#or there should be i need to organise that lmao

[not-poignant]

Tradewinds Launch - A Fae Tales Novel - Jan 31st

FULL NOVEL RELEASE on JANUARY 31st - EXCLUSIVE to REAM & PATREON ONLY

In the dangerous, ethereal realm of the fae, alliances between the Seelie and Unseelie fae merchants are few. Some say impossible. Matan, a Seelie fae and peacock pheasant shifter with a talent for trade, must keep his Seelie alignment a secret as he embarks on a perilous journey to gather wealth and save a loved one from a terrible curse. He joins an Unseelie merchant caravan of fae who would surely eat him if they learned of his alignment. The enigmatic Udir, a paranoid Unseelie master of poisons and bearded vulture shifter, discovers Matan’s secret and threatens to blackmail him in exchange for vile favours. But Udir’s bravado and bluster hides a painful past and Matan isn’t as innocent or as naïve as he seems. Amid bustling markets, savvy clients, and travelling to new lands Matan has never seen before, Tradewinds is a story of love, found family, trust, betrayal, and the healing that can grow in the shadows of the vibrant, perilous southern fae lands.

Foxhall @ Ream (available on the Gary+Efnisien tiers or higher) Foxhall @ Patreon (available on the Gary+Efnisien tiers of higher)

[brbuttons]

Some BS2 sketchbook stuff from the other week. Because stylising characters is hard. ✨

[goldenpinof]

.

[phagodyke]

I mostly just scroll thru blog subs when im on mobile bc I follow too many ppl on here so I add mutuals etc there n then turn off notifs so it's like the creme de la creme of the dash anyway if u see me in ur notes more its bc I forgor to add some of u on there until recently sorry 😭😭

[goldieclaws]

Funniest shit rn is me going over some notes for a VN project I wrote out bc of a dream I had, and the names I have written down are so over-the-top that it's probably better to recycle them into a different setting bc this is supposed to be modern day.

[virahaus]

Thinking more obikin thoughts,,,,

(I should make this a series at this point aknsksns)

Anyway in a fix it universe where padme and Anakin are just besties, and Obi-Wan promised Anakin that after the war they could do whatever they want (comic compliant that's right),,, we arrive to completely-oblivious-of-his-feelings!Anakin & trying-to-woo-your-former-padawan!Obiwan combo 👀

Obi-Wan trying to give Anakin presents and bring him out on dates all over the galaxy, keeping his arm always around Anakin's waist and being affectionate,,,, all of this and Anakin, while drinking it up like a sponge, just doesn't get it. He thinks Obi-Wan is being affectionate because the war is over and after their last almost-death situation the council just doesn't care to reprimand about their obvious attachment anymore.

All of this is resolved, impossibly, by anonymous fanmail. The Jedi (even if they survived in this scenario) took a mighty blow on their public imagine with all the subtle propaganda Palpatine sprouted about them so they are trying to reply to the galaxy concerns and misconceptions about them. All jedi who are knights and masters are eligible for this fan mail stunt and the more famous they are the more of it they get.

Anakin gets a lot of fanmail where they gush about his and Obi-Wan romantic relationship and while at the start he's totally dumbfounded about it, the more they cite things he and Obi-Wan have been doing in these last few months (and years, let's be honest) the more he being (unknowingly) in a relationship with Obi-Wan makes sense. He gets his freak out with padme (who thought they were just being discreet and smacks some good sense into Anakin) and so for the next outing Obi-Wan organises for them, Anakin tries to up the game to see how Obi-Wan responds,,,, and Obi-Wan is Enthusiastic™ about it (poor man was going mad thinking he was doing something Wrong and now all of a sudden Anakin begins to initiate,, some more encouraging touches so he's Ecstatic).

Just think: them going on romantic dates for months, but with no kisses, Obi-Wan staying patient because he knows Anakin has never done this before but getting progressively more depressed thinking he may have interpreted this wrong, and then out of the blue Anakin kisses him after their date. Obi-Wan mind is blown. Man is going to worship is boy now that he has the all clear lmao

(even funnier is thinking about Obi-Wan pestering other jedi about it and getting smashed while crying that Anakin maybe changes his mind. Quinlan just drops him into his apartment and vows to never ask about Anakin again while Obi-Wan drinks: it only gets him Obi-Wan dirty old man rants or his infinite sadness rants. No in between).

Even more hilarious is the fanmail being explicit at some point (everyone says to Anakin that he must be enjoying Obi-Wan big dick energy so much) and Anakin first thought is be offended that ppl would think of him as the bottom - and then getting turned on by the thought of being fucked into incoherence by Obi-Wan. Classical Anakin behaviour Mr."I want to be in control" and then having a meltdown the second he gets the supposed control he wanted. Poor boy just needs to be fucked pliant and he'll be good.

Anyway, that's it. My 1 am obikin thoughts strike again.

[shellseaisms]

shellsea's empty & organised mods folder.

just a random upload, but I've been organising my stuff + setting the sims 3 up on a pc for my sister and I got the idea to upload an empty version of my mods folder that's already got a bunch of categorized subfolders in case I need it somewhere down the line. if it'll benefit me, there's probably someone else out there it'll benefit too, so here you go.

my wrist hurts so I can't type out every single folder I've got in here, but the 'general' folders are: build mode, buy mode, create a sim, mods, patterns & poses. there are 143 folders in total; I am pretty pedantic about the way I organise my cc and it's very much reflected here lmao. I've also included a version that includes the framework required for your game to recognise mods in the first place; you should only download this if you need a brand new mods folder/don't have one set up in your game already.

note that there are no mods/cc in these folders. please don't see this and mistake it for me sharing my mods folder with all my stuff; that still will not be happening!

just unzip and put the folders in your 'mods > packages' folder, or unzip and drop the 'mods' folder straight into your documents > the sims 3 folder if downloading the version with the framework.

download | download + framework

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day thirteen

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : smut (oral (m receiving), anal sex, dirty talk, I genuinely don't remember the rest lmao help), angst, fluff

length : 7k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens @sunsshinesunny

a/n : we're back, baby!!! hope you enjoy this one!!

•••

day thirteen

Noah called dibs on the shower first thing in the morning and neither Oli nor I minded very much as we cuddled deeper into the blanket for a little longer, wrapped up in each other, perfectly warm and comfortable. He had tucked my head under his chin, keeping me safe from the world and the cold outside of the bed, and lowly hummed a nonsensical melody that seemed to vibrate through my whole body in the nicest way. It would have suited me just fine to stay here with him forever, the noise of the shower in the background assuring me that there was another amazing man just a few feet away, waiting to join us again. Unfortunately, what did happen was that my brain caught up with the reminder that I needed to talk to Oli.

“You know I talked to Noah yesterday, right?” I mumbled against his chest, unable to resist leaving a little kiss on it. He hummed in reply, abandoning the melody he had been clinging to before. “He… he confided in me that he might want to try some things. With you.”

I’d barely registered that he had been stroking my back until he stopped. His hand remained there, large and warm, keeping me close, but just from the way the movement ceased I knew that he was deep in thought already. And I’d barely told him anything.

“Yeah? Like what?” His voice was low and scratchy after hours of not having talked at all and it made my whole body tingle. But I needed to concentrate. Choose my words wisely.

“I think he’d love if it you took charge a little. Dominate him. I think the actual words were along the lines of you doing with him whatever you pleased.”

Oli stiffened against me, his breath coming through a little heavier. This was the opposite of a rejection of the idea. I was sure I’d feel him grow in my hands if I let them wander a little lower.

“That what he said?” he asked, sounding even more husky now.

“Pretty sure he mentioned something about being on his knees for you too.”

“Fuck,” he exhaled, holding me a little tighter. “Yeah, I… I think I can do that.”

“I think it could really help him figure some things out. About how he feels about being with a man. With you. If that’s what you want too.”

“Aubrey, I can’t even begin to explain how much I want that. Fuck, I don’t think I brought the lube.”

I couldn’t stop myself from laughing out loud, purely amused at the way he was already thinking about the logistics of things. It was so much more organised than I was used to with him, but I figured the idea of getting Noah to himself was enough motivation.

“Well. You and Noah have some press stuff to do now but then you have a few hours off before you need to be back at the arena. I could… get some shopping done. If you can manage being a big boy and doing the interviews all by yourself.”

“You should know by now how much of a big boy I am,” Oli chuckled, grinding his crotch against me.

“Fucking hell,” I giggled, squirming out of his tight grip and turning onto my back, moving my head just enough to still see him out of the corner of my eye. “You’re the worst.”

“You love it.”

“I do,” I sighed, as if the truth pained me in any way whatsoever, but the smile on my face said it all. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

The sound of Noah turning off the water and fumbling around in the bathroom pulled us out of our little bubble. For now. There would hopefully be more than enough time later, for us, and for the bubble to become a little bigger.

•••

I was in the middle of Boots, studying the contents of the shelf in front of me, a shopping bag from a clothing store next to my feet, when my phone rang. As expected, it was Lia, who I’d texted to let her know that I’d be free for a while if she wanted to call on her lunch break. I didn’t give her a chance to even say hello when I picked up, much less waste our time with any small talk.

“Oli told me he loved me.”

What followed was a series of shouts and screams that pierced my poor eardrums to the point where I had to hold the phone away from my face, much to the amused stare of an elderly woman who passed me by and absolutely heard the commotion my best friend was causing.

“Okay, shoot, give me all the details, because I’m dying to know.”

“I can’t, I’m in the middle of Boots.”

“So? I don’t think anyone there will care. Unless- Oh my god he confessed during sex, didn’t he! That sly dog.”

“Maybe,” I admitted and found myself blushing. “But he meant it. He’s told me about a hundred times since.”

“Aubrey, my girl, I’m genuinely so happy for you. I knew that idiot would come around and realise he couldn’t let someone like you go. Honestly, it’s more of a jackpot situation for him than you.”

I giggled quietly as I continued perusing the shelf in front of me.

“Thank you. I’m… I’m really, embarrassingly in love with him.”

I almost drifted off just thinking about it.

“Well, I don’t want to dampen the mood on your news here but I gotta ask. Noah?”

“Yeah, Noah,” I sighed. “We haven’t exactly told him yet. I don’t want to put any pressure on him by letting him know that Oli and I have said it because I already know he feels like a third wheel for other reasons. But we also can’t keep this from him for much longer, obviously. We’ll meet with him again in a bit in the hotel to- um. Yeah. I’ll talk to Oli before the show, too. Maybe we can all sit down together afterward.”

“I’d say don’t stress yourself too much but that just feels like I would belittle you so I won’t. But that boy would be stupid as hell not to want to be with both of you. And I really hope he realises that in time, because all of you truly deserve each other. It’s time for you to be happy. Like, really deliriously happy.”

“Thank you, Lia. Honestly. I’ll call you with news as soon as I get them, promise.”

I was about ready to hang up, finish my shopping and head back to the hotel, when Lia piped up once again.

“Wait, why the fuck are you in Boots anyway? Is Oli making you run unnecessary errands as part of your questionable job description?”

“Not… really. We, uh, needed some stuff. Lube, actually. We really need lube. And I’m about to have a breakdown trying to decide which one to buy.”

Lia, to my utmost respect, wasn’t fazed at all.

“Now that entirely depends on what you need it for. Water-based: Great for toys but doesn’t last as long. Silicone-based: Don’t use with toys because there’s a chance it will dissolve them. Great for anal though because it’s long-lasting. Any other main ingredients, don’t even bother. Okay, my colleague is waving me in and she’s shot me the stranges look so she probably heard. Gotta go, text or call me when you can, love you!”

The silicone-based lube wandered straight into my basket. Along with another assortment of condoms. Just in case.

•••

I was the first one back at the hotel. I’d taken the liberty to decide that we’d meet again in Oli’s room, not only but also because he simply had the biggest and fanciest one out of the three of us. Fumbling with the nightstand, I was relieved to find a drawer to deposit my shopping in. No need to freak Noah out with the sight of lube that was absolutely meant for him.

Although, if anyone was currently freaking out, it seemed to be me. Ridiculous, really. I wasn’t the one about to go further in terms of first experiences with the same gender. Far from it. But maybe I knew that this could make or break it all. This could be Noah realising that, yes, he was into this and he wanted this forever. Or it could be Noah realising that he wasn’t actually into all of this at all. And without him and Oli being… a thing, of any sort whatsoever, I didn’t see this triad going anywhere. It would simply be cause for too much inequality, jealousy, confusion. It was a terrifying thought. Losing Noah. Even if I wasn’t quite sure I’d ever had him.

I needed to get my nerves under control. I was supposed to be here to support Noah when he faltered, not make it worse. I debated what kind of clothes to change into. I didn’t want to be too sexy - this wasn’t about me. But I also didn’t want to go too casual. Because this was anything but. In the end, I decided on a nice-but-not-overly-sensual set of underwear under a short dress. Easy access in case it was needed, but not expecting anything.

I was overthinking this, I realised. Especially when the door opened, both Oli and Noah all but falling into the room, their hands and mouths all over each other in such desperate frenzy that I couldn’t help but wonder how much teasing they’d engaged in on the way here. As soon as Oli spotted me sitting on his bed, he lightly pushed Noah away, showing me the most devilish smile.

“Thought I’d get him a little warmed up,” he grinned, so self-assured and smug with himself that I had to actively stop myself from rolling my eyes. I quickly crossed the distance between us, running my hands down Noah’s back with a hum.

“Plenty warm for sure.”

Noah easily pulled me in, kissing him with just as much passion as he had Oli and I was sure I could taste both of them on his tongue. I felt myself turning to putty in his hands, on the way to forgetting what the plan was completely, but Oli took it upon himself to grab onto my hair and yank my head back, not terribly harshly, but enough to coax a moan out of me.

Another thought I’d have to shelf for later.

“How involved do you two want me?” I asked, deciding that we’d at least need to be serious for a moment. “Because I’d love to get hands on but I can also literally sit in that armchair and watch.”

Oli turned back to Noah, giving him a nod and a look that told him it was up to him alone. Noah’s eyes flew back and forth between the two of us for a moment, before he finally seemed to settle on an answer.

“You can help Oli.”

“Help?”I grinned, my hand landing on his chest. “Help him make you his bitch? I can do that.”

I enjoyed the way he gulped, obviously nervous but getting a little more aroused at my words. If it hadn’t been so hot, it would have been ridiculous how willing Noah was to submit to Oli. I could only imagine how much it turned the other man on.

“We’re going to need a safeword,” Oli threw in. “Just in case.”

Noah nodded. I was relieved he didn’t seem to be anxious at the idea that we would do something that could potentially become too much for him. We’d be watching him closely all the way, but the risk of missing something was always there.

“I know,” I giggled. “How about “Blossom”? Your Powerpuff Girl?”

Noah groaned. “I hate it.”

“Yeah? Well, unfortunately your time to have an opinion on things has just ended, pretty boy. It’s “Blossom”. Help me undress him, Aubrey.”

And just like that, with his words and the way the tone of his voice changed, he had both of us in the palm of his hand. I moved onto Noah, my fingers on the hem of his shirt, when Oli stepped behind me, body pressed to mind, and whispered in my ear, “Tease him as much as you like. He needs to know he's ours and ours alone. But make him keep his hands to himself. Here's here to receive, not to give.”

I nodded, slowly moving the fabric up his torso, fingertips trailing along so softly he would barely he able to feel it at all.

“Hear that?” Oil addressed Noah. “No touching. You be a good boy and take what we give you. If you can't behave, we'll just have to take other precautions.”

“Like wha-” Noah didn't get to finish his question as Oli pressed a finger against his lips.

“You'll find out.”

When Oli went to work on Noah's trousers, he wasn't half as gentle as my fingers were as they pried the shirt from his chest, inch by inch, until I could lift it over his head and discard it fully. Instead, the sweatpants were roughly pulled down in one go, landing at his feet and leaving Noah to struggle getting out of them by himself.

My hands were reading over Noah's tattoos, my mouth following, never missing a chance to worship his body, to let him know how incredibly perfect he was for us, to have him sighing and heating up under my treatment. Oli had moved behind him, spoiling him in a similar fashion, until he pressed his body fully against him, his hardening erection touching Noah's arse with too many layers in between still.

As if completely on their own accord, Noah's hands flew back, reaching for Oli, for anything the other man would give him. Instantly, Oli stepped back, letting Noah's hands grasp for nothing at all. One look from him was enough to make me follow suit. Noah looked back and forth between us, almost shocked at the reaction. He should have known better. Should have known that Oli Sykes didn't make empty threats.

“What did I say?”

“No touching,” Noah grumbled.

“And what did you do?”

“Tried to touch.”

I was amazed at the scene unfolding before me. Noah, broad shoulders, a little taller than Oli, so often so sure of himself, so often so dominant when it came to me, was hanging his head at being scolded, still fighting against his instincts but desperate to be good for Oli. However unnatural the idea might have seemed at first, right now it seemed perfectly correct. Oli would not necessarily give him what he wanted, but he would get exactly what he needed.

“So, what do we do with you now?” Oli ran a teasing finger along Noah's shoulders, revelling in the control he had over him. “I think you need to sit out for a while. Take a seat on that armchair and think about how to be better when it's your turn. Because I really need my dick sucked so I can concentrate but it's not gonna be you.”

I could see that Noah was about to protest, but as soon as I caught his eye, I gave him a slow but clear shake of my head. For just another moment, the fire seemed to burn in him, then he left out a dramatic sigh and walked over to the chair. My eyes were still watching him when I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder slowly pushing me to my knees. I didn't resist.

Not when Oli stood in front of me and opened his trousers. Not when he pushed them down, revealing his tented underwear which quickly followed in being discarded. Not when his hand landed under my chin, making me look up, just inches from his hard cock.

“Be a good girl and take me deep, yeah? Make me come with that talented mouth of yours so we can get on with our boy.”

My enthusiastic nodding was disrupted by Oli pushing his body forward and pressing his tip against my lips. I parted them willingly, not bothering with teasing or foreplay as I wrapped a hand around his shaft and immediately swallowed him. I loved the weight on my tongue, the tight hold he had on the back of my neck, the taste of him running down my throat. Even if he hadn't asked, I would have been on a mission to take as much of him as I could.

Above me, I could make out Oli babbling praise and encouragement but my eyes were ringing with the effort of being more, being better. Once, twice, I gagged, but I wasn't deterred. Working in more and more of him, I relaxed my throat, my body, my hands now limp at my sides as I was unable to concentrate on anything else.

“Noah, I swear to god, if you touch yourself!”

I couldn't even care enough to try and take a peek. Oli's attention was back on me, words on how well I was taking him, how good he felt in my mouth, how much he wanted to shoot down my throat only encouraging me further.

“Fuck you're getting so good at this, soon you'll swallow me whole, baby.”

