#ovulation. maybe. or else it was just in the luteal phase. so like the most dramatic events were not consistent with the other stuff id

[opens-up-4-nobody]

hi, giving some additional anecdotal info from your poll. I have adhd and pmdd, bipolar runs in my family so I am very familiar with it but do not have it myself. I don't experience hypomania related to my menstrual cycle. there's definitely a huge mood lift as soon as my period starts due to the pmdd, but that's more going from "I suck everything sucks and everyone hates me" to my semi-stable "normal," not a manic state. I also experience elevated mood/energy around ovulation, but again, not hypomania. IME if your definition of hypomania includes inflated confidence and/or impulsivity, that's when you might want to get a bipolar eval. hope this maybe helps and you get the answers you're looking for <3

Thanks 🖤

[ohleander]

3.13.23

When I grabbed my laptop, I felt like I just had so much to say and yet here I am with brain farts and nothing of substance coming out. A silent but deadly? Nah..

One thing on my mind today is how well I'm starting to understand my cycle and how excited I am to keep understanding it. My regular human hormonal cycle is an incredible force to understand. Now that I know that I reset myself every month in more ways than just "emotional and bleeding" I reset myself in the same way the moon gets full and new again each month. I, too need a period of extra rest and its friggin natural! I'm not supposed to be the same every day but I can accomplish SO much in a month if I know how to use my energy right. I am so on the right track and I keep staying uncomfortable because I keep growing like crazy. I'm glad I don't feel the same all the time, even when I go through long periods of turmoil. I'd rather feel too much than not enough. And I go through periods of that, too. Sometimes the idea of emotions is so foreign and sometimes I'm drowning in them.

There have been so many times in my life when I wished to change my body for gender euphoric reasons and for right now, I'm glad I made the choice to try to understand my body and its cycles before I did any alterations to it.. It has only given more validity to my feelings on gender, too! I found out that I naturally feel a lot better when I have more testosterone in me and I feel the most dysphoric most often during my luteal phase. I still have a lot to learn about the science behind it but a lot of folks who take T say that they feel more balanced and right but consistently. I also know males who have low T due to sickness and they have a hard time emotionally when their testosterone is really low. I cant help but wonder if taking T would help me feel more consistent and even. I think when I make the decision, I'd like to try low dose first.. and more exercises rather than top surgery.. I'm still getting comfortable honoring my body as a vessel, I'd like to not change it too much yet.. and some things I can always change.. surgeries I cant change.. I don't feel like I would regret getting top surgery because I've wanted it for as long as I've had boobs. I do fear the hormonal repercussions of getting top surgery, and if I did decide to have a baby I'd like to feed them through my body, if I could. So many thoughts and things to consider and they're all pretty valid. Maybe one day I'll be at a point where I'm making these choices.. for now its just something I think about a whole lot.

Another thing I think of a whole lot is publishing a book... any kind of book and so many books. I could honestly keep writing forever and ever if I had this computer in front of me. Sure I go blank sometimes, but if I just start talking about that, I somehow worm my way out of blankness and into a topic. One day I want to write about plants and of people. I want to write essays, musings & philosophies. I remember sitting and the round table one day with dad and telling him after high school that I wanted to be a philosopher.. I noted that philosophy was a class that could be taken at college.. and somehow I never got to take that class... maybe one day I will. Or else I cal learn it on you tube.

I have a hard time not letting the songs that are stuck in my head dictate my personality for the day. I suppose its kinda my duty to make sure I'm listening to easygoing music instead of ozzy and meg myers. But the hardcore songs are so good to get the energy up.

Speaking of I honestly love my commute each morning. I've got to pay better attention to my driving that I have lately. I'm lucky, I've been a distracted driver as of late (I think its the manic episode, aka ovulation) and I really gotta chill. I've been dissociating more lately too. One thing that's a bit concerning is the fact that ovulation time often feels like a manic high for me, the surge of hormones is through the roof. the extra hormones feel really good but its almost over electrifying.

ahh I took a melatonin tonight and I can feel it working. I am blessed, the past couple of nights I haven't woken up with a lot of cortisol anxiety.. we'll see though.. melatonin can often do strange things to the mind at night.. I'd like to sleep all the way through until 5, please! and then lovely loose and lanky lucid sleep..

