#overcoming my fears of intimacy is going well—

[3-aem]

hate in therapy when they’re like now tell ur 5 yr old self u love her, and im just here like thats stupid and cringe i Don’t love her, she can go get fucked, ugly cunt turd for brains-

[marsplastic13]

'Complicated' (part 6) - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Idea - Kaz Brekker hires a prostitute to overcome his touch aversion, and be a better man for Inej, but things take an unxepected turn. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Prostitute!Reader, (had to use y/n because I'm bad at names) Genre: modern AU, slow burn word count: 4.8k notes: this is one of my favorite parts, let me know if you like it!!

@millercontracting @coldmermaidhologram @syd649

Kaz stepped out of the shower feeling drained, both physically and emotionally. He collapsed onto the bed, his mind a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts and memories from the evening with y/n. The incessant vibrations of his phone interrupted his attempt to find peace.

With a heavy sigh, he checked the notifications. Fifteen messages from y/n, three from Jesper, and one from Inej wishing him goodnight. Guilt twisted in his gut; he had abruptly left y/n's house, leaving behind a mess of emotions and unanswered questions.

Their attempt at intimacy had started with good intentions. Kaz had tried his best, using his hands to pleasure y/n as they had discussed. He felt her respond, melting under his touch, her moans guiding him in the right direction. y/n's encouragement spurred him on, reinforcing that he was making her feel alive and desired.

But then came the moment when she asked him to go further, to insert a finger. Panic seized Kaz like a vice. The sensations overwhelmed him, dredging up memories he had tried to bury. Wet, sticky, drowning—those feelings crashed over him, triggering a panic attack he hadn't experienced in months.

y/n had tried to reach him, her voice a lifeline in the chaos, but Kaz couldn't hear her. In a haze of fear and confusion, he fled, escaping from the situation and from himself.

Lying on the bed now, thoughts of Inej haunted him. He imagined her peacefully wishing him goodnight, unaware of the turmoil he was facing. They were drifting apart, he realized sadly, their connection strained by his own struggles and insecurities. The thought of their upcoming reunion offered a flicker of hope, a chance to mend what felt broken.

The text from y/n flashed on Kaz's screen like a warning signal. 'I swear I'm coming to your house if you don't answer me' it read. Kaz stared at it, torn between the desire to explain himself and the overwhelming urge to be left alone. He knew y/n was worried, but he couldn't face anyone right now, not even her.

In an attempt to ease her concern without having to engage in conversation, Kaz transferred the money he forgot to give her, hoping it would serve as a reassurance that he was alright and prompt her to drop the matter. But instead of quieting her, his phone immediately lit up with an incoming call from her.

Reluctantly, he answered. "Yeah?"

"Kaz, are you okay?" y/n's voice was laced with genuine worry, cutting through his defenses.

"Yes, I'm better now," he replied softly, hoping to convey that he wasn't in immediate danger.

"You could've answered me," she chided gently, her concern palpable. "I was worried sick."

"You shouldn't have been," Kaz deflected, unable to bear the weight of her concern.

"Are you kidding? You left my house completely out of yourself. I thought you drove straight into a tree," she confessed, her worry turning into frustration.

Kaz winced at the image she painted. Driving in his state had indeed been reckless, a fact he couldn't deny. "Well, I didn't," he murmured, feeling a pang of guilt.

"I want to sleep now," Kaz added hastily, hoping to end the conversation before it delved further into his vulnerabilities.

He heard y/n sigh heavily on the other end. "Go fuck yourself, Kaz," she retorted softly, a mix of exasperation and affection in her voice.

Kaz closed his eyes, feeling the weight of the day bearing down on him.

***

The tension from the past few days had been building, and now he found himself standing outside y/n's door, late at night, unsure of what to expect. He knocked tentatively, almost hoping she wouldn't answer, but when she did, his heart sank a little.

y/n opened the door, wearing only panties and a crop top, looking tired but still striking. Her casual demeanor contrasted sharply with Kaz's turmoil. "I was about to smoke weed and watch House, what the fuck do you want?" she greeted him bluntly.

Kaz hesitated, then slowly pulled some cash from his pocket and handed it to her. She glanced at it, then back at him. "She's coming tomorrow, right?" she asked, her tone implying she already knew the answer.

It was Kaz's turn to hesitate. "I really like House," he blurted out awkwardly, trying to lighten the mood.

y/n sighed and accepted the money, stepping aside to let him in. The room was almost completely dark. They both understood the unspoken rule—if she didn't take the money, their interaction would mean something entirely different. In the dim light, Kaz undressed and climbed into bed, feeling the unsettling mix of familiarity and detachment.

y/n sat on the desk, rolling a blunt with practiced ease. Kaz observed her silently, struck by how natural she seemed in this setting. She tossed him the tablet. "The first drag is to share or it's ten years of bad sex," she said with a smirk as she lit it.

"You just made that up," Kaz chuckled. y/n inhaled deeply, then leaned in to blow the smoke into his mouth, their lips almost touching. He closed his eyes, savoring the moment before exhaling slowly.

They settled into bed—Kaz on his back with the tablet balanced on his stomach, and y/n nestled beside him, her head on his shoulder and a leg draped over his. He placed a hand on her thigh, the intimacy of the touch not lost on either of them. As she passed the blunt between them, Kaz squeezed her thigh gently each time, a silent acknowledgment of gratitude.

They watched the episode in comfortable silence, interrupted only by Kaz's occasional comments about how the actor didn’t know how to really use a cane. "Should I light another one?" y/n asked when the first blunt was finished. Kaz nodded, watching her move gracefully around the room. He couldn't help but admire how effortlessly sexy she was, even in such mundane actions.

When y/n blew the first drag into his mouth again, Kaz realized he had seen others do it and found it incredibly alluring. Another thing he was experiencing for the first time with her.

They continued sharing the blunt and watching the show until Kaz's thoughts turned impulsive. "I don't know how to put on a condom," he blurted out, his mind clouded by the effects of the weed. y/n seemed unfazed by his confession.

"Do you think you'll have sex?" she asked casually, her eyes still fixed on the tablet.

"No, it's still too soon," Kaz replied quickly.

"Do you want me to teach you?" she offered, her tone matter-of-fact.

"Yes," Kaz admitted, feeling a mix of embarrassment and determination. He wasn't sure if Inej knew how to do it, but he wanted to be prepared, or at least have a plausible excuse for being here.

"Great, but first, kill this," y/n said, passing him the blunt with the last two drags. "It's easier than you think."

Hesitantly, Kaz inhaled, then leaned in to blow the smoke into her mouth, feeling a surge of heat at the intimate gesture.

"So, show me," y/n prompted, her usual playful grin teasing Kaz's nerves. He frowned for a moment, then reluctantly looked down at his lap.

"Where do you put a condom, Kaz?" she asked, her tone teasing yet instructive.

Feeling somewhat foolish, Kaz hesitated. "I... you know I won't do that," he muttered, suddenly aware of his boundaries. Some things should remain between him and Inej, even if he was stoned enough to forget that.

"I know, I was testing my luck," y/n replied nonchalantly, getting up to retrieve a box from a drawer. She tossed vibrators and dildos onto the bed, making Kaz regret his request even more. "Choose one that's most similar," she instructed, pulling out a handful of condoms from another drawer.

Grateful for the darkness that hid his embarrassment, Kaz picked one without much thought. y/n raised an eyebrow. "Come on, baby, I felt it, you're being modest," she teased.

"Why do you always have to make things harder for me?" Kaz sighed, looking up at her with a mixture of exasperation and affection.

"Do you hear yourself? You serve them on a silver platter," she laughed. y/n slipped into teaching mode, and Kaz found himself oddly satisfied with his progress, despite the awkwardness of the situation. "Don't get cocky, darling. You won't be this relaxed when you're about to have sex for the first time, and real skin is much slippery," she warned, stuffing a handful of condoms into the pocket of his jacket. "Try them out at home to find the right fit."

"Damn, weed makes me so horny," she commented, settling back onto the bed beside him. "And so wet, I—"

"y/n, oversharing," Kaz interjected, amused yet also caught off guard by her candidness.

"Right, sorry," she smirked knowingly. "Do you ever touch yourself?"

Surprisingly, Kaz didn't feel as embarrassed as he thought he would, thanks to the weed. "Rarely. Sometimes even my own touch bothers me."

"When was the last time?" y/n inquired, her eyes challenging him with playful curiosity.

"Um, I think that time we kissed for three hours," Kaz admitted with a slight flush creeping into his cheeks.

"Did you think of me?" y/n's question was direct, her eyes searching his for an honest answer.

Kaz's hesitation was enough to let her know the answer. His brain seemed to have memorized every whisper and moan, replaying them with absurd accuracy.

"I thought about you too," y/n confessed with a smile that suggested she found their connection intriguing.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Kaz chuckled softly. "Did you, now?"

"I'm not embarrassed, Kaz. You know that," she laughed softly, moving closer to him.

"Do you think about your clients often?" he asked, half-serious, half-teasing as he pulled her into his lap.

"Some of them," she replied coyly, her face dangerously close to his.

"Kaz, stop looking at me like that. Your girlfriend is coming," y/n whispered, her lips brushing against his teasingly.

"I paid you. I'm just a client," Kaz replied, trying to maintain a distance that felt increasingly fragile.

"Then why are you hesitating?" y/n countered softly, her gaze searching for him.

"I just wanted to look at you," Kaz murmured truthfully, his resolve wavering.

"Kaz, are you about to tell me I'm beautiful?" she teased with a smirk.

"No," Kaz insisted, his voice firm yet tinged with uncertainty, he definitely was. "I want to try it again. I want to..." He paused, sighing deeply as he struggled to articulate his desire. "To get you off."

"Baby, don't ask me things hoping I'll refuse," y/n replied with a playful tap on his nose. "I'm working right now. I can't say no."

"I want to," Kaz reiterated more firmly this time, his resolve clear despite the nerves fluttering in his stomach. He knew this was crossing a line, pushing their arrangement into uncharted territory. Yet, something in him yearned to explore further, to delve into the intimacy they had danced around for so long.

Their eyes met in the dimly lit room, each silently acknowledging the unspoken tension that crackled between them. y/n regarded him with a mix of curiosity and amusement, as if testing his resolve. Kaz held her gaze, his heart pounding with a mixture of anticipation and fear.

"Kaz," she began softly, her tone taking on a more serious note, "you know the rules. This isn't just about you anymore."

He nodded, acknowledging her point. The boundaries were clear—they were here because of an arrangement, a transaction. Yet, the air around them was thick with unspoken desires and uncharted territories.

"But," she continued, her voice lowering to a whisper, "if you're sure..."

"I'm sure," Kaz interrupted, his voice steady now. He reached out, gently brushing a stray lock of hair away from her face. "I want to."

y/n hesitated, her eyes searching his face for any hint of doubt. Finding none, she nodded slowly, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Okay," she murmured, almost to herself as if affirming the decision.

Without further hesitation, Kaz closed the distance between their lips, tasting the familiar hint of cherries. This time, his touch was confident, tracing paths along her body with purpose. Her satisfied sounds were like music to him, and he found himself reveling in the moment.

Kaz's fingers moved with increasing determination, feeling her arousal through the fabric of her panties. She grew restless under his touch, prompting Kaz to gather his courage. He slid a finger inside gently, feeling her react with a gratifying gasp. He wished he had a video of how she threw her head back—it would be the only porn he'd willingly watch.

Taking his time to adjust to the sensation, Kaz met y/n's desire with each movement. "Another one, please," she requested breathlessly, her eyes filled with longing.

"Kaz, love, you're driving me crazy," she whispered, her voice trembling slightly. "Go faster."

