#owen sharing about his cancer with judd

[littleblackraincloudofcourse]

I think what got me about Lone Star over the og is that with the 118 it took time and multiple shared traumas (and joy) to make them into a family but the 126 came pre traumatized (mostly just for existing as who they are) and said we're family and we share, this is our trauma now

[duckielover151]

Some Thoughts on 911 Lone Star (Episode One)

I'm not planning to write up something for every single episode... just the ones that I feel really leave me with something to say. But definitely, to kick this rewatch off...

This is the type of show that smacks you in the face with its diversity agenda by the time the first episode is half over. And it's great. It just got me thinking how-- after Buck being announced as bi in the original 911 went viral, I saw people who were otherwise unfamiliar with these series starting to refer it as the 'gay firefighter show.'

Maybe this first episode blurb is more me trying to sell it to new fans than anything else, but honestly: both 911s were always 'gay firefighter' shows. If you're looking for a new series that's heavy on the diversity, look no further.

Just... to give you a little bit of a run-down on this spin-off's premise and these characters:

We open in New York City with Captain Owen Strand being approached by the fire chief from Austin, Texas about relocating there to help rebuild and repopulate a firehouse that recently lost all but one of its members in an accident on a call. Specifically, they're looking to diversify the force. They kind of skirt around coming right out and saying they got into legal trouble for not being inclusive enough but... you get the picture. Owen, fairly tactfully, points out that they're not exactly off to the best start, going to a straight white guy for the job, but they want him to lead this effort for one big reason: Owen once had to rebuild his own firehouse from scratch, after he lost his entire crew during 9/11. Something that has longer-reaching effects for him, as he's recently been diagnosed with cancer.

This opening episode does kind of give him a white savior type of vibe but... I didn't think it was too obnoxious. This time around, I have 4 seasons' worth of hindsight to be able to share that there is quite a bit more to his character: Owen's a good leader. But on a personal level, he can be almost childishly competitive and stubborn to the point of self-destruction. He is occasionally frustrating to watch... but generally a really likable character. As for the rest of the team:

TK Strand, Owen's gay, recovering addict son, Marjan, a Muslim woman, Paul, a black trans man, Mateo, a dyslexic Mexican American and Judd, who was the sole survivor from the accident and is dealing with PTSD at least in this first season.

And it doesn't stop there, but I think the point has been made for an initial rundown.

I think it's important to note that-- while a pretty big deal is made of their differences in this first episode-- literally being part of the premise of the pilot-- none of these characters feel diverse in a token sort of way. They've all got strong personalities and character quirks... Even when those differences are the focus of one of their plot points, who they are always takes precedence over what they are.

I actually went and rewatched this one first... so I haven't seen the pilot for the original 911 in several years, but I remember that one getting off to kind of a rough start. I love them both but I definitely feel like Lone Star is stronger from the beginning. It started, like, 3 seasons into the original's run, so the showrunners had some time to test out what worked, get a feel for the writing, etc. (I actually totally forgot that the Tarlos romance started right in with episode one. I saw Carlos eyeing up TK after the car accident call and then later in the bar... I feel like maybe the fandom has rewritten my memory a bit, because I definitely remembered TK being the bolder one.)

Anyway, I've fallen deep down this hole and am really looking forward to reliving it.

[callmebrycelee]

9-1-1: LONE STAR REACTION

This reaction is for the season 4, eleventh episode "Double Trouble" which originally aired April 4, 2023. The episode was written by Jamie Kessler and directed by Bradley Buecker. Spoilers ahead!

***LAST TIME ON 9-1-1: LONE STAR***

The future of Tommy, Nancy, and TK's jobs are on the line when Pearce Risher (Andy Favreau) makes his return to the show. Tommy's old nemesis is now working for Paragon, a private paramedic service that prioritizes profits over patients. When Paragon's cutting corners results in the near-death of Pearce and a patient, Tommy and her crew step in to save the day. Meanwhile, the 126 hosts a Stand Up to Cancer event at the firehouse. Owen hooks up with a very wealthy donor and receives a generous donation for his services. Or so he believes. 

Now that we're all caught up, let's discuss episode eleven - DOUBLE TROUBLE.

We begin the episode over at the Ryders'. Wyatt (Jackson Pace) is back and he is here to drop some major bombshells. He's brought his girlfriend, Leigh Ann (Jessi Case) to meet his dad and stepmom. Fun fact: Jessi Case and Julian Work, who plays Mateo, starred in an installment of the Hulu horror anthology series Into the Dark. Another thing I like to point out is I love Judd's good-natured teasing of Wyatt. I love how Judd has truly embraced being Wyatt's father and it's proof that it's never too late to have a relationship with someone as long as you're willing to put in the work.

Anywho, Grace asks to hear the story of how the two lovebirds met and we learn that Wyatt being sexiled (love that word) by his roommate resulted in him meeting Leigh Ann in the common room of his dorm. Leigh Ann says that she is an early education major and Wyatt points out that she has a 4.0 GPA. When Judd asks about his GPA, Wyatt drops his first bomb and says that he has dropped out of school. Judd is furious and Grace tries to calm him down. She reminds Wyatt that if his course load causing him to have second thoughts about school that he can just drop some of his classes. Wyatt assures her that it's not that; he says he doesn't need a degree for his new aspiration.- being a firefighter. He asks Judd if he would call the chief to put in a good word for him. Judd is clearly rattled by Wyatt's revelation and asks him what the real motivation is for wanting to become a first responder. We get bombshell #2 when Wyatt announces that he and Leigh Ann are having a baby! Lawd, have mercy! I was not expecting this. Not at all! Poor Judd! Just last season he learned he already had a kid, or rather another kid (can't forget baby Charley) and now he's discovering he's going to be a grandfather. Wowser!

Cue title card!

Marjan interrupts a game of Catan at the firehouse to share the chore list she created for her teammates. She is still on light duty after being shot a few episodes ago and much like Evan (Buck) Buckley (Oliver Stark), she is letting her new role go to her head a bit. Mateo gets a FaceTime call from his troublemaking cousin in LA. The last time we saw Marvin Chavez was during the earthquake episode of the OG series. Mateo introduces Marvin to the crew and they all think he's playing a practical joke on them since he and his cousin are practically identical a la The Patty Duke Show.

Paul: "Is that a real whole another person?" Mateo: "Yeah, this is my cousin from Cali, Marvin." TK: "That's your twin?" Mateo: "No, not twin. Identical cousin." Marjan: "That is not a real thing."

Mateo introduces Marvin to Nancy which I thought was super adorable. Marvin asks if he can speak to Mateo privately. Marvin informs him that he's currently incarcerated for grand theft auto, leaving the scene of an accident, and evading arrests and he needs bail money. When Mateo asks how much, Marvin tells him $25,000. Mateo tells him he doesn't have that kind of money but Marvin guilt-trips him. Mateo says he'll see what he can do. 

We next see an older woman named Marge Mooney (Gigi Bermingham) working in her backyard. Two brothers - Sampson (Aidan McGraw) and Tanner (Liam Risinger) are playing in their yard next door when they accidentally toss a baseball into Marge's yard, decapitating one of her creepy gnome figurines. The two boys apologize for the ball ending up in her yard and ask for it back. Marge refuses to give it back and Tanner calls her 'Mean Marge'. The two brothers climb up into their treehouse and they see Marge's stash of balls that she's collected from all the neighborhood children who have accidentally tossed them into her yard. Sampson and Tanner lament that it was their last ball in a moment very reminiscent of one of my all-time favorite movies - The Sandlot. Sampson says he has something better than a ball. He gets his dad's hunting bow and aims an arrow to hit one of Ms. Mooney's yard gnomes. At the last moment he is distracted by his dad and misfires the arrow. Cue 9-1-1 call.

Tommy, Nancy, and TK arrive on the scene where Carlos is already mediating between Marge and the boys' father, Zach (Mickey Casab). We see that Marge has an arrow going through the middle of her neck but surprisingly there's very little blood. Tommy does her assessment and asks Marge when she's last seen a doctor. Ms. Mooney says she doesn't do doctors. Tommy tells her there's a large lump in her neck, possibly cancerous, that prevented the arrow from hitting her carotid artery. Marge asks if she's going to die. Tommy tells her she needs to get it checked out and reminds her that the two boys' mischief has possibly saved her life. As Marge is being transported, she has a change of heart. She apologizes to Sampson and Tanner and asks Carlos to go into her backyard, open the large bin and return the boys' their belongings. She also asks that the next time the boys hit something in her yard to come over for a glass of juice. Sampson tells her that they can do that. What a sweet ending to a really horrific accident. 

Back at the station, Mateo goes to talk to Owen who is listening to Winston Churchill's "Finest Hour" speech as inspiration for the toast he will deliver at TK and Carlos' wedding. Mateo asks Owen if he can borrow $25,000 for Marvin's bail. Owen asks him what Marvin did and Mateo says that he "borrowed a Ferrari" ... again. Owen asks if Marvin asks Mateo for money a lot and we learn that Mateo's already bailed his cousin out at least five times. Yikes! Owen has such a good dad moment when he asks if Mateo's ever considered the reason Marvin is a repeat offender is because he has a safety net. Mateo tells Owen that he owes Marvin and his aunt and uncle for taking him in when he came to the United States from Mexico. He says that Marvin has always looked out for him. Owen tells him there's a difference between looking out for someone and enabling bad behavior. Owen would know since he's the parent of an addict. I love that he says 'addict' and not 'former addict' because no matter how long TK maintains his sobriety, being an addict is a chronic illness. Owen doesn't give Mateo the money because he says it wouldn't do him or Marvin any favors. Marvin Chavez needs to learn his lesson this time. Great advice, Captain Strand! 

Over in the workout area, Judd is going to town on a punching bag. Tommy joins him and asks if everything is okay at home. Judd says it's been better. Tommy says that having a toddler at home can be very stressful. Judd tells her that it's not Charley - it's his 19 year old toddler, Wyatt. He tells Tommy that Wyatt's got his girlfriend 'knocked up'. P.S. - I really hate this euphemism for a woman getting pregnant because it sounds super violent and sort of dehumanizing. Can we please retire the phrase? Anywho, Tommy is such a good friend in this scene. While Judd vents about Wyatt quitting school and thus ruining his life, she listens and doesn't pass judgment. Tommy tells him that Wyatt wanting to become a firefighter isn't at all surprising considering how much he idolizes his dad. She reminds Judd that he's a great role model but Judd doesn't see it that way. Judd laments that Wyatt wants to be the bum version of himself instead of going out into the world and doing something great. Judd says he doesn't want his son to make the same mistakes he made and Tommy reminds him that Wyatt's decisions are not up to him. Tommy asks him if he could change anything that happened in his life leading up to the day he met Grace.

Judd: "No, I don't reckon I would."

Tommy reminds Judd that if he is worried about Wyatt turning out just like him then he has nothing to worry about. Aww! Tommy, you're such a good friend!!! I love the Tommy and Judd friendship so much!

In the next scene, Wyatt visits the firehouse to ask Judd if he's had any more thoughts about what they talked about over dinner. Judd tells him he won't be making a call to the chief because he believes it would be a mistake. He tells Wyatt that he's been where he's been and Wyatt reminds him that's not true. Wyatt assures him that he plans on being there for his kid which sounded harsh at first but then he tempers it by saying that he knows Judd would've been there if he knew about Wyatt earlier. Wyatt assures Judd he will not make the same mistakes as he did. Judd says he does want to make up for lost time but he won't be making the call. He tells Wyatt he thinks he's too soft to be a firefighter. Wyatt is clearly hurt by hearing this and walks away. 

Meanwhile, Mateo is attempting to sell his Pokemon cards as a means of raising Marvin's bail money. When Nancy discovers what he's doing, she sends him the money he needs because she knows how much he loves his Pokemon card collection. Mateo tells her she's a good girlfriend.

Over at the Ryders' Judd is fixing the kitchen cabinets at God knows what time of the morning. Grace joins him in the kitchen and asks him what's going on. He tells her about Wyatt coming to the firehouse and how he called him soft. Grace asks him if he meant what he said and Judd tells her he did. He says he thinks the world of Wyatt but insists that not everyone is built to do what he does every day. Grace tells him that's something Wyatt needs to find out for himself. Judd insists that he's not stopping him but Grace points out that he's not helping him either. Judd says he can't go to the chief regarding something he doesn't believe in. Grace says that if that's the case then he needs to get to the point where he believes in Wyatt. If he truly believes Wyatt is not tough enough then it's his job to toughen him up. At the end of this scene, Judd points out that Grace is the wisest woman he's ever met and that she will make a great grandmother. Grace scoffs at this and he teases her by calling her granny and memaw. This scene was super sweet because I love how Judd has these two women in his life who can make him see reason when he's being stubborn. 

Back at the firehouse, Mateo receives a call from his cousin Daniela. He learns that as soon as Marvin was released from jail, he stole another vehicle and ended up in an accident. Marvin is dead. Mateo, of course, does not take the news well and I honestly felt really bad for him. He insists that Marvin's death is his fault and Owen assures him it's not. Mateo says he should've listened to Owen because even though Marvin would still be in custody, he would at least be alive. Owen reminds Mateo that it was Marvin's choice to steal that Porsche and that it was a bad choice to make. Owen tells Mateo that he should go home since his shift is over. Mateo asks him for money so he can go back to LA for the funeral. Owen tells him he will give him whatever he needs and Mateo says that was easy. He thanks Owen and leaves.

Nancy tries to console Mateo in the locker room and he tells her he wishes she hadn't given him the money for Marvin's bail. Nancy asks if he blames her and Mateo assures her he doesn't. He tells her he's mad at himself for taking the money and worries what his aunt and uncle will do once they find out he was the one who posted the bond. Marvin leaves to go home and Nancy suggests she can go with him. He tells her no and that he wants to be alone. Nancy is so understanding at this moment.

Mateo heads home and he starts to spiral. He takes several shots of whiskey, trips, and hits his head. He is knocked out cold. When he comes to, we see a bedroom with two twin beds decorated in an old school aesthetic.

What we get next is Mateo's backstory delivered in the style of a sitcom from the 1950's, i.e. The Patty Duke Show and Leave it to Beaver. We see two identical boys - Mateo and Marvin. We learn that it was Mateo who was the troublemaker while they were growing up and Marvin was the well-mannered one. Very Goofus and Gallant. We see Mateo coming in through the bedroom window. Marvin catches him and chastises him for sneaking out overnight. Mateo's hands are pink from tagging their school. Mateo attempts to wash the paint from his hands while Marvin tells him to hurry up and get dressed so they can both get to school. Mateo tells him there's no school left because burned down.

We then get a very classic television-inspired theme song featuring not only Mateo and Marvin, but cousin Daniela (Marjan), Aunt Marisol (Tommy), and Uncle O (Owen). I loved every moment of this because I grew up watching Nick at Nite with my grandmother. That's how I was introduced to shows like Mary Tyler Moore, I Love Lucy, Dragnet, and Bewitched.

Mateo and Marvin head downstairs for breakfast where there's some funny banter between the family. They are joined by Milkman Judd. You know, Jim Parrack in all white really did it for me. Milkman Judd asks if they heard about what happened at the middle school. He tells the Chavez family that the school burned down, soliciting some nervous looks exchanged between Mateo and Marvin. To make matters worse, Officer Reyes and his nincompoop sidekick (Carlos and TK) drop by to let the family know they found a can of spray paint at the scene of the crime and they have footage of Mateo at the school. Marvin steps in and confesses to the crime because he worries if Mateo gets in trouble he will be deported back to Mexico. Marvin is arrested by the officers and taken away. 

In the next scene we see Nancy cleaning the wound Mateo sustained when he tripped and failed. Owen asks Nancy if they should take him to the hospital but Mateo says he actually needs to go to the police station. When Nancy asks why, he tells her that he needs to report a crime. Owen asks him what crime and Mateo responds by saying vandalism and arson. The very first time Marvin got in trouble was because of something he did. Mateo confesses to burning down his middle school when he was thirteen years old. He thinks it's time that everyone knows the truth because when Marvin stepped in to take the heat for his crime, it set him on a path of destruction which ultimately led to his death. Mateo asks Owen to take him to the police station. Nancy says that if he does that, he could end up losing everything. Mateo says if that happens, he deserves it. He tells Owen he needs to make things right and Owen agrees to take him to the station.

Meanwhile, Judd invites Wyatt over to let him know that he and Grace are willing to help him and Leigh Ann out until he graduates from the fire academy. Wyatt is shocked by this news and reminds Judd that he called him soft. Judd doesn't take back what he said but instead tells him that he's going to help toughen him up. Wyatt tells him that he will be starting at the academy the following week. As it turns out, he went and got the job on his own accord rather than waiting for Judd to put in a good word for him. Judd is both surprised and proud. Wyatt asks him if he still thinks that he's soft and Judd says as a baby's belly but he's going to help him change that. He gives Wyatt some workout clothes and a plastic garbage bag. Judd tells him to get changed so they can get to work. The two of them hug and they're officially my second favorite father/son relationship of the show.

Owen does take Mateo to the station but it's not the police station. When they arrive at the firehouse, Owen tells him that if he truly wants to make things right, then this is where he needs to be. 

Owen: "You come here every day and you try to save someone. You do it because you couldn't save Marvin."

Owen reminds Mateo that the debt he so badly wants to take ownership of has already been paid. Owen asks him not to throw away Marvin's sacrifice because his work with the 126 is too important. He tells Mateo he is sorry he lost his cousin but he doesn't want to lose him. This is truly Owen Strand at his best. Owen has many faults but he is truly a good man underneath all the bravado and hair product. He is also a good captain and a good father figure to TK and Mateo. Mateo thanks him.

In our final scene, we see Wyatt running while Judd is driving alongside him in his truck. What a good episode for fathers and their sons.

So, let's talk about the episode as a whole! This episode ranks very high with me and I think both storylines were done well. I think Wyatt Harris was a great addition to the show and I think it's quite interesting to see Judd learning how to be a dad to both a toddler and a grown man. The news of Wyatt and his girlfriend, Leigh Ann, expecting a baby was quite shocking to me but it adds an interesting dynamic to the show. How fun will it be to see Judd and Grace navigating parenthood as well as being grandparents. Also, does this mean Wyatt will be joining the 126 at some point?

The Mateo plot was my favorite of the episode. We have watched Mateo grow so much during the course of this show but admittedly he's mostly taken a backseat for most of this season. I'm so glad we got to learn even more about the character and I think it was a nice twist learning that he was the delinquent. This show has always been about second chances and sometimes third and fourth chances. We have seen other characters have to start over after tragedy has befell them and Mateo is no different. His cousin taking the rap for a crime he committed was the wakeup call he needed to become the man he was meant to be all along. Unfortunately it was also the beginning of Marvin's downfall but ultimately when we become a certain age, our choices are our own and we can only blame so much on circumstances. I admire Marvin for protecting Mateo but everything that came afterwards could have been avoided.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Lone Star is knocking it out of the park this season. I have truly enjoyed every single episode and we still have seven more to go. I hope we continue to get more episodes like this sprinkled throughout the rest of this season. Until next time ...

[doublel27]

I would actually hate it if Owen were to die, and I didn't even realize that until today.

Is he a favorite character of mine? Not by any stretch of imagination. But he is necessary to the show. Before season 3, I am not sure I would say that.

He was always the center, but on the outside until this season. He feels more connected to the characters beyond just TK and whatever love interest they give him.

Not only would I hate Owen dying for TK, but for Carlos, Judd and Mateo too. They all have very different relationships with him, but are all very important to these men.

His relationship with Tommy is one I enjoy. They have developed a mutual respect for each other, are there for each other in times of tragedy. It was a little odd at first to me in 2x13 when Owen was the one she finally broke down with. However after rewatching, he felt like the exact right person to be there. Just as she was the right person to be with him in 3x04. I hope they keep them platonic (and really think they will), as they have a chaotic vs sane person thing going, and I like it.

I hope we get to dig more into his past, why he is angry. I am actually looking forward to watching the next episode, especially if it gives us more of him acknowledging his issues.

So sorry to not get to this until after 3x16, but I'm kinda glad I did.

Owen has really deep bonds with several characters. I really have enjoyed the deepening of Marjan and Owen's relationship this year. They're both so similar and I really appreciate how Owen actually kinda listens when Marjan talks.

Owen and Tommy make a great team of co-Captains. I really enjoy their freindship and the deep care and respect for each other.

Mateo loves Owen. The hero worship has dimmed since living with Owen. But Owen is so important to Mateo. Owen saw potential in Mateo and is the only reason Mateo wasn't deported. Mateo is a DREAMER and needed a job to stay. If Owen hadn't picked up on the fact that Mateo was talented and investigated to find out Mateo was dyslexic and then put Marjan on getting him to pass, Mateo would be in Guadalajara with his dad. I'm also fairly certain Mateo and his family got separated when he was in high school and when he found out Owen had cancer, he was immediately distraught.

Judd and Owen are very good friends and two men who understand each other on a very deep level. Judd is another person who Owen sometimes sort of listens to. Owen cares about Judd's advice and council. They share the awful reality of losing their whole firehouse. Judd respects the hell out of Owen, even if he thinks he's a bit of a mess. I loved 3x16! It was so good. I really liked how we learned about another terrible tragedy (two) that happened to Owen and how he managed to face his dad. I've said it before, TK comes by his itch to run naturally. Owen is a runner, as was his mother, as was Gwyn. Owen staying and facing it was such a sign of his growth through therapy. So was his calling TK and saying (part) of what he needed to say to his son. Owen hasn't fully changed, but I'm really interested to see the remainder of his arc through season 3. He started the season alone and isolated, even after he came back from the woods, he wouldn't let himself enjoy the party but went upstairs to be alone. I'm hoping to see him integrated into the firehouse even more and a little less secrative. I was so pleased with what we got though. they acknowledged so much I was hoping they would.

[taciturnsoul]

TW: SUBSTANCE ABUSE

SPECULATION ON TK’S ADDICTION TO SUBSTANCES AND HOW OWEN MIGHT HAVE INFLUENCED IT

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Since the next 911 Lone Star episodes will be about TK’s addiction, I was just thinking about how his propensity to use substances and subsequently become addicted might come from Owen. The series did drop hints about Owen’s history and recent use of alcohol as a way to numb his pain and guilt.

