#or. well. at least make her death not be the end
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Got to thinking more about this today.
After Danny died, Vlad came completely unglued.
Despite losing Jack and Maddie to the Nasty Burger accident, Vlad was still going on with life and not visibly suffering. He was sympathetic toward Danny, concerned enough about him that he welcomed him into his home, but outwardly Vlad seemed well enough. (Was he trying to be strong for Danny?)
And when nothing Vlad presumably offered—wealth, friendship, a new home, a new life—would heal Danny's pain , he acquiesced to Danny’s request to remove his humanity.
Vlad was, by his own admission, helping Danny, doing anything and everything he could for him, even if it was something he disagreed with.
Look at his face. That is a man who has admitted defeat, who is doing something he doesn't want to do—or at least think is best. But he's doing it anyway. Honoring Danny's wishes.
All Danny wanted was to make the hurt go away. Maybe all Vlad wanted was to see Danny smile again.
I've heard some really cool, compelling theories that Vlad could have been lying about this entire experience, that he is an unreliable narrator telling Danny a minced or distorted version of the truth. But one thing is for sure, he didn't lie about this:
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Whatever you may believe about Vlad's narrative, whether it's true or false, he did regret the things he had done. It's one of the few honest, heartfelt things—if not the only honest, heartfelt thing—he said in the entire series.
Despite all of this, however, it was Danny's death that nixed any desire for him to go on with his life. He could have fought back against Dark Danny, used his money and knowledge to build better ghost hunting equipment, possibly even teamed up with Valerie and her dad instead of leaving them to become Amity Park's sole defense*. But he didn't. He gave up and turned into a sad, feeble old hermit living underground.
*Could Vlad have donated all his billions and inventions to Valerie and her father before going into recluse? He obviously wasn't using them anymore. With that and Fentons' leftover equipment, the Grays would have had the means to build that nice, effective ghost shield and defense system for Amity Park, turning it into an idyllic oasis.
In the end, was Vlad punishing himself for causing Danny's death? Or did losing Danny, that last connection to his best friend and also the woman he loved, finally kill his last little shred of hope?
It's interesting how Vlad just... gave up after Danny died in The Ultimate Enemy.
He didn't have his ghost powers anymore, but he still had his billions, that massive financial influence. But instead of rebuilding his castle, he chose to live in squalor in his lab
keeping his ghost portal working, wallowing in his grief/misery/remorse, with just a single old photo to keep him company.
Perhaps he'd had his ghost powers for so long that he thought he was nothing without them, and that's exactly what he became. Nothing.
In some ways, he was more of a ghost now than he had ever been.
#this is why the ultimate enemy is one of the most fascinating episodes in the series for me#hjbvids
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(holy shit was I not expecting anyone to like that previous Mouthwashing post—but thank you, genuinely for reading it and this one)
The Mouthwashing brain worms speak to me again—let's talk about hierarchy and caste and the implications in Mouthwashing one more time.
Say what you will about Jimothy's cowardly ass: he's not an idiot. The apathy of the crew is, at least, in part maintained by the top of the ladder: Curly and Pony Express.
Curly starts the game at the top of the ladder, able to help out a guy he perceives in a rough spot with a snap of his fingers, able to control how much sugar anyone got.. Able to control the food, the medicine, the weapons. Curly isn't the sort of person to abuse his power.
But he also isn't the type to use it.
Next up is Jaundice. His second in command, his (traitorous backstabber) right hand man. We'll get back to him.
No, who come next in this hierarchy can be debated—is Daisuke for his youth and potential or is it Swansea for his seniority? It could be both, depending upon the lens of examination. When the chips are down.. Or when they're still able to make a bet?
I'm going with Swansea, simply because of the fact that both Curly and Catastrophic Jameson's headass respect him. Neither of them really correct or step in to ask about his behavior with Daisuke, Jaundiced is more than happy to leave the room alone until it stands in his way and up until the chase sequence is largely unwilling to get into physical altercation.
Daisuke is next on the rung—an intern getting his due hazing. Young, plucky, clumsy, the aimless silver spooned baby of the crew. He wants to be liked by people in the higher rungs and he trusts in their authority. To his own detriment. But for the most part, he's neither too high for the responsibility or too low to really suffer in forced silence. He's protected.
Anya is not. As the sole woman of the crew, soft-spoken, heavily pregnant and forced to entertain her abuser's delusions of grandeur with the wreckage evidence of how far he's willing to go to get rid of her, rinse his mouth of her, all around them.. She starts the game on the bottom of the ladder—ignored, talked over, dismissed. People's—Curly and Catastrophe Jim—eyes skip over her without thinking. It's easy to dismiss her. Empathy is extended to her as an afterthought. Her death an inevitable tragedy. Because either way of framing it, without access to the ax or the gun, the ship was Jimothy's way of shutting her up for good and she knows it. In my previous post, I touched on the difference between the situations that Anya and Curly find themselves and in all honesty, it's defined by who finds themself at the bottom of the rung when Mr. J finds himself a way to the top.
And who else would it be but our resident golden boy himself, Captain Enablement—I mean, Curly. Now that he's completely disabled, useless and helpless.. He finds himself in a position even worse than Anya's. Both of them taking on the brunt of Jimmy's worldview—he's gotten way more than he bargained for from Anya and besides, she was a means to an end. At the moment of the assault, she was an object, the lower rung of the perceived ladder. It wasn't his fault, just look at her—And afterwards.. Well, this whole thing could also be framed as spite. Sneaking behind the golden boy's back and "stealing his girl" or whatever, maybe he knew that he'd be caught and wanted to see something other than Curly's gentle understanding. He wants more. And in direct opposite to Anya, Curly is the center of his world. The spindle upon which Jaundice's last steadily fraying thread of sanity spins. And what an awful place it is to be. He gets front row seats to hindsight truly becoming 20/20 vision when it's a barrel of shotgun—and you're jealous of the fact that it's not aimed at you. He suffers being consumed and thus consuming himself. Looking into why didn't Jimothy just cut up any of the others is a fascinating exercise. By the time he starts eating Curly, this is not the first time he's imagined Curly in the place of food—of nourishment. He imagines him in the place of cake—even the way that he cuts a part of Curly's leg is reminiscent of the way that Curly cuts into the cake. (yes, what the heck Curls but then again, gelatin probably feels weird to cut). Eating someone is often a taboo form of intimacy in media like Preacher's Daughter by Ethel Cain or Tokyo Ghoul..Listen. There's a reason why vore is popular.—it's the most violent type of intimacy.
It's the only type of intimacy Jimmy engages with on screen and yet—There's an equally fascinating intimacy in consuming yourself. And even that is ruined.. Being forced to eat your bile-covered offal again and again and again.. A memory that would scar on its own. But. With the implications of this being the one type of intimacy that Jimmy feels comfortable sharing combined with what the game says about rape culture have "good" men protect and enable their friends.. There's another angle of their friendship there.
Jimmy loves Curly as much as he hates him. He wants him to suffer. He wants him to live. He wants him dead. Who is saying I hope this hurts?
The hierarchy traps them in so many ways—and the first time we see it for what it is is with Curly. Not Jimmy. From Curly's perspective, we see him unfocused and exhausted and Anya offers him a helping ear and he can't accept it. He's the Captain. He can't be seen asking his subordinate for help. Jimmy was removed from the hierarchy in Curly's eyes. Maybe even at the same spot. Co-captains. Two peas in a pod—except one is a festering open wound and the other has his eyes tightly closed, quietly muttering he can fix it if he just gets a little bit more time.. Can't tell the difference between who's who?
