#otherwise I would show that function.... lolol

[meownotgood]

he wishes to hold your cable snugly. will you let him?

[fearoftheunwanted]

#4 01/23/2022

Alright alright so I know it’s been a while, that’s my b. 

I’ve been pretty down lately. Holidays are tough for me, but they’re over and I’m trying to do this “functioning human” shit again.

As has the average human lately, I’ve been obsessed with Encanto. I’ve watched it 7 times now, which I know others have watched it more, but that for me is a lot of times to watch a movie within about a 2 week span.

It makes me happy.

But it makes me sad too, of course. *Obviously spoiler alerts if you haven’t already seen it, in which case, quit slacking! Lolol* Mirabel feeling like an outsider in her family for not having a gift. Her wishing for a chance to prove herself. 

Obviously my situation is a bit different, since I’m not lacking a gift, I’m literally lacking the genes to belong in my family. 

The feelings that this movie has brought up has made me want to write about what I would consider one of the worst and weirdest days of my life.

The day I met my biological father and his side of the family.

So, just as a quick background story to this story. I’ve lived in Tennessee for about 13 years, but am from Michigan. Most of my family still lives in MI, including my bio father and his family. Which actually, during this trip I realized that I grew up for the first like 10 years of my life within about 5 miles from where he lived. Which was insane to learn. 

But anyway, I was going up to Michigan in October of 2020 for a very small wedding, my cousin’s wedding. Which was absolutely breathtakingly gorgeous. 

Anyway, my sister who is actually just one of the foster kids my parents had a long time before me, who’s just remained a part of the family. She’s I think somewhere around 40? I honestly don’t even know. My sister who, in the weeks leading up to my coming to visit, called me and talked about how excited she was to see me and that it was going to be like a sleepover and she just couldn’t wait. I hadn’t seen her since my other sister’s wedding in summer of 2015. From the adults in my family, I’ve never experienced such…eagerness to see me, to be around me, to know me. It’s something I get hung up on all the time, I’ll just sit and think about it and it’ll bring tears to my eyes. Welling up just writing about it.

So I was staying with her for a few days before going to the wedding, and I took this opportunity to message my bio on Facebook, and tell him that I’d be visiting if he wanted to meet. Which he acted excited about. We made plans to have like a little cookout at his house with his side of the family. My sister had been trying to ask me how I felt about going to do that and I just didn’t really have much to say, I was excited, nervous, terrified. I had talked about it with my old therapist right before going and told her I was scared it wouldn’t be everything I hoped it to be.

I pulled up to the house that day, and I saw him. He was standing over by a car parked in his yard with his oldest son, and someone I didn’t recognize. I sat in my car for a minute watching them, they weren’t noticing me. I shakily got out of my car, and stood there for a minute and they still weren’t seeing me. I literally wanted to jump back into my car and speed the fuck out of there. I was embarrassed. Then I can’t remember who saw me first but they came over and I think my bio hugged me? I can’t remember exactly. But slowly more family started showing up, more of his kids, their kids. His sister maybe? Some woman I knew from Facebook but didn’t actually know the exact relation between them.

So, at this point I’m thoroughly awkward and kind of standing alone at the back of the aforementioned car. It was kind of like… Have you ever been invited to a party by a friend, but you don’t know anyone else at that party, and then that friend ditches you? But for whatever reason, you can’t just leave. So you kind of pick a spot and stay there, and people may kind of walk by and chat with you briefly, in passing. But otherwise you’re just kind of sitting there thinking “Why am I even here? I shouldn’t be here.” They were having this entire cookout because I was there. I was technically like the guest of honor, I suppose. No one was paying attention to me. And it’s not like I wanted them to all be standing around me bombarding me with questions and stuff but, i don’t know exactly what I was expecting. 

I guess, in my head for 23 years I had built it up to replicate shit that I saw on tv, you know? Finding that long lost relative, running and hugging them. Crying. Talking about how your entire life you’ve felt like you were missing something, and here it was. 

