#or my brain has put up imaginary barriers like needing to be in a specific room to do something

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

I know why I’m always on my phone; because I claw at the walls of my enclosure if I have even one quiet moment devoid of intense mental or physical stimulus, and the phone is the easiest thing to access.

[billconrad]

In the Mood to Write

    In previous articles, I discussed the source of my story ideas but have not addressed getting them out of my bonkers mind. While my methods are typical of most authors, there are some nuances. A big part of the process requires me to be in the right mood. To fully explain this concept, I need to rewind the clock back to the beginning of my writing adventure.

    During a fun period of unemployment, I had a lot of time. I spent most days thinking up business ideas and trying to turn them into reality. It was not going well, and I decided to try the highly profitable publishing world. So, on 3/12/2016 at 4:29 PM, I leaped into pure profit.

    At first, I treated the writing process like a job and wrote for precisely six hours every day. (This was all my meager brain could tolerate.) The words flowed because I already had the plot of my first book in my head. Yet, a few months into the process, I noticed a pattern. At times, my writing was not excellent. Understanding that writing is not like engineering, driven by math, economics, components, and specifications took time. It is a creative process driven by lofty ideas that do not fit into neat boxes. Eventually, I understood I needed the right mindset to write well. But how did I know I was in this mindset?

    My process begins with firmly deciding, “Now is the time to write.” Then, I start testing the water by reading 1-2 pages before my last paragraph. At this stage, I do not do any editing. When I am confident that I am comfortable with the spirit of what I have created (usually one page in), I will make some edits. If I encounter any resistance, I stop. What is resistance? It feels like a physical barrier, different from the negative anticipation of going to the dentist, perhaps like being hungry when no food is available.

    This lesson has been painful. I have done significant damage by writing or self-editing in the wrong mindset. One bad paragraph can lead the story in the wrong direction, taking months of self-editing to clean up the mess. Why? I forced myself to write or edit in a bad mood.

    At this point in the editing process, my mood should be between neutral and enjoyable. Let me define neutral. Imagine watching a movie like Star Wars. You have seen this movie over ten times and enjoyed it. Remember that scene where Chewbacca was playing chess with R2D2? Watching that scene is not a surprise; your mood is to look at the characters and interact with detachment or fondly remember that scene. This is precisely how it feels when I edit. I know the material, and when I encounter something messed up, I fix it without negative emotions. There is no mental stress or apprehension when I uncover a big problem.

   When I get to the last paragraph, I begin writing. The words should flow without stress, and my mood should switch to enjoyment. It is great to put one’s thoughts into words. And again, if there is any resistance, I stop.

   However, it is not necessary to stop writing altogether. I tested the waters. Sometimes, I will switch to a different document or edit a different section. The important part is not to push through a mental block.

    Writing is different from non-creative activities. For example, I do not need to be in the mood to pull weeds. I push through the negative emotion and begin a mindless, unpleasant task.

    If I still cannot get into the mood to write, I find a distraction can help. YouTube videos provide a quick distraction. Another tip is to consume a single glass of red wine for over an hour. I have tried all other forms of libation and found they only hinder writing.

    How do I know I am in the mood? Simple. I appreciate the moment. Writing is fun, exciting, challenging, and rewarding. The non-creative part of my mind is off, and I have become a magical author. This person has the freedom to create an imaginary world. I put myself into the story as the character. What are they thinking? Why did they do that? How should they react? What would upset them? As I self-edit, I concentrate on sentence structure and logic. I also think about the big picture and how each sentence relates to the story.

    What about professional writers? Honestly, I have no idea how somebody could spend eight hours in front of a keyboard of fiction writing every day. If I tried, the results would be an angry mash-up of misspellings. So, my hat is off to those professional writers.  

    Writing is a privilege, and I am lucky to have the drive, talent, and means to enjoy this activity. I look forward to doing it, yet it is something I cannot always get into—a true enigma.

    You’re the best -Bill

    April 21, 2024

    Hey book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:

    Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.

    Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

    Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.

    Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.

    These books are available in soft-cover on Amazon and eBook format everywhere.

