#ouija vents

[dollswan]

My genuine reaction to my mom deciding to neglect me because she has a friend over :

More venting below the cut , I ' m sorry , I ' m very stressed out

So our mom ' s friend , who I ' m going to call M , came over last Friday and has been here since . Ever since she showed up , she has been making things difficult for me .

Firstly , she decided that the fan in the room she was staying in wasn ' t good enough for her . So , instead of telling this grown adult woman to tough it out or maybe suggesting that she sleep in the living room where the AC is , our mother takes our fan out of our room and gives it to her friend instead . For context , we are a naturally very warm person . We have very high body heat , and we need a fan on us. Otherwise , we sweat a lot , and we are unfortunately very susceptible to sweat rashes . Despite being fully aware of all of this , our mom stole our fan from us anyway and gave it to M , leaving us with a fan that we could not feel even when it was less than a foot away from us . Since M has gotten here , we have formed a total of 4 separate sweat rashes .

On top of the whole fan situation , our mom has also been neglecting to feed us . This isn ' t refering to her not cooking for us as we are capable of doing that ourselves , but she just has not been buying us food . She has only been buying foods that herself and M enjoy , and unfortunately , a lot of those foods trigger sensory issues for us . On the other hand , even if I was able to eat the foods they were buying , I would not get the chance to because they have been so quick to eat any foods they purchased . There has also been a time where even THEY ran out of food because of how quick they are to eat everything they purchase , and instead of getting food for all three of us , our mom bought two meals , one for herself and one for M . All she bought for us was a single medium carton of chocolate milk .

Because of M being here , I have been limited to one single meal a day , and maybe a snack if I ' m lucky enough for my mother to order something for me . There ' s been days since M got here where I haven ' t even been able to have that one meal .

They have also drank all of my juice , they have eaten my stashed away snacks , I have nothing here to boost my sugars with which sucks because I have blood sugar issues , and our mom won ' t tell M to leave because " she needs company " .

Part of me feels guilty for complaining so much about M ' s presence , but I am barely able to eat because of her . I can ' t even ask our mom for anything because M tells her that I am " pushing her around " and tells my mom that she shouldn ' t listen to me . M has been encouraging our mom to pretty much leave us for ourself even though we have genuinely no way of getting food for ourself . We do not have our own money and we can ' t buy anything for ourself because again , we DO NOT have money .

I wish M would just leave . It has almost been a week , and I ' m tired of having nothing to eat and not being taken care of whatsoever because our mom is too busy focusing on her friend .

[fanciestghost]

tears for fears was right in naming the album "The Hurting" because i sure am hurting !!

[savage-rhi]

Fuchsia 😂🫂

[softpine]

"So... How do you rate our chances of survival?" "I'm trying not to think about it."

↪ Until Dawn AU

you should be able to follow this even if you haven't played until dawn, but i'm not sure anyone will want to read this lmao. major spoiler warning if you do! also since you're not supposed to say the monsters name and it was a bastardization of native beliefs anyway, i'm just calling it "the creature".

anyway, here's how the frozen pines crew would fare in until dawn...

Danny purchases an abandoned hunting lodge in Blackwood Pines. He hasn't gotten a chance to stay there himself, but he allows Asa to bring his friends up for a weekend visit as long as they check in regularly. Unbeknownst to anyone, this lodge was closed down in the 80s after a teenager (Finn) disappeared, and the team sent to find him was found partially eaten in the woods. Finn's body was never recovered. He's said to haunt the lodge ever since, chasing away anyone brave enough to step foot inside.

The group arrives at the lodge just before sundown. Alisa reveals that she brought her Ouija board, so they all gather around to use it – except Austin and Elaine, who are annoyed because they'd been the last to arrive and the cable car had gotten stuck, meaning they'd had to walk all the way up the mountain. They just want to relax, not taunt spirits. Asa mentions that there's a cozy guest cabin down the path where they could be left alone. Austin jumps on the opportunity, but Elaine is reluctant to walk even further, especially now that it's dark. Stevie picks up on her anxiety and argues with Austin on her friend's behalf. ("Why did we come all the way out here if you two are just gonna go somewhere else and bang?") Matt tries to diffuse the situation, but it just makes Austin more annoyed. He says he's going to the cabin whether Elaine comes or not. Elaine rolls her eyes but eventually follows him, though she promises she'll call Stevie once they're safe in the cabin.

