#or prevented them from realizing their truth

[definitely-not-a-wasp]

IMMORTAL MAD SCIENTIST BATTLE!!! (Though would Max be immortal at this point, if she was doing all of the mad science on not-Fang? Maybe she's surviving that fight because she understands Iggy doesn't want to kill her.)

Assuming that Fang's death took place where it did in canon, with Dr. HGH committing manslaughter, this is where I see the flock:

The flock's split had Max, hellbent on reviving Fang at any cost; Dylan, her genetically engineered soulmate who has a very hard time saying no to her; and maybe Angel, who helped HGH commit that manslaughter. Maybe she'd want to stay to fix her mistake, because all of her mistakes have been able to be fixed and she doesn't understand why this would be any different.

Then there was Iggy, who refuses to be part of this; Gazzy, who trusts Iggy to make the right call; and Nudge, who loves Max, loves Iggy, loved Fang, but she's no longer a shiny-eyed kid that believes everything will work out fine. She's twelve, which is almost a teenager, which is almost an adult. There are things that she can understand, now, that she couldn't a few years ago. And maybe Angel, who can feel Max's single-minded obsession and realizes that it feels very similar to her own, and it scares her, what she could have become. Better to go with Iggy, whose worst instincts will only effect himself.

It takes a number of months before Dylan dies— a tragic accident that in no way could be forseen or prevented. A little longer before Angel runs, lost to the rest of the world. But that doesn't matter, because a few weeks after, Fang is back, they're back, they're back, and nothing ever has to hurt again. She just needs to get the rest of her family back and everything will go back to normal. They can be a family.

Iggy hears that Fang is alive through a grapevine. Maybe Angel, if she runs into them. Maybe if she was there the whole time with him, she'd be able to know instinctively. He wants to believe the best in Max, he does, but he also knows better. So he tinkers, he experiments, the burns on his arms stop being from fire and start being from chemicals. He stops sleeping. He stops needing to sleep. Angel grows distant, and one day, she disappears, because she's already killed one of her flock, and she doesn't want to see another kill himself.

(I think, in every version, she does not return.)

When Nudge asks, he tells her the truth. When she asks him to stop, when she tells him he's scaring her, he tells her that the world is a scary thing. When she says she'll leave, he protests, says it's to keep them safe, he did this— made bombs that killed innocents, made himself a subject of his own experiments, made himself a monster— so they wouldn't have to. So they could stay naive and innocent and safe.

She leaves anyway. Takes Gazzy with her. He does not look for them, and hopes that maybe, if he provides enough of a smokescreen, something for Max to fear— fear that he'll put Fang back in the ground, or that he'll steal her creation for himself— then she won't, either. Max, Fang, and Iggy all grew up in dog crates, and they have become contaminated land where nothing peaceful can grow. But maybe Nudge and Gazzy will get things right, this time around.

ok but what if: mad scientist max fighting against her science-based trauma so that she can learn how to resurrect/clone/etc. fang because she can't go through life without him but she sure as hell doesn't trust the whitecoats to bring him back, least of all jeb

and as @aviandaleks suggested: max looking at herself in the mirror, wearing a white coat and nitrile gloves stained in blood, and realizing she's become just like them

[asteracaea]

sounds familiar...

[snekdood]

i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...

[dxxtruction]

can I say something controversial?

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Can you please do a part two of the Sebastian fluff where he lets his thoughts get the best of him and gets anxious that reader now sees him as a monster because of what they read on his document so he prepares extra good items and plans to give them heavy discounts and even some free but reader barges in like

"MANTIS SHRIMP??? PUNCH SOMETHING RIGHT NOW"

And after a bit of reassuring(possibly some punching too bc reader is too starry-eyed for him to say no to em) Seb realizes he trully never had anything to worry about and just, generally grows fonder of reader?

Ps. Adore your writing, keep up the awesome work!!

"God, why did I let them take it? Stupid, stupid, stupid.."

Sebastian couldn't stop beating himself up, even though he knew he shouldn't care about the opinion of any human sent by Urbanshade--especially one of the "expendable" class.

Yet because it was you, specifically--who was currently in possession of his document--he began to wonder what you'd think of him once you found out the truth:

That he was nothing but a horrible monster. Plain and simple.

If not the knowledge that he was a hideous chimera of several sea creatures' DNA...then surely the revelation that he caused the lockdown of the Blacksite would ultimately make you resent him.

He released all those creatures, who stopped at nothing to prevent you from reaching the crystal and had you running, fighting, or hiding for your life.

He was responsible for all the injuries you've sustained while crawling into his shop, desperately needing a medkit and a place to rest.

He would understand if you'd never want to visit him again after what they documented about him..but the image of your furious expression and overthinking the words you'd possibly say to him left him feeling incredibly anxious.

Suddenly, Sebastian found himself gathering more supplies. Medkits, code breakers, and every light source he had currently in the shop, trying to market down whatever he could. He was even willing to let you take batteries for free...which was something he'd never normally do.

Would it be enough to make up for everything horrific you discovered about him and the terrors he indirectly put you through? Absolutely not.

Was he willing to try it anyways just for the small chance that you'd keep visiting him? Maybe.

No other human has shown him a single ounce of kindness or gratitude for his services. Nobody except you, of course, and he refused to lose that.

-thump, thump-

"Shit.." He froze, hearing movement in the vent duct, hands trembling for his light to shine brighter. Part of him wishes he could stay in the dark, as he didn't wanna see your face and whatever hurt expression it could possibly hold.

But he knew it'd be rude if you actually needed to buy something, so he forced himself to look as your familiar figure crawled out of the small opening. You seemed out of breath, like you were just running from something, and stood up to dust the dirt off your pants.

"Sebastian..I need to know something, and you need to be 100% honest with me."

The moment you pulled out his document, the shopkeeper could feel his heart sink.

"Wh..What did you want to know?" He asked, already bracing himself for the worst.

You sounded dead serious, and he was convinced you were finally going to let him have it.

You were going to force him to explain himself and his actions, and tell him what a monster he truly was. Literally and metaphoric-

"Its it true that you have mantis shrimp DNA????"

Silence.

Of all the possible outbursts he expected from you, that certainly didn't cross his mind.

Sebastian just stared down at you, utterly dumbfounded. He blinked several times, unsure if he was truly seeing the wide smile and starry-eyed look on your face.

He had been waiting for a deep scowl, eyes full of anger and betrayal and sadness that he wasn't the "friend" he claimed himself to be when you first visited his shop.

Yet now? He saw nothing but pure delight in your expression.

"Um..yes. But of alllll the things you read about me, that shocked you the most?" He was still treading carefully.

"Well, it sucks that you were an innocent guy who got thrown into a shitty situation." You gestured to him, frowning a little. "And I'm sorry you never saw justice, but...it's just SO cool that you're part mantis shrimp!" A grin returned to your face. "They've fascinated me for years! I used to watch videos of them all the time. Did you know the velocity of just one of their punches is equal to a .22 caliber bullet-?"

"Stop." He put a hand up, huffing. "At least some part of you must resent me. I mean...helloooooo, did you skip over the bit where I'M the reason those monsters are after you?! There's no way you could've ignored that..unless your brain turned off the moment you read "mantis shrimp"."

"I read everything, Sebastian." You huffed back. "Look, if I ever had to go through what you did..I think I'd wanna rebel, too. And as much as those monsters scare me, they've probably endured the same experiments as you. They probably felt just as trapped and afraid. You must see at least a few of them as your friends, right?"

"Eyefestation and the PAInter are the only ones I consider "acquaintances"." He answered after a long pause, shoulders slumped. "The anglers are primitive, but they recognize me as the one who freed them, so they don't bother me or my shop. The only creature that tends to be an issue is-"

-thump-

-thump-

Tensing, you looked over your shoulder to see a Wall Dweller emerge from the vent behind you, its mouth split open and drooling with hunger, standing on two legs.

"-that." Sebastian glared at the creature; and before it could run away, he blocked the entrance with his tail fin. "Oh no you don't." He swooped over to grab ahold of its head with his third hand, causing it to shriek and kick its legs as he held it up high. "You seriously need to stop eating my customers when they're trying to BUY SOMETHING!!"

The Dweller just growled at him, to which he ignored it and glanced down at you. "What should I do with this thing?"

"Punch it!" You grinned, your fists balled up in front of you as you hopped up and down. "I wanna see how fast you could throw one!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Pleeeeaaase?"

"..ugh, if it gets that stupid puppy-eyed look off your face, fine." He looked back at the Dweller, grinning widely as he cracked his knuckles. "You wanna eat something so bad? Try this."

"....grahh-?"

In a blinding flash, his fist went through the creature's skull, effectively turning its head into dust. Then he dropped the whole body onto the ground with a grimance. "Eugh..never done that before.."

Then he looked down at you again, seeing your smile brighten. "Hope that made you happy."

"It did, that was amazing!" You laughed, kneeling down to rip off a chunk of the Dweller's flesh. He eyed you strangely, his expression changing to a look of horror as you shoved a piece in your mouth.

"What the f...why would you eat that?!"

"It's okay! I've had this stuff before." You swallowed, feeling rejuvenated already.

"B....Before?! What you're eating is clay and acid-"

"Actually, it's fresh meat. Reminds me of poultry, almost. I found a document somewhere saying that it has regenerative properties." You explained to Sebastian, whose eyes only widened the more you talked. "I didn't believe it at first until I saw the Angler kill one. I was hungry and...eating it healed my electrical burn somehow."

".......why was that not in its actual document?" He muttered.

You shrugged, ripping out another piece and offering it to him. "Care for a bite?"

"I'll..pass. But thanks." Lowering his body closer to you, he frowned. "Are you absolutely sure that-?"

"I'm sure."

"..you didn't even know what I was going to-"

"You were worried about my reaction to your file. I could tell from the discount signs and how you were scared to even look at me."

"............."

"But I promise it doesn't change anything, okay? We're still friends, Sebastian, and I'll still swing by to do business with you." You reassured him, smiling as you patted the back of his hand, before noticing the bandage on his third arm seemed bloody. "Um..when's the last time you changed that?"

"...oh this? Erm..it's fine." He attempted to hide it behind his back. "Nothing you should be concerned abou-"

"Too late. It's my concern now. Let me repay you for saving my tail."

He had no time to protest, as you were already on your feet and running for the medkit that was on the table. You weren't worried about getting to the next zone right now.

Not that Sebastian planned on kicking you out anytime soon.

No.

Now that he was able to confide in you, he was genuinely beginning to enjoy your company--especially as you asked him to rest his arm across your lap. From there, your gentle hands went to work changing the bandage out for a fresh one, using an alcohol spray to keep the wounds from getting infected.

He hissed and cursed a few times at the stinging pain, but not once did he try to get you to stop.

Suddenly, it all began to hit him in this exact moment.

You were willingly playing nurse to a giant sea monster that has killed a man and was responsible for the terrifying things you had to witness down here.

He couldn't understand..but at the same time he felt relieved that all along he had nothing to worry about.

"Th-That's fine..thank you.."

Hearing a sniffle, you glanced up as Sebastian hastily took his arm away, "standing" back up and turning away from you. You just smiled and patted his tail comfortingly, not saying a word as you waited for him to collect himself.

For once, that snarky and sarcastic fish you've come to know was gone, and he was letting his walls down, finally realizing he could trust you.

Eventually he fell silent, and you wondered what to do now. You bought everything you wanted to earlier, so you didn't wanna overstay your welcome-

"Do you mind staying for a little bit longer?"

The question surprised you, but you smiled and nodded. "Sure. As long as you don't mind, shrimpy."

There was a pause, and he slowly looked back at you, pouting. "Big talk coming from someone as tiny as you, friend." He playfully sneered.

You just laughed and shook your head, glad to see him in better spirits.

Thanks to that scrambler on his back, you didn't have to worry about HQ getting on your ass about continuing the mission or threatening detonation.

You could definitely stay awhile and ramble about more mantis shrimp facts to Sebastian...if he was willing to hear them, of course.

[canihaveacalmtime]

Imagine yourself as the neglected youngest prince/princess of a powerful empire, after being deemed for harming the king's favorite child, you were sent to the underground dungeon to have you learn your lesson but that lesson which suppose to only long for 2 weeks turned into 2 years of torture for you.

So when the truth was revealed that it was a duke's family that was behind the attack of the king's favorite child, they remembered about you and realized that it's been two years since they last seen you, it just hits them hard the moment they knew that you were still in the dungeons.

When they arrived at your cell, they were devastated to see how brutally beaten up you are and you look like you haven't had any food for weeks, even months. Quickly, the king order that you be treated immediately and called the royal doctor.

As you lay limp on the bed in your new bedroom, the doctor said that your condition now is even worse than any othet patient the doctor has ever treated, worse than the knights who came back from war even and you are 10, only 10 years old. Your family can only pray for your recovery now while drowning themselves in guilt and regret.

One early morning, when your sister, the king's favorite child yeah, came to check on you and she almost cried when she saw you sitting on the bed, looking outside the window. You're awake and moving, so she immediately go and tell the others.

After that was the beginning days of all the family members to try and attempt to get your attention and fight each other over for who will be the one to pamper and take care of you. You on the other hand just doesn't budge from what they've been doing, it's like you are just a living body without a living soul.

Everyday, you have to hear them apologize to you, tell you sweet things and comfort you, try their best to lessen the wounds on your body and you're becoming sick of those things. You only want to know why they are wasting their time on you while they can just left you back in the maid headquarters where your old room is then left to rot in there, won't it be better?

So as a protest, you did the unthinkable, you tried to unalive yourself by jumping off of the balcony and let's just say they were not happy about that one bit.

At first, you just did it once so they make sure the maids will always have their eyes on you to prevent you from doing such things again until your second attempt comes with you tried to stab yourself with a piece of glass then another, then another and another. They were getting really tired of what you were doing and finally settled down to an agreement.

Make sure to don't be too panic when you wake up the next day to see your hands cuffed and the chain on your leg connect to the bed frame. Even when you tried to refuse to eat, they will just force feed you without making you hurt. Eventually, you snapped and broke down one day just screaming and crying at them, saying that why don't they just kill you already, you are so tired of everything and the pain never fade.

Your mother holds and kiss your face, making you not notice the syringe has been plugged into your neck as you slowly losing consciousness, the only thing you hear before blacking out was-

"You shall never leave our side, sweetheart. Even if the lengths we are going to keep you here is overdose, we just have no option left if you don't cooperate. Sleep tight, we love you."

[espresso1patronum]

I think there's been a glitch

megumi fushiguro! x f!reader (best friends to lovers?)

summary: you were supposed to be just friends. yes, you and megumi. you were both supposed to be normal high school classmates, with nothing more than platonic feelings between the two of you. you were his best friend, and you swore you'd never fall for him. so how did you end up pinned against him on his bed? this definitely isn’t the typical situation for best friends, is it?

warnings: afab!reader, swearing/cursing, both the reader and megumi are eighteen, best friends to lovers trope, high school au, teenagers being totally oblivious, fluff, hurt/comfort, slow burn?

word count: 17.9k (HELP)

a/n: based on a small drabble i wrote and ya'll requested if i could make it a fic, your wish is my command so here it is. this is the first part and there will be a second one. guys i'm totally in love with this one. it's rly cute and it's my bbg<3 i love how stupid and oblivious they are haha

"you asshole! give me my notes back!" you yelled as you ran and somehow caught up to megumi, pulling on his bag.