Top or bottom of the hierarchy—awful and isolating for two men who claim to take responsibility. Both have some level of inferiority complex—a complex that I'd argue is the becoming the bread and butter of modern day society but is steadily starting to show the signs of where it's been baked into the perceptions of being a man—there is the fear of someone bigger, better and more capable of you.. But there's also that small quiet part that gets told men don't cry that desperately, desperately, wants to have no choice. Almost takes comfort in the idea of someone better than you.
And everyone in between their rungs gets crushed as collateral.
In a caste made by white supremacy, white able-bodied young men who meet societal standards for being in their prime are at the top. Old enough to know better, young enough to play stupid have potential. Just look at all our promising young rapists men with their whole lives ahead of them.
On a ship like the Tulpar, that hierarchy gets a necessary edge—the Captain is the most useful person aboard the ship, the most needed. The man of the proverbial house. The co-captain is like being called vice president—made only as important as the person in that role can make it. Otherwise it's a hollow consolation prize. And Jimothy can't work an honest day in his life. So it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then would be the nurse but.. It's a feminine job, a pink collar job through and through. If Anya had been a man, the jokes would have been targeted at her masculinity but as she is a woman, the role and her usefulness to the crew are invisible necessities. The quiet labor and genius that keeps great men going. I think people underestimate how much work goes into even passing the N-CLEX to become an RN. Anya was trying to get into medical school—she studied the human body extensively and in all honesty, the way that I've read it is (especially with the context clues of her being overlooked continuously) she just wasn't important enough to help out. Medical textbooks are expensive on their own and tests can be upwards of 2,000 dollars (my sources: my mom had to take the N-CLEX 3 times when I was much younger and the financial strain was ridiculous especially if you want to get in on a study group).. And Anya clearly worked for that goal. You don't throw that kind of money at anything else but the goal—the one you could just swear would make it all worth it. Maybe if she was Doctor Anya, the crew would've treated her better.. Her usefulness cemented and people would question how such a nervous woman made it through medical school.. Maybe it would have made Jimmy worse. There's nothing hollow about being a doctor after all.
But Anya is Anya and so Swansea, the mechanic is useful. He keeps the ship going and Daisuke in line. Bitter Knowledge and the Dog Days of Youth.
Wasted Potential (double entendre) and Boundless, Wasting Potential.
Immediately useful and eager to be useful.
Then there's Post-Crash Curly. And I must stress, your usefulness is not your value as a person. But then again, where would ableism find its footing save for such a sad hierarchy? And let's call a spade a spade, once Curly loses his ability to interact with the world as he once did, his skin literally peeled open to expose the soft inner flesh to the cruelty of the world, his small bit of usefulness as a Captain gone.. Most people on the ship act accordingly. Daisuke and Swansea, their places on the ladder's rung unchanged fairly quickly become enured to Curly's cries of pain. Anya, the closest to the his newfound rung.. Continues to care for him, unable to free him as he was unable to free her. Jimmy is all too happy to grind his boot in Curly's face as many times as he can. Until he feels better.
But he won't. He can't.
The game touches on the haves vs the have-nots a lot as well as the creeping sense of human work becoming obsolete, that body horror in being made useless by your own complicity but where it absolutely shines in Jimmy and Swansea—especially Swansea's final speech—is the messaging about the never-ending demand for more, for greener pastures leaving you hollow and bitter. Curly seemed well-aware of Swansea's thought process and leaves him be but internally agrees and fears that ending if he stays in the Captaincy for too much longer.
And that's where I think Jimmy really thinks it was a win-win for him and Curly. He truly doesn't think of the pain that Curly must find himself in, worsened by the constant beatings and continual medical assault. He doesn't think about it as anything more than Curly being a nuisance. One more way that Curly just didn't trust him not to fuck up his eyes eternally trapped in the cold hate and fear as he watches Jimmy proceed to ruin the one thing he took pride in as the metaphorical man of the house: keeping the crew safe.
Jimmy thinks of himself as the son who stayed faithful, worked himself to the bone, only to receive scraps while his undeserving brother is celebrated and lauded.
Within the hierarchy, the system is only as "good" as who remains on top. And "good" people, blindly faithful and eternally forgiving, aren't ruthless enough to stay up there for long.
Jimmy's not a good person but he's not stupid. And he's very ruthless. While there may have been somewhat of a hierarchical situation before he joined the crew, it's clear from his conversations with Anya, Curly valued a more lateral role system as he felt trapped in Pony Express's all-consuming ladder over Jimmy's rigid rungs of better and worse.
But over and over, he isolated the crew to their sectors. Over and over, he demeaned Anya, insulted her and Curly. Leaned into the insults of Daisuke. Left Swansea alone for the most part.
Anya, as much as it pains me to admit this, could have worked with Swansea earlier. But would that have worked? What about Daisuke—the younger version of Curly's eternal optimistic "I've never seen the dead pixel" attitude? The isolation absolutely worked. There's no imagining a world in which it doesn't work unless you imagine the crew as better than they are.
And that's just one more tragedy we can't rinse out of mouths with mouthwash.
#creative writing#anya mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#i'm sorry#He was mentioned#daisuke mouthwashing#swansea mouthwashing#More brainworms#character analysis
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May never come to reality but im planning out a Animatic to AJR's 'Maybe Man' (sue me) and need some help filling in some of the parts.
(Its probably going to be about all the life series in general not specifically Wild life. but feel free to try it fit it all in one series)
!!!long post incoming!!!
General plan so far:
First Half(ish) will be calmly looking at hermits in their peaceful habitats talking about their insecurities.
Finishing the first half when we get to the god part it will be Grian before life series started pleading to watchers and becoming one himself then cutting to him and all the other lifers standing around in a circle (like the start of each series) (much wow)
ONE. TWO. PANDEMONIUM.
murder, just all of the scenes of people dying biggest polt twist, betrayals, and Amount of kills.
Also specifically a close up of grain seeing the server burning in the reflection of his eyes.
ending with another shot of the beginning of a server but we see grains eyes which are weathered and worn out and maybe has some watcher purple
Specific Lines:
Wish I was a stone, so I couldn't feel You'd yell in my face, it'd be no big deal But I'd miss the way we make up and smile Don't want to be stone, I changed my mind
Im thinking scar and Grian Desert Duo? also could be
I wish I had eyes in the back of my head Then I could see the places I've been But then I would know that you're talkin' shit I don't wanna know what my friends think
This im Deff thinking cleo bigb scott and lizzie from the Boogeyman series (i forgor wich one that is)
but open to other ideas
Wish I were my dog out on the lawn I'd be so glad when I hear you come home But if I were my dog, I wouldn't live long I'm sure gonna miss her when she's gone
This is pearl playing with a dog, you cannot fucking make me change my mind
I wish I could act in a show on TV 'Cause then I could practice not bein' me I'll practice my cry, put it into my reel But you won't believe me when I cry for real
im either thinking like Ren or Martyn because of the acting thing or one of the scenes usually portrayed as lots of crying (ie Scott at the end of double life)
I wish that my brain would triple in size I'd nail every joke, I'd win every fight But I'd get too deep with that kind of mind I don't wanna know the point of life
ive been thinking of this as jimmy in general but also i dont want to be mean so other ideas would be great
In some other life I would be rich I'd travel in style, I'd cover the bill But couldn't complain 'bout anything small Nobody'd feel bad for me at all
havent given much thought for ones after this but im thinking Scar on Magic mountain trying to scam everyone?
