#or maybe you thought that was all private and no one would see?

[saccharineheartx]

Outlast Trials x Bioshock?

This is just an idea I've been toying around with in my head for a few months now. I only have Phylis sketched out so far, and honestly unsure if i'll do the rest lol

Ideas/Ramble I have copy and pasted from my notes app about the AU are below the cut!! Sorry if its incoherent lol

Would love to hear your guy's thoughts and ideas too! I fucking love. these games.

Outlast Trials x Bioshock

Dr. easterman and andrew ryan would probably be close, maybe easterman would be on the council and practically worships ryan for allowing him to do his work and science without worry for morality and law. they've explored eachother's bodies i dont make the rules um

SOPHIA LAMB AND AMELIA! ......,, idk but. there's some similarities. do you guys see the vision

Gooseberry: came to rapture with her father. father is still a dentist, dr. futterman probably died in an accident or due to over splicing.

phylis worked in the little sister's orphanage, does puppetshows for them. due to cocaine, splicing and the death of her father, went a liittttle crazy. :3 still makes the puppet of her father and has the whole split personality deal. face is still ruined due to the welts, sagging and deformity that comes with the splicing.

coyle: came to rapture with his wife. (probably kills her in an spliced up state, mania or something) 100% has the electricity plasmid, because obviously, electricity right at his fingertips, he'd be all over that. still a cop or constable in rapture, the privately owned ones that people in rapture have to pay for to get their help. he definitely extorts money out of people/businesses that way ofc ofc

franco: came to rapture with his father and step mother, franco still probably gets freaky with his step mom like in canon and his father probably kills her and gives her a good ol' burial at sea. maybe his father ran the smuggling operation until one day was ambushed by splicers and killed,

franco runs the smuggling and plasmids from then on? idk where fontaine would fit in all this dont ask me

[bu3ck3r]

tied together – part 5

paige bueckers x azzi fudd

warning: sexual content

a/n: hiii everyone sorry for the long wait but your girl has been a lil busy. anywaysss i thought this would make up for it and im pretty sure it will. as usual let me know how was itttt.

tied together – masterlist

paige’s pov:

it was almost 10:00 p.m. when paige got back to the hotel.

she didn’t remember most of the ride—just flashes. her knee bouncing under the seat, the light yellow blur of streetlights through the tinted bus windows, a few teammates laughing in the back, the low beat of a playlist someone forgot to turn off.

because all she could think about was her.

azzi.

azzi’s mouth, still warm on hers. azzi pressed against the wall like she wanted to crawl into paige’s skin. azzi’s breathy laugh when paige whispered, “you looked hot when you bodied me on the baseline.”

that whole thing was supposed to be quick. just a moment in the tunnel. just some banter, maybe a kiss, maybe not. something private. something small. but then azzi had looked at her like that. like paige was water in the middle of a desert. like all the months in between hadn’t changed a single thing.

and when their lips met, it wasn’t like kissing someone new. it was like coming home.

now, in the hotel elevator, paige leaned her shoulder against the mirrored wall and pulled her uconn hoodie tighter around her body. her phone buzzed in her pocket just as the doors opened.

she didn’t check it right away. she didn’t need to.

she already knew who it was.

azzi.

i miss you already

and no i don’t care that we just kissed like 40 minutes ago. i still miss you.

say something before i spiral

paige grinned to herself as she stepped into the hallway, soft carpet muffling her steps. she waited until she got to her door before answering.

we literally just saw each other az.

azzi’s reply came instantly.

so what. i want more

paige bit her lip.

she leaned against her door, phone held loose in one hand, and stared at the message.

it hit her in the chest—how easy this felt. how real. she wasn’t used to azzi being like this. needy. open. but tonight? tonight she seemed starved. so paige texted her.

what are you doing right now? besides being obsessed w me

about to shower. thinking about you. obviously. you?

same. i need to shower too

face time me p.

paige’s stomach flipped.

she hadn’t even unlocked the hotel door yet.

she stepped inside, flicked the lamp on, tossed her bag down, and hit the facetime icon before she could overthink it.

azzi appeared on the screen in seconds, hair tied up, south carolina hoodie still on, skin glowing even in low light. she was lying on the bed, camera tilted toward her bare thighs.

paige shook her head. “you’re teasing me already.”

azzi smirked, shifting slightly. “you looked so good tonight, p.”

paige dropped her phone onto the dresser for a second so she could pull her hoodie off. she walked around in a sports bra and shorts, tossing her slides toward the corner.

“stop looking at me like that,” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“why?” azzi murmured. “you want me to lie?”

paige laughed, grabbing her towel. “i need to shower.”

azzi groaned. “i just got you back. you’re really gonna leave me?”

“didn’t you say you had to shower too?”

azzi’s voice got lower. “yeah. but not with you.”

paige paused. her grip on the towel tightened.

azzi smirked. “unless…”

paige’s head tilted. “you want to stay on while we shower?”

azzi blinked. “wait deadass?”

paige didn’t answer.

she just grinned—and walked into the bathroom with her phone.

azzi propped her phone on the bathroom counter, flipping the camera so paige could see her. she stripped slowly—first the hoodie, then her shorts, then her bra, tossing everything to the floor with lazy precision.

on the other end, paige did the same. the sports bra came off slow. her shorts dragged down over toned legs. the muscles in her stomach flexed as she moved, and azzi had to bite down on her lip just to stay quiet.

“you staring again, ma?” paige teased, voice echoing in the steam.

“obviously,” azzi whispered.

both girls stepped under the water, the screen fogging slightly, but not enough to hide the curve of azzi’s shoulder or the slope of paige’s back.

they didn’t talk much—just quiet little compliments.

“you look so good wet.”

“your skin’s glowing.”

“wow look at that ass.”

“you like this?” paige asked at one point, tilting her phone down for a half-second flash of full nudity.

azzi nearly dropped hers.

“paige. what the fuck.”

paige just laughed. “you’re the one who said stay on the call.”

azzi exhaled hard. “you’re gonna kill me.”

“good,” paige smiled. “you deserve it.”

they were out of the shower now. azzi had towel-dried her body and thrown on a pair of shorts and a crop top. she was lying on her side, phone balanced in front of her.

and paige?

paige was sitting cross-legged on her hotel bed in just a black nike sports bra and underwear, her hair wet, skin flushed, camera tilted low.

“fuck,” azzi whispered. “you look so hot right now.”

paige smirked. “oh yeah?”

“you know you do. stop acting brand new.”

“say it again, pretty.”

azzi blinked. “you look hot, baby.”

paige tilted her head. “who’s baby?”

azzi swallowed. “mine.”

a beat passed. then paige said, low and smooth: “you alone in your room?”

azzi licked her lips. “yeah. aliyah’s with bree. i’m by myself tonight.”

paige’s smile turned lethal. “good.”

paige was stretched out across her bed now, her back against the headboard, one knee up, the phone balanced on her thigh. the camera was angled just right—like she’d done it a hundred times before. bra still a little damp. hair a mess. eyes soft but sharp.

azzi’s whole body buzzed.

“you’re gonna sit there and act like you don’t know what you’re doing to me?” azzi asked, voice a little breathless.

paige smirked. “i know exactly what i’m doing.”

azzi shifted on her stomach, chin resting on her folded arms. “you’re evil.”

“you say that like you don’t love it.”

“i do,” azzi whispered.

paige tilted her head, eyes raking over azzi’s exposed skin—the smooth curve of her hip, the way her crop top lifted slightly with each breath. “you look so good right now, mama. you always do.”

azzi flushed. “you can’t just say shit like that.”

“i can when it’s true.”

paige leaned in, her voice dropping half an octave.

“let me ask you something.”

azzi blinked. “yeah?”

“how hot do i look to you right now?”

azzi let out a shaky breath. “too hot.”

paige chuckled low in her throat. “be specific.”

“you’re in that damn sports bra. hair wet. all confident. smiling like you know i’m about to lose it.”

“am i?”

azzi nodded, cheeks flushed. “you’re not fair.”

“i’m not trying to be fair.” paige’s tone got quiet. intent. “i’m trying to make you feel something.”

azzi swallowed hard.

“you are.”

there was a silence—not empty, but thick. charged. breathing heavy on both sides of the screen.

paige tilted the phone just a little more, giving azzi a perfect view of her bare thighs, the dip of her hips, the black boxers clinging low on her waist.

“tell me something,” paige said softly. “what would you do to me right now… if i was there?”

azzi hesitated, pupils blown wide. “paige…”

“no, baby,” paige said gently. “don’t get shy now.”

azzi bit her lip. her voice was a whisper. “i’d climb in your lap.”

“yeah?” paige sat up straighter. “you’d ride me, ma?”

azzi whined. “yes.”

“you’d let me hold your hips while you move real slow?”

azzi nodded, helpless. “i’d make you feel so good.”

paige smiled, slow and hungry. “you already do.”

they stared at each other—just looked—for a few long seconds.

then paige said, “okay. i’m done.”

azzi blinked. “wait—what?”

“i’m coming to your room.”

“paige—”

“i need to see you.”

azzi sucked in a breath.

“you’re killing me, princess,” paige murmured, slipping off the bed and reaching for her hoodie. “you’re sitting there lookin’ all soft and needy, and i’m supposed to sleep without touching you?”

azzi gasped. “so come see me, p. i’m waiting.”

azzi barely had time to get up before there was a soft knock.

she opened the door without thinking.

and there was paige.

hair still damp. hoodie zipped halfway. no pants. just those black boxers and long legs and a smirk that made azzi dizzy.

“you gonna let me in,” paige said, “or you just gonna stare?”

azzi pulled her inside and kicked the door shut.

the second it clicked closed, paige pressed her against it—fast and hungry, their mouths crashing together like they couldn’t stand the distance for one more second.

azzi gasped when paige’s hand found her waist, fingers slipping under her top.

“you know what you’ve been doing to me all night?” paige said with a quiet but heavy voice, kissing down her neck.

azzi nodded. “i can’t stop thinking about you.”

paige grinned against her skin. “that so?”

she walked them backward toward the bed, lips still on azzi’s throat, hands roaming slow and possessive.

when azzi’s knees hit the mattress, paige sat down and pulled her into her lap.

“c’mere,” she said. “i need you close.”

azzi straddled her, thighs on either side of paige’s waist, hands in her hair.

they kissed like they were starving.

paige’s hands gripped azzi’s hips, fingers digging into the softness there.

azzi whimpered. “paige. please.”

paige pulled back just enough to look up at her.

“what’s up, princess?”

azzi’s voice cracked. “paige, baby—please. i need you.”

that flipped something in paige’s chest.

she reached up, dragged her thumb along azzi’s bottom lip.

“you need me?”

azzi nodded, desperate. “so bad.”

paige’s voice dropped. “then let me take care of you.”

azzi was straddling paige in the middle of the bed, knees spread wide on either side of her hips, their bodies barely touching—but the heat between them was unmistakable.

paige had her hands on azzi’s thighs, fingers curling against the soft skin like she was trying to ground herself. but her eyes… her eyes were locked on azzi’s lips, then her neck, then lower, like she didn’t know where to start.

“you’re shaking,” paige whispered, palms gliding up.

azzi nodded, breath shallow. “i’ve never wanted anyone like this before.”

paige exhaled, steady and slow. “let me fix that for you, mama.”

and then she kissed her again.

but this time—this time was different.

this time, it wasn’t fast or rushed or breathless. it was deep. claiming.

azzi melted into it, moaning softly when paige licked into her mouth, hands sliding up her back under the crop top. paige’s grip was firm but gentle, like she was sculpting azzi out of heat and want.

then paige pulled back and whispered, “take it off for me.”

azzi blinked.

paige nodded toward her shirt. “now.”

her voice wasn’t harsh. just final.

azzi reached down with shaking hands and peeled her crop top off, slowly, revealing soft brown skin, the swell of her chest, the flush already blooming along her collarbones. paige’s breath caught.

“fuck, you’re so beautiful.”

she didn’t wait for permission this time. she leaned in, mouth finding azzi’s neck, then lower, trailing kisses across her collarbone, down between her breasts. her tongue flicked over azzi’s nipple once—just once—and azzi’s hips bucked.

paige smiled against her skin.

“you like that?”

azzi moaned. “please don’t tease me.”

paige looked up, eyes bright. “you’re already soaked, aren’t you?”

azzi nodded, eyes glazed. “since that facetime.”

paige laughed. low, dangerous.

“needy little thing,” she murmured. “my pretty girl couldn’t even wait for me to get here.”

she slid her hands down azzi’s back, gripped under her thighs, and lifted her—just enough to lay her flat on the bed, then crawled over her.

azzi looked up at her, breathless. “you’re doing things to me.”

“good,” paige kissed her, hard and hooked two fingers into the waistband of her shorts.

“lift.”

azzi raised her hips. the shorts came off slow, dragged down inch by inch until paige tossed them to the floor without a glance.

then she sat back and looked up at her.

azzi, flushed, knees apart, chest rising and falling under the hoodie she hadn’t taken off. she looked ethereal.

paige leaned forward, hands on her thighs, spreading her a little wider. her mouth brushed azzi’s inner thigh, then her other.

soft kisses. no hurry.

azzi’s fingers curled in the sheets. her head tipped back. her breathing stuttered.

“goddamn,” paige whispered, voice thick. “you’re dripping, baby.”

azzi whimpered. “i need your mouth.”

that sentence nearly broke her.

she didn’t answer. she just went down.

her tongue licked a slow stripe from the base of azzi’s slit to the top, and azzi arched off the bed, a long, broken moan spilling from her mouth.

azzi gasped—head snapping forward, eyes wide, hands flying into paige’s hair. she didn’t pull. she just held on. and paige didn’t say a word. she just buried her mouth deeper, tongue moving with purpose—steady, slow, relentless.

every flick. every pressure. every shift of her mouth was intentional. controlled. like paige was tasting her favorite thing in the world and had no plans to rush it.

azzi was already shaking.

“fuck,” she breathed out, hips twitching, voice high and breathless. “oh my god—paige—”

paige smiled, sucked her clit gently into her mouth, lapping slow circles until azzi was gripping the sheets.

then she pulled back, mouth glistening.

“what’s up, ma?” she teased. “that good already?”

azzi whimpered. “paige, please.”

paige reached up, slid two fingers through the mess between her legs, and pressed in—slow, deep, curling upward until azzi cried out.

“that’s it,” paige whispered, pumping in and out. “you take me so good, baby.”

azzi was gasping now, hips rolling, hands scrambling to find something to hold onto.

“you gonna come for me, princess?”

azzi nodded, desperate. “yes—oh my god—yes, yes—paige, i’m—”

paige licked her again, fingers still moving, and azzi shattered.

azzi cried out. her thighs tried to close, but paige kept her open, right where she wanted her. legs shaking. voice cracked. her head fell back. her mouth dropped open. she came with a soft, choked moan—tight and breathless and wrecked, clinging to paige’s hair with one shaking hand while the other clawed at the bed.

paige didn’t stop until she was sure azzi had nothing left to give.

she worked her through it—tongue slow now, fingers deep, kissing gently between strokes until azzi collapsed against the pillows, lips parted, chest heaving.

paige kissed her inner thigh. her hipbone. the place just below her navel.

“I wanted you like that all night,” paige whispered.

then she kissed her way back up and lay beside her, pulling her close, chest to chest, lips brushing her ear. azzi blinked up at her, dazed.

“i’m so obsessed with you, princess,” paige whispered.

azzi smiled, still panting. “i’ve noticed that, baby.”

azzi couldn’t stop looking at her.

this version of paige—flushed, eyes dazed. for a second, azzi just watched her. let her breathe. let the moment settle between them.

then she leaned forward and kissed her. soft, slow. like she wanted to taste her own name from paige’s mouth.

paige reached for her, but azzi pushed her hand away gently and shook her head.

“just let me,” she murmured, voice low and steady.

paige nodded, lips twitching. her body went still beneath her. waiting.

azzi sat up on her knees, straddling paige’s hips. her hands dragged slowly up paige’s thighs, thumbs dipping into the crease where muscle met heat. paige twitched under her, soft whimper caught in her throat.

azzi leaned down and kissed her chest—once, right between her breasts. then again, lower. she dragged her tongue lightly over the skin just above paige’s waistband, and paige let out a broken breath.

azzi slid her hands up to paige’s waistband. “lift.”

paige raised her hips, letting azzi peel her shorts down—slow, deliberate, dragging the fabric over her skin like it might tear if she moved too fast.

azzi tossed them aside, and for a beat, just looked.

paige’s thighs spread instinctively. her stomach flexed. her eyes stayed locked on azzi’s face, hungry and unguarded.

azzi dropped to her elbows between her knees, one hand stroking the inside of paige’s thigh, lips brushing against the slick heat waiting for her.

paige moaned—quiet, involuntary.

then azzi kissed her. right there. soft at first. then firmer.

she flattened her tongue and dragged it slowly through the wetness, and paige’s whole body arched off the bed.

azzi didn’t stop.

she moved with rhythm—unhurried, confident, every stroke perfectly placed. she pressed her mouth deeper, tongued her open, and paige was already shaking again.

“god—azzi,” paige gasped, one hand sliding helplessly over her own stomach, the other gripping the sheets.

azzi held her thighs in place, mouth wet, steady, tongue circling and dipping, teasing but never retreating.

paige couldn’t stop moving. her hips rolled up into her mouth, muscles twitching, jaw slack, moans spilling out now without any shame.

azzi loved the sound of it. loved the way paige was so loud for her—the way she didn’t hold back, didn’t even try. so she slipped two fingers inside her, slow and deep.

paige sobbed.

her hand flew to her mouth. her legs clamped around azzi’s shoulders. her voice cracked.

azzi started moving—curling her fingers just right while her mouth kept working, stroking, licking, sucking until paige was gasping between words that didn’t make sense anymore.

“please—fuck—don’t stop—don’t—”

azzi didn’t. she held on tighter. moved faster.

and paige shattered. she came hard—head thrown back, back arched, thighs shaking, voice rough and wrecked and real.

and azzi didn’t stop until paige pushed at her shoulder weakly, whispering, “baby—i can’t—too much—”

azzi kissed the inside of her thigh and pulled back, mouth slick, lips swollen, eyes dark.

she crawled up slowly, hovering over paige, her body warm and heavy against her. paige looked up at her like she couldn’t believe she was real.

azzi kissed her once, slow and deep.

then again, softer.

and again, just to feel her sigh into it.

paige pulled her close, arms wrapped tight around her back.

she kissed azzi’s hair. her shoulder. her cheek.

“you tryna make me fall for you harder?,” paige whispered, breath still shaky.

azzi smiled. “that’s the idea.”

azzi’s pov:

azzi didn’t even remember pulling paige on top of her. one second she was gasping, legs still twitching, and the next, her hand was sliding down paige’s stomach, and then she found her again.

paige hissed when azzi’s fingers found her. “shit.”

azzi grinned weakly. “round two, baby.”

“no,” paige said, voice low. “i’m too fucked out.”

azzi’s fingers dipped lower. “don’t care.”

paige buried her face in her neck. “you’re gonna kill me.”

“perfect,” azzi said smooth and confident.

her hand braced just beside paige’s head, her eyes dragging down the curve of her body like she’d never get used to seeing her like this flushed, waiting.

paige looked up at her, lips parted. she didn’t move. just let azzi take control.

azzi bent down, kissed her chest. the spot below her ribs.

then lower.

she took her time, hands sliding along the insides of paige’s thighs, feeling her twitch at every brush of her palm.

“still wet for me?” azzi whispered, even though she already knew.

paige made a broken sound in her throat.

azzi kissed her knee. “you’re so warm.” she didn’t tease this time. she dove in. mouth open, tongue broad and slow, licking paige like she was memorizing her.

and paige lost it.

her whole body snapped tight, hands flying into azzi’s curls.

“shit—az—fuck—”

azzi didn’t speak. didn’t break rhythm. she licked, then sucked, then circled her tongue until paige was a writhing mess beneath her.

she slid two fingers in—smooth and deep. paige sobbed.

azzi whispered against her, “i want you to come for me again.”

paige shook her head like she couldn’t believe it. “i’m not gonna last—”

“you don’t need to,” azzi murmured, pumping her fingers slow and full. “i want you now. messy and loud.”

and paige gave it to her. she arched. she broke. her legs clamped tight. her hips lifted off the bed. and azzi held her through every second of it.

they lay together after—chests heaving, skin sticking, fingers interlaced between their bodies.

paige turned her head, eyes glassy. “where the hell did that come from?”

azzi smiled sleepily. “i just wasn’t done with you.”

paige laughed, breathless, then pulled her closer until their foreheads touched.

and azzi held her through it.

let her collapse on top of her. let her shake. let her whisper, again and again:

“i love you. i love you. i love you.”

later they were laying there tangled—sweaty, aching, quiet. paige’s hand rested on azzi’s stomach. azzi’s fingers played lazily with paige’s hair. no one spoke for a while.

then paige leaned in, kissed her shoulder. “i’m not going anywhere.”

azzi smiled into her neck. “you better not.”

[accio-victuuri]

i see this floating around cpf accounts so might as well share. I’m also a fan of SDC related cpns so this adds to that. OP shared it but please treat as a fake story cause we can’t fully confirm repos like this. they are saying “JM” but comments, and i personally think this is supposed to be J5, referring to the show street dance of china. There is also a use of JM like it’s used to pertain to a dancer that asked the question.

First of all, JM really talked about XZ, and he would cue him implicitly, including some players who are his fans, and even chat with him. Everyone is very friendly and he is also friendly and will chat. But some obvious things that appeared in JM really bothered him. I hope some fans will not be led by the rhythm.

But there was one thing that I felt was a thorn in the side. During the team-building gathering, some dancers talked about when they got in touch with street dance, which was basically the evolution history of their own street dance. When asked, it seems that the person is also good at dancing. The dancer may not dare to say the name, so it is better to ask directly who?

The dancer said: I have watched some videos of XZ, and I think he is pretty good at street dancing.

WYB: (Direct reply): Not suitable, he is not suitable.

The dancer disagreed and continued: I think his dancing is very sensual, sexy and tasteful.

WYB: Silent and didn't speak

(I was confused at the moment, my mind was racing. Could it be that the relationship was really bad? No, that's not right. I can't just deny others. I just imagined a lot, sorry for saying too much)

WYB: This is a long story. He is not suitable for this. He is good at some normal stage dances but not street dances. He is also analyzed for his personality. He seems to be a gentle and elegant person. Anyway, he is not suitable for this. He also said that I don’t like him dancing these. He is a very artistic and quiet person.

When he said "gentle and refined", I immediately thought of "elegant and upright". Maybe I was CqL poisoned so I mentioned the word "elegant and upright".

(I thought at the time, my god, he is a decent person who is not suitable for doing these actions. This is a bit similar to the feeling in CQL, but the roles are reversed. I won’t say more about the rest, you can experience it yourself)

It’s not a secret that SDC, especially season 3 was riddled with CPNs and the others after that. so i find this really plausible. WYB was also very gracious with how he interacts with the dancers and he created an environment that made people feel it’s okay to say what’s on their mind. What i love about the interaction is how WYB tells the person his professional / personal analysis of XZ. tho he always praises XZ, he is also not afraid to tell the truth.

Fans are putting this side by side the BTS of XZ saying that he likes WYB better without makeup. Some haters took that as a jab at WYB, but it was actually sweet. Plus it shows a deeper relationship, where they can say what’s on their mind. Where they can give an honest evaluation of the other.

I think for their work as creatives, it’s important to have that someone in your life. They will support you, but won’t hold back in telling you what’s up. XZ have always valued WYB’s opinions and vice versa. I just love the idea of them giving their thoughts on each other’s projects — that side of their relationship. It’s not all lovey-dovey. It’s a serious relationship where they can talk about important matters. That’s why i think it’s able to last as long as it did.

I will share this interpretation i found which i liked too. ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

It's really like that... Because these words are not about evaluating Xiao Zhan as a passerby, but a very clear position, with a confidence and attitude of "I know him, it's not suitable, it's not what you said", which is not the reaction of ordinary friends at all. It must be a tone of deep and private cognition.

And he didn't interrupt the evaluation of the other dancer, but then he extended from analyzing the dance itself to personality and dance style preferences, and finally said that I don't like him dancing these. This is completely a manifestation of the desire for control... It's not about controlling him as a person, but controlling this definition (I don't know how to describe it). For example, "I know him much better than you. What you see is sexiness and dancing, but I know that he is not that type in his bones, and he doesn't need to rely on this to be established." It is completely the right to speak between lovers. He doesn't accept others praising Xiao Zhan's sexiness, but he is unhappy that others look at him and understand him in a superficial way.

And he didn't say that he danced badly, but analyzed his personality. These things don't belong to the context of occasionally chatting about celebrity gossip, but a position of "I know his daily state".

It's not just saying that the style is not suitable, or using a lot of theoretical words to evaluate, but from the perspective of "I know him best", maintaining his image, defining his suitability and unsuitability, and even expressing my own preferences.

If he doesn't care, there is no need to say so much, in fact, it is still expressing that I am the one who knows him best, and swearing ownership 🤟🏻

-END.

[sea-lanterns]

Hear me out on the nanny au.. plsplsols..

Nanny Reader, but with a rare pair like Lisa x Signora. oHyesgod.. I'm feral for both of them. First of all imagine how easy it would be for reader to take care of their kiddos. They do give their mothers a rough time, but with Nanny!R they're just so... calm. They are really intelligent, even at a young age (thanks to their gorgjeus moms) and they just get along with Nanny!R so well. It has both of their moms, yes, even the ever imposing and cold Signora, swooning.

Also, just imagine: Lisa is the softer one between the two, easier to get along with, but she's also a huge tease. While Signora, I believe that she takes a much longer time to warm up to Nanny!R, but it'd be worth it! Plus, imagine she's just a secret pervert under that cold personality🤭 Their contrasting characters really make for private fun times, iykwim

Omg Lisanora as a rarepair is something I did not expect, but it makes sense lowkey. Signora as the cold mother that slowly thaws her heart the more she spends time with you. She only thought of you as just a worker that serves her family, but after seeing how her kids —and her wife— enjoy your prescience, Signora finds herself letting down walls.

Signora also learns to be more of a “family woman” as I imagine she was very work-driven before you came along. Maybe after seeing how little Signora spent time with her family, you couldn’t help but scold her and tell her to take more time off. “Your kids and wife need you! I apologize if it’s not my place to say such a thing, but think about taking some time off!”

Signora was…taken aback to say the least. No one has dared say such a thing to her face, even though she was the boss. However, she found herself being impressed by your boldness and following your advice, choosing to spend more time with her kids and her wife. It is when you tell Signora to spend more time with the family that the kids start to behave more to their mothers, and the family starts going out more. Signora even buys you a fancy dress to fit in with the family whenever you go on outings.

Even though you are the Nanny, whenever you go out in public (like to the beach) with the Lisanora family, people can’t help but think you are part of the couple due to how well you’re dressed. Thank you Signora <3

[vodika-vibes]

🐚 if I may drop something in your requests for mermay🐚

I was thinking, like, Merman Wrecker x visually impaired fem reader, who’s recently been turned into a mermaid by her mate, but upon realizing the extent of her blindness, deciding that it makes her more of a burden than she’s worth he just, left her in the middle of the sea, and she’s hurt and lost and alone, and he Wrecker finds her.

Idk I just feel like you’d feel really safe with him holding you as he swims because he’s so strong. Plus apart from the obvious angst it would still be really sweet

Love Is A Choice

Summary: After your mate abandons you, after turning you into a mermaid and leaving you leagues from your new home, you think you’re SOL. Luckily, Wrecker finds you.

Pairing: Pre-TBB Wrecker x F!Reader

Word Count: 1741

Warnings: Reader is not in a very good situation at the beginning of the story.

A/N: So, there's not a whole lot of romance here, but I hope you like it anyway. I had too many ideas, lol

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You were a child when you lost your eyesight, only 12 years old. Or, maybe you should say, already 12 years old.

It’s not like you were born blind.

One morning you woke up in pain, and your parents rushed you to the ER, where a doctor told you, and them, in cold and unfeeling medical jargon, that sometimes the human immune system stops recognizing your eyes and that you were going blind.

It was, quite possibly, the worst thing that ever happened to you and your family.

Your parents divorced, and your dad refused to have anything to do with you—something the judge was not happy about when she found out—though he still visited your siblings. You lost all of your friends, not all at once, but slowly. Over the period of six months they stopped inviting you to things, and then stopped talking to you, and you woke up one morning and realized that you no longer had any friends.

Sure, you eventually recovered.

Mom met a new guy who adopted you after your father surrendered his parental rights to you specifically. With his help, mom enrolled you in a private school for children like you, a school for the blind and deaf. And while there you made new friends. Better friends. Friends who became like siblings to you.

But the memory of how people abandoned you when you first got sick remains. To this day, the memory and the hurt remain.

Those memories made you a careful woman.

You never entered a relationship without making sure that the person you were dating knew just how blind you are and how difficult life can be for you.

Which is why you feel so stupid right now.

Your friends and your parents warned you. They all said the same thing to you when you introduced him to them. “There’s something not right with him.” They said, “He’s going to hurt you, I can tell.”

You wish you listened to them.

Because if you had, you wouldn’t be in this situation.

What is this situation? Oh, well you’re a blind mermaid. A newly minted mermaid, at that. And your mate, your husband, your partner, the merman you chose as your life partner, has abandoned you.

You have no idea where you are.

The water is a little warmer than you’re used to, which suggests that you’re farther from home than you originally thought.

But without being able to see or without having a guide, you have no way to return home. If you can even call that small village home anymore.

He made it very clear that he wasn’t interested in you anymore.

How cruel.

It’s not like he didn’t know you were blind, after all.

Carefully you slide your hand over the top of the flat-ish rock you’ve been sitting on, and as soon as you’re sure that you’re not in danger of falling off, you lay back, press your arms over your eyes, and take a deep breath.

Slowly, you breathe through the anxiety threatening to strangle you, and you relax on the rock.

Your situation is bad, but you aren’t completely helpless. It’s not like anyone can sneak up on you in water, swimming is surprisingly noisy after all. In fact, the biggest threat to you is running out of food.

In truth, you’re not sure how long you were laying there when you hear the sound of a merperson approaching. The way a merperson swims sounds differently than any other sea creature, due to the shape of their fins.

And the person approaching you sounds big.

Well, bigger than your ex, at least.

The sound of swimming stops, and you know the merperson saw you. “’lo there,” It’s a man, “What are you doing in the kelp forest?”

“Ah, well—” You pause, trying to think of a way to ask for help without being too honest, and then you give up, “I’m afraid I was abandoned here.”

“By who?” You hear him swim closer, and then there’s the sensation of him stopping close to you. Not so close as to be in your space, but close enough that you know he is there.

“My mate.” You shrug, as if you don’t care. “He wooed me, talked me into becoming a mermaid and then abandoned me because I’m too much work. Or something.”

“How long ago did you become a mermaid?” He asks.

“Oh, it’s been about a month, I think.” You pause, “I’m blind, you see—”

He’s silent for a moment, and then you feel him sit on the rock next to you, “Did you magically become blind when you transformed?”

“What? No!” You pause, “Wait, is that possible?”

“Nope. The only change is human biology turning into mer biology. My brother could explain it better than me, though.” He shifts slightly, “My point, though, is that he would have known that you were blind before you went through the transformation, right?”

“He knew, yeah.”

He clicks his tongue, “So he’s a fucker, you’re better off without him.”

“I mean, my parents and friends will likely agree. And I’ll get there eventually.” You make a face, “But I’m still blind, and I’m still lost, and I’m pretty sure going back to the house I’ve been living in for the last month is a bad idea.”

“Oh, yeah. If he’s okay with abandoning you here, he’d have no issues killing you. Probably.”

