#otp: we deserve a soft epilogue my love

[damnyoucully]

Everything reminds me of 4 Minute Window

“Steve wha- *thump* -mmmm”

[bayanation]

ocs as songs from evermore:

GOLD RUSH: lux potts + tony stark

“everybody wants you, everybody wonders what it would be like to love you.” — taylor swift.

[sail-not-drift]

Stucky Fic Recs

I’m waiting for my hair dye to develop and have also lost my mind to these two, so here, have some recs. All are amazing. The ones that make me FERAL are bolded, the ones that made my soul ascend have stars.

Dedicated to @neversleepingever and @mygutsforgarters, you heathens.

Dishonor On Your Cow - Shrunkyclunks (but not really, sort of) where Steve and Bucky have a hate at first sight meeting during the Battle of Manhattan and Bucky eventually joins the Avengers for feelings and hilarity.

****He's All That - College AU where frat boy Bucky takes a bet to turn disaster Steve Rogers into the class president but catches feelings instead. 

dance with a ghost - Shrunkyclunks where Bucky moves into an apartment and finds himself haunted by the ghost of Captain America.

Introduction to Fake Dating Your Best Friend 101 - Professors AU, Steve and Bucky are a pair of professors who have to fake date for academic purposes and are real dumb along the way.

Five times Steve kissed Bucky - Pre-serum “fight me” Steve Rogers to post TWS.

To Believe in Tomorrow - Shrunkyclunks AU; Bucky's mornings at the community garden get a little more interesting when the new guy shows up.

Blush Pink - Dirty talking, dom!Bucky PWP.

if all my mistakes (led me to you) - No powers AU, Steve has to scramble to find a plus one for Peggy’s big day after being spontaneously dumped. Bucky is his slutty neighbor.

**Unusual Weather - Tony gives Bucky Asgardian drugs to chill him out while Tony fixes his arm. Steve is there to hold Bucky down. Then Bucky starts dirty talking.

a long way from the playground - Fake dating, no powers AU, Bucky needs to pretend he has a date to Becca’s wedding and blurts out his best friend’s name.

Something Borrowed - In-universe Sam POV AU where Sam, Steve, and Bucky go to Sam’s sister’s wedding.

Bucky Barnes: Sunscreen Assassin - In-universe AU; Steve refuses to wear sunscreen, Bucky takes that as a challenge.

winter wheat, sunflower peat - Powered AU where instead of re-meeting in TWS, Steve meets Bucky as a hitchhiker. ANGST AND FEELS.

**The Daily Rogers - College AU, exchange student Bucky meets Steve “fight me” Rogers, who classmates run a nasty blog about.

No, Mr. Bond, I Expect You to Pine - Secret Agent adversaries-to-lovers AU where the Winter Soldier keeps tying Captain America to walls and sticking around to chat.

Drive It Like You Stole It: A Bodyswap - Steve and Bucky get bodyswapped then go on a magical road trip with Peter Parker; extreme antics and harmless emotional torture for Peter ensue.

Your Lack Of An Answer Is Kind Of An Answer: Four Questions Natasha Asked Steve Rogers, And One Time Bucky Barnes Answered - Beautiful and painful Natasha POV, so many Steve feelings, SO MANY.

Achilles Come Down - You jump, I jump, pre-serum and after.

eros and psyche - Post-TWS, Steve and the Winter Soldier start an affair where the Soldier never lets Steve see his face.

Sparked Up Like a Book of Matches - Beautiful Steve-centric, post-TWS. Sometimes Tony gives him super alcohol in a sippy cup. Sometimes he sees Bucky out of the corner of his eye and wonders if it's real or if he's starting to lose his mind.

Itinerant - Nomad Steve goes wandering the world without the rest of the team to try and find himself while Bucky recovers in Wakanda.

Sweet Relieving - Pre-serum PWP, Steve cross-dresses, Bucky talks DIRTY.

4 Minute Window - Post-TWS, Bucky “kidnaps” Steve and they build a life together.

time on my hands (could be time spent with you) - Nomad Steve runs missions while Bucky recovers in Wakanda and everyone thinks they’re married.

My Working Week and My Sunday Rest - Steve's life after he throws down the shield and hides with Bucky in Wakanda.

Cat Nap - AU where Winter Soldier Bucky and Steve didn’t know each other; Bucky deprograms himself and Steve accidentally steals his cat.

The Size of Perfection - WWII, Steve is shy about how big the serum made his dick. But then there is extreme bittersweet beauty.

Ain't No Grave - Post-TWS (with a pre-TWS prologue) where Bucky accidentally adopts two homeless kids and tries to recover before finding Steve again.

So, You've Adopted a Fruit - Retired Steve and Bucky; Bucky rescues a stray kitten.

Bucky Barnes: on top of the Polls - Steve gets extremely unbalanced during American elections and Bucky both hates and lusts for it.

Together Forever and Ever - PWP, Bucky’s birthday.

Meet-Cute AU's - A gazillion different AUs, heaven on earth.

Lessons in Normality - Shrunkyclunks AU where Steve doesn’t know his normal boyfriend Bucky is a secret agent gathering information on him, Shield, and Hydra.

Pedantic Affectations - Shrunkyclunks AU, Steve is a vigilante badly undercover as a teacher, Bucky is the detective trying to bring him in. Steve in his brilliance decides to throw Bucky off his scent by dating him.

*That Ass (Property of James Barnes) - Bucky is loudly obsessed with Steve’s ass.

Strange Visitor (From Another Time) - Lois and Clark-esque Shrunkyclunks AU; Bucky is a reporter pissed at the new kid in the newsroom who ends up being Captain America.

Snapshots - Post TWS: Steve is trying to find Bucky. Instead, he finds the sexy Navy "propaganda" Bucky somehow never mentioned he modeled for before the war. Painful and profound.

The Roommate - Shrunkyclunks AU, Steve decides not to live in Avengers Tower and instead gets an apartment and finds a one-armed veteran for a roommate.

Side bitch out of your league - Shrunkyclunks AU, Steve misdials Bucky while on a mission. Then misdials him again. Then dials him on purpose.

(760): I literally cut myself out of my pants. Waste. Of. Money. - No powers AU, Bucky texts a random number on Sam’s phone for outfit advice.

Slide To Answer - No powers wrong number AU; Steve misdials Bucky for dating advice, then keeps doing it.

a line that goes all the way. - Recovery in Wakanda pining.

**********they're gonna send us to prison for jerks - Post-TWS, Steve and Sam are undercover and move in next door to a math teacher who looks just like Bucky, but Steve can’t be sure... MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FIC.

***Siege - Post-TWS AU where Bucky sticks around after pulling Steve from the Potomac and there are some painful and beautiful plot twists and some goddamn PROSE.

a blade with no handle - AU, the Winter Soldier joins the Avengers; identity porn.

Let's Fall in Love - Tony sends Steve and Bucky to a ridiculous fake speakeasy bar, feelings happen.

***Circling Back - Steve looks for Bucky, Bucky finds Steve, Steve tries desperately to put Bucky back together. Bucky tries desperately to let him. ULTIMATE POST-TWS RECOVERY FIC. Avenger family feels.

#TweetMeDaddy - Shrunkyclunks AU; Bucky works for Shield and tweets something that gets flagged as a death threat. It isn’t.

Good Boy - PWP, dom!Steve petplay; Bucky is still adjusting to life with the Avengers, and Steve is willing to do whatever it takes to make him feel comfortable.

[sail-not-drift]

“Where are we going?”

“The future.”

on the road

moments [part 2/?]

[divinespairings]

— Seventy Years of Sleep # 4. Nikka Ursula

[sunshvness]

mix tape (minwoong)

send “mix tape” for my muse to make a list of 5 songs that they think explain how they feel for your muse

我怎能留下你 - EZU 

How can I leave you here all alone in the dark? You’re there when I am down. You helped me find myself. Truth is you are all that I need. 

Colors - Day6 

Me in the black and white photo… My world that has spread black.  I’m so tired, I’m so tired now, I’m so sick of it. The colors of you that I see from time to time. It raises me up because you’re the only one with your own color […] Hold out your hand. Color me like that read sunset so I won’t lose myself. 

สั่น / Sun (Shake) - Lovesick the series cast

I’m lost in the middle of emptiness, I can’t see, even though there are stars. Until the day you held my hand and opened the door to a new world […] You made me realize what warmth is like. Even though the sun will set just having you near, hugging me, just this makes me so warm. 

