#overdose of copium moment

[gojoux]

Yeah, I don't think Gojo's coming back...I feel that Yuji will be the only one left 😞

He will, after a few chapters.

[fishareglorious]

im losing hearing in my left kneecap i miss hofmann so badly. can they reveal she's alive in 2.2 and is taking a vacation in sao paulo and we only find it out because she's in a singular background cg eating pastel with marcus. idc if they don't explain how she survived only that she's having a good time and thats all that matters to me

[ilynpilled]

u know maybe this is all great 🫶 im gonna marry cersei openly 🫶 be with her 24/7 🫶 just like the targs theres a precedent 🫶 we will have nothing to hide 🫶 “im not ashamed of loving [her] only the things ive done to hide it” 🫶 haha it will be all good if i do not need to murder innocent children to hide this 🫶 oh we still want the crown right fuck ok but who cares robert won the throne with a war anyway 🫶 claim and divine right does not matter to me personally 🫶 also im gonna send back cat’s daughters and keep my vow 🫶 no one in my family will oppose me on doing that certainly 🫶 lets start an incest dynasty and marry joff to his sister instead since sansa is out of the picture 🫶 to show that we are built different 🫶 peace and love on planetos 🫶

[waffowo]

I cannot stop thinking about how Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain ironically fits as the missing link of the Metal Gear Solid franchise by being this ambivalent and spiteful text that could only be possible because it exists after Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns Of The Patriots.

Like think about it. MGS4 is Kojima’s perfect farewell in how it encapsulates his complex relationship towards his own series, his own cynical but still very much hopeful take on The Irishman (2019) if you will. The game simultaneously reveals Kojima’s hope and affection by pulling every known idiosyncracy to a hyperbolic degree but also his exhaustion and suspicion through Snake being not a hero but an old killer and his reflections on his role as a pioneer of the military-stealth genre within the gaming industry. It even seeks to tackle the behemoth of closing at least the majority of the loose narrative threads. As a consequence, any future game is attacked with the question of purpose since Kojima has already said what he needed to say. 

Through this question is how MGSV can even be allowed to exist because it affirms that the question is rhetorical. The game chronologically exists in a liminal space in the middle, neither here nor there. It even narratively exists as a structural ouroboros, a almost completely closed system which begins and ends on a mirror. Kojima elevates this sentiment to an extreme level by denying any kind of player satisfaction (or nostalgia) by still being an encapsulation of a lot of overarching themes now filtered through a lens of condemnation. 

 There is at least this sense of valour found in the main cast of MGS4. There might not be any heroes but you can tell that at the end of the game, there is a sense of dignity. MGSV works completely opposite to that. The central cast of MGSV is so pathetic that the game plays like a tragicomedy as they aimlessly wander about, overdosing on some serious fucking copium that taking revenge will bring peace. A particular venture you know that’s doomed but can’t help but watch. Phantom Paz expresses this so unsubtly yet so perfectly in her final cassette tape. Peace Day is always going to be a mirage and has been even since the Peace Walker days, it’s just that Kojima doesn’t always focus on the other reality that these people are all still terrorists and war criminals. 

People who expected Big Boss instead got a confused, empty and depressed war criminal who can be found roleplaying as a cowboy. His other hobbies include non-stop vaping and managing war criminal spreadsheets. Mission 43 doesn’t feel like a descent into evil because Venom is already kind of evil but instead works by acting in perfect opposition to Chapter 1 where you sort through your digital files to identify patterns and promptly send them to death in the quarantine ward. He’s so high up the military hierarchy that of course he can’t help but have a crisis when he is directly confronted with the physical reality he used to be able to meet with mechanical detachment. 

Venom Snake also serves as a perfect way to comment on the overarching theme of agency. However, there’s no final monologue to tell you to think for yourself, no Raiden throwing away the dog tags, no Naked Snake refusing to shake an official’s hand. Instead all these typical moments are denied in every way possible to the point it’s very funny. Venom is not only a castrated protagonist but is also basically a preprogrammed AI with no hope to break free because he’s narratively doomed. Your actions don’t really matter. Even funnier, the ending is perfect by hitting you with the “you, the player, were the war criminal all along” that heightens the tragicomic beats through recontextualisation. What is more mortifyingly funny than realising that you’ve just been playing as Raiden AGAIN but instead of someone that exists beyond the player you have become canonised as an in-world character complicit in perpetuating imperialism. This works so well with how if you listen to the tapes and mission briefings closely, you realise that there are so many contradictions that no one are bringing up. Everyone is lying to you and everyone is telling the truth but it doesn’t matter. Venom just captures the disorientated position of the player, caught in this Pynchonesque paranoid labyrinth that it leaves you confused and speechless. What other choice do you have but to smoke a fat one, it’s not like you can actually resist the game if you’re completely out of the loop. 

