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childrenofthenightt · 3 years ago

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That’s The Way (Chapter 3)

Pairing: Jimmy Page x Reader

Word count: 3.7k

Warning(s): smut/nsfw, cheating, cursing, angst, Y/N being a badass :)

Author’s notes: We’ll be honest...this chapter is a lot to handle 😂 which is amazing since it’s only Chapter 3 of many! We suggest taking a break throughout, because you’re gonna need it 😂 So much happens that your mind may actually explode from the drama. By the way, Jimmy is introduced in the next chapter so yay! As usual, please enjoy, happy reading, and send us messages if you have theories, comments, music recommendations for the playlist, or if you want to be added to the tag list :)

Chapters: 1 | 2

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Paul took Y/N out to dinner that week, and they had a wonderful time together. It seemed that every conversation they had together brought them closer and closer, and Y/N was in pure bliss. From that point forward, the two became inseparable.

Y/N’s parents, however, were not super pleased that Y/N was seeing Paul, especially because they had warned her about the romantically-unattached musician’s mannerisms and habits not that long ago. They just decided to act like they liked Paul, so he wouldn’t get suspicious or feel bad.

Two members of The Yardbirds in particular (and I’m sure, dear reader, that you know who they are by now) were hit with pangs of jealousy whenever they saw Y/N constantly attached to Paul’s arm. And, to make matters worse, it was under any circumstance imaginable: parties, interviews, photoshoots, meetings, airports, train stations, hotels...the list goes on. Yes, they did spend plenty of time apart, but attraction can make a man think irrationally. Even though they were specifically and strictly told to keep their mouths shut, it was very tempting to just say the truth and end their misery. A part of Chris and Jim felt happy to see her happy, but another, traitorous side of them felt exponentially bad for her. They knew that she was being used by Paul as arm-candy, and they knew that she, of all people, did not deserve that.

But that’s the name of the game, unfortunately.

~~~~~~~~

18 February 1966

The Yardbirds were scheduled to perform on an episode of Ready, Steady, Go! that night, and Y/N decided to go and be a part of the live audience. She felt an obligation to support Paul and the band, since they were all friends (and a boyfriend, of course) now.

Before the show, Jim, Jeff, and Keith were all sitting on the stage, discussing the logistics of the rehearsals that would start soon. Y/N stood in front of the already-prepared stage and chatted with them.

“So what are you guys going to do on our days off next week?” Jeff asked.

“Spend time with my family,” Keith replied, adjusting his sunglasses.

“Not sure yet, haven’t figured it out,” Jim added.

“How ‘bout you, Miss Y/N?” Jeff nodded towards her with a smile. She answered with a soft giggle.

“I’m probably going golfing with my brother and a couple mates.”

“You golf?” Jim asked. She seemed to be getting more and more perfect by the day.

“Mmhmm,” Y/N nodded enthusiastically, “I’m bloody awful at it, but it’s fun, and I can hang out with my brother, so it’s a win-win.”

“You never told us you had siblings,” Keith smirked, tilting to the side and crossing his arms.

“Oh yeah, I have three. There’s Tommy, my older brother; Charlie, my younger brother; and Lillian, my little sister,” Y/N said.

“Wow, full house,” Jeff remarked, “I have a sister, Annetta, who I think you’d get along with quite well. I’ll have to introduce you to her soon.”

“Oh, that’d be great! I’d love to meet another Beck,” Y/N replied playfully. Jeff just laughed and shook his head.

“It’s a shame that I can’t spend time with Paul this week. He said he was busy, but he didn’t explain why,” Y/N sighed, “whatever. It’s probably legitimate, so I don’t mind. We’ve been hanging out too much anyway.” She laughed at the last part.

“He’s probably just going home to his wife,” Jim replied, thoughtlessly.

At that instant, everyone’s eyes widened, eyebrows raised, and lips downturned into a shocked, panicked frown.

“He’s...what?” Y/N asked quietly, sounding like she was about to shatter into a thousand tiny pieces.

Y/N noticed that Keith and Jeff were glaring at Jim, who was clearly embarrassed at what he had revealed. He hid his eyes with his hand.

When Jeff finally found it in him to turn away from Jim, he deeply exhaled. He then reached out his hands to touch Y/N’s shoulders in an attempt to comfort her.

“Look, Y/N, you weren’t supposed to find out this way, and I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you sooner,” Jeff began, “but he is indeed married. I honestly don’t know why he wanted to pursue you, and I warned him against it because of how much we care about you, but he did it anyway.”

Tears streamed down Y/N’s face and her bottom lip started to quiver. “I can’t believe this,” she whispered, “he made it seem like I was the only one…that he was really in love with me...”

Jeff hated seeing his friend cry because of something he could have prevented. But, Y/N was somehow still beautiful when she cried.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Jeff consoled gently, getting off the stage to hug her, “here, let’s take you backstage to calm you down a little.”

Y/N refused Jeff’s kind offer with a shake of the head. Through her blurry, teary-eyed vision, she just plastered on a smile, and wiped the wetness from her eyes.

“Ew,” her voice cracked, “why am I crying? That’s so gross of me, I’m so sorry. I’m definitely making you guys uncomfortable.”

The three musicians’ eyes widened at Y/N’s sudden burst of emotional strength.

“Y/N, you just found out you were Sam’s side chick, and you don’t care?” Jeff inquired, genuinely confused as to what was going on with Y/N’s emotions.

“It’s okay to be sad, love. And utterly fuming with anger. I must admit, this situation wouldn’t be as dire if it were someone else, but it’s you,” Keith added. Jim just sat in silence. He didn’t know what to say. His message destroyed Y/N’s heart and her innocence.

“I am sad, but if this ‘thing’ went on any longer, I’d probably be even more devastated. You saved me from a lot more unnecessary heartbreak, so thank you, Jim,” Y/N said. Her tone sounded completely numb.

“How are you gonna tell Sam?” Keith asked Y/N.

She exhaled deeply. “I don’t know. It wouldn’t be fair of me to lash out on him before being on national television.”

“How can you care about fairness? Don’t you realize what this man has done to you?” Jeff asked, anger interlaced in his voice.

“Yes, Jeff. I do,” Y/N replied stoically, “And I’ll be fine, really. Let’s just forget about it, okay? I’m just lucky to be here, watching you perform. What song are you playing again?” Y/N tried to change the subject, but on the inside she was in deep agony and pain. She poured all of this time and emotion and her body into this cute musician boy, just to realize she didn’t matter.

“‘Shapes of Thi—’” Keith began quietly.

Jeff cut him off. “Y/N, I seriously refuse to believe you’re okay. Please, just let me help y—” he started.

“Jeff! I’m fine! Seriously,” Y/N raised her voice a little, annoyed at the nagging.

“But you seem—” Jim began, barely perceptible.

“Oh my God, Jim, I’m fine!” Y/N shouted. “I don’t care. It’s done, it’s over.”

The three men sat in silence after Y/N’s sudden outburst of anger, which was very out of character for her. She quickly realized what she had done.

“I’m so sorry for lashing out on you guys. That was uncalled for, it’s not your fault. I’m gonna go to the loo, excuse me,” she said quickly, walking out of the scene before anyone could call after her.

