#ow my relevance

[brightlotusmoon]

[lgbtlunaverse]

While rereading mdzs I am once again shocked by how talked about the "you were the only mistake he ever made" line from Lan Xichen to Wei Wuxian is and how heated it gets some people because honestly... I don't think he actually even believes that.

Stay with me. Look at the actual line. (I Included 2 translations for comparison's sake)

Firstly, yes he is mad at Wei Wuxian in this scene. But his biggest moment of anger was actually before this. By this point he's realized that Wei Wuxian forgot what happened after nightless city (and therefore ISN'T stringing along his baby brother on purpose) so he has in fact calmed down a bit.

Secondly, notice that he starts by talking about how his uncle felt. This is not Lan Xichen making a value statement about what he thinks. When he says Lan Wangji was proper and righteous he is talking about him being a model lan, he's talking about their family and clan's perspective of Wangji. Indeed, in their eyes, Wei Wuxian is the only time Lan Wangji was ever not the textbook perfect Lan.

Thirdly, what is Lan Xichen trying to say here? What is he mad at Wei Wuxian for? It's that he doesn't know Lan Wangji is in love with him. His anger is eased by realizing Wei Wuxian doesn't remember the very blatant confessions lwj made in the cave after nightless city, or Lan Wangji fighting his own clan elders for Wei Wuxian, and so had no way of knowing the whipmarks on Lan Wangji's back were related to him. But he is still mad, he still thinks Wei Wuxian should have been able to figure it out. So what does he highlight?

The fact that the only thing Lan Wangji, perfect model-Lan righteous Lan Wangji, ever defies his clan for is Wei Wuxian.

And Wei Wuxian has seen him do this! Even if he doesn't remember this one instance. Because Lan Wangji has been doing that the whole story through. Wei Wuxian has watched Lan Wangji blatantly stand against the entire cultivation world for him, and here Lan Xichen is highlighting just how unusual that is, how much Wei Wuxian must mean to Lan Wangji that he's willing to do that. The important part of the sentence here is not "mistake" it's "only."

Lan Xichen here isn't trying to say that he disapproves of Wei Wuxian, or telling him to stay away from his brother. Remember, the thing that made him mad in the first place was Wei Wuxian saying that he and Lan Wangji slept in seperate rooms. He thought they were together! He's mad because they're not!

At no point does Lan Xichen say he individually considers Lan Wangji's feelings for Wei Wuxian a mistake. If he ever did, it's clear he accepted them regardless long ago. Mistake or not, what he wants is for his little brother to be happy.

[silvergarnet12]

Venture! Unfortunately for me they have dragged me back into the hell that is Overwatch, I have been unsuccessfully ignoring their existence since their release and finally caved into re-downloading…

[niaerinisms]

Oh Cas that’s not-

[brightlotusmoon]

Chronic Pain Baseline: 6

Fatigue Baseline: 4

Mental Health Baseline: 5

My face is having uncontrollable spasms. Great. It hurts really, really, really bad.

I think part of why I have trouble explaining pain to the doctor is when they ask about the pain scale I always think “Well, if someone threw me down a flight of stairs right now or punched me a few times, it would definitely hurt a lot more” so I end up saying a low number. I was reading an article that said that “10” is the most commonly reported number and that is baffling to me. When I woke up from surgery with an 8" incision in my body and I could hardly even speak, I was in the most horrific pain of my life but I said “6” because I thought “Well, if you hit me in the stomach, it would be worse.”

[thepandalion]

having bad pain days suck bc I also get migraines and I keep googling if I can just. remove. the parts of my body that hurt. with the most broken grammar ever

[wuntrum]

the tension between me and the guy in the carpal tunnel self massage video he uploaded 6 years ago. palpable

[angelicdonuts]

Friendly reminder (I've ever made this known information):

I will 100% draw your pico's school oc for free because I think pico's school ocs are so so so awesomeness

[brightlotusmoon]

My old ADHD therapist, who has ADHD along with his two sons, shared a story about how he barely managed himself in a crowded Chuck E Cheese and had to pace the entire parking lot breathing gently. He told me that it was a kind of frustration very specific to emotional dysregulation and executive dysfunction.

I've talked about this before, but emotional dysregulation is such a mother fucker aspect of ADHD.

Like, sure, not being able to regulate my attention sucks, but it's genuinely fucking nothing compared to the absolute rollercoaster of emotions I just went on because someone said something in a shitty tone, and now I'm having to actively walk myself through DBT methods lest my idiot shit for brains 'shiny-can't-sit-still-disorder' drop the match on that particular bridge because the rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like my chest is burning and not being able to act on the hurt feels like I'm suffocating under the weight of emotions pushing down on me and lashing out in anger is quicker than taking the time to self soothe.

