thebarnespack

[gracefullygreaser]

80𝙨 𝙈𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙚𝙨 𝘾𝙤𝙧𝙚

[bestofcaryelwes]

Cary as Lionel in the film 'Oxford Blues' (1984) ✨️

Gif by @cary-elwes

[sinisternymphette]

fade into you - modern au!levi

because...I've been thinking about him recently... this is just a cute little self-indulging fic I made.. this is the first time I've ever written him so I apologize if he's a bit uncharacteristic. (also I wrote this in 2 am) Two pov's are here!! (use of f!reader)

⎯ 1984, huh. Good read, classic. You heard a gruff voice speak to you, making you look up almost immediately. Your gaze was met with a rather short middle-aged man's cold yet beautiful silver-blue eyes, his lips an unamused thin line which held no emotion in them. He was wearing an apron, which meant he was one of the people working in the quaint little teashop you were in. You tilted your head slightly to the side in confusion, blinking slowly as if you were a feline. However, you soon figured out he was talking about the book you were so carefully holding- 1984 by George Orwell. He was one of your favorite authors, so earlier this week, you were giddy to learn that your local library had more of his works. And so, you had to pick the next one on your list.

a faint ''oooh!'' left your mouth, staring at him and giving him a brief nod as a close-mouthed smile started to form on your glossy lips a little awkwardly. You gave a quick side glance at the menu that laid on the old and rounded wooden table before you met his eyes again.

⎯ Umm yeah, you started, voice vibrating slightly in a sheepish response to the unexpected comment. No one had ever come up to you before to mention the book you were reading. In fact, this was the first time you've caught a stranger's attention, no matter the reason. In a flick of a moment, you looked at the man in front of you up and down- he had short and straight, sleek black hair which was styled in an undercut curtain. He had dark circles under his eyes, something that you could relate to- though yours weren't as noticeable as his. His appearance almost reminded you to a sickly victorian child mixed with a history teacher, especially because of his stature and choice of clothing. He was wearing a white long-sleeved shirt under his apron, dark brown trousers with a black leather belt and simple black oxfords.

⎯ I love his books. Animal Farm is one of my favorites- actually. You continued, a slight glimmer in your eyes as you spoke softly in almost a murmur. You placed the book on your lap before bringing one of your hands to brush some strands out of your face, placing them under your ears. ⎯ short, but a masterpiece.

The black-haired man's expression remained the same, though you were also met with a slight scoff. He seemed to be unamused, despite his interest in the beginning. This made you pout faintly, only a little. ⎯ Hm, I can agree with that. he mumbled, cold eyes meeting yours again and crossed his arms in front of his chest. His gaze and tone of voice might have made him seem uninterested and cold, but somehow, he still gave off a somewhat 'welcoming' aura, which was strange- to say the least. You guessed he was one of them closed-off types. ⎯ Did you sit here only to talk about Orwell, or do you actually want to drink some tea as well? he suddenly asked, which caught you completely off-guard. You slowly brought your hands together over the book that was sitting on your lap to fidget your fingers with each other in a nervous manner, a tiny frown forming on your features where once laid a soft expression. Usually, people were easy for you to read- but this man seemed like a puzzle, an enigma. Part of you thought that he was simply an asshole, while the other wanted to believe he didn't mean to come off like that- especially by the immediate reaction he had to his own words, his silver slits of eyes widening by the slightest, a glimmer of regret behind them. Still, you didn't want to assume. ⎯ Oh. That was all what was able to come out for a few moments, disappointment and shock carrying that simple word. You glanced to the side. ⎯ Right. Sorry. I'll be getting an hmm.. Arrowroot tea. Small cup, please. A glass of water with that, too. You were finally able to word something, and despite your attempts at sounding firm like him, you came off more awkward than you wanted to, voice as soft as a feather. Oops, so much for being strong and confident.

His gaze lingered on you for a few moments, silence filling the air around the both of you. ⎯ Mhm. With that, he simply gave you a nod, turned around and walked back behind the counters of the shop where all the brewing equipment and coffee-making machines were, murmuring briefly with the other person working there- A brunette, young woman -who seemed to be some years younger than you- with wide brown eyes and her hair up in a ponytail, wearing an apron like the man's. The woman's gaze landed on yours, though you quickly glanced away, staring right down onto your book. He probably said something rude about you to her, despite the fact that you didn't do anything. You just knew it, you felt it.

Your thoughts, however, were interrupted after a few minutes by the sudden sound of him clearing his throat, standing right next to you. You perked your head up ⎯ Here. He placed the warm cup on the table, not bothering to look at you. ⎯ It's 3 dollars. In a swift motion, you opened the zipper of the bag that was sitting on the chair next to yours and pulled out your purse, taking out the pennies of money you owed. Before you were able to turn your back and hand him the money, he placed a small and pretty little porcelain rounded plate in front of you, 2 scones with strawberry jam on it. Strange.. you didn't order those. ⎯ I think you got my order wrong, I didn't ask fo- you spoke up as you turned, though your words were immediately cut off by his husky voice. ⎯ On the house. his gaze softened to some extent, except it switched back to his former one in a blink of an eye. You looked back to the scones, then looked at him again with clear confusion as you gave him the money- your fingers touching his for only seconds before they didn't anymore. Was this because he felt bad about the rudeness from before, or did the girl he was with talked some sense into him? Maybe your hearing was broken. ⎯ Really? you almost blurted out, which caused him to chuff in response, slightly rolling his eyes. ⎯ Yes. Take it or leave it. Despite the roughness that came off with that sentence and the stoic expression on his face, he seemed to have done it as an attempt to hide the way the thin lines of his lips curled up- however minuscule it was. You honestly found it a bit funny and strange, why he was trying to act like such an angry and grumpy little old man instead of just..being normal. ⎯ Uh..thanks, I guess. You replied, rewarding him with a soft smile as you took the cup and brought it to your lips, taking a small sip while you sniffed, enjoying the tea's smell.

⎯ Enjoy your tea. He replied with a brief nod of his head while his gaze remained on you for a short moment before he eventually let out a scoff, though it didn't really seem to be from annoyance, but from something else. You weren't 100% sure though. He then turned away once again and went back to tidying up some tables, occasionally glancing your way. You didn't pay much attention to him though because as soon as he left; you opened your book, took out the lace page marker you had carefully placed in the last page you've been reading, placed it back on the table and got emerged in the story. You furrowed your eyebrows, a sign you were concentrated and not paying attention to your surroundings while you hummed softly to yourself.

Levi walked back to his spot after restlessly cleaning the same table for the past 10 minutes. He had a frown on his face, a dark and gloomy expression as he huffed, using his arm to wipe off some of the little sweat that was starting to form on his forehead. He got behind the counter while Gabi took the task of making the tea, and she quickly turned to look at him as she brewed the order she just got. An amused smile played on her lips, snickering softly which made Levi give her a scowl. ⎯ What do you want, brat. he murmured, bringing his hand to pinch his temples. He was way too embarrassed already, having pulled that stupid little stunt back there and acting like a complete ass to that woman. He didn't even mean to say what he did, but for some reason, the woman made his words get caught in his throat- and it made him confused, it was an unusual thing to happen, a new feeling, so he didn't like that. Still, that wasn't an excuse to act the way he did. And internally, he was still cussing at himself. ⎯ Sooo, did she accept the scones? She asked, a playful glint in her eyes as she waited for his response. Levi sighed. ⎯ What do you think? You see them in my hands? Gabi nodded, understanding what he meant and that it was a warning for her to mind her own business. As much as she loved teasing the old man, she didn't like getting on his bad side, especially if he was already having a rough day. Levi stood there, crossing his arms and leaning over the counter next to the cash register as his gaze traveled through the shop, though his eyes always seemed to land on the woman's even if he didn't intend to. Damnit.

He wasn't sure what caused him to be like this. Usually, he was too focused on his work to even notice the clients he was having. He didn't care about socializing with any of them, or making any new friends. After all, he was already happy with the ones he already had- Falco and Gabi, who were his adopted children, his best friends Erwin, Hange, Miche and Onyankopon, and his dumbass almost-siblings Isabel and Furlan. He didn't need anyone else, nor wanted anyone else. So why was his body acting against his mind?

⎯ She's real pretty she whispered, trying to act discreetly as she nodded towards her with her head, leaning against the wall next to Levi. He shrugged, clearly unamused by her comment as he glanced down, acting as if he was tiding the cash inside the cash register. He didn't respond, just glanced towards the woman's way every few moments. Gabi then left to tend a costumer, a tray on one of her hands with a warm cup of tea.