[adorabledestruction]

Re: Honkai not being everywhere: Honkai's a form of Imaginary Energy, specifically its the name given to the way it was used by the cocoon, and the resulting phenomena from the cocoon. Its like Lightning being the name for a specific form of the electromagnetic force. And Imaginary energy IS everywhere in Star rail, everything Aeon related runs on imaginary energy, from the paths and pathstriders to the stellarons and the astral express. (Though there's also non-aeon related ways it manifests and can be used.) Also afaik its still a stabilizing force that keeps worlds/universes alive.

Re: the Imaginary Tidal zone forming a barrier around earth. @phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing brought up a few ways it could be bypassed, and in addition to those there's also the Stargate that Marah used to leave, which is presumably but not necessarily a two way door. (Also every solar system in HSR has one of those around it, its not unique to HI3 and earth).

Re: The scope of the HI3 game and Kiana compared to HSR. I understand wanting Kiana to be an Emanator of Finality to keep her and HI3 at a similar level of scope and importance to the stuff going on in HSR. (and I'll admit a part of my lore crunching brain likes the idea everything in hi3 slotting neatly into the cosmology of hsr.)

But right now I think they did something with the Cocoon and Kiana that puts her on a similar level while also giving the game a question only it can answer, not one that needs to be found in a different game.

Kiana's on the same level of power as an Emanator without having any connection to Aeons at all. This is a kind of being that in HSR's cosmology is unheard of and yet they're strong enough to rival an Emanator. The cocoon managed to somehow keep itself hidden from the Aeons for all this time, and whats more its older than all of them.

Qlipoth, the supposed eldest aeon (IPC propaganda but its the best we got), has been around for 164k-518k years, but probably the real number is around 350k years. In Star Rail's timeline this is so long ago they don't even know if humans (as in the various humanoid species we see in game) existed back then. The Moon civilization in HI3 happened 250k years ago. Depending on how long those amber eras turn out to be the moon civilization could be older than Qlipoth.

And then you've got Sa who escaped the destruction of Venus 250 million years ago. And Mars and God Senadina, who at 1 Billion years old are at least two thousand times older than Qlipoth.

The Cocoon as an entity is a mind bogglingly ancient being older than God originating from who knows where, that doesn't factor into HSR's cosmology at all because it predates it and it was able to stay hidden from even the Aeon of exploration all this time.

That's weird! That's a mystery! It doesn't integrate nicely into HSR's cosmology and Aeons and Emanators, making it something Star Rail isn't going to give us the answer to. HI3, the Cocoon, Earth Mars Venus, Kiana, all of them are special in a way we don't understand yet, a way that right now seems to go toe to toe with the cosmology of the sister game, and a way that we're going to find out only through HI3.

Star Rail might have greater scope when it comes to Space, but HI3 has the greater scope when it comes to Time, one is a narrow and deep look while the other is shallower and broad, and this new revelation hasn't made HI3 worse for the wear, if anything it's the opposite.

Bonus last thought. So far whenever each game covers concepts from another, its always in a way that someone who only knows one game will understand. This isn't going to increase the need to play HSR to understand HI3 any more than I need to play the HI3 VNs to understand Sushang, AE, or Bianka. I haven't and the game has explained what I needed to know as it came up. Would my experience be enhanced by playing the VNs? Sure but it would also be enhanced by playing persona 5 or looking into any other media the devs were inspired by. I don't feel like I'm losing out. I still get a full experience, branching out would just give me a head start or a bit of "hey its my guy from the other place!", but even without a head start I'll make it to the end and enjoy my time, even without seeing my guy in the other place I'll probably become interested in the character and grow to care about them.

Do i like that the HSR collab seems to be story canon? No.

[merryfortune]

Legend & Lore: the Deep Sea

AN: Posting this now seems like a good idea :3c

AN: Inspired by artworks by @insanitytragedy [specifically this one]

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Vrains

Ship: Yusaku/Aoi

Warnings: Character Death, Madness, Dark Themes, Canon Divergent

Word Count: 3832

Synopsis:  Nowadays, they say that you can’t have legends and lore without a little bit of blood and gore.

