#our boy knows how to accessorize y'all

[hopesallwegotleft]

Chapter 11 — Bloodbath

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 7

Rating: Explicit.

‼️TW: Reader is EIGHTEEN! Recreational drug use, smoking and alcohol consumption, deeply internalised self-loathing, very questionable moral standards. Daddy kink taken half-seriously. BDSM themes in later chapters - explicit content will come with it's own TWs. FIRST PERSON POV. There is violence in this chapter.

Summary: You're Peter's classmate, a child of rich and famous but uncaring parents. Getting paired up for a lengthy project with the boy was an interesting turn of events and you don't know whether to feel blessed or cursed when you develop, seemingly, a perfectly normal, harmless crush on Tony Stark. Fueled by feelings of inadequacy and boredom, your life spirals out of control - and you're lucky your newfound friends are there to pick up the pieces even if you cannot find it in yourself to believe these amazing human (and not so human) beings voluntarily give you more than a fleeting glance and an offhanded thought. And they brought cake!

A/N: *chants* BRUCE FLUFF BRUCE FLUFF BRUCE FLUFF. *sings* they're ain't no big thing just show them a little swing. Beneficial Cucumber. Author's notes are spoilers without context at this point... Y'all-

My beta, @miscmarvelwritings . We make the best duo. I am her dumb of ass and she is my gay. I love her.

Tony was elbow-deep in a robot when I came out of the elevator, Peter holding up the spare part needed, hovering next to the engineer. Without preamble, I was directed to help and dutifully fulfilled Tony's requests. Nothing indicated that my evening stunt ever happened besides Pete's faint blush; I might as well have written it off to the tank top hugging the upper part of my body in all the right places.

I was disappointed, I won't lie to myself - I expected Tony to tease me at least a little bit, snark something vaguely lewd and move on. But the engineer was quiet today, eerily so, almost to the point where it seemed he was ignoring me on purpose. My pride didn't let me begin any of our usual banter so I frowned in silence, making the appearance of a very focused person. Bolts and screws - most interesting things in the world!

As usual, I clocked out first around eleven thirty, leaving Pete and Tony some time to discuss their secret science stuff. Usually I would be exhausted by this point which left little to no room for jealousy but that night, emotions hit me like a freight train and it took me every ounce of my willpower to head out to Bruce's for the inevitable "I'm disappointed in you/Fuck safely" round of brainwashing.

My brain kept returning to the downwards tilt of Tony's mouth and the somber mood around him. I hated seeing him so...unhappy and tense.

The moment I set step in Bruce's lab, I saw the man's back hunched over a tube, I felt the same energy coming from him. What a fucking day! The sigh that left my mouth was resigned. "Bruce?"

A couple of seconds passed before he turned. He attempted a smile but it didn't reach his eyes at all. "Hi, Princess."

I cocked my head in defeat. "If this is the part where you lecture me, let's get over it. Or even better, you say nothing and we carry on," I pursed my lips, inspecting my nails in favour of actually facing the scientist.

I heard the click-clack of his instruments being placed on the table and the soft taps of his shoes against the tiled floor. His arms reached around my shoulders before I could even attempt to pull away, one of his broad palms tucking my face into the crook of his neck.

"I'm not mad, baby girl," He told me quietly.

I felt some of the tension dissipate, wrapped my arms around him, coming to a realization the man was all but melting into me.

"Just stay safe, alright? I don't want you to get hurt," With the same quiet tone, Bruce gently shushed my worries away. "If something is wrong, you can come to me. You know that, right?" He sounded painfully hopeful as he withdrew just enough to capture my face in his hands, forcing me to look him in the eye.

Something about the look in his eyes made my heart ache. I didn't have the heart to refuse, nor did I want to, so I nodded. Promptly, I was embraced yet again, his lips resting on the crown of my head, both of us swaying gently.

I've never wanted to cry so badly in my entire life.

"I'm a fuckin' mess, Bwucie, you haven't got a clue what you've gotten yourself into," I settled for a round of self-deprication instead. Bitter as it was, it was the barenaked truth.

"Then you're a beautiful mess," I could feel the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. So I smiled, too, obscured by his lab coat.

As much as I didn't want to leave the embrace, like, ever, I had to get home before one o'clock - before mother went to bed, zonked out on Valium and Ambien from the endless supply closet courtesy of my dad. "M'hafta go home," I mumbled.

