#otherwise why does it appeal to me SO MUCH

[tyrantisterror]

Wherefore Art Thou Clownfucker?

A while back I made a post explaining why vampires appeal to me, and while it was mostly in a more general sense, there was a specific focus on why I find them, you know, hot. And it was that was in part because I had recently discovered that I'm apparently surrounded by Werewolf fuckers on here, much to my dismay as a Vampire fucker. It's like being the only goth kid at a rockabilly concert or something. I felt defensive, is the point! I needed to go to bat (heh) for my pale ladies (and Astarion.... and Spike)!

And now, because Muncher compels me to do so, I'm doing the same for Clowns. My other pale ladies.

Now, keep in mind the fact that I'm a monsterfucker first and foremost, and that my clownfuckery is really more derived from my monsterfuckery. I imagine the middle section of the Clownfucker/Monsterfucker diagram is pretty big, but I also know there are some clownfuckers who are very much NOT monsterfuckers, and vice versa. This is not the case for vampirefuckers, who are nestled firmly within the monsterfucker circle, because while all vampires are monsters, not all clowns are monsters. I bring this up because while I'm gonna try to explain clownfuckery on its own terms, there is likely going to be some monsterfucker bias in my explanations and defense. That's just how it is on this bitch of an earth!

I'm gonna get real pretentious here and talk about the historic role of clowns for a moment. From Comedia del Arte harlequins to medieval court Jesters, the clown's role has always been that of Comic Relief. They are, simply put, here to be tonally dissonant - when everyone else is serious and dramatic, a clown comes in as this weird, silly, incongruously hilarious element that contrasts the gravity of everything around them. "Relief" is really the key word here - a clown's job is to provide levity when otherwise there would be none. When everything is dark, they provide a little light.

That's the core emotional appeal of clownfucking - a clown is/should be someone who can make you smile when you need it the most. Kingdom's at war, family's fighting, your life's in shambles? The clown will make you laugh. Everything feels dark and gloomy and depressing? Here comes a silly little goofball wearing bright, clashing colors and jingling with each step because they're covered in bells, and all they want to do is tell jokes until you start laughing. Clowns are, by intent, that sweet sweet hit of dopamine personified.

Clowns are here to make you smile.

Another important historical detail about clowns is their unique place in the hierarchy of society - namely, being entirely outside of it. A jester was in some respects the lowest person on the totem pole, a fool that had power over no one and nothing, living to be laughed at. Yet, because they had no power over anyone, it was generally poor taste to take offense to anything a jester said, which meant they could talk more freely than anyone else - when everyone else acts like a butt-kissing sycophant, a jester is free to talk shit and speak their mind.

The traditional attire and appearance of clowns plays into both of these traits: the bright, gaudy clothing and makeup is silly, yes, but it's also a sign that the clown does not give a single shit about fashion and other social norms. A clown is, by nature, an anomaly, a misfit, a rebel.

Nowadays we have another word for people with that attitude. Clowns are punk.

Weird makeup, crayola red hair, patchwork clothes...

I would say the very fact that "normal" people look at clownfucking as some sort of inexplicable fetish is, in fact, part of the appeal. It's a form of xenophilia, of attraction to things that are different and othered, a love for outsiders and misfits and oddballs. To fuck a clown is to show love and adoration for something outside of the realm of what is socially acceptable - something silly, goofy, and weird, yet also often harmless. After all, a clown's main purpose is to make you smile.

That's not to say that clowns have to be harmless to be attractive, mind you. Tons of people, many much smarter than I, have talked about the cultural shift of our perception of clowns that began somewhere in the 1980's. Clowns went from being viewed as genuinely fun and cute to primarily being figures of fear and terror - if a clown shows up in modern media, even if it's innocuous, there will always be at least one character who vocally talks about how creepy they think clowns are.

That may in part be due to the fact that clowns have such a benign mission statement - a lot of people, especially nowadays, do not trust a person who claims they just want to make others happy. Anyone who acts like that MUST be up to something - there must be something nefarious going on, some evil plan, some lurking danger.

Which is where you REALLY bring the monsterfuckers in.

You really don't need to do that much with a clown's design to push it firmly into monster territory - "a pale person with sharp teeth" is the bare minimum it takes to make a vampire, after all (and even the pale part can be downplayed).

And a clown's dedication to making things "funny" can make for a very enjoyably-scary persona for a monster - hell, half the appeal of the Addams Family is that they're a bunch of freakish inhuman monsters who react to a bunch of scary shit with absolute delight and adoration. Again, the tonal dissonance element is at play here, albeit in a different way - even when Clowns are the darkness in your world, they still bring light in the sense that they view it that darkness as funny in of itself.

(hell, the word "harlequin" means "five horns," and may be rooted in folkloric monsters like Herne the Hunter depending on who you ask, so in a way clowns have always been monster-coded)

I think all of this is pretty well exemplified in the current Patron Saint of Clownfuckers, the goddess of Clownfuckery if you will, Harley Quinn. Hailing from a story whose main setting is such a Gothic Horror-inspired nightmarish shithole of a city that it's literally called Gotham, surrounded by characters who are at least 60% gothic horror archetypes by volume, opposed by a hero who literally dresses like a Dracula, it is inarguable that Harley Quinn is surrounded by darkness that's both literal and figurative.

But she's always smiling, and not in an ironic way.

Harley Quinn suffers intense abuse, she's drawn into wicked schemes, and in the way of most modern clowns, she causes no small amount of mayhem and suffering herself. But even at her darkest, she's always smiling, always trying to find the bright side.

She's a rebel, she's a punk. Almost everyone thinks she's beneath them. Almost all of those people get proven they're wrong. In a world full of tyrannical hierarchies, she steps outside of them.

She's an outsider, a misfit, an oddball. And she wants to make you smile.

I think you can probably see the appeal of that.

[scottstiles]

sometimes i hear or think about certain jobs or activities of ancient times and i’m like. yeah. thats what i was supposed to be doing not THIS

[snekdood]

oh you want to force the label "butch" on to me? well looks like its time to go back to strictly fucking cis men

[aphrodeiities]

ᴠᴇɴᴜꜱ ꜱɪɢɴꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛʏ

i have one last spot for a chart reading you could [venus persona chart and feminine archetype reading is also available]

follow for more content!

ARIES VENUS

MADISON BEER, RIHANNA AND EVA LONGORIA

♇ literally diamond heads, arched eyebrows and full lips. aries venus women are likely to have cupid bows and very pink lips with amazing smiles. i noted many of them have almond eye shapes , square/sharp jaws and a long face that is finely proportioned with amazing cheek bones.

♇ they are also known for their sense of style, specifically rihanna and eva, eva when it comes to her outfits as gabi from desperate housewives is always talked about. they usually have a slim build that is toned as well.

♇ they usually have nice noses, buttoned noses and most of them have a nice nose bridged, ones that are usually sought out for in the cosmetic industry. they wear clothes, clothes dont wear them! aim for bold colours like red and black, but dont be afraid to be more colourful.

♇ they remind me of the animal lynx, because their facial features are very lifted. they usually are the beauty standard and are likely to start fashion/make-up trends. very sexually appealing and have a flirtatious but fierce look to them, its like they're challenging people to come forward to them.

extra - marilyn monroe

TAURUS VENUS

ARIANA GRANDE, SUNDAY KALOGERAS AND JESSICA ALBA

♱ very doe eyes beauty, square jaws like the sign before them, but they're likely women who have a shorter face compared to aries venuses. they have a more rounder face and they're likely to have straighter eyebrows and an upper lip which is bigger than the lower lip.

♱ look excellent in light clothing and brown. do well with curly hair, and have an innocent/adolescent look to them. they normally look frail and have slender necks that sometimes make them look tall when they're taking up close pictures.

♱ they're the epitome of having a deer face, they also have features that are upturned, but i've noted a lot of taurus venuses usually do get cosmetic surgery. they're considered as adorable to many people, so sometimes they have a hard time feeling sexy because other people see otherwise.

♱ they also tend to have high/cute voices. another indicator to why people might not take them seriously when they try to come off as sexually appealing or annoyed in general.

extra - princess diana

GEMINI VENUS

GISELE BUNDCHEN, STUNNA GIRL AND MARGOT ROBBIE

♇ have a very high face, wide smiles, and long face structure, very sharp and darty eyes and always looks like they're up to something or are about to say a joke. they look like foxes [not in a bad way].

♇ they look good in clothing styles that are considered "corporate", like school clothing, "office" siren clothing. either way, as gemini is a mutable sign and the most adaptable. they can dress themselves in a very versatile way and still look good. but most of the time clothing that are too tight for them can be unflattering.

♇ they usually have a square face, high cheek bones and a long nose. if they do too much cosmetic surgery they look very unflattering. [specifically for them], they look nice with very contrasting hair colours, like they can look good in very dark hair or look good in very light hair.

♇ gemini venus women usually have nice shoulders and nice hands, and look good in outfits that is considered "opposite" to them, as gemini represents the twins in astrology. and when it comes to hairstyles, middle partings look nice on them.

extra - megan fox

CANCER VENUS

ZENDAYA, ANGELINA JOLIE AND HALLE BERRY

♱ very pretty women, amazing side profiles, look good in both straight and arched eyebrows. they tend to have medium length faces but the width of their faces tend to be wide. sparkling eyes, especially due to their venus being moon ruled, sometimes it always looks like they're about to cry.

♱ soft smiles and pearly teeth. look excellent when paired with jewellery, and have pretty necks. usually they give the vibe of being average height. usually do have thick eyelashes, even if its not long, they're usually thick or you can say full. their noses usually point down or have a flick to them.

♱ they tend to look really nice with their hair down, especially because they look like mermaids. they have that "i just got out of the water" look to them. and they usually have a lot of baby hairs.

♱ cancer venus women can easily rock the messy hair look, as cancer is one of the signs that rules the bed, sleep and night. they look really nice with pixie cuts or side-parts. they can stare really hard though.

extra - adriana lima

LEO VENUS

PAMELA ANDERSON, ARIANA GREENBLATT AND MONICA BELLUCCI

♇ like those with cancer venuses, leo venus women have amazing side profiles, and can can look good with both thin and thick eyebrows. their eyebrows are normally arched, but they can also be lowly arched which gives them a more feline look, a lioness appereance.

♇ they usually have medium sized heads, with square jaws and pointy chins, and they are women who look good in messy hair, or hair that is curly. straight hair can look good on them but it can sometimes make them look flat, so big or curled hair [along with hair that is tied up that shows their facial structure more] goes well for them.

♇ puffy lips, and when it comes to make-up, they look really good with ombre colours. strong necks and defined collar bones, and they usually have a distinct point on their noise, like the lion nose.

♇ though besides from lions, leo venuses look like kittens in general, even though its the same family, i feel like the venus in specifically in leo women have a more baby faced feline look to them, one that makes them look youthful, they could also have a round head shape, given them a heart-shape as the jaw is sharper than the rest.

extra - lindsay lohan

VIRGO VENUS

KYLIE JENNER, MEGHAN MARKLE AND BELLA HADID

♱ they usually have a long mid face and structure noses, most of them tend to get procedures done to fit into the market/stereotype of what beauty is supposed to be. their jaw usually tends to be soft and then chin sharp, aside from meghan markle.

♱ their eyebrows tend to be pointed and their lower lip tends to be heavier than their upper lip. broad forehead and wide lips, defined cheek bones or they usually define their cheek bones with their make up, specifically blush.

♱ virgo venus women usually look like elves, and their ears are usually defined as well. slender necks and earthy look [specifically due to virgo being an earth sign], are usually women who look very sophisticated. sometimes have the appearance that they just ran through the woods, [can connect to demeter searching for persephone].

♱ women with virgo venuses normally do have pointed eyes, or eyes that are upturned, and the lower whites of their eyes have spaces to them which sometimes make them look like they have sanpaku eyes. they also look amazing with darker hair and with their locks being down.

extra - sophia loren

LIBRA VENUS

JADA PINKETT SMITH, HILLARY DUFF AND CIARA

♇ normally have long faces, or a long nose bridge that makes them look like they have a long face. nice smiles and apple cheeks, a sharp face structure which is a contrast to how libra placements usually look, as they tend to appear more circular, but the libra being in venus gives them a more structured look.

♇ pearly teeth, and sometimes they could even have small teeth. soft eyebrows but full ones. and sometimes they have a surprised look on their faces. defined adams apple and collar bone. sqaure chins and most of them have brownish/hazel eyes.