If I was cocaine or a bottle of Jack I'd get invited to every frat But when you get old and your good days have passed You'll only want me when you're sad
have there been any people that bounce between alliances during one series?
Wish I was a song, your favorite one You'd follow the dance to me at your prom I would be there when your baby is born For two or three minutes, then I'm gone
there was at least one dande floor that was a trap, right??
I wish I was big, as big as my house I'd sleep on the trees, I'd skip every crowd But I wouldn't fit on my therapist's couch God, I could really use him now
probably ep1 of WildLife
I wish I was God, I'd never trip up And if I did, well, so fuckin' what? I could be cruel and break all your stuff Yeah, I'd be loved no matter what
pov grain angst
grain is on super windy mountain top surrounded by watchers crying, pleading to them
But if I was God, it'd get kinda weird 'Cause you would only say what I wanna hear And then you would die, you'd love me to death I never know who the hell I am
grian is surrounded by purple light wings and eyes becoming at least in part, a watcher
I wish I was me, whoever that is I could just be and not give a shit Hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan 'Cause I don't know who the hell I am
cut to peaceful tranquil plains, all of them jn a circle at beginning of life series laughing joking shaking hands hugging (set em up for emotional damage)
One, two, pandemonium
black, black, PAN DE MONIUM
cut to destruction of server only using reds browns and blacks showing carnage this series has brought (and yes ofc player has died messages will appear in the corner as if in chat)
One, two, pandemonium
im thinking each line will be each of the series in chronological order
Here I go again
One, two, pandemonium
Here I go again
One, two, pandemonium
One, two-
Here I go again
cut to beginning of ?wild life? they all have scars when their final kills have been, some look tired some look determined
if you end up making this animatic if you want to put me in the credits as like 'inspired by' :3 but honestly idc that much. but you HAVE to tell me if you post one bc i will watch the hell out of that
#god i need more tags
#traffic smp#traffic series#last life#double life#third life#life series#ajr#animatic#help#ideas#outline#grian#mumbo#goodtimeswithscar#skizzleman#implusesv#geminitay#tangotek#joel smallishbeans#ldshadowlady#zombiecleo#bigb#bdoubleo100#martyn inthelittlewood#scott smajor#rendog#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#pearlescentmoon#ethoslab
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Thank you for answering the question!
So, the idea I have for the request with the Trio + Greta is this:
You know how when Edouard was killed and his body was used to be turned into a night creature, and even though he was a night creature, still saved Annette?
How would the Trio + Greta react to going through that scenario like what happened between Annette and Edouard? As in, them taking the place of Annette while their friend taking the place of Edouard.
A/N: Sorry for taking forever to answer this, it's been months. Oh my god, time flies! Can someone please make it stop?! But back to the topic at hand, I have to say I went into Nocturne all hyped for Maria (and while I still love her so much, she’s best girl!), I also fell in love with Edouard’s character. He’s so sweet and sensitive, and I appreciate how he encouraged the others to be open and vulnerable to acknowledge/process their grief. I recall a tumblr post that was like these Nocturne characters’ are facing the same problems as their predecessors, but at least this time, their emotional IQs have gone way up! So *fingers crossed*, here’s hoping the main cast won’t get as traumatized this time around. (Oh, who am I kidding? It’s Castlevania. Of course, they’re all gonna end up traumatized.)
Oh, and I wrote this in the third person as opposed to a first-person Reader-Insert, I hope that’s okay!
TW: Brief Mentions of Violence; Death; Heavy Angst (Reader Beware!)
The Trio + Greta React to Their GN! Friend Getting Turned Into a Night Creature:
Trevor:
In the heat of battle, he barely has time to register, much less process, his friend’s death.
By the time the fight is over and he’s realized what’s happened, it feels like the wind has been knocked out of his chest, and he’s already begun to blame himself, regardless of whether or not it was his fault.
He’s a Belmont, he should've known better. Simply by associating with them, he was practically digging his friends’ grave. He shouldn’t have let them come along, he should've scared them away. Fuck! Why didn’t he push them away like he did everyone else? Out of all of the people to stay and get put in danger, why did it have to be the one person he cared so much about?
So in his guilt and grief, Trevor does what he does best: drink. He drinks to excess the first night without his friend at his side. And as well as the second. And then the third.
If he’s with Sypha and Alucard (and/or Greta in Village Belmont at the time of his friend’s death, this is the point where they'd step in and cut off his booze.) If Trevor’s alone, however, you can bet he spends a good week or so drunk as a skunk, and completely out of his mind.
When the alcohol doesn’t numb the pain anymore, he tries to jump ahead to acceptance, telling himself that it was unavoidable, that his curse will always rob him of his happiness, of his friends and family in the end. Of course, like some sick twisted turn of fate, just as he accepts it was out of his hands, a familiar face re-enters his life.
When Trevor first encounters his friend as a night creature, he doesn’t recognize that it’s them straight away. He’s a monster hunter and he attacks on autopilot— monsters’ appearances be damned. And when he does finally recognize that this night creature has been forged from the body of his deceased friend, he assumes, like all the other forged creatures he’s fought before, that it’s merely his friend’s corpse being used as a vessel for a damned soul.
Then Trevor loses his footing as well as his weapon. But when his former friend turned night creature has a chance to deal Trevor a scathing blow, they hesitate, and instead choose to stare Trevor down rather than attack him. It’s at this moment, that Trevor realizes with a lurch of his stomach, that this isn’t a night creature in the body of his friend, but that this night creature is his friend.
He thinks he’s going to be sick, but before that happens a separate night creature aims to attack. Trevor quickly crawls to retrieve his whip only to turn around to see that he doesn’t need it: his night creature friend turns on its fellow beasts and rips them apart limb by limb.
The two of them sit in the deafening silence that follows, each one eyeing the other up, waiting for someone to finally break the spell of concentration and make their move.
Trevor’s friend moves first, speaking in a rough, deep voice: “Tre..v..or,” it manages to get out.
As much as it pains him, as much as he knows his next move will haunt him for the rest of his natural life, Trevor blinks away the tears threatening to fall from his eyes, and charges ever so quickly towards the creature. His former friend turned monster has no time to react to what’s happening by the time Trevor’s knife is piercing through their chest.
“I’m sorry…” Trevor rasps out, guilt beginning to consume him once again. “‘S all my fault.”
Trevor is the last Belmont alive. Belmonts were trained to find and kill monsters. At least, that’s what Trevor keeps telling himself as he looks down at the corpse of his friend for the second time.
Belmonts hunt monsters, and they protect people.
And yet, standing there, Trevor feels that’s never been more of a lie.
Sypha:
Sypha tries like hell to save her friend, she really does. She creates defensive ice shields, rings of fire, hell even an ice cube around her friend all in an attempt to keep them safe from harm during battle.
But no matter what she tries, no matter how incredible she is at multitasking: it’s not enough. Something happens, something else gets her attention, someone else’s immediate safety takes precedence. Just for one moment, she turns her back on her friend, assuming they’d be alright for that long.
