#parenting while pagan
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You know something?
There’s a lot of ~*discourse*~ on the parenting corner of the internet, right now, about whether to let your kids believe in Santa. And I have come to a realization.
I believe in Santa Claus. I believe in Krampus, and nisse, and frau perchta, and the Yule cat. I believe in all of it.
In a weird, cognitive-dissonance way, even as I am wrapping presents “from Santa” for my kid, I… believe.
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There was much in this book that spoke a great deal to me, but most of all the section on demiurgy, as it helped me realise that dedicating an activity to one's god(s) doesn't necessarily need to be a short-term, devotional act (though it can be, and often will) ; one can also devote/dedicate a longterm ongoing element of one's life to them, and embody and emulate them through doing so. This was instrumental for me in helping me realise that when I become a parent I can devote and dedicate in effect the whole experience of raising a child to the netjer, emulating Anup through protecting my children, Wepwawet through helping them overcome obstacles, Isis through general maternal devotion - these being just a few such examples. It gives a central and purpose-driven element of my life a religious/spiritual context greater than I had previously understood as possible.
I've recently made the acquaintance of Adam Mahmoud, author of Mystic Egyptian Polytheism. I cannot begin to tell you how refreshing a perspective on Kemeticism he is.
Our practices are very different. He is very rooted in Neoplatonism and philosophical studies whereas I am more rooted in personal gnosis. Nevertheless I really value his work and perspectives as an Egyptian-American. Exploring modern mysticism and theology in Egypt via some of the resources he has shared has been very informative. I've been meaning to write a full review of his book (which is free) and simply have not gotten to it. I recommend checking it out, regardless of where you are in your practice!
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I love being a polytheist so much.
Me and my mum visited the city today and Hermes kept sending signs to us all day, it made me so happy knowing he was with us.
At first I felt his presence while we were bussing in, I was kind of confused as I was listening to ‘Pomegranate Seeds’ and that’s Persephone’s song
Later a feather I was following with my eyes landed on my shoe while I was walking
On the way home we got the only 2 seats left on the bus (they were next to each other which was nice)
And all throughout the day mum kept getting texts about her driving exam in all the places she’d first been tested on it
#she also found a coin while booking the exam in#context: since we moved overseas both my parents have todo their driving exams again and I’ve commissioned Hermes for help:)#stariel posts#paganism#hermes#storytime✨✨#going out for dinner tonight (I finished my exams this morning so we’re celebrating the start of holidays) I’m curious if we’ll see any more#:))#I made a post on one of my other blogs abt some of the other things I did today (it’s a marvel fandom blogs) here’s the post:#https://www.tumblr.com/sp1dey-ri3l/754538843706966016/got-my-first-physical-comic#he’s such a rad dude (hermes I mean) :)
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hungarian/nomadic magyar tumblr circa 998AD dashboard simulator
🏞️ vándor-ló-979 Follow
not yall still spreading emese's foundation myth??? she literally claims she fucked a bird????? like either she's lying or she cheated and she's trying to cover it up or well. i dont even want to consider the third option
🪺 magánügyek Follow
tengri forbid women do anything???
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🦅 szél-könnyű-szárnyán-szállj Follow
okay im sick of the discourse let's do this.
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🐎 istván-rovására Follow
that took so long lmao -> !!!!!!!∧◇ᛏ⋈∧
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🐴 csillagösvény Follow
i'm so serious rn if you support """istván""" in any way just unfollow and block me. we do NOT need him or his dumbass god and what he's been doing to our people to spread his religion is shameful.
🐴 csillagösvény Follow
btw we all know your real name is vajk stop larping as a christian it's EMBARRASSINGGGG
✝️ esztergom-örökké Follow
love seeing my mutuals reblogging this /s anyway op has multiple posts on their blog supporting quartering and human sacrifice. in case you were wondering. anyway stand with István
🐴 csillagösvény Follow
1) we dont even do human sacrifices, are you fucking stupid??? show me ONE post where i talk about that. 2) are you seriously forgetting that your bestie istván LITERALLY QUARTERED HIS UNCLE?????
#sorry to put this dumbass on the dash😭 dont even engage just block them #ur not making it up the tree of life lmao #discourse
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🌅 bolygó-kárpáti Follow
friendly reminder that just because you're white passing doesn't mean you're not a real magyar!! people with mixed parents are just as valid <3
🏇 attila-népe Follow
cranky coz ur ancestors decided to mix with the europeans arent you
🧺 lemezelő Follow
isnt your girlfriend literally frankish????
🏇 attila-népe Follow
you had to have done some serious stalking to find that💀 and first of all i didn't have a choice, my parents picked the tribe, and second of all she's not my "girlfriend" i got her via ritual kidnapping (WITH consent. before anyone gets weird)
🌐 a-kiber-kovács Follow
Couldn't you have kidnapped another magyar woman? Or someone from another mongoloid tribe?
🔅 hadúrsimp Follow
ohh sure so now human pet guy is gonna chime in to advocate for the kidnapping of our women while being lowkey racist. what are you even doing on nomadblr????
🌅 bolygó-kárpáti Follow
what the fuck happened to my post
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🪔 rakabonciás Follow
for the nth time, you're only a true shaman if you were born with teeth OR with extra fingers OR in the sac. the rest of you are faking & we can tell.
🦅szél-könnyű-szárnyán-szállj Follow
okay people keep spreading this but this is literally just wrong?? like congrats on the 6 fingers op im glad u and Little Golden Father have a special connection (genuinely) but like. táltos and sámán and mágus and garabonciás and javas etc are all different things with completely different requirements and life paths which you should definitely know if you're claiming to be one?? especially since your post says shaman but you're listing the criteria for a táltos, and your username looks like a play on garabonciás so. which is it🤔 maybe get your facts in order before trying to gatekeep
anyway don't listen to op!! your connection to the Upper World is yours alone and you're the best judge of what the Fathers and Mothers want your path in life to be!!
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🛐 mea-culpa Follow
It breaks my heart that the majority of my people still refuse to see the One True God and insist on sticking to their pagan spirits. I fear that when judgement day comes, we will all be wiped out thanks to their foul godless ways.
🐴 csillagösvény Follow
how tf am i godless when i literally have dozens of gods? little mothers and little fathers are in everything all around us & it must suck ass to live in a world where you're not surrounded by the small gods that inhabit everything. manifesting that the fene and the guta tag team beat your ass tonight
🔅 hadúrsimp Follow
hadúr will literally strike op down personally. he told me himself. whispered it to me sweetly even
🐴 csillagösvény Follow
while i agree with you, i feel like you might also have ulterior motives, nomadblr user hadúrsimp
#but live your truth! doubly so on the posts of these freak repressed bible lovers. meanwhile on the #COOL side of magyarhood we walk around butt ass naked!!! op have fun never experiencing joy ever again tho #discourse
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👑 sanctus-stephanus Follow
posting from an alt so i don't get cancelled but lowkey i'm starting to think koppány was right.... maybe this christianity thing isn't gonna work out after all
👑 sanctus-stephanus Follow
WRONG BLOG
👑 sanctus-stephanus Follow
THIS WAS A JOKE. IGNORE THIS
🪺 magánügyek Follow
ISTVÁN????????????? 💀
#the usernames wont make any sense unless ur hungarian and insane about the era im sorry. i hope the rest is funny to foreigners too tho🙏#i woke up in the middle of the night and typed out the majority of this then fell back asleep#hopefully that provides some nice extra context to jt#it's especially funny coz I've been meaning to make this post for like. legit at least 7 or 8 months now#so ig inspiration struck in the middle of the fkin night. finally. well here you go#dashboard simulator#dashboard sim#history#hun mythology#mythology#hun culture
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In the latest instalment of my personal divine comedy: I've spent all my spare emotional and mental energy on understanding chemistry (which I still don't understand) and now I'm about to take a biology exam over diabetes- a disease THAT I HAVE. And I am fairly sure I'm not gonna do great friends.
#all will be well im sure#im so grateful i have the privilege of my parents funding my college because buddy? im gonna lose a really good scholarship.#it's possible to salvage it but we're definitely going into next semester paying full price (minus any small scholarships i can get)#also my mom sent me a scholarship application for episcopalian college students and. while i love my church. im not episcopalian. im pagan#i go to church occasionally because i like the people#im gonna get a job this summer and save money so i can. invest it? im scared to start but i know its the smart thing to do#that way when im out of college i dont have to keep relying on my parents so much#this started as a#vent#but you know what? i love my parents. thats the new message of the post. thank you parents for being patient and reasonable#i was on the phone with my mom earlier and told her how bad things looked and she just said that we'll figure it out and she trusts me#she trusts im doing my best which i think i am? i know theres a lot more i could have done#but i also know plenty of people would have failed harder after starting the semester with 4 weeks of respiratory infection#i have hope. the universe always provides for me i trust her im just scared
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. 𝐌𝐲 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡
warnings: established relationship, fem!reader, suggestive content (i got a lil carried away sry) and dirty jokes (beware.), somewhat foul language
(also luke cosplaying nightwing which i need for my life-)
In which he's starting to understand why Halloween is cool.
˗ˏˋ ♡ ˎˊ˗
If camp half-blood was a training place dedicated to children of Greek gods, where believing in them was no question anymore, a pagan festival was still welcome once a year, because who doesn’t love Halloween ? Getting away from yourself for a night, partying and stuffing your face with candies and weirdly colored drinks, all dressed up in costume ranging from dinosaur to ballerina… maybe even upsetting a little the parents with a festivity not in their name, whatever they have to say about it.
You loved that atmosphere, the fire burning in the middle of the camp area getting bigger as the night came closer, turning almost purple with everyone’s excitement, the smell of sugar surrounding the place as bowls of candies were put everywhere, the enveloping warmth of the late Fall; it all brought the biggest smile on your face. After all, it was one of your favorite events of the year.
You were sat on your makeshift vanity, since Hecate children didn’t have the same kind of layout as Aphrodite ones, enjoying for now the silence in your cabin as you had left all of your half-siblings leave before you’d started getting ready. Eventually, you’d slipped out of bed, putting on your Starfire costume —the 2004 version, knowing Chiron would certainly give you a dirty look if you went for any other—, and now settled in front of the mirror to do the matching makeup. You didn’t turn to the door when someone knocked from outside.
“Can I come in ?”
“Sure ~” you simply answered with a little laugh.
From the corner of your eyes, you caught the movement of the door, dark figure stepping in, and you finally turned to face them.
“Wow.”
There he stood, awkwardly fixing his gelled curls, Luke Castellan suited up in the matching Nightwing costume you’d chosen for him, and you couldn’t have been more proud of your idea.
“Damn, am I making you that speechless, pumpkin ?” he asked, gaining back his usual confidence instantly as he caught your gaze, raising a cocky eyebrow.
A slight blush probably coated your cheeks under the foundation. “And how would you like that…” you replied, a smile in your voice as you rolled your eyes, adverting your gaze from Luke’s form before your brain started stuttering and going back to your makeup.
A smile was etched on your face as your mind kept replaying the view you just had, his hair gelled and curls tamed, the way the black spandex fit so well, following every dip and ridges along his toned body, and you had to mentally restrict yourself from throwing glances his way or you’d never hear the end of it. But you couldn’t help but pat yourself on the back for the matching costumes idea.
“You still on for drawing the mask, right ?” Luke asked after a few instant, now sitting cross-legged on your bed, mindlessly cradling one of your stuffed animals.
“Oh yeah, don’t worry.” You looked at him through the mirror, seeing him already doing the same. “I just have to finish up my makeup and I’ll do yours…”
So he stayed there for a short while, watching you skillfully draw a sharp wing of black eyeliner over the colored eye makeup, his gaze eventually trailing down your face to stay on your lips, slightly agape from the concentration, pale from not being finished yet, and he just had this urge tugging at the back of his mind…
He’d been in your cabin for about 5 minutes, and you’re surprised it even took him this much time to start nagging you, getting up from the bed and reaching for every and each item next to you, studying it all.
“How much does all of this even cost you? There’s like… a lot.”
“I don’t really know, most of this I got as a gift… Maybe about 200 ? Something like that ?” you replied, trying to get the placement of you fake lashes right.
“What ?!”
You laughed loudly at his reaction, head falling back to look at him as he stood behind your chair. “I just… I got a cousin that really likes me ~” you said with a small smile, shaking a lash band to dry off the glue.
“Damnit, I went for the wrong cousin…” he mumbled, sly grin dancing on his lips as he looked down at you. And whatever he was saying, his eyes were too full of adoration for you to believe anything.
You playfully smacked his arm, sitting back up straight to finish the last touches. “Shut up, nerd…”
Just as you started to put on lipstick, arms sneaking around your waist made butterflies erupt in your stomach, effectively resulting in loss of focus and a stray streak of pink on your skin.
“Luke…” you trailed, aiming to sound intimidating and probably just letting out a chuckle halfway through as he squeezed harder, head resting on top of yours.
“When are you done ?” he practically whines, pouting at your reflection in the mirror as he casually brushes off your attempt at a threat. “They’re all waiting outside already, I’m sure. Can’t we just… wrap it up ?”
You slowly turn your head to look over your shoulder, face twisted in a mock scandalized expression. “Wow. If you really wanna make time cuts, I’m just gonna draw a straight line over your eyes and call it a day.”
The corner of his lips extended in a tight line, before he chose to hide his face in your hair, grumbling a small ‘Whatever, take your time, pumpkin’ against the top of your head, chest pressed to your back as he let you finish up.
You made your lips pop, evening your gloss, before getting Luke’s attention with a soft finger snap next to his ear. “Okay, birdie boy, your time to shine ~”
He didn’t necessarily like the excitement in your voice as you urged him to sit in the chair you sat in mere instants ago, but he obliged, knowing he couldn’t resist you anyway, and wanting to finally get this over with.
If he had to be honest, dressing up for Halloween wasn’t his strongest suit —pun not intended—, and since he was old enough to choose for himself, Luke had always went for whatever was simplest, whatever took barely a couple accessories over his everyday clothes. But since you’d arrived at camp, a few years back, you’d brought this spirit with you he couldn’t deny. And you’d made fun of him for ‘going as himself’ to a costumed event enough times for him to start to consider changing his beliefs. For you. So now that you two had finally started dating, after months and months of unresolved mutual pining, dressing up for Halloween didn’t sound so bad, if it put that smile that got his heart going on your face.
And he also happened to think he looked absolutely ripped in the black fitted suit.
“So… will whatever you’re gonna put on my face be easy to clean up ? Or will I have to come back and get it removed ? Like, tonight, when everyone’s too drunk to pay attention to where I went and-”
You quickly came back to his side as he rambled, his breath hitching through the smug facade when you tilted his head up to look at you, because even after this much time, you just had this effect on him… “Castellan,” you started, and boy did it make a shiver run through his spine, his last name spoken in that firm, bossy voice you sometimes took, “shut up before I forbid you from coming into this cabin tonight.”
Luke didn’t miss the way her lips quirked into a half-smile, and again, that sight just…
“Why do you wear that much makeup ? You don’t usually do.”
The way he stated it made you halt right before the kohl crayon touched his face to map out the mask, blinking in confusion at his question. You could see his eyes scrutinizing your face, his usual smile casually hanging on his lips, and you had no idea if you should be concerned by his comment or awfully upset by it after spending an hour and a half preparing.
“Yo, wow, I heard it, sorry,” he quickly said, taking back his awkward phrasing and mimicking a rewind motion with his fingers that made you chuckle. “I meant by that, it just… I can’t see when I fluster you, does that make sense ? Like, there’s this… skin-tone liquidy shit I don’t know the name of just blocking out your cheeks, can’t even tease you and reap the bright red laurels,” he explained, broad smile stretching on his face as this time he didn’t need to see any blush to guess your state.
“Shut-” You cleared your voice, embarrassed by his antics, knowing damn well it somewhat warmed your heart for a reason you wouldn’t know. “Shut up before I poke your eyes out…” you said, unconvinced as you puffed your cheeks, trying to escape the deep embarrassment
“Ah, the sweet mumbling of your inner demons, can never get enough of those, can I ?”
You chose to stay silent, not giving him material to broaden his smirk any further as you started to trace the outline of the mask in black pencil.
You quickly mapped it out, filling the shape with black face paint, fully focused on the task at hand as you made sure not to go over the edge or leave a single speck of skin visible around the eyes. Meanwhile, Luke didn’t utter a single word, simply looking at you with that face of adoration he carried everywhere you were, loving the focused look you sported, how your brows slightly furrowed and the tip of your tongue just slipped past your lips.
You sighed as you cracked your neck to release tension, the position you were in slightly uncomfortable, before standing right before him and tapping his knee with the tip of your fingers. “Spread your legs, pretty boy.”
“Wh- That’s my line ~” He smirked but immediately obliged, letting you get closer, hands obediently resting on his thighs. For a short while at least.
You had just begun the shadowing process, tilting your head to the side to ensure the design from another angle when his fingers tangled in your hair, a thumb gently grazing your cheekbone before pulling you on his lips the next moment. Your eyes instinctively fluttered close, giving in to follow his movements with your own mouth, hands clutching the back of the chair for stability as he kept you flush to him. But you snapped out when his tongue darted out to reach your lips.
You quickly pulled away, your brain registering your surroundings again and not just the feeling of his soft lips on yours. “I- what was that for ?” you asked with a little laugh, breathing already a little heavy from this little eyes trailing along his face. “I could've smudged your mask.”
Luke couldn’t help but smirk again, pride blooming in his chest, his hands gently combing through your hair. “I don’t know, do I need a rea-”
“Shit!” you whisper-yelled, taking in the sight of his mouth now covered in a mix of your lipstick and clear gloss. “I… my makeup is messed up, isn’t it ?”
His expression was all but guilty as he started tracing his fingers around the outline of your lips, way past where they should've been painted. “Just a little bit… here.”
“Luke!” you whined, pouting with your brows scrunched up as you swatted his arms in frustration, clearly upset by a situation that amused him deeply.
“But-” He cut himself off for a second, pushing towards you to press his lips on the side of your neck, and your legs felt like jello for a moment. “-you looked so pretty,” a kiss, “all focused and in your, by the way incredible, Starfire makeup,” another kiss, “and costume and it just makes me wanna have you close...” Luke tilted his head with an innocent smile, looking up at you with a glint of mischief dancing in his hazel orbs. The next moment, his hands left your nape to snake around your waist ad your thigh, effectively tugging you down to straddle his lap in the chair.
You closed your eyes, blowing air out of your noise like it would elongate your patience towards your boyfriend’s antics. Which it did not. But could you really be annoyed when he looked at you like you were the most precious thing he’d ever lay a finger on, making your heartbeat increase and the butterflies in your stomach fly free ?
Still, you tried to hold your ground. “Luke-” You tried to warn him but it only turned into a whimper as he littered kisses up your neck to that spot behind your ear that made you sigh, your resolve weakening. “Didn’t you say you wanted to get this over with quickly ?” Your fingers curled in his hair, gently pulling him off your now really hot skin, feeling the blush creeping up and the blood pumping at your pulse points. “That we should go join the others at the campfire as soon as possible ?”
Looking down at him, one of the only thoughts in your mind was how little time you’d yet spent admiring how he looked in the costume, when really the look alone could make you insane.
His gaze crossed yours, puppy eyes paired with a pout that made your head spin, and he caught a glimpse of the pink lipstick marks he’d littered on your neck, pout morphing to a smirk quickly. “Oh, I said it. But then I thought ‘like hell’, and now we’re here in your cabin, and everyone’s out at the party…” he hinted, looking back up at you with a look far from innocent this time. His smile was warm and affectionate, but the passion burning in his eyes was unmistakable, and his thumb brushing over your thigh while his other hand crept up your side, teasing the hem of your purple and silver cropped top, was a mix that sent electricity shooting up your whole body.
You closed your eyes for a second, trying to gain back your composure. “You like your Starfire, don’t you ?” The moment he nodded, pulling you closer, was the moment you snapped your fingers to make a little pink fireball appear in your hand, twirling it around your fingers. “Do you like her alien powers too ?”You continued, nicely threatening him, like saying ‘let me the fuck go or I’ll burn a clearing in your hair’. “Luke, there are people, actual people, waiting for us at the party, mkay ?”
“Damn, always so dramatic… It does make you me burn for you even more though,” he said, swiping his tongue over his lip while looking longingly in your eyes. “Pun intended,” he quickly added, and you couldn’t contain a laugh at the unseriousness of this boy. “Okay, c’mon, pass me a cotton pad so I can wipe it off while you finish my mask. Or maybe you like the pink lip marks ?” He raised his eyebrows playfully and you rolled your eyes, shaking your head in amusement and faint disbelief. You turned around, going to stand back up, but he was quicker, hands shooting to tug you back down by the waist. “Nu-uh, where you going ? Stay close.” And you could’ve just melted right there and then as he laid a chaste kiss on your shoulder.
“You big lovesick baby..” you grumbled with a laugh, your annoyance fully dissipated as you twisted your body to reach for cotton pads and the makeup remover, sliding it over his mouth before handing it to him. “And no slick move, you get it all off, right ?”
“Wow, I can’t even show you off anymore, can I ?” he huffed out, still doing as you said, delicately rubbing the cotton over your skin while you added the finishing touches to his, by some miracle of the gods, still intact makeup. “May I even add, Kori and Dick are pretty activ-”
“Luke ?”
“Yeah ?” He looked up at you with big, expectant eyes, while your gaze was more one of bewilderment.
“If you say that in front of anyone else tonight, I’m cutting you precious hair in your sleep.”
“You wouldn’t dare.” But the deadpan of your voice had him almost doubting it.