LA

[marriedandttc]

Clomid!?

Me, writing a happy post about a doctor's appointment? Is that really happening? YES IT IS. And I wrote an entire book for yall about it. When the doctor walked into the patient room he introduced himself and looked over the written history I had just filled out. He commented on my gastric bypass – I had the old style one done. He said he hadn’t seen someone my age with that procedure before because they have switched to the sleeve around here so that was a funny chat about my experience. There was no shame, he was just intrigued. Then we got into the fertility bit of things and he asked how long we had been trying – I told him 26 cycles since my depo shot expired. He jotted that down and then asked me about my cycles. I told him that they’re 29-30 days long, I ovulate around day 17 or 18, my luteal phase is 12 days, and I believe that my period is light. As he was writing all that down on the notes I started getting panicked and told him about when my periods came back after depo, when I first started getting positive OPKs, how they’ve changed recently, etc. He cut me off as gently as he could and told me straight out, “Even if I take a full year off because of the birth control wearing off, you’re over a year. Honestly, I usually only take off six when it comes to counting things like this.” That was such a relief. To just be validated that we have been trying, we have reasons to be concerned, and he is ready to get into action. He did mention that my luteal phase is too short for his liking, he understood my worries about the length of my period, and my ovulation being later raised some questions for him. After that he asked Stephen a lot of questions about his sexual history, his workplace, his eating/drinking habits, etc. Then he told me that when it comes to infertility treatment a couple years can go by in a flash if people aren’t on top of it, so he’s going to operate on a schedule to try and streamline the process since we’ve been doing all we can at home. On Cycle Day 1 I will call the office and they’re going to put me on clomid. He said that the nurse would outline everything with me (a lot of the specifics I have already blanked on). They’ll start me at 50 mg on Cycle Day 3 and… that’s where I forgot. They’ll tell me what days to take the pills, what days to have sex, and I will have 21 day bloods. There was probably more but I was so excited that this was even an option that my brain went into mush. He said that they’ll check and if I have confirmed ovulation then I will do three cycles on clomid. If I didn’t then they will up it to 100 (150 following cycle if still not). Whenever I do have confirmed it’s three cycles. After that he said they would do an HSG on me and something else – forgot. They will also opt to do the semen analysis at that point. After that he said he can’t lay down too many specifics because it all relies on what they find in all the testing but it usually ends up being roughly: 3 cycles on femora, IUI, injectable hormones, and IVF. Hopefully we won’t get that far, he has high hopes for clomid. Today they took: prolactin, thyroid, and insulin levels since I had fasted overnight. He stressed that if we follow the instructions exactly as they are given he will do everything he can to help us in as cost-effective of a manner as he can (I mentioned concerns about costs) while still not dragging this out for years. It feels so good to be seen, heard, and understood. There were no remarks about my age, my weight, my mental illness, or anything else. I’ve been on the edge of crying on and off whenever I think about the fact that we are finally being listened to and helped. It’s been a long two years of trying to DIY this at home. Knowing there’s a great doctor behind me, I really couldn’t ask for more at this point. At one point I must have been making some sort of face because he stopped and asked me, “Does this all sound okay. Do you have concerns?” All I could do was shake my head and tell him that he was the fourth doctor I tried talking to and I couldn’t believe someone was finally listening. He seemed a little caught off guard by that but told me that this is what he enjoys doing and he’s glad to be able to give us the assistance we’ve been looking for. Here’s to getting the most out of Cycle 26 that I can. Maybe I won’t even need the Clomid if this naturally kicks its rear into gear. So, for those of you who have used clomid/are using clomid: experiences? Did it work for you in the past, how long did it take? What were your side effects? I know he mentioned some hot flashes and an increased risk of twins (15%) but again… my brain went to mush and I forgot. I’ll get more specifics when I call on CD 1 but thought I’d ask for some real life feedback.