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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 7 years ago

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Wait what con artist from 2014

I’d like to title this story “Swing And A Miss”

Okay, so my high school had this program where seniors could leave school like a month and a half early and opt out of exams if they took on internships around the neighborhood, but not everyone wanted to/was eligible to do it. Back in like 2013, they had like 15 bored seniors stuck in the school, so the administration brought in this Professional Life Coach, left him in alone in a room with them for two hours to talk to them about like, self-esteem or some shit. All the kids were pulled out of their classes for this*, and later told the administration that they loved him, they really enjoyed the talk.

So, about a year later, we have a new principal. He’s supposed to set up an assembly for all the 11th and 12th graders, but he doesn’t know what to do. One of his coworkers mentions that there was a life coach that was a huge hit with the kids that didn’t do community study last year, so maybe he’d also be great for a larger audience. The principal basically thinks “okay, what the hell” and calls up and hires Jason C. Jean to come talk to the kids.

Now, it’s like, 10:30, maybe 11:00 in the morning, and two entire grades are getting shepherded to the main gymnasium, and no one wants to God damn be there. We ain’t got time for self esteem talks. We want to sleep. And this guy, watching us all drag our feet in and collapse into the bleachers was just like…offensively peppy. There’s a couple faculty members sitting behind him, the woman who suggested he be hired for this, the vice principals for the grades- but the principal himself kept getting calls so he was in and out the whole time.

Now, Mr. Jean was like…the chill “Just call me by my first name dude” history professor at college times 30. He was trying so fucking hard. I’m referring to him as ‘Mr. Jean’ in this story just to be disrespectful. So anyway, we all get in there, and he tells us right off the bat “You guys are totally allowed to be on your phones and laptops during this! I get it! It’s no problem, like really, I insist!” so while the faculty members are exchanging smiles that read ‘how do we kill that while respecting him’, all the kids are immediately pulling out their electronics and he’s starts his speech.

Now, again, I really wanna reiterate that he told us we could be on our phones- because when the news articles started coming out about this, I remember all these angry, annoying comments from old people like “Why the hell were the students on their phones in the first place! So disrespectful! These damn millennials and their social media!” like, they were completely ignoring the entire story and just focusing in on kids using the internet, and it Really Super Pissed Me Off, so. Again, we had permission for this (which also ended up being Mr. Jean’s fatal mistake).

So, he starts off this speech fairly normally, like ‘hi, I’m Jason, I’m a professional life coach and I wanna teach you kids about how to be The Best You!’ and like people were tuning him out and listening to varying degrees. Some kids (like myself) were kinda dozing off, and everyone was on twitter or facebook.

His approach to a self esteem speech seemed to be ‘let me tell you my entire life story for hours’ and like, at first I was like “I’m not really hearing this, I’m half dreaming right now” but the more I started making myself pay attention the more…bizarre and rambling his story got.

So like, for instance, he told us he drank a lot in high school. Like, a lot. But he didn’t use that as a ‘don’t drink or party too hard’ lesson, instead he was like “I was fourteen so I always called my parents to pick me up, and they weren’t mad because they knew it meant I could trust them. So remember, always tell your parents when you’re drinking!” and then it kinda got to a point where it sounded like he was encouraging partying and drinking and the like to the group of underage kids.

And then, he told us how he used to play baseball all the time when he was a kid, and at 16 reached a crossroads in his life where the Phillies wanted to draft him or he could go play football for Penn State. And he said he went with Penn State but later lost the scholarship for some reason and we’re like…really.

There was absolutely nothing coherent about anything he was saying- nothing that tied anything together, made a point, seemed like it had anything to do with an assembly on self esteem. He told us at one point he was making upwards of 7 million a year. He told us one time before college he was homeless. He told us he used to own a construction company and built his own branch of nightclubs himself, that he and his friend then ran. He told us he fought a shark and came out with no scars. He told us that he had less money now, because after surviving a work related accident- direct quote- “I fell almost 30 feet and I broke in half” - he decided to leave that industry and spend more time with his family.