As they're walking, Austin apologizes for getting angry and Elaine forgives him. They make it to the cabin without incident, but when she tries to call Stevie, she realizes she lost her phone. She wants to go back to the lodge, but Austin convinces her to stay and they'll look for her phone in the morning. This part follows the events of the game closely, ie. Austin starts a fire and they talk for a while. They start kissing and undressing, but are interrupted by a loud crash through the window: Elaine's phone. She thinks Matt and Stevie (but mostly Matt) followed them to play a prank on them. She flips out, yells at them from the porch, storms back inside, and... gets yanked through the window and is dragged away screaming. Austin grabs the gun off the wall and chases after her. POSSIBLE DEATH #1: If Austin takes too long, Elaine could have her throat ripped out by the creature. If Austin is fast enough, he'll follow her screams through the mines, finding her injured but alive. As he reaches out to grab her, the elevator shaft falls and she disappears from view. Either way, Austin will believe Elaine is dead. Stunned, he searches for who or what took her. He heads for the abandoned sanatorium in the distance, unaware of the horrors that await him.

Meanwhile, the rest of the group is finally using the Ouija board. Finn isn't responding with the planchette, but he's scaring them in other ways: making the lights flicker, random sounds come from the vents, and making himself appear in their vision for just long enough to think they've imagined it. Everyone gets scared, except Asa, who finds it intriguing. He goes upstairs on his own and tries to talk to Finn with compassion rather than morbid curiosity, but Finn isn't ready to hear it and he continues to scare everyone. Stevie is the most worried, especially because it's been a few hours without word from Elaine. She wants to go check on her at the guest cabin. Matt thinks this is weird and codependent, but after enough convincing, he agrees to go with her.

When they find the guest cabin, they see broken glass and blood everywhere, with the door wide open and the gun missing. They follow the footsteps until they reach a cliff. Matt knows he can safely climb down it because of his experience in parkour, but Stevie won't be able to. He tells her to use the nearby radio tower to call a ranger for help while he goes to find Elaine and Austin. Here, he has the option of giving Stevie his swiss army knife, or keeping it for himself. He makes his way down into the mines, until there's no more snow, thus no footprints to follow. That's when he hears Elaine screaming. POSSIBLE DEATH #2: Matt rushes to help her, but the screams were only the creature mimicking her voice. He's strung up by his neck and dragged deeper into the mine. If he still has his knife, he can cut the rope and survive. If he gave it to Stevie earlier, he will be defenseless and die. Either way, he or his body will remain trapped in the mines.

Stevie finds the radio tower. She successfully calls for help, but the ranger says they'll only be able to send a rescue team when the snowstorm subsides at dawn. She waits for Matt inside the tower, but he never shows. If Matt is still alive, his shoe will be tossed through the window, landing at Stevie's feet. If he's already dead, his decapitated head will be thrown inside. In both cases, Stevie is horrified and scrambles to call the ranger again to stress the urgency of the situation, but before she can reach it, the tower starts to collapse. She holds on for as long as she can. The tower crashes to the ground, trapping Stevie in between bits of mangled metal. If Matt had given her the swiss army knife earlier, she can use it to shatter a window and climb out safely. If she doesn't have the knife, she has to kick the window out, hurting her ankle. She decides she's done being a hero and starts running/crawling towards the lodge, bawling her eyes out.

Cut to Asa, unbothered, taking a bubble bath in the jacuzzi tub. Finn is leaving him alone, because even he knows there's a time and place for haunting people. Instead, he's focusing on scaring the shit out of Jada and Alisa, who have been wandering around the lodge searching for clues about its history. The basement is filled with animal carcasses in various stages of being skinned or stuffed that were never cleared out after the hunting lodge was abandoned. Jada starts to feel sick, but Alisa is fascinated and wants to keep going. Finn continues to scare them, getting more and more agitated the further the girls explore. He screams at them to get out, but they don't listen. Eventually, he becomes fully corporeal and begs them to leave, but Alisa notices that he's trying to prevent them from entering a small door at the very end of the basement. Naturally, she has to enter that door. She pushes past Finn and steps inside, though nothing could have prepared her for what she sees: A decomposed human body, mostly just bones, curled up in the corner of the room. He's wearing the same clothes as the ghost. She realizes the missing teen didn't die out in the wilderness on a hunting trip – he was killed by someone in the lodge.

