#or was what happened to caterina’s children a thing of the past?

[trevisos]

making the guy who didn’t want to be first talon into first talon is certainly a choice. i think caterina believes he will rise to the occasion but i’m inclined to believe it may be magpie pulling the strings for the foreseeable future (bad for everyone involved) (fun for magpie)

[gentlelass]

Hey there.

I know this isn't mainly a social platform of writing, and if you don't care for reading my long-ass bullshit, you're free to scroll. But I was very eager to post here a summary of my Oc, Marjorie's Ford life since her birth to when she first joined the Marigold Gang, at least for that couple of people who will care enough to bother reading, since I've always left you in the dark about most of her past up until now. I will make a storyboard with actual drawings to make it more interesting to the eye at some point, but it'll take long, so for now, enjoy what I have to offer.

The recurring year is 1894, and yet another baby girl is born under the prosperous (not for too much longer) Kingdom of Italy. But not just any child, falling short of aristocracy in terms of wealth: daughter to the Opera singer Caterina Casiraghi (Ford) and the handsome but opportunist American notary who snatched the Italian beauty as soon as he saw her, Christian C. Ford. Second to nobody in her own home but her older brother, Malcom Ford, Marjorie was still spoiled and pampered from all sides, and for a while, they were happy. 

But of course it was too good to be true, and soon enough Christian's misdeeds came biting back to him, after a life time of biting more than he could chew: the notary and most of his official possessions burnt to ashes in a fire, and although the cause was officially concluded to be an accident, his family knew in their hearts it was nothing but arson: between what remained of the man's belongings, in fact, the wife found multiple letters of a minatory nature coming from some unspecified shady client of the man's, that he had evidently proceeded to ignore. The widow, left on her own with a man to bury and two children to raise,  had no choice but to roll up her sleeves, and the broken family spent the next six years of their lives incessantly hopping from place to place, partially for the matron's role she played in different courts across all Europe as a requested and appreciated soprano, partially to avoid meeting the same early end as the late father and husband may his killers spot them if they stop in a single place too long.

Such circumstances weren't the most normal for the youths to grow up in, and the siblings came out as... not any normal really: while the weight of responsibility hung on the eldest's shoulders, stuck in the role of the "man of the house" and becoming gloomier with each day, the younger could only long to receive that much attention. Daughter unsuitable of inheriting anything, too young to get married to another rich man, and with a voice too small to follow her mother's footsteps into the world of Opera, she soon veered towards theater, her frame, just as small as her voice, nimble and agile, her movements graceful, her scenic presence lovely as she had learnt to emulate from her mother. Still feeling the psychological pressure that was truly only inside her own head from being both female and the younger child, where she couldn't follow her mother's footsteps she instead followed her late father's, soon adopting less-than-savory methods to get ahead in her career, eliminating the competition before it even got the chance to become such.

All prestigious careers however have as much of a raise as they are doomed to have a fall, and in 1914, when the Great War officially broke out, the entertainment business collapsed, specially fields as frivolous as dancing and singing, and the next thing which dropped at dizzingly fast speeds was... the Ford Family's bank account.

The Ford widow, ever the loyal mother and wife, used the last funds she had to send her children to their fatherland America like many other immigrants of the time to seek luck and a better life, and we all can imagine what happened to her, next.

The sole survivors of the Ford Family, at this point aged respectively 21 and 23, were soon separated yet again, however: not any more than a few weeks after they had successfully disembarked in Mexico, in fact, the Italian government spotted them, demanding that Malcom  came immediately back to motherland to fight in the army along all other male, able-bodied Italian citizens of age. The boy, after a lifetime of accepting responsibilities, had it drilled into his very subconscious by this point to always answer the call of duty without question, and so he did one last time, taking leave from his sister and all the money they had left. He wrote his sister letters and send her more money for some time, directing them to Mexico City where he had left her. After a while however he stopped receiving answers from her altogether, an no sibling ever heard from the other ever since.

This is because Marjorie after some months of permanence in Mexico, working some gigs here and there, plus the money she was receiving from her brother, finally saw an opportunity to build a new life all for herself, where she would be the sun, the star of the scene, rather than a mere moon in the backlight of not one, but TWO suns in her case, both mother and brother. Having been a nomad all her life Marjorie never learnt to truly form bonds and emotional attachments to people, always knowing she'd lose them as soon as she had to move yet again; hence the loss of her mother and the betrayal she inflicted on her brother never weighted much on her mind, or so she tells herself. She traveled all the way up to Missouri, where she soon started working as a maid at a certain Maribel Hotel, where a "kind", if sorta odd fella by the name of Asa Sweet welcomed her in his den in exchange of a mere few favors which would cost Marjorie nothing but a constant smell of bleach on her person, due a variety of reasons, and the sanity she had already long lost anyways.

Opportunist sociopath born out of heritage, of circumstances and most importantly of the intrusive thoughts of inferiority inside her own head nobody ever bothered teaching her the strength to fend off, the rest is history.

[tumbleweed-palmer]

Unexpected: Jimmy Palmer x Original Character Chapter Three

It was so strange to think that her life could change so quickly. It had taken under an hour for everything to change. Her life would never be the same again after this moment. It was so odd to consider that the course of her life could change so suddenly without warning.

When she woke up this morning she could have never anticipated that this was the direction her life would be headed. She’d assumed she would spend her day doing a little cleaning and trying her best to deal with her heartache.

Olivia had never anticipated that things could change in an instant.

She’d certainly never anticipated that this change could ever possibly take place in a CVS bathroom stall.

The three positive pregnancy tests in her hand told her though that her life would never be the same.

She knew of course that an actual blood test and an exam from a doctor would probably be a more concrete piece of evidence, but she had a feeling that three positive pregnancy tests from different brands was some pretty solid proof. She had a distinct feeling that the chances of getting three false positives from entirely different brands with different instructions was slim to none.

The word “pregnant” kept rolling through her brain as she struggled to even grasp the concept.

If anyone had ever told her she would one day find herself standing in a bathroom stall at a CVS struggling to grasp the fact that she was pregnant then she might have assumed that this event would be taking place during the period of her life where she had very little control of anything. She would have assumed that this would happen during her party girl phase where the choices she’d made had more often than not landed her in a mess and she was honestly unstable. She would have assumed that this would happen when she was sleeping with and dating guys who would most likely run at the first indication of trouble. Olivia would never have guessed she’d be having this experience during a more stable period in her life where she had a boyfriend she could actually count on and a frankly pretty boring standard day-to-day routine.

The realization that she was going to be a mother filled her with a cocktail of emotions.

Disbelief was the most prominent emotion she was feeling. She found it so impossible to comprehend the fact that there was a literal life growing inside of her and she would be responsible for this little life for the next nine months. Sure it might be a clump of cells at the moment, but she felt an unbelievable amount of attachment to this clump of cells. She found herself thinking about how this clump of cells would grow into a person; a person who would need her protection and guidance. It seemed incomprehensible to realize the second she brought this life into the world it would be so helpless and would need her to survive. It would remain her responsibility until the last breath left her body. Parenthood was forever after all. You didn’t stop being a parent the second the kid turned eighteen despite the fact that some parents took this route with their kids. Wasn’t there a dozen little sayings about a “mother’s love” though? Didn’t most people say that you remained your mother’s baby forever?

She was filled with a sense of anxiety and the fear of inadequacy. You only had one single shot at being a good parent after all. There were no second chances or do-overs when it came to parenting. A little voice in the back of her brain told her that she knew very little about how to be someone’s mother. After all, she barely remembered her own mother.

Caterina Blanchet-Dinozzo had died so suddenly, leaving Olivia with nothing but a sizable inheritance courtesy of the Blanchet family fortune, a collection of jewels and designer clothing, and a couple of mink coats that Olivia never wore. Olivia often joked the mink coats were what had driven her to seek out vegetarianism. She’d always found the fur coats to be creepy. She thought they were a needless excessive flaunting of wealth and just looking at the furs had made her feel a little ill.

She’d been left with wealth and material items, but very little actual concrete memories of her mother. She could only remember what Caterina had looked like through photographs. It was the only way she knew that she had her mother’s eyes and her mother’s petite frame.

The nannies Dinozzo Sr. had hired for Olivia’s care may have raised her but they couldn’t provide the same nurturing love a mother might have provided. Olivia didn’t doubt that the nannies she’d had may have felt a fondness for her, but it wasn’t the same as the love a mother would feel for her child. They were being paid to care for her after all. Their love only extended as far as their paycheck at the end of the day. If they weren’t being paid they wouldn’t have stuck around no matter how much they cared for her.

By the time she was sixteen the nanny had been let go. Dinozzo Sr. had insisted that there was no need for any nannies. After all, Olivia could drive now so she was perfectly capable of getting herself to and from the private school she’d attended. She was self-sufficient enough not to need someone to monitor her activities or guide her.

He hadn’t seemed to understand though that firing the nanny had taken the only female influence Olivia had in her life. From that point on Olivia’s life had become a bit more lonesome. Sure, she’d had some contact with Tony, but her brother couldn’t provide her with any sort of real guidance the way a parent could have, especially the way a mother would have.

Dinnozzo Sr. had remarried several times since Olivia’s mother’s death, but her stream of stepmothers had never really taken to her. So, she’d never really gotten any sort of mother figure from that source. If anything she’d been ignored by her stepmothers unless they wanted to give out the appearance of being nurturing to those outside the home.

Olivia was almost surprised her father hadn’t shipped her off to boarding school the same way he’d done to Tony even when one of her stepmothers had made the suggestion. Perhaps Dinozzo Sr. had just been a little gentler when it came to his only daughter than he’d been when it came to his only son. Olivia was almost certain Tony may have seen it as her being more favored by their father, though he’d never bluntly admitted he felt that way.

Perhaps Olivia had been more favored by Dinozzo Sr. Maybe that was why she’d remained in the home?

Dinozzo Sr. hadn’t given Olivia any real indication of how to be a parent though. He may have loved Tony and her in his own dysfunctional and distant way, but it hadn’t set any clear path of how to actually raise children.

Olivia had the distinct fear that her childhood hadn’t set her up for success when it came to actually having any concept of how to be a mother.

At least she was sure of some things when it came to how to be a mom. She knew that her baby wouldn’t have nannies. She couldn’t imagine letting anyone else raise her child not even for a second. Oliva was more than sure that there wouldn’t be any boarding schools for her child. She saw how the boarding schools had impacted Tony. It made him feel like a burden to their father, like something that needed to be sent away so it wouldn’t be an inconvenience. She didn’t want her child to feel that way ever. She didn’t want to ship her baby away and pretend that it was for the best. Her baby certainly wouldn’t be ignored by her.

So, she guessed that having those guidelines to her parenting plans was at least a good starting point.

She was most surprised by the feeling of peace she felt underneath all the shock and uncertainty.

The realization that she was at least going through this experience with Jimmy Palmer filled her with a sense of peace and comfort.

Jimmy was by far the best guy she could ever hope to possibly have a child with. He was definitely the best guy she’d ever dated.

There were times where she was unsure of what she’d done to deserve someone as wonderful as him.

He’d been so patient with her; so willing to keep their relationship a secret from her brother. Now that the truth had come out to Tony, Jimmy had still been so wonderful. He’d been so sweet and so understanding. He’d been so protective of her. He’d been such a massive support system these past few days. He had doted over her and had shown so much concern for her emotional state and her physical health.

She knew that she could always count on Jimmy no matter what life threw at her. He always made it clear that he loved her so unconditionally. It had been so clear from the moment she’d met him that Jimmy Palmer was filled with an endless supply of understanding and kindness. He cared for people so selflessly without any expectations of receiving anything in return for his kindness. He was kind simply for the sake of kindness. He was good to others because he believed it was the right thing to do.

That genuine unselfish compassion was something that Olivia was so unaccustomed to. More often than not the types of people she found herself surrounded by always seemed to approach relationships with the sole foundation of wondering what was in it for them.

Guys she’d dated in the past seemed to see her as some kind of walking talking bank account. They only saw her family name, material items, and her financial situation.

Even guys she’d dated inside her own social class, who were at times even more financially well off than her, still saw her less as a human being with thoughts and feelings and saw her as a way to raise their status or a way to maintain their social standing.

Guys she’d hooked up with, without there actually being a relationship, hadn’t really seen her as a person. She was just a quick lay. They had seen her as a dumb poor little rich girl with daddy issues. They hadn’t taken any time to actually know her beyond her outer exterior, not that she’d ever given them an opportunity to do so.

She was so accustomed to people in her life being so obsessed with status and wealth and putting those concepts above anything else. They didn’t care if they were miserable as long as their bank account was overfilled and their reputations were maintained. They didn’t care about kindness or doing the right thing. They were selfish and cold.

It had all seemed so meaningless to Olivia. She’d been unable to look past how obviously unhappy everyone had been. Everyone she knew had walked around wearing masks pretending they weren’t miserable. They pretended to be good charitable people, but behind closed doors the truth came out.

The kids she’d known who were like her had let that misery consume them unable to cope while their families turned a blind eye to it to protect the family name. She’d been right there with them; destroying herself crying out for help.

It all felt so fake and so hopeless. No one knew how to be upfront about being materialistic or only caring about their money. They just pretended they were charitable and thankful for their advantages, but no one really saw what they were under the surface.

Olivia had been left feeling that her life and those she surrounded herself with were so shallow and empty. She couldn’t trust any of them or count on them at all. Deep down inside she knew that you were supposed to be able to trust people and count on them to be there no matter what. Money shouldn’t go above caring about one another.

No one had given her any indication that this could possibly be true though. She’d lost faith in most people.

Even Olivia’s own father seemed to approach relationships with the motivation of maintaining his social status and his bank account. She wasn’t blind to her father’s obsession with maintaining his wealth and his place in high society. She wasn’t immune to the whispers about her father’s attraction to women who could bolster his fortune. She certainly wasn’t immune to overhearing gossip about his wandering eye when it came to women who weren’t whoever he was married to at the time.

Her father had shown her that people weren’t kind without wanting something in return for their kindness. Everyone had an angle according to Anthony Dinozzo Senior. Money made the world go around and those with the money would do whatever it took to hold on to that money. Money went above everything; love and family included.

Olivia was accustomed to people being so obsessed with money and social standing and less motivated by kindness and actually being happy with their lives.

Jimmy Palmer had disproven what she’d always assumed to be true about people.

She knew that Jimmy Palmer didn’t care about her bank account and he didn’t care about her family name or her place in high society. Sure, he’d definitely noticed all of these things, but he had never treated her the way she was so accustomed to people treating her.

She had a distinct feeling that if she woke up tomorrow morning and decided she wanted to relinquish her family fortune that Jimmy Palmer would love her all the same.

He loved her for who she was, not for what she could do for him. Jimmy had proven to her that people could be kind. Sure those with the power would do whatever it took to keep the power, but it was still important to care for others. It was important to be kind without expecting anything in exchange. Some people sucked, but not everyone was horrible.. Jimmy had proven to her that there were still good people in this world and he seemed to believe that she was one of them.

Olivia had no doubt that Jimmy Palmer was the love of her life. How could he not be? He was the one who’d said the words himself to her that day everything had gone to hell with Tony. “…I think that maybe sometime way back before the universe was formed that maybe we were part of the same star or atom or whatever we were before we were us. How else can I explain how my heart knew it belonged to you?”

Jimmy had reassured her that no matter what happened with Tony that his heart was hers. He would never stop loving her.

She had to believe that her being pregnant wouldn’t stop Jimmy from loving her.

No matter how unexpected this all was, Olivia had to believe that Jimmy Palmer loved her enough to stand by her side.

She knew that he would do anything for her. Jimmy was always so willing to go above and beyond for her.

She fully believed he would go above and beyond when it came to being the best father he could possibly be.

They’d talked about kids before after all, though they’d never made any actual concrete plans to start a family. He’d admitted that it was something he wanted in the future, though he’d also admitted that his own issues with his father had made him anxious. Olivia knew Jimmy’s father hadn’t been a good person. Somehow Jimmy had managed to avoid becoming a thing like his father. That didn’t mean that he didn’t carry the scars from his father’s treatment though.

She’d reassured him back when he’d first opened up to her about those fears that any kid would be lucky to call him their dad. She’d meant it.

He was great with kids. She could still remember how sweet he’d been back when he’d taken her home to meet his family. He’d been so wonderful with his niece; it was so clear that he adored the child and she adored him in return. Olivia had known right then and there that Jimmy Palmer would make a great dad. She could even remember deep down inside hoping that she might be lucky enough to make him a dad one day…of course she hadn’t shared that with him. Although judging by the look his mother had given her, Olivia had a feeling Eunice Palmer had seen just what her son’s girlfriend had been thinking.

Olivia had to believe that even if Jimmy had his hesitations about fatherhood that the love he felt for her would outweigh any fears.

She knew that no matter what happened she had to be strong. It wasn’t just her anymore. It wasn’t just Jimmy and her either.

She was a mother now.

………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Jimmy tried to pretend he didn’t notice Abby’s glances his way nor the question lingering at the tip of her tongue.

He shifted in place, trying his best to pretend he didn’t notice Abby’s clear internal debate about broaching this subject. He tried to keep his focus on the stomach contents Dr. Mallard had asked him to bring to Abby’s lab and not the elephant in the room.

He knew news of Olivia’s and his relationship had spread around NCIS. It was pretty obvious that Jimmy and Tony were avoiding having to interact with one another which meant that it was impossible to keep the reasoning behind this avoidance a secret from anyone.

More than anything Jimmy wanted to avoid speaking about this entire mess with anyone outside of Dr. Mallard, who he knew would only provide him with fatherly advice about his own feelings concerning this entire situation.

Jimmy couldn’t stop the heavy sigh from leaving him as Abby finally bit the bullet, deciding to be blunt about it all. “How long are Tony and you going to avoid each other?”

“We aren’t avoiding each other.” Jimmy stated speaking all too quickly, lying through his teeth.

Abby scoffed at this remark fast to call him out on it. “Everytime one of you enters a room you peek in first to make sure the other isn’t here. If you spot one another you turn and go in the opposite direction. You peeked into my lab before you stepped foot in it just to check and make sure Tony wasn’t here.”

She spoke again before Jimmy had a chance to deny it. “You cannot avoid him forever. You both need to grow a pair and talk about it.”

Jimmy let out a scoff wanting to insist that it wasn’t that simple. Abby had no concept of what she was even talking about. It wasn’t any of her business anyhow.

He bit the inside of his cheek stopping himself from saying any of this knowing she was only bringing any of this up because she cared. “It’s not that simple Abby.”

Abby nodded her head quick to respond. “I guess so…I mean you are sleeping with his sister behind his back.”

She paused, cringing at her own statement, Jimmy fast to reply knowing he sounded defensive though he had to feel that he had the right to be. “It wasn’t just us sleeping together.”

He cringed wondering if Tony had spread that version of the story around. He hoped Tony hadn’t been that heartless and shortsighted to imply that anything between Olivia and Jimmy had just been them hooking up with no strings attached. He knew it would make Olivia feel all the more awful if Tony had implied to his coworkers that she’d just hopped into bed with Jimmy without it meaning a thing.

He was unable to stop himself from asking, not helping but to keep the defensive tone from his voice. “Is that what Tony said, that Olivia and I are just sleeping together?”

Abby spoke fast to clear it up. “Not entirely. He just said that he found you at her apartment and it was obvious what you were doing.”

She cringed once again deciding not to repeat it word for word. After all, she’d only heard it from McGee who’d been ranted to about it by Tony, but that was only after Ziva had confronted Tony about how strange he’d been acting lately.

Jimmy sighed reaching up to massage his temples this entire situation making his brain ache. He spoke hating that he was even having to have this conversation. He knew he had to clear up some things before things got even more convoluted. “It wasn’t just sex. Olivia and I are in a relationship. We’re in a serious relationship and have been for a year now. We didn’t mean to keep it from Tony for this long, but we knew he’d probably react like this…we didn’t think it would get this nasty, but still. There was a reason we kept it quiet.”

He paused unable to stop himself from coming right out and saying it. “Tony probably didn’t include the part about how he made Olivia cry and acted like a total ass. I’m sure he conveniently left that part of the story out.”