But that’s not how it went. It felt so casual, too casual. Like this was something they did every couple of months with another random kid. All these expectations I had put on that first meeting, which admittedly was I guess pretty naive of me. It was an extremely crushing feeling of disappointment. 

Needless to say, when it came time to leave, I was ready. I stayed for several hours, until it was dark and my sister was texting me worried. When I got back to her house she was asleep I think, but I remember telling her that my bio took me for a ride in his caddy that he had just bought (the car they had all been standing around when I first pulled up) and she was flabbergasted that I trusted him to do that. (him and his side of the family are kind of…sketchy) But I thought eh, what was he gonna do? I was already at his house, where would he take me if he decided to take off, ya know?

Anyway, that's pretty much a recount of events of the worst and weirdest day of my life. I can’t even remember if I’ve cried over it, I’m sure I have. But it’s something I don’t think about a whole lot because it really saddens me. 

Soooo, that’s all for now, sorry this is supes long. Probably gonna take some time after this to cry. Definitely going to be bringing it up in therapy this week…

Til next time ✌🏽

[lodi-writes]

I love your blog! can you do a fanfic for the rfas snap chat and instagram like would they be mostly mc or etc.

Hi hi!!! Aa thank you so much for the love!!!!! I know you put fanfic in the request but I wasn’t quite sure how to incorporate this as a fic so I did them as headcanons, I hope that’s okay!!

Yoosung

Snapchat:

Probably the most likely out of the RFA to keep up streaks

His story would have lots of photos of his LoLoL wins, new armor he’s gotten in the game, etc.

His streaks would mostly be “good morning” and “stayin’ up late” photos of his face with big eye bags from playing too late

He’d probably prefer snapchat to regular messages for talking with MC because it feels more personal to him

He’d love screenshotting snaps that MC sends him that have her face in them (with her permission, of course)

Instagram:

Doesn’t use instagram a lot

He thinks that it’s too much work to keep up

He’d occasionally post LoLoL memes and share random posts that he liked on his story

Every single time MC posts though, he’ll absolutely share it on his story with a whole paragraph about how much he loves her

Once they’d been together for a while, Yoosung would for sure do anniversary posts

Zen

Snapchat:

Selfies for days!!!!

I mean, would you expect anything less from this man?

His snaps and his story would be entirely selfies

Though, when he meets MC and they start spending all their time together, his story would slowly start to be taken over by pictures of MC and him just having fun and hanging out

Instagram:

He’d have a pretty big following on instagram due to his rising popularity so he’d definitely keep up with it

Most of his posts are casual selfies and performance clips

Since his following is 99% fans, he has to hold back a bit on posting pictures of him with MC, as much as he does want to show everyone how much he loves her

Roughly 1 in 20 posts would have MC in them

That won’t stop him from going all out when he does post pictures of the two of them together, compiling tons of photos into one post with super long descriptions talking about how lucky he is 

Jaehee

Snapchat:

She definitely would never post on her story

She would absolutely not care about keeping up streaks

She’d often use snapchat just for the messaging function for speedy communication

Why take a picture when all that’s important are the words?

After adding MC, she’d slowly start to enjoy sending selfies

Seeing MC’s smile and the way her eyes light up in the snaps she gets back after sending a selfie make her day

Instagram:

While working at C&R, she wouldn’t post very often

Maybe the occasional photo of a weekend outing, which we all know would not be often

After quitting and starting her cafe, she’d start posting lots of photos of fancy coffees and desserts that she sells

She’d definitely do a bit of promo on her account for the cafe to try and get more foot traffic in the shop

Jumin

Snapchat:

Oh god, this man is horrible at using snapchat

If you think his photos are bad normally

Man, you’re in for a treat

Since it’s an even more casual setting than the messenger, he’d care even less about the quality of the pictures he takes

MC eventually recommends trying to take videos instead of photos because hey, maybe it won’t matter if his hand is moving if it’s a video

She was sorely mistaken

His hand is always so shaky while taking videos and always ends up half covering the mic so it’s hard to even hear what’s going on