♇ dewy/glowy skin, the juno/hera impact gives them that, and sometimes they have a lighter under tone. they have sharp eyes that sometimes make them come across as if they're squinting all the time

♇ have hard stares, sometimes they look like they're piercing through your soul, it gives them that cheetah look. like judgement, [the hera impact again]. libra venus women usually have smaller lips, even thought it could still be full, they can still be smaller.

extra - beyonce

SCORPIO VENUS

CARDI B, ANNE HATHEWAY AND DOJA CAT

♱ surprisingly, most of the ones i've seen and researched upon have circular faces, but their faces are long and their cheekbones are strong and defined, and it comes out a lot when they smile.

♱ like the sign they share mars with in traditional astrology, aries venus, a lot of scorpio venuses have strong cupid bows. look really nice when they outline their lips with a brown lip liner, brown and pink combo goes really well with them.

♱ stunning with dark hair, blonde her brightens them a lot, and looks fine on them, but they can also experiment with many hair colours. dark and darty eyes, long nose bridge and most of them usually get cosmetic surgery, as both their modern and traditional ruler indicates cosmetic surgery, there's a stronger indicator when there's much libra energy, as libra is the main sign that governs over cosmetic beauty.

♱ they have a long facial structure, and look really nice with their hair down or up. particularly in a messy updo. they have this dove look, it is normally because of their distinctive or thin nose bridge and their lips being in a lower power of their face. but i think their features are well proportioned.

extra - dakota johnson

SAGITTARIUS VENUS

CHRISTINA AUGELIRA, ALEXA DEMIE AND BILLIE EILISH

♇ have a bigger than life energy, thick/full eyebrows and a long nose bridge. these women usually had a defined nose bridge with a buttoned nose and a very straight hairline that gives them a square head shape. apple cheeks that are prominent and brilliant smiles.

♇ very sultry and inviting eyes, and sometimes it could be piercing. they normally have big foreheads and square jaws and pointy chins. their face features are well spread, and they regularly have straight eyebrows and its low and close to their eyes that sometimes gives them a rough look.

♇ they go well with clothings that are big for them, a big example being billie, but sometimes they might be considered as cultural appropriators, specifically christina and billie.

♇ sagittarius venuses usually have that bohemian look, they look good in both white and black clothing, but also very colourful clothing. like their sister sign, gemini venus. sagittarius venus women are very versatile with their clothing and tend to look like fallen angels.

extra - kendall jenner.

CAPRICORN VENUS

MEGAN THEE STALLION, CINDY CRAWFORD AND TYRA BANKS

♱ evidently, have the model look to them, have a lean or good body figure, and are usually tall. have nice legs and look really good with messy hair, hair that is also layered.

♱ they have boxy jaws and look good in many hair colours, but the hair colours i think suit them the most is black, brown and blonde, as you can see with the women i've put above. they tend to have a shorter faces, or a forehead that could be considered small.

♱ high cheek bones and arched eyebrows. make-up that makes them look like they're glowing pairs well for them. and a classy femme fatale look is an essence they usually display and embody.

♱ capricorn venus women are prone to have very warm eyes, and the tip of their noses are usually distinct, like having a bulbous nose or an upturned one. brown lipped make-up is aesthetically pleasing for them. even though they could be considered as femme fatales, there's still a teddy bear appearance these women have to themselves.

extra - olivia rodrigo

AQUARIUS VENUS

PARIS HILTON, SHARON TATE AND SADE

♇ they look like fairies to me, they have a bigger lower lip compared to their upper lip, and normally the tip of their nose is down turned. and have the type of eyes where it looks like you're looking into their souls.

♇ slender necks and glossy hair and the size of their forehead is regularly large, it gets them more of that other-worldly look. big eyes that usually makes them look sad or makes them look like they can tell a thousand stories.

♇ aquarius venus women [if they dont have strong moon or saturn in their chart], they have very soft cheek bones that gives them a youthful image and a youthful glow. they give more of a cute or refined appearance, and are the type to look nice with shorter hair.

♇ because of their fairy like features, they look very frail and delicate, as if they're brittle glass. aquarius venus women age very well too, particularly with the saturnian influence in their chart.

extra - elizabeth olsen

PISCES VENUS

LILY COLLINS, ELLE FANNING AND ROSE HUNTINGON WHITLEY

♱ i dont mean this in a mean way, but pisces venus women look like adorable cows, i've said this before in the ascendant and their beauty post about pisces ascendant women, but it is likely because their eyebrows are very low down their foreheads and they normally tend to have full, thin and straight eyebrows that gives them that cow look.

♱ but they dont only look like cute baby cows, they also have this baby doll, particularly because their features a prone to be in the middle, [or you can say having a heavy mid face].

♱ they also look good in hair styles that cover their face, [chiefly the side of their faces]. middle parts suit them really well, [and side parts, chiefly if they're going for a classy look, for example, lily collins when she did the audrey hepburn photoshoot].

♱ like aquarius venuses, pisces venus women usually look very slender and delicate. and layered hair compliments them, it captures their face frame well, gives their faces a more lean look as most of their face shapes are square and they have very strong jaws. most hairstyles with their hair down look good on them.

extra - quenlin blackwell

masterlist

[illusioncanthurtme--art]

A very self indulgent Billford playlist!

Self indulgent, because this music does not appeal to the masses at all; these songs are limited to the stuff I listen to. So I’m being VERY transparent about my embarrassing taste in music right now! Plus, NOBODY ASKED FOR THIS!!! But I hope some of these resonate with you. This is a little collection I’ve formed in my phone notes since I got into this ship a couple weeks ago.

Not a fancy spotify playlist, it’s just links to the music on youtube. 

I’ve got this divided into parts:

-The Billford Songs

-The In This Moment Billford Songs

SO MUCH of their music is enemies/lovers perfection. I’ve thought about so many *killing you but also making out with you* pairings to this shit, because these songs were like, DESIGNED to be recycled for any and all love hate relationships, and still hit insanely hard EVERY TIME. So now that you have these songs under your belt, you have them FOREVER. You’re welcome. I haven’t even listened to all their music, I’m sure there’s more songs for this category that I simply haven’t discovered.

-The…Maybe…Billford Songs

My standards were kinda high for making this list. But every song is about your ship when you’re insane, right??? So these are the maybe’s. One’s I’ve thought about billford to, but maybe the lyrics don’t totally align.

Playlist under the cut! I wasn’t gonna ramble about each song but WHOOPS I DID 🤷‍♀️

The Billford songs:

Monophobia - Deadmau5 (Extended version, cuz it’s the best.)

THE LYRICS… THE LYRICS!!!! Definitely bill pining in theraprism. 

Propane Nightmares - Pendulum

This one WAS gonna go in the maybe’s, but I convinced myself otherwise after listening to it eighty more times, and now it’s up here on top. And fuck it, this is the *self indulgent* billford playlist, so I do what I want. I go into a fucking trance when I listen to this song, so I can’t really explain 110% why this is a billford song to me, but I’ll try.  Apparently, this song is about the heavens gate cult. So not enemies/lovers angst. But looking at the lyrics, you could interpret it as giving yourself to something greater, and coming to the realization that what you pledged yourself to is actually a very bad thing which will ultimately destroy you. (also, you can’t deny that there was some cult like manipulation happening with Bill and Ford. Sense of purpose and friendship.) Definitely billford-y when you consider Fords commitment to bill. And I’ll admit, when I listen to it, there is some pov switching. Because the “trail of fire”,  “we will be as one”, and “bring it on home” is VERY reminiscent of bill executing weirdmageddon. So overall, my interpretation of this song is Ford feeling torn about bill, feeling regret, feeling scared, and Bill of course, just wanting to bring the dimensions together. “BRING IT ON HOME!!!!”  Or I just like the song. 

Rule 34 - Fish in a Birdcage

Bestie recommended this song to me. It needs no explanation.

Painkiller - The Queenstons

…NEEDS NO EXPLANATION DSKFDSKJHF It’s similar to the above, just more… scary imo. Violent. Definitely bill being a little psycho. I really love this song. It’s very recyclable too. You have it for any toxic ship now. 

9V - The Queenstons

One of my favorite Lapfox/Halley Labs songs… I’m gonna give you the lyrics, it’s a bit hard to understand without them. In my eyes, it’s about betraying Ford. Also these vocals (and other music by this artist) works so well for bill because of the synthesized voice. 

LoveBOMB - S3RL

This is a new S3RL song. This song sounds like a tantrum, and I really liked it when I first heard it, but it didn't fit anything I was into at the time. Luckily, bill suffered a horrible breakup, and now this song has it’s meaning. 

When I'm There - S3RL

Bill thinking about joining the third dimension with Ford. 

Click Bait - S3RL

I’ve listened to this one a LOT before this, and I surprised myself with how much it aligns with bill, specifically, him tricking Ford.

Space-Time - S3RL

Speaks for itself.

Sodom & Gomorrah - Dorian Electra

This one’s just funny :)

The In This Moment Billford Songs

Sick Like Me

Sexual Hallucination

This is one of those recyclable songs, but I was damn surprised at how well the lyrics suited them, because it alludes to being out of body, possession, etc.

Blood

Half God half devil

Roots

Whore

Damn it, I cant deny this one suits them.

Big Bad Wolf

DAMN IT I wasn’t gonna include this one, but I just checked the lyrics and fuck, it works. In this moment, how are you so wonderful

The…Maybe…Billford Songs

Illuminaughty - Infected Mushroom

I'm kind of grasping at straws with these lyrics, but with a title like that? Come on

The Pretender - Foo Fighters, Infected Mushroom, Turbo Remix

Three versions, for whichever suits your fancy.

Leopold - Infected Mushroom

This one has NO LYRICS, but it has this buildup that sounds really cool, and it has an abrupt decrescendo. Reminds me of their "friendship" and how it all came crashing down.

Idolize - Dorian Electra

Hmmmmm, I just like Dorian. But the idolization thing works for obvious reasons.

That’s it! Hope you enjoy. Maybe I'll do an expansion pack of sorts if I find enough songs for a part 2.

[thewritetofreespeech]

Could I request Astarion and his s/o getting into a sass competition where Astarion ends up confessing to her by accident and now he's all flustered?

Astarion x Reader

“Can’t you go any faster?”

“I’m not exactly as well versed into taking these off as I am in putting them on, darling.” Astarion quipped at you as he fiddled with the lock on your cuffs.

Being somewhat of an anti-hero liaisons these days, the group had been pinched on some trumped up but completely true & legal charges of petty theft and larceny. Your options were fight, flight, or get arrested when confronted by the guards and charges. And since you couldn’t fight a whole city’s worth of Iron Fists, and running also seemed unplausible as you’d have to come back to the city sometime, you decided to take you lumps and went to jail. Luckily, where there’s a will there’s a way. Or in this case: a vampire with a lockpick up his sleeve.

“Why did you wait to do me last anyway? Just to see me suffer?”

“Well,” Astarion cooed, “it does have a certain visual appeal.”

You clicked your teeth and rolled your eyes. “Could you just hurry up? I’m starting to lose the feeling in my hands. All the blood is rushing out of them.”

“Oh, well, we wouldn’t want that.”

“Well, if you want my blood again, you should be more sympathetic to my pain.” You told him. Sighing heavily as one arm was free and Astarion moved on to the other one.

“Don’t you threaten me. Besides, if you won’t give me what I want, I’ll just move on to some other lucky companion in our camp.”

“Ha! Like anyone else would have you.”

Astarion frowned. “I’ll have you know that there are plenty of people who would welcome my teeth at their necks. Hundreds. Thousands!”

“Yeah. One blood obsessed drow and…who was the other one you tricked again?” You pulled at the shackles, which jiggled the irons and knocked the lockpick free, but unbroken. The vampire growled at you.

“I tricked you easy enough, didn’t I?”

“Only because I took pity on you.”

“Pity?!”

“Yeah.” You told him. “That poor, sad, puppy dog ‘please feed me’ look was just something I couldn’t say no to.”

Astarion growled again. “That is not how it happened. Besides, if you didn’t like it you wouldn’t keep asking for more.”

“Oh sure. Blame the victim.”

“You are not a victim!” He snapped at you. He seemed a little wounded by that one. Maybe you went a little too far. “Gods.” He cursed under his breath with a frown. “You are lucky I love you so much, otherwise I would just leave you here, chained up, and never bite you again. No matter how much you begged me.”