In S01E03, we see Owen drinking a whole bottle of tequila with Michelle when he started his chemo, as a way to cope with the guilt of hiding his cancer from TK and the news of the side effects of chemo that might cause him to lose his hair and libido. Even the background song in that scene (The Bottle Let Me Down by Merle Haggard ) is relevant to the situation at hand. Some of the lyrics:

“… Each night I leave the bar room when it's over

Not feeling any pain at closing time

But tonight your memory found me much too sober

Couldn't drink enough to keep you off my mind

… I've always had a bottle I could turn to

And lately I've been turnin' every day

But the wine don't take effect the way it used to

And I'm hurtin' in an old familiar way”

In S01E09 TK had told Owen that Owen is an addict like TK, always chasing the first high, although that was in reference to the adrenaline rush that Owen gets when working as a firefighter/rescuer rushing into danger and saving lives. Which is similar to TK running towards the danger (ie drugs) like Gwyn mentioned in S03E08 but also saving lives as a firefighter at the same time.

In S02E02 after Tim’s death, Owen was seen drinking tequila, and although Gwyn was there with him, he still needed substances to numb the guilt of losing one of the members of his firehouse.

In S02E10, we also see Owen bingeing on tequila, using Mateo moving in with him as an excuse, although afterwards we find out that it was because he wanted to anesthetize the pain of losing Gwyn again and to cope with the fact that TK has moved in with Carlos, leaving Owen all alone by himself without his family in his house. Luckily Mateo shared Owen’s secret with the 126 and TK managed to stage an intervention before things got worse.

In S03E09, Owen had told Judd that one of his coping mechanism for his PTSD after the 9/11 attacks was alcohol, and he would frequently come home drunk and say horrible things to Gwyn with Ginsburg (and TK) witnessing his and Gwyn’s fights.

Furthermore, another unhealthy coping mechanism of Owen’s when not involving alcohol is sex. Owen used sex as a way to forget his pain after seeing Gwyn with the baby that wasn’t his, thus the One Night Strand nickname in S03E05. TK was exactly like that in the beginning of Season 1, when he was hooking up with Carlos purely for sex in order to forget the trauma of his breakup and relapse/overdose.

I don’t think it is a coincidence that they keep on showing Owen and his alcohol consumption throughout the series because most of the time when Owen consumes alcohol, it is almost always related to major life-changing events in his life.

Since TK has been witnessing Owen’s self-destructive behavior since he was 7 years old, most likely he had learned from Owen that the only way to cope with the painful reality of life is to use substances to make the pain go away, apart from work. Sure, we still don’t know what is the direct trigger for TK to start using substances, but in my opinion, Owen have played a large part in it, in more ways than one.

[reyesstrand]

What are your many thoughts 👀👀

tldr: i’m firmly in the belief we’ll be seeing tk and carlos getting engaged in the finale. we’ll see the group grappling with the aftermath of the building collapse in various future-oriented/seize the day ways (👀), the near-miss of losing judd and them all being there for each other as a family (compared to where we started the season with them apart). owen will grapple with his trauma and might potentially be part of whatever tiny cliffhanger we’re left on going into s4.

my more babbling thoughts: i think owen will be grappling heavily with his 9/11 trauma as he’s thrown back to one of his own potentially facing death in a building collapse. we could see some flashbacks with gwyn, and i think we’ll really get into how for owen, the only thing getting him home at night was tk and gwyn. we’ll probably see him truly hitting a breaking point. i also think that, given one of the bts pics brian shared, we’ll see tk/marjan/paul/mateo going in with owen. my guess is tommy and nancy will stay out and work with some of the other firefighters we’ve encountered through the seasons and will run triage (and i’m assuming we’ll see tommy comforting grace somehow, like a role reversal from 2x09), whereas tk brings the medical and rescue experience and so he goes in.

either way, we’ll get some reflecting moments with tk and owen. this could be in the same vein as their chat in 1x08, and parallel tk telling carlos in 3x13 he’s doing whatever he can just to come home to him. it will get tk really thinking about their relationship and about how nothing is promised and by the time they’re reunited we’ll get a proposal. while it might be a spontaneous engagement, i think the building blocks have absolutely been there just in s3 alone, and it will be emotional and beautiful and allow them the chance to celebrate the certainty of their future. with the rest of the 126–they’ve all experienced either grief or health scares etc this season, and this rescue will be important to a lot of them, especially knowing that their big brother judd is the one lost in the rubble. given one of the other bts pics, i think we’ll see another group hang at the loft where they not only celebrate tk and carlos getting engaged, but just life in general after the year they’ve had.

finally, regarding the tendency for these shows to have some sort of cliffhangery ending: owen in the doctor’s office. i’ve seen some speculation it could be a flashback—which it very well could be!!!—but after chatting w some friends i think the potential of it being a current doctors appointment post-building collapse could be interesting….especially if we find out that owen’s cancer might be showing signs of coming back. and if owen’s dealing with his trauma and the potential of getting sick again, it could allow for some compelling storylines going into the next season—everyone else being generally quite happy, and owen grappling with the reality that he might not get to see it all (the wedding, more with the 126, etc). and when s4 begins, they can either go the route of his cancer for sure being back, or they can make the finale more of a scare that’s put his life in perspective.

[morganaspendragonss]

never been one for goodbyes

In the aftermath, the 126 take comfort in each other.

or

a series of vignettes about the 126 trying to come to terms with the events of s2e2

i may or may not have cried while writing this. spoilers for lone star s2e2 to follow

ao3

Judd doesn’t sleep that night. He pretends to for a while, for Grace’s sake, but when he’s certain she’s asleep again he slips out of bed and moves on silent feet to the patio, making a pit stop in the kitchen for whiskey. His fingers shake as they wrap around the glass and he finds he can’t steady his breathing. It doesn’t help that the air outside is foul, volcanic ash and smoke mingling to clog up his throat, but Judd doesn’t care. He won’t be out here for long, just enough to clear his head before he goes back to bed so Grace won’t find out.

Clearly, though, he’s not as subtle as he thought, because soon enough there are footsteps approaching and hands rubbing gentle circles on his shoulders.

“Come back inside, sweetheart,” Grace says, dropping a kiss on the top of his head.

He shakes his head, swirling his drink. There’s ash in that too, but it doesn’t matter. He wasn’t drinking it anyway. 

“Judd.” Grace sits next to him, taking his trembling hands in hers. She’s looking at him so softly, and it breaks Judd in two.

“I can’t,” he chokes out. “I saw it, Grace, I saw him get hit by that rock, and I just -”

He breaks off and looks away from her, scrubbing roughly at his eyes. Grace nods and squeezes his hands, like she knows what he’s thinking. Hell, she’s probably thinking about it too; Grace had been on the line that night.

Judd had never seen his brothers’ bodies, but he’d seen Tim’s - or what was left of it. And now… Now, he can’t help but imagine their faces transposed onto his, fire reflected in their glassy eyes just as it had been in Tim’s tonight. He feels guilty for it, because Tim was Tim, not his old crew, but he’s stuck back in that night again and his hands won’t stop fucking shaking.

“I can’t do this again, Gracie,” he sobs, curling in on himself to try and contain the hurt. 

Grace’s arms come around him. “You’re not alone, Judd,” she murmurs. “Not now. Not ever.”

And Judd lets go, leaning into her chest and coming apart in her embrace. 

*

He would have been content to stay out here until the sun came up, but Gwyn eventually insists upon him going back inside. He gives in fairly easily, truth be told; Owen is tired of fighting right now. She doesn’t try to coax him to bed, which he’s grateful for, but she does sit with him, a silent, stoic presence at his side. 

“Where’s TK?” she asks after a while. “I didn’t notice him coming in with you.”

“He’s with Carlos, I think.”

“You think?” There’s a quiet note of panic in Gwyn’s voice, and Owen hates himself for causing it. Hates himself more for understanding it, maybe even sharing it a little. “Owen -”

“He’s fine,” he says. “Or, he’s not… He’s with Carlos. That’s what he said, and I believe him.”

Gwyn nods, lips pursed. “Okay.”

They lapse into silence again, Owen feeling the weariness and heavy, heavy grief settling deeper into his bones with each passing moment. He and Tim hadn’t even been that close, but Owen has a duty of care. Everybody who clocks in, clocks out. It’s one of his rules, a rule he’s broken very few times in his career.

The first time was 9/11, his entire firehouse wiped out save for him.

The second was when TK got shot, and Owen thought his world was imploding all over again.

Today was the third time, which makes it three times too many in Owen’s book. It can’t happen again. It won’t.

“Owen,” Gwyn says, and she’s looking at him with those wide, pleading eyes that Owen knows he can’t refuse. “Remember what I said earlier? Please don’t bottle this up.”

Owen swallows thickly. “I won’t,” he says, and he doesn’t know if it’s a lie.

*

TK doesn’t know how long they spend on the stairs, curled around one another. Long enough for his legs to start to cramp, and it’s only the thought that Carlos must be just as uncomfortable that finally persuades him to let go.

“You okay?” Carlos asks as he straightens out, the first words either of them have spoken since TK walked in. 

TK hesitates, a ‘yes’ halfway to his lips, but the lie is bitter on his tongue and he knows he can’t fake it. Not with Carlos. So he simply shakes his head and looks down at the floor, focusing on nothing in particular.

He hasn’t cried yet; he doesn’t know if he will. It’s usually these kinds of nights when the pull to his addiction is strongest - nights like Alex leaving him and finding out about his dad’s cancer and sudden, pointless heartbreak - but he’s just...numb. He keeps playing the call on repeat in his head, from the initial panic to the shock at seeing Tim, and he doesn’t feel it.

He doesn’t feel a goddamn thing.

Carlos takes his hand and gently pulls him upright, offering himself as support. TK takes it, leaning heavily on Carlos as they shuffle to bed, the silence between them a comfort to him. His fingers fumble as he tries to strip off, and Carlos helps with that too, without TK even trying to ask him.

“Thank you,” he manages, his voice coming out hoarse and weak. In response, Carlos offers him a small smile, though it doesn’t reach his eyes, which are wide and expressive and horribly sad.

They fall asleep together as the sun begins to come up, TK’s head resting on Carlos’s chest and Carlos’s arms secure around him. 

It feels safe. It feels like home.

*

Nancy’s been staring at her phone for the post half hour, her thumb hovering over the call button. She needs to do it, she knows this, if only out of basic human decency. But she’s not sure if she has it in her to say the words, not when she’s still expecting Tim to come walking down the hall and joke about her messing up his stuff. 

None of this will be here in a week. Less, even. Captain Vega had promised to give her time, but Nancy doesn’t know if she has the strength to let go. They’d been a team, her and Tim, and Michelle before she left. Now it’s just Nancy, alone in the darkened firehouse, listening to the replacement crew go about their shift as if nothing had happened.

On impulse, and a sudden need to get it over with, Nancy presses call. It rings a few times, Nancy realising that it’s the early hours of the morning and she might not pick up, but then there’s a familiar voice coming down the line.

“Nancy?” Michelle says, her voice heavy with sleep. “Everything okay?”

“Michelle,” Nancy gets out, then stops, the lump in her throat choking her at the prospect of telling Michelle that Tim… That he’s gone.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?” Michelle sounds more awake now, concern bleeding into her tone. “I saw the volcano on the news; you’re all okay, right?”

Nancy doesn’t respond straight away, and clearly it’s enough to tell Michelle all she needs to know. “Who?” she asks.

“I… It happened so fast. I didn’t even realise at first.” Nancy sobs. “He’s just… He’s gone, Michelle.”

“Who, Nancy?” There’s a sharp intake of breath on the other end. “Not… God, Nancy, don’t tell me it’s Tim.”

Nancy can only choke out an affirmative before another sob crawls its way up her throat, and suddenly she’s sliding off the bench onto the cold floor. Michelle’s crying too, she can hear it faintly down the line, and it’s a small comfort to know she’s not totally alone in this.

*

Mateo doesn’t bother to change before speeding out of the firehouse, letting his legs carry him wherever. He can’t shake the feeling of guilt from his body, like if he’d just tried harder, been faster, done more, he could have stopped it. 

Maybe if he’d helped Tim evacuate his patient. Because, really, Tim shouldn’t have even still been there by that pool. Someone should have helped him. Mateo should have helped him.

He’d heard what the others said. It was nobody’s fault, it was a freak accident, he shouldn’t blame himself… Thing is, Mateo can tell they don’t believe it either. He can see they all feel just as guilty as he does.

Still. Mateo knows it’s not their fault. He just wishes he could believe the same about himself. They’re not the ones who have to prove themselves, after all, but he’s still the probie. Still the one who’s out on his ear if he fucks up - like letting a team member get killed on call.

His feet come to rest outside the church, his breath coming in harsh pants and his whole body aching after running for however long. The sun is well and truly up, so it must have been a while.

He hasn’t been to church in a while, but there’s nothing like a guilty conscience to convince a man to go back. Is it selfish, this desire for redemption?

Does he deserve it?

*

Paul holds her until her tears have dried up and she’s almost collapsing on him, exhausted to her very soul. He holds her after, too, sitting on the gym’s floor with her as she stares blankly into space.

“You can go home, if you want,” Marjan eventually manages, pulling away to wipe at her eyes. “I’ll be okay.”

“I’m good here,” Paul says.

Marjan looks at him then - properly looks at him. She’s not as good at reading people as Paul is, but she’d been a fool to not see how much he, too, is hurting. It makes her feel guilty for forcing him to be there for her, when he’d lost Tim just as much as she did.

“Are you okay?” she asks. Which is a stupid question, because are any of them okay? But it’s also the only question left to them; it’s a reassurance and a comfort and an answer wrapped together.

Paul smiles fleetingly. “No. You?”

“About the same.”

Paul nods and Marjan leans into him, not caring that they’re both sweaty and grimy. They sit in silence for a long while, until the sun is high in the sky and then some, taking comfort in the presence of someone else next to them.

And, carefully, they hold each other together.

[marjansmarwani]

heavy from the hurt inside my veins

3.8k || ao3

In the wake of the volcano, the 126 reels and tries to heal. Coda to 2x02.

Vignettes from each character in the aftermath of that episode. It’s sad, be warned. Beta’d by the wonderful @officereyes with some additional input by @firefighterstrand and @justaswampdemon

--------

Why not me?

It was the question he had asked himself for the first time on September 12th, 2001. It was the question he had asked himself as he went from house to house, informing family after family that someone they loved would never be coming home again. 

Even as he had entered his own home: tired, worn, and hurting in so many ways, he had been unable to stop the question from floating through his mind again even as his son latched onto his waist with tears in his eyes and his wife hovered at the edge of the room, eyes full of fear and grief. Even as he assured TK that he was okay, that everything would be fine, even as he put out his free arm for Gwyn, holding her tight when she stepped into his embrace, he couldn’t help but wonder: why did he deserve to live any more than anyone else?

Thousands of people had died that day. He hadn’t known most of them but the ones he did know has been his family. They had been his brothers and sisters, and they were good people. He was not better than them, so why was he still here?

As time passed he asked himself the question over and over again. He asked it as he watched his marriage fall apart, he asked it as his son grew older and became better and better at hiding his disappointment when Owen wasn’t there. He asked it as he watched his family crumble because of him. It would have been kinder, he thought, if it had been him. For his family to not have to watch him fall apart, for him to not have to feel all of this. 

But it hadn’t been him, and it never was. 

The ash fell in slow spirals around him, drifting down into his backyard like snow. He watched it absentmindedly, one hand clutching his glass of tequila while the other stroked Buttercup. It was beautiful in a way the ash that had followed the collapse of the towers had never been. And just like then, he was sitting and watching with the same question. It had been a matter of feet rather than minutes this time. But just like last time, he had survived and someone else did not and he still didn’t know why. 

It had been so long, but the guilt felt familiar. He supposed that might be because it never truly left. 

He wasn’t better than Tim. If anything, the opposite was true. Tim had lived to help people, he had never hurt anyone. He was kind and sincere and completely dedicated to the work he did. He had helped save his son’s life, and Owen had never forgotten that. He was caring and funny and a good person. He had done nothing in his life to warrant being flattened by a flying, flaming, hunk of volcanic rock. If it had been something to do with fate or karma, Owen didn’t see it.

The only thing he is sure of is that he doesn’t deserve to be the one who always walks away.  

---------

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep”

It’s been hours now, and her words have haunted her ever since. Even as she had rushed over, even as she knew in her heart that they couldn’t save him; that there was no saving him, she thought those words. Now, in the quiet aftermath, they repeated in her head like an echo. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.” She had never promised Tim anything, explicitly, but there had been an implied promise as his captain: I am here for you, I will make sure you stay safe. 

And she hadn’t. She had failed in the most spectacular way possible. 

She knew, logically, that Judd was right. She knew that as hard as she tried, as much as she would have liked to, she did not have the power to stop an act of nature. She knew that there was no way this could have been changed, no way to avoid this. But that did change the facts: she had made a promise, and she had broken it. Just like she had scolded him for.  

Even now she felt like she was failing. She had lost a teammate, someone in her command. She had lost someone she was meant to look out for and here she was thinking of her own family and how this incident had reignited the fears she had had, reminded her of the reasons she hadn’t gone back in the first place. Even now she was letting him down, but she didn’t know how to stop. 

Picking up Buster and taking him in had been a peace offering. Perhaps it was small in the face of everything, but it was the only thing she could think to do. It was the only way she could think to help him now, like she should have before. So as she stroked the cat as he drank from the bowl, as she thought about her girls sleeping in the next room and of flaming rocks falling from the sky, she came to a conclusion that was small in the face of this all: her family now extended outside of the walls of her home and she would not let them down again. 

----------

When it came to loved ones, sometimes being able to read people so well was a double edged sword. Paul had always known when someone was lying, when they weren’t telling him the whole truth. He knew when they tried to hide things, and he knew right now that his team was hiding their collective hurt. 

Sure, they were grieving but he could tell that there was so much more to it than that. Each of them had a tension bubbling under the surface, something inside that was aching to burst out. He just hoped that they’d be able to survive the fallout. 

He wanted to help, but he didn’t know how. Vaguely he realized that he was being a hypocrite; looking to problem solve for others rather than confront his own. Maybe that was the case but he couldn’t bring himself to be too bothered. These people meant more to him than just about anyone in the world and if making sure they were okay was what he needed to focus on now he could live with that. Everything else could wait. 

So he accepted the coffee from Marjan, who needed to look after others in the face of upset; it had been the same when TK was shot. He watched her cross to TK and place a hand on his shoulder as he sat quietly, his face blank but his head a cloud of emotions. He watched as Judd clutched the pillow to his chest, tightening his grip around it as he fought to stay present, to not make the connections between what they had just lived through and what he almost hadn’t. He listened to Mateo admit to an insecurity, knocked off balance by the sudden and expected shift in the equilibrium of their already unmoored lives. He asked if the Captain was okay when he was clearly not. 

He watched, he listened, he analyzed because it’s what he did. 

In the end they all dispersed. The Captain home to his ex-wife, Judd to Grace, TK to Carlos. Mateo mentioned something about going for a run, and the remaining two paramedics disappeared to the ambulance bay. All that was left was Marjan, looking unsure now that everyone was gone, that there was no one else for her to focus on. 

Marjan was someone he understood maybe even better than the rest. His fellow Austin transplant, they had bonded over the shared surrealism of leaving behind everything and everyone you had ever known to start fresh. He had learned, over time, that they had much more in common than simply being new to town. He had learned that they both looked to cope in similar ways, that they enjoyed using physical activity to quiet their minds, to work out whatever was frustrating them. 

So tonight when he gathered his things to go home, he grabbed his gym bag. He found Marjan in the kitchen, absentmindedly washing the dishes with a distant look in her eyes and once he had her attention, held up his boxing gloves in question. As they sparred in silence he allowed all his frustration to come out. As he held the bag for her to punch, he watched her do the same. And when she finally crumbled, hitting the point in which tears were the only outlet left, he held her, and shed a few of his own. 

-----------

The universe was determined to tear her family apart, and there is nothing she can do to stop it. At least, that’s what it’s starting to feel like. 

They had been lucky before. They had almost lost TK, they could have lost the Captain to cancer, but they hadn’t. They had been okay; her little family here in Austin had remained whole. And now they weren’t, and she didn’t know if they would ever be again. 

She didn’t want to dwell on the questions. She didn’t want to think about all the ways the universe had let them down, she didn’t want to ponder questions of faith. So instead she focused on her team - or, what remained of it. She checked in on them all, brought coffee to Paul, offered silent support to TK, leant her closeness to Judd. Tim may not have been as close to her as these people, but he was still a part of this station and therefore still a part of her family. He was still someone she saw almost everyday, someone she relied on. To have him so suddenly gone, to have his life ended so suddenly and violently had shaken her to her core. 

She showered and changed after they were dismissed and headed to the kitchen, watching as they other dispersed with plans or destinations in mind. She had none. She didn’t know where to go and she didn’t know what to do. She knew the others were coping, falling back on their support systems outside the firehouse. She didn’t have one of those. The firehouse was her family, they were her support system. So instead of facing the question, she busied herself instead. She washed dishes that strictly speaking may have been clean while she tried to figure out the next step. When Paul appeared with boxing gloves in hand, she could have kissed him. 

Now as they sparred and she put all her anger and fear and frustration into each punch, she felt the dam break. When the tears came, she wasn’t surprised. When Paul pulled her into his arms and let her cry into his shoulder she felt a little better. Not for the crying, but for the proof: their family was still here. Maybe they could still be okay after all. 

-----------

He had been quiet, since it happened. 

Marjan had commented on it, Paul had asked if he was okay. He had nodded, but he hadn’t said a word. He was too ashamed to admit what his first thought had been, what feeling had rushed through him when he had realized who was under that flaming rock. 

He didn’t want to admit that he had been relieved to see Tim’s prone form smouldering under the volcanic rock, because it meant it wasn’t his dad. 

Everything had happened so fast; there had been fire and flying debris everywhere. He had ducked with Marjan, turning away from the scene only to hear shouts and the sound of someone calling for his dad. His heart had jumped into his throat and in the first few split seconds that he had turned all he had seen was a turnout coat peeking out under a large chunk of volcanic debris, and he had feared the worst. 

He had spent most of the past year terrified he would lose his dad to cancer. They had had the good news about that for just days now, and the idea of losing him in a volcano after all of that was too much and far too soon. So when the figure next to the rock had picked themselves up and TK had seen the red captain’s emblem on the helmet, the relief that had washed over him was all consuming. When he heard Nancy’s scream, the guilt had followed instantly. 

He knew if he explained it he would be forgiven, but he didn’t want their absolution. Tim had been his friend, his teammate. Tim hadn’t deserved to die, and he certainly hadn’t deserved that reaction. He was mourning Tim’s loss, he knew that things at the station would never be quite the same ever again. But in the moment that he had felt a sense of absolute relief and even thankfulness and now, in the moments and hours following, he couldn’t shake the guilt. 

