#or the comedy relief side character that has just the most over the top fucked up tragic backstory that is brought up once

[egg-baby-official]

What kind of character archetype would you be if you’re someone in your favorite movie genre? (example: mentor figure in a fantasy movie)

Gay side character that is in all the marketing but then is only in the movie for like. One scene

[johncleana]

10 characters, 10 fandoms, 10 tags (I don't know 10 people)

@reinathevocaloid at me again and we boxing.

1. Morrigan: a witch stranded in the woods who goes out and explored the world with two dopes on a quest to save the world. She tries to use the hero for her own gains but ends up falling for them and allowing herself to feel emotions. Nothing I love more than that.

2. Aoi Todo: a man after my own heart, literally declares the MC his brother after he proclaimed "I like a girl with a big ass, like Jennifer Lawrence" how could I not fall in love with him?

3. Nekomaru Nidai: "Eat well, shit well!" I have the sense of humor of a child, so a character going around yelling about how they need to take a shit is just wonderful to me. Also the entire game he never puts himself in the spot light, he always tries to help everyone around him be the best they can be and that's something i try to do myself.

4. Ryuji Sakamoto: like ryuji, I am also best friend to a main character. 😎 Me and ryuji might honestly be the same person, trouble makers, emotionally traumatized by the adults around us, I also used to like track before I hurt my ankle pretty bad. But fuck atlus for putting in that homophobic part in p5.

5. Rock lee: his entire character is that he's worthless because he doesn't know ninjutsu, so he works his ass off to better his own skills without giving up. Best character in the entire series, or top 5, and he gets done super dirty in Shippuden.

6. Usopo: honestly one of the funniest characters in all of anime. When making a comic relief character, people should base it off usopp. Probably has one of the best personal growth stories in anime as well! I love a liar.

7. Arataka Reigen: I honestly think I just like comedy relief characters. Apart from being a total bastard man that just wants to make some money. There is a side of him that genuinely wants to help mob, or at the very least not see him become an evil psychic.

8. Shulk: literally has the best scream in any video game, don't @ me.

9. Ashoka Tano: literally the only female Jedi to get any real love or attention in the entire series. She's bad ass, doesn't put up with anyone's shit, and refuses to be walked over, even by people she considers family.

10. Anya the nerd: usually the main character in most games, whatever the female equivalent of a hiimbo is, that's Anya. Incredibly intelligent, passionate, never takes showers, always a nerd. A really cool bean, and she can't see bridges and constantly ask why it's raining, but I couldn't imagine not knowing a nerd like that.

[just-come-baek]

bet on it

Pairing: Na Jaemin x female!reader

Themes: smut | fluff | kidna cracky | light angst | fake dating!au | college!au | idiots to lovers!au | love letters

Word count: 21.2k 

Summary: One day, Jaemin stops by with a strange request. Any other person would just laugh in his face and refuse in a second. Unfortunately, I, being the dumbass I am, agree to it. Soon enough, everything gets out of hand, causing much more drama than we could ever predict.

Or in other words, Jaemin shouldn’t bet on things he knows he can’t win.

Warnings: all characters share like 3 brain cells, and somehow they all belong to Ten??? | self-indulgent type 3 diabetes fluff | cursing | mutual pining | college duties negligence | scheming and plotting | double-crossing | hookup culture condoning | corny and cringy stuff | alcohol consumption | smoking | extreme winter sports | amateur matchmaking | professional wooing | manipulative behaviour | steamy smut | oral female!receiving | thigh riding | spanking | marking | overstimulation | protected sex | lots of teasing | made up warnings | I don’t remember more

A/N it’s an instalment for love letters event hosted by neosmutcollective, I hope you enjoy my jaemin entry as well as other entries written by my friends from the network, check out the event tags too, and yeah, happy valentine's day!  😏  💖

***

“What?” I yelled, almost spitting my tea. No, I must’ve heard him wrong. Jaemin wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that. It had to be a joke. Or I must’ve imagined him say that. “You don’t mean that,” I added, still in shock, trying to comprehend what just happened.

“Come on, Noona,” Jaemin whined, staring right into my eyes, wishing for me to say yes to his ridiculous proposal. “I wouldn’t suggest that if I knew we couldn’t pull through.”

With a sigh, I shook my head. Jaemin’s proposition was absurd, and I couldn’t believe I was about to ask him again to walk me through it.

Damn me and my curiosity.

“Before I make my mind about this… tell me what the fuck led you guys to make that stupid bet. Then, and only then, I will still say no, but in good faith,” I demanded, smiling at Jaemin, knowing I wouldn’t make it easy for him to convince me. The odds weren’t in his favor, and he really had to put in lots of effort if he really wanted me on board.

“So we were chilling after practice, and then Haechan started to tease me that I have no game anymore,” Jaemin started, and I rolled my eyes. Of course, I should’ve figured it out. A man in his age apparently is a failure unless he has a different girl in his bed at least 3 nights a week, moaning his name at the top of her voice. Even though Jaemin doesn’t have a competitive nature, it still provoked him into agreeing to this absurd bet.

Life must be though with an ego so fragile…

Jaemin isn’t a fuckboy, yet he still has a fair share of love conquests. Though I had no idea whether it was true or not, he must have fallen a little behind the others – otherwise, they wouldn’t tease him about it.

“And then I said his mother must’ve dropped him on the head if he really thinks that,” Jaemin carried on. I nodded my head, trying to wrap my head around this preposterous situation. “Then, I said I could seduce any girl I want,” he added proudly, making me want to flicker his forehead, hoping it would knock some sense into that empty skull at the top of his neck.

“Okay, but how the hell did you end up with having to seduce me? This is the part I have the most trouble understanding,” I pointed out, cocking my eyebrow.

“Then, Chenle suggested we bet on it, and I agreed to it,” Jaemin whispered, looking away, sounding both regretful and shy. “I urged them to pick any girl, so Haechan looked around to choose my next conquest. It was the time when you and Ten were walking to the dance studio, and that bastard suggested you.”

So it was Haechan’s doing – I should’ve figured this one out. He was the only one wicked enough to possibly ruin somebody’s friendship because of a stupid bet.

Or, it was quite genius of him – maybe he figured Jaemin would not cross this line, choosing our friendship over winning this imbecilic bet.

“And you were confident you can woo me? What about our friendship? Does it mean anything to you?” I inquired, curious of what was going inside his head when he agreed to this half-witted bet. Did he seriously think we could have sex and then forget all about it?

“It’s not like that! I don’t want to woo you. I mean… I could, and you would be very much aware if I tried to hit on you, and you would fall for me. No doubts on that,” Jaemin spoke confidently, grinning like an idiot with ego blown way out of proportion. “But–“

Jaemin was about to say something dense, so before more bullshit managed to leave his mouth, I hit him with a cutting board. Jaemin whined, but I was sure he was exaggerating for comedy purposes. My hit was calculated and balanced – it was powerful enough for him to understand it wasn’t a good idea, but at the same, it was not going to cause any permanent damage to his brain. I’d never purposefully do that to him.

“We’re not having sex. Get that shit inside your head,” I interjected, pouring my herbal tea down my throat, already thinking about making another cup. This conversation was making me uncomfortable, and I wanted to put an end to it. Perhaps another lemon balm tea would calm my nerves.

Ignoring his penetrating gaze, I shuffled around the kitchen, setting the kettle on the stove. In the meantime, Jaemin walked around the kitchen island and grabbed me by my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes.

“Come on, Noona, I am not asking you to sleep with me,” Jaemin defended his case, quite determined to pull me on his side.

“Well… it looks exactly like you’re asking me to sleep with you,” I cut in, walking around him to the cabinet to get a fresh tea bag. I’ve really had enough of this bullshit.

“We could just make it look like like we did,” he carried on, and I heaved a deep sigh, regretting even letting him in today. I had this extremely boring essay to write, and at this point, I’d rather begin my research on whatever topic my professor assigned.

“It’s still a no from me, sorry,” I replied harshly, crashing Jaemin’s expectations. Judging by the look on his face, it wasn’t the outcome he anticipated when he decided to knock on my doors. “What happens when you lose that bet? Well… except for your pride, of course.”

“500 dollars.”

“Ouch, sowwy, I hope you can afford that,” I added with a fake smile, patting him on the shoulder, being well aware this amount of money was a game-changer to Jaemin’s budget. If he won, he would have the time of his life, spoiling himself. However, if he lost, he’d have to eat instant ramen on every meal for the entire month. “Either way, I hope it will teach you a lesson to not bet on things you know you can’t win.”

“Ugh, fine,” Jaemin groaned in disappointment, reaching for my hands, holding them carefully as if they were made of china. “If you help me, I’ll give you half of the money,” he proposed, and I looked at our hands linked together, then quickly shifted my gaze to his eyes. “If you help me win, you’ll get 250 dollars, and you’ll be finally able to buy those fancy shoes you wanted so bad. What do you say?”

When did he get so persuasive?

It was a low blow.

Jaemin knew that these shoes were tempting me ever since I had seen them. Multiple times, my thumb hovered over the add-to-cart button. Every time, I resisted the temptation last minute upon seeing the price tag, though. This purchase was way out of my budget.  However, now, when the new income opportunity presented itself, it made me wonder.

Suddenly, the kettle began to whistle, bringing me down to Earth from that ridiculous train of thought. Shaking my head, I tore my hands out of Jaemin’s gentle grasp, fidgeting back to the stove, pouring boiling water into the cup.

“Okay, fine, but I have a few questions first,” I gave up after a short pause for intense pondering, and Jaemin smiled brightly in instant gratitude and relief. Without my help, he would be doomed. “And then, if I like the answers, I have a few conditions.”

“Anything.”

“Okay, so first of all, how much time do we have to do the deed,” I inquired as I blew some air before taking a cautious sip.

“About two weeks,” Jaemin mentioned after a while as he had counted on his fingers how many days we have to team up and win five hundred dollars for us. “Officially, we have to do it before Jaehyun’s birthday party,” he specified, and I hummed, realizing it is very little time.

“You seriously think I am that easy? Outrageous,” I gasped, throwing a fake tantrum as I made my way around him to sit down on the barstool on the other side of the kitchen island.

“No, of course not,” Jaemin quickly realized what I was getting on, so he smiled sheepishly, already trying to figure out the best wording to calm me down. “I am just that good,” he added, and I leaned over to smack his shoulder. “Kidding,” he defended himself, stepping out of my reach. “Renjun proposed this party, I mean, it’s the easiest way they can verify we did it,” Jaemin carried on, and I cursed under my breath.

How convenient.

“But we’re not going to do the fucking,” I stated, as a matter of fact, repeating myself in order to make sure we were both on the same page. As much as it would be pleasant to actually do it with him, never under these circumstances.

“No, we’re not, but I guess we can sneak out upstairs to one of the unoccupied rooms, and once we make sure they’re listening, you can just shout how good I’m fucking you,” Jaemin reasoned, and I sighed as regret once again washed through me.

“That’s creepy,” I commented as my mind conjured an image of a group of peeping Toms, eavesdropping on our sex session. Once again, I felt the temptation to drop out of this deal, but then, another thought crossed my mind. “Ugh, fine, I’ll do it. All I have to do is shout for two minutes, and then, these cute shoes will be mine.”

“Two minutes? Are you insane?” Jaemin hollered, offended by my comment. “It happened once, and it was ages ago. I’ve learned plenty of tricks since then,” he blabbered, acting way too defensive for his past mishap. “Just let me live in peace, please.”

“Okay, so we have established the deadline, and although it’s not enough time for anyone to woo me, let’s go with it.”

“Thank you! I knew I could count on you,” Jaemin replied with gleeful enthusiasm as he sat down on the barstool beside me and pressed a chaste kiss against my knuckles.

“But you have to go overboard with the courting,” I added, making Jaemin groan. Hard work wasn’t his best suit, but this time, he really had to try his best, or I’d have to turn him down at Jaehyun’s party. “You really have to make it believable and super romantic. Otherwise, I’m out,” I clarified, and Jaemin nodded, though unwillingly.

“Fine, any other wishes in mind?”

“Once we win the bet, we have to end this whole fake-dating fiasco immediately,” I announced, already planning ahead. It was easy to win the bet, but the most difficult part was getting back to normal. If we planned to fake-date in order to fake-fuck, then it was reasonable to figure out how we’re going to fake-break up.

“We should agree on admitting it was the best sex of our lives, but despite that, we value our friendship even more, so we decided to remain friends. How does it sound?” Jaemin suggested, and I had to once again resist the temptation to roll my eyes.

“I agree with the overall message, but later, we have to work on proper delivery.”

 ***

On the very next day, Jaemin and I decided to implement our secret plan.

Since I specifically asked to be courted in an over-the-top manner, Jaemin suggested going to the cinema. There were no attention-grabbing titles screened, yet ultimately, we agreed on watching the very last projection of the sequel to Wonder Woman.

“Go get the snacks, I’ll buy the tickets,” I ordered once we stepped into the cinema area of the nearest shopping mall. It was two o’clock in the afternoon, so the establishment wasn’t crowded. Except for us, there was only a family of three slowly making their way to the exit.

“See you in five minutes,” Jaemin murmured before he walked off to the bar to get us some salty popcorn and soda drinks. Though we both considered them way overpriced, it was a perfect way to celebrate the beginning of our fake relationship.

“We still have some time until the movie starts,” Jaemin shyly whispered as he cleared his throat. “Let’s take some selfies to make it public,” he added, and I nodded, sending him a timid smile, knowing this protocol had to be done in order to properly keep up appearances.

These days, everything had to be posted on social media, or it didn’t exist. If we didn’t leave a single digital mark, people might’ve grown a little bit suspicious of our alleged rendezvous. It would probably shock our friends, but it had to be done if we wanted to really sell it to them.

The circumstances were perfect for an impromptu first-date photo shoot. We were able to snap a few pictures without any annoying looks of prying eyes, choose the best angles, and finally post it with an ambiguous description confusing the shit out our friends.

Though Jaemin took about fifty photos, ultimately, I allowed him to upload three.

One picture showed me standing back to the camera as I looked at the cinema schedule, trying to pick a movie. I was wearing an A-line crimson red dress and a pair of warm black tights – the outfit really made my figure look pretty slim.

“What do you think about this one?” Jaemin inquired, showing me the photo of our interlaced hands. With a hum, I inspected the picture, giving him the green light. It was appropriate for our first date – it would signify we weren’t at the cinema as friends.

“This one looks good enough,” I commented as I reached to swipe across the screen of his smartphone. “I look cute here,” I added, showing Jaemin a picture of us. We were smiling, staring at the camera, almost stuffing our faces into the bucket of popcorn.

“What kind of description should I write?”

“Something vague, I guess,” I answered with a shrug, having no clue what kind of comment would be fitting for this Instagram post. “Maybe stick to emojis,” I suggested, and Jaemin went back to work, adjusting filters and typing the description.

With a chuckle, Jaemin handed me his phone, letting me approve his commentary.

“Are you out of your mind?” I hollered, quickly deleting the emojis. Having smacked his shoulder, I turned around, blocking him from seeing the screen. Three blushed emojis suited our fake-date better than a popcorn bucket, a wine glass, and an eggplant.

“Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” Jaemin apologized, still laughing at his incredibly funny joke.

“Here, I posted it,” I said with an eye roll, throwing his phone at his lap. “The commercials must’ve started; let’s go,” I rose from my seat and extended my arm, wanting Jaemin to hand me the cup of coke. Jaemin, however, completely misunderstood my intentions, putting his hand into mine, holding it gently. “Give me my drink, Jaemin.”

“Sorry,” Jaemin sheepishly smiled before he yanked back his hand and turned his head around, too embarrassed to look at me. I, on the other hand, laughed hysterically. That should’ve served him right after that emoji faux pas.

“I was kidding,” I admitted when my laughter died down. “Come on, Jaemin. Let’s go; I want to see the trailers,” I added before grabbing his hand, hauling him inside the screening room.

At the last row, we plopped down onto our double seat, getting comfortable for the movie. With our belongings thrown onto the neighboring seat, we stretched our limbs before the lights went out, providing us with the best viewing experience.

“Do you think they’ve seen it?” Jaemin whispered into my ear as he placed his head on my shoulders. “I want to check it, but at the same time, I don’t.”

“Mood,” I replied, feeling just as anxious.

The movie began, and we quickly forgot about our bold social media statement, focusing much more on the screening. Residing to our typical behavior, Jaemin placed his head on my shoulder, snuggling closer, taking full advantage of the bucket of popcorn, which rested on my thighs.

It was peaceful and comfortable – just as things were before Jaemin had come up with his brilliant idea to fake-date each other for the sake of that ludicrous bet. Though we acted the way we used to with each other, it felt somewhat different with that supposed romantic connotations haunting us. Not necessarily bad kind of different, though.

Just as we expected, two hours was more than enough for our friends to spam our individual inboxes. We both had dozens of messages from group chats, as well as private ones. All of them were asking and/or speculating what happened and why.

“I don’t feel like answering any of these,” I muttered, dreading to read what Ten and Jiwoo wrote on our roomies’ group chat. “I don’t feel like coming home, either. They’re gonna eat me alive with questions. I am not ready to face them yet. Wanna hang out some more?”

“Fuck, even my mom has seen them,” Jaemin cursed under his breath, completely forgetting about his mother being a mad keen Instagram user. Now, when he looked at our arrangement from a slightly different angle, Jaemin realized it brought way more consequences than he was planning on facing.

It was bad.

Really bad.

With shaky hands, I unlocked my phone, checking the Instagram post Jaemin had tagged me in. Not only our friends flooded the group chats, but also, they didn’t forget to embarrass us even further in the comment section.

lucas_xx444: what the heck??? 😧 is this for real???

yuu_taa_1026: finally!!1 maybe they stop simping for each other now 🤡

_jeongjaehyun: another man down, shame 😔

choi.jiwoo21: 🙄🙄 some men actually grow up, jeong…

mama_nana: Why am I only finding about this now?

“Well… fuck,” I murmured under my breath, still unable to process the fact that Jaemin’s mom knew about it. It was supposed to be a harmless charade; however, with each passing minute, it was getting out of hand. “What is the damage control procedure?” I asked in concern, biting the bottom lip nervously. Lying to our friends was pretty bad, but keeping this relationship thingy up in front of his mother was despicable.

“You know how she is,” Jaemin started, and I sighed, wishing I had no clue of what she was capable of. Unfortunately, I did, and it scared the hell out of me. “Either we go and visit her, or she’s coming to visit us,” he wondered, unable to choose which option was worse. “Fuck, she’s calling me. What do I do?”

With panic flashed in his eyes, Jaemin handed me his phone, expecting me to handle the conversation with his gossip-girl type of a mother. As if that would ever happen…

“Pick up and tell her we’re awfully busy or something,” I ordered him, gliding my finger across the screen, pressing the device against Jaemin’s ear.

“Hi, mom,” he spoke through gritted teeth, staring at me in absolute fury. Quickly, his hand cupped mine before he grabbed the phone, adjusting it.

By Jaemin’s mom’s standards, the conversation was brief. Or rather, her monologue was because Jaemin didn’t speak a single word through the entirety of it. Except for a couple of mmm’s thrown here and there, he didn’t engage at all.

Ideally, Jaemin would schedule the visit after we will have broken up. He’d go there by himself and tell her a story of us coming back to our senses and deciding to remain just friends. Unfortunately, that would require at least one functional brain cell and a pinch of assertiveness – both of which Jaemin seemed to lack.

“And?” I inquired, praying to hear some good news.

With a sheepish smile, Jaemin cautiously looked up at me. “We’re visiting her for dinner on Friday,” he announced, and I gripped my hands, trying to refrain myself from beating the shit out of him.

I didn’t sign up for any of this!

I just wanted some shoes.

“I hate you, Na Jaemin,” I angrily declared, storming out of the cinema, ready to indulge myself with plenty of greasy food. It wasn’t the best coping mechanism, but I needed to consume a ridiculous amount of calories in order to forget I was stupid enough to agree to participate in this travesty. “Are you coming or not?!”

 ***

The last thing I wanted was to face my roommates. They must’ve had dozens of questions about this out-of-the-blue date, and I was dreadful because I couldn’t provide them with genuine answers. Perhaps, I could try to confabulate my way out of this, but it was, nonetheless, risky.

Having eaten at least two servings of a delicious greasy meal Jaemin and I went for a stroll under the pretense of taking some more photos for future references.

Around 8 o’clock, I unwillingly made my way home. Even with that romantic aura lurking around us, it was still fun to hang out with Jaemin.

Walking up the stairs to the fourth floor, I wondered about possible solutions to my problem. In a perfect scenario, I’d sneak into my room without anyone noticing, so I wouldn’t have to deal with any prying questions until, at least, early morning.

Unfortunately, the moment I pulled out my keys, the doors swung wide open.

“Well, well, well…” Ten tsked with a mischievous smirk dancing across his gorgeous face. Asshole. How dare he tsk me? “Had fun on your date?” He asked, and I tried my best to ignore him. It wasn’t that easy, though. With Jiwoo backing up his teasing, I was outnumbered.

“So… you and Jaemin, huh?” Jiwoo mused, cocking up her eyebrow in curiosity. “Spill the tea. I didn’t spam your inbox to not hear all the details,” she added, and I rolled my eyes, regretting all of my poor life choices that led me to this moment.

“I’ll bring wine,” Ten hollered before he disappeared in the kitchen, also keen on knowing everything that had happened between us. “Don’t say anything until I get there!”

They wanted to hear a romantic story of how two friends realized they had hots for each other, and that’s exactly what I did. Unwillingly, I provided them with an incredible piece of fiction of how we felt the spark when Jaemin stopped by the other day.

Admittedly, it was easy to go with the flow once the wine molecules were coursing through my veins. With some liquid inspiration in my bloodstream, I narrated how adorable Jaemin had been when he had gathered enough courage to ask me out on a date.

“So I assume you’re bringing Jaemin to the cabin on the weekend,” Jiwoo inquired in a teasing manner, and I blinked in confusion. What cabin was she talking about? “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“Forgot about what?” I asked, still clueless about the whole ordeal. With a confused frown, I wondered what this cabin trip was about. Positively, I didn’t forget about it. It’s impossible to forget about plans you weren’t even invited to.

So, Jiwoo explained everything in great detail.

Apparently, Jaehyun and Johnny planned a weekend getaway to the cabin by the sea. They invited plenty of people, but since it’s the middle of a hectic period of exams, only a small percentage of invitees would be able to make it.

Jaehyun, Johnny, and Lucas gave up trying to get the best grades two semesters ago, so their schedule was pretty much open. Renjun, Chenle, and Yeri were nerds with every necessary book memorized by heart, so they didn’t have to cram the weekend before the tests. Jiwoo, being heads over heels in love with Jaehyun, would even cancel her manicure appointment to make it to that trip. She was that serious about this fratboy for some reason…

And now, two individuals needed a perfect excuse to ditch an uncomfortable family dinner. When a chance presented itself in front of me, I just couldn’t say no.

“I’m going. I don’t know about Jaemin, though. He’s meeting his mom on Friday, but maybe he can make it work.”

“Fantastic,” Jiwoo shouted in excitement before finishing her glass of wine.

“Now, when I think about it, I am glad I’ve taken an extra shift at the gym,” Ten chimed in with a playful smirk as he sipped his wine. “You two simping for each other was painful to watch, but now, when you’re hitting it off, it’s gonna be unbearable.”

“What do you mean simping?” I yelled in a threatening manner, ready to fight him for spitting nonsense so carelessly. I might’ve had a tiny crush on Jaemin, but I wouldn’t call it simping. Also, suggesting the simping was mutual? He must’ve lost his freaking mind. Ridiculous!

“Shit, I didn’t think this through,” Jiwoo mentioned, now probably re-considering if the trip is worthwhile. She would love to hang out with Jaehyun and finally make a move, but on the other hand, she would have to deal with my and Jaemin’s romantic shenanigans.

“Why are you such drama queens? We’ve been on one date, for crying out loud! Stop acting like we’re some kind of overly touchy couple because we’re not,” I barked, having no more energy to argue with them. “We’ll keep PDA to a minimum, don’t worry.”

“No need to get so defensive,” Ten added, enjoying my misery a bit too much.

“I am not getting defensive,” I argued, though facing real trouble, unable to actually back up my perspective. “Anyway, I am going to sleep. Unlike the two of you, some people have real jobs,” I added before storming to my room, plopping onto my bed with a tired groan.

Having changed into my pajamas and sneaked under the covers, I finally dared to connect my phone to the Internet. My inbox was full of texts, so I read them all. I didn’t feel like replying to any of them, though. Instead, I opened my chat with Jaemin.

my love 💖 | 20:41 | I figured it out

my love 💖 | 20:41 | You don’t have to thank me

my love  💖 | 20:41 | Also

my love 💖 | 20:41 | Wtf Jaemin?

my love 💖 | 20:41 | What kind of name is that???

my love 💖 | 20:42 | Change it back

baNANA 🍓 |  20:43 | No. 😘

baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | The name stays

baNANA 🍓 | 20:43 | You can’t make me 😝😝

baNANA 🍓 | 20:44 | And what don’t I have to thank you for?

my love 💖 | 20:44 | I might’ve found alternative plans for friday

baNANA 🍓 | 20:44 | Oh???

my love 💖 | 20:45 | Jiwoo invited us to the cabin for the weekend

my love 💖 | 20:45 | We’re gonna get so drunk!

my love 💖 | 20:45 | It’s okay if you can’t make it, tho

baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | Wow

baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | I have an exam on Monday…

baNANA 🍓 | 20:45 | But I can make Haechan give me his notes

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | I wouldn’t miss it

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Good, then it’s a date

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Date??? 🥰🥰

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Stop being so cringy!

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Good night, love~~ 😘

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | Dream of me 😇😇😇

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Ugh.

my love 💖 | 20:46 | Disgusting 🤢🤮

baNANA 🍓 | 20:46 | I love you, too

***

As brilliant as my plan was, it fell through. Only partially, though. The little getaway was still a thing, but unfortunately, regardless of how much we tried, we couldn’t reschedule the dinner at Jaemin’s family home.

We still had to pay his parents a visit, but, at least, there was a silver lining.

Thanks to our hectic schedule, Jaemin’s mom wouldn’t have a chance to force us to stay longer. Whether she wanted to feed us dessert or stay the night, it was out of the question.

Since Jiwoo had one more exam to pass on Friday, half of the guests would have to show up later in the evening. Johnny, Jaehyun, Lucas, and Renjun were about to take off around noon while Jiwoo, Yeri, Chenle, Jaemin, and I had to carpool later in the evening.

I didn’t complain, though.

“It’ll be fine. It’s just my mom,” Jaemin reassured me, slipping his hand into mine, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I bet it’s gonna be like any other time you stopped by,” he added, and I cocked up my eyebrow suspiciously.

“You better be right,” I spoke, though still unconvinced. I knew Jaemin’s mother. She had a tendency to be, hmm…, a little bit extra. Who knew how she would behave now when she found out we were dating?

Since Jaemin was carrying our suitcases, I knocked on the front doors. Jaemin’s mom rushed to let us in, but not before she gave us bone-crushing hugs.

“I think you’ve misunderstood. I invited you for dinner. I didn’t ask you to move in with me,” Mrs. Na jested upon seeing the suitcases in Jaemin’s hands, misinterpreting the situation in the funniest way possible. “It must be shocking, but I enjoy living alone with your father.”

“We’re going to the beach with some friends after the dinner,” Jaemin clarified, and his mother hummed in understanding, acting a bit too cool about it. It’s been a while since Jaemin paid them a proper visit, and she was a little too nonchalant for my liking. “They’re going to pick us up around seven.”

She must’ve done something or was about to do something.

“Here’s some wine,” I spoke up, handing her the bottle as a small thank you gift for inviting us over for a delicious home-made meal.

“Thank you, dear. You’re so thoughtful,” Mrs. Na accepted the beverage, guiding us to the dining area. “I didn’t feel like cooking today, so I ordered some Chinese takeout. I hope you don’t mind,” she added, and I chuckled at her typical antics.

She was an amazing mother to Jaemin, raising him well, but she really was a terrible housewife. She didn’t change one bit, and I loved her for it. She had so much love for her husband, her son, and her son’s friends, and that’s what really mattered.

“Your father will be home in thirty,” she announced before she made a beeline to the kitchen to get a bottle opener. “And the takeout was supposed to arrive twenty minutes ago. If it weren’t for that slow delivery guy, I would’ve got away with my little secret,” she blabbered, laughing awkwardly.

“It’s okay, really,” I reassured her, sending her a genuine smile. “I am craving Chinese food, anyway,” I added before I elbowed Jaemin, so he would say something, too. For a blabbermouth he was, right now, he seemed awfully quiet.

Before Jaemin managed to provide his mother with a proper response, someone knocked on the doors. Since we had already arrived, it must’ve been the delivery guy with food.

“I’ll go get it,” Jaemin excused himself, leaving me alone with his mother.

“So…,” Mrs. Na cleared her throat as he began pouring wine into fancy glasses. “You guys are finally dating. And if you want me to be completely honest, I am a little bit disappointed,” she made a pause to look at me in the eye. What? She didn’t approve of me? That’s surprising; I used to think she adored me. “I am a little bit disappointed either of you didn’t make a move sooner. I was slowly losing hope,” she added, and I sighed in relief.

For a while, I was seriously concerned she didn’t like me.

“Are you expecting any guests? There’s no way we can finish it all by the four of us,” Jaemin commented as he walked into the dining room, setting two plastic bags of takeout. It smelled heavenly, and I couldn’t wait to taste whatever dish Mrs. Na had ordered.

“I can always invite your friends inside when they pull up,” she spoke matter-of-factly, but as soon as Jaemin looked at her sternly, she seconded that idea. “Or, I can pack it up, so you can share it with your friends later.”

“Should we wait for dad?” Jaemin asked when his stomach growled, demanding food. In the morning, he was quite anxious about going to his parents’ house, so he didn’t even bother to eat. Now, Jaemin was starving. He couldn’t wait any longer.

“I’ll get the plates,” his mom spoke, not really answering his question. Within two minutes, she came back with a special set of tableware. In their household, it was used only for holidays and other rare occasions. “Dig in,” she urged us, waiting for us to fill our plates before doing the same herself.

Whatever restaurant provided today’s dinner, it was remarkable. It wasn’t too salty, nor too spicy. Even when I was full, I still stuffed my mouth some more, unable to stop myself.

“You have sauce on your chin,” Jaemin remarked, pointing at his own chin, helping me locate the stray drop of soy sauce. “Here,” he added with a tired shake of his head, wiping it clean with his napkin.

“You two are too adorable,” Mrs. Na cooed, smiling at us widely. “It was worth the wait,” she added, and I creased my forehead in confusion. “Oh, did you hear that? It must be your dad,” Mrs. Na said upon hearing noise from the garage. “You keep eating, I’ll go greet his workaholic ass,” she excused herself with a playful smile before walking away from the table to welcome her husband as any loving wife would.

