrien and Damian could bond over shitty parents, Damian about his mom, and Adrien about his dad. Managed to get this typed up between breaks on ALiG; chapter 6 is making steady progress finally lol This would be a Daminette/Jondrien fic, with Damian and Adrien Bros.

It won’t let me post the whole song on tumblr for some reason?? So here’s a proper link.

More below the cut about the particular AU this spawned, as well as the lyrics.

(also this whole album/band kicks ass, I highly recommend)

((ALSO ALSO this is actually a Brucelie -BruceXEmilie-fic too))

tw for casual weed smoking mention I guess? and abuse themes definitely

I am your son, you are my mother I'm on my own, you're not my lover Don't tell me how to live

I am your son, you are my father You led us like lambs on our way to the slaughter Who do you think you are?

One, two, three I know you lied to me I can see Now that I'm free

It's me and the black roses X6

I am your son, she's not my mother You think she's perfect, to me, just another Do you think it's okay?

But I am your son, for worse or for better Despite the fact that you a homewrecker I guess that's who you are

One, two, three I know you lied to me I can see Now that I'm free

It's me and the black roses X18

SO the idea here is this.

Obviously the parts in the beginning about the mother are from Damian’s point of view, and about the oppression he dealt with while in her care. Talia for those who aren’t as into DC is just, WOW levels of awful. She’s controlling, and very much trying to map out all of Damian’s life; and when Damian’s young, he’s fine with this. It’s kind of a classic case of ‘mother knows best’, but at its absolute worst. This starts to change once Damian goes to stay with his father in canon of course. Age Range for Damian: 10 to 12 or so?

The next three lines of lyrics are more from Adrien’s/Chat’s perspective; the ‘lambs led to slaughter’ are Adrien and the rest of the Miraculous team, and it really is about how angry Adrien is at his father for what’s he’s done to his family, and his friends. I imagine in the background during this part Adrien realizing his father is Hawkmoth during the final altercation; Gabriel will try to Akumatize him, and before Ladybug can step in, Chat cataclysms the butterfly, and just starts. BEATING THE HELL OUT OF HIS FATHER. They’re like 18 at this point, and his transformation wears off as he goes to take the Miraculous, and once it does, Gabriel kicks him off. The fight gets ugly, but Ladybug had managed to before this fight, fix the peafowl miraculous. And when she heals Emilie while Chat’s fighting, the woman wakes up in time to see her son go flying. She beats his ass with the assistance of Ladybug. It’s gonna get sappy after that. Ages for this Adrien/Mari: 18; they’ll leave paris 4 years later, to Gotham.

Following that, the next four lines I generally see being from both boys; Damian, once he’s embraced living with his father and brothers, and becoming Robin, reflecting on how his mother was wrong; and Adrien, once his father is in prison and he moves to the states with Marinette, Chloe, and his mother and begins to find peace without the overbearing nature of his father. Maybe there will also be some true Felix and Adrien bonding?? Amelie will definitely show up cause like, holy shit, hr sister is back???! Once again, here’s ages: Mari/Adrien: 22, Damian: 23, Jon: 21

The ‘Black Roses’, for me, can be interpreted in a couple different ways. One, both boys hail from wealth; Adrien as a model, and Damian as both an Al Ghul, and the Wayne heir. Canonically, we know Bruce cultivates roses, and I’d imagine they’re grown in grief; much the same for Adrien, as his father didn’t much care for any flowers until his mother ‘died’. Two, it could just symbolize both boys breaking away from, and grieving, what they never really had; albeit, a bit angrily given the tone of the song.

And following the first chorus, we dive a little into how Damian feels about Selina, initially. He doesn’t trust her, doesn’t want her around his family, and certainly not around his father, who is, disturbingly, the more stable parent (we all know how fucked up Brucie really is, poor man) the boy’s had. And he maybe resents Bruce a little bit, cause like, why couldn’t he have loved Talia? Why this woman? When Selina and Bruce break up, he’s even more angry because he’d been starting to like Selina and seeing them both hurting is annoying for him. It does pass of course, like things usually do. He’s shocked when Bruce introduces Emilie. It’s hard not to like her though. Selina and Bruce break up when he’s 15, and he meets Emilie when he’s 23.

