#or the office but im not sure yet
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i think my patreons are the best tbh im out here fighting demons, brain damage, car broke, cost of living, price inflation, printer errors, delivery mishaps, rapid onset of media brainrot, inconsistant art style, isolation, the toils and tribulations of living in the rural south, social obligations with financial cost requirement, a cat that actively breaks into plastic bins to chew on stickers and burn out
i am constantly slipping on a bannana peel and patreons are just
#ALSO its the 30th of the month and I havent made the unpledge reminder yet so go unpledge if you don't want to be charged for next month#anyway someone is giving me a ride to the post office as soon as the post office opens at 7am so YIPPIE#car is still not repaired but i have things to ship out#envalopes and ALL of the rest of the monty pins#patreons really out here keeping me afloat#also i cant for october because of some Immense Finacial Stuff I need to pay but after all that is done i can probably safely pause Novemeb#i should really do something special for them that doesnt involve mailing things out but im not sure what#sara shush#personal#ramble#edit: i paused for october dnbdhfbngg
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being the youngest person at work is being the honorary IT specialist despite knowing basically nothing abt technology except how to use google
#im not even like being modest when i say i'm embarrassingly bad at tech stuff#but bc i can use google and sometimes find a convoluted solution to a problem on my own i am an expert#currently the classroom ipad has not functioned properly for months#and i'm the only reason it functions at all lol#as soon as i leave its gonna be a shitshow lol#they cant even open the gallery to see the pics of the kids like its supposed to it hasnt opened in months#i'm the only person who knows to go to files to see the pictures and delete some for more space#and it took me a minute to figure out how to delete hundreds at a time#i usually delete 2k or so at the beginning of every week#bc we take like hundreds every day then sort thru for the good ones to post for the parents#so it's got thousands of pictures on it and you get storage warnings constantly#and it stops working#its got other problems too tho#but i at least got the picture taking and deleting problem mostly figured out but its not the way it was#yet its usable thanks to me only#and all my coworkers will be fucked when i leave bc they're all old lol#we already sent it to the office to get fixed twice and it came back the same#and im p sure this school doesnt have an actual tech department#and they'll be annoyed if they're told they have to buy a new one#bc the KNOW that i was making it work for months#so whoever says its impossible is just a failure lol#anyway#lol#anyway when i go home i call my brother to handle all technology issues w anything#bc i really suck at it#but at work i'm like a tech genius just bc im under 30
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engineer and medic doodles. bone apple tea.
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staring contest gone too far :] idk how to draw kissing so use your imagination
blah blah blah blah blah
"blah blah blah blah blah" for engi and "fascinating!" for medic
they definitely listen to eachother's ramblings
i found this picture and many more funny ones and couldn't help it but draw them
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IT'S FRIDAY BOYS!!!
and they were trashmates(trashcan-mates??). omg they were trashmates :0
"Danke, engineer!" for medic. A/N: thank your medics AND engis please 💖
(actually, thank ALL of your teammates. it might feel awkward to send "thanks team" kind of chats since a lot of people perceive them as sarcastic but do it anyway. you'll cheer up at least one person :])
#im throwing doodles at y'all like people throw food at pigeons (/affectionate). hope you enjoy your meal#also fun fact im drawing all my traditional doodles at work and my desk is in the most visible part of the office#so im pretty sure my coworkers saw at least one/some of my doodles. they didn't mention it yet tho#im blessing them with silly little guys being silly and little and kissing each other#tf2#engiemedic#tf2 science party#team fortress 2#tf2 fanart#team fortress fanart#medic tf2#tf2 medic#engineer tf2#tf2 engineer#painting sky blu art#ive just realised that plural for engi is engies not engis oh my gosh... idc. (← is embarrassed)
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Tally still isn't quite back to 100% yet, but she's recovered a lot in general. Every time she does one of her normal habits that she'd stopped doing while she was sick, my heart just squeezes with gratefulness. Stuff like her yowling like I died after I go to bed, her climbing onto my lap while I'm sitting on the toilet and/or watching me from on top of her litter box, her jumping onto furniture, her getting up in my face and sniffing my breath as I slowly blow air at her, her trying to eat the plants, her PLAYING.... and of course, her eating.