Lost in her responsiveness, Kaz kissed her deeply, savoring her moans. y/n interrupted their kiss intermittently, praising him, asking for more. He enjoyed how demanding she was, each demand boosting his confidence.

"I'm so close, love. Just for you," she gasped, her body tensing under his touch. "Come for me, darling," Kaz whispered, the words slipping past his lips with a mix of urgency and tenderness. He watched as y/n's eyes opened in surprise, a fleeting moment of vulnerability passing between them before her body tensed under his touch. She closed her eyes again, surrendering to the sensations he was coaxing from her.

Kaz felt a surge of pride and relief as he felt her body relax against his, the tension melting away in the aftermath of her climax. He pressed his lips gently against her temple, savoring the closeness and the intimacy of the moment they had shared.

Slowly, he withdrew his fingers, mindful of her sensitivity.

Kaz lay back on the bed, staring at the ceiling as he processed what had just happened. He felt a mix of exhilaration and unease, realizing how far he had pushed their boundaries tonight. As much as he wanted to convince himself it was just business, he couldn't ignore the undeniable connection they shared.

"You're too sweet for me," she murmured between heavy breaths, trying to steady herself. "I want to ruin you," she added, her fingers tracing his lips with a mischievous smile.

Kaz was surprised, he had no idea what she meant, but she distracted him right after. "Are you hungry?"

Kaz nodded. Smoking had made him really hungry. "I can make noodles if you want," she said. "I'm starving."

"Now?" he frowned, still feeling the remnants of their earlier intimacy.

"Yes, now, come on," she got up and changed into a fresh pair of underwear, keeping the crop top.

"I really need a minute to—"

"No one is around, let's go."

"I'm half naked."

"Me too," she said with a wink, her casualness making him smile despite himself. 

In the kitchen, y/n assured him that she didn't need help and started moving between cupboards and stoves. Kaz leaned back in his chair, watching her with a mix of curiosity and admiration. She moved with ease, her confidence captivating him.

"How hungry are you?" he asked, noticing the large quantity of things she was cutting. She smiled, a glint of mischief in her eyes.

"You'll see."

Kaz felt like his eyes were glued to her, following every movement she made in the kitchen. As y/n moved between the cupboards and stoves, her graceful motions and focused demeanor captivated him. He watched as she effortlessly reached for ingredients.

When y/n tried to reach the upper shelf of the cupboard, Kaz noticed her struggling despite standing on her toes. Instinctively, he got up to help her, feeling a rush of protective instinct.

“Wait, I’ll take it. What do you need?” His voice was softer than usual, a stark contrast to his usual guarded demeanor. He moved behind her, and she gestured toward a red box on the top shelf. Leaning in, Kaz’s chest pressed lightly against her back, and he placed a hand on her waist as he reached for the box.

Their proximity caused a strange flutter in Kaz’s chest. He handed her the box, but instead of moving away immediately, he lingered, studying her reaction. y/n turned to look at him, her expression unreadable, which both intrigued and disarmed him.

"Why do you have to be such a tease?"

"What did I do?" he asked, genuinely confused, as he went back to his chair. y/n shook her head, going back to her pots.

Finally, she placed two plates in front of them, sitting on his lap. "There are three more chairs," he observed half annoyed, but curling an arm around her waist anyway.

“Just wait,” she replied with a playful glint in her eye. “Is it good?”

Kaz couldn't contain a satisfied hum when he started eating. It was really, really good. Or maybe it was just 3 am, and he was stoned and he could still smell the orgasm he made her reach on her skin. Everything felt surreal and intensely vivid.

A few minutes later, they started hearing noises, and her three roommates peeked into the kitchen. Kaz was really grateful that she was sitting on him, covering him up a bit. 

"Did you make noodles?" asked roommate one, with sleepy eyes, already grabbing a plate.

"Yes, but you can have them only if you promise to behave," said y/n amused.

"I promise," repeated the girls all together.

“So, what’s going on with you two?” another roommate asked, her curiosity clear despite her sleepy demeanor.

“Nothing,” y/n shrugged, a mischievous smile playing on her lips. “Yeah, like we don’t know your after-sex face,” one of the roommates teased, causing Kaz to nearly choke on his food.

"Nothing happened," she insisted, laughing at the absurdity.

"y/n, it's 3 am, you made noodles that you're actually eating, and you are fucking loud," added roommate three.

"You promised to behave," y/n scolded them, but there was no real anger in her voice.

Kaz hugged her tightly, feeling the warmth of her body against his. The girls kept their playful banter going, and for the first time in a long while, Kaz started to feel weirdly at ease. He couldn't believe he was with four prostitutes, all half naked, himself included, eating and kind of enjoying himself.

"So Kaz," asked roommate one, "is it true that you have a job shadier than ours?"

A small laugh escaped his lips as he leaned back in the chair, dragging y/n back with him. "You could say that," he admitted, making them giggle, "but you know, I heard some strange things staying here, so maybe the shadiness is equal."

"Are you still hungry?" asked y/n softly, looking at his empty plate.

"Maybe," he said, involuntarily gazing at her lips. 

y/n got up to fill his plate again, and the girls started laughing at the face he made. "y/n, you should make him promise to behave too," laughed roommate two.

"Shut up," she retorted, going back to his lap.

Kaz wrapped his arms around her again, feeling a sense of belonging he hadn't expected. The strange, comforting domesticity of the moment made him realize how starved he was for simple human connection, for a feeling of being part of something, even if just for a fleeting night.

As the conversation flowed and the banter between y/n and her roommates continued, Kaz found himself drawn into their playful teasing and laughter.

"Did she tell you about her new boyfriend?" Roommate three smirked mischievously, glancing at y/n with a knowing look.

"No, she didn't," Kaz replied, eyeing y/n curiously and poking her side lightly.

"So, you are embarrassed about him," Roommate one chimed in triumphantly, raising an eyebrow at y/n.

"I'm not!" y/n protested half-heartedly, a playful glint in her eyes.

"He's 50," Roommate two blurted out suddenly, causing Kaz to raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"What?" Kaz turned to y/n, his curiosity piqued.

"He still didn't sleep with her because he's afraid she's going to give him a heart attack," Roommate three added with a chuckle, earning a playful swat from y/n.

"She told him she's a pilates instructor," Roommate one added with a grin.

"Girls, come on," y/n laughed along with them, "he's cute."

"Where did you even find him?" Kaz asked, genuinely curious now, his earlier worries about Inej momentarily forgotten in the midst of their light-hearted banter.

"I'm not telling you," y/n replied coyly, leaning back against Kaz's chest, her demeanor relaxed and carefree. "I'm not telling anyone anything, you bunch of snakes."

The teasing continued into the early hours of the morning, their laughter filling the kitchen and easing the tension that had hung in the air earlier. Kaz found himself caught up in their laughs, enjoying the distraction and the genuine warmth of y/n and her roommates.

They talked and joked until 6 am, their conversation ranging from light-hearted gossip to shared stories and playful teasing. Despite the late hour, Kaz didn’t realize he hadn't once thought about his girlfriend during their time together.

As exhaustion finally caught up with them, Kaz found himself drifting off to sleep in y/n's bed, his head nestled comfortably in the crook of her neck. 

He was jolted awake by the insistent buzzing of his phone two hours later. Inej. Inej would be arriving in a few hours. What the fuck was he doing?

“Turn it off,” whined y/n beside him, her voice thick with sleep.

He glanced at the screen, seeing he had already missed two calls from her. Panic surged through him as he quickly disentangled himself from y/n. 

“Hi, Kaz. Did I wake you?” asked Inej as soon as he answered.

“Yeah, am I late? Are you already here?” he asked, worried.

“No,” she laughed, “I was supposed to arrive in a few hours. Did you forget?” Her laugh was meant to lighten the mood, but Kaz couldn’t shake the feeling of unease.

“Nej, what do you mean ‘supposed to’?”

Inej hesitated. “Something came up. I can’t come this week.”

“Something came up? You promised,” he said, unable to hide his hurt.

“I know, but Kaz, I might have a lead about some slavers. I can’t back out from that.”

Kaz knew she was right, but he couldn’t help feeling a wave of frustration and disappointment. “You could’ve told me sooner,” he said harshly.

“I knew it on my way to the airport,” she admitted.

“You’re always ready to leave me waiting like an idiot,” he snapped before he could stop himself.

“Excuse me? Are you mad at me? You know this is important.”

“Well, for me, it was important seeing you today.”

“I have to go, Kaz. Have a nice day.”

Kaz sighed heavily, staring at the phone in disbelief. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. Defeated, he sat back on the bed, feeling a strange sense of relief mingled with guilt.

“She’s not coming?” asked y/n without opening her eyes, her voice still sleepy.

“No, she’s not,” he admitted quietly.

“I’m sorry, baby,” she murmured, reaching out to touch his arm.

“Thanks,” Kaz replied, feeling unsure of what the right thing to do was. “I had the whole day planned,” he chuckled dryly, “I’m a fucking idiot.”

“You’re not. How could you know?”

“And you? Plans?” he asked, shifting the conversation to y/n, perfectly aware of the risks.

“Just going to the gym, cleaning my room, nothing important. I’m off from work. Can you get my birth control pill? It’s in the nightstand.”

Kaz got up and fetched the small pill from the blister pack. y/n stuck out her tongue, and he carefully placed it on it, a small smile forming on his lips at the playful gesture.

“Can we sleep a few more hours?” Kaz asked, exhausted from the sleepless night and the heavy disappointment.

“Of course, love. Come here.”

Kaz crawled back into bed, finding comfort in her warmth. As he settled down, he realized he felt less guilty about his time with y/n. The ache of Inej’s absence still lingered, but in y/n's arms, he found a fleeting solace. He closed his eyes, hoping to escape into sleep and away from the turmoil of his emotions.

They slept until the early hours of the afternoon, the haze of the night lingering as Kaz dropped y/n off at the gym. His mind was a whirl of thoughts as he drove to meet Jesper. He needed to vent about Inej, about everything, and Jesper was always a willing ear.

Jesper was in a good mood, and luckily, he didn't mention y/n. Kaz spent the next hour unloading his frustrations about Inej, feeling abandoned by her constant absence. Inej didn't call, didn't text, too caught up in whatever she was doing. Kaz really wanted to get drunk, but he had to work that night. The boss wanted him to close some deals, and he couldn't afford to mess up.

As he tried to focus on organizing his papers, Kaz's mind kept drifting back to the previous night. How surreal and good it had been. y/n's friends were actually funny, all a bit deranged. He suspected that if he hadn't been there, their conversation would have escalated to something else pretty quickly.

y/n was always in his mind, and he knew that it was wrong, that they were blurring the boundaries of their relationship too much, but Kaz couldn't help but feel less lonely than he had ever been in his entire life. He tried to remind himself that he paid her for that time together, but the connection was undeniable. If she didn't think that they were at least friends, she was an Oscar-deserving actress.

As if y/n read his mind, she sent him a picture. Apparently, she was watching the last episode of their show. His show, he corrected himself, there was no 'them.' Kaz replied with a picture of his messy desk.

‘Poor baby, working late?’ she wrote back.

He wondered if she texted this often even with other clients, but his mind refused to acknowledge the possibility.

‘Luckily I slept all morning,’ he replied.

‘Did you enjoy snoring in my ear?’

‘Very much.’

‘I’ll tape your mouth shut next time.’

Kaz skipped a beat reading ‘next time.’ They were playing with each other, but he was the one who had something to lose. His relationship was at stake, and Inej's constant distance didn't help. He never had a problem with the distance in their relationship until he found out how much he liked having someone close. At the start, he was almost grateful that Inej was never there—fewer occasions to let her see how inadequate he was to fit the boyfriend role. He used to thank Ghezen that she decided to stay with him anyway.

