#pan semis 2023

[baronessvonglitter]

Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 18 🍒

"I Wanted It To Be You"

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 7,467

Summary: Moving on from Joel, your life takes many unexpected courses: college, marriage.. yet you keep wondering What If..?

(Warnings contain spoilers, so please check beneath the cut if you're curious)

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (the difference is 17 years, and there are a few time skips throughout this chapter), starts in late 2003 and ends in 2023, Angst Angst Angst, brief mention of jailtime, breakup, parental issues, heavy on the mom guilt, underage drinking, dry humping, anonymous drunk sex (never ever do this, folks), vomit, reader going through a slutty era after getting her heart broken (just like Joel in Chapter 14), allusions to smut, time skips (labeled), panic attack, mention of drugs and alcohol, rough sex, creampie, surprise pregnancy, infidelity, lil bit of a makeout sesh with Tommy, semi-public sex, pussy pronouns, light degradation, Ellie is Joel's daughter, mention of cyberstalking (not as serious as it sounds), mention of reader having a therapist, Joel and Tess are married. If I left anything out, please LMK!

Author's Note: this took forever to write because the more I edited the more I wanted to add. And I know this chapter has quite a few time skips, I just wanted to highlight the important parts as much as I could. ALSO: I apologize for the unrealistically speedy law process at the beginning. I have no idea how that situation would pan out, but it would almost definitely drag out for months if not years.

So much angst here, but now the reader is all grown up! I wanted to add the convo with Sarah but this chapter was already getting so long, and I think it'll fit better in the next installment anyway.

Series Masterlist

"I would've said yes."

You've lost count of how many voicemails you leave Joel, who's been ignoring your calls, but this is the only time you say it, that you admit your love could have gone a different way if you'd just gotten back to that hotel room together.

You replay that night over and over in your head, but with different endings. In a perfect world, your father would never have even been there in the first place. In a separate, less perfect world, you would not have called out to him, just ignored him the way he ignored you. Then you'd have some peace of mind, and you'd belong with the man you love.

Each time you call Joel, you expect to hear his gruff voice on the other end of the line. And soon enough the ringing stops and goes straight to voicemail, where you leave him the words of your bleeding, broken heart:

"I would've said yes."

You haven't taken the ring out of its box, worried you'll jinx whatever luck you have left. Joel is supposed to kneel, take your hand in his, and place the ring on your finger. You've never envisioned what getting engaged would look like, but it definitely bears some semblance to tradition.

When Chris refused to press charges, the law stepped in and did it for him. Thirty days in the Bexar County Jail is what they sentenced Joel. That was why you couldn't reach him, why you felt like you were hitting a brick wall. It's a relief when you're finally able to speak to him.

"I'm so sorry," you cry to him over the phone, his voice like a warm and soothing balm. You imagine yourself curling into his embrace, allowing his arms to enfold you, make you small and safe, hidden from the dangers and ugliness of the world.

"You ain't got nothin' to be sorry for," he grunts.

"I love you." You sound pitiful over the phone but you don't care. "Joel, let me come see you and we can work it out. Please."

He sighs. "I got somethin' I need to tell you. Might change your mind how ya feel about me."

"What?" you ask quickly, your young mind scrambling to imagine what he could say, as if to fortify your already shattered heart. Your stomach sinks, nausea threatening to make the bile rise in your throat. "Joel, what is it?"

He's quiet for awhile and when he speaks it's monotone. "I've been seein' someone else."

It sounds like he's speaking a foreign language. You shake your head, looking at your wall calendar. It's only December. You last saw him in late September. The biblical manger scene on the church calendar your mom put on the fridge is an evil harbinger of time now lost.

"Who?" you ask, dreading the answer.

"Doesn't matter," he says gruffly, sounding uncomfortable.

"Tell me who," you insist.

With a deep sigh he relents. "Hailey."

Again, it's like hearing a foreign language. "Hailey? The girl I worked with? The one who went to Sarah's party? That Hailey?"

"Yeah."

"How.. how did this happen?"

"Ran into her at a bar my first night out of jail. I was lonely and she was.. she was there for me."

"What do you mean? Did you-" you take a moment to breathe, try not to let your emotions take over.

"I slept with her. That's all it is between us, just fuckin'."

It's like a punch in the gut. No, worse. It's a blade plunging into your heart over and over.

In a blur of upset and disappointment, you utter the words of anyone who's ever had a broken heart: "How could you do this to me?"

There's no answer for it from his side. His refusal to go into detail feels like he's hiding his fling with Hailey on purpose, withholding part of his new life to you, but you never stop to think he might be saving you from the pain he knows is due.

You cry after hanging up on him. You cry more than you did when he left you in San Antonio. You cry until you can no longer see because your eyes are puffy, nearly tiny slits that still somehow shed tears when you think of Joel with your ex-friend.

Once the sadness has been cried out, there remains only rage, simmering and profound. With small, practiced movements, you take the engagement ring in its box and mail it to Joel's address. No note, and no explanation needed.

"You're not yourself," your mom mentions one night when you push your plate away, your dinner barely touched.

"Not hungry," you mumble.

She sighs in exasperation. "I don't know what to do with you. You won't talk to me." She pushes her own plate away and downs the rest of her cheap wine. "You come home from God-knows-where, with a damn bruise on your face."

You touch your cheek where your father had accidentally knocked you backwards, wishing it was the only physical pain you endured from that night.

"..you don't bother with the chores anymore, you lock yourself away in your room, probably not even studying. Do you even attend classes anymore? Do you even care about your future?" she continues.

"No," you say quite simply.

"No??"

You shake your head and shrug, as if answering something as easy as 'do you want to watch a movie later?'

"I don't. Give. A shit."

Anita scoffs, refilling her glass. "Great. That's just great. Maybe I'll drink this entire bottle and give myself alcohol poisoning. Then I wouldn't have to deal with your shitty attitude anymore."

The scrape of your chair as you push away from the table is as loud as nails on a chalkboard. "You want me to talk? I'll talk." You lean forward, relishing this moment where your mom looks scared as shit.

"I said I was in College Station, but I lied. I was fucking Joel every weekend I was away. We met up in hotel rooms and fucked each other's brains out. And the best part of it all was that he loved me," your voice breaks but you're wickedly delighted by the look of shock and disgust on your mother's face.

You're on a tirade now that can't be stopped. "Two months ago I found Dad in San Antonio. I did," you nod, a psychotic kind of laughter breaking from you when she gawks. "And do you know what? He's forgotten all about us. He has a new family, new kids, new young wife. And he doesn't give a shit about you or me. He never really has, has he?" You realize you're standing, towering over her as you spit out all the venom she's ever poured into you right back at her.

"Now.. how does it feel to have the truth shoved in your face? To be deprived of the fantasy world you wanted so badly to live in, cushioned by your idiotic pretenses? Because I'll bet you could've gone your whole life not knowing, staying innocent. Well, Mother Dearest, fuck you."

Without a word you pack your things, your body moving way ahead of your brain, stuffing every necessary item into a couple of bags before you leave her house, with the intention to never return again.

Summer 2004 Louisiana

Staying with friends in a shitty apartment, you finish the rest of the semester before transferring to another school. Three schools in one year probably isn't a very good look on your transcript, but it's the first choice you make that is truly your own. Working two jobs over the summer you finally have the money you need to survive as you begin a new chapter in Louisiana.

You do everything in your power to get over Joel. The first step was deleting his number from your phone, even though you've already memorized it by heart. To be safe, you also delete Tommy's number, and Sarah's. It feels final, and a small part of you wishes they could get a notification informing them you no longer consider them important enough to keep, even as data.

It still stings when you think of Joel with Hailey. She's older, more experienced, and can probably do whatever he wants without being asked. After you've deleted the Millers from your contact list, you hover over Hailey's name, pressing it and, in a moment of antagonism, send her a text. I thought you were my friend, Turns out you're just a fucking slut Then you delete and block her number.

Dating other guys doesn't come very easy. It's as if they can smell the heartbreak on you, sense your loneliness and unease, the untempered anger simmering below the surface of your smile. You're a walking red flag and you know it, but that doesn't stop you.

You grind on a guy at a club after he buys you a few appletinis. Never mind that he's twenty five and trying to get you drunk so you'll fuck him. With your twenty-dollar Charlotte Russe dress hiked up as you drag your sopping panties over his clothed hardness, he sucks the apple flavor off your tongue, one hand gripping your hips while the other slips inside your underwear to rub your clit and you come for the first time in months. So loud, in fact, that you're caught and promptly kicked out of the club. When your partner (you never remember his name) asks to continue at his place, you decline, already walking to the next bar.

Once the high wears off, you are consumed with guilt as you think of Joel. What would he say if he found out? Would he even care? Maybe he's fucking Hailey right now.

And it hits you that it's already been a year since you first slept with him.

You pause in the middle of the street, coming back to earth when a car honks at you, cursing at you to hurry up and fucking move dumb bitch!

Walking on, you can't get the memory of the feel of Joel out of your head: the way his tongue licked into your mouth, fingers traveling down to play between your folds, telling you he needed you nice and wet before he fucked you, those thick fingers slipping in and playing you like a well tuned instrument, his lips gliding over your throat, resting just above your pulse point, then finding their way down the slope of your breasts, taking each nipple between his lips, his beard rasping against your skin.

You try to force the thought away, but it returns manifold. His mouth, the stiffened warmth of his tongue lapping at your cunt, drinking up every fucking drop and telling you you taste so sweet. He doesn't stop until you come more than once, finally fitting himself inside you, teasing you with the first few inches. Sure you can handle the rest, babygirl? before sliding in in one smooth thrust, joining you body and soul, moving against you just how you need.

You cover your face with your hands and wander into an alley, overcome with despair at the loss of your love, the loss of what innocence you thought you had. Both of those things given to someone who only saw fit to fuck you as he wished and discard when he couldn't handle the reality of your personal life.

"Are you okay?" a voice asks, approaching softly from behind. You turn and see a man, another college student like yourself, dressed in jeans and a striped button down. His features blur together until all you hear is his soft Southern accent and all you smell is his Curve cologne. The next thing you know you're kissing him, begging him to touch you, fuck you, and then he's spinning you to face the wall, dress hiked up, panties pulled down. Your arms support you against the wall as he pushes into you from behind and all you think about is him fucking the pain away, pumping into you hard and fast. He's nowhere near as big as Joel, but you've been so touch starved that the sounds coming out of your mouth are shameless.

Without warning you vomit, splashing your shoes and the wall in front of you with appletini puke, and the guy pulls out immediately, getting away from you as fast as he can, tucking himself back into his jeans.

You rest your forehead against the cool brick wall, spitting out the sour taste in your mouth as tears weep freely from your eyes.

September 2004

At the start of sophomore year you're the only one who doesn't have family come down to help move in, to visit with and take silly, memorable photos with. Nobody comes to your dorm and helps you decorate and put your belongings away. By the time your assigned roommate comes with her parents and little brother you're already set up, fresh sheets on your twin bed, your side already claimed.

You're reading when she comes in, a young girl, freshman, with hope in her eyes, excited to meet you, looking forward to her new life away from Montana or Missouri or wherever she says she's from. You're barely listening.