He bit down on his cheek stopping himself from saying more. The last thing he needed to do was add fuel to the fire and make things ten times worse.

He took a deep breath trying to make his approach to this clear. “Liv has asked me not to confront Tony about any of it. I respect her enough to avoid Tony for the time being. If I don’t avoid him I’m going to say something I shouldn’t and make things ten times more tense. Trust me, If…If it was up to me I wouldn’t be avoiding him. There are several things I want to say to him right now, but I love Liv too much to do it. She wants me to leave her brother be, and that’s what I’m trying to do.”

He took a deep breath holding back the desire to admit that not confronting Tony was much more difficult than he’d anticipated.

Jimmy wanted to confront Tony about this entire mess. He wanted to go up to him and say all the things he should have said a long time ago. He wanted to confront him about everything that had been said to Olivia.

He knew exactly what he would say to him: “I’m in love with your sister. Nothing will change how I feel about her. She’s the love of my life. You can hit me, you can beat me to a bloody pulp, you can even shoot me if you want to, but I will still be in love with Olivia. I will love her until the last breath leaves my body. I know you probably don’t think I’m good enough for her, but I don’t care. She loves me and I will spend the rest of my life making sure she never regrets loving me. What you said to her was cruel. She didn’t deserve any of what you said to her Tony. You broke her heart. You made her feel awful. She loves you so much and you really let her down. Do you really think so little of her? She’s not what you think she is. She’s worked so hard to be healthy and happy. I’m so proud of her and I think you should be proud of her too. If you care about her at all then you’ll apologize to her. I’m not going anywhere though Tony. I love her and I’m here to stay.”

Jimmy was pretty sure Tony might very well decide to shoot him or at the very least punch him for saying any of this, but he couldn’t help but to think it was the truth.

Jimmy didn’t care if Tony didn’t approve of Olivia and him. He didn’t care if Tony thought he was just the Autopsy Gremlin who wasn’t good enough for Olivia. Olivia thought Jimmy was good enough for her and that was enough. He loved her and he was here to stay.

More than anything Jimmy just wanted Tony to admit that what he’d said to Olivia had been out of line. Olivia deserved an apology. She deserved a sincere apology from her brother.

Jimmy knew that he couldn’t confront Tony though. He’d promised Olivia he would leave it be. He couldn’t break her trust.

It was so frustrating standing by though knowing Olivia was still hurt and Tony was still pissed off.

Jimmy had expected Abby to hassle him about it and try to convince him that he needed to confront Tony or maybe to have Abby hassle him about the fact that Olivia and he had been keeping this a secret for a year now.

He didn’t expect the words that left her instead. “What’s she like, Olivia?”

He raised an eyebrow, the look of shock apparent on his features as she spoke again. “I’ve only met her once way back when she first moved here and Tony gave her a tour of NCIS headquarters. Tony barely ever talks about her. None of us knew she even existed until she showed up. Tony just said that she was living overseas for a few years. He mentioned that she wanted to settle down closer to him. He kind of hinted that she’s not cut off from their dad’s money, so she hasn’t really had a need to stay in one place for too long. He hasn’t really talked too much about her though. It’s like pulling teeth to get him to talk too much about her. He seems protective of her, but…secretive about her. Did you two just hit it off when she came to visit Tony that day or did you get together later on? How’d you two even get together? What’s she like?”

Jimmy felt the words leave him it feeling good to speak about Olivia with someone he worked with aside from Dr. Mallard. “We met at the park two weeks after she showed up at NCIS to meet up with Tony. She was walking her neighbor’s dog and the dog stole my lunch from me…she felt so bad about it that she bought me lunch. It was really easy to talk to her…we talked for hours and we never looked back. It was just a friendship at first, but I couldn’t deny how I felt about her.”

He paused his cheeks flushing ever so slightly as he admitted it. “I made the first move and I was convinced I’d completely messed everything up, but she pointed out she’d been flirting with me for months and she was beginning to worry I’d never notice it.”

He paused again ignoring Abby’s amused look at this comment. He let out a small self-deprecating laugh. “Yeah I know, I’m clueless. I just thought she was so out of my league. I mean she is out of my league honestly. She insists that she’s not, but I know she is. Somehow she wanted me though. She managed to fall for me just as hard as I fell for her.”

He spoke once again not helping but to gush knowing he couldn’t hide the adoration from his voice. “She’s perfect, just the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She’s sweet, sophisticated, funny, beautiful,brilliant, and incredibly talented. She’s a really amazing artist. She uses her talent at her job. She really loves her job. That’s one of my favorite things about her, how much she loves her job. She has more than enough money to never work a day in her life, but she loves being able to work and teach people how to make art. It would be so easy for her to just never work a day in her life and turn all her focus on her own art, but she wouldn’t be satisfied with that. She’s really good at her job. She likes working at the community center. It doesn’t pay much but she doesn’t need the money…it’s not about the money for her. She loves art and loves helping people create it. She really likes when she gets to teach kids especially. She was actually due to teach a children’s ceramics class this week but she had to miss it because she’s been feeling unwell…I think the stress from dealing with Tony has gotten to her.”

He paused, clearing his throat unable to stop himself from continuing. “She has travelled a lot. She travelled for her old job. She did a lot of freelance work for travel brochures and magazines. Then she was living out in Los Angeles doing some photography work there for a few months. She does have money…mostly inheritance from her mom and a trust fund from her dad. So, yes she has used it to travel a lot. She’s aware that she has advantages because of the money, but she’s not entitled or materialistic about it. I mean, she shops at thrift stores because she thinks buying new clothing isn’t environmentally friendly. She thinks reusing items is far more reasonable and she really doesn’t overspend aside from paying rent in a nicer place. She actually feels pretty uncomfortable when people ask her about Dinozzo Sr. or her family or her family’s reputation…I mean she isn’t cut off from the money but…she really feels uncomfortable with her father’s world. She found it kind of suffocating and miserable. She seemed kind of embarrassed the first time I saw her place and realized how nice it is. I think she’s afraid people will write her off as being spoiled or greedy if they know about her financial situation. I know she’s had people try to take advantage of her because of her money to be honest.”

He paused once again hoping that he hadn’t crossed a line going into that much detail about Olivia’s finances. He knew it wasn’t something she felt entirely comfortable discussing. He spoke again making himself perfectly clear. “I don’t care about who she’s related to or what’s in her bank account though. I love her. She’s been amazing to me. She isn’t afraid of my job or grossed out by it. She isn’t morbidly fascinated by it either though. She just accepts that it’s part of who I am. She thinks my job is interesting, even if some of the details make her feel a little uncomfortable. She’s always made it clear that I should feel comfortable sharing things about my day with her. I’m not afraid to vent about the hard parts of my job to her and when my day is rough I know I get to go home to her place and that makes it easier. I know when I have good days I get to go share it with her and that’s even better. Having her in my life has made my world seem so much brighter. Yes, Tony is protective over her…overprotective, to the point of being suffocating to be honest. It was the main reason we were so secretive about us. She knew Tony would freak out and she didn’t want him to scare me away. We always had the intention to come clean to everyone about us. I know Tony doesn’t approve of us, but I’m here to stay. When I picture my future, Olivia is all I can see.”

He stopped speaking, his cheeks flushing slightly trying his best to avoid looking Abby’s way. He knew he’d probably gushed too much, but it felt so good to get it all out to someone other than Dr. Mallard. Jimmy was beginning to think that Dr. Mallard was getting a little tired of his constant praise and gushing over Olivia. He tried not to gush over her too often, but occasionally something would remind him of her and he just couldn’t help but to overshare. As happy as Ducky was for Jimmy, Jimmy had a feeling Ducky wasn’t so thrilled about his habit of texting Olivia, at least today he hadn’t been so thrilled.

He didn’t have an opportunity to get too embarrassed by just what Abby’s reaction might be because the person he’d just gotten through gushing about gently knocked on the doorframe. He turned around shocked to see Olivia standing right outside of Abby’s lab waiting for permission to enter.

Abby was fast to speak, looking just as surprised as Jimmy to see her. “Olivia…or Liv, right? You prefer Liv.”

Olivia did her best to give Abby a polite smile as she tried to pretend she wasn’t fighting off an impending anxiety attack over what she’d come to do. “Olivia or Liv is fine…whichever you prefer. I’m sorry to interrupt… but can I borrow Jimmy for a moment?”

She only entered the room as Abby spoke. “Of course. You aren’t interrupting anything.”

Olivia tried her best to keep calm as she approached Jimmy explaining her presence here. “I tried calling you but I think your phone is silenced. Dr. Mallard said I’d find you here.”

Jimmy furrowed his brow unable to stop himself from asking as he remembered the body Dr. Mallard had been standing over when Jimmy had left to bring Abby stomach contents. “You went down to Autopsy?”

Olivia was fast to explain, shaking her head in response. “I went to the hallway and called your phone but like I said, it went straight to voicemail. Dr. Mallard spotted me in the hall and told me where to find you. So, technically I didn’t go into Autopsy. The security guard in the lobby made it pretty clear that it’s authorized personnel allowed at Autopsy only when he gave me my visitors badge. I had to reassure him I wasn’t intending on entering Autopsy and would be calling you from the hallway.”

She spoke again as Jimmy nodded his head in understanding, not helping but to be relieved his girlfriend hadn’t seen anything too brutal at Autopsy. “We need to talk.”

She automatically felt like an idiot as she noticed Jimmy’s shoulders slump at these words, a distinct look of panic washing over his features. She’d maybe used a poor choice of words. Didn’t people say “we need to talk.” when they were about to break up with someone?

She was probably making the poor guy scared out of his mind. He probably assumed she was about to tell him that what had happened with Tony was too much and she wanted to break up.

She spoke fast to reassure him. “It’s nothing bad I promise.”

She finished the remainder of that statement in her head “At least I hope it isn’t bad.”

Jimmy nodded his head still looking a little distressed but at least seeming a little less frightened by her choice in words.

He glanced around the room debating where he could take her to find some privacy. He very well couldn’t take her back with him to Autopsy and he wasn’t sure where they could actually find some privacy in very many places in NCIS headquarters. He could take her outside but he wasn’t sure how much privacy they’d find on a bench outdoors.

Abby seemed to sense his internal debate she fast to speak up. “I’m about to take my lunch break. You guys can talk in here. Just turn off the lights and close the door behind you if you guys leave before I get back.”

Jimmy managed to murmur a thank you as he watched Abby gather her things.

Neither Olivia nor he spoke until Abby was finally gone, the stomach contents she’d been getting ready to test being set aside in a cold storage, everything being placed in a safe spot where it would remain uncompromised.

Olivia was the first to speak, her stomach in knots. “I’m sorry to drop in like this but I couldn’t really wait to talk to you until tonight.”

“It’s okay, I mean you tried to call first. I actually wound up silencing my phone. Dr. Mallard was getting pretty grouchy with all the texting I was doing this morning. I was getting ready to take my lunch break after I got done here and I was going to call you.” Jimmy explained moving fast to pull out two nearby stools for them both to sit.

Olivia took a seat unsure of how to even begin to explain the reasoning behind her visit. She wasn’t sure if just blurting out the words I’m pregnant was really the way to announce any of this.

She decided to gently approach it, working her way up to it. “You know how I’ve been feeling off lately?”

Jimmy furrowed his brow mentally going over the past couple of days. “You’ve been pretty tired for a few weeks now and you started feeling pretty nauseous a couple of days ago. You puked yesterday and then again today. You said you’re probably just feeling stressed out because of the mess with Tony.”

Olivia took a deep breath, nodding her head as the words slid from her. “It turns out it’s not stress.”

Jimmy fell into a panic, concern washing over his features as he reached out, taking her hand in his. His brain was going a mile a minute as he spoke, bombarding her with questions. “Are you okay? Is it something serious? Are you ill? Have you seen a doctor?”

Olivia gave his hand a gentle squeeze as she did her best to explain her statement and calm him. “It’s nothing like that…I mean it is serious, but I’m not ill, not really. There’s an explanation behind why I’ve been feeling so off lately…I haven’t seen a doctor but I did something else that explained it all.”

She paused, clearly able to tell that Jimmy was even more confused and more concerned than ever, his brow furrowing further as he struggled to place the information she was giving him together and figure out exactly what she was trying to say.

She took another deep breath explaining it further. “I went to CVS before I came here…and I uh I bought some pregnancy tests. I bought three actually…three different tests just to be sure I was getting the same results. I couldn’t wait to take them. I’m sorry I couldn’t wait for you to be there for it, but I had to know. It didn’t even hit me that I was late until I was cleaning the bathroom and I spotted a box of tampons. All I could think about was getting the tests and taking them as soon as possible.”

She paused, spotting how pale he was growing, his palms beginning to grow clammy his brow furrowing further.

She spoke once again spelling it out for him. “They’re positive, the tests, every single one. I’m pregnant, Jimmy. I mean I know I haven’t had a blood test and I haven’t seen a doctor to really confirm what the tests said, but what are the odds that every single pregnancy test I take is giving me the same result.”

She bit the inside of her cheek fearing that his silence meant the worst. She spoke again, needing to say it. “I know this wasn’t planned. I’m not going to lie. I’m scared to death, but I know I want this and…”

She didn’t have a chance to continue as Jimmy took her by shock leaning towards her, his lips pressing to hers.

The kiss was deep but brief. He spoke, his voice so soft he clearly filled with the same cocktail of emotions she’d been filled with when she found out the news. “Pregnant? A baby? My baby?”

Olivia managed to speak as he pressed his lips to hers again. “Yes, definitely your baby.”

Jimmy felt his cheeks flush as he reflected on his own words. He didn’t want her to think he was implying that the father of this baby could be anyone but him. He managed to find the words, his hand squeezing hers as he spoke his voice still filled with awe and disbelief. “I just, a baby, how?”

Olivia spoke, explaining it resisting the urge to tease him by jokingly having the birds and the bees talk with him. “I know. I had the same question. We’re usually pretty careful, but we have slipped up more than once, especially lately.”

Jimmy felt his cheeks flush further, knowing she had a point. She was right, they’d had a bad habit of occasionally slipping up when it came to using protection.

He guessed they just got so caught up in one another more often than not. It was something he’d always adored about them. They were both affectionate people and they tended to have an active sex life due to this.

They seemed to both share a deep need for affection. They both seemed to understand that it was how they both liked to express love. Jimmy knew that Olivia had spent so long so starved for affection and he’d always been so eager to give her all of the affection and adoration on the planet. To be honest he was just as affection starved. He loved cuddling and holding hands and making love. He had a feeling that their mutual desire for affection and willingness to give that affection to one another was part of how they’d meshed so well together. Their love language worked well with one another.

He felt his cheeks flush further it hitting him just how many times they’d forgotten to use protection lately.

He spoke, his voice still filled with shock and awe. “I’m going to be a dad.”

“You are.” Olivia provided unsure of how she should read that statement. Was he happy or upset? She knew he had those insecurities about being a father after all.

She got her answer as Jimmy released her hand reaching forward pressing his hand to her stomach staring down at it, his eyes growing damp.

He spoke, his eyes beginning to water the words spilling from him. “It sounds crazy to think that I could love someone so much when I’ve only known about them for less than five minutes. I haven’t even met them and I love them so much. I know I’d do anything for them already. I haven’t even met them but I want to give them anything and everything.I love you both so much.”

She felt the laugh leave her, her own eyes growing damp at the realization that his reaction was definitely positive. “I know, it’s weird to think I could love something that doesn’t even look remotely human right now. I’ve only known about them for a little longer than you, but I want to give them my best. We love you too.”

His lips met hers again his voice growing a little frantic as the reality of the situation really set in. “How far along do you think you are?”

“Maybe about five weeks? I mean I’m no doctor but according to Google that’s the earliest time for morning sickness to start setting in. I’d have to see a doctor to actually be sure though.” Olivia explained Jimmy fast to nod his head.

He spoke again, still sounding just as frantic.

“Okay, you need to get in with a doctor soon. The sooner we find an OBGYN the better. We need to look into finding one and setting up an appointment. We need to get some prenatal vitamins on the way home. You’re going to need to load up on nutrients. The baby is going to pull nutrients from you as it’s best to really take in as many vitamins as possible. We’ve gotta figure out a birth plan. Oh and we need to look at apartments or a house or something that has more than one bedroom. We’ll need a crib and so many things. I think the backseat of my car is big enough for a carseat…I’ll probably have to measure the backseat to be sure though. I’m going to have to do some research and see which carseat is rated the safest. Oh, and we need to call my mom..my sister too and my grandmother. I need to tell Dr. Mallard. I’ll have to figure out if I can get paternity leave. Do you think I could get leave for a few weeks around your due date?”

She bit the inside of her cheek resisting the urge to chuckle at the fact that his brain was clearly going a mile a second. Her own brain had already gone down this rabbit hole. “I’m sure Dr. Mallard would find a way to get you some time off.”

She spoke again before he had a chance to realize more things they’d have to consider about their current situation. “Take a deep breath. We have nine months to get everything together. We can start with getting me prenatal vitamins, calling your mom tonight, and looking into finding me a good OBGYN.”

Jimmy nodded his head swallowing the lump in his throat, his brain still going a mile a second. “How are you so calm about this?”

Olivia was surprised by how quickly the answer came to her. “I’m terrified, but knowing I’m doing this with you makes things a little less scary. You always make things feel a little less scary.”

Jimmy couldn’t stop the smile from crossing his lips, his lips pressing to hers the kiss brief. “I love you. I’m scared out of my mind, but I know that I couldn’t want this with anyone but you. I think you make things less scary for me too, or at least you make being scared easier.”

The response came to her without hesitation. “I love you.”

He ran his hand along her stomach gently caressing it, surprised by the sense of peace that washed over him. She was right, being together made this all seem far less frightening.

He knew they were in this together.

She placed her hand over his the two taking a moment to soak it all in and contemplate the fact that their lives would never be the same again after today.

Olivia cringed knowing she had to break the moment as reality set in hard. “I have to talk to Tony. I don’t think we can get away with avoiding him, especially nine months from now when I’m clearly very pregnant.”

Jimmy felt his stomach drop at the words. He felt the words leave him meaning for it to be a joke, but was unable to deny that there was a dose of truth behind it. “If he didn’t want to kill me already, he definitely will want me dead now.”

Olivia was surprised by the strength and sense of determination that washed over her. “He won’t have a chance to wish you dead. I’m talking and he’s listening. He’s done enough talking. It’s my turn to speak.”

She spoke again unable to hide a small sense of vulnerability from her voice. “I need you there with me when I talk to him though. I want to make it obvious you aren’t going anywhere. He needs to understand that we’re going to be together no matter what…that we’re going to be a family.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be there.” Jimmy insisted reminding himself what he’d known all along. Olivia Dinozzo was worth the risk of death at Tony Dinozzo’s hands.

He couldn’t stop the small smile from crossing his lips despite his anxieties. They were going to be a family.

Olivia gave him a soft smile trying to gather her courage.

She knew she had to step up and confront Tony.

It wasn’t just about her or Jimmy anymore. She was a mother now. They were a family.

……………………………………………………………………………….

She kept a death grip on Jimmy’s hand as they exited the elevator, both trying to hold their heads up high and pretend they felt much more confident than they actually did.

Jimmy had debated stopping by Autopsy before they headed upstairs, but he’d realized he would just be delaying the inevitable.

He had a feeling Dr. Mallard would be understanding and wouldn’t be upset that he’d seemingly disappeared after he’d been sent to Abby’s lab. He had a pretty good feeling that once he explained the situation to Dr. Mallard he’d be forgiven for not returning to Autopsy right away.

He felt the bile rise in the back of his throat as Olivia and he approached Tony, Tony not looking too entirely pleased to see his sister and Jimmy hand in hand.

He looked as though he was debating turning the other way and making an attempt to escape the room, but he remained frozen in place most likely realizing that there was no avoiding this.

Tony spoke his voice tense, swallowing a lump in his throat trying to push back emotion as Olivia and Jimmy approached him. “Olivia, what are you doing here?”

Olivia took a deep breath, Jimmy giving her hand a reassuring squeeze as she spoke. “You said we need to talk, it’s time to talk.”

