#or- mind your fucking business. leave me alone. realize that the negative attention you give me is still giving me attention

[snekdood]

i hope im not just someone you hate follow to you but also someone you stubbornly stomp your feet at and are enraged by daily but you must hold yourself back from being loud about it bc of ??? reasons

[mypoisonedvine]

The Wrong Idea | Lee Bodecker x reader

summary: you weren’t exactly a rebel in the eyes of the law, but that didn’t mean you cared for the corrupt, alcoholic town sheriff.  and that certainly didn’t mean you would care at all for him marrying your mother.  if only you’d known how much worse it could get...

word count: 4.5k

warnings: smut!! (heavy dubcon/noncon), age gap (reader is 19), stepcest, loss of virginity, pain kink, creampie kink, infidelity, degradation, oral (m and f receiving), spanking, choking, slapping, daddy kink, authority kink, subtle ddlg themes?, reader’s mom being toxic af

You’d never cared for the Sheriff.  Even you, being generally a well-behaved young woman, thought he was a little too intense and a little too corrupt.  Up until now, you’d assumed your mother agreed with you on that, because she never protested to your complaints about Sheriff Bodecker and his ‘fascist reign of terror’ as you called it.  Apparently that was a poor assumption, though.

“You… what?!”

“I never told you we were seein’ each other because I knew you had your childish rebellion against him and his police force,” your mother explained with a demeaning eyeroll.  “But now that we’re engaged, I can’t hide it anymore.”

“How long has this been going on?” you asked quietly, still in shock at what you were hearing— and unable to take your eyes off of the sparkling diamond wrapped around her finger.

“Oh, I’d say… about two months now,” she decided.

“Two—” you stopped and started over, so bewildered that you couldn’t finish your original sentence.  “You’re engaged after two months?”

“Don’t make that face at me, you look so ugly when you scowl like that,” she frowned.  Of course, she could never miss an opportunity to nag you.  “He’s a respectable man, and he treats me well.  The wedding is in three weeks— and he’s generous enough to let you live with us after that.  Says there’s a spare bedroom for you in his house.”

“His… his house…” you slurred, suddenly feeling light-headed.  “I’m… we’re moving…?”

“Yes, honey, and with your work ethic it’ll take you the whole three weeks to pack up, so you should start now,” she informed you with that cruel, fake smile of hers.

She walked away as you sat down on the couch, staring off into space, trying to comprehend what you just heard.  It’s not like you thought your mother was flawless or anything, or that you and her had a perfect relationship, but you thought she would’ve been a little more… gentle about all this.  She could do better than him anyways!  But she didn’t care about that, only money and status.  You could almost laugh at her small-mindedness to think the Sheriff of a nothing-town like Knockemstiff was actually plentiful in either of those things, but right now you couldn’t laugh.  You couldn’t even cry as you packed your things and said goodbye to the home you’d known your whole life.  You were just numb.

//

You couldn’t look him in the eye when you arrived at his house, duffel bags in hand and shoes stained with the dry red dirt of summer.  It was nicer than your old place, and if it were anyone else’s you’d say it had charm, but everything was tainted because you knew it was his.  You could sort of tell that this had been his bachelor pad for a while, but it had a half-assed attempt at hominess with the rug in the living room and a centerpiece on the kitchen table.  He even had a TV, presumably funded by bribes and all his other nefarious dealings— meaning you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to watch it.

“Nice to meet ya, properly,” Lee greeted, though his monotone didn’t come across as particularly impassioned.

“Thank you, Sheriff,” you mumbled quickly, hoping to get this conversation over with.

“You don’t have to call me Sheriff anymore, you know.  Not in the house, at least.”

You nodded but said nothing, following him as he motioned for you and moved into the hallway.  You trailed behind him, noticing the eerie lack of any personal effects on the walls (no family photos, apparently, and not much of a family to photograph in the first place from what you’d heard), and stopped when he reached the door at the end.

“This is your room,” Lee informed you stiffly.  Opening the door, you were horrified by the assault on your eyes of pink.  Pink everything: pink wallpaper, a pink fuzzy quilt, pink bedframe.  There were even assorted stuffed animals on the bed, disturbingly enough.

“When my mother told you she had a daughter, did she not mention that I was grown?”

“You may be nineteen, honey, but you’re nowhere near grown,” he scowled.  “She didn’t tell me she had a daughter until two days before the weddin’.  This is what I managed to... improvise, since then.”

You almost had sympathy for him, just in that you two were both victims of your mother’s eccentricity.  Almost.  

“Must’ve inherited your expensive taste from your ma,” he frowned.  “Sorry, princess—” the nickname made his lips curl like the word itself tasted sour— “but this’ll have to do.”

“Oh, I’m nothing like her,” you sneered back, “cause I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.”

“What are you two chatting about?” your mother’s voice called from the kitchen.

Both of you answered at the same time: “Nothing!” 

With a grimace, you dragged your bag into the room and shut the door in his face.  It was those little acts of rebellion that had to tide you over.  You weren’t audacious enough to do anything actually cruel, or illegal, but you weren’t going to make this any easier for him.

At first it was just refusing to leave your room.  That worked for a week, until you realized you were going to starve to death.  So then the only times you saw him were at the dinner table, which you made into a protest by pretending he didn’t exist and refusing to answer his questions.  You occasionally relented when he asked you to pass something from your side of the table, but you never looked at him while you did it.  

He didn’t seem angry or sad about your determination to avoid him, if anything it seemed like he was happy to pretend you weren’t there either.  And that should’ve made it easier, but for some reason it bothered you even more.  You realized that maybe his attention did matter to you, even though it was negative attention that you were hoping to inspire, but you knew that was ridiculous and you tried to fight it.  Still, for all your plans to never see him, you sure did think about him a lot.  You thought about where he might be, so you could be somewhere else.  You thought about what he must be doing at work, and how he was probably continuing to be a nasty mean drunk as frequently as possible.  You wondered if he and your mother were making love just across the house, although you were lucky enough to never hear anything.  Just knowing that could be happening made you feel sick, even though you realized it was none of your business.  

You sometimes found yourself listening for it at night, just in case.

//

Your mother had decided to spend her new husband’s money on a trip, but the man himself couldn’t tag along— too much work to do, apparently.  The prospect of being left alone with him was nightmare fuel, but you didn’t even try to ask her to stay… you knew she wouldn’t listen.  She’d been totally absorbed in her own world since the wedding, seeming to be very fulfilled by the social role of ‘Sheriff’s wife’ to the point that she had lost all interest in her former position as ‘your mom’.  

There was a balance to the silence with her gone, though.  You avoided him, he avoided you; it was a tense truce, but a survivable one.  At least without her, nobody was going to try to make you two get along.  Friday night was different, though.  This time when he came home from work, you knew you were stuck with him until Monday morning.  That thought made you realize that you needed to get out and you didn’t care if you weren’t dressed for it.  It was hot, and it was just a walk so nobody was going to see you in this miniskirt anyway, right?

Too bad Lee was sitting on the couch, still in his uniform, not giving you any mind but likely to harass you before you could make it outside.  You figured if you just walked casually enough, he wouldn’t even notice, so you made your way towards the door.

“You’re not going out like that,” he announced suddenly, seemingly without even looking up from his newspaper.

“Says who?” you deflected quickly with a raised brow.  It wasn’t that you wanted to pick a fight, but you just couldn’t understand why he would even care what you were wearing.

“Says the guy who doesn’t want you to give all the neighborhood boys the wrong idea.”

“What idea?!” you asked, crossing your arms.  He shot you a look, quickly raking in your body and outfit which made you feel more observed than you cared for.

“The idea that you’re a slut,” he explained coldly.

You gulped at his words but tried to keep a poker face.  You didn’t let it get this far just to give up.  You were so sick of his shit; what made him think he could boss you around when he’d never even tried to get to know you?

“What makes you assume that’s the wrong idea?” you shot back, fighting the nervousness in your voice.

You hadn’t expected him to stand up instantly, the coffee table wobbling a bit when his knee bumped into it.

“The fuck did you say?” he hissed.

With his teeth bared at you he looked like a predator, and you felt like small, helpless prey.  You tried to muster some of your former confidence, but everything came out shaky and weak.  “I— I said that maybe it’s not the wrong ide—”

He pounced, crossing the room and slamming you back against the wall, a hand at each shoulder; you instantly cowered, shrinking back and turning your face away from him as far as you could.  You never thought he’d put his hands on you like this.  Your heart was pounding so loudly that you were surprised you could hear his hoarse whisper.

“Watch your tone with me.  I’m not kidding around.”

“I’m an adult,” you weakly fought back, “I can do what I want.”

“Not in my fuckin’ house you can’t!” he bellowed.

For some reason, it all hit you at once.  All the emotions you’d been suppressing since your mother had gotten engaged— all the anger and fear and betrayal and indignation, they came bubbling up before you could stop them.  

“I don’t even want to be in your ugly fucking house!” you cried in response.  “I don’t wanna be anywhere near you!  You’re a fascist and a tyrant and a pig!”

You expected him to get more aggressive but he suddenly stilled.  It was the scariest anger, that outwardly-calm type that made your blood go cold.

“Go to your room.”

You didn’t question it, turning to walk away (any excuse to get away from him, right?), but you didn’t expect him to follow you in and shut the door behind the both of you.

You were paralyzed with fear as he stepped past you and sat on your bed.  It was sort of strange as you realized you’d never seen him in your room before.  He stood out against the somewhat childish decorations, but you were in no mood to appreciate the humor of the situation as he patted his knee.

“Lay across my lap.  Don’t make me tell you twice.”

He couldn’t possibly be doing what I think he’s doing, could he? you wondered to yourself, but did as he asked.  You realized you’d never been so close to him before, the warmth of his body radiating through his clothes.  He smelled like cologne and booze, although you didn’t think he’d actually had much to drink yet today— at least compared to his normal habits.  It was almost worse to think that he wasn’t acting on drunkenness now.

“It’s prob’ly too late for it, but you are in serious need of discipline, young lady.”

You had no idea what he was talking about, but your body reacted to it differently than you expected.

His fingers slipped between the top of your skirt and your skin, having to pull pretty hard to get it down due to how tight it was.  You bit your lip and hoped he wouldn’t notice your arousal, but as your pussy was exposed, you could feel the breeze from the ceiling fan and you knew you were undeniably wet.  You didn’t know why, but you were.

“Count them for me,” he instructed coldly and before you could ask what you were counting, he brought his hand down firmly.  You felt his wedding ring in the slap and it made you feel a little sick.

“O-one,” you stammered.

He delivered four more, alternating cheeks, and you tried not to react with visible pain.  But as the intensity increased, you realized that not reacting might’ve actually been making it worse.  Either way, you couldn’t stop yourself from crying out when the eighth made your whole body lurch forward from the force.

“Eight!” you squealed, but both of you noticed the way you pushed your hips forward.  Unintentional as it may have been, you were trying to rub yourself on his thigh, desperate to be touched where it felt like all the energy of your body had focused.  You were sure you’d never been so horny before, and now your clit was nearly throbbing.  What the fuck is wrong with me?!

He quickly delivered the final two slaps before grabbing your neck, hoisting you up until you were on your knees before him.  He examined your face closely and you tried to keep your lip from shaking.

“You’re worse than I thought,” he hissed.  “You are in dire need of a punishment.  You should thank me for going so easy on you so far.”

You realized when his grip on your jaw tightened that he was being literal.  “Thank you, for going easy on me…”

“Where’d that fire go, huh?  Guess you’re all talk,” he laughed.  

He roughly shoved his fingers into your mouth, moaning lowly as your tongue rubbed against the pads of his fingers.  “This fuckin’ mouth.  You just don’t know when to keep it shut, do you?  Come on baby, open up.  I’ve got a better use for it than your fuckin’ disrespectful attitude.”

He used his free hand to work on his belt right in front of your face, and your eyes went wide.

“Don’t act so surprised sweetheart,” he said with a hint of irritation, “this is exactly what you’re asking for.”

You gasped a bit when his cock was freed from his trousers, springing up and already red at the tip.  You’d never seen one this close before and it was intimidating in every way.

“Like what you see?  You’re so wet for it,” he purred.  You tried to speak but words abandoned you. 

It was all a blur as he held your mouth open and shoved his cock inside— it tasted like skin and salt, and the size made your chapped lips crack until you worried they would bleed.  His moans were deep and gravelly, making your skin break out into goosebumps as he pumped smoothly into your pliant mouth.  He slapped your face a few times, not quite hard but plenty strong enough to make it sting.  You winced with each impact, the tears which had welled from your gagging finally falling down and dripping from your chin.

“Suck on it, princess, like a popsicle… fuck yeah, like that,” he groaned, and your mind resisted obeying him but your body was completely at his mercy.  “Aw baby, ya look so good chokin’ on my cock.  Is that what you were gonna go do in this slutty little outfit you’ve got on?”

You tried to shake your head but he was holding you down, not even giving you a chance to breathe.  His protruding stomach rubbed against your forehead when his cock was this deep in your throat, and the disgust and fear somehow made your arousal stronger.

He let you go, finally, and you pulled back with a gasp and a cough.  You weren’t given much reprieve, though, as he started to tug at your blouse as well.

“No, wait,” you whimpered, weakly trying to bat his hands away.

“Wait?  I think I’ve been waiting long enough,” he growled.  “Your ma’s a fuckin’ tease, hasn’t touched me since I got her that ugly fuckin’ ring.  Let’s hope you learn from her mistakes.”

Your blouse was torn open and tossed aside, leaving you only in the pulled-up skirt and your bra.  Reaching up to cover yourself, you were discouraged by the shockingly-gentle brush of his hands. 

“Don’t cover yourself, sweetheart, you’re gorgeous,” he murmured.  His gaze made you feel hot all over, and it wasn’t just because of the summer weather outside.  “Nobody ever looked at ya before?”

You shook your head, looking down at the floor.  A finger under your chin guided you to look up at him.  

“Nobody ever touched ya before?” he pressed, his stare boring into you.  You shook your head again.  “Fuck,” he whispered, but then he started to smile proudly.  “Knew you were a good girl, princess, you just didn’t wanna act like one for some reason.  You gonna be good for me now?” 

You nodded weakly, swallowing as you tried to comprehend what was happening.  

“Then I’ll be good to you, too,” he promised darkly, a shimmer in his eyes that made you throb between your thighs.  “Come get on the bed, pretty girl.”

You almost resisted, but it was your need driving you now, not your mind.  You had been waiting too long to let a boy touch you, and now that a man had touched you, you felt all kinds of wrong and yet craved more.  Before you had even finished sitting down beside him, he was slipping off your bra and pushing you back onto the quilt.

“Sheriff!” you yelped instinctively, a little disoriented as he started to climb on top of you.

He chuckled, clearly amused by your unexpected appeal to authority.  “Wanna know a secret, sweetheart?  Wanna know the real reason I said you didn’t have to call me that anymore?”  He leaned down, his breath hot and moist against your neck when he spoke: “Because it made me so fuckin’ hard when you said it.”

He pressed his cock, still wet with your spit, against your thigh; maybe just for emphasis, a reminder that he was still hard and wasn’t anywhere near done with you.

“What are you gonna do to me…?” you asked weakly, your voice so wavering and broken that you cringed just hearing it.  

“Just gonna make you feel good, princess,” he smiled, and before you could ask what that would entail, he was groping your tits in his large, calloused hands.  A low groan echoed in his chest, and you tried not to squirm as he teased your nipples between his fingers.  They were already hardening from the moment he’d touched you, but somehow it was getting even worse when he played with them, watching your face and surely seeing the shame you wore there.

His hands trailed lower, rubbing your waist, your thighs… you found yourself anticipating that he’d remove your panties, so much so that when he did, you quickly lifted your hips to help him slide them off.  You couldn’t believe how easily you were letting him do this to you.

“I can tell how much you want it,” he taunted lowly as the fabric slid down your legs and was tossed to the floor.  “I can smell how much you want it.”  He growled a little before diving in, licking a thick stripe through your folds and taking a moment right at the end to tickle your clit with his tongue.  “So fuckin’ sweet, princess; I knew you would be,” he praised.  You were forced to wonder how long he’d been thinking about this.

The noises were beyond obscene and you felt your face burning— but there was a burning in your gut, too, and shooting down your legs.  You’d never felt like this before (being a very good girl who never even touched herself), but you knew that if he didn’t stop, you would come.  And you really, really wanted to come.

Everytime he put pressure on your clit, your leg quivered involuntarily.  It was nearly too much, the sensation so powerful it almost hurt, but he pushed you right to the edge without knocking you off.

“Please,” you found yourself begging before you could stop it, “please, Sheriff—”

“I’m not your Sheriff anymore, sweetheart,” he informed you gruffly, popping up from between your legs with the entire bottom half of his face covered in your arousal, “I’m your daddy now.  Go on and beg your daddy to fuck you.”

Eyes shot wide open, you stared back at him in bewilderment.  Rage flashed in his eyes, and he snarled as his hand suddenly wrapped around your neck, tightening and choking you. 

“You heard me,” he groaned through his teeth.  “Beg me.  To fuck you.”

“Daddy,” you stammered, hoarsely fighting to speak through the pressure on your throat, “fuck me, please.”

He slammed his cock into you and you nearly screamed.  It burned and you instinctively tried to crawl away but, of course, his weight on top of you made it impossible.

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” he groaned.  He laid down on top of you entirely then, slipping his arms under your torso and holding you tightly.

Each thrust made you feel like you had reached your limits, as if you couldn’t be stretched further which was probably true.  And yet, in spite of it (or worse, because of it), you found yourself moaning and writhing under him, even arching your back to make his movements smoother.  He laughed a little as he bit at the shell of your ear.

“You love it, baby,” he moaned, “you love my cock.”

You couldn’t respond, just sob as you clutched at the shirt still on his back, your jaw tight as you tried to bear the pain.  

“It’s not always gonna hurt like this,” he promised between heavy breaths, “s’gonna feel good soon.  Gonna make you feel so fuckin’ good, pretty girl.”

Truthfully, you weren’t sure if that meant that this would happen again or not.  At the moment, you were incapable of thinking that far ahead, too focused on the way the sting of the stretch was melting away and morphing into such powerful pleasure that you couldn’t even see straight.

He kissed you, and only then did the weight of it hit you.  Who he was, what he was doing, what you were doing… it had been distant and vague before, but something about his tongue inside your mouth made you remember that the metal digging into your back was his ring; that the lips on yours were sworn to somebody else— and at that, the one exact person that made this so fundamentally wrong.

Tears welled in your eyes, gentle sobs shaking your chest.

“Don’t cry, baby,” he whispered, pulling back and kissing your tears away, “feels good, don’t it?  Feels good when daddy fucks you?”

You knew speaking would only make you cry more, so you only nodded your head shamefully.

“That’s my good girl,” he moaned as he fucked you deeper, harder, rougher.  Your fingers held onto the back of his neck, running through his hair and pulling him closer.  He kept mumbling praises but they fell on deaf ears, pleasure clouding your mind and making every hair on your body stand upright.  He didn’t stop as he reached down between your bodies and laid his hand over your stomach, growling with satisfaction at what he found there.

“I can feel me inside ya,” he grinned.  “Feel that, sweetheart?  Feel how deep I am in your wet little cunt?”

When you didn’t answer, you got a quick slap to the face.  “Yes,” you replied quickly, “yes, I— I feel it.”

He buried his face into the crook of your neck, biting you there until you nearly screamed.  You couldn’t figure out why something so objectively painful only pushed you closer to your peak, making every spot inside you more sensitive, but somehow it did.

“Gonna come, pretty girl?  Want daddy to fill you up?” he groaned against your ear, pushing down on your stomach even harder.

“Yes, daddy!” you sobbed.  “Please!”

“Fuck, you’re squeezin’ me,” he hissed, “don’t fuckin’ stop.  Keep milkin’ my cock and m’gonna fill ya up so good, princess…”

You couldn’t stop even if you tried— your orgasm hit you in powerful waves, your head falling back as your walls clenched involuntarily (as did your fingers and toes, so hard that your nail tore the sheets a little bit, which you wouldn’t notice until the next day).  He grunted as he came, pumping into you with each thrust until you felt more full than you ever had before, in a way you could never describe.

The two of you stayed like that for a moment, him catching his breath and you losing yours as his weight threatened to crush you.  “Fuck,” he groaned as he sat up and pulled out.  He grabbed your legs and held them up for you, staring at your abused pussy and making you feel uncomfortably observed.

“Push it out for me, wanna see my come leak outta ya,” he purred, moaning a little when you did as he asked.  It felt even hotter as it gushed out of you, and you mindlessly bit your lip.  He tucked his softening cock back into his trousers, rezipping them and buckling his belt.  “We’d better get ya cleaned up, huh princess?” 

The bathroom wasn’t far, so he carried you, setting you down to stand on your own as he started to draw a bath.  You watched him, although you weren’t really watching him so much as staring into the void of space that happened to be in his general direction.  You were so out of it that you didn’t even register when he turned around and smiled at you with an air of pride.

“You look so good like this.”  

It pulled you out of your trance, though you had to ask him to repeat himself with a mumbled “huh?”

“I said you look good like this,” he explained, stepping closer.  “Fucked out, braindead, just my empty-headed fucktoy.”

“I… I don’t…” you began to disagree.

He used your jaw to turn your face to the mirror, and you gasped when you saw yourself: your hair was a mess; your whole face was red, especially your eyes and nose from crying, but plenty on your cheeks where he’d slapped you; your lips were swollen and slick; bruises were already forming on your arms where he’d grabbed you, and along your neck and shoulders where he had bitten you.

His form dwarfed yours as he stood behind you, looking at your reflection with a smile.

“Look at us,” he announced wistfully, “one big happy family, huh?”

[moonctzeny]

Baby

au+trope+prompt game: college!au Jaehyun + fake dating + it’s just so hard not to fall in love with you

pairing: jung jaehyun x fem!reader x asshole!yuta

other members as background characters: yuta, mark, johnny, jungwoo

genre: angst, smut

word count: 9,124

warnings: abusive relationship, toxic behaviour

summary: “When Yuta breaks your heart for the millionth time, you meet Jaehyun, freshly broken up and looking for revenge. You decide to start fake dating to get back on your exes, but your plan takes an unexpected turn. You fall in love.”

a/n: I really don’t like putting yuta in a negative light like that it’s just for the fic’s sake! also I literally used the name Naeun as Jaehyun’s ex because I think it’s SUCH a pretty name, NO correlation whatsoever to any korean celebrity named naeun!

_____________________________________

You knew it was wrong.

Looking through your boyfriend’s, Yuta’s, phone while he took a shower, was the arguably the tackiest thing you have ever done.

He was always distant lately, only seeming to make time for a booty call, and at first, you blamed your hectic schedule. Your major was demanding, to say the least, so when Yuta suggested that you replace your dates with some “quality time” at his dorm, you had no objections. You didn’t know that he also meant ignoring your calls, canceling on you at the last minute to meet up with his frat brothers, and keeping your relationship strictly between four walls and two naked bodies.

The thought of him meaning more to you than you meant for him ate you away. It creeped in your mind while you heard the water running from your shower, and lead your fingertips to tap in the password of his phone.

Opening his messaging app, you recognize his best friends’ icons in a group chat consisting of his frat members. You scrolled up, ignoring the latest massages regarding a party that the frat would be throwing in two weeks. You started to feel guilty, not exactly sure what you were looking for, when you saw your name at the screen.

m0rklee[00:10]: @yutassanhyung, i saw your girl today at the supermarket! why didn’t you tell her about the party next Sunday?

you[00:12]: what girl lol  

m0rklee[00:13]: y/n?? i thought you guys were together?

you[00:12]: nahh

fairyteil[00:15]: eyy @yutassan if you’re done with her i know a couple guys who wanna hit it too

you[00:16]: be my guest haha

you[00:16]: don’t get me wrong she was bad when we met but shit is getting kinda stale

tenoutoften[00:17]: aren’t you on your way to her place lol

you[00:17]: hey hey pussy is pussy

Was that all you were to him? Pussy?

Yuta called you special, he called you yours. He didn’t like it when you were talking to other guys. He ripped your lingerie set because he didn’t want anyone else to ever see you in it but him. And then he dared to go around and call you a fling?

You heard the water stop running and knew you didn’t have much time until you had to face him, the thought alone making you sick.

You didn’t bother to lock his phone again, leaving the chat that made you so upset open. Grabbing your keys and a jacket, you left your place and hoped that Yuta would get the message and get the fuck out of there before you came back.

Your legs walked on their own accord, your memory leading you to the only place where you knew you’d find any sort of comfort. When Johnny opened his door, tears were already streaming down your face. He took the open tequila bottle you were holding and pulled you in for a hug. He smelled like weed and beer, and after hearing the “Is that the pizzas?”, you realized that your best friend wasn’t alone.

You quickly wiped your cheeks and fixed your sex hair that Yuta messed up, trying your best to look presentable. Johnny put a hand on your back and lead you to his living room. Jungwoo, your and Johnny’s friend from high school, was sprawled out on the couch, a little disappointed after seeing that you were, in fact, not the pizzas. Next to him, drowning in a bean bag, was Jaehyun. You didn’t really know him very well other than the fact that he took the same major as Johnny, so you felt a little insecure looking as messy as you did right now. His eyes were red, just like the other men’s, but you could swear his eyelashes looked a little damp.

Jungwoo’s words were muffled by the barbecue chips he was munching away.

“Yoo y/n, I didn’t know you were coming!”

You placed the tequila bottle on the table,

“Yeah, Woo, figured you wanted something to drink”

“Move” Johnny murmured to him, but he only stretched and sighed dramatically, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth.

“I don’t need a drink I need food. I’m hungry and I got the munchies”

Johnny grabbed his ankle and with impressive ease, dragged Jungwoo to the floor. The taller man sat on the couch, on the side next to Jaehyun and you followed his lead, letting a grumpy Jungwoo lean his head on your knees. Taking the lit joint from Jaehyun’s fingers, Johnny turned his attention back on you.

“So tell me chica” he said and took a hit, “who do I have to beat up?”

“Yuta”, you grumbled, “I’m ghosting this motherfucker”

You felt the vibrations on your lap when Jungwoo started talking.

“What did he do this time? Didn’t I tell you not to get involved with stupid frat boys?”

You started petting his hair, the softness comforting under your fingers.

“Apparently I’m not ‘bad’ enough for him anymore” you replied, throwing air quotes and rolling your eyes.

“Whaaaaat” Johnny drew out with a cough after taking a particularly deep inhale from the blunt, “you’re like the baddest bitch I know. Even now, that you’re all puffy from crying and smell like his dick”

You hit his shoulder, almost dropping the joint he was passing to Jungwoo, embarrassed that he would say something like that in front of Jaehyun, an almost stranger to you.

“I don’t know, man” Jungwoo started, and you could hear the smile on his face, “when girls cry it’s kinda hot”

You were contemplating how many hairs of his you should rip out of his scalp when the telecom rang, assumably by the pizza delivery man.

“Saved by the bell”, Jungwoo muttered to himself and got up quickly to open the door. While the youngest paid for the pizzas, Johnny held your hand, a bit guilty for his words earlier. He had a mischievous smirk and kept shifting his gaze between you and Jaehyun, who had been sitting in silence ever since you got here, occasionally smiling at your friends’ teasing.

“Fuck Yuta, man. You should find a nice guy to treat you well and fuck you even better y’know?” he started, and patted his buddy roughly on the back, “Like Jae over here”

Your eyes widened and you instinctively glanced at Jaehyun, ears a deep red and a matching shocked look on his face.

You cleared your throat, “No offense, but, like, aren’t you practically married to this girl-uhhh what’s her name again? Naeun?”

To someone who wasn’t listening to your conversation, it must have seemed like you tased him, or brought up a painful childhood memory, or asked him if he’d be willing to lick a lemon after washing his teeth. He looked away from you, and turned his attention to his nails, ripping a cuticle off in deep concentration. His voice was so quiet when he finally spoke, that you barely heard him. “I broke up with her, actually.. Like, three hours ago”

Guilt washed over you in an instant, not knowing that you scratched a wound so fresh. You wanted to apologize and even ask if you should leave the three alone, when Jungwoo grabbed the Tequila bottle and crashed on the couch clumsily between you and Johnny.

“Fuck love!”, he yelled, “let’s get wasted”

_______________________________________

You stared at the empty José Cuervo bottle rising up and down Johnny’s chest with every one of his snores. He was laid out on his couch, his tall height taking up all of its entirety, leaving Jungwoo passed out on the floor. Jaehyun followed your eyes and smiled at Johnny’s sleeping face, mouth open and tongue spilling out.

After the 4th shot, you found out that Jae was a pretty decent guy. He let you rant about Yuta while your friends were busy trying to see who could eat a large pizza by himself the fastest. You told him all about how you never went on dates anymore, how you looked through his phone after having sex, and the text conversation you found earlier tonight. He listened carefully, without judgment, and after smoking some more of Johnny’s staff, he opened up to you about his relationship with Naeun.

Or rather, how he found her fucking his roommate on his own bed.

You always thought of these two as what they call a ‘power couple’. Valedictorian meets basketball all-star, they graduate and have beautiful babies, while all the rest of us mortals can do is admire from afar. You would have never guessed the toxicity, constant cheating and manipulation that Jaehyun was recounting. You bonded over stories about cancelled dates, emotional distancing and feeling like you’re always the one giving but never receiving. If you were being honest, you would have never expected such emotional depth from a college point guard. He drew you in with his gentleness, and you noticed how different he was from Yuta, who engulfed you with his intensity. You also hated how even now, you were still thinking of him.

Just then, you got his third message for the night:

asshole [03:35]:come on baby don’t ignore mee, me and the guys were just messing around

you [03:36]:stop texting me

you [03:38]:we’re done

You locked your phone, upset and angry, and felt Jaehyun sigh.

“I know I’m falling for her stupid games, but I just want to get back at her y’know? Show her what she’s missing, that type of thing”

You knew exactly what he was talking about. During the past hours, you weighted all the possible ways you could make Yuta regret ever taking you for granted.

He was so charming that he could get laid with anyone he wanted (and probably did, even when you were ‘dating’), but even after what he said to Taeil, you knew that he hated the thought of anyone else fucking you. He wanted your body to be his, without having to deal with the commitment that came with that privilege.

You thought about fucking one of his frat buddies, but that would get you from being called ‘Yuta’s girl’ to ‘ΘΨΩ’s cumslut’, and your self esteem couldn’t take that blow.

Jaehyun’s deep voice interrupted your train of thoughts.

“Maybe Johnny’s right”

“Huh? ”

“You should date me”

You blinked at him twice, not knowing what to reply when you saw him wave his hands frantically in front of his face.

“Fake date me! I mean, you should fake date me. Sorry, the weed’s got me a little fucked up”

At first, the idea seemed crazy. Yes, it would make Yuta furious that you were supposedly fucking one of the hottest guys on campus. Yes, Naeun would get mad that she didn’t have Jaehyun’s constant attention that she so craved anymore. Yes, you two might have revealed your deepest insecurities, opened up your hearts to each other all while sharing a bottle of alcohol, but you had never hanged out together without Johnny being present. You had barely hanged out together, period. But wouldn’t that make it even more believable? Two of Johnny’s best friends break up at the same time, meet up at his house and inevitably end up together. You didn’t share the same major, so you wouldn’t have to put up the act too much at college. And with social media, making a fake relationship believable was easier than ever.

asshole [03:42]: fuck you. you think you can find someone better than me?

Drunk and lacking logic, you agreed on the plan, and gave him your number. You had just finished creating the contact on his phone when he suddenly got up and rushed to the bathroom, facing the consequences of the tequila and weed combo.

You passed out on Johnny’s bean bag and when you woke up on Sunday afternoon, Jaehyun was gone.

———————————————————

You didn’t expect him to text you on Monday, thinking that it was intoxication that gave him the idea of fake dating and made it look brilliant. So when he gave you the address to his dorm, to further discuss your ‘operation’ you were surprised, but determined to succeed.

The plan was simple. You would start tagging each other on your instagram stories, to show people that you were spending time alone. He agreed to pick you up from your lecture on Wednesday, your classes coinciding on neighboring buildings. And for you final act, he’d come with you as your plus one for the frat’s party next Sunday. Mark was nice enough to invite you, after Yuta ‘forgot’ to do it instead, and Naeun, being Taeil’s sister, wouldn’t miss it for the world. It was the perfect opportunity to flaunt your new relationship, all while being on the opponent’s part of the field.

You started off innocently enough. After you and Jaehyun finished brainstorming ideas about the ‘operation’ as he insisted on calling it, he suggested you stay for a movie and some Chinese food. His dorm was cozy, a little messy, maybe, but it fitted his boyish charm. He had a nice collection of vinyls, stating that his favorite one was I. by Cigarettes After Sex. You were a bit taken aback by his love for dreampop and rnb, but the more you got to know him, the more it seemed to fit him nicely. On the wall next to his bed hung a display full of all of his sport trophies. He was known for his basketball skills, but you also saw medals for soccer, track, volleyball. Amongst them all was an English certificate and a spelling bee award. You wondered if he ever felt pressure trying to be so perfect all the time.

The movie was terrible, but Jaehyun managed to entertain you by making silly jokes throughout and mocking the actors’ bad acting. It was the first time you ever saw him crack a joke like that and be willing to contort his handsome features. So much better than the dream boy image he was feigning for everyone, but you didn’t know him well enough to tell him. The movie was halfway done when he picked up his phone and opened a camera app through his Instagram.

“Shouldn’t we take a story? Since we’re together anyways?”

You nodded and scooted closer to him. He was a bit hesitant as he positioned the camera to capture your legs that were touching, a scene from the movie playing in the background. It was a cute picture but nothing indicated that the two of you were more than friends. You pressed the X at the top of the screen to discard the picture, and placed his hand on top of your thigh. You turned around just in time to witness his ears turning into a fuschia pink.

“Is that okay?”

He nodded and regained his cool, taking the picture and tagging you with a red heart next to your username.

A couple hours after leaving his place you texted him, asking if Naeun had replied to his story. He said that unfortunately, the only person who batted an eye was Johnny, replying with a “ 👀 👀 👀 “ .

———————————————————

You met up again the next day, at your apartment this time.

He looked nervous being in a place so foreign to him yet so personal to you, so you decided to turn the lights down to help him relax, insisting that you weren’t trying to seduce him or anything. He laughed at your joke but still looked tense, and you thought that maybe he needed some liquid courage to open up.

“Hey Jae. Want a drink?”

It took him 3 beers to finally loosen up and show you his dimpled grin again. You were sitting on the floor, facing each other and feeling comfortable in the ambience of the room. A Spotify playlist was playing in the background so it would fill up the awkward silence but wouldn’t distract you from your conversation.

“Wait wait wait. So you sleep without a pillowcase?”

“Yeah, didn’t you notice it when you came to my place yesterday?”

“I thought you forgot to do your laundry!”

His laugh was resonating and deep and manly. It made his eyes disappear and his face light up, not that it didn’t anyway - the guy could easily be a skin care ambassador, and you made a mental note to ask him about his moisturizer later.

You followed his gaze to one of your walls. Pictures were filling it up, memories of yourself and your siblings, of your friends from home that you missed, of Johnny and Jungwoo. You felt a little insecure then, comparing them to Jaehyun’s countless medals and awards.

“I’m not good at sports like you, so I have nothing else to hang on my wall”, you laughed awkwardly but he shook his head.

“No, I’m actually jealous of you. Everyone always seems to want to be around you”

“Except Yuta”

“Yuta’s an idiot, then. You are way out of his league anyways.”

You felt yourself turning into a blushing mess and looked for a way to break the awkward silence that followed his comment.

“Wanna share another one?” you asked him, shaking the empty beer bottle on your hand and he nodded. You started getting up when you felt him put a hand on your shoulder and pick up the bottles you had finished up from the table himself. He rinsed them off and put them away to the recycling bag next to your sink, the domesticity of the action making you melt. You watched as he stood on his tiptoes to reach a lager from the top drawer of your fridge, revealing a defined set of abs and two cute dimples on his lower back. You ripped your eyes away immediately, like you were caught doing something illegal, and he walked back to his spot next to you. As soon as he sat down, he groaned and threw his head back.