With a deep sigh, Jaemin leaned toward me, resting his arm on my chair.

“It’s not that bad, actually. I was excepting to go through some kind of FBI-level of interrogation, but she seems kind of chill about this whole thing,” Jaemin whispered into my ear, and I giggled, agreeing with him. It was kind of suspicious, but I couldn’t complain.

“It’s kinda creepy when she’s talking like she’s been rooting for us to end up together, but this one thing aside, it’s bearable,” I replied, and Jaemin nodded his head.

“I am gone for a minute, and you’re all over each other,” Mrs. Na snickered when she returned to the dining room, seeing Jaemin leaned in, only inches apart from my face. “Jaemin, mama’s so proud,” she added before she walked around the room to set the plate for Mr. Na.

“Stop embarrassing me,” Jaemin whined, playing with the food on his plate, pouting. Though his mother pretty much ignored his childish tantrum, I chuckled, finding it absolutely adorable. Maybe she was a teaser, but little Jaemin knew, he inherited it from her. It was time he experienced the taste of his own medicine.

The apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree…

The rest of the afternoon went peaceful. Though Mrs. Na threw in some cheesy remarks here and there, we could handle it. We were slightly buzzed, after all.

“It’s time for us,” Jaemin announced as he heard a car parked in front of the house. “It was nice. We should totally do it again,” he sarcastically added when he reached for my coat and helped me put it on.

“Don’t have too much fun,” she added with a playful smirk upon her face, earning a judging look from her more conservative husband. “No, wait, I second that. Have as much fun as you want. I am a cool parent,” she spoke, changing her mind in a matter of seconds. “And I plan on becoming a cool grandparent.”

At first, I wanted to remind her that we’re too young for children. Besides, technically, we only went on one date. It was definitely too soon to even think about these things, let alone talk about them out loud.

Thankfully, before I managed to say something I’d regret, Jiwoo honked, urging us to get going. If it wasn’t for her impatience, I might’ve ruined the image I had built for myself in Jaemin’s parents’ eyes.

“Your mother was joking! Always use protection,” Mr. Na hollered before he closed the doors after us.

***

Except for a few playful comments shot toward Jaemin and me, the ride was peaceful. As soon as we threw our suitcases into the trunk and squeezed in on the backseat, we hit the road. Jamming to Jiwoo’s playlist, we chatted in excitement, all of us in desperate need of a little vacation. It was a stressful time of a year, but maybe this short trip would actually help us recharge the batteries and calm down after busting our asses off.

“How was the dinner?” Jiwoo asked, staring at us in the rearview mirror. Since there was a limited amount of space, I was almost sitting on Jaemin’s laps. Jiwoo didn’t miss it with her eagle eyes. The way Jaemin played with my fingers didn’t go unnoticed, either.

“Bearable,” I muttered under my breath, not really wanting to recollect these memories now. I’d probably tell Jiwoo everything later, and she understood the subliminal message in a heartbeat. “How was your test?”

“I probably failed, but, at least, now I know what to expect,” Jiwoo answered as she turned to the left as the navigation system instructed her to.

In about two hours, we arrived at our destination.

Having stepped into the cabin with our heavy luggage in our hands, we encountered the middle of the party. A handful of beer bottles were scattered around the living area, the boys fervently discussing some matter.

“You’re finally here,” Jaehyun spoke matter-of-factly, as he noticed us in the threshold. “Go upstairs and leave your stuff in your rooms. We’ve already assigned them; just read the post-it notes stuck to the doors,” he explained before he turned away.

Huh, apparently, they were pros at planning.

The guys rented a cabin that consisted of six tiny bedrooms. Generally, we wouldn’t have a problem assigning them; however, since Jaehyun, Lucas, and Johnny didn’t want to room with anyone, we were facing a dilemma. They guys wanted to have some privacy if they managed to pick someone up at the hotel in the neighborhood. In this case, the six of us had to share rooms. Jiwoo and Yeri could room together. Renjun and Chenle could occupy another one, so it looked like they put Jaemin and me in the last one.

Thankfully, it wouldn’t be the first time when I had to share a bed with Jaemin. He had stayed the night plenty of times before when he dozed off during our Netflix marathons. However, it still was to be a little bit awkward since everybody thought we began dating. We were going to pull through, though.

As soon as possible, we came back downstairs, ready to even the score of consumed alcohol. All of us needed it. Everybody had a different reason for it, but none of our troubles were to be discussed tonight.

In the fridge, there was a whole palette of different types of alcohol. Quickly, I grabbed two tequila-flavored beers, handing one to Jaemin, allowing others to choose their poison.

My plan for tonight was to test every kind of alcohol, gradually going up with the percentages. It was a bad idea, but that’s what college was about – having fun like there’re no consequences.

We partied like there’s no tomorrow.

At first, we kept it simple. Fervent conversations led us to shout at one another, trying to force one perspective over the others. We were going through so many subjects that any sober bystander might’ve had real trouble comprehending how we managed to switch among them.

Then, someone suggested playing a drinking game. Of course, it had to be never have I ever. Everybody had so much fun, especially when the participants yelled at Jaemin and me because we didn’t even bother to abide by the rules. We were sipping our drinks whenever we felt like it, even between rounds, and it didn’t sit right with the rest. Eventually, they kicked us out of their little circle, giving us the crucial task of bringing some snacks from the kitchen.

Sometime past midnight, Jiwoo proposed going outside. It was beautifully snowing, but at the same time, it was freezing. Though I was opposed to this idea, everybody seemed to love it. The guys were throwing snowballs at each other, bringing out their inner child.

As if this wasn’t enough, they decided to take a stroll to the seaside. Though our cabin was maybe a mile away from the seashore, I didn’t particularly fancy the saunter. Jaemin was by my side, offering to warm my hand in his pocket, but I still was on the verge of freezing my ass off. I’d much rather sit by the fireplace under a few blankets with a mug of the mulled wine in my grasp. Apparently, everybody besides me was really intrigued by an ice bath and other winter extreme sports.

Though it was dangerous as fuck, Jiwoo took off her shoes and rolled up her jeans before she walked into the ice water of the sea. Being the dumbass he was, Lucas instantly followed suit.

“They seem to hit it off tonight,” I nonchalantly whispered as I elbowed Jaehyun. Jiwoo and Jaehyun might have a thing going on, but neither of them acted on it. Jiwoo was too whipped to make a move, too afraid of rejection. Jaehyun, on the other hand, was just a fuckboy, not really looking for a relationship. “Look at them. Don’t they look cute?” I carried on, cautiously watching Jaehyun’s expression. They weren’t together, but he seemed slightly jealous and frustrated watching her have lots of fun with Lucas.

In my opinion, he didn’t deserve her, but I didn’t really have a say in that matter. Jaehyun was the person Jiwoo’s heart longed for, and I, being her best friend, had to support that. Or, in this case, I had to give him a little push to get things in motion.

Jaehyun had some feelings for Jiwoo, but he needed some time and character development to fully comprehend them. Until then, it was my duty to remind him what he’s missing out on by not being serious enough to ask her out.

“Nah, I wouldn’t call them cute,” Jaehyun murmured through gritted teeth, positively jealous. “What they’re doing is dangerous; somebody has to stop them,” he added before he kicked off his own shoes, running toward Jiwoo to pick her up and bring her back to the shore.

“What was that?” Jaemin asked, being shook as to what he had witnessed.

“What was what? What do you mean?” I smirked, winking at him, hoping he wouldn’t tell anyone about it. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You played him,” Jaemin spoke, still impressed by how easily I manipulated Jaehyun into stepping into the scene, pulling Jiwoo away from Lucas. “Is this even legal? You’ve never done this one me, have you?”

“No, of course, not! Don’t be ridiculous,” I answered, though my tone suggested a completely different message. “You would’ve known, wouldn’t you?” I teased, chuckling at Jaemin’s funny expression. He was mortified. “I think you’re overreacting. I just pointed out some facts, and Jaehyun reacted to them according to his emotional opinion. I really didn’t do anything,” I added, defending my case.

“Don’t you ever try pulling a trick like that on me, okay?” Jaemin stated, and I nodded, giving him a promise. “I mean… I wouldn’t fall for it, but still, don’t.”

“We should head back to the cabin,” Johnny shouted, gathering the gang. Surprisingly, he seemed the most sober amongst us, so it didn’t come as a shock to me that he tried to look after his hammered friends.

In my opinion, it was a perfect call. I was slowly sobering up, and I definitely needed a refill. With my schedule packed, I had no idea when I would have a chance for another getaway, so I had to make the most out of this one.

As we returned to the cabin, Jaehyun’s eyes didn’t leave Jiwoo.

Jaemin, on the other hand, went upstairs to grab his camera, deciding it was the best time to snap photos. Of course, he had to take pictures of us when we were drunk out of our minds. Why didn’t he take any when we looked decent without smudged make-up?

“Sexy,” Jaemin commented as he pointed his camera at me. “Ahh, sexy,” he kept calling me that, and I stuck my tongue at him, wanting him to go away pester someone else. My hair was a mess, and my lipstick smudged off my lips a long time ago. “So sexy,” he carried on, making me roll my eyes at him. At some point, I tried kicking him, but that bastard was beyond my reach.

Around 2 o’clock, one by one, we began feeling tired.

Lucas was the first one to go. Considering how much alcohol he had drunk, I was surprised he lasted that long. Better yet, it was a shock he could even stand straight. Jaemin and Renjun had to escort him upstairs, but nonetheless, his alcohol tolerance was impressive.

I didn’t even realize when, but Yeri and Chenle managed to fall asleep on the couch. Firmly, Renjun shook them away, ordering them to go to their respective rooms. With tired yawns, they made their way upstairs, falling on their beds face-first.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Jaemin pouted as he sat on the side of the armchair, resting his head on my shoulder. Entwining his hand in mine, he stood up, pulling me up.

“Have fun, guys. We’re calling it a night,” I announced, refraining from yawning.

“No, you have fun,” Jiwoo replied, sending us a wink. Shaking my head, I sighed before we disappeared upstairs. I don’t know what she was thinking; however, I didn’t have the energy to keep my eyes open, let alone other nighttime activities. Besides, Jaemin was just as spent. Even if we were in a real relationship, we wouldn’t engage in half-conscious unsatisfactory messy sex.

“Come here,” Jaemin whispered as he smiled. His eyes were already closed as he patted the mattress beside him, waiting for me to join. “Good job. I think we really sold it to everybody,” he added as he snuggled closer, wrapping his limbs around my body.

“That’s good,” I purred, slowly drifting into dreamland. It was a long day, and it was finally over. Though it had a rough beginning, I ended it in Jaemin’s arms. “Good night.”

“Good night, my love,” Jaemin muttered, resting his head on my pillow right beside my face.

“You were supposed to change that name,” I replied, too drunk or/and too tired to realize it was his spoken words and not a text message.

 ***

During the second week of our relationship, we grew to be less tense around each other. Better yet, we seemed awfully comfortable, almost as if that’s how everything was meant to be. It was a little bit alarming, but I decided not to point that out. Even if it was just an act, I enjoyed it much more than I’d ever dare to admit. As long as it lasted, I was to savor it.

Ever since we came back from the weekend trip, Jaemin would pop up out of nowhere at least once a day with a surprise for me, proving how over the top he could be in courting a woman.

On Monday, he spammed his social media feed with my pictures from the trip. Of course, he didn’t forget to put a corny description under it, making me flustered. Even though I wouldn’t consider myself photogenic, Jaemin managed to bring out my best features with his photography talent and editing skills.

On Tuesday, Jaemin was waiting outside the auditorium with a cute bouquet of my favorite flowers – white roses. He was there to congratulate me on passing my last exam of the semester. The professor would send us results by the end of the week, but according to Jaemin, there was no chance I’d fail it.

“I still don’t get it how you do it,” Jaemin mused, scratching his temple, trying to put two and two together. “I hardly ever see you study, but then, you panic before an exam only to nail it later on. What kind of black magic is this?” He wondered, and I giggled, unable to explain my poor studying technique. I just winged it last minute every single time in my academic career.

“You better be right about this one,” I replied, still anxious about my grade. I didn’t manage to answer all of the questions, so a passing grade would be a relief. “I’m craving pasta. Do you want t go on a celebratory date?”

“You’re reading my mind,” Jaemin said, grabbing my hand, leading me to our favorite restaurant.

On Wednesday, Jaemin invited me to a bowling alley. Every month he would visit the establishment with his friends. Only on rare occasions, their significant others were invited. None of them could really commit to a serious relationship, so it never became a repetitive custom of their group.

“You guys are disgusting,” Haechan whined after our turn. Jaemin and I were losing by an enormous margin, but we didn’t mind. We were having fun despite a low score. “But at least, we’re winning,” Haechan added, pointing at Chenle and himself.

“I am the winner here,” Jaemin boldly announced, giving my hand a light squeeze, making me almost spit my soda.

Everybody cringed at Jaemin’s bold corny statement.

“I second that,” Haechan mused, looking away from Jaemin. “She’s bearable, and you are just absolutely repulsive,” he corrected himself, and I chuckled. Never in my entire life, I thought I would agree on something with Haechan, but this moment occurred right then.

On Thursday, although my schedule was packed with work, Jaemin insisted on hanging out. Tired out of my mind, I let Jaemin inside the apartment. He was carrying Mexican takeout; I couldn’t send him back home. Not when he had goodies.

“What do you want to watch?” I asked as I handed him the remote, allowing him to choose the movie. I was going to pass out anyway, so he might’ve as well picked something he liked.

“Anything is good,” he answered as he unwrapped his quesadilla, taking a bite off of it.

“The Notebook it is then,” I teased, but since Jaemin didn’t stop me, I put it on.

Having eaten my portion of a delicious meal, I lay down on the couch, resting my head on Jaemin’s thighs. I didn’t even realize when I fell asleep. Only when the credits were rolling down on the screen, Jaemin shook me awake.

“When did you fall asleep?” Jaemin inquired, a little bit mad that I forced him to watch the ultimate romantic movie of the twenty-first century. It was toxic as hell, and the way their behavior got romanticized didn’t sit right with me.

“As soon as I lay down,” I answered honestly, as I rolled around, staring at Jaemin’s handsome face. “How did you like the movie?” I asked innocently, swiftly changing the topic. It was for the better if Jaemin didn’t find out I paid no attention to the film. Instead of a great viewing experience, it was just a mere background noise that lulled me to sleep.

“I didn’t,” Jaemin whined, tapping his foot against the floor, making me sit up instantly. “It was toxic and sad at the same time. Noah was a manipulative jerk, and Allie was moody as fuck. The only bright side of their relationship is that they ended up with each other, not ruining other people’s lives,” Jaemin spoke the truth, and I couldn’t agree more. “In conclusion, give me my 2 hours back,” he added, and I hit him with a cushion.

Unable to comprehend what I just did, Jaemin blinked in confusion. Then, a few seconds later, he smirked and grabbed another cushion, ready to fight back.

Unfortunately, our childish antics were interrupted by Jiwoo. She was hanging out with Yuta, studying for the exam they had to retake the next day. To be completely honest, she couldn’t have any worse timing. While watching a movie was explainable, it wasn’t the case when it came to an impromptu pillow fight.

“Should I come back later, or something?” Jiwoo asked, pointing at the doors, willing to leave if it meant for me to get laid.

“Nah, Jaemin’s leaving. I am trying to kick him out, actually,” I announced, sticking my tongue out.

On Friday, Jaemin and I planned on going to the arcade. Unfortunately, we had to raincheck that. One of Jaemin’s coworkers fell sick, and Jaemin had to take a double shift at the coffee shop in his neighborhood.

I already had canceled my other plans to hang out with Jaemin, so I didn’t really want to stay at home all by myself. It was a Friday night, after all. Surprising him at work seemed like a better idea. His friends liked hanging out there; therefore, it must’ve been an excellent excuse for a little bit of acting in order to keep up appearances.

Quickly, I assembled a cute outfit and put on light make-up.

About an hour before the closing, I entered the coffee shop. Except for a few students with their noses in their computers, the establishment was empty.

“Welcome to–,” Jaemin hollered, ready to welcome the customers. “Oh, it’s you. What are you doing here?” He asked as a wide smile spread across his face, enjoying my surprise.

“I just came to surprise you,” I confessed, though none of us paid enough attention to the gravity of my words. I genuinely wanted to hang out Jaemin him as his girlfriend. “And I also wanted to get some discounted goodies. What do you have left?” I asked, looking over his shoulder, trying to see what food didn’t sell yet. An hour before the closing, everything on the menu was discounted by seventy percent, and I just couldn’t walk past that kind of deal.

“You’re not the only one who came for cheap stuff,” Jaemin commented as he saw Haechan and Renjun on the other side of the doors. “Take a seat, I’ll bring you your favorite,” he added, and I smiled at him, walking to the booth by the window.

Having finished my Greek sandwich, I focused on my cup of tea. I was scrolling through social media feed, giggling whenever I stumbled upon a funny meme. It was a perfect evening; complete relaxation in the rhythm of soft foreign jazz music playing through speakers, Jaemin checking up on me once every a couple of minutes.

“Oh, hi, there,” Haechan hollered as soon as he noticed me. He must’ve been returning to his table from a restroom. “I didn’t realize you’re here. What’s up?” We weren’t close, so his question was more like a polite generic statement rather than genuine curiosity.

“I’m waiting for Jaemin to finish, so we can hang out at my place,” I answered, hoping Haechan would get the suggestive tone.

“Actually, there’s something you should know,” he said quietly, looking around, probably checking if Jaemin was within earshot. “I am so ashamed it happened, but I really have to tell you something,” Haechan added, and I couldn’t wait for him to reveal the secret.

Haechan was playing dirty. He wanted to tell me about the bet, ruining Jaemin’s chance at getting me to sleep with him. It was some top-tier double-crossing, and I found it impressive. I had no clue Haechan had it in him.

“We shouldn’t have done it. I don’t know why we even agreed to this,” Haechan added, scratching the back of his head, trying to sound genuinely regretful. “I think Jaemin’s not genuine about the thing you have going on. You see, we made a bet. He has to have sex with you, or else he owes Chenle 500 bucks.”

“What?!” I exclaimed, hoping my consternation was believable. At first, I felt the temptation to say something along, yeah, I know, what’s new, but then I decided to play along. It was actually a good idea to make it seem like Jaemin’s about to lose the bet. Knowing them, they wouldn’t call it off. If anything, Jaemin could double the stakes. “No, it can’t be true. Jaemin would never –“

Now, it was my cue to make a scene. Hopefully, it would play out exactly like in my impromptu prediction.

Reaching the stage of fake hysteria, I rose from my seat and stormed to Jaemin. He was energetically wiping off the tables, wanting to leave shortly after the last customer.

“Is that true? Did you really make a bet you can have sex with me?” I yelled at him through gritted teeth. Jaemin, on the other hand, was confused as fuck. “Did you really think you could get away with it? You disgust me!” I shouted, slapping his cheek. “Don’t ever call me again,” I added before I turned on my heel, storming out of the coffee shop.

Being the only employee at work, Jaemin couldn’t run after me.

Jaemin deserved an explanation. I had to fill him in on my wonderful plan before he would blow it in front of Renjun and Haechan.

my love 💖 | 20:46 | play along

my love 💖 | 20:46 | trust me

my love 💖 | 20:47 | kick them out pls

baNANA  🍓  | 20:47 | wtf???

baNANA 🍓  | 20:48 | that hurt

baNANA 🍓  | 20:48 | I didn’t have to kick them out

baNANA  🍓 | 20:49 | they ran out a few seconds after you

my love 💖 | 20:49 | good

baNANA 🍓  | 20:49 | what the hell is going on???

baNANA  🍓  | 20:50 | I am confused

my love 💖 | 20:50 | Haechan ‘told’ me about the bet

my love 💖 | 20:50 | he wanted to double cross you

baNANA  🍓  | 20:51 | what???

my love 💖 | 20:51 | so the plan is

my love 💖 | 20:51 | they know you don’t stand a chance

my love 💖 | 20:51 | so you double the stakes

my love 💖 | 20:52 | and then bam! we win double the money

baNANA  🍓  | 20:52 | wow

baNANA  🍓  | 20:52 | you’re a genius

my love 💖 | 20:53 | I know

my love 💖 | 20:53 | and since I’m acting like I’m not talking to you

my love 💖 | 20:53 | bye 

my love 💖 | 20:54 | see you @ the party!

 ***

Everything went according to my plan. The guys thought I was pissed with Jaemin, while Jaemin still tried to convince them he stands a chance to court me. It was kind of ironic, they wanted to play me, but it was them getting played.

Together with Jiwoo and Ten, we came extra early to Jaehyun’s party. Still being stuck in friendzone, Jiwoo went out of her way to help him out. Today it meant setting up all types of decorations all over the fraternity house and preparing different kinds of snacks.

Around seven, an Uber pulled up in front of our building. Not to brag, but despite the limited amount of time, we managed to dress up to the nines.

I decided to keep it simple. My outfit consisted of a pair of skinny high-waisted black jeans, a long-sleeved sequin embellished crop top, and a pair of ankle-high boots.

Jiwoo, on the other hand, was wearing a two-piece baby pink dress and a pair of massive mid-thigh black leather platform combat boots. She looked fierce, like a weird baby of 90’s Britney Spears and Marilyn Mason.

Though Ten’s outfit looked the most effortless, it took him longer than us to put it together. Having thrown every single thing from his closet on the bed, Ten experienced a mild crisis. Even though he looked gorgeous in everything, he didn’t seem to believe us. Only after the off-hand intervention, he agreed to play it cool with a pair of ripped jeans, a black shirt with three top buttons left untouched, and an oversized leather jacket.

Once we arrived at Jaehyun’s fraternity, nothing was ready. Thankfully, it wasn’t my problem. Jiwoo was the one who volunteered to help out. Ten and I were about to vibe in the corner, letting other people arrange the place according to Jaehyun’s vision.

Trying our best not to disturb others, Ten and I watched the way the smelly fraternity sex mansion turned into a festive valentine’s manor.

“I hope she’s gonna get laid today,” I whispered into Ten’s ear, looking at Jiwoo working like a busy bee around the house.

“She better; that’s really painful to look at,” Ten agreed, looking a little bit disappointed. Jiwoo was at Jaehyun’s beck and call, and it was about time he acknowledged her feelings.

Around nine o’clock, it was getting a little bit crowded.

Music was blasting through the speakers. Some of the fratboys were already looking for their next conquest. Girls were dancing on a makeshift dance floor in the middle of the living area, suggestively swaying their hips, teasing whoever was watching with their sexy moves.

Later on, when I was in the middle of my fourth drink of the night, Jaemin finally showed up. Together with Haechan, Jeno, Renjun, and Chenle, they walked through the threshold. They all looked great, but Jaemin stood out in the crowd. After all, he was the only one to put on a suit jacket over his white T-shirt. While the rest rocked the comfortable outfits, Jaemin opted for a more elegant look.

Almost as if he wanted to impress someone. Or at least, apologize properly, trying every sly trick to make me forgive him.

Upon entrance, his eyes searched me in the crowd, and when he met my gaze, a smile stretched across his face. Shyly, he raised his hand, wanting to wave at me, but since I stubbornly turned my head around, playing my role of offended woman, he lowered it.

“I’ve seen an ATM on our way here,” Renjun commented, knowing Jaemin didn’t stand a chance of winning the bet.

“It won’t be necessary,” Jaemin replied, following me with his gaze. “I didn’t lose it yet,” he added, and the guys laughed at him. There was no way he still thought he could woo me. “I still have a few hours left; I am not going to give up.”

“You’re such a loser,” Jeno interjected as regret washed through him. Although he didn’t actively participate when the bet was placed, he didn’t oppose it. He was an idle bystander, allowing other people to ruin our friendship. It didn’t sit right with him, but it was too late. The damage was already done, and Jaemin was going to embarrass himself even further. “She doesn’t deserve any of this.”

“It’s not like that,” Jaemin started, but he refused to explain how exactly it was like.

“You’re still gonna fail,” Haechan added with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. Back at the coffee shop, he ruined Jaemin’s chance for success. “Hey there, beautiful,” Haechan spoke when his attention was snatched by one of the girls who walked past them.

Once the boys divided to greet other friends, Jaemin strolled to the kitchen. I was there, and he needed to initiate the first step of our plan.

Sincere apology.

“Can we talk?” Jaemin whispered as he reached out to grab my hand, interrupting my conversation with Ten and Yeri. “Let me explain. You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to listen to me,” he asked, and I unwillingly complied, letting him lead me toward an abandoned corner in the living area. No one could hear us talk, but at the same time, everybody could see us.

“What do you want, Jaemin,” I barked, folding my arms across my chest, startling myself with how good I managed to behave like an angry ex-girlfriend. Though it was my last semester, maybe I should change my major to professional acting.

“Wow. You’re too good at this,” Jaemin commented before he proceeded with his part. “Anyway, I made this card for you. I hope it finds you well,” he announced before he pulled an envelope out of the inner pocket of his suit jacket.

Cautiously, I took the valentine’s card out of the envelope. Once I saw the front page, I couldn’t help but laugh. Jaemin must’ve done it himself, or he stole it from Jeno’s four-year-old niece. It was all covered in hearty stickers and glitter.

Jaemin definitely wasn’t a poet. He had never stood next to one, either.

Instead of a heartfelt apology and love confession, there was a short corny message which simultaneously made me cringe and chuckle.

Are you a ba-NANA? Cause I find you a-peeling.

From Your Love

P.S. it’s from me, your Jaemin

“You’ve really outdone yourself,” I spoke, shaking my head, trying my best not to grin. I was supposed to hate him, but it was too difficult. “I am gonna walk away now. Approach me once you raise the stakes.”

Although I didn’t want to party without Jaemin by my side, it was what I had to do. Having sent him a faint smile, I turned around and walked away, giving Jaemin some time to initiate part two of our plan.

Having drunk a few fancy shots Ten had made for me, we hit the dance floor. At first, we just jumped in the rhythm. However, when the DJ played the song we had practiced at the dance studio, everybody stepped to the side, making enough room to let us perform the choreography.

With alcohol coursing in my system, my moves weren’t as precise as usual – they still earned a round of applause.

“Hey, hey, hey, are you having fun?” Drunk as a skunk, Jaehyun shouted through the microphone connected to the DJ’s console. “How about we slow up the tempo?” Jaehyun yelled, and everybody cheered, making a lot of noise. “Tonight’s the love festival, and I, the valentine’s boy, specifically request every find a person to slow dance with.”

Having set the microphone aside, Jaehyun pushed DJ away from the console, putting on his Cigarettes After Sex playlist. The first song which graced our ears was Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You.

“Can I have this dance?” Jaemin appeared out of nowhere by my side, extending his hand for me to take. “Please?” He looked into my eyes, waiting for my response, looking hopeful.

As soon as I nodded, Jaemin grabbed my hand and gently pulled me against his firm body, resting his left hand on my back, holding me still, making sure I’d not run away. With my head resting against his chest, we swayed slowly, getting lost in our little world.

“They think I am a terrible person,” Jaemin whispered into my ear, his breath tickling my skin. “They seriously think I’d try to ruin our friendship with this bet,” he carried on, and I hummed, taking an inhale, getting hit with Jaemin’s musky cologne.

The boys truly underestimated the power of our friendship. Jaemin and I told each other almost everything. It was bold of them to assume I had no idea about the bet.

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied as I had closed my eyes, getting lost in the moment. “Everything will come back to normal soon enough,” I added, trying to ignore the bittersweet taste of my statement. Our fake relationship had an expiration date, and it was near.

“You’re right. Everything will come back to normal,” Jaemin repeated my words as he rested his chin on top of my head, pulling me even closer. “You’re the best fake girlfriend I’ve ever had,” he added, pressing an innocent peck against my hairline.

“How many fake girlfriends have you had?” I asked, chuckling, sounding a bit jealous.

“Anyway,” Jaemin started, trying to change the subject. “The guys took the bait. And now, judging by the stupid looks on their faces, they’re shitting their pants.”

“Once the song is over, we should initiate the third phase of our plan,” I commented, wanting to be over with this. In about a minute, I was about to pull Jaemin out of the dance floor and lead him to the bathroom upstairs, where we would do the deed.

When another song from Jaehyun’s playlist echoed in the room, all the other couples kept dancing. Jaemin and I, on the other hand, were about to not so discreetly sneak upstairs.

Unfortunately, we met an obstacle on our path.

It was Jaehyun, pointing his phone at our faces.

“It’s a kiss cam. Do what you gotta do,” he spoke, and I creased my forehead in utter confusion. What the hell was he doing? What the hell was a kiss cam? It was a frat party, not a baseball match. Didn’t he have a beer pong championship to win or something?

“What?”

“Do I really have to explain this to everyone? Jesus,” Jaehyun complained, taking a deep sigh, trying to ease his irritation. “It’s Valentine’s day! I am Valentine’s boy! And this is a kiss cam. You kiss, and I take pictures,” he explained, but I wasn’t convinced. “Hurry up! I have to take like 50 more of them.”

At first, I didn’t want to do it. But then, a thought crossed my mind. Who would believe Jaemin and I had sex if I refused to give him a kiss. It was just one kiss; it wouldn’t hurt.

Having licked my lips, I smiled at Jaemin before I wrapped my hands around his neck, giving him a chaste smooch. It lasted maybe a few seconds, but it still made me uneasy. Even if it was just a brief peck, it was too much for my poor heart.

“What the fuck was that?” Jaehyun groaned in disappointment. “One more time, guys. That’s how you kiss your mother, not your girlfriend. You can do better.”

“Show him how it’s done, Jaemin,” I encouraged him, giving him permission to assault my lips, hoping it would happen to be one hell of a performance.

Having smirked, Jaemin leaned forward, pressing his lips gently against mine. Cautiously, he deepened the kiss, knocking the air out of my lungs, making my legs shake under my weight. His hands held my chin in place as his tongue slipped through my lips.

Out of a sudden, nothing else mattered. Jaemin and I were in our bubble, and despite it being a one-time thing, I wished it lasted forever. Whatever expectations I had about this moment, it wasn’t even close to reality.

Jaehyun cleared his throat, wanting to pull us out of our trance. In vain, though. I moved my lips against Jaemin’s in slow sync, letting the sweet sensation strip me of the last remains of dignity. I was to savor every second of it, basking in bliss.

“Ekhem,” Jaehyun grunted, starting to feel a little bit flustered. “You guys done?”

Once we broke apart to take a breath, Jaehyun spoke again.

“Have you seen Jiwoo, by the way?”

“Yeah, I think she went for a smoke with Lucas,” I answered casually, watching panic display on Jaehyun’s face. It was evident he didn’t fancy the newfound information. “She went outside like half an hour ago, though. I wonder what it takes them so long,” I added, planting another grain of doubt in his subconscious.

As soon as anxiety downed on him, Jaehyun bolted outside. He better, though. If Jaehyun wasn’t going to make a move on Jiwoo tonight, I was about to find another guy to ship her with.