The next Few lines are once again more Adrien focused, his own reflecting on how he’s his father’s son. By this point in the lyrics, he’s met Jon, and he’s terrified of hurting him how his father hurt Emilie; he doesn’t want to be anything like Gabriel, but the media has done a bit of a number on him the last few years. This is where he and Damian also start to find they have a bit more in common than they thought.

I like to imagine the last bit of the song is these 2 blessed boys bonding over trauma slowly but surely, feat. Adrien teasing Damian over Mari (because she’s literally everyone’s crush!!), and Damian hissing half threats back to tell Jon about the hearts in Adrien’s notebook. With a guest appearance from!! Overprotective Bros Damian and Adrien with a Visiting Nino, who’s really just happy to have a Third Bro, and So Stoked to be Here. Chloe and Marinette are wondering where they went wrong. Damian teaches Adrien how to deal with trauma in a Better Way, and Adrien teaches Damian how to Be Silly.

(Three Older Robins are S C A R E D )

AND THIS ISN’T EVEN THE PROPER OUTLINE.

Ages by the end are all about 23 or so, one moment, math time....

Ok, yeah, 23 or so. As fun as it is writing teenagers again, I love writing them as adults because it opens up the door for deeper character introspection, and i am A SLUT for that shit! Plus that means Jason and Tim can smoke weed and no one can tell me otherwise. OOH AND I’M SO EXCITED FOR EMILIE AND ALFRED BONDING!!! THEY’RE BOTH PEACOCKS! I do NOT need another story to write but wow this idea is really growing on me I tell you what.

And this doesn’t even hardly TOUCH on what Marinette and the girls have been up to in the background because holy shit. A team made of Mari, Chloe, and Emilie with Alya as back up when she shows up, plus Amelie; add in the Wayne girls and it’s CHAOS.

And Bruce, well.

He can’t remember a time when the manor was so lively; and he surprisingly wouldn’t trade it for anything.

I might put together a proper outline at some point but who knows lol It’s taken me ages to get the will to type this out; I’ve had this in my head since like October of 2019 I think?? so a few months

also I totally blame the inclusion of Brucilie on @kandoesfanfics-writes or littlekittykanny over on Ao3; I’ve absolutely fallen in love with the way they write Bruce and Emilie and it found its way in there! Thank you for introducing me to this beautiful ship!! <3

see you guys soon hopefully! <3

small tag list cause I think you guys might like this idea :3

@casualdarkness @northernbluetongue @2sunchild2 @ivymala07 @chez-pezeater @persephonebutkore @weird-pale-blonde-person @crazylittlemunchkin @thequestionablyhuman @da-tasuky @vivilakitty @zerotosiki @mikantsume @fandomkitty8 @miraculous786

#maribat #mlb x dc #daminette #jondrien #I've had this stewing in my head for MONTHS btw #I like the idea of Adrien and Damian being bros #eventually #adrien is still sunshine and damian is still grumpy #but ya know #traumatized versions of that i suppose #maridami

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calzona-ga · 7 years ago

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Krista Vernoff served as head writer and executive producer for the first seven seasons of Grey's Anatomy and after seven years away -- she's been busy writing and executive producing Showtime's Shameless -- the prolific writer and producer is bringing her light-hearted sensibilities back to the Shondaland drama as a co-showrunner.

The special two-hour premiere, which she wrote, saw plenty of drama like Jackson (Jesse Williams) and Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) butting heads over an operation and Owen (Kevin McKidd) nearly losing it over his sister Megan's (Abigail Spencer) risky surgery. However, the episode also had its fair share of lighter moments with Jo (Camilla Luddington) and Alex (Justin Chambers) reconciling, Dr. Teddy Altman (Kim Raver) making her long-awaited return and Andrew DeLuca (Giacomo Gianniotti) discovering his sister Carina (Stefania Spampinato) is in town by way of walking in on her hooking up with his boss.

We caught up with Vernoff to break down the Season 14 premiere including the shift in tone, what's in store for Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) and her thoughts on what's happening between Jackson and Maggie (Kelly McCreary).

