#parasocial relationships are not healthy and I try not to develop them

[severalrodentsdrinkingtea]

It makes my heart feel really soft to see how clearly Brennan LOVES and understands Evan.

In this episode especially, when he had his heart to heart with Jammer, you can see his face screw up and hear his voice get hollow trying not to cry while he was talking, and it was just such an earnest and vulnerable discussion of his love for Jammer and his need for belonging and it was beautiful; I think it was one of my favorite character moments this season. As an actor, that honesty and depth is what we’re always trying to capture, and seeing that made me admire Bleem on a new level. Obviously the man is funny and sharp as a tack—that’s clear in everything he does—but I haven’t seen this skill set in play a lot.

[rainbowbeanstyles]

I'm gonna share here these tips this psychologist shared with us fans grieving over Liam💔(the call was for spanish speaking fans, so I'm gonna try my best to translate it). A bit long.

Validate your own grief Many people won't understand, but your grief is completely natural and you should not be ashamed of it. Grief is when you experience the loss of something or someone significant/important in your life, doesn't always have to be a family member or friend. Don't reduce the artist to an everything or your childhood They are your memories, they happened and it was great when they did. Remember them in their true nature. Try to find where to place the artist. Do not lose sight of everything else around you because of this loss. Identify your role as a fan Try not to reach a limit where you find yourself in a parasocial relationship with the artist. Express and communicate your emotions You don't need to do it with someone else, you can also express and communicate your emotions by yourself. Don't bottle them up. You can talk alone, you can write on a journal, you can scream. As long as you let it all out. Find a group of supportive people People that you know will help you during these difficult moments. They don't have to be family or friends. Between fans, you are not alone🫂 Have a healthy and centered routine If you isolate yourself constantly, your mind will get used to thinking of grief only. Have a mixed/diverse rutine. It will feel really bad at first, but eventually your mind will assimilate it and start to clear up. Identify your reach as a fan Do not overwork yourself, try not to control everything. If a decision happened without your control, it's not your fault. Attend to your own needs and reactions Grief is personal. Think about the way your hurt feels and the way it's affecting you. Try to find the best way to handle this. Expose yourself to the artist gradually As the days pass, it's good to expose yourself to the artist so you don't develop a permanent fear. Gradually expose yourself to his content. You can start by pictures, listening to little bits of songs and his voice. One second, five seconds, litte by little. Remember his music as something nice, beautiful, something happy and it will help a lot. Don't let your emotions affect your future Our emotions distort our thoughts. "I'm never going to get over this / I will never be the same", those are emotional thoughts, you have them because of fear and/or sadness. Do not let them lead you. Ask yourself "Why am I struggling to accept this? Why am I scared?". Don't condemn yourself. Confront your problems, don't run away from them Try not to depend on artists or different content and having them as a complete safe space (HARD I KNOW). Think about what's making you want to run to this content for safety. Find solutions or ways to manage situations that make you want to "hide" or "run away".

That's it! I hope me sharing this helps at least a little, I know it helped me so I thought it'd be nice to share. I tried my best, if a tip confused you, you can ask me and I'll try to explain it better💌

Also the call had a lot of views! It was very sweet that all these fans got to find a space where their feelings were validated and understood:'( Take care everybody and I'm sending you a million more hugs.

[kinjedl]

If you're cool with it I wanted to ask you something about the rpf poll. Feel totally free to ignore this though if you don't want to answer.

You said it was fine in your eyes because people are essentially writing about the persona the celebrity creates, not about their intimate innermost self. But then what do you think of explicit/shippy rpf? Romance seems inherently like it is going to be intimate and someone writing it is presumably going to try and capture what they think the celebrity's true self is.

Again really not trying to start an argument! Just curious as to your thoughts. In general I think I somewhat agree with you. Rpf like the Goncharov thing is fine in my eyes its just a fake movie, something all the people "involved" make publically. But I find the porn (both written and drawn frankly) of celebrities kinda creepy personally.

Totally cool with it! No way to figure out how you feel about a topic without talking through it.

My take on explicit RPF is: It's pretty skeezy, but also I *get* it.

On the one hand, humans are going to make up fantasies about real people. That predates parasocial relationships, because it predates the internet, and also the written word. (source: Trust me, bro).

On the other hand, I mentioned in my response to the RPF poll that I thought that it could lead to inappropriately parasocial relationships, and I think that the more intimately you depict a real person in fiction - whether that takes the form of sexual intimacy or some other form of intimacy - the more you're going to tend towards developing a parasocial relationship with that person in a way that is probably not healthy.

I personally think that written porn featuring real people is pretty cringe, and that's saying something from someone who has published a work of erotic fiction. I have no problem with written porn at all, and am (obviously) actually quite in favor of it, but all of the characters in my works come from the inside of my own head. I invented them, and I'm not trying to overlay them onto my mental image of anyone else. I'm also extremely aware of the fact that these aren't real people, and I am not in any kind of relationship with them, because they don't exist.

If you write about real people, those are both much harder to keep in mind.

If you want to write something about Brennan Lee Mulligan and Aabria Iyengar getting into some kind of a DM v DM faceoff of games because you think that'd be neat to see, I don't really have an issue with that. Their DM personas may or may not be close to their real persons, but you aren't putting yourself in a position where you're actually trying to superimpose anything especially new over your mental model of them as people. You may or may not be any good at it, but trying to extrapolate how they behave as DMs to a new situation is fine, and might be a really good mental exercise to help you learn how to predict the behavior of others better.

If you want to write about one or the other (or both) of them getting intimate with a nameless self-insert, you're committing two sins. The first is that you have no real idea how either of them behaves in an intimate setting, so really you're just makin' shit up. The second is that you're doing it about a real person, and it's really hard to separate out the things that you invent about a real person from the things you've actually seen.

Parasocial relationships are already a real problem - both for the celebrities who are the distant party in them, and for the individuals who are actively participating in a relationship that is really only one way. Doing something to get more involved in that relationship isn't particularly healthy. Humans are social creatures, and parasociality is a poor substitute for real interaction, and the fact that we have increasingly structured society to force people to rely on it in place of genuine human connection is a big problem that will eventually need to get much more attention placed on it.

This has gotten super long, so I'll summarize and wrap up:

I don't think that inventing scenarios involving other people in a sexual situation is inherently a problem - people have been masturbating and thinking "man, it would be so sexy if <he/she/they/that> put their mouth on my genitals" for millennia uncounted and human society hasn't collapsed as a result.

I do think that it's a problem if you take that to an extreme, to the point where a part of your brain becomes convinced that the relationship you've developed in your head is actually real, whether it's in the context of parasocial celebrity relationships or any others. It's the kind of thing that led to the attempted assassination of Ronald Reagan (for all the wrong reasons), and should absolutely be avoided.