“...cheerful.”

“I mean, I don’t know him, obviously. But since he abandoned his mate after a month, I’m inclined to blame him for everything. Up to and including the Atlantean war.”

“Didn’t that end 50 years ago?”

“Yeah, and?”

A small laugh falls from you, “I’m sure I’ll get to a point where I can agree with that too.”

He bumps his shoulder against yours, “You alright?”

“I feel...stupid. I should have known he was too good to be true.”

“He conned you. That’s on him, not you.”

“Kinda feels like it’s on me. I feel like I should have known.”

“People like him, they know how to pick their targets. He probably didn’t see you so much as your disability, and he saw an easy target.”

“Ugh, but what’s the point?” You hold your hands to the side, “What does he get from tricking me into becoming a mermaid?”

“Well, if I had to guess, I’d say his plan was to leave you here for a day or two, and then return and act all apologetic to convince you to stay with him, and then turn you into some kind of slave.”

“I beg your fucking pardon?”

“Yeah, it’s a con that’s happening more and more often in the small villages.”

Your hands curl into fists, “Oh. Okay. Okay. Now I’m angry.”

His large hand claps your shoulder, “That’s a step up from sad, don’t you think?” He squeezes your shoulder, “Now, as for what happens to you. How do you feel about relocating to Atlantis?”

“Um…”

“There’s a shelter for merpeople like you, people who were conned into becoming merfolk. Not to mention, the Royal Prosecutor is going to want details from you so she can throw the book at your former mate.”

You hesitate for a moment, “I’m scared,” You finally admit.

Strong arms wrap around you and your crushed against a, surprisingly, solid chest. “Don’t be. It’s easy to be afraid when you’re alone, but you’re not alone. You’re going to be surrounded by people who will understand the position your in, and the Royal Family already vowed to help people in your situation.”

Hesitantly you wrap your arms around his waist. He’s warm and, for the first time since becoming a mermaid, you feel safe. That must be his super-power.

“Besides, when you get to Atlantis, you’ll already have at least one friend!”

“I will?”

“Yeah, me!”

“I don’t even know your name…”

“I’m Wrecker, a member of the Atlantis Royal Guard.”

You huff out a breath and drop your forehead to his chest, “Nice to meet you.” You mumble, before you introduce yourself as well.

“Likewise.” His arms tighten around you, “So, what do you think? Wanna come to Atlantis?”

“Mm...can I still visit my parents?”

“Course! I’ll escort you personally.”

You hum thoughtfully, and then slowly nod. “It sounds like it’s probably a good idea, then.”

“That’s great news!” Wrecker sounds delighted, like a child on Christmas morning, “Now, how do you normally get guided around?”

“...my ex used to take my hand and drag me—” You admit.

“Wow, what a dick. So, I’m not doing that,” Wrecker pauses, “Alright, I have two options for you. A fast and a slow option.”

“What’s the fast option?”

“You wrap your arms around my neck and I carry you to Atlantis. My tail is longer and my fins are bigger than yours, so we’ll get back in about half an hour.”

“And the slow option?”

“You hook your arm with mine and we take our time to get to Atlantis. This will take about an hour and a half. Simply because you’re unfamiliar with the area.”

You purse your lips, “I suppose the fast option is the best one.”

“I think so, too. I can give you a proper tour later.” He finally releases you and takes your hands in his. Somehow, it doesn’t feel like he’s manhandling you, so much as guiding you to where you need to go.

He helps you wrap your arms around his neck and makes sure you’re secure, and then he takes off, causing you to yelp and bury your face in the back of his neck.

“Everything good?”

“It feels a little weird, but I’m okay.”

“Great! While I swim, allow me to tell you about some of the services you’re going to be getting due to your circumstances. Starting with the service Octopus you’re going to be gifted—”

As Wrecker rambles on about Atlantis and how you’re going to be much better off there than anywhere else, you can’t help but smile. After you were abandoned, you had been ready to give up hope. You likely would have accepted your ex back simply because you had no other choice.

You’re glad to be wrong, in this scenario.

You hope that Wrecker keeps his promise about being a friend. You could use a good friend. And if he turns into something more? Well, that’s a worry for later.

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[lurkinginnernarrator]

It had been a long shift for Shang Qinghua. A huge accident had happened on a main thoroughfare, and all the injured had been taken to the ER he worked at. And, wonderfully, the woman who usually handled such things with a grace no one else could manage, was away on maternity leave.

The team still reeling from the insane rush, prepared to endure the rest of their shifts.

"Nurse Shang, I have it handled here, you could tend to the quiet one that came in a little bit ago?" His coworker was looking at him with concern as she said this, her suggestion implicit with mercy. Damn, he must look terrible then.

"Of course, Nurse Hao." He gave her a weak smile, and went to the patient she had pointed out. Past and around him was the quiet focus of his fellow nurses, and the fear and misery of the patients.

In the midst of this was a placid looking young man, relaxed and patient in his chair. Shang Qinghua looked down at his clipboard. 'Shen Yuan,' twenty, chronic condition, his visit more of a precaution than anything.

Straightforward, thank anything good.

"Excuse me," Shang Qinghua said, his nurse voice manufactured to exude calmness, comfort and a sense that Shang Qinghua could help. "Shen Yuan?"

Running a hand through messy, thick black hair, and pushing his glasses back up on his nose, the young man nodded. "That's me," He then proceeded to rattle off his condition, the reason he was visiting, his concerns. An experienced one, then. Chronic illnesses tended to do that to people, inoculate them against the rush of adrenaline that a hospital visit usually brought.

Enough to the point that Shen Yuan anticipated all the questions, and knew where to walk to the necessary tests.

Since Shang Qinghua didn't have anymore official dialogue he needed, they were left in silence.

"So..." Shang Qinghua blurted, "You come here often?"

Maybe he should resign. What type of question was that?! Stupid double-shift no sleep and 600mgs of caffeine brain! If his instructor could see him now the man would probably revoke his degree immediately. Shang Qinghua felt like laughing hysterically and also bursting into tears.

How does he recover from this?!

The thin shoulders of the poor man trembled. Fuck! Was he going to cry?! Shang Qinghua barely remembered the section on how to soothe patients!

A laugh sounded through the shining white hallways.

"Not here, usually." Shen Yuan chuckled. "The private hospital I usually use is under construction for a new wing."

"I've never had a nurse ask me that before." He mused, looking at Shang Qinghua like he was a particularly interesting guinea pig, fat and round and squeaking.

"I'm very creative?" Shang Qinghua offered.

He's not crying! A win! No crying patient. Good job Nurse Shang! With the danger passed, Shang Qinghua felt like crying. Where was his shock blanket?

"A, a private hospital? You're kidding right? What I would give to land a job in some place like that..." Shang Qinghua exclaimed, wistfully imagining what a day evaluating some rich eighty-year olds stomach ache was caused by would look like. If he had to deal with one more kid that ate billiard chalk because the parents thought they were safe like crayons...

"I imagine the way to get hired is to send in an application." Drawled the frail looking man, the hospital lights not lending his pale skin any favors.

"Ah, haha, yeah, you're probably right..." Shang Qinghua laughed sheepishly.

"You said you're creative? What do you do when not nursing?" Shen Yuan inquired, throwing Shang Qinghua a bone to help continue the conversation.

"I write!"

"What do you write?"

"Oh... Just some short stories online... It's kinda embarrassing actually." Shang Qinghua said timorously.

Short, as if! More than a million words! More than two hundred women written to appeal to the masses! And to the rich with kinks! Shang Qinghua was actually quite accomplished! No normal author could stand to use the words 'bounce' and 'bosom' as often as he! He was fearless! Adventuring into kinks like humanity exploring the depths of the sea!

But he could'nt start marketing his down spiralling stallion novel to a random patient. The nurse practitioner would have a talk with him for sure, if she found out.

"Oh, so fiction? Not poetry or something?" Shen Yuan asked politely.

"Ah, I've never really had the knack for poetry."

"I've never really been gifted at creative forms of writing either."

"Oh but you do write?" Shang Qinghua asked, his voice going embarrassingly high at the end. God, he needed sleep.

"Mostly analyses, criticisms and the like. I work as a book critic occasionally." Shen Yuan answered affably.

He raised his phone, pointing at it. "I'm finishing a critical analysis of an ongoing novel currently." He sighed. "It's not a very good novel."

He tapped the 'post button' on his screen, Shang Qinghua able to make out the frankly absurd blocks of organized text.

The phone in his pocket made the characteristic 'ding' associated with the website he used to host PIDW.

Haha, that's just a coincidence, right?

Shen Yuan's eyes narrowed. Shang Qinghua timidly looked down to the notification on his phone.

Peerless Cucumber had replied to the latest chapter.

[damn-stark]

Chapter 12 Into the woods

Chapter 12 of Tragedy at the Miller’s

A/N- okay but I kinda really love how this chapter turned out.

Warning- fluff?, ANGST, talks of violence and death, talks of suicide attempt , spoilers for season 2, Remember this is a rewrite not an AU, so the major stuff that happens in the show will happen here :)

Pairing- Joel Miller x daughter!reader (platonic of course :), OC x Fem!reader

Episode- 2x03-2x04, used scenes from the game too

(If you want to be tagged let me know!)

————

“We went to make them pay. Sorry we had to do this the hard way, but you didn’t leave us no other choice. We asked and you turned us down. Now you have to trust that we will come back.

-Dina and Ellie”

“It was stuck to her door?” You ask as you lift the note and show it off to Jesse, who has read it over and over again as if that would bring them both back, or make it any less surprising. It didn’t.

“Yes,” Jesse answers hesitantly as he looks at you with pity and concern, and then flickers his eyes to Apollo with shame. “I’m sorry I came here so early. I really am. I just,” he pauses and focuses on Apollo as if ready to hear his friend get mad at him for involving you, but Jesse shouldn’t worry about Apollo. It’s your Uncle Tommy he should worry about. He seems more bothered by the fact that Jesse chose to come to you instead of just privately going to him. After all, you just barely started talking and getting out of the house; this could mortify you more.

“I thought you needed to know,” Jesse explains his reasoning, but doesn’t make it sound any better to your Uncle. If he had the chance to lie to you about this, he would’ve chosen that because as he looks over at you, he sees you set the note down and drop your face in your palms to try and gather your racing thoughts that don't leave you groggy. You’re left wide awake after reading Ellie’s note—or should you say Dina’s note, there’s no way Ellie would have written so much down. She would’ve made it short and straight to the point.

“I mean, I know they’re both reckless, but to do this? This is something completely beyond reckless and stupid.” Jesse adds, as you start rubbing your temple and revisit what Ellie said, because she’s right, you’re late. Too weak. You knew she was up to something stupid, and you didn’t stop her. You’re too late.

“What do we do with this now?” Jesse keeps filling the silence while Apollo is more worried about how you’re going to take this since you’re being quiet.

“Maybe we can still stop them, or,” Jesse pauses and sighs deeply, choosing to stay quiet instead of finishing what he was going to say.

“Or what?” You finally speak and drop one hand off your face, letting it smack against the dinner table.

“Go after them. I mean,” Jesse goes on hesitantly. “Knowing Ellie, we won’t be able to bring her back now, but maybe we can go after her. Save her and Dina from getting killed.”

Going after her was the first thing you thought of because you know, just like Jesse, that trying to bring Ellie back would be impossible. She’s put her mind to a mission, and it’d be hell to try and convince her to come back.

However, among the many other reasons not to go, you share the most important one that you think about the most. “I’d be the last person she would want after her,” you mumble, piquing all three men’s interest.

“We got into an argument yesterday after the meeting,” you share, and avert your gaze by looking at the note again. “I won’t go into detail, but she basically told me that she never wants to see me again.”

Jesse lifts his eyebrow, expecting more since he doesn’t know the depth of your argument or the hurtful things she said, since you don’t want to badmouth her.

“So you’re going to listen to her?” Jesse asks with disbelief, interrupting your uncle before he can speak up.

��I,” you pause and sit up straight before you take a deep breath and meet his gaze. “I don’t know. I mean, she made her choice. Who am I to stop her? I already tried. I told her not to go, that there is no point, but she got mad.” You say with frustration about your own failures, and because even if you understand that Ellie was mad, the things she said still deeply hurt.

It was the same when you were young. You’d try to help, but you’d always get yelled at and hurt. Only this time it hurts so much worse because it makes you want to die.

It's no exaggeration, that’s the truth, because it’s a truth that is tearing away at you as you speak.

“You’re her sister,” Jesse argues without an ounce of hesitation or shame—“isn’t that point enough? Regardless of what she said?”

You stay quiet and glance at Apollo this time as you think about your other reason not to go.

You have a family now. You can’t just abruptly leave for something that doesn’t guarantee you’ll make it back. They don’t deserve that, and you can’t just do that to them. But Jesse is also right…Ellie is your sister. Would your dad stop from going after her even if she said hurtful things to him?

He would go in a heartbeat, so you…should do the same to help the girl you love, but…there’s so many reasons telling you to stay.

“It is point enough,” your uncle finally chimes in for you and looks at you ever so softly as if a look alone could cause you harm. “Of course, Sunny of all people knows that the words our siblings say at the heat of the moment don’t mean anything, but it’s not easy. For either of us. We can’t just grab a backpack and leave the moment we decide to. Maybe you get that, Jesse, or maybe you don’t. Maybe a couple of years down the line, you’ll realize, but either way, we can’t be as bold with our choices as you.”

Jesse drops his head with shame, and your Uncle leans towards you with even more tenderness. “Don’t break your head over what you want to do. I’ll give you…until tomorrow to think about it.” He says and pats the empty space on the table.

You slowly meet his gaze and feel relieved by his suggestion, and feel that pressure to know what to do decreasing. Yet it doesn’t all vanish.

“Will you go?” You ask your Uncle, knowing Jesse wasn’t asking for permission but more so support before he left.

“I,” your uncle pauses and sits back with his eyes flickering away. “…Don’t know. I’ll think about it too,” he says without looking at you once, but you never give that too much thought.

“Can we really risk being two days behind them?” Jesse blurts, causing your Uncle to snap his gaze to him.

“It’s a risk we have to take and can fix if we choose to go,” your uncle mutters before looking over at you and finding your gaze again. “A day, hm?” He repeats and looks between you and Jesse.

“Okay,” You nod stiffly.

Jesse waits a moment to see if you’ll add anything else, but you go quiet, and your Uncle gets up and looks at him before pointing his head at the door.

“I’m going to head out now,” your Uncle announces as Jesse gets up from his seat. “You think about it.”

You nod again, and Jesse interjects. “Again, I’m sorry I came over so abruptly,” he says, making you drift your eyes to watch him.

“We already told you, it’s okay,” Apollo reassures the young man as he gets off of his chair.

“I’ll go find you later,” you assure Jesse and your Uncle, making Jesse nod in comprehension and making your Uncle linger back before he follows Jesse out of the house, making Apollo see them out.

When Apollo comes back to the dining room, he sees you in the same spot, but this time you have the letter in your hand and you’re reading the letter again with a deep sorrow in your eyes.

“What are we plannin’ to do?” Apollo asks now that you’re in the comfort of each other's privacy.

“I…genuinely don’t know,” you confess and drop the letter to look at him. “A part of me is telling me to go. She’s my sister and she’s risking her life in this cruel world, so even if she says that she doesn’t want to see me again, she still needs me.”

“Tommy is right, when we say we don’t want to see our siblings again, we don't mean it,” Apollo tries to comfort your bleeding heart as he sits across from you to be able to take your hands in his. “She’s mad, but she hasn’t forsaken you.”

You look at him, teary-eyed eyed and finally share everything she told you yesterday. “She said she hated me, Apollo. And maybe I deserve to be hated, I lied, but…how will we go back to what we were? How will she forgive me?”

Apollo sighs and, with a pitiful frown, says a hurtful truth. “You won’t ever get back what you had, but you can get past it. You will get past it.”

You let out a shaky breath and drop your head before you wipe the tears off your face, causing him to caress your knuckles and look at you with more pity.

You’re starting to hate all this pity.

“Another part of me is telling me not to go,” you cut in. “Not for any petty reason, but it’s not as easy as before, you know.” You breathe out deeply.

Apollo nods in agreement before he interjects. “Think about it like Tommy said,” he says without the reassurance that he’ll support whatever choice you make because deep down he hopes you won’t go. He’ll understand if you want to, but it’s like you said, it’s not as easy as before.

“I will, hopefully by today, I don’t want to leave Jesse waiting or have the girls get too ahead,” you say, and let that take over your every waking thought. How could you think about anything else with such a heavy and hard choice to make?

You go out to your garden to think, but you don’t come out with your mind made up, so you try to keep busy inside your house, but nothing comes to mind. You then go for a long walk, hoping that will help you, but you keep debating with yourself. The only thing you end up doing is ending up in front of your dad’s abandoned house.

You don’t know what led you there; whether it’s because of instinct, or because deep down you wanted to come visit his house to find an answer, you don’t know. You just know you’re in front of the driveway, hoping once again that you’ll find him on his porch, but…he’s not there. You can’t even be reassured by the fact that Ellie is in the garage because she’s gone too.

The house is alone. Lifeless and abandoned, with only memories of what was haunting the dust-covered halls.

Even so, as depressing as that is, you still step foot past the threshold that once kept you away, and make your way to the front door.

When you reach the door, you lift your hand with the intention to knock, but you remember that no one is inside, so before you can overthink the matter, you grab the doorknob and open the door.

What once was a warm place lively with comfort, now is a sad reminder of who you lost. Now, there’s no father to welcome you inside, and the smell of coffee doesn’t waft in your nose.

Usually, the lights inside the house were hardly on; he didn’t excessively brighten his house like you or Ellie do, but a light was usually on. Now, there’s only a dull light that fills the house because the sun hides under thick clouds.

Even so, you don’t turn to walk away. For the first time since he died, you step foot inside the house and close the door behind you, expecting nothing; no greeting, no head peeking around a corner, and no distant voice telling you where he is, but oh, the house comes alive with memory.

In the living room, you hear snoring as the TV quietly plays, so you follow the noise and on the lazy-boy, you see the memory of your dad asleep with your infant son asleep in his arms.

In the dining room you hear the commotion of faint laughter, metal clinking against plates, and different conversations across the table, and when you walk to the room, you see a warm light brightening the room and your family dining without a worry, almost as if life held no monsters and everything was normal.

You want to relive just one night. You want to have dinner with the whole of your family again and make one more memory, but the kitchen calls you. The memory of coffee brewing in the kitchen lures you over, and here to keep you company is the memory of you and your dad cooking and doing the dishes as you yapped away and he listened to every word.

A part of you wants to stay to be able to relive through those fond memories, but heavy footsteps thump in the hall, growing more distant as they get further away, so before you can get left behind, you follow after those heavy footsteps and end up at the foot of the stairs.

The haunting footsteps continue to echo on the second floor, but you’re in no rush since you get distracted by the photos your dad hung on the wall going up the stairs.

The first and most recent photo you study is a picture of your dad holding Teddy, who is looking away, but still relaxed in your dad's arms. The next photo you see when you go up a couple of stairs is one of you and all of your family gathered around the table. Ellie and your dad didn’t talk by then so they were at opposite ends, but they were still captured in the same photo, making it seem, without context, that they were a strong united front. If only it were true…

Nevertheless, you move up and the next photo keeps you put longer than the other ones because it’s one of you, Apollo, and your Dad on your wedding day. Your dad was in the middle, keeping you and your husband apart because the old man had a hard time accepting that his youngest daughter was all grown up.

It was funny then, but the memory is even funnier now.

Regardless, you reach the second floor and an end table decorates the end of the hall, holding different pictures and trinkets, but most importantly, it holds a happy picture of you, your dad, and Ellie captured on Ellie’s special birthday trip.

It was a long time ago, and it was the first trip you had together after the big adventure that brought you all together. It's a memory that should help you come up with a decision, but the truth is that you only get more upset over who you lost. So you move on instead, clueless as to what you want to do.

The next place you find yourself in is not Ellie’s bare room. You walk past her room and walk directly into your dad's room, feeling your heart crush when you walk into an empty room holding only memories of him. Not him sleeping on the bed, just an empty room and an empty bed holding a single box.

You grow curious about what the box could possibly contain, so you walk to it, feeling tears fall off your chin and get left on the floor as you hastily reach the bed. Once you get to the box, you don’t hesitate to open it, revealing to yourself that it’s his belongings he had on him when he…died.

There isn't a lot in the box, but you still only drive your focus to his broken watch that he refused to part with, not because it was a trusty gadget that told time, no, the old thing is broken. Which should be a reason to have abandoned it a long time ago, but the watch was a reminder of Sarah, and the last thing he ever gifted her. That’s why he kept it with him at all times, because it felt like carrying her with him.

Why would they make him part with it? Why didn’t they bury him with it?

If only you had been there. You would’ve made sure they were buried together, but…you weren’t there. You didn’t say your last goodbye…

…to either of them…now they’re both gone and you’re here, living on without them. Why?

“Why?” You ask yourself as you clutch onto your dad's broken watch before you turn to look at a picture your dad has on his nightstand, one of before the outbreak. A picture of you, Sarah, and him before the world ended, and where you were happy together.

You want to be with them again, more than anything else in this world. That’s what you want, and that desire, the picture, and the memory it brings, finally lets you come up with an answer.

Thus, you tuck the watch in your pocket and leave the house to go find Jesse first, since he’s more eager to leave.

Luckily, it’s not hard to locate him. You find him in the first place you check; his house, but there with him is your Uncle. They were looking over a map together.

“I decided,” you cut in abruptly, skipping past greetings and asking for explanations. “I’m going.”

“Sunny,” your Uncle Tommy finally parts from the table and approaches you, causing Jesse to back away.

You stay where you are and let your Uncle approach you so he can see how your face contorts with betrayal and frustration.

“I said I’m going,” you cut in confidently. “You can fight me or accept my choice. I'd rather you accept it because by the looks of it we’ll only have a hard time if you don’t.”

Your Uncle sighs and drops his head. “I was just looking out for you,” he explains without as much trouble as it would’ve given your dad to explain. “I’m just worried about you. You’re only now gettin’ better and you have Teddy and Apollo, and I—”

“You were selfish,” you cut him off and step towards him to tilt your head down so he can meet your gaze. “You have Benji and Maria, too, so where’s the difference in that? I can do it,” you proclaim. “I will do it because she’s my sister and she needs me.”

Your Uncle lifts his head, and you follow his movements so as not to lose his gaze. “Meet at my house when you’re done here. We leave today,” you say without giving more explanations.

“Are you sure?” Jesse asks for his own sake.

You look at him over your Uncle’s shoulder and nod stiffly before you step away from his front door. “Positive,” you assure him and then pass him a helpful comment. “Pack the necessities you have at your house. I’ll take care of the rest.”

He offers you a comprehensive nod, so you then face your Uncle and press again to not be at odds. “You go. I go. Simple as that. I’m…okay.”

Your Uncle takes a moment to process that, knowing you too well as to accept that right away, but you're as stubborn as your dad when you want to be, so he chooses to trust you now and gives in. “Alright.”

The corner of your lips tugs up faintly before you then leave and return home with your mind made up, but your heart heavy.

“Apollo?” You call out after you close the front door, but you don’t hear a response, so you walk further inside and check the kitchen and the living room, but he’s not there. You proceed to check the rooms, but he’s not in any and Teddy is not inside either.

Could they be out in town? Maybe.

Yet before you can assume that possibility, you check the backyard, and much to your luck, there they are in the wildflower garden along with your dog Hermes.

You almost don’t want to disturb their peace. You could admire them forever, but you don’t want to risk Jesse getting here and telling Apollo the choice you made, so after a couple of lingering minutes, you join your boys and your dog outside, earning happy reactions from the both of them.

“Ma!” Teddy exclaims and tries to walk to you, but you reach him first and swiftly sweep him off the floor with a beaming grin.

“Hey, cowboy,” you greet and kiss his forehead before you pull your head back as he shows you a single flower he picked. “Oh, would you look at that? Is that for me or you?”

Teddy brings the flower back towards him and stares at it for a moment before he accidentally drops it, making him squirm, so you end up putting him down so he can keep doing whatever it was that he was doing along with Hermes, and so you can take a seat next to Apollo on the bench swing.

“I finally made my choice,” you don’t delay the matter a moment longer, making him pick his eyes off Teddy to look at you nervously. “I’m going. Today.”

There’s no talk about a passionate motivation to go help Ellie from mortal danger. He, of course, thinks he knows why you’re going, and it makes your choice hard to swallow. Not because he doesn’t want you to help Ellie, but because it’s not so simple anymore.

“It seems that my Uncle and Jesse weren’t planning to have me go, but I caught them in time,” you share, but don’t catch Apollo by surprise because he had noticed your Uncle’s intentions from the moment the letter was shared—“So we leave today, just my Uncle, Jesse, and me,” you clarify, but get no big reaction from Apollo. He drops his gaze and sighs before he finally lets his thoughts be heard.

“Yeah, I…didn’t plan to be a part of the trip,” he confesses, leaving you more surprised than he was with what you just told him.

“We have Teddy,” he continues, making you look over at your son with guilt. “One of us has to stay with him. Why should we risk his life, or risk him being left…an orphan if Jackson is safe and one parent who can stay with him?”

You gulp as your guilt digs itself deeper, causing more ache.

“I wish I could go, but one of us has to stay with him, and as much as I wish it was you, I know this mission is important to you,” he continues to clarify his decision and turns his head to look at you while you keep watching Teddy as you try to take advantage of the time you have with him before you have to leave.

“That’s the only reason I’m even supporting it,” he says, and finally brings your eyes back to him. “I just,” he pauses and draws out a heavy breath. “Don’t know how many long goodbyes I have left in me.”

As if you had your breath stolen by him, you gasp softly and look at him with disbelief.

“I love you,” he quickly explains as he sees your reaction. “But things are different now. We have a son. A life together and…I don’t think it’s fair to me or him to uproot it for a trip that may or may not bring you back.”

You avert your gaze and clench your hands into fists.

“You know how much it hurts when people leave you behind,” he points out, making your heart skip a beat while also almost changing your mind. But it’s not enough because your dad's death is in the back of your mind like a plague.

“I do know,” you mumble and look back at him with reassurance. “I wouldn’t be leaving either if it wasn’t for Ellie, but…she…needs me,” you finally repeat your reason for leaving. “Whether she wants my help or not. I owe it to him to try.”

Apollo hums, and you take his hands to make one thing clear.

“But I also know I can’t water dead plants. I know my dad would never stop going after her, but I do know when to stop…there'll be no more long goodbyes after this one.” You clarify, making a soft smile tug on his lips.

“Okay,” he whispers before you let his hands go to wrap him in a tight embrace as if you were already saying your goodbyes when it won’t be for another little while.

“You are the best friend and best husband anyone could ask for,” you tell him as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. “I’m so lucky to have met you. I love you…with all of me.” You say against his flesh, making him grin and hold you tightly against him, to the point you find comfort in his steady heartbeat.

“I love you too,” he redirects. “You are loved so so much, so please come back, okay?”

You pick your face off his neck and rest your chin on his shoulder before you whisper back. “Okay.”

With no promise made and your first round of goodbyes shared, you then continue to watch Teddy play outside for a while longer until you have to go inside to get ready.

About halfway into packing the necessities you have in your house, Jesse and your Uncle finally meet up at your house and wait for a little while, but not as long as they assumed.

“You’re both carrying light,” Jesse points out as he sees that your backpack looks as light as your Uncle’s.

“For now,” you leave him more curious.

“Now,” your Uncle interjects. “It’s night now, so it’s the perfect time to get our horses and sneak out so as not to raise questions, okay? So just act normal.” He says without worry and expects you and Jesse to look the same, but Jesse looks lost.

“What about weapons? Are we just going to stroll in the armory and take what we need? Those are locked.” Jesse asks the most important question. “And food?”

You share a knowing look with your Uncle and Apollo before you decide to tell Jesse the secret early. “We have all that a couple of miles out of Jackson.”

Jesse blinks in disbelief, so you explain yourself further.

“Jackson is home. Jackson is safe, but we’ve been around long enough, and early in our years, we knew this man named Bill. He was…what my Daddy called an end-of-the-world prepper, so to make this story short, he warned my dad to always have an escape plan if we found ourselves in communities, especially because he had a daughter. My dad took that to heart, and he did exactly that. An escape plan.” You reveal with a smug smirk. “He hid a cache just outside of Jackson that he let a few of us know about.”

Jesse scoffs, and before he can feel proud over your father's genius plan, he asks one more question that immediately comes to mind. “Ellie left first. I’m pretty sure she emptied that.”

You scoff. “You really think we would let Ellie know?” You remark lightheartedly. “She would have emptied that a long time ago, knowing her, so we didn’t tell her. Weapons, food, flashlights, and everything we need is already there. I'm assuming you have a path mapped out,” you point out with a hint of annoyance, making your Uncle sigh deeply before he has no choice but to agree.

“We do, we just need to go collect our cache. So it begs the question, are you two ready to go?”

Without hesitation or anything holding you back, you nod to give him an answer before you confirm it verbally. “I’m ready.”

Jesse nods in agreement without so much as doubt, but what follows holds you back, so before you can leave, you turn to Apollo, but not with sorrow and uncertainty to leave. You look at him softly and completely enamored. “I love you. Always.”

He smiles back at you tenderly and without caring that you have company so close by; he smacks his lips on yours and steals a kiss.

Knowing this kiss will be your last, you capture his jaw to press him closer and spark a passion that makes you move ravenously. You almost don't have the heart or will to break away, but you taste a salty tear mix in your passion, so you pull away, but keep him close to take note of every feature on his face.

“I’ll be here. Waiting,” he says, pulling more tears out of your eyes. “My love. My world. My light.”

You smile at him tenderly and have to steal one last kiss.

Before you can part to give your son your goodbyes, you reach inside your shirt and pull out his old Firefly pendant to assure him. “I’ll have you close. Always.”

He scoffs softly and looks away shyly, letting you then move away to find your son in the living room playing on the floor with his toys.

“Take care of each other,” you hear Apollo tell Jesse while you go on your knees to grab your son's attention.

“Teddy, I’m going to be leaving now, okay?” You tell your son who is cluelessly gripping onto his toys. “You’re gonna be stayin’ with your Daddy, so you be good to him, okay?”

The baby blabbers and offers you his toy giraffe, so you take it and press it against your chest. “I’ll keep you close, okay?”

Teddy asks for his toy back, so you give it back with a giggle and then lean in to hug him tightly, causing him to laugh in response.

“I love you, my Theo,” you whisper. “Don’t forget me.”

Teddy stays in your embrace until you let go, and before you can completely part from him, you face him one last time and then force yourself away to make your way to the front door with Jesse and your Uncle trailing after you, and Apollo trailing after them.

Once you reach the door, you give Apollo one last embrace because if he went to see you off at the gate, people would grow suspicious, so he sees you to the door instead.

“Ready?” Your Uncle asks one last time as you face your traveling partners.

“Ready,” you and Jesse answer at the same time with confidence and determination

——

*A COUPLE WEEKS LATER*

Thanks to your travel experience, you were able to help with some kinks to your Uncle and Jesse’s initial path to Seattle to avoid as many potential obstacles as possible. It is hard to know if you’ll come across something as small as a camp or as big as a town, but you avoid cities, highways, and freeways and stick to the woods and backroads where people usually don’t settle, and infected are least likely to roam.

Luckily, it’s just three of you, so you’re least likely to catch anyone’s attention. You don’t have a dog to help you with what you humans can't catch, but you don’t stop to loot anywhere and are never too loud or keep the light on too long. It’s not because you just set up camp to simply eat and sleep; you make conversation, you share stories, and laugh at jokes. You never disagree with one another because Jesse respects the plans of more experienced travelers, and you trust your Uncle, and he trusts you, but there, between both men and you, is a threshold.