Not soon. Not soon.

Taking another deep breath and willing myself to become as relaxed as possible, I moved my head again, further and further and further and-

Oli exploded the second my nose bumped against his body. I greedily swallowed as much as I could, failing spectacularly as he started pulling away, leaving more in my mouth and on my lips.

“Fuck, Aubrey, where’d you learn that,” Oli chuckled but then immediately pushed my mouth close, his hand on my chin. “Don’t swallow it all. Let him have a taste, too.”

He didn’t have to tell me twice. With slightly wobbly legs, a mild headrush, and a wet sensation between my legs, I made my way to Noah, straddled his lap and held my head in his hands. I waited for him to give me confirmation that this was okay, but he nodded so eagerly I really wouldn’t have had to. Grabbing his chin, I pulled his mouth open as mine descended on it, kissing him deeply and giving him everything of Oli I had left. He lapped it up, desperate for a taste, desperate to please, his hands suddenly on my hips.

“Someone just can’t behave, can they?” Oli tutted behind me. Noah’s hands flew away as if stung, suddenly remembering he’d violated the one rule that’d been put to him.

I scrambled off his lap, unsure of how Oli would deal with the situation but knowing that it wouldn't involve me staying on top of Noah. Without any words, Oli motioned for Noah to get up, then left him standing in the middle of the room while he walked over to his suitcase, shedding the rest of his clothes as he went, and rummaged through it until he found the desired piece of fabric. A thin scarf.

I watched, in awe and increasingly aroused, how Noah, so against his nature, stood still, naked and hard, willingly letting Oli take the reigns. The display of trust made my heart skip a beat. Oli moved behind his body, taking his arms until they met at his back, then skilfully tied the scarf around Noah's wrists until he was immobilised.

“Not too tight?” he asked, all traces of dominance briefly leaving his voice as he checked up on the other man, who wriggled his fingers and then shook his head. Immediately, Oli fell back into his role. “On the bed then. On your knees.”

Noah obeyed, struggling to get into the requested position without the use of his arms, almost losing his balance in between, but making no move to complain. Oli watched, proud and satisfied and already growing again.

Noah looked like a vision. On his knees, more submissive than I'd ever seen him, his head hanging low even though he hadn't been asked for it, hair tickling his face. The muscles in his back and thighs were flexing again and again, his cock already leaking. He was getting turned on by this, finally getting what he wanted from Oli, and it was nothing short of beautiful.

In fact, the sight had distracted me so much, I didn't notice that Oli had grabbed something else until a  sleeping mask slipped over Noah's eyes. He briefly became restless at the sudden removal of one more of his senses, but as Oli whispered something in his ear, he nodded again, the tension leaving his body.

“Aubrey,” Oli called out and I sat up straight, as if I’d gotten hit by lightning. This wasn’t even about me, but the tone in his voice was hard to resist. I wondered what it would be like to have all of it directed at me. “Come here.”

Just like Noah, I didn’t hesitate. He motioned to the bed, but before I could move onto it, he grabbed my arm, this time actually whispering in my ear quietly enough that Noah wouldn’t hear.

“Let’s see how many times we can get him to the edge, shall we?” As cruel as it sounded, Oli’s voice was all the more soft for it. And the idea of edging Noah until he couldn’t think straight anymore sounded more than appealing. And oh, was it a treat.

Oli and I were everywhere, switching between hands and mouths and fingers and tongues, leaving Noah a sweaty, moaning mess, blind and bound, with no clue as to what was coming next or from whom. I let my hands wander, taking the time to trace every single one of his tattoos, feeling along every muscle in his back, then letting my mouth follow the same trails, putting it on his cock for just a second before pulling back. Oli followed suit, licking up and down the other man’s body until he was moaning and sighing and twitching against his restraints.

“You’re allowed to beg, pretty boy,” Oli murmured before capturing Noah’s lips in a kiss as I took him in my mouth, deeply, getting him as close as I could before the warning signs set in and then removed myself from his body completely. Again. And again.

“Please, come on, I just- fuck- I-”

Even through his pleading, he sounded constrained, holding onto whatever control or power he thought he could still cling to in his position. Oli was behind him now, making sure that Noah wouldn’t completely lose his balance as I sucked on him again, fingers moving around his body until they came to rest on his throat, choking him ever so slightly.

“You’re still not letting go, Noah,” he scolded.”You still think this is a fight you can win. Don’t you wanna be a good boy for me? Don’t you want to please me? Do what I’m telling you? I know you want me to go further. You don’t just want my cock in your mouth, do you? You want it somewhere else. You might just get it, love. But you have to let go for me.”

I could basically see the switch flip in Noah’s mind. As if he knew he was going to be safe. That he could trust both of us to only do what was best for him. That he could tap out any time. But that if he really wanted and needed this as much as he had let on before, he needed to allow himself to submit to it.

Without any further prompting from either of us, Noah bent forward, still kneeling, until his forehead hit the mattress, beautifully submissive, giving up control and putting it in our hands.

“Please,” he whispered again, more desperate now, more whiny, more willing not to hold back.

Oli looked so smug at having succeeded it was almost annoying. I motioned toward the nightstand, hoping he’d understand I’d stashed the lube there, and then went back to my ministrations of the gorgeous man in front of me. Peppering kisses on his back as it was now so nicely presented to me, I struggled to move my hand underneath his body again, finding his dick harder than before, precum immediately spilling onto me. He shuffled, just enough to make more space, but stayed in position.

When Oli returned, kneeling on the bed behind Noah, his fingers were lubed up, the bottle dropping onto the mattress next to him.

“So gorgeous, love, so pretty and spread out,” Oli praised as he carefully started circling Noah’s hole. I removed my hand, not wanting to overwhelm Noah with the multitude of sensations he was being presented to. Instead, I laid down on my side next him, wordlessly communicating with Oli as I pointed toward the sleep mask. He nodded, allowing me to slip it away from Noah’s head.

“You good?” I asked, quietly, petting his hair, letting the soft strands run between my fingers. He turned his head toward me, cheeks reddened and eyes glossy, utterly stunning, and whispered a yes back. I pressed my lips against his, swallowing his sighs and moans, the way his breath hitched as Oli prepared him. I couldn’t get over how gorgeous he was right in this moment.

Even when Noah broke the kiss, breathing heavily, eyes shutting in an emotion that seemed to be somewhere between pleasure and overwhelming sensations, I stayed by his side. I didn’t watch what Oli was doing or how, I simply couldn’t tear my eyes from Noah. His reactions, his high-pitched noises in between and then a long, drawn-out moan that echoed through the room, told me enough.

Noah was a mess, moaning and mumbling to himself, barely holding his body up anymore on his knees, face fully smushed into the pillow, when Oli let go of him. He quickly fumbled with the scarf around Noah’s wrists, undoing his work and throwing the item on the floor. He rolled Noah, who didn’t resist at all, on his back, then grabbed his arms and placed delicate kisses on the skin where he had been tied.

“So gorgeous,” Oli praised as his kisses moved upwards until his mouth was on Noah’s again. “So pretty and ready for me, love.”

They kissed for a while, Oli keeping as much distance as he could between them as Noah was now so hard and leaking precum that I feared he’d come from the slightest touch.

“Do you think you can take me?” Oli asked and was met with such enthusiastic nodding that both of us had to bite back a chuckle. “How do you want it? It might be easiest if you tried to ride-”

“No,” Noah found his voice, husky and rough. “Like this. Please.”

“Anything for you,” Oli whispered against his lips.

My heart was bursting at the seams with love. I could have spent the rest of my life watching these two together, these men that had captivated me and made me fall so hard, looking so utterly beautiful together, like they had always been meant to be. I couldn’t put in words how much I wanted to three of us to be that. Meant to be. Forever.

Oli went to kneel between Noah’s legs, grabbing more lube that he generously lathered his own cock with, gasping slightly at the feeling, before pushing Noah’s knees back to make room. Noah’s hand reached for mine and as I held onto it, I almost allowed a confession of love to pass my lips. It didn’t matter what we were doing, what constellation was currently involved with what, who was on the sidelines - we were in it together, the three of us, always.

Oli pushed in, slowly, eyes always on Noah, pure concern masking the pleasure. Noah’s face was slightly screwed up, but he was breathing deeply, and within moments he was begging Oli for more.

“Fuck, you feel so fucking good,” Oli moaned as he slowly bottomed out. “Can’t believe no one’s done this to you before, you’re fucking made for this, so perfect.”

Noah’s low groans were increasing in volume as he squeezed my hand tightly, the other fisting the bedsheets. Oli was still moving with utmost care, changing his angles until-

Noah whailed and Oli might have just been the happiest person on the planet. With a slight increase in his tempo, he started hitting the spot, again and again, until I was worried Noah was going to start crying from the intensity.

“‘m not gonna last,” Oli mumbled, thrusting into Noah and tethering on the edge of losing control. “Touch him, Aubrey.”

Noah didn’t need much more. As soon as I wrapped my fingers around him, a single stroke pushed him over the edge. With a noise I’d never heard him make before, he arched into me, moved harder against Oli, and spilled all over my hand and his stomach. The resulting tension made Oli fall apart as well, moaning shamelessly as he pushed into Noah a few more times, until he was fully spent.

Both of them seemed overwhelmed with the experience, but the post-orgasmic pleasure was palpable. Oli had carefully pulled out and all but collapsed on the bed next to Noah so I took over aftercare duty, cleaning both of them up as much as I could, dropping words of praise and soft kisses wherever they would let me. I only stopped when Noah deftly pulled me down next to him, cuddling into me, then reached behind him to make Oli spoon him.

I listened as their breathing started to even out and the room fell quiet. Noah’s head was buried in my chest, pressed so deeply into the fabric of my dress that I wondered how he was still able to breathe, while Oli was fully attached to his back, as if attempting to fuse into one person. I didn’t think either of us could really grasp what we were feeling in that moment, but somehow, it had changed us fundamentally. The trust and love that had just been put on display between us.

I let the two of them rest for as long as I could, but I knew that people were waiting for us, a whole arena full of them, so before Noah could fully drift off, I herded both of them into the bathroom for a quick shower. Or what should have been a quick shower.

The space was much more limited than the one at Oli’s place and there was an additional person, but we still somehow squeezed into it, battling to stay under the water under soft giggles and sighs. We all did our best to clean each other, freshen up so we would be presentable, but it wasn’t until Oli’s hand travelled up the inside of my thigh that I was reminded of the lingering wetness that had nothing to do with the water raining down on us. It brough a pitiful moan to my lips.

“Feels like someone really enjoyed the show,” Oli teased, his eyes darkening as he sent a smirk my way. “I think we owe her an orgasm, Noah.”

Noah didn’t need much more invitation. Pressing himself against my back, his hand joined Oli’s between my legs, both of them feeling my arousal clearly as I almost buckled under the attention. I’d barely registered how turned on I’d been, fully focused on the two men and their enjoyment, but now that they were on me and I was finally naked, I knew it wouldn’t take much.

Oli’s lips found mine, immediately pushing his tongue into my mouth as his finger circled my clit, dragging another moan from my throat and straight into him. Noah left a kiss at the top of my hair, one arm sneaking around my waist to hold me steady as his hand rested on my stomach, the other… I couldn’t tell for sure, but the stretch was harsh enough that I assumed he’d immediately pushed two fingers into me.

My body felt like pure jelly as the two played with me, skillfully touching and teasing me and allowing me to fuck myself on their hands. I didn’t even attempt to be quiet when the euphoria rushed over me, clawing at Oli’s arms, my head dropping against his chest, riding my orgasm under praise and touches all over me until the oversensitity took hold of me. Both of them immediately noticed, withdrawing their hands but keeping me up until I could safely stand again.

I kissed Oli again, then turned around to do the same to Noah, who looked so happy, so ecstatic, that I wished I could frame this moment and keep it with me in perfect clarity forever.

And then Noah dropped his head to my shoulder and mumbled, so quietly that I wasn’t sure Oli could hear or even if I had heard correctly, “I think I could fall in love with a man.”

•••

I was floating on a cloud. So what if we hadn’t fully resolved the situation? So what if Noah still didn’t know that Oli and I had said those words to each other? So what if Noah hadn’t fully admitted to his feelings or that none of us had technically heard Oli say what was going through his mind either? None of it was enough to bring me down.

I caught up with Oli as soon as both of us had a moment free in our schedules, immediately allowing him to pull me into his lap in his dressing room, both of us desperate for the closeness.

“How are you feeling?” I mumbled into his sweatshirt as my head dropped to his shoulder. I was straddling him fully, having accepted that this was somehow a happy place for both of us, his arms holding me securely.

“So fucking good,” he laughed as if he couldn’t believe it himself. “I don’t know if I needed to fuck a man that badly or if it’s just Noah but holy shit.”

We both giggled against each other, bodies heaving with the noise, holding each other that little bit tighter as the memories appeared in both of our minds. I’d known it wanted this again and again and more the very second we had all collapsed in the bed but it was more than a relief to hear Oli felt the same. The calm and quiet returned only slowly.

“And… and everything else with Noah?” I finally asked.

Oli stayed quiet for a while. It didn’t worry me - I knew he was probably weighing his words, trying to figure out what exactly he felt and how to articulate it, and I gave him the time he needed, my fingers moving under his sweatshirt to draw soothing little circles on his skin.

“I… I want him. For everything. All the time. The way I want you. I don’t know if it’s too early to say anything else but… I think I’m in love with him.”

I almost started crying right then and there. Lifting my head, I put both of my hands to the sides of his face, needing to make sure he was here, saying these words.

“I’m in love with him too.”

“Do you think we can do this?” Oli questioned, his fingers softly combing through my hair, but his eyes never leaving mine. “The three of us?”

“I don’t know. But I’ll never forgive myself if we don’t try.”

Oli pressed a short kiss to my mouth. “That makes two of us.”

•••

About an hour later, I’d made sure Oli was where he needed to be, grabbed the biggest portion of food I could find while scarfing it down with worrying speed, then planted a kiss on Noah’s lips when I met him in the hallway and turned away to get to the sound desk quickly enough that I wouldn’t see his reaction. Nicholas gave me a thumbs up on the way out.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Becky mused as soon as I approached, opening the barrier for me and waiving me in. She leaned in, just to make sure no one else would hear when she continued. “Did you get good dick?”

“Well, technically, I didn’t, but…”

“Oh, you dirty girl, what did the three of you get up to!”

I didn’t indulge her in any details but my smile seemed to tell her everything. We had enough to do as it was - even if that didn’t stop her from throwing me knowing looks every now and then and wriggling her eyebrows suggestively.

The Bad Omens set passed by in no time at all and I was starting to enjoy how some details were already becoming something akin to a routine. Still, Becky very much ordered me around, trying to explain as much as possible when we had a moment, especially in between sets. I almost wished I could take notes, just to make sure I would really remember. Even though I wasn’t quite sure what for.

“Oh, by the way, are you going to be on the early flight out to Dublin tomorrow?” Becky asked out of nowhere, almost throwing me out of the loop. I fished the phone out of the pocket of my jeans, showing her the time I’d jotted down for the flight that most of the bands and close crew was on.

“This one? Why?”

“Perfect,” Becky grinned. “Nothing in particular. Just wanted to catch you before you get on the plane. Got something to give you tomorrow.”

“Something- what?”

“Nothing at all. Oh, look, time to start the trailer for Bring Me, no time to talk!”

I was getting sick and tired of surprises. Or, I would have been, if all of them hadn’t been so damn perfect lately. Still, I couldn’t help giving her the side-eye for the next hour, impossibly curious but knowing just as well she probably wouldn’t spill. And with Oli on stage, my brain was fried anyway as I watched him, utterly happy and ecstatic, easily giving one of the best shows of his life.

Becky didn’t even reimprand me when I completely lost focus when it was time for Antivist. In fact, all duties forgotten, my eyes were solely glued on the two men currently on stage. The one I was already able to call my boyfriend and the one he had just introduced as a very special person. Both of them were. Very special people. My heart was so absolutely irredeemably lost to them that, no matter how deliriously happy I was about being able to call Oli mine, I also knew fully well that we wouldn’t be complete without Noah.

My whole body ached to have him too. And I was sure Oli’s did as well. Time didn’t matter. Distance didn’t matter. Societal expectations didn’t matter. All I needed to be happy now, truly, fully happy, was for Noah to be honest with us and, hopefully, so hopefully, become ours as much as we were already his.

I barely noticed the next two songs passing, entirely too caught up in my thoughts and the way Oli looked so ridiculously gorgeous on screen and how stupidly lucky I’d gotten with him already.

“Go.”

I turned back to Becky, confused and unsure if she’d spoken to me at all. The band was off stage, waiting for the montage to come on before performing their encore, so the room was marginally quieter. She nodded, confirming my question, and motioned randomly toward the left.

“There’s some reserved seating in 101, left to the stage. Go. Enjoy the last songs. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you-?”

She didn’t let me finish, almost violently pushing me against the barrier which didn’t open quite in time to let me out. I didn’t ask for more encouragement, sprinting through the venue via as many shortcuts as I could remember, flashing my pass and moving down the rows of seats where a few select friends and family had gathered just as Doomed started playing.

It had been a while since I’d gotten to watch Oli perform from such close proximity but it never failed to stun me wholly. The way he threw his entire being into performance with absolute disregard for his own wellbeing, driven my nothing but pure emotions, memories, whatever energetic currents were running through the arena, was easily one of the most beautiful things I’d ever seen. I loved him. Irrevocably.

He spotted me during Lost. An almost undetectable skip in his actions. A stare right in my direction. Pointing toward me. A kiss thrown my way. I couldn’t help but send one back, watching as he caught it and put it in his pocket, face never changing, but I knew he meant it. He meant it all.

And I knew we needed to talk to Noah. Tonight.

•••

I was already waiting backstage, right where the band would come off stage but safely out of view from the audience, when the show ended. The others passed me by first on their way to their dressing rooms, Mat throwing me a smile and giving me a pat on the shoulder as if I needed any sort of encouragement. And then Oli appeared, stunning, sweaty, happy and all I could do was run straight into the arms that were opening just for me and press a kiss to his mouth. He pulled me closer to his body, completely ignorant of the way I stuck to him in the heat his skin emitted and who was I to complain. I would have him anyway I got him, freshly showered or or completely sweaty alike.

“I love you,” Oli said, freely and confidently and my heart wanted to leap, still so incredibly enamoured and overwhelmed any time he said those words and never wanting him to stop.

“I-”

The words didn’t even manage to leave my mouth before I saw him.

Noah.

Standing behind Oli, his eyes locked with mine, his posture tense, his face unreadable, then crestfallen, then… resigned.

We hadn’t told him yet. We hadn’t told him and now he knew. He knew we hadn’t told him. That we’d kept it from him. That we’d spent who knows how long basking in our own happiness. Without him. And suddenly he looked like all fears he’d ever had combined.