When Sypha returns to find her friend dying or dead, she lets out the most guttural scream, as icicles and fireballs rain down from the sky above her effectively squashing any remaining enemies. In her grief, her power surges through her, unstoppable like a nuclear reaction. She doesn’t just strike her enemies dead, she obliterates what remains of their corpses until they are nothing but ash and smoke.
Sypha, being from a large nomadic family, takes it upon herself to track down her friends' surviving relatives (if they have any) and bring their remains back to them. Being the kind of curious person Sypha is, she’s likely to know a fair amount about her friends' culture and religion. If there are specific burial rites she knows her friend would have liked observed, she wants them adhered to and she refuses to leave her friend's corpse until they’ve been officially put to rest.
But on her journey back (either to her friend’s family or the cemetery outside of Village Belmont), she’s attacked on the road by rogue vampires. Luckily, she and her companions make it out unscathed. Unfortunately, however, it seems those monsters have taken her friends' corpses with them.
Sypha mourns for a second time, not only the loss of her friend’s life but the loss of any closure she might have been hoping to create. Despite them no longer living, she feels as if she’s somehow managed to let them down a second time.
The next time she’s defending a crowd of folks against hordes of night creatures, Sypha is extra cautious, her friend’s death still fresh on her mind. And as the cruel mistress fate would have it, the image of her friend becomes real in front of her. Only this time, they’ve changed. They’ve mutated into something beastly with scales, claws, and horns, leaving only their face— eyes, nose, and mouth— and voice unchanged.
Initially, Sypha refuses to listen to this fraudulent night creature’s words, deeming their entire resemblance nothing more than a devilish trick. But when their former friend-turned-night-creature suddenly turns on its fellow beasts, tearing them apart before they can attack Sypha or her friends, Sypha is forced to confront the possibility that this creature still has her friend's soul trapped inside.
Sypha keeps up her defensive magic and ushers everyone else away. She makes it so it’s just her and her former friend left standing out on the battlefield.
Keeping a flame in one hand, Sypha raises the other in greeting, her large eyes widening as the creature mirrors her movements.
Sypha’s torn. On one hand, if her friend’s soul is still in there, they could be trapped and suffering, waiting for the release of either death or salvation to set them free, much like how her soul was trapped when she lost to the Cyclops. On the other hand, if her friend is still in there somewhere, maybe it’s only their form that’s changed, and their personality has not. Is it possible for a night creature to exist and not be violent?
It’s one hell of a risk to take, however. And Sypha knows she can’t risk the fate of Village Belmont, of all those orphan children, hell, of her children, because of a guilty conscience.
“Leave,” she says, advancing towards her former friend. “Do not return!” She sends a blast of fire in their general direction, herding them away.
“Go!” She screams, sending even greater flames.
The night creature frowns, backing up, confused. They cock their head to the side as if to ask why Sypha’s doing this. The confusion lasts only a moment before a hardened expression comes over them. They slowly nod before dragging their monstrous body far beyond the tree line, far away from Village Belmont.
Through her teary blurred vision, Sypha watches her former friend-turned-monster leave, a look of sorrow on both their faces.
Sypha makes a mental note to research ways of freeing her friend from their curse, should she come across them again. In the meantime, she hopes for their safety and asks that God (as much as he hates her) take mercy on her companion.
Sypha feels their current existence is punishment enough.
Alucard:
Alucard is not there when his friend is killed, a fact that haunts him long after their demise. He was not present for his Mother’s death either, and due to the manner of her murder, he was left without a body to mourn. Alucard knows fate is a cruel mistress, but to repeat such a grief with his dear friend, it’s almost too much to bear.
Still, Alucard’s not one to actively wallow, so he sulks for a short period before returning to his many duties as protector and curator of his father’s castle and the Belmont hold. He plays with the children, he and Greta teach the willing adults how to fight, and he even takes to cleaning up his old nursery to welcome Trevor’s and Sypha's incoming child.
On all outside fronts, Alucard appears the same as he was, but on the inside, his chest aches, and his stomach weighs heavily in his gut. Internally, he’s full of ‘what-ifs’:
Perhaps, if he taught his friend more defensive techniques before the battle. Or if he had only encouraged them to run rather than fight, they might still be here within these cold castle walls. Sure, he and the others may have ended up teasing his friend for being cowardly, and Alucard’s certain that would embarrass them, but my god— what’d Alucard give for his friend to be alive and embarrassed rather than dead.
After some time, Alucard finds his mind less and less occupied by his sorrow over his friend’s demise, and instead, begins to fill the space with fond memories. He recalls their first meeting, their first fight together, and their first night wandering the ruins of the Belmont hold.
Their ill-fated reunion starts with an alert from one of the watchtowers, then a second yell from a guard, before Alucard finds himself running, magical blade drawn, into a horde of beastly night creatures.
Aluccard’s on them before they can set upon the other guards. He makes quick work of two with his longsword and wounds a third with his claws. None of the night creatures' attacks are surprising, with every move they make, either Alucard or another fighter such as Greta can slice them down where they stand.
All appears to be well in hand when a rough voice calls for help just beyond the tree line. Wasting no time, Alucard proceeds alone, instructing the others to hang back in the instance it’s a trap.
To Alucard’s credit, it is a trap. Just not the one he was expecting.
A night creature, more on the smaller side, emerges from the shadows on all fours. On its side a large wound gushes red, the mark appearing to be from another creature as opposed to a human blade.
But that is not what catches Alucard’s attention. Rather, it is the voice of the night creature that sounds so similar.
With rising horror, frozen in place Alucard watches as the twisted, tortured body of his former friend pulls itself closer and closer. The creature pleads with Alucard by name, begging for their friend to make the pain stop.
It is not the first time Alucard has seen such magic. When the rebis reanimated in his childhood bedroom, he could see the souls of his parents struggling to house themselves within the rebis’ one body. It was such a horrifying sight, Alucard had to close his eyes and look away, but here, with his former friend’s clawed hand gripping his shin, no such possibility exists.
Alucard knows what he must do, he knows it’s only fair to end his friend’s life, to prevent them from suffering any further torment. Then why can’t he do it?
Alucard raises his blade using magic, preparing to slice his friend’s head off cleanly, when the creature lets out a final gurgle before falling still.
The blade continues to hover in the air as Alucard falls to his knees weeping. Somehow every time he believes to be past this pain, even more befalls him.
Alucard allows himself to grieve, hoping this time is the last.
Greta:
Greta’s no stranger to loss. She’s lost several men and villagers to the night creature attacks long before Alucard came into the picture. Being the Village Head, she’s found she’s left with little time to grieve, but perhaps, that is for the better.
Once Village Belmont is established, and Alucard is reunited with his friends, Greta allows herself to mourn the loss of her villagers, showing their remains respect by burying them in the Village Belmont cemetery. Of course, not every one of her lost friends has a body to bury.
In one of the night creature’s original attacks, they had taken the corpses of their victims as well as some folks still alive, presumably to eat or devour later.
One of Greta’s dear friends was among them, and while she wishes more than anything she could have held their hand and comforted them as they bled out, as she did a handful of others, there’s no going back to change the past— what’s done is done.
Greta takes a vote, and the villagers agree to put up a Gravemarker anyway, just as a way of honoring their memory.
