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ickymichi · 4 years ago

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𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐀𝐖𝐀 𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐈 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒:

𝐩𝐡𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

<3 warning: none really! just slight mentions of nsfw but nothing brutal, swearing, v slight angst, mentions of insecurity.

<3 things to know!: set in the timeskip, unless i’m like ‘this was back in high school’. (implied female) reader and issei are in an established relationship.

<3 summary!: headcannons i have about issei and his appearance/body. :)

<3 a/n: see i genuinely had no idea what to call this. like it’s headcannons that i have about issei’s appearance/body?. and also to make some of the things named more normalised and to make ppl see how attractive they make ppl. reblogs are greatly appreciated <3

all contents belongs to hotboyissei 2021. please do not repost or modify on this or any other platform.

𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐋𝐄𝐒: listen to this okay. issei with freckles on his shoulders. beautiful i know. but just imagine it. those nice broad shoulders with thousands of freckles scattered across them from years of tanning and getting sunburned on the beach while on holidays or just from the numerous summers he spent in your backyard getting a tan. just running your hands across them seeing how some of them connected to form a bigger one. he always tells you it tickles. but never says stop. also in summer he gets them on his face from the sun.

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐂𝐇 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐒: he definitely had them on like the part of his back where his arm meets his shoulders, on the under side of his biceps and definitely got some on his ass cause boy got cake. but he’s insecure about them and used to hate wearing tank tops cause you could see them. but you told him how much you love them and how cool they look. now mf thinks he’s hot shit (as he should) and walks around your house in them or just shirtless. if you have some to he would literally always be telling you how attractive it is. literally constantly.

𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑: he definitely is on the hairier side. like he got hairy ass legs let me tell you, but it thins out when it gets to his thighs a bit. definitely waxes or shaves his ass idc idc, was scared from this one time he was watching porn and it just got a shot of the guys hairy ass and he was disgusted. but also he got like, not a lot to where he has to constantly wax it, but a nice amount of chest hair, like it’s only on his pecs not on his stomach you know?. side story!: it was like, two months after you started dating and you were having a movie night at his and you were staying over. makki convinced, i mean convinced him you were going to have sex for the first time. so issei being afraid you’d think his chest hair is unattractive he booked a chest wax and made makki come with him. he recorded the whole thing and showed you two years later, big bad matsukawa issei himself, screaming from pain and nearly breaking makki’s hand with the grip he had on it. end of side story :). his happy trail? pheww that shit idky it’s just attractive to me for some reason. also has a bit of stubble but he shaves it cause of one time in third year he was just really lazy that week and didn’t shave and when the four of them went to go to the cinema on saturday oikawa said: “who’s uncles coming our way?”. from then on he never goes out with to them without shaving beforehand. if you tell him you find it attractive he’d grow it out a small bit just to see your reaction. but if you said you don’t like it he’d do it anyway to annoy you.

𝐀𝐂𝐍𝐄: high school issei definitely had acne. not like major but had some on his cheeks and his back. he hated it sm cause all his friends never had a problem with it. until you told him it doesn’t matter if he has it for not he’s still seggsy as fuck. now timeskip issei? not as much. he made sure to start taking care of his skin halfway through high school. that is until masks became a thing, poor guy has a love hate relationship with them now.

𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆: listen, issei eats. mf has the biggest appetite you’ve ever seen. ceo of “you eating that?”. every time you see him on the couch he either has a bag of crisps, chocolate, popcorn, leftovers from last night or a takeout he ordered in his lap. man just loves food (i relate ‘sei dw). but all that eating makes boy bloat like crazy. like, he has a fast metabolism so mf never gains weight that much🙄. but he could literally eat half a sharing bar of chocolate and suddenly he’s eight weeks pregnant. also, he didn’t know what bloating was until you finished a movie night and mf took half the popcorn, had his own bag of jellies and three of the small multipack chocolate bars. so when he undressed for his shower and caught a glimpse of his stomach that normally only has a bit of pudge, pushed out to where it looks like he gained weight over night he has a stroke. this how shiz went down:

“(Y/N)!!” you literally sprinted to the bathroom thinking he fell or sum. “what issei? what happened?!”. “have i, have i always been this big?” “what? you look like you always do”. the distressed noise he let out along with him fake stumbling and grabbing the counter had you confused. “i look pregnant! what do you mean i always look like this? we’re getting a treadmill or at home gym or whatever i need to get back to how i was. good lord i really let myself go.” he ran a hand across his face while rubbing his stomach and looking in the mirror. then it hit you. “oh my god you fucking idiot, you do realise how much shit you are right? your just bloated.” “bloated? the fuck is that?”. you then spent the next fifteen minutes sitting on the toilet seat explaining what bloating was while he showered.

𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐇: i just know baby don’t got teeth that look like a fresh set of veneers. and it’s not like they crazy crooked, just slightly that you barley notice unless you’re up close and stare at his mouth. but because he’s always looking at himself it’s the first thing he sees. this leads to him covering his mouth whenever he laughs and only slightly smirking or lifting his mouth to a small closed lip smile when he’s told to smile. everytime he has to take a picture with his family one of his auntie who’s taking it shouts: “smile issei!” every time. and he always says: “i am though”which leads to his getting pinched in the side by his mother and her telling him: “fucking smile properly before i whoop your ass” through gritted teeth while she smiles brightly herself. he grew to not care as much when, you again, told him you love his smile when he threw his head back instead of covering his mouth when you told him a funny story.

𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐒/𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐒: heavenly i know, but bby doesn’t completely agree. we all know boy thick especially those gorgeously thick thighs! but he just thinks they’re too thick. he’s used to seeing oikawa and makki’s slender ones, so when he stands in front of the mirror in a pair of swim shorts he bought and they’re swinging on his waist but about to rip around his thighs he can feel himself start to tear up. and then, what a suprise, you walk in!

~ start story:)): “ ‘sei! you ready to go, oh are you okay?”. he whips his head around to see you standing in the doorway in the swim set you just bought your self. ‘god you look so good’ he thinks to himself. “uh yeah yeah i’m good just need a few minutes these uh, they don’t fit.” he brings a hand to his face and uses his index finger and thumb to wipe the tears in the corner of his eyes. “oh well then you can just tie the strings, that’s what they’re there for, i told you to go a size down silly”. you stand infront of him and start to tie the strings in the shorts around his waist. “no doll, they aren’t to big, they’re to small look” he motions his head to the way they’re straining around his thighs and he just wants to start crying again. “oh i see, we’ll theres nothing we can do there , is there? we’ll just buy another pair on the way.” how? he thinks. how are you not laughing in his face that his legs are to fat to fit in a pair of shorts that are 2 sizes to big for him? “i know what you’re thinking,” your soft voice breaks him out of his thoughts. “why is she not laughing at me huh? she probably thinks i’m fuckin’ ugly” you do your best to mimic his deep voice but just sound silly trying, making him let out a small laugh. “how many times have i told you how much i adore your legs hm? how many times have i done, such oh so sinful things on them while going on about how much i love them?. to many to count issei. so next time you think all those silly bad thoughts just think of me and every time i tell you nice things about them!”. now he’s definitely crying, but this time over how much your words helped him. and now he feels like a million dollars as he struts across the beach to the three men waiting for you with his neon orange shorts tied around his waist and clinging to his thighs. end story :))~

jesus i forgot about his legs. anyway, all his life he’s been told how ‘lanky he is’ and how long his legs are. this makes him feel like shit really,most of his jeans stop above his anlke so the only type of socks he had is the long ones that he uses to hide his ankles fromm people, making them think he has the perfect size. he’ll never forget the time he spent hours shopping with his mother and trying on countless pairs of trousers for an upcoming wedding that and they stop above his ankle. he feels embarrassed really, seeing the fitter tell him they can just get them custom made, but it’ll cost more plus the original price. watching how distressed his mother gets when he tells her how much it’ll be. he doesn’t want his mother spending that much money on a pair of trousers he’ll wear once so he butts in saying it’s fine and he’ll deal with it by wearing black socks and no one will notice. the same exact problem happens several years later except in his mother’s place is makki along with oikawa and iwa, watching him get fitted for your wedding. he tells himself ‘think of (y/n), think of (y/n) and how much she says she loves your legs’ but it’s hard to when all the other men have no problem finding the perfect suit size. he doesn’t want to pay extra for a custom suit but that’s what it looks like is going to happen.

-end <3

#🤍.issei #🧸.soft times #🍬.hcs #matsukawa issei imagines #matsukawa imagines #matsukawa issei x reader #mattsun fluff #mattsun smut #matsukawa #issei matsukawa x reader #matsukawa issei #mattsun x reader #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa smut #matsukawa headcanons #matsukawa fic #haikyuu matsukawa

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messedupessy · 3 years ago

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Essy life update ye

Alright so it’s been awhile since I done one of these, and felt it was time to do another one at last, so here goes xD

As you guys prolly have noticed, so have I been really slow with art lately, which is because I just been way too tired and also busy with other things, trying to get my life a bit more together, getting myself checked for various shit etc. But overall I just been too tired and haven’t had time, and when I finally do draw it doesn’t go on for too long, even though I want to but my energy levels are shit atm haha!

And not to mention whenever I do try to get back to drawing properly something always comes up, like currently my laptop is on its last like legs, one of the fans have died and now the screen has gotten fucked up. Like if i don’t keep the screen in a certain angle it will freeze the whole screen and slowly but surely turn pink until I move it again, but my laptop is about 5 years old and I am not getting it fixed, again, so I have already brought a new and way better laptop that I will hopefully get sometime next month! It originally was supposed to come this 20th but that didn’t happen.

So here is hoping the new laptop will help with my creativity!

Other than that, I have started on like new meds to help me with some shit, don’t really feel like going into way too much details since its personal but it’s nothing like life threatning or anything so ya all can chill on that front. But them pills have taken allot out of me especially when I started with them, they really messed me up as they made my stomach really, really unhappy, currently though I am well on that front but going to add another pill soon which will most likely fuck me over again until I gotten used to the dose again.

I also recently got yet another wisdom tooth pulled out after like 2 weeks of jaw pain, feels so damn good now when that tooth is gone haha.

And lastly, this tuesday I am finally gonna take my first covid shot, which I hope will go fine!

But yeah, there have just been so much, especially lately I feel, that has stopped me from drawing and so on, but things are slowly getting better and I am making sure to get the help I need for all the various things that keeps popping up. But I just wanted to give you all a bit of a update since it’s been awhile and I am not the best at sharing things, like of course I don’t need to share every single thing but just some minor details here and there.

So do know I love and appreciate you all so much, and hope you guys don’t mind when I keep trying to clean out my drafts which is a never ending nightmare currently on my part haha, because they just never end and my work on it way too quickly gets so undone, but I will get to it fully one of these days, so until then hope you don’t mind me getting random spurts of energy to spam reblog stuf haha!

But ya all take care of yourselves, good luck and hope things goes well for ya all!!! ❤

Edit: oh also, I will get to the things I owe ya ppl and have promised to do, just gotta get back to drawing and so on overall yes!

#MessedUpEssy #Essy Update #long post #life goes up and down a shitton for me constantly #but i will be fine #i am getting help for it all and while it feels nothing happens at times so do i know things are happening #some shit just takes time haha #but yeah don't worry about me i will be fine #i got friends and family and a loving gf helping and supporting me #and i will get there #just gotta get to it all and so on pft

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heyitsyn · 4 years ago

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Complicated

Shirabu x Reader

a/n: im not very familiar with shirabu on a spiritual level like i am w the other characters but ill try my best!!

request: okok haikyuu hcs: shirabu is reader’s childhood best friend and messed up their last game in middle school because he changed his setting style to accommodate ushijima,,, and reader, as the manager is very very pissed and they get into a huge fight,,, so once they get to stz they’re academic rivals, reader became the vbc manager just to spite him (oh yea they definitely still have crushes on each other but it’s hard with the current situation) only if it’s ok!! not a lot of ppl write for him :

this is kinda the best friends-to-rivals-to-friends again-to-lovers

requests open!!

lets get our inhalers bc this finna be a wild one luvs

so, basically,

you and him were actually childhood friends since he lived next door to you

lets say you met when you were 5 and you just stuck on to this slightly cold and dismissive boy who was the shy type

idk bout you but i actually like that type

ppl dont really understand how yall got along bc you were the extrovert and the laughing type of girl

he only stuck around bc you were actually a smart person who helped him occassionally w your organized notes

but he still appreciates your time and efforts to be his friend despite his personality

plus, you also liked volleyball and together you both would watch volleyball matches in his house where you would see him with a smile that he unconsciously wears

like when yall were 8, you gave him a volleyball for his birthday since he lost his old one when he was playing by the river

at first, he was like, ‘oh, thanks, i needed this’

but then as he started tossing it up and down, you could see that bashful smile starting to surface

you shrieked,

bc you rarely see it and you think its super cute,

and just wrap him up in a hug and he turns all shy again but with a soft smile and a soft blush

‘thanks, n/n-chan’

uh oh, feelings

stinky

since he mainly focused on doing homework or studying, not a whole lot of kids really approached him to hang out since they thought he only lived to study and play volleyball

but you didnt care bc youve been friends w this bun for a long time and you know hes not really like that

he has fun moments too

since you were the manager of the volleyball team, you always try to showcase how fun he was by trying to take the team to bonding places

the team does think that shirabu has fun but only if its w you

anyways

one afternoon, you naturally just go to his house w him since your mothers know youre practically best friends and so you basically live in each others houses

yall were about halfway through middle school so shirabu has been studying more to get scholarships for schools

he was studying on the little table while leaning against his bed while you were just lounging on his bed after studying

‘ken-channnnn’

oikawa 2.0

‘hm’

you pouted at the distracted reply before sitting up and wrapping your arms around his shoulder from behind him and placing your chin on his shoulder

‘lets do something fun!!!! im boredddd’

he wasnt really fazed by the skinship bc youve been like that to him since day 1

but thats going to change soon

‘i have a new sudoku book over there that you could do’

omg what

‘ken-chan!’

you shrieked in betrayal before leaping off the bed and grabbing his arm to stand him up

shirabu was actually annoyed that you were distracting his studying but seeing a wide grin on your face made him double stop

am i,,,, catching feelings?

nah, he just going through puberty

‘lets go to the fall market! yuki-chan told me theres a new food place that opened and theyre handing out free samples!’

you excitedly told him and continued shaking his arm to persuade him in going

‘n/n-chan, this is my only free day from volleyball to study. i need to pass the test on friday’

you rolled your eyes at that lame excuse

‘i know. i set up the schedule differently bc you have a big test on friday! but you would still have time to study!’

‘but im still unfamilair with the topic-’

‘cmon, ken-chan! youre so smart you could rival buddha!’

‘i dont think,,,,, thats a right comparison’

‘either way, we’re going to hang out and have fun!’

he honestly didnt know why he was at this crowded market w you

shirabu is a whole simp

‘omg ken-chan! look! takoyaki!’

you dragged him to the stall and the nice old lady smiled before taking your order

‘1 box please. ken-chan, you want?’

he shook his head no and started taking out his wallet to pay

but you stopped him

‘no, you dont have to pay since youre not eating’

‘but i want to’

‘ken-chan! you need to save up for college!’

‘no its fine im pay-’

‘here ya go, dear. free of charge’

you both stopped at the nice lady’s sentence

‘b-but’

‘no it’s okay. its cute to find a boy who’s willing to pay for his girl since that doesnt really happen nowadays. i hope you have a great rest of your date!’