It followed him as he left the station, still clinging to him even after a shower and a change of clothes. It lingered even now, after he had checked in with his dad and started the trek to the one place he truly wanted to be right now. It followed him as he went, opting to walk the mile rather than inflict his presence on any unsuspecting uber driver. It was weighing on him by the time he unlocked the door and stepped inside. He sighed as he turned, planning on quietly sneaking up the stairs, on sliding into bed besides his boyfriend to savor his calming presence.

But he turned and found that wouldn’t be necessary. Carlos was waiting on the stairs, a sympathetic look on his face. For an instant, TK was surprised, but it didn’t last. Of course Carlos knew, or course he had known TK would come here. TK knew he was anything but a mystery to Carlos Reyes. 

Carlos held out a hand and TK headed towards it gratefully. But the guilt weighed on him more and more with each step and by the time he reached Carlos he was falling, sinking to the ground and into his embrace. The guilt and shame were pressing on him as if he was suddenly at the bottom of the ocean and now that he was somewhere safe, somewhere he could fall and not be lost, it overtook him. 

He curled into Carlos’s chest, wrapping a hand around his arm even as he felt his boyfriend press a light kiss to the top of his head, his strong and safe arms tightening around him. Soon he would have to explain; soon he would have to tell Carlos why he didn’t have the strength to move another step, why they were here on the stairs instead of up in his bed. But for the moment he was content to sit here, safe and secure in the security of Carlos’s home and his arms as finally, he let the grief and the shame out.  

------------

When he left the station Paul had asked where he was going. He had told him for a run, because he didn’t have another answer. All he knew is that he didn’t want to stay here. The station felt like a grave and he wanted to get as far away from it as possible. Going home wasn’t an option: how did you explain to your roommates who had never faced anything more stressful than a low grade that you had lost someone today? That you had lost someone that felt just as much like family to you as your own family? 

He briefly considered going to his parents, seeking the comfort of his childhood home. But he nixed that idea as well; he didn’t want them to worry. His mother worried about him and his job enough as it was. He didn’t need to add the visualization of a teammate dying within feet of where he had been standing to her nightmares. 

In the end, he ran. 

He set off with no particular destination in mind, simply letting his feet carry him through the city. He jogged straight through the sunrise, and when he finally stopped in the dim morning’s light and saw his destination, he shouldn’t have been surprised. 

As he took in the steeple of the church above him, he felt a little bit more at peace. He couldn’t go home, but he could still get a piece of it. Growing up the church had practically been a second home, afterall. He stepped into the church quietly and settled into a pew in the back. He didn’t say a word, he didn’t make a move to offer a prayer or seek out someone to talk to. He was content to sit in the quiet comfort, absorbing the calm familiarity after a day that had changed so much more after a year full of it.

And in the quiet familiar calm, he let himself rest and reflect. 

-----------

The flames had been too similar. 

That was the only thought he had as he sat on the back of the couch, watching the others distantly, worrying the pillow in his arms. 

The flames had been high and bright and loud, just like that day. 

If he closed his eyes long enough, he could go back there. He had been doing better but it was still there and today had brought it closer to the surface.  So he focused on his team instead, on the people before him, on the family he was determined to protect. 

He hadn’t, tonight; but he would be damned if he didn’t succeed with everyone he had left. 

That was his role, after all. Judd the big brother; Judd the protector. Grace had once told him he was like a shield: determined to put himself between those he loved and harm, no matter the cost. He had joked a few dings in his armor would make him look more rugged, but she hadn’t laughed. “Remember that those people you are so determined to protect need you in one piece too,” she had told him softly, successfully ending any debate on the topic. There was no arguing with her, not on this. 

Even so, he would be damned if he let a single one of them fall on his watch. 

He took them all in, their various expressions of shock and grief. He answered their questions, offered reassurances and the hard truths: nothing anyone could have done could have prevented this, and there was nothing anyone could have done to save him. That was his job, after all. As the rest of them dispersed he sought out Tommy, he talked her off the ledge. He needed her to know that she was good at what she did, and that this didn’t change that. Nothing could ever change that. 

Eventually they all parted ways and he headed home. Stepped into the silent house, dropping his bag and shedding his jacket before heading to the bedroom, pausing in the doorway to take in the sight of Grace peacefully sleeping. 

He entered the room quietly, not wanting to wake her. He craved her comfort but she deserved to sleep, so he would settle for her presence right now. He slid into their bed and placed a gentle hand on Grace’s hip, needing the contact, needing the comfort. There was no one left to focus on now and without the distraction of others to distract him, the fear and anguish - both fresh and familiar - came back to the surface. She reached around without a word, pulling his hand into her own and wrapping their joined hands around her body. In the darkness, out of others to worry about, the tears finally started to come. 

Judd Ryder was a shield. He needed to be strong, to be the barricade that protected those he loved from all the bad in the world. It was all he had ever wanted to do. But he didn’t know how much more of this he could take. 

------------

Nancy didn’t want to go home. 

Home was filled with too many memories, home was filled with silence and solitude. Home was filled with reminders that she was alone now, that the only person who had always been there wasn’t here anymore. 

Home was just another reminder that her best friend, the one person she had always been able to count on, was gone and that he was never coming back. 

Paramedics were like firefighters in so many ways, but there was one way in which they had always differed: a firefighter always knew that running into a burning building carried a risk. They made their peace with that and carried that knowledge with them everyday. Paramedics were different. Paramedics worked outside the flaming structures, at the edge of the car accidents. Paramedics healed the people the firefighters rescued, they didn’t often do the rescuing. Sure there was risk just by being there, sure there was just as much risk as any other person faced on a day to day basis. Paramedics were not the ones to run into the heart of danger, they were the ones that patched up the people who came out. 

Nancy had been a paramedic for years, and she had worked with Tim the entire time. They had both lost people before - they had both lost their entire station, once upon a time. They had both stood at the edge of the destruction and watched as the people they spent everyday with were taken, and it had just been them, Michelle, and Judd left behind. Then the new crew had come in to replace the old one, Michelle had left, and life moved on but Tim had always been there. Nancy had never pictured a time when he would not be. 

In the aftermath she had sat at the edge of the group, a spectator to the close knit family of firefighters wondering how she was supposed to move on here without her other half. She liked the crew and felt welcomed by them, but it was so different being on her own. There was a gulf between them that she didn’t know how to bridge. 

Now she cleaned out his locker, packing up his personal effects to be shipped back to his family in Baltimore, feeling just a little bit more of her composure fall away with each item she placed in the box. Captain Strand had offered to have someone else do it, someone from a different shift with no tie to Tim, but it hadn’t felt right to her. He was her best friend and she owed him so much, this was the very least she could do. So she folded his clothes, took down his picture of Buster Keaton, and shared some of the burden with Captain Vega. Then the Captain left and she was alone again, sitting in the ambulance bay on her own. She didn’t want to go home. 

But she had nowhere else to go and no one else to turn to so eventually, she packed up her bag, and went home.  

[toosicktoocare]

like father, like son

Spoilers for 911 Lone Star below!

A fic no one asked for: TK winds up sick because he’s not sleeping well since learning about his dad’s diagnosis and because he’s pushing himself too hard to be a better son. (Also, Carlos doesn’t really vibe with fever sex.) 

The dreams don’t actually start until a few days after his talk with his dad, after a moment of pure, unfiltered vulnerability spanning from one to the other, but when they do finally start to plague his sleep, they’re terrifying, encompassing his every fear into twisted images of dirty hospitals, blood splashing against walls from violent coughs, two large, decaying organs pressing against him, suffocating him, and his father, withering away before his eyes.

After jerking awake in a cold sweat two nights in a row, TK forgoes sleep because he would much rather take fatigue any day over the spoiled visuals that seem to stain his thoughts, even when he’s awake. He, instead, takes to the internet when he should be resting, researching the side effects of chemo, what to look out for, what dialogue could cause potential triggers, and the most important, the one he’s most determined to achieve by any means necessary, how to care for a cancer patient. 

He sleeps only a little, catching one to three hours a day but subconsciously not allowing his body to slip into REM, and his growing exhaustion goes relatively unnoticed until he wakes at three am after nodding off in a chair in his room with a medical book on his lap to a scratchy throat and a slight hint of pressure pushing behind his eyes. 

He slips to his feet, quietly resting the book on the chair, and he pads softly across his room to the bathroom, flicking the lights on with a wide yawn. His reflection leaves much to be desired, a pale, drawn man with deep purple bags under his eyes staring back at him. 

“Shit,” he mutters, a low whistle, almost impressed with how terrible he’s managed to look, but then he’s turning to cough lightly into the crook of his arm until he’s wincing from the uncomfortable tingle that almost burns against his throat. He hunches over the sink, splashing cool water on his face, and then he’s reaching for the ibuprofen, but when he can hear gagging from his dad’s bedroom, he drops the pill bottle, the loud clattering and rolling fading in the distance as he races out his room. 

“Dad?” He shoves his dad’s bathroom door open to see him curled around the toilet, shoulders shaking slightly. The panic in his eyes fades to sympathetic concern, a look he’s been sporting far too much over the last few days, and he crouches beside his dad, dropping a hand to his back to feel his muscles convulsing under his palm. Wincing, he smooths his palm up and down his dad’s back, repeating the action, just as his dad would do for him, until Owen’s finally reaching up to flush the toilet with a groan. 

“Sorry I woke you,” Owen rasps out, and TK’s eyes fall just a little. 

“You didn’t,” he reassures, spitting out a quick lie when Owen frowns at him. “I was already up. Had to piss.” 

“Creepy timing,” Owen says around a weak laugh. “Didn’t realize my stomach and your bladder were in sync.” 

Rolling his eyes, TK gets to his feet, reaching a hand out toward Owen. “You’re so weird,” he mutters when Owen’s hand finds his. He pulls him to his feet, a frown threatening to pull at his lips at the ease. His dad’s been dropping weight, and for just a moment, he’s almost pulled back to too-vivid images, but he shakes his head, willing the fear away. 

“You done?”

He keeps close to his dad when he sidesteps around him to the sink to rinse his mouth out, eyes trained to the slight tremor in his dad’s steps. 

“Yeah,” Owen groans, frowning at his reflection, and TK meets his eyes through the mirror. They share a silent conversation. They’ve been doing that a lot since they talked, neither knowing how to verbally convey what their eyes are practically screaming. 

“Are you alright?” Owen finally asks, turning from TK’s pale reflection to see if it’s merely a trick of the light or if his son truly looks ill. His frown deepens, concern taking over his forehead in deep worry lines, when TK’s poor image appears to not be just a trick of the mirror. “You look exhausted.” 

“I’m fine,” TK says easily, and he doesn’t fight it when Owen reaches the back of his hand to his forehead, only watching with a gaze that’s almost struggling to be patient. 

“You don’t feel feverish,” Owen mutters, stepping back to asses his son with a long, studious gaze, taking in the dark circles colored under his eyes, his slumped posture, and his almost sunken face. “Have you been sleeping?”

TK makes to answer, to reassure his dad that he’s completely fine, but Owen continues, not letting him sneak a word in. 

“I know it can be hard to shut your mind off, especially after learning about all of this.” He gestures weakly toward himself. “But, we can tell your therapist--” 

“Dad,” TK groans, turning toward the door. “I said I’m fine.” ‘I’m not the one with cancer’ is what he wants to follow with, but the mere thought stabs at his chest like a dagger that’s on fire, so, instead, he looks over his shoulder, smiling softly. “Stop worrying about me and go get more rest, old man.” 

The smile grows wide and genuine at Owen’s mock dismay, the latter even going so far as to slap a hand to his chest. “Tyler Kennedy Strand, you take that back right this second!” 

“The number doesn’t lie,” TK laughs out, running when Owen shoots after him, and he takes the light punches to his back, stopping only when Owen turns away to cough harshly. Tension flicks across TK’s muscles, and he spins around, frowning. “You okay?”

“Yes,” Owen breathes out, catching his breath. “Stop looking at me like that. You’re going to wrinkle.” 

“You are unbelievable,” TK spits out around a huff of a laugh as he turns to leave the room, calling out his goodnight as he shuffles back into his room. It’s almost 3:30 now, and his alarm is set for 6. His muscles are aching for his bed, but his heart’s been the only one allowed to make decisions as of late. He bypasses his bed and slips his sneakers on, waiting until he hears Owen’s soft snores before he slips out of the house for a run. 

*****

“Not to be an asshole or anything, but you look like shit.” 

TK’s hand freezes mid rub at his helmet, and he drags a narrow gaze up to Judd. “Good morning to you, too.” He frowns a little, the crack in his voice betraying him, and he pulls his gaze back to his helmet, ignoring Judd when the latter takes a seat beside him. 

“TK, man, what’s going on? You’ve been looking like a zombie for a week now, and you’re starting to sound like one, too.”

“I’m fine,” TK grumbles, but the few coughs that slip past his pursed lips say otherwise, and he can see Judd tense slightly beside him through his peripherals. 

“It’s your dad, isn’t it?” Judd leans toward TK, keeping his voice low, and TK twists his gaze over until he’s meeting Judd’s surprisingly soft eyes. The look alone has his shoulders slumping, and he sighs lowly. 

“It’s just a lot to take in, and I’m trying to do better.” If he’s not dissecting each google page or medical book, he’s catering to his dad’s every need, cooking for him, supporting him as much as possible while out on the line, and being at his side through the nightly coughing fits and bouts of nausea. “I’m trying to take care of him,” he adds, voice almost a whisper, and Judd claps a hand to his shoulder. 

“You aren’t going to be any good to him if you drive yourself into the ground. You need a little break.” 

“I can’t--”

“--sorry to interrupt this little pow-wow, boys,” Owen cuts in, talking loud enough to gather the attention of his entire team. “But I’ve just received an invitation to the bar tonight, so make sure you bring your dancing shoes!” 

TK doesn’t miss the way Michelle stops to roll her eyes before she hoists herself up into the back of an ambulance, but then his dad’s talking directly to him, voice carrying over the hollers from the others. 

“You’ll come, right?” He leans forward, whispering. “Michelle said Carlos will be there--”

“--Dad!” TK hisses out sharply, and the heat that creeps to his cheeks is evident, enough so to have Judd bellowing out a laugh beside him. 

*****

TK excuses himself to the bathroom, leaving his mineral water with Carlos as he maneuvers around bar-goers until he’s shoving the bathroom door open just as his lungs burst. He buries his face into the crook of his arm, coughing harshly. He’s been getting worse as the day’s dragged on, and it’s been getting harder to keep it to himself. He started spiking a low-grade fever toward the end of his shift, and if the chill clinging to him is anything to go by, he’d say it’s definitely spiking. 

He feels like shit, point blank utter shit. His muscles are aching, but not like they do after a particularly hard shift. They’re almost throbbing, feeling oddly restless, and his head’s pounding, behind his eyes, across his forehead, all the way to drum at his temples. Worse, though, he can’t seem to shut his mind off, not even with Carlos and his unfair muscles by his side. 

He takes just a few moments to splash cold water over his burning face, sniffling lightly when he dries his face, and then he leaves, coughing weakly into his fist as he moves back around drunks and dancing until he’s bumping Carlos’ shoulder. 

“Your dad just yee-hawed half the people off the dance floor,” Carlos shouts over the music, and TK shoots a gaze to see his dad moving through some weirdly graceful mock lasso toss. 

“Marjan got the entire thing on video,” Carlos adds, nodding across the room, and TK follows his gaze with a half-hearted laugh. 

“Hey,” Carlos’ voice is softer this time, almost gentle, and TK pulls his eyes to his, frowning slightly as he tilts his head. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” He leans in close to TK’s ear, and TK shudders against his hot breath. 

“I don’t know about you, but this place is kind of blowing my vibe, and my couch is really lonely--”

A quick distraction that TK smiles at, lips curling up almost deviously, and he nods quickly, allowing Carlos to pull him toward the exit. He spares a glance over his shoulder, fear suddenly gripping at his heart, but then he sees Michelle laughing as Owen spins her around the dance floor. It’s fine, he tells himself. He’s with the EMT Captain. 

He doesn’t mean to catch Judd’s eyes, but he does, and Judd nods once, an almost silent reassurance that TK clings to as Carlos all but drags him out of the bar. 

*****

TK’s melting against Carlos’ forceful touch, his body moving in sync with Carlos’ smooth movements. Their lips are molding to each other, their tongues battling, and when Carlos pulls away, dragging his bottom lip with him in a gentle bite for just a moment, he groans, back arching when Carlos drags sharp kisses down his neck. He’s almost lost completely to Carlos, but then Carlos is mumbling against his neck. 

“God, you’re on fire.” He nips at TK’s neck, almost drinking in the heat pouring off of him, and TK huffs around a small shiver, still feeling oddly cold despite being swallowed by the heat of Carlos’ muscles.

“Weird,” he grunts, a light moan slipping past his lips when Carlos’ hand trails down his stomach. “I’m actually freezing.” It’s a small slip-up, lost briefly in a moment of pure honesty, and then Carlos is pulling away quickly, a frown plastered to his lips. 

He’s hovering just above TK, hands pressed to the couch beside TK’s head, and his eyes are working over TK’s face. “You’re cold?” 

TK doesn’t really see the big deal because it’s probably just cold in Carlos’ apartment with the AC purring quietly in the background, so he nods, and then Carlos is rolling off of him and starting out of the room. 

“Carlos, what the fuck?” He shouts, his throat burning with each word until he turns to cough into the crook of his arm harshly. When he catches his breath, he turns his gaze to see Carlos walking toward him with a digital thermometer in his hand. 

“Doctor kink?” he starts, both brows raised, “I mean, if that’s your thing, I can get behind that--”

“TK, shut the fuck up and put this under your tongue.” 

TK opens his mouth to argue, but Carlos shoves the tip of the thermometer into his mouth, and he can’t do anything but oblige, slipping it under his tongue as he keeps a steady gaze to Carlos’ almost angry one. When the thermometer beeps, he moves to grab it, but Carlos is faster by a long shot, more so against TK’s sore muscles, and he frowns at the 102.2 degree reading, dropping it to TK’s hand as he presses a palm to TK’s forehead. 

“Woah,” TK breathes out at the reading, frowning deeply. He knew he had been running a low-grade, but this is way higher than he expected. “Shit,” he curses, eyes flying from the device to Carlos. “I’m sorry,” he spits out, but then his lungs quake with a need to cough, and he turns away from Carlos, coughing harshly into the crook of his arm. 

When he can suck in a deep breath without the burning need to cough more, he spares a hesitant glance back to see pure, dripping worry coloring Carlos’ eyes. 

“In the SUV earlier,” Carlos mutters, almost more to himself, “when you were coughing and said you accidentally inhaled some smoke on a call earlier. I should have known then.” He reaches over TK’s shoulder for a blanket folded on the back of his couch and drapes it over TK’s slightly trembling shoulders, and TK watches his every move. 

“Why didn’t you say earlier? I wouldn’t have pushed you--”

“--I wanted the distraction,” TK admits, surprising even himself. With the gig up, with Carlos staring at him with such consuming worry, he sinks back against the couch, allowing his illness to fully sweep over his body. He shivers, pulling the blanket tighter around himself, and he tilts his head against the back of the couch, eyes finding the ceiling. 

“A distraction from what?” Carlos pushes gently, careful to not tiptoe over into boyfriend territory. 

“Everything,” TK mutters around a weak cough, and he rolls his head to the side when Carlos lays a gentle hand to his covered knee, a small sign of encouragement that he’s listening but not forcing. 

“If I say I’m not ready to talk about it right now, will you not ask about it?”

Carlos considers this, and while the urge to push past TK’s wall is as hot as the latter’s fever, he nods slowly. “You can stay the night,” he says instead, moving with the need to see TK through what he’s sure is either a really bad cold or maybe the flu.

“I can’t,” TK starts, and he pushes the blanket away, making to stand, but his vision wavers, gray dots dancing across his eyes, and Carlos is quick on his feet, snaking a strong arm around TK’s waist and guiding him back down to the couch. 

“Why not? You can’t even walk.”

“My dad,” TK mutters, leaning heavily against Carlos. “I need to be with him... He needs someone with him to make sure he’s okay.” The panic from before, from leaving his father alone, hits him like a bucket of ice water being tossed over his head, and he’s shaking hard in Carlos’ grip, both from fever and fear, but Carlos’ only tightens his hold, a beacon of steady warmth he’s almost afraid to get too close to. 

Carlos really wants to ask about this because Owen seems fine, but the desperation clinging to TK’s tone has him considering his words. “I can call Michelle--”

“--no,” TK mutters, coughing against Carlos’ shoulder. “Judd. He’s the only other one who knows.” 

Carlos eases TK back against the couch, worry pulling at his heart as TK coughs and shivers and curls in on himself. “I’ll call Judd,” he starts, gaze drifting to the door for a moment. “Promise you won’t run?” 

“Couldn’t even if I tried,” TK chatters out, teeth clacking together, and Carlos makes quick work of calling Judd, rattling off what he knows. 

Judd’s worry on the other line of the phone apparently stretches back to a few days prior, and when he mentions he’s not sure that TK’s been sleeping, a pit grows in Carlos’ stomach, uncomfortable against the heavy weight of concern. 

Their conversation isn’t long, ending when Judd reassures him that he’ll keep an eye on Owen and will even make an excuse for TK’s absence. After, Carlos makes quick work of guiding TK to his bedroom. TK’s frighteningly compliant, only fighting him when he tries to pull an “Austin Police Department” hoodie over his head, snagging it from the back of a chair in his bedroom. 

“You’ll overheat,” Carlos tries, but TK somehow manages to pull the hoodie over his bare torso, and Carlos can’t say no when TK looks at him, cheeks flushed, hair sticking up at different ends, the sleeves of his hoodie pulled over his shaking hands, and the hem just covering a small part of TK’s bare thighs.

“Fine,” he mutters, breathing through a few curses as he helps TK into bed. He turns to get medicine for the fever, but TK’s hand is suddenly latching onto his wrist, surprisingly strong, and when he turns around, TK’s eyes, though glassy, are bright and aware. 

“Don’t.” 

“I’m just going to get some medicine--”

“--I can’t sleep,” TK admits, fingers digging into Carlos wrists as he coughs harshly. “I haven’t slept in a week.” 

