#pansy talk

[pansy-placebo]

This is your sign to get That Thing that you've thought would be useful for a long time, but didn't think you should get it for whatever reason. This is the sign to get that thing.

I bought a shower chair, a phone holder for the shower, and a powered scrubber. And my life is forever changed.

Context: I've been pretty open about how, for the past year or so, I've been increasingly struggling with bathing. I used to shower roughly every other day, and gradually that became about once a week, and then further, and then to the point where I genuinely don't know how often I've been bathing. It's just been deodorant and dry shampoo for a long, long time.

This is because I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) and dissociative issues. Everything way is way more mentally and physically taxing with CFS, and the dissociation makes it doubly hard to focus. My phone would be blasting some video outside the shower to keep me present, but afterwards I'd still be exhausted for at least the rest of the day.

I got around the problem a little by taking "spit baths" or "bird baths", basically washing the important parts in the sink. Then I'd use deodorant for the rest (which, as long as I semi-regularly changed my clothes, went well /gen). I went a long time using primarily these methods, as it uses overall less energy than a full shower.

But smelling good and being basically hygienic ≠ feeling clean. I was getting the important parts, but I only ever feel clean when I've thoroughly showered.

So. After a great deal of consideration, I decided to get a shower chair and a water-resistant phone holder, and while I was on the webpage, I saw a neat powered body scrubber thingy I've always wanted, and ordered it in the spur of the moment. The phone holder arrived yesterday, the chair and scrubber today.

I've included some reference pictures for anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about

And today, I finally took a shower with all the little things I've wanted. The phone holder and the shower chair and the electric scrubber thingy and. Holy shit. I feel better after this shower than any shower I've had in well over a year. Maybe even two years at this point.

It was a little awkward at first, I'm not used to sitting in the shower, but once I got used to everything it was an overall amazing experience.

I actually started laughing at some point, because all those things I've wanted, but for some reason had been afraid of getting, made it so much easier that it felt absurd and delightful and I enjoyed bathing for once!!

Once the shower was over, I grabbed the towel and sat on the shower chair to dry, something new for me. And, once I got out, I immediately got changed into fresh clothes instead of spending hours laying in bed recuperating.

I went and made myself dinner just now!!! Granted, it was just microwave baked beans, but I can never cook after bathing!!!

Anyway I'm sitting here drying and cozy in my usual Warm Things and feeling very, very happy about my purchases.

The moral of this story is that if you have the ability to get something that you suspect will make your life easier, get it.

It doesn't matter whether you're sick or not, it doesn't matter if you're diagnosed, it doesn't matter if you can technically get by without it. It doesn't matter if the thing is for "old people" and you're young, it doesn't matter if it's for disabled people and you're not sure if you "count" because you "only have" [the mental or physical issue that's affecting you].

Get the fucking thing. If it will make your life better, you should get it. It won't be a waste of money if it makes you less miserable, whatever it is.

Do not deny yourself the tools you need to live comfortably and happily.

You have my permission and my endorsement, if that means anything to you.

Xxx. Pansy

P.s. stay tuned because I'll be getting a powered wheelchair or scooter in the coming months. The moment I figure out how to do it, I will. I should have gotten one when I was first diagnosed but I didn't. I will not be repeating my past mistakes and denying myself the tools I need to live comfortably and happily.

[pansy-placebo]

Open mindedness gifts you knowledge, too. Because people will share if you're nice to them.

You learn things.

Like how he/him lesbians have an ancient legacy.

Like how your friends who have those people in their head? They may have stuff related to that (like poor memory) that you can learn about to understand and support them better.

And so on.

Some people really are missing out on the bigger picture by dismissing stuff that doesn't immediately fit into their idea of How Things Should Be. And it's a shame, because natural human variety is fascinating and fun to learn about. The things our minds and bodies do and want are so varied, truly no two people are ever the same, because the human experience is an unfathomable kaleidoscopic acid trip, full of inextricable nonsense and undeniably full of love.

Can't express how stress free being open minded is.

Some lesbians use he/him? Oh cool.

Some people have people inside their head and sometimes it's fictional chars? Sick your brains like a pirate ship they're all working to run.

Some people like being treated like a pet dog? Bark bark bro.

Being fat isn't unhealthy but a perfectly normal type of body to have? Kinda beautiful how different we can all be.

