#otp: he likes to drive you crazy

[dasketcherz]

ONE OF THE DIRECTORS OF TTS SHIPPING JAYVIK?? YKNOW, THE SOULMATE LAB PARTNERS FROM ARCANE???

oh sir Tom Caulfield.... you would've loved varigo...

and that makes me wanna scream AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA /VPOS

[lover-of-mine]

Buddie Countdown to Season 7:

42 days.

[xxwhiskeyxx]

Mountain content..

I must ask

Can we get some AFAB Ghoul reader x mountain fluff?

Mountains been head over heels since they were first summoned but he's been too scared to tell them, so for years they never knew until Mountain gets his secret told by one of the ghouls

Possibly Ifrit because this man would ship them so hard and be a little shit about it

Just a thought tho

JUST KISS ALREADY!!!

Hello, my dear Evo, I'm sorry it took me so long to get to your request. But I have finally fulfilled it! Ifrit is the annoying little shit that gets his OTP together. I may have gone stereotypical, but I thought it was cute that went to your request. (Y/N) and Mountain have been in love for years, absolute simps for each other, but the typical oblivious goofball and the stoic one who refuses to believe that their love interest could return their feelings. But Ifrit has a plan, keep them seperated all day then drive the big guy crazy tonight during game night, just how will he do it?

-1275 words

I hope y'all enjoy this! I think it's cute with the little bit of steam at the end -Love Whiskey

Ifrit has been watching Mountain and (Y/N) pine and tiptoe around each other since the young ghouleh had been summoned by Terzo later in his reign as Papa; they had been brought to the surface from the Pit to serve as an instrument tech since they were a Multi ghoul like Swiss and Sunshine. (Y/N) was talented at each instrument, having picked up remarkably quickly on each once they were settled into the Ministry, but their favorite instruments had to be Bass and Percussion, of course, Drums being their top favorite (Sorry, Not Sorry :P) 

They have been on every tour since their summoning and have grown close with all the ghouls, most of all the lumbering giant of an Earth ghoul with whom they share a love of music. Mountain and (Y/N) have been the best of friends for years and, without the other knowing, star-crossed lovers who are so oblivious that it hurts. 

Ifrit finds it annoying that his favorite couple does not seem to know how to get together, so he comes up with a plan after listening to Mountain complain about (Y/N) being stolen anytime he wants to talk to them. 

“Hey (Y/N)! Can you come help me with something?” The Fire ghoul calls across the garden as he jogs up to the multi. He grinned as he saw the (height) (h/c) ghoul perk up in surprise from their conversation with Pebble and Mountain. “Sure, what’s up, fritter?” They ask, tilting their head as they stand, brushing off the dirt from their knees. Ifrit notices how Mountain stares up at them from where he’s half kneeling, still chest height with the multi, “I have a favor to ask. Can you come with me?” Ifrit chirps.

(Y/N) smiles, “Of course!” And off they go, IfritIfrit smiling widely as he notices the giant get up with a huff and head off in another direction. 

The Fire ghoul continues this the rest of the day, never leaving the pair alone. He watches as the normally level-headed and stoic ghoul gets more and more frustrated every time he steals the Multi away, not missing the glares he sends when he sees the himbo wrap a friendly arm around their waist. 

But it all comes to a head that night during their weekly game night; Swiss and Sunshine had come up with the idea of truth or dare spin the bottle. Everyone took turns spinning the quickly emptied wine bottle and acting out the various inane antics and deep truths they had given. Delta admitted to having once fucked Terzo on the balcony of a fancy hotel, and that’s why they were banned; Cirrus performed a lap dance for Rain, who turned the color of the deep ocean in embarrassment before hiding in Dewdrop’s lap for the rest of the night, and Ifrit will never forget seeing Alpha dressed in a maid outfit (Satan knows where Special got the thing) and romantically dancing with Aether. 

But things got spicy as the bottle slowed (Y/N). Ifrit grins as he sees his newest victim. Leaning forward, the Fire ghoul smirks. “Truth or dare, little one,” he purrs, watching as Mountain stiffens at the name. 

(Y/N) grins, “Dare bitch, hit me with your best shot!” Ifrit’s grin only grows as he glances around the circle before coming to rest on his kin, who is dressed only in a muscle shirt and dark jena

Alpha chuckles darkly as he watches them blush, the former lead guitarist hadn’t been shy about his interest in the Multi with his flirting and open offers of them coming to him if they needed help with anything.  

(Y/N)’ s face is a deep scarlet in record time as they glance over at the large ghoul, tail flittering with nerves, “uh..h..how long?” They stutter

Ifrit grins, “just one song,” already scrolling for the perfect song in his playlist. Swiss is already running to set up the designated chair for the dare, a deep red plush armchair (I’m uncreative, sue me) 

Alpha smirks as he gets up, “cmon squirt, let’s see those moves.” moving to sit in the chair as if uninterested, even if the way he’s watching them like he’s about to eat them says otherwise. Ifrit watches as Mountain knuckles whiten as he grips his pant legs. 

Soon, Minerva by Deftones spills through the speakers as (Y/N) stands, sauntering over to Alpha and swinging their hips as they walk. Thankful that they wore their ripped jeans and not the shorts they’d planned on, (Y/N) leans down to caress warm, toned arms as they roll their body sensually. 

Ifrit grins as he watches Mountain’s rage bubble to the surface. Alpha smirked and enjoyed his show, his hands holding the Multi’s hips as they ground on his lap. 

As soon as the song is over, Alpha is quick to tug (Y/N) into his lap and whisper something in their ear that has them blushing and giggling like a schoolgirl. This snaps the giant’s resolves. 

With one fluid motion, Mountain stands and stomps over, scooping up (Y/N) from the Fire ghoul’s lap and heads down the hallway. 

“So…game over?” Special chirps from where he’s lounged in Omega’s lap like a house cat 

~To Our Lovebirds~

“Mountain! Mountain, put me down! What’s wrong with you!” (Y/N) shrieks as the said ghoul kicks open his door and throws them on his bed with a grunt. Within seconds, the giant is on top of them, chest heaving as he attempts to calm himself, “What’s wrong with me?! Watching you grind on that asshat has driven me fucking crazy! Nobody should touch you like that but me! Not Alpha, not Ifrit, not anybody! Not unless they’re me! I love you, and I refuse to watch someone else touch what’s mine,” he shouts, face softening as he sees the fear in their eyes. 

Pushing up and leaning back on his heels, rubbing his face with the heels of his palms, “I’m sorry…I just… I’ve loved you since the day we met, and..watching him touch and look at you like that after Ifrit’s been stealing you all day was just too much. It… it’s okay if you don’t feel the same,” his voice hoarse as if holding back emotions

(Y/N) says nothing and stares at him for a moment before crawling towards him. Glancing up at them, “What are you doing?” 

Mountain asks, confused, before he’s pulled into a warm kiss, and his world explodes with color.��

The kiss lasts a seemingly endless amount of time, yet it feels like it ends too soon as (Y/N) pulls away. “I have loved you every day since you took me to the garden. Please know that I am yours as much as you are mine,” they whisper.

The drummer groans and tugs them into a possessive and needy kiss that quickly turns spicier as whines and growls echo under the door.

Just on the other side, a certain Himbo sits, giggling as his plan works. "“You really had to play the jealousy card?” Special asks as they flop beside him. “Yep!” Ifrit pops the P as he listens to the slowly growing noises that come through the door. 

Special smirks, “How about you come with me, and we help poor Alpha through his horny heartbreak?” 

They don’t finish their sentence before Ifrit darts down the hallway. Standing and brushing imaginary dirt from themselves, they hear a surprisingly low-pitched whine that sounds suspiciously like Mountain, “always knew he was a bottom.” they chuckle as they follow Ifrit.

[aragaki]

Darlin/Pack Members

Because my self-control is zero and I just think Darlin' is the most interesting listener character who also deserves the entire world and William Solaire's wallet.

Milo

Already wrote some about them here but they're my non-canon otp so ofc I wanna talk about them more

The pack's most photogenic couple. Milo puts in the effort to look good and dress well but Darlin' is just the most effortlessly good-looking. They can roll out of bed in yesterday's clothes and unbrushed hair and any candid shot looks like it belongs on an influencer's curated social media. It drives poor Milo crazy.

Before they moved in together, Milo would send messages to Darlin' throughout the day to let them know what he was up to and where he was going. They never asked but he knows it makes them more comfortable and he's always happy to do it.

Christian can't make his jokes about Milo's wolf size for nearly as long when he's mates with Darlin'. Darlin' isn't a brute, they're a protector, so of course they notice the way Milo's smile tightens when Christian piggybacks onto Ash's jokes. They give him three chances to knock it off and after he doesn't listen to them on strike three, they start swinging. Darlin' doesn't ask Milo to talk to David about how he's feeling but he has to anyway when David interrogates him about what caused Darlin' to break Christian's nose.

Darlin' has always been Marie's favorite and she has no problem saying as much. She's wanted them as her kid for as long as she's known them, little spitfire that they are, and is beyond happy when Milo finally makes it official.

This also means that Marie is Darlin's primary healer and gives them twice the ration of shit that she gives anyone else - including Milo! She loves them so much but will not hesitate to kick their ass for being reckless.

Milo is without a doubt Darlin's lifeline during pack meetings. It's a lot, being home and surrounded by people you thought would be fine without you - who are upset with you for thinking so - and Milo knows all the best places to escape with them. They never admit to needing a breather but he always knows.

Milo and Darlin train together!! They absolutely do!! Darlin' knows they can rock Milo's shit and he does too, and he loves it. When they spar or box together it's always going to end in a makeout session. He can't help it, they look so damn fine all fired up and sweaty. They've absolutely gotten caught but no amount of teasing will get them to stop.

Darlin' doesn't mind dressing up for Milo. It's not their thing usually, simple and maneuverable works best for them but every now and again they can be persuaded with plenty of kisses. Fancy restaurants make them feel out of place but Milo always seems so happy to see them under the light of glittery chandeliers and that makes them happy too.

One time he did manage to piss off Darlin' during a fancy dinner so they pretended to propose to him in front of the entire restaurant and it nearly gave him a heart attack. The cake and champagne they were given more than made up for it though.

When Darlin' sits down, Milo has the habit of coming up behind them and massaging their shoulders and neck. He has a hard time keeping his hands off of them at the best of times but he wants to help get rid of some of their stress so small random massages are his way of helping with that.

Darlin' likes things that are simple and physical, they're a tactile person so they've absolutely got a photo album of them and Milo. Marie even gave them some old pictures of them together from their teens for it. Milo finds it one day by accident and if it had him crying on their bedroom floor for 15 minutes that's between him and Aggro.

Speaking of Aggro, he has a love-hate relationship with Darlin'. They're convinced the cat hates them, the way he swats at them and hisses. They say Milo is Aggro's person and he's jealous that Darlin' takes up so much of his attention. But every night, he tries to climb up and sleep on Darlin's chest, head resting under their chin. And if Milo tries to move him to cuddle with Darlin' he gets a full-force bapping to the face until he gives up and lets Aggro do what he wants.

Darlin' has absolutely shifted and laid down so Aggro could climb up onto their back and nap there. They'll never tell a soul.

I talked about it in my other Milo post but Milo kissing Darlin's scars!! They've been through so much and it's affected their self-image so much. Milo can't stand that. So he kisses each and every one, even the ones that make Darlin' lip curl in disgust at themselves, and say something about them that he loves. Physical, emotional, about their personality. Anything. This praise king could go on forever. And he means it and that's what makes Darlin's heart ache the most.

And when they start to believe it, Milo couldn't be more proud. The crease between their brows when they see themselves smoothes out. They don't sneer at the bite marks that are dotted around their skin nearly as much. They get confidence in how they look, and in how desirable Milo finds them. He can't wait until it turns into true self-love.

Milo has no problem being the in-between for Darlin' and David. Both have strong personalities. Both can word things that, while meant to be loving, can be harsh and wound the one who hears them. Milo doesn't have a lot of patience, but he is fluent in Grumpy Wolf at this point. His interventions have honestly brought the unintentional hostility between them down and made it easier for them to talk about their thoughts, feelings, and opinions on their own.

When they're shifted, they're almost always stuck together. Doesn't matter if it's a hunt, a run during the Solstice, anything. They will not be separated. They're both ready to throw themselves headfirst into whatever danger might happen to protect the other, much to the exhaustion of the rest of the pack who really wish they would just stop throwing themselves into danger.

Asher

"Well mark me down as scared AND horny!" Has been Ash's response to basically everything Darlin' has done since they were teens.

Seriously, there would be no denying that Darlin' intimidated Asher when they joined the pack. A new wolf from outside of Dahlia joins the pack with a chip on their shoulder a mile wide and so fearless they'll jump in first into any problem??? They're intimidating but also!! They aren't mean to him!!

He was without a doubt one of the members of the pack who tried to help Darlin' integrate the most. He'd include them in anything he could, even if it made his other friends side-eye him. He was shameless about it too!! If they wouldn't spend time with him, he'd be following them around like a lost puppy. It was like they had a second shadow.

Some members of the pack scoff and roll their eyes at Asher but not Darlin'. Even if they don't seem interested in his rambling they're always paying attention. They've always listened. And he didn't realize how important that was to him until it was gone.

Becoming pack beta and David's second in command was a huge shift and he's well aware that plenty of people don't think he's up for it. But Darlin' was never one of them. They had their own quiet belief in Ash and what he could do, never questioned his fit for the role. Even as they withdrew from the pack they knew that David could handle it if he had Asher's support.

After Darlin' fell into the wrong crowd, Ash was the most vocal about getting them back and bringing them home. No argument mattered to him, Darlin' was a member of the pack and they needed to be there. He wasn't above saying it was just because he missed them. That didn't change when they stopped being teenagers. He still feels like a dumb kid with a huge crush who missed his chance.

