#osomatsu headcanons

[notsobeautifuldisaester]

Assorted Osomatsu-kun/san headcanons I have buried in my head

Psst... Hey you. Yes you, You wanna know about my silly little headcanon I have for a bunch of characters most were one-shot characters. Well, you came to the right place.

Welcome, I'm your host Diseaster and today I'll be reaching as far as humanely possible into the deepest crevices in my brain to be you my assorted list of headcanon no one asked for.

Tw: Kidnapping, Animal Abuse, General Tougouness, CSA mention (Nothing actually happen tho)

🟣🔵🦷Ichimatsu learned the Kusomatsu thing from that one time Iyami visited and forced Karamatsu to drink beer.

🥨🦷That one German Iyami doppelganger grew up in a novelty shop that sold German stuff

🩳Dekapan's son, Taro, followed in father's footsteps and became a scientist. Though instead of making crazy gadgets and shit, it's just normal ass science, something like microbiologist

🩳Dekapan been married around six times. He wasn't the most attentive husband. He's still a doting father tho.

🤪The Dayon tribe is actually a bunch of people he vored when he was drunk on vacation

🔪👛 On meta note, Tougou is very prideful of newfound fame and still brags about appearing in the San for movie for like five seconds. Everyone else not give less of a shit

💨🍢 Chibita is related to the boss of the Smog Gang in a way, he doesn’t know this however

💨🏳Hatabou works an informant for the Smog Family Gang

🎀That one uprising in S2E1 was planned by Ta-bo. She must've really not wanted them to be CEOs or something.

🧑‍🏫Yagi occasionally hangs out with the sextuplets. He's really proud of how his disciples turned out.

💍 Kumiko is now an up and coming model. She rubs this in Totoko's face to no end

💍 Kumiko and Kinko are cousins, their names being the same is kind of an inside joke between the two.

👓🥐Niyake works as a reporter alongside Toy Car Boy. He says it's to travel around the world but in reality, it's because his family went bankrupt and he needed the money. He's still a prissy little shit tho.

👓🥐Such as not letting Iyami live that one time he humiliated him out of a job, still beefing with Chibita over outclassing him and generally sticking his nose up at everybody.

🎌🧛Hatabou and Dra-chan befriended each other, this somehow involved lots of bloodletting and ended up with them in the hospital

🥊🦑Fighting Yowai and Knockout Tsuyoi are drinking buddies

🍎🥊Knockout Tsuyoi doesn't approve of his little brother, Yotaichi, bullying people and he usually has to force him to apologize.

🟪🦷Just as Chibita can summon a cat army, Iyami can summon a swarm of ravens to attack people. He learned this trick from his older brother.

🪆👮After retiring from being a policeman, Katsumi a became seamster

🪆🦷Iyami quickly divorced Katsumi after he learned that being married to a cop won't get you out of legal trouble.

🐭🪤After the incident with his son being replaced by a cat, Instead of abusing cats Tataoji put his energy into helping mice

🎭That one old couple Tougou and Oso robbed, They were Jiguzou's grandparents. Ok, I just made this up to give Jiguzou a reason to kill Tougou.

🧺🦷Speaking of Iyami's brother, Gisei, he uses ravens to assist him in his robberies.

🧺🦷Some more tidbits about Gisei; half the stuff he steals is to sell for a higher price and the other half for no other reason than it looks cool, as a result, his house is full of all sorts of useless shit.

🧺🦷He is considerably "nicer" than Iyami, well at least to anyone other than Iyami. He has good manners and barely a mean word to say about others. He tends to apologize on his Iyami's behalf, mainly to humiliate him, and at first, seems to be a swell guy

🧺🦷On the flip side, he is the most unloyal traitorous little bitch on the face of the earth. There’s no limit to his selling out, he would rat out his friends, family (specifically Iyami), and anyone else unlucky enough to associate with him.

🦷🎀Iyami's daughter, Isoka, is blissfully unaware of her father being a con artist and is told that he's some sort of salesman. Iyami's brother holds this over Iyami to no end.

🦷🎀 Iyami still visits his daughter from time to time and seems to be on his best behavior around her.

🦷🎀 Isoka works in a ski resort as an instructor. She is normally good at her job but she still has a bit of favoritism streak, particularly to handsome rich guys

💰💵 Cash-kun is the one that got Chibita into crypto in the first place

🧺🦷Iyami's brother can't sheeh to save his life, any attempt from him to do so ends up with him falling flat on his ass

🕯️🦇 The Shinigami Salesman has a candle under his top hat (don't ask how that works with his candle going out or the hat burning, it's magic or some shit) He can regenerate instantly when injured. If his candle is put out, he "dies" until it re lit. Also, he can remove it and switch it out for a new one.

🕯️🦇The Shinigami Salesman was a normal human and was on his way to becoming a door-to-door salesman before getting bodied by a truck. The Shinigami before him was about to quit and ask him to take their place.

🐈‍⬛🦇Nozomi and the Shinigami Saleman tend to work together to help people want to pass on without regrets.

🔪🍢Contrary to popular belief, Tougou wants to get revenge on Chibita. Unfortunately for Tougou, Chibita has no clue who he is outside of some annoying old guy that keeps loitering around his cart.