"your notes?" he scoffed. "they're mine, and you stole them from me," he said, yanking you off of him.

you rolled your eyes. "haha, yeah, they are your notes and maybe i did steal them from you, but still—why'd you take 'em back?" you said, trying to grab the papers from his hands, but he held onto your wrist, preventing you from doing so.

megumi sighed. "because they're mine? tsk..idiot; don't you have anything else to do other than annoy me every morning?"

yes, this was a typical morning for the both of you as you walked to school. you being the pesky little brat you were, and him being the nonchalant grump he was.

you’d practically known each other since elementary school, back when you were just six. you first met him when the teacher asked you to recite a poem, and you got stuck halfway through, while everyone else laughed—except for him. you were a stubborn girl back then, and you thought his lack of laughter meant he was being kind and wanted to be friends. but no, the truth was, he simply didn’t care.

but that didn’t stop you from becoming friends with him. in fact, he was the most mature six-year-old you’d ever met, with a sharp tongue to match. when he reluctantly agreed to be friends, you soon realized he had trouble connecting with other kids. yet, despite that, you two became inseparable, and ever since, you’ve been best friends. now, here you were, in the final semester of high school.

megumi was, without even trying, one of the most popular guys in school. despite being incredibly introverted and aloof, you couldn’t help but wonder how he managed to attract so much attention. his looks and academic performance turned heads, earning him the admiration of nearly every girl. and you? you felt like you might throw up. how could they like him? your stupid best friend? (you very well knew he was much smarter than you, but you couldn't help but despise all that attention he got)

you, on the other hand, were known as "the best friend of the cool guy"—the so-called cool guy. you absolutely hated that label. because you spent so much time with him, guys never showed interest in you, assuming you were dating him. it made you furious, especially now that high school was almost over, and you were already eighteen and you had never dated a guy. never. and you blamed megumi for that. maybe because he was always around you.

things have got to change or else i'll die single, alone and miserable. you thought.

"...and that’s how christopher columbus discovered america in 1492," your history teacher, professor yaga, announced. history was by far the most boring subject in your opinion. you could easily sleep through the entire class and never miss a thing. and that’s exactly what you were doing—dozing off while some students listened attentively, megumi being one of them, others pretending to pay attention, and a few, like you, already asleep. but of course, professor yaga had to single you out. "y/n! wake up, you sleepyhead!" he called out, tossing a piece of chalk at you.

"no, i didn't steal your candy-" you muttered, still half-asleep as you rubbed your eyes. the other kids couldn't help but laugh at your groggy response. professor yaga raised an eyebrow, his tone sharp. "you do realize this will land you in detention, miss l/n?"

you snapped awake, panic flooding your chest as you scrambled for an explanation. "please, sir, i swear i won't do it again," you pleaded, your voice almost a whisper.

fuck it, you fell asleep again.

he let out a long sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "fine. but you'll submit your report tomorrow as your punishment." you nodded quickly, relief washing over you. it wasn't the worst outcome, but it was fair enough.

you felt that the world wasn't fair to girls like you. you weren't very social, and on top of that, you weren't the best academically—good, but not enough to meet your parents' expectations. you had zero experience with dating, and to make matters worse, you were a bit of a mess and a huge crackhead, sure that you probably weirded people out.

you had watched those romantic movies that nobara had forced you to watch. in them, the female lead's problems were always solved with the perfect kiss. you couldn't help but wonder, when am i ever going to experience that? when?

with megumi tagging along all the time with you, you wondered if you'd ever actually get a boyfriend.

your thoughts were interrupted as the bell rang, and you felt a tug behind you. "what do you want, fushiguro?" you asked, glancing as megumi sat down beside your bench.

"you might want to stay awake during history lectures, or you'll fail, idiot," megumi said nonchalantly.

"why do you care?" you replied, crossing your arms. "it's not like you're concerned for me, right?"

he deadpanned at you. "gojo will probably kill me then- 'it's your fault she couldn't concentrate,' he'll say."

"ugh, i knew it," you groaned, leaning on the table with your hands pressed to your forehead. "you don't give a fuck about me."

no. in fact, megumi did care about you a lot. it’s just that you were oblivious, and he was particularly good at hiding it. of course, megumi would care about the one person who knew him so well and liked him for who he truly was, even if you two often bickered over small things. that’s what best friends are supposed to be like, after all.

"no one does care, do they?" you asked, your face propped up on your chin as you scanned the classroom. megumi couldn't have bothered less, but you thought there were still yuji and nobara who would care for you.

megumi sighed. "stop being like this and get your miserable ass up," he said, walking away.

"wait for me, megumi!" you said dramatically, pretending to struggle as you tried to get up from your chair.

you followed him out into the hallway, arms crossed and brows furrowed as you shot him a sideways glance.

"umm..do you think i'll ever get a boyfriend?" you asked, the words slipping out before you could stop them.

megumi barely looked at you as he walked, but you could swear you saw the tiniest smirk tug at his lips. "i don't know," he said, his tone flat. "with that attitude? probably not."

you threw your hands up in exaggerated frustration, swatting at his shoulder. "shut up, asshole!"

just then, a girl from another class caught sight of you both and grinned. "are you two dating? cute," she said, and suddenly, the world felt way too small as you both froze—embarrassed, awkward, and a little bit… cringe.

"no!" you both yelled at the same time, quickly glancing at each other before looking away, the tension hanging in the air.

it wasn't the first time. "are you and megumi a thing? you guys look cool together," people would ask, and every single time, you'd feel that weird mix of frustration and confusion.

megumi. your boyfriend? yeah, right. the idea was so ridiculous that you couldn't even picture it. the thought of it had you laughing to yourself. the thing was, megumi didn’t see you as a... girl. you’d both grown up together, shared countless memories, and spent more time bickering than anything else. to him, you were just you—his childhood friend, someone he’d known forever.

it didn’t matter how many times people asked or joked about you two being a couple. in megumi's eyes, you were always just… one of the guys. no, his guy. that's all. and maybe that was part of the problem.

you didn’t blame him, of course. it wasn’t like you had any experience with relationships either. but the more you thought about it, the more you realized how complicated it would be if things did ever change. that's why you swore not to fall for him. you told yourself over and over that it was just too complicated, that things would never work out between you two. you had a good friendship with megumi. that's all you wanted, nothing more than that. you couldn't risk messing it up.

and it wasn’t just you. megumi, in his own quiet way, had sworn the same thing. he was scared—scared that if things changed, if feelings got involved, he might lose you. and losing you was something he couldn’t even think about.

"i almost gagged," you muttered, shaking your head in disbelief. megumi nodded in agreement, his expression unmoved. "i know, right? how can people say such absurd things?" he scoffed, the words dripping with arrogance. "you're a fool and i'm too good for you."

you shot him a glare, as you lunged towards him, practically trying to choke him.

"dare say that again, you—" you growled, stopping just short of him, eyes narrowed with irritation. megumi barely flinched, instead ruffling your hair, not bothered in the slightest way.

"like that could even do anything to me," he teased, clearly enjoying how easily he could push your buttons.

you groaned, throwing your hands up in frustration. "you're impossible," you muttered.

she looks kinda… cute when she's flustered, he thought, but then immediately froze, realizing what he had just thought. cute? her? what? his mind scrambled to make sense of it. what's wrong with me? he mentally shook his head, trying to push the thought away, but it lingered, making him feel uncomfortably self-aware.

you pouted at him, crossing your arms with a dramatic huff. "you know what, megumi, if you keep acting like this, i'm going to stop hanging out with you," you said, trying to sound serious.

but megumi wasn’t paying attention. his mind was still stuck on that thought from earlier. why the heck did you have to pout like that? he couldn’t shake the image of your cute, frustrated expression. why was he feeling things? he frowned, trying to snap out of it, but his thoughts just kept drifting back to you.

just best friends. just best friends. he repeated in his mind, trying to ground himself. but then, the thought wouldn’t leave him. was it even possible to think your girl best friend looked cute? he wondered, his mind spinning. the more he tried to convince himself it was nothing, the more his heart seemed to disagree. something was definitely wrong with him.

trying to push the thought aside, megumi returned to his usual stoic expression. "what is it you were saying, y/n?" he asked, his voice colder now.

"unbelievable!" you crossed your arms, shaking your head in disbelief. "you know what, megumi? if you're being like this, i’m taking a break from you. i can’t spend every waking second with you. i have a life too, you know." you paused, frowning. "i’m going to agree with nobara, who’s been pushing me to go on a date. but i always said no before, why? because i thought you’d get lonely. but clearly, you don’t care. so don’t bother. don’t try to call me," you said, turning to leave.

you didn't know what came over you or why you said all that. maybe you really feared ending up alone and sad with zero experience in dating like a sore loser, just because you spent so much time with your best friend.

megumi's chest tightened at your words, but he couldn't hold it in any longer. "you’re the one who sticks to me. i don’t mind being left alone. you’re the one who bombards me with messages and calls. you keep saying you have a life? well, i have one too. so i don’t care if you go on a stupid date with some stupid guy," he snapped, his frustration bubbling over.

yes, he fucked up. and yes, he did care if you went on a stupid date with a stupid guy.

you scoffed, your voice sharp with frustration. "alright then, putting all our years of friendship at stake—this is what you wanted, right?" you turned and started walking away, leaving megumi standing there, his expression faltering.

he looked down, feeling a weight in his chest that only seemed to grow heavier by the second. really bad. the guilt settled in, a sinking feeling he couldn't shake off. what had he just done? why did he say those things?

why couldn’t he just say okay and move on like any other friend? why did it feel like his chest was tightening, like there was a lump in his throat every time he thought about you with someone else?

he hated the thought of it—hated how it gnawed at him, how it made his stomach twist. he couldn’t figure out why seeing you with another guy felt like it was something he couldn’t bear.

was it because he didn’t want to lose you? or was it something else?

ofcourse it wasn't. he was only genuinely concerned for you. sure.

this was the first time megumi realised that he was bad at lying to himself.

you didn’t talk to megumi for the next few days. every morning, you made sure to leave for school early, avoiding him entirely. you didn’t want him to have the chance to pick you up and walk with you like he usually did.

megumi, however, figured out your new routine quickly. he tried to follow your schedule, hoping to catch you, even just for a moment, but with each passing day, his efforts became less persistent. gradually, he stopped trying altogether. best friends don’t act like this, he thought, a bitter taste in his mouth. it felt wrong, but he couldn’t bring himself to do anything more.

it had been a few days since everything had happened. it was a fight, but it lasted longer than you expected. sure, you and megumi had petty little arguments often, but you always made up quickly since neither of you wanted anything serious. but this time, it was different.

you were scribbling in the back of your notebook when the teacher's voice made your head snap up. "so, i'm going to be dividing you all into groups for this project. any volunteers?" the teacher asked as you returned to your scribbling.

"yn, what about you?" she called, pulling your attention back. you shifted in your seat, caught off guard. "uh, yeah, sure," you muttered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. the thing was, you didn’t mind projects, but you definitely didn’t want to be the group leader.

"any student you'd like to have as a co-leader?" she asked.

you scanned the room, your eyes briefly meeting megumi's. "no, i don't have a preference," you replied, deliberately avoiding his glare.

"alright then, i’ll make megumi your co-leader since you two worked well together last time," she said, and you nodded, sinking back into your seat.

you mentally cursed at yourself. no. this wasn’t supposed to happen.

the teacher assigned the rest of the groups, and you found yourself stuck with megumi and four other students.

you didn’t like this one bit. you had been hoping to avoid talking to him, but now, being in the same group, you wouldn’t have a choice.

"alright, I'm assigning the project file to you," megumi said, glancing at you.

you frowned.

he turned to look back at you. "what?" he asked. "nothing," you replied flatly. megumi had been quiet for a while, having tried to get you to talk to him, but with no success. to your frustration, he had started acting indifferent, as if you two had never been best friends.

you wanted him to worry. you wanted him to beg for your attention. but he didn’t even apologize, and that hurt. the reason for the fight had been petty, but you didn’t know what else to do. just then, nobara came running up, giggling as she threw her arms around your shoulders.

"woah, woah, calm down, bara," you said, holding her steady.

"omg, yn! guess what? i set you up on a date!" she squealed.

"what?" you blinked, narrowing your eyes. "what the fuck, nobara? why’d you do that?"

she looked at you skeptically. "you’re the one who told me the other day that you were going to date, or else you’d end up—"

you quickly covered her mouth, embarrassed. "yeah, yeah, i get it, but i didn’t mean right now."

you swear you saw megumi glaring at the two of you from a distance. "what’s up with you now, fushiguro? jealous that your ex-best friend finally got a date?" nobara teased, clearly annoyed.

megumi scoffed, his voice cold. "i'm looking at you because you’re making a commotion and being too loud," he muttered, walking away.

he didn’t seem to care. did he even listen to what nobara said? part of you wondered if he still cared at all, but another part of you felt like he didn’t—and that made you... sad.

you were walking down the corridor with nobara during break. "megumi didn't even apologize. i don’t know what’s wrong with him," you said, crossing your arms as nobara nodded in agreement.

"i mean, it's true that you'd never get a boyfriend with him always hanging around you," nobara added, making you frown and shove her playfully.

"well, anyways—" you started, but were cut off when someone stopped right in front of the two of you. you looked up and froze.

"hey there, yn," a voice you recognised from somewhere, spoke.

it was asahi.

he was tall, with black hair, a handsome face, and a presence that made him impossible to ignore. as the best basketball player at your school, he was surrounded by tons of girls, all of whom seemed to fawn over him. you had a teeny, tiny crush on him, but you never imagined he'd talk to you like this.

"hello asahi?" nobara said, snapping you out of your thoughts.

"i fix you up on a date with her and you don’t even say hello to me? where are your manners?" nobara scoffed, and asahi chuckled lightly.

what? wait, a date?

suddenly, everything clicked. he was the one you were going on a date with?

"oh yeah, i forgot to tell yn that you're the one she’s going on a date with," nobara added casually.

you felt your face heat up. embarrassed, you scratched the back of your neck. "h-h-hi, asahi," you stammered.

he smiled warmly at you. "you have a pretty smile, yn," he said, gently tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear.

boom. you heard it.

and in that moment, you could swear you heard your heart skip a beat.

"why did you even agree to go on a date with me when nobara asked?" you asked asahi, a hint of confusion in your voice as he smiled.

"well, you got it wrong, yn," he replied, still smiling. "i was the one who asked her if you were single. i was the one who approached first."

you blushed furiously, caught off guard by his words.

for a moment, it felt as though the whole world had paused. your hair gently flowed in the breeze, and asahi was looking straight into your eyes, just like in the movies. suddenly, those cheesy scenes made sense.

"well, I’ll get going, yn. i’ve got your number from nobara, so i’ll text you later. and remember, it’s a date," asahi winked before walking off to join his friends.

you wanted to giggle, laugh, cry—anything, really. you had gotten your first date, and not just with anyone, but with asahi. you were bursting to tell megumi.