In which the mysterious hacker pursues the mysterious siren that inhbits the patches of corrupted game data known as the deep seas.

  Game lore states there are monsters in the winds; in the harrowing winds of the Speed Duel. Yusaku knows. He’s reached into the depths of the unknown and pulled one out and tamed it.

  Legend, however, states there are sentient, living creatures in the pockets of patched up and ruined data known as as the “deep seas”. Not quite AIs, definitely not players looking to stir up trouble either. True, living creatures with thoughts and actions that are not predetermined by a real person using an avatar nor predetermined by a computer doing its best to handle the output.

  Legends that are unreliable. Friend of a friend. Quibbles over the massive chat log that get lost in between the hundreds of thousands of conversations between no one. And everyone. Yusaku doesn’t pay much heed to baseless rumour. To what amounts to creepypasta. He doesn’t need to.

  Game. Set. Match.

  Yusaku logs out and pulls himself out of hiding spot with a sigh. He’s sweaty and frustrated. He had come too close in that last Duel to losing. Every game is life or death and he’s already lost too much; he’s got so much he can win back.

  Kusanagi greets him with a sparkle in his eye. Impressed. Yusaku sits down next to him and is impressed. He hands him a bottle of water; it’s lukewarm in Yusaku’s hand.

  ‘Well done, Playmaker.’

  ‘I almost lost.’

  ‘But you didn’t. And you should be thankful.’

  ‘…I am.’

  Kusanagi swivelled in his chair and chucked his thumb over his shoulder to indicate the monitor. Yusaku showed little interest but acknowledged that Kusanagi wanted to bring something up.

  ‘You and I both know that artificial intelligence is somehow muddled up in this whole Knights of Hanoi business. But you and I also know that independent artificial intelligenc isn’t… fully functional. Yet. However,’ Kusanagi paused and Yusaku glared, sceptical, ‘I have reason to believe it will be soon. During that Duel, I picked up… unusual patterns. Someone – or, more specifically, something – managed to get past my barrier. Before the Duel, that zone was empty. No one came in, no one left. But something was there. And it ws moving erratically. I think you have a fan, Playmaker.’

  Yusaku slumped over the desk. He tapped his cheek.

  ‘Doubt it.’

  ‘Clear your schedule, tomorrow, you’re logging in and we’re going to go deep sea fishing. Let’s see if we can find ourselves a piece of artificial intelligence.’

  Yusaku straightened up and yawned. He flexed his hands. ‘Well, we better route the parts of data most susceptible to deteriorating and becoming part of the so-called deep sea system. If we’re lucky, since it’s only been a few minutes since I logged out, we might be able to get a trace on my “fan” but we shouldn’t get our hopes up. It could have just been… a bug.’

  ‘I dunno, Yusaku. I think we’re going to get lucky.’

  The two spent a good portion of the evening making preparations for their deep sea fishing, as Kusanagi had called it. Unfortunately, mere hours later, an unforeseen disruption to their exploration had occurred. Said disruption came in the arrogant, inhuman form of a popular charisma duelist known as “Ignis”.

 Ignis was the Vrains persona of an as of yet unknown person; presumably male but there were rumours of Ignis belonging to a female Duelist. Given Ignis’ avatar, it was hard to tell if Ignis was supposed to be male presenting to begin with. There was little in the way of either clothing and anatomy, instead some cartoonish-looking character with inky black skin and a purple web pattern and bulbous head. Despite being of small stature, Ignis carried quite the large demeanour and prescence on the Vrains.

  Ignis has been vying for the top spot of number one Charisma Duelist for a while now: cocky, arrogant, but puts on a great show. He and GO had been at odds for ages but now Yusaku – no, Playmaker – is the number one duelist in Vrains and Ignis is aggressively eying that title. He’s issued challenge after challenge but today, Playmaker finally accepted for this was no fight for popularity. No, there are larger forces at play.

  Ignis had been instated, albeit temporarily, as a Knight of Hanoi.

