#or maybe i like that song and therefore i have to make it fit my favorite monkey

[barzfrommarz]

character playlists are so fun when you don’t have a bitch breathing down your neck yelling at you that the songs you chose is wrong and you actually have 0 understanding of said character or the media it’s from and you deserve to be exiled because you put one mother mother song on the playlist

[wooahaes]

a spark of realization

pairing: non-idol!hoshi x gn!reader

prompt: soulmate au series. 13/13

word count: 5.0k~

warnings: some food mentions. some angst. coworkers au. platonic love between soonyoung and his friends <3 some alcohol mentions (all regarding soonyoung drinking, no real mentions of reader actually drinking). mentions of static shocks throughout.

daisy’s notes: soonyoung looks at all of his friends and goes 'i love u all so much' and im like god same me when i look at my friends

summary: Unlike Jihoon and every other friend that swore they didn’t have one, Soonyoung knows he doesn’t have a soulmate. He’s tried plenty of the subtle soulmate things. He doesn’t feel anyone’s pain or emotions, he doesn’t taste anything weird, and he’s dyed his hair enough times to know that he most likely doesn’t have someone out there. Yet the static that makes his hair stand on end sometimes just causes him to think that maybe there’s something else to expect…

Kwon Soonyoung was positive about one thing in his life: he did not have a soulmate. Never showed any signs when he was ten onward, and he never would. Sure, it hurt to hear when he was ten—he was ten and stuck into this category of “without” regardless of how he felt about having a soulmate, that was sure to make anyone upset—but he’d figured things out for himself while growing up. Some people hated their soulmates. Other people loved them, sure, like… every single one of his friends now, but that was beside the point. Soonyoung had decided several things for himself. 

One: he didn’t need a soulmate to be happy and fulfilled. Plenty of people didn’t end up with their soulmates. Plenty of people didn’t have a romantic relationship with their soulmates, but stayed in touch. Some people didn’t even want their soulmates at all, either. Therefore: no one needed a soulmate to be a complete person. He was just fine on his own. (This was something his parents taught him from an early age.)

Two: Soonyoung did have soulmates, actually. Twelve of them. His twelve closest friends were his soulmates, platonically, and they’d all chosen each other in life. But if he had to pick one, then it was easily Jihoon. The two had known each other the longest now, and Soonyoung had told him one night that if neither of them had soulmates, then they were platonic soulmates. And even after Jihoon found his soulmate, Soonyoung still believed in it. The two of them just fit together in a way that was right.

“Really?” Jihoon had been half-asleep on the couch that night, tired from both work work and music work. He and Joshua had to re-record the song they’d been working on… again. Soonyoung could admire how dedicated Jihoon was to having a perfect product, though. “That’s sappy.”

Soonyoung had giggled, admittedly very much not sober. “No, no, I mean it! We’re soulmates, I think.” Another burst of giggles as he reached toward Jihoon’s hand. “I know you have one now, but…” 

Jihoon gently patted his cheek. “No, you’re right. We’re soulmates, too.” He shut his eyes, about to nod off again. “Soonyoung…” He yawned, turning onto his side. His dark eyes found Soonyoung’s a moment later, only barely open. “I don’t want to give you false hope, but… Have you ever looked into it?”

Soonyoung leaned against him. Of course he had. Hadn’t most people who did, deep down, want a soulmate? Well, maybe except Vernon. Vernon did his own thing most of the time. “I don’t wanna.”

“You don’t have to,” Jihoon said, understanding as always. “But…”

“Hm?”

“It’s hard to live in a world where I would have one and you wouldn’t.” Jihoon’s voice was heavy with sleep, and his eyelids fluttered shut again a moment later. “That’s all.”

“Why not?” Soonyoung stifled a yawn. “You’re cool. You make music. Plenty of people would love that. You can write your soulmate love songs now.” 

It earned a quiet chuckle from Jihoon. “Just…” He trailed off. “I was okay with not having one because love is… different. Like what Wonwoo says about it. It’s a choice and something you make. But you…” 

Soonyoung blinked curiously at him. He…? 

“Anyone would love you,” he mumbled, clearly beginning to doze off now. “I just don’t understand how it could be me and not you.”

Soonyoung had decided to love Jihoon extra from that point on. Jihoon’s soulmate did the same, and everyone else truly adored Jihoon, but Soonyoung understood. Jihoon never saw himself as the leading man in any situation. He wasn’t sure if that extended to believing he wasn’t anyone’s first choice (he was always Soonyoung’s, if that meant anything), but Soonyoung didn’t need to know. He just knew that he would always hype up Jihoon as much as he could. Everyone did, to be fair, but Soonyoung was happy to be a louder voice among the crowd. He would always be there to stream his songs when they were released and share them on every account he had, even if that sometimes required Seungcheol or Wonwoo helping him not break the link in the process.