Then, all at once, it all falls apart. Darlin's unempowered friend is almost killed, by Darln's own mate, and the Shaw pack is rallying behind them to try and push the department to act. Then it goes quiet. They leave, saying they're heading up to be with their family and Ash feels like someone hollowed out his chest. It's how he imagined it feels like when someone's mate dies - a constant ache in his chest. Which he knows he shouldn't feel because regardless of his feelings Darlin' isn't his mate. Hell, they just had to leave theirs because he was a shitty person!!

He's confused and it only gets worse when he finds out Darlin' had been lying to them. That Quinn was still at large, that they put the pack at risk, that they were putting themselves at risk trying to handle it alone. They didn't rely on the pack. On their friends. On him. And his impostor syndrome kicks him off on a spiral. But it doesn't take much to pull him out of it, not when Darlin' is finally back in his life.

As mates, Ash is the Will Smith red carpet meme. He wants everyone to look at his mate, to know that he's their mate and they're soooo in love!! It drives poor Darlin' insane.

And he can get away with it!! And damn near anything because Darlin' is so weak to Ash's puppy dog eyes. They have been since they were teens. If Asher wants a grilled cheese at 3 AM all he has to do is flash those eyes and Darlin' is hauling themselves out of bed, but grumbling about it the entire way.

Asher and Darlin' spend a lot of downtime gaming together. They trade recommendations back and forth, play each other's favorites, and terrorize everyone else who ends up in their lobbies. Darlin' can get a little heated and toxic during PVP but it's always defused by Asher doing an uwu voice and making Darlin' choke on their laughter.

David and Milo are happier than Asher when they finally get together, they've been listening to his lovesick pining for years and they're TIRED.

David

aka the character that got me into shipping Darlin' with their pack members

David and Darlin have such an interesting dynamic!! The devoted pack alpha and the wayward lone wolf. They both have strong personalities and we've seen them come into conflict with each other

But there's love there. There always has been.

I fully believe that in a David/Darlin' relationship, it'd be a case of he fell first and fell harder. It wasn't love at first sight, David's a bit too cynical for that even before his dad died. But there was a pull to the newcomer that drew him in and helping them settle in wasn't just because of his role as beta.

They were always there, in the background of David, Milo, and Asher's teenage years but never front and center. Always on the fringes, like they never found their footing. Something he wouldn't notice until it was too late.

Then Gabriel dies and Darlin' got together with Quinn. Instead of being distant, they're absent entirely. David knows that Quinn is their mate but something about that burns at his core, makes him feel queasy and unsettled. Like it's wrong. But htere's nothing he can do, he has a pack to run and protect.

The anger and hurt he feels when he finds out that they've been lying to him for so long. That they're trying to hunt down Quinn on their own, so stubborn and self-destructive. The fact that they consider themselves expendable and would risk breaking themselves to avenge their friend and protect the pack. He wants to shake them by the shoulders and tell them they're loved but he knows it'll be better to show them instead.

The pack meeting goes better than he hoped, with members both scolding and reassuring Darlin' of their place and their value. He watches them the whole time out of the corner of his eye and he says it's because he wants to make sure they don't bolt but he knows deep down he's just happy to see them back where they belong

The road to becoming mates is even more bumpy with Darlin' than it would be with Angel. He has to balance being their alpha and their partner and he already feels like he's failed them as a leader, they couldn't even trust him about Quinn.

The shift to being mates came with no small amount of arguing. Darlin' likes to fight with David on just about everything and it drives him crazy. It doesn't matter what it is, big or small it's always some kind of fight or contest and it makes his blood boil but at the same time he loves that little sparkle they get in their eye whenever they challenge him.

When there's a pack run and they're all shifted there's a 100% chance that Darlin' is gonna slam into David's flank and snap at him. Doesn't matter how many times he tells them to stop over the link, they're always going to start shit in a way even Asher wouldn't try.

Honestly, it's like David has two betas the way Darlin' and Asher flank him. And Darlin' isn't above mean-mugging clients if they think they aren't being taken seriously. (again, David tells them to stop. They don't.)

Scary movie nights are even more fun when David and Darlin' are sat next to each other, the contrast makes Darlin's abject terror even more hilarious.

[kateknowsdramas]

I'm watching monarch industry on your rec and 42 eps in I really like it but I'm sorry so far I'm not seeing the most ride or die otp he's crazy about her and has done everything in his power and 100 times more to take care of her and her awful family including giving up the token kneeling all night giving her another wedding after finding out she can't have children and 60 other things of immense magnitude that show he loves more than anything and she's just idk what she's doing but it's certainly nothing or even close to what he is like is she's even being vicious in some moments like telling him he doesn't know what family means like is the ride or die coming in the last 20 eps ? Cause I know we get her being badass and protecting the city etc but that was like 20 eps ago and when I see "one of the most ride or die otps of all time" I expect equal devotion in their actions or idk what ride or die means

Hi Anon:

That's so interesting to hear your perspective. I can see where it seems that he's doing more for her than she is for him, but I disagree with you that it's not equal devotion.

Xiao Qi obviously has many scenes that showcase how devoted to Awu he is but there are so, so many that show how much she loves him and works to protect him as well. Her method is more quiet and done with intent but it's still her devotion to him that shines through.

I probably can't go through the entire show to pull examples but I'll link to some gifsets that demonstrate how she shows her love and devotion to him:

The scene where she punishes the women for trying to set Xiao Qi up by poisoning him

When they're out in the native lands and she uses the local custom of the woman dancing with the man they want to marry to stake her claim on him. The happiness she shows when she's with him shines through this entire sequence

She embroiders him a full on cloak to wear into battle

She flat out tells him "We live and die together" when they're facing a horde at the gates

Again, she tells him he's the most important to her and she will always be by his side.

When he's leaving under the guise of them being 'estranged' and they just look at each other to acknowledge they are with one another to the end.

This small moment where she makes him pinky promise that they will always be honest with each other.

I mean, I could say more. And I'm sure @dangermousie can come up with a ton more examples. But Awu is 100% devoted to her man and backs it up with words and action.

No, she doesn't drive off a cliff to protect her man like our girl Hee Joo in Phone Rings - but her quiet strength and loyalty along with her outward badassery (protecting the town and riding out to confront the invaders alone) is incredibly evident all throughout the drama. You can search my blog for lots of evidence of her love and devotion to her husband.

So I stand by the two of them as equally ride or die, in my humble opinion.

[dadvans]

9-1-1 S8x04 Liveblog Notes

This episode starts and ends with Bobby being underestimated by Gerrard in completely unique ways. Amazing.

Underrated line: "So they took my house from me. Yes, it was humiliating. Well, I'm sorry, sweetheart, but I'm back." I really don't think Gerrard is fully gone. We know there will be more Hotshots + Brad this season. Gerrard is a man who survives out of spite, and there are depths of his hatred we don't even know.

I'm so curious about how Gerrard has, if I remember correctly, said mooks twice. Gerrard/Sal OTP.

As long as we're going to talk about Gerrard, I'm adding this here much, much later: awful, terrible people have good sides to them. This will always be true, especially for powerful people. I've seen a few different interpretations of "Tight End," but I'm going to be real with you all from someone who grew up in male spaces? This is affection. This is Old Guard shit. It is not good. It is the kind of preferential affection that tells you that you're on thin ice but you're special enough or good enough if you work hard, and you've been noticed. Your name will always be your strongest weakness. Someone has their eye on you. You can be called out by the leader something awful, but at least you have a name. (My coach's name for me was "Bruiser.")

Buck is terrible at golf. I feel like there was a lot of spec this episode about his outfit: that's just a golf outfit. Buck strikes me as the kind of guy who knows how to socially fake appearances, and Gerrard isn't calling him on his terrible performance here. NOTABLY: in terms of performance, Oliver Stark can act his way through terrible drives down the line with the addition of SFX and flailing with the net, but I'm still frustrated at how capable he was in the basketball montage in s7 after Buck is supposed to hate/suck at basketball.

Yes, you can be good at a sport and hate it. That's me with golf. That's Buck with basketball.

Someday, if anyone ever wants, I would love to nerd out about how they blocked and choreographed the basketball scene, because it DOES make me a little crazy.

Did they actually play a full 18 after this? And Buck survived?

The apartment Bobby and Athena are looking at is at least $2mil. It actually looks like several listings where I was trying to gauge new build in surrounding neighborhoods when I was writing "An Outlier."

Michael... plans. I find it a little weird that Athena would do it, a lot weird she would do it without Bobby. Bobby and Michael had a good relationship! But then Athena was excited! It's a weird way to navigate how Michael can't physically appear in the show anymore. It almost feels like a regression, because Bobby and Michael were so close. Michael would probably have reached out to Bobby if Athena reached out to him. I miss their made, intentional, yet triumphant family so much (including May and Harry).

I was SO into Chimney pointing out the obvious about the blueprints until he made it about the 118-- although his Gerrard impression was the unsettling kind of impressive.

The tiger would have simply become friends with me and I would have called 9-1-1 while we were chilling on the couch together. But I would have told them it was okay and to never come because I found my best friend forever.

Crazy that they had to use a tranq dart. I simply would have entered the apartment and said hello and the tiger would have recognized me as a friend and we would have left together laughing over shared interests.

I totally think Eddie violated HIPAA contacting an underage patient's parent without his OR his guardian's permission. Eddie also showed said parent photos of his son's injury that Eddie had taken without permission. The mother even clarified that she would not notify the father. For me, the biggest implication here is that Eddie's on-the-job performance (despite being impeccable during the emergency itself) could begin to suffer, or his ability to remain impartial in situations will continue to take hits before it gets better without Christopher.

People are BIG MAD about the above opinion on Reddit. Why are you booing me, I'm right.

I had an HR post script about how Bobby financially runs his department here and how he underhires with overperformers to navigate attrition, but it is lost to time. I guess we will never know how my sexy HR brain works in a situation that it has never been in, but I'm sure I was right, because I always am.

[lover-of-mine]

yes, a major thing about them is that they talk around things and hope the other one will just get what they mean without actually saying it, and they just, keep misunderstanding each other. Things would work out if they just, said what they actually mean for once when it comes to what the two of them have been through together.

About the discussion we've been having on my post about Eddie still having guilt over the tsunami, I think it makes a lot of sense with the way their characters are built, Buck might feel guilt over the fact that he couldn't control his reaction and alerted Eddie of Shannon, Eddie still carries the guilt of forcing Buck to get out of bed and accidentally sending Buck and Chris to the tsunami, Buck never got over anything in his life so he definitely still feels bad for losing Chris, and the fact that they never talked about the well actually infuriates me. The well was such a defining moment in their relationship and they never talked about it. Even without the way the team was treating Buck as a victim's spouse and the way Buck was completely irrational by trying to dig Eddie up, being down there made Eddie decide to give Buck his son. The fact that they never really talked about it is insane, because Eddie changed the very nature of their relationship after that, you can't just offer your kid to some guy you've known for a what? 2 years tops at the time? And never discuss the reason behind the decision (Eddie say i love you like a normal person I'M BEGGING YOU) and they keep going around the edges of the situation without ever looking at it in the eyes and I think they really need to sit down and just... Talk. About everything. Shannon's death, the tsunami, the lawsuit, the well and obviously the shooting and the lightning but also focusing on the feelings that come with watching someone you love going through trauma, not just supporting someone you love through their trauma. I think Buck would even benefit of talking about how he felt when Chris called him when Eddie took a baseball bat to everything he owns. They need to deal with the guilt and all other underlying feelings that exists there.

But since Buck doesn't believe his own worth and thinks he's not allowed his feelings, he thinks he just needs to shove it away (and he is shoving it away per Eddie's request because he focused on his hurt and what he got was everyone he loves mad at him and Eddie basically calling him selfish so he stopped asking in a way, and the grocery store fight is fueled by anger and I don't really think Eddie meant it, he just wasn't used to not have Buck prioritize him and lashed out, but Buck internalizes this stuff, like when Bobby says Buck calls him pops but we never see Buck calling him that because Bobby said they're not a family and Buck internalized the shit out of that) so he won't feel like he's making it about himself and Eddie overcorrects, so when he forced Buck to deal with something, the tsunami happened, he took a step back and Buck filed a lawsuit so dude probably thinks he needs to wait for Buck to come to him with it if he needs to, but Buck won't so they just... Don't do anything about it.

(bottle episode but it's just Buck and Eddie trapped in an elevator discussing their various shared traumas when)

YES THIS!!! EXACTLY THIS!!! I think you summed up pretty much everything I feel about Buck, Eddie, Buddie and guilt.

And you’re right about something else! The thing about them is that they don’t talk - ever - not about the important things, not about the things that matter, not about the things that could potentially unmake them!!! And they know!!!! Like, they must know, right????? That they tip toe around the big things.

So yeah they need to talk! Absolutely, big bottle episode with them trapped somewhere and just unleashing everything they need to say!

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack - Playful and Crazy

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, I've decided to just write something in the spirit of love. What better way to show myself love than with some sugary sweet self-indulgence with my OTP? I just let things flow wherever it took me with Alice and Jack loving on each other, without really fretting about any bigger purpose, polishing, or any real beginning or end.

No real warnings apply, just some sweet making out and silliness from a clown who has an appreciation for television and a ray of sunshine who drives him crazy. Who doesn't love to reference a good sitcom that they grew up with when the mood is right?

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you all have a wonderful one and that you enjoy my story. Love you all and, as always, thanks for reading and sending me sweet comments!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

...

Alice ran her fingers through his blue hair. It felt soft and silky, not at all stiff like a wig or as if it was dyed. Jack let out a low, pleased rumble at the back of his throat as he leaned into her touch. His expression was one of pure contentment as his eyes drifted closed. His adorable dreamy smile seized her heart in a gentle squeeze.