"wait, let me go tell megu—" you started, but then you stopped yourself.

oh right, i can't. i forgot.

nobara sighed. "girl, just leave him for now. you’ve got a date, don’t you? now all you need to do is wait for his text," she said with a knowing smile.

you nodded, but you felt empty somehow. "yeah, i guess so."

that evening, you found yourself lying on your bed, working on your homework while listening to your favorite song. you felt anxious, wondering if asahi would actually text you or if you’d end up waiting forever, only to be played by him. but he seemed too genuine for that—that's what you thought, at least, in that moment, through the lens of your teenage mind.

suddenly, your phone buzzed, and you jumped up to check the message. it was from megumi.

megumi: hi, i was wondering if our group could meet tomorrow at the café at 5 p.m. to discuss the project. be there.

you hesitated for a moment before replying, but eventually, you typed:

you: ok, fine.

you wanted to tell megumi about your date with asahi, but a part of you wanted him to feel the sting of not knowing. i won’t tell him, you thought. he’ll find out eventually.

just as you flopped onto your bed and closed your eyes, your phone buzzed again. you peeked at the screen—it was an unknown number.

asahi: hey yn! you free tomorrow at 5? if you are, i’ll pick you up! we’ll go to the movies.

you shot up, eyes wide in shock. oh my god, it’s asahi. you squealed, kicking your pillows in excitement, then grabbed your phone to reply.

you: hii asahi! sure, i’m free… you don’t need to worry about picking me up though.

the reply came quickly.

asahi: nah, don’t worry. i’ll come by ;)

the next morning, you found yourself laughing and chatting with nobara, showing her the messages on your phone.

"oh my god," nobara said dramatically, leaning closer to the screen. "he said he'd pick you up? what a true gentleman!"

you giggled, feeling a bit giddy. "i know, right?"

the thing was, you were young, naive, and inexperienced. boys like asahi had been dating and having casual flings since middle school, starting as early as eighth grade. deep down, you probably shouldn't have trusted him so blindly.

"wait, wait, yn! oh my god, close your eyes!" nobara exclaimed suddenly, pulling her phone out.

"why?" you asked, laughing as you obeyed.

"don't peek at my phone," she warned, scrolling frantically through her gallery. "okay, open up!"

you opened your eyes, and there it was—a picture of asahi. but not just any picture. this one showed him shirtless, his abs on full display.

his abs were well-defined, and his face matched—handsome and captivating.

"oh my goodness, i can't unsee this!" you gushed, your cheeks heating up.

"i got it off his instagram feed," nobara said smugly. "how good of a friend am i, right?"

you laughed and nodded, still staring at the image as if it might burn a hole in her phone screen. but then, out of nowhere, your mind betrayed you. instead of asahi, you suddenly pictured megumi in that photo—toned abs, a lean yet well-proportioned figure... wait, what? jesus fucking hell.

you blinked in shock, realizing where your thoughts had wandered. your little brain was conjuring up scenarios you’d never imagined before. why him? you wondered.

though asahi’s physique was undoubtedly athletic, in your mind, megumi’s leaner frame somehow looked better, more effortlessly attractive. you cursed at yourself, shaking your head in frustration.

what’s wrong with me?

you chuckled awkwardly, feeling a bit embarrassed, as nobara sighed dramatically.

"i’ll get going now. i promised maki i’d meet her at the cafeteria. bye, yn! oh, and why don’t you go see asahi? he’s at basketball practice right now," nobara added with a smirk.

you smiled and nodded. yeah, maybe seeing asahi would help get your mind off megumi.

jogging down to the court, you spotted asahi practicing with his team. he looked incredible—playing effortlessly, weaving through his opponents, and landing perfect baskets. his confidence on the court was magnetic, and you couldn’t help but admire him.

as you moved closer, he wiped the sweat from his forehead, his eyes meeting yours. he smiled instantly, making your heart skip a beat.

"guys, i’ll be back in a moment. keep practicing—good game!" asahi called out to his team before walking toward you.

your heart started to race as he approached, chugging a bottle of water. hot. that was all you could think.

"hey, yn. what’s up?" he asked casually, his voice smooth.

you tried to compose yourself, replying in a cute but natural tone, "umm, i’m here to see you."

he raised an eyebrow, a playful smile spreading across his face. "aw, you came to see me? well, how’d i do out there?" he asked, wiping his forehead again.

"you’re really cool, i must admit," you said, smiling as you gave his shoulder a light pat.

he let out a playful scoff. "pretty cool? i’m the captain of the team, miss. you’re really hard to impress, aren’t you?"

you could feel your heart flutter again—or maybe it was the thrill of this new kind of attention. whatever it was, it was exciting, unfamiliar, and intoxicating.

what you didn’t realize, though, was just how much others admired you. you always thought guys weren’t that into you, but the reality was far from it. you were different, and maybe that’s why someone like megumi cherished you so much.

"oi, asahi, come back in two!" one of his teammates called out.

asahi nodded and turned to you with a smile. "well, i gotta run," he said, glancing back at the court. then, almost as an afterthought, he added, "don’t forget—5 o’clock. i’ll come pick you up."

before you could reply, he reached for your hand and kissed it gently.

you froze.

it wasn’t that you didn’t know how to handle yourself in normal situations—it’s just that this was not normal. your brain short-circuited as you stood there, watching him jog back to the court. you were so stunned that you didn’t notice the soccer ball flying toward you from the opposite end of the field.

it was only when the ball was dangerously close that you realized what was happening. you dramatically thought, this is it. my time has come. the end is near.

but the impact never came.

something—or rather, someone—stopped the ball.

megumi.

he was standing right next to you, the ball in one hand, his body positioned between you and the potential danger. his expression was as unreadable as ever—calm, stoic, but commanding in a way that made you feel oddly safe.

"umm..." you began, but before you could say more, megumi turned his attention to the kid who’d come running over, clearly flustered.

"watch where you kick the ball," megumi said flatly, his voice firm but not overly harsh.

the kid stammered an apology, but megumi didn’t dwell on it. Instead, he tossed the ball into the air and kicked it back across the field with precise force. the movement was smooth, powerful, and, dare you think it, hot.

you mentally slapped yourself. seriously? what’s wrong with me today?

maybe it was the hormones, or maybe it was the fact that everything megumi did lately seemed to stand out to you in a way it never had before. you caught yourself wondering how strong he really was—something you never paid attention to before.

then, you remembered the start of the school term when megumi had effortlessly lifted you off the ground during some chaotic moment. at the time, you hadn’t thought much of it. but now? if that happened again, you’d probably lose your mind.

"umm, thanks," you mumbled, avoiding his gaze—not because you didn’t want to look at him, but because your cheeks were burning red.

megumi didn’t look at you either. "you’re welcome, i guess," he said. then, after a brief pause, he added, "try not to be a fool next time. keep your eyes opened idiot."

he cares. you couldn’t help but mentally dance at the thought, even though you knew he wouldn’t show any further emotion.

"well, what are you doing here?" you asked hesitantly.

he chuckled, and it sounded… odd. exhausted, perhaps, but there was something different about it. "i thought we’d stopped bugging each other," he replied.

"it’s not like that," you quickly cut him off. "megumi, I didn’t mean it that way."

"then what?" he shot back. "all the times i tried to apologize, and you didn’t even care."

"apologize? excuse me? that was your version of apologizing?" you snapped. "i told you we needed a break from being friends, and you didn’t even try to approach me. you just gave up and started acting indifferent."

"you’re the one going on a date with some random guy now," he muttered, almost to himself. his expression twisted slightly, and you realized he hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

"why would you bring that up now?" you asked, scoffing. "if you’re so into not poking your nose into other people’s business, maybe you should start with yourself."

megumi rolled his eyes. "i don’t want to argue anymore," he said with a sigh.

"you’re the one who started it," you retorted.

both of you fell silent as the basketball team finished their practice and began heading off the court. neither of you said anything, instead looking away and sighing in unison.

just then, asahi approached you, flashing his signature grin. "remember, yn. 5 pm," he said with a wink.

you blushed furiously, giggling at his playful tone.

megumi, however, stared daggers at asahi’s retreating back as though he could burn a hole right through him. "what was that all about?" he asked coldly.

"i thought you wouldn’t—" you began, but megumi cut you off.

"no. just tell me." his voice was steady, but you could sense a strange concern behind it.

you gave in. "well… he’s the one i’m going on a date with," you admitted hesitantly.

for a split second, you thought you saw megumi’s face drop. but the moment passed quickly, and his usual ice-cold demeanor returned. maybe he wasn’t affected. but deep down, a part of you wanted him to feel jealous.

"well, good for you," he said, his tone indifferent.

but then he paused, as if something had just occurred to him. "wait. what about our meeting at 5 pm today?"

oh. you’d completely forgotten. between thinking about asahi all day and getting lost in your thoughts, you hadn’t remembered the plans you’d already made with megumi before agreeing to meet asahi.

"i… i won’t be able to make it," you admitted reluctantly. "i only said yes to you for formality’s sake. i already agreed to meet asahi first, and i can’t cancel on him—"

you lied.

megumi sighed sharply, cutting you off. "of course you can’t. enjoy."

before you could say anything else, he turned and walked away. his expression was unreadable, and there wasn’t even a hint of disappointment on his face.

but you wanted there to be. you wanted him to feel something—jealousy, sadness, anything.

and then it hit you. why did you want him to feel that way? unless… no. that wasn’t possible. was it?

you shook your head, trying to brush off the thought. megumi was your best friend—or, at least, he used to be. that was in the past now. or so you told yourself.

evening came, and you couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt settling in your chest. why am i doing this? am i hurting megumi? you wondered. but then again, he hadn’t shown any sign of being upset. he didn’t seem sad at all—maybe you were just overthinking.

you got dressed for your first date, opting for a cropped top that was just shy of being see-through. paired with baggy cargo jeans and some matching accessories, you looked cute—really cute, you had to admit. the only problem was the makeup. inexperienced and clueless, you turned to youtube tutorials for help.

"stupid mascara… ugh," you groaned as you struggled to get it just right. after thirty long minutes of trial and error, you finally managed to finish. the makeup was minimal but far more than what you usually wore. at least you didn’t look like a demon—you silently thanked the heavens for that.

when the clock struck the hour, you found yourself waiting at the nearby bus stop, where asahi had agreed to pick you up. He had a car. he had a license. he’s so cool, you thought to yourself.

just then, a sleek maserati pulled up right in front of you. he’s rich too? you thought in disbelief.

"yn, hi," he greeted you, his tone cheerful and confident. he exuded a cool and effortless charm, dressed in an oversized hoodie and casual pants. somehow, he managed to strike the perfect balance between not overdressing and not underdressing.

he stepped out of the car, opened the door for you, and extended his hand. blushing, you took it and got in.

the ride to the theater was fun—filled with lighthearted conversation about the movie and playful banter. before you knew it, you had arrived just in time, popcorn and soda in hand, ready for the film.

meanwhile, megumi was sitting in a café with the other students, working on the group project. he looked composed, as he usually did—calm and collected, the image of focus.

or so it seemed.

inside, his thoughts were anything but composed. the idea of you spending time with another guy, especially someone like asahi, made his blood boil. it’s nothing, he tried to convince himself. just brotherly feelings, that’s all.

this was the second time megumi realized how terrible he was at lying to himself.

the mental image of your soft, plump lips on asahi’s made his jaw tighten. his grip on his pen stiffened. what if he’s just using her? he wondered. what if she’s in danger? the thoughts raced through his mind relentlessly.

maybe i'm overthinking… but then, his mind conjured up something that made his pulse quicken: he imagined himself in asahi’s place, leaning in and kissing you instead.

damn it, he cursed under his breath. stupid teenage hormones. fuck them.

he shook his head, trying to banish the thought. no, this couldn’t happen. it didn’t matter if his feelings were “brotherly” or something else entirely. all he knew was that he had an overwhelming urge to storm into the theater, pull asahi away from you, and take you somewhere far away from him.

to megumi, you were still innocent—too kind, too naive to see through someone like asahi. he told himself it was concern for your well-being, nothing more. but deep down, even he wasn’t sure anymore.

his hand hovered over his phone, tempted to message you and cancel the meeting right now and run straight to you. no, he thought, clenching his fist. but the thought of you with asahi lingered, gnawing at him, making it impossible to focus on anything else.

asahi and you were completely engrossed in the movie. as you reached for the popcorn, you felt a pair of fingers brush against yours. ah, yes—you were sharing the same basket of popcorn. it felt so fitting, like a classic movie moment come to life.

both of you turned your heads at the same time, your eyes meeting. maybe you had done it on purpose, hoping for this exact moment. asahi's gaze lingered on yours, and you felt a blush rise to your cheeks.

"so, how’s it?" he asked, his voice warm and casual. the glow of the screen flickered in your eyes as you sat there, caught mid-bite with a mouthful of popcorn.

"umm, the popcorn? it’s buttery, but it could use some salt," you replied, earning a soft chuckle from him. ah, that laugh—it sent a flutter through your chest.

"no, silly. i meant the movie," he said, grinning as he casually draped an arm over your shoulders.

you laughed awkwardly, feeling the heat of embarrassment creep over you. "haha, yeah, i knew that," you said, trying to play it off. "it’s good."

"hmm," he whispered softly, leaning in closer. you could feel it—the heat between you. then, with one hand, he gently tilted your face toward him. oh no, he was going to kiss you. you had never done this before—at least, not with an actual person. your plushies and pillows had been your only practice partners, and even they wouldn’t prepare you for this.

as you leaned in as well, closing your eyes, the lights in the theater suddenly turned on, and people began getting up to leave. the movie was over. how embarrassing. asahi chuckled at your flustered state, his warm laugh making your cheeks burn even more.

"maybe next time," he muttered to himself, his voice almost teasing. you stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to do, when he suddenly got a notification on his phone.

"well, i gotta run to the washroom. i'll be quick, okay? wait for me outside," he said with a smile, squeezing your hand before heading off. you nodded and walked out of the theater.

the cold air outside hit you instantly, making you regret wearing just a crop top. the clouds had taken over the sky, dark and heavy, and it looked like it could rain any moment now. you stood there, replaying the events of the day in your head. it had been your first date—and asahi was perfect. just like someone straight out of a movie. but it had all felt almost too perfect, like it wasn’t quite real. the only thing missing had been the kiss, which was sadly interrupted. you couldn’t help but blush at the memory.

when you glanced at your phone, you realized it had already been ten minutes since asahi went to the bathroom. you weren’t trying to be impatient, but you wondered what was taking him so long. a knot of worry formed in your stomach. deciding to check, you headed toward the bathrooms.

what you saw froze you in place. there, just outside the bathroom, was asahi—kissing another girl.

you blinked, hoping you were imagining it, but no. it was real. his lips were on hers, his hands resting on her waist. there was no mistaking it. it wasn’t the movie-like moment you had hoped for—it was a nightmare.

your chest tightened as tears began to prick your eyes. you wanted to scream at him, to demand an explanation, to ask if you weren’t good enough. but no. he didn’t deserve that from you. you had something he clearly lacked—self-respect and pride. so, instead of confronting him, you turned and walked away.

but the tears wouldn’t stop. they rolled down your cheeks, hot and uncontrollable, as you replayed what you had just seen. your heart ached with betrayal. were all boys like this? trash?

no. not all boys. you thought of megumi. he’d never do something like this. he’d never hurt you like this. suddenly, you felt the overwhelming urge to go to him. to tell him you were wrong. to tell him you wanted him—not just as a friend, but as something more.

but how could you? after everything you’d said to him, after how you’d pushed him away? he probably wouldn’t even look at you now. that thought made the pain in your chest feel even heavier.

ha, how ironic, you thought. your first date and heartbreak on the same day. why did all this happen to you? you had been too naive to trust asahi. he was a playboy, and he played you. the one thing you had looked forward to was now the thing you dreaded. you didn’t want to date anymore; you didn’t even want to see anyone again. it had started raining, and you were running. where? you didn’t know. just running, hoping to disappear, to escape from everything and everyone.

megumi was done with the project work and had closed everything off. luckily, you had left your location services on. feeling an urge to check where you were, he opened the app, and to his surprise, you weren’t at home or the theater. you were somewhere in the middle of town.