Your Uncle sees it, but he doesn’t want to cross it. He gives you space because he thinks that’s the answer, and he likes to think he knows you more than he knows himself, but Jesse is different; he can see what your Uncle is failing to catch. It would be impossible not to, since you're on the road with no one but each other, but instead of getting closer on this trip, there’s always a barrier between them and you, and he can feel it.

Maybe it is because you’ve been on the road with only each other as company, so it’d be hard to miss, but it’s almost so thick that Jesse swears he can almost touch it with the pads of his fingers. It’s where you keep the person you really are and every emotion that riddles that you.

As much as Jesse wants to cross that threshold, though, you never let him cross it. You keep him and your Uncle at the other side and let them see an unusual bliss that feels inorganic.

“I see something brown,” you share, making Jesse search the area around you before he examines the sky to try and find what you spotted, making it the perfect game to keep you and Jesse entertained while also working to search the area for anything suspicious.

“That hawk circling the area over there,” Jesse points out exactly what you had seen.

“Yes,” you praise him with a smile. “A red-tailed hawk, if I remember correctly, right, Uncle Tommy?”

Said man searches the sky until he finds the distant fella and shrugs. “I wouldn’t know anymore. I only made you memorize them so we could get some teaching in while on the road.”

You groan and then look back at Jesse and add on. “Either way, it’s not very good to eat.”

Jesse scoffs with curiosity twinkling in his eyes. “Before or after?” He asks, referring to before Jackson or on your nationwide road trip.

“Before,” you let him know, and turn your eyes away from the sky when the hawk is out of view. “Of course, my Uncle Tommy, here, caught it. I helped…kinda. It moved too much for me, so we didn’t want to risk it then, but I helped locate it after we hunted it down.”

“Pretty much the same thing,” he jokes, making you giggle.

“I’ll say. Okay,” you focus back on the game. “Now you. Go. Last one. Make it hard.”

Jesse hums and his eyes search high up in the tall trees and down low at the horses you ride before looking at every green bush, colored plant, grey rock, and anything else you have yet to cross and that surrounds you until his eyes seem to lock on something.

You try to pinpoint what it is by following his line of gaze and blurting the first thing you see. “Fern!”

Jesse rolls his eyes and turns his attention to you. “No. Not close. Something…you can slip on if you are not careful.”

You press your lips together and search the area he had focused on to try and find what he said with the clue he gave. However, there’s no mud because it hasn't rained. There’s no moss that you can see. You can’t see flat rocks on the ground or any twigs that can get caught under your shoe.

“Bark?” You ask hesitantly.

A faint smirk tugs on his lips before he shakes his head. “No. Listen.”

You strain your ear and catch the call of the same Red-tailed hawk in the distance. You hear different birds chirping, and past that, you hear a rush of water, but you can’t see it.

That can’t be it.

“A river?” You ask with confusion, and as unsure as you are of your response, Jesse actually nods.

“Yeah.”

“Well,” you smack your lips. “That ain’t close. I mean, I can’t see it.”

Your Uncle chuckles from the front of the caravan, and Jesse shakes his head with the smug smile still attached to his face. “Nope, but it’s not I-spy. We just have to find what the other person points out.” He says cockily, so you roll your eyes and sigh deeply.

“Whatever,” you grumble and then nudge your horse to pick up her pace and take the lead to reach the river faster. “We should fill up our bottles and let the horses hydrate,” you share your thoughts with the men who don't question you. After all, you won’t come across another body of water today or tomorrow.

Yet when you reach the river, you find out that it was loud enough to be heard from afar for a reason; the water is running faster, and it's higher than it should be.

“Melting snow and the recent storm?” Jesse asks for reassurance, so you and your Uncle give it to him because that is the only reason the water is so high.

“Yep.” You sigh.

Luckily, a wide tree has fallen over the river, so you will save time and energy by crossing to reach the other side, but how steady is it against the rushing water is the important question.

“We’ll cross one by one,” your Uncle suggests as you keep your eyes on the fallen tree to see if it’ll move.

“But don’t get off your horse. Just keep the pace slow and steady,” your Uncle adds. “Questions?”

You shake your head, and Jesse turns his head to look at him, but doesn’t give any notes. “Yeah. That sounds good. I trust you.”

You draw out a deep breath and nod along. “Me too,” you echo and then look back at the tree before you interject. “Jesse, you go first.”

Your Uncle and Jesse look at you, and they get ready to argue, but you snap your eyes to Jesse and insist. “Go. I’ll go right after you. Just don’t look back. Eyes forward and don’t panic or the horse will panic, hm?”

Jesse finds your insistence to go first annoying because he wants you to get across safely first, just in case something goes wrong, but there’s no point arguing. Thus, before you can waste any more time, Jesse nudges his horse and moves forward.

At first, the horse seems hesitant to climb on the tree because the river is loud and walking on a tree hasn’t been common for them to do, but after some sweet and quiet comforting from Jesse, the horse climbs on and slowly begins to take Jesse across.

You stay behind and don’t dare to move an inch because you don’t want to risk spooking his horse or even moving a pebble on the ground, in case that somehow makes the tree move.

You hold your breath and grow more tense by the second. A part of you wants to rush Jesse so he can get across as soon as possible, but the other part of you is logical and keeps you quiet as you watch every step with laser focus.

No part of you is at ease until finally, Jesse reaches the other side successfully.

“Great job!” You praise and clap for both the horse and him.

“Thank you, now come across,” he urges you without really soaking in the great achievement so as not to risk anything changing in the tree's stability or the rushing water.

Your Uncle takes that under consideration and presses you, too. “You heard him. Go. I’m right behind you. Nice and slow.”

You glance at him and nod in comprehension, but you don’t hesitate or take any of their warnings under consideration. What used to worry you and keep you tense doesn’t affect you now that it’s your turn. You don’t rush across. You take it slow and ease your horse on the tree, but you don’t hold the same anxiety that you noticed in Jesse when he crossed.

You don’t hold a sense of cockiness either. You just don’t care when it comes to you crossing. Maybe that’s what changed when you cross, or maybe it was just the rushing water smacking against the tree. Either way, the movement is small at first, it makes your heart skip a beat, and it makes Jesse and your Uncle move their horses forward.

The second time the tree moves, your horse slips. Yet you don’t react with fear and scream for help when you crash into the water and fall off your horse. You don’t panic when the force of the water shoves you under its angry waves either.

You feel a sense of relief, and when you hit the back of your head against a rock on the river floor, there’s ecstasy that rushes through your blood seconds before it all goes black.

At first, you expect the darkness to be fleeting. You expect to wake up and see the cloudy sky, but when you open your eyes, that ecstasy runs faster when you see your house.

Not your small yellow house in Jackson, no. You’re in front of your house in Austin, Texas. You’re home, and it’s just as you left it before the outbreak. Nothing is overgrown, the windows aren’t broken, and the roof isn’t crumbling. It’s in a perfect state, and you don’t question why it’s so.

You don’t even ask why you’re standing in front of it. You just grin with genuine glee and cut across the lawn. When you reach the door, you hesitate to steady your heartbeat before you open the door and immediately get greeted by everything you once knew.

Everything is the same. Nothing is out of place, not a pillow on the couch, and not a speck of dust. The one difference is that the sun shines through the windows, brightening and warming up the living room. Oh, and there’s a smell. A good smell that awakens your appetite, so you follow it across the living room and into the kitchen, noticing right away that it’s lively past the back door. There’s a long picnic table outside adorned with a simple yet cute white tablecloth, and plates and silverware are set on top of it waiting to be used.

Who did all this? You ask yourself, and slowly walk to the back door to try and see who’s outside.

Yet before you can even reach for the door, someone walks up to the door, someone you spent missing longer than you knew them. Someone you often think about and frequently miss. Someone sweet and beautiful, Sarah.

She’s in a nice sun dress that complements her skin. She dons a small amount of mascara, a pink lip gloss that makes her lips shiny, and when she reaches the door and faces you, she offers you her incredible smile that drives you to her without even thinking about it.

You should have. You should have hesitated opening the door and stepping outside, but you’re too happy and too ready to even hesitate. You just throw your arms around your sister again and hold her close.

“Sarah,” you whisper with a break in your voice as tears fill your eyes. “I missed you,” you add, and feel her hold you back.

“Me too,” she says sweetly, and it’s those words alone that make you feel safe again. Like the world couldn’t hurt you, and you were invincible. You felt like a little girl again back in 2003, and you enjoyed it. You made yourself at home in your sister's embrace in this peaceful afterlife.

“I…I really missed you,” you express yourself again before you pull back and face her sweet and young face, catching your reflection in her light, earthy eyes and seeing your face unchanged. You're just all dolled up in a sundress, just like her.

“I’m still older,” she reminds you, and you don’t deny her.

You laugh and assure her.

“Always,” you say, and then from one moment to another, the sound of a giggle steals your attention. When you look over, tending to the grill is a woman with her back turned to you, so you can’t take note of her face, you just see her hair and the color of her skin, but after that, it’s easy to guess that it’s your mother.

You don’t need to see her face, you know for certain because next to her is your dad.

“Daddy,” you call out with a quiver, and as said man turns to give you his attention, you march over there, but don’t embrace him like you did with Sarah. You face him with your face pampered with tears and immediately try to share your pain.

“Daddy, I’m…it…I’m sorry.” You cry while said man stays quiet, but grabs your shoulders to make you meet his gaze before he wipes away your tears.

“Come sit,” you hear Sarah say from the other end of the table. “The food is ready.”

You hold your dad's gaze, but he quickly looks away to point at an empty seat at the end of the table with a name card you can’t read. Nor do you intend to read right now.

You part from your dad and once again, without hesitation, you follow Sarah and sit at the end of the table next to her. There’s no question about it, and you don’t look back for anyone. You just take your seat and wait, seeing your dad sitting at the other end of the table across from you before the food comes. He then looks at an empty seat next to him and this time you read the name card, ‘Ellie Williams.’.

You gasp and feel a pull. At last, in the bliss, there’s a pull.

Yet you forget all about it when the woman at the grill finally turns and shows you a face you have only seen in pictures; your mother.

She turns with the food in her hands and walks over to you first to serve you.

“Mama,” you whisper happily, earning a sweet smile that makes you want to stay even more so you can keep seeing her smile. You don't want to leave. You want to stay here with her, Sarah, and your dad. It’s a choice, and you want to take it. You’re ready. It’s why you came on this trip, to reunite with them. It wasn’t Ellie who brought you on this trip; it was the need to be with your family, and you’re finally with them. Now, every muscle in your body is telling you not to look back.

Albeit as your mother walks away, you follow her with your eyes and in doing so, you catch the other empty chairs with name cards of their own.

Next to you on your left is ‘Theo Holloway.’ Next to him and in the middle is ‘Apollo Holloway’, and of course, next to him is Ellie.

Their seats are empty, and they will be empty for a while.

That thought makes you feel that pull stronger than before, but you’re still hesitant because of Sarah and your mother. You want to stay with them and him too, but when you look at him, without saying it, he’s urging you to go back.

“Please,” he finally speaks with tears welling in his eyes.

“But,” you try to argue, but stop to look at the empty seats again. “What good am I there?” You ask and look at him again. “I couldn’t save you. You’re dead because of me, and I…couldn't handle the weight of it. It was crushing me. I feel…weightless here. Happy. Please let me stay. I want to stay.”

You will. It’s your choice and you’re making it…

But there’s also Ellie…if you can’t handle the weight, how is she fairing? Dina was there when your dad died, but she can’t possibly feel the same crushing weight or the same heartache that never stops hurting. Only you and Ellie know that feeling, and if you stay…she has no one…

Damn it…

“Daddy,” you say softly, and without saying it he finally smiles at you, making that gesture and his face be the last thing you see before it’s all taken away and you’re in that lodge, seeing him die again for a fleeting second before you’re transported back to life panicked and surrounded by dark rushing water for a moment before you’re yanked out and thrown on the ground where you cough out water and try to draw in the air that will keep you alive.

“Oh, thank god!” Jesse gasps while your uncle grabs your arm to sit you up to pat your back to help you get all the water out.

Once you’ve gathered your breath and stopped with your coughing fit, your uncle throws his arms around you, feeling all the weight of the world rise off his shoulders as he sees that you’re okay now.

“Thank god,” he whispers. “I thought I lost ya there for a second.”

You rest your chin on his shoulder and look anything but relieved.

That feeling will pass, but right now you’re more disappointed than grateful because you got taken away from everything you wanted. Peace, bliss, and your home.

Still, your uncle doesn’t notice that, but Jesse does. He just doesn’t say anything on the matter and instead watches you look ahead blankly whilst you relish in your Uncle's embrace.

“You might have a concussion, so let’s call today a day. There seems to be a town nearby. We can find some to hold up there,” your uncle suggests as he pulls away from the embrace to very swiftly walk around you to check on your head as if rehearsed, or fallen back to old habits from your early years traveling together.

“It’s abandoned,” you input, and let your Uncle check on you, realizing that at that moment, your horse is alive, just soaked and unharmed. You got the worst of the fall. “At least the last time I passed it was. I didn’t even encounter any infected.”

“But it doesn’t mean there isn’t any,” Jesse interjects, making your uncle agree.

“That’s true. What’s the last place you stayed at, Sunny?” Your Uncle asks as he moves away to grab the blanket off his horse to wrap it around you.

“No,” you shake your head. “We didn’t stay. We passed by, but I did see a bank. A pretty big one. It could have a vault.”

Your uncle stays quiet for a moment before he nods. “Okay. We’ll check it out. Come on, let’s get you out of those wet clothes so we can go. You don’t have any cuts or anything concerning, but we’ll just have you stay out of any action for a while.”

“Okay,” you agree without a fight and follow him to borrow some clothes since everything you own, even your horse, is soaked.

Once you get yourself situated, you get back on the road and don’t take long to come across the town you talked about, finding it empty of any people and infected. Or at least, the infected aren’t roaming the streets. If people were here, it’d be obvious, instead, it’s a ghost town, and that raises the hairs on the back of your neck rather than making you feel relaxed.

It's a good thing you stick to the bank and don’t take time to explore a thing, who knows what monsters lurk in the shadows.

“The horses look like they fit through the rubble,” your uncle Tommy lets you and Jesse know before he walks out to grab his horse's reins and leads her inside.

You don’t doubt your Uncle, so you follow behind him with your horse, and then Jesse trails after you.

When you’re inside and making your way further inside the bank, you can’t help but be taken aback just a little by the state of the entrance of the bank. It’s one of the few things you like about this new world; man-made things slowly being taken over by Mother Earth. It can be a breathtaking sight, and the entrance of the bank is one of those sights.

The entrance is collapsed in it on itself, letting in only sparse beams of light inside through broken windows and cracks on the cement, leaving it pretty dim, but it’s the right amount of light to let you see how moss and greenery have slowly claimed the destruction, and the way the puddled rain water glimmers on the ground.

“It’d suck to make it this far in our trip and get killed by debris,” Jesse comments as he follows you, and you follow your Uncle through the maze that debris made.

“Don’t worry.” Your Uncle chuckles. “It’s probably been like this for years. It ain't collapsin’ today…maybe.”

You muster a smile, and Jesse feigns a laugh at your Uncle’s very reassuring comment.

“I see a way inside just over there,” your Uncle points out, but you don’t catch what he does right away. You have to walk in just a little further to see the gap he pointed out, and once you do, you and Jesse go completely serious again.

However, before you can walk through the gap to see what the inside holds, your uncle brings you all to a stop to listen first.

You don’t hear anything right away, so your Uncle grabs a pebble and throws it inside, causing two growls to respond, and letting you see a picture of what you could find inside. Albeit it’s blurry since you can’t be sure if it’s just two infected until you’re inside.

“Okay, Jesse, you’ll go in with me and help me take out the infected. Sunny,” he whispers directly at you before you can argue. “You stay here until I come back to give you all the clear, okay?” He presses, and you part your lips to argue, but he cuts in right away.

“I wasn’t askin’ for your opinion. I just wanted to know if you caught all that.”

You huff and challenge his gaze for a second before you nod stiffly.

“Good. Now keep your eyes and ears open,” he reminds you before he turns away and leads the way again. You don’t cross that threshold, but you walk to the edge and peek out, catching a glimpse of Jesse and your Uncle before you hear the nerve-wracking sound of clickers, giving the answer as to what kind of infected the men will be facing, and making you think about disobeying your Uncle.

You believe that both men will be able to handle the clickers, but it doesn't take away from the fact that you’ll be a big advantage.

Yet, you don’t jump down to the ground floor to join them. You stay put and watch them creep away and get out of sight to try and catch the clickers off guard to make as little fuss as possible.

You try to strain your ear, but you can hear the clicking sound of clickers, which is a good thing. It means their plan to sneak up on them is working.

However, it’s because it’s quiet and you’re trying to be even quieter that you hear the sound of rubble falling in the water. At first, you think nothing of it. It must be natural because of the state of this place, but you hear it again, and followed by that is the sound of bare flesh hitting the cement.

It can’t be your horses because you left them near the entrance, plus their hoofs wouldn’t sound like that. It’s…some kind of infected, and basing it off how quiet it is, you’re assuming it’s a Stalker.

You can only be sure if you look, so you slowly reach for your revolver before you very slowly start to churn your head.

Just as you catch a glimpse of its ugly face and prove that it’s in fact a Stalker, suddenly the monster lunges at you, causing you to scream, and since you’re on the ledge, you lose balance and fall inside the bank with your back slamming on the ground and the infected landing on top of you.

The noise of the altercation alerts the clickers, making Jesse and your Uncle have to resort to charging at them instead. All while you try with all your might to hold the Stalker back and keep it from biting you, and honestly, finding a way to get it off you is quite easy. You can do it, but you choose to struggle. You see the potential in letting it take a nip of your flesh and choose to struggle.

And oh, the thought of having no choice but to accept death's comforting embrace is tempting because it means that you would be able to be there again. The peaceful afterlife you left. There would be no choice around it, you would be there again with Sarah, your mom, and most importantly, your dad.

You’d get to apologize for not trying harder this time. You’d remind him that you love him and that no place could ever be home if he wasn’t with you. Most importantly, you’d be able to feel like you aren’t getting choked and crushed by the incredible weight pressing down on you.

You’d be weightless and pain-free…

Yet just as you start to picture that perfect afterlife, the image of Ellie’s empty chair flashes in your mind, and your mind is bombarded with the thought of her.

Guilt and the reminder of why you chose to live in the first place seeps right back inside, and you gain the will and the might to shove the Stalker off of you.

Before it can come charging at you or go hide, you drag yourself to your ass and hit the trigger of your gun not just once, but three times until you make sure it won’t even twitch.

After that, once the Stalker is dead, you look for your Uncle and Jesse, catching your Uncle hitting his armored Clicker with the end of his rifle over and over again. It’s already dead, but he keeps hitting it with so much force that its head gets crushed into smithereens.

Jesse, on the other hand, seemed to have shot his clicker and left it alone once it was lifeless, so you catch him walking over to you now.

“Is it clear?” You ask as he walks over.

“The commotion would have made any others come out so, it seems like it, yeah,” he assures you, and the moment he reaches you, he offers you his hand like a nice gentleman, so you accept his help and get up on your feet with some struggle.

There’s no sharp pain. Just aches from all the falling today.

Nevertheless, your uncle seems to snap out of whatever spell had him obliterating that Clicker, the moment he catches a glimpse of you standing on your given height.

At first, he calls out your name as his contorted face comes undone and expresses pure concern. After that, he rushes over to you. “Are you okay?” He asks as he studies you. “You weren’t bit were you?”

You meet his dark, worried gaze and feel more guilt hitting you for wanting to leave your Uncle behind when all he does is worry about you.

“No,” you assure him softly, and without thinking, you step forward to wrap him in an embrace that catches him off guard. “I’m okay. Thank you,” you whisper as your eyes get glossy.

“Good,” your Uncle scoffs with confusion mixing with his relief. “I’m glad. Now, why don’t we find the vault to rest? You need it.”

“We all do,” you add and pull back to face both men.

“Come on then,” your uncle says without wasting another minute before leading the way through the now empty bank.

“I wonder why that clicker had armor on,” you fill the silence as you walk past the armored clicker. “Is that how armed the security was at banks?”

“No,” your Uncle answers your curiosity. “There were securities sometimes, but never armed like that. Not unless someone was trying to rob the bank.”

You hum and let a short silence fall as you reach the deposit box area, finding at that moment, an old corpse by an empty duffle bag.

That explains the armored Clicker and the other clicker Jesse took down.

“Oh, would you look at that?” Your Uncle muses as all three of you walk into the room.

“It didn’t seem like it was his lucky day,” Jesse comments as you look at the scene on the floor.

“A lot of people started breaking into banks when the outbreak happened,” your Uncle shares as he walks to the duffle to look through it. “With the whole world erupting into chaos, everyone thought it would be easy to get rich or get stuff otherwise unattainable. I guess nobody thought it would be the end of the world until it was.”

You walk away to look around at all the deposit boxes still locked and hiding riches that will always be hidden away.

“Why would people keep stuff here?” Jesse asks as he also departs from your Uncle to also take a look around.

“Well, this place was protected, so instead of leaving it all vulnerable at home, some people trusted the bank to keep their money or valuables safe.”

“I saw this movie with Apollo once where the bank workers would replace the jewelry with fake jewelry to be able to cash it,” you mention and sigh as you start to miss your husband and your baby.

“Oh yeah,” Jesse chimes in as he snaps his fingers. “I’ve seen that movie before. It was really good.”

You hum and start to drag your feet. “I miss Apollo and Teddy. I wish phones worked,” you grumble and turn as you see nothing worthwhile—“that’s something I miss.”

Your Uncle gets up with a paper in hand and chuckles at you. “You were four before, who would you call?” He teases.

You grab your back straps and start to walk back towards him. “Well, you,” you remind him, making him scoff in amusement. “And I would call…my…dad,” you trail off into a whisper. “That’s all, but hey,” you say louder with a faint smile. “I have people I can call now. That’s why I miss them.”

“We’ll be back home soon,” your Uncle tries to assure you. “Now, thank these stupid bank robbers for leaving the code to the vault,” your uncle shows off. “We’ll be able to stay inside for the night and not have a lookout.”

Jesse claps quietly, and you look over at the corpse. “Thank you,” you direct at if before you follow your uncle to the giant metal door.

You try to help after he unlocks it, but he pushes you away and makes Jesse help open the door.

“And welcome,” your uncle tries to make light of the night. “Take a breath and take the night off from all the worry. We’ll be able to sleep comfortably tonight.”

“Is that so?” Jesse doubts the area, and he has every right to, but your uncle is right.

“Yeah, it is,” you assure him as you walk in first, seeing a skeleton inside. Only this one dons armor, and holds onto a shotgun they seemed to have used to end their misery.

“We would stay in places like this often,” you continue as you grab the armored skeleton and drag it out past the big door so it’s not an eyesore in the room.

“If someone does try to come in, we’ll hear them struggle to open the door,” your Uncle adds. “That will give us time to react. That’s why Joel chose to stay in places like these in the beginning. Sunny was a little girl, so we took extra precautions.”

You don’t comment on the memory or try to recall those old days. You drop the skeleton and walk back inside to wander around, seeing that the deposit boxes are open in this room, so you snoop through them as Jesse and your Uncle gather abandoned money to use for a fire to have light and make the room warm.

“What would the old you from the old world think about you doing this?” Jesse asks your Uncle. “I mean you were all dependent on this, weren’t you?”

“Well, first, I would assume I was insane or crazy rich,” your uncle says. “And second, yes, this was once our livelihood. We didn’t have a lot of it, but…we were happy.”

“I sometimes wonder what my life would’ve looked like if I got to live in the old world,” Jesse keeps filling the silence, making you peer over with an amused smile. “Maybe I would’ve been in construction like you.”

Your uncle scoffs. “Ah, nah. Think bigger. I was lame.”

“You said you were happy,” Jesse counters, making you smirk. “Doesn’t sound bad to me.”

Your uncle goes quiet for a moment, and a match strikes before he offers him a response. “I never appreciated it until after. Until it was all gone. I imagine that was everyone’s life story.”

You turn away from the pair and hear a fire start as you continue to snoop through, noticing a silver ring in one of the open boxes and immediately taking it as you think about Apollo.

“Look at this,” you call for everyone's attention and turn to show the ring off. “You think Apollo will like it?” You ask as you bring the ringer closer, as you see words engraved on it. “His wedding band is good, but I always wanted something better for him. This looks better. Besides, he deserves it for being so understanding of my decision.”

“I think it’ll be nice, Sunny, take it,” your uncle backs up your choice before he also sounds thoughtful. “I should get something for Maria and Benji too.”

You smile at him and assure him. “I’ll keep my eye out for you,” you let him know, and finally recognize that the words engraved on the ring are Latin, but you have no idea what it means.

‘Sic Parvis Magna’

Apollo's dad can probably figure it out. He was a university teacher who taught about Ancient Greece and other ancient stuff.

“Thank you,” your uncle says back. “Now, let's close that door and gather for dinner. We should take advantage of the extra security to get as much sleep as we can before we have to leave. Plus, you,” he points at you. “You need to rest. You’ve been through it today. You need it.”

You hum in agreement and go on to help with what you can, or with what they let you help with. Which is not a lot, they let you take tonight easy because of your concussion and the tumble that left your body aching.

It does feel quite odd letting yourselves be so relaxed though, after weeks on the road having to be on guard and look over your shoulder. So much so that at first you’re all so tense, but after a while, once you’re all reassured that no one is coming in and no infected is lurking outside, you all exhale and let yourselves loose. You share stories, and mostly answer Jesse’s curiosities about the old world because he likes to hear about your Uncle’s past, and no matter how many times you’ve heard it, you never tire of the stories he tells.

There was even a moment when you were all gathered around the fire that you laughed. You genuinely laughed a hearty laugh.

The action felt so foreign yet so…good, like everything that torments you would be temporary and you’d be alright.

Maybe you should’ve hung onto that feeling to try and mend your broken soul, but you remembered why you’re so far from home and the events that caused it, and that small taste of healing vanishes, leaving your world broken again.

Only as you come off this high, you hurt so much worse. As if it happened for the first time. That’s why you can’t sleep, or you choose not to, because you know the nightmares that await you, and Apollo is not here to keep you grounded or make you feel safe.

Staying awake won’t help you feel better about your injuries, but you’d rather spend a sleepless night than have to go through the memories that torment you at night. Besides, it seems like you’re not the only one awake.

In the darkness that swallows the room, you see Jesse getting out of his sleeping bag, so after a while of giving him time to himself, you join him in a corner filled with more stacks of money.

“It’s crazy to me that this paper controlled the world,” he whispers thoughtfully.

“I had a piggy bank once,” you share as you’re on the topic of money again. “I kept my allowance in it. Of course, I wouldn’t get the big bucks like my sister, but I would get dollar bills from my dad, my uncle, or the neighbors.”

Jesse chuckles, and you smile softly.

“Oh yeah, I was really well-liked, but that’s beside the point,” you brush it off and continue with your story. “I was saving up for this beautiful princess tea set. That was all I was saving up for, so when the time came to go buy it, I collected all my money, went to the store, grabbed my princess tea set, and put my money on the counter…guess how much I had.”

Jesse shakes his head before he gives you a response. “More than enough?”

You scoff. “Five dollars. The princess tea set was fifteen.”

“So all that saving up…what was it for?”

You sigh. “Ice cream and candy. I had wasted my money on ice cream and candy. Every time I went to the store or the ice cream truck passed, I used my money. That’s where it all went,” you share with disappointment. “I was devastated.”

“Let me guess,” Jesse adds. “Your dad put in the rest?”

You smile softly right away and nod. “Yeah, he did, and then when we got home, I dressed up my dad and my sister, and we had tea.” You smile wider at the faint memory, but as the darkness once again consumes you, you grow sorrowful.

A silence proceeds to blanket you and Jesse for a moment, letting you both take a seat on the uncomfortable stack of money and focus on nothing and everything the room holds.

“Can I ask you something?” Jesse asks, breaking the silence and drifting your gaze to him.

“Shoot,” you encourage him, making him sigh and welcome a short silence before he lifts his head and turns it to face you.

At first, you can’t make him out in the darkness, but as he lets the silence build, you slowly make out his face, catching a boy-like curiosity. Not one that makes his eyes twinkle, but a curiosity that adds a weight to the conversation, as you know he’s about to be vulnerable.

“How can you put on such a brave face in the face of danger?” He finally asks, making your eyebrows twitch together before you question something.

“You aren’t a coward. I actually admire your bravery and your courage. You're hard to scare, so what do you mean?”

Jesse sighs deeply and averts his gaze to explain himself. “Today, when you fell in the river, you looked anything but scared. And earlier, with that Infected, your face never once showed a glimpse of fear. Are you just used to this world? Or what’s your secret? I’m genuinely curious.”

You falter, and that secret you’ve been keeping from them threatens to come out. “I am scared,” you reveal. “All the time, I just…” You trail off and swallow thickly, feeling your secret press harder to come out as it's just you and him. Your uncle is sleeping, it's just you and Jesse.

Yet it’s the thought that Jesse will know that makes you fight to keep in what you feel.

“I won’t share your secret,” he presses, making your eyes flicker back to him and feel your breath hitch, but that need to keep everything in keeps holding on.

“…I just can’t let it get the best of me,” you continue with what you were saying. “Or it will consume me…” You trail off again and drop your head, hiding that desperate desire to speak your mind.

“I’m sorry,” Jesse cuts in, changing the subject bluntly. “When I went to you about going after Ellie, I pushed. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have.”

You shrug softly. “I needed it. I couldn’t afford letting her get days ahead or even reach Seattle before I made up my mind,” you assure him before you face him and probe. “Why did you come though? Is it to help Dina?”

He scoffs and shakes his head. “No, it’s not just about her,” he shares. “It’s about Ellie, too. I would have gone with them if they had asked. Begrudgingly, but I would have. My friends' problems are my problems.”

You smile in admiration right away as you nod slowly in comprehension. “Nice,” you praise him and avert your gaze again.

As Jesse doesn’t get what he was initially searching for, he boldly crosses that threshold you had kept between you, your uncle, and him.

“What was that hesitation with the infected about?”

You act surprised, but he’s not as patient anymore. He’s persistent and worried.

“I promised my friend Apollo I would look after you, I intend to keep my promise.”

You scoff softly and shake your head, hesitating just a moment longer but finally finding a foothold to slowly tear that wall down. “That day my dad died,” you begin to share slowly. “They caught me off guard, and no matter how hard I tried, how reckless I was, I couldn’t help him. I couldn’t…I couldn’t save him, and now I see it every day as if it happened yesterday. It torments me while I’m awake and in my sleep, and I can’t…it’s,” your voice quivers. “It’s crushing me. That’s why I came…to find an end to my torment because it hurts. It hurts so much.” You cry but immediately cover your mouth to not wake up your uncle.

“It’s selfish, I know,” you say what you assume Jesse is thinking. “But that’s my secret. A desire to die.” You exhale deeply and slide your hands off your face before you keep going as you can’t make yourself stop and need to make it sound better.

“And I found it. My escape. When I fell into that river, I had a choice. I was…home in Texas, and I felt so weightless. Not only that, but I was with…her…my sister, my mom, and…my dad. I was home, and it felt…so good. Every bone and muscle in my body told me to stay,” you whisper. “I felt that need so deeply inside me that for a moment…it was no longer a choice, but then…there was an empty chair with a name card on it. Ellie’s,” you pause and wipe the tears off your cheeks.