Some times passed, and you finally got out of the trance-like state you were in as your read your book, head perking up as you yawned softly. Drinking tea always made you sleepy, which was a pleasant feeling. It calmed you down, especially while reading. A content sigh escaped your lips, and you slowly stood up to grab your bag and put your things inside before you fixed your now slightly messy hair. ⎯ Done with your tea, huh. you heard the now familiar cold voice speak up behind you, realizing he was probably waiting for you to finish all this time. You nodded his way, turning fully to look at him correctly. ⎯ Yup, tea and scones were very good, thank you. You replied, your voice sounding more kind now. You looked at the now empty cup in your hand before looking at him, making a small chuckle ⎯ Do I leave this here, or is there a trash can where I can drop this? he shook his head, pulling up his hand in a way of saying no. ⎯ Leave it here. he said with usual tone, his silver eyes looking up and down at you, almost as if he was scanning you. He then took a cloth from his pocket and started to wipe the table clean, no longer looking at you and his expression immediately became stoic again. And so, with that, you started to walk away without looking back. You were tired now, and all you wanted was to go home, take a warm bath and loath on your bed. However, as you were about to open the door, the bell chiming softly, you heard his voice again. ⎯ Will you be coming here again? Your eyes widened as you listened, the tone in his voice almost sounding hopeful, even if it was just a little bit. You turned to look at him one last time, nodding. ⎯ I really liked this place. So yeah, I probably will.

You didn't know, but deep down inside of him, with those simple words you just spoke, a warm and fuzzy feeling stirred in his tummy, even if all he did was nod in response and turn to keep doing what he was doing. A tiny, small, minuscular but content smile almost appeared on his lips. He was glad. Glad that he would see you again, and he couldn’t wait for you to return, as much as he tried to convince himself he didn't.

@sinisternymphette 2024

[in-love-with-movies]

Oxford Blues (1984)

[justforbooks]

With his shrewd eyes and his forks of corn-yellow hair, Julian Sands was a natural choice to play the valiant, romantic George Emerson, who snatches a kiss from Lucy Honeychurch (Helena Bonham Carter) in a Tuscan poppy field in A Room With a View (1985). “I wanted him to be real, not a two-dimensional minor screen god,” he said. “I liked him in his lighter, sexier moments, less so when he was brooding.”

Sands, who has died aged 65 while hiking in mountains in California, was dashing in that film, but he could also project a dandyish, effete or sinister quality. He was blessed with a mellifluous voice and a lean, youthful, fine-boned face, even if, as a child, his brothers insisted he resembled a horse. (He agreed.) In James Ivory’s film of EM Forster’s novel, he was pure heart-throb material. His participation in the notorious nude bathing scene was no impediment to the picture’s success.

Prior to that, he had played the journalist Jon Swain in The Killing Fields (1984), Roland Joffé’s drama about the bloody rise of the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia. The picture marked the beginning of his friendship with his co-star John Malkovich. “I’d been cautioned by Roland to keep my distance from John because he was an unstable character,” Sands recalled. “And John had been told by Roland to stay away from me, because I was a refined, sensible person who didn’t want to be distracted. In fact, we bonded instantly.”

Malkovich directed Sands in a one-man show in which he read Harold Pinter’s poetry. First staged in 2011, the production had its origins in an occasion six years earlier when Pinter, suffering from oesophageal cancer, had asked Sands to read in his stead at a benefit event in St Stephen Walbrook church in the City of London. The writer “sat in the front row with his stone basilisk stare”, Sands recalled.

Not all his work was so highfalutin, and a good deal of it fell into the category of boisterous, campy fun. In Ken Russell’s Gothic (1986), he played the poet Shelley, who indulges in sex, drugs and séances with Lord Byron (Gabriel Byrne) and the future Mary Shelley (Natasha Richardson), and is prone to recite verse naked in thunderstorms.

In a similar vein but far less deranged was Impromptu (1991), which brought together other notable 19th-century figures including George Sand (Judy Davis) and Frederic Chopin (Hugh Grant). Sands, who played Franz Liszt, described it as “Carry On Composer”.

Born in Otley, West Yorkshire, he was raised in Leeds and Gargrave, near Skipton; he later described his childhood as “part conservative and part Huckleberry Finn”. His mother, Brenda, was a Tory councillor and leading light of the local amateur dramatic society, while his father, William, who left when Julian was three, was a soil analyst. Julian made his acting debut in a local pantomime at the age of eight.

At 13, he won a scholarship to Lord Wandsworth college, Hampshire. He moved to London to study at Central School of Speech and Drama, and while there became friends with Derek Jarman. He played the Devil in an extended promotional video that Jarman directed in 1979 for Marianne Faithfull’s album Broken English. The role had been intended for David Bowie, who dropped out at the eleventh hour. “You’re devilish,” Jarman told Sands. “You can play it.”

The actor’s first film appearance came in an adaptation of Peter Nichols’s stage comedy Privates on Parade (1983), starring John Cleese and Denis Quilley, from which his one line of dialogue was cut. There was more rotten luck when he won the lead in a new Tarzan movie, only for the financing to fall through. It was eventually filmed as Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (1984), with Christopher Lambert donning the hallowed loin-cloth.

On television, he starred with Anthony Hopkins in the miniseries A Married Man (1983). In Oxford Blues (1984), he was a rower butting heads with a Las Vegas parking attendant (Rob Lowe) who has tricked his way into a place at Oriel College. He was in The Doctor and the Devils (1985), inspired by the Burke and Hare case. “I had a roll in the hay with Twiggy which took about 15 takes,” he said.

Following A Room With a View, he agreed to play the lead in Ivory’s next Forster adaptation, Maurice (1987), before abruptly dropping out and fleeing to the US. In the process, he left behind his wife, the journalist Sarah Sands (nee Harvey), who described him as “restless” and “dramatic”, and their son, Henry. “I’m not the first person to create stability and security and then dismantle it even more effectively than I created it,” the actor said.

Once in America he took on an array of film parts. In Warlock (1989), he played the son of Satan, wreaking havoc in modern-day Los Angeles. Investing this pantomime villain with lip-smacking brio, he was likened by the Washington Post to a “hell-bent Peter Pan” and nominated for best actor in the Fangoria Chainsaw awards. He reprised the role in Warlock: The Armageddon (1993).

As an entomologist in Arachnophobia (1990), he was called upon to have as many as a hundred spiders crawling all over his face. Alternating these mainstream projects with arthouse ones, he played a diplomat in pre-war Poland in Krzysztof Zanussi’s Wherever You Are … (1988) and a monk in Night Sun (1990), the Taviani brothers’ adaptation of Tolstoy’s short story Father Sergius.

For the Canadian horror director David Cronenberg, he starred in the warped and witty Naked Lunch (1991), which disproved those who had declared William S Burroughs’s original novel unfilmable. Just as outré but less accomplished was Boxing Helena (1993), directed by Jennifer Lynch, daughter of David. Sands played a surgeon who keeps a woman captive by making her a quadruple amputee.

After starring as a young classics teacher in his friend Mike Figgis’s film of Terence Rattigan’s The Browning Version (1994), Sands worked a further six times with that director, appearing in his movies even when he was an unorthodox choice for the job in hand. One example was the part of a menacing Latvian pimp in Leaving Las Vegas (1996).

Later roles include a mysteriously unblemished Phantom in Dario Argento’s version of The Phantom of the Opera (1998), Louis XIV (whom Sands described as “the first supermodel”) in Joffé’s Vatel (2000), a crime kingpin named Snakehead in the Jackie Chan vehicle The Medallion (2003), a computer security wizard in the comic caper Ocean’s Thirteen (2007), a younger version of the businessman played by Christopher Plummer in David Fincher’s take on The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo (2011) and a sadistic paedophile in the gruelling wartime odyssey The Painted Bird (2019).

On television, he was a Russian entrepreneur in the fifth season of 24 (2006) and the hero’s father, Jor-El, in two episodes of the Superman spin-off Smallville (2009). For the BBC, he played two very different actors in factually based one-off specials: first Laurence Olivier in Kenneth Tynan: In Praise of Hardcore (2005), then John Le Mesurier in We’re Doomed! The Dad’s Army Story (2015).

His recent work includes Benediction, Terence Davies’s haunting study of Siegfried Sassoon, and the thriller The Survivalist (both 2021), which found him back in the company of Malkovich. One of several titles still awaiting release is the drama Double Soul (2023) starring F Murray Abraham and Paz Vega.