Tony sighed unable to stop himself from saying it. “Right now? With him here?”

Olivia resisted the urge to roll her eyes, refusing to pull her hand from Jimmy’s. “Yes, right now and yes he has to be here. He’s here to stay..”

Tony shifted in place, his eyes cutting over to McGee and Ziva who were both clearly failing at pretending not to eavesdrop. At least Gibbs wasn’t here to give him a death glare and tell him to get back to work, or worse slap him on the back of the head and tell him to get back to work.

Olivia spoke again reminding herself she had to be assertive. It was time for her brother to listen. “Is there someplace we can speak, privately?”

Tony sighed accepting that this was happening on Olivia’s terms. He guessed he should be thankful, at least she was no longer ignoring him. “Yeah, follow me.”

He reluctantly led Olivia and Jimmy to a room that would usually be reserved for speaking to the deceased’s next of kin when NCIS was working a case. It was a simple conference room. It was the best place to find a little bit of privacy.

Oliva sighed as they all took a seat at a table, Jimmy keeping her hand in his still attempting to silently reassure her.

She spoke reminding herself to take charge and say exactly what was on her mind. She knew Tony and she had a lot of baggage to unpack. It was best to unpack it all now. “I know you resent me. I know it’s been building for a while.”

“I don’t resent you Olivia.” Tony insisted she rolling her eyes at this statement.

She was fast to speak again, knowing it was time to have this talk. She owed it to her unborn child to address all of this before she brought it into this world and this family. “You do though. You may love me, but you still resent the choices I’ve made. You resent having to be responsible for me. That’s fair. I know I’ve screwed up a lot in the past. I know I was out of control for a while. I placed my safety and my wellbeing on you. We never talked about it after you helped me get back on the right path. I never made amends and we never addressed any of the issues. I travelled and we had strained phone calls every other week, but we never talked about anything that happened.”

She spoke again not helping but to plead. “We have to talk about it Tony. Even if it hurts.”

Tony felt his throat grow tight he never being the best at expressing his emotions. He usually relied on sarcasm to hide how he actually felt. It was his way of protecting himself. He knew now wasn’t the time for sarcasm.

“I spent a lot of time afraid for you. There were nights when I dreaded the sound of my phone ringing because I wasn’t sure if was going to be you begging for my help or someone else calling to tell me you were hurt or dead.”

Olivia took a deep breath knowing that this was a step in the right direction. They had to get this all out on the table.

Tony spoke again staring down at the conference table to words leaving him he hating to say any of it outloud. “I know you were dad’s favorite, you’ve always been his favorite. He didn’t hide it. I got shipped off so I would be out of the way. He never sent you to boarding school. He said I needed the boarding school to toughen me up…he didn’t send you away. He didn’t think you needed to toughen up. He didn’t act like you were a burden…even when his third wife tried to get him to send you to that girls school abroad he refused. He didn’t cut you off. He cut me off because I wanted to follow my dreams. He sent me out into the world without any sympathy. You got to stay though. He’s always given you the world.”

“He wasn’t ever there for me…I was alone Tony. The only time he spent any time with me was at charity galas or whatever society party he wanted to make a good impression in front of his friends at…and that was only when I was old enough to be paraded around and shown off to suitable wealthy bachelors…He only did it to make himself look good. He wanted to play good dad to his friends. I didn’t get cut off but he wasn’t there for me. I never asked for anything he gave me. It was always material possessions when all I wanted was for him to tell me he loved me. I would have given it all away if I got to actually have a dad that cared. He still doesn’t care Tony. He doesn’t call me…he doesn’t ask how I am. You were always the one who’s done that. It wasn’t your responsibility to parent me.” Olivia insisted her throat growing tight Jimmy giving her hand another squeeze.

She spoke again a sigh leaving her. “I know dad didn’t treat us the same. I know it didn’t look like he thought I was a burden, but I still felt it. I know you think it was easier for me, but it wasn’t.”

“I know…I know it wasn’t easier. I know that’s why you got into so much trouble.” Tony admitted Oliiva letting out a soft sigh nodding her head.

She spoke knowing that he needed to hear it all. “I didn’t care about myself back then. I just cared about feeling good even if it was only for a night or a few hours. I didn’t really care if I lived or died. I figured that dad didn’t care. Half the time I did stupid things hoping and praying he’d show me that he actually cared. He always pretended that everything was fine though…no matter how bad it was, no matter how much I harmed myself. He didn’t notice. You were the only one who cared.”

“I still care.” Tony insisted.

She nodded her head a this needing to point out the truth. “I know you do, but I’m not that girl anymore. I don’t hate myself anymore. I’ve worked so hard to stop hating myself. I know you think I’m still a disaster. I know you don’t believe I’ve changed.”

“I do believe it…I just, I’m still scared for you Liv. I’m probably always going to be scared for you.” Tony admitted still unable to meet her eyes.

“I know you are, you don’t have to be afraid for me though. I’m okay. I’m happy.” She insisted pausing taking a deep breath knowing the words she needed to say next.

“Jimmy makes me happy.”

Tony cringed at this statement his voice tight. “You kept it from me.”

“I did, I was afraid too. I know what you think of me, how afraid you are that I’m going to fall apart again. It’s like you’re always waiting for the bottom to fall out. You’re always waiting for me to fall to pieces. I knew you’d think I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I knew you would assume the worst. I know I haven’t made smart choices when it comes to romantic partners. I didn’t want you to believe that I was falling into old habits. I wanted to tell you about Jimmy and me so many times, but I was afraid.” Olivia insisted.

Jimmy was fast to speak, hoping and praying that he wasn’t screwing everything up by joining the conversation. “We never intended for it to stay a secret for so long. I love her, Tony. Nothing is going to stop me from loving her.”

Tony clenched his jaw at this but thankfully remained silent.

Olivia spoke up relieved that her brother was at least willing to keep quiet even if he didn’t look any less upset about this. “Nothing is going to stop me from loving him.

She spoke again knowing that she needed to express exactly how she felt. It was the only way they could move forward. “What you said to me was cruel. You basically implied that I’m just hopping into bed with Jimmy without it meaning a thing. You brought up all my mistakes and implied that I’m still this horrible mess who hops into bed with anyone who will have me. It hurt…you hurt me. You were the last person I thought could ever hurt me. No matter how many times I’ve messed up you were never cruel to me. Why did you have to be horrible to me when I’m finally happy? You always told me you just wanted me to be safe and happy. I am finally secure and happy with my life and you acted like it was terrible.”

“I didn’t expect it to be Jimmy.” Tony remarked, cringing at his own words. He took a deep breath, a voice in the back of his head telling him that that wasn’t the point.

He spoke again, his voice tight. “I know I was out of line. I regretted the words the second they left my lips. I just…I wanted to strike a nerve. I guess I learned it from Senior. Dad has always known how to hit where it hurt the most. I’ve spent my life promising I’d never be a thing like him and then I failed in less than an hour.”

He paused knowing he needed to say more to make this right. “I never meant to make you feel like I’m waiting for you to fail. I do want you to be happy. I know I was horrible and I know I can never do enough to make it right or to express how sorry I am.”

They sat in silence for a long moment neither sure what to say.

Olivia took a deep breath knowing it was now or never. She gave Jimmy’s hand a squeeze as he caressed the top of her hand with his thumb silently trying to give her more reassurance.

She spoke, finding the words to say. “We have to move past this. It’s going to take time. I refuse to lose you. You’ve alway been the only sense of family I’ve ever had.”

She swallowed the lump developing in the back of her throat as she spoke again. “I refuse to lose Jimmy though. I love him, Tony. He loves me. We plan on this lasting. Jimmy isn’t going anywhere. If you cannot accept him then I don’t think we’re going to be able to move past this. You might be family, but Jimmy is part of my life.”

Tony cringed at this statement it was clear to him that there was no changing this. He risked losing her if he didn’t try to understand.

He spoke finally daring to stare up at his sister and Jimmy. “I know.”

Tony took a deep breath finally forcing himself to speak to Jimmy for the first time in days. “Do you mean it? Do you love her?”

Jimmy spoke without any hesitations. “More than anything. She’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, I know you don’t think I’m good enough for her. I can promise you though that I would do anything for her. I will spend the rest of my life showing her how grateful I am to be hers.”

Olivia spoke knowing it was time. It was now or never. “I know you wouldn’t pick him for me Tony. I know no one will ever be good enough for me in your eyes. I need you to accept that it’s not your decision though. My heart is mine to give and I’m giving it to Jimmy. I need you to accept that. I really don’t want to have to explain to my son or daughter exactly why their uncle treats their father like crap.”

It took a moment for Tony to connect the dots, his brow furrowing, he clearly soaking in her words trying to decide if she was talking about hypothetical children or if she was implying what he thought she was implying.

She spoke again solving this debate for him. “You have nine months to accept that Jimmy is here to stay. Like I said I really don’t want to explain to my son or daughter why Uncle Tony is such an ass.”

‘You’re…you?” Tony struggled to find the words his eyes growing wide his expression unreadable.

Jimmy took a deep breath hoping he wasn’t about to need to prepare to dodge a punch. “We are.”

“We just found out…we found out today actually.” Olivia explained.

She was shocked by the speed at which Tony moved he fast to embrace her the tears leaving her in an instant Jimmy reluctantly letting go of her hand.

Tony finally released her from the hug his eyes still wide his words rushed. “A baby?”

“I hope so. It’d be kind of awkward if nine months from now I give birth and it’s not a baby.” Olivia remarked Tony rolling his eyes at the statement.

He ignored her sarcastic remark the words leaving him sincerity clear in his voice. “You’re going to be a great mom.”

“She will be. She’s going to be the best.” Jimmy insisted, unable to stop himself from reaching out his hand pressing to her stomach, having the feeling this would be something he’d find himself doing more often than not for the next nine months.

Tony spoke, his shoulders tensing his voice stern. “I don’t have to tell you not to screw this up Palmer.”

Jimmy nodded his head not having any hesitation about his words. “You don’t. That’s never going to happen. She’s my world. They’re both my everything.”

Tony nodded his head his shoulders still tense, making it clear that Jimmy wasn’t entirely off the hook. If he was going to tolerate this then he was clearly going to make it clear that he was always going to be watching and making sure that Jimmy kept his word.

Tony groaned a sudden realization hitting him. “Oh God, the Autopsy Gremlin knocked up my sister. It just hit me what you two did to make my niece or nephew.”

Olivia rolled her eyes at this statement, having the feeling she would have to get accustomed to comments like this. At least Jimmy didn’t seem fazed by it; he more than accustomed to the nickname by now.

Tony spoke a huff leaving him. “A baby gremlin. I honestly just assumed Jimmy would produce asexually.”

Olivia was fast to speak rolling her eyes. “Can we please not refer to this kid as baby gremlin.”

“Why not, it’s kind of cute?” Tony insisted.

He was fast to speak again. “You could name the kid after me though, Anthony the third?”

“I’ll get back to you on that.” Olivia replied knowing this was the easiest way to let him down gently.

Tony let out a huff as he spoke, nodding to Jimmy the words leaving him. “I mean it though Palmer, don’t screw this up.”

“I won’t. I can promise you I won’t.” Jimmy insisted Olivia placing her hand over his. His hand remained pressed to her stomach, the both of them still soaking up the realization that they’d created a life.

They were a family now.

She rolled her eyes as Tony spoke, sounding far too enthusiastic. “If you have a girl you can totally get away with naming her after me still. Just spell it with an I instead of a Y and shorten it, Toni?”

She shook her head and let out a sigh. They were a family. She had to hope her son or daughter would be ready to deal with Uncle Tony.

Jimmy pressed a kiss to her temple ignoring Tony’s look of disgust, Olivia turning to press her lips to Jimmy’s ignoring Tony’s audible groan and the words that left him. “Get a room. It’s bad enough knowing that Mini-Mallard knocked you up, but I really don’t want a demonstration of how it happened.”

He spoke again a huff leaving him. "It's kind of disgusting. I don't want to think about you two like that."

Olivia pressed another kiss to Jimmy’s lips ignoring the heavy sigh that left Tony. She had a feeling that her brother would just have to get used to this.

This was her family.

[world-without-authors]

15th anniversary of our madness!

Yes, you read that right. Today, April 13th 2021, marks the 15th anniversary of when I was crazy enough to bring out the idea of a crazy roundrobin crossover on the Moony Witcher Forum.

When on that day, April 13th 2006, I made a post with the general idea for Mai Dire Fine I never thought I would be starting a saga that would be still ongoing 15 years later.

But here we are, with me and Aelit still working on its latest sequel of sorts, The World without Authors. Compared to back then, our writing skills improved a lot (Mai Dire Fine was not a good story) and, while there’s always more we can still learn, we are proud of our improvement.

So, where are we? We published recently the 10th chapter of The World without Authors, which is currently around 69.000 words – we’re already closing in towards Blank Sprite‘s length (77.000) and that’s just part of the first arc, Scattered Shards. Adding in the previous stories, we’re past 320.000 already.

Even with The World without Authors‘s “all-stars” cast, we still only have a total of five characters from Mai Dire Fine, only three of which (Sergio, Nikki and Kathleen) were part of the main cast as the other two (Faith and Virgilia) were introduced towards the end… well, technically there’s a sixth character, the mysterious “Professor”, but his identity is spoilers as of now. I believe there might be enough hints between The World without Authors and my older behind the scenes post for you to be able to guess his identity already, but the reveal is meant to be a nasty surprise that will set up the second and third arcs, Venezia Immortale and The Dove and the Crow. Yes, we’re planning (well… sort of planning) that far!

But enough of that, let’s head to the celebration specials!

Unfortunately, the Q&A session was a complete failure. We didn’t receive any question by the deadline, but the mailbox is still open! Feel free to ask us anything, we’ll make a Q&A post as soon as the question come in, and we’ll keep it updated every time new questions arrive.

We still have a few more goodies, though. The first is a bit of an experiment on my part, I took one of my early PPC missions, A Very Awkward Exorcism, alongside a couple scenes from the interlude set chronologically just before it, Planes, Guns, Clones and other usual PPC Stuff, and gave them a complete makeover into a comic. Yes, I made what I believe might be the first full PPC mission in comic form! You can download it in PDF format (Trigger warning for rape, contains some partial nudity) here. I hope you’ll enjoy it!

Another thing I made is a special anniversary illustration, in which our characters, and a few we borrowed, from all over our works enjoy some partying. With all the things happening due to the Unravel they deserve some off time, don’t  you think?

Let’s start with the back row, left to right.

First one is Ai Minase, from Koikatu. She has the distinction of being the “adopted canon character” of The World Without Authors – while we have other canons working with Strike Dove, she’s the only one who became part of the main cast on a deep level. While Hayate Yagami, her crew, the Razgriz and Long Caster also work with my main cast, they’re more of external allies. Her dress looks a bit like a tablecloth, but that’s a canon-ish outfit of hers: while she never wears it in her route, it is in her character card in the slot that gets used during dates in normal gameplay.

Next to her we have Keiko Caterina Turbo, Sergio and Nikki’s daughter with her own PPC spinoff, Wings of Canon: Second Strike. She is also the only survivor of the Second Strike cast, having lost Shiro and Saki in the Unravel, and as such the role of representative of her series is all on her. She also doesn’t like skirts, at all, why do you ask?

Then we have Hajime Irene Turbo, Keiko’s half sister/alternate incarnation from the timeline in which Sergio got together with Ami instead. She’s an original The World without Authors character, but still related to characters from my previous works. Fun fact: Keiko and Hajome’s birthday, April 13, in indeed based on the day and month we began Mai Dire Fine. If we consider HQ Standard Time (the PPC’s timeline) to coincide with the real world, they turned two years old today.

Next is Hajime’s mother, Ami Tanegashima. Mentioned first in I don’t like luxury cars to pave her way for her posthumous role in Blank Sprite, we can consider her the representative of my Blank Sprite original characters here. She’s now stuck with the absurdity of not only having a daughter she never thought she could have, but also of said daughter being currently only four years younger than her. Considering Ami’s small frame, there will likely be plenty of times in which she’s mistaken for Hajime’s younger sister… also, now that she’s 20 years old and of drinking age in Japan, she discovered she actually likes alcohol. And can deal with it surprisingly well despite her light build (as opposed to Sergio and Nikki who both can’t hold their liquor)… yes, she had more than a few glasses here. Luckily, she doesn’t drink very often.

Toasting with her is Aya Kibokami, the “fragment” that split off Madoka Kaname at the end of Blank Sprite. As such, she’s here as a representative of canon characters of Blank Sprite. Due to a certain scene of Madoka Magica, in which Madoka expresses a desire to go out drinking with her mother (who really enjoys drinking) once old enough, there is fanon of her eventually developing the same taste for liquor. While we’ll likely never know if the canon Madoka would, Aya is the other heavy drinker of my cast and here is depicted finally having a toast (or two… or a few…) with Ami to celebrate the success of their “Save Sergio and Homura from their spirals of self-destruction by making them defeat Vera and save Madoka together” master plan.

And, of course, fussing over Aya’s excessive drinking we have Kuroko Tenshimi, AKA the “split fragment” of Homura Akemi retaining the memories of the Blank Sprite Incident. While her and Aya haven’t featured yet, they did make it to the Unraveled World. However, I don’t plan on making them part of the main cast yet (in fact, I’m planning to reduce the amount of characters we’re following as the cast is getting too big), and I’m actually considering having them star in their own The World without Authors spinoff, but nothing set in stone yet. Oh, and fun fact about them, they did already have a bit of starring of their own as they were the hosts of the Third PPC HQ Hunger Games. How Nutmeg TV managed to get hold of them for that will forever remain a mistery.

Next, a character very few of you are likely to be familiar with. Nina De Nobili, the title character of the Nina, the child of the Sixth Moon book series. Acting as a representative of the Mai Dire Fine canon characters here, she’s been chosen since, as I said in the past, we started Mai Dire Fine on her author’s forum, and even received encouragement from her to keep writing at one point… despite the fact we were basically butchering her work. However, everyone has to begin somewhere, and Moony Witcher (real name Roberta Rizzo) knew that, so I’m glad she didn’t shoot down our hopes – I might not be here now with a 300.000+ words saga under my belt otherwise. Nina is not planned to reappear in the Unraveled Worlds, as she’s from a series intended for children that wouldn’t mesh well with our current plots.

The little guy sitting over the counter doing karaoke is Conan Edogawa from Detective Conan (anyone insisting on calling the series Case Closed can leave now). He’s again a canon character featured in Mai Dire Fine, but there are plans to involve him and some other characters of his series in the third arc. Also, as you can guess by Nina’s reaction, he’s a terrible, terrible singer.

Leaning on the couch we have Hiro Shirogane, our Gundam pilot. He’s a fully original character created for The World without Authors whose original concept was made by Aelit, although I was the one developing his backstory and relationship with Miksa. I admit that for a while we weren’t too sure about what to do with him, but I hope his current subplot will be enjoyable.

And now, the front row. Leftmost is Hanami, Nikki’s alternate from Kathleen’s alternate timeline (and as such a The World without Authors original). She’s been adopted by the Kinomotos (as she’s also an alternate of Sakura) and is now living with them. Something that debuted in this illustration are the glasses: those are her timeline’s Sergio, and she doesn’t actually have a need for eyesight correction. She had the lenses replaced with fake ones, and wears them due to them being one of the few things she has left of him, though they’re also a good way to differentiate herself from her “sisters”.

Then we have Sakura Kinomoto from Cardcaptor Sakura herself. If we go by name only, her first appearance in my works would be Mai Dire Fine, but that particular Sakura ended up becoming Nikki so it is safe to assume her first appearance was actually in the first mission of Wings of Canon, my main PPC spinoff, titled Don’t Forget The Canon, and she has been confirmed alive in the Unraveled World, in which she is now legally Nikki and Hanami’s younger sister. As in the comic I posted above, her hair is actually lighter than Nikki or Hanami’s as most CCS media have her with a light shade, but Nikki and Hanami both derive from the 1998 anime that had a darker brown as Sakura’s hair color.