“Jesus, TK,” Carlos breathes out. He’s getting more and more pieces of the puzzle that is Tyler Kennedy Strand, but the borders, the ones that support the picture, are still missing, as well as some middle chunks. “Why--”

“--you said you wouldn’t ask.” 

“Sorry,” Carlos mutters. “I’m just going to get medicine, and then I’ll come right back.” TK’s hand drops to the bed, eyes momentarily flicking to a color of fear that has Carlos rushing to the bathroom for ibuprofen and water. 

TK takes the medicine without question, wanting to rid his body of this shitty feeling just as much as Carlos does, and then Carlos slips some pants on and climbs into the bed, resting his back against the headboard, and TK watches him, eyes impossibly tired. 

“Do you think you can try to sleep? I’ll stay awake if you need me.”

“Judd’s with my dad?” TK asks, and when Carlos nods, he nods back, curling around Carlos’ hips, head resting against his thigh. He’s a little afraid to let his eyes slip closed, aware that he won’t have the control to not slip into REM, but when Carlos drops a careful hand to his hair, fingers carding softly through it, the fear eases a little, and he hums softly. 

“Is this okay? Have I gone too far into boyfriend territory?” 

“You have,” TK mutters around a yawn that’s followed by a few weak coughs. “But it’s okay for tonight.” 

[california--poppy]

book recommendations for each 911: lone star character

okay this is just something i’ve been working on for fun but i feel like sharing it! i picked books based on similarities between their content and the character’s storylines (or in some cases, what i wish their storylines were), so maybe some of these only make sense to me. i wanted to have two books for every character but for some of them, i could only think of one for so maybe i’ll add more to this list later based on season 2b. if you have any of your own recommendations i’d love to hear them! 

TK: a little life by hanya yanagihara (sad boy hours) or the great alone by kristin hannah (moving far away and facing a parent’s mortality hours)

Carlos: memorial by bryan washington (dad issues! dad issues! also, you know my favorite character was gonna get one of my all time favorite books.) or on earth we’re briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong (idk. i just feel this one in my soul.)

Owen: the great believers by rebecca makai (i know the show has never once referenced the 80s or even owen’s backstory before 9/11 but it’s rob lowe so i had to go with a book that partially takes place in the 80s + deals with some complicated parent/ child relationships) or lily and the octopus by steven rowley (cancer is sad. cancer is scary. i don’t care for the character of owen but god. cancer is so fucking sad.)

Grace: the hour i first believed by wally lamb (okay hear me out on this one. this book is about a man whose wife is at columbine high school during the 1999 school shooting and the resulting fallout of both of their trauma. he’s in another state when it happens and it takes about a day for him to find out that she’s okay. grace was stuck on the other side of the phone during the factory explosion! how long until she even got to be with judd?? how scary was that?? and i know we saw a little bit of her struggling with judd’s recovery and ptsd and i know her character is calm under pressure and handles difficult situations well, but i can’t help but want to see her make a mistake or be a little mean. supporting someone with mental health problems is hard! nobody’s perfect! aren’t you tired of being nice, grace? don’t you just want to go ape shit?)

Judd: east of eden by john steinbeck (i did not think i would like this book when i started reading it but i really, really did. much like judd himself.) or things you would know if you grew up around here by nancy wayson dinan (did i think of this book because it might be the only book i’ve read that takes place in texas? yes. but it works, trust me. a book about texas, but also the lengths you will go for the people you love)

Tommy: red at the bone by jacqueline woodson (a book about motherhood and figuring out what you want and how nothing’s just one thing. about how all of the members of a family affect each other. i really love tommy’s storyline and the ups and downs in her dynamic with her daughters and husband, and how it’s not bad, but it’s not perfect either) or separation anxiety by laura zigman (a much lighter, funnier option still with the themes of motherhood and changes within a family)

Marjan: less by andrew sean greer (marjan spent more than half of her life knowing who she was going to eventually marry and now that’s just gone. what’s next for her? i’m dying to know! i kinda want to see her lose herself a little before she figures out what she really wants from life.) or circe by madeline miller (it boils down to this: i want marjan to go on a journey)

Paul: beach read by emily henry (okay hear me out again. i thought this book was a little annoying because the character of gus was this brooding, bad boy type who also was soooo in touch with his feelings and always wanted to talk things out when there was a conflict and always said the right thing and it just felt a little flat to me. BUT i feel like a character like paul would work a little better-- sensitive and intuitive because of how he’s had to live his life, wants to be open but has a hard time navigating how to discuss his past with people he’s dating-- plus we’ve seen that dating and relationships are important to him. where’s paul’s ‘this is totally NOT a basic romance novel’ but then it fucking is!!! i can’t believe i fell for that!! moment??) 

Mateo: oksana behave by maria kuznetsova?? (idk i had a really hard time coming up with one for mateo. i settled on this one but i’m not 100% happy with it. a book about trying to do the right thing but it doesn’t always work out that way.)

Nancy: girl woman other by bernadine evaristo (haha jk unless.............)

happy 9 days until 2b everyone!!

[bellakitse]

It takes a Village

It takes a village to raise a child is an African proverb that means that an entire community of people must interact with children for those children to experience and grow in a safe and healthy environment.

* When TK is forced to move in with Judd and Grace Ryder temporarily, he learns he has his own village taking care of him. Along the way, he finds friendships and a love that has been standing right in front of him since the beginning.

E. 19k fic

TK has listened to his father talk for the last 10 minutes without blowing up, and he thinks he should get credit for that.

“Let me see if I got this straight,” he starts when his father has finally stopped proposing his frankly stupid plan. “You want to kick me out of the apartment?”

Owen makes a face at him like he’s annoyed at TK for not understanding. But given that his father has just told him that he thinks working and living together might be a little too much right now, and he’s not telling him to look for a new firehouse, he’s not sure what the misunderstanding is.

“Don’t say it like that,” Owen has the nerve to roll his eyes while TK bites the inside of his mouth to keep from answering with a childish gesture of his own.

“I just think that working together and living together – it’s been a lot now with my diagnosis, and I think a little separation might be good. This shouldn’t be in your face 24/7.”

TK raises an eyebrow at the wording, ever since he found out about Owen’s cancer, he’s noticed that his dad tries not to use the word around him. It’s like TK is five years old again, and Owen is trying to keep him from learning a swear.

“I thought you said I wasn’t weak,” he questions softly, hating that he sounds hurt. He can tell his father instantly picks up on it by the way his eyes soften even more than usual.

Owen sighs as he gets up from behind his desk, coming to sit on the other side of it next to TK.

“I don’t think you’re weak. I know you’re strong. You have always been strong.”

“You want me to move out because you don’t think I can handle seeing you sick,” TK shoots back at him, that’s the point of this conversation after all.

Owen hesitates as he opens his mouth, sighing once more. He puts out his hand, palms up, letting him decide if he wants to take it or not. TK doesn’t for a moment as hurt and anger swirl inside him. In the end though, he can’t deny his father the comfort he seeks and takes his hand.

“I’m worried,” Owen admits, his eyes finding TK’s, they look tired and troubled. “You have been so on top of everything, researching everything about my cancer, keeping up here at work, making sure I have everything I need at home. You’ve been taking care of me.”

“I’m your kid, dad, it’s my job!” he jumps in, not liking the way his dad’s words don’t feel like a positive. Owen gives him a half-smile that is a little sad at the corners.

“And I thank you for it,” Owen answers, clutching his hand. TK responds with a noise of disbelief.

“I do,” he insists sternly. “But your first priority needs to be yourself, and you haven’t been doing that. You missed your group meetings twice this week and your therapist last week.”

TK lets go of Owen’s hand and starts to pace back and forth in his father’s office. He catches a glimpse of the engine room below; their crew goofs around as they clean the truck. “You’re point, please?”

“My point, Tyler,” Owen starts, causing TK to straighten up, his father calling him by his first name, is always serious. “Is that you’ve been so focused on me that you are neglecting yourself. We work and live together. My illness is in your face at all times. Maybe if we didn’t share so much space for a while, you wouldn’t worry so much.”

TK looks at his father with what he hopes is a disbelieving face. “You think I’ll worry less about you if I’m not home to make sure you’re okay? I think there’s a flaw in your thought process, dad.”

Owen smiles dryly at him, but TK can see, his stomach churning, that his dad has made up his mind about this, and once Owen Strand has made up his mind about something, it might as well be set in stone. “Humor me.”

TK racks his brain, trying to find something he can use to persuade his dad that this is a bad idea. “What about wanting to keep me close to make sure I don’t relapse?” he asks desperately, wincing at the hard look his dad gives him.

“That’s not going to happen,” Owen says firmly. “I believe in you,” he continues, making TK feel like shit for bringing it up. “But since I already found you a place, I know I don’t have to worry about that at all.”

TK’s brow knits together in the middle as he gives his dad a confused look. “You have a place for me?” he questions just as there’s a knock on the door.

Owen smiles again, this time a little smug, filling TK with dread. “Yep, and here he is now,” he says, waving towards the door as Judd Ryder walks into the office.

Well shit.

 ֎֎֎

 “Let me see if I got this straight,” TK finds himself saying for the second time in the last hour. “You think that I should move in with Judd and his wife?”

He looks over at the man in question, finding an equally unimpressed expression on his face, so at least he knows Judd agrees with him on this being ridiculous. Owen has gone over his reasons again, that working and living together puts unnecessary stress on TK.

“He has an apartment above his garage,” his dad informs him as he smiles at the man. “Isn’t that right, Judd?”

Judd sighs deeply but nods all the same. “Yeah, Captain. Grace and I rent it out sometimes. It’s currently tenant free.”

Owen’s smile widens to the point he’s all teeth. “See? Perfect!”

TK nods. “Yeah, perfect, I move out so that I don’t ‘worry’ as much about you because that makes complete sense, and you still get to have a babysitter on me. Real perfect, dad,” he finishes with a bit of a shout, feeling instantly like an ass at the hurt look on his dad’s face.

“I mean,” Judd clears his throat, drawing their attention to him. “He’s got a point.”

TK points victoriously at Judd, looking back at Owen. He lets out a sigh at the serious look on his face.

“You’re not weak,” his father starts, making TK tense up.

His eyes flicker back to Judd, who is looking away to give them as much privacy as he can when he’s still in the room. “That’s not what this is about, but I would be lying if I say that I’m not worried about this negatively affecting you. I wouldn’t forgive myself if this causes you to backtrack.”

TK looks at his father, there’s pain and worry in his eyes, and TK knows that the cancer isn’t what scares his father at all right now.

As always, his worry starts and ends with TK. He wonders for the first time since this conversation started if his dad has been taking care of himself as much as he should, or has his focus been once again TK.

He swallows hard, overwhelmed by his father’s unconditional love – what he didn’t get from his mom, he got in spades from his dad.

“Okay, dad,” he starts quietly, holding his hand up when his father begins to smile. “I’ll agree to this on one condition. I’ll move in with Judd, give us some space. I’ll even focus on myself and go to my meetings. But – “

He points a finger at his dad, making sure he’s listening. “I get to go to all your doctor appointments with you, not just your chemo sessions, and if they say you’re getting worse, I move back, and I take care of you without you being annoying.”

Owen pouts, and TK can’t help but smile for the first time since this conversation started. “I’m not annoying.”

“You’re always annoying, dad,” he laughs as his dad’s pout deepens. He turns towards Judd, raising an eyebrow at him. “How does your wife feel about you bringing a stray home?”

Judd smirks at him, and TK knows he’s going to hate what comes out of his mouth next.

“Oh, no worries man, Grace has always wanted a puppy,” Judd’s smile widens when TK scowls at him. “Now I’m bringing home a golden retriever? Shit, I’m going to earn major husband points with this.”

TK is full-on glaring at the older man when his father lets out a snort, and he turns his ire towards his dad, narrowing his eyes at the innocent smile his dad tries to give him.

He stands up, heading towards the door. “I hate you both,” he declares as he leaves, grinding his teeth as his back is met with laughter.

Assholes.

֎֎֎

 “He called me a golden retriever!”

“I mean, that’s like the best dog breed there is.”

TK pauses in the middle of his rant to shoot Carlos Reyes a dirty look. The police officer doesn’t look the least bit fazed as he bites into his taco. They’re both off shift, eating out of what Carlos claims is the best food truck in Austin. The cop offers him a soft smirk that makes his already handsome face even prettier. It’s fucking distracting when TK is trying to wallow in his pissy mood.

“I was going to put out tonight,” he tells him, getting a raised eyebrow in return. “That comment just ruined your chances.”

“You’re talking about another guy on our date again,” Carlos points out with a serious look on his face, though the way his eyes twinkle with amusement betray him. “The same guy as last time. If anyone is not putting out, it’s me, Tyler Kennedy.”

TK makes a scrunched-up face at his full name and the comment. “That’s an empty threat if I ever heard one,” he scoffs at him.

Carlos gives him a shark-like grin in return. “That’s funny; I was thinking the same thing about your threat.”

TK rolls his eyes at him. “I don’t find you as hot as you think I do,” he lies, feeling his heart tick up at the way Carlos’ eyes darken. TK watches as he licks his lips before rising from his chair to lean over the small outdoor table they’re using, bringing his face close to his.

“Are we just going to lie all night, Ty?” he questions softly, a slow-growing smile on his face when TK is helpless but to stare at Carlos’ full mouth. “Is that what we’re doing?”

“Umm…”

His eyes shut as Carlos’ mouth brushes against his for a second, the slightest touch, before he pulls away and sits back down.

TK can’t help it as he sways forward in his chair chasing after Carlos’ mouth, only to find air. When he opens his eyes, he finds Carlos staring at him with a smug look on his face.

“That’s what I thought,” Carlos says with a tilt of his eyebrows.

TK wants to be mad, but he can’t in the face of Carlos’ playfulness. After their less than stellar beginnings, what they are now – they aren’t putting a label to it yet, but TK looks forward to every second he spends with Carlos more than anything else – is nice and comfortable, while also being exciting in a way that just a look or touch from Carlos has a way of making his heart speed up.

They finish their tacos and jarritos, throwing their garbage away before they wave their goodbyes at the food truck owners. Carlos thanks them for the food in Spanish, a friendly smile on his face before turning back towards him.

“You want to walk for a little bit?” Carlos questions throwing his arm around his shoulders, and TK agrees, slipping his arm around Carlos’ waist. “So, besides the golden retriever comment, how do you feel about this?”

TK stays quiet for a moment, trying to think how to word what he’s feeling. He doesn’t think moving away from his dad is going to serve to distance himself from the situation. Ever since finding out about his father’s cancer, it’s become a constant thought in his head even in the background. He doubts that will change, but he also wants to make things easier for his dad anyway possible, and if this is what it takes, then so be it.

“He’s worried about me,” he says finally. “He’s worried I’ll be so focused on him, I’ll relapse,” he continues softly, swallowing down the lump forming in his throat. “Which is fair, I’ve proven I can’t always handle a stressful situation without reaching for the Oxy.”

Carlos stops in his tracks, they’re in the middle of an active street downtown, and a few people throw them dirty looks, huffing as they go around them, but Carlos ignores them all as he turns to face him. “Do you think you’ll relapse?”

TK looks into Carlos’ kind brown eyes, finding no judgment, just compassion, and patience. It makes the knot behind his ribcage loosen.

“No.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow at him. “No, what?”

TK narrows his eyes at him, but he can’t help the small quirk of his lips. “No, I’m not going to relapse,” he states, not being able to help the smile that grows as Carlos looks at him proudly.

Carlos’ warm hand cups the back of his neck, squeezing it, his fingertips digging into the base of his skull, it makes TK feel instantly relaxed. “That’s right; you’re not. You know it, and I think Captain Strand knows it too. He worries because he’s your dad, TK. Not because he thinks you can’t handle things.”

TK brings up his hands, touching Carlos’ arms in a gentle hold, he hopes Carlos understands it’s his way of saying thank you. The way Carlos’ eyes go even softer makes him think the man gets it.  “That’s what he said,” TK admits. “But he’s still worried, and I’m starting to realize that he’s not focusing on himself while focusing on me, so if this helps – “

“You’re willing to do it,” Carlos finishes for him.

“Yeah,” he says, sighing deeply. “It won’t be so bad, right? It’s not inside Judd’s home, so hopefully, I won’t bother him and his wife too much.”

“I’m sure it will be fine,” Carlos reassures him as they start walking again. He pauses, and out of the corner of his eye, TK can see him lick his lips, his expression hesitant as he continues. TK can feel him tense up under his hand. “And you’re always welcomed at my place if you need an escape,” he turns his head to look at TK, speaking softly. “Anytime you want.”

TK feels his heart stutter; he ducks his face into the crook of Carlos’ neck to not show it. “Thank you,” he whispers, pressing his lips against the underside of Carlos’ jaw.

Carlos pulls him closer; he feels Carlos press a kiss into his hairline. “Anything I can do to help, you let me know.”

 ֎֎֎

 “You have a lot of stuff.”

TK looks up at Carlos from where he’s putting down a box in his new place. The apartment above Judd’s garage is surprisingly big. His first studio apartment in Manhattan was half the size. Texas’ real estate doesn’t stop shocking him.

“I’m not surprised, given all the stuff the Cap has at the station, figures his kid would be high maintenance too,” Judd comments, coming up behind Carlos with another box.

TK rolls his eyes at the older man, earning himself a smirk from the cowboy. Judd had greeted TK and Carlos outside as they drove up with TK’s things, a friendly smile on his face as he started to help Carlos and TK unload.

“You offered to help,” TK points at Carlos with his index finger.

“I’m not complaining, just making an observation,” Carlos answers, closing the space between them. “It’s just more than I expected.”

“I like my things; they make me who I am.”

“And I like who you are,” Carlos says easily, catching TK off guard with his casual sincerity. “So, I like them too.”

TK looks down at his feet, feeling his body go warm. After a moment, he looks back up at Carlos, finding his gaze on him. “Thanks,” he says softly as he sways into Carlos’ space, ready to thank him with more than words when he hears gagging by the window.

He turns his head, finding Judd watching them with an unimpressed look on his face. “Oh no, by all means, continue to moon over each other, I’ll get the rest of the Princess’ things myself,” Judd says sarcastically.

TK opens his mouth to shoot back when a beautiful woman he’s seen with Judd at the bar walks up the stairs. He instantly recognizes her as Judd’s wife, and thinks silently that she’s even prettier up close than what he already thought. Judd really married up.

“Judson Ryder, I hope I didn’t hear you being rude to our new tenant.”

Oh yeah, he likes her, TK thinks, curbing the desire to smirk as Judd starts to try and talk his way out of his wife’s hard stare.

“I was helping,” Judd grumbles, pouting at his wife, the tiniest of smiles on his face when Grace rolls her eyes at him. “Then, they started to get all gooey with each other. I had to put a stop to it before they completely forgot I was even in the room.”

TK feels Carlos shake with silent laughter next to him, when he looks up, he finds the man grinning shamelessly at him.

Grace looks up towards the sky for a second, an amused smile on her face as she looks back at her husband. TK watches in amazement as the big gruff man melts under her gaze. She looks over at Carlos and him, that smile still on her pretty face. “You’ll have to excuse Judd, he’s an emotionally stunted Texan,” she grins when TK can’t help his snort as Judd gives a protesting ‘Baby!’

“He also seems to have forgotten his manners,” Grace continues, stepping further into the apartment. “I’m Grace Ryder.”

“TK Strand,” TK says, extending his hand to her. “Nice to officially meet you, sorry I’m invading your home, but I’ll try to stay out of the way.”

Grace motions his words away with one hand while holding on to his other. “Don’t speak such nonsense; you’re very welcome here. The apartment has a small kitchen, but please feel free to come into the house if you need anything.”

“I’m not much of a cook, but thank you,” TK confesses with a shrug, turning to introduce the man next to him. “This is Carlos.”

“Carlos Reyes, ma’am, nice to meet you,” Carlos takes a step forward, shaking her hand as well. “I’ve heard you on the dispatch calls.”

“Me too, Officer Reyes, nice to put a face to the voice,” Grace smiles at Carlos with a twinkle in her eye as she looks at him. “Especially since it’s such a nice face.”

Carlos gives her a wide grin, though TK spots the hint of a blush high on his cheeks. “Thank you, ma’am.”

“Call me Grace, please,” she tells him, turning back to TK. “That goes for both of you.”

TK smiles as he feels warmth and sincerity from her.

“Are you two done flirting with my wife?” Judd asks with a raised eyebrow when they all look over at him. “Pretty boy still has more boxes to bring in.”

Grace shakes her head, her mouth curving upward. She closes the space between her and Judd, placing her hand on his shoulder she goes to her toes to kiss him. TK watches as Judd melts again, holding her close.

“I’m going to start dinner, how does chili sound?” she questions Judd, making him close his eyes, a smile on his face.

“Like heaven, baby,” he answers, placing a kiss into her curls.

“Okay,” she says softly before looking back at TK and Carlos.

“You’re joining us, TK,” she says, pointing at him when TK opens his mouth to say he doesn’t want to intrude. “That wasn’t a request. It’s your first night here, and I want to get to know you. Carlos, can you join us?”

Carlos shakes his head regrettably. “I have a shift in two hours, so I have to go home soon to change. Raincheck?”

Grace looks at Carlos for a moment before nodding once. “I’m holding you to that.”

She turns back to Judd. “Finish helping and then bring TK into the house,” she tells him as she turns to leave.

“Yes ma’am,” Judd calls out as she leaves them alone.

“Dude,” TK starts, letting out a whistle. “I think I’m in love with your wife.”

Judd shoots him a look that is a cross between annoyed at him for the comment but also proud because, of course, everyone should love his wife.

“Thin ice Strand,” Judd gives him a look that lacks heat before heading back down the stairs for more boxes, leaving TK alone with Carlos.

Carlos slides in behind him, wrapping his arms around TK’s chest. “You know what I think?”

“What?” he asks, leaning back into Carlos’ embrace, he shivers as Carlos presses his nose against the shell of his ear.

“I think it’s going to be hilarious to watch Judd lose it as you charm his wife,” Carlos says, humor coloring his voice.

TK laughs, silently agreeing but putting up a front. “Who says I’m going to charm her? She might end up not liking me.”

Carlos snorts softly, his lips brush against his neck, making TK shiver. “Have you ever not charmed someone, TK?”

TK chuckles again, turning in Carlos’ hold. “Is that your way of saying I’m charming, did I charm you?” he teases, grinning when Carlos lets out a huff.

Carlos cradles his face, tilting it up, his lips hover over TK’s. He tries to move forward to close the hair-thin distance, the desire to kiss Carlos overwhelming.