He loves when MC sends videos back though because the sound of her voice never fails to put a smile on his face

Instagram:

He wouldn’t have a personal instagram account, but would 100% have an account for Elizabeth the 3rd

He wouldn’t dare take the photos himself

He’d hire a professional photographer (let’s not kid ourselves, probably V) to take the photos to “properly capture her beauty” and hire a social media manager to keep up the account

Saeyoung

Snapchat:

Pretty much only in it for the filters, you can’t convince me otherwise

Loves sending photos of Yoosung with the puppy filter on without telling him to pretty much everyone

His favorites are the voice changing filters

Posts about his babies (a.k.a. his cars) on his story a lot

He wouldn’t want people to be able to track MC to him, so he probably wouldn’t post anything of her on his story

But he would love sending her funny videos throughout the day because he loves her reactions since they mean that he made her happy, and that’s his main goal in life

Instagram:

He’d absolutely run a popular meme account under a fake identity

Lots of Long Cat memes

He’d definitely have flex credits, like that one meme account that got direct permission to repost Elon Musk’s tweets with credit

He wouldn’t ever post photos of MC’s face, but he’d do anniversary story posts of them holding hands of something like that

[tdrcharmschool4]

Charm School Homework #3: Trashion! Looking Good and Feeling Fine! - Critiques

For your homework, the faculty of costuming Toni and SALLY both asked our girls to create accessories out of unconventional materials with their own step by step guide on how they made it from start to finish! Let’s see how they did!

Erica Strada

Analyse: FLURSE! Finally, something for Letha to carry all her worldly possessions in! Although the flurse isn't really a ~practical~ accessory, it's cute, and I like that you were Extra™ and made the matching garment. The compact is cute too, but when you put it all together, it's kind of muddles the concept a bit, like what is this animal print compact doing with this nautical explosion? I think the compact may have been a more successful addition to this if you had just left it as the shells you used for a base, or even painted the shells to match the color story of the other accessories. All in all, I think you made some cute stuff, and most importantly, you showed that you can get creative and crafty! As we move forward, just remember that it only pays to be extra if it adds to the overall concept and doesn't detract from it! Good job with this homework, and good luck on your test!

SALLY - Hello Erica! I love this take on an accessory – very cute and very you! I think the compact is a unique idea – the gag would’ve been if you actually had something in the compact like a mirror or some bronzer, but nevertheless, smart idea! The flower purse... I’m not really buying that – only because you’ve lost some functionality with the idea of a purse being a paper lantern. I think the lantern would’ve been more suited to being a fascinator or headpiece in my eyes, just because of how it matches with your garment. My problem with this is that while you still used unconventional materials for your compact, you used a conventional material to cover it. My only nitpick! You could’ve gone full mermaid fantasy and gave us pearls all over the fabric, rhinestone the hell out of it to make it more exciting than it is already! My advice to you is to keep asking yourself if you can add anything else and if it’s hitting your brand. This combination is on your developing signature style, it’s really cute and I know that you’re such a glampy character, but it needs a little extra kick! Good job!

Kushboo

Analyse: I am so fascinated by this, and not in like a punny "haha fascinator--fascinated lolol" sort of way, but just like, I am so intrigued looking at it. Just based on the pictures, I would never have been like "oh, that's a blending sponge and some cotton swabs," but here we are with this cute little hat. I think it's definitely a statement piece and could see it being part of a very chic outfit. It doesn't necessarily scream a certain concept at me, but that's ok. Sometimes something can be cool based solely on the fact that it looks cool, and I would love to see you build a whole look around this piece, because the playfulness of the shape with the rather subtle color story I think gives you a lot of room to have fun with a look. Great job, and I look forward to your test!