So, yeah, I was pretty positive this was bullshit, but there were clearly kids in the room that were falling for it. But then he said something like…he and his friend got bored one day and started jarring up their own pasta sauce, and made a deal with wegmans or some store like that to start selling it, and now he has a pasta sauce empire. Like he spent 15 fucking minutes on this. The way he kept saying ‘pasta sauce’ was so annoying I was about to claw my ears out. But anyway, two girls in my grade wanted to find out what brand he was talking about, so they googled his name.

And then quietly gasped.

And then furiously started typing into their phones.

And remember- everyone, even though they were paying attention- was on twitter and facebook. All the sudden I see heads flying up and wide eyes and people whispering to each other. Mr. Jean doesn’t seem to notice the change and keeps rambling on, but I know something happened so I google him too and-

Okay so basically he’s 1) been arrested, 2) filed for bankruptcy like three times and 3) has been hailed as a ‘Swinger Guru’ by playboy.

EVERYONES SILENTLY FLIPPING OUT.

So by now, this is a fucking game- he still doesn’t notice anything wrong amongst the kids, so we’re all silently texting each other to fill each other in. Pulling up receipts. But still playing the part of politely intrigued audience members. The school faculty have no fucking idea what’s going on, until one of the students texts her mom, who happens to be the woman that convinced the principal to hire this guy. We see her check her phone, go wide-eyed, and she runs out of the fucking room presumably to either find the principal or hide in terror.

So Mr. Jean had been talking to random people intermittently throughout this speech, but we reach the ‘questions’ part of it. Everyone seems to silently agree that instead of just asking him anything outright, we should just see how good of a liar he was. So they’d be asking him stuff like ‘how much money did you make with ____ company’ and he’d give a ridiculously high number as people were sending each other reports of him filing for bankruptcy during that time. Or they asked him about his construction business which he said was great, and while he was talking about how great it was we were all reading his arrest report, from when a woman hired him to build her house, and he took her money and then like…just didn’t build anything. Wild. Someone asked him about his family and he’s extolling Christian virtues while we’re all on the website for his annual Swing Fest. People would ask him how he got certain jobs and he was making promises to hook kids up in interviews and shit. Everyone was loosing their God damn minds online and just barely holding it together in person. This man was so beyond full of shit- like, he was a God awful life coach but his dedication to lying was inspirational.

We eventually get to leave and everyone is yelling and cracking up and freaking out, all running to our classes to tell the teachers and the underclassmen everything, and the teachers are freaking out, alternating between horrified confusion and laughing hysterically. Before the school day even ended, someone had called a bunch of news stations. The principal was freaking out and denying he had anything to do with it, before calling some students to his office to see what exactly the kids had searched up on the guy…Because apparently teenagers can perform better background checks than school officials. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks.

A couple months after this, for my theater class’ showcase, I wrote and directed a skit called ‘Mason B. Mean’. It was a huge hit. The principal was in the audience. I’ve never seen a grown man look so dead inside. I made sure I was out of the room before he came up to congratulate the cast and everything. The next day, my theater teacher told me his only comment about the skit was a quiet, long-suffering “Why.” 😂😂

Annnnnnnnd that’s the time a Swinger Entrepreneur rambled on about pasta sauce and money in front of teenagers who knew how to use google for almost two hours.