“I’ve been charmed by you since the moment you sucked at line dancing,” Carlos says softly, his voice so smooth it takes TK a moment to understand the diss.

“Hey –” he starts, only for the rest to get muffled as a grinning Carlos covers his mouth with his. He deepens the kiss, making TK’s toes curl inside his sneakers, and TK figures his comeback can wait.

 ֎֎֎

 They finish bringing the rest of his stuff in, and Carlos leaves after giving him a soft kiss goodbye and a promise they’ll talk later, all under Judd’s watchful eye.

TK turns to his crew member after Carlos has pulled out of the driveway to find Judd looking at him with a smug realizing expression on his face.

“What?” he questions as he follows him into his home.

Judd ignores him, laughing as he crosses the living room and goes to the kitchen with TK hot on his heel. Grace looks up from a pot, raising an eyebrow at them as Judd continues to chuckle, much to TK’s annoyance.

“What’s so funny?” Grace questions as she stirs, a half-smile on her face at Judd’s amusement.

Judd turns towards them from where he’s been digging in the refrigerator, pulling out two bottled waters, throwing one at TK.

“That’s what I’m asking,” he says, opening the offered water. “Your husband has a case of the giggles.”

Grace looks back at Judd. “Judson?”

Judd chuckles again, walking over to his wife. “TK and Reyes,” he starts, he makes a ridiculous kissy-face and lets out a deep sigh.

TK feels his face go hot at the obvious implications. “We’re friends,” he blurts out, he feels his face get hotter when Grace and Judd look over at him unconvinced.

“Oh sweetheart,” Grace starts, giving TK a tenderly amused smile. “I’m sorry, but that dog won’t hunt.”

TK frowns, confused. “I’m not sure what that means.”

Judd gives him a wide smirk. “It’s southern, for you are full of shit.”

TK opens his mouth to protest only to close it again, frowning at himself. He’s not lying, he and Carlos are friends. He likes his crew a lot, but after his dad, Carlos is the person he’s closest to in Austin, or at all these days. He hasn’t kept up with his friends back in New York, between settling into a new firehouse, his recovery, and now his dad’s health problems, those friendships have fallen sideways, especially since a lot of his friends where Alex’s friends too. Carlos is the only one that knows about his struggles, though he’s sure his crew has an inkling since he never drinks when they go out. Judd, who’s closer to his dad and Paul, who never misses a beat, probably have their thoughts. But Carlos knows because TK told him. That evening at the police station, he didn’t have to explain, and yet he did. He couldn’t help but tell him, a part of him hoping that Carlos would understand and that opening up to him would give them another chance after the failed dinner.

He told Carlos because he wants him in his life, he likes spending time with him. The sex is amazing, but just getting a bite to eat, catching up on their day, making Carlos laugh, or getting him to look at him in that way of his, that makes TK feel worthwhile, is more than amazing, it’s extraordinary. And like a true addict, he craves more of it, more of his attention and affection, two things Carlos gives him without hesitation. So, he guesses Grace and Judd have a point in suggesting he’s not being honest in the description of his and Carlos’ relationship.

A hand on his forearm pulls him out of his thoughts, and he finds Grace in front of him, a gentle smile on her face as she holds up a bowl of chili. She doesn’t say anything as she hands it to him, but there’s a look of understanding in her dark eyes that settles the sudden barge of thoughts in his head.

“Let’s eat,” she says, nodding toward the set-up dining room table with her chin. “Not to brag, but I make the best chili in the state.”

“Brag, baby,” Judd says as they walk towards the table, each taking a seat. “It’s heaven in a bowl kid, get ready to see nirvana.”

TK smiles, biting into what is honestly the best tasting chili he’s ever tried. He makes a noise that has Grace giving him a wide pleased grin. He continues eating, speaking when Grace asks him a question, adding to Judd’s stories about work. It’s nice, much more comfortable than he thought it would be, and he feels as he makes Grace laugh while telling her about a call they had the other day, that maybe this living situation won’t be so bad.

 ֎֎֎

 TK lays down in his new room, the phone in his hand tells him it’s after midnight. The rest of dinner had gone well, and he’d spent some time with the Ryders before excusing himself for the night, telling the couple he needed sleep. The only problem now is that he’s in bed and he’s wide awake. Without thinking, he pulls up his messages, typing one out to Carlos before he questions himself.

‘What are you doing? Catch any bad guys?’

He doesn’t have to wait long before he sees the writing bubbles appear.

‘Yes, actually, and as a reward, I get to stay at the station until I finish writing up my report. What are you doing up? Don’t you have an early shift? 7 am, right?’

TK smiles, feeling warm at the fact that Carlos remembers his schedule.

‘Can’t sleep, brain is too loud.’

TK waits for Carlos to answer, startling when his phone starts to ring instead. He picks up the phone on the second ring. “You didn’t have to call,” he protests softly instead of greeting Carlos.

“It’s fine,” Carlos reassures him. “Are you okay?”

“I can’t sleep,” TK mutters, surprised when he feels frustration tears spring up. “Can’t quiet down my brain.”

“What do you need, Ty?” Carlos questions softly, the tone in his voice lets TK know without a doubt, that Carlos will do anything to make it better for him.

“You?” TK answers in a moment of honesty and weakness. He knows if Carlos were here touching him, he would be able to sleep afterward.

Carlos inhales sharply before going quiet, and all TK can hear is shuffling.

“I locked myself in the supply closet,” he says like it’s supposed to make any sense to TK.

“What do you need,” he repeats with intention, and TK gets what he means so suddenly it leaves him breathless as he realizes what Carlos is offering, hardening instantly.

“You,” he says again, this time with a sigh as he settles deeper into his bed, palming himself through his pants.

Carlos makes a soft, considering sound. “And what would you want me to do if I was there right now? Help you out of your clothes?”

“I’m just in bottoms,” TK answers, feeling a shiver as Carlos lets out a pleased hum.

“That makes it easier,” Carlos answers, his voice still smooth and controlled. “I could take them off myself, or have you do it, put on a show for me. Do you want to take them off?”

TK holds the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he kicks off his pants.

“Are you hard, Tyler?” Carlos questions.

“For you?” TK asks, teasing a bit. “Always.”

Carlos laughs softly. “I bet you look good, you always do, but you’re even prettier when you’re hard. Your skin gets all flushed, your cock pink and leaking. You have such a pretty cock baby. I want to get on my knees for you all the time.”

TK makes a whining noise at the picture in his head Carlos’ words make. He grabs hold of his dick and squeezes at the base to keep from coming. This is barely getting started, and he can’t believe Carlos is having phone sex with him while on shift, but he plans on enjoying himself.

“Is that what you want, TK?” Carlos asks softly. “My mouth on you? I like it, fuck, TK, I love it,” Carlos lets out a sound that makes TK’s stomach clench with need. “You taste amazing, the feel of you in my mouth and the sounds you make? I can’t get enough of those sounds. You just beg so pretty.”

“Carlos, please,” TK pleads.

“Yeah,” Carlos sighs. “Just like that.”

TK makes another noise at how Carlos sounds.

“Start touching yourself,” Carlos orders him, and TK is more than happy to listen. “Slowly. Make it last.”

TK does as he’s told, his strokes are soft and slow as he teases himself.

“I like sucking you off,” Carlos picks up the narrative again. “But I love eating you out even more. You always seem so surprised.”

“Not every guy likes doing that,” TK answers, not bothering to mention his ex.

Carlos hears it all the same. “He’s an idiot,” he says quickly before moving on. “I love it. If I were there with you right now, I would suck you just long enough to make you beg, but then I would turn you over, get that hot ass of yours in the air. You’d be shaking, knowing what’s coming as I spread you open. I would make you wait though, just touch my fingertips to your sweet hole.”

TK tightens his hold on his dick when he feels his hole clench at Carlos’ words. He feels empty as it spasms around nothing.

“After playing with you for a bit, I would give you the first soft lick, circling your hole as my finger pressed in the tiniest bit. Would you like that?”

TK makes a desperate noise. Yes, of course, he would like that.

“Use your words baby,” Carlos whispers. “Do you want my tongue?”

“Yes,” TK gets out, trying to take a deep breath, feeling it catch in his lungs. “I want your tongue.”

“I’ll give you whatever you want, TK,” Carlos continues, his voice just as low but rougher, and all TK can picture is Carlos hard in his uniform while his coworkers are on the other side of the door, not knowing that Carlos is taking TK apart with just a few words and promises.

“I’ll give you my tongue, lick you open, suck on your rim until it’s red and puffy, and you’re crying into the mattress, your legs spread for me, begging for more as you push yourself into my mouth seeking to get off. It’s not enough though, is it, Ty? You need more than my tongue teasing you.”

“Yes,” TK gasps, stroking himself harder with one hand, lights starting to go off behind his eyelids as the beginning of his orgasm builds at the base of his spine. He lets his other hand slip behind his balls, pressing against his perineum, making his body shake. His dick shoots off once.  “I need your cock, Carlos. I need it so bad. I need to be full.”

“You’re close,” Carlos whispers, groaning softly into the phone.

“I’m there,” TK let’s out a shaky laugh as his hand moves faster to chase after the high.

“The next time we’re alone, I’m going to do everything I just promised,” Carlos swears hotly. TK’s breath halts in his lungs at how wrecked Carlos sounds. “I’m going to fill you up until all you know is me and my cock.”

TK comes in spurts, moaning loudly as he makes a mess of his chest and stomach. He keeps tugging on himself until he gets the last drop out and lets go of his spent dick.

Everything is quiet for a moment; the silence filled with only their breathing.

“Think you can sleep now?” Carlos questions quietly, and TK lets’ out a tired laugh. He’ll be lucky if he hears his alarm, he’s so relaxed and sleepy now. He tells Carlos, earning a chuckle from him.

“I’m glad,” he says, and TK can hear the smile in his voice. “Now, I’m going to go recite the APD manual to calm down; you go to sleep.”

TK feels something warm spread through him as he hears the fondness in Carlos’ voice. “The next time we’re alone –“

“I’m not letting you out of my bed until I’ve had my fill,” Carlos promises, making TK shiver.

“I’m going to hold you to that,” he whispers back.

“Go to sleep, cariño,” Carlos orders him tenderly before TK ends the call and once again does as he’s told.

 ֎֎֎

 “Hey, look! It’s the roommates!” Marjan calls out as he and Judd walk into the station.

“And they have matching lunch bags, that’s so sweet,” Paul teases as he comes over, pointing at the brown paper bags in their hands. The morning was rushed. After his late call with Carlos, TK had slept like a baby, and like predicted almost slept through his alarm. Luckily, he wasn’t the only one running late since Judd overslept too, neither having time for breakfast. Grace took pity on them and packed them egg sandwiches and some fruit to go.

TK tells them as such, getting a grin from Marjan and Paul in return. “Damn, maybe we should move in with Judd and his wife,” Paul questions, looking over at Marjan who nods back at him.

“No more strays,” Judd declares, smirking in his direction.

TK waits for the comment to annoy him, but it doesn’t come. It’s taken him a while, but he’s starting to understand Judd’s brand of humor, and the sibling-like roles they’ve taken with each other.

If Judd can be the aggravated older brother, TK can play the bratty younger one. “You’re just worried that I’ve only been there one day, and Grace already loves me,” he says, grinning when Judd lets out a huff.

His smile grows when Judd doesn’t answer with anything other than a grumpy ‘whatever.’

“TK charming your wife, Ryder?” Owen asks as he comes over, having overheard their conversation.

“It’s the Strand charm,” TK says to his dad, amused when his father puffs up his chest.

“That’s my boy,” Owen says, grinning widely when Judd shakes his head, muttering about pain in the ass Yankees as he walks away from them.

Marjan and Paul follow him, teasing as they go, leaving TK alone with his dad.

“How was your first night there?” Owen asks quietly. “Okay?”

TK nods quickly, reassuring his dad when he hears the worry in his voice. “Yeah, everything was fine. Grace is very welcoming; she made the most amazing chili, and Judd was his usual gruff self, but you know that’s just the way he is. He’ll take the shirt off his own back if it helps someone. He helped me with my stuff.”

“Sorry I couldn’t be there,” Owen says with an apologetic look. “I had to go over paperwork with Captain Blake.”

TK shrugs, knowing this the day before. “That’s okay, Carlos helped out too.”

He realizes his mistake when Owen raises an eyebrow at him. “Officer Reyes? That was nice of him.”

TK clears his throat, shifting from one foot to another, he hasn’t talked about Carlos with his dad yet, not knowing what to say.

That they hang out? They have sex? That Carlos is the first person he reaches out for when he can’t sleep?

He blushes slightly when he thinks about the night before.

“Well, he’s a nice guy,” TK stutters, feeling like when he was 14, and had his first crush on a boy while his father gave him the same knowing grin he’s giving him now.

“That he is,” Owen answers with a small chuckle as TK’s blush deepens.

“Shut up, dad,” he mutters, walking away to the sound of his dad’s laughter.

 ֎֎֎

 They get called to a three-car accident downtown a little after two. Austin Police is already there, and TK spots Carlos taking statements from a witness. The moment he spots them, Carlos wraps up with the woman to walk over to them.

“Captain,” he greets Owen, his eyes finding TK’s for a moment before he starts to explain the situation. “Green Chevy ran the red light at top speed, t-boning the silver Sedan before getting its rear hit by the truck,” Carlos points. “The truck driver is fine, the idiot in the Chevy seems fine too, Michelle is checking him out. The sedan driver is conscious, but we can’t get her out, a teenager named Lily.”

Owen nods and starts calling out orders after assessing the situation. It doesn’t take them long to pry open the car, the girl inside is awake the whole time but crying.

“My dad is going to be so pissed,” she sobs, letting out a pained groan as they get her out as gently as they can. “It’s his car.”

“Your dad isn’t going to care about the car,” he tells her as they put her on the stretcher where Michelle is waiting to take over. “He can get a new car, not a new you, Lily,” he gives her a kind smile when she gives him a small nod.

He starts to walk back towards the fire truck, picking up some of their equipment.

“Good job,” Carlos says as he falls into step with him.

“You too,” he answers, stopping half-way from the truck to speak to him.

“Did you sleep well?” Carlos asks curiously, the hint of a smile on his face.

TK feels himself go hot, and he knows it has nothing to do with having his safety gear on, or the Austin weather, it has everything to do with the heat he sees in Carlos’ gaze as he looks at him.

“Better than I’ve slept in months,” TK admits, his pulse spiking as Carlos’ eyes darken even further.

Carlos takes a step closer to him, angling his body as he leans in to whisper into TK’s ear. “Think how much better you’ll sleep if you spent the whole night in my bed.”

TK’s breath hitches, they haven’t done that yet, every one of their encounters has ended with TK leaving afterward.

“There’s a saying down here,” Carlos continues in a low voice that makes TK shiver. “Rode hard and put away wet.”

TK swallows hard as he looks at Carlos, wobbling slightly into his space, causing Carlos to smirk.

“I’m going to wear you out,” Carlos promises, his tongue licks at his bottom lip, and all TK can do is follow the movement with his eyes and try not to whimper.

“My shift ends at eight,” he says, not even trying to be coy. He knows what he wants, and right now, it starts and ends with Carlos Reyes.

Carlos gives him a slow grin, his eyes sparkling with joy and promise. “I’ll pick you up at the station.”

 ֎֎֎

 TK is by the mirrors fussing with his hair when Judd comes up next to him, freshly showered like TK.

“Am I driving you home?” Judd asks, looking through his toiletries for his razor. “Grace texted asking if we feel like take-out, said she had a long day.”

“I have plans with Carlos,” TK says as he works in some mousse into his hair. “He’s picking me up in a few.”

Judd makes a noise, and when TK meets his eyes through the mirror, he sees that the older man is grinning to himself.

TK knows he should ignore it, but he’s always been too curious for his own good, sighing at his lack of control, he asks. “What’s with the grin?”

Judd turns to face him, giving him a shrug, the grin still firmly in place. “Nothing, it’s just nice that your friend is coming to pick you up.”

TK rolls his eyes at the clear mocking in Judd’s voice. “Don’t start man, we are friends,” he says, even though he knows there is so much more to it than that, he’s been thinking about Carlos all afternoon, thinking about getting his hands on him. Still, he also realizes that as much as he thinks about having sex with Carlos, he finds himself thinking just as much about the other moments. When they eat and share, when Carlos goes out of his way to make TK feel comfortable, how he’s willing to sacrifice his night to help TK cheer up a friend, or how he’s ready to talk him through a frankly spectacular orgasm just to help TK sleep, even if he doesn’t get off himself.

He likes having sex with Carlos; there is no denying that they’re perfectly compatible in that area, but he also likes all his other moments with him too. He simply just really likes him.

Judd laughs, breaking through his thoughts. “Yeah, kid,” Judd chuckles, he points a finger at him. “Your face right now says just friends, the way you two were looking at each other earlier, with little to no space between you guys, says just friends too.”

TK’s face grows hot, and he finds himself shifting from foot to foot. “You saw that?”

Judd snorts at the question. “We all saw it, kid,” he tells him, smirking when TK shakes his head. He looks around, his eyes lighting up when he spots Paul coming out of the showers.

“Strickland, you saw TK and Reyes earlier after we pulled out that girl from her car?”

“You mean when they were whispering and eye-banging each other?” Paul questions, not missing a beat even as TK turns redder while Judd lets out a shout of victory.

“Ha!” Judd crows.

Paul raises an eyebrow at them. “What’s the big deal? They always look at each other that way.”

Judd grins, looking back at Paul. “And what way is that, Strickland?”

Paul looks from Judd to TK, an amused smirk on his face. “Officer Reyes looks at TK like sunshine comes out of his ass.”

TK brings his hands to his face, it feels like it’s on fire, but he can’t deny the spark of happiness the comment brings him. Paul never misses anything, that’s his thing, so if he’s saying it, there has to be truth to it. Still, he can’t help but feel embarrassed when Paul continues.

“And TK isn’t much better with the moon eyes he gets when the good officer is around,” he finishes, walking away now that he’s said his peace.

“Thank you, Strickland!” Judd calls out before turning back to TK with an expectant look. “You were saying?”

TK opens his mouth before closing it again.

He ends up shrugging. “Fine, I like him, okay?” he says looking at Judd, he’s lost his amusement, now looking back at TK with zero judgment. “I really like him. I just –“

Judd tilts his head, waiting on him to see if he wants to keep talking or stop. When he first met Judd, he’d written him off as just some redneck, rough around the edges and probably not someone who would become his friend. Now, he’s ashamed of his snap judgment. Judd was blunt and harsh, but he was also kind and patient with every single one of them. He’d seen it with the others, and he’s seen it with his dad, but especially with him. Judd said they were brothers, and he meant it.

“You know about my ex,” he questions, getting a nod in return. “That really messed me up, more than anyone here knows,” he hesitates, looking up at him, hoping it’s enough.

Judd gives him another nod. “In your own time kid, it’s your story to tell.”

TK exhales, swallowing around the lump in his throat. His therapist has told him time and time again that part of healing is being able to talk about what he’s been through with others.

“I got addicted to pills years ago, and OD’d,” TK doesn’t look at Judd as he continues, not ready to see the expression on his face. “I got clean and didn’t use again until the night I proposed to Alex, and he told me he had been cheating on me with his trainer. I OD’d again, my dad and our team saved me,” he looks up at Judd now, finding a look of sympathy on his face.

He lets out a surprised sound when Judd pulls him into a bear hold of a hug.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he says quietly, as TK returns the hug. Being an only child and growing up with just his dad after his parents divorced – wife number two wasn’t around for long – TK finds himself clinging to him and the brotherly affection he’s so freely offering.

“Thanks,” he whispers back before pulling away. They’re both quiet for a moment when Judd asks.

“And Carlos?”

TK sighs. “I like him,” he repeats. “I just don’t want to mess him up with my shit.”

“Does he know?” Judd questions, a small smile appearing on his face when TK nods. “And he’s still sticking around,” he says pointedly. “So maybe he doesn’t see it as you messing him up. Paul wasn’t lying when he says Carlos looks at you like you’re something special, it’s obvious.”

TK can’t help but smile at that.

“Which is weird,” Judd continues, his tone and expression turning to tease. “Cause honestly you’re a pain in the ass,” he grins when TK shoots him a dirty look, the heaviness of their moment alleviating. “No accounting for taste, I guess.”

TK scoffs even as he’s not able to stop a laugh from passing his lips; he opens his mouth to answer back when Mateo sticks his head in the room.

“TK?” he says, spotting him. “Officer Reyes is downstairs looking for you.”

TK feels his pulse tick up. He thanks Mateo before he turns back towards the mirror, making sure he looks good.

“You look fine pretty boy,” Judd assures him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Can I give you some advice?”

TK looks at his friend and nods.

“Forgive yourself for the past,” Judd starts, his expression serious. “Once you do that, you’ll open yourself to the future. Be that Carlos or not, from where I’m standing, yours looks pretty bright.”

 ֎֎֎

 “Fuck,” TK lets out a low groan, his hands grasp Carlos’ slick back as he thrusts into him, his strong body covering TK’s as he clings to him, legs wrapped around Carlos’ waist as he takes him higher and higher, his body tightening like a coil ready to spring.

Carlos lays open mouth kisses against the length of TK’s throat, biting down softly. “You feel amazing,” he says hotly against TK’s skin. “I can’t get enough of you. I always want more.”

TK licks at his dry lips as he tries to answer, but at that moment, Carlos gives a snap of his hips, touching a part inside of TK that sets off sparks through his body, and all TK can do is dig his fingers into Carlos’ back as he frantically meets him thrust for thrust. He lets out a whimper when Carlos sneaks a hand between their overheated bodies to wrap his skilled fingers around his cock.

TK can’t help the pleas that fall off his lips as Carlos times his thrust and strokes perfectly, pulling a shouting orgasm out of TK that leaves him shaky and weak as he continues to come. Distantly in his post-orgasm haze, he realizes that Carlos is close himself. His movements aren’t as smooth as before as he grinds himself against TK’s ass, and he can feel him pulsing inside him.

Leaning up, TK presses his mouth against Carlos’ ear. “You feel so good inside me,” he whispers, smiling when he feels Carlos freeze. “I’m so full, just like you promised,” he continues letting out an almost pained whine as Carlos presses himself even further inside TK’s body. “Come, baby,” he whispers, his eyes fluttering as residual bursts of pleasure pass over him. “Come for me.”

Carlos lets out a low groan, shaking as he does what he asks, and TK can’t help but let out a noise of his own from the feeling of Carlos throbbing inside him.