Bruce sighed deeply. "I'll grab one of Tony's cars and drive you," He went over to remove his lab coat as I gaped. "I'm a forty-five year old man, I can drive." He chuckled humorlessly.

"Tony won't mind?" I asked the first question that popped into my mind to attempt dispelling the awkward moment.

"Trust me, he won't mind at all," Bruce mumbled darkly. I wondered what's up with that but the immediate future for me was already planned out: I was really looking forward to going home, crawling into bed with my clothes on and having a good old fashioned cry.

We made quick work of locating a set of keys and peeling out of the garage in Tony's shiny Audi R8, tires squealing on the wet pavement. It had stopped raining sometime during my robot building but the city was still filled with puddles. I could smell the moist, decaying leaves through the tiny gap of the window, the city was drowning in autumn like I was drowning in my own cluelessness.

The adrenaline rush, the weight of Tony's foul mood, the grief and pleading that radiated off Bruce mixed into a horrendous cocktail of misery and pain. Too much pain for my little, weak, dumb heart to handle. And all these people out in the streets, dressed to the nines despite the disgusting weather - laughing, hugging and drunkenly giggling, it was like salt on my wounds, rubbing it in how much of a good time they were having.

"This your house?" Bruce pointed at the black, high gate of the entrance to my garage.

"Yeah, it's a bit much," I nodded absentmindedly, seeing Bruce's eyes bulge at the sheer size of my estate. My mother wouldn't settle for any less than the best so having a monstrously huge (for NYC) home was what she got. Dad just signed the checks.

Bruce hummed.

I made a face, reaching for his warm hand and giving it a squeeze. "Thanks, Bwucie," Smiling at him, I used up the last of my good mood to show the gratitude he deserved.

He pulled me into a tight hug right over the middle console. It wasn't comfortable by any means with the numerous buttons and switches poking at the soft of my stomach but there was nowhere else I'd rather be than in his arms during that moment. The breaths that left me felt like they were punched out of my chest cavity by steel-toed boots.

"Good night, Princess. Sweet dreams." He kissed my cheek, lingering just a tiny bit.

I did the same, rubbing softly against his stubble and giggling at the ticklish sensation. "Night night, Bwucie."

I waved at him again as I unlocked my front gates and watched him speed off from behind it, obscured by the shadows of the decorative trees growing right behind the fence.

Bruce's face had morphed into something akin to torment or suffering the moment I disappeared from his immediate eyesight and it baffled me to no extent. I ransacked my brain left and right, searching for a reason I might have inadvertently caused him to feel that way but found none. The only logical reason was that he was just lonely. He didn't have many friends from what I gathered and if judging by the proud tone in which he spoke of Will-Mr Davies today, he desperately needed some other company than his teammates. I wish I could have helped.

Mother was nowhere to be seen when I entered the house so a beeline for my bed was successful. The ugly, loud, dry-heaving sobs weren't in any shape or form attractive or acceptable to show to anybody but me so when they forced their way out of me, the pillow keeping me company. I cried as for everything that was happening to me as much as I sobbed because of the self-pity I was indulging in.

It was pathetic, really. My mother would scoff and my father... Well, he'd offer me to 'cheer up, throw a party, do normal teenager stuff'. The bottle of wine I kept in my closet was empty in no time: I justified that as a single lady in a big city, I was entitled to relax once in a while.

Who was I lying to? I downed a bottle in twenty minutes just so I could fall asleep and begone from all this bullshit for a while.

On Monday, I anonymously submitted the documents pertaining to Thompson's behaviour to the school board and to a local newspaper that was known to dabble in socialite gossip. Next day, an investigation was promptly launched and important-looking people started to appear in the hallways, going in and out of the principal's office. Flash was pulled out of class by two police officers: at this point, half the student population was unashamedly filming it on their smartphones, me included. With grim satisfaction, I sent the video directly to the group chat with an added message of "so long, fucker".

Steve didn't even remark on my profanity, just sent a thumbs up.

It really fuckin' blew up the next morning. The news was plastered across every paper, every social media site - "Midtown Principal's son arrested for grand theft auto and assault", "Midtown Principal Being Investigated for obstruction of education" and other ridiculous headlines that had me, Bucky and Natasha in shit-fits.

Flash returned to school on Wednesday accessorized with a pretty ankle monitor and a sullen frown. During lunch, he sat only with two of his closest minions instead of the chatty group he was usually seen with. Everybody avoided him like the bubonic plague, even teachers ignored him.