🔪🔴 On the topic of Osomatsu and Tougou. Tougou can't even get his name right (usually calling him Osumatsu or Omomatsu), let alone care enough about him to take vengeance on some shitty NEET.

🔪🔴Osomatsu, on other hand, can't stand the sight of Tougou and push him into traffic if it was legal (jk, he would do it even if it wasn't legal). It wouldn't be so bad if Tougou just fucked off and never showed his face but... Nooo... Tougou just had to return instead of moving on with his life.

🟣🔵🟢🟡👚 On the side of the other Matsuno. Jyushi scares Tougou and he's convinced that Jyushi is some sort of cryptic. He found Kitty!Ichimatsu rummaging in his trash, at that point he doesn't know what to do about him. Choro and Kara generally don't trust him but they aren't outright trying to attack him so Tougou is cool with them. Todomatsu and Tougou silently hate each other.

🔪👩Tougou tried to attack Matsuyo for putting sleeping tonic in his food, he ended up having his ass handed to him and barely escaped with his nipples. Plus he keep picking on Matsuzo for being short (the fucking dickhead)

👨👩Matsuyo and Matsuzo would've either hounded the police or search for Osomatsu themselves if Tougou actually succeeded Osomatsu (bc I refuse to same people who fought a death god and aliens made counterfeit money to pay a ransom, jumped a barber for fucking up their kids hair would just go "Oh, some guy with a knife stole our kid. That fucking blows but I guess we can't do shit about."

👨Matsuzo can be summoned by singing the first five lines of the 80's anime theme. I mean it's practically canon. Choromatsu deadass starts singing the theme song and out of nowhere Matsuzo just ✨️pops✨️ out of nowhere. Like I refuse to believe that was a conscience, it was ✨️magic✨️

🏎️📻Osomatsu and That Toy Car Kid from the Tougou chapter still hang out. They usually go fishing, watch horse races (Oso bets, Car Boi just likes to watch), or pray on Tougou's downfall.

🔪💰This has no basis in canon but it's a funny brain worm I had stuck in my head. To lessen his sentence, Tougou "volunteered" (forced) to be an idol to entertain his fellow prisoners. It fucking blows. He was forced to wear this ugly ass, itchy as fuck knife suit. Had to sing these corny ass lyrics about weapons. His fans didn't even like him. His manager forced him to perform no what condition he was in as he raked in the money from his CD sales. The whole experience shaved 10 years off his life.

🔪💰Speaking of prison, Tougou was at the bottom of the pyramid in prison. Basically, someone start rumors of him being a ch0m0 and if you know how people like that are treated in prison, you can tell it wasn't pretty.

And finally, Mujirushi took place in the Osokun universe. Search your heart and you'll know it's true.

Whew. That was long. In all honesty, I had fun making this, though I may not do it again. I hope everyone enjoyed reading this.

Toodles!

[flowerakatsuka]

LET'S HEAR IT FOR OUR NEETS!!

[totokoismyfav]

hi i have a request for headcanons :] how would the sextuplets react to an s/o who is objectively a functional member of society (job and/or school, booming social life, well liked, etc) but for some reason simps really hard for them. it can by goofy or not, depends on what you think!

osomatsu san/reader | reader who is a functional member of society who is head over heels for the brothers

A functional member of society in love with a NEET? Oh, what a thought! All of them equally are just as infatuated with you, maybe even more so as you are just shining with confidence and wit. So imagine their surprise when you finally ask them to be your boyfriend! They all react differently so let’s see up close and personal.

Osomatsu: - How are you with him, seriously? Everyone wants to know. - A shitty NEET with such bad habits like gambling and drinking and you looked in his direction? He’s just as shocked as everyone else to be honest. - Although, he’s not complaining one bit.  - Proudly parades you around in front of his brothers, like damn he might as well have won the lottery. - Oh, they are so jealous by the way. - At first, he doesn’t really change besides that but a little bit into your relationship, he starts making small changes and working up to the big ones.  - At first, it’s picking up after himself and doing more chores around the house, then it’s actually looking for jobs and talking about moving out one day. - Soon enough, he ends up doing just that and moves in with you, even holding a job and stops complaining about it all the time. - He’s trying, for you, and that is a lot coming from him. 

Karamatsu:  - Oh, be prepared anon.  - This man will make it known that he is just as much in love with you back.  - Things like surprise flowers and gifts show up at your work’s front desk, only the best for his Karamatrsu darling! - “Oh my darling flower, it makes my heart palpitate just to know how much you adore me!”  - Of course, you are eating up every cheesy line and equally spoiling him despite his surprise when you do so, despite still living with his mother he’s not used to being spoiled like this. - Like you swear you saw tears when you gave him a gift on your first date, and it was something so simple too. A guitar pick with yours and his initials on it. He swears to use it all the time, and he does, especially when he serenades to you. He even started to freak out when the image on it started to fade.  - At first, he refuses to let you pay for things even though you have a job and he doesn’t. After a few high-priced dates, he finally lets you help with the costs and even slightly enjoys being spoiled by you. - To still help out and spoil you, he even starts working at a nearby clothing store. - Your love is so annoying to everyone around you but the both of you don’t care, not one bit. 