But he’d never let go of that thought. How could it be me and not you? As if Jihoon deserved a soulmate less than Soonyoung did. Soonyoung had his moments of yearning, the same way that Seokmin often did, but he wouldn’t trade places with any of his friends. Their soulmates meant something to them. Soonyoung had seen the way Seungkwan doted on his soulmate day in and day out, and he’d quietly apologized to him once for the times he’d made inappropriate jokes. 

“What, those?” Seungkwan hadn’t seemed bothered in the slightest. “You were trying to make light of things so I wouldn’t worry.” He crossed his arms. “They hurt in those moments, but I can’t blame you for trying.”

How did Soonyoung get so lucky? Was this what the universe granted him in exchange for lacking a soulmate…? He wasn’t sure, but he wouldn’t trade any of his friends for a soulmate. He’d happily make do with the twelve he’d forged any day.

Okay, so maybe Soonyoung was getting in his head a little. Seokmin had just spent a  little over two weeks in a time loop because, surprise, he also had a soulmate. Which sent Soonyoung down a small spiral. According to some study out there that still needed more information to be more valid or whatever, a good portion of people who were told they didn’t have soulmates when they were ten were people who didn’t have obvious signs. Time loops, hair colors matching, lost items, sparks flying, colored footprints leading to the other person… All things that people simply wouldn’t have seen at age ten. 

So maybe Soonyoung started to dye his hair after Jihoon found his soulmate. It wasn’t abnormal, Soonyoung did like to play with his hair. It’d been a while since he’d gone bleach blonde. And maybe his soulmate didn’t care and that was why he stayed bleach blonde until his roots started to show. And maybe his soulmate didn’t care that their hair was cherry red not long after that…

And, maybe, Soonyoung was acutely aware of the date after Seokmin broke his loop. Each day followed one another as they always did, but Soonyoung swore a Tuesday felt just like a Monday once. 

And maybe, just maybe, Soonyoung lost a bracelet with his name on it. Joshua made him another one, no question, but he hadn’t found anything that didn’t belong to him (or Jihoon) in his living space. Everything was in its proper spot, just as it was supposed to be. Nothing new. 

No footprints stood out to him, and he hadn’t bumped into anyone lately that made him feel those mystical sparks that Jun once told him about. 

Kwon Soonyoung did not need a soulmate to be happy… So why did he want one so badly?

“I don’t need one,” was what he blubbered to Seungcheol one night, a week after Seokmin broke his time loop. “I don’t. I shouldn’t act like I need one to be happy because I am happy. I’ve been happy before, so—”

“It’s okay.” Seungcheol had held him as he cried. “Soonyoung, it’s normal for people to want them just as much as it’s normal for people to not. If you want a soulmate, it’s okay.” 

How was he supposed to say that now it was starting to hurt? That all twelve of the soulmates he chose in life had their own soulmates, even the ones who were convinced they didn’t? 

“Work is still bad,” Soonyoung said suddenly, still crying into Seungcheol’s shoulder. The words just seemed to dribble from his mouth now, no true thoughts behind them. “Two of the new hires took off because they found out they were soulmates and—and they wanted to get busy living life while they could. And now all of us are staying every night because we have to make up their work, and—”

He just kept babbling, sobbing as everything seemed to spill out of him. Seungcheol just held him, rubbing circles into his back to soothe him. Soon enough, all the words had dried up, and Soonyoung was just left, breathing quietly as he came back down. His head felt foggier than before. Lighter, though. 

“You’ll be okay,” Seungcheol promised him when Soonyoung finally moved away to wipe his face. “I’ll buy you dinner when you work next, okay?”

“I feel guilty,” Soonyoung said a moment later. With less thoughts to weigh him down, his feelings seemed to become more obvious. 

Seungcheol had chuckled. “You shouldn’t. I’m offering—”

“Not that.” Soonyoung let out a long sigh, tugging his sleeves down over his hands for a moment. When did he start feeling so cold? “I… I love all of you. You’re all some of my best friends. I meant it when I said I consider you all soulmates. I feel like I should be happy that we all met in this life, but…”

“We can’t fill that void,” Seungcheol said. He turned to face Soonyoung fully, arm draped over the back of the couch. “Soonyoung. I love you, but you aren’t my soulmate. There’s things I want to do with them now that I know them that I wouldn’t want to do with anyone else. I can’t call it love because I haven’t known them long enough, but… You do understand, right?”

