#or. well. at least make her death not be the end

[meanbossart]

im so curious-- how well does DUDrow get on with the other companions? I've only seen your art and going off that I feel like: he gets along with Shadowheart, Gale I think he borderline cant stand, and Wyll/Lae'zel/Karlach I have no idea how he'd feel about them but id love to know!

So, funfact, because I was not familiar with these kinds of games at the time I played BG3, I practically stuck with the same exact party the entire playthrough. I distinctly remember swapping Wyll in for Astarion once at the end of act 2 because I thought he NEEDED to be there to find Mizora, and I replaced Gale with Karlach when I went to kill Gortash. Otherwise... It was pretty much always just DU drow, Shadowheart, Astarion and Gale. I did this because they were the characters I liked most, so I wanted to see all they had to offer.

Anyways, I mention this because it reflects how DU drow related to everyone - which is to say that he didn't. He picked his favorites (two because he liked them, one because he has fireball) and didn't get particularly close to anyone else.

BUT, there were definitely notable dynamics!

Lae'zel: She's dead. He killed her night 3 or something. Before that he thought her annoyingly demanding and over the top. I don't think DU drow even remembers her by the end of the game.

Gale: Just to add to your original observation, Gale and DU drow have a little bit of history. Gale tries, for about half of the campaign, to pursue him romantically. DU drow keeps turning him down and is either misinterpreted or ignored, and by the time Gale does give up on him their relationship has completely soured to the point where they are constantly shooting daggers at each other. (this reflects a romance bug I got in my first run, except I didn't realize it was a bug. Either way I think its more interesting storytelling than the intended experience.)

Wyll: DU drow was profoundly frustrated by Wyll every step of the way. He found him to be incredibly naive and a bit delusional in his pursuit for heroism, and could never relate to Wyll's perspective or choices - the few he made for himself, at least. They definitely had the least in common and DU drow avoided interacting with him most of the time.

Halsin: He didn't care for Halsin much. He was vaguely helpful but by the time they got to the shadow-cursed lands DU drow had the impression he'd only been dragged here to help him clear his conscience, which he didn't appreciate. Also, he couldn't bear to have someone in camp be taller than himself. Halsin was left behind in Act 2.

Jaheira: DU drow fucking loves Jaheira. They bickered and borderline insulted each other and had a great time doing it. He can respect anyone who will call him a monster, threaten to murder him in his sleep, and make light fun at him the next day. It helps that she's hot, also.

Minsc: Weird hamster man. Ocasionally rendered him speechless. Puzzling human being.

Karlach: He didn't get Karlach, but he was often amused by her and curious enough to want to hear what she had to say. There was a similar issue here as Wyll's where he just couldn't relate to her enough to have much to discuss, but Karlach at least had an edge to her that made her far better company. They got along pretty well when the topic wasn't serious, but when it came to the problems she actually faced their perspectives shifted significantly. DU drow thought everything could be fixed, that accepting her own demise was a cowardly thing to do - and as they approached the end, and she asked him if he would stay with her when she died, he thought she was weak. I don't know if he ever discusses it with anyone, but he feels guilty about her death to this day and sees it as personal failure.

[vaya-is-dead]

Welcome to hour one of my delusional city

*act three arcane spoilers under the cut don't read if you haven't watched it especially the last episode!!*

I have a theory.

Now many of you will point at me and call me delusional but I'm sorry. I think I might be right on this one for a change. (or at least it might be implied.)

OK, if you watch the final episode, you know that jinx made the sacrifice taking Warwick with her while Vi screams for her. This scene absolutely broke my heart and for about a good 15 minutes I thought she was dead.

Until I went back and watched the last couple of scenes.

Something that I found interesting is that Caitlyn was looking at the blueprint of the vent system, more specifically where Jinx made her ultimate sacrifice. We all know that arcane is not a show that would just throw in details all without reason. Everything has a point everything is calculated to either imply something or show something.

Why would Caitlyn be looking at the blueprint and why would the show creators specifically zoom in on certain airways? Well, of course, then none other to imply that Jinx could've escaped through one of these, therefore possibly surviving.

Now with that alone, it probably doesn't mean anything. It is nothing but a skeleton of what possibly could be, it needs flesh and muscle for it to actually be a Working theory.

But then, as I watched the final scene before the credits, tell me why an airship from Piltover airship very similar to the ones that we saw in episode one where powder said that she would be flying one of those one day. Why was it flying away into the distant sky, then followed by the classic Jinx glitches with the words the end?

Tell me why a show that is so focused on each, and every small detail, from micro expression to touches that linger just a second too long for it to be nothing, Even the drawings and graffiti around Zaun. why would a show so focused on those types of details do something like that if Jinx was not alive? It does not make any sense. It would not make any sense for the show.

Need more proof?

if you pay attention when Caitlyn and Vi are talking, specifically towards the end where Vi leans into Caitlyn, the expression on her face is not one of relief, but rather one of knowing something. She was the one looking at the blueprint, and she was the one who noticed the potential escape route that jinx would know better than anyone because it wasn't her sort of Home in the vent system? How could she not know how to escape?

it's also very satisfactory to her character arc, it was only in season two where we started to see her perception of death start to shift, it was only when Isha came into her life that she really started to understand her own mortality and not completely disregard her life like she used. the prison scene with Vi, where she's sort of regresses back to the mentality of everyone around me will get hurt because of me. while in act three she did begin to disregard her life again, I would like to think that her talk with Ekko might've snapped her back into place. So instead of losing jinx's character development in its entirety, she continues on the same path where she was while still keeping her goal of letting VI be happy the same.

Now, this is the part where you go into the comments and call me delusional and make fun of my theory but thank you for comming to my Ted's talk

[akuma-tenshi]

finished closing night!! boy do i have some thoughts. and now that i've gathered them, i'm about to make my autism your problem. spoilers below.

the first part of the event wasn't awful imo, it felt like character building and just helping establish the dynamic. i know some people weren't fond of it but given that i was never really that invested in hullabaloo before this and didn't know every little detail of these characters, it was nice to get some character establishment and figure out how they all are as people. i am also a fan of slowburn character-focused horror, so that may just be a personal taste thing lmao

bryce papenbrook does a good job as mike, even though there are definitely points where he sounds exactly like nagito (namely the scene where he's shouting at margaretha in the foyer). he has a very particular way of speaking / voicing characters that make it immediately clear it's him. however, i do think he fits mike well and he definitely lays off the nagito-ness in the second part.

the rest of the cast was excellent as well. while there was a Choice made with murro's voice (he sounds WAY younger than he's supposed to be, which is off-putting and takes me out every time he speaks), it's very clear everyone knows their characters well and they all do a good job keeping their mannerisms and vocalisations unique and fitting to each role. aside from some awkward lines (which i attribute more to stilted writing than to the va's themselves), the voice acting is absolutely a highlight.

margaretha's trauma with sergi is portrayed very well imo. bear in mind i have not suffered the same abuse as her, so i can't say how accurate or good it is, but it feels like it displays that it was a terrible thing while also being respectful and avoiding being exploitative. the added layer that everyone else (except joker) liked sergi and was unaware of the abuse adds a lot.

in general, i think mike and margaretha are incredibly well-written here. i think ne could've absolutely gone the route of popular fan interpretations and completely demonised margaretha while making mike a perfect angel, and they would've gotten a lot of praise for it. but they stuck to their guns and made them both very flawed yet understandable people, and that just makes everything feel that much more real, at least to me. they're such different people with opposing goals, and their friction really comes through. everyone else is very well done (shoutout to me a couple of hours ago calling joker cute for some godforsaken reason i can't remember) and i love all of their characterisations, but mike and margie really are the standouts here.

i do wish there was a bigger payoff for margaretha using euphoria so frequently. i know it's implied to have been involved in violetta's death, and i appreciate the connection to game 5, but i wish there was a little bit more there. it's not a huge gripe though, so i won't harp on it for long.

the pacing at the start of the second part had me extremely worried; things felt like they were dragging along and being padded out for the sake of being padded out, and i was not having fun with it. fortunately, this issue was remedied about halfway through, and once things got going, i started really enjoying myself. the pacing of the first half of part two is my biggest gripe with this story.

i was noticing a lot of similarities between hullabaloo and fool's gold: hunter forms of popular survivors being announced and used as a major part of marketing for an update to the idv story. with the aforementioned pacing issues, i was really worried that hullabaloo's reveal would shape up to be similar to fg's: a kinda cool cutscene and a lame chase sequence at the very end of a long, boring storyline. however, despite hullabaloo having a much smaller part in this story than fg did in aom, appearing only briefly in the fire at the very end, i still think it's a better incorporation of the character than what they did with norton. better to have it be quick and intimidating than just kinda tedious.

every death in this (aside from joker's) felt very purposeful and well-done. violetta's death was heartbreaking. the change in animation towards the end, followed by the single sound of her machinery giving out after the screen went black, was beautiful, and hey, at least she died happy. margaretha's death pulled at a very specific and very major love i have in storytelling, that being a character choosing to die free rather than live in captivity, and the payoff of all the underwater scenes where she swims towards sergi finally coming through when she chooses to sink away from him had me losing my mind. i genuinely did not expect mike's death to be a straight-up suicide; like i said, i'm not completely caught up on hullabaloo lore, so maybe other people saw this coming, but the fact that he truly could not live with the truth about hullabaloo is such a heartwrenching yet satisfying end to his character. like i said, joker's is the only death that doesn't totally stand out, but i like that they let you put the pieces together yourself.

the chase sequence with joker was unintimidating and a little lame, and honestly it felt somewhat forced, just a way to get his hunter form in there bc they realised "oh shit right this guy's like. a hunter isn't he." i do like that they gave him back his chainsaw though; very nice little callback to the betas.

the animation of the hullabaloo fire was absolutely gorgeous and the ending had me in shambles. for a while afterwards i felt similar to how i felt after finishing end roll: drained and flat but in a good way, like a ton of adrenaline had just released from my body after some intense event.

all in all, i really enjoyed it. i can't say if i like it more than aom, but that may be the frederick bias coming through, so i'm going to choose not to rank them and just say hey. banger event. well worth the hype even with its hiccups and flaws. i always say this, but idv has some genuinely talented people in its writers' room, and i can't wait to see what they come out with next.

[gabessquishytum]

(Human au) Chubby Hob going to meet his boyfriend’s siblings for the first time, and he’s nervous.

At this point he’s quite settled and comfortable with the fact that Dream finds him and his size incredibly sexy, but Hob is fully aware that this is not universally agreed with. He’s worried that Dream’s family will judge him poorly for his attraction to someone like Hob, or even use Hob’s weight as the start of some sibling shit-stirring.

Except when they arrive to the Endless family home, the first one to greet them is Desire, who gives Hob a very blatant once-over, before stating with unmistakable envy “Dream, you lucky bastard.”

That’s the most vocal response he gets, but to Hob’s bewilderment (and Dream’s pride), it’s made clear very quickly that every single one of the Endless siblings also finds him and his size incredibly sexy.

It’s up to you if this visit results in Hob x Endless Siblings, or if Hob simply leaves afterwards having very complicated feelings about the fact that apparently his boyfriend’s attraction to his fat is somehow genetic. Either way, Dream is disgustingly smug the entire time about finding Hob first.

-🪽anon

We love chubby Hob, we love chubby Hob being appreciated!!!!

This is such a nice idea. I'm imagining that at some point, Despair ends up talking to Hob and she's like "yeah I had to educate all my siblings on fat liberation and I swear to god if any of them were fatphobic I'd start smacking them, I just didn't anticipate that my lectures would make them appreciate fat people quite as much as this........ welcome to the family lol." And Hob is nothing but grateful for the fact that Despair has apparently hardwired all her siblings to be very respectful and admiring of his body type.

The best thing is none of the siblings are weird about him being fat. Nobody explicitly comments on his body at all. Which is nice, because Hob has been with people in the past who were attracted to his fatness in an almost creepy way, like it was the only interesting thing about him. The Endless siblings aren't like that at all. They just make him feel desirable and sexy and welcomed, making sure that he has a nice time, that he has lots of nice food and drinks. They all pay him attention in a way that makes him blush... but he's not uncomfortable in the least. He kind of likes how he feels when the siblings sigh that they're all still single, while Dream has found such a gorgeous man...

He feels right at home there on the sofa, with Dream’s arms possessively wrapped around him (and hands sneaking under his jumper to enjoy the soft pillow of his belly). Despair and Destruction are squeezed onto the sofa too and its warm and cozy. Death pats Hob’s head in a friendly gesture as she hands out drinks. Destiny tries to teach Delirium how to play a card game. Desire actually has their head in Hob’s lap, as they're splayed out all across the sofa like a contented cat.

Hob feels safe. And he knows for sure that he is loved. If Dream wants to show him off in the future, well... he certainly wouldn't be opposed to that!

[boymanmaletheshequel]

One facet of Hellenistic and Roman, /Greco Roman paganism that I’ve always found extremely interesting to me, is how inherently human and relatable it’s gods, and their correlating counterparts are, especially when compared to deities in other ancient religions. They are divine, of course, this is made clear enough, but they all have aspects and traits to them that are inherently human. Rage, lust, joy, love, conflict. They represent, if nothing else, key elements of humanity and the human condition, which is something that no other ancient religion I’ve studied quite compares to in the same way. And not only that, but their relationship to people and humans as gods is clearly very symbiotic. They rely on their subjects for their fulfillment, interact with them directly on a regular basis, and often times even respect and revere them as not necessarily always equals, but as at the very least, creatures worthy of their consideration and respect, sometimes even falling in love with, and baring children with them. This is something that doesn’t really happen in any other ancient religion I’ve seen, sure, there are aspects of it in them, but not nearly are they portrayed as objectively or centrally as they are in Hellenism and Roman paganism. Each god represents some aspect of humanity in ways that are inherently non-Devine, Aphrodite is a lover, sometimes desperate to a vulnerable degree you wouldn’t expect a god to be. Dionysus is regularly consumed by madness as a result of his addiction and mental illness, and falls into spirals of depravity that are hauntingly ungodly. Artemis hunts even though she doesn’t need to, she respects her body as a goddess woman just as much as any human woman would, and fights back just as violently as well. Apollo finds much of his joy and happiness through the humans he falls in love with, and faces much of his suffering and sadness through them as well. Persephone fucking dies. maybe not literally in the sense of human, medical death, but absolutely metaphorically, and the grief her mother Demeter experiences is so inherently human, and so shockingly, gut wrenchingly tragic, that it is pretty obvious that this is what her story is meant to represent: a divine allegory for death and grief, an element that so many religions completely separate from their deities. Even Zeus, the primary deity, is a father figure who’s connection and relativity to fatherhood as seen in human men is almost identical. and if it weren’t for the pre-established lore and status of him as a an extremely powerful deity, there are moments in his Mythos where you might even forget that he’s a god, an all powerful, all divine, objectively non human god to begin with. I think it’s what makes Hellenism so emotional and so drawing to me, and to many other pagans, it’s a relationship that is mutual, and relatable, which is an element that is lacking in so many religions, even the major ones like Christianity and Islam. Yes, there are still elements of this in those religions, but it always feels like the stories constantly hammer in the fact that they are divine, so divine, so utterly unrelatable, so inherently disconnected from their subjects and their plights as a superior enitity, that there’s a limit to how connected one can feel to them. In hellenismos, this limit doesn’t seem to exist, and that’s something that makes it so much more personal and fascinating to me than any other religion I’ve studied. The gods are us, and we are the gods. At the end of the day, I think that’s what all religions should be about, and ultimately, are about, wether we realize it or not.

[sleepystargaze]

On Caitlyn's 180: An Essay

This is all spoiler below. But I NEED to talk about it.

What if this is the exact moment Caitlyn puts everything together, including Vi being one of the children who burglarized Jayce's penthouse.

Hear me out.

So, Caitlyn asks Vi what she's doing there, and Vi says, "Trying to save my dad." She has this little "AHA!" moment.

(go look at the last panel of this gif set rn for more context)

That woman just had an epiphany. Furthermore, the way the music swells at this exact moment just feels like it's clueing in on more than meets the eyes.

She clearly realizes, at minimum, that her and Vi are here for the same thing: Warwick. And then doesn't even really question it. This got me to thinking, "but how she do that though?"

Well, she has all the information she needs to put it together, this is just the first time she's had a reason to pull that SPECIFIC information together.

Let's start with the fact that Caitlyn loves a mystery, and the rise of shimmer is a part of her favorite mystery.

Literally, in her giant bedroom, the only part of it that looks lived in is the big map at the foot of her bed. The show doesn't indicate when exactly this obsession started for Caitlyn, but it makes it clear that it's been on her mind for a very long time. Jayce called it "the great conspiracy," so she definitely talked about it a lot. And Jayce's flippant attitude tells us she's definitely been thinking about it since she was a teenager.

Educated guess, I believe this started with Sheriff Grayson's murder. (a) It would be unsurprising Caitlyn felt a great need to bring justice to the person that murdered someone she cared for. (b) It was a murder that would ultimately become a cold case. (c) Silco being the main conspirator to her murder, the trail would lead her to a larger conspiracy.

And from this scene above, we know that Vi is impressed with what Caitlyn was able to gather without ever going to the Undercity. Which means, we know her board was really close to the truth. Afterall, it did lead her to Vi, who single-handedly led her to the answers she sought.

So, why the hell does this matter in regards to Vi being involved in the burglary?

Caitlyn knows that Grayson's main priority at the time of her death was finding the culprits of the explosion.

Caitlyn's parents clearly involve her in the conversations revolving around the explosion at the penthouse. I don't feel it's a stretch to assume she also knew that the council were putting pressure on Grayson to solve the case.

The explosion of the warehouse happened on the same night as Grayson's murder. While I don't think Caitlyn had a way to really connect the 2 explosions except that they happen within days of each other, I doubt Caitlyn forgets this fact even if she does not connect them initially. 

Now you may being wondering why the heck that matters. What does the warehouse have anything to do with it?

Caitlyn was in the ruins of the destroyed warehouse at the end of season 1.

In which she heard this conversation.

Thing is, she was going through an extremely traumatic experience at the time... Then her mom was killed... So I doubt she realized it was the same place nor had the mental capabilities of processing the information. And by the time she did have the capacity to really consider it, she likely had no reason to...at least yet.

Regardless, she's here for this conversation. She now at least knows Vander's name and that he was important to them and that Silco murdered him here.

So, she has her connection here. If she realizes this was the location of the second explosion, she now knows that Grayson and Vander were murdered on the same night. And if she connects it to the penthouse explosion, Grayson's investigation and main focus at the time, she also knows that...

4 children were fleeing the scene.

Seems like everyone knew this within the hour after the explosion. Word spread so fast, Vander knew before the kids even got home. Caitlyn undoubtedly knows about the kids. She just doesn't know who they are, but she has seen them.

Caitlyn has an eye for detail and a mind for investigation. I doubt she lets much fall between the cracks. They didn't leave Ekko's home until it was dark. She had plenty of time to look at this mural, at the 4 children including Vi. Then at the tea party when Jinx starts talking to her hallucinations, she's pointed to...

Again, traumatic experience. Probably not thinking about it that hard, but she did see the puppets. Again, no reason to connect those things yet. But she does now have the context to connect that these 2 other children are important to Vi and Jinx and that they were important enough to be brought to the "tea party."

And because of the mural, she knows that these were real people and that they died.

FURTHERMORE, they undoubtedly know who Vander was by the reputation he left behind.

When that one guy getting tortured gave up Vander's statue as the meeting location, Ambessa's second-hand man, who is not from Zaun OR Piltover, knew exactly where that was. There's no way Caitlyn doesn't also know about the statue. Besides that, she also saw him in the mural. If she's seen this statue, she knows it's the same man.

Caitlyn would now know that Vander is important to the whole undercity. "Well respected."