Choromatsu: - To his non-existent calculations, you two should NOT be a thing, but he doesn’t care at this point. - He’s also kinda jealous of you? Like you’re everything he wants to be but he quickly gets over that once you ask him out.  - At the beginning of your relationship, he is constantly stuttering and sweating from his nerves but he’s over the moon about finally dating you, he always has his signature smile on his face.  - When you start holding hands, you can physically feel his whole body shake just from your palm against his.  - Of course, you are no better as you are in LOVE with this man. - You’re both a couple who are head over heels for one another and very much show it instead of saying it. - It took you guys weeks just to say ‘I love you’ which ended in you running away with your hands covering your face and Choromastu shouting to the night sky of how he was in love.  - He also starts to become a functional member of society (with your help and motivation). - Soon enough, he’s living with you and has a job of his own, and surprisingly to him he couldn’t be happier getting out of the NEET lifestyle he was in for so long. 

Ichimatsu:  - He can barely believe it himself, how could someone like you be in love with him? - You were a knockout, a functional member of society and he was just a shitty NEET, a nobody who no one wants. You must be fucking around with him.   - And he really thinks that at first, it takes a bit of persuasion for him to believe you are actually infatuated with him.  - On your first date, he would sit tables away from you as you drank a milkshake. His face turned bright red as he tried to sip from four tables away with a long straw. - You would simply smile at him, telling him it’s ok to get closer and that you were truly interested in dating him. - Soon enough, you two were doing regular couple stuff like holding hands and regularly going on dates.  - As you both get further into the relationship you notice he starts to really change things, Ichimatsu even gets a job at a local cat cafe. - Soon enough, he’s living with you and holding down a job he actually enjoys (although interacting with people still irks him).  - Although, when you first asked him to spend the night at your house, he spontaneously combusted right on the bench. 

Jyushimatsu:  - Oh ho ho! This man is ecstatic! - His brothers swear that he’s been faster with his batting swing when you both start dating. - It’s like he has a new form of motivation when practicing baseball, running faster, swinging harder and throwing farther all at the same time. - He also seems happier than usual (somehow) , his smile widening whenever he sees you and your wonderful face.  - Will point you out to his brothers whenever he sees you, like he’s bragging or something. “Ha ha look, it’s my partner! Do you see them, huh? Huh?”  - He also starts working as well, hoping to start working as a baseball player in the future. - With your help, he eventually works up to that point and starts playing in local leagues!

Todomatsu:  - Oh he’s the most smug out of all of them. - Of course, he has no idea why you looked in his direction but he’s so glad you did.  - When you told him you were in love with him, he dropped his coffee you two had gotten minutes prior. Of course, he spilled it all over you and profusely apologized about it while helping to clean you up. - Luckily, it was iced so it didn’t burn or anything so you simply just smiled and told him he was fine and it was ok.  - Totally rubs it in his brother's faces, just like Oso and Jyushi but he’s more of a bitch about it.  - “Oh would you look at that, I have a partner now who’s actually interested in me. Score one for the youngest!” - He actually got a scoreboard for it too, the bastard. - He eventually goes back to Sutabaa, working the same position he did before. - He’s officially out of NEET status when he moves in with you and he’s so happy about it as he went up a level as a human once more!

[cherryberrymatsu]

SEXTUPLETS FLIGHT/AIRPORT HEADCANONS YEAHHHH

[wildaboutchu2000]

what is your choromatsu's body hc??? he is a fatty chubby girl my beloved

2 answer ur question my hc is muffin top choro :3 BUT I figured I should try my hand at a bigger choromatsu now that the thought has been injected into my mind. hopefully I did a good job ^^;

the conclusion i drew was that hes cute both ways to me EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK

[polymathial]

Here we go! Finally done with the headcanons. This is all in good fun and you’re allowed to disagree with me ^_^ This was so much fun to do and I can’t wait to do art with these guys

[thebardisabird]

I've been on a little thought train of s/o's learning each others cultures so I gotta know your take on how the matsus would react to their s/o saying "I love you" in Japanese 💙

Hi my friend, I know you're taking a break from Ososan right now, but I was feeling a type of way about this prompt and wanted to answer this. I hope it's okay if we kind of go the route of this being the first time you say it to them. Lots of fluff, and a little bit of angst here and there but they all end happily! Under the cut!

Osomatsu would actually panic, completely bypassing the fact that you're actually learning his mother tongue. Though he presents himself as a very carefree kind of guy, the idea of love - real, true love, is a very deep feeling that he's a little afraid of facing. He may slip up and say something less graceful like "Same!" or "Me too!" and quite frankly he won't understand your disappointment at first. But after discussing it with his brothers, who all tell him he's a fucking MORON for responding that way, he actually does some real introspective work and realizes that's he's being incredibly dumb for not being able to say it back off the bat. Of course he loves you. So the next time he sees you, he'll ask you nonchalantly to repeat that new phrase you learned recently, and with some hesitance you do. He smirks with some softness, faces you, and repeats your words back to you.