Asa hears the girls screaming and hurriedly gets dressed (no anti-gravity towel for him, thank you), but in his haste to find them, he trips down the stairs and scratches up his face. He doesn't know what's going on and he's just plain scared, so he can't help but start crying. This is what makes Finn realize he doesn't want to hurt anyone and he doesn't want to be alone anymore; he wants these people to survive. He helps Asa stand up, which surprises both of them, because he didn't think he was capable of moving things in his environment without being angry. He says Jada and Alisa ran outside and he'll help Asa find them.

Austin flees the sanatorium, which was crawling with monsters and wolves (he was nice to Wolfie, don't worry). He catches up to Stevie in the woods. She sees a gnarly bite mark on his shoulder but thinks nothing of it, because she has no idea about the creatures and assumes it was some wild animal. If her ankle is hurt, Austin helps her walk and Stevie feels compelled to apologize for generally being rude to him. She doesn't hate him, she just worries about her best friend. Austin understands, but then he has to break the news that Elaine is dead. Stevie tells him Matt is dead too. (either, both, or neither could still be alive at this point, but they are always presumed dead). Stevie flat out refuses to believe that Elaine died, while Austin is defeated and believes they're all going to die tonight so there's no point looking for their bodies. Regardless of what Austin says, Stevie will leave him and go after Elaine herself. Austin continues towards the lodge.

Austin runs into Jada and Alisa next, who are stumbling out of the lodge, terrified. He yells at them to go inside. ("Whatever you think you saw in there doesn't hold a fucking candle to what I've seen out there.") They go back inside and lock themselves in a room with a weapons cache. Austin tells them everything he learned in the sanatorium – the forgotten miners who resorted to cannibalism, the monsters they became, and how the news covered up the massacre they caused. He says Elaine and Matt are dead because of these creatures, and Stevie will likely be dead because she ran off on her own. Jada wants to at least find Asa and let him into the safe room with them, but Austin says he's probably dead too (no one knows that Finn is watching out for Asa now). He teaches Jada and Alisa how to shoot a gun. It's while he's doing this that Alisa notices the bite on his neck. For an hour now, Austin has been stressing that these creatures were human once, but they became infected, dangerous and deadly, and he never mentioned that he'd been bitten by one. She screams for Jada to look at it, but Austin is quicker – he grabs Alisa tightly, covering her mouth. Jada is still holding the gun Austin taught her how to use. Even with a hand over her mouth, Alisa can be heard begging her to shoot him. Jada trains it at his forehead and... POSSIBLE DEATH #3: Jada can shoot Austin. If she does, Alisa will thank Jada for saving her life, and says that if they make it out of here alive, she'll tell everyone she did it in self defense. If Jada can't bear to shoot him, Austin will throw Alisa to the ground and run away.

But he doesn't get far. Right there in the living room, two creatures hang from the ceiling sculpture. Austin slows to a stop, holding his breath. It's nearly impossible for anyone to die here, as Finn will save them by creating a noisy distraction. Finn himself is only a visage, so he can't be harmed by the creatures which angrily circle the lodge for their prey. He suggests the only way to escape is by causing a gas leak and exploding the lodge with the monsters inside. POSSIBLE DEATH #4 & 5: If Jada shot Austin, then no one will be able to warn Asa that there are still people in the lodge, therefore Jada and Alisa will die of smoke inhalation in the weapons room. If Austin is alive, he does warn Asa (despite his anger about nearly being shot), and Asa instructs Finn to help the girls escape first. This leaves Asa (and Austin, if he's still alive), vulnerable to the creatures, meaning POSSIBLE DEATH #6 & 7: Asa and/or Austin can fail a don't move section and die. In the event that Asa dies, Finn becomes enraged and lights the fire himself, blowing up the lodge immediately and killing everyone inside, including the humans. If only Austin dies, Finn feels that he has failed, but he still makes sure Jada, Alisa, and Asa are out of the lodge before starting the fire.