‘it’s not a da-’

‘thank you, maam’

shirabu takes the box and leads you out of there

you smirk and poke his tummy

‘you want to go on a date with me, ken-chan~?’

he turns red and looks away

‘no. it wouldve taken longer to fully explain the situation so just go along with it to make it faster’

you giggled

‘hm sounds fake but okay’

you both continue to walk around the market and even buy a few things like a mini buddha statue or a pair of cat ears for both of you

with everything you bought, shirabu payed with it all

you were pouting as you walked and he noticed so he nudged you with his elbow

‘oi, what’s wrong?’

you crossed your arms

‘hm.. i dont like that ken-chan is buying and spending money for me on things that symbolize our fun. i want to give ken-chan something to remember this day too!’

shirabu grows flustered but hes really confused

youve always been a thoughtful person who tries to be independent but unconsciously ends up depending on others like him

but your thoughts of wanting to do something in return for him just sounds like heaven right now

lmao what a simp

he looks around for a place that could have something that sparked his interest but nothing caught his eye

until he caught a photo booth by the corner

‘oi, n/n-chan, let’s go there’

you followed his finger and you gasped

‘thats perfect, ken-chan! let’s go!’

you drag him to the booth and you giddily enter the coins for the machine to start

but he was starting to think this wasnt a good idea

he was in a cramp space with you pressed against him

but youve always been glomped to his side since yall were kids so what was the difference now?

bc you catching feelings, fool!

‘ken-chan! its starting!’

he finally snaps out of his flustered state and he raises a peace sign with a smile

with all the pictures, there were funny pictures of you and him,

well mainly you

but he was happy to have them w you

‘ken-chan, you know i love you, but when will you fix your hair?’

he glared at you

‘i like it so its staying that way’

you giggled at his attitude

‘okay, ken-chan. at least it would make you stand out in the crowd so i dont have to look for you!’

you hugged his waist and he froze up, suddenly feeling awkward with this familiar position

its okay, shes naturally like this so calm down

dontcrydontcrydontcrydontcry

after your hang out, he didnt even bother going back to studying

he just laid on his bed, looking at the strip of pictures with a fond smile

he was happy that you only showed that true, bright, happy grin to him

it was only for him

and he only showed his to you

bc you were you and you were the greatest thing, next to his parents, that he has in his life

omg that thought

he freezes and the picture falls on his face at that realization

omg, does he like you?

youre a great friend and his best friend and he wants to be your friend forever

but then, he realizes

youd separate one day and youd have a boyfriend and get married and have a family without him

no, he wasnt going to let that happen

he didnt like that thought

and thus, began his crush for you

and you were the same thing too but you noticed it later than him

oof, when this one girl confessed to him at the back of the school, you cried to him when yall got home

‘when ken-chan has a girlfriend, he wont hang out with me anymore! hes not going to be my friend anymore!’

it took some reassurance from him and more from your mom, when you got home, to realize that you liked your best friend

and thus began the skinny love stage

the whole volley team knew of your pining and tbh, they thought yall were dating but you were just like, nah, we friends

if anyone were to look at you, they would think the same thing

but ofc, yall are insecure hormonal teenagers who think that the other doesnt like them and if they confess, they would be rejected and that would ruin their friendship and they would not be friends anymore and they dont think they could handle that so its better to keep the feelings hidden and remain friends bc if theyre happy, theyre happy

oml my entire love life

this continued on until the last year of middle school

bc not only do you suddenly stop being friends, you became rivals

so as volleyball manager, you helped the team with whatever they needed in return of them doing their absolute best and winning the game

the last game of the year, you were slightly confused at the way shirabu was playing bc it wasnt the normal way he sets

before, his sets were so good that he could give it to any player and they would spike perfectly

but now, it was so different due to the simple, almost lazy, and very high tosses

the team was slightly irritated bc they couldnt keep up with the high tosses so they couldnt hit it

in between the sets, during break, you pulled him aside as you wiped off his sweat

‘ken-chan, youre not setting properly to the others. theyre getting angry because it doesnt allow them to spike right.’

he glares at you, with almost manic eyes

‘its their fault for not being able to jump high enough. in order to get a point, the ace must get a high toss to aim a quick spike’

‘but theyre not able to jump that high, ken-chan!’

you whispered, worried that he was going too intense and they would lose the game

all the hard-work the others put in, all to waste

‘i dont care. i must start early and change early so ushijima could hit my sets in the future’

‘but they’re not ushijima, kenjiro!’

you whisper-yelled

‘right now, theres no ushijima, no oikawa, its just you and the team. your team’

he was shook that you used his first name and the way you were actually telling him off

youve never been like that before

but he was blinded by his goal in the future

‘why is he our ace if he couldnt even hit tosses meant for an ace?’

‘because hes not the ace you’re hoping him to be!’

‘kenjiro, listen to me, these boys have worked their asses off for years to even come close to playing against seijoh or shiratorizawa. im going to do everything i can to make that happen and im not going to let them lose just bc you are too busy focusing on the future rather than the present’

with the way he looked at you, you really thought he would listen to you and play the way his team needs him to play

but no, he played the way he thought ushijima needed him to play

in the end, due to the foreign and unfamiliar tosses, they were unable to hit as much points causing them to lose

you could never forget the looks on your fellow classmates, who were also going to graduate this year, as they watched the ball that shirabu tossed, hit the floor right next to them

to say you were pissed was an understatement

you were F U R I O U S ™

you held the hands of the first years as they were devastated at their first loss

but you caught the eye of your ‘friend’ and he was biting his lip in irritation and anger

as your team was walking to their locker room to get changed, you pulled shirabu aside

‘what the hell’

he stared at you

‘we lost. we lost bc they couldnt keep up’

‘kenjiro! are you not listening to yourself?! you lost because you couldnt accept the fact that your teammates arent ushijima wakatoshi! you couldnt accept the fact that they’re not tall enough! strong enough! ace-like enough! and for what?! for the future?! the future where you’re going to set for someone like ushijima?!’

‘i vowed to set for a player like him, y/n! i want to toss a ball to someone as powerful and as talented as him! thats a promise i intend to keep’

you were dumbfounded

he was acting on his own reasons and selfish intent, even costing them a game, for his preparation in the future

‘i cannot believe you right now. i didnt know you were so selfish, shirabu. of all the years i knew you, you were never like this. so what changed?’

at the almost betrayed look on your face hurt him bc weren’t you always there to help him? to support him? wasnt that the reason you became a manager in the first place?

‘you dont understand, y/n. i need to change the way i play now because it will greatly benefit me in the future’

honestly, you didnt even know why you were so angry about this

sure, it was volleyball and it was just a game

you had high school to win it again

but maybe it was the fact that he wasn’t being the shirabu you knew

the ken-chan you grew up with and harbored feelings for for years

he was turning to someone that worked not for himself, but for some guy he has never even spoken to

you blinked away the tears and looked off the side, away from his face

‘right. the future. yanno, if youre already like this, i dread to think about how you would act once you get that goal of yours. but i know one thing. im not going to be there to see it happen’

god that last sentence

he felt a piece of his world crumble bc were you saying goodbye? were you leaving him?

‘i cant see you torture yourself into changing into a new person, kenjiro. so good luck finding someone who can’

‘oh yea? well, i dont need you! i’ll be perfectly fine on my own and find someone better than you! youre easily replacable!’

that was a big booboo love

that fight costed him more than a decade of friendship and a few years of love

despite living so closely together, you refused to even acknowledge him and when your parents got together, you’d find some way to be out ofthe house or you’d lock yourself in your room

he tried many times to get to you and even cried to you, begging to not leave him

but you willed strong and you left him alone

omg she handled this so bad and i cant w puberting teenagers

eventually, he got tired of chasing you and was now angry at you for picking a team of people youve only met for a few years over him who’s been there for you since you were 5

he was betrayed, cold, and sad

however,

without each other to be there, you both studied even harder and eventually, you were both able to get into shiratorizawa

initially, you wanted nothing to do w that school since you knew kenjiro was going to be in it and that bastard ushijima wakatoshi was too

um,,, babygurl ushi did nothing to you

but your mother really wanted you to go to a nice school since she wanted you to go to a nice college

since yall werent friends anymore, he didnt know you wouldn’t be in shiratorizawa

so imagine his surprise when he saw you entering his class with the girls uniform on and a completely new hairstyle and hair color and were you wearing makeup?!

lmao she acting like they broke up

anyways, all he knows, is that boys were already looking at you and vying for attention and dear god, he didnt know how to handle that

for the first month of school, youd think you would just be ignoring each other like you did back in middle school

but nope!

somehow, yall were now talking again!

except it was a mean type of talking

you see, shirabu studied as much as he breathed and you were just a naturally smart sister who didnt study as much

but you still were able to make it to the top and currently, you were the 1st in your entire class

‘ara ara? 1st again? better luck next time, shirabu-kun~’

he glared at you from his seat as you passed by with a smug grin

this fueding is giving me vertigo

‘shut up. at least some of us work for our grades’

that was so weak lmao

but you turned around to blink your eyelashes, slightly mocking him

‘eh? are you saying that i’m naturally gifted? yanno, shirabu-kun, naturally gifted people are much better than those who have to work for it. you play with ushijima-senpai, right? so you’d know the difference between you two.’

bringing up ushijima always pained him but he kept repeating it to himself that he was doing it so that he could go to nationals

sensing his silence as defeat, you waved your hand and went back to conversing w your other friends

this continued on again for a while and he was already sick and tired of it

not only was it beginning to get annoying, it was beginning to hurt

he cornered you at your locker

aaaaa kabedon!!!!!!!

‘listen to me and listen well, y/n’

yessir im listening

‘whatever the hell youre doing, cut it out. youre not going to rile me up anymore and im not going to give you the reactions you want. i dont understand why youre doing this to me but you need to stop before i make you’

ohgodyessir

ngl, that tone of his voice was the lowest youve heard and it made you so red bc that was just hot

but you gulped before grinning wolfishly, hand pressed against his chest and the other snaking around his neck

you pulled him down to your level so you could lean close to his ear

‘now you listen to me and listen well, ken-chan, youre not my best friend anymore so you can no longer tell me what to do, kay?’

shirabu was just flustered at the close proximity between your lips and his ears that he completely missed your warning

he only snapped out of it when you walked away, heading towards your next class

you sat in class that day, wondering how to tease him more

clearly, just words wouldnt make him irritated

gurl why you doing this

and you were stumped until you saw a red-haired looking guy accompanied by a gray-haired looking guy coming up to you

ofc you recognized them from the volley team since you’ve,,,,,,maybe seen a few practices

you thought theyd just pass by but they stopped in front of you and you looked up w wide eyes

‘can,,,, i help you?’

‘wow shes cute!’

the red head shouted and you shrunk under the gazes of these tall men

‘sorry about him. im semi eita, second year’

you shook his hand and you introduced yourself before soon finding out this other guy was tendo satori

‘so what do you need me for?’

‘you see, we’re kinda in need of a manager. and i think its better to have a manager who is close to a player in the team. i apologize to say this but i saw you and shirabu-san by the lockers the other day and i think its best to have his girlfriend as our manager’

‘g-girlfriend?!’

you shrieked, shocked that they thought you were

at this mention, you got a flashback from the festival and you soon turned bright red at the label of you being kenjiro’s girlfriend

‘and youre so cute y/n-chan! i can see what our darling kouhai sees in you!’

‘no, you got it all wrong its-’

then you stopped

omg this was the perfect opportunity

no gurl stop jesus take the wheel

shirabu would hate it if you were a manager bc that would give you more room to tease him

holy

then you smiled

‘i accept, senpais. i want to see my baby in action after all’

they were ecstatic since it was a hassle to find a manager who wasnt infatuated w ushijima

you exchanged contacts and soon, you were brought to meet the team

oh boy when kenjiro saw you at the door, he dropped the ball on his head

what in the hell were you doing here

‘guys, this is our new manager!’

you peeked out from tendo and waved at them

‘hello, my name is l/n y/n, first year. and im glad to be your manager’

noticing shirabu’s shocked form, tendo and semi shared a look and interpreted as, hes so happy that his senpais chose his girlfriend for him so now he could show off and play better and that could hopefully turn his attitude to be more grateful and respectful rather than this dismissive and disrespectful behavior

but shirabu was dying inside

oh god, youre totally going to tease him during practice and hes not going to be at his best and hes not going to be able to prove himself to ushijima

‘oi! shirabu-kun! come be grateful to your senpais for letting your darling girlfriend as our manager!’

‘hey baby!’

omg, what

again, you have a loud and expressive personality so you were kinda shameless so you just ran up and hugged him

aaaaa this is so embarassing wth

‘didnt you miss me? oh, youre so cute!’

god, he knows youre only here to spite him

right on point, good sir

ugh you were practically teasing him as the manager and you were having so much fun making him all flustered

but he was also spiteful

sometimes, he would stick his foot out whenever youd run towards a player and hed laugh at you embarassing yourself in front of them

youd return the favor by accidentally throwing his water bottle at his face

‘oh, gomen, ken-chan’

the entire time, the team was baffled to see the usual stoic and dismissive shirabu so freely laughing and actually teasing you

they think its just for good fun and not the aim of hurting each other since yall are dating and youre just flirting

combined w being academic rivals and now rivals during the team, you both were unintentionally becoming close again

the brutality was slowly simmering to a low heat

and turn the over on at 350 degrees

now, it was just to make each other flustered

the crush that you thought was gone, was slowly digging itself out like the zombies in plants vs zombies

and my god you were annoyed

from now on, you were nothing but rivals and a parasite on his side

him feeling the same

dating would cause too much and the hurtful words would eventually come back up and you concluded that you were just too different

you didnt conclude shit

one time, the team was walking from practice to a nearby convenience store to pick up food

ofc you were picking out a billion foods and you just shoved them all to his arms

‘my darling boyfriend would pay for it because he loves me. ya know what they say, make his pockets hurt’

he glared at you

‘as far as i remember, i wasnt dating a pig’

ngl, that hurt a little bc hes calling you a fattie

but he still went up to pay for it and you intentionally bumped him with your hips to annoy him but it caused him to drop his wallet to fall

and out came his money and that picture

the picture from nearly 3 years ago

you bent down to pick it up before he could even move

god, yall were so happy and young back then

it was awkward silent since you didnt give it back and yall walked out of the store and the team was sensing the weird vibe around you two

‘oi, what happened? its so tense!’

‘did you fight?’

‘did you get caught making out by the aisles?’

‘ong shut up, kai!’

yall kai is a third year senpai that i completely made up since we dont get insight on the senpais before ushijima

but the team noticed the weird aura around you two and decided to walk away to give yall some space

‘can-will you hand it over now?’

shirabu mumbled

you nodded and pushed it in his hands

‘why,,,, why do you still have it?’

‘you gave it to me. of course id still have it’

you were silent before coughing

‘can we talk?’

‘its about time we do’

yall walked away from the team towards your home but were taking weird turns and corners to prolong the walk

you looked up to see him and you laughed

‘this is ridiculous. its not fair’

‘what are you talking about?’

he whispered

‘i was so angry at you for saying that you dont need me and that you could easily find someone better because i knew that and i didnt like it. but i was so hurt that it came from your mouth. out of everyone, i would rather die than hear you say that to me. i think thats why ive been like this. i dont know, im being stupid. i was being stupid.’

he stopped walking and clenched his fist while glaring at the ground

‘you told me you were going to leave me. you were telling me that you wouldnt be friends with me anymore. i had to choose between you or volleyball and i wasnt at the right state of mind at that time so i chose incorrectly’

you noticed him not beside you anymore so you went behind him to rest your forehead on his back so he would see you since he preferred to be honest while not looking at you

‘ken-chan, we messed up big time, didnt we?’

his body shook as he laughed

‘i guess we did’

‘it was only over a game. i was so mean and dramatic and ive called you names and said bad stuff about you and im sorry’

‘im not innocent either. i said those words to you and im sorry’

despite slightly making up now, you both knew those feelings would have to wait because you were only getting each other back

‘can we start over, ken-chan?’

