#and like? babes? the trauma of almost losing someone you love is about you?

[lover-of-mine]

yes, a major thing about them is that they talk around things and hope the other one will just get what they mean without actually saying it, and they just, keep misunderstanding each other. Things would work out if they just, said what they actually mean for once when it comes to what the two of them have been through together.

About the discussion we've been having on my post about Eddie still having guilt over the tsunami, I think it makes a lot of sense with the way their characters are built, Buck might feel guilt over the fact that he couldn't control his reaction and alerted Eddie of Shannon, Eddie still carries the guilt of forcing Buck to get out of bed and accidentally sending Buck and Chris to the tsunami, Buck never got over anything in his life so he definitely still feels bad for losing Chris, and the fact that they never talked about the well actually infuriates me. The well was such a defining moment in their relationship and they never talked about it. Even without the way the team was treating Buck as a victim's spouse and the way Buck was completely irrational by trying to dig Eddie up, being down there made Eddie decide to give Buck his son. The fact that they never really talked about it is insane, because Eddie changed the very nature of their relationship after that, you can't just offer your kid to some guy you've known for a what? 2 years tops at the time? And never discuss the reason behind the decision (Eddie say i love you like a normal person I'M BEGGING YOU) and they keep going around the edges of the situation without ever looking at it in the eyes and I think they really need to sit down and just... Talk. About everything. Shannon's death, the tsunami, the lawsuit, the well and obviously the shooting and the lightning but also focusing on the feelings that come with watching someone you love going through trauma, not just supporting someone you love through their trauma. I think Buck would even benefit of talking about how he felt when Chris called him when Eddie took a baseball bat to everything he owns. They need to deal with the guilt and all other underlying feelings that exists there.

But since Buck doesn't believe his own worth and thinks he's not allowed his feelings, he thinks he just needs to shove it away (and he is shoving it away per Eddie's request because he focused on his hurt and what he got was everyone he loves mad at him and Eddie basically calling him selfish so he stopped asking in a way, and the grocery store fight is fueled by anger and I don't really think Eddie meant it, he just wasn't used to not have Buck prioritize him and lashed out, but Buck internalizes this stuff, like when Bobby says Buck calls him pops but we never see Buck calling him that because Bobby said they're not a family and Buck internalized the shit out of that) so he won't feel like he's making it about himself and Eddie overcorrects, so when he forced Buck to deal with something, the tsunami happened, he took a step back and Buck filed a lawsuit so dude probably thinks he needs to wait for Buck to come to him with it if he needs to, but Buck won't so they just... Don't do anything about it.

(bottle episode but it's just Buck and Eddie trapped in an elevator discussing their various shared traumas when)

YES THIS!!! EXACTLY THIS!!! I think you summed up pretty much everything I feel about Buck, Eddie, Buddie and guilt.

And you’re right about something else! The thing about them is that they don’t talk - ever - not about the important things, not about the things that matter, not about the things that could potentially unmake them!!! And they know!!!! Like, they must know, right????? That they tip toe around the big things.

So yeah they need to talk! Absolutely, big bottle episode with them trapped somewhere and just unleashing everything they need to say!

[couldeatthatgirlforlunch]

YAY I can bother you again! \:D/ /jk

Anyways I consider asking my favorite writers stuff as my therapy, so here I go. (Sorry if this is sudden or traumatizing)

--------------

I feel so bad for saying this but I'm most attracted to any batfam member (adult obvi) when they are at their worst, Bruce and his pathetic angsty ass literally all the time? Let's make a Robin.

Angry Dick with a cheerful facade trying to just be Bruce's equal? Bra is unclipped.

Post pit Jason so angry and mercilless feeling betrayed (any iteration but mostly Arkahm knight) and vengful? Baby I'm yours.

Fanon Tim who is sleep deprived and stalkerish? I'll strip in front of any security camara in Gotham.

Stephanie feeling she needs to prove herself? Please let me top you.

Insecure about his powers Duke? Sudenly I'm a physical meta expert, please show me those abs.

Cassandra thinking she is only capable of damaging? Honey put your hands on me, I assure you it will be anything but unpleasant.

Damian after "accidentally" killing Dick? Hello my name is beloved!

Don't feel bad about it!! I'm just the same and there's nothing wrong with us!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, pathetic wet cats who would just curl in my lap and rant or cry while I indulge them and they become dependent on me and only me??

Battinson is my favorite Batman from the movies bc hello???? I mean I get it why people liked Bale but like???? A guy who's been traumatized for 20 years and got to the point of making an armour to fight against criminals unrelated to the ones that took his parents bc he got so sad that he reflected enough that he came to the conclusion that no one should ever feel like he did, and he would use his entire life to stop crime because people deserved better, even the worst criminals shouldn't die bc they can change or other people might be miserable if they miss him?? And he's ready to die for that!! He doesn't care!! And then he becomes a parent but he sucks at parenting bc he loves them but he never learned how to love?? BABY I CAN TEACH YOU

Jason at under the red hood or as Arkham Knight??? YOU CAN KEEP KILLING PEOPLE IF THAT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER BABE, especially if you keep me around bc we dated before you died/got tortured for months/years, kidnap me, love me, make me yours, I don't think killing your pops is gonna help you feel better, but no nagging will come from me I SWEAR

Fanom Tim being so neglected by his parents that he doesn't think his physical and psychological suffering is important, the fact that he obsessed over his childhood heroes, putting himself in danger, practically deciding that he was going to help them, not bc "I wanna be a hero and I can so I should be" but bc "I don't have much to lose, we all need you, and I want to help you, bc you're all I have!!!" and caring so much that he tries to clone his bff when he dies, and almost dies just to bring his dad and hero back, bc he cares about others more than he cares about himself??? Baby I'm right here!!!!

ANY Damian angst, Damian sad over Dick, over Bruce, over Talia, all while pretending he's just angry, I love him!! Damian that just wants to make them proud!! Damian that wants to be good!! To be on their level!! To be powerful!! To be good enough!! I love love love him!!! I'm with you no matter if you're a hero, a villain, or an antihero!! Damian Wayne, you will always be famous.

Dick swallowing his traumas, his emotions, breaking down at any opportunity, feeling responsible for everyone and destroying himself bc of it!! His relationship with Bruce never being quite the same after he became Nightwing, but they still know, deep inside, that they would come running if the other asked for help, but they never do. And Dick sometimes doesn't even know if Bruce sees him as his son!! And he's sad bc of it, but he can't show it bc how do you tell someone that?!?!?!

Steph thinking she's never gonna be enough, that she needs to prove herself, when this feeling never goes away, bc it's more about you than others? YES YES YES

Cassie!! Don't feel guilty about your past babygirl!!! It wasn't your fault!! You're just a victim!! They even took your voice from you!! Come spoon me and you'll feel better!!!

You're perfect Duke!! You're amazing and cool and handsome and there's nothing wrong with you!! You have the most awsesome powers ever!! Now come here let me look into those brown eyes and lets make out.

Seeing characters that are just so unreal but we can relato to, watch them suffer, feel joy in it!! I'm just like you and you're just like me! Be mine!!

This is about DC, but I'm an invincible, the boys and Marvel fan too. I'm drooling seeing Invincible and Rex Splode at their most toxic or weak moments! I love seeing homelander, soldier boy and the deep being so pathetic that they HAVE TO make it everyone's problem!! On my Winter Soldier brain rot I was constantly going over and over again on the same scenes watching this man be sad and miserable and covered in blood and not having autonomy of his own body and being alone!! Of course I got sad, but we can be sad together!!

Anyway, I love receiving fun and easy asks like that (I'm unreasonably happy that you called me one of your favs), I closed the asks bc I was just feeling I little overwhelmed with anxiety, college, future and the amount of requests I was receiving even if I knew I didn't have to write every fanfic idea people sent me and can just write what inspires me in the moment, be it something people asked, or some inspiration that came for me from another place

[bloodcasket]

WHEN YOU'RE INJURED.

PAIRING(S): Ellie Williams x Reader, Abby Anderson x Reader.

WARNINGS: Mentions injury(cuts), blood, and other wounded descriptions. Slight angst?- (Possibly). Do not read if these are sensitive topics for you!

DESCRIPTION: How they react to your injury/take care of your wounds.

ELLIE WILLIAMS ;

The more loving, and attentive in this situation.

She sees you standing in front of her with a bleeding arm and she's immediately panicking.

After her trauma with Riley and all her other friends dying from infection, the last thing she wishes to see is her lover in pain.

But, she is extremely attentive. Remember when she was taking care of Joel? She will be on her hands and knees for you during times like these.

She rushes to go grab some supplies, not really having an idea in mind, just the goal of getting you healed.

She's full of anxiety and almost forgets to breathe.

"Shit! Where the fuck is it?". She quite literally rummages through everything and makes a mess.

Nothing else matters but you in this situation.

She comes back out with some antibiotics to clean you up, and some sutures to stitch your injury.

"I found some stuff...it might not be the best but it'll get you stitched up".

Her hands are shaking, you have to reassure her that you're okay.

"I got you, I got you", she'll whisper as she cleans you up.

Truth is, Ellie is a little insecure.

When she takes care of her own cuts, she does them messily and doesn't care enough to fix them.

But for you? Oh no. She has to make sure she does this right for her angel. She's just a little anxious she can't do it, is all.

When she's finished doing the best she can, she bends down to softly kiss your bandaged skin.

"There ya go. All better babe".

She's whispering sweet nothings to you all night.

She's hot on you ALL WEEK. Will not stop glancing at you and feeling guilty, even though it wasn't her fault.

"Hey babe, you feeling better?".

She needs a lot of reassurance that you're recovering fine. She doesn't want to lose you after all. It's one of her biggest fears. Even if it's over one trivial cut.

Waits for you to fall asleep at the end of every night to make sure you're not in any pain or form of discomfort.

She's the type of girlfriend to trace her fingers over your scarred skin lovingly once it's healed.

"I think I stitched it pretty good, didn't I?". A cocky act for someone who was scared shitless about you being hurt.

She's an extremely caring girlfriend even though she likes to pretend she's not. With Ellie, you'll feel loved and worshipped every moment.

YOU'RE sitting on the couch with Ellie, the faint sound of the record player playing music in background. A faint sigh is heard from below you, one that sounds defeated and downcast.

"You okay?", you run your hands through Ellie's hair as she lays her head down softly in your lap, her face turned toward your stomach. She responds by reaching up and softly tracing her fingers along your wounded arm, feeling the texture of the cotton wrapped around your skin.

"I hate seeing you hurt like this", she grumbles, and you try your best to hold back a chuckle. She's been like this all week, clinging to you with a woeful tone. "I know", is all you can say, your fingers gingerly massaging her scalp, "and I love you".

You watch her melt into your touch, her lips curving into a soft smile. You can tell she tries to hide it. "I love you too babe". Only you can make her smile like this.

ABBY ANDERSON ;

The more experienced and intelligent in this situation.

Abby is definitely more knowledgeable when it comes to issues like this, she knows exactly what to do because of her father being a doctor.

The moment you're showing her your laceration, she's immediately seating you down someplace safe, telling you to wait a second while she grabs the medkit.

She's extremely calm, her face showing patience, but her eyes prevailing concern.

She doesn't panic you in this situation, quite the opposite. She holds her mature composure.

She soothes you and tells you everything is going to be okay, that she'll take care of you.

Her hands are large and soft against you as she's examining your body. Your face becomes flush as her warm palms caress your aching skin.

"Does this area hurt babe?" , Her keen attention does things to you.

She smiles up at you in-between stitching the cut, trying her best to ease you.

"Hey, hey, hey. Focus on me okay? I know it hurts baby, I'm almost done".

She cleans your wounds thoroughly and makes sure everything is disinfected and wrapped up professionally.

She questions you after everything is done, acting annoyed with her grumpy expression. She wants to know every miniscule detail.

Truth is, she's just extremely anxious as to how you even became hurt in the first place. She wants to find a way to prevent it happening again.

"Just...please be safe next time or else I'll have to go with you. Okay baby?".

She gives you that intimidating glare, one that warns you to be more cautious of your surroundings.

You promise it won't happen again.......but your answer doesn't suffice. Abby sticks to you like glue.

She checks up on you every day and helps aid you when it comes to changing the bandages.

"Stop it, give that to me", she quickly takes the bandages from your hand, "let me do that for you".

She's an experienced girlfriend and is set on a routine of taking care of you. When you're dating Abby, you'll feel like a spoiled princess.

YOU'RE currently in the bathroom, examining all the medical tools Abby has. Truth is, you're searching for something to replace your old bandages with since they became soiled and bloody. "Where are they?-" you ask yourself, but are soon stopped as your girlfriend enters.

"What are you doing?", Abby is propped up against the frame of the door, looking at you with a questioning expression. "I thought I told you to come to me when you needed help changing those. Here, let me handle it", she sits you down on the toilet seat as she goes to unwrap your gauze.

"Looks better already. It's healing quick sweetheart, I'm proud of you". Her smile is so sweet and warm as she looks down at you.

She bends down to kiss your forehead, and you're smiling like an idiot as you feel her soft lips press against your temple.

[maria-rayro]

johnshi hc (part one?)