“The bottle opener was on the kitchen counter. I forgot to bring it”

Without saying a word, you took the beer from his hand and placed the cap in your mouth. It was a party trick that your older brother had taught you when you were 15. After finding a stable indentation on your teeth, you manipulate the rough edges of the cap and pop the beer open. You return the glass bottle to Jaehyun, who’s looking at you incredulously.

“Fuck me, that was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen”, he breaths out and you feel your whole face burning up. You opened and closed your mouth a couple times, trying to register that someone like him thought you were hot, when you felt your phone vibrating, saving you from further embarrassing yourself.

Johnny’s picture lit up on the screen and you mentally prepared yourself for the following conversation. You and Jaehyun decided against telling anyone about your relationship being fake. It’s not that your best friend wasn’t reliable, but if you told Johnny you had to tell Jungwoo, and Jungwoo doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut to save his life.

“John, what’s up”

“Eyy chica what took you so long?”

You looked at Jaehyun who had leaned back against the pillow of your couch and sipped on the beer you would share.

“Yeah sorry I was a little busy”

“Busy.. with Jaehyun?”

You tried to sound as nonchalant as possible, but you were still trying to recover from the previous incident.

“Yeah, he’s here”

“Ohh I see, little y/n can’t get enough of Jae’s slam dunks.. I bet he’s teaching you the bank shot, the opening tip, the double dribble, the fast break, the palming.. he sure is great for a rebound-”

You interrupted him, growing tired of his nonstop basketball innuendos.

“Why did you call me Johnny?”

“Damn, sorry, I just wanted to ask you what you wanted for your birthday”

Shit, you forgot about that.

“Just get me whatever, I don’t care, you know how much I hate celebrating anyways. I’ll get the cake myself, so no surprises”

Jaehyun lifted his brows and waited patiently for your call to end before asking:

“What are we celebrating?”

“It’s my birthday on Friday. I’m going to invite a couple people over and Johnny’s already stressing over it. Don’t worry, though, you don’t have to come”

“How can your boyfriend not come to your birthday party?”

You laugh bitterly.

“Well, it’s not like Yuta came last year. To any of my parties for that matter”

“Well, he must have made up to you somehow? Got you a very special gift or something?”

“If you count eating me out as a gift then yes. It was very rare indeed.”

You took the beer from him and took a sip yourself. You noticed he had his eyes glued on his phone, his expression gloomy.

“Is everything okay?”

He snapped out of it at the sound of your voice and turned his phone screen towards you.

It was Naeun, or rather a post on her instagram account. She had her tongue out in the picture, hugging two guys that were unfamiliar to you. You read the caption.

“One day the loser will realize that the diamond he thinks he’s playing with is actually a rock”

Jaehyun mumbled an apology. I guess he thought that you’d be a bit offended being called a ‘rock’ but you were actually feeling satisfied. Your fake relationship had managed to get her attention, and for Jaehyun’s sake, you wanted to rub it in her face even more.

You opened your camera app and placed your phone on the table next to you. He figured what you wanted to do so he sat up straighter and motioned to his lap. You’d normally be a bit hesitant to sit on him if it wasn’t for the two beers and your determination, that had fired up again due to Naeun’s words. Leaning back a bit, you set up the self-timer and he put his hands on your hips to stabilize you.

You had agreed on turning up the boldness of your pics, so you placed your hands on his neck, right under his jawline. He snaked his hands upwards and wrapped them around your waist, bringing you even closer. His eyes were glossy from the alcohol and he looked at you with an impressive calmness, considering the intimacy of your position. It seemed like he was waiting for something, the ticking of the timer urging you to take things a bit further and he nodded, as if giving you permission. You leaned in, and pressed your lips on the corner of his mouth, like you couldn’t decide on kissing his dimple or his lips.

After hearing the click you climbed down from his lap, and prayed that the photo came out in focus. Your heart couldn’t handle another retake. From the angle of the camera, it seemed like you were a couple in love, sharing a sweet kiss on the lips. You added a cute caption and tagged him, so he could repost it later on his own account.

It hadn’t been 5 minutes before your phone lit up.

yutassan replied to your story: what the fuck?

You smiled triumphantly and showed the message to Jaehyun, who laughed at Yuta’s reaction. He gave you an excuse about some forgotten homework and how it was late and he has to go.

“Remember, I’ll pick you up tomorrow from class, so wait for me”

After he left, you thought about your almost kiss and the dimples of his back for way too long.

——————————————————

You exited the classroom with a growing headache. The lesson today seemed extra boring, and all you could think about was that you had to convince Johnny that it really took just three days for Jaehyun and you to officially start dating.

As promised, the pair waited for you at the end of the hallway, your best friend looking at the two of you expectantly. Jaehyun was a good actor, you thought, as he approached you before you got to reach them, meeting you halfway.

“Hey baby”, he smiled at you, the nickname turning your legs into jelly. He wrapped one arm around your shoulder, and kissed your cheek sweetly, making Johnny coo at the two of you.

“I can’t believe that I hadn’t thought about pairing the two of you together earlier”

He must have thought that the awkward body language and the silence that fell was a sign from you and Jae to leave you alone. He excused himself, saying something about “letting the young lovers swim in the pool of their love”, or something along those lines.

The two of you walked together, following the road to your next class that was just a few buildings away.

“So how has class, baby

You rolled your eyes at the insistent nickname, “you know that Johnny left us, like, 5 minutes ago, right?”

“Let me enjoy itttt”, he whined, “Naeun never let me call her anything like that”

“Why is that?”

He looked at his feet moving and frowned in thought.

“She said I was embarrassing her in front of her friends. I think she just didn’t want other guys to know that we were together”

You felt a pang of sadness and you realized that it always followed any conversation you two had about his and Naeun’s relationship.

“Well then if you call me baby, I can will you honey. Or sugarplum. Or pumpkin pie. Or-“

It was startling how fast Jaehyun pressed you up against the wall. In just a moment, he had put his hands on your waist, burying his face in your hair. You shivered when you felt his breath as he spoke against your neck.

“Yuta’s watching us”

All you could do was stay frozen in place, and listen with wide eyes.

“Huh?”

He chuckled at your response, but he replied patiently.

“Yuta? Your ex? He’s right over there. Figured we should give him a show”

And with that, he kissed you. Everything was happening so fast, that you could barely comprehend that Jaehyun, that was a stranger in the past weekend, was now making out with you at the hall, for everyone to see.

And that included Yuta.

You opened your eyes in the kiss and searched for him, spotting him with his frat buddies. His eyes were piercing through the two of you, and you saw Mark holding him back by the shoulder. The look on his face was priceless.

Jaehyun pulled back and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Thank you”, you whispered, “but I need one more favor”

“Anything baby”

“Slap my ass as we walk away”

Sure enough, Jaehyun took your hand and you continue your walk, momentarily stopping to make eye contact with Yuta and give you a little spank. It was something your ex loved doing on the rare occasion you two met up outside of your dorms, no matter how public the setting. You heard Mark yelling something at his ‘Yuta hyung’ and that’s when you thought, your plan just might work.

———————————————————

You didn’t see Jaehyun until your birthday. It was just a small get together, but your place was starting to get a bit crowded as time went by. Johnny had been suffocating you with hugs ever since he got there, reminiscing the time you met as teenagers and calling you an old lady. Jungwoo on the other hand couldn’t stop asking about Jaehyun. You kept making excuses about how he didn’t feel so good today and might not make it. You didn’t expect him to come, of course. Just because you had agreed on fake dating, it didn’t mean that he had any obligation to be present in all your social events. The loving message he left on your Facebook wall was enough to fulfill the purpose of your current relationship.

That is why, when you heard a knock on your door, the last thing you thought you’d see was Jaehyun holding a dozen of red roses.

“Happy birthday baby!”, he exclaimed and gave you a kiss on your cheek,

“I asked Johnny about your favorite flowers, hope we got it right”

Feeling speechless, you took the roses from his hands and inhaled their sweet scent. You were dumbfounded that he actually came, and even brought you a present. You thanked him for coming, and he repeated the same thing he said back at your place, “how could your boyfriend miss your birthday?”

And even you were fooled, momentarily, when he held you by the waist later that night and sang you happy birthday. You blew your candles and all you could wish for was a love like the one Jaehyun was faking for you. He helped you clean up, and was more than willing to socialize with all of your friends. You admired how well he fitted in your social circle, already friends with Johnny and Jungwoo, yet so nice that even people he met for the first time came to love him.

You were sitting on one of your dining chairs, your two best friends already passed out on your couch. They had brought two bottles of vodka and your favorite tequila, but you weren’t in the mood to drink. You couldn’t help but remember the time when you practically begged Yuta to be there on your special day and he still missed it. You were scared that if you got a little drunk you would text him, or worse, call him, his sweet talk bringing you back to him all over again.

The only sounds resonating through your apartment were Jungwoo’s light snoring and a chill Spotify playlist playing from your laptop. A familiar tune came on, and you recognized it being ‘Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby’ by Cigarettes After Sex. You immediately looked at Jaehyun, the only conscious person still at the party other than you. He threw his head back and sighed contently at the sound of his favorite song. You saw him get up and walk over to you, reaching his hand out.

“Will the birthday girl spare me a dance?”

You slow danced in the middle of your living room, ending the night in the sweetest note. Jaehyun always felt so stable, so safe. You wondered how he got himself tangled up in that mess of a relationship with Naeun. Maybe it was the way he treated people with such kindness, void of any prejudice. Maybe he was a little bit like you, and didn’t think he deserved much.

“She’s crazy” you mumble against his chest, his confused hum making you feel the vibration on your face.

“Naeun. She’s crazy for ever cheating on someone like you. You’re perfect”

“I have my flaws”

You thought about how competitive he got when you played beer pong earlier, how his ears get red when he gets embarrassed, how he shows his dimpled smile in apology when he’s late. His love for drinking and how it makes him more honest, his trust in people that must have gotten him hurt many, many times. You liked them all, you loved them all.

“It’s just so hard for someone not to fall in love with you”

———————————————————

And that’s how the days went by with Jaehyun. You met up almost every day, in restaurants for a nice dinner, or hanging out in each other’s dorm. It was so much fun getting to spend time with him, that you sometimes forgot to make your meetup public on social media. You helped him with his math homework, and he helped you dye your hair. You even went to his basketball game, and he dedicated one of his goals to you, following every teen movie cliche.

You felt a little sad how it was all falling to an end. The plan was successful, for the most part. Naeun had asked Jaehyun to meet up later tonight, talk things through. You wished he wouldn’t go back to her, but you knew you had no real say in his love life. Yuta saw that he didn’t own you, that there were people like Jaehyun that were willing to give you what your ex had promised you, but wasn’t able to give. Well, not really, you reminded yourself. Jaehyun was faking it. You shouldn’t let yourself get lost in the fairytale, even if the past two weeks were some of the best of your life. He had proposed that you claim that the reason for your upcoming ‘breakup’ was differences in character, but you decided to stay friends. You were happy that at least, in the midst of all this mess, you met someone like him.

It was Saturday, a day before the frat party. You had invited him over, celebrate the end of your relationship with some pizza and a movie.

The movie was boring, but Jaehyun made you laugh. It reminded you of the first time the two of you met up alone. You had gotten comfy on your couch, sharing popcorn when you noticed. A huge bruise was peeking out from Jaehyun’s tank top, the dark color contrasting against his porcelain skin.

“What the hell?!” you exclaimed and scooted closer to him. You rushed your hands on his chest, your fingers pushing the fabric aside to examine the bruise. You found even more bruises scattered around it, accompanied with scratches that stretched longer than his top could.

“It was from the game the other day”, he tried to excuse, but you weren’t buying it.

“Jae, I was there. You played basketball, not WWE. Now who did this to you?”

He sighed and fidgeted with a loose string on his jeans, clearly uncomfortable.

“When I caught Naeun with my roommate, and broke up with her, she didn’t take it very well”

You kept staring at him, urging him to continue.

“She started calling me names, saying that she’s the best I’ll ever have. That I’m worthless without her, just a social climber trying to mooch off of her popularity”

He motioned on his torso, “When I kicked her out of my place, this happened”

“Is that the first time she acted violent?”

He shook his head. “Pretty much every time she didn’t get her way”

“Jae”, you started, placing your hands on top of his “this is abuse. Have you ever talked to anyone about it?”

“It’s- it’s nothing. It’s embarrassing”

“No it’s not! Abuse is not exclusive to any gender! Guys get affected by it too!”

“It’s embarrassing because I know I can physically stop her but I don’t”

His eyes were starting to water, the sight was heartbreaking. “I sit there frozen and just take it”

“Why?”

“Because part of me believes her. That I’m hopeless without someone like her, dictating what I can and cannot do. I don’t need a shrink to tell me that it’s sick. I have these bruises to remind me”

You were starting to get angry. Angry at that bitch for hurting him, angry at Jaehyun who puts up with it, angry at you, for not seeing past the obvious like everyone else.

“I’m not letting you go see her tonight”

He laughs at you, putting up an invisible barrier between you.

“Not letting me? Wake up y/n! We’re not a real couple, remember? We’re just faking it to satisfy our selfish needs. This whole thing is pointless”

He stormed to the door and you tried to stop him, but he was too riled up for that.

“You’re going to forget about me as soon as this whole circus is over, just like everyone else”

“How can you accuse me like that when you haven’t even let me be a part of your life for real?”

“Because now you’ve met me. Me. With all my ugly, all my fucking bruises. Is it still so hard not to fall in love with me?”

With that, he closed your door with a bang, not even letting you answer that yes, it was impossible not to fall in love with Jung Jaehyun.

———————————————————

History seemed to repeat itself, as you got a text from him the next morning, that you didn’t expect.

jaehyunnie: let’s meet outside of the frat at 10:30, i’ll bring the booze.

And that’s what you did, showing up with your shortest skirt, spotting Jaehyun sitting a few meters from the frat’s entrance. He was laying against the wall, his eyes red, and he gave you the same smile he always did when he saw you, as if your fight yesterday never happened.

“Hey baby” he said and pulled you in for a hug. You couldn’t resist the invitation, and felt yourself melting in his embrace. He smelled like weed and shower gel.

It was nice, how he proclaimed your truce, but you still had to get something off your chest.

“Listen, Jae, about last night, you were right. This whole thing is pointless. We can go home, if you want”

“No baby”, he started and pulled away just enough to look at you. His eyes were droopy but glancing back at you with such care as he moved a strand of hair out of your face, “we’re here to have fun”

You wondered why he was still willing to come to the party with you as your boyfriend. Maybe he wanted to do you one last favor with Yuta, or maybe he wasn’t done indulging in Naeun’s petty games. You looked at his forearms, noticing a few scratches that weren’t there yesterday.

“I’m guessing you and Naeun didn’t make up last night”

He shook his head, and rubbed his hands on your back, keeping your temper down.

“Did you get in a fight?”

“Something like that”

You didn’t know what came over you. It was anger and protectiveness, possessiveness even. You laced your fingers in his locks, letting his head rest against the wall. If Naeun wanted you to speak in her language, then so be it.

You started kissing his neck, on that part on the side that is tender and sensitive. You heard passerbys whistling at the two of you, seemingly getting it on in public. Your licks and sucks weren’t meant for pleasure though, you had a goal and that was to leave a bruise. A statement for Naeun.

You walked in the building hand in hand and followed Jae to the kitchen, where he poured you a drink out of the bottle he brought along. Looking around, you sensed a couple familiar faces staring back at you from the crowd. Taeyong from class, Mark and Ten, and last but not least, Naeun. You downed the drink in one shot and lead Jaehyun to the dance floor.

He put his hands on your hips, and swayed you at the sound of some club song you weren’t familiar with. You ground your ass against him and he hissed, keeping you close against him. A little voice in your head was screaming how this isn’t real, to him this is all pretend, but you ignored it. You wanted her to think that he was yours, that she couldn’t hurt him anymore.

“Why are you doing this to me y/n? Yuta’s not even around”

Jae turned you around, and you put your hands on his shoulders. He looked absolutely breathtaking tonight. You searched his face for a flaw, yet couldn’t find any. You wouldn’t change a single thing on him.

“She’s here” you said venomously.

He buried his face in your neck, inhaling the smell of your hair and trying to ground himself from his high. “I don’t give a fuck about Naeun”

He kissed your ear and your mind fogged up even more.

“She didn’t ask me to meet up yesterday, I did. I wanted to tell her that she and I were done, for good. I thought she wouldn’t be here tonight, but I guess she changed her mind”

What?

“Then why are you here? And why did you let me give you that big ass hickey?”

He stopped nibbling on your ear, and whispered to it instead.

“I’d never miss up on a chance to feel yours”

The bodies dancing next to you, the liquer you had downed a few minutes ago and Jaehyun’s words were getting too much to handle. You felt suffocated, unable to distinguish where reality ended and pretending began with you two.

“Jae, I need a moment, excuse me”

Releasing yourself from his grasp, you made your way to the kitchen. There wasn’t any fresh air, but there was plenty of booze. You poured yourself a shot and as you downed it, you felt another liquid trickling down your top.

You looked up to find out who managed to make this night even worse for you, only to come across the last person you needed to see tonight. Yuta.

“Shit I’m sorry”, he muttered and you avoided eye contact, thinking you’d manage to get away without him realizing it was you. Luck wasn’t on your side tonight.

“Well well well. Long time no see.”

Confidence was dripping from his smile, to his stance, to the way he looked at you. He had dyed his hair your favorite color, his white locks begging to be tugged and played with. To top it all off, he smelled good, so, so good. He smelled dangerous. Comfortable.

You immediately realized that you didn’t have the self control needed to resist him. Turning on your heel, you started to get the hell out of there when he held your wrist, keeping you in place.

“Wait, I’m sorry, you can’t stay like this, you’ll catch a cold”

“Since when are you worried about me?”

“C’mon y/n, please. Come upstairs, I’ll give you a clean shirt. No funny business, I promise”

You hated yourself for this, but you followed him upstairs to his room, like a pray falling right into the hunter’s trap. He closed the door behind him, muting the loud music and you sat on his bed that you were so familiar with. Looking through his closet, he passed you one of his t-shirts, and turned around to let you change with some privacy. It was comical how chivalrous he was acting, considering the unspeakable things you’ve done in here.

“Not like you’ll see something you haven’t seen already”, you murmured and he chuckled, raising his hands.

“Hey, I’m a gentleman. It’s my fault, after all. I have a habit of getting you wet.”

Blushing at his comment, you quickly changed into the clean shirt and felt the bed dip next to you. You thanked him under your breath and started getting up, when you felt him hold you back once again.

“Stay, just a moment. I’ve missed you”

“What do you want?”

“You, baby”

Yuta was the one who said it, but you swore you felt Jaehyun’s voice reverberating through the nickname. Suddenly, it felt like there was no air for you to breathe.

“That’s not happening, Yuta. I’m with Jaehyun now”

He scoffed, “Jaehyun? Naeun’s puppy? Come on now, we both know you can do better than that”

“Don’t talk about him like that”, you bite back, but he doesn’t budge.

“What kind of boyfriend leaves his girl alone in a party like this?” He grips your chin, making you stare at him face to face, impossibly close. “Look at you. Every single guy in this party wants to fuck you. You expect me to be ok with this?”

Yuta lets his other hand glide on your knee, moving up to your thigh slowly. He smiled at how easy it was to focus on him.

“Do you remember how I made you feel? How I reminded you that you’re mine? You were moaning so loud, Mark thought you’d pass out. You loved it.”

You wanted to scream, tell him that this was the past you, that you couldn’t take going back to him once again and get your heart broken one more time, but you felt helpless around him. The warm feeling was only temporary, it would soon evaporate when you face the fact that to him, you are nothing but a play toy, a possession.

And that’s when Jaehyun barged in through the door. His eyes moved frantically from Yuta’s hands on your thighs, to his band tee you wore, to your discarded top on the floor. He quickly turned red, the color spreading from his neck to his face, then landing on his ears.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing with my girlfriend?”

You instantly got up, following his thought sequence.

“It’s not what it looks like! He spilled his drink on me and gave me a clean shirt and..and..”

“And you decided to sit on his lap to thank him?”, he mocked you and Yuta laughed.

“Calm down, dude. I didn’t make her do anything. Besides, it’s not the first time y/n found her way over here after some disappointing dick”

Jaehyun grabbed him by the collar and pulled him up from the bed, forcing him to stand and face him. You moved between the two, trying to stop the catastrophe that was about to happen. Jae might have more muscle power than Yuta, but if the whole frat ganged up on him he would have to leave this place in a stretcher.

“Jaehyun please, let’s just go. Baby, please”

The nickname was the only thing that brought him out of his rage and made him listen to you. He let go of Yuta and took your hand, dragging you out of the room.

You were two hallways down when you pulled away, forcing him to stop.

“Why did you have to get so mad?”

“Why the fuck did you go back to him?”

“I didn’t! It was just.. so hard for me to tell him no”

You felt your eyes water with how pathetic you sounded. Jaehyun rubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration.

“Don’t you understand how much it fucking hurts? To see you with that guy that treats you like shit when I’m right here, willing to give you everything? When I’m in love with you?”

You couldn’t process what he said because in a moment, his mouth was on yours. The kiss was so different than the one you shared at the hallway of your campus. It was passionate, it was rough, and this time, he monopolized your attention. His lips were determined to bruise into yours, leaving you breathless and causing your back to fall against a wall. It was crowded around you, eyes prying into your intimate moment but to you, the only person around was Jaehyun.

“You smell like him”, he growled, sucking on the tender spot under your ear, “makes me wanna fuck his scent off of you”

That was all you needed to hear. You led him to the frat’s guest room, knowing that Taeil always kept a spare key in the lamp next to the door. Unlocking the door seemed like a tour de force with Jaehyun leaving open mouthed kisses on your neck, but you finally managed to stumble inside. You locked the door behind you, continuing your heated kiss, hands roaming around each other’s body.

He was taller than you, so when you felt him grab your ass with such eagerness, you almost lifted off the ground. You palmed him through his jeans, the roughness of his hard on making your panties stick from wetness just a bit more.

“I want to taste you” you managed through kisses, but he just unzipped your skirt as a response, pulling it to the floor in one hasty move. Petting your clit through your underwear, a shiver ran down your spine, spreading goosebumps all over your arms and legs.

“I don’t think I have the patience for that”

He walked you backwards towards the guest bed, taking his pants and shirt off along the way. You sat on the edge of it and admired his godly proportions, when you took notice of the bruises and scratches that led to your fight on Saturday. Suddenly feeling the need to slow down, you started leaving kisses over each and every one of them. You wanted him to trust you, give in to you completely. He had his flaws just like he said, but you wanted all of him. And you wanted him now.

“I need you, now”, you voiced your thoughts and helped him take off his boxers, revealing his hard cock. He was thick and decently long, making your mouth water and your pussy clench.

Towering on top of you, he removed your panties that were embarrassingly damp at this point, and by his smirk, you knew he noticed.

Jaehyun bent your legs next to your torso, making you expose all of you. He licked his lips as he dove into your lower ones, muttering praises about your “pretty pussy”, turning you impossibly wet.

Jung Jaehyun never disappoints, you thought, because the moment you felt the first lap over your sensitive bud, you got a taste of heaven. He alternated between licking and sucking over the spot that turned you into putty against him. You were already unbearably turned on at this point, and the changing pace of his tongue made you lose your mind.

Your pants and moans only seemed to urge him on, and after a few minutes of his careful treatment you felt yourself getting close. He must have sensed it, because when you grabbed the bedpost in an effort to stop shaking, he stood on his knees, and reached for a condom in his wallet.

You didn’t have time to complain about the denial of your orgasm, and started taking Yuta’s shirt off, when he grabbed your hands and placed them back on their previous position on the headboard.

“Don’t”, he said sternly as he lined himself up your entrance, “I want to fuck you in his shirt”

There was no time to think about whether his request was healthy or not, because when you felt him stretch you out, the only thing on your mind was him and his dick.

You let out a deep moan and he took it as a sign to screw himself deeper inside you. Your pussy gushed uncontrollably, filling the room with the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin. You unlaced your fingers and ran them down his back, ghosting them over the dimples that had affected you so much.

Jaehyun lowered himself, letting his chest touch yours, and you could feel his abs contracting over the fabric of Yuta’s shirt.

“I bet he’s never eaten you out like that, yeah?”

“N-no, never, ahh”

He sat up again, putting your legs over his shoulders and lifted your butt off the mattress, gripping your hips to steady himself before continuing his incredible pace.

“You’re mine, aren’t you baby? Mine to give you everything.”

The position felt divine. He was hitting it incredibly deep, reaching the spot that had you moaning so loud you were thankful for the unbearably loud music of the party. You were sure his fingers would leave a mark over your hipbones but you didn’t care, the pain only accentuating the warm feeling in your belly.

“J-Jae don’t stop - fuck don’t stop I’m gonna cum”

He leaned over, grabbing your face that was contorting in pleasure.

“Look at me when you cum for me”, he demanded, and when you rolled your eyes behind your head, letting go, he let out his first moan for the night.

He kissed your lips sweetly, helping you ride out your high.

“You’re so beautiful, my baby. So, so beautiful”, he praised and you submitted fully to him. He turned your body around, positioning you in all fours, and you wondered where the gentle boy you met at Johnny’s house went. His dick buried in you once again, spreading your juices around and the sensitivity of your previous orgasm made you aware of every single inch.

“So fucking tight”

Jaehyun didn’t go easy on you. He saw how much you liked it, how you were pushing your ass against his cock. He pounded in and out of you with the intention of fucking your thoughts out, and that’s just what he did. When the feeling got too much, and making any sort of noise seemed like a feat, you felt him push your hair back, and start biting on your neck, most definitely leaving a mark.

“I’m gonna cum. Fuck, I’m gonna cum”, he muttered, his voice wavering and you felt him release in the condom inside you.

It took a while for the both of you to regain your breaths. Jaehyun’s chest was heaving up and down as you rest your head on top of it, not brave enough to break the silence.

“I’m sorry”, he finally said and started petting your hair lovingly.

“About what?”

The bed was foreign and small but you both stayed still, wanting to bask a little more in the peacefulness of the moment.

“About getting so possessive, and saying all these things out of jealousy. I acted just like him..”

You kissed his left peck, listening to his heart that was starting to beat in a faster pace.

“Jaehyun, you’re nothing like Yuta. I get how you felt, I feel the same way when I think about you with Naeun”

He took your hand that was resting on his abs and planted a kiss on your palm. Your heart did a flip and you were pressed so close together, he sure must have felt it.

“I should have told you about her sooner. About the fights and how I let her go because of you. I was in denial about my feelings for you because-“

He stopped mid sentence, wary of the way his words would come off to you. Jaehyun was a proud man, but he opened up his heart tonight, admitting he was in love with you. He had already exposed so much of himself that you gave him the time he needed to organize his thoughts.

“Because I was insecure. That you would never like someone like me. That Naeun was right. That you were only interested in playing pretend with me and didn’t mean any of the things you said, and I let myself get carried away in a lie”

You and Jaehyun were two lost souls, trying to break free from the constraints your insecurities built up for you. You didn’t have to succumb to your masochistic tendencies anymore, wasting your time in heartless lovers because now you found him and he found you. Both unable to see any value in themselves, but more that willing to treasure the other. And that was enough for you.

“I’d be honored to be loved by someone like you. Baby.”

[cinnamonrusts]

sparda twins -- reactions

The Sparda twins reactions that you're pregnant with not just one, but two of their children.

DANTE-

You paced the bathroom several times as you gnawed on your thumbnail. Your eyes did not leave the plastic stick that was sitting on the edge of the sink near the toilet. The packaging read that results would be ready in five minutes, but the wait had it feeling like five hours.

Dante had left on a run for some take out and you knew that it was all the way across town, so it left you some free time to figure out your "little" situation. You hadn't told him anything. How could you? The two of you were not in an exactly "family friendly" business. Last thing Dante would need to worry about was a mini Sparda.

You had enough of waiting and snatched the test from the counter. Your eyes narrowed as they fixated on the single horizontal pink line, but widened when it turned into a plus. The blood in your body ran cold and your throat grew dry. It was as if the + sign mocked you and your stomach felt sick. You knew it would happen, Dante called himself the pull out king. Yeah - fucking - right, and this proved him to be very wrong.

The evidence needed to be disposed of, so you wrapped it several times in some toilet paper and shoved it in the trash can. Dante hardly took the trash out and it would be unlikely that he would decide to scour the garbage, so you felt safe. Now all you would have to do is just keep it a secret until you decided how to approach it.

It didn't last long and soon Nico was on the other end of the phone. She let out a happy, "'Eller!" but was greeted by a loud sob along with unintelligible babble. "Woah! Woah! [Y/N], you gotta repeat yourself. I couldn't make out a damn thing! You okay?" the brunette asked, concerned. "I'M PREGNANT!" your sobs now made sense. "Oh, shit," she replied. "Yeah, oh shit is right."

"Did you tell Dante yet?"

You scoffed, "No. I don't think I can," as you spoke on the phone in the kitchen, your eyes fixed on a photo on the fridge of you and your devil hunter boyfriend. The two of you looked so happy and Dante's smile was so bright, the vibes that radiated from the picture kind of gave you some assurance. Maybe Dante would react well to the news and maybe he'd give the same smile of glee at the idea of being a father.

"But you're going to have to at some point. How you goin' to explain a giant belly here in a few months?" Nico was right, there was no way around it. You pinched the bridge of your nose and closed your eyes tight, "Could you maybe -- I dunno, take me to the doctor?" Nico replied, "I'll be there in a jiff!"

Just as you hung up, Dante walked in with two large bags that smelled of Chinese food. "Food is here and beer is in the fridge!" he waddled into the kitchen and his happy expression turned to one of concern when he noticed you looked upset. "Hey, darlin', you alright?" he set the bags down on the floor and slid to your side, his arms around your waist. His musk along with the heavy smell of greasy Chinese food almost threw you over the edge and caused you to gag. You placed your hand on his chest to prevent him from getting closer. His brows furrowed as he tried to understand what was wrong but the loud horn of Nico's van interrupted. "I'm going out with Nico. I'll be back," you brushed past him, grabbed your coat, and dashed out the door.

You were able to take a breath once you jumped into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut. Your head rested on the back of the seat and your eyes closed, "Thanks for the ride." Nico placed a hand on your thigh and nodded, "No problem, girlfriend."

Several hours passed and you weren't home yet. Dante's mind raced with different things he could've done to make you so upset. Was it because he hadn't taken the trash out? He would do that soon. Was it because he hadn't shown his appreciation for you relationship lately? He would go tonight to get you some flowers. So, the man did just that. Dante took the overflowed trash out. Then he made sure to hurry, so, that he would be home before you. Dante chose a bouquet of white roses and a goofy card. The card had two hot dogs on the front who held hands with smiles on their faces. It read, "Hot dog! You make me happy!" Dante got a kick out of it and figured you would too. The devil hunter wrote a quick, cheesy blurb in a scribbled mess and signed with his name plus a heart.

He opened the door and was surprised to see you in a chair near the entrance. You seemed to be in a trance and were startled by Dante’s sudden appearance. “I got you these!” he handed his gifts over but his happiness was dropped when you didn’t seem very happy to receive them.

“Dante, I have something I need to tell you.” you found it hard to keep your eyes on his. “Well, here it goes---,” your nose inhaled, then exhaled deeply, “I’m pregnant.”

Dante’s face was void of emotion before he burst into laughter. You grew angry and your facial expressions matched it. “That’s a good one, babe. Whew!,” he clapped his hands and winced a bit with his hand on his side, “Ow! That laugh made me pull a muscle.”

“I’m serious, Dante. I’m pregnant.” you reiterated. “With --- emotion?” he asked as his eyes shifted side to side.

“What? No! With a baby!”

Once Dante heard it for the third time, he realized it all. He was going to be a father and you were going to be the one who would usher in another lineage of the Sparda bloodline. Dante rushed to your side and took a knee as he kneeled beside you. His palm immediately made its way to your stomach as he pictured the life that was within. “Hey there, little buddy.” You cleared your throat into a closed fist which drew his attention to your face. Your right hand raised slowly and you twiddled your two first fingers in the air with a small smile.

That same grin that shined in the photo on your fridge grew across his lips. Both of his hands grabbed either side of your lower torso and he stared at your stomach. “You mean, there’s two of me in there?!” His expressions were warm and overjoyed, relief crashed over you as this situation turned out better than you thought. 

“I’m gonna really need to get outta debt.”

VERGIL-

Your body spoke to you and told you that something was going on. Every morning you felt ill and you could devour anything in sight until nausea overtook you. Lady asked if there was any possibility that you could be pregnant. A snort left your nostrils, “Impossible. Vergil and I don’t have sex enough for that to happen.” your mate was normally not home, you often slept in an empty bed more than one occupied by his strong body. But anytime he was, the act of intimacy could tear the walls down of his brother’s building. He was a focused and controlled man, he knew what he needed to do to prevent another child in his life. You were okay with that, your job was not one that was prime for being a parent. So, there was no doubt in your mind that this was nothing but a simple stomach bug.

“I don’t know, all your symptoms point to it, [Y/N]. Maybe you should take a test,” she attempted to reason with you and you eventually gave in.

The entire time you played it off as just something you did for Lady so that she would get off your back about it. You sat on the closed toilet lid and held the test loosely in between your fingers. The box read that it would take about ten minutes for a result, so you avoided looking at it until roughly around that. But your heart dropped into your stomach when the test did not read negative, but positive. “Shit --- Lady was right.” your cursed and your head dropped between your knees as your mind raced.

Vergil just found out that he had a son, Nero, and now you would throw him the information that he would have now an infant on the way. It was a conversation that you did not want to have. Vergil was a reserved man who did not show you his emotions often or expressed them publicly. You knew he loved you but it took quite sometime for him to open up to you about the fact. He put back his one track set mind toward power and made you a priority in his life. However, he had issues with being around his brother, son, and the other’s -- so he often went off on his own. You learned that this was something he wanted and you did not want to force yourself to go with him always. 

So, this news would not be easy to break to him when he would return in about a week. With the test clenched in your hand, you opened the door to leave the bathroom to only be greeted by Lady who was leaned against the walls with arms crossed. “So, what’s the prognosis?” she pushed herself from the wall and followed you as you pushed past her. You tossed the test into the air with your fingers and she caught it, “What do you think?” you answered before she was able to see for herself. The female was shocked to see that she was correct but didn’t want to say that she told you so.

You were about to slam your room door shut but her boot stopped it, “What’re you going to tell Vergil?” Your back was turned toward her and you faced the window as you observed the rain that pattered against the window. “Fuck if I know. How do you tell someone like him that he’s going to be a father... again.” Lady was silent, you turned on your heels to face her, “Exactly.”

Lady took your hand in hers and gave you a comforting smile, “Hey, he won’t be home for like what-- another week? Let’s get you to the doctor, we’ll figure something out.” You smiled faintly in return, “You’re a hell of a lady, Lady,” she batted her eyelashes, “Oh, I know.~”

A Week Later --

Lady was in your room with you and the door was closed, the two of you spoke of your plan of how you would drop the bomb on your half demon boyfriend.

“Do you really think Vergil will accept it?” you asked just as the white haired man opened the door, “Accept what?” he asked coolly. Lady closed her mouth and first looked at Vergil, then to you, “I’ll just let you guys have some alone time,” she slinked past the Sparda man and closed the door behind her. His gaze never left you and his strong features were unmoved.

You attempted to embrace him as you wrapped your arms around his neck but he gave you a slight push away before you could place a kiss on his cheek. “Will you tell me what you were talking about?” You bit your lower lip and hesitated to confess to him. Vergil took hold of your chin with his fingertips, “Speak.”

You swallowed hard, his blue eyes did not waver and they were just so beautiful that you couldn’t hold it in any longer. “I’m --- pregnant,” you whispered. It was like time moved to slow motion, Vergil observed each syllable that came from your lips. Pregnant? Pregnant. Pregnant.

 A twitch in Vergil’s furrowed brows caught your attention, it proceeded to twitch several times before he closed his eyes and released his grip on your chin. “How?” You shrugged, “I thought we were careful every time, even with our more adventurous hookups.” He didn’t speak and just listened, “Why?”

“Why?” you repeated, “That’s what happens, Vergil. I can’t really make it anymore clear.” As per usual, you couldn’t read him and his thoughts were a mystery to you.