The lock finally snapped open and your arm fell to the side. You lifted it to rub your wrist but were uncharacteristically silent.

“Would it have been too much to expect a thank you??”

“Did you just say you love me?”

Astarion froze for a moment. A little wide eyed at your question. He seemed to be racking his brain for a moment. Trying to remember the conversation before an ‘Oh. Shit.’ expression came over his face. “What? Oh, that. Figure of speech darling, of course.” He let out a single nervous cough after that and a rushed, “let’s go meet up with the other.” Before he turned on his heels and made a speedy exit.

You rub your wrist one more time as a soft, shy smile came to your lips behind his back. You follow after him and meet up with the others. Waiting just outside the prison for the two of you, as apparently just around the corner was enough of an escape from the mighty Iron Fist.

“Ah! I just love this fresh air.” You exclaim, followed by more comments on how dusty & dank your cell had been, but really just watching Astarion’s shoulders tense.

You spent the rest of the day subversively tormenting Astarion. Making comments on how much you loved the weather, or loved a dress in a window. How much you loved dinner that night. How much you loved getting a good night’s rest that night.

By the time everyone had gone off to their respective tents for the evening, Astarion had apparently had enough and slunk up to yours. “I know what you’re doing. Now stop it!” He hissed.

“But I thought you’d love it.”

“Stop it!” He hissed again. If he could right now, he would blush. You were tempted to let him feed on you for a moment to get the full effect. “I mean it! How would you like it if I threw every verbal misstep in your face? I don’t keep bringing up the time you said Ibis instead of Ignis, now do I??”

It was pretty funny when that bird showed up.

“So, are you upset that you said it and I’m teasing of you, or are you upset that you didn’t mean it and I keep bringing it up?” You honestly didn’t know which answer would be worse at this point. You felt bad you had wounded his pride to the point that he came to talk to you. But you also don’t think you could take it if he told you that he didn’t love you.

Astarion just stood there for a moment, thinking, before he sighed and waved you off. “Just…knock it off ok. I’ve had quite enough today. I’m going to get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.”

He turned to walk away and just before he fell out of ear shot you called to him. “Hey Astarion,” he looked back over his shoulder at you, “I love that you could come and talk to me about this.”

He huffed, but you could see the corners of his mouth struggling to keep down. “Oh shut up.”

[boba-beom]

₊ ⊹꩜ backrow theatre | CHOI BEOMGYU, KANG TAEHYUN

⟢ sub!beomgyu x switch fem!reader x dom!taehyun

⟢ drabble; smut, little fluff

⟢ going on a date with beomgyu in an empty cinema was a plan from the beginning. what you didn't know was that you were being monitored the whole time, and turns out it wasn't just you and beomgyu wanting to have some fun.

⟢ wc: 1.1k (drabbles never drabble)

⟢ a/n: beomgyu and taehyun. the back row of an empty movie theater. smut. @junniieesbby's req for my event! MDNI. I decided I'll slowly release these drabble reqs from my event during the week days too, I feel like it'd be a lot to post during the weekend :') I received more reqs than I thought! but I am extremely thankful nonetheless! feedback would be appreciated as always ᡣ𐭩

warnings under cut

⟢ petnames;(baby, pretty girl, good boy, etc), sir kink, threesome duh, oral (m. receiving), degradation;(slut), deep throating, exhibitionism, dirty talk, somewhat voyeurism, there's some mxm moments (if you don't like that don't send hate, just don't read), unprotected sex, hair pulling, soft choking, pervy taehyun, spit kink and cum eating. lmk if I missed anything!

giving beomgyu head in the back row of an empty cinema was not part of the agenda your a first date, but you weren't mad about it. and neither was the man moaning like nobody's business. you two were the only ones in the cinema room after all.

"ugh, shit, baby. your mouth feels so good." beomgyu sighs, placing both of his hands on either side of your temples, resisting how fast you're sliding his dick down your throat.

the dim lights only made the view of you on your knees even hotter for your date. your fingers fondle his balls while you try and take him in deeper every now and then, and he loved it indicated by his throaty moan.

in the cinema, each room is under surveillance by a member of staff; monitoring any forbidden activities such as filming the screen or in this instance, someone receiving head at the back row of an empty cinema.

the movie wasn't much of an appeal to most but it was also the first day of the viewing—at the latest time too. the member of staff huffs, adjusting his half-hard dick in under his slacks while watching the way your head bobs up and down between the legs of a man slumping in his seat. but he better do his job.

you kneel back on your legs, fisting beomgyu's cock with both hands painfully slow, twisting your fists as he leans forward to kiss you, moaning into your mouth.

light shines on the both of you, along with a stern voice interrupting.

"excuse me, what do you think you're doing? I'm going to have to kick you guys out-"

"please don't kick us out," you squint to read his name tag, "taehyun."

blinded by his torch shining on the lewd scene of your slick hands over beomgyu's pulsing dick, you manage to see the corner of his lips curve upward.

"why shouldn't I? this is unacceptable and it's public indecency." he retorts, but his growing erection feels otherwise.

"if I let you fuck me will you let us finish and not tell anyone, sir?" you look up at him with your doe eyes, almost whining from the title rolling off of your tongue.

your boldness was good enough to keep you going, beomgyu's cock back in the warmth of your mouth and taehyun's pounding you from behind, also kneeling. the grip of two pairs of hands on your body—your head and your hips—essentially had your mind reeling, another thing added that wasn't on your agenda.

taehyun's thrusts didn't falter, fucking you hard enough until your legs are shaking, him having to hold you up.

"fucking cum, slut." taehyun grunts between clenched teeth.

your moans over beomgyu's cock doesn't help him from hold back his noises, whining your name as he feels his length throbbing against your tongue. that is, until taehyun pushes your head down, taking more of beomgyu until his tip was lodged down your throat and gargling, then pulling at your hair, stopping just when beomgyu's tip remains in your mouth.

the male above you starts grabbing on the arms of the seat, throwing his head back and mouth agape while you're moaning around his tip until he unloads his thick cum in your mouth.

"don't swallow yet, pretty girl." taehyun pants behind you, snapping his hips as he pistons into your throbbing cunt. "c'mere."

you shuffle on your knees, knowing they're bruised but the pain is nonexistent in a situation like this. taehyun sits beside beomgyu and fists his shaft, waiting for you to position yourself between his legs.

you open your mouth slowly, careful not to spill beomgyu's cum from the corners of your lips. after a couple more strokes, taehyun hunches forward, letting out his strangled groans after each pump of his white ribbons spurting out his tip and into your full mouth.

"good girl." he sighs, chest heaving while he caresses your cheek once you close your mouth. but you don't swallow. letting the bitter cum of both men mix over and under your tongue.

taehyun turns to beomgyu, a thought brewing in his head and hoping you'd be quick to catch on. he grabs your date's jaw, delicately squeezing his cheeks.

"open." is all he says, and beomgyu was quick to oblige, opening his mouth and sticking his tongue out flat against his bottom lip.

taehyun looks at you, smirking and nodding his head in beomgyu's direction, a subtle smile playing on your lips. you genuinely wouldn't have taken him to be such a freak but he's so hot, and the lust in his eyes while he waits for you to move was enough to realise he was just as freaky.

getting up on your feet, your knees almost buckle as you move to hover over beomgyu, crawling over his lap as your slicked cunt makes contact with his half-hard dick. you look at him below you, whiny and bringing his hands over a loose hold around taehyun's wrist.

leaning over beomgyu's face, you part your lips, slowly letting the mixed substances fall out your mouth and into the male's beneath you. when you felt nothing left in your mouth you press your lips against beomgyu's roughly kissing him and still tasting the cum on against your tongues.

another higher pitched whine rumbles in his chest when he felt the liquids sliding down his tongue and to the back of his throat.

"that's my good boy. now swallow, baby." you coo in his ear and you feel beomgyu's cock jump beneath you, taehyun, too, found that extremely hot.

you didn't take beomgyu to be someone who would eat his own cum, let alone a stranger's, but you'd by lying to yourself if you said that it didn't turn you on.

when beomgyu swallowed the last drop of cum he opened his mouth to show you, tongue sticking out again and taehyun's hand slides down to beomgyu's throat, applying light pressure as he raises off of the seat and spits into the other male's mouth, then nods. beomgyu swallows that too, no hesitancy in sight.

"god, you take anything we give you, don't you?" taehyun chuckles, thumb rubbing beomgyu's bobbing adam's apple.

the movie was coming to an end, the credits just about to appear and the lights gradually brightens up the room while the three of you sort out your clothes and wiping down the collective mess on the seats.

you grab your jacket from your seat, looking around to find taehyun making his way to the exit of the theatre room.

"taehyun!" you call after him, also making your way down the steps to catch up to him.

he turns around, brows cocking up and his hands in his pockets.

"I was wondering," you start sweetly, "could I get your number and we can fuck again?"

he chuckles at your straightforwardness, taking his phone out for you to put your number in his contacts.

"pretty thing, I'd love to. just, not in the theatre again. you're lucky it was just me who saw." he responds firmly, but he has that stupid smirk crawling on his lips again. "and beomgyu?"

you give him a sweet smile.

"you two are hot so.." you trail, "this arrangement good?"

taehyun looks up to where beomgyu was, walking up behind you with his flushed cheeks.

"yeah, this could work." he nods, retrieving his phone from you. "see you around miss."

"see you around, sir."

© BOBA-BEOM ; all rights reserved. do not repost, copy, alter or translate in any way or platform.

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[toomuchracket]

girl of your dreams (d word matty x reader smut)

early days of the relationship, sneaky post-show hotel room sex. warnings for d word mention (duh), exactly one (1) spank, matty going down soft sound, unprotected sex (girly is on the pill tho), and creampies. enjoy <3

“yeah, yeah, goodnight,” matty smiles as his bandmates disappear into their respective rooms, entering his own when the locking mechanism clicks open. he's used to that sound now, used to quickly sliding the do not disturb hanger onto the handle, used to kicking his shoes off and placing the keycard near the door and yawning as he turns the corner into the bedroom proper.

what he's not used to, however, is seeing you there, sprawled out on his bed watching tv, wearing your glasses and a champagne-coloured satin nightgown that quite honestly makes him go weak in the knees.

he wants to get used to it, though. really, really wants to. he's determined to, actually. but first, he's determined to make up for being later to your rendezvous than planned. “hi, darling,” he smiles (how could he not, looking at you?), shrugging his jacket off en route to the bed. “i'm so sorry it took me so long to get here.”

“s'alright, baby, i understand. newcastle show and all,” you crawl to the end of the bed to meet him, and the way your tits swing as you do affects him almost as much as the pet name does; both of these things pale in comparison to the way you kiss him, though, all soft lips and quiet sighs, hand coming up to hold his face while you smile into him. when the kiss ends, you press your forehead to matty's, and it takes all his focus not to swoon. “your family are lovely, by the way. ‘specially your dad.”

matty laughs softly. “yeah, he was telling me how canny he thinks you are. says i should be paying you extra for the fact you're the one waking me up every morning.”

“oh, no, i like the kiss currency thing we've got,” you giggle, pressing one to his nose and sending his heart racing. “but were you really that much of a nightmare when you were little?”

“christ, yeah. he didn't detail it?”

“no, he was very sweet. maybe he was trying to make you seem cool,” your pretty face shifts into a smirk, and matty braces himself for the inevitable. “i mean, your family are all so concerned with when you plan on settling down - maybe he was trying to make you seem appealing to me.”

“take it you heard them asking me if i was seeing anyone, then?”

“yeah. was funny,” you peck his lips. “and your answer was very good.”

matty hums, thinking back to the there's someone, yeah, but she's too good for me so i'm playing it cool right now he'd placated his family with. which, to be honest, isn't a total lie. “good, good,” he gently lowers you so you're lying on the bed, crawling atop you and resting his arms on either side of your head; yours rest on his shoulders, pretty nails gently scratching at the back of his head the way he likes. “and was my dad successful?”

“at making you appeal to me? oh, yeah,” the playfulness in your eyes is addictive. “i’m really quite fond of you, matthew.”

god, the way you say his name! “feeling's mutual, gorgeous,” matty leans back, letting his calloused hands lightly skim up the sides of your torso. “love this outfit, by the way.”

“m'glad. bought it with you in mind,” the revelation sends matty reeling, and it's only worsened by what comes next. “dunno if you could call it an outfit, though.”