“ใช่…ใช่ไหม (Tell Me Is This Love)” - Tempt 

If I didn’t meet you today, I probably wouldn’t have understood what I had to do in my life, the sky probably wouldn’t be so bright,  and I probably would have had to live with my love that would never be used. If I asked for your hand to touch me right at my heart would you? […] I just want to know if my heart that was once broken is beating now. 

 能不能坐在我身旁 (Can You Sit By My Side?)- Jun

You’re just like a ray of sunshine in the spring rain that shines onto my heart letting that flower bloom quietly. If I walk closer to you little by little please don’t run away, let me sing softly like this. If you listen to this song word by word, line by line, can you sit by my side? 

[hufflepxffs]

✦ (minwoong)

Send me ✦  and i’ll write an incorrect quote with our muses.

euiwoong: i’m not really looking for a boyfriend right now 

minhwan: it makes sense 

euiwoong: it does, right? 

minhwan: considering i’m your husband… 

[sail-not-drift]

#i like that bucky is burritoed and steve is titties out #good stuff (via @yourbuckies​)

mornings

[alwaysdreamingofmiracles]

"I think we deserve a soft epilogue, my love. We are good people and we’ve suffered enough."

THEY. My loves, my comfort ship for 7 years. My OTP forever. Creating a happy ending for them. I have this as a short video, would anyone be interested?

[onethousandrbirds]

speaking of shipping: what does your golden age of tumblr mlm otp says about you?

drarry: you spent a lot of time trying (and somehow succeeding for a long time?) at convincing people that you were cishet. congratulations?

wincest: you had a bone to pick with twilight's realism b/c you were #NotLikeOtherGirls

johnlock: you're (were?) a teaboo

frodo/sam: you have (or desperately want to) have a day where your s/o feeds and takes care of you just because or vice versa.

cecilos: you have unironically said "normal is a setting on a dryer" at least once in your life

stony: you have written at least 1 essay about robert downy jr's acting

jeanmarco: you have participated in at least 4 failed "renew this show" or "give X a boyfriend" campaigns. mercy to your soul if you've done both

parapines: you were (or still are, and if that's the case i'm neither judging nor calling the cops) into guro

hijack: you really liked frozen, but thought kristoff was to "bear-ish" to ship with hans

the onceler: ... please don't make me drag you on this post. you've done it enough for yourself by being so thirsty for slash content (basic and boring as it was) that you thought to yourself, "why don't i consume art of this person fucking himself from different points on his personal timeline?" and, "my fetish for thin white men is so debilitating that i cannot interact with any media without my horny goggles on" and brought this monstrosity into existence. why couldn't you have stuck with homestuck like a normal person?

john/dave: weeb, but, no, you don't have the power of god on your side. yet

arthur/eames: you really *tried* to like don john OR loved venom

wiccan/hulkling: you owned at least 1 piece of fckh8 merchandise

klaine: see "drarry" above and "sasunaru" below

destiel: you've watched at least 3 seasons of riverdale despite shouting from the rooftops how terrible you think it is

enjolras/grantaire: you have at least 1 story about not getting the part in a play, musical, or solo from 10+ years ago that you haven't let go of

stucky: sometimes you find yourself whispering "we deserve a soft epilogue, my love" to nothing in particular when you're all alone

merthur: you have complicated feelings about women. even if you happen to be one.

superbat: you will reach enlightenment one day and all who laughed at your ventures will crumble into dust.

kirkspock: you have read the "it took a modern adaptation to get me there" essay. also, you really relate to Ribs by Lorde

coulson/hawkeye: like the onceler fans, you were so thirsty for two white men to ship that you basically invented content from nothing BUT somehow you're the classy ho at the back of the class drinking box wine while the rest of these losers have gatorade. congratulations?

simon/nathan: you have had at least 1 conversation where you explain that BBC programming is leagues above anything ever produced in north america. you've also claimed not to be a teaboo

sasunaru: you like making fun of weebs on the internet while snuggled up with your own dakimakura

rpf of any kind: you have been blocked by at least 3 celebrities on social media. weirdly enough, it was for dunking on them?

timkon: see "suberbat" and "wiccanXhulkling" above

remus/sirius: you have "ironically" said you would fuck your friend's dad to his face at least once

sterek: the very mention of richard siken (rip) sends you into a feral fugue state where you stalk either dylan o'brien or tyler hoechlin's twitter and chant, "godammit not this again."

[aproblematicpanda]

2, 3, 12!

Hi Tee! ♥ First let me just say: GREAT URL CHANGE. I FULLY SUPPORT IT AND I LIKE THE WAY YOU THINK.

2. Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP? To be quite honest I don’t really know what counts as “popular” so I’m just going to go ahead and name ships that I’ve seen people ship, whether they’re considered popular or not I’ll leave that up to you. Raven x Murphy is one that comes to mind. I don’t know if a lot of people still ship it, but I think it was gaining quite a bit of popularity in season 5 (I believe there even was a cut scene of Raven kissing his cheek but that could’ve been in season 4, honestly I’m such a terrible addition to this fandom, half the time I barely even know what I’m talking about). But I don’t see anything romantic there. If anything, I see Raven as sort of like Murphy’s big sister - she’ll tease him and call him names and he’ll give her a hard time but if it comes down to it, they have each other’s backs. So a sibling dynamic or just really great friends. There used to be a lot of bad blood between them and to be honest I’m still not entirely comfortable with Raven being best friends with the man who permanently wrecked her leg albeit not on purpose. But the show is terrible at addressing stuff like that so 99% of the time I just ignore it I guess? Anyway, I think they have an interesting dynamic and I always enjoy their scenes together, but never in a romantic way. Then, and Nicole is going to kill me for this but I’m going to say it anyway, there’s Octavia x Gabriel. Again, I don’t know if a *lot* of people ship it, but quite a few of them do and I don’t know, they just don’t do it for me I guess? I mean they’re both hot and they look amazing together, but in season 6 I feel like Gabriel only looked at her like she was a piece of a puzzle he was trying to solve, not a woman, and I just don’t get a shippy vibe when I look at them. That being said, I do think they make a good team and I could get on board with them having a great friendship. I just don’t see a romantic relationship blossoming there because honestly, this man will never look at any woman the way he looks at that damn anomaly. Also, I have not forgiven him for mentioning his friends in 7x07 and then only calling out “Echo! Hope! I’m sorry!” because Octavia should’ve gotten a mention there. Yeah, yeah, he spent five years with them but if I’m supposed to ship him with Octavia, then he should’ve said her name, too, and that’s that. And then obviously there’s BeIIamy x CIarke. At least I know for sure there’s a popular one LOL. I don’t ship them romantically, I never have. But I also don’t think they make a great BroTP, I’m just mentioning them in my reply so you’ll be absolutely positive that I don’t see any kind of TP whatsoever when I think about those two. Other than that I guess I’m pretty down with most canon romantic ships I guess? Wouldn’t have turned anyone into a BroTP instead, and I don’t think there are any (popular) ships left that I feel strongly about so here you go! 3. Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion? Oh my god, so many times. Usually it’s because they have a very, very *wrong* opinion about Octavia or because they ship B x C and reblog them far too often. In the past I would’ve replied to those wrong opinions or made anti-gif sets to prove my point about the ship I mentioned but then I grew up so nowadays I just unfollow (and when they tag their shit incorrectly I even block them when I feel like it - I also have two people who I blacklisted via XKit so their posts and edits won’t show up on my dash, I don’t want to block them because it’s not that they tag incorrectly and I do want to allow them to keep reblogging stuff I make because sometimes they do, it’s just that they have such terribly wrong views on Octavia and the gif sets they sometimes make make me want to throw my computer out the window so I figured it was best to just make sure I don’t see their stuff on my dash, *ever*). 12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why? Ehh... This is a hard one, because I think sometimes fandom tends to disagree on what does or doesn’t count as an arc. But for the purpose of answering this question I’m going to go with Echo’s... I’m not going to call it “character development” because that makes it sound like she used to be a bad person and then she changed and that’s not what happened. She was never a bad person. Let’s call it Echo’s journey. She started off as an antagonist (which is why it bugs me so much when haters like to call her out on “trying to kill Octavia”: she was on the opposite side, of course she was going to do shit that the protagonists don’t like, that’s what happens when you’re on the opposing team, it’s called story-telling). There’s our group of “heroes” (god I hate it when the show calls them that) and then there was Echo, on the other side, siding with the people who wanted to harm “our heroes”. But then those people cast her out after she did everything she could think of to keep them safe (I’m not saying she did the right thing by cheating in the conclave but she did have noble intentions for doing what she did) and she had nobody anymore, until Spacekru took her in and her loyalties shifted from her former clan to Spacekru. We don’t have a lot of information about what went on on the Ark, but I like the little bits and pieces we did get. I like that it’s canon that she didn’t tell anyone much about herself, that she’s not an open book at all, that she’s closed off, distant, doesn’t let her true feelings surface because it makes her vulnerable and if there’s one thing she learned from life at a very young age, it’s that she can never appear vulnerable, ever. And I like that in season 6 and especially in season 7, she is forced to deal with what happens when she can no longer repress her feelings but instead has to let them out. Is she coping with them in a healthy way? No. Of course not. Not at all. But what did you expect from a woman who saw her parents die when she was just a little kid, who was forced to murder her best friend in self-defense and then use said friend’s name as her own and who was from then on trained and used as a (child) soldier to do someone else’s dirty work? Do you honestly expect someone who carries around that much trauma, who has this many wounds that she could never allow to heal, to deal with losing the man she loves in a healthy way? I think it’s fascination to see her wrestle with those feelings, feelings she can no longer repress or ignore, and I honest to god hope the show will allow her to work through that grief eventually without turning her back into the coldblooded woman she used to be or, god forbid, give her some kind of sacrificial death to "make up for all the bad shit she did”. Echo’s not a bad person, in fact, she’s a far better person than most of our “heroes”. Being able to do what needs to be done doesn’t make her evil, because most people on this show would be evil then. Echo is a severely traumatized young woman who hasn’t had a sense of home in decades and then, when she finally found it, when she finally learned to open up and let herself be soft and vulnerable again with her new found family, it was ripped away from her again. And I think that her journey is one of the most compelling ones of all characters because she goes through so much and yet here she is, ready to fuck shit up to get shit done. I can only hope she’ll get to soft epilogue she deserves, after a lifetime of being at war. Salty Ask List