Karamatsu sings your praises of learning Japanese, knowing very well that you both are trying to learn each others' language. It will take him a minute to register exactly what you've said, but when it does, he pauses. His face is blank for a second; at first you think you've said something wrong (or possibly even said it too soon), but then you see the tears corner in his eyes. Now he has you panicking, but he takes your hands before you even know what to do with them. He'll ask you "...Me?...Are you sure?" and it reminds that you that for as confident as he seems, Karamatsu does have his insecurities. It almost breaks your heart at his question of disbelief. But you reassure him, hand to his cheek and say it again. To which he wilts, letting a tear or two fall as he takes you in his arms and tells you how happy he is you feel the same.

Choromatsu is so excited that you're learning more and more phrases! He understands that Japanese isn't an easy language to learn so he's very keen on helping you out as much as possible. Like his older brother however, he too doesn't realize what you'd said right away. His face immediately drops into that signature blank Matsuno stare when it registers. He promptly grabs some q-tips, fiercely cleaning his ears before insisting he heard you wrong and asking you to repeat yourself. When you attempt to he screams for you to stop, "I'M NOT READY, WAIT WAIT WAIT!" and he turns his back to you, face in hands. It goes on this way for a few minutes before you decided to tell him to forget what you said - clearly what you've said bothers him. Surprisingly he grasps your hand before you can turn away, his grip unsure, but still clasped around you. "Me too...I...love you too." His back is still turned to you as he says this, but you can hear it in his voice that he's sincere. What you don't see is the half-lidded gaze of relief under his palm, and the cherry red blush dusting his cheeks.

Ichimatsu right away is taken aback by your words. So much so that his hand comes to his drumming chest in an act to stop his heart from beating out of his ribcage. He backs away from you, looking almost insulted. There's a very clear internal struggle within him as he can't properly process your words of affection. So instead, he runs. Undoubtedly you're confused and a little upset, not quite expecting him to turn tail on you at your exclamation of love in his native language. You know Ichimatsu well enough to know that what he needs most is space. The rest of the day the poor fourth born needs to constantly be held at bay from bashing his head through the walls of the Matsuno household. All of his siblings reassure him that he can still fix things. How could he run from you when you told him you loved him? He felt like the scum of the earth. Would you even forgive him? Of course you wouldn't, who was he kidding. The chatter of self-depreciation drowned out his thoughts so deafeningly that he hadn't even realized you had made your way to his home. It wasn't until your arms had circled around his back and your chin tucked at his shoulder that he was shaken back to presence; and then it hits him. You love him. You love him. You spend time with him. You make him laugh. In your arms he feels relaxed, safe even. How could he...? His forehead leans wearily against your shoulder. You begin to apologize for making uncomfortable, but before more than a few words escape you he cuts you off with his own expression of love. It's quiet and muffled, but you hear him. The sweet silence that follows is filled with nothing but comfort.

Jyushimatsu basically shouts about how really good your pronunciation is! He's happy that you're learning Japanese as he wants to be able to have full conversations with you as much as he can. He's not aloof however, he knows exactly what you said. That's why in less than a minute you're lifted into his arms, being tossed ceremoniously a few times before your face is littered with kisses. His normally bright personality shines at another level at your loving words. He presses a few more kisses to your face before exclaiming that he loves you the same in Japanese alongside you. It's an exchange that leaves you both feeling on cloud nine for the remainder of the day.

Todomatsu opens his mouth to say something, but instead tries to bite back an overjoyed smile. Deciding to be cheeky he responds with, "I'm sorry, I don't think I heard you, can you say that again?" You think at first he actually didn't hear what you said you repeat yourself, but after he asks you to reiterate what you said, you quickly catch on. That doesn't deter you though and you play him at his own game. It doesn't take long before he ends up almost as pink as his wardrobe, laughing softly before he stops you from repeating yourself one more time. Instead he asks you out of the blue if you want to take a selfie with him. You're caught off guard by the request, but you oblige, posing with him. Just before he snaps the pic, you feel lips press to your cheek. In the softest voice he can muster he whispers his own words of affection in Japanese. When he pulls away it's your turn to wear some color on your cheeks whilst Todomatsu raves about how adorable your selfie came out.

[wewerebornsextuplets]

hes my fav brother to draw normalstyle i think

[mushimatsu]

choromatsu handwriting post

compiled all of choromatsus handwriting that i could find bc i love him

i realize these were all made by different teams and have different sources (anime/games/webkuji/etc) but there are some similarities between them all and i think its cute. i'll try to make it easier for ppl that cannot read japanese too

(note: some of these may or may not be valid criticisms, im not a native japanese speaker but i got my bachelors in japanese. idk if this means anything to anyone im just pointing out things that im noticing and maybe it will be interesting to you. if you notice anything else interesting feel free to add)

commonalities i noticed:

sometimes will combine multiple character strokes into one (normal thing to do, i've seen some native speakers do this)

with a few exceptions (mt takao for some reason), generally neat handwriting. proper and easy to read. not too big, not too small, not over stylized, but not messy either. very choromatsu

letter in s1e24

very nice handwriting, legible and neat. this is closest to how i think i would picture his handwriting. i know that the staff across different ososan things probably don't care too deeply about keeping minute handwriting details consistent and that's why they're all gonna look different but i like this one best for him.

new years cards in s2e13

very cute, love the stupid drawing of himself. everything very nice and tidy. to me these characters look a much curlier and rounder than the ones in the letter.

