#our chart of who reads who is so official

[lucxien]

@jime777 and i finally started our live reading of por. happy pride month to ike

[beyonsatan]

Astrological Fame indicators per Hellenistic astrology ⭐️🎬

Now before we even get into this let’s make some things very clear; fame can mean a range of things, it can mean going viral, it can mean being a best selling author, it can mean being on tv, on the news or even being a model and singer, the representative of a public and very successful company, and some people get famous for all the wrong reasons like hitler or Donald trump, theres nuance to these things so let’s get into it ‼️

1. Chart ruler in the 5th house. This is the first thing that came to my mind instantly which I think is a pretty desirable kind of fame that every normal person kinda soughts after. this configuration is like getting famous for being pretty or having a nice style, being talented, being an inventor, a discover of something or even being a content creator especially since this house literally has significations with creation. The 5th house in Hellenistic is the closest thing to fame and riches because rich people live a very good quality of life. This house will increase the quality of a persons life and any planet here especially the chart ruler or the ruler of the LOF may indicate that. The chart ruler here is generally gonna indicate that a person will be very celebrated by people at some point in their life. I feel like i have to keep repeating to people that this house literally has a relationship with VENUS and Venus kinda just gets whatever she wants

2. A luminary or sect of light within an angular house. The luminaries are the sun and the moon, they both illuminate light and are generally the first things that draw our attention in the sky. The sun sends light to our planet and the moon reflects that light to use when the sun sets and when there’s light upon you, you become easier to see within the landscape that you are in. Generally speaking tho, the luminaries on the angles (houses 1st, 4th, 7th, 10th) are gonna describe someone that is popular and who’s name gets around easily. This is one of those things that can mean a range of things like I mentioned above; being in the news, being a city’s official, a representative for a state, your business being featured in a magazine or more exciting things

3. North node in the 5th house. Now I’ve talked about the north node maybe once or twice and each time I did I explained how the north kinda massively increases things wherever it’s at in your chart for better or for worse depending on the house it’s in and this isn’t necessarily something that you have control over either. The north node here can generally describe all the things I mentioned about the 5th house above being massively increased for you when that karma gets activated at some point in your life.

4. North node conjunct the sun. Now I don’t need to do much elaborating about this if you read anything in #2 or #3. The north node increases things massively and some Hellenistic significations of the sun are as followed; being king, being in charge, being recognized for achievement, being the boss, having all the attention on you etc

5. Your 10th house being the 11th place from the lot of fortune. Calculate your LOT of fortune and what house its in, use your lot of fortune as the ascendant and count 11 houses from there, if the house you land on after counting 11 is your 10th house when you count using your original ascendant, that implies some level of fame. The 11th house from the lot of fortune is where a person will find honor and achievement

6. Lof of fortune in the 10th house. The lot of fortune for lack of better words can describe the cards a person is dealt in life and those cards can be good or bad ones. Generally speaking is gonna describe fated encounters in your career

7. ruler of the LOF in the 10th house or planet that rules the LOF conjunct the 10th house ruler (see #6)

8. LOF in the 5th house or 11th house or conjunct either of the benefics. (See#6)

Just a disclaimer that not everyone will get famous for their desired reasons or even famous at all, not everyone’s dreams or goals get realized or see fruition, and not everyone gets successful or popular. If you become popular though it won’t be because you are begging for it, so don’t beg for it if you have either of these placements. You should be recognized for your own abilities without having to strive for popularity, so instead focus on honing your abilities and stop caring about the outcome, chasing people’s attention isn’t sustainable. Don’t overthink it, just do ‼️

[drchucktingle]

dear buckaroos. chuck woke to find that CAMP DAMASCUS has remained steadfast on USA TODAY BESTSELLER LIST for a second week. first week includes preorders which means most books drop off suddenly yet camp damascus remains and this is ONLY because of one thing: YOUR word of mouth.

so thankful buds are resonating with this story and  recommending it to buds who need it. i have given my art and you have given me this love and kindness in return. you have seen my outsider way and STEPPED UP to say 'i sign off on this too' and for that i am awash in gratitude.

for years ive talked on buds sayin 'i love chuck tingle but i would never read his books’. well meaning buckaroos say this because what i do has a specific ‘queer outsider way’ and there is a subconscious block to proclaim: ‘YES I PERSONALLY AND PROUDLY SUPPORT THIS UNIRONICALLY’

but no longer. i am so moved and impressed with way that TOGETHER we have shifted this timeline towards love and acceptance of UNIQUE TROTS. of the way i have been embraced. so this one is for the 'strange buckaroos' because ultimately we are ALL strange buckaroos in our own way

so support of camp damascus is officially no fluke and we have remained on the dang bestseller charts for a second week. the strange and unique and joyful trots are here to stay. the queer and neurodivergent trots are here to stay. THE BUCKAROOS ARE HERE TO STAY. LOVE IS REAL

[whitexwolfxx310]

|| Why Are You Never Real ||

Pairing: Bucky x female reader (Eleanor//Elena)) || Bucky x Loki Summary: In 1943, 24 year old Eleanor gets set up on a blind date with Bucky Barnes. The match is so perfect, it was written in the stars. Yes, they're soulmates. Unfortunately, HYDRA gets in the way- taking the perfect life away from the two. But what if fate was so certain, it gave them another chance to be together?

Warnings: Fluff and angst off the charts (I'm so sorry!). Some cursing- but very little.

Word Count: 5.8k A/Ns: So a few things inspired this fic; First, someone requested something similar to this about a year ago. The idea stuck with me (although it was originally about the love interest being on ice also). I can't find the message of the person who requested, so if you come across this & it was you, please let me know so I can give you credit! Second, I saw a TikTok of Bucky & Loki and I've been obsessed with bringing the two together. Last but not least, I'm one of those that is constantly blasting Sleep Token- so in combination with all of these things, the song: The Apparition was also inspiring. Let me know what you think!

1943

It was Labor Day weekend, and anybody who's anybody knows that's when the carnival came to town. Not only was it the official end to the hot New York summers, but it was an escape from everything having to do with the ongoing War. It was a reprieve for the children, to go out and experience some lighthearted fun. But mostly, the carnival lured the young adult crowd like a gullible captain to a siren in the sea.

Eleanor was twenty-four, still living comfortably at home with her parents and four younger siblings. While she helped take care of her siblings, the passive comments about how she was unmarried and reaching her prime age to start a family never failed to be brought up in daily conversations in their household. It wasn't for a lack of suitors. Plenty of men had asked her on dates, a few even so bold enough to offer marriage without so much as going for a stroll in the park. But for Eleanor, it wasn't just about picking a random man to build a life with. She dreamed of a true romance, just like the ones she would get so lost in while reading her books- and eventually starting a family out of love and not necessity or by society's regards.

While she had already made plans to meet up with her girlfriends on Saturday night at the carnival, her mother had a different idea- A blind date.

Eleanor had intriguingly spent the afternoon with her hair in curlers and ironing her favorite yellow summer dress, the one with white polka dots and matching heels. It would perfectly accent the slight tan she obtained from the few times she snuck to the beach on the outskirts of the city to dig her toes in the sand and lay in the scorching sun. As her typical primping time took a little longer than usual in anticipation for the blind date, Eleanor’s mind kept getting swept up in who the possible mystery man could be. Was it someone she knew? A family friend? What did he look like? Was he short or tall? Does he have a sense of humor? Sure, she of course curious if he was handsome. But that was never her main focus. Eleanor wanted someone who could make her laugh- someone that was playful and knew how to have fun. But a pretty face was definitely a bonus. Opening the front door and stepping out into the Summer’s relentless humidity, she was met with none other than Bucky Barnes- Brooklyn's most notorious flirt and former high school crush. He leaned casually against the railing of the front steps, dressed in an olive-green Class A's uniform wearing a smug smile.

"Ready for our date, Doll?" After initially closing the door in his face in a panic, Eleanor's mother pleaded with her to try and give him a chance. Rumor amongst the women on the block was that he was looking for a wife. She rambled off the typical list of how handsome he was, how he came from a good family, and the cherry on top of the guilt pie: he had just enlisted in the Army and was leaving in just a few short weeks for basic training. Who knows when he will come back home, if at all? Could one date really be so bad?

Eleanor felt nervous walking the few blocks with Bucky, exchanging formal pleasantries about how beautiful the night was and so on. But she was shy- at least, by her standards. She had always worn a big smile and never felt self-conscious about how loud she laughed, regardless of how many times people stated that it was ‘unladylike’. Because of her unapologetic mentality in refusing to conform to make herself small, it labeled her as difficult. Eleanor didn’t have many friends, but she always said: “I’d rather have four quarters than a hundred pennies,” and felt fulfilled. The people in her life that truly knew her, knew of her dreams and ambitions- and that she truly had a heart of gold. Not many others noticed, but Bucky did. He had always noticed how Eleanor could light up a room. She was the sun incarnate. So, when her mother ‘accidentally’ bumped into him on the street that morning and suggested he take her out tonight, he couldn’t refuse the idea. “So aside from enlisting,” Eleanor gestured towards his uniform with her free hand, since her other was interlocked around Bucky’s arm, “what else have you been up to since we graduated, Barnes?” She unconsciously gripped his forearm just a bit tighter, using physical touch to ground her from the unfamiliar nervousness she felt. “Sergeant Barnes,” he corrected with a grin. The pair moved from their sedentary spot in the carnival ticket line, only a few away from the booth. “Okay, Sergeant,” Eleanor reiterates, laughing to herself. “So?” she asks again, tilting her head to the side curiously and looking up at him through her lashes. “Boxed my way through art school. Then with all the boys gettin’ drafted, I just figured I’d sign up before Uncle Sam had the chance to come knockin’ on my door,” he recalled casually, but didn’t seem interested in talking about himself. Bucky’s arm disentangled with Eleanor’s, pressing his palm to the small of her lower back to coax her forward gently as the ticket line moved again. Her breath hitched slightly when he didn’t remove it right away, she eyed him up and down modestly.

His head tilted to the side, “What about you, Ellie?” his sapphire blue eyes holding her gaze, “What keeps you busy these days?”

Ellie. The nickname he uses makes her stomach drop, and they haven’t even gone on any rides yet. It’s a name he’s used off and on through school and over the years in passing. Her cheeks brighten with a new shade of light pink, breaking their fixed look at one another. Bucky takes notice and smiles fondly to himself.

“Um,” Eleanor forces herself to look back up at him, feeling at a loss for words as she tries not to focus so much on his beautiful smile- On how his slightly parted lips show the smallest hint of his white teeth. She didn’t think she’d be on a date tonight, let alone with someone that she’d been smitten with since grade school.

“I um,” her words were failing her for the first time ever, “I teach at the elementary school.” She hesitates a moment, before taking a breath and says, “to be honest, I’ve been waiting to get pulled into one of the factories.” Her voice now has a hint of sadness. Ellie quickly tries to deflect the subject, “Plus my brothers and sisters keep me pretty busy.” “Ah,” Bucky’s smile grows wider as his head tilts back at the recollection, also taking the hint, “and how are the little scoundrels?” Ellie laughs, thankful to have the relief of talking about herself put off. She shakes her head, “Still terrorizing anyone and everyone.” “Next!” Bucky reluctantly pulls his attention away from Ellie to step up to the ticket booth. “Two please,” he answers politely. As the worker counts his change, Bucky’s eyes couldn’t help but admire Ellie from head to toe. How she pointed one foot inward and fiddled with her fingers as she waited patiently with an imminent smile- admiring the sights and sounds of the fair around her. She was truly breathtaking.

There was no short supply of local attractive women. Bucky had dated plenty of them, and even more had shared his bed. They had always flocked to him, like a moth to a flame. It was a great stroke to his ego, but he was never taken with any of them. And none of them would have slammed a door in his face at the mere sight of him. Ellie though? She was something else entirely. He was always interested in what she had to say. The stories she told always captivated him and made him laugh. Being around her was easy and never forced. Even when they were kids, he found himself stealing glances and daydreaming about her. He had to make tonight mean something.