Of course he understood. Soonyoung had dated before, after all. “I know, but—”

“None of us want you to feel left out,” he said. “If you want to date, then you should try dating again when things have calmed down.” He paused, “Or now, but I think the stress from work is getting to you too much.” Again, Seungcheol paused, mulling over his thoughts as though he needed to get them right the first time he spoke them aloud. “Soonyoung. Do you remember what you told all of us when you said we were your soulmates?”

Soonyoung had been… a little drunk that night. Most of them were. But Soonyoung had seen the videos that were taken by his friends of his drunken rambling, and he’d said a lot. “Which part?”

“The universe picked soulmates for a lot of us,” Seungcheol said, “but we still have to choose them. And you decided you would choose us.”

It was the easiest decision Soonyoung had ever made, and one that admittedly made him and a few others cry. He’d been right, though, hadn’t he? A soulmate was a person that the universe felt was perfect for you, but plenty of soulmates didn’t last. It was almost always the people who believed that just being soulmates was enough to have a lasting relationship. Soonyoung had seen people who finally reached their breaking point and ended things, always crying later because that was their soulmate. Almost always, their stories were similar to the others: they weren’t trying. It was supposed to come naturally to them. But a soulmate wasn’t a guarantee for love. All relationships, platonic or romantic or familial, needed work put into them. That was why Soonyoung knew that a soulmate represented a choice. One that the universe made for a person, but a choice that a person had to keep choosing if they wanted to make things work. That was how love worked, after all. Soonyoung had been in love before, and he had chosen that person until they couldn’t choose each other anymore. 

And he knew that it went the same for those with soulmates. Seungkwan had been with his soulmate for over a year now, and plenty of people could count the petty disagreements the two had had. They always came back together after they cooled off, talking things out like adults (sometimes with a little intervention from Chan or Vernon, but those moments were rare). Minghao and his soulmate had an actual argument not too long ago, but they’d bounced back and been stronger than before for it. Even Jeonghan, who had loved his soulmate almost his entire life, had an unfortunate spat that lasted a few days before he reached out to them and asked to reconcile. Love was a choice as much as it was a feeling. It was what brought them all back together again. A soulmate wasn’t the end-all be-all of love, but Soonyoung had realized why they all fit so well together. They all shared some sort of experience in some way, whether it be a string to connect them or losing objects. It was something to bond over, to open up the doors to choosing one another once that decision was clear. 

“Someone is going to choose you some day,” Seungcheol said, completely serious. “And they’ll be lucky if you choose them, too.” 

Soonyoung wiped at his eyes with his sleeve again, the fabric scratchy against his skin. Minghao would be chastising him now for it, pulling tissues out of his pocket or his bag depending on where he’d decided to keep them that day. That, too, was Minghao choosing to love his friend. “I love you,” he said softly. Thank you for choosing to be in my life. He wasn’t sure where he’d be without him.

Seungcheol chuckled, warm as ever. “I love you, too,” he said back, always as though it were the easiest thing in the world. Maybe, for Seungcheol, it was. 

A week later, work was a little kinder to him. His coworkers gossiped about some new hires coming into the company, and Soonyoung, truly, couldn’t care less. As long as they did their jobs and didn’t run off immediately to see the world or whatever those two were doing, he was happy. He’d given a polite nod to the new hires as they were introduced, and ignored the way the hairs on the back of his hand were standing on end. He’d charged himself with too much static upon coming in, dragging his feet as he tried to subtly push his sock back up after it had rolled down. He’d managed to discharge the static eventually, although the slight zap from the metal he touched had made him hiss in pain. It felt like a little too much, but what did he know? He had other things to worry about, like the backlog of work that still stood out to him. It’d take a few days for things to calm down for good. And, sure, the polite thing to do would be to get drinks with his coworkers… But no one was inviting anyone anywhere. Not when there was too much work during the day and everyone was exhausted by the time they all clocked out. 

“So? What do you think?” One of his coworkers had whispered to another after the new hires (a pair of people around Soonyoung’s age) had left ahead of them, having packed up quickly to catch their buses home.

Soonyoung packed up a little slower. Maybe it was wrong to listen in, but…

“Hm…” The woman hummed to herself for a moment, shifting her weight from leg to leg. “I’m not sure yet. Sungyoon seems to work hard, but the other person…” She frowned, crossing her arms as she grew still. “They’re very quiet. Like…” 

Soonyoung knew that she had just glanced at him. He’d always been the quiet one at work, the polite one who worked hard. That’s what you were like, from what he understood, too. You came in, you put yourself to work, and then politely excused yourself when you needed to run to get to your bus. Sungyoon had gone with you, not keeping it secret from anyone that the two of you were at least friends. Speaking of…

“Do you think they’re dating?” She whispered to the other. 