Lastly, Singed told Ambessa about the man behind the monster.

This one is a bit of a stretch, but think about it. Ambessa has no reason to withhold the information Singed gave her. Here it is below if you want a reminder:

"He isn't a monster. He was once a man. Well respected, at that. Victim of great tragedy. He had a furocious will to live. An incredible tolerance for pain. With him, I was able to make strides impossible with any other specimen. But the mind... the mind I could not recover. The man forever lost in the bowels of the beast, compelled only by the scent of blood. Or so I thought. It now seems I had yet to uncover the right catalyst."

Singed is awfully forthcoming with information once he realizes he doesn't have to hide it from Ambessa. And when Caitlyn walks in on them in Singe's lab, Ambessa makes no effort to hide her current involvement with Singed. AND even if Ambessa realizes Singed is talking about Vander, I highly doubt Ambessa has the information necessary to realize she's literally delivering Caitlyn to a connection to not only Vi, but Jinx.

Caitlyn, however, does have all the information. If Ambessa or Singed told Caitlyn the same info or even more, Caitlyn could likely start making some assumptions on who the man behind the beast is.

She just didn't have a catalyst to put everything together... Again, yet.

And while we're on the topic of this scene...

We learn Caitlyn abhors a gap in information.

Caitlyn talks about the mystery of shimmer, "This led to one other missing puzzle piece whose absence has always gnawed at my mind."

She wants all the details even if it does not add much to the full picture.

She already knows Silco and the chembarons are responsible for the manufacturing and distribution of shimmer. Learning who made it only tells her who made it. It doesn't solve anything or change what she would have to do to stop the spread of shimmer. But she wants to know. She HAS to know.

She wants all the dots to connect and is not satisfied until they do.

So, when Vi says, "Trying to save... my dad."

What if this one sentence was all Caitlyn needs to connect everything she didn't understand before. I mean, how else do you explain that little "aha" head move she does.

There is no way she did not take a greater interested in how the heck Vi was involved to begin with and especially as a child.

Her main focus has been on Jinx: finding her and bringing her to justice. She's been distracted.

What if this is the catalyst, the first time she has a reason to connect all those dots to make what Vi said make sense. And suddenly it all does.

Honestly, it would explain why Caitlyn jumped ship so easily.

In conclusion.

Caitlyn has all the information she needs to connect the dots.

She has the motivations to continue seeking those answers.

She just didn't have the mental opportunity to really consider it... until she did.

Anyway... Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Maybe one "Cupcake" is just not enough to convince me she'd immediately plan a mutiny, but maybe she is that simple! (She's definitely not. *coughs*)

But you know what, even if she didn't glean that Warwick is actually Vander and Vander is Vi's dad in that moment, she definitely knows after this...

So, anyway, I think she definitely knows or is at minimum primed to have the realization. Guess we'll see.

[astteriskk]

DRDT Theory : Recycled/Sacrificed Cast Members

[BACKGROUND]

So, in V3 (specifically in the 6th trial), it's said that the rest of the cast can leave if two people choose to sacrifice themselves.

At first, they think that sacrifice means death until it's revealed that the two sacrifices will move on to the next killing game.

You guys know where I'm going with this, right?

[THE SURVIVORS]

XANDER MATTHEWS

The first and more obvious option for those who sacrificed themselves in the last game is Xander.

Now, he has the personality for self-sacrifice.

But, if I remember correctly, they were originally going to vote for the sacrifices before Kiibo and Maki stepped in.

Either he was voted to be the sacrifice, or he volunteered himself (with or without knowing what it really meant.)

(isn't it funny that he might have volunteered while one of his canon likes is volunteering?)

Main Reasonings:

•This dialogue in this scene makes more sense if he was in a killing game

“Them” could be the other people in the killing game. Of course, “her” is… well, I won’t spill just yet.

And, most of all, he says that he has to end the killing game. How the hell would he end a killing game without having been in one? (don’t answer that)

•When was this?

Why would he be in the same outfit, while having both eyes?

It makes sense if he was in a previous killing game, doesn't it?

(while we don't see both his eyes, he doesn't have the strings of the eyepatch)

EDEN TOBISA

Eden is the less obvious choice, but it makes sense when you think about it!

Just like Xander, she has the type of personality that would sacrifice themselves. Although, I can’t see people voting for her.

Main Reasonings:

•First of all, there’s the similarities between her handwriting and the handwriting of the note that Xander received.

Also, I know a lot of people think that Xander wrote that note. But just look at it.

The T’s are the same, the E’s are the same, the A’s are the same. Don’t deny that it’s a strong, and the most likely, possibility.

I’ve mentioned it before (in a different post), but the handwriting thing makes much more sense in this context.

And similar to Xander, an image of her past self is seen wearing the same outfit.

Why, why, why?

Why would the two of them have images of their past selves wearing the exact same outfits?

Oh, wait a second.

In V3, we see Rantaro’s past self. He was wearing the same outfit that he did in the killing game. And he was a member of a past game too.

And it’s not like we haven’t seen them in other outfits. Xander has been seen in another outfit in his bonus episode.

I really don’t know if I’m making sense at this point but it works in my head so whatever.

•Why is this secret so mundane? (At least in comparison to the others)

Wouldn’t it make more sense to say something about what she did to Xander?

Of course, that could just be because they didn’t want her to know about something she did during the missing year.

But it could also be because it happened during the last killing game.

That one’s a stretch but I just thought I’d put it out there.

REASONING FOR BOTH OF THEM:

Why specifically these two?

Dev didn’t have to post the colored picture of Xander.

It’s clearly important.

Same for Eden.

One final theory that could be connected to this:

Why would he say this?

Unless he knew Teruko in the past, of course.

My guess is that Teruko was named the mastermind during his game. Whether or not she actually appeared, who knows. But she was to blame (supposedly) (to his knowledge) for the killing game. And apparently, killer her would do something important.

This ties in to the note that told Xander to kill Teruko as well!

My final thing is just a guess, or maybe a call and respond.

Who do we think were the survivors of their game?

My first guess was maybe a couple of the AltDRDT characters, but I’m not sure.

Let me know if you guys have any other evidence for this theory!!

(thanks to kubz scouts for the screenshots of v3)

[alexanderwales]

When I was nine years old, my grandfather died.

He was a life long smoker, and lung cancer got him. He died slowly in a hospital bed that had been brought into their house, and we made the trip so South Dakota as a family to watch him die.

He couldn't move on his own. He was weak and wasting away, and they needed to periodically turn him so he wouldn't get bed sores. I had never heard of bed sores before that, and I was scared of them, of the mere concept that someone could be so immobilized that their body would start to ache. His skin was thin and translucent, showing every liver spot and wrinkle in bold, and his eyes were sunken in. There was a smell of death and disinfectant in the house, warring for my nostrils.

My parents were going through a divorce at the time, so my dad wasn't with us. My grandfather, on his deathbed, told me that he wanted me to change my last name to be my mother's. It was important to him. He was leaning forward, using his limited strength to be emphatic, dry mouth forming the words.

It's kind of a fucked up deathbed request. I didn't end up doing it, mostly because I was nine, and as I grew older I started to resent the request, which had sat very heavy with me when I was little.

His sons built his coffin in the driveway. My grandfather was a woodworker, among other things, and it was their way of honoring him, but they also argued during the course of the building, and I didn't like the sounds of the power tools or the nails being driven in. It was a very plain coffin, I remember, and I always wondered where the idea to make it using his tools, in the driveway had come from. Symbolically, I guess there's something there, building the vessel of death, but at the time it just felt really off-putting and morbid.

My aunt was a doctor, and she was doing most of the work of taking care of him, helping to rotate his body, double-checking the medications, making sure that he was as comfortable as he could be.

But my grandfather made her a deathbed request to her too, and it was that she kill him. That's a lot to ask from your own child, and moreso because she could have lost her ability to practice medicine if anyone found out, but I also thought ... I don't know, that someone else should have done it? He was in pain, and not always lucid, but he'd made his request, and we were all waiting on him to die.

And so I thought, at nine years old, that I would do it, find some way to grant at least that wish, to end his suffering.

I didn't end up doing that either, because I was little.

I didn't know my grandfather all that well, because he died when I was young. We built a wooden toy together when I was seven, before he'd gotten so sick, and he gave me some wood carving tools that I never used. He had been a farmer before he lost the farm, and losing that farm was one of those things that echoed through my mom's childhood, but I don't remember him ever talking about it. He was a conscientious objector in World War II, because he was a Mennonite, but unlike my other grandfather, I don't remember him every telling me any stories about it.

I think overall it's good to let kids know that people die, to not shield them from it completely, but I don't think I endorse putting a child that close to death, not for so much time, or at least not a child like me.

(If you've read some of my fiction, you might recognize this as a very similar to something Juniper says in Worth the Candle, and yes, that part of the book, like many others, is roughly autobiographical.)

[cryptic--writing]

Hiya 👋🏻

It’s not really a kinktober request, but maybe you’ll consider doing it? No pressure though))

Ajaf era James, where he was drinking a lot. He understands that that affects him and turns him into a monster. He’s afraid he’s going to hurt reader, but he can’t break up with her for her safety, he loves her too much. So he comes up with stupid plan of making her break up with him because of his behavior? So he starts to undermine her efforts, e.g. the meals she cooks “could have been better”; makes fun of her simple 9-5 job , saying that’s she lucky she can have a relaxed job cause he’s earning most of the money and covering the bills. Although she’s hurt, she is staying as she loves him and thinks it’s the alcohol talking. James, realizing his plan doesn’t work, makes the final move: after they have sex one evening, he tells her that groupies do a much better job. That’s too much for her to take so she leaves him.

Unfortunately, after break up he feels even worse. Lars is worried so he interrogates him, and drunken James confesses. So Lars finds reader and locks her in the studio with James for them to reconcile (can we have smut here)?

Few weeks later when they start recording black album, James plays her a song (which will become nothing else matters), saying that it’s his way of telling everyone how much she means to him?

I’m sorry I can’t write short asks 🥲🥲🥹🥹

You are a great writer so I really hope this will become a story 🙏🏻

hihi!

and omg its here. took me 9 days to write it lmao but yeah

i cant explain how much I loved this idea pls marry me annon

also ~~~ means POV change (yes there is James and reader pov)

this fic has legit everything so I hope y'all enjoy it bc I busted my ass on it

some parts may be confusing idk

anyways

word count: 10623

warnings: mentions of achohol/drugs, death is mentioned, toxic relationship, break up, angst, smut, fluff, I'm prob forgetting smth

OR SO I THOUGHT (1989)

It had been a rough couple months with James. I felt determined to help him with his only worsening alcoholism, though he only continued to shut me out. I could feel the guilt when he was around, but it didn't make him stop. I tried, I really did, encouraging him to talk to me, to help me help him. 

It was the same sad scene every night. James would come home, probably around midnight, and I couldn't sleep without him next to me, so I was up, all those hours, wondering as I tossed and turned as to where he might be. All I knew is I was in for a scary time when he got back, but I eventually grew tough skin to deal with this.  Understood that this wasn't safe for me, or him, and I stressed that so, so much to him, but James never understood. Well, he never told me he did. Maybe there was more going on in his heart I never knew about. But, of course, I could never discover as he would always close himself off so much.

It was another day where the cycle would repeat. I woke up at three am to the sound of James stumbling in, mumbling something under his breath before he plopped down on the bed beside me, and I knew well enough to hold my tongue, to not provoke him. I pretended I was asleep, which he believed, trying, or at least I think he was trying, to snuggly up next to me, but he had his back to me. His arms weren't around me. Maybe that's all I yearn for now, to be loved and held.

Once I could finally go back to sleep, I was awoken not much later by the sound of my blaring alarm. It was seven am, time to get ready for work. James is a heavy sleeper, he never woke up from my alarms, though I always rushed to turn them off, just in case they would wake him. Slipping out of bed with a groan, I observed his sprawled out body, his shoes still on. I'm glad he made it to the bed this night, as others he would end up on the couch, or in his car, or somewhere I had no idea of.

I pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, like a mother caring for her ill son on a school day. I slipped off his shoes, trying to get him more comfortable. I scurried towards the closet to grab my work clothes for the day before getting changed in the bathroom and rummaging through our medicine cabinet, finding some pain killers and then getting him a cold glass of water, leaving the items on our bedside table. I paused to watch over him as he slept, his slow, steady breaths that rose and fell from his chest. I loved him too much to change this lifestyle. I loved every part of him, and if this was part of him, then so be it. I'll help him get better. He loves every part of me, no matter what, right?

Or so I thought.

I slipped on my heels, walking into our messy kitchen, the sink filled with unwashed dishes James was supposed to do. But, he isn't well, so I must do them for him. After washing the dishes, I brewed coffee, poured myself a cup and left some for him and began to make breakfast. James had been off lately, different to how he already was off, but that slowly became part of our normal, so one new change did not stick out too much, but this one did. I don't know what it is. He just felt… lifeless, cold, I guess. I decided to make one of his favorite breakfast meals, a nice, warm and fluffy stack of pancakes with eggs and bacon, cooked just the way he liked it. I spent extra time trying to make it the best I had. I knew they would probably be cold by the time he woke up, but hopefully he'd appreciate my effort. I ate some eggs before scrambling for a notepad, getting a pen to write him a sweet good morning note, explaining I was at work, when I'd be home, how much I loved him, and where the other meds were if he needed them. I wrote these notes almost daily, but this one I made longer and more love filled. I figured he would want my love.

Or so I thought.

I came home around six pm, the evening traffic being worse than usual. Instead of seeing James' car out of the driveway and the house dark, he was still home. The soft sound of the TV buzzing was easy to hear as I unlocked the door, walking in to see him on the couch, leaning against the couch arm and holding his head up with his hand. He was too engrossed in whatever he was watching to nice me walk in, so I tried to have him notice my presence.

“Im back, Jamie,” I said softly to not startle him, my voice filled with love as I moved to sit next to him, he looked over at me, like a confused puppy. “How are you feeling?” I asked, gently stroking his back, though he moved from my touch.

“Oh, hi. Yeah, I'm fine. Busy right now, yeah?” He mumbled as a response as he resumed watching TV once more, brushing me off with his simple, cold words. I knew I had to respect his space and not probe at him, so I just nodded with a sigh and got up, slipping off my shoes and setting my bags down,

“Are you hungry?” I asked, digging through the fridge to get things to make dinner. He didn't answer. “James, are you hungry? I can make dinner,” I offered again, noticing the cleared plate that I had made him for breakfast, the note missing. I assumed he threw it away, just like the others. I never saw them in the trash cans, but after everything piles up, you can just assume. I heard James sigh from the couch, “Uh, yeah, sure, whatever. Breakfast was cold, so I threw most of it away anyways,” He admitted, and I felt a small ache in my heart. I thought he liked the dish since there was none left on his plate, but clearly he proved me different. Why I even put effort in these things, I don't know. THats a lie, I do. I love him, and want him to know it, to feel it. I should’ve been doing this as part of my own insecurities, but to make sure he knows I'm there for him, always.

I thought of what to make for dinner, seeing if he had eaten anything since breakfast, only finding empty beer bottles and a half eaten bag of chips. It was probably only the alcohol making him act like this. I decided to make steak with potatoes, something he normally liked and said I made pretty well. It was easy to make, and I know it was one of his favorites I made him, but normally I would wait for a bigger step in life, like celebrating something about the band, or something in my career, but I knew he deserved it still.

I finished after 45 minutes, preparing the plate to be gorgeous, something I wish I could hear from his lips for once. But, he loved me. I know he thinks I'm gorgeous, he wouldn't have to tell me. Right?

“Jamie, the food's ready, I made steak,” I said warmly with a smile, setting a dinner table for us. I didn't get a response, just a grunt as he stood from the couch and walked his near empty bottle of beer, finishing it off and grabbing another from the fridge. I sat at the table, waiting for him to come and join me. His eyes landed on the plate, pulling out the chair to sit down. I couldn't read his emotions, he didn't look too happy, but he didn't look mad. He just looked.. plain. James grabbed his fork and began to eat, the metal scraping against the porcelain plate, waiting for his nod of approval. It never came. He didn't talk, but not in a way like he was mad. He just didn't speak. But he didn't need to, he didn't need to say the things I knew already. I took a breath and began to eat, and it might've been one of the best I had cooked in awhile. Perfect tenderness, juiciness, seasoning, and cooked perfectly, something you could get at a restaurant, now in our home. 

“What do you think, baby? I think it's pretty good, no?” I inquired, seeking the validation I craved from him. He just shrugged.

“It's fine, I guess. It could've been better.”

It shouldn't have hurt. It really shouldn't. He just didn't like the dinner I cooked. The dinner I poured my time into. The dinner I made was special. Special for him. But, what did I know? I doubt he meant it. That's why it definitely shouldn't have hurt. He was drinking. ITs just the alcohol making him act like this. He would never say something like that to me. Why did tears prick at my eyes. Why did it actually hurt?

“Oh, uhm…. I'm sorry, I'll do better next time, do you want me to make you something else..?” I choked out, fighting back my tears.

“No, don't waste your time making something mediocre, yeah?” James insisted, insulting me bitterly once again.

I took a shaky breath, another sting to my heart. Hes. Drunk. This can't be what he means, right?

Or so I thought.

“Alright, uh, do you wanna cuddle on the couch..? We can watch anything you want? Or not watch anything, just sit together.” I offered again, pleading to get love from my partner.

“I was probably gonna go to bed. You mind cleaning up?” He pushed me away again, and every word stung. I want him to see me, to notice me, just to love me. But I reminded myself again and again, he's drunk, he doesn't mean it, he doesn't mean it. I'm just being sensitive and pathetic. Maybe it's just my hormones.

I nodded, forcing a smile, “Sure, yeah, go ahead and  go to bed, I'll clean up and join you in a bit, ok?” I informed him and he just nodded and got up, walking to the bedroom, still carrying his battle with him. My eyes stung, and once he was out of sight, I felt tears streak my face, but I continued to fight them away. I quickly got up to clear James’ and my own plate, then  cleaning the kitchen, washing everything with great care to keep it tidy.

I came into the bedroom, James half asleep under the sheets. His hair was astray as he slept near the edge, his limbs tight together. The now empty beer bottle sat on the nightstand, another reminder of James’ habits. I glanced around before getting changed into my sleep clothes, a nice little night dress James had gotten me for Valentines Day earlier that year. It was nice and pink with some fluffy pieces at the bottom and lace dancing across it. It flowed nicely and hugged my body in the right places, going down to a bit above my knees. It had some other pieces, like stockings and a garter. In reality, it was more so lingerie than a bed set. But, it was one of James’ favorites for me to wear. Maybe this would make him open up more, or just show me the love I'm craving. I crawled in beside him, though I doubt he noticed the weight accompanying him, trying to cuddle closer, pressing myself against his back.

“Jamie?” I asked softly, kissing the back of his head.

“Hm.” James answered in a sleepy tone, barely aware of my presence.

“You doing ok? You've been acting differently…” I kept a quiet tone, my hands gently running down his arms and back as I pondered on what may be hurting him so much.

He took a deep and large breath, sighing, “Yeah, I'm fine… why do you ask..?” James mumbled in response.

“Nothing, you just seem off, I guess,” I rushed out. I didn't want to upset him, but he just seemed so soft and sweet, something I hadn't seen from him awhile.

“Oh, well, alright then… love you..” He mumbled out, slowly succumbing to sleep after saying the words I knew were true.

Or so I thought.

The office today was exhausting. Absurdly exhausting. And infuriating. A stuck up and snotty boss whos full of himself ordering me around to do his mundane dirty work, my co workers giving me side glances of judgment for my more rushed than normal appearance, not having as much time this morning as I had to help James with yet another hangover, getting him to the bathroom in time before he painted our bed green in vomit, making him some foods to keep him comfortable and having to buy more pain killers, my 3rd trip this month, all before heading to work. All I wanted was to come home, sleep, relax, and be held by the love of my life. 