Stevie hears the explosion and runs faster towards the mines, terrified at the idea of all her friends being dead. Elaine can't be dead too. POSSIBLE DEATH #8: If neither Elaine nor Matt is alive, Stevie will automatically be killed here, because she still isn't aware of the creatures in the mines and has no idea she needs to stay quiet and not move. But if either (or both) Elaine and Matt are still alive, Stevie finds them in the mines. All of them are in bad shape now, but they're thankful Stevie came back. They have to move very slowly. When they reach the edge of the mine, so close they can see the moonlight from the cracks, they're cornered by a creature. POSSIBLE DEATH #9, 10, & 11: If Stevie runs, she will die. If Stevie hides with Elaine/Matt and fails, Elaine/Matt will die. If she succeeds, they all survive. They stumble out of the mine just as the sun starts to rise over the horizon, the sound of rescue helicopters growing louder.

Much later, after the dust has settled, police recover Finn's body and lay him to rest. The investigation into his death has only just begun, but Finn isn't concerned. Because for the first time in as long as he can remember, he has a companion... In life or in death.

THE END.

please do let me know if you read this whole thing because you're officially my new best friend :') there's a ton more choices and branching pathways i thought about, but i figured this was already insane enough, so i tried to keep it simple fjksjds

[jackson-imbecille]

Fic masterpost sorted by recency. All are below 10k

Crushing an Egg (Mr. Lancer rushes into the school during an attack to find and rescue his missing student, he ends up rescuing the town hero instead. Gory description of serious injury)

A Change of Mind (Vlad realizes he no longer hates Jack Fenton. Art imbed)

A Complication with Evacuation (Danny can’t escape through the ghost shield during an evacuation so Lancer insists on staying inside the school with him to protect him. Reveal fic)

Purify & Infect (Maddie attempts to get rid of the ghost possessing her son. Read the tags)

Monster (Dan’s origin free from Vlad’s revision of the story. Dan is created and he is not mentally okay. Art imbed)

A Truce (Maddie offers Phantom a truce in exchange for answers)

Shield (Jazz protects her brother from their parents. Dissection fic)

Guys that Bind (Johnny fixes Danny’s binder after it’s ripped in a fight. Trans Danny fic)

I’m gonna store my drabbles in this fic (Two short drabbles, one about the unspoken knowledge the Casper High student body shares about a less than human classmate, one about Danny Phantom being dragged to a parent teacher conference by Frostbite)

You’re Just Bored (Danny has a complicated relationship with food. Vent fic)

I’m Okay (Danny tries to fix the portal. Corpse au)

Circuit Overload (Technus finds out why Danny is weak to electrical attacks. Surprisingly not angsty)

Jack Fenton Says Fuck (Jack Fenton goes off ghost hunting alone and comes across a battle between the Wisconsin Ghost and Phantom. Reveal fic)

Better (Valerie is working for the GIW as a capture agent after discovering the truth about Vlad Masters. She sees firsthand what has become of one of the ghosts she handed over to the GIW. Dissection fic)

Skeletons in the Closet (Jack’s brother visits Jack and Maddie and is concerned for the well-being of his niece and nephew, even more so when he discovers what the big project Jack was so excited to show him really is. Dissection fic)

Safe (A crow feels comforted while close to Danny, so much so that it neglects itself in favour of staying close to him. Animal death)

The Warehouse (Supernatural crossover. Sam and Dean overhear Spectra messing with Danny and talking about his home life. They offer to help him, human or not. My most popular fic)

Summoning (Blue Exorcist crossover. Danny is mistakenly summoned by a cultist.)

Ouija Board (Sam tries to talk to her dead friend.)

Alone (Ghosts don’t understand they’re dead and are ignored purposefully by the living. Danny comes back as a ghost and believes his family no longer wants him.)

A Shot Rang Out (Supernatural crossover. The Winchesters go to Jack Fenton to learn about ghosts after Jazz and Maddie are killed in an accident. Child abuse)

November Third (Supernatural crossover. Vlad is killed by Hunters.)

[livindedkenny]

My lonely little world

Lol fanfiction! Kinda a vent fic of mine and Damien is a bit of a self insert but just a silly lil guy

Don't expect a shit ton of updates bc I kinda just randomly came up with this idea on my own on my way home :p

I've never written fanfiction before so it honestly might be very obvious

Anyways, this fic takes place in 2008 and pip is 14. He ran away from the orphanage when he was 9. Damien is still in hell, however pip talks to him through an ouija board (this was inspired from a fic on ao3 where the same thing happened by emibug called solace and it hasn't been updated since 2021 come back plz pookie). Damien is a mallgoth. Pip has anxiety, he's not good in social situations. Idk how to do this help. If this is interesting someone who's good at writing fanfiction plz give me tips. I ramble a lot I just write what comes to my mind. This might be edited a lot.

