#oziahmidwinter

[dracosollicitus]

Hey i guess this is the right time to tell you that i LOVE your rebelcaptain fics (yes, in capitals!)! Both the aus and sw ones, the angst (i'm a huge fan!) And the fluff (i always assume im less ofa fan but then you convinceme) because you come up with these very specific details that ground your characters and plots (like kay watching penguin documentaries?)! So thank you for being a wonderful writer and sharing your fics

Thank you so much!!! This is so sweet? I’ve been meaning to write more Rebelcaptain, but I’ve been unsure (because it’s such an established fandom, and I’m not sure if I’d be able to keep up/what my place would be in it/would I be encroaching).

I loved reading this, it made me warm from my head to my toes (which is hard to do when it’s 25 degrees outside, and I’ve had to apply IcyHot to my back for the fourth day in a row for a pulled muscle!). Thank you!!!

[theputterer]

oziahmidwinter replied to your post : sunday six

The nonsense is back! Best news of the week already

well crap guess i really gotta finish this now

[boatcats]

The best and most certain means of escape

By @oziahmidwinter

[thegoodshipstarwars]

I was tagged by @jenniferjuni-per thank you!

Name: Laura

Nicknames: Lala, Simi, Momma Simi (Simi is my MMORPG avi, based on the character from Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Dark Hunter novels)

Zodiac sign: Gemini

Height: 5'4"

Nationality: Embarrassed American

Favorite fruit: strawberries, but I recently developed an allergy to them

Favorite season: Autumn

Favorite book: Tailchaser’s Song by Tad Williams

Favorite flower: Scottish thistle

Favorite scent: Thanksgiving turkey cooking in the oven

Favorite color: teal

Favorite animal: Fox (my college’s mascot was a vixen)

Coffee|Tea|Hot cocoa: hot cocoa (coffee tastes like motor oil and tea tastes like dirt)

Average sleep hours: I require 8-12 hours to function

Cat or dog person: cat

Favorite fictional character: Cassian Andor recently overtook Jamie Fraser, who stole my heart 20 years ago after I started reading Diana Gabaldon’s Outlander novels. Before that, it was Han Solo.

Number of blankets you sleep with: usually just top sheet because my husband is a furnace, but sometimes a lightweight duvet

Blog created: spring 2017, after I started reading Rogue One fics on ao3 and noticing authors linking to their Tumblr blogs

Number of followers: 21 (minus 4 p0rnbots)

Random fact: When a baby giraffe is born it falls from a height of 6 feet. (Thank you, weeks of watching April the Giraffe webcam)

Tag 20 people: Well I’m sure I’m double- and triple-tagging some of you, so just ignore me. @oziahmidwinter, @luxcapacitator, @greybronte, @imsfire2, @thestarbirdfromtheashes, @greenfleeze, @yavemiel, @adrindsky, @theresanewworldcoming, @mrdiegomoon, @floralgruuunge

[boatcats]

@oziahmidwinter prompted me to continue on with this ficlet (thank you for the prompt - I had fun). Hat tip to @katherinebarlow for the existence of Space Mis.

By the time the shelling stopped, Cassian was deeply engrossed in a story about a different rebellion in a galaxy far, far away. He was also shaky, cramped, and starving. And his whole body had started to ache in time with his back. Time to get out of dodge. 

Cassian put his book back in his pack, smiling a little at the fictional revolutionaries who had made the last five hours bearable (”light, light,” one of them had said, while facing death on a fictional barricade in a galaxy far, far away, “as all things come from light, so all things return to it.”)

Lock-picks, disguises, running and climbing could only get you so far. Books were Cassian’s best and most certain means of escape. 

By the time Cassian made it back to the U wing, he felt as though his muscles were attempting to detach themselves from his bones. Kay gave him a singularly unimpressed look as he dug around in the cubby beneath the dash for his meds. 

“Cassian …”

Ah, here came the lecture. 

“Cassian, you are very aware that your fragile human body works badly when you forget your meds.”

“Mm.” Cassian popped his meds into his mouth then looked around somewhat desperately for his glass of water. Where had he put it? 

Kay handed Cassian the glass. If he had been able to roll his eyes Cassian was certain that he would have.

“Yet you routinely forget your meds. Why is this?”

“I’ll get used to needing my meds, Kay. I’m still adjusting. It’ll be okay.”

“You never forget your book.”

“Books have been important to me for longer than my meds.”

“Organics are obsessed with stories.”

“Kay, you’re a droid designed to run simulations and come up with strategies. Don’t tell me you’ve never told yourself a story.”