~~~~~~~~

Y/N stayed in the bathroom for all of rehearsals, and she finally reemerged right before the broadcast was about to start, looking as fresh as she did when she got there. It was as if the news was never even brought to her attention.

She refused to make eye contact with Paul through the entire performance, even though it was apparent that he tried to get her attention with his eyes. Chris was just confused that she wouldn’t even dare to glance at Paul. Just a little trouble in paradise that he didn’t know about maybe?

After the show and when the band went offstage, Jeff went back into the crowd to check on Y/N and brought her backstage.

“You have to confront him,” Jeff pleaded.

“I don’t want to,” Y/N whined.

“You have to, or else he’ll bloody win! You don’t want that, and I sure as hell don’t want that for you either! He is the one at fault. You have every right to fuck him up for it.”

Jeff’s little speech gave her an impulsive boost of confidence.

“Fine. I’ll do it. Get everyone out of the room, though,” Y/N stated firmly, beginning to march down the hallway behind Jeff.

Momentarily, Jeff went into the room and rounded up Keith, Jim, and Chris, and filed them down the hallway into another room orderly.

As Y/N was about to enter the room, Jeff whispered in her ear, “Good luck, kid. Knock ‘em dead.” Y/N smiled at Jeff before entering the room and closing the door behind her.

~~~~~~~~

Paul warmly smiled at Y/N as she entered the room.

“Hello, love,” he said gently, “how did you enjoy the show?”

Y/N painted on the most genuine smile she could force. “It was...almost perfect.”

Paul’s eyebrow quirked as he smiled in a confused way. “Why almost?”

“I don’t think rehearsals went as well as I had planned,” Y/N replied smoothly.

“Why? Did something bad happen to you? You’re speaking in riddles, dear.”

“Oh, I apologize,” Y/N snickered, “it’s actually so funny that you bring up riddles, because that seemed to be the exact problem at hand.”

“What does that mean? Did someone tell you something you couldn’t figure out?” Paul chuckled, “You’re confusing me.”

“I figured out that you would be going home to your wife next week.”

All the colour from Paul’s face was drained in a millisecond, and his originally jovial expression was gone. It was as if someone punched him in the gut.

“Who...who told you?” he asked, panicked.

Y/N was taken aback. “I find out I’m your side-chick and you have the audacity to ask who told me? Not an ‘I’m so sorry that I lied to you and broke your heart, Y/N’?”

Paul huffed. “And you expect me to just keep my composure when someone of your gravity walks into the room for the first time? I really am sorry, Y/N, I truly, truly am, but—”

Y/N’s calm and quiet demeanor had left the building at that point. She was mad. Really mad.

“But what? You tell me how in love you are with me, and how I’m your one and only forever, just to realize that I didn’t matter? I’m going to be eighteen years old in March. Eighteen. What do I know about love? Nothing, absolutely nothing. And you chose to take full advantage of my emotional vulnerability.”

“But you did matter. You’re so special to me, Y/N. Don’t you understand that?”

“Don’t you understand that you have a wife? You never loved me. I was never special to you. I was just another fling. But you won’t admit it to yourself.”

“The life of a travelling musician is extremely difficult, Y/N, and you don’t get that,” Paul said severely.

“And that shouldn’t be used as an excuse. You know what? We’re done. Whatever this ‘thing’ is, is over. I wish you the best,” Y/N concluded as she walked out the door and sternly shut it.

The nightmare was over and Y/N was a free agent.

Before she could debrief about her experience with any of the other Yardbirds, Y/N left the venue, caught the first taxi home, ran up into her room, and cried herself to sleep.