It can be really hard to tell how far is too far, though, either from the inside or the outside, and it's probably mentally safer to just steer away from such a risky behavior unless you have a really solid grasp on your own social situation and mental health.

[understandableparadox]

Bottom of the barrel isekai review

did i say I was going to read something horrible for you? turns out it was horrible for me.

behold a fucking pre-amble. I think the idea of loving and being loved is a concept ambiguous enough for it to be idolized by almost anyone because the ways to love are so varied and different. unconditional, unrequited, toxic, wholesome, forbidden, destined, love has more modifiers then fucking charizard and oops we gotta update that sentence because someone on book tik tok has invented a new type of love known as Squimy love. what does this mean for your children? more at 11.

regardless we yearn for a type of romance or if you are aromantic a form of intimacy in the form of the platonic. in some cases we can form such ties with people we don't see, people that Do not know that you exist.

in worse cases, sometimes the people who don't know we exist want to foster that relationship further for their own benefit. Parasocial love.

im sure you heard it from whatever drama youtuber you have decided to use to funnel useless bits of rage bait into your ears but its a tale as old as creepy guys. streamer is a little to eager to play into the fantasy of the viewers, that they love them, that they thing You, that's right, You dear viewer are special...Then they use that to groom or take advantage of a kid and they don't go to jail and someone writes a long expose piece on them and you want them to get hit by a truck but god rarely allows such lovely Closure...

anyways that defeintly has nothing to do with the work we are unraveling today, right? right???

oh.

oh no....

god, just kill me... ok the premise is simple, the internet has been made by a reincarnated rando who has decided that anything in regards to adventuring and fighting is just not in the cards for him so he has decided to just be a streamer. The only streamer in the world...Well more of a podcaster, given his streams are soley voice. but lets not label spikes being driven into my head.

but hey, thats a intresting concept, the idea that someone has created the true information highway across a world that is fucking Eras to early for it, theres a lot of things that one can explo-

kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me kill me, please, im begging, im pleading, im a fucking deer on the side on the road stareing at you with blank uncomprehending eyes, my comprehension of Big Block Of Metal screaming down the road is null, dont let up on the gas and turn me into a grease smear so I may obtain something resembling an iota of peace of mind

NOT EVERY FUCKING CHARECTER NEEDS TO BE THE STRONGEST, THEY DONT NEED TO HAVE THE MILLION MANA MULTIPLIER, ITS OK TO BE SOMEWHAT WEAK, DID LUFFY POP OUT OF THE BARREL SCREAMING GUM GUM GIGA COCK AND ONE SHOTTING EVERY POOR PRIVATEER AND BUCANNEER THAT SO DARED TO GIVE HIM ANYTHING OTHER THEM WARM PRAISE AND DELIGHTIED WELCOME?! NO, BECAUSE WE ARE ALLOWED TO ENJOY THE FACT THERE ARE STAKES, THAT NOT EVERY SITUATION IS ONE IN WHICH WE ARE IN SOLE COMMAND OF! THAT GIVES IT SPICE.

anyways they wont talk about this for ten additional chapters and then again for the arc finally so i'm going to ignore it and move on.

they also go to a school that accommodates commoners and nobals, but its also the first school that actully does this, which is really intresting as its a mixing of classes and allowing "commoner" students acess to higher education and training for magic for a war with the demon king, meaning is this truly for public betterment or is this a method of ensureing nobel students arent drafted into war due to magic potential by haveing a healthy supply of seemingly more expenda- oh? your bored? you want me to jinkle something in your face? oh i messed up that sentance? You Meant to say jiggle? ok cool

reaching the end of the comic we come to its inevitable Gimmick because one cannot be Fucked to try to make just one gimmick work. thats right, the streamer has developed a collection of accidental parasocial relationships with various well endowed women across the nation, each in astoundingly have posistions of power or in some way highly skilled.

Each woman dispite not knowing who the streamer is, never seeing his face are thusly so infatuated by the mere sound of his voice and the kind words he mutters that they have their brain matter utterly rewired, becomeing true devouts for their favorite streamer...

Rinse and repeat for 20 plus chapters and you get Shitty Ecchi Slop delivered out to be consumed en masse because men cannot hope to penetrate the core of male lonliness without true introspection which in turn is stymied by a hunered or so other dude bros who loathe the word and offer a far easier view in which to dye the world. thus they seak idea of being coveted by someone in mangas in increaseingly more convluted power fantasies...

IS WHAT I WANT TO END THIS ON BUT IT GETS WERIDER, DISPITE BEING SLOB THE AUTHOR IS BASED ON TWO AREAS IN PARTICULER,

HOLY SHITBALLS BATMAN, IS THAT AN ISEKAI CHARECTER THAT ISNT IMMEDITLY BUM RUSHING THE FUCKING SLAVE MAKRKET OR GIVING IT A TUT TUT?! IS THAT A HUMAN BEING WITH ACTUAL FUCKING EMPATHY?!

OH MY FUCKING GOD IN HEAVEN I DIDNT KNOW THOSE EXISTED, NOW AINT THAT THE SHINIEST FUCKING PENNY IN THE BUNCH, BUT OH PLEASE DO SAVE ROOM FOR DESERT BECAUSE IN THE SAME FUCKING CHAPTER

THEY BRING THE ABOLTION OF SLAVERY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PARASOCIAL RELATIONSHIPS WORK FASTER THEN ABRAHAM LINCON AND HIS INDESCIVE BEARED ASS.

IMAGINE MY FUCKING SHOCK AND AWE, HEARING THE TERM SLAVE AND BEING AWASHED WITH THE TRUAMA OF WATCHING SO MANY BLACK HAIRED SAD EYED ANIME PRETTY BOYS EITHER DECIDEING TO BUY A SLAVE WHO ALSO JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE FUCKING POSTER CHILD FOR STOCKHOLM SYNDROM OR JUST SAYING "THAT SUCKS" AND LEAVEING IT BE, READY FOR THE INEVITABLE KNIFE IN THE HEART AND THEN BOOM, STREAMER SAYS SLAVERY IS BAD AND THEY GET RID OF IT, MAYBE I DO BELIVE IN THE POWER OF THE STREAMER.