“I tried to fight myself, but then I thought of how alone she’ll be, and I know…I know she has you, Dina, and everyone else, but there’s this connection only she and I share. A connection only she and I know because no one loved him like we did and…I thought about how alone she would be if I did slip away, and…that thought brought me back. She did,” you finish saying and keep wiping tears off your face.

“I’m sorry,” Jesse tries to offer some consolation. “And I think you made the right choice. As costly as it seemed.”

You sniffle. “I’m horrible,” you can’t help but spill. “I didn’t even think about my family. I was so ready. It hurt so much to come back because I was with him, but then I wasn’t. I…I,” you can’t finish saying, and drop your head to cry as quietly as possible.

“Just,” you add as you wipe your face and face him again. “Don’t tell anyone, okay? Especially not her. I’ll be good now,” you reassure him. “I’m trying. I am. For her.”

“I won’t,” Jesse whispers as he watches how much you struggle to stop from sobbing.

He had watched you from his seat the entire time because he didn’t know how to help, but now as he sees you crying but also trying to stop, he cups your shoulder before he wraps his arm around your shoulders and pulls you in against him so you can find some comfort in his embrace.

And you do. In your most vulnerable moment, you find comfort in your friend.

——

*SOMETIME LATER. SEATTLE*

“The Evergreen State, home of the Dodgers,” you break the silence as you come across a trail sign that gives two different directions; one that points to Arboretum and the Seattle Trail. You all follow the Seattle Trail, of course.

“No,” your uncle snorts. “Not even close. Mariners.”

“Oh.”

“Los Ángeles was home to the Dodgers.”

You rest your chin on your horse's head and become reminiscent. “Apollo watches old Re-runs of baseball games with his dad and brother. I can never get into them though. It’s the same games over and over again.”

“They could say the same thing about your movies,” your Uncle quips, making you loll your head to the side to look at him with a pointed glare.

“Yeah. I’ll let you have that old man,” you mutter. “Touché.”

You then continue to sigh and glance up at the tall green trees that almost touch the sky. Wyoming doesn’t have trees this tall, you wish there were because they’re so fascinating, but you’re also so terrifying in a sense. They’re like giants.

“I’ll give it to Washington. Their forests are beautiful,” you muse. “They’re so…green…” You trail off and glance at your two trusted companions, catching Jesse not even giving you the time of day, while your uncle rolls his eyes, making you smile faintly before you sit up. At that moment, catching the whiff of something completely foul.

The further you walk, the stronger that smell gets. It even burns your nose, but the smell is not strange. You all know it well and don’t take long to come across the violent scene in the middle of the dirt path.

You are only a few miles in, and you’re already coming across corpses of what were once living humans. Not infected. And it’s not just a couple; just past the thickness of some greenery is a group of them. All slaughtered and all seeming to be donning similar green coats that almost make them go unnoticed if their pale, lifeless face didn’t stand out against the dark dirt.

“Do these look like W.L.F? Could it have been them?” Jesse asks as he studies the violent scene to make sure that neither of the women you knew was amongst them.

“No,” you ease his worry. “These don’t look like W.L.F. They were ordinary clothes and,” you pause and look back at the body of the man you passed with a white painted symbol that was nothing like a wolf. This symbol is like…an eye? Or something astrological?

“…they didn’t have that symbol or use the same coat,” you let Jesse and your Uncle know. “But…these are too many to have been taken down by Dina and Ellie alone. Maybe it was W.L.F. That girl,” you avoid saying her name. “Did hint at Seattle being dangerous. Or something…so maybe this is a glimpse of it.”

Your Uncle hums before you hear him tighten his hands against his reign.

“Whatever it may be,” your uncle comments with his eyes narrowed ahead. “Let’s try not to get caught in the middle of it and hope Dina and Ellie are trying to do the same. Come on, it's better not to stop. Someone could be close.”

You steal one glance at the violent scene, and from what you can tell, they were all taken down by gunshots, and a lot of them died with melee weapons. No firearms.

Maybe they got taken after they died?

Whatever the case, you push away your curiosities and pay even closer attention to the tall trees, just in case there’s people hiding up there like when you were in Kansas.

Luckily, besides critters and birds, there’s nothing else that inhabits the trees, and after crossing a few miles, you find the freeway and thankfully leave the thick of the woods.

You are far more exposed now because you don’t have the cover of the trees, which is the downside, but at least you don’t have to be scared that there's people lurking up there.

Now all you have to worry about is if there’s people lurking around you, or if you’ve been accidentally spotted. So far, everything along the freeway is truly abandoned. There’s no sign of life or Infected, just Mother Earth consuming the manmade cars that were left on the freeway, and the manmade highway itself.

Eventually, you end up at the end of a bridge that either deteriorated or was blown up like the other major cities. Either way, you reach the high point and get the perfect view of the city, wondering instead of admiring what dangers such a beautiful city holds.

Ellie is somewhere inside there. In danger, hiding, close to Abby, or…hurt. You can’t think of the other alternative. It’s too grim and threatens to shove you back into that coma-like state.

“Listen,” your uncle interjects. “When we enter the city. We’ll take our separate ways. Sunny, you and Jesse stick together, and I’ll go off alone,” your uncle brings up without facing you because he knows he’ll see your disbelief and disagreement.

“No,” he blurts before you can cut in. “You cannot come with me,” he makes you shut up. “We’ll cover more ground this way, and I'd prefer it if Jesse didn’t go off alone. So yes, you have to stay with him.”

You huff and pout as you stare off at the nearby city.

“We’ll meet up again in the morning,” he continues and points to a spot on a map you found in an abandoned gas station just before you got into the city.

“What if you end up in danger? How are we supposed to find you then?” You argue either way and snap your head to pierce your glare into him. “The city is fucking huge. It’s better if we stick together! That girl said this place was dangerous!”

“And if we stick together, we won’t even cover a quarter of the city,” your uncle argues and finally faces you. “If we separate, we cover more ground, so I’m not arguin’ with you about it.”

You scowl and look away to grumble your defeated response. “Fine.”

“Take care of each other, and if you find the girls, throw them on your horses or tie them. Whatever it is, just bring them back. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jesse confirms that he understands what you need to do, making your uncle move his horse closer to you to pick on you now.

“We'll meet in the mornin’. I swear.”

You slowly look back at him as you hear his attempt to assure you and keep your frown plastered as you retort. “If not, I will come after ya. I’m not goin’ home without you. Together, remember?” You bring up since it seems appropriate now that you’re traveling on the road like the old days.

“How can I forget?” he says lightheartedly and flashes you a small smile. “Now let’s go. Let’s see each other off.”

Knowing he’s right, but not admitting it, you continue toward the city. Yet the only difference is when you come off the highway, you break apart like the old faded lanes that lead to different streets of what was once a buzzling city.

You and Jesse try to keep quiet as you roam the quiet streets, not because you still don’t have the energy to make conversation. After your heart-to-heart with Jesse, that wall you kept up has slowly come down, and you let your voice be heard more. You’re not just a quiet listener anymore; you join their conversations and tell them stories about everything and anything that comes to mind. Even of the past. Or at least the parts that didn’t stab your heart to recollect. So that’s not why you keep quiet.

You don’t want to draw unwanted attention. You’re already walking through the city on horses, so you don’t want to put yourselves at even more risk by talking.

“We should find somewhere to hide our horses,” you bring up. “We’re gonna stick out regardless, but this way it’ll be somewhat easier to blend in.”

“Yeah,” Jesse sighs as he keeps scanning the area without daring to miss an inch. “That’s smart. One of these buildings shall do it. It’ll help if we keep them close to our way out of the city, just in case we have to make some hasty escape.”

You nod and scan the area until a music store catches your eye.

“There!” You point out. “The windows are covered. Let’s keep ‘em there.”

You nudge your horse to walk faster to reach the store quicker as you feel an inkling of excitement seep through.

Nevertheless, and as expected, the doors are closed.

“I’ll find a way in,” Jesse volunteers. “Stay here.”

Without another choice, you agree and watch him disappear into an alley before you start to look over your shoulders, making sure that you don’t catch anything suspicious, and finding yourself find this silence more terrifying than any monster.

Alas, nothing comes out from any corner or any building. The ghost is clear, and it seems that Jesse comes across the same luck because he opens the doors rather quickly.

“Look at you,” you muse as you hop off your horse to lead yours and Jesse’s inside. “Good job.”

“Team Jackson!” He exclaims and puts his hand up to offer you a high five as you reach the doors.

“Yeah!” You giggle and let the reins go to give him a high five. “Team Jackson!”

“The store is clear and by the looks of it, it has grass growing in so they can eat that while we’re gone,” he says after you return to the horses and continue to lead them inside.

Once he closes the doors behind you and barricades the store again, you let the reins go and let yourself be in complete awe by the store.

“What richness,” you muse as you take in all the different kinds of music that's still left behind. “If only I had infinite space in my backpack. I’d take it all home, oh, and look!” You point out and run over to the folk section to snatch a Joan Baez album off the shelf. “My queen of Folk music, Joan Baez. My uncle said my mama loved her.” You smile at the album but also curse the fact that you can’t play it right now.

“If only we had room. All this music wouldn’t collect dust at Jackson,” Jesse says, thinking more selflessly, whereas all you think about is your collection. “I’m sure…people would love to hear some of that be played at a fall fair?” He asks as he tries to discreetly press you to rethink about your abandoned dream of having a fair at Jackson.

Lately, him and your uncle have been bringing up the idea, but that excitement and dream died with…your dad. You just let both men try to insist because you don’t want to be rude and turn them down. They can still have a fair, you just won’t be a part of it.

“Hm, maybe,” you say without that initial enthusiasm, and put the album down to start walking down the site with your fingers raising the dust off the music people forgot about.

“Let’s head out before we lose more time here,” you bring an end to all the excitement and return a sorrow that was such a constant companion in your group.

Once you collect the things you need and go back outside, the tension lingers until you speak up “Joan Baez has a song called ‘Jesse’. Fun fact.”

Said man glances over at you and probes. “Really?”

You glance at him, too, and nod. “Yep. When we get back home, listen to it. Maybe it’s not your thing, but it’s still cool. You can pretend she’s singing about you, considering your girl might have been stolen.”

He rolls his eyes but doesn’t get hurt or bothered by your comment.

“Maybe you are right,” he mutters. “After this. Maybe I’ll take your advice about officially cutting things off.”

You pat his shoulder. “Yeah, I would like that for you. You’re young, take advantage of that and explore your options. Or don’t. Up to you. Maybe you’ll meet someone here. Won’t that be romantic?” You tease, making him crack a smile.

“I guess I’ll see. Maybe this trip has changed Dina. Maybe we can work things out,” he says, and as to not take sides, you give him the benefit of the doubt.

“Yeah. Maybe. We’ll have to find her to know. Hopefully they’re okay,” you trail off into a whisper.

“I’m sure they will be,” he tries to assure him and you. “They’re smart and work well together.”

You hum in agreement, and as you scan the area as you turn the corner, you think about Ellie and hope with every fiber of your body that she’s okay. You can’t…imagine her not being okay. The thought, it…utterly terrifies you and threatens to send you down that dark cycle again…

That’s why you hang onto Jesse’s attempt at reassuring you as you wander the streets of Seattle, trying to go undetected by the threats that make this city so dangerous.

However, just as you note how calm and quiet it’s all been, Abby’s warning starts to come into fruition as out of hiding, canisters hit the ground.

Jesse and you catch where the canisters land and notice that they’re smoke screens, but no matter how fast you react, you can’t avoid them. They go off, and your ears begin to ring, while your eyes begin to sting because of the thick clouds of smoke, and your lungs get polluted by the same poison, leaving you dazed and desperate to find Jesse.

He was next to you, he can’t be far.

“Jesse?!” You call out between coughs and pull out your gun as you begin to walk in the direction he was just in before the smoke broke you apart.

“Jesse?!”

Seconds later, your name is shouted back, and the smoke begins to clear from the air and your body by the second, so you’re less dazed, but you still can’t see him. Or anything else for that matter. You can only hear different footsteps all around you.

“Jesse!”

“Here,” a stranger speaks up for the man you’re looking for and comes out of the smoke with a mask and gun.

In response, you point yours at your head, but then, from behind you, before you can shoot, something cold and hard hits the back of your head, leading to a void of darkness.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N- some game scenes are you excited??

Tagged- @slut-f0r-u @star-wars-lover @maplecohen @givemylovetoall @itzagothamcitysiren @sammy-13 @beloved-reblogger @emiriia @rues-daya @sunfairyy @littleshadow17 @mcu-starwars @bigtuffswordboy @riaqiax @dheet @queenofthekill @joliettes @d4rno @hardbeingcasual @rana030 @pedropascalluvr41 @ahoyyharrington @beaniebeensbaby201 @maeneedsabreak @maelartasch @adristyles @daughterofthequeen @alastorhazbin @sunsumonner @khaylin27 @hypatia93 @hummusxx @v4mpyk1tten @1donoow @your-shifting-gurl @g4ns3y @izzzzy-the-amazing @aphr0d1teh @lovelyygirl8 @ivy-taylorsversion @mmkkzz @avitute @fuckmebobboys @kitdjarin1 @barnes70stark

[alexanderlightweight]

Hi, an another prompt, because I love your writing. I understand it takes time to fill.

Prompt for stronger ties: Magus and Alec enjoying their honeymoon and maybe meeting Ragnor and Cat. Or The Institute, and Alec’s family panicking over his disappearance.

SFW/ NSFW

thank you for the understanding <3 and I appreciate the prompts! last part here

this was supposed to involve Cat and Ragnor but Malec are having too good a time on their honeymoon currently and Alec has decided that since Izzy and Jace are at least safe, they can handle the fallout along with all the people who have more authority than him (aka Lydia/Imogen/maryse etc).

Alec's tired, okay? Nothing has been going his way AT ALL, his whole family got implicated in treason (again) and then actually committed several flavors of treason and also implicated Alec. so Alec is tired. maybe he'd be less 'fuck them' if he'd been there to see Jace and Clary 'heroically try to save the day' except they didn't save the day and he knows that.

Suddenly one thing goes his way. he saves his sister. he might lose the institute but that's better than losing himself to a marriage that isn't doing anything to help his family when push comes to shove. Alec has a marriage now that actually gave him something worthwhile (Izzy not being deruned when Lydia couldn't do anything)

alec's like: this one thing? this is mine now. goodbye and ty for coming to my talk.

i hope you enjoy <3

-lumine

the stronger of claims

Alec wakes to silk sheets as soft and luxurious as he’s imagined Magnus’ many shirts are. Golden light dapples across his body and he groans, despite his muscles being fine he feels as if he’s been thrown through several layers of concrete by a demon.

The bed smells like Magnus.

That’s the only thing keeping him calm and then there’s a deep chuckle against his back and Alec realizes there’s an arm around his waist and cool rings pressed against the skin of his belly.

“We go' marri'd.” Alec means to be articulate but it comes out in a hoarse slurry of words and Magnus laughs again, louder this time.  His warm muscles shake Alec’s body with his humor and Alec presses back into his warmth greedily.

Whatever it is that has Alec unable to think straight, being closer to Magnus helps.

“We aren’t married darling, we’re bonded. Which is something far more permanent than marriage. In fact, even by Clave standards a bond like ours is higher than marriage. So give your pretty head a break, your attachment to Lydia is no longer viable.”

The small pulse of sadness that went through Alec at the thought that they aren’t actually married is swept away by relief at Magnus’ words.

“Good.”

That’s about all he’s able to say really and if he had more energy, Alec would turn so he can burrow his nose into Magnus’ chest.  Instead he just wiggles back, content when Magnus chin slots against his shoulder, stubble tickling Alec’s skin.

“Izzy?”

Magnus wouldn’t be here, calm and with the magic between them settled if she weren't okay but still, Alec has to ask.

—-

“Safe and sound though demoted for the next year and with a few other restrictions, shadowhunter business. Once I knew she was safe I didn’t pay quite as much attention I fear.”

A lie, but Alexander is too tired to listen beyond the relief of knowing his little sister is safe.

Alexander falls back asleep before Magnus can ask him anything important and while he’s already moved the loft, that doesn’t mean Magnus needs to be obvious about where they are and staying in Brooklyn is obvious.

Within half an hour Magnus is booked at one of the most private and luxurious selkie run resorts and is portaling both himself and Alexander to one of their private bungalows. The one half of a wardstone he’s been given is the only reason the coordinates even work, or they’d have to take a boat. 

After all, they can be tracked on land but on the water, they’ll be untraceable.

Instead it’s out on the ocean, magical stilts holding up water worn wood and crystal and ocean mined rock that create a paradise of beauty without interruption.  

Mundanes can’t sail through this area, it doesn’t exist to them and the wind wards will redirect their boats and bodies, no matter what.

It also means they’ll be completely impossible to track, which will be necessary once Alexander’s family remembers he exists and is missing.

Honestly, the fact that over twenty-four hours have passed since Alexander first came to him and yet Magnus has yet to receive so much as a text or fire message.  That kind of behavior says more than enough about his boy’s family.

They’ll need to make a stop at the Labyrinth after their honeymoon. Alexander’s new status will need to be documented and recorded and the vows he’ll need to swear as Magnus’ consort will need to happen as soon as possible.

But still, after this.

Alexander wakes to sunshine, cradled by both Magnus arms and the hammock he magicked them both into.  

There’s awe on his face as he looks around and almost knocks them both out of the hammock and into the water with a laugh as he sits up.

“Keep it up and I’ll let you fall in the water.” Magnus threatens and Alexander just grins cheekily at him, as if the pain of the new bond has finally faded and then his boy tips himself out of the hammock.

Magnus curses.

Not from the seawater splashing him, but from the fact that Alexander doesn’t immediately surface.  There’s a moment where concern and terror grip him, and then Alexander is surfacing further away, a look of delight on his face and he’s holding... Magnus deliberately drops his glamour to get a better look.

“Why are you holding a fish, Alexander?”

Alexander grins at him, hair slick and half in his eyes as he treads water.

“To eat? It seems pretty isolated out here. Aren’t you hungry?” While Magnus could eat again — he’s made sure to eat while Alexander slept — it’s not surprising that his boy is ravenous. What is surprising is that he caught a fish rather than just asking for something.

“Yes darling, but that’s what I have magic for.” 

Alexander looks dubious as he swims closer, somehow holding onto the slick fish with only one hand before pulling himself and the fish up onto the dock where he drops it pointedly in an empty bucket. Magnus resigns himself to losing this argument even before it's begun.

“But fresh fish tastes the best.” Alexander has his arms crossed and is pointedly staring Magnus down as Magnus tries to avoid looking at both Alexander and the suffocating fish he can hear flailing around the bucket .

“I can summon us the freshest of—” Alexander’s eyes darken with sadness and Magnus sighs and deliberately doesn’t pinch his nose. “Do you know how to dress and cook fresh fish?”

Alexander does it seems.  

He’s a little unsure and lacking in confidence once they get into the kitchen but it seems he knows how to clean and dress a fish.  Magnus even summons an apron for him, some dark purple piece he’d once gotten for Cat and Alexander just asks Magnus to help him tie it.

The real hiccup starts when Alexander summons a small blade to his palm, the knife glowing and bright as it unfurls.

“If I use an adamas blade to clean the fish, will you be allergic?” 

It’s such an absurd thing to consider but also an absurdly thoughtful check-in and Magnus has to kiss Alexander. Ignoring both the still wriggling fish and the small glowing blade his consort is holding. Magnus is also trying not to mention how there is an entire knife-block and drawer full of sharpened knives already in the kitchen that Alexander could use instead.

“I’ll be fine darling. Also I’m summoning bread and side dishes. We are not eating just fish, Alexander. There is a limit to my tolerance.”

There’s a huff of protest but when Magnus looks at him, Alexander is grinning down at the fish he’s cleaning, eyes soft and cheeks vibrant with delight.

It’s a look Magnus has never seen on Alexander before and while that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise — they barely know each other all things considered, it means something. Magnus doubts that this is a normal or frequent expression on Alexander's face and yet something as simple as this, teasingly arguing about dinner is enough to bring it out.

They eat on the dock.

So far Alexander hasn’t asked a single question about why Magnus portaled them somewhere else and seems to be ignoring everything else beyond enjoying himself.

Magnus summons a thick blanket and they sit in nothing but boxers with their feet in the water as they eat.  The fish is delicious. Flaky and succulent and with plenty of lemon and from Alexander’s smug face, he knows exactly how good it is.

However, Alexander’s face when he bites into the bread Magnus summoned is just as delighted and before Magnus can tease him, Alexander’s already recanted his previous statement.

“So from now on, I’ll fish and you summon everything else?” Alexander asks, almost eager as he eyes the now empty basket of bread and Magnus summons another, just because he can.

And of course for the way Alexander smiles at him, crumbs catching on his growing stubble until Magnus wipes them away.

“I’d rather not eat fish every meal, Alexander. The selkies running this place might consider your efforts an effective show and try to woo you away from me.”

Alexander scoffs at the thought and Magnus laughs, because while he’s not completely joking he also simply has no wish to eat seafood for every single meal.

Besides, he plans to keep them there for at least five days. That might be a bit long considering whatever crisis the shadowworld is currently going through, however Magnus kicked up a bit of a hornets nest for the Clave.

It will be days before Imogen Herondale thinks of anything besides her newly ground grandson, something Magnus will still need to explain to Alexander at some point.

AN:

Alec: i'm with Magnus and we're on water so we can't be tracked. I know nothing. i'm living my best life... oh fish. Magnus might like fish too.

Magnus: ... look I understand that fresh fish is best but that doesn't mean I want Alexander fishing with his bare hands when his hands could instead be on me?? is this hard to understand? I can summon fish still alive so they're the freshest of fresh but I want my consort's hands all to myself. this is not complicated.

Alec *wakes up in paradise aka Magnus' arms and in a really nice place*: so this is new- nice. I meant nice. this is totally normal and where I went to sleep. carry on.

Magnus: ... you don't want to know where we are? or how long we'll be here? or even why we are here?"

Alec: if I ask questions then you'll give me answers and right now, I just want to exist with you. reality doesn't exist outside us right now. that's my stance.

Alec: I don't have to marry lydia? I don't have to wear her rune? or kiss her? or make medically induced babies I don't want with her? I am on vacation and I don't care if the institute explodes or implodes or whatever. it goes to hell whether i'm there or not and literally everything is above my pay grade right now. that's what my mother, Lydia and imogen exist for. they can deal with it.

Magnus: darling, don't you need to return to the Institute at some point? i'm not complaining, you just haven't mentioned it once

Alec who is sharpening a wooden spear to use for fishing looking up, eyes glinting violently: what institute, Magnus?

Magnus: your... ah. well I suppose it's not really your institute anymore, is it?

Alec: no. no it isn't. therefore, are the problems mine?

Magnus wisely shaking his head: no darling, of course not.

Alec: when they want me back, they can contact me. I currently don't hold an active rank in the Institute. I'm technically just an off-duty Commander sometimes pulled onto teams. and while Lydia's been relying on me to run things behind the scenes, she can just do them herself or delegate. this is our honeymoon, isn't it? why are you trying to cut it short?

Magnus: you're completely right. forget the institute. I shan't bring it up again, now darling did you say you saw oysters?

*honestly i'm still not sure what path Alec's going to take in this verse. he's kind of at the point where he's not sure either

[wonlouvre]

chapter one: band aids | masterlist

pairing: attorney!female oc x doctor!jeon wonwoo genre: fluff, angst, arranged marriage, modern royalty word count: 3.2k author’s note: chapter one!! thank you for waiting <3 likes, reblogs, and feedbacks are higly appreciated <3

--

The first and last time Wonwoo called you was when he apologized to you. The memory of it is painful for you to think about, but it was a conversation you have kept close to your heart. It was brief, but long enough to assure you that he was okay. Long enough to hear his voice, which you barely had the chance to hear in the first place, but again, long enough to make your heart skip a beat. Long enough to leave a lasting memory to you, whether it be sad or happy. 

It was relieving, maybe. 

When Wonwoo left, all you did was study as a way to distract yourself and took the bar examination. You passed, thankfully. However, despite the distraction, you couldn’t practice your profession due to your royal duties that needed attending. After all, it was what you were prepared for ever since you could talk and walk. 

Just like today. You are to stand in front of hundreds of your people as the Crowned Prince Wonwoo of the Kingdom of Changwon finally resumes his royal duties and starts it off with visiting your homeland, the Kingdom of Seoul. 

Wonwoo is back, the thought of it keeps replaying inside your head. During breakfast, your team goes over what will happen at the official event, but Wonwoo is back. Inside the study of His Majesty, your father, he goes over your special message to be spoken to the crowd, but Wonwoo is back. And while Her Majesty, your mother, helps with fixing a flower pin on your hair, Wonwoo is back. 

For some anxious reason, you can’t form any coherent thoughts because the only thought that’s running through your mind is that Wonwoo is back.

Jeon Wonwoo is back. 

You tried your luck and asked if you could speak with him first so that you two could go over everything and just be prepared before facing your people. But unfortunately, His Highness' flight was delayed and his protocol team had to reroute. He would go straight to the event venue instead of the palace, steering away from the original plan. The Kingdom of Changwon extended their apologies and your parents could care less because all that mattered was your future husband is back. 

You’re afraid. As much as you want to jump and rejoice at his return, you’re afraid of the scorn expression on his face similar to what you saw back when you were sixteen years old. You’re afraid to look him in the eye and see how the light in them has dimmed. You’re afraid because to this day, you still can’t help but blame yourself for everything that has happened. 

“Your Highness, it’s time for us to leave,” Jeongyeon, the head of your protocol team, calls your attention. “We have been notified of the Prince’s arrival at the airport ten minutes ago. His Majesty is on his way now.”

You take a deep breath and nod your head in acknowledgement before standing up, smoothing down the dress you're wearing in an attempt to dry the sweat on your palms. 

Jeongyeon speaks to the discreet microphone on her coat and the big doors finally open. 

—

The Kingdom of Changwon pledged to donate and fund new public school buildings to the Kingdom of Seoul five years ago. It was to show the neighboring Kingdom’s alliance and support in your Kingdom’s advocacy to provide safe and student friendly facilities for your students. But in a private meeting, Wonwoo’s parents, Their Majesties, declared beyond that, it also serves as a seal of your long awaited union. 

You wholeheartedly appreciate the gesture, but you are still in contemplation. Stuck with the guilt and constant asking of “What about Wonwoo? What does he think?”

What do you even think about at this point? 

The pressure builds and Jeongyeon could tell how nervous you are. And it’s not even about being nervous in front of people. You have done these kinds of events countless times before. She knows you’re nervous to come face to face with His Highness, Prince Wonwoo, again. 

Your brain is going to overdrive with the amount of what ifs inside your head. Jeongyeon could see how absent your eyes look, completely bothered. But, it’s too late to pull you aside and give you the time to collect yourself. So, it’s up to Jeongyeon to guide your whole team by giving strict instructions to be still on guard while avoiding going all overprotective on you in front of the public. The last thing they need are the tabloids assuming the wrong things and shaking things up for the worse. They trust your strong capability to hold yourself up and right now you need them to help you maintain so. 

Proceeding as usual, you step out of your official car once your team is ready. The crowd was loud in saying their warm greetings, making you feel a little bit at ease. You brave through the loud (and some rude) shouts of the press and put on your best smile. 

With Jeongyeon’s signature hand signal, you walk up and climb the stairs together with security and continue smiling and waving to the best that you can. You arrive at the top swiftly, but before entering the opening doors, you turn to face the crowd and give them a smile one last time. 

“Prince Wonwoo arrived a few minutes ago,” Jeongyeon whispers to you and you just nod.

You’re going to be okay. It’s just one event among many. You will be fine. It’s just an inauguration. A public event you always do. This is not the first time. It’s just Wonwoo. Just keep walking with your head up high, smile and greet everyone like you normally do.

Yes, it’s just Wonwoo, you convince yourself and control your breathing.

It’s just Wonw—.

Once the door shut, you fail to notice a small bump and trip on the carpet. You hear the audible gasp of everyone and the room falls awfully silent. You feel a stinging pain on the skin on your left foot, perhaps because of your other heel scraping it accidentally in your futile attempt to avoid completely falling face flat on the floor. 

Wait. I’m supposed to fall and be on the floor, right?

You didn’t fall, at all, because of two muscular arms catching you right on time and holding you up. Actually, it looks like you are being hugged in your position. You’re faced to a chest belonging to what you believe is from a man. Maybe it’s your security, quick to jump in action. 

But upon seeing the familiar pin of a flower you’re definitely sure is not your kingdom’s, your eyes immediately shoot up to look at your savior. 

Jeon Wonwoo.

“Are you okay?” He asks. He speaks! 

His Highness, Prince Wonwoo. 

Everyone is standing still as they wait for your answer. But you can’t seem to make a single sound, mouth ajar in surprise upon finally seeing Wonwoo and how unreal he is. 

Wonwoo waits and waits for you to answer him until Jeongyeon finally intervenes and helps you back on your feet. It was a good fifteen seconds before you were whisked away from Wonwoo’s arms, separating you two by a small distance. 

You try to laugh it off gracefully and raise a hand at everyone, telling them that you’re okay and they could continue to do whatever they were doing. You turn back to Wonwoo to properly address him (and apologize). But before you could say a word, he turned to Jeongyeon. 

“Kindly bring me a first aid kit while I take the Princess to the powder room to freshen up,” he says with his tone so direct, Jeongyeon moves at the speed of lightning. 

You open your mouth to protest, “I’m fin—”

“Mingyu, kindly lead the way,” Wonwoo doesn’t hear you out and turns to who you assume is his right-hand man. He is also tall. They are both very tall. Mingyu only nods and walks ahead.

And just like that, you’re whisked away again. But this time, your hand is gently held by Wonwoo.

—

You never imagined that a day like this would come. Such a day where you would trip, injure your foot and embarrass yourself not only in front of a whole room full of people, but in front of Wonwoo. You slipped into his arms and you wanted the ground to eat you up.  But rather than dwelling on those thoughts, you can’t help but grow awkwardly shy in front of him as he tends to the cut on your foot. 

Prince Wonwoo. Doctor Wonwoo. Husband-to-be Wonwoo.

How long has it been?

What made him come back? What encouraged him to do this? What is even happening? 

Yes, it’s maybe Prince Wonwoo just doing his job. But, over the years of his absence, you assumed he would never come back. You were preparing yourself. The backlash, the gossip, the pity. It would not take long for people to talk and speculate that you are not to marry the Crowned Prince of Changwon because of someone else. 

You want to ask so many questions. You want to know everything. Yet, all you could do is stare at him. His hair has grown longer which was styled accordingly to show his forehead and well-groomed eyebrows. His nose you have always wanted to boop. His eyes that always shine with either the most piercing gaze or childlike joy. He’s still even wearing the same black rimmed glasses he’s been wearing ever since. 

All you could do is sigh to yourself. 

Wonwoo gently places the band-aid presented by Jeongyeon on the small, but awfully painful, cut after disinfecting it. There was a medical team present and you were more than capable enough to do it yourself but the doctor in him had to win. He gives it a pat then looks up to you with a soft smile, his hold never leaving. 

Your heart skips a beat, you almost forget to smile back. 

You wish you could ask him how he is. You wish he could look at the longing in your eyes and comprehend how sorry you were and until now. You wish you could have met again somewhere else. You wish that for the first time in after a while, things were different.

The Prince cranes his head to the side, still softly smiling as he tries to decipher why you’re looking at him like that. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Are you? 

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

Wonwoo offers his hand to you. “Then, shall we?”

You just realized that you can count by your fingers the amount of times the public has seen the two of you together. It’s not that many. Around twice and today being the third time. It wasn’t necessary to be seen together in the first place. But as public figures, you’re expected to be out and about. 

Maybe that’s why your people and the press were more than enthusiastic. 