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Criminal minds team reaction to a super tall muscular agent with tattoos/piercings?

Um, yes? But like, gotta project a little bit so he's insecure lmao

You were a new agent, working for the BAU, finally getting the transfer from organised crime you had practically been begging for for the last two years. You had met Agent Hotchner (or Hotch as you had been told to call him) and Agent Rossi (or Rossi), both respectable men who seemed pleased to have you on the team. But today was your first official day working for them.

You weren't allowed to have the majority of your piercings in whilst at work, only the three in your ears and your septum, provided you took that one out should you need to talk to members of the public. Your tattoos started at the base of your neck and stopped just above your wrists, enough that a long sleeved shirt with a collar hid them.

You stepped out of the elevator, taking a small moment to try and gather yourself before you walked into the ballpen.

"Well who is this hunk of handsome?!" Penelope asked, jaw dropping as you walked into the room. Your shoulders curled inwards with embarrassment as you rubbed your neck, cheeks dotting with red.

"Er, I'm (Y/N)," You answered, "I'm looking for Hotch or Rossi?"

"(Y/N)," Rossi grinned as he walked up to you, patting your arm when he reached you. "Glad to see you made it okay,"

"Thank you sir," You nodded.

"What have I told you?" Rossi sighed.

"Sorry, Rossi." You correct yourself, Rossi gave a small nod as Hotch approached the group.

"(Y/N), nice to see you again."

"You too, s-" You cut yourself off, "Hotch."

Hotch turned to Garcia, "Garcia, play nice, he's joining the team."

"Oh really?" Garcia asked, seeing the unimpressed look on Hotch's face she sighed. "I'm Penelope Garcia, Knower of All."

"I'm (Y/N) (L/N), Agent of America?" You offer, unsure.

"I like you," Penelope grinned before she turned to Hotch, "We've got a case."

"Gather the team," Hotch said. Penelope nodded, before rushing off. When she left, he turned back to you, "You get used to her, she means well," He said fondly.

You nodded slightly, unsure of what exactly to say. "Come on, kid, you need to meet the rest of the team." Rossi said, patting your arm once more.

Derek's eyes widen as you walk into the room, when Garcia had told him that the new team member was tall and muscular he had been expecting maybe someone six foot, but you stood at about six foot five, built well (to say the least), with a septum piercing, stretchers in your ear lobe, a helix piercing, and an industrial piercing. And, based on the darker tones that showed through your shirt, you were inked too.

You all made quick introductions before you sat down, immediately turning your attention to Penelope before heading off to the case.

After the case was finished, Rossi had decided to hold a family dinner at his (with instructions to bring swimwear - apparently, he had recently had a pool installed). You agreed to go, despite feeling slightly out of place, making sure to wear the trunks under your jeans as it was easier and made sure that you brought clothes in your rucksack.

An hour after dinner (you didn't want to get cramp in the pool because you weren't sure whether or not that was a myth and you weren't about to embarrass yourself in front of your team just yet), you all went into separate rooms to get dressed. You kept your t-shirt on for a bit, planning on only taking it off when you went into the water.

Walking out into the garden, you plopped yourself on a chair, tuning in to the conversation. "I'm just saying that statistically speaking, the most common birthday in the US is September 9th,"

"Really?" You asked, "That's my birthday,"

"Seriously?" Morgan asked, you nodded.

"Yep," You said, "What can I say? I'm a Basic Bitch,"

When JJ and Emily joined the group, Emily grinned, "Pool time?"

Morgan grinned as he and Emily both cannon-balled in, when he resurfaced, he turned to you all, "You joining us?"

You stood up after the others, pausing for a moment before taking your shirt off and leaping into the pool.

"Oh my God, he has a nipple piercing?! Are you guys seeing this?!" Penelope exclaims, slapping her hand against Emily and JJ's arms.

"I did not see that coming..." Emily muttered, JJ nodding in agreement.

"Do you... do you reckon down there is...?" Penelope asked, giving them both raised eyebrows and a smirk. Emily and JJ both rolled their eyes.

"For God's sake, Penelope, focus," JJ laughed.

"I can't, he's too dreamy."

[lazorbeanz]

Sonamy Headcanons because I’m deprived and extremely delulu 🙃

🩷 Sonic has like- telepathic senses that tell him whenever Amy is in potential danger

“My Amy Senses are tingling..” 🤣

if you’ve watched Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse, you’ll get it lololol

💙 Sonamy road trips roles

Amy: driver, trip organiser, checklists checklist checklists, “DONT EAT THOSE THEY’RE FOR THE TRIP!!”, carpool karaoke *whips out her inner Ariana Grande*, “eughhh Sonic did you fart?!”

Sonic: passenger princess, DJ, snacc provider (and eater), sleeping beauty, “couldn’t we just use my speed to get there?”, argues with the GPS because he knows a faster route (one not requiring the road)

🩷 Sonic and Amy playing table tennis:

Amy: sonic, serve

Sonic: *💁‍♂️🕺*

Amy: no- serve the BALL xD

💙 Person: “are you two dating?”

Sonic and Amy: *while holding hands* “no”

🩷 Though he doesn’t admit it, Sonic also loves his quills massaged. Sometimes when Sonic and Amy are chilling under a tree together, and he ends up dozing off, Amy will rest his head on her lap and stroke her hand through his quills, resulting in a few faint purrs from the hedgehog, which she secretly gushes over about

💙 They could be arguing for 5 minutes straight and after be like:

“I LOVE YOUUUU!!” >:O

“I LOVE YOU TOOOOOO!!!!” >:O

🩷 Amy finds shopping twice as fun with Sonic because he will just sit her in the shopping cart, as they zip up and down the aisles whilst grabbing the items on the list…getting it all done in 2 minutes tops. They call it the Operation: S^2 (Speed Shopping)

💙 Sonic and Amy could already be years into marriage but will still do or say things that’ll make the other flustered, like the times when they were dating.

🩷 Amy knows that if Sonic is being really flirty with her, he usually wants something.

💙 If Sonic and Amy are both sick one day, they will tell off each other, insisting they should be at home resting.

It results in both of them at Amy’s house, snuggled up on the couch binging movies.

🩷 As much as Amy likes sharing the goss with rouge and the girls, there’s nothing like sharing it with her bf because he goes all “omg gurl no wayyy! 💅” or he starts spilling his own tea with her lmao “omg bestie you won’t believe who I saw the other day…”

💙 Sonic plans secret meet ups with Cream, who teaches him how to make her signature flower crowns…he hopes to master it so he can make Amy one, one day…

🩷 (this following hc was an idea from a comic I believe..don’t know who made it but if u do pls let me know for credit purposes ig kajsjwidj)

Amy knows how Sonic can sometimes struggle to speak his feelings and is often an action over words type of guy. So she came up with this thing that anytime Sonic wants to tell Amy he loves her, without verbally saying it, all he needs to do is squeeze her hand 3 times; I. Love. you.

💙 When Amy told Sonic she wanted to go dancing with him, she didn’t expect it to be just dance…anyways she had tons of fun!

🩷 If they have sleepovers, it’s a tradition that they wear matching onesies (guys comment what they should be hehe)

💙 Amy uses Sonic as the makeup tester. He ends up looking ready for the circus afterwards but he honestly doesn’t mind this because he gets tons of kissies when she’s trying out the lipsticks

🩷 Walks along the beach are nice and romantic until Sonic decides to be a lil shh and kick sand in Amy’s shoes *cue her dragging her naughty bf towards the ocean*

💙 Amy’s a sucker for old school romance; love letters, flowers, fancy dates…and Sonic knows this. (Well EVERYONE does actually…) So one day, despite how inexperienced he is in the whole romance department, sets aside time to work on writing a letter, buying flowers and arranging somewhere nice to take Amy out for her to fulfil her romance fantasies. She’ll even get to dress up for this occasion

🩷 Sonic helping out Amy in the kitchen be like:

“A-Amy…I burnt the water…”

“Sonic how TF did you BURN the water?!”

“I DONT KNO-”

💙 Amy is having a downer and is very clingy…so here is Sonic running his gf’s errands, with his gf clinging onto him. People will see this unusual phenomenon and he just gives them all the stare…nothing to see here! I mean it ain’t the first time he’s had to cart a pink hedgehog round the place

🩷 For the longest time, Amy has had a box sitting aside in her closet, containing a new special swim shirt, arm floaties, and a swimming kickboard, for when Sonic decides to finally learn how to swim. She can’t see the day any of the contents will be used but she could only hope.

💙 Sonic keeps an umbrella on standby for future “need to share an umbrella” emergencies

🩷 In the winter, they’re practically inseparable, using each other desperately to warm up. Because of this Tails had to design them jackets with instant heating, but they still end up back together even though they aren’t freezing anymore

[yesokayiknow]

anything on 13 and 14 for the bigeneration?

-since there’s already two of them, fourteen never gets shot, which means fifteen won’t be around for a while yet 😔. it also means that both the doctors play their own games against the toymaker! fourteen sticks with highest card, thirteen goes with mario kart (and wins, for the record. yes she will be holding the fact that she won her game and fourteen lost over his head forever. oh what’s that his game was pure chance and doesn’t have anything to do with his level of skill? tough)

-donna's spare room only has one bed, and they argue over who gets it for like an hour (thirteen's like i sleep on the floor a lot anyway it's fine you take the bed and fourteen's like you literally died like 5 hours ago YOU take the bed) until donna's like Why Doesn't Somebody Take The Fucking Sofa. that somebody is thirteen bc fourteen's really tall lmao. donna comes downstairs the next morning to find fourteen curled up on the floor next to the sofa anyway and is like hm i sure hope this won't be representative of their general relationship!

-for the first week, thirteen is very much not fun to be around for reasons of she literally just fucking died and was kind of hoping that it would mean she didn't have to deal with any of that unresolved trauma (spoiler alert it's still there but It's Worse Now). eventually even fourteen starts avoiding her, which makes it ten times worse (turns out she's uh kinda bleeding psychically. that's what happens when two aliens rip open your memories again and again and then your best enemy forces a regeneration on you). this goes on until she snaps at rose, at which point donna sits her down in the shed and is like we're going to talk or else i will physically kick you out. an hour (and a lot of tears) later she brings fourteen in too. they end up having semi regular check in sessions after that and it really does help

-around a month in, they just Vanish and the tardis is gone too, and donna's like well they could've left a fucking note. but i get it. and then rose is like mum come look!!! and takes her into the shed, which is now bigger on the inside and has two full rooms, one with rose's workshop (now with a bunch of vintage sewing and knitting machines in) and one with the tardis and a hammock (for thirteen) and a sofa bed (for fourteen). donna's like oh you definitely should be in seperate rooms you guys are unhealthily close and they're like we can't hear you over our amazing coping methods

-yeah they're like. really codependent. they also have vastly different ways of getting comfort (fourteen needs to be touching somebody at all times, and also loves comfortable silences; thirteen needs a five foot cube of personal space and also can't stop talking ever Or Else The Thoughts Get Her) which isn't a super great way to live tbh! luckily you kinda need surgical tools to seperate donna and fourteen, and rose and thirteen can talk at each other for hours, so it kinda balances out. the fact that they physically need to interact with other people really helps dskjldsajklds

-while fourteen isn't ten, he's just like a more mature version of him, so he slots very easily back into donna and wilf (and even sylvia)'s lives. thirteen, on the other hand, is a completely new person, and does often feel a little out of place. once everyone else realises she feels like this they're like what the fuck are you talking about. you're sad and feral. that's the doctor

-they do eventually get better with uh lots of therapy and also getting desk jobs at unit (fourteen ends up more with the organisational side while thirteen is just Generally Sciencey. she has like forty experiments going at once. kate only knows about around 2/3 of them) plus the shed expands eventually and thirteen gets her own workshop and tinkering really helps calm her down. meanwhile fourteen starts getting into baking, and that helps him too. they both just really needed a breather, yknow?

[katatty]

Hi Kat! ☀️

First of all I am in awe. Big fan of your 8 baby challenge series, and of all you do in general 😁 as a storyteller especially. Hats off, you're very talented.

I was wondering, do you have multiples dowload folders? Do you switch depending on the save? I lurked on your blog/simblr a lot (as a fervent reader of yours) and genuinely wonder how you manage a) so much cc or b) switching defaults/cc depending on the saves 😊

Impatiently waiting for the next Baby challenge ep 📺🥳👌

Hope you have a great day.

Hello! Thanks so much for the sweet message! <3 There should be a new baby challenge video coming out later today, I just need to finish editing it xD

I do have multiple downloads folders that I switch out depending on the save, kinda! My EA Games folders looks like this:

(I like it this way, rather than switching just downloads, because this way it isn't possible to load the wrong neighbourhood for the downloads you currently have in and mess up your neighbourhood deco, lol! you can also have different collection files, cameras, etc.)

(Putting the rest under a cut since I got way too detailed describing all this, lmao)

So I have:

a "no cc" game folder for building projects (because I prefer building without cc if I am going to be sharing it)

a "low cc" folder for my YouTube saves, Fiero legacy, and a few other things

my "full cc" folder for my Hollyhead BACC & Pleasantview Plus uberhood.

The last one is definitely too much CC (24GB) and it does noticably make my performance quite bad lol! The game lags a fair bit and will start to flash pink if I play for too long, especially if I am loading large and heavily decorated lots. (This is why I go with a lower-cc vibe for Youtube especially, and whenever I start a new hood these days it tends to be a low-cc one).

Hollyhead & Pleasantview Plus both use the same mods and cc (arguably a mistake LOL), but I do switch out the neighbourhood-specific default replacements, the folders look like this:

There's not that much difference here lol, but they do use different plantsim skins, differences in careers, & Hollyhead has some "fantasy" defaults I don't want showing up in my uberhood.

Then, the "low cc" folder is much more limited! Mostly just essential bodyshop stuff, any maxis sets like the life stories collection or the store stuff, objects that have some sort of useful functionality... but then within that I do have more themed folders I swap in and out depending on the save :)

Robin River is my old for a round robin legacy hood, has some desert-appropriate default replacements & a few bits of cc specificly made for that legacy

Honeycoast is one of those indefinite-hiatus projects, has a lot of "European" build and buy cc as well as defaults

Shellcastle Sands is my legacy hood for the Fieros, the town has a beach city look so has a bunch of fun summery defaults

"Sprucestead" was the beta name for Spruceburg and has all the cc I use in both of my Youtube series. Way fewer default replacements in this folder since I went with more of a pure "maxis match" aesthetic

Each of those folders also includes a slightly different aging mod since I like tweaking that depending on how I am playing the neighbourhood, haha! I also have Uberhood_Mods and Spruceburg_Mods which have a few things that are stuff I want in the 8 baby challenge but not in Sprucebug, and vice versa. (e.g. only the uberhood has the playable nannies mod, Spruceburg has the more dangerous fires mod, etc.)

Uhhhhh, in terms of organisation, I just try to label each folder clearly and keep all my not-in-use folders on my desktop so they're easy to find. I think the different icons make it easier to tell stuff apart! I keep all sort of sims stuff (programs, backups, projects, mods I am saving for later, neighbourhoods, etc) clumped together on my Desktop and tidy it up every once in a while xD

As for how to make the custom icons bc I imagine somebody might ask about this lol, you do it like this:

I downloaded a pack of Sims 4 icons years ago (I can't remember where, sorry!) and made them into .ico files, this was long enough ago I don't really remember the details but I found a wikihow article that explains it xD

Sorry this ended up a crazy-long reply lol, I will say that all this is really not remotely necessary and arguably is quite convoluted and messy, hahha. It's like this bc I have been playing for 10+ years 😅 but I really enjoy organising folders and the like lmao, it's so satisfying to me!

[yanderu-deredere]

bite and chew. (extras)

★ their mate is in the same house and the two of them know they should be talking to him but, instead, they let off a little steam

anon asked: LOL SO LIKE WAS THE REASON MEL SAID THEY WERENT IN THE STATE TO HAVE GUESTS WAS BECOS THEY WERE FUCKING? AND THAT'S WHY LEO HAD THAT BUTT PLUG?

a/n: a little behind the scenes for that lil scene loool hope ur fine with me answering it this way just becos im super ocd about the formatting! this is very all over the place lmao but i just wanted to write it out becos yeah.... im really sorry (:

also before anyone asks THEYRE MARRIED THATS WHY THEY HAVE THE SAME LAST NAME DONT BE WEIRD!

part one (bite.) ★ part two ★ (chew.) ★ extras (taste) ★ part three ★ (swallow.) ★ part four (digest.)

pairing: implied poly werewolves x male reader, isamu lowell x leonard lowell word count: 2690

warning: not much reader in here, leonard is bratty and mean, isamu is just here for the ride, having sex in a semi-public place, kind of exhibitionism? almost exhibitionism? hard to explain but they jerk of right outside of the room reader is in

"Who's the twunk?"

The words leave Leonard's lips before he could stop himself. They always always did and he always beat himself up for it but he had never hated himself for it more than that moment because you were more than a twunk.

You were the most beautiful man he'd ever seen.

You were so stunning.

Mel had always told Leonard that he'd understand once you came, that it would be different with you. Leonard had been the last to join the pack so he didn't know what it felt like but that he'd apparently just know.

He always feared that he wouldn't know, that he'd never feel it, that the feeling would actually just be some sort of irrational jealousy as Mel and Isamu doted over the new addition.

But no, he felt it with you.

Just looking at you, just staring at you, he knew it was you.

The timing was right too. The full moon just started and he was already feeling his blood rushing to his cock at the sight of you standing there, looking at him oddly.

Oddly because he called you a twunk. Fuck.

Mel was saying something. He said your name. Leonard needed to pay attention. He needed to say something, anything. He forced a smile on, trying his best not to look like he wanted to devour you "Nice to meet you too!"

Gods, he wanted to absolutely tear you apart and devour you. In all the best ways, of course.

Leonard couldn't take this anymore. Without thinking (because he never thought on anything first before doing it), he rushed away, desperate for any sort of relief.

"Saaam!"

Their entire cabin was only one floor so, sometimes, getting from point A to point B was frustrating as all Hell but, thankfully, Isamu was where Leonard had last left him.

Leonard burst into the master bedroom, broad grin on his face.

Isamu was completely naked, cock clutched in his fist, sweat trickling down the side of his face and cum dribbling down his shaft. Even though it had been a few minutes since he'd cum, Isamu was still panting like he'd run a marathon.

And, honestly, anyone Leonard rode pretty much always felt that way.

"They're here." Leonard tried to tell Isamu, bright blue eyes wide and that famous wolfish grin on his face "He's here."

Of course, they only ever spoke about one person that way so Isamu immediately knew who Leonard was talking about.