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/Montco_principal_apologizes_for_having_swinger_entrepreneur_speak_to_kids.html

#lmao #true story #molly mumbles #high school #memories #asks

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sublimedeal · 8 years ago

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Bushra Azhar – Sold Out Launch

EVEN if you have taken a zillion other courses (but never finished any) EVEN if you think you have seen & done it all ( with no results) EVEN if you have 2 hours a day to work on your launch (& no budget to hire a coach,mentor, designer, *insert other useless must-have* ) EVEN if you think the internet is a dirty messy place that only favors the BIG GUNS (& you are decidedly NOT a big gun or ANY gun)

Here’s how… Consumer Psychology Knowing exactly what makes people buy and not tip-toe around your buyers for months building an email list, giving value & not making money. The idea is to ditch the advice of creating a list of subscribers and instead create a list of buyers from the get-go. More than 20% of my own email list are buyers and this is exactly what I preach in SOL..because guess what? We want people to see you as a book shopped not a library where they can get free information and never open their wallet EVER.

The 80:20 Launch Rule Using the shortest most effective path to launching so that you don’t spend hours (weeks, months…even years) planning, wondering & losing your mind. Instead you can just use this plug and play system with the tech, graphics, email, social media posts, sales page templates heck even your ads..and just transplant it in your launch. No thinking, wondering, second-guessing yourself, no needing to invest 10 grand for a coach, custom website or mastermind. Just trusting the system, taking actions that GET results and making lots of money…all in one full swoop

Functional Behavioral Leverage My unique and kinda lunatic Systematic Stalking Initiative coupled with SOL Hall of Fame tactic that allowed 92% of students to finish the course and 41% of them to launch in less than 4 months. I don’t know of any online program (heck even COACHING program) that promises such results. As one SOLer described it “It was like you were running after me urging me to get to the finish line, sometimes lovingly, sometimes fiercely..but always there” THAT is behavioral leverage and THAT is what gets people to launch and sell out in 35 days.

PLAY THE VIDEO TO FIND OUT THE BRAIN GLITCH THAT’S KEEPING YOU FROM LAUNCHING & SELLING OUT YOUR ONLINE PROGRAM (AND HOW TO OVERCOME IT) 5 SANITY-SUCKING NIGHTMARE THOUGHTS PEOPLE HAVE WHEN IT COMES TO LAUNCHING Sanity-Sucking Nightmare Thought One: “Where do I start?” “What do I do about the tech? The design? The social media?” Sanity-Sucking Nightmare Thought Two: “I need to buy this program and that system”. “I need to hire a coach and a VA and an OBM and oh ohhhhhhh…” Sanity-Sucking Nightmare Thought Three: “How do I get people to know about me?” “How do I compel them to buy?” “How do I put all the pieces together?” Sanity-Sucking Nightmare Thought Four: “I don’t want people to make fun of me” I can’t be seen failing YET AGAIN” Sanity-Sucking Nightmare Thought Five: “I am hopeless, I will never be able to do this!” “Those who do it are smarter/richer/different” Let me tell you a secret. It is not your fault! Internet experts have made launching needlessly complicated… to make matters worse people have attached a certain romanticism with the word hustle like it’s some medal to be worn by the “launchers” as the other non-hustling losers stare forlornly on. But why would they do that? If they told you that creating and launching a profitable online course can be easy, fun & effortless, who would they sell their 10,000 dollar coaching packages to? (buy now or the price goes up you sour non-hustling loser) They want you to fail….so you can keep buying.

5 TYPES OF COCKAMAMIE EXPERTS YOU SHOULD NOT BE TAKING LAUNCH ADVICE FROM The Launchy Launcher: If your only product is a product about launching, where did you learn to launch that launch program? If you have never launched a non-launch program, how come you are an expert on launching a launch? I need coffee! The Chief Expert of The Planet Internet: The one who is an expert on the internet but has zero credentials, zero expertise, zero credibility and zero relevance OUTSIDE the internet. But hey, the website is flashy and the sales page shows a picture of them with their new Merc so gotta be legit right? The Grandmaster Digital Sensei: Are you a thorough expert in everything you teach? If yes how? And can I steal your genes to clone and create other super-humans with immeasurable skills like yours? Because seriously NO human can have ALL skills needed to create, launch & sell out quality information products. The Number Flaunter: If the sole premise of your sales argument is that you made a million dollars in 10 days, that tells me nothing about what value you provide. It also tells me nothing about how you get those results (there are a lot of ways to make and some of these do make you want to throw up in your coffee) The Walking Timebomb: This is the grand poobah of the online hustle. The one who tells you that you should be working non-stop… Facebook, livestream, tweet, instagram and snapchat the hell out of your business. Sleep? Who needs sleep! That’s where I come in… The antithesis of all things internet, the slayer of BS, the basher of poopy people and the giver of zero f*ucks.