~~~~~~~~

22 April 1966

Y/N found recovery time and solace in those two months without Paul. She didn’t go to any Yardbirds gigs, but she sporadically met up with Jeff, Keith, Jim, and Chris at a pub or restaurant to catch up over a meal and drinks. Chris had recently mentioned to her that they were playing in London on the 22nd, and if she felt comfortable, she could attend for free and get backstage to hang out.

Y/N said she’d have to think about it, but she’d definitely consider it.

She had realized over the course of two months that she was not truly in love with Paul. Yes, she fancied him, but she must’ve mistaken the feeling of being genuinely in love with the person for being in love with the situation. Y/N concluded that this relationship was the equivalent of living out one’s childhood dreams of a romance with their schoolgirl crush.

She decided that she was retired from dating for a long time, especially because of how this shitshow ended, but a miniscule piece of her wondered when and how she’d meet her other half.

In the afternoon on the day of the show, which was to be played at the Wimbledon Palais, Y/N made the reckless decision to take a trip down to the Yardbirds’ hotel, but not for the reason you might expect.

Y/N never got the chance to thank Jim McCarty for coming clean about Paul’s infidelity to his wife by “dating” her, and to formally apologize for ripping him at the Ready, Steady, Go! rehearsals. She felt bad for being so dismissive of him, because he was always so nice to her and apparently seemed to care more about her wellbeing than Paul ever did.

Y/N stood on the platform of the train station anxiously, meticulously scheming in her mind about what she would say to Jim to truly and genuinely express her gratitude. She thought about how the encounter would go all the way to London, and all the way on her walk to the hotel.

When she arrived at the hotel, she greeted the concierge, and took the elevator to what she believed to be the Yardbirds’ floor. She took an educated guess as to which room Jim’s would be, just by what she had seen in past times. Y/N took a deep breath before knocking on the door.

When the door opened, she realized that in her best interest, her guess was correct.

“Hi,” she greeted breathily, her fingers interlaced together in front of her timidly.

“Hi,” Jim smiled. After a short moment of awkward silence, he continued, “Um, what are you doing here? Not that it’s a bad thing, which it’s not, but…” he trailed off.

“I just wanted to tell you something that I think needed to be said in-person,” Y/N said quickly.

Jim raised his eyebrows in surprised delight. “Oh, okay.” He moved out of the way of the doorframe so Y/N could enter the room, then shut the door gently behind her. “Welcome to my humble abode,” he chuckled, “make yourself at home.”

Y/N smiled and thanked him graciously, but shyly, as she sat down at a small couch at the edge of the bed. Jim was quick to follow her actions.

Y/N took a deep breath before beginning, “I just wanted to thank you for informing me about Paul in February. I know, it’s been a really long time since then… but I’ve needed some time to myself to think and refocus and recuperate, y’know?”

Jim just laughed. “You came all the way here to thank me? That’s so nice of you. You didn’t need to do that.”

Y/N grinned. “I don’t know, I felt this obligation for some reason. And in addition, I wanted to apologize for lashing out at you as well. I was just shell-shocked, I guess, and I unfairly took it out on you and Jeff.”

“If I forgave you then, I’ll still forgive you now,” Jim smiled, “don’t sweat it. In all honesty, I was surprised at how well you took the news.”

“I just wanted to be as calm and composed as possible,” Y/N blushed, “but obviously I didn’t get very far, did I?” Jim laughed at Y/N’s little jab at herself.

“Well, you’re so quiet, at least you showed a piece of your inner self that night,” Jim teased. Y/N just beamed at him.

“You know, since I owe you, now… I guess I just need to live a little, y’know? I have this introverted shell I need to break out of someday, and I might as well start now,” Y/N offered with a chuckle. “So, with that being said, let me do something for you. Anything you want.”

“Oh no, that’s too much. You didn’t even cause me any grief,” Jim retaliated playfully, “thank you, Y/N, but I think you’re overthinking this whole situation.”

“Please,” she continued with a pleading voice, “I feel awful, and plus, if it makes you feel better, you’ll be helping me clear my conscience. Jim, I’ll do anything you want, no matter how crazy… I’ll take you jet-skiing, I’ll ride on a bike in a bikini when the temperature is below freezing, I’ll clean your kitchen… anything you want me to do, I will do.”