Next to Sakura is Syaoran Li from the same series, who instead did appear as himself in Mai Dire Fine. He was badly OOC though, and if the The World without Authors incarnation of him does remember Sergio, things might a bit tense between them at first… though, hopefully, just until he gets explained that no, the “Sakura” Sergio was in love with was actualy Nikki and there’s no need to be jealous.

Then we get to Kathleen Leone. She is not the Mai Dire Fine incarnation of the character, but an alternate made for The World without Authors. Despite that, she started considering the main timeline Sergio as her own brother even before he had to kill her timeline’s, due to the latter’s descent into madness. We haven’t been able to give her much space until now, due to the action being mostly in the air, but that will change soon. I won’t spoiler anything, but Chapter 11 will be a big turning point in the story.

Of course, holding arms with her is Faith Leone, Everything I said about Kathleen applies about her too, as they’ve arrived in the Unraveled World together. We haven’t shown much on our plans to develop her so far, but trust us: we’re going to both fill in more of her bakcstory, and give her chances to shine soon.

Cutting the cake together we have Sergio Turbo and Nikki Cherryflower, both of which made their first appearances in Mai Dire Fine and appeared in all sequel works. For as much grief the Unraveled World is bringing them, it is arguable they’ve gained more than they have lost, as they’ve both got their families back thanks to it. Fun fact: their outfits are loosely based on the ones they wore during Chapter 7 of Blank Sprite.

Last but not least, Corolla. Introduced in Don’t Forget The Canon, she’s my most successful character. Defined by Aelit “Kathleen, but written well” way before we started working on The World without Authors, it isn’t a suprise they synergize so well together… much to Sergio and Nikki’s dismay. Here, is she more excited for the cake, or because they are cutting it together like it was a wedding cake? Probably both.

And that’s it, 15 years of writing, condensed in one image. We hope you’ll keep following us in the future!

[blurrypetals]

Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare - blurrypetals review

originally posted dec. 9, 2018 - ★★★★★

A-T. L-A-S-T.

I am so absolutely overwhelmed by everything that I've experienced in the last few days while listening to this. As Cassandra Clare's longest book to date, a whole dang fuckin' lot happens in this book. To sort my way through this review, the following paragraphs are gonna be chock full of a whole dang fuckin' lot of untagged spoilers, so continue at your own risk. I do think you're doing yourself a huge disservice if you do read this review before you've read the book, though. It's also incredibly likely I'll drop a spoiler or two on every Shadowhunters book so, if you're here and you have not, for some reason, read The Mortal Instruments, The Infernal Devices, the other two books in The Dark Artifices trilogy, and all of the short stories in The Bane Chronicles, Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy, and Ghosts of the Shadow Market, I implore you to amend that, to go and read those fourteen books and this fifteenth book before reading this review, just in case I ruin anything for you by accident. Okay, now that's out of the way, let's talk about sequels and how to finish a grand, epic fantasy story. It was difficult for me to not compare this book to three other books. The first two are, of course, Cassandra Clare's other finales, City of Heavenly Fire and Clockwork Princess. This handily bowls City of Heavenly Fire straight under the table because, even though City of Heavenly Fire is still a 5-star book, it's the weakest of The Mortal Instruments hexalogy and, other than perhaps The Bane Chronicles, it's also maybe the weakest in The Shadowhunter Chronicles in its current entirety. Clockwork Princess, by contrast, however, is, in my opinion, the best of the entire series. As a finale, Queen of Air and Darkness here sits comfortably as the second best Shadowhunters finale yet. So much happens in this book. It's split into three different parts which could have easily been split into three shorter books with near-perfect three act structures in place for each of them, making this book a nine act book with two "false" climaxes that would have made for quite the cliffhangers if they had been split up for any reason. The first act deals with the aftermath of Livia's death and, because it has a lot of rising action, it's actually a little frustrating in some ways, even if it was frustrating in an incredibly enjoyable way. One of my absolute favorite scenes in the whole book is Julian running to Magnus for help in the middle of the night because it so perfectly mirrors the scene in Clockwork Prince when another blue eyed boy named Will Herondale was at the end of his rope, desperate not to love a girl he was cursed not to be with. I loved the contrast between a Herondale's plea for salvation and a Blackthorn's last hope to avoid damnation, separated by a hundred years yet tied by the same plight and the same warlock's magic. Emotionless-Julian was a really compelling read, even if I was almost as angry and frustrated with him and Magnus as Emma was. I loved to hate how cold and calculating he became without his love and compassion around to guide his moral compass. I hated his betrayal of Emma so fucking much it hurt but I've always loved Julian's ruses, schemes, and plans, and his dealings with the Seelie Queen, the Black Volume, and a skilled calligrapher and wizard called OfficeMax. Damn. So fucking good. Also, speaking of Julian's plans and schemes, his war council and Livia's Watch is one of the most satisfying scenes in The Shadowhunter Chronicles as it currently exists; I'm so proud of my son. He is so great. Hot diggity. Speaking of reminders from past stories, we get the entire cast of The Mortal Instruments during a lot of this book. I was really excited anytime we ran into anyone from The Mortal Instruments, especially the part when Julian and Emma ended up being thrown in the same Unseelie prison as Jace and Clary were and that was Jace and Clary's first appearance in the whole novel. It could have easily gotten overwhelming; I was, in fact, rather worried that Jace and Clary would steal the spotlight for a good spell in the final act of the book, but they didn't, since Emma and Julian were, eh...too big to ignore, and the book even ends with the long-awaited Bane-Lightwood wedding of the centuries, but the story proper closes on Julian and Emma on the beach together. Even though The Wicked Powers is still yet to come, this book felt like a huge culmination of all fourteen of the prior books in a huge way. We had Jem and Tessa from The Infernal Devices, we had Jace, Clary, Simon, Isabelle, Alec, and Magnus from The Mortal Instruments, and we had Emma, the Blackthorns, and all their friends and allies from this series and it felt huge. I also felt the weight of what's to come in a super hardcore manner when it came to Kit and Ty, Dru and Jaime, and, of course, Ash. I genuinely feel as though I can't wait any longer to see how Kit and Ty's stories turn out. I'm especially pleased by the fact that Jem and Tessa decided to adopt Kit and that Kit will have the family he's longed for his whole life and, not only will he have two capable people parenting him through the rest of his adolescence, but he'll also have that younger sibling he's been longing for, someone he can teach and take care of in the way he wasn't when he was small. I really hope at least one of the two forthcoming Ghosts of the Shadow Market stories focuses on Kit and his new life and new home with Jem, Tessa, and hopefully their new precious tiny one. Thoughts of the future of The Shadowhunter Chronicles in Drusilla, Kit, Ty, and, specifically, Ash, bring me back around to the second section of the book, which is the most absolutely bananas thing Cassandra Clare has ever written but is also actually incredibly compelling. I fucking loved the alternate universe stuff, everything to do with the exciting return of not-Jace, the introduction of alterna-Livia, other-Cameron, and living-Raphael (especially the part where he begged Emma and Julian to tell Magnus and Alec to rename Rafael; I was in tears laughing about all of that biz), and the temporary absence of emotionless-Julian and how he and Emma ended up healing so much of their relationship there. I also am so totally down with not-Jace being the main villain of The Wicked Powers, or at least a main villain. I am really impressed with Cassie—which, when am I not, honestly?—in the way that second section of the book was written. It felt like a huge love letter to me as a longtime and dedicated fan of The Shadowhunter Chronicles in general because we got to see these, for lack of a better term, a fanfiction AU turned canon that doesn't read like a fanfiction in the least bit because it remains relevant, interesting, tense, and important the whole way through, even though it's literally a gigantic non-sequitur that some could argue is "pointless." I am not one who would argue that, though, because I loved it so damn much. It gave me what is probably my favorite Emma and Julian scene in all of The Dark Artifices, just after they return to the resistance stronghold. You know the scene. Okay, rapid fire because I could honestly go on forever about this book; I pinned 108 different clips throughout this book, which is the most pins or post-its I've ever put in one single book before. I adored the fact that Simon gave Julian his iron Lord Montgomery figurine before he and Emma left Idris. Michael Wayland's ghost showing up for Robert Lightwood's funeral fucked me up in a super hardcore way and the fact that Kit was the only one who could see him or even sense his presence really got to me and I really teared up because Bitter of Tongue from Tales from the Shadowhunter Academy absolutely wrecked me and this poked at that wound. Everything in regards to Mark, Cristina, and Kieran was incredibly sweet, sex positive, loving, trusting, and healthy and I just...gah they are perfect. A most excellent thruple, one for the ages. A great many of my pins have something to do with Kit growing into his inborn Herondale talent of being a master in snark (think candy gram and "Alas, poor Yorick,"). Everyone in the alternate realm being grossed out by endarkened-Emma's and endarkened-Julian's PDA was hilarious. Julian realizing art requires pain and morality about snapped my sad tiny bird heart clean in half. Feline death on a massive scale. Anytime Jace's more playful, youthful side showed because he's a happy boi now was delightful, especially the parts where he wanted to get to hold the mortal sword and when he declared, "We're the bait!" Magnus hallucinating was great, but my favorite hallucination was when he was flirting with a vase like it was Alec and then very seriously offering to buy it from the Institute. I also loved it when Magnus called Clary "biscuit". It made my heart all soft and nostalgic. Julian's smile at Emma when he got his emotions back tot me emotional, dammit! Caterina meeting Kit for the first time made my heart feel like it was too large for my body. Jace using finger guns, because finger guns are always hilarious. Dru realizing she was looking at the face of a parent when she looked at Julian. Kit responding to being called "Herondale," when Magnus said, "Stay away from my children, Herondale." Emma telling Diana that she showed her the kind of woman she wanted to be. Emma's terrible pun about Manuel being tied up. "Ragnor Lives." An old lady accidentally complimenting Julian on being tall. Emma and Julian deciding to go to the other at the exact same time. Alec would look better on the money. Mark trying (and failing) to make balloon animals and accidentally making them all snakes. That's not even a third of them all. Near the beginning of the review, I said I was having a difficult time avoiding comparing this book to three other books, two of which were past Shadowhunters books. The third book, however, is Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas, which is another very long final book in a series, one that somehow managed to get voted as the best YA fantasy of 2018 and, because of that slap in the face, I couldn't help but wonder how this book, technically the fifteenth in a series, managed to feel fresh, new, fun, and lovable from minute one to hour thirty of the audiobook even though this is the fifteenth time I've experienced a book in The Shadowhunter Chronicles for the first time and I've never come close to feeling the same sort of apathy or anger as I do for Sarah J. Maas and Throne of Glass. This is how you end a series. This is how you end one part of your series. This is how it's done. Take notes, everyone else. Get on Cassie's level.

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 16X14

Holy cow was this an intense episode! Wow! I’m glad that Meredith and DeLuca officially called it quits! I’m also glad that both Meredith and Hayes stood up to him and told him off. He was way out of line as usual. I like that they also explained his bizarre behaviour for the last several seasons. I loved that Hayes was there for Mer and supported her. The scene where they talked about the video games was so cute! The way she smiles around him! Her whole face lights up. Just talking to him about nothing she’s so happy. We haven’t seen her that happy in ages.

Prior to this I thought they might write DeLuca off at some point by either having him move to Switzerland to be with Bellos and be closer to his Dad or by having him go to another hospital to do his fellowship. But now after seeing this episode and how he’s clearly suffering from untreated mental illness that he’s refusing to acknowledge I’m guessing that they’re going to write him off to go seek treatment. My hope is that in the wake of that Meredith and Hayes are going to fall in love and merge their lives together. I can’t wait to see their relationship develop and grow!

I was really worried that DeLuca was going to physically hurt Meredith when he started punching the wall in that last scene. I’m glad Hayes stepped in. I liked that they also explained why Carina randomly showed up in Seattle and hung around after Arizona left. I’m hoping they’ll write DeLuca off sooner rather than later and don’t draw it out as they’ve kinda gone as far as they can go with his character. Also, I love that they suddenly explained away a season of bad writing with a conversation lol. Kind of like the brain tumour storyline with Amelia.

It reminded me of that scene after Amelia has brain surgery. The gang is waiting for her to wake up and they’re all sitting around a table saying how much they wish they could blame their dumb stuff (aka bad writing) on a brain tumour. I’m glad Suzanne is okay. She’s a nice person and a great Mom and her kids really need her. I figured that as soon as that case wrapped up Meredith and DeLuca would be done because of how obsessed he got with it. But I didn’t see it going that way. I figured that if she lived DeLuca would want to celebrate with Meredith and if she died, he would want to commiserate, and Meredith would be over it because she’d already be with Hayes. I did not see DeLuca taking it too far and the realization that he’s ill coming but it did make sense given the circumstances.

I liked that DeLuca showed his true nature and Mer finally saw it. In the past whenever he’s been insubordinate, disrespectful, rude, aggressive, or out of control it’s always been with other characters and when she’s not present. This time she saw it, called him on it, and put her foot down. It’s not just that he’s sick because he’s been disrespectful to everyone from his superiors to his subordinates for a long time now. This episode he was disrespectful to Bailey, Meredith, Hayes, and his patient. In the past we’ve seen him be disrespectful to Alex, his residents, his patients, and their families.

He’s also disrespectful and insulting towards Derek and his relationship with Meredith at every possible opportunity which is just wrong. Meredith deserves someone who is respectful of the fact that she lost the love of her life and wants to be a part of her family not someone who throws hissy fits because he’ll never be better than a dead man. DeLuca’s actions towards Suzanne were reckless and dangerous. Yes, she needed the steroids, but he should have taken the time to explain to Meredith, Suzanne, and her sister what he wanted to do. He had time. DeLuca and Dr. Riley barged into the room and administered drugs to a very sick patient without explaining what they were doing to the Attending Physician or getting consent. What they should have done was run in and told Meredith to stop and asked to speak with her outside.

He should have explained what they had found and what they wanted to do. Instead he gave her the drugs and spent the whole time he was doing it yelling at Meredith instead of explaining himself and that’s what Meredith was upset about. If she had started Suzanne on the drugs already the steroids would have killed her, and they were lucky in that DeLuca administered the steroids before she had a chance to restart the drugs. They could have had a calm reasonable conversation about it, but instead DeLuca barged in there and did what he thought was best damn the consequences.

There’s a big difference between breaking the rules to help a patient and breaking them because you’re convinced your right to the point that you won’t tell others what you’re doing. I do get his frustration, but he needs sleep and that’s all they were asking him to do was get some rest and come back. He’s sick. He needs help. And Meredith deserves better. I also liked that they established that Meredith and DeLuca are done for good because he’s unwell, refusing treatment, not sleeping, and behaving aggressively and violently towards others including her. And there is no way that super mom Meredith Grey would ever let an unstable violent person anywhere near her home where her three young children and pregnant sister are. Now way. They’re done.

I would have liked for there to be more Meredith and Hayes scenes in this episode but I’m hoping we’ll get more next episode and that things will start moving forward especially now that she’s officially single and he knows it! Cormac’s the best! I liked his scenes with Bailey and how great he is with his patients. He really cares about Joey and was super interested in joining Mer’s pro bono surgery project. He’s the kind of doctor that’s in it to make a difference and help as many people as he can just like Meredith is and I love that.

I loved that Cormac stood up for Meredith with DeLuca and that he pointed out that he needed to be written up and made sure she was okay. He was right and Meredith deserves someone who’s in her corner always! One thing I love about Cormac is that he is calm, cool, collected, and takes things in stride. He knows Meredith has three small kids and he knows Amelia is pregnant and that her and Meredith are close and he’s okay with that. He’s forming a bond with her and flirting with her knowing full well what he’s getting into. Because unlike everyone else she’s dated since Derek died, he sees her kids as part of the package. He sees them as a benefit not an obstacle or an afterthought or an accessory and he expects the same from her and I love that.

Something else I realized too is that if they get together now there’s going to be another kid in the family. Cormac’s got two teenagers, Meredith has three young kids, and Amelia is having a baby that she has decided to co-parent with her sisters. Which means by dating Meredith Cormac is agreeing to take on and parent 6 kids including a new baby as their primary father figure because Derek is dead, Amelia is single, and Alex is gone. That’s a lot but seeing as he’s a pediatric surgeon and a single dad already I think he’s up for the challenge.

And he really cares about his patients. I loved his scene with Bailey where he said he was concerned about Joey and Bailey was all ��Who’s going to be at his graduation?!?!’ And Cormac was all ‘I’m concerned about his arm.’ LOL! I love that Cormac gets along with everybody really well. Even people he’s at odds with like Cristina. So far all of the people who are important in Meredith’s life who have worked with him like him and that’s saying a lot as they are hard people to impress. I also love that he’s making a genuine effort to get along with his colleagues.

I also liked his scenes with Levi. I liked the scene at the beginning where he asked Levi if he was going to just stand there or was he planning on getting some work done? He wasn’t being rude or condescending that’s just the kind of thing your boss says to you when you’re milling around. And I loved how afterward Levi thought he was giving up on Joey when they stopped with the PT, but then Cormac clarified that he could tell that what they were doing wasn’t working and that they needed to try another approach. He found a way to make it work.

In other news Bailey is definitely going to adopt that teenager! I loved the scenes with Amelia and Maggie! So great! That was some phenomenal acting from both actors but especially Caterina. Damn. She has such amazing range as an actor. I loved how Maggie got both perspectives but was also supportive. I’ll be interested to see Meredith’s take on the whole thing as she’s been busy dealing with her own crap recently, so she hasn’t had time to help Amelia.

When it comes to that storyline I kind of see both sides. For Amelia she deserves someone who wants her and loves her no matter what and for Link he wants to know the truth so they’re at an impasse. I did think it was badass though when Amelia said eff it ‘I’m going to raise this baby with my sisters ‘cause they love me unconditionally’. That’s true love. I liked Amelia and Link together, but it looks like they won’t make it through this which is sad. I liked that Jackson finally apologized to Maggie although it was kind of out of the blue.

Also, where the heck is Teddy? Why has she had the flu for the past several episodes? I think its kind of weird that they brought her back as a main character, but then she’s been absent for half of time each season. I’m not sure where they’re going with Alex’s storyline either. I’m kind of confused. Alex ghosting everyone and not responding is super out of character for him and everyone keeps acknowledging that which makes me think something awful has happened. But then I’m more confused because if Alex is dead why didn’t they do a big death send off episode right off the bat?

One idea I had was that maybe he’s not dead, but instead is incapacitated and maybe his sister Amber or another family member has his phone. That would explain why he keeps reaching out, but then stops responding. Maybe they want to tell them, but they don’t know how. I would be cool to see Alex’s sister before the show wraps and think having a send-off storyline involving her would be a cool way to do that. It’s weird that they’re going that route especially because they’ve had Meredith call and text with Cristina recently and Sandra Oh isn’t on the show anymore. They clearly don’t have an issue doing that, so I’m confused as to why Cristina’s super responsive, but Alex is suddenly non-responsive. Hopefully we’ll get answers soon.

I didn’t like Nico in this episode. He was super hypocritical and contradictory. He called Levi out for being a baby gay and said he was inexperienced and yet he hasn’t been living his truth. And they’re being really inconsistent with his character. He previously told Levi he was out and talked about doing Christmas together a while back and now he’s saying he’s not out to his parents? Levi has risen and glowed up from Glasses to someone you can respect, and Nico isn’t treating him right. I think it’s time for him to move on.

As for the case of the week I felt so bad for the husband of that bear camping couple! That man jumped in front of a bear for his wife and she was cheating on him the whole time! The bear took his nose off and then Jackson reattached it to his arm and all he wanted to do was see his wife. And then he coded and died and the wife suddenly felt awful. I’m glad they didn’t tell him though. He died thinking his wife loved him which after the day he’d had was definitely a small mercy.

I hope Dr. Reilly sticks around a while longer. I really like her character and I felt like she had a good chemistry with DeLuca. I thought it was cool that they showed the partially clear face masks and how that works in surgery. That being said she was brought in for this specific case and DeLuca’s currently refusing to even acknowledge that he’s sick, so I don’t see much dating for him on the horizon.

Until next time!