They stay locked in each other until Carlos completely softens and pulls out. TK makes another soft sound, this one of loss. He knows it’s not practical, but if he could have it his way, he would have Carlos inside him forever. He tries not to overthink what wanting that means.

Carlos rolls off him breathing heavily. “Is it just me, or do we just keep getting better at that?”

TK laughs breathlessly, his body shaking not just from amusement, but from the mind-melting orgasm he just finished having. Carlos looks at him, a giddy smile on his face. He leans over, giving TK a soft kiss.

“I’ll be right back,” he says against TK’s mouth, getting up before he can answer.

TK watches him head for the bathroom, admiring the spectacular view that is Carlos’ backside. He closes his eyes as he hears the water run, he’s cozy and sated, and he thinks he can fall asleep right this instant; he’s that satisfied.

A few minutes pass before the bed dips again, but TK doesn’t bother opening his eyes until he feels a warm wet cloth run over his stomach, cleaning him up. TK looks at Carlos, a lump of emotion forming in his chest as Carlos takes his time, moving pass TK’s stomach, going lower. His touch is gentle and light as he cleans TK’s tired cock, and TK can’t help the soft gasp he lets out when Carlos slips the cloth between his cheeks, wiping softly at his entrance.

The care is so loving and tender, and not something TK is used to, that he has to blink back the stinging sensation he feels behind his eyelids.

When Carlos is done, he looks at TK, his expression gentle as he sees that TK is more than a little emotionally compromised. He leans back down, brushing his lips across his. “How about breakfast for dinner?” he asks, kindly not drawing attention to the fact that a tear has slipped down the side of TK’s face. “Pancakes?”

TK clears his throat, a shaky smile on his face. “Banana pancakes?”

Carlos’ smile grows. “I can be convinced,” he teases, standing back up. Crossing over to his dresser, he pulls out a pair of AP sweats. “Here, put these on and meet me in the kitchen.”

TK takes a moment after Carlos has walked away to take a breath and center himself, no doubt Carlos’ intention. He feels a rush of warmth and gratitude for the man. He seems to know precisely when TK needs to pull back for a breather and gives TK the space he needs without complaint or demands.

He walks out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, smiling as he spots Carlos already working on the pancakes, music plays softly throughout the house. He steps up behind Carlos, kissing the back of his neck gently, smiling into the skin when Carlos tips his head back.

“Anything I can do to help?” he asks, poking at Carlos’ side when he chuckles.

“You’ve confessed that you’ve burned water before,” Carlos reminds him, evading his fingers when he pokes him again.

“That was said in secrecy and not to be used against me at a later date,” he pouts against Carlos’ shoulder, biting down on the meat of it.

Carlos lets out a heavy breath, his body letting out a small shudder. “Keep that up, and I’m dragging you back to bed without food.”

“Oh no, not that,” TK teases, laughing hard when Carlos gives him a small shove.

“Go stand over there and try not to be so attractive,” Carlos points towards the counter with a spoon.

“I mean, I can try,” he says, smirking at the man as he hops on the counter, spreading his legs slowly in a way that makes Carlos shoot him a warning look. “But that’s like telling a fish not to swim or a bird not to fly.”

Carlos looks at him, a reluctant smile starting on his face, and TK feels his cheeks hurt as he grins back. He can’t remember the last time he enjoyed bantering with a partner this much. Alex had never really taken to his jokes or teasing personality.

“You think you’re real cute, don’t you,” Carlos asks, that amused smile still on his face as he shakes his head.

“I think you think I’m cute,” TK shoots back.

Carlos’ expression softens. “I do.”

TK feels his eyes widen in amazement at how easy it is for Carlos to just say things like that to him. He lays his heart bare for TK to see. Carlos just seems to want TK to know he cares about him with little to no concern for himself. Remembering what Paul and Judd said earlier about how Carlos looks at him, he can’t help but ask.

“Do you think sunshine comes out of my ass?” he blurts out, cringing even before the words leave his mouth.

Carlos startles, his eyes wide as he lets out a hesitant chuckle. “What?” he asks as he puts down the spoon, turning his body to look at TK head-on.

TK shifts on the counter, his face turning red from his ridiculous question and the intensity of Carlos’ focus on him. “Something Paul said earlier about the way you look at me,” he answers, feeling dumber by the second. “Forget it. It’s so stupid. I’m stupid.”

TK looks down at the floor, shaking his head at himself, amazed at his ability to put his foot in his mouth. He startles when hands slide up his thighs before resting on his waist. Looking up, he finds Carlos standing between his knees, looking at him with that same tender expression he seems to have for TK alone.

“I don’t know if sunshine comes out of your ass,” Carlos starts, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiles warmly at him, and TK can’t help but smile back, letting out a huff of laughter that makes Carlos’ smile grow before his expression turns serious.

“But I do know that being around you is like being out in the sun,” he continues, his hand coming up to cup the back of TK’s neck. “Everything is brighter and warmer when I’m with you.”

TK looks at Carlos, eyes moving over his features, the warmth of his brown eyes, the softness of his smile, the character of his eyebrows, and he finds himself nodding slowly.

“I feel the same way when I’m with you,” he whispers like it’s a secret. In a way it is, this thing between them is so new and precious to him already, it feels like saying it louder will disturb it. “I see colors with you,” he gets out, his heart thundering under his ribcage at the blinding smile his words get in return.

 ֎֎֎

 Judd comes into the weight room, stepping in as his spotter as TK lifts. “You didn’t come home last night.”

“I stayed at Carlos’ apartment,” he gets out as he pushes through the last of his set. He sits up after a moment, thanking Judd when he hands him a towel to dry his face. “He took me home this morning to change and then dropped me off here.”

Judd smiles at him pleased, and TK can’t help but roll his eyes as the Texan radiates smugness. “What?”

Judd continues to grin as he gives him a shrug. “You just called my place home is all.”

TK looks at Judd a moment longer, rolling his eyes again but softer. “You know you come off as this grumpy jackass, but in reality, you’re just a lovable teddy bear.”

Judd narrows his eyes at him, but it doesn’t hide his amusement from TK one bit. “You better not tell anyone.”

“The secret is out big guy,” he says, laughing hard when Judd gives him an unamused look. “We all know.”

“You know, I was going to help you out with something,” Judd answers, all cryptic and annoying. “But now I’m just going to sit back and watch.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” TK questions just as his phone bings with an incoming message. He smiles for a moment when he sees that it’s from Carlos only to lose the smile when he reads the message.

‘Grace called me? Not sure how she got my number, but she asked me if I wanted to have dinner with you guys tonight. I told her I couldn’t agree without running it by you first.’

TK looks up from his phone to find Judd smirking at him knowingly. He glares at the older man, sighing when it does nothing but amuse him some more. “It wouldn’t surprise you to know Grace invited Carlos to dinner at the house tonight, would it?”

Judd’s answer is a wide grin that makes TK shake his head. “How did she even get his number?”

Judd snorts. “She works answering calls all day. Do you really think it’s hard for her to get a phone number?”

TK rolls his eyes at the answer, he waits to feel annoyed by the turn of events, but he can’t deny that he likes the idea of dinner with his friends and Carlos. It feels serious to start bringing him around to the people in his life, but there is something about it that makes him excited, while also fearing that it’s putting Carlos on the spot. He swipes his phone open and types out a quick message.

‘I can get you out of it if you don’t want to have dinner with them. Sorry, she shouldn’t have ambushed you like that, but I think she thought I wouldn’t tell you if she asked me first.’

TK presses send. He doesn’t have to wait long for Carlos’ answering text.

‘I didn’t feel ambushed, I like Grace, and I did promise her a raincheck. It just depends on if you want me there.’

TK licks his lips, his pulse ticking upward as he sends another text. ‘What do you want?’

‘Nope. What do YOU want?’

TK feels a reluctant smile on his face; he can hear Carlos’ patient but gentle teasing through his text. He takes a calming breath before typing honestly.

‘I want you to come to dinner.’

He waits a moment, smiling when he sees Carlos’ answering text.

‘I texted Grace. I’ll see you guys at 8.’

He looks up from his phone at Judd, and he can’t help the smile on his face. “Carlos is coming to dinner.”

 ֎֎֎

 TK walks into the Ryder house, showered and dressed, making a beeline for the kitchen that smells delicious. He finds Grace chopping a carrot as he goes around the counter to her side.

He leans in to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. “You’re a meddler,” he teases as he pops a piece of carrot into his mouth.

“Goal-oriented,” Grace corrects him with a raised eyebrow daring him to say otherwise.

TK raises a brow back at her. “And that goal would be?”

Grace lifts a shoulder as she keeps chopping, smirking as Judd walks into the kitchen. “Dinner with three gorgeous men, of course.”

TK chuckles, watching as Judd’s face goes from pleased to irritated for being called gorgeous but being lumped with him and Carlos.

Turning to TK, he gives him a hard stare. “Stop flirting with my wife, Strand.”

“I’m just over here appreciating beautiful things,” TK raises his hands while Grace grins, looking down at what she’s working on. “And Grace is one of the prettiest things I’ve ever seen.”

Judd opens his mouth, closing it after a moment, saying nothing.

He looks over at Grace sharing a conspiring grin with her. “It’s funny how he wants to tell me off, but he can’t because he knows it’s the truth.”

Judd lets out a huff as he comes around the counter to stand next to Grace, looking over her head to look at him. “I know she’s the most beautiful woman in the world, kid.”

Judd smiles down at his wife, and TK gets the distinct impression that he’s not really in the room anymore as they look at each other lovingly.

“I knew she was the prettiest girl in the world when I saw her across the football field and saw her in rival colors cheering at the top of her lungs as her team hammered mine. I fell ass over tits in love right there.”

Grace smiles amused; she looks at him with a twinkle in her eyes. “Lost the game and then crossed the field to ask me out as the team and my squad stared at this bold redneck.”

TK laughs, charmed by the story and the couple, there is something beautiful about watching them be together, even as it makes something inside him ache. He wants what they have, that level of comfort and affection. He sees the happy smiles on their faces, and he wants that excitement of knowing you’re with who you’re supposed to be.

There’s a knock at the door that pulls him from his thoughts, his heart ticking upward from who it is, and he knows there’s a broad smile on his face by the amused look Grace and Judd give him.

“Go,” Judd jerks his head towards the door. “Don’t keep lover boy waiting.”

TK rolls his eyes out of habit, already heading for the door. He opens it, his breath catching as he takes Carlos in, he’s dressed like the dinner date that wasn’t. Slacks and a dress shirt that fits him like a glove. The two top buttons are opened, and TK wants to rip the rest off just like the last time.

He looks back up at Carlos’ face after checking him out, finding the man grinning at him pleased, aware of what he’s doing to TK no doubt.

“You look good,” he blurts out, earning another smile.

“Thanks,” Carlos answers before stepping closer to TK, brushing his front against his. He’s so close, TK is forced to look up to keep eye contact. “You look good too.”

TK opens his mouth to make a joke but is stopped by Carlos covering his mouth with his. He grabs hold of Carlos’ arms, leaning heavily against him as he gets lost in their kiss. The swipe of Carlos’ tongue against his makes him whimper as he clings to him.

“I know you two fools aren’t making out in my doorway while making us wait for you.”

TK reluctantly pulls his mouth off Carlos’. He turns to find Judd staring at them with a judging look, his eye narrowing when he looks down at Carlos’ hand.

“Those flowers better be for princess here,” he warns Carlos, making TK notice for the first time that Carlos is holding a small bouquet of sunflowers.

He looks back up at him and finds Carlos grinning, causing TK to grin too, his smile turning into a chuckle when Carlos answers that they’re for Grace, and  Judd gives him a sour look.

“Great, another asshole trying to steal my wife,” Judd grumbles as he turns away from them.

TK giggles. “Nice touch,” he says, nodding towards the flowers.

Carlos shrugs. “They’re your friends,” he says like it explains everything. “I want them to like me.”

TK stops.

Carlos’ words and reason sinks in, Judd is like a brother to him, and even though he’s only been living with them a short while, he already adores Grace more than words can say. She’s like the loving big sister he never had.

His crew is important to him. Carlos understanding and wanting to be part of that, warms something inside him.

He takes Carlos’ hand in his, linking their fingers as a silent thank you, the smile Carlos gives him back, feels like you’re welcome.

 ֎֎֎

 “Who do you keep texting?”

TK lifts his eyes from his phone to look across the room at his father. He takes in his half-amused smile and bright eyes. He’s half-way into the day’s chemo round and luckily not looking worse for wear.

“Weren’t you sleeping?” he questions instead of answering, he ignores his phone as it buzzes again.

“I was just resting,” Owen corrects him, he points at TK’s phone with his chin. “Then I opened my eyes and have been watching you for the last fifteen minutes, grinning down at your phone as you text.”

TK can’t help but blush, feeling caught by his father. “Do you want anything to drink? Water? Maybe some ginger ale?” he asks as he stands up to look through the bag he’s taken to bringing with him when his dad has a treatment. He feels himself go hotter when Owen lets out a humorous chuckle.

“Damn, it’s that serious, huh?” Owen teases, his eyes playful as TK huffs and shoots him a look. “The last time you were this evasive, was when you had a crush on that boy in your English class senior year. What was his name? Matt?”

TK rolls his eyes as he sits back down, knowing it’s pointless to ignore his father, he’ll just keep going. “His name was Marcus,” TK answers. “And this is nothing like that.”

Owen’s eyes light up, just as TK realizes he’s made a tactical error by admitting anything.

“So, you’re not staring at your phone like a schoolboy with a crush as you talk to…” Owen trails off, the look on his face daring as he waits to see if TK caves.

“Carlos,” TK admits reluctantly, and if he thought Owen looked pleased before, it’s nothing like the grin he gives TK now.

“Carlos?” he starts, the name said with a pleased tone, the corners of his mouth twitching. “As in Officer Reyes? That Carlos?”

“Have you seen me hanging around any other Carlos?” TK grumbles, feeling distinctly juvenile but unable to stop. “Yes, dad, that Carlos.”

Owen raises his hands in defense. It would mean something if he wasn’t smirking at TK. They both go quiet for a moment when TK’s phone buzzes again.

TK stares at his dad for a moment before giving in to the urge to look down at his phone.

‘Want to hang out after my shift tonight? I miss your face.’

TK huffs softly, staring at the message, unable to help the way the simple text warms him from the inside out.

“There’s that smile again, TK.”

TK finds his dad’s eyes on him, a gentle look on his face, he opens his mouth, pauses, and closes it again.

His first instinct is to deny, but he doesn’t even know what he’s trying to deny anymore. He thinks of the conversations he’s had the last couple of weeks, with Grace, with Judd, Paul’s comments, and finally his moments with Carlos.

How easy it is for Carlos to let TK know he cares about him, never expecting anything in return for his affections. He thinks about how good he feels around Carlos, the bright colors all around him when he’s with him. The smile on his face he can’t hide when he’s with the other man, talking to him, or even just thinking about him. He can’t deny it, and he doesn’t want to anymore, somewhere while he was busy trying to keep this thing between them casual and unimportant, it became utterly vital to his existence.

He’s always been an open book to his father, so he’s not surprised when his father makes a stunned sound, his eyes shining with happiness.

“Oh kiddo,” Owen gives him a tender smile, his eyes a little wet. TK feels his own eyes sting, but he smiles widely as he comes to grips with his realization and the strength of his emotions; they’re overwhelming but incredible.

‘I’m in love with Carlos.’

TK gets up and takes Owen’s hand, giving it a squeeze when his father reaches out for him. “I’m happy for you son.”

“Yeah,” he manages to get out, still in shock by what he’s feeling. “I’m happy too.”

 ֎֎֎

They’ve been called on their third emergency of the day, a fire at a two-story frat house at the local college. They manage to put out the fire, the last licks of it on the far west corner of the house being handled by his dad and Mateo as the rest of them start to make their way through the floors making sure no one is trapped. Paul and Marjan make their way up the stairs while he and Judd search the ground floor.

“Austin Fire and Rescue!” Judd calls out. “Make a noise!”

They push through a door, finding it full of smoke and ruined walls but no victims and move on to the next.

Each room they check is empty to their relief.

“We might get lucky with this one, and no one got hurt,” he comments, as they step softly. The house seems to be fine, but you can never be too sure when it comes to structural damage of a place after a fire.

“Yeah,” Judd agrees, assessing the place. “Looks like everyone got out.”

TK nods, biting down on his lip. He’s been wanting to talk to Judd since the moment of clarity he had with his dad, but he hasn’t found the time. The night before he’d spent it with Carlos, enjoying his company now with the knowledge that he loves him. He’s sure it showed on his face the whole time as they enjoyed their date before making out in Carlos’ car outside the Ryder’s home. Carlos’ soft smiles and even softer kisses made TK feel like the most precious thing in the world, and he had to press his lips harder against Carlos’ to keep from blurting out everything he’s been feeling.

“Can I ask you a completely inappropriate question for what we are currently doing?” TK asks, unable to hold back. They have one more room to check before they’re done with their sweep.

Judd shoots him a wary look over his shoulder, sighing as he goes. “Okay.”

TK sucks his lip into his mouth, trying to figure out how to phrase his question. Finally, he just says what first comes to mind. “When you realized you loved Grace, did you tell her right away?”

Judd comes to a stop, turning to look at him with an incredulous look. “Really, TK, now?”

“Hey, I said it wasn’t time appropriate,” TK defends himself. “I warned you, I wanted to wait, but I’ve been holding it all day, so I’m asking.”

Judd gives him an eye roll, but TK sees the amused upward quirk of his lips. “Finally stopped bullshitting yourself about Reyes, huh?”

“Don’t gloat,” TK whines. “Help me, like a good brother would.”

Judd’s expression softens, even as he gets the last door opened. “You know Grace is too good for me right?”

TK smirks at him, that’s an understatement.  Judd is a great guy, but Grace is perfect, better than all of them combined. “I’ve noticed.”

Judd glares at him as they move into the room, checking the other doors. “I’m trying to help you, brat, so watch it.”

TK makes a ‘shutting up’ motion to appease him. It doesn’t fool either of them, and Judd gives him another look before softening again.

“My point is, Grace is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. So you best believe the second my dumb ass realized I  was in love, I told her. I didn’t wait for a second, because every second not telling her that she’s my whole world is a second wasted,” Judd tells him with a serious look.

They finish the sweep and head back for the hallway.

“So if you are finally ready to admit that you and Carlos aren’t just friends, or casual, or messing around, or whatever other bullshit terms you’ve been using in that head of yours to deny your feelings. Tell him. Tell him and don’t waste a second. We aren’t guaranteed the next one, TK.”

Later, when TK  has time, he will think Judd’s words are prophetic. Right now though, when one second Judd is walking a few feet ahead of him, and the next he’s crumbling to the ground as a large part of the floor above them drops on him, TK doesn’t have time to think.

“Judd!” he screams, coughing as dust and plaster fills the already smoky air.

He rushes to the man’s side, eyeballing the hole above them, making sure nothing else is coming down. He pushes the broken pieces of debris off his friend, finding that he’s out cold with a large gash on his head. “Judd, wake up,” he demands, his pulse spiking with fear when the older man doesn’t move. He gets two fingers under Judd’s coat, pressing them to his neck. He lets out a relieved exhale when he finds a pulse.

He grabs his radio, speaking into it. “Firefighter down. I repeat, firefighter down on the ground floor left corner of the house.”

It takes but a second for his dad’s voice to come through, demanding but calm. “TK? Report.”

“It’s Judd, dad,” TK swallows hard as he sees more blood running from Judd’s wound, fear gripping him again. “Hurry.”

֎֎֎

 There’s a low buzz around him as he stares out the window while he and the rest of the crew wait in the hospital to find out about Judd. No one has tried to approach him since his dad hugged him in support before going to sit with Captain Blake.

He doesn’t turn to face his crew, his emotions are too at the surface right now, and he doesn’t know if he’ll snap in anger or burst into tears if he has to deal with their concerned looks. Judd is the one in the hospital bed, not him, but since the rest of the crew helped him get the older firefighter out of the house, unconscious and unresponsive, they’ve been giving him looks like he’s the one hurt.

The noise behind him picks up, and he vaguely realizes that there are more people in the waiting room with them now, he doesn’t acknowledge them either. He tenses when he feels someone step up behind him, and he finds himself curling his fist. A hand touches him between his shoulder blades, and he spins on his heel, ready to rip whoever is trying to comfort him a new one.

He’s not the one hurt. That’s Judd and Grace, who’s inside with her injured husband, and who had an absolutely heartbreaking look of fear on her face before she ducked into the room with the doctors.

He opens his mouth to shout when he finds those kind brown eyes he loves looking at him with concern.

He doesn’t shout; instead, what comes out is a wounded noise that he would be embarrassed if it were anyone else hearing it. Carlos pulls him into his arms before the sound has completely died out, and TK finds himself clinging to his strong frame as he shakes.

Carlos makes shushing sounds as he cradles the back of his head, rubbing his back, and TK realizes with a burning shame that he’s started to cry without meaning to.

“Shhh, Tyler, sweetheart,” Carlos whispers into his ear, his hold on him unbreakable. “I need you to take a breath for me.”

TK shakes his head because he can’t. Judd is hurt, and if TK hadn’t been distracting him with stupid questions, maybe he wouldn’t be right now.

“My fault,” he gets out, the words choking him.

Carlos pulls back, shaking his head. “It was an accident,” he says sternly because he doesn’t understand. TK loves him, but he doesn’t get it right now. “Accidents happen in our line of work unfortunately.”

TK wants to argue – he opens his mouth to do so, he’s to blame, and Carlos needs to know – when Grace rounds the corner, coming into the waiting room. Everyone who is sitting stands up, taking a step towards her.

“He’s okay,” she says with a trembling smile. “Sitting up and making a fuss about going home.”

Everyone lets out a breath, some even laughing. TK feels his knees go weak with relief. He’s not sure he would be upright without Carlos’ hold on him.

“Can we see him?” Mateo asks eagerly, and Grace smiles.

“Yes,” she says, holding up a hand when everyone starts to move. “But he wants to see TK first.”

All eyes turn to him, making him take a step back into Carlos.

“I –” he stalls.

Grace crosses the room until she’s in front of him. “He said he wants to see his kid brother first, TK.”

TK swallows, his eyes flooding with tears as Grace looks at him earnestly.

“I should have watched out for him better,” he whispers to her, though the room is quiet enough he knows the other’s hear. “It’s my fault.”