‘you want to?’

‘yes’

‘then we will’

omg the whiplash this is giving me

so yall are finally becoming friends and your families are relieved yall made up again bc wowza those dinners were torturous

‘now that they made up, we can go back to planning their wedding’

‘MOM NO!’

slowly but surely, everything has been going steady and your friendship was getting better

but you didnt admit to the club about everything bc again, shirabu was like, ‘i dont feel like explaining everything’

you both still kept a rivalry but it was friendly this time with cute wagers like treat me to milk bread or banana milk

tOOrU oIKaWA’s fAvoRiTE fOod iS MiLK bREaD

he came over often and studied w you and yall would end up actually just watching a movie or watching brain games, unconsciously cuddled up on the couch

however,

this new closeness was doing damage to your heart bc you were again reminded of how much you liked this boy

initially, you thought it would just go away and never be seen again but it said

sIKe biH!

every time you saw him, youd unconsciously sweep away a stray hair and fix it to his weird crooked style

but whenever you do that, shirabu would get a close view of your face and omg you were freaking beautiful

and thats saying something from a guy who saw you through your awkward phase

hes unconsciously touching you more and showing more affection, even more than when yall were young

just being w you was emotionally exhausting as he holds himself back from doing drastic things but he was over it

he was done with all the years of pining for you so finally found the balls to do something about it

you were over at his place to study for exams and he was coming back up with juice

you were slumped over your calculus textbook with your hair in a bun and glasses on wearing his clothes

god theyre practically dating already

‘ken-chan, come help me with this’

he nods and goes to sit behind you

with his tall height, he was able to look over your shoulder and place his chin on it and tbh, you were so frustrated w the problem you didnt care about the closeness

‘you misplaced a decimal so everything got all wrong’

he mumbled

you gasped and made a noise of agreement before changing your answer

he didnt move though, instead wrapping his arms around yourwaist

‘oi, n/n’

‘hm’

this is a familiar scene

‘wanna go to the market tomorrow?’

at the mention of the market you stopped and leaned back

oh god your heart leapt at the feeling of his chest behind you but you composed quickly

‘should we?’

you turned to gauge his reaction at your closeness but he gently smiled

‘yea’

‘okay’

you havent been back to the market together since that day and it was so nostalgic as you both did the things you did back then

from the takoyaki to the stalls

it was so fun

but your heart was beating so fast

his smiling face and thoroughly enjoyed face was doing palpations in your heart

you looked away to stop staring at him and found the photo booth

‘look, ken-chan! the photo booth!’

he chuckled at the thought

‘should we go get another one?’

‘yes! come on!’

you quickly inserted the money and shirabu had flashbacks

but this time it was going to be different

‘okay lets start!’

the first picture, it was a peace sign

the second one was a wacky one

but the next one, was different

‘oi y/n’

‘what?’

the shutter went off just in time of him kissing you

the bright light caused you to close your eyes and you soon forgot what was happening

all you knew you were kissing ken-chan

your best friend

turned enemy

turned friend again

and now,,, were you lovers?

this rollercoaster is quite loopy

he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours

‘im sorry if-’

‘no balls, do it again’

and this time you lunged back for another

and again, this time, not only did you give him another photo, but you also gave him your heart

la fin.

yall what did i just write

#haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!!#haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #shirabu #shirabu fluff #shirabu kenjiro x reader #shirabu x reader #shirabu kenjirou #shirabu kenjiro fluff #shirabu imagines #shirabu kenjiro imagines #shiratorizawa x reader #shiratorizawa imagines

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bestworstcase · 3 years ago

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Ok, based off of Moira saying ‘this is why I never went to church!’ Do Saporians have an organized place of worship for any deities? Are there masses or whatever held for Zhan Tiri? Is it a weekly or monthly thing, or are some ppl super devout and worship on the daily? Zhan Tiri does have a statue that gets offerings, was it common to do that pre-conquest, did they have small altars or shrines inside? Are there traditional prayers to Zhan Tiri by fishermen against storms? (All the questions!)

broadly speaking char malách has temples, cathay has barrows, and zhan tiri has henges or gardens. and then you get shrines everywhere - big ones in public squares or government buildings, and smaller ones in private houses and so on it’s very. everywhere. and then there’s places that aren’t like... places of worship specifically but are held as sacred grounds by their cults. so, uhhh

thorn syconium / zhan tiri

cashághē is the formal name of the socona henge, about five miles east of socona and right up against the edge of the peatland just south of the pingora mountains. it was always one of the larger henges and it’s one of the few that escaped being completely dismantled by coronans during the occupation, mostly because the nature of the terrain made it too hard to get to on horseback. so now it’s the seat of the syconium and kind of the place where henge holidays are formally celebrated.

the syconium doesn’t really do... like anything resembling mass or sermons, organized worship is very oriented around henge holidays, of which there are... eleven (sometimes twelve) minor ones per year and then five major festivals. the five major festivals are like if you’re pious, if you’re observant at all of the syconium’s tenets, you go to a henge to observe the festivals if you can, and if you can’t then you do the observance at your own shrine. and then the minor henge holidays occur every month on the fifteenth of the month, they’re called crēzáthanchīl / lady’s day, and you Can go to a henge for them if you want to but only deeply devout people do that. they’re pretty much just days of rest and, traditionally, feasting.

the five major festivals are:

azdīnach - the vernal equinox:

this one is kind of weird because, um, the sorchān calendar has a three year cycle of full year (ghaénīchē), small year (ghoshnīchē), and long year (nicheílean) and. in full years, the equinox happens on the 26th of araeháziray, which is the final month of the year and the last month of the ‘formal’ winter season. and then small years don’t... have a spring equinox, hence the name. and then long years have two spring equinoxes, one on the 9th of azlóhot, which is the first month of the year and the first month of the ‘formal’ spring season, and then one on the 19th of the intercalary month shaecaher, at the very end of the year during what’s called ‘little spring.’

so because of this weirdness azdīnach is a festival very concerned with beginnings and endings. the spring azdīnach is the ideal time to open a new chapter of your life; the winter azdīnachs are best for letting go of things that have been harming you. if you’re a farmer or gardener you start planting on azdīnach, if you have a child you name them during the festival or at least hold off on announcing their name to the community until the festival, and one of the biggest components of the festival is funerals! for everyone in the community who has died since the last one.

[there is no burial or equivalent component of saporian funerals, so it’s like - within the syconium, when someone dies the burial rites are done and the body is planted right away, and then you hold the memories until the next azdīnach and everyone in the community participates and mourns together.]

cresilínaeraegh - the summer solstice:

the saporian name for this one translates as ‘flower-maker’s day’ and out of the five it’s definitely the one that is the most. like fun. the festival itself is generally just kind of a big party, there’s a feast, there’s history songs, and prior to the conquest it was mostly notorious for being extremely loud and often very drunk gkjslkdjf. but theologically what cresilínaeraegh is about is commemorating the creation of ki itself, which was a joint… effort would be a strong word since it was kind of an accident LMAO but a joint project of zhan tiri’s and ri ni’n’s and huma’s and turul’s! and then this gets generalized into a celebration of life and growth in general.

azchīlál - the autumnal equinox:

so. this is kind of the shadow twin of corona’s festival of lights, in that the festival of lights is kind of ‘we are saying goodbye to the sun and bracing for the winter to come’ and has this big focus on symbolically remembering and honoring the sun in order to survive until spring. and azchīlál is more like ‘we are ritually killing the sun to perpetuate the endless cycle of rot and renewal’ KLASDJFK. azchīlál is the one where you get the ceremonial sacrifice of goats and other animals. harvests during the day and the sacrifices / feasts / revel after sundown.

tároshdhan - 15th of tárosh

this is one of the lady’s days but it’s the important one, and of the five major festivals it has the most significance and like, weight. traditionally it’s considered the day zhan tiri achieved or discovered choimghē (so, the day she ate ri ni’n), although i tend to think sorchā fudged the dates here a little bit. tároshdhan is very very very heavily associated with magic and the mingling of the profane and sublime. it’s kind of a witch’s holiday; magic is thought to be most potent on tároshdhan, there’s a lot of syconium rituals that are properly supposed to be performed or begun or ended on tároshdhan, stuff like that. (the crēdathámanē takes several years and is supposed to both begin and end on tároshdhan). the festival itself is accordingly pretty focused on magic and ritual.

crēlādīnacharogh - the winter solstice:

this one translates as ‘sun-eater’s night’ and in a similar vein as cresilínaeraegh it commemorates the slaying of jinarche and creation of the cosmos by [what would become] zhan tiri. in contrast to cresilínaeraegh though it’s a very solemn holiday! it’s kind of an accounting of wrongs and it’s kind of equally about atonement and retribution. crēlādīnacharogh is both a time for making amends or laying grudges to rest and for striking back against those who have harmed you, and there’s whole theological arguments to be had about identifying when the former is appropriate and when the latter is necessary. it has a reputation for being the bloodiest and most dangerous of the syconium’s holidays and prior to zhan tiri’s banishment i think that reputation was pretty earned because. if zhan tiri decided to smite you this is the day she’d do it. jksdfkj

it also has an element of paying reverence to huma, which is a really common characteristic for winter solstice holidays throughout the world because of the ‘humaic winter,’ which rosalia references in moonless air 13 and which - basically early in the shattered era one of huma’s cults pissed her off so she took the sun away. for six months. which caused famines and freezes and obviously it was night all over the world for six months while people frantically petitioned their gods for help. gkjsdjkf and then after that she was cajoled into bringing the sun back but this obv had an enormous cultural impact and now virutally every culture across the globe has some sort of holiday that boils down to ‘appreciate the sun or she might disappear again’ and also a big part of the reason why huma, despite being the third oldest god around and supremely powerful, has only a teeny tiny handful of small cults scattered around.

anyway! other important places for zhan tiri in saporia include:

janus point/cresezáhan - a much smaller ceremonial henge built around a yew tree zhan tiri inhabited from time to time, enough to imbue it with her power. unlike cashághē it’s not the sort of henge you’d go to for holiday festivals; it was used for specific rites and by witches who would visit it to collect magic.

stashalaghē - the pitch pond sirin visits in benighted chapter 2. like cresezáhan it’s a deep reservoir of zhan tiri’s magic, and specifically it’s located in the hollow zhan tiri tears in the peatland in this snippet. there’s no henge built around it because, for personal reasons, zhan tiri didn’t want one there, but it’s otherwise used the same way janus point is.

the charcāthēn gardens - these don’t actually exist anymore, but they were a sprawling, half-wild garden in charcāthēn’s religious quarter prior to the conquest. sorchā grew them, maintained them, and lived in them, and they were kind of a cross between open-air theater, community garden, school, and nest.

lady’s point/crēchíol - all that’s left of this is the defaced statue of the lady cassandra sees in benighted chapter 22; it used to be a much more elaborate and well-maintained shrine. this one was built by źatīr thēshala after they swore fealty to her and - kjsdfjk yes alcorsīan sailors would leave offerings there (of shells and bits of seaweed usually!) for good luck before they disembarked.

and then anyone who keeps a garden or a farm or anything where they’re growing plants or keeping animals will probably have a shrine to zhan tiri somewhere. prior to the conquest this was often like, literally a little statue you’d stick in the garden somewhere, but in modern times it’s a lot more common to have like, ‘stealth’ shrines where it’s like, a murex shell tucked away somewhere or a bundle of feathers tied to the side of a planter box or something like that that a coronan wouldn’t be able to identify as an icon of zhan tiri.

the splendorous temple / char malách

pre-conquest there were large, elaborate temples in each of saporia’s major cities - artois, alcorsīa, and charcāthēn - with the one in charcāthēn doubling as a seat of government where the thaómazhatēm convened. the one in artois was torn down during the occupation, the one in alcorsīa survived for a lot longer but was effectively barricaded by coronans and sat empty and neglected for centuries until it was also torn down about a hundred years ago, and the one in charcāthēn has been gutted and is partly in ruins but also still in use, albeit secretly.

services in the temples also don’t really. bear any resemblance to mass - there’s no preaching and i think of it as being more akin to like, a creative workshop? the temple in charcāthēn definitely skirts around the illegality of ternary worship by fronting as an arts school ajksdfjk and i think if a coronan stumbled into a service they… really wouldn’t see anything amiss unless they knew what to look for and where and knew enough saporian to recognize epithets of char malách. and then there’s also i think a really strong culture of like, small group philosophizing where you get together with some friends and a cháthar and just talk over tea.

i think of the splendorous temple as having tons of little holidays scattered throughout the year and really pious people might observe all of them but most just kind of pick and choose the ones they like! a lot of them involve lighting fires in some capacity jksdf. but. the Big One is cháraen, which always happens on the 5th of chámchar so the last month of formal summer. and cháraen’s festivities are basically.

- a water fast begins at noon on the preceding day (the 4th). adults who are observing the fast will generally spend the night cooking, because

- you get up at dawn on the 5th and break fast either in the temple itself or in your own community; both options are a potluck style feast where you’re expected to bring your own homemade dishes

- then for the rest of the day and evening it’s - almost like a fair with music / dancing / street performances but also the idea is you spend the day Making Things, so on cháraen you see a lot of people in the streets with easels and in heavily pious neighborhoods a lot of craftspeople and artisans will open their workshops and give lessons to the public - as a consequence of this a lot of apprenticeships get started during cháraen because it gives professionals an opportunity to spot young people who have the knack for their craft or just seem really passionate about it.