Pip pov

It was a fairly warm and sunny day in the small town of south park. Pip had just gotten home from his job at the little bookstore up the street, relieved to finally be in his quiet little home off the backstreets of the town; a place where most of the misfit's resided. A place for pip and his lonely little world. He didn't have many friends, the few ones he did had either moved away when they were children or were always off with other people themselves. pip was the lowest of the low when it came to popularity the only other people who knew him were the ones he hated most. The ones who hurt him most and the only people who ever paid attention to him. He never tried to make friends though he was polite, always flashing smiles or giving tiny waves. He always stayed to himself, never wanting to bother anyone. He enjoyed it he enjoyed the quietness when he got home the quietness of the bookstore the quietness of school, but in all honesty it made pip lonely. All pip could wish for was for someone to pay attention to him, for someone to acknowledge him without it ending in him getting beat. Is that too much to ask for?

As pip made his way to his bedroom he began to remember his past friends. Gregory, Christophe, and this one other boy he couldn't quite put his finger on, when they hung out he'd always ramble about the music he loved and how cool some of the middle schoolers looked and how he wanted to look like them. A few times he'd pick on pip but never to the extent the others did. Was it Danni? Daron? He couldn't remember but he did know it started with a D. He opened his room door and plopped on his bed not bothering to even shower or change, it was a long day.

7 am

It was the early morning, the sun shined through onto pips face as he fluttered his green eyes open. Slowly making his way to the bathroom he saw something mysterious out of the corner of his eye, a black shadow ran past as the hall got cold. Pip stood stunned for a minute before mustering up the courage to speak a timid 'he-hello?'....no awnser. Instead of standing and wondering about the strange shadow he brushed it off and went on with his day. No entity was gonna ruin his lovely quiet life he worked so hard to achieve, where he could hide away from the scums of the earth , where no one could hurt him, where he didn't have to talk to anyone apart from work and school. His apartment was his hide away from the disappointed stares and judging faces of strangers on the street. Studying his face for what was wrong with him.

'ring ring'

Pip walked into the quiet bookstore, the smell of paper stinging through his nose. Walking into the backroom he saw a mysterious boy, he had black hair and red almost fire like eyes. He looked right into pips eyes and smirked before he disappeared. Then it hit pip, that boys name. Damien.

[talkingteardrop]

bagel appreciation post..

Bagel was one of the only people i spokento daily, whether it be on tumbr dms, magma, etc.

I loved him like a sibling, i was always there for them and she was always there for me..

i dont want to believe this is real. I want it to just be a bad dream..

Hes one of the few people who I roleplayed with

she let me vent to them and i let him vent to me

Shes one of the people i think about whenever im thinking of killing myself

We made so many things together, ships, ship kids, aus..

blogs

the ouija board blog? That was us..

pillow and book? That was us too

the goiky night funkin au, he helped me with that

he made solvin melodii

we made my kingdom au together

we made an au where blocky manipulates firey to let only him on dream island and they take over goiky

the ships we made together: Soggy Stories, Evolution, Bottle x Icy x Bracelety

Ship kids we made too: Whiteout, Paper Boat, Tide Pod, Sundial, Lemon Clock, Lead ore, Charcoal, Fire Spark, and probably more

i already miss him..

[a-glitter-menace]

*They lead Voyyd into a part of the-- No this was a hidden room. Fairy lights hung from the ceiling above and a small blanket tent made up of couch cushions, blankets, and chairs all holding it together. It was fairly big enough to fit at least three full sized adults inside. In a corner tucked away there was a pink mini fridge along with an electric kettle that sat atop it still filled with water. The Guardian makes a sweeping arm movement before turning to Voyyd with a tired smile. A secret hide away only accessible by the vents.*

How long has this place been here? Is this your little hide out? *Voyyd handed the Guardian of the House the ouija board again.*

[nancypullen]