As if he was never tired in the first place, Isamu sat up, eyes wide and a panicked expression on his face "Oh no, what should I do? Fuck!"

Then, he let go of his own cock like the thing was made of molten lava "I-I-I can't meet them looking l-like this!"

"Hmmm," Leonard tapped the bottom of his lip, trying his best to look like he was thinking on it "How about we help each other out?"

Then, he was moving forward and riffling through the nightstand right next to his side of the bed. It was a little hard to find what he was looking for since he wasn't exactly the most organised in the pack but, eventually, his fingers found it and he fished it out.

It was a butt plug that fit perfectly in his hand, all shiny and crystalline, a suitably perfect rosy pink color. At the very head of it was a beautiful blooming flower.

Isamu took one look at it and shook his head "No way."

"What do you mean no way?" Leonard huffed as he tossed it in Isamu's direction. The poor guy barely had any time to catch the thing.

"No way, I'm n-not going to put this in you!" Isamu watched as Leonard started stripping his sweatpants and then his boxers "We're going to end up losing control and then fucking!"

"I need to prep myself, okay? I'm going to get our mate to fuck me tonight." Leonard let Isamu know a-matter-of-factly, smug expression on his face before he was bending himself over in front of his mate.

Isamu sighed, ragged and tired "You don't even know if he's into guys."

"He may not be into guys but he's our mate. He'll be into us." Leonard said it with such confidence that, honestly? Isamu found himself believing him.

It didn't mean that Isamu was any more on board with Leonard's stupid bullshit, though. But, he knew all the time spent arguing with Leonard was wasted time.

So, he grabbed the lube next to the bed on the floor and warmed it up on his fingers. Leonard always complained when it was too cold and he didn't want him to complain when he was already stepping on Isamu's nerves.

"Fuuuck, Sam, your fingers are always the best." Leonard groaned a little when Isamu finally started pushing his fingers in, the lube making the insertion smooth and easy.

Mel's fingers were always the hardest to take because they were always so rough and thick. Perks of being a lumberjack, Leonard supposed. But Isamu's fingers were long and lithe; they always seemed to get to the places in Leonard that nobody else could.

"Shit. RIght there, baby, fuck." Leonard buried his face into his arms as the tips of Isamu's fingers brushed against something inside him that made his cock twitch.

Isamu hated that Leonard was enjoying this so much. So, as a little bit of retaliation, he couldn't help but give his ass cheek a little bit of a spank with his free hand.

Leonard was the best to spank out of the three of them. Unlike Mel and Isamu, Leonard had pale skin so, when they hit and bruised him, his skin always turned such pretty vibrant colours.

And he cried so pretty too.

"Fuck, shit, sorry." Leonard's hips did a little aborted thrust like they didn't know whether to grind his cock against the mattress for relief or to push hard against Isamu for more "Shit, Isamuu."

Both of them knew the apology was bullshit but Isamu took it anyway and rubbed a comforting palm against the stinging ass cheek.

It didn't stop him from tapping it again once, twice, thrice, each time harder than the last, trying to remind Leonard that this entire thing really was inconveniencing him just a little bit.

Leonard sobbed each time, the apologies disappearing, replaced with that bratty attitude of his that always demanded things.

"Fucking stop! Shit! Fuck!" He'd curse but he wouldn't pull away, wouldn't actually stop Isamu, would just keep letting his mate fuck his fingers into his ass.

"Okay, shit, I've had enough!" Finally, Leonard pushed his hand back and clawed at Isamu's leg, teeth bared "Push the fucking plug in me or I might push you down and fuck you."

Isamu gulped and nodded a little haltingly. Yeah, this was exactly what he was worried about.

He took his hand off of Leonard's ass cheek to grab the butt plug only to realise that it was cold. So, he put the whole thing in his mouth, saliva coating it and dribbling down the corner of his mouth.

Of course, Leonard watched and he couldn't help but think how erotic Isamu looked taking the thing and licking at it.

It made him want to fuck him even more. Which, of course, made him groan and grind his cock into the rough sheets under him.

"Calm down." Isamu grumbled and took his fingers out of Leonard's ass before finally coating the butt plug with lube and slipping the whole thing into Leonard's ass.

It was mesmerising to watch it slip so easily in and to see the excess lube dribble out.

It was even more unbelievable to watch Leonard get up like nothing ever happened. He didn't even hobble as he angrily cleaned himself up and got dressed.

"Wait! Fuck," Isamu grabbed his pant leg "You said you'd help me out!"

Leonard laughed, all mean-spirited before kneeling beside the bed.

Without even hesitating, he took Isamu's cock into his hand and licked a long stripe, from the base to the tip, before taking the tip into his mouth and suckling on it.

Isamu's head fell back, a strangled moan leaving his throat. "Y-You're not helping!"

Leonard laughed again, lips vibrating around Isamu's tip and causing his hips to jerk up into Leonard's mouth.

In response, Leonard gave a couple of taps on Isamu's hip. Calm down.

"S-Sorry, just-- Fuck, don't-- don't laugh with my p-p-penis in your mouth." Isamu stuttered out, his hand darting out to cup the back of Leonard's neck.

Leonard already knew that but that didn't mean he wouldn't do it. It was always fun to see Isamu freaking out about it, after all.

Still, as an apology, Leonard smoothly took the rest of Isamu's cock down his throat, monster length and all. The slurp of cum, lube and saliva was absolutely obscene.

At least, Isamu thought so as he let the rest of his body fall back, his hand tightening around the back of Leonard's neck, his hips struggling to hold back on fucking the poor guy's throat.

"Fuck, fuck, Leo, fuck."

As suddenly as he did it, though, he was pulling back, slowly sucking and licking as he took out inch after inch. Isamu watched with bated breath as the bulge in Leonard's throat seemed to shift before disappearing completely.

Leonard would kill him one of these days.

"There, all clean." The monster croaked out before clearing his throat and licking his lips like he'd finished a popsicle and not absolutely deepthroated Isamu's cock.

Then, to make matters even worse, Leonard took Isamu by the wrist and cleaned the cum off his hand, his tongue working in between his fingers and lapping at his palm.

"Leo!" Isamu let out another strangled moan, his hips helplessly thrusting into nothing and his cock feebly bobbing around.

"Come on, our mate is literally on the other side of this damn house!" Leonard stood up, dusting himself off before throwing clothes at Isamu, uncaring when they hit him in the face instead of landing on his lap.

Isamu just sighed and obediently put them on, knowing full well that, when Leonard got like this, it was better to let him boss you around than to argue.

That and Isamu was excited too, after all.

Isamu knew the happiness that came with finding another mate. Just finding Mel was a miracle in itself.

He hadn't known that his... condition had been so... trainable and Mel helped him out. To think that they became mates too? It was like fate brought them together.

And then Mother Moon brought them Leonard? It was more than Isamu could ever ask for.

Now, she gave him another gift with you.

So, yes, Isamu nervously followed Leonard, scared out of his mind to see you but also happy and excited and all of these emotions brewing inside of his chest.

And when he saw you? When he looked at you, sitting there at the table, looking at him with those eyes, that handsome sweet smile on your face? He knew, just like how he knew when he saw Mel and when he saw Leonard, that you were his.

"Hello." He wheezed out, unable to really think of anything more intelligent to say.

Especially when you smiled at him like that so brilliantly, like the Sun itself "Hello! You must be Sam, right? Nice to meet you!"

"Isamu." He corrected before realising how stupid that sounded "Y-You can call me Sam."

Then, to make it even worse, like his body wanted to embarrass him, he bowed. He really didn't mean to do it but his body was moving before he could stop himself.

Thoroughly embarrassed (and his cock still hard from both what Leonard had done before and from just seeing you), he scurried away.

"Sam!" He heard Leonard follow after him but he was near tears, knowing that you probably thought he was some stupid idiot or something.

When he showed no signs of stopping, Leonard wrapped his arms around Isamu's waist and tried to pull him to a stop.

Of course, Leonard was no match for someone so buff and tough like Isamu. But, out of respect for Leonard or because he liked doting on him, Isamu almost immediately stopped.

Just as the two of them paused almost right outside the kitchen, they heard your voice, melodic and sweet.

"What's up with all of you and your partners looking supernaturally good-looking?"

Isamu felt his cheeks and his ears grow hot. You didn't think he was some weirdo for being so flustered and embarrassed in front of you?

Leonard sighed and Isamu felt his breath against his ear.

"See, you're fine. You're panicking without thinking again." Leonard whispered against Isamu's ear, his lips tickling the shell of it "Just calm down."

Then, Isamu felt Leonard smirk "Let me help you calm down."

Without warning, Leonard's hand snuck into Isamu's sweatpants and into his boxers, his fingers wrapping around his still hard cock and pulling it out.

There was no lube, of course, and no cum to help so Leonard huffed "Spit."

"W-We-We're right outside--" Isamu tried to protest.

"I said spit." Leonard huffed out again and, knowing Leonard, Isamu just did as he was told, letting a line of his spit drop onto his own cock.

Leonard laughed rather meanly before spreading the spit all over the shaft of Isamu's cock. It still wasn't enough, of course, but it definitely helped.

"Gods, I bet if our mate saw you now..." Leonard let himself trail off and Isamu's hips helplessly jerked forward at the thought.

What, you'd think Isamu was pathetic? That he was disgusting for being turned on just looking at you? That he shouldn't be leaking so much pre-cum while he was being jerked off right outside the room you were in?

Isamu immediately pulled his hand up to his face and bit down on the back of his wrist, trying his hardest not to let out all the pitiful moans and whines he wanted to.

Leonard let out a couple of breathy chuckles as he continued to work Isamu's cock "You're getting off on it, aren't you? I bet you'd really cum hard if he came out and saw you."

Isamu shook his head but the two of them knew he was just denying the truth.

"Listen to his voice while you get off, you pervert." Leonard's free hand suddenly came up to pinch Isamu's face, his thumb and fingers digging into his cheeks.

"Yeah, my girlfriend invited me but then ditched me to go hang out with some buff guy."

"Girlfriend? Ha, you're getting off to a guy with a girlfriend, 'Samu." Leonard jeered, fist clenching a bit harder around Isamu's cock as he did a particularly rough jerk. "What are you going to do about that, Isamu? Our mate has a girlfriend."

Oh no, oh no. The worst part about Leonard was that he knew exactly what buttons to press and he knew exactly how easily Isamu got jealous over his mates.

He didn't even know who your girlfriend was but, Gods, did he want to rip out her throat with his bare teeth.

Isamu's teeth tightened around his own wrist and he futilely fucked into Leonard's fist, trying to chase the high that he felt coiling into his stomach.

Isamu wanted to claim you, wanted to take you away from your girlfriend. She didn't deserve you anyway. Only they did. Only they deserved you, you could only belong to them.

When Isamu came, his entire body bent forwards and he could barely muffle the huffed out moan that left his throat. Leonard himself laughed up a storm and had to cover his mouth.

The cum, of course, splattered all over the floor and Leonard knew he'd have to clean that up.

Isamu was absolutely out of it, his entire body sagging and tired as he panted and groaned.

"Sam, Leo, come here and hang out with our new guest!"

Or they could probably clean it up later.

[momobani]

Wilson!

THE WAY I hate YOU - Chapter 3 - 16.3k

&team Nicholas x fem!reader - arranged marriage AU

SERIES MASTERLIST

Sum: most people would die to stay in their honeymoon phase, you on the other hand might die from being in the honeymoon phase. 

Warnings: swearing, sarcasm, mention of food and alcohol, Nicholas (i feel like his existence is a warning in this one, you’ll see what i mean), mentions of sex 

Soundtrack rec: Hold Me Tight or Don’t - Fall Out Boy

Taglist: @nichoswag @seokka0o

A/N: i personally was having a delightful time writing some of this, like more than usual lol that i went overboard with the word count, i hope you enjoy it too <3 (again ft some fun cameos! don’t take it seriously lmao)  

This is so not how you had imagined spending your Friday night.

The hot pot machine bubbled quietly in the middle of the table while you tried to simultaneously pay attention to what Nicholas was saying and fight a piece of meat that just kept disappearing below the surface of the broth. 

“So, what do you think?” Nicholas concludes. He’d just finished his side of the debate on which apartment you should choose to live in. The two of you had been meeting to organise your lives and had finally come to make a decision for where you’ll live. 

You finally manage to snag that piece of meat and bring it to your plate quickly. 

“Well, I agree about how much nicer it would be to have a laundry room but I’m not too hot on the location.” you reply.

“What do you mean?” he asks. “The location is perfect!” 

“What’s so perfect about it?” you inquire, looking down at the tablet between you. The map just showed it was some distance away from your current apartments, although closer to the supermarket you went to and the boba cafe you liked. 

“It’s pretty central to where we need to go,” he says, flicking through the photos again. “and there’sabasketballcourtafewblocksaway.” he speedily finishes. The slew of words don’t quite hit your ears in real time and your eyebrows scrunch together as you try to decipher what your husband just said. 

“There’s a what?” you ask. 

“And there’s a park so nature, yay!” he grins, trying to move on but you weren’t born yesterday. You raise an eyebrow combatively - he either tells you or you’ll veto this entirely. Nicholas sighs. “There’s a basketball court nearby and it’d be nice to play with my friends. Happy now?”

“What really is happiness?” you hum in thought, avoiding sinking into a philosophical blackhole, instead thinking about his revelation about the court and to some extent, the park. It might be a way to get Maki to come over to yours and hang out - you barely got to see him lately and you wanted to see how he was doing.    

“Hey, save the existential crisis for later and tell me if I can play basketball or not.” Nicholas pouts over a piece of tofu puff.

“I’m not about to choose an apartment based on that. Give me better reasons.” you shrug, coming down with a verdict that you were sure Nicholas wouldn’t like, but you weren’t about to just indulge him.

“Okay, let’s review; our own laundry room, underground parking, central location,” he lists, taking a moment to think between each one. “reasonable mortgage - hmm?” he wriggles his eyebrows the way you think those old school teleshopping people would but right now it feels more like the way a shady conman might. “Oh, and the park and the court.”

You purse your lips, weighing up the pros and cons. The place you’d chosen had some of the same perks - in terms of parking and location but there was no laundry room, just a machine in the kitchen and you didn’t love that. You mentally added the boba place to Nicholas’ list and the possibility of persuading your little brother to visit you so he wouldn’t forget you exist. 

Unfortunately, it made logical sense to pick the place with more perks and better price for value, but the whole thing sounded like Nicholas was fishing for a way to avoid you at home. 

On second thought, maybe that’s how you should consider it - it might give you opportunities to be independent of each other and not be constantly stuck together. You clear your throat and munch on a piece of rice cake for a moment.

“Fine, let’s take that one. I like doing laundry.” you say whatever nonsense that comes to mind. Nicholas is suddenly far too happy to pay attention to details. 

“Really?” his eyes are wide in surprise. “Okay, we better move fast then. I’ll send them an interest inquiry right now.” he forgets about the food and starts tinkering away on securing the apartment for you. 

You watch him, busy hands and roaming eyes. He pushes up the sleeves of his olive shirt - a comfy and clearly beloved cozy sweater - and focuses. You notice the details of his existence; his tense forearms, the tongue that swipes across his lips unconsciously, and the chain that hangs around his muscular neck. 

Sometimes it was hard to understand that you weren’t really strangers any more. 

You’d been married for two weeks already and had been seeing a lot more of each other than you thought you would before you lived together. There’d been several family and business dinners that had needed your presence but you went to each other’s places to eat occasionally while you looked at new apartments or planned your move.

So much for strangers. 

Nicholas was your husband now and you were his wife. It had already happened and you just needed to get used to it.

“YN?” you snap out of it, realising that you’d been spacing out while looking in his direction so he probably thought you were staring at him. 

“Yeah?”

He gives you a once over and goes back to his tapping on the screen. “Nothing, just checking you were still breathing.”

“I am.” you confirm, taking a deep breath in and exhaling. “See?” 

“Yeha.” Nicholas barely responds because he seems to have made progress on the inquiry. “And done. We should hear from them soon.” he smiles, pretty proud of himself. 

“Cool. Now we just have to somehow pack up our lives and smush them together in one place.” you say. 

“Don’t stress, it’ll be fine.” Nicholas says dismissively, getting back to his meal. 

“Let’s hope so.” you mumble and do the same. 

You had lived by yourself for a little while now, so living with someone else again all of a sudden was going to be a bit of shock to your system. 

The two of you had agreed to have your own rooms and your own space within the apartment, essentially cohabiting like roommates because nowhere did it say in any document you actually had to sleep in the same bed like a married couple would. 

You were married legally and in name only, as far as you were concerned. 

You drew up rules to keep the peace, basic things like keeping it clean, respecting each other’s space, and minding your own business, but you weren’t too worried about it. You were a great roommate, even if you did say so yourself.  

The apartment was secured over the weekend and you were free to move in from the following Thursday onwards. 

Several days later, your apartment was all packed up except for the bare minimum living essentials, which would come with you later. You helped the movers put your stuff in their van, telling them that they’ll meet your husband at the apartment while you hung back and sorted things out there. 

It’s sluggish to put the last few items in a box and double check your suitcase. You get a text from Nicholas that the movers have finished and are away already and you realise you’re moving slowly subconsciously; you didn’t want to leave yet.

You didn’t want to accept that you weren’t going to be the way you were any more. 

There was an echo of your footsteps that resonated through your now empty apartment, the space far too barren for your liking. In some ways you were glad, because you’d been able to negotiate which of your furniture you would keep and which you had to sell on since you had no need for it. 

Your precious couch and coffee table had survived and you were taking it with you, whereas Nicholas was bringing the dining table and chairs from his place with your somewhat enthusiastic approval. (The dining table was tastefully furniture to die for.) Your bedroom stuff had survived for the most part since you weren’t going to share any of it, but apart from that, you had to sell several things. 

You looked over your shoulder one last time at what used to be your place, before closing the door with a quiet click for the last time. It felt solemn; like the end of an era, so of course you were feeling a little sentimental. 

The drive to your new apartment was marred by heavy rain pouring down, the forecast for sunny clear skies completely wrong, so you drove slowly, putting on a sad ballad to match the mood. You were going to miss that place; it was somewhere you’d learned a lot about yourself, had your real taste of independence in and one that you cherished a lot. 

You get to your new front door, apartment 520* mounted in pretty gold letters against the dark emerald lacquer of the door. 

It felt like a betrayal when you entered the passcode for the first time and opened the door.

“Surprise!” you heard a yell as soon as stepped into the hallway. You jump slightly, suddenly snapped out of your thoughts. “Hey, roomie!” 

Nicholas was standing there grinning, all alone, blowing one of those annoyingly brightly coloured party blowers. The noise scratched a very specific part of your brain, and not in a good way. You moved to shove your shoes off.  