5 COMPELLING REASONS TO TRUST ME WHEN I TELL YOU ABOUT LAUNCHES (THE NOT-SO-MODEST EDITION) I am Bushra and I am not a hot shot (but I play that on the internet) I have worked on 25+ online launches and about a dozen offline launches of big name brands and after the first dozen, I developed a loose system of LAUNCHING that matches the launch with the psychology of the buyer. It has served me and my clients REALLY well. I have made one million dollars in about 2.5 years working mostly part time and no, I have not made this money doing launches telling people how to do launches. Here are some other results: 1. Worked with 5,000+ people 2. Sold 7,000+ courses 3. Built an email list of 32,000+ and an FB community of 14,000+ 4. Launched my first course and sold 320 packages in 2 weeks 5. Launched my membership site and sold 400 memberships in 28 days 6. Have the distinct pleasure of selling out my courses in a couple days after launch…I don’t even know why I set a cart-close day…it’s defunct! 7. Helped my client J sell out her program in THREE days and make $22,765 on her very first launch and with an email list of 1,200 people. 8. Helped my client L sell $750K worth of programs in a month 9. Have an online course with a completion rate of 92% (vs industry average of 15%) and a success rate of 41% (vs undisclosed but probably minuscule numbers)

I have no time: I am a mom of 2, wife of one and I live an expat life. Which means no support system and limited opportunities to keep the kids busy. I also cook every day. Till about 2 months ago I was balancing my online work with my offline consulting gig…so literally NO TIME DUDE! The techniques I teach are all about using the 80:20 rule…things don’t get any easier than the way I teach. I have no energy: I am incredibly lazy and prone to random Netflix binges so I am the perfect person to teach other lazyasses looking for an uncomplicated process to create, launch and SELL OUT! I have no team: It is possible to do this all on your own..I am a testament to that. I am a one person army and over the last 2.5 years, I have maybe outsourced 5% of my work. I have developed systems, formulas and checklists to allow me to work fast and work smart. You get access to all these when you invest in Sold Out Launch. (I now have a great team member but she came onboard after 2+ years of flying solo) I have no contacts: When I started I didn’t know a single soul on the internet…I started like everyone with no list (my first subscriber was “foxy5ways”…does that give you an idea of where I was) and slowly built my way to where I am…no contacts, no networking…just plain old hard work. So if you think only people with contacts or access to private networking events or “inner circle” access can make it, think again! 5 LIFE-ALTERING WAYS YOUR BUSINESS AND LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE (FOR THE BETTER) THIS IS YOU: Thousands of email subscribers, hundreds of eager buyers & a life that’s so full of joy it annoys the shit out of your neighbors THIS IS YOU: Your launch strategy, launch planning, copy, tech, graphics all DONE! THIS IS YOU: Your Facebook ads pumping new targeted traffic into your launch funnel effortlessly and gracefully….like a ballerina on rollerskates THIS IS YOU: Taking a day or a week (or a MONTH) off just because you feel like it because you have a system in place that does not require you to keep trading dollars for hours. THIS IS YOU: No more hoping, praying, dying… always winning. Every Time! How will you get there? I have a system that will get you there. It’s systematic, it’s scientific, and endlessly creative. It drags peoples’ eyeballs away from the cat videos on Facebook to YOUR ad. It gets people excited, animated positively exhilarated about your “thing” It makes the process of creating, launching and selling out your online product a BREEZE!