The ribbons were finally cut after the delay caused by your unfortunate accident earlier. The cheers and claps of the crowd are loud enough to resonate across the whole town. You continue smiling and shaking hands with everyone present as they express their gratitude, most especially towards Wonwoo as the representative of the Kingdom of Changwon. 

The Officer-In-Charge of the donated school turns to you and Wonwoo and bows. “We’re grateful to have you here, Your Highness.”

“We are as well.” You smile and look at Wonwoo, your eyes encouraging him to speak as well.

Wonwoo extends his hand to the kind official before saying, “On behalf of the King and Queen, congratulations on the success of the building and opening of this school. They look forward to the excellent service this shall serve your people.”

In your eyes, right this moment, Wonwoo is the most regal person. You don’t know him personally enough and how he is in his own engagements as the Crowned Prince of Changwon or how he is when he’s around his friends, but Wonwoo is living up to the crown that was bestowed upon him. 

It keeps making you wonder if anything has changed. If he’s still angry, because you know he was. If he’s still hurting, because you know he was. If he’s still in love, because you know he is.

You feel like you’re squeezing your own heart with the endless questions you want to ask, but never will. What will happen after this event ends? Will you only see him again on the next public appearance? How long will that take?

You don’t even know if you’re considered acquaintances enough to be able to hold a conversation with him other than a royal duty related one. 

You just want him to know that, “Hey Wonwoo, I… hope you’re okay.” … and that, I am still in love with you.

—

The engagement between you and Wonwoo was prolonged, much to your parents' dismay. Yes, you did meet Wonwoo at sixteen, but you were still in high school. Fast forward to university, Wonwoo had a girlfriend that wasn’t you. You would think, as a way to escape conflict, that Wonwoo was just going through a case of puppy love. You would believe, as a way to comfort yourself, Wonwoo would accept his fate as the Crowned Prince and eventually, accept you. 

But, you two were already adults with real feelings and understanding of everything that was happening around you. And despite Wonwoo’s insistence, he was still treated like a child that had no say with his own life. 

Oftentimes, Wonwoo would not attend the dates your parents would arrange whether it's just the two of you or with both Their Majesties. He would sometimes, yes, but that’s after an earful from his strict father. Every single time you were stood up by him with the excuse that he’s busy with school, you would feel embarrassed and hurt. Deep down, you know he’s happy somewhere else with her and you’re so frustrated because everyone was expecting you to do something about it. But, you couldn’t. It felt like you had to beg. You had to beg that please Wonwoo, let’s just get this over with. You never did though, because a big part of you wanted to keep not only yours, but his dignity. 

Now that he’s back, you don’t want the same cycle happening again. Why couldn’t you just find someone else? Why couldn’t you object to this stupid marriage just like he did? Why couldn’t you let him go?

Why did it have to be him, just why?

“We have arrived, Your Highness,” Jeongyeon announces, pulling you away from your thoughts. 

Wonwoo was invited to have dinner at the palace after the inauguration. Surprisingly enough, Wonwoo didn’t say no. You honestly don’t know how you feel about it because if he’s having a private dinner with your parents, then you’re having dinner with them as well. You’re just not ready for them to bombard him with questions about your dreadful wedding. 

When you got out of the car, Wonwoo was already standing near the door and waiting for you. You had to ride two separate cars for security reasons. You didn’t say anything upon nearing him and just walked and walked until you got inside. It was a relief Wonwoo just knew what he had to do. It doesn’t sound so hard when you have been treated like a robot to just obey orders since day one. You don’t want to think about it maliciously because you’re sure Wonwoo’s parents are loving.

But then again, what do you even know about Wonwoo?

You two stand in front of the two big doors and wait for the announcement of your arrival. 

“Prince Wonwoo and Princess Y/N have arrived, Your Majesties.”

Your mother was the first to greet you both, her body seemingly flying due to the excitement of finally seeing Wonwoo again. 

“Your Majesties,” Wonwoo greets with a bow and your parents nod in acknowledgement. 

“How time flew,” your mother says before hugging Wonwoo first then you. 

“Come, sit down. We can catch up while we eat,” the King orders before the Queen gets carried away with hogging Wonwoo. 

“Oh yes!” Your mother agrees while clasping her hands together, guiding you both to your respective chairs. “We were so excited for your visit, we have prepared the best of the best.”

As a way to completely act normal and keep your heart calm, you focused on eating even though you didn’t have that much of an appetite. Meanwhile, you’re not sure about Wonwoo. How could he possibly eat when one curious question after another was being asked. He was polite in answering all of them and your parents could never be more in love. 

“So, how about your plans? I’ve heard you have been a magnificent doctor,” the King asked and your ears perked up. 

Your eyes turn to Wonwoo and you see how bashful his smile is. Maybe, you know one of the reasons why you could not let him go.

“Thank you for the compliment, Your Majesty. I’m honored,” He answers while you return your attention back to your food. 

No questions about the wedding have been asked by far and you are torn between relief and fear. You know your parents have something up their sleeves. You just want this dinner to get over with and make Wonwoo take his leave. It’s a sure long drive back to Changwon, right? Now is the perfect time to start on the road.

“Your Majesties,” Wonwoo voices out, “If you may allow, I would like to request volunteering my services at the Seoul Foundation.” 

You choke on the broccoli you were about to swallow while your parents just scream and clap in delight.

—

“What do you mean you want to volunteer at the Seoul Foundation?” You ask while tailing behind Wonwoo who’s about to leave after your parents bid their goodbyes. “And what do you mean you’re going to live here in the palace?”

Wonwoo stops walking and turns around on his heel to face you, you almost hit his chest with your whole face. His expression is blank as he crosses his arms. “I think you know exactly what I mean, Princess.”

Your eyes almost twitch with how smug his tone just sounded. 

“Why are you doing this?” You ask then shake your head immediately and continue, “No. What are you even trying to do?”

It’s so obvious that Wonwoo has changed. He has aged, he has matured, he has become different. Although you have waited for him, you have also expected the worst. The worst which is despite his return, the engagement would end and the wedding would never come to fruition. 

The worst sounded better. 

“What else am I supposed to be doing?” He asks back and his eyes suddenly hint of sadness. 

Your breath hitches. It’s finally dawning upon you.

Everything that had happened earlier was all an act. Wonwoo smiled at you when he tended to your foot because you were out and seen by the public eye. He was sweet to your parents because he knew he was expected to be. 

Wonwoo just acted like how the Crowned Prince of Changwon would have. 

Wonwoo finally leaves when all that’s left from you is silence. The wedding is real and it’s going to happen. Your chest tightens at the thought and the picture of Wonwoo’s saddened eyes keeps replaying inside your head. He has accepted his fate and now, you’re in the middle between accepting yours as well or not. 

What are you going to do?

[in1-nutshell]

It's kinda cute that Rodimus still looks up to Moonie like she's invincible.  Like he still thinks his big sister could go up against unicron and come out unscathed even before the outlier abilities presented itself.

I would like you to smash that illusion on the concrete and make it hurt.

The illusion has been smashed, but in the way your probably thinking.

Hope you enjoy!

Rodimus and Moonstreaker

SFW, Platonic, Romance, Familial, Cybertronian reader

MTMTE

Aka Moonstreaker isn’t invincible.

In Rodimus’s optics, Moonstreaker was the definition of an invincible hero.

Forget Thunderclash, it was Moonie who deserved the praise.

Hardworking, loyal, caring, stubborn, great with weapons, and could probably fight the DJD and win.

Nothing got to her.

No challenge or change made her weak to the pedes.

When he was grasping the whole new ‘Prime’ status, she was behind him 100% and willing to go great lengths to make sure he and the crew were safe.

Did it bother him a bit about the lengths?

Yes, but he couldn’t talk too much about that.

But out of all the years he had known his sister, the Prime had never seen Moonstreaker this… weird.

It started with the meetings.

Rodimus and the others were leaving the meeting room. Moonstreaker still sat at her seat reading a datapad. Rodimus: “Moonie? You know you can leave right?” Moonstreaker waved him off. Moonstreaker: “I know, I’ll leave when I’m done.” Rodimus: “Okay, but don’t stay too long. I can’t you have you be Magnus 2.0.” Moonstreaker raises her optic unamused and goes back to reading the pad.

Rodimus didn’t think too much about that.

Moonstreaker was more of a workaholic out of the two.

If it got too bad then he would drag her out of the room.

The next sign was how much quieter and snippier her comments were.

Sarcasm wasn’t a new thing for the siblings.

But in very small responses with extra silence?

Yeah, that was new.

Rodimus: “Can you pass the knife.” Moonstreaker: “I don’t know, can you pass Magnus the memo response?” Rodimus: “Hey! I haven’t read that one today!” Moonstreaker: “Which one?” Rodimus: “What do you mean which one.” Moonstreaker: “…” Rodimus: “Moonie—” Moonstreaker suddenly stands up and leaves the room leaving a very confused Rodimus behind. Rodimus: “Which one!?”

And just a few days ago he heard some rumor about Moonstreaker being Whirl’s roommate again.

Which was weird and… oh no!

Rodimus had been picking up some weird signs from Moonstreaker and Whirl for a while now, especially since Swerve talked about them a while back.

Maybe…

No…

But…

What if Moonstreaker and Whirl were dating?!

And for how long!?

It must have been for a while since they were starting to share the same room again after she was with Swerve.

Though it could also be because she finally had enough of the minibots talking.

But the signs!

Maybe Moonstreaker was just having a bit of an argument with Whirl.

Well, the name argument could be defined as an actual argument or a full-on physical fight.

Or maybe she was having a hard time telling him about the relationship in general.

She was a private bot and kept many private things away from him.

Maybe if he tried to coax and tell her that she had his support (no matter how much he wanted to bang his helm against the wall because OUT OF ALL THE BOTS! WHIRL?!)

Moonstreaker was sitting in the meeting room as Rodimus stayed behind. She immediately noticed that he had stayed behind… on purpose… Moonstreaker placed the datapad down. Moonstreaker: “Rodimus? Why are you still here?” Rodimus: “Can’t I stay in the same room as you?” Moonstreaker: “After a long meeting like that? I expected you to grow wings and fly out.” Rodimus: “…Okay you got me on that one. But I did want to talk to you.” Moonstreaker: “About what?” Rodimus took a bit of a vent. Rodimus: “I know about it.” Moonstreaker suddenly went rigid. Rodimus: “And listen I get it; it was your choice.” The red mech failed to see the bot behind him shake a bit. Rodimus: “I never thought you’d be in this position and all, but a new relationship is something to look forward to…” His voice trailed off when he heard the sniffling. He turned around and saw a sight that he never thought he would see. Moonstreaker looking down, clear that she was trying to hold in a sob and shaking. What in the Allspark was going on? He came to his sister’s trembling side, not quite sure what to do. Rodimus: “Moonstreaker? What—All I was going to say was congrats on the getting into a new relationship—” Rodimus is once again cut off, but this time by Moonstreaker throwing her arms around him tightly and sobbing into his shoulder.

He couldn’t believe it.

There was simply no way this was happening now.

Moonstreaker, his Moonstreaker, was crying.

The Moonstreaker who had launched herself at Megatron the first opportunity she got after hearing about his chassis getting blasted.

The same Moonstreaker who held it together for others during hardships.

The same Moonstreaker that ran with Fortress Maximus to try and stop Overlord.

The Moonstreaker who had her pede blasted off and right servo sliced and still one against a Con 3 times her size.

The Moonstreaker was now sobbing up a storm in his arms, with no sign of injury.

At that moment the illusion came down.

For this moment, Moonstreaker wasn’t the invincible force that made her enemies think twice about fighting.

Right now?

Right now, she was his sister that was crying for some unknown reason.

A reason he was about to get to the bottom of.

It took time to get her to calm down and properly talk.

She looked so much older and somber when the tears stopped falling.

In true Moonstreaker manner, she kept things short, vague, and avoided names.

It bothered Rodimus a lot, but he was already pushing and didn’t want her to shut him out.

Moonstreaker is looking at her servos. Moonstreaker: “I’m just scared Roddy. This is so new and…and…” Rodimus let her lean to his side a bit. Moonstreaker: “I—I just feel like I’m going to lose him if I keep this break up. I mean I know I was the one who suggested the break, but it was because we were barely seeing each other.” Rodimus: “And this is a romantic or—” Moonstreaker: “We agreed we’d do a month break then get back for one night and see if things could be resolved.” Rodimus: “But the status of the relationship?” Moonstreaker: “I don’t know anymore! I just… I just can’t imagine not being by his side anymore… Roddy what if he doesn’t want me by his side anymore?” Rodimus had never seen such uncertainty in his sister’s optics. She was looking at him for guidance. Rodimus pulled her into a side hug. Rodimus: “Hey now, anybot would be lucky to have you by their side, romantic or not. You have all the qualities of a great friend, best sis and…” He fake gags a bit. Moonstreaker rolls her optics at his dramatic antics. Rodimus: “…And to be a great partner for who ever you think is worthy enough to be by your side. And so, what if you guys don’t work out? There are plenty of bots out there to meet and get to know.” He flashes her a reassuring smile. Rodimus: “Whatever happens, I’ll be here, okay?” Moonstreaker smiles back at him, returning his side hug. Moonstreaker: “Since when did you get so wise?” Rodimus lets go of the hug to puff his chassis. Rodimus: “You’re talking to a Prime Moonie, of course I’ve got some wisdom to share!” Moonstreaker chuckles before getting up. She had to leave now. Moonstreaker stopped at the door before looking back with a genuine smile. Moonstreaker: “Thanks Roddy, I mean it.” Rodimus: “Of course, see ya later Moonie! Tell me how it goes later!” She nods and walks out the door.

Rodimus left that room feeling good and full of hope for his sister for whatever problem she was going to face.

 He felt their bond grew a bit with that serious talk.

Maybe she would let him in on more of her personal life!

Now on to the next mystery.

Who was the mystery mech that was causing all this trouble?

By the brief description of what he got, Rodimus was still certain that Whirl was still the main suspect, but maybe it was someone else?

There was no way Whirl would display that level of maturity so there was a strong possibility of someone else more responsible than Whirl.

…Which did not narrow things down for the Co-Captain.

There were plenty of bots on the ship that were 10 times more responsible than Whirl, including himself!

No, maybe he should take a break.

Anyways Drift invited him to see the ships newest prank show, which was still pending with Magnus but Rewind wanted to give a pilot episode.

The Rod Pod was in Mirage’s bar staring at the screen. It was a live video from Rewind’s camera. He was going to Swerve’s to play a request prank. Creepy music, flickering lights and an Earth ghost mask as the final task. Magnus: “I still fail to see how this is beneficial to the ship. Megatron: “I second that.” Rodimus: “C’mon, from what I see, it’ll be good for morale!” Magnus: “I see scared bots and accidents waiting to happen.” Whirl: “Shhh! Rewind’s made it.” Chromedome dimmed the lights a bit as everyone watched the live recording. Rewind had made it pass through the doors. The bar was dimly light, noticeably the red and pink colors being the most prominent. Rewind: “Okay, now I will—” There is laughter. Swerve wasn’t there alone. Tailgate: “Wait! Swerve’s not alone in there.” Whirl: “Yeah! Two scares for one!” Rewind scoots a bit from his hiding place but freezes at the scene in front of him. Everyone watching freezes at what they are watching. It was Swerve lying on a table with the giddiest and lovesick smile on his face. And who was the bot practically straddling him and smothering his entire face with kisses and “I love you’s?” None other than… Rodimus: “IS THAT MOONSTREAKER!?” Whirl jumps up in joy. Whirl: “YES! FINALLY! SOME ACTION!” Magnus: “SHUT DOWN THE VIDEO!” CREEEEKKKK! Rewind had stepped on something, alerting the two bots on the table. The bots don’t make out what is being said thanks to Megatron accidentally hitting the mute button. But the second it was on… Moonstreaker: “REWIND! GET BACK HERE!” Swerve: “MOONIE HE DIDN’T MEAN IT!” Rewind: “SORRY! SORRY! SORRY!” Brainstorm: “Chromedome if you don’t get your Conjunx soon, he isn’t going to be around for long.” Chromedome: “Way ahead of you. I’M COMING REWIND!”

[contrivedcoincidences6]

Sweating out Confessions

Sweating out Confessions - Spooky66 - Mass Effect Trilogy [Archive of Our Own]

Thank you @ageless-aislynn for being my beta! And also thank you to @nestadekarios for always being my #1 fan!

***

Shepard, heartbroken after Horizon, ends up running into Kaidan once more giving them a second chance at reconciliation.

***

In a daze, Shepard called Joker to pick them up and take them as far away from Horizon as possible. Her heartbeat was loud, and her companions' voices faded into the background. 

At first, she thought she couldn’t speak over the lump in her throat, but somehow, her voice sounded perfectly normal. 

She’d always excelled at pretending nothing was wrong. 

Kaidan’s form had long ago retreated but she couldn’t tear her eyes away from where he had walked off. Maybe he’d come back and they could talk privately and she could tell him everything. Maybe then he’d hold her and she’d feel whole again for the first time since coming back to life. 

But he didn’t come back and after a couple of minutes the static filling her head cleared and she allowed Garrus and Kasumi to lead her away to the landing zone to wait for pick-up. Garrus said something about giving Kaidan time to cool off. Kasumi said something about ‘exes’ as she laid a hand on her back and Shepard stopped listening. 

Numbly, she nodded at their affirmations but continued looking around, hoping to see him again before taking off. 

As the shuttle landed, there was no sign of Kaidan and with a sad look back over the settlement, the shuttle doors closed, one final separation between them. 

‘Loved’ in past tense rolled through her mind as they flew back to the Normandy and she remembered him telling her he loved her as they lay in the tiny beach house they’d rented. She’d been too choked up for words and kissed him, knowing she loved him but the words had felt too big for her mouth so she showed him instead. The memory began to fade, the love and joy in his eyes replaced by anger as he said, ‘I loved you’. 

Her reasons for not contacting him had made sense at the time. When she’d first woken up she hadn’t had access to comms, she’d run to a terminal and tried to message him but was blocked. By the time she was able to send a communication she had a full understanding of the situation, she wasn’t a captive but also didn’t have a choice. In her cabin, there was a picture of her and Kaidan on shore leave that they’d taken of themselves smiling in front of the waves on their last day. 

Shepard’s arms were wrapped around Kaidan’s neck as she kissed his cheek. She’d frozen in place the first time she’d seen it. They knew about her and Kaidan and wanted her to know it. 

After that, she hadn’t tried to contact Kaidan, even on the terminals in Omega where she communicated with Hackett in highly encrypted messages, the danger was too high. Kaidan could take care of himself but the lengths Cerberus had gone to bring her back and the control they exerted over her made her want to keep Kaidan as far away from them as possible. She reasoned with herself that he had probably moved on and contacting him would disrupt whatever new life he had. 

Deep down she feared that if she found out he was with someone else it would finally be too much for her but she didn’t allow those thoughts to take hold. 

She reported to Hackett who had all but ordered her to stay with Cerberus for the time being, it wasn’t quite a black op but it was not far off. He wanted the Collectors defeated and found the information she sent on Cerberus useful. Shepard knew it was as much support as she was likely to get from the Alliance. 

The weeks wore on and she missed Kaidan desperately. Sometimes she’d wake from a nightmare of her death in space and reach for him. They’d only shared a bed for a couple of months but the comfort of his arms haunted her. 

On Horizon all of her decisions had been laid bare as she saw the hurt and betrayal in Kaidan’s eyes and she finally questioned why she hadn’t reached out only to feel that same sick feeling she felt when she thought of him with someone else. Shepard had told herself she’d been doing it to protect him, and that was partly true, but as he glared at her demanding answers she knew that in her fear she’d hurt him deeply. 

Once they were back on the Normandy, after shouting at the Illusive Man, Shepard grabbed a bottle of whisky and went to her room where she spent the trip to Illium getting progressively drunker until it didn’t hurt so much to look at the picture on her desk. 

He’d sent a message apologizing a few days later and telling her about his grief and guilt after her death. Shepard read and reread the words, sick over how much pain she’d put him through.

A dozen drafts sat in her inbox for two weeks until she finally decided on something simple: ‘I love you, Kaidan, I always will.’ 

They were words she should have said two years ago but as the weight of her current mission pressed down on her, she couldn’t die again without letting him know.

There was no response back and she was almost glad because she couldn’t afford to let her thoughts slide to him as they prepared to go on their aptly named ‘suicide mission’. 

It was almost two months after Horizon when Hackett sent a location and a small data cache through their encrypted messages. The only instructions he provided was ‘Reaper tech I need secured. Leave at drop point after. Go alone.’ 

It was annoying to stop everything she was doing to secure Reaper tech, but she stubbornly needed to prove to herself that she was still Alliance. So, swallowing her irritation, she plugged the information into the galaxy map, ready to be a good soldier. 

It was located on a planet called Boro in the Pylos Nebula, right on the edge of the Traverse, dangerous territory. There was a small Volus colony on the planet but it seemed far out of the way from where Shepard was headed. 

Apparently, the Alliance had secretly sent an expert in ancient alien tech there a year ago to begin research on the area. The last message they’d gotten from the man was the location of the tech he’d found and a request for further aid. 

That was a month ago, he’d not responded to any messages since. 

A storm was brewing making her journey and landing rough, Shepard was not the best pilot but managed it well enough. And she was within walking distance of the outpost. 

She’d begun to gather her things, preparing to spend the night in the outpost as the storm would make it impossible to find the tech she was looking for when the pounding started on the hull of the shuttle. 

Shepard sighed, some lunatic was out in the storm yelling at her to show herself. 

Beyond frustrated by this point, Shepard grabbed her shotgun and opened the door, ready to kill whoever it was that was trying to get in the way of the mission, when the door opened to reveal a familiar form. Even behind his helmet, Shepard recognized Kaidan. His eyes went wide as he recognized her. 

“Shepard?!” 

She could hardly hear him over the storm but could see the tension in his shoulders, he was not happy to see her.

Slinging her shogun to her back she stomped down the gangway and shoved her helmet against his, the only way to hear each other over the storm. 

“What the hell are you doing out here, Kaidan?” 

Her voice was thunderous in her helmet. 

“Me? Unbelievable! What are you doing here?” he shouted back. 

“Classified,” Shepard said before turning back into the shuttle to grab her things. 

She marched past him toward the outpost as the shuttle closed but he grabbed her arm and rammed his helmet back against hers. 

“I don’t give a fuck about what Cerberus classifies! What are you doing here?” 

He was angry, but she also knew he wouldn’t shoot her so she pulled her arm out of his grasp and kept walking towards the outpost. She didn’t need to hear his footsteps to know he was following. 

They stood in a silent standoff together in the airlock waiting for the cue to take off their helmets and as soon as the pressurization finished, Kaidan practically threw his helmet off and turned on her. 

“Shepard, I’m done messing around, what are you doing here?”

“I wasn’t messing around, Kaidan, I was getting out of the storm and I told you it’s classified.” 

“If you’re planning on taking this tech back to Cerberus I won’t let you,” Kaidan said but didn’t reach for his weapon. 

Shepard’s sigh was filled with the exhaustion of the past months, hell, the past three years. 

“I’m not here for Cerberus, if you haven’t noticed I’m here alone.” 

The silence stretched between them as Kaidan tried to decide if he believed her. When he didn’t respond, she made her way into the small prefab building where they’d be waiting out the storm. It looked like a one-person research station and Shepard looked around. It didn't seem like anyone had been there for some time but she wondered about who used to live there and where Hackett had gotten this intel.

There were two rooms and a bathroom. A lab area that was bigger than the rest of the place combined and a small living area with a full bed, a kitchenette, and a small desk. After her short tour, Shepard sat down at the desk to unpack the few supplies she brought with her. Thankfully she’d thought ahead to bring some rations just in case. She’d be set for a couple of days, she glanced behind her to Kaidan’s pacing form, they’d be fine for a couple of days. 

He continued pacing, clearly working something out, while she shot off a message to the Normandy about being grounded by the storm. 

Finally, after a few minutes, he spoke. “You’re working for the Alliance.” 

It wasn't a question so Shepard didn’t answer and he continued, “Is that what this whole thing is? Some black op? Have you been alive this entire time working for Hackett?” 

At the accusation in his voice, anger clouded her vision and whirled around in her chair to face him.  

“I was dead! I suffocated in space until the Shadow Broker found my body and was going to sell it to the Collectors.” She paused for a breath, trying to calm herself but her irritation and grief compelled her to continue, unable to stop if she tried.

“Cerberus told Liara that if she could get my body from the Shadow Broker they could bring me back so she did and here I am! For two years my body changed through more hands than I can say. I didn’t choose this!”

“Liara gave your body to Cerberus?” Kaidan asked, in a voice cold enough to freeze the air around them. 

“Yeah, it’s fucked up but I’m alive,” Shepard said. 

She didn’t add that she’d been furious at Liara too when she’d found out, it didn’t seem helpful. At her core Shepard understood why Liara did it, Liara had always been in love with Shepard. It was an awkward fact that had always sat between them. Shepard had considered what lengths she might go to bring Kaidan back from the dead and had decided to let it go. 

It still made her squirm to consider strangers poking and prodding her body for two years but, she was alive and even though there were some days she wasn’t happy about it, it was overall a good thing. 

Kaidan flashed for just a moment, the dark energy disappearing as quickly as it had appeared, looking almost like a trick of the light. His fists were clenched at his sides and he turned away from Shepard. She’d never seen Kaidan flash, something she’d never held back on when angry. She understood his fury, she’d been pissed too, but it still stung. 

“Why are you here?” Shepard finally asked, breaking the tense silence. 

“Anderson told me to check it out. Apparently he and Hackett aren’t communicating,” Kaidan responded, still looking away his voice gruff. 

With a loud sigh, Shepard leaned her elbows on her knees and stared at the floor, wishing she could find the right words to make it all better. She’d been so nervous on Horizon and had fucked it up badly and she didn’t want a repeat, but her own anger was starting to get the better of her. 

“I get your mad, Kaidan,” she said after a few deep breaths, “I haven’t handled any of this well. For me it’s only felt like a few months since I was on the SR1, it’s hard to wrap your mind around missing two years. There’s a lot I wish I’d done differently but I was scared and confused.” 

He turned back to look at her with raised eyebrows, his eyes softer than a moment ago and so she went on, still unsure of where she was going with it. 

“They have this huge captain’s cabin on the ship. It's got a giant fish tank, a queen bed, and its own bathroom. Absolutely ridiculous and unnecessary.” Kaidan cocked his head at this change of subject so she pushed forward.  

“Anyways, do you remember that picture we took on shore leave? The one in front of the ocean we were sunburnt to hell? It was the last day…” 

Kaidan nodded as she trailed off, he didn’t smile or look wistful as she often felt looking at the picture he just watched her with an unreadable expression. Shepard swallowed the now familiar lump, looked back down, and kept going. 

“It was in a frame on the desk in my new cabin. They must have gotten it off my Omni-Tool and they wanted me to know. It felt like a threat. It was all like that the first couple of weeks just constant mind games with the Illusive Man and my XO. It’s not so bad now but at first I was just trying to get my bearings.” 

Hazarding another glace, she found him standing stiffly with crossed arms. 

“But honestly it’s all just an excuse I-” she cut herself off, not ready to admit her hidden reasons for not reaching out. 

Haltingly she finished, “I should have sent you a message, I’m sorry.”

If he noticed her pause he didn’t let on, his shoulder sagged and he rubbed his forehead. 

“Thanks, Shepard,” he responded tiredly, “I’m sorry I reacted the way I did on Horizon.” 

Shepard grinned, but it felt strained. 

“You already apologized for that.” 

Shrugging, Kaidan finally sat down on the bed only a few feet away. 

“What can you tell me about your mission?” he asked after a few beats of silence. 

She shook her head, unwilling to verbally acknowledge what Kaidan already figured out. It was dangerous enough with just her and Hackett knowing about their agreement she didn’t want Kaidan in on it too. 

“Fine, but let me take the tech back. I’ll loop Hackett in, it’s better than having it sit on a Cerberus ship while you take it to a drop point,” Kaidan said. 

Static erupted from her Omni-Tool followed by Joker’s voice, distorted by the bad connection. 

“Hey Commander- an Alliance shutt- backup?” 

Despite the broken message Shepard understood what he was asking. 

“Negative. Not sure if you can hear me but I’m just going to wait out the storm, I’m fine.”

“Aye-” 

Shepard sighed at her Omni-Tool and continued to take off her armor. 

“Once comms are online we can figure something out.”

***

Hearing Joker on the line had brought back the animosity he’d felt towards the pilot since Shepard’s supposed death. 

“Joker’s with Cerberus too, huh?” he said, needing something to fill the heavy silence. His tone didn’t come across as easy going as he’d been shooting for. 

Shepard nodded and began to take off her gloves.

“I woke up alone during an attack on a Cerberus ship. Once I got my bearings, they showed me the SR2 and Joker was there to pilot. All very convenient.” She almost spat the last part and once again he was left to wonder about her relationship with Cerberus. 

On Horizon she’d defended her position but she also seemed to not fully trust them, especially if she was feeding information to the Alliance. 

“There’s very little Joker wouldn’t do to fly the Normandy again,” Kaidan said bitterly.

Shepard chuckled despite his bad mood.

“He’s obsessed with his new leather pilots seat.” She paused for a moment and sighed. “I was hard on him about it at first but I think he ultimately joined cause he was mad at the Alliance and Council for dropping the preparations for the Reapers.”

Kaidan shook his head, he blamed Joker after her death and said some things he regretted but the anger was still there. Guilt replaced the anger though, at the thought that Joker would stand by Shepard while he’d refused. 

He glanced at her again, she was silently taking off her armor and methodically placing it in neat piles on the ground. It was something he’d seen her so many times and the intimacy of it all made him turn away. 

The room was humid and his thoughts were heavy, Kaidan felt suffocated. After removing the heaviest of his armor he knew he needed to find the environmental controls and get the air moving. 

He turned around and stopped in his tracks to see Shepard in a loose white tank top and Lycra shorts. Sweat and rain dampened the tank top and it stuck to her body in ways that made his heart race. The same scars that ran across her cheeks were scattered on her arms and legs but it didn’t stop him from wanting to run his hands along her muscled legs and kiss his way down her chest. 

Shepard cleared her throat and his face grew hot as he looked away. 

“Chakwas says the scars will fade eventually, right now they’re just keeping me up at night.” Her joke fell flat from the strained tone in her voice and he understood that she believed he was looking at her scars. He swallowed, suddenly needing a drink and not sure if he should correct her misconception or just roll with it. 

Cowardice won out and he gave a chuckle that was as weak as her joke and they lapsed into an awkward silence as they each arranged their armor and got themselves settled. 

He went looking to see if they could get some AC while Shepard pretended to be busy on her datapad. They had no access to the Extranet and their comms were cut so he assumed she was playing a game or taking notes trying to give her hands something to do. 

Kaidan felt that same restlessness as he poked around the building and finally found the enviro controls. As he waved his Omni-Tool over it and adjusted the air, he tried to think of what he could do next to keep busy other than staring at Shepard’s glistening muscles and wondering if she was real. 

Deciding it was safest to stay out of the living space, he made his way into the lab looking around and finding nothing of interest. Anderson had told him the Reaper tech would be in a shielded site not far from the outpost so they wouldn’t be able to find it till tomorrow. Still he copied some of the notes of the man who had been here before them, saving them on his Omni-Tool before sitting down to read some of it. 

The researcher, a man named Saul Mesa, had left little behind and much of it didn’t make any sense but he assumed Hackett’s people would know what to make of it.

Anderson had told him that Mesa had disappeared and they needed the tech secure but the more he looked around, the more he wondered if Saul would be at the site. There was almost no trace of whoever had lived there before except for scattered data pads and an old mug of moldy coffee. 