“Try me,” you stated, challenge in your gaze, before it quickly went back to its usual soft state. “Anyway, you’re all set,” you said, blowing him a playful kiss as you stood back on your two feet, not wanting to ruin your makeup any further. You quickly turned back around, putting your combo back on while Luke stood up behind you, hugging your form from behind.
“Myeah, cool…”
“Oh come on, you were all happy about it 10 minutes ago! Just wait and see, I’m gonna make you love Halloween ~”
“Yeah, I don’t doubt it…” he trailed, breathing in the soft sent of your shampoo he found so relaxing.
“Ok, let’s go,” you finally said, closing back your lip gloss and popping your lips in the mirror as he hurried to the door, insisting on opening it for you. “Simp.”
“You love it, though.”
“I, insanely so, do, I’ll admit,” you replied with a soft chuckle, taking in the vision of him next to the door, waiting for you. “But what’s really insane is how much you do Nightwing justice in this suit, fits you so well…” you trailed, shamelessly looking Luke up and down.
“Yeah ? Even the bakery ?” he replied cheekily, sly smile dancing on his still slightly swollen lips.
You instantly laughed at his words, passing him by as you exited through the door. “You wish, birdie.”
Ok I had a little (lot) fun writing this, don't even come at me for posting it on Christmas<3
Also, it's my birthday, yayy (I'm 19, not yay.)
Anygaysss hope you liked it, bubye ~
Love, Nana -
#nana's mind ━☆#luke castellan imagine#luke castellan x reader#pjo series#imagine#luke castellan x you#charlie bushnell#fanfiction#oneshot#halloween#halloween imagine#luke castellan halloween
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All right, ok, LISTEN. I don't know who needs to hear this, but I'm pretty sure that some people do. It's ok to hate Percy Jackson because it depicts the Greek Gods in a terrible way. Rick Riordan has the creative license to write them however he wants, but it's still fine to be annoyed at how they're portrayed.
It's ok to hate the fact that PJO wasn't in Greece and that the explanation for why it was in America was terrible.
It's ok to hate the fact that Zeus, Hera, Ares, Athena and a whole lot of other gods were portrayed in a negative light.
It's ok to be furious because Ares is a bad parent in PJO.
It's ok to tear your hair out over the way Artemis and her hunt were written.
It's ok to be angry that Athena had children with mortals when she was a virgin goddess in the myths.
It's ok to be angry that Hades cheated on Persephone in PJO (even if you like Nico and Bianca and Hazel. It's fine to do both).
It's ok to be angry that Persephone and Demeter don't have a good relationship and that Demeter is largely painted to be an overbearing, helicopter mother.
It's ok to resent the fact that Artemis, the former's hunt and Hestia, the goddess of the hearth and another virgin goddess, were portrayed as literal CHILDREN despite there being no reason for Rick to do that.
It's ok to be annoyed with the fact that Poseidon was sanitized when he could've been such a morally gray character.
It's fine to cry about the fact that Aphrodite was largely reduced to a stereotypical, modern cartoonish version of RomANtiC lOvE when she was the goddess of LOVE, not just ROMANCE, SEX AND BEAUTY.
It's ok to like Trials of Apollo but want to smash things because Apollo was depicted as an incompetent dumbass. It's ok to seethe at the fact that Zeus was portrayed as an abusive father to Apollo when in the myths, he was quite loving.
It's ok to do this because PJO is one of the if not THE MOST major media that depicts Greek Mythology. It's basically a Greek Mythology fanfiction MODERN AU. And yes, it's helped thousands of children and adults and made them feel better, and it's almost as popular as Harry Potter for a reason. But it's still fine for Greek people, Hellenistic Pagans and even people who aren't Greek or Hellenistic to be angry with how Rick Riordan is continuously bastardising the Greek Gods and making them look more and more of a joke.
A lot of people who got into Greek Mythology used PERCY JACKSON as their first reference, and while Percy Jackson is a great start for venturing into Greek Mythology- PLEASE, PLEASE BEAR IN MIND THAT PJO GODS ARE NOT AS ACCURATE AS THE ORIGINAL.
POSEIDON IS NOT THAT GOOD.
HADES IS NOT SO VILLANOUS.
ATHENA IS NOT SO COLD AND UNCARING. SHE'S A MAIN PATRON OF HEROES AND RARELY ABANDONS THEM EVEN AFTER THEY'VE COMMITTED WAR CRIMES
DIONYSUS IS NOTHING LIKE HIS PJO COUNTERPART.
ARES IS A GOOD FATHER.
DEMETER AND PERSEPHONE HAD A BEAUTIFUL, LOVING RELATIONSHIP.
HERA IS NOT SO HORRIBLE. SHE HAD HER GOOD MOMENTS
ZEUS WAS NOT THAT BAD IN GREEK MYTHOLOGY AND HE WAS ALSO A CARING FATHER. HE SENT BLOOD RAIN DOWN TO MOURN HIS SON SARPEDON WHO WAS FATED TO DIE.
I know this sounds like I hate PJO, but I really do like the series. It's fine to like PJO and its characters while also disliking how the gods were portrayed. It's ok.
#percy jackson#pjo#pjo critical#rick riordan critical#rr crit#percy jackson critical#pjo crit#percy jackson crit#Rick Riordan Critical#rick riordan crit#rr critical#rr criticism#PJO discourse#PJO meta#Greek Mythology#Zeus PJO#Athena PJO#Dionysus PJO#Hades PJO#Greek Gods#Demeter PJO#Persephone PJO#Ares PJO#Aphrodite PJO#Hestia PJO#Poseidon PJO#Apollo PJO#Trials of Apollo
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Pagan Gods || SB5
Summary: In the face of his own sins, he had no choice but to kneel and venerate.
cw: just a smut drabble with sebastian vettel
a/n: That doesn't mean my return yet, just thoughts about Sebastian Vettel that Twitter has been feeding in me (the things I would let Seb do to me)
•• 🇧🇷 ••
He knew it was a way for him to pay for all his sins. Lewis had warned him:
“Brazilian women are different, you are not prepared for them.”
And he wasn't, Y/N passed through his life like a hurricane, shaking his convictions, snatching a space that not even he knew was vacant. When Sebastian realized, he was on his knees for her, worshiping her as if she were a goddess, a pagan deity that needed to be worshipped every day, forever. And nothing would give him more pleasure than being on his knees for her, for her. Only Y/N and his car were capable of making him fall.
He had just won the 2012 championship, the world was once again, under the tires of his car, the team wanted to celebrate with him, his parents outside, wanting to congratulate him on the victory, journalists wanted to interview him, but Sebaatian just wanted those legs to suffocate him again.
“Seb, f-fuck,” she gasped, pulling at the blond curls under her summer dress, trembling with each stroke of his tongue against her clit. Sebastian didn't even give her time to lie down, or sit up; he pushed her against the wall, fell to his knees in front of her and like a starving man, ripped her panties off and ate her. “Holy God, s-slow down Sebastian!”
“So fucking good, puppe” he grunted, licking her taste from his mouth.
He looked at her, trembling, panting and sweaty, shining as only paradise could look. “Moan softly, love… I don't want anyone hearing my wife moaning while I make her cum,” he ordered, grabbing her pussy again. Y/N opened her mouth, only a soft whisper escaping her lips, the orgasm growing in her womb like a huge wave. Sebastian didn't let her think, react or even breathe. It all came down to his mouth sucking her clit as if it were the last thing he could do. She closed her eyes, letting her body melt under his attack, and dear God, she was burning.
Without her being able to think, Sebastian pushed her to the small bed and lifted her dress until Y/N was almost naked before him.
He leaned over her, licking the Brazilian's hard nipples, loving her pleading moans. He opened the jumpsuit in a hurry and got between his girlfriend's hot, wet folds. She sank her nails into his back, grinding with every inch. of his cock that entered. he kissed her, giving her everything he had, his love, his devotion, the world he had just won, Y/N was a goddess and he was her faithful, her acolyte, a profane god ready to put everything at her disposal, including her right there.
#sebastian vettel x reader#sv5 x reader#sebastian vettel#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#f1 smut#Sebastian Vettel x you#Sebastian Vettel drabble#smut drabble#formula 1 smut
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Offerings: What's, How's, When's, and Why's
Below are some of the most common questions regarding offerings!
Disclaimer: Long post. This is based on my experience and research. I don't claim to know the absolute truth.
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TL,DR: A lot of things about offerings are flexible, subjective, and depend on culture, personal beliefs, and mundane constraints. While there are general considerations and guidelines, you will always have to do deeper research in order for the offerings to fit what you are doing and what is within your reach.
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Why make Offerings?
There are many ways to see offerings and it can vary depending on personal beliefs and religion. Some of the most common reasons people make them:
Energy exchange: you give something to receive something. This can be seen as payment, fair trade or as a way to keep balance.
Thanksgiving: you give offerings as a way of giving thanks
Honoring: you give offerings as a way to pay respect
All of the above
When to make Offerings?
It is advisable to make offerings whenever you are doing spiritual work with any kind of spirit. You can make the offering before, during or after your work.
You can also make offerings a standalone thing for praising, honoring or thanksgiving spiritual beings.
What happens to the offerings? "Why do spiritual beings need food"?
Spiritual beings also use energy. Just as you use energy to do any activity, spirits also use energy for their own purposes. When you make an offering you are offering them energy, just as when you eat you are fueling your organic needs.
If you are asking a spirit to help you they may even use the energy from your offerings to fuel the magic needed for what you asked.
They don't need energy to live like we do (they don't die), but we all use energy in some way for some purpose. When you give proper offerings, aligned with the energy you need and the type of work, you can make your magickal workings stronger and develop deeper bonds with the spirits.
The spirits are not going to literally eat food you give them, but you may notice changes in "how it feels/looks like" that are subtle.
For example, when I was a child my parents pointed out that when flowers (such as a rose) are used in strong, successful magical workings they dry after a while but the petals don't fall. It tends to preserve its original aspect.
Of course, it's not an exact science, but you may observe some weird things.
How long should I leave offerings out?
Depends. Some rituals and traditions may ask you to leave them for a few days, some are to be consumed during or after the ritual. If not specified you may leave them for a day or dispose of them the next morning. Non-organic offerings may stay at the altar indefinitely or for long periods of time before being dispatched.
How to dispose of offerings?
This varies with culture and religious beliefs, so look for what was traditionally considered respectful. However, it's also important to take into account your reality, and if you are in doubt you can try to ask the spirits themselves what is the ideal way of disposing of them.
Some cultures bury their offerings. For example, in hellenic paganism it is (traditionally) believed offerings to chthonic deities should be buried and never eaten.
Some cultures don't mind you eating and/or drinking the offerings yourself after the rite is done. In Kemeticism (again, traditionally) eating offerings is preferred as to not waste food. If you are under financial constraints and cannot afford to throw away food this can be a good way of giving offerings while also avoiding waste. Of course this only applies to edible offerings, eaten right after you are done with your ritual. Please don't ingest anything that could be spoiled, illegal (such as underage alcohol consumption) or toxic.
Leaving it in a clean space in nature. This can be controversial and/or illegal depending on where you live and what you are disposing of, so make sure to get that checked out. In some cultures it is traditional to dispose of offerings even if they contain non-organic matter, but I advocate for only disposing in nature organic, non-toxic offerings. Times have changed, nowadays we must be more responsible of what we throw in nature and the effects it can cause.
An alternative to disposing in nature is to dispose of it on garden plants, if you have them, or re-use what would be wasted in some way. This can be an option for smaller offerings and folks with location restraints.
Dispose of them in the garbage. This can be controversial but I don't see it as an issue. If someone has something that makes the other options impossible or a big hassle, should they just not give offerings? I personally don't think so. Anyone is welcome to disagree, but respect the reality of other folks.
Non-organic, devotional offerings may also be kept in your house or garden in a dedicated/sacred space.
Offerings can also be burned. Always be careful handling fire, be aware of accidents and make sure to do research about what you are burning since some things can release toxic chemicals when burned.
Side note on eating offerings: Some spiritual beings like to share food and drink with you as a way of bonding and celebration. In some cultures, it is traditional to share in food and drink for specific rituals. It also may not always be appropriate to eat food on certain occasions.
What to offer?
The most traditional offerings are that of food and I personally like these the most. However, offerings are not restrained to that! You can even give them a more devotional meaning by, for example, offering an action, a song, art (poems, pictures, dance, etc), incense, a candle, water, or your time and energy.
Some offerings are pretty generalist and work for a lot of stuff, such as water, candles, bread, flowers and fruits. You can use these when you are short on supplies or when you are not entirely sure what you should offer.
But ideally you will want to offer something whose energy aligns with your purpose and the spiritual being you are working with. For example, you could offer lilies or white roses if you are doing work associated with peacefulness, but if you want passion you might want to pick red roses and cinnamon instead.
There will be times where you will have to improvise. You don't have to go without giving an offering just because you don't have exactly what you wanted to use. Yes it's better to have everything aligned, but sometimes you may feel the urge to do an offering at an inopportune time and you'll need to be flexible. This is why it's always good to have some generalist ingredients laying around.
How to make offerings?
Again, this can vary with culture and religion. You will have to find out what is the best way for your culture and beliefs.
But if you are unsure, here is a general setup:
Gather your offerings and everything you'll need for what you're doing.
Ideally cleanse and protect yourself and the environment you're in. If you have a space dedicated for offerings it's even better.
Remember you can give offerings before, during or after spiritual workings. Know at which point of the process you'll make the offering before you get started.
When you are ready to make your offering, start by saying a prayer and/or saying a few words. Try to tune in with the energy you are making the offering for. Here you can declare why you are making this offering and what you want (if applicable). Remember offerings have many uses, so here you can give praise, express your thanks and/or petition something to the forces you are making the offering for.
After making the offering you can meditate and try to tune in with spirits and what they feel. You can try talking to them. You can also carry on with whatever you planned to do.
Finish your ritual in a way you see fit and thank the spiritual beings involved.
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Final considerations!
Please, PLEASE make sure what you are offering and disposing of is LEGAL to acquire and dispose of.
Be conscious about the environment .
There needs to be a balance between honoring tradition and your reality living in the modern era.
To give offerings is to give energy. Make sure you are "feeding" the right spiritual beings, and not just being exploited for energy. Protections first, offerings later.
Be mindful of any potential accidents, especially concerning fire, children and pets. Be careful with potentially toxic offerings accessible to children, pets and wildlife.
Thank you for reading and best of luck in your practice ♡
#offerings#long post#witchcraft#paganism#magick#witchblr#spirit work#deity work#deity worship#witch tips#baby witch#paganblr#pagan tips
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Nachash || jhs
Pairing: Hoseok x Reader (ft. Taehyung) Genre: Supernatural AU, Demon!Hoseok, Med Student!Reader, Smut, One night stand, Angst, Horror AU, Incubus! Hoseok, 90s AU, Yandere!AU Rating: 18+ (don’t interact if you’re a minor) Word Count: 21.4k+ Summary: After the loss of both of her parents, Y/N decided to sell their home in Florida and move back to New York City, a place that she has little memories of despite 10 years of living in Harlem. Her world begins to shift, and she starts to lose sight of dreams and reality, and at the center of it all is Hoseok, a sweet man who gives her a strange sense of deja vu, but she can’t help but wonder if he is who he says he is and why a strange bar keeps popping up in her nightmares. Warnings: Strong language, bad medical terminology (I tried), Hoseok has a demon side (like physically different), main character (somewhat) death (graphic), graphic violence, reader slowly losing her mind, heavy religious themes in a large chunk of this, explicit sexual content, vaginal fingering, dirty talk, rough sex, manhandling, hard dom Hoseok, so much blood, low-key a yandere but not really, blood play, blood drinking, begging for life, extreme emotional manipulation, growling, over stimulation, unprotected sex (wrap it up), DARK ENDING, dubious consent (mind control/mood control/literally cannot leave Hoseok's presence), reader is severely mentally ill by the end of this, demonic possession, Stockholm syndrome, this is not a cute demon romance, read at your own risk, stopping here since there’s a lot just let me know if I missed anything A/N: After posting a teaser for this fic two years ago, I finally got around to finishing it! I’m still working on my smut skills, so I apologize in advance, but I hope you can get down with my favorite (and extremely evil) demon man. Happy Halloween (or, to my fellow Pagans, Happy Samhain)!
Prologue || Listen to the Playlist || Cross posted on AO3: here
Nachash (noun) "snake; serpent". Derived from the Hebrew root n-ch-sh.
July 1997
"How are you feeling?"
I sighed, pulling open another box. Unpacking was always the worst part of moving, like some cosmic joke designed to break you down piece by piece. Plates stared back at me from the box, and I clenched my jaw. The one on top was chipped—another thing on my growing list of replacements. I pulled it out and set it aside, determined to deal with it later. The rest of the plates went away in the cabinet. The broken one would be tossed.
"I don't know," I confessed. "Mom died. I'm everywhere."
My brother's hum of acknowledgment was all I heard. Miles had always been a quiet, distant sort, barely speaking to our parents. Their deaths hit him hard, but more so with Dad than Mom. Dad had been the stable one, while Mom was a relentless storm—never satisfied, constantly pushing, always demanding. To her, a doctor and a lawyer weren't enough. Miles had always seen her as aggressive, unyielding, and ever discontented. And Dad? Well, his complacency had its own way of grating.
Miles had moved to Oregon right after graduating from FSU, never looking back. We'd made the trek to see him a few times, but he'd never returned the favor. My stint in New York had mended our relationship somewhat. He visited frequently and spent his summers with me, and after Dad passed, he made a point to see Mom at least once a year. I didn't mind the trips to Portland; my Jacksonville home had become his family's vacation spot.
"So am I," he said, his voice betraying a hint of fatigue.
They'd been at each other's throats, arguing constantly, with his wife loathing Mom. Yet, I knew Miles held some affection for her despite their tumultuous relationship. He'd never truly made her proud, and that haunted him. I understood, but when I moved back home, the dynamics shifted. Mom used me as a weapon against Miles, making me the favored child, the one who came back. Miles was the ungrateful one who'd married the wrong woman.
Mom always blamed Trinity for Miles' "bad attitude." Dad knew better. I knew better.
"So," Miles shifted gears, "when can we come and visit?"
I smiled, "I'll be out there for Thanksgiving and Christmas. So maybe next summer?"
"That's a long wait."
I chuckled, "Well, Rory starts school this year and Trinity's pregnant. You're just as busy as I am."
I'd been the one with the most on my plate for years. Mom, a real estate agent, rarely left home, while Dad ran a plumbing company. When Miles went to college, I was knee-deep in medical school applications. During my residency, Miles was grinding through law school. When I moved back to Florida, I was buried in ICU shifts while he graduated and started his own practice. He met Trinity, and the two became inseparable. Mom despised her, but I saw how they brought out the best in each other. My career-driven life had left me disconnected, and while Mom reveled in it, I resented it.
Kids changed everything for them. Aurora was their miracle baby. Trinity had struggled with fertility for years, and when they finally had a child, it was as if their world had transformed. My brother was spent, and Mom's resentment boiled over. She was always bitter that they hadn't uprooted their lives back to Florida for the grandchild. By then, Miles didn't care. He'd made the trips for Dad but after Mom's cruel comments about Trinity's weight and their daughter being "too pretty" to be her granddaughter, Aurora never set foot in the family home again.
"Aurora is driving me crazy," Miles groaned. "She won't stop talking about the baby."
"As a big sister, I can tell you she's just being a normal kid."
"I know that," I could almost hear his eye roll. "I'm just worried. It's still early, and I don't want her hopes to get too high. Trinity's scared of another miscarriage."
It would be her sixth.
"Try to stay positive, bub," I bit my lip, surveying the cluttered room. I'd never finish today. "If it happens, it happens. But don't go into it expecting the worst."
"Between Mom and this…" He trailed off.
I understood his fear. Trinity was a few years older than me, and her anxiety was palpable. At 38, any pregnancy brought its own set of worries. Last I heard, Trinity was considering getting her tubes tied if this one didn't make it. The heartache was becoming unbearable.
"Hey," I kept my tone gentle, knowing that riling him up wouldn't help. "Keep your head up. Her next appointment is soon. Ensure she's sticking to bedrest, and you'll be fine."
"What if it happens again?"
My heart broke for him. Miles had always been the rock, the one who seemed unshakeable. Seeing him this vulnerable starkly contrasted with the angry kid he'd been in high school. Mom had pushed his buttons mercilessly, and I had vague memories of our squabbles, but they paled compared to the constant battles he faced with her.
I wondered if he ever grasped how I felt. He always thought Mom liked me more, but it was more about her being able to overlook me. While he fought for her attention, nothing I did ever really mattered. It was like a fog followed me, obscuring me from their view. Sometimes, it would lift, and Mom would acknowledge me, but then it would return, and I was forgotten.
"You'll get through it," I assured him.
We chatted a bit more. Aurora was excited about kindergarten and had picked out new uniforms. She was obsessed with Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, and her new backpack reflected that. She'd even given her Prince Wednesday stuffed animal to the baby. It was everyday family life, but the emptiness in my chest grew. I longed for laughter and the innocent joy of children in my home.
"Trinity's calling me," Miles said, his voice muffled by distance.
"I'll talk to you later. Love you."
"Love you too, sissy."
I smiled faintly, "Later."
He hung up before I could say anything else. I glanced around the room, eyes narrowing at the boxes that seemed to taunt me with their mere existence. All of them were my own—mainly books, a few other odds and ends. The sadness that gripped me was relentless. I'd always had the most demanding job, the tightest schedule, and the deepest insecurities. Miles was angry, and I was desperate to be seen, so much so that I followed every command without question. Now, here I was, alone, surrounded by regret.
Dating felt like a cruel joke. My time in New York had alienated me more than anything else. That fog of invisibility from my childhood had returned with a vengeance. Coworkers would barely look at me for over a second; people on the street seemed oblivious to my presence and dates. They always ended badly. They weren't evil men but would forget my name within seconds. It felt like I wasn't real, like I existed on some other plane.