“why not?”

you smile, sweet as sugar. “because i'm not actually wearing anything else, darling.”

jesus christ. blood rushing in his ears, matty stutters out a response. “you serious?”

a nod, a suggestive bite of your own fingertip. “see for yourself.”

what a fool he would be to do otherwise. blood still pumping in his ears, and travelling more towards his trousers by the nanosecond, matty drags himself down your body and settles himself on the bed between your - fucking gorgeous - legs. with something almost resembling trepidation, he slowly pushes the silk up your thighs, jaw dropping in a groan as he takes in the enticing wetness pooling between them on your cunt. “fucking hell, sweetheart,” he moans, hand tracing up your slit and circling your clit as if on instinct, making you jerk with a whine and his dick jump as a result. when he brings his fingers to his lips and the delectable tang of you hits his tongue, matty's necessary next step becomes crystal clear. “please, please let me eat you out.”

your reply nearly makes him cum there and then - another thing matty's still unused to is the new nickname you've been trying out together, but it isn't half fucking incredible. “yes, daddy.”

matty thinks he breathed out a “thank you” as soon as the words left your lips, but he can't be sure; the only thing he can focus on is getting his mouth on you, licking upwards to your clit before wrapping his lips around the bundle of nerves and flicking over it with the tip of his tongue, just the way he was elated to discover you like. he can't help but moan into you when he hears your little whimper of “oh, just like that, yeah”, smiling when you moan louder in response and clamp your thighs around his head - a second later, when realisation seems to hit, you go to loosen your grip with a half-whined “m'sorry, daddy”, but matty just shakes his head (which has you moaning again as his tongue slices across your clit) and shuffles himself around so he can wrap his arms around your thighs and keep them there. not out of masochism - well, part of it is - but more out of the fact that your thighs locked around his head is proof that this is really happening, and he isn't just dreaming about going down on you like he did for months after first meeting you. 

of course, reality is so much better than those dreams: matty could never have imagined how good you actually taste when he's licking into you with nothing short of desperation, or how beautiful you look when you're all fucked-out, or the way your voice goes all shaky when you're about to cum. which, incidentally, is what's happening now - “m'close, daddy, m'so fucking close. wanna cum, please, please let me cum!”

seems as good a time as any for matty to take a breath, he thinks. pulling away from you just long enough to take in a lungful or air, he nods. “cum, princess.”

with a dazed smile so beautiful it breaks his heart a little bit, and a breathy “thank you”, you obey, body tensing and releasing a final time, accompanied by shaking limbs and broken whimpers of his name and his nickname and god only knows what else. matty kisses your inner thigh, resting his head on it and letting you come back down to earth in your own time; he likes watching you like this, anyway, worn-out from pleasure and a little bit haphazard. your hair's a mess, your glasses are askew (he's also far more into them than he initially thought, to be honest), and your nightgown is really quite crinkled, but he can practically feel the adoration for you emanating from himself. 

you're so beautiful. and you're his. he still can't quite believe it's not a dream.

you rake a hand through his sweaty curls, and he's reminded that this is all real. he kisses your thigh again, and you giggle. “hi.”

“hi, darling,” matty rubs a little loveheart on your thigh with his thumb. “how you feeling?”

“so good. thank you, gorgeous,” you smile, while matty's cheeks burn at the compliment. “how are you?”

“i'm good, angel, i'm really good.”

“tired at all?”

he shakes his head. “not really. but we can go to sleep now if you want,” he smirks when you shake your head enthusiastically. “no? there's something else you wanna stay up for… princess?”

you bite your lip, nodding. he huffs out a laugh. “need you to tell me what it is so we can do it, sweet girl. come on,” he pulls himself up slowly, pressing kisses up your stomach and resting his head on your tits. “tell daddy what you want.”

“i - oh, fuck,” you whimper as matty tugs down the top of your dress and mouths at your nipple. “want- want you to fuck me, daddy. please.”

he knew it was coming, and yet matty still feels heat trickle down his chest right to his dick when you speak. “good girl. and how do you want to be fucked, princess?”

“in front of the mirror,” your voice is clear, sure, sexy; it crumbles when you talk again, but matty thinks your secret desire is even hotter. “wanna watch.”

the next few minutes are a blur to matty, which he reckons he would put down to some weird primitive horny instinct to just fuck you as soon as he can. he remembers kissing you, but nothing about how he got you on your hands and knees before the mirror or undressed himself; post-kiss, the only thing he can focus on is the feeling of inching inside your soaked cunt, watching your eyes roll back into your head, listening to the choked moan that leaves your kiss-bitten lips as he bottoms out inside you with a murmured “fuck”. he kisses your shoulder, smiling into your summer-scented skin at the way you giggle deliriously. “feel so good around me, baby. you want me to fuck you now?”

“please,” your jaw slackens as matty starts to move his hips; when he speeds up, groaning at how wet you are, how brain-meltingly tight, you whimper, and he has to force himself not to cum then and there. “daddy…”

“i know, sweetheart, i know. doing so well for me,” matty coos, eyes fixated on the reflection of your tits bouncing in the genuinely most perfect way with every thrust. christ, he's really lucked out with you, hasn't he? sweet, smart, fucking gorgeous… he's punching well above his weight. “my beautiful girl. want me to get you off again, princess?”

you nod, whimpering when his hand meets your asscheek; as he rubs the stinging skin, matty sighs. “words, baby, come on.”

“sorry, daddy. yes please.”

he leans forward to kiss the nape of your neck, moving to whisper in your ear. “good girl.”

his hips speed up, so much so that he can already feel the muscle aches he'll wake up with tomorrow. but it's more than worth it to see you like this, to make you like this, wanton and writhing and whining every time your bodies meet; the way you're beginning to clench around him in the way matty's learned is a sign that you're about to cum spurs him on, too, desperate to get you off and chase his own release. “c'mon, princess,” he pants, gripping your hips as tight as possible to keep up momentum. “need you to cum for me, yeah? cum, and i'll fill you up. know you fucking love it when i do that, don't you? love being a good girl for daddy.”

“yeah,” comes the broken cry in response. your cheeks are stained with mascara tears, streaming from your hazy eyes, and your whole body appears to be shaking - suddenly, it tenses, and matty hisses at the feeling of you vice-tight around his dick. “m'cumming, oh fuck, fuck!”

there's an influx of warmth and wetness around him, and matty can't help but follow in your footsteps. “shit, me too,” he moans, brain foggy but body still slamming into yours, syncopated now; he clings to you as he cums, eyes rolling back into his head as he finishes deep inside your cunt. your arms give out, and matty follows your fall onto the bed, draping himself over you without pulling out and pressing his lips to the back of your neck. “jesus christ, princess, you're so good,” he kisses your cheek when you giggle, a sweetness incongruous with the fact he can feel his cum dripping out of you. “y'alright?”

“yeah,” you turn to catch his lips with yours, a tender kiss that ends with you looking at him so adoringly he almost can't take it. “thank you, baby.”

“anytime. s'my pleasure. and yours, i s'pose.”

“you're so silly.”

“and you're into it.”

“i am, yeah,” you smile, and matty swears he can feel butterflies in his stomach. “i'm just very into you.”

“i feel the same about you,” matty strokes your hair, yawning. “shall we shower? or d'you wanna stay like this for a bit, darling?”

you beam. “wanna stay like this forever, matty. but,” you wink. “given that we're both working tomorrow, maybe we should limit it to, let's say, five minutes of this before we shower?”

god, he's so obsessed with you. “whatever you want, my girl.”

[dollypopup]

Today I'm thinking about how so much of Colin's narrative speaks to the neurodivergent experience of having to pretend to be someone else as a survival mechanism. Of the pressure in masking because your real, authentic self is rejected or ignored: too weird, too quiet, too loud, too gullible, too soft-heart, too. . .everything. Too anything. And at the same time, not enough.

Colin gets excited about his travels, about his hyperfixations, talks and talks and talks about them, and no one cares. So, Colin shuts up. Colin writes letter after letter, and gets no reply. So, Colin writes in a journal just for himself. Colin tries and tries to make his family proud, tries to marry, tries courting properly, and it blows up in his face. So, Colin chooses not to date, to become a spectator. Colin is yelled at for trying to invest, so he no longer asks or talks about money, doesn't try to rock the boat in his city. Who Colin is, what he wants, ceases to matter, the fabric of him folded smaller and smaller- instead he focuses on the shell. Builds it in image of his older brothers, of the men around him. Mirrors them.

Anthony says he should have taken Colin to brothels, that he's a fool for trying to marry and his engagement blows up- Colin thus goes to brothels. Colin hops from city to city, trying on new personas like outfits, fine tuning each one. Is this it? Will this be what finally makes them accept me? Colin's appeal to the women of the ton is that he does not talk about himself- but about them. That they're wearing beautiful dresses, that surely they'll find husbands. Separating himself from them- cannot tell them of his travels, that he's not the brave one, it was everyone working together to help with the balloon.

Deflect. Never centered. Colin exists on the outskirts as Pen does, he's just hypervisible for his exterior, and invisible otherwise. His charm is that he pleases those around him. His wounds are that the truest version of him cannot accomplish that. Thus, he becomes hyperaware of what his impact is, first to apologize and last to be forgiven. Living for the approval of others is a trap. He knows. He's fallen into it, a bear claw around his ankles.

He feels like the only way he's worthwhile is if he's providing something for someone. An apology, or comfort, or ease, compliments or winks, a laugh or a distraction, good looks or a fantasy. Providing a happy life for Pen by stepping out of the way, his own needs secondary. It's being there for his mum for an escort or a soft heart to heart. It's taking Anthony's disappointment in him and being indulgent to Eloise's insults. It's giving Benedict his special tea and saying hardly anything about why he bought it in the first place. Bringing gifts to family members who did not write back to him as he wandered the world, alone. It's sticking his neck out for Penelope with Jack, it's providing a dance or a rescue or a good time, checking on Marina to make sure she's alive and okay, listening to Phillip. Colin isn't at all comfortable being himself, the himself that is messy, so he covers it in the himself that is useful.

But what he does, what he provides other people, is not his actual worth. He thinks he's being altruistic by stepping aside and languishing in his feelings for Pen, believing she'll be happier in the future with Debling, waiting and waiting and waiting, until that candle burns out and he's at the 11th hour- and when he snaps and goes after her, when he cuts into her dance, when he runs for her in that carriage, he makes a choice for himself that he thinks, in some way, is selfish.

But it isn't. It's what she wants, too. And there's something beautiful in the fact that with Penelope, his being real, what he thinks is so difficult and unwanted, is actually giving her what she has desired all along. They both find fulfillment and contentment in his unmasking. Penelope never wanted the shell. She saw what was beneath it. She loves what's beneath it.

And I think there's something. . .healing, in that narrative. That us ND peeps who mask as a means of fitting in- that will never bring us happiness. Not really. That it didn't bring Colin happiness.

His arc is realizing that he should be his true, authentic self, and that love will bloom from it. And it does.

I don't know. I think I can learn something from that. I think I'm going to carry that with me for a while.

[adventuringblind]

Band-Aids are for Speed

Lando Norris x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Street Racer AU

Summary: The five times she patched Lando up, and the one time he patched up her.

Warnings: Injury descriptions, broken bones, cuts, bruises, blood, illigal street racing, car accidents

Notes: Author is not a doctor but has watched medical dramas... don't judge my knowledge!

Side Note: I hope le requester enjoys this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

Masterlist // Request Form // My Website // buy me a Ko-Fi

The first time she met Lando, he was siting in the emergency room waiting to be stitched up. She quietly hums to herself while setting up as the other nurse changes places with her.

The deep gash on his arm makes her wonder what he did to get it, but she also knows better then to ask. He doesn't look like he's in the mood to talk anyway.

It takes approximately three minutes for her to retract that statement. "So, you come here often?"

The question takes her so of guard that she doesn't know what to do with it aside from take the next few seconds to process. Is it not obvious that she works here?

"Do you mean the hospital? Or in this room specifically?" She laughs lightly at the ridiculousness of her patient and blames the minor blood loss.

"Nah, I mean in my presence." He smirks.

She tries to focus on her work. "Can't say I have."

"Would you like to be in it more?"

He gives her his number before he leaves. He dots the 'i' in his name with a heart.

She texts him the second she gets him to ask if he's bless her with his presence again.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

In the few months they've been seeing each other she's learned that Lando is obsessed with cars. It's cute when he jumps into excited rants about his favorite subject.