With the final bell, me and Pete went on to look for Happy outside the school territory.

I was spending nearly every evening at the tower either in Tony's or Bruce's lab or sandwiched between Wanda and Bucky on the couch, gossiping while TV shows mutely played in the background. I had found a second friend in the face of Winter Soldier who, much like me, spent a lot of his days occupied by the internet or in a general state of confusion. Bucky was charming, funny and very flamboyant. I enjoyed the no-nonsense attitude and zero fucks that he gave the world in general.

The moment I stepped on the other side of the gate, I immediately knew something was wrong. Peter squirmed uncomfortably beside me, looking frantically in every direction, trying to spot Happy's car in vain.

"Ay, Parker," The familiar obnoxious voice of Peter's bully reached our ears. "You wanna tell me how you got your grubby little hands on that file?"

Thompson had brought back up with him, the idiot that he was. He was standing off to the side, leaning against the fence while five older boys surrounded us in a tight circle.

"Leave us alone, Flash, you're already in trouble," Peter tried reasoning with the bully meanwhile I... I was searching for a cleaner, dryer spot to dump my $1500 bag onto in preparation for the inevitable. I was no stranger to swinging my arm - as a frequent house party guest, I've had to fend off enough unwelcome advances. I've been told I have a mean, mean right hook.

"Bold of you to assume Peter would actually steal something," I stated in a bored tone once my bag was out of the way and Pete was standing securely behind me. I wasn't afraid of Flash, mostly because I knew he'd step back for the fear of retaliation from my family was usually too much.

"Oh, look at that, the weirdo is talking," Thompson mocked, getting up and standing right in front of my face. "You know, I don't get why the likes of you have to go to school with us, normal people. See, Peter here might be a little wimp but at least he won't shoot up the whole school one day because his daddy didn't love him enough," Thompson decided to test his luck. To finish his epic tirade with a flourish, he spat on the ground next to me.

I snorted. "Wow, that's an awful lot of smart words for someone as dumb as a doorknob," I shook my head in disdain. "Look, either you go now or I'll sue you so far up your ass, you'll be sucking dick in prison just to get something to fill your stomach with." And wow, that comeback was really, really good. I was proud of myself.

I saw pure rage mar Thompson's already ugly face into something demonic and ducked at the last moment, feeling the blunt sting of his knuckles connect with my left cheekbone. Reflectively I swung, too, decking him straight in the nose with all the rage and despair that was burning deeply inside of me at that time.

I heard gasps all around me as the students whispered, shouted and cheered at Thompson's confused form hitting the ground. He held his face and his palms were stained a deep crimson; I felt something warm on my face, copper in my mouth.

"Does anybody want some of that, too?" My tone was icy. I shrugged off the hand that landed on my shoulder, glaring down one of the boys who came with Thompson.

"Shit, cops, RUN!" One of the students suddenly shouted and just like that, both me and Flash were surrounded only by a handful of students who had filmed the entire incident on camera. God bless technology!

"Uh, I think you're bleeding," Pete timidly remarked from behind me, hand still awkwardly outstretched towards me. He cast a guilty look to the side where Happy was running towards us, phone held to his ear, no doubt already on the line with Tony and the rest of the Avengers. Shit, fuck, SHIT. I didn't plan for this!

The police officers called an ambulance for Flash and took my statement while I was holding my bleeding nose up to the sky, much to the officer's dismay. Happy had passed the officer his mobile phone and I briefly heard Tony's voice saying that I will be taken care of in the tower's medical suite - and let's face it, no cop will go against Iron Man's charm and wit.

As an eighteen year old, I could refuse the on-site medical assistance that the city provided and my parents weren't required so I was let go after my statement was taken and my injuries photographed.

Not that the photoshoot really was required. Multiple people had the incident on video, from multiple angles. It was an open and close case. I called my mother in the elevator (she didn't answer) and left her a voice message with the bare facts of the situation and my current whereabouts.

Seeing the whole team assembled in the living room, some nervously twitching, some anxiously pacing, I couldn't help but let out a slightly hysterical giggle. "Oh my god, guys, I'm not in a coma, stop acting like I'm in a coma!"

Bucky was the first to approach me, carefully hugging me and steering me towards Bruce. He looked a bit rough, green-ish? I guess. But the first aid kit was already on the table and Stephen Strange was hovering nearby.

"You decked the sucker real good, doll," Bucky's Brooklyn accent made his speech less intelligible but he definitely got all the cookie points for the heat and the passion.