He wanted to voice these thoughts to Shepard but was held back by the small voice that still asked where her allegiances were. She hadn’t confirmed his suspicions that she was working for Hackett which had, at first, convinced him it was true but now he wondered if it was just wishful thinking. 

Before all of this he’d been doing ok, not great, but he’d been finding himself occasionally enjoying life without crushing guilt. He’d ended a date with a kiss and had only spent a few minutes hyperventilating in his apartment with the same sinking realization that he’d never be kissing her again. 

‘You can now.’ 

The thought hit him like a rocket to the chest, here she was within arms reach but still so far away. He leaned into the doorway and spotted her slouched by the bed, still tapping away on her datapad. 

She didn’t seem to see him and he took a moment to really look at her: except for the new scars, and missing old scars, she looked the same. Long straight nose, violet eyes, and slightly pursed lips he wanted to kiss again so badly. When he’d known her she’d worn her long brown hair in a standard military bun but now her hair was cut short and messy. He wondered if she chose to cut it or if it was done to her. 

The glowing orange scars were, of course, new. He was sure she believed that they disturbed him but it only served to make her more striking. 

As if sensing his gaze she looked up and locked eyes with him, shooting him a smirk to let him know she knew he’d been staring. 

Kaidan leaned against the door and looked at her openly now, trying to project confidence despite his hot face. 

“Can I help you, Commander?” she asked in a lilting tone.

“Just trying to figure you out, Shepard,” he responded and she laughed. 

“I’m an open book, what do you want to know?” 

Her eyes danced as she watched him try to decide what to ask, clearly uncomfortable under her amused gaze. 

“Why did you cut your hair?” 

He had to stop his grimace as the question left his mouth, what a horrible way to start out. 

Shepard’s face fell a fraction and he wanted to call the words back into his mouth but it was too late. 

She ran her fingers through her short hair and sighed. 

“It wasn’t my choice. Don’t like it?”  

Kaidan searched for the words to tell her that he didn’t care at all about her hair or about her scars, or about how her freckles seemed rearranged but saying so would make him more vulnerable than he was willing to be in the moment.

“It looks nice,” he said lamely after too long a pause and his face grew warm again as she chuckled. 

“Well thank you, you know how vain I am.” 

She was joking but he heard the undercurrent of uncertainty in her voice. Shepard wasn’t someone to care about how she looked but he had the feeling she cared a great deal that she looked slightly different than she used to. 

He also suspected she cared about how he perceived her. But he was so used to a confident and unruffled Shepard that he was not quite sure how to respond. 

He just knew he had to say something. 

“Shepard, it doesn’t matter how you wear your hair, you'll always be the most beautiful person in the room.” His heart beat faster as he said it. 

Startled violet eyes stared at him as if trying to figure out if he meant it or was just being nice. 

“You’ve always been the only person to call me beautiful, you need your eyes checked,” Shepard said, chuckling but the smile stayed in place as she deflected. 

Shrugging and returning her smile, Kaidan felt that warmth in his chest that only Shepard could bring out. Every time they’d talked on the SR1 it would make itself at home in his chest. 

“Gemma,” he said and then faltered at the sound of her name leaving his lips and realized he hadn’t said it in years. 

Shepard seemed surprised too and waited for him to continue but whatever teasing thing he’d been about to say was lost in the way she looked at him, so pleased and unguarded. 

And so he asked the question he’d been wondering for weeks now.

“Did you mean what you said in that message?” 

Despite the AC, the air felt heavy again with the question hanging between them. Her answer came fast but the seconds between felt like a lifetime. 

“Of course, no matter what Cerberus did to me that’s never changed.” 

Part of him wanted to rush across the room, take her into his arms and tell her he loved her too, that he’d spent two years mourning a relationship that had lasted a couple months but he couldn’t move, the risk paralyzed him. 

She watched him in the heavy silence for a moment with a sad but kind smile on her face before she went back to whatever she was doing on her datapad. 

Suddenly tired, Kaidan sank to the floor, unsure what to do next he pulled out the notes he found and started to write up a report for Anderson. 

They sat in silence like this for a while, each trying to find something to do to avoid what was brewing between them. Shepard moved to the bed, still on her data pad, looking for all the world as if she were right at home but Kaidan could see the slight clench of her jaw and the stiff way she was moving. 

After an hour passed like this, Kaidan landed on a book he found on a shelf in the living space, some corny Asari romance but it kept him busy and kept his eyes away from Shepard’s reclined form. The storm raged outside, wind beat against the thin walls loud enough to nearly drown out Kaidan’s nerves, the book was not enough to distract him. 

He’d missed Shepard for two years and now he was fairly certain this was her, though part of him wondered if he was just deluding himself. Even if it was her, he couldn’t be with her, not while she was with Cerberus. 

Doing anything was a recipe for another heartbreak that he wasn’t sure he could withstand again. Still, she looked so damn good laid out on the bed. Minus the glowing cybernetic scars, she could be straight from one of his daydreams. 

After a long time of not being able to focus on his book he decided to try conversation again, it was a dangerous tactic but he had to do something. 

“I heard Tali joined you,” he said out of nowhere. 

She looked up at him with wide eyes and he felt his face warm. 

“She sent me a message, she said something about you guys going to the Migrant Fleet?” 

“Oh yeah, that was a whole cluster fuck. They were putting Tali, of all people, on trial for treason. I went in, knocked some heads around, and they let it go.” 

He was certain there was more to it, Tali’s message hadn’t been big on details but he could feel the Quarian’s gratitude in the short message. 

“It’s good to have her back. Frankly, I think she was ready to get away from the Fleet after everything. She goes by Tali’Zorah vas Normandy now,” Shepard said, a grin on her face and pride in her voice.

Kaidan’s heart squeezed at the clear joy written on her face. Most people who didn’t know her considered Shepard to be a serious sort but the fact was that she was just careful who she let see her in this way. 

“Not many humans have seen the Migrant Fleet, what was it like?”

She proceeded to describe the various ships in the Fleet in great detail. She’d grown up in Chicago, watching as starships that would span the galaxy were built in the shipyards in her neighborhood. The excitement for ships, aliens, and space travel had never left her. 

It was something Kaidan had loved about her from the start. When she would start on a topic she enjoyed, her eyes would light up and gone was the N7 officer, veteran of Akuze, and the first human Spectre and in her place was a little girl who once read stories about aliens and stood for hours outside the shipyards, spying on the progress of ships as they took shape.

The conversation flowed naturally to some of her other companions and their various adventures. She told him of seeing Wrex on Tuchanka, her colorful description of the Krogan home world gave away just how much she’d enjoyed herself there. 

“Bet you felt right at home,” Kaidan said, unable to keep the flirt from his voice. 

Shepard boomed out a chuckle. 

“God, I love the Krogan,” she said in agreement. “That trip accomplished a dream I’ve had for a while now, too: got to kill a Thresher Maw on foot.” 

Her glowing smile did little to dim the anxiety that filled him at the thought of nothing between Shepard and a Thresher Maw but air and armor. 

Seeming to sense his unease, she waved her hand, signaling it was no big deal. 

“Grunt and Garrus were with me, we did great! First people to do it since Wrex. It was nice to knock his ass off the throne, can’t have him getting soft.” 

Kaidan rubbed at his forehead more out of habit than any approaching headache, because as they conversed, he knew this was really her, this was Gemma. Back from the dead, she sat in front of him as wild and bright as ever which meant she could die again.

“Hey.” She shifted forward on the bed, trying to catch his eye. “If I can take a Thresher Maw on foot, the Collectors will be a breeze, right? I can handle myself, Kaidan.” 

And she could of course, no one could do it like she did but usually he was with her as she squared up against the worst the galaxy had to offer. Reality crashed in on him then, he still didn’t feel right going with her but the idea of not being by her side cut to the bone. 

Usually so good with words, Shepard didn’t seem to know what to do about this sudden shift in mood and they stayed in this silent stalemate until Kaidan could breathe again.

“It’s really you,” he whispered.

“I feel like me,” Shepard responded in the same low tone. 

He looked up to meet her eyes, shining like two amethysts under the sun. 

It hurt more than he would have expected a couple years ago but it was like he was burning up inside. The reality he’d tried to accept for two years was false and here she was. The most incredible person in the world, the woman he’d fallen in love with hard and fast, who had loved him back, was alive. 

The galaxy had mourned with him, making his own private grief feel unreal compared to the masses who cried as they held a funeral without a body. 

But here she was, as beautiful and whole as she had been the night before the Collectors had torn the Normandy, and his life, apart. 

He was somewhere between wanting to kiss her and run away as fast as he could, storm be damned, when the power went out. 

A sardonic laugh sounded in the darkness from the bed. 

“Bed time I guess.” 

***

Kaidan seemed to be processing and she left him to it as they both awkwardly got ready for bed in the light from their Omni-Tools. She felt lighter than she had since waking up, Kaidan had smiled at her, he’d looked at her the way he used to. Hope bubbled up inside her despite the lingering feeling that he didn’t trust her. 

From day one, he’d done this to her, she was a hardened career woman, raised with no one and nothing, a veteran of Akuze but he could make her blush like she was thirteen again. 

They spent a few uncomfortable minutes trying to figure out sleeping arrangements with Kaidan saying he’d sleep on the floor and Shepard insisting he was being ridiculous. 

Eventually they ended up in bed, facing away from each other, both waiting for the other to fall asleep first. 

This second life had not given her much rest, sleep was often hard to come by if not impossible. The trauma of her death along with the constant feeling of being monitored and isolated wore on her mind. It was impossible to keep those fears at bay while ignoring the warmth of the man next to her and sleep refused to come. 

She and Kaidan had only been together for a little over three months before the attack on the Normandy. A week of that time had been spent on a modest beach vacation where they’d spent most of their time locked away in the cabin they rented. The night before the attack on the Normandy, she’d gotten off her shift late and he was in her bed waiting for her. Too tired to do anything more than fall into bed, she’d cocooned herself against him, comfortable in the time she thought they had left. 

Shepard tried to push those thoughts from her mind as Kaidan’s breathing evened out but with him so close, it was hard not to remember what it felt like to be held by him, the way his fingers felt trailing down her body, the way his lips felt against hers. 

After some time of watching the storm, listening to Kaidan’s breathing, and feeling his heat at her back, Shepard finally fell into an uneasy sleep. 

She was on Horizon, pushing towards the turrets and keeping her eyes out for Kaidan at every turn and with every frozen colonist, her stomach grew more uneasy. As they fought through one more wave of Collectors, she finally saw him, frozen like the others they’d come across, but the relief that he wasn’t on the ship almost made her sag in place. 

In a moment her relief turned to horror as a new squad of Collectors landed in front of them, blocking her path to Kaidan’s frozen form. She watched, between waves of attacks, as the Collectors loaded him into a pod and carried him away. Screaming and firing her weapon, she tried to push through the attackers, but they just kept coming until she was watching the Collectors ship take off. 

On her knees, she watched them fly off, her throat raw from screaming his name. 

“Shepard!”

She clutched her head, drowning out the familiar shout. 

“Gemma, you’re safe!”

Waking with a gasp, Shepard tried to adjust to reality. 

It was a dream she’d had variations of since Horizon, one that had grown more frequent and violent since they’d infiltrated the Collector’s ship. If Kaidan hadn’t woken her, she knew the dream would have shifted to finding his body on the ship, which usually led to EDI waking her up from the nightmare, asking if she needed to call Dr. Chakwas. 

As her heartbeats slowed, she realized that she was pulled tight against Kaidan, their legs intertwined, the only thing between them was her fists which were clutching his shirt. He was rubbing her back in soothing circles, repeating the same comforting phrases in a whisper as she got her bearings. 

Without thought, she wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face against him and to her surprise, he returned the embrace and laid a kiss to the top of her head. It all felt so familiar, he smelled the same, his body fit against hers as it had for the few short weeks they’d shared a bed, and her heart ached. 

“Sorry,” she mumbled against his neck after a couple minutes. 

Feeling suddenly embarrassed she started to pull away but his arms remained locked around her. 

“It’s okay,” Kaidan whispered against the top of her head. 

Nightmares were not something she was unfamiliar with before her death, even six years after Akuze she would still occasionally wake with a thudding heart, dry mouth, and the pained faces of her squadmates burned onto her eyelids. Kaidan had only witnessed this once, he’d held her then just like he was now until she’d fallen back asleep. 

But she didn’t want to sleep now. Usually when she woke up from her Horizon nightmare it was to an empty cabin but this time he was beside her, solid and warm, holding her. 

She laid a tentative kiss against his neck, moving her hand into his hair, and pulling her body closer to his. 

Kaidan breathed deeply but his hands didn’t stop their comforting caress of her back. 

Pulling her face back, she laid her forehead against his, cupping his cheek in her hand and running her thumb along his stubbled skin. His eyes were closed but she watched him for signs that he wanted her to move away. Instead he seemed to be fighting his own desires. 

“Kaidan-” she started to say, breaking the heated silence, but she was cut off by his lips. 

Unable to help the moan that escaped her, Shepard melted into the kiss. 

His lips moved against hers with a sudden intensity, and his hands stilled, no longer soothing, but possessive, one cradling the back of her head, the other pressing firmly against the small of her back.

It wasn’t like the night before Ilos, or the other nights they were together, it felt more desperate, like they both knew it would change nothing but couldn’t help but give in. 

At least that’s how it felt for her and Kaidan’s moans and trembling hands were her confirmation that he felt the same. 

He moved his fingers along the hem of her tank top before slipping under the fabric to stroke her heated skin. 

Electricity raced down her spine and the smell of Eezo filled her senses as she flared under his hands. It was almost embarrassing that he could draw such a response from her, doing so little, but he seemed to like it, and started to pull at the hem of her top. He broke them apart for a moment while he removed it before they crashed back together like the shore to the tide. 

It still wasn’t enough, she needed to feel more of him against her warm, alive, real. 

Nearly frantic, she attempted to pull his shirt over his head in one quick movement but failed, drawing an awkward laugh from both of them as he finished the job for her, revealing the skin she’d been so desperate to touch. 

The moment of lightness settled between them and for a moment, she just stared into his eyes, the color of whisky, pupils wide with desire. He ran his fingers down her cheek once before bringing his lips back to hers. She finally removed her bra, pulling her body against his, skin to skin. 

And she was alive for the first time since waking up. 

One of his hands moved to her breast and he rolled his thumb over her nipple, causing her body to beg for more. It hadn’t forgotten those nights on the beach with the warm salty breeze flowing over them or the chilly nights on the Normandy where the fact that it was so clearly against regs didn’t seem to matter anymore. 

“Kai,” she whispered as he moved his mouth to her neck and trailed kisses down to her chest, finally pulling a nipple into his mouth. 

He was over her now, filling her senses and touching her in ways her own fingers had not been able to replicate. Overwhelmed, Shepard clung to his shoulders and let out the kind of noises she’d never been able to vocalize in their time on the Normandy where they always had to be quiet. 

When he moved to the other nipple, her hips lifted, grinding against his abdomen desperate for his touch. His fingers creeped down her belly, beneath her underwear, and between her legs to lay soft touches everywhere but where she wanted them. Opening her eyes in consternation, she saw his own amber eyes watching her with amusement. 

“Tease,” she said and batted at his chest. 

She felt the rumble of his chuckle and couldn’t stop herself from returning his smile. He’d called her a ghost on Horizon and it had been the truth: she’d haunted the halls of the SR2 during the day with empty conversation and filled her cabin with the cries of the dead at night. 

But now she was smiling again and she felt her heart beating wildly against her ribs like it was trying to break confinement to get to him, like he could resurrect her. 

Taking a fistful of his hair, she pulled his face to hers, their lips clashed together with every unspoken* need she’d felt for the past months. It was deep and hungry, all sharp edges and unspoken promises, the taste of the salt from her skin still lingering on his tongue. 

The gentle patterns his fingers were making across the sensitive skin between her legs, the softness of his lips, the scratch of his stubble, and the subtle scent of Eezo combined to take her to a timeless place where the past couple years never happened. 

The trance broke when his fingers finally found her clit, drawing a cry from her as she released his lips. 

“Kaidan,” she whined, reminding herself that this was indeed real and praying she wouldn’t wake up alone in her big empty bed on the Normandy. 

His teeth grazed her ear in answer as his fingers took up a rhythm he’d become familiar with years before. 

She came embarrassingly fast, the feeling of his fingers, his chest hair scraping against her nipples, and his lips on her neck driving her forward at a punishing pace. 

Her vision narrowed as a corona of light erupted over her body, engulfing them both in buzzing dark energy. Kaidan kept up his pace as she shook in his arms until she pushed his hand away, feeling too sensitive. 

The light of her biotics faded as her breathing evened out and instead of feeling satiated, she wanted more. Driven by the rapid beating of his heart and the erection pressed against her hip, she flipped him over on his back. 

Straddling his hips, she took a moment to admire him, flushed and grinning under her, before diving back to his lips with another desperate kiss. 

Her hips rolled, impatient for more delicious friction, drawing a moan from both of them. The tight grip of his hands on her thighs to the desperation in his kiss made the ache low in her belly almost unbearable. 

Unable to wait any longer, she reached between them to position him at her entrance and let out a curse as he angled his hips, sliding inside of her in a quick movement. Needing more, she sat up, stabilizing herself with her hands on his chest as she took up a quick pace. 

When she would lay in bed and imagine being with him again, she used to dream about slow and passionate love making but her body wouldn’t allow a slower pace as it chased another release. 

“Gemma,” Kaidan groaned, knuckles turning white on her thighs as he threw his head back in pleasure. 

*** 

He couldn't look away from the vision of a flushed Shepard moving above him, her breasts moving in a wild, beautiful rhythm as she rode him hard and fast. One of her hands moved from where it rested on his chest to slide up her body and cover her breast, Kaidan had to close his eyes to focus on not cumming. 

Over two years of celibacy was making it difficult to manage, however, especially with the sounds she was making. The lonely nights, Cerberus, the Collectors, all seemed insignificant compared to the gift of getting her back. 

Shepard’s biotics activated regularly during sex reacting to her body’s signals, and until he’d slept with her, Kaidan had never allowed his control to slip in that way. He’d been terrified of flaring and scaring, or even worse hurting, his partner, especially since he’d not been with another Biotic until Shepard. 

Their first time together, light had erupted over her skin when he’d gone down on her, covering his own skin in a comforting buzzing and startling him. He was familiar with her biotics by then but not in this context. In bed, Shepard’s biotics felt warm and soft, like she was delicately running her fingertips along his skin. 

It was intoxicating. 

He still hadn’t been able to bring himself to lose control until they were off the Normandy and in their little beach house away from any expensive equipment and prying eyes. Shepard had been as surprised by him as he’d been by her the night before Ilos but she seemed to enjoy the act as much as he had. 

Gently, he called on the dark energy inside him and focused it on one hand which he then brought between her legs to stroke her clit. 

With a shout, Shepard came, quicker than he’d anticipated. She contracted around him, throwing her head back as her rhythm became erratic. He watched her in the throes of ecstasy and kept up the buzzing pressure as she shook. After a few moments, she stopped shaking and collapsed on his chest with heavy breaths and slick skin. 

“Holy shit,” she finally croaked out. 

He ran his fingers down her back, covering them both in his corona, and kissed the top of her head. They laid there like that for a minute as she collected herself before Kaidan gently rolled her over. 

Instinctually, her legs circled his hips and she drew him near as he began moving again at a slower pace. By her slight twitches and moans, he could tell she was still sensitive and decided to slow the pace. He’d been so focused on keeping his field up while she came it had bought him some time and he intended to use it. 

The thought that this may very well be the last time he made love to her landed in his thoughts like a grenade. He closed his eyes, trying to put it out of his mind, but he couldn’t stop the cascade of emotions that followed it. 

Their last time together had been a couple days before the destruction of the Normandy, it had been quick and sweet. Shepard had been busy when he interrupted her and had needed to get back to work right after. 

He used to think about what he would have done differently if he’d known it was their last time and he used to picture it much like this, desperate and passionate. 

A caress on his cheek finally got him to open his eyes. He didn’t know exactly where Shepard’s thoughts were but based on the sheen in her eyes, he guessed her mind had drifted to the same dark place. 

She pulled him down to meet her lips in a long kiss, then rested her forehead against his. They were as close as physically possible, but it still didn’t feel like enough. The thought of putting any space between them, let alone light-years, was unthinkable. 

In the throes of passion, he was tempted to announce his intention to abandon the Alliance and join her on the SR2. She clearly wasn’t happy with Cerberus. He could keep her safe, stand with her when she defeated the Collectors, and sleep by her side at night. 

It was a beautiful fantasy that he let himself live in for a few precious minutes while he made love to her. 

The feel of her around him tight and warm, her nipples brushing against his chest with each movement, and the feel of her fingernails gently scraping over his scalp and back continued to stoke the fire low in his gut. 

The world turned white when he came, all else faded but the feeling of her surrounding him. 

When he returned to himself, he kissed her, tracing the inside of her mouth with his tongue, scraping his teeth gently against her lips, and not pulling away until he was desperate for breath. 

His fingers traced up her chest and neck to cup her cheek where he felt wet tracks left by fresh tears. He pulled away to look at her, suddenly concerned, he’d never seen Shepard cry. Vulnerability was not a word he would’ve used to describe the Commander. Even when they were together, and she’d let him glimpse her softer side, most of her walls had stayed firmly in place. 

It’s why her declaration of love had shocked him, Shepard didn’t let herself show weakness. Even to him. 

“Hey,” he whispered as she started to turn away from his gaze. 

He tilted her head back to face him and met her red-rimmed eyes. 

“Maybe we can just stay here,” she said, attempting a smile. “What do you think the chances are that someone comes looking for us?” 

He met her weak smile with one of his own. 

“Do you have enough rations to last us till the Reapers show up?”

Shepard let out a watery laugh and buried her face into his neck, stroking her hands down his neck and back in silence. For a few minutes, they stayed like that, wrapped in each other, until Kaidan finally got up. He padded to the kitchenette and returned with a few damp paper towels, gently cleaning between her legs. 

She watched him move about with quiet affection and pulled him into a kiss when he climbed back into bed.  

They curled under the blankets facing each other, exchanging slow kisses and saying nothing. 

There wasn’t much to say, they were back in reality. When the storm cleared, they’d have to find the Reaper tech, and then he’d fly back to Alliance space and she’d go face the Collectors. 

Despite everything weighing on them, they fell asleep quickly, wrapped around each other. It was the easiest Kaidan had fallen asleep in two years. 

***

An insistent beeping from her Omni-Tool woke Shepard some hours later, and with a sinking sense of disappointment, she realized the storm had cleared and their comms were back up. 

Kaidan was wrapped around her from behind, his face nestled against her neck, one hand resting on her belly, and his legs tucked behind hers. 

Despite the beeping and the clear skies, Shepard lay paralyzed for some time, unable to leave the comfort and warmth of his arms. 

In the end, it was her fear that they’d send someone after her that made her move. 

As soon as she shifted forward to grab her Omni-Tool Kaidan pulled her back to him, and she knew he’d been lying awake and unmoving too. 

“If I don’t answer, we’ll probably have a very put-out Turian busting through the airlock within the hour,” she mumbled. 

Despite her words, she turned to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

Kaidan hummed in response, leaning over her to grab her Omni-Tool for her. 

She opened up the comm to a very frustrated Joker. 

“Shepard?! What the hell? We were just about to send a rescue party, where have you been?” 

“I was asleep, I found shelter for the night. I’m about to go secure the tech. I’ll let you know when I’m done,” she responded shortly. 

“That’s all you’ve got to say? There’s an Alliance craft down there, please tell me you’re not going to add murder of Alliance personnel to your rap sheet,” the pilot snapped back. 

She sighed. 

“How about you worry about keeping the Normandy in one piece till I get back and I’ll worry about my mission.” 

“Jeez, excuse me for worrying. Joker, out.”

Shepard laid her forehead against Kaidan’s chest. 

“You should probably comm Hackett, tell him you made contact with me and you’ll secure the tech,” she said after a couple minutes. 

Kaidan’s eyebrows raised but he did as she said. Hackett, as always, kept his cool demeanor and if this whole exercise hadn’t been such a waste of manpower he’d have believed it was planned the whole time for them both to be there. 

They got dressed in relative silence, helping each other into their armor with lingering touches that said what words couldn’t. 

“I’ve got what we need to shield the tech in the shuttle,” Shepard said as they finished getting ready. 

“Cerberus tech?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah, top of the line. I’m sure you brought your own but our people might find it useful.” 

Kaidan tilted his head at her words. 

“Could you get in trouble for handing that over to the Alliance?” 

His voice was curious and concerned, a huge improvement from suspicious and frustrated. 

She waved off his concern.

“I’m sure the Illusive Man knows I’m in contact with the Alliance and feeding them intel. And I’m sure he’s not happy about it, but what can he do? Take away the Normandy? Then who would defeat the Collectors?” 

She couldn't help the grin that crossed her lips at the thought of irritating the Illusive Man. One of the small enjoyments she had these days was making his life harder. 

“Aren’t you worried that he’s using you, Shepard? What if he’s counting on you sending information back to the Alliance?” 

Her grin fell at his words and she turned away, ostensibly to set up their inter-helmet comms, but really to hide how much his questions annoyed her.        

“Come on, Kaidan, I’m smarter than that. You don’t think I haven’t considered that already? Everything I send is checked over by Hackett and his people. I’m not some green recruit, I know how to work a black op.” 

He sighed. 

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to- I know you can handle yourself. I’m just worried,” Kaidan said, sounding defeated. 

Turning back to face him, she cupped his cheek, stroking it with her thumb. She couldn't feel the heat of his skin through her glove, but she needed the connection all the same. 

“I know,” she whispered and gave him a long kiss. 

They were fully armored except for their helmets and she realized, with a lump rising in her throat, that this would probably be the last time she could kiss him. Definitely before leaving Boro, but with the suicide mission looming, it could be their last kiss ever. 

Kaidan seemed to sense her thoughts and pulled her to him as tightly as their armor would allow. 

Even though the kiss felt infinite, time eventually caught up with them, and they pulled apart. They put on their helmets, and Shepard was glad to have something that covered her face, hoping it would hide most of her feelings from Kaidan’s sharp gaze. 

But when she looked over at him, his amber eyes gave everything away. 

There would be no hiding from each other. 

Outside, the weather was lovely and she got a look at the lush alien landscape. Boro’s atmosphere was toxic to humans and its flora was different than most Shepard had ever seen, but it was lovely all the same. 

They picked up the shield at her shuttle before heading off to the marked location of the tech in the land rover that was parked in front of the research station. Kaidan insisted on driving, claiming that Shepard would kill them both and then they’d have to send out another team to find them. She’d feigned offence but smiled under her helmet at the familiar jab that had often been thrown her way when they’d been searching for Saren. 

“What do you think happened to the researcher?” Kaidan asked, a couple minutes into their drive. 

“Indoctrination,” she responded, and he glanced at her in surprise at her quick answer.

“I could be wrong, but from the intel I had, he’d indicated he didn’t have the proper equipment to shield the tech.” 

“You don’t think he’d know to stay away from it?” 

She shrugged. 

“Maybe. But I’m not sure how many people actually believe the stories. We know it’s true cause we’ve seen it, but he might have thought he’d be fine with shorter visits. He seemed to have left in a hurry, on foot. That doesn’t exactly scream clear-headed decision making.” 

“True,” Kaidan conceded. “Think we’ll find him at the site?”

“Maybe, if he abandoned the station recently he could still be alive. But I think you and I can handle one indoctrinated scientist,” she responded wryly. 

The site was marked by a tent that blended in well with the trees and plants nearby. Both soldiers held their weapons ready as they approached, but there was no movement outside. 

On Shepard’s cue, they pulled open the flaps of the tent, entering weapons first. 

Inside, they found Mesa hunched over a shiny black object. It sat on a tarp, paneled and about three feet tall, and the moment Shepard laid eyes on it, a wave of unease settled in her gut. 

Mesa spun to face them, flashing a small pistol. 

A strange smile graced his face that made Shepard’s discomfort grow. 

“Commander Shepard,” Mesa said, sounding pleased to see her. 

“Hello, Dr. Mesa, please put down the weapon. We’re here to secure the tech.” 

She kept her tone even despite the gun she was pointing at him. 

“I can’t let you do that. I’m responsible for protecting it until they return.” 

A cold chill ran down Shepard’s spine.

“And when will that be?” 

“Sooner than the galaxy is ready for.” 

At those words, he raised his pistol, and in the blink of an eye, Shepard’s own weapon discharged, drilling a hole right through the man’s heart, killing him instantly and, she hoped, painlessly. 

“Shepard!” Kaidan cried out. 

“We were going to have to kill him anyways, better to do it before he got a shot off,” she responded before he could argue further. “Better off dead than indoctrinated.” 

She could feel him ready to fight her and she held up her hands to stop his words. 

“We need to get this secured. We'll take his body back with us for proper burial.” 

Kaidan glowered at her but said nothing as she shielded the strange object. 

As soon as it was safely behind the shield, the feeling of unease passed and both of them sighed with relief. 

In silence, they loaded both the artifact and Mesa’s body, wrapped in a tarp, into the rover. 

When they were on their way back to the base, Shepard finally broke the silence. “I know you think we could have saved him but we had no way to subdue him. You’d be flying back with him plotting against you the entire time, just waiting to strike. There was no safe way to deal with this and soon we’ll have many more indoctrinated people on our hands, we can’t be bringing infected people back to the Alliance.” 

Kaidan sagged in his seat. 

“I know, I just- it was so fast, you didn’t even try to talk him down.” 

“Do you really think I could have talked him down?” she asked gently. 

His silence was answer enough. 

After securing the tech and Mesa into Kaidan’s shuttle, they stood together wordlessly, staring at the rover Shepard was going to take to her own shuttle. 

Kaidan reached for her hand and pulled her into an embrace. 

“Please be safe, Gemma.” 

He sounded broken, and Shepard closed her eyes against the tears that gathered there. 

“I’ll do my best,” she said, trying to sound more confident than she felt in her own survival. “You do the same.” 

“Come back to me when this is over,” he said finally, and released her. 

She nodded in response, too choked up to say a word, and got into the rover. 

Looking back at him one last time before driving away, their eyes met and she held his gaze for as long as she dared, trying to memorize his lovely whisky eyes, warm as sunlit resin and holding the promise of a future that would never be hers.

With a breaking heart, she turned away and headed back to the shuttle. 

Back to her life of captivity and a mission that held certain death. 

***

Two months later 

The crowd gathered in front of Alliance headquarters in Vancouver was restless. Reporters, various Alliance personnel, politicians, and curious civilians all waited with bated breath for the person who’d been recently labeled a mass murderer, responsible for the deaths of over 300,000 Batarians. 

Kaidan stood among them, face stony and gut churning. Soldiers held the crowd back, but Kaidan was with Councilor Anderson and therefore had a front row spot to watch as the shuttle containing Gemma Shepard arrived. 

The two men said nothing as Shepard was escorted out of the shuttle in manacles, with armed guards flanking in front, behind, and sides. 

Shepard’s chin was held high as she was marched towards the shouting crowd, her face betraying nothing. 

She was unchanged from the last time he’d seen her but as he watched her, he could see the signs of distress that he was sure no one but he and possibly Anderson would pick up on. 

He could see her quick shallow breaths, the way she bit the inside of her cheek, and the slight wrinkle between her eyes. She was pale and thinner than when he last saw her, with dark smudges under her eyes. 

“She looks tired,” Anderson commented, almost to himself, sounding for all the world like a worried father. 

Kaidan just nodded at this assessment, not sure how to feel. 

When he’d heard the news, he had simply not believed it. There was no way Shepard had been responsible for the destruction of an entire system. 