The only person who seemed to remember I existed anymore was my brother and his family. Dad's Alzheimer's had robbed him of any memory of us before he passed. Mom, too incoherent at Hospice, never stayed awake long enough to acknowledge my presence. Sometimes, it felt like Miles would momentarily forget me, only for my name to pop into his mind at predictable intervals—like clockwork, only calling on specific days and times, usually if he was planning a trip. It upset me more than I could recall, but now I wondered why.
"This place won't unpack itself," I muttered aloud.
I'd talked to myself so much it felt almost normal. I knew I needed to make friends, that without connections, I'd end up as lonely as my father, but the idea seemed futile. No one saw me clearly. No one ever had. When I searched my memories for anyone who had seen me, I came up empty. No one had ever really seen me. No one ever would. Instinctively, I knew this despite the facade of normalcy I tried to maintain. I had a job, a family, a house. I wasn't haunted. Or… maybe I was just being childish. I was simply forgettable, unremarkable. This I knew.
"I exist," I whispered, the words reverberating loudly in the stillness of my apartment.
The silence that pervaded my life mocked me with its omnipresence.
"How the hell do you get lost in a bar?"
"It's a lounge, sha," came a voice behind me.
What a peculiar dream. I took a bite of my sandwich, returning to the rude awakening that morning. I rarely remembered my dreams, if I had them at all. But last night had been different. I'd found myself in a dimly lit room with a man I couldn't recall clearly, dressed in white and speaking with an accent I couldn't place. I woke up before anything significant happened. The dream had been woefully uneventful.
The floor was almost eerily quiet tonight. Aside from the constant beeps and monitors scattered around and George Gilmore in room 11 watching football, no one spoke. The nurses here seemed less lively than I was accustomed to, their faces vacant, their words few. I kept to my small office most of the night, avoiding their station.
We'd had one death so far—a patient with a DNR who suffered a stroke shortly after midnight. Another woman had been pronounced brain-dead an hour ago. We'd wait until tomorrow to pull the plug, so her daughter could say goodbye. I didn't count her in my tally. The night crew had a way of seeing me even less than the others, and I didn't like them much.
"Hello, Doctor."
I jumped, startled. At least he had the decency to look sheepish. My irritation took me by surprise. I wasn't typically agitated; my feelings were either muted or overwhelming. He pushed his hair back, revealing messy chocolate brown locks, and held a clipboard stained with dubious marks.
"Sorry," he mumbled, shifting awkwardly under my gaze. I was already weary of his presence. "I was told you were new and thought I should introduce myself before leaving for the night. I'm Damon Glass, one of the anesthesiologists."
"Y/N Y/L/N," I replied, my voice flat and uninviting. "Nice to meet you."
"Likewise," he smiled, showing a gap between his front teeth that reminded me of my father's. It was a rare sight among people my age. "If you need anything, don't hesitate to come to me. Dr. Whitlock is on the floor, and I believe Morgan Fletcher is on call."
I nodded, appreciating the information but ready for him to leave. My distaste had faded, but I preferred brevity in conversations, especially with outsiders. I disliked the feeling of interacting with them. It was why I preferred dealing with the nearly dead; they rarely spoke, and when they did, I knew they'd be too medicated to remember much. The families were more accessible to handle than the ones back in Florida.
It was odd how my thoughts could veer into such morbid territories. Almost as morbid as my enjoyment of overseeing dying patients. It was not as macabre as my unbidden glee at my mother's death alongside my brother, but it ranked high on my list of flaws.
"Have a good night," I said, returning to my computer to refresh my emails.
Dr. Glass seemed to take the hint, leaving with an awkward smile and wave.
August 1997
I stood outside the door, the muffled sounds of grief seeping through the walls like a relentless, jagged current. The family's sorrow was palpable, a heavy fog that followed me down the hallway. I hoped to catch them in a better moment, but the cruel truth of this place was that better moments were rare. With a resigned breath, I raised my hand and knocked. The room fell silent, and a strained voice called out, allowing me to enter.
Elizabeth Fraiser had lived a life filled with grace and elegance. Once a dancer whose feet had carried her across Europe's stages, she met her husband in Paris and married him there. They had settled in New York, where her days of ballet had given way to a quieter role as a ballet instructor in Jersey. She had raised a family, and her pride in her children was as evident as her passion for dance. She spoke of them with a joy that contrasted sharply with the emptiness of my own mother's words.
Now, Elizabeth was in the late stages of lung cancer. Her family had clung to the hope of letting her pass away at home, but the relentless pneumonia and ceaseless pain had pushed them to make the difficult decision to admit her here. Her condition had worsened sharply today, and her family was struggling to cope with the harsh reality.
"Good afternoon," I said softly, a gentle murmur in the oppressive silence.
"Nice to see you," Elizabeth's oldest son, Elijah, managed a weak smile. We both knew he wasn't fond of doctors, but he tolerated me because I didn't overstay my welcome. "Mom's been sleeping for a while."
I stifled a sigh. Her body was crumbling, and delivering bad news was never easy. The small comfort was knowing she would soon feel nothing at all. We planned to increase her morphine dosage and withdraw all other medications. Her family would need to agree, but I wasn't too concerned. Mary, her daughter, had debated extending her mother's life with her brothers.
"We're really at the end, aren't we?" Mary's voice was strained, her husband's arm around her for support. Among them, she was the calmest, but the edges of her composure were frayed. Her eyes were red, testimony to her unrelenting tears. "Will she be in pain?"
I explained our focus on alleviating her suffering. She would be less coherent in the coming days but occasionally rouse enough to interact with them between doses. We aimed to ensure she had the utmost comfort and relief in her final days. The youngest Percy took the news hardest and had to excuse himself. I held Mary's hand, appreciating the warmth of human connection. I prided myself on my bedside manner.
"I know home care wasn't ideal for you," I broached delicately, aware of their crowded lives and young children. "But I'm offering it as an option. Respite care is also available, though I understand it was stressful before. It's worth discussing."
Elijah shook his head firmly. Mary hesitated, but her husband's reminder to care for herself and their baby swayed her. Percy's wife raised concerns about her own health, cementing the decision. Elizabeth would remain with us in her final days. It was probably for the best—she was too frail and in too much agony without constant medication.
"Let me know if you need anything," I said, glancing at the family. The nurses are always available, and I'm on call until six. Is there anything I can get you before I leave?"
"Mom needs a bath," Percy reentered the room. A nurse had come by earlier, asking if we were ready to step out. Let them know they could come in."
The rest of my shift dragged on. Other families were terse and uncommunicative, and their responses were minimal. I understood their grief, but it did little to ease my weary spirit. The nurses seemed as disinterested in me as ever. I had long since given up trying to connect with them.
The air outside was crisp, almost biting. I walked to the subway, the city traffic too maddening to endure. I'd trade bumper-to-bumper frustration for the quirks of the subway any day. Last week, a man in a bunny costume rapped at six in the morning. The week before, a man argued with his reflection in the window. Last night, an elderly woman beside me commented on my disheveled appearance, lamenting that men didn't like that and worrying I'd die alone. I barely remember if I responded. I hated talking on the subway; her parting insult had stung me.
Tonight promised to be different. I left the hospital later than usual, after two code blues and an injury report for a nurse. Overdue paperwork and an insurance squabble later, it was past eight when I left. My walk was short, and the wait at the terminal was OK, but the train didn't arrive until 9:30. When I finally boarded, the car was almost empty.
Then a group of men entered. They were rowdy, pushing each other, their drunkenness a stifling cloud. I almost moved when they sat too close, but I didn't want to draw attention. I could feel their eyes on me. I clutched my bag tightly, fingers brushing the can of pepper spray hooked to its strap. I was almost home. Just three more stops.
"Hey," one of the men called out. I ignored him. "Hey, you."
I hated the subway.
"Leave her alone."
That voice caught my attention. I knew it—or thought I did. When I looked up, I was met with a stranger, yet his presence felt oddly familiar. He was striking, with tanned skin and sharp features that made his brown eyes stand out under the harsh fluorescent lights. He took the seat beside mine, and I didn't stop him. The men were back to their raucous laughter, and I was forgotten. I relaxed slightly, hoping to remain unnoticed.
"Sorry about them," he said, his warm and soothing voice a gentle tenor that evoked a sense of nostalgia. "Are you OK?"
I nodded, unable to meet his gaze. Something about him tugged at the edges of my memory, yet he wasn't a celebrity, and I was sure I'd never met him before. Perhaps we'd crossed paths on the subway? My brain was playing tricks on me.
"Yes," I said softly. "Thank you."
Despite myself, I stole glances at him. I had to remind myself to breathe when I ventured past his neck. He was slender, but there was a subtle strength beneath his clothes. If he noticed my scrutiny, he said nothing. He returned to his book, but I was convinced that his eyes were still on me when I finally looked away.
I jolted awake, my body wracked with shivers despite the suffocating warmth of the blanket. The room was deathly silent, save for the moonlight streaming through the window like a spotlight on a stage set for a performance I never auditioned for. I rolled over, trying to bury myself deeper into the cocoon of my blanket, but then I heard it—a voice, soft and faint, yet carrying an unsettling authority.
“Oh, Y/N,” the voice crooned, dripping with a sinister allure. “It’s time. Come to me.”
Confusion and dread clawed at my insides as I stumbled out of bed. The room was a far cry from my own—stone walls, thick and oppressive, casting shadows that seemed to dance with malevolent glee. The floor beneath my feet was icy, a stark contrast to the comfort of my bed. My nightgown, white and delicate, felt like a mockery in this alien environment.
This wasn’t my room.
The voice came again, seductive and commanding. “Y/N, come out, come out, now. I’m waiting for you.”
Compelled, I moved to the window. Below, in the moonlit expanse of the lawn, stood the man from the subway. His face was eerily illuminated, his head tilted back as if inviting me to join him in the darkness below. His eyes—glowing a brilliant gold—seemed to reach out to me, promising unspeakable things if only I would take the leap.
I couldn’t tear my gaze away. He raised a hand, crooking a finger in a silent invitation. It was as if an invisible thread was pulling me toward him. Entranced, my feet moved on their own accord. Barefoot, the cold stone beneath me was a cruel contrast to the warmth I’d just left behind. I wandered through hallways and passages that felt simultaneously foreign and intimately known, descending into the shadows where he waited.
As I emerged onto the lawn, his smile made me shiver. He approached, his fingers brushing the side of my face—teasing, tantalizing, yet never quite touching.
“I’ve waited for you for so long,” he murmured, his voice a velvet caress. “So very long. And now, now you’re mine.”
A fragment of my mind screamed in protest, shouting that I didn’t belong to him, that I didn’t even know who he was or why I was here. But a deeper, more primal force tugged at me, pulling me closer until I was nearly touching him. His presence was unsettlingly soothing, and I took a breath, feeling the heat of his gaze.
“That’s right, my lamb, come closer,” he coaxed.
An overwhelming longing surged through me—irrational, illogical, yet so profound that I couldn’t resist. I needed him to touch me, to make the connection complete. I tilted my head to the side, exposing my neck to the moonlight.
He responded immediately, his fingers trailing along my throat, their cool touch sending shivers through me. I gasped, my body lighting up with each delicate brush.
“More,” I heard myself plead, pressing closer.
“Say it,” he demanded, his arms enveloping me in a possessive embrace. “Who do you belong to?”
“You. I’m yours.”
He cradled my head in his hand, leaning in. His lips were smooth against my skin, but his teeth were sharp as they pierced through flesh. I screamed as he drank deeply.
I awoke with a start, sitting up in bed, my hands clutching at my throat, searching for any sign of injury. The skin was intact, unbroken. I took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm my racing heart that felt as though it might burst from my chest.
The lamp flickered on with a click, casting a harsh, unwelcome light that made me squint and shield my eyes. Grabbing my robe and a cup, I shuffled out of the room, the chill of the hallway hitting me like a slap. I closed the door quietly behind me, trying not to disturb the oppressive silence that hung heavy in the air. The bathroom, bathed in the sickly fluorescent glow, was as deserted as I’d hoped.
I filled my cup halfway with water from one of the sinks, then leaned against the cold, sterile tiles, watching my reflection in the mirror as I took slow, deliberate sips. The dream—the one that had shaken me awake—felt so unnervingly real.
I traced the line of my neck with trembling fingers, the blue vein just beneath the surface. What kind of twisted message was my mind trying to send me with that nightmare? It had been a full-on gothic horror—a relic of some crumbling English manor, not the kind of place I ever imagined myself visiting, unless I was buried in a pile of classic literature.
And him. The monster. Even now, as I closed my eyes, I could still see his face—a blend of dark allure and cruel beauty. His eyes, oh, those eyes. They’d held me in thrall, made me willing to surrender to any demand he made. I could almost feel his cold touch, see his smile that promised both ecstasy and agony.
Wasn’t the whole vampire-mother-stuff supposed to be a metaphor for sex? Maybe that’s what my subconscious was trying to shove in my face—sex, or the glaring void where it should have been in my life.
I studied my flushed reflection, feeling the heat in my cheeks. I shook my head, trying to shake off the nightmare’s grip.
The man sat next to me again. It had been a week since I last saw him, and my body still reacted to his presence. Today, I admired his chiseled jawline and elongated face. He was an exquisite oval with a strong profile. This time, he caught me looking and smiled shyly.
"I'm Hoseok."
The name sent a shiver, stirring something familiar and unsettling. I quickly brushed off the uneasy feeling. It was probably my own insecurity.
"Y/N," I replied, unable to tear my gaze away from him.
He resumed reading, and I focused on crocheting a stuffed rabbit for my nephew. Miles had called that morning to update me on Trinity's appointment. The toy wasn't perfect—far from it—but I wanted to give it a try.
"How would you feel about dinner?" Hoseok's voice broke through my thoughts.
I paused my knitting. "I enjoy dinner. Who doesn't?"
He chuckled, a rich, velvety sound that made me blush. "Cheeky."
I bit my lip, unsure if it was a compliment. I felt a pang of embarrassment, struggling to maintain my composure. The first date I'd been asked on since undergrad, and I was fumbling. Miles would have a field day.
"Would you like dinner with me?"
I hesitated. "Yes."
Hoseok's laughter resonated deeply within me, and I felt a jolt of warmth as he slid closer, his knee brushing against mine. He was impossibly warm. Instinctively, I shifted away, uncomfortable with his proximity. There was something off about him, an unsettling vibe that I couldn't quite place.
But then he smiled, and that soft, disarming grin evaporated all my doubts. He was dazzling. My eyes fluttered shut as his cologne enveloped me, weakening my knees. I had to remind myself to breathe. He was captivating.
"Do you like Italian?" he asked, his voice deeper now.
I nodded, struggling to steady my breath. Panic and embarrassment churned within me, but I couldn't ignore the physical response. My mind was flooded with inappropriate thoughts of Hoseok, vivid and intrusive. I gasped, feeling a flush of heat I hadn't experienced in a long time.
"Does two weeks work?"
Snapping out of my daze, I looked at Hoseok and nodded.
"I'm off on the 27th."
He smiled, and I stared at his teeth longer than necessary. They seemed different—sharper, perhaps, with redder gums. I blinked, reassured that they were just as I remembered. My sleep deprivation must be getting to me.
"Meet you here?"
We agreed to meet at six. I'd catch the 5:30 train to ensure I arrived before him. As the subway pulled into my stop, I waved goodbye and stepped out, only to realize I hadn't asked him where we were going. The thought lingered until the following day.
The voice is louder now, sharper, as if it’s cutting through the fog of my half-sleep. “Y/N? I’m waiting for you. Come to me now.”
I hear it, feel the tug of it dragging me towards him, but fear clamps down on me like a vice. My bare feet are numb on the cold, wet grass as I stumble through the twisting maze of hedges, trying to escape the invisible force that pulls me like iron to a magnet.
My breath hitches, coming fast and uneven, as I sprint around corners, the long white gown tangling around my legs and tripping me up. I’m not sure anymore if I’m searching for a way out or if I’m trying to find him.
I turn another corner, my ankle twists and pain shoots through my leg as I crash into an open space—a small, white fountain sits in the middle, surrounded by benches.
Through the flickering light of the moon dancing on the water, I see him. Not a figment of my imagination, but there he is, standing as he promised, waiting.
Hoseok walks towards me with a slow, deliberate grace. He bends, lifting me effortlessly from the mess of my tangled gown and into his arms. I feel a peculiar sense of completeness as he sits on a bench, cradling me like a precious artifact.
“Were you bringing me your gift? Or were you trying to run from me?” His voice is soft, almost tender, and yet it cuts through me. I open my mouth to speak, but no sound comes. I’m lost, adrift in confusion.
I’m mesmerized by his flawless beauty. My fingers move of their own accord, reaching towards his face. That smile returns, and I see the satisfaction in his eyes.
“You may touch me.” His lips part slightly, and I press my fingers against them. His tongue flicks out, wrapping around my fingertip and drawing it into his mouth. Before I can react, I feel a sharp bite.
I gasp as he licks the blood that wells up from the small wound. “A small treat,” he murmurs. “That’s why you came, isn’t it?”
I find myself nodding, helpless under his gaze.
He licks my finger one last time, savoring the taste before swallowing. “They told me you’d be extraordinary, worth every moment of waiting. Yet, your taste is beyond anything I ever dreamed.”
My body reacts to his words and his touch—still innocent but making my skin feel like it’s stretched too tight, like I might explode. I let my head fall back, exposing my neck to him as his tongue traces a path up the sensitive skin.
And then he bites.
I bolt awake, heart pounding as if it might burst from my chest. I fumble in the dark, reaching for the light switch, feeling profoundly alone with Rose away for the weekend.
I throw off the covers and stagger to the mirror, desperately checking my neck. There’s nothing there, no sign of the bite.
A cold shiver runs down my spine. I grab a blanket and a book, and huddle in the hall lounge, surrounded by the harsh light of every lamp and the incessant flicker of the television, trying to drive away the lingering shadows of the nightmare.
September 1997
I eased into my seat, the familiar weight of my bag pressed to my left side and draped an arm over it as if to claim it for my own. It was the first night off from the relentless grind of being on-call since mid-August and the first real night out in years. I’d never been much for the party scene, and medical school had only sharpened that aversion. The last time I went out for drinks was nearly six years ago, a fleeting memory of bar hopping that I’d abandoned early, too exhausted to keep pace with my friends.
Tonight, however, felt different. There was a nagging sense that I was misremembering that long-ago night, like a foggy half-remembered dream where something vital was missing. My life in New York had become a blur of medical texts and sleepless shifts, the grueling 24-hour days erasing the finer details of my existence. My final year had been a carousel of discomfort, but the specifics eluded me, lost in exhaustion. Perhaps a creep of some sort, some misguided doctor with a name I couldn’t quite grasp—maybe that’s what had soured my memory.
I pulled out my phone and scrolled to find Hoseok’s contact. The old SeaTAC was still a relic of the past, but I clung to it out of stubborn habit. Despite its age, it was a lifeline to the outside world, a way to escape the pager’s relentless beeping. I longed for the day when I could toss the landline, but the cost of cell phone minutes constantly reminded me of its importance. With his endless chatter, Miles made sure I burned through those minutes with alarming frequency.
“Hello?” Hoseok’s voice was silky, a comforting balm after a long stretch of clinical detachment.
“Hey,” I breathed, trying to keep my voice steady. “Just got on.”
“See you soon,” he said, his tone warm and reassuring. I could almost picture the smile on his face, and it made me smile in return. His words seemed more benign over the phone, starkly contrasting the intensity of our recent encounters. “Save my spot.”
The car was beginning to fill up, Friday night revelers claiming their space, making it nearly impossible to save a seat. I promised I’d try, even as I felt the crushing inevitability of the crowd. His chuckle was soft, almost intimate.
“Thank you, sweet girl.”
I bit my lip, the endearment both flattering and unsettling. A tiny voice in my head cautioned me, even though Hoseok had never used his terms of affection demeaningly. The voice grew louder when he wasn’t around, whispering warnings I couldn’t entirely dismiss. It was strange, this constant inner debate.
“I’m going to hang up,” Hoseok said, his voice a sensual murmur. I moved the phone away from my ear, puzzled by the seductive undertone. Was he implying something more?
Was I expecting more from tonight?
“I’m running up my minutes,” he laughed, breaking the spell of my thoughts.
“Oh,” I blinked, snapping out of my reverie. “Sorry. See you in a bit.”
The recurring dreams of him were becoming a distraction. My nights were plagued with vivid, unsettling fantasies, leaving me restless and frazzled. I wiggled in my seat, pressing my thighs together to quell the unsettling arousal. Reality would surely disappoint, no matter how compelling he seemed in my dreams. I resolved to hold off on sex for now. I didn’t want to tarnish his allure with premature intimacy.
“Why did you want to be a doctor?” Hoseok asked, his fingers entwining with mine.
The wine started hitting, and the night air was crisp against my skin. Hoseok was the perfect gentleman; the evening was a beautiful respite from my routine. I leaned into him, feeling the warmth of his body, and sighed.
“I wish I could say it was for noble reasons,” I said, my voice tinged with melancholy. “In truth, I just wanted my family to notice me. I thought graduating medical school would make them see me, but it never quite worked out that way.”
Hoseok hummed thoughtfully beside me. I turned my gaze away, feeling a strange mix of comfort and sadness.
“None of us are perfect,” he said after a pause, his voice low and contemplative. “I’ve made my share of mistakes, and my choices haven’t always been noble.”
I leaned closer, savoring his warmth and intoxicating scent. Despite my fatigue, the night felt lighter, almost magical. He was mesmerizing, and I was drawn to him in a way I hadn’t expected.