[gnostic-heretic]

FUCKING THANK YOU!! I swear I've read so many fics where Russia out right calls people f*gs and tr*nnies given the current laws in Russia. It's disgusting and kinda spits in the face of the lgbtq+ of Russia. My wife put it best in saying that it'd make more sense and be less insulting for Russia to be closeted gay/trans. Same goes for period pieces. Lgbtq+ folk have always existed and I'm certain there were gay couples in the middle ages who wed in secret.

you’re preaching to the choir tbh this is a Good take... i have to admit i don’t read a lot of fanfiction with aph russia as a pov character BUT i can only imagine... ew

if you wanna know more about lgbt people in medieval times. this is so long so it’s going under the cut

tbh the persecution of lgbt people hit peak during the inquisition which means that we’re already at reformation vs counter-reformation times sooo post-medieval. and yes MANY people died. i’m not trying to deny it. however. first of all we only have trial records of those who were FOUND OUT and ACCUSED. so there’s a whole world we don’t know about (especially when it comes to lesbians since sodomy was seen as more of a men problem)honestly just because we are missing records of something it doesn’t mean it’s something that didn’t exist.secondly even if one was accused of sodomy... pal... at a certain point in the late middle ages more than half of the men of florence had been accused of “sodomy”. most of them got away with it or paid a fee and that was it. otherwise they would have burned like half of the city... not cool huhmost accusations were a smarmy power-move and not made out of moral outrage (unless someone was personally involved/someone’s family member was involved, then it became a matter of “it’s easier to get away with it if i say it was forced by the other person”). in other cases, someone could be completely str8 and yet be accused of sodomy- it was kinda like accusations of witchcraft really- and it wasn’t really as easy to prove as we might assume.

thirdly... as i said... especially in specific environments (especially in the upper classes, but also in some cases not- example from the records we have, “crossdressing” was more common with lower class people, possibly because it was easier to hide your identity/birth when you were not the son of the duke of the county of ‘stocazz) “sodomy” just like other “punishable sexual acts” (adultery, masturbation, sex before marriage) was... pretty much seen as not a big deal. like what people need to get about human history is that when a behavior is part of normal human sexuality you can condemn it as much as you want but it won’t go away. and people will just eventually think like... “yeah, this sure is happening”

tldr people knew that lgbt people existed- and more or less tolerated it, if they were not lgbt themselves. just like... at most points in post-xtian history i would say, lol. the victorian era was known for sexual repression: does it mean that people didn’t have sex? no, then i don’t see why we do not apply the same logic to lgbt people in the middle ages (oh wait i do know. it’s homo/transphobia)***by this i absolutely don’t mean to diminish historical homo/transphobia, i just mean ... to make a modern comparison, most homophobes are the “anyone can do what they want in their own bed as long as i don’t see it/think of the children/casually says a slur and thinks it’s funny” type of homophobes, not the “today i’m committing my fourth hate crime because all gays go to hell” type of homophobes... both bad, both make our lives hell not denying that, but you get my point4 and most important there’s also some p relevant records (though comparatively few) of people who, even back then, lived openly as lgbt and YES i am including the T. (i didn’t read shit tons of books about “””female crossdressers””” in history to endure people who deny that trans people existed even back then. in a book i read recently about a “crossdresser” called Giovanni/Caterina Vizzani there was the story of a trans man who managed to live his whole life as a monk and even get his gender recognized by authorities so if people could jot that down :^) when i say lgbt i mean lgbT)

but since history is full of these “exceptions” after a certain point it makes you wonder like... were they really that exceptional? or maybe medieval people were less... anal (lol) about these things than we think they were? more at 11 (i’m sorry if i’m not super coherent, it’s like half past midnight and i’m sick jdfhgjf)

[calzona-ga]

Former Army doc Owen Hunt (Kevin McKidd) his been riding a tide of woe on Grey’s Anatomy since his 2008 arrival, from severe PTSD and a military sister MIA to two ugly divorces and the unfulfilled desire for children.

But the outlook has improved for Grey Sloan Memorial’s aptly named head of trauma: His sibling (Abigail Spencer) is alive, and he and his second ex-wife, Amelia Shepherd (Caterina Scorsone), are fostering a baby. Now, major complications are on the way, as former flame Teddy Altman (Kim Raver) is back — and pregnant with Owen’s baby.

With the November 15 midseason finale (which he also directed), the Scottish star previews the latest twists for his character and where he’d love Hunt to end up.

Owen and Amelia are happy, but Teddy’s secret is already known by Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) and Maggie Pierce (Kelly McCreary). Where do we find Owen in tonight’s episode? Kevin McKidd: He is still in blissful ignorance. Teddy’s big ask not to tell Owen and Amelia has been hard for Meredith and Maggie. It’s interesting how it will all unravel.

Executive producer Krista Vernoff told TV Guide Magazine that Owen loves both these women, and "there are no villains here." How does Owen feel about Teddy’s return? He is happy she’s back, but he’s very committed to Amelia.

Is there room for yet another child in Owen’s life, especially one he shares with a past love? Poor guy, he wished to be a father for so many seasons. I’ll say be careful what you wish for.

This episode is the winter finale. What can we expect? There’s a big windstorm, and the hospital is incredibly busy. The craziness of that throws Teddy, Owen and Amelia together. Amelia and Teddy’s relationship is already charged, and things get intense among them all.

It sounds like a big emotional hour for Owen — and you’re directing too! They used to give me light episodes [when I directed], but I’ve done more than 20, and they know I have the bandwidth to do both well.

With all the speculation of how Grey’s might end, what do you see happening to Owen? Things have been so tumultuous. It would be nice to see him with a content, happy life. I just want him to not be tortured.

[solartranslations]

Pace 5/11: Youthful Days

The three are eating lunch as usual. But since when has this been “normal”…

~*Scene: Bar*~

Felicita: *sigh*

(*full) Pace: Pheeeew! I ate a lot today too!!

❤≪Pace≫ Seems excited

Food: It was delicious!

???: ???

Debito: No matter how you think about it, didn’t you eat too much!?

❤≪Debito≫ Seems as usual

Daily: I’m taking a siesta

Person: How does he not get fat!?

???: I can’t see very well here

Luca: Um…has your figure changed?

❤≪Luca≫ Seems as usual

Daily: There’s not enough space on the table

Person: Ojou-sama is fed up too

Debito: Geez, is your stomach a balloon or something?

Pace: Yeah, but lately, I feel like I have less of an appetite

❤≪Pace≫ Seems concerned

Food: It’s still delicious though!

???: ???

Pace: Anyway, please add another 10 servings of lasagna!

Debito: Hey, your words don’t match your actions

Luca: I don’t feel well all of a sudden…

Pace: Oh, Luca-chan, if you don’t want that can I!

Pace: *gulp*…so good!

Felicita: ?

Luca: Yes. Ojou-sama, what is it?

>Has Pace always been like this?

>How can you eat so much?

Luca: Yes… Pace really has always been like this

Debito: He’s always been like a kid

Pace: I wonder…. If I use my strength, I get hungry I guess?

Debito: You’ve always been like this

❤≪Luca≫ Seems as usual ❤≪Pace≫ Is hungry

Daily: I never really paid attention to it

Person: Ojou-sama’s health management is perfect!

Arcana: That…I guess~

Food: It’s delicious and I’m happy

❤≪Debito≫ Seems as usual ❤≪Debito≫ Seems as usual

Daily: When we’re done eating, I’ll take a siesta

???: I can’t see very well here

Person: There’s no use worrying about it?

???: I can’t see very well here

Pace: What are you saying! Back then, Debito was…

❤≪Pace≫ Seems as usual

Daily: I remember!

Arcana: It’s delicious so forget about it

Debito: Huh? What about me from back then?

❤≪Debito≫ Seems as irritated

Person: …What are you trying to say?

Daily: I’m taking a siesta

???: I can’t see very well here

Pace: You used to have eating competitions with me, right!?

Debito: What~? There’s nothing to compete about from the start with that

Luca: You always take things too seriously and make it a competition

❤≪Luca≫ Seems concerned

Person: It’s quite recent that he noticed he couldn’t compete

Daily: Ojou-sama’s health management is perfect!

Debito: Yeah, yeah, and a sensible someone didn’t even try to stop it did he?

Pace: Come on, you two! Don’t fight

Debito: It’s your fault!!

>I think they’re kind of loud

(No Amore)

>I’m jealous that they get along so well

(+20 Amore)

>Why do you all get along so well?

(+10 Amore Pace)

Luca: Ojou-sama is right. Pace, control yourself

Pace: It wasn’t just me, Debito was too, right Ojou?

Debito: Shut up, don’t drag me into it

Pace: Really!? Then be my friend too, Ojou!

Luca: Pace, don’t ask Ojou-sama so readily like that

Pace: Huh? But Ojou was the one who asked

Pace: Hm, I wonder why? Debito, do you know?

Debito: Hah, of course I’d argue with you. Even your head’s full of lasagna

Pace: Yeah, wait, Debito what does that mean!?

❤≪Pace≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Pace≫ Seems excited ❤≪Pace≫ Seems concerned

Link: It was the other two who were loud!

Daily: Maybe we got too rowdy

Arcana: ???

Link: I want to be closer with Ojou!

Daily: Ojou is part of the Family too!

Arcana: ???

Link: I want to get along with Ojou!

Daily: I forget when I’m full

Arcana: ???

Luca: Anyway…

❤≪Debito≫ Seems as usual ❤≪Pace≫ Seems as usual ❤≪Luca≫ Seems as usual

Daily: They seem as usual

Pain: We don’t need to talk about it again

???: I can’t see very well here

Daily: It’s fun being with everyone!

Arcana: I wish I could eat with them forever

???: I can’t see very well here

Daily: This is nostalgic

Person: I haven’t told Ojou-sama very much about us

???: I can’t see very well here

Luca: When the three of us are together, it’s just like back then

Debito: I haven’t changed at all

Pace: Yeah, like your rudeness…

Debito: I don’t want to hear that from you!

Pace: Oh, don’t be shy!

Pace: Come on, eat some of this pizza––

Debito: I can’t eat anymore

Luca: Speaking of pizza…

Luca: The three of us got into a fight over that once, right

Debito: Did we?

Pace: Oh, that unpleasant incident…

❤≪Pace≫ Is hungry

Pain: That!

Daily: So nostalgic!

Arcana: I want to be like this with everyone forever

Felicita: ?

Pace: I can’t forget that, it was soon after the three of us met

Pace: Mother was still alive and well then…

~*Flashback*~

Caterina: Pace, I made pizza!

Pace: Yay, it’s the cheese pizza that I like!

Debito: Stupid. There’s no such thing as a pizza with no cheese

Pace: If you’re going to complain, you don’t have to eat it, Debito

Caterina: Come on, Pace! Everyone get along and eat

Caterina: Here’s some for you two, Young Master Luca

Luca: Yes…

Pace: Debito, you’re still small so just one slice is okay, right?

Debito: Why! I can eat a lot too!

Pace: Luca, you don’t eat a lot either so one slice…, actually, half should be fine

Luca: No, I’d like more too…

Pace: And the rest is mine…

Debito: No way, give me more

Luca: This isn’t enough for me either

Pace: Ah, don’t pull the plate!

Debito: Giiive meee

Luca: Me too

Pace: Let go

Pace/Luca/Debito: Ah…!?

(*shatter)

Pace: Ah…

Debito: It’s your fault!

Luca: …

Caterina: Hey, what was that sound…!

Caterina: Pace!

Pace: I didn’t do it, I didn’t!

Caterina: Come over here!

Pace: Uwaaah…It wasn’t me

Pace: My pizzaaaa…

(*whack)

Caterina: Isn’t there something you should say first?

Pace: I’m hungry!

(*whack)

Caterina: No!

Pace: Debito did it!

(*whack)

Caterina: Not that!

Pace: I’m sorryyyy…

Caterina: Luca, Debito!

Debito: Hik…!

Luca: Yes…

Caterina: You two too!

Debito: I, I’m sorryyyy…

Luca: I’m sorry…

Caterina: Listen, you have to take care of your food, okay?

Caterina: Don’t I always say that?

Caterina: We’re already lucky to be able to eat every day like this

Caterina: Children who waste food won’t grow into good adults!

Pace: Yes~~…

Debito: Uwaaah…ah…

~*End Flashback*~

Debito: …

❤≪Debito≫ Seems shocked

Pain: Don’t make me remember!

Debito: And, wasn’t it really you’re fault!

Pace: Huh? Was it?

❤≪Pace≫ Is hungry ❤≪Luca≫ Seems as usual

Daily: So nostalgic

Arcana: I want to be like this with everyone forever

Daily: Isn’t that right?

Person: It was excellent as education on food

???: I can’t see very well here

Luca: …It was

Debito: And Caterina was scary…

❤≪Debito≫ Seems as usual

Daily: I don’t want to be subjected to anymore humiliation

???: I can’t see very well here

Pace: No she wasn’t

Luca: Well, she was strict

❤≪Luca≫ Seems as usual

Person: It’s nostalgic…

???: I can’t see very well here

Pace: She was a kind mother to me though

Debito: But, I get why you’re still such a glutton

Luca: Well, it’s probably not just from how your mother raised you

(*bam) Pace: But, having a full stomach really makes you feel alive, right?

Debito: You still eat too much

❤≪Debito≫ Seems as usual

Pain: I don’t really want to talk about the past

???: I can’t see very well here

Luca: Actually, it looks bad for your health…

Pace: But, it was fun back then

❤≪Pace≫ Seems concerned

Daily: So nostalgic

Arcana: I want to be like this with everyone forever

Pain: ???

Pace: Well, it’s fun now too

Debito: …Yeah, until that guy came back, it was like paradise

Debito: Let’s stop talking about when we lived in poverty

Pace: Ah, but, cleaning the church was hard

Debito: It’s because when we were children that place seemed too big

Luca: Speaking of which, I don’t think you two did it at all?

Debito: Obviously! Who’d do cleaning of all things

Pace: That’s why we got scolded by the pastor

Debito: What’re you saying! You were the same

Pace: No, I made sure to do what I was told

Luca: I guess…you did

Pace: Right, right?

Luca: But, I think it would have been better if you hadn’t…

Pace: Uh…why do you sound so unhappy

Luca: That time…

~*Flashback: Church Inside*~

Pastor: Now, you three work together and clean properly, okay

Pace: Okaay!

Debito: Okaay…

Luca: Understood

Pace: Then, I’ll polish this statue

Luca: Then, I’ll do the sweeping

Debito: It was run down from the start, so there’s no point in cleaning

Luca: No, you have to do it properly

Debito: We shouldn’t have to try too hard

Pace: Rub, rub…shine, shine…

Pace: Hm, hm, hmmm…

(*crack)

Pace: Ah…

Luca: What happened?

Pace: …The hand…broke off…

Luca: Huh!

Debito: What’re you doing!

Pace: Well, I was doing my best to polish it…

Luca: This is a problem…

Debito: What do we do, he’ll be mad if he finds out

Pace: Even if you say that…

Luca: Can we stick it back on somehow

Pace: If we do this…

(*crack)

Pace: Ah

Debito: Now what

Pace: The shoulder came off

Luca: …

Debito: …

Pace: What do we do…?

Debito: I don’t know! I’m leaving

Pace: Ah, Debito! Where are you…

Luca: Wait…

Pace: …

Luca: …

Pace: He ran

Luca: …He ran away

Pace: …Do we just say it was Debito’s fault?

Luca: No, that’s…

Pace: But, we can’t fix this?

Luca: Yes, but…

Pace: Tell the truth?

Luca: That’s also…

Pace: Then, should we run too?

Luca: Huh…

Pace: Okay! Bye!

Luca: Ah, wait! Pace!

Pastor: What’s all the yelling for?

Luca: Ah…Pastor

Pastor: Oh…what happened to the other two?

Luca: …

Pastor: *sigh*…really, they sure are trouble

Pastor: But, you’re actually…

Pastor: Please take care of those two from now on, okay

Luca: Yes…

~*End Flashback*~

Debito: …Hey, you sure ended that cleanly!

❤≪Debito≫ Seems irritated

Daily: I don’t want to talk about the past!

Pain: So don’t make me remember!

???: I can’t see very well here

Pace: Yeah, there’s more, right!?

❤≪Pace≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Luca≫ Seems as usual

Daily: So nostalgic

Arcana: Luca-chan, no fair!

Pain: ???

Daily: That’s what I remember

???: I can’t see very well here

Felicita: ?

Luca: Was there?

Debito: Afterwards, the pastor chased us around with a really scary face…

Pace: We got scolded really harshly

Felicita: !?

Luca: You did?

Debito: Don’t “you did?” us!

Pace: You didn’t get yelled at, so that means you told on us

Luca: That’s a bad way of putting it

Luca: I just honestly apologized for breaking it

Pace: But if you’d kept quiet, he wouldn’t have found out!

Debito: I didn’t have anything to do with it and I pulled in too…

Luca: Didn’t you run

Debito: But he broke it

Pace: It wasn’t on purpose

Debito: So it’s alright if it’s not on purpose!

Luca Okay, let’s quiet down a bit

>I want to hear more about the past

>You really do get along

Pace: Oh, but…all the stories from back then are pretty much the same as that

Pace: You’d rather hear about happy memories, right Ojou?

Pace: Honestly, after mother passed away, we didn’t have many good memories

Debito: …

Luca: …

Pace: I guess so…

Pace: We’re not related by blood, but we’re like brothers

Debito: Luca maybe, but Pace is a really bad big brother…

Debito: You can’t leave him alone

Pace: Huh? How am I bad…

Debito: Just as I said

Pace: So mean! Ojou, say something!

Luca: It’d be nice if we could stay together like this forever

Debito: …

❤≪Pace≫ Seems as usual ❤≪Debito≫ Seems as usual

Pain: I only want Ojou to know about the fun parts

Daily: So nostalgic…

Arcana: I can’t explain the past very well

Daily: Unwillingly though

Pain: I don’t really want to talk about the past

???: I can’t see very well here

❤≪Debito≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Pace≫ Seems as usual

Pain: I don’t really want to talk about the past

???: I can’t see very well here

Person: I wanted to get along with Alberto too

Daily: So nostalgic

Arcana: It looks like Ojou’s having fun listening

❤≪Luca≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Luca≫ Seems as usual

Pain: It’s difficult…

???: I can’t see very well here

Daily: It’s nostalgic…

???: I can’t see very well here

❤≪Debito≫ Seems as usual

Pain: I don’t really want to talk about the past

???: I can’t see very well here

Pace: …Well, that’s also in the past

❤≪Pace≫ Seems as usual

Link: I want to be like this with everyone forever

Daily: So nostalgic…

Arcana: ???

Pace: Now, Debito and I are Executives of the Family

Pace: A lot of things happened, but what’s important is that I’m a part of Arcana Famiglia

Pace: Above all, being with everyone is fun!

Debito: …

Pace: But, I guess we can’t really say that…

Luca: What…do you mean?

❤≪Debito≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Luca≫ Seems concerned

Person: What is he saying?

???: I can’t see very well here

Person: Pace…?

???: I can’t see very well here

Pace: Lately, I feel like I don’t have as much strength as before…

Pace: I also have less of an appetite

Debito: I heard that earlier! But there’s no way

Debito: You ate so much, there’s no way you lost your appetite

Luca: Pace, are you worried about something?

Pace: Ah…no, that’s not it

❤≪Pace≫ Seems to be hiding something

Pain: Oh no!

Link: I want to be like this with everyone forever

Arcana: My appetite huh…

Pace: I just, always want to be a part of the Family

Pace: Always…

Pace: And, living for everyone on the island is my greatest happiness

Pace: That’s all I wish for

Debito: What are you saying. I thought eating your fill of lasagna was your happiness

Pace: That’s true but

Pace: Ojou, you understand, right?

>I don’t really understand

(-30 Amore Pace)

>You mean how it’s fine as long as you can eat a lot?

(+10 Amore Pace)

>…Somehow I understand

(+20 Amore Pace)

Debito: Right?

Pace: Ah, sorry, I guess I said something weird

Luca: It’s just as usual, don’t worry about it, Ojou-sama

Pace: Huh, you’re saying that too, Ojou?

Pace: Well, you are right. Yeah

Debito: Then, it’s fine, right

Luca: It’s not just Ojou-sama, I think so too

Pace: Right, Ojou! You really do get it!