As Bucky had promised himself, he pulled out all the stops to impress Ellie. It wasn’t long before she eased back into her normal self, although she couldn’t ignore the butterflies constantly flittering along the lining of her belly. The two spent hours walking around the carnival, sharing treats like cotton candy and the biggest, most delicious cannoli they had ever had. Bucky learned fast, and kept suggesting riding the bigger rides, because he selfishly loved it when Ellie clung onto him when she got scared. And Ellie, never being one to back down, always said yes. Ellie eventually convinced Bucky to take a break from riding the tilt-a-whirl back-to-back after threatening him with seeing the pink cotton candy to make an appearance again. He reluctantly conceded, knowing that he would be missing her reaching out and holding onto him. He suggested they play some carnival games until she felt better. And from the way Ellie’s eyes lit up with excitement, Bucky knew it was a promising idea.

In the meantime, they threw darts to pop balloons, a few several types of ball toss, and a horse racing game. Bucky even got to show off his marksmanship at a rifle target booth, winning Ellie a brown teddy bear that she proudly carried around with her for the entirety of the evening. But the best part was the way they cheered each other on with every game. Bucky’s heart swelled each time he won, and Ellie would jump up and down in excitement for him. Even with the playful competitive banter back and forth, neither of them felt a bitter loss. It was starting to get late, and the fair would be shutting down soon. The only ride the two hadn’t ridden yet was the Ferris wheel. Saving the best for last. Standing in a decently extensive line, the pair continued on with the tradition of the night: sharing belly laugh filled stories about dates gone horribly wrong and glances that lingered just a little too long.

Bucky felt something being with Ellie that was completely unfamiliar. In a world that was currently plagued with such darkness, this was the first time in he didn’t know how long he didn’t feel it weigh on him. She rejuvenated his very soul. Bucky silently wished out into the universe that she felt the same about him. “Y’know Ellie, I have to admit,” Bucky tucked his hands into his pockets as he stared down at the dirt his shoe kicked up. “tonight’s been…Ellie?” As he looked up from the ground to meet those golden eyes, there was nothing. She was gone. “Ellie?” Bucky repeated, louder this time as he frantically scanned the large crowd. “Ellie!” He shouted through his funneled hands while standing on his toes. Bucky’s head was starting to spin with worst case scenarios when he suddenly caught a glimpse of her bright yellow dress. Off in a quiet corner next to the circus tent, Ellie was crouched down talking to a young boy. The boy wasn’t looking at her, but instead his head hung low as he stared at the ground, and he seemed… upset.

Although he was too far away to hear, Bucky watched the encounter intently. Ellie nodded gently as she spoke to him, gesturing with her free hand- but the boy still seemed unresponsive. A moment of silence passes between them, and then with a bright smile, Ellie holds up the brown teddy bear that Bucky had won her earlier. She makes the stuffed animal dance, wave its arms, and boop the boy on his nose- finally getting his attention and smile. Then she holds the bear out to him. Without hesitation, he snatches it into his arms and pulls it tight against his chest. The boy is now beaming and looks like he was swapped with a completely different child. He hugs Ellie before running off to another group of children, holding up and showing off the bear while they all exclaimed how lucky he was. Ellie smiled and waved as the boy ran off, remaining crouched down on the ground for a moment even after being alone. Standing up as she brushed off her dress and watched the boy, her expression changed to one with a sorrowful undertone as the boy and his friends ran off. Turning to walk back to the Ferris wheel line, her honey brown eyes locked with Bucky’s. Just the sight of him waiting on her, standing online looking tall, broad, and handsome in that uniform watching her made her cheeks blush and a small smile tug on her lips.

From Bucky’s point of view, time seemed to move in slow motion. The bottom of Ellie’s dress flowed out with each sway of her hips. Her curls gently bounced with each graceful step, despite the uneven fairgrounds. He forgot how to breathe the closer she approached.

“Sorry ‘bout that, Sarge.” Ellie says apologetically, joining Bucky back in the line. “It’s alright,” Bucky’s voice is soft from his throat being dry. The feeling is suddenly overwhelming, his hand has laid dormant for too long. Taking the risk of not being on a ride, he wraps his arm around her shoulders. “Everything okay?” Leaning her body into his, Ellie sighs, “that was one of my students. He got the news earlier this week that his father died in the war. Left behind a wife and three kids… I just-” taking in a deep breath to try and calm herself, she shakes her head, “I know we’ve heard this story a hundred times before, Buck. It just never gets any easier. And I’m so sorry about the bear. I just got caught up in wanting to make him feel better that I just, I-” it was obvious that her heart hurt for the boy as her voice started to crack as she rambled.

She was right, it never got easier to hear these stories. And it always hit that much closer to home when it was someone you knew that was affected. Bucky was unsure if it was the story of the boy, or seeing Ellie’s act of compassion, but there was an undeniable gnawing in his chest as well. “Hey…” he cooed gently, cupping her chin between his thumb and pointer finger, coaxing her to look at him. Ellie tilted her head, though reluctant to look into Bucky’s eyes. But when she did, she found those cerulean irises filled with an unfeigned understanding as he leaned in close, “just means I get to take you out again for a chance to win another one, doll.” Her breath hitched again, at both the close proximity and the idea of another date with Bucky. Her eyes drifted down to his lips briefly before she met his gaze once again. Instinctively, Ellie started to lean in closer- not caring who was around to witness her kiss Bucky Barnes in public.

Bucky mirrored Ellie’s motions, his tongue gently flicking against his lips as he leaned in also when- “Next!” The carnival worker called. The disappointment was evident on Bucky’s face as his lips clenched into a thin line and his eyes closed tightly. Ellie though, was the opposite. She grabbed Bucky’s hand, “C’mon, Sergeant!” she giggled, dragging him onto the ride. Yet again, her smile was contagious, and he immediately gave in. Settling into their car on the Ferris wheel, it quickly jerked and rocked as it started to spin. Ellie threw her arms straight up into the air, squealing in pure excitement. And Bucky watched- Watched as the wonder sparkled in Ellie’s eyes, how the glow of the fair’s lights accentuated her already mesmerizing features, but mainly, he was dying to know if those lips tasted like the most perfect red delicious apple since they were painted exactly like one.

“Anybody ever tell you that you have a staring problem, Sarge?” Bucky had to blink a couple of times to focus. The Ferris wheel car had stopped at the very top, Ellie had her chin propped on her fist, smiling up at him through her lashes. He shook his head, “I was just thinking,” Bucky moved in a little closer, reaching his arm around Ellie’s shoulders, “that you are the most fascinating woman I have ever met.” “He’s lost in a memory…” Ellie’s cheeks blushed, but she rolled her eyes, “oh stop. I bet that’s something you say to all the girls.” Fireworks started firing off into the sky, mirroring the evident spark between the two. “I don’t care what the hell has to be done! Get him out of it! Scramble him again if you have to!” Bucky’s nose scrunches as he smiles, his head tilted up slightly to look down at her, “no, no. My pickup lines are usually waaay cheesier.” He and Ellie both laugh in unison, muffled by the occasional loud pops of the fireworks. But the pair refused to look away from one another.

“But sir-” Leaning in, Bucky breathes in both the mixed carnival aromas and the beautiful floral scent that is Ellie’s perfume. Her eyes flutter close as her lips purse towards his- “I. Don’t. CARE! Do it! NOW!” [2013] Bucky is met with a swift, vigorous slap to the face. Blinking rapidly, his eyes painfully adjust to the fluorescent lights in the room. Once focused, he finds numerous pairs of hard eyes staring down at him. Bucky sheepishly looks down at his bare chest, flexing painfully against the tight restraints of his chair. The realization that it was in fact not 1943 and not his first date with Ellie was quickly confirmed by the surrounding HYDRA agents, all staring at him like he was some wild animal waiting to snap and tear through a village.

Although in retrospect, he may have done that once or twice. And secretly, he never minded having HYDRA blood on his hands. If that wasn’t confirmation enough, the skin on his left shoulder was taut- the built-up scar tissue irritated from the roughened edges of his metal arm. God, how he hated that fucking thing. Sure, getting used to any kind of prosthetic takes time to accept- if at all. But this was used with the sole purpose of turning Bucky into a weapon, and for that reason, he hated it and everything it stood for. At least, when he could remember. Which is why he was always restrained. Which is why he was brainwashed over and over again until he forgot his name. Which is why he was thrown on ice when he wasn’t of use, so they didn’t have to hear his endless screaming as he tore and ripped at the skin, praying it would be tarnished enough that they couldn’t make him a new arm. But they always made him a new arm.

Alexander Pierce stepped out from between a few of the agents, clad in an expensive gray suit that stood out against the sea of all black military grade HYDRA uniforms. “Where’d you go?” he asked nonchalantly, shoving his hands into his pockets. It’s not like he was genuinely curious about anything that didn’t pertain to his own interests. Bucky’s brow furrowed, his eyes glancing briefly in Pierce’s direction before looking down again, “n-nowhere…” he replied apprehensively, always cautious about giving personal details when he remembered them. Pierce huffed sarcastically under his breath. A smirk tugged on his lips as his eyes narrowed on Bucky, “wipe him,” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand, “we’ll start fresh again tomorrow.” He wasn’t even fully done speaking before he spun on the heels of his dress shoes and was out the door.

The mechanical whirring from the machines surrounding Bucky’s now reclined chair grew antagonizingly loud. He could feel his lips uncontrollably twitch- and it took everything within his remaining willpower not to snarl as he reluctantly accepted the mouth guard the agent forced onto his teeth. Bucky’s chest already glistened with sweat as it heaved deeply, anxious for what was to come. His eyes widened at the sight of the all too familiar chrome halo that soon clasped securely around his head. He braced himself for the pain of his mind feeling like it was on literal fire by breathing around the mouthpiece and digging his heels. At least today, he remembered Ellie. Bucky just focused on the pure, rare beauty that she was sitting on top of the Ferris wheel that night- smiling at him like he was the only man in the world. Until it all went black. [Present Day]

He wasn’t sure if it was the sounds of his own screams or flailing around in his sleep that woke him from his nightmare. Or rather, memory. Bucky sat upright from the living room floor, tangled up in his blanket. His eyes traced the room, taking in the primarily dark apartment aside from the faint glow of the television. He felt hot, despite only sleeping in his boxers and his skin shining with a thick layer of sweat. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, even though he desperately took in quick, ragged breaths. Bucky felt so lost, even though he had been found. Even with being free of HYDRA and breaking from the control that anyone could have over him after spending time in Wakanda, he didn’t feel as though anyone truly knew him. Hell, he wasn’t even sure who he was after it all was stripped away. The only people who understood Bucky were Steve and Ellie, and they’re both gone. A small ‘meow’ came from Bucky’s side, making her presence known before gently rubbing her head against his thigh. Well, maybe there was one who understood him.

Letting out the pent-up air in his lungs, Bucky picked up the petite white cat and cradled her against his chest, “Sorry, pretty girl,” he actively softened his voice, “did I wake you?” He gently ran his hand over her head and down her neck, immediately pulling purrs from Alpine. He sighed to himself but continued to concentrate on petting her as his accelerated heart rate started to come back down. Alpine’s purrs grew louder as she started making biscuits against his thighs, making herself nice and comfy before drifting to sleep in his lap. At least one of us will be able to sleep tonight.

As expected, he didn’t fall back asleep. Instead, Bucky replayed the distant clashing memories over and over in his head until the sun started peeking through the windows. At the break of dawn, he jumped into the shower in hopes of washing the night away. As Bucky stood in the shower, letting the tiny streams of water encase around him, he realized just how much he missed his old life. That version of him and how often his mind drifted to a time where he used to belong. In that moment, he decided he was going to use today to go to his old stomping grounds, reminisce and allow himself to truly grieve that part of his life.