As simple as an office job 9-5 may seem, how it is not. No one else wants to do their own work, always needing some kind of assistance, and of course, I none the wiser, agree to help them.

It was another late evening with heavy traffic, not allowing me to come home until seven, again. I had stopped at the market, grabbing food and other supplies we were running low on. And more beer. 

The door to the house was locked, something that had been happening more and more as I came home, only growing worries on James' worsening habits, the idea of drugs coming to mind, but I tried to shake it from my head, just wanting a nice time at home. 

I unlocked the door, the house quiet except for the soft strum of a guitar in James’ mini studio, which was just an extra bedroom we had turned into a spot for him to store his instruments and for his practeing. We hoped one day for it to become a nursery, a room for our future child.

I followed the music, the half open door allowing me to peek at James, hunched over one of his explorers, fiddling with the strings as he danced around the fretboard with his talented fingers. I smiled at the sweet sight, slowly entering the room.

“Whatcha working on?” I asked, announcing my arrival home. James looked up at me, at first a smile on his face, but he quickly dropped it. His actions only confused me further.

“Uhm, not much, just… a couple riffs and stuff for the new album..” He answered, still picking at the strings with something unreadable in his eyes.

I nodded, smiling at him, “It sounds good, I'm excited to hear it,” I responded before speaking again, “Work was so exhausting today, I don't know how I put up with it anymore,” I said with a laughy sigh, trying to lighten the statement.

James just shrugged. “I mean, I don't really see how a nine to five can really be that tiring,” He disputed, but his tone sounded unsure, shaky like how it did when we first met. But there was a force, an anger of some kind.

I was even more lost with his shift in attitude, “Well, what do you mean? You don't work one, you wouldn't know,” I argued back with more aggression than I meant.

“Yeah, I don't work one. Your job is light and relaxing feather work compared to the shit I do. You are out doing twelve hours a day for months on end at a studio, being out for a year just to tour and shit, you don't make anything working that job, I'm the one paying the bills with my money.” James spat, cold and bitter. His words rung in my ears, repeating each syllable like a painful stab. My brain scrambled for reasons to understand his reaction and response to my complaint of work.

James' piercing blue eyes still starred up and me, my mouth agape in shock. Why would he act like this? He loved me. He just told me he did the other week before we went to bed. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. What is wrong in his life that I don't know about, that he wont tell me about.

My eyes scanned the room, searching for anything that might explain this behavior of his. Truly, anything that would help explain such a swift and sudden change in his mood, but deep down ZI knew, I was just looking for bottles, cans, cups, glasses, anything that would contain the fizzy and bitter liquid he loved. The only thing I could find was a half empty bottle, freshly opened next to the chair he sat in. That's it, that's why he's acting like this. He's just drunk. He doesn't mean it. He doesn't mean it.

Or so I thought.

Even with my new found reasoning, his words still hurt a great amount, the pain struggling to leave. A simple insult, just telling me how I don't work as hard as him, that my job isn't as crucial as his. I took a breath, trying to control and reign in my emotions before I could meltdown in front of him for such a stupid reason. Drunken words, not filled or backed by any true thoughts. Right?

But they do say drunk words are sober thoughts.

“I- well,” I tried to speak, but I couldn't come up with the words. What would I say? I didn't want to make him any more upset than he seemed to be, but I didn't want to submit to him so easily, especially after such disrespect. But I knew better. I don't lash out, I keep him happy. We will work this out together, we have to.

“I'm just gonna go to bed,” I muttered under my breath, fighting back tears that needed to spill out, James rude comments only adding fuel to the fire that had been burning in me all day. Not a fire of anger, passion or desire, but a fire of hurt. Once I shut the bedroom door behind me silently, I broke. The bottle shattered, and my tears overflowed my face, covering my mouth as I cried, trying to calm myself down as I got ready for bed at such an early hour, even forgetting to make James something for dinner.

It was my day off, a relaxing Saturday I could use to have some me time, as James was gonna be out with the band all day as the brainstormed for the new album, which was still taking its baby steps into production, nowhere near any concept for songs yet. At Least that I knew of. 

James had been really tense this week, and I had tried everything to get him to relax and cheer up. Taking him out to his favorite restaurants after I came home, making him home cooked meals, getting him gifts and all things. Though there was one thing I hadn't tried. Sex.

I spent all day dolling myself up, wanting to be as bare and beautiful as possible for James. I shaved everywhere, leaving not a single trace of hair anywhere except for my head,, of course. I scrubbed every nook and cranny of my body, putting on James’ favorite set we bought together, doing my makeup just the way he liked it, lighting the candles he got for my birthday, and dousing myself in his favorite perfume I owned. All the lights were out, except for the lowlights of the candles in the bedroom. I laid on the mattress, waiting for James to come home, hoping this would finally get him to unwind from his stress.

I heard James’ keys jingle in the door, and I could feel myself getting more and more excited for his arrival. This would be one of the few times I would have him sober, as when they worked on material they rarely drank or did anything crazy, thankfully. His shoes thudded on the wooden floors, a sigh escaping his lips as I heard him slowly walk towards the bedroom.

“Are you home?” He called out to me before approaching the bedroom door, taking in the sight of me and the room I had spent the evening preparing for this moment.

“Hey baby,” I mused with a smirk, looking up at him with loving eyes. His eyes met mine, looking warm for the first time in awhile.

“What's all this for?” He asked,  still taking in the well decorated bedroom and my sexy form.

“Wanted to help you relax… you've been so stressed,” I replied, grabbing his hand to try and bring him closer, to get into the bed with me.

It didn't take much more conniving, and James had given in pretty quickly to my offer. He was being more loud than normal, probably because we hadn't had the chance to be intimate like this in awhile. I loved this so much. Well, I loved being close to James again. He wasn't hitting the right spots or focussing on pleasuring me much, but that's fine, he's the one who needed to relax anyways, and I have enough time on my hands if I wanted to please myself, I guess. It didn't take long for him to come, pulling out and painting himself on my abdomen and my breath labored, coming down from…. Well, not an orgasm, but being close to one. James was beat after that, and I don't blame him for that. He had been so busy recently, I was happy we just got to share a moment like this together again. 

I laid close to him under the sheets as we both recovered, James already half asleep. I had his hand in mine, kissing each knuckle of his and more, pouting all of my love into that moment. I looked up, having felt James’ eyes on me for a while. I met his blues, and there was a slight guilt in them, a gestation and regret. But, it didn't last long as he blinked it all away, taking another breath. 

“How are you feeling now? Did it make it any better?” I asked, my voice heavy with sleep as I lazily continued to press kisses to his hand.

“I mean, yeah, I guess… It wasn't like, amazing though… I've had better, normally the groupies can do a bit more than that, y’know?” James said cooly, acting as if the words he just said didn't mean anything and had no weight to them.

“What?” Was all I could muster out, the tears already filling my eyes as I tried to process all of this.

“You heard me, the groupies normally do better.” 

The words came so normally from his mouth, as if he was just telling me the date and time. But no, he was comparing me to prostitutes, previous women he has slept with. I began to cry, not just out of hurt and sadness, but this time anger. How could he say something like that to me?

And then the worst part hit.

He was sober.

Something I would've wanted more than anything else just a few days ago is now what is causing this experience to be even worse than it is with the horrible comparison and insults James had spewn at me. He meant it. Alcohol was toying with his brain, making him into the aggravated man I had grown to know quite well over the years.

“Are… are you serious? After everything? I put myself through hell to deal with this, to go to work, to do EVERYTHING for you! I have tried so hard James. And Yet you still compare me to them?! Sluts with prices on their heads?!” I cried, anger and hurt filling the fire in my eyes, and I could swear I saw Jamw\es’ cold attitude falter for just a moment. Maybe it was what I was hoping for, that it was all an act, that he truly did love me deep down, but maybe he didn't. Maybe this is the truth I had been hiding from all these months.

James didn't res;ond, just sighing with a shrug.

That's what pushed me over the edge.

“Are you fucki ng serious? You're not even gonna try and fight for this? Get out of here! We're done. Since you don't appreciate anything I do for you nowadays, I don't want you in here anymore. Pack your shit and leave.” I cursed at him as I continued to sob, processing the moments that passed, feeling as if the earth was slowing, each second hitting me hard and heavy.

I could see a slight guilt in James’ eyes, and as much I wanted to believe it was true, I couldn't give it in myself to do that anymore. I couldn't keep living this lie. He nodded, staying silent as I cried, slipping on his clothes and grabbing some things he'd need for the night.

“I loved you because you loved me, or so I thought you loved me, truly you don't give a shit!” I called out again, hearing James breath hitch at my harsh words, but he just left. No goodbye, the final words spoken to us only filled with hate and hurt, though millions went unspoken.

— —- — —> A FEW MONTHS LATER…

Not a lot has happened since I broke up with James, but a lot has changed. Maybe for the better. I miss him terribly, but a lot of weight is off of my shoulders now. I'm no longer worrying about having to make elaborate meals for him, or to do everything in my power to make him happy as [possible, watching my words at all times to make sure I wont say anything that might upset him. It was a large change. The house is still cold like how it was with him, but its a different kind of cold. There is no warmth of another body. Its quiet, no more TV static and laughter or guitar. Work had only gotten more tiring, but I had recently gotten promoted, something I had wanted for a long, long time.

I haven't spoken to James since we broke up. I know he had come by the next day, as when he left that night he only took clothes to last him the night, and when I came home from work, all of his belongings were gone, and his spare key was left on the counter, all of his music gear out of the house, leaving me a now empty room, not to house his guitars, and no longer holding the hopes and dreams of a future child.

Or so I thought all of his stuff was gone.

I came home after work, the house dark and silent, turning on the lights before going into the former music room, which had now become my office for the time being, as I needed one for the promotion, to be able to have a comfortable spot where I could do other work tasks from home. I set down my purse, sitting in my computer chair and sliding off my heels. I saw something in the corner of my eye, something that somehow had never caught my eye all these months. 

An ashtray, repurposed to hold James’ many guitar picks. It was behind a lamp that was in the corner of the room on an end table. There was more than just guitar pics, but one of his rings. Like the ones he always wore on stage, the cool reflective metal that shone brightly under the spotlight. I paused, only having gotten one heel off, so confused as to how I never noticed. I sat in this same chair, facing the same direction, taking my heels off the same each day. I quickly got the other off before walking towards the table, picking up the ashtray, having remnants of cigarette butts and ash, some of which covered the pics. There had to be at least 20 of those pics, I don't know how James could forget such a thing, along with one of his more favorite rings. He wore it when we met, but I never made the connection as to that being the reason he left it. I missed him, yes, but having these almost made it worse. Like the world was teasing me that he is gone, that I won't be able to be held by him again, because he doesnt love me anymore. How I still love him, I don't know. Part of me still wants to believe he never meant any of it, but the chances of that being true is slim now. But, I didn't have the heart to call him, to return them to him. He would have come to get them by now, right? 

I picked up the cold metal, holding it in my hand before slipping it on my ring finger. It was too large, slipping off quite easily. I tried the next, my middle finger, and it fit well enough to not fall off. It felt so wrong to wear, but it made me feel closer to him. I hated it, but I loved it. A little piece of him to be with me always. ‘God, I sound like a wife mourning her husband who died in a war.’ Was all I could think to myself, setting back down the ash tray and taking off the ring before sitting back down in my office chair, trying to shake my head of the matter so I could focus on the important task at hand, work.

I spent about two hours on the assignment before finishing it among other things, now exhausted even further. I stumbled towards the bedroom, changing into my pajama pants and a sleep shirt. Since the break up, I have refused to wear or even look at the clothes sJames had bought me. I didn't feel any desire to wear those things now that I knew he would be the one to see me in them. I never really wanted to wear clothes like that, but knowing he liked it made me like it. Now that he's gone, so is that enjoyment. I layed down on the mattress, sinking down as it swallowed me and the day whole. I had gotten used to the loneliness of sleeping alone, even after having a body next to me for the last four years. Maybe it was an easier adjustment as towards the end it was like sleeping next to no one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last few months are hard to describe. I can't explain it, I really can't. I've never been more lonely in my life, drowning all of my sorrows in the bitter bottles that wasted away each night and day. I've tried putting my energy elsewhere, focusing more on the band than I was earlier, trying to pour my emotions into guitar and lyrics, but nothing works. Nothing matches what I once had. What I threw away. What I ruined. Though, all my life, through all my struggles, there was one thing I learned.

Mask your emotions, hide your turmoil. It's something I had quickly gotten good at from a young age.

Or so I thought.

I went out for drinks with Lars to discuss lyrics and other parts of music for the record, as we normally had for our other productions and everything. We had another few weeks before we went into the studio, where we planned to record for many months, wanting this release to be the best we ever had. 

Before I had even gone out to the bar with Lars, I had already had a few bars at home, or what I had tried to make into my home. It was a home, yeah, but it didn't feel homey. There was no warmth or touch to it to make it seem whimsical or joyful. I know I have a problem, but what is there I can do. 

When I got there, Lars’s car was already outside, and I knew I was late by thirty minutes, having to build up the motivation to leave the house for a reason other than food, so trying to get up and socialize and talk about important stuff was not on my top choices to do.

I trudged in, my eyes darting around for the Danish, who was never that hard to find. And as I expected, I found him somewhat quickly, taking a seat next to him and ordering a drink for myself.

“Hey man, where the fock have you been? Been waiting here ages for ya,” Lars commented with his laugh, sipping on his own drink.

I just shrugged, “Sorry man, there was just…” I tried to think of a reasonable excuse, but none could come to mind. “Traffic, y’know, it gets bad around five or six, all those people getting off of work,” I explained, thinking I was an expert at this facade.

“Alright, whatever you say. Let's get to work now, yeah?” Lars tried to believe me, but it was clear he knew there was something more to what I said. 

I just nodded, “Yeah,” I answered, and Lars took out his notepad where he already had some ideas for songs. The mask was as strong as stone, no way to see in.

Or so I thought.

 Lars looked back to me, a thought popping back in his mind, “Traffic? There's normally not much in this area, I mean before you moved out of that place, shit, traffic was bad, but here? No way,” Lars questioned me, no longer believing a word I had said. 

“Well, I guess it was just different today…” I muttered, “Let's just start now, leave it be,”. Lars agreed reluctantly, and soon we were sharing ideas sas I jotted down lyrics, Lars taking turns as we debated on the new project.

Of course, as we worked, we were drinking. Me more than him, and it was getting me tipsy, and then drunk. Normally we wouldn't get drunk during lyric writing, just a bit.. Wobbly, I guess. We were just reviewing the lyrics for the third song we were jotting up and I had ordered another drink.

“Jesus man, you only focused on drinking? We got shit to do!” Lars complained to me, and I just shrugged. “Sorry, got my priorities here…” I joked, and Lars only gave a pity laugh.

“Is something up? You've been acting weird as hell for the last few months. We barely see you anymore, and when we do, you're late.” He informed me firmly, clearly not wanting to put up with my demeanor much longer.

“I'm fine, didn't I already tell you that?” I responded, and at this point I just wanted to go home. “Well, you can tell me it a million fuckin’ times and that doesnyt mean Ill believe you,” He rebuttled, and I sighed. “So, what's up with you?”

I didn't want to answer, well sober me would've deflected. But drunk me? He doesn't have much of a filter. Who does when they're drunk anyways?

“Nothings up with me, just dealing with shit…” I answered, taking another sip of my drink.

“Ok, well dealing with what?” 

“The breakup, and everything,” I answered, my eyes avoiding Lars’s own.

“Ohh, yeah, I see. What happened anyways? You never went into detail, just saying she kicked you out in the middle of the night. The fuck did you do to her?” He laughed, but the sting of the memories still remained.

“I.. well, I told her she was a shit cook, lazy, didnt work as hard me, and that groupies fuck better,” I admitted. Lars' face changed from a small smile to a look of shock.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah”

“What would make you say something like that?! That's totally messed up!” I knew this would be shocking, especially coming from me to say something like that. But I didn't expect him to be this shocked.

“No, I did it for a reason, I'm not just some asshole! I didn't want to break up with her, and I didnt want her to break up with me, but I knew I had to get her to break up with me. I keep drinking, and it makes me into… I don't know, I'm a different person and I don't want to hurt her. The only option was to force her to break up with me.” I tried to explain, but Lars was quick to respond.

“Only option?! Have you heard of rehab? Getting help? Did she just let you waste away?”

“I didn't want to go to rehab either, and no, she did try to help, but I don't want help…” It was getting embarrassing at this point, showing how weak I had become.

“James, not everything is about what you want! There's things you need to do, but you don't want to. Those are just as important.” He paused, hoping my worlds would process through me as he thought of an idea. “How about this, clean up your act a bit and I'll get her back over here and you can go back to paradise, alright?” Lars offered and I perked up a bit.

“How the hell do you expect her to come back to me after all of that?”

“I never said she'd come back to you, I said I can get her over here, make you guys talk or something.” He corrected me, and I just rolled my eyes.

“Well how are you gonna get her to come here? She probably hates me at this point,” 

“I have my ways, we were closer friends than you probably remember,” Lars’ words didn't help. He could never explain his plan, and that's what always ticked me off about him.

“Fine, whatever, work your midget magic or something,” I muttered under my breath.

“What did you just say to me?” 

“Nothing, nothing, just do whatever it is, alright?” 

“Fine.”

— — — — > A WEEK LATER…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time moves slow these days. But not in a bad way, it was nice that life was hitting the breaks a bit instead of the pedal. Though, that joy wouldn't last long.

I sat in my office chair at work, working on some papers my boss had handed me a few minutes ago. He was giving me stack after stack after stack of papers today, all coming with my promotion I got a bit back. More money means more work, and more work means more money, so I guess it isn't all too bad in the long run. I glanced up from my paper, eyeing the now double repurposed ashtray, one being made for the intents of cigarette butts, then guitar pics, and now it held my keys and some other trinkets, including one singular guitar pic of James, one of his favorites. 

I was startled out of my thoughts by hearing the office phone ring, quickly reaching to grab it, assuming it was a customer call.

“Hi, this is Capital Advisors, how can I help you?” I offered in a cheery tone, but the voice I heard response was not what I had expected.

“Hey man, look, it's Lars, something happened to James, you mind heading down to the studio?”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Sure, Lars and I were close, but we haven't talked much since James and I’s break up. My words caught in my throat, processing the second half. “Something happened to James? What happened? Is he ok?” Even though he proved himself worthy of a break up, I still couldn't shake my love and worry for him.

“Uhhhh, yeah, no, sure he's fine, but you just needa come to the studio?” Lars rambled, not sure how to keep up his lie.

“Ok, yeah, of course, when do I need to be there?” My mind was racing, Lars wasn't being direct with what happened, so my mind could only think of the worst. He always poland things off to make them not seem as bad as they were. What if James fell and hurt himself? Overdosed on something? Only darker thoughts hit my mind.

“Like, now, this can't wait,” Lars demanded, and I had no choice but to agree.

“Yeah, I will be there as soon as I can, ok? Tell him I’ll be there soon, I don't want him to worry,” I gave in and then Lars thanked me and hung up. 

Now I don't know what to do. My boss wasn't the type of person to just let me leave whenever I want, and I had already promised to Lars I would be there immediately. Though, my worries got the best of me and I quickly began to gather my stuff together. I grabbed my keys and my purse, quickly heading to my boss's office. 

I always hated going in here, it was freezing since the AC was always blasted, and it reeked of musty air freshener. I gently knocked on the door before I heard his baritone voice respond, telling me to come in. I entered, seeing him sitting there, filing papers. 

“Can I help you?” He said in a monotone voice, opening and shutting cabinets.

“Yes, I need to leave, like right now. ITs an emergency, family matter,” I tried to briefly explain, but it didn't take long for him to come up with a new response.