Sands never stopped wandering, walking, running and climbing. “I am on a perpetual Grand Tour,” he said in 2000. Asked in 2018 about his eclectic career, he explained: “I was looking for something exotic, things that took me out of myself. I think I found myself a little boring.”

He was reported missing while out in the San Gabriel mountains, north of Los Angeles, in mid-January 2023. His remains were found in June.

In 1990 he married Evgenia Citkowitz. She survives him, along with their two daughters, Imogen and Natalya, and his son.

🔔 Julian Richard Morley Sands, actor, born 4 January 1958; died circa 13 January 2023

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at http://justforbooks.tumblr.com

[maximumwobblerbanditdonut]

Goodbye to Julian Sands, who was a lovely actor. Such a sweet man. You would have adored him, funny, generous and beautiful. 💔

British actor Julian Sands, known for his films like “A Room with a View” and “The Killing Fields,” has been found dead after going missing in the San Gabriel mountains in Southern California in January. He would have been 65.

A Room with a View (1985) It was with an impulsive kiss in an Italian poppy field that the late Julian Sands achieved his version of immortality. The scene is remembered as the most iconic moment in Edwardian society the most beloved English period piece of its era.

Sands, who was born, raised and began acting in England, worked constantly in film and television, amassing more than 150 credits in a 40-year career. During a 10-year span from 1985 to 1995, he played major roles in a series of acclaimed films.

After studying at the Royal Central School of Speech and Drama in London, Sands embarked on a career in stage and film, playing small parts in films including “Oxford Blues” and “The Killing Fields.” He first gained international recognition playing British journalist Jon Swain in Roland Joffe’s far darker drama The Killing Fields (1984), set in Cambodia during the time of the Khmer Rouge’s genocide against its own people.

The film provided breakthrough roles for both Bonham Carter and Sands

He landed the starring role of George Emerson, who falls in love with Helena Bonham Carter's Lucy Honeychurch while on holiday in Tuscany, in the 1985 British romance, “A Room With a View.”

The film from director James Ivory and producer Ismail Merchant won the British Academy of Film and Television Arts award (BAFTA) for best film and was nominated for eight Oscars, winning three.

In the wake of its success, Sands moved to the United States to pursue a career in Hollywood.

RIP 💔

1958-2023

#JulianSands #ARoomWithaView #OxfordBlues #TheKillingFields #Edwardiansociety #Bafta #GeorgeEmerson #HelenaBonhamCarter #LucyHoneychurch #London #JamesIvory #OMioBabbinoCaro #KiriTeKanawa #Tuscany #IsmailMerchant

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Welcome to Too Much Information Tuesday.

There are 328 people in the US called Abcde.

Signs saying 'Beware Of Pickpockets' attract pickpockets.

In ancient Rome, women used tampons soaked in opium.

The best time of the day for hand-eye co-ordination is 8pm.

Fear of heights only begins six weeks after a baby learns to crawl.

Half the buyers of vinyl records in the US don’t own a record player.

The average Briton lies about how they really feel 11 times per week.

The happier a bird is, the jazzier and more free-form its singing will be.

Prisoners in California can reduce their sentences by opting to fight forest fires.

Red lipstick boosts waitresses' tips from male customer but not from female ones.

At a food safety conference in Baltimore in 2014, 100 attendees got food poisoning.

Hippos can retract their testicles over a foot into their body to stop rivals biting them.

Until the reign of Henry VIII, kitchen assistants in the Royal household worked naked.

A cyberchondriac is someone who scours the internet looking for details of their illnesses.

There is more toxic nitrogen dioxide in London's Oxford Street than anywhere else in the world.

As a teenager, Sean Paul was on the Jamaican national teams for both swimming and water polo.

Before the invention of colour TV, 75% of people reported dreaming in black and white. Today, only 12% do.

William The Conqueror banned capital punishment. Instead, criminals had their eyes or testicles removed.

Robert Mugabe's wife, Grace, received her PhD from the University of Zimbabwe two months after she enrolled.

King Harold didn't die at the battle of Hastings from an arrow in the eye: he was hacked apart by four Norman knights.

Astronomers at the Allen Telescope Array in California always keep champagne in their fridge in case they discover alien life.

George Orwell named '1984's torture chamber Room 101 after a BBC conference room where he endured countless, boring meetings.

When Stephen Hawking gave a lecture in Japan, he was asked not to mention the possible re-collapse of the universe in case it affected the stock market.

There is no strong evidence that having sex, going for a walk or eating spicy food helps to induce labour in pregnancy. Nipple stimulation, however, has been shown to work.

By the end of her life, Queen Victoria's bust measured seven inches more than her height (5’ 0”). Did the maths for you: 67 inches! Search “Norma Stitz” to see what that looks like!

The oldest known British joke dates from the 10th century. Found in a book of Anglo-Saxon poetry, it reads, "What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? Answer: A key."

Your dreams get weirder during the night. Shortly after you fall asleep, your dreams are most likely to be about things you did or saw during the day, but as the night wears on they become increasingly detached from reality.

In 1923, a jockey named Frank Hayes won a race at Belmont Park in New York despite being dead. He suffered a heart attack mid-race, but his body stayed in the saddle until his horse crossed the line for a 20-1 outsider victory.

Aphrodite of Knidos was one of the first full-size female nude statues in Greek history. According to ancient Greek historian, Lucian of Samosata, it was so lifelike that a man broke into the temple where it was housed to attempt to have sex with it.

In 1978, Isaac Asimov judged a local limerick contest and deemed this entry to be the best out of 12,000: “The bustard’s an exquisite fowl, With minimal reason to growl, He escapes what would be, Illegitamacy, By grace of a fortunate vowel.”

In 1996, a Hong Kong gangster kidnapped the son of the richest man in Asia and demanded a $130 million ransom for his return. After receiving the money, the gangster later called the billionaire and asked him for advice on how he should invest the money.

French gangster Albert Spaggiari was arrested after his gang stole 60 million francs worth of valuables from a bank. At his trial, he distracted the judge, then leaped out of a window and fled on a motorcycle specially set up for him. He was never caught.

The single biggest expense in the Lego Universe video game was hiring a team of moderators to detect if anyone had built Lego penises. Lego Universe was supposed to be the Lego MMO to rule them all but the PC-exclusive title disappeared from existence not too long after its launch. Despite the team's best efforts, their dong detection software just couldn't keep up with the sheer amount of inappropriate player erections popping up everywhere.

Okay, that’s enough information for one day. Have a tremendous and tumultuous Tuesday! I love you all.

[koschei-the-ginger]

Finally posting my thoughts on Cary Elwes' films between 1979-2004

Yesterday's hero (1979) - he's an extra somewhere in this shot, I guess lol

Another Country - he was so awkward lol but this movie was overall great.

Oxford Blues (1984) - I couldn't stand watching 80s Rob Lowe in a sports drama so I only skimmed through this one. His character was posh and obnoxious™

The Bride (1985) - this was so bad, I only skimmed through it and I still cringed all the time.

Lady Jane (1986) - the first movie I watched for this post, I ended up staying up until 4 am on a work day and I have to say, he simply looks too catholic to be in this movie, I am sorry, that's all I could think about... And for a movie about two 15 year kids it featured a lot of extremely uncomfortable scenes of them naked

The Princess Bride (1987) - listen, I totally get the hype but I watched it for the first time as an adult only bc it was famous on tumblr so I just can't feel about it the way others do

Maschenka (1987) - I looked so hard for this movie and only found in it Russian dub, which was voiced over the german dub and I'm not that desperate yet... I don't think I missed anything important.

Never on a Tuesday (1989) - another movie I just skimmed to see his 2-minute part, the plot was about some guys trying to hook up with a hot lesbian or something. Charlie Sheen appeared too for about 30 seconds

Glory (1989) -this should not be a movie about Matthew Broderick....

Days of Thunder (1990) - Tom Cruise snoozefest but he's really good at being blond and annoying™

Hot Shots! (1991) - the sequel is way better

Leather jackets (1991) - miscast in a terrible movie again

Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) - finally something interesting!

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993) - I imagine this is how other people feel about the Princess Bride, this is the movie of my childhood. Looking at it now, there are some problematic jokes but it's still just so funny.

The Crush (1993) - why are there so many movies about grown ass men "being seduced" by literal children. I'm sure I've seen this movie as a kid, the way he punched her in the face in the end felt so familiar

1994-1999 - covered in a previous post

Cradle Will Rock (1999) - convoluted mess

Shadow of the Vampire (2000) - Willem Dafoe being creepy in an indie movie for 92 minutes, it's strange but it's not bad

The Cat's Meow (2001) - lame, messy, who asked for this? ...