“Alice,” Jack sighed. He shifted as Alice brought her fingers back to his forehead, nuzzling into her arm before pressing his lips to her wrist. “My sunshine…”

Alice shivered at the way his voice and warm breath caressed her skin. “Jack…,” she said softly as he planted another kiss there, then another. Slowly he worked his way down his arm, planting countless playful pecks that tickled and warmed her all at once.

“Cara mia,” Jack said with a playful note to his voice, his eyes dancing as he met her gaze.

Alice tried not to laugh, but it escaped her anyway in a snort. Of course this television clown would make a TV show reference. “You’re so cheesy,” she teased before breaking off into giggles as he peppered her with intentionally ticklish kisses.

“Querida mia,” Jack cooed in a poor Italian accent. His movements became a bit more exaggerated with every kiss, making the reference even more intentional, but each kiss carried his sincere love for her.

Alice giggled as she watched her silly clown perform, using her arm as a prop. “Do you even know what that means?”

“No,” Jack admitted playfully between kisses. “But I do know that it means you’re the only one for me, sunshine.”

Alice felt a flush of warmth that brought a rosy hue to her cheeks. “You’re the only one for me too, mi amor.”

Jack’s eyes sparkled with excitement, and he flashed a wide smile. “Sunshine, that’s French!” He practically attacked her arm with kisses. “You know it drives me crazy when you speak French.”

Alice fought not to laugh at his silly antics, giving him a smile that barely managed to hold onto its wry hook. “A-actually that’s Spanish.”

Jack paused for a moment, as if caught off guard or contemplating, before he went back to kissing her arm. “Alice, that’s Spanish! You know it drives me crazy when you speak Spanish.”

Alice couldn’t hold back her laughter that time, and every kiss only made her cackle even more.

It was only when Jack worked his way up to her shoulder and his lips found her neck that Alice started to go breathless for a different reason. Silly pecks slowly started to linger, his mouth gently sucking on her skin with every kiss that blazed a trail upward along the hollow of her throat. Gently, he raked his teeth along her skin before nibbling on a particularly sensitive part, eliciting a gasp that turned into an adorable almost mewling sound.

“God…,” Jack murmured against her neck, and Alice could feel his smile against her skin. “It drives me crazy when you make those noises for me, sunshine.” He leaned back just enough to see her flushed face, those plump pink lips that beckoned for his. “You drive me crazy… so, so crazy…”

Alice didn’t get a chance to respond before Jack claimed her lips with his. She moaned what would have been his name if his tongue didn’t slide into her mouth to twine with hers, making words impossible. She gave up on any sort of witty retort and savored the kiss instead, wrapping her arms around her lover’s neck to draw him closer.

It was only when both of them were left breathless and gasping desperately for air that they parted, mouths wet and connected for a moment more after that. Jack admired the haze of love and desire that clouded her bright blue eyes, taking pride in knowing that he was the cause of it. He was the reason she was so worked up. He was the only one she looked at that way, the only one who she would ever look at this way.

A part of Jack wanted to show off, to brag to the world that only he was worthy of Alice. He was the only one who could drive her wild and make her weak with need. Another part of him was greedy like a dragon with its hoard, wanting to lock her away in their own little world where no one could take her from him. Nothing would take his sunshine away from him. He’d never allow it.

It scared him sometimes how badly he needed her.

“I can’t help it,” Jack said softly, more to himself than her. “I can’t help but be crazy for you, Alice. I love you so much… I need you.”

His answer was a kiss, as Alice pulled him back to her. Jack melted into her lips, moaning as she took the initiative to deepen the kiss, sliding her tongue along his intimately. She twined her fingers through his hair, tracing hearts along his scalp and making him shiver as the kiss ended.

“I love you too, Jack,” Alice said breathlessly. She placed a kiss on his painted nose before giving him a crooked smile. “You’ve made my life crazy, you silly clown, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Jack chuckled as Alice teasingly poked her tongue out at him before he captured it with his lips, leading them into another deep, wet kiss. He pulled her close, savoring the warmth of her body against his, how her delicate fingers toyed with his hair and scalp.

“Good,” Jack said once they caught their breath again. “Because I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Alice said as she playfully, but gently, tugged on his hair for emphasis.

Jack shivered at the feeling and his smile took on a hungry edge to it, like a predator salivating over his prey. “You can hold onto me as tight as you want,” he practically purred before his voice turned teasing. “You can pull on my hair as hard as you like too. I don’t mind, you know~!”

Alice blushed harder at his suggestion and sputtered for a moment before she recovered. “You really are a crazy clown,” she said with a soft chuckle, before giving his  hair a slightly firmer tug. “Just… let me know if it’s too hard.” Her smile faded just a little. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” Jack said. His voice was soft but full of conviction so strong that Alice couldn’t help but believe it too. “Don’t worry… I’m tougher than I look, you know. Besides, I’d enjoy it if you played a little rough with me sometimes.” He added a playful wink to lighten the mood. “I love how gentle you are with me, Alice, but I’d love to drive you just as crazy as you make me. I want you to lose control with me, go wild for me, want me, need me, until you can’t think about anything else but me… how much you love me and I love you.”

Alice let out a quiet chuckle at that. “Trust me, there’s no one else who makes me wild like you, starlight.” She punctuated her words by nipping at his lower lip before drawing back. “I’m crazy for you, Jack. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Alice,” Jack sighed happily before he closed the distance between them in another kiss. He smiled against her lips as he felt her give his hair another, much more firm tug. He moaned her name in approval before drinking deeply of that sweet mouth that always knew the right words to say to fill his heart with love.

[doverstar]

abed/annie is my community otp, so I would love to hear your essay if you’re willing to share ♥️

girl it would be my pleasure

this is going to be an absolutely enormous word-vomit, please prepare-

I want to start off by saying I actually think Abed is genuinely a little bit crazy. Yes, he might be on the spectrum or have some disorder but the show is so loose with that it never really confirms it, so I’m not going to confirm it either, I just think there’s something-something-spectrum there but I’m not educated enough to understand exactly what they’re communicating he has or is dealing with. I think the safest thing to assume is indeed that he’s insane (he said it himself; he saw literal lava when Troy was leaving) but in a small, functional, unique way that doesn’t make him dangerous except when he wants to cut people’s arms off because “Evil Abed has taken over” hello someone do something about that –

Anyway. It’s super difficult for me to understand what goes on in his head episode-to-episode, but with Annie it’s actually easier? Abed has such a specific set of needs when it comes to relationships that it’s a miracle he found the study group at all. He’s so smart and creative and he’s actually very empathetic and sweet but he doesn’t always seem to know how to express things.

Annie is clearly Abed’s second-best friend in the show (it helps that the actor/actress are best friends too). When he can’t turn to Troy, he can always turn to Annie. She understands him and there’s never been a point where we see that start or end—it just naturally happened and they’re both used to it. Abed is always touching her, always sitting by her, always making eye contact with her, and if you pay close attention to even background scenes, he’s measuring her reactions to things more often than anyone else’s. If I had to guess, I think she’s the group member he understood faster than any of the others. Abed (this is, from what I’m told, part of being on the spectrum? but like I said I am uneducated and don’t want to definitively say something the show decided not to be clear about) needs certain things to be a certain way, or he can’t operate normally. He panics, or gets angry, or tries to mutilate Jeff Wingers. He genuinely thinks he is crazy, and he genuinely thinks no one he meets will be able to deal with him for an extended amount of time. (Let’s begin at the beginning from his POV.) Abed meets Annie (and the group), and she seems like the typical Molly Ringwald girl-next-door; pretty, smart, wants popularity, ambitious. That’s why he chose her when he created the study group. Annie is all of these cliched things, but hey, quickly it’s pretty clear Annie needs things to be a certain way. Annie needs structure and lists and good grades. So she gets it when Abed needs that, what a pleasant surprise! And part of that is that Annie empathizes with everyone around her, without even trying, so much so that she’s depicted often as the heart of the whole study group. She gets Abed, both because they’re the same in lots of ways and they’re the opposite. She can crush easily, explode easily, cry easily, laugh easily. Everything Abed has no idea how to emote. Annie is a volcano of emotions, and they’re triggered most when she’s feeling because of or on behalf of other people.

So here’s this girl near his own age who is orderly and structured, and knows how other people feel and can enter in with them emotionally, including Abed. She’s so nice, and tries so hard. She’s even good at playing pretend (Mixology Certification, party of one?). What a perfect leading lady for the life-movie Abed sees everywhere he goes (because that’s how he makes sense of the world). Annie is the ideal female star he’d want in any story: the girl full of passion and drive.

But then there’s Jeff—the study group’s Judd Nelson—presumably the perfect leading man. When Abed first handpicks the group in the pilot and first season, Jeff wants Britta. Hey, that makes sense, Britta seems to be the leading lady type, actually! She’s nice, she’s strong, she’s beautiful. Works perfectly. And look, Annie wants Troy—the brainy bubbly girl wants the dumb jock, that makes sense too. Everything works. Then things start changing within the dynamic. Troy is actually not that dumb, and not that sports-obsessed—he’s fun, and he’s the ideal bro for Abed, but he doesn’t work with Annie. Britta is not that nice, and not that strong—she’s bad at everything, and she doesn’t understand people, she just wants to and is constantly trying to portray (and then hopefully become) the kind of person that does. And Jeff is a stunted jerk who needs reformation.

Oh, Annie is Abed’s friend now too. She said it herself, and that’s rare in Abed’s life. She called them really good friends, and that’s so important to him that he’ll sit in a room for 26 straight hours with nothing to do because Annie asked him to do it. Troy is not the only character Abed would give up control for. There’s one other from the start, because the moment she told him with all her earnest doe-eyedness they were friends, she had him hook line and sinker.

Season 1 progresses. Jeff and Britta might still work, and Abed seems mildly interested in that if only for the cliches—maybe Britta can make him better. No, wait, Britta is bad at that too. Actually, they’re not good for each other. Actually, they’re bad for each other—they’re bad for everyone. But they have similar terrible flaws and habits, so maybe they do make a good pair. Still fine leads. Still works. And besides, Annie has filled in the place of Troy with hippie Vaughn, which is also fine. Doesn’t really work long-term, but Jeff and Britta drive the plot forward more anyway, so the focus should be on them, right? The group is working. The group is thriving. The TV of life moves along.

(Except Jeff kissed Annie to win the Man Is Good/Evil debate. And Abed predicted it. Which means he was thinking about that as a possibility, because he operates on variables and tries to understand outcomes so that he’s not surprised by anything and can keep his friends for longer by relating to and reacting to them better. Jeff has leading man vibes, Annie has leading lady vibes, that’s one potential outcome. And though he insists he’s just making hypotheses based on what he’s learned about his friends so far, when it does happen right in front of them in real life, they kiss, Abed is just as shocked as the others—he literally can’t take his eyes off them until the debate is won. Then afterward, he tells Shirley he can’t predict the future and uses his plans for Pierce being discovered as a genius next in his home-movies as an example, which he believes would never happen—then Britta calls Pierce a genius right in front of him and Abed looks visibly concerned. Maybe what he predicts about his friends will keep happening, even the things he thinks are the least likely of the potential outcomes. Maybe even Jeff and Annie as the two leads. But that doesn’t make sense, does it? Jeff and Britta are endgame, aren’t they? Annie is too young for a leading man like Jeff. Annie is too nice; Jeff is too selfish. Annie is gorgeous and driven, Jeff is handsome and needs fixing, that would work, no, it would change things too much, it’s too unlikely, back to Jeff and Britta, back to playing with Troy and studying film, don’t give it a second thought—)

Transfer dance happens. Annie is going away for the summer with Vaughn. Classic Annie, has his back, always doing the better thing for the plot, bringing a good end-of-Season twist, but it’s okay, as far as he knows she’ll be back in the fall and besides, Abed’s got to-roomie-or-not-roomie with Troy issues to deal with.

And then the new semester starts after the transfer dance. And Anthropology 101 happens (again, one of my favorite episodes for the group fight at the end when it comes to my lil ships). I’M GONNA TALK ABOUT ANTHROPOLOGY 101 NOW. For A CHUNK of time. Jeff and Britta are doing relationship-drama stuff Abed doesn’t quite care about, until Shirley suggests he’s being selfish and that a real friend would enter into Jeff and Britta’s [incredibly fake and nasty] “happiness” and Abed thinks that could work. Actually, progressing Jeff and Britta’s relationship is a goal he can definitely work with. In fact, if you pay attention to the show, whenever there is an opportunity to advance or out Jeff/Britta, Abed takes that opportunity. And whenever there is an opportunity to put JeffAnnie in an uncomfortable or inevitable, c’est la vie light (which two independence-heavy freaks like Jeff and Annie would consider negatively) he takes that too.

Abed urges Jeff/Britta to get married right there in the library before the fight, gives them the ring, because he thinks that’s the next logical step in their grossness. Special episode, all about Jeff/Britta, endgame endgame endgame! He can work with that. In fact, he’s happy to control that. He leaves the room to inexplicably get an Irish singer, dead-ringer Clooney, and a transportable wedding set.