Grace raises an eyebrow at him. “I guess now I understand why he said ‘I want to see my dumb kid brother’ when he asked for you.”

TK startles at the insult but doesn’t have time to get offended as Grace pulls him into a hug.

“It’s not your fault,” Grace says as she holds him, and TK finds himself holding her tight right back. “You had his back and got him out.”

“Always,” TK promises her.

Grace pulls out of the hug smiling at him as she cups his cheek. “I know. Now go see him before he scares the nurses with his scowls.”

TK musters up a wane smile for her before turning back to look at Carlos, not surprised when he sees the supportive look on his face. Carlos tugs him back to his side for a moment, pressing a kiss at his temple before giving him an encouraging nudge forward. Grace takes his place next to Carlos, and TK has to smile at the way he immediately pulls her into his arms.

She looks back at him with a smile on her face. “Make him eat his jello.”

 ֎֎֎

 TK pauses at the door of the hospital room. Judd is sitting up, but his eyes are closed. He has a bandage over his left eyebrow, and except for some scrapes on his face, he looks fine.

“Are you going to hover there like some timid mouse, or are you going to come in?” he calls out, cracking one eye open to look at him. “You know we only have at maximum ten minutes before the rest of the crew barges in here right?”

TK cracks a smile, making his way into the room. “That’s being generous, six minutes, max.”

Judd lets out a snort; he nods towards the chair next to his bed for TK to take.

TK sits down, and he fidgets as the silence in the room feels heavy. Finally, he looks up, meeting Judd’s gaze. “I’m sorry, man,” he starts quietly. “I should have been paying attention. I should not have been distracting us with dumb questions that could have waited. I’m so sorry, Judd.”

Judd looks at him for a moment before letting out a sigh. “I hate always being right.”

TK frowns at him, confused by the comment.

“I told Grace to get you in here because I knew your dumb ass would be blaming yourself for this,” Judd explains, holding up his hand when TK opens his mouth to argue. “This was an accident, kid. Shit happens in our line of work; you know that.”

TK licks his lips nervously. “Carlos said the same thing.”

Judd smirks at the mention of the cop. “Obviously, he’s the brains of your relationship. You, pretty boy, can be the looks.”

TK scowls at his friend, holding up one finger. “One, hey. Two, Carlos is beautiful so again, hey, and three, obviously Grace is the beauty and the brains in your relationship, so what do you bring to the table?”

Judd stares at him with narrowed eyes. “You’re a fucking brat.”

TK grins a wide smile, the tension inside finally easing up as he falls into the easy banter he and Judd have. “You want to play know-it-all, big brother, then I’ll play my part, as the annoying little brother. Your wife said for you to eat your jello,” he points at the tray on the other side of the bed.

 ֎֎֎

 They all stay with Judd until the night nurse comes to kick them out. One by one, they say their good-byes until it’s just TK and Judd in the room. Grace, who is staying the night, though Judd wants her to go home, steps out with Carlos.

“She should go home, she’s just going to be uncomfortable here,” Judd sighs tiredly.

TK raises an eyebrow at him. “If Grace was in that bed,” he points. “Would you go home?”

Judd stays quiet for a moment, probably annoyed that he’s using logic on him.

“I’ll tell you what,” he says quickly to appease him. “We’ll come back early with breakfast for both of you and see if we can annoy some doctors into springing you out of here early. Okay?”

“We, huh?” Judd smirks at him. “Which ‘we’ are you talking about, kid? You and the Cap? The crew? Or you and your boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” TK says quickly, swallowing nervously as his body reacts to how badly he wants to be able to call Carlos that.

Judd gives him a superior look, that if he didn’t already have a head injury, TK is pretty sure he would smack him. “Well, then you better have that conversation with him and change that, don’t you think?”

“You’re in a hospital bed, and you’re still trying to give me romantic advice?” TK asks, rolling his eyes, though he can’t help but smile.

Judd gives him a bored shrug. “Stop being so slow and do as I say, and I won’t have to.”

TK rolls his eyes again. “I’m leaving now. I don’t have to take this abuse.”

Judd nods at him. “Good, talking to you gives me a headache anyway,” he says with a grin.

TK shakes his head with a reluctant laugh. He crosses the room and leans down to hug him. He gets a few thumps on the back in return. “I’m glad you’re okay, brother,” he says quietly as he pulls back.

“Thanks to you, kid,” Judd answers, nodding towards the door. “Go, let your boy take you home to get some rest.”

TK says good-bye one more time before he exits. He finds the hallway empty except for Grace and Carlos, who are talking quietly to each other, they turn towards him as his sneakers squeak. Grace goes on her toes to hug Carlos. TK watches as she whispers something into his ear that makes Carlos’ eyes snap to him. He swallows a sound at the turmoil he finds reflecting in them as he looks at him. He hadn’t noticed it before.

Grace pulls out of their hug and crosses over to him. He leans down when she cups his cheek and presses a kiss on the other. “Take care of him,” she says quietly, giving him a soft smile when he nods, his eyes still on Carlos as he fidgets under his gaze.

“I will.”

 ֎֎֎

 The ride home is quiet and tense in a way he hasn’t felt around Carlos since the night he ended up in handcuffs for fighting. He watches from the corner of his eye the hard grip Carlos has on the wheel of his precious Camaro, and all TK wants to do is reach over and take his hand until it loses its stiffness.

Carlos pulls into the driveway and turns off the engine plunging them into more silence without even the radio to fill in the quiet. TK looks over at him, biting down on his lip, not sure what to say. Luckily Carlos helps him out, he turns his head to face him, and TK takes in how worn out he looks.

“Can I – ” Carlos clears his throat, closing his eyes for a moment before looking at TK with such a look that it would knock him over if he were standing. “Can I stay here with you?”

TK bites down on his lip harder to keep the tremble from being visible, relief washes through him at Carlos’ request. He nods and keeps nodding, getting a small half-smile from Carlos in return.

“Thanks.”

They get out of the car, making their way up to his apartment above the garage. Flipping on the lights, TK stays by the top of the stairs as Carlos looks around. He hasn’t been up here since he helped TK move in. Their overnights always happen at Carlos’ apartment.

“It’s nice,” Carlos says, looking around once more before his eyes settle on him.

TK doesn’t say anything; instead, he studies him, his beautiful Carlos, who wears his heart on his sleeve and every emotion on his face. TK reads fear on it now. He knows the expression well, having seen it on his own face plenty of times. He grew up with a father who runs into crumbling towers.

“I’m okay,” he says quietly, knowing he’s hit the nail on the head when Carlos’ eyes widen, and his hand at his side shakes.

“TK –”

“I’m okay,” he repeats, his heart clenching when Carlos makes a noise that sounds close to a sob. “I’m right here.”

“But you almost weren’t!” Carlos shouts, his arms going tight around his waist as he tries to hold himself. “You could have gotten hurt just like Judd, or worse, it could have been you under that caving ceiling. It could have been you in the hospital, and I’m an asshole because I’m just so relieved it wasn’t you. Judd is your friend, your family, and he’s my friend too, and I’m glad he’s in the hospital because at least it’s not you!”

TK’s chest aches as he sees tears in Carlos’ eyes, the frustration and fear even more evident.

“I’m sorry,” Carlos continues, not realizing how his words leave TK feeling breathless. “I’m sorry for thinking that, I’m sorry for laying this at your feet right now especially after the day you’ve had. I should be comforting you, and instead, I’m just spilling my feelings all over you.”

“I didn’t mean to – ” Carlos cuts himself off, his expression pained, and TK knows what he won’t finish, his heart pounding hard under his ribcage at Carlos’ unspoken confession. “I know it’s not what you want,” he ends unhappily.

‘I didn’t mean to fall in love with you.’

TK hears it like a shout even as it’s silent, he takes a breath before letting himself finally say out loud what has been crawling at his throat to get out.

“I love you,” he says, feeling the last broken piece inside his heart mend with the confession. Carlos’ eyes go wide, and his hands fall to his sides.

“What – ” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

TK nods, his eyes are starting to sting, but he’s not sure from which emotion, they’re all a chaotic mess inside him right now.

“I love you,” he repeats. “When Judd got hurt, I was asking him if he told Grace the moment he realized he loved her. That’s what I was distracting him with when the ceiling fell. He told me that a moment not telling the person you love that you love them is a moment wasted. I don’t want to waste a single moment with you, not one second. I love you, Carlos.”

TK watches Carlos move, but he still finds himself gasping when Carlos crushes his mouth to his, his hands holding on to TK’s face, hard and desperate just like the kiss.

“I love you,” Carlos says between their frantic mouths, hands trying to hold on to any part they can. “I love you so fucking much.”

TK half-laughs, half-sobs into the kiss, feeling lighter than he has in years.

Carlos pulls back to look at him, his eyes shining with unshed tears, but there is a smile on his face that takes TK’s breath away. “Tell me again,” he asks softly, the amazement evident on his face, and TK makes himself a promise in that moment to never go a day without telling Carlos how much he loves him. He’ll never again let him doubt his feelings.

“I love you.”

 ֎֎֎

 TK sits on the edge of the bed, knee bouncing while he waits for Carlos to finish up in the bathroom. He tries to get himself to calm down. He and Carlos have been doing this for months; if there’s one part of their relationship they’ve got down, it’s the sleeping together part. This time isn’t any different. 

The thought isn’t even over, and he’s scoffing at himself. Everything is different now, better, and that’s a good thing, even if there’s a part of him that is terrified he’s going to mess it up. 

“Your face right now.”

TK looks up, his breath catching. He’s known Carlos is a good-looking guy since the first time he saw him. Even with the emergency, the baby in the tree, and him feeling pride over his dad, he still noticed Carlos. And then later at the bar, out of his rain gear, in sinfully tight clothes that showed off his beautiful body. TK remembers having a moment of damn and want when Carlos asked him to dance. That feeling has only grown with every moment he’s been privileged to have with him. 

Looking at him now, dressed down to just his boxers, all that beautiful skin on display, TK has that moment again mixed in with ‘I love him, and he loves me.’ 

It leaves him staring, his heart thumping hard under his skin. 

He must be easy to read because Carlos gives him a smile that is equal parts loving and filthy as he walks towards him. He looks up as Carlos towers over him, his eyes fluttering shut when he leans down, cupping his face as he gives him a soft kiss.

He sighs into it as Carlos’ tongue licks it’s way inside, his body lighting up when Carlos responds to the sound by tightening his hold on him, turning the kiss from a gentle touch to something dirtier as he sucks on TK’s tongue. 

Carlos breaks the kiss slowly, his eyes dark and promising, the corner of his lips quirk upward before he sinks to his knees between TK’s legs. Hands on his knees, he slides them up his thighs, tapping TK’s hips for him to lift them. TK leans on his hands and does as Carlos asks, swallowing hard when Carlos pulls down his boxers. He feels himself grow hot as his hard and leaking cock slaps against his stomach.

Carlos smiles at him one more time before he ducks his head down. He presses his face where TK’s thigh and groin meet as he breathes TK in. “I love the way you smell,” Carlos says against his skin, his hot breath making TK shiver. “I love even more how you taste,” he continues right as he gives the meat of TK’s thigh a soft suck that makes TK moan helplessly.

He watches through slit-open eyes, his body tight like a coil as Carlos takes his time, kissing and sucking, biting gently only to smooth the sting out with his tongue. He touches everywhere but where TK wants him the most. He’s harder than he’s ever been in his life, his cock red with beads of pre-come sliding down his length, making a mess as Carlos teases him by getting close but never taking him in his mouth.

“Carlos, please,” he begs when he can’t take it anymore. Carlos looks up at him from where he’s been licking the crease of TK’s groin.

“Yeah, baby?” Carlos asks easily, and it would come off as uninterested if it weren’t for the fact that there is a rosy color high on his cheeks, and his brown eyes are all but black. “You need something?”

TK whines quietly. “Don’t tease.”

Carlos smirks up at him; his lips are cherry-red from the mess he’s been making out of TK’s inner thighs. “Use your words, Tyler.”

TK narrows his eyes at him, lust pumping through him at the game Carlos is playing. He surges forward pulling Carlos into a filthy kiss, he bites at his bottom lip, feeling smug when Carlos groans. Licking his way into his mouth, he mimics everything he wants from Carlos before breaking the kiss. “I want you to suck me,” he says against his lips. He pulls back, leaning back on his hands once more as he tilts his hips towards Carlos. “There, I used my words.”

Carlos grins half-amused, and TK returns the gesture, feeling smug. It only lasts a moment as Carlos leans forward, and with his tongue flat against the underside of TK’s cock, licks up slowly.

“Fuck!” he shouts, falling back on the bed, and he hears Carlos chuckle right before he closes his mouth around the head of his cock as he begins to suck. TK curses again. He grabs on his own hair pulling on it for something to do with his hands as Carlos circles one hand around his base and starts to bob up and down, hollowing his cheeks as he sucks TK in deep.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” TK chants, the tight wet heat of Carlos’ mouth is the most perfect torture TK has ever experienced. It continues for a few minutes as Carlos licks at him, sucks him like it’s what he was made to do.  TK feels his body start to tighten. The edges of an orgasm beginning to get sharp just as Carlos pulls his mouth off him.

“What?” TK asks, downright pouting when Carlos stands up instead of finishing. Carlos gives him a soft lingering kiss, letting TK taste himself on his tongue.

“I want you to fuck me,” Carlos whispers against his lips, the words wreaking havoc to TK’s system. It’s not that they don’t do that, they’re both versatile guys, but it still catches TK by surprise. “Up on the bed baby, lay back.”

TK moans softly, his cock giving a jerk as he starts to get the picture of where this is going. He pushes himself up on the bed, lying down in the middle. He watches as Carlos pulls open his side table, taking out a condom he throws next to TK before he opens a small bottle of lube. TK licks at his dry lips as he watches Carlos coat his own fingers.

Carlos climbs on to the bed, throwing a leg over TK as he straddles him. He flashes him a dirty little grin right before he slips his lube-covered hand behind himself.

“Fuck me,” TK breathes, his mouth open in awe as Carlos’ eyes flutter to a close as he starts to open himself up for TK.

Carlos grins as he starts to move against his fingers, taking them in deeper. “That’s –” he trails off, letting out a low moan as he touches himself, opening his eyes to look down at him. “What you are going to do to me,” he jokes, letting out a breathless laugh when TK groans.

TK looks at Carlos to find that smug grin on his face again. With narrowed eyes, he sits up, careful not to jolt Carlos as he reaches for the discarded bottle of lube.

“What are you doing?” he questions, his breath catching as TK trails his wet fingers over his hip and down the slope of his ass. He slips between his cheeks as he joins Carlos’ fingers.

He smirks at him, his tongue touching the corner of his mouth as his fingers press against the rim of Carlos’ opening before he slips one digit in next to Carlos’ two. “I’m helping.”

“Dios mio,” Carlos chokes out, his body arching when TK finds and presses the small bundle of nerves he’s seeking out.

TK watches in awe as Carlos twists and bends as he rides their fingers, he doesn’t think he’s seen anything more beautiful.

“You look amazing like this,” he whispers, leaning in to lick at Carlos’ collarbone. “You’re perfect.”

Carlos moans softly, pulling his hand out, he grabs hold of TK’s shoulders, he pushes his ass against TK’s fingers for a moment before he uses his grip on TK to shove him back on the bed.

TK lays there watching Carlos with wide eyes as the man grabs the condom next to them, rolling it on to TK’s hard cock. He gives TK a couple of pumps of his hand that leaves TK panting before he slides up, and with one hand on TK’s cock presses it to his opening before sliding down slowly and smoothly.

The tight heat of Carlos’ body around him leaves TK gasping, his head thrown back as Carlos sets his pace with controlled lifts of his body before he presses down again, taking TK as deep as he can, grinding himself to the hilt.

“You feel so good inside me,” Carlos moans. His body is all flushed and hot as he rises and falls. TK watches mesmerized by the sight Carlos makes as he uses him for his pleasure. “I’m so full.”

TK groans at the words and the feel of being inside Carlos, he all but sobs as he clenches around him. His hands go to Carlos hips as he plants his feet on the bed for leverage, snapping his hips upward, pulling a choked moan out of Carlos when he does it again, meeting him for each thrust.

“Yes, baby, keep going,” Carlos groans falling forward. He kisses TK, all tongue and teeth as they wrapped their arms around each other. Their moves take a frantic turn, as Carlos rubs himself against TK’s body, his cock between them leaving a wet trail on TK’s stomach. “I’m going to come,” he pants, his face tucked into TK’s shoulder. “Don’t stop, baby, please.”

TK holds onto Carlos’ ass, spreading his cheeks as he pushes his cock into Carlos harder and faster, his orgasm is fast approaching, he can feel it build, and his body tightens with the need to release, but Carlos is shaking in his arms, and the noises he’s making are the hottest TK’s ever heard. He’s going to make him come first if it’s the last thing he does.

He lifts his head to kiss the side of Carlos’ face. “Come for me, sweetheart,” he whispers against Carlos’ ear, getting a soft whine in return. “I want to feel that tight squeeze around me as you come.”

Carlos shudders once, his body locking before he lets a long drawn out moan, and comes between them. Just like he wanted, TK feels the squeeze of Carlos’ body as he spasms around his dick. Snapping his hips upward three more times, TK follows him, spots appearing behind his eyelids as he comes.

They lay there intertwined, catching their breath, Carlos’ body is heavy on him but comforting. Once he’s softened, he slips out of Carlos’ body and runs his hands up and down Carlos’ sweaty back to soothe him as his body lets out a few last tremors. Carlos is pliable like this, and with his arms still around him, it’s easy for TK to roll them over.

He gets up on shaky legs, telling Carlos he’ll be right back when he makes a questioning sound. Getting rid of the used condom and cleaning himself up, he comes back with a wet cloth. He gently cleans up a sleepy Carlos the way he did for TK a few days ago.

“Mmm,” Carlos mumbles, there is a soft smile on his face as he looks up at him through half-opened eyes. “Thank you.”

TK smiles back at him, leaning down to give him a gentle kiss. He lets out a shout, laughing when Carlos uses the moment to pull him into bed. He giggles helplessly as Carlos moves him where he wants, and TK finds himself with an arm full of a beautiful, incredible, hopelessly in love with; Carlos Reyes.

“Cuddle time?” he teases as his fingers find their way to Carlos’ hair, his fingertips softly scratching at his scalp. He turns his head, grinning as he presses a kiss on Carlos forehead when he all but purrs under his touch.

“Mmhmm.”

TK chuckles softly, pulling Carlos closer, and he’s starting to fall asleep when he hears him.

“Tell me again?” Carlos asks softly. TK can hear the smile in his voice, finding it on Carlos’ face when he tips his chin up to look into his eyes.

There is so much love in Carlos’ gaze, the way his expression softens tells TK, Carlos is seeing the same love reflected back at him.

Touching the corner of Carlos mouth, he leans down to press his forehead against his. “I love you, Carlos.”

 ֎֎֎

 Two Weeks Later

 “You’re doing it wrong.”

“I know how to use my own grill, Strickland.”

TK leans against his boyfriend, grinning as he watches Judd and Paul argue over how best to cook the chicken on the grill in the backyard of the Ryder’s house. He hides his face in Carlos’ shoulder when his snicker makes both men look over at him with a glare.

“Something to add, Strand?” Paul questions him with a raised eyebrow.

TK shakes his head, still grinning as he rests his head on Carlos, his arms relaxed around the cop’s waist. “Nope, just enjoying the show,” he shoots back, his smile growing when he feels Carlos shake with silent laughter.

Judd narrows his eyes at them. “Pretty boy is all smug over there because he’s in love,” he smirks at him as he continues. “Like he wasn’t the last to realize the truth while the rest of us knew from the beginning that he was ass over tits for Reyes.”

TK feels himself blush as Carlos’ silent laughter turns into a loud snort. He looks up at Carlos with a glare. “Who’s side are you on?” he pouts at him.

Carlos smiles softly at him, closing the small space between them to give him a soft press of his lips. “Yours, of course,” he whispers, his hand tilts TK’s chin to give him another peck. “Always.”

TK sighs into the kiss; he lifts his hand to touch Carlos’ neck. Their lips part, but TK doesn’t break away. Instead, he holds Carlos close, smiling as he rubs his nose against his.

“Gross,” Marjan calls out as she makes her way over to them with Mateo a step behind her. “Is this what an in love TK is like, all mushy?” she mocks with a teasing grin on her pretty face.

Mateo laughs at him, and he isn’t the only one, Paul and Judd also grin in his direction. When he looks back at Carlos, he finds his face carefully blank, but the twinkle in his eyes give him away.

He pulls himself out of his hold and crosses his arms. “I’m going inside to help Grace with the sides,” he declares, taking a step back, he mock-glares at all of them as their grins grow. “I like her more than any of you anyway.”

He turns away from them, grinning as he makes his way up the house while they shout they love him to his back.

He walks into the house to find Grace and his dad at the kitchen counter. His dad cuts veggies while Grace works on a dip.

“Hey dad,” he greets him as he sneaks a piece of celery, giving Grace a boyish grin when she shoots him a warning look. “When did you get here?”

Owen smiles at him as he continues to chop. “A little while ago,” he answers. “Came in through the front and stayed to help Grace. It sounds like you guys are having fun out there.”

“Yeah, fun teasing me,” he grumbles, rolling his eyes when Owen and Grace shoot him a look. “I came to hide in here with Grace because she’s my favorite, so don’t you two start too.”

Owen and Grace grin at him for a moment before Grace moves towards him, leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. “I love you too, TK.”

TK beams down at her, pulling her close. “My Favorite.”

“How quickly I’m replaced,” Owen says sadly.

“You dramatic city boys,” Grace shakes her head, her dimples popping as she smiles. She takes the finished dip and the tray of veggies Owen has ready. “I’m going to take this outside to tie them over.”

“I can help,” TK reaches for the tray only for Grace to pull it away.

“No,” she starts, she shoots a look in his dad’s direction before looking back at him. “You two stay and talk.”

TK frowns at the purpose behind her words as he watches her walk out of the kitchen, leaving him and his dad alone.

He turns to his father, noticing a paper in his hand. “What’s up?”

Owen looks at him, pensive, his expression giving away nothing. “I saw my doctor today.”

TK goes still at the words, fear, and frustration seizing him. He focuses on the anger instead of the fear. “I thought we made a deal,” he starts, taking a breath to keep from shouting. “I moved in here with Judd and Grace. Just like you wanted, and I go to every doctor’s appointment and chemo.”