“So, I’ll be a father once again. At least I’m currently aware of this one.” he sighed.

“Two,” you interjected. It was as if you could see his ears perk up when you mentioned a number higher than he assumed. “Two? Another set of Sparda twins...” he was quiet before you could see a small smile on his lips. Vergil called for you to come to him, which you obeyed.

He wrapped his right arm around your upper half. His left hand rested on your stomach with a loved filled touch. His chin rested on top of your head as he imagined what they looked like and what life would be like in several months.

He thought to himself, maybe -- just maybe -- he truly deserved a happy life, despite all the things he had done. He now felt a stronger urge to want to be around you, the babies, and even Dante more. 

“Do I deserve this happiness, [Y/N]?” 

Your hand rested on his that was still on your stomach, “Of course. You always have.”

[caffienemocha]

Sakusa x Male!Reader

WARNING! angst (then fluff), cursing, 18+

It was never the same for you and Sakusa. Since he's one of the most famous volleyball players of Japan, he has to attend games, his practice, everything that comes to mind of a celebrity

He always comes home late, sleeps with you, and again, gone before you ever wake up. It's the feeling of your lover left you all alone.

One day, you asked him about taking a break and give you some attention. But this turns into a heated argument.

"Sakusa, can you please take a break? I miss you, and...you don't give me that much attention."

"No, I have to go for my practice and I have an appointment with my manager. I'll be back around 11pm. Don't stay up too late." He replied.

"S-Sakusa..is your c-celebrity life more important than me..?" You choked on your own words.

He gave you a sigh and just shaked his head while walking out the door.

You held his wrist, tightly. "Sakusa! Please, don't leave me all alone again!"

He turns around with the eyes of a person giving you the warning of, "I'll kill you."

"(Name), you're the reason why my work's slowing me down. You're the reason, that, even my teammates despises me. You're the fucking reason that my reputation is crumbling down, got that you dumbass germ?"

The words that your own lover, just said. It feels like you got stabbed in the back and your heart throbs, feeling heavy by the moment.

You clenched your hands and slapped your boyfriend, Sakusa placed his hand on his cheeks, turning red.

Tears started to form on your eyes, grabbing your scarf and shoes and pushed Sakusa aside while running away as far as possible from the house. It was cloudy so the sun can't go through the thick gray clouds.

Meanwhile, Sakusa tried to process everything. Is he going to practice and forget this ever happend? Or, try to look for his boyfriend?

Sakusa realize what he just did, he chose the second option. Putting his mask, thick black coat, and his boots while covering his face with sunglasses.

You needed space and comfort, you don't have your phone to call your friends or contact Sakusa. The only place you found suitable is the place you and Sakusa first kissed. The willow tree with a view of the city, you kept running and running until you reached your destination.

Sitting here feels like you were loved again, the feeling your lover, kissed you on the lips. The feeling you've been wanting again for so long...

The willow tree's bush waved around while the gentle wind takes away your negative feelings. You felt footsteps coming at your direction.

"(Name)!" Sakusa's voice echoed.

"Saku.." you faintly said.

"I..I knew I'd find you here.." he gasped some air.

"(N-Name), can you forgive me? I know I've been busy lately and..it affects you." He contiuned while trying to sit with you.

"(Name), I promise I'll be gentle and give you the right attention from now on. But, please come home.."

You sat there with him while Sakusa whines. "Please..?"

"F-fine...as long, y-you never forget that I'm important..." you replied

Sakusa smiles and kissed you as the sun fought through the clouds, the willow tree's shadow covered you two.

You moaned lightly after he kissed you, and another one, and another one, until you're finally satisfied.

"I love you, (Name)..never forget that..."

AHHHH! THIS IS MY FIRST EVER STORY! COMMENT IF YALL WANT ANOTHER MALEXMALE!

[ichor-and-symbiosis]

Breakfast Blues. (Shigaraki x f!Reader, NSFWish)

Tomura could tell something was off as soon as he entered the kitchen. Your smile felt a little too forced, your eyes a little too hopeful as you plated a bowl of rice and eggs for him, hesitating for a moment to speak. It put him in a sour mood. He didn't like having to pry answers from you.

He usually managed to swipe his breakfast away and go back to his room for privacy, but you were making this increasingly difficult for him lately. It started with inane attempts to get him into conversations with you, which really was a stupid idea, given the fact that he never mustered more than a few grunts in the morning. His growling stomach initially helped fighting you off, but you seemed to have a backbone today.

Gripping the dishes in hand, you offered him a meek smile and asked, "Would you like to eat together?"

His eyes narrowed as he frowned. "Why?" his voice croaked out, scratchy and unpleasant from disuse.

"I just thought it would be nice. You're busy a lot, so ... "

"So?" Your confidence faltered under his scrutinizing stare. Something about your dying smile made him even more irritated, or perhaps confused. And he did not like feeling confused. "I'm hungry, woman."

Sensing his displeasure, you wordlessly handed over the breakfast and looked away. Under different circumstances, Tomura liked teasing you in this state. So secretive and cute, your lips set in a stubborn pout and your chin cast downwards for him to inevitably grip and force your attention back to him.

But he was so damn hungry and he had a game loaded on his computer for his return.

Tomura turned to leave, having decided he waited enough for your comeback. It was only the glaring absence of your shuffling feet and the tinkering of cookware that made him pause for a split second at the threshold. Just a quick glance to satiate his curiosity.

You stood exactly where he left you, still looking away, hands wringing together without anything else to hold. Defeated and hurt. The sting of negative emotions welled up inside him so suddenly that he immediately took off, wishing he had a free hand to scratch his neck.

-

No amount of homecooked breakfast or countless wins could erase his lingering discontent. Tomura tried to ignore that strange encounter with you, burying his thoughts in strategies and shit-talking as he let the time slip away. But try as he might, he just couldn't shake it off. Throwing aside his game console, Tomura leered at the clock and slumped in his chair, annoyed at the realization that you hadn't visited him this whole time.

You were nowhere to be found in the apartment. A cursory glance at his phone showed him a single text from you. I'm going out with Toga. Be back later.

You didn't even send him a heart emoji.

It was a stupid thing to set him off. Everything about today was stupid. You were stupid, he was stupid, his damn neediness was stupid, even the breakfast bowls he brought to the sink were stupid. What kind of world was this, where he, Shigaraki Tomura, successor of Japan's most dangerous criminal, brought his dishes to the kitchen and moped about a goddamn heart emoji.

He needed a drink.

-

It was a testament to his bad mood that Tomura chose to walk all the way to the bar instead of asking Kurogiri to warp him there. His eyes scanned the streets in a vain attempt to track you down among the crowd, but you were nowhere to be found and he was growing anxious by the minute.

Tomura kicked the door open and hopped the counter to pilfer the expensive liquor stash. His taste gravitated towards the most expensive rum in the collection. He could certainly chase his sorrows away with cheap swill or rubbing alcohol, but if he was going to torture his body tonight, then he would do so with style. It was all worthless in the end, anyway.

He sat by himself for who knows how long. It was utterly pathetic and he knew he had better things to do, yet every time he tried to pull himself away from the counter, his head spun uncomfortably and the amber liquid beckoned him towards a numbing buzz. His phone lay abandoned on the counter, having been checked several times for a text or a phone call from you.

You hadn't even called to find out where he was. He had half a mind to wonder if you would walk through the door to surprise him, but there were only so many times he could glance at the door before the urge to disintegrate it took hold. He grabbed the rum bottle instead, messily pouring more liquor into his glass as he ignored the distortion of the air in front of him. He was in no state of mind to stare straight into Kurogiri's spinning portal. The very thought of it made him slam the bottle down and hold onto it for dear life to compose himself.

Kurogiri appeared behind the bar, quietly assessing the state of his charge. He pulled out a rag to mop up spilled liquor and eyed Tomura's heavy movements as he let go of the rum and took the glass in a white-knuckled grip.

"You are alone."

Tomura grunted, taking a swig to avoid conversation. His guardian was smart enough to immediately pick up his mood. It was both annoying and reassuring to see those golden eyes narrow in astute observation.

"It is rare for your lover to be absent."

"..."

A moment of silence. "Forgive me for being presumptuous, but you seem to be more upset than usual."

Tomura snorted. "Yeah, no shit." He stared at the rum glass in frustration, glaring at the alcohol as though it had personally offended him. His fingertips curled around the rim as he lifted the glass and swirled the liquid around, irate at the stretching silence. It was bad enough he had to deal with your petulant absence. Now he had to endure Kurogiri's calm patience, too.

His fingers gripped the glass tighter as he contemplated satisfying his urge to decay, to give him some form of release from the frustration currently plaguing him. The blaring noise of his video games would be a welcome respite from this silence. Instead, he was forced to nurse a headache while Kurogiri made him feel like a child.

All because of you. You had a hold on him even when you were gone. Perhaps even more poignant because you were gone.

"It's fucking dumb," Tomura grumbled. And it was. The situation was so unbelievably ridiculous that he clammed up again, unable to voice his problems lest he fly into a rage over the mental image of your sorrowful eyes and quivering bottom lip.

"What happened?"

"I don't even know. She's been acting weird the past week and it all blew over this morning." His leg jittered restlessly against the footrest. He crossed his leg over his thigh to regain some semblance of control, letting out a sharp sigh as he scratched his neck. "I just wanted some damn breakfast. That's all. And that woman stood there looking like I broke up with her just because I didn't want to eat with her."

"Were you doing something important?"

Oh, he did not like that question. He did not like it one bit.

"I was in the middle of gaming," Tomura growled through clenched teeth. "Don't even try to bitch at me about it."

"That was not my intention. I know how important your lifestyle is to you." Tomura stared at him, feeling his anger somehow slip through the cracks and fizzle away. Kurogiri took the whiskey bottle beside him and poured more into the emptying glass. "Has this happened before?"

"No. Sometimes she tried to keep me there longer with dumb small-talk, but she's never flat out asked. And the damn look on her face when I - " Tomura cut himself off with a frustrated growl. Your defeated expression haunted him once more. He downed the liquor in one go and reveled in the horrible burn tearing his throat apart. "What the hell does she want from me?" he forced out, staring hard into the distance as a sudden sense of shame stabbed him like a knife.

"If I may speculate ... " Kurogiri paused, waiting for his rebuke. When none came, an answer followed. "You are often preoccupied throughout the day. Perhaps she simply misses you and craves your attention."

Tomura opened his mouth and promptly closed it. A bout of dizziness hit him. Was it the alcohol or the crashing realization of how obvious the answer had been?

The logic of Kurogiri's statement was so absurdly simple that it had to be true. Because you really were just so simple. Uncomplicated in your motives, always wearing your heart on your sleeve, and always so flagrantly loving and patient with him. Tomura looked away from Kurogiri, hating how well his guardian knew not only him, but you, too.

A little flame of happiness kindled deep inside him, threatening to chase away the darkness of his bitter emotions. You hadn't been difficult on purpose this morning. You just wanted to spend time with him.

His bleary gaze settled on the monitor resting at the other end of the bar. How would his mentor react to this situation?

The silence coming from the monitor felt altogether different from what he experienced so far. It was uncomfortable and imposing, filling his ears with white noise and clouding his thoughts. Tomura stared at his reflection in the black screen and frowned, hyper-aware of the way his eyes had softened while he thought about you, the way he looked so boyish and tired.

Look at what she is turning you into, the screen seemed to say.

"Shigaraki Tomura." He tore his gaze away from his reflection and met Kurogiri's expressionless face. "Is it a weakness to enjoy feeling wanted?"

His brows furrowed in thought.

-

Tomura made up with you in the most typical fashion. That is to say, he cornered you at home and snuffed out any further talk by devouring your lips with incessant kisses, taking you right on the living room couch and stalking after you to your bedroom for more. It was a love language he knew best, letting you feel his feverish desire with every deep thrust, the firm iron grip of his hands on your soft hips and thighs, his groans and whispered demands for more of you, more of your tight heat and your gentle fingers outlining his scars, touching his rough lips, nails digging into his back as you mewl for more of him.

You were hellfire. There was no liquor strong enough in the world to burn him half as much as his need to tell you he loved you. The words clawed and tore at his chest, inflamed his throat until he choked on them, forcing him to spit out twisted versions of the truth. Cowardly, pathetic half-truths about how you belonged to him, how you were his and his alone.

And you still smiled at him for it. You took all that he gave you and asked for so little in return.

Is it a weakness to enjoy feeling wanted?

The question plagued him throughout the night as your arms held him close, his head pillowed on your chest while he listened to your soft breathing and felt the beat of your heart whispering an answer he could not decipher.

-

Tomura awoke to your absence. It was not a rare occurrence. The split-second paranoia washing over him was not rare, either. He ran from that feeling many times before, immediately sick at the thought of how lonely he felt without you. It was pathetic. He should not feel this way about anyone. He should feel empty, as though you were just a moment of entertainment, an experience to be had and a level to beat in the game of life.

But you were well past that point now. Whether or not he could say it aloud, Tomura was in love. So if you wanted to have breakfast together, then you had better prepare yourself for his morning attitude.

He caught you a little early this time. You were in the middle of stirring an omelette when he crept up behind you, jolting in surprise as he pressed himself to your back and wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Good morning," you greeted him, giving him a peck on the cheek. A light smile played on your lips. "I'm almost done."

Tomura purred a noncommittal response and curled his fingers around your jaw, angling your head back to capture your mouth in a lazy kiss. Your pleased sigh broke off into a stilted noise as he dipped his tongue inside and made sure you felt every slow lick and suck to your lips. His arm tightened in response to you melting against him, mentally debating whether he should let you finish cooking or to find the nearest surface to defile.

A sizzling pop from the frying pan caught your attention. You kissed him hard and returned to your duty, using your spatula to roll the omelette into shape. Your tongue peaked out from your reddened lips as you made a face of mild disgust. "You didn't brush, nasty."

"Didn't stop you though," Tomura countered, grinning at your wry expression.

You spooned the cooked food onto a nearby plate and cracked another egg into the pan. He waited for your invitation, good mood dampening by the second as you settled into your routine without another word. It was an expected reaction, to be fair. He hurt you yesterday and now he was paying for it.

Your questioning glance put him on alert. "Do you need something else?"

He wracked his brain for a response. Something that could keep him here longer without raising further suspicion. "Orange juice."

"It's in the fridge. Can you pour me some, too?"

Tomura forced himself to detach from you, taking his time to complete the task as he watched your progress from the corner of his eye. Cups placed on the table. Orange juice poured at a strategically slow rate. By the time he finished, your breakfast had been plated and you left it unattended to hurriedly put the forgotten box of eggs back into the fridge. Tomura used this distraction to take both plates to the table, setting yours across from him as he plopped down onto the chair and began to eat.

You caught on as soon as the fridge door closed. Tomura could feel your stare on him while he downed the orange juice. He glanced at you nonchalantly, eyebrow raised as though you were the one behaving abnormally.

"You're joining me?" you asked, a hint of hope coloring your voice as you sat down.

"Clearly."

You smiled so sweetly that he felt his heart stammer and restart. "Wow. Can I get you to eat some fruits while we're at it?"

"Don't push your luck," he grumbled, and that was the end of that.

Tomura silently listened to your happy chatter and the clanging of silverware on plates, wondering how the hell he found himself in domestic bliss. Sunlight streamed through the nearby window and illuminated your entire being, heightening your inner glow. You looked beautiful and peaceful. It calmed him far more than you could ever know.

Did he feel weak as he basked in your attention? Did he feel weak, knowing that you wanted him beside you even for the most mundane things?

The answer was undeniable.

He felt strong.

Different from the power trip he thrived on when he succeeded in yet another level.

Different from the sadistic glee he felt when the nomu followed his command.

Different from the sense of duty plaguing his mind when his teammates looked to him for direction.

This inner sense of peace steadied his mind and cleared his thoughts. How could it be weakness when he would tear the world apart for you?

The soft tap of your foot on his knee drew his attention to you. "This was nice," you softly said. "Next time I'll leave a trail of takoyaki outside your room so you can join me for lunch."

He huffed a dry laugh. "Make me botamochis and you got yourself a deal."

"You'll eat sweets made from red beans but not a single fruit ... " You innocently popped another strawberry into your mouth. "Not even these strawberries ... "

"Get over here and give me a taste then," he growled, settling back in his chair with a clear invitation of his own.

You accepted without delay.

[makeste]

is it too late now to say sorry

anon I agree with almost all of this for the most part, but if you don’t mind I would like to come to Kacchan’s defense here a little bit. while he absolutely does need to apologize to Izuku, there are reasons why he hasn’t done so yet which boil down to a lot more than simply “he’s still a dick.”

anyway, so for my next trick, I will take the thesis statement of “Kacchan is afraid to apologize to Deku for both selfish and unselfish reasons, and Deku doesn’t realize how much he needs to hear the apology because he pays no attention to his own needs”, and somehow transform that into a 3500 word rant lol.

first of all, I’ve said this before, but on the topic of whether or not Katsuki actually needs to apologize to Deku at all, my answer is an emphatic “yes.” is it necessary in order for him to earn Deku’s forgiveness? no. in fact I’m pretty sure Deku has already forgiven him. because that kid doesn’t have a petty bone in his body (not that wanting an apology from your friend who basically turned on you and made your life miserable for ten years and told you to go kill yourself is in any way petty at all), and because he has staunchly held on to what he could of their relationship throughout that entire time, hoping that one day they could somehow be friends again. Kacchan never stopped being “Kacchan” to him. Deku never stopped caring about him. and that goes beyond him simply being a good person; there’s also just an attachment there, for lack of a better word, that he is simply unwilling to give up. their friendship is that important to him. Kacchan is that important to him.

but just because Katsuki is almost guaranteed forgiveness from Izuku doesn’t mean the apology isn’t still owed. putting aside that it’s really the least he could do, I think an apology is also necessary in order for their friendship to ever move past the level it’s currently stuck at, for one simple reason: Izuku doesn’t actually know that Katsuki cares.

more specifically, he doesn’t know that Katsuki actually cares about him. because Katsuki, for various reasons which I’ll get to momentarily, has done such a spectacular job of hiding this fact that he even fooled a lot of us for a very long time. before chapter 284 came along, there was hardly any evidence at all that Katsuki actually cared about Izuku as a person beyond just the requisite, bare minimum level of “well I don’t actually want you to die or anything, because I’m not a complete shithead.”

because he hides it. and he hides it on purpose, which is a mind-blowing revelation I’m still only just starting to wrap my head around. it’s an act. all of his continued hostility toward Izuku since the Endeavor internship arc -- and possibly going even further back than that; possibly going all the way back to their second Ground Beta fight -- has been an act. here he is, continuing to bitch at him at every turn and basically doing everything he can to remind Izuku that They Are Rivals And Nothing More, and he has played that role so perfectly that hardly anyone suspected what was actually going on.

he cares about Izuku. not just subconsciously on a level where he’s in denial about it, but to a fully conscious and aware degree. he’s dedicated himself to helping Izuku as his way of trying to make amends. that’s a decision he consciously made, something he’s given a lot of thought to. he worries about Izuku. he worries about his selflessness and his recklessness and that one day he’ll take it too far and it will go terribly wrong. he worries about One For All and All For One, and about the legacy his friend has inherited that’s so much bigger than him, and which he knows Izuku won’t hesitate to sacrifice himself for if it ever comes to that. he worries. he cares.

and Izuku does not know this. and he deserves to know this. and that’s why the apology is so important. not because it’s a magic sentence that will miraculously restore the ten years of friendship and trust that was lost between them, or heal the ten years of pain and misery that Izuku went through alone and friendless, because nothing can ever restore or heal that. as a gesture, an apology is nice, but it’s also fairly useless, at least on its own. it’s meaningless without action to support it, and rather pales in significance when held up against the LITERAL DECADE of misery that it’s trying to make up for.

but the reason it’s still so, so important in spite of all this is because Izuku doesn’t know that Katsuki cares about him. he doesn’t know that their friendship isn’t just one-sided. he does know that Katsuki is a good person, and that he has a good core beneath his prickly exterior. and he’s more adept than most people at seeing past Katsuki’s outer shell of bullshit and understanding what lies beneath. but he has a blind spot, and that blind spot is himself.

he hasn’t made the connection between “Kacchan is a good person who cares about other people and is trying to do the right thing” to “Kacchan cares about me.” because Kacchan has been diligent in making sure that every time Izuku does start to make that connection, that he shoots it back down and disproves it as vehemently as he can.

which, just to be clear, is actually a huge load of bull, as we now know. huh.

but anyway. the point is that Katsuki is still hiding this part of himself from Izuku. the fact that he actually cares. the fact that their friendship is reciprocated on a level that goes beyond just rivalry and shared secrets and a mutual admiration for All Might. Izuku doesn’t know yet how much Katsuki cares about him, and he deserves to know.

and that’s why the apology is important. not because the words themselves are important, but because he deserves to know that Katsuki is sorry. he deserves to know that Katsuki cares about him. he deserves to know that he’s valued, that Katsuki sees him as someone who has value. he deserves that. and that, more than anything else, is why the apology is needed, and why it’s important for him to actually hear those words. because Katsuki was spot on when he said that Izuku doesn’t see himself in the way that he should, and I think he needs this to help him understand a little better just how much value he actually has.

so that’s part one of my rant! and now we move on to part two, which can basically be summarized as “okay but then WHY has Katsuki not just FUCKING APOLOGIZED TO HIM ALREADY.” because yeah, though. at the end of the day, this is all on him. and he does care, and he is sorry. so then what is still holding him back??

and that... is complicated. and it basically boils down to four things.

1. it’s insufficient.

ten years. all the way back to when they were four years old and Izuku first learned that he didn’t have a quirk. ten years of Katsuki bullying him and distancing himself from him. ten years of pain and isolation and unhappiness that Izuku absolutely did not deserve.

and yes, it ultimately stemmed from a misunderstanding, but that doesn’t make it right in the least. there’s absolutely no justification for it. Katsuki knew that it was wrong and he acted like that nonetheless. and anyone who says that Izuku in any way brought it on himself, that it’s in any way his fault or that he invited it on himself by not leaving Katsuki alone -- you can miss me with that, tbh. he was a child and he was lonely and confused and didn’t understand why his best friend had suddenly turned his back on him. this was the most vulnerable period in his life, and the person who should have had his back ended up being the person who made it even worse for him instead. and even after Izuku grew out of the so-called stalking and actually did mind his own business, and just admired Katsuki from a distance -- that still wasn’t enough to appease Katsuki either. even just the mere mention of Izuku wanting to go to U.A. was enough to set him off worse than ever before. that was absolutely not Izuku’s fault in any way, and I’m positive that even Katsuki himself would agree. Katsuki was terrible. I can’t emphasize enough just how terrible he was.

so yeah. ten years of that. and now Katsuki finally realizes just how awful it was. and he’s sorry! and he regrets it, a lot, and he wants to atone for it.

but now here’s problem number one: when you put it up in comparison to ALL OF THAT, an apology just feels overwhelmingly inadequate. almost laughably so. and Katsuki may be a bit emotionally dense (although perhaps less so than we always thought), but he’s sharp enough to realize this much, at least. it’s almost pathetic to simply try saying “I’m sorry” after all of that, and expect it to mean anything at all. it’s not enough. it’s so much not enough that I imagine he must almost feel helpless just imagining it. the weight of everything he’s done is so much, and an apology isn’t enough to undo any of it. it’s not even close.

Katsuki isn’t someone who backs down from things easily, but the sheer scale of the mistakes he’s trying to grapple with now is enough to give just about anyone pause. how do you even begin to address something like that? how can you even begin to make up for it? and Katsuki isn’t stupid, and I have to imagine that everything he saw during that first week of interning with Endeavor only cemented this for him. an apology simply isn’t enough. not for something like this.

2. it’s unfamiliar.

reason number two! and this one is a bit selfish on his part, yeah. but Katsuki is still just a kid too. and his falling out with Izuku didn’t only have a negative impact on Izuku; it hurt Katsuki as well. he lost that friendship too. he thought Izuku was looking down on him, and I’m certain that hurt him a lot more than he ever let on. if you trust someone and care about them only to have them turn on you like that (even though he got it wrong and it was ultimately all just in his head) -- that hurts. it’s not a coincidence that he became closed off and mean afterwards, and that even now he’s resistant to letting other people get close to him. for all that it was more or less self-inflicted, it still had a huge impact.

but now he’s learned that Izuku was never looking down on him at all and that he had it wrong this whole time. and as a result, he’s gotten this chance now to try and rebuild the childhood friendship that he almost destroyed. and make no mistake, this is something he wants too. it’s not just Izuku who’s grateful to have this chance to have normal interactions with the other again. this is something both of them value, and Katsuki doesn’t want to ruin it this time.

so he’s picking up where he left off! only the thing is, this involves him reverting to a blueprint that hasn’t been updated since the two of them were four years old, lol. “normal” for them is him being a bossy little snot, and Izuku happily shrugging it off with all of his limitless nerdy enthusiasm as they go about their various misadventures together. it’s a script that hasn’t changed since they were children, and one they’re both still more than content to use, but it is an outdated script nonetheless. Katsuki is playing the role that Izuku expects him to play. and it’s not like he’s being dishonest or anything like that, because that’s still him; he’s still his same old short-tempered, argumentative self, and it’s not like his personality has done a complete 180 or anything like that.

but at the same time, there’s a calmer side to him now which he is deliberately keeping hidden from Izuku because it’s off-script for them. it’s unfamiliar ground. with Izuku, he’s always been this Kacchan:

and again, it’s not like he isn’t actually that person, especially when it comes to his old rival. but at the same time, there’s another side to him that he rarely if ever lets Izuku in particular see. Izuku never sees the quiet Kacchan who avoids other people’s eyes while he fiddles with his water bottle and calmly asks questions about the OFA successors. Izuku never sees the insightful Kacchan who opens up about his own regrets and weaknesses. there’s a level of emotional intimacy, for lack of a better term, that Katsuki has been unwilling to let them cross into. and if I had to guess why, my guess would be that it’s because Katsuki is afraid that changing up the formula now will lead to unfamiliar territory which may or may not end up completely upending their relationship just as it’s starting to grow into something actually solid again.

which brings me to reason #3!

3. he’s afraid.

Katsuki already experienced what it was like to fall out with Izuku. and again, for all that he was the cause of it, and that Izuku had it much, much worse, that doesn’t change the fact that it was a pretty terrible experience for him as well.

and look, we know Katsuki is afraid of losing Izuku. that’s confirmed canon now. he actually admitted that he was worried about Izuku, and that Izuku’s tendency to recklessly disregard his own wellbeing unsettled him and made him want to keep his distance. and he sacrificed himself to save Izuku’s life!! and did it automatically, unthinkingly, because the decision-making on his part was so fast it didn’t even register. that’s how much he cares. enough that his desire to protect Izuku now ranks higher than his own self-preservation.

and when something is that important to you, you will fight not to lose it. and Katsuki does not want to lose this. Izuku is important to him. by extension that means their friendship is important to him. and he wants to preserve that.

and the thing is, the apology is an obstacle to that. and he knows it. he knows he has to face it at some point, because he can’t atone without it. he has to take responsibility for what he did. he can’t keep running away from it forever.

but he also knows the potential consequences. he knows that apologies don’t always end in reconciliation. he knows falling-outs don’t always have a happy ending. he knows that forgiveness isn’t automatic, and that years of pain don’t just disappear just like that. and he recently got to see firsthand one possible way how it might all turn out.

he knows Izuku doesn’t have to forgive him. he knows Izuku might not forgive him. and he knows that he probably doesn’t deserve Izuku’s forgiveness, and that ultimately he does not have a say in the matter one way or the other. it’s Izuku’s choice, at the end of the day, and whatever he chooses Katsuki is going to have to accept it.

but you can know all of that, and accept the fact that you’re going to have to take responsibility, and yet still be afraid to face it. and yes, maybe it’s selfish of him to feel that way. but that selfishness is also human. it’s human to fear rejection, and it’s human to go through the various stages of trying to postpone having to face that. Katsuki is a brave kid, but he is just a kid, still. and this is going to be very hard for him to do. that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still have to be done. but I feel for him and I have a lot of empathy for the situation he’s currently in.

and there is also one last reason why I think he’s putting it off as well, and it just so happens that this reason actually isn’t selfish at all.

4. he doesn’t want false forgiveness.

and this one is ironically kind of at odds with reason #3! Katsuki fears the possibility of Izuku not forgiving him... but at the same time, I think that strangely enough, there’s also a part of him that fears being forgiven, just like that. easily and gladly and unconditionally, with the trademark selflessness that defines so many of Izuku’s other decisions.

“he just... deep down, he doesn’t take himself into account, y’know?”

Izuku rarely if ever takes himself into consideration, and Katsuki knows this. he’s selfless to a fault, and Katsuki knows this. and so if Katsuki were to come up to him and apologize, there’s the possibility that yes, Izuku might decide not forgive him. he might in fact be all “nah, you know what, fuck you,” as would certainly be within his rights.

but this is a very remote possibility, and we all know it. and Katsuki knows it too, I think. because that’s not who Izuku is. he puts other people’s welfare above his own, every time. and so if Katsuki were to break down and tell Izuku that he was sorry, and if he were to ask him for forgiveness, nine times out of ten that is something that Izuku grants instantly. this is the same kid who put his own life at risk to try and save Katsuki less than an hour after Katsuki told him to dive off a roof. Izuku’s instinct is to protect and save. and so if he sees that Katsuki is hurting; if he sees that Katsuki feels guilty for what he’s done and that it’s eating away at him in much the same way as when he was blaming himself for Kamino -- he is going to do what he always does. he is going to try and save him.

and he would do that even if it meant shoving down his own pain. he absolutely would. he would prioritize Katsuki’s feelings over his own. and if he did still feel any lingering resentment at how cruelly he was treated, he would still put it aside if need be. and he would forgive him.

in other words, the risk exists that Izuku might grant Katsuki forgiveness that he doesn’t actually feel. if Katsuki is granted Izuku’s forgiveness, he doesn’t have any way to actually tell for sure if it’s real. there would be that element of doubt there, that question of whether or not it’s really sincere. and something like that could ultimately poison their relationship, if things were allowed to play out that way. it would prevent them from being fully able to trust each other. ultimately, it might lead to them drifting apart again, and something like that might ultimately be even more painful than Izuku rejecting Katsuki’s apology outright. and there’s also an argument to be made that Izuku doesn’t deserve to be put on the spot like that, and forced to make that decision one way or the other when he might not be ready to yet. so there’s that to consider as well.

so yeah. four reasons why Katsuki has not apologized to Izuku yet. and they are good reasons, in my book. complicated reasons, too. but none of that changes the fact that at the end of the day this is still something he has to do. his current way of trying to atone through action is great, don’t get me wrong! and it’s necessary too for sure, because like I said, the apology just on its own is never going to be enough. he needs to commit to doing the right thing, and trying his best to make it right between them from here on out. and saving his life is certainly a decent start! but you still gotta say the words too eventually bro.

but there is just a ton of stuff at play here and I find it all fascinating tbh. they are just so, so bad at communicating with each other. and the thing is, they both actually want the same thing! but they want it so badly that ironically it’s almost holding them back right now, because they don’t want to put it at risk. but ultimately this is a leap of faith that Katsuki in particular is going to have to take sooner rather than later in order to finally restore that last bit of trust between the two of them.

so yeah. just two stupid teenage boys who fail at emotions, and who are probably overdue for another of their famous Get It All Out In The Open stupid shounen therapy battles lmao. round 3, featuring Deku’s new robot arms vs Katsuki and his shiny new “like father like son” All Might torso scar. sob.

[thekillingjoke-haha]

Just You And Me

Summary: Sam and Dean are on there second hunt to find John. They need help from the one person who hates Wendigos the most Y/n Winchester

Prequel to What's Worse Then Wednesday?

Ten years ago John had his first encounter with a wendigo a family went hiking with a full group of fifteen and no one has came down from the mountain in almost a month. Having asked a more experienced hunter John wrote down things he needed to remember as he went up the mountain a bag with Molotov ,lighters,and flare-up. It took almost a week to find the small mine shaft his brown eyes widened at the seen. Male and female limps were torn of and only some still had enough meat and clothing to be identifiable. Some bodies were on hook that resembled mountain climbing gear. None of them moved except for one. Stepping closer a six year old girl was hanging from her binder wrist her eyes look into his scared before gazing over down a tunnel a thick trail of blood went down it as tears spilled down her face. "Mommy and Daddy are gone. I next." Her voice cracked and a unhuman beastly type growl echoed. "I'm gonna get you out of here, darling." That's how John Winchester met his adoptive daughter Y/n.

Its been seven years since then and the little family the Winchester's made for themselves was falling apart. It broke John's heart that he pushed away his youngest son when he wanted a way out of this life, but when his adoptive daughter wanted to hunt more big league he almost blew a fuse. Y/n was young really fucking young to be hunting on her own,but it could have been worse she could have cut off contact with John and Dean. Now two years later John's missing and the siblings need each other.

The h/c teenager hissed as she cleaned the deep cuts on her shoulder looking into the bathroom mirror. A fucking blood suckered clawed at her shoulder taking advantage of the other two she beheaded. The burner phone on the back of the toilet rings as she grabbed it putting it between her ear and none injured shoulder. "Kinda busy Dean-o." She mumbled slipping the antibacterial cream in the cuts making the surface pink. "Dad went on a hunt and hasn't been back yet. I got a call last night and it sounds Ike somethings under it." He said the sound of baby let be know he's in the car. "Send it over to me and I'll have it back to you by the hour. You leaving New Orleans?" She ask starting to Butterfly stitch closing up the cuts. "Yeah left about two hours ago heading to California." Pausing and shacking her head. "No no no no no! You're not involving Sammy! He got out the life let him stay away and safe." Y/n finished up wrapping her shoulder as she walked out the bathroom to put on a shirt. "I need to,n/n. I won't keep him long we are just gonna check out the place dad was last at. The question is are you coming." Licking her lips she sighed. "I can't I'm in New York right now just took care of a nest in Brooklyn. I won't make it cross country for a couple of weeks." Dean let out a heavy breath. "I know,but I also know you're avoiding Sammy." Maybe the youngest wasn't the only one heart broken after one of her protectors,her best friend left in a huff and hasn't answered a single call.

The silence was drawn out as Dean's phone buzzed against his ear. "There your voice-mail put it through a gold wave. Sounds like a vengeful spirt bring rock salt for the shotgun." Dean chuckled. "Thanks baby sis...wait did you put me on mute to ignore me!?You bit—" That's when the line went dead. The h/c girl giggled as she layed on the stiff musty motel mattress. Her eyes closed,but her mind ran ramped.

The woods they were dark and seemed to loom over her. It was so quite no sound came from anywhere not even the wind dared blow. Crying filled the the air it was that of a child. It grew closer till it disappeared all together the claw marks on the trees marked the familiar place the blood soaked leaves crunched behind her causing the teen to go stiff. She knew what was behind her it was the same thing in every dream for ten convective years even if she knew her body wouldn't allow her to act she was that same scared little girl paralyzed as the horror show continued. The creature yelled,but it echoed in all directions. "HELP US!" Dean and Sam's voices shocked her awake her body pinned in fear as she looked at the Wendigo on top of her. It successfully restricting movement if her whole upper body. Blinking hard it was gone and air filled her lungs like rushing water. It meant nothing...nothing at all.

It's been almost a two weeks since Dean's call. He often text since Sam tried to high jack his phone last time he tried calling. Sam and Y/n didn't exactly end on the best of notes. "Come with me." Sammy looked at a younger Y/n who shook her head. "No. I can't leave dad and Dean. Not like this." The dust has settled after the heated argument between father and son and the rules were clear the moment he walked out those doors he stayed gone. "Don't call him that." His mood seemed to shift back to angry,but something else was there. "Call him what? Dad?" The young girl was confused now. "He's not your dad." It wasn't a secret that Sam harbored negative feeling against his sister they were never anything serious,but he still somewhat loved her just not like a sister. "You're not apart of this family you can get away,but no you're going to stay here and become their weakness!" He points at John and Dean who were just behind her. "I'm not a weakness! I got their back like they've got mine. That's what's family's for!!!" She shouted her eyes welling with tears not letting them fall,but they slip out at his next words. "Your family is dead! Did you save them then?! Maybe if you did we wouldn't be stuck with you!!!" The room was still no one dared breathed Dean stared wide eyed at his baby brother as John grew tense grasping the neck of his beer bottle in a vise grip while same looked like a deer in headlights. A sniffle brought the three men's attention to the girl. Tears streamed down her face before she used a open palm to whip her face dry. "Just go. Cause that's what you do best you runaway from your problems and wait til Dad or Dean can fix it." The thirteen year old snapped at him as she pushed on him as he just stumbled back. "You're nothing,but a coward and a pathetic one at that. I don't want to loss the little family I got for myself you're so willing to walk away from them it shows how different we are...nothing,but two strangers." He stood in the doorways as the h/c teen grabbed his packed duffle bag and threw it into his torso making him fall to the ground.. "So just FUCKING LEAVE!!!" With that she slammed the door shut. What Sam couldn't see as he drove away from the dingy motel was the mess he left behind. A father struggling to keep his kids safe,a brother torn between hunting and normalice,and lastly a adoptive sister that can't help,but be different. Sam Winchester left his family in a worse state then imaginable.