"what the heck?" he mumbled, grabbing his jacket and bag before running out the door. he knew where you’d go. whenever you got sad, you always ran to the park downtown. his intuition told him something was wrong. not that he wanted to jinx it, but maybe he’d already called it.

he ran through the rain without an umbrella, his clothes getting soaked, until he finally caught sight of you. you were kneeling down on the wet ground, crying. he rushed over to you.

"hey, y/n, what happened?" he asked, concern clear in his voice.

the moment you heard his voice, you recognized it. your red and puffy eyes blurred your vision, but you didn’t care. you stood up and threw yourself into megumi’s arms, your face pressed against his chest. he held you closer, his warmth shielding you from the cold rain.

"what happened? tell me," he said gently, his voice calm though worry was evident.

tears were rolling down your cheeks, hot and uncontrollable.

"hic—uh… asahi… h-he hic… k-kissed… another g-g... girl..." your words barely made sense, but megumi understood.

"it's alright, idiot. stop crying," he said softly, his hand gently brushing away your tears. but inside, his anger was rising. he wanted to do something, anything, to wipe that smug look off asahi’s face. he wasn’t as calm as he usually was anymore. his protective instincts kicked in, and all he wanted was to make asahi regret hurting you.

you took a few seconds to calm down, still whimpering and hiccuping as megumi rubbed your back soothingly. he was there—always. no matter what, he stayed by your side, and deep down, you knew he always would.

suddenly, a pang of guilt hit you. you had hurt him.

"umm, m-megumi, well, i-i wanted to say sorry," you said, looking up into his eyes. they glimmered in the faint moonlight, his figure shielding you from the rain. his eyes softened as he met your gaze.

"sorry? why?" he asked, though you knew he understood.

"w-well, i was wrong," you began, your voice trembling. "i was selfish and inconsiderate, for both of us. i was just desperate to get myself a boyfriend… and look at how i ended up." tears threatened to spill again, but megumi hushed you, gently placing a finger on your lips.

"you little idiot," he said, his tone affectionate despite the words. "don’t you understand? sure, if you hung out with me, you probably wouldn’t get one. but… i think it’s my fault too. i didn’t give you enough space to breathe either. though…" he hesitated, a faint curse escaping under his breath. "no matter what, i’d hate to see you date someone else."

his words hung in the air. his eyes widened slightly, realizing what he’d just said out loud.

"what?" you asked, stunned, your eyes wide with surprise.

"never mind," he mumbled quickly, shaking his head. "i meant i’d be sad if you left me alone, that’s all. are you seriously so dumb that your mind clings to stuff like that?"

you laughed softly, the sound light and genuine despite everything, and pulled him into another hug. with megumi, you felt safe. you felt… okay. asahi didn’t matter anymore, and you realized it now.

you let yourself sink into the moment, listening to the gentle pitter-patter of the rain. the two of you were drenched, but neither of you seemed to care. the sound of water sliding down rooftops, trickling from the playground slide, and pooling in puddles filled the air.

then you noticed something else: your heartbeat. it was fast. thump-thump. had it always been this fast? no, it felt different. abnormal, even. but it couldn’t have anything to do with megumi, of course not. it had to be everything you’d been through tonight… obviously.

but then you caught the scent of his cologne. it was fresh, like dewy mist, and you couldn’t help but lean in a little closer, inhaling it deeply. wait. what was that?

you felt something in your stomach. a flutter. you blinked. parasites? you thought to yourself, trying to rationalize it. it’s definitely not butterflies. no, it couldn’t be. of course not.

you just hoped you were right—because the last thing you wanted now was to fall for your best friend.

megumi broke the hug and stepped back. "i think if you’re done, maybe we should go. and seriously, what the heck, we’re completely drenched," he said, glancing down at his soaked clothes. "my clothes are totally ruined now."

without waiting for a response, he grabbed your hand and started running. you followed, your feet splashing through puddles.

"where are we going?" you asked as he suddenly stopped, looking around.

"let’s just find some shelter and call a taxi," he replied. but then his eyes landed somewhere they really shouldn’t have, and he cursed the heavens.

you were wearing a thin, nearly see-through crop top that had clung to your skin in the rain. megumi swallowed hard and looked away immediately, his jaw tightening as he tried to stay composed. okay, this is normal. i’m a teenage boy too, he thought, though the pink flush creeping up his face betrayed him.

he was thankful, at least, that you were completely oblivious. thank god, he thought.

"cover up, you idiot," megumi said, his tone sharper than intended, but his voice still flustered.

"huh?" you asked, tilting your head in confusion, still unaware of the situation. megumi sighed, grumbling under his breath. why can’t she just read the room? he thought.

he swung his bag off his shoulder and tossed it to you. "here, use this. just—cover up."

you did as he said, though you still seemed confused. megumi let out another sigh, shrugged off his jacket, and draped it over both of you, shielding you from the rain.

you smiled up at him then—a bright, genuine smile. it was the kind of smile that could probably make any guy melt. but megumi wasn’t any guy. at least, that’s what he told himself.

until now.

seeing that smile made his cheeks flush even deeper, and he had to look away, cursing under his breath. damn. just hormones. nothing else, he told himself, trying to stay rational.

but then another thought slipped in, unbidden. why does she have to look so adorable... and hot? at the same time? he frowned, questioning his sanity.

fuck fuck fuck.

best friends. just best friends, he repeated to himself like a mantra, desperate to believe it.

but the truth was harder to ignore now. this was the third time something about you had struck a chord deep inside him.

megumi wished he was better at lying to himself.

after a while of waiting, you got into a taxi with megumi. "so, we’ll just head home now?" he asked, glancing at you. you nodded but hesitated for a moment before speaking.

"yeah, about that… my parents are out of town, and i-i was gonna be alone, so i wondered if i could bunk with you tonight? for old times’ sake?" you asked, your voice unsure but hopeful.

for old times’ sake? sure. but for his own sanity’s sake? absolutely not, megumi thought.

"yeah, works," he said, trying to sound casual. but deep down, he knew this was going to test every ounce of self-control he had.

the ride to his house was short, and as you sat in silence, you started reflecting on how the night had turned out. it had been such a mess, yet here you were, feeling strangely okay.

you glanced at your phone, which was still on do not disturb, and weren’t surprised to see 13 missed calls from asahi. you shrugged and sighed, shaking your head. none of that mattered now.

no one was home at megumi’s place either. the realization that you were both alone together made your stomach twist and turn, though you didn’t quite understand why. his sister, tsumiki, had a school function and was out of town as well.

"well, come in," megumi said, hanging the keys on the rack. the sound of the keys jingling filled the otherwise quiet house as you took off your shoes and stepped inside.

the place felt so familiar, as it always had. you’d been coming here for the past twelve years of your life. it was like a second home.

the two of you headed upstairs to his bedroom. as expected, it was neat and tidy, just like megumi always kept it.

"i think you should take a bath and change into something..." he said, rummaging through his closet. after a moment, he pulled out a hoodie and a pair of shorts. "...there you go," he added, tossing them to you.

you caught the clothes and stared at them for a moment. and then it hit you. this is exactly like one of those cliché book plots, you thought. the one where the girl has no spare clothes, so the guy lends her his.

while you were lost in your thoughts, megumi was having his own internal struggle. how cute would she look in my clothes? the thought slipped into his mind before he could stop it, and his cheeks turned pink.

both of you glanced at each other briefly, the blush on your faces obvious, before quickly looking away. completely oblivious to what the other was thinking, you stood there, awkward and flustered, two idiots caught in your own spiraling thoughts.

not even god could save the two of you from this moment. as much as you both hated the idea of picturing each other together, neither of you could completely deny the thought anymore.

you had taken a bath and were now sitting on the edge of the bed, towel-drying your hair while waiting for megumi. that was when he walked out of the bathroom.

uh oh.

he wasn’t wearing a shirt—just a pair of shorts, with a towel slung lazily over his shoulders. you froze for a moment, and before you could stop yourself, you realized you were checking him out. great, just great, you thought, internally screaming.

he rubbed the towel through his hair, his raven-black locks spiking in every direction, just the way they always did. only now, for some reason, you couldn’t help but notice how much you wanted to run your hands through it.

your gaze drifted lower—bad idea.

his abs were exactly how you had imagined they’d be. toned, well-defined, and everything else you shouldn’t have been thinking about right now. his frame wasn’t bulky or overly muscular, but lean and athletic, which somehow made him look even hotter.

you felt a wave of embarrassment wash over you as you realized what you were doing. god, i’m disgusting. i’m a total freak, you thought, your cheeks burning.

still, no matter how hard you tried to look away, you couldn’t deny it. megumi looked… hot. and that was a problem you weren’t ready to face.

fuck it, am i in love with my bestfriend? you thought. ofcourse not, it's just some sort of a physical attraction that anyone my age would experience.

megumi glanced at you as you sat on the edge of the bed, still busy drying your hair. your damp strands clung to your face, droplets of water sliding down your skin. you weren’t even trying, but somehow you were driving him insane.

his mind short-circuited at that moment, and before he could think, he acted. something inside him snapped, or maybe it was always there, buried beneath layers of self-control. whatever it was, it was enough to make him forget himself.

he stood and walked over to you. you looked up at him, confused. "what?" you asked, your voice curious. "is there something—"

you didn’t get to finish. his hands were on you, pulling you close, and suddenly, his lips were on yours. your eyes widened in shock. megumi just kissed you.

but the real surprise wasn’t that—it was the fact that you didn’t pull away. instead, you kissed him back, meeting his lips with the same passion he gave you. this was your first kiss, and yet, it didn’t feel awkward or clumsy. no, it was perfect. megumi moved with a deliberate slowness, his lips guiding yours like he had done this a thousand times before.

you felt the bed beneath you as he gently pushed you down. his hand slid into yours, pinning it above your head, while the other rested firmly on your waist. everything about the moment felt intense, like the world outside had stopped spinning. you finally understood what those movie scenes meant when the girl’s problems melted away with the perfect kiss. because that’s exactly what was happening. everything—your heartbreak, your doubts—everything faded into nothing.

but then, reality hit you. no. i’m kissing my best friend.

you both pulled away at the same time, your breaths labored, your faces flushed. the realization of the position you were in hit megumi immediately—you, beneath him, your hair splayed out across the bed. and god, you looked good like that. stop, he told himself, forcing the thought away as he climbed off you, running a hand through his hair and fixing his shorts.

shit shit fucking hell you doof.

she’s going to think i’m a pervert, megumi thought, mortified. i messed up. i messed up big time.

on the other hand, your thoughts were spiraling in a completely different direction. oh no. i forced him into this. he didn’t even want this. you cursed at yourself, guilt weighing heavy on your chest.

the two of you sat on opposite sides of the bed, the silence stretching on for what felt like hours. ten minutes passed, the room filled with nothing but the sound of your breaths as both of you tried to make sense of what had just happened.

"i—" you both started at the same time before cutting yourselves off.

"no, you go first," you said in unison again, your eyes briefly meeting before you both looked away, cheeks burning.

megumi cleared his throat and started. "i… i didn’t mean to. i was just… you know…" his voice trailed off, unsure of how to explain himself.

you nodded quickly, even though you didn’t understand a thing. "y-yeah. me too. it was totally accidental, and i get it. i understand."

but neither of you did. not really.

the silence returned, this time even heavier than before.

"so, uh, yn… you take the bed, and i’ll go sleep on the couch downstairs," megumi said finally, his voice stiff, his eyes avoiding yours entirely.

"yeah, yeah, sure," you said, nodding like an idiot.

he grabbed a pillow and a blanket from his bed and headed for the door, his movements quick and deliberate. he didn’t even glance back at you as he closed the door behind him.

as soon as he was gone, you cursed at yourself, sinking back onto the bed. what the hell did i just do? this is going to be so awkward from now on. megumi probably hates me now.

you stood up and walked to the door, resting your back against it before sliding down to the floor. you hugged your knees to your chest, resting your head on them as your mind raced. he completely has no feelings for me. and i… i don’t have any for him either. right?

on the other side of the door, megumi was sitting in the exact same position as you, his back against the wood, his head buried in his hands.

what have i just done? am i out of my mind? he thought, guilt and frustration swirling inside him.

maybe you were both wrong. or maybe you weren’t.

(umm yeah so that's it i guess? i'm sorry but yeah. i love em though like who's gonna tell them erm..)

lmk if ya'll wanna get tagged for the second part which i'll publish prolly<3

[queenpiranhadon]

A/N: You all voted on this poll, and this poll, and this poll and after a LOT of voting ((again) again) , I wrote this for all of you :D Big thanks to both @zanarkandskylines and @a-had-matter for beta reading this- your support means the world to me😭 Here's my masterlist!

Warning(s): f!reader, Bakugou and reader are dating, meeting his parents for the first time, mentions of anxiety, reader’s a procrastination queen, Bakugou’s whipped lmao, characters might be a little ooc, Mitsuki loves reader loll, Masaru and reader are the real besties here though, mentions of getting married, Katsuki calls reader baby, slight cursing.

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Girlfriend!Reader

•───•°•❀•°•─── ʜɪꜱ ᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ, ɴᴏᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀꜱ ───•°•☁︎•°•──•

To say you were nervous was an understatement. 

A week prior, your loving boyfriend of 3 months had invited you to have dinner with him and his parents, as they “were up his ass to meet you” (his words, not yours). You giggled originally, finding amusement in his lament about his overbearing parents, but you knew he loved them from the lack of malice in his words. And yet, after an entire week, only now, three hours before Bakugou would come to pick you up, did the full realization of the situation hit you like a truck.

You were going to meet his parents. 

You flitted around your room, trying to find something to wear, your entire closet seemed repulsive to you now- nothing seemed right for the occasion. 

You groaned, your attention piquing when you see a text come in. Flopping down onto your bed, you pick your phone up, reading the message.

Katsu🧡💥: Oi, the old hag wanted me to let you know that she’s making curry. That okay for you?

You feel butterflies erupt in the pit of your stomach from his thoughtfulness, even though small gestures like this should seem normal to you now. It probably never would, the explosive male you had grown to love would never cease to get you flustered. 

You: Okay! Sounds great! I bet you get your cooking skills from her ;)

Katsu🧡💥: Shut up dummy

Katsu🧡💥: Have you picked something out to wear yet?

You deadpan, knowing he would scold you for procrastinating, but you sigh, there was no point in lying to him. Even over text, he would know if you were telling the truth or not. 

You: So about that... 

Katsu 🧡💥: Baby, they’re not going to think less of you based on your outfit. Plus, you could wear a damn cardboard box and you’d still look hot. They’ll love you, so quit your panicking. 

You feel your cheeks grow warm at the compliment, but Bakugou’s rough but caring words didn’t help your predicament. 