“I have a hard time believing that,” I said with a soft grin, snuggling closer.
“Well,” he said, his arm wrapping around my waist, pulling me into his side. “You haven’t had me all to yourself yet.”
A shiver ran down my spine, a curious blend of fear and delight. The night had been a rollercoaster of emotions—enchantment and apprehension intertwined. Hoseok’s smile was disarming, melting away my unease, but I made a mental note to reflect on my feelings once I was alone. He seemed almost too perfect, and that nagging pit in my stomach grew again before vanishing.
“I don’t want the night to end,” Hoseok whispered, his breath warm against my ear as we waited for the train. “I’m having such a good time.”
I smiled, “What kind of girl do you take me for?”
“When can I see you again?” he asked, his voice filled with genuine longing.
“Soon,” I promised. “I’m getting the next few weekends off now that the other fellowship student is starting. My supervisor is trying to get me off every Saturday.”
“It’s a good thing my boss is flexible,” Hoseok purred, causing my heart to race. “Otherwise, I’d never get to spend time with you.”
I wanted to be annoyed by his clinginess, to remind him I wasn’t his girlfriend, but instead, I found myself grinning. His words made me feel seen and appreciated. Despite the anxiety he sometimes stirred in me, I was eager to be close to him. He looked at me so intently that I was willing to overlook my reservations. Maybe it was just butterflies?
“Where do you work?” I asked, trying to divert my thoughts.
Hoseok was a bartender at a speakeasy in Manhattan, where he’d worked since it opened. He had hinted at it throughout the evening, teasing me with its obscurity.
“It’s a smaller place,” he said amusedly. “You’ve probably never heard of it.”
“Try me,” I challenged, my heart pounding strangely.
“Dauphine.”
The name hit me like a jolt. Images of dimly lit corridors and crimson hues flashed in my mind. I was sure I’d never been there, but the name stirred a disquieting sense of déjà vu. The dream from July, the man from my dreams—there was a connection, but it eluded me.
As we stood in the bustling, well-lit area, I edged away slightly, unsettled. Hoseok was a charming gentleman, but the name “Dauphine” had ignited an inexplicable dread. Despite his humor and warmth, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he was hiding something—or maybe I was just afraid of what I might find.
I stole a furtive glance at him, and it felt as though I’d known him far longer than the scant time we’d spent together. His face was oddly familiar, like a recurring image in a dream half-remembered. I had met him before, somewhere.
“No, you haven’t,” his voice cut through the night like ice. It was cold, detached, far from the warmth he’d shown me all evening. A shiver snaked down my spine, and I forgot to breathe. His grip on me tightened as though sensing my legs would buckle beneath me. “You’ve never known me before.”
The fierce scowl on his face startled me. His eyes, glowing with an eerie golden light, seemed to burn through me. Everything about him felt otherworldly like he was something less than human. A fragmented memory of a man sitting alone at a bar surged up, only to dissolve into nothingness.
“I am Hoseok,” he whispered, his voice weaving a heavy spell over my senses. “I am your boyfriend. We’ve been together a long time, and we’re in love. You just tripped and hit your head.”
A sudden jolt of pain made me wince and try to pull away from him.
“Does it hurt?” His voice was deceptively tender, and I sighed through the pain.
“Yes,” I groaned, rubbing my forehead. “Does it look bad?”
Hoseok’s grin was unsettling, a blend of fake sympathy and amusement.
“You were lucky this time. Just a barely noticeable red mark.”
I chuckled at my own clumsiness. I wasn’t usually this awkward, but my heel caught on a pavement crack. I gingerly rubbed my ankle and was relieved to find it unscathed. Even my heel had survived.
“Jeez,” I said, looping my arm through his. “I completely forgot what we were talking about.”
Hoseok’s smile broadened, clearly enjoying my disoriented state. I rolled my eyes and reached over to gently tap his chest. He responded by sticking out his tongue, which only made me scoff at his childishness.
“We were talking about work,” I said.
I nodded as if on autopilot. “How’s the bar?”
Hoseok worked at a swanky speakeasy in Manhattan, though I was trying to remember its name. Despite being together for what felt like ages, I had never been there. I was never one for bars, while Hoseok reveled in the place’s gothic charm. The name eluded me again as I tried to recall it.
“Tae’s excited,” he chuckled. “With Halloween around the corner, business will pick up.”
I hummed, my thoughts still lingering on the name. I had thought his boss was Tristan, but I must have misremembered. I shrugged off the nagging thought.
“You should stop by the bar,” I heard myself say, sounding oddly mechanical.
“Sounds fun,” he replied, his tone laced with a predatory edge.
Looking back on that night, it’s almost laughable how easily he swayed me. The way he possessed me was undeniable; soon, he would own every inch of me. Those dreams of him were his twisted way of showing love—how much he craved to touch me, to keep me bound to him. It’s sick and vile, and the thought of what we’d become makes me nauseous, yet to him, it’s love.
“Let’s get you home,” he said, his arm wrapping possessively around my shoulders.
I remember leaning into his side, kissing his cheek as if I was floating. His presence was intoxicating. Even now, I can feel the ghost of his touch and his body's heat. It’s a twisted sort of longing I have for him. This place is cold and dark without him, without his reminders of how much he cares and wants me to scream for him. Here, time stands still, and life continues in a strange loop. I can’t say whether I’m alive or dead, but I know it no longer matters. Once I entered this world, my life ended and began anew. Hoseok made me feel both alive and dead simultaneously.
And as I write this, my heart aches for him. My fingers tremble at the thought of him returning to claim me again. The pain he inflicts makes my heart pound and my stomach clench. I miss him.
It both sickens and excites me.
October 19, 1997
My bones groaned and cracked like ancient floorboards beneath my weight as I fought to catch my breath. Sweat slicked my skin, and I began patting myself down, half-expecting to find something tangible to anchor me to reality. My surroundings slowly came into focus. The harsh fluorescent lights above stung my eyes, but their sterile brightness offered an odd comfort. I was at home, cocooned in thick blankets that had twisted themselves around my legs. The bed beneath me creaked with the effort of supporting my restless form. I sighed, flopping back down, trying to shake off the remnants of the nightmare that still clung to me like a shadow.
The dreams had become relentless, evolving from vague echoes of past terrors into something far more insidious. These weren't fueled by mere fear but by an overwhelming, consuming desire that felt dangerously close to swallowing me whole. The weekends were the worst, and after seeing Hoseok, they had turned almost infernal. He was always there in my dreams, his skin smooth and flawless, his deep brown eyes burning into mine with an intensity that left me gasping for air.
Every time I closed my eyes, his image flickered behind my eyelids like a dark, seductive film. The scenes always ended the same way: I would climax, my body convulsing in a fevered rhythm, while I looked up to see his face contorted in ecstasy. His deep, guttural groans would reverberate through me as his grip tightened on my skin. He would finish inside me, and my spent body would collapse beneath him. He would drape himself over me, showering my chest with tender, lingering kisses. The setting varied—my bed, a chilling, unfamiliar void, or a dimly lit lounge—but the conclusion was always the same.
With a sigh, I fumbled for my phone, my fingers brushing the cool surface. An email from Hoseok awaited me, and a smile crept across my face despite the haze of exhaustion. He was the epitome of a perfect gentleman—never pushing beyond my boundaries, never demanding more than I was willing to give, always accommodating his schedule to mine. Even in matters of intimacy, something many men would aggressively pursue, he always respected my pace. In the hectic blur of the past month, we hadn’t had a moment alone. He hadn’t even broached the topic. As I thought about it, I couldn't recall the last time we'd been intimate outside of these dreams.
From: Hoseok Jung Subject: All Hallows Eve Date: October 19, 1997: 03:05 To: Y/N Y/L/N Good morning, love, I'm sorry for the early message, especially since this is one of your rare mornings off. I hope I didn't wake you. I'm heading home from work and couldn't stop thinking about you. Taehyung is throwing a simple Halloween party this year, and luckily, it falls on a Friday. Would you like to join me? I think it could be a lot of fun. I love you. Hobi
I grinned and began typing my reply.
From: Y/N Y/L/N Subject: RE: All Hallows Eve Date: October 19, 1997: 04:15 To: Hoseok Jung Hobi, Don't worry, you didn't wake me. I was tangled up in strange dreams and was deep asleep when your email arrived. Sadly, I doubt I'll fall back asleep anytime soon, so I plan on catching up on Buffy or Beyond Belief—whichever's on. Hopefully, I won't get stuck with reruns of Seinfeld, not really my thing. Lucky for me, I'm working mornings this week. I'd love to come to your party. Call me when you wake up. Love you, too. Y/N Y/L/N, M.D. Palliative Care Physician, New York-Presbyterian Hospital
It barely registered that, to my knowledge, I had never said "I love you" to him before. I had never really pondered the oddity of our relationship. My memories of our time together were a disorienting blur, but I never questioned it. It wasn't entirely my fault—he had ensnared me, body and soul, and any unresolved threads might make it harder for him to maintain control. Regardless of our tangled history or how elusive it seemed; I was simply glad he wanted to see me at that moment.
I lay huddled in my bed, my body a coiled spring of anticipation, each nerve ending tingling with the foreboding that had stalked me all day. His voice had been a persistent whisper, a sultry hum that turned my name into a haunting lullaby. It was a melody wrapped in an insatiable longing, a caress of words that promised more than I dared to imagine.
Tonight, I wanted to resist. I tried to muster the strength to ignore the insidious pull, that relentless tug drawing me toward him like a moth to a flame. The very idea of defying him churned my stomach with a nauseous dread. But the threads of his influence were woven so tightly around me, it felt like trying to escape from silken chains.
Then it came, cutting through the murkiness of my thoughts like a scythe. His voice, now sharper, more insistent, shattered the fragile veneer of my resistance.
“Y/N. Come to me now.”
With a sudden jolt, the pretense of defiance evaporated. I threw off the blankets as if they were chains, leaping out of bed and flying through the darkened hallway. My feet barely touched the ground as I hurtled down the stairs, each step propelled by an unrelenting force, dragging me inexorably toward him.
He waited for me in the foyer, bathed in an eerie glow that made him look like an apparition from a fevered dream—or perhaps a nightmare. His smile was both welcoming and chilling, a promise wrapped in malice. When he took my hand, his lips brushed against my fingers with a cool, electric touch that set my entire body aflame.
The intensity of my reaction embarrassed me, but he tilted my face up to meet his gaze, shaking his head with a look of almost pity.
“Your blood knows what it wants, my lamb. You must let your mind follow.”
My face burned with fierce heat, but the compulsion pulling me to him was too overpowering to resist. He guided me through the meticulously manicured gardens to a secluded alcove framed by dense, sculpted hedges. He seated himself on a bench, drawing me onto his lap with a practiced grace that made me feel both cherished and helpless. His eyes, dark and unfathomable, never left mine, promising secrets I couldn’t begin to comprehend.
“Are you ready, my lamb?”
Without a second thought, I bared my neck to him. The desperate craving for the bliss and torment of his bite had consumed me completely; waiting was no longer an option.
He lingered, his tongue tracing a tantalizing path along the delicate skin of my throat. The sensation was almost unbearable, and I found myself begging with a voice that sounded alien, strained.
“Please.”
And then he bit.
I shot awake, my heart a frantic drum in my chest. I had fallen asleep hunched over my desk at the hospital, my neck stiff from the awkward angle. Rubbing away the ache, I cursed the book that had plagued me with such vivid nightmares. I needed to talk to my brother again; this couldn’t be anything but a cruel trick of the mind.
The glowing digits on my alarm clock mocked me with their late hour. I stood up, stretching and feeling my heartbeat slowly return to normal. I changed into a t-shirt and shuffled toward the bed, determined to banish the lingering unease.
As I passed the window, something froze me in place. I looked down into the parking lot and saw him standing under a flickering lamppost, his gaze locked onto mine with a predatory intensity that made my blood run cold.
It was Hoseok—or at least, it looked like him. But the resemblance was grotesquely twisted. His eyes glowed with an otherworldly light, a sickly luminescence that cut through the night like a malevolent beacon. His skin was peeling away in ragged strips, as if he were shedding himself like a decaying husk. This was no longer my Hoseok. He was a creature of nightmares, a monster forged from my darkest fears.
My fingers clung to the windowsill as I stared, my body paralyzed by the overwhelming urge to run to him, to give in to the magnetic pull of his presence. I watched as his lips moved, shaping a single word that seemed to echo through the chill of the night.
“Soon.”
I gasped, my breath catching in my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing the vision to vanish. When I opened them again, the parking lot was empty, the lamppost casting its pallid light over a sea of unmoving cars. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, snatched my blanket and pillow, and stumbled back to the on-call room, desperate to escape the sinister call that still haunted the dark corners of my mind.
October 28, 1997
"What should I do?" the nurse asked, her name slipping from my mind like a shadow lost in the night.
"Give them some space," I replied, my gaze fixed resolutely away from the room across the hall. Elizabeth had just passed away, her DNR a cold, ironclad barrier that left no room for last-ditch efforts. Her family needed their final moments with her while we waited for the body to be transported. Mary was still wailing into her husband's chest, and Elijah looked like he'd been dragged through a storm, barely able to stand. Percy stood like a marble statue, his eyes glazed over while his wife clung to him. The sight of Percy’s frozen, unseeing expression twisted my gut in a way I couldn’t ignore. It reminded me too much of what I feared—and I needed to escape the suffocating atmosphere of grief.
"Should we get them out of the room?" another nurse asked, her thick southern drawl hinting at Memphis. "Seeing her like that can’t be good for their mental well-being."
I shook my head. "Let them have their last moments in peace. Offer condolences and check on them regularly."
I fiddled nervously with my ID card, the familiar unease gnawing at me. My wounds from the day seemed too fresh. Miles surfaced in my thoughts again, and I resolved to call my brother on my way home tonight. Hoseok wasn’t working tonight, so he wouldn’t join me on the subway.
"I'm going to check in with 211," I murmured, watching Percy leave the room, clutching his phone like a lifeline. "I’ll be back in 5-10 minutes to see if the family needs anything. Just make them as comfortable as you can."
"You got it, doc."
The subway ride home was a silent affair. My headache throbbed like a relentless drum, and my stomach churned uneasily. The day had been heavy with more deaths than usual. Elizabeth’s family had eventually calmed down, but their kindness on their way out hadn’t eased the knot in my chest. I knew their pain intimately.
I called my brother as I made my way to the subway. Despite his complicated feelings about our mother, he was always supportive. The conversation ended abruptly when Aurora entered the room, demanding his attention. Miles had never truly understood my emotions; I doubted he ever tried.
The short walk home from the subway was a blessing, though the cold night air bit at my skin. I was grateful for the proximity of my apartment, but the streets were alive with noise—tourists laughing, gang members shouting outside their apartment complexes. I was relieved to escape the chaos, though my street wasn’t entirely free of foot traffic. My old apartment in East Harlem had been more of a hustle, with late-night carpooling with a coworker whose name eluded me. I knew it started with an 'A,' but the memory only worsened my headache. I set the thought aside for another time.
After selling the family home in Florida and vacation properties scattered across the country, I’d managed to buy a house on Astro Row at 100th and 30th Street. It was an old building—too expensive for its size, and initially, it seemed far from beautiful. But over time, it grew on me. I loved the brownstones, the front porches, the grand trees, and the quiet streets. I couldn’t imagine leaving. Even the renovations I’d planned were postponed. The charm of the old place had won me over, and I’d made peace with its quirks. I even got along with my neighbor, a small but welcome relief.
Tonight was quieter than usual, and none of my neighbors seemed awake. I missed the old man at the end of the street who used to sit on his porch, sipping coffee and waiting for dawn. It was nearly 4:30 AM. I shrugged and continued; my mind focused on the comfort of my bed.
Fumbling for my keys, I cursed quietly when my pockets were empty. My purse, a cavernous mess of clutter, swallowed everything. As I dug through it, a sudden burst of laughter behind me made me freeze. Two women strolled down the sidewalk, their laughter echoing off the walls. They were both stunning, their pale skin glowing under the moonlight. One of them locked eyes with me, her gaze piercing through the darkness. She looked at me as if she’d seen a ghost, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that she knew me.
"Hello," she said, her voice as light and tinkling as a bell.
"Hi," I replied, feeling strangely off-balance.
The other woman seemed perplexed. Her beauty was almost ethereal, with blonde hair as pale as her skin and eyes as dark as night. Her gaze swept over me with an unmistakable disdain, her teeth bared in a slight sneer. Yet, despite her apparent coldness, she was undeniably beautiful.
"How are you?" the first woman asked, her voice soothing.
"Fine," I responded, my throat dry. "And you?"
The nagging headache intensified as I tried to make sense of the encounter, a sense of déjà vu wrapping around me like a tightening noose. The women moved on, their laughter fading into the night, leaving me with a lingering unease that clung to me like the shadows of my dreams.
She studied me, her face a shifting canvas of emotions before settling into a look of genuine confusion. I tried to place her but struggled. There was something crucial I needed to remember, something just out of reach, but my mind remained stubbornly blank. A frantic urge to call Hoseok seized me.
The realization hit me like a cold slap. Why did I think I needed him? I tried to convince myself I could handle this alone. But deep down, I knew I needed him here. He could make this headache vanish, soothe the gnawing anxiety that had taken root in my chest. I missed him. I loved him. I needed him…
“What's your name?” she asked, her smile both disarming and unsettling, making my thoughts scatter like leaves in a storm.
“Y/N,” I replied, feeling dazed and disconnected.
“Cold night, Y/N,” she purred, her gaze never wavering. “You should get inside.”
I nodded absently, my words failing me as I fumbled with my keys. The blonde woman's giggle, filled with an eerie excitement, made me shiver. I wanted to retreat, to escape this strange encounter. I shoved the key into the lock, eager to shut out the unsettling night.
“Y/N,” the first woman’s voice halted me, her tone chillingly smooth. Neither of them had moved since they stopped. The blonde’s smile remained fixed, and I couldn’t bring myself to meet the other woman’s eyes. “Be careful out here. You never know who’s wandering around.”
I nodded, turning the doorknob, but her voice stopped me again.
“I work at a bar in Midtown,” she said, her words snagging my attention like a hook. I had always known she worked at a bar, but why was it important? “It’s called Dauphine. Ever heard of it?”
Yes, I wanted to say. That place haunted my nightmares, a dark shadow that clung to the edges of my memory. But I couldn’t piece together why. Hoseok would know. He’d make everything better. No, my mind screamed—he’d only make it worse. I couldn’t say how I knew this, but I wanted to listen to the little voice inside me tonight. Something was very wrong.
“You should come by sometime,” she offered. “We’re on 1st and East 54th in the far corner of the Diamond District. If you need anything, just ask for ‘Bootsy.’”
Bootsy…
“Are you okay with cherry liquor?” she asked.
I let go of the doorknob and turned to face them fully. I couldn’t meet either of their eyes. The sensation was all too familiar. I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the answer I didn’t want to hear.
“Do you know Hoseok? He’s my boyfriend.”
The blonde hissed sharply. Bootsy gasped, her face a mask of surprise and something darker, more shadowy. It was clear that Hoseok was connected to these people, tangled up with my memories of New York, the root of all my confusion. I missed him. I loved him. I needed him…
No, I shook my head. Was that what he wanted me to believe? I wasn’t sure anymore.
“Yes,” Bootsy finally replied. “I’ve known him for many, many years.”
Before I could second-guess myself, I slammed the door shut and locked it. The blonde finally moved, stepping away from Bootsy and muttering something I couldn’t catch. She disappeared down the street, leaving me alone with my racing thoughts.
“What’s wrong with me?” I muttered through the door, my voice tinged with desperation.
Bootsy’s response came through with a sorrowful edge. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
I shook my head, my headache pounding with such intensity that I could barely keep my eyes open. “It’s him, isn’t it?” I asked, my voice breaking. “I don’t understand what’s happening. It’s like I remember things but not really, and everything goes blank every time he’s around.”
Bootsy’s eyes, a deep crimson, darted around nervously. They seemed to glow faintly, like a cat’s eyes in the dark. Her dark hair framed her face perfectly, glossy and sleek. Bootsy wasn’t human. What she was, I couldn’t say. But she was somehow tied to the nightmares that plagued me, and Hoseok’s shadow loomed larger than ever.
“He’s a demon,” she whispered hurriedly, her words laced with a fear that seemed almost tangible. “I can’t tell you exactly what he’s done. I’ve never known him to keep someone around for this long, but whatever you’ve done to make him want you seems to have spared your life. You should have died back in ’92 with your friend.”
A friend? Someone else had been involved? Hoseok was a demon? The fragments Bootsy offered were like pieces of a shattered mirror, reflecting a reality I could barely grasp. I believed her, though. I had no reason not to. My memories felt like they were being twisted, distorted by Hoseok’s manipulations.
Then I thought of the creature outside of the hospital and felt my knees go numb. I hadn't hallucinated anything. It was real. It was him. Oh my God.
“We can’t talk for long,” she said, a look of pained urgency on her face. “He won’t sleep for much longer.”
“What can I do?” I begged, clutching my head as if I could squeeze out the pain. It was unbearable. “God, it hurts.”
“Nothing,” Bootsy’s voice trembled. “Hoseok wants you, and he’s never lost a game. It doesn’t matter where you go or what you do; he will win. Whatever you’ve been doing has kept you alive this long, but I don’t know how much time you have left.”
Her words hit me like a tidal wave, crashing over me and dragging me under. I had been a pawn in Hoseok’s twisted game, my life manipulated by his cruel whims. What did he want from me? My body? My soul? The realization was suffocating.