- Johnny likes to call Kenshi Ken, Ken-doll, Ken-boy, Kenny, Babe, Honey, Kitten, Greatest Swordsman (special cases), Sexy (and Sexy Face), Sunshine (especially when he's acting grumpy), Love, Tattoo and some other things, he's just really into pet-names okay, Kenshi thinks about starting making a list now lol

- Kenshi is not really used to pet names, so usually he just calls him "Cage" or "Johnny". Is really shy to use anything else, literally makes him blush to try. In his culture, when you call your loved one by the first name is already kinda intimate, so whenever he wants to emphasize his tenderness towards the man he just calls him Johnny. But secretly likes it when Johnny calls him something cute.

- When Kenshi introduces Johnny to his family, they're both really worried, but at some point Cage starts talking to the older generation of the Takahashi family about the history of their clan, the Sento, and Japanese history in general, and because of this he wins their respect and affection (well, because of this among other things of course; some had seen movies with him, so it was easier with them).

- After that, they have a conversation about Johnny's family, and he reveals that he was never on good terms with his brother or father, and his mom, the only family member dear to him (but who was away at work most of the time), died in service a long time ago. He mentions that he sometimes visits her grave, but he always gets very sad there because it makes him feel his loneliness more strongly. After this conversation, the next time it's time for Johnny to visit his mother's grave, Kenshi goes with him, keeping a hand on his shoulder because he wants him to know that he is not alone now. "You've done a lot, Johnny. She would have been proud of you"; "She would have liked you" Cage replies and feels like crying, immediately laughing because of how stupid it is. Kenshi strokes his back, silently helping him calm down.

- Kenshi has nightmares about his time as a Yakuza; losing his eyes wasn't as mentally traumatizing to him as the time before he decided to leave the Yakuza. Blames himself for all the pain he's caused people. Almost never talks about it, even to Johnny, but does say a couple things once, ending it with something like "Why did you ever think it would be a good idea to date someone like me?" Done a lot of things, including having some problems with alcohol, taking pills to make it easier to deal with the trauma after all the horrors he's inflicted on others or experienced himself. Cage responds by talking about how he got into rehab when he was at the beginning of his career.

- Johnny had an alcoholic father, so after going through a similar experience himself and going through rehab, he matured and began to take these things seriously. He starts drinking less himself to make it easier for Kenshi not to drink at all.

- Johnny has nightmares about Kenshi losing his eyes again or dying. He doesn't wake up screaming, but sweats from the stress of sleep and wakes up abruptly as if he's been doused with cold water. He then checks on Kenshi sleeping next to him, who, since he sleeps quite sensitively, wakes up as well. Seeing Takahashi immediately, frowning adorably, trying to fumble for the man's warm body next to him, Johnny's heart melts. "I'm here, kitten" he says quietly, lying down closer, and Kenshi, sleepily muttering something under his breath, pulls him to himself, taking the role of a big spoon now.

[thebestofoneshots]

My mate went off on me because I don’t know who Bucky Barnes (did I even spell that right?) is because I don’t like Marvel. The thing is I couldn’t really tell her “oh I do know who he is, I read smut/regular fics about him on Tumblr”…

Anyway, now I’m obsessed with a fictional character I know nothing cannonically about -🫎

Oh you’ve come to the right person. Allow me to educate you on canon.

His name is James Buchanan Barnes, nicknamed Bucky by his best friend in the whole wide world Steve Rogers (that’s Captain America). But we also call him Winter Soldier, Bucky Bear, babe, or one of Lily’s husbands in the Marvel Universe

What’s his story though? Easy peasy. It’s the 1940s he’s besties with Steve, back when he still looked like a twink, and gets drafted to fight in WWII (tho he pretends he enlisted)

That’s him back then. Yeah, we know. How could you not? Also, he’s played by Sebastian Stan, who is an absolute fluffball of a human being.

Anyway, Bucky gets drafted and then we see Steve’s story where he basically just becomes Captain America.

But then, and this is what the interesting stuff happens, Steve gets sent to a camp to cheer up the soldiers like he’s been cheering up the people, and then he finds out that the 107th Infantry Regiment (Bucky’s Unit) was captured by the German army, so he goes (against orders) to search for him.

After a lot of badass Captain America scenes we finally see our baby again. But oh no! He was tortured by Hydra and they clearly did something to him, we don’t know what.

So, Steve makes friends and they form a team Called the Howling Commandos, and they do a lot of badass things, helping the US army win WWII. In one of those missions, there’s a train.

Oh no the train.

Basically, cool fight scenes and all, Bucky falls off the fucking train on a heart wrenching moment.

And then… we don’t see him again until…

But, and this is a good question, HOW DID WE GET TO THAT?

Well, Bucky falls, hydra rescues him bc he’s alive (it’s the super soldier serum they injected on him while they tortured him), also, that’s when he loses his left arm.

They torture him for years:

Fry his brain so he doesn’t remember Steve and also add a little code so they can control his mind.

That’s how our beautiful and sweet Bucky Barnes becomes THE WINTER SOLDIER

Who is he tho? Basically, Hydra’s trained little weapon that does whatever they ask him to do. But it’s okay, eventually, he starts remembering who he is, and there’s a huge drama with this because Tony Stark (Iron Man) finds out Bucky killed his parents (it wasn’t Bucky it was The Winter Soldier) and gets all mad and pissy about it and wants to unalive poor Bucky.

But Steve thankfully defends Bucky and they escape together to Wakanda, with black panther. There Bucky gets frosted, also he looses his arm because of the fight.

Then he’s defrosted and the Wakanda people get him to get rid of the mind control codes put in by Hydra and this incredible scene happens

They also give him a new metal arm (this one’s black and gold)

And then my boy has to go to therapy (literally forced by the law)

Also he cut his hair too hehe.

I feel like I’ve summed up cannon Bucky pretty well so far. Of course, there’s a lot of emotional trauma and other plot points that I left out, but next time someone askes you about Bucky, you’ll know.

Also, I used to write almost exclusively for him, so the obsession is pretty heavy still, Bucky baby I still love you, I have not forgotten you my dear (my like 10 funko pops of you literally prove this)

Read Bucky Fanfics here

[justme-1723]

RANDOM ONLY FRIENDS THEORIES/THOUGHTS

- Sand will get tired of Ray’s shenanigans/not coming first in his life and take a step back. I think this might be where this mystery character comes into play (*the one he has a love scene with). Sand is my favorite character by a long shot and I just know he’s going to do something that disappoints me… I’m dreading it because I will call him out even though I love him dearly. Part of me thinks his lack of empathy/straight shooter attitude will get him into trouble. Sometimes he is TOO honest. On the flip side, I also think he feels things very deeply and this will not bode well because Ray is an addict. His heart will shatter. Not excited at all.

- Ray WILL absolutely lose his damn mind if he finds out about Sand sleeping with someone else (*maybe I’m wrong, but he just seems like the jealous type lol) I think he will push Sand away because falling in love with someone who has the capacity to love him back will terrify him. I think he will spend most of the series trying to convince himself and others that he doesn’t have REAL feelings for Sand. Poor babe. It’s okay Ray, I love you anyway. I do think he will be sober/starting his journey to sobriety by the finale too. I can’t wait for this part!

- I think we are missing some very vital information about Boston. I’m not sure what it could be… but I’m so worried about him. I know that may seem silly… sue me. He just gives me “I’m actually so fucking miserable and I hate myself uwu” vibes. Could be very wrong though lol. There is clear tension between him & Mew and I think there is a reason for that. One that might surprise us. Mew has made some shady comments about Boston & Boston doesn’t hold back when he talks about Mew to Top.

- Nick has no idea what healthy boundaries are. From the beginning, he has completely disregarded Boston’s right to privacy. Yes he’s cute and yes he’s young, but he has crossed every line imaginable (almost) and they aren’t even in a committed relationship. Boston isn’t obligated to be faithful. He doesn’t owe Nick any information about his sex life outside of their arrangement. Sigh. I think it will only get worse from here though… Revenge porn??… I hope not… I also think Nick just wants to be loved.

- Mew. There is something about Mew that I can’t quite wrap my head around. I was VERY surprised that he chose to use sex as a bargaining tool. It seemed very out of character for him. I love that he called Ray out for kissing him without his permission. It needed to be addressed and Mew handled it flawlessly. Which again, is why I was so shocked by his choices at the end of this latest episode… Ray calls him out yet again before he leaves, “Is Top really the kind of boyfriend you want?” This is the second time Ray has said something like this. Is Mew trying to prove something? Does it bother him that Ray of all people, the person he has very clearly said isn’t the type of boyfriend he wants, is the person pointing out that Top isn’t a good option either?

- Top is so complex. They all are really, but Top has so many layers and he isn’t as easy to read. (In my opinion) This ex is definitely important to him. I think he has some scars from that relationship. I also think there is some sort of hidden trauma that hasn’t been shared with us yet. His relationship with sex is all over the place. I can’t even begin to dissect that.

I have so many other thoughts swirling around in my brain, but they get so jumbled up lol. This probably makes no sense either, so have fun reading my nonsense. Or don’t. That’s cool too.

[mollyolikeme]

Thoughts as I read TSC: A Stream of Conciousness Part Two!

Filthy Spoils!

classic kevin.

LOL keep saying i see how much you bench as if thats an indicator of someones ability to kickass

HA! i always forget about the sixteen hour days shit, i cannot, i find it too fucking funny it's fucking impossible. mfs would be DECEASED. like DEAD.

they are so hardcore this fantastical has me CACKLING every time

like a ken doll!

BLONDE.

ill advised thoughts....

uh oh jean, your crazy is showing.

goddamn. to hate but need. complicated and absolutely screwed up relationship dynamics are fascinating.

okay, i like to rag on our beloved kevin (because its fun and easy) but like props where props are due. i know we didn't get to see his transition from raven to fox but i honestly think the boy would have handled it a lot better than jean jean morose over here. boy isssssss messed up.

foreshadowwwwww SWIM SHORTS!

dangerously low? dangerous for who jean?

do not be slut shaming, lucas. thats fucking gross of you and i'm not even gonna mention the nonconsensual factor...........

oh. my. word. its not funny but i feel the morbid sense to laugh at the ravens dropping like flies.

bad therapist. you cant force it. where is Dobson?

OMG LOL i summoned her!

dont you worry about kevin babe, the foxes got him

thats two hands on chin! thats two!

he's got a big dick! lololololololol boys not tryna be gayyyy

oh the heat! the HEAT! yes jeremyyyyyyyy

fear of water.

what happens when he losses his grip......i want to see you lose control......... hi familiar phrasing and trauma, i ADORE you.

in my head, jean has a very french tsk of his tongue reaction to almost everything people do around him.

yesssss the foxes ARE synchronized.

you tell him jeremy! none of his raven intentionally injuring people bullshit

omg were gonna get a little kevin trip to cali! reunion of the abused buds! (again gotta take the morbid hilarity into account for my health)

LOL wheel throwing! Patrick Swayze where are you?!

not the self flagellating notebooks he kept.....

oooooo intense. it all comes to the surface. the truth will always come out.

this is clever, gives just enough info about the ravens without explaining the crime side of things. go nora.

okay damn lucas.... issues buddy. dont be comin after jean jean. you'll regret it.

chin grab number 3! this time by jeremy 🤩

omg cuuuuuuuute little motorcycle ride and seashell gifty

again. uh oh jean. your crazy is showing to the coaches now. this truth is really spilling out the cracks

pause.......... guys my sanity........ my INsanity upon reading this........... im losin it! ......... okay resume.

morbid laughing morbid laughing morbid laughing fuck fuck fuck

yo. to somehow make me feel like neilio's story is a positive tale................

wow lucas. doubling down are we. his character does have a very difficult truth to come to terms with. its fuckin rough and a hella interesting arc.

you should call dobsonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

OH SHIT! neil's here! Thats not good news for you jean!

fy faen neil. you're kind of a gangster babe!

oh. dead sister. so sad. (typing it out like that looks sarcastic. It's not.)

yaaaaasssss thats the smart mouth we know and love! telling an agent he parked illegally!!! ahhhhh lolololololoolol

OMG Neil!!!! sweetheart! you care so much! awwwwwwwww wow nora seriously, what. a. treat! he cares about his buddy jean.

jeremy...... you got it so bad hun. always with the 'what do you need?' like just promise yourself to him forever and ever.

CHIN!!!!!!!!!! FOUR TIMES NOW.

woah Jer.

i like that jean actually doesn't like exy. such a good contrast to neils pov obsession.

im curious where this whole 'its not freedom its a pretty cage' thing is gonna go. like, yea i dont think you'll ever be 'free' free jean. but honestly this is pretty damn close. professional athletes lives are very straight forward. and if youre that good, fuckin easy.

[dlsintegration]

Using @iwtvfanevents's a meal to remember event as an opportunity to celebrate some of the sickos beautiful authors in this fandom 🧡 here's a list of some of my favourite recommendations, all of them Louis-centric and/or involving louis in a major fashion.

I will also be adding a song that I associate to each of them!!

🐺Leslou🐑

canon/semi-canon compliant

Pour (E) by baberainbow / @baberainbowao3: Kicking this list off with one of my all times favorite, manages to capture their voices perfectly. You'll never go wrong with one of babe's fics, they're all canon in my head 🧡

song: holy terrain - fka twigs

Glass (E) by baberainbow / @baberainbowao3: Melting just thinking about this one. I can never be free of them.