Jim grinned at the bizarre options Y/N gave him before contemplating her invocation for a moment. Anything, huh?

“Kiss me.”

“You said you'd do anything, no matter how crazy, yes?” Y/N didn't get a chance to finish, as Jim interrupted her with a hand at her wrist, and a flinty look in his eyes, that gazed right into hers.

“I did.”

“Well,” Jim continued, stepping ever-closer to the young woman in front of him. She looked just as beautiful as she always had, if not more. Jim was convinced she was perfect, and wanted to protect her. To treat her right, the way she deserved. “You could get on your knees, in front of me.”

Kneeling down on the carpeted floor, Y/N looked up at him through her eyelashes, and the glint in her eyes made his knees weak. She looked almost shy, and he couldn't help but send a comforting smile her way.

“Have you done this before, Y/N?”

She shook her head at this, and looked down, almost embarrassed. Jim, heart pounding in his chest in anticipation, reached out a hand to lift her head. Her eyes held trust, and a hint of nervousness, but her lips quirk up in a smile, her cheeks flushing.

“I’ll walk you through it, love.” The sound of a belt clinking to the floor reached Y/N’s ears, zipper following suit, and she couldn’t help the way she almost thrummed with anticipation. Her parents had warned her against exactly this type of thing. Musicians were, according to her parents, a fickle breed, who only wanted her for her looks and body. It hurt to think of it now, when Jim was being nothing but a gentleman to her. She wanted to break out of her shell, and maybe this was the way to do it.

Y/N looks to Jim and sees him exposed, fully hard now, and her cheeks erupt into shades of rosy pink. He was big, much bigger than she would have expected, and she smiled up at him.

“Okay, love. Open your mouth.” Y/N opened her mouth, sinking it over his tip, which elicits a strained moan, full of pleasure. His hand landed in Y/N’s hair, fingers clenching gently around the tresses. The light tug Y/N felt only spurred her on.

“That’s incredible, princess. Now, try and circle your tongue. You’re doing so well.”

Y/N did as she’s told, and it’s like a spell was put over the man. He craned his head back, neck bared, as soft whimpers fell past his lips. Growing more confident, knowing now what he liked, she let her teeth rake over him lightly, which worked more moans from him, almost breathless in his euphoria.

With a murmured “fuck,” he comes, Y/N’s name the only thing on his lips. She slowly released him from her mouth, wiping her lips with the back of her hand as she stood. Jim, leaning up against the wall, was in bliss, heaving breaths and ruffling Y/N’s hair as she approached.

“That was… you're perfect, princess. Absolutely perfect.”

Y/N laughs, smile nearly splitting her cheeks, and she pressed even closer, pressing her lips to his in a soft, content embrace. She could taste the sweat on his lips, and she couldn't help but think that she could definitely get used to this feeling.

Jim revelled in the feel of her soft lips against his, and he was struck by the thought that this is exactly where he’s supposed to be. He’s where he wants to be, beside Y/N.

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Taglist: @blood-on-blood @reincarnated70sbaby

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life-observed · 3 years ago

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The Moral Peril of Meritocracy

Our individualistic culture inflames the ego and numbs the spirit. Failure teaches us who we are.

April 6, 2019

David Brooks

By David Brooks

Mr. Brooks is an Opinion columnist. This essay is adapted from his forthcoming book, “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.”

Many of the people I admire lead lives that have a two-mountain shape. They got out of school, began their career, started a family and identified the mountain they thought they were meant to climb — I’m going to be an entrepreneur, a doctor, a cop. They did the things society encourages us to do, like make a mark, become successful, buy a home, raise a family, pursue happiness.

People on the first mountain spend a lot of time on reputation management. They ask: What do people think of me? Where do I rank? They’re trying to win the victories the ego enjoys.

These hustling years are also powerfully shaped by our individualistic and meritocratic culture. People operate under this assumption: I can make myself happy. If I achieve excellence, lose more weight, follow this self-improvement technique, fulfillment will follow.

But in the lives of the people I’m talking about — the ones I really admire — something happened that interrupted the linear existence they had imagined for themselves. Something happened that exposed the problem with living according to individualistic, meritocratic values.

Continue reading the main story

Some of them achieved success and found it unsatisfying. They figured there must be more to life, some higher purpose. Others failed. They lost their job or endured some scandal. Suddenly they were falling, not climbing, and their whole identity was in peril. Yet another group of people got hit sideways by something that wasn’t part of the original plan. They had a cancer scare or suffered the loss of a child. These tragedies made the first-mountain victories seem, well, not so important.

Life had thrown them into the valley, as it throws most of us into the valley at one point or another. They were suffering and adrift.

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Some people are broken by this kind of pain and grief. They seem to get smaller and more afraid, and never recover. They get angry, resentful and tribal.

But other people are broken open. The theologian Paul Tillich wrote that suffering upends the normal patterns of life and reminds you that you are not who you thought you were. The basement of your soul is much deeper than you knew. Some people look into the hidden depths of themselves and they realize that success won’t fill those spaces. Only a spiritual life and unconditional love from family and friends will do. They realize how lucky they are. They are down in the valley, but their health is O.K.; they’re not financially destroyed; they’re about to be dragged on an adventure that will leave them transformed.