You: Thank you, Katsuki- but I seriously can’t find anything 😭 What do I do??

You can practically see his eyes rolling through the three dots that dance across the screen.

Katsu🧡💥: You’re lucky I know you so well- bought you a new sweater this morning. I’ll come over early and drop it off for you.

You: Katsuki thank you so much!!! You didn’t have to though...

Katsu🧡💥: Shut up dumbass, I’ll be there in 30 mins, go do what you gotta do in the meantime. 

You smile at that, warmth pooling in your heart as you set your phone down on the side table, standing up from your bed and grabbing a towel before heading to your bathroom to take a shower. 

***

Katsuki’s already there, waiting for you by your kitchen island, scrolling through his phone, before looking up at you with your hair wrapped in a towel to prevent it from dripping everywhere, along with another to clothe your body. 

You smile happily, giggling as his nose scrunches when you press your dewy skin against him in a hug.

“Oi, get off of me,” he grumbles “Yer still all wet.”

You giggle, knowing he doesn’t mean it when he encircles you in his arms, inhaling the scent of your body wash. He places a small kiss atop the crown of your head before, reaching behind him to grab the bag on his counter, handing it to you.

“Here baby, got yer sweater for ya.” he says, watching as your eyes light up after rummaging through the contents. 

You squeal happily, planting a kiss on his cheek before running back into your bedroom, knowing exactly what to pair with the article of clothing.

“Thanks Katsuki!! Give me like 30 minutes!” you chirp, before disappearing into your bedroom. 

He chuckled under his breath, and ran his fingers over the thin gold chain you bought for him for your “one-week-aversary" (your words, not his). Originally, he had scoffed at you, wondering why you would spend your money on him for something so trivial, but you just brushed it off, grinning saying “It’s not trivial Katsuki! This is my way of showing my love!” You were just so cute, he loved you so much it hurts, and yet you both had only been dating for a few months.

You were going to be the death of him, that’s for sure. 

***

After you got ready, you both got into the car, sitting in comfortable silence the entire way, other than the soft music that played from the aux cord. 

Katsuki could tell you were nervous, the way your fingers fiddled with the ribbon surrounding the chocolate you bought for his parents was a dead giveaway. 

And yet, he knew that nothing he would say would alleviate your stress, so he remained silent, knowing your worries would be gone as soon as the old hag got her claws on you. 

The car reaches to a stop in the driveway, and Katsuki almost wants to take out his phone and snap a picture as your eyes grow wide and your lips part by the sheer size of his house.

“Woah...” you breathe, in awe “ I knew your parents were successful, but you never told me they were rich.”

Katsuki flushes, exiting the car and opening the door for you. “S’nothin.” he says, averting his gaze from yours, as if he wasn’t imagining living in a nice house with you in the future. 

You interlock your fingers with his, relishing in the comfort of his calloused fingertips brushing over your knuckles, his hand squeezing yours as a final reassurance before bringing his hand up to aggressively knock on the door. 

“OI HAG OPEN UP!” he yells, only for the door to swing open, revealing a beautiful woman with a striking resemblance to the man next to you. 

“Katsuki Bakugou yell like that one more time and I will-” the woman, who you assume to be Katsuki’s mother, notices you then, all anger directed towards her son melting away once she sets her eyes on you. 

Her scarlet eyes sparkled as they looked over you once over in approval, rushing towards you with a big grin on her face and enveloping you in a crushing hug. You let out a squeak in surprise, but giggled, reciprocating it immediately. Your worries were gone in an instant, just as Katsuki had predicted. 

“Ah, where are my manners! Call me Mitsuki, I’m the brat’s mother.” she says warmly, much to Katsuki’s disdain as he objects to the nickname; Mitsuki ignores him as if he wasn’t there though. 

You laugh at your pouty boyfriend’s reaction and give her your name, smiling back at her like she was an old friend. 

“Masaru! She’s here~!” Mitsuki practically sings, clutching onto your arm, leading you into the kitchen with Katsuki trailing behind like a lost puppy. 

She turns to you again. “So glad you’re here dear, the brat needs someone to keep his head out of his ass.” she says, rolling her eyes for emphasis. 

You snort at that, completely at ease as Mitsuki treats you like the daughter she never had.

You see a timid man in the kitchen, who is most likely Masaru, Katsuki’s dad. 

You both greet each other, the brunette man much calmer than his wife, and he smiles at you and squeezes your shoulder as an awkward show of affection. While you two converse, however, Katsuki is already at war with his mother, both Masaru and yourself just stand by the island silent; you both know the drill. 

“SHUT UP YA OLD HAG- STOP SMOTHERING MY GIRLFRIEND!” Katsuki yells.

“DON’T TALK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT KATSUKI, YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT GIRL IS AN ANGEL FOR STICKING WITH THAT BRATTY ASS OF YOURS.” Mitsuki retorts, irate. 

You and Masaru look at each other, the latter mouthing to you if you wanted to help set the table, to which you nodded vehemently, unsure of what to do as the angry blonde duo continue to yell at each other. 

Setting the table, you and Masaru trade stories of how you’ve both had to wrangle your respective partners to make sure they didn’t murder anyone, the both of you breaking into laughter as he recounts a story of how he once had to physically pick up his wife by the waist and haul her out of an ice cream store because they messed up his order. 

You thought it was completely adorable, seeing how much Katsuki took after Mitsuki, telling Masaru of a similar story of when you and Katsuki went to a carnival, and you got scammed during one of the games. 

Eventually the two blondes calmed down, joining you and Masaru in the dining room, where the food was all plated and ready to be eaten. 

Midway through the conversation, you feel Katsuki’s hand slide over to squeeze yours under the table, a small gesture that you knew meant I told you so.

You refrain from rolling your eyes, enjoying the company of the Bakugous. The night seemed to drag on for ages (his words, not yours), and you found yourself blending in seamlessly in with Katsuki’s parents. And though he would never admit it, it warmed his heart to see someone he loved so much get along so well with his family. Things were going smoothly, until something Mitsuki says catches you off guard. 

“So, when are you going to put a ring on her finger, huh brat?”

[mind-intheclouds342]

Do it for them - Co-captain reader x Curly (Mouthwash)

Part 1

(This gonna be a mini serie)

"What do you mean I can't see him? It's my husband we're talking about."

You crossed your arms but tried to maintain a relaxed posture, you didn't want to get defensive, you knew well that Anya wasn't the one to blame, you were just too anxious after that crash.

Anya: "I'm so sorry (Y/n), but the captain himself has told me that he doesn't want you to see him... He doesn't feel capable of seeing you in the state he is"

"Oh, I understand now. But you know that if he is incapacitated to perform his tasks and give instructions, then that makes me the captain."

You said firmly, putting your hands on your waist and puffing your chest, making the woman feeling so little. 

Anya: "I know, but he... Give him time, please... He is in pain."

"Anya please- it's been a week already. I need to see him" 

You ran your hand over your face, pressing your brow for a few seconds, trying to relax. 

You had been working with Curly as her co-captain for years, and less than a year ago, you had even gotten married.

Many questioned your position since they said that in case you had to be promoted to captain if something happened to Curly, your judgment would be influenced by your husband. 

You weren't going to give them rigth to keep saying that. You worked too hard for that and you now that the situation has come up you will show them.

"You are right, the captain's last orders must be respected, but please, tell me if at any moment he feel ready to see me." 

You took the woman's hands firmly, almost pleadingly, to which she nodded. 

You needed to stay calm to keep everything in order on the ship. 

"The cockpit is completely destroyed... the corridor to it was automatically sealed with safety foam so that space wouldn't absorb us, we are floating aimlessly, and we don't have a radio to call for rescue..."

You murmured while attentively examining the ship's blueprints along with Swansea and Daisuke. 

"Are the suits still available?" 

Swansea: "The room where they are stored has foam that has sealed the door, but it is not a very thick layer."

"Then I'll use one and exit through the hatch to check the cockpit damage, maybe there's something that can still work."

Daisuke: "Woah... The covkpit was blown up... It's a miracle that the explosion allowed the captain to reach the corridor before it was sealed with foam, otherwise he would be floating in the-"

He fell silent when he saw Swansea's look, gesturing towards you. 

"Yes... the truth is that it was a miracle that he's still alive, I'm grateful for it... Let's stick to the plan."

You stood up, ready to go to the room where the spacesuits were.

At that moment, Swansea took the opportunity to hit Daisuke on the head. 

After managing to get in and take the suit, you headed to the exit room, equipped yourself before leaving through the hatch. 

You observed in detail the void around you, a dark sea full of stars and debris floating around you. 

You held on to the ship, trying to reach the cockpit.

Swansea: "(T/n), can you hear me? Can you see anything?"

You smiled upon realizing that the suit communicator was intact, happy to feel that you weren't alone on that walk. 

"Loud and clear Swansea, I'm approaching the cockpit, the foam has spread outside the ship, it seems that it has prevented the fire from spreading."

You responded and went down to the cockpit, there was almost nothing, the only thing found there was the floor and half of the control panel. 

You sighed in resignation upon seeing that there was nothing salvageable left, everything too broken and burned. 

Until you got scared when something hit your helmet. 

Swansea: "All good?? Your pulse has accelerated too much."

"Yeah... I'm sorry... Something scared me."

You mentioned seeing Curly's ring floating near you, and soon you took it before it drifted away and kept it. 

You returned to the ship and took off the suit, and upon seeing Swansea, you shook your head, assuring him that there was nothing there that you can use to get out of there.  

Daisuke: "How did it feel to be in space??"

Swansea: "Child!"

"No, no, it's fine Swansea," you raised your hand, interrupting the man before he could scold the boy. "You never get used to that feeling, I've gone out many times for different reasons but each one is unique."

Daisuke: "Did you see an alien?? Was that what scared you?"

"Oh yeah, it had enormous eyes and tentacles on its arms, giant and ponty teeth, ready to devour interns!"

You and Swansea started laughing when Daisuke hid behind the older one. 

When they stopped laughing, you looked at both of them with a smile. 

"We're going to find a way out of here, I promise you." 

Swansea: "Sure, captain," he nodded at your words. 

It felt so strange to finally be called that way, but you maintained your stance, nodding and leaving that place to head to the reserve depot. 

You started organizing the remaining food supplies, it seemed like they were going to have to ration a bit, so you began separating and counting everything to maintain an inventory. 

You locked the storage room with a key so there wouldn't be any food thefts. 

You rested your head against the door and sighed. 

You searched in your pocket and took out the ring you had found, noticing how it was slightly deformed by the heat and cold it had been exposed to, but it still retained its circular shape. 

You placed it on your ring finger, next to your wedding ring.

You were sure that his ring was way bigger than yours, but the explosion for sure make it smaller now for you to use it.

After looking at it for a while, you pressed your lips against the two rings. 

"We're going to get through this, no matter what it costs me."

[m-oddinsdottir]

COLD STEEL

the shadowsinger and the traitor .ˊˎ 🗡️

Azriel x Fem! Reader

Words: 2,674

Warnings: takes place in acowar so it may contain SPOILERS from previous books, archeron sister reader, use of a dagger, reader is tied up, angst, betrayal, no use of y/n, mating bond, fluff, images above do not depict reader’s appearance it’s just for aesthetic and I think that’s it

Summary: When your real intentions are discovered by the Inner Circle of the Night Court, you have to face the consequences. Your mate and the cold steel of Truth Teller.

A/N: friendly reminder that english isn’t my first language so please feel free to correct me <3 this is my first one shot for acotar so of course it had to be about azriel

Masterlist

•••

Gods, how did you end up in this situation? Wrists tied behind your back and a rope that served as a muzzle inside your mouth to prevent yourself from making any sound… Any sound that could mess up with your mate's closed-up mind.

No. You knew exactly why you were there. It was all your fault and because of what? A blinding desire for revenge? Or perhaps it was childish behavior that had made you reach out to the wrong person?

But you were young. Immature. Compared to all those creatures you had sworn once in your life to hate and that now your sister considered a family. They were centuries old, you were just turned twenty-one when it happened.

Twenty-one before your mortality had been taken away from you, in front of your eyes, while you were slowly sunk inside that turbid water of what they had called "The Caldroun"... A powerful source of magic, creator of the world known and theft of yours and your sisters' mortality.

But as theft, as The Cauldron was, it was also generous. So it gifted powerful abilities that seemed to differ from others in that magical end of The Wall.

As a mortal, your impulsivity sometimes took a thick control over your logical sense. And when you were turned High Fae, that only increased. The process of adaptation was hard. You could hear, see, and feel everything. Everything you had ignored before. And the desperation of not knowing how to stop it made you act.

And the King of Hybern was the only solution.

Or so you thought, less than a year as an immortal and you had already made your biggest mistake. He promised he would help you with the emerging powers. You believed him. He swore that if you desired it, he would return your mortality. You believed him. He convinced you it was all Feyre's fault. You believed him.

And the only requirement? You would become his spy. All you had to do was watch and tell. And you stupidly agreed.

Easy job. You already hated all of them... It was their fault you had ended up being swallowed by the Cauldron and resurfaced as one of them. You just had to do as the King said, keep Nesta and Elain protected until the King would turn the three of you mortal again, and then... Then you would figure it out. It was easy, right?

It was easy knowing that you were working with the male who plotted to kill the sister who had saved you from starvation. Even easier witnessing the love they shared, the love of a family... A family bonded by the drawbacks of time and the burdens they had fought together.

Gods...

And it was even easier to betray the male who had silently been by your side, wanting to help and protect you without being invasive. His quiet and cold presence was even more reassuring than a gentle caress or a hug and before you realized, you desired to spend more time with him... Not only in silence.

When the bond snapped, it wasn't a surprise but a relief for Azriel to be able to call you his mate... On the other hand, for you, it was what changed everything.

You were trapped, being suffocated by the feeling of betrayal and consternation. And every time you slept by his side when you were in the comfort of being surrounded by him and him only, silent tears escaped your eyes.

Said eyes widened slightly when he entered the stance where you had been tied up. Azriel was silent, but not his usual comforting silence. The male that looked at you now was someone completely different from the male that held you through the nights, wings wrapped around your body to shield you from any harm.

Your eyes moved lower to his scarred hands, eyes closing tightly as you noticed that Azriel was gripping Truth Teller. The dagger's blade caught the only traces of light that filtered through the darkness of the room and your throat closed as the tears began to pool in your closed eyes, dropping down your cheeks into the muzzle.

Azriel didn't say a word as he approached you. He didn't even flinch when he saw your tears as he usually did every time you cried in front of him. No, he just moved to free you from the muzzle around your lips.

He was determined to make you talk. Your mate seemed willing to torture you until he got any valuable information out of you... Or, at least, an explanation.

Your heart ached at the thought and unconsciously your pain traveled through the bond making Azriel's breath hitch before he shook his head.

‘Azriel...’ You mumbled beggingly, your voice sounding strained with emotion. But not because of the muzzle, the rope around your wrists, or the thought of being tortured... Those were the least of your concerns as you observed the male before you.

He didn't answer. ‘Azriel, please...’ You tried again and he looked into your eyes, no emotions visible in his hazel irises. Almost as if he had shut them down. A sob escaped your lips. ‘Please, please... Just—’

Azriel interrupted you. ‘You are not going to trick me anymore.’