for both the letter and the new years cards it looks like he was careful to properly write out all the strokes of the kanji, even for more complicated ones like 緊張 and 就職. we see in mt takao that his handwriting gets a LOT messier. i know the real reason is because it was probably different animators that did his handwriting, but i'm choosing to believe that in canon it's because both of these are more fancy/formal letters addressed to people, whereas the trip guide is just for him and his brothers and doesn't necessarily need to look nice.

also i adore his tendency to add little drawings to things, like this and the mt takao guide he's everything

trip guide from mt. takao s3e8. his handwriting here, for some reason, is exceptionally bad especially compared to everything else. he writes like a little kid and i love his shitty little drawings. he's so cute.

my teachers would always correct my kanji down to the tiniest strokes, if i wrote like this is class i would get scolded so bad. you can see him combining his strokes together for 記念���影, this will continue for the other pictures too. cute detail imo

the 昼 in 昼食 is definitely written wrong, but the second kanji 食 might be a little nitpicky. technically that bottom part is three different strokes, not two crossed over each other

more of him combining the strokes together. i wouldn't necessarily say that's wrong, since i've seen people do that before; it's probably just a habit that happens over time. i do it in english too

HOWEVER, he did write the 日 radical in 撮影 wrong here. previously, i thought he was just combining strokes again so that it looked like three lines instead of two (note 3 and 4 are two parallel lines, he just didn't lift his pen up)

but when you look at this it's clear that he very much did write three lines this time. that's the wrong radical

anyway

another example of him writing a two stroke character with just one. again, this is fine, ive seen people write their characters like this. however it looks bad when he does it here

i love how he wrote "campfire" i love how for some reason he didn't keep the letter sizing consistent or straight. also his little campfire drawing

１９時

キャンプ

ファイヤー

also there's two ways to write そ, its just a matter of choice its not important but he writes it the second way. and he messed up a kanji again

these next ones are maybe less canon cause they're not from the show itself

Airport Matsu

very tidy, combines a couple strokes together. both 松 (matsu) characters look like he combines the last two strokes together instead of writing them as two separate ones

and he does a similar thing with the right half of 野 in Matsuno

nostalgic moments webkuji

this one he writes every stroke and doesn't combine them and that's probably because different people worked on these and the tiny details like this don't matter to anyone but me. or you could say that he wrote a little neater in high school and started simplifying things as he got older.

Rock School

he drew himself again lol

i think his handwriting looks very good here actually. idk how to describe it but i like when handwriting looks like this specific way in japanese. i've seen other people that have handwriting like this and it just looks so nice. like the characters seem to vary in size, but somehow it makes it a little easier to read imo?

like in the first bullet point (underlined in yellow), the す in 多すぎる is a little big, but like it looks nice. in the second bullet point (blue), the の in 世の中 is slightly smaller but it emphasizes the kanji on either side of it. the stroke on the side of the か characters are written a little longer than usual (red). like it just looks nice, everything is shaped really nice and whenever i see people that have this handwriting i always try to emulate it lol

Neetpro

this one is a bit messier than the others. the way he wrote チョロ just doesn't look as nice as the way he wrote it in airport matsu and nostalgic moments. the way the て is written is more curved compared to the others. also the 界 kanji (blue) is written in a way that looks weird to me, and kara from this same set also writes the kanji that way so i think the same person might have written all of them lol

also interesting is that he writes き differently in this one

i was told by one of my professors that you're supposed to write さ and き with the upper and lower parts disconnected when writing by hand. it's only in text that they're connected. but i've still seen some people write them in the connected way

in all the other examples, choromatsu doesn't write them connected like that, just this one.

sukiya app

my lovely boy and his nonsense words and lies. the handwriting here comes off as very cutesy to me, at least compared to the others. some of the ways he writes, especially any box-like shape, seems round in a way. he also connects the right half of 野 again.

overall writes very neatly, altho a lot of the kanji here seems like its very big on the top and smaller on the bottom, and a lot of the letters seem more rounded. all the other examples just feel like the writing is a bit more angular, with the exception of the new years cards.

extra: coloring book

the way he wrote his name here is messier than the other examples. i like that he added little commentary on his own coloring though ("looks good!" "the tail was black too i believe") maybe he colored this with a paintbrush????? the strokes look as if he was trying to write quickly with a brush as if it was a pen. so maybe that's why its a little messier

anyway thanks for reading. i love choromatsu

[ohthethingswedoforlove]

Yandere!Matsuno brothers headcanons

My favorite group of insufferable bastards! This part one of two posts, with this one's being about Osomatsu, Choromatsu and Karamatsu.

Warnings: yandere characters; descriptions of violence; stalking; vague mention of self-harm on Karamatsu's side;

Osomatsu

❤️ In the beginning, it might seem hard to imagine Osomatsu having a genuine interest in someone. Or to take it way too seriously. Or even just seriously at all, really.

❤️ He seems to be mostly interested in the superficial parts, as most who know him would tell you.

❤️ But if there's something about Oso that seems to be often overlooked is that, when he gets attached, this guy gets attached.

❤️ He already has a tendency to become dependent on others, after all.

❤️ But your relationship with him doesn't start as anything special. Or worrying.