It happens just as she exits the castle to give the good news of the arrival of Sypha and Trevor’s new baby. The many houses around Castlevania are lit up with merriment when a handful of stray monsters decide to attack.
Greta takes the lead on the defense, holding her own until she finds herself accidentally backed into a corner one night by a creature that almost looks like an overgrown dog. She’s surprised she let herself be so foolish but she’s even more surprised by the beast’s refusal to strike.
Confused, Greta analyzes the creature further, gasping in shock when she recognizes the pair of eyes that stare back at her. It couldn’t be. Could it? And if it is, what does this mean?
Greta thinks back to when she first met Alucard. Granted, she and her people knew he was not human, but his reputation as a savior preceded him. Perhaps, she considers, it is possible then, for a night creature to also go against its primal nature and choose the same.
She manages to push the creature back, calling for other armed members to surround it until Alucard can come and get a better look. Greta asks the dhampir what he thinks, if it’s possible this is her friend transformed, or if she’s letting sentiment get the better of her.
Alucard admits that he’s read of certain necromancers and forge masters possessing the ability to maintain pre-existing souls when forging newly twisted monsters, however, this particular experience would be a first. It could very well be Greta’s friend, their soul in this body, but it could also just be their corpse.
They decide to consult Trevor.
The three of them discuss back and forth as to what to do with this miniature night creature so long Sypha herself comes out, demanding to know why the hell she just left her newborn with a midwife to come get Trevor’s disappearing ass who said he’d be right back before walking out after the birth of their firstborn son?!
Everyone ends up at a loss.
Unphased by all the arguing, the night creature has since started to playfully catch sticks and stones, which some braver children have thrown at them.
Sypha agrees to leash the night creature within a magic circle until they can figure out what to do with it. At this point, the night creature curls up into a ball of scales and fur and promptly falls asleep.
“Well,” Greta says, “I suppose we didn’t need that Gravemarker after all.”
A/N: Sorry for the sort of cop-out ending with Greta’s, I just couldn't bring myself to end hers on a sad note as well, so instead, she gets a night creature guard dog bff to accompany her around Village Belmont! Also, if I had to pick a Castlevania character to be surprisingly chill about their friend becoming a reanimated creature, it’d be her. (Well, Hector first and then Greta but you see my point.)
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#trevor belmont x reader#sypha belnades x reader#alucard x reader#alucard castevania#greta castlevania#greta x reader#castlevania#hc#trevor belmont#sypha belnades#alucard tepes#greta danesti
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She would nod with his words about the planet's as she ate some more, working on her true decision for this planet they were on. In truth she could tell that the people were sour, but the planet was still healthy and thriving. With that in mind, she knew there were to many criminals and corrupt wealthy people to allow them to move to another planet, the wouldn't survive with how sour they were, something which screwed over the innocent. But, such was the business that a proper destroyer had to do.
"I agree with you on that. I even if such happens with the planet's I feel like it would be particularly rare for two planet's to basically be clones of each other. If such a thing was possible, I place my bet on a ruler of all placing some failsafe to make sure they develop differently."
Truthfully, all she could see was the hassle of trying to erase one planet if it clipped into the other through the fabric of reality, she would likely have to do both as she didn't see how shs could do know without the other getting in the way. She would much on a few more peices, the last few of the second one before she starts cutting up the third one into equal chunks. She had business to do and she also couldn't wait to try that tantalizing icy treat that was beckoning to her from the corner of her eye.
"I'll be ready half an hour before then, I find it easier to start getting ready early so the I can relax a bit before the date. I already have a dress in mind to wear for you as well~."
It was I'm truth that she was thinking of such when he told her that he would pick her up at fourteenth hour of next weeks Friday. She was happy that they were going to be going out soon, such excited her to say the least. As he spoke about how she was spoiling him and how the offer sounded too good to be true, she would work in the third peice of meat, enjoying it every bit as much as the last two. The concern that seemed to be in his voice about her giving and giving without asking for anything back and how it would likely feel like he as using her in the long run would grab her attention.
However, speaking wasn't an option as she was chering what was im her mouth and swallowing it before she spoke, but Kefla had already gotten to her. She felt her face become trapped between his fingers as her face was tilted towards him and his lips pressed against her. A kiss she would enjoy as she would reciprocate for the amount of time before it ended, a small pout on her face.
"The kiss is of good payment. But of course you can think about it, I wasn't going to force myself upon you to protect you. I know that you're a perfectly capable fighter and that you can handle yourself."
If anything, he had her number. Though she wondered if he would call if things started getting rough because of another destroyer? She would continue to eat until it was finished, but before she would grab the ice-cream she would get up.
"Excuse me for a moment, Kefla. I have to make a phone call."
With that she would walk off to the edge of the clearing she made and pull out her phone, finding the number of the one she needed to call. The father of her son and, in a sense, her husband; Coldarder. The embodiment of death is who she needed right now considering she was going to spare the planet, such ment a mass soul reap was needed.
"Oh, hello honey~."
The start of the conversation, one of a friendly tone as she was greeting someone she cared for. Her hand going up to twirl a lock of her hair as she listened to the other for a moment.
"Yeah, I need you to come to the planet I'm on right now. No, the planet's fine, it's just the people that need to go."
She was going to be quick and straight to the point, she saw no need for her to dilly dally on this. Coldarder needed to know why she called, though internally she was excited to see him as it's been a few weeks at least.
"You'll be here in about a quarter hour? I see, your just finishing up somewhere else. Got it. I love you to my dear~."
Her last words were filled with affection for her husband, he also wasn't one to beat around the bush. It happned to be long ago that they made the rule that of the planet they were on needed either of them while they were on it that they could call each other. If the planet he was on needed to be erased or the it was just the bodies, he would call her. If she needed him to mass reap some souls so she could erase them, she would call him. Though, they also called each other for other things, to talk and share.
However, now that she was done on the phone, she would return to the clearing and sit back down ik her seat.
"I'm baaack~. Hope you didn't miss me too much while I was gone~."
She teased, she was being playful with Kefla now. Obviously she wasn't gone or that far away, but she didn't see the harm as she now leaned on her hand while looking at him.
One thing was certain with the woman. She loved eating good food. It was why Beerus had decided against vaporizing Earth. To think Champa wanted the planet Earth of another universe merely to satisfy his tastebuds despite not having any need to eat and drink. Destroyer gods were strange people. That's logical if you think about it. There is no planet that is the same as another. Just like, there is no universe that is the exact copy of another. If two planets were perfectly identical, why would they exist at the same time? Then again, gods of creation were probably not any better than gods of destruction. Champa was overweight and so was the supreme kai who was his life link. Strange that the god of destruction was this powerful and the god of creation couldn't even defend themselves against the weakest of opponent. Must be a bad joke from that brat.
In that case, the Friday next week at fourteen. I'll come pick you up. Since she is eager to taste. He doesn't intend to make her wait for long. Oh, and make sure to wear something that shows your curves off. Surely, you don't expect to just drink at my house, right? With what has already happened between them. No point in beating around the bush. Even if unsaid, it is likely that the drinking session will turn into something more physical.