Something doesn't make any fucking sense? Cool an opportunity to learn. And even if I can't figure it out it's cool we still have mysteries today.

[pansy-placebo]

I want y'all to know that your dungeonposting has had a major effect on my life.

I honestly thought the show was just like any other overhyped anime that Netflix was pushing on me, so I never even gave it a chance.

Your posts- little screenshots and memes and shipping art and reposted manga pages and all of that- changed that, and for a few weeks now I've been watching it with my partner.

I'd probably have finished the whole show on my own by now, if it weren't for our little routine:

My partner makes dinner. Sometimes I make my own, but often he's cooked a meal to share. Usually it's something that I've never tried before. Then we watch the show and enjoy our food together, along with the protagonists :3 🍲🍜🥘

Thank you for filling my dash with your dungeon meshi posts, because that show has warmed our hearts💝, given us a fun daily ritual🍚📺 and blessed our screens with Senshi's panty shots.🩲📸

And yes I am talking specifically to everyone who has ever put dungeonmeshi on my tl. Who are usually the same 2-3 moots.

[pansy-placebo]

Today has been one of the worse days when it comes to CFS. My entire day has been written in extensive detail in this post, because nothing fucking happened.

I woke up at 11am, went to the bathroom, ate a chocolate bar, drank some Trip. My partner opened the curtains outside and showed me it was a beautiful day, encouraged me to go outside. He was skipping work because the weather was so fantastic, so he said he was heading out on a walk, reminded me to at least go and bask outside, or sit by the open door (both low energy things I like to do) and then left.

And I slept until about 5pm. I woke up and scrolled Tumblr for a bit. My partner had come back, let me know he was going to his bf's later, & offered to drive me if I wanted to come. But I couldn't, so we watched a bit of TV while he had dinner, he offered to make me food but I wasn't hungry, and he went.

It was then at 5:30 or 6pm, I fell asleep again until about 11pm.

It was only then that I gained an appetite and the energy to get up, so I got some cold baked beans and poured brown sugar in the tin for extra flavour and ate about 3/4 of that. Went to the bathroom, sat back down on the couch where I've slept all day to sip some water and write this post.

That is my day. The whole day. All the activities I have done. I feel queasy from eating so much so quickly, but it's fading. And with it, the tiredness comes in to replace it. I should move to the bed before I get stuck here again, or I'll end up sleeping on the couch all night.

This isn't the only day i've ever had like this or anything, but it's the first in ... about a month? So it took me by surprise.

I wish I had an electric wheelchair or scooter to at least have gotten more pop to drink from the shop next door, or felt the sunshine on me because it was a gorgeous day. Alas, that is not an option. Yet. Every day I yearn for one, but want something that can go up and down a fairly large hill and don't know how to search for that specifically.

Between writing this I keep phasing out and falling back asleep. In total I've been awake for about 3 hours today.

But I did successfully paint a single finger nail!! and found the vape I lost last night. that's a success on a day like this. 3 hours of awareness out of 12+ (if I sleep through the night then it will be 3 hours out of 24) and I still managed to eat and stay hydrated. It could certainly be worse.

[pansy-placebo]

My friend showed me how to program today! I made a script to pick random items from a list, based on how much energy I have, to make it easier for me to do things every day :) !!!!!!!!!!!!!

(For context I am chronically ill and have massive executive dysfunction on top of that, so being told what to do early in the day depending on my energy makes things so much easier for me)

Ignore the excessive number of ++++ I made them for desktop and this is on mobile , I'll adjust it another time

Anyway I am VERY proud :D and greatful for my friend showing me!!!!

Also I'm already coming up for cool ideas on how to use this for art and fun little projects for my friends :)

I could program a choose-your-own adventure game AAAAAA!!!

Like I want to make one that asks what your name is and when a friend types their name in, it comes up with a little message/poem/ascii art picked just for them!!! Like I have a friend who's really into fanfic and I could have a fanfic or a reference come up, and another name would bring up a huge ascii penis, another name would bring up a poem I wrote for them- I'm losing my mind the possibilities are endless.

Oh also the guy who taught me is my bf's bf, who I want to be more than just boyfriends-in-law with so bonding like this is a boon for me because it shows me in a different light than "trapped by illness and depression"

[pansy-placebo]

I love Philomena Cunk.

Go watch Cunk on Earth if you haven't seen it, it's good.