I also discovered the coat rack toppled over onto the couch after getting out of bed today - surely her doing. Didn't break anything so im just glad she's back to being at least some semblance of a chaos demon, even if she's not totally recovered yet.
It's the little things, sometimes. All her little habits, some harmless and some annoying, that make up who she is and her presence in my life. When all of these stop, so she's just a lump on the couch, barely eating and barely getting up... it was unsettling. And worrisome.
But I've got my baby back. She's still not super high energy, but she's got enough to feel like herself again. And I'm so, so grateful.
#speculation nation#i had a vet appointment scheduled for yesterday for blood work if she still wasnt better by then#and on monday when they called to confirm the appointment she was still really lethargic. only starting to act better.#so i didnt wanna cancel it yet. but on tuesday and wednesday she was acting a Lot better. actually mostly finishing her dry food!!#and returning to a lot of her old habits. i was really glad.#of course since it was new years eve and new years day i couldnt call the vet to cancel the appointment on the 2nd. bc the office was closed#but thankfully when i called earlier in the day yesterday they were completely fine canceling the appointment day-of#a lot of places dont let u do that so it was a relief bfmsbfm#so im watching her to make sure she doesnt get worse again. but i think she'll be fine.#i feel like it likely Was the same thing that june had. but a different manifestation. and more worrying.#bc june was just sneezing for like a week ish. i felt rly bad for her but she was still eating fine.#and she was up and playing and such. but when tally got sick... it was like she was a whole different cat.#i never want to see tally so stiff and lethargic and refusing to eat food like that again.#i know theres a good chance i will. eventually. but i hope it's not for a good long while. at least a decade.#my baby's normally the picture of health so it just feels so wrong...#and ultimately. i think the trip to the vet to get their vaccines is what caused this. the stress lowering their immune systems#and potentially smth they picked up while they were there. idk.#it was still important to get them their updated vaccines. but God i could've done without the reactions and sicknessss hfkshfnd
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that aipt interview didn’t say anything that rogue and gambit fans didn’t already know about that office or this era lol:
-that jdw dislikes them both but dislikes rogue more (gambit got a solo and she didnt; she’s also the one that’s been missing from every single event poster, that new tarot deck, and now, even the 60th anniversary ‘90s variant covers)
-that the idea of marriage makes characters “stale” (these dudes are married irl, btw, which… hmm!!!!!!!!)
like… yeah wbk lol
#can u imagine if this dude admitted to disliking one of the other biggest female x-men lol#swifties and beyhive etc have nothing on those certain fans#so the way those dudes in that office feel comfortable kicking us around is very#weird how they’re okay with the OTHER x-couple being married 🧐#im sure that has nothing to do w how they all project onto that male character#yet find a character like gambit a threat lol
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have to be honest guys its actually going Really Badly again.