Wish You Were Dead (2002) - When I tried watching it for the first time I had to turn it off after 3 minutes. Glad I gave it a second chance, it's a low-budget direct-to-video movie that's very silly and nobody is taking it seriously, Cary Elwes sounds like he forgot his inhaler, Elaine Hendrix is just there for the funsies and Mary Steensburgen is having the time of her life playing a small town gold digger.

Comic Book Villains (2002) - another low budget movie but if you like Natasha Lyonne you should definitely give it a go. I'm sure I've seen it before

Saw (2004) - I don't need to talk about Saw, that movie is the reason I'm doing all of this

Ella Enchanted (2004) - he's a bit too over the top tbh

American Crime (2004) - I get the impression that he's the only one who knew this movie is unwatchable so he just went and did... anything. He looks, sounds and behaves like a parody of David Attenborough.

[eighties-o-rama]

Oxford Blues - Robert Boris (1984)

[brookstonalmanac]

Events 2.10

1258 – The Siege of Baghdad ends with the surrender of the last Abbasid caliph to Hulegu Khan, a prince of the Mongol Empire. 1306 – In front of the high altar of Greyfriars Church in Dumfries, Robert the Bruce murders John Comyn, sparking the revolution in the Wars of Scottish Independence. 1355 – The St Scholastica Day riot breaks out in Oxford, England, leaving 63 scholars and perhaps 30 locals dead in two days. 1502 – Vasco da Gama sets sail from Lisbon, Portugal, on his second voyage to India. 1567 – Lord Darnley, second husband of Mary, Queen of Scots, is found strangled following an explosion at the Kirk o' Field house in Edinburgh, Scotland, a suspected assassination. 1712 – Huilliches in Chiloé rebel against Spanish encomenderos. 1763 – French and Indian War: The Treaty of Paris ends the war and France cedes Quebec to Great Britain. 1814 – Napoleonic Wars: The Battle of Champaubert ends in French victory over the Russians and the Prussians. 1840 – Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom marries Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. 1846 – First Anglo-Sikh War: Battle of Sobraon: British defeat Sikhs in the final battle of the war. 1861 – Jefferson Davis is notified by telegraph that he has been chosen as provisional President of the Confederate States of America. 1862 – American Civil War: A Union naval flotilla destroys the bulk of the Confederate Mosquito Fleet in the Battle of Elizabeth City on the Pasquotank River in North Carolina. 1906 – HMS Dreadnought, the first of a revolutionary new breed of battleships, is christened. 1920 – Józef Haller de Hallenburg performs the symbolic wedding of Poland to the sea, celebrating restitution of Polish access to open sea. 1920 – About 75% of the population in Zone I votes to join Denmark in the 1920 Schleswig plebiscites. 1923 – Texas Tech University is founded as Texas Technological College in Lubbock, Texas. 1930 – The Việt Nam Quốc Dân Đảng launches the failed Yên Bái mutiny in hope of overthrowing French protectorate over Vietnam. 1933 – In round 13 of a boxing match at New York City's Madison Square Garden, Primo Carnera knocks out Ernie Schaaf. Schaaf dies four days later. 1936 – Second Italo-Abyssinian War: Italian troops launch the Battle of Amba Aradam against Ethiopian defenders. 1939 – Spanish Civil War: The Nationalists conclude their conquest of Catalonia and seal the border with France. 1940 – The Soviet Union begins mass deportations of Polish citizens from occupied eastern Poland to Siberia. 1943 – World War II: Attempting to completely lift the Siege of Leningrad, the Soviet Red Army engages German troops and Spanish volunteers in the Battle of Krasny Bor. 1947 – The Paris Peace Treaties are signed by Italy, Romania, Hungary, Bulgaria, Finland and the Allies of World War II. 1954 – U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower warns against United States intervention in Vietnam. 1962 – Cold War: Captured American U2 spy-plane pilot Gary Powers is exchanged for captured Soviet spy Rudolf Abel. 1964 – Melbourne–Voyager collision: The aircraft carrier HMAS Melbourne collides with and sinks the destroyer HMAS Voyager off the south coast of New South Wales, Australia, killing 82. 1967 – The 25th Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified. 1972 – Ras Al Khaimah joins the United Arab Emirates, now making up seven emirates. 1984 – Kenyan soldiers kill an estimated 5,000 ethnic Somali Kenyans in the Wagalla massacre. 1989 – Ron Brown is elected chairman of the Democratic National Committee, becoming the first African American to lead a major American political party. 1996 – IBM supercomputer Deep Blue defeats Garry Kasparov in chess for the first time. 2003 – France and Belgium break the NATO procedure of silent approval concerning the timing of protective measures for Turkey in case of a possible war with Iraq. 2009 – The communications satellites Iridium 33 and Kosmos 2251 collide in orbit, destroying both. 2016 – South Korea decides to stop the operation of the Kaesong joint industrial complex with North Korea in response to the launch of Kwangmyŏngsŏng-4.

[cary-elwes]

[philipjohnclapp]

Fandoms I’ll write:

Also, I can write as basically anyone. No limits, but I prefer angst & smut. Leave your suggestions/request please.

JACKASS MASTERLIST

Click Above!! ^^

I Am The Number Four By Pitticus Lore

That Was Then This is Now By S.E. Hinton

The Outsiders By S.E. Hinton

Rumble Fish By S.E. Hinton

Tex By S.E. Hinton

Taming The Star Runner By S.E. Hinton

Hawkes Harbor By S.E. Hinton

Jackass [MTV Show and Movies]

Spree

Action Point

Rosy

Gnarly By Steve-O

Grease

Hairspray

Hamilton

Stranger Things

BoJack Horseman

Cobra Kai

Karate Kid

Erased

Zach Stone is gonna be famous

Devilman Crybaby

My Hero Academia

The Breakfast Club

Young Guns [All Movies]

ST. Elmo’s Fire

Freejack

the War at Home [100% YESS!]

In the Custody of Strangers [PLEASE]

Up the Academy

Teachers [1984]

The Three Wishes of Billy Grier

Wild Things

Drugstore Cowboy

My Bodyguard [1980]

Kiss before Dying

Liar's moon

Youngblood [A fav]

Oxford Blues

The Hotel New Hampshire

Rain Man

Born on the Fourth of July

Dirty Dancing

Ghost [1990]

Road House

Point Break

Red Dawn

Grandview USA

The Hitcher [both]

Secret Admirer [1985]

Haikyuu

The Umbrella Academy

Top Gun

Top Gun Maverick

Jerry Maguire

Just Tom Cruise in general

House MD

Inception

The Cable Guy

House MD

[periodically80s]

[grossaybitch]

I’m going to start blogging about my reading adventures. I’ve never really read any of the classics other than those read in school, which is a decent amount since I’ve taken 4 Humanities courses in college. However, I really want to dedicate myself to these pieces of literature. I’m also a huge fan of the Gilmore Girls, so I’m going to be attempting the Gilmore Girls Reading Challenge, listed below. It contains every book referenced throughout the show, 400+. It contains many classics, along with some more contemporary titles. If I’ve read anything on this list before, I will be rereading it at my own pace (most of the books I’ve read from here were rushed due to deadlines). So far, while working towards this (the last month or so), I’ve read Wurthering Heights, Cinderella (all the Grimm fairytales actually), The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and Of Mice and Men. Not included on this list, but still a classic that I’ve read in the last month, is Treasure Island. I’m also watching the movie adaptation of these books upon completion. Super stoked to log all my progress and thoughts along this rather long upcoming journey.