Who you do notice is her dad: mid-forties, slight beer belly, wearing a polo shirt and cargo pants with brand new New Balance shoes. You make eye contact immediately before he shifts his gaze away. His daughter, your new roommate Jessica, starts to unpack, asking you questions about the classes, what student groups to join. You offer what advice you can, stretching out on your bed in your tank top and running shorts. Her dad's eyes roam over your curves when his wife and kids aren't looking, and you unabashedly flirt back, making sure your shorts ride up, pulling down your tank just a little to expose more cleavage.

Once they leave for a quick tour around the campus you're back to your reading.

Jessica's dad comes back. Alone.

"I think I forgot my wallet in here," he says, giving a forced look of timidity as he checks his pockets.

"You didn't," you smirk, putting your book down and sitting up. "But you can stay if you want.."

He doesn't make an excuse about his family and you wouldn't care if they walked in anyway. Once the door is locked his hands are on your body, grabbing your ass while your hand goes down his pants. You tell him exactly what will make you come, and he does it so willingly it almost touches your heart.

Later as he's leaving and you're trying to get his cum off your bedsheets, he's asking you not to say anything to his daughter, as if you'd proudly exclaim that you fucked him, having barely remembered his name.

You're learning that a lot of men are the same at their very core.

You're a fantasy for the older ones, a college coed with daddy issues and an IUD. Having already been with an older man, you know just what they like, and when you give it you live for the way their eyes light up, and a little of their youth comes back to them for a moment.

It's almost pitiful how easy you figure out the opposite sex. Once you know what they want it's easy to become that, to dress how they want, to feign interest in the things they like, even to keep your thoughts to yourself. You learn to live inside your head, which until now has been the hardest thing to do.

But it's necessary when you're holding onto the headboard of some frat guy's bed while fake moaning as he's holding your hips, going as fast as he can because that's what they do in porn. Each and every guy has a Scarface poster above the bed, or Playboy centerfolds taped to the walls, neon lava lamps on the nightstand along with CDs by Kanye West, Franz Ferdinand, or Velvet Revolver. Your thoughts are elsewhere as you give halfhearted head.

You learn to feel nothing, not even pleasure, because they certainly can't tell that you fake every sigh and gasp.

But the older men, the professors, TA's, even men you meet off campus at the bars in town.. they are what interest you. It's not common for you to find yourself bent over a desk during your professor's office hours, or with your panties around your ankles when a one-on-one study session turns to something else.

You fuck men who remind you of Joel because you can't fuck Joel. It's his hands on you instead of theirs, his breath hot on your ear.. but no one else can fill the part of you that Joel hollowed out for himself when he made you his on a hot Texas summer night.

Though you think about him every day, soon enough, you start to wonder whether he was ever even real, or just someone you made up.

March 2006

Spring Break finds you at a beach house on the coast. The friends you came with are nowhere to be found, and you're pretty sure your drink is laced with something. The music is so loud that you hurry out into the night, seeking solace before the roaring waters of the gulf, black water topped with silver waves. Their rushing sound is soothing, yet you sink to your knees because your world is too heavy.

"I'm dying," you whisper to yourself, crying. Your chest feels tight. It's so hard to breathe, and it feels like your heart will explode.

Only one person on the entire planet comes to mind, and after all this time you still remember his number. You dial it, fingers savoring the press of each button on your phone. How many times have you called Joel and hung up before he could answer? There have been a couple of times when you dialed him while having sex, not sure if he ever picked up, hoping that he heard you moving on and moving away from him. That'll show him.

But you can't even breathe to talk to him. And what if he doesn't answer? What if he's changed his number?

You leave all his numbers entered on the screen but you don't hit the call button. Not yet. You have to think of something to say. Tell him you love him before your body rejects the air it's trying so desperately to claim into your lungs.

"Hey, are you all right?" a gentle voice asks behind you, and a hand is on your shoulder.

You flashback to that night in the alley, the guy who took advantage of you, but this time it doesn't go that way.

A man with soulful eyes and a kind smile kneels next to you, his hand remaining on your shoulder. "I think you're having a panic attack. Can I help you with that?" His voice is as kind and gentle as he looks, and you nod.

"Can you breathe for me? Like this." He inhales deeply and slowly, and when you try it it feels so foreign but you manage it.

"There you go," he says quietly. "Now breathe out.."

Soon he has your breathing back to normal, and you don't have to force your body to do what it naturally does.

"Tell me five things you can see," he continues.

A shaky breath in. Hey, at least it's a breath. "Um.. the water.. the sand.. the moon.. you.."

That's when you get your first good look at him, beyond the smile that works its warmth into your heart, and the eyes that search yours, exuding humanity that you haven't experienced in a long time. He's really cute. You can't deny that your heart skips a couple of beats.

"One more thing?" he says, his voice soft.

You snap back to reality. "Uh.. a ship.. out there in the distance?"

He glances behind him at the water, seeing the great big liner, possibly a cruise ship, on the inky horizon, and takes a seat next to you. "How are you feeling now?" he asks.

"Good.. I think. Better." You nod. "Thank you."

"May I?" he lifts your hand from your lap and turns the palm up, his fingers poised above your pulse point. You nod again.

He presses his touch to your wrist, and you watch his eyes calculating, his lips silently moving while counting. Despite everything you've been through the past two years, this is the most intimate thing you've felt.

"Your pulse is normal." He gently places your hand back on your lap. "Do you want to go back to the party or do you want to stay out here a little longer? If you want to go back," he adds, "I'll be with you, make sure you're okay."

You opt to stay on the beach, embracing the quiet for a little longer. This is the first time a man has had you alone and hasn't tried to fuck you. It's nice, for once.

Towards the end of the night he leads you back to the party house, guiding you through the throng of people there, the air rife with alcohol and the pungent aroma of weed. You're holding his hand, you realize as you walk together. He's your lifeline in this very moment. You grab your jacket and purse from one of the bedrooms, passing by couples making out, some slipping into rooms to do much more than kissing. To think you could have easily ended up there with a random guy makes your skin crawl.

"What was your name again?" you shout to him over the music.

"Justin!"

"Dustin?"

"Justin!"

You both laugh. You tell him your name and of course he mishears you.

He drives you to the small motel room you're sharing with your friends who are inevitably crashing at the beach house, too drugged or drunk or fucked to return for the night.

Justin smiles at you as the engine idles. "Is it okay if I ask you out?"

You exchange numbers, your heart thrumming with a pleasant nervousness. You haven't had a boyfriend since..

..not since Joel.

Don't think about him.

"You can reach out to me if you ever just feel like talking," he says. "I'm here."

So you do, and after a week of texting and a couple of late night calls and getting to know each other, you go for a date for the first time in three years.

Justin picks you up in a Honda Civic, and as you get comfy in the passenger seat you breathe in the scent of the black ice air freshener and his spearmint gum. The radio blasts Smashing Pumpkins at a level you know is too much but it only adds to the excitement of the evening.

He's a year older than you, native to Louisiana, and on leave from the Army.

Living just a half hour from your campus, you start to spend much of your time together. Movie dates, dinner dates, and dates where you just drive around, talking about nothing and everything.

You only sleep with him three months into your relationship, desiring to take things slow for once, to know him better than you have ever known anyone.

It's nice. It's like what you see in the movies, two people wrapped up in each other, soft, no words needed. For once your head isn't forced down into the pillow, or your pussy spit on. For once it's just normal, and normal feels so good.

June 2008 New Orleans, LA

Bourbon Street is alive, electric, no matter that it's a Sunday night. People will drift into work tomorrow still drunk on Zombies and Hurricanes. The entire street reeks of piss, but people either don't care or have been here long enough that it no longer harasses their senses. But more often than not, people are having too much of a good time to care.

You're behind the bar at little hole-in-the-wall place, slinging daiquiris and kamikaze shots when you hear a familiar voice and a tap on your shoulder. "Hey there, Cherry."

You turn and your eyes go wide. "Tommy!" You reach over the bar to hug him, nearly spilling a beer on him in the process. "It's been ages! How are you?

He looks older, more mature, even though it's only been five years since you last saw him: he's letting his facial hair grow, but his eyes still sparkle with mirth and kindness. "It's good to see you, girl." He's no longer with Sofia, their romance having ended a few years before, on friendly terms or so your cousin claimed. You always blamed yourself for the demise of their relationship, believing that your breakup with Joel cast a shadow over her own connection with Tommy.

"What are you doing here?" you ask.

"We're good, just here in town, expanding the business."

"We?" Your hands start to shake, and you put away the bottle of gin you have your grasp on. Your heart starts to pound before the next words even leave his mouth.

"Yeah, me and Joel are lettin' off a little steam, wanted to toss back a few before we go back to the hotel."

You feel his eyes on you before you're even aware that he's here. Looking up, at a small table near the entrance, is Joel Miller. Your heart stops, and you don't know how it is you're still alive. He looks you up and down, appraising every feature and detail about you, and you wonder if you've changed in five years or not. You wonder if he still loves or hates you.

"...and we thought this was that bar where girls dance and pour tequila down guys' throats, but this is just as good 'cause you're here."

Tommy manages to snap you out of your trance. "Oh.. you mean Coyote Ugly.."

"Yeah, they opened one in Austin a couple years back but this one ain't never wanna go nowhere," he motions back with his head to Joel.

You return your gaze to the older brother but he's no longer looking at you, his glance dotting along the crowd, following a younger woman as she saunters up to him, smiling, flirting. Your stomach turns and you force a smile at Tommy.

"Whatever you want is on me."

Tommy's smile and laughter is infectious. "You sure about that, Cherry?"

"I'm sure," you say, pouring out a shot for yourself. "You know, nobody's called me that in a long time."

"What's that?" he catches a bright sparkle on your left hand, and quickly takes it within his own. "Cherry, you didn't tell me you were engaged!"

Joel must have one ear straining to listen because Tommy's outburst got his attention right away and he swivels his head to look at you.

"Yeah.. he's a nice guy." That's how you describe Justin to everyone: he's a nice guy. He'd proposed last year after your one year dating anniversary. "He's in the Army, they're shipping him out a week after our wedding. And I'm going with him."

"He's a good guy if he's an Army man," Tommy approves, just as Joel approaches, the woman he was talking to now gone. "So? Are we invited to the weddin'?"

You can't tell if he's teasing or not, and Joel's poker face gives zero indication as well. "I already sent out save-the-dates, but if you'd like to come I won't object. The more the merrier." For the first time you see Joel up close and your heart stutters, an irregular beat that you'd gotten used to in the aftermath of your disastrous breakup.

He's still so fucking handsome: the dark brown of his hair fading to what you can already see as gray, with gray patches in his beard. There are more lines around his eyes. There's still that jolt of electricity when your gazes meet.

"You happy?" he asks, his countenance giving nothing away of his true feelings, so it's difficult to gage whether he's legitimately asking, or simply being nice.

"I'm happy." But it sounds forced, like taking the pliers to your own mouth to fix your own abscess.

Joel only nods as you pour a couple whiskeys for them. "To Cherry getting married!" Tommy beams his salute and the three of you down the shots quickly.

It's sometime after your shift, and you're in the parking lot with Tommy, his arms around you as he presses you to the side of his truck. Or maybe it's Joel's truck. You don't know and you don't care, all you want is to feel something again. The nearness of Joel all night has rewired your brain, and as Tommy deepens the kiss, you're disappointed that it's not Joel's taste, not Joel's scent that surrounds you. Luckily he's not a bad kisser, and his hands roam everywhere you want them to be.