- at midnight there are huge community bonfires or even like pyres and you ceremonially burn the things you spent the day making.

it’s. meant to be a celebration of the beauty of both creation and destruction, and like a time of reflection on mortality and the finite nature of existence and finding appreciation in what one hands whilst accepting that loss is inevitable but survivable.

char malách doesn’t have as many sacred places as zhan tiri does because he’s a lot less liable to get attached to specific places but one really significant location for him is laran house & the golden spring. which has actually indirectly shown up in the story, here:

“—And this is ‘Daybreak on the Golden Spring.” Nigel clears his throat as he glides to a halt before the next painting, and Rapunzel gives it a dutiful glance. A tumble of pale stone, dewy ferns; honeycombed with small azure pools. Steam rises off the water in misty suggestions of gold, giving the whole landscape a gauzy, sun-struck look. “Marvelous piece. From Pamona Percy’s garden series; she completed this one in fifteen… forty-six, if memory serves. See how the water shimmers? She mixed powdered nacre with her paints to achieve an iridescent effect.”

it’s a system of hot springs nestled in the pingora mountains - i think of it as being actually quite close to rapunzel’s tower because the idea of calanthe visiting on the regular really tickles me - and laran house is… kind of a cross between an inn and a museum? built just beneath it. it is super off the beaten path, to the point that i don’t think corona is actually aware of its existence. but the springs are sacred to char malách and touched by his magic - the legend is that the springs bloomed in the wake of massive volcanic eruption that was a manifestation of char malách - so laran house is run by the temple and gets a steady trickle of saporian guests.

the barrow makers / cathay

there is a vast system of interconnected barrows under the hills of śaedhíhran, a town close to charcāthēn that is essentially a fully-fledged city populated entirely by cultists, barrow-wights, and an assortment of criminals and dissidents who aren’t too squeamish to hide out from the law there.

most religious saporians pay reverence to cathay on her holidays and [if they’re not following syconium burial rites and funeral customs instead] during funerals, and otherwise let her be. her cult is largely composed of bone-witches like sitheach, and then undertakers, grave-diggers, barrow-makers and so on, people for whom death is a profession. and then she does get some really extreme little murder cults that pop up now and again but, while mass murders and wars do draw her attention, cathay doesn’t really… care? about individual deaths so murder is not like, encouraged. and the ternary cult is under constant pressure from the syconium and the splendorous temple to not be killing people willy-nilly so it tends to dispatch the murderdeath cults when they pop up gjkdksf anyways

the point being. barrow burials, funerals, and parts of salanmora are open to adherents of the other two cults of the ternary, as are the rites involved when you’re hiring on undead workers (i have mentioned this before i think but a LOT of saporia was built with undead labor, and most pre-conquest saporian buildings will have a little shrine to cathay built into them somewhere as payment for services rendered), and bone-witches are allowed to do temporary reanimation in front of other people, but everything else is closed.

a key component of the faith is repudiation - bone-witches give up their given and sometimes family names and take on new monikers, they might sacrifice certain memories or feelings, it is… not uncommon for the really highly-ranked ones to have undergone amputations and replaced whole limbs with bone constructs and stuff like that! it’s considered to be one of the strictest and most difficult magical paths not just in saporia but anywhere. and it’s all very secret and even within the cult one’s personal repudiations are considered to be extremely, extremely private information. it’s between you and cathay and nobody else has a right to ask.

when the cult gathers it’s almost always for wight-raising, which is an Event! traditionally it happens during the closed portions of salanmora or on the 5th of shóldan (in spring), dathamánē (in summer), sicáraen (in autumn), or shalámaer (in winter).

and the difference between temporary reanimation and wight-raising is a temp wight is only viable for a few hours at most - cathay’s magic is propagated through the blood of the caster, so basically with temp wights as soon as the cuts scab over the magic washes out of the corpse. whereas a permanent wight is prepared and usually done by large groups of bone-witches; there’s a variety of different rituals for different kinds of wights - the rite sitheach used with lance in moonless air chapter 8 was pretty much an abridged version of a rite that would, with an actual corpse and a few more bone-witches to help, result in a flesh-wight that wouldn’t rot until the magic unraveled a year or so later. these are the popular choice for undead labor because they’re physically quite a bit stronger than bone-wights and also a lot less intensive to create, vs bone-wights which can last for centuries but are comparatively weak and take a huge amount of effort to raise.

wight-raising aside a lot of the religous practices in the barrows involve meditation, both individually and in groups, often in magically-induced altered states of consciousness like what happens during the public portion of salanmora. it’s a very. contemplative faith that is very concerned with separation from the individual consciousness and seeing and appreciating and being integrated with the pattern of the collective.

i think the first rite anyone goes through when they become acolytes of cathay is spending the night alone in a crypt or a catacomb with nothing but the dead for company - it’s about facing the reality of death and then relinquishing your fear of it and if you can’t do that then you’re not allowed to fully enter the cult.

#bitter snow #this post is three thousand words long hello #fallingivy

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puppy-phum · 4 years ago

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2020 – a (content creator) year in review

I decided to make this into a mix of these two games I was (kinda?) tagged into so thank you for @leonzhng and @tiesanjiao ♥ I hope you don’t mind me doing it like this ^^ all the questions were just so interesting that I wanted to try!

(bc of the amount of questions, I’m placing them under a cut so that I don’t flood anyone’s dash)

(this is the 2020 year in review that hanyi tagged me to ♥ sorry am so late!)

Top 5 Movies you saw this year

wow tbh I didn’t watch many movies this year as I realized yesterday when I was thinking about this for certain reasons. Or at least I feel like I didn’t watch that many? Nothing really stuck with me it seems.

Because of this, I will only mention two: Parasite and The Old Guard. Those were both wonderful in their own ways and I’m very happy I got to watch them both ^^

Top 5 TV shows you watched this year

this one is difficult bc I watched so many (and forgot even more?) but:

The Lost Tomb Reboot (my introduction to DMBJ. this drama stole my heart and helped me through the tough autumn semester!)

Joy of Life (it’s nuts that this happened during 2020? it feels like it was ages ago)

Kingdom (such a positive surprise and I really hope we get more of this :o I really recommend!)

Detective L (easy, nice aesthetics, amazing costumes. Bai Yu was a delight as Luo Fei)

Sand Sea (I am still baffled by how much I loved this bc I had so many doubts? am happy I did tho)

Bonus: Guardian (bc it has come to stay and the rewatch has been so emotional but so rewarding)

Top 5 songs of 2020

this is a tough one too bc I’ve heard so much new music during 2020 but I will try to put it simply:

Black Swan by BTS (I absolutely adore this song. I listened to it on repeat when it came out at the beginning of the year, I have cried for it a ton, I enjoy every stage I see for it and it’s just a masterpiece. it has also helped a bit with my writing struggles that I’ve felt creeping up on me lately)

Always by By The Coast (an amazing song that always leaves me in my feels. inspires me a lot all the time)

Love me or Leave me by DAY6 (this whole album was a masterpiece and I listened to it on loop for like. two weeks? this was my favorite song on it even if I adored the rest too, especially Zombie)

all of my life by Park Won (listened to this a lot in relation to my xicheng and the wedding I finally got to write for them ;; that’s one good thing that came out of this year tbh)

雨人 by 刘畅 (Liu Chang) (with the Reboot’s ending song, this one is my favorite on that ost. I love Liu Chang’s voice, I loved Liu Sang as a character and as I said, I loved Reboot as a drama. I get super emotional about this ost so I think it defined this year a lot for me)

Top 5 books you read in 2020

All For The Game -trilogy (listened to these as audiobooks but that counts right?)

The Song of Achilles (as an audiobook too and really adored the reader’s voice)

The Smoke Thieves -series (I really just binge read the two first books in this series and am so excited for the next one!)

Call Down The Hawk (love love love)

Guardian novel (am not very into these novels usually but I was positively surprised this time? it was so cool to finally get the original story and compare it with the drama version)

5 positive things that happened in 2020

joined mdzsnet and met all the amazing ppl there and got to become part of this loving community and :’) I’m so thankful, it’s been a joy

learned more about editing? or started doing it regularly. I still can’t do shit but am having fun learning more all the time and I really hope that maybe the upcoming year I can switch to PS and try out giffing?

went to Halsey’s concert! it was in february so a bit before all the hassle with covid happened over here ;; it was super cool and so nice and I just. I love Halsey

fell into the DMBJ hellhole which am very much enjoying. it’s a great universe and the story is so good and the dramas have been so fun to watch and. it feels like a good continuation to The Untamed somehow haha (also brought me a new friend! you’re amazing ashen!! ♥)

started therapy and it’s been... a journey. but towards something better I think? it’s something I would’ve needed ages ago but it’s better late than never I suppose

My Creations

(this is the other part where ali was being super sweet and mentioned me ♥ thank you for being so awesome!)

1. first creation and most recent creation of 2020: wow it’s been a while since I’ve looked at this horrible creation but here ya go jkdhgk [x]. I’ve come a long way from this (and my xicheng has come a long way from this too). most recent one is this xiaoge edit that I absolutely adore [x].

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020: this wwx edit that was part of my agust d2 edit series [x]. I loved to give him blue instead of his typical red.

3. a new style you tried this year and a gifset edit that uses it: this [x] wwx edit which I don’t know if I like or not but I was playing around with the font and all the effects instead of just normal screenshots + coloring. also I just adore the quote.

4. a creation to be proud of: I could mention that xiaoge here but in addition, I will also say this wu xie edit for reboot [x]. I managed to capture my vision so well, I was surprised. for cql, this songxiao edit [x]. I loved how it turned out in the end.

5. a creation that took forever: this wangxian edit [x]. like I’ve said several times, I lost sleep bc of it. I just kept struggling with the third pic and how to place the text there D:

6. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: this lwj/wangxian edit [x]. I had many ideas for this edit when I first started making it and I never managed to capture my vision in the way I first intended... the pictures I was supposed to use just never fit quite right sigh. I dunno why it was this one that gained all the notes in the end bc I personally think I have better ones too but am still thankful :’D

7. a creation you think deserved more notes: as said, dmbj fandom on tumblr is very small so I really want to say the two already mentioned ones (wu xie and xiaoge) and then my pingxie edits [x] [x]. also these wwx edits which I personally am very happy about [x] [x]. and from my agust d2 series, this yun bros one [x].

8. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: really just dmbj this year and I’ve already linked all of my creations for that :’D tho I have plans for another pingxie edit and a liu sang edit! oh and maybe I could mention guardian here with this shen wei [x]. I had so much fun while making it (also the quote just haunted me relentlessly until I gave it a moment).

9. a creation you made that breaks your heart: this must be my easter islanders (lwj and jc) edit [x] that just. awoke many thoughts in me? I’m going to put a link to the version where you can read my ramblings underneath :’D

10. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: my creation for the creator (gif?) challenge that was going around! [x] it was simple and nice to do and I loved the result. also, it was nice to work with jl for a change :’)

11. a favorite creation created by someone else: oh wow ok so this is going to be rough bc I have so many favorites ;; you can look at this post here [x] to see more!

but to love my two taggers am going to say these [x / x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by hanyi (I always love your edits, the colors you choose, the thoughts you put into them (and your humor too!). there are so many cool things you’ve done that I just stay in awe of! I adore all of it ;; ♥) and these [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by ali (I love all of your gifsets so much, they have such pretty colors and such good scenes, and I am thankful every day that you make all the amazing dmbj content, pls never stop ;; I should go through all of your creations properly one day! I noticed you have sand sea stuff too and let me scream?) ^^ ♥

12. your favorite content creators and blogs that you appreciate: this is going to be a huge list and I’ve already made my love heard for some but no hurt in doing it again so @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenwren @tiesanjiao @kholran @lzswy @englishbunnyrocks @leonzhng @aheartfullofjolllly @yibobibo @inkblue-black @cross-d-a @bloody-bee-tea @fytheuntamed @mdzsnet @lifegoesmon @creeds-eagle @underaswift-sunrise @sarawatsaraleo @lan-xichens @mylastbraincql @wangxianbunnydoodles @manhasetardis @distantsnows @ohsehuns @minmoyu @linglynz @highwarlockkareena @yiqiie @aowyn @alienwlw @wangxiians @kingbadcat @sassyassassy @tytangfei @lanzhannnn @skzmxtp @leoyunxi @yoonqiful @softjeon @rapbabenamjoon @ronan-adam @miyakuli @pavusdorian @arsuf @brolinskeep @gawincaskeyy and so many others! (sorry for all the random ppl on this list that I’ve never even talked to ^^’ just know that you make my dash a wonderful place! ♥)

I won’t tag anyone separately here but everyone who’s already been tagged or sees this is free to do this (or link me posts if you’ve done these already!) ♥ have a nice day everyone!

#tag game #wow this took ages #am sorry am late #thanks for tagging me tho!!#i enjoyed this a lot #about me

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izukult · 4 years ago

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sorry i can’t have you? one up me? so this playlist isn’t part of the matchups i’m sorry😞🤝

here you go IDIOT CHILD ( @rat-bastar ) being your friend is so hard 😁

choke - i don’t know how but they found me

ok absolutely your vibes. if you got the chance you would bitch slap me, we both know it. you big ol bully. this is the vibey pop ish version of a villain song and it’s such a hype song in my opinion idk

love me dead - ludo

we’ve established its a good song ok🤝. idk lmao play this while you’re thinking ab your friend OR her ex gf ;) as of my knowledge those the mfs you simp for or whateva LMAO

lemons (demo)

please. PLEASE THIS ONE IS SO OBVIOUS. you vibes. absolute you vibes. you @ me. you @ everyone. you play this on full volume while you try to convince yourself you hate everyone. you play this while judging every violin player ever. you play this glaring at maliek or whagever his name is. this song is you

piano man - billy joel

i saw this on one of your playlists lol BUT i feel like this is something you would blare on the bus or on your way to a fucking debate tournament you fucking loser

hesitation - hot flash heat wave

such a good song. this also feels like something you would listen to while you think ab other people. i dunno it’s got that sweet, sweet ‘condescending to hide real emotions’ energy and it’s vibey and it’s kinda sad yea

waltz #2 (xo) - elliott smith

don’t even get me started on how big of an elliott smith can i was. you def give him vibes but i mean that as a compliment?? i can imagine you with ur head down hands in ur pockets being all bummed out and angry walking up the hill to ur house idk that’s very niche oddly specific? i never really realized this song had BIG BIG BIG you vibes until i started typing this but i’m listening to the lyrics and it’s like describing you go off ig

everyone hates his parents - falsettos

i know you love falsettos and we both know we love to shit talk our parents so. it just seems to make sense. ALSO i feel like we would argue like marvin and trina or marvin and whizzer or marvin and anyone LOL

colorful penguins - we shore is dedicated

ok i know iM the one working, but this song please. listen to it. listen to the music. to the tone of voice. to the certain old tavern rustic vibe. that’s you. i cant rly describe it but the vibe of this song is your vibe

beachboy - mccafferty

well we have the shared mother’s name in the beginning there and that’s fun for me. also we know that i be smoking and yada yada and i know your friends do too and i feel like this song is just you dealing w ur friends dummy habits and angry fast sing

hannah - swmrs

something about this song just feels like a convo we’d have?? like in my head i can tell what you would say and what i would say IDK LMAO maybe that’s just me but it’s also a good song

problems - mother mother

this song. LMAOOOO. the way you constantly BULLY me i feel like this song is how you present urself to other ppl v some deep shit like how you feel ab urself idk i’m not ur therapist ur apparently mine w how much you be psychoanalyzing me🤨. ALSO you’d scream this dont argue w me

i love you like an alcoholic - the taxpayers

multiple things here. again those crusty cobblestone streets at night after it rains where someone’s getting murdered in an alleyway vibes that you give. and i feel like if u were ever like <3 at someone, this is how you’d feel idc bitch

seashore - the regrettes

i love this band sm pls i want to kiss her. ANYWAY feels again like a you @ the world song. you just feel like someone who would shove someone in a trash can if they said one wrong word about you & i rly appreciate it

gooey - glass animals

this song feels like something that would be on a playlist with “i know this:” and i thought you’d like those vibes. sorry for the peanut butter reference

chicago - flipturn

you feel like someone who would let me play flipturn and pretend to hate it cos you pretend to hate everything i do but actually vibe w it so

everybody loves raymond (except for me) - mookamay

this is the girl i was tellin u ab who wrote the songs ab me YEA THIS IS ONE OF THE SONGS AB ME SO I FIGURED YOU WOULD APPRECIATE A SONG THAT WAS KIND OF A SLIGHT TO ME SO LMAO I PUT IT ON THERE. basically this is a song ab someone literally getting tired of ME so yknow felt fitting 😁‼️ (this one is mostly a joke and i will probably take it off the playlist but it still stands)

power over me - dermot kennedy

you seem like someone who would listen to dermot kennedy which is fair bc i used to scream this shit in the shower i would just have a lil concert and you give me the same vibe this one isn’t that deep

ghost duet - louie zong

lol some serotonin. just this playin in the background while u game

iris - the goo goo dolls

just a rly good song. just a rly good song that fits ur vibe. also if u were ever in love i also stand by saying you would listen to this & think ab them

dream sweet in sea major - miracle musical

if you were ever listen to “soft music🥺✊” this would be your version of it

bs - still woozy

I TOLD U TO LISTEN TO THIS AND I DONT THINK YOU DID YOU BITCH SO NOW I WILL FORCE YOU. also i have brown eyes so basically this is everyone including u @ me it’s ok ur human u can’t be blamed for acknowledging my charm ;) 😁🤝

paper thin hotel - matt maltese

you just seem like someone who would listen to him during a depressive episode

troubled mind - cannibal kids

cant find the right words for this one but like gives me you trying to be there for someone and coming off as apathetic and someone not knowing how to be a proper friend to you and yall just space vibes yknow what i mean?? Idk

bloom (bonus track) - the paper kites

if you and a girl (strictly a girl idc that this was written by a dude no fucking guy gets this song) were in love. like in any way. romantic love, platonic love, competitive love idgaf i just feel like THIS has the vibe for u

kill the director - the wombats

i don’t care THIS IS YOU IN LOVE. I THINK YOUD HATE HAVING REAL FEELINGS FOR SOMEONE. YOUD DEF BE THE PERSON TO IGNORE IT AND YOU BULLY THEM JUST A L I L EXTRA AND YOU DO LIL THINGS THAT SHOW U LIKE EM LIKE IF YOU RLY PAY ATTENTION YOU CAN PICK IT UP but no way you’re gonna express that shit LMAO

i got the blues - big bill broonzy

i dunno this ones just a banger

dirty imbecile - the happy first

this is you having a breakdown. that’s all! thanks queen!

under my skin - jukebox the ghost

very similar to lemons but also different?? you getting pissed at everyone but having a select couple ppl you cherish 👍

song for me - greer

where do i START? you not properly voicing emotions ? preppy pessimism ? dissociation ? vibing ? teen angst ? good vibes ? in love w ideas ?

my explanations aren’t as good as urs but also i’m cool so 👍 ur welcome you’ve been blessed by a personalized playlist from ME 🙄🙌 not from no bitchass capitalist anime character 😐

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charmspoint · 3 years ago

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Haha, hiii, you seem like super nice and I'd love to be friends or something, but I have like theeeee worst social anxiety especially on social media so actually messaging is out of the question. Sooo anyway what this amounts to is that I just think you're really cool and nice and seem very friendly and fun to talk to, hope you have a super nice day!!