#j.txt#vent#barest thread holding me back right now and I dont even know what to do to fix it besides trying to repress it as deep as possible#I'm just. so overwhelmed and tired and frantic all the time. Work is giving me authority positions I didnt ask for and am not paid to do#my family is insane as always and I'm extra on edge around them bc I can just sense the impending fallout-#from when they realize Im taking hormones. Not that that is actually happening yet bc my insurance is fucking me over#the pharmacy keeps pushing back the date for getting my t (should have had it 3 weeks ago. did not happen.) and I might end up having to pa#nearly Two Hundred Dollars for i dont even know how much of a supply bc of the fucked insurance thing.#And I cant even talk to my therapist about any of this bc my old schedule wont work anymore but I cant get in touch with the office to#see what other openings they may have. and some of the weird nebulous resentment-inducing stuff with my old friends is coming back bc#I hung out with one of them recently and it somehow it Still hurts like a fresh wound despite how often I tell myself Im resigned to being#treated the way I am. I barely have time to spend with the friends I do still have pleasant relationships with so I cant even talk through#any of it like that. and to round it all off my dysphoria has gotten so agonizing of late bc i finally had hope i would be on hrt#but. gestures at earlier topic. my hopes of that are being quickly and brutally slaughtered so.#its just. like genuinely what is the point of any of it. how is This what my life is supposed to be. I know I dont deserve very much#but surely I havent sinned so terribly as to earn misery like this.#and I'm not even strong enough of will to *** about it. pathetic really#I just want one day to feel even neutral abt being alive without having my feet swept from under me by some new unbearable Thing developmen
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#so.... i have toughts.#about 'Escaping Virtuality'.#one of them was ''what if Caines human body was created using bits and pieces of the others' bodies''?#it would explain why Kingers prescription worked for him#it would also explain where he got his human body from.#i think ive talked about this but im pretty sure Caine would have difficulty walking#We havent seen him canonically walk in anything. he just... floats#im pretty sure that hed be incredibly wobbly whilst attempting to walk#i can already imagine him holding on to one of the other humans because he kept falling over#he hasnt seen his own face yet either#it would be amazing to get a description on how caine looks now when he sees his face in a mirror.#i wonder how hed react to seeing his face.#you know that strange feeling you get when you stare at yourself in a mirror?#the whole ''that is me.'' feeling? the one that gets you entranced and makes you focus on the details of your face?#...the question is- how would he see his own face?#Widows peak hairline. Hooked nose. And of course- he'd have those two mismatched eyes!#and what would happen once everyone else got outside outside of the office building?#are they considered missing in reality? how would those that were close to them react?#or does time pass slowly in the digital world?#and theres Caine. he definitely doesnt exist in legal terms considering that he was previously an computer AI#now that Caine is no longer an AI and is just himself without any code controlling him in any way whatsoever-#how would he react if he realised how messed up some of the stuff he did as ringmaster was?#hed probally have a breakdown and a half#ive been re-reading chapter 3 ever since i woke up and because of that my brain keeps thinking of random ideas related to it#and how do the rest of the humans look?#it would be great to hear as i could finally draw some scenes from it! :-)#EscapingVirtuality#seasalt speaks
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waaaah i wanna play more voices of the void but its scary scary scary
#its so so good and so fun but im scared 2 go back bc Events are Happening and It Scary Me.#the event that made me quit was i heard something incorrectly punch in the pin to get into the main office LOL#i didnt even check if i left the garage open (which im 85% sure i Closed it). i just saved & quit LMAO#in my defense. this happened One or Two In-Game Days after the shadows chasing you nightmare. smth like one or two real-time hours pbb.#also the mannequin is walking around.#i kept putting him in lockers but he kept getting out & standing in the middle of the hall in different poses.#i eventually threw him outside & he has yet to return lol#i think im on day. 20 ?? last time i checked it was day 17 but it's definitely been a few in-game days since then lol#things start happening two weeks in. things get Bad around 30 days in. im so scares.#it Doesnt help that i know 90% of what to expect out of these events. u'd think it would. but no.#TL;DR The Reason Im Scares Is Because Scary Things Are Happening And They Are Making Me Scary#orignaletti
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do you ever just think about it all. my dad is down stairs in his hospital bed sleeping fighting for his life. I'm upstairs admiring the view from the 5th floor, worried a security guard is gonna force me to go back to my hospital room. somewhere else, someone else has no clue what I'm doing and I have no clue what they're doing. Somewhere else someone is taking care of their new born baby or their 15 year old teenager. somewhere else someone is working overtime, desperately trying to make ends meet for their family. somewhere else two people are on a date, getting drunk and having their first time together. somewhere else a group of friends is getting high together. somewhere else a person is getting sleepy at their shitty partime job waiting for their shift to end so they can go home and sleep. somewhere else a cat is terrorizing their owner by meowing at 2 am. somewhere else a dog is running around in the backyard. somewhere else a homeless person is probably freezing their ass off. someday I will meet these people without ever realizing it. or maybe I won't. we're all just stuck in our own lil worlds, parallel lines never meeting.