Pieta (E) by baberainbow / @baberainbowao3: Gabrielle gives lestat something he needs and gives louis something he didnt know he needed 🧡 Gabrielle is so kind 🧡

song: let go - tinashe

song: mary magdalene - fka twigs

Tides (E) by @nlbv: Tides my best friend. had to stare at my ceiling for at least 10 minutes after that one and it doesn't lose its impact no matter how much I come back to it. Masterful grasp on both louis and lestat's characterization and the toxicity that permeates their relationship.

song: tear you apart - she wants revenge

Roadkill (E) by @baberainbowao3 and @nlbv: TELL THE AVENGERS TO PACK IT THE FUCK UP. This is the most ambitious crossover of our generation. Roadkill my wife my beloved my soulmate. Read it so many times i've managed to convince myself it was canon. and it is. What is a family meant for if not for going to the circus, commiting horrifying acts of violence and making plans for the future 🧡

song: savage good boy - japanese breakfast

someone buy me roses (E) by indigostohelit: Perfect dialogue, impeccably true to their characters, illustrates louis' religious hangups and repression in a subtle funny and intimate way.

song: save a prayer - duran duran

Amour Rouge (E) by revengefrnnk: Louis exploring femininity. Big big fan of putting that man in lingerie personally. 10/10 certified s1 deleted scene to me.

song: blood and butter - caroline polachek

AUs

Reformation (E) by verseau / @greedydemands (MODERN AU): The sacred texts. We all remember where we were. 10/10 will make you go through the full range of existing human emotions. I laughed. I cried, a number of times. I sweat, I danced. I got... a shot, I ate and... I had many epiphanies.

song: heaven - shygirl / be sweet - japanese breakfast

hold me tight, & fear me not (E) by boltcutters / @wordforworldisforest (TAM LIN AU): Me when I find a beautiful fairytale book in the evil yaoi section. Read if you love beautiful writing and if you want to find out what happens to lost little lambs that stray from the path.

song: i cant breathe - gwsn

Part of Your World (E) by weathermood / @weather-mood (LITTLE MERMAID AU): I never know where to start when praising POYW, from how real and alive the world feels to the sense of tragedy permeating Louis and Lestat's entire relationship, to how much it's made me miss the sea. Oh and also the monsterfucking ❤️

song: like real people do - hozier / sea, swallow me - cocteau twins

House of Gold (E) by dirtygoldensoul / @revolution-starter : I don't usually read A/B/O fics but I love this one so much, for many reasons, the main one being how bad the family dynamics get me... Can't recommend it enough 🧡

song: work song - hozier

Like a Heathen clung to the Homily (E) by @thelioncourts (SEX CLUB AU): One of my favorite insights into Louis' internality and his lingering religious trauma, and how it still affects him, chapter 4 almost made me cry... Can't wait to see where it goes next.

song: after dark - mister kitty

🥀Loumand🎭

canon/semi-canon compliant

dirges (E) by boltcutters / @wordforworldisforest: Can't make my way into loumand territory without mentioning my beautiful wife dirges. Ziska if you read this know that you will be dealt with shortly. Loumand bed death allegation hours: CLOSED FOREVER.

song: posing in bondage - japanese breakfast

Alluvium (E) by serpenstkirts / @knifeeater: The best way I can describe Laïs' fics and how they make me feel would be to liken the experience to drowning into a lake and being grateful for the dark water filling your lungs. This fic is about eroticized latex gloves and finger sucking btw.

song: only seeing god when i come - sega bodega

vanishing point (E) by serpentskirts / @knifeeater: Motorcycle sex as religious experience. Day 67 of my campaign to get Laïs in that writing room.

song: sunset - caroline polachek / nascar - stella smyth

Selfsame (E) by @vampdf: 70s LOUMAND CRUISING ERA MY BELOVED. Number 1 on the list of the crimes Eli has to answer for. 1000/10. Died five separate times reading this. Rolin look at me. Rolin dont listen to AMC. You need this in s2. It is crucial that we get this. Louis deserves it.

song: a pill to crush - evelyn / sulk - tr/st

Prey Drive (E) by The_Lame_Goat / @iwtvdramacd18: Speaking of loumand's 70s insane bdsm practices 💔💔💔 s2 script just leaked. Is your eternal vampire marriage hitting a rough spot? Try our newest predator/prey large-scale roleplay!

song: lullaby - the cure / on the run - kelela

Mark Deep (E) by The_Lame_Goat / @iwtvdramacd18: Goat you have my blood on your hands. No added commentary needed actually. The damage this fic has done to me is irreversible. Read if you want some more quality t4t loumand insanity.

song: pang - caroline polachek

Rumpelstiltskin (E) by weathermood / @weather-mood: Most normal loumand roleplay night. Louis wakes up in a tower. I literally refuse to say anything else until you all read it for yourself and go through the sheer range of emotions I've went through when first reading it. #Their princess/captor slay is real and alive and thriving. This fic is also part of the NMHMRGPINE (No Matter How Much Rashid Gets Paid It's Not Enough) verse btw.

who is she ? - i monster / big bad wolf - shakey graves

AUs

the night island (E) by @vampdf (MAFIA AU): I don't know much but I know Armand was made to be a mob boss and Louis was made to be a mob wife. One of the most insanity-inducing byproducts of the career dom s2 teaser Armand scene(tm).

song: bitch bites dog - cecile believe

🚬Armand/Louis/Daniel📚

thy fearful symmetry (E) by mothmaiden: 70s era. One of the flrst iwtv fics I ever read. Never left my mind since. Delicious dynamics between the three of them, got me gasping and covering my mouth many times. Can't recommend enough.

song: soul control - jessie ware

Little Kidnaps in the Dark (E) by @gayvampiredivorce : The damage little kidnaps has wrought on my crops, my mental health, my friends and family can NOT be overstated. Masterful interpretation of the evolution of their relationship and dynamics through the haze of vampiric existence. Anne could never have done this.

song: when the sun hits - slowdive

Lethe series (T/E) by serpentskirts / @knifeeater: Quite simply one of my favorite series not only in that tag but in general. Every sentence Laïs writes pulls me into a dark void that I hope I'm never getting out of.

song: hopedrunk everasking - caroline polachek

🖤Lestat/Louis/Armand/Daniel💀

Good to Love / Ruthless in Love (M) by themasterletters / @brightfelon (MODERN AU): Reading Toni's fics makes me feel like im a teen again, waiting anxiously for updates and calling up all my friends to scream and , am in love with all of Toni's readings of the characters but his Louis truly gets me. That fic doesn't only live rent free in my head it's also led me places I wouldnt go to with a gun. I have seen the best minds of my generation led to madness by toni's loumand. btw.

song: career boy - dorian electra / genghis khan - miike snow

Lestat/Louis/Armand

A Potentiality for Corruption (E) by @vampdf: The thing is. I can't talk about Eli's fics without talking about Potentiality. However. Talking about Potentiality also happens to send me into a state of delirious hysterics. Daphne Du Maurier found dead in a ditch. Charlotte Brontë shaking and crying. Guillermo Del Toro found jobless. There's a new Gothic classic in town.

song: ptolemaea - ethel cain

[hiccupologist]

WIP time! plus a massive TRIGGER WARNING for an opaque reference to vague canonical disordered eating, which is fetishized in a really complicated way because the writer is a lifelong ED patient, but it's like, hopefully sweet and not weird and triggering tho, but you know. be careful and all that. disconnected chunks are separated by dividers bc I write in outline + discovery bridging style

petrigrof, FA/wg/stuffing/stomachache kink, light angst, hurt/comfort vibes

  Simon pressed his head deep into the pillow to block out both the sound of his alarm clock and of a quiet, sickly burp that he couldn’t manage to hold back. Betty was already getting up, and he would rather pretend to be asleep than answer questions. Interacting with anyone at all was risky at the moment, but the last thing he needed was to get someone so close to him involved in this mess.

  He thought she would just leave and go downstairs to start working on the slide presentation she’d been compiling from a recent batch of archaeological rubbings, because she almost made it off the rug before she turned back. “You feeling okay, honey? You want me to let you sleep in?”

  “Mhm.” He mumbled, still buried in a slough of bedclothes. “I’m fine, I just had a long night.” This was technically true. He just wasn’t mentioning the part about methodically consuming an entire apple pie from the 24 hour grocery store.

  She rubbed his shoulder affectionately through the blanket. He didn’t even open his eyes, not willing to meet her gaze this early into his self-flagellation stage. Betty was so perfect. Even her imperfections were endearing, not like spontaneously turning into an irritable crazy person when ambient noise got too loud, or needing to have a private cry after receiving constructive criticism, or. The thing that was currently happening.

  “Okay, Simon. You get some rest and I’ll check on you later.”

[...]

  “It’s not just stress-eating. Well, it is, but-” He swallowed roughly. Hopefully after he surmounted this peak, his anxiety would spill into some kind of catharsis. “I do it a lot, when my life isn’t going well. Or I feel like it isn’t.” It’s just horrible the whole time. Crap. “Oh, god, I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m going to be sick, I’m going to cry, I’m-”

  “Shhh. Simon.” Now she looked almost equally upset, and he felt even worse, but her tone was comforting and she leaned forward to hold him. “You don’t have to tell me if you can’t. I think I already know.”

  “How?” He didn’t mean to sound so accusatory; his voice cracked into a sob at the end of question. He was being held by the love of his life, he was being published academically again, he even felt like he had finally conquered the invasive ivy in their front yard, but he honestly felt like his life was falling apart. He’d gone to so much trouble to hide that diseased, malformed part of his personality from her. He thought maybe he could handle telling her, but if she’d known for God knows how long, he just wanted to die.

  She’s rubbing little circles in his back, seemingly unphased by what he feels is effectively a temporary bout of insanity. Her voice sounded hesitant. “Oh, babe. I… I can tell when you’re so full it’s hurting you. We don’t spend that much time apart.” At this statement he gave a muted wail of abject agony, and she pulled him in tighter. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ve been wanting to talk about it. I’m not being judgemental, I promise. I just don’t want you hurting your stomach.”

  Simon sniffed, head still resting against her body. He didn’t feel comfortable yet, existing in a reality where Betty knew all of him, even the raw sensitive embarrassing bits. His deepest existential fears, his childhood dreams and traumas, sure, he’d spill those out for her like cutting roe from a salmon. But not this part. “I’m going to start fasting again. I did it before when-”

  “No.” She replied, gently but firmly.

  “But I hate losing control like this!”

  “I know your first instinct is to try and grab the steering wheel and fix everything, but…” She sighed. “Look. It’s not my story to tell, but I kind of know about this stuff. It’s like one of those finger tube things, or the barbs on a fishing hook. Like… you overeat because you feel bad, right? So logically, if you beat yourself up about food, isn’t that gonna make you eat more?”

  He looked up at her. “But… but if I don’t do anything, I…” In a much quieter voice: “...I’ll gain so much weight.”

  “That’s not the worst thing in the world, right?” She brushed a lock of hair away from his damp forehead, smeared with tears and panic sweat. “And anyway, it would be better for you to gain fifty pounds than a hundred pounds, right?”

[...]

  “How’s this?” She asked, her voice almost lowered to a whisper. Her cool hand caressed the soft underside of his stomach, where the bulge of his added fat connected with his sensitive upper pelvic area. He shuddered, but not from discomfort. It almost felt like he was being tickled, a visceral, giddy feeling in his guts. “Do you like me to touch your little belly?”

  “Y-yes, I like it very much.” He swallowed. He couldn’t believe she was so brave as to say such a thing out loud, not only the word “belly” but the entire fucking concept. How was it possible for someone’s brain not to short circuit and melt, forming those words? He knew it was because he was messed up really bad in the sex part of his brain, but still, it was hard to comprehend.

  “You know, I’ve always thought it was cute when your tummy gets a little round.” She kissed his neck, and he squirmed despite his best efforts to retain a scrap of dignity. “You’re not as fun to cuddle when you’re all skinny. I remember when you got that horrible stomach bug, it made me worry about you so hard.” She leaned down next to him and switched to a lying position on the bed, then reached out to continue giving his abdomen loving touches. A hand stroked the top of his belly, running over the plush pad just under his sternum. “But when you have some extra stuffing in you, you’re very soft and huggable.”

  He could feel some of his terror melting into arousal, although perhaps that was too simplistic a term; Betty could make him feel flustered, a strange combination of sexual desire and the kind of joyous validation you’d get from someone giving you an unexpected compliment. It was hard not to feel overwhelmed. He was still working on not shutting down due to shyness when she got explicitly affectionate with him. He did his best to form coherent sentences. “That feels so good to hear, Princess, you wouldn’t even believe… thank you.” He sometimes worried his pet name for her displayed too much of his id. It certainly hadn’t been his intention, but he’d come to realize the word was embarrassingly close to “mistress”. Deep down he worried that everything he did to fulfill his role as a man in their relationship was a lie. But it was also sort of… wishful thinking, really. He sometimes wished he and Betty could trade places as boyfriend and girlfriend; not genders, they would be the same people, but she would be the one expected to provide for him and make decisions, and he would simply love her and support her and be safe and protected. “I really want to believe the things you told me earlier. About, eh, eating. But I’m just so worried about losing control. If this is what it’s like when I’m trying to use my willpower…”

  “Trust me on this. We can even research it at the library together, okay?” She had stopped moving her hands now and settled them on his body, one draped over his waist and one folded against his back, pressing into it. “Mm. Do you want me to say something a little silly? For your thing?”