You spoil me quite a lot, Deaevidra. I suppose it would be idiotic of me to refuse such a proposal. So, how about you let me think about this? It sounds too good to be true if I'm honest, and you're doing plenty of things for a man you have just met. I hope you don't intend to just give and give without asking anything in return. Feeling like I'm using you is not a good feeling, frankly. Until an idea came to mind. Probably not enough to repay the kindness of the goddess, but he could not think of anything else. Chair pushed backward and steps taken to the divinity. Face held between fingers and lips pressed against the other's lips. Ravenous, steamy and full of passion, then stopped. I guess you can consider this payment unless you want more, which I can't offer right now.
#viciousoverlord#♡【it's a surprise that a mortal such as yourself was able to make a home in my hearts – kefla】♥︎#♤ euphorion timeline ♤#》 a fallen destroyer with a devil may care attitude – deaevidra
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The Half-Ghost and The Travelers
The Ghost Zone connects to multiple different worlds. So when Tucker upgraded Danny’s computer to route its internet through the Zone to have connection anywhere, it coincidentally also allowed him to connect to other worlds too.
Once he realized this, Danny started to occasionally try out games from those alternate worlds.
Amongst those was a multiplayer game called Ransack. It may not have stood out too much to him on its own, but he managed to make some online friends through it. They were members of computer gaming club from their world’s version of Madison, Wisconsin.
And then one day they completely dropped off the grid.
So of course he tried to look for them. Online friends losing contact isn’t uncommon, but a whole group vanishing at once without any warning? That was worrying to him.
The plot only thickened when he saw on that world’s news that an entire building in their city had been suddenly torn away through a rift in space.
Now he really needed to track them down…
(or in more direct words: a Danny Phantom - Worm crossover where Danny was online friends with the Travelers prior to them being pulled to Earth Bet by the Simurgh, and he sets out to try and learn what happened to them (and, once he finds out, to try to help them))
#could danny actually help them? idk#but having an un-Simurgh’d friend from a world the Shards aren’t focused on can’t hurt right?#who knows? maybe ghost medicine could fix noelle ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#or. well. at least make her death not be the end#danny phantom crossover prompt#danny phantom crossover#dp crossover#worm crossover prompt#parahumans worm crossover prompt#worm crossover#parahumans crossover#danny phantom x worm crossover#danny phantom x parahumans crossover#dp x worm#dp x parahumans#danny phantom x worm#danny phantom x parahumans#danny phantom#parahumans#parahumans worm#tbh i’ve been trying to come up with a good prompt for this crossover for some time now#and this isn’t a perfect idea in the slightest but it is *an* idea#which is more than nothing
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sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go
#the locked tomb#harrowhark nonagesimus#john gaius#harrow the ninth#this is why I don't buy john as misunderstood and initially well-meaning AT ALL#this is a pattern you see with him again and again and again -- right down to his interpersonal relationships#(and indeed it's in the more grounded interpersonal relationships you can most clearly see him as he is I think#the fantasy death empire of a thousand years doesn't register quite as viscerally because it's like. heightened; not quite real#but the emotional violence and manipulation that surrounds him? oh boy that is EXTREMELY real and scarily well-observed)#there's a premeditation to so much of what he does (contracts with planets that only end 'in the event of the emperor's death' anyone?#yeah john we get it you're hilarious and I wish you weren't)#the greatest trick john ever pulled was making anyone think he's just a lil guy. what does he know he's only god#when you first read the book the complete callousness of the other adults is so horrible that john seems like an oasis of care#(though you start to get this uneasy feeling when that care never seems to translate to like... relief or soothing or resolution)#and it makes it feel almost obscene when you find out what's actually going on#it's the mercy & augustine enabler hour but at least they're completely honest in their cruelty there#while john is -- well he sure is being john huh#this is just me being angry with him btw philosophically I don't think this is how the story will or should end#(with john slam dunked right into hell that is)#it's just... harrow is so vulnerable. and what he does to her is so insidious and fucked up#john is very deeply human. unfortunately the capacity to quite simply suck so much is deeply human too
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Re: TLovM episodes 3x07-3x09
#critical role#the legend of vox machina#tlovm#tlovm spoilers#for my tags#tag edit: I typo'd season 2 instead of 3 you saw nothing#I can see why they've made certain changes like keeping Percy deader dead and longer vs all the deaths VM had in-game#and I am liking them bc it keeps you on your toes even if you watched campaign 1 and/or are familiar with it#bc all the in-game deaths can definitely make death feel trivial when they can get res'd easily by a high level party with resources#and for the show they have to make them stick more WHICH MAKES ME WONDER PROBABLY THE SAME THING EVERYONE ELSE IS#WHAT COOL NEW SHIT ARE THEY DOING FOR THE FINAL 3 SEASON 3 EPS#ALSO KASHAW!! OH NO!!! THE HIMBO!#I get the inkling that they're leading towards a thematically heavy moment in the last 3 episodes of the season based on a lot of what#happened in these three and OH BOY SHIT IS NOT GOING TO DE-ESCALATE MUCH BY EP 12 WHEW IT'S GONNA KEEP GOING#I bet Raishan infecting Keyleth is going to play into that as well if ep 12 ends with them confronting her#at least it looked like she may have infected her - an insurance policy bc if VM and Thordak have to find a cure then she can get it too#olessan oration#also RIP in pieces Thordak you magnificent bastard#also THAT WAS MATT SINGING IN EP 7 CREDITS??#also everyone being v cute in between all the serious goings-on
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I’m insinuating your work is biased because everybody has a bias when it comes to their interpretation of the work
By the same token, all of your arguments are invalid. Everybody has a bias when it comes to their interpretation of the work, after all.
Now, with that out of the way,
had you actually linked canon material that explicitly states he was at peace with his sisters death,
Photo of a Lie's description is right there. It doesn't cease to exist just because you refuse to acknowledge it.
consciously chose to kill her, or that he wasn’t restrained
Still waiting on sources other than one blurry photo, by the way.
and how he chose to be honest, even if that took a while,
He did that for himself and himself alone.
And those things explain his behavior. I don’t believe it's an excuse, I believe it an explanation to get into his mindset.
You've used those things as arguments in defense of what Sunny did, which is what excusing those actions is.
he does do something with that regret by the end of the best (and canon!) ending, he does admit to the truth
Are you seriously arguing I should applaud Sunny because he did one (1) good thing at the very end of the game?
he doesn’t feel at peace because she’s dead, he felt more at ease because he thinks that the problem has solved itself
Well, yes. That's the point I was making. He feels at peace because he won't have to suffer any repercussions, and this sentiment outweighs the shock at seeing his (ostensibly) beloved sister hanged.
That's not the reaction an average 12 yo would have. As such, Sunny's age is not a valid mitigating circumstance.
By your logic of “Mari was mean doesn’t count cause they never showed us” the captions from the truth photos don’t count because they aren’t in the game period.
My point was that Mari's perfectionism isn't really given any attention despite being the reason the argument happened in the first place.
show me Sunny’s criminal record including sexual assault, battery, and murder
He has murder at most and voluntary manslaughter at least under his belt, that's for sure. Maybe complicity in Basil's cover-up too lol.
Sunny is forgivable because he was a child who was not in a good rational mindset and made an impulsive decision with much more dire consequences than anticipated
Jimmy is not forgivable because he was an adult who had to make several conscious decisions to do what he did and does nothing but repeat his horrible behaviour
Both games are about forgiveness but two completely different ends of that spectrum. Omori is about how forgiveness can be healing and help those recover, and mouthwashing is about how sometimes forgiveness does nothing but enable horrible people to continue their abusive behaviour
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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You still cling to naive ideals. I learned, at a very young age, the only currency worth anything in this world is power.