Thursday

I’m trying to convince myself to paint the powder room vanity. I have everything I need, and it’s a small vanity and probably won’t take much time at all. I just can’t seem to get motivated.  I purchased paint from Heirloom Traditions.  It’s supposed to be amazing so I hope it lives up to the hype. You can check it out here: https://www.allinonepaint.com/ They’re always offering free sample pots, all you pay is the $6.99 shipping.  My vanity is small enough that one sample pot should do the trick. Most folks are painting dressers or kitchen cabinets, but my little job will be inexpensive and hopefully quick. The previous owner of this house apparently had a nautical theme in the powder room.  That’s fine, to each their own, but she glued everything in place. She had glued sea shells to the mirror, and worse, there was rope glued all the way around the ceiling. I was able to get the shells off the mirror and scrape it clean, but when the painters pulled that rope down (it was basically cemented on) it tore up the dry wall and made the whole room look shabby and awful.  I don’t need that little bathroom to be HGTV worthy, but it looked really bad.  That is why I was so thrilled when Mickey started sending me photos of his work while I was down in Florida. This is what it looked like at the top of every wall.

And this is what it looks like now, thanks to my hand dandy husband.

Those vent covers went back in, there are no gaping holes. Drywall addressed, trim added, ceiling painted...my hero!

He also removed the contractor grade mirror...

and touched up that wall.

No, there’s not an abnormality in the wall. There’s something about the lighting and the way it throws shadows.  It’s fine.  Just between you and me I plan to change that light fixture anyway. That faucet s coming out too. I have a couple of floral/bee pictures that I printed for this room. I’ve got my auction mirror as well. I’m heading in this direction.

None of those colors are exact, that’s just me playing with ideas.  But that’s the neighborhood we’ll end up in.  A cute little rug, a pretty soap bottle,and some contrasting hand towels (already have those!) and we can check another room off the list.  Hallelujah!  By the time that’s finished it’ll be gardening season.  I may have to ignore the inside of the house until fall. Speaking of things that need work, why is my hair the only project that’s never finished?  While visiting my mother I made an appointment for a hair cut.  I don’t have much faith in the hair community in Denton, so I thought I’d roll the dice in Florida. I gambled and lost. I don’t think the stylist believed me when I stressed that my hair is like a gremlin, once it gets wet all hell breaks loose. To her credit she listened when I said I only wanted about an inch off the ends.  The length is perfect.  But she tried to give me “face framing layers” and cut my hair like straight hair. You can’t do that.  There’s a process to cutting layers into my hair and it usually involves a Ouija board and a goat sacrifice. What is does not involve is sliding the scissors down the hair shafts to create feathery ends.  For me that’s a recipe for frizz.  It did not end well.  It took me two days to calm the beast, and of course one of those days was the big family gathering where loads of photos were taken. I’m always frozen in time with bad hair. At least I had makeup on.

It doesn’t help that I’m growing the white out (again!). I’m so over coloring my hair.  I’m hoping that by autumn (maybe our October trip?) I’ll have enough growth to get a good trim and call it done.  I wish I’d never colored after the first grow out during lockdown.  I bought into the whole “look younger” hogwash.  How about just looking healthy?  Authentic? Comfortable?  I’m not looking for a job or a date. I. am. free.  My hair is too. This was snapped on the morning that my sister and I flew out.  When we looked at this selfie we all moaned about wrinkles, hair, etc.  

But ya’ know what? We’re all grannies, and we’re healthy, and we’re happy. I’ll gladly take every crinkle and white hair (even those frizzy layers!) because they’re no big deal.  Gosh, people are dealing with very real, very heavy problems - who cares about aging? It’s a privilege denied to many.  I’m grateful. Now, after saying all of that - can you believe my mom is 87? She looks fantastic!  She can work circles around me in the yard too.  I hope I have a scoop of her heartiest DNA. Alright, I guess I’d better get busy in that bathroom.  I can’t finish until I start, right?  Can’t get to the fun stuff like pictures and soap bottles until I lay the foundation.  Guess I’ll turn on a murder podcast and make some progress. I hope you’re having a wonderful Thursday. If not, then treat yo’self!  A cookie, a new bottle of nail polish, a bouquet - any little treat can be a cheerful spot in a ho hum day.  You deserve it. Stay safe, stay well, be happy.