It's a fun modern example of classic clowning imo. Not honk honk big shoes clowning, the old one. I think if anyone is going to know what I mean, Tumblr will. And if you don't, it's ok just watch the show, it's good.

[pansy-placebo]

*I breeze into a social event, my meek butler in tow, and take a deep breath*

"Ah-ha! Hello, people! I am here to find someone to have intercourse with! I'm, uh... Psst, how does the saying go again?"

*my companion leans over to whisper in my ear*

Thank you- *ahem* I'm a simple shingle and I'm ready to tingle!

*the butler shakes his head and whispers again. My brow furrows*

Well that's just stupid, how does that make any sense? How about this instead: I'M THE LAST CRISP AND I'M READY TO BANG YOU-

*my butler cannot interrupt me fast enough*

Oh?

*he keeps whispering as I slowly begin to nod*

It has to rhyme? Fine. Well. How about:

I'M SINGLE AS FUCK AND READY TO FUCK!!

*my butler nods warmly in approval, and realises, not for the first time, that in this moment he feels a bit more than simple pride over my literary prowess. We lock eyes, and he knows he's falling in love with me*

*I see the look on his face and finally understand that my feelings for him may not be so one-sided after all*

*we slowly lean into our first kiss, months of tension between us finally coming to a head as we simultaneously feel a release in tension with a rise in excitement, the world around us no longer matters*

*We are both picked up by our scruffs and held by a man twice our height and girth. He grunts something about decency. Our legs dangle, useless, while he takes long strides to the establishment's exit. He then throws us out the door, officially banning us from the funeral*

[iamnmbr3]

Draco in second year like: Did you hear? Ginny Weasley fancies Harry Potter. How embarrassing. Can you imagine? Can you imagine someone being attracted to Harry Potter? I couldn't. I mean what's he got besides his stupid scar and his stupid hair and his stupid green eyes and his Seeker skills and his heroics?

Can you believe someone is actually attracted to that? I can't. It must be so embarrassing for her friends. Imagine having to put up with that. Imagine if someone just talked about Harry Potter all the time. It would drive me mad.

The entirety of Slytherin House: ...........

[ziggystqrdust]

chika ng isang bading na walang kwenta <3

[pansy-placebo]

Lot of people in the comments talking about how like. It's actually about short term Vs long term stuff, but I gotta tell ya it's still hard for me. idk the situation makes it hard for OP to decide between the two options but I can talk about mine.

I have a weekly thing I go to, and enjoy doing. But before attending I need to decide how sick I feel beforehand. Am I normal sick and just anxious? Or am I genuinely ill and need to stay home today?

Usually I'm on the money but this week I wasn't and showed up to The Thing and then spent the first half miserable and I ended up missing the other half of it anyway because I went downstairs to grab water and then I FELL ASLEEP in a chair while I was doing that. What the fuck.

So, in this situation I could not tell if it sucked too much not to go/hit da bricks or if I should do it scared.

And there are many such cases:

I go to a BBQ on the beach with friends and start feeling iffy - do I press on and hope it gets better (do it scared) or do I cut my losses and hit da bricks?

I'm working on a project and my work suddenly seems really sloppy- do I do it stupid (it's harder than I thought) or do I hit da bricks (I actually really really need to rest)?

And so on. There are. Many such cases.

So, my point is that it is actually hard to tell between the two, at least it is for me, and presumably some other people.

biggest mindfuck is the fact that it can be so so difficult to tell the difference between when it's time for "do it bored/scared/stupid but by jove just do it" and when it's time for "if it sucks hit the bricks"

[pansiesanddaisies]

I still keep thinking about this moment ever since I first saw it in Side Order. Marina really went through some character development after Splatoon 2's final fest.

[pansy-placebo]

Into town I'd gone,

Whereupon I ran into no-nipples Jon

Who was asking why he had nipples none.