Aside from Venom, there is of course Huey who has descended into full on pathological lying and delusion. Even if he didn’t cause the second outbreak, he’s so overwhelmed by guilt and paranoia by his other crimes he’s most likely guilty of that he’s able to beat the truth serum. When you’re rescuing Huey, he literally blames you for the destruction of the MSF. Like literally as you’re hauling ass to get him out. Even more pathetic is Kaz who makes these grand statements alongside Venom about taking revenge that you know doesn’t mean shit. His monologues are so passionate and are so depressing and yet he is met with awkward silence constantly that it’s depressingly funny. 

There’s this amazing usage of comedic timing, after you rescue Kaz and bring him back to Mother Base, where he monologues and says, “Dogs of war for nine whole years…that ends today. Now you’re not sleeping, and we’re not junkyard hounds. We’re Diamond Dogs.” The swelling of the music at the last moment is instantly followed by Kaz being shut the fuck up by a medic who puts an oxygen mask on him and lies him down. No one responds to the speech. Ocelot merely only talks to stop the medic and allow Kaz to get a few more words in out of pure pity. Likewise, Kaz’s extreme cognitive dissonance as he believes he can return to the good old days is so pitiful and poignant you can’t help but to stare with sympathy. 

The end of Chapter 1 shows how far gone he is with a very clever cut as Venom turns away from a vision of Skullface where Skullface is replaced by Kaz himself. Chapter 2 then logically shows him becoming full on paranoid, going full on 1984 Minister of Truth because what else does he have left if he doesn’t have an object of revenge anymore? I remember a moment, where he’s calling you, with this sense of manic fanaticism as he rambles to Venom that it’s time to dig up dirt on Huey and finally get him out for good. It becomes so absurd that even OCELOT tells him to shut the hell up. 

Ocelot is maybe the only normal person on board but that title means nothing in-universe. He’s thriving because he’s happily going along with War On Terror 2. He’s normal because he flat out embraces this and even goes out with his crush dressed as a cowboy. Of course there won’t be those moments where he’s of central dramatic focus here, he is simply here for the ride, his true goal to win the game of 8D chess for the man he’s down bad for. 

This band of losers are completely devoid of real purpose and are so…beta and it works because of how it both confronts an equally important reality of the characters not usually as overt and how MGS4 already closing off the franchise sets up how MGSV’s narrative and characters are already and should be dead. Peace is only possible in the case of war criminals when they’ve been buried. Evoking dissatisfaction might not always be intentional and is sometimes accidental but it works because there is no real satisfaction in beating a dead horse just to see your faves perform one more song. Especially if they already aren’t good people.

[wholockiantabs]

I made the miatake of watching the trailer at 8am when I got into work, thinking "Oh, no one comes in until 9am, so I'll be good."

Y'ALL. WHAT A FUCKIN MISTAKE THAT WAS.

Like, the happy moments were very cute and all, but I genuinely wanted to cry at seeing the Old Guard just look so...tired. Espeically Majima, his eye just looks so sad and empty like he did in 0.

And I thought Kiryu having cancer was some shitpost thing, it felt like I was hit with the goddamn pink truck when I saw that shit in the trailer. Like really RGG, really? We're doing this, then? Like, I watched my grandma slowly pass away from lung cancer, it is not a good time for anyone. I do not wish to see Kiryu go through anything like that. He might be the goddamn Dragon of Dojima, but he's still mortal and fuck this game for reminding me in the worst possible way.

I was Not Okay for the rest of the work day and honestly I'm still recovering. Imma send RGG the invoices for my therapy too, because I will not be ready emotionally for whatever happens in Infinite Wealth.

Literally I just want good things for all the characters, but especially for Kiryu, Majima, Saejima, and Dojima. Haven't they suffered enough in this lifetime? Yeah, good drama writing whatever, I just want them to be happy, dammit.

I hope everyone is ready to overdose on some fuckin Copium because I'm positive I will be snorting that on the daily after playing through this game.

After everything that’s happened this week, those new RGG trailers were like a punch to the gut. I was… not ready and I have genuinely spent the day trying to process it — ahahaa, help.