“Emergency? Of what? Is someone dying?” His eyes looked up from his papers, meeting mine as he waited for an answer.

“I… Well, I don't know,” I muttered, and it was true, I really didn't. With Lars’ vagueness, I tru;y didn't have a reason to not assume James was already on his deathbed.

“How can you not know?” He questioned me as if I was stupid, then noticing my pale and shaky look of true worry, “Fine, yes, you can go, but you're leaving three hours early. I want you working those hours back tomorrow. Understood?” He finally made an offer, and I quickly accepted without hesitation.

“Yes, thank you, and I'm sorry,” I responded with a smile and a nod, quickly leaving the office and getting to my car as fast as possible. Lars never specified where exactly the studio was, but I had been there a few times with James to hear them practice and record. I did my best to remember the way there, speeding in some places and having to make a couple U turns to figure out the exact spot. The whole time my head was buzzing, I could not think of one normal reason as to why James would want me there. He clearly didn’t like me much towards the end, even though I still like to think he never meant it and that it was only the alcohol talking, but I was probably wrong. Why did I still care so much after being so wrongfully disrespected? Part of me still loved him. Still wanted to wake up next to him every morning, hear the faint strumming of a guitar whenever I came home from work. Now those days were gone, and never looked like they would return. I still worried for the worst for James, endless horrid possibilities arising in my brain, all trying to piece the puzzle together.

When I finally pulled up, I saw two other cars out in front, not seeing James’ car, assuming Lars gave him a ride and KIrk giving Jason one. No cop cars or ambulances or fire trucks, so he isn't dying, or maybe they already left. Maybe I was too late? 

I quickly got out of the car, almost running to the studio door, knocking until Lars came and opened it for me.

“Hey! There you are, took ya long eno-” Lars was quickly cut off by my own anxieties.

“Where is he? Is he ok? Was I not fast enough?” I quickly voiced out, my eyes darting around the inside and searching for him.

“Yeah, relax. He's fine. He's inside-”

“If he's fine then why did you make me come here from work?! I thought he was dying or something crazy,” I cut him off, questioning his efforts.

“No, none of that, you worry too much. He just wants to talk with you,” Lars answered, and my previous worries and a new suspicion grew in me.

“Just want to talk? Last time I talked with him he was critiquing me! He hates me! He doesn't want anything to do with me!” I voiced the feelings that had been clawing at me for months, never having anyone to tell them to.

“Or so you think. Look, just talk to him, that's all this is, ok?” Lars grew tired of my attitude and clearly I would have to give in soon.

“I want to, I want to talk to him, but I doubt he wants to talk to me,” I responded, trying to further explain my hesitations.

“I just told you that he wants to talk to you! Go in there, please!” Lars pleaded with me, and I sighed, finally agreeing.

“Ok, ok, I will,” I answered, beginning to head into the studio.

“Thank you! He's just down the hall, in that room with the sound equipment and everything,” Lars informed me, and I followed him, seeing James hunched over a table, scribbling down on a piece of paper. My heart was racing now. I hadn't seen him since that night. I didn't know what I would say to him, I was worried what he would say to me.

Then he looked up at me.

His cold, piercing blue eyes, a newfound softness in them as our eyes met. I avoided his eyes, but felt his lingering on me. Lars guided me in, shutting the door behind himself, leaving us alone. I was unsure of what to say, my eyes lingering on the floor, hearing James set down his pen.

“Uh… hi…” He started, probably just as unsure as I was.

“Hi,” I responded back shyly, avoiding his gaze, though I could still feel his own on me. The sound of footsteps approached me, instantly recognizing them as James’, and then I heard a click. Lars had locked us in here, now forced to talk.

“I.. I'm sorry, I really am,” He mumbled, and I looked up at him, seeing a true guilt in his eyes, “I wish I didn't do it, that I didn't say those things, that I didn't make you hurt so much like that… I should’ve been much more, well, mature about it. I feel like shit for everything,” James explained to me, but this only caused me to have more and more questions.  

“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice still a hushed whisper as a wave of various emotions crashed down on me. “I had reasons for what I did, I just wish I went about it differently. I wish I had listened to you when you had offered me help. I didn't want to hurt you with my habits, and I couldn't break up with you, I didn't want to be the one to do that, so… so I tried to make you break up with me, and you did. Everything I said, it was a lie. I never meant it. You're a great cook, you work hard, you're just… you're amazing, you're too good for me.” James confessed, and I could feel a bit of the cold melt away, though still a hurt in my heart.

“Then why make me come and tell me all of this? This would only pour salt in that wound, no?” I was still confused at why he would make such an effort, but I still found it touching.

“Because I still love you. I want things back the way they were. I swear on everything, I've changed. I miss you more than anything-” I cut him off with a sweet kiss to his lips, and he melted into me, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting and loving embrace.

After James pulled away, he looked me in my eyes, “How could you forgive me for saying all of that to you?” He began, “Id think you would just… hate me, I was a total jerk,”

“Or so you'd think. I still love you and miss you more than you could imagine,” I responded with a  small smile, and James matched mine, kissing me again. “Can… can I show you how much I've missed you?” James asked in a mumbled tone, clearly a bit embarrassed. My cheeks heated up at his offer and I giggled, nodding as our lips met a third time, a new hunger and desire now displayed. Slowly, he walked me to the table until I had backed up into it, his hands trailing up my sides until we broke away, his lips now going down my neck, eliciting a needy whine from the back of my throat, my hands pulling him closer, snaking under his shirt to trace his skin. 

James’s fingers slipped under my shirt, working to get it off of my head, leaving my neck for only a second to remove the fabric before attaching himself to my sensitive flesh, feeling him suck and nibble, definitely leaving bruises. He gave a more harsh bite, causing me to whimper, then soothing it over with his tongue before pulling away. Soon his gaze focused on my breasts, still confined with my bra. His eyes met mine again, “Can I take it off?” He asked ,already reaching around my back to work on the clasp, which had become an easy task for him. I nodded, and soon the garment was now on the floor with my shirt. The cold air caused my nipples to erect immediately, and James’ eyes were locked on them, cupping the in his hands as he squeezed them and pinched at my nipples, making me make high needy sounds, causing him to smirk, kissing around the soft flesh, teasing me with every movement he made. 

I began to claw at his shirt, trying to take it off of him, so he reluctantly pulled away from my chest, removing his own shirt, giving me a view I had missed more than I care to admit. My eyes dragged slowly over the newly exposed skin, and his lips crashed down on mine again, pushing me back so far I was now laying down on the table, the cold wood causing goosebumps to rise on my skin. I tugged at James’ pants, feeling myself grow wetter at the moment. He slipped down his pants, leaving him in only his boxers as you pulled down my skirt, leaving me in only my panties. I could see the bulge in his final layer grow at the new sight, and then he got on his knees, gripping the sides of my aunties and taking them off in a swift motion, leaving my glistening folds exposed to his hungry view.. His warm lips teased my thighs, kissing around the area I needed him most, making me writhe with desire. Eventually, his tongue found my center, giving it soft licks at first, parting my folds with his tongue. A moan escaped my throat, and James took it as his sign to keep going, burying his face between my thighs. He licked and sucked at my hole, probing at it with his tongue as his nose nudged my sensitive clit. My hand snaked into his long blonde locks, gripping his scalp tightly as I pulled him closer. I could hear him groan into my flesh, causing a vibration to coarse through me, making me moan again as I came closer to my first high. Eventually James moved further up, giving more attention to my aching clit, giving it gentle licks first to tease me before sucking it into his mouth, biting it softly, making me squeal from his ministrations.

“Jamei, fuck, Im gonna cum,” I whined out, tugging on hair harder, causing him to let out another low groan as he continued to feast on me. “Cum for me pretty girl,” He mumbled into my flesh, and like that my orgasm washed over me, a breathy moan falling my lips, feeling my core pulsate , releasing my grip on James’ head, allowing him to pull back.

James chin was drenched in my essence and his spit, some caught in his facial hair, wiping it off on the back of his hand. I dont think Ive seen anything hotter. His eyes landed on mine, and I noticed a lustful darkness in them, kissing me again as our tongues tangled in a battle for dominance, James winning in the end, and soon his boxers were on the ground, both of us bare in front of each other again.

JAmes broke the kiss, trailing his lips down my neck, leaving new hickeys and bruises in his wake as they now peppered my neck. I felt his tip at my entrance and I squirmed, his lips leaving my bruised flesh. “You ready, baby?” He asked, taking my hand in his, and I nodded, feeling him slowly push into me, the stretching sensation stinging my insides, a delicious stretch my body had missed as I tried to accommodate his size. Once he was to the hilt, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, squeezing his hand tightly.

I gave him a look of a need, and he gook note, slowly beginning to pump his hips, untwining our fingers as he positioned himself with better support, placing his arms on either side of my head. With every thrust a moan escaped my throat, tears pricking at my eyes from the pleasure. “Fuck, you’re so tight… haven't had anything since me, hmmm?” James whispered to me, and I could only whine in response, his calloused fingers sneaking down to my clit, brushing the bud lightly with the pad of thumb, and I began to squirm around his cock, feeling his thrusts increase with speed, more grunts falling from James.

The table I laid on creaked beneath from our frevorus movements of need, completely forgetting we were still in the studio. The band was still in that studio. This room wasn't for recording, very little sound blockers. Anyone in this building could hear us. The thought didn't pass my mind once throughout the whole experience, only focused and becoming closer with James once again, not just in body, but in our connection reforming with every minstration from either of us.

James' thrusts grew relentless, only increasing the pleasure for both of us as he chased his own high, helping me with mine, continuing to toy with and stroke my clit, moans and whines leaving me with any movement he made. “So pretty like this, baby, taking me so well,” He groaned, his small grunts and moans filling my ears like sweet music. I began to buck my hips, knowing that my orgasm was approaching, James not far behind, his vocal expression of pleasure growing in number and volume, mixing with my own mewls and moans, that and the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room, my nails clawing his back.

My eyes began to roll back, James’ name falling from my lips a thousand times as my legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull him deeper to finally bring me to edge. James noticed and thrusted harder, hitting that special spot with every movement, making me have to cover my mouth with my hand, the unholy noises escaping me growing too loud for us to stay secret. James disapproved, “Mmmm, don't do that baby, let me hear you cum around my cock,” He cooed, and that was all the encouragement I needed to come over the edge, a high pitched moan coming from me, feeling my walls clamp down on James’ length, pulsating as waves of pleasure cascaded over me. James helped me ride through it, still rubbing my sensitive nub, his thrusts losing rhythm as he approached his own high.

“Fuck, sweetie, gonna cum inside you…” He grunted, his pace increasing as his movement became erratic with pleasure. “Take it, take it like a good girl, baby,” He moaned, his load shooting deep inside of me and painting my walls white with his seed. His hips sputtered, bucking into me as he collapsed on top of me, our sweaty foreheads clinging together as we both recovered from the intense orgasms, trying to catch our breath. James pressed soft, lazy kisses around my face, reminding me how much he loved me and how he'd never hurt me again if given the chance.

After a moment, we both had come down from our highs, James’ softening member sliding out of me with a pop. He looked down at the mess between my thighs, all evidence of our pleasure with each other. “Youre fuckin’ perfect,” He muttered, his eyes dragging over me.

“Are the groupies still better?” I teased him, remembering our bickering that was one real, or so I thought it was real fighting.

“Oh, hell no, they don't stand a chance to this,” He responded with a smile, and I smiled back.

We cleaned up, slipping back on our clothes so we were somewhat presentable. Only now did the realization that we were never once alone in this studio and the rest of the band was outside had hit me. A wave of embarrassment flowed over me, my cheeks flushing even more than they were before given the previous activities. Both James and I looked quite disheveled, our hair a mess and clothes wrinkled. I tried to shake off whatever nervousness I had in me as James put his arm around me. We went to reach for the door handle, only to find out it was still locked. Now it would be even more awkward. James knocked on the door from the inside, calling out to Lars, or anyone else in the studio.

“Guys? Lars? Can someone unlock the door?” And it wasn't long before footsteps approached, hearing a key click as the door swung open, Lars, more curious than ever eyed both my own and James’ appearance, noticing the hickeys, the slight wobble I gave, and any other imperfections that we might have displayed.

“I take it you two worked things out?”

— — — — > A FEW WEEKS LATER…

It had taken some time, a lot of talking, and more than just one hook up for James and I to work out any other issues that we had with each other. We met up a lot in the recent weeks after that, discussing different ways on how to help James with his drinking, and just trying to regain eachothers trust.

Soon enough though, James had moved back in with me. I kept my office space, but now the room was split in two halves. I worked in one half, while James did his guitar work in the other half. It was a fairly large room, so we both had our own spaces and rarely bothered each other. If I had a work call or anything that required silence, James would just migrate to the living room.

It was the same old schedule we had all those months ago, and I was now returning from work. It was Friday, now I would have plenty of time to relax and be with James. I pulled into the driveway, parking and getting out of my car as I walked up to the porch, the click of my heels following my steps on the cement. The lights were on, the door unlocked. I could hear a faint strumming coming from inside, meaning James was hard at work on new material for the album. It was my favorite thing to listen to while doing work assignments at home.

I walked in with a huff, setting down my purse and keys on the counter before heading to the shared office space. James wasn't playing much, just sounded like scales and chords for his warm ups. “How was work, baby?” James greeted me, still focused on his guitar. “It was a bit tiring, but it was good. I think my boss is starting to like me,” I answered, settling into my chair. He nodded in response, going back to fiddling with the strings.

It wasn't until a little later a soft, sweet and melodic tune had hit my ears. Much different than what Metallica normally plates. James hummed along to it, almost like he had lyrics already written out. But knowing him, he probably did.

“What are you playing? It sounds really nice,” I started, listening to a few more notes before continuing, “It's not what you guys normally play,” I commented, and James let out a deep hum in response. “Just something new I'm working on,” He replied, and I nodded, getting back to work.

Only this time, I couldn't focus. Normally James’s music helped me to focus, becoming a comforting background noise. This time though, I couldn't get my mind off of that melody. He kept going, and each second I kept getting more and more captivated by it. 

“That songs really pretty, I like it,” I said, scribbling down whatever notes I couldnt on a piece of paper. “Thanks, it's actually, uhm..” He trailed off, and I knew something was up. I spun around in my chair, going to face him. “It's what?” I asked, confused by his shy demeanor. 

“It's called ‘Nothing Else Matters’,” He stated, finally stopping picking at the strings. “Nothing Else Matters?” I repeated, connecting whatever the lyrics might be in my head to the melody. Normally their slower, melodic songs were dark and heavy topics, so I expected the same with this one.

“Yeah,” James answered, “I wrote the lyrics about you, actually,” He muttered softly, though I still picked it up. “About me?” I questioned, slightly shocked. “Yeah… I've thought a lot about, well, everything recently. Ever since that point a few months back I've reflected and everything… Rumors spread, and I just want everyone out there to get the right idea,” He paused, searching for the right words, “I want people out there to know that you're all I care about, you mean more than the world to me, and I want everyone to know that,” He stated, his tone true and emotional. I had never heard him say sweeter words to me, and I knew that he was speaking nothing other than the truth, I could see it in his eyes, there's a way to read people, and James wasn't easy to read, but you soon could learn the lingo.

“That means a lot to me, Jamie,” I answered, smiling at him. I got up from my chair to sit next to him on the couch, leaning against him. “Thank you,” I said, kissing him on the cheek. “You don't need to thank me, sweetheart,” James responded, wrapping his arm around me.

And now, I knew my whole world was whole again. What was once hatred, or so I thought was hatred, was once again love, everything as it should be.

[waynes-multiverse]

I was so tired yesterday I knew if I read it I wouldn’t do it justice, so had to wait till I was better rested.

I feel like this was a theme for all of us before the summer. I felt that comment in my tired bones 😂 Hope all's good with you, though! Missed ya a lot, friend 🤍

“Out of the two of us, you’re the way bigger wreck. Some would even think it’s your husband who died, not mine.” broke me

I'm glad it broke you! I was rather proud of that line 😂 Plus, I think she made a great point for Beau lol

I love Beau asking about the dating, and doing it about face as soon as he realizes other guys have made inquiries.

Haha yes! Beau was hearing that and going, "Dammit! And here I thought I was being an honorable gentleman by giving her time to grieve. Meanwhile, these cockroaches are already hitting on her like damn vultures! Her husband's body ain't even cold yet..." 😂

And the vibrator line – Quinn got apology cookies for the laugh that I cackled out and woke him!

Oh, she definitely was pushing boundaries there 🤣 And yay, cookies for Quinn!!! 🍪

I know it was meant to be sweet, but very, very bittersweet – beautiful!

Ooof, right? Part of what I loved writing about this series were these really tragic moments between them. There's always this "wrong place, wrong time" dangling in the air and tons of "what ifs". Well, hopefully the stars align for them... 😉

And BTW, you have the paragraph

Ah, thanks!!! That one got away from me. Finally corrected it after months... 😂🙈

I swear to the Gods, when I read “He was making up for lost time as best as he could, even if it meant taking you out every night for the rest of your life.” the next thing I heard in my head was “ because he doesn’t have much time left to do it,” and that stopped me cold. Foreshadowing, or too much Dateline – I’m not sure. But it gave me chills.)

Ooop, we'll see where this story leads... Might not be death that will haunt her and cause a rift 👀 (Or maybe it will 🤷‍♀️)

Quoting all these lines back to me? You're making my writer heart soar, woman! 😍❤️❤️❤️ (On a side note, I really loved the metaphor with the cassette tape. He really is her B-side 🥰)

“Not at all, Sheriff. You know I always appreciate your input,” (that double entendre got Quinn another cookie!)

I imagine Jenny internally also snorted pretty hard at that one 😂

And man, you ended on kind of an ominous note… I’ve got a real bad feeling. Whatever happens, at least they have that soft moment between them.

Yup, let's hope it won't be the last! 🤞

Polaris – Chapter 7

Series Summary: When Beau Arlen moved to Montana, he left behind a past he wasn’t proud of. But when a series of murders requires the FBI’s help, Sheriff Arlen‘s ghosts come back to haunt him one by one. With a wrong turn waiting at every crossroads, it’s hard to make the right choices and find his way back home – back to you.

Pairing: Beau Arlen x FBI Agent!Reader

Warnings: 18+, fluff, angst, serial killer, mentions of cartels, grief, smut

Word Count: 7.2k

A/N: The chapter where we find out why Ted is on Beau's punch list aka The One With Ted... 😂

Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist || Tag List

Chapter 7: Storm Coming

May 2021

“I sold the house,” you said, your voice ripping through the quiet of the car during another starry stake-out night.

“So you’re homeless now?” Beau joked and peeled his eyes away from the front window view and glanced at you from the driver’s seat, his hand resting on the steering wheel, the other one in his lap.

You chuckled. “Yup, but I got a hot plate now in my motel room and one of those Italian moka pots. So, you know, some would say I’m living the dream.”

Beau snorted in amusement before he pensively rubbed his mouth with two fingers. “You didn’t have to sell the house, you know?”

You heaved a sigh. “Yeah, I kinda did, though… I didn’t like staying in there anymore. It’s just… too many memories, I guess? ‘Sides, I’m always down here anyways. Actually considering moving here.”

Beau frowned at you, his nose scrunching. “What, to Mexico? Are you nuts? Over my dead body are you doin’ that.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had a say in it,” you retorted rather playfully and put a shocked palm on your chest in mock.

“Damn right, I do,” Beau scoffed his reply with a teasing grin. “Who do you think is lookin’ out for ya, huh?”

“Wait, you think you are? That’s what you believe?” You snorted a laugh, entering banter territory with him.