With the amount they've been talking, it's not shocking that Lando texts her in the evening. She assumes it'll be another silly joke. Instead she's met with frenzied sentences and misspelled words about need medical attention.

She doesn't hesitate to drive to his place. In hindsight, she really should've asked him why he didn't go to A&E when he's bleeding all over the bathroom floor.

"Please tell me you didn't get jumped." She kneels down and sets about getting him a position where she can see what she's doing.

He groans in pain as she moves him. "Nope! It was spectacular though."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I crashed the car but still won." He lets out a triumphant hoot.

This man can never give her all the details at one. "You got in a car accident?! How is that winning?!"

"Because I won the money... duh." He's definitely delirious now. Probably has a concussion. "Oh, I didn't tell you? I street race."

There's that strange part of her that is intrigued and curious to know more, specifically because that adds to his sex appeal (like he wasn't hot enough already). The logical side of her brain that is currently staring at Lando bleeding says otherwise. "Uh, no... you didn't."

"Well isn't that unfortunate! You coulda seen me crash today if you had."

Lando is half asleep by the time she is done. She's barely able to wrangle him into bed with how uncoordinated he is. It's useless keeping him awake.

She turns the lights off and is about to leave - "Will you stay?"

"I can, yeah, do you want me on the couch or is there another bedroom?"

"In bed with me. You can stay here - with me."

Against her better judgment, she does.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

She doesn't usually work the weekend shift but one of the nurses is on vacation and she could us the extra hours. She leaves her phone on vibrate in her pocket in case of a 'family emergency.'

Said emergency being Lando who is more accident prone on the weekends. Somehow, less accident prone in the car and more when he's doing normal people tasks.

Sometimes she wonders if her gets hurt on purpose just so he has an excuse to see her. She keeps telling him he doesn't need one - just in case - but he still calls and she goes. It's not like she has much else to do with her time aside.

She really shouldn't be shocked when he ends up in emergency clutching his arm. He gives her a bashful smile and tries to awkwardly wave. "Hi."

"And what, my love, are you in for this time?"

"I slipped on the stairs..."

Another male, a tall brunette who she knows as George, hits him playfully on the head. "No he did not! This idiot decided it would be a brilliant idea to tie a skateboard to the back of Alex's car and sit on it while Alex drove."

She throws a stern look at Lando and his smile goes from bashful to downright embarrassed. "You're lucky it's just you're arm."

By the time he's set free into the world to make more impulsive decisions, she makes the executive decision to make him wait until she's done working. He puts a pout on his lips, but it goes away when she sends him to the cafeteria.

They drive home listening to the indie station. The one he's made her fall in love with.

"Thank you, again."

"You've got to stop thanking me, Lan. It is literally my job." She laughs a little at herself for that one.

"Yeah, but, that's not all. You're the only person who doesn't freak out on me for doing stupid shit. Like I know I shouldn't do it but it gives me that adrenaline that racing does." The sincerity in his voice nearly takes her off guard.

"I can't tell what to do, but I'll always be there when you need a patch job."

"And I'll be there when you need a ride." He winks.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

The first time she's at one of Lando's races, she can feel the thrumming in her heart. The excitement of the start and the fear that he could possibly die doing this.

He jogs over to her right before the start. His hands clumsily find her waist and he smash his lips on hers. "For good luck." He whispers as he pulls away.

She doesn't let go, however. She pulls a band aide out of her pocket and sticks it to his hand. It's a crayon, but she highly doubts he'll care to much.

"What's this for?"

"I had a little girl today who told me that Band-Aids give you speed. I thought you might try it."

"When I win, it'll be all because of you."

Lando does win. She buys more Band-Aids with some of the prize money.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

She's there when the crash happens. The boys had deemed her the official medical personnel. Which she's glad for, since they are the ones getting her to the crash site. In record time - it has to be - she's sure she's never gone this fast before.

She dives out of the back of the truck to the driver side door. Lando sits there, a few visible cuts, but he's smiling at her. She has half a mind to give the boy an earful, but refrains since he did just crash.

It takes her, Alex, and George to get him out of the car and into the truck. She stitches him up before they go home. In her car, mind you, since the one Lando drove is out of order.

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be - just - please remember that I can't fix every kind of injury."

They curl up in bed together. The long night having drained them both of their energy.

"Maybe, but at least my odds of surviving until my thirties have gone up with you around."

"At this rate, you're more likely to die doing dishes then driving."

"That was one time!"

♡♡♡♡♡♡

It wasn't supposed to be this way. She was supposed to go home, not end up back at her job.

Granted, she's here for a different reason now. One that's not her fault and she's pissed about it. She's going to explode with emotions. Her body hurts so much.

Fucking drunk drivers. Who gave them the right to say it's her fault? Telling her she's lucky it wasn't worse.

A soft knock at the door draws her attention. Lando stands there look mildly disheveled. Still, he has his hands on his hips and rolls his eyes. "Whatever am I going to do with you, my love? Always getting into accidents!"

He comes to lay beside her on the bed and she wiggles to make accommodate him. He pulls out a box of bandages from his pocket and proceeds to put them everywhere she has a new mark.

The stress of it all finally breaks through. She sobs into his shoulder and clings to his sweatshirt. "Thank you."

"Hey, none of that. I owe you for all the Band-Aids you've used on me and all those times you've patched me up."

"Does this mean I can drive your car now? Since I have extra speed?"

Lando raises his eyebrows. "Maybe not drive, but I can think of other things we can do with speed." He wiggles said eyebrows suggestively.

"How about, a speedy recovery? You have plenty of those."

"Alright fine, a speedy recovery - and I'll be here for all of it with a plethora of crayon Band-Aids because I bought them all just for you."

[martialartslover7]

Why I think Kishimoto isn't sexist, but just VERY tonedeaf and an idiot

Boy, will I have some venting to do today. I mean, at this point, it's not a secret, that Kishimoto has consistently stated that "he can't write women", to save his life. And to this day, for as long as I was a fan of the series, I am going to be absolutely real: This statement is so full of shit. Why? Simple. And allow me to express it in very big capital letters, so that even the last giant mental invalid can understand:

WOMEN ARE HUMAN-BEINGS WITH BREASTS AND A V BETWEEN THEIR LEGS. WHAT TYPE OF "NUANCES" IS THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT? THERE IS NOTHING "COMPLICATED" ABOUT THEM. WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS?

Like, this entire statement is bullshit for a completely reason altogether: Why even reduce his own point to the fact that the shinobi just so happen to be female? This just sounds like excuses on top of excuses, especially considering the competition like One Piece and Bleach, who all have badass, memorable and sometimes, quite well-written characters, that just so happen to be female.

Let's count up a few IPs that I am aware of, written or directed by males, that has some of the most badass, and most memorable females in all of media:

One Piece

Bleach

Soul Eater

Kill la Kill

Jujutsu Kaisen

Code Geass

Persona

Tekken

Street Fighter

SoulCalibur

Fire Emblem (not all of them, some of them, from what I have seen, can be insane jokes)

And so on, and so forth, the list goes on. And you know what all these IPs have in common, that make them stand out, compared to what Naruto does to its females?

THE FEMALES AREN'T GETTING BOGGED DOWN BY IRRITATING, REDUNDANT AND DOWNRIGHT OFFENSIVE TROPES, THAT FLAT-OUT RUIN THEIR POTENTIAL AND APPEAL AS STANDALONE CHARACTERS!

Like, allow me to list up all the tropes, that Kishimoto made use of, while writing the manga, or being involved in the process of writing / directing the anime, along with the movies.

1. Making the women overtly dependant on the male characters

This one, is not as egregious, but it's a good kickstarter. In the context of the world these characters operate in, to me, it does make sense to show that, like in the Edo period of Japan, women were always seen as second-class citizens, always needing to be tied to men somehow, otherwise they are "worthless". Considering the corrupt, militarized system that most of the girls work in, mostly operated by wrinkly, old farts, who enjoy playing god too much, it does remain understandable to me, that they would be hesistant to be 100% committed to the job, and just ask for normal lives...

...BUT...

...it does leave you asking: Why did they choose to be ninjas in the first place, then? To get smitten with the boys (not counting Hinata, by the way, because she was literally forced into this role)? Just applying as literal child soldiers in a war, that they didn't even start to begin with? And yes, I get it, kunoichis excel in areas that male shinobi struggle with, like silent reconnaisance, charming other men, or sometimes women, to tickle information out of them, being healers, but here is the thing: As the Naruto progressed as a story, this pattern kept repeating, every time a female character got introduced, it would fall back on the following checklist:

Is this woman a healer?

Is she obsessed with looking for a boyfriend / a husband?

Is she lacking in combat-based strength, to the point where she needs protection from either of the male characters?

Because, except for the healer bit, which is more of a specialized field, I just brought it up, because I felt it to be awfully noticeable how often the girls requested to be healers, as if they have to fit into such a mold, or they aren't capable as shinobi, the other two questions get repeatedly answered, for pretty much 98% of all female characters, especially by the end of Shippuden.

And don't get me wrong: This is NOT a negative, per se, that they desire a boyfriend, or someone to spend the rest of their days with, this is not what I am complaining about. In fact, a good chunk of ships in the series are hella cute, and I don't want them to go away. Because to an extent, the romance aspect feels genuine, especially between Naruto and Hinata, or Sasuke and Sakura (yeah, fight me on that, I will defend these two as a ship, until I die), or hell, especially Shikamaru and Temari, which are the GOLD standard, of what a good ship needs.

What I am complaining about though, is that, the series kind of uses this romance aspect as a shield, or excuse, to undermine the female characters, in the long run. Think about it, when was the last time when Sakura, in spite of all the grueling training she had to suffer through to become this strong in the first place, not wanting to be a hindrance to anyone, legitimately kicked ass, after killing Sasori? Not counting the war arc, because this arc is frankly, an inexcuseable mess, and Kishimoto should be ashamed of himself for making it suck this hard for how many asspulls this arc had. Nope, the moment Naruto goes berserk, and Sasuke just... appears... she is reduced to a whimpering mess, who can't stand on her own two feet, and has to be saved by someone. And this happens. ALL. THE. TIME. That's all that happens with her, sure, she heals countless ninjas during the war, but again, healing isn't the only specialty she got:

SHE IS A SHINOBI! SHINOBIS FIGHT! THEY DON'T JUST STAND AROUND LIKE IDIOTS, AND EXPOSING THEMSELVES TO ENEMY FIRE! GET! ON! WITH IT!

I swear, man, this just frustrates me beyond any reason, and the worst part, even someone as awesome as Hinata, who kicked so much ass in Part 1 (especially the filler arcs, don't get smart with me, I watched the anime, suck a small one on that), who had a whole, potential story arc hinted at with Neji, and the issues regarding their entire clan, was reduced to a simple Naruto #1 fangirl for the entire duration of Shippuden, not even the filler could salvage her in any way, and for someone like me, who relates to Hinata on a spiritual level, I find this just so damned pathetic. And whenever I watch The Last, all I could think about was this one coherent thought: You. Had. ONE JOB. Kishimoto. And you failed her. As a standalone character. Causing the entire movie to come off as if you were just shoehorning everything together, as if we only liked Hinata, because of the NaruHina ship. Well, newsflash, it couldn't be further from the truth. So, screw you, and the entire The Last movie.

Plus, I am sure I am speaking on everyone's behalf here: Anko Mitarashi and Tenten were done the MOST dirty by Kishimoto. Nuff' said.

On that note, that brings me to my next point:

2. The angry Karen housewife stereotype

I swear, this meme right here...

And Kushina's entire existence truly proves my point that, Kishimoto is really not doing himself any favors, whenever he says "I don't know how to write women". Oh, but then THIS is your answer? Is this how you see them all, the very second they get married and have kids?

So let me get this straight, the moment a woman, in the Naruto universe, gets married, has kids, and takes care of them, they become:

Aggressive, to the point of physically assaulting their own kids (Kushina definitely would have done so, let's not lie to ourselves, I love her, but this behavior of hers, combined with Sakura's general attitude towards Naruto, would have definitely made him suicidal after a while, if it weren't for the fact, he accepts it in his mom's case, because she doesn't know any better, considering her childhood)

Unpleasant to be around for their husbands (as if, we get guilt-tripped into thinking, the wives are the ones being selfish, wanting their lovers to be home with them, which, by the way, is a serious piece of shit way of thinking, because, they are married for a REASON, and not to stay apart all the time, THEY ARE FAMILY, at least, from how it gets painted as, in Boruto, from what I have seen so far)

Becoming total sociopaths, as if their genuine worries and concerns get painted as something so abnormal and "creepy"

...and this is how you see them all? THIS is your answer? Again, I know, we have ZERO evidence to prove that Kishimoto himself, is sexist in real life, it would be irresponsible of me to put that out there, because I just don't know the guy. I am just saying that, with how the housewives were all written thus far, and how, from Naruto's POV, he began having a fear of angry moms, calling them "scary", and how the females got seriously underrepresented in the course of the story...