I couldn't bare to tell him that in a raffle they'd been won

And how no-nipples John now has a four-nippled son

[quillkiller]

butch dyke ginny is actually the only ginny that exists

LITERALLY!!!!!!!!

that girl has 6 older brothers!!!!!!! molly must’ve been overjoyed when she had a girl and could finally start buying girls clothes. and the comp het…… ginnys crush on harry when she was TEN ? and then she just never fell out of love with him ??? and i know for a fact that molly watered that seed whenever she could so harry could finally become part of the family fr. she dates around at hogwarts looking for male validation because all she knows she knows through femininity and how she’s being percieved through the male gaze. molly wants her to be her perfect princess daughter. shes not allowed to get down and dirty with her brothers. she’s ALWAYS seperated from them. molly wants her help in the kitchen and to go shopping and to learn how to be harrys perfect wife. and i dont even really blame molly for this either she got overly excited after being surrounded by boys and its the early 2000s!!! late 1990s!!!!

but finally ginny gets to go to hogwarts and she gets to play quidditch and she gets to be loud and brash and take space. she finally gets to be unpleasant and ’like her brothers’. which always sort of makes her ’one of the boys’ however she never ever will be because all her male friends want to fuck her. she’s still a girl to them. and im suuuure she was a pick me girlie and ’not like other girls’. then shes the saviours girlfriends and shes the wizarding worlds darling and she doesn’t have her own personality outside of being a woman. a daughter. someones girlfriend. sister. someone men want to fuck. SHE WAS POSSESSED BY VOLDEMORT WHEN SHE WAS 11 AND IF THAT ISNT A METAPHOR FOR COMP HET I DONT KNOW WHAT IS…………… her entire life is ruled by men, surrounded by men, while also having to be the good and perfect girl.

after the war and post hinny breakup she starts seeing a therapist/mind healer and they work through all of this and how femininity feels like a costume on her and how she can’t stand seeing herself in the mirror and how mens eyes on her make her feel dirty and she wants men to find her repulsive. she wants to be like her brothers, wants to fit in with them, doesn’t want them to feel like shes a ’girl they have to protect’. she cuts her hair short and starts wearing charlies jumper he forgot at her place once and she stops wearing makeup and men stop looking at her and she’s so relieved and so free and then she meet pansy in the waiting area (shes seeing the same therapist) and pansy calls her handsome while trying not to drool

and then they start dating and pansy talks about her own experience with lesbianism and her experience being femme and how she cant avoid men wanting her but she’s comfortable presenting herself the way she does and after everything that’s happened, her comfort means so much to her. pansy talks about how she knows shes subscribing to patriarchal standards but sometimes just existing as a lesbian is radical enough. she feels good about herself and she’s tuning out mens eyes on her but she wants ginny to watch her. she wants ginny to think she’s hot and she wants to straddle ginny and be her girl. its not a perfect world but having dinner with a handsome woman darting her eyes all over her body makes her forget about that and maybe that’s enough!!!!!!!! maybe desire isn’t bad!!!!!!! maybe being desired feels good and doesn’t have to feel violating!!!!!!! maybe excluding men entirely makes them both free!!!!!!!!!

im a little insane about them. 🧍

[pansy-placebo]

Reason number 2892501764193 why trans rights and intersex rights are inextricable.

It's really simple. If you're born with a vagina and you naturally have elevated testosterone levels, you're a man. If you have a vagina and you take testosterone, you're a woman. But also if you have a vagina, you'll never be a man. But also if you have higher testosterone then you were never a woman. Woman never yes man a vagina testosterone no was an elevated. Vagina man.

[simswoon]

Lenny's Birthday!! 🍰♡⋆.˚🧸

[ghostiekins]

Shinsengumi+Mitsuba!

Kondou - Daffodil: I read on a hanakotoba website that daffodils can represent “respect” and “unrequited love” which I feel encapsulates Kondou and his relationship with the Shinsengumi and Otae.

Hijikata - White Rose: Roses felt like an obvious choice because of the Baragaki arc, so I drew Hijikata with roses and thorns. I think Hijikata also has a sort of innocence to him too? Like when he fantasized about the mayo factory lmao so I thought white roses which represent innocence was fitting.

Okita - Forget-Me-Not: I thought forget-me-nots were fitting for Okita because it makes me think of his feelings of not wanting to be left behind by Kondou and Mitsuba.

Mitsuba - White Lilies: White lilies symbolize purity and dignity so I thought it was fitting for Mitsuba who personified both attributes to the very end. They’re also the flowers on her kimono I believe.

Saitou - Marigold: I read that Marigolds can mean loneliness, which I thought would fit Saitou who is extremely shy and has trouble making friends.

Yamazaki - Pansy: I just thought the color scheme of pansies worked well with Yamazaki when I was thinking about animal crossing flowers (Sorry for not having a deeper meaning Zaki...)