#out of fear terry would hurt Ian

[mickeym4ndy]

idk if I know how to put this into words but people who actually blame Mickey for everything that went down in season 3 are insane to me like that’s just so unfair. The person to blame for all that is Terry.

It was horrible for Ian to watch the person he loved marry someone else after being kept a secret for so long, and to not ask him to stay and everything obviously. his pain from the situation is very real and justified.

But also how can you watch that and think Mickey ever had the option to do anything different? He even says to ian “why you acting like i got a choice in this?” He never had a choice! He was never going to be able to avoid marrying Svetlana. There was no way out for him. To act like Ian’s pain was solely Mickey’s fault without taking the situation into account is just unfair. Mickey was a victim of the circumstances he was in, as was Ian.

imo it’s kind of similar to blaming Ian for how Mickey was hurt by Ian’s actions when he was manic in season 5. Ian wasn’t in control of himself. It was painful for mickey to experience yes, but you can’t say that was all Ian’s fault as if he did it intentionally or something.

they were both hurt by the others actions and that’s valid but honestly nothing could have changed what happened in either of those situations. it was all out of their control.

[kandyzee]

These scenes always make me think about Fionas and Frank's relationship pre s1 so I'm gonna talk about it.

The way she flinches and makes herself as small as possible HURTS me.

I think its important to put that she doesn't have the same reaction when men she doesn't know shout at her. Fiona can confidently get into confrontations with strangers. This is why I link it back to Frank. Fiona isn't scared cause she being screamed at its because someone she loves and cares about is doing it.

Whenever Frank's physical abuse is brought up, people almost always go to Ian as an example as he's the one who we see it happen to most. This is fine, but I think because Ian is such a clear representation, people often don't think about the other siblings.

Frank was likely much more violent towards fiona than we see in the show. I have a few reasons for thinking this.

First would ofc be the way she acts in these scenes. She has grown up trying to hide away from Frank's violent behaviour. She knows how these things start, and it's normally with shouting. In my experience, people don't go straight to hitting. They will throw things at the other side of the room, then it's in ur direction but not quite at you. Then It's screaming at someone in their personal space and punching near their head. Fiona had to deal with that where the others didn't. I'm not saying one or the other is worse, but they are different experiences. Fiona didn't know when Frank would finally snap and actually hurt her. Not knowing is a whole different fear. This explains why her brothers screaming makes her so scared.

Second is that fiona was younger and not able to defend herself. Frank didn't face any consequences for his actions. Who was going to stop him when fiona was meant to be the one in charge ? Frank is always less violent towards the youngest kids, like how he hits Ian but not Debbie or Carl in the early seasons, but once Debbie is older, he's violent with her too. Fiona is the oldest, meaning there was no other option than to take his anger out on her. As they all get older, fiona is able to stand up for herself. This reminds me of the "never hit my kid again" scene. The way she talks to Frank so confidently in this scene makes me think she has a long history of standing up to him.

We all know Frank favourite is Fiona. This means he was more comfortable hitting her. Similar to the way mickey is Terry's favourite, Frank's higher expectations of Fiona lead to her disappointing him more. As fiona gets older and her need for his love seems to die down (like debbies), Frank starts to resent her. Fiona is supposed to be a daddies girl. She's meant to love him even more than he does her, but she doesn't anymore. Frank is her dad. He doesn't act like it. Fiona acts out to desperately try to make him act like a dad. Instead of her putting pillows under his head, making him dinner alongside her siblings, she's distant and rude. This just ends up making him scream and punch more.

Now fiona is grown. She's 21 and almost never the target of Frank's violence, but she's still trying to protect her siblings from him. A few years passed, and now her brothers are grown. The boys she raised, protected and loved, the ones who are meant to be her rocks, are screaming at her. In her face the same way Frank, the man who was supposed to raise and love her, did. She is scared in the same way she was when she was 5 years old. She doesn't know if or when she's gonna be hit.

I think fionas childhood is something people don't think about in depth enough. Anyway love her forever.

[redwiccanrobin]

In the episode that features Monica’s funeral, Frank gives a speech. He goes up and says with as much love as he can about how Monica changed his life. How she taught him to live. It’s weirdly sweet for Frank. But the moment I wanted to talk about is that the cameras centers Ian as Frank says this.

He looks contemplative. Like there’s a vision in his mind that he can’t ignore. That vision is Mickey. There’s probably regret and guilt racking through him as well. Regret that he left that man he loves at the border. Probably wondering what would have happened if he had just gone with him. Because he wants to be with Mickey. Guilt that the man sitting next to him is nowhere near that level. Even though he wants to try with him.

Mickey caused a spark in Ian. A coursing love that consumed him even when they were at odds. He was safety and a thrill all at the same time for Ian. Ian found someone he was sexually, romantically, and platonically compatible with. Mickey held him tight when he walked him out of that jail cell. Mickey held him tight before he walked into that hospital. Mickey crawled into bed, said sorry for disappearing for a while, kissed his head. Mickey forgave him for all the things he did whilst manic. Things that hurt Mickey in ways that Ian never wanted to do. Because he understood that Ian wasn’t in the right frame of mind.

There’s a parallel between Frank/Monica and Ian/Mickey. Not because they’re similar. But because they’re opposites. Yes, Mickey taught Ian how to live. Yes, Mickey was the light that Ian needed. He was everything that Frank described Monica as for Ian. But the difference is the way Ian and Mickey take care of each other.

Frank and Monica encouraged self-destruction in each other. Frank always had this fear when Monica would be on her meds. Almost like he was afraid that if she was stable she would realize the kind of man he is and leave for good. Of course, she’s still a grown woman with agency. She was in charge of her mental health and chose not to take care of it and let it run amok. But seeing how excited Frank got when she was acting “crazy” emboldened her further to not take her meds. Monica encouraged Frank’s drinking and drug use. In that speech he gave, Frank revealed that it was Monica that introduced him to hard drugs. The rest is history. She liked him getting high or drunk as she saw it as thrilling. Like Monica, Frank is an adult who had the ability to get sober. He never took it though. A lot of that stems from the “fun” he had with Monica.

The main difference is that Mickey and Ian want to be the best versions of each other. And they encouraged the other to do the same. When Ian was diagnosed with bipolar, Mickey was the most supportive and caring of his situation. Even when they went into married life, we see subtle signs that Mickey still makes sure that Ian is taking care of himself. There’s even a deleted scene where he checks in on Ian; asking if he was okay, noting that his husband was slipping into a depressive episode, made sure he was taking his medication. Unlike Frank, Mickey isn’t afraid of Ian having a stable footing. He wants that because he doesn’t want Ian to suffer. Ian can talk Mickey down like no one else can. With both the situation with Terry and Mickey’s anxiety about moving to the West Side, Ian offered emotional support. He listened to his husband, knew all the ways to calm Mickey. He doesn’t want Mickey to spiral and to instead stay afloat. Unlike Monica, Ian doesn’t encourage the destructive side of Mickey for his own fun. He wants the happy Mickey who feels comfortable with voicing his emotions.

Mickey and Ian have their problems. Every couple does. Sometimes, they don’t handle it the right way. But, when the storm passes, they take a breath and talk to one another. Making it clear they still love each other. They accept each other at their worst. They encourage each other at their best.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

okay so i made a post (here) kind of about this a while ago, but here’s a full analysis on ian and mickey’s relationship and their struggles with abandonment and commitment issues:

as the seasons went on, one of the things made most clear about mickey milkovich, was his love language, acts of service. the way that mickey views love is that loving somebody is doing grand gestures to keep them with you. throughout the entire show, this is made clear, for example: robbing a man’s house for ian then kissing him (overcoming a huge fear of his), getting terry off of ian so that he would get more hurt than ian would, kissing ian in public, coming out for ian and getting the living shit beat out of him, (almost) murdering ian’s half-sister for calling the military police on him, snitching on a huge cartel and getting himself thrown back in prison for ian, attempting to escape prison again for ian, and eventually, faking marrying ian’s sister so that he could marry ian.

however, ian isn’t the same as mickey in that way. does ian love mickey? fuck yeah. but is ian as willing to do as much crazy shit in the name of love as mickey is? not really. it’s not that ian doesn’t love mickey or doesn’t risk a ton for mickey, because he does, he just loves mickey in a different way.