  “Oh! By- by all means.”

  She nestled against the crook of his neck, whispering. “Even if somehow your worst case scenario happens and you just keep eating, and you get really big,” she kissed his cheek, “I’ll still love you and want to hang out with you because you’re my cute, smart, awesome boyfriend who I’m going to marry no matter what size you are.”

  Simon released a shaky breath. “That’s incredibly romantic.”

[r3ylf]

I won't return to you until. I have all of these traits. I'm sorry for how long it might take. It could be soon it could be later. But I love you. If the feeling is mutual you'll feel what I'm saying. I'm being stronger than any excuse I could give you. I found out I was not even remotely correct about you. I hope you're not gone. But if you are. Thats my fault. I'm so sorry I didnt trust you or listen. I was never even a person. Addiction and trauma will make you not even notice yourself anymore being so cruel to people. If I say nothing I know you'll just create a reason so here's for you the truth. What is real. I hurt you worse than you ever hurt me I didn't even try and see you as you were. I assumed the worst. I was a bad person to you and I don't want to think that I went my whole life not realizing it. I learned a valuable lesson. Stop talking so much and look and listen. Noone who doesnt mean what they say will stick around you if you figure them out cause they aren't getting anything out of being there and not somewhere where they can succeed in being dishonest. You were an angel and I'm ashamed I hurt you I feel like I lost everything but that's not true you were my everything but you shouldn't have been life is suppose to be big. Not locked on to one person so hard we lose focus on our responsibility to ourselves. I know I'm not who you think i was right now. But sometimes I slip back in a little. Like right now. I do feel awful I just don't want to get passionate about it because I'm afraid to be without you but it's Been almost a week and I know you're feeling angrier everyday. At me for this separation. I can't blame you for me not being able to stop losing my mind but let me tell you I fucking miss you and am salty and paranoid as hell that your being held by someone else becau3 fucmekfjjrrje i hate myself.I am wrong you were right please please be strong and safe and listen to me. Never again will I question if you're my enemy. This is for comfort if it makes you feel anything else it is not real give it some time and then read it again. Don't ask for others opinions make your own choice and don't look for proof I'm right or wrong feel how it feels if it's true and then feel how it feels if it's not. I can't hurt you from a place like rehab. I can't flip and change my mind. This is final. I made the choice finally . I'm gonna focus on me now you are not inept it's me I'm 10 years behind you babe

Give me chance prove what I'm saying. Just be safe and love yourself like you have a love so warm it's gonna keep you you.

Always welcome to not need anything. To be permitted. You are enough I'm sorry I fucked up I hope you okay. I'm goin to replace the property I damaged. Even if you hate me no matter what. Thats what I get for putting myself in a position to hurt the only person I could want even though they were a perfect imperfection designed not completed, I'm the hypocrite. And everyone fucks up and you did but it was me who is gonna just validate what everyone says doesn't matter. Only misunderstanding someone is because you are looking at them wrong or not looking at at all. And either on of those things means I'm not gonna give it attention as something i need around me. Drugs and mental illness make me what to cry but that's my Ted talk thanks for finishing this long bullshit excuse for why simply you were right I was a fucking piece of shit. And you didn't deserve any of it. I miss you. You're never alone cause Trevor I never stop thinking about you for long so I'm there in spirit. My intentions are positively conclusive. I am not giving up on you. Just gonna level up with training and try again. If you wanted. One day. Idc what you do with you. I won't demand you to do anything but be wherever you are in life and I won't rush you to even be something else again. You are not gonna see my conform to the belief that we can't do this and make it work idc idc. I'm not that weak. I don't even believe in Helen keller they made that bitch up. She never knew sign language or existed what the fuck. but neither does the concept of me abandoning you. You weren't hurting me really my reaction was tho. If you think I'm dope as hell when I'm down. Baby. Watch me get a fucking reality check don't need rehab advice need sobriety tho. Need them meds can't make myself do it alone need to be away to b3 a better thing you would give a chance in your life shit if you sent me to jail I can't even cry you were such a fucking real person man I fucked up please just know what you know and carry on I'm doing me you do you. You're too strong for me to tell you this but I didn't believe you were bad dude I always think different thats why nobody likes me and i like you. Dont care if people want me be anything but not shitty. I sometimes that's not cool to never be teachable I'm only 25 what I know is nothing and fuck you know more than I'll ever know but that's cause youre smarter though.

You're my only reason for being a better human being. Oh and.

LAWNMOWA

ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT IM WRONG????

SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE DOUG! A BUBBLE!

BBQ sauce is so good and

Is that grape sprite?

You mean this?

Yeah yeah.

I miss you man I finally want to feel good and. Have fun and not decay. Rehab sucks I'm sorry I'm not already a pro at riding this life bike but his name is biycle he cooh. If you didn't laugh at that you're being stubborn it's your own joke don't be lying that biycle shit had ME crying. I miss your jokes. See you later Trevor. You're gonna be excited when I pop out of rehab and pull up yeah I'm not gonna tell you either. People that love you just prove it. Even if I gotta take you from a hoe I'll do it. Im jp if you're happy I'll leave you alone. Cause you deserve that and I should've known. I always have too much to say. Shit I wouldn't read messages either annoying as fuck. But maybe when its sinking in those people fucked up both our heads and used us as weapons. You'll want to see what I said and this is my reality honestly you cab roll the dice of you want to but I. Willing to be better and stop making it out like I was the only one who even existed I. The world relationship or country who had something bad happen to them . There's a whole lot out there I love you I wish I could stop typing but I miss you. Dont worry have faith I'll be back my original not this way. I'll have shorter answers and patience and love If you aren't wanting it thats OK it wasn't for you but it was yours to try and see what I can prove about being a bullshit person to you. I just want it to goddamn stop. But im addicted to the bop. Ha. Back to the original meaning. I love you but I don't treat you well. So I'm gonna go remix my brain and autotune it or something to be better and work more efficiently at being pure and not so fucking BLUE . Idk how to stop I'm just gonna end this I think you get it. Im gonna shut up now. See you later lover sorry I made you hate me you and the world. If you don't find a way to make the rehab TV ring or something I'll assume I deserve this loss and cope. And let go of someone I'll miss. Fuck. I suck. And like words.

The Sign Of Good Character Is In Ten Qualities

Al-Haafiz `Abdur-Ra-oof Al-Munaawee [رحمه الله] [D. 1031 H] said: Yoosuf Ibn Asbaat said:

❝The sign of good character is in ten qualities:

1. Rarely arguing,

2. Treating others fairly,

3. Abandoning seeking out people’s faults,

4. Seeking to rectify and improve any evil qualities which appear,

5. Seeking excuses for people,

6. Bearing harm,

7. Blaming oneself,

8. Occupying oneself with awareness of one’s own faults and not with the faults of others,

9. Having a cheerful face,

10. And being mild in speech.❞

[Faydul-Qadeer, (3/464) | Translated By Abū Talhah Dāwood Ibn Ronald Burbank]

[fangirleaconmigo]

I so share your opinion on the word butcher and the meaning for Geralt and I hate the writers for choosing that particular word. I can't accept that they don't associate it with racism bc that was the whole point of the first episode and they made it obvious how much Geralt hate being called like that. But the sad truth is that seeing some of Lauren's tweets she really seems clueless with such things. And knowing what happens at the end of the lady of the lake, it makes it even worse. Also I don't understand the people who wanted Geralt to ask for forgiveness for his behavior in 1x06 but are completely fine with the song. One was having a bad behavior towards a person privately, he was lashing out and he definitely should ask for forgiveness but it was a private fight, no call for hate for jaskier. The other was telling to a crowd that hates the witchers and considers them monsters, that in fact they are monsters. I hope they revisit that in the future but I doubt it. Thanks for your metas.

Thank you!

I find it so interesting. Geralt and Jaskier’s conflict is like a Rorschach blot test for viewers. I mean, all art is. But how we respond to fictional conflicts has everything to do with our own personal flaws, experiences, and traumas.

For example, that scene on the mountain and how someone responds to it, usually says something about whether that person is typically the person who loses their temper or if they are the one who people have lost their temper on.

And to complicate it further, how do people feel about the relationship up to that point? The big theme of their relationship is that Geralt refuses to call him his friend. He refuses to admit he likes him, and even refuses to use the word.

So. Do you (the general you) think that Geralt very obviously cares about him and is just being grumpy? Or do you feel that Geralt barely tolerates him? That probably depends on your own values or expectations of friendship.

Then FURTHER complicating THAT is the fact that there is little actual development of that friendship “on screen”. The friendship is drastically underwritten relative to the emotional role it must play. So we are all operating from different impressions of what that relationship is like day to day.

I have been on witcher Twitter, Witcher tumblr, ao3 and (until recently) discord almost every damn day since the show came out. So I have seen every possible characterization and opinion on their conflict. And at this point in the fandom, there has been backlash, backlash to the backlash, and another round of backlash to that as far as how people feel about, or characterize it.

But I digress.

Then we finally get S2 and we find that Geralt actually left him on the mountain and hasn’t returned to find him or apologize the entire time, and Jaskier is singing Burn Butcher Burn, a song that I find (I’m with you on this one) completely inextricable from racism and bigotry.

So.

If I were to acknowledge and perceive Burn Butcher Burn, here is how I see it “in world”. (this is not an endorsement, babes I’m just talking)

You know how someone is mean to you and you lose it? Maybe stuff has built up or you’ve got other shit going on? So you react with such disproportionate spite that you INSTANTLY lose all high ground? Two second ago you wanted an apology and now your dumb clown ass has to grovel? Lmao

That’s how I see this. So now you know my very personal individual reaction to it based on my own psyche.

Geralt said some cruel shit. That sucks. It’s not ok to yell at people you love and talk to them that way. An apology would have been in order. I personally hate being yelled at with my whole heart and soul. But if I love someone enough to be friends with them for 20(!) years, I’m gonna forgive someone a mistake in the heat of the moment. People make mistakes.

Now we find out that Geralt apparently left him there without saying a single word. That’s worse. He would have a long way to go to make up for that. If Jaskier didn’t want to he his friend anymore that would be his decision.

But Jaskier?

Burn Butcher Burn???????? Since we have established that I associate that with racism and bigotry against Geralt, and it is unquestionably associated with one of his worst traumas this side of the trials, I literally cannot think of many things more singe-your-eyebrows off cruel. Joey played it with such amazing grief and emotion. But even so. How long was he singing that? How many people did he sing it to? Over and over and over? And publicly?

The facts of it can’t overcome even that gorgeous performance.

It is, for me, from my perspective, unthinkably cruel.

I’ve had people say to me “haven’t you said anything out of cruelty?”

And to that I’d say two things. First, haven’t you ever loved someone so much that no matter how you break up, whether they are in your life or not, there is always a part of you that will protect them? Have you? I have. And the second and most significant bit it…if bigotry is not in you, it doesn’t matter how hurt or drunk you get, it still ain’t in there.

So again, we’re back at the various ways you can look at the word Butcher.

So. If I have to put this “in world” I have to believe that either Jaskier doesn’t make that connection, or is in such grief that it’s like a fugue state and he doesn’t grasp the reality of what he is doing.

Then if I were writing their reunion, I would have the reality, the full weight of what he’s done just drop on him like a load of bricks the moment he sees Geralt’s face in the flesh.

And he would apologize. And I would write Geralt responding in the most emotionally devastating way possible: by instantly forgiving him.

Yeah. It’s fine.

Because deep down, Geralt has always suspected he is actually a butcher or a monster.

And that has to devastate Jaskier because he has worked SO HARD for SO LONG to get Geralt to see himself as a good man.

And in the end, he is the one that has pushed the ability to do that out of Geralt’s grasp. Because if the friend who loves him most sees him that way the minute he hurts him, well then, it must be true.

I think it’s a long way back from that one. And though Geralt forgives him, he never forgives himself.

But of course I’m not writing the show.

[bittersweetmorality]

— chuuya boyfriend headcannons (sfw & nsfw)+ drabble

☾ genre: SFW and NSFW Headcannons (NSFW section is marked-- 18+)

☾ pairing: Nakahara Chuuya x GN!reader (reader is given the name ‘mommy’ in the drabble)

☾ warnings: none for the SFW– general smut for the NSFW ??

☾ w/c: 1,978 words

☾ a/n: hey lol :D as a certified chuuya fucker, i just had to.  i literally have like three other chuuya drafts that i’m currently working on.  hopefully they turn out like i want and i can post them bc :| the chuuya tag is starving.  anyway i hope i can populate it just a tad.  thanks for reading bugs !