But now that he discovered that he could be more, more present, closer, Kaz was starting to worry about the distance between them. Inej had always been the girl he loved, the only one he had ever fallen for. It had always been them, long before deciding to have an official relationship. y/n was making him discover that he was so much more, that his limits could be pushed further than he thought, and that for doing it, he needed to have someone close.

Kaz felt a surge of guilt as he reflected on this. How could he have allowed things to get so complicated? Inej had been his rock, his constant in a world full of chaos. She was the girl who knew his darkest secrets and still chose to love him. Yet, here he was, entangled with someone else who made him feel alive in ways he never knew were possible.

The realization was unsettling. Kaz prided himself on being in control, on keeping his emotions in check. But with y/n, everything was different. She brought out a side of him that he had buried long ago, a side that craved closeness and connection. He couldn't deny that their time together was more than just a transaction. It was real, and it scared him.

Kaz wondered if Inej sensed the change in him. She was perceptive, often seeing through his facades with ease. The thought of her finding out about y/n sent a chill down his spine. How could he explain that he needed someone else to discover parts of himself he didn't know existed? How could he justify his actions when he couldn't even understand them himself?

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. The stakes were higher than ever, and he was playing a dangerous game. The distance between him and Inej had once been a comfort, a way to keep his vulnerabilities hidden. Now, it was a barrier he desperately wanted to break down. But at what cost?

[danmeichael]

look if i think about domsubverse for even 2 seconds too long it becomes too silly to tolerate but in many ways it is such a pure unadulterated expression of kink in a way i find myself fascinated by.

omegaverse is generally impossible to fully separate from social commentary because it is rooted in exaggerated bioessentialism for the sake of fetishism, as well as in many case being like, an estranged cousin to sissy fetish. see: bitching

a lot of people like to lean into this, and to explore the sociopolitical aspect of it but even if you try to ignore it it's still there, because it's hard-coded in in a way a lot of people don't necessarily realize or want to deal with when writing their fetish porn.

it is a campy blown out of proportion porn parody of real life gender politics that also doesn't quite fit. it sticks out awkwardly at the edges. it is to gender what zootopia is to race. if you try to 1-to-1 map feminist theory onto omegaverse you are going to shoot yourself gloriously in the foot and descend into accidental tradwife ideology by virtue of omegaverse, first and foremost, being fetish porn about getting so horny you feel like you're going to die.

domsubverse is almost completely separated from this by virtue of not being so directly analogous to gender, but also by being so fucking unserious.

i've rarely seen dsv where the dom/sub status of the characters impacts their job prospects nearly as much as omega/alpha does with omegaverse because that would feel incredibly outrageously stupid. we can't hire you because you like getting your ass spanked even though half the population also likes getting their ass spanked. your ass is just too spankable. people will die. sorry.

doms particularly are granted more control over their actions than alphas in omegaverse. the characters may fall ill due to not domming or being dommed, but they are rarely completely overcome by instinct to the degree of putting others at risk.

the genre ends up being used more as an allegory for a fear of intimacy than anything, of people who feel the necessity to hide a vulnerable part of themselves out of fear that it would be detested.

the drama is typically just usual relationship drama reframed through the lens of the dsv. i never effectively communicated my wants to my partner and that left both of us hurting, i wanted more than my partner was comfortable giving me, my partner and i decided to break up because we needed different things out of the relationship.

it is, despite being significantly sillier imo, somehow way more grounded than omegaverse and the fact that it's more grounded prevents it from falling into the same pitfalls as omegaverse.

however i cannot stress enough: it exists purely as absurdist fetish porn that is really just hypno with extra steps and an omegaverse sheet on its head.

and then guideverse is perhaps the purest distillation of omegaverse-style fetishes in that it has almost entirely abstracted itself from gender roles entirely and is instead used moreso as allegory for being a workaholic with intimacy issues.

[minhosbitterriver]

*boop* hi green :3

i hope your birthday went well and you had fun for the whole day<3

i think you wont be surprised when i say i came with yet another request... but !! i came up with this idea yesterday during my lectures and honestly i dont think there's anyone else than you who could write it perfectly so here i am<3

so, i was think about changbin with a shy, reserved s/o who's scared of intimacy - not only sex but simply initiating physical contact with him and being seen naked. and one day changbin would suggest doing some kind of ‘excercise’ where both of them would slowly and patiently undress each other and binnie would instruct them to touch him - his face, chest, back, everything. the reader would obviously be scared, but gradually would try to overcome their fears. there might be some tears, maybe the reader would be like “binnie, i can’t do this, please close your eyes” but eventually would end up tracing their fingers down changbin’s body.

it might end up with a soft, fluffy smut with lots of praises but it doesn’t have to, just write whatever you feel comfortable with<3 thank you so so much, please take your time, i’ll be patient❤️

sending you lots of love, mwah😽

Merin 😭 when you said you’d be patient I don’t think you expected me to take a whole seven months to post this IM SO SORRY IM SO EMBARRASSED 😖😖😖 This fic has honestly been through it like I lost count of how many times I wrote this, deleted it, rewrote it, deleted it, rewrote it…only for me to end up going for my original plan 💀

As you might remember, my birthday was spent pretty much in bed since I was sick but the following seven months have been…something! It’s all good though and I’m quite content with what my life looks like at the moment, you know, all things considered. I’ve been writing so much lately so I’m really happy about that. What about you babe, how have you been???

As always, feel free to request anything else and I promise I’ll try to do better about responding because what the fuck even was that IM SORRY AGAIN 😭😖 Anyways I love you so much and I’ve missed you so much mwah! ── ( 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬 )

🎇 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒 🎇

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ) ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 ) 2.8k

[cherubofthenight]

i'm somewhat prepared for my 20s

here's what i learned:

- You gotta save yourself; no one's gonna do it for you. Everyone has their own life, so take charge of yours!

- Starting over? You can do that whenever you want—it's unlimited! And remember, your body can tell you when a relationship isn’t giving you what you need and deserve.

- Stay away from people who are too scared to live life. And those who make fun of or insult you as a "joke"? Yeah, it's never really a joke. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about your well-being and support you.

- People that don't have goals aren't for people who do.

- Are you your second option? No. So why would you be anyone else’s?

- Being single is a blessing, but if you do get into/are in a relationship make sure you have hobbies or hyper-fixation onto said person will most likely happen if it hasn't happened yet.

- Retinol at 25 is a must—it promotes collagen production and helps prevent fine lines and early signs of aging. And don’t forget sunscreen! Skin cancer is real—ask Hugh Jackman.

- Setting limits and boundaries is key to protect yourself in any relationship. Avoid oversharing, too! Think about the level of intimacy and trust with the person. If they seem disinterested or uncomfortable, that’s your cue to change the subject. Be clear about what topics you’re willing to discuss, and practice saying no when it comes to personal matters. Past experiences of oversharing can serve as good reminders to guard your privacy.

- Take care of your appearance. dress right, eat right, accessorize, etc.

- Get comfortable saying "no" without feeling guilty. Taking care of yourself should never feel like a chore; if it does, something's off.

- Never chase a man; that's just a waste of energy.

- Get your driver’s license and buy/start saving for a car like, now!

- Law of detachment. cultivating inner peace, focus on the present & and trusting yourself.

- Taking care of & bettering yourself should never feel like a chore

- Meditate—clearer mind means better decisions. Socialize and network; just get out of the house sometimes. But don’t be everywhere all the time. Your feelings matter, and only you know what you’ve been through.

- People come and go, and I like to see it as the universe teaching me lessons about the type of people I want in my life.

- Be particular with whom you share let into your space.

- Pleasing people will get you nowhere.

- Try new things, build new skills. sign up for freakin skillshare if you have to girl just DO SOMETHING.

- Sometimes you just gotta say "my future husband/wife/spouse would never" and move on.

- Vision boards. keep that future 'range rover pilates mom who works only when she wats to bc she and her spouse are STACKED' ver of yourself in your mind esp when you make life changing decisions.

- As the person living your life, you're the main character which means you should become someone that YOU love and stay true to them. you gotta be able to challenge yourself and then have faith that you can overcome and win always. you're probably still gonna care what people think, but your opinion of yourself should always matter the most. i don't wanna keep living by what i think someone is gonna think of me and then in 5-10 years im a bum who hasn't done shit for her self because she chose to live in fear yk.

- Perspective matters. always be the 'glass half-full' type of person. never focus on lack, celebrate whatever abundance you and practice gratitude. it helps so much in terms of focusing on and thus manifesting positivity in your life.

- Start taking care of your health now, your older self is gonna thank you.

- Knowledge is indeed power. stay curious, ask questions, do that research, read those books, watch those video essays.

- Take the time to get to know yourself—go out, stay in, try new things, and find out what you like and dislike. Avoid comparing yourself to others; you’re on your own separate journey.

- Financial literacy is essential. Learn to save, budget, and invest now; 30 year old you will be thanking you, once again miss range rover pilates mom.

- Not everyone is going to like you, and that's totally okay.

- Invest in your mental health; it’ll help you cope, make better decisions, and maintain healthy relationships while reducing burnout.

- It’s okay to be lazy sometimes! Everyone burns out, and that doesn’t make you less than anyone. Take your time and focus on yourself. Do things that bring you joy.

- Embrace mistakes; they’re essential for growth and give you more experience to handle adversity with confidence. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, so you’re never alone in that.

- You just got here! Calm down, breathe, chill, and relax. It’s okay not to have everything figured out right now. You’re going to find what’s meant for you—just enjoy the journey and have faith that everything will work out, no matter how hard things seem.

[cinamun]

hi! okay—first off? the masterful way in which you’re able to invoke such thoughtful conversations with your storytelling is everything to me. every update of TFA feels like a character study of people we’ve all encountered at some point in our lives! it’s beautiful, really.

secondly! with that being said, i wanted to pick your brains a bit about indira! i don’t know if you’ve ever talked about this before, but regarding our girl’s preference for non-exclusive relationships—how much of it would you attribute to her personality, and how much could be considered a trauma response?

considering all that she’s been through, given her own experience with an overly (wrongfully) possessive man in her life that overstepped SEVERALLLL boundaries [+ having to witness the aftermath of what elijah…rip…did to hope] i just always got the vibe that those things collectively made her very wary of wanting a man to ever feel that comfortable with having a ‘claim’ to her. which is understandable! but the idea also makes me very sad for her; since so much of her current mindset towards dating seems like more of a trauma response than anything.

like yes! as a 21 year old myself, i get the idea of wanting to be free and wanting to date around! but is indira really dating? or is she just entertaining people to avoid looking deeper at a bigger problem/fear that she has, and isn’t willing to overcome at this current point in her life? both things are valid, but i just wanted to hear your take as the storyteller because indira is SUCH an interesting character to me, and i’d love to get a deep-dive on her mindset because i relate to…well…almost all of her story 😭 and i’ve found that my own take on dating has shifted drastically due to my experiences with men in the past. where indira is avoidant but still interested in pursuing SOME form of intimacy/companionship, i’ve staunchly sworn off sex and use dating apps as a means to test the waters to ‘see if i’m even ready to date’ … and i’m not. which almost always leads to me getting overstimulated and ghosting after a day or two of light conversation, lol. so this could easily just be me projecting! but either way, i’d love to hear your thoughts!)

Good morning friend! If we aren't taking a deep dive at the human condition, what are we even doing? lol I very much enjoy picking apart our behaviors and why we do the things that we do. Why not put these pixels in Situations™ and then pick it apart in the replies and asks and sometimes DMs?

About Indira...