[divinespairings]

There are some things in life you can't R E P L A C E 

A love like ours don't happen T W I C E 

Requested by @the-most-beautiful-broom

[sunshvness]

tag dump 7

[hwarang-number]

Dream Girl: Jonghyun/Minho Oneshot

Pairing: Jongho

Rating: T

Word Count: 3400

Summary: Jonghyun gets matched up with his dream girl through a dating app and arrives at the rendezvous to find Minho there for the same reason. Inspired by this Dean Martin/Frank Sinatra skit, as well as that one amazing Tumblr post of shirtless Jonghyun with a caption about his “stupid little bitch waist” (which I, naturally, have not been able to locate since.)

I really wanted to post this whole thing for New Year’s but I didn’t have time to knock out the entire (somewhat lengthy) epilogue, so that’s forthcoming, and I’ll cross-post to AO3 at that time. This part works as a stand-alone fic, though.

Dedicated to the beautiful @wysteryas, who inspired me to try my hand at SHINee fic. 2min is my OTP but Jongho is my kryptonite, apparently. They make me so ridiculously happy.

***

When Jonghyun spots the man sitting on his designated bench, his entire body jolts in stark dismay. If his dream girl really is coming here tonight, she won’t even see him with this guy in her line of vision. In fact, she’ll probably assume that said guy was her dream man to begin with and head off to happily-ever-after on his arm.

He looks up hopefully at Jonghyun's approach and oh hell yes, this is a dream man in-waiting. Huge, stunning double-lidded dark eyes, luminous olive skin, tousled silky black hair, long lean legs crossed at the ankle – and dressed to kill.

Sodam had approved every inch of her little brother, from his earrings to his boxer-briefs (sexy ones, Jonghyun-ah, just in case!), before shoving him toward the door with a giddy laugh, but if she’d seen this guy, she’d have promptly pulled Jonghyun back inside again and cancelled his membership with the dating app for good measure.

The man wears a black leather jacket, slim-cut and perfectly contoured to his torso, with a gray knit scarf knotted artfully at his throat and dark blue jeans cuffed above black lace-up boots. The cuffs of a dusky blue sweater peek out from the ends of his sleeves, and he wears one wide silver band on his left thumb.

Jonghyun wears rings too – just a few tonight, nothing ridiculous – and had always thought it kind of worked for him, but this man owns the thumb ring look.

Fuck, even his hands are beautiful. Long, strong, and exquisitely shaped, all the way to his fingertips.

The man is three kinds of gorgeous and he's just sitting there like a handsome piece of statuary, regarding Jonghyun curiously.

“– help you?” he’s saying, and it’s really, truly over now, because his voice is deep. Not corny American hey baby deep but hushed and soft and warm. The kind of voice that raises the hairs on the back of your neck in a really pleasant way.

Jonghyun is so fucked he could cry.

"Um," he begins brilliantly. "I’m sorry, but – could you maybe move to another bench for just a little? It's just, I'm supposed to meet someone – oh fuck –“ He breaks off at a telltale burning in his eyes and brings his fists to them before he remembers his eyeliner: a subtle, smoky border, painstakingly applied by Sodam because his hands were shaking too badly.

"Hey, easy,” the man soothes in the gentlest voice Jonghyun’s ever heard. “It's okay. I’d happily move to another bench,” he says, “but as it happens, I’m supposed to be meeting someone here too.”

Jonghyun peeks at him between his fingers, rendered speechless by disbelief, and the man’s breath catches.

“You have the most beautiful eyes,” he blurts, startling them both. “Actually, um…for half a second I thought you might be – who’re you meeting?” he asks suddenly.

Conceding defeat, Jonghyun drops his hands from his face and himself onto the bench beside the man. “A girl,” he says wearily. “I signed up on one of those dating apps – the, uh, ‘compatibility-guaranteed’ one,” he adds in an abashed mumble, “and I’m supposed to meet my dream girl here tonight.”

“Hey, me too!” the man says eagerly, turning to Jonghyun, his mouth curved in a smile so dazzling that Jonghyun’s heart does a startled little flip on its way to the pit of his stomach. “Tell me what yours looks like and we can keep an eye out for each other.”

Jonghyun sighs, wishing more than anything to forestall the inevitable: that awkward moment when the man realizes that they’re both here for the same girl and makes some weak attempt to convince sad, small Jonghyun that he actually has a chance with her.

Half a month’s rent went into this disaster, and for what?

“Legs for miles,” Jonghyun croaks, his cheeks burning. “At least, that’s the description they gave me. ‘Legs for miles, a small face, and…very big eyes,’ ” he finishes lamely.

The man grins. “It’s the eyes that get me too,” he confesses.

They all say that, Jonghyun scowls to himself. “And legs for miles?” he wonders dryly.

“Nah, I’ve got legs enough for the both of us,” the man laughs. “I’m waiting on a ‘small, shapely blonde with eyes to drown in.’”

Jonghyun’s sigh of relief comes out like a moan and he claps a hand over his mouth in horror. “I just – I’m really glad you said that,” he says quickly, stupidly, causing the man to raise the inner edges of his eyebrows in a captivating expression.

“Because…?” he puzzles aloud, then – “Oh. You thought we were expecting the same girl?”

“Maybe,” Jonghyun hedges, not quite meeting the man’s eyes, and he shakes his head with a strange half-smile.

“We have very different types,” he says simply.

“Ah, that’s good,” Jonghyun replies, and in the ensuing silence, reassesses his appearance for the umpteenth time this evening.

Sodam snuck the insoles out of his shoes while he was brushing his teeth. If she’s really your dream girl, she’s not going to care about a few centimeters, she insisted when he realized the absence, halfway out the door. Just be you, Jonghyun-ah. You want her to love you as you are, and she will – she’ll take one look at you and never want to leave your side.

He absently toys with one cuff of his impossibly soft sweater: a cream-colored turtleneck, pure cashmere and wildly beyond his budget. A gift from Sodam expressly for tonight, stored in a box of lavender and allspice berries for the past week for ultimate romantic appeal. If she can resist wrapping herself around you, she’s not worth having, she declared after an appraising nuzzle of his shoulder. You’re like hugging a basketful of sleepy kittens.

“You smell really good,” the man remarks, and Jonghyun glances over with a small, gratified smile.

“You too,” he realizes. The man smells subtly, headily of musk and cloves, and Jonghyun wishes he could justify leaning over for a deeper sniff – or simply asking what it is – but maybe a man that attractive just naturally smells that good, and how awkward would it be to come up with a response to Nothing – I guess it’s just me?