"Ditto. Should've kicked him in the balls, too," Natasha smirked and Steve mirrored her smirk with a darker twist.

"I'm going to sue him so darn far up his ass," Tony seethed, looking absolutely livid.

"Don't worry, mother's got it handled," I obediently laid down on the couch, staring up at Bruce's wide eyes and Stephen's focused face.

"You are fearless and fierce, dear lady," Thor boomed from somewhere.

All of this was making me... Emotional. I just punched a piece of human garbage, it was not a big deal, okay? He had it coming. I chuckled uncomfortably, wincing when Bruce began dabbing at the dried blood on my face with a piece of gauze soaked in alcohol. "Petey, you alright?" I asked, worried about the sudden onset of silence from the usually chatty boy. He mumbled something. "Speak up, I can't hear shit with all the ringing in my ears."

That earned me a worried look from doctor Strange and a frown from Bruce.

"I should've protected you-I mean-it's not that you can't do it yourself, or because you're a girl, it's just-I," he suddenly stopped.

"Go ahead, kid," Tony urged him with unmistakable kindness in his voice.

"You see, I'm-I'm actually Spider-Man and I'm afraid to accidentally kill someone, 'cause I'm really strong." Pete blurted out.

I had to replay his words several times in my head to get to the gist of what he was actually saying. Shy little Peter? Spider-Man? So that's why he was such a fucking pacifist? I mean, it made perfect sense if he really was strong enough to lift cars and hold together collapsing bridges like I'd seen on YouTube.

"Huh," I stated after a brief pause. "I guess I did double the work today, dumped out some trash and prevented a potential murder. I'm on a roll and I deserve chocolate cake," I rambled to distract myself from the incoming dull headache and the sting of the alcohol against the split skin of my cheek.

Strange chuckled, looking, possibly, the happiest I've ever seen him. Bruce giggled too. A tiny bit.

"Friday, order the biggest, most expensive chocolate cake that can be delivered in... Two hours," Tony immediately spoke up.

"Cake," I mumbled happily, a strange drowsiness overcoming me, making my eyelids droop. "Hey-mmm, doc?" I slurred, seeing Stephen's face fall. "M'think m'concussed, f'king 'ell!" The snort that left his mouth was absolutely hilarious; I started giggling, too, startling Banner into action.

He picked up his phone, saying something I didn't understand at all.

"Y'kno," I had this totally bright idea I absolutely NEEDED to share with everyone. "Y'kinda look like the guy... Wha's'is name... Bendy-snap Crum-ble-sticks? No, wait," Snorts and giggles began to resonate through the room as the amount of Doctor Stranges suddenly multiplied by two. He was a WIZARD, that was so cool! "I think... Mmm, yes... Benadryl-Claritin? No-no-no, 'das meds," Woah, a lot of people were there and they were suddenly all laughing. I wondered what was so funny. It was hard to think with so many people laughing; my temples were pulsating uncomfortably. "Wait, I know, I know!" There were wheezing noises now, noises that distinctively reminded me of Tony and Wanda and Bucky. "Bubble-butt Coitus-snack!" I triumphantly exclaimed, finally happy to have gotten it right.

The laughter turned into truly demonic cackling, surrounding me, they were so loud I almost managed to get fully afraid. And then, I passed the fuck out.

TAGLIST IS OPEN Y'ALL.

@another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem

[lovelylunarwriting]

Gryffindor!Mingyu & Slytherin!Minghao

Gryffindor!Mingyu 

Has a yearly tradition of buying one of every single snack when the lady with the cart of goodies passes him on the train 

He's not wizard born, both his parents are muggles, so his first year he was like "weird looking/moving food? Sign me tf up" 

It's been tradition ever since 

Let's be real it's the main reason that Soonyoung and DK sit with him on the train rides 

Once during the prank war between Gryffindors and Slytherins (see Hufflepuff!Joshua and Slytherin!Jihoon post to understand), Chan slipped him what he thought was a shrinking potion. •But in actuality it was a growing potion. 

So 6 foot tall Mingyu became 9 foot tall Mingyu 

The effects of the potion latest a week and Mingyu had to be excused from quidditch practice because he couldn't fit on the broom... 