“You did it again,” Jaemin pointed out, and I just shrugged, dismissing his comment. So what? One push in the right direction wasn’t enough for Jaehyun to grow up, so I decided to be generous enough to give him a second chance.

“Are you ready for phase three?” I asked Jaemin, but before he managed to reply, I grabbed his hand, pulling him across the dance floor. Giggling, I ran through the sea of people, not so accidentally bumping into Chenle, almost spilling his beer.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry,” I hollered, giggling. Now, when I had Chenle’s attention, we could sneak upstairs to proceed with the final step of our plan. “Come on, Jaemin, let’s go. I am horny,” I added, probably overdoing my part. Unfortunately, the words were already spoken. I couldn’t take them back.

Having locked the bathroom doors behind us, I jumped onto the countertop. “Don’t you think it’s a bit creepy they’re gonna eavesdrop on us bang? It’s kinda off-putting, you know…”

When Jaemin wanted to speak, somebody knocked on the doors. It must’ve been one of Jaemin’s friends, checking if we were indeed fucking. “It’s occupied,” Jaemin hollered, mentioning for me to start my performance.

“Fuck, Jaemin! Eat me out, already,” I yelled, pressing my hands against my mouth, trying to stifle my laugher. This situation was ridiculous, and I couldn’t help myself but giggle. I had only a few drinks, yet I felt like I was high as a kite. “Yes, like that! Ahhh…”

“Can’t wait to fuck that tight hole,” Jaemin played along, almost dying of alcohol-induced tittering. We were definitely having too much fun.

“Right there, Jaemin!” I screamed, holding my stomach as it began aching due to excessive cackling. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, right there,” I moaned loudly, kicking my head back. “Don’t tease me, please!”

“I gotta get you ready for my cock, love,” Jaemin growled, and I gasped, my mind conjuring the forbidden image®.

“Just fuck me! I need your cock inside of me now!” I groaned, hoping whoever was on the other side of the doors heard enough of what was going inside. “Mmmm… you stretch me out so well…” I purred, almost falling off the counter when another round of uncontrollable laughter tried to erupt from my throat.

“Fuck, you’re still so tight.”

“Jaemin! Fuck, I am close. Keep going,” I yelled, mentally preparing for the big finale. This whole act was a vocal performance, and it was time I finished. “I’m coming! Come with me!”

“It was spectacular,” Jaemin whispered so only I could hear him. “I have one more favor, though,” he added, shying away. Oh no, he was about to ask about something stupid.

“What is it?”

“It could’ve been some random dude,” he admitted, scratching the back of his head, unsure how to voice his supplication. “Give me your panties. It’ll be the definite proof.”

“You’re joking,” I deadpanned, staring into his eyes, waiting for him to say it was just a harmless prank. “You’re serious,” I added as soon as I realized Jaemin meant it.

“Come on, I won’t be sniffing them,” Jaemin nagged, and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t even think about it, but now that he mentioned it, I had another reason not to comply with his weird-ass request. “I’ll give them back, I promise.”

“I can’t believe I am considering this,” I cursed under my breath. If any other person would like such a favor from me, I’d deny it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, I had a soft spot for Jaemin, so denying him didn’t come easy to me.

Hell, I wouldn’t be here if I was able to say no to him.

“You owe me big time,” I caved in, jumping off the countertop, stepping behind the shower curtain, providing myself with some privacy. “Don’t peek. Even if I slip, you gotta stay on the other side. Got it?” I added as I stuck my head through the curtain.

“Scout’s honor,” Jaemin pledged, and I rolled my eyes. He was a scout for maybe a week. His honor didn’t mean shit.

Clumsily, I took off my shoes and jeans. “Here,” I warned before I threw my panties over the curtain. “I am too sober for this,” I nagged, trying to put my skinny jeans back on.

“Let’s do celebratory shots!” Jaemin suggested, balling up my undergarments, hiding them in his pocket. “We deserve it,” he added, landing me a helping hand when I was stepping out of the shower.

“Let’s go.”

***

Needless to say, Jaemin won the bet.

Unfortunately, it meant the inevitable end of our fake relationship. It was fun when it lasted, and though I’d miss these times, it was time to set the record straight.

As we had discussed, we had to arrange our break up.

Sometime next week, Jaemin stopped by to give me half of the prize. Since the boys had been stupid enough to fall for our little charade, I received a large sum of money. It was Chenle who sponsored the prize. Because of that, I didn’t feel particularly sorry about deceiving them. After all, Chenle was so loaded; he wouldn’t notice if he lost that kind of money on the street. I could finally buy these shoes which I had been dreaming of for so long! Better yet, I'd still have some money left to spoil myself some more.

“How should we do it?” Jaemin asked quietly. Ever since he came, he avoided my gaze, staring at the floor.

“I don’t know,” I unwillingly answered. This conversation was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but it had to be done. Better sooner or later, before I’d catch some real feelings for Jaemin. I had no idea how I would pick up the pieces of my broken heart if we kept this act any longer. “Let’s just delete all posts we published. Someone will figure out something’s wrong, and when they spread the word, we’ll explain we decided to remain friends.”

Maybe I wasn’t in tears, but I felt regret wash through me. Though our relationship had never been a real thing, it felt like it.

And it hurt.

“Alright then,” Jaemin complied, rubbing his hands against his thighs before he pulled out his phone to erase any digital footprint of our brief romance. His thumb hovered over the delete button for a while. After a few moments of hesitation, when he didn’t hear any sign of protest from my side, he pressed it, sending our memories to a bottomless void. “And it’s gone.”

“Are we cool?” I asked, hoping that nothing would change between us. I had a hunch it would take me some time to get used to how things had been before the relationship fiasco. Nonetheless, I still had hope we could remain best friends without any awkwardness.

“Of course,” Jaemin answered with a faint smile, but I didn’t fully believe him. Something was off, and it bothered us. Shame that none of us dared to begin this topic.

After he left that day, we saw each other very seldom. We barely even spoke to one another. If it wasn’t for the group chats we were both in, we wouldn’t talk at all.

Jaemin had said we were cool, but it was evident we weren’t.

It was eating me from the inside out, but whenever somebody asked me about the break-up, I’d always shrug it off, confirming everything’s great. I would tell our friends nothing changed between us. There was nothing wrong; our schedules are just incompatible these days.

When I had pretended I was in a relationship with Jaemin, it was easy. It came naturally, and everyone ate it up without any second thoughts. Unfortunately, now, when I was trying to play it cool, no one seemed to buy it. Thankfully, they didn’t confront me about it. Instead, they offered me their support if I ever needed anything.

In my head, I had a few wild scenarios in which I tell Jaemin we should date for real. However, at the same time, a little devil on my shoulder was telling me it should never leave the realm of fantasy. It’s ridiculous to think Jaemin would reciprocate my feelings.

I felt as if sadness took over my body. Though I was smiling on the outside, I was filled with regret. Barely anything sparked joy these gloomy days. Even this pair of shoes, which I wanted so badly, didn’t stir any positive emotion. I bought them, but I never took them out of the box.

Jiwoo had taken me out on a few girls’ nights to make me feel better. Men are trash – she would always say when Jaehyun ignored her yet another text. Even though they had fucked each other at Jaehyun’s birthday party and agreed to become exclusive, Jaehyun still had lots of problems committing to a monogamous relationship. They hadn’t officially labeled it, but everyone knew Jaehyun was slowly caving in.

Fratboys’ habits die hard, but Jaehyun was finally shaping himself into boyfriend material. He no longer slept around, as far to my knowledge at least, but he still lacked in some departments. For instance, it would take him way too much to text back.

“You were so adorable together,” Jiwoo began after she gulped down another rum and coke. Despite her high alcohol tolerance, she was already drunk, speaking with no filter. “I mean… you were simping for him for so long, and you finally managed to jump that dick.”

“Your point being…” I inquired, finishing my drink. Though Jaemin and I had never had sex, I didn’t want to admit that. What would Jiwoo thought if I told her it was all-pretend?

“I shipped you guys so hard,” Jiwoo confessed. “Ten shipped you too, but he will never admit that,” she added, and I giggled. Now, that was an interesting take. Ten was so random at many aspects of life; it came to me as a surprise he even had an opinion on my relationship with Jaemin. “Can I just take some duck tape and put my ship back together?”

“I am not sure Jaemin would like that,” I answered with a sigh, my mood instantly decreasing.

“Nonsense,” Jiwoo replied in a heartbeat. “This guy is even worse than you,” she revealed, and I rolled my eyes, not buying this. At least a few times a week, at my lowest moments, I happened to check Jaemin’s social media updates. He didn’t seem to mope around at all.

“I find it hard to believe,” I muttered, trying not to get too emotional.

“I mean it,” Jiwoo confirmed her previous statement, eager to explain her thesis. “Jaehyun and I went on a little date to the coffee shop where Jaemin works,” she started, and I nodded, not really sure what she was getting at. Nonetheless, I let her continue. I was curious what Jaemin had been up to. And since he didn’t seem to want to tell me anything himself, I’d accept any type of second-hand information from Jiwoo. “Jaemin misses you. You have no idea how many times I caught him daydreaming. He still has your photo set on his lock screen, and he stares at it a lot.”

Now, that’s interesting.

I had no recollection of Jaemin ever setting my photo as his background picture. Even if Jiwoo was right, it meant he set after we had broken up. It made no sense at all, and I was too drunk to try to comprehend the meaning of this.

Instead, I ordered another round, trying to stifle all the brooding emotions within me.

***

February was the month of parties. Too many birthdays fell during this hectic period, and I had trouble keeping up with them. Fortunately, Ten’s party was the last one of the month. After a small get together at our place, I’d have some time off to relax by myself, most preferably, without alcohol.

Being the semi-hosts with Jiwoo, it was our duty to help Ten organize everything regarding his party. Though our trio was a little bit disorganized, somehow, we managed to get everything ready before anyone arrived.

Maybe it wasn’t comparable to birthday parties at fraternity houses; it still had its charm. It wasn’t as wild, but guests still were having a great time in the company of their closest friends. However, what was the most important, Ten had a blast.

It was his day; he deserved everything he wanted.

Trying my best not to embarrass Ten, I decided to socialize with his friends.

It was time I move on. It took me way too long to mourn a relationship that wasn’t even real. I couldn’t let my brooding mood ruin the party.

“Hmm… Ten has never mentioned you before,” I confessed, not finding it particularly odd. Ten didn’t have secretive nature; he just wasn’t the type of person to over-share. And he often forgot to even mention stuff about his personal life.

“I can’t say I am surprised,” Hendery replied, making me giggle. It was fun chatting with him. Hendery was hilarious, and he knew many secrets regarding Ten. It was my mission to get as much information from him as it was possible. I would need it for blackmailing purposes, of course.

Hiding out in the kitchen, we sipped beer and exchanged rumors as if we were two gossip girls. It was too entertaining to stop. I was incredibly immersed in the conversation; I didn’t even realize when someone tapped my shoulder.

“Can we talk?” I heard the question, recognizing the voice in an instant. It belonged to Jaemin, and it seemed to be laced with both jealousy and irritation. The way he phased his plea gave me flashbacks of the conversation we had at Jaehyun’s party.

I really wanted to continue my discussion with Hendery, but I couldn’t say no to Jaemin. It wasn’t how my brain was programmed. Besides, I missed him a lot.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” I told Hendery before I grabbed Jaemin’s hand, leading him to my room, locking the doors behind us.

“Nothing was supposed to change,” Jaemin started as he sat at the edge of my bed, leaning forward with his upper body propped on his elbows. His gaze was trained on the floor, too frustrated to look up at me.

“I know,” I whispered as I sat down in my chair on the other side of the room. My first instinct was to kneel in front of Jaemin, kiss his forehead, and assure him that everything’s going to be alright.

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like a good idea, so I refrained from doing so. “I am sorry, it’s my fault.”

“Don’t,” Jaemin interjected before I embarrassed myself even further. “We’re both at fault.”

Despite the loud party noises coming from the other side of the doors, my bedroom was filled with deafening silence. It was awfully uncomfortable, and it was probably a good thing. One of us would get annoyed eventually and cave in, letting out all the bottled up emotions.

“I missed you,” I admitted, staring at my hands. I was all fidgety, and although I was too embarrassed to reveal my inner feelings, Jaemin deserved to know this much.

“I missed you, too,” he genuinely confessed, showing me a shy smile. “Actually, I missed you more than I thought it was possible to miss a person,” Jaemin carried on, and I held my breath, not ready to hear whatever he had to say. “You have no idea how much I wanted to text you or call you, but ultimately decided not to because I was sure you don’t want me to.”

“Jaemin,” I spoke, not really sure what I should say next. I had too many things I wanted to tell him about. However, now when he was here, I couldn’t properly voice my thoughts.

“Are you dating this guy you were talking to in the kitchen?” Jaemin asked out of the blue, catching me off guard with this random accusation. “Or do you want to date him? You two looked like you’re having a great time together,” he added, and I rolled my eyes. At first, Jaemin acted on his jealously, but then, insecurity crept in.

“I don’t know. I met Hendery today, but he seems like a great guy,” I answered honestly, thinking of possibilities of me trying to pursing something of romantic nature with Hendery. After our brief encounter, I could tell he’s fun to be around. And honestly speaking, I might’ve considered dating him if I hadn’t already had feelings for someone else.

Unfortunately, right now, I wasn’t in the right state of mind to date. Not when I was still hung up on my best friend.

“I probably won’t, though. I like somebody else,” I confessed, gaining Jaemin’s interest. Instantly, he sat up, staring into my eyes, patiently waiting for the reveal. “I am stupid, but I like this one guy. He’s such a jerk, I can’t even… he’s been ghosting me for weeks now,” I carried on, hoping Jaemin would get the hint.

Two weeks ago, we promised each other nothing would change. Despite our good intentions, it did. Even though I hadn’t told Jaemin how I really felt, I still lost my best friend.

My silence didn’t save this friendship. I tried to bottle up my emotions to secure our unbreakable bond. It didn’t work, so I figured confessing my feelings wouldn’t do any more harm. Surely, Jaemin was going to reject me, but at least, I’d clear the air between us.

Hopefully, my confession, followed by a harsh rejection, would help me move on.

Instantly, Jaemin ran up to my chair and knelt in front of me, trying to look into my eyes. “Please tell me this jerk is me,” Jaemin urgently spoke, unable to handle any more suspense. Jaemin’s gaze was hopeful, and it was too much for me to comprehend.

“What?” I asked, still being overwhelmed by confusion. What was going on? Why was Jaemin on his knees in front of me? Nothing made sense. How was I supposed to wrap my head around it? “I mean… yeah, it’s you. Who else could it be?”

“You have no idea how sorry I am,” Jaemin confessed as he grabbed my hand and yanked me against his chest, wrapping his arms around me, giving me a tight hug. “You could’ve said something… anything,” he added as he pulled back his head, placing a chase kiss against my forehead.

“I didn’t want to scare you away,” I admitted quietly, unable to break free from Jaemin’s cone-crashing embrace. I couldn’t believe he was so close. Na Jaemin was holding me in his arms, letting me listen to his rapid heartbeat.

“The worst two weeks of my life,” Jaemin spoke, once again breaking the silence. “It felt at least like two centuries,” he added, making me chuckle. Of course, it was an exaggeration, but it’s how I felt, too.

“How about we start over?” I proposed, taking a step backward to have a proper look at him. “Will you go on a date with me? This time around for real, no pretending,” I carried on, trying not to grin like an idiot.

“No.”

“What?”

What the fuck was that?

Did I misunderstand Jaemin’s words? I thought he felt the same, but apparently, he didn’t? Everything suggested he followed my flow only to crush my expectations, later on, leaving a big ass scar and more trust issues.

“I mean yes, but I should be me asking you out. Definitely not the other way around,” Jaemin clarified, making me relax. Thankfully, my mini panic attack was uncalled for. It was just my brain over-analyzing everything, conjuring the worst possible scenario.

“Then you better do your best to woo me,” I teased, wondering if he was willing enough to take the bait. It was just a mere joke, reminding me how it all began. He had wooed me once, and I wasn’t going to oppose to a second attempt. “Fun dates, romantic messages, silly gifts. I want it all,” I added, going a little bit overboard with my request list.

“Everything can be arranged,” Jaemin replied with a lopsided smile before he tightened his grip, almost crashing my bones in the process.

***

Jaemin and I began dating. This time around, it was real; no more pretending, no more stupid bets. Just two people who had discovered friendship could never be enough.

Even though I had told Jaemin I was just joking about this whole wooing thing, he refused to accept it, going to extreme lengths to make my heart flutter. I was already stupidly in love with him, yet he kept trying to make me swoon even more.

Despite our busy schedules, we made sure to see each other every day. It could’ve been a date at the arcade or just a quick coffee or a video call. In all honestly, I gladly accepted any form of contact from Jaemin.

I hated the prospect of going through a day without any message from him.

Except for many mini and maxi dates, Jaemin would also spoil me with plenty of encouraging notes of many kinds. Each massage from Jaemin was even sillier from the previous one. He never ceased to amaze me.

At first, Jaemin would stick post-it notes in different places in my room. Whenever I paid no attention, he would quickly write one for me to find it later. Whenever I saw sleep tight message stuck to my bedpost or you looked extra sexy today attached to the mirror, I smiled like an idiot, imaging Jaemin writing it.

If Jaemin forgot about post-it notes, he would always make it up to me by sending me corny direct messages. We would always text each other before sleep, and Jaemin never failed to make me smile with words such as:

If you happen to have wet dreams of me, you gotta tell me everything that happened. We can recreate it later.

I saw some sexy lingerie on my way home. Your ass would look amazing in it. I’m gonna buy it for you when I get my paycheck.

You’re the reason I wake up in the morning. Just kidding, I have to pee.

Whenever we went out, Jaemin would also scribble something either on a napkin or on a receipt. One time, Jaemin even gave a crumbled piece of paper that he was carrying in his pocket for some reason.

You know I’d give you my kidney, right? And a piece of the liver if you ask nicely. I hope you would do the same for me.

When we have kids, I’ll let you name the first one. Don’t fuck it up.

You’re my favorite pain in the ass.

You are stuck with me. You better get used to it.

Messy notes weren’t sufficient for Jaemin. Although I was more than content with the attention and affection he was giving me, it wasn’t enough for Jaemin. With each massage, he had to out-do himself.

Jaemin even wrote me a song! Or at least, he tried to write me a song.  It was really bold of him to assume I didn’t know the lyrics to Jonas Brothers’ Sucker. I loved this song, and even though I perfectly knew it wasn’t Jaemin’s piece of work, I still appreciated the gesture.

Later on, his love letters reached another level of ridiculousness. Jaemin sent me a love e-mail, and if that doesn’t prove how extra he can get, I don’t know what can.

Jaemin didn’t stop there. No, it was just a warm-up.

When I was checking the mailbox, I found a paper plane stuck in between bills. Jaemin must’ve put it there, probably after one of his frequent visits to my apartment. Though the paper plane was a little bit crumbled, I found it incredibly adorable. On its wing, it had “open me” written with Jaemin’s messy handwriting. Inside there was a corny message that turned my insides in absolute cringe.

Your wings already exist. All you have to do is fly.

A few days later, Jaemin gave me a CD with the love playlist he had made for me. Carefully, he had chosen our favorite songs and burned them on a disc. I had no means to actually play it, but I adored the gesture.

Jaemin’s creativity did not disappoint. At this point, he might send me a love letter via a fax machine, and I wouldn’t be surprised. There were no limitations to his imagination, and it was one of the many things I loved about him.

Neither of us dropped the L-bomb yet, but we really didn’t need to. Though that dreaded word has yet to be spoken, we perfectly knew how we felt about each other. We would do anything for one another; no doubt in that.

Having exceeded my expectations, Jaemin proved himself worthy of being my boyfriend. Or rather, he showed me he was way out of my league. When he was bending over backward, I was passively basking in the glory of Jaemin’s confessions. Relationships were about giving and taking, and it seemed our balance was off.

It was time we switched roles. It was only fair if I tried to creep my way into his heart the way he had been wooing mine.

As soon as I cleaned up the apartment and pampered myself a little bit, I pulled out my phone, quickly texting Jaemin. Hopefully, he wasn’t that busy.

my love 💖 | 18:12 | U want to come over?

baNANA 🍓 | 18:16 | 😏

baNANA 🍓 | 18:16 | You miss me???

my love 💖 | 18:17 |  🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡 🤡

my love 💖 | 18:17 | nvm forget I asked

baNANA 🍓 | 18:17 | 😧 😧 😧

baNANA 🍓 | 18:18 | I’ll be in an hour

baNANA 🍓 | 18:18 | want me to bring anything?

my love 💖 | 18:19 | nah, just get your cute butt over here

baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | ?????

baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | are you high??

baNANA 🍓 | 18:19 | should I be concerned?

Okay, I had an hour to prepare something for our impromptu date. It was fine; it was more than enough than I needed. The apartment was already clean, so I just had to whip something to eat and cool the bubbles.

For some reason, I felt in a celebratory mood. Whatever tempo Jaemin and I had, it worked in two week periods. We had fake-dated for fourteen days before we called it quits. Then, we didn’t talk to each other for two weeks. Tonight another period came by, and I wanted to celebrate it, hoping to break the unfortunate chain of bad luck.

The alcohol was already in the refrigerator. Having put on an apron, I opened all the cabinets around the kitchen, quickly analyzing the ingredients and what I can make out of them. It wasn’t much, but pasta would have to be enough.

It wasn’t a fancy dish, but I was made it with love, so Jaemin shouldn’t have any complaints. Pouring my emotions into the pasta was to make it extra flavorful.

When the sauce was slowly cooking on the stove, I decorated the table. I wanted to provide Jaemin with some high-end restaurant experience despite being in my cramped apartment. It was the best thing out of two words; we had all privacy in the world offered by a homely atmosphere, but at the same time, we would eat some beautifully garnished food.

Just when I was about to drain the pasta, someone knocked on the doors.

“Coming,” I hollered before I put the pot in the sink, wiping my hands on the apron before making my way to answer the doors. “Hey there, beautiful,” I greeted Jaemin with a playful remark, standing on my toes to press a brief smooch on his adorable lips. It took him off guard, but in some sense, he liked it.

“Hey, it’s my line,” Jaemin nagged when his hands found purchase on my hips, bringing me closer for another kiss since one was never enough. “What do you have there? It smells delicious,” Jaemin turned his head, trying to peek inside to see what surprise I had prepared for him.

“You know, just some carbs,” I answered vaguely, sending him a playful smirk, not wanting to ruin the surprise. I wanted him to sit down at the table and wait for me to bring the whole dish and pour us some cheap champagne.

Jaemin took off his shoes, kicking them to the side. A second later, he handed me his coat, and I put it on the hanger. Jaemin was wearing a pair of gray jeans and a mint oversized hoodie, and I drooled over this comfortable look. He didn’t have to try hard to impress me.

“Just wait here. I’ll be back in a sec,” I spoke when I guided Jaemin to the table, forcing him to sit down in the chair. Jaemin wanted to help me out in the kitchen, but I firmly refused. Tonight I wished to impress Jaemin; he didn’t have to move a finger.

“I know it’s not much, but I hope you’ll still like it,” I whispered when I put a plate in front of him. “Dig in,” I added as I sat on the other side of the table, carefully trying to pop the champagne bottle open. Though I hated doing it, too afraid of breaking something or hurting someone, tonight I wanted to try it.

“What’s the occasion,” Jaemin wondered as he fondly watched me fight with the bottle. “Do you need some help? You’re gonna hurt yourself,” Jaemin offered, genuinely concerned about my safety. However, I just turned around, wanting to finish it by myself.

It took me good five minutes to pop it. And when I finally did it, Jaemin gave me a round of pitiful applause, officially declaring it’s his job from now on.

“It was just painful to watch,” Jaemin playfully commented, and I kicked his shin under the table, showing him how much appreciated his remark was. “So… what’s the occasion?”

“Do I really need to have a reason to spoil my boyfriend?” I innocently asked, batting my eyelashes, and Jaemin smiled at the word boyfriend. We had never discussed labels, but it was self-explanatory we were in a loving relationship. “I figured it’d be nice to give you some more attention,” I absentmindedly added as I reached for my phone to play some soft EDM music through the Bluetooth speaker.

“Is that it?” Jaemin wondered, gazing into my eyes, searching for any ulterior motive I might have. “Are you sure you’re not trying to butter me up before you say something I may not like? What did you do?” Jaemin inquired, and I chuckled loudly.

“Calm down, Na,” I spoke, making Jaemin look up at me once again. I only called him by his surname when I was extra affectionate, so he was curious what I was going to say. “I just wanted to hang out with you. That’s all,” I confessed, but Jaemin scrutinized his eyes, not really buying my innocent talk. “Okay, fine. There’s one more thing.”

“What is it?” Jaemin inquired, grinning at me.

“Can’t you already tell? I am trying to woo my way into your pants, duh,” I confessed, and Jaemin choked on his champagne as he did not expect this wording. “Your heart! I meant to say into your heart,” I corrected when I realized my little Freudian slip. “Wait, no, screw it. I second that. I want to get into both.”

“You’ve already got into one,” Jaemin declared with a lopsided smirk pinned to his face. “But... if you don’t suspect it already, you’re welcome in both,” he added mischievously, taking a sip of his alcohol. I, on the other hand, looked away, feeling the heat in my cheeks.

“Good to know.”

“Where are Jiwoo and Ten by the way?” Jaemin wondered as he looked around the apartment, finding it suspicious they didn’t crash our date yet. Under typical circumstances, Jiwoo or Ten would haul another chair to the table and steal the food, third-wheeling our date.

“Ten is at the dance studio. He’s having a dance competition next week, so he goes there every time he has some free time to practice. And Jiwoo is with Jaehyun. He came here to pick her up a few hours ago. I don’t think either of them is coming home anytime soon,” I explained, smirking. We had the place to ourselves.

Finally, we could bask in each other’s company without any intrusive guests.

“I’d like to cheers to that,” Jaemin raised his glass, clinking it gently against mine.

Having eaten the food, we moved to the couch.

“What now?” Jaemin asked as he stretched his arm, resting it on the back of the couch right over my shoulders.

“I have one more surprise,” I announced before I jumped to my feet. “Wait a second,” I added before bolting to my bedroom.

“What is it?” Jaemin inquired, having no clue what else I could surprise him with. “What do you have there?” He pressed, tilting his head to the side, trying to see what I was hiding behind my back.

“Let’s take some pictures,” I announced in excitement, showing him my Polaroid camera. “I finally bought some film, and I really want our photo in my wallet,” I added as I plopped down onto the couch, resting my head against Jaemin’s chest. “You take it,” I ordered, handing him the camera. After all, he was the prodigy of photography. Besides, his hands were longer than mine.

“I think that’s more than enough,” Jaemin spoke after snapping the twelfth picture.

Having put the camera on the coffee table, he wrapped his arms around me. Jaemin pulled me on his laps, embracing me tightly, placing a round of pecks against my temple.

“Wait! One more thing,” I hollered, leaning forward to reach for the envelope which was lying on the coffee table next to our photos.

“You can’t say it’s the last thing and then bring another one. That’s not how it works,” Jaemin nagged, a little flustered that I managed to find another excuse when he wanted to cuddle. “Who are you? A fitness instructor? When you say it’s the last one, it should be the last one. You can’t come up with new ones every three minutes.”

“I promise it’s the last one,” I sat cross-legged on the couch beside him, handing him the envelope. Cautiously, he pulled the card out of it, and I looked at him, studying his expression in excitement.

“Annoyingly, I like you way more than I’d originally planned,” Jaemin read the cover of the card, smiling widely at the passive-aggressive message. “It’s already good, and I didn’t even read what you wrote inside,” he commented before he leaned forward to kiss my forehead. “I don’t get it,” he added in confusion as he saw the blank page inside the card.

“It’s my love letter for you,” I clarified, but Jaemin was still clueless.

“It’s a blank page. You really have that little to say?” Jaemin asked, trying to make sense out of my card.

“That’s not how you were supposed to interpret that!” I yelled, climbing on his laps, wanting to tear the card out of his ungrateful hands. Unfortunately, Jaemin’s hands were longer than mine, so even when I was hovering over his thighs, I couldn’t reach it.

“How was I supposed to interpret that then?” Jaemin challenged, holding my hips, forcing them down on his laps.

“I wanted to write something meaningful, but I just couldn’t decide what. I have so many things I want to tell you, it wouldn’t even fit on the card,” I started, trying to find the best way to form a coherent sentence. “One way to interpret it is that you have to imagine it’s written in a very tiny font. Because I have so much to tell you, I wrote everything down, but you just can’t read it.”

“I like it,” Jaemin whispered, pressing a gentle kiss against my knuckles.

“Or you can say it’s blank because whenever I’m with you, my head is completely empty,” I added, chuckling at the corny confession. “Or you can assume there are no words to describe my feelings for you.”

“How is it possible that without writing anything, you managed to top all of my love letters?” Jaemin wondered, smiling at me. “What kind of sorcery is this?”

“No, Jaemin. You’re not giving yourself enough credit. I loved your love letters. They were silly, but at the same time, I could feel you really meant everything,” I reasoned, looking down at Jaemin’s lips, slowly leaning in for a delicate kiss.

“Okay, I have an idea,” Jaemin suddenly spoke as he grabbed my butt and threw me off his laps. “I need a pen,” he added, looking around the living room, finding the pen on the coffee table. In a hurry, he scribbled down something on the blank page of the card, making sure I couldn’t peek. “Here, I found my way to interpret it.”

“Oh?”

“Yes,” Jaemin answered confidently, handing me the card. “Read it out loud for me.”

“Okay, I guess,” I cleared my throat before I opened the card. “My beloved Jaemin,” I read, looking at Jaemin’s face with a raised eyebrow. This was going to be good.

“Carry on,” he urged, and I shook my head, unable to believe I was going to do it.

“You’re the most handsome man I have ever seen. You’re also the smartest and the funniest. Not to mention, you’re the best kisser in the world. What the fuck is this?” I interjected, having doubts, knowing it was a bad idea.

“Just keep reading, babe,” Jaemin ordered, wanting me to carry on with his antics. “Though you’re no poet, it’s, by a huge margin, the best love letter I have ever received,” he added, blowing his ego way out of proportion, and I rolled my eyes.

“Now, when I look at you, I understand there’s not a chance I wouldn’t fall for you. So, since there’s not much space left, I just wanna tell you that I love you. I really love you, Jaemin.”

Before I managed to complain that he forced me to say the L-word first, Jaemin interjected.

“Finally, took you long enough,” he teased, and I sighed, wondering where to hit him first. “As if you haven’t figured it out yet, I love you, too.”

“You’re impossible,” I commented, still not quite sure if we just confessed to each other.

“I’m impossible not to fall in love with,” Jaemin corrected, once again hauling me back on his laps, taking my breath away with a fervent kiss. “How about you show me how you want to get into my pants, babe?”

Having had enough of Jaemin’s teasing, I decided not to comply with his request.