Throwing on a pair of dark wash jeans, a grey T-shirt and a black leather jacket, Bucky locked the door to his apartment and made his way through The Compound. Leaning against the wall near the entrance was Loki, seemingly keeping to himself. He noticed Bucky though as soon as he stalked into view. His skin looked pale, his blue eyes dull and lifeless above the prominent dark circles underneath. Bucky’s nightmares and lack of sleep were something that the team was all too familiar with. They each collectively had their own demons that haunted dark rooms and spoke through the walls in the lonely hours late at night. “Isn’t it just a tad early,” Loki stood to his full height, “to seem this aloof already, James?” Bucky regarded Loki as he kept walking. “Yeah,” his earnest tone matching his gloomy mood as the door automatically opened.

The bright, warm sun was a stark contrast to the cold, dark night that Bucky just had.

Standing at the edge of a small, curved road in the park that overlooked the Brooklyn Bridge, Bucky took in all the sights and sounds. It was strange to him how much the city had evolved and yet, some things were still the same. People passed, not paying him any mind. Friends gossiped over their morning coffee on a nearby bench, the runners attempted to get that last mile in before the day got too hot, couples walked by holding hands, and families pushed large strollers with smiley babies. It all sounded the same, but nothing was as it used to be. The intrusive thoughts felt heavier today as he continued to watch and take it all in, reminiscing about the times he and Steve used to drink beers at the bottom of that very bridge. Or rather, Bucky would try and convince Steve to drink. But he never did. Bucky and his sister used to play in this very park- though it looks different now. It sometimes was still difficult to differentiate what was a memory or a daydream he had conjured up to disassociate.

"Vader!" If he squinted his eyes just enough, he could see where his family's old town home used to stand in the distance before it was bulldozed down. "No! Don't- You're going to make me-" The sound of a heavy thud made Bucky look over his shoulder. On the ground a few feet behind him was a small cardboard box with the top cut off, lying on its side. Scattered all around and halfway in the box, was an assortment of wildflowers. "Damn it, Vader!" An annoyed voice grumbled before sighing heavily.

Giving the apparent mess a once over, Bucky breathed deeply through his nostrils before turning around and taking a knee- putting the box right side up before starting to subtly pick up the flowers. "Sit!" The sound of nails scratching against the asphalt came to a stop, only to be replaced with heavy panting. Bucky glanced over briefly to see a rather large German Shepherd watching proudly as he picked up the flowers. "God, thank you so much for your help! I'm just having one of those days. No thanks to this one here either." The woman's voice sounded slightly exasperated.

"No problem," Bucky replied, trying to look up but the sun blared straight into his eyes, momentarily blocking the person with whom he was speaking. After picking up the last few flowers, he tossed them into the box as he stood up. His height gave him the advantage of no longer having the sun in his face and he finally was able to see the person he's been interacting with. Bucky stops breathing- eyes widening in disbelief. Eleanor. It was her, and yet it wasn't. Her skin was evenly tanned, her golden hair long with a slight wave to it framing her face, dressed in matching yoga pants and sports tank as she clung tightly to the dog’s leash to keep him in place. "I spent my whole morning picking those," she gestured towards the box, "and this lunatic has been dragging me everywhere in between," she explains, embarrassed. Bucky is still staring, just blinking occasionally, skeptical that this is real.

Clearing her throat softly at what she perceived to be awkwardness, she picks up the box. "Thanks again!" she remarked politely, starting to turn away to leave. "W-what-" Bucky started, causing her to hesitate. He took a small step forward, "are those for?" he pointed to the box. It was the first thing that came to his mind, he had to keep her there for just a little while longer. He needed to know more. Smiling as she turned back to face him, Bucky's stomach twisted. It's the same smile. "I'm a teacher and anytime I'm here I grab some for my students," she shrugged nonchalantly. "I can usually come up with some kind of craft or whatever to make use of them." "You're a teacher?" "Mhm! Elementary." Down to the same damned occupation. "You... come here often? With your dog?" Bucky awkwardly motioned towards the German Shepherd. "Oh, um... Well," She laughed. Oh no. He feared that his question made her uncomfortable. "This is Vader," she runs her hand over the dog's head a few times, "but he's not mine. Just watching him for some friends while they're away."

Bucky looks over Vader, the corner of his lips tugging into a small smile before fixating on the woman again. "I'm sorry, " she starts, her eyes narrowing slightly as her head tilts in inquisition, "but do I know you? You just look so familiar..." He swallowed the large lump in his throat, "Uh, no? Nope, I don't think so." "Huh," she muttered to herself, continually examining his blue eyes. Clearing her throat, she holds out her hand "I'm Elena, but my friends call me Ellie." Taking her petite hand in his gloved one, he carefully shakes her hand. "Ellie," Bucky repeats, incredulously. "James, but my friends call me Bucky." "Bucky." Elena mirrors his tone. Her eyes drift down to his chest momentarily, spotting his dog tags. "And you're military?" A small snort escapes as he grins, "former Sergeant in the 107th." "Interesting," Ellie responded, continuing to search his crystal blue eyes as if it would magically reveal as to why she felt magnetized by this man's presence. Looking down, Bucky realized they were still holding onto one another's hand. His eyebrows raised, an amused smile eclipsing his former expression. The pair chuckled once, letting go. "Well," Ellie said, fidgeting with the dog leash in her hands, "It was nice meeting you. Thanks again," her voice sheepish as she shifted the cardboard box under her arm. "Nice meeting you too, Ellie," Bucky agreed. There was something about the way he said her name, how smoothly it rolled off his tongue that just felt so... intimate. Like he did in fact know her. That there was a secret between them that she was dying to know. Giving him a hopeful smile, she turned to walk away- Vader following at her side, "Hope to see you around, Sergeant!" Ellie called over her shoulder, giving a small wave.

Bucky watched Elena walking away, left utterly astounded by the interaction that had just occurred. Two images from two separate times seemed to overlap- Ellie from today, and Ellie with the tight curls and red lips in the yellow polka dot dress. A form of Deja vu. But one thing was for sure, he made it his mission to see her again.

Later that evening at The Compound, Bucky stood at the counter in the kitchen holding a small drinking glass filled with ice and whiskey. The recent encounter from this morning consumed him and all of his thoughts. Which is why he didn’t notice Loki casually walk into the kitchen as well. Loki found this to be peculiar, since Bucky was the type to at least give an acknowledging scowl. “Penny for your thoughts?” Loki inquired, his voice low. Bucky swirled the ice in the glass before peeking up at him, “I had something… strange happen to me today.” “Oh?” “I uh-” Bucky sighed, putting the glass down a little harder than intended. “I swear I bumped into someone from my past. But it makes no sense. She would have to be, what? Over a hundred years old? It was her but it wasn’t her.” His hands expressed the bafflement he felt through their motions.

“You’re over a hundred, James.” Loki reminded. Bucky’s eyes narrowed, “yeah, I know.” He asserted. “But this was different. I don’t know how to explain it.” “Hmm.” Loki hummed to himself, looking over Bucky. Taking a step forward, extending out his hand out, “show me.” “Show you?” Bucky retorted, disgruntled by the question. “And just how would I do that?” Loki grinned, “I was raised by Witches, boy. There are many things I can see that people don’t understand.” Without waiting for an answer, Loki took Bucky’s flesh hand and pressed it flat between his. “What are you-” “Shh!” Loki planted his feet firmly, looking into Bucky’s eyes- which widened with concern. What would Loki see looking into his mind? His memories? Would he recount the same faces and what he’d done to them that haunt Bucky every single night? He suddenly felt overwhelmed with anxiety. Bucky stared back at Loki- his normal cobalt blue eyes started to glow a bright green. “Ah,” Loki breathed, “found it.” Flashbacks of today as well as the carnival shared between the two as a birds-eye view, like watching Bucky’s memories as if they were a movie. “Tell me, James,” Loki smirked while watching the images, “do you know what reincarnation is?” “What? Like being born again?” Bucky spat, feeling ridiculous. Loki laughed, “I’m afraid it’s much more in depth than people think.” Bucky raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain further. “Rare is it that one is given such an opportunity.” Loki breathed, astounded.

Rolling his eyes, Bucky sighs, “What the fuck are you even trying to say here, Loki?” “I’m saying,” he kept his voice low, trying to maintain patience, “that this universe somehow deemed you worthy of a second chance… with your soulmate.” “Soulmate?!” Bucky’s voice was loud, incredulous. “I haven’t seen this before,” Loki answered, fascinated at the scenes playing before them, “A soul brought back in the same lifetime to make up for time lost. Destiny can be a finicky thing.” “You’re saying that we were meant to be together all those years ago?” Bucky swallowed hard, his stomach twisting inward on itself. “Yes. And decisions made that weren’t your own affected that outcome. You’ve been given the opportunity to actually live out your true fate.” The eerie green glow faded from Bucky’s eyes as Loki pulled his hands away. He saw many things but decided to only show Bucky what pertained to this conversation. The screams already a sound he knew he wouldn’t forget anytime soon. The two always had a mutual understanding of each other. They typically got along, more so than the rest of the team. Their history often left preconceived tension with people, but they never judged one another. Just themselves. “So,” Bucky scratched the back of his head, “what do I do now?” “You, my friend,” Loki gripped Bucky’s shoulder, “go get a happy ending.”

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[thewritingofamadwoman]

To Forgive or Not To Forgive, That Is The Question

Part two of “Should I Stay or Should I go”

Pairing: Mark Sloan x Fem!OC

Warnings: some fluff, some angst, Mark being his usual handsome self.

Thank you for reading & Enjoy!

It had been exactly one month since Mark Sloan officially started working at Seattle Grace and honestly it has been the worst few weeks of my entire existence. My head and heart were all over the place, at war with each other whenever I saw, thought of, spoke to, or worked with Mark.

The more logical, realistic side of me was angry and hurt, betrayed that I had no choice but to work side by side on some cases with the man who had left both my daughter and I when we needed him the most. The emotional, more physical side of my brain couldn’t stop from preening whenever Mark complimented me or flirted with me. He once placed a hand on my waist to squeeze by from behind me I could swear that the entire hallway heard the how loud my fucking heart was beating.

I tried my hardest to be the bitch I needed to be to deter him. I would glare and roll my eyes, snap back and avoid Mark at all costs. But of course, somehow the largest hospital in Seattle had become smaller than your average kindergarten classroom. I couldn’t avoid Mark Sloan no matter how hard I tried.

I was currently standing at a nurses station, flipping through a chart while Callie stood next to me, signing a few papers. Cristina Yang was crunching on chips in front of us when she let out a low whistle. Callie and I turned our attention to her when she nodded her head towards the end of the hall. There Mark stood as he chatted with Derek, in scrubs and a lab coat. The men were whispering about something, and Mark let out a laugh, throwing his head back. Callie let out a breathy laugh of her own.

“Damn he’s hot,” she said, and Cristina hummed in response. I rolled my eyes but couldn’t take my eyes from Mark’s silhouette. They weren’t wrong, Mark was hot. So very fucking hot. But…he fucked up. And I couldn’t forgive him. I shouldn’t forgive him. Right?

“He’s alright, I guess. But he’s an ass,” I said nonchalantly and forced my eyes back to the chart in front of me.

Cristina snorted and continued to munch on her chips.

“Sure, but that’s a fine ass he has,” she chuckled and Callie laughed along with her, agreeing. I looked up to shush them but my eyes connected with Mark’s from across the hall and I stuttered. Make gave me his signature smile, eyes gentle, before turning back to Derek. Callie and Cristina turned around to stop themselves from giggling. Controlling my blush I closed my patients folder and slapped Callie’s arm with that same folder.

“You two are horrible. Just horrible,” I mumbled at them before I walked away.

——

The day continued and Mark always seemed to be in my peripheral vision. Everywhere I went, he was there. Whether he was with a patient or chatting with one of our coworkers, Mark Sloan was never more than 40 steps away from me at any given moment.

I reached my breaking point before lunch.

“Oh for fucks sake,” I muttered to myself when I saw Mark chatting with Alex Karev, MY intern for the month. I marched to both men and cleared my throat.