This season has been teased as being much lighter. What made you want to go in that direction? Krista Vernoff: What I said to Shonda [Rhimes] when she sat me down and said, "I want you to do this" is...I watched some of the show and I said if this is the show you want it to continue to be, I'm not the right person for the job. I have been writing Shameless for the last five years. My comic teeth are sharpened and my sensibilities have always lived in a lighter, funnier place. And Shonda said, "That's what I want. I want you to come do you." So it wasn't so much like I think this show needs to shift as me saying I don't know how to write this show you're currently producing. But also, I understood why the show had gotten darker. Because when you have the death of McDreamy, there's no way for the show to stay honest and stay light and funny. And so I understood where the show had shifted. But it felt really organic for me to come back at this time. We've had a couple years of grieving and for me to bring my energy back and shift the show back into joy and humor and light felt organic to both me and Shonda.

Let's talk about Meredith, Nathan and Megan. Meredith has decided to step aside and let Nathan and Megan rekindle things but Megan believes he's still in love with Meredith. What's going on with them and is there hope for a happy ending for any of them? Vernoff: It's definitely complicated. What I love about it is that the complexity is rooted in these women's mutual respect for each other and Nathan's genuine love for both of them. And absolutely, there's hope for some kind of a happy ending but it's gonna be complicated to get there.

Meredith says I had one great love in my life and he died. Is there a chance for her to have a second? Vernoff: What I love about Meredith is that is her saying to Megan, I can take care of you. I can be your doctor because I had my one great love and Nathan isn't him. It's a way of answering really honestly without talking about what feelings she or Nathan may or may not have had for each other. It's respectful of her truth and of Megan's question. Is there hope for someone who's loved and lost? Who'd had their great love and that person died? Of course, there's hope for another love.

Megan has a son in Iraq who is a Syrian refugee. That's a relevant story given what's happening in politics right now. Was that an intentional reference? Vernoff: It was intentional. I feel like as storytellers, we have opportunities to illuminate and educate, and I feel that illumination and education is best served with a spoonful of sugar, which is romance and comedy.

Owen has been through a lot so far with Megan returning and his strained relationship with Amelia. What's going on with Owen and is he going to have some sort of happiness this season Vernoff: I think that Owen has been tortured by this strange and difficult marriage and now he has an answer for why it's that way but of course he doesn't get that answer until after things have already gotten more complicated for him emotionally. And the short answer is yes. One of the things I really wanted to do in bringing Megan back and not having her be so horrifically tortured as he had worried that she might be, was to relieve Owen of some of his pain and angst and guilt. And to get to see a lighter side of him, which his sister brings out in him.

In this episode, we also meet Deluca's sister, Carina. What does their relationship look like over the course of the season? Vernoff: He loves his sister and his sister makes him crazy and sleeps with his boss and has women masturbating in MRIs of a hospital and for Andrew Deluca, it just shakes him up and it lets me show other sides of him. I had lunch with [Giacomo Gianniotti] and was delighted to discover that he was an Italian native speaker and I thought that's so sexy, I have to find a way to use that on the show and that's where Carina Deluca was born.

Let's talk about Carina's study requiring women to masturbate while an MRI machine scans their brain. Will there be complications? Vernoff: It's actually a real study that's happening right now. We've seen those brain scans in the writer's room at Grey's Anatomy. They are developing female Viagras and it has been a long time coming that somebody studies the female body the way the male body has been studied. And so, I don't find it controversial at all. I find it badass and feminist and appropriate and exciting. It's a story I was delighted to tell and no, it won't go badly for the hospital at all. As a matter of fact, it diagnosed a brain tumor.

There's a movement in Hollywood right now to bring more women and diverse stories to the forefront. Was that in your mind while writing this storyline? Vernoff: I am female and by the very nature of being female, women are at the center of my storytelling, instincts and sensibilities and always have been. So no, I didn't have any kind of political agenda but when you empower women to tell stories, women naturally tell their own stories. And when you let women tell their own stories, audiences naturally resonate with them. And I think that is one of the reasons that Grey's Anatomy is one of the biggest shows in the world. Because from the beginning, it was Shonda [Rhimes] and it was Betsy [Beers] and it was me and it was Suzanne Patmore Gibbs and it was Channing Dungey. There were women behind the camera and when you put women behind the camera and behind the computer screen, you galvanize a female audience because of the stories that naturally come out.