When he comes back and tries to prep the group for the special wedding episode, everyone is tense and Jeff is bleeding from the nose, and Abed does not notice; he’s intent on advancing the plot and the endgame. Then Troy says, “Abed. Jeff made out with Annie.” And Abed’s immediate reaction is “What? Where? When?” And he looks unhappy, like the rest of them. Jeff made out with Annie, and that means everything Abed thought he understood is incorrect. (And I think it bothers the crap out of him and he doesn’t have the ability to unpack why that is the way most people do because he’s different. Surely he’s just angry for the same reasons the rest of the group is? That must be it. That must be why he’s angry specifically with Jeff, not Britta in any tangible way, or even Annie in a tangible way—until later, which I’ll talk about eventually.) Annie tells him they kissed after the transfer dance in a guilty voice, which is a sheepishness she does not respond with to any of the other members of the group. It’s almost like she’s picking up on Abed’s emotion specifically this time. And while everyone else in the group explodes, and Jeff reduces his kiss with Annie to something he should be ashamed of (accurate) because men are monsters who crave young flesh and Annie looks absolutely crushed like a deer in the headlights, Abed starts packing up to leave. And we only see how angry he is right then—he doesn’t enter into anyone else’s problems. We see him react to “Jeff made out with Annie”, and then this is the next time we see him react. Jeff asks where he’s going and Abed throws out a quippy “I now pronounce you cancelled” with a bounce of his eyebrows in an angry way, at Jeff, and when he tries to leave Jeff hurls insults at his back and Abed stops in the doorway, in a normal-person—again, angry—way and turns around and drops one of the sickest burns of the whole show, that TV makes sense and has “likeable leading men”, and says “In life, we have this. We have you.” And walks out. His anger is not directed at anybody else. He doesn’t help Troy with the Pierce situation. He doesn’t try to fix any of it. It’s like he heard “Jeff made out with Annie”, learned the specifics, and was standing there reeling until eventually he decided he couldn’t deal and went to leave, and wouldn’t have shown just how angry he was with Jeff unless Jeff had provoked him, which he did.

IT'S ALMOST LIKE HE’S MAD JEFF KISSED ANNIE, JUSSAYIN’-

let me pretend I’m a 14-year-old shippy fangirl in my reasoning, okay-

Abed likes logic, and as Season 2 continues, Jeff/Annie gets more and more logical. In fact, even though he has noticed that Jeff and Britta are secretly hooking up in the background of the Season, he is not surprised in Paradigms of Human Memory when Annie calls Jeff out for the will-they-won’t-they he’s been enacting with her, and even says there is something between the two of them, matter-of-factly, which Jeff refuses to own up to. But Abed and Annie are getting closer and closer, too. It’s subtle, but it’s clear they’re 100% comfortable around each other. That becomes super clear by Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas, when, besides Troy, Annie is the only other character to enter into Abed’s way of thinking and play with him, because it’s genuinely important to him and she recognizes that this is what he needs, when everyone else kind of drops off. She helps Abed and Troy stop Duncan from dealing with Abed in a practical, normal way, because she sees that Abed is dealing with something and can only deal with it his way to get through it. That’s incredibly rare for Abed, we see. He’s very attached to her—like I said, often touching her, often sitting by her, often reacting to her.

(I mean hi, in English As A Second Language, Abed thinks he won’t be affected by Annie’s Disney Face; when everyone else obeys Jeff in closing their eyes to it, Abed doesn’t. “Oh don’t worry about me, I can only connect to people through...movies...” literally stops in his tracks when he sees her Disney Face with the cutest wistful twitch of a smile. Jeff has to Indiana-Jones-reference him to make him look away. He doesn’t only connect to people through movies—at least, Annie can get through to him without the need of movies; he’s not a quirky lil robot, he can have normal feelings, but boy does it seem like Annie is the one bringing them out of him more often than most. she gets under his skin ajhzsdkejdb-)

Abed definitely has a crush on Annie. But he doesn’t know how to deal with that or portray it. To his mind, Annie should be with a leading man. Any time he flirts with her, he is pretending to be a leading man from a movie or show. (For a Few Paintballs More, anyone?) Because that’s who she should be paired off with. And that’s what she wants, right? She loooves Jeff Winger now. Britta’s not the leading lady, she never was, that role was always Annie’s, and it makes sense she wants Jeff, and it makes even more sense that Abed is observing the love story, not part of it. Abed is not the leading man, he’s the computer. He watches, analyzes, does not get involved or get the girl.

But he still wants her around, and he can have that much—in fact, when he moves in with Troy and Annie tells him she loves their place, Abed instantly suggests she move in. Not Abed and Troy. Just Abed, and he does not discuss it with his roommate. And Troy seems confused and surprised and gives Abed such an interesting look right after. Annie moves in, Abed agrees to sacrifice some of his routine for her (blanket fort for he and Troy, full bedroom for Annie), things are happy. Things are fine. She puts away his buttered noodles when he’s not finished with them, but she adapts to his needs when he expresses he doesn’t want her to do that; she breaks his Batman DVD but he adapts by forgiving her in a role he can express that in—Batman himself, plus, bonus, he gets to flirt with her as that leading man—and things are better. But then Annie starts trying to control things. Annie starts trying to make life go according to the movie in her head. She tries to get Britta and Troy together, which not only robs Abed of his best friend for a day and disrupts his routine, it makes him angry with Annie. And not just because she tampered with the group’s dynamic, which he doesn’t want anyone else but him to do. okay we’re caught up NOW I get to talk about Virtual Systems Analysis, which is my FAVORITE COMMUNITY EPISODE-

Throughout that episode, Annie is trying to speak in Abed’s language in the Dreamatorium in order to teach him empathy. In the past, she’s had success in communicating with him on his level, but this seems extra hard for some reason. She sees somehow through his expressionless face right away and sees he is angry with her, and though he tries to deflect by saying she’s going to ruin the group by meddling, she eventually does recognize what the problem is. At first she’s convinced Abed just wants Abed’s way and that he needs to be taught how to think of others first (she’s right), but he hears her say that to Troy and it spirals him right into the worry he always has—that he’s crazy, that he’s a problem, that he’ll never fit in because of that, and that when Annie (and anyone else) tries to deal with or fix him, they will get sick of it, give up, and toss him aside. He was already angry with her for a different reason, not just wanting his way again—but now he’s sure she’s done with Abed, too. So he becomes someone else, everyone else, to make his point: that she’s just messing with Britta and Troy so that nothing will stand in the way of her and Jeff.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAYS WHEN HE IS PRETENDING TO BE JEFF TO HER? He says, “With Abed gone, and Troy and Britta together, there’s nothing standing in the way of us.” With Abed gone. Why did he say that? Because with Abed gone, Annie gets to be in control of everyone? Obviously not. Or is it because out of everyone, every variable, the only other match that makes sense for Britta is Troy and the only other match that makes sense for Annie is-

Oops, Freudian slip. Oh, she’s not falling for it. And Abed is mad at her because he thinks she set up Britta and Troy so she could be with Jeff. Abed is mad that that’s what she wants. And when she tries to argue it’s not, he literally pretends he is her, logicking it out at her, trying to convince her that that is what she wants, because that’s what he thinks she wants, and her controlling things to cause JeffAnnie makes him mad. But c’est la vie, it’s inevitable anyway, right? Why isn’t she seeing that? Why is she trying to talk about him, he doesn’t want to talk about him, especially not after what she said about him— Then she fights back and tells him that she does not love Jeff, she loves the idea of being loved and if she can teach a guy like Jeff to love her, she’ll never be alone. And then she finds out that’s what Abed is afraid of, too. No—that’s what Abed is used to. “I’ve run the simulations, Annie. I don’t get married. [Why is that the first thing he said?] I don’t etc. etc.”

He’s afraid he’ll be alone, and people will always be getting tired of him and throwing him away. Didn’t Annie get tired of him? But she doesn’t, she’s not—in fact, she understands him. She shows him other members of the group understand that feeling, too. She uses his language to explain to him that he’s wrong, and that neither of them should be trying to make life go according to a script in their heads. Abed sees that she does understand, and if she can get into his head and understand him, she really can do it with anyone, and if she can do it, maybe he can too. Annie helps him and makes him a better person, because she reminds him to empathize, which is something Abed didn’t think he could do. Okay I just spent a long time talking about Abed’s perspective. A tiny bit of Annie now, because this is going on too long. As for Annie, she is afraid of being alone and unloved. She’s “psycho”, she’s crazy too, because someone who empathizes that much and can exude that much emotion does seem crazy to other people. She’s a different crazy than Abed, but her brand of psycho lends itself well to getting and communicating with him, because his crazy is escapism and her crazy is confrontation. His crazy is emotionless, her crazy is emotional. His crazy is control, her crazy is compassion. Her parents cut her off, her high school shunned her, Troy never noticed her, of course she’s scared of being ditched. Of being unimportant. Annie’s need to be perfect comes from the need to feel valued. And doesn’t Abed understand the need to not feel left alone? Doesn’t he understand everything needing to be just so, doesn’t he understand wanting to feel important but never expecting it? Just the computer. Just the observer. Wait. Didn’t he invite her to live with him, voluntarily? Doesn’t he always seem to be choosing her to sit by, don’t they always seem to be reassuring one another with a look or a touch? He gets how she feels about Jeff and Britta and their monopolization (hi Basic Sandwich), he gets when she’s feeling insecure, he gets when she needs to escape, just for a second, to pretend to be someone else in any given scenario so that she can take a risk or get out of her comfort zone, and he excels at that so they often do it together. They don’t have to be alone, they have each other. Annie doesn’t have to be perfect, Abed doesn’t have to be normal, and neither of them have to be in control. But nobody listens to me and instead we have Jeff kissing Annie and Brie Larson in a sweater. And don’t get me started on VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing and why Abed and Annie are individually trying so hard to fight each other’s third-roommate preferences-

[alj4890]

Your mission, if you choose to accept it! :)

I'm sending a GIF to everyone who has participated in Tobias Carrick Appreciation Week this year. Can you create a ficlet (or anything you desire) based on this by Sunday? If so, you'll get one extra chance at the prize to be selected on Monday! :)

Here is your GIF:

Okay. LOL! LOVE the above gif so much. Before I begin a whole new AU about this with my otp, here's a short background on my MC. Chris, is American born to Scottish parents and was raised mostly in Inverness. She has a temper, but usually just tells someone off. It would take a lot to get her this violent, like say someone not only manipulating her but also hooking up with a doctor she's fallen for. Going back to Book 2 and rewriting Canon and my own HC for this one.

Rated Mature for Sexual Content and Language. Chris's upbringing allowed me to find some unique Scottish insults that cried out to be used in this.

Masterlist

Game on

The Edenbrook/Mass Kenmore Softball Game

"Good luck out there, Chris." June said. "Remember to run Carrick's face in the dirt for taking that grant from us."

"Don't worry." Chris told her. "He won't be near as handsome when I'm done with him."

June slowly smiled in hearing that.

"Good. I can't wait to see him get knocked down a peg or two."

Taking a deep breath, Chris began to stretch. Shaking her arms out, she made her way to the pitcher's mound.

Of course, she thought, he would be first up to bat.

"You got this Chris!" Elijah shouted.

"Does she now?" Tobias taunted. "You sure you can do this, Valentine?"

Chris was tempted to stick her tongue out at him. The childish thought made her snicker. Tobias's stance eased when he saw her smile. His own lips curved at how cute she was in her uniform.

It was all the distraction Chris needed to throw the first strike. Shocked, Tobias tried to regroup. He narrowed his eyes at her as he tightened his grip on the bat. She winked at him, shaking his concentration, once more.

"Strike Two!" Elijah yelled out. "I don't know about you, Carrick, but I think she can do this."

Tobias rolled his eyes as he lifted his bat over his shoulder once more.

Chris eyed him, taking in how his uniform conformed to his body. A soft smile appeared on her lips as she thought how he might drive her crazy but he was very attractive.

He blinked at that secretive smile she had. After all the escalation between them with taking patients from one another, he never expected her to actually check him out.

"Strike three!" Elijah cackled. "Oh man. You didn't even bother to swing at that last pitch."

"Take it as a goodwill gesture." Tobias replied. "Next time, I won't go easy."

***************

Between innings...

Chris searched through the coolers of beer until she found a bottle of water.

"Keeping your head clear for the game, Valentine?"

She spun around at the sound of that teasing voice.

Tobias Carrick grinned at her as he reached past her for a bottle of water.

"Glad to see someone is taking this as serious as I do." He winked at her.

"You should wish I wasn't." She couldn't help but smile at him. "Then you might stand a chance to actually hit the ball."

He narrowed his eyes at her. Each time she pitched, he struck out. Though impressed, he wasn't about to admit defeat.

"I've still got a few points on that board." He reminded her. "And there will be even more before the night is over."

Chris stepped closer to him. "You wish that were true."

Tobias took another step closer. "You're going to eat those words."

"Doubtful." Her eyes flickered down his body. "I'm sure you win a lot of things, but tonight isn't going to be one of those nights."

"Want to bet?" He leaned down until his nose nearly touched hers.

His gaze settled on her mouth before locking eyes with hers.

"That all depends," she replied, "what's on the table?"

His lips quirked into a flirty smile. "I can think of one thing I'd like to see on the table."

Her eyebrows rose. The image of just what he'd do to her on that table made a flash of heat go through her body.

"I bet you do." She tilted her head. "I guess we'll just have to--"

"Get away from her!"

The startled pair turned towards a furious Ethan Ramsey.

He moved between them, glaring at Tobias.

"Leave her alone." Ethan bit out.

Tobias narrowed his eyes at him. "What's your deal, Ethan? We were only talking."

"Bullshit." Ethan hissed. "I know you. Chris is off limits."

"Excuse me?" Chris snapped.

"Doesn't sound like she is to me." Tobias winked at her over Ethan's shoulder.

Ethan grabbed hold of Tobias's jersey. "I mean it, Carrick. You've messed with me enough. Just because you poached our patient, doesn't mean you can also take her."

Before Tobias could snap back, Naveen forced them apart.

"Calm down." He ordered. "Take it out on the field."

Tobias snorted. Downing his water bottle, he made sure to knock his shoulder into Ethan's as he walked away.

Ethan grit his teeth, before turning to Chris.

"What did he say to you?" He demanded.

"Nothing but typical trash talk." She replied. "There was no need for you to get involved."

She straightened her shoulders. "I can handle myself. I don't need you jumping in to save me."

Ethan removed his ball cap and ran his hand through his hair. He knew he should have never agreed to play this asinine game.

"I know you can." He looked past her to where the Mass Kenmore team was sitting. "Seeing him try and get close to you, it made me..."

He cursed under his breath.

"So what if he tries to get close to me?" She looked away from Ethan. "It isn't like you want to be in that position."