1984 by George Orwell

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain

Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

All the President’s Men by Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward

The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon

An American Tragedy by Theodore Dreiser

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie

Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

The Archidamian War by Donald Kagan

The Armies of the Night: History as a Novel, the Novel as a History by Norman Mailer

The Art of Fiction by Henry James

The Art of Living by Epictetus

The Art of War by Sun Tzu

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner

Atonement by Ian McEwan

Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy

The Awakening by Kate Chopin

Babe by Dick King-Smith

Backlash: The Undeclared War Against American Women by Susan Faludi

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress by Dai Sijie

Bambi: A Life in the Woods by Felix Salten

Bel Canto by Ann Patchett

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

Beloved by Toni Morrison

Beowulf

The Bhagavad Gita

The Bielski Brothers: The True Story of Three Men Who Defied the Nazis, Built a Village in the Forest, and Saved 1,200 Jews by Peter Duffy

Bitch: In Praise of Difficult Women by Elizabeth Wurtzel

A Bolt from the Blue and Other Essays by Mary McCarthy

Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

Brick Lane by Monica Ali

Brigadoon by Alan Jay Lerner

Candide by Voltaire

The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer

Carrie by Stephen King

Catch-22 by Joseph Heller

The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

The Celebrated Jumping Frog by Mark Twain

Charlotte’s Web by E.B. White

The Children’s Hour by Lillian Hellman

Christine by Stephen King

A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

(X) Cinderella by Brothers Grimm

A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess

The Code of the Woosters by P.G. Wodehouse

The Collected Stories by Eudora Welty

A Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare

The Compact Oxford English Dictionary

The Complete Novels of Dawn Powell

The Complete Poems of Anne Sexton

The Complete Stories of Dorothy Parker

A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain

Consider the Lobster: And Other Essays by David Foster Wallace

Contact by Carl Sagan

The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

Cousin Bette by Honore De Balzac

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Crimson Petal and the White by Michel Faber

The Crucible by Arthur Miller

Cujo by Stephen King

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

Cyrano De Bergerac by Edmond Rostand

Daisy Miller by Henry James

Daughter of Fortune by Isabel Allende

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens

The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

Dead Souls by Nikolai Gogol

Death of a Salesman by Arthur Miller

Deenie by Judy Blume

Demons by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

The Devil in the White City: Murder, Magic, and Madness at the Fair That Changed America by Erik Larson

The Diary of A Young Girl by Anne Frank

The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band by Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars, and Nikki Sixx

The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri

The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood by Rebecca Wells

Don Quixote by Cervantes

Dracula by Bram Stoker

Driving Miss Daisy by Alfred Uhrv

Edgar Allan Poe: Complete Tales & Poems by Edgar Allan Poe

Eleanor Roosevelt by Blanche Wiesen Cook

The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe

Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters by Mark Dunn

Eloise at the Plaza by Kay Thompson

Emily the Strange by Roger Reger

Emma by Jane Austen

Empire Falls by Richard Russo

Encyclopedia Brown: Boy Detective by Donald J. Sobol

Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton

Ethics by Spinoza

Europe through the Back Door: The Travel Skills Handbook by Rick Steves

Eva Luna by Isabel Allende

Everything Is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer

The Executioner’s Song by Norman Mailer

Extravagance by Gary Krist

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

Fahrenheit 9/11 by Michael Moore

The Fall of the Athenian Empire by Donald Kagan

Fat Land: How Americans Became the Fattest People in the World by Greg Critser

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson

The Fellowship of the Ring by J. R. R. Tolkien

Fiddler on the Roof by Joseph Stein

Finnegan’s Wake by James Joyce

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom

Fletch by Gregory McDonald

Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes

Fodor’s Selected Hotels of Europe

The Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem

The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger

Freaky Friday by Mary Rodgers

Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut

Gender Trouble by Judith Butler

George W. Bushism: The Slate Book of the Accidental Wit and Wisdom of Our 43rd President by Jacob Weisberg

Gidget by Fredrick Kohner

A Girl from Yamhill by Beverly Cleary

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen

The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels

The Godfather by Mario Puzo

The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy

Goldilocks and the Three Bears: Bears Should Share! by Alvin Granowsky

Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Goodnight Spoon by Keith Richards

The Good Soldier by Ford Madox Ford

The Gospel According to Jesus Christ by José Saramago

The Graduate by Charles Webb

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

Great Expectations by Charles Dickens

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Group by Mary Mccarthy

Haiku, Volume 2: Spring by R.H. Blyth

Hamlet by William Shakespeare

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone by J.K. Rowling

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

Hell’s Angels: The Strange and Terrible Saga of the Outlaw Motorcycle Gangs by Hunter S. Thompson

Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry

Henry IV, Part I by William Shakespeare

Henry IV, Part II by William Shakespeare

Henry V by William Shakespeare

Henry VI by William Shakespeare

He’s Just Not That into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

High Fidelity by Nick Hornby

The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire by Edward Gibbon

Holidays on Ice: Stories by David Sedaris

The Holy Barbarians by Lawrence Lipton

Horton Hears A Who! by Dr. Seuss

House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III

The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende

Howl and Other Poems by Allen Ginsberg

How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer

How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss

How the Light Gets In by M. J. Hyland

The Hunchback of Notre Dame by Victor Hugo

I Feel Bad about My Neck by Nora Ephron

The Iliad by Homer

I’m with the Band by Pamela Des Barres

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

Indiana by George Sand

The Inferno by Dante Alighieri

Inherit the Wind by Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee

Ironweed by William J. Kennedy

It Takes A Village by Hillary Rodham Clinton

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë

The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan

Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare

The Jungle by Upton Sinclair

Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton

Just a Couple of Days by Tony Vigorito

The Kitchen Boy: A Novel of the Last Tsar by Robert Alexander

Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly by Anthony Bourdain

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Lady Chatterley’s Lover by D. H. Lawrence

The Last Empire: Essays 1992–2000 by Gore Vidal

The Last Lion: Winston Spencer Churchill, Volume I: Visions of Glory, 1874–1932 by William Manchester

The Last Lion: Winston Spencer Churchill, Volume II: Alone, 1932–1940 by William Manchester

The Last Lion: Winston Spencer Churchill, Volume III: Defender of the Realm, 1940–1965 by William Manchester

Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

The Legend of Bagger Vance by Steven Pressfield

Less than Zero by Bret Easton Ellis

Letters of Ayn Rand by Ayn Rand

Letters of Edith Wharton by R. W. B. Lewis

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

The Libation Bearers by Aeschylus

Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them by Al Franken

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo

Life of Pi by Yann Martel

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis

Lisa and David by Dr. Theodore Isaac Rubin, M.D.

Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens

Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder

The Little Locksmith by Katharine Butler Hathaway

The Little Match Girl by Hans Christian Andersen

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Living History by Hillary Rodham Clinton

Lord of the Flies by William Golding

The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien

The Lottery: And Other Stories by Shirley Jackson

The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

Love Story by Erich Segal

Macbeth by William Shakespeare

Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

The Manticore by Robertson Davies

Marathon Man by William Goldman

The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov

The Meaning of Consuelo by Judith Ortiz Cofer

Memoirs of A Dutiful Daughter by Simone De Beauvoir

The Memoirs of General William T. Sherman by William Tecumseh Sherman

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray

Mencken’s Chrestomathy by H.L. Mencken

The Merry Wives of Windsor by William Shakespeare

Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris

The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides

A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare

The Miracle Worker by William Gibson

Misery by Stephen King

Mistress of Mellyn by Victoria Holt

Moby Dick by Herman Melville

The Mojo Collection: The Greatest Albums of All Time by Jim Irvin

Moliere: A Biography by Hobart Chatfield Taylor

Molloy by Samuel Beckett

A Monetary History of the United States by Milton Friedman

Monsieur Proust by Celeste Albaret

A Month of Sundays: Searching for the Spirit and My Sister by Julie Mars

Motley Crue by Seamus Craic

The Mourning Bride by William Congreve

A Movable Feast by Ernest Hemingway

Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf

Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall

My Lai 4: A Report on the Massacre and Its Aftermath by Seymour M. Hersh

My Life as Author and Editor by H.L. Mencken

My Life in Orange: Growing up with the Guru by Tim Guest

Myra Waldo’s Travel and Motoring Guide to Europe by Myra Waldo

My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult

My Struggle by Karl Ove Knausgaard

The Naked and the Dead by Norman Mailer

Naked Lunch by William S. Burroughs

The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco

The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri

Nancy Drew and the Witch Tree Symbol by Carolyn Keene

The Nanny Diaries by Emma Mclaughlin

Nervous System: Or, Losing My Mind in Literature by Jan Lars Jensen

New Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson

The New Way Things Work by David Macaulay

Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting by in America by Barbara Ehrenreich

Nicholas Nickleby by Charles Dickens

Night by Elie Wiesel

Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen

The Norton Anthology of Theory and Criticism edited by Jeffrey J. Williams, et al.