Alex finally told Jo about tracking down her abusive ex and she's not too angry. What's next for them? Vernoff: Well, what I loved about that is that in a way, I had a great jumping board which is that the show had become so dark and so conflict-riddled that everybody was expecting a huge fight. And for me, I thought...I would reward the honesty [and] the bravery to tell me that truth. And I would also be so relieved if I had been frightened by someone's impulse towards violence, so relieved to know that he had done this stupid thing, gone and looked him up but not killed him. Not beat him up. Not landed in jail. I think that that was the thing keeping Jo away from Alex and that the relief and the joy of "Okay, this thing that Alex did was a one-time thing and he was trying to defend me, and he's not gonna kill himself to defend me further and he's not gonna attack me and I can be with this man I love," felt really true and right to me. And I think it was only surprising to fans because they'd been watching so many people fight for so many years on this show.

Grey's Anatomy fans are very passionate and opinionated about Jaggie. Are you aware of this ship? Vernoff: This is what makes me laugh, and Jesse tweeted me this the other day. They're passionate and opinionated about a thing they've never seen any portion of. And I believe that that falls under the category of contempt prior to investigation. I hope that they will keep an open mind. I know that Maggie and Jackson's parents are married to each other. I am playing that for all the humor that it suggests. And I think that there is fun to be had with this cat that April inadvertently lets out of the box that neither Maggie nor Jackson knew existed.

What can you say about Amelia's tumor? Vernoff: Anytime you're living with an undiagnosed malady that is suddenly diagnosed, there is fear in the diagnosis but also relief because you've been feeling symptoms. There's some relief in knowing what's causing them. When there is a tumor sitting on the frontal lobe of your brain, it causes behavioral abnormalities and Amelia has made some messes in her life and I think there is both fear in the diagnosis of a brain tumor and relief for her.

What can you tell us about the rest of the season? Will more doctors be leaving Grey Sloan? Vernoff: We know that Jason George has a particular journey this year which keeps him in Shondaland but that potentially transitions him out of Grey Sloan and that is gonna be a rich and dramatic storyline for our fans to enjoy...Watching how that character goes off to that other show.

#grey's anatomy #tvguide #Krista Vernoff #scoop #amelia shepherd #jaggie #maggie pierce #jackson avery #april kepner #jo wilson #alex karev #Megan Hunt #Owen Hunt #nathan riggs #Meredith Grey #Carina DeLuca #andrew deluca

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jonathanjoesephjoestar · 7 years ago

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The Mysterious Ring

(Here’s the second story, will post more in a couple days maybe)

The Mysterious Ring

I was cleaning our new house, trying to stem the tide of chaos the inevitably accompanies children under six, when I found the ring. It was lying on the floor, behind our big blue couch, glinting slightly in the light of windows I had just opened. The smell of lemon scented cleaner hung in the air as I reached down to pick it up. It was a small gold ring, made for the hand of a woman about my size, five feet and two inches tall, and 100 pounds even. Frowning, I paused the music on my phone, and called up the stairs to my husband, John.

“John, baby, are you up there?” A groan floated down the stairs to me.

“What is it Jess? Something happen to one of the boys?” Thumping down the stairs, my husband of seven years, and the father of my two boys, poked his head out of the door. “Everything okay, hon?” Wordlessly, I showed him the ring I had found. “Where did you find that?” A strange tone entered his voice, or so I thought.

“Over here, behind the blue couch. It was just lying there, but, I could have sworn that we cleaned all of the old owner’s things out of here when we moved in last month”.

“I don’t know how we missed it. Maybe one of the boys found it, and thought it was a toy. Scott is still only three years old after all. That ring looks pretty shiny, he might have wanted to play with it.” I looked at him, with his gorgeous Slavic features, and his sea blue eyes, and thought, not for the first time, of whether or not he may be cheating on me. He certainly could have had any woman he wanted, and I was always worried about not being attractive enough for him. He reached his hand out for the ring, but, I hesitated. I brought the ring close to my eyes and looked through the center, hoping for an engraving. With a shock of astonishment, I adjusted my glasses, and peered even closer to see the scratches on the inside band. Yes, there really was an engraving there!

“Could you take a look at this, John? There’s something engraved in there, but, I can’t quite make it out.”