— SFW 

lemme start off by saying that he will treat yo ass RIGHT.  ON MY MOMMA.

not to bring his trauma into this already but :| my man has major abandonment issues.  he will not do anything to jeopardize your relationship, and he honestly just values your happiness above anything else

you just know how much he cares about the fellow members of the mafia– even though they don’t requite the same amount of love that he gives them, he still loves them wholeheartedly

even dazai

little shit

his love language is definitely touch and gift-giving.  no i don’t accept criticism because i’m right

you’re telling me he wouldn’t absolutely spoil you with expensive gifts ?? mans is a mafia executive– he’s making hella bank, and he is spending it all on you

he’s also definitely a pretty clingy significant other, but good luck trying to get him to admit that :|

his life is… well… yaknow

there’s always a lot going on there..... he’s stresst

he wants nothing more than to just hold you in his arms after a long day-- especially if he just came back from a hard day at work

times like this are when he’s most clingy-- he feels like he almost lost you, and now he never wants to let you go

many, many times he’s fallen asleep like this; you’re basically suffocating in his grip as his eyelids flutter closed, either on the couch or your bed

but of course you’re not going to complain

and he’s so glad you don’t

he’s also the type to almost never explicitly say that he loves you at first, it’s simply not something that comes naturally to him

instead he indulges in his love languages profusely, and he just hopes you get the message

he’s also afraid that you’ll leave him if he says something like that, so for a long time he doesn’t :(

so when you come home to a bottle of expensive wine wrapped in an exquisite red ribbon, you know he just wants to tell you how much he loves you

eventually, of course he’s comfortable with you enough to say it, and it comes completely natural

and since he’s such a romantic, he says it every morning when you wake up, and before you go to bed without fail

he’s definitely the type to show you off too

like, as he’s having a conversation with someone, he’ll suddenly get really loud when talking about you so everyone within a three-mile radius can hear

“well, you see i would go out drinking with you tonight, but i actually have a date.  with my partner.  you know them, right?  here’s a picture i took of them a few days ago, just look a-”

also: biggest hype man

you could open a jar of jam and he’d be like “holy shit, you go babe”

nakahara chuuya kiss me rn challenge

anyway, basically he’ll love and support you no matter what

like truly you’re like a walking ray of sunshine to him

anyway !!!! DATES !!!!!!!

dates with chuuya are planned.  always.

like i SAID he’s a hopeless ROMANTIC MY GOD

he absolutely loves picking you up at your doorstep and taking you for a ride around town on his motorcycle

speaking of which, your arms wrapping around his middle and squeezing him tight as he drives the bike is literally his favorite thing in the world.  oh my god you’re going to make him melt

and i know for a fact your first kiss with him was after he dropped you off at your door when your first date was at its end

it was almost completely perfect honestly, except when your faces were just mere inches from one another, his hat bumped into your forehead and fell to the ground

baby was so embarrassed-- he went bright red and picked up his hat, basically shielding his face

he just wanted the date to be completely perfect– and it was!! until that happened

but obviously you just let out a light giggle and pulled him against you, and he quickly closed the gap between your lips

also, chuuya sleeps in

he sleeps a lot <33

that being said he loves lazy mornings

it’s well past 11, but you’re still laying in his arms– who is he to get up?? and disturb the peace??????

he will not.

also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i can’t even emphasize this enough, but please comb your fingers through his hair

there’s a chance he might melt into a puddle on the spot and never recover but still

on the rare occasion where he’s the little spoon--

(which, speaking of which, @dazai-centric​ has a headcannon that chuuya always insists on being the big spoon no matter what, but on rare occasions he lets himself be wrapped up in your arms and THEY’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.)

anyway, so on this rare occasion

where his head is basically buried in the junction between your shoulder and your neck, and you just rake your fingers through his hair softly

he dead.  dead as hell.

and ERRRRM.  kisses with him are just……… wow…………

naturally, he always wants to be the best at everything-- it’s just his personality

and kisses are no exception

he has to be the BEST

and he is

so, kisses are always so passionate and rough

okay hold on maybe this should go under the NSFW category 😐

ANYWAY!!!! 19472946/10 boyfriend

— NSFW

so rough sex is very common for y’all 😁

he likes to take his frustrations out from the day like this, and honestly you don’t complain

he definitely has a high sex drive so 😁

obviously you have an established safe-word and talk about everything before anything transpires because the LAST thing he wants is to hurt you in any way

but if you ask him to spank you he is definitely not gunna say no <3 chuuya said spanking kink

speaking of kinks

bondage xoxo

this goes both ways— he likes to tie your wrists to the headboard with rope and tie your legs down if you’re okay with it

for him, he likes his wrists cuffed to the bed

but he definitely doesn’t like all of his power stripped away by having him completely tied up

also he loves eye contact

that’s why missionary and mating press are his favorite positions <3

he likes to grab you by the jaw and make you look at him when he’s fucking you

“hey, hey, princess what did we say? if you want to cum, look me in the eyes when i fuck you, yeah?”

he loves praise and degradation equally

but if you’re degrading him don’t go too far :((

degrade slightly him while he’s on the bottom and he’s putty in your hands

now, if you praise him while he’s on top, get ready to not be able to walk for the next 3-5 business days because that’ll feed his ego a LOOOT

and he’ll just get lost in the moment because he loves you....... so much

he degrades you slightly, but only during foreplay

he calls you his little slut, or his whore

“aw, so wet for me and we’re barely getting started, doll.  such a little whore, aren’t you?”

when you actually get into it, it’s all praise from him

he wants you to know how important you are to him, how good you feel and just everything on his mind

he loses his filter in the moment awn god

“so fucking perfect, i only want you.  you’re mine.  god, you feel so fucking good.”

he loves to hear you too-- it really feeds his ego

but sometimes if he’s really had a rough day, he’ll make you gag on his finger or wrap his hand around your neck

he doesn’t squeeze too hard nor genuinely make you gag, he just likes the way your eyes are barely able to meet his because he’s making you feel so good

but ANYWAY pet names are a MUST with him

he calls you doll, sweetheart, princess, baby, dove, doll

basically every sweet name under the sun during sex

he likes you to call him sir 😁

this man has no shame when it comes to noise

like absolutely none

since he’s possessive, he wants people to know he’s fucking you, and how good he feels because of you

no one else can make him feel that way and he wants everyone to know

so he’s LOOOUUUDD,,,, especially in your ear

he likes leaning down and moaning in your ear, just to get a reaction out of you

he makes fun of you for it later on, and you have his full permission to smack that smug little smirk off his face

but the amount of times you had to stop mid-way because y’all got knocks on your door from your neighbours 😐 they’re so sick of y’all

on average, you have sex at least 4 times a week

that’s not including quickies tho

did i mention that chuuya loves quickies <3

especially when it’s in his office and he fucks you on his desk

and because he doesn’t care who hears him-- you bet your ass the entire Port Mafia has heard you

he likes to go down on you for quickies more than actual sex, and he will respectfully never decline a blowjob

because he’s a gentleman

anyway

sorry to any of y’all who have a breeding kink,,, but chuuya definitely does not

he’s so afraid of having kids

moving on

onto sub!chuuya

did somebody say SWITCH 🤨☝️

chuuya did <3

now for a long time he doesn’t really let his submissive side out because,,, it’s a really vulnerable part of him yaknow?

but after a while, and after he’s completely trusted you to take care of him like that

oh boy

bottom bitch <3

still loud as HELL

except it’s less of moaning and more of whining

he’s such a whiner

and a brat

mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mommy kink mo

also i don’t really know how else to describe it but-- if you force him to look you in the eyes and use a stern tone

..........dead.  dead as hell.

now take this drabble as a tribute to sub!chuuya

“and why should i listen to you?  what are you gunna do?” chuuya furrowed his brows at you, as if he was challenging you.

“aw, baby,” you leaned down from your position of straddling him, caging his head between your arms.  “you still have so much to say even though your hands are handcuffed to the bed.  so bold, aren’t you?” you stroked his lower lip gently, and he whimpered lowly in response.

suddenly, you sat up, getting into a position to prepare to get up off of him completely, “but, you’re right.  what am i going to do?  i guess i’ll just leave you here for the rest of the night.  go-”

“WAIT!! NO- I-” he bit his lip to stop any more words from escaping him.

“’wait’?  is there something you wanna say, baby?” your legs trapped his once again.

“... please.”

he averted your gaze, and you reached down to grip his jaw sternly, moving his head to face you completely.

“please what?”

no answer.

“you know i can’t read your mind, baby.  you’re going to have to use your w-”

“please fuck me.” the words tumbled out of his mouth, almost too quickly to even be audible, still, your lips shifted into a gentle smile.

but you weren’t completely content with him yet.

“and what’s my name?”

“...mommy.”

“and you want mommy to fuck you, is that right?”

“...yes.  please...”

you planted a passionate kiss onto his lips, and upon breaking it, you shifted closer to his ear.

“well, i can’t say no since you asked so nicely, now can i?”

masterlist

[sporadiclilbook]

Can I request a Claude x reader x Sylvain fic with an s/o who acts coy but is actually scarily perceptive? Like they notice Sylvain's inner turmoil almost right away and they notice the echoes of Claude's trauma in being ostracized and alienated and their care manifests in extremely subtle ways. How would they react once they find out that they're pining for the same person?

I hope ya like this anon! Hoping that this is how you wanted it too. Golden Deer!reader for plot reasons.

Truth of your mask

(Yan!Sylvain x Perceptive!Reader x Yan!Claude)

You hummed as you walk through the halls of the academy to get to the dining hall. Everything was going normally, nothing much was happening other than getting a new teacher. A former mercenary no less. However you can't seem to read them at all. Not even when you try to talk to the new professor. No smile, no frown or pout. Just.....blank. Usually it was pretty easy considering how most people is full of expression, but your new teacher was like a blank canvas.

It interested you, truly. Perhaps you can continue to observe them and learn a thing or two. You sit down at one of the long dining tables to dig in into your favourite meal. You ate a bit slow considering there was no need to rush. You suddenly heard someone sitting right next to you and immediately knew who it is. "Is there something you need, Sylvain?" You asked as you blow softly on your food to cool it down. "Nothing just checking up on the most attractive person I know."

"Stop it Sylvain, there are lots of other attractive students here too you know....." As you pretended to blush and faced the opposite direction of him a bit. Now you may not be the best with close ranged combat and prefer to strike afar but you admit, you were quite good at intel gathering. Whether it's playing a shy role or feigning ignorance, you think you were quite the expert at it. "No need to be shy now babe, show me that beautiful eyes of yours." Sylvain was a tom fool to you, to think he would easily fall for this act is hilarious to you.

Slowly looking at him, you predicted that he would be wearing that same flirty grin that he always have talking with literally anyone he fancies in the academy. "I-uh....my eyes aren't exactly that extraordinary." You quickly averted back your eyes to your food. Eating it up a bit quicker now. You would have looked at him longer but everytime you do you felt something was off with him. You've seen him flirt around before. His expressions was all the same. It was a typical playboy face. It was different of course when he was alone. There were times when you catch him spending his time in solitary. That's when you notice the pain he has.

It looked like regret and weight of responsibilities. Doesn't help that he is the heir to House Gautier because of his crest. You approached him once, when it was raining, to talk to him a bit. Sure he was annoying at some times but letting him stand there looking so miserable didn't felt right. Of course this doesn't reveal your perceptiveness to him. To most it would look like he had a bad day but to you? You knew he was clinging onto something negative. Something he can't run from.

Ever since that day, he always seemed to make an effort to speak with you. Sometimes Felix or Prince Dimitri will berate him for disturbing a student from another class but there was no real harm, were there. Maybe he just want to make you one of his flings. At least that's what you thought until you see it in his eyes. It was not an usual flirty eyes. It was not lust or some kind of playboyish ones.

It looked like infatuation. Genuine infatuation.

That's when it hits you. It must have been something related to his past. Was he not loved by his family? Is this why he was seeking flings, hoping to finally find the one? Did he decided you were the one simply because you talked to him to ask if he was ok?

Perhaps you were wrong. There are times when your expertise was wrong. Rarely, yes but the chances are not zero. But for now, you will keep him at an arms' length. "Nonsense, your eyes shines brighter than the stars." You smiled sheepishly at him. Not knowing what to respond. He was about to talk more when suddenly a new yet familiar voice join. Your house leader, Claude.

"Well well if it isn't Mr.Smoothtalk, he's not bothering you right (Y/N)? What am I saying of course he is." Claude was like you, observant. But he only looks whats on the surface and not below. But who knows, he was quite eccentric. Maybe he does know you're feigning ignorance. Maybe he doesn't. But then again he would have talk to you about it. He's secretive but sometimes he will overshare his thoughts, ones that has no purposes anyway. You remember the day you enrolled here. Being a citizen of the Alliance automatically sorted you into Golden Deer. He was nice to you. Welcoming you and showing you around. In fact all of the Golden Deer was. Leonie might said something without thinking at times but she would apologise. Raphael was a gentle giant. Hilda was lazy but you reminded her of Marianne and that wanted to make her put in effort.

Claude was always all smiles and schemes. Even so, not even he was immume to you. When you spot him in the crowds of students it was clear as day. He felt isolated. Different. Foreign even. It intrigued you. Why would he felt out of place? Could it be tied to the fact he suddenly show up as the grandson to the leader of the Alliance? As curiosity plagued you, you made an effort to befriend him slowly. Pretending to have problems with class that you known he was good at and even picking up a bow sometimes seeing how his heirloom relic weapon was the bow Failnaught. He learns about you and vice versa. One of his simple mistake was when he invited you for tea.