  It was a dirty fight. Trick after trick, deception and traps abound but Playmaker pulled through. For himself. For the crowd. It was a riveting duel but a selfish one. Flashy, spectacular, and full of twists: a conversation, of sorts, wherein it was two people greedily yelling at each other but tactfully disguising it as fair play and civility.

  But Playmaker pulled through, at the last second, after a destiny draw and sealed Ignis’ fate in a loss. The evil planted in him dissipated and his card, token of the Knight of Hanoi’s affection for him, banished. It was all well and good but Speed Duels are always a matter of life and death.

  Ignis made one mistake and it almost cost him his life.

  He was making rude remark after rude remark. Yes, he had enjoyed the duel but he didn’t enjoy the loss. That was the kind of person Ignis was. As such, he was passing off his dissatisfaction in cuss words and taunts. Playmaker couldn’t have cared less. He was about to make his temporary escape.

  He turned his back on Ignis but in the corner of his eye, he saw Ignis slip. Such a mistake would likely kill his corporeal form especially from this height. They were above the city and a vicious wind was raking the space between them and the virtual cement; cracked and turned to something akin to water.

  There was a single moment that felt like an eternity. Ignis’ eyes widened as he fell back and his arms outspread by his side. His mouth gaped and he blinked. Like, he didn’t quite believe what was happening. Fortunately, Playmaker could believe that the foolish duelist had fallen off his D-Board.

  Ignis hissed before he screamed. Playmaker whipped back around and instinct took his mind before logic could. Before Kusanagi could.

  Playmaker grabbed Ignis and yanked him back, they traded places in peril. Then Ignis rolled over and blew a raspberry at Playmaker. Playmaker braced himself for the worst and snuck a glance over his shoulder.

  ‘No one beats Ignis-sama and gets away with it.’ he taunted.

  Ignis floated in the digital space. He happily hung out like he was on a gently swinging hammock. Meanwhile, Playmaker was plummeting. He could feel the rush for real. His heart pounded in his chest.

  Yusaku closed his eyes and accepted that, for the first time in years, Vrains will have claimed another casualty. Finally, the mysterious hacker’s identity would come to light. He just wished that he could have reclaimed his past first. He has no doubt in his mind that Ignis would have no qualms over his death.

  Playmaker, no, Yusaku slips into the unknown.

  It’s not like a dive into a pool. It’s more like slipping into a recuperating sleep. Unfeeling but welcoming. His body goes numb but he’s not dead. He’s not dying.

  But that makes it sound too serene. Phasing through the protected realm of vrains into the deep sea is far from peaceful. He’s just experiencing a terrible dissonance between what is happening and what he’s feeling. He actively recognises that nothing is real. He can’t feel anything in his fingers because, technically, they’re not real; not to mention gloved too but some part of his brain refuses to accept that so, his fictional clothes become heavy with fictional water. His eyes sting and he’s gulping down water in lieu of air, not on purpose of course but nevertheless, his lungs are filling with imaginary sea water.

  His eyes flutter shut. He feels infinity at his fingertips. Infinity feels strangely like electricity. Tingling and gradually getting hotter. Yusaku sinks further into the unknown depths of zeroes and ones; of bubbles and seaweed. There was a grave pressure on his chest and he could hear his bones creak and bow beneath it; not snapping, yet, for there was nothing actually pressing upon them. He truly feels like he was at the bottom of the ocean; if the bottom of the ocean was a fault in a highly complex video game data.

  No one’s ever clipped through into the deep sea. The deep sea is highly protected and strongly guarded. It was thought to be impossible to clip through, and yet he had. Playmaker had phased through the other side of where the internet was thought to be impossible to touch. No one expects him to return alive.

  Nor does Playmaker. Nor does Yusaku.

  However, there is one. An unprecedented “one” in this cold, watery sea of “zeroes”.

  A giggle. A light chortle with something deviant lurking beneath its innocence. It sounds almost like the chimes of bells. Yusaku opens his eyes and everything is glitching. He thinks. He’s not certain. It could be his eyes playing tricks on him. It could be the game playing tricks on his eyes. But then, he sees her.

  And she’s beautiful.