Nancy

[hatsunegarfield]

tumblrz cool cuz i kno none of yall kno me and the ones that do are too far away to gaf but man im abt to vent post on main

my god every night ive been dreaming of old friends. fully innocuous dreams, not of friends i had fallings out with but just those who drifted away. we go out to eat, go on road trips, ride roller-coasters and stay in cool creepy hotels together. they look the same age they did when we last interacted but ive grown. they know me, know the things we lived through together, the growth we've experienced together. im 21 now and so horrifically lonely that my unconscious mind is providing me with the only platonic connects ive ever known, the ones i desperately crave. they're such happy dreams, i wake up having enjoyed our outings til im brought back to the reality of it all. im not 16 anymore, we dont talk anymore. they dont confide in me anymore, laugh with me til their stomach hurts, quietly take in the scenery as we meander through spaces we obviously dont belong, learning, growing, seeing all that we can outside our scope. we arent sharing cigs or passing bottles on my back porch anymore. we arent middle schoolers sneaking boxed wine and messing with ouija boards anymore. we arent camping together, exploring together, learning together. but we still do in my dreams. we still get to be stupid teens and 20 somethings in my dreams.

i love my fiancé to death. he IS my best friend, my closest confidant, my 24/7, my everything. but its just not the same as having a friend. a best friend, who knows you inside and out beyond that romantic connection because they have seen you at your absolute worst. theyve seen you green out and smack your head into the corner of a wall at 14. theyve formed a barrier with their bodies in the PE locker room to make sure no one saw your body or your scars at 12, they posed for the cutest little picture of you in your halloween costumes together at 6, sitting in your kindergarten class. and we are all such different people now, and i miss them so dearly, but i know the distance was intended to be. but god i miss them so deeply theyve infiltrated my dreams and honestly i cant even be truly mad. as opposed to sleepless nights and physically torturous nightmares, im getting to be young again, with the people who knew me inside out and backwards, who knew me better than myself and loved me anyways. who ha# a much longer, much deeper, DRASTICALLY different connection to me than any romantic partner could truly have.

i miss them so badly. even the ones i resent for us falling apart, i miss them. i miss them so deeply that some nights the only place i feel at home is my own dreams.

i was warned adulthood would be lonely. i never bought it. i believed we'd be friends forever.

now im sitting in the bath drunk, posting on this hell site about how much i miss those i truly loved, truly adored, truly wouldve taken a bullet for.

god, GOD the loneliness aches in a way ive never felt before. please. please keep close to your friends. even dispite a natural, amicable distance, please check up on them once in a while.

my failure to do so has resulted in a pit in my chest that i dont think any therapy or substance could truly ever remedy fully. a deep ache that only really rears its head in my dreams.

please dont let yourself fade to nothing as i did.

[cybermoonmoon]

I wondered about posting but think I need to. It's so simple yet complicated. Human souls are like this. Put directly these last year's particularly this one has brought my mortality close to mind.

In 18 months, I've lost near ten friends in my age cohort. I say 'near' because some are on the verge. A 'FB' friend a week ago. Bless him. I happily admit this post is drama queerery selfishness, but one sees a pattern.

Long-term conditions ongoing. Diabetic kidney function chancy. I'm subject to every infection that knocks. Tho' they haven't told me directly...they never do. I must assume my immune system is south of poor. I ask for a ballpark figure on my game and get: "Oh don't talk like that or your very healthy for one your age."

Bleeping swell.

So not having a Ouija board I put it to several of the public A.I. sites. ...same thing. Input my age and conditions and got from all: "A diabetic patient of your age and symptoms has a life expectance of three to four years. Wait gets better. I then add my assorted recent events and "Door Number Three" sez: "Two years." I asked ten sites same number.

Don't start I 'know' this is digital fortune cookie stuff...but it's consistent. Add to it the concern I get from my doc and interns. They never spell stuff out, but I can read their eyes. This is 'not' my first rodeo. Younger I care gave for elder relatives I know the deal.

System holds it close 'Skynet' spells it out. So it averages into the middle...two to three years. More than enough time for a bunch of good laughs. So don't go nuts I'm still here...just more concerned than I was and needed to vent. Loves ya and is it alright if I have cake now?

[fanciestghost]

having a breakdown and waking up feeling better the next day is like damn, I shouldn't have done that but at least the stress is gone at the moment?

anywayz X3c !!!

[skadisprawl]

Why wait, get a ouija board and start your vent sessions now.

Tired and depressed and sad and mad

[punkpsychologist]

HELLO

AAA. OKAY. ITS BEEN A BIT. You know, I actually drafted this post before but my fucking power went out and I lost it. So here we go again.