“Oh good,” the man replies, visibly relaxing against the back of the bench. “I had soccer practice earlier. I showered afterward but you still worry, you know?”

Of course he’s an athlete, on top of everything else. “Couldn’t get out of it?” Jonghyun asks dryly, never mind the man really doesn’t deserve it. “Not even for your dream girl?”

“I’m the team captain,” the man chuckles, either unbothered by or oblivious to Jonghyun’s sarcasm. “I don’t let them out of practice for anything short of death, so I could hardly do it myself.”

Jonghyun smiles in reply, a more genuine expression than he intended, and directs his gaze along the lamplit sidewalk – conspicuously empty at such a prime walking hour. His nerves jangle with whispers of not coming and stood up, and he turns back almost gratefully at the man’s question:

“Where are you taking her?”

“Um…well, it’s late enough that she might have eaten already,” he says. “So I thought: coffee and macarons at this café I really love, then there’s a quiet little jazz club where a friend and I perform sometimes – uh, he plays piano, I sing,” he explains, earning an impressed eyebrow-raise from the other man. “It’s pretty casual but there’s dancing, if she wants, and decent appetizers if she’s hungry.”

Snore, he reflects miserably, and applauds himself for leaving out the bit about the open-late bookstore next door to the café and the poetry books he conveniently arranged there on his way over, just in case they happen to stop in. Not to mention the fact that Taemin performing tonight is getting them free admission to the club and a customized playlist, as it were.

Flag me down if it’s going well – or not – and you can step in and sing to her, hyung, his impish friend had urged. I guarantee you won’t make it home in one piece – if you make it home at all.

“Sounds perfect,” the man says, “romantic as hell,” and Jonghyun looks up at him in surprise, narrowly biting back a gape. Without warning, the man brushes a hand across Jonghyun’s sleeve and a shiver – not altogether unpleasant – runs the length of his spine in response. “You’re even dressed for cuddling,” he remarks with a smile.

“And what are you dressed for?” Jonghyun deflects, his cheeks burning.

“Art gallery,” the man replies. “I know, sounds pretentious, but I’m really into photography, and there’s a cool exhibit on right now. There’s a great black bean noodle place just a few blocks away from the gallery, and I thought we could wrap up with a walk around the park after and maybe…some hand-holding to finish,” he volunteers, somewhat sheepishly, as though he feels he owes Jonghyun something after the cuddling comment.

“Nice,” Jonghyun declares, and means it.

“Oh good,” the man says, visibly relieved, as though Jonghyun’s approval carries some strange weight. “So, um…you’d be happy with a first date like that?”

Jonghyun frowns slightly at the question but the man’s earnest expression seems to crave reassurance, nothing more. “Yeah – especially the hand-holding,” he adds cheekily. “Skinship’s kind of my thing.”

“Hence the cuddling,” the man responds in kind, lips curving beautifully, and a companionable silence falls between them.

“How many kids do you want to have?” Jonghyun asks abruptly, and the man turns toward him with a start.

“Come again?” he croaks, brows halfway to his hairline.

“While we’re waiting, I thought it might be good to practice a little,” Jonghyun explains, his blush returning in full force. “Conversation, I mean – for our dates.”

The man’s shock softens but he continues to eye Jonghyun curiously. “And that’s your opener?” he wonders wryly.

“No, but it’s kind of a biggie for me,” Jonghyun replies. “So I wanna make sure I get it out.”

“Ah, I hear you,” the man says with perfect understanding. “It’s the same for me, to be honest. I love kids, so it’s something I want to make sure we have in common. I’m the youngest of two, so…three?” he ventures.

“Hey, me too!” Jonghyun exclaims. “I’m the youngest of two, and I want three kids – at least a couple of girls,” he adds shyly. “I’ve got a little girl dog now, so I’m sort of practicing up.”

The man smiles, warm and wistful. “Ah, lucky. I love dogs, but I’ve always been too busy to get one of my own.”

“Maybe I can bring Roo here sometime,” Jonghyun offers, without quite knowing why. “If you live nearby, I mean, and you could play with her for a little. Dog-time is a must for quality of life.”

“I’d like that,” the man says softly.

Jonghyun lets his head fall back, gazing up through the city-glow in search of stars beyond. It’s a beautiful night, crisp and clear, and the man beside him is surprisingly good company to help pass the time until –

He shakes his head to clear it, having momentarily forgotten the express purpose for his – their – presence here tonight, and frowns thoughtfully at his companion for a long moment before asking the question he really doesn’t want the answer to:

“Just exactly how tall are you?”

The man chuckles, as though he’d expected this eventually. “184 centimeters,” he replies.

Well, fuck. “With or without insoles?” Jonghyun needles, and the man grins brilliantly.

“I can reach down things from the top shelf of my kitchen cupboards, barefoot and flat-footed,” he declares with a sort of mock-triumph.

Fucking beanpole, Jonghyun thinks, glaring at those endlessly long legs. As if being tall is some sort of accomplishment. “I need a step-stool to reach on top of my fridge,” he grumbles. “Wanna come over sometime and clean my ceiling fan?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” the man banters back playfully.

Jonghyun wonders if it would be weird to ask the guy for his number. He probably isn’t serious about cleaning the fan, but Jonghyun genuinely wants him to meet Roo. He’s a really nice guy, interesting and easy to talk to; maybe they could even grab coffee or black bean noodles sometime.

If nothing else, maybe they’ll both get a friend out of this whole dating fiasco.

Jonghyun suddenly realizes that he hasn’t looked at his phone since he sat down and pulls the device from his pocket with a small panicked sound. It’s almost twenty minutes past the appointed meeting time, and there’s no push notification indicating that his girl checked in as “running late” or anything like that.

He frowns at the screen.

“Are you getting late for a reservation?” the man asks.

“No, I didn’t make any,” Jonghyun says, pocketing his phone again with a slowly sinking heart. “And everywhere we were going is pretty low-key, so…” He trails off. No use pretending, really. “It’s too late even to be fashionable, don’t you think?” he asks the other man without looking up, not really seeking an answer, so he doesn’t notice when none comes.

Honestly, he’s not surprised. Thousands and thousands of won – half a month’s rent – and ‘compatibility guaranteed’? He should’ve known it was too good to be true.

Hell, he should’ve known it was a crock when they revealed that his dream girl had ‘legs for miles’ – as if someone like that would even look at Jonghyun twice, let alone fall in love with him.

Or maybe there really had been a girl, he thinks bitterly, but she took one look at me and ran off before I could spot her.

How the hell is he going to tell Sodam?

He stretches his lips into a weak but resolute smile and turns to his companion. “I should’ve known I’d get stood up, but you –”

The rest of his sentence falls away at the expression on the man’s face. He’s staring down at Jonghyun with a gaze to sear your soul, lips parted slightly in small, shallow breaths.

“I don’t think we got stood up,” he says quietly.

“You think your girl’s still coming?” Jonghyun asks.

It’s a fair assumption, really. He’s the sort of guy girls would kill to date – sweet, tall, fit, sexy as hell – definitely not the kind of man you stand up. His dream girl is probably cursing her shoes and running through the park in a drama-worthy montage at this very moment.

The man presses his lips together and looks away. “I think she got here a while ago,” he says, his voice strangely rough.

Jonghyun clears his throat, wondering why his breath is quickening too, and why it’s suddenly easier to inhale with the man’s eyes averted. “You…you think she saw you were with someone,” he puzzles, “and, what: she’s waiting for me to leave?”

“No, I…” The man hesitates, rubbing his palms on his jeans and biting his lips together, as though he’s struggling with what to say or how to say it, then suddenly his eyes are locked with Jonghyun’s and Jonghyun thinks he may never actually breathe again.

“I think you’re my dream girl,” the man whispers.

Jonghyun’s heart catapults into his throat. “I’m not a girl,” he says faintly.

“I know,” the man assures him, looking as apologetic as he does impassioned. “It’s just…every time you’ve managed to look at me,” he says, his voice breaking slightly, “I’ve found myself drowning in your eyes.”

The heart in Jonghyun’s throat flails like a small wild creature, caught fast in a trap.

“You – you’re small and blond,” the man points out softly, “and I was thinking – wondering – if maybe…” He trails off, eyeing Jonghyun – specifically, Jonghyun’s body – with hopeful hesitance, and Jonghyun looks away quickly, knowing what the man is referring to, or rather guessing at.

“I, um…” he fumbles. “It’s just…my waist is kind of small for a –”

He breaks off with a sharp inhale as the man brings a hand to his waistline and closes warm fingers gently around the deep, almost feminine indent. The touch sends a strange, gorgeous heat straight to Jonghyun’s groin.