“Not exactly a surprise since we agreed to live here together, but okay.” you say shrugging and drag your suitcase into the corridor. 

“I guess,” Nicholas says. “but I just wanted to get one of these.” he holds up the party blower. 

“Great.” you move past him and look around for your furniture. You spot the stuff in your room and your couch is deposited randomly with your coffee table but what surprises you is that Nicholas’ stuff isn’t here yet. “Did something happen to the dining table, or?” you ask. 

“Ah,” he hums, thinking for a moment. “well, I’ve still got a few things to move since I was using Fuma’s van and it didn’t fit everything, so I sort of sacrificed the table. Sorry.” he finishes sheepishly. “Besides, isn’t it classic to eat on the floor the first night you move in somewhere new?” 

“It doesn’t matter if it’s a thing or not, I guess we’re doing it on the floor.” you say. 

“Huh?” Nicholas seems startled for a moment. “Doing what?” 

“Eating, duh.” you say. You wonder why that would have confused him; surely he wasn’t thinking you two were going to- oh my god, did he? No, you were just tired and imagining stupid things. You shake your head, “Whatever. I’m ordering. What do you want to eat?” 

And so you did eat on the floor on your first night in your new apartment, ignoring the perfectly good couch and sitting on a random blanket like an indoor picnic. 

It wasn’t all bad but there was a certain awkwardness being there, a little like the first time you’d met Nicholas. You just hoped you could get used to the apartment like you were getting used to him. 

* 

“No. I simply refuse.” you state as you stir your morning coffee. Nicholas sighs deeply, hunching over the kitchen counter. 

“But it’s a really good deal! We should go.” he argues. Instead of a debater, he sounds more like a kid trying to convince their parents to do something. You shook your head.

“I have things to do, you go if you really want to.” you say. Nicholas looks dubious - it’s the first time you’ve seen that expression on his face. 

“Mrs Wang-” you’re about to interject at the name calling but he doesn’t let you. “did you just tell me- your husband- to go on our honeymoon alone?” he asks, scepticism rising with every syllable. 

“You’re right. That sounds pathetic.” you concede. “Go with your friends. Make it a dude-bro-cation. Take Jo and Euijoo and…” you think hard, trying to remember names. “Fuma!” you snap your fingers, having remembered another one of Nicholas’ friends. 

“Don’t hurt yourself if you don’t know.” he says sarcastically.

“Hey! I met them one time,” you can’t help the defensive pout that you feel like came out. “and you have a lot of friends.” you mutter. 

“Not the point, YN. I’m not going without you.” Nicholas says. “This is practically a direct order from management, a.k.a the parents! And they’re offering to pay for everything.”

You sip your coffee, thinking. 

Your parents had dropped this bomb on you last night, telling you to go on a honeymoon while you were having dinner at your parents’ house. Both sides offered to pay for everything like they did with the wedding and call it a honeymoon for the two of you. 

It sounded fair enough.

You just didn’t feel like going though.     

You could go on vacation whenever you wanted to - you made enough money by yourself that you could splurge - but going now and officially calling it a honeymoon? It felt silly, like the cherry on top of this whole crazy arranged marriage business. 

“It’s just a vacation, why make it sound so - I don’t know.” you think out loud. 

“YN, please don’t make me beg you.” Nicholas’ shoulders slumped. “It’s a free vacation, for crying out loud! Who says no to that?” 

I would, you thought. You didn’t know what the situation in Nicholas’ office was, but in your office, department, part of hell, whatever you wanted to call it, you had to stick around if you didn’t want to be left behind or get your ass grilled by everyone else. 

You were already scrutinised enough for being the boss’ kid, but disappearing to go on a holiday with your husband just when the merger was really getting underway? You would get roasted con fuoco.

“You know what, I will beg,” Nicholas resolves, getting up. “I’m getting on my knees, I’m not above begging.” he announces before sliding off his slippers. It’s almost comical and you think he’s joking but he starts to bend down.

“Okay!” you exclaim, putting a stop to his buffoonery. “We’ll go on our stupid honeymoon.” 

You decided that whatever happened at work was better than having to hear him begging and bugging you about going until you agreed.

“That’s more like it.” he stands up straight, grinning. “I’m no fancy lawyer, but I know how to win in these situations.”

“You sure do, but do you ever think you’ll win your dignity back?” you say to him before leaving for your room. You leave him gapping after you in your kitchen.

“Who needs dignity? I’m going on vacation!” Nicholas calls after you, just before you close the door. 

*

The PA system crackles overhead and you fasten your seatbelt, getting ready for takeoff. 

Nicholas sits besides you, neck pillow already in place, as well as a fuzzy wolf sleeping mask placed over his forehead, the image of a travel diva personified in your husband. Of course he would be so extra for like a three hour flight.

You ignored him while you got comfy, pulling on your cardigan when they started to blast the AC down on you. 

“So, how remote is this island anyway?” Nicholas asks, sending one last text before switching his pone to flight mode. You pause to remember details on what you’d read. 

“Hmm, I’d say a lot. Something about limited signal and wifi.” you answer, shrugging. You’d fought tooth and nail about where you were going on vacation- no, honeymoon- and you’d compromised on the island since it had a beach, which is one thing you both wanted. 

Suddenly the air around you swishes. Nicholas whips around to look at you, desperate. 

“Are you sure about that?” he says with all but the zest of John Cena’s original delivery.

“Yes,” you say, silently edging away from him. “there’s this thing called ‘research’, ever heard of it?”

“Don’t patronise me.” Nicholas pouts, sitting back. You crack a smile.

“Ooh, big word for wittle Nichowas.” you chuckle, starting to think this vacation might actually be a good idea. You were going to watch your city-boy husband practically lose his mind in the jungle; it was going to be great. 

“Can’t you speak nicely?”

“No.” you say. 

“You are so incredibly frigid.” he shoots back. 

“Aha, I was born this way.” you take the opportunity to reach a quick hand and pull the fuzzy sleeping mask over his nose and mouth, snapping it lightly. He splutters slightly as he fights the wolf off his face. 

“Do you have a sarcastic reply to everything?” he huffs, putting the mask back in its place before you decided to redecorate his accessories. 

“Probably. Guess we’ll find out.” you hum, reaching into your pocket for chewing gum. You take a piece out then offer the pack to Nicholas, who also takes a piece in the most begrudging way. You smile to yourself, chewing as the plane takes off. 

This was going to be interesting.

*

Upon arriving, you felt two things: 

Firstly, the sweet smell of not answering work emails for ten days, and secondly, the colossal, mind-melting, soul-snatching humidity. It was horrific. As if you could practically taste it if you stuck your tongue out (you didn’t, though it crossed your mind).

You’d shed your cardigan, stuffing it into your carry-on bag and Nicholas had unbuttoned one more of his shirt’s top buttons. 

You make it out of the tiny airport, if you could call it that and not a helipad, and follow the signs to the shuttle bus that would take you to resort where your hotel was. 

After getting off the bus, your clothes sticking to your skin from the heat, you finally see the hotel up a short path. There was a lot of what you presumed was jungle or rainforest just outside the resort and it loomed majestically overhead behind the light chainlink fence that seemed to be placed there just for the thought of having it. 

“I could totally run away and live off the land, Robinson Crusoe style.” You muttered to yourself.

“What?”

“Intrusive thought. Nevermind.” you snapped out of it, continuing to walk. 

“Oh god,” Nicholas groaned miserably. “this island is literally in the middle of ass fuck nowhere!” 

You didn’t know what he was whining about, you’d both picked this place. “Your point?”

“We’re completely marooned - there’s like no signal, no wifi…” he complains while hoisting his phone up in the air as if it was the Lion King. 

“Don’t tell me you were actually planning on spending your vacation just watching TV in your room all day?” you throw a semi-judgmental glance at your husband over your shoulder. 

Nicholas pockets his phone silently and adjusts his shirt slightly from sticking to his body. You side-eye a couple of girlies that walk past you and gawk at Nicholas, obviously staring at the way the white fabric outlined the defined lines of his torso. You ignore the image and bulldoze forward to the hotel’s entrance.  

“Well, not all day, but now I can’t do it at all.” he says, disappointment evident in his voice. 

“Boo-hoo, the whole point of vacation is to chill. You can still do that perfectly fine.” you point out.      

“I like chilling,” he huffs. “Netflix and chilling, but now there’s no Netflix. Do you not see this may be the end of humanity as we know it?” he asks dramatically, eyes wider than a conspiracy theorist’s. 

“Hmm, not quite the crisis you imagine.” you reply. “Fortunately, there are these magical things - books - which have survived many millennia, and they seemed to have worked just fine for our ancestors.” 

“So what I’m hearing is, our vacation is, in fact, doomed.” Nicholas states as you walk into the hotel lobby, breathing in that delicious, stale air-conditioned air. You stop to bask in its coolness, breathing out in relief.    

“Your vacation,” you correct. “I’ll be paying my respects to my ancestors by reading.” 

“Ugh, well we can’t stay here. What are we going to do for ten days?” Nicholas asks. You wonder if he even heard what you said, but in his current state, you somehow doubted it. 

“You got a better idea?” you raise your eyebrows.

“I’ll build a raft, we can swim off the island.” he suggests. You’re about to lay down the most sarcastic, hard line of the century but the sound of thunder rumbling stops you. 

It was the loudest rumble you’d ever heard in your life and you suspected the lightning that preceded it might have struck not even several meters out of the door you’d momentarily walked through. The thought almost made you faint. 

“If you walk out of that door, Nicholas, so help me god.” you warn, wheeling your suitcase further into the building and away from the windows. 

“Noted.” he replies sheepishly, following your lead away from the windows, almost scrambling after you.  

Needless to say, it starts pouring torrential rain after that and while you check in, you can see the rain drops hammering violently on the window panes behind the concierge desk.

The lady there hands you a small card holder, telling you the keys are inside and you can’t really hear much else of what she says to you but it sounds like the standard if-you-need-anything-ring-the-phone mumbo jumbo so you thank her and go.

Little did you know, she’d warned you.   

You get up to the correct floor in search of your rooms, looking around while you navigate the soft-carpeted hallways. 

“One four three.” you mumble, trying to find the right number. You stop at the end of a corridor and take out the key card. You buzz the door open and push it forward. “Wait a minute-” you walk in several steps and circle back, thinking you’re losing your mind. 

“What is it?” Nicholas walks in, relaxed pulling in both of your suitcases. 

“I think there must be a mistake,” you say. “The suite only has one room. I thought we’d asked for two?” 

“Really?” Nicholas takes a few steps in, sweeping his eyes over the place and sure enough there is only one room. “That’s weird. Let me check with Jun-ge, he’s the one that booked our honeymoon.” Nicholas fumbles around with his phone for a bit, trying to find a signal for a minute. 

You vaguely remembered meeting Jun at your wedding; he was one of Nicholas’ big bro types at the company but you had no idea if he’d known about your marriage being arranged or not. 

Nicholas finally gets the phone to ring and the line crackles when it’s picked up on the other end. 

“Hello?” you hear Jun answer when Nicholas puts the phone on speaker. “Nicho, what’s up?”

“Hey, Jun-ge, quick question, do you remember booking our honeymoon suite?” he asks tentatively. 

“Yeah, is something wrong?” 

“Well, uh, we got here and it’s got just the one room, didn’t I put a note to find two rooms?” 

“You wrote ‘honeymoon suite’ and that’s what I got.” Jun replies, obviously not sensing that that was what was wrong with the whole situation. 

“Yes, Jun-ge, but I also wrote two rooms on the note, right?” 

“Dude, two-room honeymoon suites don’t exist.” you can hear Jun chuckling on the other end of the line. You were starting to regret not booking the rooms yourself. 

“Oh.” Nicholas says dumbly. “Okay, that’s cool, thanks Jun-ge.”

“Alright, kid, don’t have too much fun!” Jun laughs before hanging up. You look at Nicholas, attempting to hold your glare but you reckon it slips out regardless. 

“You wrote what in the note?” you ask, voice steadily quiet. 

“Two rooms.” Nicholas avoids your eyes and scratches the back of his neck, with the guiltiest look on his face.

“‘Honeymoon suite’!” you state, jogging his memory. “You couldn’t just leave that out, could you?” 

“Yeah, my bad.” Nicholas admits. 

“Right, well,” you walk into the actual bedroom part. There’s a super king sized bed that takes up most of the room, and it looks very comfortable. “I’ll gladiator fight you for the bed.” 

“That’s not very civilised of you, YN.” he muses. “Rock, paper, scissors-” Nicholas thinks he can take you by surprise, yelling out RPS unexpectedly, but you throw out your hand as a reflex,

“Shoot!” you finish, giving him a paper to his rock. He groans at the loss. 

“Best of three!” 

You roll your eyes before playing again, throwing out scissors this time intuitively. Nicholas threw paper and then sunk to the ground.

“Hah!” you grinned at your victory. “You should have taken your chances in a fight, but I think I would have won that too.” you shrug, faux sympathy coating your voice. Karma’s a bitch, but so were you. “Enjoy sleeping in the bath.”

“Bath?” Nicholas snaps up and runs off to check. 

Indeed, there was no couch in the suite, only a dinning room set up in the small living space, complete with a TV mounted to the wall and a grand bathroom that separated from the master bedroom. Besides a generously spacious shower cabin, there is a huge white bath in the middle of the bathroom, practically the size of a jacuzzi and though giant by nature, Nicholas would probably fit in it. 

He comes back to find you getting comfortable sitting on the bed, legs crossed gloatfully as you watched your husband lose his mind and it was only day one. 

“Fine. Be cruel. I’m fine. It’s fine.” he says, sounding less than convinced. 

“Is it though?” you smirk, loving the way he’s trying to stomach the loss but failing. 

“Yes. Totally. Fine.”

You don’t press it further but lie back on the bed, letting the mattress swallow you up. Vacation wasn’t so bad after all. You might not have Netflix, but you had a personal drama king right in front of you.  

You didn’t get to do anything for the rest of the day since it was storming outside but you had dinner down at the restaurant and eventually went to bed, or in Nicholas’ case, to the bath.

The next morning, you wake up naturally, blissfully rested and stretch with all the grace of a cat. You slept like a rock on this gorgeous bed and you really had to thank Jun for booking this particular room. 

You get up, quietly, and pad over to the bathroom, the door still closed. You pause, then knock on lightly. “Nicholas?” you ask. 

There’s a sleepy groan on the other side of the door, and then a thud. You panic for a second.

“Hey, I’m coming in!” you warn and work the handle. You find Nicholas in the bath in his pyjamas, blanket half-thrown off and the pillow lying on the floor. That explains the thud. “You okay?”

“Hmm,” he grunts, eyes still closed. He shuffles slightly, pulling the blanket and curling up on his side. 

“Alright, well, good morning to you too.” you mutter and leave. 

A while later, a disheveled Nicholas emerges from the bathroom. It must have been the smell of coffee that got him moving because you’re about to drink your first and hopefully only cup of the day. 

“About time, Sleeping Beauty.” you glance at him. You note he most certainly is not a happy ducky in the morning; there’s a deep frown on his face and his posture is giving an uncanny resemblance to a deflated balloon animal. 

“Hmm.” he responds with another grunt. You weren’t sure when exactly, but some time between last night and this morning, your husband seems to have been replaced with a cave man. The two of you hadn’t crossed paths too often in the mornings, so it was kind of news to you to see him like this.  

You sigh and put your coffee down, getting up to go to the pot and pour him a cup. Nicholas sits down stiffly in the opposite chair and you deposit it in front of him. Instead of trying to make conversation with a prehistoric species, you go back to your book, but you see he drinks the coffee. 

Twenty minutes later, you swap the location and find yourselves downstairs having a late breakfast (you refused to call it brunch), munching on whatever to start your day. 

Nicholas looks more like himself now, but you can sense the obvious discomfort from the way he keeps trying to massage his neck and shoulders discreetly, or stretches to try and work the muscle there. He’s wearing a loose fitting, linen button up and every move seems to expose a lot of skin but while you’re trying to ignore it, it doesn’t mean everyone else is. 

People who are sitting at the neighbouring table are throwing occasional slightly suspicious glances. There are some not so discreet wives checking your husband out and not minding their own and even some pretty waitresses smiling as they pass by. You roll your eyes as one in particular can’t seem to look away as she brings you a plate of fruit.

“What?” Nicholas notices that you’re making a face. He himself seems to be oblivious on the other hand. 

“Nothing. Eat your strawberries.” you say quickly, keeping a poker face. You could almost see the smug look that would appear on his face if you told him people were checking him out, so you stayed quiet.

“Right.” 

Back upstairs, Nicholas perches on the vanity table on one side of the room while you rummage around in your suitcase looking for some clothes. You’re aware of how he’s shifting awkwardly and you stop and turn to him. 

“I’m listening.” you state. Nicholas doesn’t say anything for a moment, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek and then the other side. 

“Please can I sleep in the bed?” he asks finally. 

“Hey, you lost fair and square.” you go back to looking for your swimsuit. Nicholas tilts his head.

“I’m not hearing a ‘no’.” he hums. 

“No.” you say for good measure. “Happy?” 

“Not at all.” he replies. You think he’s going to give it a rest but then a second later he speaks again. “Fine, if I have to sleep in the bath, then give me a massage.” 

“Why me?” 

“Because you’re here.” he says like it’s obvious. “Ooh, better yet, buy me medicine and rub it on my shoulders.” he smiles, hopeful. You knew what he was doing but despite that, it was working. 

You scrunch your forehead, the idea less than appealing to you. You look from Nicholas to the bed, then to Nicholas again, weighing it up in your head. The bed was big enough, you were just going to have to stay on one side. You didn’t want to cause permanent damage after all. (It might scar you for life to massage medicine over his shoulders. And you guess it could do something to his posture or whatever.) 

“Ugh,” you spit out. “alright. You can sleep on one side of the bed.” you specified. “I’m not giving you the whole thing.” 

“Pleasure negotiating with you, Mrs Wang.” Nicholas grins and disappears before you can tell him off for the name calling. 

You get dressed, slipping on your one piece swimsuit and throwing on some shorts, and take your book down to the pool. The weather had cleared up completely compared to yesterday’s torrential downpour and the sun is shining brightly. The pool itself is located in a slightly more sheltered area and it doesn’t look like there was any damage from the rain.

You smile to yourself and find a nice lounge chair to camp out at. You adjust your sunglasses and open your book again to continue where you’d left off. 

“Are your ancestors proud of you yet?” you hear a voice ask before you feel a weight settle near your legs on the lounge chair. You don’t look up at Nicholas, before replying. 

“I don’t know, maybe you should go ask them.” you retort. 

“Oh, I will,” he says. “in like hopefully seventy to eighty years.”