DID YOU FILL UP ON SWEET SWEET ANTI FANTASY SLAVERY COOKIES?1 YOU GOD DAMN IDIOT, YOU SHOULD HAVE SAVED ROOM FOR "GUY WITH NORMAL OPINIONS ABOUT SEX WORK"

I AM A CONVERT, I AM A DEVOUT, HAND TO THE HEAVENS I SHALL ESPOUSE THE VIRTUES AND DIVINITY OF THE STREAMER, WITH A WAVE OF THEIR VIRTUAL HAND SOCIETAL PROPLEM LOSE FLIGHT AND FALL TO THE EMBRACE OF THE COLD GRAVE, I JUST NEED A CHAPTER WHERE STREAMER SAYS TRANS RIGHTS AND I PROMISE I WILL NEVER EVER TALK SHIT ABOUT THIS SERIES AGAIN, PLEASE MR. STREAMER, JUST SAY TRANS RIGHTS ONE TIME, JUST ONE SINGULER TIME AND I CAN ASCEND THE RUNGS OF PEACE AND JOY.

turning down the notches this manga is funny in the fact that it pulls me back and fourth with wild abandon between utter and complete slop and genuinly funny bits and abnormally normal opinions for the genra.

"Is the underlying story, barring any other concept, good?" 

there really isnt a story, its just streamer talking and women going batshit insane.

"on a sliding scale of min to max, how much is the author using this to explore fetish" 

medium. the story has an obsession with the idea of yandere but it rarely goes into the idea of a stalker. the women are respectfull of his boundries barring one but that one is called the odd one out. aside from that, alot of scenes are just an ecuse to draw anime tits.

"How many story crutches does the author use to explore the story" 

it dosent need crutches because it has little to no intrest in telling a coherent story, it talks about what it wants and drops the rest.

 "Is the author attempting to use the story as a way to explain why he is not weird."

streamers can solve all of socitial ills as long as the women who they create parasocial relationships in are in posistions of high political power. .

[quetzalpapalotl]

So if you were gonna write MegaDrift how would you do it?

Sorry, you really threw me a curveball here, coming up with megadrift that would please not only me but also you it's kinda hard. So have my half assed ideas.

Generally wartime ships with IDW1 Megatron are hard without him feeling like a different character to me, because uh... well, he deliberately keeps himself from connecting with people, it's a whole deal. If he were having intimate relationships that gave his life meaning, he wouldn't have turned out the way he did yeah. I'll spare you the whole essay. He has people he likes, sure, like Ravage, but it's always with this sense of distance, of being seeing as a leader first, his closest relationship beig Soundwave and that's some weird toxic validation loop.

Megatron lives to fight, he won't admit he lives to fight, he leads a cult of personality where everyone either worships him or wants to take his place. He maintains control via maintaining his imagine (the lie he tells himself) and tempting people with the promise of power and then keeping them in line with power plays and beating them (this also feeds his own worldview back into him). This isn't someone who has a healthy understanding of intimacy and consent.

So outside of the 3 main ships I have for him that are its own weird thing, if Warlord!Megatron was being intimate, he wasn't having proper relationships, certainly nothing tender. It's more power plays, feeding his own ego or just straight up using sex as a disciplinary measure (hey, Impactor parallel). And while I could put Deadlock into this, is something for which I could use basically any Decepticon, there is no particular reason to be Deadlock (there may be no reason to be Deadlock), and he doesn't have the characteristics that someone like Starscream has that would make this more interesting.

So I give up on wartime. Let's do something with the Lost Light, and this is an idea that came up in your server, but I think I'd would be super fun if Megatron and Drift had like a mutually parasocial relationship and are now very bitter over that.

Like, Deadlock idealized Megatron on some level, that's how he gets you to join the death and murder cult, and Megatron invited him personally. Then he realizes Megatron isn't really delivering and bails. This really pisses Megatron because he liked Deadlock as someone who festered the sort of anger Megatron himself has and was good at murder.

Then Drift gets even more pissed that Megatron ditched the Decepticons wholesale to go on a roadtrip (he's right tho), and Megatron is like "you ditched the Decepticons first!" (this is in a scenario before his full character development, so he's still very petty). And there's just this increasing miasma of resentment between two people that want to be better and can't quite figure it out and practically everyone in the ship hates them and they remind each other of the way they used to be, but also of the hopes they used to have. They could try to relate to each other, but they won't.

Rodimus gets tired of this and tries to force them to get along by scheduling these Lost Light command bonding exercises because hey, it's better for the crew if they know how to work together!! They have to go because Rodimus is trying to be a good captain. Poor Minimus DOES NOT want to be here, but he's the only one who actually does the activities properly. At some point Rodimus may just shove them into a closet to see if they can fuck their issues out.

But also, something I'd like to see exlored (and that would require Megatron to have his character development) is that Drift has always felt empty, he tries to cover who he is with all these different facades he keeps dropping. And then comes Megatron who also used to put on a facade and was far better at lying to himself than Drift ever was, but when Megatron tries to find himself he eventually just does it, he can never be who he was but he regained some of that person, Megatron can be at peace with the fact that he will never be at peace with himself. And it's so unfair, it's so unfair that it comes so easy to Megatron when Drift has struggled for far longer. When it was Megatron who encouraged Drift's worst traits. And it doesn't help that Megatron's whole deal is accepting that he enjoy's violence for violence's sake, when for Drift violence has always been about survival.

Sorry, I kinda failed at this. But have that.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, uhm I have some mental health issue's but nobody to talk about it. Abusive parents, no other adults in my life, no option for a councilor. I started very extensively making up conversations with my former therapist in my mind. I tell them everything and imagine what they would say. Tbh it has been many years since I saw them and it has turned into kinda a parasocial relationship? They wasn't my therapist for long and by now I don't even know much about them anymore so I probably made up a very different person in my mind. It feels kinda... boundary overstepping, to use them as conversation (and validation) partner at that extend but I also feel like I need it for my mental health. Do you have any other idea how I could get this... outlet, which doesn't involve another person (one-sided relationship or not)?

Hi anon,

I think to some degree it can be helpful to think about what your therapist would say because on some level that's developing your own self-reliance and insight into coping with any situations that may arise, which is the goal of therapy. But it sounds like this has consumed more of your time and energy than may be healthy.

It's understandable to make up these extensive conversations and dynamics in your head considering your experiences of having abusive parents and seemingly no support network. Imagining these sorts of scenarios in an extremely detailed way is consistent with the experiences of people with maladaptive daydreaming.

While what you're experiencing may be hard to manage on your own, there are a few things you can consider trying. This resource recommends getting adequate sleep and sunlight, as well as potentially documenting your symptoms to better understand your triggers and experiences. It also suggests to make sure to maintain your social life and confide in trusted friends about what you're going through, as developing a support network this way can help.

Although it's understandable why you may feel discouraged or reluctant to seek the guidance of a mental health professional considering that your previous therapist is the subject of these mental conversations, a therapist could provide needed support and help you work towards developing healthier habits and coping mechanisms. It's ultimately best to get the opinion of a professional.

If anyone has any suggestions or comments, please feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[edienotsedgwick]

I hate that only recently have people been sharing dating/love advice for autistic adults. I wish I learnt much earlier that it’s so easy to develop a special interest in another person, mistaken the intensity of it for a normal crush, and then become obsessive and limerent over them to the point where it can make your quality of life deteriorate.