Soonyoung hoped you weren’t. You were… actually kinda cute? Plus he admired your work ethic a lot, even on your first day. Maybe when things calmed down, he could ask you out to coffee or something. 

“I didn’t see any marks,” the other man said, not bothering to lower his voice any further. “They could be soulmates. They clearly have a history…”

Soonyoung packed his bag and took off. He’d had enough of this. The journey home was uneventful, but Jihoon had picked up on how disgruntled Soonyoung was from the moment he walked in the door. Halfway through his vent session, Jihoon had looked at him.

“Why are you jealous? You just met them.” 

Jealous? Soonyoung was not jealous of anyone. He choked on his own words, unsure of what he could say that was actually convincing. If he denied it, then Jihoon would only believe that he was bullshitting him to try and save face. Yes, you were cute in Soonyoung’s eyes, but he’d only just met you! He’d be a weirdo if he was jealous this quickly! And you wouldn’t want anything to do with him if he was weird. 

“I’m not jealous,” Soonyoung said once he was sure he could say it casually. “I just find it weird that my coworkers care so much. They’re doing a good job.” He paused for a second, “both of them are! Sungyoon is very nice.”

Jihoon was not convinced. Nothing could convince him now, then. “Mhm.” He shrugged. “Nothing wrong with being a little jealous if they’re clearly close. Just don’t let it bother you.”

“I’m not!” Soonyoung felt his face heating up. He wasn’t. He wasn’t bothered in the slightest. It was more-so his coworkers being weird about it. It was weird to speculate, wasn’t it? If you had a soulmate, then good for you. If you didn’t, then… 

Then maybe Soonyoung had a shot.

“A soulmate?” You had looked up, the same man who’d speculated about you and Sungyoon being soulmates having shoved his nose into your business. You blinked, unsure of where this topic had even come from. “No, I don’t have one. I don’t think I do, at least. Is this a part of company business? I told H.R. after I was hired that I don’t have any signs that would prevent me from working, but I didn’t know everyone needed to know this.”

Soonyoung smiled to himself. Yeah, you tell him. It was your business anyway. 

“But what about you and Sungyoon—”

“College friends.” You smiled politely. “We live close to one another, too. I’m not seeing anyone now. Is that all?”

Sungyoon sat at his desk, watching you with this amused twinkle in his eyes. Sungyoon had the same kind of admiration for you that Soonyoung had for his friends, he was positive. He watched the way his coworker slinked off after a moment, apologizing for prying into your personal life as you returned to work. Soonyoung reached down to pull something from a desk drawer, only to feel a familiar zap the moment he did. He’d winced in pain, but it did nothing to dampen his mood. When Soonyoung relayed later the information to his friends at dinner that night, Wonwoo had watched him the entire time, all too aware of how thrilled Soonyoung seemed to be about the whole ordeal.

“Why do you seem so happy?”

Was he happy? He was, kind of. Without being disrespectful, you’d rebuffed the guy and kept most of your privacy in doing so. There were no long drawn out college stories about some adventure you and Sungyoon had while in college, no emotional moments of spilling about how you resented the fact you didn’t have a soulmate. Hell, Soonyoung had no idea how you felt about it. Were you indifferent like him? Did you have a similar situation to him, too, where you had chosen your own soulmates out of your friends?

“They were being disrespected,” Soonyoung had settled on saying. “I’m glad they handled the situation well—”

“He likes them and wants to ask them out,” Jihoon said after taking a sip of his water. “So he’s glad they’re single.”

Soonyoung shoved Jihoon slightly. “That’s not it at all!”

Jun chuckled from his seat, watching the exchange. “There’s nothing wrong with liking them, you know.” 

“There isn’t, but I don’t like them like that. I barely know them. We’ve barely even talked.” Soonyoung rolled his eyes. “How can I like someone I don’t know yet?”

Wonwoo shrugged. “I liked my soulmate before I really knew them. They seemed interesting.” 

“That’s different!” 

“Is it?” Jun shrugged. “I haven’t known my soulmate for long, but I still liked them before we started talking. They seemed nice. You can have a good opinion of someone without knowing them intimately—”

“That’s not the point,” Soonyoung said. “You’re all trying to turn this into something it’s not. I just… I dunno. When I see them, I want to know them more. It’s like they just keep pulling my attention toward them.” He paused, chopsticks in hand as he looked up. “They keep looking at me, actually. It’s kinda funny. I think they might be into me, actually.”

Suddenly, all three of his friends exchanged a look. Soonyoung furrowed his brows. “What?”

And none of them would tell him their thoughts. When he pushed further later as they were leaving the restaurant, Jihoon just waved him off. 