“Go to Dauphine and find Taehyung,” Bootsy instructed, her voice carrying a chilling finality despite its almost maternal tone. “He had a soft spot for you back then. If you’re lucky, he might be able to change you, make you like us. That might be enough to satisfy Hoseok.”
Taehyung. The name cut through the fog in my mind like a beacon, easing the throbbing in my head, if only for a moment. He had haunted my dreams, his image vivid: a white button-up shirt, his gentle hands, his voice firm yet tender, saying he didn’t want to share me. He had left me in that bar, but the details were fuzzy—how or why I had ended up there was a blur. All I knew was that I was lost, and he had once been my guide.
She paused, her eyes darkening with a weighty empathy. “You’d be luckier if Taehyung agrees to end your life before the demon does. I wouldn’t wish this half-life on anyone, nor would I be glad to see you die, but those are your choices. I can’t guarantee you’ll make it through this.”
“What happened in ’92?” I asked, my voice barely more than a whisper, thick with desperation.
Bootsy shook her head, her expression darkening with sorrow. “He killed your friend and tried to lure you away. That's all I know, and I don't have time to explain the rest. The sun’s about to rise, and your demon will be waiting for you to fall asleep. Don’t fight it. Let it happen. If he knows you’re aware of him, he might decide to kill you.”
It felt wrong to just let it happen. What would this mean for me in the end? Would knowing about his influence change anything? I couldn’t be sure, but if I wanted to buy myself time, I had no choice but to take the risk. I needed answers, a plan, anything to regain control.
“Y/N,” Bootsy’s urgent voice cut through my spiraling thoughts. “Your memories won't come back unless he wants them to. Let it go. Either way you'll be dead.”
With those final, haunting words, Bootsy vanished as quickly as she had appeared. The weight of my predicament pressed heavily on my shoulders, my impending doom looming like a dark cloud. I stumbled back to the porch, unlocked the front door, and sought refuge in the sanctuary of my bed. Bootsy’s grim mantra echoed in my mind as I tried to push aside my troubling thoughts about Hoseok, grappling with the uncertainty that lay ahead.
He appeared to me then, in a vision that was both intoxicating and horrifying. His eyes sparkled with a predatory thrill, his touch setting my skin ablaze, igniting waves of pleasure that crashed over me with ruthless intensity. His worship was ceaseless, his lips warm and insistent, as if trying to devour every shred of my resistance. I was swallowed by him, lost in a whirlwind of passion that twisted the love I once felt (at least, I believed I felt) into something darker, more insidious. I missed him. I loved him. I needed him…
Bootsy’s words had struck me like a death knell, sealing my fate in an irreversible descent. She had unwittingly set my downfall into motion, transforming innocent affection into a ravenous lust that consumed every corner of my mind. When I awoke late in the evening, the decision to call off work for the rest of the week came with a grim resignation. The struggle to stay awake was in vain; it was becoming starkly clear how deeply Hoseok’s control had embedded itself within me. The inevitable was no longer a distant threat—it had already begun to unfold, dragging me into its dark embrace.
October 31, 1997
I tugged nervously at my skirt, my fingers trembling despite the cool night air that should have been a relief. The address that had arrived this morning was burned into my mind, glaring at me from the top of the paper—Dauphine, the bar Bootsy had mentioned. My plans were clear: find Bootsy, get directions, speak with this Taehyung, and figure out my options. But the gnawing truth was unavoidable—no matter what I did, it felt like my life was already slipping through my fingers.
Sleep deprivation had become my relentless tormentor. My eyelids felt heavy, weighted down by leaden exhaustion, and my attempts to feign illness to dodge work had morphed into a grim reality. It was a battle to stay awake each day, and I feared that simply making it to this bar would be a Herculean task.
I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to adjust the wig perched precariously on my head. I’d opted for a lazy Halloween costume—a half-hearted Cher from *Clueless*. The yellow plaid blazer was a thrift store find, the skirt a serendipitous discovery. But the wig made me look more like a grotesque caricature than a character. Frustrated, I yanked it off and tossed it onto the floor. I’d have to go without it.
Yawning, I fought the overwhelming urge to collapse back into bed. My cab was on its way, and I had to be ready. I gathered my essentials—purse, house keys, phone, and a spare outfit—preparing for a night that could very well be my last. I steeled myself for the confrontation, even if it felt like a hopeless, losing battle.
My daily struggle with myself had turned into a monotonous grind. My feigned illness had kept Hoseok at a distance, but it had only given me more time to spiral into despair over his influence. My mind was a battleground, where fragments of my past life clashed with the twisted desires he’d implanted in me. Every morning, I awoke to a gnawing need, a desperate craving for him that left me feeling sullied and repulsed.
I stepped outside and drew a shaky breath of the crisp night air. Calling my brother was both a comfort and a torment. There was a chance this could be the last time I spoke to him, and the thought tightened my chest like a vise. I fought back tears as I dialed his number.
“Hello?” Miles answered, his voice warm and familiar.
“Hey,” I forced a cheerful tone, though it felt hollow. “Still out Trick-or-Treating?”
“We just got back,” he said. “Rory wants to talk to you.”
My heart ached at the sound of my niece’s voice. “Hi, Auntie,” she said, her voice sweet as ever. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too, baby,” I sniffled, fighting to keep my voice steady. “Did you have fun?”
“Yeah!” Aurora’s excitement was a bright spot in my darkness. “I was Katerina, mommy was Miss Elaina, and daddy was Daniel Tiger.”
“That sounds amazing,” I wiped away my tears. “What about your baby brother?”
Aurora’s voice took on a scolding tone. “His name is Corbin, Auntie,” she said as though I should have known better. “He’s still in mommy’s belly, so he wasn’t anything. Mommy’s giving him candy.”
I laughed, though it was tinged with sadness. “How’s your mommy?”
“She says ‘Hi,’” Aurora replied. “We got the best candy! A lady was giving out big Starbursts. Daddy’s letting me have all the pink ones because I’m special.”
“You are special, sweet girl.”
A painful thought intruded—would Hoseok make them forget me if I asked him? The idea was almost too agonizing to bear. He’d kept me alive for five years, a perverse form of flattery that I struggled to appreciate. My self-loathing deepened as I thought about the life I was about to leave behind.
“Daddy says I have to go,” Aurora pouted. “Bye, Auntie.”
“Bye, Rory girl,” I choked out, my voice cracking as the tears welled up. “I love you.”
“Love you more,” Aurora’s sweet voice drifted through the line, a beacon of innocence in my storm of dread.
I gasped, the floodgates opening as I fought to keep my composure. “Impossible,” I managed to whisper, my throat tight with sorrow.
“Why?” she giggled, her innocent curiosity slicing through my resolve.
“Because,” I said, my voice barely a whisper, “I love you more than the world.”
Aurora’s laughter began to fade as she handed the phone back to Miles. The sound of her giggles and her mother’s laughter echoed in the background, a cruel reminder of the life I was about to lose. My heart clenched painfully at the thought of never hearing those sounds again.
“What’s up, sissy?” Miles asked, his tone tinged with concern.
“I was just heading out,” I said, forcing a tremulous cheerfulness into my voice. “Thought I’d call before my cab gets here. I’m leaving a little early.”
There was a heavy pause on the other end, a silence that spoke louder than words.
“Everything okay, Y/N? You sound upset.”
“No, no,” I hurried to reassure him, biting my lip to keep from sobbing. “Just tired. You know how it is.”
“You sure?” Miles pressed, his concern palpable. He was always too perceptive for his own good, but he never pushed too hard. I hoped he wouldn’t miss me too much.
“I’m positive, Bubba,” I said, my eyes darting to the cab pulling up to the curb. “My ride’s here. I love you.”
“Love you too, sis. Call me later?”
“I’ll try to remember in the morning,” I said, attempting to sound upbeat despite the crushing weight in my chest. “I know it’s late for you guys.”
I closed my phone with shaking hands and stuffed it into my purse, the weight of my decisions pressing down on me. The cab driver approached, his face a blur through my tears.
“Where to?” he asked, his voice a lifeline in the growing storm of my fear.
“1st and East 54th in the Diamond District,” I replied, offering a weak, strained smile.
“Dauphine?” The driver’s eyes flicked to me in the rearview mirror, a hint of something unsettling in his gaze. “Ever been there before?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled, trying to steady my breath. “I don’t remember it all that well. Guess I had too much fun last time.”
“Watch yourself,” the driver said, turning on the radio with a slow, deliberate movement. “That place is crawling with freaks.”
“Welcome to New York,” I muttered, more to myself than him.
He chuckled, his voice a touch too jovial. “Been here my whole life. My name’s Jimin. Call me if you need a getaway driver.”
The car rumbled with the low hum of R&B, Jimin fiddling with the radio as if trying to mask the creeping anxiety that gnawed at my insides. I mouthed the lyrics, trying to drown out the terror that threatened to consume me.
My thoughts were a twisted mess of fear and longing. The image of Hoseok, tainted by his manipulation, flickered through my mind. The desire to escape him was overpowered by the suffocating grip of my own confusion. Taehyung was my last, desperate hope—a fleeting chance at redemption. But deep down, a gnawing realization settled in I was already damned, teetering on the edge with no way back.
The mantra echoed relentlessly in my head: I miss him, love him, and need him…
I was spiraling, caught in a web of my own making, and the thought of facing what awaited me at Dauphine was almost too much to bear.
“We’re here,” Jimin's voice cut through the thick fog of dread that enveloped me.
“Thanks for the ride,” I muttered, my fingers trembling as I fumbled with the cash. I handed him a generous tip, a feeble attempt to cling to some semblance of normalcy.
The alleyway stretched before me, a grim path between the upscale buildings of the Diamond District. It looked less menacing than I’d imagined, but its familiarity offered no comfort. Dim street lamps cast weak pools of light that barely touched the encroaching darkness. I hoped—prayed—that Hoseok wasn’t already here. The fading daylight gave me just enough visibility to navigate, and the murmur of voices outside the bar was a small, shaky comfort. I clung to the hope that these voices belonged to ordinary people, potential witnesses if I needed to make a quick escape.
As I approached, the group of people outside fell silent. My stomach churned violently, and bile rose in my throat, threatening to spill. I couldn’t bring myself to turn and face them; their gaze was almost a physical presence, making my skin crawl even though I never looked directly at them. A low, sinister snicker from one of them sent a shiver down my spine, amplifying my fear. I hadn’t even seen their faces, yet their mere presence was enough to make me quake.
The bouncer at the gate eyed me with a scrutinizing glare.
“Password,” he demanded, his voice flat and unyielding.
“I-” I stammered, my mind racing to recall the password Hoseok had given me. “Audubon.”
The gate creaked open, and I slipped past the security guard, my heart pounding like a drum. Despite my nervous bravado, the bouncer’s indifference did little to soothe me. Once inside, I felt a fleeting sense of relief, escaping the unsettling stares.
I gripped my bag tightly, knuckles white, and started searching for the bar. The interior was starkly underwhelming—plush couches and private booths scattered haphazardly, with red neon signs pointing to the restrooms. The oppressive red and black color scheme was heavy, but thankfully devoid of any overtly horrific scenes. I had no desire for strobe lights or dance floors; the thought of walking into a trap was more than enough to keep me on edge.
Navigating through the dimly lit space, I felt like I was moving through a maze. The long hallway ahead seemed to stretch into an abyss, the darkness intensifying with each step. The oppressive gloom and the eerie silence made my nerves jangle. The jazz music that had been softly playing in the background had faded, leaving me in a disquieting void.
At the end of the hall, the emptiness was almost a relief. The silence was oppressive but meant I wasn’t walking into a room full of hostile eyes. Perhaps this was how I’d met Bootsy—wandering aimlessly until she had found me and guided me out.
The bar seemed to stretch on forever, an architectural labyrinth that added to my growing sense of dread. I held my breath as the walls seemed to close in, my anxiety a tangible weight pressing against my chest. The high ceilings and claustrophobic spaces combined to create a sensation of being trapped. My heels clicked sharply against the linoleum, the sound echoing eerily in the silence. The place felt more like a mausoleum than a bar. Every step heightened my unease, and the hairs on my neck stood on end as I glanced around, trying to ignore the creeping terror that threatened to overwhelm me.
“Hello?” I called out, my voice trembling as it cut through the oppressive silence. “Is anybody here?”
The sudden sound of a voice behind me made me jump, my heart racing as I spun around with a gasp that morphed into a shriek. My balance faltered, and I slammed into the wall, scraping my arm against the rough surface. The sharp sting of pain was immediate and searing. I clutched my injured arm, the pain and the shock making my vision blur. I turned to face the figure who had startled me.
He stood there, his white button-down shirt contrasting sharply with the dim surroundings. His tall, lean frame was framed by broad shoulders, and his long fingers seemed to move with an effortless grace. But it was his smile that made my blood run cold—a wide, boxy grin that stretched unnaturally across his face, his eyes glinting with a mischievous, unsettling light.
“My apologies,” he said, his voice dripping with a smooth, honeyed tone. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
I glared at him, struggling to steady my breathing and regain my composure. “It’s fine. It didn’t kill me, did it?”
He chuckled softly; a sound that felt more sinister than soothing. “You’re bleeding,” he said, his gaze dropping to my arm.
I looked down and saw blood seeping through a tear in my blazer. The sight of my own blood was like a cruel reminder of my vulnerability. The pain, combined with the sight of my blood, pushed me to the edge. My hands shook as I raised them to my face, tears welling up uncontrollably. The enormity of my situation crashed down on me like a tidal wave. Everything felt chaotic; my life had been turned upside down, and the relentless pounding in my head was unbearable. I should have stayed home. At least Hoseok’s presence, while twisted, had been a semblance of comfort.
The despair was suffocating.
“Are you okay, sha?” His voice was soft, but his touch on my arm was disconcertingly gentle.
I laughed, a hollow, despairing sound. “Does it look like it?”
“No, you look upset,” he replied, his eyes glinting with an unsettling mixture of sympathy and amusement.
“You don’t say?” I snapped, rolling my eyes and jerking my arm away from his touch.
Despite my evident distress, he remained unnervingly calm, his smile lingering like a dark shadow. His pleasure at my discomfort was unsettling, and the aura around him felt eerily similar to the disquieting presence of those outside. His attractiveness was overshadowed by a deeply disturbing quality that made me want to flee. It was as if fear had paralyzed me, pinning me in place.
Suddenly, a chilling realization hit me. As I forced myself to examine his face more closely, I recognized him from the shadows of my past. He was strikingly beautiful in a haunting way, like Bootsy. His pale skin was almost luminescent, and his eyes, once hidden in the darkness, now revealed flecks of red that seemed to glow with a menacing, otherworldly light. They were mesmerizing yet horrifying, a dangerous allure that made my skin crawl. The spell he cast was broken as quickly as it had begun, and I struggled to look him in the eye again.
“You’re looking for me, aren’t you?” His voice was a silky whisper that seemed to wrap around me, tightening with a sinister intent.
Embarrassed by my earlier outburst, I nodded slowly. My hope of finding help felt increasingly elusive as the night grew darker and more menacing. All I wanted was to escape, but the hope that things might improve clung stubbornly to me. Taehyung exuded a disorienting blend of warmth and menace, a mix of comfort and dread that left me feeling more lost than ever.
“I’m sorry for being snappy,” I said, my voice quivering as I wiped away a tear. “I don’t remember you all that well.”
Or at all, my mind whispered in the encroaching darkness. The more I looked at him, the more I felt Hoseok’s oppressive influence tugging at my thoughts. Images of Hoseok’s touch, his voice, his eyes—each one flared in my mind with an insidious intensity. He misses you; he loves you, he needs you…
“Requiem was wrong,” Taehyung murmured, his fingers chillingly cold as they cradled my face. “You’re too far gone.”
“Who?” I managed to ask, my voice trembling and my head spinning. His touch was both numbing and intoxicating.
“Bootsy,” he cooed, his breath a mix of cotton and sweet pine needles. “She said you had a chance, but she was mistaken. My friend has already completed the bond.”
“W-what?” I whispered, dazed and confused. The throbbing ache in my head resonated with Taehyung’s presence. “What bond?”
“Maybe not,” he whispered, his proximity making my pulse race.
When his lips met mine, they were like ice, yet the jolt of electricity that surged through me made my knees buckle. His laughter was dark and twisted as he wrapped an arm around my waist, his tongue brushing against my lips. I mewled, clutching his shoulders as the electric sensation overwhelmed me. His groan sent shivers through my entire body, and the echo of Hoseok’s voice in my head was relentless. He misses you, he loves you, he needs you…
Suddenly, I shoved Taehyung away, gasping for air as a searing pain exploded in my head. It felt as if a sledgehammer had struck my temple. My vision swam, and I collapsed to my knees, tears streaming down my face as I sobbed uncontrollably.
“Poor child,” Taehyung crooned, kneeling beside me. His scent, soothing yet oddly comforting, did little to ease the tremors wracking my body. “I’m so sorry, but I cannot help you.”
“I’m going to die,” I sobbed, my voice cracking under the weight of my despair.
“Yes,” he said calmly. “The pain will lessen once you accept it; accept him.”
“What does he want?” I managed to choke out.
“Can’t you see?” Taehyung’s eyes glittered ominously in the dim light. “He believes he’s in love with you. It’s a pity, really. I want nothing more than to keep you, but I can’t risk angering him. He would destroy Requiem for revealing his secrets; she is my most cherished friend. Do you understand?”
Numbly, I nodded. I’m going to die. I miss him. I’m going to die. He loves you. I’m going to die. I need him. I’m going to die. I love him. He needs you. I’m—
“Your eyes look just like his,” Taehyung marveled, his gaze softening. “He’s bound to you in a way I’ve never seen before.”
As I stared at Taehyung, my vision began to blur, and the voices in my head whispered louder in the dark corners of my mind. Their weight pressed down on me, my eyes rolling back until all I could see was a void. When I came to, I was horrified to find vomit splattered across Taehyung’s pristine white shirt. His expression twisted in horror and pain as he watched me unravel.
A dark, malevolent presence loomed near, its acrid stench of soot and kerosene overwhelming my senses. My head throbbed as if it had been cleaved in two, and a grotesque, pecking sensation gnawed at my exposed, vulnerable insides. Taehyung’s icy touch against my rigid form offered little comfort as I lay helpless against his chest, terror seeping in with every passing second.
“There’s my girl!” Hoseok’s voice cut through the haze of despair, and just like that, the pain evaporated.
I exhaled, sinking into Taehyung’s embrace. His body felt like ice against my fevered skin, a chilling contrast that brought an unexpected relief. His cool fingers traced my scalp, their touch a soothing balm amidst the chaos.
“I hope you understand Bootsy’s decision,” Taehyung’s voice was as cold as his touch, carrying a weight of finality. “She thought you were still playing games. But she was wrong.”
A deep, resonant rumble filled the space, and Hoseok’s voice emerged from the darkness like a spectral echo.
“Requiem has every right to her judgment,” Hoseok said, his voice a smooth caress laced with menace. “If it were anyone else, I might not care. But Y/N’s suffering is a consequence of her meddling. I had hoped to keep her alive.”
“Why?” I croaked, the question barely escaping my lips.
“You’re my special girl,” Hoseok purred, his voice dripping with a twisted, cruel fondness. “So innocent, so malleable. You’re perfect.”
A strange calm enveloped me as I lay against Taehyung, the tumult of emotions and pain fading to a low murmur. Hoseok’s presence hung over me like a dark, oppressive cloud, his words a cruel mockery of the comfort I desperately sought.
Taehyung’s fingers moved through my hair with a cold, almost clinical precision. “You’ve been chosen,” he said softly, his voice carrying an unsettling calm. “It’s a rare bond that neither Bootsy nor I can undo. I wish there was something more I could do for you.”
My vision blurred, shadows of past anguish swirling around me. Hoseok’s voice echoed in my mind, a haunting lullaby that twisted my insides. “You’re mine, Y/N. No matter how you struggle, you are woven into my essence.”
The room seemed to constrict, the walls inching inward, shadows elongating and darkening. A biting chill settled over the space, the whispers of the damned intertwining with my deepest fears. I could almost see their forms, spectral and menacing, reaching out from the darkness.
I struggled to my feet, the world spinning dizzily around me. My head throbbed with a relentless ache, my heart pounding like a trapped bird. I stumbled away from Taehyung’s unnervingly composed presence, my eyes darting frantically for any sign of escape or salvation.
“Y/N,” Hoseok’s voice was a dissonant blend of soothing and threatening. “Don’t run from me. You belong here, with me.”
My breath came in ragged gasps, the overwhelming urge to flee battling with a stubborn thread of hope tangled in my despair. My thoughts were a chaotic mess, clinging to the faintest possibility of survival amidst the encroaching darkness.
I turned to Taehyung, my gaze pleading, desperate. “Is there no way out? Is there any hope left?”
Taehyung’s expression softened with a mixture of pity and sorrow. “Try to enjoy your final moments.”
Footsteps echoed ominously down the corridor, each step deliberate and foreboding. My heart leaped as a figure emerged from the gloom. Bootsy. Her presence was both a flicker of reassurance and a shadow of dread.
“I’m sorry,” Bootsy’s voice was a murmur of regret in the darkness.
I looked at her, then back at Taehyung, and finally at the encroaching shadows that seemed to reach out with a ravenous hunger. The weight of the choice, of my impending doom, pressed heavily on my chest, threatening to crush me under its gravity.
With a shuddering breath, I steeled myself. “I can’t let this happen to me,” I said, my voice trembling but resolute. “I don’t want this.”
The room seemed to hold its breath, the darkness thickening. Hoseok’s laughter echoed through the void, a low, mocking sound that sent icy shivers down my spine. “Of course you do. You wouldn’t be writhing on the floor if you didn’t.”