She is her mother's child and her wanting to date with no strings attached is part of her personality. Indira is healthy, she's happy, she's wealthy and she's beautiful. Why can't it just be that she has no desire to be anything more than what she wants? If a man sleeps around, we don't question it most times. But as soon as we saw a grown, independent, emotionally stable Dira sleep with two men while telling them exactly what their role was, we decided she was foul and something must be 'wrong'.

I find that fascinating!

Why can't it just be that Indira is having fun and living life? Why can't it just be that she is young, carefree and likes big dicks and big wallets?

Having said that, we have yet to hear from Dira how the experience with Rahul and Ryker may have shaped her as an individual (not just who she sleeps with). We saw bits and pieces about how Elliot's demise impacted her and certainly it wasn't a positive impact. Luckily, Dr. Carter, the family therapist, took turns with each of the Drake children after The Tragedy on the Pier™. She didn't have to go through it alone and worked hard in theraphy to develop healthy boundaries and work through the trauma.

Needless to say, there is so much more to come with her. We've only caught glimpses because the story has gone in a few different directions since her debut in Tomarang as a brand new young adult. I do hope you stay tuned for what is to come!

[intheorangebedroom]

Hi Maddie! I hope you are having a wonderful September and you are enjoying the start of autumn. This might sound obsessed or weird, but PTMY and TYBTM are seriously some of my favorite things I've ever read... ever, like I'm putting it up there with novels I've read. It is insane to me how much talent there is in this fandom. Like the Pedro girlies are literal authors, putting out works of art. For me, you are the best of the best! Obviously, both stories have me very hot and bothered lol, but it's just the way you write intimacy and relationships, the peculiarities of your characters and the world's they inhabit so brilliantly, beautifully. I'm sure you know that at times you write like it is poetry! It is so immersive and I love it deeply. My question (apologies in advance) is about writing. I was wondering if you have any tips on (a) how you have improved as a writer, like in terms of how you've been to find your style? (b) how to overcome perfectionism? I've been wanting to take a crack at some Frankie ideas I've had, but I get so weighed down by self doubt and inertia. And also, I worry it's just not original enough. Okay, sorry for the rant! I will never be as good as you OBVIOUSLY lol, but for you I am grateful. I'm so excited for the next part of TYBTM and sad we are almost halfway to the end. I'm so excited for whatever you have in store for the future. Sending you so much love and hope you're having a great day.

Hey Nonnie 🧡

I apologise in advance for the length of this answer. 

Your kindness, your generosity and your time mean everything to me. I’m the worst at expressing gratitude when I’m paid a compliment. "Compliment" doesn't cut it to qualify what you said about my stories, it’s too much, it’s so incredibly kind. You made me so soft but also so much stronger. Thank you 🧡 My first impulse upon reading your message was to throw away my phone and scream I’VE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK I’M DOING but I owe it to you to at least try to answer you. Also do you need some blood? A kidney? I have two. You name it it's yours.

I would like to start with the second part of your question, if you don’t mind. 

I have never ever thought any given piece I wrote to be perfect. At best, I think it’s not that bad, but that’s when I read it again a month after posting, because at the time I post it, it’s more like omfg if I read that shit one more time I’m gonna stab myself in the eye.” 

But life is too short for perfectionism. I’m sorry to be speaking like an old fart, but it is. You blink and it’s over. If you have a milligram of creativity in you, do not hesitate. Channel it. Create what you want, what you like. I’m serious. DO IT. Enjoy doing it. 

Self-doubt is a fucking bag of dicks. I’m riddled with it. In every corner of my existence. Every step of the way. Every word I type (not in my mother tongue…). How many times have I wanted to give up, especially during PTMY. The current tybtm chapter has fucking killed me dead. I hate it. It’s not good. Bad. But I’m forty fucking five years old and I’ll be damned if I let self-doubt and fear prevent me from achieving what I set out to do.

When I came back to tumblr in 2020, I saw numerous posts saying “you write for yourself first,” and I did not really understand what they meant. It’s nice to have an audience! It’s nice to be liked and validated! It’s nice to connect with people over something you’ve created. Musicians play live, and get a hell of a kick out of it, right? Why not us, writers? And one day, I think at the beginning of tybtm, it hit me. I understood. Fuck yeah I’m doing this for me. Because I need it. I need to tell this story. I need the satisfaction of having done it. The entire process makes me both incandescently happy and abysmally miserable, and you know what? That’s the fucking spice of life. I want both. I am alive when I write. Through the pleasure and the pain. So if you need it too, well, go for it. Don't let anyone, including you, tell you you're not good enough. Got for it.

There are 99% of chances that what you’re gonna write has already been written. So what? It hasn’t been written by you. No one sees people, life, or Frankie the way you do. Even if you write an age-old trope, even if you write the same trope over and over again in every story (me!), you’ll still bring your own precious singularity to the story, the characters, and the narration. That’s worth EVERYTHING. Please trust me. Maybe no one will like it. Maybe every one will like it. Whatever. At the end of the day, you still did what you set your heart on. I cannot stress enough how important this is. Carpe diem, baby.

Then, how did I improve as a writer, oh Nonnie, I’ve no idea. I don’t think I’m any good. I don’t think I am legitimate to give you any advice. 49.5% of the time, I think I’m too much (too gothic, too lyrical, too big with the feelings and emotions). 49.5% of the time, I think I’m not enough (not precise, concise, clear, good enough). But alright, I’ll try. For you. But please bear in mind I say all this in the most humble spirit.  

I write. All the time. In my head, in the shower, walking in the street, driving, aaaaaall the time. And then I type it down in a doc. And edit it and revise it again and again and again, until it feels smoother and/or I want to puke at the thought of having to go through it again. 

I try to take my time without panicking. If I’m stuck or in a bad mental place, I try to let it rest a bit.

My first year at uni, I studied screenplay writing. I would be unable to tell you precisely what I learned, but I think some of it is ingrained? In terms of conveying intentions through actions and dialogues (I know I tend to write pages and pages of introspection, and I swear I try to restrain myself, even if it doesn’t always translate to the doc).

Then, I’m an art vampire. I soak up everything I can, especially painting, music, and movies. I let it inspire me. I take notes on my feelings, fleeting emotions that I can’t articulate at first, and reflect and work on them until they become fully formed ideas I can inject in the writing. 

I read. A lot. And sometimes not at all when it feeds the self-doubt (comparison, you bitch!). I wait until I feel better, stronger. It may take time. 

With books/fanfics and movies, I analyse the narrative process employed. What I liked or disliked, what moved me, what didn’t. I take notes. To that effect, you can read reblogs of your favourite fics! Sometimes people reblog with some pretty neat analyses, just soak it up!

My obsession is finding the Right Word. I can spend days on the quest. A thesaurus helps. And sometimes it doesn’t. I also read my stuff out loud, because I like when it has a certain rhythm. And when the meaning of a sentence doesn’t work in a rhythm, I rework it tirelessly until it does. Fun times... 

I want to say that if you take the leap and start writing, after a while, you will feel instinctually what works for you. What feels right in terms of personal style. Maybe at the beginning you'll subconsciously write like someone else, but with practice and patience, your style will come out. If you need someone to cheer you on, I'm here.

Oh yeah because, very important, I whine to the very good angel friends in my phone whenever I’m stuck (they will recognise themselves if they read this)(okay they are @dreamymyrrh and @pedrit0-pascalit0). I forfeit all dignity and beg them for virtual hugs. I don't know what I did to deserve them.

And lastly, I have been privileged to witness the genius of Kelli ( @frannyzooey ) in the works and wow. She's it for me. Everything she writes resonates with me, so I just soak. it. up.  

So yeah. to sum it up: carpe diem and be a vampire 🦇

Hope that helps 🧡

I’m also gonna leave that here: 

Claire ( @just-here-for-the-moment ) is one of the best people I’ve been fortunate enough to meet here. She’s patient, sweet, kind, and SO FUCKING SMART. Don't be afraid to reach out.

Nonnie, again, I'm so sorry this is so long. I sincerely hope you'll find something useful in all this gibberish. If not, come back to my ask box with any question. And again, thank you 🧡 From the bottom of my broken vampire heart, thank you 🧡

[asakiyumemishiii]

The Steve Harrington to Jamie Tartt to Evan Buckey pipeline. The way they've all been my hyperfixation this year and we can clearly tell why.

Questionably shitty parents. Cannot maintain a relationship. Or at least tries and fails. Cocky to sweet character arc. Good with children. Steve is so good with the kids in the show. Jamie is good with Roy's niece. And Evan literally takes care of Eddie’s son so well that Eddie made him his son’s legal guardian should anything happen to him.

The way they just like are always saving the day, whether directly or indirectly- they always have a part in making a situation better. But it’s in the most reckless way that it’s like practically self-destructive or like kind of self-sabotaging. They're the Hero Character™️, even though they're not even the main character.

They all kind of have like gay best friends too! Or like they themself are super gay coded. Robin comes out to Steve. Colin comes out to the entire team and then everyone is like, “Oh I thought Jamie was the gay one!” And then Jamie doesn’t even deny it, which is crazy. And Buck literally kisses a man. AND both Buck and Steve have insane tension/chemistry with a dude named Eddie LIKE…

The way like people don't even like any of these three characters at the start of their shows. They’re annoying, arrogant, cocky, overconfident, etc… Despite having reason for being that way, like, yeah, they're overconfident but only because they do have the skills to back them up. Steve has charisma and is generally dorky/charming, even though he's like kind of an obnoxious idiot at the same time. Jamie is literally insanely good at football in season one, and he hasn’t even reached his full potential! Buck is also an idiot but he is admittedly still a good firefighter, just careless. And they all just progressively get better without losing their charm. If anything, Jamie becomes so puppy coded, but like in a good way. They all just go from being annoying (derogatory) to annoying (affectionate).

Steve projecting his implied negative family situation onto the kids that he continuously puts his life on the line to save and protect. Jamie having an abusive dad and finding his found family in the Richmond team and also doing his best to make sure they stay at the top of the ranks and don’t get relegated again. Buck having shit parents, but finding family and strength in the 118 firehouse. Steve Harrington, Jamie Tartt and Evan Buckley finding their found family in somewhere and someone that they would have never expected. All three of them learning from the people around them and just genuinely realising their flaws and then actively working to change themselves for the greater good.

Steve hanging around Robin and Dustin and slowly realising that they’re the kind of people who he should have surrounded himself with from the start. Because both of them didn’t cater to his fake King Steve persona but rather bantered with him and treated him for the Guy he is and saw him at his lowest and still stayed. Jamie spending time with the Richmond team and learning how fulfilling it feels to be a good team player, and letting himself be a real person around them and also being vulnerable with Roy because he gets over himself and his prince prick behaviour because he genuinely wants to form real connections with his team so he’ll stop feeling so isolated and then he just becomes so much better. Buck working on being less callous in both his words and actions with his team, realising that his impulsivity can affect other people and learning how to save others more carefully. Buck realising he uses sex to deflect his problems so he starts overcoming his fear of real intimacy by letting more people in.

Steve and Robin beefing at the start but they end up besties. It’s the same with Jamie and Sam, or Jamie and Roy, and again we see it between Buck and the 118 and Buck and Eddie.

The way like all these characters have depth, even if they’re all such a cliches. It's the way that they have so much to them, but the people around them often treat them like they're idiots. Like yes, there have been many, many times where they DO behave like total idiots thus it makes sense that their friends treat them as such, but like, they also have so many moments where they're genuinely smart.

Jamie is rude at the start and lacks tact, but he’s still super strategic both on and off the pitch. It irks me that it takes 3 seasons for him to realise that his team trusts his judgement but the sheer awe and disbelief on his face when he sees that his team is actually listening to him when he’s explaining the Total Football play is so heartwarming. He’s finally seeing that his team isn’t treating him like he’s being stupid on purpose and damn it, this should have happened sooner. Also the fact that Jamie was the only one who executed the play correctly? I love me a smart man.