#it might just be the favt that its 1:30 am im sitting alone on the 5th floor of a hospital#the lights touch everything and nothing at the same time and the elevators groan with every movement#the lights of the city that i've lived in my whole life yet know nothing about look so pretty#lights are too bright to see any stars yet the sky is so dark#a cloud is slowly but surely passing overhead#the height terrifies me yet i can feel the rocks making the roof under ny feet#i see christmas lighrs and an office lit up filled with who knows what#do you ever just think about it all#the docs
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call me a runner
nothing matters and every time i turn a corner you seem to be right there as if i tethered you to parts of me, unknowing, maybe while i slept and i cant see past the hair you got from our mother, its grown so long. are you okay in my shadow?
#im bored in the office and im in the office bored#can i call this#poetry#im not sure yet#call me a runner#hovvdy#idk when i wrote that cause its a spotify playlist description#but#today is#090222#020922
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you guys are pie-rating barbie and oppenheimer right? You guys arent giving the studios money right? Not in the midst of historic corporate greed? Not when barbie is a product commercial they plan to make 50 more of and oppenheimer doesnt make a single mention of the communities displaced, killed, and impoverished to build and mine for the los alamos labs RIGHT?
#barbie#oppenheimer#barbenheimer#haahaha you guys wouldnt go see them in theters and make them box office hits RIGHT????!!#throwing this into the main tags and then running away#im sure there are many ppsts like this but i havent seen any yet so
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ermmm would anyone be interested in genloss gift card commissions totally not because I really want the varsity jacket hahaha what
#ive never done offical commissions yet so im not sure but#maybe ill make a quick sheet to help figure out how this would work
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i feel so guilty saying and thinking this but like. next time i go to the store i think i have to pick up a much cheaper brand of cat food to feed Rascal with because i really can't afford to feed 3 cats like. a gourmet diet
#Hope has preddy expensive renal-safe cat food that i top with renal-safe wet food#(which i may switch to full-wet if my vet gives it the thumbs up)#Olive i have switched over to a really expensive wet food which i have also started feeding Rascal#and im like wow this food sure is going twice as fast with two mouths at it huh. fuuck#i've been wanting to get a bulk bag of cheap cat food just to have specifically for like. if there's a stray outside that im trying to nab#so that it wouldn't eat away at my own cat's food reserves#im REALLY hoping i can rehome him soon#that person from the vets office hasnt emailed me yet like they said they would ...#even if it was just like a ''no sorry we cant :/'' i just need like .... some kind of correspondence ...#but i would love if it turned out they're able to take him and were just discussing it with their partner.#i understand a week's time may not be enough to like decide yes/no if you want a new animal and it was really on the fly for them#so im willing to wait. but. i wish they would atleast email me like ''i'll get back about it soon! we're talking about him!'' so that i kno#i'm gonna go very hard on rehoming him if this falls through#he's super charasmatic and loveable. i honestly feel like if the front desk person doesnt take him then someone at the vets would take him#cause they ALL really coo at him and love to see him ...
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hii!! i'm doing great, thank you! hope you're doing good as well! don't worry, you're not neglecting me or anything, im actually glad you're not forcing yourself when you don't have energy! that's a win for the self-care! :D fhdsjk and you know, that's completely fair, there's a lot of songs to listen to, especially the rage one, oof! and i saw you also started doing classes playlists which in my opinion are even harder than aspect playlists so i'm impressed! :O and hell yes! classpect obsession be upon ye!!! fhdsjkf i need to know what classpects your ocs got im so curious!
music anon 🎶
WELL IM!!! very excited to reply its just. like i start to reply and then i get too excited and my brain goes into a tizzy and i have to change tracks because my thoughts are like. “pop! pop! pop!”