It’s normal to have butterflies, nerves, or even want to do a little background research and figure out how to approach your crush and make a good impression if you don’t already know them well.

What’s not normal is following their every move, having their name turning through your head like a rotisserie chicken every few seconds as if they’re your blorbo, making elaborate multi step master plans to try and win them over, and feeling like your quality of life will be drastically altered depending on whether your feelings are reciprocated/your plan works. This all or nothing limerence which is almost the exact type of feelings I get when i’am hyperfocused on a celebrity related special interest - only with romantic baggage and the other party having more than just a parasocial relationship with you.

I’ve been in long term relationships in the past that have been (generally) healthy, and what’s funny is that although I already quite liked these people before we ended up together, my feelings for them stemmed from a genuine love getting to know them over time but none of them were my limerent objects that I believed were the one! The kind of love where you don’t know it’s love until you’re both feeling it and it’s SO nice! It sneaks up on you.

I’m currently dating from scratch, and while a part of me is beating myself up because none of my matches give the instant addictive feeling that comes from the special interest people I’ve had in the past - I know at the end of the day it’s healthier for me, this kind of slow burn has been what’s always worked, and I’ll know when it feels right when I make that click eventually with the right person. It all takes time!

[kanans-husband]

RAMBLE AHEAD

Parasocial relationships are so weird man, i am very prone to obsess over a person (actor or not) and create in my head a totally parasocial relationship. I develop in my brain an idealized version of the person and cling to it like there's no tomorrow. But at some point it starts to wear off, and that's the scary part. I begin seeing them as a person, a real person who has opinions and is not perfect and is just trying to live their life as the rest of us and that is a painful process to be honest. I know I may sound like a cringy selfish teenager but I don't care.

With my recent obsession with a dcla actor, i follow him on ig so I see every story he posts and I think that accelerates the process of normal-person-ification. It's a weird process cuz i see him just hanging out and it's like the pink veil is falling to the ground in front of my eyes and every time I see a new story posted, less and less serotonin is being released. It's like falling out of love (which I know is not a healthy statement) and being simultaneously like "noooooo, please don't take away the magic. Don't leaveeeeeee" and "yeah, that's a dude hanging out, so what?"

I hope I made sense :T you're free to leave your parasocial relationship stories here

[en-hale-archives]

I have a very unhealthy obsession with heeseung he’s literally on my mind 24/7 I have hard thoughts about him all the time I even get distracted at work I have no idea how to stop feeling this way about him even when I try to stop I just can’t 😓 any suggestions on how to fix this?

Oh wow, you've got it bad.

Don't worry though, cause this was my EXACT same problem a little less than a year ago after I wrote my fanfic for Jake. I spent so much time researching who he was, watching videos to be able to visualize his off-screen personality, including his relationships with the members, his staff, and engenes. I imagined how close he was to his family and his dog, even though we no little to nothing about them.

And I realized I was literally falling for Jake, which scared the fuck out of me because it felt wrong to develop feelings for someone you don't know, but I had spent so much time writing about him that I was constantly enraptured with the thoughts and image of him.

I knew that wasn't a healthy feeling at all, so I spent a few weeks away from Tumblr and Enhypen, more specifically Jake, and after a few weeks, I was able to come to my senses.

What helped me to get over him pretty quick was just the realization that Jake has no idea that I exist, nor would he ever unless some movie moment somewhat happens which is very much so like a 0.000001% seeing as he; one, lives in Korea and I don't, two, is an idol, three, is an idol who can't even date due to his company's rules, four, we live two completely different lives, and the inevitable five, again, he has no idea I exist. And these are only the broader factors, there are also a hundred more that play a role in why it just would never happen. So once I was able to wrap my head around the fact that Jake was to just be a part of my imagination and someone that I could idolize/fantasize about but never pass that boundary, I was about to enter into a healthy state of mind.

I did research on this phenomenon and it's known as a parasocial relationship/interaction. It's when you form a one-sided relationship with a person on screen or on television to the point that you feel like you know them like they are your best friend (or significant other). It's different when talking about characters in a movie, but in terms of celebrities -- k-pop in general -- it's a lot different. We get to see the lives of these idols. They do v-lives where they sit and talk to us and we feel like we're there with them. They have content coming out of their asses at least twice a week, if not more, so in terms of k-pop outside of western celebrities, our parasocial relationship with them feels 10 times stronger cause we see them on a day-to-day basis in which we don't see with -- say, Justin Bieber, Shawn Mendez, or Harry Styles. We only see them when it's necessary, and maybe some social media shit, but that's it.

It's not necessarily considered "unhealthy" to have a parasocial relationship, especially if it brings you joy, relaxation, takes away that stress, burden, depression, whatever else you're feeling, and gives you something you're missing in real life, but for me, the thought of it made me cringe (lol) and I wasn't feeling relaxed, I was stress that I had taken the liking to a real person, and started considering that enjoying k-pop was becoming too much if this was the outcome.

So once I realized I didn't want to become a crazy person, a few weeks later, I was "over" him lol. and now my bias is Jay, so in the end, what was the fucking point..?

Having bias and whatnot isn't bad, nor is my decision to continue to write stories for these people that I have a liking to (a healthy liking). Realizing this puts me in a comfortable position where I'm not stressing over them. I love their music, I love their personalities, and I love being an engene. That's it. And while -- yes -- I do write smut where I'm constantly thinking of the hyungs in a sexual way, I've adapted to only considering that part of them as fantasy and nothing more.

lol, I just wrote a whole ass book but in conclusion, the best way to get "over" an idol is to just spend some time away from anything associated with them (or at least, that's what worked for me). If it gets to the point in which you think nothing can help, I'm not in the position to tell you to get some help, but probably get some help.

[valtsv]

Yeah I know what you feel I see stories popping up every so often about people saying horrible things in twitch streamers chat and they do nothing to stop it and I’m like I’d have a nervous breakdown if there was so much racism in my chat and then at the same time I see people that Stan creators and I’m like shit even if the creator doesn’t turn out to be horrible it’s still like almost a cult but the creator didn’t even want to make one. No need to answer this ask just wanted you to know others have a similar opinion on the situation

yeah. the issue with addressing parasocial relationships

is that they're extremely complicated to discuss, because everyone involved in them past the point where boundaries get blurred and ignored is in some way a victim because they're not healthy for anyone. and anything you do as a content creator feeds into them. and no matter what you say or do some people will continue doing things you've said you're uncomfortable with because it doesn't match up with the version of you they've formed a relationship with in their heads. or to get a reaction out of you because the possibility of receiving your attention, no matter how realistic, is a major part of what fuels a parasocial relationship. (which is not me saying content creators shouldn't address things like racism and other forms of bigotry in their fanbases, but there's only so much they can do and even if they try to block or ban as many people as possible to discourage them there's always some people who'll slip past because there's just too much for one person or even a team of mods to keep up with 24/7).