so, since mickey views love as doing grand gestures that could possibly risk everything in your life, he has a hard time understanding that people can love people in different ways that don’t involve a lot of danger. so when ian doesn’t go to mexico and doesn’t sign the marriage license, mickey feels as if ian doesn’t love him. his thought process is kind of just like i’ve done so much for ian, i’ve done everything to keep us together, but he still can’t commit, and that hurts mickey! it’s so obvious that he feels that way in 10x08 when ian says, “i wanna know how you feel!” and mickey just looks beyond pissed and hurt. and in the next episode, ian tries to explain himself, but mickey says, “no, you’re just saying that you don’t love me enough now”. to an extent, he understands that he and ian have different minds that work in very different ways, but he can’t grasp the thought of ian not signing those papers, because to him that’s a grand gesture, and a grand gesture = loving somebody.

but the reason that ian doesn’t sign the papers isn’t because he doesn’t love mickey, it’s because he’s afraid to commit. debbie tells him that he’s scared of commitment, and ian tells mickey himself that the reason he’s scared is because of his parents. and truly, it makes sense. from what we’ve seen of frank and monica, it’s been stated that they’ve been married many times; and ever since season 4 the show has made a point of showing ian’s fear of becoming his mother. and historically throughout shameless ian hasn’t had the best romantic history. he’s been with so many men that he tells a nurse that he doesn’t even know how many, we’ve seen him with men old enough to be his father- possibly even grandfather, and every single of age boyfriend (including mickey, sorry) has treated him like actual dog shit at one point. it makes sense that he’s afraid. he grew up seeing his parents fight with each other and leave each other (and their children) and then seeing his sister get into toxic relationships with men who, in ian’s words, weren’t very nice to her. his view on love is warped, and yes, he does love mickey, but loving mickey scares ian, and believe me, it scares mickey, too.

the real explanation to most of ian and mickey’s conflicts throughout the show is that ian has commitment issues and mickey has abandonment issues. they both grew up gay in abusive households on the south side, and loved each other regardless, but it was hard for them, and always will be hard.

[seikointelli]

For the couples, what is your favourite and least favourite thing about your partner?

Terry: I don't like how mean Carter is sometimes. He needs to take a serious chill pill sometimes. But hes very nice to me so that's a plus.

Carter: Terry acts like my mom sometimes and its annoying but I know shes just trying to keep me out of trouble.

Alex: I genuinely don't think I have a "least favorite" thing about Clear. Every bad thing about her is something that I do worse.

Clear: I love Alex and I know he means well but hes a little overprotective and probably thinks the whole death thing is gonna come back again. My favorite thing about him is his loyalty

Erin: Ian tends to ruin things for me. And sometimes its on purpose. Funnily enough, its saved me from a lot of bad situations.

Ian: Erin's best quality is how much she understands and her worst quality is her quietness. I wished she'd just talk to me sometimes.

Wendy: I wish Jason took my fears more seriously, especially since the roller coaster incident. Everything else is practically perfect though!

Jason: If you asked me this before May 2005, I would've said my least favorite thing about Wendy was her unwillingness to live a little. I've learned my lesson by now though.

Hunt: Well, I like Janet's sass but jesus fuck she nags A LOT.

Janet: I have so many least favorite things about Hunt but if I had to pick one, it'd be his lack of commitment. And lets just say hes good in bed for the "favorite" part.

Lori: I love almost everything about Nick but sometimes I wish he had more of a.... personality? I don't know. Hes just very dry sometimes.

Nick: I wish Lori would chill sometimes. Shes just way too optimistic for me. But I also love that about her.

Candice: It kind of hurts that Peter isn't really open with me but he lets me be open with him.

Peter: My favorite thing about Candice is the way she motivates me. And my least favorite thing about her is her stubborness and independence. I don't think she ever got the whole "teamwork makes the dream work" memo in elementary school but hey, I didn't either.

Sam: I love Molly with all of my heart but shes kind of a conspiracy theorist and it freaks me out a little bit.

Molly: Sam's best and worst trait is his determination. I swear I could try breaking up with this man AGAIN and he won't let it happen. In a respectful way and not a weirdo way of course.

[sisitrip]

"Sees" - Gallavich Week 2022

Late, but for Gallavich Week 2022 - Trials and Tribulations: Day 1, I wanted to offer "Sees."

Tagging @gallavichthings with an apology for being late and a big thank you for organizing this event. I may not be able to meet each day's prompt (life!), but I wanted to try at least one day.

_______________________

“When?” Ian asks softly between kisses.

Mickey sighs, closing his eyes. He’s felt that question burning behind Ian’s lips for the last hour. His silence won’t stop the inevitable. 

He was going to jail tomorrow.

“In the morning,” he says quietly, opening his eyes. 

Ian pulls back, face crumpling. He opens his mouth and before they can be uttered, Mickey stops his desperate words with a kiss. 

“It’s done, Ian.” Mickey cups his cheek, stroking it gently as Ian's tears spill. “I’m done.”

Ian pulls him close, silent sobs shaking his body.

Mickey holds onto him, at sea in his own emotions. But despite the pain, the fear, he tries to undo some of the damage he’ll leave behind. 

He whispers nonsensical, soothing words to Ian, trying to calm him. Eventually, Ian’s meds pull him under to sleep. Loath to move more than an inch from him, Mickey traces a soft finger over Ian’s brow as he slumbers, desperately cataloging everything he can for that future moment when his pain and need for this man reaches its inevitable apex.

The slam of the back door jars him from marveling over the fine hairs he’s never noticed on Ian’s cheeks. With a sigh, he gets up, dresses and heads downstairs.

________________________

“You tell Ian about tomorrow? This morning, I mean?” Fiona asks quietly, taking a sip of her drink.

Mickey nods, swiping a finger through the condensation on his beer bottle, hating the thief that was time. 

“Only told him I was turning myself in. He don’t know how much jail time I’m facing. Probably better that he doesn’t. He’s shaky enough as it is.” 

“Might’ve been better to just go. Skip seeing him sick and fresh off of another Monica letdown.” Her voice softens to a pain-filled whisper. “Trust me when I say you don’t want to go to jail knowing you left someone you love, hurting and vulnerable.” 

He sets his beer down and rubs the space between his eyebrows. 

He could blow up at her for saying something so thoughtless, and if he was a different person, he might consider that she was just trying to spare him painful memories. 

But, the fact is, she couldn’t possibly know that having so little of someone as beautiful and freeing as Ian made it impossible to walk away from him cold. It just wasn’t an option for him anymore.

When he speaks, his tone is contemplative, careful. 

“At my house, if you had something nice that you wanted to keep around, you had to hide it. I don’t mean drugs or money. That shit was fair game for everybody. I’m talking about things that were special, you know?”

He draws in the pooled wetness on the table, speaking softly.

“If we let Terry find stuff like that, you were in for it for at least a week. Terry would bring out that precious thing you loved, and taunt you with it for days, rubbing your face in it, sometimes literally, and threatening that he’d make you eat it, or piss on it, if you so much as shed a tear while he was wailing on you. So, I got real good at hiding stuff. I hid my shit so good, my brothers and sister would ask me to hide shit for them too.”

He sniffs, not daring to look at her. This confession, if it could be called that, was hard enough without her pitying look. He goes on.

“By the time I met Ian, I hid shit on reflex. Didn’t even think about it because, fuck it, I’m still living despite Terry, so it can’t be all that bad to hide shit, right? But, Ian, he never let me do that around him. Even from the beginning, when it would have been better to leave me alone about it, he kept pushing … kept looking for the shit I was hiding from him. 

He just kept seeing me, you know? 

And no matter what he found when he looked, he never stopped wanting to see.” 

He takes a watery breath before continuing. 

“Not sure if you can understand what that’s like Fiona, and I can’t explain it if you don’t, but, people like me don’t get to be wanted like that, seen like that.” 

Eyes stinging, he wants her to understand that any memory of Ian he’d carry to jail is life-saving and precious and a fucking solace.

“Now that I’m seeing Ian’s shit, really seeing the shit I know he wishes he could hide from me, maybe even hide from himself, I don’t want to not see. I won’t do that when he never stopped wanting to see me.”

Fiona wipes at her tears and he rolls his eyes against tears of his own. 

“Are you Gallaghers always this soft?” he gruffs, taking a long pull off his beer.

“Apparently so,” Fiona laughs wetly. “Go on back up to him. I’ll keep the kids at Kev and V’s.”

“Uh, yeah. Thanks. For tonight or whatever,” he says standing, a lump forming in his throat. She’ll probably never know how much of a gift she’s given him tonight. 

“Just, you know, take, take-.” He stops, chin quaking.

“We will. We’ll take care of him, Mickey.” 

_______________________

He slips under the covers, settling against Ian’s side, exhausted, yet hopelessly praying that the night never ends.