#aliasedit#alias#irina derevko#lena olin#userthing#tvarchive#alexander khasinau#arvin sloane#gerard cuvee#jack bristow#cuvee x irina#irina x jack#irina x khasinau#irina x sloane#myedit#irina wants power to make up for all the countless times she felt powerless.#khasinau is different from others in such way that there's no indication that he held any kind of power over her in the 'present'.#her decision to kill him wasn't based on emotions; wasn't based on a disagreement or because he crossed a line he shouldn't have.#it only had to be done to put sark into power (read: to put her personal pet project who's easier to control into power).#and that decision says more about her relationship with sark than about her relationship with khasinau at the time of his death.#but the potential for khasinau to betray her was always there. at least in irina's mind.#the potential to seize the control he once had over her and her life back. and she made sure that potential died with him.#because the idea of surrendering to the cia with him on the outside -#the idea of putting her life in his hands for the first time in twenty years - wasn't something she could accept. understandable!#still - i can't get over how it's something she could accept with sark.#how khasinau's experience or their shared history of more than 35 years;#how they've clearly reached an understanding in all those years or how she made him the face of her own organization;#none of that mattered in the end. she still couldn't rely on him fully.#and she didn't trust him enough to catch her after her (carefully constructed and planned) fall.#poi's root voice: i knew you boys would catch me! well irina only knew that for certain about sark.
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I support the "Batman was unfairly biased to Stephanie for XYZ reasons" crowd so strongly bc DC claims that Bruce is a master planner who is able to understand anyone's psychology but he didn't realize that literally every single one of Steph's problems as a teenager would've been solved by her joining a shitty punk band. If he couldn't figure that much out then he didn't understand her for a minute
#ramblings of a lunatic#PLEASE TALK TO ME I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON STEPHANIE IN A SHITTY PUNK BAND#her bandmates have turned into ocs it's stage 5 at this point boys#anyway what is steph dealing w/ pre-52 as spoiler that got her in hot water?#1. the anger issues. easily fixed by her getting to scream about beating her dad to death without actually doing it#2. nobody fucking listens to her (including batman). well when u are playing music ppl are definitely fucking listening#3. has no non-batfam friends and thus ends up feeling abandoned almost every time she gets kicked out of the group. bandmates are friends!#don't like being in your shitty house? go to your band mates house and jam!#need to articulate the anger issues in a way that doesn't disturb your frazzled paranoid boyfriend? write angsty songs!#also I do genuinely have a lot of thoughts on how music was applied to Stephanie's character and what it tells us about her#like she loved it. clearly. and she was GOOD at it too. steph is constantly perceived as a screw up and has pretty low opinion of herself#piano was something she could take pride in. in i believe issue 113 of tims og robin series-#-tim is AMAZED at her playing all these years later. so is nocturna a few issues earlier#there's a standard visual language in comics for good or bad music- notation drawn in either shaky or smooth lines#stephs are all smooth and golden. she's good even after all these years of not practicing#but all she says to tim after he compliments her is ''i used to be better...'' SHE SEES THE WORST IN HERSELF AND HER ABILITIES#SHE DESERVES A CHANCE TO FEEL GOOD AT AT LEAST ONE THING LIKE SHE FINALLY GOT TO AS BATGIRL IN HER SOLO#and onto my final point: dinah has several times expressed some degree of fondness/admiration for steph. steph has likewise trained w dinah#and thinks she's cool as fuck. which makes sense. bc dinah is cool as fuck#and what is dinah in??? that's right. a band#steph should join dinahs band for her mental health. this has been an essay#stephanie brown#spoiler dc#dc batgirl#batgirls#<- since that series re-canonized pianist steph!! bless them!
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As for my post this morning. If anyone was worried. Me personally I'm okay (I guess) but my dad's in the hospital and things r still very up in the air. So.
#speculation nation#bracing myself for the possibility of Major Grief.....2!!!!#well actualy more like 3 or 4 or 5 (lol lol lol)#but likely the worst one bc it's. my dad. that's my dad.#i left work early to visit him at the hospital. hes stable rn at least (he wasnt this morning)#he wasnt conscious though. and i really really hope he ends up okay#but. i still saw my dad unconscious in a hospital bed hooked up to like a million tubes and#thats my dad. Thats my Dad.#im really trying to not do my processing until after i know for sure how things are gonna go#dont wanna start grieving until after he's officially gone#so im trying not to think about it. but it's still... yeah. unpleasant.#and theres a part of me thats so so resentful. if i have to have a dead parent why would it be the Good one?#take my fucking mom instead. hell my life would even be BETTER without her. horrible as that is to say.#but it's my dad. he's not perfect. he has his flaws. but he's still tried in a way she never ever did.#seeing him like that makes me feel so... small. makes me remember being picked up by him.#makes me remember riding on the back of his harley as a tiny little 10 year old with a helmet that was giant on me#we'll hope for the best. we'll hope for a recovery. even if not a full recovery. i just want to have my dad.#sorry. this is probably too real for my tumblr dot com. it's just been... a lot today.#negative/#death/#hospitals ment/#idfk. sorry
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I don't have a lot of energy these days [because of The Horrors] so I'm looking at my day and my priorities and trying to plan how I'm going to spend what energy I have, because I do need to be able to rest and relax but there are also things that need doing and that is a careful balance for me.
I managed to [mostly] clean the kitchen last night so I've kicked it out of the priority list until next weekend. Unfortunately the living room, bathroom, bedroom, and my office all need cleaning too. I think of the priorities, my office and the bedroom are the most important to me, so I'll probably push the living room and bathroom until at least Friday.
There's also the laundry. I don't have any clean clothes and as we're moving into winter I need to be more rigid about getting that done because days where the clothes can be dried on the line will be more limited. So I definitely need to wash an outfit or two and hang them up in the next hour.
That's already a really busy day, so I'll probably cut it there. But it's definitely going to still leave me a lot of work this week. Half my cleaning, at least one more round of laundry, settling dog food for the next couple of weeks, planting the fall/winter greens, doing some set up work on my computer, work on some writing projects, cleaning out the fridge, and patching some worn clothes. My work week isn't insane atm, but it is definitely limiting. Right now I have 6+4+0+4+2+5+5= 25 non work/non-survival needs (sleep, food, shower, etc) hours available each week. I need to figure out a regukar distribution of these that means everything is getting done and I still have an hour a day to myself as often as possible. I think it's probably not realistic to give myself more than an hour a day for free time/fun, which is a bit unfortunate because I've found in the past that my floor tends to be getting 2-3hrs of free time most days because of how I deal with transition and decision-making.
25-7 [1hr per day] is 18 hrs, so I just need to decide where and how to distribute those in order to keep pace with things.
Lets say the garden needs 3hrs per week, the laundry needs 4 hours (specifically 2 sets of 2 morning/early afternoon hours), the cleaning needs an hour a day to get through a maintenance clean of the house, and 3 hours once a week to work down any deep cleaning that's built up. Which is....already three more hours than I actually have each week. So I guess I'll make a plan to work in the garden for 20-40min of 4 of my free hours each week.