“TK –”

“Every last one, dad!” TK continues, not letting Owen interrupt him when he’s wrong. “Not the ones you pick and choose to ‘protect me,’ we had a deal damn it!”

Owen holds up his hands. “I know, I know, I’m sorry,” he rushes, trying to calm him down.

TK presses his lips together, his arms crossed, anger vibrating inside him.

Owen lets out a deep sigh, leaning back on the counter. “I’m sorry,” he says again, this time slower. “You’re right, we had a deal, and I broke it.”

Owen looks at him, his blue-green eyes full of anguish. “I get scared TK,” his voice barely above a whisper. TK lets his arms drop as he hears the pain in his dad’s voice. “When I allow myself to think about it, I get so damn scared that I’m not going to beat this, and when that gets into my head, it’s all I can think about. If you come with me, you’ll see it. You’ll see that I’m terrified.”

TK’s eyes sting as he holds back the tears, and he sees his dad is doing the same.

“I’m your dad, TK,” Owen says with a watery smile. “I’m supposed to be strong for you.”

TK shakes his head, the tears slipping down his cheek. “Not with this, dad,” he says quietly but firmly. “We’re a team. It’s been you and me for so long; you have to let me be there for you, please.”

Owen nods, sniffing as he runs the back of his hand under his nose. “You’re right,” he gives TK another shaky smile. “Of course you’re right, I’m sorry.”

TK crosses the space between them, pulling his dad into a hug. “No more hiding things okay?” he askes into his dad’s shoulder. “We do this together.”

He feels his dad bob his head as he holds him tight.

When he pulls back, he finds Owen smiling brightly at him. He gives him the piece of paper, and TK frowns as he looks at a picture of two sets of lung x-rays. “What does it mean?” he asks tentatively, his worry easing slightly when Owen beams at him.

“This one is from when we first got to Austin,” Owen points at the left scan that shows a mass. “This one is now,” he points to the right where the mass is considerably smaller. “It’s shrinking, TK.”

TK lets out a stuttered breath, licking his lips as he looks at the scans through another fresh round of tears. “You’re getting better,” he whispers.

Owen swallows as he gives him a fatherly look. “Yeah.”

Letting out a small cry, he hugs his dad again as his body shakes. They hold on to each other, fear, and relief mixing in both of them. In the distance, TK hears the team outside talking and laughing. Pulling back again, he wipes under his eyes, smiling when his dad claps the back of his neck.

“I get why you wanted me here,” he starts. Owen waits silently for him to continue. “You wanted me to have a support system. For so long, it’s been you and me. We had our crew back in New York, but it was still always you and me. You wanted to give me more, that’s why you wanted me to move in here with Judd and Grace.”

Owen gives him a soft nod, his shoulders relaxing as he understands.

“You were right,” he continues, he grins as he hears Judd shouting something in the back, followed by roaring laughter. “I needed this. I needed them.”

Owen smiles softly. He opens his mouth to say something, but TK holds up a hand to stop him.

“But that doesn’t let you off the hook,” he tells his dad, his lips quirking upward. “You still have to stick around for a long time, so you need to keep kicking cancer’s ass. Deal?”

Owen chuckles as he shakes his head. “Deal, son.”

TK smiles, throwing his arm over his dad’s shoulder. “Come on; let’s go join them before they leave us without food.”

Owen laughs again as they walk towards the back. They get to the back door and stand there together as they watch their crew mingling around the yard. TK’s seeks Carlos out, not surprised to find his eyes already on him. He smiles softly at him when Carlos gives him a questioning look, tinted with concern.

“That smile is back,” Owen says at his side as he watches him. TK shifts his gaze from Carlos to look at his dad. “I’m so happy you’re happy, kiddo,” Owen echos his words from their last visit to the clinic.

“I’m in love,” he says easily, earning a small chuckle from his dad.

“Yeah,” Owen says, laughing. “That much is clear.”

TK looks over at Carlos again; he’s crossing the distance of the backyard to get to them. He holds out his hand to him, interlocking his fingers with his when Carlos reaches them.

“Everything okay?” he questions gently as he spots TK’s red-rimmed eyes.

TK nods yes, just as Owen shakes his head, making them look over at him with concern.

“Actually,” Owen starts, staring at Carlos with a raised eyebrow. “I recently found out that my son’s boyfriend had dinner with Judd and Grace before having dinner with me. This is obviously a mistake that needs to be corrected immediately.”

TK rolls his eyes, his shoulders relaxing. He lets go of Carlos’ hand to slip his arm around his waist, surprised to find him tense. He watches as Carlos stares at his dad with wide-eyes, and looks back at his dad, shaking his head as the man smirks in their direction. “Cool it with the dramatics before you freak Carlos out. He’s not used to your dad humor yet.”

Owen’s smile softens as he watches them. “He’ll have plenty of time to do so.”

TK looks from his dad to Carlos, silently agreeing, there’s plenty of time. Now that TK has him, Carlos isn’t going anywhere, and neither is his dad if he has anything to say about it.

“I’m off next Thursday evening, Captain,” Carlos offers, remembering that TK has three days off starting that day.

“Great!” Owen says happily. “We’re off too, Thai food or pizza?”

TK throws his head back, letting out a groaning laugh. Carlos coughs, trying to hide a smile of his own, he gives TK’s hip a squeeze in their shared amusement.

“Or I can cook?” he offers shyly. “I’m a decent cook.”

TK glares at him before turning to his dad. “Don’t listen to him, dad, he’s not decent, he’s a fantastic cook.”

Carlos blushes at the compliment, his eyes shining as he looks at him. “You’re biased.”

“You’re amazing,” TK pokes him in the chest. “Deal with it.”

Carlos pulls him closer, and TK is ready to get lost in his eyes when Owen clears his throat. They look over at him, finding a smirk on his face as he looks at them.

“You’ve twisted my arm,” he jokes. He nods towards the crew who have started lining up for food. “Now, if you excuse me, I’m going to use my Captain hat to cut the line.”

He cups TK’s shoulder, giving it a pat before walking away.

Carlos turns to him, his hands on TK’s waist, while TK lets his hands rest on his shoulders. “You sure everything’s okay?”

TK turns his head to look out at his family. He smiles as his dad tries to sneak in behind Marjan and Michelle for food. Paul, Mateo, Nancy, and Tim are talking and eating together at the table, while Judd has an arm around Grace; she grins up at him as he whispers something in her ear.

He looks back at Carlos; he’s watching TK with a loving look in his eyes that TK is never going to get enough off. He tugs him forward, and Carlos goes easily, his lips covering TK’s. He sighs into the kiss, lost in the feeling until he hears loud heckling.

Pulling back from the kiss, he laughs as their friends continue to tease them. There’s a gorgeous blush on Carlos’ face along with a beautiful happy grin.

TK loves him, and every other person here, what’s even more amazing is that they all love him right back.

He looks at Carlos and with a happiness that warms him to the tip of his toes, he says, “I’ve never been better.”

 THE END

[lonestarpost]

Episode Review - 2100 Degrees

by @lonestarbabe

9-1-1 Lone Star’s second episode of its second season, 2100°,  presents viewers an unfathomable disaster. A highly-promoed volcanic incident gives the original 9-1-1 a serious competitor in its bid for the most outlandish emergency scenario to ever be imagined. Funnily enough, the outrageousness allows the show to combine offbeat humor and character development that culminate in utter heartbreak. While the insane 9-1-1 calls may be the flashy attention-grabbers of the show, it is the character dynamics that make the show most compelling and allow the audience to suspend their disbelief and become invested in the lives of the characters. Thus, the episodes that align their attention around the characters’ lives rather than the emergencies are the most endearing. 2100° puts the characters front and center and allows the emergencies to reflect the concerns and insecurities of the characters, and it wonderfully shows the forged togetherness of the 126 and everyone in their periphery.

The episode begins with a pool party that inherently feels more dangerous in a COVID-19 world, even before the party turns into a flesh-melting horror show commences. The pool becomes the first volcanic hot spot viewers see, and the irresponsible partygoers start to live out their worst volcanic nightmares. The next scene cuts to eight hours before the party. The 126 is having a party of their own to celebrate Owen being in remission from his cancer. The event is made comical with a tumor cake that T.K. had gotten made to look like scans of Owen’s tumor. It’s no doubt an ugly cake, inscribed with the words “Tumor Slayer,” but the gesture shows how the 126 has built a family and how they have become even closer since we saw them meet way back in season 1. Cheesy tumor jokes are shared in jubilance, but there’s undeniable darkness that still looms. Owen sets the tone of the episode when he says, “I am both repulsed and moved.”

Hints of what is to come in future episodes are shown through casual moments. Carlos not-so-artfully dodges T.K.’s inquiry about meeting Carlos’ parents, Tommy sits alone and shows the insecurities she has about coming back to the job, and Owen broods rather than enjoying the party. Gwyneth tries to get Owen to not bottle things up (referring likely to their past relationship issues). Things are looking up, but there’s still a sense of unease that follows viewers into the next scene, which features a young family. They’re having a fun day at Paradise Family Fun Center. The dad seems to be in good spirits as he plays mini-golf, but his wife mentions that he is tense. Just like Owen, he is bottling his feelings up. He’s set over the edge when he misses the shot for mini golf, and it’s revealed that the family is “officially broke.” As the husband boils over, his wife is understanding. You can see the tension drop from the husband’s shoulder, but before the moment can get too comfortable, in true Lone Star fashion, the man falls into a steamy pit. This scene furthers the sense of urgency that suggests the 126 shouldn’t get too comfortable— the world is too unpredictable for comfort.

The 126 rescues the man with Marjan diving into action without waiting a beat, and while tending to the family, Tim makes a dangerous promise to a child that “Nobody is going to die today.” The minute the words are out of his mouth, it’s clear he’s said the wrong thing. Tommy scolds him about it, telling him that he wanted to make himself feel better by reassuring the child, but just scenes later, she makes similar promises to her eight-year-old twins. She feels guilty, knowing it’s never good to make promises that she can’t guarantee. She’s self-aware of her actions, and the guilt begins to spike. She is doubting her role as a leader, and she wonders if she can balance her work and family life, which is a reoccurring theme for the new character. Gina Torres excellently shows the conflict the character faces in a way that feels subtle but poignant.

Grace gets one of her few moments in the episode when a young woman named Lily is stuck in a comedically named food truck called Guac and Roll that sells vegan Tex-Mex. She is surrounded by both scorpions and lava. Yikes! Grace thinks quickly, and she’s an expert at keeping a reassuring voice as she goes through options until she finds one that works. Grace sounds so in control that it would be easy to lose track of how smartly she manages emergencies. Grace helps Lily create a dressing concoction to get the scorpions to scramble until Carlos comes and escorts Lily out.  Seeing Carlos, however briefly, always makes a scene better, and he and Grace make a pretty great team.

Back at the pool, nice girl, Elise, has badly burned herself by trying to save a jerk, who had mocked Elise for her looks, saying that she is a “Waco four.” A nicer young man, who pines for Elise, is hit by volcanic debris, which draws the attention of Tommy and Nancy. Elise and the young man are taken to safety, but the chaos only increases for the 126. Tim tends to a young man, Spence, and despite Spence’s pleading for reassurance, Tim refuses to promise that Spence will be okay, learning from his past mistakes. Unfortunately, it is at this time his words come back to haunt him. The words “Nobody’s dying today,” feel especially ominous as the volcanic debris strikes Tim and kills him right there and then. The show doesn’t take the time to even try to save him, which makes his death blink and you miss it. The speed of the tragedy shows how quickly life can take a turn for the worse, and it adds to the helpless feelings the 126 collectively has in the following scenes because they were powerless to save Tim, but they still regret that they hadn’t found a way to save him.

The final quarter of the show is fittingly dedicated to the initial grief that the team is feeling. They are despondent, and Nancy especially expresses guilt over leaving Tim. They had no choice but to leave him, and Judd’s words, “There was nothing left to work on, Nancy,” feel like a big, volcanic boulder through the viewers’ hearts. The small gestures between the 126 show the skill of the actors and the closeness of the team.  Marjan grounds T.K. with a hand on his shoulder. Judd passes Marjan a pillow after clutching it himself (just as he did when he clutched the pillow in therapy back in episode 2). Judd, incredibly familiar with the pain of losing members of his team, is a voice of reassurance and strength in the ending scenes, and this shows how much he has grown. He tells Tommy that she has added to her family, which reiterates the idea that while they have all lost so much, the 126 is still family. Prompted by Judd’s words, Tommy apologizes to Nancy for her loss, and then changes her words to say, “our loss.” You can feel in this moment, as she comforts Nancy, that Tommy is becoming more integrated into the group whereas before these episodes she only really knew Judd and Grace.

The final moments show how each of the 126 and their family members are coping with the loss. The song Hallelujah makes the scene even more heartbreaking and the startling beauty and horror of the falling ashes sets the tone of the montage. You can feel the grief of each of the characters, but there are moments of intimacy and love between the intense sorrow (and these connections make these final moments all the more painful for the viewers). These moments are some of the best images in the entire show, and they evoke so many feelings without having to overact the grief that the characters are feeling. These moments feel resigned, and the helplessness they all face is tangible. All they can do is search for the parts of their life that give them meaning and reprieve from their feelings of loss.

In these moments, Owen pets Buttercup and talks to Gwyneth about what has happened. He sits outside, after just recovering from lung cancer, and breathes in volcanic ash as he drinks tequila in a way that feels unhealthy. His survivor’s guilt from 9/11 is still strong, showing that loss doesn’t just go away over time. Marjan and Paul are together, and Marjan tearfully boxes with Paul. Mateo goes on a lone run, and you can imagine the dialogue that’s going on in his head— the pained thought that he is always in trouble. The guilt that naturally comes with such thoughts is probably intense. He runs to a church, halting in front of it as the song starts to reach its crescendo. He’s looking for meaning, and it is no coincidence that he is the one character who has no companionship in those moments. Tommy, meanwhile, tends to Buster, Tim’s kitty, who she has brought into her own family. The moment shows immense progress for Tommy, and it only took her one episode to make such large strides.

In one of the most powerful moments of the episode, we see T.K. entering Carlos’ apartment. He climbs up the stairs before falling into Carlos’ waiting arms; this instant is a glimpse of the intimacy that viewers have been wanting to see between the characters. It is a brief but painful moment. Echoing the scene between Carlos and T.K., Judd goes home to Grace, who is waiting in bed; she is still awake and pulls Judd closer. They have each other, and that is a small comfort. Judd’s face is filled with all the memories and sorrow that he has gone through in such a short time. He doesn’t close his eyes. It will be a sleepless night for everyone.

The episode was beautifully paced, and it showed the bond between the team. It emphasized relationships between characters over plots, and the balance between the characters felt more balanced. 9-1-1 Lone Star is making good progress with its characters and learning how to balance the large cast of characters. Nevertheless, the show still has work to do to make sure that the diverse characters are not objectified or ignored. Too often, characters like Grace and Carlos are used merely as puppets in other characters’ stories. For example, while Carlos was expertly played by Rafael Silva in this episode, his appearances were brief, and when he did appear, he furthered other people’s storylines, particularly T.K’s.  The future for these often neglected characters looks promising, however, and the show will make great improvements if they learn to incorporate all the core characters better. 2100° shows both the progress that 9-1-1 Lone Star needs to make, but it also

[lonestarbabe]

The season isn’t over yet and we have had good moments so far- I really loved the crossover episode and how the characters on both shows were portrayed, I love that Grace and Judd get more screen time and I loved the episode where Carlos was vulnerable and shared another side of himself with TK, and a little more Marjan moments sprinkled in. There’s some progress I do see being made I can’t even lie like it’s not all annoying storylines. But there is some stuff about the new season that just annoys me so much - the Owen taking up screen time for other people, lack of Carlos (even when he’s doing his job he’s there for like a minute??), Owen & Gwyn basically ignoring TK all season so far like it just doesn’t make sense and it’s irritating as hell. The writers are learning because we do have some good moments that I mentioned above but they don’t seem to realize that most of us don’t give a shit about Owen like that- I know it’s all oooh rob lowe he has sooo much influence over lone star but i don’t care lmao make Owen interesting and I probably would complain less. Focus on his survivors guilt and the cancer and I would honestly stfu. Gwyn’s character was wasted because she’s just a prop for Owen’s development. I’m eager to see for s3 how much the lone star writers learn from this season to do better for next season

Yeah, there have been a lot of great moments! It just takes weeding through a lot of Owen to get them. I’ve greatly enjoyed all the episodes despite their flaws, so I’m not upset about where the season has been going. I just want the show to do more becuase I know it has so much potential that I’m dyiiinngg for it to reach. It’s always upsetting when the characters you want to see on screen are not featured all that much, so it takes a lot of deep breaths sometimes to keep calm lol. The writers do focus on all the wrong things with Owen. Like go back to season 1 Owen and work on the issues he has from 9/11 and go from there. And let Gwyn be developed. I’m excited to see what they’ll do in the next few episodes, and I’m trying not to get too caught up in the negatives just for my own sanity haha.

[evanbuckley-heartofgold]

HIIII!! I really enjoyed your latest fic and was wondering if you could write something with hurt/sick Owen and worried/protective TK? Thanks for sharing your writing 💚

Okay you have no idea how much of a rough day I was having and this made it so much better, thank you so much!

TK doesn’t know how many hours he spends in that hospital chair. His back hurts and his legs are numb, but TK can’t seem to move. The only times he leaves the hospital room are because he is forced by Carlos, Marjan, or Judd. They make him change his clothes, take a shower, get some food, and lie down, but to TK it seems like they’re just moving his body for him. 

In his head, TK is still at the call. They pulled the last person out of the fire and now they’re evacuating. As they’re about to run out the door, TK hears a cracking sound from above him. Before he knows it, his dad shoves him out of the way of the falling debris and out of the building. He feels himself scream for his dad over and over again as the bricks and metal come down straight on top of him. He feels Judd’s arms wrap around him as he pulls him away from the scene, dragging him towards the ambulance. 

TK isn’t used to his dad being hurt. Even as a firefighter Owen rarely gets hurt and when he does it’s almost never bad enough to warrant a trip to the hospital. But now here he is, waiting for his dad to wake up and TK has never been more scared in his entire life. Is this what Owen feels every time he winds up in the hospital? Because if it is, he owes his dad a sincere apology.

TK sits at his father’s bedside holding his hand, just like his dad did for him after he was shot. Owen is gaunt and sickly pale, looking so different than his normal self against the stark white hospital sheets. If it wasn’t for the beeping machines, Owen looks dead, Tk thinks morbidly. 

There’s a white bandage over Owen’s head where a brick clipped his forehead, a cast on his arm, and most terrifyingly of all, white bandages around his right shoulder, eerily mirroring TK’s bullet wound. 

On TK’s fourth day in the hospital room, he’s by himself, for now at least. The rest of the 126 and Carlos are frequent visitors, but TK is alone right now. All of a sudden Owen groans in his sleep. TK is alert, watching his dad for any signs of waking up. His eyelids flutter once then twice and Owen is awake. 

“Dad,” TK gasps, tears building in his eyes. 

“TK,” Owen’s voice is weak. He tips his head to the right to see where his son is sitting. “You look like shit,” Owen remarks. 

TK laughs, “You’re one to talk.” 

“Come here.”

TK shakes his head, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’ll be fine,” Owen promises as he opens his arms. TK tentatively sits on the edge of the bed and gingerly hugs his dad. Owen is not having any of it and forces TK into a tighter hug. “I’m okay, see? Are you?” At those words, the barriers TK had been holding up come crashing down. 

He lets himself weep into his father’s arms, knowing Owen won’t judge him. “I-I-I was so scared,” TK admits. “I thought you were dead.” 

“I’m sorry, TK,” Owen whispers in his ear, moving his hands comfortingly up and down his son’s back. “I’m so sorry I scared you, but I couldn’t let my best firefighter get hurt now could I?” 

“Don’t let Marjan hear you say that,” TK laughs. TK pulls back a little to look at his dad in the eyes, “Does anything hurt?” 

“I’m okay.” Owen traps TK’s head with one hand a presses a kiss to his son’s temple. “I’m alright.”

TK sits up and wipes his tears away quickly, “Why did you push me out of the way?” 

Owen sighs, “You’re my son, Tyler. I will do anything to protect you. Besides, I have cancer and I’m old.” Owen shrugs, “It’s better me than you.” 

“No,” TK protests. “Don’t-don’t say that.”

“I’m sorry,” Owen reaches out to touch TK’s hands. “I’m okay now. I’m alright. The doctors fixed me up and I’ll be good as new. Plus,” Owen squeezes TK’s hand to get up to look up, “we’ll have matching scars.”

TK smiles sadly, “Yeah, I guess we do.” 

[piccolina-mina]

There are nine primary characters on 911 Lone Star. NINE.

Owen

TK

Michelle

Judd

Grace

Mateo

Paul

Marjan

Carlos

Loving this show a great deal, but ALL the series likes to predominately focus on are Owen, Judd, Michelle, and TK by way of Owen. And that is suspect a damn enough when the rest of the cast has to battle for screentime.

And ALL fandom can talk about is TK and Carlos. Because of course they are. Fandom is going to fandom.

And I am tired of both.

It's a brand spanking new show with limited episodes and two handfuls of characters to develop. Every damn episode can't be about a ship.

A whole series about first responders, and you'd swear the series should exclusively focus on a single ship let fandom tell it.

Carlos isn't getting many lines and screentime. That's more of an issue than only caring about him as he relates to a ship.

You know who else isn't getting more development? Nearly everyone else.

Grace doesn't have a storyline outside of supporting Judd most of the time and is used less than Maddie and Abby were.

Paul just got a storyline about dating while trans. And he has a "secret power' of discernment.

Marjan got an incomplete storyline of being shunned from a mosque for being too proud with no conclusion.

Mateo, we just found out is dyslexic and DACA.

The last three happen to be close with each other which means limited screentime and development overall since they share the screen with each other.

Carlos is gay and into TK. And a cop. And Michelle's friend. And his storyline relates to either of them.

Meanwhile, Owen dominates at least 20 minutes of every episode, we know all about his cancer and dating life, and conveniently his closest friend now is Judd.

And Michelle takes up a good deal of the story with her missing sister arc.

TK is a recovering addict and his storylines tie into Owen's, and Carlos, and Judd spanning his personal, professional, familial, and dating life.

The show is good. We love it. But there are so many things that can be criticized and discussed, and it's not just limited to one freaking ship.

And throwing the occasional character who isn't getting development and screentime under the bus when getting upset about TK and Carlos not getting screentime is dumb.