Ian wakes a bit and turns over, gathering him close. The healing warmth of Ian’s arms breaks the hold on the tears he’s been fighting all night. He cries silently and it’s Ian’s turn now to whisper soothingly to him, calming him with gentle strokes up and down his back.

They watch the sky lighten with each passing minute, holding each other tighter as the sun rises with only one intention - to separate them, possibly for good.

“No fucking courthouse,” Ian whispers softly into his hair.

“The fuck you talking about?” He buries his face in Ian’s neck, squeezing him around the middle.

“When I marry you, it won’t be in a courthouse. The circumstances would have to be shitty as hell for me to do that.” Ian squeezes him tighter. “Besides, you deserve better.”

Unmanned, Mickey huffs through his tears. “When you marry me, huh?”

Ian kisses his temple and rocks him gently, as if he’s holding something precious.

“Yeah. When.”

[arrowflier]

some neighbor person says something horrible to mickey (for ex, maybe an insult about his looks) and it makes him feel insecure and quietish and ian is rlly overprotective and after he comforts mickey

“Think you’d be better at this by now,” Mickey mutters as he scoops soil over the new seeds Ian is so proud of. “But you’re still making me do all the dirty work.”

“Maybe I just like seeing you like this,” Ian flirts above him. “On your knees and filthy.”

Mickey snorts, giving the soil one last pat as he stands.

“Please,” he says dryly. “You just want an excuse to get me into a bath.”

Ian is grinning when Mickey looks at him, completely unabashed, and his carefree smile does something to Mickey’s heart, makes it warm and fucking tingly.

“Leave any dirt for the plants?” a voice comes from behind them, and the warmth goes away as fast as it came.

Mickey sighs, closes his eyes, then puts up a hand to stop Ian from interfering like he knows he’ll want to.

“You got a problem, big guy?” Mickey challenges, turning to face a man he vaguely recognizes from their apartment complex. “Tryin’ to insult me by sayin’ I’m dirty when you literally just saw me diggin’ over there?”

“Come on, like I don’t see you everyday,” the guy scoffs, eyes rolling like a toddler who thinks they’re in the right. “I swear you don’t even own a clean shirt.”

“What’s it to you?” Mickey asks, almost amused at the pathetic attempt at an insult even though Ian is tensed and focused behind him. “Little dirt never hurt nobody.”

“It’s not the dirt,” the man says, “it’s the trash that drags it in.”

Mickey has to laugh at that.

“Who you calling trash, man?” he asks. “You don’t know nothing about me.”

Thin lips twist into something resembling a sneer.

“Know your type,” he says, “know your family,” and all of Mickey’s amusement fades as the words wash over him.

“Bunch of no good filthy freaks,” the guy goes on, “and I don’t want you out here around my wife and kids.”

Fuck. Mickey looks around, sees a woman hanging out one plot over, two kids hanging off her arms as she gardens. They look happy, healthy. Clean. Like somebody gives a shit about them.

Not like him.

He swallows, and wipes his hands on his pants, but it just smears the dirt more. And he’s ready to back away, ready to leave that little family in peace just to keep from causing a scene that those kids won’t forget—God knew he never forgot the scenes that Terry caused—but Ian has another idea.

“The fuck did you just say?” Ian growls, stepping forward, putting himself between Mickey and their neighbor. Mickey grabs at him, catches the sleeve of his jacket, but Ian pulls it away without looking back.

“Come on, it’s not worth it man,” Mickey tries, reaching out again, but Ian doesn’t stop. His hard gaze is settled firm on the man who dared insult his husband, his hands clenching and unclenching at his sides as he breathes heavily through his nose.

“Listen to him,” the man says, nodding back to Mickey. “He knows what he’s worth.”

There was a time when that barb would have hit. A time before this new life of theirs, when Mickey wondered why anyone bothered. Why Ian bothered.

But Mickey is better now, and despite his hesitation, the new attack makes him bristle. He gives up trying to hold Ian back, and squares his shoulders instead. Steps up to Ian’s tensed back, brows drawn low, and cracks dirty knuckles.

Ian lets one hand slide back, brushing his. He takes some of the dirt with him when he lets go, like it belongs there, belongs to both of them.

And it does belong to both of them. The dirt of the southside, never really left behind. The dirt of fear, and mistakes, and fights fought to make things better. The dirt they both dug through to reach each other, to reach this place, this time, this happiness that no asshole with too-clean hands could ever take away from them again.

The dirt sticks to them, or they to the dirt, it doesn’t matter. What matters is Ian moving again, leaning in as close as he can get to the man that acts more like an enemy than their neighbor, and biting out his next words like bullets.

“I asked,” Ian says, voice low and tight, “what you said to my husband, you fucking worthless prick.”

His husband. Mickey. Chosen once and again and again, despite his past, despite his family, despite the filth that he brought with him. They washed that filth off together.

It’s that knowledge that has Mickey moving again. Putting a hand soft on Ian’s shoulder, squeezing once, letting go.

“Hey,” he murmurs, almost too quiet for any ears but Ian’s. “It’s okay, really.”

Ian looks at him this time, some part of him relaxing from that simple touch even as he holds onto his anger.

“But he said—”

“Yeah, I know,” Mickey agrees. “He said some really stupid shit, and you want to pound his face in.” Ian blinks.

“Shit, worse?” Mickey asks. “Break his jaw?” No response. “Rip his tongue out?” Ian tilts his head, considering. “Shoot him in the fucking head?”

Their neighbor balks, perhaps finally realizing what he’s gotten himself into. He steps back, once, twice, then takes off toward his own family’s garden plot like he’s afraid they’ll pull a gun out of their skinny jeans and tank tops.

It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that he gathers his family up with hurried motions and scared glances, carts them away like Mickey’s presence is a danger. It doesn’t matter because Ian is looking at him, and starting to smile, and pulling him closer until his own white shirt is covered in the same dirt that’s spread over Mickey’s.

“You used to like it when I got protective,” Ian says. “Not that long ago, you would have been handing me a knife, and now you’re letting some asshole get off scot-free while you talk me down.”

“Never liked that shit,” Mickey argues, “can take care of myself, you just got anger issues.”

Ian raises an eyebrow, and Mickey relents.

“Alright, maybe I liked it a little,” he admits, folding himself into Ian’s arms, ignoring that they’ll probably both have to throw their clothes away if they ever want to be clean again. “But his kids were watching, and you’re not that guy.”

Ian frowns, looks over to the now-empty plot where the little family had once been.

“You’re not that guy either,” he says, “and he shouldn’t have said you were.” His eyes are soft when they land on Mickey again, soft and full of something that Mickey had only recently learned the name for.

“You’re so much better than that, Mick,” Ian says earnestly, cupping Mickey’s face with a dirty palm, and Mickey pushes into it. Turns his head to plant a kiss there, right over a smear of dirt that had come from his own skin.

“I know,” he says simply. “I love you too.”

Then he smiles.

“Now let’s go take that fucking bath.”

[eddieheart]

Traveller

Ruslana ‘Rose’ Milkovich (Mickey and Mandy’s cousin/ older sister)

“Bitch, I’m Ukrainian I don’t speak fucking Russian.”

Fandom: Shameless

Pairings: Mickey x Ian

Words: 1472

Description: Mickey’s Ukrainian relative comes to visit

Ukrainian in Italics

ROSIE

She walked up to old house, bag on her shoulder, pen and paper in her hand. She checks the address again before hopping the fence and walking to the door.

She pounds on it incessantly and waits for it to open. Yelling can be heard from inside, telling her to 'wait a damn minute.' A young brunet woman throws the door open and glares at her.

"We ain't buyin' shit." Fiona goes to slam the door but the girl shoved her foot in between.

"Mikhailo! Are you here?!" She yelled into the house. The other girl stares at her oddly.

"Rosie?!" A voice called out to her.

Rose pushed passed the other woman and walked into the house. Rose walked over to Mickey, who was standing there seemingly dumbfounded, with a smile on his face.

Mickey walked towards her and hugged her, lifting her into the air and spinning her as he did.

When he put her down her demeanour suddenly changed. She slapped him upside the head and he let out a loud 'ow'.

"The fuck was that for?" Mickey asked in a groan, rubbing the back of his head.

"You had a baby and didn't tell me, you got married twice and didn't tell me! Come on Mikhailo. You think I wouldn't be mad that you lied to me?" She asked.

He sighed and looked at his feet sadly.

" I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid that you would be disappointed in me. because... because I married a man. And because Terry made me marry Svetlana." Mickey's eyes watered and his voice broke.

She looked into his eyes softly and pet the side of his face lovingly.