“You’ll figure it out.” 

“Shit!”

Soonyoung looked up at the sound of your voice, soft enough that it didn’t catch everyone’s attention. Sungyoon withheld a chuckle as you glared at him a moment later, and Soonyoung couldn’t help but keep his eyes on the pair of you. You’d wrung out your hand, reaching for your desk drawer as you started to search through it for a highlighter. Soonyoung liked the fact that you always highlighted things in pretty colors—bright green so far, but he overheard you telling another coworker, Seungmin, that you liked to switch out colors every so often. It kept things fresh, and Soonyoung found that cute. Almost as cute as the novelty erasers that you kept on your desk to decorate it, never using them since you always used pens (save for the pencil you kept exclusively for the sticky notes you attached to your computer monitor). 

“It’s not funny,” you had hissed back at him. “This place has a bad static problem… Is the air dry to you? I think dry air makes static build-up likelier.”

“It’s just you.” Sungyoon watched you curiously, glancing over to see that Soonyoung had started watching, too. 

Soonyoung watched the way he slowly reached for a pad of sticky notes, jotting something out. Then he reached forward, attaching it to the top of your monitor. You swatted his hand away, eyes flickering over to see Soonyoung just as he turned his attention back to his own work. Yet the moment he was sure you were looking away, Soonyoung glanced over to see you pulling the sticky note off the monitor. How had he avoided you this long…? Something about getting too close to you made his chest all fluttery. Had he really started crushing on you so easily? Then again, you kinda did make it easy. You were cute in your own ways, and it made it hard to focus most days. Now all he could think about was what Sungyoon had written to you. 

He’d stretched himself over Vernon’s couch that night, playing with a little feather toy that his soulmate’s cat (Nutmeg, apparently) seemed to love. She pounced at it again, and Soonyoung had, yet again, been rambling about his work adventures. 

Vernon plucked another fry from Soonyoung’s leftovers. “Dude. Kinda sounds like there’s something there.” 

“I don’t know,” Soonyoung said. “Maybe I’m being silly. I should ask them out sometime, but they’re still new. It feels weird to do it so soon.” He paused, watching as Vernon slowly began to reach for another fry. “If you’re hungry, then eat. I’m fine.” 

With permission, Vernon immediately pulled over the rest of the leftover fries. “I mean it, dude. Why wait? You like them, they seem to like you, just go for it.” 

… Maybe he would.

But probably not today. Soonyoung had woken up late which, thankfully, wasn’t too bad considering he didn’t live too far from work. Jihoon had been in the kitchen, sliding over a plate of toast when Soonyoung booked it from the room.

“You have that meeting—”

“I know!” Soonyoung grabbed two slices. He’d shove them into his mouth on the run over. “I know—I set an alarm!”

Jihoon looked up, already annoyed, “I know. It woke me up.” 

He’d make it up to him later. He yelled back a casual “love you!” to Jihoon, who only groaned in response, and booked it to the stairs. No elevator today: the complex’s elevator sucked most days, and Soonyoung always reserved it for when he was coming home rather than heading to work. He’d pulled on the wrong pair of shoes considering he had a meeting today. He needed to look nice, and he did, mostly. These were the ones that were a little too broken in, having lost traction against the office floors, and they’d lost their shine a bit. Maybe no one would notice? Hopefully no one would notice. He didn’t need anyone making a comment… or you to think less of him. Were you the kind of person who cared about that kind of thing? He hoped not. As long as you were presentable, Soonyoung wouldn’t think any differently of you. 

He burst through the front doors of the building, yelling out to where you and Sungyoon had just boarded the elevators. He saw the way the two of you looked surprised, eyes wide and brows raised as Soonyoung booked it across the lobby while no one else seemed to think much of it. It was far from the first time this had happened, to be fair: it happened back when he was new, and it kept happening every so often since. Soonyoung, unfortunately for everyone else, was the kind of person who could be loud when he needed to be. Which was good for him, because Sungyoon had taken pity on him and held the elevator doors for him. Soonyoung’s hair was standing on end now. Fuck, when did the building have such a bad problem with dry air? 

Shit, fuck, the floors were against him today. In the split few seconds he had, he’d tried to yell for you to move aside so he could crash against the elevator walls, yet his brain seemed to have turned to pudding. He felt this subtle pull forward, which he once thought was gravity as he nearly tripped over the elevator threshold and into you.

Only for sparks to fly. Literally fly. Sungyoon had crumpled to the floor in pain, howling about ‘what the fuck was that?!’ while Soonyoung only felt this warmth wash over him. You’d been shoved against the elevator wall and were clutching the back of your head (shit, fuck, he’d check on you once his brain caught up to him). Wait.