Hello! Thank you so much that's such a sweet message ;-;

Don't worry about it anon, you just take it easy on yourself. I know a bit or two about social anxiety. Not too long ago I was absolutely terrified about speaking up about anything in social situations. Like it was the kind where i would enter a group on discord and immediately assume everyone there hated me for ??? no real reason. My initial assumption was simply that i was a very hatable person and that the people i was interacting with had to build towards liking me instead of something needing to happen for them to hate me. So if anything small happened at all, such as for example my message getting accidentally overseen because a lot of people were texting, my mind would immediately blow it out of proportion and think 'they are ignoring me because they dont want me here and they think what i said was stupid'. I remember times when i was literally shaking with anxiety over a server fight or how hard it was for me to make friends and how i basically made my two college friends by sheer luck. One time me and my friend got into a fight and i spent a few days in such a catastrophic mood like 'she hates me forever now and my other friend will leave me too and ill be all alone again because im a hateble person'...we made up a few days after and are still friends.

That was a lot of text to basically say 'i get what you are going through'. Social Anxiety is very rough and very hard to ease because well...it requires you to put yourself out there and that's the scary part. It's like jumping out of a plane when you are afraid of heights, you need to expose yourself to the possibility that people might not like you and that you might have bad social experiences to ease the fear of it. It takes time and it takes good people. It meant a lot to me when in those servers i mentioned i could go to a mod and ask them 'hey do people here hate me?' and them having take it seriously as social anxiety. Like terumob server is long dead and Sassi doesn't follow me here i dont think but 💗Sassi i love you thank you💗It was really nice to be able to sit with someone and basically go 'i know im being irrational but i need reassurance anyway' because things like these are like 'i KNOW its not that bad but i cant help but FEELING like its that bad' and it was really nice to like have ppl who'd go 'if something ever kick starts ur anxiety come to me and i'll check' like just to have someone say 'no this doesnt mean what ur afraid it means' is so very reassuring. And then here i had @autumn-foxfire who i can properly tag and who's inbox i hounded for a while on anon with very long ass rants until i was assured that i was not being super fuckin annoying with my rants and that they are actually fun and enjoyable and now we are friends on here :D so thank you too foxy i also love u 💗

This has gotten really long...but basically like...here i am now, making long ass rants about things i like and have opinions on and there are people who jive with it and there are people who like my fics and come tell me about it (💗all of you guys are great and I super appreciate you making this such a fun experience💗). This kind of stuff is rough and it might ease but it never really feels like it fully goes away. I'm still shit ass at actually making friends irl because idk how to talk to people but i feel like i can be much more of myself because i no longer feel the need to just...cut myself into a silent little cube that nobody notices. So I'm cheering for you anon!! Take things at your own pace but know that things will take pushing and that that pushing might be scary but its so worth it in the end. In the end you know yourself best and you don't really need to start by jumping out of a plane but maybe by finding a nice wall to jump off of. Either way my inbox is always open and I'm not exactly prone to biting lmao.

Thank you again for such a sweet message it really made my morning💗💗💗I'm sorry my reply got so long hbjhbjh i have a lot of thoughts on things >.< 💗 I hope you have a nice day too!!

#anon #keep fighting anon things get easier over time!#believe in me who believes in you #im like: oh something i can relate to? better write a novel about it

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painfog · 5 years ago

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Hey so I saw you mention top surgery and was curious. I was supposed to be having top surgery this summer but that’s postponed. I was curious how that went with chronic pain? I’m scared about the surgical binder with my fibro and back pain. Any advice or info would be greatly appreciated!! (You can answer privately if you prefer)

ive actually been meaning to write up a big post on this pretty much since i had top surgery but still haven't got around to it yet so I'm happy to talk about it lol. ill go over stuff now n still aim to do a more in depth post later when im on my laptop (but writing this now bc i tend to forget everything haha). ill stick to the more fibro / chronic illness specific stuff & stuff i wasnt expecting rather than rehashing everything. apologies im on mobile so i cant put this under a cut

firstly, im sorry ur surgery got postponed! i know that must be gutting, so i hope it gets rescheduled asap & the time until then passes easily for u ❤️

I had double incision with free nipple grafts on the 4th of september 2019 with Mr Miles Berry at the london wellbeck hospital. i think he did an amazing job and can't recommend him enough for his work! i think the last pics i took of my chest were for tdov, and ill rb them after i post this for reference. i didnt have drains at any point of the surgery

for ppl with fibro, i was told that the pain after surgery either tends to trigger a flareup, or be really easily manageable, and it's hard to predict which it will be beforehand. its best to prepare for a flareup and be pleasently surprised if u dont get one. for me, i had a flareup that sucked but wasnt too bad as far as flareups go

you'll probably get given painkillers. take them regularly. it's easier to treat pain preemptively. if u don't get given them (no idea how it works outside of the uk) id say def get codine and paracetamol. u can't take ibuprofen for a while

i woke up from aneasthetic freezing cold + in a lot of pain. apparently most ppl dont need the full dose of morphine, but i did. after that it was a bit better. i was just So Goddamn Hungry literally it's all i was talking about

that night in hospital was probably one of the most uncomfortable in my life. you have to sleep sitting up for like blood reasons, so my back pain was quite bad bc of it. moving around a bit and adjusting pillows helped. if u have anything that normally helps ur back pain bring it with u to the hospital, & dont be afraid to ask the nurses for help with it (even if they can just adjust ur pillows for u). i couldnt rly sleep much but distraction helps. bring ur phone + headphones. i did a few ask memes when i couldnt sleep

the first week from surgery was rly tough, the first few days especially. this was bc i still had to sleep elevated for a few days and i couldnt get comfortable. i was too exhausted to do anything but couldn't sleep and it rly started to get me down. then i got some sleeping tablets (just nytol) and that helped so much. i literally cannot recommend it enough bc the not sleeping properly made everything hard (and like esp because with fibro the whole pain/fatigue/depression cycle is so real). once i started sleeping better recovery became a lot easier, and the tablets made the awkward sleeping positions more manageable. if i had to give only one bit of advice this would be it

on that note, ik everyone says this but do get a V pillow. it helps u adjust to sleeping on ur back and if u sleep on ur side normally it means u can like lean slightly sideways on it which makes it sm easier. also this isn't even top related but they make good back pillows when ur watching stuff in bed even now

get urself some video games (if ur into them) and easy entertainment shows lined up for when u wanna have them. recovering from major surgery makes ur fatigue even more pronounced so ur not going to be able to do all that much, but having light entertainment ready to go stops u getting as bored. its also a good excuse to finally play/watch the things you've been meaning to for a while

go outside when u can. if u have a garden just walk around it. it helps with a lot of stuff, and idk about u but i always forget how much it does. even just helping u sleep better if u get trapped in a fibro fatigued-but-can't-sleep cycle. and it goes so far helping u feel human in the first week

the first week is rly hard for a lot of ppl - its frustrating to have all that pain and exhaustion and not being able to wash or change the binder, and with the swelling and bandages under the binder it doesn't really feel like there's much change, which all sort of adds together. i keep going on about this week bc it helps to mentally prepare for it - there's no need to dread it, you just need to remind urself how worth it itll all be and that the rest of recovery is a lot better than the first part, and in time it won't have seemed that bad. big picture stuff

when u get the chest reveal, everything's better. i didnt stop smiling. and when u put the post op binder on afterwards, without all the bandaging, u like feel for the first time how much flatter u are??? and its amazing. even with the swelling. and then u get to shower and u feel human again and its great. (ik some ppl have their post ops/chest reveals much earlier than a week, but 5 days to a week is pretty standard in the uk. mine was 6 days i think)

more post op binder stuff: i got given 2. the first one i woke up in after the surgery and wasn't allowed to take off until my post op, and the second one i got given at my post op to change into after i showered. After that i alternated every few days. whatever u get given, if u get less than 2 i recommend getting another one so u can alternate them (if u want help sourcing them hmu. ive also still got mine i need to give away)

the post op binders were actually a lot easier to wear full time than normal binders. they were like more stretchy, and stretchy the full way round (bc they dont have the compression bit at the front). i used to sleep in my normal binder every time i slept with my ex, and that hurt like a motherfuck sometimes. the post op binder was much kinder to my ribs

i had to wear the post op binder full time, taking it off like once a day to shower n let my chest breathe (and massage my scars once i started that). some surgeons arent that strict abt wearing it that long, but it really helps swelling, & bc i didnt have drains it was rly important to stop fluid buildup. ik quite a few guys in my trans groups who stopped wearing their binder fairly early and then got quite a lot of swelling so i didn't want to risk it & i wore it for the full 6 weeks. at some point (icr when but maybe at 6 weeks? bc my post op was at 8 weeks bc he was on holiday) i didnt wear it during the day and only wore it at night

all in all the binder didnt bother me that much. it was more comfortable than my regular binders and i just kinda got on with it. it was annoying tho and i was glad when i could stop wearing it. for me the most annoying part was that it was a full length binder (i always wore half length before) and the riding up at the hips was rly irritating. i actually quite liked sleeping with it tho it was a pretty nice pressure stim ahah

some post op binders r more comfortable than others. if u have to buy ur own, i rly suggest going with a proper surgical one (they arent too hard to find second hand for free or cheap, again im happy to help here) bc they're kinder to chronic pain. i know that having a comfortable post op binder made it all a lot easier for me. there are also lots of alternatives w lots of price ranges tho, so that's not ur only option

ok i think thats everything right now! sorry its so long, but let me know if u have any questions!!

finally: before i got top ppl told me that its honestly life changing, and i didnt realise how true that would be. literally every single aspect of my life is at least partially better because of it, and most of them drastically so. I'm really excited for you to get that for yourself, and im wishing u all the best for it 💕

#and like i said ill post a more complete version at some point when i have time and my laptop #but dw that one ill be able to put under a cut #asks #long post #top surgery #fibromyalgia #is there a tag for chronically ill trans ppl?? i feel like there should be the venn diagram is pretty chunky #medical //#also its 2am as im writinf this lmao sorry if it doesnt make sense

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suzi-q-uinn · 5 years ago

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The night before...

In honour of @alloveroliver event #AllOverKinkTober, a little early, but hey... Who cares!

Day 18: Master/Slave, lapdance, uniform

Ray x Alice x Fenrir

NSFW!!! And I mean NSFW ppl. Smut!!

-----

Ray stirred...

Groggily he opened his eyes a peep. He thought he was in the living room - it was hard to tell with the light so bright. He groaned. If the pounding in his head was anything to go by, the night before had been a great succes.

Slowly he lifted his head from the back of the sofa. Fenrir was next to him, about an arms length away and there head draped on his shoulder, in between, them lay Alice. A naked Alice. Well she had Fen's gloves on her hands and his own tie around her waist, but that was about it.

His cape, used as a blanket, had slid down to her hips, revealing smooth pale skin and a curvy figure. Flashes of last night danced in his mind's eye as he glanced over her breasts - stopping to stare at her nipples.

Those nipples.... the nipples he ran his tongue over, sucked into his mouth, pinched between his lips and even bit lightly to coax the little moans out of her he'd craved to hear so much.

Fen had been working under the same principle, as he was behind her, arm curled around her hip so he could use his skilled trigger finger to work on her clit. God only knows what he was doing with the other.

It had all started with a mini party...

Luka had been invited by a top chef to come and learn from him for a day or 2 at his country side restaurant. Sirius was traveling to some plant exhibit that lasted all weekend and Seth was on a top secret mission which would take him away for about a week.

That left just the three of them... And a marvelous excuse to party. They had decided on a cocktails and uniform party. Fenrir came up with that one - of course. With prizes for both the best cocktail and best uniform.

Alice had won the latter hands down when she rocked up in a black army skirt - that barely covered her bum - and high leather boots. A crisp white shirt, hat and suspenders finished her look.

It trashed his bare-chested straps and cape look and even Fen's holsters and underpants only get up failed to compare. Well it might have, were it not for the fact that after her third Chase the Ace cocktail they had just invented, Alice dropped her hat.

She dropped her hat, and without thought, turned round and bent over to picked it up. That was the moment they discovered how kinky Alice actually was. A quick glance at his buddy confirmed he was not imagining things. Alice wasn't wearing any knickers.

Even now - thinking back on it - made Ray's lips curve into an appreciative smile. He looked at the sleeping girl next to him and traced a finger over her skin, sliding it over her nipple and down to her tummy. He grabbed the edge of his cape and pulled it back over her as a blanket.

The sight of Alice going commando spurred Fenrir on to challenge her to a game of Truth or Dare. Which resulted in a pretty memorable lapdance...

"A lap dance?" Alice paused for a moment, considering the dare. She'd never done such a thing. Then she shrugged and simply exclaimed "okay". She took a big gulp from her glass and slowly approached Fenrir.

Her hips where swaying as she walked over to them. A hand went onto Fen's shoulder as she gave him a little smile - half shy, half erotic. Next she straddled him and gyrated her pelvis seductively. Ray felt mesmerized by the whole affair.

Fenrir couldn't resist any longer and stroked her ass. First gently but soon rougher, kneading bit, making her skirt move up - giving them glimpses of skin.

He could feel his eyebrows raise almost into his hairline and he shot his Ace a look. Fen smirked and shook his head slightly. To which his only reaction could be an affirmative nod.

A whole conversation was held between them in those few gesture. Thinking about it now it was probably along the lines of:

'Whaaaat?! The hell. Wow Fen, look at that.'

'I know. Shiiiit... but don't diss it mate. In fact this is an invitation if there ever was one. Men I fancied her for ages... I'm gonna go for it.'

'Yeah... Good plan.'

That is when he gave Alice's hat a flick from the back. Her reaction was the same as before. Without thinking she bent down to grab it, exposing herself yet again. But this time Fenrir was ready.

Straight away he had his face on her exposed pussy. Tongue sweeping up and then pushing in. Hands on her hips to steady her. Alice gave a little yelp and then basically purred as he lapped at her folds.

Ray felt himself grow hard. Her little moans, Fen's face half covered in her juices, his fingers digging into her hips as his tongue did his magic... It was quite a sight. He gave his d*ck a little squeeze - his trousers started to feel uncomfortable.

"Oh, oh Fen- rir.. I.. I ..."