"Mikhailo, I practically raised you before Terry sent me away. I love you no matter what. I don't care who you love as long as you are treated well." He swiped a hand under his eye and smiled down at her.

"And... you don't have to worry about Terry anymore." He looked at her confused.

"What do you mean I don't have to worry?" Mickey asked.

"You remember what I used to say Mikhailo, if I found out that he hurt you or your sister. I have friends that helped me." His eyes widened.

"You didn't kill him, did you?" Mickey said, scared.

"No no of course not, I just put a dead horse in his bed. All of it, mafia style."

"What the fuck Rosie?! First of all you're thinking the godfather, second they only put in the head. How the hell did you get a whole damn horse in the house?!" She chuckled.

"I said I put all of it in his bed, I didn't say it was whole." He looked at her in a mixture of fear and amazement.

"I love you Rosie."

She smiled at him, someone coughed behind them. Fiona looked at Rosie oddly. She noticed a tall red headed man walk down the stairs and stand across the from her and Mickey.

Rose just now realized that three tiny heads were peaked over the edge of the couch. A little boy, a little girl and an older dark skinned boy.

"Hey Mick, who's this?" Ian asked almost timidly. Mickey's eyes widened as he looked between them.

"Shit. Ian this is Rosie." He held is hands towards her in a 'look at this' motion. Rosie chuckled softly at him.

"Yes, Mikhailo. Introduce us, please." Mickey laughed and blushed slightly. Ian stared in confusion, who was making Mickey blush?

"Yes, yes. yes, sorry The girl's name is Fiona, the boy's name is Liam, and the little girl's name is Franny. They are Ian's brothers and sisters. This is Ian, my husband, and this is Yevgeny. My son." Her eyes widened.

Rose chuckled and walked towards Ian, with her arms open. She hugged him tightly as he stood there awkwardly. Rose turned to face Mickey as she spoke.

"Mikhailo! He is so attractive! Really! Does he treat you well, he cleans? Gives you good orgasms? And not shitty half assed ones, good ones?" He laughed and bent over, embarrassed.

"Rosie! You can just ask stuff like that! There are kids here!"

"And I bet you haven't been teaching them the mother tongue! Your Ukrainian is rusty at best. Mikhailo." She teased him lightly.

"Ha ha, very funny. And yes." She sniggers at him.

"It's very nice to meet you Ian." She said with a slight accent. He looked shocked at the sudden language change, but nodded and smiled at her.

Rose turned away from Ian and towards Fiona.

"It's lovely to meet you Fiona." She walked towards the couch happily.

"Hello, My name is Rose. You are Liam and Franny, yes?" They both nodded.

"Yeah I'm Liam, it's nice to meet you Rose." He said kindly. Liam seemed more timid then the other two.

"I'm Franny. How do you know uncle Mickey? Why do you talk funny? It's that your secret language?" She asked excitedly.

"I knew your Uncle Mickey when he was very little. I'm from Ukraine so I have an accent and it's not a secret language. But when we were younger we pretended it was." Rose smiled at all of the girls questions.

Rose then turned to Yevgeny. He was wearing a small blue outfit and was playing with some oversized building blocks.

"Hello Yevgeny. I'm your auntie Rosie. Yes, I'm your auntie. I'm going to spoil you so much!" She smiled and tickled him.

Be babbled away and slammed his blocks together forcefully. The Tv behind them played something long forgotten.

"You can pick him up if y'a want Rosie, I know you won't drop him." Mickey said jokingly. She scoffed and chuckled in return.

Rose slowing slipped her arms up his sides and grabbed him under his armpits. She shifted her weight to put one hand under him and the other on his back.

Rose glanced up to Mickey with a smile on her face as she bounced the cheerful boy in her arms.  Fiona looked around the room awkwardly.

"Liam, Fran, lunch time." Fiona herded the kids into the kitchen, Mickey and Ian stayed in the living room.

"We let Fi feed the kids first they get crazy." Mickey said.

"So Ian come sit, let's talk about your intentions with my Mikhailo." Ian blushed and walked over to the couch with Rose, Mickey following close behind.

Rose sat across from the couch on an old love seat while Mickey and Ian sat next to each other.

"So I take it Mikhailo hasn't talked about me?" She asked. Ian chuckled awkwardly.

"It never came up." She scowled at Mickey.

"Mikhailo!" Ian sniggered at the pair, their dynamic was quite amusing to him.

"So you said you were Ukrainian?" Ian asked, leaning forward.

"Yes I am, my parents sent me over when I was around five. Terry had the kids a few years later, I stayed until he sent me away." Ian nodded in understanding.

"Oh! Mikhailo I don't know how you made such a quiet baby. I remember when you were this age, you always wanted to be doing something and you never wanted to wear clothes." Mickey blushed.

"Rosie!" She laughed at him.

"It's true Mikhailo. Ian I swear this one day I was trying to get Mikhailo to go on a walk and he absolutely refused to put clothes on. Eventually I just gave up, he was running around in the backyard covered head to toe with mud, happy as a pig in shit that boy." Ian laughed as Mickey covered his face with his hands.

"Or, when Mandy came home the first time, Mikhailo looked over at her with this weird look. He grumbled and looked to me confused and said 'Rosie, where's his penis?' He was so concerned for her. He was convinced we left it at the hospital and we had to go back to get it." Rose laughed wholeheartedly along with Ian. Mickey was practically a cherry tomato at this point, dying of embarrassment.

Yevgeny stirred in her lap, getting fussier. Rose bounced him lightly on her lap leaning him back onto her chest.

“So Rose where are you staying? Is it close by?” Ian asked.

“I’ve booked a room at a motel near the Alibi.” She smiled down as Yevgeny as she spoke.

Mickey seemed startled and annoyed slightly. He immediately responded.

“You’re not staying at a motel, you’re gonna stay with us. Lip’s at college you can have his old room.” Her eyes widened and she looked between the two boys.

“Are you are alright with this, are you sure? I don’t want to disturb the peace here.” She looked to Ian.

“No of course not, Mickey’s right. You can stay here.” They both smiled at her.

“Alright then, I’ll go get my things later.”

All grammatical mistakes are mine. Special thanks to my wonderful beta-reader, @buggylad

[ardent-fox]

WIP Wednesday ✍️✨️

I was tagged by the wonderful @energievie and @celestialmickey for this week's WIP Wednesday. Thank you, my dears 🥰

Okay, confession time (feel free to skip this personal crap if you wanna): I started getting back into writing about 3 months ago and am still having a hard time writing anything longer than a 750-word ficlet due to some cognitive issues I'm working on improving. This is also the first time I've mustered some courage to share something here other than a 100-word drabble, cue nervous laughter. It is from a little fic I hope to finish one day that deals with the aftermath of Terry's death and Mickey's immediate processing of it all. Even though I've had a roughly outlined idea for it since mid March, this is the only part of it I kind of like so far, a moment of Ian's thoughts racing during a pause before he answers Mickey's question. The writing tense and sentence structure is kind of all over the place and I have no idea how much of this will be changed/tossed as I (hopefully) improve both creatively and physically, but here goes nothing 🙃

****

"Why does the fucker always get off scot-free from all this bullshit and I don’t?"

Ian's gaze softens in the dark, feeling the weight of Mickey's words sink into his chest.

He thinks back to when they were kids and the abuse they both suffered at the hands of his husband's father. He remembers the damage those heavy hands caused both of them, Mickey's arms darting to protect them the first time those blows fell upon them. He remembers the fear and helplessness in the eyes of his high school love when he faced his father, a look he still sometimes caught glimpses of now that they were both grown men. He thinks back to the time when that look of internal struggle was constant in Mickey's eyes and force was the main language he spoke, his arms pushing Ian away as a result, his hands hurting him, leaving him in pain and alone for what seemed like a lifetime.

He thinks about how those same arms eventually found themselves embracing his body in spite of the fear that still lingered behind those blue eyes, how they carried him home after he passed out in the snow that winter's night and lovingly held him while in the throws of mania, at a time when Ian couldn't even love himself. How those very same hands now caressed his face when they kissed, poured him a cup of coffee in the morning, searched for Ian's fingers so they could intertwine them together while they made love, handed him a glass of water after asking him that same boring question, "Take your meds?" He thinks about how far that frightened boy has come, how far they've both come, sharing a bed after declaring their love in front of everyone they care about just months ago, a love that still stunned Ian into silence at times and made him wonder if and why he even deserved it.

****

I'm gonna go hide now, but before that I'm tagging @imikhailotakeyouian, @suzy-queued, @arrowflier, @metalheadmickey, @squidyyy23, @gallawitchxx, @vintagelacerosette, @tsuga-of-mars, @bravemikhailo, @teatimeallovertown and anyone who sees this and would like to share! 💙

[restapesta]

"Remember when you tried to kill Frank?"