“I think you should go.”

“You’re right,” Jaemin agreed too quickly, and it made me alert. “Let’s go to your room because once I start pounding into you, I will not stop even if a group of nuns was about to break in and steal all of your shit,” he added as he picked me up, carrying me to my bedroom.

“You’re impossible,” I repeated my words when Jaemin threw me onto my bed before he landed on it right beside me.

“I think we’ve already discussed this,” he remarked, reminding me of the remark he had given me earlier. “So… where were we?” Jaemin asked as he put his hand on my side, pulling me closer. Soon enough, his palm slipped under the hem of my shirt, caressing my skin.

“Is it weird that the only thing I can think about is you eating me out?” I wondered out loud, stripped of all remains of dignity. Jaemin was in my bed, and I was planning on taking full advantage of it.

“Not at all, love,” Jaemin replied, showing me his eager smile. Quickly, he sat on his calves between my legs, taking his time to take off my jeans. “I thought about eating you out way too often ever since that thing in the bathroom,” Jaemin confessed as he threw my jeans across the room.

Though my panties were still on, Jaemin began his teasing. His soft lips trailed across my thighs, driving me crazy. His lips touched every inch of my skin except for the area I wanted the most. At this point, my panties were dripping wet, yet he didn’t even think of pulling them to the side, giving attention to my much-ignored core.

“You’re killing me,” I whispered, slowly losing patience. If Jaemin kept up with his antics, I’d combust out of sexual frustration. “Bold of you to assume I won’t let you taste your own medicine,” I warned Jaemin. It worked because as soon as I voiced my mischievous threat, Jaemin’s finger hooked under the hem of my panties, quickly pulling them down my legs.

“You’re no fun at all,” Jaemin clarified before his lips finally landed on my clit, making me buckle my hips in an instant. Slowly, his mouth moved against my sweet spot, and I arched my back with each swirl of his tongue.

Though he barely started, I could feel the electricity coursing through my body. In my state of permanent frustration, it wouldn’t be difficult for Jaemin to make me come against his mouth.

Getting into it, Jaemin squeezed my hips, trying to keep me still when he ate me out. His jaw was dripping in my juices as he made his way down to lick my folds.

“Fuck,” I moaned loudly when Jaemin’s nose rubbed my clit when he was running his tongue all over my entrance. “I think I am gonna come,” I admitted what made Jaemin smirk through the kiss. Jaemin barely touched me, but I was already close.

“Come for me,” Jaemin urged, releasing my hips from his firm grip. Now when I could buckle my hips against his face, my orgasm was just seconds away. With my hand in his hair, I rocked my hips, basking in pleasure.

“I need your fingers,” I begged, and Jaemin quickly obeyed my shameful plea. I expected him to tease me further, denying me his long fingers, but he was kind enough to do anything to make me come.

Thanks to my juices and Jaemin’s saliva, his two fingers slid right in.

“Fuck,” I shouted at the top of my voice when the wave of pleasure shot right through me. Jaemin’s jaw still played with my clit as he continued his actions throughout the orgasm.

“You blew my mind, Jaemin,” I muttered after I regained my focus after he had made me come on his face. “I came so hard,” I confessed, smiling like an idiot. It was way too long ever since someone made me feel this good.

“You better get used to it because I am planning this to be a frequent occurrence,” Jaemin whispered, looking at my face as if it was an art piece. “Do you have condoms?” he casually asked as he pulled down his jeans. His erected cock was restrained in the denim fabric, and Jaemin needed to get rid of it.

“As a matter of fact, I do,” I replied as I opened the bedside table and threw a brand new package of condoms at Jaemin’s chest. “Jiwoo got me those after she walked on our pillow fight the other day. Apparently, she doesn’t want any cum stains on the couch.”

For a while, we were lying on the bed, staring at each other. Jaemin gave me some time to recover from my orgasm. According to him, I needed to take breaks because he didn’t want to over-stimulate me too soon.

“I really love you,” Jaemin confessed genuinely, and I quickly rolled closer to him, giving him another chase smooch. His confession was music to my ears, and I could listen to it on repeat without getting tired of it.

“I love you, too,” I quickly replied, leaning in for another kiss. With his hand on my cheek, he deepened the kiss, giving us another chance to get lost in the love trance.

Having thrown my leg over his hipbone, I hovered over his erection.

“Let me take care of you,” I said as I pulled away from the kiss. With a playful smirk upon my face, I grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head. Slowly after, my bra followed suit, and Jaemin grunted upon seeing me completely naked in front of him.

“Sexy,” he purred before he eagerly took off his hoodie, throwing it onto the floor. “On a second thought, maybe you should put something on. You’re too sexy, and I’d like to last longer,” Jaemin explained, handing me his hoodie so I could cover myself up. “No, it’s even worse. Take it off,” he changed his mind after seeing me in his clothes.

Carefully, I pulled Jaemin’s boxers down his legs, letting his rock hard cock spring free. Biting on my lips, I grabbed his erection, giving it a few gentle strokes.

“Fuck it, I am ready,” Jaemin yelled, placing his hand over mine, making me stop. “You have all the time in the world to blow me. Right now, I want to feel you,” he added, quickly pulling out a condom from its packaging.

“Let me at least roll it down for you,” I offered, and Jaemin sighed, weighing his options.

“Nah, I am not willing to take that risk,” Jaemin answered, proceeding to wrap his cock by himself. “Now, come here, sit down on it,” he urged, and I shook my head. Smiling like an idiot, I guided his cock towards my entrance, slowly sinking down on his length.

“You’re good?” I asked, trying to guess what was going on inside his brain. Judging by his sour expression, he must’ve been thinking about something terrible in order to stop himself from coming too soon.

“Yes, everything’s cool,” he reassured, and I took it as permission to gently rock my hips back and forth. Whenever I moved, Jaemin kept grunting quietly. Apparently, he also suffered from sexual frustration.

My hands were wandering all over his muscular chest, admiring his athletic built. My hips were moving at a steady rhythm, but whenever I happened to increase the tempo, Jaemin would slow me down with a firm grip on my hips.

“If you keep doing that, I might spank you,” Jaemin warned me, but it only made me want to disobey more. “Why did I even expect you to be a good girl?” Jaemin asked, rolling his eyes.

“Spank me,” I ordered, trying my best not to chuckle. “I dare you,” I added, pushing the right buttons. “Like that,” I moaned when Jaemin’s hand collided against my butt, shaking me with newfound excitement.

“You’re impossible,” Jaemin comment, still in shock after discovering how much into spanking I happened to be.

“I’m impossible not to fall in love with,” I remarked, using Jaemin’s own words against him.

Unable to handle my teasing, Jaemin sat up. “I love you so much,” Jaemin stated once again before he looked at my lips, kissing them. Now, when I was distracted by his tongue, it was easier for him to control my movement.

In our upgraded position, I significantly slowed down. Carefully, I moved up and down Jaemin’s cock, while he sneaked his hand between our entangled bodies, rubbing my clit. I was close, and I was about to come again.

I didn’t know what he was so self-conscious about. No doubt I would come first.

“Jaemin, I am coming,” I breathed out, messing up my rhythm. It was difficult to maintain the same tempo when Jaemin was playing with my clit. Jaemin’s lips moved down my neck, finding a perfect spot on my collarbone to leave a hickey.

“Me, too,” Jaemin whispered as he began thrusting from underneath me, now desperate to push the both of us off the edge. “You’re so tight, fuck,” he cursed as my walls started to swell around his throbbing cock.

Jaemin moaned against my skin, muffling his sinful sounds. I, on the other hand, screamed Jaemin’s name at the top of my voice, telling everybody in the world he was the person, making me feel this good.

Having fallen onto the sheets, we looked into each other’s eyes. We were panting as if we just ran a marathon. Not that I had any doubts, but Jaemin turned out to be a passionate lover, and it made me love him even more.

“You’re beautiful,” Jaemin complimented me, staring at my face in utter admiration. “I am so lucky,” he added, and I moved closer, snuggling up to him. It was still early, but I was so fucked out, I could fall asleep right there in his arms.

Having pulled me closer to his chest, Jaemin threw a duvet over our sweaty bodies. His fingers were tracing shapes on my shoulder when he pressed yet another peck against my temple.

“Are you down for another round?” Jaemin asked as he discarded the full condom. His cock was still semi-hard. In a few minutes, Jaemin would be ready for some more. “It’s cool if you’re not,” he added, trying not to put any pressure on me.

“I want you to do me all night,” I confessed, looking over my shoulder at the clock. It’s only 8 pm, and I could stay up till daylight with Jaemin.

“Do you want to go bowling tomorrow?” Jaemin asked, and I eagerly nodded. It was fun the last time I had joined the boys on their monthly trip to the bowling alley. Besides, I would be the first woman to break the unfortunate one-time-only curse. I couldn’t wait to show up two months in a row.

“I’d love that,” I answered, snuggling closer to Jaemin’s side.

In content, we basked in happiness until Jaemin regained enough energy to go for the third time. However, this time around, it was slow and steamy. Under the covers, Jaemin crawled on top of me, kissing every inch of my body.

“Do you want to roll it down on me? I think I can handle that,” Jaemin asked, and I reached for the condom, carefully rolling it down his length. “I wish I could fuck you without one, though,” he added, and I flicked his forehead, making him whine. “I’ll pull out.”

“I trust you, but it’s still a no from me,” I replied, guiding his cock into my entrance. Inch by inch, Jaemin pushed himself all the way in. “You fill me up so well,” I praised, purring into his ear. “I love your cock.”

Distance between our bodies was practically nonexistent. Jaemin was slowly snapping his hips, rubbing his pelvic bone against my clit, turning me into a moaning mess. I wouldn’t be surprised if my neighbors called the police because of all the noise coming from my bedroom.

“One day, you’ll let me fuck you raw. I’ll make sure you do,” Jaemin carried on, and I hissed, feeling the approaching orgasm. I didn’t even bother to comment on Jaemin’s statement. I was whipped for him. I knew I wasn’t able to maintain my assertive stance for long. Eventually, I’d cave in, letting him fuck me without a condom. It wasn’t today, though.

“In your dreams, lover boy,” I answered, but Jaemin just giggled, knowing I wasn’t serious.

“You have no idea how many times we’ve done it raw in my dreams,” Jaemin confessed as he picked up his pace, pounding into my pussy, making me moan at the sudden speed. “One day, I’ll tell you all about my fantasies, but right now, I really want this pussy to cream around my cock,” he added, his filthy words making my walls squeeze around his length.

“You wait until I tell you mine,” I challenged with a smirk. If Jaemin thought he was the only one with a dirty mind, he was seriously mistaken. While most of my fantasies were PG-13, there was still a large portion of naughty scenarios. Now, when Jaemin and I were finally together, it would be fun to try to recreate at least some of them.

“You better come because I can’t go much longer,” Jaemin warned me, pounding in and out, chasing his own release. “Fuck,” he yelled, falling on top of me as he shot his load into the condom. His cock twitched inside of me as he moved slowly, riding out his orgasm.

“Jaemin,” I hollered, coming undone underneath him. Despite the other peaks, this orgasm hit me the hardest. For a brief second, my vision turned black as I gave in to the pleasure.

Breathlessly, I lay in the sheets, slowly descending from my high.

“I think all I can do tonight is cuddle,” I commented, feeling too fucked out to engage in any other form of affection. “I don’t think I can walk.”

“It’s okay. I can carry you around the house,” Jaemin answered, finding a solution for my problem. Having pulled his limp cock out of me, Jaemin rolled down another condom, putting it aside.

“What is it?” Jaemin asked as he heard a noise from the living room.

“It sounded as if someone was knocking on the doors,” I spoke, trying to identify the sound. “It must be a courier for Jiwoo. She keeps ordering stuff online. It’s probably the late evening delivery she forgot about. Can you get it?”

“No problem, babe,” Jaemin answered as he put on his jeans, walking around the bed to answer the door.

At first, I wanted to wait for Jaemin in bed. However, it’s been like three minutes, and he didn’t come back, so I found it weird.

Having put on Jaemin’s hoodie and a pair of leggings, I made my way out of the room.

Jaemin was standing by the doors, looking inside a plastic bag. Whatever it was, it smelled like Thai food. Unfortunately, it didn’t explain anything. We were here alone, and we didn’t order anything.

Just when I was about to open my mouth and ask Jaemin what the hell was going on, Ten walked out of his room. It was strange, but I saw him leave, and I didn’t hear him come back.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked angrily, trying to hide my embarrassment. If he was here the whole time, he must’ve heard us having sex.

“I live here, duh,” Ten answered matter-of-factly, choosing not to give me the explanation which I desperately needed. “I think it’s mine,” Ten spoke as he walked up to Jaemin to take his Thai takeout.

Although Jaemin and I were standing in the living room in complete consternation, Ten didn’t seem to pay any attention to it. In front of his bedroom, Ten stopped in his tracks, turning his head to face me.

“Congratulations, by the way,” Ten spoke, making me even more embarrassed. “Three times, wow. It’s impressive. Don’t fuck this up, dear. He’s a keeper,” Ten added, sending me a playful wink before he disappeared inside his room.

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Wano (Part Two)

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

okay so the wano flashback is possibly my favorite in the whole series for a whole bunch of different reasons, and oden as a character is a big part of why. honestly, i think he’s great. he’s wildly entertaining and ridiculously likable, just like a folk hero should be.

i care about oden and the akazaya nine a lot. they have one of my favorite found family dynamics in the whole series, up there with the strawhats themselves- a bunch of thugs and castoffs who wound up gathering around this one wildly charismatic moron and deciding to be stronger and better for him. 

i think they really feel like a family, in these little moments we get of them just interacting and messing around, and it only makes later events- oden’s death, the twenty-year separation, kanjurou’s betrayal- hurt all the worse.

on god it is the funniest thing on earth to me that this is how oden and izou wound up on whitebeard’s ship. 

the roger pirates!! i really really like the roger pirates!! i love that there’s this entire predecessor crew who are both absolutely fucking fascinating from a lore perspective and who are just all individually really good characters with really fun relationships. the dynamics we get to see just in this brief part of the flashback are absolutely delightful. i think the fact that i would read a whole series just about the roger pirates is a testament to oda’s character writing. 

there’s a specific sort of tragedy to the roger pirates, and i think it really hits home in their last few pages in this flashback. by all appearances, they were a crew just as close-knit as the strawhats are. they cared about each other a lot- that ship was their home.

and then their captain died, and they just- fell apart. 

awhile back, in my sabaody post, i talked about how we get to know roger first as a story and then as a character by getting to meet characters who knew him personally. to the rest of the world, roger is a story, a name to curse or a height to aspire to. but for shanks and rayleigh and crocus and buggy and all the rest of the roger pirates, he was their captain. 

the whole wano flashback, possibly more than any of the others in the series, really feels to me like a story being told, a folk tale being passed down, which makes sense, since it’s canonically framed as oden’s diary entries. and i think that framing device just adds so much to the atmosphere of this entire section of story, the feeling of myth and legend to it. 

i honestly really like how oden’s death is handled. i have trouble articulating it, but it’s so much, so over the top, so heavily set up and foreshadowed- a legendary death for a legendary man, if that makes sense.

toki’s prophecy is one of my favorite motifs in this whole arc. wano is all about a country that’s been trapped and dying for years and years, holding out desperate hope for salvation. toki is the one who gave them that hope. she doesn’t try to tell them that everything will be okay, she says it will be dark and the darkness will be long, but the dawn will come, and even though she gave her life to do that, she did it smiling. 

without toki, the wano arc never would have happened, because there would be no future to fight for. 

this panel is the header on my favorite op discord server and sometimes i just scroll up and stare at it. it’s so good. 

this entire sequence, starting from luffy law and kidd’s entrance, is probably my favorite in wano arc. it’s the turning of the sides, the daybreak after the darkest hour- these three show up, and then jinbe, and denjirou reveals his true colors and it’s revealed all the rest of the samurai left before orochi blew the bridges, and it turns out they haven’t lost a single step to kanjurou’s treachery. it just feels so good to read, after the prior hopelessness of the akazaya and the tragedy of the flashback.

i really like how the akazaya nine are absolutely ready to roast each other at any and all times. that’s how you know they’re best friends. 

i think i mentioned it back in fishman island, but one of my favorite things is the strawhats just being absolutely cheerfully, chaotically destructive. every time we get to see them wreck havoc while nonchalantly bickering with each other it puts a huge smile on my face.

i think ulti and page one are very very funny and i like their dynamic a lot, it’s a laugh riot. i also like that oda lets luffy seriously fight a woman here!! i’m serious, we don’t see enough no-holds-barred fights between men and women (conventionally attractive women, specifically) in this series, so i’m pleasantly surprised when it does happen. 

i do appreciate wano’s ability to continuously raise the “holy shit!” quotient without it ever really feeling like a twist just for the sake of the audience. like, i don’t know that anybody saw kaidou killing orochi coming, but at the same time, it feels like it does make sense, given what we know about kaidou, for him to do this.

my heart goes out to momo, honestly. he’s only eight, and in that time he’s lost his home and family and his whole world when he was thrown twenty years into the future, and he has the weight of his whole country resting on his shoulders. he’s borne up admirably under that stress, starting from zou and building up to this point.

i LOVE kin’emon’s speech to kaidou about luffy SO much. kin’emon’s come a long way from being a mostly comedy relief character in punk hazard to here, where he’s shouting down an emperor. i really like this progression- kin’emon doesn’t change, exactly, but the side of his character that is revealed in wano is very likable and admirable. it goes back to something i’ve mentioned before, about how one piece’s characters are very rarely one-dimensional.

kaidou’s dragon form is extremely cool, and so are most of the panels where it appears- it’s extremely striking, especially in panels like this, where he’s silhouetted against the moon.

i love... the ripple effects of luffy just being himself that spread throughout the world of one piece, and i think this is one of the best examples. luffy befriended coby all the way back in chapter two, mostly by accident, and now, nine hundred and some chapters later, that’s what leads to drake joining the strawhats’ side. because drake is friends with coby who says luffy is trustworthy, so when drake is stuck with nobody else to turn to, he turns to luffy. 

moments like this really reinforce just how much the world and story of one piece is built on relationships between people, and i really like that. i like that instead of necessarily being built around abstract ideals or morals, characters’ actions are, more often than not, motivated by either specific personal goals or by their relationships with other characters. it feels much more true to life.

i like the loss of kiku’s arm, because it showcases exactly how serious the fight is on both sides. it both shows that kaidou is fighting to maim and kill and do whatever it takes to win, and that the akazaya are fully prepared to take whatever he throws at them. kiku gets back up smiling after losing her arm. neither side in this fight is even close to backing down, now or ever. 

i genuinely can’t believe how long it took me to talk about yamato, so let me just say: i love him so much. part of this, i’m sure, is my personal bias towards any and all kickass queer characters, but part of it is just- he’s so cool. he’s ten feet tall and carries a club about as big as he is and tanks explosions like they’re nothing while also bickering with luffy and falling out of ceilings and generally being like... stupidly lovable. 

i just like yamato a lot. 

a thousand chapters in, and every strawhat but robin has had a moment where they declare luffy is going to be the king of the pirates, but honestly, i think nami’s might be my favorite yet. nami has always been a person who acts at a distance, not one inclined to direct confrontation and putting herself in danger-

and yet, when it comes down to it, when faced with a choice between death and disavowing her captain’s dream, even when assured by usopp that she would be fully justified in lying for her life, nami chooses luffy. even in the most dire of circumstances, all of the strawhats know luffy is going to be the king of the pirates, and none of them would ever deny it.

i kind of alluded to this back in my dressrosa post, but i really like the development of law’s new dream being discovering the meaning of the will of d. it just feels like a very good and natural progression for his character, given he’s the only holder of the will of d who we’ve been shown is consciously aware of it and what it might mean. and in general, i like seeing him having something else to work towards after doflamingo’s defeat.

i’ll end this by just saying i am so desperately curious to know what is in that book, and what yamato knows about the will of d, about the dawn of the world, about laugh tale. 

guess we’ll find out, huh?

thanks for reading through to the end!! i had a lot of fun putting these posts together, and writing them up was a really cool way to be able to compile my thoughts headed into chapter 1000 and beyond. i can’t wait to see where oda takes us next. 

[widgenstain]

Together and Oslo

I decided to let the barns rest for a night and treat myself to a Celtic fave double-feature instead. I hadn’t seen either movie before and I ended up loving them both, not just because of the eye-candy but because I think they’re both smart, slightly different attempts at movie story-telling and that’s my thing. Here are my thoughts on them, if anyone is interested; I won’t post any big spoilers, but there are some plot details mentioned below the cut.

Together

Man that was a pleasant surprise! I didn’t expect to like a pandemic drama/comedy/romance this much, but this was excellent. Don’t get me wrong, it absolutely is about the pandemic, it gets political too, some may find it too preachy, but fuck it, some points need to be hammered home, because these times revealed atrocious misgivings in our society and people are already forgetting them again. The thing this movie very cleverly does, is tie those larger misgivings into the personal relationship between a couple that’s been on the rocks from the start and by making them tackle them, it gives us solutions for how to tackle the bigger picture in the only, very small way that we can. The solutions aren’t ideal or necessarily super healthy, but you can work with the situation if you try and they actually do try. 

I loved that, I feared that this would be terribly cynical and yes, they both are arseholes at some points, but the story presents a very refreshing take on two people hating each other. Some may say realistic, I’m not quite sure it is, the critics weren’t completely wrong when they called it a bit stage-y, but I don’t see the stageyness  in the setting or story, I see it in the dialogue, which is a bit… too poetic to seem natural sometimes. That’s not a criticism btw, I loved the dialogue, but it’s meant to serve a bigger narrative goal than showing us two real people fight. 

This brings me to the one thing I’m not 100% sure about, the 4th wall breaks. Maybe I’m too spoilt by Fleabag, but I found this choice a little inconsistent. Sometimes they talk to you, sometimes they don’t, what is this supposed to imply? Are we a part of this or not? 

Anyway, the performances were SO GOOD! Both actors (well, three, but the boy had like three sentences) were amazing, but as a fan it felt so good to see James back at the top of his game again. Don’t crucify me for this, but in some of his recent projects *cough* IT2 *cough* the good man has rather phoned it in*. He’s marvelous in this, such control over all his character’s many sides and the CHEMISTRY between them! Urgh so good. This would have fallen very flat if these two hadn’t had this energy between them, it really is a masterclass in fugitive glances and comedic reactions and damn, do I hope they get recognised for it at some awards! #GIVEJAMESHISDAMMENDBAFTA

*James phoning it in is still better than 85% of other actors, but you get my drift.

 Oslo

I was surprised by this too, but for different reasons: I had read quite a few reviews of this before I saw it and I once again wonder if critics actually watch the movies they review. 

It, funnily enough, is quite similar to Together, even if it’s a wholly different genre and topic. It’s a political drama, based on a play, a play on negotiations between Israel and Palestine in the 90s, super fun, light and not dry at all stuff, right?! Nonetheless, I found it incredibly captivating. Yes, it drags a teensy bit in the end, yes, a lot of it is men sitting around tables fighting about politics, but it flows incredibly well, the way this movie builds tension and resolves it again, man I loved that! Apparently the play does that even better, but well, I haven’t seen it and I loved it in the movie too. 

The movie of course had the misfortune of coming out at a time the clusterfuck that is the Gaza conflict violently flared up again, but all the reviews saying it is Israel biased? Because *reads smeared antisemitic notes* Jews produced it? Wth? The character with probably the most/most impressive screen time is Ahmed Qurei, the head negotiator from the Palestinian side, he comes across as the most sympathetic person too, passionate about what his people are going through, but also determined to try and change it. Loved Salim Dau in the role and I definitely will check him out in more things. The Israeli bureaucrats are the arseholes in this and it’s pretty clearly spelled out that yes, while they have their legit reasons to hate the Palestinians, they hold all the power in the situation and they are the ones using tanks against people throwing rocks. 

There’s also no white saviour in this. Ruth’s and Andrew’s characters are, as they say roughly 15 times, the facilitators, two bonkers people from Norway who serve as the lube in those talks, nothing more, the Middle Eastern guys are the main players. There’s one bit in the end that gets slightly cringe-y but even that one I read as a last attempt at “please guys, try!”. That moment I’m actually sure works better in the (longer) play btw. 

The Norwegian couple aren’t painted as the heroes, they’re quite reckless and self-satisfied, well, Terje mostly is, but Mona has her moments too and I loved the dynamic between them. There was one review that said they had no chemistry and that person clearly is crazy, because they are excellent with their different energies that come together perfectly for what they’re trying to do, they’re team and you get why they work and live together. The glances they shoot each other, always watching each other, man this was good. 

Lastly, the movie most certainly doesn’t claim that everything’s ok now. It’s a historical film that focusses on one moment almost 30 years ago, when people tried, tried really hard to change something for the better. Did it work? Nah, not really, the situation still is deadly and devastating, but it doesn’t change the fact that, like in Together, people took something out of the intimidatingly large context and dealt with it in smaller circles (that hold the power anyway) and that is an often-forgotten factor in changing things (Google what Corona did to politicians having a drink after work and what that did to the general political climate). I loved that message and I loved the implication of “keep trying, keep trying to find solutions” and also, very importantly “don’t let the Americans fucking touch anything” :DD.

 PS: Andrew was the comic relief in this wasn’t he? Can we get him in a proper comedy now? One without war and genocide?

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 48

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47

NOTES:

-4.1k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: thank you for sticking up by me and this story! thank you for reading, commenting, reblogging... thank you also if you’re a silent reader, and I know there’s a few. I know this isnt over yet, and ill write a long thank you with the last chapter but i had to say it here. THANK YOU!

ALSO! this chapter has BOTH povs. so will the next 2 (and final) chapters!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 48

NIALL

December 2018

I had no idea how many pints we had swallowed but clearly, when we got out of the restaurant, I felt a sensation of happiness invade me and I was not really sure why. Louis said something funny and I laughed as we started walking down the street and I replied something that had to do with his girlfriend. He pushed with the side of his body and I started laughing again. It was a good thing we decided to get out to sober up a bit and I felt my eyes flutter when a cool breeze his my face.

It felt so good to be close to Louis again. I couldn't pretend I was totally okay with the fact that he had sex with Olivia but I knew it was a bit stupid of me to hold that grudge. It had been months and it was different now. it was completely different. I was with her and we loved each other, and I was going to ask her to marry me. Soon. Very Very soon.

"I wish I was there to see Liv's face when you'll ask her to be your wife." Louis let out as I glanced at him.

He was smiling fondly and it made me realize he was happy for her. He was happy for both of us. Suddenly, I knew exactly why Olivia had picked him as a best friend. They were so similar in so many aspects and if they hadn't had sex before, I would have said they could have been siblings... twins, perhaps. Not physically, of course, but mentally and emotionally, they were almost exactly the same.

"Definitely, you won't." I chuckled, glancing at him again as I pushed my hands in my pockets.

"Oh, I know." he shrugged, his lips still curled. "I mean, when you two started talking again, she told me she was going to get married with Dylan anyway but I could hear it in her voice that it's not what she really wanted. I told her that she should get married with you instead."

My eyebrows raised and I turned to him as we stopped walking. I was surprised that Louis said that since I was very aware of how mad he was at me after I broke her heart. It had broken our friendship in a way I thought could never be mended back together, but here we were, laughing and having fun the way we used to. He was the first one I told about the ring and somehow, it made total sense.

"Really?" I asked, glancing at him. "I wouldn't have thought but, thank you, Tommo."

"Look, no offense mate, but I did it for her, not for you."

It hurt slightly but I just nodded and licked my lips. It didn't change the fact that he knew Olivia had feelings for me, and most likely thought we were meant to be, and that was enough for me. I couldn't expect our friendship to be exactly how it used to be. Too many things happened, and we both had changed, but I still enjoyed this night and the fact that I was getting my friend back.

We kept walking slowly in silence and after a while, I frowned. I knew where I was and it took me a few seconds to realize why this place felt so important. My heart jumped in my chest and I held my breath when I saw the sign of the bakery a bit farther in the street. It was not lighted up but I could easily read it anymore and I stopped right next to the door.

"You okay Niall?"

I ignored him and moved closer to the door, leaning my forehead against the window just to look inside. I couldn't see the place I had seen her for the first time in over a year, but I could clearly see the spot where I had been standing. A bunch of feelings invaded me, the same feelings that had invaded me back then, when my eyes had fallen on her, and I had to swallow hard, as if my heart was threatening to jump out of my throat.

"Uh-oh," Louis started low. "Looks like it's about to rain."

I blinked a few times, staring some more seconds inside the bakery, and suddenly, something seemed to hit me. I had no idea why I had waited for so many months, I didn't know what the fuck I was thinking. I should have told Olivia that I wanted to marry her, I should have asked her to be my wife back in april, when I bought that damn ring. I had been ready to spend my life with her since that day I saw her again at the bakery and there was no reason to wait again.

I felt raindrops hit the top of my head and wet my shirt, but I just breathed in deeply and turned around, my eyes roaming on the empty and dark street.

"Mate, are you okay?"

Once again, I ignored Louis and without thinking, I started running. I could hear him yelling my name a few times behind me but I didn't stop : I just kept on running as te rain started falling even harder, pouring over me like a shower. I felt my white shirt stick to my chest and the sound of how wet my socks were as I ran on the sidewalk. I didn't even stop when I arrived in front of my house but for some reason, Olivia opened the door just as I was walking up the stairs. She was only wearing a shirt and panties and the sight made me swallow hard.

"Niall? Are you okay?" she asked with a frown, taking a step out as I shook my head, panting loudly, my lips parted and my eyes stuck on her.

"No, no Olivia, I'm not okay." I just let out.

She took a step closer and even if she was still protected somehow from the rain, I could see a few raindrops on her forehead. She brought her hand to my chest and saw her body quiver as a shiver crossed it.

"What's wrong?"

I could hear worry in her voice and it made me realize that no one in the world has ever loved me the way she loved me. No one in the world loved me as much as she loved me. No one ever would, and I didn't want anyone else to anyway. The love she was giving me in every word, every touch, every gaze... that love couldn't be compared to anything else I ever had the chance to get.

"I don't want to wait anymore, Olivia... I've waited enough." I pointed out, making her frown slightly and shake her head.

"W-What?"

"There's no reason to wait anymore!" I let out in an excited tone as I felt every fiber of my body boiling. "It's useless to wait! I love you! I want to spend my life with you!"

Her lips curled and her traits softened. "Me too, Nee." she admitted in a low tone, tilting her head and licking her lips.

"No, Liv, you don't get it." I let out, shaking my head, my lips curling even more. "I know i'll spend my life with you, I won't pass next to this chance a second time. I know I'll never ruin this again, because this is the most important relationship I've ever had and you're the most important person in my life. I want to share everything with you.. Every good morning's and good night's, and every grocery shopping trips, and... and netflix nights, and cleaning days. I want to be with you, and take care of you, and love you the way you deserve to be loved. I want us to know that as long as we have each other, we'll be okay, because we will. I want to complete you because you complete me, Olivia. I realized a long time ago that I can't live with you!"