Was peer pressured by Seungcheol to join the quidditch team and is like "mehhh" about it until you get the the quidditch game 

Then he's competitive and determined af 

The reason Seungcheol wanted him on the team is because he saw Mingyu sprint across the castle from the dining hall to divination because he lost track of the time and was gonna be late, and Seungcheol was like "if he can run that fast for that long, how fast do you think he could fly??" 

The answer to that is pretty damn fast as they both found out at tryouts 

He ends up becoming one of the chasers for the Gryffindor team 

The only thing Mingyu had to practice a lot to get good at was catching the freaking quaffle because he's a clumsy giant and kept dropping it accidentally 

Mingyu: *drops quaffle from 100ft in the air* 

Seungcheol: "gOd dAMn iT, go get it!!" 

Is dorm roomies with Seungcheol and very happy about it 

Just came here to have a good time and learn magic n stuff but Seungcheol and Vernon are always dragging him into their messes 

Seungcheol and Vernon are always tryna prank the Slytherins but Mingyu just wants to live in peace and not be targeted for revenge 

It's hard for him to stay inconspicuous when it comes to pranking because he's really freaking tall (he literally stands out of a crowd) and has like the worst poker face. Precious tol bean 

Mingyu: *walks into the dining hall with a really awkward/uncomfortable smile* 

Chan: *blows whistle* "TAKE COVER" 

All the Slytherins duck under their tables and then the cakes that were on those tables explode 

Seungcheol and Vernon just look at Mingyu with the most disappointed look 

They learn to stop including Mingyu if they want to be successful 

Anyway moving on 

Every year, the new first years are kid of wary/cautious around him because he seems like a tall, intimidating guy 

But then he runs into a pillar or almost falls off the moving stairs and they're like "oh. he's fine" 

Generally a tall innocent meme who just wants to live peacefully but... naw lol his clumsiness and friends liven up things 

He enjoys it and appreciates them but he won't say it directly 

He'll bake Seungcheol and Vernon cookies or some shit and they're just so skeptical about it 

Vernon: "did you poison these? Have we personally wronged you somehow? Idk what it was but I'm sorry please don't kill me with these" 

Seungcheol: "no no I don't think that's it, he would have nowhere to hide our bodies. I think he did something wrong and we're gonna lose house points or something so he's trying to get on our good side before it comes to light" 

Mingyu: "wow I literally just made you cookies and I've been personally attacked. I'm gonna eat all three dozen of these with the Hufflepuffs, they're way nicer than you guys" 

Seungcheol: "Mingyu we're sorry come bACK" 

And Mingyu does come back and the positive vibe is restored via eating cookies and goofing off, what these three do best 

 Slytherin!Minghao 

Was really psyched to go to a wizarding school because he didn't have any wizard/witch friends growing up 

Until he got on the train and saw Vernon try to snort smarties because Soonyoung told him "it's a thing the muggle kids do" 

Minghao was freaking out on the inside like "dear god... They're idiots... I thought wizards would be more mindful people like me..." 

So he decided to keep observing the people on the train before actually initiating a conversation with anyone 

He sat down in an empty seat and started 'reading', but he was actually listening to everyone interact and figuring out who he might be able to tolerate for the next seven years 

The thing that got him to finally decide someone was okay to talk to was when Seungcheol accidentally elbowed Jun in the face as they were passing each other in the narrow hall of the train, and Jun started swearing in Chinese because ow 

Minghao looked up from his book so fast he got whiplash but was like "HIM. IT HAS TO BE HIM" 

Minghao's thinking "we can talk shit about people right in front of them and they won't know what we're saying" (honestly, friendship goals) 

And he's also thinking "if I have a friend that speaks my native language, maybe I won't feel so homesick" but he doesn't acknowledge that feeling because he's tryna be tough 

So Minghao walks over to Jun and is like "you okay?" in Chinese and Jun is just like !!! New Chinese buddy?? 

They sit together and by the end of this train ride they're close friends and have talked a lot of shit. About eVeRyOnE except that one kid Joshua because like they tried to find something bad to say about him and literally couldn't?? Like why is an angel on this train?? 

They gossip lightheartedly, obviously they're not really hating on everyone 

They're just being like "how many times do you thing Vernon will silently stare at Seungkwan until he stops talking and pays attention to him" 

Casually blunt observers 

Turns out Jun and Minghao both planned to try out for the quidditch team even before they got to Hogwarts 

The Slytherins captain at the time was like "listen all you people wanting to try out, it's not gonna be easy" 

The people who really wanted a position on the team were the ones who stuck through all the tough drills and training 

And the only two left in the end for the two open spots were Jun and Minghao 

Minghao earned the position of beater (not even a little surprised) and Jun was made a Chaser 

The literal definition of resting bitch face. He does not look approachable by any means if he's by himself 

He also looks really stylish in his robes by adding accessories and doing his make up real nice, etc. But to some people that can be a little off-putting because wow?? This person has their shit together enough to accessorize?? I sure don't.  