...IT DOESN'T DO HIM ANY FAVORS.

I can't even believe I have to say this, because, newsflash, Kishimoto, and I will say it in caps: NOT ALL MOMS IN THE WORLD, ACT LIKE THIS!

They can get mad with us, they are fully in the right to whenever we do something stupid, no matter how old we get, because they will always view us as their babies that they cradled in their arms. But the problem here is: In Boruto, it gets painted as if the moms are the ones in the wrong here, just for being a tiny bit more concerned than others, because again, the world that they live in, is dangerous. And leaving the Otsu*redacted* aside, I can fully sympathize with them, so seeing someone like Boruto himself taking so many liberties being a spoiled, rotten brat, who never suffers serious repurcussions for his behavior (I know, he lost his headband for cheating, but for someone like him, who wished literal DEATH on his own father, just for him not being around enough, needed a way harsher punishment, you just don't say that your parents, dude, this doesn't take a genius to understand, especially since this is Naruto and Hinata we are talking about her), once again, it undermines the females, as if the kids ALWAYS "know better", and they "just suck, because moms are scary". Fuck off. Seriously. This is just disrespectful. No excuses. It shouldn't be written this way. Even more so, because the POV of the mothers gets never tackled, making this seem one-sided.

3. A few romances fall back on tropes, that disrespect not only the girls, but also the guys

OK, I will probably get some flack for saying this, but, regardless of the explainations in one of the Retsuden mangas, the InoSai ship, is perfectly encapsulating to me, how the romance in Naruto isn't without its flaws, and it mostly stems from how some of the characters just never get the privilege of gaining their own story sections about their own individual struggles as standalone characters.

I AM LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU, CHOJI AND KARUI! THEIR ROMANCE IS SO OUT OF LEFT FIELD, IT'S NOT EVEN WORTH JOKING ABOUT, EXCEPT, IT'S LITERALLY A JOKE, DUE TO THEIR NAMES BEING POLAR OPPOSITES TO ONE ANOTHER. HA. HA. HA.

Personally, to me, Sai is not that interesting of a character to me, I was never able to connect with him in any way, despite the importance he had in the story, alluding to the ROOT Anbu under Danzo's leadership.

But his "romance" with Ino, was seriously pushing it to me, not only because, it just regresses Ino's entire character, pushing her back into this mold that she is only interested in brooding, mentally ill edgelords like Sasuke, which paints her a shallow person, but it just paints Sai himself, as a stand-in for Sasuke, too, which undermines his own character, unintentionally. There are so many things wrong with their overall dynamic, I can't even put it properly into words.

And don't think, InoSai are the only exception to this rule. As much as it pains me to say this, NaruHina and SasuSaku are also affected by this, not as severe, but it's still pretty noticeable.

NaruHina

The fact that, with NaruHina, we needed an entire freaking movie, which, frankly, should have never happened, had they done a better job at utilizing Hinata as her own character, with Naruto present to help her out with her clan, and it all hinged on Naruto himself regressing as a character too, needing to be put in a fucking Genjutsu, just to see how he "truly felt" about Hinata... I am sorry, what is this? I mean, from a writing standpoint, this is just straight-up BAD. It's clichéd, it's painting Hinata as a damsel in distress, needing to be saved by Naruto, and Naruto himself being pardoned with "he is just dense", and overall, you can really tell, this is all just hamfisted into a single movie, because they needed to desperately convince us: Look, this is a thing. They are together now. Now play the emotional music, because that's all it needs.

Listen, I know Naruto never had a clear grasp on his own emotions, but the overall pay-off, to me, is just not there, no matter how hard I try. It just feels hollow, I don't feel happy with this. Because, for this to ship to work, they had to go through all these extra lengths to regress them both first, as individual characters, just so they can shut the lid on the whole thing. Made even worse by how this confession of Hinata during the Pain Invasion arc, was never brought up again to Naruto, until the freaking movie, and I still don't understand why. I know he didn't "ignore" her, but why does he fail to recognize Hinata's love confession, but the moment Sakura drops by to confess to him, too, he immediately calls it BS? Please. Make it make sense.

SasuSaku

Listen, nothing will stop me from loving these two as one, they deserve the peace amongst themselves, but the problem is, like InoSai, it falls back on the trope of, the girl bearing this mindset of "I can fix him", and while Sakura certainly did succeed... hear me out:

This is a purely universal thing now, this isn't just applying to SasuSaku. Otherwise, both ships have a solid foundation, ruined by shit writing. Nothing else to say.

That moment of Ino crying for Sasuke, really made me realize: Kishimoto really is clueless, not just about women, but men, too.

Because, again, for how often some of the girls bore this mindset of "I need me some brooding hunk of meat", essentially, desiring a man that knowingly treats them like crap, just so they can bear the delusion of "I can fix him", while downplaying and belittling the "uncool" guys like Choji, Rock Lee, or hell, even Naruto or Kiba, guys who, for the most part, have a solid grasp on their moral compass and their self-worth, denouncing their advances with "ew, no", is honestly disgusting to me. Like, come on, man, they aren't as cool as the edgelord teammates, but why downplay them so hard in the presence of the girls? Don't they deserve love too? Why belittle them for their eccentricities, it not only paints the girls in a bad light, but it straight up mocks the male "goofball" teammates for being the way they are. In short: NO ONE IS THE WINNER HERE.

Phew, OK, I hope, I made my point, loud and clear now. Because these points have been bothering me for a VERY long time now, and look, correct me if I am wrong. I am never 100% foolproof, so if I left out anything, feel free to correct me.

I needed to vent about this, because I felt so genuinely pissed off for how underpowered and underepresented the girls are, and how unkind and unforgiving the writing was to them, overall.

Peace.

[jalluzas-ferney]

Cole wasnt “changed” to be gay. He never was STRAIGHT in the first place.

and hell- whi says he’s strictly gay now? Cole could like girls as well for all we know 🤷‍♀️ uk like, be a Bi king or smth.

The thing is, just like people are used to seeing characters from books as white as a default until stated otherwise, just because they’re so used to it, this happens with straightness as well.

People are will BEG and SWEAR that a character is straight just because they were never outright stated to be otherwise. And emphasis on “outright stated” because even when there is coding, hinting or just blatant portrayal of it, people will still deny that that certain character is queer because it’s not like they canonically turned to the camera and told the audience that “I AM NOT STRAIGHT.”

But to them, even if the character rarely showed any interest in the opposite gender or ever really talked ab their attraction, the character is just automatically straight. It’s just inherent. Of course they’re straight.

And you know what? Even if the character does, who said Bi people don’t exist? I have a lot of Bi friends and a family member that either are bi or are dating a bi person, and their attraction towards the opposite gender has never invalidated their attraction towards the same if gender non-conforming.

And even then, a lot of gay men or lesbians have struggled with comp-het in the past, reuniting them in having tried to date or even marry people from the opposite gender only to then realize they never truly were straight, and were just compulsively trying to conform or believe that they are straight because again, straightness has always been seen as the status quo. As the normal thing to be. The default.

And this isn’t me saying that “the writers were writing Cole as a dude with comp-het this whole time” or smth because I don’t know that. And while I could theorize that I don’t think the writers really were thinking about implementing compulsive heterosexuality into this silly Lego show.

But just like I can’t assure that Cole canonically has suffered from comp-het or that he is gay and not Bi or hell he could be asexual or smth while being gay WHO KNOWS-but just like we can’t exactly assure that he is exactly one of those labels, people cannot come here and act like Cole was ever REALLY canonically straight. Hell. You could even say None of the characters of the show are STRAIGHT because who said they were? You can def interpret them as straight! But why do people insist on acting as if portraying Cole as having a male character a romantic interest as them CHANGING him as if he really ever WAS straight?

No one acts that when a character is straight that it was a huge betrayal or smth because the character was “OBVIOUSLY” gay by default. No. People just see it as normal and move on because that has always been the status quo.

Because this is a heteronormative society as much as people try to act as if making a character gay is “appealing to the world and the general public” as if straight people are suddenly oppressed. Hetero friends of mine or my family will always automatically assume I’m straight because that’s the norm to them. People will always assume someone it het or cis unless outright stated otherwise.

And if you can’t tell what’s wrong with that…

…

And you know what? Get all pissed off about it. Complain. Make petition for “saving your boy Cole” (save him from what exactly? It’s not like Christianity exists in Ninjago so yall can scratch hell out of the list at least) the season was made. The character of Geo was made. The scenes where Geo fantasized about Cole being awesome and handsome were made. Scenes where Cole and geo talk about needing each other were made. Scenes where geo and Cole hold hands and look at each other all lovey dovey were made. None of that bigoted complaining is going to change that. Theyre not going back and deleting those scenes and they’re not suddenly gonna write Geo and Cole in completely different way from what they were written before. Womp. WOMP.

[ladykailitha]

Around the World Part 6

Hello! And welcome to another chapter of this very underrated fic. Thank you to everyone who has given it love in the way of comments, reblogs/tags, and likes.

It's London calling! And we meet a Murray Bauman in the wild. Eddie and Steve get a little introspective and Steve does something rash.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

~

Their trip through the haunting and beautiful Ireland was amazing. So many tales and history. This is why Steve wanted to do more than just America like Eddie had originally wanted, because America just didn’t have the history Europe and other places did. Not unless you wanted to disturb actual First Nation people and that was something he wanted to avoid at all cost, thank you.

They were on the ferry from Northern Ireland to Scotland and Steve was looking out over his shoulder at the water as he leaned against the guardrail. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, allowing the wind to blow through his hair.

Eddie slid his arm around him and Steve laid his head on his shoulder.

Today Eddie had his beard and faux-dreadlocks in a light blue button up shirt and cream colored wide-legged pants. His chunky sunglasses covered the his face.

“You know,” Eddie murmured, “until we reached this leg of our journey and you started to disguise me, I didn’t realize how much I missed just being Eddie Munson, regular guy. I can really see the appeal of you and friends’ way of doing it.”

“Yeah,” Steve said softly. “Of course it means that we can’t go all out and buy everything we want, stay in fancy hotels, show up at restaurants without a reservation and get in. But I can go into my local grocery store and buy two tubs of mint ice cream because I felt like it.” He lifted his head to look Eddie in the eye. “Like some Karen would judge me, but it’s not going to go up on TMZ that I’m letting myself go.”

God, Eddie had had that happen more times than he cared to count. Like once Chrissy was on her period and he went to go get her chocolate, Ben and Jerry’s, and pads. Before he even got to his car it was all over the internet that he was letting himself go, just because it was 2am and his best friend needed something to help her feel better.

“You think you’ll ever come out?” he asked, pulling Steve in closer.

It was a familiar and well-worn topic of theirs; whether or not Steve would ever come out as bisexual at least.

He ducked his head and looked away. He didn’t know. He didn’t like hiding parts of himself for those he loved. He would like to tell people this is the love of my life.

“Would you leave me if I said no?” he mumbled, not daring to look up.

Eddie placed his finger under Steve’s chin and lifted his head gently. “Of course not, Stevie. There are literal actors who have been married for years and no one knows. It’s just between them. We could do that too. Just a quiet ceremony, Robin and Chrissy as the witnesses, and a justice of the peace.”

Steve let out a weak sort of watery laugh and shook his head. “I want all our friends there, famous and otherwise. I want a full tilt party with music playing into the early hours of the morning. I want fancy tuxes and flowers galore. I know I might not get that, the absolute coward that I am. But if I marry you, it be to scream from the rooftops that I love you.”

Eddie bumped their shoulders together. “Softy.” Steve blushed. “Besides there is nothing in the world that says we can’t have it both ways. Have a quiet little ‘just us’ and then go full tilt when you come out. You don’t even have to tell anyone. Just a little comfort that I’m not going anywhere.”

Steve pressed a gentle kiss to Eddie’s cheek. “I’ll think about it.”

Eddie kissed him deeply and then tucked his head under his chin and they stayed like that until the ferry docked in Scotland.