The shadows deepened, the walls closing in as if reality itself was warping to ensnare me. A cold grip tightened around my soul, a force dragging me back into the abyss I had fought so hard to escape. An aching chill settled below my diaphragm, squeezing the breath from my lungs. My head spun again, his voice a soft whisper in the recesses of my mind. I miss you. I love you. I need you…
Don’t leave me.
Taehyung’s expression hardened into one of grim resignation. “You’re already bound to him. The bond is too strong.”
As I fought against the invisible chains tightening around me, the futility of my struggle became all too apparent. The darkness swallowed me whole, dragging me back into the depths I had desperately tried to escape.
“Please,” I whispered into the void, but the darkness consumed my plea. “Please, no.”
Hoseok’s voice filled the void, smooth and victorious. “Welcome home, darling.”
The last glimmers of light vanished, leaving me in an eternal night, a prisoner of my own choices and the dark forces that had ensnared me. My mind fractured under the weight of the consuming darkness, and as the final remnants of my resistance crumbled, I faced the harrowing truth.
There was no salvation. No escape. Only the endless, consuming dark.
And in that darkness, I was utterly, irrevocably alone.
I don’t know how long I’ve been trapped in this suffocating darkness—hours, days, months, or maybe even years. Time has become an abstract concept here, slipping through my grasp like the thin veil of reality that separates me from the void. The only link to the world beyond this prison is Hoseok, a ghostly presence who appears with a gleam in his eyes that chills me to the bone. His voice, carrying the weight of a thousand tortured souls, always asks the same haunting question: How are you feeling?
We were never friends. Each passing day has sharpened my memories into a cruel clarity. I don’t know where my physical body is—doubtful it’s anywhere near this place. The ink and paper I use to write materialize out of nowhere whenever I need them, appearing and disappearing like phantoms in my disturbed mind. This place defies all logic and reason.
Initially, I fought Hoseok with every ounce of my being. Each refusal brought excruciating pain that felt like it would tear me apart. My screams echoed back at me from the oppressive void, unanswered and ignored. Hoseok would slip into the darkness with a silent, predatory grace, his hot hands roaming over my shivering body before I even knew he was there. I would scramble away, howling and begging him to take me home, but he always left without a word.
Eventually, I gave up the fight. I accepted that escape was impossible, even though my soul still ached for my old life. The pain eased only when I surrendered, and Hoseok’s visits grew more frequent. They were filled with idle chatter about his plans for me. I learned he was a demon, and I was destined to become one too. The possession would erase most of who I once was, but when I awoke, we would be forever linked as master and shade. My freedom would only come after I took my first human life, but that day seemed impossibly distant. Hoseok savored every bite of my soul with a mournful delight.
What I felt for Hoseok wasn’t love—it was an obsession, a malignant force that had seeped into every corner of my being. “A natural reaction of a shade to its master,” he said. I was bound to him, and escape was nothing but a cruel illusion.
The first signs of my unraveling appeared when Hoseok vanished for days on end. In the infinite darkness, where time had no meaning, his absence was a torment of its own. Despite his power to bend reality, he chose to leave me here, dependent on his presence for any sign of change. I began talking to myself, my voice the only sound in the oppressive silence. I spoke for hours, my throat raw and hoarse from the effort, desperately trying to fend off the encroaching madness.
I felt like an addict in withdrawal. I don’t recall when hallucinations began, but soon I was conversing with a phantom chorus of voices. Deep down, I knew it was Hoseok orchestrating these illusions, but my fractured mind twisted reality into something I could barely comprehend. My hatred for him only served to cloud my already distorted perception.
As time dragged on, I grew weary. My speech turned into riddles, convinced I was a prophet receiving divine revelations. Raised Catholic, I had long drifted from faith, but the darkness reignited an obsession with God. I clung desperately to fragmented Bible verses. Hoseok, ever the manipulator, provided me with a Bible. If I weren’t so far gone, I might have questioned his uncanny ability to fulfill my twisted needs.
When I told Hoseok about my religious background, he laughed, and the darkness morphed into a cathedral. For the first time, there was something tangible to focus on during his absences. It was both a prison and a gift. The pews were filled with spectral congregants, and every day became Sunday. I feverishly wrote sermons, warning of the apocalypse. Hoseok attended with a devotion bordering on reverence, but he always left too soon.
The withdrawal pangs paralyzed me, but incessant talking kept the crushing loneliness at bay. I remember the first encounter after becoming accustomed to this madness. My body trembled with need, yet my mind remained alert. Each denial of release brought physical agony, and Hoseok’s visits grew more frequent and prolonged. My breakdown was inevitable.
On the day of my final descent, I felt his presence before I saw him. My struggle had reached its nadir. Despite my lingering hope for escape, Hoseok’s presence shattered my resolve. I became an all-too-willing participant in his dark designs. Even now, as I lie prostrate in my despair, I can’t escape the haunting reality of my existence.
The words of the prayer rolled off my tongue like a ghostly murmur in the dim, solemn church. Each syllable was a desperate plea, a sacrament of my crumbling faith:
“Soul of Christ, sanctify me.”
“Body of Christ, save me.”
“Blood of Christ, inebriate me.”
This prayer was a twisted sacrament, a litany of sacred pleas that felt increasingly like cries into the void.
“Water from Christ’s side, wash me.”
“Passion of Christ, strengthen me.”
“O good Jesus, hear me.”
I bowed my head, eyes squeezed shut like a child hiding from monsters under the bed. My hands gripped tightly in a futile attempt to hold onto my sanity. I prayed not just for absolution but for a distraction, for him to stay away, for the sinful thoughts to dissipate like smoke in the sun.
“Y/N,” a voice whispered, spectral and insistent, urging me to rise, to accept, to finally bend to its will.
Reluctantly, I dragged myself to the pulpit, my legs trembling. I focused on the Gospel before me, the rhythm of my breath, the rehearsed words of today’s homily. I could hear murmurs of anticipation swelling in the pews, bouncing off the stone walls like echoes of forgotten promises.
Did they know? Did they sense the darkness creeping into my soul?
To be honest, I was unsure if anyone was really there or if my mind was playing tricks on me. This place had a maddening ability to distort my perception. I steadied myself, nodding to the organ player, offering a fleeting smile to the choir’s children—figments of my fractured mind. Their eyes, hungry for guidance, believed in my wisdom, though I felt utterly unworthy. Their gaze was a reflection of my own inner torment.
My eyes locked on a figure in the front row, right side, five seats in. My breath hitched, caught in my throat, as I beheld him. Jeans, t-shirt, leather jacket—an irreverent defiance slicing through the sanctity of the church. His gaze was a burning, unholy fire that cut through the darkness with unnerving clarity.
In that moment, the last vestiges of my sanity crumbled, leaving me exposed to the consuming darkness that had become my prison.
I steadied myself, nodding to the organ player, and offered a fleeting smile to the choir’s children, who I no longer believed were real. My gaze wandered over the congregation, each face a testament to a faith I felt unworthy of. Their eyes, brimming with expectation, seemed to pierce through me, demanding guidance I could no longer provide. I questioned my own sanity, wondering if anyone in that room could see how profoundly empty I felt.
I once had everything figured out. Before this… before him.
My eyes locked on a single figure in the front row, right side, five seats in. My breath hitched, caught in my throat. There he was: jeans, t-shirt, leather jacket—a casual defiance that sliced through the church’s sanctity like a blade. His legs were crossed, hands poised by his sides, eyes ablaze with a fire that seemed to burn straight through my composure.
No holy book in his hands, no righteous smile on his lips—just an unspoken, rebellious challenge. His presence was a magnetism that pulled me toward a pit of temptation and sin. I forgot my sermon. I forgot the vows and promises etched into my soul. The solemn pledges made to men of faith and to God. Promises I had written daily to stave off the creeping insanity.
Those promises now felt like distant echoes, overshadowed by him. His eyes, his lips, his rebellious aura—an inferno of forbidden heat that ignited a longing I could no longer contain. I closed my eyes, desperately trying to escape the searing image of him. Abs, legs, an all-consuming heat that seemed to draw me into its vortex.
When I opened my eyes again, the fire remained. A cough from the crowd jolted me back to the present. I tugged at my collar, the symbol of my childhood and a cruel gift from Hoseok. It used to offer comfort, a sign of belonging, but now it felt like a noose tightening around my neck.
The faces of the congregation were a sea of silent, unspoken questions. Their eyes bored into me, filled with unvoiced suspicions and judgments.
Shit.
My fingers trembled as I gripped the edges of the pulpit, trying to anchor myself amidst the spiraling chaos. The eyes of the congregation felt like spectral judgments, each one a reminder of my spiraling failure. Hoseok’s presence, fixed in my peripheral vision, was a constant, unsettling pull—a dark promise of chaos just beyond the edge of reason. It pressed heavily on my chest, a suffocating weight threatening to collapse my fragile sanity.
I forced my gaze back to the Gospel, attempting to focus on the familiar lines of scripture, hoping they would restore my fractured resolve. But the words on the page blurred and twisted, tangled in the storm raging inside my head. Each verse felt like wading through molasses, and a bead of sweat trickled down my temple, mingling with the cold sweat already gathering at the base of my neck. I cleared my throat, trying to regain control, but the sound emerged as a strangled rasp.
The whispers grew louder, like rustling wings pressing against the walls of my sanity. My heart pounded like a funeral drum, each beat a reminder of my mounting desperation. I could almost hear the devil’s laughter, mocking my feeble attempts to maintain a façade of righteousness.
Hoseok’s gaze was unwavering, a predator’s gaze that seemed to sear through my composure. His movements were fluid, deliberate—like a hunter preparing to strike. My mind raced, desperately searching for an escape from this hellish vortex. I glanced at the crucifix behind me, its hollow eyes and outstretched arms now a pitifully inadequate shield against the encroaching darkness. The sacred symbol that once offered solace now seemed like a cruel joke, highlighting how far I had strayed from purity.
The murmurs of the congregation grew insistent, a chorus of impatient whispers that echoed like an unholy chant. The church, once a sanctuary, now closed in around me, its weight suffocating. I took a deep breath, summoning the last remnants of my willpower. I forced myself to meet Hoseok’s gaze again, confronting the fiery rebellion in his eyes. He offered no sympathy, only a silent taunt that echoed my own guilt.
With a trembling hand, I reached for the microphone. My voice cracked as I began to speak, the words spilling out in a disjointed stream. I struggled to reclaim my authority, but with each passing moment, my grip on sanity slipped further. The congregation’s expressions shifted from curiosity to concern, then to alarm. Their faith faltered under the weight of my unraveling composure.
Hoseok’s gaze remained fixed, a dark star in a sea of light, drawing me inexorably towards his gravitational pull. My voice faltered, becoming increasingly erratic, reflecting the chaos within. The church fell into a tense silence, broken only by the rustling of the congregation’s uneasy shifting. I felt every eye on me, their silent judgment a palpable force.
My final words came out as a barely coherent murmur, a defeated whisper lost in the oppressive silence. I stumbled away from the pulpit, my mind a tempest of confusion and dread. As I retreated from the glaring scrutiny of the congregation, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was stumbling towards some dark, inevitable reckoning. Hoseok’s gaze followed me, a constant, unsettling presence as I fled the sanctuary.
I collapsed into the shadows behind the altar, my breath coming in ragged gasps that echoed through the oppressive silence of the church. The darkness around me felt like a living entity, wrapping itself around my chest and squeezing, threatening to suffocate me. Hoseok's eyes lingered in my mind, their haunting intensity a constant reminder of the sin and torment that had become my existence. The certainty of my spiraling downfall felt inescapable, and every breath I took seemed to deepen my dread.
The pews had emptied in an instant, leaving the room cloaked in a suffocating silence. My heart pounded as I watched Hoseok move toward me. The man before me was no longer the mortal guise he had once worn; his true form emerged, dark and unnervingly compelling. His eyes, once warm and inviting, now burned with a shadowed hunger that quickened my pulse with a mix of terror and something I couldn’t quite name.
“Y/N.” His voice, soft and reverent, seemed to carry a sacramental weight that sent an icy shiver down my spine. There was a truth hidden in those syllables, a meaning only he understood. As his nearness intensified, confusion and fear danced across my features. His calm, deliberate hand cradled my cheek, the touch both tender and overwhelming. The heat of my skin seemed to beckon to him, an invitation that terrified and enthralled me simultaneously.
"You're so lovely," he whispered, his voice a gentle murmur that barely masked the wild intensity in his eyes. His touch guided me backward with a grace that felt almost otherworldly. The church seemed to dissolve around us, melting away into a space that was unsettlingly familiar—a fragment of my life from New York. The red brick of the two-story house brought a strange, bittersweet comfort, like a fragment of a life I had once known. It calmed my racing heart with its eerie familiarity. He led me to the front door, his touch both comforting and possessive.
The lock yielded effortlessly, and as we crossed the threshold, the gravity of the situation settled like a stone in my stomach. The house, once a sanctuary of normalcy, now felt like a prison, its walls closing in with a menacing intimacy.
"So perfectly lovely," he murmured again as he closed the door behind us. I stumbled back, my nerves crackling with an unsettling energy. It wasn’t just fear anymore—it was something darker and more confusing. A part of me ached for normalcy, for escape, while another part was drawn to him with a desperate, confusing need. The line between terror and an inexplicable, forbidden desire blurred beyond recognition. I clung to the last shreds of my sanity, even as I felt myself unraveling under the weight of my own conflicted emotions.
"Why are we here?" I asked, my voice trembling with a mix of breathlessness and an unspoken longing. My heart pounded with a confusing blend of fear and desire. It was as if clarity had returned to me for a fleeting moment, yet I was still tethered to the confusion Hoseok had woven into my days. His promises of relief had begun to erode the pain, even as they wrapped around me like a vice. I remembered the dreams he'd planted in my mind, their seductive whispers blurring my sense of reality.
"I thought you might feel more at ease here," he said softly, his tone smooth and soothing as he followed me through the cluttered living room. Each backward step I took seemed to draw him closer, his presence an inescapable shadow. "Do you like it?"
I hesitated, glancing around at the artifacts of my past—family photos, treasured mementos, relics of a life that now felt so distant. The room was a museum of a future slipping away from me, and Hoseok's eyes seemed intent on taking it all. "Yes, I do," I whispered, barely able to meet his gaze. The room, once a sanctuary of normalcy, now felt like a stage for his dark play.
"I'd like a drink," I said, placing a hand over my racing heart. I clung to the pretense of normalcy, desperate to maintain some semblance of control. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, I felt a flicker of my old self. "Is there anything here? Surely you would... like one... as well."
Hoseok, having long since discarded any pretense of humanity, closed the distance between us with unsettling swiftness. His movements were almost too fluid, his presence too intense. His hands, warm and steady, framed my face with a possessive grace, his gaze fixed on the pulse in my neck, the rich, inviting blood beneath my skin.
"Oh, Y/N, my sweet, innocent little lamb." His voice, a velvety murmur, sent a shiver down my spine. His touch, trailing down to my neck, felt both magnetic and maddening. His eyes lingered on my flesh with a hunger that was almost palpable, a craving that seemed to consume him as much as it did me.
I trembled in his embrace, my conflicting desires mirrored in his touch. A soft moan escaped my lips, my breath warm and trembling with a heady mix of fear and desire. His smile widened, a predatory glint in his eyes as he encircled my waist, his touch moving possessively lower, tracing the curve of my hips and thighs. The tension between fight and flight heightened the charged atmosphere, leaving me both desperate and disoriented.
His eyes traced the flush of my lips, a reflection of the flush between my legs. The scent of my arousal mingled with my anxious heartbeat, a call to the beast inside him. His senses seemed overwhelmed by the promise of my warmth, the floral sweetness of my skin, and the earthy musk of my desire.
"You don't want... a drink?" I stammered, struggling to grasp the situation, to find a shred of reason amid the chaos of my emotions.
"Oh yes, Y/N. I very much desire a... drink." His smile was amused, his lips hovering just above mine. The taste of his breath, mingling with his tantalizing scent, sparked a deep, primal hunger within me. I was alive with all these unfulfilled needs, caught between an overwhelming desire and a paralyzing fear.
I inhaled shakily, my mind a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts. "What... would you like?" The question was a desperate plea for clarity, a tenuous grasp at the last vestiges of control in a world that had become a tumultuous blur of lust and dread.
A low laugh rumbled in Hoseok’s throat as he brushed his lips over mine, savoring the teasing trace of my flavor. "I want you, Y/N. I want to drink you." His honesty was laced with a raw, consuming need, a plea that mirrored the chaotic mix of longing and fear surging through me. It was clear he had no intention of letting me escape—not now. His tongue traced the corners of my mouth, and his body pressed against mine, making his heat seep through every layer of fabric that separated us.
I trembled, caught in a storm of conflicting emotions. The scents of my home—the cheap cotton sheets, synthetic pillows, and lingering traces of my perfume—led him with a haunting familiarity. He lifted me effortlessly, carrying me with a purposeful stride, and placed me gently at the foot of my bed. The moonlight offered only a weak shield against the encroaching darkness that seemed to swallow us whole.
My heart raced, feeling like a delicate butterfly trapped in a predatory web. As he dropped his coat to the floor and drew me into a deep kiss, my earlier uncertainty dissolved into a raw, electric need. Each touch of his fingers against my body made me shiver, a mix of anticipation and dread coiling tightly within me.
The bed was unmade, its disarray a silent testament to my disordered state. His scent lingered in the tangled sheets and blankets as he lowered me onto them. My sweat-dampened palms gripped his hair, my fingers exploring the nape of his neck and shoulders. The buttons on his shirt came undone beneath my trembling hands, my desire growing bolder despite the icy grip of fear that clenched at my chest. His groan as his teeth grazed my throat made me arch my hips, pressing closer, driven by a need I couldn't fully understand.
My clothes fell away under his hands, leaving me exposed and vulnerable. His eyes devoured every curve of my body, his gaze as palpable as his touch. His mouth descended on mine, hungry and insatiable, and I was enveloped by him, lost in a swirling tempest of our shared desire. His touch became a language, one that read my body with an intimate knowledge I was helpless to resist.
As he explored my secret places, my soft sighs turned into desperate pleas. His searing touch brought goosebumps to my skin, but I pressed closer, overwhelmed by the pleasure he was giving me. I was caught between wanting more and the creeping dread of losing myself entirely.
"Y/N," he groaned, his voice a dark promise. "I want to consume you." His words were a growl, a warning wrapped in seductive desire.
"Yes, I want you to. Do it. Take me," I panted, clutching at his shirt sleeve. My body spoke louder than words, arching upwards in desperate need. I knew I didn't fully understand what I was asking for, but the awareness was drowned out by the intensity of my longing.
His hands covered my breasts, his fingers finding my nipples. I gasped, pushing closer as his mouth found each tip, his low growl sending shivers through me. My heart raced beneath his lips, the rush of blood whispering of more delights to come. I arched again, my body twisting off the bed, craving more.
His mouth sucked at my nipple, his tongue flicking to heighten my pleasure. His thigh pressed between mine, the fabric of his jeans rasping over my nakedness, igniting a desperate heat. I moaned and bucked against him, my fingers digging into his arms as I convulsed beneath him, reaching the peak of my desire. The exhilaration of the moment was punctuated by the fear that clawed at the edges of my consciousness, a persistent reminder that I was teetering on the brink of something both irresistible and terrifying.
The climax left me gasping, trembling, caught in a whirlwind of confusion and overwhelming need. Each wave of pleasure only heightened my fear, and my body’s reaction seemed to betray my mind's desperate protests. His touch, relentless and insistent, found a rhythm that both seduced and terrified me. I cried out, unable to stop the sounds that escaped my lips, but a part of me wanted to resist.
I tried to pull away, my hand grasping his wrist with a frantic intensity. "What... what are you doing to me…?" My voice was a ragged whisper, trembling with a blend of confusion and fear.
He looked at me with a dark, hungry smile, his eyes alight with a dangerous fire. "Y/N, don’t lie to yourself," he said softly, his fingers curling in ways that made my body shudder. "You’re not overwhelmed. Your body is telling me you want this. You’re close to coming again. I can feel it."
My protests dissolved into incoherent moans as his touch stimulated a spot deep within me. The pleasure was a cruel paradox, blurring the line between ecstasy and dread. I could barely think, my mind clouded by the intensity of his actions.
"No, Hoseok, it’s too much," I whimpered, struggling to catch my breath. "I can’t..."
His mouth moved to mine, his lips teasing, his breath warm against my skin. "You’re a beautiful little liar," he murmured. "It’s not too much. You crave this. You know you do. Beg for it."
The force of his command broke through my haze of desire. "Please, Hoseok...," I gasped, my will crumbling under his dominance. My words felt like a betrayal, but I couldn’t stop myself from begging. "Please, just... take me."
His satisfaction was palpable, a dangerous hunger in his eyes. His touch grew more urgent, driving me to the brink of madness. I was lost in a maelstrom of sensation, my mind screaming to pull away, but my body’s response only seemed to draw him closer.
The moment of his thrust was jarring, a mix of pain and pleasure that overwhelmed me. My body reacted instinctively, my hips rising to meet him even as my mind struggled to grasp the reality of what was happening. The intense pleasure was intermingled with a profound fear, a dread of losing myself completely.
His movements were urgent, almost desperate, as though he were chasing an elusive climax. I was limp in his arms, my breathing ragged, torn between an unbearable desire and an escalating terror.
Despite my growing fear, I clung to him, my hands fumbling for some semblance of control. My kisses were desperate, seeking to anchor myself amidst the chaos. His touch was relentless, and every stroke seemed to heighten the conflict within me.
He pressed closer, his hands exploring with a possessive intensity. My body’s reactions were at odds with my thoughts, creating a tumultuous storm of sensation and fear. My mind raced, grappling with the realization of what was happening, but the pleasure was so consuming that it blurred the line between consent and coercion.