They realize that while our educational system generally prepares us for climbing this or that mountain, your life is actually defined by how you make use of your moment of greatest adversity.

So how does moral renewal happen? How do you move from a life based on bad values to a life based on better ones?

First, there has to be a period of solitude, in the wilderness, where self-reflection can occur.

“What happens when a ‘gifted child’ findshimself in a wilderness where he’s stripped away of any way of proving his worth?” Belden Lane asks in “Backpacking With the Saints.” What happens where there is no audience, nothing he can achieve? He crumbles. The ego dissolves. “Only then is he able to be loved.”

That’s the key point here. The self-centered voice of the ego has to be quieted before a person is capable of freely giving and receiving love.

Then there is contact with the heart and soul — through prayer, meditation, writing, whatever it is that puts you in contact with your deepest desires.

“In the deeps are the violence and terror of which psychology has warned us,” Annie Dillard writes in “Teaching a Stone to Talk.” “But if you ride these monsters deeper down, if you drop with them farther over the world’s rim, you find what our sciences cannot locate or name, the substrate, the ocean or matrix or ether which buoys the rest, which gives goodness its power for good, and evil its power for evil, the unified field: our complex and inexplicable caring for each other.”

In the wilderness the desire for esteem is stripped away and bigger desires are made visible: the desires of the heart (to live in loving connection with others) and the desires of the soul (the yearning to serve some transcendent ideal and to be sanctified by that service).

When people are broken open in this way, they are more sensitive to the pains and joys of the world. They realize: Oh, that first mountain wasn’t my mountain. I am ready for a larger journey.

Some people radically change their lives at this point. They quit corporate jobs and teach elementary school. They dedicate themselves to some social or political cause. I know a woman whose son committed suicide. She says that the scared, self-conscious woman she used to be died with him. She found her voice and helps families in crisis. I recently met a guy who used to be a banker. That failed to satisfy, and now he helps men coming out of prison. I once corresponded with a man from Australia who lost his wife, a tragedy that occasioned a period of reflection. He wrote, “I feel almost guilty about how significant my own growth has been as a result of my wife’s death.”

Perhaps most of the people who have emerged from a setback stay in their same jobs, with their same lives, but they are different. It’s not about self anymore; it’s about relation, it’s about the giving yourself away. Their joy is in seeing others shine.

In their book “Practical Wisdom,” Barry Schwartz and Kenneth Sharpe tell the story of a hospital janitor named Luke. In Luke’s hospital there was a young man who’d gotten into a fight and was now in a permanent coma. The young man’s father sat with him every day in silent vigil, and every day Luke cleaned the room. But one day the father was out for a smoke when Luke cleaned it.

Later that afternoon, the father found Luke and snapped at him for not cleaning the room. The first-mountain response is to see your job as cleaning rooms. Luke could have snapped back: I did clean the room. You were out smoking. The second-mountain response is to see your job as serving patients and their families. In that case you’d go back in the room and clean it again, so that the father could have the comfort of seeing you do it. And that’s what Luke did.

If the first mountain is about building up the ego and defining the self, the second is about shedding the ego and dissolving the self. If the first mountain is about acquisition, the second mountain is about contribution.

On the first mountain, personal freedom is celebrated — keeping your options open, absence of restraint. But the perfectly free life is the unattached and unremembered life. Freedom is not an ocean you want to swim in; it is a river you want to cross so that you can plant yourself on the other side.

So the person on the second mountain is making commitments. People who have made a commitment to a town, a person, an institution or a cause have cast their lot and burned the bridges behind them. They have made a promise without expecting a return. They are all in.

I can now usually recognize first- and second-mountain people. The former have an ultimate allegiance to self; the latter have an ultimate allegiance to some commitment. I can recognize first- and second-mountain organizations too. In some organizations, people are there to serve their individual self-interests — draw a salary. But other organizations demand that you surrender to a shared cause and so change your very identity. You become a Marine, a Morehouse Man.

I’ve been describing moral renewal in personal terms, but of course whole societies and cultures can swap bad values for better ones. I think we all realize that the hatred, fragmentation and disconnection in our society is not just a political problem. It stems from some moral and spiritual crisis.

We don’t treat one another well. And the truth is that 60 years of a hyper-individualistic first-mountain culture have weakened the bonds between people. They’ve dissolved the shared moral cultures that used to restrain capitalism and the meritocracy.

Over the past few decades the individual, the self, has been at the center. The second-mountain people are leading us toward a culture that puts relationships at the center. They ask us to measure our lives by the quality of our attachments, to see that life is a qualitative endeavor, not a quantitative one. They ask us to see others at their full depths, and not just as a stereotype, and to have the courage to lead with vulnerability. These second-mountain people are leading us into a new culture. Culture change happens when a small group of people find a better way to live and the rest of us copy them. These second-mountain people have found it.