Better the wrong Miller than no Miller at all, your whiskey-soaked brain tells you.

"Always thought you were pretty," he whispers, hands palming your breasts over your shirt. "But you were Joel's from the moment he set eyes on ya, told me so himself. Leave that one alone, she ain't for you.'"

"He didn't want me enough.." your voice cracks as tears spill effortlessly down your cheeks.

"Don't cry," he says gently. "I don't got any tissues with me." He uses his thumb to wipe away your tears. "Still want me to give you a ride home?"

You nod, telling him you need to make a quick trip to the ladies' room to fix your makeup, and in the narrow hallway where the restrooms are hidden from the rest of the bar, you run into Joel.

"Sorry," you mumble, trying to get around him, but he puts his large hand on your shoulder to stop you.

"You gonna take my brother home and fuck him? Then marry some Army jackass?" he says as in disbelief.

You put your guard up, tougher now than you were five years ago. "What I do is my business. By the way, how's Hailey?"

"Who?"

"Don't play dumb." You push past him and start for the women's room to fix your makeup when Joel stops you again.

"You ain't gonna fuck my brother tonight, or any other night, babygirl," he utters.

There's a fire lit under you now. "Oh? What are you, the Morality Police? Fuck off."

"Fuck me," he says. "You know you want to. You're probably wet from Tommy, and I appreciate his gettin' ya ready for me, but I notice the subtler signs: your eyes are glistenin', you've been lickin' your lips every time you look at me, and you probably haven't noticed, but your nipples are pokin' right through your shirt. I bet they're just beggin' for attention, huh?"

He says all this while just standing in front of you, not crowding you like any other guy would. And you realize he's not even trying to rile you up. He's giving you a choice.

"What makes you think I want you? I have a good man who loves me. He's all I need."

"Needs and wants are different, babygirl. Once you're married you're stuck with him til' death. Hope you realize that."

"I'm aware." But it's already hit you: you'll be with Nice Justin for the rest of your life. You'll be a Nice Wife and maintain a Nice Home for the inevitable Nice Kids you'll have. You hate Joel for putting this thought in your head.

"He fuck you like I did?" he asks in an intimate tone.

You shake your head, already pulling him into the restroom with you. "Joel, no one's ever fucked me like you did."

Your body delights in the quick, sweet reunion with him. It's as if time has never separated you, as if both your hearts are whole again. His mouth greedily devours your kisses. He tastes like whiskey and cigarettes, the latter a bad habit. You're shoved into one of the stalls, fumbling with the lock while Joel's hands find their way across your body, one under your shirt, palming your breast, the other going into your jeans, expertly finding your soaked panties, crooking his fingers into your cunt.

Your back is pressed against his broad chest, his cock already hard inside his jeans, rubbing furiously against your lower back until he bends you forward to press against your ass, finally pulling your jeans and panties down in one go.

Too much time has passed for you to be gentle or even careful. He presses you to the stall door, nothing but heat and raw need between you. Words not needed, your only communication grunts and whispered curses that echo against the tiles of the cramped space.

"You ain't takin' no slow and gentle with me, sugar. i ain't got the patience for that right now." He nudges against you and it's a wonder you don't burn up with all the fire that inflames you. After so long it's a labor of love to fit him again, but as his fingers add pressure to your clit you get wetter, opening for him as easily as you did years ago.

"There she is," he says. "Been waitin' for me, been needin' a real man to fill ya up, ain't ya, babygirl?" he huffs in your ear, breath warm against your skin. "Answer me, baby."

"Yes.." your voice comes out in a hiss, your brain only thinking about his cock, the way it stuffs you, the only thing that completes you.

"That's what I thought. These lil' college boys don't know what to do with such a tight, pretty pussy. And neither does your fiance." He hikes one of your legs up, tucking your knee under his arm, keeping you nice and open, watching himself slide in and out of your weeping slit, slamming himself against you as he sinks his thumb into your puckered asshole, eliciting an all-but muffled gasp from you. "I know you called me just so I could listen to them fuckin' ya.. I know you never came with them, not once. This pussy is mine, has been from the very start."

You're no longer a virginal high school grad, and he takes what he wants from you, giving you what he knows you need.

The door opens but he doesn't stop, just quiets his own noises and clamps his hand over your mouth to squelch your sounds. The stall door jiggles and you put your hand over it until the person grumbles and walks away, muttering about having to piss. When they're gone Joel pumps into you relentlessly, chasing his pleasure and yours. He knows by now what will make you come, which combination of touches and kisses make your knees weak and your clit stand at attention.

"Fucking come for me, you little slut," he whispers, his tone almost loving if you didn't know better, and when you let go the pleasure is almost painful. Years of need and pent-up longing are released as your cunt squeezes around his rigid cock, milking him, smiling when you feel the warm spurt of his come as he presses deep at your cervix.

"That's my girl," he says proudly, your come spilling out already, lining his dick with a mix of both of you. "She's wrecked, split wide open like she's meant to be.. gonna send you back to your man drippin' with my come, used up like a good lil' whore."

His words add a sweet sting to the pleasure that has yet to ebb, resounding through your veins like thunder that takes its time in rolling away from the storm. Whore.. well, he's not wrong.

When your heavy breathing has subsided, you feel him start to slip out of you and you put your hand back on his thigh, a silent gesture to hold off.

"Missed you.. needed you," you mutter, tears of joy and relief and heartache brim in your eyes, until you allow the pleasure of the moment to take over without thought or feeling.

"I know.." he says softly, slipping out of you, careful as you're still sensitive.

That could have been the end. You could have gone your separate ways, but you're drawn to each other, and that doesn't go away easily. When you emerge from the rear entrance of the bar, Tommy looks up, and you can tell he expected that you'd end up with Joel instead. He simply nods as you pass him, walking with Joel to the tiny apartment you share with Justin, who's out of town visiting family. And as you and Joel spend the rest of the night locked in each other's embrace, you realize you don't care if he walks in on you, kicks you out, breaks off the engagement. You're with Joel and nothing else matters.

By dawn you wake up to find that he's gone, leaving only the scent of him on the pillow next to you. No note, no explanation, no goodbye. And once again you're sure you only dreamed up Joel Miller, used him as a mental escape for the life you were tying yourself down to.

It's very atypical for you to forgo a period, even at your most stressed, you can count on seeing that bright red stain on the toilet paper around the middle of every month. And when, by mid-July, you haven't even spotted, the first thing you do is take a pregnancy test.

All the men before have been careful, or you've been fortunate enough not to have a scare. But when you finally force yourself to look at the the little blue plus sign developing on the test strip, you realize this is no scare.

You're pregnant with Joel's baby.

The wedding takes place as expected, and your heart sinks when you walk down the aisle, seeing the joy on Justin's face. You've told him the baby is his, and he doesn't doubt it for a moment, that's how much he loves you. But for a fleeting moment you want so bad for it to be Joel at the altar instead.

The ceremony goes by in a blur, as everyone warned you it would. Group pictures are taken, the videographer is capturing the moments that photos alone can't encapsulate.

"Over here, honey!" photographer gets your attention. You barely hear him as you watch a figure walking out, one of the last guests to leave the church. From behind he looks like Joel, but you can't quite tell, and when your eyes fully focus, he's gone, and your own vision can't be trusted.

Tommy gave his regrets that he couldn't attend, and Joel simply never RSVP'd. But in your heart you know it was him, you know he had to come and see for himself that you're moving on, growing up and growing away from him. The only tether you have to him is the baby growing in your belly.

"Front and center, Mrs. Williams," Justin smirks, giving your cheek a soft kiss. "One more picture then we're onto the reception."

March 2009

Your daughter is born in the springtime, a loud and howling child from the moment she leaves you. The only time she's quiet is when she's in your arms.

"We need to decide on a name," Justin says, a little miffed that his daughter cries when he holds her despite his best efforts to soothe her.

"I told you, I like Ophelia," you say, gathering her into your arms to feed her.

"It's such a prissy name. And I can already tell she's not gonna be prissy."

"Then what do you suggest?" you ask tiredly. He doesn't seem to understand you've gone through labor for twenty four hours, only thinking of himself.

"Eleanor, after my mother."

You groan. "I always hated that name."

"Please, babe. It'll make her so happy to have her granddaughter as her namesake."

"Fine. Fine. But her middle name is Ophelia."

"Deal." Justin smiles as he fills out the paperwork.

"Eleanor.." you tell your baby. "But I'm going to call you Ellie."

Your mother once told you that when you become a parent, your life is not your own anymore. She said it as a kind of warning, a prophecy yet to be fulfilled when you were just a pre-teen, rolling your eyes at her warning you away from all kinds of danger.

You never expected she'd be right. Every waking moment holds more weight than ever before. Ellie is completely dependent on you, even as she grows and becomes more independent. It's you she looks to for validation when she does something right, and you she looks to when she knows she's in trouble.

She's smart as a whip, quick with a comeback and well versed in anything she can get her hands on. She excels in sports too-- individually, at first. As she gets older you notice a little bit of a mean streak in her. While she craves friends and wants to be part of a team, she has trouble making connections sometimes.

You have to wonder if part of that comes from Joel, his stubbornness and his lone wolf tendencies. Has he unknowingly passed down the most insecure parts of himself to his daughter? Sorry, his secondborn daughter?

Now there's literal proof of Joel Miller as a person, in human form, and she's trudging upstairs with her field hockey equipment and slamming her bedroom door.

Between the years of 2004 and 2008 you could almost convince yourself that he didn't exist, that he was a figment of your runaway imagination, born of a father complex and attachment issues. You work on yourself in therapy, feeling small as you divulge the innermost secrets of your heart and the intrusive thoughts, even going so far as to reveal that you've looked for Joel on social media, now that everyone has a profile.

Born of an intrusive thought, you type his name into the search bar on Facebook. Getting quite a few findings of those with the same name, you narrow the search. Joel Miller, Austin Texas His company logo comes up as its own page, and you notice it's changed, probably Tommy's idea as Joel never liked change.

Searching further you find his picture. There it is: Joel Miller, Boston Massachusetts

Huh?

You click on his profile while your heart thumps strongly within your ribcage. You wish you could let it out, set it free.

There he is, looking older than the last time you saw him, the grey more prominent in his hair, looking serious in his selfie. Even though it's just a selfie, a random moment in time, you can't help blushing, as if he's looking at you through the screen, appraising your own measure of aging. You wonder what you were doing that exact moment he took the picture.

But your hunger for knowledge needs to be fed, and scrolling down you swear you misread it at first.

Relationship status: Married

There's a roaring in your ears as your mouse hovers over the name next to those words: Tess Servopoulos

From there you check out her profile, see that she's from Detroit, five years younger than Joel. While his profile pic is only of himself, hers shows them together, on a hiking trail somewhere, Joel's arms around her from behind.

You slam the laptop shut, your blood buzzing in your veins. You feel distractingly alive, the heartache spreading through every muscle and nerve ending. Your past is brought to full fucking focus.

Against your better judgment you open the screen again and search through Tess's photos, specifically the ones of Joel. Most of the comments are from a couple of guys named Bill and Frank, who after some digging you come to find are married, and friends with Joel and Tess. You hit the jackpot when you find a video she uploaded, a fifteen-second clip of Joel holding a baby. Your heart stops when you realize the baby isn't his but Sarah's, and he's now a grandfather.