You hum in response, not particularly feeling like playing along right now. Nicholas shuffles about, and you finally look up. 

Big mistake. 

You find him unbuttoning his shirt and shrugging it off his frame. You blinked twice, trying to tear your eyes away from him. 

“Look after this, please.” he says after a moment, indicating to his discarded shirt. It lay half folded next to your bare leg. 

“Sure.” you mumbled. You watched as he threw you an acknowledging half smile and got up. You couldn’t help yourself for a moment; you stared after him. 

It was ground breaking actually. 

You’d not really given it much thought since your predicament was rather serious - life sentence married to a man you didn’t love and all that - but you had eyes and you noticed that your new husband was actually quite hot. 

Who would have thought? 

You clocked the well rounded muscle of his shoulders and back and his toned biceps, and though you avoided really looking (as in, you didn’t pull your shades down), the modest set of abs that graced his torso.

“How novel.” you observed out loud then went back to your book. You didn’t need to ogle at your husband; you weren’t a horny teenager any more. Moreover, this information changed nothing in your life whatsoever. You were still shackled together and sinking to the bottom of the ocean.  

You hear your name being called some time later.

Putting your bookmark in place, you look up to find Nicholas resting on the edge of the pool, his arms crossed and chin resting on top. 

“Yes?” you inquire, taking off your sunglasses to see him better. 

“Can you help me get out?” he asks, looking a little shifty, glancing side to side but there’s no one in your immediate vicinity. Just some people down the other end. You figured it was probably lunch time so it was quiet. 

“Huh?” you’re confused at the request. 

“It’s the deep end. I’m tall, but I’m not that tall.” he admits sheepishly. You guess he must be embarrassed to ask you for help. 

What doesn’t cross your mind is why a) he didn’t go to a shallower part of the pool, b) he didn’t cross to the opposite side and use the ladder!, or c) someone of his stature would struggle getting out of a pool. 

You get up and walk to the edge, extending a hand to him. Nicholas takes your hand in his wet one and you start to pull. 

Except you’re pulling but it’s not working. In fact, the world is suddenly tilting and you’re diving head first into the pool, gravity and Nicholas taking you in with him. You would have yelped but you close your mouth on instinct as you go down so you don’t get a mouthful of water.

The coolness of the water engulfs you suddenly and you struggle to orientate your way up to the surface again. You break through with an angry gasp for air. 

“Wang Yixiang!” you sputter loudly, venom filling up your veins. You hear his laugh somewhere nearby and you wipe your eyes, trying to locate him. He’s a foot away, also drenched, wet hair hanging in his face but smiling widely.

“Here, Sergeant!” he gives you a silly salute and you start toward him, eyes full of vengeance.

“Come back,” you demand after he starts swimming away from you. 

He’s not particularly fast and you manage to grab his hand and yank him back toward you. There’s a lot of water resistance but you’re adrenalised to you manage to get him to change direction. 

“Hey, c’mon, don’t be mad.” he says, well aware that today might be his last day as an alive person. You ignore him and do your best to try and dunk him. It doesn’t really work because he uses your strength against you and the two of you just spin around. You’re off balance and trying to just tread water even though here Nicholas could stand up, which was quite unfair. He stills suddenly. “Oh my god, look!” 

“Not falling for that one, dude,” you say, thinking he was trying to distract you from trying to dunk him. 

“No, really, two o’clock, it’s that man, uh, what did he do again?” Nicholas wracks his brain for a moment. 

“My two o’clock or yours?” you realise he’s being serious and you think to check. 

“Yours. The man with the moustache, we met him at the wedding.” You think back and try to place the description. You’re floating so you manoeuvre around to be able to glance in the right direction.

Sure enough you spot the person Nicholas was talking about. You saw him but he hadn’t spotted you yet.  

“Shit, it’s the tyre guy.” you say. 

“Right, that’s the one.” Nicholas agrees, as if the answer is now clear to him. 

“You had no idea who that man was, did you?” you ask.

“Not a clue,” he admits. “I was grasping at straws. He seemed familiar.” And you realise that it had worked. 

Yet, also it was that man; what was he doing here? Was he on vacation too? From what you remembered he was some business partner on your parents’ side. Your father had introduced you once before and then once at the wedding. 

You freeze, forgetting to tread water. 

Nicholas seems to notice you stop moving and grabs your waist, holding you up so you don’t start to sink. Your hands come up between you as a buffer and slap gently against his chest but you ignore what’s going on in front of you, deep in thought. 

Why was he here of all places? Was it a coincidence? What were the odds of that happening? 

What if your parents had sent him here to spy on you? That was possible right? Surely they wouldn’t do that though, you’d agreed to go on the honeymoon, that was enough, wasn’t it?

Wasn’t it?

You close your eyes, feeling like your sanity was slipping away; it sounded like the type of thing they’d do. Just to make sure you were behaving. 

“Hey, YN, what’s wrong?” Nicholas squeezes your waist, trying to get your attention. You snap back to reality, seeing his concerned face a few inches away from your own. You hand’t noticed how close you were so you let go of Nicholas, breaking out of his grip gently. 

“Nothing,” you say as you swim toward the nearest ladder. 

You were definitely annoyed, your parents couldn’t just leave you alone, could them?

*          

After your early dinner, during which you constantly looked over your shoulder in case you spotted the tyre man, you go back to your room to continue reading. You hadn’t run into that man after all, but it was only a matter of time.  

Nicholas takes the opportunity to shower first after being in the pool, not that you were picky or going to fight him for it. 

The door of the bathroom opens some time later and he emerges with a towel around his head and one around his waist. You try to mind your own business but he’s rummaging around his own suitcase for ages, so damn loudly, might you add, humming and hawing at what to wear. 

You glare in his direction, but his back is to you, and all you see is the excess droplets on his skin snaking their way down his back-

“You having a good time there, Mrs Wang?” he turns around and catches you staring. Your eyes narrow at the name calling and you decide he does it to get a rise out of you, so you don’t give him the satisfaction.  

“I would have a better time if you had the capacity to make faster decisions.” you retort, looking down to your book as he straightens up. 

“No can do, you’d rather me wear clothes in bed, wouldn’t you?” he asks inquisitively. 

“If you dared do otherwise, you would find yourself in a very comfortable chair-” you pause. “in the lobby.” you finish curtly. 

Nicholas raises his hands innocently, giving you a quiet ‘okay’ before going back to the bathroom to get dressed. A minute later you hear the hair dryer come on and another minute he’s back to bug you. 

“Didn’t you finish that book yet?” he asks, trying to see the cover as he went past. 

“No, I started this one an hour ago.” you say. 

“What?” he stops in pure shock. “How many books did you bring?” he exclaims. 

“Ten.” you look up, giving him a tight lipped smile. “One for each day.”

Nicholas looks at you in awe, shaking his head. “YN, you really are something.” he says. “But this cannot be. Your eyes will glaze over, we’re watching TV, c’mon.” he prompts you to move over a little where you’re leaning against the headboard of the bed. 

You shuffle slightly to the right, but don’t let go of your book even as he grabs the remote and switches on the TV. It’s a decently sized flat screen mounted on the wall in front of you, adjacent to the small dinning table. 

Nicholas hops on the bed beside you, mimicking your stretched legs, crossed at the ankles. The noise starts to distract you only because he’s channel flipping for a minute before he settles on something. 

“Perfect.” he mumbles and puts the remote down. You glance up at the screen and see the film name. 

“Really?” you ask, closing your book with a loud smack. “You’re going to watch Cast Away while we are on a remote island on vacation?” 

“No,” he replies. “We’re going to watch Cast Away while we are on a remote island on our honeymoon.” 

“Yes, because that makes all the difference.” you mutter. You give in regardless since the movie keeps playing and you may as well pay attention. 

It’s kind of a long film but it’s not bad. You do at one moment overthink it and imagine what you’d do if you were in the same situation - you were halfway there anyway on this island - but you stop yourself because that kind of thinking was not a good idea. It would scare you unnecessarily. 

It gets to the part where Tom Hanks is trying to get off the island on his raft and loses his beloved friend, the volleyball. You watch as he yells, trying to stay afloat. It made you a little emotional and you look away for a moment only to notice Nicholas is watching intently, his own eyes glassy and lips tight. 

It fascinates you for a moment to see him like that since it was a wholly new side to him but you will yourself to look away, reaching to the bedside and pulling a tissue out of the box, handing it wordlessly to your husband. 

“Thanks.” he says under his breath and you hum just as quietly.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just thinking about the wifi signal.” he sniffles. “I miss it so much.” he admits, raising a fist to his mouth. You nod, as if understanding, when in reality you’d basically popped the champagne when you found out there was no wifi.   

After the film finishes, it’s starting to get late so you pop off for a quick shower, wanting to get the chlorine off your body before sleeping. 

You brush your teeth and put on a t-shirt and sleeping shorts and get to bed. Nicholas joins you after brushing his teeth and turning off the big light. 

“Right,” you say, getting Nicholas’ attention. “Here is a line, it’s invisible but it exists, so stick to your side of the bed, please and thank you.”

“No problem. You won’t even know I’m here.” he nods obediently. “So shall we get to bed, Mrs Wang?”

You stop fluffing your pillow at his silly question and turn to give him a stink face. 

“You’re never going to stop calling me that, are you?” you ask. 

“Nope, not until death do us part.” he shows you a toothy grin. 

It suddenly occurs to you that while you had shared your reasoning for giving into the marriage, Nicholas so far hadn’t really commented on the topic. You frown. Why hadn’t he mentioned that yet?

“That’s weird.” you say, continuing on your train of thought.

“Not really, it’s pretty standard for marriages.” 

“No, not that.” you shake your head. Starting to overthink it.  

“What then?” Nicholas asks as he lies down on his side. 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice there must be something in it for you to agree to this union.” you say sceptically. 

“Pfft. Union. You make it sound so formal.” he replies sarcastically. You notice he isn’t offering any insights.  

“Well, we are legally bound together, unfortunately. I suppose it’s serious.” you reason.

“Yeah, so serious. Like donkeys pulling on a cart.”

“Don’t change the subject.” you quip. “I don’t know what it is you want, but I will find out and hold it over your head like a guillotine.” you warn, annoyed at the sudden suspicious toward the man now in your bed. 

Was this a defence mechanism - getting suspicious as soon as someone got close to you? 

“Can’t wait, ma cherie*. I hope your revolution works out.” Nicholas sighs, turning off the lamp on his side. 

“Impeccable attempt at humour, mon ange*.” you roll your eyes before reaching to your bedside lamp. “And by the way, donkeys pull their own damn carts.” you say, flipping the switch and turning your back to him. 

You fall asleep faster than you expected but it certainly has its drawbacks. 

For one, every once in a while you wake up because Nicholas has somehow managed to roll to your side of the bed and is hogging your area with his giantness, limbs splaying all over you, waking you up. 

You manage to shoulder him off you gently, using your strength to roll him back to his side and it seems he’s a heavy sleeper because he doesn’t wake when you end up pushing him away with your knees. 

You go back to sleep, satisfied that he’s far away enough from you that you can sleep in peace, only to wake up the next morning feeling incredibly warm and suffocated. 

That’s because Mr You-Won’t-Even-Know-I’m-Here has a vice grip on you; one leg thrown over yours and one heavy arm thrown over your waist while his face is tucked into your hair, as if you were one of those long, huggable body pillows.

You open your eyes and reach for your phone to check the time. It was 9-ish so you decide that’s enough anyway. You were going to wake him up. 

“Nicholas?” you say, voice croaky. You shuffle slightly, managing to drop his leg off of yours but the arm stays around your waist. “Nicholas?” you try again, patting his bicep gently. This time he stirs slightly, a low hum rumbling in his chest. You feel the vibration on your back and think you’re making progress. 

It’s difficult but you shimmy out from under his loosened grip and sit up while he automatically rolls on his back, eyes still closed. 

“Unbelievable.” you shake your head, looking down at his sleeping figure, before getting up. He looks way too peaceful and it makes you a little mad. You make no effort to be quiet since he was still out cold and probably won’t wake up for ages so you get ready for the day, make some coffee and sit with your book. 

Some time later, your husband finally decides to open his eyes and you look in his direction when he sits up and stretches, yawning like a cat. 

“Ah,” he exhales gruffly. “this bed is dope, oh my god.” he comments. “Did you sleep well?” he asks nonchalantly. You send a death glare in his direction, making him shrink back slightly. 

“I would have,” you start through gritted teeth. “if you weren’t trying to strangle me.” 

“Huh?” he has the nerve to look genuinely confused. “Did I do something?” he asks, meek all of a sudden. 

“I don’t know if anyone has ever told you,” you get up, getting closer to the bed. “but you are a heinous koala when you sleep!” you say pointedly, before going into the bathroom to get some sunscreen out of your makeup bag. 

“Nuh-uh,” you hear Nicholas call out. He has the audacity to disagree. You’re back out in a split second, listening expectantly. “Apologise to koalas, that was uncalled for.” he finishes. You’re taken aback; you thought he’d call bullshit and say you’d imagined it. 

You huff but ultimately concede; the creatures had never done anything to you personally. “Sorry, koalas.” you mumble and sit in front of the vanity to apply sunscreen on your face.

“Listen, I’m sorry,” Nicholas says, getting up. “I know I’m practically an ogre in the mornings, but I can’t help it.”  

“At least you’re self-aware.” you reply. “I’ll tolerate it for eight more days, but you’re on thin ice.” 

“Alright.” he says, closing the bathroom door. 

*

The next few days, the weather improves significantly and the two of you end up going to the beach or chilling by the pool. You even go to do this snorkelling lesson with an instructor and swim near some coral reefs, enjoying the beautiful crystal clear ocean. 

You also end up going to a spa for some random treatments out of boredom and a massage, which you weren’t too hot on but Nicholas begged you to join him since he didn’t want to go alone. (That and he said that you wouldn’t go because you were comfortable being a tense control freak. So of course you had to prove him wrong by sticking around. It was worth it.)

Another day you end up going out in a boat and fishing with some other guests at the resort. You had to admit, you were definitely having fun despite not having wanted to even go on vacation. Going fishing wasn’t something you’d ever thought about doing, yet here you were.

It’s then that you run into the tyre man for the first time. 

Fishing; you should have known that’s where you’d meet the middle aged businessman.

“Mrs Wang!” you hear a hearty voice greet you when he spots you. You almost grimace - you wished you’d told people to keep calling you by your own family name. Nicholas seems slightly startled next you while he holds his fishing rod. 

“Hi, Mr Lee, what a surprise!” you say, lying shamelessly. You’d been expecting to bump into him before he left. “How are you doing?” 

The man stops next to your spot at the rail of the boat, his own rod in hand and some bait in a bowl in the other. A woman joins him and you remember that’s his wife, whom you’d also met at the wedding. You greet her politely too. 

“Ah, well, we’re just out for some relaxation. You know how it is, can’t be cooped up in the office all the time.” Mr Lee replies. He doesn’t seem suspicious and you sense it could be possible that this was a coincidence and not a conspiracy. But you intuition doesn’t let up.  

“Right, of course.” you nod along. “We’re just here on our honeymoon.” you say, nudging Nicholas beside you. 

“Aha, really wanted to spend this special time in a special place.” he adds smoothly. 

“As well, you should. You’re young and in love, you shouldn’t waste away in an office.” he commends you. Was he testing you? Why mention love at all? What did he know?  

“Very true.” you say. “So, how long are you staying?” you ask casually.

“Oh, um, until Thursday.” he says, and you latch onto the slight air of awkwardness when he says that. You were staying until Friday, which was a little too close to your liking. “We really like it here but there’s no place like home, right?”

“Indeed,” you smile artificially. “Well, we should let you go. Enjoy the rest of your trip, we’ll see you back at home, Mr Lee. Mrs Lee.” you say politely, greeting each of them in turn. 

“Yes, thank you, we will. Y’know, there is a special event being held by the hotel on Wednesday, you should come along.” Mr Lee says. You wonder for a moment if that was bait. If it was then you were going to make him think he could hook, line and sink you. 

“Oh really?” you say, exaggeratedly fascinated. “Well, I guess we’ll have to think about it. No promises though; you know how hard it is to leave the bedroom on your honeymoon.” you drawled with a straight face. 

You hoped he would give that direct quote to your parents and make them as flustered as he looked right now. 

“Right, see you.” 

And with that you exchange some more polite nods, and separate, the Lees terrorised and Nicholas wide eyed to your left as he cast out his fishing rod.

“YN, I gotta hand it to you, you’re really scary sometimes.” he says so only you can hear him. 

“Only sometimes?” you reply, putting the bait on your line. “Guess I should work harder then.”

“Remind me to not get on your bad side again.” he says. 

“Oh buddy,” you sigh. “after using me as a body pillow, you have a reserved spot and VIP access.”

*

The next couple of days, the humidity is unbearable and if it isn’t, then it’s the heat. 

You’d been trying to sleep, but it was just too damn hot and the air con wasn’t doing much to help it. You’d shed any blankets and just had sheets instead, but even those got thrown off. 

Eventually Nicholas pokes you hesitantly in the middle of the night.

“You sleeping?” he whispers. You shift, then answer. 

“I was trying to.” you reply. 

“YN, it’s really hot, can we take off our clothes?” he asks. Perhaps the question would have flustered you if you weren’t completely baking right now. You don’t open your eyes but you nod.

“Yeah, I don’t want either of us passing out from excessive heat.” you agree and shrug off your shorts but realise that you needed to get up and put on a bra or cami since there was nothing under your t-shirt. “Damn it.” you mutter and get up, in search of something to wear. 

You settle on a thin camisole and hop back into bed. Nicholas has shed his shorts and shirt and is lying, just staring at the ceiling in his underwear, his hands behind his head. You don’t let your eyes linger, mostly because they’re too tired and you want to close them again. 

You read the clock on your phone, finding it was just past 4 in the morning. You sigh and lie back down.

Neither of you seems to be able to fall asleep again, the dawn light getting more intense past your curtains. 

“You awake?” Nicholas asks, shifting slightly. 

“Yeah.” you say, turning to face him. You spot the silver chain around his neck and the way it reflects the early morning light.

“What if we’re married for a long time?” he asks in the darkness. “Like for years?”

You wonder what sparked that thought. “We’ll just have to deal with it.” you reply. 

“Yeah, but eventually we’re going to start having needs.” Nicholas glances at you. “Like I’m going to want to sleep with someone and you’re going to want to sleep with someone. Then what? Do we sleep with other people? Do we sleep with each other? How do we get around that?”

The whole train of questions catches you off guard, however with even a second of consideration, you realise he’s raised a very valid concern. What would you do? It made you realise your marriage was more doomed than you’d thought. 

“You’re right. It’s a hard question that I don’t have the answer to.” you lament.