Pace: I’m happy that there’s someone here who understands…

Pace: You know how important it is to eat your fill! Right, Ojou?

Luca: Don’t make Ojou-sama agree with you

❤≪Debito≫ Seems as usual ❤≪Pace≫ Seems as usual ❤≪Pace≫ Ojou

Daily: Of course

???: I can’t see very well here

Link: She’s right!

Arcana: ???

Pleasure: I’m happy!!

Arcana: ???

❤≪Pace≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Luca≫ Seems as usual

Pain: Sorry!

Arcana: ???

Daily: Stop persuading her like that

???: I can’t see very well here

Pace: Ah, geez. Luca, you always talk too much!

❤≪Pace≫ Seems concerned ❤≪Luca≫ Seems as usual

Daily: Luca really is uptight

Place: I want to be like this with everyone forever

Arcana: …We probably can’t stay like this

Daily: Ojou-sama’s health management is always perfect!

???: I can’t see very well here

Pace: Ojou, you can’t always stay behind Luca forever, you know?

Pace: Luca, I thought you were going to “give Ojou-sama space”? You haven’t at all

Debito: Yeah. He’d seriously even follow Ojou-sama to her married life

❤≪Debito≫ Seems to be teasing

Daily: Always…huh?

???: I can’t see very well here

Luca: What are you saying? Of course I would! That’s my job

Pace: Wha! Seriously

Debito: …You can’t take a joke

Pace: Well, that’s something that’s never changed

Debito: Any signorina who dates a guy this uptight would seriously suffer

Luca: Your concern is unnecessary

Luca: Besides, Debito, you’re too irresponsible

Luca: Pace, you should be more serious too…

~*End of Scene*~

You have one Heart Voice. It can be heard within SPECIAL

(Continue to Common Route May 12)

(Back to Directory)

[thearrangment-phff]

XXIV. Terms

January 2017

Isabella and Harry were able to be in their room until the New Year's Eve Ball that the Prince of Ligne was hosting. Most of the day and a half was spent talking and Harry had opened up more about his mother to Isabella. Which she thought was a big milestone in their relationship because she knew it was hard for him to talk about his mother in the first place. The stories never got to her death. They were mostly about his childhood and even got to talking about the divorce and how they struggled even more with the press.

New Years was a blur for Isabella. She remembered Harry and being with her family but once it hit midnight everything was forgotten. She woke up around 3 in the afternoon the next day only to find her mother had packed her a bag and informed her she was going to London to meet the Queen.  

The thought of a hangover was gone and filled with shock. Isabella was going to meet the Queen of the United Kingdom, Harry's grandmother, with a hangover. She stormed to her brother Alexander for remedies to get rid of any sign of alcohol then to her mother and grandmother Yolande for a refresher on etiquette.

When they finally landed in London, Harry's personal secretary had informed them they would be meeting the Queen on the second of January. So, Isabella had an extra day to settle in and not be so overwhelmed. Though she wasn't let off the hook with meeting company.

Charles had come to her saying he arranged a family dinner where she would be introduced to Camilla, William, Kate, and their children. Harry watched as Isabella smiled at her father but her hands told another story as the curled and began to shake. She continued to smile and excused herself away to get ready.

Harry was left alone with his father and the look on his face meant he wanted to talk.

"Before you ask everything is fine now. I think her family has family accepted me and the past couple of days were good."

"That's good to hear, but that isn't what I was going to say," smiled Charles.

"Oh, what is it then?"

"After dinner, we will host the heads of several royal houses Isabella is related to. We will be discussing the terms of the marriage between you and Isabella," explained Charles.

"Terms? We have terms? Wouldn't that also give away that this marriage was supposed to be arranged?" Asked Harry.

"We won't be giving anything away, but Isabella's parents have asked that we sit down and discuss terms. They won't be able to come but have sent family remembers as representatives," continued Charles.

"Pa, seriously? What terms are there anyway?!"

"Whether Isabella will be able to marry you for one. Prince Carlos, Duke of Parma is head to the Royal House of Bourbon-Parma and his brother is Dutch ambassador to the Holy See so getting the Pope's permission for your marriage may be needed. Another is whether Isabella will forgo her Catholic religion, another thing the Pope has to agree with. Whether she will keep her title is another question. Her dowry, the jewels, and the land that will come with her as well will need to be discussed. Shall I say more?" asserted Charles.

"No. Will that really need to be discussed?"

"From the looks of it, Isabella's family is trying to keep you away from everything she owns. If she were to die before you, you would gain nothing. You would be lucky to have children with her should that happen or else this is all for nothing."

"I understand," mumbled Harry.

"I have to go get dressed. I suggest you do the same then drive with Isabella to Clarence House in an hour. We will be waiting."

"Okay," replied Harry.

"Oh and Harry. Do not tell your brother about any of this." Harry gave his father a nod and turned around to look at the empty room. Isabella came out 20 minutes later dressed for dinner then Harry left her alone to go change himself.  

As Harry pulled up to Clarence House he caught a glance at Isabella messing with her engagement ring not saying a word, "Are you nervous?"

"A little. Though I shouldn't be," muttered Isabella.

"It's okay to be nervous. I was nervous whenever I met your family."

"I know. I just tired and this was unexpected. I'm just confused right now," replied Isabella still not looking up.

"What are you confused about?" Asked Harry.

"Nothing. Can we please drop it?"

"Okay."

Though Isabella wasn't impressed with Clarence House as Harry thought. She was acting weird since they landed in London. Isabella simply kept on messing around with her engagement ring without rarely talking, which for her was unusual.  

Isabella didn't pay attention as she was led through Clarence House. Her mind on clicked when she was standing in front of Harry's brother and his family. When she shook William's hand his immediate attention went to the ring on her finger then turned to his wife. Her eyes went slightly large for a second before calming down and smiling at Isabella.

"It's so nice to meet you. William and I were so excited to hear you were coming to London," smiled Kate.

"Yes. It's lovely to meet you too. Your children are absolutely adorable."

"Excuse George, he can be a bit shy sometimes," inputted William.

"That's no problem. My nephew is very similar," added Isabella before she crouched down to the little boy's height. Isabella stuck out her hand, "Hello. I'm Isabella, but you can call me Belle."

"I'm George," replied the little boy in a hushed manner.

"Hello George, how old are you?" Asked Isabella as he picked up three fingers, "That's a very big number," smiled Isabella as she got back up. "And this little one must be Charlotte. Oh, she is beautiful. Her name is lovely too, my grandmother and great-grandmother bore that name."

"Thank you. The name Charlotte does suit her very well now," agreed Kate.

"Let us all sit down to eat!" Announced Charles as Camilla stood by his side.

Isabella was seated between William and Camilla with Harry across from her. Kate was on Harry's left and Charles at his right with Charlotte closest to Kate and George with William. Camilla immediately struck up a conversation with Isabella about her family but once they got to Isabella's job working for the United Nations that's when Isabella got passionate. She mentioned working in favor of women's rights and for the welfare of immigrants and refugees escaping their either war-torn countries or leaving because of natural disasters. Isabella found Camilla the easiest to get along with at the table, save Charles and Harry.

William was able to put in a couple of thoughts but tending to George took all of his attention. Even then, Isabella found him to be aggressive and ignorant when trying to talk about either women's right or refugees. Kate had kept quiet, not bothering to contribute to the conversation.

When everyone was done Camilla had finally asked the question Harry had been trying to avoid. He wanted to tell his brother that Isabella had a title of her own in a more private setting, but the question came up and Harry had looked to his father in surprise.

"Isabella, what does your family do?"

"Well my father is a banker and my mother works for the Grand Ducal Family of Luxembourg," answered Isabella.

"Oh, she is a secretary or something?" Asked Kate.

"No. She carries out engagements on behalf of my uncle Henri when he first became Grand Duke."

Harry cleared his throat, "Isabella's uncle is Henri, Grand Duke of Luxembourg. Will, you remember the older Grand Duke when we were younger. He and granny are good friends."

"I faintly remember him. I don’t think Harry mentioned you were related to royal houses," replied Will.

"Surely you have no title since your mother is the princess right?" Asked Kate.

"I do have a title of my own actually. My mother married my father, an Archduke of Austria so I bare the female form of that."

"Though the monarchy doesn't exist so that title isn't anything right," added Will.

"The monarchy doesn't exist, but Isabella also holds the title princess in the Belgian nobility," corrected Harry.

"So many titles," interrupted Kate with an awkward tone.

"Yes, well coming from hundreds of years of royal blood can give you a few connections," agreed Isabella.

"Really? Harry and my father really didn’t clarify."

"My grandmother Josephine Charlotte was a Princess of Belgium. My other grandmother Yolande was born a Princess of Ligne. My grandfather was the Grand Duke and the other was the son of an Emperor."

"So the weddings going to be huge," joked William.

"Isabella is one of six," informs Charles.

"Oh, that sounds interesting! How many brothers? How many sisters?" Asked Camilla.

"The eldest is my sister Marie Christine. Then there's Imre, Christoph, and Alexander. Finally, there's me and my younger sister, Gabriella," answered Isabella.

"Do any of your siblings have children?" Asked Kate.

"My sister has 2 sons, my brother Imre has 2 daughters and my other brother Christoph has one daughter and another baby on the way."

The rest of the night was painful. Isabella answered everyone's questions, but sometimes in not a nice manner. Though in Isabella's opinion, most of them seemed like they were attacking her family. From the number of kids they had to the literal titles of Archduke and Archduchess being meaningless. She didn't take kindly to the comments made about her family being nothing.

Though she had a great shame from being a Habsburg her ancestors included families like the Medici's and Sforzas who paved the way for the Italian renaissance to occur. Kings and Queen of Spain and France. She was the descendant of prominent men like Louis XIV of France, Henry IV of France, Charlemagne, Ferdinand II of Aragon, and Henry VII of England. There were also great women like Isabella of Castile, Empress Maria Theresa, Margaret Beaufort, Catherine de Medici, and Caterina Sforza. She wasn't nothing and neither was her family.

Harry had tried to explain things to Isabella, but once she was mad there was nothing that was going to change that. Harry himself had accidentally said some rude comments about Isabella's family so he had been in that position. William was as oblivious to Isabella's family as Harry was in the beginning. Kate was even more ignorant of Isabella's life.

Isabella grew up speaking four languages. She was educated close to home until she decided she wanted to leave to England for a boarding school. Then decided that she wanted to move to the United States for a university. Rather than stay at her job working for her father she left a stable environment to work for the United Nations. When all of that was going on she would fly to France, Belgium, Liechtenstein, and Luxembourg for weddings, birthday celebrations, and christenings. She rubbed elbows with other European royalty, both the disposed and the ruling.  

When Harry invited William to join he and their father to talk terms about his upcoming marriage to Isabella he had declined. Then Kate whispered some things in his ear and he changed his mind telling the table it would be a learning experience. Isabella was beyond annoyed by the time they were done eating. The only thing that cheered her up was the sight of Joachim and a mystery man who looked similar to the Belgium prince that Harry didn't know.  

With Charles, William, and Harry standing at the entrance entered a large group of men that Harry didn't know. Charles barely knew them. Just as in the beginning they shook the hands of Charles but could care less about William or Harry. William had no idea was going on and Harry's nerves had returned and stronger than ever.

[longmayshereign-rp]

      “Happiness is the one thing we Queens will never have”

Full name: Catherine de’ Medici Years of age: 42 Title / Rank: Queen Mother Nationality: Italian/French Face claim: Megan Follows { Negotiable } Availability: Taken

♔Biography

Catherine was born in Florence as Caterina Maria Romula di Lorenzo de’ Medici. Her family were originally bankers, and came to great wealth and power by bankrolling the monarchies of Europe. Her father was titled Duke of Urbino by his uncle and Pope Leo X.  Despite her father’s title, Catherine was of relatively low birth. However her mother, was the Countess of Boulogne and was from one of the most prominent and ancient French noble families. Due to this maternal heritage, Catherine benefited for her future marriage to Henry of Valois. Ever since she as little there had been talk about her marriage to the next King of France, and King Francis wanted her to be raised at the French court, but Pope Leo intended to marry her to his brother’s illegitimate son. After her parents death, Catherine was taken care of by her grandmother and when she passed she was looked after by her aunt and was raised alongside her cousins. When the Medici were overthrown in Florence, Catherine was taken hostage and placed in a series of convents. After years and years of long suffering, were people called for Catherine to be killed and exposed naked and chained to the city walls, or even suggested that she be handed over to the troops to be used for their sexual gratification, she was finally rescued. That experience taught Catherine to be a fighter, to never wait for a man’s rescue again and take matters inn her own hands, become harder and stronger. After her ordeal, she was taken to Rome to live with Pope Clement and was set to find a husband while recovering from the past experiences. Suitors lined up for her hand, and there were many and significant proposes, but when King Francis I of France proposed she married his second son, Henry II of Valois, Duke of Orleans, her care taker, Pope Clement, accepted the offer almost immediately, knowing that a marriage like this was the best for Catherine. She was married to Henry II of Valois at the age of fourteen. She did not see much of her husband for the first year of their marriage, but people of the court treated her well, impressed with her intelligence. After the death of Pope Clement, the next Pope of Rome refused to pay her dowry and that added more distance between her and her husband; Henry showed no interest in Catherine as a wife; instead, he openly took mistresses, and specifically Diane de Poitiers. When she eventually fell pregnant, Catherine devoted her life to her first child, Francis II. When she became a mother to more children, she found more happiness in that. She was a doting, caring mother, and did not fear to do anything and everything to ensure her children’s happiness and safety. It frustrated her greatly that Henry favored his bastard son, but the birth of their twins brought her and Henry closer. He would spend more time with her and their twin girls, until one day their wet nurse rushed to her in the middle of the night, crying because the babies were not breathing. Devastated, Catherine swore she would find out who did this to her baby girls.

Years passed and Henry and Catherine had grown apart. She would take lovers and even secretly gave birth to a baby girl, who, however, bore the same mark as her father and Catherine gave her to Nostradamu’s father in hopes of having it removed. When he failed, she was told that the baby girl had died. After that, Catherine accepted the young Queen of Scotland in her home and treated her like her own child, but when Mary Stuart was no longer safe in the French court, she was hidden away. Catherine would spend hours busying herself with politics, matters of the court, as well as her children’s education. She was often found conversing with the man she trusted more than anyone at court, Nostradamus. Years passed and when Mary returned to court, fully grown and ready to be wed to Francis, Catherine was hostile towards her due to a prophecy Nostradamus had given her. She did her best to postpone the wedding and everything worked in her favor. Her marriage was completely fallen apart now, as he husband had taken a new mistress, Kenna Fleming. Catherine laughed in Diane’s face when she was sent away from court, but little did she know that when months later Henry would fall sick, he would turn on her. She was openly defined and humiliated by the King. Eventually, he planned to have her killed, however, Nostradamus gave her a strong sleeping potion instead of a poison. Henry was already celebrating her death when she awoke and furious sought to punish Nostradamus. Recognizing the good he had one her, Catherine helped him escape, however Henry died only minutes after news of Catherine being alive reached him. She was very proud when she stood and witnessed Francis being crowned King of France. The happiness lasted only for a while, since the Black Death fell upon them, and Catherine felt it as a curse from Henry. Months passed and though exhausted and worn out, France was about to start getting on its feet again when a war with England broke out. Those were desperate times for France and afraid they will run out of resources, Catherine rushed to her sister-in-law, Marie de Valois, asking her to marry a rich Duke of the south in order to have his unlimited support at those hard times. When the war ended and the Duke helped the house of Valois stay strong with supplies, Catherine knew it was all her doing. Having accepted Mary as her son’s wife, Catherine urged Francis to marry Mary into a public, vast ceremony, and so it happened. Relaxed and feeling less needed, Catherine started seeking pleasure as well; she had always taken lovers, but she recently found that having two men that will bent to her every whim, pleases her greatly. Even if she had stepped back and let her son and daughter-in-law handle the matters of the court, she was ever so present, always knowing what was going on and doing her best to protect them and the Valois House, like she has always done. But after Mary’s miscarriage and the illness and eventual death of Francis, she started being more active once again. She mourned the loss of her son, but the was very limited since the hatred between the Catholics and Huguenots started brewing once again. Her main concern is to keep the House of Valois in power and guide her son in order for peace in France to be kept.

♔Virtues & Vices

protective, bold, resourceful

devious, deceitful, self-indulging

♔Relationships

Claude de Valois, Charles IX de Valois — Catherine is a very loving, doting mother. She has always put her children first and will always continue to do so. She cares about her children and is always there for them; sometimes even more than they would like her to be. After the loss of her oldest son, Catherine has become even more overprotective over her remaining children, and especially Charles who is now the King of France. Marie de Valois — She is ever so grateful to her sister-in-law for leaving the nunnery and her devotion to Christ and church in order to help her house and country in these hard and difficult times. The two women have a strong bond and are very close to one another, and thus Catherine knew she could go to her and Marie would understand the importance of that marriage. Mary Stuart — She may have mistreated Mary in the past, but now she feels better about her, in a sense. Of course, she is always cautious and watchful, but she trusts Mary with her son’s happiness as well as to be a good Queen for France and Scotland both. Isabelle de Beauveau, Madeleine Raison, Jeanne d'Argies — Catherine has personally taught those girl everything they know. She uses them to manipulate information out of important personalities and uses them to her and France’s advantage. Stephane Narcisse, Raymond Berengar — None of the men she is seeing is aware about the other and Catherine would like to keep things that way. She has fun with the both of them and sometimes uses them to, manipulating them into telling her things or doing things for her; with getting something in return, of course.

Gif Hunts: [x] Icons: [x]

[swiztothistay]

Open Letter to the Grey’s Anatomy fans, cast, and crew:

I’ve been a Grey’s Anatomy fan since 2005. I’ve had my Twitter account since 2009. I remember the ‘good old days,’ like in 2013 when Ellen Pompeo first joined Twitter and would tweet super random things and loved interacting with us. The Grey’s Anatomy fandom is (for the most part) an incredibly supportive community that I’ve generally enjoyed taking part in. I’ve met some of my best friends there. However, in recent years, particularly since 2015, I have noticed an increasingly negative side of that community.

As it stands right now, the Grey’s fandom on Twitter is an incredibly toxic environment and appears to consist of whiny, entitled teenagers who seem to think it’s acceptable to direct their complaints about characters and storylines to the cast, writers, and/or crew involved. Let me be very clear about this point:

It’s not acceptable. Period.

These are people who dedicate their lives to creating stories and characters for us as fans. They work 18+ hour days an awful lot of the time. Much of the cast has remained and continues to remain at Grey’s because of the fans. However, as of late, fans show absolutely no respect for these people and it continually astounds me how you treat them. You have all contributed to a fandom that has successfully alienated the cast and crew of a show you all claim to love. Caterina rarely tweets. Jessica doesn’t interact with any of you, and in fact unfollowed most of the fans she did follow. Justin avoided Twitter for months. Ellen can’t be asked 95% of the time, and I truly believe that this is a direct result of supposed “fans” either a) simply being incredibly rude [yet expecting respectful responses back?!?!], or b) complaining because storylines on the show aren’t going as you would like them to.

Recently, one fan (jokingly?) tweeted Krista Vernoff, who has only recently returned to Grey’s as an executive producer, that they would “burn down her house” if she didn’t do right by their 'ship.’ Threats like this are not a joke to these people – who have had to deal with incidents such as fans showing up on their doorsteps and calling their phones, for example. Fans like that have instilled fear into the hearts of this cast. You have no boundaries and zero respect for their privacy. The cast, though being celebrities, are everyday people like us. They are entitled to their privacy. You don’t get to demand access into their lives simply because you are a fan. Stop acting like it’s your God-given right.

To the many MerDer fans I know who have a tendency to slut-shame Meredith for being with other men since Derek: that’s simply not fair. It has been two years since his death for us as viewers, and longer in the Grey’s timeline. While I admit, as a diehard MerDer fan myself, it pains me to watch Mer move on, I think it’s important to realize that Meredith (and all widows) have every right to move on – on their timeline, and at their choosing. You wouldn’t slut shame a widow in your own life, would you?