“Daebak,” the man breathes.

“I like art galleries,” Jonghyun whispers over the clamor of his frenzied heart, deliberately looking everywhere but at the man. “And black bean noodles, and hand-holding in the park.”

“I like coffee and cuddling – and cashmere,” the man murmurs, cautiously curling his fingertips in the material of Jonghyun’s sweater. “And in case it’s escaped your notice in all this time you’ve refused to look at me,” he adds, so lightly: “I just happen to have legs for miles, a small face, and very big eyes.”

Jonghyun fights it, he truly does. But suddenly he’s on his knees on the bench with the man’s face in his hands, kissing each large, exquisite eye closed with desperate presses of his lips.

They’re almost amber close-up, he discovers. Soft black lashes, wide swollen pupils drinking Jonghyun in –

He pulls back with a whimper of distress and veritably leaps off the bench. He just kissed – well, not kissed, but kissed part of – a man. A breathtakingly beautiful man – the most beautiful man he’s ever seen, hands down – but a man just the same. A man who paid a boatload of money to get matched up with his dream date and has been calmly waiting for a petite curvy blonde girl, not small stunted Kim Jonghyun with his stupid little bitch waist –

He turns to bolt, eyes burning, and a large hand closes around his wrist.

"Hey, easy; it’s okay,” soothes the gentlest voice Jonghyun’s ever heard, for the second time that night, and he feels the man come up behind him. Strong arms slip hesitantly around his stupid little bitch waist, making him gasp, and the warm weight of a cheek – or chin? – settles on the top of his head.

Jonghyun’s mind is torn between Fuck, how tall is he? and Fuck, how does this feel so good?

“I’m sorry,” the man murmurs. “I-I’ve never done…this, and I’m sure I’m doing it wrong. I just…I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to go either,” Jonghyun confesses in a whisper, and the arms snug about his waist with a stifled moan against his scalp. His nipples tighten at the combination of sensations and he arches back slightly with a whimper.

“God, you feel so good in my arms,” the man groans.

Jonghyun’s not sure which of them initiates the turn, but suddenly they’re standing face-to-face and –

“You’re so beautiful,” they both say at once, voices hushed and yearning, and the man starts a little at the statement, as though he’s only just realized that Jonghyun is as overcome and in love as he is.

“You were my dream girl the moment you walked up,” he says softly, taking Jonghyun’s face in his hands. His fingertips drift gently through Jonghyun’s moon-pale dandelion down hair as his thumbs trace Jonghyun’s sharp cheekbones. “I thought you actually were her for a moment,” he reveals. “Except you weren’t a her, and then I realized that…maybe that didn’t really matter,” he concludes with a tender smile.

His legs end somewhere around Jonghyun’s waistline, and Jonghyun stares up-up-up into the most stunning eyes he’s ever seen. He never thought for a second that this was a girl of any kind, but somehow he’s everything Jonghyun wanted when he came here tonight, minus the damn Adam’s apple that some idiot placed at the level of his lips.

It’s handsome, as Adam’s apples go, and it bobs in a gulp as the man flounders under the intensity of Jonghyun’s silence.

“Please say something,” he whispers, dropping his hands to Jonghyun’s shoulders in a more socially acceptable pose.

Impossibly, his breath smells of jasmine and Jonghyun whimpers as his cock thrums in response. He’s lost in dark eyes and endless limbs and warm olive skin that seeps musk and cloves, trembling with the urge to kiss and nuzzle and burrow and bury himself in this utterly breathtaking person.

“Why aren’t you a girl?” he whispers.

“If you don’t know the answer to that,” the man says lightly, “then it shouldn’t make any difference, right?”

It’s a joke, but neither of them is laughing as the man draws Jonghyun deep into his arms and cradles him to a racing heart. “Let’s try this again,” he murmurs raggedly. “I’m Minho. What are you doing for the rest of your life?”

[hufflepxffs]

Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence. Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats. Maybe there’s a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don’t want anything or anybody else. Where we don’t want more, we just want each other.

 maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you. //  Gaby Dunn

[acioo]

MASTERLIST OF 1000 VERSE IDEAS ! ( 2 / 2 )

                  under the cut are exactly 1000 verse tag ideas under the following categories:                   brotp, enemies, exes, fwb, otp, parents, siblings, toxic relationship,                   unrequited, & wanted connection with exactly 100 tag phrases per each one.                   please like or reblog this if you found it helpful !

BROTP :

you ask if i think it’ll hurt like this forever

we’re not those kind of kids

one can’t function without the other

people are good at heart

the kids with no religion

nobody hates the truth like we do

endless dumb fun

they turned her into a nightmare so i’m going to be theirs

for her i can try to be human

we are syrup in coffee and hands that bite

more than friendship but less than dating

we make the king scream for mercy

extensions of each other

all the gods, heavens, and hells are within you

this time we are not afraid

we win because we do not know how to lose

we will be monsters alone in this world with only each other

you look at me with this heady mixture of awe and love and bottomless trust

a sweaty summertime tangle of lips

our nights are perfumed in obsession

he’s lighting a cigarette even though he would never let you touch one

i took care of that thing for you

let them remember me

the only one who really knows anymore

all you have to do is ask

the best at making me feel better

piggeypack rides & inside jokes

living in each other’s back pocket

the impractically rebellious & the impractically kind

the best thing that’s ever happened to me

all you need is love

i will remember. will you?

i like you more than i planned

but we hold on

i love you inside & out

best friends with an idiot

not used to people sticking around when things get bad

here comes trouble

sitting on the library floor

sending out emails for the cult meeting

strange women society

making forests quiver

my one kin

where i go you go

our meeting was bad for society

a true friend & hot piece of ass

to a fading friend

a dynamic duo

then we fight together

don’t tell anyone the big bad wolf is a puppy in disguise

ideas that seemed good at three am

i know i’m a shit friend but oh god i’m trying

the gang screws the government

dead boys club

friends can break your heart too

can’t stop us

there is thunder in our hearts

bro homie man calm down

bored & covered in paint with an idea

i could be your family

we can be heroes

teenage feelings

i can’t live without you

i want to be loved but don’t feel like i deserve it

don’t give up! you’ll be great someday

i tolerate you

who made you think you weren’t worth it

if we fall we fall together

we are the kids you can never kill

we hurt & burn & bloom

friends that became family

alive by spite alone

as long as we don’t die this is going to be one hell of a story

local dumbasses knew what they were getting into but did anyway

just children thrust into war

it’s like being friends with a five year old child who’s also an alcoholic

double trouble

i’m pretty cool but also i cry a lot

unity ; standing together as one

you’re pretty neato

in the end you’re my very best friend

just get in the fucking blanket fort

oh for fuck’s sake here we go again

please don’t leave me like the rest

something about you made me feel alive

sitting on a rooftop at two am & talking about life

whatever you do you’re still my best friend

i’d do anything to keep you safe

so what are you doing this weekend?

let’s be miserable together

trouble usually finds us

my annoying best friend

i’d do anything to make it up to you

all we have is now

down for whatever

we’re good at surviving

death doesn’t discriminate

you suck less than most people

platonically calls you babe

so i did a stupid thing again

ENEMIES : 

better him than me

always ready to argue with you

the only thing that comes easily is the anger

laughing at your worthless jokes

awe-inspiring & ferocious & terrible

hell is other people

the game was getting a little old

plenty of monsters know how to play at being human

dream on fucker

you and me now! for worse or for better

she tears at my lungs

still working on going to hell

tangle them in bedsheets & take their heart

stop brewing up wicked things

fucking unbelievable

are you done yet?

you should be scared of me

the problem is you

monsters aren’t meant to live happily ever after

testing my patience

leave or die

this a warzone

give me a break

can you take a punch?

let my thorns prick your fingers

made of threats

you were an iceberg & i had no lifeboat

fighting & fucking

see you in hell

sinking my talons into your neck

bang bang you’re dead

keeping you at a distance

a fire blazing between us

i will taste the copper tang of your dying breaths

don’t growl at the wolf

the only thing she makes me feel anymore is rage

try to scare me, i dare you

what does it take to make you angry?