It was usually how you passed your time during most of these stake-outs – laughing, teasing, and the occasional talking about your problems. You’d never known Beau like this before. He was your husband’s best friend, but he had been more of an acquaintance to you. Now, after months of spending close to every day together, it felt like he was your best friend. Since Randy’s death, he’d been there for you, even if it was mostly out of guilt.

“Yeah, what d’you think?” Beau countered challengingly.

“Oh sweetie, you’re not looking after me. I’m looking after you,” you stated confidently. The smile that twitched on his lips seemed to actually agree with you. “Out of the two of us, you’re the way bigger wreck. Some would even think it’s your husband who died, not mine.”

“Are you calling me a girl?”

You coolly shrugged your shoulders. “Either I’m calling you a girl, or I’m calling you gay. I’ll let you pick.”

Laughingly, Beau scoffed and muttered, “You wish I was gay.”

However, you still heard his mumbled reply and responded, “Actually, I wish you were a girl and that I was gay.”

Beau stared at you and leaned back against the door for a better view of you, his brow raised and the corners of his lips drawn slightly upwards in amusement. “What are we even talking about?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted with a shake of your head.

The two of you then burst into loud laughter that filled the entire SUV. For a moment, all your sorrows and hardships seemed to be forgotten, carried away to the desert with the nightly breeze. Then, the familiar and comfortable quiet took over the car again.

“I’m moving out of the house, too,” Beau said, his eyes focusing on the barren landscape and desolate road ahead. “I’m giving it to Carla. I mean, she didn’t ask me to. God knows she can take care of herself… But I want Emily to keep living in the home she grew up in, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that. That’s really nice,” you said quietly. Your soft smile then morphed to a grin. “So you’re homeless, too, huh?”

Beau laughed, throwing his head back into the seat. “Yeah, guess I am. Maybe we should live together?” he suggested half-jokingly.

“Like roommates? Ugh, God no!” You scoffed in abhorrence. “We’re way too old for that. You’re over forty, I’m barely in my thirties–”

“You do know I know exactly how old you really are, right?” Beau teased.

You decided to ignore that jab and continued, unbothered. “It would be seriously so sad. The Widow And The Divorcee – sounds like the worst sitcom on the planet. ‘Sides, it’d be super awkward if one of us starts dating again.”

“Fine, maybe you’re right,” Beau relented with a soft chuckle and then glanced at you sideways. His heart gained speed in his chest. “You ever think about it? Dating? Gettin’ out there again? Been nine months.”

You twitched your shoulders, choosing not to look at him. “I don’t know. Is nine months long enough after your husband died?”

Thoughtfully, Beau licked his lips and let out a small sigh. “I don’t think there’s a timeline, or a right and wrong. I just think it’s one of those things that when you’re ready, you’re ready.”
 “Well, consider me not ready then, I guess,” you replied honestly.

“Alright,” Beau accepted, bobbing his head. “But I still think you should try again at some point, you know? You shouldn’t be alone for the rest of your life. First of all, it’d be a total waste, ‘cause, I mean, look at you. And secondly, you’re barely in your thirties, after all,” he repeated your earlier joke with a soft grin.

You felt the heat creep to your cheeks in the moonlight. As you looked at him, you could see his smirk, making you laugh. “Noted,” you replied and were thankful for his pep talk. “I mean, there’ve been offers.”

Beau quirked one eyebrow, a hard lump forming in his throat as his chest tightened. “Offers? Like plural? Who?”

“Well, just some of the guys from our team. Cody, Jordan, Ted…” you named a few. “Also a few locals. Remember those guys we played pool with a few weeks ago? Two of ‘em asked for my number.”

“Huh. That is plural…” Beau pursed his lips and couldn’t keep his brow from wrinkling, his grip on the steering wheel stiffening. “Well, you know, when you’re not ready, you’re not ready. Shouldn’t force anything. No rush, darlin’.”

Smooth, Beau thought wryly with an internal sigh.

“Right, I know,” you agreed. “I do miss sex, though. Getting kinda bored of my vibrator.”

Beau choked on his spit. “Jesus…”

“What? Am I not allowed to talk about it? I thought we were friends. You’re supposed to care about my well-being and happiness,” you argued, frowning.

“I do care. Just… Can we please not talk about that?” he begged and exhaled a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his freckled nose.

“Fine. I miss having women around…” You shrugged and muttered, “Didn’t peg you for a prude.”

“Okay, let’s just get one thing straight – I’m not a prude,” he clarified in defense, his cheeks turning a deep shade of red.

“Alright, also noted,” you quipped, smirking to yourself. Sometimes you enjoyed making him a little uncomfortable. His blushed cheeks could be quite cute. “What about you? Have you still not talked to Carla? I’m sure you can win her back if you tried. You’re a lot better now.”

“Well, thank you for the, uh, vote of confidence, but it’s really over, I guess. We just talked about all the divorce proceedings last time. I actually think she started datin’ someone recently,” Beau told you.

Your eyebrows rose in surprise. “Really? Who?”

“I guess some rich tech guy. I don’t know…”

“And you’re good with that?” you questioned in disbelief.

Beau scoffed a humorless chuckle, shaking his head. “Ha, no… But what am I gonna do? Kinda shot myself in the leg with that one. I don’t blame her for moving on. It’s been over for months now.”

“That sucks. I’m sorry. I was kinda rooting for you two,” you admitted.

“Well, thanks, but we weren’t you and Randy,” Beau said. It made your brow knit.

“What d’you mean?”

“C’mon, you know what I mean,” Beau replied as if it were obvious, but you still shook your head. He sighed. “You and Randy would’ve never gotten divorced.”

“You don’t know that.” Honestly, you doubted it yourself, but you were too curious to find out what he meant by his statement.

“I do know that,” Beau insisted with certainty. “You guys had that once-in-a-lifetime kinda love. The kind that made other people jealous, you know? Your love made every other relationship pale in comparison. I always figured once the honeymoon phase was over, you’d settle and be less vomit-inducing, but that never happened. Me and Carla were never like that. Not even in the beginning,” he explained, a small, soft smile shaping his mouth. “You guys were special. True love. The stuff folk singers write cheesy songs about.”

“I guess we were,” you mused quietly, the memory of everything Randy was to you causing tears to well in your eyes.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” Beau apologized as soon as he noticed the sadness on your face. He reached his hand over to your side and squeezed your thigh gently, just above the knee.

“No, it’s alright,” you brushed him off, swallowing your heartache down. “But hey, if Carla wasn’t your once-in-a-lifetime, maybe she’s still out there. You just haven’t found her yet. I mean, that’s kinda a nice outlook, right?”

Licking his lips, he bobbed his head, his gaze focused on his hand on the steering wheel. “I doubt it.”

“Why? Never say never,” you said encouragingly.

“Well, maybe I already met her, and it’s too late now,” he replied. It sounded more like an actual fact than a hypothetical theory. You found yourself wondering.

“What, did you have like an old college flame? The one that got away?” you teased lightheartedly, but he only grew more serious.

“Somethin’ like that,” he replied vaguely, rubbing his mouth with his fingers.

“Look her up on Facebook. Maybe she’s divorced, too. You could reconnect or something,” you suggested. He nodded but didn’t seem too convinced. You then shot him a hesitant glance from your periphery. “So, now that Carla’s moving on, are you gonna start dating now, too? Jump back into the game?”

“I guess so… Why?” A part of him was curious to hear your response, while another part reminded him that his desired answer was only wishful thinking – and completely insane on top of that.

“That fiery brunette lady at the bar last night seemed really interested in you. Maybe you should hook up with her if she’s there again tomorrow night?” you proposed in earnest.

Wide-eyed, Beau blinked at you in incredulity – like you had lost your goddamn mind. “I’m sorry, what?! Hook up? Who are you right now? Are you tryin’ to set me up?”

“Yeah.” You shrugged simply, not seeing what the big problem was. “Don’t look at me like I’m trying to convince you to get a tramp stamp above your ass with a dirty needle. I’m just trying to be a good wingman… woman. Randy would’ve tried to set you up, right?”

Beau sighed frustratedly. “Yeah, he would’ve,” he admitted in a grumble and then barked, slightly more furious, “But you ain’t him. And I don’t want you to be, so stop it, alright?”

“Geez, I’m sorry. I was just trying to help,” you mumbled defensively and raised your hands in surrender, unsuccessfully hiding your upset over his reaction. He felt guilty when he saw the small pout on your face.

Beau rubbed his forehead before dragging his palm over the rest of his face. “I know. I’m sorry, too,” he said and let out a deep breath through his nose. “I just-… I guess I’m just waiting, okay?”

“Waiting for what?”

Beau squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. For you to be ready, he wanted to say. But he couldn’t very well do that now, could he?

“For Christ’s sake, Y/N…” he breathed exhaustively. That was all he managed to say. With his palm on his mouth, he rested his elbow against the car door, gazing out the window.

“Why are you so upset?” you asked, your brow woven with confusion.

“Switch subjects,” he requested.

It was a phrase the two of you used whenever you didn’t want to talk about something anymore. When someone pushed too much, or the topic got too emotional and you needed a break. The only rule was to always respect the request, so you had no choice but to let it go after that.

“The Texans game sucked last night, huh?”

That elicited a snort from him, and he looked at you with a warm smile. “Yeah, goddamn awful.”

“How many times are you gonna watch those?”

Beau’s question broke your concentration. Your gaze snapped from your laptop screen to his concerned face. You’d been rewatching the victims’ videos for four days straight now, trying to find more clues. Maybe even something that directly led to Diane.

“I keep thinking maybe I’ve missed something,” you mumbled and stared back into the computer, your teeth gnawing on the pen between your lips. “It’s 48 hours each. We have twenty-four victims. I keep watching them sped-up to get through them all, but maybe I should slow ‘em down. I mean, I’ve watched them full-length, normal speed a couple of times before, but maybe I should watch ‘em even slower and really focus, you know? There’s gotta be something there…”

Bobbing his head worriedly, Beau pursed his lips and took a scan of your desk. He counted eight empty cups of coffee and five cans of energy drinks. There were bags under your red eyes and your hands were jittering. He knew you hadn’t slept a lot. He tried to hold you in his arms, but as soon as he dozed off, you snuck out and went back to work.

Beau shut the laptop. “You’re cut off.”

“Hey!”

“Y/N, you need to sleep. Just look at you, darlin’. This obsession isn’t healthy. I’m taking you home,” he declared sternly, ignoring your protests. You were pretty sure he had used his dad voice, too.

“Y/N, you need to sleep. Just look at you, darlin’. This obsession isn’t healthy. I’m taking you home,” he declared sternly, ignoring your protests. You were pretty sure he had used his dad voice, too.

“I need that woman in prison, Beau.”

“You startin’ to sound like Jenny…” Beau quipped under his breath.

“We’re running out of time. There’s only one day left before the next victim drops,” you stated and tried your best to keep your voice steady as it broke off towards the end.

“I know.” Beau clasped your shoulder and squeezed gently. “And we’ll get her. I promise you. But you’re no good to any of us if you’re exhausted and losing it right now.” You nodded and rose from your chair. He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you flush against him, kissing the top of your head affectionately. “How about some dinner, huh?”

You grinned warmly. “What, like a second date?”

“Exactly like a second date,” Beau said and mirrored your grin. He was making up for lost time as best as he could, even if it meant taking you out every night for the rest of your life.

Your phone buzzed on the table, your brow quirking at the number. Eagerly, you picked up and wound yourself out of Beau’s embrace. “Special Agent Y/L/N… Uh-huh… Great, thank you.”

Beau pursed his lips. “We’re not going out, are we?”

“‘fraid not, Sheriff.” You shook your head and chuckled at his groan. “That was IT. They’re finally done and sending over the IP addresses.”

“Alright, guess I’m gettin’ take out,” Beau announced with a small sigh, knowing the two of you were in for a long night – and not the one he had planned.

You smiled and pecked his lips. “Thank you.”

August 2020

Beau’s heart thudded frantically in his chest as his knuckles tapped your front door in the early evening. The sky was a color spectacle full of azures, indigos, and apricots as the summer sun slowly set. His boots only stood on that same spot not even twenty-four hours ago. It still felt like a surreal nightmare he couldn’t escape, his hope to wake up soon a ceaseless prayer.

He’d stayed with you all night, held you as you cried yourself to sleep. Beau awoke on your couch with your head resting on his thigh and a strange feeling in his gut. He couldn’t help but think you were beautiful, even in a state of utter turmoil, shoving said thought swiftly down into the depths of his darkening soul.

But he’d spent all day thinking of you, plagued by guilt and torn by misplaced feelings. He’d sat through hours of interviews, going over and over the events of last night till his mind spun like a hamster wheel. He was forced to fill out forms, sign documents, and recount each unforgettable step. He’d listened to lectures, sermons, and admonitions. His captain gave him a tongue-lashing that sounded like mere white noise before he was sent home with a suspension – investigation pending.

Only he didn’t go home; he came here.

At home, his wife and daughter were waiting – for a husband, a father, an explanation. None of which he could provide. Beau wanted to wallow in his grief, his guilt, his loss in peace. He lacked the strength to be strong, play pretend, and act above it all. He wanted to be punished, sent to perdition, and held accountable for his lapse of judgment. A suspension wasn’t good enough. It barely patched the abysmal gaps in his heart.

The only suitable punishment was you. Witnessing your suffering was his personally crafted hell. You were the broken remnants of his destruction, the shattered pieces of his idiocy, the explosive fallout of his arrogance.

And you hadn’t answered a single call or text of his. His torturous worry was part of his penalty.

Consecutive rings of the doorbell and incessant knocks remained unanswered. For a moment, Beau rested his forehead on the door. He felt helpless and clueless all the same. You had friends and family to take care of you, probably better suited and closer to you than him, but somehow he felt burdened with the responsibility.

He took the spare key out of the left-side planter and barged inside. The ground floor was deserted. Last night’s uneaten dinner still sat untouched on the table. It felt like a whiplash against his bare back.

Bolting upstairs, he found the door to the main bedroom ajar. He pried it open slowly, the sight of you delivering his second lashing. This time, he felt the sting burning through to his heart.

He found you curled up in bed, on your husband’s side, in your husband’s t-shirt, with your wedding photo album clutched tightly in your arms. His breath halted for a moment; his heart did, too.

Did he do this? Was this all his fault?

“Y/N?” His deep voice was quiet and careful as he spoke. Slowly, he walked over to your side and knelt down in front of you. “Darlin’, hey… You need to get up. Eat somethin’.”

Beau was sure you hadn’t moved all day. He didn’t ask you if you were alright or how you were doing. The question seemed insulting. The answer was obvious. Your phone was lighting up on the nightstand with a million unanswered calls and messages, his own among them. Your beautiful eyes were vacant, red, and empty. You didn’t cry, however, not anymore. You were dehydrated and all out of tears at this point. You never looked at him, not even a glance.

“I want him back,” you whispered, your voice coarse from screaming, crying, cursing.

Beau nodded, licking his lips. Caringly, he caressed your head, brushing a few strands of messy hair out of your face. “I know. I hope you know I’d trade places with him in a heartbeat if I could.”

For the first time your eyes found his. Your gaze was scathing and piercing. “Tell me what happened.”

Beau let out a harrowing sigh. He had rehashed the story all day long. He wasn’t sure if he could do it again, but maybe this version was the most important one. Who deserved the truth more than you?

“Y/N, I don’t think this is such a good idea, darlin’,” Beau tried to reason, mostly for himself. He wanted to hold on a little longer, the idea of you hating him tearing him apart. He wanted to spare himself the additional guilt, the anger, the hurt.

“Tell me or leave.”

Beau closed his eyes and nodded hesitantly. “Okay, alright.” He took a deep breath and settled down on the floor, leaning his back against the wooden bedside table. “We were closing in on that biker gang. Few murders, arms trafficking, drug deals… You know the drill. I’m sure Ra-… he filled you in.”

Not that long ago, Randy had asked you for advise on the case. You gave him your contacts in the DEA and a number to a CI.

“Your DEA guy warned us. Said the gang was working closely with the cartel down in Juárez. But I had my own intel that only a few members were meeting at the Hatcher warehouse in MacGregor. It was supposed to be a small deal. But I figured it could lead to bigger things if we shook ‘em down, you know? But fuckin’ Harper told us no like usual. Refused to give us back-up. Said to pass the case on to the DEA. But Randy and I worked our asses off the last few months to get even this far. We were so close. I didn’t wanna let go… So, I suggested we go in anyways. It was supposed to be only three guys from the gang. I knew if we were smart about it, we could easily take ‘em down, you know?”

You rolled onto your back and propped yourself up on the bed. Shaking your head, you chuckled humorlessly and grabbed the half-empty whiskey bottle from the nightstand. “‘Course you did. It’s not the first time you broke a rule or shit on authority.”

“Yeah, and I was right every single time,” Beau bit. His anger wasn’t geared at you but at himself. He knew he was in the wrong. He flew too close to the sun and got burned. But he still felt the need to defend himself, even if it was unjustified.

His gaze drifted to the dresser and the patch of wall above it, decorated with photographic evidence of yours and his partner’s life together. The wedding, dates, vacations, holidays – it was all there. Beau had watched it all, start to finish. He wished he could rewind the tape and cut off the ending, all so you could have the love of your life back. He didn’t know yet your cassette had a B-side. One that featured him.

“You got fucking lucky, is all,” you scoffed.

“Randy backed me up on it!”

“Of course he did! You’re his fucking partner! He would’ve followed you anywhere if you asked him to,” you snapped, shaking your head. You gulped down some whiskey then and locked your jaw before you met his eyes again with a glare. “And? What happened then, Beau? Was it only three guys?”

“No.” The word was almost inaudible. He shook his head with a harsh swallow. “They were meetin’ with a few cartel members there. My intel never said anything about that. When we were inside and saw what was really going on, it was already too late to get out. They made us, bullets started flyin’… They got a hold of Randy and… shot him.” A tear escaped down his cheek, his throat closing as he tried to choke out the last bit of the story. “I had to leave him there. I barely got out myself. I’m sorry, Y/N. I know this is on me.”

Your lips twitched with a bitter smile. You didn’t look at him, just rubbed your tired eyes. “Damn right it is. Get out.”

“Y/N, please–”

The storm in your eyes made him stop as you met his gaze, his useless apologies becoming stuck in his throat. “I said, get out. I ain’t asking a third time. You’re the reason my husband is dead. You’re the reason I don’t even have a body to bury. So, get the fuck out.” Like a snakebite, your words were targeted, sharp, and venomous.

You finally got out of bed and prodded towards the en-suite bathroom. The truth had been what you needed to switch the fighter inside of you back on. You knew what you wanted to do then and were determined to get it.

“Y/N–”

“Do you know what cartels do to bodies, Beau? To rivals? To law enforcement? ‘Cause I just came back from a job where we found forty-eight decapitated bodies, left to rot inside the walls of a house. Still haven’t found the heads yet. Probably never will,” you told him and stared him dead into his dark green eyes. “Ever seen that before, desperado?”

Beau bit his lips, averting his gaze. “No.”

“Yeah, didn’t think so.” You scoffed and crossed your arms over your chest. “Now, leave. Please. Get the fuck outta my house. I don’t wanna see you anymore,” you spat and slammed the bathroom door shut behind you.

Beau then grabbed the whiskey bottle you’d left and walked out of your home. It was the first of many nights he started to drink himself to sleep, but at least it kept the nightmares temporarily at bay.

“Theodore.” Beau forced a bright smile onto his freckle-dusted face, although the stiff features could barely fool anyone. At least, they wouldn’t have fooled you.

“Beau, good to see you again.” Ted smiled and did a more convincing job of it as he waltzed into Lewis and Clark County’s Sheriff’s Department. It almost seemed like he meant it. “I was surprised when Y/N told me you got a gig as a sheriff here.”

Translation: I was surprised because you were such a fuck-up back in Texas.

Beau feigned a chuckle. “Yeah, I bet you were.”