It feels like you're spying on them. You know so much about them by now, and the one glaring omission is children. They don't seem to have any.

Going back to Joel's profile, you hover the mouse dangerously over the Add Friend button. When you click it, it's the strongest rush you've felt in ages.

Weeks later, he hasn't accepted it. The sparkle of your anticipation is dulled, and with a heavy heart you click to cancel the request.

A couple years down the road you get a notification from Facebook Messenger while you're watching Narcos.

Message Request. Sarah Miller Hey! It's been forever! How are you?

dividers by @saradika-graphics 👑

<- prev chapter

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[carolmunson]

alive with the glory of love

(older!rockstar!eddie x older!actress!wife!)

a valentine's slice of life with our favorite rockstar almost thirty years into our marriage. the year is 2023 and we're still stella rink and we're still famous as hell. aged like fine wine. a decades long career and a decades long marriage with two twins in their late twenties. this is semi from the twins perspective. we know what our life was looking like before, let's see what it looks like now. :) eddie manip by @eddiemunsons-missingnipple cw: 18+ minors dni, allusions to smut/wearing lingerie, but overall this is a short little something. reader and eddie are both 57, so, sorry if you don't want to be fifty seven. but if i have to be in my 'early twenties' every time i read a fic, you can be older for like, seven and a half minutes.

The phone eases into focus, Violet’s giggle sounds as she presses record, leaning on her elbows at the kitchen island. The room is a sun drenched, black and white tiled vision — still partially stuck in the 90s, remnants of your old life, despite the ongoing renovations. Despite the teasing from your adult children. Some stuff just never lost its charm – plus, the kids were calling it ‘a 90s vibe’ and you were both pretty sure that was cool. 

“Morning, happy Valentine’s Day,” Violet says sleepily, Van trudging in behind her. They both take lazy seats on the bar stools across from the chef stove that their father is delicately working over. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, honey,” Eddie calls over his shoulder, daintily pouring pink batter into a cookie cutter mold on a hot pan. The kitchen and dining room are filled to the brim with flowers and balloons. Eddie’s been up for hours getting everything set up for you, some things never change. Some things never get old. 

“What’re you doing?” Van asks. 

“What do you mean, what am I doing? I’m making mommy—” He turns around with a furrowed brow, deepening his forehead creases before he realizes they’re recording him. He sighs before turning back to his task, “Guys, again with the phone?” 

“C’mon dad, they love you!” Violet begs, putting her phone down and shoving it in her sweatshirt pocket, “Van show him the comments on the last one.” 

“They think you’re hilarious, they want you to have your own account,” Van encourages, he opens his own phone to bring over to his dad. He grew up to be a spitting image of the two of you, as if they pasted Eddie’s face on his and gave him all your other features. The color of your eyes, the texture of your hair. Your bright, enrapturing smile. A perfect fifty-fifty. 

Van scrolls slowly through the endless comments, Eddie squinting down at them, “Van, I don’t have my glasses.” 

Eddie peers down lower, “What does that mean? ‘I know it’s big’? What’s big?” “New…choker…just…dropped? I didn’t make chokers for merch,” he shrugs, waving him away to pay attention to the stove. “Ew,” Violet laughs, “Stop making him read these out loud, that’s so gross.” 

“You should still make your own,” Van says, sitting back down, “It’d do way better than the one for Corroded.” 

“Have your mom do it,” Ed shrugs off, “She knows how to do all that internet shit.” 

“That Howard Stern clip is going viral again,” Violet says devilishly, “The girlies are obsessed with you.” 

“I don’t care about the girlies, Vi,” Eddie blushes, flipping one of the pancakes on the pan, “I care about your mom.” 

“I just wanna show them what you guys do for your favorite holiday,” Violet whines, “They’ll love it.” 

“They’re gonna call him a simp,” Van teases, a look of realization washing over his face,  “Wait, you’re such a simp for mom, actually.”  

They both laugh, Eddie doesn’t know what ‘a simp’ is so he laughs too.

“That’s a good word for like, a DND character type — you should see about that in your campaigns,” Ed continues while he plates a pancake on an ever growing stack of pink and red. 

“Ohmygod Dad, no, that’s not—“ Van laughs silently into his hands. 

“Stop making fun of him, he’s old,” Violet pleads between giggles, taking her phone out again, “Dad, seriously can you just tell us what you’re doing? Why do you love Valentine’s Day?”

“Is this for your TikTok thing?” he asks, pulling his dark curls up in a ponytail with a black silk scrunchie, bangs he can’t quite part with falling in waves over his brow. ‘My Pilates teacher was telling me they’ll be safer on your hair,’ you’d said — and he’s never been one to say no to you. Every time the kids came home they’d take their phones out and make Tiktok’s of the two of you, sometimes you’d make a solo one for Violet or Van’s page if you felt like it. But with Twitter and Instagram, you didn’t want to overload your assistant with some other form of social media – but it looked like the two of you were really popular. Especially Eddie. 

Violet educated you about ‘fancams’ which were just clips to music. There were a lot of the two of you together, or you solo from your movies and shows in the 90s. Progressions of you then and now and how you’re still ‘so hot’ and ‘unproblematic’. Eddie’s almost always started with the clip of him at Howard Stern, jaw ticking while he tried to keep his composure: ‘Excuse the fuck out of me, what did you just say about my wife? Do you wanna lose your fuckin’ teeth?’ The comments were always flooded with a mess of young people losing their shit: ‘god i’ve seen what you’ve done for others’ ‘stopppp he’s obsessed with her’ ‘@vidawn i hope your mom can fight’ ‘@vannywayne @vidawn i’m five years younger than u but i would be a great step dad’ ‘when is someone gonna fight howard stern FOR ME?’ ‘@vannywayne @vidawn they’re thirsting over your dad again’ ‘i’m banging on the walls of my enclosure’ 'ewwww we hate cheaters' ‘i NEED to fuck him’ ‘@vannywayne you look EXACTLY the same’ ‘are they looking for a third?’ 'idgi he looks dirty' ‘they are notttttt making them like him anymore’ ‘not him being old enough to be my father i’m sick’

“Obviously,” she snaps back, rolling his eyes when he starts touching himself up for the camera. 

“Should I do a couple of push ups so I look buff or…?” he teases. Violet and Van make a face that puts any face you’ve given him to shame. It’s the only regret he has about having kids with you – all that attitude had to go somewhere. 

“Fine, fine,” he huffs, “I’m ready for my close up, Vi.” 

“You’re so cheesy, dad. Just be normal for like, five seconds,” Violet huffs, taking out her phone again, “You’re ready?” 

“M’ready,” he smiles. “Okay, so, what’re you doing?” Violet asks again. 

“I am making pancakes,” he starts, pouring red better into the cookie cutter mold on the pan this time, “In a heart shape, for your mom.” 

“How long have you been doing this?” she asks, a smile spreading across her face. It matches her dads. There was no mistaking that Violet was Eddie Munson’s daughter. 

“Since we got together, so – the first one was in 1990,” he muttered, flipping the pancake, “I do it every year ‘cause she loves it. They’re strawberry, but they’re pink and red ‘cause I put food coloring in them.” 

“Is Valentine’s Day her favorite holiday?” 

Eddie grins, “No, her favorite holiday is the fourth of July. Not ‘cause she’s got a boner for America or anything. She just likes fireworks and when I use the grill.” “Is it your favorite holiday?” Van asks this time. Eddie nods, a bright blush pushing up on his face. 

“How come?” Violet and Van ask at the same time. Eddie turns the burner off, placing the heaping plate of heart shaped pancakes on the center of the island. He opens the wine cooler on the opposite wall, pulling out a bottle of champagne and two flutes from the top cabinet.

“‘Cause I get to spoil your mom all day,” he smiles, “She deserves it.” 

“You spoil her every day,” Van teases, “I can’t think of a more doted on woman on earth than mom.” 

“She’s very special,” he shrugs. 

“And you do this every year?” Violet asks, zooming in on the pancakes. 

“Every year for the past thirty four years, well, minus ninety-two,” he frowns a little, “We had some time apart that year.” 

“Still had my chef make them for me though.” 

Your voice cuts in from the large arch way connecting to the dining room and Violet pans quickly over to get you in frame. 

“Hi mom,” Vi says, “Is this your favorite holiday?” 

“No,” you shake your head and laugh, the same laugh he fell in love with, “It’s the fourth of July. C’mon Vi, how long have I been your mom? Do you even know me?” “You’re supposed to be in bed, honey,” Eddie frowns, “You’re ruining the surprise.” 

“The surprise that’s older than my kids? How could I forget,” you grin, rounding the island and greeting your husband with a gentle kiss, “Happy Valentine’s day.” 

“Happy Valentine’s day, baby,” he murmurs into a second chaste peck, “You’re supposed to let me bring them up to you.” 

“My kids are home, I don’t wanna spend all day in bed,” you pout. He pouts back dramatically, tugging on your arm to pull you flush against his chest. 

“I thought you loved spending all day in bed with me,” he pushes some of your hair back before resting a palm on your cheek, moving in to kiss you deeply. The scruff on his chin scratches around your mouth but you never care because he still kisses you, he kisses you every day. He’d kiss you all day if you let him. You had too many girlfriends whose ex-husbands were on their third wife and every year they’re more surprised that Eddie is still on his first.

“Okay, I think that’s our cue to leave,” Van says, Violet stops recording. Their faces sour.  

“Yeah we don’t want a January ‘94 repeat or anything,” Vi jokes. The twins high five at their own mean reference to your horrific sex tape debacle, but you and Eddie toss them a playful glare. 

“Hey, she might be your mother, but she’s my wife,” Eddie warns, hand sneaking down to rest on the small of your back to pull you close to him, “Don’t mess with her.” 

“Yeah,” you tease, crossing your arms, “You saw what he did to Howie’s studio. I just gotta say the word.” 

“So scary,” Violet rolls her eyes, leaving the kitchen with her twin in tow, “We’re taking the Jeep to get Jamba Juice, do you want anything?” 

“My usual,” you answer while Eddie goes to the fridge to get grapefruit juice out of the fridge, “And get daddy’s usual too. Do you want his card? Where’s your card, hun?”

“Wherever you last left it,” he responds, gracefully pouring grapefruit mimosas for the both of you. 

“It’s in my purse,” you call out. 

“Which one?!” Violet calls back, both of them waiting by the door. 

“The pink Kelly!” 

“Got it! Do you want anything else?” Van calls out. 

“Just uh,” Eddie giggles to himself, tossing you a once over, “Take your time!” 

“Gross!” they yell back in unison. Eddie waits for the door to close to pull you back into him, he watches you at first. Brown eyes cascading over the slope of your nose, your cheeks, the crinkles at the edge of your eyes, your smile lines. He looks at you like he’s looking at you for the first time, every time. He looks different, but the same. Dark curls smattered and entwined in silver, a nose ring, a never ending scratch of overgrown stubble. Deep lines on his forehead that exaggerate his already animated features. Lips still full and warm, hands still big and covered in rings. He’s kept his body real tight for fifty-seven, still throwing himself in the gym daily. ‘If I’m gonna be addicted to something now it might as well be like, my cardiovascular health, babe.’ His crows feet make him somehow more attractive, his smile got better with age. He still makes your heart race when he catches your eye from across the room. “You wearing that little red thing I like?” he purrs in your ear. The tie to your robe sliding between his inked fingers.