~

God, Scotland and England were beautiful countries Eddie decided as he watched the rolling green hills from his train window. That was another thing he really liked about Europe in general, just all the different ways to travel that weren’t a car.

He looked over at Steve who had his glasses on and reading a book. He smiled at the title. His boyfriend wasn’t a fantasy fan or science fiction either, really, but put a clever mystery in his hands and you would have to pry to the book from his cold, dead fingers.

He glanced over at Chrissy and Robin who were playing Go Fish! They had asked him if he wanted to join them, but he passed. He rarely got time to just relax and watch the scenery go by when he was on tour. He was always doing something related to the band. Writing music, practicing, talking about the next venue, interview, or TV spot.

Him and his friends had fun, because of course they did. But it was nice to just let his mind wander. Currently he was sad that they were going to have to miss Wales this time. He really wanted to buy some Welsh gold jewelry. It’s super rare and absolutely gorgeous.

Maybe he would have to come back later and get something special for Steve. Just something simple like matching bands even if it wasn’t on the left hand. Or necklaces. Just something simple to prove they were it for each other.

“I made an appointment with a well-known tattoo artist in London,” Steve said nonchalant, but like he was reading Eddie’s thoughts.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to Steve. Robin nearly giving herself whiplash in her speed.

“As your friend, manager, and platonic soulmate,” she said darkly, “I advise against that. You can cover it up but someone, somewhere will see it.”

Steve looked up from his book and leveled her with his best bitchy glare. “Not if it’s on my ass.”

Chrissy and Eddie’s eyebrows shot up and they shared a shocked glance. Eddie always loved tattoos, he had a couple of stick and poke style ones from when he was young and stupid and couldn’t afford to pay for an artist to do the job, but there was one place, well technically two if you included his dick, which he absolutely did, that he refused to get a tattoo on and that was his ass. Not being able to sit down properly for what would probably be weeks was not his idea of a good time.

“Not really, though, right?” Chrissy asked with a grimace.

Steve took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Of course not really. Sheesh, you guys. But I hid fucking hickies from the both of you for a year and you never noticed, so I’m pretty sure I can hide one fucking tattoo.”

Robin and Chrissy shared their little ‘manager’ glance and Chrissy folded first.

“You’re right, Steve,” she said calmly. “Not once did you forget or slip up and you should be applauded for that. But is there a reason you’re deciding to get a tattoo now instead of waiting until we’re back in the States and you can use Eddie’s personal artist?”

He looked over at Robin and their little telepathy thing went off again and this time Robin folded first.

“It’s for Eddie,” she murmured. “They can’t be out as a couple and with Steve being the romantic that he is, wouldn’t want to get married without all his friends there, so this is his way of telling Eddie he isn’t going anywhere either.”

Eddie blinked for a moment. “Do you think they take walk-ins?”

“I booked it for both of us.” Steve smiled at him and took his hand. Eddie beamed back at him.

“They are so disgustingly cute,” Robin huffed, crossing her arms. “I bet Steve has this really sweet idea for a tattoo that even if people do notice it they won’t be able to tell the meaning but he and Eddie will know and be so sickeningly precious about it.”

Eddie gave him a huge kiss on the cheek. “I love my super clever boyfriend and can’t wait to see what this brilliant plan is.”

~

Steve’s brilliant plan was half of a white mask on Eddie’s inner wrist and half of guitar on Steve’s and when they held hands it formed almost heart.

The tattoo artist was really impressed with the idea and was more than happy to implement it. Steve walked out of there, completely smug as Chrissy pointed out. Deservedly so.

They were to stay in London for three days because of all the haunted places in London alone, there were so many worth visiting. They were going to start at Jack the Ripper tour and move onto the tour of London.

The tour they learned with deep dismay had accidentally been scheduled at 2pm and not 2am like Eddie had thought it said. It was so boring and their tour guide so dull, Eddie accidentally tripped of one of those concrete pillars they had in the middle of the sidewalk to prevent cars from driving up on it.

“Oof!” Eddie wheezed as he straightened up. “Why do they even put those things here?”

“Chrissy Cunningham,” a nasally voice said from behind them. “What are you doing in my neck of the woods?”

They all turned slowly to see a weaselly little bald man with thick horn-rimmed glass.

“Holy shit,” Chrissy said slowly. “Murray Bauman, as I live and breath. What the hell are you doing in London?”

He shrugged. “Eking out a living doing tours for bored tourists. When the biggest metal band in the world drops you, so does everyone else.”

Chrissy and Eddie shared a grimace. Corroded Coffin had deliberately did that to Nancy after the shit she pulled with Steve and trying to be The Fallen’s agent. But this one was a complete accident.

“Oh fuck off,” Robin said with a grin. “You love it. I can tell. You have actual notes written down, you have a map marked with all the spots the murders take place. I bet you have all the great stories.”

Murray flushed and cocked his head to the side. “I mean I didn’t want to brag. But yeah, certainly better than Molly over there.” He jutted his thumb at their tour guide. “Most of the good ones are from tour companies and then you get people like Molly who make it look legit online and trick people into taking day tours.”

“God, I was so bored,” Eddie huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets, “I felt jet lagged.”

Murray’s eyes instantly narrowed and cocked his head to the side and instantly everyone else tensed up. He took in their reactions and mimed zipping his mouth shut.

“I’ll tell you what,” he said, “if you’re still in town tomorrow, meet me here at 9pm and I’ll give you a proper tour.”

Chrissy licked her lips slowly. “Or what?”

“Huh?” He was confused for a moment before he smacked his forehead. “Oh! No, no. I’m not going to blackmail you. Holy shit. If people want to enjoy a vacation without all the publicity, good on them.” He looked Eddie up and down. “Looks good on you kid.”

Eddie was suddenly glad for the large sunglasses and beard because it hid the blush on his cheeks.

“No, I’m just saying,” Murray continued, “that if you wanted to experience a proper Jack the Ripper tour, I’m willing to do it. I don’t have a tour currently booked and beside I like her.” He pointed at Robin, who grinned back him.

The four them all shared glances at each other.

“I’m down,” Steve said with a shrug. “If you’re as good as you say you are and aren’t trying to actively ‘get back’ at Chrissy for taking your job, I know I’d be interested in seeing what Whitechapel has to offer after dark.”

“I like him too,” Murray said brightly, rubbing his hands together. “So what do the rest of you say?”

“Aye, aye, Captain!” Steve’s three menaces said together.

He just smiled fondly and shook his head.

~

Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Tag List: CLOSED

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10- @sadisticaltarts @urkadop @chameleonhair @clockworkballerina

[daddyfordaeddy]

Pairing: husband! Mingi x f! Reader x other man! Hongjoong (both fxm and mxm)

Word Count: 1662

Warnings: cursing, none otherwise (smut warnings under cut)

Genre: smut, fluff, rated E for explicit, established relationship au

Summary: Your second man is coming over for a night of passion, and your husband would like to attend

Smut warnings: fingering, oral (male receiving), unprotected (dont do *gun emoji), creampie, some cum play, light breast play, marking, dirty talk, degredation, masturbation, cuckolding, if i missed any lmk!

Look, i know i said time god san was the last of February Filth Fest but cuckolding just appealed to me SO MUCH AHHHH!!! especially with these two! so this is frfr my last one, track 27 - cuckolding <3 hope u enjoy!

and thank u to @sanjoongie for some inspo hehe

-

As you step out of the shower, you can hear Mingi practically stomping up the stairs two steps at a time, and you roll your eyes affectionately even though he can’t see it. He probably got home from work while you were in the middle of showering and just decided to wait around for you. You can’t tell whether it’s adorable or hilarious that he insists on greeting you being the first thing he does when he gets home. Maybe it’s both.

“Hey, baby!” Mingi pokes his head around the corner right as you tuck the towel around you. “How was your day?”

“Same old same old.” You open your arms for a hug, Mingi swooping right in, not minding your wet hair. “What are you up to?”

You get your answer as his hands trail down your body, cupping the curve of your ass. “You, hopefully?” Your husband’s voice lilts upwards but you shake your head and step away.

“Sorry, baby, Hongjoong’s coming around today. His face falls but his eyes sparkle with a question in them and you chuckle, leaning forward to brush your nose against his. “As usual, you’re welcome to watch. Or I could just send you pictures of the aftermath you’ll never get to touch.”

You can feel his hard-on pressing into your bare hip, and Mingi nods eagerly. “I’ll watch,” he decides without really deciding. Your big dumb husband who would do anything just for you. You press a sweet kiss to his cheek, patting the soft flesh afterwards.

“He’ll be here in ten. Why don’t you go get comfortable while I get ready, okay? Be good for me.”

In his haste, Mingi almost runs straight into the doorframe and you hold back your laughter as you turn back to the mirror to finish drying your hair and start applying your makeup.

-

Hongjoong’s mouth is hungry on yours as he practically swallows each breath you sigh out. His hands are wandering up and down your sides, pinching and pulling at the soft flesh of your breasts. Little whimpers are falling from your mouth but he eats them up like it’s his dinner.

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Mingi stiff in his desk chair, hand gripping the large bulge in his pants like a horny schoolboy watching porn for the first time. You love him, and how sweet he is, but you sometimes need something just…more. Something Hongjoong fulfils for you.

With his teeth sinking into your neck, Hongjoong draws your attention back to him. “Eyes on me, baby,” he hums, honey dripping from his mouth although his actions are not nearly as sweet. “I’ll fuck you better than he ever could. Big dick and frame, and can hardly use it, hm?”

You moan at his words, and you just know Mingi is getting harder with every sound that leaves either of your mouths. Without warning, Hongjoong shoves two fingers deep inside of your mouth, revelling in the way you had and throws your head back in pleasure. “Shit,” you moan out around his fingers as Hongjoong nips his way down your neck, taking great pleasure in marking you up in front of your watching husband.

As his mouth trails over your breasts, his other hand slips into your panties, pressing against your already-throbbing clit and you squeal at the contact. “Look at you, so needy for me,” Hongjoong growls into your soft flesh. “Mr Song really doesn’t please you enough, hm? You need me to fill the gaps when all he can do is whisper pretty words into your ears and fuck you slow and sweet.”

His voice is still like a dove’s but the words he’s hissing into you aren’t. “Please,” you beg, all feelings of shame are long gone and all you want is more, more, more. “Fuck, please give me more.”

Hongjoong giggles high-pitched, his hard-on pressing into your hip and grinding slightly into the soft fabric of your dress. He likes it best when you dress up nice just to get wrecked, and it only serves to make him harder rutting up against your evening wear. “Already begging for me, huh? Bet I could slide right into your sloppy pussy, Mingi stretching you out just fine but can’t do anything else, huh? Shall we test that theory?”

You barely even noticed how he already had your dress scrunched up on your stomach and your panties around your knees until his fingers ghosted over your core, making you whine. Hongjoong pulls out his thick cock from the tight confines of his sweats, pressing the tip into you, making you whine at the feeling of the burning hot head entering your eager hole.

You moan again and you can practically imagine the way Mingi eyes you swallowing Hongjoong’s cock with your pussy, pouting in the way that drew you to him in the first place. Any and all thoughts of your husband are soon blown straight out of your mind, however, as soon as Hongjoong bottoms out in one swift motion, filling you up so well and hitting that perfect spot inside of you.

Your whines rise in pitch as he immediately starts jackhammering into you, his fingers moving nonstop on your breasts, kneading and massaging them as he mouths at your nipples. “Fuck, Joong,” his name falls from your lips easily, “you’re so good for me.”

You can’t seem to stop singing his praises, and Hongjoong chuckles, eyes trained in on your face as he bites marks into your neck with wild abandon. He laves his tongue over each bruise blooming over your skin, whispering sweet nothings into your ear as his hips create a rhythm. If you focus, you can barely hear Mingi stroking his cock over the slick sounds of your cunt sucking Hongjoong deeper and deeper into you.

Your hands scrabble to find purchase as one of Hongjoong’s hands wanders down to rub at your clit, pinching and pulling at the sensitive bud. “Ah–” You don’t even think you’re making any sort of discernable sound but it hardly seems to matter when Hongjoong’s fucking you so well.

“Mingi.” Hongjoong’s sharp voice cuts through the haze filling your mind, and you turn to see Mingi’s wide eyes staring at Hongjoong like he holds some type of power over the taller man. “Do you want to come closer?”