Then there's Buck who has moments where he's suggesting new rescue tactics and everyone is like, ‘Oh wow Buck that's actually pretty smart!’ Which is so annoying sometimes that they treat him like he never has good ideas. Sure he’s a dork but it shouldn’t be so surprising that he can think on the spot like that. He’s a grown man who’s good at his job and has spent years working an insane variety of jobs which just gives him more experience in so many other things and not just firefighting. Also they keep saying ‘Buck you’re being too Buck’ and they mean it negatively like when he’s genuinely inquiring why people didn’t call Animal Control during that landslide/zoo episode but everyone brushes him off like he’s asking stupid questions? But then other times when he performs well, they say ‘Good job being Buck, Buck,’ like it’s suddenly a good thing. So which one is it? The team treats him like him being himself is a good or bad thing depending on the situation which is kind of fucked up because it shouldn’t be a conditional thing.

And then there’s Steve who often gets treated like he’s stupid by Dustin (which is crazy because they were super buddy-buddy in season 3) and the other kids and it’s like… He was the first one to notice the obvious clue in the the russian code. He’s the one who dove into the lake first because he knows he’s the strongest swimmer. He’s the one that saved Jonathan in season 1 because he had an instinct that something was wrong. People just look at him and think he’s a just some pretty boy with nice hair but he has always saved their asses. He’s selfless and thinks things through despite the others thinking otherwise and he actively wants to be helpful.

Something something people treating Steve, Jamie and Buck like they’re pretty accessories sometimes but they’re all smart and intuitive when need be.

OH! Steve Harrington falling down the popularity ranks when Billy Hargrove gets introduced. Steve realising that he’s not the hottest shit anymore but he doesn’t even care about that in the end. Jamie seeing Zava get integrated into the team and hating his fucking guts, not only because he’s upset about not being the best anymore, but because Zava is tearing up his team’s dynamic. Buck being the coolest guy in the 118 and then Eddie gets introduced so now he has to grapple with these changes that now there’s another cooler guy (but he learns to love him teehee). RAGH!

Their character development is so special to me! It's like their persona literally changes. Like Steve goes from being flirty, arrogant, to wanting a meaningful relationship in season four. His self-identity cracks. He makes up his King Steve persona and pretends to care about being prom king and hangs around Tommy H because he thought that kind of superficial shit mattered but he learns that it doesn’t. He just starts embracing being a babysitter and the more time he spends around real people who actually care about him, the more his old identity chips away and it’s so nice to witness.

Jamie literally goes from being an individual player to such a good team player. He even says it himself that he’s becoming the better kind of man that Keeley said he could be. He's so aware that he wasn't a good person and he actively seeks to build better bridges with everyone. The fact that he put himself out there to individually apologise to everyone in both words and actions because he’s so fucking serious about wanting to stop being a piece of shit and then it works!

And Buck literally calls himself versions Buck 1.0, 2.0 and 3.0 because he KNOWS that he's changing for the better. It happens so early in the show too. He’s learns that he can’t save everyone, learns to stop being afraid to let people see who he is, learns to stand up to his parents, fights to save Maddie and Eddie’s son; just altogether becoming a literal Hero. UGH! I can’t be coherent about Buck’s character journey because it’s so insane to me.

All of them… all of them are like the same! But even though they're same, they have their own individuality to them. BUT STILL! They're all literally the fucking same. It’s clear that I have a favourite and very definitive character archetype.

Anyway! I need a Steve Harrington, Jamie Tartt, Evan Buckley edit right now!

[clarynewme]

Hi, I loved your detailed reading. 😍😍 Can you also do my chart reading for future spouse? Like when I'll meet him or I've already met him? And something more about him. My DoB is the 5th sept, 1998 and time 8:07pm.

I've been single for so long and all my friends are in a relationship. I'm like when I'll find the one.

Thank you for putting your time, effort and knowledge ❤️😍

Hi😊 For your reading I am going to use mostly vedic astrology.

In D1 chart aquarius saturn is transiting your 12th house moon 5th lord + ketu aspecting your 7th lord mercury in leo 6th house (rahu + venus + sun) by 7th aspect indicating that you might meet your future spouse or longterm partner this year, but there could be a certain delay or obstacles perhaps due to your past traumas/fear of vulnerability or deep connections (achieve emotional maturity). You might meet this person online, through friends/groups, social networks, dreams(manisfestation/spirituality), work, daily routine, shared hobbies, etc. This gives me past lives partners/soulmates, slow burn/serious romance, friends to lovers or online dating. Actually the delay could potentially be that your partner comes from a foreign land (foreigner) or you can become friends online and then later meet in person to have a romantic relationship.

Rahu/ketu pisces/virgo transit is affecting your pisces jupiter Darakaraka in 1st house and significator of spouse/marriage and your 7th house so this is already another strong confirmation of meeting your fs this year as well a past life partner due to ketu in virgo 7th house. You might be rethinking about relationships and how it affects your happiness, beliefs, spirituality, personal desires, self growth and the way you see the world; you might be going through a transformative period maybe related to your career (jupiter is also your 10th lord) when you meet this person.

With taurus jupiter transiting 3rd house aspecting all the aquarius placements (exception ketu) including saturn transit in 12th house by 10th aspect it brings abundance, support and optimism helping you guys meet sooner and overcome obstacles in the relationship , mitigate misunderstandings, share interests/goals and values, communicating openly about your feelings fears/traumas, healing, transformation, etc.

MOON CHART (considering moon as rising)

Aquarius saturn transit is affecting your 1st/7th axis related to you and your relationships, confirmating everything I've said AGAIN👀👀👀. You could also meet through creative business/projects.

Pisces/virgo rahu/ketu is affecting your Darakaraka in 2nd house, making you focus on financial stability,  you might experience unexpected changes related to your family or financial stability or self worth, earning money, fame and recognition (jupiter here is 11th lord), reflecting about values, intimacy/deep connections, spirituality and fears/traumas->transformative period AGAIN. Be careful with high expectations/illusion vs reality and overindulgence (overspending).

D9 CHART 

In your D9 chart Jupiter in taurus is transiting 7th lord taurus venus in 7th house indicating that your future spouse might be meeting you this year🫣. You might be meeting through creative business, travel/education, friends/groups, social networks(media), legal/contracts, etc. You might grow and overcome obstacles related to finances/family/business.

With aquarius saturn transit in 4th house aspecting the aspect above this could cause delays/challenges for your future spouse related to family or home, moving away (long distance), power struggles, emotional stability, etc.

Pisces/virgo rahu/ketu is transiting your 5th/11th house axis so your future spouse might be focusing on dating, engaging in new hobbies, creativity, trying to balance his personal desires/goals/romantic relationships/spirituality with social endeavours/friendships/stability, etc.

D7 CHART

Looking at your D7 chart you have saturn in aquarius transit affecting your 7th lord mercury in leo in 9th house by 7th aspect indicating that you might travel to meet your future spouse this year or you might meet him through higher education. However with the saturn influence in the 3rd house there could be delays in meeting, communication barriers, misunderstandings related to beliefs/spirituality, long distance relationship, talking online, etc.

Rahu/ketu pisces/virgo is affecting 4th house pisces with moon and ketu and 10th house with virgo venus + jupiter + rahu. This indicates a major transformative period in your life related to career, home and family in general, you might move away, get a job offer in another country, study abroad, falling in love with a past life partner ->your future spouse maybe👀,(10th lord mercury in 9th house), experiencing complex emotions/traumas (8th lord moon) or issues with family/mother figure, changing your beliefs/self expression, etc.

When jupiter, saturn, rahu/ketu are transiting in the same or opposite sign of sun, saturn, rahu/ketu in D7 chart it indicates a major event might happen during this time of your life like meeting your future spouse or a partner, engagement, pregnancy, marriage, career,success,fame, breakup, divorce, moving out, etc.(This technique is by Camila Regina from tiktok).  

NOTE1: Taurus jupiter is transiting until next year 9 june 2025 so 2025 is a good chance as well.

DASHA/TIME PERIODS

You are currently running jupiter-venus dasha from 27 september 2023 till 29 may 2026 which is great for marriage/meeting spouse ( jupiter is your Darakaraka and signifies spouse; venus -> love + conjunct your 7th lord mercury in D1 + 7th lord in D9).

I am leaning towards pisces eclipse in september and virgo eclipse in october that will affect your jupiter Darakaraka ->spouse.

You also have good chances next year 2025 specially during pisces saturn transit in march influencing your pisces jupiter Darakaraka in D1 and 5th house in D9 chart (serious longterm romantic relationships); gemini jupiter transit in may that will affect your 5th house from moon chart(dating/hobbies/creativity),  7th house saturn in D7 chart activating longterm relationships/marriage and mula  sagittarius sun in D7 (husband/father); aquarius/leo rahu/ketu transit in may will be affecting your 7th lord in D1, D7 and moon chart, among other factors. (You can expect great things next year when it comes to relationships 👀😳)

If you want to know time periods or more you can DM me. 

NOTE2: Remember that we might have many soulmates and potential long term partners.

Update: From the conversation we've had, the day you met your crush is really interesting👀🫣😳 moon was in pisces transiting over jupiter Darakaraka (spouse/longterm partner); venus and mars were transiting your cancer mars in 5th house of dating; saturn was in aquarius aspecting by 7th aspect your leo mercury 7th lord D1/D7/moon charts (spouse/longterm partner) including venus (love); Jupiter was in aries conjunct rahu transit affecting your aries mars in 5th house of D7 chart (dating), sun + mercury were in taurus activating your 7th houve and 7th lord venus in D9 chart (spouse), aries jupiter was transiting your leo venus (trine), etc.

DARAKARAKA = JUPITER

In regards to your pisces purva bhadrapada jupiter Darakaraka in 1st house your spouse could embody these characteristics: similar to you (mirror you ->twinflame), make you aware of your blind spots, bring sudden luck/abundance in your life, wise, wealthy, fortunate, lucky, sweet, spiritual, hot, transformative, attractive, passive agressive, creative, romantic, dreamy yet practical, dualistic, talented, well educated, family oriented, "ideal husband", generous, optimistic, courageous, psychic, intuitive, ambitious, values family, spirituality/religion, creativity, philosophy, higher learning, travelling; supportive, leader, loves water sports and nature, flexible, overgiving, aloof, pessimistic, know it all, blunt, lazy, etc.

7TH LORD D1

Your 7th lord of D1 is magha mercury conjunct venus + rahu + purva phalguni sun 6th house indicating that your spouse/long term partner might be: younger than you, might work with you, hot, attractive, energetic, active, creative, spiritual, influential, organized, analytical, conflict resolution skills, takes care of himself, service oriented, romantic, diplomat;values communication, heritage, father, family, money, aesthetics, beauty and luxury; beautiful, sensual, affectionate, well dressed, leader, charming, charismatic, passionate, creative, confident,persuasive, generous, assertive, famous, wealthy, regal nature, tricky, unpredictable, flirty, unique routine, unconventional, intelligent, dualistic, honest/blunt, loyal, wise, sense of humor, good natured, dramatic, social engaging, proud, loves his friends, egoistic, arrogant, need for validation/recognition, wants to leave a legacy, strong, transformative, intense, supportive, loves nature, animals, sports, fitness and arts, gift giving/receiving, acts of service, competitive, loud communicator, know it all, nitpicking, critical, neat freak, vain, gym rat, logic vs emotions, codependency, conflicts at work, etc.