“Maybe,” your finger trails over a tattoo on his bicep, “Maybe, I got something new for you to see. Maybe it’s black, maybe it’s strappy. Maybe it’s that thing you saw when we went shopping last week.” 

“Christ,” he huffs, pressing a kiss to your cheek before stepping back over to the counter, “Do you ever stop getting hotter? Eat your breakfast before I bend you over this bar stool.” 

“Let’s bring it upstairs like you wanted,” you smile, following him closely to press your hips up against him, “We can get a little messy.” 

“Yeah?” he growls, pushing part of your robe away to see a peek of black lace and strappy leather, “Fucking god, Stell.” 

“C’mon,” you whisper breathily, pushing up on your tiptoes to kiss him again, “They’ll be home soon.” 

Some things have changed, some things remain the same. He still fucks you like a rockstar.

[futbol16]

Little Bird  • England Lionesses

By popular demand...

Request: “Can we have a second part of Rio Manuela? Maybe during one of the World Cup matches she tears her ACL, all of the Barcelona and Lionesses present both on the pitch and on the benches. They all want to get rid of the painful scream they heard when their little sister went down on the pitch, Lucy, Ale and Leah trying to keep her calm”

Part 1 Rio Manuela

Part 3  Where’s Rio?

Word count: 1,7k

2023, August 16, Wednesday, 7:55 pm is when you first set foot on the pitch of Stadium Australia. You step onto the pitch with a proud smile on your face as you walk behind Lauren Hemp for the lineups. 

Standing with your hand over your heart, you let your eyes scan the crowd as you soak in the feeling of being here at the Women’s world cup. You have made it. You sing along to the anthem as you watch the English fans do the same and for a moment your smile falters. 

You knew she wouldn’t come, she never has. Yet, for some reason you couldn’t help but glance towards the family section in the stands, hoping to see your mother smiling back at you. But she wasn’t here, instead Amanda, Leah’s mum waves at you with a grin and you nod back at her with a grin of your own.

After the Euro’s your name has been one of the many that were now extremely well-known and popular in football talks, not only women’s football. You have continued to show your best football after the tournament with Barcelona and you have shown your continuous skill development on the national level, already winning two player of the match awards in this world cup.

You got your first one in the second matchday of the tournament against Denmark where you had scored two goals and assisted another one. Your other trophy had been handed to you at the end of your game against Canada, one goal and one assist.

 Your teammates knew that the diversity of the supporting crowd had been because of all of your performances. There were many fans, not English, not US fans, who were now rooting for either of the teams and as the camera pans around the stadium you also recognize some other countries national players in the stands. 

Passing by Leah and Georgia you give both of them a high five and a pat to the back. As you stand in your position, waiting for the referee to start the match, you have a nice stare down with some of the USWNT players. 

This semi-final was seen a revenge game for your last world cup against them, a rematch of sorts. You knew, your teammates knew and the US players knew as well. 

The whole world had been waiting for this. To see if the United States could once again defeat England in the semi-finals and to see if the English could hold their ground, even after the Euros.

But you were confident, confident in yourself and your girls. And you prove that to the world.

The first goal of the match was delivered in the 20th minute, almost the same as in 2019. This time though it’s thanks to yours and Georgia’s chemistry that England are leading. However, you go into half-time with a 1-1 scoreboard, but you’re still happy as ever, excitedly waving at Mapi and Alexia who sit in the stands with the Barcelona girls. 

Noticing you, your club teammates instantly start your chant and are soon accompanied by a lot of the fans around them. You only laugh at that, though the blush on your cheeks is hard to miss. 

You sit close to Lucy in the locker room despite your jersey numbers not coming after one another and you lean into her as Sarina and Leah start their speech.

“Well done girls, great first half out there! We’re going to change up a little bit though, subs in. I also expect you all to show the world what we have been practicing at training. I know you can do it, you’ve all played exceptionally well this whole world cup, but remember to also enjoy every moment of it, all right?” Sarina finishes up her team talk by telling who she’d be subbing in and Leah starts talking.

She has that focused look on her face, tunnel vision as all she can think about is winning this thing. Winning the 2023 world cup and taking it home.

Similar to your awarded matches you score a goal, a goal that is once again worth getting named the goal of the match. Running past Becky Sauerbrunn, you call for the ball from Mead who chips it your way. 

With Sarina’s words running through your head you attempt the bicycle whirl and the ball goes soaring through the air in an overhead goal. The stadium erupts in cheering and for a second you’re sure you’ve gone deaf. 

Somehow it’s Leah who reaches you first and she lifts you into the air, screaming your name. You laugh because it’s the only thing you can do, if you wouldn’t be laughing, you’d probably be crying instead after such a beautiful goal. And in a world cup semi-final.

Nevertheless, that thought soon changes as you scream into the grass twenty minutes later. Your team had been creating another goal chance in the 83’ minute of the match and you had just received the ball from Alessia. You were sandwiched between two US players.

You had outplayed one but as you go to move the ball from one feet to the other, your leg gets twisted in an uncomfortable angle. You think you’ll be okay, that is until milliseconds later Mal Pugh’s knee knocks into the side of your own and you fall to the ground with a painful wail. 

The whistle is blown not long after as the referee stops the game. To you it’s all in slow motion as the crowd raises from their seats, Alexia almost tripping over her own legs as she panics. It’s like a scene from Baywatch as Lucy and Leah take their sprint towards you, but it’s slow. 

To you it looks like everything has been slowed down. 

It was the exact opposite of how everyone else around you was feeling. It happened so fast, in a matter of seconds. One moment you were dribbling past the US players and next your body gave out.

 Your screaming is something your teammates are sure would haunt them forever. You’re screaming, sobbing into the turf as you clutch your knee, nails gripping at the skin of your thigh. 

You barely notice that the blonde is next to you until you feel her hand on your back. Then Lucy peels your hands off from your leg, afraid you’d hurt yourself and instead holds them in her own. Hoping you’d find some comfort in squeezing her hands.

Leah is trying to comfort you as well but it’s a challenge for her to form any coherent words as she swallows her tears. The Barca girls in the stands are all up on their feet, holding onto the railing tightly and you’re sure Alexia would be jumping over the barrier without a second thought if it wasn’t for Mapi and Patri holding her back.

By the time the medics arrive onto the field, you’re banging your freed hand on the turf before Lucy again takes a hold of it. You wither in pain as you’re placed on the stretcher. 

You try to focus on Leah’s eyes as she moves the hair out of your face and wipes the grass off your cheek, but the look on her face doesn’t fool anyone. It was bad. The thought of that only makes you cry even more and Leah is quick to shush you.

“It will all be okay Rio, okay? I won’t let anything happen to you.” she’s pretty much sobbing as well and she knows but she doesn’t fight the tears this time. You nod at her, trying to believe her words and as you’re lifted off the ground and carried off the field the crowd applauds your performance. 

You’re thankful for them, but in this moment you choose to keep your jersey firmly pulled over your head, you try to hide from the world, from the reality of this injury.

Hours later you’re sitting in your hospital bed after an immediate surgery on your knee. Arriving at the hospital it had been confirmed that you had torn your ACL, you wouldn’t be playing for a good bit. 

Lucy is the first in your room, quickly followed by Leah and Georgia and they all watch you with tears in their eyes. You were staring into space no doubt replaying the injury in your head over and over again. Your line of thought is interrupted as you’re pulled into a hug by the three English players. 

You cry together, they allow you to cry into their shoulders, but you know they’re crying too, the shake of their bodies and the wet patch on your own shoulders is enough evidence.

Eventually your teammates from the Spanish club arrive as well and an hour after you’re left alone in the room with Alexia. She’s pacing up and down, something you know you’d be doing right now if you were capable of it.

“Ale, come here please.” your words break her out of her marathon and she settles next to you in the small bed, aware of your injured knee. 

You sit in silence for a bit, that is until she cups your cheek and turns you to look at her. 

“I know you think that this is it, that this is the end of it for you. But it isn’t Rio, you’ll get back stronger than ever. And it won’t take you long, you know, I believe in you.” she tells you honestly. Her faith in you is what has you crying into her side softly and she holds you close, occasionally kissing the top of your head. 

Eventually you tire yourself out, the game from earlier and the surgery taking its toll on you. You cuddle into Alexia, though stilling for a second as you figure out how to position your leg, before slowly exhaling in comfort. 

Leah is back in the hospital room too now, and she watches with a soft smile as Alexia runs her fingers through your hair. The blonde also makes herself comfortable and holds onto your hand as you reach for her.

“Rest now, little bird.”

[blackmoonlightexpress]

TTEOTM Creative Team: What else did they work on?

For those who are a bit underwhelmed by the summer drama options or still dreaming about TTEOTM! 😎

Kuk Kok Leung (Lead Director)

Kuk Kok Leung is a veteran director who started his career in Hong Kong's TVB. He's been nominated for the prestigious Magnolia Award and is known for wuxia and serious, warm-blooded historical dramas (he's adapted 7 out of 8 Jinyong novels). His works include...

Legend of the Condor Heroes (1983) as Assistant Director, with Felix Wong and Barbara Yung

The Duke of Mount Deer (1984), with Tony Leung & Andy Lau

Return of the Condor Heros (1983) with Andy Lau & Idy Chan

Legend of the Condor Heroes (2002) with Li Yapeng & Zhou Xun

Demi-Gods and Semi-Devils (2003), with Hu Jun, Jimmy Lin, and Liu Yifei

Water Margin (2011), nominated for Magnolia Award

Cool Sword (2013), with Julian Cheung & Wallace Chung

The Patriot Fei Yue (2013), with Huang Xiaoming & Ruby Lin

The Stand-In (2014), with Wallace Chung

The General and I (2016), with Wallace Chung and Angelababy

He's also a frequent collaborator and producer on Johnny To films, including Election, Election 2, Mad Detective.

So you get the picture. He makes TV for men who are ready to bleed for their country. This all makes him a really interesting choice for TTEOTM (and tells you a bit about the ambition and creative vision of the producers), especially since all his more recent idol dramas were widely panned.

Wang Haiqi, Director & Action Director

We don't know too much about Wang Haiqi because TTEOTM is actually his directorial debut. He started his career in stunts and has worked as the action coordinator on Ashes of Love (2018) and Immortality (unreleased) alongside Luo Yunxi. He was also a stunts man/double in a bunch of Hollywood films, including Mulan (2020) and the Foreigner (2017) through the Jacky Chan stunts team.

He's responsible for most of the action/battle scenes in TTEOTM, and his experience working on films probably explains why the fight sequences are unusually cinematic for TV.

Luan Hexin, Art Director

Luan Hexin is a Magnolia Award nominated art director best known for Huanyu productions, including Story of Yanxi Palace, Winter Begonia, and Royal Feast. He's a serious art guy, as you can tell from this interview.

(Note: Huanyu is Bai Lu's management company. There is a rumor that Luan Hexin is part of Bai Lu's "dowry", but the parties have since clarified that Luan was brought in after she was cast.)