“Hopefully, you’re givin’ the DAs here less headaches,” Ted jabbed under the disguise of friendly banter. He then turned to Jenny with that same shit-eating grin. “Your sheriff is a little troublemaker.”

Sweet Lord, Beau wanted to whack the bastard.

The blonde deputy coolly brushed the accusation off. She shrugged and playfully nudged Beau’s arm, sending the Texan attorney a smile. “I prefer him that way.”

“Hey, there she is!” Beau smiled with frazzled relief when you finally hurried into the station. A little while longer, and he definitely would’ve thrown a punch.

“Hey, Ted. Thanks for coming. How was your flight?” You greeted him with a warm smile and a quick hug.

“Good, good. Never been to Montana before,” Ted said and then let his eyes wander up and down your body. “Look at you. You look great!”

“Oh, uh, thanks.” You subtly cleared your throat. You could physically feel Beau stiffen next to you. In your periphery, you could spy a tightly clenched jaw and a few strained muscles in his neck.

“Mind if Y/N and I borrow your office, Sheriff Arlen?” Ted asked and emphasized his title. “Considering the nature of this case, I’d like to keep it as private as possible. Don’t want anything to reach Ms. Newton’s ears.”

Your hunch had been right. Several IP addresses pointed to Diane, some to public Wi-Fi’s. You and the team still needed to connect her to the other states and find out where she’d been staying there, but you could definitely trace some posts in recent weeks to her home in Montana. It was enough for an arrest warrant, but you still needed more evidence.

Additionally, it had all come together a little too easily. It seemed like a giant trap you were walking into. Diane wanted to be caught. But why?

“Why don’t I just join you? I’m sure Y/N here doesn’t mind,” Beau suggested with a tight smile and then snaked his arm around your middle, pulling you closer. “Ain’t that right, darlin’?”

Internally, you sighed a little at his obvious territorial pissing, but you were willing to throw him a bone. You stretched up and claimed his plump lips in a fervent kiss that Beau only all too happily reciprocated.

“Not at all, Sheriff. You know I always appreciate your input,” you replied with a dirty smirk at the double entendre.

As Beau looked down at you, he mouthed ‘God, I love you.’ You grinned in response.

“Happy to give it to you,” he said with another sweet peck of your lips. A triumphant and slightly cocky grin graced his lips as he looked back at Ted.

“Oh, so you two are back together?” Ted realized, his brow rising to his hairline. He’d never seen you two together but certainly had heard the whispers down in Mexico from your old task force. He’d been the DA for those cases as well. You’d never explicitly told him about you and Beau, though, even when he had tried to pry a little on those dates you went on.

“Well, I’m a hard one to quit,” Beau quipped almost proudly, like a peacock showing off his fan of feathers.

“As are cigarettes and many other vices,” Ted shot back with the same stupidly proud grin.

Translation: You’re an ass. And a failure. She deserves so much better. I’m ‘better.’ But maybe that didn't need a translation.

Beau should’ve known it was hard to out-argue a lawyer and ground his jaw. After all, he’d been married to one for many years.

You, on the other hand, shared a wide-eyed and baffled look with Jenny that bordered on amusement. You had almost gasped in shock. You hadn’t expected such a fiery reply, sure the men would stick to their Southern manners. But, oh well, everyone’s packing in fucking Texas…

“Why don’t you two go ahead? I’ll join you in a minute,” you ordered more than you earnestly proposed and shooed the two men down the hallway towards Beau’s office.

“Sure it’s such a good idea to lock those two in a room alone?” Jenny teased, her eyes lingering a little too long on Ted’s perfectly formed ass as he sauntered down the hall.

You couldn’t blame her. You had checked out Beau’s in the same breath.

“It’s only for a short time. They’re not gonna kill each other,” you laughed it off. Jenny arched a doubtful eyebrow at you. “That quickly,” you added a correction. “So, what did I miss here?” you asked and nodded towards the two men, closing the door to Beau’s office behind them. All you heard last was them talking about the recent Texans game.

Ugh, of course, they’d end up by football…

“Dick measuring contest,” Jenny supplied wryly.

“Ah, figured…”

“Well, better them than to lock Agent Y/L/N and the sheriff into the same room,” Poppernak joked with a soft chuckle as he appeared next to you and Jenny, chiming into the conversation.

You gaped at him in mock-shock. “Mo! I can’t believe you just said that,” you chided playfully.

His cheeks turned crimson red. “I’m sorry, Special Agent Y/L/N,” he apologized in a fluster.

“Mo, I told you to call me by my first name,” you reminded him with a smile. “Or I’m gonna have to start giving you silly names like Beau does.”

“Oh, I love Sheriff Arlen’s nicknames,” he quickly defended with a nervous laugh.

“Do you?” Jenny tilted her head with a questioning eyebrow.

He shrugged. “They’re clever.”

August 2020

“Old Fashioned,” you ordered with a look at the bartender, feeling Beau’s confused eyes and crinkled brow wander up to you. “Couldn’t have picked a nicer bar, huh? This place is a dump. You know that, right?”

Beau clicked his tongue and took a sip from his Ranch Water. “What are you doing here? Thought you never wanted to see me again.”

You let out a small sigh but didn’t meet his gaze. “Carla called me. Your family is worried about you.”

“I didn’t tell her where I was. How did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t. Carla said you haven’t been home in three days. Figured you’d gone on a bender. This is the fifth cop bar I checked out. Finally got lucky,” you said and thanked the bartender as he placed his drink in front of you. You settled down on a barstool next to Beau.

“Quite the effort. Sure I’m worth it?”

Your tongue swept over your lips. “Beau, look at me.” His forest-green eyes found yours upon your soft plea. “I’m sorry I put all that shit on you. It wasn’t fair. It’s not your fault, okay? His death isn’t on you. I know you loved him like a brother.”

“I did.” Beau took another sip of his drink. “But it is my fault. I was reckless and arrogant. We both know it.”

“It was a set-up, alright? I talked to my DEA contact. Cody said your intel was wrong. They knew you and Randy were closing in on them. They wanted to get rid of you,” you explained.

Beau smacked his lips. “I still shoulda known better. I should’ve seen it was a trap.”

“Maybe,” you admitted. You couldn’t say you would’ve done the same thing, but you knew Beau would’ve never purposely put Randy in danger if he had even the faintest idea. “But it could’ve happened to anybody. This was bigger than you knew.”

“It wouldn’t have happened to you,” he stated quietly. You couldn’t argue with that. You were more by-the-book than he was. You would’ve never gone against a superior’s order. You would’ve respected it.

“Look, just go home. Talk to your wife. Get some help,” you said. “You missed your suspension hearing, but I spoke on your behalf. Told them it wasn’t your fault. The DEA backed me. Harper’s gonna reinstate you. Just come back as soon as you’re ready.”

Beau nodded slowly. Even if he didn’t say it, you could tell he was thankful for your efforts. “I can’t go home.”

Your brow furrowed. “Why? I’m sure Carla will understand. You need to talk to someone about this. Go to therapy – and not the alcoholic kind. Losing a partner is not something you get over quickly. You need people in your corner, including your wife.”

“You mean the wife that lets criminals out on the street?” Beau’s gaze was focused on the glass in his hands. The wrinkles on your brow deepened. “The guy that shot him… Carla’s his defense attorney. Was, at least. He was supposed to do time, but two months ago, she got him paroled.” With a dark chuckle, he emptied his glass.

“Beau…” You knew he had always struggled with Carla’s job, making you sometimes wonder about their dinner conversations at home. “It ain’t her fault more than it is yours. She’s just doing her job. You know that. You’ve been together for so long, you’d think you’re used to it by now.”

Beau scoffed a chuckle and gestured to the bartender for a refill. “I was a young cop back then. Wasn’t on the job as long. I didn’t know it would bother me so much. Still lived in that hopeful bubble, I guess.”

You smiled knowingly. “You mean the ‘I didn’t think I’d see as much shit and injustice as I do now’ bubble?”

He snickered softly. “Yep, that one. Just didn’t think it’d be this hard, you know?”

“I get it. I mean, me and Carla butt heads all the time over this stuff. But we do it in a competitive fun way and then get drunk,” you said with a light chuckle. “Guess it’s different when you’re married, though, huh?”

“Yeah, it is…” he sighed.

“Still, go home. Talk to her,” you encouraged but could see your words of wisdom fell on deaf ears. “By the way, the funeral’s on Saturday.”

He turned his gaze away from his glass and found your eyes. “You need any help with that?”

“Maybe you can give a eulogy. You knew him best. I think he would’ve really liked that,” you said with a warm smile. No matter your own feelings, you knew deep down Randy would’ve wanted you to forgive his partner.

“Yeah, I can do that. Anything you need, okay?” Beau clasped your hand that laid on the bar counter and squeezed reassuringly before dropping it again.

You smiled appreciatively and teased, “Maybe show up sober. Or at least close-to.”

Beau chuckled a little. “I promise.”

You stood up from your seat then and put some cash for your drink on the counter. “Alright, I’m heading home. You need me to call you a cab?”

“Nah, I’m good. I’m just gonna finish this drink, then I’ll head out, too,” he said.

“You sure? Don’t make me come back here,” you threatened playfully.

Beau laughed softly. “I won’t. Thanks for everything, Y/N. I mean it.”

You sent him a smile and gave his shoulder a squeeze on your way out. “You’re welcome. Get home safe, okay?”

However, Beau couldn’t keep any of his promises. He made it home after three more drinks and woke up on the front lawn of his house. Carla wasn’t happy when she found him in the morning as she brought Emily to school. But Beau couldn’t stop. Every time he closed his eyes, the tragic events flashed before him like a horror movie, witnessing Randy’s death in a never-ending loop. He kept seeing his partner get dragged away, heard the shot over and over again like a rain of bullets without a ceasefire.

The guilt was eating him alive. The guilt of getting his partner into this mess in the first place. Of leaving him behind. Of surviving and coming out alive when he didn’t deserve to.

So, Beau kept drinking to forget, even though he knew it was a futile endeavor. The memory would never fade, but at least it was blurred.

Your heavy breaths echoed through the small trailer. His mouth moved down the column of your throat, leaving a wet path of ravenous love bites in its wake.

“Fuck, baby,” you moaned wantonly, his grip on your flesh punishing as he kept you pressed flush against him while he devoured you on the little dining table. Your ass sat on the wooden surface, your crossed ankles locked tightly behind his muscular back.

“God, you made me so happy today,” he growled against the shell of your ear, his rising length rubbing against your core through layers of denim.

“I can see that.” You giggled, your hands dangling in his hair. “There’s no need to hate him so much, you know?”

“Says you,” Beau quipped and unzipped your jeans, eagerly pulling them off you as his mouth sucked your clavicle purple and blue. “That slimy coyote always had it out for me.”

Beau removed your panties as well, tossing them behind his shoulder where they landed in the kitchen sink. “Whoops.” He grinned charmingly but was unstoppable, freeing his throbbing dick as he shoved his jeans and boxers barely over his ass. He didn’t bother to slip out of them all the way, too impatient to wait any longer to enter you.

“Still, I’m already yours. I’ve always been yours,” you said and braced yourself on his broad shoulders as one large hand on your back pulled you closer to the edge of the table. His other hand grabbed his cock, twisting his fist along the hard, long shaft a few times before he glided his cockhead through your slick folds.

“Not always.” With one harsh thrust, he pushed inside you, your tight walls fighting to make room for him and adjust to his stretch.

You gasped at the pleasurable burn that coursed through your body and ignited every sizzling nerve. He dropped his head to your shoulder, giving both of you some time to get used to each other. You could tell you were in for a wilder ride tonight. You always loved when he fucked you rough and hard. There was something raw and animalistic about the need in his hypnotizing green eyes.

Beau then claimed your lips with one fervent kiss, enough of a spark to cause a wildfire. He met your gaze, hands gingerly cupping your cheeks. “But I love that you’re mine now. And I’m sure as hell gonna make you mine tonight, darlin’.”

You crashed your lips against his, your kisses frenzied and untamed as his hips began to slam into you. His pounds into your pussy were relentless as you swallowed every inch of him. You gripped him tight, already feeling your first orgasm bloom. It accumulated like dark, violent storm clouds on the horizon, forecasting roaring thunder and heavy rainfall.

“Oh God! Fuck, baby!” You screamed as your climax tore through you like a hurricane, your cunt gushing on his cock and pulsing around him. Your nails dug into his shoulder blades and scratched down his back as you came undone.

Beau groaned into your ear, squeezing his eyes shut as he barely held on himself. But he didn’t let up and kept up his furious pace, not ready to stop yet. “Shit, keep doing that. You’re so fucking tight, Y/N,” he grunted against your skin, your sensitive flesh barely withstanding his ruthless pumps. “Want you to come again, darlin’.”

With his declaration, his hand slipped between your sweat-clad bodies. You came close to losing your mind as he thumbed furiously at your clit, the stars already starting to twinkle in front of your eyes. You could feel yourself get shoved to the edge once more, staring down the steep cliffs of white-hot ecstasy.

Your mind was consumed by need, his grip on your hips bruising as you exploded. You cried out raucously, your whole body quaking in his hold upon your eruption, the aftershocks so powerful they could cause cracks in your bones.

Beau spilled his seed deep inside of you, his body stuttering in rhythm with yours as your earthquake took him down with you. Hazy gazes met each other with lazy smiles as ragged breaths mingled.

“Fuck, that was good. I think that one might make it into our Top Ten.” Beau chuckled gravelly and placed a gentle kiss on your temple.

“Hmm, not sure. We have a few greatest hits.” You giggled and bit down on your lower lip with a mischievous twinkle in your eyes. “Can I tell you something?”

Beau cupped your cheeks, thumbs caressing the heated and rosy skin as he lifted your gaze. “Anything.”

“Just between us, you’re the best lover I ever had,” you confessed with a wide grin. The corners of his mouth rose to match yours.

“Well, between us, I’ve never loved anyone like I love you. You’re it, darlin’. You know that, right? You’re the love of my life,” Beau revealed, making you smile brighter than you ever had before.

“I’m not sure about the sex, but this moment, right here, is probably gonna make it into the Top Ten,” you said softly as a few tears stung your eyes.

“Good.” Beau smiled and pecked your forehead.

The buzzing of a phone shifted your attention. You recognized it as yours, and Beau was quick to retrieve it from your jeans pocket in the pile of clothes on the floor.

“It’s Jenny,” you told him before picking up. “Hello… What?! Uh-huh, we’ll be right there.”

Beau’s brow furrowed as he watched your features flicker through an array of emotions. “Bad news?”

“Uhm, honestly, I don’t know,” you said and swallowed some of your confusion down, gathering your thoughts. “Jenny said Diane just walked into the station and gave herself up. She is ready to confess but only wants to talk to us.”

“Us? As in us two?” Beau’s eyes narrowed. You nodded. “Well, that doesn’t sound fishy at all,” he commented wryly.

“Yup, I don’t like it.”

Chapter 8: Chemical Bonds – JUNE 26

A lot of revelations and foreboding in this one... 👀 Also, I just love having Beau say the word "coyotes" for some reason 😂

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[scar-lie]

Crazy Love Pt. 3 Ver. 1 {Natasha}

Summary : Natasha finally have the love of her life

Pairing : Natasha Romanoff x Fem ! Reader

Warning : Nightmare, sad/depress Natasha, happy ending, death

Word count : 7,657

Crazy Love Pt. 1

Crazy Love Pt. 2

Crazy Love Pt. 3 Ver. 2

Cherrylemontober

It's been half and a month since they found her dead in her house, a whole half and  a month didn't do well for the team

After your funeral Tony, buried his himself in the lab and drink alcohol, the only thing he can get out in the office is when he needs to go back to his and Pepper bedroom, and Pepper sometimes try to at least get some fresh air with him, but Pepper is having a hard time moving on, in your tragic death but she stay strong not just for herself and Tony but for the other Avengers too

 Bruce always outside in the middle of the forest so if he turn into Hulk, he will hurt no one, plus the forest reminds him of you, you loved animals, well except spiders and you loved the fresh air and water in the forest

Bucky go back to Wakanda, he can't bare to stay in the compound even a day after your funeral, the compound just reminded him of you, whatever she look in any parts of the compound, so he go back to Wakanda 

Sam burying himself by running over and over again, then he will go to you both favorite coffee shop, sitting in your spot and ordering your favorite coffee or tea, even if he didn't like the taste of it, he still drinking it

Clint, he always with his family cause this reminds him of you, specially with Nathaniel, you always play with him and he always in your arms, you spend most of your time with Nathaniel is because you always teasing Nat that it's Nathaniel, not Natasha and you don't have to get up and play with a toddlers, you will just sit and have him in your arm but you love Clints kids so much

Thor, he's in Asgard, once they found you, Thor quickly go back in Asgard and just comeback to your funeral to say goodbye for the last time and go back to Asgard, remembering how you're so amaze when you first go in the Asgard, well Thor didn't get tired seeing you like that every time you visit Asgard, you never get over how beautiful Asgard is

Rhody, He spend his time in the military and constantly checking the Avengers, specially Tony, cause he knows that he's over working and drinking a lot, he manage to visit you tho, yesterday when he got the chance, it hurts him but he's slowly learning to accept the bitter truth 

Vision, well he's still Vision but he got more quiet and stay by Wanda's side all the time, comforting her and reassuring her 

Wanda, she spend most of her time in her room, crying, mourning of your death, she still cooking but not as delicious as before, considering that all she feels is sorrow, there's no joy in her body so the foods she's making, making it a little bitter, plus it remind her too the times when you two cooking

Steve, he's been uneasy, sure he's mourning in your death but he can't lour himself of your death, knowing that saving people doesn't have a break and he stay strong for Nat, even if it's breaking him, he still reminds strong 

And Natasha, to all of them, Natasha is the one who have a most impact to all of them, she move out of Steve bedroom and go back to hers which is besides your bedroom and she’s isolate herself in her bedroom, she didn't dare to take a step out of her room since after your funeral

She only eat 1 times a day but mostly she didn’t eat anything, and she mostly eat is junk foods, every day and night she cry herself to sleep, blaming herself and feeling guilty that she didn't saved you, she didn't protect you while you always protecting and saving her no matter what the circumstances 

She just lay in her bed spending all day and night there, she just stand up when she needs to go to the bathroom and take the food the Steve leaving in her door, her life is fall apart, for her there's no point of living when half of her already dead, when the one person, the only reason she keeps fighting, having hopes, making her happy and guiding her in a right direction are already gone

But she can't bring herself to kill herself, cause she knows you will never want it and she don't want to waste your effort, the sweat, and blood you lost just to make sure she's safe, protected and alive

Her world turned to dark grey with storm, she's losing hope now, the only think it makes her to go on in life is The Avengers, Yelena, Melina and Alexie, she can't just disappear knowing you just leave them all

And now here she is again, crying in her bed with the pillow you always used when you spend time with her in her room, you always in her room tho, and she's laying in your side of her bed when you will sleep in her room

"I miss you" she mumbled burying her face in the pillow, smelling your scent that left in the pillow that is now slowly fading, until she fall asleep again, remembering the worst day of her life

She wake up with a smile on her face, she just had a dreamed of you last night, a good one that she thinks it was real

-THE DREAM

Natasha wake up with the sounds of birds chirping and the sound of water running and falling, she open her eyes and cover the sun that was hitting in her eyes

Natasha frown when she wake up in a different room, it was all wood, the chairs with a pillow, book shelf, night stand, the bed and it's look like a rooms in one of the resort in the forest but this is more comfortable and more relaxing

Then she frown more when she see a beautiful Paradise outside the window, there's a waterfalls, tress, flowers, and fruits are around her, animals scattered doing there own business and having fun, the sun was hitting the water that makes it sparkle, big or small rocks form into a beautiful places and the cold and fresh air hitting her whole body