you are dumb and an ass: dumbass

sorry you evil prick

you look like shit

a lifelong rivalry

please stop talking

seeing them brings only pain

i’ll swallow my blood before i swallow my pride

i choose violence over peace

stupidity isn’t cute

i’m not cutting myself up for you again

sometimes hearts are vacant

i can’t stand a mess of a person

no enemy is safe

using poetry in a street fight

i don’t care if you burn

i tried to be kind

rot in hell

you want battle? i’ll give you war

hate spitting out of each other’s laugh

choose your last words this last time

not to sound bitter

true evil is above all things seductive

basically i’m a badass / basically he’s a moron

i hope the halo burns when i shove it down your throat

we should really have angry sex sometime

i liked your nose before

allergic to you

he’s not a monster, just a villain

stop making others suffer for your personal hatred

aren’t we all sinners

am i an asshole?

i’m going t hell anyways

do not tell me what i can and can’t do

you don’t know shit about me

they paid the price

you underestimate my power

an eye for an eye

people are poison

wanted: dead or alive

as mad as a dad in traffic

to make out with you or kill you

martyr me i dare you

i hate you more than you hate yourself

please stop framing me for murder i didn’t do that one

do not touch me

sorry you’re an asshole

throwing rocks evolving to throwing insults

asshole of the year & competition

you tried to cross the wrong person

if i’m cute when i’m angry you must find my phenomenal

done being a brat yet?

you are the villain of this story

bringing a murderous rage

an abomination among us

everything about you is wrong

i’ll be nicer if you’ll be smarter

gay judgement

some people should get punched in the face

better than you

a strange game of chess with only two royals

what doesn’t kill me might make me kill you

pain is but fuel to my rage

EXES :

suddenly we are strangers again

we deserve a soft epilogue

you changed everything

she didn’t realize she was saying goodbye

we are good people and we have suffered enough

it’s never been rustier

the people you love don’t stay dead

healing takes time

maybe it was the timing or the toxicity or the lifetime

you haunt me

your relationship will one day dazzle a psychologist

suddenly, everything is okay again

you say you hate him (but it’s so clear on your face)

i know i’ll see your face again

still overthinking why he stopped caring about you

when i think of january i think of you

everything is just so wrong!

part of why you can’t trust men

sorry to my unknown lover

i forgot just why i left you

he doesn’t believe in anyone but himself

he never saw himself the way i saw him

they haunt her dreams

she now knows the trouble of underestimating troublemakers

i’d hold her like she was china instead of plastic and she’d get oh so bored

somebody always has to love more

being apart from your soulmate hurts

i hope you’re thinking of me

you will always fall in love

our love did not know how to die quietly

if memories could bleed, if dreams could scream

taste of broken trust

we have fallen a long way

your love should be unconditional for one person or nothing at all

the devil’s love song is for the rest of her kind, not for you

all the signs screamed stop, but we could not see them

i see you holding hands and i feel angry

i’d give anything for you to hold me one last time

now i’m alone in the dust

if you ever fall in love again please fall in love with me

i don’t want us to be strangers again

still looking as good as i left you

i can’t find you in the body sleeping next to me

losing her was different from the usual pain

you couldn’t patch up the holes in his heart

i’m sorry for coming in and fucking up your life

you wonder if you knew him once ; you cannot remember

the world doesn’t stop for any of us

love is but a neurological con job

not heartbroken

no more love notes

love will tear us apart

you made me think i was good

girlfriend from hell

i don’t know if you noticed but i’m long gone

left in the dust with the taste of broken trust

the people i’ve left & the ones that i kept

send my love to your new lover

you know you should have stayed

we really cared for each other

do you still think of us

your name is synonymous with hurt

it still hurts

she didn’t learn how to love early enough

i hope hurting me haunts you for years

i feel sick when i remember how i opened up for you

loving you has fucked me up

you don’t fall until it’s over

i miss you so much it hurts me every day

you both think the other is staring at the ground

it always gets worse before it gets better

he isn’t coming back you thought

all the sparks were gone

i should hate you

you chose to burn me

sometimes endings are made of teary eyes & the saddest of smiles

i never really got to say goodbye

you used to call me baby

maybe one day i’ll feel nothing

me so sorry

you broke my fucking heart

who said i stopped loving you?

picking up the mess you left behind

the boy who broke her heart is the only one who can make it feel whole again

you tried to love me & i tried to let you

what i do isn’t up to you anymore

what’s a soulmate to a rebel?

it was never like that

what if your heart’s a liar?

what was i supposed to do?

accepting the love we think we deserve

maybe i’ll meet you in another life

she could’ve been your moon but you were focused on dimly lit stars

stay i whispered as you shut the door behind you

i don’t want anyone else to ever touch you

we outgrew each other in angry uncoordinated ways

you left & the world kept going

a letter to the boy who stole me

this thing was a masterpiece before you tore it all up

she’s no longer your girl

FWB :

him and his pale long fingers tangled in your hair

same kiss & lips ; never the same touch

his cold lips against your neck

slender fingers on your upper thigh

nothing sets you off like how you want him

free sex training lessons

can’t differentiate between lips & hearts anymore

his mouth is your confessional

he’d never let anything real happen

what we do is secret

this is no longer safe ground

“ my parents aren’t home ”

the only legacy we’ll leave is the graffiti beneath the high school bleachers

we are the avoiders

just us ; you find out

desired but never loved

you lost track of the rules

you taste like sunshine

it’s so different when we wake up

thrill chill fulfill me

with both of his hands, his eyes, his mouth

star-crossed knuckles at breakfast time

marking you the darkest shade of red

she’s the breathe on the back of your neck

i draped her thighs over my shoulders and drank

the kiss was a one time thing

the possibility is electric

the lie: it doesn’t mean anything

chapstick that started on someone else’s lips

and i keep waking up in your bed

it was supposed to be just once

is it the alcohol or the taste of him

she tastes like every dark thought i’ve ever had

she touches you like you're fragile

he tastes how he sounds: honeyed and warm

countless one-night stands

we say that it is just sex but it’s getting blurry

my heart is too big just for one of you

i’ll seduce you with interesting scientific facts

shining every night

our chaos is what sets us apart

no feelings he said

passionate as a sin

we keep telling ourselves that nothing is happening

just friends don’t kiss like that

i’m in like, she’s in love

me you and the moon

two girls one bed

this sort of lust isn’t allowed

the signs scream do not touch

her gaze is too gentle for your hard fingers

we didn’t get the chance to get past that bed

you’re in my veins, you fuck

it hurts ; lusting after the lion boy

vulnerable and yet still strong

touching everything but her heart

we don’t speak besides assurances

i taste good & bad in you

we call this bravery

this started as friends

drinking her in

lost in translation

maybe i asked for too much

what’s love to a fuckboy

i’ve never even kissed you

yes but only because you asked

they were a poem in four parts

go somewhere with me

you are my two am thoughts

please don’t use me i am broken

eat me! love me! consume me! devour me!

be a slut do whatever you want

feelings of detachment

there’s more where that came from

you are what i desire

you already know how this is going to end

sexual history: often

catching feelings like a disease

don’t get attached

send nudes

everyone winds up kissing the wrong person

gets turned on by danger

i bruise like a peach & i’m twice as sweet

the warmest light is your body

that's fucked up but i like it

that’s gross! (unless you’re up for it?)

gay hooligans

i will gladly slam you against a wall and make out with you

suck my dick written in pretty calligraphy

a best friend who occasionally gives you orgasms

you look cute when i’m doing you

in the gay way

come over and eat what my mom made

i want to respectfully have sex with you

seducing you with interesting science facts

teasing you is what i’m best at

i know what i want & i’m gonna get it

desired but never loved

can we just be strangers again

do you feel like a young god

OTP :

love her, but leave her wild

i lived to love, my darlings

you are my sunshine

tell me i’m good for you

you’re my mess

of all the things my hands have held you are the best

it was like loving the sun

how sweet it is to be loved by you

he makes you feel like when you were at the top of a hill and your bike’s brakes stopped working

the overwhelming desire to kiss

i want to hold hands & waste time with you

i wanna spend the rest of my sunsets with you

we loved with a love that was more than love

i want to be in your arms

your heart could fill an ocean

a love that is not easily buried

you love like the world ending

i find your laughter in the softness of humanity’s neck

i want to explore haunted houses with you

no one’s made my heart beat this fast before

i’ll steal you the moon

sometimes i feel like i’m going to collapse under the weight of your eyes

you understand now why they lost their minds

heaven’s a place on earth with you

he loved you like he discovered fire

did my heart love till now?