Sitting in bed I looked at my phone hoping it rang or buzzed with a incoming message that said they were fine. Y/n jumped as the screen lit up the name Batman lighting the screen. "About fucking time you jackass!" Her words were harsh,but the relief filled her voice. "Yeah we just got out of Stanford campus heading to .... now." Dean said the sound of cars and wind slightly muffled his voice. "H-how's Sam after...after you know?" One thing that Winchester’s hated was emotions and even if they weren't blood she grew up the same. Nature and nurture going toe to toe. "I don't know. You can always ask him yourself you know." The h/c teen laughed as she ran her hand down her face. "Dean-o he's the same shaggy haired asshole that said I wasn't family. I'll give him a chat when we're cheek to cheek in hell." And another thing Winchester’s sure knew how to hold on to a fucking grudge. "God you sound like Bobby said if he ever saw dad again he'd be looking down his shotgun barrel." They both chuckled as the faint sound of a ding of a convince store rang out. "Well tell Samantha same goes for him." She picked her nails as she decided to get up. "What are you morons hunting anyways did dads ex-marine crap give you a clue?" The crunch a gravel on the line grew louder. "It just had coordinates,my name,and a note saying safe place with your name." Dean opened the car door and got inside as Sam approached him. "I don't know Dean I don't have a safe place in the middle of nowhere so keep me updated,Batsy." Sam looked over at Dean who switched hands to the furthest from his brother. "Copy that talk later,Robin." That's when the keep away match started.

"Dude what the hell I want to talk to Y/n." Sam huffed as his brother closed the flip phone dropping it on the floorboards next to his feet. "Your chances of talking to her are zero to none,man. Sammy she'll talk to you when she's ready." Dean sighs as he starts the car. The youngest huffed he will admit he was a shitty brother that night and everyday following he didn't like it,but he ignored her calls for a months till they just stopped.At first he was still heated,heated, he felt guilty,then he was too busy. Sam tried calling,but it disconnected immediately meaning she blocked him. He thought he'd see her when Dean broke in but finding out she's been taking her own hunts scared him shitless. And from what Dean told him she started after the first month she trained harder taking own bigger hunts with Dad before doing normal ones alone. Sam realized by leaving he took away her only need for normalice,her want to have something other then hunting. He took her slice of the apple pie for himself.

The brothers were in the fucking woods in jeans and flannels walking with a makeshift search party for a missing kid. They were in a abandoned campsite after they lost their supplies. The signal was shot and Dean's phone was useless in most areas. He sent a text as it waited for any signal to send. "' Going in the woods with unknown creature. You know the coordinates I'll call if we need you'" That was a bit of a lie. He knew what it was before nightfall,but he didn't want her to have a panic attack he wouldn't be there to help her. The guide Roy? shot blindly in the woods after something rustled and growled like no animal. The boys ran after him as he got snatched up into the treeline which made them quickly escape back to the camp. As Haley and her brother Ben slept Dean had first watch they weren't prepared and this was the last creature he wanted his sister to hunt. Not after last time.

Dean was on a hunt with Dad and Y/n while Sammy stayed at uncle Bobby's for exam week or some shit. John never told them what they were hunting they had to discover it themselves. The hunt that was suppose to last three days,but took almost a week the tried tracking it yet nothing came up,but more missing persons. The trio decided they'd go back into the national park when it was daylight again,but they didn't need to wait that long. That night they slept Y/n sharing the bed with Dean as dad slept in the bed to the right of them it was probably the quietest night they've every had so the fact that something breezed in under their noses scares them most. Dean rolled out of the bed to the bathroom closing the door after he turned on the light it illuminated the pale skinned beast in the corner. It creeper closely to the only adult in the room gazing at his body before turning to the smaller figure in the bed breathing evenly. It crept onto the bed leaning over her body the old motel mattress creaked as it settled onto her. The weight of the creature was crushing causing her breath to come out in a hissing wheeze as her e/c eyes opened before they filled with shock. Going to scream the crushing weight on her chest pushed all the air out along with breaking a few ribs. Her hand wiggled out from under him as she wiggled her arm to hit the lamp off the table it broke onto the ground and John shot up with his gun and Dean busted out of the bathroom both froze before jumping into action the young boy running to get a lighter while John shot at it just to get it away from Y/n. The boney supernatural creature screeched getting up allowing the girl to try and roll out of the bed it struck her back blood soaked her clothing as she fell coughing roughly knowing the fall made one of the ribs stab into her lungs. The males in the room were able to set the monster ablaze quickly getting out of the room John holding his daughter. Y/n was in shock like many victims they've seen that monster was her nightmare and it casual gazed at her having the ability to kill her at any moment. After going to the hospital she stayed at Bobby's for almost a month to recover physically and mentally. Wendigos are her yellow eyes.

The next day as the followed the tracks of the Wendigo a sigh left Dean's lips as he tried to call her it rung for awhile before dial tone at least it went through,but she must have been busy. About to hand up the girl took off running after the beast made itself know Dean ran to keep up with her Sam yelling for him to wait as he stayed with her brother. She managed to trip as he went to pick her up he was hit over the head as she screamed for help as he started fading in and out and the voice-mail ended with Cries of help.

Y/n sat in her car waiting for a update text form Dean she started driving close to where he was,but didn't involve herself yet she almost got a room at the motel when her phone buzzed with a text. It was a update to come if he ever called to head over and help with a thankful sigh she back tracked from the motel and went to the dinner as she left her 0gonw on the table to order food it vibrated with a incoming call. One missed call and a voice-mail. As she grabbed her bagged lunch she grabbed the stuff off the table going back to her car as she got in the driver's seat she opened her phone to see a missed call and a voice-mail. Dean never sends voice-mails so Y/n opened it and she almost broke her foot as she hit the pedal to get to the woods. "Dean wait up~*crackle of leaves and grunts*~Come on we gotta ge—~*Female Screams followed by a thud*~ DEAN!!! *Inhuman roar before cut off*" Y/n almost had a panic attack in the car,but the adrenaline made her move faster that was sent five minutes ago. Taking a deep breath she began calling any hunter supernatural or not that knew the area well enough. "Hello?" "Hey this is the ARIA. I'm F/n F/L/N you have been hunting in the area for forty years are there any identifying landmarks within those woods? So incase of emergency?" The old man happily spoke about clearings,cabins on the edge,river,and a abounded mineshaft and where they were. She quickly thanked the man before hanging up she pulled out a satellite gps as she got looked over were she needed to go. Grabbing a backpack she loaded it with everything she needed as she took off into the wood watch as she got closer and closer with each click.

Sam's eyes fluttered open as he grabbed his bearings. Dean was next to him which mean he got captured not long after Dean and got taken. Haley,Ben,and Tommy were to the right of him they were stuck as he tried to move or at least hit Dean and wake him up. His brothers eyes sluggishly opened as he looked around before turning back to Sam in shock. The heavy foot steps creeped closer as the half clothes supernatural being looked down at them even though they were hanging on meat hooks. It moved down the line of people about to grab Tommy when a soft cry echoed in the cave. It turned around and listened closely. The brothers strained their ears to hear what it was. The Wendigo sprinted off to investigate when something else came into the Winchester’s view. Y/n stood infront of her brothers mud,sticks,and leaves on her body to mask her sent. Walking forward with a knife she cut Dean down before doing the same for Sam. The oldest went to cut down the siblings as Sam stopped his sister. "Y/n how did you get here? You shouldn't be here the monster is a—" She cut him off with a anxious smile in her face. "A Wendigo I know,but you guys needed a hero so I'm here." Dean came over to them as he stood next to his taller brother. "Sammy's right though,N/n. You got to get out of here after what happened last time. This thing is different from the last one it won't sit still for us to shoot it." He had a point, but he knew that was years ago he was still scared he couldn't protect her. "I got this I can defend myself. Get these people out of her I can distract the man eater." Handing them both a flare guns She turned towards the opposite tunnel the beast went into. "That leads straight to a river follow the flow and after it stops you're only two miles from Baby." About the protest they hear a growl. Y/n quickly sprinted further into the cave making enough noise to cover them escaping.

"OH OH HERS SHE COMES WATCH OIT BOYS SHE'LL CHEW YOU UP! OH OH HERE SHE COMES SHES A MAN EATER!!!" She sung running lighting flares leaving a trail as she ventured deeper. Y/n pulled the rubber top igniting another about to drop it when a snarl came form behind her. "Well hello beastie." She didn't turn around evening her breathing before spinning. The red light illuminated the monster in a devilish glow she wasn't a scared little girl anymore she was a Winchester and Winchester’s chase after their demons. "Just you and me now." A roar sounded throughout the damp cave. The boys turn to look back they both wanted to run back,but both of them would have pit her in more danger they were injured and a extra body to look after would put her at risk. They saw the orange hue of flames and the sound of glass breaking. Standing anxiously waiting for her to come out they were thrown back by the force of a explosion pressurized by the small space. The rock of the cave entrance was about to crumble when a head of h/c hair running out with a limp as it collapsed dust clouded the scene before them they could tell if she even got out until it settled. The youngest Winchester stumbled forward as she smiled at her brothers blood coming from her head and her split lip. "That was awesome. I did a Indian John's." Dean ran as fast as he could capturing her in a bone crushing hug. "Do some shit like that again I'll kill you then myself." She giggled as she hugged him back. "Sorry can't hear you. Explosion ya know deafening me." Y/n joked as her brother pulled away from the hug. Sam walked over slowly almost testing the waters. "Hey Y/n." He said shaky as he looked down at her. She's grown alot since last time he saw her she had more scarred and hard exterior. "Heya Sam." Her e/c orbs looked up at him they were uneasy as she smiled at him before hugging her as well. "I missed you,Jackass." Her voice was muffled by his shirt as he returned the hug. Their relationship will never be the same they both had Dean as a buffer between them,but for right now in this moment it was just the two of them Just you and me against the world.

[britswriting]

Desire (7)

Desire Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

Sequel to Unbroken

T/W: Body negativity (Talking down to oneself about postpartum recovery)

*Leighton's POV*

The first week without Colby had been tortures.

I was so used to the texts, and calls.. It was like I was back on Sam's birthday and it sucked.

On Colby's birthday, the day after he said he wanted to give us space, I texted him Happy Birthday, and sent him a photo of Gemma so he had one of her on his birthday, but I didn't hear back for hours.

I laid around my house feeling sorry for myself, watching the sky go from bright and sunny to dark and cloudy, not hearing back from him until way after I had gotten Gemma down to sleep.

I laid on the couch watering Master Chef when he replied back with a "Thank You" which felt like a knife in my back.

Was he really done with me?

Had I really fucked him up this bad?

Aaliyah had texted me a few times, asking how things were going, to which I asked the same.

They had finally found a house in Tennessee, and were putting an offer in and before I knew it, she was officially leaving me February 14th.

Happy fucking Valentines Day to me.

Logan was leaving towards the start of February, so we planned to do a dinner at my parents house relatively soon.

Today was January 17th, and I was currently home alone since Gabe took Gemma to his parents house, and I spent my morning sleeping, only to be awakened by a puddle of milk soaking my sleep shirt.

That was a first.

I could feel the weight and wetness when I woke up, peeling the soggy shirt off of my chest.

I pumped before my chest exploded and then took a shower, now adding laundry to my to do list.

I spent most of the day cleaning.

Around dinner time, I was sitting on our old couch, searching job listings, but due to my criminal record, I couldn't find anything.

It would be so easy to go work for a grocery store or even a retail shop, but because of my damn criminal record I was getting nowhere.

I angrily shut my laptop, tossing it to the side and took a deep breath.

I kept checking my phone, waiting for any sort of message from anyone, but only adding to my boredom, there was nothing.

It felt like everyone kept going, and I was just stuck here, trapped between these four walls as I cooked and cleaned and washed baby bottles.

I was twenty one, and my life was already a housewife changing diapers.

I mindlessly stirred my mac and cheese, staring out the kitchen window, watching the world go by.

I took the pot of mac and cheese, a hot pad under it, and sat on the couch, continuing to watch Master Chef as I pumped, not wanting a repeat of this morning.

I grabbed my phone, scrolling through the different apps, not finding any of the games to be interesting.

I saw my baby apps, one of them being my pregnancy bump app and deleted it, cleaning out my phone when I was interrupted by it ringing.

Alex's name flashed across it, and I quickly answered, desperate for any sort of attention.

"Hello?" I answered a little too quickly, setting my pot of mac and cheese on my coffee table.

"Hi! Are you busy?" She asked and I shook my head before realizing how much of an idiot I was.

"No, I'm bored out of my mind, why?"

"Good! Do you want to join my friends and I out tonight? Oh wait.. you have the baby, don't you?"

"No, baby daddy has her. Where are you going?"

"There is this new club in downtown LA and my friend knows the owner's son" She explained, now on speaker as I fixed my pump.

"I thought I was your only friend" I teased, biting my lower lip, trying to stop the smile that wanted to spread across my face.

"Ha ha" She grumbled and I giggled, reaching for the TV remote. "Are you in or?" She asked and I sighed, contemplating my choices.

"I haven't exactly been to a club.. I don't even think I have anything club worthy" I admitted, feeling bashful at the confession.

"You're twenty one and you've never been to a club?" She asked, sounding genuinely shocked which only added to my guilt complex.

I mentally sighed, reminding myself that I've never been a normal young adult, and it was fine that she was surprised by this revelation.

Yeah because I'm a recovering drug addict,

"No, I haven't. They're fun, no?" I asked and I could practically hear the excitement in her voice as she told me all about the music and the drinking and the dancing.

"I'm not the best dancer"

"Come on mama! Those hips don't lie!"

I cringed, glancing down at my pudgy tummy.

"I um.. What do you wear to the club? I still look like four months pregnant" I frowned, still disappointed in my body.

After all, I'm barely in my young adulthood, and my body was already ruined.

No guy would want me now.

"A dress, something lacy, a two piece, a crop top. Anything sexy or slutty or fun" She expressed and my forehead wrinkled as I looked down at my body.

"That's not happening" I told her bluntly and she giggled which made me roll my eyes.

"Come on, you looked hot on New Years!"

"You were drunk. I literally still look pregnant"

"Some guys dig that"

"Not helping" I grumbled.

"Text me your clothing sizes and I'll pick you out something. After all, we aren't leaving till like 10 anyway" She said and I sighed, not wanting to give her my sizes.

After some convincing, I sent her my hip and waist size, and even my bra size, reminding her I'm still nursing so it couldn't have lace fronting.

Lately due to Gemma sucking too hard at my nipples, I've had to use nipple cream and pads to soothe them.

My milk has also been a little heavy lately, hence the leaking this morning, so I also have thicker nipple pads for my nursing bras to help prevent it happening in public.

I get it's normal, but it doesn't make it any less embarrassing.

Alex told me that she was going to go out shopping and that she'd FaceTime me some options lately to get the feel for my style, which meant I was left alone once again.

I ended up eating the whole box of mac and cheese by myself whilst listening to people argue about why their food was underdone, or why their ground beef was on fire.

Around 8:30, I had just gotten off the phone with Gabe after seeing how Gemma was doing, letting him know my plans for the night, when our buzzer rang.

I let Alex up, glancing down at my ugly panda pajamas and pink fuzzy bathrobe.

To make matters worse, my hair was tossed up on top of my head, and my acne was out of control.

Definitely not getting laid tonight, let alone anyone buying me some kiddy cocktails.

"Don't look at the mess, let's just fix it" I muttered, opening the door.

"You look hot, that's annoying" She laughed and I rolled my eyes, knowing I looked anything but.

"You look hot. I look like a mom who hasn't slept in four years" I looked down at my toes, seeing they needed to be clipped.

"It seems like you haven't showered in four years either" She joked and I glared.

"I showered this morning!" I exclaimed, feeling the need to defend myself.

I may look bad, but I didn't look that bad.

"Well, what's that then? Baby puke?" She asked, pointing to my shirt.

I glanced down and frowned, "It's mac and cheese. I dropped it on myself when I was- never mind. What did you buy me? Something that will make me feel fat and ugly?" I asked and she rolled her eyes, handing me the bag.

"I know you said no lace, but it's thick padding. Just try, and if it sucks, I have other options. Whatever you don't like we can return" She said and I nodded, both of us walking to my master bedroom.

"Don't um.. mind the bottles. I haven't washed them yet" I mumbled, seeing the empty milk bottles by my nightstand.

"Didn't notice. Now come on, go try them on and then we can  figure out the hair and makeup"

I dumped the bag contents onto my bed, seeing a few different things.

"I am not wearing skin tight pleather jeans" I said immediately, already knowing that they will not be comfy with my thick thighs.

"Okay, well there's other options" She reminded me and I nodded, stifling through them.

"This is the bra?" I asked and she nodded. "It's cute, I'll give you that. I don't know if my boobs will fit though. I'm quite large in the chest area lately. I mean, I naturally have big boobs, but with breastfeeding and-" I rambled and she laughed, telling me she got it. "Sorry" I mumbled. "I haven't had human interaction in a while, didn't mean to ramble" I apologized, suddenly feeling extremely embarrassed.

"Try it on" She encouraged and I frowned, not sure if I wanted to attempt to put it on and then come back out and admit the defeat of it not fitting. "Also.. try on this skirt with it. I thought the  pants could go with it, but I think this skirt is cuter" She tossed me a gray skirt and I nodded, walking over to the bathroom.

I decided not to turn towards the mirror, not wanting to see how fugly I looked right now.

I stripped from my clothes, my top loosening my messy bun, causing it to flop against my face.

I huffed, tugging the hair tie out.

I was left in granny panties, frowning at them.

Nothing makes you feel sexy like oversized underwear.

I had some thongs in my drawer, but I was too nervous to try them on and see how much I disliked them compared to my pre-pregnancy body.

My nipples were still quite dark, and looked quite raw from how often Gemma has been nursing lately.

I remember loving the way my boobs looked. Liking the size, and the way my nipples look. I even thought about getting nipple piercings at one point, but I'm glad I didn't.

I slipped on the gray skirt, seeing the elastic band going over my stomach. It seemed to hold everything into place, but I was too afraid to do the jump test.

I sat it up pretty high just to make sure everything was held into place, reaching over for the bra. I noticed how thick the padding was, and I smiled softly at the fact that she listened.

I squeezed my boobs a little, making sure nothing was going to come out as I tried this bra on just in case we had to return it, not knowing if I needed to grab a nipple pad or not.

Thankfully, nothing came out since I had just pumped, and I slipped it over my head, the back of it acting like a bralette, just it had more support under the boobs than my older bralettes.

I finally turned around in the mirror, thankful that it wasn't suffocating my chest.

With how big my boobs have been due to nursing, I struggled to find tops, even to just sleep in, that didn't feel like they were skin tight against my chest.

The worst part is if it was skin tight, and the material would rub against your sensitive nipples.

I don't think I've ever ripped a shirt off my body faster than the night I first experienced that horrid sensation.

I turned a bit in the mirror, bouncing a little to see if anything jiggled in an unattractive way. I noticed certain things move, but all I could hear in my head was Colby telling me how much he loved it.

I thankfully didn't look too bad, thanking God that this skirt really kept everything in place.

I tried not to let my eyes scan, and reminded myself that she said clubs were usually dark, much like New Years Eve.  

One thing I couldn't ignore though, were the white heads on my face.

I don't know how long I sat there picking and prodding at my face, but eventually a knock on the door caught my attention, my cheeks bright red now from being messed with.

"Sorry, I was picking at my pimples" I chuckled, opening the door, feeling the heat on my ears at the fact that I had been in the bathroom for so long.

"Holy shit, you look so good! It's definitely the one!" She complimented, scanning me. "Hm.. do you have any black shoes? Like black strappy heels?" She asked and I nodded, walking over to my closet.

We ended up finding some black heels to go with it, placing them next to the bathroom doorway, silently praying I didn't forget about them and trip on my way out.

"You said you showered earlier, right?" She asked and I nodded, "Good, then we can do your hair!" She smiled and I laughed, Alex reminding me a lot of Aaliyah the night I got ready for my date with Silas.

I wonder how he's doing. He was a really nice guy..

"Let's do lipstick last. I have to keep eating and drinking since I'm breastfeeding. Aaliyah always yelled at me for wearing away lipstick quickly" I snickered, a pain of hurt hitting my chest as I remembered she was moving away. "Wait, let me grab my water bottle before you do my hair" I quickly walked to the kitchen, filling up my gigantic water bottle.

I was definitely going to have to pee when we got there.

"I swear this thing weighs as much as my literal child" I laughed, placing the heavy bottle on my bathroom counter.

"Do you want your hair up, down... half and half?" She asked, playing with it a little bit.

"Um.. down. It hides stuff"

"What's there to hide?"

"Uh.. everything"  I let out an uncomfortable laugh, Alex shaking her head in disagreement.

"You look pretty, shut up"

"Well what do you want to do to my hair?"

"This" She murmured, moving my hair to the side and placing a soft kiss next to my ear.

"Alex" I whispered, my eyes closing as she kissed closer to my mouth.

"Tell me to stop" She whispered and I sighed, knowing I should but I really didn't want to.

"Alex, we really shouldn't"

"Yeah, but it's fun" She looked at me in the mirror.

"Yeah.. it is" I sighed, giving into her. Her hand pulled my jaw towards her, kissing me softly. "You're not drunk right now, right?" I questioned, wanting to make sure we weren't going to have a repeat of New Years Eve.

I'm all down for kissing her, but I was in no mood to go any further with her tonight.

She shook her head, kissing me again, "Mm, nope, fully sober" She murmured and I nodded, letting the kiss deepen.

~

"Yep, definitely going to regret that" I laughed, wiping some of the lipstick off the side of her mouth. "You're definitely going to need to reapply" I giggled, biting my bottom lip.

"Mm, it was worth it though, now we better hurry before we end up in bed together and not downing drinks at the club" She laughed, slapping my ass before grabbing the curling iron. "You're not into a pain kink right?" She asked and my eyes widened.

"What?!"

"I'm kidding!" She quickly said and I eyed her, not believing her.

"I don't believe you, and to answer your question. No. I do not. If you burn me with that curling iron, it's going to be shoved where the sun doesn't shine" I threatened and my jaw dropped. "Alex!" I gasped and she giggled, plugging in the curling iron.

~

"Damn, you look hot" Alex whistled and I rolled my eyes, fixing my hair.

"Not to give a double standard, but I much rather you whistle at me then some dick on the street" I chuckled, eyeing my appearance in the mirror.

"I like the way the outfit hugs your curves. You look good"

"Am I going to ruin this moment for you if I tell you I need to pump before we leave?" I asked and she laughed, shaking her head.

"Of course not! Go be a mom! Where do you pump? Do you want me to wait in the living room or?" She asked and I shrugged.

"I can pump wherever. I just need to grab the parts from the kitchen. I don't know if this would make you uncomfortable.. but I could pump whilst we do my makeup?" I suggested and Alex nodded, grabbing a black and blue bag. "I have a bra that works for pumping so I'm not just whipping out a boob at you" I chuckled, my boobs a little sore now.

"Whatever you want to do, I'm going to clean the brushes real quick" She grabbed a handful of brushes and a sponge, stepping aside so I could exit the bathroom.

When I got back, I sat down and started putting the parts together, having done this so many times I could do it in my sleep now.

"Um.. do you want me to put on a bra? Or cover?" I asked and she didn't pay attention to me, mumbling "Whatever you want" so I just unclipped my bra, connecting the pump, making sure the bottles were tight.

"How do you normally do your makeup?" Alex questioned aloud, drying her brushes.

"Um.. I'm not the best, my brother's actually better than me now" I snickered, "I'm not terrible, but I definitely am not good at like.. late night looks. I'm more of a shimmer and or natural glam type of girl. I haven't properly done my makeup since Before Gemma came. I've done some stuff for New Years and Christmas.. but it wasn't anything impressive. I like your makeup" I noted, looking at her eyeshadow and highlight.

I texted with Aaliyah whilst Alex started working on my face, letting my boobs empty the milk into bottles.

I loved how comfortable I felt with Alex.

It only felt weird for a moment to be openly pumping in front of her, but she didn't make a big deal about it as she moved around my face, putting who knows what on different areas of my skin.

It was nice.

Once we were done, I inspected her work in the mirror, feeling like a whole new woman.

Makeup was magical.

A/N: Makeup look, outfit above, black strappy heels, hair curled and down

"You're a miracle worker" I praised, turning my head a little to catch the highlight against the bathroom mirror.

"Please" She scoffed, cleaning her brushes again whilst I kept tilting my face in the mirror.

"You hid all the redness from my picking" I noted, not seeing an ounce of irritated skin.

"You keep complaining about your acne, it really isn't that bad. Yeah you have acne, but so what" She replied nonchalantly.

"Let me slip that bra back on, grab my shoes and bag, put these in the freezer, and I'm ready"

"You wanted to brush your teeth, we still need to do your lipstick. Do you have to pee?" She asked, glancing over at my water bottle.

"Oh shit. God, this is why I'm always late" I griped out of breath, quickly hurrying to the kitchen to go put the breastmilk in the freezer.

I always heard that when you forgot to do it, that it felt like the worst thing in the world to pour it down the sink.

Thankfully, that hasn't happened to me yet.

I quickly sharpied the date on it, tossing the bags into the freezer before going to find my shoes and toothbrush.

"Leigh, we're not in a rush. Honestly, the later the better. Slow down before you break an ankle" She warned and I rolled my eyes, shoving her out of the bathroom so I could pee and brush my teeth in peace.

By the time we were out the door, I was extremely out of breath.

"Are you going to make it?" She laughed, turning the key in her car.

"No" I breathed out, huffing like I just ran the hardest race of my life.

"I can see that" She giggled.

It was about a 30 minute drive to the club, so we listened to the radio and had some small conversation, but somehow we landed on the topic of Colby.

"I know this is dumb, but I'm really disappointed I didn't get to wear the outfit I planned to his party. It sucks to have missed it. He did so much for me on my birthday.. he literally.." I paused, memories flashing through my head. "He.. he flew out and hung out with my relatives.. he fit in so well. It's like he's always been there.. and it just felt so nice.. and here I am, tearing his heart into pieces right before his, and now I don't even know what he did" I frowned, leaning my head against my hand, my elbow resting on the window console.

"Colby's the guy you were sort of seeing before we met right?" Alex asked and I groaned.

"I wasn't even seeing him. It's messy. We think we like each other, but I'm not ready, and I'm worried that he's in it for the wrong reasons" I confessed.

"Honestly Leighton, it sounds like you could really use this night out. Let's go drink and party and forget about all of our problems. We both look hot as fuck, so let's go find someone to mess around with and have a good time. Forget about this Colby guy, he's a nobody now. Let's go do something we'll regret"

* * * *

What do we think of Alex?

Written on: July 8th, 9th, 10th 2022

Word Count: 3.6k

Part Eight 

[lockefanfic]

Business Trip: Pt 41 - Ties

“Look what I’ve found,” Chaeyoung says as you open the door to your hotel room to find her leaning against the door frame, a bottle of amber liquor in her small hands.

You smirk at her before moving aside to let the young woman saunter into your room, your eyes admiring the lovely curve of her backside as she makes her way inside. She tosses a small plastic package onto the bed - even from the hotel room foyer you could tell they were probably zip ties.

“Is that whisky? There should be glasses on top of the mini bar-”

“We won’t need any,” she interrupts, before tearing the label from the bottle’s cap, casually tossing the label over her shoulder, and twisting off the cap. She takes a small swig right from its lips, her small features scrunching adorably as the bittersweet liquid enters her mouth.

“Fuck that’s smooth,” she says, giving the bottle an appraising look as she does so. When she looks back up at you, she raises her free hand, curling her fingertip into a ‘come hither’ motion.

Officer Miyawaki Sakura wasn’t a very good translator, if the exasperated look of frustration on Chou Tzuyu’s face was any indication.

“Tzuyu looks like she’s about to tear her head off,” Chaeyoung observes as you both observe the conversation being held in the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department’s impound lot. 

“At least she’s trying her best,” you respond. Officer Miyawaki’s enthusiasm wasn’t lacking, even if her translation skills were. You found yourself wishing you’d just brought Sana along like you’d originally planned - Sana’s original position at JYP was as a translator, after all - but Tzuyu had already contacted Officer Miyawaki in advance and made arrangements for the meeting before you could suggest bringing a translator of your own.

“She’s a hot piece, at least. How long until you’re hitting that, boss?”

You bristle a little at Chaeyoung’s words, although considering your history with each of the girls on your team you suppose she couldn’t be blamed.

“You have a thing for Japanese girls, huh?” you counter, hoping to change the subject.

Chaeyoung shrugs. “I suppose. They’re hot as fuck. I wouldn’t mind taking that one for a ride.” 

You give Chaeyoung a smirk that she ignores, her hungry eyes locked on Sakura’s desperate attempts to translate the impound lot supervisor’s words into English for Tzuyu. The liaison officer ended up relying mainly on hand gestures and body movements when she failed to come up with the right English. You couldn’t fault Chaeyoung for staring - Sakura’s large, expressive eyes and her cute features made her easy on the eyes, a bit like an anime character come to life.

“Speaking of rides, at least she scored us this one,” you say, motioning with your head towards the shiny red Ferrari a few feet away.

“Fuck yeah,” Chaeyoung agrees, the expensive sports car finally enough to take her attention away from the increasingly intense conversation taking place at the other end of the lot. She strides over to the six figure car, reaching out and grazing its sleek lines with her fingertips. “You’ve gotta let me take this for a spin sometime, boss.”

“It’s not ours, Chaeyoung. It’s strictly for the party. I can’t have you running up speed tickets or scratching it up. I’m pretty sure it belongs to some Yakuza type. There’s probably a body in the trunk.”

“C’mon, you can’t get a ride like this and not red line it every now and then. That’s what they’re built for.”

“That’s not what this one is built for. This one is built for making me look like a gangster at that cocktail party.”

The Korean girl lets out a snort of frustration, until a look of realization dawns on her cute, small features. When she begins to saunter over to where you are standing, exaggerating every sway of her hips as a sly smile appears on her lips, you knew where she was going.

“Is there some way I can… convince you, boss?”

You sigh out loud, only half hoping to dissuade her from her line of thinking.

“No, you’re not gonna use sex to get a joyride in a Ferrari out of me. If you’ll recall the last time you seduced me you left me alone, zip tied to a van in a goddamn parking lot. I owe you for that.”

Chaeyoung smirks, a devilish hook at the corners of her mouth as she recalls that evening’s events.

“Don’t say you didn’t like it.”

“Not being able to cum after you had your way with me? Yeah, that was great.”

“Okay, okay, maybe that was a little unnecessary. But, I mean, before that, the sex was good. Slapping you around definitely got me off. You were right on the edge there, weren’t you?”

“Meh,” you reply, lying. “It was alright. Maybe some of it was pretty hot, but I’ve had better.”

Chaeyoung seemed at least partially offended by your response, if the look of shock on her face was anything to go by. The look is quickly replaced by one of annoyance.

“Who the hell are you fucking that’s better than me? Momo? I get it, she’s got the bod… but I bet it’s that Sana chick on your team, isn’t it? Girl looks dangerous, I bet she’s a fucking beast in the sack. Nevermind, I know who it is. Is it Mina? I guess I have a confession to make about her. Y’see boss, she’s-”

“Chaeyoung, the bottom line is you’re not taking the Ferrari. I’ll drive it back to the hotel, and then take it to the cocktail party. We’ll return it to Tokyo PD afterwards. That’s it.”

Chaeyoung pouts. The way that she stuck out her lower lip made her look adorable despite the fact that she was clearly upset at having lost her chance at a joyride in a luxury car. She gives you a dirty look, then looks back at the Ferrari, and then back at you, as though formulating her next course of action. Being refused an opportunity with the sports car and your negative appraisal of her sexual prowess had clearly offended her more than you had expected.

“Gah, fine. We’ll make a deal,” she says after a moment of contemplation.

“I’m listening.”

“You let me take the Ferrari out for a little spin tomorrow. In return, until the cocktail party, I’ll let you take your revenge for the way I treated you last time. You did say you wanted payback, didn’t you?”

“Chaeyoung, I’ve already told you - I’m not gonna take sex as payment for something.”

“Who said anything about it being payment? This is a mutually beneficial transaction. I’m not gonna lie, I haven’t had anything non-electronic between my legs since that time in the van. I’m horny as fuck and I need a dick in me. I get to cruise around Tokyo for a bit in a Ferrari, and you get your own little fucktoy in your hotel room for a couple of days. We both win. Sounds like a great fucking deal.”

You had to admit the prospect of extracting a measure of revenge from Chaeyoung appealed to you, as did the opportunity to blow off some steam before the cocktail party, when you’d need to be 100% on point.

“Alright, fine. Deal. But no leaving me zip tied to the bed while you go reenacting Tokyo Drift in a borrowed car.”

“Agreed!” Chaeyoung says, a sly smile on her lips.

“Bring the zip ties.”

“Oh, I will. You already know this, but it won’t be soft. You better be ready, you pussy.”

“So should you.”

---

“Look what I’ve found,” Chaeyoung says as you open the door to your hotel room to find her leaning against the door frame, a bottle of amber liquor in her small hands.

You smirk at her before moving aside to let the young woman saunter into your room, your eyes admiring the lovely curve of her backside as she makes her way inside. She tosses a small plastic package onto the bed - even from the hotel room foyer you could tell they were probably zip ties.

“Is that whisky? There should be glasses on top of the mini bar-”

“We won’t need any,” she interrupts, before tearing the label from the bottle’s cap, casually tossing the label over her shoulder, and twisting off the cap. She takes a small swig right from its lips, her small features scrunching adorably as the bittersweet liquid enters her mouth.

“Fuck that’s smooth,” she says, giving the bottle an appraising look as she does so. When she looks back up at you, she raises her free hand, curling her fingertip into a ‘come hither’ motion.

You take slow steps towards the girl, enjoying the look of arousal slowly beginning to appear on her face, right along with the blush on her cheeks as the alcohol takes swift effect on her body. When you reach her she wraps her right arm around your neck as you wrap yours around her torso, diving quickly into her neck to plant kisses on her soft skin.

You’d have been lying if you’d said you weren’t looking forward to having her show up at your door. From the moment you’d come to your little agreement involving the Ferrari you’d been looking forward to having your way with her tight little body. She was so different - both physically and in terms of her personality - from the other girls on your team. She didn’t give a damn about the relationships or drama in your life, being uninvested in any of what was going on around her beyond what she needed to do to get paid. 

Her laissez faire attitude towards everything and everyone around her made her so alluring, so attractive. Ever since the first time you had her in that van you knew you had to have more. She was, like the expensive-looking glass bottle of liquor in her hands - intoxicating.

With her left hand, still clutching the bottle of whisky, she takes another shot. With her right hand, she pulls you from her neck by the hairs on the back of your head and crushes your lips with hers - before she spits the whisky into your mouth.

You savor the taste of the bitter amber liquid in your mouth before swallowing it and relishing the slow burn of it as it flows down your throat, even if some of it  missed your mouth and dripped from your chin. It tasted like sin. It tasted like lust. The devilish look on Chaeyoung’s face as she licks the spilt liquor from your chin and throat drives you insane.

She gives you a torrid, passionate kiss full of need. With a hand on your chest, she pushes you onto the bed so you are sitting on its edge.