Wait. Sparks flew. 

You…?

“Dude, what the fuck?” You’d pushed him away, hand still clutching the back of your head. 

Immediately, his brain had finally started fully functioning again. “Shit!” He stepped forward, trying to get a closer look at the back of your skull. No bleeding or visible bruising, but what did he know? “Are you okay? Did you get hurt? I’m sorry, I tried to stop, but—”

“What the fuck was that?!” Sungyoon was still on the elevator floor. The doors slid shut after a moment. 

Quietly, Soonyoung hit the button for the correct floor, just to get things moving. “I… I, uh…”

You stared at him, slowly connecting the dots. “Oh.”

“Did… Did it hurt you?” Soonyoung shyly asked, only to realize he’d been vague. “The sparks.”

You shook your head. “No. But—” You looked at Sungyoon. “Sungyoon, are you okay?”

“I’ll live,” he pulled himself back up. “Of course he’s your soulmate. No wonder you two wouldn’t stop staring at each other…”

Soonyoung had felt a pull toward you, but… He always thought that was infatuation fueling that feeling. There were so many things he’d already wanted to ask you, and yet it felt… weird to say them with Sungyoon there. Were you like him? Had you given up on soulmates even though you wanted one? Or did you not care that Soonyoung was your soulmate? Would you have still liked him if he wasn’t…? He felt like he would have liked you either way, but he would never know for sure now. Then again, maybe he could be okay with not having that answer. If he got to know you better, then he could be happy. Neither of you spoke for the ride up, and he could see Sungyoon debating stopping this elevator ride early to give the two of you space.

Thankfully, he didn’t. But he did book it off the elevator once the doors opened, leaving the two of you two step off together.

“So…” You were a little quieter than normal, never quite looking at Soonyoung for too long. “We’re soulmates.”

He nodded. “Is that okay?”

That earned your attention faster than anything else. “Of course that’s okay. Why wouldn’t that be okay?” 

“I just thought that…” You didn’t seem happy. Then again, he barely knew you.

You shook your head. “Just because I’m used to not having a soulmate doesn’t mean I’m not happy it’s you. I already thought you were cute, so…”

Soonyoung shyly smiled at you, hand brushing against your own. It was enough to get you to stop and face him. “I know we have a meeting soon, but… There’s a little place across the street we could go for lunch. It’ll be my treat, if you want—”

“I’d love to,” you smiled. “I’ll look forward to it, soulmate.”

Soonyoung watched you walk ahead of him, smiling to yourself. Suddenly, he felt a new sense of confidence wash over him as he watched you go. He’d only known you for so long,  but something told him that choosing you was going to be the easiest decision he’d ever made.

(And when he told Jihoon that night, he’d called Jun and Wonwoo immediately to send him the money he’d just won for betting that Soonyoung would figure it out sooner rather than later.)

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune @staranghae @porridgesblog @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny @bewoyewo

[fdelopera]

I’m Christian but want to challenge what I’ve been taught after seeing your posts about the Old Testament having cut up the Torah to fit a different narrative. Today I was taught that the Hebrew word Elohim is the noun for God as plural and therefore evidence of the holy Trinity and Jesus & Holy Spirit been there at creation. Is that what the word Elohim actually means? Because I don’t want to be party to the Jewish faith, language and culture being butchered by blindly trusting what I was told

Hi Anon.

NOPE! The reason G-d is sometimes called Elohim in the Tanakh is because during the First Temple period (circa 1000 – 587 BCE), many of the ancestors of the Jewish people in the Northern and Southern Kingdoms practiced polytheism.

(A reminder that the Tanakh is the Hebrew bible, and is NOT the same as the “Old Testament” in Christian bibles. Tanakh is an acronym, and stands for Torah [Instruction], Nevi’im [Prophets], Ketuvim [Writings].)

Elohim is the plural form of Eloah (G-d), and these are some of the names of G-d in Judaism. Elohim literally means “Gods�� (plural).

El was the head G-d of the Northern Kingdom’s pantheon, and the Southern Kingdom of Judah incorporated El into their worship as one of the many names of G-d.

The name Elohim is a vestige of that polytheistic past.

Judaism transitioned from monolatry (worshiping one G-d without denying the existence of others) to true monotheism in the years during and directly after the Babylonian exile (597 – 538 BCE). That is largely when the Torah was edited into the form that we have today. In order to fight back against assimilation into polytheistic Babylonian society, the Jews who were held captive in Babylon consolidated all gods into one G-d. Shema Yisrael Adonai eloheinu Adonai ehad. “Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord is One.”