your smile lifted the world off of me

i care what you think

a love that makes the god’s jealous

you can only think of his name

no butterflies in my stomach: just shooting stars & supernovas

please i beg quietly don’t give up on me yet

known as something the star’s made

a roaring war when you touch

in her kiss i taste the revolution

the thoughts of him kick drum your veins

touching him feels like a leap of faith you didn’t know you had

tangled in each other

the lies & truth of love

people can read it in your eyes & how you hold each other

he makes you immediately sober up

making your blood tremble with something you don’t understand

he loves you so much more than you do

just kiss me again

one love two mouths

i fell in love with a heart that beats so slow

holding moonlight in your hands

i wanna come home to you

you don’t ever have to go

kiss me like you miss me

fuck you’re beautiful

that star reminds me of you

acknowledging the bad, embracing the good, & growing

my whole sky craves an island of tenderness

she was the moon & i was the stars ; our sky was glorious

he’s not just a boy and that scares me to death

sunlit lovers

spilling like honey from our lips

way too in love

my first & last love

she is what keeps me going

only a fool for you

you’re my future

love comes slyly like a thief

3rd base is when they see you having an anxiety attack

wrapped in your arms i felt like everything could be okay

you have the sweetest soul i have ever seen

i’ll suck your dick if you take your meds

grab the monet & let’s gogh

and i’d choose you ; in a hundred lifetimes, worlds, any version of reality

in the end they died

tragic backstories & height difference

may we meet again

in love with an idiot

you’re so weird (don’t change)

i love you fucker

wanna go to hell together

finger guns but like with emotional attachment and a lot of love

you’re a disaster wanna date

lonely for only you

i can’t believe you’re real

you’ve shown me the light

i wasn’t even looking when i found you

i always think about you

my partner my soldier my fault

worth your weight in gold

my favorite piece of art

we deserve happy

i’ve always belonged to you

great things take time

baby be my lollipop

he was pretty cute for a monster

stopping time one kiss at a time

can’t meet your soulmate if you don’t makeout with strangers

take me back to the night we met

you complete me

soulmates aren’t just lovers

a montage of love

when is a monster not a monster? when you love it

loving you because of & despite the bad

PARENT :

please stop destroying what is left of your heart

laying on the roof of your ‘97 pontiac

he inherited his mother’s charm

knowing how it feels to be cast away

they say: you’re a little too much for me

daddy issues written on your forehead

cosmically impossible

who would want a kid like me?

a letter to my daughter

please don’t give up on me

repeat after me: everything will be okay

her father’s daughter

blood of warriors

anxiously waiting to call that line

a bad childhood doesn’t equal a bad life

we’ve made it this far

her mother cried the day she was born

we didn’t think the monsters could ever be like us

even though there were tears there were tissues too

fearless children who love the light

they forced her into greatness

she calls her parents by their names

i will love you & love you & love you

wasn’t working well from the starter

so afraid of an empty nest

are you proud of me, mama? papa?

inherited her mother’s black anger

a figure in the distance, a movie reel of old pictures

everything my mother prayed i wouldn’t be, i became

you taught me so many things about myself didn’t know

i never did learn much of anything from my mother

the wolf in this fairy tale

loved the point of madness

master of fate

raise hell, kid

he came out of the womb like hannibal sacking rome

didn’t your mother ever tell you not to leave a good thing waiting

to love to the point of madness

when i was just a little girl, i asked my mother, “what will i be?”

he loved her more than his whole life

when will i be good enough for you?

it’s all good when i have you by my side

maxing out daddy’s credit cards

i took nine months to form your heart, do not let anyone break it in seconds

mother says there are locked rooms inside all women

my poor mother begged for a sheep but raised a wolf

every place my mother prayed i wouldn’t go, i went

mother, know, i have pasts inside me i did not bury properly

mother never taught me that just because someone desires you doesn’t mean they value you

born with a thick skull

the people who were supposed to love you more than anyone in this world

spoken to with corporate coldness or demonic tongues

parents who loved them the way we once loved angry gods, leaving offerings and praying for gentle winters

birthed in the form of cherry blossoms

hiding from their dark clouds, boarding up the shutters

kid, you’ve got to love yourself

what came first: humans or despair?

legacy was more important than anything

a lonely child born to lonely parents

it feels so scary getting old

i’m but my mother’s daughter & because of this i can do anything

my parents strength & anger lives in me

original family disappointment

sorry i’m a shit daughter

i love you baby

please come home (i hope you’re okay)

demonic possession & daddy issues

fight for her

just like her father

until every last galaxy dies you have me

which to ask forgiveness for: what am i or what i’m not

i will always stay with you

family first

fairytale childhood

those raised in glass houses

daughter of smoke & bone

one love one house

to die knowing your life was my life’s best part

gay on my mother’s side

nobody’s ever going to love me this much

a collection of horrible people

using “heir” like we are in a shakespearean play

cursing me with happiness

following a set of unwritten rules

this was not the boy they used to know

it just made him kind

to have a precious few people back

you hurt. it’s okay, i hurt too

thank you for always being there for me

was that a compliment?

she was overpraised as a child

better / not bitter

somebody somewhere cares

the oldest or coolest person on earth

fuck you dad

i’m so very proud of you & how hard you’re trying

thank you to someone who always saw the best in me

it ends or it doesn’t

i swear i’m trying my best

they could never see eye to eye

SIBLING :

comparing the twin scars on our forearms

let’s run away together

i love you even though i shouldn’t

two types of the same fool

well used to tragedy

merry band of weirdos

to my siblings: please stop

hurt my sibling & i will kill you

broken dreams club

world’s okayest sister

future cellmate

a force to be reckoned with

your smile lifted the world off me

don’t even think of touching her

a good bro

we may not have had a lot but we had each other

the scorned brother & the only one to make it still

the one with it all

you think you deserved the pain but you didn’t

i can’t remember who the dead one is anymore

i love you / you are not alone / you are daylight

it makes me so mad that they did that to you (and me)

she holds up my sky

always together

i am aware of who you are and what you do

i’m coming for all the monsters that ever touched him

we have blood made of gods and heroes

take back our skin

six am sunrise shining down on us

take back our streets

it’s time to tear their castle down

you don’t know what it’s like to not be wanted

built on the same pretty lie

we learned the truth too late

as golden as they come

no matter what i have you

a drop dead moron

together they’re a fucking hurricane

sour milk children who hiss and spit in father’s eyes

burning down the streets we used to roam

entitled to financial compensation for all this drama

neverending bickering

you used to be so kind

“ even her mugshots were cute “

we have claws for a reason

not mature enough for this

he tried to make everything okay (but he failed)

raised to give themselves a reason to be prideful

they only inherited the same sad eyes

born into needless wealth

carbon copies of one another

sometimes… i can’t even recognize you

the only person that appreciates the irony of legacies like her

the looks she gives him when she sees how he’s tearing himself apart is too much

together they paint an imagined picture of their long gone parents

we were only ever told how to tumble not how to fly

we trust the siren song to call us home

born into the silver of the moon

we are not like the others

i like being alive at the same time as you

your voice is the only answer to my problems

thank you for loving me through it all

if your life must be a battle, don’t fight it alone

promise you’ll come back for me?

never fall for one of them

our old man is a bad man

we’ve all got our secrets

billionaire boys club

sorry i’ve been mean

afraid together

rich girls don’t have hearts

everything is changing

don’t tell them i killed my old self

watch your fucking language little one

why are you always so mean to me

mayhem caused

born to think like martyrs

i’ll find the bad dreams off if they come to get you

something that happened a long time ago and continues to affect us today

there’s nothing wrong with being different

an unremembered bond

don’t touch him

remember you can’t save everyone ; but have to try

no longer making our parents proud together

a golden cage is still a cage

surrounded by idiots

where’s all the time that heals

the hippies

like realizing stuff

you were alone before they left you

please don’t leave me

we met evil when we were only children

the kids with the big big plans

why the fuck do you put up with me?

i feel at home with you

have you seen her?