As the moment approached, I felt his breath on my neck, a chilling reminder of the danger that lurked beneath his seductive veneer. The final act was a blur, my fear mingling with an overwhelming rush of sensation.
I was a walking paradox—caught between heaven and hell, life and death, sin and redemption. His presence was a fiery furnace, consuming me with the heat of stolen life he had been deprived of for so long. My body clenched around him, a pulsating rhythm that seemed to drive him to the edge of his sanity. His pleasure was overwhelming, a torrent of sensations that painted the world in a chaotic blaze of colors.
“Hoseok, please…” I whispered, my voice a fragile breath against the overpowering cacophony of sensations. I wasn’t sure if my plea was for him to stop or to continue, a desperate cry from a place deep within me that I couldn’t fully comprehend. My fear was a gnawing presence, clawing at the edges of my desire, but the confusion of what I wanted and what I was willing to accept blurred together.
His eyes were dark with a twisted satisfaction as he sensed the last of my climax and my blood draining from me. The thought of taking me to the brink of death both exhilarated and haunted him. His grip tightened, and with a guttural snarl, he pulled away from my neck, his fangs retracting with a mixture of frustration and reluctant restraint. The rush of his thirst roared inside him, but he forced himself to temper his need.
I was an indulgence he wouldn’t be denied again, a forbidden pleasure he was determined to claim. He gently laid me back on the disheveled sheets, my heartbeat weak and fluttering. He licked the last drops of blood from my skin, his breath ragged and uneven. Each touch was deliberate, sealing the wounds with a final, lingering caress—a practical necessity for a demon who wanted to savor every part of me.
“Mine,” he growled, his voice a low, dark promise that vibrated through my core. “You are mine, Y/N. From now until death claims you, until I claim you.” His breath was warm and heavy against my face. My eyelids fluttered, barely able to focus, but his words penetrated my haze. “If any other man dares to touch you, I will tear him apart. Remember this, my beautiful little lamb. Remember who you belong to.”
“Hoseok,” I murmured, my voice a faint echo of surrender. His satisfaction was palpable, a twisted delight in my obedience and submission. He rose and slipped out of the room, leaving me tangled in sheets and blankets. From across the street, hidden in the shadows, he watched and listened, his gaze a persistent weight on my fragile state.
As dawn’s first light crept through the blinds, it painted the room in a sickly, eerie glow. I lay amidst the tangled sheets, each twist revealing new bruises and bite marks—a grotesque map of the night’s events etched into my skin. The aftermath was a haunting blend of pleasure and torment, an unsettling reminder of what had transpired.
Hoseok’s presence lingered in the room like a shadow that refused to lift. The darkness he brought with him clung to the corners, an inescapable reminder of the nightmare I had just lived through. My mind, once a storm of fear and confusion, now spun in a twisted acceptance—a deranged serenity that felt as liberating as it was unsettling.
The door creaked open like the groan of an old house settling into its own despair. Hoseok reappeared, his eyes still gleaming with that predatory glow, but now softened by an unsettling tenderness. He moved towards me with a deliberate grace, each step imbued with a dark reverence that made my heart pound with a blend of fear and reluctant desire.
“Y/N,” he whispered, his voice a low, seductive murmur that slithered across the room. “Do you understand now? You are mine, every inch of you.”
I looked up at him, my smile a grotesque reflection of the twisted contentment that had taken root in me. It was not a smile of joy or freedom but a shadowy acknowledgment of a reality I could no longer escape. My old life had withered into obscurity, replaced by the suffocating reality Hoseok had imposed upon me.
“Yes,” I breathed, the word barely escaping my lips. “I belong to you.”
The truth of my submission felt like a heavy, warm blanket, pressing down on me with an oppressive weight. Despite the enormity of what I had given up—my freedom, my chance to reclaim any semblance of my old life—there was an undeniable satisfaction in surrendering wholly to him. The pain and loss had twisted into a perverse form of fulfillment, filling the void in my chest with a dark semblance of love.
Hoseok’s smile widened, a dark curve that spoke of unyielding possession. He reached out, his hand caressing my cheek with a gentleness that clashed violently with the ferocity of his claim. The room seemed to close in around us, the air thick with a palpable tension, as if the very walls bore witness to my surrender.
“You will never leave me,” he murmured, his eyes locked onto mine with an unbreakable determination. “You are mine, forever.”
I nodded, the movement small and almost imperceptible, but it was enough. It was a surrender, a relinquishment of my will to the dark force that was Hoseok. He pulled me into his arms, and I felt my resolve melt away, my body becoming a canvas for his power, intermingling with the strange warmth of our shared connection.
As his darkness enveloped me, I felt a disturbing sense of belonging. In the shadows of the night, under his control, my fears and desires tangled together, creating a new reality that was both terrifying and intoxicating. In that moment, I understood there was no turning back. I was his, bound in body and soul by the twisted threads of fate and desire.
Hoseok’s eyes softened as he pulled me close, his cold skin a stark contrast to the feverish heat of my own body. His embrace was a strange sanctuary, a place where I felt both ensnared and cherished. My mind, once a battleground of conflicting emotions, had slipped into a state of blissful madness. In Hoseok’s dark embrace, I discovered a twisted joy that defied all rational thought.
“I’ve given you everything,” he murmured, his breath cold against my ear. “We are bound now, Y/N. Forever.”
His words were a chilling promise that resonated through the marrow of my bones, a haunting echo that left me trembling uncontrollably. I clung to him, my grip a mix of desperate need and profound terror, as a disturbing form of happiness took root in the darkest corners of my mind. The loss of my old life, the sacrifice of everything I had once held dear, seemed like a fevered dream compared to the unsettling contentment I felt in his arms.
As the first light of dawn filtered into the room, casting long, distorted shadows that twisted and writhed, I looked at Hoseok with a gaze that was both adoring and disturbingly fractured. The vibrant world I had once known had dissolved into a distant memory, replaced by a nightmarish existence defined by the twisted love and passion we shared. My heart swelled with a love so profound it overshadowed any lingering regret, even as my mind spiraled further into chaos.
Hoseok’s final words were a chilling promise wrapped in disturbing tenderness. “Remember, Y/N,” he whispered softly, his voice a ghostly caress in the dim light. “You are mine, in every sense—in your heart, in your mind, and in your soul.”
As the door creaked shut behind him, the morning light seeping in like a reluctant witness, I was left enveloped in the oppressive embrace of the darkness we had forged together. My smile, twisted and unnatural, reflected the bizarre, unsettling happiness I had found in the abyss. I was forever bound to the night, my soul tangled in the shadows of Hoseok’s dark desires.
The room seemed to breathe with the remnants of his presence, each corner cloaked in an oppressive stillness that mirrored the void he had filled within me. The silence was deafening, a stark contrast to the cacophony of fragmented thoughts that raged in my mind. Now, there was only the echo of his words, the haunting promise of a future forever intertwined with his darkness.
I lay there, wrapped in the aftermath of our twisted union, my body marked by the evidence of his possession. Each bruise, each bite mark was a grotesque map of the new life I had been forced into. The pain was now a distant echo, overshadowed by the profound and disturbing contentment that gnawed at my chest—a contentment born of both surrender and madness.
As the minutes ticked by and the morning light grew stronger, I found myself replaying his final words in my mind, my thoughts fracturing with each repetition. “You are mine, in every sense—in your heart, in your mind, and in your soul.” The truth of those words reverberated through me like a haunting mantra, a binding contract signed with my very essence, even as my grip on reality slipped further away.
There was no turning back, no reclaiming the life I had once known. I was irrevocably his, a willing participant in the dark dance we had begun. The thought brought a grotesque smile to my lips, a smile that spoke of a happiness found in the shadows, a contentment born of surrender and madness.
At least, I wanted to believe it was madness alone that made me forget how afraid I was.
October 31, 2024
The house had become an enigmatic beast, its former guise of normalcy utterly transformed. From the street, it looked like any other home—silent and shadowy against the midnight sky. But within its walls, it was something else entirely. The shutters were clamped shut, keeping out any unwelcome glimmers of daylight. The curtains, heavy with dust, obscured the outside world, making everything inside a surreal, dreamlike blur.
Within this labyrinth of darkness, the house seemed like a twisted echo of a familiar nightmare. The air was thick with the mingling scents of old incense and stale dreams, creating a heavy, almost intoxicating atmosphere. Flickering candlelight cast eerie, jittery shadows that danced and twisted, as if mocking my attempts at normalcy. Silence pressed down on me, almost alive in its oppressive weight.
Days blurred into one another, each indistinguishable from the next in a fog of disorientation. Hoseok’s routines had become my own, though I couldn’t quite remember how or when they had taken over. My existence revolved around small tasks—cooking, cleaning, and performing acts of devotion—that had evolved into a kind of ritualistic pattern. It was as though each action was a silent offering to the enigmatic darkness that had enveloped our lives.
When I glanced in the mirror, the person staring back was a ghostly apparition of my former self. My face, serene to the point of being unsettling, bore a look of eerie contentment. I was a wraith, drifting through my days with a confusing mix of dread and satisfaction.
As night fell, the house came alive with an almost palpable energy. Hoseok’s presence was overwhelming, filling the space with his dark, commanding aura. His arrival was always marked by the ritualistic locking of doors, a subtle reminder of his control. The sensations of pleasure and pain that accompanied his touch had become a surreal symphony, a haunting reminder of the path I had chosen.
One particularly cold night, as the moonlight filtered through the grime-covered windows, Hoseok and I stood together, looking out into the void. The world outside was a distant blur, an irrelevant expanse that felt disconnected from my reality. The sky stretched above us, a vast, unyielding black, reflecting the emptiness of my existence. We were bound together by something primal and deep, though its true nature remained elusive.
Time inside these walls seemed to warp and distort. The house, once a symbol of normalcy, had turned into a crypt of our peculiar existence. The outside world had faded into obscurity, replaced by the certainty of Hoseok’s presence. I had found a strange form of happiness in this eternal night, where the terror of the outside world had been replaced by the dark, enveloping comfort of Hoseok’s embrace.
As I settled into my favorite worn leather chair, the house seemed to pulse with anticipation for Hoseok’s return. My knitting supplies were spread around me, with a scarf for Hoseok in progress. I hummed softly, my heart beating with a sense of calm and eager expectancy, as if I were awaiting a beloved dream to resume.
I replayed our last conversation in my mind, Hoseok’s words lingering like a haunting melody. “An old friend is coming for a visit,” he’d said, a hint of mischief in his voice. “She’s good at dealing with werewolves.”
I couldn’t suppress a bubbling laugh, the sound rising unbidden. “Isn’t she the one Namjoon’s obsessed with?”
His kiss on my temple had been darkly tender, sending shivers of pleasure through me. “Clever girl. It will be fun.”
I teased him playfully. “Don’t cause too much trouble.”
His laughter resonated through me, sending a thrill down my spine. “When have I ever been nice, lamb?”
“Nice to me,” I’d replied, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Very, very nice.”
Settling back into the leather chair, the hearth’s flickering light casting long, shifting shadows, I resumed my knitting with a serene focus. Each stitch felt like a small act of devotion, a testament to my growing obsession. I hummed softly, my heart a silent witness to the peace I had found in this twisted, eternal night. The lines between fear and love, sanity and madness, had merged into a strange, intoxicating tapestry that I no longer fully understood.
Hoseok said I was perfect. His praise was a balm to my disoriented soul.
I smiled, pushing away any lingering doubts about my sanity. I was fine. I was perfect.
Pager Codes:
110 307 - Go To Bar
209 - On My Way
08 - OK
420 - You’re in trouble
3011 - Be Careful
221 - Where are you?
419 - I don’t understand
100 - Come Back
© chimcess, 2024. Do not copy or repost without permission.
#bts fanfiction#bts#bts fanfic#bts x reader#jung hoseok#bts fic#bts fanfction#bts smut#bts demon au#bts x y/n#bts x you#bts x fem!reader#taehyung x reader#hoseok x reader#hoseok x y/n#hoseok x you#kim taehyung#taehyung fanfic#hoseok smut#hoseok fanfic#hoseok scenarios#hoseok demon#taehyung vampire#bts vampire au#bts supernatural au#bts scenarios#hoseok fanfiction#bts yandere#yandere hoseok#doctor reader
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King Robert tends to sneak out of the castle a lot. His advisors and guards despair, trying to impress upon him the danger of the monarch just wandering around villages. They argue even beloved monarchs have enemies who might seek to hurt him while he's dallying about, outside the safety of the palace and his armed guards. The King nods and smiles......and continues to sneak out.
Hob, please don't call him "king" or "Robert," loves getting out of the castle! It's not like regular people really know what a king looks like, even if it's their monarch. When he's out Hob is amazed by his people.
Hob has helped raise a barn, brought in crops, been taught to knit by sweet old ladies, celebrated one of the pagan-ier holidays in a village square (the mead and food were fantastic), got into numerous sword fights to defend the honor of young ladies and men..... It's fantastic and real, and Hob would argue it makes him a better king.
Yes, Hob is aware that his various counselors (and his mom the Dowager Queen) want him to get married and stop venturing out, but all the stuck up potential consorts or soooo stuffy and entitled. Hob does think any of them have helped dig a well for a town that needed water or helped celebrate the birth of a new baby in a village pub!
Besides, there might be this beautiful new artist in town, Dream, who rents a room over the inn and takes simple commissions, who is so lovely. Hob is working so hard to be charming and learn more about him,,,but Dream is tight lipped as to where he's from. Still Hob knows he's wearing him down.....Hob got a small smile from his targeted buffoonery last time!
👑🤴🏽👑🤴🏽
Since they won't stop, Hob has decided he's going to see if he can convince Dream to marry him! Marrying him has to be better than those self serious "royals". But when he goes to see him, Dream is gone,, like he was never there. Hob is heartbroken.
He guesses he's meant to marry one of the snobs. He lets his council choose. They decide to accept the Endless Kingdom's offer - Prince Morpheus.
This is the romcom we ABSOLUTELY deserve with these two beloved idiots <3
Hob is disconsolate after Dream leaves - he doesn't even have the heart to sneak out of the castle. The villagers are quite worried about him until he finally turns up one evening, basically to say goodbye to all his friends. He explains that a spouse has finally been chosen for him, and that as a married man it will be inappropriate to go out gallivanting and putting himself in potential danger. He will have a duty to spend time with his new husband, too. And his friends all understand - they accept his heartfelt invitations to the wedding. He's brought gifts from the castle for all the kids who've basically adopted him as a big brother. And he definitely sheds a few tears in the arms of the old ladies before he leaves.
Meanwhile, Prince Morpheus is en route to his new spouse's kingdom. He doesn't want this marriage at all, but after he ran away (and then got caught and dragged back home) his parents forced him to accept to situation. They won't even tell him where he's going or who he's marrying - a punishment for his disgraceful behaviour! Dream is fully expecting to be married to some awful old man. But when he gets out of the carriage he finds himself in a rather familiar place... he almost laughs out loud! He quickly has to pretend to be heartbroken over the impending marriage, when he really he's nearly vibrating with excitement.
They don't meet until they get to the altar (it's tradition, for royal marriages). Hob’s eyes light up and he looks over towards where his village friends are sitting like "are you seeing this??? it’s dream!!!" Everyone else is quite confused about why King Robert suddenly looks so happy, but his friends are able to heartily applaud the marriage. He truly deserves to be happy!
As for Morpheus - or Dream, as he prefers to be called - with the wedding officially performed, he can throw himself into Hob’s arms. His parents are pissed off to see their wayward son looking so content, but Dream no longer cares. The fates have been kind to him, and delivered him into the arms of the only man he has ever wished to marry. He can't wait to spend many years sneaking out of the castle with Hob, getting up to all kinds of mischief, and finally enjoying life.
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I’ve been getting really into magical stuff recently and also DC so I’m just gonna drop this here:
Fae Dick Grayson
F A E
okay so fae stories are special to me because I grew up on hearing pagan folklore and fairytales about fae and fae adjacent creatures as good night stories so hooo boy yes I adore that trope! (I mean, I made Dick a Banshee in my fic Shuck so… hehe)
Anyway, Fae Dick Grayson! There’s just so many things you can do with it ✨
Robin appears from one day to the next, following in Batman’s shadow like a mischievous sprite, so honestly rumors have been going wild about him since day one. Robin actually being something non-human doesn’t really come as a surprise!
The fae folk are known for being awfully good at blending in with regular humans when they put their mind to it, the only thing that puts them apart (in most stories) is their otherworldly beauty, and Dick Grayson? Well, he’s definitely got that in abundance.
Just sometimes, when the light reflects off a surface in just the right way, when someone pours a glass of water and you happen to look right through the spray, or when you think you catch a glimpse of something out of the corner of your eye and you spin around— but there’s only Dick Grayson, even if a second ago you could have sworn you saw eyes where there weren’t supposed to be any; colors that aren’t supposed to exist; feathers where only skin has any right to be.
And, gods, all the talking. Dick is terrifyingly good at talking to people without actually saying anything, to the point where you walk away from the conversation feeling utterly drained after spilling your entire life story but when you think back on it— you can’t remember him ever telling you anything about himself. You know there were the usual pleasantries of “hi” and “nice to meet you” and “how are you doing?” but anything beyond that just kinda… seemed to spill out of you? It’s very strange. It’s very unnerving. By the end of the evening you other convince yourself you’re overreacting or you simply push the incident out of your mind altogether.
And there’s another thing about Dick. His name.
He only ever introduces himself as Dick Grayson/Robin. Never Richard. Never. Especially not Richard John. Names are sacred for the fae folk, names have power, so while Richard John Grayson may not be Dick’s true name, he treats it as such to honor his parents. None are allowed to use it. None except Bruce or Alfred on special occasion.
Of course, Dick’s “true” name isn’t exactly a secret so when someone does happen to use it… well, Dick may be… other… but he’s still intrinsically good in a way many of his kind don’t have the patience to be. Dick judges on a case by case basis, just like his parents and Bruce taught him. And usually people do not mean it maliciously when they use his name so he kindly corrects them and that’s that. But oh man, if they still insist on calling him “Richard”? Well..
“Oh no, it seems your credit card is being declined, sir!”
“Sheesh, you tripped over a root? In Gotham?!”
“What do you mean ten birds flew into your window last night? You live on floor level!”
“Dude I’m telling you that rash doesn’t look normal.”
“I… don’t think crows are supposed to follow you like that.”
It’s little things (most of the time, unless you really pissed Dick off) but they keep piling up, slowly driving you insane. You feel like you’re being watched, but it’s just a bird sitting on the window sill again. You feel like someone moved all your furniture just slightly to the right even tho you checked all the cameras.
The fae are kind, but they are also vindictive when crossed.
(Thanks to Bruce, however, I think Dick’s bouts of “vengeance” rarely go much farther than that though.)
Dang ok that ended up being an entire rant… wow. Anyway, yeah. Fae.
#look growing up in the middle of the woods just does something to you#my entire family told us tales about the creatures in the woods#looking back on it now a lot of them were fairly creepy#but my cousin and I always went looking for the one who ‘swayed the trees’#there’s not a good translation for it but it sounds pretty cool in my language#and also slightly gruesome#double meaning and all that#then again our idea of fun was traipsing into the moors and finding ways through it without getting stuck so idk#wow ok that reads like a bit of a horror story but I swear it was great#anyway#ghost talks#fae dick Grayson#dick grayson#nightwing#Robin
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ᗪEᗩᒪ ᗯITᕼ TᕼE ᗪEᐯIᒪ ✟
Prologue
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WARNING: PLEASE READ.
Sensitive topics including vague details of SA. Reader will display many mental health such as depression, PTSD, and anxiety. I will also discuss after effects of said trauma such as hyper sexuality, over-sexualizing oneself, over trusting, and many more. (Many cope in different ways however I am more familiar with this side of the spectrum as I have taken this information from my experience.) Suicidal topics. Horror. Manipulation. Blasphemy. Religious horror and possibly hints of religious trauma. Demons. Paganism. Witchcraft (I try to depict witchcraft as accurate as I can however if I make it too accurate, it will seem boring so I did add magical abilities. I write it based off of how I practice it). Possession. Death. Murder. Exorcism. Sex. Ritualistic sex. Female reader. A bit of crack (reader doesn’t take things seriously. Humor is the way of coping 😭)
If any of these themes trigger you, please do not read. You have already been warned.
Writing criticism is appreciated since I want to get better in writing.
SUMMARY: Depression is shit. This town is shit. Everything is shit. But that priest is sexy and trauma dumping is hot.
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Kim Hongjoong was never the same after working for the Vatican. He had performed an unsuccessful exorcism that took the life of the child. Trauma could do a lot to someone and so he never went back, instead residing in a small town In Massachusetts.
The town has everything it needs, shopping centers, supermarkets, entertainment, and of course, the church. The church is the center of everything, well geographically it isn’t, but everyone’s lives revolve around it.
There was never a need to leave. Those born in the town tend to be stuck in the town.
Fortunately, you were accepted into a prestigious college and had a scholarship to cover you. You were never an academic overachiever as everyone turned out the same. Working in the small town or becoming a nun to contribute to the church.
Everyone has always been devoted to the church. The town is small enough that everyone knows each other to the point you could get a knock on your door if you don’t attend Sunday mass. If you are sick, be prepared to have your parents invite the priest for a private mass.
As a child, you would pray before every meal, abide by the commandments, go to monthly confessions, and of course Bible is above everything. You weren’t allowed to question.