Their moral revolution points us toward a different goal. On the first mountain we shoot for happiness, but on the second mountain we are rewarded with joy. What’s the difference? Happiness involves a victory for the self. It happens as we move toward our goals. You get a promotion. You have a delicious meal.

Joy involves the transcendence of self. When you’re on the second mountain, you realize we aim too low. We compete to get near a little sunlamp, but if we lived differently, we could feel the glow of real sunshine. On the second mountain you see that happiness is good, but joy is better.

#meritocracy #David brooks #spirit #individual #ego #community #love #success #failure #self #culture #happiness #joy

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roxannepolice · 6 years ago

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I dislike the whole sentence about legend because I have the impression that it's a way to say that Rey is going to be the legend of this era but... I have the impression that they are pushing the new characters (but especially her) as a legend but it's not something that can be created just by their will? Like Leia, Luke etc. didn't become iconic for everyone because Lucas had decided they would be? (Don't know if I'm clear)

Well, I can't say I'm all that enamoured with the legend angle either, for some rather abstract reasons. Like, I get that it's a callback to the prequels marketing but where that was a mostly in-world thing with a small crack in the fourth wall, with the sequels it's 99% fourth wall thing with only a bit of in-verse matters. The thing is, the clone war era was established in the OT as an illo tempore, a golden age - or at least the twilight of the golden age - where more elegant weapons like the lightsabers belonged and jedi were guarding the peace in the galaxy and generally before the dark times, before the empire. And because of that, the prequels, happening in the past, were already established as an in-verse legend and what's more, they brought in a deconstructive angle with jedi getting lost up their unattached asses or the republic choosing to become an empire in thunderous applause.

With the sequels... yup, I can't really look at it without a wtf face. So, this generation will have its own legend, great - but this generation is pushed down audience's throats as them, their generation and this goes against the very logic of legend. Like, sorry, most of the legends that become so contemporary to their lifespan are urban legends so unless Rey hides a body in a motel room matress, the anthropologist in me will stay appalled. Hell, this phenomenon is so strong that when someone who's become a legend in their lifetime dies people tend to be awkwardly surprised they were still alive.

Then again, who am I kidding, it's obvious I shouldn't expect dlf to apply anthropological analysis to the words they flung about. It's all about establishing legends as having a real pragmatic value because f*ck truth and legends are here to inspire us to fight against evil empires.

As a side note, I've just read an article on John Paul II's biographist and it occured to me that perhaps the reason why I'm so suspicious (not cynical!) towards the topic of legends is what has been going on around the late pope here, in his fatherland. Generally respecting JPII for his, perhaps inadequate but genuine, attempts at dialouge with other religions and cultures, I am left to facepalm at our local xenophobes massively erecting his statues of dubious artistic value.

Aaand now I'm imagining Mark Hamill's statue in the same school of I guess the intention was sincere.