"Niall," she started, shaking her head and frowning slightly again. "What are you saying?"

I reached for her hands and squeezed them hard in mine. I was completely drenched by then, but I didn't give a fuck. The rain kept falling on my face, sliding down my cheeks to reach my neck and soak me even more. But I pushed that thought away as I let go of one of her hands to dive one of mine in my pocket. I played with the ring with the tip of my fingers for a few seconds, making sure the small diamond was on top, and finally took it out. I felt her tense in front of me but got on one knee anyway, squeezing one of her hands again as I felt nervousness invade me.

"I should have done this a long time ago. I bought this ring in april, and I have no idea why it took me so long to do this. I wanted to find the right words, the right time, the right way. I just didn't realize that there was no right time, words or way. Because every moment is right. I could have asked at any moment and it would have been the right moment because you're the right person.

"Oh my... god." she whispered before swallowing hard. "Niall..."

"Liv, will you marry me?"

She stared at me and finally took a step closer. I held my breath when I realize she was now under the rain as it fell roughly and quickly on her. Her hair stuck to her cheeks and she looked down in my eyes, blinking a few times.

"Are these tears or is it just the rain?" I just asked, making her chuckle and shake her head.

"I love you so much, Niall James Horan!" she let out loud enough so I would hear her over the sound of the rain hitting the cement. "Of course I'll marry you! I've wanted to marry you since I was 6 years old!"

A wave of relief washed over me and I chuckled nervously as my whole body seemed to throb. I got up slowly, still holding her hand, and looked down at her as my lips curled into a fond smile. I really should have done that before, but they said 'better late than never', right?

"I'm in love with you." I whispered, touching her fingers to find the right one before sliding the ring on it without every looking away from her eyes. "Thank you so much."

"Don't thank me, I want to be your wife so bad, I can't even tell you how happy this makes me."

She wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. My eyes closed when I felt her lips against mine and suddenly, I realized that everything was perfect.

                                                      ---

OLIVIA

I kissed him deeply but slowly, feeling his wet shirt soak mine as he pulled me closer. I let the fingers of both my hands slip in his wet hair and pull on it gently, before two or three of my fingertips slid down to his nape, playing with the very bottom of his hair. It made him shiver against me and I whimpered low in his mouth.

"I'm so in love with you, Niall." I whispered, my lips still brushing against his.

My eyes fluttered open and I moved my hand a bit before moving my head back just to look at the ring on my finger. It seemed unreal and for half a second, I wondered if I was actually dreaming one of these very vivid and realistic dreams I had, sometimes. They used to happen so often after Niall broke up with me. Perhaps I was still just in one of those dreams where I'm happy and I get everything I've ever desired. The diamond shined a bit when I moved my hand because of the light from the living room and I felt myself tear up.

I stared at the only human I was ever in love with and swallowed hard. I focused on the locks of his hair sticking to his forehead and at how beautiful he looked. No one else had ever made me feel like he did, and the feelings inside me were so strong I started feeling them physically. Somehow, my hole body started throbbing and I felt my legs weaken at all the strong emotions reaching me.

I felt his palms press more on my back and bit my bottom lip before gripping the front of his shirt and pulling him inside roughly. My lips found his again and I kissed him a bit too hard, perhaps, pulling his shirt over his head before doing the same with mine so fast I almost tore it up. I felt his hands on my naked waist and realized I had been half naked the whole time.

His hands moved up on my chest and I felt his thumbs stop right under my breasts as we kissed. I wanted him so bad... I wanted him like it was our last time... or our very first time.

He pushed the door with one of his feet but it stayed half open as I undid his pants and pulled them down. We ended up laying on the floor in the lobby, his lips running all over me as fat as my hands traveled on his back, neck and in his hair. The moment he pushed himself inside me made my back arched and I moved my knees up, keeping my feet flat on the floor.

"I love you so much." he whispered, his lips pressing against my neck, near my jaw, before he pushed himself deeper inside me. "F-Fuck, you feel so good."

I tilted my chin up and closed my eyes, realizing that I could hear the rain pouring outside. From time to time, I even felt a few drops reach for my legs and it made me think that it was probably falling on Niall, too. I pushed my fingers in his back and my nails sunk in his skin as he thrust in and out of me slowly but deeply. I felt dizzy when an orgasm started building up in the pit of my stomach but I pressed my thighs on each side of him to hold him in place before moving on my elbows to kiss him harder.

I wanted to beg him not to move but I didn't have to. He stopped moving over me only to focus on the way he was kissing me, and I could feel my heart beat so hard and fast that I felt like I was about to cum anyway.

"Mm, Olivia, you're gonna be my wife yea?" he mumbled as we kissed. "I should have asked before but I was so scared you'd say no."

I felt my heart jump and twist in my chest at his confession and shut my eyes tighter. "I would have said 'yes' Niall." I whispered. "There's not a single moment you could have asked in this lifetime when my answer would have been 'no."

He stopped kissing me for a few seconds and finally rolled us around. I held my breath, a bit surprised, but ended up staddling him as his hands ran on my thighs gently. My lips were still very close to his and my hair was falling around us, hiding our faces like a curtain.

"I can't wait to be your wife, Niall."

His lips curled slightly in a fond smile. "I can't wait to cherish you, love you, and support you for the rest of my life." he added in a murmur. "Now ride me, petal."

My lips curled more and I chuckled before sitting up.I started riding him gently, staring down at him and biting my bottom lip. I could still see a few locks of his hair stuck on his forehead and the sight of him naked under me made my whole body quiver.

"This is what I want to see every single day for the rest of my life." he admitted in a whisper, letting one of his hands slide up until my breasts, running his palm on them and brushing his fingertips on my nipples. "That honeymoon is gonna be something else, petal."

I smiled more and bend down slightly, holding myself with my hands on his chest. "That honeymoon is gonna last until we die."

He smiled at me and nodded. "It will."

I started riding him again, harder and a bit faster this time, and when his hand reached between my legs to rub my clit, I started shaking over him. He groaned low, reaching for my thighs and grabbing them hard while he closed his eyes tight. We remained motionless for a few seconds, just panting with our eyes closed, but after a while, my eyes fluttered open and I sent him a fond smile.

"C'mere."

I lied down next to him on the floor, not even caring about how uncomfortable it was, and I moved my hand up to look at my ring again. It was unbelievable but I knew it was true. If someone had told me, when I was a kid, that I was going to marry Niall, I would have laughed. Heck, if someone had told me that a year ago, I wouldn't have believed it. Now, however, it just felt right. It felt like the accomplishment of a lifetime. It felt like the obvious outcome of my journey. It felt like the epic conclusion that was meant to happen.

"I bought this in Paris, when we were at your parents." he just said, making my heart skip a beat. How could his voice still make me melt after all this time? "I just woke up one day and I knew it was the right thing to do. It was so obvious to me I didn't even doubt it or question it. Not a fucking second."

I turned my head to look at him, noticing he was staring at the ring on my finger.

"You're the love of my life, we should already be married." he pointed out with a small shrug, making me laugh. It made him turn my way and he raised his eyebrows. "What?"

"I mean you? Niall Horan? Wanting to get married so soon?" I asked, the left corner of my lips raised up. "Who would have thought? I mean, you'll be the first one in your band to be married. Even before Louis... even before Liam! If you think about it, it's quite surprising isn't it?"

He stared at me for a few seconds, but his lips finally curled into a smile too and he chuckled. "Yea, maybe. i mean, if you weren't in my life, I'd probably be the last one to get married, you're right."

"So it's because of me?" I asked, raising my eyebrows and turning my body his way.

"Yea. I don't want to marry anyone else, and if you weren't in my life... I don't even know if I'd get married. Maybe in my late 30's? Or 40's? Who knows?"

We stared at each other for a minute or two in silence. I was coming up to the conclusion that soulmates were real, and I was lucky enough to have found mine. Even better, it seemed like I was his soulmate too, and nothing could be more perfect that that. I couldn't say I wouldn't have married anyone but him, especially since I was so close to marry an other man, but I could say that I would never be happy with anyone else the way I was happy with him. There was something about this relationship that I wouldn't be able to get though any other relationship. I never felt like that for anyone else in the world. No one could compare. No one was Niall James Horan, and he was the only one I wanted.

"This calls for champagne."

I chuckled and he got up before extending his hand to help me up too. I grabbed his shirt on the floor but grimaced at how wet it was. Instead, I grabbed all our clothes spread on the floor and brought it to the washing machine as he walked up to the kitchen completely naked. I grabbed a pair of boxers for him and one of his shirt for me and walked back to the living room, closing the door and locking it. It was still raining hard outside and I looked by the window for a short moment before finally joining him in the kitchen. He had picked a bottle of champagne and I smiled as I stared at him. He was there, standing completely naked in the kitchen, a bottle of champagne in hands, trying to open it, and I tilted my head. The sight was fucking incredible.

"I brought you boxers but I'm not sure I want to give them to you anymore."

He turned to me with a smirk and I couldn't help but let glance down at his dick. He chuckles and opened the bottle of champagne with a 'pop' before pouring some in two glasses.

"Clothing is optional tonight, my love." he let out, raising his eyebrows. "In fact, it's forbidden to wear any piece of clothing."

He handed me my glass and I pressed my lips together, taking it just as he snapped the shirt and boxers from my other hand. I held my breath as he threw them away and let out a short giggle. I was never at ease while being naked, especially around Niall because his opinion mattered to me more than anyone else's, but the way his eyes roamed on my naked form and sparkled as they got back into mine... that was something that didn't lie. So I didn't have the body I used to have, and I didn't have (and never did) the body of the girls he used to date and fuck... but apparently, it didn't matter to him.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked in a low tone, licking my lips.

He cleared his throat and took his own glass before turning back to me again.

"You look at me too, darling." he pointed out, avoiding my eyes.

"I know but... I don't know, you were looking at me... in a special way."

This time, he looked out and our eyes met. He took a step closer and my lips parted slightly. Fuck, I loved him, I loved him so fucking much I could literally die.

"I can't believe how lucky I am." he admitted in a very low tone. "I'm gonna make love to you every single day for the rest of my life. I want to discover and remember every mole, every mark, every spot." I felt his free hand run on one of my breasts and slide down my stomach. "I want to learn the best ways to make you horny, to make you dizzy, to drive you crazy and to make you cum. I was looking at you because I find it scary how close I was to never get you back."

I stared at him, my mouth slightly open, as I let his words sink in. My eyes fluttered but I kept them open and he brought his fingers on my back, brushing his fingertips on my spine.

"And you say you're not good with words." I pointed out, tilting my head and making him chuckle again.

"I'm getting better at it, right?" he laughed, taking a step back. "You mad eme practice a lot, without really realizing it."

i rolled my eyes with a smile and shrugged as he brought his glass up. "To you and I, to this relationship that will last longer than a lifetime. To you, because you're perfect for me."

"To you too, because you're the only one I ever wanted."

I clinked my glass against his and swallowed everything, putting the glass back on the counter. He did the same and filled them up again.

"So, how are we gonna tell everyone?" I asked, bringing the now full glass to my lips again.

"We're not." he said, leaning his ass against the counter, taking a sip too and making me frown. "We're eloping. Prepare your stuff, we're leaving tomorrow."

[spartanlocke]

"Gross ass" what mean?? I've been wanting to get into MHA but I dont know much about the behind the scenes stuff

You see this disgusting little man? His name is MinoruMineta, and he’s comedy relief.

And by “comedy relief” I mean “sexually harasses the female characters, disrespecting women, makes pedophilic comments to a ten year old girl, and just in general is a disgusting little man.”

But apparently this is ok, because his intelligence and technique are 5/6 and he’s useful twice during the first two arcs of the anime then does absolutely nothing but behave like a disgusting little man for the rest of the 260 chapter manga!! And he’s funny an relatable!!!And if that - plus Horikoshi drawing 15yo girls in revealing, sexualized outfits despite it literally contradicting lore - doesn’t speak enough about the author…

Yup.

There’s also this bastard

Admittedly, I’ve grown a little bit fond of Bakugo. Mostly because, unlike Grape Bitch, he makes up for (most of) his flaws by learning from (some of) his mistakes, developing, and being actually funny. (Seriously, his expressions are HILARIOUS.) 

Sadly, despite all that, there’s still the massive “favoritism” sign waved in the air by author…never addressing the fact he’s an abusive bastard. Very first scene he’s in we see him beating up his “best friend” Deku for the unforgivable sin of…wait for it…

Trying to protect a kid he was bullying. 

Later, we see him tell Deku he’s “less than useless” and telling him to kill himself. Because that’s obviously what an aspiring hero would do. 

And this is never mentioned again. Instead, we get his abusive behavior (admittedly toned down, since he’s no longer bullying people) used as comedy relief while everyone fawns over how naturally talented and Great At Everything he is. His growth doesn’t come from him realizing he abused his best friend, but instead from him failing tests because he didn’t prioritize the right things. 

No one (not even the HERO TEACHERS) mentions he’s never gonna become the Top Hero if he doesn’t stop being a dick, no one brings up the fact Deku displays clear signs of trauma around him, only once is it mentioned his behavior “Isn’t very heroic” and it’s a side-comment that immediately fades to history. If it weren’t for him wanting to be a hero like All Might, he’d most definitely have been a villain. (And part of me kind of wishes he had, tbh.) 

But the fawning over his talent and potential never. Fucking. Ends. 

There’s also the classic “female characters aren’t nearly as well-written, powerful/talented or given the same importance/moments to shine as their male counterparts” issue that most anime still has. Also, did I mention there’s literally no reason for Momo to be half-naked? They literally have tech that allows clothing to work with Quirks. If Mirio can have a suit that doesn’t phase through his body then MOMO CAN HAVE A REAL SUIT THAT WON’T TEAR WHEN SHE USES HER QUIRK!! Also Toru literally has no reason to be naked just because she’s invisible. Because they have materials that work with Quirks. 

But, as Horikoshi himself confessed, he’s a disgusting little cunt and pedophile, so of course he’s never gonna do this when he can jack off to an invisible, naked 15 year old girl instead.

But - most unfortunately of all - everything despite these flaws (like the characters* and story) is overall very well written, emotional and engaging. Seriously, I cried like a little bitch through the Eri arc. And the Camp Arc. And the Sports Festival Arc. And the Kamino Arc. And-

My Hero Academia is just something that’s really good despite its flaws, which is irritating, but at least it deserves the popularity it’s been given for its pros.

(*Edit: Characters that aren’t female, I mean.) (Edit 2: Oh, there’s also Endeavor, the classic “Father who abused his kids suddenly regrets abusing them cause they hate him and he’s so so so sad his kids hate him please feel bad for him please-” trope. Endeavor stans don’t interact.) 

[littlemisskookie]

Loveless: Chapter 2

Loveless: Index Ship: Reader | OT7 Description: Spy/Men in Black!AU | You worked at an institution that dealt with aliens- aliens that were the fictional creatures we were told were from fairy tales. The job entailed love only for it, and nothing else. That’d all change when a mission goes wrong. Warnings: Future Smut, Comedy, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, Violence, Gore, Panic Attack Word Count: 5,073

"We are expected to leave at 600 sharp. The Phasecraft 3000 will be waiting for us on deck and I expect all of you to be ready and well equipped."

You sat at the head of the table in the meeting room, the seven men flanking either side. You were colder and sterner than usual, far different from your typical demeanor. Inside you felt pent up and anxious, as though you knew that somewhere in this building was a ticking bomb, and you just didn't know where it was.

"Don't you think it's weird how we had thousands of numbers at the end of our equipment? Like Dr. Doofenshmirtz?" Jimin wondered allowed.

"Don't worry, Q, rest assured I'm always well-equipped," Jin said, smirking as he leaned back in his chair.

"I've seen your dick, dude, and you don't have much to brag about," Jungkook struck back.

"Alright, number one I was peeing and flaccid, and I'm a grower, not a shower. Second, who the fuck stands right next to someone at the urinals when there are plenty of available spaces?"

"Someone who wants to piss you off."

"Fuck you man!" Jin said, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, at least I don't drop my pants and underwear around my ankles like Agent V!"

"It was one time and you just happened to see my ass! Get over it," Taehyung quipped back. "Leave me out of this. You're the one who admits to looking at other guys' dicks in the bathroom."

"I just wanted to see if he was all talk. And he was."

"For the last time, I'm a grower, not a shower!"

"Are you guys done blathering on about nonsense? We've got a mission at hand," Namjoon interrupted, clearly agitated. You'd figure after working for years with the same idiots, he'd get used to it.

"What's the big deal? We've done shit like this before. This can't be as bad as the Kraken," Hoseok questioned, yawning as he looked at his blunt nails. "Kill mission? Negotiation? Information? Or just subtle ways of moving the pawns around? We've handled it all, what's the big deal?"

"Haven't you noticed? The maximum amount of agents typically sent on a mission is five. We've got eight. This isn't our normal mission," Namjoon says, turning to you for confirmation, "is it?"

You lowered your eyes, knowing all of the men's gazes were trained on you. "Right as always, Namjoon. Perhaps your specialty should be changed to psychic abilities."

"I thought there was a reason you weren't being as witty as usual," Jimin said.

"I wouldn't exactly call it 'wit'," Yoongi grumbled into the pair of arms he rested his head upon, trying to drown out the noise in pursuit of his nap.

"Namjoon's right, though, this isn't the normal mission. And truth be told I don't feel as confident in this one as I would typically. We've never had to use this many agents, especially our best ones. It's... unsettling." You stared down at the paperwork in front of you, looking over the words you had been analyzing for the past hour.

"So what is it?" Hoseok questioned.

You sighed, sliding the stack of papers down the table. "A new species has been discovered on Earth, one unlike any of the others we've seen before. It doesn't reside in any of the universes or galaxies we know of."

"Maybe some of the other species finally did the do," Jin murmured. "I always knew the Mothman was getting a major bug boner for the Minotaur. They better invite me to their wedding if they really fornicated."

You ignored his joke as you looked over the data. "It doesn't appear to be related to any of the species we've come across, either. This isn't your average mission by any means- it's a highly risky one that requires the top agents."

"At least we all get along with one another, so we won't worry about that," Jungkook offered hopefully.

"Most of us," Yoongi murmured.

"I wasn't in charge of this lineup, and truth be told I'm surprised I'm being asked to lead the mission. There is a reason why we're the ones chosen to have the first contact with this new species," you continue. "I, for one, couldn't have picked a finer group of men."

"Fine is right," Jin snickered.

Hoseok elbowed the man in the ribs. "Way to ruin the sentiment, dumbass."

"What? You said it yourself. We've handled plenty. I'm sure this isn't that bad. Most aliens are relatively peaceful," Jin shrugged. "This'll be a walk in the park."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that." Jimin's face is sour, analyzing the paperwork in front of him. "We can forget everything we know when it comes to them. It's a blank slate, and we'll have to improvise in any possible scenario. There's no telling what could happen."

"Agent P is right- for all we know they can wipe us out within a minute for no reason. And I don't just mean the EAA." You can hear the nervousness in your voice. "I know this isn't the most efficient of options, and the Head of Board would be pissed to know I'm even offering you this, but something about this doesn't rub me the right way. Agent C, don't you dare make a joke about that expression."

He shuts his trap immediately, the joke dying in his throat as he slumped back down in his chair.

You continue your speech. "If even one of you wishes to leave the mission, I'll allow it. I'll make sure you won't be forced into this, and though we aren't supposed to harbor distractions, the last thing I'd want for one of my friends to die before my eyes. You seven, even Yoongi despite the major piece of shit he is, are the closest to my heart. I've seen agent after agent die before my eyes, but I know if we all go on this mission, nothing would be the same. I can't bear to let a single one of you go, despite the fact I know all of you are more than capable of handling yourselves. However, I discourage any of you from participating and urge you to let me do this on my own."

Immediately, chaos ensued. The men erupted in anger, offense, and shock.

"You're kidding, right? Please tell me this is one of your practical jokes," Jimin pleaded, his eyes wide.

"This is extremely stupid, even for you, Agent Q," Yoongi said, finally fully alert as he deadpanned.

"No way are we letting you go on a mission by yourself, especially with the risks you listed." Hoseok shook his head.

Jin simply crossed his arms, fuming. "I'd think you knew us better than that, Q! We aren't cowards, we won't back down from this. You said it yourself, we're friends. Friends stick together."

"He's right. We care about you too, Y/N. We feel the exact same way, but it's more reason for us to stick together," Jungkook assured you, placing a hand on your shoulder. "I was trained by the best, so I know I can handle it. I'm confident the others can, too."

"You're not alone in this," Taehyung grinned, trying to provide a sense of comfort. "You'll always have us."

You felt your heart warm at their sentiments, but couldn't reveal your emotions that way just yet. Instead, with an expressionless face, you turn to Namjoon, whose opinion you valued above all. "Agent B?"

"I think the decision is pretty unanimous, Agent Q," Namjoon said, a small smile on his face as he gave you a soft pat on your arm. "You're not getting rid of us that easily."

Were you not a master of control, you would've wept. Instead, you let out a sigh, up to interpretation for relief or frustration. You stared up at the boys, all anticipating your response, strong and firm as they stood their ground against your disapproval.

"Looks like we've got a mission on our hands, then, gentlemen."

-

"Everyone's got their suitcases packed and ready?" you question, trying to project your voice over the sound of the other jets taking off outside.

Everyone had their own suitcase- civilian clothes or disguises besides the standard black and white suit and tie, adorned with sunglasses. Extra necessities that could possibly be used for your own specialty, in case you needed to improvise. Taehyung would have spare parts for weapons to make on the go, Yoongi had torture tools, Jin first aid and medical kits, etc. There was a memory wiper for everyone, as customary as the shades. Extra weapons were standard in the luggage, as well as a basic foreign phrases booklet. You wouldn't really need that one with Jimin around, though. But most importantly was a little pen, where if one were to bite down on the tip of it, they'd consume a lethal poison. They'd be dead before they even hit the floor.

"Yes, ma'am," everyone answered, suitcases by their side.

You pulled out a pen from your jacket pocket, clicking the top eight times, each of them shrinking to be no more than five inches. About the height of Tinkerbell. The pen worked simply, just click it for as many customary suitcases there were within the radius, and it'll grow or shrink.

"Remember, gentlemen, we're going to attempt friendly interaction and such first. Still, keep weapons in hand and trained, however. We don't want to take risks," you remind them, each of them giving you a curt nod in reply.

You huff, taking in a deep breath as you began to board the jet. Your destination would be a small island off the coast of Australia, near where a plane had crashed. That's where the foreign entities seemed to be residing now.

You felt shaky, but looking back at your men, all confident and assured, you couldn't help but feel a bit the same, as though the aura was contagious.

Hopefully, this'll work.

-

Your jet landed on shore, and you waited for the foreign entities. Guns cocked and loaded, all of you prepared yourselves, forming a defense circle with each barrel pointed outwards, your backs pressed against one another's.

You furrowed your brows as you tried to look for where the entities were. They were supposed to be here.

Before you knew it the water before you seemed to swallow in, as though it were falling down a deep, long tunnel, sinking below and falling. Not swirling, like a whirlpool. Just caving in as though a new crater was formed. Your jaw dropped as an airplane, having been abandoned for years prior, bubbled up to the surface.

A group of about six or more entities was atop the plane as it went to the surface, all completely dry. Finally, the plane seemed to come to a halt, bobbing along the surface, the creatures balancing atop it.

You felt your heart sink into your stomach, your finger tense over the trigger with an urgency to shoot.

You didn't know why, but you suspected you were coming across one of the most powerful beings the world had ever known.

You studied them as the plane slowly floated closer to shore, letting them come into view. Their eyes were far bigger than a human's, unnaturally so. Their pupils seemed to be surrounded by tiny solar systems, a tiny dot within the pupil glowing bright orange, as though the sun. Their skin looked as though it were made of pure diamond, almost translucent, reflecting everywhere as the sun hit the water and bounced off of their skin, emitting rainbows wherever they moved. They dressed in robes of light silk that would protect whatever skin wasn't exposed from the blistering heat. Their hair seemed to be luscious and voluminous, cascading down and rippling in the golden light.

They were beautiful in a fascinating way, but when the head of the group went nearer, she smiled to reveal sharp teeth, you weren't so sure you'd call it beautiful by the end of this.

"So this is the tiny planet they call Earth, is it?" The voice sounded gravelly, deep, and feminine, reminding you of stones rolling down mountain tops, in a bizarre fashion. "Why is it so many venture to stay here?"

"Stay long enough and you may find out," you say, speaking formally.

She smiled, fluttering her long lashes, and you swore you could feel a soft breeze wash over you. Her bare foot stepped off the plane and onto the shore, her entourage following.  You could smell a sort of perfume that reminded you of citrus, and oddly enough she became more enchanting to you, as though putting you in a trance. No, everything was entrancing to you. The sky began to seep more colors, as though hidden gems within were coming to light. Everything was slightly iridescent, as though you were in a surreal dream.

Was she a god?

She studied you for a moment. "Are you the ruler of this planet?"

"Only the men beside me," you say, quirking your mouth to the side. This was good- real good. So far no malicious intent had been established. Simply wonder and curiosity, and on both sides. "Are you of yours?"

Her face soured, teeth hidden as she pursed her lips. "Was," she notes. "Much like yourself, I only lead with my loyal followers. We've run from our home planet."

"You seek refuge?" You look to Namjoon, and he steps forward, briefcase in hand. "We have paperwork and such for you to fill out if you wish to reside here. We cannot promise to anything, of course, and the process will be far harder considering we've never come across your species. No wars will be brought to Earth, however, under any circumstances. If you're still on Earth and your government comes looking for you, you'll be asked to leave immediately. You cannot interact with humans outside of the Extraterrestrial Association Agency, and you'll be required to share any and all information about your species."

She quirked a perfectly arched brow. "You wish to study our kind?"

"Of course," Namjoon snorted, unable to prevent himself from interjecting. "It's essential to learn about all you can, and with a new species, we cannot let the opportunity pass. Knowledge is the key to life."

She turns her attention back to you, a pleased smile shown with her pointy teeth. "Your follower is very wise. Is he a royal advisor?"

"I'm by no means royalty. I'm just leading these men," you inform her, watching as a member of her entourage takes the briefcase to Namjoon. Namjoon steps back with the other boys, still keeping his aim at the group. "And you?"

"Me?" She chuckles softly at that, as though amused. "I'm a scientist. Though I'll allow you to call me Jashwi. "

You can't help but be caught off guard by that, your brows shooting up. "Scientist?"

"You Eartheans aren't the only ones to seek knowledge," Jashwi says, her voice like silk. "My group believes in obtaining knowledge by any means necessary."

"We have a few departments that are similar," you note, thinking to Yoongi's torture methods.

"Might I ask if you all can lower your weapons? It makes my rapture a bit anxious." Her tone is serene, but you can't help but stress over her words.

"Rapture?" you repeat.

Jashwi chuckles. "An inside joke. It refers to a group of messiahs. Truth be told it's a group that all have a telepathic bond with the leader, which would be me. A singular bond with me can be formed, and I can open the gates for them to also speak to others who I have a bond with. Something that you dirt dwellers would call a hive, I suppose, but not quite."

"What are your capabilities beyond telepathy?"

She thinks back on that, thoughtful. "My species, the Anancites as we call ourselves, typically doesn't have any abilities- we're as ordinary as you. A tiny bit more immortal, and it takes far more to even attempt to hurt us. It's only very few who possess a certain spark that can even acquire a power bestowed by the gods. Though that certain quality we're looking to find out. No ordinary civilian, even of our kind, can even attempt to try to form the telepathic bond we share.

"Besides that, there's been known cases of water manipulation, which is what I possess. Others may control other elements, such as fire or air or earth- whatever else you can come up with. A specialty, however, is shadow bending, though that's more so a skill you have to learn than luck."

"Shadow bending? We've got a few of those who deal with those sorts of things. Demons and ghosts, mainly."

She shakes her head with a haughty laugh, as though she found you to be a rather amusing mouse. Jashwi's large eyes looked to you with glimmering curiosity. "You dirt dwellers hardly know anything, do you? So much for searching for knowledge. Shadow bending for us is to kill one's shadow. The shadow is where the soul resides, as both sides have to share it. You kill the shadow, you kill the person. It's something that many wish to learn where I live, for it's a skill so rare that one who possesses it immediately goes to the castle to live a life of luxury. What is it some of you call it? Ah, yes. It's to the same standard of Nirvana for some."

"Is that what you'll list as your weakness?" You could hear the soft shutter of the lens camera through someone's contact, a sound you had gotten accustomed to since your time at the agency. Based on the positioning of the sound behind you, you assumed it was Jungkook who took it upon himself to record the encounter for further documentation.

She shrugs, as though you were a small ant that had pinched her ankle, and she was a god. Unbothered and uncaring. "I suppose it'd only be fair. Blood bags such as you have far too many."

"What is it you consume?"

"We are by no means parasitic," Jashwi says demurely. "Our feeding is beneficial for both. Most species seem to need sustenance in harmful ways. Vampires drain lifeforce through drinking blood. Succubi drain lifeforce through sex. They only leave enough for them to regain strength for the next feeding, leaving an endless cycle only to serve one person's needs. No, we do not focus on selfish desires such as that. Nothing is for only one, but always for many, as it should be. I'll leave the question blank for now- you'll find out soon enough. Shall we move on?"

"And are you related to any other species?" You thought to the top of your head, trying to find something similar to them. You found nothing, truthfully, but it was worth a shot. "Sirens? Banshees? Vampires?"

She pulled the sour face again, scowling. "We choose not to interact with their kind, as they've proven themselves to be insufficient."

"Insufficient?" you muttered to yourself.

"Of course," she only said, her smile wide to reveal the sharp teeth. "And if there's one thing a true scientist hates, it's insufficiency."

"Might you state your reasoning for coming to Earth? Refuge? Vacation? Migration?"

She steps forward, inches before you. You hitch your breath as you feel all of the guns behind you point to her, her body towering over your smaller one. You'd most likely act as an 'insufficient' shield from the bullets.

"Didn't I ask for you to lower this?" She puts a single finger on the gun, lowering it so that it pointed to the floor whilst still being in your hands. "My rapture's still very anxious about my safety."

"Why are you here?" you repeat, voice hard.

She cocks her head to the side, lifting your chin with a single finger, forcing you to look at her. Her eyes take up perhaps most of the upper half of her head, and as you stare into her eyes, you see an entire universe is trapped in there. Spinning planets and moons and suns, orbiting around one another as though a digital map of her home.

Jashwi hums, staring into your eyes intently, too. You didn't have to turn around to know the boys were waiting for the signal from you to shoot.

"Do you recall when I told you about going to any means necessary for knowledge?"

"I do."

"Just making sure." You feel her fresh breath on your lips as she says that, and she lets you go. You stagger back and land on your ass, air slamming into your lungs as you realize that you were holding your breath that entire time.