To the many “fans” who once loved MerDer, once loved Patrick as much as they love Ellen, who now bash Patrick for leaving: you have NO reason to consistently bash a man who, despite your best attempts at denial, helped make Grey’s Anatomy what it was. For years, Ellen Pompeo and Patrick Dempsey were the face of the show. MerDer is a huge part of pop culture and even if a person didn’t watch the show, chances were they could identify MerDer, or at the very least Ellen and/or Patrick. Simply put, you don’t know what happened. No one, except the members of the cast who were on set at the time, know what happened. It’s likely we will never know. And, we are not entitled to that knowledge. Really, it’s none of our business. Shonda and the rest of the cast and crew are done talking about it. You need to be too.

To the fans who tweet negative things about a character simply to get a rise out of others: we all see how you do this and then play the victim when said character’s fans go on the defense. You just create more drama and add to the toxic nature of the fandom. It’s ugly. You try and then claim how “you don’t know me” and how “I’m a good person.” Well, do the rest of us a favor and show us that so-called good character through your ACTIONS. If your timeline is full of you calling other fans words I will not repeat here, it’s hard to assume you are a decent person. It’s really not that hard to keep your mouth shut if you don’t like someone or something. I’m guessing though, that most of your parents never taught you that principle of “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all.” However, the same goes for those who jump to the defense of their favorite characters - be respectful or don’t say anything.

To the MANY so-called fans who, for the past nine months, have consistently slandered Ellen Pompeo, who send her hateful comments every time she tweets about racism, who call her 'Ms. Reverse Racism’ (among other things), and then cry victim when Ellen responds in kind, congrats! You have created a culture where it’s seen as “cool” to hate the star of your favorite show, to tear her down, and to tear her fans down. It’s clear you also enjoy actively seeking out her fans who continue to support her and harassing them as well. You also have been caught tweeting hateful things to lay people who aren’t involved in the Grey’s fandom but have met her, and that is completely and utterly vile.

It is also quite evident to many of us that those who attack Ellen and call her a reverse racist do not fully understand the issue at hand. Ellen has three biracial children. Her husband is black. You cannot honestly think that, even as a white woman with privilege, it doesn’t strike fear into her heart that perhaps one day her husband might be caught in the wrong place at the wrong time with the wrong law enforcement officer(s)? That her children won’t experience racism and hatred on the playground or in class one day? A mother’s heart bleeds when her children are in pain. Ellen wants better for her children than what is happening in America today. She is 100% an ally and is on the right side, fighting against racism and discrimination every day – despite your extremely misguided opinions. She is also not wrong in that racism comes in many forms. It occurs at a systematic level, at a community level, at an individual level. The issue is FAR more complex than you all make it out to be – it is not, for lack of better words, a black and white issue. There are many issues at play here.

Yes, sometimes we have to educate those fighting on the front lines with us. Rather than attacking someone for using the wrong words, educate them. And by educate, that does not mean attacking them, calling them fat, calling them a white bitch, etc. As Krista herself said, you get more flies with honey than with vinegar. The way to educate your allies is with kindness, empathy, and respect. You also might have more success if you were respectful - rather than being disrespectful and expecting Ellen’s respect back. She is not a woman who respects those who disrespect her. Respect is earned. You are not automatically entitled to it. Don’t alienate your allies. Ellen has a huge platform and is using it to raise awareness of so many important social justice and environmental issues. And if you don’t like it, or if you take issue with which emoji colors she uses…there is a handy little unfollow button at the top right on her profile. There is also a block button, where you won’t be privy to anything she tweets. Make use of these.

In recent weeks, some of my own friends have left the fandom because they could no longer handle the toxic environment. For their own mental health and well-being, they had to leave. That’s sad. These people love the cast, they love the characters, but they no longer feel safe expressing that anymore. This feeling of not being safe has also come about as a direct result of “group chat” accounts, where multiple people have access to the same account. These people use these groups as a medium to publicly post their “jokes” - many of which are in fact harmful. Your group chat accounts aren’t cute. You can claim that the intent was a joke all you want, but that doesn’t negate the harm you do. You don’t get to say hateful things and then dictate how others respond, under the claim that “it’s a joke.” Be more conscious of your words, and how they have consequences, unintended as they may be. Truthfully, it is much easier to simply think about the things you say than to undo the harm, regardless of your intent.

Ellen, in her 2016 speech accepting the award for 'Best TV Drama’ at the People’s Choice Awards, said that “Our show is about understanding, and compassion, and tolerance, and kindness. And those are themes that we could all use more of.” Let’s make this fandom reflect that as well. Be kinder to the cast and crew and show them some respect. Be kinder to each other. Be more accepting. We all have different favourite characters and different reasons for having those favourites. We each bring different perspectives and experiences to the table. Let’s try to recognize that and create a culture of respect for each other. It’s perfectly fine to disagree on things. What’s not okay is to brutally attack each other, to treat each other with rudeness and hatred. At the end of the day, we all love the same TV show: Grey’s Anatomy.

Finally, on behalf of the 99% of the Grey’s fandom to whom 1% gives a bad name, I would like to extend my apologies to the Grey’s Anatomy cast, crew and writers for the behavior of this small group of fans who have overtaken our fandom and appear to represent us. There is a vast majority of fans who are incredible people that greatly respect and admire the work you all do. We are just outshadowed by the negative. It’s time for that to change.

Look what you made me do. Adriana (@swiftxgreys on Twitter)

[romanoartsless]

Hey so I gotta write this quick so here’s a three chapter update because why not!

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

Chapter 53

“I miss it.”

Victor got up off the chair and walked over to where Esther stood at the window. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders when he got to her. “Esther,” he said as he played with her chocolate braid, “Novak was never kind to you. It doesn’t deserve you.”

“I still miss it,” she almost whimpered as she pushed away from his touch. “It was my home for nineteen years, how could I not miss it?”

“But Esther, you have me now.”

“And I appreciate your help with Caterina, but I still miss it.” Tears welled up in her black eyes, her voice trembling as she spoke. “I miss my brother, I miss my sisters, I miss my friends, and I- I miss my fiance.”

“He never deserved you.”

“We were going to get married, we were going to start a family. Him, me, and Caterina. We could’ve had more kids. I wanted three; two girls and a boy. I want to go back. I want to just go back and finally be Mrs.-”

“Esther! Esther. You have me. Me and you. Aren’t we family enough?”

She hesitated, almost as if she was afraid to answer. The urge to use her compulsion to make his interrogation stop was strong inside her. She didn’t act on them, however. Victor was her friend, he’d know when he crossed the line. But he didn’t seem to get the memo. “I care about you Victor, but it’s not the same. Caterina deserves a family.”

“She has you.”

“But Victor, she deserves her father.”

“Esther.” He pulled her in closer to him. Esther froze, but eventually eased with the thought of Victor understanding her boundaries. His hand brushed through the strands of hair not in her braid. “Aren’t we enough?”

Next thing she knew, Victor pulled her into a kiss. She wanted to push him away, but his grip on her was so tight she could barely move. The first time he’d kissed her she didn’t enjoy it and this time was no different. There was one problem. Esther missed a lover’s touch. She’d been practically alone for almost a year, only having Caterina for two months out of it and Victor for one. She closed her eyes and imagined he was someone he wasn’t- her fiance.

She pretended he was taller and the hair her fingers were bunched in was black instead of red. It made it easier for her just to sink into the embrace. His hands moved under her skirt and brushed against her skin, drawing closer and closer to her brassiere. Her mind screamed at her to pull away, but her body seemingly craved touch so much she simply gave way when he pulled the shirt over her head.

As his lips trailed down her neck and collarbone, she only thought about the other people who’d done it. Even as they were half naked in her bed, she felt like a body without a mind. She only missed Novak more. The bed she slept in, the man she lied next to, all of it.

After she’d let Victor have his way with her, she sat lifelessly in the bed. She wanted to use his sleeping state to her advantage and grab Caterina to run back to Novak, but as she wrote the letter explaining the things she wanted to do, she felt guilt build on her shoulders. Maybe Victor was right. Maybe the three of them were enough.

She bent down on the floor next to her bed and pried open the floorboard she made sure wasn’t quite in tact. She took the box out of the hole and opened it. With the letter in hand, she took out the envelope full of letters she’d never send and added it to it. Once it was sealed again, she laid it down back in the box, putting the silver chain over it to keep it in place.

When she closed the box, she stared at the intricate designs on the top a little longer. She remember buying it like it was yesterday. Her fingers traced along the letters CD before she put it back into the floor and locked the floorboard back on top.

Before crawling back into bed, she went into the adjacent room to look down at the baby in the crib. She brushed the back of her hand along her cheek, water welling up in her dark eyes. “I’m sorry, Caterina,” she whispered. “I’ll tell you everything when you’re older, I promise.”

Chapter 54

Lucky was what they called Jonathan Warren. The death of Victor Delikov was sudden enough as it was, but Jonathan’s abandonment only twisted the knife in Samantha’s back. Jonathan knew Victor would never let him live it down if he left his sister. Compared to most however, Jonathan was a good husband. Him and Samantha had known each other since they were children. He’d supported her through her hardships over the years and made sure no one ever called her Sammuel ever again.

But his downfall was a baby left on their doorstep in the middle of summer. He’d never wanted kids and no amount of time with his son would change it. Gideon never felt neglected or abused by Jonathan, but he also never felt loved by him. He couldn’t help but feel like his parents would’ve just been happier without him.

He would never forget how his mother just sat at the table, piece of paper in hand, sipping on a glass of water. When she went off to her room, Gideon could hear her weaps through the walls. He used her absence to his advantage and ran into the kitchen to read the letter.

Samantha,

I’m sorry I had to do this, but I’m not happy. I don’t want to have you suffer through my unhappiness. I just don’t want to be a burden to you- or Gideon. You know I didn’t want to be a father, but just seeing how happy that boy made you, I knew I couldn’t take that from you. As you know, I have family in Bortain, so I’ve decided to go back to them. If you don’t already hate me, I have one request; don’t become Bartholomew.

Love,

Jonathan

In the years following, his mother never became bitter of her husband’s decision. Gideon sometimes wondered if she respected it on occasion. He’d never heard her cry since that first day.

“Is everything alright, sweetie?” she asked from across the table, her grey eyes looking back at him.

“I’m fine,” he replied, not even looking up from his sketchpad. “I just bumped into a few people on my way here, same as always.”

“Why don’t you check and see if there are any possible bruises forming? I could help you heal them a little faster.”

His eyes shot up towards her. The sight of her standing up to walk towards him flooded his veins with anxiety. “No! I mean no. You don’t need to do that, mom.”

Sorrow and disappointment shown in her face. “You’ve been insecure like this since you were thirteen, does it have anything to do with your father leaving?”

“No it doesn’t, I swear,” he said as he pulled down at the sleeves of his sweater.

“Well, alright then.”

She still walked towards where he sat, but only to look over his shoulder at the sketches he was working on. The Petrovs had commissioned him to design and tailor this Silvia Crocus’s dress and so he vowed to make the ugliest wedding dress his mind could conjure up. He even heard his mother cringe as she looked at his concept sketches. “Gideon honey,” she spoke with sarcastic worry in her voice, “please tell me you’re purposefully making it look this bad.”

“Do you expect any less from me?”

“What sort of creature have I raised?” she laughed.

He chuckled at her comment. “I could’ve made it worse, but I’d never hear the end of it from Sere.”

The smile on his mother’s face faded at the mention of the name. “About her…”

“Mom, she’s fine. She’s just a bit overprotective, that’s all.”

“She just- she reminds me of your uncle.”

“Uncle Victor was a wonderful man, there’s nothing to worry about.”

She rose her red eyebrows at the statement. “I grew up with him, Gideon.I know his baggage.”

“And I grew up with Sere, I know her baggage.”

As she walked out of the dining area, she let out a large sigh. Before turning the corner, she peaked her head around the corner. “If you want more inspiration, be sure to look at the Ranez’s wedding book.”

“Oh I will.”

Chapter 55

Caterina sat in front of the tree with the box in her lap. She did this every single year. Sitting in front of the tree her mother died on, she’d talk to her. It was therapeutic. Her birthday had always been the hardest day of the year for her to get through. It didn’t help that today just so happened to mark fifteen years since her mother’s demise.

“Hi mom,” she was already choking back tears as she spoke, “it’s me, Caterina. I mean duh, who else would it be? It’s my twenty-first birthday today, that’s fun I guess. I was what, two when you were twenty-one?

“I should probably catch you up on the past year. Well, I still haven’t opened this,” she traced her finger along the GVS engraved onto the lid of the box, “and I won’t. It’s not my place and I respect your privacy. The Crows are- Jackie and Blackwing are good, I don’t know about Silvertongue. She- she left. I still wish you could’ve met them. You would’ve gotten under Jackie’s skin, but who doesn’t.”

Caterina tilted her head back in a desperate attempt to keep the tears that were beginning to form in her eyes. “There is one thing that’s happened. The king’s having a competition for the throne. They’re supposed to find me and bring me in to make me like a slave or something. No one’s found me, yet. Well… There is Thomas. Unlike the Crows, I’m glad you’ll never meet him. I think you might scare him away with your lack of a filter I’ve been told about. He… he makes me happy.

“Is this how my father made you feel? I know you don’t want to talk about him because he’s dead and all, Victor told me you didn’t want to tell me about your past, but I still want to know about him. I mean he’s my father, but if you don’t want to talk about him can I ask you about your old friends? What about Natasha Petrov? I know her husband killed you- I only found out a month ago- but her son tells me you two were friends. Speaking of him, do you know anything about him when he was a baby? Blackwing would probably love to know.”

She couldn’t hold it in anymore. The dams in her eyes opened to a flood of tears and uncontrollable crying. Into her hands, she violently sobbed, “I miss you so fucking much. I want you back. I’m going to make to make Shaw Petrov pay for what he did to you.”

A hand was suddenly on her shoulder and she looked up to see Thomas. “Caterina,” he whispered in a sympathetic voice.

She pushed the box off her lap and stood up to wrap her arms around his neck. Her tears didn’t stop even as she was in his arms. The fabric on his jacket where her face sat even began to wet. After a few minutes, she was finally able to collect herself, pushing away from Thomas only to see a crushed purple flower in his hand. “Shit! Was this for me? Fuck. You brought me a flower and I crushed it.”

“Well,” he stepped away to reveal a trial of identical flowers, “there’s more.”

As she followed it, she began to realize what was going on. It was only cemented when she walked into the cabin and saw the six flowers she’d had since she was a child in a jar on the table. When she counted the purple flowers in her arms, there were only fourteen. “It’s my twenty-first birthday, Thomas.”

“You kind of crushed the last one.”

“Well, you did interrupt my mommy-daughter time.”

“And I apologize for that.”

“Don’t. It’s just a stupid thing I do on my birthday.”

“If it means something to you it isn’t stupid.”

She took the flowers out of her arms and strategically put them in the jar, one at a time. Once they were all in, Thomas handed her the last one and no matter how hard she tried to make it stand up, no matter what position she put it in, it always seemed to fall on its broken stem. “And what are we to do with this little guy,” she chuckled.

“It adds character.”

“If your definition of character is a sad, limp, little flower then yes, it adds lots of character.”

Thomas let out a faint laugh as he turned around to grab something off one of the chairs at the table. It was a bag. “Why did you get me something?”

“It’s your birthday.”

“Yes, but you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“But I did.”

She took the bag out of his hands slowly, her fingers lingering as they touched his. “You did…”

She pulled away the crinkled paper in the bag to reveal around a dozen violet hair ties tied together by a bow. “Thomas…”

“I know when you made that comment about purple hair ties you were probably joking, but I thought you still might enjoy them. I had them custom made because, you know, you’re the only person who has purple hair…”

Caterina took one of those ties, gave a heavy sigh, and pulled up her hair into a high bun. Her hand covered the back of her neck as she looked up at him and said, “Thank you.”

She was terrified when she turned around, not wanting him to ask about the scars on the back of her neck. Lucky enough for her, not a word about them came out of his mouth. “You’re welcome.”

He walked over to where she stood leaning on the counter next to her. Her hand slowly crept towards his until their fingers were tied together. His fingers traced over the tattoos on her hand, causing a faint smile to emerge on her face, her toes curling at the touch. With her free hand, she cupped Thomas’s face and pulled him down to close the space between them. His own free hand slid down her waist. The grip on each other’s hand released for Thomas to pick Caterina up.

Her hands were now both on his face, the tips of her fingers brushing his hair as he carried her off to her bedroom, closing the door behind them. “Lock it,” she whispered onto his lips.

Once the door was locked, the two of them fell back onto the bed and Caterina reached up to unbutton his jacket. Pulling away from their embrace, he looked down at her and asked, “Do you want to do this?”

And with the biggest smile she’d had in years, she looked back at him and enthusiastically said, “Yes!”

With his own grin, he brought himself back down to her level, his lips trailing down her neck and collarbone. Once he got to the collar of her dress, she could feel his hands pull up at the bottom of it until it was all the way over her head. Before he could get back to his trail, she glared up at him with a smirk as she said, “Don’t you think it’s a little unfair for you to be fully clothed as I lie here in my underwear?”

“My deepest apologies, Ms Scilia.”

He threw his jacket onto the floor himself, but Caterina made sure to help him unbutton and take off the shirt under it. When the two of them were both fairly undressed, Caterina reached up to her tied hair, took the hair tie, and flung it across the room. “It’s good to know you really treasure that gift I got you,” Thomas laughed.

“There’s more. Besides that, I’ll find it in like a year.”

The roll in his eyes was accompanied by a grin as he was pulled back down to kiss her again.

* * *

Caterina half panicked when she woke up to an empty bed until she began to hear Thomas’s voice from outside the door, along with Jackie and Blackwing’s. She grabbed her underwear and Thomas’s guard’s jacket off the floor and slipped them on. When she got to the door, she only opened it a crack, just enough to get a peek as she listened in on the three of them.

Jackie and Thomas sat at the opposite ends of the table, the Crow with a book in hand. Blackwing sat on top of the counter, kicking her legs as she picked at whatever food was on the plate she held. “Caterina’s door was locked last night,” Jackie said as she glared up from her book to the captain.

“Yes,” he replied as he picked up the glass of water in front of him.

“And you’re still here.”

“Yes,” he repeated, sipping the water now.

“So did you two have sex last night?” she bluntly asked.

She could hear Thomas almost choke on the water. There was also a warmth rising in Caterina’s own face. “No comment,” he coughed.

“The lack of an answer is an answer in itself,” Blackwing finally cut in, hopping off the counter and sitting down in the chair next to her sister.

“I was just about to say that, my dearest sister.”

The smile shared between the two of them would terrify even the toughest of men. “Smart minds think alike. Besides that, I heard them.”

In a desperate attempt to change the subject, Thomas looked down as he asked, “What are those scars on the back of her neck?”

Caterina’s heart rolled onto the floor, bouncing on the way there. Jackie and Blackwing’s faces simultaneously went blank. “The ones that say witch?” You could hear the hesitation before Blackwing said the last word.

“Those…”

“It was her sixteenth birthday,” Jackie began, “Cecelia Delikov showed up randomly and asked her if she wanted to go to the Delikov manor to celebrate- I mean, it was a milestone birthday. After deliberating for a few minutes, she went.”

Please stop, Caterina screamed in her mind, stop.

She didn’t.

“The three of us stayed here as usual, but when we woke up…” And there was one of the handful of times Caterina heard Jackie Crow almost cry. “Blood. So much blood. She was just sitting in a giant pool of blood. We thought she was dead.

“She didn’t say a word when we stitched her up. We made sure there weren’t any infections, but we couldn’t stop the scarring. When she came out of her room the next day, she had those tattoos on her face. We always assumed they were a control thing. Like if she couldn’t control her scars or her eyes or her hair, she wanted to control those tattoos.”

Before any more words could come out of any of their mouths, Caterina burst through the door and sat down at the table. Jackie shot her a look that told her she knew she had been eavesdropping. In an attempt to lighten the mood, like a teasing sibling, she simply said, “Caterina.”

“Jackie,” she replied in the same tone.

“How’d you sleep last night?

“Amazing.”

“Good to know.”