Mickey's head snaps up to look at Ian. His husband's sitting on the other side of the couch, legs propped up on the coffee table before it. He's holding his phone in his hand, thumbs paused in the air as if he was typing a text of some sort, and Mickey wonders what prompted him to even remember something from all those years ago.

Mickey doesn't press pause on the movie they were supposed to be watching. Instead, he just shrugs non-committaly, slightly hesitant of Ian's reaction to his reply. Frank's death was recent, and who knows if Ian's going down memory-lane, trying to find some parts of his life with Frank where he can reminisce.

"He caught us at the store," Ian continues, despite the fact that moments of silence had passed, and Mickey thought the subject would be dropped. "You were so scared he'd tell somebody, so you tried to kill him."

Mickey remembers it—perhaps not as vividly as Ian, but he does. The fear that had struck him after Frank announced his presence in the Kash and Grab while he and Ian were fucking. Mickey was terrified back then, and the desperate need to stop Terry from finding out overpowered any other sensible emotion he might've felt back then towards Ian.

Ian shuffles around on the couch, and Mickey observes the way he plays with his cuticles, picking at them. He soon moves on to fiddle with his ring, lower lip stuck between his teeth.

Mickey finally stops the movie, all attention diverted to the person next to him. "What's up?" He asks, aware that the gears in Ian's head are turning and taking him down a path he might not end up liking.

Ian shakes his head, still obviously deep in thought. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"About what?"

Their eyes meet, and for the first time in a long time, Mickey sees Ian's eyes are glossy, as if he's trying to hold in tears. He's breathing raggedly through his nose, and his fists are clenching, and it's all probably in the hardest of efforts not to cry.

Mickey scoots over so he's sitting closer. "Is this about Frank? Him dying?"

"Maybe. I don't know. I just remembered it." He gives Mickey a wobbly smile. "It was probably the only time I actually felt accepted by him."

Mickey doesn't understand. Had no idea what even happened with Frank and Ian during that time where he was gathering his brothers for man-slaughter. Ian had warned Frank, and Mickey's mind drifts back to that one conversation—that one sentence that would be disputed by all the years to come.

"He literally did not give a shit we were gay." Ian finally says, and his eyes seem to be clearing, no longer on the verge of breaking down. Mickey absentmindedly goes to grab his hand, stopping him from tearing at an already-bleeding scab. "He told me to fuck whoever I want to fuck. And after that, Monica..." He swallows. "Monica took me to a gay club. Told me to never be ashamed of who I was."

Mickey notices the parallel. That difference between him and Ian that was probably one of the reasons their relationship failed in those first couple of years—those detrimental, pre-bipolar years, where the sole reason for them not being together was Mickey. Ian's family never gave a shit. Mickey's did.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Ian."

He doesn't know why he feels compelled to say it, but he does, perhaps trying to finally apologize for everything that happened all those years ago. For what happened that one morning. For the wedding.

"Sorry for what?" Ian's confused, and Mickey pulls himself even closer to him, placing his head in the crook of his shoulder, letting Ian's arm envelope him. It's one way to hide his face, he guesses.

"For how I was back then. I just kept pushing you away. I was a real fucking asshole."

Ian snorts and kisses the top of Mickey's head. "It worked out, didn't it?"

"It was fucking painful."

"Yeah," Ian admits against his hair. "It was."

Mickey licks his lip, raises his head to look his husband in the eye. "You know I was in love with you, even back then?"

Ian smiles. Cards a hand through Mickey's hair. Runs a gentle palm over Mickey's cheek. Presses a small kiss to his lips. "I know."

They sit in silence for a while, the only sound in their apartment being the rumbling engines of cars coming from somewhere down below in the street.

Mickey breathes in, breathes out. "I regretted it as soon as I said it."

"Regretted what?"

"You were so much more than a warm mouth to me." He lets out a shaky chuckle. "I was a second away from shooting him. I really was. But then I remembered your face. How much I hurt you, and I couldn't fucking do it. All the time I spent in juvie, I spent regretting it."

"Not killing Frank?" Ian says dumbly, and Mickey scoffs, slapping the back of his hand against his chest.

"Hurting you, you dumbass."

They both smile at that, and the tension gets lifted suddenly, the pain replaced with the feeling of comfort that usually follows them being together. Ian holds Mickey tighter against him.

"I wouldn't change it for the world." He whispers, and Mickey feels a warmth spread through his chest.

Mickey agrees. No matter the pain, and suffering. No matter the homophobic piece-of-shit fathers, and bipolar diagnosis—it brought them here. Here, together.

Mickey lets himself grin. Grin at all the shit in their past. Ian grins back, and what more could Mickey want or need?

"I wouldn't either." He says, and means it.

Ian pulls him I'm closer, and they hit play on the movie and continue on with their night, snuggling together, playfully pushing each other for space as they did so.

The past would always fucking be there, but now, it was a reminder more than anything.

[kandyzee]

So gonna be ranting about this mf on twitter

Major Ian gallagher defence coming.

OKAH FIRST Ian 100% deserves mickey the same way mickey deserves Ian. When mickey is first introduced he is a homophobic closet case with no support system by the end of the show he is happily married to his fucking high-school sweetheart with his own apartment in a nice area and he has his own business. HE HAS ALL OF THAT BECAUSE OF IAN. Ian became mickeys support system and was always pushing him to become a better person. He shows mickey that he's not 'fucked for life' and he trys his hardest to protect him. Even if the way Ian did it , he got mickey to come out. Mickey needed that push. U think he would have come out if he didn't have someone he loves telling him to?

Now the cheating. The only time Ian cheats on mickey is during his manic episode in s4/5 AND HE GOT HELP AFTER. It's crazy to me that people don't think Ian regrets that and seriously use it as a reason to hate Ian. U better hate fiona and Debbie and Lip too. Yk what better hate mickey too cause he did have a wife and boyfriend (this is a joke don't kill me)

Ian not signing the marriage papers is upsetting but it's not hard to understand why he did it. Ian grew up around frank and Monica , his main representation of marriage is an absolute shit show. He's scared of turning his relationship with the man he loves into that. This is an expected fear from Ian given his worries about being like his mum. He doesn't want to complicate things. And he talks to mickey about this. Ian not signing isn't him being horrible it's his way of trying to protect mickey from himself because he loves mick.

And Ian is always trying to protect mickey, he backs him up in fights, when mickey breaks out of prison he doesn't go to the cops, he breaks up with mickey when he thinks their relationship is hurting him, he tells lip "hit my husband again and I'll fucking kill you". CLEARLY PROTECTIVE.

I don't have ss but mf was also like "Ian laughs at mickey being raped" so talking about that now.

The first time Ian "laughs at him" is in s3 when he tries to talk to mickey right after it happens. I don't think it takes a genius to know that Ian was trying to lighten the mood, not laugh AT mickey. He was also traumatised when Terry catching them happened. He laughs nervously because he has no clue how to navigate a situation like that at such a young age. He's a child making a badly timed, uncomfortable joke because he watched something terrible happen.

The second time Ian does this is with Caleb. During his relationship with caleb, Ian tries to convince himself that mickey was bad for him a few times. Making yourself hate someone is a lot easier than accepting the fact that they are gone. He shouldn't be telling someone he basically just met about that, but in his defence, he's talking about something he probably feels happened to him as well. Ian is affected by all that happened with mickey, and it makes sense that he tells people. In the same way, it would make sense for svetlana to tell people about the day it does for Ian too. All 3 are victims of Terry. Ian also has people telling him how bad mickey is all the time (mainly fiona tbh what if her problem with the milkovichs ) so he's trying to believe that, a easy way to do that is get validation from someone who hasn't been been around mickey. Caleb has never met mick, he has no reason to try defend him. I also don't really think what Ian was saying was making fun of mickey, it's not nice but yk?

This is getting long omg

On him being ugly

UGLY?!?!?

Cameron monaghan is GORGEOUS. He is the definition of cutie pie AND fine as fuck.

When mickey punches Ian because he didn't sign the marriage papers, HE DID NOT HAVE IT COMING. No one deserves to be hit by their partner. I mean, Jesus crist mickey literally broke his leg. His is probably the worst aspect of their relationship by that I mean the violence. A lot of it is playful, but it's not always healthy. Mickey was understandably upset but he shouldn't have hit Ian.