He's also an interesting choice, having never worked on costume fantasies before and better known for his authentic representation of the look and feel of bygone eras.

Huang Wei, Costume Designer

Huang Wei is one of the most sought-after costume designers working today, especially for xianxias. She started her career as a Vogue China editor and was in fact the person responsible for TTEOTM's Dunhuang-inspired aesthetics.

Her better known works include A Dream of Splendor (2022), One and Only (2020), Love O2O (2015), Back from the Brink (2023) as well as a bunch of highly anticipated dramas like Immortality and The Last Immortal. (The joke on Chinese internet is that there is an "expensive" vs. "cheap" version of Huang Wei costumes - her design can be much simpler on lower-budget productions.)

I'd like to think that after designing 40 mostly white costumes for Luo Yunxi in Immortality, she decided to go nuts on color with Tantai Jin.

Tsang Ming Fai, Makeup Designer

Tsang Ming Fai is a big name in the xianxia circuit. He and his team of “students" have worked on a large number of costume dramas, including Ashes of Love (2018), Love & Redemption (2020), Under the Power (2019), Noble Aspirations (2016), Sword of Legends (2014), as well as the... wait for it... unreleased Immortality and Luo Yunxi's currently filming drama Follow Your Heart.

He's sadly been receiving a lot of hate in fan circles over the heavy makeup in TTEOTM (which may or may not have been his call). What I do appreciate is his ability to help actors craft distinct characters with varied hair and makeup choices. For example you can distinguish between different Luo Yunxi characters and their personalities with Runyu's clean cut tie-back half ponytail (ethereal & straight laced), Tantai Jin's slightly brown hair, messy bangs and heavy eye shadow (dark & sickly), Chu Wanning's angular eyebrows and geometric hair puff (strict & proud).

He also excels at creating unusual, iconic looks even for side characters, e.g. Chen Yao's dark lipstick paired with gothic jewelry in Immortality and Chen Duling's retro updo in TTEOTM.

[tonberry-yoda]

Out Like a Light - Cole Cassidy

notes - my tumblr bbygurl bff gave me a cute little brainrot, so i had to write this tee hee. Honestly, thank you for sharing his beautiful face with me dude because i forgot how much i loved this cowboy. Would kiss, 10/10 word count - 585 summary - you finally get a break from your job, but miss your boyfriend. when he comes home, you don't have much of a break, but get to finally relax with him like you wanted <3 tags - @cerezzzita <3333

You hummed to yourself while you made dinner, wearing nothing but a tank top and some low sweatpants. Today was a good day, so you were smiling like an idiot while the frying pan was sizzling.

Not often did you get breaks from Overwatch, but when you did, it was always a good time where you could just stay home and do whatever you wanted.

It just kind of sucked that you couldn't spend that time with your boyfriend, who didn't get to take the day off.

But then again, it was always nice to get a break from that cowboy sometimes.

Speaking of, you heard the door click open and the spur of his boots clink on the ground.

"Cole, baby, is that you?" you asked over the sizzling food.

"Yup. Just me, pumpkin, don't worry." He sounded tired.

"How was your day?"

You saw him turn the corner and gasped as he was covered in scratches and bruises that were covered up to their best ability.

"Oh my god, what happened?" you asked, rushing over to him.

"Oh this? It's nuthin'. Don't worry about me, m'kay?" He pressed a kiss to your forehead and took a seat at the dining room table.

"Dammit, Cassidy, I hate when you come home looking like this."

"You've come home worse." he chuckled.

"Yeah, but I can deal with it. I don't like you all hurt."

"I'm fine." he reassured you, watching you cook. "It's just little stuff, that's all. Hurts like hell, but I'm fine."

You sighed. "You better be."

"You know what would help though?"

You cocked an eyebrow when you saw him smirk. "What?"

"Warm dinner. A nice shower. And some cuddle time with my honey."

You smiled. "That does sound nice."

He stood up and walked over to you semi-weakly, but managed to wrap his arms around you, rubbing his thumbs lightly over your waist.

"Smells good." he said.

"Thanks."

"Mhm." He kissed your head and leaned his chin there, just watching you cook. "How was your day off?"

"Relaxing. But I missed you."

"Course you did."

"Shut up." you giggled, plating both of your food.

As you two ate, he told you all about his day fighting dozens of different people and winning, but leaving with pain like no other. How Torb had to swoop in and help, trying to carry Cassidy's fat ass.

You laughed with him and he couldn't help but blush at you.

"All right. Wanna take that shower?" You took both of the empty plates and put them in the sink for later.

"Yes please." he sighed.

You pressed a kiss to his jaw and led him to the shower.

You helped wash all the dry blood off of his body and even washed his hair, which he nearly melted due to the way your nails dug into his scalp.

After the shower though, he wanted to spoil you and carried you to your bed, pressing kisses all over your face.

"St-Stop!" you giggled. "Be careful, Cole, you're still recovering."

"Eh, I'm fine." He kissed you on the lips and looked at you with loving eyes. "If anything, this is making me feel better."

You cupped his face and gave him a kiss on the nose before scratching his beard. "God, you're so pretty." you told him.

He laid next to you and held you in his arms. "You're so pretty."

"Good job today." You kissed him one last time, but he was already out like a light.

~~~~~

overwatch masterlist | pinned post

2023 @tonberry-yoda – do not repost or claim ANY of my work as your own! likes, reblogs, and comments are not only welcome, but appreciated

~~~~~

[karume-everything-else]

Whumptober 2023

Day 11: "I don't want your love" [Reader x Present Mic (Hizashi Yamada)] {My Hero Academia}

This wasn't how you thought your day was going to go, but here you were post-argument. Sitting on the arm of the couch, shaking a little from how emotionally charged the last few minutes were. Zashi wasn't the kind to rise to anger like this, but you couldn't help feeling like you had a heavy hand in this too. It didn't mean you couldn't still feel like you were being ignored, but it wasn't helping anything.

"I'm just an afterthought!" You shouted, "You're always off doing something and getting hurt. And I can't do anything about it!"

"You know that's not the case! I always try to make time for you. I'm sorry that you can't see why I do this. But I am TRYING!"

Hizashi backed up, lowering his voice, "I love you [Name]. I just-"

"I don't want your love!"

You regretted saying that. The way you said it wasn't how you meant it, anger made you stupid as hell. Thoughts flew through your mind, calming yourself as you worked out how to start making things right with Hizashi.

It probably wouldn't work, you'd likely be making everything worse for yourself... but you had to try.

Hizashi finally peeled himself off the bed. Having thought everything through, he couldn't stay mad at you. The first time either of you blew up and it boiled down to not having good schedules for dating each other...

No matter how much the two of you liked each other, there weren't enough hours in the day. He understood what you meant, how much it would mean for him to just... spend more time with you. It was something he wanted too, but juggling three jobs and a relationship with someone who's job called them far too often.

Maybe it was time to stop pretending...

Turning into the living room, the last place he remembered leaving you; Hizashi was just standing there. It was possible that you'd just up and left, he wouldn't blame you.

Until he heard something heavy on the countertop, walking toward the kitchen, and hoping it was you; Hizashi wouldn't put it past Shota or Nemuri to sneak in if they saw you walking around without him... especially after he told them about his plans.

"[Name]? What... are you trying to do?"

Turning to face your hesitating lover, a cast-iron skillet barely held up with the oven mitts as you fumbled through the kitchen. Not that the pan was hot, not yet anyways, you had just put something back in the oven. It was the only thing you could think of to help ease the tension.

"Uh... cooking." You lifted the skillet onto the counter, "I... I didn't know what else to do."

Hizashi moved to reach out to you, "You don't have to. I mean, its been a pretty long day. We could just go get something, maybe talk along the way?"

"I know it would be easier, but..." You kept facing the counter, "It... I..."

Letting out a deep sigh, you reached for a box from the cupboard. Hizashi slowly slipped his arms around your waist, attempting to be a comforting figure.

"You just want to?" He offered, "Let me help... or at least stay here."

Barely nudging your forehead toward him, "It's not like I could kick you out..."

His arms tightened around your waist, just holding you close silently. He just wanted to move past this, he didn't know how this would work or be healthy in the long run. But if this was what you wanted to try to do, Hizashi would make every attempt to work through it.

"I'm sorry." You finally spoke up, despite your voice being so low and drained sounding, "I knew what I was getting into with you, that your jobs are all demanding. It isn't fair for me to act like you aren't trying... Especially when it comes to our weird schedules."

Zashi nuzzled against your neck, "You don't have to apologize. Neither of us were right or wrong, we just have to talk it out. Ya know? The sooner the better in my opinion, but not if its gonna hurt you. I'd rather avoid another argument too, ya feel?"

Attempting to turn into him, you grunted in a semi-positive-sounding way. He only just let you turn to face him, squeezing you tightly. It was a little bittersweet, and a lot of work.

[mxrp-official-steve]

Assorted announcements!!! Huzzah!

Hey there everyone, the funny boyska man here with some assorted parpdates:

#1: This months' update delayed

Since it's only been, like, 12 days? 15? I'm going to be delaying the next full progress update on the site again. Specifically; the next MxRP update will be on the Beta going live later this month (December 2023) and will likely correspond with people receiving their beta codes. The estimate on this has not changed at all, we're still on track for the back half of December! Which is gonna be really funny because it means I probably won't be home to join you all for the first few days, lmao. I'm gonna be visiting family at the time. I'll see what I can swing from my grampas apartment though.

#2: The log site is now live again!

Check THIS SHIT out! Not only is the log site cooking again, it's using the new layout for the site. It's also the beta site in and of itself- just incomplete and semi-functional. Just easier to launch it now so everyone is prepped and ready to crash the SHIT out of it pop on when the groupchatting beta goes live. Important to note that non-beta users (which is to say those without beta keys) will only be able to view pre-existing logs while the beta is live. Feel free to hop back on and grab your logs! Visuals not final, this is just the skin we're working with right now (me and Hex actually discussed a really fun feature pertaining to the layout that we're not willing to talk about yet because it's a 'in the future maybe' thing, look forward to that if it pans out!)

#3: A small reminder!

Ok so I asked Hex if I could do anything to help even though I'm bad at coding, and one of the things brought up was awareness of the github! So I'm pushing that again. The newerparp code is open source, and if you have experience with Ruby on Rails, any contributions/forks/etc would be adored. Hex has been a solo act so far on this project, and seeing other peoples' ideas put into practice in code contributions would help a ton, especially as the funny letters and numbers scare me.

That's all for now though, folks! Catch you around christmas for the gift of group chats and RP!

[cozyfallhalloweenvibes]

Hi hi, I'm Morgan (the face behind this blog) and i thought I'd take a sec and introduce myself 🧡🖤

I'm currently 27.

I'm genderqueer, pan-aceflux, demi-romantic, and polyamorous.

My pronouns are it/they/she.

I'm happily taken by my 3 amazing partners, 2 of whom I love with and one of whom is long distance. (UPDATE: As of September 1, 2023..our quad is living together!!)

I'm semi-verbal Autistic, ADHD, multiply disabled, and an ambulatory mobility aid user.

I'm plus sized and a HUGE advocate for body positivity. (FAT IS NOT A DIRTY WORD!)

I'm a writer/poet. (UPDATE: Dark Village Anthology out now!!)

I'm a practicing witch.