7th lord Mercury is aspecting shatabhisha aquarius moon and ketu in 12th house by 7th aspect which means future spouse or longterm partner might struggle balancing his complex emotions/dreams/spirituality/creativity/mental health/freedom with stability/routine/reality/practicality/physical health/union. This also applies to you, so you would have to communicate with each other, establish priorities, be aware of escapism tendencies, work together creatively in a disciplined way, do meditation together, helping each other heal from past traumas/fears, etc.

Lastly mercury is aspecting aries saturn ashwini in 2nd house by 9th aspect indicating that he might be stable, disciplined, step forward when it comes to planning finances, earn money through communication or writing career fields, focused on building a strong foundation(family/home/finances). Though with saturn debilitated in aries he could be impulsive, a risk taker, overspending, agressive, critical,nitpicking your spending habits causing frustration and misunderstandings. Communication is essential. Financial gains can come later in your lives (after saturn return you will notice that everything was worth it).

7TH LORD D9

7th lord in D9 nakshatra and sign could also show future spouse characteristics and how will be the marriage.

You have 7th lord venus in taurus rohini in 7th house so there is another strong confirmation of practicality, financial/emotional stability, sensuality, creativity, family, nurture, care, romance, playfulness, creative projects/business together, fame/status, balance, harmony, patience, beauty, affection, physical touch, acts of service, spoiling gifts, strenght to overcome obstacles in the relationship, etc;

APPEARANCE + CAREER + SYMBOLISM

When it comes to appearance fs would have big forehead/feet/head/hair; masculine features; strong jawline; beautiful thin/small defined abs/chest; strong bone structure; youthful appearance; angular/sharp features; pouty features; average to tall height; unique/exotic or exagerated features (ex:large eyes), different culture maybe, symetrical/balanced features; etc (You can find more from Camila Regina tiktok🤌)

For your future spouse career I am trying out this tecnique the 10th sign from 7th lord in D1 or D9 could indicate possible fields: 

D1 Taurus: anything related to banking, real estate, culinary arts, beauty, wellness, music, performing arts, luxury, retail, garneing, horticulture, agriculture, farming, finances, law, management, creative arts, entrepreneur, education, etc

D9 Aquarius: anything related to spirituality, technology, engineering, healthcare, alternative medicine, arts, creativity, research and development, entrepreneur, environment, science, politics, social service and community, charities, activism, etc.

Regarding your meeting, pay attention to symbolisms of these signs: 

Aquarius: color aqua, waterfall, watercarrier, spirituality,  tarot, astrology, Internet, technology, online, science, sea animals, dam, arts, accident, sudden/fast, race cars, subway, train, Electricity, aquarium, social media, groups, friends, lovestruck, lightning, spirituality, etc.

NOTE3: aquarius 4x

(This technique is by Camila Regina on tiktok💗)

Vedic Astrology placements D1/D9 (includes atmakaraka AK):

Leo/Aquarius/Virgo/Pisces/Gemini/Sagittarius/Cancer/Capricorn/Scorpio/Taurus

Mercury, Sun, venus, jupiter, rahu, ketu nakshatras/influence

I found this new technique that 7th lord sign/house from MOON chart indicates big 3 placements:

You have 7th lord sun in leo 7th house so the signs are Leo or Libra.

You can also try this for your future spouse or long term partner to see if it matches your big 3 placements (7th lord of moon chart must be in Leo/5th house/Pisces/12th house/Aquarius/11th house).

Okay I think I am done😅 I hope you like this reading if you do leave feedback on my page🙏 And let me know if it resonates👌it helps improving my readings🫶💜

[xojennyboo]

A/N: double update today! This one contained loads of smut. Thank you for reading and liking my stuff. This will be the last part of this mini story. Let me know what you think. There’s also a small message at the end of the chapter for anyone who needs to hear it. Love you guys. Thanks once again. Happy reading!

Y/N POV

As the months passed, dealing with what happened got easier. I continued on going to therapy, having some sessions by myself and some with Harry. When I had brought up Harry joining in on some sessions to my therapist, she instantly thought it would be a great idea considering how comfortable I felt with Harry. Harry also had private sessions by himself to talk about his feelings with everything. As the days passed by, Harry and I got closer and closer. It was weird adjusting to not spending time with one another prior, to now spending every minute together.

After doing months of therapy, I learned to stop blaming myself for what happened. I also learned so many things about myself that slowly started to make sense as the days went by. Having control of my life was important to me. I wanted to be able to be happy for myself and to be able to not break out if things didn’t go my way, things that I have overcome by therapy. As for my fears about pregnancy, I learned that it’s all about taking chances and going with the flow. Yes, it might be scary obtaining the answers to tough questions, but these are obstacles that we must surpass. After facing my fears to obtaining the answers to my fertility questions, I decided on booking appointments to my gynecologist. I went with the same doctor who oversaw my pregnancy since I felt super comfortable with her. I had expressed my worries and she helped me get all of the fertility exams done. Harry came to some of the appointments when he wasn't busy with the last-minute arrangements for his album release. He was officially finished with it and was super excited to release it to his fans. Once the doctor provided me with the results on my fertility, I was relieved to know that I had no issues. She explained that sometimes, miscarriages can be common, especially when it's your first pregnancy. Harry came to this appointment with me, and he was very happy to know that I was okay too. Harry also decided to do a fertility test on himself with me, and his testing came back clean as well. Having him take a fertility test with me meant the world to me.

Harry moved back into our house a couple of months ago, selling his apartment. Things felt right with him here. He became super attentive with me, making sure I was okay emotionally, physically, and mentally. We cooked almost every night together and created new memories that I Cherish every day. Our relationship has been kept private from the media, only our closest family and friends knowing about it. Thomas was very happy when he found out about it. Thomas has been supportive about everything. We’ve definitely had gotten closer after everything that had happened. He occasionally came to our house for dinners or just to hang out and write music with Harry. He recently started a new relationship with one of the women who works with us. I couldn't be happier for him.

Since Harry and I decided to rekindle our romance, we haven't had any intimacy. This being that I wasn't ready emotionally. I was too scared to take that step. I had talked about it with my therapist, and she mentioned that it was okay to feel that way but that I would have to take those necessary steps to overcome. As the time passed by, the need to feel Harry intimately was consuming my thoughts almost every day. The desire to feel his naked skin against mine grew and grew each day. I knew that he felt the same way by the way he would look at me with desire. Today, I planned on taking the first step. He had a long day of meetings which gave me plenty of time to plan what I wanted to do. I was going to cook a romantic dinner for us, decorate the dining room and our bedroom with candles. Our bedroom will have rose petals are around the floor and on the bed making this very intimate and romantic.

As soon as Harry left for the day, I went to the grocery store to purchase the ingredients for tonight's dinner. I decided on cooking chicken for dinner with a creamy sauce to accompany it. I also decided on making mashed potatoes, roasted asparagus, and a bit of rice. Then I went to a flower shop to purchase enough roses for tonight. Lastly, I went to Target to purchase enough candles,the light up ones, not the real ones. Once I got home, I decided on decorating first since I knew it would be more tedious. Once finished, I started cooking dinner. Once that was done, I went back upstairs to shower, shave, get dressed and do my makeup. I decided on wearing a simple champagne colored dress that hugged my curves in the right places. Underneath, I wear a sexy lingerie set I had purchased a few days ago. it was also champagne colored, having the matching bra, thong, stockings, and garter belt to put together the whole outfit. I was definitely nervous. I went downstairs after I finished getting ready and heated up the food. It was already 6 pm. Harry usually comes home around 6:30pm, which is perfect since it gives me time to set the table. At precisely 6:15pm, I get a message from Harry saying that he's on his way home. I quickly get the champagne out of the fridge and place it on the ice bucket. I look at the time again after a couple of minutes I hear Harry pulling up in the driveway. "Get it together y/n ", I tell myself. "You're ready", I tell myself again, giving myself as much affirmation before he walks through that door. I go to the dining room to wait for him there, shaking away the last-minute nerves that have appeared in the last hour. I take a couple of deep breaths before I hear the front door open.

"y/n I'm home! It smells so good in here", I hear him say, lightly giggling at his comment. I take one last deep breath before building up the courage to answer. " Babe where are you?", I hear Harry say. "In the dining room!", I yell back so he hears me. I hear his footsteps coming closer and closer until he's fully in here. He looks shocked at first, and then a wide smile spreads across his face. "What's all of this for?", he says walking up to me placing a small peck on my lips. "I have decided to cook us a romantic dinner", I say to him. "It looks delicious ", he says admiring the table before him. "What's for dessert?", he teasingly asks, knowing that baking wasn't my expertise. With all of the confidence I had left I answered. "Me", his head snapping back towards me in shock and desire. A Mischievous smile takes me in a trance, my need for him growing intently. "Hmm. Is that so honey?", he says with a raspy voice. His arms snakes around my waist pulling me closer to him, his eyes darker than before filled with lust. "Y-yes", I stutter at the close proximity, his face getting closer to me, his eyes staring at my reaction, eyes, and lips. "Well, in that case, I think we should skip right into dessert don't you think?", he says, his lips extremely close to mine, barely touching. "Dinner will get cold", I whispered against his lips, my chest rising and falling at a quick pace. "Hmm, you're right. Let's eat then that way I can eat you afterwards ", he says, placing a kiss on my lips finally. The kiss intensifies as he pulls me closer to him, his tongue entering my mouth. My fingers go directly to his hair, tangling in his curls. He pulls away, our breathing heavy, as he walks towards my chair to pull it out for me. Still stunned, I gather myself and sit down. I feel Harry getting closer to my ear, his breathing heavy. "By the way, you look absolutely beautiful tonight", he whispers against my ear as he places a kiss on my neck before he sits down across the table from me.

How am I going to get through this dinner. That whole interaction, as simple as it was, made me wet. Harry had a thing of making everything he said super sexy, especially towards me. Or maybe it was just in my head. We eat in complete silence at first, savoring the meal I made. I poured us a glass of champagne needing it a bit more for confidence. I watched as Harry ate his dinner his jaw clenching with every bite he took. " Mmmm, so good", he moaned in satisfaction. I felt those moans directly on my clothed clit. Every bite he took of his food he would make some sort of moan or groan, making it harder to contain myself. The suppressed want and frustration for him slowly making its way out. He knew what he was doing, loving the reaction he was getting from me as I squirmed in my seat at how wet I was getting. Once we were done eating, I got up to clear the table. "Stay here", I instructed before going into the kitchen and placing everything on the island. I quickly took my dress off and let my hair down, exposing the lingerie. I felt so sexy in this it boosted my confidence more. I took a deep breath, seems I have to do that a lot nowadays, before walking back into the dining room. Harry quickly looked in my direction and gulped down the bit of champagne he had left. "On my...", he said, as he squirmed around in his seat. "Do you like it?", I ask as I walked towards him. He didn't utter a word, too stunned to speak.

"I'll take it as a, yes?", I say. He gets up abruptly, attaching his lips to mine, the force causing me to take a step back. His tongue entered my mouth swirling around with mine, tasting the champagne on his lips. "You look like such a goddess", he says. He gives me a couple more kisses before pulling away and sitting back down. "Now do me a favor baby and come sit in front of me so I can eat my dessert", he says with confidence. Jesus. I walk towards the table, getting on top of the table to position myself in front of him. Once I’m lying on the table, he gets up to admire me. He takes one of the straps that's attached to my stocking around his finger and pulls it back before letting it go causing it to snap against my skin. I moaned a little at the sensation that it gave me. “My goodness where do I start with you?", he says, unclamping the clips. He slowly reaches to the hem of the thong that I have on and removes it, bringing it up to his face and smelling it, before placing it in his packet. "You smell divine", he says as he places my foot on either side of the table, my legs spreading in front of him. He sits back down on the chair, scooting closer to my exposed pussy. "So wet for me y/n", he says before kissing my clit. My hips buck up at the satisfaction of his lips making contact to where I need him the most. "So ready for me", he says, spreading my folds with his fingers before sucking on my clit, a moan coming out of me. His hot wet tongue swirled around my aching clit over and over, my moans echoing throughout the dining room. My hands gripping at the sides of the table as the noise of Harry's tongue on me consumed me. His tongue licked me all over, not missing any spots.