It really doesn't leave me any wiggle room. Only about 4 hours a week that isn't explicitly allotted to something that needs doing, which means there will probably me a lot of weeks where I only get an hour or so at best across the whole thing for free time. I guess I've had a hard time accepting that at this point, having actual time for myself or a time-intensive project is only available if I've taken a day off work. I love my job, but it's ... not comfortable to realize that it's the only love in my life I actually have time for anymore.
I think that's probably why I end up here so much. It's this mindless little way of zoning out into my own head, dissociating away from the exhaustion, for a few minutes at a time. I keep thinking I want to use this space differently, make it more if the things I enjoy. But I think what I really want is just to actually have the time and energy to do things I love that take work. I keep crying a few times every day and I couldn't figure out why, but like
I dunno
Why **wouldn't** I cry a little every day? It's the closest I'm getting to actual emotional release or relaxation in my life. We'd probably all cry. Heck. A lot of us probably DO, capitalism being what it is.
I guess I'm starting to wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing. What is there left for me to sacrifice to this life? What is actually serving me about not just letting myself go up like a fireball and take my surroundings with me? What in the ever loving fuck am I fighting this hard for?
All I ever want, all I want now, is to be able to live. To really, actually live. How does wanting to live bring you this close to killing yourself, whether on accident or on purpose? What am I actually doing that is LIVING and what am I doing that is FACILITATION of living? It can't all be facilitation, or I'm not actually facilitating fuck all.
I'm 30 goddamn years old and I need to figure out what it looks like to actually love my life. I fundamentally refuse to zombify myself like this for everyone else around me forever.
#i really wanted to believe that if i just sat down and did the math i'd be able to figure it out.#but there is literally not enough time in the day for me to do all this.#i suppose i could sleep less. it's...not great for me to get less than 9 hrs a day#but i could probably pull it off for brief stints#a week on a week off or something#get an extra two hours a day that way#and then of course there's my old go to#i could just stop eating or taking care of myself#lord knows it's my well-being that restri ts my time more than anything else#and if i work myself to death like mom did instead of committing suicide at least the life insurance pays out#in case anyone gives wifey inheritance trouble#i already don't eat until dinner so that part won't give me a TON of extra time#but an hour a day at the end of the night to write does sound lovely so it might be worth it#on the weeks i sleep less i could use my 2 extra hours a day to do ingredient prep so that wifey's food doesn't go to waste as much#maybe even work on the garden and the yard's facilities a bit. i have a few projects that need time and attention so those'd fot in#if i cut my pain meds too i could put an extra $50/week back in my budget and i could use that for project supplies and emergency funds#god even thinking about this is making me so tired.#i don't know what this will leave of me#i've been doing this so long now#feels like the last time i remember having a consistent hour to myself every day was my BA sophomore year#and that was the first time too lmao#i'd spent high school waking up at 3am every day after going to bed at 12am because I needed to do my hw in the mornings#my bus left at 7:30am and i had to do all my paper assignments - make myself lunch for the day - wash dishes/tidy the kitchen - and THEN#i could finally make sure i had my shit together for the bus and maybe nap for 5min#then i didn't get home from school until 4pm and i had to fix the kitchen from whatever my parents did before i got back#then make dinner for the family#then clean the living room from whatever the pets had dome all day#then take the dog for her nightly walk and take a shower#and usually sometime after dinner around 9pm I would get permission to run to my room and try to get a head start on my hw before 11pm#that was my lights out curfew so it gave me a blessed single guaranteed hour to do something for me.....assuming i could stay conscious
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hc time: Maggie left the renegades bc of Callums death yes, she's convinced herself that "well i've tried out the hero thing (tried in HEAVY QUOTES), didn't work out, im better suited to villainyyy" and in another post i've talked abt how her tossing the helmet to Callum, and that resulting in Callum's death must have been.. a lot
But also, the idea of that kind of event cementing to her she shouldn't work with others. She's better off by herself, retreating into being selfish, but she also won't directly hurt anyone like this. Last time she worked with someone else she cared about? Welp look at him now. Six feet underground. Because of her
So imagine she doesn't want to work with others for that exact reason, last time it ended badly. Imagine her growing close to Max, but entirely refusing to fight with him on the field. If he's gonna throw himself into danger on his own, fine. (its not fine but) No blood on her hands. She's not the reason a partner gets injured or potentially dies
And that would be lots to unpack, anyone she partners up with KNOWS THE RISKS and its not her fault that callum died, but in a potential arc for Maggie im not sure i'll ever write based on all my hcs for her, thats something that would be hard to change her mind abt
Cuz like.. she was eleven when Callum was murdered. Right in front of her. And if that isn't addressed in the next book(s) Marissa Meyer writes I will write it myself godDAMMIT
She'd probably occasionally partner up with ppl, she can't do EVERYTHING by herself, but i'd imagine its only with ppl she doesn't give a SHITTT ABOUT
speaks volumes
#something something maggie being completely fine with relying on Cyanide as an ally at first since#“this partnership benefits her and if cyanide dies on his end of their trades well at least it isn't her thats dying”#but then starts seeing him as a dad and someone she actively cares about and that scares her as much as its a secret relief to have someone#to go to#and then all of a sudden its much harder to ask cyanide to do things for her#her best reassurance is that “well he's an adult he'll be fine” but it can't fully reassure her since#well she's seen adults die#she's known death#seen it happen#its something that she can survive but what if she brings it to others..?#but maybe she can lean into being selfish enough that she can get rid of these worries#she doesn't care she won't care cuz if something does happen it'll hurt too much#and max making her realize she really should be more selfless ends up not helping with the closest thing she has to a father figure#in this scenario lets just say Cyanide very much isn't a renegade#is laying low for the most part but will help out this kid when he can#maybe even going along with (my hc) maggie's assumption he's just another “villain” on the low and#waiting for the big moment when peace crumbles in gatlon#god i need to make a masterpost of all my hcs that are slowly forming into a fic i just need to write already#trinket duo#maggie white#evie artino#max everhart#renegades trilogy#the renegades trilogy#cyanide#leroy flinn#renegades fandom#marissa meyer#headcanons#character study
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I know “FF 7 Rebirth trailer ends on a shot of Aerith at the altar” was a sucker bet, but. Called it, nonetheless.
More interestingly… Marlene. Marlene who either has some kind of foresight or some kind of awareness of the other timeline.
This is gonna be INTERESTING.
Oh, also Aerith’s taking a page out of Julia, Yuna (and Leblanc), and Lenne’s books, it seems. Well, I’m always down for a good songstress scene.
#ff7 remake spoilers#look do I think they’ll save her? I give it low odds#summoning Holy early would kind of derail the plot a bit#do I think her death’s going to play out EXACTLY as it did in the original? nope!#you don’t make a remake full of metanarrative fuckery built on the central tension of the most iconic death in video games#only to have that death play out EXACTLY as it did in the original.#if she does die we’re gonna get a hope spot where we think it was averted (thus denying everyone a shot for shot remake in HD)#and if she doesn’t… well. then things get INTERESTING don’t they.#looks like Zack’s going to impact at least some of the plot himself#I think the big question honestly is ‘what’s going to happen with the Sephiroth from the ending?’ Because like.#you also don’t introduce a Sephiroth who ISN’T in Jenova mode and seems to know about the timelines and do nothing with him#I think there’s a decent chance the final part is facing the timeline ghosts more than the Meteor
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