SALLY - Hi, Kushboo! I absolutely adore your creative ingenuity in this challenge, honestly really well done. The hat, I opened the picture and I couldn’t clock the unconventional materials until I saw the step by step, really genius work for me. The fact you worked with painting a sponge and q-tips too it’s crazy, and the ascot element I get so much. My advice is to the get into taking a small step back and sizing up what goes well with each concepts, my only nitpick with your submission due to it being great was that the concept became a bit confused, I did get Ascot but also the addition of your Q-tip Blender decoration turned it into a Judy Jetson 80s vibe? This isn’t really a bad thing honestly, it’s just that when it comes to picking things to go with your accessory, play around a bit with what you particularly see, maybe you’ll surprise yourself with the outcome! Good job! 

Luna

Analyse - You: How can I push myself even harder? Me: Be extra AF You: ~DOES THISSSSSSS~ I am in love with this, it looks SO cool, and the addition of the light and crystal I think really breaks up all the paper-ness of the rest of it. I really have nothing negative to say about this. You might think about adding something more to the paper parts, be it some sort of color or stones or glitter, just to be EXTRA extra, but like I said, I'm not mad at this submission at all. Great job, and I can't wait to see where your creativity takes you for the test!

SALLY - Hey, Luna – first things first, I wasn’t expecting this straight up! I love how you’ve used a very simple material and created a complex shaped headpiece from it, and I’m kind of glad you have actually got a solid foundation too! I saw the crown and I wasn’t as nervous and I think you utilized building on a base really well here. This is such a strong conceptual piece and the fitting on your face must’ve been a meticulous touch that I commend you for! The added LED effect is so charming and actually adds colour to it which is a great job. My following advice from this homework is to really keep up this effort. Not a lot of young queens find their footing this early on in charm school, and it’s nice to see how much effort you’re putting into each thing you do! Good job!

Marina Lumiere

My accessories are made entirely of a parasol. The parasol had this cool wooden structure that kept it together, and I wanted to replicate it. I hot glued the wood to a lace choker I had, and I then covered the choker with the fabric on the top of the parasol. I then separated the remaining wood from the parasol and used the fabric on my head as a scarf. I admit that I’m not much of a DIY person but I hope you like my accessories!

Analyse: Hello, Marina! I think you've got a cute base idea here, and you've kind of deconstructed the parasol in a creative way, but I don't see much of a transformation. I think going forward, your main challenge is going to be really trying to get creative with your submissions and making sure that they're executed to the best of your abilities. I know you said you're "not much of a DIY person," but especially in situations like this, that's the name of the game. Even if you're a person that doesn't do a lot of crafty stuff, there are so many resources on YouTube and Pinterest and the rest of the internet that you really have no excuse to not push yourself 137% with anything like this. All of the deans and myself are a treasure trove of information, and chances are, if there isn't one of us who has personally made something you're trying to do, a few of us will have good tutorials for it anyways. Push yourself going forward, because I want you to reach your full potential in this competition! Good luck on the test!

SALLY - Hello Marina! I think you have a wonderful take on your colour story here, but unfortunately I don’t really see much of a strong enough concept accessory wise. For me, your step-by-step lacked in any explanation and I couldn’t really follow that well – if it wasn’t for your description you sent in later on, I wouldn’t have known otherwise. Keep in mind that with step-by-steps, we need to know what you’re gunning for! The end goal! I kind of got what you were doing afterward, and I do like the effort you’ve put in, but I just don’t see much of a concept with what you’ve made. My advice to you is to really push your creative ingenuity, for me I see your choker being a full spoked wooden Elizabethan collar and your hat more of a pillbox piece than a headwrap? Popsicle sticks would’ve helped give more volume to your spoked necklace and perhaps creating this headpiece decked out in flowers and rhinestones might’ve elevated your concept a lot more. Good job!

Nikita Nox

Analyse: BITCH, YESSSSSS! THIS is a ~concept~ and I live for it. I think you know the main problems come in the construction (i.e. back support), and that's definitely something to think about when you're making looks. I know I've run into that problem a few times of making something without really thinking through how it was going to be functional, so moving forward, just make sure that you plan that out when you're getting ready to make a look. Pipe cleaners are tough, because they can get the job done, but they can also read very crafty sometimes, so just be careful with things like that; make sure the construction and execution matches the intent. All in all, I think this is a great submission and a very solid start to what could be a very cool look! Great job, and good luck on your test!