So that adds to the 'unapproachable' vibe. 

But when Minghao is talking to one of his friends, he has the cutest happy expression on his face 

The kind of loving look that everyone wants someone to look at them like that 

At first everyone thought that Minghao and Jun were dating because they spent so much time together 

When someone nosy *COUGH CouGH s e u n g k w a n* asked them about it, it ended up a lil something like this 

Jun: "you think I'm dating Minghao? I have standards, don't kid yourself" 

Minghao: "why would I date the moron who's probably backhugged every other boy in this school. Do I look like the kind of person to settle for an idiot like that" 

Jun & Minghao: *shrug at each other, fist bump, and walk away together* 

Seungkwan: "????? the fuck" 

So yeah they're not dating, just besties that enjoy roasting not only other people, but each other 

Because let's be real if you can't roast your friends, are you really even friends??? 

When it comes to the prank war... You do nOT want to go up against Jun and Minghao 

Because they only prank together and they have no mercy 

Like you thought Monsta X's No Mercy would make you cry?? Jun and Minghao's wrath is worse 

Y'all thought getting hexed by Jihoon was bad... At least that only lasts like 15 minutes, max. (Except for that one time... poor Seokin... but that's a whole other story) 

These assholes will prank you until you break and beg them to stop 

They will not stop until you admit that they win 

If you tell them they've won, they'll never bother you again. 

They don't do any really harsh pranks, they just keep bothering you incessantly until you give up 

Jun is mainly the execution of these pranks, and Minghao is the brains behind it 

Moral of the story, don't try to fuck with them

Minghao's favorite class is Care of Magical creatures and I will fight anyone who disagrees with me 

He tries to be cool, like "hmm I'm a Slytherin, I don't care too much for this" but homeboy skips his classes sometimes just to go pet and feed the hippogriffs (catch me sobbing, what a soft cutie) 

If you ask him nonchalantly a question about a creature he'll pull up a projector and show you a PowerPoint full of fun facts about whatever creature you asked about, full of adorable pictures of said creature 

Even if it's a visually... challenged... deadass ugly creature, Minghao will describe it like it is the most precious thing and will convince you that it is precious. Because no one has the heart to disagree with this boy who's so excited about these creatures?? 

He is accidentally very cute 

Just wants to be seen as independent and manly but is a spacey and cute boy

[finchbeak]

Marrakech Travelogue: Day 3

This was not my usual day. When one starts out with their own personal driver taking them around to some of the fanciest and well heeled shops in Marrakech one knows you are in for something else.

As I mentioned yesterday, I had the good fortune of being hooked up with Richard DeMayo and his gang of Moroccan tour guides. Today I got Richard himself, in all his glory. He’s a character. Ya kinda have to be when you are the guy that helps furnish the residences of various Saudi Princes (I asked him to hook me up with a Saudi Prince, but then we both laughed heartily at the prospect. Oooh boy. Would that not work).

First stop: all things leather. Galerie des Tanneurs in Le Ville Nouvelle (this is the new part of the city, built by the French when they colonized Morocco). So. Funny thing. There is no such thing as copyright law in Morocco. I walk in and it’s like I’ve stepped into the bag department at Barney’s: Birkins. Le Sac du Jours. Antigonas. Boys. Kellys. Evelynes. I also came to realize that I know A LOT about fancy bags I can’t afford. And shoes. So. Many. Shoes. All in beautiful, soft leather. All hand made in the workshop downstairs. And all perfectly done. Copyright be damned- there is no way in hell I’ll ever be able to afford a $10,000 bag so I totally bought a knockoff. Two, actually. A Birkin. And an Evelyne. Both Hermes. Total retail if I bought them for real? $17,000. I have been coveting a YSL Sac du Jour since I was old enough to know what it was, but in comparison to the Birkin, that bag is attainable after a really good bonus with no more credit card debt. No fakes for me. I walked away with two insane bags, three pairs of shoes, and two cosmetic bags for $300.