Mingi nods frantically without inhibitions, desperate for anything. “Come here, baby,” you call for him, voice wrecked just from how well Hongjoong made you feel. “No touching, okay?”

Hongjoong has slowed to careful, precise thrusts as he pulls Mingi closer by the belt loops of his jeans. The difference between your calm demeanour and Hongjoong’s harsh attitude towards your husband only serves to make his cock somehow redder and harder. As he looks up at your husband, Hongjoong’s lips pull into a killer smirk. “Should I teach you how to use your big, dumb cock? But we all know it’ll still never be enough for your wife.”

Mingi’s dick jumps at Hongjoong’s words and he whines low in his throat. It’s confirmation enough for Hongjoong, who leans down to take just the tip into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the velvet head and dipping into the slit. Mingi gasps, the veins in his neck popping out as it takes all his willpower not to come right then and there.

Hongjoong’s other hand leaves your breast to fondle Mingi’s balls and he pops off with a crazed grin. “Already gonna blow so soon? This is why you can’t please (Y/N) enough. Always busting a nut early and leaving her with nothing. Why else do you think I’m here, huh? Do what your big, dumb, cock can’t. I may be smaller than you, but she surely prefers me.”

Mingi’s cock twitches again, and before he can burst, Hongjoong dips his head again, sheathing the entire length into his mouth and Mingi comes, shooting ropes upon ropes of searing cum into Hongjoong’s mouth.

Hongjoong doesn’t stop stroking Mingi until every last drop is milked, and then he dips his head and lets the come dribble out onto your pussy, his cock pushing Mingi’s cum into your pulsing cunt. “See, there you go, Mingi,” Hongjoong says, his tone so condescending but it only serves to make your brain even fuzzier, “it’s your come, but I’ll do all the work for you. Since you clearly can’t do it yourself.”

You grab at Hongjoong’s hand, whining loudly, and he looks at you in surprise. “More,” you whine, the only thing on your mind is your release.

With a knowing look, Hongjoong says nothing and returns to pounding you into the mattress, your high getting closer and closer until it finally breaks and crashes over you like wave after wave. “Fuck,” you cry out, head thrown back as your legs shake and your cunt flutters around Hongjoong’s cock. It seems to be the only word you can pronounce, repeating it over and over until you can feel your mind clearing up. Your body feels so heavy on the mattress and you feel like you could just sink into it.

Warm hands roam their way up your torso to your face, and Hongjoong’s face pokes into your line of vision as he peppers kisses on your cheeks. “Good?” he asks, and you nod hazily.

“Good.”

You reach out your arms, and as usual, both Hongjoong and Mingi fall into them, wrapping their bodies around you. “I still gotta clean you up, you know,” Hongjoong hums but you whine and just pull them closer.

“Not yet. I wanna lie down.”

Mingi chuckles into your ear. “You’ve been lying down since we started, baby. You’re such a pillow princess.”

You make a face at him. “Brave words from someone who came from someone kissing their dick. Now shut up and give me a kiss.”

With another laugh, both your men acquiesce and your heart fills with warmth.

-

@cultofdionysusnet

[sepublic]

Everyone jokes that Pit is the unpaid intern who depends on tips to survive, but in a way, Palutena is also that amidst the godly pantheon; So it's fitting her personal champion reflects those same frustrations. Because if you think about it, Palutena is the only god actually trying to do her job in maintaining the celestial balance and helping humanity, and without really asking for anything?

You have Medusa, Pandora, Thanatos, Hades, and Pyrrhon, whom are all self-explanatory. You have Dyntos, who is neutral and does lean towards the greater good every now and then; But his general inaction is still enabling, and Palutena is scared of him for a reason.

We have Poseidon, who actually DOES help Palutena, but also admitted to wiping out a bunch of humans casually, and otherwise doesn't do anything else to participate. And while Viridi does try to maintain the balance of nature, she also massacred countless humans and contributed to the chaos that attracted the Aurum. And humans are a part of nature themselves, too!!!

And it's interesting because Palutena doesn't seem to demand anything in return; It seems she really is doing this out of the goodness of her heart, more or less. She does have her issues and occasional petty condescension towards humans, but otherwise Palutena's the only member of the pantheon committed to keeping things together. And while humans do sometimes praise and worship Palutena, it seems that she'd help them anyway even if she didn't; She calls Magnus a jerk but that's really it.

That ties into how sometimes, Palutena does admit that she feels pressured and overwhelmed with her duty, and the way she thanks Pit for insisting she does a great job in Chapter 4 kinda feels like... Well, maybe she's fishing for compliments sometimes, because Palutena could genuinely use the validation and it's lonely. This is also why she admits she's honored that Hades knows who Palutena is, because Hades is presumably a big deal in the pantheon, and I think Palutena craves validation, as much as she wants to be pure and selfless about her work; She does genuinely care too, these two things aren't mutually exclusive.

There's the Chaos Kin arc, and while Palutena's possibly just saying she's sick of doing the dirty work for humanity because the Chaos Kin makes her... There could be a hint of truth, just how Dark Pit reflects the truth in Pit's heart; Again, parallels between Goddess and Angel. She admits she's tired of constantly having to protect and take care of the humans, which is like Pittoo being frustrated with doing Palutena's dirty work.

Which then gets me to another point; Pit being a reflection of Palutena's light, because I can kinda see her venting her frustration through him? If Palutena feels beleaguered as the only goddess protecting humanity and the world in general, then she might really appreciate having a devoted angel with infinite energy, who will jump to any task for her. Which makes Pit a way for Palutena to treat herself, let someone help her handle the load, etc.

But there is a darker side, with how Palutena will sometimes demean Pit, even appealing to Viridi and Hades in Chapter 15 this way; It kinda reminds me of people who are bullied, only to turn the bullying towards someone else and participating in that so they can be part of the in-group, not be laughed at themselves, etc. Plus her shutting down Pit's disagreement with "Are you the goddess here?" Especially since she might feel that she deserves more respect for her work, and isn't always given that by those 'below' her (AKA humans, usually). It feels good to at least take pride in what Palutena DOES have, right?

And that's Palutena dropping her filter around her own 'Palutena' because admittedly, Pit is in a subordinate position to her. And I guess it feels good, deep down, to be the one letting someone else handle the work, and exercising that power over them because Pit is someone Palutena can get away with being unpleasant around. Part of that is trust, because Palutena feels comfortable being herself, expressing her own insecurities and true feelings.

But the other part is expression frustration at someone who won't talk back, who Palutena doesn't have to worry about holding up an image towards; With other gods it's obvious, and to humans, she has to be their perfect, noble paragon of virtue. In the end, it reminds me of how some people tired with their jobs might take it out on their assistants, or others who are below them, to feel like they're the ones in control and who are being asked for recognition from.

That ironically leads to Pit's own latent frustrations with Palutena, which is furthered by him being unable to fly on his own. And that manifests as Dark Pit. And then Palutena's frustrations manifest through the Chaos Kin's manipulation of her. Imagine if Pseudo-Palutena returned in a sequel to genuinely be the Pittoo to Palutena's Pit, lol. Although her dialogue paints her as more of a mad religious fanatic than someone secretly tired of that work.

In the end, I wonder how much of this has to do with Medusa's betrayal; In the original NES manual, it's mentioned that Palutena and Medusa both ruled together, they're two sides of the same coin, Light and Darkness. But when Medusa neglected her own duties to attack humanity, that forced Palutena to exile her into the Underworld, which basically left her working double, perhaps. Again, like how Pit has to often do all of the work, despite there being centurions who can come back from the dead like he does.

In Pit's case, this comes from a fierce loyalty and protective attitude towards those he cares about; He's a good friend always there for others who wouldn't dare to ask anything of them, but that wears him out ragged. In the case of Palutena, she had to lose that option entirely when Medusa went on a rampage; But shortly afterwards, Pit rescued her and became Palutena's champion.

So Pit has a lot of work dumped on him, and maybe that's because he's essentially taking over Medusa's duties in being someone who works directly alongside Palutena to maintain balance. That could make him a fun parallel to Medusa in a way. And maybe Pit is aware of this, adding to his refusal to ever question or betray the Goddess of Light, because he knows she's already been hurt and is also doing more work than she's supposed to. His loyalty comes out of empathy and compassion towards someone he can tell really needs it.

But that selflessness can be self-destructive, because Pit will forget to consider what he's getting in return, and that gives us Pittoo, whose selfishness is framed as not inherently bad, and even good for him. But Palutena does care for Pit in return, in big and little ways, such as preparing a cold drink for him after Chapter 10. She cares a lot for Pit too, she'll cook a delicious vegetable stew for him!

You know if Medusa returns in a sequel, I'd like to know more about her and Palutena's falling-out, if there was actually anything more to it than just "Medusa looks down on humanity." After the Chaos arc, I could see her insinuating to Pit that Palutena will betray him for real, just as she did her... Only for Pit to redo that same speech about how Medusa is an unprompted murderer of helpless innocents, ya dingus.

TL;DR Palutena is the only goddess doing her job and it's exhausting and she takes it out on her secretary who is also in the exact same position, ironically.

[nebulousbrainsoup]

Silk & Spice [Teaser]

SUMMARY: You're here to forget your worries, and who better to help you than not just one but two beautiful men? Here's hoping you haven't bit off more than you can chew. PAIRING: incubi!jihan x fem!reader GENRE: smut (none this teaser), suggestive AU/TROPE: demon au WORD COUNT: 548 this teaser WARNINGS: party setting, evil twins evil twinning RATING: mature A/N: happy birthday to shua! i'd love to be posting the full version of this today, but my winter collabs have taken over my life. so here's a little teaser from the standalone prequel to the rest of the demonteen universe featured in my halloween mini collab with @justhere4kpop. huge shout out to @hobeemin for the banner and dividers <3 i am in love with them masterlist | join my taglist | buy me a coffee?

Your overly carefree attitude was what drew Joshua toward you in the first place, a hint of something sour lacing your otherwise pleasant scent. It was a front, clearly; one he fully intended to break through. He flashed a smirk over his shoulder as he dropped Jeonghan’s hand and carefully sidled up next to you, his brother following suit on your other side. Your eyes blinked open as your arm brushed against the elder, startling and stumbling back into Joshua’s chest. He reached a careful hand out to steady you, meeting your wide, doe-eyed stare with a soft smile.

“I’m so sorry, we didn’t mean to startle you,” he called over the music, holding his hands up in a peaceful gesture once you were steady. “You just looked like you were having so much fun, we were hoping we could join you.”

Your eyes narrowed warily, and Jeonghan flashed a smirk from over your shoulder, cocking an eyebrow at him in challenge. The look was gone quickly as you turned, letting your eyes drag over him before you returned it to Joshua, giving him the same treatment. On any normal night, you’d scoff and turn them away without a second thought. With your recent rejection fresh in your mind, though, the prospect of a night spent with one or both of the gorgeous men beside you was a very appealing one. Their presence was intoxicating already, and you felt yourself leaning subconsciously into them. Slowly, the tension in your body eased, a smirk spreading over your features.

“I don’t see why not.”

Joshua grinned, taking half a step closer to you as he finally let his gaze rake over your body. “Fantastic,” he practically purred, a glint of something mischievous in his eyes. “I’m Joshua, by the way.”

Before you could return his greeting, you were cut off, his friend’s arms settling loosely on your hips as he settled behind you. “Jeonghan,” he muttered, his breath sending a shudder down your spine. 

“Y/N,” you breathed, leaning back into him. “I’m Y/N. I take it you two are a package deal?”

They both chuckled to themselves as Joshua slotted himself in front of you, taking your hands and settling them on his shoulders. “You don’t seem too bothered by that.”

You hummed, shaking your head as you let yourself melt between the pair, the warmth of their bodies wrapping around you to dull the noise of the party. “Bothered? No. Curious, yes,” you hummed, reaching up to card a hand into Joshua’s hair. “Why do you need little ol’ me when you’ve got each other?” 

To your surprise, the quieter man behind you barked a laugh, his grip tightening on your hips. “You misunderstand, lovely. We’re not interested in one another. We just happen to have similar tastes.” You grinned, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. The darkness in his gaze sent a shudder down your spine. “And a penchant for competition.”

Breath catching in your throat, you turned your startled gaze back to the man in front of you. He wore a similar expression to his friend as he pressed further into your space, sandwiching you between them. “What do you say, darling? Care to find out who can please you better?”

© December 2023 nebulousbrainsoup | all rights reserved. reposting and translating of author’s work is prohibited.