#asks #tros #tros speculation #tw: negativity

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proverbs1728 · 5 years ago

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Epiphany. Jesus has been baptised and has spent forty days in the wilderness. He has, you might say, been in the crucible of the desert where he has experienced extreme spiritual refinement. Now Jesus is in the synagogue in his home town of Nazareth. He has been preaching around Galilee. News about him has spread. What news is this? We can only speculate but we know that there is a real buzz and his name is on peoples’ lips. He is handed the scroll. Jesus knows his way around the scriptures. The great scroll of Isiah found at Qumran was twenty four feet long. The text quoted is are right at the end of Isiah, I reckon about twenty feet in. Imagine the tension as he unfurls the scroll. He reads “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Everybody’s eyes are on him. He puts the scroll down and he says “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” There’s no ‘umming’ and ‘aahing’. No ‘unaccustomed as I am to public speaking’. Jesus says it straight out. “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.” He has come to proclaim good news to the poor, freedom for prisoners, to give sight to the blind and to set the oppressed free. What was it like in Galilee two thousand years ago? The name Galilee derives from the Hebrew word for circle. Galilee was so called because it was encircled by non-Jewish nations. Because of that, new influences had always played upon Galilee and it was the most forward-looking and least conservative part of Palestine. Josephus was an early historian who recorded Jewish history, writing in the first century AD. He described the Galileans as people who were ‘ever fond of innovations and by nature disposed to changes, delighting in seditions. They were never destitute of courage and ever ready to follow a leader who would begin an insurrection. They were quick in temper and given to quarrelling." Actually, they were people pretty much like ourselves! These were turbulent times. There had been rebellion in the region prior following the imposition of direct rule by Rome. Pilate had acted in ways that caused great affront to the Jewish people. Roman taxation added to the burden of the average citizen in economic terms. More than a quarter of the population, unattached widows, orphans, beggars, disabled, unskilled day labourers and prisoners lived at below subsistence level. Another two thirds lived on or around subsistence level. Those people who were destitute were despised rather than pitied. The book of Isaiah was well known and cherished in the synagogue. The text that Jesus used was evocative of an earlier time when the Jews were in exile. Isaiah predicts the fall of Babylon, the mighty empire that destroyed the temple and exiled the professionals, priests, craftsmen, and the wealthy. It is easy to imagine that the Romans were despised in the same way, indeed we know that insurrection culminated in the fall of Jerusalem and the destruction of the second temple in 70 ad. So, within this context, imagine the effect of Jesus’ words ‘This scripture is to be fulfilled’. At this point he is really speaking their language. He certainly has their attention Here is Jesus, at the very heart of the Jewish life and faith, in a big town in Galilee. He sums up the message of the gospel in just a few short sentences. He draws from the very core of the faith of his audience - they immediately know what he is talking about and they can relate to what he says because of the hurt they feel as a community. They are all too familiar with injustice and oppression. What about us? We live in an affluent society, in a thriving, diverse university town. Who are the oppressed in Loughborough in 2019? Who are the prisoners? Who are the blind? You will have your own thoughts. Here is one perspective. Perhaps, like me, you have noticed as you walk through town that there does seem to be a rise in the number of people who are begging on the streets. Agencies that work with the homeless and vulnerably housed tell us that the average age at death of homeless people was 44 years for men, 42 years for women between 2013 and 2017. In comparison, in the general population of England and Wales in 2017, the average at death was 76 years for men and 81 years for women. Deaths of homeless people have increased by 24% over five years (to 2017). Men account for 84% of deaths. Half the people who sleep rough in the UK need mental health support. Forty five per cent of homeless people had been diagnosed with a mental health issue, with 80 per cent reporting some form of mental health problem. Homeless people are dying on the streets. As many as half of them have mental health problems. Women experiencing domestic abuse are more likely to experience a mental health problem. Women with mental health problems are more likely to be domestically abused. People with severe mental illnesses are more likely to be victims, rather than perpetrators, of violent crime. Ninety per cent of people who die through suicide in the UK are experiencing mental distress. Children and adults living in households in the lowest 20% income bracket in Great Britain are two to three times more likely to develop mental health problems than those in the highest. In 2016, the number of people deprived of their liberty because of their mental health was 63,622. An increase of 40% in ten years. Yet Jesus said I have come to set the oppressed free. How does this make you feel? Mental ill health is not something that happens to other people. It is something that effects all of us. About one in four of us will experience a mental health problem each year. One in five will have suicidal thoughts. We live in a country where most things go well for most people most of the time, where truth and justice are upheld by the courts and by the government. Our rights are enshrined in law. We have a fantastic National Health Service. I know this is a time of political uncertainty but our lives are more privileged than people in other parts of the world can imagine. I want to suggest to you that people with mental health problems are a group of people who need our attention. That they are oppressed, often poor and sometimes deprived of their liberty. They need our compassion and support. There are about eighty of us here in church today. We may extrapolate, estimate and conclude, that twenty of us will experience a mental health problem in 2019. Thirteen of us will have suicidal thoughts. In the epistle today St Paul reminds us that we are members of the body of Christ. He says that, “if one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honoured, all rejoice together...’ How can we respond to the mental distress of others in our church and in our community and in our world? What can we do as individuals and as a church? How can we look after one another? Everything begins and ends with prayer. Prayer is the first step, but it is not the final step. We pray and we move into action. Here at All Saints there is a fledgling mental health action group which will be working to raise awareness of mental health issues and find out what can be done. We meet every other month or so and plan to hold an event in May to mark World Mental Health Awareness Week. You can me and talk to me about this any time. I am interested in mental health and always glad to hear your thoughts. There is a great deal of knowledge in this church today. We have all had our ups and downs, sleeplessness and worry and sadness and anxiety. We all have some experience of mental distress. The important thing is that we start to talk about it, that we don’t pretend that it isn’t there. Much of the stress experienced by people who have poor mental health and the people who look after them comes from the stigma attached. The notion that mental illness is brought on by sin or inadequacy or possession. That people with mental health problems are dangerous. There isn’t a single answer. St Paul says that we are all given gifts. Some to teach, some to help and some to heal. It may be that, through prayer, we can come to believe that we could use our gifts to support people with mental health problems. To listen and to take notice. To advocate and to campaign. To offer compassion. To set the oppressed free. Amen

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01934sonicperformance · 4 years ago

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Development blog

Sonic performance documentation

So this performance took a long process of pre thought to come into fruition, numerous experiments and many strands of inspiration from many performing artists. Namely - fourtet, floating points, binkbeats and Christian Loffier. Thankfully there is many online resources available and even direct explanations of there live sets by the artists themselves, so this really helped get a clear understanding of what they are doing.

What I hope to achieve with my own performance is a unique and one off creative play through of a set recontextualisations and and freshly realised versions of previous musical works of mine.

Kit list

Ableton live + Ableton push

Numerous plugins (notable plugins I’ve used - Crystalliser, Ableton FX rack for multiple macros at once)

Midi keyboard

What I learned from studying other artists work

So there’s a couple videos that really pushed me to figure out a way to perform effectively, one being Fourtets rundown

Fourtet red bull presentation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KIvnLBF7vU&t=108s

Key information

One computer running Ableton that has the main bodies of the tracks

The way he organises it is each channel is a different song, so the whole track is broken up and then looped.