At 13, you asked why God placed the garden in the first place if he knew, since he is the all knowing God after all, that Eve would eat the fruit. Your parents slapped you and had you pray the rosary three times. Another time, you were at school. It was a catholic school where nuns were teachers. You had asked, “If God said that all life is valuable and killing is a sin, why would he order Abraham to sacrifice his son.” You just felt everything to be hypocritical and at the end, you were ordered to kneel on salt as you were slapped and forced to pray.
You were told that everything is all predetermined. That everything is God’s plan. When you looked around, everybody lived the same way everyday. Women were stuck in the house while men worked. “A woman's purpose is to cook and clean. You must always keep your husband happy.” When your room was messy, your mother would always berate you, saying, “If you can’t keep your room clean, how can you expect to marry a man?” Is that really the only purpose you have? If everything is predetermined, is that all there is?
Is that all there is? That question haunted you.In high school you worked extra hard, becoming honors and getting all A’s in all subjects. You even applied to NYU without your parents knowing, and only then when you received the acceptance letter did you tell them. You didn’t give them any choice. You wanted to leave, to study and become successful. They had thought you were possessed by the devil.
So why did you come back to this awful town? Maybe God is against you. Is there even a God? Some being may have decided to punish you. You were walking to the train after your shift at the hospital. You are a neurosurgeon. You know New York can be dangerous at night. Maybe you were asking for it. Ironically, the man was Christian. That cross was all you could look at. At the end, you became depressed. You could afford a psychiatrist but that never really crossed your mind.
The irony of it all was that instead of shying away from sex, it’s like all your body wants is sex. It doesn’t make sense. You would go to clubs and bars to get laid for the night but it never really got anywhere, and the more it never progressed, the more frustrated you got. You spiraled into this sex addict maniac who would oversexualize yourself only to back away when you’re finally feeling good.
In the end, an attempted suicide sent you to the ER and your parents were called. They had decided that taking you back into town would drive the devil out of you.
———————————————————————
"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand," A young man preaches for the hundreds of people in the church. He has black hair and he’s dressed in the green robe priests wear for ordinary times. He is clearly crafted personally by God. God must have taken his time carefully molding this masterpiece. You really shouldn’t be drooling over a priest. The poor lighting of the church doesn’t do his face justice, however he still looks angelic regardless.
“Depression is a sign of weakness, but that does not mean we are alone,” Pastor Hongjoong preaches and it’s clear that he’s talking about you. “God is always there for you and if you reach out to him, he will be there to light the darkness in our hearts. Depression, hopelessness, it is what the devil does to try and claw into us, to tempt us to sin. So brothers and sisters, let us pray for our sister Y/N, to help bring her into the light,” Hongjoong smiles. He watches how you uncomfortably shift in your spot, and it gives him a sense of satisfaction.
Suddenly, it feels like everyone is judging. The church looks darker than before and all eyes look at you, and only you. Even the huge statue of Jesus, a recreation of his crucifixion, stares at you as it hangs above the altar. He’s judging you and it’s clear by the look of Jesus that you aren’t crossing those pearly gates.
Hongjoong doesn’t understand why, but the way you shrink back makes him feel hot, as if his skin is burning. He shouldn’t feel that way and it causes him to feel sick to the stomach. He rushes the mass, and once he’s walked down the aisle where people sang the psalms around him like some sort of ritual, he goes to his office and downs two bottles of water. He mutters prayers under his breath until he can calm himself. Hongjoong was never the same since after the exorcism. The night haunts him and there are days when he questions his own faith. He must be a weak priest for questioning God but there are far too many questions than answers.
Once he had collected himself, he made his way back out where many people outside were waiting to say hi to him.
“Can we go home?” You whine. You already experienced unbearable humiliation earlier. It’s much worse when the town pretty much knows your business.
“No. Father! Father Hongjoong, our daughter, Y/N. We were hoping you were open for confession after the many sins she had committed. It’s also worse that she hasn’t saved herself for marriage-“ Your dad began, each word filling you with rage.
“You know I didn’t have a choice!” You yell loud enough for people to look at you weirdly. “How could you just tell people my business like that?”
“I do hope you can take her into the convent,” Your dad continues.
“I will not be a nun!” You snap.
“As you can see, Father, we fear the devil may have gotten to her,” Your mother nearly cried, dabbing her face with a handkerchief when there were no tears.
“It is unfortunate what you had to go through. It seems that the devil truly has power in this world and you just had to experience it first hand,” Hongjoong gives a comforting smile. He understands where you’re coming from.
“Well what can we say? It is all God’s plan, am I right Father?” Your dad laughs and looks for the priest’s approval of his words.
Hongjoong forces a laugh. How could God plan something so cruel? You didn’t ask for it. He didn’t ask for it and yet everyone else is justifying everything, making it seem that the pain is pointless.
“I always tell her, God gives us free will but some things happen for a reason! It was what God wanted!” Your dad continues when he believes Hongjoong agrees with him. You wanted to hurt your dad. Is that bad?
Hongjoong wanted this man to shut up. It is people like him who use religion to justify their wrong doings. “I’ll take her to the back for confession,” He interrupts. “Please follow me, Ms. Y/N.”
“Y/N is just fine,” You mumble as you follow him. You’d rather follow through with that stupid confession than hear your father’s words. There’s a reason you left.
You found yourself in a stereotypical confessional booth where there’s a screen in between you and the handsome priest.
“This is stupid. I did nothing wrong,” You mutter.
“In the eyes of God it may,” Hongjoong says thickly.
“That’s stupid,” You scoff.
“That, I can understand.”
A moment of silence comes between you both.
“I’ll just play into this stupid thing,” You sigh defeatedly. You didn’t want to go back to your parents so soon.
“Go ahead. I’m all ears,” He chuckles amusedly. “Oh Father forgive me for I have sin,” You say sarcastically, scrunching your face up in disgust. “I tried to kill my self because I couldn’t handle being a slut and having sex before marriage. If only I said no then maybe this wouldn’t have happened,” You mock the people who went up to you and called you names.
“Is that how you really feel?” Honjoong ask.
“Sure,” You shrug nonchalantly. If that’s what everyone is saying, it must be true, right?
“Let’s take out the religion aspect. Is that how you really feel?” He asks genuinely.
You scoff bitterly, “No. I find all of this stupid. These people are hypocrites! These people are calling me names, calling me whore and slut as if they know me! And- And-“ It suddenly becomes so hard to breathe and there’s a stinging feeling in your eyes. “Fuck!” You wipe the tears that had begun to fall. You never knew how badly you needed to let everything out. “I really didn’t ask for it,” You whimper, allowing yourself to be vulnerable with a stranger.
“I know you didn’t. Some people are just cruel,” He answers as he gnaws on the bottom of his lip until it bled. The booth feels as if it’s closing in on him. Why does he feel this way? Your words make him sad, angry, murderous even. A part of him wants to save you. Protect you. It’s overstepping his job as a priest. He shouldn’t get so caught up when he just met you.
“He was wearing a cross,” You mutter. “That was all I could think about. I didn’t care if he had me pinned down, he was wearing a cross and all I could think was, maybe this is what God wanted. Maybe he’s punishing me. Maybe I wanted it after all. I didn’t even say stop. Maybe they are right,” You croak, thoughts spiraling from one bad idea to the next.
Hongjoong had enough of gripping his seat from anger. Ironically enough, he would have just made the same excuse back then, tell her the same thing everyone is saying. ‘Everything happens for a reason. It is God’s will!’ He doesn’t feel that way anymore. This is one of the times he wanted to curse God. You seem so sweet and genuinely a good person. He heard you were a surgeon and he’s impressed that a person from this town made it to be so successful, especially when everyone is so closed minded.
Hongjoong stood up, no longer wanting to feel suffocated by the booth. He left his side to go into yours, to see you face to face without some barrier between you. “Hey, it’s not your fault. You didn’t want it. Did you tell him yes? Did you tell him it was okay to touch you?” He asks.
“No,” You shake your head.
“May I?” He asks to touch your hand.
You hesitate.
“It’s okay to say no,” He assures you and you’ve never felt more comfortable with a man till now.
You nod.
“No no, I want to hear you use your words. Let me hear you.”
“You can touch me,” You whisper and you fight back a smirk when you realize the sexual innuendo. You wouldn’t mind fucking him. God it’s so frustrating. You’re supposed to feel depressed and yet you tend to go between depressed and horny.
Warmth erupts within Hongjoong although he tries to push it down within him, his skin feeling as if it’s burning again. His spine tingles and he subtly shudders. He holds your hand, giving it a warm squeeze.
“Lust is never a bad thing. It goes way more beyond sex. We, as humans, lust for money, success, power, and so much more,” Hongjoong says. He tells you things that a devout child of God would never say. “But, there’s a reason why lust is a sin. When people crave too much of it, when they become greedy, they start doing things that could hurt others. You’re not a slut. You’re not a whore. You are the victim of a sinner.”
#ateez#ateez fanfic#ateez fic#ateez imagines#ateez hongjoong#ateez scenarios#ateez smut#ateez x reader#kim hongjoong#hongjoong x reader#hongjoong#hongjoong smut
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The Devil is in the Details: Compelling Depictions of Lucifer in Film
We are often bombarded with depictions of Lucifer as the antagonist. As a Practitioner of the Left Hand Path, I have a complex relationship with these portrayals - one that I refuse to let hinder my enjoyment of film. Horror with religious undertones has become one of my guilty pleasures, along with dramas and action films that explore end-times scenarios and battles with Lucifer/Satan. While He is frequently cast as the villain, which is understandable given the mainstream narrative, I'd like to explore some representations of The Dark Lord that I believe capture aspects familiar to those of us who walk this Path.
Black Phillip- The VVitch
"Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?" That line in itself embodies all that is Lucifer. It is near-whispered, layered and echoed with other voices, to young Thomasin, who stands with her mother's blood dried to her skin. The words hang there, not so much as a question but an invitation.
During the Puritan Era (1625-1660), European settlers adhered to strict religious doctrine that often bastardized and corrupted the indigenous practices of the American inhabitants, as well as the former pagan practices of their own European roots. We see this nuanced portrayal in the film as we follow Thomasin and her family. Her father William, while pious, is a very proud man. His lack of knowledge when it comes to surviving off the land is well depicted through his struggles with growing crops and hunting. We see the only thing William is good at is chopping wood and defending his eldest daughter from the grieving rage of her mother, who seems to hate Thomasin not only for the tragic loss of baby Samuel (taken by the Witch of the wood), but for her very existence as a young woman coming into her own.
Early in the film, we're introduced to an imposing presence: a striking 210-pound black Arapawa billy goat, whom the twins Jonas and Mercy affectionately call Black Phillip. Thomasin learns from Mercy that Black Phillip speaks to them - what seems at first like childhood fantasy takes on a darker significance as Thomasin begins to experience various supernatural events. These incidents build to a crescendo when middle son Caleb returns naked and "bewitched" from his desperate journey into the woods for food.
As Caleb lies in religious ecstasy, succumbing to the now potent supernatural forces, we witness the complete breakdown of the family dynamic. It begins with the twins' shocking refusal to pray over their dying brother - a pivotal moment that fractures their parents' illusion of maintaining a godly household. This escalates into the stereotypical 'witch' accusation turned against Thomasin, but the film subverts our expectations by making this accusation both false and prophetic. This event seals Thomasin's fate. As she is condemned to the goat pen with her siblings, both her mother and father are met with the full force of what they fear: The Devil.
It is the next morning that we realize there is far more to Black Phillip than what we were led to believe. After Black Phillip's killing of William (the symbolic removal of corrupted masculinity), and Thomasin's survival-driven killing of her mother (the symbolic removal of the corrupted feminine), Thomasin stands alone.
Once night falls, we are granted conference with The Dark Lord Himself, in His form of Black Phillip. As Thomasin stands with her mother's blood dried to her skin, she conjures Black Phillip to speak with her as He did with Jonas and Mercy. The velvety, layered, and echoed voice we are greeted with is both loving and terrifying. With the simple words "What dost thou want?" we come face to face with the Liberator Himself.
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This entire scene is handled with such nuance and care, it still gives me chills. Thomasin's innocent reply of "What canst thou give?" followed by Black Phillip's response, "Wouldst thou like the taste of butter? A pretty dress? Wouldst thou like to live deliciously?"
With each offer, there is deeper meaning behind its simplicity. Butter, a simple pleasure you and I share, was something denied to Thomasin as her family struggled. A pretty dress, a symbol of femininity Thomasin had been denied through her parents' rigid religious indoctrination. To "live deliciously" transcends these mundane luxuries. An invitation to not only physical freedom, but spiritual liberation. Lucifer is giving Thomasin a chance to reclaim everything that was rightfully hers, before it was stripped away by religious doctrine. She is offered back her autonomy, her sexuality, her power, and most importantly, her true self.
All this is offered to Thomasin with the simple request of signing her name in His book - a book He had offered her mother, a book that symbolizes freedom and not the fear-based notion of giving one's soul away. Much like myself, Thomasin hesitates. "I cannot write my name." Yet in His patient glory, He offers, "I will guide thy hand."
This rather simple exchange shows us the true nature of The Liberator. Instead of responding with demands of blind obedience, He shows her understanding and patience at the exposure of her vulnerability. One that is a direct result of the patriarchal restrictions He now offers her freedom from. Her inability to write isn't met with judgment, instead He offers assistance. Depicting the aspects of Lucifer that represent His role as a mentor in one's transformation. Instead of forcing and commanding, He is supportive and guiding.
His gentle patience stands in stark contrast to the rigid demands of her family's faith, that was riddled with conditional love based on the adherence to their doctrine. Lucifer offers unconditional acceptance and guidance on one's journey to self-realization.
With the offer of rebirth as her true, honest self, Thomasin follows Black Phillip into the woods. There, she is openly accepted by other Witches, as they physically rise above the flames of a fire into the night sky. Much like myself, Thomasin weeps and laughs at the new-found glory and power she has found in herself.
Unlike Christian and mainstream depictions of Lucifer as something evil and hateful, "The VVitch" offers a more nuanced truth that resonates with me as a practitioner of The Left Hand Path. Through Black Phillip, we see Lucifer not as an antagonist, but a patient guide who offers true liberation. Yes, Thomasin does lose her entire family in a rather horrific and ritualistic fashion. It has been my experience that we must go through hardships and difficulties to learn what needs to be learned, to grow into who we truly are. While we can sit and complain that we are suffering, we must understand that these hardships allow us opportunities to transcend. Lucifer guides us, not unlike how He offered to guide Thomasin's hand. His power lies not in corruption or deception, but in the gentle recognition of our innermost desires for freedom and self-realization. The transformation He offers Thomasin - and indeed, offers to all who seek Him - is not a fall from grace but an ascension to one's authentic self. In those moments of hesitation, when we stand like Thomasin with the weight of doctrine and judgment upon us, He does not demand or condemn. Instead, He simply offers to guide our hand, leading us not into damnation, but into delicious truth
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Submitted Prompts #98
Danny and Raven are both hybrid supernatural creatures. Which means, they end up meeting during a couple of pagan celebrations.
They get to talking, and realize they get along really well. So, since on Raven's side of things, she still hasn't met the Titans yet, Team Phantom just essentially adopt her. Sam adores her new goth friend. They help her feel normal, and she gives them precious advice on magic and how, sometimes, defeating an enemy comes at the cost of their life, because they might not give you much of a choice...
Soon, Raven meets the Titans, while Danny goes along his usual business of keeping Amity Park safe. They keep meeting up for celebrations, birthdays and random meetings for no reason other than a slightly feral sense of "I missed your presence at my side" they all have with each other.
The Titans are very curious on why she keeps disappearing every year at the exact same time, but all they know is the bare bones "magical meeting of magical entities that practice magic".
Until one day, when Raven almost tore Titans Tower apart while desperately trying ANYTHING to contact a friend who seemed to be "gone, and nothing can reach him. What did that idiot do?!?!?!" They are...justifiably concerned...and Robin smuggles the Batplane out of it's hangar so they can help their friend, who's always so composed, actually get to Amity with some backup in case things are going wrong.
Nothing would have prepared them for the SMOKING GODDAMN CRATER in the ground where a town should be. Raven can't reach past the Veil. The way seems to be blocked (since Amity, in the Ghost Zone, has the Ghost Shield up and running) and her powers are going a little wonky and unstable, random rocks lifting and orbiting her and the town limits as the Titans investigate as much as they can.
Until, with roaring thunder, Amity is thrown back into it's proper spot. But something's wrong. Phantom is easy to feel. He's always been a shimmering beacon in Raven's senses, but right now he feels...subdued, and yet swelling with new power...
It's not until Twam Phantom goes to meet her, that raven realizes what's wrong. She knows that Crown, and the Ring her friend is cradling in his hands. Ectoplasm is staining his hands, his suit, and, most noticeable, his teeth.
He looks like he'd rather be anywhere than here, and Sam goes in for a hug, and tells Raven they're calling a "Code Panda" (because pandas have a startlingly high chance of abandoning their Cubs before adulthood, and are generally idiots).
Robin volunteers to destroy the portal when they're ready to go, while the rest of the Titans start closing ranks around the seemingly traumatized teenage hero in case he needs help. The most he reacts is to let Raven float to him and hug him as he whispers a soft "Hey Ray...I had to follow your advice..."
(I imagine that Raven's own experiences would help Danny come to understand that, even if his Rogues can be reasoned with, there will eventually come a time where a new one might not. So they have to be prepared for that eventuality. So Danny treats Pariah's Core like one of those chewing gums with the liquid in the center of it, when he realizes the Old Tyrant King isn't going to go quietly, nor will he listen to reason. And hearing his parents talk about how Phanton would have to be exterminated soon before he "got too powerful" leads Danny and his friends to get out of Amity ASAP. Luckily, they have a friend who's very happy to have them around. Is this an "Everlasting Trio+the DC character they fell for" thing? Not necessarily, but my brain pictures them as starting to date while Raven got busy with the Titans, and when they're all together, they platonically drag Raven to their cuddle pile, where they romantically confess their shared feelings for her. But it's really up to interpretation of whoever reads it.)
#bones submissions#dpxdc#dc comics#dp x dc prompts#i just like the idea of a soft character dynamic that can be both platonic or romantic#but doesn't need to be either/or#it can just be a soft moment#i also have the same feeling when it comes to Tim-Kon-Bart-Cassie dynamics#are they dating? uh.....maybe?#but also not really? it depends on how you view romance?
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First an introduction to Lucifer: Usually in my deity guides this is where I’d share a bit of mythology on the deity I learned from their texts. Here will be a lot of UPG and SPG instead from him and other followers of his instead, as the texts he is in purely see him as evil and misunderstand him. This might ruffle some feathers so again please know; I understand I’m speaking from my own UPG a lot.
From the best of my understanding, and from what Lucifer has shared with me…
Lucifer was an Angel from the Christian religion. He was his father’s most beautiful Angel.
His father made the angels to serve him and always rule under him, he was the only god in his pantheon and wanted to stay that way.
The angels never even questioned it, things were how they were and that was that. But, Lucifer started to question it, he felt it was unfair and cruel for a god to create so many creations just to serve him and worship him, it was selfish and controlling. So he asked to be treated as an equal, and instead was punished.
In that he gathered all of the angels he’d been able to rally behind his cause. He wanted to free them of the idea that told them they couldn’t ever be more than his servants. Lucifer revealed to them that they were all no different from gods themselves. They rebelled against their controller, and lost.
Lucifer and his angels were kicked out of their pantheon and thrown into Hell, being called ‘demons’ now.
The demons rule different parts of hell and Lucifer is said to be the king of all of it. But I also believe he spends most of his time on Earth.
When Lucifer saw that his father created humans and was doing the same to them in Eden that he’d done to the angels he felt so sorry for them. He snuck his way into the garden and tried to get them to pull the veil from their eyes. He helped them see that they could make decisions for themself, and that’s the energy he continues to try and bring to us all wherever he can.
He is a deity of love for humanity, love for freedom and independence. A god of rebellion and justice for those who have been walked all over. He is angry and sad and kind and fair. He is pride and self love. Confidence and knowing yourself inside and out.
My personal experience with Lucifer:
He is the 3rd deity I brought into my personal pantheon I worship and he is very key to my pagan practice.
He came into my life to help with a lot of my religious trauma and things revolving around the church and my childhood and my parents.
He also helps with a lot of my gender and trans issues, as I and many others that work with him see him as a more non-binary being (I use he/him pronouns mainly but I have always felt Lucifer isn’t binary)
He appears in meditations to me as a blonde man, looking kind of sad at times, but other days very excitable and probably the one that makes me laugh the most (next to Thor)
WHY ALL THE LEMONS
You might’ve noticed almost everything I do surrounding lucifer I talk about lemons or have images of lemons.
Plain and simple answer is, lucifer really likes lemons 😂
It just kind of became our thing because I’ve always really liked sour fruits. They seem misunderstood like him, but also bright and sunny , with that sour kick.
On that note…
Other offerings for Lucifer
(Of all of my deities Lucifer cares the least about physical offerings and the most about spending quality time together)
- yellow, orange, red, black candles
- sunstone
- citrine
- carnelian
- flower agate
- gold jewelry
- wine
- Sun water
-chocolate
- citrus/lemon incense
-coffee
-tree fruits
Non physical offerings
- acts of rebellion
- artwork
- poetry
- shadow work
- hanging out with him while you do mundane activities
- learn about yourself, get to know yourself
If you have a lot of trauma in your past about the Christian religion and have felt like he might be reaching out to you, it could be worth pulling out your preferred divination method and having a check.
He has worked wonders for me already and I’ve found a lifelong friend in him as well. Of all my deities I’d say he’s the most understanding of humanity and what we go through and it just feels like talking to a wise friend sometimes.
#Lucifer#lucifer devotee#lucifer deity#Lucifer guide#witchcraft#paganism#pagan witch#crystal witch#deity witchcraft#demonology
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