❤️ With the both of you probably meeting at a bar, or maybe even at Chibita's oden stand, and ending up striking a casual, and likely drunk on his side, conversation.

❤️ And you might think that's where it ended. Just a rather amusing and random acquaintanceship.

❤️ But inevitably, there's going to be a day where his brothers are busy or not in the mood to deal with him, he has no more borrowed money to entertain himself with, and he's bored out of his mind.

❤️ And when that day comes, he might just remember that he knows you and that pestering you might just be a fun enough of a time waster.

❤️ And before you know it, a habit is born.

❤️ Well, even if you try to not let it become a habit, he's still going to annoy and insist until you cave in and let him tag along in whatever you're doing.

❤️ But hey, if nothing else, Osomatsu is a very entertaining friend. Just be prepared to get the both of you out of all the trouble he manages to get into. 

❤️ After a while, he's gonna start feeling more like your partner in crime, someone who you can just do dumb things with who also has a talent for making you forget about the consequences.

❤️ He's already the pinnacle of rock bottom, buddy! So that means there's no way to go but up, right?

❤️ He does grow to appreciate your company though, and he likes to let you know that, even if he does it in some... Interesting ways.

❤️ But who says that bringing your friend along to waste all of you guys' money at pachinko isn't a great bonding experience?

❤️ Osomatsu is pretty straightforward about his feelings, once he realises that he likes you, he'll simply tell you.

❤️ Though nor you or him really feel the weight of his words. Considering the amount of time where playfully and dramatically "professed his love for you", only to be shit-faced drunk or high in a moment of confidence, you've never taken him seriously.

❤️ And it's only after your disinterest starts to sound harsh in tone that he suddenly realises that he... Was kind of expecting more than that.

❤️ He'll find himself strangely disheartened.

❤️ At first he doesn't understand why your half-hearted reactions hurt him so much, even though he tried his damn best to ignore and distract himself from it.

❤️Well, he's been rejected before. Many times. Countless times, actually.

❤️ And sure, it stings, but it's different.

❤️ It felt you weren't just rejecting his stupid advances, you were rejecting him as a whole. And he doesn't like that, not even one bit.

❤️ He... Never really realised how much he liked you.

❤️ Well, sure, he thought of you as pretty fun since practically day one, and he can admit that you both have become basically attached by the hip as of late, mostly because he started seeking you out almost everyday, but actually like you, as in enough to be love?

❤️ Actually, that makes lots of sense.

❤️ He loves you. Yeah.

❤️ If that stupid grin on his face is a telltale sign of anything, it’s that he realised he loves you.

❤️ You just... Probably don't think he's serious. Who could blame you? Most don't. But he can fix that. And besides, you have been hanging out with him so much by now, you two are practically already together!

❤️ And as soon as he reaches that conclusion, all hell breaks loose.

❤️ If Osomatsu was already a bit clingy beforehand, then get ready for him to become overbearing.

❤️ It's going to freak you out almost instantly. Because, trust me, it's going to be noticeable that something's not right anymore.

❤️ You're going to start wishing he would go back to jokingly flirt with you, because at least then you could laugh it off.

❤️ But you can't find humor in his actions anymore.

❤️ He gets so strangely quiet. Staring at you in a weirdly intense way, a smile never leaving the corners of his mouth.

❤️ Constantly insisting that he's serious, that he loves you, and that you love him too, right? 

❤️ Why else would you even stick around this long when no one else does?

❤️ He never admits it, but he's actually terrified you're going to leave.

❤️ Everyone thinks of him as a failure and a nuisance. And sure, he can admit it, he's annoying as hell! He's a neet, he's a shit older brother, and you can do so much better.

❤️ But he doesn't want you to do better.

❤️ And at the end of the day, Osomatsu is very selfish.

❤️ You never thought of him being capable of violence, but that's just because you've never saw him do it.

❤️ Oh, not towards you! Why would he, c'mon! You say the damnest things.

❤️ But that doesn't spare literally everyone else from his constant need to pick a fight. He's a sore loser who feels threatened pretty easily, especially if it involves you in some way. 

❤️ Though, funnily enough, direct insults are the thing the rile him up the least. Probably because he's used to it.

❤️ He just acts like you two have been officially together for ages, constantly bragging about it to anyone who's around to hear, specially his brothers. Much to their annoyance and dismay.

❤️ He also doesn't care about you constantly trying to disprove it, he just laughs it off with that shit eating grin of his and tells you that have such a hurtful sense of humor! But it's ok, he still loves you a lot!

❤️ No matter what you try to do, he's persistent and willing to drag everything across the floor just to keep his place as your "favorite". It's sometimes surprising how low he'll happily go.

❤️ After all, you're stuck with him! And he absolutely adores to remind you of that.

Choromatsu

💚 Choromatsu... Is a bit of a tricky one.

💚 He might also be the one who’s most likely to not know a whole lot about you before he starts obsessing over you.

💚 He's used to admiring from afar, after all. It's what his main hobby consists of, when you think about it.

💚 Maybe he met you at a convention or idol concert and you share similar interests with him, maybe he caught some glimpses of you in a more regular setting, or hell, maybe he only really got to take a good look at you once.