"Where am I?" Natasha mumbled to herself and stand up, and start to go out

She looks around, scanning the place while taking a step forward, mesmerized at how beautiful the place is. She found herself in peace and for once in a half of the month she feels safe, protected, relaxed, free and happy? she feel a little bit happy

Natasha take a deep breath with close eyes, this is the first she felt this, since Y/N change to a crazy person and it felt forever for her, she missed this feeling, like she's in your arms and nothing matters only you and your comfort that matters to her

But that stop instantly, getting alert and ready to kill someone when she heard someone humming a song, it was a relaxing one but she could never trust it even if it's relaxing her

She look around and grab a branch with a sharp edge, then she start to look for the person who held a beautiful humming voice, she's stepping in the ground carefully, making sure she will not gonna make any noise

Until she come close to the waterfalls and she see a girl who have a Y/H/C hair with a basket with some fruits and the animals surrounded her, the girl is sitting in a plain white blanket besides her is her basket and she's wearing a beautiful white dress with some details, she also have a white handkerchief tied in her head that compliment her wavy Y/H/C hair then she have a white flower resting in her lap

(The outfit but no sandals)

(Like this, I can't find a good one with the front showing so we will stick to this one)

(The hair, white handkerchief and the flowers)

-NATASHA

I frown at it, then the girl started to laugh with the animals around her, she's like talking to them but as soon as I recognized the laugh I froze on my spot that the branch I was holding is back in the ground again

Then she look on her left side to look at the squirrel and I see her half smile face, and it's her, Y/N, my heart beats faster, my knees are getting weak but I still manage to stand still, and my eyes are getting watery

I can't believe of what am I seeing, Y/N is in front of me, just a few steps from me and she's happy, have a sweet cheeky smile on her face, my Y/N who's like a child for the small things she loves

I missed this, her smile, her face, her eyes that sparkle with so much joy, her cheek specially when she's blushing in my remarks and small things, and.....and-gosh I just missed her so much 

"Natty?" I bring out of my trance when I heard her voice again and my eyes snap at her beautiful Y/E/C ones that held so much passion and joy and she stand up and starting to walk towards me with her basket

"Finally you're awake, sorry I wasn't there when you wake up, I just get us some frui-" she stop when she got closer to me and notice the tears slip out of my eyes that I didn't know

"Are you crying?" then she cup my face and her thumb brush over my cheeks, wiping my tears

"Why are you crying my Natty?" then she pout with eyebrows connected to each other

But this just bring me to more tears, this is real I can feel her, her hand, the warm of her hands, I can hear her, and she's here in front of me, I missed this so much

All I can do is sob, bringing her in a tight hug, I hug her as tight as I can, afraid she will leave me again, and I don't want that to happen, now that she's in my arms again

"You're here, you're here, this is true you're here........oh my god!" I sob, burying my face in her neck and cry there, while her hands goes to my back and head

Her hands running up and down in my head and back calming me down while she keeps kissing my head and reassure me that she's here with me, in my arms

"Shh..... Natty stop crying, your gonna make me cry too" she whisper and I push my head off of her just to look at her gorgeous face

I chuckled when I see her puppy eyes, frown lips and eyebrows like she's nearly crying, I wipe my tears while chuckling and kiss her cheeks that makes her blush, that I missed and love the most

“I’ll stop crying” I whisper and sniff, look at the side and wipe my tears and look at her again with a smile on my face, one that reach on my eyes and full of joy 

“There’s my favorite smile” Y/N said with a smile and a blush on her face

This is the only chance to have a full view of her, what she’s wearing and how beautiful she is, I sigh and look down to her while stepping one backward to look at her from head to toe

She get what I’m doing, so she give me a spin for me to have a better look on her and she look magnificent and this makes me in tears again, so I bite my lower lips to prevent my sobs and to try not to fall down my tears

She’s wearing this beautiful white dress with a details and the handkerchief in her head that I give to her, this is the last gift I give to her, I love spoiling her with gift and this, this dress is the last gift I give to her

And this is the first time I see her wear this, well she didn’t wear this since I give it to her since I’m so busy going out with Steve, having date nights and just spending time with him

This is the dress I want to see her wear cause i know she will look magnificent, I remember when I was out with Steve and we come across to a shop and see this beautiful dress, I quickly pull Steve inside the shop and I buy this for Y/N and I don’t care if Steve teasing me of how so soft I am to Y/N

Even if he’s my boyfriend, I still build some boundaries and a little walls but with Y/n I let all my guard and walls down and be vulnerable in front of her

“So how do I look?” she asked, bringing me out of my trace and I smile at her then a single tears slip out of my eyes so I quickly wipe it off

"Magnificent………..you look magnificent as always” I said softly then she lightly jump and squeal of happiness, I chuckled at it then I noticed something

I frown at it, her feet is bare, she’s not wearing any slippers, shoes or anything to cover her foot from the dirt or possible spinlers in the ground and I don’t like the idea of it and seeing her bare foot in the ground it set something off of me 

“Here wear this” I said and give her my slippers and she stop jumping around and look at me down since I already in my knees waiting for her to wear my slippers with my help

I look up when she didn’t move her feet and I see her blushing more and she cover her face with her hands, i chuckled at it and stand up, taking her face off of her face that makes her whine

“You’re cute when you’re blushing” I tease and she slap my arms playfully with a groan, I chuckled at it and soon after she chuckled too

“But I love it” I add and kneel my one knee again and take her right foot and slip my slippers on it and I did to her left one too

After that I stand up, brushing the dust off of me knee, stand beside her, taking the basket on her hand and put my other free arm over her shoulders

“So, what did you get? And where have you been?” I asked her and we start to go inside the house again

“Fruits and other ingredients” she said ignoring my other question but i just shrug it off

Once we’re in the house she quickly pull me in the kitchen, making me sit in one of the stool and she go in front of the stove and put her apron on

“Just stay still there, I’m gonna make you the delicious breakfast you will ever taste” and she smirk with a wink and ‘tsk’ making me laugh a little

With that she start to cook but not before she put some music on, with that there’s a good ambiance and she’s starting to dance and sing with the song while cooking

I’m giggling and watching her doing her thing, this is the one I always admire to her, and I will never get tired of seeing this and I will do anything to see this again and to see her

After she cook we eat in a delicious breakfast and full of laughter and now here we are in the fall

“Natty come on” Y/N shout and pull me closer until my feet is in the water

I look in my front and I see the fall sparkling and making a calming sounds, this place is beautiful and when I look at Y/N she’s already in her bra and underwear, putting her clothes where they will never get wet

“Come on, Natty, you stings so…let’s swim” she then whisk a water in my face

I heard her giggle while I wipe my face and then she splash a water in my face then splash a water on me wetting my shirt and shorts, I gasped at it but she laugh and swim away from me

“Oh you wanna play that game, you better be ready!” I shout stripping and leaving me in my underwear and bra, I throw my clothes beside her and swim where she was

When I was near at her she go down so I stop and look around, getting more aware in my surroundings but then I got pull down making me yelp

When I open my eyes under the water I see Y/N smiling and she go up so I follow her, I gasped for air when my head is finally out of the water and I heard an angelic giggle and laugh that was coming out of Y/N mouth

I look at her and giggle at how she act so I splash a water to her, making her stop

“I’ll get you back” I threaten and she just shrug and swim away from me

“See if you can catch me!” she shout

This goes on for a few minutes, just us playing around the fall until I finally catch her and hold her waist

“Gotcha” I whisper making her startle and I start to tickle her making both of us sink down

After that we go back in the ground and sit in the rock and she start to hum a song again, one by one the animals starting to surround us, the squirrel even so to her lap, looking up at her, I smile at it and close my eyes and relax at her beautiful humming voice

————————————————————————————

-NO ONE’S POV

When Nat open her eyes again, she’s back in her room in the compound again, once she recognize her ceiling she quickly shot up and look around, looking for you, she got panic when she see you nowhere

“Natty are you ok?” Natasha heard a soft voice that she loves the most and she quickly snap her head where the voice is and she see you at the door the only person she wants

“Oh my god, I thought you leave me again” Natasha quickly jump out of her bed and run to the girl she loves and missed the most, Y/N

Then she quickly put you in a tight hug, afraid you will disappear if she didn’t held you enough, and she don’t want that to happen and go back to her routine which is bed and crying til she fall asleep

“Please, promise me you’re not gonna leave me again …….. You will stay, right?” natasha asked with tears streaming down her face

She stare straight through the Y/H/C head woman eyes in front f her white she cup her face, her eyes are begging for Y/N to said yes

“I’m not leaving you silly, plus I’m always right there…….” then she poke natasha’s heart with a smile

“In your heart” then she look up to Natasha with her bright smile

For Natasha that was an enough answer as long as she know Y/N will never leave her again, that all matters to her, to have Y/n back in her arms again

And this time she promises and make her mission to protect and save Y/n in any situation and any harm, she will do everything for her to make Y/n stay

“Thank you” Natasha whisper and kissed Y/N’s forehead

Then Natasha pull Y/n in her bed making Y/N to sit in her bed, then she put the covers in y/n’s lap, grab the remote, getting in the bed too behind Y/N

Now Y/N is between her legs and she pull her to lean her back in her front, then she quickly wrapped her arms in Y/N’s waist and open the TV

“What movie?” Natasha asked going to the Netflix

“You choose” Y/N whisper getting comfortable

Natasha smile at it and put Y/N’s favorite romance movie, even if she don’t like it, she still watch it cause Y/N loves it and by the time being, she learn to like the romance movies too

With that they watch in silence, just savoring this moment, the moment that Natasha have been craving for, and missed, she then rub her thumb in Y/N’s stomach, knowing this makes the Y/H/C head girl relax

Until half in the movie, natasha’s hand goes to Y/N’s hair and start to comb it, then she reach to the drawer of her nightstand and get out an elastic and comb

Then she start to comb Y/N’s hair that makes the Y/H/C girl hum in satisfaction

After Natasha comb her hair, she start to section Y/N’s hair into two to make a double french braid

“Stay still, потница” Natasha mumbled and y/N just nod, letting Natasha braid her hair with a humming song of a Russian song that Y/N loves

“And done” Natasha whisper after she finished and she give Y/N a mirror, but she didn’t take it and look at Natasha with a smile

“I don’t need a mirror, I know I look good whenever you do my hair” Y/N said with a cheeky smile and Natasha hug her

“You always look good even in your morning hair, you’re gorgeous потница” She whisper and Y/n giggle at it until Y/N stomach grumbled making the red head look down on her stomach and Y/N look away while whistling

“You’re hungry” Natasha tease and Y/n just whine

She get out of bed and pull Natasha with her, then they both slip their slippers on and then Y/n’s stomach grumbled again and this makes Y/N whine but Natasha chuckled to it

“Come on, let’s eat breakfast, I’m starving” Y/N said with her cheeky smile and Natasha chuckled at it

Y/N always hungry so Natasha always making foods, only the one she knows to cook, like fried foods, toast bread and of course her favorite, peanut butter sandwich that Y/L loves too, and if y/n get tired of her fried foods, they will go out to buy foods

“Come on, I’ll make you a breakfast” And Nat hold her hand and they go out of her room down to the kitchen, but they just take a few steps Y/N whine

“What?” Natasha asked worried

“Don’t be mad but…..” Y/N bite her lower lips

“I’m not gonna get mad, what is it?” Natasha clearly concern and worried for the woman in front of her

“I’m just….uhm my stomach don’t want some fried foods of yours” Y/N mumbled looking down in her slippers, which is natasha slippers you stole from her 2 years ago, this makes Natasha chuckled and make you look up at her

“Don’t worry, I’ll cook other food, and I know you’re not sick but I know how to cook soup, you want that? And maybe I can make both of us a peanut butter sandwich?” Natasha said egear to cook for her favorite girl and person in this world,

This makes Y/N squeal from happiness, whatever Natasha learn something new from cooking she always gets so excited to taste it, knowing Natasha will allow only you to taste it first, and Natasha loves to learn new recipe for you to eat

“Yes, yes yes yes…..now come on, I want to taste that soup of yours” Y/n quickly drag Natasha to the kitchen and this makes Natasha chuckled

Once they got in the kitchen Natasha quickly but gently pick Y/N up and rest her in the counter beside the stove and Natasha quickly get all the ingredients she needs

Natasha can't let to take the risk of you getting out of her sight, she can't take the risk cor you to just fade away when she take her eyes off of you

“Mmmhh it smells good, I can’t wait to taste it” you said rubbing your hands together and swinging your feet, this makes Natasha smile

“Just wait…” she smile at you so you both go on in a good conversation, like you always used too while she’s cooking the breakfast

She set things up and go back to you and pick you up again and place you down in the bar stool and sit across to you

“Mmmhh yummy” you said eager to taste the food she cook for you, Natasha smile

“Go on taste it” you smile widely and take a spoonful of the soup

You will eat it without blowing it so Natasha quickly stop you, cause she knows you will burn yourself if you just take that spoonful of a newly cooked soup

“Woah, woah woah slow down, blow it first, it’s still hot, you will burn yourself” Then Natasha lean in and began blowing the soup in the spoon while you giggle in embarrassment

“Sorry” you mumbled and bite you lips

After Natasha blow it and make sure it’s not that hot she lean back with a smile looking at you with loving eyes

“Nothing to be sorry, Y/N/N, there you can eat it” your eyes lit up and you quickly take the spoon in your mouth

“Mmhhh” you hum with close eyes and slum back down in your seat, savoring the delicious soup

“Yummy” you said when you the soup is already down in your stomach and you lean in again and start eating the soup

This makes Natasha giggle and start eating with you, for the first time since you dead this is the happies, relaxing breakfast she have

 The have a good conversation, remembering the old time and telling the hilarious scenarios in their life while only natasha and y/N just listening to her, but mostly Y/n is the who always tell stories while Natasha is listening but now, Natasha is the one who’s telling stories and y/N just listening and laughing with Natasha

“And oh I remember when you just trip after you defend a lady in the park with 5 boys, that’s hilarious, you look badass walking away then suddenly you trip” Natasha said between laughter

What she didn’t know that Avengers with Pepper and Clint’s family just got in the living room, they agree last night that they should help one another to get through this and mostly help Natasha, knowing is is the most damage one

“Is that Natasha right?” Sam asked frowning, when they all heard her laughing, this is the first time they heard Natasha laugh loudly like she’s the only one in the world

“Ye-yeah, I guess” Wanda said, she clearly still have a red puffy eyes and a big eye bags under eyes

“Why is Lady Natasha laughing?” Thor asked and bring her Mjolnir in the corner

“There’s only one why to find out” Tony said and they all go to the kitchen

“And oh Y/N/N maybe we can visit Lene, she missed you too” Natasha said and this makes all the Avenger froze in their spot, looking at one another

“She probably will be ha-” Natasha cut off by Bucky

“Ah Nat, who are you talking with?” Bucky asked and Natasha look back since she’s facing her back to them, and they see a big smile plaster on Natasha’s face, the one they never seen before

“Oh Hi guys, come on Y/N is here, I know you all missed her too” Natasha said and stand up to go to them

All of them have a question look, at this point they got more worried to her cause they see no one besides Natasha, the soup in front of Natasha is untouched, the spoon besides the hot soup is still laying down neatly, the peanut butter sandwich is still laying down in the left side, without a bite, only Natasha’s foods is the one who's not untouch

“Uhm, Nat is dead” Bruce bring the news that Natasha forgot since the dream happened

This makes Natasha stop in her track, she just take a step when she stop and she frown looking at them

“Wha-what…?” she asked chuckling not believing what Bruce said

“Y/N dyed half and a mont-” she quickly cut Pepper in her sentence

“I head what Bruce said” she snap, getting angry

“She’s not dead! I just talked seconds ago to her!” she yell in angry looking all of them with confusion

Laura quickly take the kids away from the kitchen so they didn’t hear or witness Natasha’s sorrow, this kill Laura and she don’t want that to witness so so they get out of the compound and go to the nearest park

“What are you saying? She’s not dead” The Avenger sigh and look at one another, breaking at what Natasha’s saying

“Nat Y/N dyed, Half and a month ago, she took her own life” Rhody softly said

“We see her hanging in her bedroom ceiling, you and Wanda first saw it, remember?” Steve softly said and go to natasha slowly

“I told you I just talked to her, look she’s right th-” Natasha stop when she point where she see you, and when she look at it, you’re already gone

“There” she whisper confused, and tears starting to whelm up of your her eyes

“Nat, st-” Tony said but natasha didn’t dare to listen

“She’s just here, I’m just talking to her, laughing even” then she go to your seat and touch it and it was a cold seat

“Nat, she’s dead” Wanda said

Natasha’s tears starting to fall down, one first follow by one again until numerous tears are falling

“No, no no no no no no no no no, yo-you’re lying” she said looking at the food she made for you and it was untouched

“Nat we’re not lying, you saw her dead, we ev-” she cut Tony off

“SHE’S HERE, IN MY SIDE, I EVEN TOUCH HER, WE TALK, EAT, AND I CAN FEEL HER IN MY ARM, I-I…..I EVEN…..-” Natasha sob shout getting weaker, that she just wake up to a reality

“We even buried her Lady Natasha” Thor said softly and this makes natasha go weaker, collapsing in the ground and thankfully Steve quickly catch her

“No, no no no no no, you-you’re……..you-you’re just lying” Natasha keep mumbling that sentence over and over again while sobbing

Steve bring her to a hug and Natasha try to get him off of her but Steve didn’t budge it and continue to hug Natasha even if she’s punching her

“AAAAHHHHHH NO NO NOOOOOO, NOOOOOOOO” Natasha scream out, it was agonizing, the pain and sorrow, it’s like she just seen you hanging in your bedroom ceiling just a few minutes ago

 And all of the Avenger look away from Natasha, crying too, this makes even harder for all of them, seeing Natasha like this, killing them over and over again

“Natash-” She cut Steve off and push him away

“NO, YOU’RE LYING, SHE’S ALIVE. Sh-she’s alive, I touch her, I even braid her hair…..sh-she’s alive, you-you all ju-just……. Just lying” She back away from them until she stop

“She’s dead nat” Clint said, in the whole ordeal, he spoke with seriousness and pain, then he step closer to Natasha

“Don’t you fucking said that Clint, I told you she’s just here, I see her, believe me” Natasha said through sobs

“Nat-” Clint whisper and the Avengers just looking everywhere that’s but Natasha, they can’t bare to see natasha like this

“No, don’t you dare sa-” she cut off by Clint grabbing her arm and harshly shook her a bit and grip her arm tightly

“She’s dead Nat, she killed herself” Clit said harshly, he hates doing this but he have too as long as his best friend wake up to her illusions

“No, no no no no” Natasha whisper looking at Clint’s eyes, who also crying

“Accept it, what you see is just an illusion Nat, Y/N is dead!” with that Natasha didn’t fight and let her body weight on Clint, that he catch and bring Natasha in a tight needed hug

Natasha just cry there, she feel like someone pour a bucket full off ice on her, but the feeling and the truth is killing her, this is more painful than the torture she went through before

And she don’t want this to feel, she’s so tired of it, she’s so tired of mourning and the pain is unbearable, she just want this to stop

This went on for a few days that turn into a weeks and months, Natasha lost her mind and getting crazier by the time being, she keeps seeing Y/N everywhere and this drives her crazy

She also killed someone, when she get out of the compound cause she see Y/N outside, she just follow Y/N until someone disrespect her

And this bring back everything and when the night comes she killed the guy like what Y/N killed the previous guy who disrespect her

This go on for one to two, then three until numerous guy killed by Natasha, she continue what Y/N started

Until One night she dream of Y/n again, like the other nights, but this one is different, this is not just only making memories

-THE DREAM

She wake up again in the beautiful paradise but this one is different, instead of a fall it was a clean lake, instead of a house it’s just a blanket with pillows