Main parts of this motherfucker

where I've been

what happened (yes these are two different things)

where I'm going and how I feel about it

alrighty. so I successfully finished my first year of college at a community college near my home town. i worked asynchronously and was able to make it onto the dean's list again for the second semester!

so all of that was good and well but if you have read some of my previous posts you might know that there is a very specific Scholarship that i have been after. it was very important and was considered to be a deciding factor on if i would be able to go to a university and live in the dorms or not. i did not get the scholarship. my mother and i felt very confident that i would but it was very new and the school that created it had yet to really solidify how it worked and what it's requirements were. in otherwords, the prospect of the Scholarship was unstable from the beginning.

i never got any kind of email or correspondence that explicitly said that i would not receive the Scholarship but i found that it would primarily be given to sophomores. i'm a college first-year who is very close to achieving an associate's degree. my mother and i panicked back during my finals week over the Scholarship. after realizing that I would have a better chance if i had my associates, my mom and i made a plan to put me into a "maymester" course and to completely fill my summer with classes. if i was able to pass all of those classes, I would have my associates by august. now i mentioned that this plan was created during finals week, i was incredibly tired and my pms was putting me in a really bad space. i felt this kind of sense of hopelessness, like it all felt very fruitless. i was tired and i had been continuing on the thought that once i finished my finals that i would get to rest. after realizing how fruitless the effort could be, we scrapped that plan and opted to place me into a full load of classes for the second half of the summer, i was waaaayyyy more supportive of this. my classes begin on july 5th and im once again in the class of one of my favorite professors so we'll see how it goes.

it gets a little more interesting here. so i told you that i never was explicitly told that i was denied the Scholarship, so there was a period of time in the early summer where i was just kind of in this limbo of searching for answers. i was scrambled and panicked and felt rather hopeless. i need to leave home. it's not that my family is bad to me, quite the opposite. i am the only child of a single mother, my father overdosed on opioids when i was a toddler, and my mothers family stepped up to help raise me. i grew up extremely paranoid of people and was always very close to death-related situations. i was also sexually assaulted by someone close to me and couldnt tell anybody. i believe that i am a psychologically unhealthy individual. i have incredible amounts of empathy and sympathy for people, i am also extremely afraid of people. due to my anxiety mixed with my trauma and pms i go through phases of being paranoid and unjustly afraid of people that i love very much. the covid19 quarantine was the most enabling thing that has ever happened in my entire life. i didn't have to talk to anybody aside from my mother or leave my house. i made myself think i was safe and happy when in reality i was slowly allowing my anxiety to consume me. when i say this im serious, like having panic attacks in the grocery store because i cant manage all the people that i run into and lying to someone that i love very much because im afraid to go out and i dont know how to explain to him what exactly is making me act this way. i dont know how to function without my family, and they are all much older than me. i know they will die and i will eventually be left alone.

tldr: i need to be around people my own age and i need to be around them physically because my mental health has gotten out of hand

one of my friends inspired me to transfer to university a year earlier than initially projected. the Scholarship was needed to be able to go.

while in Scholarship limbo my mom straight up called me over and said "you know you're going to the dorms in the fall right?" and i stg its like i had a mini breakdown. AFTER ALL THAT FUCKING SHIT. I GET TO GO. I GET TO GO!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE DIDDN'T TELL ME EARLIER. THIS DID THIS WHEN I TRIED TO QUIT BAND IN HIGH SCHOOL AS WELL. MAN. I'm so happy, I can't possibly explain how simultaneously happy and afraid I am. Going off and to the dorms is the best possible outcome I could ask for but in yet it is the one that I feared the most. I wonder if this was her way of trying to get me to see how far I would go to try and scrounge up cash or if she wanted to see how devoted I was to the idea of university.

Either way. I have my dorm room and roommates secured. I was on campus a few days ago for an orientation. I also have a couple of friends as well as some organizations that I intend to join. For privacy purposes I still can't tell you all where I'm going or when exactly a lot of things are happening. I will probably upload pics of my room though.

If you're here, thank you. I hope you're doing alright, I genuinely hope anything youre struggling with becomes easier and that you find yourself struck with inspiration often <3

[actualdiscord]

It’s been a hell of a year (non-animated version under the cut!)

[hungry-and-scared]

Sad posting hours