WATCH THE VIDEO TO FIND OUT THE 5X5 METHOD FOR CREATING, LAUNCHING AND SELLING OUT YOUR INFORMATION PRODUCT IN 5 WEEKS (THIS IS THE EXACT FRAMEWORK THAT HAS ALLOWED ME TO MAKE $1M IN 2 YEARS WITHOUT A TEAM, MENTOR OR MASTERMIND) YOU ARE 5 WEEKS AWAY FROM CREATING, LAUNCHING AND SELLING OUT YOUR FIRST (OR 10TH) ONLINE PROGRAM WITH MORE PROFIT, MORE FREEDOM AND FAR MORE EASE

WEEK ONE: SOLD OUT OFFER & PLAN The 4 step 45 minute idea validation and niche tightening method: This will save you months of posting survey questions and hoping people will just tell you what they want (Hint: surveys don’t work because people don’t know what they want, period.) The USP Generator: A simple tool to reverse engineer your irresistible market positioning based on the core psychological triggers of your ideal buyer. This approach positions you as a subject matter expert who can tap into the her subconscious and make her say, “I WANT YOU NOW”! The E-Learning Infrastructure: 4 Information selling models that get maximum returns and a simple test to identify which one of these models works best for your niche. The Cash Spotter Technique: How to identify the “fastest cash areas” so you’ll know exactly what to do first to get huge gains for your clients, exactly what to sell, exactly what to charge, exactly who to target, and exactly which model to use in your launch. Sold Out Launch in a Weekend: How to craft your offer, choose a model, map out your launch strategy, craft timelines and allocate resources in a weekend.

WEEK TWO: SOLD OUT LAUNCH ASSETS Fantastic Five Launch Pages: The 5 Pages you need (yes there are only 5) to create your own Sold Out Launch. Your Opt In Page: A simple (proven) formula to create an optin page that converts 80% of the cold traffic into subscribers (and loyal fans) Your Sales Page: Follow the Mass Persuasion Method to craft a sales page just like this one and to make an offer they just can not refuse. The exact structure, hooks and urgency points that make a killer sales page Your Content Delivery Page: How to create a simple page that showcases your material in the best possible way Your Thank You Page: That builds Know Like Trust and primes them for what’s next. This is a crucial page that almost everyone gets wrong Your Online Program Members Page: The best way to set up the members area after people buy from you I am not just showing you how to create these …I’m also just flat out giving you the templates for each one! Fantastic Five Launch Emails: The 5 types of emails (yep 5 only) that you need to send so that you can convert people from subscribers to buyers Seduce Email: How to create an instant connection with your readers and build Know Like Trust that not only create an instant bond with the reader but also establish you as THE subject matter expert using powerful storytelling techniques and polarizing seduction method so you attract raving fans and dispel lukewarm ones. Tease Email: How to create a frenzy of excitement & hysteria around your launch. Email formula that creates an urgent, insistent need to sign up for your launch trigger so that you can lovingly guide them through your sales funnel. Prime Email: How to prime people to buy from you. I will share a formula that serves two core purposes; priming people for the sale AND delivering massive value while creating a frenzy of excitement so that people BEG you to sell to them. Pitch Email: How to write pitch emails that look like content but have a super persuasive pitch weaved into them using the principles of Believability & Desirability Nudge Email: This email moves people from “I’ll buy when I have time” to “I Want this NOW!” People need more than one “nudge” to buy from you. I will show you a formula to write nudge emails that is tested to boost sales by as much as 70%. Persuasive Blogging Workshop: How to research, outline and create your viral-worthy blog post & launch content in under 45 minutes You’ll get examples, swipes files, worksheets, training videos, and more… so you’re able to hit the ground running without staring at a “blank screen” wondering how to start.