He’d gone immediately to Anderson, believing they would have to defend Shepard from these accusations. But when he’d arrived, Admiral Hackett was there as well, already in deep conversation with Anderson. There they broke the news that it was indeed Shepard who had flung an asteroid into the Alpha relay. 

Hackett had apparently just gotten back from visiting Shepard on the SR2 and had heard the story directly from her. The Admiral was insistent that Shepard deserved a medal for what she’d done but acknowledged that there would have to be a trial, something Shepard would be turning herself in for after defeating the Collectors. 

That day Kaidan’s view of this Shepard had changed. He was no longer sure it really was her or, if it was her, how much she’d been changed. A small part of him knew it was unfair, that she’d had to make an impossible decision in the worst situation imaginable. But 300,000 souls were exterminated on her call alone and he couldn’t sync that up with the Shepard in his head. 

As she got closer, she kept her eyes trained forward until they suddenly flicked in his direction and their eyes met. The veil fell. She was no longer unreadable; her eyes were pleading with him, desperate and shining with unshed tears. 

He didn’t know what expression his face held but whatever it was seemed to cause her further distress, until she finally looked away. Despite his confusion about who she actually was now,  he felt his heart break a bit as she pulled herself back together, turning her gaze towards the doors ahead, carefully ignoring the jeers and shouted questions as she went. 

Kaidan watched as she disappeared through the door, not knowing when or if he’d see her again and questioning why the thought of not seeing her again hurt so bad after all she’d done. 

As he headed back to his quarters, he felt the weight of the day settle on his chest like a stone. 

He felt a cold emptiness that seemed to stretch out, an endless void that grew as the realization began to settle in: Shepard was well and truly gone. 

Perhaps that was Shepard’s body and maybe even her mind but he couldn’t shake the feeling that the woman he’d loved so dearly truly had died with the SR1.

And there would be no resurrecting her.

[mintharaestermont]

the true reason behind the carnival was a simple one, something to mark the changing of the seasons from dry to wet, a last celebration before the stormland rains battered the island for months on end. it seemed like something too ordinary to offer him, though, as though the simple act of mentioning the weather would dampen the moment. she was barely listening to the music, moving without thought whilst her attention remained entirely upon amir, gaze catching on the curve of his cheekbones and the glint in his eye each time he said something with a spark of mischief in it.

"obviously there's a reason," she said, solemnly - all together too solemnly, which made it plain that nothing she was about to say was true. she paused, both for dramatic effect, and to give herself a moment to think of something worth saying. "ancient tradition, goes back to the first estermonts. see, there was this pirate from the stepstones. horrid man, terrifying. used to raid up and down the island, stealing everything that wasn't nailed down - fish, wine, women, you name it." she paused for a moment to draw her breath, unable to keep the smirk from her face. "anyway, he tried to sack greenstone during one of my ancestors' wedding feast. waited until they were all deep in their cups to attack, thought it would give him the upper hand. only us estermonts get rowdy when we're pissed. ended up chasing him back into the sea in all our wedding finery, feathers, face paint, the works. so we declared ourselves protected by the sacred power of pleasure, and every year we commemorate it by drinking, dancing, and getting loud. never had a pirate make it past the reef since. can't be a coincidence, can it?"

minty didn't know how she got through it without laughing, though she somehow managed it. her skirts were still swaying about her ankles from when he had spun her, and she scoffed after he had spoke. "ain't no kindness in that, amir," she pointed out. "this is the westerlands. they can barely two-step in time with the music. throw a proper beat at them and i'm not sure they'd survive it without a maester on standby."

she adjusted her hand in his grip, ensuring their fingers were laced together more comfortably. "can't i be both? the island and the storm?" she asked, lighter than she felt. it was a question that she'd been asking herself more often lately, and one she never quite had the answer to. the estermonts by their very existence occupied space in two different worlds, and yet she was always too much of one thing and not enough of the other. "you're a sailor, aren't you? you know that the tide knows how to rage when it feels like it." she shrugged her shoulders. "no reason i can't have the sun on my skin and thunder in my chest, is there?"

she wasn't sure, in that moment, that she was all too bothered with what was polite and proper, but any thought of demanding he take her for his sailor's swill was pushed from her mind by the simplicity of his statement - i like talking to you. there was something about the way he said it that had her grin softening at the edges, as though he'd offered her a small, private gift. it was becoming abundantly clear that there was something about amir manderly, something other than his charm and his grin and the bravado of it all. "all right, then," she agreed. "something else."

minty fell silent for a minute,because she was thinking, reaching for something that was worth offering him. she wasn't the type to find herself lost for words, but something about being told to say something else had made her mind go stupidly blank. "more used to people telling me to shut up than keep talking," she laughed, more at her own expense than anything else. for the first time since they had started talking, she felt self-conscious. "feels weird the other way round. maybe give it a try, i might think of something worth saying then."

❅

the music drifted into a different tempo, a plucked string here, a ripple of harp there, something dainty and very western in its bones, but lord amir manderly had never much cared for dancing by someone else’s rhythm. the beat was fine—light, floaty, inoffensive—but it wasn’t his. still, he adjusted his step, only just, enough to let the thread of their shared movement remain taut and unbroken as he led minthara estermont across the floor. she moved like she had a secret tucked beneath her ribs and it might escape at any moment if she laughed too hard. that, of course, only made him want to keep her laughing.

"carnival, is it?" he said, a grin already rising on his lips. “is there a reason it happens when it does back home, or d’you lot just pick a day and decide it’s time for feathers and half the island drunk before noon?” his tone was curious but light, teasing—like he was inviting her to lie to him if it made the story better. “because if there’s method to the madness, i’d love to hear it. if not—well. no shame in pleasure for pleasure’s sake.” he spun her lightly, just enough for her skirts to catch the air before he pulled her back in, close again, the press of her hand still firm in his.

“speaking of,” he chuckled, shaking his head as if already amused by his own imagining, lowering his voice so only she could hear; it was in that moment, seeing the way the candlelight reflected from her skin, he confirmed in his own mind he did find her attractive. “i’d kill to take over this music right now. give me five minutes and i’d switch it up enough to get the crackers on the edge of the floor bobbing their heads—then just when they start feelin’ themselves, switch. throw off the beat. leave ‘em lookin’ confused.” he was laughing now, not softly either, a warm sound that rumbled low in his chest as though the thought delighted him entirely too much. “it’s a kindness, really. man's just keepin’ them humble.”

minthara had said something about storms earlier, about dancing through them like it was a part of her, and that—he liked. that was the sort of talk that made him take a second look at a woman. but still, the smile playing across his face bent into something more mischievous as he leaned in slightly, voice lowered with fond amusement. “stormlander, is it? funny. ‘cause from where i’m standin’, you’re all island, minty. white sands, hot sun. the kind of girl who don’t flinch from heat, who probably learned to dance with the tide rolling in behind her.” his dark eyes glinted, like he could see it—the image of her barefoot and laughing on greenstone’s shores—and liked it enough to linger there a moment longer than was strictly polite.

his free hand, the one resting at her waist, flexed just slightly as they turned again with the music. “i’ll confess, i’ve got no rum aboard my ships these days, been cutting back,” he said, voice full of mock regret. “there’s nasty liquor for the sailors—burns goin’ down and makes ‘em forget the taste of salt—but i wouldn’t put that in your hands. tastes awful.” the look he gave her then was entirely deliberate: flirty, but not crude, warm with a kind of chivalry he’d been raised to wear like a second skin. “not that i’d expect you to get drunk with a man you just met. wouldn’t be proper.” and yet the grin that followed didn’t seem too fussed with proper at all. he swayed with her a beat longer, the rhythm easing between them like it had always been there. it was strange, how natural this all felt—how easily she kept pace with him.

his eyes dropped to her face again, studying the line of her jaw, the curve of her smirk, the spark in her eyes that said she was enjoying this just as much as he was. “so,” he said, voice softening with genuine curiosity now. “tell me something else, minthara estermont. not about carnival. not about storms. just something—anything. i like talkin’ with you.”

[roskapanda]

Today is the day for people not to forget that vegetarianism exists. Maybe they’re not as “morally pure” as you want them to be, only shunning meat as is, or varying degrees of animal products including or excluding milk, eggs, even fish to some, depending on what your meat avoidance is (red meat, mammals, etc), but vegetarians are still a thing and they’re here. And it’s still a very viable option for people who want to be more aware, but don’t want to throw everything they already have away for containing a small amount of milk or fish product. Like most sauces you might find in your cabinet. Fish sauce is an ingredient in a lot of Asian cuisine sauces, just fyi.

And fuck those people who go “vegan or nothing!” They’re the exact same people who go “NO PAIN NO GAIN” on you on gym, when you can’t perform to perfection. They’re impossible, they expect impossible, they don’t exist in real life and thus they lack empathy, and they lack any awareness of you as a person, living in a situation.

If you want to lessen your consumption of meat or animal products without going scorched earth on them, you can do so. And it’s okay, too. One less piece of any meat consumed is better than none. It doesn’t matter if you can’t keep up with it or lapse once in a while. You as a singular consumer don’t matter quite that much as to bring down a movement with one or two mistakes. That’s actually a lie compounded on by THE industry, trying to shift the blame away from them and it’s not quite as black and white. But if it lessens your guilt then YES, you are not responsible for industries and your lone consumption will not change anything. You just need more people on your side.

...which is where vegeterianism and not being so fucking stubborn hardline comes in. Vegans I’ve seen have done nothing to encourage doing less with meat. They just say YOU NEED TO, NOW. And sharing recipes with fellow vegans, going “oooh, aaah” don’t count.

IN fact, I don’t care who the person who got their vegan lox recipe with carrots and salt shared on a national media is, or if they deserve even more accolades than they got, I’m just saying that anyone who spray painted “go vegan!” on a side of a building did less. They did something alright, some markings on a stuff. Which mostly annoys people in general. And then they think that annoyance or emotional reaction from non-vegans means anything (oooh they feeling guilty oooooh feeling so bad oooooh) and that they did something huge.

IN FACT, anyone just quietly sharing vegan recipes that look and taste good, and maybe even ways to do traditionally meat things as vegan, have done more to their cause than any-single-motherfucker who has ever spray painted shit, or yelled about their cause online, gotten angry at strangers online for their cause, or tried to gatekeep people like vegetarians or less meat people from their cause.

...just saying o.O

[loderlied]

sharing some thoughts about deactivating here because it’s been difficult pondering idk.

[screampied]

VENOMIZED?! t. fushiguro

❤︎ sum. your ex-fiancé needs a favor from you — just one more, he swears! apparently, he’s got some weird “parasite” that for some reason is very attracted to your sweet, sweet scent..

wc. 9.2k

warnings. fem! reader, venom! toji, modern au, pre-established relationship, pining, some spoilers + movie references, reader's a doctor (allegedly), unprotected, venom's dialogue is in bold, venom's tendrils, long tongues, brief bj's, manhandling, getting pounded silly in venom’s suit, choking, size kinks, L bombs, cunnīlingus, twice the stamina, marathons, fīngering, riding toji ‘till he cries, venom's kinda unserious, dīck slipping, cęrvix mentions, spitting on it, bręeding, squīrting, tummy bulges.

an. i’m ovulating and rewatched all three venom movies hear me OUT-

“pussy.”

“venom, man- please.”

“what.”

furrowing your brows, you stared at toji, the man who you were originally supposed to marry just six months ago. in the flesh, he stands tall behind the door of your office with a sheepish expression. he looks tired, ruffled hair buried underneath a sideways baseball cap while wearing some dingy sweats. “are you talking to yourself?”

“eheh- well,” toji gruffs, darting lime eyes toward your teal scrubs. he’s missed you. to think if he hadn’t been stupid enough to snoop through your life foundation files to expose confidential information regarding their private business practices. his silly little mistake ended up getting you both fired, but fate loved playing in your face because you almost forgot that you were still toji’s doctor at your other job. clearing his scratchy throat, toji sighs. “i’m dyin’ here, doc. need a checkup.”

“she smells good.”

“yeah, she does smell good.”

“what?” you eyed toji, wondering just who the hell he was even talking to.

toji looks at you, scratching behind his neck. “ah- sorry,” and you notice how he’s a lot veinier than usual. toji did a quick scan around the spacious, empty doctor’s office before he slightly tilted his head down. “long story short, sugar, i got a … parasite.”

“PARASITE!?”

“parasite?” you repeated with a deadpan, grabbing your clipboard near your desk.

oh for the love of . .

you thought you’d never see toji again. letting off a sigh of your own, you pat the cerulean-blue hospital bed. “sit.”

hoarsely scoffing, toji makes his way toward the bed before flopping on it with a loud ‘oof.’ scratching his head, he turns toward you as he sees you writing something down—probably information regarding his chart. “so… how ya been?”

“toji, let’s just make sure you’re alright.”

“fine, fine,” he grumbles, getting smacked face first with the thick tension swarming the air that could be cut with a knife.

there was obvious tension between the two of you, and toji was still head over heels in love with you. in fact—he’s never stopped, and he regrets every day choosing his career over his relationship.

if he could start over, hell - he would.

the two of you had plans and everything after getting married. settle down, maybe move out of san francisco, maybe even live near the countryside. you both even had a brief small talk about children too, but seeing you again just reminded him of how much he screwed up.

“what’s . . the problem, exactly? you said you have a what- parasite?”

your sweet tone snaps him out of his thoughts and his droopy, grassy eyes flick down to meet your gaze. “oh- uh, yeah. you’re the only person i thought of comin’ to. last doctor, i went to called me crazy and uh … called a swat team…. ha.”

“ooookay…” you curl a brow inward, hoping the last part was just another one of his unfunny jokes. “and does this ‘parasite’ make you talk to yourself or is that just toji being toji?”

“she’s sassy.”

toji rolls his eyes, disregarding venom’s instigating comments in his head before shrugging. “sometimes. he’s annoying.”

“he?”

“my uh- parasite. he hates being called ‘it.’ goes by venom ‘n everything,” toji explains, his hands still buried deep into the pockets of his cottony sweats. as you glance up to get a good look at him, he’s sweating bullets—all from the sides of his forehead too. “oh, ‘m fine. ‘s just a bit hot in here.”

“the a/c’s on.”

“oh..” toji murmurs, slouching a bit on the bed. to say he’s feeling hot is an understatement. it’s like the more he stared at you, the more he started to feel the unsteady beats of his heart pick up.

ba-dump after ba-dump after ba-dump! and he could even start to hear each pulse through his ears, traveling through his veins.

toji clenches his tense jaw as he tries to listen to you. you’re rambling a bunch of medical terminology about checking his vitals and blood pressure and he’s replying with uninterested head nods.

oh fuck.

venom’s getting excited.

it’s probably been about five months since the little ‘incident’ occurred where he ended up getting venom.

long story short—toji was snooping around the headquarters of the life foundation where he found actual test subjects. not animals, not insects but people. live, living, and breathing people, and before he could even think of pulling out his phone to record the things he saw - bam!

one of the test subjects—a girl, sneaks up from behind and attacks toji.

little did he know that a ‘parasite’ that was once inside her ended up slipping inside of him. the parasite is known as ‘venom.’ to sum it all up toji was a perfect match, the perfect host.

“toji, are you even listening to me?”

“yeah, toji. our wife’s talking to us.”

“shut up.” he grumbles, shaking his head.

“excuse me?”

“not you- ah, fuck,” toji takes off his ball cap, running a hand through his greasy darkened strands.

he’s been so kept in his thoughts that he didn’t feel you checking his vitals and blood pressure which was oddly higher than a usual human.

toji sits on the sheet-covered bed, the blood pressure cuff still wrapped ‘round his beefy bicep before he sighs deeply again. “i don’t.. wanna waste yer time. i doubt you’ll find what’s wrong, er- medically. it’s … hah- hard to explain.”

as you switched the sphygmomanometer off, you concluded with toji’s chart for now before thinking for a moment. “well, if it’s internal and is causing you to behave strangely, maybe an MRI will help-”

“NO.”

toji grows sheepish again. “heh- no, no.. MRI.”

“and why not?”

“sound… uh- sound hurts him. him and me.”

dropping your shoulders with impatience, you tap your foot with a grumble. “look, toji, i’m really trying here but i’m not sure how else i can help you. i don’t even know what this ‘parasite’ thing even is.”

“it’s.. better if i show ya.”

right at his words, your brows raised. show you?

at that moment—question marks were popping up all through your brain, and you were the epitome of confusion. toji sighed, sitting up straight before glancing down at you. “don’t get scared, alright? i won’t hurt’cha, promise.”

“um, okay..” you murmur, crossing your arms as your wrist bristles against your doctor identification badge. the anticipation’s nearly killing you, and you remain quiet as you try to study toji’s next move.

“alright-” toji inhales deeply, and right before your very eyes - he’s changing forms.

he’s still wearing sweats, but within seconds, his body’s starting to get covered with black. it looks like some sort of dark villain suit. he’s waaaay bigger now, and his face’s just halfway covered. as you raise your head, you’re met with the face. the slit, blinking eyes. there’s large, curving eyes that longly curl further up near the back of his head and the teeth-

half of toji’s mouth was now replaced with probably dozens of sharp, honed teeth and an obnoxiously long tongue sticking out of the side of his mouth.

what ….

the ….

fuck.

“pretty little girl.”

the voice sounded far different than toji’s. it’s more pitchy and low, it's screaming with smoky bass and it nearly makes you shudder. toji - or whoever that was, did a quick walk around you and you’re silently gulping.

it’s venom now, and the more he’s in your presence, the more he’s getting a louder smell of your signature sweet scent.

so this is the girl toji’s been whining about non-stop. interesting.

“i- um.. take it you’re the parasite?”

you heard an annoyed growl leave from his mouth before he replies, cocking its head.

“watch it, now. it’s venom, sweet thing.”

“venom, poison, toxin- whatever.” you rolled your eyes, your slight fear subsiding. toji told venom how you were sassy but you, you were intriguing. you didn’t seem the least bit scared and he liked that.

as you took in his massive appearance though, he was just so big, towering over toji entirely even with his head tilted down. venom’s very burly, and you could just see him drooling from his lips from your peripherals. in a tiny frail voice, you murmured. “where’s toji? is he-”

“still here, unfortunately. he’s my shitty host-”

right on cue, they swap back and toji’s back in his body. he rubs behind his neck, looking down at your cute appalled expression. “heh- see?”

“toji, what the hell did i just see.”

“i don’t know- but look, he’s a part of me now and he’s hell-bent on makin’ my life a livin’ hell for as long as i’m alive,” toji let off an exhale. “i didn’t . . just come here for a checkup though.”

your eyes meet his and toji’s demeanor turns more serious now - he’s starting to sweat again, and raven bangs that slit down his forehead nearly shield his eyes. “i- i missed you, sugar. seriously.”

“toji-”

“no, listen,” he grumbles, slowly closing the awkward distance between the two of you. the room grew dead quiet, and the only sounds that could be heard were from the outside of the hospital.

endless chatter and machines along with occasional beeps from the staticky hospital’s intercom. intently, you stare deep into his eyes and his hand softly goes on your cheek. toji’s patiently waiting - waiting for the moment for you to push his hand away, but you don’t.

instead, your body’s first response was to lean into his touch and you could see his eyes slowly widening as he continued to caress your cheek. he didn’t expect that.

“god, i- i’m so… horny-”

…..

“nice one. no wonder why you struggle to get laid.”

you blink thrice, staring at toji and oh- he’s starting to sweat even more. his eye seems to be twitching from venom’s insult and you’re wondering what’s going on through his brain - or who.

he’s not sitting on the bed anymore, he’s standing now, and again, toji towers over you completely.

if you squinted just enough, you’d see the dark bags indenting underneath his eyes. “you look .. really pretty today.”

“i’m wearing scrubs, toji.”

“idiot.”

toji grumbles, trying to disregard venom’s snarky side comments. “i know- i know, i just-” he pauses, his eyes trailing up and down your body. “wait- i think i know how you can help with my parasite.”

“how?”

“heh- do you uh- mind if we go back to your place? ‘m kinda starved-”

♡ ♡ ♡

“o- oh my.. god!” you’d squeal, yet another pretty primal ripping its way out of your throat. one minute, you’re having a heart-to-heart with your ex-fiancé and the next, his tongue’s swirlin’ left and right in between the cracks and crevices of your open thighs. you’d be lying through your teeth if you didn’t miss his tongue.

but fuck it.

you’re whimpering, swollen-glossed lips trembling as you’re hunched over your damn sofa. you’re bent over the arm of the couch as toji’s positioned behind you, using one hand to roughly grip the right cheek of your ass.

like always - he’s just nasty, sliding his tongue in and out of your syrupy cunt, savoring the candy-sweet taste. toji’s all in there—puckering his plump glossy lips as your hips refused to stay still on his tongue.

“hngh- sweeter than ever for me, pretty hah- mama,” toji groans, feeling you writhe again at the shuddering response your body gives him.

leisurely, his scarred lips tickle their way against the outer part of your pussy and you’re already fighting back fat tears. tears of straight pleasure, and he could hear those sweet ‘lil sobs getting caught in the back of your throat every time.

“fuck- dreamt ‘bout tastin’ you again for so long,” and as you’re continuing to fill the room with your repeated, wailing whimpers, toji brings a sticky, wet kiss to your labia that’s just constantly twitching. “mhm, i missed you too, wet girl.”

“ngh- toji,” a soft, gasping moan snatches away from your lungs as your thighs gradually grow shaky. you’re unstable—struggling desperately to cling onto the armrest of the sofa. toji’s tongue was just brutal - its pace was simply relentless, barely giving you any time to get out a single breath.

“fuck- fuuuuck,” and your chest dips inward, hearing that familiar slosh sound sob from between your legs. your tummy nearly does flips, cartwheels, and somersaults, feeling that thick, big stretch of one of toji’s fingers trying to insert its way inside you.

immediately, you’re clamping around him, presenting his stocky fat middle finger with your dripping, slick warmth. you heard a cooing, husky ‘ooooh’ rumble away from toji’s throat as he stared in awe.

“your fingers are sooo- fuck-” you’re cut off by his tongue that’s wetly slurping against your pussy. it’s so loud too, a carnal sound you’d probably never get used to.

toji’s a sloppy man - proud ‘n entirely unashamed, especially when it came to you.

his long, ravened lashes were closed the entire time whilst he was trying to barrel thick fingers inside of your drooling core. you’re just so wet, dampening his fingers within each overwhelming inch that sinks inside your pussy. “baby-” he breathily rasps, hearing the hurried huffs depart from your throat once he starts scissoring his digits inside of you. his fingertips were even bigger, and your toes were just pathetically curling up.

“toji, i want a taste too.”

toji grumbles, nearly forgetting about venom’s presence. already - you had a good portion of his chin dripping with your essence. as toji’s starting to create a decent, sloppy thrusting pace of his fingers, he spits on your clit.

“don’t be greedy. besides my tongue’s longer.”

“fine.” toji rolls his eyes, glancing at the glittery glob of spit that’s straightly cascading down the slit of your cunt.

venom did have a point though -

he could stretch it out to be several feet long. toji’s fingers continued to loudly thrust in and out of your sobbing, wet cunt before he nibbles against your nub. “mmch- sugar, can i try somethin’ with my tongue?”

“o.. okaay-” your voice cutely cracks, and you’re already starting to feel the irregular beats of your heart pick up at a much more frantic speed.

“hah- i’ll have ‘ta take my fingers out for it. might stretch you a bit,” and right as he says that you hear the drenched ‘pop’ sound splash away from between your trembly legs.

you’re damn near hysterical - temporarily pouting once you’re clenching around nothing but air once he pulls his fingers out.

down to his rounded, pointy knuckles — both fat fingers were glossed from top to bottom with streams of your gluey slick.

you heard a ‘whoosh’ from behind you, and your eyes slightly bulged once you felt a bit of drool splatter onto your back. you’re completely bare, and the only thing you currently had on was panties that toji lazily shoved to the side with his teeth earlier.

“bend.”

it’s venom’s voice this time, and the bass gruffly screaming in his tone had you already arching up. you whined, still feeling him shamelessly drooling on your bare backside.

you could hear him snarling quietly, hearing the slopping sound of his tongue rolling straight out of his hanging maw. curled, white eyes stare at your pretty pussy just on display, and venom’s tongue stretched out even farther.

“eyes… lungs… pancreas…” his venomous, deep voice bellows after each word that leaves his dropping, wet lips. the chiseled, sharp teeth that decorated the inside of venom’s mouth were just so shiny.

you felt yourself throbbing at every second he spent widely staring at your body, admiring your nude physique.

large, blinking eyes finally flicker down between your thighs and you moan once he hungrily licks his long tongue across his salivating lips. once he teasingly brings the tip of his tongue to lick between the wet crevice of your leg, you whimpered as he finished his sentence. “—pussy.”

“o- oh.. my goood-” you’d croak, eyes instantly rolling back once the slimy tip of his tongue slaps its way against your hole.

slooowly, it slithers its way down until it reaches your opening. it was so long, the tip already reaching near your navel within half a second. it’s just huuuge, longer than toji’s tongue by a mile. he’s just as ruthless too, dipping his way inside of your inviting cunt without muttering a single word.

you’re holding onto the edge of the couch for dear life, gnawing at the inside of your cheek as his tongue sloppily flops its way in and out of your throbbing pussy. venom’s a tease too, and every few seconds he’d purposely stretch the tip of his tongue even longer just to hear those pretty cries of yours pitch higher.

“uuugh.. s- so long, fuck-” you’d whine, gasping once you felt his flicking tongue occasionally slap against the sprawled arc of your thighs. unapologetically, venom creates a slimy, wet trail and he’s just straight-up licking you everywhere.

he’s not only licking your pussy, he’s gliding his tongue down your legs, around your legs, and of course -

he tends attention to his new favorite spot, your hole.

every time he’d lave the reddened, curly tip of his tongue at that particular spot - you’d let off the prettiest squeal. your eyes nearly popped out of their poor sockets as you’re left a stammering, babbling mess. messily, he swirls his extended tongue around your puckering hole before slithering it back down between the puffed folds of your pussy.

“ ‘m not.. hah- not gonna last, toji-”

venom scoffs, but he could feel toji trying to take over. as you remained awkwardly hunched over the fluffy armrest of your sofa, you just couldn’t get over how long venom’s tongue was.

just thinking about how many feet it was had you fluttering, and not just the kind of fluttering that occurs inside your stomach.

it’s wet, dripping everywhere down your legs as it continues to glissade up, down, ‘n around. you were impatiently spasming on his tongue the entire time as you were still arched over, chasing each incoming breath until your release decided to present itself.

venom’s tongue was widely thick too, and it just couldn’t help but roll its way against the bare left cheek of your ass. you’re practically gasping for air at this point, on the verge of collapsing from the length of his tongue before he delves it in wholly.

“fuck- fuuuuck-” you’d squeak, drool moistly seeping from each corner of your lips.

steamy, hot breath tickles against your thigh as his tongue continued to drag its way through your sloppy cunt. every smacking slosh that you heard from between your yelping legs only grew louder, and you’re just gnawing on the bars of your fuckin’ enclosure.

you’re starting to cutely crawl forward, at least you’re trying to, but you gasp—feeling one of venom’s long black tendrils curl its way around your torso.

“stay, girl.”

you’re moaning, eyes bulging wider once the tip of his tongue occasionally reaches near your pulsating g-spot. he’s so sloppy with it too, purposely diving his tongue at that same spot to make you cross-eyed.

your sweet melodic ‘ooooh’ ‘s only pitched higher, and as his tongue continued to thrust in and out of your throbbing cunt, you felt his tendril delicately caressing down your skin. “ ‘m gonna cummm-” you’d whine out, feeling the pathetic surrendering quake of your legs.

his tongue was just sooo vast ‘n wide - thickly stretching inside of your cunt before flicking the tip of his flat tongue all against your drenched, wet thighs.

within a blink of an eye, you hear a ‘swoof’ sound and toji ends up switching back to his original form. your kaleidoscope-like vision had you seeing bleary white splotches of pleasure. as each lively vein and axon located in your body gets harshly interrupted with a euphoric wave of elation, your high’s finally making its longly awaited appearance.

venom’s tongue which is now toji’s tongue shrinks a bit, and the entire time—you feel it all inside of you. pulse after pulse after pulse . .

the scar that slit down the right side of his lip smeared against your pussy as he takes one big sluuuuurp.

toji groans, grabbing ahold of your rickety thighs before snickering lowly. “c’mon, pretty girl. give it t ‘me. hah- ‘m so thirsty,” he murmurs against your folds, his lips wetly gluing together with the help of your slick cascading down his stubbled chin.

you’re just shaking - your jaw dropped with your toes cutely curled together. toji softly slides another finger inside you and this time, it's his index finger.

your lips spread wide - parting into a cute, surprised ‘o’ once you feel a brief cold band of what feels like a ring. it’s his engagement ring, and after all this time he still wore it.

“f- fuck, tojiiiii-” you’d sob out, furrowed brows contorting as he’s trying to slide in each thick inch of his digit.

you’re drooling, and not just from your mouth.

“never .. hngh- stopped lovin’ you, sweetheart,” toji grumbles, a smoky groan ripping out of his throat once he feels his dick twitching in his sweats.

toji’s hard too, and you could even hear him let off a soft raspy whine once he started to roll his hips against the cushioned couch. “fuuuck- gonna make me cum too, ugh-”

the wet silver band of his engagement ring tickles against the inside of your core, and as he repeatedly pistons his thick digit in and out of your pussy, he kept flicking his tongue at the same time.

you’re shivering, feeling your hips dramatically stutter before the coil buried deep in your fluttering tummy finally snaps.

“fu- fuck!” you’d squall out a pretty near battle cry, purring off little shaky ‘ah’ ‘s once you hear his final, repeating slurps.

toji’s free hand already snuck underneath his sweats, and he was angrily pumping his veiny cock that hid underneath his boxers.

the white stripes of his underwear had ‘lethal protector’ decorated around the upper strip of his boxers in bold white and purple — (venom’s idea of course)

as toji’s kiss-stung lips practically glued against your pulsating clit, he drinks all of your slick juices. the top row of his teeth playfully snags against your nub as his long, dark lashes flutter shut.

but as you’re creaming on his tongue, toji grunts loudly.

his bare shaft that’s hugged around his palm ends up releasing too from the tip, and he grumbles, feeling the inside of his stomach frantically tighten.

toji ends up cumming merely nanoseconds after you, and white splotches end up spraying over his stomach and on the burgundy cushion below you both.

“hah- fuck,” toji growls through honed, gritted teeth. he’s drenched with sweat, and he’s letting off guttural moans against your sweet cunt as his animalistic hips humped against the sofa. “made a fuckin’ mess outta me, pretty girl. just like . . ya always do-”

as you’re still getting over your own teeth-shatter release, you end up sitting up. toji brings his slick-covered ring finger towards his scarred lips, giving it a teasing ‘lil suck before humming in content. “my wife’s always had the sweetest taste.”

“ex-fiancée.” you corrected him, still feeling your thighs quake.

“oh, boo. same thing, sweetheart,” toji pants, and he saw how your eyes immediately dropped further down.

it starts near his chest. toji’s chest was puffed out, and fuck was he buff. his arms were oh-so swole, and your gaze was entirely stuck to his body as he started to take off his sweater.

after that - came his tank top.

it’s dingy, a dirty color of white and you could even see a few curly black strands of chest hair poke near the center part.

as you were openly gawking - you didn’t even realize you were crawling closer and closer toward him..

this probably wasn’t a good idea.

you’d probably regret this tomorrow.

but, again - fuck it.

one more last time with your ex-fiance couldn’t hurt that bad, right . . ?

“heh- come closer,” toji sits manspread, sprawling his beefy vein-covered arms over the edge of your sofa. “i don’t bite but venom might.”