The coldness in his words made you fight against the ropes that were wrapped around your wrists. ‘I didn't—!’ Lie. You did trick everyone into thinking you were harmless. ‘Please, Azriel... I swear I—’

‘Were you forcefully compelled to work with Hybern?’

‘No, but—’

His firm voice interrupted you before you could try to justify yourself. ‘Did you not spy on us... On me and shared that information with Hybern?’

‘Azriel, please—’

‘Were you not condemning us to a certain death by sharing that information?’

A sob escaped your lips and you couldn't hold his gaze anymore, looking down at the ground before yelping when his scarred hands roughly held your chin and forced you to look at him. His fingers squeezing your cheeks.

‘Were you not condemning me to death?’ Azriel asked again.

‘I didn't know what else to do.’ You mumbled and then the cold steel of Truth Teller pressed against your trembling throat. Holding back the need to sob, your gaze locked with his.

‘And betraying your family and your mate was the best option?’

‘The bond hadn't snapped when I...’ Azriel pressed the blade closer to your throat but despite his threat, you noticed he was being gentle... The blade was raised upwards to prevent it from slicing your throat and even if he was gripping it tightly, the pressure against your neck was minimal.

You looked behind him and noticed how his own shadows were trying to move him away from you. The dark tendrils were trying to protect you.

‘Look. At. Me.’ He spoke coldly, fingers squeezing your cheeks again. ‘You still betrayed your sisters... And then betrayed me when you kept going.’

‘What did you expect me to do? To suddenly cut connections with Hybern? Yeah, that probably wouldn't raise suspicions, Azriel.’ You managed to mumble, a small frown of frustration over your features as you looked at him through the blur of your tear-filled eyes.

He held his breath as he analyzed you, his eyes scanning the tears that stained your cheeks and how your brows furrowed together. ‘You could have told me.’

‘And then what? The same damn situation we're dealing with now.’ His fingers around your chin squeezed tightly pulling you forward to him. His nose brushed against yours as breaths mingled together. Gods, his turmoil was so tangible that you could smell the inner fight he was struggling with.

He breathed in your scent. ‘I would have helped you... I would have understood you.’

‘Are you understanding me? Are you helping me?’

Azriel called your name in frustration before he roughly shoved your head back. Desperately needing to create some distance between you, he held your chin so that you couldn't lean in closer. ‘Don't say that as if that's not the only thing I long for. Help you, protect you, shield you.’

Hearing the desperation in his voice had you holding your breath. The guilt invades your lungs in a choking sensation instead of the so-desired oxygen. But that's what you deserved, after everything.

‘I...’ Your strained voice broke the silence as you finally looked into his eyes. ‘I just wanted my mortality back, Azriel...’ He sighed shakily before his hand holding Truth Teller moved down. ‘Everything's been so...’ Your voice broke and his other hand moved up to cup your cheek.

‘I know, I know...’ He mumbled and his eyes met you, the same warmth in which he usually held your gaze.

‘I didn't know what else to do... I was so furious with Feyre and I—... I just thought about bringing our mortality back.’ You admitted referring to your sisters before Azriel shushed you, the hand holding Truth Tuller moving down to cut the ropes that held your shoulders to the pole so that at least you could rest your weight against him. However, he kept the ropes around your wrists and legs.

When your head gently hit his shoulder resting against him, his hand moved up to cup the back of your head. Whispering sweet words to reassure you as he held you in his arms, trying to silence your tears as he brushed his lips along your temple.

‘If I could go back, I swear I'll do it... I—’ You trailed off when he began massaging your scalp bringing a sense of calm to your trembling body. ‘Ever since the bond snapped, I've been giving him confusing information. Half-lies... Or entirely nothing. I swear...’

‘I know, baby, I know.’

His words made you nuzzle your nose more against his shoulder. ‘Please, you have to believe me... Please.’

His hand over your cheek pulled you back so you could look into his hazel eyes. Gods, those irises... You could sink into them and get lost in that pool of golden brown. And you would do it willingly. They were your anchor. He was your anchor. Your strength and your liability, both at the same time.

‘I believe you.’ Azriel assured you. Then, the strength of your bond hit you so hard that it caught your breath away. The golden thread looked tangible as it swirled as a bridge between your souls and there you could feel his honesty and concern.

‘I don't know what to do.’ You confessed in a shaky whisper and he rested his forehead against yours. ‘Gods, please hate me. It's way easier than this... Hate me, Az...’ You begged him.

Azriel shook his head before his lips pressed a gentle kiss against your forehead. Rejoicing the feeling, a soft sigh escaped your lips. ‘I don't hate you. I could never hate you.’

‘You should.’

‘I don't want to,’ Azriel repeated before he gently called your name. The word rolled off his tongue with a soothing tone to it. ‘I don't hate you, baby... And neither does Feyre, nor either of the others.’

When a small sob escaped your lips, his dagger swiftly cut the rope that held your arms and wrists and you were able to wrap your arms around him in a tight embrace.

Finally.

Your torso was pressed against his, the soft flesh in your body caressing the hardness of the centuries-trained muscles over his chest and abdomen. Azriel immediately encircled your waist. He needed this. To feel you closer. To know you weren't a threat.

‘No one hates you.’ He assured you gently ‘Elain... She saw your intentions through one of her... Visions,’ Azriel's face contorted into discomfort at the thought of your younger sister having such a powerful ability that she didn't know how to control ‘She defended you and I... I wanted to see it for myself, see that you... That you at least had some regret.’

He loathed the thought of what he had planned to do before entering that room.

‘I wanted to torture you until you would give me something... Anything.’ Azriel admitted and you felt his pain and self-hatred through the bond. ‘But I... Seeing you like this, I can't— I don't...’ His grip on you tightened.

‘Azriel...’ You mumbled but he interrupted you.

‘I know you regret it.’ The Shadowsinger mumbled and his dark tendrils roamed down to free you from the rope around your legs. The minute you were free you wrapped one leg around him bringing the male closer to you. ‘Now I see it.’

You two fell into a comfortable silence. He brought you comfort and so did you to him. It was as simple as that.

‘If I hadn't felt any regret...’ You began gently only stopping for a second when the male growled. His chest vibrated roughly, so you placed one hand over the hard tattooed flesh. ‘Would you have done it? Torture me?’

The Ilyrian male froze under the weight of your question. Was that what you believed of him? Did you think he would do you any harm? The mere idea made Azriel want to go through every single torture himself.

‘No.’ He spoke firmly and his eyes met yours again when he pulled away. ‘No. Never...’ Azriel shook his head and then it seemed as if something broke inside him. ‘Never... never...’

He repeated over and over again as he slowly closed the distance between your lips. Lazily, his lips crashed against yours tasting the saltiness of your lips. ‘Never...’ He repeated over your lips. ‘Don't ever suggest it again.’ Azriel mumbled with pain.

His hand moved up to tangle around your hair as he kissed you again, this time it was messier... The male was shaking as he captured your lips with his and he gently pulled away when you choked one of your sobs against his mouth, more tears silently falling and making the kiss even messier if it was possible. A small frown adorned his face as he pulled you closer by the waist after backing away.

‘What can I do?’ You asked, voice strained and tears falling down your cheek until they would wet the dark fabric of his shirt. ‘Please, Azriel, what can I do to amend it?’

His sigh was warm against the skin of your neck and his lips pressed a gentle kiss against the sensitive skin provoking a shiver that ran down your spine. ‘Nothing. You don't need to do anything...’

‘I do.’ You insisted and he shook his head, burying his nose even more into the crook of your neck.

‘You don't.’

‘Azriel...’

‘I... Cassian may have said something earlier that could not be a terrible idea.’ Azriel mumbled against your skin before he moved backward to look into your eyes and seeing your raised brow he sighed. ‘But I don't want you to get in danger just to...’

‘Just to make it up for you? Enough reason.’ You whispered, chin tilted backward to brush your lips against his. ‘I am capable of making my own decisions, Azriel.’

His small grin widened as he answered, ‘I know that,’ when your lips pressed against his in small, gentle pecks. Yet, he couldn't help but keep talking. ‘This shouldn't be allowed… You're compelling me with your kisses.’

‘Am I now? What a shame... Poor Spymaster can't handle some kisses?’

The moment he confessed, ‘Not when they're yours,’ you couldn't help but stifle a giggle. You paused your kisses and instead nestled your nose against his, savoring the intimacy of the moment.

‘Please, Azriel... Just tell me what I can do.’

He groaned under his breath when your presence clouded his thoughts. ‘Cassian mentioned that you could gather information for us… Misinform Hybern and extract intel from him.’

Your brow raised with interest.

‘Perhaps I could teach you the art of espionage, my mate... Be one of my spies… What do you think?’ Azriel mused, his gaze penetrating as he locked his gaze with yours.

Oh, how the tables had turned on Hybern.

[just-some-random-blogger]

Seeing Green

Gwayne had enough of you and declared he would not be accompanying you on your travels to the town ever again. How glad you were to know Harwin would in his stead.

bodyguard!Gwayne Hightower x Lannister!Reader x Harwin Strong | 2k+ | cw: fem!reader, enemies to lovers, forced proximity ig, im just a girl!reader, angst?, jealousy, typos, etc.

A/N: this is a p2 to seeing red but you dont have to read it to understand whats happening. I have made a next part!

Tagging: @lancedoncrimsonwings @targs-on-zorses @barbieaemond @arabellasleopardcoat

"GWAYNE!" I stick my head out of the carriage window. I scoff as I watch the armored man walk off, "you can not be serious!"

"Serious?!" he snaps, turning back to me with a raised brow and a tense jaw. He rubs his lips as he storms back towards me. His glare is so grave that I actually lean back into my seat and clench my skirt.

Gwayne stomps his foot on one of the steps up the carriage. A line forms between his brows, "you have WORN me!"

I grow tense as flails his hand around.

"I have done nothing but exact your cumbersome and frivolous commands with patience!" He snaps, "and now that I've met my limit yet you have the gall to ask me if I am being serious!?!"

Gwayne's eyes are wide and clearer than the skies. His pointed stare is piercing and I cannot deflect it as he speaks to me of my unreasonableness. Admittedly, my requests were some meant to annoy him, but I did not expect him to act so acridly. I mean, surely he was accustomed to it by now. Was I truly becoming too much to bear for him?

His face is flushed with rage. I stare at him, unable to speak, for in truth I did not know how to meet his apparently genuine frustration.

"Oh," he scoffs, chuckles bubbling out his throat, "she does not speak, for there is nothing else true to say." He grips the carriage door, "what? Have you realized you do work me worse than your own employed servants? That you ask of me more than what I am required of?"

"But it is my right!" I pipe up, though my voice is still small, "you must accompany me wherever I so wander."

Gwayne's jaw feathers, "I am tasked to protect you from peril and to prevent you from doing the unwise," he steps back, "not to carry your clothes and hang them in your wardrobes!"

I stare at him, dread building in my stomach.

"What?!" he quips, "do you truly not see the brunt of my frustrations?"

"... I do not think it unreasonable to-" I gaps when he closes the door with unnecessary force before storming away.

In truth, the gesture was harsher than it needed to be and bothers me more than it should. There is a tightness to my chest as I slowly open the door and watch the man so readily forsake me. Against myself, my eyes begin to prick with tears.

"Gw-" I shut my mouth at the sound of my voice breaking. I chew my lower lip and take deep breaths to calm myself.

I did not mean to make him cross— not like that. I feel my throat tighten as I replay what just happened. Guilt eats at me more each second and soon salt cascades down my cheeks. I sit there until the coachman knocks and asks if we should away. I dismiss him and tell him I will stay here for a little while.

I don't. It feels like an hour passed of me trying not to cry, crying, and calming myself. I start when someone knocks on my carriage door.

"My Lady Lannister?" a deep voice speaks, making me wipe my face in a panic.

I try to stifle my sniffle and use my skirt to dry my tears.

"Tis Ser Harwin Strong. You cannot leave your carriage here."

I clear my throat, but my voice still betrays me with a crack, "ap-ologies. I will have it m-" but my coachman is not here. I sigh and stare at my lap. My lips wobble as helplessness creeps up on me.

A prolonged moment of silence ensues before the man outside speaks again, "my lady... are you well?"

I huff and concede to simply opening the door.

I wipe my philtrum on my sleeve and feel twice as dreadful as I see the dark haired and bearded man outside my carriage. He is a beauty. His blue eyes narrow in concern, "my lady."

I shake my head and gather my skirts.

He instinctively reaches out a hand to me and assists me as I exit my ride. Once I am stood before him, I realize just how tall and broad he is. His brows tighten as he releases my hand. I offer him a smile, "I beg your pardon for the inconvenience. I do not have anyone to move the carriage."

Ser Harwin shakes his head, "one of the stable boys can move it." He turns over his shoulder and hollers for someone to do just that. A boy approaches us, nodding politely before climbing up the driver's seat to do what was instructed of him.

My stomach rolls when the towering man looks back at me. His demeanor is starkly juxtaposed to his stature. He ghosts a hand on my shoulder and raises an arm. He leads me off to the side and speaks softly, "is there anything I can assist you with, my lady?"

I shake my head, "I am well."

He nods and clutches his hands once we find ourselves standing just by the entrance of the Keep, "forgive me, but as a guard of the City Watch, it is my duty to uphold justice. I cannot stand idle in the face of trickery."

My brows quirk at his words. I tilt my head, "do you call me a liar, ser?"

"Yes," he answers simply.

My lips part as his brazen admission.

"True, it is not uncommon for one to weep with joy, but I recognize the distress laid upon your brow," he shakes his head, "would it not be simpler for you to say you require nothing of me than to pretend you are well?"

His words make me choke. I feel my eyes begin to fog with tears.

Ser Harwin's face falls. He raises his hands, "forgive me. I only meant-"

"No," I mumble, "you are right. I injure myself! I speak before I think and create inconveniences for entertainment." I scratch my tears away before they can fall. I look up to the man, feeling dread bite at me. I resist my instinct to slip further into my emotions and try to speak as evenly as possible, "the truth is... I had a... disagreement with my ward... we always get into disagreements, but... this time it was visceral."

The man shifts on his leg, "might I ask what the disagreement was over?"

"He says I work him like a dog, that I ask much more than what he ought to do," I sniffle, "and... perhaps it is true," I evade his gaze by turning to the sky. My lips quiver, "but I did not realize my presence was so heavily insufferable." I look back at him, "I am easy on the eyes, am I not?"

The man chuckles softly, "your features are quite comely indeed, Lady Lannister."

I nod once, "that is the only correct response, ser."

A rich chuckle fills the space between us. He hums and raises a hand, "have you expressed your orders were mere reasons to keep his company?"

My expression drops at his words. I laugh but it goes dry when I realize he spoke no jest. "Ser, my ward is Gwayne Hightower. He loathes me just as I loathe him."

"And do you normally weep for your enemies?" he tilts his head.

"I weep because he regards me so cruelly!" I snap in defense, "it is most twisted for one as he to raise his voice and show aggression to one such as I!"

Ser Harwin sighs.

I wipe my philtrum, feeling my body tremble with a mix of emotions.

"What was this errand you needed to be chaperoned to?"

I gulp as I bring my hands to my hips. I debate the sincerity of his words and decide he does not have the face of a man who would use my words against me. I huff, "the tailor's. I was to have a new dress made for me for-"

His brows quirk at my abrupt halt.