Notes of A Dirty Old Man by Charles Bukowski

Novels, 1930–1942: Dance Night/Come Back to Sorrento, Turn, Magic Wheel/Angels on Toast/A Time to Be Born by Dawn Powell

Oedipus Rex by Sophicles

(X) Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck

Old School by Tobias Wolff

Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

On the Road by Jack Kerouac

The Opposite of Fate: Memories of A Writing Life by Amy Tan

Oracle Night by Paul Auster

Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood

Othello by William Shakespeare

Our Mutual Friend by Charles Dickens

The Outbreak of the Peloponnesian War by Donald Kagan

Out of Africa by Isak Dineson

The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton

A Passage to India by E.M. Forster

The Peace of Nicias and the Sicilian Expedition by Donald Kagan

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

Peyton Place by Grace Metalious

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

Pigs at the Trough by Arianna Huffington

Pinocchio by Carlo Collodi

Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk by Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain

The Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby

The Portable Dorothy Parker by Dorothy Parker

The Portable Nietzsche by Fredrich Nietzsche

The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O’Neill by Ron Suskind

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen

Primary Colors by Joe Klein

Property by Valerie Martin

The Pump House Gang by Tom Wolfe

The Pursuit of Love & Love in a Cold Climate: Two Novels by Nancy Mitford

Pushkin: A Biography by T.J. Binyon

Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw

Quattrocento by James Mckean

A Quiet Storm by Rachel Howzell Hall

Rapunzel by Brothers Grimm

“The Raven” by Edgar Allan Poe

The Razor’s Edge by W. Somerset Maugham

Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi

Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier

Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm by Kate Douglas Wiggin

The Red Badge of Courage by Stephen Crane

The Red Tent by Anita Diamant

Rescuing Patty Hearst: Memories from a Decade Gone Mad by Virginia Holman

The Return of the King by J.R.R. Tolkien

Revolution from Within: A Book of Self-Esteem by Gloria Steinem

Richard III by William Shakespeare

R Is for Ricochet by Sue Grafton

Rita Hayworth by Stephen King

Robert’s Rules of Order by Henry Robert

Roman Fever by Edith Wharton

Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare

A Room of One’s Own by Virginia Woolf

A Room with a View by E.M. Forster

Rosemary’s Baby by Ira Levin

The Rough Guide to Europe

Sacred Time by Ursula Hegi

Sanctuary by William Faulkner

The Satanic Verses by Salman Rushdie

Savage Beauty: The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford

The Scarecrow of Oz by Frank L. Baum

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

Seabiscuit: An American Legend by Laura Hillenbrand

The Second Sex by Simone De Beauvoir

The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd

Secrets of the Flesh: A Life of Colette by Judith Thurman

Selected Letters of Dawn Powell: 1913–1965 by Dawn Powell

Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

A Separate Peace by John Knowles

Sexus by Henry Miller

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruíz Zafon

Shane by Jack Shaefer

The Shining by Stephen King

Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

S Is for Silence by Sue Grafton

Slaughterhouse-Five by Kurt Vonnegut

Small Island by Andrea Levy

Snows of Kilimanjaro by Ernest Hemingway

Snow White and Rose Red by Brothers Grimm

Social Origins of Dictatorship and Democracy: Lord and Peasant in the Making of the Modern World by Barrington Moore

Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury

Songbook by Nick Hornby

A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin

The Song of Names by Norman Lebrecht

The Song Reader by Lisa Tucker

Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of Julia De Burgos by Julia De Burgos

“Sonnet 43” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

The Sonnets by William Shakespeare

Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Sophie’s Choice by William Styron

The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner

Speak, Memory by Vladimir Nabokov

The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin

Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach

The Story of My Life by Helen Keller

(X) The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson

A Streetcar Named Desire by Tennessee Williams

Stuart Little by E.B. White

Summer of Fear by T. Jefferson Parker

The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

Swann’s Way by Marcel Proust

Swimming with Giants: My Encounters with Whales, Dolphins and Seals by Anne Collett

Sybil by Flora Rheta Schreiber

A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

The Tell-Tale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe

Tender Is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Terms of Endearment by Larry McMurtry

Tevya the Dairyman and the Railroad Stories by Sholem Aleichem

They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? by Horace McCoy

The Thin Man by Dashiell Hammett

Time and Again by Jack Finney

The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith

The Trial by Franz Kafka

The True and Outstanding Adventures of the Hunt Sisters by Elisabeth Robinson

Truth & Beauty: A Friendship by Ann Patchett

Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom

Ulysses by James Joyce

The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath by Sylvia Plath

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera

Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

Unless by Carol Shields

Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann

The Vanishing Newspaper by Philip Meyers

Vanity Fair by William Makepeace Thackeray

Velvet Underground’s the Velvet Underground and Nico (33 1/3 Book 11) by Joe Harvard

The Virgin Suicides by Jeffrey Eugenides

Visions of Cody by Jack Kerouac

Waiting for Godot by Samuel Beckett

Walden by Henry David Thoreau

War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

We Owe You Nothing: Punk Planet: The Collected Interviews by Daniel Sinker

What Color Is Your Parachute? by Richard Nelson Bolles

What Happened to Baby Jane? by Henry Farrell

When the Emperor Was Divine by Julie Otsuka

Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? by Edward Albee

Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West by Gregory Maguire

Wild by Cheryl Strayed

The Witches of Eastwick by John Updike

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum

(X) Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë

The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

Yoga for Dummies by Georg Feuerstein and Larry Payne

[lucky-catttt]

Maxwell Lord’s Aphrodite - Pt 2

Summary: When Maxwell Lord’s world comes crashing down, you, his personal assistant bring him back from the pits of despair.

Pairings: Maxwell Lord x Reader (female), Maxwell Lord x You

Rating: Mature 18+ ONLY, NO MINORS ALLOWED TO READ.

Word Count: 3,885

Warnings: Prepare to put a towel down or go touch some grass after, either or LOL Mention of genitals, oral sex, squirting, face fucking, choking, names, foreplay, degradation, aftercare, BDSM, sexism/sexual harrassment.

A/N: This is my first fan-fic, so the writing might not be fantastic, but if you have any pointers/advice please tell me! I’ve also added images and gifs to help readers imagine the scenarios and reactions!

“So what kind of proposal were we thinking of that would save Black Gold corporation?” Max quizzes, leaning back against his chair. You pause to think while finishing your pastry. “Well” you begin “This space is huge, around 4,300 square feet. The lease Black Gold is renting this office floor has no major restrictions on it, so you could potentially sub-let the space on the floor for a monthly or fixed term lease to people who work remotely or teams that don’t want to commit to a larger office space. It's becoming more common because of the GFC, people can't commit to large long term leases for whole office floors anymore. You could also rent out the boardroom by the hour & also lease the private manager offices to businesses that want their own private room. And we already have a reception near the lifts, just re-hire them and make them pretend they work for all the businesses on the floor, answering their calls, doing admin work like scanning and faxing etc. As far as the business’s clients that show up are concerned, each business looks like they own the whole floor.

If we do a cost analysis and then get a small investor to cover the startup costs, we could guarantee them a return if businesses pay contract deposits or pay their lease in advance up front. Plus the landlord we owe money to. And with the top floor with amazing views and location, we can charge top dollar” Max stares at you in disbelief. “Wow, are you sure you don’t wanna be CEO?” He laughs, still in shock. You laugh, blushing. “I started working on a business proposal for one of my university assessments, if we customise it for this project we could pitch it to some investors and banks and speak to the landlord about it as well” You reply. “I could kiss you right now.” Maxwell sighs, gripping his fist. “Please do” you giggle, leaning towards him. Max reaches out both hands to cup your face, before planting a passionate kiss on your lips. “Well, I guess we have a lot of work to do!” Max yells, before striding towards the bathroom to take a shower. Two weeks go by and the proposal is ready. Max calls you from the company car, on the way to your house to pick you up before the big investors meeting. “I’ll be right outside your place in a few minutes my sweet” He coos, beaming with excitement to see you. As his car pulls up, you collect your compendium, presentation cards and your pointer rod. Struggling with all you have to carry, Alfred rushes out of the car and up the steps to the front door, collecting all of your belongings. 

Maxwell peers over the top of his shades but the sun from behind your house blinds him. He shuffles across the seat and opens the car door, the sun now hiding from his view. As he removes his shades and looks up the stairs towards your front door, he sees you standing there, fixing your outfit. He’s stunned. 

It might be 1984, but you’re wearing a stunning outfit pulled straight from the 50s. A black suit dress with a pleat in the front with a thin gold belt around your waist. You accented the look with strap Mary jane heels, a black and gold handbag and a neat beret fascinator. Your hair was curled, accentuated with bright red lipstick and a single set of pearl earrings.