Alice wobbled on her legs, making the Ace of Spades pause and look up. He noticed Ray's predicament and smirked in that typical over the top way when he had a brilliant - but stupid - plan.

"Alice", he said whilst giving her ass cheek a few small pecks, "look at poor Ray. Come on girl, help him out will ya? Use that lovely little mouth... Yeah?"

And with that her twisted her round to face him, and indicated to the now substantial bulge straining in his pants.

"Ray! Unbuckle Buddy!"

He did as asked and lifted out his d*ck, the head was slightly red and he ran his fingers over it. The holding it steady in his hand he unconsciously shot Alice a commanding look.

She obeyed and let herself fall forward. Hands resting on either side of his hips, she bent down and licked the tip. A shiver ran through him.

"Good girl. Did you see that look he gave from just that one little lick, babe? Look him in the eyes and do it again." Fenrir said, as he stood up behind her and stroked his thumbs over her folds, pulling her open a bit.

Alice repeated her movement and licked around the head, keeping her gaze on him - before sliding him slowly into her wet, hot mouth. He groaned. It felt so good.

"That's it Alice. Did you hear that. You're such a good girl. Giving the King pleasure like that."

Spurred on by Fen's words she started sucking him in earnest. Her tongue playing, twirling around his shaft. She closed her eyes and moaned in delight. Ray grabbed her hair and held her head a moment as he pumped into her mouth.

"Haha. You like that Buddy? Can't blame ya. She's doing an excellent job. Think she deserves a reward?"

"Yeah!" Was all he managed in reply. But it was all Fenrir needed. The Ace undressed himself - taking only seconds - then he stepped back and lined up his solid wood with her dripping pussy.

"Ready babes?"

Alice took her lips away from his d*ck, a dreamy, sexy look on her face as she nodded and tried to form words. Ray, normally so relaxed and cool, felt the irresistible urge to kiss her. So he did.

Whilst Fen slowly pushed his c*ck into her from behind he stole her lips. Licking his tongue over her mouth until she let him in. Then as Fen paused as he levelled out, he swirled his tongue over hers slowly, leisurely. Tasting her deeply. Demanding she pay attention to him, even whilst his best buddy started to f*ck her.

When the kiss ended, he bent her back down over his d*ck. Staying up on his knees he flicked his hips as he held her head. Looking up he saw Fen working up a sweat as he pumped into Alice a frown of concentration on his face whilst he observed what he was doing to her.

A moment later the Ace looked up, when he met Rays eyes a smirked formed on his lips as his hands tightened around her waist, pulling her onto his shaft even harder. Ray felt his d*ck twitch in her mouth.

Fenrir became rougher and with each slam he pushed Rays d*ck further down Alice's throat. Ray felt his balls pull, a shiver ran through him. His buddy noticed as his eyes said only one thing.

"Ready?"

With a quick nod to Fenrir he let go. The tightness left him as he ejaculated into her ready mouth. He could hear Fenrir come undone at the same time and Alice unravelled before him as well. Her body convulsing between them.

She was held up only by their hold on her. Ray pulled out, giving her a chance to breathe properly. Fenrir too was gulping for air. After the Ace pulled out he dropped onto the sofa, throwing an arm around Alice and pulling her down with him into his lap for a cuddle.

Ray sat back on his hunches, chest moving up and down rapidly, his heart rate high - although slowing now. He looked at Alice, so close by. She noticed and lifted her lovely face to him a little shy smile playing on her lips.

Then she reached out her hand and ran a finger over his spent d*ck, almost instantly bringing it back to life. A tired, but satisfied smile came to her lips.

"Your turn Ray!"

Part 2 to follow.. if it works out. I'm halfway through 😉

#alloverkinktober #alloveroliver #ikerev fenrir #ikerev #ikerev ray #ikerev alice

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loires · 5 years ago

Text

none of this is revised properly, so expect a lot of meandering. this is me yelling into the void.

i’m indifferent to marvel and this genre in general: i haven’t read the comics; i’ve watched many of the marvel movies, but not all of them. my favorite is black panther, and i also like guardians of the galaxy—maybe doctor strange, too (while i have a few issues with it, i ultimately enjoyed the journey and would rewatch it)...?

that said, i appreciate how you don’t necessarily have to see all of the movies to understand the gist of what's going on. sure, you’ll get more out of it if you do, but i don’t think it’s necessary. i enjoyed all of the cameos and the revisited scenes that i recognized in endgame. other things that i liked in endgame—ones that i immediately thought of...

the final battle is awesome — the music is wonderful, and i loved seeing everyone united and together; it's a great moment

time heist — because TIME TRAVEL

nebula! — i really enjoyed seeing her confront her old self; i’m guessing she opened up an alternate reality by killing her old self, and i wonder if that will be addressed in the future

gamora + nebula — UHHH, I JUST LOVE THEM

nebula + iron man — the lil football scene was cute

the ancient one — hate how she’s whitewashed; love tilda swinton; pretty much screamed when she reappeared... ;;;_____;;;

doctor strange + iron man — they play off of one another well in infinity war, and i liked seeing them here too

iron man — i don’t like what it means for pepper and their daughter, but ultimately i like the way his story ends

hulk in a cardigan + glasses

rocket + thor — their moments together in infinity war are delightful; while i think their dialogue is a bit iffy at times in endgame (i.e. the whole "you think you lost ppl??? i've lost ppl too!!!" bit because comparing losses on top of everything that's lobbed at thor in this film KINDA pisses me off)

starting with thanos’ death — i didn’t expect it, and it got me engaged in the beginning

INFINITY WAR

i thought infinity war was okay...? maybe less than okay now after endgame.

i liked the final battle. i loved how intense it was, and even though i wasn’t familiar with wanda or vision or their relationship, i felt for them. i enjoyed seeing the guardians of the galaxy crew + iron man + spider-man + doctor strange team up a lot; i liked seeing all of the black panther characters again, too.

there are some parts of it that i didn’t like when i first watched it, but i decided to wait until i watched endgame before picking at / thinking more deeply about them. after watching the sequel, though, my thoughts are pretty much the same.

thanos as the villain protagonist — it’s an intriguing way to tell the story, and i’m all for it in theory, but it ultimately doesn’t work for me. for him to work, i have to be able to empathize with him and understand his cause. i have to believe in him and his goal. he believes in what he’s doing, sure, but can i?

no. i can’t because literally what the fuck. the entire concept of “too many people in the world, not enough resources” is bullshit, and it doesn’t help that thanos’ thinking echoes that of malthus / ehrlich which is false and is also rooted in racism + classism. SO YOU KNOW... THAT’S COOL, I GUESS. it might be? asking too much of the writing to address thanos’ argument on a philosophical level, but just having the other heroes call him a “madman” all the time—! it kind of drove me nuts as i was watching because it doesn’t highlight the fundamental flaws of thanos’ thinking in the first place. it’s a good vs. evil story, it’s “not supposed to be that deep,” i get it, but it just really bothers me how this film reduces the overpopulation myth into “oh, he’s just crazy” because UH... there are actual people in the world who subscribe to thanos’ thinking as fact and, frankly, it’s dangerous to lay the argument out like that and not challenge it on a higher level.

there’s thanos’ thought process and then there’s just... thanos himself.

i’m supposed to feel for this guy? why? because he’s abused his daughters over and over again...? he even tortures nebula in this film???

which leads me to how he acquires the soul stone. to obtain it, you have to sacrifice someone you love. okay, i buy it, fine. but thanos loving gamora? what.

what the fuck. he abused her, he manipulated her—i??? sorry, that’s not love. gamora even says in the film, “this isn’t love,” and you know what?! SHE’S RIGHT. as far as i’m concerned, thanos shouldn’t have gotten the stone, and if the stone accepts him as its keeper just because he flings gamora off a cliff then the soul stone can go fuck itself.

in retrospect, the whole “fling your loved one off a cliff to get the soul stone” is dumb as hell, but i bought the concept while watching, so it’s fine, i guess.

whatever... he gets all the stones in the end... and then there’s the next movie.

ENDGAME

as i said before, i liked thanos’ death in the beginning. it’s unexpected and it made me curious as to where the movie would go from there.

after that, it’s a five year time skip.

when they mentioned time travel, i was excited! the film kind of drags to get to the actual time traveling, however. i get that it’s important to establish how it all works, etc. but BOY. does it take a while. i was shocked when i saw this movie would be 3 hrs. long, but now i kind of understand why.

the time travel is fine. i chuckled at don cheadle’s bit with the “why don’t we just strangle baby thanos” and that’s as much as i liked from this part of the film.

just... the way grief is addressed and handled here... what.

hawkeye. it’s one thing for the other avengers to be, “we don’t know where he is or what he’s been up to.” it’s another thing entirely for them to be aware of what he’s been doing and then DO NOTHING ABOUT IT FOR FIVE YEARS. just—what?! this isn’t a priority for them? natasha and the others are just fine with hawkeye killing people as a way of dealing with the loss of his family? and no, it doesn’t matter that those guys he’s slaughtering are criminals or whatever—because UH, and i can’t believe i have to say this: killing people is not a good way to deal with grief??? not to mention the others clearly recognize it as something very troubling themselves—and THEN THEY DO NOTHING ABOUT IT. BECAUSE..... . . .. . WHY???

“i think we’re supposed to assume...” no, sorry. i’m not asking to have everything spelled out to me, but give me something. was hawkeye too hard to track (even though it seems they find him immediately in tokyo, but OKAY), were they too depressed over what happened, were they too scared to confront him—what was it that made them leave him like that for five years?

(don’t get me started on hawkeye in tokyo. yes, let’s just have him—a white man—slaughter japanese criminals because samurai swords are COOL and so is tokyo. fuck off. thanks for reminding me again just how diverse the main cast of this film is.)

it’s the same thing with thor. just... what?!

none of you wanted to reach out to him in the last five years and see how he’s been coping??? the people of new asgard were just... okay? with seeing him once a month? they were just okay??? knowing he was drowning himself in alcohol???!! what the fuck. like valkyrie is there in new asgard while all of this with thor is happening, what. WHAT.

it’s not like i expect hawkeye or thor or everyone else to be totally fine and dandy after all that’s happened, but it really irritates me how it seems like nobody’s tried to help or reach out to either of them in all these years. if they did, just imply it better???

moving on, it’s endearing to see thor power through his own misgivings and self-doubts during the movie, but those fat jokes can fuck off. because you know it’s not like REAL PEOPLE deal with depression or guilt or anxiety through food. it’s not like weight gain is a REAL LIFE thing that happens to people who are depressed or stressed or anything. YEAH, LET’S MAKE FUN OF HOW FAT HE IS BECAUSE HAHAHAHAHA FAT JOKES. FUCK YOU. at one point, thor reunites with his mother in the past, who literally recognizes his grief/emotions + mentions how the future hasn’t been kind to him, but HAHAHA DON’T FORGET TO HAVE HER MENTION HOW HE SHOULD EAT A SALAD BEFORE HE LEAVES.

it’s lazy humor, and that’s how i feel about most of endgame’s jokes. i think there were one or two moments that got a real laugh out of me and that’s it.

it just infuriates me how everyone else’s pain and anguish is allowed to be taken seriously, but not thor because HAHA HE’S SO FAT NOW. this picking on thor happens throughout the movie, and... it’s just been a LONG TIME since i was actively annoyed while watching a film, and even thinking about it now upsets me A LOT.

maybe i wouldn’t think the first portion of the film to be so slow if i enjoyed these different reunions, etc. but i was so worn down by the above points that i just wanted the time travel bit to start already so we could leave this behind and move on.

like i said before, i enjoyed traveling to older films, revisiting scenes, seeing different versions of the characters, etc. it’s really cool to see just how many people they brought back for endgame.

but natasha and hawkeye, though. what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?! THERE’S TWO PARTS TO THIS...

so... you have to sacrifice someone you love to get the soul stone. SACRIFICE... .. . . AS IN.. .. . WILLINGLY.. . . . SURRENDERING... SOMETHING... sorry but it looked like natasha fucking sacrificed herself instead of hawkeye sacrificing her? SHE KICKED OFF THE ROCK SO HE WOULD LET GO OF HER WHILE HE HIMSELF DIDN’T WANT TO LET GO. HOW IS THIS A REAL SACRIFICE OF A LOVED ONE??? NEITHER OF THEM WANTED TO GIVE UP EACH OTHER, NEITHER OF THEM WERE WILLING TO ACCEPT THE SACRIFICE THAT NEEDED TO BE MADE.

like thanos’ acquisition of the soul stone is bullshit because he didn’t truly love gamora but at least he willingly made that sacrifice. i mean, if you want an actual version of what the soul stone rule dictates, go back to infinity war with wanda and vision: they love each other and, in the end, despite her reluctance, wanda ultimately chooses to destroy the mind stone, sacrificing vision, because she knows thanos can’t have it!

also... UH, WHY NATASHA??? yeah, because i needed that again after gamora. because i needed that again after ALL THE OTHER DEAD DAUGHTERS OR WIVES OR WHATEVER + MAN PAIN, DELICIOUS MAN PAIN that happens in the other films. HAHA.

not to mention using the same shot on natasha as the one on gamora in infinity war—just a broken body lying in a pool of blood at the bottom of a cliff. cool, cool. not infuriating at all.

again, i like the time travel in this movie; it all makes sense. but i didn’t really get how evil!nebula was able to teleport thanos and his entire ship to the present...? i guess they engineered more of the particles they stole from good!nebula or something...?

finally, steve rogers. uhhh... i don’t think i would’ve minded his ending so much if the overall tone / message of the movie were more consistent...?

in the beginning, after the five year time skip, he’s at some kind of support group, and he says something like, “you need to try and take little steps, you have to move on” after all that has happened. that’s a powerful message, and it’s suitable for endgame.

the message is contradicted somewhat in the beginning, since the heroes choose to undo what thanos did. but throughout the film, the characters go back in time and revisit the past: past selves, past events, past mistakes—people of the past that are no longer with them in the future. eventually they all have to say goodbye and return to the present without them: move on, knowing and accepting that there’s some things that you can’t redo or change.

steve and peggy also address this concept in another captain america movie. they reunite, when she’s old and lying in bed, and she tells him basically the same thing he says in the support group...?

PEGGY (CAPTAIN AMERICA: WINTER SOLDIER) The world has changed, and none of us can go back. All we can do is our best. And sometimes the best that we can do is to start over.

this message pretty much speaks to the journey of most of the characters. thor with his mother, wanda with vision, hawkeye with natasha (ignoring how i hate how everything happened), etc.

but by going back in time and choosing to stay with peggy, it doesn’t seem like steve aligns with that message at all...? and it’s weird because he’s the one to bring it up in this movie—and it’s echoed in his other major films? so having steve ultimately not being able to move on from peggy and the life he could’ve lived is...??? it just seems to contradict endgame and everything else in it, and it’s just... weird to have the movie end like that. i’m not sure how i feel. it’s sweet, but... IDK. it feels very abrupt.

i enjoyed the big final battles of both movies, but the journey to get to those moments is just as important... and sometimes it’s a rocky one. anyways, i felt very mixed / frustrated after watching endgame, and writing all of this down helped. i’ll probably delete it all later.