and at the same time content creators do use these relationships to make money through fan meetups, selling merch, random interactions online, etc. which in a way can't be helped because that's how they make their careers but does arguably exploit people who've fallen off the parasocial deep end and need help and support getting out of that mindset. but also any creator with a platform cannot bear responsibility for or offer support to every single person who claims to be a fan of them and in fact could cause more harm than good by feeding into that desire for attention.

parasocial relationships can drive people to do increasingly desperate and unreasonable things in pursuit of that (entirely human, but often unreasonable and unhealthy in parasocial relationships) need to receive validation, which is unfortunately just the nature of online spaces to develop because we all post and interact with each other at least partly to receive the validation of other people liking our content and, by extension, especially in parasocial relationships, us.

i'm speaking from experience. i used to be addicted to receiving validation online (and i am a former addict, so i don't make that comparison without understanding the implications) because there is a high that comes with seeing the numbers of likes and shares and positive comments on your content go up and it is possible to get addicted to that rush. i did, and it took me the better part of a year after realizing how negatively it was affecting my life and therapy - no, i'm not kidding - to start to make progress and no longer be obsessed with pleasing strangers online who know very little about me and don't really care about me even if they think they do (and this is not in any way an attack on my followers, i'm sure many of you are good, kind, helpful people, but at the same time the concept of me that exists in your minds and you care about is a parasocial one.)

this is even harder if you're a content creator who has a career online. i don't make any money from posting on tumblr. so it doesn't matter if i produce less content or don't consistently interact with the people who follow me for that content. but if you do, it's not easy to step away from that and try to recover from and distance yourself from parasocial relationships and set boundaries when your whole career relies partly on them. even if it gets to a point where, like me, they're harming your wellbeing. it took me months of obsessively checking my social media and follower count and having panic attacks when i couldn't or my activity dropped, struggling to sleep and having anxiety attacks because i couldn't think of enough fun new content to share, struggling in classes and at work because my attention was elsewhere, and feeling despair to the point of having depressive episodes brought on by people saying hurtful things about me or criticizing me about things that weren't my fault and i couldn't control, before i even considered that i needed to do something about the parasocial hell i'd dug myself into. and i don't make a single cent. if i did, it would have been a lot harder. maybe even impossible.

this is really just a ramble with no conclusion but it just frustrates me and makes me really sad that parasocial relationships can cause so much lasting harm to people, both content creators and their fans, and there's not really any solution except seeking therapy one day and hopefully being able to heal from the damage. although i do think talking more openly about and spreading awareness of parasocial relationships would also help people find support and think more carefully about how they interact with people and consume content online (without ruining the fun!).

[wlwcarries]

i'm becoming more and more convinced that charlie's dms are real. i’m going to give you guys the evidence there is so far, for you all to make your own conclusions. personally, as much as i hate to say it, i think the dms are real.

i want to preface this by saying that i hoped as much as everyone else that the screenshots were fake. i honestly debated even posting about it at this point because everyone seems to have made their peace that they’re fabricated and moved on, and i don’t want to start or rehash anything. i promise you, i hated making this post as much as you guys are probably going to hate reading this. but i feel like we as a fandom deserve to know and address the truth, and choosing to ignore this will only do more harm than good.

there are two tiktoks showing proof of the messages: here and here

it’s pretty clear imo that charlie sent those messages in that group chat. there’s publicly available information proving a lot of what i’m going to talk about, but i’m not going to expose anyone especially since a lot of the people involved are minors. if you want to talk more about it, feel free to dm me but i’m not going to post anything publicly beyond those tiktoks. 

so yeah. charlie talked about smut in a group chat with at least one confirmed minor as far as we know. in the screenshot you can see that someone explained what smut was to him, and then he continued on talking about the explicit fic. 

i know that a lot of us on here, myself included, love to harp on l*lex shippers, and while the racism involved with the ship should by no means pushed aside that's also not my biggest concern at the moment. a lot of these people are young teenage girls and there’s a clear power imbalance involved. they’re fans, and he’s an adult man who they look up to. yes, they shouldn’t have sent the fic to him in the first place, but charlie’s an adult and should have known better than to encourage this. this is on him. he really can’t see that interacting and talking about sexually explicit material with minors isn’t alright??? is he that scared of his fans turning on him if he doesn’t act like he’s their close personal friend???

he needs to realize that he’s not going to lose his fanbase if he establishes boundaries with them. honestly, there’s more of a chance that he’ll lose them if he doesn’t establish boundaries. other people said this better than me (i’d like to link chloe @willexx’s post here which makes a lot of really important points regarding this as well as discussing madi, and this post by @reggieshairflip which goes really in depth into a lot of great points), but this is really concerning. 

i also went on twitter last night to see what people were saying on there, and i’m beyond words. the majority of the commentary seems to be along the lines of “protect charlie from the smut!!” 

y’all. charlie isn’t the one who needs protecting. regardless of the legal situation, if he wants to read fanfic he’s gonna find ways to read it. he’s a grown man, he’ll be fine. that’s so far removed from the actual point, i don’t know how else to explain it. charlie will be fine. we don’t have to be worried about him. 

maybe people should focus on the fact that he’s talking about smut in a group chat with minors on it? like first off, don't be in a group chat with fans of your show, but especially don't talk about smut with minors, what the fuck. and the fact that he doesn’t even seem to realize the issues with what he’s doing is troubling in and of itself.

charlie has been involved in various other groupchats with fans for a while (this isn’t a new thing by any means), and i will admit that most of those interactions thus far have been innocent and harmless. regardless, the fact that he’s in group chats with fans at all worries me. these people are largely young, teenaged girls who idolize charlie--they’ve practically developed a parasocial relationship with him, and that’s not healthy in the slightest. 

he’s not their “bestie,” he’s a celebrity. he keeps up with the innocent and harmless things, and encourages them, but doesn’t establish boundaries--and that’s what leads to people thinking that doing more is okay because he hasn’t said otherwise. people meeting him at the airport at 2am, fans showing up to owen’s house at midnight and then charlie entertaining them. that’s what this kind of behavior leads to, and i fear that it will inevitably lead to much worse in the future. i’m not trying to take blame away from the people who did these things--fans have to respect boundaries, set or not--but as a public figure charlie has a responsibility to set clear lines.

the point of this post is absolutely not to “cancel” him or anything. that wouldn’t be productive at all, and one of my favorite things about the jatp fandom on tumblr is our ability to have actually constructive conversations about things like this. this is tumblr, and i know i’m basically speaking to an echo chamber here-- but i feel this is important enough that it has to be said, even if nobody outside of this site will probably see it. 