He took the ring, and examined the words I had seen. It might have been my imagination, but, I could have sworn that his face turned paler as he read.

“To my dearest Elizabeth, so that you might follow your heart’s desire. Love, John.”

“Who’s Elizabeth,” I shrieked at him, flabbergasted by what I had just heard.

“Please, Jessica, just wait a second! It’s not what you think,” He exclaimed, a desperate look in his eyes. He reached towards me, walking with a kind of numb despair.

“I don’t know who this Elizabeth is, but, maybe you should go stay with her for a few days, and leave me and the boys in peace!” Taking off my ring, I flung it in his face, and began running to the woods behind the house we had just purchased, to a quiet area I had already established for myself.

I looked on in a paralytic state of shock as my young wife fled, my nose stinging from where her ring had hit me. Her long blonde hair fanned out behind her in a smooth, unbroken wave. I loved her so much that it hurt me to my core to see her fleeing from me like that. I glanced down at the other ring, still warm from her touch, now clutched in my fingers. I had thought that I had the ring away somewhere that Jess would never find it, but, somehow, she’d stumbled onto it anyways. There was only three years difference in our age, yet even that much sometimes felt like an entire lifetime.

I bent down, picked up Jessica’s ring, and slipped into my chest pocket, right over my heart. Walking up the stairs, I decided to let Jessica cool off. She wouldn’t believe anything I told her right now, not after hearing what was engraved on the ring. The oak built stairs creaked a little under my weight, and I called up to my two sons, Jason and Scott.

“Jason. Scott. Where are you,” stretching out the end of “you”, I continued our game of hide and seek. I carefully paced through the second floor of our home, a two hundred year old, four story house, with boat loads of history hidden behind its walls. Our furniture seemed out of place in a house like that, back then, most of it old and worn, and extremely comfortable. Shaking my head, I continued my search. I pulled open closets, looked under couches, flipped suspiciously lumpy blankets, and still they eluded me. Jason, the five year old, was getting to be a big boy now, and hated it when his little brother Scott clung to him like a Koala, so that meant I had to find both of them separately.

I often wondered if I might have had children with Elizabeth, if she’d survived. With a shout of triumph, I grasped the tiny feet sticking out from underneath the crawlspace by the stairs, and pulled Jason free of his hiding place.

“Awww, you got me dad.”

“Yep, I did slugger. I guess you’ll just have to find a better hiding place next time. Now, you have a choice to make. Do you want to help me find Scott? Or would you rather get a snack first?”

“Get a snack,” he told me solemnly, his five year old eyes dead serious. God, to see Jessica’s features merge with my own like that, in Jason’s little face, I couldn’t help but grieve over the future I had lost when Elizabeth’s cancer finally won. At the same time, my joy over the life I had created with Jessica continued to grow. I worried that she still might not believe me, even after she’d had a chance to cool off. It all would have been fine, if only that damn ring hadn’t shown up. How the hell did it get out of my office, and down behind that couch? Shaking my head, I picked Jason up, and put him on my shoulders.

My first experience with what it means to be a big brother, was when I was about five years old, and my brother Scotty was three. Dad was taking me downstairs for a snack when Scotty fell out of the tree he was hiding in.

“Owie!”

“Scott!” Dad shouted. “Are you okay?” He transferred me from his shoulders to his arms, and sprinted down the stairs, and outside. “Scott! Where are you?”

“D-daddy! I’m h-here!” His three year old voice came out chocked with sobs of pain. Dad put me on the ground, and ran to where Scotty was sitting beneath the tree, holding his arm as if it was going to fall off. Looking back, I think he must have climbed up the tree using an old tractor sitting next to it, but, I didn’t realize that back then. Scotty always was surprisingly smart and agile.

“Are you okay, Scotty? Where does it hurt?” He pointed to his right arm, and kept crying. Dad carefully examined it, making sure not to touch it too roughly. “Looks like it’s broken, Scotty.” Dad turned to look at me, and continued. “Jason, go get your mother, please.” Before I could move, though, Mom was already running to us from out of the woods.

“Scott! John, what happened,” She cried.

“We were playing hide and seek, and he climbed up there when I wasn’t looking. Look, I know you’re angry about that ring. Right now, though, we have to get Scott to the E.R. to have his arm checked out. I think he broke it when he fell out of that tree.”