SALLY -  Hi Nikita! I think this concept is really strong – it looks really exciting and I think that it’s very unique! Personally, I love food concepts, food makes me happy so this number makes me beam. The support (if that’s really a potato I’ll be honestly shocked) is super strong on the fascinator, but I’m nervous about that showgirl’s tail! What you could benefit from is using a Thrifted belt to kind of hot glue or attach to the popcorn bucket on your waist (they do that in VS for heavier wings!) so that you don’t have what I call Awkward Arm Pose when you don’t affix something to something else right. My advice is to always think “is my concept draggy enough?” I can visualise a look being in a club for like a pageant night or something, but the peacock tail would need a lot more bags – you want all the eyes on you, and the further it, you need to negate the negative space in your tail! Good job!

Ophelia Waters

For my accessory, I wanted to create a bouquet-like headpiece centered around origami flowers! I started with a base of a styrofoam ball used for fake flowers and a headband, hot-glued together, and then embellished with two type of origami flower patterns, held on using floral wire!

Analyse: Hello! This is so cute, and right away, you can tell the time and effort that went into it. My major complaint is that the monochromatic nature of the accessory is a little simplistic, and I would love to see some color on it. Your construction of it is solid, and honestly, sometimes that's the hardest part is figuring out how to get a piece to even work in the first place, so you've already tackled that battle. I think the next thing to focus on is just making sure that there's a interest in it beyond the construction. Maybe using different colors of paper for some (or all) of the flowers or adding some paper feathers made with a fun paper. You could also play around with some fun patterns of origami paper. Basically, I think you've got a great start to an idea here, but I just want to see you take it to the next level and really give us a fully realized concept. Good job, and good luck moving forward!

SALLY - Hey, Ophelia! First off, I’m in love with how you presented this accessory, it’s very simplistic and elegant and it seems to match your drag aesthetic! The flowers look less like origami and verge on realistic in your final pictures, and the foundation looks sturdy. I commend you for using wire in this – and the combination with foam in this holds up the wire really well. My only problem is that, when it comes to using paper, I do expect people to kind of go a bit further than just use white, white is quite a simplistic conceptual colour and this ties in with my advice going forward! If you feel as if your concept is looking a little too safe for your own liking, think about what else you could add to give it that extra push – for example, if you were to  add paint splatters to your flowers in an obscene manner, that could elevate the concept further. Always question little things like “if i add X here, would it work?” and don’t be afraid to run it past anyone really! Good job!

Shillelagh

Analyse: Hey, Shillelagh! First, I think it was a cool and unique idea to make a weapon as an accessory. It's definitely a different route and shows creativity. I wish the creativity went past the initial concept though. I can't help but feel a little let down by this, especially compared to some of the other submissions. We can only tell you so many times that we want to see more effort, but at the end of the day, this is a bat wrapped in tape with some poinsettias glued to it. You've proved to use that you can have the creative ideas, but you really need to make sure that you have the execution to match, and if that were easy, everyone would be doing this. Push yourself. Try harder. I know you have it in you. Prove me right.

SALLY - Hello, Shille! I’m gonna commend you for choosing something quite out of the box and stylistically different than an actual accessory. It reminds me of like an RPG-like weapon and I think the additions are cute, but! I do feel as if you could’ve pushed it a lot more. I can kind of see a small transformation to what you used as a foundation base for your bouquet-like club. I would’ve loved to have seen you really pile on a lot and tried to transform the baton into something crazily draggy – you could’ve added anything to this to make it a completely different concept (a pearl strand to make it rococo, maybe you could’ve painted the flowers a different colour to make it seem alien and added more crazy weird things, etc.) My following advice is to plan and stick to it, I know a lot of queens in TDR that go into challenges having two or three plans and can’t really stick to one. I know you have so many ideas and we talked about them, you’ve just gotta trust your gut and make sure you slay everyone! Good job!