“Mark, can I speak to you for a second?” I bit out, doing my best to remain civil.

“Uh yeah, sure. Of course. Karev, I’ll see you later,” Mark nodded at Alex before turning to me, a friendly smile on his face.

“Mark, what are you doing?” I sighed, tired of all the emotional whiplash. Mark looked at me, seemingly genuinely confused.

“What do you mean? Karev? I was just chatting with him-“

“No,” I cut him off. “What are you doing here, in Seattle? At this hospital? You’re one of the best plastic surgeons in the country and you had to come to the one hospital I work at?”

Mark gave me a small, sheepish smile.

“In my defense, this is the number one trauma center in the west cost and Richard Webber really did give me an offer I couldn’t refuse. But the main reason? You know the main reason, Lise. I came to apologize. What I did was wrong. So fucking wrong,” Mark sighed, and the use of a nickname I hadn’t heard in a long time did not go unnoticed by me. I let him continue.

“I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you and to our baby girl. I was young and dumb and I know that those aren’t excuses, but you have to believe me when I say that I want nothing more in this world right now than to be with you and to finally meet my daughter.” Mark’s eyes pleaded with mine and I could see the sincerity within them.

But I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him right away.

“Mark, you broke me. I was ready to start a family with you. And you just ripped my heart out and stomped on it. I…I’m not sure I can just forgive you like that,” I said, my heart clenching at the thought of us being a family again. I didn’t notice the hot tear sliding down my face until Mark’s hands cupped both of my cheeks, his thumb brushing the stray tear away.

“I’m sorry Lise. I’m so sorry baby. I will spend the rest of my entire fucking existence trying to earn your trust back, if you’ll let me. I want to do right by you and our baby girl. I know what I’m signing up for here. And I’m willing. Please, just let me try to prove myself to you. I want to be the one who makes you happy again,” Mark pleaded, his own eyes watering with desperation. I reached up and grabbed both of his wrists in my hands before staring into those beautiful blue eyes of his.

After what felt like an eternity, I nodded.

“You get ONE chance. This is it, Mark. You fuck this up and we are DONE for good. You don’t get to talk to me or see our daughter. You disappear from the fucking face of the earth and leave us alone. Do you hear me?” I said. Last time, I let logic and reasoning rule my heartbreak. This time I was willing to let emotion take over. I was still raw from the heartbreak but I guess I loved Mark Sloan more than I was willing to admit.

Mark’s eyes widened and he smiled, squeezing my face in his hands just a touch and leaning forward to place a gentle kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes at the sensation, opening them back up once Mark had pulled away.

“You won’t be disappointed baby, I promise.”

Part Three…? ;)

Tag List (thanks for reading):

@caseyandsloan @xjasam4lifex @spookyboogyuniverse

[cool-fancier]

Dance of Desire

Synopsis: You and Bada got ready to perform Chris Brown's "Under the Influence" in the intense atmosphere of the JustJerk Academy rehearsal room. Your bodies showed an evident synergy while moving with sensual precision, captivating the audience. The performance drew cheers and ovation, and it rapidly went viral online, sparking admiration from viewers for your passion and connection.

The atmosphere at the JustJerk Academy rehearsal room was outstanding as you and Bada got ready to perform Chris Brown's "Under the Influence." Sensual feelings from the music filled the room, preparing everyone for a performance that would make an impact.

You and Bada moved with a seductive style that seemed almost effortless when the music started. Your bodies appearing to move in unison, demonstrating the closeness and intimacy you shared. The dance was a captivating representation of unrestrained emotion and desire.

The intimate moments in the dance were executed with precision, leaving the students in the room totally captivated. Your chemistry was real, and it showed in every sensual gesture and fiery glance you made.

A student from the academy couldn't help but gasp during your performance and shout, "They're on fire!" Cheers and laughter erupted across the room, and others joined in.

The way your bodies moved together was like a seductive dance of desire, and the students in the room were hanging onto every moment, practically holding their breath in anticipation of what would come next.

You and Bada moved in sync as the performance reached its climax, pressing your bodies together in an embrace that made it clear how passionately you both felt. It was a dance of love and longing that left everyone in the room in wonder.

The room burst into an eruption of applause and whistles as the last notes of the song faded. It was obvious that everyone who saw your performance had been profoundly affected by it.

People from all around the world hurried to see the video of your performance as soon as it was put on the official JustJerk Academy YouTube channel. There was a tornado of feelings and responses in the comments section.

@badastepdaughter:Their chemistry is off the charts! I've never seen a dance so incredibly sexy and passionate.🔥🔥🔥

@Y/Nisbada.wife:Bada and Y/Njust redefined the meaning of a sultry dance. I'm still trying to catch my breath!😳

Amidst the praise, there were playful comments too.

@bada_L:I think I need to cool down after that performance.

You and Bada could not help but encounter a sense of satisfaction as you read the comments. Along with showcasing your extraordinary talent, your dance also demonstrated how deeply you cared for each other and how strongly you were connected.

With her voice flowing with romanticism, Bada leaned in and said, "Our dance set the room on fire, love." We left them wanting more."

Knowing that this performance solidified your standing as a dynamic dancing duo, both on and off the stage, you couldn't agree more. "And they'll be talking about this for a very long time."

[rockermazy]

All singing in the show is canonically diegetic - meaning that all singing 100% takes place in-universe, for all the characters to hear and potentially participate in.

In the first (non-pilot) episode, the " Story of Hell" book, as read by Charlie, states that Lillith "empower[ed] demon-kind with her voice and her songs - and as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power." After the extermination began, Lilith's "dream was passed down to her precious daughter, the Princess of Hell", who is presumably Charlie herself. Two scenes later, Charlie is in musical-notation hammerspace with other denizens, being the cognito hazard that she is.

In episode 7, Rosie invites Charlie to rally Cannibal Town in defending the hotel during the upcoming extermination. When Charlie initially fails, Rosie asks how she normally explains her hotel. Charlie replies, "Through singing". Singing is canonically a gift of both Charlie and every demon - both Hellborn and Sinner.

Which leads me to a theory: One thing that's been nagging me since the pilot, is how Lucifer and Lilith have been fucking for nearly 6,000 years, but only NOW decided to have a daughter in the 21st century. It makes Charlie's existence look almost Mary Sue-ish*. After watching Helluva Boss, it made more sense that Charlie might be an "insurance baby", much like Octavia is to Stolas' lineage. Lucifer might not be unkillable. Carmine and the hotel battle of episode 8 have both demonstrated that angels can be killed with the right ammunition. But why was Charlie born now, in the 21st century? My theory is that Heaven asked Lilith to leave Hell, hoping she'd take her song with her. Heaven knew that Lilith was the one making Hell stronger through her songs. Charlie uses song to rally the people around her.

Husk used song to heal.

Song, even when used to butt heads, (ex: Lucifer vs Alastor), will make combatants drop valuable info, basically outing themselves to everyone within earshot in this universe.

My guess is that a conversation sometime in the past went something like this: Heaven: Lilith, bitch - we see what you're doing. Stop teaching Hell how to sing - the bonding and wholesomeness is threatening our status quo." Lilith: No. Heaven: Fine, we'll exterminate. Lilith: (years later, looking at Carmine's charts) hmmm... the number of sinners getting exterminated each year seems to be climbing. Heaven might want all of us dead. Hey, Luci-boo... get your depressed-ass over here. You wanna make a kid this time? (Waits til Charlie is somewhat grown, and asks Heaven for a "meeting".) Lilith: ok, I have got an offer you cannot refuse - I will never EVER sing again, and my power will leave with me - IF you give me a spot in Heaven (or Earth - I should technically be immortal since I never touched the Forbidden Fruit). Heaven: um... win for everyone? ok! Charlie herself (for lack of a better term) might be Lilith's "ace in the hole" herself. Also, this makes me wonder if the only way to avoid lying is to avoid singing on the topic XD

*I have nothing against mary sues. I'd been wanting for years now to do something visual describing the internal turmoil that religious trauma caused in my The-Cell-starring-J-lo --like inner worlds. Telling personal stories and Mary Sues are inextricably intertwined. This show has inspired me to either keep pursuing that or just quit. Because picking apart past trauma for analysis can be more trouble than its worth - especially if you are ready to forget. u.u I still get deep chills every time I hear Emily and Charlie's duet in "You Didn't Know", even though I've officially considered myself atheist for like, what, three months?" This shit was an essay. I'm just going to play Warframe instead. Peace.

[nico-esoterica]

The Pluto in Aqua Survival Guide For Millennials and Gen Z 🚀

Part 1: Pluto through the Houses (Below) | Part 2: How The Generations Will Be Affected + Advice // Long Post Ahead++ If you’re reading this in February 2024, Pluto hasn’t officially transited into Aquarius yet but it WILL spend most of the year in it. This is giving the same vibes as 2008, the year of the US recession and subsequent global economic crash—but was, interestingly enough, when Pluto previewed Capricorn. It wasn’t exactly stable yet carried a smorgasbord of influence. In the 5 months and 2 and a half weeks it spent in the water goat’s sign, billions of charts were affected in ways we’re still studying to this day. So I consider this ‘preview’ worth studying as well because history can be cyclical.

But I think a doom and gloom perspective is redundant. We’re used to hearing how we can’t do something or how insurmountable the odds are because we typically associate Saturn with austerity. ‘The economy’s down’, ‘we can’t afford this,’ ‘climate change is worsening by the day,’ ‘10 tips to stop yourself from doom scrolling,’ including whatever well-meaning anxieties your parents reminded you of this week while you’re panicking over whether or not your Uber Eats tip is going to overdraft your account. Where Aquarius differs from Capricorn is that it prefers not to compromise its ideals over its survival. The latter are like the Millennials who project their neatly compartmentalized boomer inflicted trauma onto their subordinates because they’re from a generation where Uranus and Neptune’s dreams of job security on the horizon became lofty and farfetched by the recession. It hit when those born from the mid 80s to mid 90s would’ve been entering middle school or finishing university by that time (11-23yo). That means that those on the cusp of adolescence and at the beginning of our stages of realization in early adulthood weren’t catapulting into the abundance promised if they ‘worked hard enough’ but straight into an echoless void. But under Pluto in Aquarius, we can expect hopefuls to pick up the debris left strewn on the ground from the failed system and repurpose familiar ideas into more promising and sustainable fabric. If we think of the typical Aquarius, they’re usually a person who had to adapt to a negligent environment using a unique form of genius which subsequently separated them from the rest. They’re shrewd and strategic and have a sixth sense for building their world view around what makes sense to them—even if they’re the odd ones out yet again. Because what they don’t tell you about the water bearer is that no matter how embittered it becomes, somewhere under the weeds of the pain and disappointment its grown to expect, there’s an idealistic child selfishly clinging to hope—they’re lovers masking as misanthropes. That’s why Leo, ruled by the Sun, is its sibling. Through its opposition, we learn to always keep our standards for ourselves and the world around us sky high. If the system benefits from us underestimating ourselves, we must invest in shameless self belief.

__________

Dates are a rough estimate and will hypothesize what Pluto in Aqua (and other slow moving transits) have in store for those born between 1984-2007. Pluto in Aqua (themes): Recycle/Upcycle, Renew, Radicalize, Reject Key: • Saturn = Consolidation and attitudes towards structure and foundation (how they systemize/structure themselves esp when they need help or avoid it) • Uranus = Innovation and drastic sudden changes personally/circumstantially • Neptune = Personal zeitgeist and attitudes towards social trends and moods which deal with the topic of that house • Pluto = Aggrandizement of power, resources, and gains and losses of scale through the process of (slow and deeply sewn or festering) upheaval/uprooting, death, decay of the topics of the house it occupies, catalyst(s) for personal transformation Aries 1H: (Pluto in 11H) - friend groups, networks, the internet, and community service, (theory—ruler = social capital and clout) —Expansion (or) creation of friend groups and networks who share what matters most to you and finding community support amongst an unexpected group of people who’ll radically change your mindset. You may go through a period where everyone seems to ‘fall off’ right before you find the right people (they’ll probably be outliers or unique). Industry wise, this can mean being more tapped into what’s next tech and internet wise especially if you have placements here. Some of you may go off the grid entirely and live in a co-op in the woods/mountains to be honest.