"Damnit, Chris." Ethan whispered. "You know why I can't--"

"Save your breath." She muttered. "I've heard it all before."

"Wait." He grasped her arm when she tried to walk away. "Carrick isn't the type of man you can tease and not get burned."

Chris jerked her arm away.

"Don't worry." She glared at him. "I know all about being burned."

Ethan watched her storm off with a heavy heart.

******************

After the game, Chris was still full of restless energy. Their win over Mass Kenmore hadn't made her feel any better about the war they'd been having over patients.

When her friends invited her out to celebrate, she sent them on without her. The thought of another night spent in Donahue's with the same faces and conversations didn't appeal to her.

Trying to decide whether or not to just go back to her apartment, she heard her name called out.

She searched for the source and saw Tobias leaning against the side of his car.

"What?" She said once she made her way over.

"Congratulations." He said.

A reluctant smile peeped out at him.

"Thanks." She brushed a lock of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear. "I didn't think you'd be up for saying that after I hit that last pitch of yours."

"It's just a game, Chris." He responded. "I wanted to win, but I still respect how you played it."

She folded her arms. "Something tells me you like to play a lot of games."

He smirked. "So many things in life are more fun when you make it a game. Why not enjoy it?"

"Is patient care a game to you?"

He rolled his eyes. "Come on, Chris. I'm not heartless. If I hadn't thought that Mass Kenmore could give Stephanie better care than Edenbrook, I wouldn't have offered it."

He leaned closer to her. "You would have done the same if the situation was reversed."

Chris hesitated. "You're right. I would have."

He smiled at her. "You and I are more alike than you think."

She laughed, shaking her head. "I wouldn't go that far."

"No?" He placed his hand upon his chin as if considering that. "I guess I'll have to work harder to prove it to you."

He pushed off from his car and opened the passenger door for her. "Want me to give you a ride home?"

Biting her lip, Chris shook her head. "I don't think I'm going home just yet."

"Where are you going?" He glanced around the nearly empty parking lot. "Looks like everyone else left to party without you."

She shrugged. "I'm not really in a celebratory mood."

"What kind of mood are you in?" He asked.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. I guess I'm more restless than anything else."

"Well, how about I drive you around until you decide what you want to do?" He offered.

"Okay."

She slid into his car. Her heart started picking up speed when she realized this would be the first time she was actually alone with him.

"Where were you going?" She asked once he buckled up.

"Home." He replied with a grin. "To drink my loss away."

She couldn't help but laugh. "I wouldn't mind a drink."

He turned towards her. "And just where would you like to have this drink?"

"I'm not really up for a bar." She admitted.

"My place or yours?" He asked.

"Who said anything about us drinking together?" She teased.

"Why waste this rare opportunity to do that very thing?" He countered.

"True." She relaxed back into the seat. "Let's go to your place."

Cutting her eyes towards him, she noticed his smug smile forming.

"Don't think anything other than a drink is going to happen." She warned.

"Whatever you say." He winked at her.

*****************

One drink and some flirting later, the two wound up in his shower. As the warm water fell upon them, they did all they could to heat the other's skin until they burned.

Chris ran her hands down his body as he kissed her neck. Her pent up frustrations with her life and work demanded she take advantage of her situation. She needed this release, almost as much as she wanted the man driving her on to give in to her every desire.

Ethan's words echoed in her mind, causing her to pause in her caresses.

The thing was, she wanted to burn. Even if it was just for this one night, she wanted to simply sate her passionate nature with no worries about what the morning would bring.

Tobias began to kiss down her body. He noticed her furrowed brow and lack of movement. He knew he needed to work on drawing her back into the night he was imagining.

He reached over and turned the water off, before urging her out.

"You're distracted." He said, handing her a towel. "Do you not want this?"

Chris paused in drying off. "No, I want you."

He stepped closer, all his usual cockiness nowhere in sight.

"Good. Because I've wanted you from the moment I first saw you."

"Right." Chris sarcastically replied. "I'm sure I really caught your eye at that diner."

He settled his arms around her waist.

"I noticed you immediately." He softly brushed his lips against hers. "Each time I saw you after that, I wanted you more and more."

His deep voice admitting to something like that, even though she doubted the sincerity, made her move right back into his embrace. Her lips sought his, and the two raced right back into the inferno they'd started.

Stumbling back into his bedroom, they fell upon the bed, limbs tangling as they continued to kiss.

Tobias moaned as Chris rolled on top of him. Deciding to relax and see what she'd do next, he urged her to take the reins.

His breath hitched the moment she kissed him. Her body moved over his, teasing and promising so much more. He cupped her face, looking into her eyes as she caressed him.

"You have no idea how often I've fantasized about this." He murmured, pulling her down for another kiss.

"Show me." She arched into his heated touch. "I want to do everything you thought about."

That was all he needed to hear.

*****************

As light began to filter through the slits of the bedroom blinds, Chris and Tobias collapsed exhausted on his bed.

Trying to catch her breath, Chris looked over at him. When he turned towards her, a breathless laugh popped out.

"You have some imagination there." She teased.

He chuckled, scooting closer to her. "That was only half of what I've fantasized."

"You're kidding?" Chris smiled at him. "I don't think I have the energy to see what else is in store."

She stretched, drawing his appreciative gaze towards her lithe body.

"There's always later." He reminded her. "Say like tonight?"

"Why Dr. Carrick," she snuggled closer within his arms. "Are you asking me out?"

"That depends." He pressed a lingering kiss to her lips.

"On?"

"If the answer is yes."

She laughed, shaking her head over how good she felt in this moment with him.

"That's a definite yes."

"Then I'm asking you out." He chuckled when she softly groaned.

"You're lucky you're cute." She teased.

"I know." He sighed. "It's both a curse and a blessing."

"You poor, poor man." She patted his cheek.

Tobias took her hand and pressed a kiss within her palm. His eyes found hers as she laced their fingers together.

"How about dinner first?"

"So, it's a real date?" She joked.

"Ummhmm." He rolled over on his back, tucking her in beside him. "Is that still a yes?"

"I will need energy to begin whatever round we're on." She replied.

"Yes, you will." He squeezed her close.

"Then, I guess I'll see you later."

She began to ease out of his bed, only to be dragged back within his arms.

"Where do you think you're going?" He murmured against her neck while dotting kisses along it.

"Home." She relaxed back within his arms.

"No need to rush off so soon." He urged her back under the covers.

"I'll stay if you let me sleep." She warned. "If I don't get a few hours, there's no way I'll be any fun later tonight."

"We can't have that." He laughed when she poked him in his ribs.

She curled up against his side. Her eyes closed and she felt her body relax completely. It'd been a while since she felt so blissfully carefree.

It was a feeling she didn't want to end.

******************

Weeks went by in blur. Chris seemed to find her stride in both her professional life and her personal life. That one night with Tobias had blossomed into a weekly date night, adding even more happiness.

She knew she was falling for him. It was difficult not to. He had the ability to get her mind off the possible shutdowns that loomed over their hospitals. His humor and unending charm kept her thoughts firmly in the moment instead of the fears of the future.

Plus the closeness that was developing between them made her care all the more.

She didn't know which she loved most, the amazing sex or the talks they would have afterwards. The nights spent with him ended up being the best part of her week.

Whatever it was, she wasn't going to question it.

The only problem was June Hirata.

Chris was still a bit uneasy around the diagnostician. Seeing how two-faced the woman could be made it hard to completely trust working with her.

Then one day June approached the team with an idea.

"Did you know Senator Ed Farruiga's at Mass Kenmore?"

"No." Chris replied.

"Apparently he has some illness that no one can figure out." She paused to make sure she had everyone's attention. "I think we should encourage him to come here."

Ethan leaned back in his chair in thought. Baz seemed a little uncertain about the idea.

"I would love to give it a go, but we can't just go take one of their patients." He argued.

"Why not? No one has to stay at a hospital where they aren't getting the best possible care. Can you imagine how much publicity we would get if we helped another famous face?" June glanced at Ethan. "It would help us be able to help more people who really need us."

"It would." He conceded. "And we are a better team than Carrick's."

"Are we really going to do what they did with Stephanie?" Chris asked.

"Don't you want some payback for that?" June countered. "We lost a huge grant! They don't need the Senator as much as we do."

Chris didn't like the idea of continuing the game they'd started with Leland Bloom, especially with how close she'd gotten to their opponent.

"Let's do it." Ethan decided, needing a chance to get back at Tobias.

As they worked out a plan of attack, June checked her messages.

"My contact says that Dr. Carrick and his team haven't diagnosed the cause yet. They have only begun the process of ordering lab work."

She looked at the clock. "Given how long it takes for Mass Kenmore's lab techs to come around for blood samples, I say we have an hour tops to poach him."

"Then let's get going." Ethan ordered.

******************

It took less than an hour to find the senator and to convince him to transfer to Edenbrook. As she followed Baz out of the hospital, Chris heard the one voice she wished to avoid.

"Chris?" Tobias called out. "What are you doing here?"

He noticed the senator further ahead of her, changed and in the process of signing discharge papers.

His eyes narrowed when he realized what was going on.

"Look, I--" Chris tried to apologize.

"Save it." He snapped. "I don't want to hear it."

Without giving her a chance, he stormed back the way he came.

***************

Later that night, Chris headed to a bar she knew Tobias liked to frequent. He'd already ignored her calls and texts. If she was ever going to have the chance to explain, she knew it'd have to be in person.

It didn't take long to find him in the crowd. What surprised her was who was sitting with him.

What is June doing here?

The way the two were laughing and talking, it was obvious they knew each other a little too well.

The more she observed, the angrier Chris became.

"Chris!" June greeted. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Really?" Chris folded her arms. "I'm surprised. I thought you made certain to know where all your pawns are."

June laughed. "Only the most naive make the best pawns. You've been my favorite by far, Chris."

Tobias eyed her then glanced up at Chris.

June leaned closer to him, placing her hand on his thigh. "Our games are so much fun, aren't they?"

Chris was beyond livid. For months June had used her in every situation. Now to see that Tobias was in on whatever manipulative game they were playing caused her to snap.

She lunged forward almost punching June in her smug face. The table had stopped her momentum right before contact, giving Tobias a chance to grab her around the waist and pull her back.

Chris struggled against him. Her Scottish accent became thicker than usual as she unleashed a flurry of insults upon the pair.

"Let me go, you wee fuckbumper!" She shouted. "I'm going to show that dug licking pish aff a nettle just what happens when she messes with me!"

"Chris!" Tobias grunted when her elbows struck his ribs. "Calm the hell down!"

June began to laugh harder while watching the pair.

"This is the best you can do?" She taunted Chris. "Oh my god, I can't believe I actually thought you might be worthy competition."

"Bolt, ya mangled fud!" Chris yelled.

Still snickering, June gathered her things and headed towards the door.

"Call me Carrick when you're ready to be with a real woman again."

With a last burst of energy, Chris tried to break free of Tobias. She needed to knock June down just once. Her rage demanded to feel that woman's face under her fist.

Tobias yanked her back and half dragged her out the back door.

Once they were outside, he let her go.

They were both panting and glaring at one another.

"What the shit was that?!" He snapped. "If you'd actually touched June, she'd have had your ass in jail so fast it'd have made that hot head of yours spin."

"Do you know what that means?" He demanded when Chris remained defiant. "That means your career would be over!"

"Piss off." Chris hissed at him. "Ya lavvy-heided wankstain."

"Fuck this." Tobias rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't even know why I'm bothering to talk some sense into you."

"I don't either." Chris fought back tears.

"Why did you come here?" He asked when she fell silent. "Just to rub it in that you too can steal a patient?"

"Weren't you the man who said it was all a game?" She shot back. "And if I knew Edenbrook was the best for someone, then I should make it happen?"

"Damnit." He muttered. "Look, June told me you were determined to make me pay for my little stunt with Stephanie."

"That I was?" Chris released another profanity laden tirade.

The more descriptive she got, the more Tobias struggled with his laughter. He was still furious over everything, but he couldn't help but be impressed with her imaginative use of curse words.

After a particularly long sentence about June's reputation with men, all the fire seemed to go out in Chris.

She slumped back against the brick wall of the bar and lowered her head into her hands.

"I know you won't believe me." She began. "But this wasn't my idea."

Against his better judgement, Tobias moved a little closer and leaned next to her.

"What happened?" He asked.

The whole story poured out along with Chris's guilt.

"We never should have gotten close." She added at the end. "Not with all the animosity between the hospitals."

Tobias took a deep breath and slowly released it. "Do you regret it?"

"Stealing your patient?" She slowly nodded. "I don't think it was worth it."

"Not that." He turned towards her. "Us?"

She looked up at him. "No."

Her face scrunched as if she was about to cry. "I mean, I do since you and June had your own thing going at the same time. I know you and I weren't serious, but to have actually been with someone who could be with that two-faced bitch--"

"I wasn't seeing her while seeing you." Tobias interrupted.

She still looked doubtful.

"Come on, Chris." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You know. You have to have seen that what we have is..."

He cursed, kicking at some trash.

"What we have is what? She prodded.

He groaned then yanked her into a heady kiss.

She wrapped her arms around him, giving back as good as she got.

Tobias stumbled back from the passion in her kiss, hitting the wall with her locked in his arms.

When it came to an end, he lifted his head to look into her eyes.

"See?" He said softly.

She slowly nodded.

"Then don't say we shouldn't have gotten together." He cuddled her close.

"What about my part in the senator?" She looked up at him. "Can you let that go?"

"Yes." He tightened his arms around her. "Of course I can."

"Then why didn't you answer my calls?"

"Because June made it seem like you'd strung me along to keep me from suspecting anything when you did eventually steal a patient." He admitted. "Knowing that I'd fallen for you, it stung that you didn't feel the same way. That I was merely your pawn in all this."

"I hate her." Chris bit out.

Tobias snorted. "Yeah, she isn't the easiest person to be around."

Chris bit back the fact he'd found her easy enough to sleep with.