Okayyy now the hall of shame stuff. To me, that shit doesn't count cause Ian and mickey both act kinda out of character. I really don't like Ian saying that, and he shouldn't, but it's hardly a reason for Ian not to deserve mick. 87% is still the majority of his heart, and Ian wasn't saying he doesn't love mickey. Also acting like mickey hasn't said worst things.

"Ur nothing but a warm mouth to me"

"better than going off and having another bipolar episode"

LAST THING. Yes, mickey sacrifices a lot for Ian, like when he goes to prison for him, but not everyone shows love through large reckless actions. You shouldn't expect Ian to give things up to prove he loves mickey. Sacrifice isn't the only way to show affection. U can do it through words or gifts or quality time. Ian shows his love a lot through words, like when he tells mickey, "we have nothing to be ashamed of" early as s2. He makes him feel better when mickey is scared he would be a bad dad.

Ian gallagher haters are DUMB . Some people shouldn't be allowed to watch shameless cause how can u be so small-minded. People who say 1 of them doesn't deserve the other are just aggravating. Gallavich has a lot of ups and downs, and its part of what makes them so appealing. Despite all the bad things they go through, they always love and fight for each other.

Rant over

[redwiccanrobin]

He probably wasn’t allowed to cry throughout his life. From every scraped knee to lashing he would receive would probably be dealt in silence. Maybe just sitting on the floor of his room, biting down on his palm as his eyes sting. Of course he couldn’t cry in front of Terry. Probably couldn’t cry in front of Mandy, Iggy, or Colin. Milkovichs don’t cry.

Then he met a boy. A boy with bright green eyes, red hair, freckles dotting his beautiful face. A boy who made him feel things he never thought he would. He finally had someone who made him honest to god smile. Honest to god laugh. For a while, he forgot who’s son he was. Forgot that he was meant to play this role, this character that he wasn’t just to satisfy his father. He was allowed to just be Mickey when he was with Ian.

Sometimes I think of young Mickey. How scared he must have been throughout his childhood. Always on guard, always waiting for something bad to happen. Of course, this is an element of trauma that many of us have faced. But that doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking to know that this boy with the sweet smile dealt with that as well.

Like Mickey, a lot of us weren’t allowed simple things like crying. We had to suppress those elements in order to survive. We couldn’t show the kindness in us, we had to be a little mean. Because who’s to say that the person we want to be kind to won’t hurt us as well?

Terry was trying to snuff out parts of Mickey. He was trying to snuff out the goodness of his son. He probably wanted another version of himself. For a long time it seemed like he had succeeded. He was most likely gleeful at that. It wasn’t Mickey he would look at, it was him.

But we see throughout the show how different Mickey is from Terry. We see this individual who, yes, is rough and harsh at many points. But on the other side is kind, silly, loving, protective. A man who cares so very deeply for those around him. A man who cries over the death of his own abuser just because that’s who he is.

Many of us who have been abused have this deep seated fear that we’re going to end up exactly like them. Mickey feels the same way as he voiced it at many points throughout the show. He fears he’ll be a bad father specifically due to the harm that Terry inflicted on him. Because that’s what abuse does to you sometimes. It makes you doubt yourself. Makes you doubt that you could be a good and noble person. Makes you believe that there’s a monster growing inside of you and no matter how fast you run, it’ll catch you.

Yet, that’s not always the case, is it? In season 11, we see Mickey forced to take care of the man who put him through hell. He’s hesitant, uncomfortable, tired. But he still does it, still takes care of the man because no one else will. Because he wants to be better than that, he voices to his husband. I think in Terry’s final days the man is struck with his failure. Not only in the fact that he was a bad father and nothing can change that now. But he failed in the fact that he wasn’t able to snuff out the good and kind nature of his son. Wasn’t able to make a carbon copy of himself through Mickey.

There’s a relief and hope through stories such as Mickey’s. Relief and hope for those of us who were in his same position. Scared that we’ll be the same as those who hurt us. We feel comfort with Mickey and characters like him. Because they show that you can be better and stronger than the one that made you shake in terror.

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

my thoughts on sandy milkovich:

(buckle up because i have a lot to say, as always)

so, for starters, one thing that i’m not incredibly fond of is how her character isn’t really original. like, it is, but it isn’t. her name is sandy, for christ’s sake- which is literally one letter away from mandy, also not to mention the fact that she was practically raised as mickey’s sister. and in many way’s she’s like a female version of mickey, i’ll explain why:

obviously one way she’s like mickey is that she dated a gallagher, but i think that the way she acts in the relationship is very much like how mickey acts in gallavich. well…acted. more seasons 1-5 gallavich.

she’s a bit less… idk, fearful than mickey was? i mean, it’s understandable why mickey was so fearful- have you seen terry? did you watch 3x666? or 4x11? i would’ve been fearful if i were him, too. we don’t know much about how sandy was raised, but she probably wasn’t raised well. again, she seemingly was raised as mickey’s sister rather than his cousin (he does have a brother who is also his cousin, to be fair, but that’s not what i mean) but sandy’s parents may not have been as threatening or terrifying as terry was. terry does seem to be the most well-known milkovich. everybody knows terry. maybe sandy’s parents were homophobic in a way where they looked down on queer people, but didn’t literally murder them. you can see how much more open she is with the whole “he’s gay, terry. i’m gay. people are gay.”

but sandy can be mean. and so can mickey. i love them both to death but sandy’s fight with debbie in season 11 really reminded me of gallavich in seasons 2/3. specifically “you’re nothing but a warm mouth to me” and “you love me; and you’re gay” she wins the fight by using something to hurt debbie, and it works.

and what was the fight all about? sandy leaving her husband, who she was with as a teenager but felt no love for him whatsoever, and also leaving her kid. sound familiar? ian never held yevgeny and svetlana against mickey, but it’s similar.

and when they break up on the front porch all i, and many other gallavich fans, could think of was “5x12!!!!”

also she was a drug dealer and in juvie and it was implied that she was in prison. this isn’t exclusive to mickey, the only milkovich i can think of (other than yevgeny) who hasn’t been incarcerated is mandy, but we don’t know for sure that she hasn’t been to juvie before. she’s certainly done things that could land her in prison for a very long time.

and i feel like with the same amount of time and development sandy can be as great as her cousin is, because mickey changed A LOT over the seasons which made him even more lovable.

but sandy’s ending was pathetic and i hate the writers for it. it was unnecessary and damaged debbie’s character when she didn’t need it because sandy left literally 4 EPISODES BEFORE THE SERIES FINALE. the only thing that sandy leaving added was the evidence that debbie would stick with franny no matter what, but fuck that, it was too late in the show for most people (not me ofc) to give a shit about that. people overlooked that a lot.

i feel like sandy helped out debbie’s character a lot, while simultaneously fucking her up even more. but i loved sandy for most of her run on the show, i just wish that they had done more- or less. idk. they made her character more complicated than she needed to be, and it’s hard to put my feelings about her into words because they didn’t give us enough to work on.

i think that her relationship with royal was bad, and i think that he was probably a creep who impregnated her, and i bet that he knew she was a lesbian after they got married and things probably got messy. the way that royal described sandy’s choices to prince was good, though. i respected that.

anyway, if they kept making shameless seasons (which they wont) i would love a sandy redemption. possibly like the returns of mickey, jimmysteve, or kelly.

im not reading this over before i post it so if it doesn’t make sense then oh well

[xgoldendays]

hi! do you know when you’ll be updating Miles Between Us? it’s my favorite fanfic ever!

to be completely honest, I wasn’t going to give any more hints on when mbu might be updated and just post the chapter randomly BUT my lovely friend and beta, heather @whaticameherefor said I should give the people (probably just like five people at this point) what they want.

so depending on my timing and heather’s timing, the next chapter of mbu will tentatively be posted this weekend. I know it’s been a long time but I always told myself I would see this thing through and especially lately, I have to hold myself to that.

that being said, heather also said I should give a little bullet point fun time to catch everyone up in case rereading is not your bag, which is totally and completely fair. below the cut you’ll find a very haphazard summary of where we are in the story 🎉 (spoilers if you haven’t read it) and as always, thank you all for being the best 🥰

I was going to summarize the road trip but it got too long. if you don’t remember it, i can sum it up in a few sentences. mickey is fresh out of prison, cranky and very suppressed. kind of hates everything. sandy is his cousin and best friend and ian is a cute hitchhiker who gives mickey the most gay panic. there’s also drug money and car hijacking and star gazing and ned being scummy toward ian.

after the road trip, mickey gets a wonderful parole officer named larry and starts working at Patsy’s, where surprise surprise Ian also works. there’s a lot of tension and awkwardness and sandy doing things behind mickey’s back.