The place is beautiful, this more brighter and calmer, trees everywhere, birds chirping around, butterflies and other animals are here, and the water are sparkling by the sun hitting the water

She feel at peace here and all her worries and pain are gone here, she feels like she’s in heaven

“Gladly you’re awake, talia” a soft voice ring in her ear so she quickly snap her head to see the Y/H/C head girl

“Потница” Y/n smile at her and sit besides her, Natasha got mesmerized by your beauty, you are wearing a white dress with gold details

(Your outfit)

“Welcome to my paradise, my love” Y/n said looking around but Natasha eyes is on you

“You look magnificent as always, потница” you smile at her and thank her for that

“Finally catch up on you” Natasha said and will gonna hug Y/N but she just went through her

“Wha-what?” she frown confused and she try to hug you but she went through you again

“Y/N?” she look at you waiting for an answer

“Oh my love, I’m sorry but you can’t touch me” Y/N said softly and give natasha a small smile

“Why? I can touch you before” Natasha said and try to touch you but she can’t

“You know what, let’s explore my home, shall we?” Y/N stand and wait for Natasha so she stand up too

“Ok, whatever you want, потница” Y/N smile at it

“Follow me” and they start to go around, Y/N showing Natasha her favorite part of her home, and telling her what she have done to them

She tell stories and have a good memories, but behind all of this is a message for Nat to have, that Y/N want to tell her

Until it’s time for Nat to wake up, in the reality where no Y/N, where the pain and sorrow will come back

“Nat it’s time” Y/N said softly stopping by the lake and look down in the clear water who have their reflection

“Time for what?” Natasha asked and look down in the water too and have eye contact to Y/N

“For you to wake up” The she face Natasha, this make Natasha eyes water

“Wake up?” Natasha asked looking at her with confusion

“Yes, wake up to reality” Natasha just look at her to Y/N smile softly at her

“This is just a dream, my love I’m not real” Natasha’s tears starting to fall, even if you want to wipe it, you can’t

“No no no no, you’re real………you are real” Natasha sob at it trying to hold you but she can’t

“No, my love, this is just a dream, this is my home now and you have to wake up, you can’t stay here” you said softly

“I don’t want to wake up, it hurts there, and I don't want to feel it anymore, please………please I don’t want to wake up, please” Natasha plead but you shook your head and take a deep breath and with a flick of your fingers you cup her face and wipe her tears

“Look Talia, I’m not here to distract you from reality, I’m here to make you realized something, the Y/n you keep seeing is not me, the y/n keeps appearing in your dreams is not me, it’s just your illusion” Y/N said softly rubbing her thumb on Natasha’s cheek and wipe her tears

“Wh-what?” Natasha look at her confused

“Look, I know what I did back in earth is wrong, and my brain eat me, poison me and be a crazy person bu-” Natasha cut you off

“No you just did that because you love me and I know you didn’t mean it” she said and Y/N smile at her and Nod

“Yes, I didn’t mean it bu-” again she cut you off

“And because of me you did those and and because of you you took your own life, this is my fau-” you quickly cut her off

“No, Natasha, this is no ones fault ok, it’s my decision to killed myself cause, I know I can’t stop myself of killing people” Y/n take a deep breath

“Look, I saw myself to you because I want you to wake up from the reality where I’m no longer there, and I want you to keep going on your life and live happy with Steve, have yi=our own family, I know you can’t pregnant but I now Tony and Bruce will fixed that but that’s not the point….” Natasha look in your eyes sowas you to hers

“I want you to stop, what you’re doing is wrong, stop continuing what I started, you’re not that person Talia, you are a hero not the Villain” you said softly

“Maybe I already became one……look if you’re not there, I will lose my mind, i can’t live another second without you so please I don't want to wake up, please” Natasha sob pleading and she hug you tightly

The comfort she’s looking for is now here, she’s getting it, the real comfort not the comfort that her illusion making

“Please, please I don’t want to wake up” Natasha plead burying her face in your neck and you rub her back up and down

“But if you don’t wake up, you will die, and think of the people down there, the Avengers, Wanda who is counting on you, having hopes that you will go back to your normal self, Steve who loves you the most with all of his heart, Lena who still needs a sister, your love, Melina and Alexie who still wants to see you and make it up to the years of pain they cause, they still needs you down there Nat, so you need to wake up” you said softly but she shook her head and pull away

“No, it’s unfair” she sob looking at you

“It’s unfair, Y/N cause Wanda need you too, so was Lena, Steve, Tony and all of us, especially me, I need you but you just left us” Natasha broke of her voice

“I know but it’s for the best but you, the world still needs you” You said softly

“Please, I don’t want to go back there, I have already done enough, I always put everyone before me….please at once I wanna be selfish…..” natasha soc holding your hand firmly

“For once I wanna put myself first, I wanna be selfish, I wanna stay here with you…..cause if I go back there knowing you will not gonna be there, I can’t go on life, I can’t save a life and it will drive me crazy so please…….” then she cup your face and kiss your forehead then rest her forehead to yours

“I want to be selfish and stay here with you, please” she said softly

At that moment you know you can’t change Natasha’s mind, what every pursue ow whatever you say, she will stick of inseasting to stay here in your home, in your paradise

Cause you know she’s a stubborn one but you love it, so you sigh, holding her wrist and rub your thumb at it and nod, leaning in on her comfort you missed too

“Ok” you whisper and she sob bringing you in a tight hug

“Thank you, thank you” you smile at her and hug her too

————————————————————————————

Meanwhile in the compound, the team are losing hope, they can’t help Natasha and it makes them frustrated especially Wanda, Steve and Lena

“I’ll go check on Nat” Lena offer and they all hum at it so all hum in agreement and lena go to her sister’s room

“Nat?” she whisper and enter her room, she see a peaceful Natasha laying in her bed

Lena frown and got happy cause for the first time of 8 months this is the only times she see her sister peaceful

“Nat?” she said softly and shook her but the redhead assassin didn’t wake up which is unusual cause she always wake up even if you just open her door

“Nat” lena panic and shook natasha violently but the redhead still didn’t wake up

Lena try for a few times but it still didn;t wake her up and this broke Lena, sobbing in her sister’s body and she put her two fingers in her pulse in the neck and she felt nothing

“Natasha” Lena whisper and sob knowing her sister already passed away

“FRIDAY tell everybody to come up here

“Yes, ms. Belova” with that FRIDAY tell everybody to go to Natasha’s room

At that time Lena broke the news and they all broke down especially Wanda and Steve, this isn’t easy for them, first you tragic death and now Natasha’s tragic death too

————————————————————————————

The last moment of Natasha, her funeral, everyone is wearing all black mourning of Natasha’s death, Doctor Cho announce that she died of cardiac arrests

In the rainy day, everyone have an umbrella and in front of Natasha’s casket and slowly putting down in the hole

They will buried her body next to your, her death is uneasy too but they accept it, knowing that she’s know with you, that Natasha always wanted since you dead

They know that it’s hard to move on knowing that still didn’t move on on your death and now Natasha but they know they will accept the truth someday and move on and be happy

“ Я знаю, что ты теперь с Т/И/И, и я знаю, что вы оба теперь счастливы, Т/И/и, пожалуйста, позаботься о моей сестре, Ты тоже Нат, присмотри за Т/И/И” (I know you're both happy now Y/N/N please take care of my sister, You too Nat, look after Y/N/N) Lena said with a smile

“I always will люблю вас обоих” (Love you both) Natasha whisper and throw a white roses

“I am happy and will look after her, I will always love you too сестра” Natasha said from above

You and Natasha watching everyone from your now both home up, Natasha feel bad for leaving them but she didn’t regret it, she knows that she will just make a bad decision and do something wrong if she go back to earth

“I will don’t worry Lena, I always love you too” Y/N said with a smile, she understand and speak Russian too, Yelena and Natasha teach her

“Let’s go?” Natasha asked and stand up taking the dirt off of her dress and offer her hand to Y/N, that she gladly take and Natasha pull Y/N up

(Natasha’s outfit)

(Natasha’s hair)

“Let’s go” Y/N said and Natasha help Y/N take the dirt off of her dress, Y/N still wear the same dress tho

(Yout outfit)

(Your hair)

(And you both didn’t wear anything to cover your feet, you both just go aroun bare feet)

With That you walk away hand in hand and happy to be with each other’s arm again

This is what happiness and a life you both wanted, a peaceful yet you both are together like a love birds, that whenever the one leave, they always come back, when one love birds die, the one will follow soon

And you both are happy that this is the ending you both have, you might have a traumatic pass, have a worst life in earth but at least you both do everything to have purpose in life and didn’t let your past affect your presents

And how here you both are happy with your new lives so was the people who loves you both in earth, they are happy that you both are now in peace, they know that someday you all will reunite, in the afterlife

[cs-fox]

DEEP COVER | FEM! READER X KÖNIG PART 2

TAGGING @werschitz !!

warnings 4 this 1, it's a little suggestive, but i stayed away from any actual 18+ stuff.

if you want that from me, just ask ig 😂

requests r open as well if u like my work <33 i'd love 2 hear any ideas !!

read part 1 here

______________________________________________________________

Your POV

Two weeks into your mission, you’d been widely accepted into your new role as an assassin for hire - working under Tenebris.

They had sent you on a few meaningless assignments, all of which you completed with no issues. They varied from distribution to punishment - needless to say, with your training, you excelled.

The lord of the operation was glad of you, often inviting you to high-end bars for parties, which you accepted, hoping for a window to open where you could gather some, any, intel.

Which you found - almost too easily.

Codenamed “Sovereign” by KorTac, one of the leading operators of Tenebris, had taken quite a liking to you. Often you found yourself in his company - and more often, he was drunk, with a loose mouth.

From these late-night conversations, you gleaned some information - these narcos had ties to the South American Military, along with an obscure Russian operation, the operating base you had arrived to was but a facet of their operation. Sovereign had slurred out that he’d even met some figures of interest that appeared on KorTac’s watchlist, using them for covert operations associated with their ghost supply of money, and untraceable distribution tactics.

This man seemed to trust you with his life, at least while he was drunk.

There was only one problem - he was sending you on continually more demanding assignments. Slaughtering the mercenaries that had been giving his operation trouble - and capturing their colonel.

Your colonel.

König.

Hier wird es kompliziert.

This is where it gets complicated.

Upon seeing König’s reaction to your position, Sovereign would know of your situation. He would put you in a dilemma - it was easy to foresee that. He would ask you to kill Colonel König, or face death.

You’d have to figure out that obstacle when it arose.

König’s POV

His team had received a strong lead on the drug operation that they were tracking. Seven men had been holed up in an apartment building for four days, waiting on orders, only to be told that the group they were chasing was five floors below them.

König paced constantly, checking his rifle at least ten times before he gave up and announced they’d be leaving in fifteen minutes. Horangi seemed to be the only man without a pale face, and König appreciated that.

Because the way his stomach was churning, he wasn’t sure if his team would make it out alive.

Two hours later, his team was elbow-deep in blood and cocaine, wading through the few men that tried to oppose them with AK-47s. With quick, concentrated fire, they all fell.

But before König could even register what was happening, he was face-to-face with the verdammt Füchsin fucking vixen who’d given him so much strife.

She was wearing a black mask, the same as her fellows, to hide her identity - but König would know those eyes anywhere.

He was about to roar to his men orders that would only result in her death when he felt a thudding pain on his plate carrier. He whipped around, hissing, only to end up with his ass on the ground and with a gun pointed to his head.

And her hand was wrapped around the grip.

His team paused, unsure what to do. Unfortunately, König didn’t get to find out much of what happened next, because his vision went dark, and in the last few moments he was conscious, he felt his huge body slam down onto the floor.

König came to in a bright room. Sunlight filtered down from huge windows, obviously the person who lived here was rich.

The person in question sat in a plush-looking recliner, with a man wearing mismatched tactical gear on each side. But there was a figure kneeling in front of him - she’d shed her mask, and that face was all too visible. That face…

For a second - König was sure he hadn’t imagined it - her eyes softened. Worry? Sympathy?

He wanted to grab her and slam her to the ground, for what she’d done. 

Verdammte Schlampe!

Fucking bitch!

He felt far too groggy to move, though.

She stood up, calling something out to the man seated. He stood up, and walked over to her, placing one hand on her waist.

Anger bubbled, hot and intense, in König’s gut.

That - she - was his.

Wie konnte er es wagen?

How dare he?

König surged to his feet, disorientation forgotten in the moment. The mercenaries jumped forwards, protecting their leader, but König paid him no mind as his hands found his lieutenant’s collar.

He towered over her, yanking her close to him. 

‘You verdammter Verräter!’ fucking traitor!

She trembled, which made a wicked feeling of pride arise in König’s lower stomach. He hissed a breath out over her uncovered neck, so he could feel her shudder at the feeling, before throwing her away. To his disappointment, though, she barely stumbled, breathing uneven.

Their ringleader smirked, and two words fell from his lips which made König’s blood run cold.

‘Kill him.’

Anger flashed in her eyes, but she drew her sidearm. König took a step back, but before he could so much as brace himself, the two mercenaries fell to the floor with muffled thumps.

The leader stumbled, fear etching his features, before a bullet was put through his skull to match his soldiers.

König spun around, with the full intention of grabbing her once more, but she held up a hand.

‘Do you have exfil waiting? Can you call it in?’

König clamped his teeth together.

‘Yes.’ he ground out.

‘Come on.’

As König’s team piled into the black Land Rovers that had been called in for a hot exfil, he dragged his Füchsin vixen beside him, ensuring they were in the same vehicle. She ended up crammed in between Horangi and himself; panting and sweaty akin to all of the other soldiers along side them.

Horangi looked ready to explode; the fierce anger burning in his irises told König as much. His hand was resting on his knife from the second he noticed their mole would be in his vehicle.

König gave him a hard look, before turning to the woman in between them.

‘Explain yourself, schatz.’ darling.

Your POV

The drive back to the airport was hellish.

What with König breathing down your neck, Horangi glaring daggers in your direction, all on top of the other soldiers giving you a wide berth.

You had explained to König during the trip of your position’s deep cover, telling him that you were the one supplying intelligence on Tenebris.

Most still seemed skeptical, but you could tell from the look in König’s eyes that he wanted a whole lot more from you than just an explanation.

Once your team had boarded the plane, you endured the five hour flight back to base with only one little issue - König sat next to you, under pretence of “keeping an eye on her”, but you really guessed he was just trying to get you hot and bothered. If he thought you’d forgotten the interesting sort of relationship you both were in even before you left, he was sorely mistaken.

Every so often, his thigh bumped yours - he didn’t apologise, not once, instead opting to lock you with a stare that was hard to decipher.

The fifth time, he didn’t move his leg away; you could feel the taut muscle underneath his pale fatigues pressed up against your own thigh; which was clothed in dark canvas.

You forced your eyes to stay trained on the window, gazing out at the earth below; not giving him the satisfaction, until you heard a deep, rich voice to your right.

‘Look at me, schatz.’ darling.

You considered disobeying for a few seconds, but the feeling of his leg pressed dangerously firmly against yours made you give in. König chuckled darkly when your eyes met his.

‘You know, meine liebe, I could not stop thinking about you while you were away.’ my love.

You swallowed thickly. That accent - that husky, viscous accent that made your mind turn to pulp - never failed to make that heady rush of desire make it’s home embarrassingly low in your stomach.

‘I - miss me that much, hm?’ you tried for a smooth reply, but the way your stomach twisted made it come out much less attractive.

König leaned in, the dark curtain of his mask draping itself over your shoulder. You could see the wicked amusement in his eyes.

‘Ja.’ Yes.

‘You do not know,’ he murmured, voice dripping with innuendo, ‘Wie ich deinen Geschmack vermisst habe, Liebes.’ how I missed your taste, love.

You shivered, it was like ice sliding down your spine, but you liked it.

‘Sag mir, wie viel.’ 

Tell me how much.

That was all he needed - you knew from the amused rumble that seemed to echo from the depths of his throat.

‘Ich konnte dich nicht aus dem Kopf bekommen, Liebling. Ich habe an dich gedacht, als ich trainierte, als ich aß, als ich... im Bett lag...'

I could not get you out of my head, darling. I thought about you when I trained, when I ate, when I… lay in bed…

His words went straight to your core, and you felt it almost immediately - the uncomfortable heat between your thighs you couldn’t quite shift away from, the dampness spreading through your layers of clothing.

‘Ich habe vermisst, wie du dich um mich herum gefühlt hast,’ he whispered, voice sweet and heavy, like chocolate; melting on your boiling hot skin. ‘wie süß du bist…’

I missed how you felt around me, how sweet you are…

You looked up at him with half-lidded eyes, letting your fingers trail down to rest - only allowing him a feather-light touch - on his upper thigh.

‘I knew you’d be all riled up,’ you purred, now tracing little circles with your fingertips.

König made that rumbling noise once more, the one that turned your bones to putty.

He held up four fingers, four minutes, and stood up, walking slowly down the aisle of the jet plane to the bathrooms.

You smiled to yourself, checking your wristwatch. Three minutes, twenty-seven seconds, and he’d no doubt make you forget your own fucking name at thirty thousand feet.

______________________________________________________________

part 3 ???

enjoy x

[stars-obsession-pit]

The Half-Ghost and The Travelers

The Ghost Zone connects to multiple different worlds. So when Tucker upgraded Danny’s computer to route its internet through the Zone to have connection anywhere, it coincidentally also allowed him to connect to other worlds too.

Once he realized this, Danny started to occasionally try out games from those alternate worlds.

Amongst those was a multiplayer game called Ransack. It may not have stood out too much to him on its own, but he managed to make some online friends through it. They were members of computer gaming club from their world’s version of Madison, Wisconsin.

And then one day they completely dropped off the grid.

So of course he tried to look for them. Online friends losing contact isn’t uncommon, but a whole group vanishing at once without any warning? That was worrying to him.

The plot only thickened when he saw on that world’s news that an entire building in their city had been suddenly torn away through a rift in space.

Now he really needed to track them down…

(or in more direct words: a Danny Phantom - Worm crossover where Danny was online friends with the Travelers prior to them being pulled to Earth Bet by the Simurgh, and he sets out to try and learn what happened to them (and, once he finds out, to try to help them))

[oraclememehacker]

"You better. Or I'll make sure that he knows that you're still alive!" With that, she made her way fully out of the cafe and was back in Shibuya. It felt like the whole world had changed now that she knew that he was alive again and that they had such a conversation like this. She wasn't sure why it felt like everything had changed, but it did. And now she knew the realities surrounding her mother's death.

Or at least Akechi's perspective on it anyways.

Was she going to keep in contact with him? It was yet to be determined. Probably anyways, as she scrolled through her texts that she had sent via a burner number she set up. She still had the ability to fake her number for just these events. It worked out really well, though next time that she contacted him, it would be via her personal number. Now it was time to head back home, to decompress and reflect on everything...

[End]

He had to admit, that was a bit to drop on someone randomly. And thinking back on it, it seemed to have been a habit of his even before they knew his intentions. Back when he was feigning the detective prince role. Either way, it looked like their meeting was over now.

Perhaps he'd stay here for a little while longer, though. This cafe had a nice atmosphere.

"You have my number," keep in touch. "I'll contact him soon."

[vaguely-concerned]

sometimes I think of all the on-the-surface warm, well-meaning but deeply ineffectual advice and attention john gives harrow through harrow the ninth (make some soup and get some sleep! get a hobby! don't be so hard on yourself! self care harrow! as long as I need take no actual responsibility in this relationship whatsoever I would have loved to be your dad!) set up against the stark truth that with his other hand he has been staging her attempted horrific murder again and again and again like a living nightmare on the logic that it will 'put her down or fix her'. and then I find that I wish there is a hell. a special hell where twitch streamers turned necromantic death emperors go

[olessan]

Re: TLovM episodes 3x07-3x09