He served you Almyran tea. He asked what you think of the tea and you just said tea was tea. Just like how people are people. The blend is different but in the end, it's just another beverage. He seemed delighted at your answer and you were delighted at his actions. He was Almyran or half-Almyran. It make sense seeing how Lady Tiana eloped a long time ago. Even after years, people talked about it. You decided to keep it a secret. You didn't really care about his heritage. What only matters to you was bringing back the cat that was killed by curiosity with satisfication.

Oh however. He too, had the same look upon his face. The same as Sylvain's. No one notices it, only you did. From their expression to their subtle acts. How Sylvain's pick up lines sounds like him courting you instead of flirting. Claude subconscious favouritism over you. And it scared you, truly. What were they planning exactly? Does Sylvain needed someone to finally let out his trouble thoughts to? Did Claude wanted to see if he can become vulnerable around you and reveal his secret himself to you? What is their true motives?

"Oh? Hello to you to Mr. House Leader. No need to worry, I'm not bothering them too much." Claude sat to the vacant spot next to you. "Yeah I can see that. But talking to someone who is enjoying a hot meal isn't that nice you know." You continued eating as you ignore their bickering. At least neither of them would talk to you and instead hurled passive-agressive responses to each other. When you finally finished your meal, you stood up. "You're done already (Y/N)? I was hoping I could talk to you a bit but see you at Golden Deer I guess." It was clear as day that Claude specifically said to meet you in class as in a mockery to Sylvain. "U-uh, yeah....see you at class Claude..." With that you returned back to class.

Claude and Sylvain sat together in a tensed silence. But they knew why they were still sitting here. The still noisy atmosphere of the dining hall proved perfect to conceal their conversation. "(Y/N) huh? Not a bad taste but I'm afraid you can't have them." Claude chuckled at Sylvain's statement. "Can't have them? They're in my house. They're Golden Deer not Blue Lions. And you think you have a chance?" Sylvain gritted his teeth at him. "And so? That won't stop me." Claude just shooked his head at him. "Oh Sylvain, maybe if you didn't use all your brains for pick up lines you'd have a great chance. It's unfortunate we liked the same person." Claude smirked at him. He knew the day Sylvain kept pestering you that he was also lovestrucked like he was. But Claude thinks you don't deserve someone like Sylvain. While Sylvain thinks Claude is trying to take advantage over your 'meek' personality. Seeing how schemeful he is.

"Bring it on then, Riegan."

"Don't hold it against me when you lose, Gautier."

[oitommothetease]

Invisible String (14/15)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female reader (Modern AU)

Word Count: 2.4k words

Warning : angst, sad reader, angry reader, dumbass Bucky, Steve being likable for once, smartass Sam, reader finally having some friends, mention of assault, confrontation, drinking, fluff, Bec is Bucky’s sister - Rebecca

Unlike you, Bucky remembered everything. He could never forget that you were hurt because of him — tied to a chair for hours while he couldn't save you — crying on the bathroom floor as he held you. The only thing common in all of those instances was him. You had to go through shit because of him, and yet, you still didn't blame him. You wrapped your arm around him as if he wasn't the cause of your pain. It was clear that his past and the baggage that he came with didn’t bother you. In fact, you understood and accepted his trauma and still loved him. You didn't love him despite his baggage. No, you loved him with every bad thing he offered.

Bucky was sure you were delusional. No sane woman would want to be with the man who was responsible for her captivity, yet you snuggled closer towards him the moment this thought occurred in his head. And Bucky loved you more because of that, and he thought he wasn't physically capable of loving you more than he already did. Bucky knew you reciprocated those feelings, it was very obvious that both of you were a goner for the other. Nevertheless, those emotions were not voiced out loud in your relationship yet. And Bucky wanted it to stay that way.

Bucky decided to sneak out of your bed and house before you could wake up. He was aware it was cowardly of him to just leave without giving you an explanation. But if he stayed to explain, you would have asked him to stay, and he didn't have it in himself to tell you no. You were the ray of sunshine in his stormy life and he could never say no to you. You could ask him to get you the sun, and he would get it for you, even after knowing that it would kill him and the humankind in the process. He would still do it.

But what he couldn’t do was refuse you, so he would have to leave you instead.

***

You woke up a bit disoriented, unaware of the surroundings you were in. It took you a minute to process that you were in your own house and not held captive. Once you came back to your senses instinctively you called for Bucky. He held you while you slept the previous night, so he had to be out in the kitchen. When no response came back, you went out to check for him, only to be met with an empty house.

When you tried to contact him, Bucky was distant. He didn’t respond to your texts and your mind was telling you that something was wrong, but you shoved those thoughts sideways, hoping that maybe he was busy with work. But you both went through something traumatic, you needed him to be with you. If he were busy, he could have at least texted you.

Well, if he was going to ignore you, then you wouldn't be one of those people whose life revolved around their partner. You had a book to write and ambitions that didn’t involve him. 

Two hours later, when there was no word from him, you stared at the blank  screen on your computer. You weren’t unfamiliar with writer's block, but it had been months and you haven't written a single line since the incident in the club involving Rumlow. And now that you were alone with your thoughts, you started doubting everything. Should you have stayed in that corporate 9 to 5 job? You'd have a stable life and a fixed salary. Maybe you could have even got a promotion. Should you have filed a complaint against Rumlow? Bucky wanted you to, he even assured you the cops would be on your side, but you just weren't ready. You realized that by choosing to remain silent, you were sending a predator out in the world. He could do that to other people and you could have stopped it.

A knock on the front door interrupted your train of thoughts and you were grateful for the person on the other side. You assumed it was Bucky, he didn’t need to buzz in because he literally owned the building. Well, it could also be any one of his friends. Sam and Steve also didn't need permission . And the other day when Peter came by to give you your phone (you left it in the club), he didn't buzz in either. 

Seeing Wanda, Peter and Pietro on the door was a good change and God, you needed a change or else you'd go mad with self-loathing. 

“We brought pizza,” Wanda exclaimed, lifting the bag in her hand to show you.

You didn't say anything, just smiled at them thankfully. You were really delighted they were here. Not only that, but you didn't have many friends here, and you considered your work friends, your only friends. It was nice to see that they saw you as a friend too and not just someone they work with.

“And beers,” Pietro chimed in, raising the carton in his hand. 

You looked at Peter before teasing, “Is he even legal, guys?”

Seeing you joke around with them made Wanda happy. Between all the testosterone, she truly needed a female friend, and she was relieved to see you treating them as friends rather than colleagues. And she understood the trauma that must haunt you since your kidnapping. She was an empath and when you didn’t show up at work, she grew worried. 

Half an hour later, most of you were on your second beer. Pietro was on his fourth. That man was fast at everything he did. A movie was playing in the background that none of you paid attention to while everyone was settled on your couch. It wasn't a very spacious couch, you were all squashed into it, but it was too comfortable to leave. You were sitting in between Peter and Wanda, while Pietro was situated beside his sister.

You forgot how nice it felt to have friends and bitch about people to them.

“And just like that he was gone. I woke up and he wasn't there,” you told them, “Hasn't been taking my calls either.”

Pietro took a sip of his drink before saying, “What an ass!”

Wanda raised her bottle, nudging all of you to join her, and said, “Fuck men!” 

“Amen!” you agreed, Peter and Pietro nodded too.

“You should focus on your book,” Pietro advised, “Bucky is gonna regret if he loses someone like you, babe.”

The book. Your book. You couldn't tell them why you weren't focused on the book. It was still a lot to process, and you were not ready, so you nodded before chanting, “Fuck Bucky!”

***

“What are you doing here?” Sam questioned as he and his husband entered the  office.

“Last I checked, I own this place.”

Sam huffed, “I meant why are you here instead of her place, smartass?”

Bucky looked around to avoid the questioning gaze of both Sam and Steve. He hadn’t talked to Steve since the argument they had over you. Of course, they did discuss business as usual, but nothing related to their personal life.

 “She doesn't need me,'' Bucky murmured and looked at Steve. “You must be pleased to know that it's over.”

Bewilderment was clear on the faces of both the men because Bucky exhaled loudly before continuing, “I almost got her killed. It would be wise and safe for her to not be with me.”

Steve finally spoke, “Did she say that?”

When his best friend shook his head ‘no’, Steve sighed in exasperation. “You are an idiot.”

“Yeah, well, that's what you wanted, didn't you?” Bucky retorted, “For me to focus on work and not on her.”

 “I was clearly wrong, pal,” Steve raised his hand in exasperation as if it was obvious, “And I’m sorry for that.” 

“Well, it's over now.”

***

“Before I met Nat. I dated a girl who pretended to be gay,” Wanda scrunched her nose, remembering the awful memory.

“Oh yeah, weird Sallie,” Pietro smiled teasingly, “Did you guys know that when Wanda brought her home, she hit on our dad?”

 “No!” Both you and Peter cried out, stupefied at his words.

“Yeah,” Wanda outlined, “And on Pietro too.”

 “I mean, Mr. Barnes is not like this,” Peter brought the conversation back to Bucky and you sucked in a heavy breath. “I’m sure he had a good reason for doing all of this.”

“Seriously?” you were pretty drunk, but not drunk enough to talk about Bucky. You looked at Wanda and Pietro for support, but they shrugged their shoulders in a manner that said, ‘He's not wrong, though.’

You wanted to go to bed and sleep. But you knew they were right. Bucky would never hurt you intentionally, you knew that. “Do you guys know where he is now?”

***

Since trying to talk some sense into Bucky wasn't working, Sam and Steve retaliated back to talk about business.

“Clint is officially out of here,” Steve reported, “Torturing him would just create more ruckus. Rumlow is behind us because he wants his weapons in the government, and Clint would just be a casualty in all this shit. He has three kids.”

Sam huffed, “We told Laura. Her wrath would be worse for Clint than our fists.”

Bucky didn't say anything and just nodded. Steve could feel something was on Bucky's mind, wrapping his arms to his chest, he raised a brow towards his best friend.

“I’m just tired of all of this,” Bucky said sadly, “Is this what we left Rumlow for, pal? You have a kid at home, Wanda has a wife, I have ma and Bec and I haven't met them in years, in fear of someone following me. And now — Well, now I’ve lost the girl too."

Steve and Sam looked at their friend with sympathy. They knew the toll their work took on all of them. Hell, they had a four-year-old daughter at home, and could barely sleep at night, always terrified of losing their kid because of their job.

Sam was about to ask Bucky to suggest an alternative that would help all of them could to make it out of there and just work on the club and not some shady business. Suddenly, the office door flung open and on purpose, everyone’s hand reached for the gun in their waistband. But in walked you with a beer bottle in your hand and a pizza slice in another.

“JAMES BUCKY BARNES!” You exclaimed, your steps wavering a little as you walked towards him. Oh, and you looked royally pissed.

Instantly, Bucky was on his feet and making his way towards you, to hold you — to be near you. And before you could say anything, he was engulfing his arms around your waist, his head settled at the crane of your neck and you frowned. Okay, You did not expect that. You thought he would ignore you, and you would give him a piece of your mind before leaving.

Sober you would have asked him to have a mature conversation like adults, but tipsy you wanted to flip him off and leave. Your arms hung around your sides awkwardly, trying to understand the situation before finally pushing him away.

“You left me,” you spoke so softly that if Bucky wasn't so close, he wouldn't have heard it. “I needed you and you left me alone.”

Bucky’s heart broke at your words. He didn't consider how his rash decision would affect you. You were kidnapped by the person who assaulted you. Fuck, he cursed himself. He was supposed to be protecting you, not hurting you. You sounded so hurt that Bucky wanted to get on his knees and ask for forgiveness. He was so focused on your physical injuries, he did not even realize he was hurting you emotionally.

Steve cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable to present. He interrupted and took his husband’s hand in his, “We’re going to go.”

Before they could leave, you shifted your attention towards Steve and pointed a finger at him. “Why do you hate me?”

Steve stammered, he didn't expect you to put him in a spot like this, but you had a tad more than necessary liquid courage in your system.

“Doll,” Bucky breathed, and you moved your gaze back towards him. Steve took the opportunity and left the room with Sam.

You were on the verge of tears by now — both of you were — Bucky wasn't a man who could voice his feelings, but with you, all of his armor came shattering down. With you — he would tell you his vulnerabilities and fears just so he could let you in. You meant so much to him that the fear of losing you blinded his sense of understanding. He realized that he acted immaturely and by doing so, he almost lost you.

“You hurt me,” Your voice wavered, the traitorous tears made their way down your eyes, and Bucky couldn't see you like that. Instinctively, he stretched his hands to wrap around you, but stopped, “Can I hold you?”

You sniffled and nodded, and Bucky engulfed you flush against his chest. After a while, you snaked your hands around his shoulder too, and a sob broke down from your throat.

He didn't remember how long he held you like this, but after a while, he picked you up and made his way to the couch. He stood before you and then slid one hand up to your cheek. Likewise, he brushed his thumb across your cheek. And then you slowly straddled his waist as you both settled down on the soft sofa. Bucky’s hands fell naturally to your hips to pull you closer.

“I love you, Bucky,” you whispered, once your tears suspended. You enveloped your arms around him and pressed your forehead against his.

Bucky didn’t know whether you meant it or not. You were pretty drunk. He hoped you did.

“I love you, doll,” he confessed as he kissed the crown of your head. He noticed that you were on the brink of sleep, your breathing even, and you looked so peaceful in his arms.

 He felt at ease — calm even with you in his arms and in that moment he decided he was never letting you go no matter what.