he needs to be held accountable and made to realize that what he’s doing isn’t okay. i get that this is his first experience being at the center of a large fandom like this, and i understand that he’s probably really excited about all the fans and wants to connect with them as much as possible. but he would do well to take notes from jeremy (and hell, madi, and she’s sixteen and didn’t have any prior acting experience at all), and engage in a healthy, responsible way like they do. i’m not going to speak about owen because i don’t really have much info or knowledge about how he interacts, but this potentially extends to him as well.

this is a really complicated and messy situation, and i get that. feel free to share your thoughts, but please be respectful. sending love to all of you guys rn 💜💜💜

EDIT: TO CLARIFY. i have seen this post making the rounds on twitter. i’m okay with that as long as it’s not a screenshot and the post is directly linked HOWEVER charlie did not straight up send smut to that group chat. they sent him the title, and he looked the fic up and sent the link in the group chat to clarify it was the one they were talking about. he was informed that it was smut, but it wasn’t just him sending the fic unprovoked. everything i said above still applies, he should not have engaged or encouraged the conversation but please don’t spread false information. 

[isitovernowfromthevault]

ur tags.....if u ever want to share these thots abt the sw*ftie fandom, I promise I will reblog and scream your post on the rooftops. it’s the best tea there is

My thoughts are kind of a mess and they change as we see more and more internet creators speak out about the fucked up nature of parasocial relationships.

It basically goes like this: ever since her MySpace days, but particularly around the Secret Sessions and tumblr interactions, Taylor herself has basically functioned as a BNF (big name fan) within the fandom. For the longest time, BNF’s have been kind of a replacement creator inside the fandom. For example, you could never have an actual conversation with JKR (ew) and actually change her mind about what she was going to do with Harry Potter, but maybe you could get Cassandra Claire to become your friend and listen to you for suggestions on fanfiction. Or at least laugh at your jokes. And so fandom became an insular activity somewhat separated form the creator.

This barrier did not exist in swiftdom, because back when she was a teenager, Taylor realized that she was basically sharing her diary with her fans and she wanted to actually meet these people. And then swifties realized that, if they got lucky, they could get the actual creator to laugh at their jokes and even invite them to her house. So swiftdom never really developed outside the ever present Taylor, and, likewise, Taylor never really stopped trying to meet as many fans as possible. Neither side took the traditional role.

So of course this leads to a unique kind of insanity. On one hand, swiftdom has a very unique hierarchy defined by Taylor herself: secret sessioneers. Its undeniable that she approves of these fans AND they have access to special content, so they’re at the top. At the same time, these people suddenly have a huge amount of responsibility, they have to not spill the beans for starters, but they also end up with a huge audience, and now “policing” the fandom is kind of up to them as well. If you think its inappropriate to speculate on her romantic relationships, you may just yell at people and log off, or ignore the drama. But if you think its inappropriate AND Taylor follows you AND invited you to her house, then the least you can do is make sure tumblr is a safe place for her, so now you have to be very careful about how you talk about it. Fandom becomes a spectacle. Its all very fucked up, because of course she doesnt actually see everything thats going on, and its not really her duty to police everything everyone says in her name, but the fandom acts like it is.

Her solution as of this year seems to be to distance herself from fandom, which, while on the surface is the most sensible solution, does leave an entire fandom without the leader it used to have. (who also never functioned as a traditional leader but thats besides the point). Now you have the same homophobia and bigotry except without the classic “Taylor liked” that would put a stop to it, so thats a mess. I think its also important to remember that whatever Taylor liked or reblogged was interpreted by the fans. She was kind of an oracle that came in to say “oh I like that” and then everyone would be left scrambling to figure out what exactly she liked. Im still not sure how I feel about her leaving, or what exactly I think her responsibility to and inside the fandom is.

The whole ask blogs thing is a separate but somewhat related discussion: there are always going to be BNF’s thats just... human nature to create leaders I guess. It also leads to a lot of trouble. You have people trusting other people with their problems and life stories, because they want to be seen. But now you have blogs that receive dozens or hundreds of asks a day that are also forming parasocial relationships with their followers. Once again you have someone who cannot possibly be expected to deal with so many people on a personal level (and cant even if they wanted to-these are anons we’re talking about). And then you get, yet again, a hierarchy.

I think to condemn any sort of structure besides purely horizontal is to say you cannot have a fandom bigger than a dozen people and I dont think thats the solution. I think its ok to have gif makers, people that interpret lyrics, make masterposts, gossip, or even blogs that give advice. Its fine to have some BNF’s, and fandom really isnt fandom without them, but its also important to acknowledge that they can sour the entire experience because they have too much on them. Anyone can have a bad day and get snappy, and I think everyone needs to realize that you cannot depend on one big blog (or several) for your entire fandom experience. If a big blog, or even Taylor, has a bad day and yells at people (or calls them freaks) its not their fault if the entire fandom then goes down the gutter.

I dont really know, and my thoughts on the matter change every day. For example, I love Taylors Easter Eggs, and i dont think she should stop doing them, I think they can be a very healthy way of interacting with hardcore fans: its saying “this one is just for you guys”. But spend five minutes on Kaylor, or Haylor tumblr and you can see how these are spun wildly out of control to people looking for clues to a truth only they know. (not unlike QAnon).

I dont know, and if you have any thoughts on this please share them. Ive spent most of my life in one fandom or another and I do think Swiftdom has a uniqueness to it that comes from Taylors close interaction with it. Also, shes a mega popstar of truly gigantic proportions so maybe the fandom is just bigger than usual and gives more space for wild things.

[bluntforcefem]

hi i’ve got more of that bug fables roleswap au for people to peruse! this time, it’s largely focused on some side characters, some of which was a collaboration between me and my beloved friend @behold-a-bastard-in-this-house ! go check him out :-)

as always, under the cut is spoilers for the entirety of bug fables! similarly, this covers similar themes to what’s covered in bug fables, so if any of those bug you, take care of yourself!

the swaps covered here are: maki & kina swapping with zasp & mothiva, and general fuff swapping with vanessa! as with the central three protagonists,  it gets a little more funky from there, in the nature of telling a fun and fresh story AND preserving major & important parts of their original personalities and backstories!