“shut up-” you mumbled, and toji inhaled a sharp breath at the familiar feeling of your touch.

as always - you’re just so gentle, tenderly tender with one of your palms wrapping over his sensitive erect length. it’s like he grew the last time you saw him, and from all the tannish-pink sides, it was overwhelmed with veins.

prodding, lightning-shaped veins.

toji’s rounded tip was a pretty color of pink with splotches of glittery white where a few remnants of cum remained.

grunting—toji’s eyes briefly flap shut and you could see the core muscles in his stomach tightly flexing. a single vein throbs down the left side of his shaft as he feels your tongue flick against his frenulum.

speaking of - his poor, rosy-colored cockhead’s just tearing with glossy globules of pre-cum. you swirl your tongue around, hearing each low growling ‘o- oh fuck,’ leave from toji’s scarred lips.

if it was anything he missed more than you, it was your mouth. you always knew how to wrap your lips around his cock. ardently, toji bites his lip before he sees you reaching between your legs.

humming, he raises a brow as your hot throat starts to finally lower itself against his weighty cock. “mngh- poor baby. need a hand?”

“ ‘m fine,” you grumbled through full lips, almost remembering just how big toji’s dick really was.

seconds later and your lips were feeling tender just from the subtle gaping stretching it created. you’re letting off a symphony of muffled moans left and right as you’re trying to get his mushroomy tip to hit the roof of your mouth. as toji ogles at your bobbling head, he playfully pinches your nose.

“fuck- thaaat’s it, breathe.” he released the grip from your nostrils, hearing a faint noise of a gag.

he was just so thick, and your fingers weren’t helping your impatient fervor at all. you weren’t just throbbing anymore from between your legs you were twitching too.

a lustrous strand of saliva dribbles from the corner of your lips as you moan again - pretty, bleary eyes glancing back up at toji before you huff. with a sloppy, wet ‘pop!’ noise, your drooling lips left his veiny cock.

“hm?” toji lets out a smoky exhale, a wide palm still softly placed on top of your head. he sees the needy little pout gradually spreading against your face before he smears his fat tip against your lips. “impatient, wifey?”

“toji-” you grumbled, not even caring anymore. your body knew all too well what it wanted. “just fuck me.”

you wanted him - maybe even needed him.

toji knew what you wanted too, and god- you just wanted to wipe the smirk right off his face.

it’s like he could read you like a book. after saying just his name though—you let off another gasp once he suddenly lifts you.

“hah- well then. upsie’ fuckin daisey, girl. i gotcha.”

strenuous, hefty arms carry you as he’s stomping down your hallway. emerald-green eyes occasionally leer at the few hung paintings and wall decorations that are displayed on your wall.

of course, toji knew where your bedroom was because that’s exactly where he was taking you.

never before had your jaw dropped wider.

once toji’s aligning his blushing, plump tip against your already sobbing pussy you knew it was game over. toji had you in one of his favorite positions - prone bone.

almost like before, your face was down with your pretty, wriggling ass raised. a long, rectangular mirror was propped up in front of you and toji was just silently drinking in every lewd expression that contorted against your face.

his sweats - his boxers, everything seemed to disappear and all he wore was that same black suit with a carved ‘spider’ looking symbol on his chest.

“mhm- look at how wet she is for me, fuck-” toji grumbles, carnally admiring how your clit was just fluttering with a jumble of aroused pulses.

“you mean us.”

“us, right.” toji rolls his eyes at venom’s remark, forgetting how you couldn’t hear him at all.

you were just drenched, and as he ran a swollen thumb down your slivering slit, he hummed.

if he squinted just enough, your pussy would’ve easily resembled a flower - so so pretty.

toji groans, and you hear a bit of a faint whoosh sound.

right before your eyes as you’re arched over, you watched how he was now wearing all black. like from before — it was the suit, the suit whenever he transformed into venom but toji was still there.

ruffled, black strands nearly blocked both of his eyes before he damply smacks his mushroomy tip against your weeping cunt.

“ngh- toji, don’t tease me-”

“patience, sweetheart-” he grumbles through gritted teeth, and your lips part into an even wider ‘o’ once he’s sliding the head of his cock back and forth against your puffed folds.

your thighs were eagerly trembling - direly waiting for him to just go inside.

toji’s cock was so ridiculously fat - each slap against your pussy with just his tip alone had you dizzy. the minuscule, sizzling buds in your mouth made the entirety of your tongue water as you were just babbling those same whimpers.

“dunno who’s louder.” he licks his lips, still tasting remnants of your cloyingly sweet juices on his tongue. as he’s still toying with you, you moaned once you heard that familiar welcoming squeeelch.

toji’s starting to ease his way inside - already creating a huge, gaping stretch with just his tip alone.

the sweet ‘o- oh shit’ that pours from your syrupy lips was mere music to his ears. tenderly, a hand wraps around your throat from behind, making you look at yourself through the mirror.

his shadow alone, you saw it - venom’s eerily presence, his silhouette shadowing behind toji, and he was even bigger. you gulped, feeling your tummy take a few resists and turns as he’s still trying to make his way inside.

“make her arch more.”

toji brings a hand toward your back, gently pressing down to make you sit upright. he’s just so big, and your brows were already compressing and curling all from his thick size.

he was barely even a few inches in and yet it felt like he was stuffing you to the brim. unsteady, wobbly arms remained pierced into the cushioned mattress as you could just feel toji’s cunning grin from behind you.

“fuck- so fuckin’ big, tojiii-”

“nice ‘n big just for you, wifey,” he purrs, and you’re whimpering once he rubs the frigid band of his wedding ring against your pussy again. the sloshes started to grow more wet after each barreling stretch, and you’re just gasping for air at this point. “c’mon big girl, let's make it fit like old times. gimme that pretty biiiig stretch- fuck.”

toji’s halfway in when he groans, feeling your heart-shaped insides instinctively clench around him. it’s almost cute, and he’s leaning against your ass to where his weight’s just hovering on top of you. the same hand that was holding onto your throat softens its grip, and he gives you a teasing kiss on the side of your mouth.

as your neck raised a little, you tried to wiggle your hips. fuck, you tried something, anything so he could just move.

toji lowly chortles at your cute agitation before gifting the right cheek of your ass with a rude spank.

“ohhh, what’s all this? want me to move, yeah?”

“pleaseplease-”

your words were a soft-spoken mumble, and toji’s just about all the way in now. after he’s bottomed out, his cock stiffens inside of you as you tried to writhe against his hips.

your dripping cunt was still as loud as ever, squelching with numerous pretty sloshing sounds. kissing near the back of your neck, toji whispers hoarsely, “heh- shame, y’er pussy’s speakin’ up for you, pretty mama. but i need ‘ta hear you,” and you moaned, eyes nearly rolling back at the sheer warmth of toji’s chiseled frame laid flat against your flesh. “please what?”

“f- fuuuck me, toji. please- just fuck me.”

within every swallowing inch—you felt toji’s thick, heavy cock trying to squeeze itself in. you’re whimpering, staring ahead with bleary, lust-like eyes as he’s taking you from behind.

he’s so obnoxiously big, but from the inside, he was even bigger.

his sharpened pelvis presents one thrust to you - just a single, vigorous thrust and you feel like you are gonna break.

fall over like you were just some fragile, porcelain doll on the verge of shattering into smithereens. all because of his damn hips. “ugh-” toji grumbles, a small hiss leaving his lips at the sticky contact your sharply slapping ass makes against his lower half.

“i wanna taste her more.”

“knock y’erself out, pal.” toji huffs at another one of venom’s whines, sucking his teeth at how your insides just clamped around him.

your half-open eyes were just wandering everywhere with white flickering through your sockets as your mouth remained agape. the crown of his cock reaches a deep, deep, deep area, and the thing that made you whine was feeling venom’s long tongue.

again.

it’s slick ‘n sticky, slithering out of his dropped jaw as the wet tip licks down the path of your arched spine. he feels you shiver, and toji groans as he’s still ruthlessly pounding you into the creeping mattress. your mind still couldn’t wrap around how abnormally loooong venom’s tongue was, it was so long that he could curl it around your waist if he wanted.

“good .. girl.”

you couldn’t hear him—but you felt his presence, his eerie presence behind you as toji’s heavy weight leans riiiight up against your ass.

your slick was dripping down his cock as he was sloppily sliding his way in and out, each papping sound of thighs causing your ears to ring like bells. fuzzed cotton stuffs your ears as you’re even starting to drool yourself, clawing at the sheets as toji’s fucking you senseless.

“hah- such a pretty girl, that’s it- fuck-” he groans, biting his tongue once he’s met with the sticky sensation of your cunt noisily slapping back against his sharpened pelvis.

hit after hit after hit - and you could just about taste every beat of your heart. his hips were mean, just slamming into you after each filth of a millisecond.

delicately - toji’s thumb caresses the middle part of your throat before he makes you meet his dirty gaze in the mirror. “look,” he huskily purrs, slowing his thrusts down purposely to match your delayed, drawn-out pants.

you shuddered underneath him—moaning once you felt the tip of venom’s tongue snake its way around your trembling thighs. though bleary, droopy eyes and a tongue fully lolled out of your spit-glittery lips, you glanced at yourself in the mirror.

the image of yourself being rammed from behind by toji in his jet-black ‘venom’ whatever you'd call it suit would now constantly be etched in your brain.

as toji’s behind you, his other hand brings your waist up for a better angle. you whined, feeling a bit of his chest hair softly tickle against your spine as he grinds against your ass. he’s thick inside, molding your clammy insides after every primal, eye-rolling thrust.

“there she is, heyy sweetheart,” and his voice drops. it’s a low, guttural low with the right amount of breath that makes you shamefully throb. leaning in, toji playfully licks the side of your cheek before whispering airily. “what happened to all that attitude earlier, hm?”

“ngh, fuck you-” you moaned, gasping once you felt venom’s tendril crawl its way between your legs. it’s so slimy, creating glossy trails of wetness against your already wet thighs before it wraps around one of your legs.

“no, fuck you.” toji grumbles, creating an invisible trail of kisses down your neck.

“make me c- cum then.” you tried to talk back but you’re instantly silenced by the feeling of toji’s heavy, fat cock dipping near your g-spot.

the ridges of his cock that’s got more of a lean curve were enough to have you collapse right there. he’s hitting you good from the inside, massaging through your clingy walls as the two of you both grunt in carnal unison. “oh! fuuuck- fuck, right there, hngh-”

toji brings a hand over your mouth—a palm that muffles your reoccurring whines ‘n whimpers before he hits that same spot again..

he treats your cute ‘lil g-spot like a target, his accuracy is precise every single time. your legs quavered as he felt you twitching - so so close that your orgasm was just like the edge of your strawberry-colored tongue.

“yeah, right - fuuuckin’, there?” and even toji’s voice was starting to tremble.

he’s just about there too - the more he’s whacking his achingly, swollen tip against your tender spot the more he’s feeling his base start to grow more and more full.

you’re whimpering, the syrupy taste of your saliva pouring past the cracks of your lips whilst gluing against his palm. venom’s ravened tendrils remained curled around your thighs too, a tight enough grip to where the hold wouldn't loosen so easily.

“there, toji- pleaaaase,” you’re damn near begging now, sweet pretty pleads of mercy sliding from your lips as the bed groans in the background. he’s deep, massaging your walls as your pussy relaxed squelch after sobbing squelch.

toji’s tip was a blushing, hot red - and each time he pistons his hips, he delves his way even further against your pretty g-spot.

stringently, it prods prods prods until it just can’t anymore and you’re left with your jaw goofily hung open, agape and all as you’re staring at the cross-eyed expression that’s mirrored right in front of you.

your reflection was practically mocking you it seemed, and once you came on his cock again, you let out the most harmonic squeal.

“mhn- there we go, sugar. sloooow, hah- nice ‘n slow, fuck-” his voice pitches hoarsely as he’s gripping both of your swerving hips. as your back’s still laid flat against the plump sheets of your mattress—toji flops right against you.

he’s just close - so so close that you felt the smooth, latex-like material of his suit grind against your skin.

his abs - so naturally sharped and carved, every single row of his chiseled pecs rubbed against your sweat-glossed back and you’re just whimpering out those same pretty babbles for more more more..

with a black quirked brow, toji grunts in your ear whilst venom’s tendrils mindlessly wrap around your waist.

tenderly, his scarred, callused lift your hips just a bit more to get a deeper angle - and fuck, that’s when toji’s just about at his inevitable peak too.

“hngh- cum . . cum insiiide-” you whined, sheeny pouty lips of yours curving into a disappointed frown once you hear and feel the wet, sloppy pop. heavy, ragged breaths collided down your spine as you felt toji’s rough chest lay flat against your back.

his shaft slipped out of you, and you couldn’t help the small ‘lil moan that pried its way from your raw chords. you’re clenching around nothing now, and you even tried to sneak a hand down between your legs.

with a soft whack - you pull your hand back, feeling the brief millisecond feeling of venom’s tendril giving your impatient hand a tiny spank.

“silly little woman.”

“our wife’s always been impatient,” toji snickers lowly, wrapping his palm around his veiny, thick cock. he takes two deep breaths before plap after plap, and he’s just smacking his mushroomy tip against your slobbering cunt.

again.

“toji, tojiiiii-” you’d moan at the occasional tender stings from each playful hit. his tip’s so perfectly round ‘n plump, just gifting your pretty pussy with various hits. “breed me, fuuuck- don’t miss, pleaseplease-”

in his head, he’s counting each sloppy slap of his creamy tip tapping against your folds. he could just hear the sheer neediness in your voice, and that’s when toji starts to align himself again.

you’re throbbing ridiculously - muttering out faint, inaudible whimpers of ‘please’ and ‘fuck’ ‘s as he’s sliding his ruby-red crownhead up and down the drooling slope of your pussy.

“mhm, needy ‘lil thing. can’t go a second without throbbing,” toji groans, watching as your right thigh starts to twitch. as his ripped abdomen presses further into yours, he brings a wet kiss toward your left shoulder blade. “ ‘s that what you really want, sweetheart? for me to finish ins- oh, fuck.”

with a sharp, three-second hiss - toji feels his hips shudder. it’s a warning, a warning that he was about to erupt and fuck, you felt every prominent vein on his ramming cock pulse through your core.

vehemently, his rhythm turns from sprightly to sloppy within seconds and he’s raising your leg slightly. “ ‘m cumming, sugar. better.. hah- pussy better swallow it all like a good girl, ugh-”

with your squished chin resting on top of your arm, you stared at the lewd reflected image of yourself and toji through the mirror that hung across the two of you.

like a madman - he’s drilling into your very being with venom’s dark silhouette hovering over you both.

he’s reaching such deep, tender areas and you’re whimpering after each slapping thrust.

“toji- uuuh- toji, mgh-” you’d whimper, his hits against your ass with his pelvis being so vicious that you could almost taste it.

it’s so powerful - each direct hit that he flawlessly slams into with his cock has your cute, dilated pupils spiraling into permanent cartoony circles. with the help of venom, toji ends up stretching his dick just a few more inches inside of you, and your mouth drops.

his tip swirls its way around your gripping pussy before it’s finally coming to its risqué end.

you’re laid flat on your mattress as nothing but a tiny, inaudible gasp-like ‘fuck’ drags its way from your lips. toji’s cock that stretch stretch stretched just a little bit more ended up gifting the lower part of your tummy with a protruding bump.

he finishes in the rawest, lecherous manner, flooding every corner ‘n crevice of your gripping walls with syrupy, white cum. your thighs that glued together perfectly were greeted with a few welcoming dewdrops of toji’s slick mess. rough, callused fingertips ran ahold of your waist and you could feel him writhing behind you.

hooded, olive eyes zero down your body, and the natural sheet of sweat that decorated a path down your arched back.

god.

“heh- that’s my gi-”

“we aren’t finished,” you uttered, grabbing toji’s bulky shoulders and lightly shoving him on his back. with a surprised yet amused ‘uuf’ he lands as his half-opened eyes stare at the dripping, creamy mess streaming from between your legs. “lie back.”

venom, being toji’s conscious once more, snickers at your audacity as he watches the scene of you straddling his host.

“tojo buddy, if you won’t re-marry her, i will.”

“dude, i told you, it’s toji, and shut the hell u- fuuuck.”

♡ ♡ ♡

position after position after position and you gave toji an absolute run for his money. he didn’t expect at all for you to have as much stamina competing with him and venom combined. you even lost count of how many mind-boggling, eye-rolling, tear-jerking orgasms you’ve got snatched out of you. it’s probably been hours, and you and toji were merely both at your inevitable limits.

he’s stuffed you full with sooo many seconds and thirds and fourths and even fifths of sweltering cum that you felt like you were about to burst.

toji’s entirely milked out - or at least, he thinks he is, and now, you’re straddling him.

you’re straddling him, but from behind.

with lazy, droopy eyes, toji slides the tip of his tongue across the seam of his scarred lips as he watches you move. “mhm, gonna go reverse on me, yeah pretty girl?” he huffs, already feeling the slickly torrid mess stick against his thighs.

you’re reaaaal slow - a torturous type of slow that nearly does toji’s head in. he’s peering at your ass moving, but you’re not bouncing.

you’re not bouncing because he and you both knew that not only were you close again but he was too.

toji’s entire body felt hot, preparing lava. the humid, scorching temperature sizzles and arises after each bestial-like slam of your hips and he grunts. “god, y’er a… hah- little brat, arentcha.”

“aw, do you need a break, toji?”

“yes he does-” venom tried to chime in.

“no- no, i don’t,” toji breathes gruffly, beads and beads of sweat tearing down each side of his face. his hair’s all ruffled and unkempt, black strands nearly blocking his vision as his thick neck tosses itself back. “atta girl, ride it then. ride it like it’s fuckin’ yours, baby.”

slap one - and you moaned, hearing and feeling toji’s harsh palm swat against your right left ass cheek.

slap two - and you gasped, his hand smacking against the right.

and the third and final slap - it’s from venom, and one of his tendrils that sloppily slides from between your thighs noisily slaps against your already full, cum-dripping pussy.

toji’s jaw significantly tightens as he just watches in awe, silently gawking at the familiar sight he’s always loved seeing — his pretty ‘lil wife straddling him, he’s missed it, he’s missed you.

“fuck-” you held in a whine by giving the flat of your tongue a soft nibbles.

his cock from all girthy sides was just so fat, and the curve that stretches through your core every time you spring back down against his lap drives you both up the first street of insanity.

this reversing angle—it’s so intimate, and it’s always been one of toji’s weaknesses.

as you’re winding your hips ‘round in a hypnotic, perfect figure eight, venom’s just nagging all in toji’s ear.

the symbiote’s bored, and by the second he’s only getting more and more aroused. with a low grumble, toji told him to just wait then he’d get his turn. hopefully.

you almost did forget about the whole ‘parasite’ thing, but who were you to complain, let alone ask questions?

your legs sprawled nice and wide, and you’re nearly squatting as your cunt continued to swallow every inch of his cock. it’s so wide too, deeply prodding inside ‘till it reaches that pretty cervix of yours.

the curly, black hairs that stuck beneath toji’s slick-covered shaft tickled you, and you’re just panting continuously like a greyhound.

“sugar, fuck- bring those hips back to me like that, mhm. right there, right fuckin’ there . . please-”

please.

oh, he’s begging.

as you maintained a secure grip on his shaky knees with your hands, you heard the wanton tremor in toji’s voice.

by now, he’s reclined allll the way back against your plush pillows with his legs feeling like complete mush. fuck, you’ve probably rode him to death, because he could barely hold onto your hips anymore.

“toji… hah- cum with me, baby-” you mumbled, feeling his clammy fingertips slither down the sides of your waist.

like a wooden chair—you’re just rocking and rocking, not even minding the constant grunts and bellowing groans of your outdated boxspring that sits beneath your mattress.

it’s just so slick - your pussy, it’s sliding up ‘n down toji’s cock and he heard every clamoring, wet splat. he’s just almost mesmerized at how well you knew how to take him every time. his mouth’s as dry as it’s ever been, and you’re starting to feel that oh-so-familiar fluttering pool of butterflies stir in the lower pits of your tummy.

“heh, you called me baby-”

“shut up.”

“make m- ngh-”

blinking thrice, toji grunts once he feels your hand wrap around his neck. you’re still facing forward—riding him in reverse with your arm extended from behind you.

his neck was just so thick that you could barely bring all five fingers to squeeze his neck. “cute-” toji slyly titters, but his brattiness fatally comes to an end once he’s starting to feel his dick twitch.

his body - it’s rumbling, and your cunt’s pulsing increases after each slapping thrust. the stimulation always knew how to make your head spin, and for a second, it just felt like time indefinitely paused.

torrid, cloud breaths draw away straight from toji’s puffed-out chest and he groans. he’s riiight there, he’s right there and he could feel his creamy tip that’s messily poking around your insides trying to cling around your warmth.

as you’re just vigorously slapping your ass against his lap now, he’s left speechless.

“o- oh, oh sugar- your fuckin’ hips, yeahyeaaah-” and he’s whimpering now, long black lashes sticking together with what appears to be tears.

toji’s holding onto your rotating waist tightly, breathing through his nose as he hears each popping slosh of your cunt preparing to wring him dry for the nth time.

“toji, something’s about to-” you’d blurt, pausing mid-sentence, keeping both hands on his knees. toji’s tearing up at the sloppy, vicious strings of cum that threatens to depart from both pairs of slapping thighs that slap louder after each violent pound.

his dick’s all red ‘n swollen, from top to bottom as it’s covered with veins that paint the shriveling sides. your legs were about to give out at any second and so was his.

toji’s tip which was oh-so round ends up massaging your tightening walls perfectly, smothering your sensitive g-spot with a plethora of sweet french kisses.

“ah-” you squeal, your eyes widening as you’re coming to your end again. your throat - it feels so hot, so parched and you’re just gradually being led to your release. the adequate force of your brutal, tossing hips makes toji’s leafy irises reel further back.

glittery, wet lashes stick together piercing both pads of thumbprints into your ridden flesh — and oh, he’s cumming for what’s probably the umpteenth time now.

you both succumb to pleasure and you’re each hit with rippling waves and waves of swelling pleasure. finally, your legs end up collapsing and your jaw’s left goofily hanging.

you end up gushing, clenching internally as your labored breaths get tangled in your full lungs. it’s so wet, and as toji’s cock remained buried idly past the taut ring of your entrance, he’s pouring yet another milky wad of cum inside of you. it’s thick and smooth like honey, stickily melting inside of you like butter.

“mhm, f.. fuck-” you kissed your teeth, hearing toji’s heavy, defeated breaths exhale from behind you.

the air in the room felt so intoxicating - cloudy. as you sat still on his lap with his leaking cock still lodged inside of you, that same aroma of pure filth and intimacy smacks your nostrils right in the face.

its citrusy with a hint of sweetness, and your thighs couldn’t help but shudder above his.

“good girl, heh- think ya cured me just f- fine.” toji hoarsely murmurs, taking every few seconds to breathe.

two rough hands gingerly raise your hips, widely peering at the frothy, white ring that coats around his tan base. pearly, clear slick of your own mess stuck against your thighs as you let off muffled moans.

everything felt so tender - and in every millisecond that passed, you felt all ropes of toji’s cum plug you to the very fullest. “c’mere, girl-” he groggily murmured, and you gasped, feeling one of venom’s tendrils wrap around your waist.

with a swift movement — you’re pulled closer, breaking the distance between the two of you. toji smashes his scarred lips against yours, slipping off occasional husky whimpers in your mouth as he felt your fingers wrap around his flaccid cock. his whines pitch higher, and your thumb runs down a prodding vein that twitches from your touch.

it’s an intense, breath-snatching kiss that leaves you both gasping for air after each smack of departure from lips. as you moaned in his mouth, you could still taste remnants of your treacly arousal on his tongue.

“i love-” he whispers between kisses, and you slide out a whine once you feel venom’s tendrils swirl around your waist.

heartbeats pulsed rapidly, matching tempos of each other as your tongue disappeared inside toji’s mouth.he grunts, bringing his crimson kiss-bitten lips toward the crack of your jaw as your mouth remains agape.

“-you. s ‘much, f- fuck, you sure know how to milk me, sugar. reminds me of our . . hah- honeymoon.”

“just . . stop talking,” you roll your eyes—still feeling the after-effects of your body’s sensitive convulsions. you still felt so stuffed, still feeling the gooey remnants of cum trickle out of your dewy pussy. as toji’s eyes remained hooded and drooped, he flashes you that same smug grin. “i still- love you too-”

“there’s my girl,” toji huskily whispers against your lips, circling a thumb over the line that curves above the top of your mouth. you moaned, watching as he brought your hand up to his before kissing it -

repeatedly, before he brought your empty ring finger up toward his lips and kissed it. “mwah,” and you felt your pulse pick up before feeling toji’s broad arms pick you up. “up and at ‘em, wifey.”

but once you’re positioned to lay flat on your back, that’s when venom switches with toji again. you’re met with the same overly tall, massive ‘parasite’ with a dozen rows of whetted, white teeth.

venom slowly opens his jaw — showcasing his long, dripping pink tongue that dampens even more once he sees your filled pussy twitching solely at the sound of his venomous, deep voice.

all over his body, he’s covered with veins, and as your eyes trail ‘n trail way down, you land at his abs and stop just below his waistline.

your eyes widened as you felt hands softly grab your hips, and he brought one of his tendrils to make you face the other way.

a sultry-sounding moan escapes out of your raw throat as your face plants against your pillow.

“mmgh-” and you let off a surprised breathy gasp, feeling not one but a pair of two rockhard things slapping against the entrance of your bare cunt.

“toji- ngh, venom- i… is that-”

“now bend for me, sweet thing. my turn.”

[heavy-hiruko]

Hiruko did have an idea how hungry she was.

Just LOOKING at the girl explained that much. A sorry state from sickness, stress and a lack of eating all on top of that. Truly, Hiruko could guess how hungry Tsubasa was. It was why she had kept a stock of these protein bars in her room. She had planned on leaving one on the bedside this morning before she would head to the cafeteria but it seemed that plan was not needed.

Exposed to the ravenous side Tsubasa, Hiruko watched her calmly behind her glasses. It was... something to be hold, that much was certain. It was as if she had fed some starved beast. Not that Tsubasa was a beast or anything though as previously mentioned, her current state of being may do more to align her with that sort of category as normal. As Hiruko had made clear in her opening remark, she was in a sorry state.

But the food would help. Least for the moment. Those bars were quite something. Mayhaps not a proper meal replacement, not to Hiruko's refined palette but knowing the other's fondness for fast food, it might just be enough to be semi-enjoyable beyond something the body craved. It was quick and easy and might actually be a benefit for Tsubasa. Again, that was why she had selected it.

Still... as Tsubasa's gorging ebbed away and she stood before her, rubbing her belly in a clear effort to calm her nervous and resolve herself, it was... cute. Hiruko found it cute. Despite everything, she could not deny the cuteness of Tsubasa in that moment. Though, that information would remain firmly locked in the back of her mind, her sharp glare-style of looking at Tsubasa remaining as it was.

Even as she stood there, near hyperventilate to settle her nerves and steel her resolve, it was... cute. Hiruko thought to invite the other into her room to chat privately. The morning alarm had yet to ring so the others had yet to formally awaken or have any urge to head elsewhere. It gave them, in this moment, the privacy of a quiet and tranquil morning.

Instead of voicing anything, Hiruko let Tsubasa speak her piece. She had made the effort to come here. By her own measures of strength, she owed it to the mechanic to let her speak. Her apologies were good to hear. Steely as Hiruko was, it was not that she had no emotions. She was still human, she still grieved, she still hurt, she still felt things. Often she buried them, often she held them back or placed them behind walls.

How could she be open after so long? Maybe this time, it'd be different.

"...."

She exhaled, eyes shifting off the woman as they closed. They opened once she inhaled.

"I don't hate you, Tsubasa. I have never lied to you either."

That meant any harsh comment given about her prior pacifistic tendency and struggles around conflict had been an expression of her thoughts. Even the tool comments. However, it also meant that out of a sense of honesty, trust or even respect, Hiruko had always been truthful. That meant her kind words of the morning in which had caused all this, were earnest too.

But beyond that, Hiruko had never hated Tsubasa. Disliked? Perhaps once. Annoyed at? Of course. But hated? Loathed? Never.

"While I do not think it is needed that you apologize to me.... I can see the resolve in doing so.... I forgive you. You don't need to avoid me."

Most would need some form of action to earn her forgiveness. Though, frankly, she didn't seem to want that from Tsubasa. Hiruko considered she might just feel some sense of responsibility for causing all this. Nonetheless, she was certain Tsubasa wouldn't move on from all this unless Hiruko expressly forgave her.

So, that considered, she genuinely forgave her.

And move forward. Day by day, moment by moment.

This time, things could be different....

Invite Tsubasa Inside?

[Yes.]

No.

....

It's your future!

"What matters, and this may surprise you, is that you are feeling better. Would you like to come inside? I can make some herbal and ginseng tea. It might help take off that groggy sensation. And after all that, you could do with a sit down too."

“H-huh?! T-t-thanks, Hiruko! Ohmygoshyouhavenoideahowhungryiam-”

Without so much as another word, Tsubasa swiped the cinder block of calories from Hiruko’s grasp, unwrapped the packaging and rapaciously tore into it like she’d been starved for weeks in the Courtyard’s power neutralizing cages.

An olive branch which she accepted joyfully~

“OMPHHOMPHCHOMPHORKNOM-”

Befitting of her bedraggled, tousled appearance, the chewy, chocolatey, cake-like brick was devoured in a matter of seconds. Every chomp and chew was followed by slurps and mewls of ecstasy. The panged emptiness of her rumbling stomach soon shifted to semi-content gurgles. It wasn’t much, but it was sufficient in fueling her body with much needed calories.

“UuUuuUUUOOooUUURRP… Phew, that’s better.”

Tsubasa tenderly rubbed a hand against her stomach, the taste of chocolate and protein-packed grains lingering on her tongue. Food always felt heaven sent when one has not eaten in quite some time. Thankfully, her sickness hadn’t affected her tastebuds.

She quickly snapped out of her food-induced jubilation and locked eyes with the dark-haired woman’s crimson jewels. The hand that lay on her paunch moved towards her arm, sheepishly running up and down the pudgy extremity to steel her nerves.

Silence, a familiar occurrence between these two at this juncture, overcame the surroundings. No crackling of undying flames, no whistling of wind streaking through their gleaming manes, and especially none of Gaku’s, Takemaru’s, and at times Moko’s boisterous outbursts.

It was just Hiruko and Tsubasa.

Inhaling deeply, allowing the fresh oxygen to circulate around her being and exhaling for several seconds on end, the blonde spoke.

“Hiruko… I’m… I’m… I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for not trusting in your words. I’m sorry for not respecting your wishes and heeding your advice to heart. You were looking out for me, you praised me for my abilities and I spat acid in your face because of it. I-I thought you only saw me as a tool in your toolbox, a piece of machinery that could break down at any time and outlive its usefulness. I was afraid of you and I think a part of me still is to some extent… b-but…”

Tsubasa’s voice broke, choking back the flurry of guilt, frustration, and remorse welling up within her aching heart. She struggled to even continue, her knees beginning to buckle and wobble like gelatinous columns.

But she found resolve, steadying herself just enough to speak her peace. Even as salty tears began to streak down her cheeks.

“You… helped carry me back to my room. You looked after me even though I was so unjustly cruel to you. You did all of that and I wasn’t lucid enough to give the bare minimum of thanks… Thank you, Hiruko. Thank you so much.”

“…I-I completely understand if you hate me now. I’ll do my best to avoid you except during attacks and war room or group meetings. Just know. I’m deeply sorry and thank you for helping me when I couldn’t be bothered to help myself one bit.”