💚 But one thing's for certain: he's infatuated.

💚 Choro is the type to like the idea of you more than the actual, well, you.

💚 Mostly because he barely even knows you as a person and instead spends way more time than it's healthy fantasising about who you could be.

💚 He's a stalker, no doubt about it.

💚 The more time he spends thinking about you and how you two would just be oh so perfect together, the more inclined to follow you around he gets.

💚 And he will follow you around like he's your shadow.

💚 You can also bet that a few of your belongings are going to start disappearing. He tries to make sure he never takes anything you'll immediately notice or miss, but it's inevitable that you'll start to feel like something's wrong.

💚 He likes to think of himself as rational, but he really isn't.

💚 He also tries to be subtle and secretive about all of this, but he fails miserably at it.

💚 He's obsessed, stupid and most likely daydreaming about you at this very moment.

💚 In the case that you two have yet to actually talk until this point, your first interaction with him is probably going to happen once he inevitably gets more reckless than usual and you two end up bumping into each other while he's following you around.

💚 This could go two ways: it either comes off as a random encounter that you end up not really minding (or understanding the implications of), or you do get suspicious and weirded out and you just ditch him as soon as you can.

💚 If it doesn't go too well... He's going to be devastated. And also surprisingly angry. At himself, at his bad luck, and eventually even at you for not giving him a chance. He's going to go home to sulk in his own misery, while trying to not sock one of his brothers straight in the face as they nag him about what he's mopping about.

💚 But if the encounter actually goes better than expected, he'll be on cloud nine. It's only going to solidify all those delusions about you and how you two are just meant to be, even though he was nervous and sweating during the entire conversation.

💚 Either way, you basically only have a set amount of times to reject his affection before things start to go south. Well, more than they already have, anyway.

💚 Don't get too buddy-buddy with anyone else. And don't ignore him for too long; yes, even when you two barely even talk to each other. But above all else, do not even dare to imply you already like someone more than him.

💚 Choromatsu can actually be dangerous. 

💚 Mostly because he has anger issues, a chip on his shoulder and not enough reasons to restrain himself from caving in someone's skull just for looking at you longer than he'd like.

💚 His anger and jealousy will continue to eat away at him over the time you don't acknowledge him, and it's going to reach a boiling point.

💚 And when that point finally arrives, be prepared for him to just snap at any given moment.

💚 Don't be surprised to be unexpectedly confronted with him beating the absolute hell out of a poor soul who happened to be spending time with you.

💚 Or for him to one day just abruptly corner and threaten you somewhere in a moment of blind obsessiveness.

💚 But no matter exactly how you witness him lose his marbles, he's going to end up snapping out of it once the realisation of what he just did hits him.

💚 Both of you are shocked. You're speechless and shaking and he's stuttering his way through excuses, panicked apologies and made on the spot reassurances.

💚 But the damage is done. There's no turning back now.

💚 And once that clicks for him... Something changes.

💚 He gains a new level of courage he never thought he had. Nor does he knows how long it's going to last.

💚 But he doesn't care about that now.

💚 You're scared of him, so he might as well use that to his advantage.

💚 He'll... He'll Make you love him. Yeah.

💚 He will.

💚 And you won't have a choice.

💚 He's so sorry.

Karamatsu

💙 Ah, Karamatsu. The poor guy.

💙 He's definitely the most harmless out of the bunch.

💙 Well, "harmless" might be a bit of a stretch. He's just the most pacifistic when compared to the others.

💙 But that doesn't mean that damage won't happen at all, because it will.

💙 Because this guy doesn't really have a lot of self-esteem or stability to go around. And the name of the game when it comes to Karamatsu is "guilt tripping".

💙 What's the worst part? The absolute constant pity party or the fact that most of the time he doesn't even do it on purpose?

💙 Your first meeting... Was kinda awkward, to be honest. Well, it's Karamatsu who we're talking about here.

💙 He's a sweetheart, really, but he's definitely not as charismatic as he plays himself up to be.

💙 And your first interaction was not, in fact, as romantic and fairytale-like as he tried to make it as soon as he set eyes on you.

💙 But you kind of took pity on him. He didn't seem like a bad guy, just... A bit eccentric.

💙 And you actually found his antics funny too, after the initial shock of his dramatisation. In a way, he was so over the top and silly that it wrapped all the way around to you finding him endearing.

💙 And that's... A new one for him. He's normally used to being laughed at, not for someone to laugh alongside him. Or to compliment him.

💙 And he's so excited about this! He'll try to play it cool, of course, like he was expecting you to immediately fall for his "charm" from the beginning. But he's barely holding back the happiness and... Relief at meeting you.

💙 Surely, this must be meant to be, right?

💙 Surely, this is fate. It has to be.

💙 And with that, you just unknowingly sealed your fate.

💙 Because from now on, he's going to become a constant presence in your life, whether you like it or not.

💙 He'll start to constantly try to meet up with you and bring you places. He might get lucky the first few times, but it starts to get overwhelming when he's basically asking to go out with you every single day.

💙 The phone calls are frequent too; way, way too many of them. Mostly innocuous and sweet messages sure, but once again, he overdoes it.

💙 And the gifts! Oh, boy, the gifts.