ZASP & MOTHIVA AS MAKI & KINA

specifically here, zasp is maki; acting as elizant ii’s royal blade and going out on top secret missions for her. the layers i particularly like here are seen in canon: when asked about the wasps, zasp refers to them as “pests,” and for reasons currently unknown (but likely related to him having damaged antennae, etc.) he isn’t affected by the wasp king’s crown at all! the trust elizant ii has in him extends past the possibility of him being controlled or betraying her, which i VERY much like as a general (hand waves) background theme

the reason why i considered this swap to begin with was because mothiva and kina kinda reminded me of each other! and in a way, so did kina & zasp, but i felt this particular swap was more fun. i think mothiva keeps her idol status, here; most of the time she’s complaining about how zasp can’t accompany her as a body guard to her shows anymore, or about how he keeps leaving her behind (”a top secret mission would be GREAT for exposure!!” which is largely why she doesn’t end up going with him, lmao)

i also think that both of them are significantly further in their character development than they are in canon, though? mostly because: without zasp as her right hand and supporter all the time, mothiva has to actually deal with anyone who rejects her personally, and The Queen Herself supporting her is very good for her ego already! meanwhile zasp actually has a healthy level of seperation from mothiva and can foster that relationship without it fully starting from somewhere parasocial, lmao. i simply like this for them a lot!

MAKI & KINA AS ZASP & MOTHIVA

this one’s a little bit of a (handwaves) stretch of the canon role, so stick with me here!

i think maki & kina are more experienced explorers who have been trying at every step of the way to find the artifacts, and kina (and by extension maki) are more than a little annoyed that team snakemouth keeps getting to all of them first! i think maki largely thinks that they shouldn’t be out there to begin with - leif was BANNED from exploration for a REASON, after all, even if he IS proving efficient at artifact collection, and kina is annoyed that her and her brother aren’t getting the recognition they deserve!

this leads to the same threads you see in canon: maki & kina attempt to interfere at golden hills, stating that team snakemouth isn’t strong enough to take on whatever’s at the top of the hills, and that they’re destined to fail. this is then followed by the two interrupting in the termite kingdom - the queen is right there, after all! if they can prove that team snakemouth isn’t strong enough to defeat them, then they’ll be able to prove themselves and go after the artifacts themselves, even if this is jeopardizing bugaria.

a key difference here is that maki & kina actually regret their actions in termite kingdom! what you see there is a personal apology to the queen and an acknowledgement of what could’ve happened after they realize - no public apology to team snakemouth though, haha, outside of maki pulling them aside later.

maki saves kabbu from a near death experience :that one confetti discord emoji:

THE FUFF & VANESSA SWAP

once again a big thank you to my friend fall for being the huge brained genius behind this swap!! 

the conceit of this swap is that general fuff manages to escape the wasp king’s control from injuries sustained in a long-ago battle, while vanessa doesn’t. she starts acting as a false figurehead leader to the wasps, and has a similar battle gimmick to ultimax, in which she is always hiding behind her troops! (in canon, she even says that she’s never done combat for her kingdom - something that is still very true here!)

meanwhile, fuff is locked up - his focus is mainly on strategy, too, and while he’s brilliant at it, he has no people to lead, no army to plan around. while he could probably fight the capture, he doesn’t actually want to hurt his soldiers - we are a STRONG believer in actual good leader fuff when not mind controlled here! he manages to steal the flame brooch before he’s captured, though, hoping to use it to take down the king; although this fails, the king doesn’t realize he’s stolen it, and in her mind controlled state, neither does vanessa!

fuff, when broken out, proceeds to offer to help elizant ii plan defenses and battle against the wasps and the wasp king, and is the one to give team snakemouth the flame brooch before the giant’s lair. vanessa does get a tank. you LOVE to see a girlboss winning

that’s all for this post!! this was once again very fun to write out and explain; if you have any questions, just shoot me an ask about ‘em :-)

[tedfashionski]

Seeing Red

I was drawing today and reminded somehow of that depressing development where the sister of David & Samantha Cameron has been appointed editor of the Evening Standard. Like, I’m looking past the implied wider corruption problems in ‘real’ journalism here, but one point she said in her announcement interview really bothered me. She said, something to the effect of ‘Oh, thank god I spent 20 years working at Vogue while David was in politics, because I am just so fond of him and I would hate to have to be critical of him. So I was safe at Vogue.’

That, right there, sums up how far fashion media is from even being able to recognise the functional role of journalism. Oh, thankfully, at Vogue we can hide from criticality and awareness of the political dimensions of the world. All the while, the fashion industry is feeding this planet-killing spirit-crushing capitalist consumerism. But, no, why would it be political? Stop making it political. It’s just clothes.

 K, I’m going to RANT a little about these digital fashion weeks we’ve just been subjected to. I’ll preface by saying, yeah, I get it, it’s hard to be creative in the thick of a pandemic. My standards have been accordingly lowered 20%. I am very generous.

 Chanel and Dior’s lack of energy was no surprise. Although, keeping in mind female designers tend to be more pragmatic as a matter of course, it’s sad the two top women are being so listless. I was pleasantly surprised by Azzaro – it gave a hint of a vibe but was sure of itself. It emphasised that there was no reason for the Chanel & Dior videos & collections to exist, no point of view. The smaller couture players like the Dutch trinity of Ronald van der Kemp, Iris van Herpen, and Viktor & Rolf were a little more canny, you got the impression they were enjoying themselves at the very least.

 Regarding men’s, I do think Rick Owens was actually well judged in its boringness – we don’t need product-based experimentation necessarily. I enjoyed the meta-narrative aspect, it seems to me a good time for that kind of subtle, slightly snide interplay of references. Yohji’s design’s really sang, the video could have worked harder, it felt thrown together and didn’t do the clothes justice. (Side note, that showstudio Yohji review video, 45 mins of failing to say anything, was what finally pushed me over the edge. Dude. Are you guys for real? ‘Where is the avant garde’? If you don’t know, give up already. I’m not even a Yohji fanbear but he deserves better.) Kiko gave us a real stab at a pscho-medieval vibe, and I would’ve written a full review about it cus there’s stuff going on there. But fuck that. If he doesn’t want to talk to us, and show his full vision to the public in a spirit of optimism and faith in the culture, why should I bother with him? Mean and snooty gatekeeping gets mean and snotty graffiti right back.

 Fashion culture (twitter, specifically) wants to be wowed by everything all the time. Then, it complains and says why is fashion week even happening during a pandemic, now isn’t the time for fashion. Another example of our schizo cognitive dissonance as we consume this shit. What do we even want?

 I’ll tell you what I want. I want fashion designers to be engaged in a collective speculative in-depth discussion of what the future feels like right now, as an artform. So, I’m not going to analyse anything as a commercial proposition, because the future features less and less buying shit. In part as I believe that with growing internet dispersal of OG systems, awareness will rise, the vocabulary will expand, and we’ll stop caring so much about the performative aspects of fashion clothing. The interiority aspect will only grow, and that means unique-feeling experiences that are like conversing with a familiar presence. The fashion designer as moot, a parasocial meta-commentator. A friend you don’t actually have to talk to, just talk with, in the culture. That process won’t start from a point of ‘buy my shit’. First, a relationship should be built up, set up and running along. Then, if product occurs it’s incidental. Wow, I’m being a real little weatherbear. Check out my prophecies!