  Or, at least, her avatar is.

  She comes closer and Playmaker sighs. He grimly accepts his fate. She comes closer still and clasps her hands either side of his face. She’s curious. She can’t be felt. Her fingers clip through part of her face and her tail twists and sashays to keep them both afloat. The loose, fluttery white fabrics of her outfit are battered by the inertia.

  She feels around the data of Playmaker’s persona and learns of him. She smiles to herself and decides that she will try and save him. After all, this is not their first meeting. It would appear the final hour was upon them: the hour in which Playmaker, no, her beloved Fujiki Yusaku would deliver upon his promise.

  So, she saves him so he would have the opportunity to return the favour like she always dreamed he would.

  She removes her fingers from his face and he falls in love with hers. It’s like a fairy tale for the modern age: superficial and nonsensical whilst maintaining the long honoured traditions of disturbance and cruelty. She is careful to not breach the sensitive data keeping Playmaker’s avatar in tact so she can remain strong enough to pull him through. Unlike him, the data that comprises her is far more flexible. No barrier can keep her out or in. He’s a lot more difficult and cumbersome but, nevertheless, she succeeds in bringing him to the surface.

  Kusanagi, meanwhile in the real world, succeeds in keeping Yusaku alive and breathing. Safe.

  She decides that she doesn’t want to leave the water. She remains by his side though. She idly watches as Playmaker spasms. She watches his back arch as he slams himself down, trying to rid himself of the imgarinary water in his imaginary lungs. He grunts and moans. She giggles. She thinks its funny. Cute even.

  Playmaker comes to and doesn’t log out. He’s hazy and aching. He’s definitely dying now that he can make sense of what he’s trying to process. He turns his head and she catches his eyes. He is quickly ensnared by her unearthly appearance. She’s too solid. She’s too real. She’s not real.

  But she’s beautiful. Large eyes and a button nose. She’s busty but it’s hard to tell with all her jewelery slung around her neck and how the fabrics she’s wrapped up in flutter. She looks as though she has wings. She looks as though she might have had wings once. There is a sense that she is ripped up and broken despite seeming as perfect as a porcelain doll.

  ‘Who are you?’ Playmaker asked; his hands shaking by his side as he tries to make sense of her. Of himself. Of his surroundings.

  ‘Blue Angel.’

  Again, she laughs.

  ‘Are you a duelist?’

  ‘Not yet. I’m still putting together a deck. It’s very difficult, you know when you have to steal the data.’

  ‘Who are you?’

  ‘A siren.’

  Yusaku glares at her. There’s all sorts of weirdos on the internet but Blue Angel doesn’t strike him as one. He examines her avatar. Blue. Lots of it. Blue hair, blue eyes a blue tie around her neck. She basically blends in the water. She’s vaguely angelic too with her fluttering fins at her lower back where human-like skin turned to azure scales. Yusaku couldn’t help but be reminded of the old adage: the more beautiful and colourful, the more venomous.

  Blue Angel huffs. Sick of Yusaku’s scepticism.

  ‘Fine. I’m a rogue AI.’

  ‘And here I thought I would find you.’

  ‘I’ve wanted to meet you for a while, Playmaker. You and I… we’re alike.’

  ‘We are?’

  ‘Well, if we’re ever found by the wrong people, we are doomed to be deleted, correct?’

  ‘…Correct.’

  ‘See? Plenty in common already…’

  Playmaker got to his feet. He craned over his shoulder. He need to escape. He needed to go to the hospital.

  ‘Promise you’ll come and play again.’

  ‘I make no promises. Especially not ones I don’t know if I can keep.’

  Blue Angel became mournful.

  ‘I’ll wait. Forever.’

  She slunk into the water and her eyes became luminous. Her lips move beneath the water and bubbles and ripples shatter the stillness of it. It also caused disruptions to the water’s rendering. It spreads and breaks: unnatural waves.

  ‘Bye, bye.’

  Playmaker logs out once she leaves. Blue Angel gave him a bad feeling. It was deep and torrid. Visceral. It revived an unknown emotion in him: one he had long forgotten. One that he couldn’t explain. Especially not in a state like this. But he could connect it to his voided past. He just didn’t know how.