TAGS :  @bananapipedreams​ @akkinda10​ @rivers-rambles21​ @emmabarnes​ @valsworldofcreativity​ @boofy1998​ @marvel-3407​ @mybuck​ @priii​ @coffeebooksandfandom​ @ladydmalfoy​ @shaking-a-jar-of-bees @elizamalfoyy​ @maladaptivexxdaydreaming​ @sabrinathesimp

Taglist for future stuff.

[catxsnow]

FLIRTING GETS YOU NOWHERE J.T.

Request: Hey, can you please write a Jason Todd, Titans, where the reader is a badass fighter, a vigilante by the name of Spitfire that joins the Titans because Dick is like her older brother and she immediately builds this flirting relationship with Jason? He likes her a LOT and so does she and he feels like he doesn't deserve her and then after he and Dick have a fight the reader goes to console Jason and he tells her he loves her? With a little bit of smut?

Warning: implied smut, swearing, flashbacks of injury and near death, lil angst, lil fluff

A/N: My favourite thing about writing for Titans Jason is he’s still pre-trauma 😩😭 

Word count: 4.1k

Dick had no intentions of bringing you into his life. He met you back when he was a Titan, before Jericho - before everything. Just a kid with no home and no future. Dick gave you a future, he gave you something worth living for. A purpose. The team adored you, Dawn pulled you in just as close as Dick had. 

They trained you, brought you up to speed on the skills they had been working on for years. Sure, they were mad for brining a kid into this life - but what other choice did he have? Dick couldn't just leave you to fend for yourself, not when there was something that he could do about it.

You picked up on it all rather quickly. Joining them in fights, getting your own suit and name. It wasn't a life that you thought you would ever be a part of... but damn did you love it. It was a thrill, all of it. Being a completely new person when wearing the mask and getting lost in it all.

And then Jericho happened. All of you using him to get closer to Slade. Failing more than you ever thought possible. Losing Garth, losing Jericho, nearly losing you. It broke everyone apart - literally. Donna went her own way, Hank and Dawn together. Dick so desperately tried to leave you to live a better life.

You couldn't leave him, not after everything he's done for you. Dick tried to leave you - he really did. You knew him better than that, following him wasn't hard and once you were knocking on his door in Detroit he couldn't say no. Everyone blamed him for Jericho - for you - but you couldn't. Dick felt guilt every time he looked at you.

Five years passed with him. Five long years of working yourself back up to the same person that you once were. Five years of surgeries, therapy, anything so you could go back to being a hero. Dick was with you through it all, supporting you every step of the way and apologizing even more.

And when Rachel found Dick, everything changed. Your whole five years of starting a new life away from the Titans and your past was snatched away before your eyes. Travelling the country with Dick and Rachel, finding Kori and Gar. Seeing your old friends for the first time since that night in the hospital.

New people, new name, new suit. Same old place that reminded you of the night Slade nearly killed you.

"You're gonna have to do better than that, Jay."

Jason Todd. Second Robin. Dick didn't like him, not a first. Maybe because he was still mad at Bruce - maybe because Jason took an instant liking towards you. How could he not? Jason flirted his way into your life and Dick hated that you flirted right back. Over your time together, you had truly become his little sister.

He didn't trust Jason - not with you.

You were too good for someone like Jason. A heart of gold and a smile to match. Dick failed to see the similarities in you, not because he couldn't see them but because he refused to accept it. You and Jason both took this whole vigilante life as a game. Something to do because you could do whatever you wanted under that mask.

With Slade, you learned quickly that this wasn't a game. People got hurt, they died. Being a hero was real and it was dangerous. After meeting Jason, how lively he was, you hoped he never had to meet the same fate as you - or worse. Years of knee braces and crutches. It was horrible - all because you took it as a game.

"I can show you better elsewhere, babe," Jason threw another punch towards you, a coy smile on his face as you both bounced around on the mats. He started his training with Bruce a couple years after you started with Dick. However, he had all the years in between to keep his training up - you had just stated again less than a year ago. He was well in advantage.

You tried to throw a cross at him but Jason seemed to already be expecting your move. He grabbed your wrist and in a split second pulled you so your back was flat against his chest. His breathing was heavy from your spar. Jason's breath caught in his throat as your fingers grazed over his thigh.

"Promise?" You teased. Before he could answer, you elbow jutted into his abs. He released his hold on you and was distracted long enough that you could easily bring him down. Before Jason could even realize what had happened, he was on the ground in a leg lock. "I thought you were better than this? The great Robin taken down so quickly."

"You got lucky this time, Spitfire."

You released Jason from your hold, popping up and giving him a hand. "I think I kicked you ass enough for one day." Sweat drenched your body and your muscles were already aching. It had been far longer than you thought that you were in the ring with Jason - time seemed to fly with him.

"Wanna join me in the shower?" Jason raised an eyebrow. He asked that nearly every time you trained with him. Most of the time he was only joking, the others you were sure that he was hoping you would actually say yes. He loved to flirt with you, he liked to flirt with everyone, but you? You were his favourite.

It came so easy to him when he was with you. Words of adoration and praise always filled his mind when thinking of you. Since the moment he met you it was easy.

"Is this a bad time?" Gar's green hair peaked through the entrance of the training room. He looked between you and Jason, only inches apart from on another. Your flirtatious relationship with Jason didn't go unknown to everyone else on the team. Dick hated it, Kori thought it was adorable, your old team members couldn't bother looking you in the eye long enough to have an opinion.

"We were just leaving," you looked back to Jason. The grin on his face widened as he thought that you agreed to his offer. It fell as you spoke again, "to our separate rooms, to shower separately."

"You'll say yes one day, babe."

><

Dick loved to tell you how much he didn't like you hanging out with Jason. He didn't like your late nights of sharing music in his room. Your hours of sparring that were a little too personal for the ring. He didn't like walking in to the living room of the tower to see you and Jason half-cuddled up on the couch watching a movie.

He tried to get Kori to agree with him, though she stayed out of it. Dick was several years older than you, but he still saw you as nothing but that little kid he picked up all those years ago. Jason was everything that he didn't want to see in you. He didn't want him to taint your life, not that he could stop it.

It lead to it's fights. Dick trying to control you life just like he always had. You being stubborn, yelling at him. There were a lot of times that you wondered if it would have been easier if you never met him, he was too much of a pain in the ass to bare sometimes. Yet you owed him everything.

Jason found you in the med bay. He'd been looking around for you all evening and couldn't find you anywhere. This was the last place he expected to see you. He stood at the door, watching you pull off the knee brace he saw you wear sometimes. It was obvious that you tried to hide it from everyone.

"What do you need, Jason?" You asked, back towards him but not needing to turn to see that it was him. Jason pushed himself off the frame of the door and leaned on the table across from you. His arms were crossed over his chest but he didn't hold his usual cocky smile. He looked concerned. "You can ask."

"Does it still hurt?" It wasn't the question that you were expecting. Dick never told anyone the full story about what happened between you and Slade. He felt it to be your story to tell, not his. Jason knew the bits and pieces, but he didn't know everything. If you wanted to tell him, you would.

"Only when I breathe," you tried to joke. Jason didn't laugh, instead he sat down on the bed next to you. "It's not a big deal, I've been living with it for nearly six years." It only occurred to him in that moment how young you were when this happened - you were just a kid who nearly couldn't get back up ever again.

He watched your eyes seal shut, trying to hide any noise of pain when standing up. Without a word, Jason swooped you up and carried you back to your room so you didn't have to put pressure back on your knee. "You didn't have to do that."

"Yeah, but I wanted to," Jason half smiled. He sprawled out on the end of your bed, staring up at your ceiling. Your legs rested across his, but you mimicked his position. "Do you think he's really dead?"

"If he's not, he will be if I ever see him again," you spoke. Jason leaned up on his elbows to look at you. He was shocked to hear you speak of such harsh words. However, he couldn't blame you for that. Slade took away years of your life - if you ever saw him again revenge almost felt necessary. "I'm not that same kid anymore."

"I know," Jason stated. "You need me, I'm there."

"I'll hold you too that," You finally peaked up at him. A smile rode his face and you couldn't help but join. Things were easier with Jason. He was always so easy to talk to. After everything that the both of you had been through, you got a new level understanding - one that you didn't get with Dick.

"I'll hold you against anything if you ask nicely," Jason winked. He laughed at your poor attempt to kick him off your bed. The movement struck pain through you and he quickly noticed your wince. His laughter diminished instantly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, just... just not a good day apparently," you grimaced. Jason carefully propped your knee up on his laps. Ugly scars laid thick on your skin, your knee was visibly swollen. Training the day before you had gone harder than you should have. Jason's fingers were cold as he traced over the lines.

The pads of his thumbs pressed into your sore muscles, massaging them as if he had known pain like yours his whole life. Your head tilted back, eyes closed shut at the release of pain. His hands were like ice against your skin but god did it feel so good. The aching pain that never went away simmered with his motions.

"Feel good?" Jason asked. You nodded, enjoying the feeling of relaxation that hadn't seemed to come to you for a long time. "Can make you feel even better later if you want."

"You never stop, do you?" You chuckled.

"Not when it comes to you babe," Jason winked again as you peaked your eyes open. This time, you couldn't stop your smile. He was cute, you had to give him that. Just as he was about to speak again, a clearing of a throat caught your attention. Dick was standing at your door, arms crossed, lips pursed.

He saw the brace out again, he wanted to ask how you were feeling - but seeing you wish Jason only frustrated him. Luckily, he hadn't heard the comment that Jason had just made to you. He cleared his throat, catching both of your guys attention. "Came to check how you were feeling," He forced out. "Jason, a word?"

"He's fine, Dick," you looked up at him. You knew the look - the 'protective brother mode' look. It was the most annoying face he seemed to make - and he had a lot of those. Jason retracted his hands from your knee, though you missed his touch instantly. "I'm fine. Same as I am every day. Jason was just giving me a hand."

Dick’s eyes narrowed and he was evidently frustrated. Jason quickly picked up on the tension in the room and cleared his throat. He stood up from the bed, careful not to touch your knee at all. "I told Gar and Rachel I would teach them stuff anyways, it's fine," he assured you. 

Dick stared Jason down as he left your room. His glanced flashed over to you before looking down at your knee. Guilt filled him, just as it always did. 

"Rest up."

><

Whatever Dick talked to Jason about it must have stuck with him. Jason stopped being his usual flirty self. He lost his smile when he was around you, he changed. It had been weeks since you had your 'flirt battle' as Gar liked to call them and you missed it. Whatever was going on inside his head, it wasn't good.

Whenever you tried to bring it up with him, he promised he was okay. 'I'm tired' 'I'm just sore from yesterday' any excuse that tried to make up for his behavior. You knew him well enough to know it was a lie and that Dick had to have said something to him to make him this way. When you asked Dick, he promised that he said nothing to Jason to make him this way.

As much as he annoyed you, Dick didn't lie - not to you. Whatever Jason was thinking, it was completely on him. Which made you even more worried - when he got lost in his thoughts he was gone.

So, as days, weeks passed, you kept on by yourself. Jason kept his distance from you and by extension, the whole team. You were his biggest link to staying connected with everyone and now that was severed. Everyone noticed the shift in dynamic between the both of you and were left just as confused.

It wasn't just Jason's distance that everyone was noticing - it was his aggression. Jason going out on patrol just like he used to. You were at his side, though silence over took the both of you. He would ask if your knee was up to the task that night before leaving and after that he said nothing.

He was aggressive out there. Throwing punches that were harder and longer than needed. Relentless against some asshole that probably deserved it - but wasn't necessary. You were worried about him. So worried that you finally had to cave and go tell Dick the truth of what was going on when you were there with him.

As badly as you didn't want to make Jason even more upset at you, this path he was going down wasn't a good one. If there was something that you could do to help, then it was worth the risk. Unfortunately for you, Jason reacted exactly like you expected him to when Dick confronted him.

He was rash, harsh - yelling at Dick that he was fine and that you and him both should mind your own business. Neither of you wanted to get Bruce involved but if it needed to happen, you would go to that extent. Jason rushed off back to his room, slamming his door shut as he did so.

You peaked your head out from your own room. Dick was standing in the middle of the hall, defeat on his face from how poorly the conversation went. He looked at you, hoping that you'd have a solution to this growing problem. Neither of you wanted to see Jason like this - especially when you didn't know where it came from.

With a sigh, you stood in front of Jason's door and knocked. There was no answer, even so when you tried a second time. You looked over at Dick a final time before twisting the handle to let yourself in. To your surprise, the door wasn't locked. With final 'good luck' nod from Dick, you slipped into the room.

Jason was standing at his window, staring out of it and completely unaware of your presence. His shoulders were tense; he held himself as if the whole world was trying to tear him down piece by piece. As if everyone and everything were against him every second of the day without an escape.

You saw the same in Dick. They were more similar than either of them would ever like to admit. Both trying to fight against the world one handed while holding everyone up with the other. They didn't want help - not because they didn't think they needed it - but because sharing a burden like that was too painful.

"Jason."

He tensed at the sound of your voice. Refusing to look at you as if you were the last person he wanted to see. As if your time together these past several months meant absolutely nothing to him. God you hoped it wasn't true. Jason was everything to you, and these past few weeks without him made it so easy to realize that.