“I have no need for stories.” 

Cassian shrugged.

But later, surrounded by the comforting hum of hyperspace, Kay reconsidered.

“I told myself a story once.”

“What was it about?”

“It was on Scarif. I ran a simulation where you survived.”

“Kay …”

“I’m glad you survived, Cassian.”

[this story is brought to you by that wow I forgot the meds feeling]

(x)

[theputterer]

oziahmidwinter replied to your post : Happy birthday! Sure there's no new SW movie but...

Wow this beautiful and returning to the nonsense and its mood made me realise how much i missed it.

i never really seem to venture Too Far from the Nonsense do i

but yeah i guess i miss it too, sometimes??? i re-read it occasionally, to try and gain that Spark that kicked me into completing a ridiculous project. it feels very Done which is definitely an influence in me posting two little snippets this year and nothing else within it

and thanks <3

[theputterer]

i was not on tumblr most of yesterday and today so I can’t find this on my dash, but YES absolutely this post is VERY IEGO!!!!

I am a huge fan of this idea that the Weirdness of Iego in fact stems from it being a halfway/near world to a whole other realm/universe. Like. YES. How fuN!!!

[theputterer]

oziahmidwinter replied to your post : He opened his eyes. The chronometer said it was...

More nonsense!!!

NO ONE IS MORE SURPRISED THAN ME

[theputterer]

oziahmidwinter replied to your post : i am extremely not qualified to write the...

Asori was wonderful!

oh man i love and miss Asori so much.

it was strange writing her because she came so... fully formed. like her big intro/backstory explanation in GRAY AREAS (the chapter titled, of course, “Asori”) came to me immediately. this idea that she could have been a lifelong, devoted servant to the Republic, and then when it fell, she transitioned with it into the Empire. but she knew what she had lost, and what the galaxy had lost, and she also knew how governments could fall, having seen it firsthand, so she resolved to do what had happened to the Republic to the Empire: taking it out from within.

but this is also such a HUGE sacrifice!! because she puts on the Imperial commander’s uniform every day and goes to work. and she watches the cadets at the Royal Imperial Academy become brainwashed into submitting to the Empire. they’re just KIDS. and she’s part of that effort in warping them. and she does it because they also teach her how they work, what their goals are for the Empire, and what their homeworlds, Empire-controlled, are like. it’s all great Intelligence. but god, what a cost. she is, arguably, the bravest character in the Nonsense.

and then Cassian comes along, and she sees SO MUCH of herself in him. this sad, lonely boy, so desperate to destroy the Empire. who has lost so much at its hands. he’s eager to work with her, and for her, because he trusts and believes her. he does this from the beginning! the wonderful thing about Cassian is how he trusts; Wada says this is one of his favorite things about Cassian, because it is so unusual. (and this is how Rogue One is formed, obvi.) To Asori, it is also remarkable. because Asori has forgotten how to trust.

but it is one thing for Asori to sacrifice herself, and her morals; it is another thing to sacrifice Cassian. but she does, time and time again. there are hints, in GRAY AREAS, that she is gutted by what becomes of Cassian under her wing:

“You’ll get used to it. I know that sounds impossible. But you will. You learn to disconnect from it all. Impassivity is survival.”

Cassian always understands why she does what she does, even when he doesn’t like it. the big instance of this is when Wada dies, and Asori decides not to tell Cassian for months. he understands why she has made this decision, and also thinks she was right; but boy, does it sting. he’s bitter about it. (and he’s like 17, so.) this is also a critical lesson for him, though: it’s the cost of leadership. it’s a warning of what he will have to do when, eventually, he comes to be in her shoes. (see: Cassian neglecting to inform Jyn and the rest of Rogue One that he is going to kill Galen).

she tells herself that Cassian is only doing what SHE would do, if she were in his place, but she forgets to ask herself if that cost has been worth it. if, were she given the opportunity to change her story; would she?

“I want you to tell me why you’ve called me in here.”

“It’s not that terrible. I just... I have to ask you to do something, and I dislike asking more of you than I already have.”

“Asori... That’s what I’m here for. To work, to... To do things that are difficult, and dangerous. You know that.”

“I know. But I... I think I forgot, at some point. You are very young, Cassian, and I forget that sometimes. I treat you like an equal, and we are not equals.”

No; she wouldn’t. not for herself. but perhaps there is still time for Cassian.