But you and Gemini Risings need to watch Midsommar twice at the least. But this transit will also put many of you in places of leadership. You’re going to become the main protagonists in these tribes or circles of new ideas, especially with Uranus trining from your 3rd and Neptune creating a blazing soul fire in your 1st. Since Jupiter generally joys in the 11th, that Pluto/Neptune on your 11/1 feels like many of you may adopt a belief system or reject the notion of mainstream spirituality entirely for something more grounded and personal to you. Just be mindful of ideological rabbit holes and potentially isolating yourselves by accident. Taurus 1H: (Pluto in 10H) - social status/public image and career direction and its honors and great achievements, bosses and people in high positions of power, public recognition (and the pursuit of it) —Thought leader and People’s Champ—See what’s happening with Megan Thee Stallion where the entire internet shifted to support her after years of bullying and targeted harassment (she’s a Taurus Asc). The ambitious will benefit heavily from this transit while the unambitious (but who want to live well) will gain attention, credibility, and opportunity for surviving all this time, esp if you’re marginalized w/ a platform (if you don’t have one, get one NOW). People will uplift you for the more authentic you are.

But you’re going to have to learn to accept that others will see the greatness in you that you’ve been afraid of believing all along. With Uranus moving through your 2nd and Neptune in your 12th, you’re going to feel like you finally have autonomy with your finances and life path. But it’s going to call for you being comfortable with advocating for yourselves and setting clear boundaries because the former outers in Aqua hitting your 1st from your 10th can mean you spent a period being disrespected and feeling adrift by male or authority figures and it leading to you questioning yourself and your life potential. You’re used to people not believing in you—but the tables have turned. Stand on top of the business of yourself. Gemini 1H: (Pluto in 9H) - higher education, government, long distance travel and foreign culture, and organized religion and traditionally taught spirituality, politics, and publishing (large scale, corporate), teaching —Many of you may drop out of school (or find niched but polarizing niches within it), travel the world permanently, or may be radicalized by spirituality, politics, or education in a very BIG way that’ll be unique to this era. Please avoid Scientology and cults like the plague (or starting them) because there’ll be a strong ‘itch’ to find a sense of purpose w/ this transit. Because it’s so deep and aggrandizing, you’re going to feel like your entire life revolves around something larger than yourself and while this is a GOOD thing, you can get lost if you don’t have an internal compass.

The answers are within YOU, not something else. But this will be a very big ‘finding yourself’ transit to get to that conclusion. Similar to my advice to Aries Risings, these outers are hitting major identity shifting houses for you—The difference with you, Gemini, is that your ideals will be more solid but your concept of ‘yourself’ will undergo several transformations which will compliment your politics. Your framework for life will experience a new barrage of ‘what ifs’ and the current way you think will not be the same as it was a week, a year, ten years, 20 years into the future. You love change but with Uranus squaring a Pisces MC for some of you (or planets there), it’s important that you remember who you are versus what the world may want from you. Don’t get lost in the sauce. Cancer 1H: (Pluto in 8H) - shared resources and boundaries, inherited trauma and family karma [5th from the 8th] (and material inheritance) and trauma cycles, and coping mechanisms, shame and denial, loans/taxes, supernatural experiences, death, and the occult, sexual entanglement and taboo —You’ve already had three outer planets run amok in here and this will be the continuation of what Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune have prepped you for. Having terrible boundaries (too thick or thin) and other people’s baggage you feel like you have to shoulder or inherit is not gonna be it this time around. But the theme of this for some of you will be a HUGE taking-back-your-power-from-other-people era.

It’s taking ownership of something in your life that others thought they were entitled to. But it usually comes with a molting, shedding, and releasing process. This period can also be about transmuting grief, shame, or guilt into power. Others may fall down the rabbit hole of metaphysics (esp via NDE, astral travel, etc) and there’ll be a pocket who’ll (this sounds wacked but ima say it) experience alien contact and communication due to Uranus/Pluto being in air signs in psychic houses for you. But oof—The era of the people pleasing because people made you think being assertive is a ‘bad’ thing is over. Leo 1H: (Pluto in 7H) - contracts, serious relationships and marriages, relationship dynamics and what is projected onto you and from you, enemies you know —Similar to Cancer Risings, you’re used to having your boundaries compromised because conditioning taught you not to have them (or to make them steep). During this next cycle, your rebellion and rejection of what’s expected from you in your relationships will most likely send you down several rabbit holes where you experiment with different relationship styles and there’ll be a sense of ‘anarchy’ to everything.

Uranus transiting your 10H has been amplifying this already so you’re at the point now where you’re too far gone to appease and bow out like usual. But you’re also committed to radically setting boundaries now or letting them dissolve—if you’re ready for it. If not, Pluto transiting here can create spores of abandonment issues to infect relationships if the core causes aren’t uprooted—but having any natal Aqua placements will provide clues to learn what’s there. Being vulnerable and intimate means letting people know what hurts, where it hurts, and how they can care for you to accommodate it. Virgo 1H: (Pluto in 6H) - service industry, day jobs and short-term employment and trends with employment, overall job market and how you fit within it, work ethic, everyday health and routines (and health concerns), and pets (small domesticated animals) —You are so DONE with the way you’ve been treated or felt ‘afloat’ with your everyday life over the past several years (and longer). With Uranus about to transit your 10H for a while with Neptune in your 8H are going to push you (externally and internally) to take charge of your life in a way you can control. You’re very good at following orders because it’s sensible but suck at taking charge because honestly?

Neptune transiting your 7th for so long gives me the impression that you have a hard time saying ‘No’ when people need things from you. For the contrarians in the audience, relax—It just means your environment taught you to placate it. But life path wise, or just for right now, Pluto will force you to take your dreams and goals more seriously by thrusting you into situations where you’ll feel like you’re being called to act on your deep soul urges at last. Especially with the North Node transiting here in a few years—You’re going to know you’re doing what’s ‘right’ for you if it feels like you can finally be yourself. Libra 1H: (Pluto in 5H) - pleasure and recreation, the arts (esp those which feed the inner child), children, and more serious hobbies or deeply felt/consistent ones (passions), romanticism/addictions/vices which become necessary for recreation or to feel creative inspiration, what inspires you and how deeply it hits/affects —In a professional or creative sense, you’re about to tap into some serious inner child healing where you take those years you’ve neglected the more artistic part of yourself and devote yourself to nurturing it (at last). Relationship wise, many of you will be reconsidering having children later on than you originally planned because you value stability. Others will be abandoning it all together.

This will also be a period, calling it now, where a good portion of you will be more open to polyamory if you weren’t already. In a non-romantic sense, you’re going to be more interested in non-hierarchal and more communal relationship dynamics where your world has the robust support system you needed as a child. The focus overall will be finding sustainable ways to repair the damage/trauma you most likely experienced from having Pluto in Capricorn hit your angles for so long, especially for cardinal signs. But it’ll feel strange and even dizzying at first—You’re not used to shamelessly choosing yourself and your inner world and desires therein. Get comfortable by letting people be uncomfortable with this shift. Scorpio 1H: (Pluto in 4H) - family and origin, family secrets and history, bought and inherited real estate/material wealth, one’s sense of security and privacy and the private self, family legacy and drama, roots and family patterns and obligations and how we react to them —There’s some childhood wounds that need to properly scab over that you’ve been picking at for the last several years or more since Saturn entered its home signs and conjoined Pluto. Not all of you have family problems, but the other three outers transiting here lets me know that the concept of ‘safety’ will be a sensitive topic. Did you feel completely supported? Did you experience neglect? Were there issues with boundaries?

Gen Z/illennials with outer planets here will not be able to skirt around facing their core issue of fearing being vulnerable. Uranus in Gemini trining this house from your 8H will expedite this after it’s done squaring it from Taurus in your 7th—which just made things more awkward and chaotic than better. This house also dealing with family legacy with Pluto here may present…unexpected rewards for your suffering that were long overdue. Material rewards and those that can only be measured with the heart. You will be gaining this time instead of losing. Sagittarius 1H: (Pluto in 3H) - early childhood experiences, siblings, neighborhood and local community affairs, communication and publishing (written and digital—usually small scale), everyday rituals and hobbies, creature comforts which are ritualized, short distance travels, habits which are taught or gained/inspired, mundane everyday activity or obligation and how you feel about it/go about it —With Pluto leaving your 2H, you’re experiencing a titanic-level mindset shift. Depending on the rest of your chart, what you can anticipate is that your everyday life will carry a new level of intensity. Everything will have additional weight and purpose. But your well-being is moving out of a place of operating out of constant survival-mode to prioritizing what you think about what your life ought to look like.

Pluto transiting from your 12H to your 3H, depending on your age, means that the underpinning of your life has revolved around what your role is within a conglomerate of people where the focus isn’t on you but what you can contribute or you acting out in defiance of that or having an existential fear, that’s usually impressed on you by a parent, of losing control. With the outers beaming from your 5th and 7th, this is going to be about you going back to the beginning—what makes you genuinely happy? What makes you feel good? Who do you like having around you? Who’s important and why? It’ll feel like learning to walk again and rediscovering your core interests, passions, and love styles but without worrying about who you’re performing for. Because fuck them. Kindly and unkindly. Capricorn 1H: (Pluto in 2H) - personal resources and finance, attitudes about material security and said resources, the different ways in which material comfort can ground us and reflect in what makes us feel the most secure in our lives on a day to day basis, love of the material and/or fear of it, conditioned attitudes about money —You’re in a unique position where you’re going to begin valuing yourself outside of what you can tangibly provide—and for you this is a big deal because that’s how you’ve perceived yourself until now. Pluto settling in your 2nd means that for some of you, your ideas will become your black card (your perspective on the outside looking in or the inverse) and any community you tap into will provide you with its resources.

For others, you’ll be experiencing ego deaths where you’ll either want to detach from the system entirely and start growing your own food, sourcing your own materials, etc, anything to make you into the resource instead while the opposing camp will turn their corporate trauma into winning underdog success with new industries (and opportunities) that’ll open up. There’s going to be a death somewhere with all parties involved regarding how you see yourself. It won’t be about what you can do for the world but how it will pivot to work for you. But it requires a perspective shift—Are you ready to kill off the part of yourself who’s been taught wind, storm, and turmoil are required to live a comfortable life? Haven’t you suffered enough? Aquarius 1H: (Pluto in 1H) - vitality and life force, core identity, the lens you see your life through (esp w/ planets here), how others see us and how we present ourselves consciously and unconsciously, appearance/style, the circumstances life brought you into and themes which play out around it (has more to do w/ parents and family dynamics) —You’ve been a lone wolf for a hot minute now—With so many outers hitting your angles for decades, you’ve found a bit of schadenfreude in the world waking up and realizing how fucked up everything’s been. But in a strange turn of events, said world’s now standing awkwardly on your doorstep, especially for those w/ other placements in Aquarius. You’re being recognized and vindicated for what’s been denied to you.

But if you’ve been sabotaging all this time, you may take any life or behavior adjustments you’ve felt prompted to make as an invitation for more rejection and ridicule. Because Pluto’s going to energize any generational planets you have here (or have transited), all of your actions have radical potential—but it’ll be up to you to decide if they’ll aid or hinder you. If they’re moving you forward (w/ Neptune in Aries hitting your 3rd), you’ll be able to transmute your self-consciousness of feeling othered into self-actualized power. If not, you’ll truly be rebels without a cause—feeling more lost than ever before. Especially for those of you w/ Scorpio placements. Pisces 1H: (Pluto in 12H) - what’s hidden from us and the unseen (including enemies), the unconscious, hospitals/mental institutions/jails and hidden but very present structures of life, isolation and sanctuary, foreign lands, spirituality, sabbaticals, unconscious wounds, where we undo ourselves, large animals, circumstances before birth which affect the native in unseen ways or were present —You have the opportunity to set things right but it’s going to require you do a little forgive and forgetting, wiping the slate clean, or whatever necessary to heal the wounds of alienation and scrutiny many of you have experienced w/ the Aquarius outers transiting and/or occupying your 12th. Because this is the house of self-undoing and unearthed psychic trauma, there’s a lot you’ve been processing. Many of you have a bad habit of wearing your wounds without tending to them properly or detaching and letting them fester in private—And the first new and full moons in Aqua over the next several years will help you realize just how debilitating that’s been. You don’t know who you are unless you’re impaling yourself on something–because deep down, you may find suffering to be necessary or it gives you purpose. 