I feel blood rush up my neck, but I decide to ignore it and speak with as much scorn as I could muster, "Gwayne's nameday celebration."

I observe him carefully, ready to pounce and pound him if he so wishes to berate me for the honest admission. In truth, I am taken aback by the curtness of his reply. He nods and offers me an arm, "if it pleases you, I can accompany you to the tailor myself. I have finished my patrol and have nothing better to do."

My eyes dart from the curls framing his face to his meaty arm. My lips part as I find the words to say, "would you... rather not rest for the day?"

"My honor would not allow me after beholding a lady in her distress."

I stare at his arm for a few seconds and cautiously take it.

A good while passed until Gwayne returned to the stables to find his irritating lady. When he sees the Lannister carriage parked, he sighs and marches over, preparing himself to meet the rage of the woman that was still sitting inside in protest.

"Will you sleep-" he starts but stops when he opens the door to nothing. He raises a brow and closes the door. His attention falls on the passing servant, "you. Where is the lady of this carriage?"

The man looks at him then the carriage.

"Lady Lannister," Gwayne clarrifies.

He perks in recognition, "the lady Lannister and ser Strong headed to the tailor on horseback."

"On horseback," the knight scoffs in disbelief, "Lady Lannister?" his voice fades into a laugh. And he so enjoys himself laughing for a moment before sighing, "why, I applaud the good ser for his powers of persuasion."

Upon realizing that he no longer needed to be here, Gwayne grins and nods at him, "thank you my good man. Your news has made my day."

With that he walks off and heads to his quarters.

The next day, Gwayne has a spring to his step as he heads down the hall.

I am in the middle of having my hair fixed when I hear a knock on my door. I look at the reflection from the mirror before me, "come in."

I behold Gwayne and his grin as he struts towards my bed. He leaps into it, landing on his chest. He instructs one of my servants to get him a cup of wine. Each of these things would normally be cause to chew him up; all of these combined would make me unleash upon him the wrath due to his impertinence, and yet, I find myself uncaring of his blatant misbehavior. I merely instruct my servant to fetch the sapphire necklace that match my velvet dress and sit tight by my vanity.

Gwayne takes the wine that is served to him and sips before speaking out, "I hear Lord Harwin Strong was he who accompanied you to town yesterday."

I ignore him in lieu of twirling the baby hairs by my ears.

"And on horseback, no less," he takes another sip, "how ever did he get you to ride a horse by yourself?"

"I didn't," I turn to my servant who returns with my jewels, "we rode on the same horse."

Gwayne stills. He scrunches his face at the cup in his hand then looks at me, "what?"

I smile at myself on the mirror as the necklaces is clasped around my neck. I adjust the blue stone that sparkled between my collarbones and admire the look of it.

He sits up from the bed, careful not to spill his drink, "you rode the same horse?"

"Of course we rode the same horse," I roll my eyes, "he is not a fool who expects me to enjoy such sport."

The red haired man raises his brows. He waits for me to expound further, but finds I am distracted by my reflection. He scoffs, sipping again more before saying, "I pity the steed."

I grin at myself, pleased with my image.

"I pity the steed," he repeats, "that had to carry a knight, a brat, and her hundred dresses."

My eyes dart to him. He is already looking at me from the mirror. "He did not ride with me on the way back. He is not cruel like you."

"So he walked?" his forehead curls, "and on the way back, no less." He scoffs once more before drinking again, "well, the tailor is not that far."

I inspect my attire one last time before standing and heading to the bed. Gwayne lifts his eyes; the corner of his lips soon follow. He shifts on his spot and drinks deeply.

"You are dismissed, Hightower."

He licks his lips as his brows furrow, "what?"

I tilt my head and clasp my hands together, "you do so love making sport of me repeating myself."

Gwayne pulls his head back before standing. He lifts his nearly empty cup, "are you saying you— you have no plans for the day?" He purses his lips, "no errands you wish to force upon my being."

I clench my teeth but manage to pull a smile. Gwayne finds such endearment in the forced grins, not that he would ever admit so. I nod in agreement.

"So," he holds his cup with both hands, "I am free to do what I will for the day."

"Even more so to do it as far away from me as possible," I raise my hands before walking towards him to push him out of my room.

The man chuckles as he finishes what is left of his wine. He manages to hand the empty cup to one of the servants just before we both step out of the room. He licks his lips and tilts his head at me.

The smile that spreads on his face makes my stomach roll and I combat it with a glare, "do not wait on me. I will be promenading with a friend."

"Promenade?" he chuckles. The lines on his cheek remain as he raises his brow. He looks me once over, eyes lingering on the sapphire on my décolletage, "and pray tell, who in the Keep has merited the friendship of someone so high-nosed as you?"

"Ser Harwin Strong."

His grin falters.

I do not care to wonder why as I walk off and meet the man I named in the gardens as we had arranged.

Gwayne watches. He is left alone in the corridor. He chuckles to himself and heads off to the library to unwind. The closer he inched to his destination however, the more sour the taste in his mouth became. Before he even comes near the library, he finds himself marching off to look for gods knows what he'll find.

And it seems the gods do want him to find the source of his sourness. As he marched down one stairwell, he heard an unmistakable sound of laughter that made his ears perk. He heads to the hall and looks out the window.

There, he sees a man stood in front of a woman sat upon a bench, both of them giggling and both of them in blue. His eye twitches as the dark haired fool carelessly picks a flower from a bush and offers it to her.

Gwayne finds no relief when she does not take it, for instead it seems she instructed him to place the flower on the side of her hair.

"Ha," he scoffs, pulling away from the window, "promenade, says she? Ha!" Gwayne shakes his head as his feet take him back towards the library, "neither of them are walking. HA!"

Gwayne cannot help the way his hands clench and unclench as he storms off. He scoffs once again, "fucking Strong," the ire in his chest is molten, prickly, and painful as he adds, "fucking Lannister."

[illbewritinghere]

Thoughts on Still Wakes the Deep

On the surface, Still Wakes the Deep is a horror game about surviving a Lovecraftian entity. Underneath, it speaks the story of Caz, who is striving to make amends with his family yet continually falling short.

SPOILER AHEAD

The events take place in an oil rig in the late 70s. An unfortunate incident happens where the oil rig drills into something unfamiliar. They accidentally released an entity which slowly starts taking over the oil rig. Crewmates who came in contact with the entity turned into grotesque lumps of meat hellbent into consuming others. The scariest part is that even though the consumed crewmates appeared dead, they still have parts of their consciousness intact. They called out to their fellow crewmates for help while brutally killing them.

Caz seems to be a very lucky soul as he managed to survive this onslaught. He got in touch with the remaining survivors and no matter how much they tried to escape, all their plans failed. Eventually, Caz began to lose his grip on sanity, he started hearing his wife speak to him. Events from the past, some real and some imaginary, echoed in his mind. Caz knew these voices were all in his head, and that the entity was gradually taking over his sanity.

Towards the end Caz realized escape was no longer an option. To prevent the entity from reaching shore, he had to destroy the rig, even if it meant sacrificing his own life. He would never see his family again, yet he knew this was the sacrifice he needed to keep them safe.

In the end, he blows up the oil rig taking himself and the entity with him. Whatever happened on the oil rig remained a mystery to the world. The news would report an unfortunate accident, but the world would never know the truth.

The game started with him trying to be the better man but failing. It ended with him making the right choice, despite knowing it would cost him the chance to ever see his family again.

I absolutely loved the story. People compare this game to John Carpenter's The Thing but to me it felt more like Annihilation. We never got to know what the entity was, what was its intention, why it transformed people into grotesque lumps of meat. Some things are beyond our understanding. The concept of why is very human, some things do not have a why, they just are.

[art]

Meet the Artist: @joshualunacreations

Hi, I’m Joshua and I’m a professional comic book writer and artist. I co-created three series at Image comics: Ultra, Girls, and The Sword. After I went solo with my Image series Whispers, I started making online comic strips exploring my Filipino/Asian American identity and experiences. What began as a side project and organic outlet to process my thoughts and feelings turned into a seven-year journey that continues to this day. The more I write and draw, the more I realize I have to say—especially with the sharp increase in anti-Asian violence against AAPI and the institutional censorship that prevents us from addressing it adequately. I was told by my publisher that I wasn’t talking about AAPI issues in the “right way” because I tackle difficult, complex, and painful truths about Asian America. Despite these barriers, I’m determined to collect these strips into a book and publish them as Americanizasian. In the meantime, you can follow and share my work online and support me by pledging to my Patreon or donating to my PayPal. Happy APAHM!

Pleased to meet you, Joshua! He has shared some of his comics below for you all.

Check out more of Joshua’s artworks over at his Tumblr, @joshualunacreations!

-

We are highlighting some of Tumblr’s talented artists of Asian descent all month as part of Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month!

[skufdaddyswansea]

Jimmy and Swansea at Their Worst

The crash of the Tulpar sees Jimmy thrust into a leadership role for which he was hopelessly unprepared, and in the months that follow, his chain of poor decisions leads to dire consequences for all those aboard, himself included. But he wasn't alone in that marathon to rock bottom. If we follow his footsteps downward, we'll find Swansea's right there next to his.

At the surface level, the two already have a lot in common. They're both brash to the point of rudeness, openly dissatisfied with their lives, and have short fuses.

Notably, Swansea can also be overly critical of Anya.

...But, to be fair to him, he's like that with everyone.

When they really start to converge is after the crash. Looking at Swansea's relationship with Daisuke, it's almost a microcosm of Jimmy's relationship with the crew. While he initially makes an effort to do the right thing, he inevitably gives in to his worst impulses and fails. In Swansea's case, he falls off the wagon. This may look like only a personal weakness, especially compared to Jimmy's more outwardly destructive behaviour. But in his position, even the harm he does to himself reflects outward.

Daisuke is the only other member of the Tulpar that we see "indulging" in the mouthwash. Swansea has no idea that he's sprawled on the floor, sick on dental hygiene products, devoid of his characteristic cheer. If he did know, what could he even say? After all, Daisuke was only following his example.

Later on, Swansea's alcoholism prevents him from protecting Daisuke in a much more literal sense.

All his secrecy and isolation were for nothing.

One of the major reasons he withdrew from Daisuke was because Daisuke was much too naive to hide the cryopods from the others; he probably never would have accepted that everyone else would have to die for him to survive. Swansea took extreme measures to guard the Utility room from Jimmy, all to protect Daisuke. But in doing so, he gave Jimmy the perfect opportunity to take advantage of those very traits he wanted to protect.

In this moment, both Swansea and Jimmy fail Daisuke. They both let their weakness blind themselves to danger. And they both realize their mistakes far too late to save anyone.

But it's through this ugly truth that Swansea is able to break off from their path. With the last of his hope gone, he can do what Jimmy can't: he accepts it. And he does what he knows is right, even if it breaks him to do so.

I think Swansea also sees some part of himself in Jimmy. Maybe even what he could have been if he didn't fight so hard against his demons. That's why in his final act, he tries one last time to get through to him. It was too late to make things right with his kids, or for Daisuke. Or even himself.

Of course, he knew it was futile. Jimmy was never going to listen. Because what really set them apart in the end was irreconcilable; the gulf between them was shaped by their ideals.

Swansea wanted to be a better man. Jimmy wanted to be a hero.

[alexiethymia]

MaoMao's Way of Affection

[spoilers up until LN 12 and WN 10 so read at your own risk]

After such a long time, we finally get a hint of reciprocation when even without orders or prompting, it's MaoMao herself who seeks out Jinshi after the harrowing ordeal she went through.

I'm not sure how the WN will differ from the LN but her words with how she describes Jinshi's arms around her, "heavy but not immoveable" and Jinshi asking her to make him let her go and eventually opting not such that she ends up falling asleep in his arms actually perfectly describes their relationship.

Despite their problems, I do adore this relationship. On the one hand, you have Jinshi who ends up falling for someone who cares not a whit for his appearance. MaoMao is actually the perfect person for Jinshi to fall in love with because of his complex. Should he succeed, he can be assured that his looks had nothing to do with it. For the first time in his life, Jinshi can fight for something with his own above average, but not excellent capabilities.

And tropey as it is, I think MaoMao does have a soft spot for that slightly pathetic part of Jinshi. Honestly, to compare him to the person she respects most in the whole world? A daddy's girl through and through. In other words, MaoMao, even as she denies it, is not impenetrable to that earnest side of Jinshi and because of that, even as she might snark and say she's just following orders, she can't help but be his support - a useful tool rather than a useless burden.

I love how the both of them mature and progress and how the relationship reflects that. As compared to that forceful scene back in LN5, it's actually this innocent scene that cements the progress they've made and that they're slowly meeting each other halfway. Jinshi tries to restrain himself, and MaoMao, thanks to Chue, slowly stops trying to hide behind that convenient excuse.

Because the thing is, MaoMao is a hypocrite. In the same way, she rebukes Jinshi for not being clear, she also gets to hide behind vague half-truths. Why not say no once and for all? "I don't want to be your wife." Is it just because he's the Imperial Brother? Compare and contrast how she treats Grand Marshall Kan for example. And even if he is the Imperial Brother, MaoMao knows in her heart of hearts that Jinshi wouldn't ever punish her for rejecting him. She knows, after everything, that he just isn't that kind of person (the certainty that he wouldn't ever be involved in any assassination plots, the almost unconscious instinct to prevent something she knows Jinshi wouldn't want even if it might be for the good of the country or for her own safety as long as she plays dumb). I really do love how like Suiren, MaoMao is his ally. (No wonder mother-in-law Suiren approves.)

Isn't it more painful - for Jinshi - and more troublesome - for her - to continue to have this hanging between them? But MaoMao is only human. There are things she knows would be the best course of action as long as she operated solely on rationality, but unexpectedly, Jinshi - despite not knowing it - brings out that irrational part of her. She knows it would have been in her best interest (if her best interest truly was to escape the marriage) to just let Jinshi continue being vague, to not put a name to his intentions, she later realizes that this is Jinshi's own consideration for her, but her true emotions push forth. She knows it - what Jinshi feels for her, compares it to a lovestruck patron, so what gain does she get from hearing it verbalized out loud?

She struggles with his special consideration for her, the proof of deeper feelings, in his words and actions. I think she would be able to justify it in her mind and accept being his wife if she knew it was only because she was a useful tool. Because if so, then she could also justify it to herself that she was staying with him only because he was useful, that it was solely on the basis of reciprocity.

I mean the reality of the world they live in is that it's not a place to cultivate love. Marriages are political more often than not. Within MaoMao's way of looking at things, a marriage of convenience might have been more palatable. For Jinshi's part, I can see him being ready to accept that even if MaoMao does accept his proposal, she would marry him while not being in love with him. On the flip side, I think part of his strong motivation to break away from the Imperial family would be to remove, without a doubt, from MaoMao's mind that she would be punished for rejecting him since he would no longer have that power. In other words, part of Jinshi is ready for MaoMao to reject him but he wants it to be solely her choice. In other words, he would also want her to give it to him straight just like she demanded he do for her.

Speaking of special consideration, it is hard to say whether MaoMao's actions towards Jinshi are those she would do for any other patient (since she's actually softer than she gives herself credit for), but the things she does without orders are telling - like stroking his hair while putting him to sleep, kissing his cheek, ingesting something she knows she's allergic to without his knowledge for a plan to sniff out his enemies (pity this didn't make it to the LN), getting mad that his accomplishments were getting stolen from him despite him not caring about it, and glaringly - attempting to break a taboo the person she respects most in the world imposed on her, just so she can better take care of Jinshi. For all that MaoMao is comfortable in her place in the world and doesn't want to venture out of her comfort zone, calling it too troublesome, she does exceed a lot of her limits - true because of that unexpectedly strong sense of duty - but also because of or for Jinshi.