Her deep brown eyes lock with yours as she hands you the bottle before grasping the edge of her long-sleeved sweater and peeling it off, revealing her naked torso. The collection of tattoos she sported last time you saw her undressed had grown into an almost full sleeve on her right arm, colorful and vibrant in the warm hotel room light. Her cute, youthful features stood in perfect contrast to her tattoos, fashion sense, and the way she carried herself- a juxtaposition that made her so attractive and unlike any other girl you knew.

She is lean and wiry with muscle, small and tight. You’re immediately reminded of your impression of her the first time you saw her topless - a lean feline predator, muscles always tensed and ready to pounce, always on the hunt, always hungry for her next meal.

You take another shot of the whisky. The slow burn of it on your tongue and down your throat is surpassed only by the sheer heat emanating from the topless young woman in front of you.

Chaeyoung straddles you on the bed, kissing you deeply, her tongue playing aggressively on your lips before searching your mouth for its counterpart. As you explore each others’ mouths she reaches for the bottle and takes another swig - and you take the opportunity to plant needy kisses on her upper chest, your hands creeping up her tight sides until you are cupping and squeezing her small, cute little breasts.

You want to devour her small mounds with your lips and tongue - but you possess enough self-control to look up at her before you do so, finding her eyes half-lidded with liquor and lust as she wipes her mouth with the back of a hand. 

She brings the bottle to her mouth once more, but before it reaches her lips she lets it tip, spilling golden liquid over her chest and breasts.

You have only a second to admire the sight before you reach out and catch the rapidly falling liquid, your tongue pressed tightly to her skin to lap up as much of the bitter liquor as you could. 

Her skin glistens with the whisky on it. It looks like spilt gold on pale vanilla. She smells like smokiness and lust. She tastes like cinnamon and sex.

Your tongue, saturated with whisky, finds and captures her left nipple. You close your lips around it, suckling deeply from her chest, enjoying the taste of her body and the liquor that made it spicy and bitter. Chaeyoung gasps and moans as you have your way with her chest, fondling her small mounds, suckling both of her taut nipples - roughly, hungrily, like a starved animal devouring a long-awaited meal.

She is lost in the pleasure you are bringing to her body. So lost she doesn’t notice your right hand reaching for the package of zip ties she so casually discarded onto the bed, thinking she would be the one to use them on you.

How wrong she would be. 

You bring the package behind her, using your other hand to pick a zip tie from it before dropping it to the floor. Reaching for the bottle of whisky, you take it from her hand and place it onto the nightstand. It would be a shame to spill such fine liquor, after all.

Chaeyoung is in a daze, the liquor and your work on her breasts putting her into a lust and alcohol induced stupor.

A light “Whaa--?” is all she can muster as you gather her wrists behind her back, slip the zip tie over them, and close the plastic tie shut.

“It’s my turn tonight, Chaeyoung,” you hiss as you look into her eyes. There is a look of surprise there - but when she licks her lips and realizes what you’ve done, the look of surprise turns into a look of challenge.

“Then let’s see what you can do to me, you pussy.”

You half stand from bed, forcing her off your lap - although you grasp her naked back to ensure she didn’t go falling off it. You pull your boxers off your body, kicking them off with your feet, your t-shirt soon joining them on the floor. Naked now, you sit back down on the bed before you reach up and grasp the back of Chaeyoung’s head, forcing her down roughly onto her knees between your legs, your stiff shaft inches from her face.

You consider ordering her to suck your dick - vocalizing your demand. But in her eyes is a glint of defiance tinged with lust. She opens her mouth as if to say something defiant - and you take the opportunity to force your shaft into between her open lips.

The young woman gags initially as her mouth is invaded by hard flesh, and you feel a momentary tinge of regret with your roughness - but it soon disappears when Chaeyoung closes her lips around your shaft and you feel the wet warmth of her mouth for the first time.

You’d had more than your fair share of oral sex, especially in the past few months. Some were sublimely skilled, some passionate and caring - but few had the raw enthusiasm of Chaeyoung, who wasted no time with a slow ramping up of pleasure or technique. Almost as soon as you were in her mouth she was bobbing her head up and down between your legs, her tongue pressed tightly around your underside or swirling in random patterns around your head. 

Those full lips of hers created such a delicious friction around your shaft that you had to let your head fall back and sigh with pleasure involuntarily - something you rarely did when receiving oral, because you were usually focused on enjoying the sight of the woman between your legs working her magic. Not so with Chaeyoung. Not so with her straightforward, no-bullshit approach to pleasure and the acquisition thereof.

After a while you begin to thrust your hips up into her mouth as best you could given your sitting position, even resting your left hand onto the bed to give yourself more leverage. But soon even that is not enough - you need more, need to fully take this woman’s mouth, claim it as your own.

You rise from the bed until you are standing above her, Chaeyoung taking care not to let your cock slip out from her mouth for even a moment. You grasp the back of her head with your left hand and the bottle of whisky from the nightstand with the other. As you partake in another shot of liquor you begin fucking her mouth.

The audacity of it - fucking the helpless but wanton young woman’s mouth while you took shots of a fine, expensive whisky straight from the bottle - only heightened the delicious pleasure worming its way through every fibre of your being.

It doesn’t take much longer for you to approach orgasm. Not when the feel of the young woman’s helpless mouth around your cock is so delicious, so utterly sublime - made even more so by the sight of her, hands bound by her wrists behind her back, eyes occasionally looking up at you with equal parts lust and need and a little lingering defiance, as though she wanted to show you she was capable of taking everything you had to throw at her.

Oftentimes when it came to oral sex it was just a prelude, and you or your partner or both would stop before orgasm, saving your energy for the main event. Not so tonight, and not so with Chaeyoung. You knew you had time to spare. And you knew this was just the beginning. For now, there was a lesson to be taught.

With a few last thrusts into her wet, hot mouth you bury your cock as deeply between her lips as it will go, her cute little nose bottomed out against your crotch as you finally let your orgasm overtake you and you send thick, hot semen directly down her throat.

You watch, half-drunk with both lust and liquor, as the look of resistance remains in Chaeyoung’s eyes even as she struggles, partially in vain, to swallow your seed fast enough. When begins to gag, you finally relent and remove your cock from her mouth - she coughs and spits out only enough cum to ensure she can breathe freely again before looking back up at you, a spill of semen dripping from her lips. She opens her mouth to show you a tongue thick with cum before closing it and working her throat, swallowing every drop she could.

“You like the taste of that, Chaeyoung?” you ask, the words leaving your mouth sharply.

“Meh,” she replies, eyes bold. “It was alright. I’ve had better.”

You let a smile appear on your lips. You are still clutching the hair at the back of her head, and you press her face against your still-half hard cock, still slick with your cum and her spit.

“Of course you have… you-”

“Do it. Fucking do it, you pussy. Call me what you want to call me.” Her tongue darts out to lick slick juices from your shaft, even as you smear the slick flesh against her face. “Or are you too much of a gentleman to call a woman a dirty word? Too used to fucking proper little princesses with feelings and shit? Do it. Call me what you want.”

“You fucking slut.”

There is a new glint in Chaeyoung’s eyes as you call her that name, as though it triggered something inside her that had been dormant for too long. A new hunger. She gives your cock a long lick from base to tip.

“Show me how you fuck a slut.”

You weren’t quite sure what came over you - perhaps the newfound liberty of knowing you could call Chaeyoung whatever you wanted triggered the same thing inside you as it did inside the needy, wanton young woman on her knees before you. Whatever it was, you surprised yourself with how quickly you pulled her from her knees - by her hair - and pushed her onto the side of the bed, face down, her bound arms unable to break her fall.

Her round, tight little ass in the air was too delicious to resist for much longer. You take another shot of the whisky - and by now you were a little more than half drunk - and slam it down on the nightstand before grasping the hem of Chaeyoung’s black sweatpants and ripping them from her body, finally leaving her naked and revealing the full, cute cheeks of her butt - and the glistening flesh between them.

You reach down and touch the drenched lips of her pussy, finding her dripping with need.

“Look at you, all wet and hot over a little blowjob. Swallowing my cum really got you off, didn’t it? Such a fucking slut,” you hiss, your fingertips playing lazily with her slick flesh, teasing her opening but not penetrating, watching her squirm and writhe on the bed in a vain attempt to force you to do more to her wanton body.

“Is that what makes your other girls cum? Just a finger in their pussy?”

You slide a finger inside her to the first knuckle, and when she quivers and twitches deliciously, you push deeper until you are two knuckles deep. Soon you add a second finger into her heat, enjoying the feel of her plentiful juices already gathering in your palm as you finger fuck her with slow strokes of your digits.

“You like that, don’t you? Look at you. Drenched already from a little finger fucking.”

“I want something bigger in there. Shut the fuck up and stick your cock in me already.” 

A devilish smile finds its way unto your lips as you grasp the young woman’s hips and bring your own to meet hers, your quickly hardening cock resting between the cheeks of her ass. You give her a few shallow strokes, enjoying the feel of her firm flesh on either side of your shaft as she squirms and writhes atop the bed - impatient, needy.

You reach down, placing the tip of your new rock hard cock against her slick lips, swirling the sensitive head around the entrance to her body, enjoying the feel of her heat and the slick wetness of her juices. 

“Beg for it, Chaeyoung.”

“Fuck you,” she hisses.

“I think you’re the one that’s about to be fucked.”

“Oh yeah? Then fucking do it, you pussy.”

Her constant resistance to you annoys you - angers you, even. Naked, bent over the side of the bed, arms bound behind her back, already helpless to your will; but still defiant, calling you names, challenging your every move.

You give her taut ass a firm slap, eliciting a sharp, unexpected yelp from the girl. You bend over her, grasping the back of her head once more, pulling at her hair and lifting it from the bed. As you bend over you allow your cock to press a little deeper between the wet lips of her pussy. Her flesh quivers. Her body trembles.

“Fucking beg for it, you slut.”

Chaeyoung breathes sharply from her nose, teeth still gritted, struggling to hold on to the remainder of her defiance, knowing that she was so close to getting what she desired and what her body needed.

“F-fuck you, you p-pussy.”

You pull back on her head. She yelps in unexpected but delicious pain. You penetrate her a little more, the entire head of your cock now buried into her entrance, her slick lips wrapped around it as though not wanting to let it go.

“What was that?”

A few moments pass. Moments of delicious silence. Her body quivers, betraying the needs of her body. 

“F-fuck me!”

“What was that?”

“Fuck me already! I want it. Give it to me. Fuck me like the little slut that I am. Fuck me over and over and make me your little fucktoy. Your little slut!”

A dam broken, a trigger pulled. 

You push her head back down onto the bed. You grasp her hips, plant your feet, and drive yourself into her hot, tight little pussy.

No build up, no slow and steady increase in pace or depth. From the very beginning you are fucking Son Chaeyoung with hard, stiff strokes, nailing her tight, taut little body into the bed with each entry and exit of your cock into her dripping hot pussy.

The hotel room is filled with the sounds of hot flesh slapping against hot flesh; your soft grunts of effort; and Chaeyoung’s wordless cries of pleasure, both airy sighs and some deeper moans - all combining to fill the air with an unfiltered soundtrack of sex and lust.

“F-fuck! Fuck me!” Chaeyoung gasps, finally managing to form her moans and gasps into coherent words, even if they were stifled by the fact that half her face was buried in the bed. You slap her ass in response until the cheeks grow red. Your hips move faster, pistoning in and out of her body. Her pussy responds with each penetration - growing tighter, wetter, hotter.

The pleasure in your loins and the liquor in your blood have made you drunk, yes, but added to those already potent poisons is the sense of accomplishment - of finally having broken Son Chaeyoung, of having finally achieved some measure of revenge for the way she left you unfulfilled during your last meeting. Watching her helpless body on the bed, unable to do anything but take your pistoning cock in and out of her needy pussy, intoxicated you more than the liquor ever could.

You smack her ass with an open palm, her tight little butt now red and sore, each slap eliciting a short yelp or soft gasp from the bound young woman. You relished the control and power you had over her, bending over to grasp her slim shoulders and using them as leverage to drive yourself deeper and harder into the soft wet hole between her legs. It is harsh, hard, callous, the way you are fucking her - but her loud grunts and moans indicated that she had no qualms with the way she was being treated. Quite the opposite, in fact - she loved it. Loved being fucked hard, loved being used like a mere toy.

You do your best to savor every moment, every thrust of your cock into her body. You relish the sight of her bound hands, her fingers curled just as her toes surely were, seeking some sort of outlet for the pleasure erupting from between her legs to invade every inch of her taut little body. The sounds of her moans and gasps spilling unbidden and unhindered from lips equally drunk as yours. Above all was the feel of her body - of her slim hips and tight ass beneath your clenching palms, and the silken wet sheath of her pussy as you fuck her with hard, stiff strokes.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck - I- I’m gonna fucking cum! Your slut’s gonna cum on your cock!” she gasps.

You were nearing your own breaking point. Quicker than you thought, but the tight little orgasming pussy wrapped around your cock was pushing you right to the edge. You grit your teeth as you struggle to hold on amidst the hurricane of pleasure overtaking your senses.

It takes the greatest of your efforts to hold on as she orgasms, her pussy tightening and pulsating in random patterns around your cock, the whole of her body turning into a quivering mess atop the bed, mouth frozen open in a wordless gasp, hands behind her back clutching at nothing. 

You fuck her through the entirety of her orgasm, teeth gritted, hands gripping her tiny waist and slim hips so hard you knew you’d be leaving bruises there the next day. But you didn’t care. The only thing that mattered was fucking the young, tight little slut on your cock.

It takes Chaeyoung almost a minute to recover from her orgasm. The whole time you’d been drilling her into the bed. When she is finally able to, she turns her head as best she can to look at you, mouth agape, saliva dripping messily from the corner of her mouth. The very picture of a young woman lost in the throes of lust and sex. 

“Fucking cum in me,” she says, the words a desperate hiss, “fucking fill your slut with your cum!”

Another trigger. Another sudden blaze of lust and alcohol fueled anger. You reach down and grasp the back of her head, fingertips pulling hard at the hair on her scalp until she is almost standing upright in front of you. You bury your cock inside her, eliciting a yelp from her throat, before bringing your mouth next to her ear as you fill her small hole with stiff meat.

“I don’t cum inside sluts.”

Before she can react you push her down onto the bed again and resume fucking her helpless body. 

Your orgasm comes soon after. It takes every ounce of self-control in your body to pull your aching cock from the grasping lips of her pussy. Grasping your cock with your right hand, you pump it quickly, and soon your orgasm overtakes you as you cum and spurt thick, hot ropes of cum onto Chaeyoung’s raised ass and lower back, painting her pale skin with white semen.

Your world collapses as you cum, your senses refusing to work all at once as the liquor, physical exertion, and the sheer pleasure of your orgasm all combine to overload your brain. For a few moments you feel as though a heavy mist has descended over you.

Pleasure. For a few delicious moments, with your senses dulled and unable to process anything else, it was all that existed. You relish it, breathe in its sweet warmth as it worms its way throughout your body.

When you are able to open your eyes again, the sight of Chaeyoung, face down on the bed, raised ass painted with streaks of thick hot semen, is the first thing to greet your weary eyes.

“I fucking… wanted you... to cum inside me,” she manages to say, her face half buried in bedsheets and messy blonde hair.

You bend over her wet, sweaty body to bring your mouth to her ear.

“I will, soon enough. But I didn’t get what I wanted in the van, so this time you won’t, either.”

You give her ass a spank, delighting in the sight of your cum as it flowed down her still-upraised cheeks to stain the pristine white bed sheets; you looked forward to adding more filth to it in the day or so to come before the cocktail party. You slowly make your way to the washroom to clean yourself up, taking one last moment to relish in the sight of Chaeyoung’s spent, well-fucked body still sprawled on the bed, still face down, breathing heavily in an attempt to recover from the way you had used her. She makes no effort to move, much less remove the zip ties binding her arms behind her back.

You pick up the discarded package of zip ties from the floor and place it on the night stand. They’d be needed soon enough.

“For now, we’re even,” you tell her.

---

It didn’t take long for you to follow up on your promise to cum inside Chaeyoung - following a quick rest you were both right back at it, and soon, on her back with her legs on your shoulders and her wrists zip tied to the corners of the bed, you finally came inside her, filling her small, tight little body with a generous load of thick semen for the first of what was probably going to be many times.

It was still warm and dripping from her needy pussy when she pushed you into the washroom, ostensibly to clean up, but in reality because she had suddenly decided she wanted sex in the shower. Soon she was pressed against the shower wall, wrists zip tied above her to the shower head, her cute little tits pressed against the steamy, wet tile as you fucked her from behind and filled her already dripping pussy with a second load of cum. 

The girl was almost as insatiable as Nayeon - it took only the greatest of self-discipline (and the fact that your cock was now sore with exertion) to pull her hungry mouth from your cock long enough to get dressed. Even as you tossed on sweatpants and a hoodie, she tried to lick your combined juices from your sore shaft, zip ties in one hand, almost begging you to tie her up again. 

The sex and the liquor had made you both hungry, and you volunteered to go to the convenience store across the street to grab a cheap (but still delicious, as most convenience store food was in Asia) dinner. Within a few minutes you are on your way back to the hotel with a few full bags of food, liquor and sports drinks - you had a feeling you’d need a healthy amount of supplies to keep you going for the next day and a half if Chaeyoung’s appetite for sex over the past few hours was any indication.

It was by sheer coincidence that you happen to catch a glimpse of two women in the midst of a conversation inside the small coffee shop that was in the entrance hall of the hotel. While the glass to the coffee shop is tinted, you see enough to reveal to you that it is Nayeon and Sana.

You watch as they finish their conversation - Sana, appearing ever bright and friendly, offers Nayeon a warm hug which the older girl hesitantly accepts. Sana follows it up with a cheerful smile and wave goodbye before she leaves the coffee shop using a side exit - an odd choice, given that the main exit through the hotel’s entrance was closer.

You catch a glimpse of her as she leaves, noticing that the bright, friendly aura she’d had a moment prior had been replaced with a look of quiet determination.

Likewise, in the coffee shop, Nayeon’s friendly and polite exterior had similarly left her face, being replaced now with a worried look, as though she were suddenly deep in thought. It was enough to cause you to approach her.

“Hey,” you say in greeting, “I just saw Sana leave. Everything okay?”

“Just fine,” she says, her eyes giving you a head to toe scan before straying to the full bags of food and drink in your hands. “I see you’re stocking up for a day full of fun before our operation in a couple of days. Which girl is it?” she asks, a poorly-hidden streak of disdain in her voice.

It surprised you somewhat that she was able to deduce what you were up to with a mere glance at your appearance and what you were carrying. But Nayeon had always been a sharp one - observant and quick to pick up on the details - and you supposed that was what made her such a good detective.

“Doesn’t matter. Can I ask what that conversation was about? You looked pretty worried just now.”

“Don’t you have some needy young lady upstairs somewhere that you need to attend to?”

“It can wait. And this is my team, even if you’re running this particular operation. I should know what’s going on.”

Nayeon relents with a sigh, beckoning you to take the seat across from her, which you take.

“Sana wanted to meet up with me to discuss the operation - on the downlow, of course, so if it comes up, this conversation never happened. Anyway, she was wondering which of the three Japanese team members you’d be taking on-site with you to the cocktail party.”

“I was wondering that myself. Each of them seemed pretty eager to be the one that goes on-site.”

“Yeah, and I’ve been putting a lot of thought into it as well. It’s a pretty big decision. Mina was my second pick and she would have been great, what with that entire high-class princess aura she’s got going on, but JYP pulled her into a video conference call scheduled at the same time - something about a legal matter in your European offices. Whatever the reason, she’s unavailable.”

“She was the second pick? Who was your first?”

“Momo. She’s got good on-site decision making and preparation. You know she’d do her homework and be ready to act on it the day of the op. Not to mention she’s hot as fuck and she’d probably turn some heads at the party, so she could use that to her advantage to wrestle some leads from loose tongues.”

“Agreed. Sounds like you’ve made up your mind.”

“I did. Until that conversation just now with Sana.”

You feel the beginnings of concern arising in the corners of your brain. Sana had been hard-working and supportive since the resolution of the entire Choa and Jeongyeon kidnapping episode, working steadily and doing her part whenever she was called upon. And while you and the rest of the team had long since forgiven her for the betrayal she’d pulled in Taiwan involving the theft of Seolhyun’s data, you’d never forgotten what she was capable of. 

“Go on,” you say, equal parts afraid and curious of what Sana had to say to Nayeon.

“She wants to be the one to go on-site with you. Mina’s unavailable so she’s out of the running, but Sana brought up some questions about Momo - like her questionable fluency in Japanese, and how that could blow your cover. She also mentioned how she’s more focused and determined, whereas Momo tends to get frazzled and blank out sometimes mid-op when she’s faced with unexpected events; you saw how dazed she was immediately after the shooting in Seoul.”

You think back to the events in Red Velvet’s apartment, and it was true - the gunshots had dazed everyone, but Momo especially. She was in a dazed stupor that you had to physically shake her out of.

“And this is just me speaking,” Nayeon continues, “but I think Sana looks a little more approachable. She can be hot and cute, depending on the circumstances. That might open up more opportunities to approach men with different tastes.”

You take a moment to digest Nayeon’s words, and how they confirmed your suspicions - that Sana was undermining Momo again behind the older girl’s back. The drama she’d stirred up in Hawaii regarding her feelings for you hadn’t long left your mind, and you wondered how much it played into her desire to ensure that she, not Momo, would be the one to spend some intimate, private time with you during the operation.

“And what do you think, Nayeon?” you ask, curious to see if Sana’s charms had worked on the detective.

“Firstly I see right through that little ‘I’m the cutest most friendliest girl in the whole world’ schtick she’s got going on. I know she’s smarter than she lets on… but she brings up good points. I was pretty set on Momo, but after that conversation, I’m not so sure.”

Nayeon looks towards the coffee shop exit Sana used to leave the hotel, her brow furrowed in deep thought.

“I’m going to be honest,” she continues, “I think either of them would be a good pick. What about you? Who would you rather bring with you?”

You take a moment to consider the situation. It was clear Sana had ulterior motives behind her desire to go on the operation, even if she did bring up good points regarding how useful she could be in comparison to Momo. You’d been putting it off for awhile, but perhaps it was time to set the record straight with Sana regarding her feelings for you and how they were affecting the team. If you set her straight before the operation and asked her to put aside her feelings for you for now, the operation itself would be a good way to test her dedication to her promise.

The fact that Sana had gone out of her way to approach Nayeon and argue her case for selection also raised your suspicions - the fact that she did so secretly, without going through you, only raised them further. She’d been hard-working and diligent in her duties, but until now she’d only been assigned or selected for those duties by you or someone else on the team. She’d never volunteered for an operation. Surely her desire to undermine your relationship with Momo played some part in her actions, but you were curious if she had any further motives to be on-site beyond that.

There was only one way to be sure. You stand and gather the bags at your feet before giving Nayeon your decision.

“Tell Sana she’s the one going on the op.”

---

Author’s Note: And that’s (probably) the last chapter for the year! There will be a separate thank-you post to wrap up the year as it’s been a big one for me and my work. 

Until then I hope everyone’s safe and enjoying the holidays. Best wishes to you and all your loved ones :)

[sassyhobbits]

Could we have an oln extra from elorcan pretty please *doggy eyes*

it would be my pleasure ;)

this takes place about a year before the ons epilogue!!!!!