He inserted his tongue in my aching hole, slowly licking all of my arousal onto his tongue. My legs spread for him, giving him more access. "Oooh fuck Harry, don't stop baby, don’t stop", I moaned as he sucked and flicked my clit. My back arching on the table as I felt my orgasm coming. "That's it baby, let the neighbors know who is making you feel this good", he says as he inserts two fingers inside me making me gasp and choke up. He instantly starts thrusting his fingers in and out of me as his tongue works on my clit. My aching hole clenched around his fingers as I was about to come. Before I did, he withdrew completely from me causing me to whine. "Gosh look at you so desperate", he says. He gets up, attaching his lips to mine, tasting myself on his tongue, causing me to moan against his lips. "You taste so good baby ", he groans against my lips, his clothed crotch pressing against my cunt. "Take me upstairs", I say breathlessly. I wrap my arms around his neck as he carries me bridal style up the stairs. He slows down and notices the rose petals on the hallway leading up to our room. "Oh y/n what do you have up your sleeve ", he smirks. I open the door with my hand since he's carrying me, and we walk into the dark pre-lit room that is filled with rose petals. "Surprise!", I childishly say to him smiling widely at my work. He looks around in awe giving me a long passionate kiss as he places me on the bed. "Do you like it?", I ask. "Like it? I love this", he says, climbing on the bed with me. "Are you sure you want to do this?", he asks. "Yes Harry", I say grabbing his face and pulling him in a kiss. He reaches behind my back and unclamps my bra, exposing my breasts. The takes one in each hand, gently palming them and pinching my nipples occasionally. My head falls back in pleasure, my body sensitive at the lack of pleasure that it hasn't received in months. My neck exposed, Harry places kisses on my neck, biting and sucking the spot below my ear causing me to moan."Harry please", I gasp, pleading for more. He groans as he kisses down my neck and onto my chest, taking one of my nipples into his mouth while massaging my other breast, my fingers playing with his hair. He switches, now sucking on my other nipple, giving it the same attention.

I kneel up, pushing him against the matters. "Now it's your turn baby", I say as I unbutton his trousers. I took them off, taking his briefs with them. I took his shirt off exposing his tattooed body to me. I could never get tired of looking at his naked body. I straddle his legs, placing delicate kisses on his chest and down his torso. His stomach flexing at the contact of my lips against his skin. "I've". Kiss. "Missed", kiss, "you", kiss, "so", kiss "much", kiss. His eyes closed, feeling every kiss I gave his body. I kissed down his torso and down to his pulsating cock. I placed delicate kisses up his shaft before placing the tip in my mouth, Harry hissing at the sensation. I moaned as I felt his precum on my tongue, the sensation causing Harry to buck his hips upwards inserting himself more into my mouth. "Fuck", he moans as I start bobbing my head, gently squeezing his balls as I sucked him off. I took more and more of him in until I was able to put all of him in my mouth. His tip hitting the back of my throat causing me to gag in pleasure. " fuuck ", Harry moaned as he felt my mouth close around his cock. I was so horny, our actions making me wet. I pulled away a bit looking at him, how sexy he looked right now. "Fuck my mouth Harry", I say as I fully take him into my mouth causing him to groan in pleasure. He reaches down to gather my hair together as he starts to thrust himself into my mouth. "That's right baby, take my cock ", he pants as he continues to hit the back of my throat causing me to gag around his dick. I close my eyes, tears spilling from them as they go down my face. "Fuck baby", he moans the sound of our moans filling the room. Before I can pull back, I feel his cum shoot down my throat. I pull away, a string of my saliva attached to his cock making this super-hot.

I take my finger and wipe my lips, tasting him on my fingers as I sucked his juices off "mmm", I moan. "Delicious", I say as I straddle his hips. His hands were instantly on my waist ready to guide me. I was in a euphoric daze, wanting Harry to fuck my brains out. I grab Harry's dick and I slowly rubbed my wet pussy against it, feeling every pulsating vein on me. My wetness glistening on his cock. "Look at how wet I am for you baby", I moan as we both look down. "Fuck Y/N, please baby", he says as he digs his fingertips on my sides. I grind on him a couple more times before I lift myself up and insert the tip in me, causing both of us to moan. My head falls back in pleasure his tip already stretching me. "You're so big Harry", I say as I slide down on him completely, his cock stretching me out in all the right ways. "Move baby, gosh you feel so good", he pants out, his hips bucking up in desperation. I move my hips up and down, my hands on his chest as we finally connect. With every movement I make, the more I feel my orgasm coming. I'm a moaning mess, my body overly sensitive. "That's right baby, ride my cock", he moans. "Look at your arousal dripping down", he moans as he starts to thrust up, in need of a release from the both of us. We look down and I can see his cock disappearing inside me, covered by my wetness with each thrust. My hands go down to my throbbing clit, rubbing myself as I try to reach my high, but Harry swats my hand away and replaces it with his instead, rubbing me at a steady pace. “Oh fuck, baby that feels...uh", I moan out, my release spraying on Harry's torso. Our actions stopped, looking at the mess I just made. “Fuck that was hot to watch", Harry says. "Want to see if you're able to do that again for me baby?", he says as our movements resumed. I start riding him faster and harder, each thrust hitting that familiar spot from earlier, causing me to moan loudly as Harry rubbed my clit faster. The feeling was so intense sending me into a bliss. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck", I moan out I squirt on Harry's torso again, my arousal dripping down his sides and onto the mattress. "That's a good girl", Harry says as he stops my movements and switches positions. One thing you enjoyed about your sex life with Harry was that he wasn't afraid to explore different things sexually.

Harry pushes me against the mattress, taking my legs in his hands and placing them in a "V" position. My head is hanging from the bed as he positions himself in front of my entrance. Slowly, he thrusts into me, both of us moaning in pleasure. "Look at you already fucked out of your mind", he says, his words causing me to be wet again. "Do you like me stuffing you with my cock y /n?", he asks as he begins to thrust into me. "On fuck, yes Harry", I say as I squeeze my breasts in pleasure. "Tell me how much you love it", he tells me as he thrusts harshly into me. "Il love it baby", I say as he thrusts into me harder and faster, this position hilling my g-spot repeatedly. "I love how your cock stretches my tight wet pussy. I love how hard you fuck me. I love how you make me yours, baby", I gasp for air as his thrusts are literally knocking the air out of me. I let my head hang, the rush of my blood going down causing me to feel the pleasure with much more intensity. "Fuck baby I'm gonna cum", Harry pants as the grip on my legs tighten. I feel very lightheaded in this position but I'm enjoying Harry ramming into me. My moans become louder as Harry rubs my clit again. A few more thrusts and we’re both screaming and moaning our release. I lift my head up, afraid of passing out from the intensity of my orgasm. Harry drags me closer to him, so my head is no longer hanging. He leans closer to me, his sweaty body against mine, our breathing heavily from our highs. "That was", "Amazing", I finish saying.

We both started laughing at what just happened. Harry removes himself from me laying down next to me and engulfing me in a hug. Still in a daze, too tired to do anything. "That was a very good dessert", he says causing both of us to burst out laughing. "You're too much", I playfully hit his chest. "I love you", he tells me, a bit more serious. I look up at him, a few strands of curls sticking to his sweaty forehead. I take my hand and push his hair back, removing it from his forehead as I lean up and kiss his lips softly. "I love you more", I whisper against his lips as we start kissing passionately. He sits up on the bed before straddling me on his lap, my chest against his. He holds me tightly against him, his lips molding against mine, our tongues fighting for dominance, he wins. Smirking against my lips, he moves his arms around my waist and slowly sinks into me again, my head resting against his shoulder. We slowly start to move against each other, kissing our lips with passion. We both moan against one another, his fingers tracing down my back, the sensation causing goosebumps against my skin. The familiar feeling in my stomach appears. My arms are around Harry's neck, my hands gripping at his hair at the intensity that he's making me feel. "Marry me ", he says abruptly, his movements not stopping whatsoever. I look into his eyes and see the sincerity in them. Our movements pick up, our breathing picking up as we’re about to cum together. "Marry me y/n", he says again. He puts his arms around me tightly as he thrust upwardly, my head falling back. "Yes. Yes.yes", I moan out, answering his question repeatedly. A couple more thrusts and we both cum on each other, my orgasm taking a toll on me. After calming down and feeling Harry's dick go soft inside me, I look into his eyes. " a million times yes", I say against his lips. He smiles widely and kisses me passionately.

This whole experience has taught me that life can be very difficult. Everyone is dealing with issues left and right, some more intense than the rest. In my case, I lost our baby, got depressed, and surpassed it. Having a support system, whether it’s a family member or a close friend, having someone there who is willing to help you can make the biggest difference in your life. Seeking help doesn't make you weak or a failure, it just means that you need that extra help to become the better version of yourself. Trying to control everything around you will he straining and will cause you to burn out. Take it one step at a time and learn to take it easy from time to time. Always live in the moment and cherish where you are now. Also...always remember to stay true to who you are and never let anyone change you. You're perfect the way you are whether you believe it or not.

[mad-hunts]

WHAT IS MY MUSE AFRAID OF?

in the list below, bold all the fears your muse currently has, italicize all the fears they've worked through or grown out of, answer the questions below, and then pass it on by tagging your favorite muns to participate!

why do they have these fears? are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational? barton had feared small spaces as well as failure due to several things that had happened in his childhood, but he was able to overcome these as a teenager. as for hospitals... barton was afraid of them due to a specific event that he went through for a short time after winslow had officially become his surrogate father. without talking about it too much, his fear of suffocation is trauma-based as well. and as for being alone / being abandoned, these were sort of a mix of innate and generational fears for barton. imperfection is, unfortunately, another fear of his that came about due to trauma.

COMMON FEARS & PHOBIAS:

the dark l small spaces l suffocation l water l thunderstorms l dogs l snakes l spiders l insects l clowns l blood l dentists l hospitals l needles l germs l heights l fire l insects l public speaking l large crowds l meeting new people l being alone l being touched l failure l imperfection l societal rejection l physical intimacy l emotional intimacy l being abandoned l being forgotten

what other fears do they have? his biological father, wesley mathis; becoming his father, losing his freedom / autonomy (to some level), death, and hurting members of his family due to losing control.

have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? how did it go? barton has attempted to work through his fear of his father due to him no longer being around and his fear of death, too, which really didn't go so well. this is because even though he is able to understand why he has these fears, whenever he exposed himself to both of these things, he tried to think his way out of the fear he felt rather than just letting himself feel it... and this is a necessary step in quote unquote 'conquering them' because the mind is prone to getting stuck in thoughts that actually feed your fears when you aren't able to fully process / accept them.

tagged by: (stole from @astrronomemes!) tagging: @cxpperhead, @thewomanwholaughed, @ofgctham, @lamprog, and anyone else who might like to complete this quiz!

[bluegrasssax]

I thought I'd give an intro to me and the fics I've written (Merlin x Arthur, E, AO3). I started late 2021 after I found writing helped me through _stuff_

This is in the order I wrote my stories, my thoughts, what I liked about it and what I wish I'd done better.

For most of the fics I started with a canon character trait for each of Merlin and Arthur that I carried through the story (that they either both come to embrace or overcome), I find this works well in keeping to the og character vibe

(No major spoilers)

1. A Fall We Can't Forget

Character archetypes: lost Merlin, naive Arthur

My likes: I love opportunities to be open about feelings without the pressure of consequences, hence dreams. I loved writing Merlin's Druid dream, and that Arthur could appreciate him without fear that way.