So Elohim being a plural word for “Gods” has absolutely nothing to do with the idea of the Holy Trinity in Christianity.

Especially because Christians are monotheists. My understanding of the Holy Trinity (please forgive me if this is incorrect) is that Christians believe that the Holy Trinity is three persons in one Godhead. Certainly, the Holy Trinity is not “three Gods” — that would be blasphemy.

(My sincere apologies to the Catholics who just read this last sentence and involuntarily cringed about the Protestants who’ve said this. I’m so sorry! I’m just trying to show that it’s a fallacy to say that the Holy Trinity somehow comes from “Elohim.”)

But there's something else here, too. Something that as a Jew, makes me uneasy about the people who are telling you these things about Elohim and the Holy Trinity.

Suggesting that Christian beliefs like the Holy Trinity can somehow be "found" in the Tanakh is antisemitic.

This is part of “supersession theory.” This antisemitic theory suggests that Christianity is somehow the "true successor" to Second Temple Judaism, which is false.

Modern Rabbinic Judaism is the true successor to Second Temple Judaism. Period.

Christianity began as an apocalyptic Jewish mystery cult in the 1st century CE, in reaction to Roman rule. One of the tactics that the Romans used to subdue the people they ruled over was a “divide and conquer” strategy, which sowed division and factionalization in the population. The Romans knew that it was easier to control a country from the outside if the people inside were at each other’s throats.

Jesus led one of many breakaway Jewish sects at the time. The Jewish people of Qumran (possibly Essenes), whose Tanakh was the “Dead Sea Scrolls,” were another sect.

Please remember that the Tanakh was compiled in the form that we have today over 500 years before Jesus lived. Some of the texts in the Tanakh were passed down orally for maybe a thousand years before that, and texts like the Song of Deborah in the Book of Judges (in the Tanakh, that’s in the Nevi’im) were first written down in Archaic Biblical Hebrew during the First Temple Period.

There is absolutely nothing of Jesus or Christianity in the Tanakh, and there is nothing in the Tanakh that in any way predicts Christianity.

Also, Christians shouldn’t use Judaism in any way to try to “legitimize” Christianity. Christianity was an offshoot of 1st century Judaism, which then incorporated a lot of Roman Pagan influence. It is its own valid religion, in all its forms and denominations.

But trying to use the Hebrew bible to give extra credence to ideas like the Holy Trinity is antisemitic.

It is a tactic used by Christian sects that want to delegitimize Judaism as a religion by claiming that Christianity was somehow “planted” in the Tanakh over 2500 years ago.

This line of thinking has led Christians to mass murder Jews in wave after wave of antisemitic violence over the last nearly 2000 years, because our continued existence as Jews challenges the notion that Christians are the “true” successors of Temple Judaism.

Again, the only successor of Temple Judaism is Rabbinic Judaism, aka Modern Judaism.

This line of thinking has also gotten Christians to force Jews to convert en masse throughout the ages. If Christians can get Jews to all convert to Christianity, then they don’t have to deal with the existential challenge to this core misapprehension about the “true” successor to Temple Judaism.

And even today, many Christians still believe that they should try to force Jews to “bend the knee” to Jesus. When I was a young teenager, a preacher who was a parent at the school I went to got me and two other Jewish students to get in his car after a field trip. After he had trapped us in his car, he spent the next two hours trying to get us to convert to Christianity. It was later explained to me that some Christians believe they get extra “points” for converting Jews. And I’m sure he viewed this act of religious and spiritual violence as something he could brag about to his congregation on Sunday.

Trying to get Jews to convert is antisemitic and misguided, and it ignores all the rich and beautiful history of Jewish practice.

We Jews in diaspora in America and Europe have a forced immersion in Christian culture. It is everywhere around us, so we learn a lot about Christianity through osmosis. Many Jews also study early Christianity because Christianity exists as a separate religion within our Jewish history.

But I don’t see a lot of Christians studying Jewish history. Even though studying Jewish history would give you a wealth of understanding and context for your own religious traditions.

So, all of this is to say, I encourage you to study Jewish history and Jewish religious practice. Without an understanding of the thousands of years of Jewish history, it is easy to completely misinterpret the Christian bible, not to mention the Hebrew bible as well.

[oshinohoshi]

Regarding Hikaru's culpability in Ai's death

The question of whether Hikaru meant to hurt Ai is still up in the air but in this post I'm going to make an extremely messy argument that Hikaru loved Ai and didn't mean to kill her!

Above: Hikaru said Ai had selfish and cruel sides (more like extremely avoidant tendencies but I digress) but there's no menace to his tone. He believed it was only natural for her to leave him.