"Jay, please. You've been shutting me out for weeks," You stepped closer to him. "I just want to help, I want to know what's going on." Your fingers ghosted over his, debating whether or not to enclose his hand in yours. He answered it for you, retracting away from your touch like you were poison.

"You deserve someone better than me," Jason finally whispered out. You could barely hear him, the pain in his voice was so evident it hurt you. "I don't deserve to be around someone like you."

"Jason where did this come from?" You asked. Was this why he was so distant to you? Jason tricked himself into believe that he didn't deserve you at all. Dick hadn't meant to spark the thought within him, but it had happened. An offside comment about how good of a person you were and Jason realized just how right he was.

Jason was nothing but a darkness that tainted your light. He wanted to believe that, make it easier to push himself away from you so you could be better off in the grand scheme of things. It was far from the truth. Jason showed you a real happiness that you hadn't experienced since your time with the original Titans.

He showed you what it meant to live again without being held back by fear or pain. Jason showed you what it was like to feel loved for who you were, not who you used to be. He was there through the pain of your old wounds and ready to catch before you got new ones. You were the one who didn't deserve someone like him.

"Dick-"

"Doesn't know what he's talking about," you cut him off before he could try to reiterate what Dick had said to him. You didn't want to hear it because none of it was true. Dick always thought he knew what was best for you and he didn't. "I care about you, Jason. I've never cared for someone so much in such a short amount of time and it scares the hell out of me. But if there's one thing I'm certain about - it's that you're going to be by my side through it all."

Jason didn't say anything. You were scared that your words spooked him and that maybe he didn't care about you in the same way. Maybe all of his flirts were truly just harmless. You sighed, worried that all this was for null. Jason didn't want to be saved, he never did.

"I love you," he quietly muttered out as if he was scared to say it, scared to see what you had to say about it. Jason was scared that you were going to leave him just as everyone else in his life did. He was scared that he was going to disappoint you - or even worse - ruin you. He cleared his throat and spoke louder, "I'm in love with you."

"Then why walk away from me?" You grabbed his hands, forcing him to look at you fully since you had walked into his room. "Why assume that I never felt the same way? Or let Dick choose your path for you?"

"I thought you'd be better off."

"I'm better off with you."

Your hands trailed up his arms, his chest, until reaching his cheeks. He held a strong façade, but you knew what hid behind it. Fear, trauma, desperation for acceptance. Jason was a wall when he wanted to be, but with you, he felt like it could all crumble down and he would be better off in the end.

In less than a moment, Jason had grasped the back of your neck, pulling you so close towards him that no air could fir between. His lips rashly pushed against yours, desperate for you touch. The months worth of buildup to this moment were worth every second of waiting. This was what he needed.

The pounding in his chest was so profound you swore you could feel it against your own. You couldn't focus on the small breaths of air that you desperately needed between movements, only how addictive he was. The shaking in your knees at how divine he felt completely pressed against you was nothing compared to the unsteadiness of his hands.

Scared that this was a dream, scared that you would think this only to be a mistake because of a build up of guilt that she had. Jason couldn't let this be a one time thing, he couldn't.

"Is this what you want?" He asked, lips grazing over yours. His hand at the back of your neck fell to your waist.

"I want you Jason. I want to be with you," you assured. It was enough, those few words were enough for him to give himself up to you completely. His fingers squeezed into your waist, tugging you up so you'd jump into him. Legs wrapped around his waist as he walked you both to his bed.

He encased you on his bed, arms on either side of you. Jason's kisses became deeper as he grew more confident. A shudder went down his spine as your fingers trailed down his chest until reaching the him of his t-shirt. He pulled away for only a second to pull off the material before going straight back to your lips.

Your hips lifted off his bed, desperate to meet his. Jason groaned at the slightest brush of your jeans. His head fell into the crook of your neck as he pressed down to meet you. The tightness of his jeans was so evident. His lips planted along your neck, wet kisses left in his wake until reaching a small spot that made you breath hitch.

You could feel his grin against your skin before he paid more attention there. His hips ground into yours as he nipped and sucked. You reached for his buckle, needing more of this delicious sensation that he was providing you. Jason cried out as you grasped him through his underwear.

He helped you pull away his jeans as well as your own top. Clothes scattered across his floor, no longer caring about anything else besides you. "You're so damn beautiful," Jason trailed up with kisses as he undid your jeans.

"I thought you learned by now that flirting gets you nowhere," you teased. Your finger tipped his chin up, encouraging him to pull himself up to kiss you. His body fit so perfectly against yours, as if your curves were pieces of the same puzzle and he was the link you had always been missing. "Pretty boy."

"Flirting gets you nowhere," he mocked you.

"Got me here, didn't it?"

[krispytidalwavesheep]

a Natasha x fem!reader where Nat has been distant and reader thinks shes cheating, but in actuality she lost the engagement ring she got for reader (maybe because of another team member 👀) and is trying not to let her find out

My lovely anon, thanks for the prompt! I added a lot of backstory, I hope you still like it!

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You and Natasha have been together for the better part of three years and you always thought you two were happy. When you joined the team 4 years back, and you got along like a house on fire, since your pasts were quite similar. Natasha was a victim of the red room and you were a victim of Hydra. They ripped you away from your family when you were still a child and trained you to become one of the best assassins they ever had. They took everything from you, broke you into pieces, and put you together just the way they needed you. But you were very stubborn, waiting for a chance to escape their clutches.

And 6 years ago, your chance came. Some Shield Agents were infiltrating one of your bases and as luck would have it, you were right in the middle of it, taking Hydra Agents out left and right. That's where you met Clint, after the worst of the fighting was over he held you at gunpoint, demanding answers. You couldn't help yourself, all your pent up emotions broke free and you broke down crying, telling him everything. Maybe it was the relief that came with the realization that it was finally over and that you were finally free. Or so you thought.

Even though Clint pitied you and stood up for you, they still took you in for questioning. But you weren't bothered all that much by that, since you understood where they were coming from. You have been with Hydra for almost twenty years, of course, they wouldn't trust you, just because you broke down in front of one of their best agents. Still, you were afraid. What would they do to you? Would they torture you for information and kill you, cast you away once you outlived your usefulness?

They put you in chains and you went willingly. Agent Hill got the job of questioning you and you gave them everything you've got. Locations, double agents, everything you thought would keep you alive for just a little while longer. Your cell wasn't all that bad, and sometimes Clint would come over to check up on you, asking about what they did to you. That was the hard part. You knew they sent him to test if you would be trustworthy, or if you would betray them, just like you betrayed Hydra.

It wasn't easy to tell them everything. You were scared that Hydra would get back to you and it would all be over. They would torture you, kill you in the worst possible way. Hydra didn't like loose ends.

“I know someone who is quite like you... Less open though. We couldn't get any information out of her for months. But then again, her circumstances were a bit different than yours” Clint told you one day, and you got curious.

“Her name is Natasha, but don't tell anyone that I told you that. Especially her, if you're ever gonna meet her” he said and scratched his neck.

“So I am still not trustworthy?” You asked bitterly, getting tired of all the questioning. It has been months and you already gave them all you got, including your sad backstory.

“Don't give up just yet y/n... I think you won't be a prisoner for that much longer” Clint smirked and winked. And he was right. Two weeks later you were set free, under one condition: You had to join shield as a special agent. Of course, you agreed, since it would keep you safe from Hydra too. But they wanted to test you and test you they did. That was when you first met Natasha and the second you saw her, you knew you were done for. You seduced many men and women when you were with Hydra, and a lot of those people were stunning. But you never met someone so beautiful.

“So you are the Hydra-Girl?” she asked matter of factly when she entered your cell. You didn't know what to say to that, still mesmerized by her. Later you would say that it was love at first sight, just to mess with her.

“Uhm... yeah? Unless you took other stray Hydra-Girls in, that is” you stuttered. She smiled at that and said, “They want me to test your combat abilities.”

You already thought that that was the reason why they sent her and you followed her eagerly, happy to be out of your cell for once. She took you to the basement of the building, where they had the biggest training room you have ever seen. Clint was there too.

“Look what the cat dragged in!” he smiled and to your utter surprise, fist-bumped you. You hadn't much time to talk though, since Natasha motioned for you to get into position.

“Don't hold back. I won't either” she said and crouched. You smiled and got into position too. It was a surprisingly long fight since you hadn't had much time to work out in your cell and with all that questioning. But what after felt like hours you had Natasha pinned down to the ground.

“Wow... I don't think anyone ever managed that!” Clint whooped from the sidelines and you grinned, helping Natasha up.

“Nice work Rookie. My name is Natasha Romanoff and Clint and I will keep an eye on you from now on. I'll bring you back to your room, where you can get settled. After that, we will show you around the facility.”

And that's where your life finally truly began. Most people were still cautious with you, but Natasha, Clint and you developed a fast friendship. You soon became the resident Hacker for Shield, since they didn't want to risk losing you to Hydra on field missions. You were the gal in the chair and you were content. And soon enough, Fury trusted you enough to make you a part of the Avengers. Right about the same time you confessed to Natasha that you fell in love with her and to your utter surprise, she felt the same way. You two were happy, sure, not everything was sunshine and rainbows, mostly because the two of you suffered such huge traumas. But at the end of the day, everything was worth it and you finally felt like you belong.

That is why you were upset right now. Natasha was acting weird, distancing herself from you. Most nights she even slept in her room, which only happened if you had a huge fight and never for more than one night. You were barely talking anymore, not for a lack of trying on your part though. She just slipped away more and more and you wondered where you went wrong. You tried talking to her on more than one occasion, but she would always have another excuse as to why she couldn't talk right now.

The worst was yet to come, though. You finally managed to corner her and you were pretty sure she couldn't slip away that easily now, but of course, she didn't. She just mumbled some excuse of going on an overnight mission with Clint, but that she would talk to you when she got back. Funny enough, when you wandered to the compound kitchen later that night, Clint sat beside Peter, happily talking about some archery tricks.

“Oh, I thought you were on an overnight mission with Natasha?” you frowned as you entered the kitchen and Clint looked... guilty? What was going on? And then it hit you. Natasha was cheating on you, she must have found someone else and that was the reason she was behaving so weirdly.

“List y/n I can explain-” Clint tried but you just growled at him and went back to your room. You couldn't believe it. You thought you and Natasha were happy, that you loved each other and were faithful. But somewhere along the way, she must have tired of you and someone else took your place. Anger overwhelmed you at that thought. How could she do that to you? And why didn't she tell you that she wasn't loving you anymore?

There was a small knock at your door, but you just shouted for them to go away. It was probably Clint with some shit-ass excuse and you didn't want to hear it. It was the ultimate betrayal. He knew that something was going on, but just like Nat, he choose to not tell you. Some friend he was... Tears were streaming down your face again and you collapsed onto your and Nat's shared bed. What did you do that everything went downhill? Were you just not enough anymore?

Self Doubt and guilt wracked you until the early morning sun shone into your room. You felt disgusting but you didn't care for one bit. There was another knock on your door different this time.

“Whoever it is, go away or I will break your fucking legs!” you shouted, but the door opened anyway. Natasha stood in the doorway, looking like a guilty puppy and soaking wet.

“Oh no, get your ass outta here. No wait, explain yourself first! Why would you do that to me? Why not just tell me that you don't love me anymore!” you sobbed and tried to get up, but your legs got tangled in the bedsheets.

“Y/n let me explain, please!” Natasha begged desperately and walked into the room.

“Explain what? That you are fucking cheating on me? I got that all by myself since Clint wasn't a part of your suspicious overnight mission!” you growled and gave up on getting on your feet.

“It's not like that! Please, just give me five minutes to explain myself, okay?”

You hated yourself for nodding, but you wanted answers more than anything.

“I'm not cheating on you babe, I love you too much to hurt you like this. This is all Clint's fault.” You scoffed at that. “Shit, I know this sounds horrible. Okay, listen, I was acting so weird because I was nervous. No, not nervous, terrified. Baby, I love you more than anything in this universe, never doubt that. I... I wanted to ask you something. But I didn't know how, because I've never done anything like that before. I had this big plan, that's why I was so distant because I was preparing. But then Clint had to go and lose the fucking ring I got for you-”

“Hang on. What ring? What the hell are you talking about?” you asked, slight panic and confusion evident in your voice. It couldn't be, could it?

“Okay, then we are doing it this way... I want to ask you to marry me, y/n. But when I showed Clint the ring he just had to stumble and drown it in the river. That's why I told you I had an overnight mission, I wanted to go and find the ring.”

“Are you stupid?” you choked and Nat looked at you, jaw-dropping. “Excuse me?” she asked but you started giggling. Nat was such a fucking idiot.

“Are you telling me, that you went out of your way, to search for the lost ring, in the middle of the night, where it is dark as fucking hell out there?” you started cry laughing now. You were so relieved.

“Oh just great, you are laughing your ass off, while I stand here, soaking wet, mind you, opening my heart up to you,” Nat pouted but you finally managed to break free from the bedsheets. You collapsed into her arms, sniffling and hugging her tight, rubbing her arms.

“You are the biggest idiot on this planet love. But you are my idiot. I love you more than anything too, and since you lost your ring, maybe we could use the one that I bought for you,” you whispered and kissed Nat's nose...

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I am still taking prompts, so hit me up if you have something for me!