“All right, John. The instant we have him checked in, though, you and I are going to have a very serious talk, John.” Mom and Dad hurried us all to the family minivan, and we sped along to the hospital in town. Scotty was crying the entire time.

“Scotty it’ll be okay,” I remember telling him. This was where my first trial as Big Brother extraordinaire began. I held Scotty’s free hand during the whole ride there, doing my absolute best to keep him calm. Within thirty minutes, we were at the hospital, and the doctors set about getting Scotty’s arm X-rayed. While we were waiting for them to get the cast ready, he was given just enough pain medication to knock him out. Pretty soon he fell asleep, cuddled closely between our parents, with Mom on his left, and Dad on his right.

The doctor came in and began the process of setting Scotty’s arm, and placing the cast on it, with Mom and Dad playing the roles of support. Dad held Scotty still, while mom held his free hand and talked him through the pain. He clenched his chubby hand tightly around hers, against the first experience he’d ever had with real, serious injury. Looking up at me, he seemed to draw strength from the fact that his big brother was there with him.

“We’ll have to check on him every two weeks to make sure he doesn’t damage the cast, or do anything to make his arm worse than it already is.” The doctor told our parents. “And you, Mister, had better not be climbing any more trees any time soon,” he said, looking Scotty dead in the eye.

I shuffle my notes around a little, and tug nervously at my tuxedo’s collar. Taking a deep breath, I begin my toast, with a nod from Dad.

“One of my earliest memories, is of when I broke my arm playing hide and seek with Jason and Dad. I was only three at the time, so it’s all kind of fuzzy, but I know that that day saved our parent’s marriage. In fact, if it hadn’t been for my propensity for trouble, they might not have ever made it to this point, their fortieth wedding anniversary.” I pause, and look around, making sure that everyone is paying attention, before I continue my toast. “We were on our way home from the hospital, and my big brother was falling asleep in his car seat, after a long night of trying to keep my calm at the hospital. I had gotten more than enough sleep while I was there, so I stayed awake the entire trip home. That’s when I heard something, that’s stuck with me for thirty three years.

“‘About the ring,’ my father had said, reaching for his hip pocket. ‘Until a year before you and I met, I was engaged to be married. My fiancé’s name was Elizabeth.’

“‘Why didn’t you ever tell me about her?’ Mom asked him.”

“‘Because, it’s still hard for me to even think about her. She died, after a furious, but futile, battle with cancer,’ he sighed, a weight visibly beginning to lift off of his shoulders. ‘I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw you holding that ring. I thought it was a dream, or that maybe the old owners really did leave something behind. I was already too far into the engraving to stop, when I realized it really was her old ring.’ He pulled it out of his pocket just then, and in the back seat I reached forward.

“‘My toy!’ I happily exclaimed, too young to understand what I’d heard up to that point. Dad and Mom looked back at me in unison then, with varying levels of surprise in their expressions.

“‘Your toy,’ my dad asked me. ‘Where did you find it?’”

“’In your office, Daddy,’ I replied, a stupid grin on my face. My parents looked at each other, then proceeded to give me the longest ‘stealing is bad’ lecture any three year old has ever received. To this day, in fact, I harbor a disgust towards any act of stealing outside of fiction. So I guess there lecture worked after all. By the time my barrage of discipline was over, we had finally arrived at the house. My mom got out, walked around the minivan, and hugged Dad tightly, kissing him as if it was the last time she’d ever get to see him. A look of surprise crossed her face, and she reached into his chest pocket to pull out her ring.’”

“‘I’m never taking this off ever again,’ she whispered to him that night, as she slipped the ring back on. It’s still kind of harrowing to think that, because of my sticky three year old paws, they almost got divorced. It’s comforting, I suppose, to know that it was those same three old arms falling out of a tree ended up saving their marriage.”

I put my note cards down, and take a sip of wine. Silence rules the room. Then, starting with my mother, everyone begins to clap. I blush, and hurry back to my seat next to Jason, and our respective wives. Its all worth it later that night though, when I overhear my parents talking.

“I still haven’t taken it off, you know,” Mom says.

“I know.”

#short story #writing

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