elorcan ons oneshot pt1

~~~

Lorcan Salvaterre considered himself to be a level-headed man. He had immense patience and rarely let his emotions, positive or negative, get the better of him.

That’s why it was so surprising that anxiety had been roiling in his gut for the past week.

In the two years he had been living in Terrasen, so many things had changed.

Aelin had given him a job in security at the palace and he had recently been promoted to the head. His relationship with Elide had been growing stronger and stronger with each passing day. They had recently moved in together, Elide moving away from her native Perranth to work more closely with her family in the capital.

Lorcan never would have expected that the chore of traveling to Terrasen with Remelle would lead to so many wonderful things in his life.

He knew that he was in love with Elide. It was like nothing else he had ever felt in his life. He had never cared for anyone the same way he cared for her. It only meant one thing.

Which was why he was anxious.

Lorcan held no doubts about the fact that Elide loved him just as he loved her.

Yet the idea of proposing to her was utterly terrifying.

It hadn’t been a dramatic moment when he realized he wanted to marry her.

It had been a lazy morning in the apartment, and Elide had started on some eggs. Lorcan remembered leaning back on the kitchen island, admiring how she looked in his shirt, her dark hair glistening in the golden morning sun. And… he had just known. That he wanted to marry her. It hadn’t felt like a new idea, instead something he had discovered deep inside of him, as if it had always been there. Elide was it for him, that he knew.

But to propose to her, he would first need to get a fucking ring.

It was much more daunting a task than he would have expected.

Lorcan didn’t truly have an eye for finery, he never had, but he knew Elide deserved the very best.

Which was why he was calling for backup.

He made the call as he was driving towards the palace for work, dialing the number of someone he knew would be there. The other line rang for a few moments, and Lorcan wondered if he wouldn’t answer. But, there was finally a click and an irritable voice barking through the speaker.

“What the fuck do you want, Lorcan?”

Lorcan couldn’t stop himself from grinning at Rowan’s anger. There were only a few times when his friend would give in to his frustrations.

“I’m sorry, was I interrupting something?” Lorcan asked coyly. Rowan had confided in him earlier that month that he and Aelin had finally decided to try for a baby. Which meant they were having a ridiculous amount of sex.

“You know you did, you ass,” Rowan grumbled. Lorcan heard a soft, feminine laugh from the background followed by the shifting of sheets. It seemed whatever had been happening was now over. “What do you want?”

Lorcan simply blurted it out. “I need to buy a ring for Elide so I can propose but I don’t know where to start.”

There were a few heartbeats of all-encompassing silence on the other end of the call. “Oh. Wow. That’s big news, Lor.”

“Yeah… but, are you busy today? Can you help?”

Rowan released a long sigh. Lorcan could practically envision him running a hand through his short, silver hair. “I would, but to be honest, I wouldn’t know what to do either. I didn’t even pick out Aelin’s engagement ring myself.”

Damn. Lorcan had forgotten about that. They were so damned in love with each other that it was easy to forget about the rocky start to their originally arranged marriage.

“But,” Rowan continued. “I know someone who could help, if you want to call in the big guns.”

“Yeah. Anything. I need to get this right. Elide deserves it.”

“Damn right. I’ll let her know.”

…

The big gun’s Chanel heels clicked noisily on the marble floor of the jewelry shop she had picked out. As princess, Aelin Galathynius held a lot of sway and managed to get them a private shopping appointment at the shop she insisted would have what he needed.

She had spent the morning and the entirety of the ride to the shop giving him a basic understanding of jewelry and what women wanted. He hadn’t even thought about how the band color should compliment skin tone or that there were better ways of cutting diamonds. Some women didn’t even want diamonds as the main stones. Aelin’s own was an emerald. It was far more complicated than he had hoped.

Lorcan had never really spent much time one-on-one with the princess, but he liked her well enough. Her attitude had grated him the wrong when they had first met, but it soon found out that she was actually a good person. Tough as nails, too. She would make a fearsome queen one day.

“I’m not going to pick the ring out for you,” Aelin said shortly, smoothing out her silk skirt. “Elide deserves better than that. But, I can point you in the right direction.”

“Whatever you say.”

The princess gave a curt nod and motioned towards a glimmering display, filled with stunning, beautiful rings. He watched as Aelin ran an expert eye over them.

“These are the best designers,” she explained. “The rings are beautiful and crafted perfectly. Quality. If you want to get Elide something nice, this is where you’d get it.”

Lorcan nodded slowly, looking back towards the countless rings. He felt his nerves build up again as he looked towards them, wondering how the hell he was supposed to know which one was the right one. He felt Aelin’s eyes skipping back and forth from the jewelry to him, and he had no doubt she had already decided which one Elide would like best. He didn’t know if he wanted to thank her or strangle her for not telling him which one it was.

Lorcan took a deep breath, trying to tame his pounding heart. He studied the rows slowly, attempting to find one that he knew would encapture the woman he loved. He was just beginning to think that it was hopeless, that he’d fuck it up no matter what, when his gaze finally caught on one.

It was made of a bright, gleaming silver that twisted gracefully, supporting an oval-shaped diamond. A few smaller diamonds embraced the middle one each side. It was simple, but elegant. Lorcan knew Elide wouldn’t want the ring with the largest diamond on it, wouldn’t want it to be too loud or ostentatious. But this… this was perfect. He could already practically see it perched on her finger.

“That one,” Lorcan said confidently, pointing towards the ring. “That one is perfect.”

He looked towards Aelin, finding her lips spreading in a slow smile. She gave a pleased nod. “That’s an excellent choice. Elide’ll love that one.”

It was in that moment that it fully settled on Lorcan that this was real, that this was happening. He was going to propose to the women he loved. And hopefully she would say yes.

“I’m happy for you, Lorcan,” Aelin said earnestly. “For some reason, your miserable ass makes Elide very happy, and I can see she does the same for you. I’m glad you found each other.” With that, her eyes narrowed slightly and she leaned closer, lowering her voice. “That being said if you hurt her, what I’d do to you would make what I did to Hamel and his men seem merciful. Understand?”

It was easy to forget that under that golden hair and pretty clothes, Aelin Galathynius was a certified bad-ass. One that even Lorcan didn’t want to get on the bad side of. Not that he would ever admit that to her aloud. It would make her already enormous ego that much bigger.

“Believe me when I say,” Lorcan began. “That I am going to do everything in my power to make Elide happy until the darkness claims us.”

Aelin seemed satisfied with that answer. “I do believe you. Now, let’s get that ring.”

…

Buying the ring was only half of the struggle. Now Lorcan had to figure out the best way to propose to Elide.

It was constantly on the back of his mind, no matter what he was doing. At work, in the shower, lounging around the apartment with Elide… it wouldn’t leave him alone.

Neither would Aelin fucking Galathynius. Every time she saw him in the halls, she would bother him with questions about it. Whether or not he had picked a time, or if he was ever going to pull his head out of his ass and ask her at all. It was annoying as hell. He wasn’t going around asking her every thirty minutes if Rowan had finally knocked her up. But… although she was mildly infuriating, it was somehow a pretty good motivator.

After a week and a half of the idea of the ring burning a hole through his mind, Lorcan finally decided it was time.

It was Lysandra’s birthday, and they had all gathered at the palace to celebrate with friends and family. It was a small, private affair, but it didn’t make it any less enjoyable. In fact, Lorcan preferred it over large parties any day.

They enjoyed a nice dinner, everyone wishing Lysandra a happy birthday. She was beaming the entire night with Aedion by her side. Their own wedding was only two weeks away.

Lorcan had struggled to pay attention to the others around him all evening. His attention had been pinned on Elide the entire time. She looked lovely tonight in a silky, violet top and high-waisted white trousers, dark hair falling down her back in a gleaming sheet.

If anyone noted his distraction during dinner, they didn’t say anything. By the time desert had been consumed and they had moved to the parlor for cocktailing, he was nearly jittery. Or as close to jittery as he would allow himself to become.

He had finished one drink before he decided it was time. He was done with playing around.

“Elide, love?” he murmured into her ear from where he was sitting next to her on the couch.

“Yes, Lor?” she asked, turning towards him. Her fair cheeks were flushed from either the wine or laughing with her friends, dark eyes practically sparkling with happiness. The sight made his heart swell.

“Will you come with me for a bit?”

Elide raised a dark brow in question but nodded, placing her glass on the low table before her. Most of the room was too lost in conversation to notice them slipping quietly away, but Aelin’s sharp eyes landed on him. She was tucked under Rowan’s arm, lips spreading in a slow, knowing smile. As soon as Elide’s back was turned, the princess mouthed, Good luck.

Lorcan refrained from scowling at her, slipping his hand into Elide’s and guiding her gently out of the parlor.

The halls were dark and quiet, the light of the full moon bathing the marble floors in a pale glow. It almost felt as if they were the only two people in the world. Lorcan wouldn’t have minded that one bit.

The ring box felt like a massive weight in his pocket as he held Elide’s hand tighter.

“What are you up to, Salvaterre?” Elide asked playfully, leaning into his side.

“You’ll see soon enough.”

“A surprise?”

“You’ll see.”

Elide narrowed her eyes suspiciously. He could practically see the wheels turning in her mind. She was too smart for her own good. It was one of the things he loved about her. Lorcan wouldn’t put it past her to figure out what he was about to do before he did it. He could only hope that the gods were on his side tonight.

Lorcan led Elide outside towards the gardens. They were a beautiful space, taken meticulous care of throughout the year, filled with trimmed bushes and aromatic flowers. The summer air was comfortably warm, filled with the scent of night-blooming jasmine. With the light of the stars above them and the privacy, it was a perfectly romantic spot.

Lorcan led Elide over to a low, white stone bench situated before a tinkling fountain. He urged her to sit, taking the spot beside her, refusing to release her hand. He rubbed his thumb in slow circles over the smooth skin of her knuckles.

Lorcan tried to will words to his mouth, but it seemed the nerves had finally taken hold, making it far more difficult than he was used to.

“Elide,” he finally managed to rasp out, lifting his gaze to meet hers. “You mean the world to me. I love you more than I have ever loved anything in my lifetime. You know that, right?”

Elide smiled softly and nodded, placing her palm on the side of her face and looking deeply into his eyes. “I know. And I love you just the same.”

He didn’t think ELide would ever understand just how much those words meant to him. He was undeserving of a woman like Elide, but he would try every day of his life to become worthy of her.

“Elide…” Lorcan breathed. “You’re the love of my life. I treasure every day, every moment, I get to spend with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you… if you’ll have me.” With that, Lorcan slid from the bench to the ground, getting down on one knee on the soft grass. He pulled the velvet box from his pocket, prying it open and holding it out towards Elide, feeling as though he was holding his very heart out in his hands.

Elide gasped and slapped a hand over her chest, eyes wide.

“Elide Lochan…” Lorcan said lowly, watching her face as her lips pressed together tightly and her eyes began to glisten in the silvery moonlight. “Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

The single second of silence that followed his question was excruciating. But, eventually Elide relieved his suffering by choking out a sob and nodding.

“Yes, Lorcan,” she gasped. “Yes, of course I’ll marry you.”

Lorcan released a breathy laugh, almost unable to believe that she had actually said yes. He recovered from his shock quickly, taking Elide’s hand within his own and slipping the ring on to her finger. He had been right, it did look perfect on her.

“It’s beautiful, Lorcan,” Elide whispered, looking at the diamond for one more moment before launching herself at him. Her arms wrapped around the back of her neck as her lips came crashing down upon his. Lorcan didn’t hesitate before sweeping her up in his arms and rising, kissing the woman he loved, his fiancé, deeply.

“I love you so much,” Elide murmured against his mouth, laughing and crying and kissing him.

“I love you too, Elide. So much.”

Lorcan’s heart had never been fuller.

…

They stayed in the quiet gardens for a bit longer, lounging in the peace and privacy they provided. Lorcan held Elide the entire time, whispering in her ear about how beautiful she was and how excited he was to marry her.

But, eventually they decided to head back inside to their friends and break the news.

Elide wore a smile on her face the entire walk back. Lorcan had a matching one of his own.

As they reached the threshold, the low murmuring of voices faded away, all eyes on them. Neither he nor Elide said anything at first, only wearing those grins.

Eventually, Aelin sat up straighter, and demanded, “Well?!”

Lorcan looked down at Elide as she slowly raised her left hand higher, showing off her new ring. “We’re getting married!”

The room erupted into shouts of surprise and congratulations. Not all of them had known what Lorcan had planned to do. He figured the less people who had known the better, especially since Fenrys had a big, fat mouth.

Lorcan dealt with the attention the best he could, accepting a hug from Lysandra, clasping forearms with Aedion and Rowan, and shoving Fenrys away when he placed a smacking kiss upon his cheek.

Once the initial surprise had gone away, they all moved to sitting down once more. Aedion grabbed a bottle of champagne and popped it open to celebrate.

“Being engaged is all fun and games until it comes to the wedding planning,” Lysandra sighed dramatically. From across the room, Rowan gave a tiny grunt of agreement as Aedion nodded solemnly. “It’s so much work. You just want everything to go perfect. I’m still stressing about ours.”

“I’m sure everything will be great,” Elide assured her. “For both of us.”

“Yeah, and just think about it,” Aelin added, running her fingers through Rowan’s short hair. “No matter what happens at either of your weddings… it won’t be nearly as bad as our first one.”

A beat of silence.

Lorcan watched as Rowan looked up towards his wife disapprovingly. “That’s still not funny, Aelin.”

“It’s a little funny. It’s okay to laugh.”

Although Rowan didn’t take her up on that offer, the rest of them released tiny chuckles. It wasn’t much longer that they were back to rapid-fire conversation and rambunctious laughter. Rowan and Aelin as well as Aedion and Lysandra shared stories about the woes of wedding planning. Although it did seem daunting, Lorcan held no doubt in his heart that they would persevere.

He glanced back down at Elide, the woman that he loved, before brushing a kiss over the top of her hair. She leaned deeper into his side, snuggling close.

Every minute of work would be worth it to call Elide his wife.

[ateezbabygirl]

Ateez Mafia Reaction: To their S/O seeing them kill for the first time

Part 2

PARK SEONGHWA

No matter how well versed you had become with the mafia life, nothing could prepare you with the fact of witnessing the love of your life becoming a monster. When you visit the headquarters, you thought it would be good idea to check with the security room about your lover’s whereabouts instead of running around everywhere to find your man. But the moment you walked in, you wished you could turn back time. The security tape would be playing with Seonghwa on the screen. Before the members could warn you, you move closer to take a look. There he was, torturing a young man with taser and laughing at his face when he failed to respond to Seonghwa.

The look of sheer horror would cloud your face as the members would scramble when they notice your presence in the security room. They would go around trying to shut off the tape and alert Seonghwa about your situation. Although they successfully managed to shut down the tape, you could vividly see it playing inside your head on repeat. But instead of being hysterical, you would become numb with the feeling as your mind goes blank. So much so that you wouldn’t even bat an eye when Seonghwa appears in front of you to take you to somewhere private.

KIM HONGJOONG

Hongjoong took pride in his work and it was something that you could never understand. How could he sleep everyday knowing that so many people die because of him. Even though you were madly in love with him you would sometimes struggle by yourself, time to time. When he was with you, he was the sweetest person. You had no doubt that he cherished you. But the mere thought of him, the person you loved, killing other people without mercy would slowly rip your relationship apart.

It would affect to the extent that you wouldn’t be able to look at him, every time he would walk into a room, you’d walk out.

Hongjoong would get mad at first as he just wanted to spend time with you after a hard day at work but you’d ignore him. He would grab your arm and make you face him. But one look at your face and his hands would fall limp to his sides. He would crumble at the thought of you being scared of him. Even though he avoided it when he was with you , he knew that one day it would come back him. Instead of feeling like the protector, he’d become the monster.

JEONG YUNHO

Yunho loves going out on dates with you and thought of them as mandatory to your relationship and so did you. He would invest a lot of time to plan for the dates regardless of his work. And that was Yunho for you. You would never really think about his other side as he would rarely show that to you.

This time he had planned a casino date for you. Even though he had made sure that it was completely safe for you. The rival gang had gotten to know about and and started a shootout in order to catch Yunho off guard and kill him. Since Yunho had minimal security with him his main concern would be to get you to safety. But in order to ensure that, he would pull out the gun and shot 3 men point blank while you watched. Yunho wouldn’t be aware of your state of mind as you dodged bullets.

“Don’t worry baby. I’ll kill these fuckers before they can even aim a shot at us.”

Even though Yunho’s word brought a little glimmer of hope for you, the blood would become too much to handle as you enter into shock. You wouldn’t even notice Yunho taking a bullet for you. As his men swarmed the place and usher you to safety you make a run for it when the coast is clear.

KANG YEOSANG

You knew Yeosang’s line of work was not for the weak and you had come to accept it as a part of him. But witnessing him doing it didn’t turn out too well for you. When you on your way to see Yeosang , you spot him near the alleyway with a lot of men surrounding him. Just thinking of it as the usual business you would go on.

But when you were close enough you hear a gunshot ring in the air. As you move closer you see that Yeosang had put a bullet through a man’s head and was now barking orders at his men. Sudden anxiety gripped your heart as you tried to steady your breathing but your hands were shaking so much you had trouble covering up your mouth. You soon hear footsteps approaching you.

“It’s okay, it’s over now.”

Yeosang would envelope you in a hug and tried to calm you down. But his sudden proximity would trigger something in you and you weren’t able hold in the tears anymore.Even though he knew his words were nothing but empty because he was certain deep down that this would change everything.

CHOI SAN

San was definitely a man to be feared. You, however, being an exception to his aura couldn’t care less about him. And that’s what he loved about you in the first place. 

You wanted to surprise him since you knew he had a tough job. And you thought it would be a good idea to ease him a little. When the members directed you to his location they forgot to warn you that he was in the middle of work. As soon as you entered you were met with the pungent smell of blood and a badly decapitated body with San standing above him. He calls out to you, thinking it was one of his men.

“Dispose off the body and send the head to the rival gang. They should know better than to mess with me.”

When he turns around you are greeted with a horrific sight that would haunt you in the coming days. San wore a crazed look with a cold smile and had blood splattered across the clothes. Soon enough his smile dropped and he tries to approach you. But you run away as far as your legs would take you.

SONG MINGI

Mingi was somebody that would kill shamelessly when the time arrives. You knew in his line of work he has to be merciless. But he’d kept that negativity away from you, giving you nothing but utter care and respect. And you returned the same, so you never meddled with his work or got too involved in the Mafia business. And it was much appreciated by Mingi. But the dangers lurking in shadows would not leave you be.

The night someone had managed to get past the security and break into your home. Mingi had no hesitation in pulling the trigger. No matter what the situation maybe, you would always be his first priority. Anything that was a threat to you wouldn’t be tolerated in anyway by Mingi. And that night you became well aware of it.

As Mingi came back to his senses, his first instinct was to check on you and make sure of your well being. But all thoughts would fly out of his head the moment he turned towards you to make sure that you’re okay and he would then notice the scared look on your face. A look he had worked so hard for, to avoid.

JUNG WOOYOUNG

Wooyoung was never the one to keep secrets, not for anything. He just preferred to avoid certain topics, topics related to his work especially. He had built barriers between his work and personal life. But it was inevitable. So when you saw him kill someone, your heart took the worst hit. You were on the way his office, passing by the chambers where usually the interrogation was done. A man suddenly came out running towards the staircase. But his escape was cut short when Wooyoung points his gun at him and shoots him.

What he fails to see is that you were in his line of shooting too, so if he wanted to he could’ve easily shot you. That thought disturbed you peace of mind and had you frozen in your place.

Wooyoung finally notices your presence and suddenly the dark look is gone from his face, replaced by the bright sunshine smile that you fell in love with. But in that very moment he felt nothing more than a stranger to you. Wooyoung stepped over the dead body as if it was nothing and made his way towards you, leaving in wake his bloody footprints. But when you backed away from him as he’d reach out to grab you, he knew he fucked up.

CHOI JONGHO

Jongho would be an amazing boyfriend. He would always give you the care and attention you needed. He showed nothing but patience. But that patience was cut short one day. Your relationship was put to test when you witnessed him killing members of rival gang cold blooded. They had intercepted your vacation which hadn’t gone down well with Jongho. Even though a part of you was amazed that he managed to take out a group single handedly, fear overloaded your senses.

He wouldn’t really care that you saw as he and you both knew about his line of work. So all he did was pull you way from the scene and inform the others of what went down. But when you’re alone in the car with him and he would try to go on normally, by holding hands with you as he drove out of the crime scene area, you would avoid him. Even though he realized that you were scared of him, he felt indifferent towards it. It had to be done because it was him or them.

“You know about my job and what comes with it. What were you expecting ?”

But when you don’t give him the answer he needs, he runs out of patience and says something he’ll regret. And in that very moment both of you knew that it was far from the point of return.

“If you don’t like it, then leave.”

[kth1]

Atmosphere [Namjoon x Reader]

Atmosphere [Namjoon x Reader] ⟶ Credits: @kimtaehyunq​ ⟶ Genre: Smut | 21+ | Celebrity/Boyfriend AU | One Shot ⟶ Warnings: strong/mature theme, adult content, language, titty play, we remembered the condom this time, slight angst, slight dom elements, more fluff, a bit of overstimulation, soft and cute ending, etc ⟶ WC: 8.2k+ ⟶ Summary: Namjoon and you have been dating for a few years now, fully aware of the worries a relationship with a celebrity would be like. One night you spoke up, showing a bit of jealously after him coming back home from a promotional trip across seas. You didn’t mean to slip up, you didn’t want to taint the air with insecurities, but you lost your composure. Don’t worry, you guys figure it out. ⟶ Teaser: “Namjoon can read you like a book, knew exactly what to do when to do it. He fully enjoyed the way your body reacted to him, how simple of a task for him to pleasure you in this way. Your cries from pleasure giving him excitement that he was treating you the way you deserve.” ⟶ Author’s note: Finally, I didn’t write a story in first-person. I caught myself several times having to fix my context of wording, but I did it for you! I had this story in mind for a while, but it felt difficult to tie together. It came out softer, cuter than I anticipated. Please let me know for any grammar mistakes! Enjoy! 🐾

You ran into your bedroom and slammed the door behind you, locking it immediately. Namjoon’s footsteps were sounding nearer, quickly making their way towards the room. You slumped your body against the door, pushing your back up against it to create more of a barricade and prevent Joon from entering. He tried jiggling the doorknob, noting that it resisted the turn. Leaning up against the carved piece of mahogany wood that separated the both of you he spoke, “Babe?”

He groans, hearing silence from the other end but knowing you were obviously holding yourself captive inside the shared room. Your eyes were watery, hands in fists and completely vibrating with rage. You were livid, mad at every negative thought that crossed your mind and… more upset with yourself more than anything. You overreacted and didn’t know how to handle yourself.

“Y/n… Just open the door. Talk to me.” He sighed. Namjoon’s knuckles tapping at the door slowly, the sound echoing thought the silence between the two of you. The agonizing noise banging against the labored wood filling your eardrums. Tears slowly escaping the crease of your eyes, you sniffled as you plucked at pieces of the carpet below you.

“Baaaabe!” he repeated, drawing out the sound of the vowels. You can hear the annoyance in the tone of his voice, he was one to maintain his calm and collect himself well especially during intense situations. But he’s still human. There are times where he really can’t handle all the stress and he cracks.

“Joon, leave me alone!” you choked out, voice cracking. You couldn’t help your voice from shaking, the emotions packing into your body were too overwhelming for you to contain.

“Just open the door, please.” There was no light to his voice. Joon’s patience running terribly thin. He’s trying to confront the situation. Trying to figure out what got you so riled up and darting away from the kitchen table. Sharing a delicious meal between the two of you, was it something he said?

Water filled up the clear glass before you, swishing the three single ice cubes as the cup filled up with liquid. Namjoon’s soft features content as he placed the pitcher off to the side, out of the way of the rest of the silverware. You smiled, showing gratitude and nodding a quick ‘thank you’ with a subtle gesture.

“Thank you for making dinner, it looks great!” You beamed a grin to him. Scanning over at the plates in front, figuring out what portions and pieces you want to grab. Joon nodded, dimple creasing in the side of his face as he stares at you in adoration.

He’s been away for a few weeks, taking care of business and working hard. Attending events all over the world to promote his new album. He’s a solo artist, expressing his thoughts and feelings through lyrics and various tunes. Emotions tied to each word that overflowed each song and every song. You were proud of him, releasing his 4th mixtape tilted ‘No Atmosphere’.

He was a hard worker, so dedicated to projects and assignments. There’s nothing wrong with that at all, this is what he loves. What he was made to do. Such a wise, humble, and reliable soul he has. He takes responsibility very seriously – which is a blessing and a burden. Picky, he gets frustrated with himself, overthinking every little detail. He strives to please everyone around him, putting them first, always.

A series of topics spread over the course of your meal, filling each other up with what you’ve missed, sharing news and making plans for future dates. He expressed how much he enjoyed visiting Spain, London, Ireland. Quoting ‘I wish you were there to see this!’ as he scrolled through photos and videos he snapped on his endeavors.

Meanwhile, you were stuck there. In your shared two-story apartment. A place that was generously too large for just the two of you. And much too big for one single person while the other was gone for long trips, multiple times a year. You had your part-time work, your full-time classes for your master’s degree, a few social gatherings from your small friend group. But you always came home to an empty apartment when Joon was gone.

“Hey Joon?” you disrupted his rant. One he didn’t realize he trailed on and on, boasting about how happy he was when visiting a party that honored his album.

He blinked, losing his train of thought and focused his eyes on yours. A soft smile curving up on his lips from hearing your light voice. “Hmm?”

What he didn’t notice was how you stopped eating the food, fiddling with your fork against your plate as you used one of the prongs to kick a small pea around. Scraps of leftovers and uneaten pieces still lay across your plate and you hesitantly spoke up, “What happened back in London?”

Namjoon’s eyebrows raised in worry, his eyes curious and confused at what you were asking. “What about London? I did a lot there?” You could tell Joon went into deep thought, retracing everything he had already mentioned to you and seeing if he possibly forgot anything.

I did a lot there. You shook your head trying to remove that sentence. But it played over and over, like a broken record. Shouldn’t he phrase that answer differently, you thought. Of course, it rolled off his tongue in innocence, but it held weight on to your chest. Your mind circled that sentence because you kept remembering something you had seen, something that was exposed on the internet.

“There was a video, Joon.” You mumbled under your breath, placing the fork down on top of the napkin.

This wasn’t the place to confront Namjoon, not after him prepping this dinner for you. Not when you finally had relaxing time ever since he came back from his promotion trip. Countless interviews and media articles which talked the anticipation of the album. You kept up to date with most of them, following him as he remained contact with you through your personal phones. Confrontation during this time shouldn’t been optimal, but you muttered the sentence. Your curiosity perked up – and there’s no way of brushing it off now.

You assumed Namjoon knew exactly what you were referencing by the way his face slightly dropped. A video. That video. From a bystander from the album release party… seeking social attention, posting a damn video about the continuously rising artist in attempt to cause disturbance and tainting his image. A fucking video that was pixelated, rendered, a copy of a copy, uploaded on twitter; showing what seems to be Namjoon being close, being in an ‘intimate embrace’ with another female. A female that was not you.

It was blurry, the video couldn’t hold much value to the normal eye because it was difficult to make out faces. But anyone with an expert eye, anyone that knew Namjoon, or was a big fan of him, knew that was him in the video. The slicked back hairstyle, the long dark coat that should be considered as a cloak draping over his body, the mask held over his chin and hooked over each ear. Blurry or not, you knew the figure in the video all too well.  

“Y/n, it’s not what it looks like.”

“They wrote a lot of stories about that video.” You scoffed. You don’t believe Namjoon would be unfaithful at all, you knew him to be extremely loyal. A lot of stories indeed. And guess what, you read every single one of them. Each wrenching your heart just a bit more, coming up more and more theories inside your head. You swallowed down the tang, the hurtful stories, holding them in the pit of your stomach until you completely word vomit all over Joon. Spilling your insecure thoughts.

“What is it then?”

Joon copied your action, placing his fork down and now reaching across the table to grab your hand. You removed it fast, Joon grabbing at the ghost of your palm as you start to shy yourself away. Staring at him as he let go a sigh.

“It’s nothing. It was taken at an angle –“

“Nothing?!” Your eyebrows shot up, gulping down the buildup of saliva that horded in your mouth. “That ‘nothing’ seemed pretty comfortable to you by the looks of it.” Your snarky remark officially ripped open a wave of hostility between the both of you.

“She was the party director!” He raised his voice in defense, baffled that you two were even having this conversation in the first place. Stunned that you didn’t bring it up earlier. “She scooted closer to me in a group photo – I’m sure you’ve seen the photo online.”

“The video was after the picture was taken, Joon!”

“I didn’t do anything, Y/n. Nothing happened before or after that. Her arm was around me. She was on me. Not the other way around.”

Namjoon sounded more dismissive now. It was clear he was getting fed up with the subject, doesn’t believe he has to prove his clean hands to you. Because he’s done everything for you, you were his girlfriend. His love.

Now – you sit here against the bedroom door. Holding back as many tears as possible as Namjoon desperately tried to enter. The emptied and unoccupied space between you two caused unnerving feelings for you. You got worried, it wasn’t your intention but for some reason you really felt that pang of hurtfulness when you came to the realization that Namjoon could have someone better.

“Y/n!” He shouted.

“You’re mad at me…” You whispered to yourself. How dare you bring something so silly up at the table. Ruining a great meal, the one he planned and set up, you ruined it with your insecurities. You were curious, but the curiosity shot you back in the face. Coming off more anxious and fearful, questioning the loyalty of your boyfriend. You were upset with yourself more than anything. Letting stupid rumored scandals corrupt your mind.

He knocked again. You, being aggravated and worked up at his constant need to get you to open up, hit back at the door in frustration. A sob leaving your mouth.

A loud thump nailed into the other side of the wood you were leaning against, Joon kicking at it and proceeded to yell, “Why are you crying?! Open the fucking door Y/n!”

He sounded scary, something you weren’t used to coming from him. Picturing him with clenched teeth, fists with white knuckles, eyebrows furrowed together. Again, he kicked at the door. The shutter sound making you crawl away from the frame, “Unlock it now!” he spat out.

“Joon, stop! You’re freaking me out,” your breath hitching once the pounding stopped. Silence filling the void of the air. Standing up with trembling hands, taking a slow step towards the door. Joon rested his head against it, hand still around the knob. Exhaling he responded, “Please.”

Your hand froze over the lock, pinching it between your two digits. You gathered yourself together, mustered up the courage to twist the metal piece. Right away Namjoon turned the knob and pushed the door in, forcing you to take a few steps back into your room.

Holding your arms to yourself your head fell, looking at the ground. Namjoon walked up, closing the space between the two of you and wrapped his arms around your body, tight. Taking you in his embrace. Your arms remained crossed, trying to wiggle around in his arms to break free.

“Stop, Y/n.” Namjoon grabbed your head and shoved it against his chest. His hold too sturdy to break away from. He noted that your breathing was erratic, unstable. He was bothered, the conversation struck a nerve but also disturbed you.

Your tears flowed, dripping down your cheeks. “You’re mad at me,” you muffled into his chest. Namjoon swayed back and forth with you in his hold, trying to calm you down. Shushing you and rubbing his large hands on your back. Putting your face into your hands, you cried realizing that what you said, what you were accusing under hidden messages, was a mistake.

“I’m not mad, Y/n. I’m concerned.”

“What are you talking about? You are mad!” You prosecuted Namjoon, hysterical. “You were shouting! You hit the door!” You screamed out, sniffling into your hands.

Joon shuffled the both of you back to the bed, helping you sit down on the edge and he took his place besides you. He stared at your beating red face as he took his thumb and wiped away the stained trails that seeped from the brims of your eyes. “Breathe for a second.”

You leaned your head back and avoided eye contact. Your breathing did calm down after giving yourself time, feeling the warmth of Namjoon’s palm that rested on your cheek. His eyes darted back and forth with yours, pleading to be looked at and trying to read your thoughts from the mannerisms that played across your face.

“I’m just jealous.” Your hands found their way back across your body, acting as a shield, protecting yourself from anymore harm. But the harm you were receiving was from deep within your body. An overbearing ache in your chest.

Namjoon tilted his head after your statement, as if he didn’t understand. He weaved his eyebrows together, frustrated at the thoughts he drew up in his mind. “What? Jealous of what?”

“You go around everywhere. You get to meet and partake in actions with a lot of people… girls… very pretty girls. All these women saying they’re going out with you, or you have models cooing over you.” You continued to rant on. All those rumors and gossip getting to you. Even though Namjoon gave you continuous attention regardless of where he was in the world, you somehow manage to believe in the filthy tabloids.

Joon closed his eyes at your nonsense and shook his head. “Shut up!” He covered your mouth with a quick kiss. A comforting warm kiss, one you craved for after a long day with your nose in the books, hours spent at the part-time job. A greeting kiss, but it was more than just a greeting to you. It welcomed you to another side of Joon. A sensitive side that you only get to see because… well, you’re his girlfriend. You’re special to him.

He slowly pulled away and caught your gaze, “I’m just an ordinary guy, Y/n, nothing is going to change that. Nobody is going to make me different from who I already am. I love you. I don’t love them.” His hand held your chin up to make sure you stayed in view. “I have you and I’m happy with that. Why can’t you see that?”

Doubts portrayed in your thoughts for a few moments. Thinking that he’s just saying these things to make you feel better. Your mind was so clouded with these dirty lies, that you felt self-conscious about yourself. Were you even good enough for Kim Namjoon?

“I-I’m sorry” snuck out of your mouth.

“No. I’m sorry.”

You gave Joon a puzzled look, why is he saying he’s sorry? He wasn’t in the wrong.

“If I was giving you the proper treatment of what a boyfriend should do, you wouldn’t feel this way. Right here, right now.” He leaned in once again and kissed you softly. Hands outlining your face. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him across you and onto the bed. The kiss deepened and his tongue glazed over your slightly parted lips.

“You shouldn’t be sorry at all.” You whispered against his lips, heated breath fanning across his flesh. “You do plenty for me, you’re really generous to me Namjoon. And… I’m so sorry for doubting you for a second.”

Of course, you had an idea of what it’d be like to date someone famous. He’d be much busier than a typical boyfriend, he’d travel further, and gone for periods of time. You were well aware of this, and for a good amount of time it really didn’t bother you. Namjoon always felt like he was holding you back, but he loves you too much to let you go. Far too many conversations like this have come up in the past between the two of you. Between the ‘talking’ stages to the ‘dating’ stages, and now officially together, you two have chatted about the toll of a full on relationship may cost.

But this didn’t stop either of you. Even when you tried taking things slow, seeing how things felt and figuring out if you were suited for this sort of lifestyle, you two gradually connected back to another. Namjoon couldn’t stay away from you for too long, and you were always welcoming him back with open arms. He was loyal to you. You understood him the most and when there were times he couldn’t express himself properly, you were there to help.

Laying down, Joon rested his head on your shoulder and wrapped an arm around your stomach lazily. One of your hands mindlessly toyed around with the strands of his hair as the other found place over his forearm.

“I understand why you felt the way you did; I really do.” He spoke in a sotto voce. “Y/n, I get curious too.”

Joon was referencing that he, himself, thinks about the possibilities of you being influenced by other men. Especially if he’s away, he puts all trust into you, but it doesn’t stop his overthinking mind to wonder. Maybe he wasn’t good enough for you, maybe he was holding you back. He was afraid of tying you down if you weren’t happy with the situation you were in. Namjoon always swallowed his negative thoughts, dismissing them because he rather focus on the future and being happy.

Your grip tightened around him, not knowing what to really say back to him. Feeling guilty in more than one way now. “Joon –“

“I love you, Y/n.”

He remained resting his head on your shoulder with his eyes closed. He casted a soothing and calm aura with how relaxed he became. He doesn’t like a hostile environment and the tiniest of squabbles are typically unnecessary and overreacted. He preferred to just talk it out, communicate with another to know what is really going on.

You kissed the top of his head, sniffing his hair and intaking a fresh vanilla scent. The wisps of hair folding under your fingers as you slightly groomed him. “I love you too, Joon. I really am sorry.”

Joon was happy having you, honestly. You gave him energy, satisfaction and your undivided attention. He never expected you to be as good to him that you already were. He couldn’t ask for more from you, he’s already taking up so much of your commitments and he tries hard to always make it up. Dinners, dates, cute surprise visits, facetime and random texts in the middle of the day when he’s thinking about you. He knew effort and communication were strong keys to hold the two of you together and he always tried his hardest to maintain these.

Again, you had a strong idea on how your relationship with Joon would be like. And you accepted it. You want it because you want him, and that was enough for you to say yes to him after the seventh date together at the aquarium two summers ago. His hands were in the touch tanks, searching around for cute little critters and lightly petting against their various skins. Spotting some fascinating crabs and he described to you how you reminded him of them.

It was playful, he was joking around trying to get you to smile even more that day. But the best thing about that day was when he turned to you, with salted wet hands from the tank he grabbed yours in return and stared deeply into your eyes. Asking if you’d like to take the relationship in seriousness, wanting to be official. At that moment you could care less that your hand was drenched with cold water, you only cared about the tall, handsome man that was holding that hand.

You were content, laying with Joon on your shared bed. Feeling enveloped with love and adoration. Suddenly he leaned up, hobbling himself over you and pecked your nose. He had a spark in his eye, something he tucked away in his mind but now lit up momentarily. He smiled down at you, listening to you giggle, “What?” you questioned.

“Hold on, I have to grab something. Wait right here.” He pointed at you with a finger, warning you to stay put. His grin had a hint of mischievous humor behind it as he got up off the bed, walking out the room and down the stairs towards the kitchen area. You can hear Namjoon rummaging through bags, drawers, you name it. You thought to yourself, what is he even doing out there?

“Joonie?” Your voice rang out loud enough to stretch the area of the house. You sat up, looking around the room but your hearing zoned in on the muffled sounds that were coming from downstairs.

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” he vocalized with a honeyed tone.

You can hear the patter of his feet, trailing up the steps and patting back into the bedroom. He smiled fondly at you as he entered, walking back over and sitting besides you. He claimed that he was grabbing something, but you didn’t recognize anything being carried in when he returned. You were perplexed to say the least as your eyes searched around.

Namjoon noticed your gaze that scanned in all directions, amusing him on how easily curious you were. His dimple shining bright he raised an eyebrow, “Lookin’ for something?”

Slightly offended, because that question had an obvious answer to it, and you didn’t understand what was going on. You cocked your head to the side, quirking a frown, “Well yeah, you said you were grabbing something?”

He smirked, holding your hand in his as his other hand shoved into his pocket to pull out a Prussian blue box, handing it over to you. He nodded, edging you to open the top.

You swore right then and there your heart stopped beating. You thought your holy spirit drained your body and elevated up to the heavens at the sight of this small thinned cardboard box. Completely unaware of what the contents that lay within it, but your mind went racing straight to one thing. Holy shit, holy shit. This can’t be happening? Like this? It’s so sudden and random? This didn’t feel right.

Your eyebrows raised practically to your hairline, eyes wide and mouth frozen. You hesitantly held the box between your digits, glancing up at Namjoon with a tiny bit of unsettlement in your eyes. You felt your heart in your throat, pounding loudly over the nerves that coursed in your skin.

“Open it.”

The saliva that accumulated in your mouth was swallowed thickly with a gulp, flipping over the lid to the box and seeing a shiny silver object inside. It took you seconds to register the thingamajig, observing that it was some sort of flat, circled charm that had your name, address, and number engraved onto it. You were processing the information in your mind, a small sigh of relief exhaled through your nostrils that it wasn’t something extreme like a ring or anything.

“A… tag?”

“Mhm! I was going to give it to you after dinner, but we never finished our meal.” He chimed in with a playful banter.

“Why a tag?” The gift was random and completely out of the blue. But the gift itself was even more unusual than expected. Not once in your life has someone gifted you a tag with your contact information on it, were you supposed to wear this around a necklace, a keychain perhaps?

Joon takes the charm with the pads of two of his fingers, flipping it over to the other side. “So you can fill out this side with its name!”

Then… it clicked. Oh my. A tag. A dog tag. You two were getting a dog?! You gasped; emotions ran ecstatic through you as you jumped up with joy. “A dog?!”