Asori is not the kind of person who straight-up says I love you. she demonstrates it in other ways. in GRAY AREAS, the story where Cassian dies at the end (canonically), she ultimately leaves her position at the Academy. when asked why she has done this, she says it had finally happened; the Empire had asked too much of her. and that’s to continue working for them after they have killed Cassian. that’s the bridge too far, after decades, for her.

in the later Nonsense stories, Cassian’s the one they call after she’s almost killed on Coruscant. he is who she wants to be with her when she dies, and who she wants to make any arrangements for her. there’s a lot of talk in the Nonsense about the intimacy of trusting your past and your future to someone, and that’s what Asori does here.

Cassian would never straight-up tell Asori that he loves her because she would get so awkward, lol. but she knows it, because he also demonstrates this. in YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS, he goes to Coruscant, a very very dangerous thing for him, because he wants Asori to meet Jyn. in AMOR FATI, he asks her to travel to Zastiga to see him get married, and she does; she drops everything to do so. she goes to Fest to see Fima. etc. etc. etc.

and all of this, of course, also illustrates how he really listened to her and what she had to say. because she did warn him of the importance to remember the nice things, to remember what keeps him going, to remember that Taraja loved him, etc. he forgets for a bit, and then he remembers it all. it seems like a small thing, Asori pushing this idea, but I think it saves his life, more than once.

anyway. lol. thank you for this reply and giving me the opportunity to prattle on about Asori.

tl;dr: Asori is a badass and a hero

[theputterer]

oziahmidwinter replied to your post : oziahmidwinter replied to your post : i am...

After the au to your au you are now writing your own meta!

LOL. but also. yes.

i never write like “meta” posts or whatever about Cassian because all my Cassian thoughts and opinions can be found in the Nonsense, and it seems... redundant? weird? to post them here? it feels like i’m bragging. like i need an excuse, an explicit interest/comment to really dig in.

but i got A LOT obviously

never fully dug into all the angel symbolism/related themes LITTERED throughout the Nonsense. like there’s been Some Mentions of Some Things but it’s tip of the iceberg stuff

i beg u someone please ask me about this sometime and give me the opportunity to prattle on about this

didn’t even cover all the hints/incarnations of mental illness/depression/melancholia in the Nonsense, particularly GRAY AREAS

like: Jeseej’s prediction vs. what the Angel on Iego said

[I think they’re both right]

allegories!

Cain and Abel

Beowulf stuff

fuck there was another one i’m forgetting

parenting philosophies!!!

Asori vs. Wada [mother+sister vs. father+brother]

Wada: do as I say not as I do

Asori: do as I say and as I do

raising a child vs. using a weapon

IDK they do a lot of this the same

Gabriel vs. Serafima

Gabriel chose not to raise Cassian

Gabriel wanted Cassian to forgive him so desperately

and now Cassian wants Ersa to forgive him, but he wants Ersa’s forgiveness for something else, something that is not even his fault

Serafima never had the time to raise Cassian

Serafima felt tremendous guilt over this “abandonment” of hers, and the revelation that Cassian inherited her melancholy

Cassian doesn’t know how to be a parent without feeling this urge to beg forgiveness

Is he wrong? IDK.

Suns and Moons and Stars

and sunsets and beaches, there’s a lot here

anyway.

[theputterer]

oziahmidwinter replied to your post : Nonsense Playlists

Wow Thank you for putting this together! It really makes me want to go back and reread with the music.

ahhh i love this! i really recommend the non-lyrical songs to read and listen to. so “Moving On” with the Iego chapter, “Dumbledore’s Farewell” for the Lemniscate/Wada’s death chapter, and “SHERlocked” for the Fest rebellion base attack/Nerezza’s death. but the other lyrical songs would be good, too, obviously. those are just very specific.

also “Skeletons” for every Mantooine scene

i’m glad you like seeing it all put together, it took a while, lol. i forgot how much music there was until i was typing it all out. but like i said, some 610,000 words. a lot of music needed.

P.S. i tried to tag you in a tag game meme last week, and could not? Idk what is up with that. might be my tumblr/laptop

[theputterer]

oziahmidwinter replied to your post : yeeesss i found the nonsense playlist on spotify!...

Thank you for the addition!

i think about Cassian and Angels every day of my life, it was the least i could do

[theputterer]

12, 15, 19, 25, 43?

12. Is your writing space clean or cluttered?

plot twist: i don’t really have a writing space! 

GRAY AREAS, YOU MUST REMEMBER THIS, and AMOR FATI were written in my old LA apartment, on my bed and at my desk, both of which were very cluttered, in between textbooks and notebooks and whatnot. everything else since then has been written in the living room or the kitchen or the upstairs.