"Might I speak to this one? The big one with the cute eyes," she questions.

Your eyes widen as you look to Jungkook, who seems just as shocked as you.

"Jungkook, y-"

"It's alright," he hastily cuts off, pushing past the others, gun still raised as he approaches her.

She holds his chin for a moment, examining his face as she turns it from side to side, her touch gentle. Jashwi then looks at his biceps, her touch cool as she traces the muscle beneath the nicely fitted suit.

"Would you describe yourself as strong, my boy?"

"I suppose," he says, his jaw ticked as he looked at her with a stony expression.

Jashwi looks over to your boys, quirking a brow. "Is he the strongest out of your group?"

There was no doubt about that. Warily, they nod.

She sighs, running her tongue along the inside of her cheek. "I suppose you'll have to do, then, little boy."

Her mouth opens wide, her entire face splitting in two, her jaw becoming unhinged as her mouth opened wider and wider. It was something like a bear trap, but far more terrifying. She had three sets of teeth, as though she were a shark.

Her grip on his chin was ironclad, keeping him in place and turning it to the side, as though to leave the neck exposed. Bullets fire at her carefully aimed to avoid Jungkook's writhing body as he struggles in her grip. The bullets simply embed themselves halfway inside of her, cracking some of the skin, as though she were a marble palace that refused to fall. At this point her rapture began to fight back, moving towards the men as they got more guns and blasters, testing everything they could for the creatures' limits.

Without thinking you're on your feet, slamming your body as hard as you could against Jungkook's bulky form. If he were stable on his feet, you would've uselessly bounced back to crash to the floor. Instead, he was knocked down, and before you could fall with him you're grabbed by the throat.

Jashwi doesn't bother to do so much as sneer at you, instead seeming disappointed. "I would've assumed a leader would understand better than her follower."

She raises you above her head, and you kick and thrash, her long limbs hoisting you far enough where you couldn't reach her. You could feel your face reddening fast. At this rate, you'll die.

Jashwi seems to sense that, as well as the urgency of the battle behind her. One of her men falls, Hoseok's blaster steaming after the newest hit. The body evaporated in the sun, as though it were water boiling into steam.

"Shoot the shadows! The little rainbows- now!"

Jashwi tenses, cursing under her breath as she tosses you up like a ragdoll, snatching you by your hair to allow airflow into your lungs.

"I guess you'll just have to do, won't you?" she says. "Don't disappoint me, little dirt dweller."

With that, she sinks her teeth into your jugular, and you can't even scream. She sinks all three sets of teeth into your throat, clamping down until she rips away, throwing the chunks of flesh out on the floor. Your head is barely kept together save for a bit of muscle, though there's still a gaping spot where flesh should be.

Your eyes were lifeless as your corpse hit the floor, blood everywhere as your body let it seep from the wound, running like a stream.

Jungkook still had most of the wind knocked out of him, all of it happening so fast. All he could do was watch as your body continued to bleed out before him, surrounded by nothing but blood, flesh, and chaos.

He can't help but crawl on his knees towards you, blasters and rays and more flying overhead. His eyes are fixed on your body, shock making him feel cold and numb.

No, you weren't dead. You couldn't be.

You couldn't be.

He didn't even have time to process it before Yoongi was yanking him by the bicep, putting him to his feet and shoving the blaster that had been knocked off of him into his hand. Yoongi gritted his teeth, glaring at the boy, eyes glassy. "Avenge her goddammit!"

He shoves the boy away as he aims once again at a moving shadow of one of the Acancites. It dodges the blasts, dancing around it. Jashwi hopped upon the plane, and soon enough the others wordlessly followed her, still dodging the blasts.

The crater formed again, the water parting as the rubble of the plane sank into the water, the crater resealing itself back up, the plane disappearing.

"Come back and fight, cowards!"

Taehyung enraged, fuming as he blasts into the water, watching the bright beam disappear down, down below, never to be seen again. He continues, over and over again, hot tears rolling his cheeks as he lets out whines and whimpers, his arms shaking.

"Agent V... Taehyung." Jin steps forward, pushing his arms down, ceasing the constant roll of blasts. Jin looks at the boy, who already seemed to be grieving whereas everyone else was still in shock. "Stop."

"They fucking killed her! She-" Taehyung looked back to your corpse but was unable to bear the sight. Every agent had seen a mangled body, but something about it made him want to throw up and never consume anything again. He choked on his tears, shaking. "She can't be dead, right? Y/N can't be dead. Not her, anyone but her."

He starts breathing heavily, shaking from head to foot, and Jin moves him away from the water, sitting him down where he wouldn't have to see you. Not that it helped. He could smell your blood everywhere, the smell consuming him completely. Perhaps your corpse was already beginning to rot beneath the hot beating sun.

"Guys, he's having a panic attack. Step back."

Taehyung wrapped himself into a tight ball, hugging his knees as his weapon clattered to the ground. He felt so pathetic. He felt so useless. All he could do was rock back and forth, heart pounding in his ears as he let out a cold sweat, anxiety and dread coursing through him.

What's done is done. What's done is done. What's done is done.

No. No no no no no no NO!

You weren't dead. You can't be. Not you. You were the best goddamn agent he knew, you couldn't be dead.

"Breathe, Taehyung. Deep breaths. Close your eyes, clear your head," Jin reminded him. "You need to breathe."

He did his best, taking in deep breaths, crying as he did so. He wanted this to end. All of this. He hated this feeling. He hated every bit of it.

"This is my fault," Jungkook said, staring at the elder man as the panic attack began to subside after a few minutes. "It's all my fault."

"No, it's not. No one knew what would've happened." Jimin was in such a state of shock as well, unable to even cry. He couldn't process any of what had happened.

"It should've been me. In the end, I was so stupid. If I had done something else, anything else-"

"You're having survivor's guilt-"

"Y/N should be standing here. Not me." He looked to your corpse, feeling sick to his stomach. "I should be that right now. I went up to Jashwi, and then refused my leader's orders when she tried to warn me. If I hadn't done that none of this would've happened..."

"It was an honest mistake."

"This one cost someone their life," Jungkook cut in sharply. He took in a deep breath. "This is all my fault."

"We need to stop wallowing in our pity and go find the sick bastards," Hoseok interjected. "What're we waiting for? Why don't we just dive in after them?"

"Agent A..." Jimin trails off, his voice wary.

"No, don't you 'Agent A' me. It's Hoseok. We're friends. That's the last thing she said, right? We're friends. Not just coworkers." Hoseok stared down at the water bitterly. "And friends don't let other friends die in vain. She was the closest thing I had to family, and now that's taken away, too."

"We can't rush into things without thinking rationally," Namjoon reminded him.

"Fuck rationality! They just killed my best friend, and I'll kill the sick sons of bitches myself if I have to!" Hoseok shoved Namjoon's comforting touch off of him, flinching away, boiling. "What're you going to say to change my mind?"

Namjoon's gaze softened. "Are we really just going to leave Y/N here? Are we going to abandon her? In the heat?"

Everyone quieted down at that, lowering their gazes in shame. Perhaps some of them were being too self-focused on their own misery.

"We should get her home," Yoongi says, sucking in a shaky breath. He leans forward, using his sleeve to clean your face a bit, wiping away the blood so they could see your face clearly. "It's the least she deserves, and she... she deserved... Well, she deserves more than this." His voice cracked mid-sentence as he tried to choke back tears. Despite how often he'd tell you he hated you or how you annoyed him or to leave him alone... He didn't mean any of it. He just wished he made sure you knew that. Now it was too late.

Taehyung's quiet, trying to force himself to look at you. Never had he seen you with such a blank expression. With a shaky hand, he pushes some hair out of your face, lips trembling.

"She deserved the world."

[ghostmartyr]

Avengers: Endgame Thoughts

SPOILERS, obviously.

So I figure I’ll babble enough to keep all the genuinely spoilery content under an appropriately timed cut. Even though everything after this statement is full of expectation spoilers. The few key things that I can think about to mention are that I really appreciated the movie and enjoyed the highs and teared up aplenty.

Also that I think this is going to be a primarily negative post. Whoops.

Not because I think it’s awful. I want to emphasize that I don’t think it is awful, because I am very worried that I’m going to forget to say that.

There’s a base level of quality you can sort of expect from MCU movies, so I don’t generally feel the need to move beyond the role of passive audience member for them. Then Infinity War really impressed me, and I couldn’t wait to see how everything was going to wrap up when they really left the movie there, so my investment level piqued.

As a result, there are more thoughts than usual. About a movie I really did find to be of high quality, and probably would see again happily if planning to sit still for another three hours didn’t make me twitchy.

I liked the movie.

There are just some character decisions and plot mechanics and overall writing decisions that... really?

First thing that I don’t have much to say about but can’t rationalize having a complaint post with no mention of: Thor and Hulk.

People in charge of the movie, you had no problem including Captain Marvel when you had no earthly clue what to actually do with her. Her smile warmed my heart in every scene she graced, and while I was criminally disappointed she was not more involved, none of the material she was given made me feel like the people writing her didn’t care about her.

...

Actually, now that I think about it, this should not have just a Thor and Hulk complaint section. Like that was the idea, because I didn’t have much, because I don’t care (slightly different than the writers’ level of don’t care), but the whole...

...

Oy.

Here, once for flavor, with the knowledge that I’ll get back to it and repeatedly whine about it this whole post.

I find the fucking time skip wanting in too many ways for me to really forgive the film for.

Anyway, Thor and Hulk.

In short, no.

In less short, what are you doing.

Hulk I don’t have a serious gripe with, except my main complaint about Infinity War was how Banner (I should probably change how I name him based on which character I’m talking about, but I really just mean the entity represented by a particular actor so I can’t care that much) got used up as comedy relief. You can have comedic moments and characters. If you have transformed your character into a comedic moment, you’ve fucked up.

(See Thor in too much of this movie.)

But one of the interesting parts of Hulk’s general arc in the MCU was how Banner and Hulk were starting to negotiate for their place in their body.

Cue Endgame, cue time skip, cue completely glossing over how they make their peace with each other.

Avengers franchise, why?

I am not attached to Hulk or Banner or any of that section of the plot, honestly, but the potential of that entire element is shot and left for dead in the water. Then the floating corpse gets up and starts walking around as part of a cog of the story.

Hulk’s most interesting plot point basically happened in another movie that doesn’t now, and probably won’t ever, exist, and considering what Infinity War put the guy through as a character, my writing senses are hurt and sad all over.

Then there’s Thor.

I think he might fit into the whole thing I will soon get into about character resolutions that hit the right emotional keys solidly enough that you forget they’re playing the wrong song.

Mostly he picks up the “hole” (wrongly perceived as something that needs to be filled) left by Hulk leaving the walking gag scene party. Drinking himself into oblivion and disregarding self-care in the aftermath of an immense trauma is one of the film’s chosen humor mainstays.

My impression is that I’m the only person in my tight corner of the internet who doesn’t really like Ragnarok because its silliness felt like it was trying too hard. It’s my favorite of the Thor movies, but a bunch of the humor didn’t feel natural to me. Better than Infinity War’s handling of Hulk, and better than Endgame’s handling of Thor, just not my favorite tone.

Endgame sort of takes that element, jacks it away from its surrounding strengths, and rolls out a keg for it to drown in.

When the movie remembers to empathize with Thor instead of mocking him, there are some great moments. But he draws one of the shortest straws of the movie.

And the character resolution is...

Good fuck this is why I had to say I liked the movie. Because when I actually sit down and think about my problems with it, the rest of my brain just lounges to the side in horror, wondering what could possibly have been entertaining if such elements were included.

The very beginnings of my problems with the movie is that they kill Thanos.

I think he’s dead ten minutes in.

Then they skip five years.

Five years.

Ooooh my everything.

Okay so like, you know how you start reading something, or watching something, and your head immediately takes note that oh, this must be a dream sequence. The couple in a romance is suddenly way too hot and steamy for where the story has them in their development, a random bomb goes off, the guy who destroyed half of all life in the universe because no one can stop him in the last movie is killed in the first ten minutes of the next--

There’s like.

A rhythm. There’s a rhythm to how stories work.

When that rhythm is disrupted, the audience is left with a tangible feeling of wtf. Either that feeling enhances the other quality stuff going on, or it enhances the other Quality stuff going on, if you catch my drift.

You step into a vacuum.

It’s great for recreating that sense of absence. The world is irrevocably changed. It’s emptier. The heroes are broken. Their revenge doesn’t fix anything. They just. continue to exist, with losses they aren’t equipped to handle.

FIVE YEARS OF IT.

I have probably a longer list of things I want stories involving time travel not to do than is perhaps healthy. But maybe stories involving time travel should keep their act together better or I don’t know.

Bad Future ends are not something I appreciate, because often, they go grimdark just because they can, because they know it’s not the final future, so anything goes. You don’t have to treat it like any reality that matters, because it isn’t permanent.

This story... I would say it toes the line there, but in ways that grate on me thoroughly enough that it presses all the same buttons.

Thanos can die in the first ten minutes, and it doesn’t matter. We know it doesn’t matter, because it happens in the first ten minutes. ...Maybe twenty, to be safe. It’s early. But you have this villain who’s built up to a ridiculous degree, bizarrely succeeds in living up to his own hype, then you kill him off so that a younger version of himself gets top billing in the final battle.

Why?

I get why as far as the story is designed, but at some point in the process, this story is designed by humans. Humans who could have stopped and asked themselves if they were really telling the best version of this story they possibly could.

Thanos is defeated while his blight remains. I love saying that. I love that I can describe a story with those words.

But the initial defeat is so unsatisfying and bereft of life. All the energy of him as an external force for our heroes to unite against is bled out early, and to get it back, they really do just ship in a younger model.

Which does make sense. Younger Thanos’ motives are fine and reasonable. Just, as far as the plot design, the whole presentation of the movie’s setting feels like a dream sequence. It feels, very early on, like this will never be allowed to be forever.

Then that feeling lasts for five years.

Getting into the time travel thing.

Time travel is really hard to get right in stories. You want to change something, but the people doing the changing are products of what they’ve lived through. How do you honor that while still fixing the unspeakable evil that happened? How do you change the world while keeping the threads that made us care alive and relevant?

One thing I very much like is that Tony fights to keep what he’s gained alive. Good. The volcanic soil grew him something irreplaceable, and it’s perfectly reasonable for him to want to hold on to that, and I’m glad he does.

But then you have the other half of the story, where no one is able to move on.

My preference for time travel correcting things is for characters to either be trying to change their own future that they have yet to live through, or for them to trying to fix something that is so recent the characters are still wrangling with it as a piece of their present. I have more than a touch of “humans should not mess with these things they don’t know what they’re doing,” past a certain point.

In case it weren’t obvious, five years is pretty far past that point for me. It hits this awful uncanny valley sweet spot of people wanting to change a reality that never should have been vs. people who are willing to fuck up the world because they can’t let go.

I like superheros. I like correcting injustices. Save all the people. I like people fighting tooth and nail to fix things set in stone because these are their people, dammit.

I also hate seeing people so stuck in the past they refuse to make a future.

This movie screams both of those elements so loudly that it’s hard for me to really piece out how I feel about the story in its entirety.

I like that they don’t simply hit an undo button, and do bring everyone back in a way that lets the future that has already happened continue.

But then there’s Steve and Nat and just... fuck, dude.

Gun to my head, I’m a happy person. If everyone could be alive at the end, that would be my preference, I don’t care if it’s cheesy. But you have the choice between Hawkeye and Black Widow. The man who’s lost his family, and the woman who’s lost purpose.

Or something. I don’t do MCU meta.

The sense I get from watching is that Natasha feels like her life works better as a sacrifice. If they succeed, she doesn’t have children and a wife waiting at home. So clearly it makes sense for her to be the one to die. Her road ends to bring back the happiness of others.

Which...

I don’t know how to articulate my problem with this without moving on to Steve first.

So let’s do that.

Steve.

Steve, whose story ends with him going back in time and staying there.

Forget about how the story criticizes every movie that does time travel better than it. Forget about all the levels of not caring went into designing the time travel elements. If possible.

I do not like how Steve’s story is essentially about how there’s only one time and place for him to experience a fulfilling life.

It is the nature of writing stories that we want to encapsulate things. The perfect moment. The perfect set of emotions. The perfect time. Everything falls into place, and that’s how we want it. We’ll never get it better than that. Keep retreading that dead horse, because it was so good.

Steve and Peggy are beautiful together.

What I hate about them ending up together is that... there’s this obvious, painful belief that the world of the future doesn’t have anything left for Steve. Bucky’s there. Sam’s there. Billions of people have just found there way back. Steve’s lived in this century for years.

Reclaiming the past is more important than building a future.

Even though the story’s driving plot is about keeping their past maintained so they can have this future. Or something.

Steve doesn’t have a future. Natasha doesn’t have a future. So the story removes them from it, and calls that a clean, happy (if bittersweet) ending. They’re pieces that don’t work in this world. Their chances are gone. They can live in the past or die.

I hate that. I’m a sap who will read a million stories about someone having a single true love they can’t be without and no one else could ever compare and blah and blah and blah, but that somehow feels different from watching a character’s life play out for years, and seeing them come to the conclusion that they can never belong in this place.

Building a new home never compared to the old one.

That’s depressing as fuck.

Thor gets a piece of this as well, becoming more of a knight errant than a king. After going to so much trouble to become his people’s king and just. Geez.

I don’t think that this is a thing the movie as a whole is really trying to encourage. I think the people working on it just had different visions for what would be cool as a sendoff and so on. Tony’s insistence that they don’t undo the five years they’ve had, and Nebula’s... everything--those aren’t elements of a story that says you can’t grow and find a new place. You don’t have to keep on repeating what you know and nothing else. You really don’t.

But that feels very twisted around for some of these characters’ personal journeys, and as happy as I am for Steve getting his dance with Peggy, the idea that this is a person whose true happiness could never be in the future...

That lingers in a way that I can’t like, and colors a lot of the other resolutions.

.

.

I really enjoyed the movie?

Yay?

Even though no one cared even a little at all even once except to attempt to drag other movies about time travel.

This movie’s time travel mechanics are terrible.

They’re just bad.

When you drop the titles of that many other things that have time travel.

And say this isn’t like that.

You should. you should hope. that your thing could at least make a convincing case for making more sense.

This does not succeed in that.

How could you watch enough of those movies to know they had time travel, yet fail to learn anything about how to write time travel. How. Why did you. why. Dragon Ball Z has more internally consistent time travel.

Three hours well spent. The hours on this, maybe less well.

[mikkock]

HELLO I ADORE YOUR OCS SO MUCH WILL YOU TELL ME ABOUT KAI HE LOOKS LIKE A TOTAL "YOUR DAUGHTER CALLS ME DADDY TOO" DOUCHEBAG AND I FUCKING LOVE HIM AND WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT HIM

LBLMVBGK THANK U OMG love it when ppl like my kids, im a proud dad rn

ALSO wrow congrats on ur on point analysis, cause, that’s the Essence Of His Being (fun fact since i got two characters who go by the name of kai -cause fuck that basic writing tip that says ‘dont have two characters named the same thing- i usually refer to him as The Bad Kai cuz he a bad bitch)

so lets unwrap that dude shall we uwu 

SO this dude was created when i realised my story didnt have antagonists so i made a bunch of Bad People and then they all became good people after i started giving them more personnality somehow eXCEPt him for some reason, the only survivor of the “everyone will be baby” plague, the only rude bitch in this house, the only guy who’s still on the dark grey side of morally grey...but tbh im in love with him cause he’s an asshole and im an idiot so like.

His base concept was basically something along the lines of “fuckboy but make it Couture”, like douchebag indeed But Gotta Be Fancy at being one, gotta add a pinch of Sneaky Bitch in the pot. His aesthetic is Chillin, gettin in ur pants, then moving on for some more chillin and more pants. So if you’re into some funky sexy time with no pressure and no ties, ya gon get along, your goals meet, time to have fun.

All that is supported by his charisma, cause unless ya got some nasty history, he’ll just look like that charming bad-boy “oho hot dude with a dangerous but not agressive” vibed person, and he’s quite a sweet-talker. He’s probs not only the ‘your daughter calls me daddy’ kind but also ‘and so will YOU, i’m scoring with the whole family and you wont stop me (and you wont WANT to stop me)’ 

He got that handsome ppl priviledge ya feel

but also, he wouldnt be a rude guy if he was just the ‘i enjoy chill frick-fracking and im just so sexy that no one can say no to that booty’ guy

Dude got quiiite some spite-fueled ego and Does Not Take losing well, and will not, in fact, let himself lose on any objective he has, and when that objective is A Person, he gets ugly. Being good at sweet talking also means being good at small stuff like “not saying exactly the truth always when it would be more beneficial not to”, “deliberately using euphemistic, ambiguous or obscure language so to mask wrong doings and technically saying the truth but in such a way that it becomes completely masked by a thick fog of bullshit”, and “use words and behaviour in general to influence others unscrupulously so to get something in return”. Even a little “playing with their perception in order to make them doubt in their thoughts and selves”. In short dude got no qualms about using all the tools of manipulation available if it means that he comes on top (or on bottom if the goal was getting an assful eeeeeey we’re masters of comedy here) It tends to be all for short term results tho, so not much your ‘boyfriend who convinces you you’re nothing without him” and more of a “you thought you were dating but only you were thinking that as he always kept it just vague enough to have you not official yet convinced of his and now you’re blaming yourself for believing you were together”

master of getting ass, also master of Ugly Ass Breakups, and master of suddenly dissapearing from your life so hard that you wonder if it was just your imagination all along (he got ugly past with a bunch of other ocs especially he’s ex boyfriend with two that are now together cause i dig that sort of drama the sAME dUDe gave u the trust issues that held u from going full lovey dovey ? i fucking lIVE off that kinda shit wait until he pops back like ‘oho hello fancy seeing YOU TWO here my two fave exes together incredible what a small world”)

Though I have to rework on all that cause that backstory is oLD AS SHIT (like prolly i built it in what, 2016? ew ugly) I had that stem from some sort of neglect-fueled inferiority complex. I had given him a kinda cold family with a bunch of siblings who got Way More Nurtured due to their respective talents and achievements, having him left behind and feeling like he got nothing. SO that’s basically the explanation as of today but i dont like iiiiit anymooooore so I’ll have to work on it to make it something i dig, cause idk, bitch feels flat so far.

BUT i do intend on keeping the whole concept of ~Loneliness~, and of him working alone and quite hard for anything he gets. And the general need of proving himself that had come from the WIP backstory. I don’t exactly see him as an overachiever at all, but definitly as an obstinate and persevering hardworking guy, because “Look YALL I WAS aBLE TO DO THIS YALL THOUGHT I COULDNT HUH YALL LOOK DOWN ON ME well fuck u cause idc im better than u now also ur mum’s into bondage i kno from experience bye”. So tbh pair up with him for group projects, you’ll be sure his share of the work will be done (but also if you dont do yours then he’s probably going to be a bITCh about it, no remorse in leaving blank slides in the middle of the powerpoint and then loudly proclaiming ‘OH RIGHT This was supposed to be Kevin’s part but I suppose he never sent it to me, despite the numerous reminders i sent him, no big deal, no hard feelings, its ok sweetie we all sometimes feel too lazy i forgive u :)” )

Also he’d be Chill to hang out with for like, parties, nights out at the bar, that kinda shit. He definetly has some beans to spill about quite some people, he gathers the goss as he gathers lovers (i was gonna end that in “as he spreads legs” but it sounded too PG-18 for this good Well Behaved family friendly blog) and Will Not stay tight lipped, and Will be a bitch when trashtalking people, and It Will Be Entertaining as it always is when you’re hearing about crazy exes and you’ve had some beers. 

Now trivia that idk where else to write cause idk i stupid or more like disorganised :

- he digs red ale beer like if ya wanna win him over with the appropriate alcohol offer there u go

- he’s a fake blonde (cause my hobby is painting regrowth roots on hair)

- his design is a mixture of those 3dgy denim boys u see on pinterest and the specific brand of fuckboys that are french-L-section-chic-grunge-hipster-fuckboys (L section is like a branch of highschool)(that word combo is a so specific kinda guy)(its kinda like a softboi but more arrogant but in a lowkey way)(also they rich)(but he’s not rich so guess that should make him Less Arrogant)

-im constantly dead afraid of giving him more characteristics and story or whatveer cause he’s the only meanie i got left and i do Not want him to stop being an asshole but everytime i develop a character they end up nice or redeemed or whatever and i wanna keep him a bitch so i neglect him (just like his parents in his 2016 version wow)

he smokes (prolly started quite early to Be Kool and now relies on it for stress relief)

he’s outspoken and extraverted and prolly the guy who had a lot to say when you were doing debates in class (there’s always that person who has a Lot to argument about)(its him) but outside of a Set and Defined debate structure he probably doesnt give his mind voraciously 

he’s a law student and despite saying he’s the one bad guy left he probably wont be a corrupt lawyer or judge or whatever like come on he will do his job properly he worked hARD FOR THIS justice may be served

he’s not the kind to openly hate or even dislike anyone cause what’s the point of wasting your energy on that? its much funnier to him to be obnoxiously Neutral with someone and basically ignore them but still strike them with some Spikes of passive-agressive comments, let them be Mad at your calmness

he’s 177cm tall (that’s like 5.8 according to google)

honestly if you’re bros with him he’s fun to be with the being a jerk is completly coincidental 

he probably ranks high in the list of “those criminals who steal big lighters from their friends” 

i think at a point his design had tattoos but i forgot the designs of those so now he doesnt anymore

a dog person

i think ive run out of facts (or my brain dead) so im leavin with a shirtless pic cause my hobby is drawing tits

in short, charming asshole who can get ugly, secretly feels lonely and small, works hard for himself, better have him as a friend than as a foe though probably not the most frontally agressive enemy, and also, your booty, hand it over.

[oblivion-time]

The Dead Tell No Tale

@darkpurply Couldn’t tag but there is a link! has been a wonderful artist and she made the most awesome gifs ever! Especially the last one, you should check it out!

After a charm gone wrong, Maka, Soul, Black*Star, Tsubaki, Liz, Patty, Kid and Marie end up at a haunted school. Dead bodies are around every corner and the threat of death looms over them in the shape of three ghost girls, a man with a chainsaw and other unknown threats lurking in the dark. There is no way out. No way to find each other. Only death is certain.

Pairing: SoulxMaka, LizxTsubakixBlack*Star Rating: Explicit Warnings: Dark themes, gore, character deaths. Not a story for the weak-hearted.

You can read the fic in its entirety at AO3 or FF.net

Chapter 1

Sachiko We Beg of You

Laughter resonated within their home classroom as the seven teens sat in a perfect circle. Black*Star held the candle in front of him and casted haunting shadows disarranging his usual soft and kind face into a horrifying image.

"The librarian went closer and closer…" A wide grin spread on his face as Liz used Tsuabki as a shield, peeking over her shoulder. "… she went over to the student staring out of the window. She patted the student's shoulder and the student didn't respond. The librarian shook the student's shoulder and his head fell off and landed on the ground. All of his teeth were gone and the librarian knew the tooth fairy was real."

Behind Tsubaki Liz quivered madly as she clung onto her friend.

Patty sitting beside her sister laughed like a mad man as she slapped the floor as if the story hadn't been a horror one, but a comedy.

Black*Star growled as he lowered the candle from his face, glaring at Patty. "Hey! You aren't supposed to laugh!"

"But it's funny!" Patty defended.

"It's not! Okay! Having your teeth pulled out and taken by a demon isn't funny!"

"But everybody knows the tooth fairy is good! She leaves money behind and she makes good use of your spoiled teeth."

"Yeah, that story was lame," Soul agreed as he placed his hand on Black*Star's shoulder. "The only one you managed to scary was Liz and she has been scared the whole day!"

Liz threw Soul a deadly look. "Shut up."

Soul snorted. "And what are you going to do? It's not like you will be able to walk with your shaky legs."

Liz gave him the finger.

"Honestly, will you two never make peace?" Kid shook his head slowly from his seat beside Maka. "It's just a bad ghost story. And badly told too."

"Hey!" Black*Star barked. "It was good."

Maka blew a raspberry. "Yeah right. Pausing to say if it was you in that situation you wouldn't even break a sweat is telling a story badly."

"Oh yeah? If you can tell a story better then go on right ahead!"

"Oh no, no, no, no, no!" Liz quickly protested the moment Black*Star closed his mouth, waving her hand in distress as she hid behind Tsubaki's shoulder. "Please, anybody else than Maka! Maka always tells the scariest stories ever!" Liz squeaked.

"It's alright sis," Patty soothed her sister. "It's just a story."

"Actually, this story I'm about to tell you took place within this very building." Maka said as she grabbed the candle and held it in front of her; the light casted eerie shadows on her face, deranging her usual soft cheeks and cute features.

"Please don't Maka. Can we at least turn on the light?"

"Oh no." Gently Maka shook her head. "This incident actually happened during a rainy day, just like this one, around this very time of the day, a hundred years ago."

All the teenagers' eyes were on her, holding their breaths at Maka's too serene voice.

"A teacher wandered the halls of the elementary school, making sure all the children had gone home for the day. After checking the last classroom on the top floor, she closed and locked the door." Maka imitated the creaking door. Liz squeezed her eyes tightly shut as if it would make the story disappear. Soul watched Maka's composed expression as cool terror wandered up his spine. "She headed down the stairs when suddenly―" her voice crescendo, "―the step under her foot broke and she tumbled down the stairway. She shrieked in pain and instantly, her scream came to an end. When her body hit the ground, her neck was broken."

"Is that the end?" Liz cracked her eye open.

Maka smirked, the shadows on her face made her look insane. "No. The news of the teacher's death reached the public. The community questioned the safety of the school, and eventually a decision was made. The school was closing. The principle was devastated, so ashamed his beloved school was closing. He was so ashamed of himself he covered his face with a mask and jumped off the building to his death."

"Boring!" Black*Star exclaimed, arms boastfully tied behind his head, but everybody had caught the slight tremble from his hands.

"That's not the end." Maka turned to her childhood friend. "The school was closed, but from the day of the accident and to the day the school closed, people reported hearing voices from the corridors of a female, calling for anybody still left in the building."

Soul let out a shaky breath, trying to maintain his cool and the fact that he did absolutely not under any circumstances have goose bumps on his arm hidden under his leather jacket. Maka was way too good of a storyteller. She would make even the most stable person uneasy. Even their "god" didn't want to admit it, he was scared too.

"Come on, that's just a bunch of bullshit you've come up with! That does not have a based on a true story stamp on it!" Black*Star bolstered.

"Actually anything can have a based on a true story stamp and be completely legal," Kid pitched it.

"Even if it wasn't true, you were scared," Soul spoke.

"Hey! I wasn't!"

"Oh yeah? How come you were biting your nails the entire time?" Soul grabbed Black*Star's wrist and he raised his hands, showing off the bite-damaged nails hanging loose from his fingernails and the sore irritated skin on his fingers.