fighters but not by choice ; by heart

not totally useless, possibly a bad example

star child are you listening? i died that day

i might be an asshole but i’m your favorite asshole

TOXIC RELATIONSHIP :

every time she knocks i can’t help but let her in

in these empty church halls religion shifts and turns and blurs

you feed me small bits of your petrified heart

our love is a monster

lulling me to a hundred year slumber with your kiss

love from the lips of people who don’t understand such a thing

just pretending you don’t know he’s going dark again

a love that’s not easily buried

you were never a saint: i loved in shades of wrong

dipped my hands in holy water just to touch her

they wanted you to save them first

i don’t have any more control

how do you still love me after i’ve broken you

he doesn’t feel anything much less love

you have to let me go

make an altar of this stolen flesh

i love you even with your hands around my throat

i call her the devil cos she makes me want to sin

at least it’s something

these violent delights have violent ends

you were crying, but it was beautiful

i will never know who you were supposed to be

the crazy kind of love

pretending to forget how our scars got there

when love kills

he’s suffocating you but you don’t want to breathe

i will make you crumble to the ground

my heart beats in starts until the spell is broken

there’s a body lying next to him

just let me cry a little longer

i did not know desire does not mean value

killing each other with toy guns

it was a lesson in listening to your head over your heart

i wanted too much and you wanted too little

we weren’t meant for each other

he’s bleeding out

you filled up where used to be empty but only with black

you made me lose my softness

the ones who like me the most are always bad

they threw each other to the wolves

we pretend this works

you say my eyes are getting too dark now (boy, look at my mind)

someone could love you more

you’re my today & tomorrow & i am your yesterday

something about you makes me want to do things i shouldn’t

you taught me how to love wrong

you watch her crumble under the weight of your sins

maybe you were the poison and not the cure

loving him was your destruction

you don’t know why you jumped after her

you always tasted like blood a little too damn much

cities fell when you left me

you make my heart shake bend & break but i can’t turn away

i may not know what love is but i know this isn’t it

it’s easier to destroy something you love than let it leave

did you ever really love me at all?

oh god i am bleeding oh god i am bleeding oh go

 i don’t want to be alone

why did you clip my wings

this is breaking my heart

you made me cry you fuck

self destructive tendencies aren’t a relationship quality

i’m a bad influence but damn i’m fun

fear makes the wolf look bigger

don’t believe his lies

not everyone you lose is a loss

i’m so scared loving you was the only good thing i ever did

you still feel like home

i love you (not delivered)

set a fire down in my soul

heartbreak is not beautiful

i should have trusted my trust issues

kiss the boys and make them die

i think i need you because you don’t need me

they broke the wrong parts of me

i could tear you apart if i wanted

we both wish this was better

and in the end all i learned was how to be strong alone

this destruction will be your rebirth

so the poem hurt you (it was supposed to)

he looks at you like your his entire world

i’m an entire person not a vague concept you dreamt

a perfect match but sadly matches burn

never fucking good enough

loving you could be so fun if i wasn’t so blue and you weren’t so numb

i call your name but it’s fading

you were nothing before you met me

everything i didn’t say

this girl wasn’t like wildfire — she was wildfire

it hurts

teenage tragedy

please could you be tender

a wolf will never be a pet

always disappearing on me

nothing ever ends poetically

why do i still love you?

we are the monsters

am i the villain in your story?

i’m sorry i stabbed you. i love you.

i can’t do this anymore

UNREQUITED :

i’ve fallen in love with someone who can’t be reached

cosmically impossible

just one kiss would solve it all

you’re looking at me how you used to before i broke your heart

what do you know of loneliness? of heartbreak? of biting your tongue to draw blood?

i could never regret meeting you

you don’t even realize how amazing you are

the story still ends

you’re all that’s left for me

i’m so glad someone so beautiful exists at all

i can’t ever believe that anyone ever really starts to fall in love with me

even though you want to speak you say nothing

you want to ask if he meant it when he kissed you

something hurt in you the same way rainclouds hurt before they break open

i’ve been in love with you for so long

unable to stop worrying what she’ll say when she finds out

no proof & one touch

killing me silently

god you hated me or hated that you loved me at least

an insatiable desire

i don’t want to be your friend i want to kiss your neck

the ones you love become ghosts inside you

can’t shake the memory of the summer you stomped my heart out

time doesn’t fucking heal anything

i just needed you to know once

never enough

you sit there & your tongue is tied

the best i can do is a fake smile & dead eyes

maybe one day i’ll stop thinking about you

give me a try

god grant me serenity to not destroy myself with want for this boy

i yearn for her to see past the veil

your glance lingers too long

please look away ; you are too much

a warmth i am too numb to feel

i just don’t want to get hurt

like pandora’s box

a love that makes the moon blush

you don’t have to say anything

our lips do not cannot never will touch

if they don’t come back, you sleep in the middle of the bed, make enough coffee for yourself alone

is it just that you’re not good enough

when he leaves you stay behind like always

she said i love you so damned much, just not like that

the world around you is all knives and chipped teeth and she is too soft to not save

you could never hold her like she deserved

i never needed anyone (until you)

in dreams i meet you in warm conversation

to bathe in one’s own blood

i’ve never felt more alone

we wake in lonely beds in different cities

i probably couldn’t live with or without her now

like a sun is trying to escape me

you consume me

if i told you i loved you what would you say

eventually but not today i think it will stop hurting

i’m drowning myself in alcohol when i really want to drown myself in you

i always think about you

i can’t imagine not loving you anymore

i’ll be your slaughterhouse

i don’t want realism, i want magic

i loved the idea of you more

how to unlove someone

i love everything you hate about yourself

the truth is i’m in love with you

i woke up wanting to kiss you

in a room full of art i’d still stare at you

you made me forget myself

there was just something about you that made me feel special

warning: you must fall in love with me

platonically hurting hands / burning

this bed was fit for two

treat her better

does she hold on to you the way i used to?

i just want to pretend

you make me feel lonely & loved at the same time

holding onto your call

i’m sorry that i fell in love tonight

i can barely breathe

maybe if my heart stopped beating it wouldn’t hurt so much

still sleeping like we’re lovers

maybe it wasn’t you but the idea of you

there’s nothing i can do except bury my love for you

it was all fun and games until i fell in love

you’re looking through me & i can’t see past you

you’re never gonna love me so what’s the use

you hurt me so why the fuck am i apologizing

somebody catch my breath

learning to live without you

please don’t say you love me

my love for you was never much of a choice at all

meeting you felt like wandering into a dream

i’m sorry i couldn’t hold myself back anymore

this is me letting you go

just waiting to feel your touch

living with a shattered heart is hard

you can’t love a legend

i know what we are & what we are not

all that’s left are echoes

my memories were loud enough to drown the silence

WANTED CONNECTION :

you want them to fill the void in your heart

you want them to take away the emptiness

you want them to make you feel complete

i can feel it under my skin

i might really become somebody someday

we are in daylight now

too rich & divine

a whole universe in my mind

a wildness in you

desire is the kind of thing that eats you and leaves you starving

full of heartache and poetry

i am worthy and powerful

we do not perish

let us be reborn in the morning light

her eyes are closed

someone will strike a match on it and they’ll explode

they have something bad inside of them

hurricanes of thoughts

some quality content

desire washes over in waves

the beauty that is yet to come

six feet deep

i cannot afford luxuries like rest anymore

this body's a curse

it’s a great day for being sad

love is love is love

partners in crime

a short story on indiscretion

even a curse sounds holy

biting down upon my lips

a queen’s rise

the words that burn my life

an amorphous kind of reality

your life was a long line of fine

like hell you’re doing that

not violent or malicious: a result

softness as a shield

he can’t fake that

begging for a second of time

thank you for your interest in a life full of pain

please try again & again & again

the person you were & the person you became

no maps of the change

the right way to fall in love

can we just live in the moment?

living life on a line

an ex-almost

my braveheart

it’s always more with you

stay alert & stay alive

come on baby light my fire

ballpark music

am i making sense?

coming out of my cage and i’ve been doing just fuck

everybody knows i’m a mess

murder! intrigue! sex! drugs! classics!

forget about it

you still hurt

do not go gentle into the good light ; rage rage against the dying light

i don’t want to relate to anyone

we should talk

we will be gods

don’t forget me

water in vodka bottles

taking trains to nowhere in particular

say you love satan

just trying to not get arrested again

in the sewers again

the devil’s music

who’s going to stop me?

a date in hell

only the good die young

survivor riddled with arrows

i have seen the future

talk to me (i’m scared to speak)

drive him wild with hints that you know when he will die

are you afraid of yourself?

you are necessary i need you

i like you more than i planned

the sun will come up

i got by own back

help the ghost find his past life

sent here to make shit worse

and all i loved i loved alone

survival mode is not meant to be how you live

your thoughts kill you, don’t they?

as far as anyone knows you do not feel anything

i am so in love (please do not break my heart)

i hope you know how loved you are

fifteen minutes late with starbucks

alluring like wildfire and summer storms

wake up

not afraid to heal

don’t panic

i took care of that thing for you

i made me

midday criss not midlife crisis

just survive somehow

what are some of the ways you’ve died?

the hero of this story