But your 12H in Aqua being hit with transformative Pluto is going to make you aware of how much this cycle is the result of you being emotionally neglected in some way, shape, or form. Especially for those with personal or generational Aquarius planets, it means that you found refuge in alienation and being on the outside looking in. But Pluto here can operate as a catalyst for rich and profound spiritual and emotional growth. But this planet here is double edged—Either you’re going to learn that you have an identity outside of the outsider or you’ll let it push you further into the void of detaching and expecting the worst because the worst is what you’ve always had to endure. Don’t do this anymore.

[andy-wm]

Jungkook's GOLDEN moment

Or, the media journey of our Golden Boy's debut album, and what it all means.

This post grew out of a question that popped into my head a couple of days ago.... "what are we really getting on 3 November?"

Sometimes ADHD is a blessing. Other times it's a curse. It all depends on your perspective.

I was going to write a few words - just share an idea - but part of my day job is getting the facts right (and doing the research and validating information) so what started as a quick idea has grown into a long, long story.

As I said, ADHD can be a blessing. I may have resorted to cutting my own hair yesterday because I keep forgetting to make an appointment with the barber, but I can go without food or sleep if something sparks my curiosity. And this has. And the good news is, I'm sharing all that with whoever wants to read it. The other good news is that fortunately, hair grows back.

So I suggest you either grab a snack and get comfortable, or skip to the end to read my conclusion. Because in Tumblr, as in life, my ability to talk nonstop for hours about random shite is unmatched.

Where did all this begin?

When did we first hear about Jungkook's debut solo album? I believe the original announcement came from the annual forecast/investment report documents, which I found out about via tw in May this year.

Jungkook's album was officially forecast for release in the fourth quarter according to the HYBE and Hanwha Investment report.

We were all thrilled and excited! I certainly was.

JK's voice is the aural equivalent of an ice cream sundae - refreshingly cool and softly warm, and multi-layered with all the fancy toppings. He can do pop-sugar sprinkles, he can do fancy slivered almonds, he can do spicy peaches in brandy, lit on fire.

His voice flows into your ears, sweet and hot, just like him.

It was good news but not surprising. Because by the time that report came out we had already had albums (or news of albums) from Hobi, Namjoon, Jiminie and Yoongles. We had figured out they were all going release something. It would have been odd if Jungkook DIDN'T join his bandmates in this. ARMY knows he's a prolific and talented songwriter from way back. He's been writing and producing songs for BTS's albums from as far back as 2015. With instant ARMY favourites like Still With You, Decalcomania, and Your Eyes Tell to his name, Jungkook's album was an exciting prospect.

In June and July, rumours about the album surfaced:

On 4 June, Korean news website Sports Chosun, released an article about Jungkook's debut album - claiming the release date as 14 July. The article toted an English song on the album as 'a huge hit'.

BigHit responded, slapping the news website on the wrist and stating that THEY would make announcement when the release date was confirmed.

ARMYs and everyone else lit up the ether with chatter about the announcement, but where many news sites were simply regurgitating the Sports Chosun article, we were wondering where they got that information, and why they were talking about this English song being a hit as though that would be something new for a BTS song.

Um... do you know BTS?

Fast forward to 14th July... and the release of SEVEN (ft Letto).

A single, not an album, but it was HUGE.

Most ARMYs loved it but some were shocked... at the revelation that their darling Jungkookie is in fact a horny young man who enjoys pleasures of the flesh. And thank god he does, honestly, because the thought of his youth and beauty being wasted on abstinence is devastating to me. He works too hard not to enjoy a good fuck - hopefully seven days a week.

We all know the explicit version had a few people clutching their pearls and petticoats, but on the whole the reception was good. SEVEN (ft Letto!) sailed majestically to the top of the charts all across the globe and settled in alongside Like Crazy as a long term resident on the Billboard Hot 100.

Jungkook travelled abroad for the promos (with Jimin) and sang his song everywhere from New York to London.

But he also visited us, often.

He made time to chat for hours with ARMY, telling us how much we mean to him, and how he has decided to trust himself, and how he hopes WE would trust him too. He told us over and over that he has decided to do what he wants. That this is what he wants. That he hopes we love it.

It was clear he was having a lot of fun with SEVEN.

The MV, and the making of the MV, were a hit in themselves, and we got to see JK's acting chops (clearly SO MUCH better than Yoongi's he told us).

And then came more news about the album...

It wasn't long after that, only three days in fact, before another article about his upcoming album surfaced. This time it was on the (apparently very factually reliable) music news site, Hits Daily Double.

The article sat strangely askew for many ARMYs. For OT7 fans of BTS it felt more than a little off.

From the opening sentence...

Jung Kook's "Seven" f/Latto (HYBE/Geffen) set records in its first 24 hours on Spotify.

...to the brazenly competitive comparisons with BTS and the other members achievements, the tone of the article was smug and divisive and frankly not very Bangtan.

For a short puff piece, it managed to put a good half of the fandom's nose out of joint. I have no doubt that was the intention, that it aimed to sow dissent and push JK ahead of his members in ARMY's - and the world's - eyes. We weren't mad at JK - far from it - we could see right through the writer's intent. And we knew who was behind it...

Enter stage left: The Villain, Scrotum Balls

"HYBE Chairman Bang Si-Hyuk's trust in HYBE America CEO Scooter Braun is continuing to pay off. Braun found the song and connected Jung Kook with the Grammy-winning Producer of the Year he reps, Andrew Watt."

Did SB write this bollocks himself?? What a twat, seriously.

But wait, there's more...

"Those involved with Jung Kook's forthcoming debut album, which will be an all-English effort, are very bullish on the project and see it as a pivotal moment in the BTS solo campaign. Jung Kook's embrace of sexuality and profanity is giving new life to BTS fans..."

This is where it all starts going a little pear shaped. I can almost see the smile melting off Jungkook's face as he read this article.

Not a word about the themes this album would explore, or the music itself, or even a word from the artist. Just SB crowing about the 'project' that those involved were so bullish about.

In other articles on this site from the same time, Jungkook is referred to as an alumnus of BTS, and the erstwhile bandmate of V. Both of these terms insinuate that he has left BTS, which is very misleading.

At that point, some of us were very worried. It was starting to look like Jungkook himself was the project - a little project for SB to use as a self promotion tool. The sacrificial lamb he was going to offer to the gods of commercial radio and the plastic world of pop stardom to redeem himself for the absolute fucking mess he made when he tied up his label's artists with red tape and held them hostage.

Did anyone watch the movie TAR?

Spoiler alert, but the main character Lydia's attempts to regain her influence after she destroyed her own empire, are not dissimilar to SB's. The only way she could rise from the ashes after figuratively burning her house to the ground, was to reinvent herself in a new environment. She started over, with her trademark ego-driven confidence not dented in the least, believing herself the ultimate maestro as she took on a new project to mould into her image of success.

The parallels are uncanny.

Moving on...

Suchwita with Jungkook was revealing, in that it revealed nothing...

Specifically the nothing that had happened with the mini album!

Jungkook said he hadn't started working on the album, he was still searching single #2. He said after the second single he would release a mini album in November.

"Are the songs for the album ready?" Yoongi asked.

"No" replied Jungkook, "I have to start working on them now."

At the time Suchwita was filmed, Jungkook had yet to start working on the songs for the mini album he was due to release in November.

In a previous Weverse live he also said he hadn't started working yet. He had no songs. The extended break was so good that he would have been happy to keep resting, until SEVEN came along.

Confirmed in the AUDACY interview in NY:

In his interview with Audacy (recorded around 14 July in NY) Jungkook's message was consistent with what he said to Yoongi.

There were 'no specifics set yet' when asked about an upcoming album... certainly no mention of ALL ENGLISH SONGS.

When asked "How do you want to make your solo work special and unique to you?" Jungkook responded that he didn't want to chase anything. That he 'wants everything to become special naturally, because he does his best.' He says SEVEN wasn't released because he had specific plans, it just happened. He wants the next song to come along naturally too.

That's a very different message from the brash, aggressively confident stance taken in the Hits Daily Double article - I think we we can safely assume they were SB's words - and it's also not shining a light on SB as the hero of the moment the way the article tried to do.

Jungkook had either not been briefed on SB's vision for the album, or he wasn't on board with it. Either way, the album was not mentioned again until early October.

Let's return to Suchwita and to Tae's interview.

*this is focused on the conversation about JK's album, no disrespect to our smooth operator.

"This album is the last solo album," says Yoongi.

When I watched this episode I first thought Yoongi was talking about the order that the Suchwita episodes were filmed, when he said Tae's album was the last. He clarified in the next sentence that he was talking about the release date.

"You're the last one," says Yoongi.

&lt;<Wait... so what happened to JK's album?>>

"That's right. I feel so much pressure," continues Tae.

"Everyone was like, I don't want to be last," laughs Yoongi.

What Tae says next is pivotal:

"But if I didn't like it, I wouldn't have released it. I would have said I'm sorry, but I can't."

Oh really?

So THAT'S AN OPTION? He could say "No, I don't like it so I'm not releasing it."?!

They go on to talk about promotions for all the members and how they differed, as though everyone else has done all the promotions they have lined up, but all I can think about is...

Did Jungkook say NO to SB?

Maybe he hadn't agreed to anything when that Hits Daily Double article was published. Maybe SB shot his mouth off before JK had even listened to the songs he was proposing. Jungkook told us he's doing what he wants to do.

Maybe Jungkook didn't like the songs, or the direction the album was taking. Our Jungkook can be stubborn and he knows his worth. Maybe he said he didn't want to be SB's little project?

That would explain why we heard nothing else about his *All English*mini album. Between July and the announcement of the release date in early October, there wasn't even a whisper.

On 3 October, Hits Double Daily released a second article:

The tone of this release couldn't be more different from the first article.

No mention of SB

No mention of ALL ENGLISH

Jungkook is suddenly back in the BigHit stable, whereas before he was being associated with Hybe/Geffen

The source is clearly stated as BH

The forceful language of the first article is notably absent. This piece is purely factual, short and to the point.

Tags for this article are: JungKook, BTS, GOLDEN, BIGHIT. Compared to the first article which was additionally tagged with HYBE, Geffen, Scooter Braun, Bang Si-Hyuk, Andrew Watt.

This sentence: Jung is known as the “golden maknae” (“golden youngest”) of BTS. Suddenly Jungkook is back in BTS (as opposed to an alumnus of BTS). His status as the maknae also firmly grounds him in his Korean roots, a fact which was hardly mentioned in other articles. (and they got his name wrong ffs...)

There's also the MAJOR fact that unlike SEVEN, Jungkook is performing the debut of this album in Korea, not in the USA. That also says to me that SB is not involved (or less involved).

Other evidence of Jungkook's autonomy in this, is his unexpected performance of Still With You at the GCL concert. You could tell he was nervous, he lost his performance presence a little - standing awkwardly with his hand on his hip - and I think it was because there was something more at stake with that performance. All my fingers and toes are crossed for it's inclusion on the album.

Where does that leave us with GOLDEN?

My conclusion is that there has been some level of disagreement between SB and Jungkook about the album. And that Jungkook has stood his creative ground (YES!) and put some distance between himself and SB.

I fervently hope this is true.