15. If you could transport your original characters into another author’s world, which world would you choose?

well ~technically~ i did send some OCs into STAR WARS, which is always the goal, lol.

man i really don’t know! I think my hang-up is I can’t imagine my OCs being anywhere else? they are a product of the story they are in. also no one is equipped for further world-exploring.

19. Would you rather live in your characters’ world, or have your characters come live in our world?

all my original stories are grounded in “Reality”, whether it be the past, present, or future. it is still very much “our” world just with some adjustments that did not happen or haven’t happened yet.

i’m pretty good here in the current world, even if i have my Issues with it. i know it, though, which is a big advantage. i know how it works. I would struggle in a new “world”, and that would include the Nonsense, where I don’t fully understand everything. also i have no skills or knowledges that would truly aid me there.

and I can’t imagine taking anyone out from STAR WARS and putting them here.

25. What books are must-reads in your genre?

still not sure about my genre, but here are books/poems that influenced/inspired my projects:

Trash Fire: The Tempest and As You Like It by Shakespeare, Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell, the poetry collection Ariel by Sylvia Plath, The Waves by Virginia Woolf, Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn 

Project North Dakota: The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, Averno by Louise Gluck, salt. by Nayirrah Waheed, “Prayer to Persephone” by Edna St. Vincent Millay, Your Voice In My Head by Emma Forrest, “They are hostile nations” by Margaret Atwood

Fleapit: Contact by Carl Sagan, The Dream Thieves by Maggie Steifvater

Nonsense: “No Voyage” by Mary Oliver, Crush by Richard Siken, The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, “Amor Fati” by Jane Hirschfield, Beowulf, story of Cain and Abel, Tragedy: A Curious Art Form by Anne Carson, “Down” by Margaret Atwood, “Folk Medicine and Magic of Ukrainians” by Iryna Ihnatenko, the story of Jacob’s Ladder

there is more i am forgetting. snippets/quotes of poems inspired the Nonsense, not to mention MUSIC but this is a lot so i’ll stop

43. Do you tend to write protagonists like yourself or unlike yourself?

HA

Grace, from Project North Dakota, is basically Me because that story is a semi-autobiographical tale of apocalypses.

Sylvia, from the Trash Fire, is like me in that she is a mess who loves her sister and doesn’t know how best to demonstrate this, and not like me in that she is very self-sufficient and entirely unafraid to be alone.

Theia (as she is currently named) from Fleapit is not a lot like me, though we share similar mother issues and a rabid sense of guilt and self-hatred.

Cassian, as I developed him in the Nonsense, is nothing like me save for maybe his dry sense of humor, and then his Sernpidalian melancholia borrows from my bipolar disorder.

[as mentioned before, I share most in common with Serafima, though she is far braver than i could ever be.]

thanks for the asks!!!!

asks from his post

[boatcats]

Writing didnt happen tonight because I had a lot of work to finish. Going to write it this weekend for sure. Thanks again for the prompt!

HEy can I prompt you with your own (prompt)? "There was another boom. Cassian sighed and reached for the book in his pack." (I've always wanted to know how this snippet develops). Also, I love your ao3 stuff, especially intersectionality in space; and I hope you made it through the day alright!

Oh man! Absolutley! Thank you so much :) I’ll write this tonight. My morning went surprisingly well, also!

[theputterer]

tagged by @magalis:

Describe yourself with only 10 photos you have. You cannot download any new photos. Tag 10 people.

Luckily, I just backed up all the photos off my phone, so!!! I have no photos on my laptop, it’s too new, and I usually delete pictures I download or screenshot, so. most of these are pictures I took, with my hella shitty photography skills.

oh my god though does everyone remember left shark??

tagging @vaderkat @leaiorganas @dykester @fortysevenswrites @cassianserso @callioope @oziahmidwinter @i-am-slain @riceinthechurch @gloriouswhisperstyphoon

[theputterer]

tagged by my friend @lisa-in-the-sky, it’s 10 gifs of my 10 favorite TV shows*

*10 FAVORITE. not 10 MOST WELL MADE. but 10 I adore with all my trash taste and questionable LOVE.*

*although i really do think these are, for the most part at least, VERY GOOD.

and here are some of my favorite moments from them:

1.

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10.

tagging @vaderkat @callioope @magalis @i-am-slain @starborncas @fortysevenswrites @alittlemomentum  @castiellover77 @leaiorganas  @oziahmidwinter @cassianserso and anyone else who would like to do it!