WEEK THREE: SOLD OUT TRAFFIC PLAN Sold Out Launch Traffic (The Strategy): This is where we start feeding your “launch machine” with perfect targeted traffic by putting your message in front of targeted audience primed to buy from you. Here’s what you get: How to create an instant frenzy of likes, comments and shares for anything you share online by tapping on to their deepest darkest desires. Everything from Facebook ads to social media posts to punchy one-liners that pull people in. A step by step training on how to find and target the RIGHT audience for your Facebook ads 10 Psychological hooks that you can use to write the copy for your Facebook ads (one of these got me a 9% click through rate) 10 Psychological hooks that you can use to write the copy for your Facebook ads (one of these got me a 9% click through rate) A step by step, goof-proof training on using Power Editor to create your high performing Facebook ads. We will talk pixels, custom audiences and all that tech gibberish that scares you so much and I will actually make it fun. Fantastic Five Launch Ads: The 5 ads you need for a Sold Out Launch. I will show you how to put together these 5 types of ads for maximum ROI on your ad spend: Seduction and brand recognition Ads: So that you become a familiar face in their newsfeed and when they do actually see you offering something, they don’t feel violated Authority building Article Ads: So that you can use the power of Facebook to establish yourself as a subject matter expert. There is a simple trick to master this that literally takes less than 30 minutes. Optin Ads: To encourage people to sign up to your email list so that you can put them in your launch funnel (AKA sell to them) Video Ads: These are under 2 minute videos that are meant to seed the idea of your product in the minds of your potential buyers. I will show you how to create these and what scripts to use. Retargeted Ads: so that people who leave your site without opting in or buying can be brought back. This is how Amazon follows you around Facebook after you look at something but leave without buying. Fantastic Five Social Media Posts: You only need 5 types of social media posts to get noticed in crowded places like Facebook groups and getting people to hunt you down and get on your list. This module will show you how to: Craft your Sold Out Launch social media plan in under 60 minutes for maximum impact, engagement & conversions Master social media etiquette and how to tailor your posts to fit the different platforms (FB groups, FB pages, live stream, twitter etc.) Find the best places to get social media inspiration and curate content that establishes you as a subject matter expert

WEEK FOUR: SOLD OUT PRODUCT CREATION Sold Out Product Creation (Strategy) You’re going to learn step-by-step how to create your own product in under 48 hours (so the actual nitty gritty product creation process), and finally how to record the sessions. This is product creation on steroids and the exact process I use to create so much quality content in so little time. Best Part? No past experience required! Sold Out Product Creation (The how-to) The three different types of info products and why you need to choose one before moving forward with course content creation The different learning styles and how to create course content that addresses all styles for an optimal learning experience Online course best practices to inspire you How to set learning objectives and map out your course content in 45 minutes How to use strategic thinking to create learning materials that support an optimal learning experience How to map out the required learning materials for your program in 45 minutes 5 best free tools for creating beautiful worksheets, guides and printables for your course How to whip up beautiful worksheets, guides and printables for your program in 2 hours

WEEK FIVE: SOLD OUT LAUNCH EXECUTION Build a Sold Out Launch: How to put all the pieces together and finally press START on that launch. This is where the rubber meets the road and this is where we get to WIN! The Ultimate Launch Checklist and Turbo Execution Guide, Plan and Calendar Template A walk-through of my process on how to launch working 4 hours a day even during launch days Sold Out Smart Phone Video Production: How to prep for your launch video shoot and a sure-fire way to always look perfectly put together in your launch videos (lighting, makeup, dress, background etc.) How to use your smartphone to make professional looking launch videos My favorite video editing softwares and how to use them for a professional looking launch vide

Bushra Azhar – Sold Out Launch published first on http://ift.tt/2qxBbOD

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endorsereviews · 8 years ago

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Bushra Azhar – Sold Out Launch

Bushra Azhar – Sold Out Launch posted first on premiumwarezstore.blogspot.com

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