BUT YEAH IM WORKING ON CLASSES TOO there was this issue i kept running into where i was like. “ugh this song would be good for” uhhh. idk whats a good example. “a maid of void but not a prince of void.” like i wanted that nuance. and i realized the only way i could get that was by specifically doing classes too. i really hope when i get done that you’ll be able to combine different playlists to get accurate title representation!
IVE ACTUALLY only done Mac so far but she got thief and either heart or rage, and i’m torn on that one. i think rage fits her excellently, but i don’t know if thief of rage really fits her personal challenges. and thief of heart sounds so absolutely stellar, but again, i dont know that that combination fits her. i DO think thief is an excellent class for her on its own - good intentions , egocentric. but their challenge to share that aspect, i’m not sure fits? typing this out — she might actually be a maid. shes someone who leaves herself to be crafted by someone else. she’s god’s angel, and so her wants and goals should be dictated by god, right? but as she comes into herself and realizes that no, she actually rejects everything she’s been told to be, and starts to form her own identity — that feels very maid to me. and i think it would fit very well with both heart and rage. you’ll have to let me know what you think!!
#thank you for listening!! sorry i havent responded to where youve talked about your ocs yet#and then immediately responded to talk to you about mine fjskdj#IM SUPER PSYCHED ABOUT YOURS TOO I JUST HAVE TO SHIFT INTO. LONG REPLY MODE#WHICH IS VERY FUNNY CONSIDERING THIS ONE ISNT SHORT#music anon 🎶#had to tag it rq bc im pretty sure only the first 5 tags are searchable#CONTINUING ON THOUGH YOU KNOW HOW LONG OUR ASKS HAVE GOTTEN#THIS IS A FRACTION OF THAT#we are like.#just. penpals at this point#with the benefit of i can post and get your attention immediately without having to wait for the postal service ghkskdkd#maaannnn is your postal service good#hungary’s postal service fucking sucks man#it sucks so bad that duolingo is even delivering me banger sentences like ‘nem dolgozik a postàs?’#‘isn’t the postman working/doesn’t the postman work?’#no he fucking doesnt. and he keeps losing my fucking letters#also one of the post office workers there tore into one of my friends recently. i’ll kill them#this is a total tangent i just started thinking about penpals. i love writing letters i love stationary i love stickers#i love handwriting things i love sending mail#anyway fjskjdjd sorry about the tangent
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Woke up early and decided to check the electoral votes and now I'm #Siiiiiiiiick
#speculation nation#uspol#i am not getting enough sleep tonight y'all.#i... i mean it's not a sure thing just yet but... he's 3 electoral votes away from winning and has a lead in 5 of the 6 states left.#and he's over five Million votes ahead in the popular vote. unless a miracle happens he's going to win it.#and the republicans won majority in the senate. and theyre leading in number of house wins now...#need a last minute democratic surge of house nominations or we are going to be BIG time fucked#we cant have trump with a republican senate AND house. we cant. we cant.#watching as we are on the cusp of a full republican government With Trump In Office. im going to be sick.
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i love you administative job. I love you warm office in winter. I love you excel spreadsheets. I love you trusty office printer that spits out labels slowly but steadily. I love you clearing my inbox. I love you bitching about annoying clients with my coworkers. I love you customers who bring random chocolate cake just because they appreciate us. I love you office doggos begging for some of my lunch!!!! I LOB YOU OFFICE JOB
#aaand post.#my brain felt like it was going to explode today yet im still so weirdly happy about this job. crazy.#every day i wake up and im like ughhhgg getting out of bed Difficult. misery and suffering on planet earth#and then i arrive at the office and am just immediately like :) :D Yay!#normal behaviours im sure
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