And the annoying fucking thing is I know it's me.

I've done enough therapy to know my emotional response to their shittiness is overblown and dysregulated. I know I'm taking it to heart more than they could ever imagine.

And I've got to fucking sit with that and process it because if I don't, I'll be the inconsiderate cunt in this interaction and hhnnggg--wailing, gnashing, biting my thumb at you in the marketplace, etc, etc.

[brightlotusmoon]

a.

@brownboklit

this can't be the same brain i was using to read 750 page novels in 3 days during middle school

[seafoam-taide]

Even though I am playing this game at the SLOWEST of crawls this truly is the ultimate game full of basically everything I love in a story. This is a me-specific instant classic. This is The Game. This game will and has already impacted me so crazily. In Stars And Time confirmed ultimate banger it will be joining the 2019 quartet as games of all time in my brain

[soulsolid-a]

     There are two people who Brook is eternally indebted towards to a degree that he knows well he would never be able to repay, no matter how many times he may die with his life dedicated towards them. First being Luffy, of course.

     While he’s well aware of the entire crew’s contributions, it’s Luffy to whom he pledged his second life to. Luffy had given him back everything. He’d given him back the sun, and with that, hope. Luffy had gave him back his shadow, had offered him a new home, and above all, told him that Laboon waited still. Nothing about that day was any less than a miracle, and Brook knows he would never be able to give to Luffy the same life that his captain gave to him, but his soul be damned if he would do his best to pay back even an ounce of it.

     The second person is, beyond shadow of a doubt, Crocus. Crocus had been a true friend in those three months the Rumbar Pirates had spent at the Twins Cape. They’d gotten along well, and Brook had been thrilled when the man was willing to look after Laboon for a few years. Though he’d never once truly doubted the man’s integrity, Brook still knew that — as time had passed in the fog — caring for a full grown whale, at the entrance to the Grand Line no less, was an incredibly taxing request to honor, and one he’d never wanted to have asked from the doctor. To learn that Crocus, after all this time, was still caring for Laboon, and to learn that Crocus had set sail in hopes to find them, it would have broken his heart from joy and guilt, had he still had one. He owes Crocus a debt he could never hope to make up for for having cared for Laboon for all these years, though he can hope to — at the very least — apologize with all his soul for their deaths and delay once their paths can finally crossed again once more.

[brightlotusmoon]

It's very painful and I love it, thank you.

The Curse of a Michelangelo, Part 1.

Yup, trying to hit my angst quota of Mikey. I love this character, especially the 2003 version.

I was gonna post the whole comic but I haven’t finished the second page and radio silence for another day is probably not good.

(Click for better quality)

Next (Coming tomorrow)

[fstbmp-a]

I love being a writer

And being like "I wanna write a simple drabble" and suddenly it has like 5+ paras of build-up and it isn't even done.

Why am I like this?

[bitegore]

Today my left hand betrays me

[queerholmcs]

i would not like the show so much if it wasn't absolutely hilarious. my other main fandom is nbc hannibal, and what i love about both shows is how they take themselves seriously and are apart self-aware that out of context they are absolutely wild. (actually a common theme in all of my media loves.) i can't really watch s4 around other people cuz i either have to hide my laughter at "inappropriate" moments (like mary's death) or i make cryptic remarks the entire hour and a half about what everything means. the first time i rewatched after s4 and learning basic tjlc shit, i burst out laughing at asib's "this phone is your heart and you should never let it rule your head" cuz of how obvious that clue is.

also, i don't think you being able to quote so much of the episodes is weird, i can do that too since i've been watching them on repeat since december. cheers!

the one thing i've taken away from the little bonuses they've given us (i.e. the shooting scripts) is that they are not being subtle about any of this. the version we see is one with the toned-down subtext, and even that is enough to make you think you were an idiot for ever having not noticed it. i will confess, i have not watched hannibal in full yet (i've gotten ~halfway through on two separate occasions before losing momentum to something or other) so i cannot speak to that one as of yet. but yes, bbcs s4 absolutely goes for it with the absurdity and i adore her for it 💞 like yes! they did jump the shark! it does not fit with the general mood of the s1-3 at all! but maybe that's the whole point! i love watching this show and still needing to pause it and pace the room and gesture at no-one because there are somehow still new things for me to notice (or old things for me to have never gotten over)

and thank you, i truly would not mind having the entire show tucked away in my head if it weren't for the fact that it is borderline interfering with life some days lol. i have one innocuous thought at work and i have to take two minutes to stop and let the rest of the scene i've inadvertently referenced play out before i can carry on.