He has pads to use that launch midi clips separate to these channels

He uses some ambient found sounds eg. Film reel, as a bed of sound. I could do this with foley

These free loops generally fit the track at anytime

Uses a dj mixer or fx and general mixing the 3 channels that he has generating sounds

Uses cool edit to create really fast loops

He holds off his most recognisable parts of the song and does unique versions of the song before bringing in main hooks etc.

Christian Loffier in the lab

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsTdB4s_zK8

Key information

Ableton launching clips, being routed and effected by a live mixer (this is a great basis for me to start)

Elektron rytm for drums

Strymon and soft synths playing off Nord keyboard

Really great foley percussion

Particularly like how fluid he keeps it, can see that a lot of what he does it live mixing

Sounds like crystalliser for some of the textures

REALLY well mixed

- I particularly like the aesthetic presentation, clean wooden minimal, will adopt this for mine perhaps

Developing and building the core / stems

So at the very start of this project, I decided to work from stems to create the clear direction and foundation. I’ve worked on some new materials and decontextualised different parts of my musical history in this project, So to do this I’ve discerned what parts are most suited to be transformed live and how I can best stem them and implement them. After choosing these building blocks, I kept them all pretty flat, there is no dynamic change added artificially, all the flourishes/drum processing I wanted to keep to being live which I talk about later, as one thing I felt from the beginning is that I really want to avoid just simply activating scenes with Ableton, as part of the problem I had to solve on how to keep this engaging for a third party. So this explains the core of my live set, stems bounced in to looped scenes, triggered throughout to create the arrangements, photographed below.

The method I’m exploring in this area of my performance is assigning the knobs of my Ableton push to pre made FX rack macros. The audio effect rack in Ableton is really great for this, as you can stack up numerous plugins and assign them to one knob, and repeat across all 8 knobs available, essentially every track would have some iteration of this. There was a lot to solve in terms of the most effective ways to assign and perform the effects as instruments.

So for example selected stems eg. The “fort blue” track, I got the main chords and drum/foley as stems and then added new elements that differ to the original. So on this level there is a readapting to create something new or eventful which differs from the usual track to support “liveness”. I created an FX rack to Marco that is essentially a with a low cut and a reverb wet dry signal mapped to one knob, so this is a clean way to bring certain melodic sounds in and blend and into textures on the fly, you hear this in the intro for example, as I leave the live looping stuff and enter into the first song.

So with building an alternate arrangement from the core stems bounced from the original project, I and created parameters of performance, aka planned areas to be improvised with, eg playing with pre made macro assignments to create variation and excitement and also aid in a fluid arrangement. The macros generally consisted from 2-5 assignments, with delays, reverbs, filtered and more twisted fx. A good example of this being implemented of this is from 9.15 -10.45 with all 8 fx rack knob s loaded, specifically made to twist these drums in a certain way (screenshot below), although unique variations of this are being used through out, like from 4.10 - 4.30 (and onwards) to introduce the drums.

Adding free floating audio/live recorded loop techniques

By “free floating” I mean unattached to the clock/brain of Ableton. So I’ve began doing this by adding synth flourishes played on my midi keyboard throughout, this adds a good performative element.

In the intro, I thought it fun to create loops based on the Ableton plug in Echo, to create infinity loops of a synthesiser. So the first minute is completely improvised and entirely generated on the spot. I manipulate it live with crystalliser (this effect is rife in the first half).

Aesthetics

I wanted to set “the stage” carefully following the kind of thing I found visually appealing, taking inspiration from lots of people, like christian Loffier and the way Ableton displays its performers.

I used a Panasonic Lumix g2 shooting in 4k. My cat sleeps on my desk, so she was invited to the concert. I wanted it to catch the general vibe of the room, and show what I was doing. Unfortunately on my favourite take it cut my hands, but this will be something i fix in the future. I decided to hide with a self portrait as I haven’t shown my own face on my work before, and I don’t intend to.

I had an audience of one, sparky. She helped convey the feeling of the room in her natural habitat which by my side as I work.

Reflection

I wish I ended up integrating more live audio objects, but in the end I just couldn’t fit it in with the time constraints. I would have liked to have had more time doing things like the intro with the Echo delay looping/effecting, but I’m glad I at-least go to add parts of it to the stem bases performance.

Overall I am happy with the result, although it had lots of challenges, I felt I got a good production standard with good musical content, I really focussed on getting a solid mix before starting, and felt I achieved that, which Paul mentioned is massively important. This has created a really beneficial springboard for me to launch deeper into live performance.

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becomewhatyouare · 6 years ago

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The Moral Peril of Meritocracy

Our individualistic culture inflames the ego and numbs the spirit. Failure teaches us who we are

By David Brooks

Mr. Brooks is an Opinion columnist. This essay is adapted from his forthcoming book, “The Second Mountain: The Quest for a Moral Life.”

April 6, 2019

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CreditAntoine Maillard

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CreditCreditAntoine Maillard