“Right,” he says, pausing for a while. “I guess, for me, I wouldn’t want to sleep with other people - I’d feel like I was cheating on you even if we agreed to go out and do that.”

“Really?” you’re genuinely surprised at the revelation. “You would feel like that even though you have no feelings for me?”

“Well yeah, we’re married and all that. And we’re friends right?”

You find yourself nodding in the darkness. “Yeah, I guess it wouldn’t feel nice to do that to a friend.”

“Would you sleep with someone else?” 

You take a moment to think. “Probably not. I’d keep thinking about you, waiting for me at home, in our house. I wouldn’t be able to do it.” you tell him honestly. 

It strikes you that this was possibly the deepest conversation you’d had so far, fittingly left for the middle of the night. 

“‘Our house’.” he repeats, tasting the words and letting them float up above you and into the early dawn gloom. 

“Strange, right?” you muse. 

“So, what are we concluding on the topic?” he asks, looking at you.

“The jury’s still out.” you shrug, unconvinced. 

“So diplomatic, Mrs Wang.” Nicholas laughs quietly.  

“Will you stop calling me that?” you yawn.

“Nah, it’s fun. You get so worked up about it.” he tells you. 

“So you like raising my blood pressure?” you inquire.

“Well, if we’re going to be married for years, I gotta find a way to entertain myself, don’t I?”

“You are a menace.” you state, no force behind your words. 

“Thank you. Right back at you.”

“Hah, I got news for you. This town is only big enough for one menace, and if it’s gonna be one of us damn it, it’s gonna be me.” you say stoically, but burst out laughing a split second later after hearing yourself back. You were feeling goofy; it was 4am. Nicholas finds it equally funny and laughs with you. 

It was then that you felt like you were finally comfortable around each other, at least enough to be staying up until morning, laughing about bullshit while lying around in your underwear.

Because that’s totally the sort of thing married friends did, right?

*

You wake up, barely conscious and notice your arm is slightly trapped. Then you realise why; you were tucked into Nicholas’ side, your head on his shoulder, hand on his bare chest, feeling his steady heartbeat under your fingers. It would have been a surprise and you would have scrambled off, but your limbs were too tired and too comfortable for any excessive movement.

Your eyes close again, and you let yourself drift off even though you had half the thought about what kind of dramatic reaction Nicholas might have to find you in that position after you’d given him a mouthful about being a koala. In your defence, it was his arm around you keeping you smushed together. 

The next time you wake up, you’re lying on your back, Nicholas still right next to you. You get up quietly, starting to get ready for the day. 

You’d agreed to go to that event thing the Lees had told you about because you’d mentioned to Nicholas that this could be some kind of ploy by your parents and you wanted to investigate. There was ice cream and booze so he didn’t need much convincing really. (Neither did you, if you were honest; you could use a bit of both).

Just as you’re putting the finishing touches of your makeup, Nicholas stirs and yawns loudly before sitting up. He spots you before the vanity, basically ready and checks the time. 

“Jeez, why didn’t you wake me?” he asks, swinging off the bed and hurrying to the bathroom.

“I’m sorry, did you just hear yourself?” you call out to him. “Wake? You up?” you cap your mascara and get up, walking over to lean on the bathroom doorframe, arms crossed. You see Nicholas scrambling about, large form folded over the tiny sink, to brush his teeth at a furious speed. “I would rather go wake an actual sleeping lion up.” 

“Fwine, bwut you clould at weast teth am aalarm.” he says through a mouthful of toothpaste.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with a response, dude.” you walk away, letting him struggle with the mint foam. 

When you get down to lunch (it was far too late to even attempt calling it brunch), you find that the event the Lees mentioned was going to start in just over an hour (it really was late thanks to your middle of the night joint existential crisis). 

After you finish eating, you make your way to the large garden of the hotel where the thing was going to take place. You were walking in blind pretty much, having no idea what on Earth was going on. 

There are at least ten or so tables set up and about twice as many guests, mostly couples by the look of it, seated within the area. There’s a small square mat or something of the sort in front of the tables, supposedly like a makeshift stage. Was this going to be some kind show? 

You spot the Lees just as promised at one of the tables and you start to look for another place to sit, but they notice you and call you over. 

“Shit,” you mutter, automatically reaching to your side to find Nicholas’ hand. 

“Double shit,” he says, taking your hand and lacing your fingers, and you look back at him. “look.” he motions to a poster propped up on an easel. 

You feel like you’re about to find some harder expletives when you read the words written in big bubble letters: 

COUPLES CONTEST 

“Oh my-” you can’t even finish the sentence.

You’d just walked into the adult version of those awkward middle school events that teachers would try to entertain students with.  

“We could still leave?” Nicholas suggests quietly. You want to agree but Mrs Lee is smiling from across the garden at you, sipping on her drink. 

“Too late.” you conclude and start walking to the half-filled table. 

“Well, you don’t know they’re spies for your parents.” Nicholas mumbles unhelpfully. “We might just hang out politely.” 

You reach the table and greet the Lees. You take a seat closest to Mrs Lee and Nicholas away from both of them. You felt like you were acting like protective buffer between him and them. 

“Oh YN, I just got off the phone with your mother-” Mrs Lee gushes to you immediately. “you remember we’re both part of that book club?” she says, as if it’s explanatory that she would be close to your mother. “Anyways, we were talking about how maybe you should join too, it might be fun. You could make friends with the other ladies there,” she suggests, “and between you and me,” she leans closer as if the men at the table can’t hear you. “it’s where we go to get away from our husbands, but shh!” 

You’re having a multitude of reactions under the surface (including searing rage towards your mother, wanting to sink into the ground out of awkwardness, and disappointed smugness that you were right that they were in cahoots with your parents) but you give her a polite chuckle and smile. 

You know she was just trying to be her version of friendly, for some reason that being recruiting you into some kind of married-women-who-don’t-want-to see-their-husbands exclusive club, so you don’t get too mad. 

“Well, I do like reading, but I think I think I like my husband more.” you reply, lightly rejecting the offer. You turn to look at Nicholas, giving him an ‘I-told-you-so’ face while he sighs contemplatively. You were also hung up on the fact that this woman called your mother more than you did, so who knows what other wack ideas she might have. 

“Darling, I don’t think Mrs Wang wants to go to that stuffy book club.” Mr Lee cuts in awkwardly. “Besides, these two are much younger than us, they should go on dates and enjoy themselves instead of boring themselves with books.” 

Oh boy, this was going to be a long afternoon. 

You had a lot to say but you weren’t going to utter a single syllable. Nicholas looks down helplessly, and you guess he’s trying to keep himself from laughing.  

Fortunately, at that pause in your conversation, you spotted two people walking up to the square ‘stage’. They looked like hotel employees, judging from their Hawaiian style shirts, one with a loud tiger print and the other with a large flower pattern. They were carrying microphones and tapped on them to check they were working. 

“Hello?” the flower guy said. His voice came out through the modest speakers set up on either side of the segregated area. He seems satisfied and so does his friend. “Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to our monthly couples contest!” he paused for a polite round of applause. “My name is Boo and I will be one of your MCs today.”

“And I’m Hoshi, your other MC this afternoon. We have a great few rounds of fun lined up for you and an exciting prize for the winning team.” the guy with the tiger print continues. 

“That’s right,” Boo says. “there are three games where each of our teams will compete head to head in an attempt to do the impossible - be the best couple!” 

“Firstly, if you take a look around, you will find our lovely assistant Dino coming around with some name tags; please take one and write your names on them.” Hoshi says. You did notice a guy in a regular employee shirt walking around and depositing said name tags on each table swiftly. 

“Alright, to start off, we have a game that will test your communication skills.” Boo announces. “The game is called ‘scream in silence’; here are the rules…”

You listen carefully as he explained it, even though you had seen this game played before. It was fairly simple so you thought you and Nicholas might do well at it. You just couldn’t believe you were trapped in a middle school dance on your honeymoon. 

“Okay, firstly, we’re going to need to split you up so that we can get through the game faster. Each of us will conduct a round and tally up the scores for you.” Hoshi takes over. Two of them split up the crowd into two and ask for the first teams to come to two chairs facing each other set up by Dino on each side of the area. 

You get split up from the Lees (thankfully) and end up sitting on Hoshi’s side of the garden. 

The game starts and you watch as one person out of the couple starts trying to mouth the correct word to the other as they both wear a pair of large noise cancelling headphones. It’s pretty fun since people are really awful at lipreading. 

You’re the third couple in your half of the crowd and you sit down in the opposite seat to Nicholas, the two of you putting on the headphones. It almost blows your mind how much you couldn’t hear through the headphones, and that was before Hoshi turned the music on. He held up the first word. 

“Lawn mower.” you said, trying your best to enunciate to Nicholas. His face immediately scrunches up, squinting at you from seven feet away. “Lawn mower!” you repeat. 

He mouths something that looks a lot like “Slower!” back to you and you shake your head, sure it was wrong. He tries again but you cut him off, starting to feel yourself becoming competitive. 

“La-wn mo-wer!” you try to break it down but he seems more confused. “Pass!” you shake your head. 

“Fishing.” you say as Hoshi shows you the next word. Nicholas blinks at you.

“Kissing?” he replies, frowning at the word. You weren’t sure how you managed to lip read it but you were sure that’s what he was saying. 

“No, fi-shing!” you attempt to break it down. “Fi-shing!” you were starting to get frustrated, your voice rising in decibels. “Fi-shing!” 

“Missing!” Nicholas tried again. You sighed.

“Pass!” you requested again. The next one was a phrase and it made you hesitate. “I love you.” you called out, just focusing on reading the phrase and not thinking about it. You felt so flustered saying it out loud, your face warming up and blood pressure rising. You didn’t think you’d ever actually say those words, especially not to your husband. 

Nicholas shook his head and shrugged. “I don’t know.” you think he said. You steeled yourself, growing frustrated again, mostly with the appearance of the phrase and the way it mocked your situation. 

“I love you.” you tried again, saying it louder this time, as if he would hear you.

“Above you?” Nicholas said. You looked up, rolling your eyes at his denseness. 

“I love you, you bastard!” you screamed out, lying aggressively, noticing that people in your group were pissing themselves with laughter. 

Nicholas paused for a moment, mouth slightly ajar as the cogs turned in his head. The eureka moment came finally and he clapped his hands together. That got your attention and you perked up expectantly. 

“I love you!” he yelled back. Hoshi gave you an approving sign, telling you you secured a point. 

“And the time is up!” Hoshi declared, raising a hand and doing a slicing action at his neck to let you know since you couldn’t really hear him. You were more than happy to take those humongous headphones off and return to your seat. “That’s one point for YN and Nicholas!” he says while there’s a scattered round of applause. 

You go sit down and try to ignore what just happened. Nicholas does too, watching the game ahead of you.

There’s only one other couple in your group that manages to score a point, one Hanbin and Hao, who were just as tragically terrible at the game but very cute while they played it.

“And that’s the first round over,” Boo announces. “Let us tally the scores - oh my! This was not your lucky day every one, but we do have two couples who scored and are therefore in the lead.”

“Don’t be discouraged everyone, it’s still all to play for.” Hoshi says. “The next game might be somewhat easier. It’s a game to test your couple chemistry; the peppero game!”

You sit there trying to discern what that actually constitutes. 

“What is the peppero game?” Nicholas whispers to you, just as confused. There seems to be an excited buzz around you though because apparently people know what that is or think they might do better at it than the other one. 

“Don’t look at me, I’m just a corporate lawyer.” you whisper back. You never thought that some random game may become your greatest intellectual obstacle. 

It’s when Boo calls up the first group and explains the rules that it sinks in. You watch as each couple takes a peppro stick snack and holds it between their lips, starting to munch on it from both sides, slowly making their way to meet in the middle. The objective is to have the smallest length of peppero stick remaining at the end.  

“So that’s the peppero game.” Nicholas says, dumbfounded. 

“You shouldn’t have asked dumb questions.” you scold him quietly. 

“I can’t help it sometimes, okay?” he hisses back.

Once the first group is finished and the MCs take measurements, they don’t disclose the results before calling the rest of the couples up. You and Nicholas reluctantly step up and face each other. Boo comes around and offers you the pack of peppero and you pick one out, holding it up. 

You have to get quite a bit closer to Nicholas and his hands comes up to rest on your shoulders to hold you in place as you bite on one end and offer him the other. Due to his struggles as a giant, Nicholas has to lean in a fair distance to make it work and you try your best to rise to your fullest height. 

“And begin!” Hoshi calls out, getting the game started. You take tiny bites of the snack, forced to stare at your husband up close because your eyes could go nowhere else. 

Your mouth focuses on not dropping the stick but your eyes focus on Nicholas; there’s the colour of his eyes, they way his eyelashes become more prominent when he blinks at you, and the way you can see your own reflection in his eyes as you get closer. 

Nicholas looks you straight in the eye, your noses just shy of touching and you accidentally bite down harder on the stick, severing it cleanly. 

“Ah,” you breathe, realising your mistake. “Sorry.” 

He lets go of you and takes the stick between his fingers, examining it. There was a lot left, at least 3cm or so. 

You wait for the rest of the couples to finish and hand in your pathetic peppero remnants to Hoshi, who immediately makes a face. 

“Oh guys,” he says then raises the mic. “well we know who definitely lost the game. Sorry, you two.” he smiles apologetically. 

“Now that everyone has had a go, we can reveal that there was actually a penalty for the losers.” Boo says, basking in the crowd’s laughter. 

“Oh lord, here we go.” you mutter. Before you can leave, Boo stops you.

“I’m afraid you’re staying, guys.” he says. “This game was supposed to check your couple chemistry and sadly you had a less than favourable result.”

“Since we don’t want to send you away feeling crappy about it, the penalty is simple and sweet; kiss and makeup for losing the game.” Hoshi tells you. 

You have a serious déjà vu back to your wedding where a crowd was watching the two of you kiss. It makes your stomach twist with eminent embarrassment. Not again, you think. 

“Oh come, don’t look so glum!” Hoshi continues. “Cheer up, let’s give them a hand everyone!” he encourages a round of applause but in your mind it gets worse. 

You’d avoided looking directly at Nicholas but you found him watching you expectantly and you turn to him, leaning in to initiate the kiss. The faster you did it, the better. He seems to catch on and leans to peck your lips half-way. Your mouths barely touch but you did it and smile in what you hope appears a natural way. 

You look out to the crowd, seeing they’re looking back at you awkwardly. Judgmentally even.  

“Now what was that?” Boo questions. “That might have been more pathetic than your peppero, you guys.” he taunts you gently. 

“Aren’t you newly weds?” Hoshi asks, surprisingly observant of the wedding rings on your fingers. “This is your honeymoon, you gotta have more passion than that!” he says excitedly, as if he was the one getting kissed. You glance at him, finding something in his eyes that may or may not suggest madness. You were also starting to think he might have a voyerism thing.  

“Hey, this is peer pressure!” Nicholas attempts, trying to get you out of the MCs grip. 

“It’s for your own good, bro, we’re trying to save your marriage.” Hoshi says to you, microphone not quite picking up all of that.  

“Just a quick kiss,” Boo pleads. “or we’ll feel like we failed you.” 

You can’t help but laugh at his logic. It’s clear that they’re just trying to have fun so you give in, stepping up to Nicholas again, who gives you a reassuring nod. 

You lean in again, eyes closing, willing yourself to tune everything out. One of his hands comes up to cup your cheek, holding you steady as your lips mold over his. You kiss your husband for the nth time; you were losing count but you were well aware that it was a finite number that you could count on your fingers. 

Ignoring everyone seems to help because you relax into the kiss and pull yourself closer to him intuitively, imagining you were back in that tunnel where you’d tried kissing the first time. It was hard to deny it, but Nicholas was a good kisser, whether he had been before you met or it was just that you’d practised together, and this kiss was no exception. 

It was good. 

Dizzyingly good. 

You pull away gently, feeling that you needed air, your heart beating faster than usual. The two of you look at each, unsure when you should really pull away. There’s a momentary silence and then a loud round of applause and you figure that’s a good cue to really separate and hurry back to your seats. 

“Wow, now that’s what you call a kiss!” Hoshi hollered, smiling widely. “Thank you for being good sports, and good luck on the next round.”

You wanted to call it irony. 

That’s what the strangest moments in life contained. You’d been pushed into an arranged marriage with a man you didn’t love, yet you had grown closer despite your circumstance, to the point where physical acts of affection were exchanged between you in public and you weren’t ready to die on the spot. 

So you did call it irony; the fact that you’d been so ready to resent Nicholas from day one but had become friends with him instead. Did friends kiss like that, you wondered. Married ones did, you supposed. 

There was a part of you that wished you didn’t feel the way you just did: as if you wanted to kiss him again. It was bothering you a little, a tiny voice in the back of your head, telling you that no matter what face you tried to pull and pretend to be angry that you’d had to kiss him, you were deep down glad you’d gotten to kiss him again. 

It felt like you were starting to develop a bad habit; the way one piece of chocolate sometimes becomes another, or one episode becomes three, and five more minutes of sleep becomes an hour. You made a note to avoid kissing him for a while, in case you started to spiral. 

It wasn’t a crime to want to kiss your husband but in your case, it could become dangerous.

For now, you told yourself it was probably just liking the physical intimacy that you’d been missing in your life and nothing more. Purely one of those pyramid needs things you’d read about.  

You can’t dwell on it too long because Boo announces the final game.

“We’ve tested your communication and your chemistry, now it’s time to test how well you know each other in a couple quiz!” 

“That’s right, this is simply a game of knowledge about your other half, shouldn’t be difficult, right everyone?” Hoshi chimes in. 

The thought occurs to you that you might be slightly disadvantaged this round since you’d met not that long ago but also weren’t a ‘real’ couple so to speak, but then you remembered the few basic notes you’d swapped between yourselves and change your mind - you might be better equipped than the other couples. 

Boo and Hoshi get each couple to write down five questions and their answers on a different piece of paper and invite each couple to do the quiz in front of everyone for fair judgment. 

You don’t need to tell Nicholas what kind of questions to write down because it was obvious - the stuff from the memos you’d shared. Was it cheating? You wouldn’t think so; technically nothing could have ever stopped other couples from doing the same thing as you. Besides, you were certain other people aimed for questions they were certain their partner would know. 

It was so obvious, it was practically an unspoken rule of the game. 

As expected, most couples do very well, only missing one or two answers, or if there was more, probably because they knew each other way too well and had a wider margin for mistakes and overthinking. 

You sat around waiting for your turn, but you ended up going last out of the whole group. You and Nicholas took to the floor, picking up the A4 whiteboards supplied by the MCs and getting ready to answer the questions. 

You did Nicholas’ questions first.

What was his favourite meal? You could have answered that just from living with him for a few weeks but you knew the official answer. 