I'm obsessed with all things Autumn, Halloween, spooky, and cozy.

Some of my favorite spooky content creators and shops are: MidgeMunster, JadetheLibra, LivelyGhosts, & Exoumbra.

[nysocboy]

Gemstones Episode 3.1: Kelvin collects cocks, the Simpkins smirk, and Dusty Daniels flirts. With a Brazilian beefcake bonus.

The Season 2 finale of The Righteous Gemstones  aired in February 2022.  Season 3 premieres in June 2023, sixteen months later, but the timeline in the Gemstone universe doesn't fit.  Plus personalities and back stories are different.  As with Season 2, it will be more profitable -- and more fun -- to enter fresh, pretending that we have never seen or heard of these people before.

Title: "For I Know the Plans I Have for You."  Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I hope so, because word on the street is that this season gets very dark.

Rogers County Fair, 2000:  The teenage Jesse Gemstone is announcing a demolition derby featuring his monster truck, the Redeemer, while his parents, megachurch pastor Eli Gemstone and his wife Aimee-Leigh, argue: the Redeemer is putting butts in seats, but is this really appropriate for a Christian ministry?   What are we going to do next, sell beer?  At that moment, a muscle hunk comes by selling beer!

Eli and Aimee-Leigh's three kids look very young, but according to the fan wiki, Jesse is 19, Judy is 15, and Kelvin is 9 or 10.

While Aimee-Leigh is off smoking a cigarette, May-May, a shabbily-dressed middle-aged woman, approaches, furious: "You pretend to be all sweet and caring, but I know the truth -- what you done to my family."  She attacks; Aimee-Leigh runs through the crowd, screaming for help, but May-May catches up and hits her with a wrench. As she lies bleeding on the ground, a car hits -- May-May! 

Eli Retires: Present day. Time to introduce the main conflicts of the season.  First up: the now-elderly Eli is hanging out with his Mason-like Cape and Pistol Society. They ask how he's enjoying his retirement.  Actually, he's only semi-retired: he's writing another autobiography and taking speaking engagements, but his kids are running the church. Gulp!  His friend: "You scared your kids are gonna blow it?"  

Cut to Zion's Landing, the Gemstones' Christian-themed resort. The 42-year old Jesse and his crew confront Eli's driver.  In joke: his name is Walker!  He squealed to the press about the dwindling membership and donations since the kids took over, so they beat him up and fire him. Pretending to have never seen these characters before, I am shocked.  Christian ministers are often shady and hypocritical, but violent? What if someone sees?

A Cold Fish Kiss: Eli's second child, Judy, is now a famous singer.  She has just returned from a tour, and her husband BJ wants to snuggle, but she yells at him for pressuring her, gives him a "cold fish kiss," and runs out again.  Uh-oh, marital trouble.

Smut Busters: The primary conflict, judging from the amount of air time it gets: 32 or 33 -year old Kelvin, wearing a t-shirt that says "Smut Busters" above a splat of -- jizz?  -- is showing a giant novelty dildo to someone named Keefe. He exclaims with glee, "That is gonna hurt."  So he's gay, and Keefe is his boyfriend.  Who's the bottom?

We pan out to see kids examining a pile of sex toys, mostly dildos and butt plugs of various sizes and shapes, intended for gay men.  Notice the "Size Queen" dildo.   Hey, are these guys...gulp...pedos?

Psych!  Kelvin and Keefe are actually youth ministers, running a project called the Smut Busters.  They buy out the inventory of local adult stores, to force them into bankruptcy.  Wait -- anyone know basic economics?

The youth group kids, also in Smut Busters t-shirts, are just examining the latest haul.  Do they take the kids to the adult stores?  They wouldn't be allowed inside.  Besides,  "exposing children to sex" is a misdemeanor. 

They ask the kids and adult volunteer Taryn to join them in the Smut Buster chant: "No smut, no lust, no coconuts" (with a feminine hip wiggle). No one joins in.  

After extensive research, I conclude that "coconuts" doesn't have a symbolic meaning, except maybe to evoke testicles.  It was chosen for  its near-rhyme. The chant reflects the playground phrase "no butts, no cuts, no coconuts" (no cutting in line), and its variation, "No ifs, no buts, no coconuts" (no disagreeing).

Pretending to have never seen these characters before,  I conclude that they are a gay couple: notice how Kelvin plays with Keefe's nipple, an intimacy that platonic pals would not enjoy, how Keefe gets all bitchy around Taryn, and how most of the sex toys they buy are for gay men.  They can't conceive of something used by straight men as erotic: "There's a naked lady on the box.  Keefe, I said sexy, not disgusting!" 

So the main conflicts of the season will involve the transition of power, marital problems, and coming out. 

The Primitive Tribe: At church, the siblings are bragging about their missionary trip, where they brought Lasik Surgery to an isolated tribe in the Amazon. 

They are completely clueless; surgery to correct astigmatism must be the most trivial of the group's medical needs.  Plus the depiction of a "primitive tribe" veers uncomfortably close to racism.

Old Slow-Eyes: Then Sunday dinner at Jason's Steak House. They argue about who is responsible for the decline in church members and donations since Eli stepped down, then about church leadership: Jesse thinks that he should be the sole leader, but the others think that they should lead together. 

How closeted are Kelvin and Keefe?  They are presented as the equivalent of the other couples, Jesse/Amber and Judy/BJ;  Jesse even refers to them as a unit. Plus Kelvin displays some feminine traits that anyone would pick up on instantly. Maybe they are out to the family, but closeted to the church. 

Jesse criticizes the Smut Buster project -- preventing truck drivers from getting "dick pills" but not doing anything to help the church.  Kelvin says that they have bought up the inventory of 16 porno shops along the I-95 corridor. Of course, they get to keep the dildos. This is a call-back to Season 2, when Jesse complained that Kelvin's God Squad, a collection of musclemen, was solely for "popping boners," his own erotic enjoyment, not to help the church.

Next on the agenda:  A wealthy donor, famous racecar driver Dusty Daniels (Shea Whigham, left) planned to bequeath his entire $200 million fortune to the church.  But now that Eli has stepped down, he will be going with the rival Simpkins family instead.  Uh-oh,  the church can't afford to lose this!

The Evil Simpkins:  The siblings visit Dusty at his private racetrack to convince him to change his mind, but he thinks that the Simpkins display more fraternal affection.  The Gemstones can't even hold hands properly (this will become important later).  

Kelvin keeps fiddling with a ring on his wedding-ring finger, to draw viewer attention to it. Are he and Keefe actually married?

The Simpkins arrive: two brothers and a sister, about the same age as the Gemstones.  They have no trouble holding hands! Plus they are self-made millionaire pastors -- they didn't inherit a dynasty..  

Shay Simpkins flirts with Dusty, so Judy says that she also finds him hot.  Kelvin nods his agreement.  Wait - how out is he?  Dusty, openly bisexual, returns the compliment: "All y'all look good, but this ain't about looks."  Kelvin: "That's a good thing because if it were, we'd win by a mile."  They flex and posture.

Ok, Dusty says, why don't you battle for me?  In stock cars. He's putting himself in a feminine role: traditionally suitors compete for the attention of a young lady. 

Jesse against Craig Simpkins, who claims that he has no experience. Uh-oh, he means he's not experienced in the basic stock cars used in NASCAR racing.  He's an expert in the more advanced Formula 1 cars.

There isn't even a race: Jesse stalls and then spins out.  The fortune goes to the Simpkins! 

The full review, with nude photos and explicit sexual discussions, is on RG Beefcake and Boyfriends

[gleeandshame]

Semi live blog gbbo 2023 ep 9

Below the cut

Alison out :(

Noel’s jacket covering part of his shirt makes the :( frowny faces more prominent

Which is how I feel without Alison

Oh gosh, no offense to these men, but Tasha is my only fave left and if she’s gone I feel the personalities left are not that exciting to me

Like they’re all nice enough but womp

Paullywood scared of matcha, zzzzzz

“Just quiet”

Looooool Matty and Noel remembered the turn off oven bit. Fridge and oven for Tasha 😂

I hope Tasha’s butter cream doesn’t endanger her

Tasha whispering well done and Matty mouthing and signing thank you, bless

They didn’t even mention her Swiss texture

But her slightly over bake… well matty had his over so I don’t have to worry yet

This is random but if I was a bakery I would do themes with gbbo releases because ppl will be craving everything they make lol

I don’t know what a Tonka bean is but Paul actually liking a matcha something

Dan handshake, he does seem to like flavors

I’ve never had an apple tart?

Idk if I’ve had frangipane…

Oh no, Tasha’s is looking rough

Is matty really just copying Josh, lol

I know how the fruit should look from watching this show enough but true I probably couldn’t pull it off tho so like

Oh Josh’s first first in technical? Good for him

I would 🔪 Paul if he talked about me “coming back”

Happy birthday Tasha!!!!

I hope Tasha’s risk pans out, it usually does! But we’ll see

Unfortunately I would have to ask a disaster on someone else’s…

://///

Hard when patisserie is so late in the game, nowhere to hide

Thanks for helping, Dan

Yeah… three strikes you’re out

Josh star baker obvious

My giiiiirl 🥲

Like fair but she will be missed

Welp… finale next week

[criticalfai1ure]

( 001 ).   hi, i’m alex🔪, 30+, she/her.   ( 002 ).   welcome to #criticalfai1ure : a semi-selective and slow roleplay blog for a multitude of characters, many of whom you've seen me write elsewhere on this hellsite. ( 003 ).   you must be 18+ to interact.   ( 004 ).   my inbox is always open and memes never expire, send something today! ( 005 ).   like i said above, i am slow. this is with ic responses and many times with ooc too. i do my best but i'm a mom with a full-time job and i appreciate your patience more than you know. ( 006 ).   blogroll : @pizzatheif, @mirafirstmate, @sniperwithasmoke, @wallyclarkmemorial. ( 007 ).   most active muses in my brain : hugo ; august ; max ; diego ; basher.

est. april 2023    —    dash only.    beta editor. memes. google site. alt verses. interest tracker. incomplete gdoc.

MUSE LIST : ( updated 9.13.24 )

BATTLESTAR GALACTICA

karl “helo” agathon. ( private / plotted only )

BULLET TRAIN

tangerine - arthur [redacted] junior. formerly TANGERINESOUR

DUNGEONS & DRAGONS

edgin darvis. ( d&d : honor among thieves ) - human bard. chaotic good.

hardwon surefoot. ( naddpod ) - human / half-elf fighter. neutral good.

neega “neenee” axeslinger - half-orc bard. chaotic good.

basil “baz” silvertongue - half-orc warlock. chaotic neutral. character sheet gdoc.

lady favour of vawdeen - tiefling bard. chaotic neutral.

FALLOUT

hank maclean.

GHOSTBUSTERS formerly WHOYAGCNNACALL

peter venkman.

winston zeddemore.

ray stantz.

egon spengler.

janine melnitz.

GRISHAVERSE

ivan medvedev. formerly BEARTSAR

matthias helvar. formerly DJELVAR

pekka rollins. formerly KAELISHKINGPIN

jan van eck. ( private / plotted only )

jarl brum. ( private / plotted only )

KAOS

eurydice “riddy”.