Delighted that he brought jubilation to you, he stood up holding your arms to help you stop springing off the floor. He chuckled, “Yes! I figured you needed someone to keep you company during the times that I’m not here for you. I know how much you love animals too, so I wanted to ask if you’d like to get one.”

You locked lips with Joon. Throwing your arms around his neck, dropping the box in the process, and pulled him closer to your body. Eagerness racing through your muscles as you leaped yourself off the floor and linking your legs around his waist. He caught you under your thighs, laughing into the kiss as he brought you back to the bed.

He cradled your body, supporting himself on top of you has you leaned back down on the fabric below. Running your hands up and down his arms, he deepened the kiss. Both of you captivated with another and riveting another’s attention to a now quickly heated session.

You tugged on his bottom lip that was more dominate than the top, grazing your teeth on the tinted pink flesh. He inhaled sharply, feeling his heartbeat fasten as his body anticipates upcoming actions. And yours did the same. Namjoon was tender handling you, a more amorous side taking over his persona.

His smooth chap-stick covered lips butterflied across your dried-up cheeks. Stamping warm kisses to your flesh as he trailed down to your jaw and peppering along the column of your neck. This wasn’t some sort of hot n’ heavy, steamy romantic session. He was gentle, he took his time, he was intimate with you. You can feel it in the air, in your bones and most importantly you felt it in your swelling heart.

It was sweet, the warmhearted feeling that took over your body because of Namjoon. Hushed giggles and bashful laughter crowded the room. A fun-loving atmosphere. And you were completely smitten by it all.

“May I take this off?” Hands curled around the material of your shirt slightly lifting it up to the underside of your breasts. Rubbing his thumbs along the bare skin below your bra.

Biting down on your bottom lip, you flashed an excited smile in reply, “As long as I can take yours off.”

Joon looked smug, lifting your shirt up and off your torso. He went to lean down to connect his lips back onto your skin, but you caught him before he could fully commit. Yanking his shirt high up his chest until you couldn’t hoist it any further since his arms where in the way. He laughed at your antic, how cute it was and enthusiastic you were. But he obliged and lifted his arms up for you.

There was no time to waste, Joon sloped back down on you. Pecking his plump lips on your collarbone and down towards the valley between your boobs. Feeling how soft your skin was, lightly nibbling at it. You hummed through your nose, arching your back into Joon’s face, urging him to continue.

One of his manly hands cuffed your left breast as his mouth connected to your right, open mouth kisses and softly sucking at it. You released a tiny moan, enjoying the sensation that was being stimulated on your breasts.

And boy, you were so sensitive on your boobs. Especially when he toyed with your nipples, moistening them up with his mouth and rolling the buds between his fingers. It wired you, Namjoon played with you like an etch-a-sketch. It feels fantastic. Waves of goosebumps cycling across your skin as he continued running his tongue across your aroused nipples, making sure to give the other boob the same attention. You mewed for him; the blush drawn on your upper cheeks as your body grew hotter under his touches.

He reached behind you with a hand, unclasping the hook of the bra and allowing the fabric to relieve your delicate girls. Turning you on was Joon’s pleasure, he cared about pleasing you more than being pleased. He could spend all day groping your tits if that means you’ll be satisfied.

You were easily wet; the games Joon played with your boobs sparking your nerves and arousal. Prepping your body for more, aching for more of his gentle touch.

Daringly you reached your hand between the two of you, palming at whatever you made contact with until you found a stiffening bulged that stuck out with the fabric of his pants. You can feel the warmth radiating through his region, heated up and you knew very well he wants to reintroduce his member to you.

“Joon – take off your pants.” You ordered in a hushed tone. Squeezing at his dick. “My body really wants you right now.”

As your sweet voice compelled his ears, he listened. Shuffling his pants off with a smirk and a light shake of his head. “I wanted to touch you a bit more.” Giving you a small pout.

“Aww.” You smiled, seeing the little kid of him. “You can touch me with this big boy instead.” You tried sounding a bit sexy, almost kitten-like as you eyed his member.

Willingly you unbuttoned your own jeans, tugging them down your thighs and letting Joon help you with the rest. His fingers ran up to your undies that remained on your frame, seeing the cute little ocean doodled pattern on them with a dampened and darker spot that was clung to the outline of your lady-lips. He was turned on and completely in awe of how cute you are.

“Why do you do this to me?” he laughed, feeling happy with you and hooking his fingers around the thin waistband of your undies. Towing them down your legs with a fit of giggles.

You blushed; a bit embarrassed at your attire but not even self-conscious being completely nude in front of him. “I don’t know – I just thought they were cute!” You retorted back fast.

“They are cute. You’re even cuter for wearing them.” He chirped.

Namjoon swooped back down, placing his hand over your mound and letting a finger dip in between your folds. Sliding your natural lubrication all over he glided it over your clit, making you moan in the process. Your hands found their way into his hair, fluffing it up even more while Joon teased at your entrance.

“Your body really does want me, huh? I don’t think I even need to use my fingers.”

Nodding, you bucked your hips up chasing his floating fingers. Wishing he’d do something more with them than just shifting between all your lady bits. “Let me get a condom.”

You reached over to the bedside table, pulling out a drawer to frantically search for the magical package that contained the secure rubber. Swiftly you ripped it open, offering to help apply it along his length. You pinched the tip of the latex, rolling the rest down his long shaft and giving his dick a few teasing tugs.

Joon groaned at your touch, flexing his dick in the process of your pumps. He was more than ready to take you in, ready to share the closeness with you once again.

With that, Joon pushed you back down on the bed. Lifting one of your legs over his hip as he centered himself at your core. Your slick allowing him to slide between your folds effortlessly as he prodded his tip in your hole.

You held your breath, anticipating Joon to fill you up all the way to the hilt. You want to feel him inside you, widening your walls and your body vibrating around him. He locked eyes with you, smiling as he leaned down to plant another kiss on your lips. In sync he inched himself further into you, a grunt escaping his chest as you disconnected yourself from the kiss to breathe. You tossed your head to the side, latched your hands around his shoulders as Joon set a pace with his thrusts.

Your body missed Joon so much, you didn’t even have control over how your cunt clenched tightly around his dick. Your walls compressed in a series of movements; your cunt thirsty for him. Breathy gasps leaving your mouth once Namjoon whispers to the skin between your neck, “You’re so fuckin’ beautiful like this. Ah – Y/n, you’re so wet.”

Earlier you felt a deep ache within your chest from the persistent pain of worry and hurt. But now, all of that washed over. You feel something deep, but not from pain. Not from the obvious penetration from Joon’s lengthy cock kissing the doorway of your cervix. You feel deep feelings, words and actions not able to compare to the affection and fondness between the two of you.

You felt warm, completely at ease even though you’re sweating, catching your breath, sensitive nerves awakening to the sexual stimulation between your legs. A heavy body on top of you, pounding his dick into your sweet succulent juices. His hips banging into you, his head stuck in the crane of your neck.

This warm feeling overruled all physical activities and all auditable sounds. But what it couldn’t stop was the twisting of your lower abdomen muscles, the stiffening of your walls and tense grip over Joon’s shoulders. Your body reacting on its own agenda. Your throat feeling dry from the open mouth breathing, you tried speaking but only moans were formed.

Namjoon can read you like a book, knew exactly what to do when to do it. He fully enjoyed the way your body reacted to him, how simple of a task for him to pleasure you in this way. Your cries from pleasure giving him excitement that he was treating you the way you deserve.

“Joon I’m – I’m close!” you panted, feeling that orgasm rolling closer and closer to a release.

As much as both Joon and you wanted you to spasm all around him, he stalled it. Delaying you from the contractions of your pelvic muscles that would send electrifying waves all the way to the tips of your fingers and toes. He stopped all actions, halting himself deep inside you and slowly rocked his hips to continue a small force of friction between the two of you.

Your body was frustrated, your cunt was soaked, and you were vexed. “Joonie?” you whined out, bucking your hips up into him. Feeling that build up in the pit of your stomach slowly fade away.

Joon leaned up, kissing your cheek. He hummed to himself, satisfied with the state the both of you were in. “I would love to stay like this forever. Do you feel this?”

Do you feel this, Y/n? The sensation filling the room, the air, your heart. The thrill that frenzied in your veins and muscles. Flushed, excited, ecstatic, blissed out of your mind. The feeling Joon raptures you with, sending your body to a state of euphoria. It was wild. You didn’t feel normal, but it was the best feeling you could ever experience with another. And this is what Namjoon wanted to continuously feel.

Without notice, tears fell from your eyes as you nodded to his statement. You weren’t sad or upset, but in complete awe over Joon. How could someone be this perfectly imperfect? How could someone be so sweet for you. And you still question yourself if you were even good enough for Kim Namjoon.

He whipped away the tears that shed onto your skin, hushing you. “You don’t need to cry, Y/n. Believe me, I already know the way you feel.” Because… he feels it too.

With the little room you were given, you wrapped your arms around Joon as much as possible. He smiled down at you, returning the hug and rolling the two of you over with him still pivoted inside. You now lay above him, peering down into his eyes you went to speak. The movement of your body caused your pelvis to rub against his, squishing your swollen clit against him and bursting a shriek out of your mouth when you snapped back into reality.

The heightened arousal between your legs was still on edge and ready to burst. Joon bit down on his bottom lip once he felt your pussy clench around him. The experience between the both of you was riveting but was soon going to vanish because of the greediness your bodies had. Your mouth dropped open, “I love you” spilled out without wavering.

Namjoon’s hands rested on your sides, holding your waist as you slowly grinded yourself against him. Allowing his dick to swirl inside of you while your sensitive bud rubbed against his pelvic bone. You couldn’t help yourself; your body had a mind of its own when it rushed itself back up the stairs to orgasm. And you got there, fast.

Your body jerked; your hands planted on Joon’s chest to hold yourself upright as you released yourself all over him. Unfolding all the pent-up energy and feelings. Your hair cascaded over your face with labored breathing, groans ascending out of your mouth. “Joon, I – I, I going to – Joon – Ahh!” you squeaked out once the second wave coursed through your cunt, expanding a pulsating vibration through your body.

“So beautiful. Fuck – Y/n, you’re so damn beautiful!” Joon watched every second of you coming undone on him, seeing how you squirmed around him, using his body for your own pleasure, moaning his name. In a selfish way, Namjoon felt fulfillment seeing you like this – all displayed for him to treasure and praise. It turned him on, hearing your voice singing into his ears as he jutted himself up further into your moisten cunt. Over stimulating your nether region, he was determined to make you go one last time before he spills into the condom.

You’re barely holding yourself up straight, hunched over with your palms placed on his torso. Sweat formed along your hairline and between the contact of your skin with his. The mixture of your sweet n’ salty juices shining along your lady-lips and Joon’s cock. Before you could call out his name in another breathless voice, he has your mounds in each of his hands, squeezing them tight and pinching at your perked nipples.

You gripped at his wrists, letting out a shocked plea for him to stop because the sensation was so good that you couldn’t handle it. “Joon!”, you choked out, gasping for air as you tried to lift your body off his. He refused.

He flipped you back over, Joon locking your hands above your head with one hand around your wrists. He didn’t care for the mess on the bed, the tossed pillows and taunted comforter beneath the two of you. Your attempt of wiggling out of his grasp was a failure after he pinned you down with his body. Dick hovering over your delicate pussy.

“One more time, for me.” His voice was stern and serious while he murmured into your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“I – I can’t!” Your chest heaved erratically, feeling your legs already shake and stomach contracting from the multiple orgasms you’ve already encountered. You felt weak.

“You will, love.”

Your request was again, hushed. Namjoon tilting his hips for his dick to dip back into your entrance, he placed kisses on the crook of your neck. Your breath hitched, throwing your head back into the bed, feeling Joon slam himself deep inside you, causing your nerves to shudder.

You struggled for air, body completely trembling uncontrollably as you cried out for Namjoon. You swore your vision went blurry while you received this mind-blowing orgasm. Joon held onto you tight, allowing you to ride out your high. Slowly pulling himself out of you once he knew you were finished.

Namjoon and you laid close to another, exhausted from the physical activity and especially from the toll your body took. Your eyes shut, not able to lift your body off the bed. Joon smirked, giving you another peck on the cheek before leaning up to discard the used condom, knotting it and tossing it in the trash bin. “You’re so beautiful, Y/n.”

You laughed, shaking your head to yourself. “I heard you the first time, Joon.”

“I know.” He chuckled, laying back down and wrapping his arm back around you. “I mean it every time.”

You hummed in response. Tracing sluggish patterns on his forearm with your index finger. You slowly drifted further into your tiredness. “We’re still getting a dog, right?” You drowsily asked.

You felt a soft pair of warm lips contact your forehead; the sensation was comforting. “Of course, babe.”

About a week later you were staring out the window, watching the scenic views pass by. Acres of landscape in the countryside took up the area. The environment felt fresh and calm. Much different from the inner-city area with nonstop traffic and busy streets. You turned your gaze at Namjoon who was driving the car, his eyes remained on the dirt road ahead, but he could sense your stare.

As if he knew what you were thinking, he spoke up “Almost Y/n, the farm is about 2 miles up.”

You smirked to yourself, looking down at the palm of your hand that held the shiny silver dog tag. You fiddled with the metal, twisting the item back and forth between your digits. Anticipating the new addition to the house, a furry companion, hopefully the cutest puppy in the world.

The two of you slowly pulled up an extended driveway, parking in front of an old tiny brown snug farmhouse. A large red barn hidden behind the home, attached was a large fence that enclosed a few goats and pigs. A pack of stray chickens roaming around the grounds. Shutting the car doors, the smell of the plantation entered your nostrils, “Definitely a farm.”

You were greeted by an elder couple, warm smiles dressing their wrinkly faces. They were dressed as if they were in the middle of housework, tall muk boots, overalls and plaid shirts. “Hello there! You’re here for one of the pups?”

Joon reached out to lace his hand with yours, walking over towards the sweet couple. Charming and innocent eyes beamed back at you two. “Hey there! I’m Namjoon, and this is Y/n! We spoke over the phone!” Joon perked up, pulling you along with his strides.

The older couple waved Joon and you on, walking the both of you towards the barn in the back. Having small talk in between the short distance, hearing cute comments about the various animals you passed on the way.

“That’s Molly over there, Mama of the litter.” The older man pointed out a dog laying down in the pasture, her coat was a dark golden tone and it shined in the sunlight. She was watching over at your area, observing the new persons that entered her home. She sniffed the air as the breeze picked up, letting her head lay back down on the ground, but her eyes never left yours.

A loud creaking sound snapped your head towards the barn, watching the woman open up the doors wide for you to enter. Joon and you followed in after the couple, stopping short at a stall on the left. You heard little yips and yaps from the other side of the wall that fenced in the young pups.

You peaked over the edge, instantly widening your eyes when you see six little furry golden retriever puppies playing around with another. All varying in different shades of gold and creams. Your excitement caused you to clutch Joon’s hand tight.

“Oh my god! They’re so cute!”

“You want to go inside? Sometimes it’s easier for you to choose once you spend some time with them.” The older gentleman gestured, unlocking the latch to the wooden door and popping it slightly open, making sure he doesn’t allow any of the pups escape the corridor.

You glanced at Joon quickly, getting reassurance from him before eagerly nodding your head and walking into the pit. Immediately you fell to your knees, allowing any of the puppies to come running on over and jumping up on you. Their fur was so soft, angel-like and had that sweet puppy smell to them. You giggled with the six rambunctious babies. Grabbing a few chew toys and loose rope to play around with. You were happy, completely lucky to be blessed with these cute little ones in front of you.

You took your time with each of the pups, feeling out which one would be yours. Of course, you were tickled pink with glee, and wanted each of them. You joked with Joon briefly, giving him puppy-dog eyes and asked him if you could adopt them all. But unfortunately, you could only choose one. You were so indulged with playing with the puppies you didn’t realize how much time you spent with them. It’s been over twenty minutes before you heard a voice directed towards you.

“Did you find a new friend?” Joon spoke softly towards you. He leaned over the gate, smiling down at how cute you looked with a pile of puppies flooding your space. But he noticed that there was one puppy curled up in your lap, tuckered out and resting itself.

You looked up at Joon, trying to hold back your smile. “I think one found me!”

Then it was decided. The small, dark golden fur ball that laid across your thighs was going to be the newest addition to your world. You exited the stall, carefully holding the puppy in your arms. Joon giving it a small pet on its head before turning back to the cute elders.

“Thank you so much, you were so kind to us. Thank you for allowing us to adopt.” He flashed a smile to them. You thanked them as well, nodding your appreciation while trying not to disturb the sleeping pup.

Joon handed you the keys to head back to the car as he fished through his back pocket for his wallet to pay the man. You walked through the frame of the barn, turning your head back to the older dog named Molly. There was a slight ache in your heart, feeling bad that you were taking away one of her babies. Your smiled towards the animal, thinking that it would settle the upsetting feeling inside your chest.

“Excuse me, Miss?” A deep modulated voice, coming from what seemed to be the elder man, rang through your ears.

Questionably, you turned on your heels, facing back towards the inside of the barn. But you were caught completely off guard when there was a body before you. Down on one knee, with a box raised up between his hand, Namjoon smiled up at you. The black velvet box cracked open, flashing a sparkly stone.

“Y/n.”

You froze, feelings swelling your heart up. You felt your heartbeat in your throat when your jaw dropped. If it wasn’t for the exhausted puppy in your arms you’d probably fall straight down to the floor. This is happening. Holy shit.

Namjoon cleared his throat, realizing he has your full attention. “Y/n… words, actions, even music, cannot express the feelings I have for you. The amount of love I have towards you is unexplainable. I want you to know that I appreciate every waking moment with you, from the very first day you entered my life. Thank you for always being there, for always making me happier, for supporting everything. You are the greatest woman I know, and selfishly I wish to ask you for your hand in marriage because I want you all to myself for the rest of my life.” He spoke confidently, glistening in his eyes he smiled with each word that he admitted.

“Y/n, will you marry me?”

Tears fell down your cheeks, your eyes flickering back and forth between Joon and the ring that was bestowed in front of you. Your hand came up to your mouth as your sobbed out loud, shaking your head in reply.

“Yes! – Yes, oh my god yes I will!” You choked on your words, but they were clear enough for Joon to hear.

You rushed yourself towards Joon, wanting to hold him. Joon catches you by your arms, not allowing you to crash yourself into him because of the puppy that you were holding. He held you around your back, pecking your cheek as he held your hand still as he linked the jewelry to your ring-finger. He snuggled against your head while he back hugged you tightly. The puppy, now fully awake from all the commotion, was wiggling around and licking at your crying face.

You heard camera clicks, the sound alerting you to look up at the older couple who each were recording and snapping photos of the scene in front of them. You smiled, half embarrassed but also filled with joy.

Sniffling, your eyes met Joon’s, “You paid them for this?”

“I had offered, but they said that a time like this is priceless.”

One last picture was taken of a smiling newly engaged couple with a brand-new puppy in their arms.

© All rights reserved under @kimtaehyunq​ - do not copy, repost, modify, edit, or translate any of my work without my direct consent. This tumblr is the ONLY place my fics are posted.

[braindeacl]

Buzzkill | Eilidh & Vic

SETTING: Vic’s residence. TIMING: A few weeks ago. PARTIES: @natusvincere & @braindeacl SUMMARY: Vic has the angry-online-lady come over to help with her bee problem. But finds she knows the person knocking.  WARNINGS: N/A

Getting rid of a phallic-shaped bee nest and it’s accompanying vibrating man in a place like White Crest really should have been simpler than this, but Vic was already annoyed.  It could have been a simple exchange between her and the woman from the internet, until she tried to scold her with talks about bees and their moral superiority over the rest of the world, or something like that.  As the inevitable knock on the door came that evening, Vic hoped that their exchange would be quick.  Give her the nest and a nice glare for good measure, and hope to never hear from her or the bees again.  She pulled open her front door, but who she met on the other side was certainly not who she was expecting.  “Eilidh?”, she asked, bewildered.  An old, regretful hook up- and possibly the most annoying person on the planet. “Why are you here?”  She didn’t try to hide her disdain.

It should’ve been a simple exchange. Now it felt more like a rescue. That woman… the woman on the internet had no regard or respect for nature. Thankfully Eilidh had noticed the post and decided to extend a helpful hand, though with how the interaction spiraled, it extended to the bees and the bees alone. Plus she finally would be seeing the hive in person! She only had a faint idea with what she was dealing with—the shape indicating a specific and rare type of bee, despite her initial thoughts of mere coincidence. Coincidence wasn’t entirely off the table, but she eagerly ran straight for the tantalizing conclusion. She gave one loud knock against the door, a big bang on the wooden structure. Door opened, and she planned to keep it short, but definitely not sweet. Until... Until her name was spoken. Her chosen name. The one she rarely gave out. The pits within her boiled over, threatening to erupt from her. Throat prepared to growl, teeth prepared to snap. But then she looked harder. Recognition registered. The prepared growl lept out as a curt laugh. Teeth still considered to snap. “Ah, hell. Vicky! Should’ve known it was you.” A pyrite in the rough. Vic had certainly enchanted her, bundled her up warm. And left her out in the cold when she was done with her. At least the sex had been fun. Perhaps the only truth she knew of the woman. “Wanna give me your phallic hive, huh? This some long-winded way to say you wanna fuck again?” 

Vicky.  It was all Vic could do to not physically shudder at the ridiculous name.  She’d pretended to tolerate it back when she’d gotten to know the other woman, but the ruse had died down pretty quickly when it became obvious that she was not a vampire like Vic had first suspected.  She hadn’t needed her anymore after that, so she ghosted her, effectively.  She was so glad to be rid of the constant need for affection and sickening smell of dirt that she barely felt guilty for hanging her high and dry.  It was business, and Eilidh had no right to feel jaded.  “I should have known this was you”, she said after a while, closing her front door with a force that could only convey anger and annoyance to her companion. She ignored her accusation of wanting more, choosing instead to cross her arms and lean back against the side of her house, waiting for Eilidh to show any semblance of decorum.  Her father would have told her she looked like a child.  She stood up straight almost instantly.  “I can think of about 100 things I’d rather do”, she shot back, walking down her front steps and fully expecting the other woman to follow.  The path to her shed wasn’t long, though it was surrounded by blooming, in season flowers.  Their bright colors never matched Vic’s disposition.  “I was rather concerned about someone who was both enamored with the offensive shape of the hive and also more obsessed with bees than their own self respect that I didn’t know who’d show up today”, she said as she walked.  It was a total lie- most of her time before Eilidh had arrived had been spent on making herself look presentable- would this strange woman be pleased with how she looked?  What a waste of time, now that she knew who’d showed up.  She turned around as she led her, her innate curiosity taking over.  “What are you even planning on doing with the hive, anyway?”  She was not interested in old pleasantries or even apologies.  Whether or not Eilidh understood that was not her problem.

Eilidh had spent so long leaving others, never giving them the chance to do the same to her—because they will, they always will—she had almost forgotten how it felt to be on the receiving end. Almost. That old wound sported a new opening, stinging in the spring air. She had to be quicker next time. She had to be the first to go. Like the injured animal she was, she bared her teeth. It almost looked like a smile. “Would say the same. But never knew you well ‘nough to know.” At least some satisfaction was found at the clear revulsion on Vic’s face. It made the almost-smile more genuine. “Oh, hundred! Finally learned new tricks.” She followed behind Vic at a distance, physical mirroring the emotional. It was weird. Finally being here. Flowers in bloom. Dancing under the moonlight, despite the looming frost. Those gentle petals had once adorned the nape of her neck, intertwined in her hair. But now they ignored her. As cold as the air in her lungs. As the woman before her. At the inquiry, Eilidh’s divided attention snapped back to the leading woman. She too was equally beautiful, shimmering under the stars. But so far away. “Gonna relocate them. Find a place where they can thrive. Deep in the woods.” Far away from others, far away from her. So no one would destroy them. People had a habit of doing that to powerful, mysterious things. Things they didn’t understand. Suddenly, there was a sound from behind. Ever curious, she turned her head, and after a beat she realized it to be muffled barking. A true smile twitched on her lips. “Can I say hello to Winnie? That’s the only bitch I wanna see right now.” Truthfully, she had missed that kindred spirit. But bitterness forced her tongue, and her chances were most likely shattered. 

Eilidh wasn’t wrong.  In their time together, Vic had managed to get a considerable amount of information from her companion, all without revealing much about herself.  “That was intentional”, she said through a forced smile.  She scoffed, forcing herself not to turn back and face the other woman, despite the urge to defend herself.  “You say ‘finally’ like our time together wasn’t enjoyable for you. Did you keep coming back for more because you enjoyed the drive over, then?”  They arrived at the hive almost as soon as Eilidh finished sharing her plans for it and Vic locked eyes with her, unable to bring herself to gaze upon it in the company of someone else.  Bees could be heard vibrating from inside the nest, and a few buzzed around it as well. “Well...as you can see it’s very phallic”, she said, blinking awkwardly.  “I suppose it’s best hidden away in the woods, that way no one has to witness such an atrocity.”  Now if Eilidh would just take the hive and go, she’d never have to think about either of them again.  Of course she wouldn’t be so lucky.  She scoffed at Eilidh’s request, flaring her nostrils in annoyance.  Winnie adored everyone and anyone, and she wasn’t afraid to show it, either.  Of course Eilidh would want to see her.  After a beat of staring at the other woman, she rolled her eyes dramatically, walking a few paces around the side of the house to open her back door.  It wasn’t even a moment later that Winnie came bounding outside at lightning speed, panting and slobbering excitedly.  She did an energetic lap around the shed before she ran right toward Eilidh, trying to jump up and get a lick at her face in between excited barks.  “Winnifred, nej!”, she scolded, worried that her oaf of a canine would knock the other woman down.  The last thing she needed was a lawsuit on her hands.  Her words seemed to fall on deaf ears, or at least disobedient ones.

“Now, yes.” Eilidh stated plainly. While she could still at least enjoy the view—Was she wearing that dress just for me? Ha!—there was no more substance. At least, that’s what she told herself. But a wondering did linger—who was this woman truly? Did she laugh same as before, fuck same as before? The questioning caused negative emotions to simmer—brought a fog in her mind. But a comment, followed by a screaming thought, brought her back. It's not an atrocity! She wanted to scream, to go on yet another tangent. But they’ve had that whole song and dance before. And she had more than just mere words in her arsenal. A growl took the scream’s place. Feelings effectively summarized by that primal rumble in her throat. “Must be why you’re out here. By yourself.” Before Vic could register what she meant, Eilidh turned to face the hive. It truly was phallic. Much more magnificent than in the pages of that old book. She took a step forward, then another, then one more. Testing her luck. Testing their patience. With one more questioning step—snow giving a satisfying cruuunch—the bees started to stir, awoken from their stupor. Buzzing sounding more like a warning hiss. Her feet came to stop—let her eyes do the work instead. The hive seemed to be fixed on the exterior of the wall, entirely out in the open. There would probably be no need to remove any bits of Vic’s shed in the process of securing the hive. Though, she might—she will—just for the hell of it. The backpack resting on her shoulders slid across her arms, joining the ground with a muffled thud. Searching hands grasped at the needed supplies. But as these items were revealed, basked in moonlight, a familiar jingling entered her ears.

Fingers released, letting the supplies rejoin their brethren for now. Eilidh had more pressing matters to attend to. The swarm gave another eruption of noise as the canine came just a little too close. But it was softer, subdued, perhaps having already grown used to Winnie’s antics. One second, she was lost behind the shed; the other, she was barreling straight for Eilidh. “A bhobain!” Arms opened wide in preparation, and Winnie wiggled herself into that waiting embrace. Then she practically wiggled herself out of it, her excitement unable to be contained by herself or Eilidh’s grasp. All Eilidh could do was laugh—sound like a wind chime in a hurricane. The laughter quickly died, not for lack of amusement, but for Winnie’s tongue encasing her whole mouth. She did not stop these feverish licks and returned the affection with scritches upon the dog’s nape. 

Eilidh’s flare for the dramatics seemed, somehow, even more annoying when Vic wasn’t putting on a front to charm her, and she rolled her eyes at the attempted insult, even if her companion could not see. Her looks were never an insecurity for her, at least not for a few centuries now.  Funny that she seemed to affect the other woman so much that she felt the need to insult her.  Again, she thought about how Eilidh had no reason to feel scorned or hurt.  Even if it was essentially fake, they had had a good run, and Vic had treated her right.  “I’m out here by myself to avoid running into people like you”, she shot back, though in White Crest, someone like Eilidh was the least of her concerns. Despite her annoyance with the woman, though, there was something fascinating about the way she explored the nest with such care.  There was a newfound cautiousness and gentleness there, one Vic wasn’t used to seeing from Eilidh.  Something sparked in her, too, when she watched the interaction between her and Winnie.  “How’s Tulip?”, she asked, against her better judgement. Eilidh’s dog, who was maybe the pure opposite of Winnie in demeanor, always elicited a sort of soft spot from Vic.  “I mean, is she surviving you?”

Good humors returned with each lick placed on her face, all Eilidh did in response to Vic’s retort was a simple laugh. The implied insult fizzled and died upon her ego—though the heat of its death did create some form of pride. Her simple presence—despite how literal the comment—could cause such a brash reaction? Funny! Momentarily distracted by the thought, she hadn’t noticed the shift of weight upon her body, until she was sent tumbling down under Winnie’s excitement. Upper hand secured, Winnie took upon the opportunity with vigor, making sure every inch of Eilidh’s face was marked with her tongue. More of Eilidh’s laughter filled the air in response. White vapors of breath clouded them in fog. Giving them some privacy. It was only broken with the mention of her own canine companion. Hands pressed and pushed into Winnie’s face—squishing those skin rolls into one—until her tongue licked the air in vain. “Thriving, actually. Been doing lots of swimming.” Warm weather drew the dog to water like moth to flame. Warmth that had slipped passed her fingers, same as Vic’s. “Well, had. Before a layer of ice blocked us out. Assholes.”

Winnie laid in wait, now frozen mid-lick in something akin to acceptance. But instead of allowing that tongue to return, Eilidh wiggled out from under her hovering form. As her feet found footing, she finally released that hold upon the dog, who gladly resumed those joyous kisses. Eilidh whispered something in her ear, gave a kiss of her own, then stood. The hive felt her presence once more, buzzing in welcome or threat or both. Those dropped supplies returned to her grasp, out into the crisp air, ready for use. “Time for a neuter.” 

Vic wanted to continue to scowl, but Winnie pushing Eilidh down was quite a sight, and despite herself, a smirk came to play on her lips.  “Winifred!”, she scolded with barely any gusto.  She nodded at the mention of the weather, annoyed that it had taken such a turn, recently.  “Winnie rather enjoys the snow.  She thinks it’s Christmas in July.”  She wondered, briefly, what it might be like for the dogs to get together to have a playdate.  As annoying as she was, there was something sweet about watching the way Eilidh interacted with Winnie, as if they had been lifelong friends finally reunited after being torn apart.  

She let out a shallow breath as her companion turned her attention to the bees, briefly wondering why the vibrating man never came around when she was outside.  Was he afraid of her?  He should be.  “Will it hurt them?” she asked, eyeing the supplies curiously.  “Where in god’s name did you get all those things, anyway?  Do you just carry around supplies for bees just in case one of their hives happens to be shaped in a horribly offensive way?”

Eilidh shook her head down to the eagerly waiting dog. “Perhaps Cailleach brought you a gift, eh? Do we got you to blame for all this?” A finger booped playfully on top the canine’s nose. Winnie’s tongue slapped desperately across her own muzzle, trying to return the favor and lick that pressing digit—but reflexes were too slow and all that tongue met was crisp air. Despite Eilidh’s hand clearly returning to her side, that tongue continued a good few seconds before realizing defeat. At the sight, laughter burst out of Eilidh once more. Ripples of that giggle still ricocheted off her throat as attentions focused fully on the task at hand. Well, almost fully. “Won’t hurt ‘em.” Despite the smile that still clung to her lips, drops of aggression bled into her voice. Assuming the worst. Because she didn’t have the best examples to work with—and the better ones were lies. “Don’t be too disappointed.” 

The aggression bled out, for the most part, leaving behind her usual humors. “Stole ‘em. Shhhh, don’t tell. Always gotta keep ‘em on hand. These fuckers are sprinkled all over town. Got a second bag for pussy-shaped hives, too. Can’t mix those two up. ‘Less you want ‘nother Clevesdale incident.” In that following beat, unwavering eyes stared at Vic—expressionless. But only for a beat, for soon a lip twitch betrayed her and she sighed an amused breath. But the truth remained on her tongue. The fuck did Vic think, she’d show up empty-handed? Not that Eilidh was particularly above brute forcing some projects—perks of her biology led to lack of need for safety precautions. So, the supplies she hoisted from the bag were for the bees’ sake. Not her own. They found themselves onto her hands, inching closer to the hive. The inhabitants stirred at the action, air taking on a quick heartbeat in their unified song. But frost lulled them back to sleep. Leaving her to her work. “Gonna help? Or just stand there looking pretty?” 

Winnie seemed to be satisfied with her greeting, finally leaving Eilidh be in favor of giving Vic a quick, affectionate nudge before she ran off into the yard, darting past trees and zipping through flower beds and jumping into piles of snow, then circling the women quickly before doing it all again.  She’d once heard someone refer to this behavior as the ‘zoomies’, though she’d never lower herself to call it such a thing.  She didn’t know why she was relieved to know the beasts wouldn’t be hurt.  They had, after all, offended her greatly with their hive.  But she didn’t have too much time to think of it before Eilidh made her backhanded comment.  She narrowed her eyes at the woman, crossing her arms over her chest.  “Can’t be more disappointed than when you showed up on my doorstep, darling”.  If she were being honest with herself (an annoying habit she picked up lately) it was a bit of a strange relief to have Eilidh there.  Her companion, for all her bite and quirks, wasn’t a threat, and Vic supposed that was good enough for her.

“I never know when you’re being honest”, she responded, ignoring the rather large piece of irony that came with her saying such a thing.  She pursed her lips with disdain as Eilidh continued, clearly unappreciative of her choice of words.  “Can’t you find another word to describe them?  P...ussy is so- crass.”  The bemused twitch of her lips let her know that Eilidh thought she was being funny.  Vic, for her part, let out another annoyed huff.  Again, too, at the idea that she was meant to help.  (She ignored the way her heart fluttered at being called pretty, the way it always did when beautiful women took notice). “I had you come so I wouldn’t have to do the work”, she muttered begrudgingly, despite walking closer to Eilidh and the hive.  The bees buzzed around her at first, and she instinctively wanted to run away even though she knew they couldn’t hurt her.  She looked at Eilidh expectantly, and then down at her bag, not quite knowing what she was meant to do.  After looking between them once more, she hoisted it up, holding it out so Eilidh could rummage through.  “I think you mentioned on the ‘online’ that you’d remove this for free, but I will be paying you.  How much does one usually charge to remove offensively shaped hives?”

“Don’t be such a pussy ‘bout pussy.” The way the word struggled to release from Vic’s mouth—like sap oozing from a tree—sent chuckles freely from her own. Which quickly turned to a scoff at Vic’s protest. “I think ‘least you can manage”—words cut short as her idea came to life without any instruction, her bag brought up an easy arm stretch away—“… that.” Hands returned to the bag once more, confirming she had all she needed, though Eilidh no longer needed to bend as before. As they returned to the icy air, fingers brushed against Vic’s own. Despite the cold, only warmth pricked at her affected palm, up the connected arm. A reaction born of a time lost to a lie, she tried to remind herself. But the mind rarely won against the body, for it was one against all. So, she returned her gaze to the hive. She knew how to feel about that. “Not sure.” In truth, money was not something she put much thought into. The main reason it crossed her mind was to ensure the creatures that have come and gone from her life received satisfactory care. And Vic’s ignorance did present an opportunity to secure much funds for such care. But something else knocked at her mind, pushing out before it could supply an outrageous number value to her labor. “How ‘bout we trade in favors?”

The close proximity of foreign entities (What do they want? What will they do?) and of foreign tools (Will it hurt? Will it kill?) finally jolted the hive out of the winter stupor. A black cloud overcame the hive, phallic-shape lost under the swarm of small bodies. But what started as irregular began to form purpose. The lumps of the cloud elongated and quivered until something familiar was forged. Like looking at a fucked-up a mirror, Eilidh was greeted by the top-half of a humanoid body. Suspended in air, made entirely of bees. “There you are.” The being looked at her. Seemingly. The structure at the top, resembling a head, was tilted down. And the curve facing the shed was more pronounced, like where the skull met the back of the neck. Leaving the front pointed at her. Staring at her. A sea of many returned her gaze, a collective of eyes focused exclusively on her. Trying to meet one pair was fruitless—they weaved in and out of each other, blending into each other. Where one ended and another began was left unclear. But that was intentional. For they were more than just those of their parts. Not one. Not all. But both. And neither. And something new. 

“There is a man obsessed with insects in town.  Or- he inherited an obsession with insects, from what I’ve summarized.  He wanted to come get the hive as well if I’m being honest.  I agreed to let you come take it before your rudeness came out.”  Vic watched the ground as she spoke, the way the snow glistened against the twilight of the evening made it look like a natural shimmer on the ground.  She wondered what color paint it would take to achieve such a color.  “I’ll ask him what his going rate is.”  She narrowed her eyes at Eilidh, wondering if she was being serious with her implication.  “It’s incredibly illegal in the United States to trade services for such favors”, she chided disapprovingly.  “You expect me to behave like a depraved criminal?”  The thought was appealing, even if she didn’t particularly want to admit it.  Her bed had been particularly cold lately, especially since Marley found herself practically hitched.  It would be easy with Eilidh, especially if she could find some good-quality earplugs. 

Vic wanted to flinch as the bees swarmed, childhood fears of discomfort bubbling to the surface at the thought of being stung by the beasts.  But then she blinked as the swarm became more concrete, not quite believing what she saw forming in front of her.  “Oh.  That’s the naked man”, she said, everything coming into place.  “Perhaps this is why it appears he’s vibrating from afar.”  She stepped closer to Eilidh and the bee man, realizing now that these bees were less natural than she thought.  Phallic loving bees for sure, judging from the shape of the hive and the vibrating man’s apparent appendage.  “Maybe he needs to earn your trust before they’ll let you cut it down”, she suggested, her voice a hushed whisper in Eilidh’s ear.  “Naked man!”, she was shouting now, even though the bee man was barely two feet away.  “You are not safe here.  Or- you do not belong.  I do not wish to look at your offensive, ugly hive any longer!”

Eilidh blinked. Only once, realization pushed away the confusion and forced out a laugh. Loud and brief—thunderclap of amusement. “For someone who can’t say it. You got pussy on the mind.” Certainly hadn’t been the main path her mind ventured. While Vic’s body had been a topic—and sex did find itself lower down on the list—it had focused more on humiliation than pleasure. Though for some, the two weren’t so exclusive. The latter especially took a run about in her thoughts. Caused a prick of rage, though left an aftertaste of craving. A craving she thought she’d been done with, after the abandonment set in. But anger and lust often paired, at least for her. She eyed the woman up and down, hands unsure if they wanted to slap or caress. “‘Pends. How desperately you want ‘em gone?” Those hands found an answer at Vic’s… attempt to placate the hive. Directed shout caused the amalgamation to flinch in its own special way. Form rippled as if struck by the sound waves. Solidity returned at the insult, though stillness did not. Vibrations shook its entire core—caused a buzzing unlike anything heard before. Before the situation could be worsened, those decisive hands finally found themselves on Vic. And gave her a blunt shove. Right into the snow. “Anyway. Wanna get away from this bitch? To some place nice and warm? Summer’s only a few miles away.” Stillness. Silence. The hive watched her with consideration, head tilting in thought. 

Vic knew her face could no longer blush, but she was sure that the moment a laugh bubbled out from Eilidh, her cheeks turned a bright crimson.  She didn’t know why she assumed Eilidh had been making such an offer, but hindsight made her utterly embarrassed that she’d said it out loud.   “It’s just what I’ve come to expect from you”, she muttered out weakly, her hands traveling to smooth down her hair in an effort to keep themselves busy.  “Desperately enough to invite who I thought would be a stranger over to take them”, she answered honestly, wondering if this whole interaction might be over by now if she had just let the insect man grab the hive instead.  It certainly would have filled her with much less dread and guilt, that was for sure.  Vic let out an equally surprised and offended grunt when she was shoved to the ground, and her hands barely caught herself in time to stop herself from landing face-first in the snow.  The nerve of Eilidh pushing her down on her own property!  As she picked herself up and brushed herself off, face contorted with a mix of annoyance and offense, she distantly heard what her companion was saying to the dickbees.  “Bitch?”, she asked incredulously, clearly offended.  “That’s incredibly rude.  If you’re going to insult me, at least do it while I’m out of earshot like a decent person”, she huffed.  The bees, for their part, seemed calmed by Eilidh’s offer, and their shape began to form less of a man with every passing second, as if their demeanor was calming.  Despite all of the offense, Vic couldn’t help but glance again at Eilidh.  “I think they’ll like their new mom”, she said dryly.  Eilidh seemed to have some sort of special connection with stupid creatures, if her relationship with Winifred was any indication.