Then antiquities! I did not buy anything at this store! It was like shopping at a museum. Every single piece was a legitimate antiquity, with some things dating back to the very early, early days of Marrakech. But what really caught my eye was a pair of gold earrings. With a giant emerald in the center and diamonds adorning the edges. I asked him how much, because why not? $27,000. I told him I’d come back with my rich husband. Inshallah, inshallah, he said, in response.

Richard then took me to a jewelry store that was more in my range. It was more vintage than antiquities. Lots of jewelry and trinkets and teapots. It’s run by a brother and sister who were a joy. I’m such a jerk, because I forgot their names, but brother took me around to show me various beautiful trinkets and teapots. I really wanted this gorgeous, silver, one of a kind tea pot, but it was over $1000. Not right now. Inshallah rich husband, etc, etc… but when I said what I really wanted were earrings and bracelets his sister lit up. She took me through a variety of cases and I immediately gravitated towards a pair of silver earrings (almost everything is silver) that were big, but not too big, and had this inlay of beautiful red glass. I picked out a few, but that first pair was the pair. I put them on and I kinda gasped. It’s like they were waiting for me. Berber made. (I later saw pieces that could have been part of a matching set at the Berber Museum. I did good.) South of Marrakech. Probably 100 years old. I then bought a Berber silver bracelet that was adorned with the Moroccan star. She also had me try on a variety of necklaces. Each one more beautiful than the next, alas, I was not in the market for a $900 necklace today. But I did get talked into a 1950s teapot.

Then modern Moroccan couture. And yes, tomorrow a custom fitted and accessorized (I wanted pockets!) jacket will be arriving by courier to my Riad sometime tomorrow. Along with a traditional-esque caftan.

Marrakech is filled with what I would call apothecaries. Herbs, tinctures, oils, potions, and lotions as far as the eye can see. But it is very, very hard to discern who is selling quality, real deal stuff and those passing off olive oil as argan oil. This is why you need a local, who is married to a Moroccan woman, to tell you where to buy the argan and prickly pear oils. I bought all the lotions and potions. Too bad it didn’t count towards next year’s Sephora VIB Rouge status.

And finally, the piece de resistance of my shopping day: the carpet shop. I didn’t buy a carpet in Istanbul because I could never be 100% sure of the quality. And I didn’t think I would be buying one here for the same reason. There are a lot of fake carpets out there. So when you have the opportunity to buy a couple of real, authentic, vintage/antique rugs? You make room in your budget. Because Richard buys from this shop (which is run by the Moroccan equivalent of a Babushka- and her attendants, all male, are clearly a little terrified of her) in mass quantities he would be able to negotiate down the price extensively. Richard told the guys I was mostly interested in vintage rugs. So they almost exclusively brought out “family rugs.” These are rugs that were made by one or several women in the same family. Each one unique. Each one with symbolism significant to that tribe or family. And each one tufted and dyed by hand. One of the rugs I ended up buying was the very first one they laid down. It wasn’t even a color scheme I normally like, it has pink in it, for chrissakes, but I just loved it. The guys probably brought out over 50 rugs for me to look at. I’d point and wave away ones I didn’t like, move around and touch the ones I did. Had it narrowed down to seven rugs after all that. Several were particularly unique, but part of me wanted something a little more traditional. So, y'all saw the pics, you know what I ended up with. And while I won’t tell you what I ultimately paid for them, I will say I managed to negotiate down the price for both of them for less than what either one cost on their own. And while it was a lot of money, these are true investment pieces. I see my niece or nephew inheriting them. They are works of art. And I love them.

I had the pleasure of spending the rest of my day with Mohammed, one of Richard’s handy guides. He actually joined us halfway through the shopping trip, but we went back to the Ville Nouvelle on our own. First stop: lunch at Grand Café de la Poste. A relic of French Colonialism. A bit of a French bistro with a Moroccan twist. Then off to beat the rain at Les Jardin Majorelle. I might have to go back there if I get sun in the next couple of days because the cloudy skies were not conducive to photography. But it was gorgeous. And so very Yves Saint Laurent- simple, yet chic and sophisticated.

And finally, one of the girls at the Riad made me reservations at Le Jardins de la Medina where I had an amazing Moroccan rosé and an even better tagine of lamb, honey, ras el hanout, almonds, and pigeon eggs. After dinner I wandered back to Riad Hikaya where I’ve taken up my perch in the courtyard.

Miles walked: Only 5.1 miles today Mint tea drank: a mere 4 glasses.