Tobias sighed. "Want me to take you home?"

"No." Chris mumbled. "I'm too keyed up to see my roommates."

A tender smile began to form as he recalled a similar conversation they'd once had.

"Want me to drive you around until you calm down?"

Chris looked up at him, recalling the night of the softball game. Seeing that he remembered it too made her melt against him.

"I'd love that."

Keeping one arm around her waist, Tobias led her to his car.

[equixen]

Looking back at ‘Before You Go’

Welcome to part 2 of my Narnia fanvid retrospectives which consist of me talking about a specific fanvid I’ve made and how I’ve interpreted the lyrics. This time, I’ll be talking about my second Caspeter fanvid, ‘Before You Go’, which I uploaded almost one and a half years ago now [original post].

Before I get into it, I just wanted to say that this one is especially for @an-angels-fury because she enjoyed my retrospective post for ‘Run To You’ and said that ‘Before You Go’ is her other favourite of my Caspeter fanvids. 😊

Okay, so this one actually has an interesting origin story and that’s because this fanvid was very close to being my first Caspeter fanvid and also very close to never happening at all.

Let me explain… 😊

When I first became obsessed with Caspeter, it wasn’t long till I decided to try making a fanvid about them. I started by going through my music and eventually narrowed it down to two songs. This one and ‘What Hurts the Most’. I liked both songs very much so it was quite possible that ‘Before You Go’ would have been the first one to be edited although I ultimately decided on ‘What Hurts the Most’.

As for why this fanvid was almost never made at all… well that’s because, at the time, I thought Narnia and Caspeter would go the way of many of my other recent fandoms up till that point. That I would do one fanvid, maybe two if I was lucky, but eventually either my interest in that fandom would wane or something new would come along to take its place as my latest obsession. So, I knew that by picking one song over the other, it was quite possible the second one might never have been made.

Well, we all know how that turned out. 🤣 Several more fanvids (and even fanfics) later, Caspeter and Narnia ended up becoming so important to me for various reasons (I’ve written more about this in another post if that’s of interest) which led to Caspeter becoming my OTP of OTPs. 🥰

Alright, now onto the lyrics. This fanvid is all from Caspian’s POV.

‘I fell by the wayside like everyone else’

I feel like there are a couple of ways this line can be looked at for Caspian. Firstly, it’s Caspian personally feeling like he doesn’t measure up to the High King from Narnia’s golden age. And secondly, that Caspian thinks that Peter sees him as less-than because of his Telmarine heritage. Also, I still really like the visuals I chose for this sequence… of Caspian deferring to the higher status of the Pevensies and hanging back as they enter the How for the first time.

‘I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, but I was just kidding myself’

Yep, Peter drives Caspian absolutely crazy in the beginning. Two young men with their own axes to grind and who are out to prove themselves. Caspian both hates how stubborn Peter is during the strategising at the How, but also can’t help seeing beyond that tough exterior that Peter puts up. Someone who is both more and less than what Caspian grew up hearing about in all those stories. Because Peter might not be all that he imagined in terms of the magnificent battle-hardened warrior (at least not at first glance) but he’s also more human and more beautiful and has more heart than Caspian ever could have imagined.

‘Our every moment, I start to replace, 'cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say’

Despite the connection they share, their time together is over too soon. And once Peter is gone, Caspian can’t help regretting all the things he never told Peter while he had the chance. While I’ve had multiple versions of what Caspian might regret after Peter leaves Narnia in my head for different projects over the last year and a half, when I was editing this fanvid, I was very much imagining this to be that Caspian never told Peter that he loved him.

‘When you hurt under the surface, like troubled water running cold. Well, time can heal but this won't’

I think this was the line that first made me take notice of this song as a potential Caspeter fanvid. The way it reflects their regret over the loss of so many lives after the failed castle raid. It is something that will probably haunt both of them for the rest of their lives. And even though we had no closeup of Caspian’s face when they escape the courtyard, I was rather pleased that I was able to fake one by using a shot of Caspian from the start of the film which I still think works rather well. 😊

‘So, before you go, was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather’

Apart from his siblings—who Peter could never hope to hide anything from—I feel like Peter is the kind of person who’d keep his troubles close to his chest. So, for most of the time that Caspian and Peter would have known each other, there’s so much about Peter that would’ve been a mystery to Caspian. And at the top of that list would be the hardships Peter had faced as a result of being forced back into his old life after living in Narnia for so long. Constantly being underestimated by the adults in his life as well as being bullied and belittled by his peers.

‘So, before you go, was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless’

There are definitely times when Peter feels worthless. But for the first instance of this line, I chose a moment where Peter feels like he’s worth less than others. And what better representation is there than the, “what about your own future?” deleted scene between Caspian and Peter. Caspian learns for the first time just how much Peter is willing to sacrifice for those he loves and for the greater good. Even his own life. That thought alone scares Caspian more than anything so he prompts Peter to think about his own future in the hopes that it will give him something else to fight for.

‘So, before you go, would we be better off by now, if I'd have let my walls come down? Maybe I guess we'll never know, you know, you know’

The moment when it all comes to an end. Caspian has just been crowned King and is looking forward to getting to know Peter away from the hardships of war. Just seeing where these feeling take them. But then Peter drops the bombshell that they’re leaving and Caspian can’t do a thing to stop it. All he has left now is regret. Regret over all those missed opportunities where he could have said how he felt but didn’t as well as wondering what could have been if he had. 😢 And I still rather love that sequence for, “I guess we'll never know, you know, you know,” where it looks like Peter is kicking himself for not being brave enough to say something to Caspian when they’d had a moment upon first entering Cornelius’ office. 😊

‘Before you go, was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather’

When Caspian finds Peter during his and Susan’s talk with Aslan, he can see that something isn’t right with Peter. He wants to help but how can he when he never knew the depths of what Peter, a king to a nation that had been home to him and his siblings for 15 years, had dealt with by being flung back into their own world against his wishes. A loss of self, of purpose and of feeling like he truly belonged.

‘So, before you go, was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless’

And now we come to the second instance of this line where I focus on a moment when Peter feels worthless. Of course, no one is harder on Peter then Peter himself. As the High King, he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and he when he messes up, he feels the shame of it in every fibre of his being. After the failed castle raid, and the subsequent run-in with Jadis, Caspian starts to see a side of Peter that he never had before. The side that makes mistakes and, in his darkest moments, doubts his value. And that only makes him feel for Peter all the more and wish he knew the right things to say that would make Peter feel otherwise.

‘So, before you go’

And lastly the ending. What can I saw about the ending that hasn’t already been said. I mean, between Peter’s, “we’re not really needed here anymore,” and Caspian’s, “I will look after it until you return,” has there ever been a scene where two people who love each other have said so much and yet so little at the same time?? They were so close to having it all and now they’re being torn apart as Peter walks out of Caspian’s life, never to return. 😢

--------

And on that note, I think I’ll leave it there. I’ve had so many feelings about these two over the last year and a half and, with yet more fic/vid ideas percolating in my mind, I don’t think that will be ending anytime soon. 😊

[emmathecasualauthor]

hey, violence game 💖

num 1, 7, 21, 25

Hey!! Thanks for the ask!

1: the character everyone gets wrong

I've got to say Sirius Black. The fandom often either romanticizes him as a perfect, misunderstood martyr, or villainizes him for his mistakes without acknowledging the trauma and imprisonment that shaped his behavior, and it drives me absolutely crazy.

7: what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how the fandom acts about them?

Draco Malfoy. I don’t hate him as a character in canon, really, I don't. Similar to Sirius, he’s flawed, while also being shaped negatively by his upbringing. But the more I see people characterize him as a misunderstood bad boy saint, absolving him of his actions without addressing the harm he caused, the more I can't stand him. It's so incredibly frustrating when his flaws are completely ignored, and people excuse all the harm and bigotry he caused. I'm all for redemption arcs, but he didn't really have one, and it drives me crazy that people think he did.

21: part of canon you think is overhyped

I'll preface this by saying that romione is one of my OTP's. I love them dearly. But their first kiss scene is pretty overhyped in my opinion. Like, don't get me wrong, it's an important and sweet moment in the series, but I just don't think it lives up to the level of anticipation the fandom gives it. After all the years of build-up, all the tension, the awkward moments between Ron and Hermione over the years, the kiss happens in the middle of a chaotic battle and is promptly forgotten about. And don't get me wrong I love a battle kiss, but it’s kind of… rushed? I think part of it is that Romione's relationship has always been a bit messy and imperfect. It’s built on years of friendship, teasing, bickering, and so much tension and issues. It’s never been about grand romantic gestures, it’s about two people realizing that they love each other after all this time, in the middle of everything falling apart. Like, in a way, the kiss is exactly what their relationship is: real, messy, imperfect, and not about some over-the-top declaration of love. But still, with all the fandom buildup and the years of waiting for that moment, it felt like the kiss could have been more. Not necessarily a full-on passionate make-out session, but something that reflected all of the emotional tension that had been building. (I'm also a perpetuator of the idea that they kissed way earlier than this. Hermione was way too cut up at Ron leaving for them to be just friends.)

25: common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

"Harry is a bad protagonist." This one drives me up the wall because it misses the point of his character entirely. Harry isn’t meant to be a flawless hero or the smartest person in the room- he’s a kid thrust into impossible situations who learns and grows over time. He makes mistakes, acts impulsively, and struggles with his emotions, but that’s what makes him relatable and human. The idea that he should be perfect, 100% competent, or always have the right answer undermines the core of his journey: that he’s an ordinary person who rises to extraordinary challenges.

Thanks again for the ask!

Choose violence ask game

[sequs-art-box]

Idk if you've been asked this already, but what's your opinion on every inside out ship ( just the ones with emotions )

All of them? Well..

Let's get The Big Three Out of the way.

Brickstar (Joy and Anger) Feanger and Starnerve (Joy and Fear) are my top dogs. They're my otps of all time. Love them to bits.

Now....

Joy ships:

Joy and Sadness: Classic! I like the ship, even after 9 years. They don't drive me as insane as the big three though.

Joy and Disgust: I'm kinda in the middle with them? I've seen some great content on those two but they just don't do it for me.

Joy and Anxiety: I see the vision but I personally don't ship em. Power to those who do cause I've seen some very cute fanart.

Joy and Ennui: Eh I don't really see the appeal but that's not a bad thing. I just personally think they vibe more with other emotions than each other.

Joy and Emb: Eh?? I can see it working but I have the same opinions for them like I do Joy and Ennui.

Sadness Ships:

Sadness and Anger: THEY ARE SO UNDERRATED. I have a very specific vision for them: They are so queerplatonic coded to me it's crazy. They'd be secret besties who complete each other. Theyd give the other their full 100% attention and I think thats beautiful. God I love them sm.

Sadness and Fear: See the vision, don't ship unfortunately.

Sadness and Anxiety: Eh. Not enough content for me to form an opinion.

Sadness and Ennui: ^^^

Sadness and Disgust: Don't see the vision sorry :/

Sadness and Emb: Don't ship em but I HAVE to admit they're very cute.

Disgust ships:

Disgust and Anger: Oooh they're in the middle with me too. I can totally see them being a power couple but at the same time I think they'd hate-love each other if you get me.

Disgust and Anxiety: No opinion.

Disgust and Emb: At first i didn't see the vision but a really good friend of mine made me reconsider. They're so fucking cute holy shit.

Disgust and Ennui: I can see it a little bit??? But they make me feel nothing sry lol

Disgust and Fear: Another classic. Can't really go wrong with them, like Joyness. It's also canon at this point lmao

Anger ships

Anger and Ennui: I follow some really cool people who ship them but PERSONALLY.... I don't ship em lol. Maybe if they had more interactions in the movie I'd ship them more.?? Idk i have mixed feelings.

Anger and Emb: Underrated gay bois. They need to kiss at least once.

Anger and Anxiety: I NEED TO DRAW THEM SO BAD BUT IM NOT GOOD AT DRAWING ANXIETY GOD. Another QPR coded ship to me. I fw them.

Fear ships:

Fear and Anxiety: Prolly the biggest ship recently. I don't see them as siblings, but I also don't really see them being together??? I know there are those scenes with him in IO2 and they can be interpreted any way people want but I really don't see it tbh. He's better for Joy and Anger sry.