If he could eat one fruit for the rest of his life, what would it be? It was so easy, you rolled your eyes as you wrote it down.

What style of dancing had he practiced during high school? Your pen started moving before Boo even finished asking the question.

What was the name and brand of his favourite cologne? This one annoyed you slightly because it wasn’t something you’d explicitly talked about but you had noticed in your shared bathroom at home. 

And finally, what was his birthday and star sign? You gave them the sun, moon, and ascendant just to be sure, memories from your memos. 

You finessed the challenge, giving the audience in front of you a smug finger gun and wink because of them had really struggled with answering their spouse’s questions. While you’re up there, you spot the Lees giving you a subtle thumbs up and you smile at them, genuinely for once. You’d almost forgotten they were there and also spying on you for your mother. 

You hoped they would relay everything they saw today and get her off your back. 

It was Nicholas’ turn to answer your questions and you’d really tried to keep them as simple as possible, asking things like your own star sign, hometown, favourite school subject back in the day, favourite colour (were you in kindergarten? today you might as well be), and your coffee order, which was one of the first memos you’d given Nicholas. 

He aces it just like you did, and you’re a little proud of him for remembering even this much about you. 

“Well, you saw it here first folks, we have another perfect team.” Hoshi announces. “We’re going to ask our other top scorers, Hanbin and Hao to get up here for a tie-breaker.”

Uh-oh. You started to panic at the prospect of more questions and especially because they would be of the unseen variety. 

“You did so well that we’re going to need to get some bonus questions in there, stuff that will make you think on your feet.” Boo informs the four of you. You’ll go first since you’re already sitting there. “We’ll do three questions each.”

This time you’d both write an answer down on the whiteboards instead of the hosts fact checking on the piece of paper. 

It was in that moment, that you accepted you’d already lost. There was no way you’d beat anyone when you’d known each other for like two months.  

“Nicholas, what is YN’s favourite time of day?” Boo asks. You think carefully about what Nicholas might say and try to write an answer down to match it. 

You think simply and thank whoever that it was an easy question. 

You both hold up your answer and check. A wave of relief washes over you.

Nicholas had written 4am on his board, matching yours. It was an obvious one since you’d stayed up that late just this morning. 

Nicholas manages to get another question right (it was about your job title, which almost makes you laugh because could they have picked better questions for you?) but misses the third one because it was simply impossible for him to know. 

“We’re going to get a little spicy now for the final one, if that’s okay.” Hoshi begins. “Where on her body, does your wife like being kissed?”

“Please do keep the answers moderately PG.” Boo pleads you before you write. Your heart is racing because you know this will be wrong.

You write ‘cheek’, hoping it’s generic enough to get you the point, but Nicholas writes ‘neck’ and you throw him a glare. He shrugs innocently. 

“Oh no, what a shame!” Hoshi exclaims. “Very close to perfection, but not quite. Now, let’s see if YN can match or better your score.” 

You’re asked about Nicholas’ shoe size and you think hard, trying to remember if you’d ever seen an actual number. By some miracle, you guess the correct number after taking a little longer to answer the question.

“Right, so far so good.” Boo says, leading up to the next question. “What is Nicholas’ love language?” 

You freeze. 

Not good, very not good. 

You wracked your brain, trying to figure it out on the spot. In the end you write ‘physical affection’ because of the way he never leaves you untouched in bed and hope for the best. Nicholas turns his board around and you sigh at the ‘acts of service’ scribbled there. 

“Oh disaster strikes again!” Hoshi squeaks. “YN, you have one more question before we hand it over to your competitors.” 

“We’re going for another spicy question, as is customary.” Boo continues. All you hear is ‘game over’ in your head, flashing in big red letters. “If given the chance, what is the freakiest public location Nicholas would want you to partake in the act of coitus?”

You felt like throwing yourself down a flight of stairs. 

Translation - where does he want to fuck?

Low key it was a super personal question but also awkward since you were in a group setting, even if you were all adults here. 

You had no idea, so you just wrote down the first thing that popped into your head: ‘balcony’.

“And now, the big reveal…” Hoshi trails off dramatically. You’re so over this and just want to go back to the comfort of your hotel room and hide from the world until you left the island. 

You turn the boards and your suspicions are confirmed. You lost.

Nicholas had written ‘conference room’. 

For a moment, you think about why he wrote that and then it sends you spiralling; you could have easily answered that question with just an ounce of thought. The war room, of course. Why didn’t you think of that? 

“Ohhh, so close yet so far!” Hoshi says. “I’m sorry guys, but that’s three out of six for you, if Hanbin and Hao can get four or more, they win. Thank you for playing, good job!”

You thank the MCs and sit down, watching while Hanbin and Hao got question after question right. They won the round so easily, that it was laughable. 

“Welp, at least we tried.” Nicholas nudges your arm.

“Sorry I messed up.” you say.

“It’s fine, it’s not like we knew any of the answers.” he says simply, absolving you of blame. 

In the end, Hanbin and Hao are the overall winners because they had managed a point in the scream in silence game, a good score in the peppero game and a complete sweep in the quiz. Their prize is pretty fun too - a free twenty-four hours renting a yacht around the island.

“Congratulations! Now, a speech from our winners, please guys, say a few words.” Boo asks. 

Hao seems too stunned to speak so Hanbin takes over, a big smile on his face. 

“Woah, well we didn’t expect to do so well. We only got married in April and we’ve been too busy working to get a vacation, so it’s really amazing to get such a nice surprise. Thank you for playing everyone and thanks to our wonderful MCs!” he wraps up nicely and you applaud, smiling as they both sat down. 

“Lovely!” Boo says when the clapping dies down. “Right, everyone, just before we go, we do have one more thing to announce. We have a runner’s up prize too; a romantic dinner and stargazing experience for two.” 

“Sounds like a treat, right?” Hoshi chimes in. “We can now reveal that our runner up couple is…YN and Nicholas!” 

You hear your names being called and you find yourself confused.

You had scored in the first game, completely failed the second, but managed to get runner up in the third, so it did in fact add up, but it still felt strange. 

“Congrats, you two. See us afterwards so we can fill you in.” Boo instructs. “Well, everyone. Thank you for a delightful afternoon. We hope you enjoyed yourselves as much as we always do. We’ll wish you a pleasant evening and another congratulations to all our winners! This has been Boo…”

“And Hoshi! See you later, folks!” they finish in unison. You had to hand it to them, they’d been very fun hosts and you had had a good time despite thinking you’d be stuck making awkward small talk with the Lees all afternoon. (You were almost sure that being separated from them had been the stroke of luck that had saved your day.) 

“I can’t believe we actually won something. What a weird day.” Nicholas muses as the crowd slowly disperses. 

“There are stranger things in life, are there not?” you reply, tempting him into a philosophical discussion. 

“Nope, no more thinking. We got a dinner to claim.” he smiles.

*  

In some ways it was fitting that your last night on the island would be so special. 

The dinner you’d won was really amazing and you enjoyed the food thoroughly on the balcony of the largest restaurant in the resort. 

You could see the stars between the clouds when they became clearer as the night grew darker. It was worth any momentary embarrassment you’d felt yesterday while competing in the couple contest.

It was getting late by the time you finished your meal so you decided to go and get some sleep since you’d be waking up early tomorrow for your flight home. 

By the time you left the restaurant, a dark cover of dense clouds had converged in the sky and hid the stars from you as you slowly strolled back to the hotel. 

“Aren’t you glad we came?” Nicholas asks suddenly. He’s moving with some energy despite having mirrored the way you stuffed yourself with food. You, on the other hand, were half a step behind, feeling the weight of your decisions, you had no intention of eating again for at least another day. 

You thought for a moment, assessing the collection of good times you’d accumulated over the past week and a bit, then considered for a moment how the hell you were going to deal with getting back to work. Somehow, all the fun you had outweighed your incoming stress. 

“Yeah, I’m glad we came.” you admit. Nicholas is smiling when he glances at you, a little proud he convinced you probably. 

You seem to have spoken too soon because in the next split second you feel a series of rain drops falling on your face and then a rapid succession which gets starts to drench you before you can even react. 

“Shit, you really know how to jinx things, don’t you?” Nicholas comments, squinting as the rain gets harder, but you see him smiling. You’re in the middle of a narrow street and nowhere to take cover.

“You started it!” you reply, infected by his smile. You raise a hand to shelter your eyes from the rain as you look around. There was no one else out.  

“Come on!” he grabs your hand and starts running, dragging you behind him. Your legs start moving against your will and you follow him, hoping you’re headed in the right direction since it’s difficult to see in the rain.

The heavens open up torrential rain on the two of you but as you run in between the rain drops, your hand secured in Nicholas’, you can’t help but laugh when he does. 

You felt so liberated for a moment.

You didn’t think about work, or the fact that the only reason you were here was because your parents had decided to derail your life, you just ran, as carefree as a kid, splashing through puddles, ruining your sundress and sneakers. 

You thought about how you’d only ever seen this happen in movies; how it was some big romantic moment where the leads run and laugh and look all in love as they get drenched, but the reality was that it was exhausting, even if still a little fun, as you tried your best not to lose Nicholas in the curtain-like rain. 

It only takes a minute to get to the hotel and you burst through the doors, startling the nightshift staff at the desk and you chuckle at their stunned then relieved faces.

You’re both panting, you more than Nicholas since clearly only one of you worked out, and you will your lungs not to explode as you catch your breath. 

Nicholas turns to you, face lit up despite the end to your night. “You look like you just swam here.” he says, bringing a hand to your forehead to move the wet strands away. You pause for a moment, surprised by how tenderly he brushes his finger tips against your skin, pushing the hair away. 

“Yeah, well, you look like a wet dog.” you retort sassily despite being short of air. It was true that you both did, drenched from head to toe and to the bone. 

“Okay, I’ll acknowledge it, let’s go shower before we catch a cold.” 

You get back to your room, feeling a little guilty that you’d been dripping all over the hotel’s plush carpets, but you had no choice. 

“You can go first.” Nicholas says, already unbuttoning his soaked through shirt.

“What about you though?” you ask, taking off your shoes. “You should dry off at least, you might get cold.”

“I’ll be fine, just go.” he insists. You’re about to let it go but he sneezes, trying to cover it up with clearing his throat.

“Fine, my ass.” you sigh. “Okay, this is a simple problem so there must be a simple solution.” you say and think for a moment.

You have an idea when you spot the wolf sleeping mask peeking out of Nicholas’ toiletries baggie.

“How about this:” you start. “you take a bath and wear the mask while I take a shower? That way we both get warmed up.” 

“You’re so determined to make me return to that bath, aren’t you?” Nicholas shakes his head but agrees. “Alright, I know my place by now, Mrs Wang.” he finishes by throwing off his shirt, then trudges to the bathroom, swiping the mask in passing. 

You wait for a minute, hearing the water running and the sound of a belt buckle hitting the floor. 

“Okay, you can come in now.” Nicholas calls out a moment later. 

You creak the door open and close it behind you, eyes sweeping over the scene to make sure he was wearing the mask. Nicholas was sitting in the bath obediently, his broad back to you but you could see the mask was over his eyes. 

Satisfied, your hands got busy removing your dress and underwear quickly, leaving them to hang and dry. You padded across the bathroom and hopped in the shower, starting the water.

Neither of you says anything, a less awkward silence than you thought hanging between you but you barely notice because you rush yourself to finish as quickly as possible. You stop the water and open the cabin door, stepping out so you can reach a towel off the shelf. 

You glance in Nicholas’ direction in paranoia and freeze when you notice the mask is sitting on the ledge of the bath. In the process, you drop the towel, which in turn makes a moisturiser fall on the floor with a thud and the noise makes Nicholas turn around.

You lock eyes, his widening in panic.

“Ah!” you both scream when you realise what just happened, Nicholas throwing himself to face forward and you scrambling to throw the towel around yourself. 

“What are you doing!” you huff, incredibly flustered as you clutch the towel to your body. 

“What are you doing!” he demands, just as freaked out.         

“Why aren’t you wearing the mask?” you ask, picking up the fallen moisturiser. Damn your self-care diligence.

“I was washing my hair, I had to take it off.” he explains, sitting rigidly with his back to you. 

“Oh,” you get it now. “fine. Nevermind.” 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to turn.” he says, clearly a bit embarrassed. 

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter.” you shrug, forgetting he can’t see you. 

“Nice tattoo, by the way.” you hear the smirk in his voice and you close your eyes. How did he manage to see that of all things in a split second? 

“You better forget what you saw, or else.” you warn him. 

“I’ll try but no guarantees.” he replies. That was good enough for now. 

“Okay. I’m going now.” you open the door. “I hope you prune up like a raisin.” you say over your shoulder and shut the door.  

You wanted to shrivel up too; become but a speck of dust, not because of embarrassment necessarily, but more like because you didn’t like what you were thinking about. There was a fraction of a second when Nicholas’ eyes widened, that you felt like you wanted him to keep looking. 

You shudder at your own deprivation, blaming your busy schedule for not going out and hooking up with more people. Now you were a mess at the slightest incident. 

You just hoped at least Nicholas would forget…

~

*apartment 520 cuz it sounds like ‘i love you’ in chinese and i couldn’t miss an op. also ‘ma cherie’ = my dear/darling and ‘mon ange’ = my angel literally in french

ALMOST FORGOT TO ADD THIS!!!! for all your meme needs <3

A/N: thanks for reading, feedback is always appreciated <3 I gotta say, i felt just a little unhinged writing some of this, Nicho's too much y'all, i'm not normal about this man. i hope this chapter gave you whiplash cuz same <3

*copyright 2021- © momobani 

momobani masterlist

[minthara]

really long personal answer to an anon i got. trigger warnings in the tags.

First of all i wanna apologise to everyone who follows me for the last few days lmao, but i feel like if i dont post about it im literally gonna kill myself. I need somewhere to write down my thoughts because i feel bad always going to the same 2 friends i still have and complain about the same situation again and again about a dude they dont even know that well.

Thank you so much for ur message really, and sorry if im gonna take it as another excuse to write down all my thoughts, but i think it will really help me.

So the pathetic thing. I didnt ever post about this and in real life i think only like. 3 people knew. But after we broke up i begged him for months to take me back. It really was pathetic. And when he called me pathetic i think he was just very very hurt, because that was the second time i broke up with him (just a few weeks ago). It was in the sense of me begging him for so long just to break up again a few months later. I feel fucking stupid even writing this. I spent about 10k euros trying to get away from him, it fucked up my life so massively that i lost a job i really loved over it.

And now my new job is about 5 minutes away from our old apartment and i think thats a huge reason why i cant get over it. Every day i walk past restaurants, the supermarkets, anything we went to together. I had to buy snacks for work today and just burst into tears in the fucking supermarket because we used to go there together. The people at work are always so appreciative bc i know the area so well but they dont know how much it fucking hurts me and its so stupid like. Should i just avoid that part of town forever??? No fucking get over it bitch like wtf its a fucking supermarket.

And it also hurts because i know i wasnt always perfect and there were many times i was super mean to him. But at a point i couldnt deal with his ADHD anymore and that sounds so shitty but im a super organised person to the point where sometimes i wonder if thers anything ocd related but i dont think so. In my head i swap between i have ocd, i have adhd, i have borderline, i have autism  - i have no idea whats wrong with me, but the way i feel cant be normal. I know this because the way i behave isnt normal, i know i can come across as really strange, i cant judge social situations well and often dont know how to behave. But i constantly criticised him for symptoms of his mental illnesss.

But i never physically hurt him, and that was the last straw for me, why i left. I dont know how u can do that to a person you love.

And im just mourning the life i thought i was going to have so, so, so much. I know on tumblr ppl somehow think youre brainwashed when you want a traditional marriage and kids and stuff, but i really thought that was going to happen in the next 2 / 3 years, thats how i planned my life since i was fucking 21 and i met him. And now im almost 27, and i cant even go on dates because i cannot bear talking to new people because all i want is a clone of him but better.

I know i will look back at this and think “u cried about THAT guy???” in a few years, because thats how its always been in my life lol (except for one relationship, but were still really really best friends). I always think afterwards i will never love someone that much again. But it hits so much harder because it was such a serious relationship lol i really wanted to marry him. Sobs lol.

[mailjeevasfan]

could you write a near x gn!reader angst? like how it'd be if they were to break up?

ofc ty for req <3 idk how i feel about this one but thanks @kissforjinko this probably wouldn’t have been possible without you bff LMAO

near x gn!reader

༺♡༻

break the silence ❦

when you sit next to him, the silence is piercing. your ears ache, and your head is pounded with the idea that this silence needs to be filled.

you’d never felt this way before. near likes things to be quiet more often than not, and doesn’t have a lot to say most of the time. but today, you know that there’s something he should say. he just doesn’t know how.

before you attempt to break this silence, you look deeply into his eyes. you need to get a read on his thoughts and emotions, because you know that he probably won’t express them aloud. when you look into his unblinking eyes, you see less than you’d hoped for. it’s his usual expression; very flat. emotion isn’t completely absent though. his eyes are slightly glazed over. or were you just imagining things?

‘near…’

‘…yes?’

maybe it was just a projection of what you wanted. you didn’t want to give up yet though. although his tone of voice is as flat as his expression, it speaks volumes to you. you know that he’s aware of the problems you’re facing. he knows that you’re unhappy with how detached he’s become, how distant he is, physically and emotionally. no matter how hard you try, you can’t stop him from working himself to the bone.

it felt so strange. to know that the passion he feels towards his work, his incredible work ethic, the thing you’d fallen in love with was the very same thing that would rip your heart away from him. you hate to admit it, but you saw the problems from the start. you found yourself worrying about him so much, trying so hard to help him with what you knew he was struggling with, even when he didn’t know it himself. you felt that you didn’t know what to do anymore. this just wouldn’t work.

‘…y/n?’

you let out a deep sigh and tried to organise your chaotic thoughts. a conclusion seemed to be forming in your mind but you didn’t want to accept it.

you really did love him. but you didn’t want to let this go on anymore.

‘i, um… i think we need some time apart. i don’t know if it’ll be indefinite, but… i need some time to myself. okay?’

a conflicted look enters near’s expression for a moment. he stares for a moment before replying.

‘…yes. okay.’

you wish he’d offered you a better response, but you know that he needs time to process it. so you leave the room. and when you do, near thinks.

he isn’t exactly shocked, even he could see that there were problems. but he is puzzled in his own way. he realises he let things come to this, but he didn’t know how to fix it. he thinks about the times you wanted his attention, but he’d brush you off without a second thought. he remembers the times he’d robotically explain to you why he was so busy, and the times you needed the kind of emotional support he couldn’t offer.

now he thinks he can get a better understanding, but the sadness begins to settle in. he wants to talk to you, but he worries that it could be too late. did he miss his chance to fix things?

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