  Yusaku skipped school for the next few days to recover. He wasn’t the same after his accident; after his encounter with the siren AI known as Blue Angel.

  When he was in good enough shape to think clearly, his first matter of business was to dissect the Vrains for Blue Angel from the safety of his monitor. Not from the inside of Vrains. He hacked through every strain of data and information he could find with Kusanagi in tow. The information that they reaped in return was not what they expected.

  They found old player records belonging to a Zaizen Aoi. She had been Blue Angel before her account was forcibly deleted. The avatar Aoi used, parts of it, had become the rogue AI calling itself Blue Angel: the face, mostly. The AI had transformed the avatar from a winged human to a mermaid. Little wonder: wings would be useless submerged in the depths of the fictitious ocean.

  ‘Do you think we can believe her?’ Yusaku asked as he folded his arms.

  He wanted to believe. He wanted to meet her again.

  ‘We have no login or log-out records for the Blue Angel you encountered. The commandeered avatar is almost definitely its own entity. A simple stalk of Zaizen Aoi’s internet history show that she hasn’t logged into Vrains since her account was forcibly deleted. I have reason to believe that she hasn’t been in a duel since.’ Kusanagi replied with a shrug.

  ‘We have to keep her safe.’

  ‘Zaizen or Angel?’ Kusanagi raised an eyebrw.

  Yusaku shuddered.

  Kusanagi sighed then diplomatically stated: ‘We need to find out if there are other rogue AIs.’

  ‘Blue Angel takes first priority.’

  Kusanagi glanced at Yusaku. His eyes had been taken over by an obsession that twisted them a darker hue of green; or maybe, it was just the light from the monitor slightly discolouring them. Kusanagi hummed. He folded his arms.

  ‘A little obsessed, aren’t you?’

  ‘She’s an improbable existence. She’s fascinating.’ Yusaku admitted. ‘Scientifically speaking.’

  He hastily added that after he had come to a complete stop in his dialogue.

  ‘Mmhm.’ Kusanagi nodded. He sighed. ‘Well, assuming all the deep seas are connected then we’ve already narrowed it down. We can rule out downtown Vrains as well. Too many people know she’s been there so she’s likely avoiding it like plague.’

  ‘But there’s still thousands of digital kilometres that she could be spanning. And we don’t know the full extent of her abilities, she could have the ability to leave the Vrains and enter other internet accesses.’

  ‘I don’t think that’s likely given that her entire existence hinges on Vrains. I don’t believe she would be able to sustain form outside of Vrains.’

  ‘Do you think she can be captured?’

  ‘Captured how?’

  ‘Do you think we could download her to a duel disc? Like the other AIs? Presumably, she has cannibalised one of those and from that, she cannibalised Zaizen’s Blue Angel and likely gained sentience along the way.’

  ‘You want to take the mermaid’s freedom?’ Kusanagi asked. Genuine concern filtered into his voice and it scared Yusaku to his core.

  He hadn’t expected defiance from Kusanagi. Questioning from Kusanagi. He put his hand over his heart and bunched the fabric separating them in his hand. He couldn’t really feel it. His sensory understanding was still numb at best. At this point, he wasn’t expecting for it to return to the way it was before his accident. At least he could feel the movement of his heart though: a slow and steady pulse. It reminded him that he was real. Lately, that simple little fact was slipping form him mind. Frequently too.

  He took a breath and closed his eyes. ‘Yes.’ He decided at long last.

  ‘…Interesting.’

  Kusanagi didn’t further interrogate Yusaku from there but Yusaku’s feelings on the matter were as transparent as glass. His intentions quietly reflected.

  But to Yusaku?

  He could barely decipher the bits and pieces of emotion he felt. He felt tinkered with and now, whenever he moved he could hear the rattle of something having been broken but couldn’t place it. On top of that, because he was still functioning, he couldn’t decide if he was broken at all. Instead, he was just rattling. Something had come loose.