I just wanna give him a hug, are you kidding me, I can’t cope.

And look at Dad 😭

Dad looks so tired, this is awful! No!

RGG, I’m sending you my invoices for therapy.

[warm-starlight]

Wasn't Araki forcing erurii too?

I mean Kinda? Not that much. He didn't add more EruRi interactions that was necessary, even removed some (like almost the entire dialogue after Erwin wakes up) and even if they removed some content from LeviHan, they added other, small moments that kinda kept their bond intact to some extent, for example Levi was the one to find Hange after she kicked the table, Levi was staring at hange and connie leaving trough the window until they disappeared from his sight, even though they removed the dialogue after Levi apologized for killing her squad, Hange gave him a look and smiled. Since we know they communicate without words, we can assume she told him it's not his fault.

Maybe i am overdosing on copium but that'w what i thought haha.

Like

That said, EreMika is a hero and heroine, so

[thebenzene]

I have no accurate words to articulate my current state, but with the next clauses, I will attempt to. I am in deep yet numbing pain. I have unresolved fury towards people who have wronged me unjustly. I am traveling towards a vague future I could only hope what I'm thinking has a gist of whatever it is. I coat my fear with my brand of humor -- the very same coping mechanism I use to survive each day. "Copium overdose", they say. "Easing every heartache one shitpost at a time", whatever. I hate the fact that my body rejects my volition to study and concentrate due to the fact that I don't know what's happening with me and at this point, I refuse to admit that there's something wrong just because I've been used to this feeling. Maybe this is just a phase and this phase has yet to come to its worst before I get better but when will it be? Will I be able to get through it? If sentience means tolerating the extreme to the numbing yet excruciating point of wanting to exterminate yourself, maybe I would rather lose my mind than try my best to think and act upon each circumstance rationally. I miss the old days when we get to know the cause and effect of sentences our English teachers provide us. I miss the place where we learn everything simplified. Devoid of complex logic and context, we learn everything objectively, and we don't question much. What is the cause and the effect of this state I am currently in? Will a first-grade English teacher help me know? Of course, not. I wish they could, though. After ghosting my two therapists from the past, here's what I learned: I never learn. I'm not an expert but whatever theory you're going to apply, I believe whatever's happening in my mind, body, and whole system, has already gone really really bad and the only way to cope is to pretend it's not happening. As I sabotage myself every day, I never learn to act better, help myself, or even have a staged sense of saving my sentience from its separation from reality. They say you'll never get through it if you won't get through it. Will I ever succeed with fighting my demons? Do I have to antagonize these unwanted behaviors to conquer whatever it is that needs to be gotten off my system? Or do I have to surrender and accept these parts as my "flaws"? Saul Goodman once said, "We live to fight another day." If existing means being courageous every day then shame on me for just wanting to survive. I don't want to fight another day. I may have had already accepted all the defeats in the world yet the challenges won't even accept all the white flags I raised. Why do I need to accept these challenges? Why is everything perceived as a battle? What is the point in winning anyway when there are more battles to lose? I don't know. I can never live in peace. No dosage of placebo could permanently disillusion me from this inevitable dread. I could cope and pretend but I could never be over it — and that is what I fear the most. I fear the day I'll run out of ways to entertain my soul and have nothing to do but have that one-on-one fight with that gigantic dread I know I am no match for. It's like fighting the boss in a game I know my character's predetermined to helplessly die. But why do I know I'm going to lose in the end? Where does this certainty come from? There are days I am confident to fight but these days are fewer than the years I have conditioned myself I'm bound to accept the biggest defeat yet win in my life — the moment I die. The very second the dread would finally accept all the white flags I raised, all the fights I chose to forfeit, and all the times I said: "I surrender". It's a loss yet a win. I just don't know what comes after but surely, I would savor the taste of eternal rest and solace — if that's what it's gonna be.

I seek for that peace where I don't need to suffer anymore. I long for that warmth of love where I don't have to prove anymore I'm worthy of it. I thirst for a desert full of oases in which water doesn't appear from a visage or any delusion. I look for a fortress that would make all the wars cease and rebuild all the cities ruined. The ideal world doesn't exist for all the people who have come into the finality of believing that existence is pain but there is no guarantee that termination of existence assures one of living in a better dimension or world or space or whatever it's called. For now, guess I'll just shrug it off and cope. It never gets better but who cares. It's just a matter of tolerating and enduring it,

for now.