mickey ends up meeting lip and they slowly become friends, all while mickey keeps an arms distance between him and ian. that doesn’t work tho bc mickey is shockingly jealous when ian starts hanging out with ned again. so much so that he goes to where they’re hanging and beats the shit out of ned for trying to take advantage of ian.

things are pretty good, all things considered and mickey is getting in tight with the gallaghers until nasty, gross, awful terry drags mickey back into the drug business against his will. mickey gets hurt and he closes himself off again when all he wants is a normal, happy life.

terry is an asshole and mickey wants to get out from under his thumb, which he does after he ignores orders and goes to a surprise party ian set up for his birthday. there’s roller skating, cute songs, falling, cupcakes, and a birthday smooch in an alley way.

mickey deals with the repercussions of disobeying terry but also his feelings for ian. it all culminates in terry destroying patsy’s and effectively mickeys livelihood and the gallaghers’. it’s really the straw that breaks the camels back and out of fear, mickey ends whatever is happening between him and ian.

sandy goes to jail, lip goes to rehab, ian runs away and mickey is all alone for six months~ depression and alcoholism spike. mickey has a new job at a bike shop run by brad but he mostly keeps to himself. lip insists he comes to hang out with the bike shop guys for their bonding time but mickey drinks too much and ends up hallucinating that ian is back.

one day though, who shows up at the shop but ian, who isn’t actually a dream abd is actually back. things are tense, even more so than before. mickey has to fight his feelings times a million. ian ends up tagging along for the guy trips and everything is just hard on mickey.

lip has started to rebuild patsy’s for fiona while mickey is paying his brothers off so they’ll leave him and sandy alone for the time being. during this time, ian and mickey agree to be friends and ian starts seeing someone new. mickey hates it more than words can describe and it leads him to hook up with one of the guys from the bike shop.

the drug business is getting rough so the milkovich brothers find out iggy has gone off grid and when mickey can’t tell them if he snitched, they go running to terry. terry goes to mickey’s workplace and beats him up but he’s caught in the act by lip, ian, and the other guys.

mickey’s shame and pride catch up to him and he has a full on break down — finally wanting to get out from under terry’s control and just live his life. ian comes to take care of him and the two come to an impasse of sorts, where they aren’t sure where they stand but know there’s more there worth exploring.

that was very much not eloquent in the slightest but I promise if you read it, it’s much more interesting and detailed than that mess I just wrote 😅

[goodkwuestion]

I LOVE thinking of Gallavich as girls, thinking about them gives me moments of happiness.

Mick calling Ian "Merida" or "Brave".

But gosh, can you imagine Ian on her period? In the boy version, Ian already likes to nag, pouts when something doesn't go the way it wants, and The Chin? My God, Mick doesn't know if it's funny or irritating to see the redhead giving her The Chin.

I likes to think that Ian's body would be the most athletic and toned one, but she didn't have a lot of boobs or ass, and she was always feeling insecure. As for Mick, she would totally like to switch bodies with Ian, because living with Terry having a very curved body, having a super big tits and a huge ass is a HUGE danger.

And the girls' hair? Sometimes I see the 2 with long hair you know? Or Ian always keeping her hair above the shoulders because it was too curly and she didn't know how to style it properly. As for mick....I always imagine her with huge hair on 'cause of Terry (again), because she already does try to copy her brothers, whether in the way they walk or clothes, so the hair has to be long and well taken care of for fear of the comments from Terry, about her looking like a dyke. I hate everything about fashion so I don't know what style would suit girls, I think they would stick to the basics.

My comfort is the thought of Mick cuddling Ian, who looks like a big giant puppy begging for attention.

Ps: In 2014 I wrote a fic about Girls gallavich, when I checked the comments hahaha I hadn't seen so many badly critical reviews that weren't from my family, I never wrote again, I only left basic comments, that way no one will see that I don't know how to write hahahaha

It is really evident that this is something about which you're passionate and have a very clear vision. I was just thinking that you should definitely have a go at writing it when I got to your postscript.

I'm really sorry you got discouraged by the feedback, anon. I can imagine how hurtful that was too. I'm sorry you experienced that.

No one bursts out of the womb penning laureate level stuff. Writing is a craft that has to be honed and everyone has to start somewhere. We, as fandom consumers in particular, should be patient and encouraging with those still developing and finding their voice.

I'm wondering how much of the criticism you received was because of skill and execution, or because genderbent Gallavich might be pretty niche for the fandom, because honestly, just avoid stuff that's not your cup of tea and leave people to enjoy their stuff.

I really hope you find the courage to try again, anon, because you're in love with a very distinct idea that you want to see come to life. I don't know if anyone could do your vision justice the way you would.

It would also help if you got a beta who shares your interests to help you polish up your work and boost your confidence before posting.

There's an audience for every idea under the sun, anon. I really hope you will try again and find yours.

[arrowflier]

do you write AUs?

because i wish you'd write a fic with magic 👀 either with both or only one of them having magic ❤️

Oh, dear sweet anon. You'd never guess it from what I've been posting, but AUs are my bread and butter, and fantasy my genre of choice. I just don't do as much of it because I care more about getting it right, and it's so much harder to convey in short glimpses.

So thank you for this, and here goes nothing!  Might not be the type of magic you were thinking, but it’s where my brain ended up.

Milkovich Magic

When he's just a little boy, Mickey Milkovich is the chattiest kid on the street. He stands out front of their rundown house and waves at people passing by, tells them stories, wishes for them good things. His father hates it, but his mother thinks it's lovely. She sits next to Mickey in a broken lawn chair, taking turns smiling at her son and at the strangers and neighbors passing by, waving Terry away when he comes too close to interfering.

But she never says a word herself, unless it's to Mickey.

Until one day, when Mickey sees a family walking down the street, and waves frantically at two boys around his age, one with fuzzy brown curls, one with bright red locks. The bright boy turns toward him and smiles, and Mickey feels something shift inside himself.

"Momma," he calls back toward the house. "Did you see?"

"See what, Mikhailo?" she responds, voice oddly cautious in a way that Mickey has long since become accustomed to.

"That boy," he tells her, feeling light and happy. "He's going to be my friend."

The air shifts as the words leave his mouth, seeming to swirl around him. He shivers as it strokes against his skin, leaving a line of goosebumps in its wake, and takes a shaky breath, thinking of the boy's shy smile.

"Mikhailo, no!" his mother cries, stumbling from her seat to fall on her knees at his feet, clutching his arms with claw-like fingers. He snaps out of his thoughts and stares down at her, terrified, as the feeling leaves him.

His terror grows when his father slams open the front door and yells, "What did the boy do now?"

His mother's eyes are wide and scared on his face, but her voice is calm and firm when she answers.

"Mikhailo has done nothing," she states simply, and his skin begins to tingle again. "You noticed nothing," she adds, and Mickey watches as his father shakes his head and wanders back inside without so much as a backwards glance.  Then the air is still again.

"Come, Mikhailo," his mother says next, "that's enough for today." And he follows her up the broken steps and into their home, mind whirring, trying to make sense of what happened.

“Words have power, little one,” his mother whispers to him later that night, as they sip hot chocolate in the kitchen after Terry goes to bed. The air smells of milk and burned sugar and his mother’s perfume, and her voice wraps around him like a hug, pressing her words into his skin.

“We have to be careful,” she speaks quietly. Her hand is still warm with the heat from her mug when she brushes his hair from his face, lets her palm rest on his cheek. “When the things you say become the truth, you have to choose your words wisely.”

“Like when I say you’re pretty?” Mickey asks with childish innocence, and his mother laughs, a soft tinkling sound like windchimes in the rain.

“Not quite,” she tells him with a gentle smile. “It takes intent, too.”

“Intent,” he repeats dutifully, then asks, “what’s that?”

His mother’s voice drops even further, serious and firm. “It’s the desire to make change, Mikhailo,” she says, “and it’s dangerous. You never know what path that change might take.” She sounds sad, like she does whenever his father comes home, loud and stumbling when he shoves through the door in the middle of the night. Mickey doesn’t like it.

And he doesn’t understand, either. He’s too young. Too new to the world to see how change could be a bad thing. So he agrees, like a good son does, and doesn’t argue when his mother presses a kiss to his head and sends him off to sleep in a haze of lavender and chocolate.

A few months later, when he hears his father yelling from the next room, hears the crash as his mother hits the floor for the third time that week, he dares to speak aloud the words struggling to escape his heart, despite her warnings.

“Mama is safe,” he whispers to himself in the darkness of the room he shares with his baby sister, who’s curled up against his side, face still wet with the tears that sent her into sleep. “No one can hurt her anymore.”