Black*Star slapped Soul's hand away as their friends laughed at Black*Star and he hid his hand from them. "Uncool. You were supposed to be on my side!"

"Can we please just turn on the lights!" Liz begged, her voice shaking and her nails digging into Tsubaki's shoulder. Tsubaki empathetically patted her hand calmly.

"Okay fine." Maka stood up and she went over to the light switch just by the classroom door and flipped it on. The classroom was once again bathed in light and the rain drops dripping on the glass was seen. The classroom was already cleaned and ready for class on Monday after their Halloween festival the school held. All the scary Halloween decorations were no more around and their bloody school costumes were gone and in their lockers.

Liz let out a sigh of relief and she went slack against Tsubaki.

"That was a lot of fun!" Patty cheered as she jumped up on her legs to Maka blowing out her candle. "Maka you sure do know a lot of ghost stories!"

"Thanks. I get a lot from Miss Lady Arachne's blog and Tezca Tlipoca's work."

"Oh please can somebody stop her before nobody can shut her up," Soul muttered and he earned a hard glare from Maka, but she didn't say anything to him. Even a tease wasn't enough to earn a sound from her directed toward him.

"It's a very interesting story. You should write a script for us to play out in the theatre club," Kid suggested as he rested his chin against his palm, obviously coming up with the idea at the moment.

"That would actually be really cool—"

Soul rolled his eyes into his head as Maka gushed toward Kid when the lights went out.

Liz let out a nervous laugh. "W-w-what is going on?!"

"Who turned the lights off?!" Patty exclaimed.

"What the fuck did you do Maka?" Soul accused.

"I-I didn't do anything!" Maka defended.

"Bullshit! You're the one standing closest to the switch!" Black*Star sneered.

"It's not because of the light switch," Kid said. "Look out in the corridor! Even the lights outside are off!"

"It must be a black out or a plug must've gone." Tsubaki reasoned.

"It's not a black out. Look out of the window. The lights in the other windows are still on. A plug must've gone," Kid said.

"A plug at this hour? We didn't even use any energy sources!" Liz exclaimed. "Oh man what is going on?!"

"Everyone be quiet!" Maka overpowered her classmates' panicked voices. "Listen."

Everyone grew quiet. Liz quivered in fear as she bit on her nails, clinging onto Tsubaki as tightly as she could. Someone grew closer to Maka from the sounds of soles as quietly being dragged toward her. From the direction of the source of the sound, it belonged to someone she did not want close to her.

All the teens listened. Outside in the corridor something was dragged against the floor and then thudded. Something was dragged and then a thud rung outside in the dark corridor. The pattern repeated and it grew closer.

It was footsteps.

Soul held his breath as he stood close to Maka, ready for whatever would happen. Tsubaki grabbed Liz's hand and squeezed it tightly.

The footsteps had Soul's heart rushing within his chest and his senses in readiness as the sound of the footsteps stopped. Right outside of the classroom. The door handle was pushed down slowly and the door creaked as it slowly cracked open.

"Is aNYoNe iN tHeRE?"

The teens shrieked loudly in horror.

The lights were suddenly turned on and the door slid further open, revealing none other than their homeroom teacher, Miss Marie Mjolnir.

Miss Marie let out a hearty laughter as she rested against the door frame. "You were all so scared!" Maka went up to her teacher, earning confused glances from Soul when she gave Miss Marie a high-five and grinned just as wide.

"I call that a mission accomplished!" Maka cheered.

"Wait…! Was this just a prank?!" Liz screamed.

"Can't your teacher pull one simple prank on you?" Miss Marie grinned wide. "Oh I haven't had this much fun in a while! Maka here explained her plan and I just couldn't resist! You know I was young once and I pulled a similar prank on my classmates like this one."

"What the fuck?!" Black*Star screamed and his hands balled. "Are you trying to overshadow the mighty prankster ME! You can't overshadow the GOD of PRANKS with lame ass pranks like this!"

"Oh yeah?" Maka crossed her arms over her chest. "This was just the beginning! I still haven't forgotten the time you put a tarantula in my hair!"

"Come on, it was just a prank bro—"

Soul put his hand on Black*Star's shoulder. "I suggest you don't finish that sentence if you want to live."

Black*Star blew a raspberry. "As if she could take me down! I'm the almighty ME! Miss tiny tits has nothin' on me!"

Miss Marie clapped her hands and earned her students' attention and broke off the glare war between Maka and Black*Star that was just starting. "It's getting late and your parents must start wondering where you are. The janitor will soon come and start locking the school up."

"Wait hold on!" Maka ran over to her messenger bag she had left on her desk and swung it over her shoulder. She opened her lid and she started running her hands through it before she pulled up an odd paper doll; one that had abnormally long arms going down to the paper doll's knees. Maka turned toward Tsubaki as she held the paper in her hands. "Since this is your last day of school before you're transferring to Japan, I thought we could do this charm."

It was right. Tsubaki was transferring. Her parents had grown tired of the life in the USA and longed to return home to Japan where their older son was already studying at university. All of their friends were shocked when she broke the news to them of her transferring at the beginning of their senior year. They thought her parents would wait until she had finished high school, but they longed for Japan and their summer vacation there hadn't quenched their thirst, instead it had poured gasoline on the flame.

It was heart-breaking to lose their friend. Now Maka would no longer have her only friend she could speak Japanese with. Liz wouldn't have her best friend around and Black*Star would lose her. The Halloween festival was supposed to be a fun time with their friends and classmates, but instead it had been rough for the friend group. They were supposed to have the day of their lives and have a fun Halloween weekend together with plenty of horror movies and ghost stories and sleepovers, but instead it would be gloomy with Tsubaki packing up her last things and going on a plane to Japan.

A soft smile had spread on Tsubaki's lips as she quizzically glanced at the paper doll. "What kind of charm is it?"

"It's a charm to bind us all together. After we do this charm, we will always have a part of each other with us and we will never be apart."

Tsubaki paused before she nodded. "Okay, let's do it."

A wide smile spread on Maka's face and she nodded eagerly. "Everyone gather around in a circle."

The teens didn't question it. They all gathered in a circle and their homeroom teacher was left looking at them, until Tsubaki noticed it.

"Please join us Miss Marie," Tsubaki encouraged.

"You want me to join?"

"Of course!" Patty chirped. "You're our homeroom teacher!"

Miss Marie didn't object. Quite frankly, she was happy of the impact she had made on these kids. After she had graduated from university and gotten her first teaching job at Shibusen High, she was assigned their class, and she couldn't be happier. As much as she taught them, they taught her too. When she was in the process of divorcing her ex-husband Frank, the kids had been understanding and kind when she was more than flustered and the classes she had to cancel to meet with her divorce attorney. The kids reminded her of how foolish she had been when she was young. Letting the true love of her life go in favour of acting as a caretaker of the mentally ill man who under no circumstances wanted any help, simply wanted her company and her to take care of his home and patching him up when he had his hallucinations and psychotic breaks. She hadn't been able to take it anymore and, the kids had helped her realise the mistake she had done.

It was emotional to see one of her students leaving her. She dreaded the day of their high school graduation and she would have to let this wonderful class of bright and passionate students go.

This one last engagement in a playful charm she could do. For Tsubaki.

Black*Star and Patty made room between them for their teacher and Maka held out the paper doll toward them.

"You have to listen carefully if you want the charm to succeed. I want all of you to grab a hold of the paper doll and close your eyes. Then you'll chant Sachiko we beg of you for everyone present. That will be… six… seven… eight. Eight times."

"A perfect eight. Marvelous," Kid said pleased as he looked at his friends, earning smiles from them.

"After everyone has said it eight times, we will rip the paper doll and it will be done!" Maka cheered. "Everybody got it memorised?"

"Say Sachiko we beg of you eight times. Rip the paper doll. We got it," Soul repeated her instructions.

"Good. Now everybody grab a hold of the paper doll and close your eyes."

The classmates and their homeroom teacher grabbed a hold of the paper doll and their eyes fluttered shut. Silence filled the air as they chanted the words in their mind. Moments went by until they cracked their eyes open and Maka was first to break the silence.

"Are everybody done?" She received nods from her friends. "Then rip it!"

Everybody pulled at their piece of the doll and it tore into eight pieces.

"Good job everyone!" Maka beamed. "Now you keep your piece of the doll on you and we will forever be together forever!"

Black*Star raised his eyebrow as he peered at his piece. "How the hell will a piece of paper keep us together?"

"It doesn't work like that. It's more like a token. Whenever we look at the scrap of paper we will think of each other and everybody who were present during the charm," Kid explained with ease, and Maka nodded at the precis conclusion.

"Exactly. You can keep your piece of your paper in your student ID so you can always have it close to you."

Soul quizzically looked at the paper, but he did as Maka said and slid the paper inside of his student ID holder.

Miss Marie clapped her hands and earned the attention of the students. "We need to leave before the janitor locks us all inside. Grab your belongings and we shall all say our goodbyes outside—"

Miss Marie's voice drowned when the ground started to shake violently. Maka gasped loudly and Soul quickly latched onto her, stabilizing her from falling to the ground.

"Everybody get under the desks!" Miss Marie declared.

Lamps swung violently, one after another the cord snapped and hit the ground.

"Look out." Liz tackled Tsubaki out of the way, milliseconds away from a lamp crashing on her skull.

Floor boards creaked loudly, nails sprouting from the floor as if they were a breed of iron flowers. The wood cracked, splitting open and falling down to an endless abyss. Screams filled the air as the gap rapidly grew larger. Their desks one by one fell down into the growing hole growing rapidly closer to them. The floor underneath Soul and Maka's feet disappeared, clinging desperately onto each other as they fell. Maka reached toward their friends as if they could catch them from their fate. Tsubaki and Liz screamed at the top of their lungs as they fell down, the floor completely collapsed and all of them fell into the strange abyss.

[gay-elves]

I have issues

First of all, queerbaiting is never fucking okay

If you’re going to have LGBT rep, make it fucking LGBT rep and don’t announce it and then give it zero screen time during the actual season

They never even acknowledge it

The only reason we know Shiro is gay is because they told us

Adam was probably supposed to be a friend originally, but then they went ‘oh fuck we forgot LGBT rep oops :)’

And most of all, don’t fucking announce LGBT rep and then kill half the ship before they can even get closure over everything that happened

While we’re on the topic of LGBT rep, could you fucking not build up a beautiful arc between two rivals as they slowly become friends and teammates, and then throw the entire arc away before it really ends

And while you’re at it, don’t fucking just add them in at random places to make it look like you’re trying

Also, could you not treat Lance as a romantic side plot and instead like the amazing paladin that he is, because he is talented and good at what he does and smarter than you portray him as, and spending an entire episode calling him the dumbest one on the team is Not Good

He can have his romantic moments, but to use him as a plot device and almost like a side character solely for a love story is toxic

Lance is a person, not a romantic to use when the plot gets slow, and he’s not comedy relief to introduce when it’s getting too dark

In addition, treating Allura like that is just as bad

Because you can’t pair her up in a manipulative relationship with the universe’s greasiest warthog because she’s a naive damsel in distress

Also, she showed no romantic interest in anyone for the first six and a half seasons. Having her suddenly be like that around Lance is unrealistic, unhealthy for viewers, and painful to watch

Because they’ve had next to no arc together. Lance may have loved her from the beginning, but at this point his flirting has stopped and all interest in her that he shows feels forced and like last second planning. Allura herself never liked Lance romantically until APPARENTLY this season!

Also, don’t you dare toss the POC characters aside like that. We got massive screen time from the Holts, Garrison, and Keith, and even much more attention went to Coran this season. 

Fuck, James, the white fuckboy, had more character development this season that Lance or Hunk ever did

And yeah we got to see Hunk stepping up

But he never saved his family like he wanted to, was cast aside for much of the last few episodes, and Lance was treated like shit as usual

And Kinkade? Didn’t even fucking talk once?

On top of all of that, the plot was boring, repetitive, and not worth my time

So thank you, Voltron, for wasting five hours of my life with toxic relationships and views on POC and LGBT people. Thanks for making a kids show so unbearably dark and unhealthy. Thanks for effectively taking away two years of my life!

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

Hello, I am trying to avoid falling into the pit fall that is trying to write a female character who is very in control of her sexuality and also dresses in fairley reveling way, without objectifing her. She dresses like she does because she wants it to be very clear to every one around her that it is not a matter of whether not she could punt you through a wall but rather how far you would go after that. and she is well out of the 'confused' period of her life, and into the 'proud to be me' .

Hello!  For the purposes of this response, I’m going to assume you’re a (heterosexual?) male author, in which the first step I’d recommend for writing about this is to consult as many women as possible about it.  Seeing as I am a women, I’d say you’re ahead of the game in this department.  

Next, here are some personal tips and rules of thumb for writing about sexual female characters without sexualizing them:

1.  Treat them as people.  

Regardless of how promiscuous, attractive, and sexual your character is, she will have defining traits beyond that.  Focus on your character’s personality before you describe her appearance.  Spend some time working out her idiosyncrasies, quirks, likes and dislikes, that don’t involve sex.  Make sure she’s a well-rounded character before you even think about focusing on her sexuality;  her appearance should be an afterthought, not a defining feature.  

This goes for characters of all genders:  regardless of how stunningly attractive they’re emphasized to be, regardless of the author’s relentless descriptions of their “rock hard abs” or “ample breasts,” the characters I find most attractive are invariably the ones with a strong and well-defined personality.  

Basically, regardless of how sexy your character is, she is, first and foremost, a person, with a fully developed personality.  Remember that, and you’ll be several steps ahead of your fellow male authors.

2.  Make sure she’s dressed practically and appropriately.   

Revealing clothes are great.  I’ll show cleavage like nobody’s business.  But don’t fall into the false empowerment purgatory of ridiculously revealing clothes that are neither appropriate to the situation nor practical for what your character is doing.  

For instance, if your character is kicking ass and taking names, she should not be doing it like this:

If your character is setting out for a fight, avoid gratuitous cleavage, showing too much skin, and basically anything that looks like it could just as easily be exhibited in a Victoria’s Secret ad.  

Some more practical options for your female characters include full-body spandex (like male superheroes have been wearing since spandex was invented), cargo pants and tank tops, and athletic-wear.  I also personally enjoy basically any character in full-body latex or leather, and it’s totally not because its a personal kink of mine.

In a quiet, controlled, dress up-y setting, your character can wear the revealing clothes she prefers, but there are some basic guidelines for this as well:      

3.  Stay away from gratuitously focusing on breasts. 

“My full breasts swelled invitingly over the lacy rim of my sports bra.”  “Her small breasts swung loosely beneath her poncho.”  “She purred as she contentedly patted her young breasts dry.”

So many male writers do this, and it never fails to grate on me.  Even if your character is wearing the most cleavage-bearing, Jessica Rabbit-esque getup imaginable, she will not be thinking about her boobs 24/7, especially if it’s told in the first person. 

The only time I’m actively thinking about my breasts is when I’m thinking about how much they’re fucking annoying me.  Right now, for example, I’m thinking about them because all my bras are in the wash and the only one available was one of my mom’s sports bras, and it feels like a goddamn binder.  

Do I love them?  Am I happy to have them?  Yes, but sometimes they fucking suck, man.  

On that note, however, the feeling of taking off a bra is heavenly, and I do occasionally like putting my hands on them for no particular reason.  

If you want to emphasize that your character is physically beautiful, and she’s wearing revealing clothing, here are a few body parts that I wish authors would pay more attention to: 

“The lean, well-defined muscles of her back rippled like liquid.”  

“The slit up the side of her evening gown showed off a smooth expanse of thigh.”  

“Her hair was braided to one side, calling attention to her slender neck and sharp jawline and showing off her toned shoulders.”     

This might be the queer gal in me talking, but I’d say that’s a definite improvement.

4.  Allow her to have physical flaws.

“Her lovely sloping waist gave way to voluptuous hips, perfectly mirroring the ample roundness of her bosoms.  Luscious locks of silky blond hair framed her heart-shaped face and high cheekbones, accentuating lush lips and a petite button nose, large eyes framed with lush lashes.”  

This is a condensed version of the descriptions I’ve read.  Authors, particularly male authors, will take up entire pages describing flawlessly beautiful female characters that probably couldn’t exist outside of a magazine.  

Don’t do this.  Even if your character is stunningly gorgeous, it’s her physical idiosyncrasies that will make her memorable.  Give her a honking laugh, a birthmark, a scar, one crooked tooth that stands out in an otherwise perfect smile.

Moreover, as a general rule of thumb, stay away from cutesy descriptors “petite button noses,” “doe eyes,” “lush, long lashes,” “doll-like,” “porcelain skin,” and basically anything else that sounds as though you’re describing a children’s toy.  One or two characters can have these features, but when every female character sounds like a porcelain doll, it gets tiresome. 

Confession time:  I like to endow my male characters with these traits just to throw people.  A lot of my male main characters will be described as having large, doe-like eyes with long lashes, lush pink lips, delicate features, and/or basically everything else cute and “feminine” with which female characters are frequently endowed. 

I feel like it’s quietly subversive, because there’s a lot of pressure for male characters to constantly be masculine (if not, it’s usually presented as comedy relief), just as it’s customary for female characters to consistently be effortlessly cute, delicate, and feminine.  

Your female characters will not always be cute, delicate, and feminine.  Even the most gorgeous people in the world will occasionally wake up with static-y, bird’s nest hair and dark raccoon circles under their eyes.  They get body odor, they go to the bathroom, they get bad breath, they get unsightly rashes, have allergic reactions, get bug bites.  

Granted, you probably won’t need to describe that in gratuitous detail, but you need to realize that women aren’t goddesses.  If your character has perfect makeup, she’s put a lot of time and energy into learning how to do perfect makeup, applying it every morning, et cetera.  If she has a perfect body, she probably works out a lot, eats a steadily healthy diet, and/or has some pretty perfect genes.  Traditional femininity is hard work;  it isn’t simply a natural state of being for women and girls.

Basically, it all goes back to point one:  treat your female characters as people.   

5.  Be open to criticism.

This applies for writing all marginalized groups to which you don’t belong.  I can and do write characters of color, for example, but I need to be open to criticism from actual people of color for when I’m doing it wrong.  

If you’re straight (which I am not), you can and should write queer characters, but you need to be open to the critiques of actual queer people when they tell you how to improve.  

And you (and again, I’m only assuming you’re male here, as it isn’t specified) can and should write female characters, but you need to keep an open ear to real women if they say you aren’t doing it right.  

This isn’t personal, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person;  what a lot of people need to understand on this website (and the internet in general) is that we will never reach a state of total ideological purity, just as we will never understand the experience of groups to which we do not belong.

Accept it, commit to the journey of bettering yourself as a person and as a creator, and realize that criticism is not a personal insult to you;  it’s a means by which you can grow.

I really hope this helps!!

[cassyblue]

A very long post on my onions about JJBA

I am completely caught up with the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure manga. Took me two weeks to do it. But my brain hasn’t been up to reading novels/novellas since concentration whomst? Once the semester starts, I tend to read more comics than novels just because of time constraints. I am still on Part 3 of the JJBA anime. It’s an anime that I just can’t binge because it is a lot. I really like JJBA because it takes the shonen fighting manga and just turns it into a fever dream. So below is my thoughts on Parts 1-8, includes many a spoiler. Also as it goes on I get more sweary sorry. 

Part 1: Phantom Blood

Not my favorite arc, but it is the first part so I feel it doesn’t have the same level of writing/art as the next parts because Araki is starting out. It’s pretty tightly written and straight forward. Jonanthan is my least favorite Jojo. I think my main problem with this part is the assertion that Dio is evil due to the abusive environment he grew up in. That’s pretty much what I can say about Part 1. 

Part 2: Battle Tendency 

Part 2 is more complex and the characters have more growth than those in Part 1. I enjoy Joseph as a protagonist since he is a good combo of little shit and dumb teenager. The enemies to friends arc with Caesar is great. Throw two dramatic bitches together and the chaos that ensues is fun. I really liked that the best user of haman is a woman because the previous part was pretty dude heavy. Liz Lisa is on the fine line between fan service and sexy. But the fanservice doesn’t happen during fighting so I can forgive Araki on certain parts. The thing about Part 2 that really stands out to me is the expansion of the worldbuilding. It doesn’t feel overwhelming and fits neatly into the narrative. My other thought is that Araki just likes drawing asses. 

Part 3: Stardust Crusaders

Oh boy, so this is where I start to have a lot more onions. Everything I knew about JJBA before watching/reading was that there was this thing called a stand and everyone was gangsters. So when I started JJBA I was like tumblr lied to me what the hell is going on. Unlike Joseph in Part 2, Jotaro is just an asshole, a well meaning asshole, but still an asshole. Through this entire arc, Jotaro literally does not grow as a character unlike Part 2 with Joseph which is super frustrating. In Part 2, Joseph goes from cocky punk kid to more responsible and level headed kid with self discipline. Jotaro’s fighting ability literally gets no training whatsoever compared to Joseph. In the 45 days that the plot takes place, I would have thought that Avdol would have at least did some sort of training since he is the most experienced stand user. But nope that sure didn’t happen. The bickering between Joseph and Jotaro is enjoyable and the side characters are good humor relief. I think that’s where my frustration is -- Kakyoin and Polnareff have more character development than Jotaro does. Polnareff is in many ways a foil for Jotaro in that he ACTUALLY learns to accept help and so on. 

Things I did like was the introduction of stands. Thought there could have been better explanation but it’s JJBA so you know it’s going to not be there or it will be there eventually. I think this arc has ok writing but Part 2 was more solid. 

Part 4: Diamond is Unbreakable

I really liked this part. It was more of a slice of life comic with mayhem. I felt that compared to Part 3, Part 4 does a better job with depicting teenagers. Josuke and his friends are literally dumbasses 80% of the time and Koichi has their one brain cell most of the time. Part 4 also dives much deeper into the origins of stands as well. 

What I liked was how the mystery parts of the comic were interspersed with the comedy parts. The previous arc was pretty straight forward without much diversion to have more insight into the characters. Part 4 is much more focused on relationships and has a psychological bent to the story. Unlike until the end of Part 3, Josuke and friends work as a team very quickly. The other part that I liked was the incredibly awkward Joestar family reunion.  Part 4 just has the most depth for me out of all the parts so far. 

The other part that I liked was the evolution of stands -- that some stands can grow and others have remote abilities and so forth. 

My biggest beef with this part is Araki totally doesn’t understand how graduate school works. Like ok first off, why the hell did Jotaro choose to do marine biology?? Want some background on that which we never get. When Jotaro is introduced, his specialty is whales and sharks (which i am sure he punched a shark at some point) but then at the end Araki decides that Jotaro’s doctoral work is on starfish? Um like ok what the fuck here. That’s a HUGE jump to do in academia in terms of changing your study organism. Like for me jumping from lepidoptera to hymenoptera was incredibly painful and that’s just WITHIN one ORDER (insects). Here Jotaro is jumping PHYLUMS. The other thing is that it takes uuuuh 6 years max to do your doctorate. So idk how Jotaro is able to do his entire dissertation in 3 months. It’s taken me two and a half years just to get my experiments done for my master’s degree. My advisor has given me two months to write my thesis, BUT I ALREADY HAVE MY DATA???? Jotaro would have had to collect all the data and speed write and I have no fucking clue how the hell he would even pass the defense even if he wasn’t also investigating a serial killer. Pretty sure the whole marine biology thing is just a cover so he has jstor access for everything related to stands. 

Part 5: Golden Wind

I didn’t expect to like this arc. But I did. It’s the arc that tumblr spoke of. First off, it has the perfect balance of dumbass to incomprehensible. Part of why I like JJBA is that you can see Araki’s art evolution and this is the first arc where he has completely gone from ripped as fuck dudes to twinks. That being said this is the arc that has the first plot hole and I only have a few theories as to why. It starts with Jotaro sending Koichi to Italy to investigate Giorno who is Dio’s biological son from his return in Part 3. This entire arc when I was live texting it to my best friend probably receives the most what the fucks in her replies. TD;LR: Giorno technically Joestar because Dio stole the body of Jonathan Joestar to make his comeback because you would think Araki for once has some somewhat reasonable biology here. Surprise fucker, Giorno’s hair turns blond once his stand ability awakens because he’s Dio’s son. So the whole Jotaro investigating Giorno thing is COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN. My only explanation is Koichi is like yeah he’s an idiot kid and I don’t think he’s going to be a problem or Polnareff calls up Jotaro and is like yeah I’m keeping an eye on this kid while haunting a magic turtle. 

Which brings me to the most insane part of the whole arc, the GODDAMN TURTLE. As we learned in Part 3 with Iggy, animals can be stand users and there is this turtle that is a stand user. And basically Giorno and gang use this turtle to escort the boss’ daughter while plotting to take down the boss. There are so many fights over this goddamn turtle. Turtle does what turtle wants on top of it because it’s a fucking turtle. I just. The turtle. Then fucking polnareff dies and somehow manages to possess the goddamn turtle for almost a third of the arc???? And decides to keep hanging out in the turtle after everything is said and done as a fucking ghost. Like ok, I shouldn’t be like this is the most whack shit that’s happened in JJBA because there was an honest to god alien in Part 4. 

Honestly this arc also had some great character arcs. I think that somehow each character manages to grow and confront their issues. Considering that Giorno is the son of Dio, he actually is a pretty good kid. Like I was going in expecting Dio Jr. Which thank god that was not the case because I would have been like Really? REALLY WE ARE DOING THIS AGAIN? I think my main complaint was Trish was pretty sexualized. She’s fucking 15, Araki, please let her have some more clothes. 

I am kinda bummed that there is no crossover between Josuke, Jolyne, and Giorno because I think it would be pretty funny. 

Part 6: Stone Ocean

I don’t know where the fuck to start with this one. First off, I am from Florida. I lived in Florida for 20 some years of my life. I grew up in Florida. The first fucking thing that this manga does is say that it’s set in/near PORT ST. LUCIE (PSL). I grew up in PSL. For the longest time, PSL was pretty much known for being a growhouse central because it’s a suburbia of maze like developments. Like I am pretty sure that Araki just took a dart and threw it at a map of Florida. BUT that being said, there are several marine biology/oceanography research institutions very close to PSL so I guess I could see it considering Jotaro is supposedly a professor of marine biology now (honestly I think he just fucks around with stand research instead).  Stone Ocean feels more like it’s set in Miami. It has that vibe. I have been to Miami one too many times and have nearly died in Miami (more than once). Stone Ocean is a literal fever dream for me. However, I enjoyed the hell out of it. It ranks up there with the one Sailor Moon arc where Luna has the crush on the astronaut’s boyfriend and there’s space shuttle shenanigans. 

Oh and did I mention that Stone Ocean is set in 2011. This is kinda an important point since let me put some context to why half of this is me screaming. The space shuttle program ended in 2011. I saw the last shuttle return (I wasn’t able to see the launch because it was fucking crazy to even get a seat at the place I’d go watch it in PSL). ANYWAYS, let’s get on to this beautiful disaster trainwreck of an arc. 

So first off, Jolyne is my favorite jojo. She’s a punk ass kid with a lot of issues. I was worried it would be endless fanservice, but actually stone ocean wasn’t too bad in that regard. Also part of Jolyne’s design features butterflies heavily so I’m like yeah this is my favorite (did I mention that I study butterflies, that I have lived, breathed, and eaten butterflies since I was 12? Ok i did eat a moth once but that’s another story). Also I thought Jolyne’s stand was really cleverly done (besides that I screamed that it had sunglasses). Jolyne gets framed for her shitty ex hitting a pedestrian which turns out to even be a whole set up. Fun fact, Jolyne’s shitty ex is from Palm Beach. The only thing you need to know about Palm Beach is that it houses Mar-A-Lago, yep that Mar-A-Lago. It’s full of rich white people. Which makes the whole boyfriend shit even funnier for me. Like I can already see how the fuck Jolyne and Romeo meet etc etc etc. Let’s just say the one high school the county over is notorious for the rich kids being absolute wankers (duis, drugs, the whole shebang) and I can fill in the blanks just from being from the area. 

So it’s time to put Jotaro on blast again because he is such a fucking dick. He literally abandons Jolyne for 14 years. Jolyne is convinced that he doesn’t want her and hates her. She has every right to be angry with Jotaro. This goes back to Part 3 when I said that Jotaro literally has no character development, Jotaro still hasn’t learned a single fucking thing. He still thinks he has to do everything himself so that the people he cares about won’t get hurt. Which is partly a result of Part 3, but also he had the chance to overcome that misconception in Part 4? But he doesn’t? He like asks Josuke for help once and basically takes on the bulk of the investigation himself so Josuke and pals don’t get hurt/further involved. Jolyne eventually realizes that the reason Jotaro abandoned her is that she and her mom won’t get caught up in the stand bullshit etc and forgives him. Which like I can understand why she does that. But it’s an incredibly shitty excuse to sever all ties with your kid and divorce your wife just because you’re trying to protect your family. Like ok, I have a rough relationship with my family and it can be really, really hard not to forgive them if they suddenly start being good to you despite the fact they have hurt you so deeply and you just know it’s a bad idea to get back close to them because it’s only going to end badly. Anyways, Jotaro is a fucking dickweed. 

The one thing that I really liked is how Jolyne’s determination brings other people closer to her. She’s a literal brick wall and just bulldozes through obstacles regardless of if it’s a good idea. She also will not abandon her friends. So Jolyne best jojo, fight me. 

I can not believe that all of Dio’s kids except Giorno are Florida Men. I was like Araki it does not take 10 hours to get from PSL to Cape Canaveral and then I was like wait Jolyne has to fight a Florida Man like every 10 minutes so it does kinda make sense. The whole part in Orlando was like a fever dream. I lived in Orlando. When the mickey mouse shit started, I was like ofc there’s going to be a fight with The Mouse. You cannot enter Orlando without making a sacrifice to The Mouse. 

I completely knew that the arc would climax at the Kennedy Space Center (KSC) just because it was set in 2011. I was fucking screaming the whole way through the final fight at the KSC because I have been there like idk 5 times or so. Can you believe that you used to not have to go through a gate to get in to tickets? That was before 9/11. Now it’s not like that. Anyways it was pretty great. 

I thought the ending was actually pretty satisfying considering the whole universe reset? 

Anyways Araki delivered the fucking florida man experience so completely that I was happy. He literally managed to write the arc like a Carl Hiaasen or Tom Dorsey novel on crack (those two are the best known Florida novelists who write mystery/crime novels about Florida). When the Part 6 anime comes out I am going to be so ready. 

Part 7: Steel Ball Run

Soooo this first arc of universe reset where everything is like do the Cupid Shuffle like 500 times while high as fuck. I think Part 7’s is weak compared to Part 4,5 and 6 in terms of writing BUT I was impressed by the originality of retelling of Part 1. I really liked the western bent to it. Also, I didn’t think that Araki could do completely new world building with stand origins without it being boring af. But he managed to make it really interesting and fucked up. I will put in a warning here: This arc isn’t great about race (not surprised at all), there is the magic cure for a disability trope (not a fan), and also sexual assault of a minor (really fucked up). 