Max looks like he’s about to drop to his knees in awe, but his knees bend into a lengthy stride up the stairs, rushing to your side. “A heavenly vision of beauty'' Max gasps, giving you a kiss on the cheek in an attempt to preserve your makeup. He puts out his arm and you wrap your hands around it, as he leads you down your stairs to the car, staring at you the whole time, letting the universe guide his steps as this absolute goddess graces his presence. You both slide into the back seat of Max’s company car, his large hand immediately passing along your back and resting on your hip and ass, pulling you as close to him as possible. “I dont know how this presentation is going to go, but I can be absolutely certain that myself and every other person in that room will be enraptured by your presence”. he murmurs into your neck, squeezing your ass.

Max was wearing a pinstripe royal blue suit with black laced oxfords. His matching tie and pocket square peeking out. “I would kiss you right now but i don't want to get lipstick on your face just before our meeting” you blush, rubbing your nose against his. “I know. We have all the time in the world after” Max replies, running his nose down your neck, breathing gently against your skin.

 “We should probably prepare for the meeting, Max” you chuckle, seeing the office building not far up the road. You pull out your compendium and flip to an architectural blueprint of the office floor. 

“I had this drawn up by an architectural drafter last week. As you can see the large blank space is your office and private room, you already have the glass frosted for privacy. All the other office cubicles will be converted to private offices, as well as boardrooms, co-working areas and remote working hot spots.” Max’s eyes widen with surprise at the level of detail. “How did you get this done? I certainly don't remember commissioning this'' rubbing his chin. “I paid for it” you respond, nonchalantly. “You spent your money, for me?” Max inquires, now in disbelief. “Of course. I told you I would help you, Max. Consider it an investment”. You wink, flipping through more pages of the presentation. Just when Max thought he couldn't fall more in love with you than he already has, your hard work and giving nature makes his heart swell even larger to make room. After a few minutes the car pulls up to the investor’s office building. “Before we go in there, I want to ask you something.” Your eyes widen with intrigue. “While we're there, I’m not sure how these businessmen will react to a woman being anything more than my personal assistant. I’m not intimidated by you at all, but I suspect some of them might be” He continues, his eyes falling to your lap as he holds your hands. “Max, this project is my dream, but it’s your company, so i’m giving it to you to present. You’re the only person I trust with this”. 

As Maxwell begins to get himself together, you take a seat adjacent to where Max is standing. Although your knees are together with one ankle behind the other, you can feel some of the businessmen closest to you looking you up and down like a piece of meat. You quickly turn to face Max, giving him your undivided attention. “Well, I know you’re all very busy, so lets get started” Max smiles, wringing his palms together. The businessmen listen intently to Max’s pitch for the restructure of Black Gold corporation, before they begin to ask questions on financials. You begin to notice the men losing interest and Max starting to lose his confidence. He looks at you, his expression half pleading and half embarrassed. Without any hesitation, you stand up from your chair, striding over to Max’s side, picking up the pointing rod from the easel and pulling it to full length with one swift pull. 

The men all sit upright at attention from the sound of the rod. “If I may, Maxwell” you butt in, politely. “Gentleman” You steady the pointer rod against the chart on the easel “the profit figures on the project are as follows; 36 external view offices, charged at $3,000 per month each, generating $108,000 gross profit. The 25 internal offices with no view will be $500 per month, generating $12,500. We also have hot-desks with memberships starting at $20 per month. If companies want us to answer their phones, do their mail, bring them coffee, do their shopping, take their dry-cleaning, walk their dogs or bring them lunch, that's an additional fee. Essentially, we are looking at a monthly profit turnover of $150,000+. Our current lease fee is $50,000 a month with about $15,000 in body corporate and utilities, leaving $85,000 per month net profit, $225 thousand per quarter and over a million annually. We currently are looking for a combined setup cost of around $500,000. The more you invest, the bigger your return.” You swing the pointer road and rest it on your shoulder. 

Silence fills the room and you panic. Your assertiveness may have turned them off, so you pretend to be ditzy and dip one of your feet inwards. The men who are all sitting up at attention, look between each other and nod. Your charm and business acumen seemed to have put them under some kind of spell. “Thanks for your time gentleman. If you have any questions please feel free to call” you finish, walking around to hand each of them Max’s business card. The men begin to chat amongst themselves, before one of them approaches Maxwell. They introduce themselves and begin chatting about the pitch “You should be very proud of your assistant Maxwell” they chuckle “she seems very switched on and driven”. Max shoots you a smiling glance, before turning back “Yeah, I’m actually going to make her the CFO” he responds. “Well, we’ll deliberate here and be back in touch with our offer”. The meeting finally wraps up and you both head back downstairs where Alfred is waiting with the car door already open. You both slide inside and Max wraps his arms around you before passionately kissing your lips as the car drives back to his office.

“You want to make me the.. CFO?” you pant, breaking from the kiss. “Yes” Max smiles, staring into your eyes. “You have worked so hard and today at the presentation..I know you’re the woman for the job. Do you want it?” You blush, holding his face “Well how can I say no?”. The company car finally pulls up back at the office and you both head through the lobby and into the lift. Max stands behind you with his arms wrapped around you and his head on your shoulder, talking about the enormous amount of work that will potentially need to be done if this deal goes through. As the lift doors open into the reception area, you both step out and Max hears the phone in his office start to ring. You give him an excited smile, encouraging him to go take the call in private. He begins striding through the empty office before making it to his office, pushing the doors open and heading over to his desk.

You take your time walking back to his office, giving Max time to finish his phone call. As you approach his office doors, you hear the click of the receiver as he hangs up. You watch Max’s shadow behind the frosted glass walk up to the doors and swing them open, a neutral look on his face. You look puzzled, thinking it was bad news before he burst out laughing with a smile, swinging you over his shoulder and carrying you to his bedroom. “You did it baby!” He yells, slapping your backside before throwing you both down onto the bed. “We did!?” you scream, a wave of relief and excitement washing over you. “Yes! I’m so proud of you. You saved Black Gold corporation. You saved me.” Max smiles, brushing a lock of curls away from your face before cupping your cheek and passionately kissing you. 

You kick off your shoes, belt and take off your beret fascinator as Max removes his suit jacket, suspenders and belt, before kissing each other again. “I was so turned on by you today” Max moans, writhing his hands all over your body, before ripping the bust of your dress open, the two buttons pinging off onto the carpet. “Watching your voluptuous ass in that dress walking into that boardroom and how you commanded the room’s attention, took control and sealed the deal. I wanted to put you over that boardroom table and worship you like the goddess you are. But I guess I can do that now”. Something about wearing your favourite suit of his, the unwavering progressive support of women and eagerness to pleasure you unlocks your most ravenous sexual desires. You stop Max, sitting up at the foot of the bed. He gets up from laying down and looks at you, worried he said or did something wrong. “Whats wrong my love?” he asks, looking concerned. ****MAJOR SMUT WARNING AHEAD**** “Max… you’ve shown me the romantic love making version which was so beautiful, but I want to make you feel worshipped” Max gives you an interesting glance. “You’re such a giving person but I want to give back. You’ve suffered neglect and mistreatment most of your life. I want to give you a different kind of passionate sex. I have fantasies and wild ideas that I think will give you immense pleasure. I want you to….” You stop yourself, not sure how he will react. Max's eyes widened with intrigue. “Go on?” Max squeezes your hand. “Well” you begin. The passionate fire is burning hotter and hotter within you. “I want you…” you hitch up your skirt and sit across Max’s lap, with one leg over each side “to straddle my chest and fuck my throat while I rub my clit” you get closer to Max’s face, pulling on his tie “And I want to cum while you’re throat fucking and choking me with your cock” you begin to undo his tie “And then I want you to cum in the back of my throat and make me swallow it”. There’s dead silence, so you bat your eyelash extensions, throwing a sexy yet innocent gaze followed by “hmmm?”. Max’s mind goes completely blank, the blood rushing from every inch of his body straight to his cock, which you feel hardened against your crotch as you straddle him. “Uhh wow honey that sounds very dangerous.” Max chokes, embarrassed he's getting turned on at the idea of hurting you. 

“For you or me?” You giggle, biting your lip. “For you” Max says, wrapping his arms around you. “Are you sure that’s something you want me to do to you Hermosa?”. “Yes Maxwell. I love the way you worship and pleasure me, but I want you to feel the same way. I have a kink when it comes to being dominated. Seeing my man so turned on and using his strength and body to please himself using me, makes me feel incredible. I know you would never hurt me, it’s something I would love for you to experience” You answer before kissing his neck. “You really are too good to me, princessa” Max sighs, running his hands down your back to your ass, squeezing both cheeks. “Of course, we don’t have to if you don’t want to, Max” you give him a reassuring look, worried you might have overstepped. “No baby, I’d love to, if that’s what will bring you the most pleasure” He coos, kissing your neck.