He knows he got it right when he can feel the wish leave him, a heavy weight lifting from his chest as his desires take form. He can feel the air, heavy with intent, as it brushes over his skin, as it moves like a summer breeze through the open window above his head, bypassing the locked bedroom door. He’s suddenly more tired than he thinks he’s ever been when it’s gone, and he falls into the most peaceful sleep he’s had in years, comforted by the knowledge that he had put change into the world.

The next morning, he wakes to his sister sobbing and pushing loose fists into his chest as she tells him that their mother is dead.

After that, he stops talking so much.

---

When Mickey is eight years old, he's the quietest boy in class. He gets a reputation as a troublemaker, refusing to answer questions or make friends, no matter the effort that others put in.

Eventually, they stop trying, and he's glad.

Until a new boy shows up, and almost ruins everything.

His name is Ian Gallagher, and the first thing Mickey notices as he walks into the room for the very first time, a worn backpack hanging from his skinny shoulder, is his hair.

It's bright red.

And Mickey remembers the day he learned what he was, the day he started down the path that killed his mother, the day that he declared to the world that the redheaded boy would be his and the world started to listen.

He wanted nothing to do with him.

So of course, Gallagher sat right behind him, and tapped on his shoulder, and asked him for a pencil. And try as he might, Mickey could not muster the intent to make him leave.

It probably wouldn't have mattered if he did, he thought. The damage had been done years ago.

But he does manage to speak. And he hears his own voice for the first time in ages outside the confines of the bedroom he still shares with Mandy. It's rough with disuse, lending an edge to his words that never used to be there.

"Ask me again, I'll stab you with it," he threatens, then stops, eyes blown wide and fearful by his own statement. But the rush of air never comes, nor that strange tingle, and all he can feel is the tickle of sweat sliding down the back of his neck.

He's so relieved he could cry.

"Are you ok?" the Gallagher boy asks, and Mickey tries to snarl, to make him back away.

"Shut up," he orders. And then he spins back around in his seat to hide his grin.

Because he can talk, after all, without causing terrible things. The trick, he knows now, is just not to mean it.

---

When Mickey is fifteen, he's loud and brash. He throws words around like they're meaningless, because to him, they are.

They have to be.

And it's working out fine, really. As long as he swallows down his feelings, keeps them locked up tight in his chest, it doesn't matter what words leave his lips.

Until, one day after school, he finally loses control.

And of course, it's because of Ian fucking Gallagher.

Because Ian keeps trying to be Mickey's friend, and Mickey knows it isn't real. He knows what he did. So when Ian joins his little league team in 4th grade, Mickey gets himself thrown out. And when Ian tries to partner with him for the 6th grade science fair, Mickey gets himself suspended instead. Every year is a new attempt, and every year, Mickey manages to shut it down.

He's ready to do it again on the first day of their sophomore year, when Ian calls his name outside the old brick school building.

"Hey, Mickey!" he tries, waving gangly arms to catch his attention. "Mickey, over here!"

Mickey studiously ignores him, like always, until he hears the smack of books hitting the ground.

"Whatcha callin' him for, eh?" comes a voice Mickey recognizes as one of his cousins. There's another rough sound, and a curse as Ian himself is pushed to the ground. Mickey's cousin laughs.

"What a pussy," he snickers. When Mickey turns around, his cousin waves him over with a wicked grin. "Ey, Mick, you know this guy?" he asks, not waiting for an answer before he nudges Ian in the side with a dirty boot. "He keeps callin' for ya, think he's got a crush or somethin'."

Ian's face is red, and his jaw is clenched, but he looks away when Mickey catches his eyes. He looks embarrassed, and maybe sad, and before Mickey knows what he's doing, he speaks from the place he always keeps under lock and key.

"You're gonna leave him alone," he rumbles, a breeze picking up behind him. "You're never gonna touch him again." A few leaves flutter at his feet as his intention builds. His cousin doesn't notice, but Ian does, and Mickey finds himself staring into emerald green eyes as he says, "You noticed nothing," just like his mother did all those years ago, and lets the words go.

His cousin blinks at him, suddenly lost, then down at Ian. "The fuck are you doing down there man?" he asks, and almost offers a hand before awkwardly pulling it back. "Eh, whatever," he mutters, and stumbles off to join the line for the bus.

"What was that?" Ian asks breathlessly, and Mickey shrugs, thumbing his nose. Inside, he's horrified by his slip, but all he says is, "nothing."

And scared or not of how it felt, that rush of cool air tingling against his skin as he spoke, he can't deny it felt good.

It feels even better when Ian smiles.

---

When Mickey is seventeen, he has a friend, and he thinks he might have to stop talking again.

Ian is around all the time, now. They sit together at school, and hang out at the Gallagher house on weekends. They go to movies, and baseball games, and tell each other everything.

Well, almost everything.

And deep down, Mickey knows what this is. He told the world that Ian would be his friend, and so he is. It's nothing more than that.

But when Ian starts talking about the guy he's seeing, starts blowing Mickey off to spend time with him instead, it still makes Mickey's heart hurt.

Somewhere along the line, between avoiding Ian and letting his life revolve around him, Mickey had started wanting more.

It's in those moments, sitting on the sofa with their thighs pressed together, the strawberry scent of Ian's shampoo lingering in the air around them as he waxes poetic about the restaurant his boyfriend took him to, when Mickey fights himself the most.

It would be so easy, he knows. So easy to open his mouth and let the words out. Ian, he could say, you love me. You want me. Leave him, Ian. Be with me instead.

He doesn't. He wouldn't. But he could, and knowing that kills him.

Instead, he starts pulling back. Cancels plans before Ian can. It hurts, but he does it, because Ian deserves to be free from the wish Mickey made when he was a child.

Ian notices, of course he does. He ignores it, mostly, until the night Mickey opens the door to find him standing there, sweaty and scowling.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks Mickey immediately. "Why are you shutting me out?"

Mickey swallows. "Don't know what you're talkin about," he lies, wishing desperately that it were true. He feels a zing of power go through him, but there's no escape for it; his words don't work on himself.

"Bullshit," Ian accuses, stepping over the threshold to bring them chest to chest. "Just tell me, Mick," he urges. "You know you can tell me anything."

"I can't," Mickey offers breathlessly. "I really can't, Ian."

It doesn't deter him; if anything, it makes him angrier. "What's gonna happen if you do, huh?" he challenges, shoving Mickey back until he hits the wall.

And Mickey can't take it anymore.

"I don't know!" he shouts, tearing at his hair. "I don't fucking know, Ian, ok? I've been trying not to say it for so long, I don't know what will happen if I do!"

It takes the wind out of Ian's sails; he visibly deflates. His eyes turn soft, instead of angry, and there's a quiver in his voice when he asks again. "Tell me what, Mickey?" he whispers.

Mickey won't say the words. Instead, he surges toward Ian and presses their mouths together in a rough, clumsy kiss.

It lasts only a moment before Ian pulls away, and Mickey tries not to die inside.  Forces himself not to fix it.  But a second later, there's a beaming grin on Ian's bruised lips, and he's saying, "is that all it was?" and leaning in again.

---

When Mickey is nineteen, he has a boyfriend, and he says what's in his heart.

They’re alone in the Gallagher house, a rare enough occurrence already, and they’re tangled together in Ian’s tiny single bed.  “Ian,” he whispers when they part for breath.  “Ian,” he moans as that mouth trails down his neck and behind his ear, pressing kisses in its wake.  “Ian,” he cries out as he clenches fingers in bright red hair, holding on for dear life as they rock together.

“Fuck, I love you Mick,” Ian murmurs against his heated skin, and Mickey stops still.

It takes a minute for Ian to catch on, another for him to pull back, eyes questioning and nervous.  “Is that okay?” he asks in a hushed voice.

Mickey licks his lips, and tries the words out himself, like a dare.  “You love me,” he whispers, eyes locked on Ian’s own.  

Nothing happens.

There’s no shift in the air around them, no new goosebumps beyond the ones Ian caused himself.  There’s no weight in Mickey’s chest trying to get out.

There’s just Ian.

Ian, with his copper hair shining in the light from the window.  Ian, surrounding him in the scent of strawberrie shampoo and sweat and cheap cologne from the corner store that he only wore when they were together.  Ian, who was watching hi, waiting, biting his red bottom lip and trying not to move.

Mickey laughs, and pulls him closer, kissing him again, feeling Ian smile with relief against his lips.  “You fucking love me,” he repeats, just because he can.  The words can’t change something that’s already true.  “I fucking love you too,” Mickey says.  

And he does.