Instead of the haman or however the fuck it’s spelled, Zeppeli uses a power called the spin which is his family’s secret ability. Zeppeli enters the Steel Ball Run which is a transcontinental horse race with a reward of half a million bucks. Johnny Joestar, a disgraced jockey sees Zeppeli use the spin and enters the race despite being paralyzed waist down just to figure out how the fuck Zeppeli uses it. For the most part, the depiction of disability is pretty good until you know the magic cure trope (offensive to disabled people, I can go more into depth with this in a different post). Zeppeli and Johnny start out as rivals but then become good friends and the writing is so good. However, every fucking cover drawing of the two together by Araki is very homoerotic. I don’t know if Araki actually knows how gay his drawings are? Like from Part 1 onwards, they are like...gay. Dio is there and I was like ok he gonna be vampire again but nope DIO FUCKING GETS DINOSAUR POWERS???? LIKE HE CAN TURN INTO A GODDAMN UTAHRAPTOR?????????????????????????????????????

Steel Ball Run has several layers of plot which are masterfully tied together :  the actual race, Zeppeli’s past, Johnny growing as a character, and the holy corpse. The holy corpse shit was right up my alley as being someone who loves crack christianity stuff. Like ok, at first I was like yeah it’s a saint and then I was like oh it’s the virgin mary and then Araki fucking hinted throughout the second half of the plot it’s JESUS???? Anyways that was some wack shit. President Valentine was a really good villain by the way -- completely captures Murica fuckery.  

I liked the addition of the fibonacci stuff/golden ratio in terms of maxing out stands/spin. 

My main issue with this arc besides race and disability fails is the handling of Lucy. She’s 14 and Araki oversexualized her. Like goddamn it she’s a FUCKING CHILD. This arc is probably the worst in terms of its treatment of women. I was really pissed at the fact that Araki had Lucy graphically assaulted and raped. So beware of that. That is part of the reason as much as I liked the originality of Part 7, I can’t really rank it high on the quality of JJBA parts. 

ANYWAYS ONTO PART 8

Part 8: JoJoLion

I am up to date as of August/September 2019 issue of the magazine JJBA is serialized in (I really want to say it’s Jump, but I’m probably wrong). This arc is really fascinating because it completely skips from the 1890s to the present day . There is the ties to Part 7 as that Johnny marries a Japanese woman whose family is a big part of this arc. It is set in Morioh like Part 4, but a Morioh completely shifted 180. It combines the story of a family curse, a man searching for his identity, and a conspiracy about these magical fucking fruit?

A college kid, Yasuho, pulls this dude out of the dirt at these weird formations in Morioh. The dude has no idea who he is and Yashuo names him Josuke. Note, the kanji for this Josuke are different than those for Josuke of Part 4. The Higashitika family that Yasuho is friends with takes Josuke in because he’s a stand user and he gets drawn into their shit while he tries to figure out who he is. 

The twist with Josuke’s identity and past was like fucking mind blowning. Like did not see that one coming that he’s the fusion of Yoshikage Kira (who in part 4 was the villian but in this one is the Joestar son of Holly? Not a murderer?) and Josefumi Kujo (character design resembles Part 4 Josuke). The thing with this arc is that it’s this weird combo of part 3 and part 4 with new content and characterizations. So it’s on one hand familiar and on the other hand completely unfamiliar. It continues with the corpse stuff, but I’m not completely sure how the corpse ties into the plot with the fruit and the new villains-- The rock people. It has to do with the equivalent exchange concept which is threaded throughout this whole arc. But like how exactly besides how Johnny died in Japan? Is the corpse still there in Japan? Araki TELL ME. 

Bonus: Little Jolyne Goes To Morioh Doujinshi. 

I found this Doujinshi on Batato and there wasn’t an author or artist attached but holy shit it is the CUTEST thing. It’s basically about Jolyne meeting Josuke because Jotaro needs a babysitter. It’s a very short one Doujinshi and the last part is hilarious. Anyways highly recommend reading this one because it’s really cute.

[sambart93]

2017.05.20 OEdo no Candy 2 Event and Movie Review!

I got a chance to go to another OEdo Candy event and I got to go to the showing of the new movie plus they had a butai aisatsu (stage greeting) from some of the cast after.

*PSST: if you just want to read about the stage greeting then Ctrl F and ‘Stage Greeting’. It’s at the bottom of the page/post.

First the MOVIE REVIEW

NON-SPOILER REVIEW

Overall: This is partly what I was expecting and partly not. I was expecting it to be fantastical and romancy、 BUT I wasn’t expecting it to be so fairy-like and lots of glittery special effects and weird colour tones and such. It definitely makes it all the more magical and luckily, isn’t too distracting. Also it wasn’t as BL-y as I was under the impression of. I wish this movie had been longer. I needed and wanted more character development. The visuals were amazing, it was very funny (which I also wasn’t expecting) and the characters were great. It’s definitely an Indie-styled movie. It’s not a clean cut, it’s not professional looking, the editor purposefully leaves in real actor mistakes that happened for comic relief. BUT it’s enjoyable, fascinating and I’m glad it ended with a ‘To Be Continued’. Rating: 7/10

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Now for cast and spoiler section and everything:

CAST

Kurihara Rui aka Louis Aramaki Yoshihiko aka MakiChan Someya Toshiyuki aka Someyan Fujita Tom Akazawa Tomoru aka Tomorun Kamiya Riku Shiono Akihisa Asuma Kousuke Yura Achiha Hiko Robin Komina Kouji Nakamura Kaito Tokito Kishimoto Takuya aka KishiTaku Izumi Shuuhei Moriya Koji Kazuki Haru Doi Kazumi Hashimoto Zenitsu Nakajima Ken Nihira Shougo aka Shougokun Mori Issei Dairi IG Saya Onuki Yuusuke Mayama Akihiro Takahashi Hiromu Sano Shirou Fukikoshi Mitsuru Takenaka Naoto Koizumi Kyouko

That’s a fucking long list xD anyway!

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SPOILER REVIEW

I am going to go into a lot of detail about scenes and plot so you’ve been warned. Also I still haven’t seen the first movie so I many have left stuff out or not understand some parts because of that. Okay, let’s start!

The Movie Itself

Already mentioned in the non-spoiler section but: It was more Indie than I was expecting. I knew it wouldn’t be a perfect Toho cinematic-like movie because it has stage actors in and they usually have the more raw and not quite polished movies, but the director has been on Shabekuri007 and the cast is stella, top stage actors AND some HUGE TV names are in this cast, so I was expecting some professionalism but I was so wrong! It’s so, so Indie in it’s style. The cuts and edits aren’t quite so clean, the special effects are ridiculously fake but make everything look so pretty. The colouring and tone of the movie, especially when they’re in Underworld, is very obvious and like shades of green and blue rather than natural colours. So I was a little surprised at first. It’s obvious straight away that it’s Indie style, but I like this style thankfully so it didn’t bother me for long. I like this style; it’s definitely a style I enjoy but some people won’t.

Continuing on about the use of colour and sparkle effects when they were in the Underland; they were definitely creative and entertaining. For example there’s this sparkler like movement and light that goes around the characters, and at one point, love hearts are falling down around Someya and Riku when they finally meet and they realise they’re fated to be together. Just like these pics:

At first the special effects were very jarring and distracting BUT I got used to them. Although(!) it’s going to be annoying as fuck when it comes out of DVD because we ALL want to get those pretty and good shots of our favourite actors, but because the sparkles and such that just go all over their faces and everything, they aren’t going to be the best of shots. They should bring out an unfiltered version for us! They’ll make more money that way too!! xD

This movie was a lot less gay than I was expecting. Especially because on Tsutaya’s (a Japanese rental website and store) website the first OEdo movie is labelled as ‘erotica’ but like... there’s two kiss scenes, some rope scenes, and implied whipping but that’s all! But I guess Japanese censorship is more sensitive that way? I’d just say this is a PG-12, it’s really nothing too raunchy.

This movie was FUNNY! Funny as fuck! I wasn’t expecting it to be funny at all! I laughed the entire time! Either because of the stuff happening in the movie itself was funny, or because knowing the actors and their personalities it’s funny. It’s also very purposefully funny, like the editor saw a mistake and was like ‘that’s hilarious! Keep it in!'. Especially Asuma’s scene and the Masturi/Festival scene which I’ll explain later. There’s definitely scenes that happened by mistake or weren’t part of the script, but the editor and director purposefully left them in the final cut to give the audience a laugh and embarrass the actors xD

The story is simple-ish enough to understand and it’s very fun to watch, but like I said in my non-spoiler review; I wish this movie was longer so we could’ve gotten MORE plot and MORE character development and MORE comedy,. I just want MORE. Luckily at the end it said ‘To Be Continued’ however I assume the cast will change again(?) just like it did between the first and second movie, which is a shame because I’d like as much of this cast back as possible.

The Actors and Characters and Their Scenes

Kurihara Rui:

He surprised me. I’ve seen him in person and I’ve seen him on tv as himself many times and he very much has the persona of someone who is very emo-like with life and very monotone and doesn’t like to smile and is very witty but straight faced when he jokes. Even when I saw him at the first OEdo event he was like this! But in the movie, he at least had facial expressions! At first he didn’t but then we see him freaking out in the bathroom and being concerned. For the most part he stays as himself but I was surprised he could actually give SOME sort of acting performance. He is model so of course he looks damn pretty in his white outfit, and his skin looks freaking flawless as fuck in this movie. But I am very happy and surprised from the performance he did give.

Aramaki Yoshihiko:

My boy... first I have a bone to pick with you Aramaki Yoshi-always-straight-hiko!!!! (Can you tell what it is yet?)

OF COURSE MakiChan is the ONLY (no wait Asuma is too but he’s not a main character) straight person in this movie! EVERYONE else is obviously gay but oh no MakiChan just HAS to be the straight character -__- I was hoping for him and Akazawa to have a thing going on in this, instead of him denying he’s in love with his childhood female friend the entire movie -__- oh well! Least he’s somewhat gay in Honoo no Mirage... one day I’ll get my gay movie from him! I better! All stage actors have one! Also you work with Shosan a lot and he’s done quite a few! Also Baba and TakaChan! Come on Maki! GIVE ME MY GAY MAKICHAN MOVIE! I’m okay... moving on...

MakiChan’s character was chara (how would you even translate ‘chara’ in English?! ‘Playboy’? or ‘Likes to mess around’?) as fuck though. His first scene is him opening a very posh person’s door to reveal a very posh and stuck up girl and takes her through his izakaya while winking at his mates that he’s ‘gotten in there’. Then at the end of the date she pulls him slightly into the car and kisses him on the cheek. Once she’s left, he’s like ‘yes I’ve scored!’ BUT at the same time is totally adorable because he’s over the moon by just a simple kiss and can’t take his hand off his cheek where she kissed him! He was both chara and cute at the same time! Also the next day he’s with Shiono and is holding a teddy and just being so cute and child-like that he got a kiss from the most popular girl in his university xD Just adorableness galore from MakiChan! With the teddybear = adorable. Trying his hardest to join in on the (real) matsuri/festival = adorable! When he wakes up at the end = ADORABLE! 

ALSO very badass when he attacks and kills Robin in a second! Also OMG! In the beginning he sees his dad come out of the Boys Bar that’s next door to the izakaya, and he chases his dad down and is like ‘you’re not gay?!’ and his dad’s like ‘why you think your mother and I.... anyway I’m gay. You do realise I’m gay right? You might not understand but that’s how it is!’ And the next day MakiChan turns to Shiono and is like ‘my dad told me he’s gay...what the fuck?!’ xD And his dad was being played by FREAKING Takenaka Naoto! TAKENAKA NAOTO! He’s a freaking movie and TV star! He’s amazing in whatever he does and he was in this?! And with MakiChan?! AND as MakiChan’s DAD?! And being a GAY daddy?! He was fabulous and amazing (as always) in this!

Speaking of Akazawa and MakiChan. I really loved their relationship and my head thinks they were dating in it even though his character is supposed to be straight, and I think Akazawa’s character was supposed to be in love with Rui’s character in the UnderWorld. Nevertheless their relationship was great BECAUSE MakiChan’s character in the Underworld cannot speak, he’s mute, and luckily Akazawa can hear him via telepathy which was cute so Akazawa helped MakiChan out a lot.

I can confirm that for many many months even before the movie first came out, MakiChan and co were saying you can hear them say ‘facial’ instead of ‘washoi’ during the festival scene, and I can confirm that they do in fact say ‘facial’ instead of ‘washoi’ in the scene xD I was giggling quite a bit.

Little side note: In UnderWorld he is the only character who has a recollection and memories of his time in the Real World.

Finally! As disgusting as it sounds (but shouldn’t be a surprise if you know me) MakiChan’s underarm hair made a special guest appearance and it made me VERY happy <3 why am I so fucking weird...MOVING ON!

Someya Toshiyuki:

Someya is so pretty when he dresses up and has make up in a more feminine manner! He was gorgeous! I could not look away! And the kiss with Someya and Riku was perfect though! It was rather heart-racey but nothing too heart-racey (am I even getting enough oxygen to my brain right now to be able to talk about this properly?!) xD 

BUT! One moment that got me giggling though is when Someya takes like 5 minutes to cut Riku’s rope from his hands -- it really doesn’t take that long! It wasn’t that thick of a rope at all and I just cracked up the longer the scene went. I get it was a long scene so they could keep talking and so the sexual tension between them built up but it was a ridiculous amount of time.

Why did he have to die though?! Riku gets killed by Tom so then Someya kills himself with a knife in front of Tom and because Tom has essentially lost the person he loves he shoots himself in the head! ... I’ve just realised how freaking Romeo and Juliet this all is... it literally is just a movie about romance and being dramatic and everyone dying and/or killing themselves for the people they love xD what the fuck... it’s still good though!

Fujita Tom:

Surprisngly Tom’s character was pretty interesting! I don’t know why I expected him not to be because I was impressed with him in Kamen Rider Amazons and I enjoyed seeing him in person last time... 

I liked his character. He was like a warlord and looked very good upon his throne. I liked both his Real World and UnderWorld Character. His Real World character works in the freaking Boys Bar along with Someya. In fact the entire Boys Bar scene and location itself is ridiculous and hilarious! It’s this very loud, strip-bar which is right next to MakiChan’s brother’s (played by Riku) izakaya and that’s why they have conflict, because they can hear the Boys Bar’s music every night. Seriously the entire Boys Bar scene is amazing, I think I enjoyed it a bit too much xD Anyway, back to Tom; I liked both his character but was short lived, again leading back to the whole ‘I needed more from this movie’ complaint.

Akazawa Tomoru:

I remember that in the last event, the director commented (probably during the Making video) on how big Akazawa’s eyes are, and seriously, while watching this movie, they really are huge! It doesn’t help he has these blue eye contacts in that really light his face up (not in a stupid way! A natural way!) so they looked obviously bigger compared to everyone else too.

But damn Akazawa’s death scene was sad and upsetting =[ It was so quick and unexpected too! He was seriously struggling =‘[ he got his neck slit open and was on the floor in his pool of blood coughing and trying to save the others before they get killed, and he’s like ‘I’m so glad you weren’t here (when they came <-- they being Tom’s group who are after Rui because he’s some magical white fairy thing I think).

Kamiya Riku:

He is MakiChan’s brother in this! But also Someya’s fated lover. A majpr plot of the story is that until he meets Someya (again) in the real world, he doesn’t remember anything except his family. He’s a very quiet character but once he finds Someya the amount of love you can see in his eyes towards Someya and how his face completely softens when he sees Someya, it’s so adorable!

Shiono Akihisa:

Shiono is a freaking puppy! He’s in love with his and MakiChan’s childhood friend, but she’s in love with MakiChan and instead of confessing his love to her, -- although there is a hypothetical scene that plays out where he tells her to forget MakiChan and hugs her and confesses his love to her but! -- he lets her go and holds back so in the end, her and MakiChan can get together! He’s too precious for this world! He’s so sweet! He also does the Matsuri with MakiChan which is great too! It was a short time but you could easily see their long friendship shine through their scenes together.

Asuma Kousuke:

Asuma’s character had a lisp and it was fucking hilarious. Several times in the movie, the characters (to his character) were like ‘why do you say Sa Si Su Se So instead of Sa Shi Su Se So’ It was a funny bit every time, especially when he was like ‘I don’t speak weird!’ and they all laughed. His character also got slapped a lot by the other characters as another form of comic relief.

Also in his very first scene, he clearly (the actor, not the character) overhits the wooden overhead part and makes a huge noise, you can see slight pain in his face, and everyone in the room (I was in) pissed themselves laughing. It was obviously a ‘the actor accidentally did it but we thought it was hilarious so left it in the movie’ moment.

By the way, Asuma it TOO tall and TOO skinny! xD

Robin:

His visual and the metal arm armour he has is badass! He looks so good in his costume and seriously that arm is soooo amazing! Even the cast and staff commented on how nice it is and Robin was happy he got to wear such a cool looking thing. His character is like an assassin but is so easily killed by MakiChan in one swift and quick movement -- it was an awesome scene! But unfortunately it turns out MakiChan didn’t completely and successfully kill him because as MakiChan tries to help Someya get Riku, Robin comes from behind and stabs him and he dies. But it was a cool movement when MakiChan ninja-slashed him.

Nakamura Kaito:

This little cutie! Him and Tokito were like supposed to be waiting on Someya but spent most of their time being pretty dumb (in an adorable way) and playing games with each other. Especially when MakiChan turns on Tom (he uses a sleeping drug on him) and Robin, after slashing Robin, the two of them are hugging one another and going ‘please don’t kill us!’ and MakiChan lets them go. It was such an adorable moment from them. It was cut when they played Rock-Paper-Scissors together too.

Kishimoto Takuya:

His guests appearance was absolutely hilarious! So he plays the driver of car of the women who MakiChan takes to his izakaya. And once out of view of the izakaya, she tells KishiTaku to stop the car. Here she removes her shoes and puts her feet on the headrest infront of her (she’s in the back seat behind Kishi who’s driving) and her feet are either side of his face and he’s like ‘o_O’ and ‘=O’ but also super enjoying it. I’m pretty sure she ends up putting her feet ON his face and he’s goes into this like orgasmic state and enjoys it thoroughly. His character was so amusing.

Doi Kazumi and Nihira Shougo:

There were some great cameos from people like Doi Kazumi (who was a worker at the Boys Bar) and Kishimoto Takuya (seriously KishiTaku’s part was hilarious! I am not doing it justice above!), also freaking Takenaka Naoto (who I already fangirled over)!

Furthermore, I freaked during the All Boys Bar scene when for a SPLIT (literally a split, split second) when I saw my very own Shougo-kun!! It was a moment of ‘*double take* wait what?!’ when I saw him. I practically jumped out of my seat when I found him! I was so shocked and excited to see him in it because I was not expecting him! I immediately tweeted him after seeing the movie and was like ‘why didn’t I know?! But also I’m impressed at how quickly I spotted you xD’ which makes me seem super stalkery xD oh well! But I am so proud of my boy and when I saw his name in the credits and realised I was right about spotting him, I was a very happy girl ^_^

Hashimoto Zenitsu:

He ends up being MakiChan’s dad’s entertainment in the Boys Bar and they look so freaking hilarious with each other. Knowing Takenaka he was the one super into the role and being like ‘lets do this! lets really do this’ and making it look so lovey dovey and sickly and funny as possible and I imagine Zenitsu was just going along with it. It’s such a good but short scene with them two.

Sano Shirou and Fukikoshi Mitsuru:

These two HUGE tv stars guest starring in this movie. I’ve always liked both of them (and Takenaka) and I really liked Fukikoshi’s character! He was very funny! Especially towards the end when MakiChan(I think?) is trying to explain what happened in Underworld and Fukikoshi is asleep the entire time xD

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After the Movie, it was the CAST EVENT/STAGE GREETING:

It was: Aramakaki Yoshihiko (duh that’s why I went xD), Asuma Kousuke, Robin, Nakamura Kaito and Takahashi Zenitsu. 

I was second row to the right-hand side (and the row behind me and all the seats to my right were empty, so safe to say it was obvious when he was looking at me), so as soon as MakiChan came on stage, he saw me and smiled at me ^_^ Then at another point in the talk show, Asuma was talking and I was giggling silently and very hard at him, and MakiChan saw me and had to stop himself from laughing - he made that ‘holding back the smiling/laughing’ type face. I feel guilty for making him almost crack up on stage but also special because only me and him know why.

They first had a Mini-Talk but I don’t really remember what happened or what was said but I remember laughing a lot - sorry! But I do remember them talking about Robin and his cool character, so he was like ‘okay! Everyone close your eyes! The audience will clap on which one of you they want me to kill!’ Even though they were suspicious at first, they complied and they all closed their eyes and he walked around the back of each of them and waited for us to clap. Naturally Asuma and MakiChan had the biggest claps, SO Robin decided to kill both of them with his ‘air sword’ (he didn’t have one on him). To which MakiChan was like ‘that’s not how I’d kill someone!’ and Robin was alarmed at first at how serious MakiChan sounded at killing someone (xD) but then asked, ‘well how would you do it then?!’ so MakiChan said he’d show them. But before that MakiChan did the same thing as Robin and asked the audience the clap at who they wanted killed and it landed on Asuma xD so the first time he just killed Asuma with an air sword and then the second time it was MakiChan giving Asuma a drink and saying like ‘Otsukare’ and then Asuma drinks it and collapses to the floor and MakiChan is like ‘I’d poison them!’ with a smile on his face xD which is related to his character in the movie because his character does drug Fujita Tom’s drink but doesn’t kill them.

Then we had the Senshuu-Kai which is like a lottery and they picked the audience’s seats from a box and it was to win one of five signed copies of the script. Most of the people who won were on the second floor -- there were only like 20 seats on the second floor and FOUR people from there got signed copies! We were all surprised at how lucky the top floor was. 

ALSO The boys mentioned they watched the movie FROM the second floor. When the movie had ended I did see about 6 people stand up and slink backstage, so it must’ve been them! That means MakiChan was opposite me and one floor up! I wonder if he saw me the entire time! =O *dead*

Finally there was the HIGH TOUCH/FIVE on the way out!

Being technically the back row (it was set out weird. I was row N but second row on the right. Don’t ask) I was one of the first to go to the high five. The boys were lined up outside next to where the goods had been and the order was: Zenitsu, Robin, Nakamura, Asuma and finally MakiChan. I remember high-fiving Zenitsu and Nakamura completely, but I don’t remember high fiving Robin, and I barely remember Asuma, only just thinking ‘he smiles well’ and ‘DAMN HE TALL!’ xD 

With MakiChan being at the end, he got a few seconds longer with everyone as they left. He gave me this huge smile, high fived me, waved at me, said thank you and good bye, and waved me off and watched me walk away to the stairs ^_^ <3 okay I’m dead *dead* he’s always so amazing with his fans. God dammit guys... he’s so amazing... such a good person *dead*

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GOODS

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Speaking of OEdo I hit for the next butai aisatsu of this movie! AND I’M FIRST ROW! LEGIT FIRST ROW! June 24th! So hopefully I’ll have a mini report about the aisatsu and maybe some extra comments about the movie ^_^

I’m getting there! About 3 more to go! *dead*

[yeahwehadatime]

Interviews: Taskmaster Series 4:

Noel Fielding:

Why did you decide to do Taskmaster?

Because I think it’s a really good show. It’s different. You get a bit tired of just doing panel shows - I love panel shows but you have to be funny sitting down for a lot of them so it’s fun when you actually get to stand up and do some stuff. Also, I really like Alex. I hosted Montreal Just for Laughs (in 2010) and he was on the bill so for a week we did a show and I got to know him then, I thought he was great. So that’s the main reason I did it. I definitely won’t watch my tasks though; I’ll watch the others.

Do you not like watching yourself?

I don’t mind it but it’s a bit weird. I don’t really any more. Unless it’s something I make – like a crafted weird narrative I’ll watch but I don’t really watch myself on panel shows. Hey, look there’s me doing what I always do, chatting away! Like an embarrassing idiot. I’ll watch this because I’m very inquisitive to know what other people did to see what happened, but I know I’ve embarrassed myself as well as surprised myself.

How have you surprised yourself?

Just by doing things I didn’t think I could do. There was a golf hole on a football pitch and I had to use a pool cue to hit a Babybel cheese and I hit it with a perfect golf swing and I don’t even play golf. They were like do you play golf? And I was like no! So that was quite surprising, I didn’t think I could do that. Maybe I’ll play when I’m older, I like the outfits! It’s sort of calming isn’t it golf. But anything that was arty or sporty I was good at and then anything that required logic or a Vulcan like mind, or maths or science I was hopeless at, which I knew!

How do you normally approach tasks – are you generally quite practical?

I’m not a good practical person but I’m quite good at problem solving I think. I’m quite good with my hands in an artistic way. I wouldn’t know how to change a plug – I could work it out I’m sure but I couldn’t put a shelf up. I’d just be like I have no idea. I’m better at model making and painting; I’ve done a lot of that stuff so I’m not scared of it. It’s confidence with everything really – if you go in thinking you’re not going to pull it off, you don’t. You have to be positive.

Which were your favourite tasks?

All the arty ones because they were a little bit like a relief. And also, because I like making stuff. I had to make a portrait out of toilet paper. The problem is for this show that as soon as you let it go, that’s when you have your best ideas. So, you’re sort of tense because often there’s a clock so you’re going what can I do, what can I do? Then as soon as they say it’s over you think I should have done that! It’s insane how your brain just relaxes. I sort of did a self-portrait of myself out of toilet paper and as soon as it finished I thought I should have called it ‘Bog- roll Noel’ but it’s just gone - they go ‘it’s done’ and you go argh! You just have to not worry about making yourself look like an idiot. They gave you lots to think about while you’re doing other things too, which I like because I meditate and I think that’s what’s quite good about meditation is that you can think about a couple of different things at the same time. So you have something brewing while you’re percolating something else. The whole point is that you’re trying to clear your mind of all the rubbish so that all the good things come out. Since I started meditating I’ve felt I can write stuff while I’m doing something else – all these ideas will come out fully-formed which my meditation teacher said would happen and I doubted her! I went I’m not going to have any good ideas anymore! But she said you’ll have more, and be able to have ideas while you’re doing other things. I didn’t believe her but now I’ve done meditation I think that’s true. I’ve been coming up with fully formed things while I’ve been doing something else, which I never was able to do. It’s quite amazing to be producing double the amount, which is still not a lot with me. I need all the help I can get!

Which task were you most frustrated by?

Oh, there were so many. The first one I did I completely panicked and got it all completely wrong. I didn’t read it properly and made a tit of myself. But once you make a tit of yourself you’ve broken the seal and it doesn’t matter, you realise it’s ok. I got really upset about the football task because I didn’t have any football boots or trainers, and I was wearing these pointy high-heeled shoes. It was really muddy so I couldn’t get the ball in the bag with the shoes I had on and I was really annoyed because I’m quite good at football. They were my last gold Terry de Havilland boots; I was like I don’t want to ruin them for this task. But I couldn’t help but get angry because I was like I can do that! It’s killing me! If you have no expectations it’s fine but it’s tough when you know you can do something.

Who do you think is your biggest competition?

Joe’s quite arty too, but then Hugh may be quite sciency, mathematical and logical. I’m pretty sure he went to Cambridge and I think maybe Mel did as well – those people with the big brains. So maybe the academic logical stuff might be better for them. Mel bakes so maybe she’s very practical. I’ve tasted her cakes, they’re good. You just don’t know how people are going to react. I heard Hugh’s quite good at football so he’ll be good at the sporty stuff. You just can’t tell can you? When someone says ‘destroy this cake in the most beautiful way possible’, how is going to Cambridge or art school going to help you? I don’t imagine that I’ve won and I’m fine with that.

What would it mean to you to win?

I don’t know! It’s a sort of weird thing to win. I’d be nicely or pleasantly surprised if I win. I am quite competitive and it’s funny because it brings out all the competitiveness in you. Because I went to art school and had exhibitions and stuff, I’m very competitive when it comes to things like that. But then the things I don’t think I can do, I’m not competitive about. When they say how many peas can you eat in a minute, I’m not going to get competitive about that. You do learn stuff too, like I dropped a bowling ball in to a bucket from the top of a ladder to create the highest splash and I realised that I could create the same splash with a golf ball. So, then it’s physics and you go I didn’t know that. But at the time you’re carrying a bowling ball up a ladder, which is obviously quite dangerous - especially for the person holding the ladder! But then you realise you could have just taken a golf ball up. You wouldn’t know unless you tried it so you’re constantly learning stuff. The tasks were funny and there was a really nice team of people who work on it so it’s like a nice family.

Are people going to see a different side to you?

Yeah because I guess the public don’t really know what you’re like. Everyone has their own persona; I was talking about this with David Mitchell and we work quite well on panel shows together because he’s quite nerdy and academic while I’m quite surreal and sort of rock and roll. We’re just completely opposed to each other so we have quite good banter. But on a panel show, it’s your character that they’re buying in to really, so that is how you get all your comedy. I guess the public have a perception of you and then they might see this and go oh right, he’s quite good at that! It’s probably why I was quite annoyed about the football because I thought that would show a different side to me rather than in gold and silver boots wearing poncy clothes. In your heart, you just want to come across as a nice person really and be upbeat about all the tasks and not moody. It’s funny though because everyone has a breaking point and I reached mine on that football field. There’s a point where you’re just knackered and it’s not that you can’t be bothered it’s just like they’ve stretched and manipulated you and fucked with you mentally and physically to the point where you literally go I’m done! It’s torture!

Do you prefer being in character?

No I don’t mind doing it as myself. You can’t be self conscious when you’re on a panel show because you’re just chatting and if you’re out of your depth on QI it doesn’t really matter if they’re talking about logarithms because you just say I don’t know anything about that. But you do feel a little bit self conscious with Taskmaster because you know they’re filming you trying to accomplish something that you don’t have the skills to accomplish, so you do feel a little bit embarrassed. But once you let that go, then you become quite childlike I think and that’s the key to it is to just have the enthusiasm and optimism of a child and be quite free with it - then it works for you. On the first day, I was really uptight about what was going to happen and then on the second day I went this should just be fun, just go with it. And then it was better and I felt quite free. It’s a really nice show because you don’t do these things anymore. You do them all the time when you’re at school and university but then you get a bit safe and you realise how safe you are. You don’t take yourself out of your comfort zone and this completely takes you out of your comfort zone, which is nice. It just makes you feel like there are a lot of things you could do. I sort of now feel like some of the things I thought I couldn’t do I should maybe have a go at. I can’t drive and maybe it will be fine and like a task. Maybe I’ll learn French because my grandma is French and I really wanted to learn it. These things that I didn’t think I was very good at because I’m not very practical like driving or good at languages – maybe I should just have a go. Because it’s kind of fun even if you don’t pull it off. What I’m really saying is that Alex changed my life. I’m going to be driving all round France next year!

(source)