 So, I’m pretty disappointed and depressed about the resentful undertone of much of the work presented to us. Like, they’re crossing their arms and getting all grumpy about how they’re not allowed to carry on like they always do. FFS, you’re FASHION PEOPLE. Change is the name of the game, this shit should excite you. It’s your job to guide each other in an open-ended perusal of future possibilities, and to make recommendations. It’s not just clothes, they’re the medium, the language in which you build the commentary. If all you care about is nice product (*cough*, hedi slimane, *cough* jacquemus), stop calling yourself a fashion designer, because you’re a clothing manufacturer and I don’t care about you.

 Why are all these videos so boring? Have any of these people heard of editing, rhythm? They do realise you can hire people for this kind of thing, right? The deadening lack of imagination amongst people whose full-time job it is to be creative about the present’s transition into the future is astounding. This really underlines the risks of nepotism and gatekeeping. The only people who can afford to participate are the gutless products of a bloated upper middle class. I don’t believe in that class’s creative capacities for one fucking minute. They’ve got nothing at stake, no guts to go against anything, because their boring shitty system works for them, so why should it change? Ugh, vom.

Where is the communicative power? Nothing is being said, it’s filler for an elite determined to go down with their ship. I’m glad it’s sinking, it wasn’t fit for purpose and I’ll happily stick some extra holes in to make it sink faster.

 I’m going to single out Jonathan Anderson again. Listen, he’s a little pretty boy who’s working so effectively within the system, who has played the game perfectly to the best of his ability. His work is top level, he wins every time. So, I reckon he can be held up as an example. He can take it. I’m looking at the box-shows he did for Loewe and his own brand, and I’m thinking, oh that’s such a lovely take on alt fashion communication. So much heart, and care. Then, what’s the internet equivalent? A little video showing off the box. Some 3d shots & backs of looks and boxes. A little extemporised pitter patter from Jonny. That’s it. It’s still classist as fuck. With garment design there’ll always be limits on what’s possible in terms of digital translation. This isn’t actually garment design though. It’s fashion design. If I’m stuck with a low-grade clip and some jpegs, it’s pretty clear to me you don’t care about your wider fashion community. There should be an open digital experience that feels equally cared for and crafted. And here’s where I get really angry: all these fashion journalists have been delivered this unique, beautiful experience, and what are they doing with it? Where is the thoughtful response? Every single one of these people in this privileged position should be DOING THEIR JOBS (WHICH THEY ARE PAID TO DO, FULL TIME) and WRITE ABOUT FASHION. Not post online, ‘omg lovee ittt, so cutee!’. Anyone can do that. Are you a fan or a professional? This is an embarrassment. I’m stuck analysing some pixels. You’re getting the ‘real’ experience. I know I’ll never be an insider given these opportunities. I chose this path and I’m not going to try and play that game, because the rules are: you get access, in exchange for sacrificing criticality. Because these people, as educated and privileged as they are, don’t understand the value of criticism. Good criticism, the detailed, even handed, unafraid kind, pushes the culture forward. You can’t have a healthy art form without it, it’s essential because it’s the back in the back and forth. I probably could’ve tried to play their silly PR game a bit harder. But I had a nervous breakdown, in part, because I knew I would never be allowed to get close to the art enough to analyse it fairly if I spoke freely as I do now. And freedom is essential. So, pixels it is. Rudeness it is. Because there is work to do to salvage the bottom-dwelling wreck of our fashion dreams so that maybe we can travel somewhere new and better with them. It just sucks that there’s people standing there with the tools to help and no desire to save themselves or anyone else.

[astroninaaa]

Parasocial anon back again to elaborate on some shit since I feel like it should be talked about.

Ok, so I in my old ask I said that I would love to see more people taking about the awful effects of a Parasocial Relationship and I want to go more in-depth with my experience since I know there will be people out there who will judge people like me for not being able to let go so easily.

My Parasocial Relationship started with a Mcyt YouTuber/streamer and at first I thought nothing of it. I liked their content and I enjoyed listening to what the had to say, that and their character for the smp is quite popular so it was only inevitable that I would become attached.

It started off with just a daydream and a thought. a thought that maybe, just maybe, I could have a chance to meet them and maybe even be friends with this person. I'll admit, the pandemic left me feeling alone with no one to talk to. The friends I had didn't share many of the same interests as me and it left me feeling lonely, wanting someone t talk to. that's when the PSR began....

I would daydream so often of this person and being friends with him. It wasn't too long till it developed into a crush, causing daydreams to revolve around us being together. Hours and hours of my day would be spent daydreaming about this shit.

Finally after a really heavy nightmare, I decided to unfollow them on all social medias and avoid their stream as much as possible.

I will admit, I am not out of the water yet, I still have feelings for him but I am working hard to get that resolved. Because one thing I realized after while was that I was not just embarrassingly infactuated with them, I also envied them.

They had such an amazing group of friends, something I always looked after and chased for. They had an amazing audience who makes fanart of them and adore him. But that wasn't what even got me, it was the fact that they were someone who seemed like you could tell them everything they would be there.

I realized that I envied the luck they had, on top of infactuation, I knew this wasn't healthy.

There are still days were I wish I could befriend him at some point but I always try to get it out of my head. As much as I'd love to be able to befriend him, Its not my place as a fan. I remember having a hard time leaving his discord server and feeling a sense of doubt. "Maybe we should Dm him, let's try and be his friend." I left it regardless

I hope that people start talking more about this so that Stans can actually be supported because I know that some of them may be going through something similar. It's a cycle thats very hard to break. Many Stans that are apart of PSR are just teenagers and young adults, hell I am as well. That's why I think it should be talked about more.

Sorry for the long as post, I just wanted to talk about it more in depth.

thank you for sharing your experience, anon. i understand people rarely get into situations like that willingly and i'm really proud of you for recognizing it was an unhealthy behavior and doing your best to stop it!!!

[kurtsvonneslut]

this year i’ve been trying really hard to deconstruct my parasocial relationships and part of that is how when i become a fan of someone i start learning about their personal life and it makes me develop a parasocial relationship. i know that’s not healthy for me but also having had followers on my tik tok start knowing things about my personal life and forming parasocial relationships with me makes me realize that those people probably don’t WANT people to know that kind of stuff. it’s a huge invasion of their privacy for fans to know things like that.

i think going forward when i become a fan of someone i’m going to stop myself from researching their personal life and instead focus on appreciating their work and seeking out more of it. i don’t want to know about their pre-famous lives unless they talk about it in their work, i don’t care to watch interviews, i don’t want to know who they’re dating or about their families or anything. it’s not good for me or for them.

that said i am in way too deep with taylor swift being queer conspiracy theories but i will at least not be participating in that conversation publicly on tik tok or tumblr anymore.