Even better if: This was my first fic and I definitely made some classic blunders! I feel I rushed things, and there were many other dream sequences I wish I'd managed to sneak in!

2. Wingless

Character archetypes: guilty Merlin, protective Arthur

My likes: Wings. I mean, come on! That's just cool! I'm honoured someone took the time to make art following reading the fic, it warmed my heart <3

Even better if: Again, I think I rushed into the reveal. I'd have liked better pacing especially in the last few chapters.

3. Parchments

Character archetypes: denial Merlin, self sacrificing Arthur

My likes: similar to the dreams, an opportunity to talk without repercussion. I liked this version of Gwen a lot, and I'm a huge fan of Samhain midnight shenanigans. Also poor Gaius. Sorry man.

Even better if: this is one of my shorter ones. I think it would have been neat to have an Arthur POV through to explain some of his actions too. Alas. Maybe a sequel.

4. Take Your Pain Away

Character archetypes: self sacrificing Merlin, dutiful Arthur

My likes: oh boy this one was a labour of love. I love soulmates, and I thought the dynamic of one person knowing way before the other way good in this case. The added layer of pain transference was for flavour and it snowballed on me lol, but in a good way I think.

Even better if: honestly, I have the fewest Gripes about this one, though I wish I'd taken a bit of a different route with Edith. There could have been more bullshit with that, but maybe it was angsty enough already.

5. Dead To Me

Character archetypes: powerful/unfortunate Merlin, growing Arthur

My likes: actually my favourite story of the lot I think, just because it's a different flavour of "destiny" than I'd considered before. It was a fun challenge to develop intimacy with no physical contact!

Even better if: I liked what I did with Gaius, but I know it wasn't necessarily a popular characterisation of the poor bloke - so if done again I'd like to have made his motivations clearer.

6. Passing Through

Character archetypes: innocent Merlin, whimsical Arthur

My likes: it was nice to have the "love at first sight" sort of vibe with this one, even though I tend to be more of an enemy to lovers fan myself! Merlin's magic felt so natural in this one and I'm really chuffed with how it came out. He is a part of magic as much as it is a part of him, and so it's no wonder it's overwhelming sometimes.

Even better if: I initially planned a bigger blow up with the Arthur reveal, but it didn't quite fit. Maybe in another life. This one could have handled a bit more smut imo.

7. The Satyr and The Prince

Character archetypes: outsider Merlin, conflicted Arthur

My likes: I'm a big fan of body horror - and while this is no xenomorph situation it was interesting to play with a tiny bit of gore. I'm proud of the inner conflict Arthur had, and I hope it came across well.

Even better if: as with most of my fics it seems, I feel I rushed it a bit. My initial plan was more drawn out, more angst (somehow), but I got impatient! Also, didn't get the chance to include any sex! It just didn't fit in naturally without seeking forced :/

Now?

And my current fic is on going, so I won't comment just yet on it. Only know that archetypes revolve around Wonderlust Merlin and Awed Arthur

If you've read any of these I'd love your honest feed back on it - this is a hobby I really enjoy, and I'd like to keep on it for a bit longer!

Also, let me know how this Tumblr thing works, I'm floundering lads XD

[albertfinch]

MOVING AND FLOWING IN THE LORD   

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What would life look like if we postured ourselves as "victorious ones" and declared WHO WE ARE IN CHRIST into this natural realm?

We can never give up or lose hope. Instead, we stand on His promises and prophesy them into the unseen realm until they become reality in the natural realm. Mark 11:24 states, "And whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it and it will lbe yours "   If God has given us a revelation of His purpose for our life, then we must have the faith to believe it will happen. We must stop believing by what we see but believe by what God has showed us.

COMMUNION WITH GOD

1 John 5:14-15 -- "This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him."

When we are in that place of intimacy with God, we can hear His heart. We are able to feel the season He is bringing us into. He is able to show us the things of the future and from that place decree them with greater authority. We speak the hidden things of the Lord into existence, even if at the time we are experiencing difficulty and hardships. We declare a victorious life speaking as though our Father is speaking.

As it says in Mark 11:24 - "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

THE HIDDEN LIFE

We must first draw close to Him and have our hearts transformed into His.  Our ultimate goal is to bear fruit that remains for His Kingdom through our Christ calling.

We know who we are in Christ without doubt or fear. We are sons and daughters of God by His marvelous grace.

We are one with Jesus and have His Blood flowing through us.  By His Blood we overcome the darkness of this world.

Too many in the Church have limited themselves and limited God by not understanding their Christ identity and their right standing with God.

Colossians 1:27 - "...to whom God willed to make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory."

Christ in us is our hope of glory. When we are weak, He is strong. As 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says:

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

A NEW MODEL

This is a season that if you are intentional to go up the mountain and keep your gaze on Jesus, you will receive new perspective and vision.  You will birth the assignment God has been waiting to give you. You’ll come down the mountain and release the mighty thunderous sound into the earth!

This is the hour to stand in faith and prophesy the new things to come. Our ongoing role is fruit bearing that remains for His Kingdom and aggressively discipling new believers into their Christ identity.

Isaiah 43:18-19 - "Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. 'Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.'" We know we have the victory over sin, death, and the darkness of this world. There is no way we are losing this battle, because the Lord provided the victory through the Cross. Even when things are hard, we must praise His name, because what the enemy intended for evil God will turn to our good. No one wants to go through hard things, but as it states in James 1:2-4 - "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

The more we go through, the more we overcome; and the more we overcome, the greater our understanding of our authority becomes. We are made perfect and complete and lacking in nothing. God allows us to go through hard times because He has given us the grace to overcome them.

According to 1 Corinthians 10:13 - "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."

TEACH US TO PRAY

Luke 11:1 states: "Now Jesus was praying in a certain place, and when He finished, one of His disciples said to Him, 'Lord, teach us to pray, as John taught his disciples.'"

We do not want to pray in our old ways, asking and begging. We want to come before Him as His Bride, praying the scriptures that have to do with our present need with the expectation of God answering.

By praying the scriptures in the epistles of Paul that pertain to our Christ identity  we come to know who we are in Christ; the power that is flowing through us and our authority over satan, sickness, distractions, or anything else that does not match up with Heaven.  Our body is the temple of God, and we have the right to take authority over every area of it – spirit, soul, and body.

"Call to Me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known."

ALBERT FINCH MINISTRY

[selflove-projects]

Resistance

I’m now trying to tackle the fear of intimacy. I want to overcome it though it’s such a struggle.

And these days I find the word “resistance” quite often. My daily cards keep telling me about resistance. Oh well, I admit the existence of resistance in me.

Why resist? Because I’m scared. Why scared? Because it’s a big deal to me. Why big deal? Because it’s what I really wanted. Why wanted it so bad? Because I feel like it gives me a reason to exist. Why? Because loving and being loved is the fundamental need and ultimate need. I know this should be done within me, and this is self-love. The best way to learn self-love is, however, ultimately having a romantic relationship. In a romantic relationship, we learn how to love our partners, and we learn how to love ourselves like we do our partners and vice versa. Self-love can’t get completed by ourselves.

Letting go of Resistance is called Surrender in therapy. I never knew it was this hard. Luckily, I came to this point to learn the hardness because of my bf. After all he is something to me. He is truly something.

[eroaneki]

Lately I have had such intense feelings of not belonging anywhere. I don't fit in, I shouldn't be talking to certain people, I'm now allowed to do certain things, etc. I feel awkward and out of place all of the fucking time, even interacting with people online. I fear I'm going to say the wrong thing or do something that's stupid. I'm afraid to exist in any form whatsoever.

I've been exercising and dieting and it's not working. I have no clue why. My cycles are completely fucked up and I feel like I've been in a two week death loop. I keep feeling like it's finally going to be the start of my period and I just keep spotting. But until my actual period starts I'm going to be stuck in this hyper-anxious state where I feel like at any moment I'm going to sever all ties with reality and no longer be part of the world.

Getting blood work done to test hormones doesn't matter because everything always comes back normal when clearly this isn't. The answer is birth control but I can't take it because of migraines with aura. I feel like I'm slowly developing like schizophrenia or something. I'm so fucking paranoid all of the time and nothing seems right and I can't get over the fucking speed hump that is my ability to be a fully connected and aware person at all times.

Physically intimacy doesn't exist anymore because I am so thoroughly disgusted with myself on a daily basis that I just want to give up. I keep having people ask me "you're getting married soon, aren't you?" and it just makes me feel like a fucking complete failure in life because I am so overwhelmed by the thought of having to try on a wedding dress and knowing full well I'm going to hate the way I look in every single one of them. Because I hate the way I look in general.

I don't see myself as a thing or a person worth celebrating. But I'm also 33 and I don't have the luxury of time anymore to be a depressed sack of shit because I'm getting older and I feel myself getting older. I'm so tired all of the time and everything is such a horrific hurdle to overcome. To get up everyday and remember to brush my teeth and eat good food and get exercise and brush my hair, shower, drink enough water, drink enough caffeine to avoid a headache but not too much or you'll have a panic attack, socialize, go to work, exist exist exist exist exist

Have babies, figure out how to get married when you can't fucking plan anything to save your life even if it's something that benefits you because you feel crushing guilt for allowing yourself anything good. You have to hide everything that makes you feel happy and good because everyone will take it away from you if they find out. Everyone will be horrified and laugh at you and alienate you if you are happy about anything.

I woke up at 130 last night to the first panic attack I've had in probably 2 months but I know it's due to all of this plus my cycle being so fucked up. But it's fucked up because I'm exercising and eating differently but still gaining weight so my body doesn't know wtf to do and honestly neither do I bro. Neither do fucking I.

I have therapy today and I don't even know how to go about addressing any of it without making my therapist think I need to be committed. That's another thing I'm afraid of with therapy. Like if I talk about how bad my thoughts get sometimes I'm afraid she's gonna pull the fucking trigger and be like "oh you need inpatient help" and quite honestly that would just make everything worse.

I just want to know how to exist like a normal person. Like how do people go about their day-to-day and not feel crushing guilt for being alive. Like their existence isn't a plague on society. I just wanna know how to do that and I'll be fine.

[dead-blondie]

WHAT IS MY MUSE AFRAID OF?

In the list below, bold all the fears your muse currently has, italicize all the fears they've worked through or grown out of, answer the questions below, and then pass it on by tagging your favorite muns to participate!

COMMON FEARS & PHOBIAS:

The dark l Small spaces l Suffocation l Water l Thunderstorms l Dogs l Snakes l Spiders l Insects l Clowns l Blood l Dentists l Hospitals l Needles l Germs l Heights l Fire l Insects l Public speaking l Large crowds l Meeting new people l Being alone l Being touched l Failure l Imperfection l Societal rejection l Physical intimacy l Emotional intimacy l Being abandoned l Being forgotten

What other fears do they have? Anything that links her to being walked all over, used, or undermined. Not only does it irritate her, but it is a huge fear because it really does dampen her self image.

Why do they have these fears? Are these fears innate, trauma-based, or generational? Both trauma based and generational, some are due to her personality though.

Have they ever tried to work through or confront these fears? How did it go? Fears from her childhood, such as dentist, hospital, thunder, and most others listed were due to her parents and Dewey trying to help her overcome them once it got too out of hand (Tatum turned into a massive diva over those fears until begrudgingly giving in that she should get better.) Out of control fire, social rejection as well as imperfection are the main ones that she has the most trouble with getting anywhere near to overcome. Insects are just something that can freak her out but it truly depends, it's like a mediocre fear of hers.

Tagging: Anyone who wants to play!! :))