#p.#a very long ramble / rant about infinity war + endgame #now that i finally watched endgame #this should go without saying but: i'm yelling into the void; feel free to ignore; i might delete later #eta: okay now that it's been some time i'm gonna dump this in my general tag so i can find it more easily #the avengers #marvel

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pokemagines · 6 years ago

Text

ishtar relationship hc’s

anon asked: “Could we get general relationship hcs for ishtar? heart eyes emoji @ y'all”

a/n: ishtar is highly underrated i love her sm 10/10 wife... i read her arc in the story and god shes such a well written character...

also i’ve started doing otp memes when ppl ask for general relationship hc’s !!! -- mod touko

who hogs the duvet

you do, ishtar sleeps like a log mostly, and hates being too hot, so she’s fine with you stealing her blankets. of course, if you take all of the blankets, she’ll snuggle against your side for warmth.

who texts/rings to check how their day is going

both of you tend to check on each other a few times a day. ishtar moreso than you, though, because you tend to hole yourself up in your room to work on battle plans, so she’ll come in to make sure you’re eating/sleeping properly.

who’s the most creative when it comes to gifts

both of you, really. ishtar is really indecisive when it comes to giving you gifts just because everyone else in the army gets you things all the time, so she has to get creative. ishtar is hard to get gifts for because she’s the “you don’t have to get me anything” type, she appreciates personal gifts the most, which are usually a book she’s mentioned or an accessory you made yourself.

who gets up first in the morning

ishtar! she’s used to waking up early because of her duties. when you cling to her, whining because you don’t want her to leave you so early, she’d be torn between wanting to leave and needing to go to training. it really depends on the day (and how strong your puppy dog eyes are) on what she chooses.

who suggests new things in bed

the both of you! ishtar is willing to try most things you suggest and vice versa.

who cries at movies

you do... ishtar is desensitized to most things, so she doesn’t react to sad parts in movies. when she sees you crying, though, she’ll turn all her attention to you and try to get you to stop crying because she hates it when you’re upset.

who gives unprompted massages

you do! ishtar gets really stiff easly because she’s a worrier and she doesn’t notice half the time that she has knot upon knot in her neck. she’s very thankful for your massages, though.

who fusses over the other when they’re sick

ishtar fusses over you because you’re the one who gets sick more often because you don’t sleep well enough and are constantly around other heroes. you try to work when you’re sick which makes you even more sick, so she forces you to stay in the medical tent, fussing over you to get rest until you finally do sleep.

who gets jealous easiest

neither of you are particularly jealous people. sometimes you get jealous of julius because you know that even though he’s caused her so much pain, she still has complicated feelings for him. you know she loves you and that she broke it off with him for a reason, so she assures you that she only has eyes for you.

who has the most embarrassing taste in music

ishtar. you let her listen to “earth” music and she has an affinity for emo music -- like blink-182, green day, and my chemical romance. basically, any music that someone going through their emo phase would listen to, she likes.

who collects something unusual

you collect tactics books, but that’s not really odd. ishtar adds onto your collection because she always forgets to return books to the library.

who takes the longest to get ready

ishtar! her outfit takes forever to put on and it takes you like 10 minutes to throw on your cloak and go. you’ll help her do her hair if she’s running late, but most of the time she’ll take the extra time to do it herself, because she wants to look polished.

who is the most tidy and organised

ishtar by default because you’re a mess. you hardly have time to organize with your busy schedule. she often picks up after you, even though you tell her not to.

who gets most excited about the holidays

you do! ishtar doesn’t really understand the holidays that much as she’s never really celebrated them (at least, not to the extent that you do). you always make her dress up with you and she does so to make you happy. she always ends up getting into the spirit as your energy is contagious.

who is the big spoon/little spoon

depends on the day, honestly. she doesn’t mind being either (and likes being both) so it really depends on your preference. ishtar just likes being close to you.

who gets most competitive when playing games and/or sports

also depends. if ishtar is playing and you’re watching, there’s no way she’s going to lose. you’re just competitive in general... especially when you’re going against any of the askr trio.

who starts the most arguments

neither of you are big on arguments, as you try your best to agree to disagree, but every couple has its fights. you both have started about the equal amount of arguments. (the biggest argument you two have ever had was about you overworking yourself).

who suggests that they buy a pet

you do! there’s many stray cats around askr and every time you see one you beg ishtar if y’all can adopt one. she always says ‘no’ because the two of you are too busy to take care of one, but she reassures you that when you settle down she’ll think about it.

what couple traditions they have

you always take time to take a walk together once a week. not only is it time for you two to discuss everything that’s been going on, but it’s very relaxing walking through the woods together, hand in hand.

what tv shows they watch together

you two are really into crime shows -- from mindhunter to the people vs. oj simpson. though you do like light-hearted stuff from time to time such as merlin and some reality tv shows like queer eye and any cooking show (but chopped especially).

what other couple they hang out with

there aren’t many couples that ishtar gets along with because she doesn’t have many friends in askr, but you introduce her to eliwood and ninian, alm and celica, and ike and soren, all whom you get along well with. she’s polite, but doesn’t feel like she fits in with them. all in all, she prefers to go on dates with you only.

how they spend time together as a couple

again, it all depends on what is going on in the castle on that day. usually, the two of you meet in the library or go on walks and just talk things out. of course, when there’s a festival going on you always make an effort to spend a lot of time there.

who made the first move

you did! you thought ishtar was cute ever since she was summoned, and when you got to know her, you realized she was not only pretty but so very kind. at first, you two would talk a lot about julius and how he cruel he could be to others (she assured you that he was never like that to her) and eventually she worked up the courage to break it off with him. it was hard on her for a long time, because she did love him dearly, but she realized that he was also terribly cruel and she didn’t want to live with regrets in fighting beside him anymore. she leaned on your for support through the ordeal as you knew it was extremely rough for her, but about a year after, you asked her to accompany you to the new year’s festival, this time as a couple, and she happily obliged.

who brings flowers home

you do! ishtar loves peonies, you’ve come to notice, and whenever you spot them when you’re out scouting you make an effort to get some for her. she’s always grateful for them, and thanks you with a peck on the cheek.

who is the best cook

neither of you, that’s what the kitchen staff are for. of course, when either of you is on kitchen duty, it can be disastrous.

#ishtar #ishtar (fire emblem)#ishtar x reader #ishtar x summoner #fe4 #fire emblem: genealogy of the holy war #fe:h #headcanons #imagine #fe friday #x reader #x summoner #mod touko #q

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sidespromptblog · 6 years ago

Text

Blank: Part 12

Summary: Logan is logic no more, now all that is left is Apathy.

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen

“I appreciate the fact that you do actually seem genuinely upset for what you have to do.” Apathy said to Patton, it hadn’t taken ten minutes to come up with a plan, but rather much longer to decide who exactly should do what.

While touching Apathy and causing him an excruciating amount of pain was something that none of them honestly wanted to do, Patton quite surprisingly had volunteered, considering that he was the one who had managed to hold onto the emotionless side for the longest out of all of them. Of course, there were other things too that needed to be solved, which was why they were inside of Virgil’s room, at least for as long as Patton and Roman could stand to be in it. The room had an almost immediate effect on them, while the stress and anxiety just seemed to roll off Apathy without a single problem. Unlike them, he was actually fine.

“Of course I feel bad Apophis, I..I didn’t know that it hurt you at first. I didn’t know that something as simple as a hug would hurt so badly.” Patton confessed as they both sat on the spider web covered couch, their shoulders brushing together in such a way that the effects of Virgil’s room didn’t seem nearly as bad as before. “I should have listened when you said stop, and I didn’t. For that I am sorry, I’m sorry for not listen and..and for what happened after that.” The moral side’s eyes trailed down to the other’s bandage covered side, and Apathy shifted on the couch so that the bandages were once again hidden from sight.

“It’s...do not concern yourself with it Mor..Patton.” Once again Apathy gave the tiniest grimace as he straightened himself up, “I reacted poorly as well, as long as we both acknowledge that, then we should move on from the mistake and learn.” A sappy little smile curled onto Patton's face as he bobbed his head happily, the faintest traces of happy tears welling up in his eyes, before he hastily brushed them away.

“Yeah...yeah.” He murmured, leaning his shoulder just a little bit more against Apathy’s feeling the air of anxiety flowing away from him the closer he stayed to the other.

The both of them were silent for a while longer, staring ahead as Roman and Virgil were talking in the middle of the room. Roman obvious getting more and more stressed out by his role in the plan, as he gestured wildly to the tool that Virgil had in his hands. His lips were tugged down into a frown.

“I don’t know if I can do this Virge. I told him not even a few hours ago that I loved, and now I’m going to hit him with a baseball bat. What kind of message does that get across to him?” Roman frantically stated, wringing his wrists as he feverishly paced back and forth through the dark cobweb covered room. Back and forth. Back and forth. Up until the moment that Virgil stopped him, his hand bracing against the princely side’s shoulder to stop him dead.

“Well I haven’t told him yet, so I do it.” Virgil cracked a grin, attempting to ease Roman somewhat by his promise, they had both worked some things out in the hours that Logan had been gone, the both of them coming to some very firm conclusions.

“You’re alright with that?” Roman muttered, letting his own hand rest atop the one that had lightly been placed on his shoulder, the nod that he got from Virgil was all that needed and wanted. As he finally allowed his shoulders to slump in relief, he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t willingly hurt Logan again, not after his words, just words alone, had struck stuck a deep chord with Logan and had hurt him so much.

He would never have been able to do it, not again, they all knew that.

Patton watched them stand together, with Virgil resting the bat against the wall before he pulled Roman in for a hug. Glancing over to Apathy, he saw the other watching the interaction as well, although with a much more bland and almost bored look on his face. He didn’t seem interested in what they were doing, especially as he glanced away the moment that Roman’s and Virgil’s lips brushed against one another. His eyes met Patton’s, and he was looking away again. Very uncomfortable then.

“If I may ask Apophis…” Patton hesitated for a moment, drumming his fingers on his knees as they continued to sit together. “When we ran into the room, I saw..a..you putting something into your pocket. If I’m not asking too many questions, what was it?” The very moment that Apathy stiffened Patton knew that he had touched some kind of raw nerve under Apathy’s steel exterior, and he nearly took it back, ready to tell the other that he didn’t have to answer if he didn’t want to.

Until Apathy took in a steady breath, “It is a bottle, it contains who I used to be in the mindscape,” Moving one hand into his pocket he pulled out the dreadfully tiny bottle that was secured with a thin silver chain around it, “It holds...my emotions.” He confessed, and Patton felt himself inhaling sharply at it. Emotions and Apathy of all things, he had never once stopped to considering it, although it did make sense considering that the other had never let on about it. As it was clearly a secret. “I used to be…” Apathy’s lips turned down into a deep-set frown his other hand gripping his pale ripped jeans tight as his shoulders stiffened and locked into place. “I was once Empathy.”

With the whisper, out came the truth that he had kept buried for so very long, and Patton felt his mouth drop open for a second. Before he instantly shut it with a soft snap, merely letting Apathy continue before he ruined their little moment.

“I used to feel things, I remember that I used to feel things. But..but I stopped, because…” Despite not feeling a single shred of emotion at that moment Apathy felt his mouth get drier and drier as he went to carry on. Just to immediately jerk in surprise as Patton’s hand tenderly squeezed his knee, the look on the moral side’s face telling him to continue when, and only when he felt ready. Although truthfully he didn’t think that he would ever feel ready. “I opened myself up to someone..someone who wasn’t Logan so many years ago when Thomas was younger, and I got hurt.” He softly confessed, “I got hurt, and so I decided to stop when I could no longer handle the pain. But..but even now, I still can’t handle pain, so what is even the point?”

Pain clawed at Patton’s heart like a savage beast, even if Apathy spoke the words in the way that a fourth grader was reciting an essay in front of the entire class, he of all people knew that it didn’t mean such a thing hadn’t hurt. He knew that pain, he knew it so damn well, and it hurt to know that he wasn’t the only one. Patton never wanted anyone to feel heartbreak such as he had, he never wanted someone else to feel as if their chest was caving in and they could no longer breathe properly.

He wished that no one in his family would ever feel that, but... Apathy had. And Apathy, although somewhat distantly, did know that pain, even if he cut himself off from it.

“Maybe,” Patton's voice began in a soft whisper, as his eyes trailed up to meet Apathy’s. “It means that you’re ready. You’ve suffered and you’ve learned from that suffering...maybe..maybe that is the point.”

Glancing over to Virgil and Roman, he got a single nod in confirmation. So, fixing a smile back onto his face, Patton jerked his head in the direction of the other two as he stood up brushing away the cobwebs that clung to him as both Virgil and Roman got into position. Standing in the middle of the room, Patton raised his hand sending Apathy one last genuinely sorry look.

“I’m sorry,” He murmured.

His hands grasped at Apathy’s face, and it took no time at all for the screaming to start, the blood-curdling screams to ring through the room and to echo throughout the entire mindscape.

It was awful truth be told, as Patton felt the icy sensation crawling its way up his arms, as the shrill unfiltered screams of pure agony rang in his ears. A sound that would stay with him forever, Apathy’s face twisted anguish the longer that Patton held on. Yet despite the absolute torture of fire flaying against his skin, and the sensation of ants biting and gnawing at his underlying muscles.

Apathy held tight to Patton, refusing to let the other release him. No matter what, he had told them before. No matter what happened they would not stop for anything.

Low and behold, the sound of hastening footsteps thundered down the hall.

Tagged:

@neko-ereri

@seas-space-and-stardust

@estraevelyn

@katatles-the-fish

@greeneggsandham1998

@ibelievewhatsontv

@sleepyssnail

@thats-so-crash

@serious-ppl-wear-neckties

@secretlyanxiouspersona

@nerd-in-space

@blue-wolfbane

@cats-vetal-miking-vomit

@ab-artist

@moonstonefox12

@echomist13

@goofigami

@temmiecupcake

@nyamafriend

@cyberpunkjinx

@noahlovescoffee

@iaminmultiplefandoms

@entpscarleharrrr

@dragonsight9

@sanders-is-awesome

@tea0-0stache

#apathy!logan #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #prinxiety #apophis #apathy #hurt/comfort #angst

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jooheongif · 7 years ago

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it's theory anon,hi!!how are YOU?i'm really good rn thanks:)) thank you for your kindness again,i'm really happy i could somehow help to help you feel even a tiny bit better and hope you're doing well now,too(and it's ok to not rest on your day off but it's also ok to do so if that's what you feel is right for you atm!).about the mf(ilm), i thought the same thing, it felt like a parallel universe type of story!i also really love plotlines about friendship, (again cont.i'll try to be briefer!)

(i’m so sorry i wrote a rly long reply so i’m gonna put this under read more !!)