Fear and Ennui: Ehh.?? Same as above.

~~~

Fear and Emb: All the MLM ships are so underrated (except feanger lol). I haven't drawn any content but they're cute in my eyes.

Others:

I don't really have any opinions on them except Anxienn. I ship em hard but they don't drive me insane as the big three. They're just enough for me to make them canon in a couple aus I made! I vibe with it lowkey.

UHMMM I think thats it? If I missed any I'm sorry, it's midnight and I should get to sleep lmao (Didn't include Envy or Nostalgia for obvious reasons). Lemme know if I missed a ship and I'll edit the post!

Hope I don't piss anyone off LAWL I try to be fair here.

[voltrixz]

The character ask thing

But YOU 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵 can chose the character

WOAH!!! alright then!!! Tssm Electro it is.. (< What a surprise...)

(READ MORE BECAUSE THIS SHIT IS LONG WTF, the yapper...

-How I feel about this character: Where do I even start. This guy drives me crazy. There is so much wrong with him. He's a loser, he's terrible. Insanely trans coded. He's kinda like me fr fr.... There is so much story potential for him. I need him. I feel normal about him as you can tell.

-All the people I ship romantically with this character: I SURE DO WONDER!!! (It's Shocker). I sure do love taking 2 of my favorite characters who have interacted once or twice and MAKE THE FUCK UP A RAREPAIR!!! with them. Dunno itd be interesting i think. They've got similar powers and all, they worked fairly well in that one interaction... They contrast each other nicely, idk theres just something about these 2... (< guy who has written literal essays about all the ideas he has)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: ELECTRO AND MYSTERIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Best friends of all time (they hate each other /j) Dunno they'd be funny i think. Also their difference in powers would make an interesting team up. Think they'd bond over shared interest in tech and stuff. They probably gossip a SHITTTT ton despite Electro saying he has no interest in it. They're buddies who've got each other's back even if they get on each other's nerves a lot :]

My unpopular opinion about this character: A lot of people. GREATLY MISCHARACTERIZE HIS ASS!!!!!! He is not an uwu soft boy TWINK!!!!!! That is a grown ass man. Sure he's younger then the rest of the 6 BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN HE SHOULD CONSTANTLY BE INFANTILZED. Also. (ok this is more of an unpopular opinion type beat, I just needed to rant about that real quick back there) Make that guy meaner, he is def kind of a prick. He would poke fun and tease the other members, he'd argue with some of them (esp Mysterio and Vulture). ALSO he isnt the brightest. But hes also not STUPID!!!!!!! This guy used to be an electrician, he def knows some shit!!!!. ALSO!!!!!! Redemption plot lines are fun for him, but also. I think he should get worse :], make that guy lose himself to the madness!!! make him completely forget who "max" was, make him give in to the villianous side of him that secretly loves the freedom and just funnn of being a villain (ya know his ass has a little fun with these schemes...)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

So many fuckin things you would not believe. HE HAS SO MUCH FUCKIN STORY POTENTIAL AND AGRHRH. He gets sidelined so fuckin hard. What do you mean the last we see of him is in ravencroft and is just. basically a cameo in that one ep for colonel jupiter or whatever. what the fuck man. ANYWAYYYSSS of course i want to see more of him, like more focus on him. Let me know more of his mental state and how he views the Connors and the people he knew before the accident. I would say let me see him get redeemed and cured but also. LET ME SEE HIM GET WORSE!!!! (as stated previously) grin.

[spaceratprodigy]

Faith and Max 👏 Faith and Max!!

5 15 16 30 51 (or any combination if that's too many <3)

@darkfire1177 — [ OTP/SHIP ASKS ]

–

5. Describe their cozy night in.

I think they would enjoy a quiet night all to themselves. Make some hot drinks and read. Maybe they can watch Free Range Fixer together while cozied up under a blanket. I feel like they'd enjoy something on the simpler side together. Damn, if they're lucky, I'll maybe even let them hold hands. Kiss each other, even.

.

15. Do they always say 'i love you' before leaving?

Faith always will.

Max I see as giving more soft, quick, physical goodbyes. Holding her hand for a moment or touching his forehead to her while telling her he's leaving. But if she says it to him, he will without a doubt reciprocate. He is never letting her confession of love go unanswered ever again.

.

16. Can they stay up all night just talking?

They can! And they often do.

Faith often battles with insomnia, as well as having nightmares when she can get to sleep and constantly tossing and turning from pain and discomfort. The restlessness keeps her up anyway. Max, in my universe, has his own sleep issues, and started staying up with Faith when he noticed how frequently she'd be wandering the ship at night.

Staying up together became a sort of routine. It was calm, peaceful, just the two of them sitting in the kitchen of the Unreliable. He started getting there first and making her tea so it would be ready by the time he knew she'd wander his way. He knew the caffeine makes her sleepy while the beverage brought her comfort.

They'd stay up and chat about anything and everything until she'd start drifting off. At first, he never wanted to disturb her. One night he covered her up with his own blanket. Eventually he started carrying her to bed altogether. He never did get his blanket back. She'd never admit to him that it helped her sleep better, it smelled like him, and that made her feel calm and safe.

.

30. Your OTP gets to pick out each other's outfits; what is each wearing?

Faith thinks Max cleans up really nice and would probably enjoy seeing him in something fancier or a little more formal. It's a rare occasion they get so dressed up. But honestly? I think more than anything she'd pick out something that shows off his arms. Drives her a little crazy.

Max I feel like would pick out something he already knows she's comfortable in. Does his tongue get tied in knots on the rare occasion he gets to see her a little more dressed up? Of course. But I see his mind drifting towards I Know She Likes This One and then picks that.

.

51. What's a non verbal way they say I love you?

Parallel play and quality time in general tbh. Wanting to be around each other is such a big show of love for them. They also leave each other little gifts in their rooms. So many little domestic things like bringing each other drinks just because, helping cut each other's hair, sewing the holes in his clothes, cleaning the wounds on her hands, etc etc.

[typingtess]

NCIS: Los Angeles Season 14 Rewatch:  “The Reckoning”

The basics:  With four dead, including a CIA Officer, NCIS investigates if this has something to do with the DRONA project.

Written and directed by:  Frank Military Military wrote "Little Angels", "Deliverance", "Lockup", "The Job", "Greed", "Betrayal", "Crimeleon", "Vengeance", "Out of the Past" Part One, "Rude Awakenings" Part Two, season four’s finale "Descent", season five’s premiere "Ascension", "Allegiance", "Spoils of War" (directed by Military), "Black Budget", "SEAL Hunter", "Rage" (directed by Military), "Unspoken", "Unlocked Mind", "Revenge Deferred", "The Seventh Child" (directed by Military), "Crazy Train", "Uncaged" (directed by Military), "The Silo", "Monster", "Line in the Sand" (directed by Military), season ten opener "To Live and Die in Mexico" (directed by Military), "The Patton Project", "Better Angels", "False Flag" (the season 10 finale), "A Bloody Brilliant Plan", season 11 finale "Code of Conduct" (directed by Military), "Raising the Dead", "Through the Looking Glass" (directed by Military), "Indentured", "Down the Rabbit Hole" (directed by Military) and "The Body Stitchers". 

Military directed one episode he did not write, season 11’s holiday episode "Answers". 

He also appeared as Donald Kessler in "Raising the Dead" and several other episodes in photos.

Guest stars of note:  Jere Burns returns from season 13’s “Genesis” as Howard Pembrook, Duncan Campbell is back from the last episode (“Sensu Lato”) as NCIS Agent Castor, David DeSantos as Anthony Beltran and Milissa Sears as Leah Novack are back from “Sleeping Dogs”, Philip Anthony-Rodriguez as CIA Officer Rafael Cortes, Scott Christopher as CIA Officer Chris Behr, Amy Kim Waschke as CIA Officer Avery Lamica, Maurice Hall as AMT Julian Cousins, John Marshall Jones as Jonathan Hunter and Rick Tunell, the series’ longtime producer/director was the Head of Airfield Security

Our heroes:   DRONA drama blah blah blah.

What important things did we learn about: Callen:  Lone wolfing. Sam:  Out of town. Kensi:  Tailing Callen. Deeks:  Airport trip. Fatima:  Figured out early that the CIA was up to no good. Rountree:  Tailing Callen with Kensi. Kilbride:  Side-eye master.

What not so important things did we learn about: Callen:  Wasn’t getting violin lessons as a kid. Sam:    Absent. Kensi:   Waiting for Deeks to return from the airport. Deeks:  Mostly absent. Fatima:  Side-eying with the best of them. Rountree:  Started the day with Deeks, ended it with Kensi. Kilbride:   Friends with the head coach at USC.

Where in the world is Henrietta Lange?  Basking in guilt according to Pembrook.

Who's down with OTP:   Not a lot of OTP time.

Who's down with BrOTP:  Down one part of the BrOTP but Pembrook’s final conversation with Callen was all about the brotherhood of Callen and Sam, the show’s most important relationship.

Fashion review:  Callen wore a light blue and white plaid button down shirt before going in the pool and a navy blue hoodie post-pool.  Kensi wore a wine colored long-sleeve top.  Deeks wore a pale blue henley.  Fatima had a fabulous black leather jacket (soft like butter!) and a white sweater with blue piping at the collar.  Rountree black long sleeve tee-shirt with a black jacket.  Kilbride, as always, dark blue three-piece suit, red tie, pale blue dress shirt. 

Music:  “Home” by Aron Wright plays at the end of the episode.

Any notable cut scene:  Not today.

Quote:  Kilbride:  “And you are not leaving my office until you tell me everything you know about Pembrook and Beltran.” Cortes:  “And you're gonna stop me?  With force?” Kilbride:  “Don't tease me.”

This is was very solid Kilbride as a badass episode.

Anything else:  The previously-s include all the Pembrook nonsense. 

In the hospital, a still comatose Leah Novak is being moved to a rehab facility with serious CIA security around her.  Callen is there as well.  Nobody knows where Leah is going except the head security man – who is driving the ambulance.  Novak will be checked in under an alias.  The security chief promised to keep Callen advised of her status. 

As the security team leaves, the second security team member tells her boss they found one of the Drona subjects, Clayton, dead.  If they can find Clayton, the head man tells her, they can find everyone.  for some reason, the head of security thinks it is a good idea to meet with the other Drona subjects in Pershing Square.  He leaves the ambulance with only a nurse watching Novak.  Clayton was tortured before he was killed, according to one of the Drona survivors.   The group realizes none of them are safe.  And they’re not as a sniper picks off all the Drona subjects except the security chief.  He dodges bullets getting back to the ambulance and driving off.

A cranky Admiral is marching from his office to Ops.  Deeks and Rountree are just behind him.  After a Deeks mindfulness joke falls flat, the Admiral explains that four people, including a CIA Officer named Avery Lamica – she was the number two person moving Novak - were shot dead in Pershing Square.  Kensi has already left for Pershing Square to meet with Callen.   

In Ops is CIA Officer Raphael Cortes (another person allowed to wander about the super-secret office).  After the Admiral does some introductions, Cortes wants to talk to Callen and Sam.  Sam is out of town and not available.  Cortes does not want Callen running the investigation but the Admiral makes sure Cortes understands that Cortes doesn’t make staffing decisions for NCIS.  When the Admiral brings up that Cortes asked for help, Cortes makes sure the Admiral understands that the CIA doesn’t need help, they need information.  Since the FBI is investigating the shooting, Cortes wants to question Callen about letting Beltran get away.  And Cortes wants the Admiral to do that right now.  Knowing Callen wouldn’t return to the office even if Kilbride ordered him to do so, the Admiral won’t – and didn’t plan on anyway.

Deeks asks if the CIA is tracking the ambulance.  They can’t find it, according to Cortes.  CIA Officer Chris Behr is missing – he’s the head security guy.  Cortes thinks Lamica was meeting with other Drona team members.  Pembrook ran black ops for the DoD, NSA and the CIA.  Rountree mentions Beltran’s plan for a lawsuit against Pembrook for what was done to him and to the others when they were children.  Cortes believes Pembrook made monsters – “including Agent Callen.” 

At the crime scene, Callen is covering Avery Lamica’s body with a tarp when Kensi arrives.  Callen has not heard from Behr.  Looking at a high rise building just off Pershing Square, Kensi is going to check the victim’s locations and angle of the gunshot wounds to see if she can backtrack the math to the sniper’s location. 

On comms, Callen asks Fatima to check out security cameras.  Also on comms, Kilbride tells Callen that Cortes would like to speak to him – the FBI can cover the crime scene.  Callen tells Cortes that the FBI isn’t even at the crime scene – though LAPD is all over the crime scene.  Deeks talks about Drona and Callen thinks it makes sense – Lamica and Behr were put on the protection team by the CIA and likely Drona.  Cortes pushes for Callen to come in but Callen fakes some static and is off comms.

Kensi returns to Callen.  Based on the wounds, there is no way the sniper fired from the high rise.  The angles of the bullet wounds are too steep.  The sniper was likely in a helicopter and one great shot.

Fatima has eight helicopters over that part of Los Angeles at 8:16AM – the time of the shooting.  Kensi thinks the shot came from at least 1,400 feet east of Pershing Square.  On the big screen in Ops, Deeks finds the helicopter.  Deeks traces it to a company called Cypress Park Industries.  Rountree asks where did the helicopter come from – Camarillo Airport.  Kilbride is sure there are witnesses or video of someone getting on the helicopter.  Deeks is going to track that down.

Cortes orders Callen to return to the office or he’ll get the FBI to bring Callen in.  Callen says he’s returning but gets a call from an unknown number followed by a text message telling Grisha to pick up.  Callen has Kensi take them off comms.  It is Pembrook on the phone.  Callen has a flashback to his happy times with Pembrook.  He wants to meet and Callen does too.  Kensi gets back on comms to get Fatima to trace the call.  She does this quietly.  Pembrook is about a block away inside Pershing Square, watching Callen and Kensi.

Pembrook starts to walk away from the crime scene, saying that Callen won’t miss a chance to face the monster of his childhood.  Under a bench near the coffee cart is a discarded water bottle with an address in it.  Pembrook wants to meet Callen without any other agents around.  Pembrook hangs up and walks away.  Even tosses his phone into a half finished glass of water. Callen and Kensi check out the bench – he finds the water bottle.  Cortes hears from the FBI – they’re on site and want a sitrep.  Callen shows Kensi the address in North Hollywood.   With the FBI closing in on Callen, he’s off to deal with Pembrook with Kensi on his tail.

At Camarillo Airport, Deeks confirms that Beltran and three other people were on the helicopter but Pembrook wasn’t one of them.  Deeks is getting security video.  Cortes demands that it is sent to Langley as soon as it is available.  The Admiral does his version of rolling his eyes and says “of course.”