MaoMao acknowledges to herself at this point that no other person besides Jinshi can give her the same comfort. She does want to have a child someday, if only for the experience of giving birth. It may not be a burning passion, this may not be enough for her to call it love, but I can also see a scenario where she accepts Jinshi because he's the only one she would be comfortable with so that she can give birth. In other words, another convenient excuse. But conversely, even after succeeding in having MaoMao for a wife, I can see Jinshi still pushing because for once in his life he can fight his hardest and win or fail on his own merits and no one else's, and also simply put, he loves her and so he would want her to love him back. Even if it isn't the norm in the world they live in. He'd still want to continue fighting for that elusive flower. A perfect push and pull. In other words, it's up to them how they decide to meet each other half way. And I'm excited to see what the future holds for them.

[night-night-stories-before-bed]

Throwing oil on the fire

Warning ⚠️; blood, mention of death sentence, huge spoilers for Helluva Boss

Pairing; Satan/Prince!Male!Reader, Stolas & Prince!Male!Reader (Brothers)

Summary; As if the trial wasn't going badly enough, more oil is about to be thrown on the fire when it is revealed that Blitzø wounded you as well. You who weren't just a prince, but Satan’s boyfriend. Now Satan is even more angry.

~~~~~~

You stared at the screen, your eyes not leaving that damned little imp. You would recognize the worm anywhere even after so many years had passed. You won't forget the pain, the betrayal that he had caused you. Your talons sank into the leather of the chair and ripped it off when Blitzø denied stealing the grimoire, calling it a book.

A book.

It was so much more than that. It was the reason you were thrown out of your own home and forgotten by your father. Because it wasn't the first time Blitzø had went after a Goetia’s grimoire, you knew because he once stole yours. Well, Stolas gave it to him.

You could still remember pleading to your father that you hadn't lost it, how it had been stolen. But Stolas had defended that damned imp over you, his brother, his blood. Everyone thought of you as a liar when you were not.

Then Stolas had dared give you back your book once your father had kicked you out of the house and sent you away.

How many nights had you cried and written to your father, trying to convince him you were telling the truth? But he never wrote back and to this day you never saw him again. You had cursed Stolas’ name, wished the worst of faith on him and laughed when you learned he was betrothed to a girl and tasked with having an heir.

For the first time, it had felt like justice, like maybe your father had finally believed you and was punishing him.

Stolas had tried keeping in contact with you, but you always burned his letters and never read them. Even when he dared show up at your place you would send him away, not once allowing him in. Stolas never understood, never realized he had lost you by choosing the imp.

He wasn't your brother anymore.

Just a traitor.

Sitting in the living room of your shared mansion, you looked at Satan on the screen. You saw Andrealphus appear and gesticulate as always. You never liked him or Stella, but until now you three had formed a good team to ruin and hurt Stolas. You were thankful for their discretion even tho they had no choices.

A single wrong step and you would kill them both.

You groaned when you saw Andrealphus calling upon Striker as a witness and rolled your eyes. How much money did the hitman cost this time? You preferred not think about it.

Fire erupted in your veins as you saw your brother appear on the screen. You hissed as he prevented Blitzø’s execution, protecting the imp as always, not caring about the consequences. It was too much, you couldn't take it any longer.

Some would call you over dramatic and others would say you were just like your boyfriend, but you didn't care. Cloaked in shadow and fire you made your apparition in the courtroom. You heard gasps and whispers when the fire disappeared and the shadows rolled off you.

The pendant of your necklace swung from left to right before resting flat against your chest, showing Satan’s sigil. You replaced your elegant clothes and chased away the ashes left by your apparition.

You locked eyes with Stolas. Shock and surprise twisted his face and you snared in disgust. Behind you, Satan leaned down, his hand taking yours and his thumb brushed your knuckles.

- “My devious cataclysm, what are you doing here?” He asked in a hushed whisper.

- “Why, my dear? I came to testify against the criminal imp and my brother.” You said, turning your gaze toward Satan as more gasps filled the room. “Do you remember when I told you about the imp that stole my grimoire when I was a child?”

- “Don’t tell me…” Satan growled, his eyes filling with rage as he stared at Stolas and Blitzø.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see your brother and Blitzø. The first looked heartbroken as if finally understanding the depth of your hatred for him. Never would you forgive his betrayal, his actions as he never saw shat he did wrong nor did he ever give you any form of excuse. Just acted as if nothing had happened.

The Imp seemed shocked, now recognizing you. It had been years but your feathers were still the same colour and so were your eyes. Besides, he hadn't stolen the grimoire of many princes; just you and Stolas. While he had avoided justice back then, Blitzø would have to face it now.

Satan growled, low as it rumbled his chest and he squeezed your hand. His burning breath tickled your feathers and you raised your free hand, stroking his muzzle with the back of your fingers. No words are needed but a simple touch for the Sin to calm down.

The room fell silent after that.

You turned your head, facing Stolas. You could see the pain and tears in his eyes, his hands slightly raised as if he were about to walk up to you. Pathetic.

- “Y/N… what…” Stolas began but you snarled, cutting him.

- “Did you believe I would allow you to play the same trick twice? You threw me under the bus once and it cost me everything and now you are once again coming to the defence of that imp?” You raised your voice, stepping forward, hand sliding out of Satan’s before you pointed your index toward Stolas. “Fool us once, shame on you; fool us twice, shame on us”

- “I… I never… Y/N, please! You don't...” Stolas begged, also stepping forward.

- “Enough Stolas!” You snapped, your powers swirling around you as the flames from the candles burned higher. “You are nothing but a shame! How can you stand there and still protect him? Have you learned nothing? He doesn't care about you, never did and never will! He was always just after our grimoires and money and you've been stupid enough to give it to him willingly.”

The ground shook under you as Satan stood. A shiver ran down your spine, but not of fear, as his shadow fell upon you. You heard his wings flap and his tail clack in the air like a whip before he walked, each step leaving a crater on the floor.

Everyone but you held their breath and you just crossed your arms. Stolas’ gaze left you and turned to your boyfriend. You could feel his anger filling the room, a single wrong word and he would explode in a fury. You expected it.

Hoped for it.

Maybe then Satan would tear apart Blitzø, torture him and gift you his severed head while your brother cried for his fucktoy. But no, it was too good, a daydream and not the reality. You still enjoyed the smell of fear coming from Stolas and Blitzø, a smirk on your lips.

It was good to be the winner for once. To watch Stolas be in your place, with no one listening to him.

Satan looked down at you, his golden eyes softening for a second.

- “Sit down at my place my fallen angel. We will hear your full testimony in a minute.” Satan said and turned his attention back to the couple.

You did as asked all eyes following you. The bottom of your cloak slid on the ground and then wrapped around you as you took place on his giant chair. Asmodeus and Bee looked at you and you could tell they were still in shock. While your relationship with Satan wasn't a secret, you were still more discreet than them and it was less scandalous.

You understood why they took Blitzø’s defence, themselves sleeping with the lowest class of Hell. They just needed to see the bigger picture here. It wasn't about a prince and an imp having a relationship, but the fact an imp was using a prince to do as he pleased and avoiding the consequences.

It wasn't about love. It was about making an example, showing that no matter what the law still applied to him regardless of his bond with Stolas. As for your brother… it was the same. He might be a Prince, but he wasn't above the law or repercussions for his acts.

Andrealphus had been awfully quiet, his gaze rarely leaving you. After all, you knew he had his talons on the attempt on Stolas’ life just like his sister and the proof that came with it since you had given him some help. But you didn't care about his fears as long as he didn't get in your way and did as you wished, you wouldn't reveal anything in court.

You would just have liked for him to keep you in touch about this plan of his, for now, you were in the dark.

Satan stopped walking and leaned down his face inches from Stolas and Blitzø. His yellow eyes judged them and you knew it without needing to see it. You knew the Sin better than anyone else after all. Just like you knew he was deciding the next steps. Hearing you alone then judge or having a full-on trial, which would last maybe for days.

- “I don't see why such an old event would have its place in this trial.” Asmodeus said, after looking at his phone. “It has nothing to do with the current events.”

- “It does since it will show a pattern.” You replied, crossing your legs before looking at the Sin of Lust. “Maybe we should invite your partner, that little imp of yours grew up with that Blitzø after all. Maybe he could bring some light onto his actions?”

You smirked as you saw a vast range of emotions play on Asmodeus’ face. He hadn't expected you to bring on Fizzarolli, but why not? If he wanted to defend Blitzø then his partner should be involved since he was the one knowing the accused.

- “Ah, but we can't be angry at him for not wanting to defend the one who caused him so much pain, right? I hope his burns doesn't hurt him anymore.” You added, tilting your head almost innocently.

Asmodeus frowned upon hearing you and Beelzebub looked at him worried. Mammon was laughing as if you had just delivered the joke of the century, his fat finger pointing mockingly at Asmodeus. It was a dangerous game you were playing with the Sins, but you couldn't let Asmodeus get away with helping Blitzø. Of all the imps and hounds of Hell, that damn criminal was the least deserving of his help.

- “He got you there!” Mammon said snickering.

But your conversation had caught Satan’s attention and now your boyfriend looked at you. His yellow eyes passed from you to Asmodeus then back at you. No words left your lips and you let him understand by himself.

Finally, Satan looked back at Blitzø and your brother, his decision made.

- “We will go on with listening to all the testimony may they be in your defence or against you. As for you Prince Stolas, you shall be judged as well following your wishes.” Satan said, straightening his back. “And I mean every testimony from as far as I see needed. Asmodeus, make sure your plaything comes. I want to hear him testify.”

- “W-what?” Asmodeus stuttered.

- “Seriously?” You asked as stunned as the Sin of Lust.

- “Oh that's hilarious!” Mammon chuckled, holding his stomach as he began laughing hysterically again.

Satan looked at you, raising an eyebrow, wondering why you acted like that. He was offering you your greatest revenge after all; humiliating your brother and prolonging the suffering of the imp that caused you so much pain.

And you were thankful to him.

- “H-hey wait a second here. Fizz’s got nothing to do with my business!” Blitzø finally spoke, gesticulating to catch Satan’s attention. “Leave him out of it.”

- “Fool, you think you have a said? Don't make us laugh.” Satan told him with a snarl as he leaned down, slamming his hands on each side of the accused. “You are both lucky we are not condemning you this second or I’ll tear off your heads with my own hands.”

A soft smile found its way on your lips as you took your pendant between your fingers. It felt so good seeing Satan stand for you and be angry on your behalf. You knew he wanted nothing more than to shred those two apart and give you their still-warm heart.

You wouldn't be against it.

But the trial had to keep going, there were procedures to follow after all. Of course, they could go straight up to condemnation, but now your brother was involved. They couldn't just execute a Prince.

What a shame.

Then, Satan called you to testify and you did. You did not forget a single detail, retelling every instance you encountered Blitzø and every object he stole from your family. You could feel Stolas staring at you, but he said nothing as he had been made quiet by Satan.

The tribunal stayed quiet when you explained how Blitzø stole your grimoire by passing by Stolas, how you were punished by your father for something you didn't do. You were lucky to be alive, in a way. Paimon wasn't keen on forgiveness after all.

And then you spoke about your failure of a brother. You weren't nice, not for a second. You pointed out how he never wanted to follow the rules or accept that being a Prince came with expectations and duties. Duties that he avoided as much as he could or did not care about.

You pointed out it wasn't the first time he came to the imp’s rescue without thinking about the repercussions. Without caring about how it would affect the people around him. The more you spoke, the more Stolas looked sad and heartbroken, but the courtroom stayed eerily quiet.

You locked eyes with Satan, your boyfriend’s eyes softening as he knew how painful those memories were. You had no one except for him. Satan was your greatest support and comfort just like you were his. You helped him rule his Ring, gave him ideas and took care of the papers and everything he hated or didn't care about.

You formed a terrifying team too.

After your testimony, you stayed by Satan’s side as more witnesses were called. Some tried to help Stolas and Blitzø but to no avail. No matter how much good the imp did, his terrible actions outnumbered them.

Finally, lunchtime came. You sighed in relief as Satan took you out of the courtroom to a more private place. Wine and fine cuisine awaited you already and you gulped your cup in one go. Your boyfriend chuckled and poured you more knowing you needed it.

Satan as shrinked to a more normal size before sitting by your side. He didn't bring the trial up but you knew he wanted too. Half way through your meal, you sighed and leaned back in your chair.

- “Speak your mind, my love. I know you have a lot on it.” You said, turning your attention on Satan.

- “What… do you expect from this trial?” Satan asked, putting down his fork and looking at you.

The question took you by surprise and you blinked, taking a minute to think about it. What did you expect? Pain and suffering for the little fucker who ruined your life, an eternal heartbreak for your treator of a brother…

Maybe closure, maybe finally seeing Stolas realize just how much pain he out you in.

A sorry. A true apology would be good.

You closed your eyes and sighed, passing a hand on your face.

- “Honestly I would love for you to give me that imp’s head on a silver plate. I guess it's too much asking?” you asked, barely opening your eyes.

- “Yes. As of now, a bit too much.” Satan admitted, leaning down and taking your hand in his. “But I can make sure to give them the worst punishment I can.”

You nodded, thumb tracing circles on Satan’s hand absently. You knew he couldn't go over the law for you or kill a Goetia’s prince without reason. While the testimonies were all against Blitzø, there wasn't enough for Stolas. At best Blitzø would be put down like the mad dog he was and your brother would be stripped of his titles.

Then, it clicked. A bright idea came into your mind, cruel and heartless. Satan saw it and giggled, kissing your cheek.

- “Your turn to speak your mind.” He whispered.

- “What about… what about stripping Stolas of his powers and titles and only giving them back once he kills either that lover of his or that imp’s partners.” you said and saw a smirk appear on Satan’s lips.

- “You are so cruel, my devious love.” He praised and kissed your cheek again.

In the end, it wasn't possible for Stolas’ crimes weren't enough to justify it, but Satan was able to still strip him of his powers and titles even if it was only for a hundred years. It felt like a slap on the wrist and it was, but it was better than nothing.

You enjoyed his walk of shame as his own people turned against him and how he looked broken, learning he had also lost his daughter. You knew Octavia would be safe with her mother and uncle, but also knew how Stella was. You didn’t blind yourself; she would do everything to turn her daughter against her father and you would do nothing but watch.

You had lost your father because of Stolas, so now you were making sure he would lose his daughter.

You still grieved all that could have been had he not betrayed you, but it had been done and there was no going back.

That night, Satan gave you more attention than usual, going so far as to cancel any meeting he had for the next days. He knew how hard it had been for you to face your brother and his lover, knew you weren't fully satisfied with the sentence and he wanted to be there for you just like you had been for him.

And as you melted in Satan’s arms, enjoying whatever film he had put on the TV, you realized that you had always been the winner. You had a loving and supportive lover, unlike Stolas, had built your own support system and family while your brother had no one.

You smiled as you realized all that, nuzzling yourself more against Satan and knew your future was brighter than ever.