2. friendship is beautiful and i feel oftentimes underappreciated(but not mx!there they go again being amazing) so i love the concept. personally i like not knowing what exactly the producers were thinking because having my own interpretation of something and seeing other ppl have their own fills me with wonder,like,that's art!so many people think so many different things and no one's wrong i love it!!your thoughts about them appreciating everything they've done so far,you're absolutely right(cont) 3. i hope they are able to bc everything's so hectic for the.i get lost just looking at their official schedule,i don't know how they do it but i also hope they are aware of all these things bc those are all mindblowingly huge accomplishments in my opinion and i just want them to feel like their hard work is worth it,yknow?(is this comprehensible?)and i know they feel pressure because as you said the business is nasty but yea i hope at the end of the day they can feel like (cont.???again 4. everything they've put so much of themselves into is worth it,i love their energy and fierce determination and i just don't want them to lose it but maybe as you said feel less pressured..but then the only way would realistically be to make sure they get awarded in the Real World so we're all doing our best in the system&hating it as you said:/ they just mean so much to so many people i want them to feel that too!i try to contain myself but here i go again! sorry it's so long AND i have more(con 5. also!thank you for your big reply and sharing your thoughts i mostly just agreed with (but you're right so what else can i do),i don't have mbb friends to vent to and fanperson(is there a gender neutral term for fanboy/fangirl?) over mx with and this is really nice and fulfilling(again,if i'm boring you,you can just delete the messages and not reply!) so THANKS!it's great to strive to be a better person but i feel like one(you) should also acknowledge the good things they're already doing(cont?) 6. you showed such pure kindness and really melted someone's(my) heart and that's a Big Deal!djkghddgwe can agree that we both inspired each other :') also please i feel like you're such a wonderful soul and you really deserve every bit of gratitude and appreciation i managed to express(i feel a lot moreprobably) so!yeah!reminder that you're lovely and deserve to be appreciated and i'm also very,very happy you're here!you made my day brighter for the 2nd time now wow!thanks! i hope you and(cont.:() 7. your gorgeous heart are taking good care and enjoying your day/night! and this cb!i really like it i haven't had time to listen to the entire album but jealousy!is a bop honestly it's my type of jam and the choreo is stunning and so are their voices!iwas so skeptical about the lyrics(they could've been like hero or stuck and those made me a bit >:/ honestly) but i really should've known they wouldn't fail me in any way ever!i can't wait to hear the rest of the songs i hope you enjoy them too!bye

hi theory anon, it's nice to hear from u again ! firstly, i am so sorry for the slow reply to this ! but im rly glad to know that u are doing good :-) i'm doing ok too thank u !! how are u ? kfjjfdsjfdf sorry that u had to read my tags but thank u for saying that !! i just feel so guilty when i do nothing bc im absolutely terrified of time passing too quickly ? just the thought of letting a few minutes go to waste is overwhelming ? even though i know it's not rational to think like this but ??? theres just this constant feeling that im running out of time so i try to get rid of it by always doing smth ?? and feel bad when i dont ? idk ?? but anyway im working on it and ill be ok ! sorry..not to be dramatic and tmi and all that kjdfdj istg this blog gives me too much freedom to say...too much :( (hope the internet folks that collect metadata never read the garbage i write bc..yikes they aren't gonna hav the best time) anyway..yea. what a paragraph to start off this reply :( sorry for the honesty and saying so much all the time btw :( not that being honest is necessarily a bad thing but ! idk every time i write smth i suddenly feel extra self conscious and feel like deleting it bc im rly embarrassed and always end up having big regret later when i reread anything ive typed up !! but i just keep writing them anyway bc...idk ?? i'd rly hate it if someone got discouraged from sharing their thoughts/worries/feelings which i think is a rly important human thing :( so yea im rly embarrassed w anything i write but i'll keep doing it anyway bc i'm all for that kind of stuff and sometimes i know its not easy and it takes someone a lot to share that and its a good thing and i dont ever want anyone to feel discouraged from doing that ! anyway i just felt like i rly needed to say all of this..but pls dont feel obliged to reply to this mess !! anyway back to mx ! you are right :( i also hope mx feel like what they've done is worth smth w/e their definition or standard of that is :( like.. all of the hard work they've put into being mx it certainly means so much to fans but i hope all the hard work they've put into being mx also means smth to them at the end of the day and they are happy w what they're doing and what they've achieved so far :( and yes we'd love mx to always be rewarded in the real world :( though we love them and we want to get them a win, i know that everyone has their commitments, means and different circumstances and we can only do so much :( but even if u think its just a small contribution, everything adds up and counts and i know that all mbb hav contributed in some way in helping them get another win for this cb ! there are some mbb who can't buy albums or streaming passes and things and i hope they don't feel bad for this :( even if all you can do is watch the mv once or twice, even if you could only vote, i hope you know that it all counts and matters !! abt mx's schedule, i get tired just by looking at their weekly one idk how they can even put up w it all ?? after this they'll hav their japanese album and things and then they'll have their concerts and on top of all that apparently [some of them are also studying] ????? they are so hardworking :( HOW do they do it !! just..thinking abt their schedule is overwhelming !!! also pls dont think that you're boring me or anything like that :( im so thankful for any msg i receive and the fact that u actually took the time to type out smth to send to me ?? im so grateful ?? u are never boring !! honestly even if u sent me a stainless steel dishwasher manual w the page length of like..23 bibles, i'd still love u for it and i'd prob read all of it :( btw thank u sm for saying all those kind things !!! receiving kindness for the 3rd time is rly !!!!!!! and once again i've done nothing to deserve it :( i dont even know what i can say to you that will ever be enough to thank u again or to top what u hav already said ! if there was like a...maslows hierarchy of kindness of smth, ur at the very top of that triangle and anything i say will never be as kind as what you have said !! for you, i can agree that we both inspired each other :-) but really thank u so much from the bottom of my heart :( i hope you know how kind and lovely u are too ! if nobody told u this today, i wanted to say that im rly grateful to know u and i'm happy that you're here !! thank u again for being so kind and thoughtful and for making me smile !! :( same, i havent properly listened to the whole album either bc ive just been letting it stream in the background (but i dont count that as a proper listen unless i listen w headphones tbh) ill give it a good listen one day ! also im a repeat 1 kind of garbage person until i feel the need to listen to a new song ?? and rn jealousy to me is a song that gets better w every listen ??? shes too powerful atm :( one day ill listen to another song but today is not that day ! Actually.....I think jealousy is my fav mx song ???? before this cb i didnt hav a fav bc i couldnt pick the song i liked most out of blue moon/blind/fighter/incomparable. i was just gonna base it off the one w the most play count out of those 4 but now i know its jealousy ! what are ur fav mx songs ?? btw i know im always saying that anything mx releases is always a masterpiece no matter what, but in all seriousness its ok if u didn't like smth they released. i don't think it makes u any less of a mbb if u didn't enjoy a certain release or if u only liked one aspect of a thing but not so much the rest of the thing. anyway not to sound so...stale and commonplace but for lack of a better word/sentence, at the end of the day your own reactions and feelings to a piece of art like music...it's all just subjective isnt it ?? not liking that thing doesnt mean that its not a masterpiece or its any less of a masterpiece to someone else either so !! it's ok !! anyway this is rly....ive written a lot and its all over the place and incoherent probably :( i'm sorry !! feel free to reply whenever u feel like it, or no pressure on never replying at all btw ! also feel free to disagree w anything i say ! thank u sm for talking to me abt mx bc ive also got no mbb friends so !!! thank you :( theres so many times where i rly want to start a conversation w someone but im too scared and also i've got no clue abt how to initiate conversation ! and the times when i do manage to...i get stuck on how to keep the conversation going ? but when i figure smth out then im coming for u @ friendship !! i hope u had a good weekend and that you got some rest and that ur doing ok wherever u are !! until next time, take care ❤️❤️❤️

#how did i..even end up writing so much im so sorry :-(#and sorry that this is all over the place !!#i hope i didn't go on too much of a tangent :(#ask #theory anon #Anonymous

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liu-lang · 7 years ago

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A really long post abt my curly hair & the changes my curls have been through. tagging @laskyjedneplavovlasky bc you asked to see results of my plait

Okay so I only ended up plaiting my hair for one night bc right after my boyfriend found bed bugs in his bedroom. I thought I’d finally take the opportunity to make a post about my hair tt I’ve kinda wanted to for awhile.

I’ve always been confused when ppl describe my hair as wavy and I’d be quick to correct them, no it’s curly. Obviously I don’t see the back of my head often. And when taking selfies with a front-facing camera, my hair looks curly to me. But finally having someone take photos of my hair from behind made me realise why ppl think I have wavy hair.

I’m gonna refer to these photos by the row number + left / centre / right. So in the top most row, the photo on the left (1L), tt’s my hair the morning after plaiting it. I think I put AG Recoil Curl Activator the night before after showering to detangle it. Sleeping with a plait was super uncomfortable ??? It felt weird to have all my hair tied up instead of how I usually sleep with my hair down (and consequently moving freely all over my pillow). It might have been uncomfortable bc it was my first time but also with these results, I’m not sure if plaiting my hair is the right way to go to encourage my curl pattern. My hair was also still damp when I took it out of the plait. But I’m really glad I tried it bc now I know. I wonder if I will achieve different results if my hair was healthier.

Also just to point this out before I forget, in 4R, tt’s the back of my little sister’s head. She has slightly wavy hair. She wears it about shoulder length now so her hair just looks straight. And my twin sister has straight hair. I rmbr asking her what she does with her hair while we were just together for xmas and she said she just shampoos it and then dries it without any product. I remarked tt I wish my hair could be tt maintenance-free…… my life would be so much easier.

1R, 2L and 2R are all my hair with any of the following products in it and the way I usually style my hair. 2R is my hair this morning right after waking up. I can’t rmbr which photo has which product. They aren’t all too different photo-wise. But I will say I think using straight up coconut oil, although hydrating does the least for encouraging and holding curl pattern. I only use 1 product at a time and I use the product to both detangle and style after I’ve showered.

Trader Joe’s Organic Triple Filtered Coconut Oil (I started using this when I was btwn hair products & didn’t want to spend money on stuff tt might end up not working for my hair)

AG Recoil Curl Activator

AG Foam Weightless Voluminiser

Urban Hydration Coconut Oil Styling Cream w/ Avocado Oil & Argan Oil

I don’t have the financial means nor the time nor do I want to make a giant effort to get ~perfect curls~ so I know most of my complaints could be addressed if I had those things or wanted to put in the energy / have the patience to do extra stuff to my hair. It took me awhile to also realise tt I can have different curl patterns throughout my head of hair. It tends to be straighter underneath and the top layers have more curls. There are all these rules / suggestions on how to sleep w/ curly hair “properly”, how to wash it and style it, how to care for day 2 / day whatever hair, how to dry your hair etc …. obvs I don’t care enough to do all the things but I try and do what i can. I stopped using shampoo several years ago and have a co-washing routine. Long story short this is what I do now :

I shower everyday so tt means I wash my hair everyday … this is not recommended for curly hair … but I developed seborrhoeic dermatitis along my hairline near my neck and left ear in high school (there are small localised patches tt flare up due to who knows what… mostly likely weather or stress … they’ve never spread to other pairs of my scalp or my body #pleasedon’tspread). When I shampoo I use Neutrogena’s T/Gel. I apply it directly onto my shampoo brush and only use it on parts of my scalp w/ the seborrhoeic dermatitis patches & I try to keep it on my scalp and not down the length of my hair. Even so, the T/Gel shampoo leaves my hair feeling like dry hay / dead grass after bc the coal tar strips my hair. If I’m having a pretty intense flare up, I will add tea tree oil directly to my scalp in addition to the shampoo. (when I was still trying to get it under control in the early days of diagnosis, I was prescribed 2% ketaconazole shampoo)

For conditioning and detangling in the shower, I use SheaMoisture’s Manuka Honey and Mafura Oil Intensive Hydration Conditioner with a wide tooth comb. I actually start first w/ conditioner (so it has more time to sit in my hair) then once I’ve detangled, I will shampoo my scalp. This also prevents me from combing shampoo through my hair.

After I’m out of the shower, I dry my hair with a cotton t-shirt & use my wide tooth comb again to detangle w/ one of the products I listed above. Then I scrunch my hair to encourage curls and dry my hair a bit more. It *never* occurred to me to put product in my hair when my hair is wet straight out of the shower. I think I saw it in a Youtube video and I suddenly became aware tt I would dry my hair first until it was damp then put in product then dry again while scrunching. It totally makes sense now to do it w/ wet hair since the goal is to retain as much moisture as possible. I know everyone always says detangling w/ fingers is the best / most gentle but like I alr spend so much time as is w/ the comb. And I don’t want to be sitting down w/ my head upside down and hair turned over my face any longer than I alr have to. Then I go to sleep on a satin pillow case and my hair air dries throughout the night.

Looking at photos of my hair now and from 10 - 12 years ago (all the photos in rows 3 & 4), I wish I had appreciated the hair I had more. It was so different and so unique but tt was precisely what was so difficult (I heard the word “unmanageable” used to describe it a lot) about it and why I was ashamed of it growing up, I didn’t hate my hair but I felt ashamed and I felt like it didn’t suit me bc it was so big and so curly and I never knew what to do with it. Ppl always asked if it was real & no one would believe me when I said yes. White ppl here thought it was dreadlocks blergh….they actually still do even w/ the hair texture I have now. I rmbr having really terrible ID photos / school photos etc esp. when still living in Asia bc the photographers always wanted to get my hair out of my eyes or magically make it straight by running a fine tooth comb through my alr dry hair. Even put up in a pony tail, it would just be a giant bush (3C). I went to Catholic school w/ a dress code where your hair had to be up if it was long and I carried tt w/ me even after moving here so I only let my hair down in public when I was 18 / 19. Looking East Asian plus being a Muslim while having this kind of hair was so challenging. Bc everyone on my Chinese side didn’t understand why I didn’t have straight hair and my nenek was always asking my mum when we would be ~good Muslims~ and wear a tudung. I get my curly hair from my mum and sometimes I wish she would wear her hair naturally curly so we could look similar in at least one way but I understand how she’s internalised certain standards of beauty so she chooses to style her hair to meet them. She grew up w/ ppl being particularly cruel to her abt her hair & calling her ugly bc of it too. In addition to tt she had to deal w/ colourism.

My hair drastically changed when I was around 16 I think. I rmbr getting my hair cut to my shoulders thinking tt my curls would come back if I just took some weight off tt came w/ long hair…. but it just started me down a downward spiral (lol puns) to where I am now w/ my loose curls / waves. I started having an eating disorder at 11 all the way until I was 22 and now I’m struggling w/ it / just living w/ the remnants of it. I know tt having proper nutrition will help w/ my hair but also my body’s endured so much damage for over a decade, esp. when I should have been growing during my adolescence, tt it’s just gonna be a really long and slow journey ahead.

I’ve watched some hair transition videos of ppl reviving damaged hair and regaining their curls. This one by CurlyPenny comes to mind. I can’t believe it took her 5 years but her hair is fabulous and #goals now. I don’t know if I can get my original curl pattern back. Maybe this is just how my hair is post-puberty ? My hair is thin and not very dense (like if you look at my scalp, I don’t have a lot of hair strands growing out of one place per square inch) so it gets weighed down very easily by product. I know ideally I would use mists or foams instead of creams or gels. But I’ve found tt mists / foams don’t always provide my hair w/ the moisture it needs. And it’ll dry w/ a crunchy texture. Some ppl say oils aren’t the best bc they can build up if not properly washed out and I know I’m literally coating my hair w/ oils right now when I style it.

I’ve been watching Naturally Curly’s videos and I especially love seeing Grace’s Watch & Go’s bc I think she has similar-ish hair to mine in terms of her hair being on the border of wavy / curly. Having a haircut could also help w/ the shape of my hair and curls but my haircuts never seem to go as planned. I have a lot anxiety abt haircuts bc growing up my mum would come in and speak for me and I never knew what to say abt what I wanted / how to have a conversation with the hair stylist while in the chair. (I think there’s a thing where women have deep conversations & develop friendly relationships w/ their hair stylists). Right now, I think I want to focus on 2 things

Finding a clarifying conditioner tt is low or no lather bc I think properly removing product build-up once a month could really help w/ my hair feeling weighed down

Going back to deep conditioning my hair either by finding a hair mask / deep conditioning treatment or letting my regular conditioner I use now in the shower sit in my hair 30 min before I even take a shower

And maybe……a 3rd thing…. actually wrap my hair up when I sleep or put a cap on it to prevent breakage bc it’s so thin and to help w/ volume. Besides my curl pattern changing, the one other thing tt bothers me the most is how I’ve lost curls and volume at my roots. Idk if it grows out straight or what now but I’m not keen on how the roots are flat

I never really envisioned my #curlyhairpost to come out like this but I’m kinda relieved tt I’ve gotten it out of the way. Bc the longer it just sat in my brain, the longer and more complicated it grew. If you are naturally curly too, please share your journey ! I really love seeing the natural hair movement grow etc but ….. every time someone comes up to me to ask what I did to my hair to get my curls or they don’t believe my hair is naturally curly, I think about the stereotype of Asians only having straight, thick, black hair.

#personal #blurred out my face bc I was a grumpy teenager who didn't have great teeth & never learnt how to smile for photos

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