You begin to take off your dress, revealing under a black and gold laced lingerie set. “Black and Gold” you chuckle, watching Max’s eyes widen at the level of detail. “How did I get so lucky?” Max pants, pulling off his shirt and pants, leaving his boxers to contain his rock hard cock. You go to reach for Max’s crotch when his hand stops you. “Before we do this” Max begins “I want you to stop me at any time if it hurts or you can’t breathe or you just don’t want to do it anymore. That is the most important thing to me”. You nod and smile at Max, leaning in to kiss him, before your hands start to remove his boxers.

You reach down and begin to tease his cock, tracing your fingers tips against the tip. With your other hand you guide Max’s hand down, placing it at the top of your panties. As he starts to put his hands under your panties, he notices there’s a hole in them. Max stops to inspect. “Crotchless panties? Me vuelves loco” Max pants before he begin kissing and biting all over your body.

You’re in for it now. Like a virus, you’ve taken over Max’s brain, flooding it with animalistic desire and passion. A switch has been flipped and hell bent on blowing your mind, leaving all of his inhibitions and reservations about what he’s about to do to you at the door. Max climbs on top of you, wrapping his large hand around your throat, gently squeezing as you gasp for air. “Is this what you want?” He growls into your ear, nibbling on your earlobe before kissing down your neck. You manage to nod before moaning, indicating that you’re enjoying it. He’s never treated a woman like this before, but he manages to find the personality and words seemingly from thin air, like it was repressed all this time. “Start touching yourself for me now” Max commands. You slide your hand down into your panties and start rubbing your clit, sparks flying through your body and the slick now leaking out of your pussy. He groans at the sight of you touching yourself. Max moves up the bed before straddling over your chest. With your head propped up on some pillows, you look in Max’s eyes and ready your mouth and jaw for his throbbing cock. Max thumbs your bottom lip before grabbing just under your jaw to keep your face steady. “Open wide like the good little whore that you are” he hisses, smacking the tip of his precum soaked cock on your face.

The degrading name only makes you wetter, as you furiously rub your clitoris whilst pinned under Max’s legs. You moan as Max pushes his cock into your mouth and down your throat. “Oh my god my love your mouth feels incredible” Max moans, his character from before severely altered by the pleasurable sensation. He realises his mistake and compensates by pushing his cock as far as it will fit into your mouth and throat. “That’s it, take it all” he smirks, exhaling with a moan. You use two fingers to scoop up some of your slick and rub it into your clitoris, which is now super sensitive. Your stifled moans humming against Max’s veiny cock cause it to twitch. With your hips bucking from pleasuring yourself, Max takes both of his hands and puts them on your cheeks. “Fuck your mouth feels so good” Max moans, slowly thrusting back and forth out of your mouth, his cock touching your uvula and causing you to gag with each stroke. Your eyes begin to roll back in your skull as you continue to moan & choke, your swollen clitoris edging closer and closer to orgasm. “You like this huh? You like it when Daddy fills your throat up and fucks it?” Max hisses, wrapping your hair in between his fingers, gripping hard as his thrusts gain more momentum. Thick strings of spit is now spilling out of your mouth, down your chin and onto your breasts. “You look

The taste of Max’s precum coating the back of your tongue. You’re fighting to contain your orgasm but Max’s cock and brutal punishing words are sending you dangerously close to the edge. “Mmmmm, mmmmm!” You choke, tears welling in your eyes as you’re trying to nod and send Max a pleasured innocent gaze, driving him wild. You concentrate on breathing through your nose, each time Max’s cock leaves the back of your throat for a split second, giving you enough time to take in air. You decide to start moving your flattened tongue against the shaft, rubbing against the tip as it passes back and forth. Max let’s out a groan “You’re such a good little putá for papá”. There’s no holding back now, you increase your moans to signal that you’re on the precipice of an orgasm. “Cum for me” Max hisses, continuing the ecstasy inducing tempo of thrusts into your mouth and throat. You continue to rub your clit and gesture for Max to keep his cock still inside your mouth and throat for this moment, riding the crashing wave of your orgasm, squirting furiously onto your legs and sheets below. The writhing and shaking of your body underneath him, the sound of your squirting and muffled cries and moans from behind his cock is too much and brings him closer much faster than he ever anticipated. The eye-watering sensation causes the tears to flow down your cheeks, causing your mascara to run.

As your orgasm begins to subside you gesture for Max to continue thrusting, which he does as he moves his large hands to cup your face. “That felt fucking amazing” Max moans, continuing his fast and hard strokes. Your gaze, burning with passion and framed within smudged running eyeliner locks with Max’s, his domineering yet still showing affection. “I’m gonna cum” Max pants, keeping the pace as his grip on your face grows tighter. “Fuckkkk!!!” He shouts, holding your head still as he holds one final thrust as far in as it will go. Your eyes roll back into your head again as you feel the warm thick ropes of cum spurt onto the back of your throat. It was lucky you had taken a large enough breath before that moment, enough to sustain you for the few seconds Max held his cock still inside your mouth, throbbing and pulsing as he moans and shudders, cursing in Spanish. Coming back to reality, Max immediately pulls his softening cock from your mouth and wraps his large hands on the top and bottom of your face, closing your jaw shut. “Now Swallow” he commands, bending down so that his face inches from yours. With a cheeky gaze you oblige and swallow the remains of his cum tangled in your throat, before opening your jaw to allow him to inspect if there was any left. “My good little leche putá” he whispers, before spitting in your wide open mouth.

As if like breaking character on a movie set, Max immediately reverts back to his original self, climbing off to the side to lay next to you. “Was that good for you my love? How do you feel?” Max asks, worried he’s harmed your physical and mental state. “Incredible” you pant, smiling, lying in a pool of your own squirt. Breathing a sigh of relief, Max quickly brings up the blankets to cover you both, embracing you and peppering your spit, mascara and tear soaked face with kisses. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Max quizzes, checking your chest and throat over. “No” you reply, your throat somewhat hoarse. “Okay good. I love you so much” Max sighs, brushing your hair out of your face and kissing your forehead. “I love you too, Max”.

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I got impatient and wanted to post it now so I guess this chapter is finished 💀

@anaaaispunk @mandoalorian @pintsizemama

[trivialbob]

A sad day

Today I threw away my favorite jeans. These jeans must be 20 years old. I always loved the look and feel of that waistband. The jeans had fit like they had been tailor-made for me. The blue cloth had gotten super soft faded to nearly white. I loved how they looked.

Today the crotch ripped. The fabric had been getting thin, so it was no surprise. Sadly, these jeans won’t get a one-way trip somewhere like my other old clothes.

When I worked in an office five days a week I dressed better. Lands’ End was my go-to store for sweaters, dress shirts, slacks, and neckties. Their no-iron Oxford and Pinpoint button-down shirts are the best.

The first I heard of Lands’ End was in 1984. There was a store on State Street in Madison, near my campus. It had overstocks and “Not Quite Perfect” items. Based on the color of the tag you’d save 25%, 50%, or 75% off the retail price. Blemishes were nearly impossible to see. The savings were fantastic.

Besides work clothes from Lands’ End I bought jeans, rugby shirts, and even luggage. Well, I lost interest in rugby shirts. Jeans took forever to wear out. Also, Lands’ End had a streak where they had some really weird colors. Chrome? (It was orange.) I gradually lost interest in Lands’ End. The steady flow of catalogs trickled off. LL Bean is more casual and became my preferred brand. Bean also has Oxford shirts I really like.

Today there’s a Lands’ End Inlet (not Outlet) not far from me. I’ve been there, but not lately. My office went to casual M-Tu-W-Th-F. Then I started working from home more and more.

Dressing casual is nice. It’s comfortable. I’ve saved a ton of money by not needing to get dressier clothes. Wearing a robe, pajama pants, or shorts at work sure saves wear and tear. I can’t remember the last time I brought something to a dry cleaners. I’m careful in my suit at weddings! Also, I can’t remember the last time I went to a wedding.

Sometimes I miss dressing better. So I just bought a new sweater for the first time in years. I think I’m going to buy some new khakis and a fresh Oxford button-down. I like the university stripe pattern.