Callen arrives at the address Pembrook provided with Kensi just a few blocks back.  No one is at the home but since the bottle had the word “pool” in a circle, Callen check out the backyard.  There is a pool with a box at the bottom and lots of cameras all around.  Realizing that by going in the water Callen shorts out all his comms, Kensi tells Callen not to let Pembrook control the next move.  The Admiral doesn’t want Callen to go offline  Callen tosses his earwig and phone into the pool before diving in for the box.  Cortes pitches a fit that Kilbride has no control over his agents.  Saying they can track Callen through his car – and Kensi can trail him – the Admiral wants Rountree working with Kensi. 

A wet Callen finds a key to the house in the box.  Inside the house is a change of clothes and a key to a vehicle.

Kilbride wants Kensi to go in and see what Callen is up to.

Callen is up to getting into a van and in the van is an armed Pembrook.  Pembrook does the Pembrook stuff – talking about teaching Callen the language of violence.  After getting Callen’s gun, the two are off for a drive.

In Ops, Fatima has video from Camarillo Airport.  Beltran and three randos – two men and a woman - are walking to the helicopter.  Cortes demands Fatima send him the photos to run them through facial rec.  She was going to do that but he barks “send them to me.”  The Admiral nods and Fatima sends the photos.

Entering the house by picking the lock, Kensi finds Callen’s wet gear.  Kensi tells Ops that Callen mentioned a van by the house.  Cortes is disgusted they lost Callen “completely.”

Using Kaleidoscope, Fatima traced Callen through Van Nuys to LAX.  Cortes disses Kaleidoscope as a tenuous connection and tells Kilbride – who is quiet with a lot of side-eyeing – they better pray they don’t lose Callen.  Cortes gets a call – the CIA has ID the three with Beltran.  He leaves Ops.

Callen asks Pembrook what are they doing?  Pembrook says he’s trying to understand what Callen is feeling but Callen is not “doing that.”  Not wanting Pembrook as a therapist, Callen asks what Pembrook wants.  Pembrook wants to save Callen’s life, save Leah’s life and by that, maybe save his own.  Callen really doesn’t care about Pembrook’s life – “full stop.”  Pembrook leads Callen to an underground garage of an office building.

Fatima is still tracking the van on a bit of a delay.  The vehicle is near San Pedro.  Kilbride thinks that an awful long ride for Pembrook to take Callen on just to kill him.  Cortes disagrees – Pembrook could be taking Callen someplace off the grid to torture him.  After his phone beeps, Cortes has IDs for the three people with Beltran.  The three are Russians but not FSB.  The CIA got intel on the three entering the country but nothing else.  Fatima is joining the side-eye brigade.

In the parking lot, Pembrook starts by telling Callen he was obsessive and filled with anger.  Callen says this isn’t about him but Pembrook keeps pushing.  Callen’s anger drives his obsession.  Again, Callen really doesn’t care.  Pembrook admits he did horrible things – he won’t deny it.  And the Drona subject were children.  Pembrook says he thought his training methods were justified.  He’s consumed with remorse.  Callen doesn’t care.  Pembrook says he takes solace that Callen has moved on from his trauma.   Angry, Callen tells Pembrook he doesn’t know anything about Callen’s life.  Pembrook does – he’s been following Callen for 35-years.

Fatima hears from Vance’s assistant.  Kilbride is needed on a conference call in three minutes.  The Admiral is not pleased as he returns to his office.

Rambling, Pembrook has been following all the Drona children, trying to help those in the most distress.  Callen doesn’t believe him.  Knowing Callen so well, Pembrook offers to turn over Callen’s paper file – everything about Callen’s past.  Pembrook tells Callen he can date test the ink.  Pembrook starts talking about his own childhood.  If Callen isn’t interested in hearing Pembrook talk about Callen’s childhood, he certainly doesn’t want to hear about Pembrook’s.  All Callen cares about is the file and is offended that dangling the file in front of Callen is an apology.  Callen starts talking about having a hard time building relationships – he went from the DEA to the CIA to NCIS because Pembrook took from him the most elemental part of being a human – the ability to feel.  Pembrook knows this and knows it was a terrible thing to do.  He apologizes again and Callen isn’t interested in another apology.

In his office, Kilbride is waiting for Vance.  Fatima sends him the NCIS facial rec runs on the “Russians”.  They are, of course, Americans.  Cortes approaches Fatima, asking that she check the last area where the van was seen – maybe there is a CIA safehouse in the area.  Kilbride pops up on the big screen – he wants to see Cortes in his office.

Entering Kilbride’s office, Cortes asks if Kilbride shared what’s going on with Vance.  The Admiral did not and asks Cortes to close the door behind him.   After bickering about Cortes sitting down, Kilbride brings up an issue of dishonesty, especially with Callen being in such a precarious position.  The three with Beltran were Americans, not Russians.  Cortes tries to sell it as a good job with backstopping their IDs.  No, one of the men played football for USC.  Kilbride texted the head coach at USC to confirm it.  Cortes is not leaving the office until he tells Kilbride everything.  Sneering, Cortes asks if Kilbride thinke he can stop him by force.  “Don’t tease me,” the Admiral sneers back.

Rountree meets up with Kensi near the Port of Los Angeles in San Pedro.  They are sitting tight, waiting for an update on Callen.  Kensi asks Fatima about Cortes’s Russians and Fatima is sure they aren’t Russians.  She’s watching what’s going on Kilbride’s office via a security camera on the second level over the bullpen.

Callen asks Pembrook why is he killing the other Drona subjects.  Pembrook has been running a black ops Drona team for years.  Beltran was part of that team but wanted to start doing jobs for the highest bidder.  The only way Pembrook could get the rouge Drona subjects to stop doing these jobs was to kill them.  Beltran and his team killed a pro-democracy presidential candidate in Ethiopia along with the candidate’s family.  Pembrook was outraged that they killed children for a paycheck (as opposed to Pembrook I guess who only tortured children for a paycheck).   Since Pembrook was trying to kill Beltran’s team, they are returning the favor.  Callen reminds Pembrook that he is responsible for turning these people into psychopaths. 

A team of shooters open fire on the van.  Callen gets his gun back from Pembrook and the two make their way to a stairwell.  From the stairwell, Pembrook shoots into the van and blows it up.  Callen and Pembrook start running up the stairs but Pembrook is slow – he’s been shot.  Neither Callen or Pembrook have phones – Callen’s went into the pool, Pembrook ditched his burner at Pershing Square.  Pembrook has more happy news – he’s out of ammo.

Walking into an office that is being refurbished, Callen and Pembrook have Beltran and a partner in hot pursuit.  Hiding in a cubical farm, Callen and Pembrook escape to a stairwell but almost run into Beltran’s other two partners.  Callen and Pembrook go up another flight.

In Ops, Fatima downloads some photos of Beltran and his team – Cortes is in one of the photographs. 

Kilbride wants full transparency on Pembrook’s Black Ops from Cortes.  That is going to happen according to Cortes.  The CIA is willing to cooperate in the matter but not everything is going to be shared.  With his earwig in, Fatima tells the Admiral that Cortes worked with Beltran.  Cortes gets a text message with a list of CIA safe houses near where Callen and the van were last seen.  Kilbride starts talking to Fatima with Cortes in the room.  Cortes wonders what the Admiral is doing.

Callen and Pembrook get a higher floor.  Pembrook is in rough shape.  Finding a server room – that is fireproof and locks from the inside – Pembrook wants to stop running and let Callen go.  Callen and Pembrook wind up locked in the server room with Beltran and his team now on the floor.

Kilbride accuses Cortes of being part of Beltran’s team.  Cortes denies it.  The Admiral wants to know what Cortes’s role is in all of this.

Beltran tries to open the server door but it is locked.  He is about to move on when he realizes there is blood on his hand.   He asks the team to find something that will cut through the steel door.

Saying that Kilbride’s accusations are stupid, Cortes stands to leave.  The Admiral warns him not to so Cortes pulls a weapon on him.  “Are you insane,” is Kilbride’s reaction.  Saying his life is over as he knows it, Cortes is desperate to get out of the building.  Looking at the big screen, Fatima sees Cortes with his weapon out.  

Fatima walks into Kilbride’s office with her tablet and a pretend update.  Cortes orders her to leave – he’s exiting the building with Kilbride as a hostage.  Fatima won’t leave, earning a second gun pulled by Cortes.  She tells Cortes to look around.  There are several NCIS Agents with their guns drawn all over the second floor of the office building, including Agent Castor directly across the second floor. 

Cortes wants to leave the office and threatens to shoot Kilbride and Fatima if he can’t get his way.  When nobody moves, Cortes fires a shot into the floor by Kilbride and promises the next one is going into Fatima’s face.  While Fatima is clutching her tablet, she has her firearm under it.  To protect Fatima, Kilbride stands.  Cortes wants everyone to lower their weapons and Fatima gives the order to the others.  Cortes wants her to move to the left.  Causing a distracting, Fatima makes a Beyonce joke, asking if it is her left or his left.  When it is her left, the Admiral hits the deck, as does Fatima and the other agents on the floor unload their weapons in what was Kilbride’s office.  When Cortes does not go down, Fatima starts shooting and before long, he’s fallen out the window and onto the main floor outside of Hetty’s office.

As Beltran and company work to drill their way through the lock, Callen is looking for a way out of the server room.  Pulling down an air vent, he makes enough noise to stop Beltran for a second but only a second.  The drilling resumes.  The air vent is way too small to fit Callen or Pembrook.

Using Cortes’s facial ID iPhone, Castor is able to open the phone and pass it on to Fatima.  She finds evidence that Cortes was sending out everything NCIS was working on while he was there (and alive).  She starts tracking Beltran’s phone location.  Fatima sends the office building location to Kensi and Rountree who are on their way.   They were waiting for Deeks but are going in without him.

As the drill gets closer to opening the door, Pembrook tells Callen that when Hetty found out what he was doing she pulled Callen from the program.  He’s to blame for all that happened, not Hetty.  Callen wonders why Hetty didn’t tell him.  The drill breaks through the lock.

Kensi and Rountree see smoke coming out of the garage.  Inside, they find the burnt remains of the van with no bodies.  Bringing the big guns, Kensi and Rountree follow the bloody handprints Pembrook left on the stairway walls.

When Beltran gets into the server room, Pembrook looks to be alone.  Asked where Callen is, a seemingly struggling Pembrook says he doesn’t know, they split up.  Beltran says everyone always thought Pembrook was evil, a monster.  But Beltran knew otherwise and that was going to be Pembrook’s downfall.  Pembrook doesn’t agree.  Living with what he’s done is far more difficult than dying will ever be.  Beltran promises to put Pembrook out of his misery. 

Hanging from a small ledge over the door, Callen shoots Beltran.  Jumping down, he takes out Beltran’s partner.  As the other two team member rush back to the floor, Kensi and Roundtree arrive, arresting both.  Kensi gets an ambulance for Pembrook.

Outside of the ambulance, Pembrook hears that Officer Behr and Leah are safe.  Callen has arranged for NCIS Agents to take Pembrook to the hospital.  That’s not happening as Officer Behr shows up with Intelligence Agents from both the DoD and NSA – they’re taking Pembrook somewhere safe.  Callen is livid – does Behr know what Pembrook has done?  He does, Behr was a Drona subject, “There are a lot of us.  He made us, for worse or for better.”  As Pembrook drives away, Callen wants to know why Hetty never said anything.

Back in the office, Callen looks at all of Hetty’s things.  He gets a phone call from Pembrook.  He wants to meet Callen outside. 

Outside, Pembrook has a large file.  He answers Callen’s question – Hetty never said anything because she was consumed with guilt for getting Callen involved in the Drona program.  Callen isn’t really interested in Hetty’s guilt about trying to turn children into super-agents.  Pembrook disagrees.  Hetty put Callen into the program because he was brilliant and gifted, wanting him to live up to his full potential.  Hetty’s world was the arts and Callen wasn’t going to learn how to play the violin.  She wasn’t going to make the mistake some parents make of taking child with one set of talents and forcing the child to master a different set. 

Callen points out that Hetty isn’t his parents.  “You mean everything to her.  And you always have.”  Callen is as close to a son as Hetty ever had – she told Pembrook that because even Hetty needs someone to talk to sometimes.  While Callen may feel he’s been alone in this world, “you’ve been far from an orphan.”  Hetty loved him deeply.  Both Callen and Pembrook are a little weepy. 

Pembrook turns over the file with some advice.  “Don’t make your life be just about the past.  Let it be about the present and now the future.”  Pembrook offers his congratulations on Callen’s engagement and wishes him all the happiness in the world.  As he leaves, Pembrook mentions he gave Hetty the dossier on Senior Chief Petty Officer Sam Hanna.  “I thought he’d make a great partner.  No, that’s not true.  I thought he’d make a great friend.”  With all he did, Pembrook tried to look out for Callen as a way to make up for it all.

What head canon can be formed from here:    “Frank Military, please come to the front desk, clean up on aisle Drona.”

As an independent hour, this was great.  There wasn’t a dull moment, there wasn’t a dip in the tension, the dialogue was crisp, the action was top notch and there wasn’t a useless scene or conversation.  Frank Military is the king of “competence porn” – everyone on the team was at the top of their game, doing their best work.  Sam being “out of town” was a bummer – nobody writes the Sam Hanna competence porn better than Military.

But Drona.  For the life of me, I don’t know why in season 13 the program completely retcon’d Callen’s childhood.  For years, the backstory was Callen bounced from foster home to foster home, some bad, some really bad and some good.  He was found by Hetty, went to a good college, joined the DEA/CIA/NCIS and served his country.  Now, it seems Callen was some test subject where beating children was seen as great training and Callen completely forgot that part.  He remembered all his foster parents but not the guy who took a hammer to his fingers. 

Feh.

And if Drona and Hetty were keeping their eye on Callen from the time he was a little boy, could someone maybe have grabbed Amy Callen out of the orphanage and moved her in with a foster/adopted family before she drowned. 

Retconning characters’ past isn’t new to me – Samantha Mulder had multiple middle names and multiple kidnapping scenarios.  I have a high crapola tolerance level when it comes to this stuff but 13-seasons in, knowing that every season could be the last, introducing a complicated new storyline just seems like a bad idea.  And it was.

Nice touch having Cortes land right outside the Hetty’s office, what Mosley called Hetty’s throne.   Glad to see Castor not knocked out, instead being a key part of taking Cortes down.

So what did we learn today – you can abuse children physically and psychologically but if you suggest Sam Hanna as a friend to Callen, all’s good.

Episode number:   This is episode 19 of season 14.  The 321st episode overall.