LUPIN

benjamin ferel. ( testing )

MISC. / ORIGINAL CHARACTERS

hugo van houten - pizza fiend, petty thief, dumb of ass. formerly PIZZATHEIF

sebastian maximiliano “red”/“max” rojas - pilot, first mate, doomed by the narrative. formerly MIRAFIRSTMATE

leland sleight - scientist medic, traitor, bringer of the second apocalypse. affl with STORYSCRAWLED

thadeus p. louton - empath, scaredy-cat, paranormal investigator. formerly DISCOUNTEMPATH

herbert montgomery “monty” mustard. ( headcanon based ; clue ) - colonel, war profiteer, murderer?

jacques “jb” fèvre - art forger, liar, thief. formerly CONTREFACTEUR

kiyajara “kiki” sepúlvida - jb’s best friend, a better thief, the stabbiest.

ser bérénice “bernie” du bouclier - knight of the realm, right hand to the prince, lady of the shield. formerly TRIOMPHANTE; affl with WARSRAGE

felix hwa - army medic, heart of gold, in over his head. affl with GRAVEWALKS

oscar archibald ricketts - lighthouse keeper, keeper of the souls lost to the rocks, wraith? ( but too good at his job to bother replacing ).

silas “slightly” guthrie. ( headcanon based ; peter pan ) - ex-lost boy, current pirate?, still lost.

bernardino garcia “bear” - tattoo artist, brass knuckle brawler, assassin zookeeper. affl with CHAMPAGNEPROBLLEMS

oswald “oz” o'síoráin - bass guitarist, mummy's boy, number one hype man for his bandmates. affl with RICHMND

taylor barbaira - teen sleuth, lost in the woods, doomed by the narrative ( but eldritch ). affl with the MYRTLE SPRINGS DETECTIVE CLUB

MISC. PIRATE MEDIA

august van de hoek - dutch privateer turned pirate captain, teetotaller, the foothold of a legend that no longer reflects its source material.

fergus byrne. ( potc / ride based ) - navigator, helmsman, harbinger of death. formerly HELMSRNAN

john “calico jack” rackham. ( black sails ). formerly SICUTCANIS

james norrington. ( potc + headcanon based ).

jack the monkey. formerly JACKTHEMONKCY ( private / plotted only )

joshamee gibbs. formerly SUPERSTITIOUSSAILOR ( private / plotted only )

MISC. SHERLOCK HOLMES MEDIA

colonel sebastian “basher” moran. ( moriarty : the devil’s game ). ( private / plotted only )

colonel sebastian moran. ( elementary ). pending me watching the show.

sebastian a. "basher" moran. ( modern hotd/acd ) formerly SNIPERWITHASMOKE ( yes i have a problem, pls do not perceive me ).

NIMONA

ballister boldheart. ( movie based / comic influence ). ( testing ).

STRANGER THINGS

jim hopper. formerly HOPALONGJIM ( private / plotted only )

TED LASSO

roy kent. formerly FUCKINGKENT ( carrd )

THE BIG DOOR PRIZE

dusty hubbard. ( testing )

THE ROAD TO EL DORADO

tulio.

THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY

number two “diego” hargreeves. formerly FIGHTKNIFE

WYNONNA EARP

john henry “doc” holliday. formerly LUNGSLINGER

john henry holliday ii - legacy, sharpshooter, sidekick.

[sexypinkon]

Sexypink - A major Icon has left us richer, sadder and grateful.

............................................................................................................................

The National Archives of Trinidad and Tobago extends our condolences to the family and friends of the legendary Calypsonian, Gospel Singer, and former Calypso Monarch, Denyse Plummer.

Denyse Plummer broke barriers when she first emerged on the calypso scene during the 1980s, facing criticism onstage at Skinner Park as a “mixed”, female calypsonian in what has traditionally been seen as a male-dominated field. She never let this deter her however, and adamantly portrayed her love for her craft to the best of her ability, which earned her multiple crowns as Calypso Queen, and the 2001 Calypso Monarch Title with her popular song, “Nah Leaving”.

She began singing from an early age as a student at Holy Name Convent, and with their choir won several youth music competitions. Additionally, she participated in popular local talent competitions: "12 and Under", and "Scouting for Talent." As an adult, she regularly performed at the Chaconia Inn in Maraval during the 1970s-1980s.

Plummer released her first album in 1978. Her popular melodies eventually made their way to the ears of Len “Boogsie” Sharpe, who invited her to perform the Phase II Pan Groove steelband’s Panorama song, “Pan Rising” in 1986, although she had never sung calypso before. Her infamous debut at the Calypso Monarch semi-finals at Skinner Park saw jeering crowds throw projectiles at her on stage which she then incorporated into her performance, winning herself the respect of her audience and revealing why, “Woman is Boss”, as her 1988 song stated.

Following this, she was invited by calypsonian Superblue to perform at his Culture House calypso tent, and then at the late Aldwyn Roberts’, (Lord Kitchener’s) calypso tent The Revue, where she remained for 18 years. She enjoyed a successful calypso career and performed widely abroad as well, even winning Amateur Night at the Apollo Theatre in New York in 1989.

From 2015 until her passing Denyse Plummer had become a performer of Gospel music, but still incorporated the rhythm and music of calypso into her songs. In 2011, she was awarded the Trinidad & Tobago Hummingbird Medal Gold for her contributions to culture.

This photo is courtesy of the Trinidad and Tobago Guardian, July 26, 2023, which is part of the National Archives of Trinidad and Tobago Newspaper Collection.

References: Sookdeo, Bavina. “Denyse Plummer Privileged and Honoured.” Trinidad and Tobago Guardian, 8 Feb. 2013.

[freshsprout]

 i'm starting to feel like... i'm finally a better person than I used to be.

low activity, independent, crossover/AU & oc-friendly rp blog for collei from genshin impact. semi-selective. mutuals only. no nsfw. mun is 21+ years old and will not interact with minors.

please read rules in carrd before interacting.

discord available to mutuals upon request! ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

est. may, 2023. adored by pan (he/she/they , CET timezone).

[n0prom1ses]

N0PROM1SES :  independent,  semi  selective,  semi  to  low  active  multimuse  blog  that  consists  of  canon  characters  from  disney  channel  shows,  teen  wolf,  twilight,  wednesday,  films,  and  many  more.  brought  back  on  september  2023  by  lumi  (  26+,  pst/cst,  she/her  ). 

sideblog to @havntedbase

currently most active : bubbles utonium , alex russo , cat valentine , rosalinda fiore , mitchie torres , alice cullen , heather mcnamara , wednesday addams

guidelines , muses , ect.

BE KIND AND RESPECTFUL: i do not want any ooc drama at any time. this is a safe space just to write and have some fun. if there is any problem, i am always open to chat. AGE: i am 26+ years old and am only comfortable writing with muns AND muses that are 18+, so please be respectful of that. DO NOT RUSH: there are days where i just don’t have the energy to write, so please be respectful of that. and you don’t have to worry about rushing either! take your time. this is a hobby! TRIGGER WARNINGS: so since dark subjects might come up, they will be tagged accordingly! i will absolutely NOT write any of the following - eating disorders (my trigger), c*lowns (my phobia), large age gaps, incest (including step siblings/step parents), rape, any form of abuse, ect. SHIPPING: this is a multi ship blog so no ships will intersect with each other unless plotted. i also will not and do not accept force ship. this is all based off of chemistry. i also don't just ship, i welcome all platonic, familial, enemy things! sonny is also fluid. BANNED FCS: the ones who have asked not to be written, serious criminal charges, youtubers, ect. to name a few: amber heard, logan paul, lea michele, ect. if you have any questions, just let me know!

where else to find me:

@snnydcys , @snnynatural  ,  @greatcstarcher​

credit:

PSD: @ashtrqy (deviant art) - midnight city ICON TEMPLATE: me

FILM MUSES

alice  cullen  from  twilight saga   portrayed  by  lalisa  manoban

rosalie  hale  from  twilight  saga   portrayed  by  bae  joohyun

TELEVISION MUSES

blossom  utonium  from  powerpuff  girls   portrayed  by  park  sooyoung

bubbles  utonium  from  powerpuff  girls   portrayed  by  minatozaki  sana

buttercup  utonium  from  powerpuff  girls   portrayed  by  jung  hoyeon

cat  valentine  from  victorious   portrayed  by  park  chaeyoung

dani  santiago  from  glee   portrayed  by  demi  lovato   homosexual

katherine  pierce  from  the  vampire  diaries   portrayed  by  hande  erçel   exclusive  elena  @greedaeye

wednesday  addams  from  wednesday   portrayed  by  jenna  ortega asexual

MISC MUSES

beatrice  fox  from  red  white  and  royal  blue   portrayed  by  ellie  bamber

heather  mcnamara  from  heathers  the  musical   portrayed  by  kim  jennie   modernized

june  claremont  diaz  from  red  white  and  royal  blue   portrayed  by  selena  gomez

DISNEY / DISNEY CHANNEL MUSES

alexandra margarita  russo   from  wizards  of  waverly  place   portrayed  by  selena  gomez

charlote  la  bouff  from  princess  and  the  frog   portrayed  by  dove  cameron

evie  grimhilde   from  descendants  trilogy   portrayed  by  sofia  carson

macy  misa   from  jonas   portrayed  by  nicole  anderson

madison  rooney   from  liv  and  maddie   portrayed  by  dove  cameron

mal  from descendants trilogy  portrayed by dove cameron

mitchie torres  from camp rock  portrayed by demi lovato they/them/she/her

olivia  rooney   from  liv  and  maddie   portrayed  by  dove  cameron

rosalinda  maria  montoya  fiore   from  princess  protection  program   portrayed  by  demi  lovato now on @qveenr0sie

tawni  hart   from  sonny  with  a  chance   portrayed  by  sydney  sweeney

tinkerbell  from  peter  pan   portrayed  by  sabrina  carpenter   modernized

[sybilius]

🤯 What's the coolest thing you learned researching for a fic?

💪 What ship gave you the most brainrot this year?

🎆 What are you most excited to work on or share in 2023?

🤯 What's the coolest thing you learned researching for a fic?

I'm up to a delightful FOUR people asking me this in my inbox-- luckily it's been a research-heavy year for fanfiction, so I've got lots of great facts to pass along.

I became intrigued with what a (traditional-ish) Japanese breakfast is like assigning a hangover breakfast to a character. As a result I learned about tamagoyaki (recipe: https://www.196flavors.com/tamagoyaki/) which is an omelette flavored with sweet mirin, soy sauce, and whatever Really Good broth you have around. 11/10 recommend and as long as you're not fussy about how good the roll is, you don't have to get the special pan.

💪 What ship gave you the most brainrot this year?

Takeover, which was a tag team turned years apart turned bitter betrayal/divorce story in wrestling that made me fully insane <3

🎆 What are you most excited to work on or share in 2023?

Fantastic question! I ask myself that every day. Actually after finishing my mid-length multichapter fic I was joking semi-seriously about taking a "sabbatical" from fanfiction for a year-- I've been making more time to read and watch different things. I've been kind of into zines lately and given how much I like doing in depth pen illustrations lately I've toyed with making an original zine.

Fic wise though, I do still have two small things cooking, one of which I hope to post very soon. The other is another Takeover piece in the fun genre of "awkward situations for explaining your relationship situation" that I seem to have added to the roster of Syb fic bingo.