Remember that Yoongi said Jungkook is the most talented musician he's ever met.

Yoongi, who I would trust with my soul even if he had horns and called himself the prince of darkness.

well that picture's kinda hot!

...

...

...

(I lost my train of thought thinking about Yoongi with horns)

Yes, Yoongi said that.

Yoongi who works with dozens and dozens of musicians including 6 of the most successful artists in the world...oh, and PSY.

The suggestion in the first article - that Jungkook's debut album was being designed with strategic market-oriented goals in mind - was so disturbing, when we know what a brilliant artist he is.

Sure it would be advantageous if Jungkook could access the networks and opportunities that come with an association with SB.

But if having an introduction to SB's circle means he's handcuffed to the strategic vision of a person who sees music as a corporate commodity, and Jungkook as a project, I truly hope he said 'I'll pass thanks.'

And let's not forget the album went from being a mini album (2-6 songs) to ELEVEN songs. In my minds eye I see Jungkook saying 'you think I can't come up with a whole album in two months? Hold my beer.'

Jungkook doesn't need SB to be successful...

He is after all...

THE GOLDEN MAKNAE

Here are the sources, if you want to see where this info came from...

[maculategiraffe]

okay spoilers for the little girl who lives down the lane (1976) but here's what had happened: this little girl's dad was terminally ill and her estranged mom was abusive and her dad was worried that when he died she would either go back into the care of her abusive mom or into the foster system. so he was like okay honey listen. you're a smart girl, you got a good head on your shoulders. here's what we're gonna do. we lease a house, the rent's paid up for the next three years. I'll leave you a big pile of traveler's checks in a safe deposit box in the bank, joint account with both our names on it where you're authorized to make withdrawals. I'm going to check tide charts and then go drown myself in the sea so they'll never find my body. and you just pretend I'm still alive to everybody in town so they won't bother you for the next three years until you're old enough to (unclear. not need a legal guardian? I don't know what the emancipated minor laws were in 1976 but they keep saying three years like that's the magic timeframe so whatever. she is thirteen so I guess when she's sixteen she's officially a grownup). and if your mom comes sniffing around just put a spoonful of powder from this little jar in her tea and then read this textbook on home embalming. good? good. okay I love you I'm going into the sea now

which is all fine and good. now here are the dumbshit mistakes her stupid father made:

-chose, for the location of the house, a nosy small town where everybody knows everybody and everybody is all up in everybody's business all the time. it takes two seconds for the landlady to be like I never see you or your father at the market. I get he probably doesn't want her living in a big city (although, why? good public transport, good cultural opportunities, libraries, museums) but at least pick a place that has more than one grocery store

-chose, for the landlady, a nosy obnoxious anti-semitic old bitch who is on the school board and also has an adult son who is a known child molester. have like ONE conversation with the townspeople before you sign this three year lease. literally anyone in this town would tell you about this old bitch and her molester son if you gave them half a chance

-speaking of the school board why is part of the plan that your daughter doesn't go to school. sure she's super duper smart and special but aside from depriving her of a major source of automatic social support not going to school immediately makes her look suspicious and (depending on truancy laws in 1976) possibly puts her in the wrong side of the law. just let her go to school like a normal kid and then come home and teach herself quantum physics in the evenings

-doesn't teach her the slightest bit of common sense self defense. like if it was me I'd teach her to shoot and give her a nice little lightweight handgun of her own but if you don't like that idea then at least teach her to keep the door on the chain and not open the door after dark no matter who knocks. and for christ's sake warn her about halloween

-ya dingus

-come back out of the sea and explain yourself at once

-anyway little jodie foster is fantastic and so is her little manic pixie dream boyfriend and so is his check suited cop uncle. great movie but the father is a dingus

[crippy-tangerine]

-> We are kind of imploding right now excuse us-! This is basically just a ramble/vent about personal medical stuff (diagnoses/misdiagnoses, ableism, trauma, etc.). Feel free to skip this 👍 (/genuine).

Not to sound like we are in denial about being diagnosed with FND, but the way we’ve been diagnosed with it just feels like a dismissal of our physical issues that we categorically could not be consciously/subconsciously creating (which is what we’ve been told we are doing, and is why we “have FND”, allegedly). Like the hypermobility issues we have always had, the gastrointestinal issues and diagnosed malabsorption issues that we’ve had since we were 6, and the chronic pain and fatigue that we frankly refuse to even consider we somehow “fabricated” (which is so shitty to even have said to us but whatever).

No amount of “subconscious” creating of symptoms would make us able to keep up gastrointestinal symptoms for that long beforehand (we allegedly got FND when we were 16 because that’s when we noted our pain levels getting worse, which is such bullshit because it was such a throwaway sentence in our notes and now we have this massive diagnosis based on it, which ignores everything fucking else, but ok!!), or make our joints overly flexible so we can lift our feet to the top of our head or pop our shoulders out of their sockets at command, but again, whatever, the people who’ve known us for 30 minutes obviously know better!! (/heavy sarcasm, but also /not exaggerating- the guy who saw us literally read a summary of a few of our symptoms, checked our reflexes and went “yep it’s FND, ok, that’ll be almost a month’s worth of your money please!” like oh….. fuck you, actually.?).

And yet- we have been officially diagnosed with FND today, it’s on paper. And that makes us (me?) so ridiculously angry, because the process of earning this diagnosis has been a series of medical traumas, dismissals and frankly a lot of ableism. At this point, genuinely do not care for the input of anybody other than us on the subject of our physical health. Or mental health actually. Any aspect of our health. Just feel so dehumanised all the time (we have had alters born from specifically that feeling because it’s been so fucking extensive). We have been poked at and prodded, mentally and physically, on almost a weekly basis for the last five years. We are so, so tired. Absolutely fed up. Unfortunately we do not have the privilege of being able to survive without medical-system supports in place though. So all we can do is just,, engage on a surface level and refuse to give any extra information than we are required to. Except we will have to give extra information literally tomorrow if we want any actual help for our physical health (that we apparently should just “do CBT” for (if he had bothered to ask anything about us he would know we have had around 4 different courses of that therapy, and it makes us even more unhinged because apparently nobody knows anything about autism????)). Actually going to become an eldritch horror over this.??

We have many choice words about the medical system here, and how it functions in general, so you can imagine that our words are even less kind for how they treat disabled people… 🙃.

Just frustrated and livid at everyone in the medical system even if they’ve not personally wronged us,, because hahahah trauma!!! (We are aware not everyone who works in medical care here is evil incarnate we just cannot afford to give people the benefit of the doubt anymore.)

*screams in “unable to advocate for ourself and nobody else knows enough about us to do it for us”*- like we type real well on here because we have the time to draft, edit, rewrite 5 times, reword again and then finally post a semi-formed thought?? In person there’s this pressure to give responses in a matter of seconds or you’re told you’re being difficult/slow/whatever else people want to throw in your medical chart to hang over you for the literal rest of your life.??? Just. GRRRRR. Going to try and write something up semi-formally tonight before we explode all over the place like a rage-balloon.???

[thesweetestdevotion]

can you do a seokjin future spouse reading?

thanks in advance

Hi!

BTS Jin Future Spouse:

Dice: 5th House, Mercury, Capricorn

Tarot:

Personality: Temperance, Queen of Cups, The Lovers, Six of Coins, King of Wands, Knight of Swords

Looking at their dice and their tarot, I think this person may be slightly older or just have a mature energy about them. I think they are very skilled and could have a significant voice or talent that sticks out. They are creative, reserved, mature, successful, and generous, I think they are also very loving and they could have significant water sign placements in their chart. Their personality is well a balanced, they know when to have fun and when to be serious. They’re not the type to overindulge or be too extravagant, but they’re also not stingy or closed off either. I just feel they’re very mature and grounded while also being very in tune with their emotions. The lovers tells me that they are very gracious and courteous, they like to collaborate with people and they rejoice in being accompanied by friends and loved ones. King of wands is a creative and authoritative energy, they are self assured and confident, very fiery and exciting. I think they could be very good at communicating and they love to express themselves creatively, i think they are also in the entertainment industry.

Career: King of Swords Reversed, Six of Wands Reversed, Four of Wands, Judgement, Seven of Coins, Six of Swords, The Wheel of Fortune

Like I said i think this person is in the entertainment industry, specifically also a singer or just someone who uses their voice and skills creatively. 5th house can also be the house of actors so it could be that as well. However in terms of their current career i see they’ve had to put a stop to it for some reason, or there is an obstacle in their way at this time. I think they are very successful don’t get me wrong, but they are currently dealing with some circumstances. Judgement could speak about them being judged by the media for something, there could be some controversy related to them that has put them in this stagnant energy. With the king reversed here I’m getting they haven’t been able to materialize their ideas and are just left to ponder the work they’ve done up until now. Six of swords is about leaving as well, so maybe they are trying to find a way out of this situation. With the four of wands I’m getting they constantly work with other people, they love to collaborate creatively and bring things to life with others. They appreciate all they’ve built so far and are sort of waiting for things to get better before they can continue on their career journey. They love their work and this stagnancy has put them in a difficult position both mentally and physically. The wheel of fortune tells me things will blow over and there is a possibility that it will get better. Im seeing its a karmic thing, not necessarily something very bad, but we all experience those eras in our life where we have setbacks, this is honesty giving Saturn return energy so this person could be around this age, which is also around Jin’s age so makes sense!

Their Relationship: Justice Reversed, Eight of Wands, The Star Reversed, Ten of Wands Reversed, The World, Eight of Swords, Knight of Wands, Two of Coins Reversed

I see that the issues in this persons career also seem to affect the relationship at this time. I do feel they know each other, now about them being together… i don’t see that it’s an official thing, maybe they are skirting around each other lol. I t feels like there is something here that doesn’t allow their feelings to materialize in the way they want it to be. I do feel good feelings between the both of them so it’s more of an external thing. They have issues with balancing their priorities right now, and there is something that is bringing fear and hopelessness here. They really seem to want to make this work but things aren’t going in their favor at this time. This energy also feels mature in the sense that it’s likely they have known each other for some time, it’s a slow burn typa deal hehe. They see each other as endgame but they just don’t know how to get there. There’s a lot of love and passion here though, they also might only be communicating or interacting online? Or over the phone, cuz there is some distance here. Overall i do see they’re working it out, finding ways to not exhaust each other while also keeping the spark alive amidst the chaos around them. They’ll figure it out hehe. I think they’re very cute, it’s just that the stress and difficulty can get to them. Since they are so mature and well evolved i don’t think these circumstances are enough o break this connection, it’s very strong and they have a lot of trust in each other!

How they’d meet: Strength Reversed, Six of Cups, Eight of Coins Reversed, Three of Cups, The Tower, The Moon Reversed

Ok i think they met because they were introduced to each other in some way, there was probably people around too. Like a party or gathering. I think they were younger too! Six of cups is nostalgia so this happened some years ago if you ask me. The moon reversed tells me they were revealed to each other by a third party, maybe they had heard of each other but never met in person. i think since they knew of each other they probably built some idea of what the other person was like and when the y finally met its like all their expectations crashed down. Im ngl this is giving love at first sight! I don think they knew to call it love then, but there was magnetism and they instantly felt comfortable and safe with each other. I think there was an instance where they joked around or acted a little goofy, maybe a joke was thrown around and they had a laugh lol. I think this might’ve been outside of work? Or even before Jin started working! Maybe it was before he became part of the band officially, it could’ve been a business party or during training? But definitely a long time ago, pre-debut era. This relationship sort of changed their whole worlds, like a destined sort of thing that sets you on a whole new path, they just didn’t know it at the time. But i think when they look back now they see that this meeting was some sort of catalyst. They look back on it fondly hehe, i think they might refer to it constantly like inside jokes and stuff. You guys this is so soulmate coded 😭 I’m so happy for them lol!!

Overall they seem so good together, they might be one of my fav couples I’ve read for so far!! Hope you guys like it!! Xoxox

[torrtimandi]

My first Justice show... July 11, 2024. Les Déferlantes, France.