Eilidh smirked, eyes refusing to join the ground with the woman she addressed. “Then get outta earshot.” She felt a sudden pull for the amalgamation, at that quip of motherhood. Such a word always putting her in an odd sort of way, whether pleasant or distressed. But it passed just as the sourcing comment. A thought of apology was absent from lips and mind. Her attentions instead fully found themselves on the buzzing entity—though reaction would be mirrored if the two women had been alone. The two eliciting different reactions from the entity: buzzing turned chorus with Vic and trembling turned stilled at Eilidh. Both coursed over each bee unit as the legion’s gaze went back and forth. Overcome by waves of sound and silence. The silence won, revealing the hum of brisk winds in its wake, as the rocking head settled on Eilidh. Only turned to movement again to give a small nod. Almost simultaneously, Eilidh’s hands clapped together. That nod returned on her own head. “Lovely. Let’s get on it, then.” She began her work removing the hive as inhabitants watched with a curiosity. Even assisted when needed. Hands, both of flesh and of bees, worked silently for a minute or two. Until Eilidh broke it. “I’ll message later the payment. This was lots of work, you see.” The hive began releasing its hold on the shed easily, as if all it needed was a simple push. “Gonna need to really consider all the parts.” 

Vic crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at Eilidh, sending her a look of scorn and distaste.  “You get out of my earshot!”  Although there was a feeling, deep and dark and desperate to be ignored, that she didn’t want Eilidh to leave at all.  She watched with rapt attention and curiosity as the bees and Eilidh worked together to do their work, her companion seamlessly joining a computer-like system of workers who knew what needed to be done and when.  It was so easy for them to join together, even as Vic had only moments ago been thinking how inconvenient and annoying they both were.  She let out a huff when the work was done, unsure of what exactly she was feeling.  An urge to call Morgan pricked at the back of her neck like a bee sting.  “I’ll be waiting, then.  Don’t know why everything has to be such a big production.”  Eilidh, still in love with the theatrics, could have just told her how much she wanted here and get it over with.  But Vic didn’t hate the idea of having to meet up with her again.  As she watched her go, Winnie settled at her side, her breaths heavy and rambunctious as she watched with some longing her friend leave.  Vic tried to ignore her own feeling of longing, but life was never so simple or kind. 

[boymeetsparadise]

apart (min yoongi)

masterlist

word count: 2k

summary: Yoongi is distant and the reader is snarky. Yoongi doesn’t mean to intentionally be an asshole and Reader’s pent up feelings caused by depression result into a fight and devastating time apart. They love each other and they didn’t mean it that way but realizations hurt.

warnings: language. angst. mentions of depression and negative thoughts. both don’t mean to let their feelings get the best of em.

a/n: it’s been a while since i’ve written so i’m sorry if this isn’t the best. perhaps work is also kicking my creative ass ew lol. 

——

“The guys called, I’ll be home later.” Yoongi grinned as he grabbed his keys, the sound of a door closing echoing the small hall.

-

“Kind of busy? Can we talk later?” Yoongi turned his attention to the computer screen in front of him, bringing the hot mug to his lips. “Thank you for the tea though!”

-

“Gotta take this, just a moment.” He put a finger up, requesting a moment as he walked out the door.

-

“Going out, don’t wait up.” He kissed your cheek with a hand on your back, walking away before you could think of a response.

-

“Not now, maybe later?”

“Yeah..” You sighed as you gently crumpled a shirt, tossing it onto your shared bed. The different responses all had the same meaning, leaving the same tired feelings every time. “Just lemme know what time you're coming home, yeah?” You asked with a hint of concern.

“Yeah no problem.” Yoongi grinned as he zipped up his jacket and adjusted the cap on his head. “Might be late. Laters baby” He waved as he grabbed a mask off the dresser. You sighed once hearing the door close.

“Love you.” You said out loud to an empty room.

That same night he doesn’t call and comes home at 4 am. Pretending to slow your breathing- you hear him as he walks from the bathroom to the closet, changing out of his clothes and preparing for bed, he lays down with a heavy sigh, facing away from you. Tears brim your eyes but you don’t give yourself away, he’s tired anyways.

You wondered if he ever noticed how his favorite meals you were forced to put away as leftovers were attempts at grabbing his attention. How you woke up early enough to prepare breakfast on a day where he had more time… only for him to take a sip of coffee and quickly stuff a cut piece of pancake into his mouth before running off. Or how you made sure to clean his small home studio just the way he preferred… even if you didn’t get a thanks. Most importantly, the way you always said ‘I love you’ even if he was already out the door, hoping he’d say it first for once.

You just wanted someone to talk to. A moment of peace and happiness to contrast the dark thoughts you had been having recently. This time of the year was always the hardest for you, and although you didn’t want to fully depend on your boyfriend nor make it his responsibility, you wanted some sort of reassurance or support- no matter how small. You knew he also wasn’t good at talking about feelings but it was an effort you both put in to grow and become better versions.

...But lately his constant absence didn’t help the loneliness you had already been feeling.

-

“Hey baby why don’t we stay in tonight?” You walked over to him as he sat in front of his computer, fingers softly dancing their way up to gently play with the hair near his neck. “I can cook or perhaps order delivery! There’s a movie I know you’ll love!” You grinned, hoping he would agree tonight.

He always did say to come to him when you needed something and right now you wanted his warmth.  

“Kind of busy.” He tilted his head with an annoyed sigh and clicks of the cursor filled the silent room.

You played with your hands and looked to the floor, “I know you're busy and I’m super proud of you but to be honest..” You paused, you felt as if you were about to break down. Every negative emotion was ready to be poured out after being pushed away. “I just want someone to talk to. I’ve been feeling super desperate and negative-“

“Look babe,” He set down his headphones to properly turn his chair around, taking your hand in his, “Feelings like these suck, trust me I know. Take a nap and relax okay? I know how it gets sometimes.” He nodded- continuing, “Why don’t you call your best friend? Maybe have a movie night with some snacks.” He kissed your hand before letting go and turning around to reach for his headphones. “Love you!”

“I already did.” You softly replied but it was no use as you heard the muffled sound blasting from his headphones. Despite hearing those three words for the first time in weeks, they didn’t register. You shook your head and wiped away your tears, walking back into your shared bedroom. With the door closed you slid to the floor, silently crying into your hands.

See? Not even your boyfriend wants you around. You know what you are? A bother! Why don’t you just run away from it all? You’ll go unnoticed.

A few moments passed before you decided to pick yourself up, tiredly wiping away stray tears.

Just suck it up. All you do is annoy. So whiny! Pathetic. This is why he doesn’t love you anymore.

You laid in bed with a straight face as the voices chanted in circles around your mind. Inside your mind you had anger but not towards anyone in particular but yourself, for feeling such a way and wishing you could just push it away.

-

The door clicked signaling to an entry. You heard soft ruffles of clothes from the opened closet before you heard his footsteps.

Why were you not surprised?

“Hey babe, going out. Gonna-“

“Be late I fucking know.” You interrupted and the sounds of his jewelry came to halt, your tone definitely snapping him out of his daze. Didn’t you just say you were busy?

“Pardon?” He asked as he took a few steps in your resting figure. “Is there a problem?” He asked as he adjusted his jacket.

“No.” You shook your head, “None at all. Have fun.”

“What’s up?” He shifted his weight as he crossed his hands across his chest.

“Nothing.” You dryly replied as you rolled away from his stare. “Won’t wait up, they’re expecting you. Go.”

Yoongi cocked his brow in amused confusion. He had never seen this type of behavior from you, completely forgetting your previous actions thinking this moment was completely random.

“(Y/N).” His voice was stern as he stepped closer, the use of your full name only angered you as he stood behind you, your back towards him . “Speak. What’s wrong?”

He waited for an answer but was met with none as you continued to ignore him. Now he wanted to hear what you had to say? Now he found the time?

“(Y/N).”

Silence.

“(Y/N),I won’t ask again. What’s wrong?” He felt himself growing annoyed.

“Then don’t.”

Yoongi stayed in place as you sat up, ignoring his stare and walking out into the living room. What was your reasoning for this type of behavior?

He followed the sound of the tv as you sat on the couch.

“So now you don’t wanna speak? What the fuck is wrong, tell me.”

“It’s nothing, leave me alone Yoongi.”

He shook his head in disbelief as you called him by his name. Even when it came to disagreements you would either use the nickname you gave him or refrain from using his name at all. The tone you used signaled you were angry and he wasn’t having it.

“So you can go on and act desperate for my attention huh,” He asked with a scoff. “But the second I hand it over now you wanna act silent? Grow up. Tell me what you’re on.”

You shook your head and raised your brows in shock as your tongue poked the inside of your cheek. Oh so he did notice. How great for him to say nothing until now.  

“Forget it.” You shut the tv off and stood up once again, making a beeline to the kitchen where once again, Yoongi was hot on your emotional trail.

“You obviously have something important to say so go on.” He pressed as he crossed his arms once again.

“I’m waiting.” You looked up to him with an agitated face.

“Keep waiting.” You bit back as you began to reach for the cupboard above. You hoped to relax by preparing a cup of tea but suddenly saw his hand reach out to close the small door, halting your actions.

“You don’t get to start this and leave it unfinished.” He put his hands on either side of you as you turned around, “I asked you multiple times about whatever fucking issue you have and now you wanna rub me off? I have done the absolute most and this is how you wanna go about it? We’re adults.”

You've done the absolute most? Are you kidding?  Please say it isn’t so! Don’t let it be that he’s about to start using his career against you. Not in a moment like this.

“I don’t want this okay?.” You shook your head with a dry chuckle. Your anxiety grew 10x worse as you began to mentally prepare for the possible fight that was about to start. “I don’t wanna fight with you anymore. You’re unbelievable Min Yoongi.”

“Please enlighten me (Y/F/N)”

“I shouldn’t have to repeat it.”

“Well you’re about to.” He said in an annoyed manner.

With a shake of your head, you returned the same tone. “First off.” You stood before him but his stance didn’t falter. “I’ve been trying to capture your attention for weeks now. You brush me off before I can even get a proper word in.”

“Oh please.” He scoffed.

“I’m not done Min Yoongi. Like you said, if I showed how desperate I was for your attention.. Why didn’t you mention that earlier? Don’t throw it in my fucking face. You know I try to do my part and more to help make up for the stuff I can’t do.”

You began to point a finger to his chest as he raised a brow.

“Third and final fuck of all. You want to know my deal? I’m not happy. I’ve been desperate for your attention because I’m drowning inside. A small conversation or a hug would be very helpful.” You spat. “You noticed my efforts and let me be met with disappointment every time. I feel like you don’t love me anymore. Maybe it’s my mind, but I don’t know. I’m tired. Mentally I feel like I'm self suffocating. Now leave me alone.” Before Yoongi could even process your words, you ducked under his arm and walked past him, trying to reach your bedroom when he spoke again.

“If you’re not happy then why are you here?” His words had hit another chord as you froze in place. “I love you but you know I’m not good with that soft shit. That’s why you can call your friends.”

“Other than tonight, when was the last time you said you loved me?” You pursed your lips as you spun around.  

Silence.

“See?” With a nod, you continued your stare off.

“You haven’t said it either so now what?” He challenged with a shrug.

“I’ve said it everyday Yoongi.” Licking your lips you continued, “But you're always out the door before you can hear me.”

Yoongi’s eyes moved to anything else but your eyes.

He had no reason to doubt your words.

“You don’t get it. Forget ‘that soft shit’ I brought up Yoongi.” With a shake of your head you had hoped that perhaps it would be the end. You knew you had a good reason to be angry but perhaps it didn’t come out the way you intended.

“Like I said,” His voice still low. “If you're not happy, you can leave. I’m not gonna force you since you’re so tired.” He mocked, emotions still rushing.

With exhaustion taking over you let your shoulders fall in realization. “Fine.” And with slow steps you began your walk back into your room, maybe time would help this situation. A way for you to breathe and focus on yourself. Maybe he had a point, focus on just yourself for now and come back.

In Yoongi’s mind he knew you had a point but was too stubborn to admit he wasn’t being the best boyfriend. Seeing your anger brought his out too and he couldn’t blame you.

In reality he really had noticed your efforts but tried to brush em off as clingingness, too afraid to confront the reasons as to why. Of course he still loved you. When would he ever stop? He just hasn't been able to prioritize the important. Even though he knows he shouldn’t even have to consider your position in his life.

If he couldn’t confront his own feelings, how could he help you confront yours?

He stood in the middle of the living room, all the words registering in his mind before the sound of a zipper broke his thoughts. With wide eyes he took quick strides to your bedroom. What was he saying? What was he doing?

“What are you doing?” He asked softly with concern as he leaned against the doorway.

“You have a point. I’m leaving and focusing on bettering myself okay?” Valuables tucked into the suitcase as you walked from drawer to drawer, folding clothes and tossing. “Maybe I just need some space.”

“No wait.” He stood next to the bed, hoping you’d stop your actions. “We can sit and talk, c’mon.” He extended his hand. “I’ll listen to every word okay?”

You sighed as you set down a small stack of clothes into your bag. “It’s fine. We’ll talk later okay?”

“Or you can stop packing and we can talk now?” His suggestion came out more like a question as he began to chew on his bottom lip. “See? I’ll help you unpack.”

Yoongi began to take out the folded articles of clothing and set them back into the designated drawers. With another weary sigh you crossed your arms against your chest. “Please don’t do this.”

“You said you wanted to talk feelings, let’s do that.” His voice was shaky as he stood before you, taking your hand. The realness of the moment kicked in and now he was terrified.

“This started because we didn't want to talk feelings, let’s not start another so that we do.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” He interjected as he took your other hand. “You have a point and I’m sorry I’m realizing that right now. I’ve been busy and I can’t bring myself to confront emotions. I let myself get carried away by them when I should really be listening and supporting the best I can.” He intertwined your fingers as he took a deep breath. “Just stop packing.”

“We both agreed to work on expressing our emotions. This isn’t a new topic Yoongi.” You expressed with sadness as you pulled a hand away to cradle his cheek.

“I know but please-“

“It’s best I go, at least for a bit.” Pulling away, clothes began to make their way back into the suitcase.

“(Y/N)-“

“I’m doing this for myself. Maybe I need a break from everything around me. I can't be myself and give you the best version of me if I’m feeling like a whole different person. Look at what I started. I don’t like this.”

“So you need a break from me too?” With glossy eyes Yoongi began to breathe heavily, the panic now on display before you. Have we truly done it now? 

“I’m not leaving you Min Yoongi.” You held his face in your palms as your thumbs gently rubbed his shoulders. With closed eyes he held your hand, worried. “I need to work on me. This isn’t about you or anything else. I guess I’m running from my emotions but maybe it’s best. I’ll be forced to confront them.”

“Are you sure?” He asked again hoping maybe you’d change your mind.

“Yes. I’ve been trying to distract myself from reality and I can’t do this anymore.”

Surprised you kept a steady voice, you tsked before pulling him into a hug.

“I love you so much. I’m sorry for everything tonight but please wait till I’m home okay?” You squeezed him tighter.

“But what if you don’t? What if you realize maybe I’m the reason and never come back? I’m sorry for everything too. I promise I’ll listen to your feelings. Don’t go.” Vulnerable, Yoongi felt a tear slip down his cheek and onto your shoulder. He was most certain you felt it as it left a dark stain on your shirt.

“Please don’t treat this as a breakup. It won’t be.”

“It sure feels like one.”  He wished there was more he could say.

With tears of your own you pulled away, extending a pinky before him. “Look,” Pulling his own hand up, you tried to move his fingers to mimic yours. “I promise you. I’ll be back. Just wait.”

Looking into your eyes, he admitted defeat. Your stubbornness was something he admired but he’d be lying if he said it wasn’t what he despised at this moment.

“Promise?” He shed more tears as his pinky curled.

Completing the action you nodded, “I promise. I love you Min Yoongi.”

“I love you too (Y/N/F).” With that he left himself break, pulling you in once again and sobbing into your shoulder.

That tender moment felt like you both let out everything you had to say but without using your words. If only it was always like this.

“It’s best I go. I’ll text you okay?” You wiped away a couple tears as he let you go with a sad nod.

“I’ll be here waiting.” And with a sad smile he sat on the edge of the bed as you continued to pack. 

Both of your hearts hoped this was the right answer. 

[tsukikento]

Empathetic Ch. 3

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

Summary: After your mom, the number 1 hero in America, gets offered a teaching position at U.A., you two pack up your things and head to Musutafu, Japan to start a new life. Pressure for you in America was at an all-time high, and now you're in Japan, where almost no one knows you, or your family's past.

This tale starts on your first day of class where your new teacher decides the best way for you to fit in is to fight against the strongest person in your class: Bakugou Katsuki.

Warnings/Genre: This piece will feature some angst and reference to an abusive parent, if you are ever worried about other tw’s feel free to send me an ask and I will let you know. There will also be fluff, slight angst, pining, and slowburn

A/N: This is also posted on ao3 under @allie_win. I’m transferring it over here, pls let me know if you like it! I love your comments! Just a note that any italics means thoughts.

(series masterlist)

~~

As someone who could manipulate emotions, it was hard not to be an emotional person. Everything you felt was tenfold what another person could feel.

It could be great! Like when you were happy or serene. But it could also be bad, like when you were anxious or depressed.

It took you quite some time for you to be able to control your emotions. You had to make sure you didn’t get too excited in front of others because it could freak people out. It was even worse when you were dealing with more negative emotions. You also had to make sure you had coping mechanisms for when you were stressed, in order to function like others. The hardest to fight against was your anger.

You worked hard throughout the years to keep your fury and rage down.

You still remembered sparring with your brother when he was 15 and you were 11. He had beat you time and time again and eventually you were so angry that you let yourself slip and charged straight at him. He easily blasted you back with his flames and scarred your midriff with a burn that was still healing.

You had felt crazy, like you couldn’t control anything. Your emotions swept you up like ocean waves and tumbled you through a sea of hatred. Finally, you got a better hold of concealing and coping with such emotions, and anger was one you thought you mastered.

And yet, here you were. Up in your room at 2 in the morning, reliving your conversation with Bakugou from an hour ago, comparing your anger from a few hours ago to the anger you felt when you were 11.

You felt like such an idiot, and you had no one to blame but yourself. You were one who got angry first. Not Bakugou. You can’t say that Bakgou’s anger made you angry because he simply asked you a question. You wished you could take it back. You wished you could have just told Bakugou that it’s sad and a bit personal, but that maybe one day you would tell him. Then you could have thanked him for the food and cleaned the dishes.

But no. Your loud mouth just had to get mad. How dare he ask you a question that was obviously personal?

You sighed and rotated in your bed, pushing your face into your pillow and groaning. You felt like such an idiot and you knew you should apologize, but apologizing to Bakugou was more than difficult. Why would he, in the first place, wanna talk to you? And on top of that, when you apologized, he would probably just laugh in your face, call you a moron, and walk away.

Fuck.

You grabbed your phone and turned on a playlist that helped you fall asleep. You let the music take you away, hoping that your next day was better, seeing as it was only the second school day of the week.

~~

Tuesday started quickly.

You had forgotten to set an alarm and was woken up 30 minutes before you had to leave for class. You jumped out of bed and thanked Ashido for waking you before throwing on your school uniform and making sure your earbuds were still in.

You knew you had enough time to get ready but were disappointed in not being able to go on your morning run. You had washed your face last night and decided to skip doing it again because you were low on time and not very sweaty without your morning run.

You grabbed a select amount of toiletries as well as your school bag and rushed downstairs. You brushed your teeth, fixed your hair, and applied minimal makeup in the communal bathroom. You opted for leaving everything in the bathroom because you were out of time. Once ready, you grabbed one of the many protein bars in the kitchen and followed Ashido and Toru outside.

From there, the day slowed down drastically.

With no morning run to wake you up, your brain was running on nothing and the lectures you had throughout the day dragged on. It especially didn’t help that your whole body ached from your argument. Your mind clouded itself with thoughts of what you could have done better. Your stomach churned at the thought of how much Bakugou must hate you now. And your heart begged to go back in time and answer Bakugou no matter how personal.

Dumb. 

People are not supposed to listen to their hearts all the time for a good reason. Telling Bakugou would have been a bigger mistake than how you actually reacted.

At one point, you decided to get up and take a walk to the bathroom, hoping it would wake you up. However, you quickly realized that you still had no idea where anything was and so after wandering for a couple of minutes, you decided to give up and just go back to class.

When you came back in, the sound of the door caused a few people to look towards you, Bakugou being one of them. You couldn’t read his face, but he watched you go back to your desk while everyone else was already looking back up at Aizawa-sensei.

You felt your face flush. You were too prideful and anxious to actually apologize to Bakugou. But you were disappointed in yourself for reacting the way you did. You spared a glance back to the blonde boy who was now writing down something in his notebook. His eyebrows furrowed together and he was biting his bottom lip.

What is he so focused on?

You thought about taking out your earbuds, but decided against invading his privacy. Sometimes it’s better to just leave someone alone.

By lunch, you felt like you were about to fall asleep. However, the sweet and savory aroma of Lunch Rush’s food quickly woke you up. You grabbed a caffeinated drink as well as a hearty meal that would help balance your lack of nutritious food that day. You also knew you were going to have to work out after class and grabbed some fruits and another protein bar for later.

You didn’t contribute much to the conversation during lunch because you were busy eating, but Ashido and Hagakure were talking enough for the three of you. This time you sat at a bigger table with Momo Yaoyorozu and Kyoko Jirou. Neither girl talked as much as Ashido and they could tell you were too tired to answer any questions they may have for you.

During the latter end of lunch, Momo did ask you a few questions about your quirk and your fighting style considering how well you did against Bakugou.

“Oh, honestly, I’m just lucky he didn’t know my quirk. I’m sure that if he knew my quirk then he would be able to get the upper hand,” You replied as Toru complimented you on the fight.

“That may be true, but you also waited to put him asleep. If you battled him again, the second you touched him, he would be done for,” Jirou retorted, playing with her aux as if it was hair.

“I guess so,” You started, “But some people are better at fighting against my quirk. For example, if someone needs help to sleep, I can help them with no friction. But for people who don’t want to, I have to be touching them for them to stay asleep and I have to concentrate more. In fact, if I battled Bakugou again, he might see that move coming and be so resistant that it could drain me enough for him to send an explosion my way and push me back.”

Momo gasped at your analysis. “You know your quirk so well!”

"Yeah, I’m trying to understand it and make it stronger every day,” You replied.

“Ooh, ooh!” Ashido interjected, way too excited for how drained you still felt. “Try and make me sleep, I’ll try my hardest to stay awake.”

You laughed, closed your eyes, and grabbed her hand. The process starts with you calming her down. Slowly and slowly you eased her of all her stresses and worries. When you change people’s emotions, you can sometimes see the colors. Red and purples vanished, being replaced by cool tones of blue. Ashido’s breathing slowed down and you knew her heart rate was slowing down as well. She was trying her best to resist, but it was fruitless. It was like a light switch appeared, brighter than everything else. If you flipped the switch, she would fall asleep. You used your powers to flip the switch, she fell asleep, and the blues turned darker to show you she was no longer conscious.

The rest of the table erupted into giggles as Ashido started snoring.

You let go of her hand and Ashido woke up suddenly. She blinked a couple of times and looked around the table as if she had no memory of falling asleep. The table erupted into laughter again. “

Sorry,” You said between laughs.

“It’s okay,” Ashido replied cheerfully before she grabbed her drink.

"It’s amazing to see it happen up close, and so slowly too!” Momo commented, smiling brightly at you.

You bashfully accepted the compliment before Ashido grabbed everyone’s attention with a long story about something that happened at the mall the other day.

~~

After class, you asked Ashido to show you to the training grounds seeing as you left your map of the school at home. She happily obliged and took you to the locker rooms where you grabbed your clothes from her locker and changed. You really had to ask someone where your locker was.

While you changed, she grabbed you a map of the school from the main office, and pointed out the multiple training areas. You thanked her and asked if she wanted to work out with you, but she replied that she prefers working out at night. You nodded and waved goodbye to her as you made your way to a facility with treadmills and other gym equipment.

You spent your afternoon doing a simple workout of running and muscle building. You still were too nervous to explore more into the other facilities. You also had to unpack your room so more intense training would have to wait.

By dinnertime, you were finally back in the dorms. You quickly made your way to the showers with a pair of fresh clothes to put on once clean. After showering, you washed your face and made your way back to your room.

The messy room stared back at you as you opened your door.

You groaned, knowing it would take forever to finish decorating. You put away your toiletries and dirty clothes before deciding that you needed a post workout snack.

~~

By the time you did get around to cleaning up your room, the sky was dark and the sun was replaced by a glowing moon.

You frowned at the boxes of your belongings. You grabbed a small, white bookcase you owned and made slow work of nailing it to the wall. You started placing your books and some decorative trinkets inside. Your clothes were put away into your drawers and the closet so you spent most of your time unpacking smaller items.

After a solid two hours of work, your room looked much nicer.

Your bed was made with sheets that were gold and your duvet was white. On top of the bed was a knitted, pastel pink blanket that helped tie in the black bed frame to the bright white blanket. Your desk was right next to your bed and was quite plain with no drawers. You had textbooks on the table as well as a small, gold organizing drawer that held almost nothing. It was supposed to help with containing paperwork and old assignments, but you didn’t have any yet.

Your bookcase was on the opposite wall and was surrounded by a few old photos and posters. By your door was a shelf that you kept all your toiletries on. They were organized into small baskets so you could easily grab them. One held skincare items and your toothbrush while the other had everything you needed for showering.

You smiled at your work and decided it was enough for the day considering there were only a couple boxes left of things you just needed to shove into the empty drawer in your bed frame.

You sighed and sat on your bed, grabbing your water and taking big swigs. The clock in your room read 11:00 pm.

You still had a math assignment to finish before class tomorrow. Stupid hero school, still making us learn general education. At least it was only small assignments and no major essays or anything. Or at least you hoped there were no essays.

You grabbed your bag and pulled out a pencil and some graphing paper. You sat at your desk and opened up your textbook, slowly solving each equation. You weren’t one to stay up late, even though 11 wasn’t actually too late. You opted for working out in the morning usually so by this time you were almost always tired. The workout you did today tired you out more than woke you up, and the energy drink you had with dinner was finally wearing off.

Finally, you finished your homework and slid into bed. You were wearing comfy clothes and was too exhausted to wash your face and brush your teeth before sleep finally took you.

~~

You woke up to your alarm the next day and made quick work of changing into your workout clothes. Your body ached slightly from the muscle-building yesterday, but you ignored the pain as you grabbed your phone and made your way downstairs.

You stepped out into the cool air and started stretching your body, hearing the cracks of bones and reveling in the feeling of your healing muscles. Once done, you looked around into the open area. You were still on the school grounds, but your building was so far away from everyone else that it felt as if you weren’t even in school.

You turned on some music and began your run. You stayed in the area, only going around the building and the nearby area. During your run, you were able to let go of any of your thoughts and worries, only focusing on your breathing and the music playing in your ears.

That was until you rounded the corner of the dorm building to come face to face with the fiery redhead in your class known as Kirishima Eijirou.

“Oh, oh! I’m so sorry!” You practically shouted as you stumbled back to prevent yourself from bumping into your stretching classmate.

Kirishima stood up and scratched the back of his head, “It’s no problem!”

However, with your music, his words were muffled and you quickly paused your music. “Sorry?”

“I just said it was no problem,” He responded, waving you off sheepishly. “Ah” You nodded.

“Thanks. I must not have been paying much attention. I don’t really know the campus yet so I was just running around here.”

“Oh, well, we do have a gym with treadmills or you could go down to the track if that’s what you are looking for,” Kirishima commented. His posture relaxed and he leaned his body weight to one side.

“Hmm, I’ll have to check out the track. I went to the gym yesterday although I prefer running outside,” You responded. “Thanks!”

“Anything to help possibly the strongest girl in our class!” Kirishima smiled brightly at you, his sharp teeth grabbing your attention.

You laughed a little too loud at that. “Jeez, that’s a big claim considering you’ve only ever seen me fight once!”

“Well, it was against Bakugou. He is first in our class technically. Although that’s probably because Todoroki and Midoriya hold back during fights,” He mumbled the last part, but you made a note to ask him more about that later.

“That doesn’t mean I am the strongest. All of us have our strengths and weaknesses,” You responded, blushing a little. It seemed like everyone here thought you were so strong. You weren’t so sure though.

“Wow, and so humble too. How honorable!” He commented.

“Stop! Seriously!” You were blushing pretty hard at this point. You weren’t complimented this heavily back home. Since more people knew your mom in America, you were usually expected to be the best, especially because your siblings were all up and coming or already succeeding heroes. Your oldest sibling was 14 years older than you and had made her debut over 10 years ago.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” Kirishima responded.

“It’s okay,” You waved him off, before using your cold hands to cool down your face. “I should get back inside anyway, I still need to get ready for the day.” Kirishima nodded, waving goodbye to you as you jogged past him and up to the front steps of the dorm.

Once inside, you grabbed a glass of water and rode the elevator to the top floor. You finished the glass as you arrived in your room and set it down on the desk. You took out your earbuds before grabbing your school uniform. You placed it on top of your toiletries baskets and made your way to the bathroom.

The bathrooms were arranged quite weirdly, but you tried not to pay too much attention to it. When you entered, the bathroom was plain with 6 stalls to your left and 3 sinks to your right. There were two hand dryers as well.

Opposite to the entrance were 4 doors, each leading to a different shower. There weren’t any signs differing gender, but Ashido mentioned that almost all the girls exclusively used to one on the far left.

Besides this unusual set-up, there were also a few differences purely based on American vs. Japanese culture. For one, the stalls had no gaps between doors and walls. They looked much cleaner and modern than the bathrooms in America. On top of that, each toilet was equipped with a bidet. Before, you never had time to think about the differences, but now that you were able to casually get ready, you couldn’t stop noticing the subtle and major differences.

You showered, making sure to keep your still fairly clean hair dry, and washed your face before changing unto your uniform and stepping out into the communal area. You used the mirror in front of the sink to fix your hair and put on some makeup. You cherished how slowly you were able to get ready. The peaceful morning was something you came to love. Your house was always hectic so having your own time in the morning was your favorite.

The door to your right clicked and Uraraka proceeded to walk into the bathroom as you pinned your hair out of your face. She was still in her pajamas and smiled at you before yawning and walking into the far left shower. You waved back and then turned to face the mirror again.

Even with the wall dividing you two, you could still tell she had been thinking about her dream last night. When she turned on the shower, the sound and wall were able to cover up her thoughts enough for you to easily ignore them. You started putting on your makeup as Uraraka showered, the steam emitting from her shower slowly creeped out of the small cracks in the door. Luckily, the bathroom was too big to fog up the mirrors.

You were almost done with your makeup when the shower turned off. Through your mirror, you saw her emerge, much more awake than when she entered.

You smiled at her, “Good morning,” You spoke quietly as you sprayed your face with setting spray.

“Good morning, L/N-san,” She replied, stepping in front of the mirror to your right and brushing out her hair.

“How did you sleep?” You asked her as you stared into the mirror, making sure your makeup was perfect.

Ugh, even with eight hours, I am so tired. “Good, and you?” She responded.

You refrained from commenting on her thoughts, thinking it was best to ignore it. “I slept well, I’ve been pretty tired lately with all the changes though,” You said. You placed your clothes on top of your toiletries.

Uraraka hummed in understanding. “I’m sure you’ll be more accustomed soon.”

Just then, Bakugou walked into the bathroom and your heart began beating faster. You didn’t know if it was out of fear for the argument the other night or because his bed head was just that adorable.

Stop thinking that way! You idiot! You thought, looking away from him to focus on your makeup again.

He grumbled to himself as he walked to the sink to your left. He looked at you with a scowl on his face before looking away and turning on the hot water. You took a moment to admire his sweatpants that settled low on his hips and the old band t-shirt he wore.

What is she looking at? Bakugou thought to himself when your eyes lingered on him longer than ideal.

Fuck. Hearing people’s thoughts can be so embarrassing. Maybe I should have the support group here make me some water-proof ones, you thought as Bakugou’s thoughts meddled and surpassed Uraraka’s more peaceful and quiet ones.

Stupid morning. I hate this! I need a nap and it’s only 8:00 in the morning! It’s too early for this! Bakugou thought as he splashed his face with hot water.

You giggled to yourself. Maybe it isn’t too bad hearing people’s thoughts. When Bakugou heard you, he made quick work of glaring at you. He noticed you weren’t wearing your earbuds because your hair was pinned back.

His eyes formed slits as he stared at you. Do you like reading my thoughts, shit face? You better stop before I hit you.

You laughed again.

As he spoke to you through his thoughts, his subconscious thoughts and feelings also poked through, letting you know he really wouldn’t hit you if it came down to it. Honestly, it felt pretty good knowing that.

“Bakugou, you can talk to me through your thoughts, but I can still hear your subconscious thoughts. I know you wouldn’t really hit me in front of people.” You replied.

Uraraka looked at you confused before she remembered you could hear thoughts.You heard her thoughts panic for a moment over whether or not you were listening to her thoughts. Uraraka still didn’t know you very well and was worried if you would use this against her, which didn’t settle very well with you.

However, before you could become too concerned with Uraraka, Bakugou spoke again.

“Whatever,” He mumbled before starting to brush his teeth rather violently. However, his thoughts were much more upset over the idea that you were able to beat him in his own game.

Although nervous, you felt better about being able to get through your conversation with Bakugou. His thoughts didn’t make him seem that angry and he wasn’t thinking about that night so maybe he didn’t care. Or maybe he was too tired to be thinking properly.

You grabbed your items and made your way to the door. “Bye,” You spoke as you opened the door even with full hands and made your way back to your dorm room. Once inside, you placed your things back on the shelf and put your clothes into your hamper. You had left your towel in the bathroom to dry.

You packed up your bag for the day and made your way downstairs with your backpack and the water glass. You still had 20 minutes to make breakfast so you started whipping up something quick. You thought about whether or not you should make food for other people, but decided against it when you only saw Aoyama and Tokoyami on this floor. You never even talked to them before. And who knew who was already at school or already ate?

You finished the savory meal and quickly cleaned the pan and spatula before the food had a chance to stick to it and cool down. You grabbed chopsticks from the drawer and filled your water glass before digging in. You finished just in time to clean the bowl and chopsticks. You grabbed your bag and rushed out the door. You didn’t see Ashido or Toru so you just walked by yourself and put on some music.

Within a couple of minutes, you were in the classroom and met the faces of almost everyone in the class. You quickly took your seat and pulled out your notebook and pen before turning off your music.

You took a deep breath and looked around the sea of people. Midoriya and Iida were at Uraraka’s desk, talking about this and that. Ojirou was quietly talking with Toru while Ashido animatedly talking to Kirishima. Momo was quietly reading a book while Kaminari and Jirou shared music together through earbuds.

Once Aizawa entered the class, everyone sat back down in their respective seats and quieted down. His dry eyes stared back at the class. “So,” He began, “Elemental has been going to all the other classes for the last couple days, but today she is visiting our class. So, here she is,” His voice was gravely, as if he just woke up.

In walked your mom with a bright smile. “Hello everyone,” She waved her hand. Her posture was similar to All Might’s. She commanded the room and everyone looked at her.

You quickly took off your earbuds, unable to resist hearing people’s thoughts at first seeing your mom.

Wow, she looks even stronger in person! You looked at Midoriya’s glowing eyes as he gushed over her.

Dang, she looks cool, Jirou thought.

Ugh, I still don’t get what all the hype is about, Bakugou thought as he stared at your mom. He felt your eyes on him and looked at you, glaring because he could see you weren’t wearing your earbuds. What are you looking at, huh? You mad I don’t love your mom?

You glared back at him, wishing your quirk went both ways so you could retaliate.

Bakugou smirked, realizing she couldn’t respond to him. Huh? It’s kind of nice not being able to hear your retorts. This is pretty godda-

You angrily put your earbuds back in. Fuck you, you thought harshly. Maybe if you thought hard enough, you would get the thought across him.

You looked back at your mom who was in the middle of a speech.

“So, to summarize, I am here to help with people whose quirks revolve around elements. Like, Todoroki-san or Kaminari-san.” She finished.

Aizawa stepped up from the background. “The students in this class who will be attending meetings with Elemental will be Todoroki, Bakugou, Kaminari, Asui, and Uraraka. Some of you for more obvious reasons than others. These practices will be taking place after lunch starting this Friday. You will spend three hours working with her every Monday and Friday. Now, thank you for coming, Elemental. Everyone say ‘thank you.’”

“Thank you,” A chorus of students spoke.

“Of course! I’ll see some of you soon,” She replied before looking at you. In English, she spoke. “You better come see me soon, sweetheart. I miss you and want to hear all about your fight against that boy.” You blushed as everyone looked at you.

“Okay,” You mumbled, covering your red cheeks and looking down at your desk.

“Good,” Your mom replied before leaving the room.

God, it’s so like her to embarrass me whenever she can!

“Okay, let’s get to business,” Aizawa spoke, slurring his words. “Today is hero course day. Go ahead and change into your training uniforms and then meet All Might at Cityscape 2.”

The class got up and started making their way out to the changing rooms. You got up quickly and made your way to your teacher.

“Aizawa-sensei. I haven’t gotten a locker yet in the changing rooms. I was wondering if you knew which one was mine?” You timidly asked.

“Huh? Oh, let me check.” Aizawa grabbed some papers from his bag and looked through them as the class left the room. “Hmm, uhhh, here it is. Okay, you are assigned to locker 27. The lock code is 15397.”

You grabbed a pen off Aizawa’s desk and wrote the number on your hand, too afraid you would forget. “Perfect, thank you, Aizawa-sensei.”

“No problem,” He responded quietly, as if already almost asleep.

You left the room, trailing a little far behind the class. You were lucky that you remembered where the changing room was at this point so you could catch up easily. You were the last person to enter the changing room and you went over to Ashido to grab your clothes.

“I found out what locker I have,” You said to her as you grabbed your clothes from her locker.

“Nice!” She replied. “Which one is it?”

“27,” You responded. You looked up to see Ashido was locker 176. “I guess I should go find it.” You wandered away, turning the corner to find your locker. When you found it, you realized you were right by Jirou and Tsu. You smiled at the two girls before unlocking the locker and changing into your clothes.

They didn’t smell too bad, but you knew you were going to need to wash them sooner than later. Maybe you would even sweat enough today that you would need to wash them today. Where do I even go to wash clothes? You wondered as you tied up your shoes. You made a mental note to ask someone where the laundry room was.

Just then, Ashido and Toru turned the corner to greet you. “Ready to go to Cityscape, Y/N-chan?” Toru asked you.

“Yeah,” You responded as you stood up.

“Perfect, let’s go!” Ashido spoke as she turned on her heel and led you and Toru out of the lockers.

Jirou and Momo were ahead of you as well as a few guys from the class that you hadn’t really talked to yet. Toru was telling Ashido and you a story about Ojirou. Ironically, he was one of the guys ahead of you. You couldn’t see her, but you were sure that if you could, she would be blushing.

Eventually, you exited the building and walked just a bit longer to the training ground. More students were already there. It seemed like the class was only waiting on Kaminari and Sero. Everyone stood in front of All Might, talking quietly as they waited for the last two students. Soon enough, they came running towards the group, mumbling something about forgetting Aizawa said Cityscape 2 and not Cityscape 1.

“Ha Ha Ha!” A loud and deep voice laughs. You look over to see All Might in his flexed form. He was standing tall, his chest was pushed forward, and his hands were on his hips.

You ‘awed’ at the sight. You had never seen him in this form in person and you knew it must hurt him to do it. Even just his body was captivating and loud, demanding everyone’s eyes. He was smiling so brightly one second and then the next-

Poof.

All Might was now back to his regular self. His uniform swallowed him up and his lanky body now stood in front of the class. Even though it was only for a minute, you were more than ecstatic to be able to see his flexed form. You looked at the class around you, their faces hardly changed as they saw him go between forms. They must have been so used to it by now, considering it had been almost a year since his fight with All for One.

“Let’s get started today, young students!” All Might spoke, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Today, we are utilizing your quirks in a classic game of capture the flag.”