💙 Most of the time it's roses, of course it is, and all of those classic romantic gifts you can think of off the top of your head. All left by your doorstep or delivered to you in person by him. But you do worry about him wasting all his money, considering he can't keep a job for the life of him.

💙 While his brothers tend to be unnecessarily cruel towards him, they aren't lying when they say he's "too much". Because no matter how genuine he is, there reaches a point where it feels like he can't live without you.

💙 Actually, he will tell you that to your face.

💙 When he's not trying to act like a smooth Casanova and gentleman, showering you with praise and basically putting you on a pedestal; he's busy beating himself up for not being good enough as soon as he senses even just a little bit of rejection.

💙 He tends to bounce right back into false confidence as soon as you confirm that no, you don't hate him. Which does leave you wondering when he's being serious and when he's playing it up. Sometimes, not even he can tell, to be honest. He's just used to not feeling great about himself.

💙 But hey, as long as you're not rejecting him and even reassuring his fears, things with him can feel pretty normal. Or appear to, at least.

💙 But it will get bad if you start to show aversion towards him, just like most people.

💙 But at this point it's too late.

💙 He's way too deep into his delusions about you, and will absolutely refuse to accept you dislike him. He'll do his best to play it off as you being in a bad mood and that he needs to cheer you up.

💙 That or he'll go into a depressive episode while desperately trying to convince you (and himself) that you'd never actually hate him, right?

💙 To the point where he'll start to believe you're being influenced by other people. That they're trying to drive you two apart. Especially if his brothers are somehow involved. It wouldn't be the first time they've ruined something for him, after all.

💙 And at this point he might start getting angry.

💙 But Karamatsu is not really one for violence, at least not until he gets pushed too much in that direction.

💙 It doesn't stop him from threatening harm upon himself though. Mostly as a desperate attempt to get "proof" that you love him. You wouldn't let this happen to him, right? 

💙 You're not like them, you care about him! You wouldn't leave him like this. He knows you wouldn't.

💙 But if that doesn't work, well...

💙 Then at this point he might have just been pushed enough in that previously mentioned direction.

💙 Don't worry, if he does reach this point, you'll never see it. He'd never want you to be exposed to anything that would scare or upset you. Though, it's funny how he doesn't realise (or doesn't let himself realise) that he was already doing that.

💙 But you will be left wondering where that friend of yours went, or why his brothers seem so weirdly wary of you now.

[todd-pinefield]

ichimacchaaan... plus a choromatsu

Time: 35 Minutes

Characters: Choromatsu, Ichimatsu (Osomatsu-San)

do not tag as genderbent ichimatsu

ko-fi

[energysynergymatrix]

No way look who's shown up in Hinamizawa

[flowerakatsuka]

my shimamatsu artbook came in so i finally got to see the rest of the unreleased teacher set...

scans of gym teacher oso from this set can be found here!

choro's a math teacher, which i feel like is pretty fitting for her. they drew her very cute, peak froggy expression.

ichi's a science teacher, like in teacher matsu merch by movic. he's also setting a bad example for his students by wearing open-toed shoes which is against standard lab safety rules, for shame smh.

jyushi is an art teacher! very cute, he's definitely fitting the bill of the zany art teacher stereotype.

totty's an english teacher. he's really meant it when he said he doesn't want to work bc he's giving us NOTHING in that awakened art. his outfits are very cute, though.

" gee, mj. where's kara? wasn't he the one you were the most curious about? " wELL. i waited to share him last bc...

when i tell you that i opened to this page in art book to find this set, saw kara, and then immediately closed the book...

he's a japanese / literature teacher, which i do think fits. ( still such a missed opportunity to have him as a music teacher... ) * puts my face in my hands * he's such a dork.

[puffpawstries]

hello 2024 my friend has dragged me back into my Osomatsu-san brain rot,,,so have a wip

also happy birthday neets this is so crazy

[m1lkt3e]

unpopular opinion but i do not see karamatsu with any muscle whatsoever even if i try. i just. can't.

i mean lowkey. i see him w/ a lil meat on his bones (ie. dad bod or something like that)

[smersisk]

Osomatsu san is almost 10 years old. Sextuplets were supposed to be thirty-something by now.

Middle aged matsu headcanons, anyone?

Mine under a cut:

Oso: is a houseband to Nyaa-chan. Actually is REALLY good with kids (I haven't watched last movie idk how he was there)

Kara: came out as bi and now lives with his boyfriend. Doesn't take shit from his brothers anymore, they started respecting him. Works in a random grocery store.

Choro: lives alone, but he has a tulpa gf and Tacchan as friends. He's going crazy slowly and nobody cares enough to do something about it anymore. Found a job as a policeman.

Ichimatsu: the only one who's still a virgin, doesn't really care about it anymore. is a hetero life partner with Jyushimatsu and lives with him. He's happy this way, I promise.

Jyushimatsu: mourns the baseball career he's never had, it's all downhill once he starts getting old. Got on meds (thanks to Dekapan) and started studying, got a paramedic qualification. Works in emergency department. Dates Homura long-distance :3

Totty: married Totoko and had a child with her (I am sane and I am completely serious). Takes on Yowai surname and works in the family fish store. Their child unironically likes uncle Ichimatsu the most.