Only by Blackwing’s grin did Caterina realize she had subconsciously reached for Thomas’s hand and was currently holding it. A couple of months ago, she would’ve ripped it away, but right now she just wanted to hold it. Something came over Blackwing and she left the table, coming back with something in her hands. Caterina almost immediately pulled the box off the table after she set it down. “You left this outside, so I brought it in.”

She could feel Thomas peer over her shoulder at the initials on the box. “It was my mother’s.”

“Wasn’t your mother’s name Esther?”

“Yeah. It’s just…” She looked down at the initials and really thought about why those letters in particular were on it for the first time since she’d originally found it. GVS. “...I don’t know.”

Thomas shrugged as he got up off the chair to go and grab his clothes, but not before leaning down and planting a kiss on Caterina’s lips. She could hear Jackie groan, but before she could comment, her sister elbowed her. Caterina couldn’t help but smirk. She eventually followed him back to her room, leaving the Crows to have their sibling bickering in privacy. After she pushed the box under her bed she said, pointing to the jacket she still wore, “You probably want this back.”

He shook his head while he buttoned his white shirt. “Keep it.”

“Isn’t it part of your uniform, though?”

“Yeah, but I have more so keep it.”

“But-”

“Please just keep it.”

She gave a small smile as he softly kissed her forehead before walking to the door. Before he could turn the knob, she let out, “Wait.”

He turned around, his brown eyes tinted with a little concern. “What is it?”

“Thank you.”

“For… for having sex with you?”

“No! I mean yeah but… What I meant was thank you for remembering the little stuff I mentioned. No one’s ever done that for me- not even Victor.”

“You deserve to be remembered.”

Once he was gone, she was left alone to her own thoughts. Maybe she did deserve to be remembered. Maybe she wasn’t a dim candle that would barely even leave a trail of smoke when it was blown out, maybe she was a light that refused to go out no matter how hard anyone tried. Five words. You deserve to be remembered. She didn’t want to be in parentheses next to Shaw Petrov’s cause of death in history books, she wanted a chapter all to herself; Caterina Edith Scilia, last magic user of Novak.

[brielleinstitutehq]

Toni Rowland is a 31-year-old Therapist, and looks a lot like Caterina Scorsone

MAYBE THEY’RE HIDING

Toni Rowland didn’t grow up as easily as most children would hope to. Her house was full of drinking and abuse on most occasions, minus the times when her parents would try to get clean. The only person she really ever had was her older brother, and though he tried to steer her in the right direction, it became clear at an early age that following in her parents footsteps was going to be a given. Around the tenth grade was when it all started, finally sans braces and frizzy hair the teen was invited to her first party with the most popular boy at school. The free booze was a temptation she soon gave into due to her nerves getting the better of her. Drink after drink, after drink and she was soon what most people would call blacked out. It wasn’t until the next morning did she realize what had happened when she woke up in a strangers bed with no clothes on. Of course, she didn’t tell anyone about her sexual assault, her parents would’ve simply blamed her and her brother would’ve searched for they guy until he was dead. Instead she just vowed to never drink again, and threw herself into school graduating high-school a year earlier than her peers. College was the obvious route and as soon as she could she packed up and went to study in Oregon as far away from her parents as possible.

WE HOPE THEY ARE PLAYING A GAME

Seventeen passed and eighteen came with new struggles but she didn’t let that stop her, instead she continued to throw herself into school and work, telling herself that she was fine, that the assault was a one time thing that would no longer affect her. She told herself she was becoming a therapist to help the people who couldn’t help themselves, not because she herself had underlying issues to work through. Most of her time in college she found herself volunteering at Brielle whenever she had the free time, taking a fascination with the patients there, and no matter how much she tried to deny it, it was because they reminded her of herself. Staying sober all throughout college was difficult, especially when all of her peers were partying on the weekends and sure, it made her a social outcast but she graduated with top marks in most of her classes so that fact didn’t bother her much. From that point on, Toni worked as a therapy intern until she met the requirements and had all she needed to succeed.

BUT THIS IS IS REALLY HAPPENING

Though her parents ( who were for a short time sober)  and brother begged her to come home to work, she couldn’t quite get past her past and she refused, instantly applying to Brielle the first chance she got. Life picked up and things were looking brighter, she’d been with a great woman for a few years, they had a perfect little apartment and she really felt like nothing could hurt her anymore. Until one night she woke to her cellphone ringing and her girlfriend still not home, it turned out Anna had been involved in a hit and run and died instantly on impact. It turned out for Toni, Anna was the one grounding her because as soon as she received the news there was alcohol back in her system, and she spent her bereavement time and vacation days partying just to numb the pain. Now, with her break up she’s back at work, trying to pretend like she can still be calm, cool and collected when really, all she wants is to get lost in whatever way she can.

CONNECTIONS: None

Unfortunately, Toni is TAKEN!

[yogaadvise]

Surrender to change: a pregnant yoga teacher`s story

So, you have actually graduated from a 200h Yoga Instructor Training, taught yoga exercise classes for a couple of months or perhaps years, determined that mentor yoga exercise is what you desire to carry out in life and also, therefore, dumped your previous task ...

Now all your focus is on beginning (or developing) a job as a full-time yoga instructor when gradually or more all of a sudden in the back of your mind an idea comes ... 'I wish to have a child!'

Perfectly aware, as a yoga exercise instructor, that 'absolutely nothing is accomplished through will certainly', this thought keeps irritating you. You find yourself fascinated by other people's little kids, begin observing all these expectant stomaches around (' has actually there been an increase in maternities?!'), catch on your own mesmerised by happy mums or fathers with their kids as well as just typically ending up being much more broody, also if a couple of years ago children were never on your listing of Points to do.

EkhartYoga members: try some of our Pregnancy Yoga classes for all stages of your pregnancy.

Pregnancy and your yoga career

Being yoga exercise educators, we may such as to 'go with the flow' as well as recognize to trust our inner guide, yet usually having an infant is not something that individuals generally take lightly.

Having a child will most likely be the most transformative experience in your life, and whatever, things will certainly never coincide afterwards.

Having a child will most likely be the most transformative experience in your life, as well as whatever, points will certainly never ever be the same afterwards. This prevails knowledge, so it's an advantage that many people don't take it lightly. (By the method: I don't think we are ever 'ready enough' to have kids! If you wait for points to be 'perfect' you may be set for a goal impossible).

You might locate the moment comes when you really feel prepared to have an infant: the biological rhythm is ticking and also the wish is strong. Having actually just started your job as a yoga exercise educator you may worry that pregnancy will certainly affect the course you just began to walk, as well as potentially stop your future plans completely. You just got a location in your local workshop, people are being familiar with you, and the numbers in your classes are raising. Exactly how is pregnancy going to fit in with your profession as a yoga exercise teacher?

The first trimester: change

Everything adjustments, absolutely nothing is long-term, yet pregnancy will most definitely test you as a yogi. You may be the fittest yoga instructor in community, but the initial trimester may hit you as difficult as it hits your non-active close friend. Or harder. Nausea and extreme exhaustion is usual - how is your ego going to cope with this?

The thing is, no one yet finds out about your pregnancy as well as possibly you have decided not to spread out the news for the first weeks, however still, you need to teach 3 classes today and your energy levels are low. You wish to cut out caffeine but you think that is the only point that may save your day. Include to that all the psychological ups as well as downs prompted by the hormonal changes and also this can make you behave very unlike a yogi! You might begin wondering: Oh Lord Shiva, why did I enter into this!?!

A word of caution:

Levels of relaxin (a hormone produced by the ovary as well as the placenta) boost extremely swiftly in the body throughout the very first couple of weeks of pregnancy - also prior to you realise you're expecting. So it might take place that unexpectedly, in your personal method, you come a lot deeper into the poses. Suddenly you can do the divides, or exist with your upper body on the floor in Upavista Konasana (this happened to me!). Please, fellow yoginis, realize that this could offer you troubles later on in the maternity, such as Pubic Symphysis Disorder, which I am experiencing currently. Extending past your limits is never wise, please don't discover the tough method, as I did.

A positive note:

No matter how hard it is to make it to the class to teach, you'll typically feel much better afterwards ... until the next psychological rollercoaster comes along, that is!

The 2nd trimester: acceptance

In my experience, the second trimester usually goes much more smoothly. This is when I at some point began to approve the modifications in my body. Some positions began really feeling awkward. Cramping of the round tendon (which surrounds the womb in your hips) prevented me from doing deep twists, strong backbends as well as core work. Likewise, I was so made use of to 'activating my core' it appeared extremely abnormal not to do so. Like me, you might need to be all set to considerably reconsider your individual practice!

Now it's time to give up to a brand-new body and also as yoga exercise instructors this implies we require to:

stop doing points we understand as well as feel are not really right for us (yet our ego maintains pushing) and

stop showing in our vinyasa circulation classes.

You may lastly accept your body is not the exact same it was a few months ago, your stomach starts to grow as well as individuals will certainly start congratulating you, but ... the variety of individuals involving your classes might reduce. By the means, this doesn't simply use to males - some ladies likewise locate it unusual to see a pregnant yoga instructor. This applies particularly to people that don't understand you as a yoga educator, that are brand-new to yoga exercise or might have never ever had kids, but still, it can happen ...

A word of note: you know your attractive Lululemon tight leggings you liked to teach in? Fail to remember about them. Ignore most of your tight fitting yoga exercise clothes! Time to chill out your wardrobe and also your suggestion of resembling a yoga educator: brand-new body, new forms ...

Embrace new opportunities

Pregnancy is a wonderful opportunity to practice non-attachment. As yoga teachers we are in some cases as well connected to our bodies, and also being pregnant will check our egos greatly. A significant lesson. Additionally, this is the most effective time to take a pre and also post-natal yoga exercise instructor training course!

It may spend some time (months or perhaps years) before you have the ability to take an entire week or month off for an extensive training, so make the many of your time now, before you have your bundle of delight in your arms. If you currently show maternity yoga exercise, you can take pictures of on your own with an expecting tummy doing asanas and also particularly examination on your own body if what you instruct truly works.

The third trimester - surrender

The 3rd trimester comes around extremely quick.

You probably can't keep in mind how it felt like to do a handstand or a 'perfect' chaturanga, your arm muscular tissues are diminishing and your stomach muscles are a distant memory - but the most effective point is that you don't care!

You probably can't remember exactly how it seemed like to do a handstand or a 'perfect' chaturanga, your arm muscular tissues are reducing and your stomach muscles are a remote memory - yet the most effective thing is that you don't care! Perhaps your huge stomach has actually made you make a decision to stop training. Or you have actually quit demonstrating and also began leading your courses simply by voice - however know just how much extra harmonic you are with your students' requires. Your individual method could be very mild now, as well as you locate on your own more attracted to inner work: what a fantastic opportunity to dwell deeper into your reflection practice! Expectant ladies have really high instinct and to practice meditation while pregnant is actually worthwhile.

Letting go to move on...

In the last weeks or month of pregnancy you might discover a wonderful associate to replace you in your classes and also realise that mentor yoga exercise is not so important nevertheless for you today, it doesn't define you as a person as well as it's not the only thing that makes you happy. You might begin to detach on your own from the physical component of yoga as well as establish various other yogic top qualities that will improve you as an individual, ready to come back to training whenever your body-mind is prepared, with a new sense of love, concern, humility, thankfulness and kindness.

If we trust that nature understands best, we can find out to approve as well as surrender, being born as brand-new beings, diving deep in the unlimited cycles of life and also death.

I dream you all the finest in your options. Namaste.

Caterina Allegra x

[edenfindley-blog]

Year 1: Chapter 1

“Now remember, never grab your weapon by the blade. The hilt is there for a reason, understand?”

The little girl nodded, shifting her grey eyed gaze from the Coven of Eternity soldier to the dagger on the table, her long burgundy hair moving with the ocean breeze. The five year old reached out her pale hand and picked up the dagger by the hilt, holding it up steadily as not to cut herself. There were scratches on her arms and hands from the first few tries without warning.

The girl had been training with this guard in secret. This wasn’t exactly legal as people did not want to influence her decision on which coven to join once she was old enough. But without a Nester to take care of her and no powers developed, the guard felt that she needed to know how to protect herself. The Nester who gave birth to the girl died in the process. The girl made it out just fine, raising herself around her village at the edge of the Zumka forests.

“Have your powers shown up yet?” the guard, Stephen, asked, positioning her hands into a blocking position.

She silently shook her head, her little boots digging into the sand.

“You know, some day there is going to be a place where you will be taught combat. And not illegally. Tons of kids will learn how to defend themselves so they don’t have to be scared, even if they do have magick!”

She smiled, looking up from the jagged blade for just a split second. “You think so?” she wondered hopefully.

“More than that. I know it will happen. It’s too great of an idea to pass up!” He smiled at her through his black helmet as her eyes widened with excitement.

“I want to go there. I want to be just as good as you!” She exclaimed, swinging the weapon out and back in.

“Oh you will be. You’ll be even better than me. Now let’s perfect that swing before-”

Screams sounded from across the water. A blue flare flew up into the sky, coming from the Eternity Coven’s location.

“N-”

A man flew into Stephen, knocking him to the ground. A few more appeared, surrounding the two witches. The little girl’s hand shook as she clutched the dagger. A man approached her and she swung, cutting into his ankle, just enough for him to pause. Stephen conjured seaweed up and out of the water, grabbing a few men, and pulling them under. But many more came. It was difficult for the guard to protect the girl, let alone himself.

Stephen looked into the petrified girl’s eyes, and realised who he had to save. “Take the dagger and go, Kenna! Run as far and fast as you can go! Run, Kenna! Now!”

Kenna did as she was told, only looking back to see the men circle around Stephen, seeming to swallow him.

“Kenna!!!”

---

“Kenna! Kenna, wake up this instant!”

The fifteen-year-old gasped awake, drenched in sweat. She looked up from her quilt to see the caretaker, staring down at her with green, aged eyes.

“I’m sorry, Lady Caterina,” Kenna apologized,

The woman smacked the girl. “What is wrong with you?! You woke up the other girls with your insufferable sobbing!”

Kenna looked around the bedroom, the floor and walls beige and the windows had white cotton curtains. Each bed was rickety and old, either a swamp green or brown. Her roommates, girls thirteen-years or older, stood quietly in the doorway, dressed in their robes and ready for the day, with circles under their eyes.

“I apologize, Lady Caterina. I had a nightmare.”

“Oh, you had a nightmare?” she teased.

“Ghost Girl is scared? Poor baby!” said the other girls, joining the caretaker.

Lady Caterina slapped Kenna again. “Get downstairs! Wash the dishes and eat the scraps! You missed breakfast and I am not making you a new meal!”

“Yeah, Ghost Girl.”

“Have fun!”

“You deserve those scraps!”

The girls were merciless with their teasing. Most of them were even younger than Kenna but their words still hurt. You would think after ten years Kenna would be used to this. But with no one to comfort her, every word coming out of the girls’ mouths felt like another needle, sinking into her skin until it was buried deep into her mind. Tears glistened at the corners of her eyes. She quickly wiped them away upon entry of the kitchen just in case the scullery maid was present. Of course she was not, being that she drank herself to sleep after every meal behind the large building.

The kitchen was dark and damp, the only light seeping through the small windows from outside. The cobblestone walls and floor were cold, freezing even. The dark oak shelves were covered in several layers of dust, riddled with moldy breadcrumbs. The counters next to the oven were littered with food and dirty dishes. A cauldron sat in the middle of the small kitchen, filled to the brim with water ready to be boiled. In the back corner there was a bucket of dirty water and a rag on the floor next to it.

Kenna gathered up the dishes off the counter, took them over to the bucket one pile after another, and began washing. Each image from her dream replayed in her head as she scrubbed at the plates and cups, every moment still clear in her mind, haunting her. She remembered that guard very distinctly, even if she didn’t see him in the spirit world.

As a hedge witch, Kenna could travel over the hedge (the boundary between her world and the spirit world) to the spirits. She did this quite often which is how she got the name Ghost Girl from her peers.

Once every dish was scrubbed and dried, Kenna placed them back on the counter and the left the kitchen. She climbed back up the stairs and into her shared bedroom. Kenna grabbed the robes which were long and black with a silver trim. Once dressed, she turned to a dusty old mirror.

Kenna was very tall and skinny. Her hands were thin and covered in a layer of pale skin. She had large grey eyes, plump lips, and a small nose covered in freckles. Her once long burgundy hair was cut short as ordered by the orphanage, only reaching the base of her chin.

Kenna laced up her grey boots and trudged down the stairs.Children could be heard running through the halls, giggling and shouting. Two girls, about ten years old, had their ears pressed up against Lady Caterina’s office door, perhaps waiting for an adoption. The scullery maid was back in the kitchen, seeming to be a bit tipsy and she knocked over several pots and pans that were sitting on the counter. It was too loud and rambunctious. Kenna swiped her right arm across her chest and disappeared in a cloud of blue smoke.

---

Kenna walked across the wooden floor which was almost invisible in the spirit world’s darkness. The people from her world were still visible, silver lights swimming through the black, their features only identifiable through a spirit’s gaze. Among the silver were white lights; the spirits, each wrinkle and freckle visible. Many of them were children, dying of sickness that would have been treated if Lady Caterina didn't have to pay. Others ended it themselves thinking they would never get adopted or go to the school.

Other spirits were adults; past scullery maids, parents who tried to adopt a child but somehow insulted Lady Caterina, parents watching over their children. Kenna recognized some of them, the ones who came around often and the ones who died here. If someone were to die in a building, they would never be able to leave, doomed to haunt the building for the rest of its being. Only when the building was destroyed would they be set free.

One spirit, a very old witch with wrinkles covering her body, long curly hair, and a large dress, floated toward Kenna who glowed blue.

“Hello, Kenna!” the spirit greeted with her warm smile which always made Kenna feel safe.

“Hello Mrs. Warren. How have you been?” Oh how Kenna wished to hug her.

“Now, we both know that’s not what you’ve travelled over the Hedge for. I’m sorry Kenna, no has seen them.”

“None of the three?” Kenna said, her eyes agleam with hope. She was shaking, barely enough to notice.

“I’m sorry, Kenna.” And she was. Every time Mrs. Warren turned up empty handed, she was sorry for the girl.

“I…” she sighed, her words shaking as she spoke. “I know. I should probably leave now.”

Kenna struggled to hold back tears as she lifted her right arm.

“When will you be back?”

She looked over her shoulder at the old woman. “In a couple days. To give you more time.”

Mrs. Warren winced, feeling the sting of her words, but nodded and Kenna was gone

---

The other children of the orphanage were outside, Lady Caterina keeping watch. As soon as Kenna walked out the door, Lady Caterina had her wrist.

“Where have you been?!” She shouted, nostrils flaring.

The went deathly quiet as the witchlings stood and gawked at the two of them, only the birds, bugs, and toads still whispering among the dew ridden grass.

“I… I was-” “She was probably playing with her ghost friends,” a boy teased, causing a wave of laughter to flow over the children.

“Silence!” Lady Caterina shrieked. “Kenna! Go get the post and when you return, scrub the toiletries until they are spotless! Understand?!”

Kenna gave a small nod and attempted to pull away from the wretched woman’s grip which only grew tighter.

“Understand?!”

“Yes, Lady Caterina,” Kenna squeaked.

The woman thrust her away, muttering, “I should have hexed you as soon as you entered my building.”

Kenna ran down the path which travelled through the woods and to the road where a post basket sat. She quickly picked up the contents and scanned to see if anything was addressed to her. Nothing. It was the same thing every week. Kenna ran back down the path and through the doors of the large stone building, dropping the papers at Lady Caterina’s office door, and rushing down the hall to the washroom.

---

Lady Caterina was the only one awake in the orphanage, sitting alone in her office with a plate of lamb, writing to witches looking to adopt. She had just finished writing her second letter when she remembered the stack of parchments from the post.

The ancient woman put her giant purple quill down and slid the stack across her desk with a bony hand. Lady Caterina flicked through the papers in her dimly lit office, dishing food into her math with her right hand. She froze as she came across an unusual letter, her bright green eyes widening. Folded tightly between two papers was a letter addressed to Kenna. As Lady Caterina read the letter, a sinister grin spread across her wrinkled face.