That day didn't start so great. On my way to the festival I got stuck in a terrible traffic jam because of a truck fire. I spent more than an hour in the middle of the French highway in the hellish heat of the south, which obviously pissed me off. Here I am traveling to another country to see my favorite band for the first time ever and suddenly some damn accident is going to prevent it when I'm so close?! Well, obviously I was overreacting at that point, we still had plenty of time to get there, my friend reassured me it's gonna be okay but the doubt of getting close to the stage was pretty high, and that's what I'd counted for from the beginning. The front row.

Soon the traffic was moving again and we arrived at the festival about an hour before Justice. Another band was still playing and my friend and I started to smoothly sneak through the crowd to get closer to the stage. There were a lot of fans of this band, Sum 41, around us, which was a good sign that the crowd would thin out as soon as they finished playing. And that's exactly what happened. The show ended, a lot of people left and suddenly the dream of being in the front row became a very reality...

From then on, the excitement was off the charts. Everyone here can guess how fucking crazy I am about Justice, and my friend @/lesreptiles, who was with me, is as crazy as I am, if not more so. Of course we grinned, we laughed a lot, commented on every detail of the stage and screamed when we saw Gaspard's mop of curly hair behind the stage a few minutes before the show started.

But the real excitement and madness was just about to begin... As soon as the first notes of the intro played, we went into a trance. We screamed, we shouted, we sang, we danced, we jumped the hell out of it. Sometimes it feels like Gaspard and Xavier are barely visible because of all the lights, but the truth is that they see the crowd very well and they always judge their performance by the crowd's reaction, and that's what I kept in mind. I just wanted to show them how fucking much I love their show and their music, how deeply it's rooted in my heart that I was able to sing every fucking line, that I knew every single played note. And I like to think they liked the sight of it, because sometimes it seemed like Gaspard was staring right at me and my crazy friend, sometimes even smiling...

The very end was just as crazy as the show. Of course it was sad to see the guys already finish such a wonderful show that seemed to go by too fast, but at least they always make sure to say goodbye properly. As always, they walked to the front of the stage, waved hands, bowed and walked down to the crowd. At that moment I managed to touch Gaspard's soft hand... I also quickly took out my Hyperdrama CD, which I'd brought along just in case. I think Gaspard would've almost missed it, but one of the security guys actually pointed at me and so Gaspard turned to me again, took my album and pen and nonchalantly took off the cap of the pen with his fucking teeth right in front of me, holy fucking shit, oh jesus... And just signed it and handed it me back. I yelled merci, which I doubt he heard, and grinned and looked with disbelief at my friend, who also managed to snap a quick selfie with Gaspard. Then Xavier finally came to our part of the row and I successfully tried to get his signature as well. He came over, signed Hyperdrama and that was it. I was officially dead. Not only did I manage to get a signed album, I was actually the one who got their signatures and that's the most important and precious part, that's what I'll keep in my memory probably forever.

Then they just came back on stage, they hugged each other very nicely, Xavier pointed at Gaspard, they waved their hands and bowed some more and that was it. The real end... I'm not even sure if anyone will read all of this, this review is getting quite wordy at this point, but I just wanted to share all of my huge emotions and feelings that I'm so grateful to have experienced. Justice means a whole lot to me, my blog and my writing shows that a little bit, and it was my very first time seeing them. My first time in France, my first concert here, my first Ed Rec act show etc etc, just a lot of firsts that I'm sure I'll remember for a long time and I'm sure I'll grin just as much while remembering it as I did during the whole live show that was truly an amazing and mind-blowing feast, both visually and sonically.

Thank you for reading it and most of all thank you to my dear friend who accompanied me last night. Me coming here, seeing Justice and having a front row wouldn't have been possible without you. Truly the best concert buddy right there!

[thoughtlessarse]

It has been over 50 years since the first cases of mpox, the disease formerly known as monkeypox, were discovered in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Mpox is related to smallpox, and causes symptoms similar to but milder than its once-feared relative, which was eradicated in 1980. For decades, mpox outbreaks were self-limiting, resulting in a few hundred, perhaps a few thousand cases in regions that are endemic for the disease in West and Central Africa. However, in 2022, a global outbreak led to close to 100,000 cases worldwide, transmitted primarily among men who have sex with men, and through sexual contact. This was a departure for the virus, which until then was known to be largely transmitted from small mammals to humans in forested locales, with limited human-to-human spread by close physical contact. A disease ignored by much of the world until then shot up the charts in the attention of public health officials everywhere, gaining notoriety among politicians and the general public, particularly the LGBTQ community. A vaccine for smallpox made by a small company in Denmark, Bavarian Nordic, was deployed rapidly in the United States and in other rich countries affected by the outbreak. Within a few months, shifts in behavior by gay men, and perhaps a little help from the vaccine, brought the outbreak under control, though cases erupt from time to time still in the United States and elsewhere. But in September 2023, less than six months after the World Health Organization called the acute phase of that outbreak over, a new outbreak was starting in DRC. And it continued throughout the rest of the year into 2024, with now close to 20,000 cases reported and close to 1,000 deaths—all likely to be grossly underreported due to the weak health infrastructure in DRC and surrounding countries. The global outbreak in 2022–23, by contrast, caused only about 200 deaths, with the clade—or strain of virus—responsible for this new outbreak historically being thought of as more lethal than the 2022 variant. As of mid-August, two cases of this new strain have been reported globally, one in Sweden and another in Thailand. The relative rapidity with which the international community responded to the 2022–23 outbreak stands in stark contrast to what has happened now with a severe outbreak roiling through Africa. It’s hard not to think that this has everything to do with who has been hit hardest; white people in high-income countries in 2022, black people in low-income countries in 2024. But in addition to the continuing colonial and racist forces at work in global health, it’s also important to realize that whether it’s Covid, H5N1, or mpox, there isn’t a lot of appetite for confronting public health problems until they are impossible to ignore—whether at home or abroad.

continue reading

[teriwrites]

about me: a writeblr re-re-re-introduction

Hello! My old pinned post is officially over a year old and makes me cringe whenever I'm on my blog, so it's time to freshen things up again!

me

I'm Teri, I'm smack dab in the middle of my 20s and figuring out life. My writing is pretty exclusively original stuff, a lot of novels and a lot of fantasy, but I play around with various genres in short stories. Sort of a jack-of-all-trades in regards to hobbies - aside from writing, there's anything from baking to drawing with my ancient art tablet to cross-stitch to playing music to rambling around the patch of woods near my house to watching long-form D&D let's plays.

my goals

I recognize that every time I post something like this, it's with the intention of finally becoming as active on writeblr as I was during the pandemic. I also recognize I've never quite managed that.

So here are some more general goals to get me through 2024:

Finish my 2nd draft of Beyond Alder Creek

Write as cringey and brutally honest as I never allowed myself to as a teenager.

Speaking of, a large reading/writing goal of mine is to go back through every NaNo draft I've ever written (I've participated since 2011). So aside from just reading that and likely turning it into a whole spectacle on here for people's amusement, generally just survive reading through the writing from 8th grade. Stay tuned for more on that in the coming weeks lol

Finally, I have a general goal every year of reaching 100K words, between writing and editing and the like, but I'd happily be a little looser with that goal if it meant getting through others.

And now, without further ado:

my writing

Before I get specifically into WIPs, a general overview of the kind of writing you can expect from me:

As I said, I'm a fantasy nerd. I love worldbuilding, both on a large scale (nations and cultures and political relationships) and a small scale (a magic shop in an otherwise contemporary setting).

There's not a lot of romance in my writing, but there Are a lot of transformational relationships and codependency. Friendships, siblings, guardians, general ride-or-dies.

Thought experiments. I've been trying to catch and indulge more in my 'wait, what if?' ideas. Sometimes, that's fun little snippets of silly ideas, sometimes it's a majorly emotionally heavy scene for a story I'll never write. Sometimes, it's coming up with ideas to 'combine genres'. It's all about expanding the range.

wips*

Beyond Alder Creek /// draft 2 /// tag: bac

Winnie Pewitt has never believed in the fae. That is, until her little brother disappears, and she stumbles upon a faerie ring on the edge of town. Inside, a man seemingly carved from gold suggests that he knows who took the boy. With everyone else around their hometown accepting her brother's fate as certainty, Winnie takes it upon herself to craft the perfect deal and enter the realm of the fae with her new companion in tow.

The Lies in the Legend /// draft 1 /// tag: litl

The fictional autobiography of an elven noblewoman who rose rapidly in station and influence from an unremarkable youth to a diplomatic powerhouse. Spanning centuries during the prime of her life, Lady Ghislaine Agassi charts the course of her career and reputation, and highlights the dangers of making myths out of our idols.

*Though these are my primary WIPs, I have a page that covers various other WIPs and projects that I've brought up over the past few years.

I think that about covers everything! As always, I can't make any promises about how the year will wind up and where it takes us. But I will say, I've actually been writing recently, and yk I'm just gonna ride that high.

And for fun, here's some random facts about me:

fun facts

I have degrees in psychology and music!

I've lived across three continents, but currently live in upstate New York for whatever reason lol

The animals I've ridden on the back of include: horse, pony, elephant, and ostrich. The horse was my least favorite. By far.

I got diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes a couple months after Covid landed stateside (in May 2020) and am Always ready to talk someone's ear off about it.

The first story I ever wrote was on PowerPoint and was about war breaking out between humans and aliens that had taken refuge on Earth after their planet was destroyed. I was 8. There was a Lot of Clipart involved.

I've never been published, but I once secretly planned out, wrote, edited, and self-printed a couple copies of a novel about my best friends and our college apartment. They received it for Christmas last year and loved it (or at least were kind enough to tell me they did)!

[stuck-on-boops-alt]

so uh litg volume 13 happened..

I still like Hamish, but the spark is gone I'm afraid... I will just blame it on the writing lol

spoilers below and mostly rants, so if you're up for that, read on!

My thoughts on the talent show.. of course it was boring. I just sped through it most of the time. Hamish looked cute with the dog ears, but hhh the dog training part was so weird wtf. I was so shocked like.. 😧😧😧 I mean I think the writers thought it was funny, I guess? I had secondhand embarrassment for Lyn and Hamish, watching it unfold. 😂

The romantic gesture was uh.. it was cute? But.. paper airplanes again?? Really??? And the stuff that LI likes about MC are uh.. I swear they're so banal. I think it was just the merging personality thing because if it was specific for the LI, Hamish's writings on the papers would be something about their whacky shenanigans like the popcorn thing, their random banters and MC being someone that he feels safe to open up to-- not these generic-ass compliments. But yeah, I guess they were lazy to write something that isn't applicable for ALL the LIs 🤷🏻‍♀️

Eddie is still Eddie. I ignored his stinky cheese hair in all the episodes.

Now, I have to talk about the worst part of it all. I don't wanna be fucking reminded of the Sienna thing. It's sooooooo lame. The devs probably thought "oh we're going to make it seem like the s8 thing again where the LI comes in with Sienna BUT the twist is it's actually BELLA who is just the host! No one would expect that! We're going to sUbVeRt their expectations!” All I felt during that part is please get this over with. I don't need this. Get me outta here. End my misery 😭😭😭

Though.. I kinda wish they revealed more about our LI's birth chart. I was actually very curious and that was the only thing that piqued my interest.

Welp.. at least my mc Lyn and Hamish are finally and officially together. That cliffhanger tho ahaha.. just let Lyn say yes already gdi.

It's Season Finale next week. After that, goodbye forever LITG. I still might think about you from time to time. I still might draw something when I get nostalgic, but I will stay away from the game for good.

edit: I forgot to mention that I also hate how they brought Angie into it. What do you mean she and Sienna are besties? SHE WAS MY S4 MC'S BESTIE!! AND SIENNA AS MAID OF HONOUR OVER HER OWN SISTERS??? WHAT DO YOU MEANNN??? Sienna wtf stop stealing everyone. Your birth chart must be so whack 😭