  Yusaku swallowed. A desire as deep as the depths of the sea filled him. He refused to name it but he was apparent. Love, lust, obsession: Blue Angel. He took a breath and for a split second, he was drowning again. He widened his eyes and willed himself to remember he wasn’t online. He was Fujiki Yusaku. He wasn’t Playmaker. This was the real world, not Vrains. He swallowed again as his breath hitched his throat and a sweat broke out on his brow and dripped down his side. He clutched harder onto his shirt.

  ‘Are you okay?’ Kusanagi asked, panicking as he got his feet.

 His hands moved rapidly before Yusaku’s eyes but he could barely see them. They were blurry and Kusanagi was quickly moving out of focus as well. Yusaku shook himself. Took a breath. He willed himself to remain in a conscious, healthy state of mind but he was muddled nonetheless.

  ‘No. Yes. Just let me find her. I have to find her.’

  He heard that laugh again. Light, airy, twinkling like the chime of silver bells. That was Blue Angel’s laugh. He could hear her perfectly. Clear as day. Somehow, it calmed him down. The tension stringing along his shoulder in tight threads relaxed. Kusanagi relaxed too upon seeing Yusaku’s grip on himself lighten.

  ‘Are you okay?’

  Kusanagi sounded like Yusaku had water in his ears. He was vague and murky. Yusaku blinked then stared. And stared. But he could barely see a thing.

  He resolved to find her. He had to find her.

  Yusaku got up and grabbed his Duel Disc. He stormed off and he was unknowingly playing right into Blue Angel’s plans for him. He slams the door behind him and enters the virtual slipstream where he was likely to abandon the air – the winds – forever.

  Playmaker finds her easily enough. She was waiting for him. She watches him with her big, glittering blue eyes and beckons him to the pool where she waits. It’s a puddle in the virtual sidewalk. It’s quiet here. Almost abandoned. It’s almost like someone put a block on the area so only select people could visit.

  Blue Angel begins to sing. She sings a heavenly song that bubbles up from the depths of her throat. She doesn’t speak like she’s speaking through a microphone. That’s one thing that makes her distinct from the players. The players have a crackle of static electricity when they breathe. She doesn’t breathe.

  So, it’s to little eerie wonder as to why Yusaku becomes so entranced by her song. It pulls him in like the moon pulls in the tide. She’s haunting. Lovely. Indescribable. He thinks he’s in love.

  She’s lonely, you know?

  It’s awfully dark and dreary at the bottom of the ocean. She wants – needs – some company down there. Someone who understands how difficult it is to hide when they are everything the other – the commoners – desire in a celebrity. Someone who understands what it is like to hunt and be hunted; to always be teetering on the edge of life and death. Someone who understands what it’s like to phase through life and death. One and zero. And he was the only one to have ever done that. Now. And when he was smaller; younger.

  Finally, they can be together. Forever. Like Yusaku promised her when she was just… Blue. The tame AI. Like she had desired when Yusaku was just that: Yusaku, not Playmaker. He was a chosen child from the experiment. The one that went horribly, horribly wrong all those years ago. Of course, no one remembers. Why should they?

   Yusaku slips. He’s the one who makes the fatal mistake now. He’s too entranced by Blue Angel and her charm to care. He has no one looking out for him from the corner of their eye. So, he slips. He phases through the zeroes and ones once more except this time, he doesn’t emerge as a survivor.

  He sinks. Down and down. In a listless spiral and Blue Angel playfully joins him. She most certainly thinks it’s a game. She batters at him as his hands reach out. A slow regret poisons him. Perhaps, he shouldn’t have trusted the silver song of a siren. She’s not real. But then again, he’s not real either. Not anymore anyway as he sinks further into the deep sea where is transformed into Playmaker for the last time.

  Together… forever. Just like she always wanted. Like he thought he wanted in those tragic days of unreality.

  And now, it’s not just a siren you can find at the bottom of the deep seas but a ghoul: waterlogged and once human… if you believe the stories. The ones fools type out in the group chat: to everyone and no one.

  Nowadays, they say that you can’t have legends and lore without a little bit of blood and gore.