I will say that Hikaru's below statement from ch 160 is pretty weird, especially after just learning that Ai loved him. Is that how he saw Ai? As a woman who deceived him and tried to make him obey her?

It does kind of align with the below Fatal lyrics which I can't see as anything other than a Hikaru song:

You have given me a fatal flaw Selfish giant star, ruined lives

I think both things can be true. He didn't hate Ai. He loved her more than anything. But he was bitter because he thought she didn't care about him.

He created a warped view of their relationship in which he was never loved or needed. But that bitterness, even anger at times, never appears to have devolved into murderous intent. Not when he was still so soft on her despite some of his more accusatory statements.

OK you're saying he didn't mean to kill her. But what about this?

I don't know, man. I just don't know. It's so antithetical to everything we know about him. It's one thing to lash out in a moment of pain but a slow burn manipulation like this requires intention. There's two explanations I can come up with.

He was twisting the screws for another reason. Maybe he wanted to exert control because he felt so powerless over the situation with Ai. Or perhaps he wanted a fellow Ai fanatic. Someone who would understand her significance.

Aqua is wrong.

But why did he change his story from stating he wanted Ryosuke to scare Ai (you fucking idiot, Hikaru) to just giving her a bouquet?

I'm a bit stumped here too. This guy is supposedly a master manipulator yet he couldn't keep his story straight?

Perhaps both of these were his motives but I don't know why he didn't say that from the start. I just don't think this is proof that he lied because it's not hard to keep such a basic story straight.

The best explanation I can come up with is that he told Ryosuke the address in a fit of anger and despair. He thought Ryosuke would scare her. He then gave him the bouquet. It was an "I love you/I want you to feel my pain" message for Ai.

OK, but if Aqua was right about Hikaru manipulating Ryosuke, then he knew Ryosuke was an Ai fanatic who could go off the rails in an instant. Especially if he learned that Ryosuke killed Gorou. And anyway, what the hell did he think he was going to do to scare her?

Augh. I'm just going to hope that Nino filled Hikaru in on Gorou's murder after Ryosuke died and therefore he didn't realize that Ryosuke was dangerous. As for what he thought Rysouke would do... I dunno. Give her the bouquet and glower at her? Tell her he knew about her kids?

My man was an idiot but I don't think that makes him a killer in this case. I mean, it would be scary enough for a fan to show up at your door with flowers from your ex.

My last piece of evidence that Hikaru didn't want to hurt Ai is that he was desperate to ensure nobody would surpass her, he wanted to feel her presence, and imo he was trying to preserve her memory.

Offing Ai is the opposite of all those things. He said that he killed Ai out of spite but I don't think that we're meant to take that literally.

Those panels at the top of my post and his obsessive adoration of Ai make it hard for me to believe he would try to harm her. Instead, he blamed himself - rightfully so - for sending Ryosuke to Ai's apartment and that's what he meant by killing her out of spite.

But this goddamn back and forth is why I'm so frustrated with Hikaru's characterization.

Is he a man who loved Ai, inadvertently caused her to die, and then spiraled into madness fueled by grief and guilt? Or is he a man who loved Ai, used Ryosuke to kill her, and then spiraled into madness because he regretted his actions?

Well, aside from all the reasons presented above, the story never explicitly tells us that he tried to kill Ai. Given that Crow Girl walks around spouting monologues about who is doing what and why, and Hikaru never thought about how he tried to murder Ai in his final moments, I've settled on: Hikaru is by no means an innocent man but he never wanted Ai dead.

I rest my case. It was shaky but I did my best.

[k9punkout]

sharing my thoughts on this image cuz it's eating away at me

so this is what (im pretty sure) the text above them says and implies

luka: breathing test- makes sense due to the respirator he has. acing a test on breathing is really funny to me, but as much as i'd like to leave it at that i think luka canonically has asthma. the aliens were probably tweaking with that/torturing him via his respiratory problems. he clearly gave them the response they wanted, considering he earned such a high grade. sobbing.

hyuna: superiority test- im still so interested about this one. while idk exactly what happened, it should be noted that hyuna's guardian, phan, is considered to be one of the highest class/most superior intergalactic lifeforms. maybe they only accept pet humans of the utmost best quality? also, we never see hyun-woo's scores/tests. it might be because he isn't a main character like hyuna is, but what if it implies that he fell short of phan's expectations? maybe that's why they didn't care enough to revive him after he died. that might've been a driving factor for why hyuna hates the segyein so much. hmmmm (im reaching)

ivan: smile test- considering the equipment, it's pretty obvious what went down here. i think this further confirms my theory on ivan being forced into masking his emotions with a smile, rather than just doing it to fit in. help him :((

sua: hearing ability(?)- i don't think we've been told anything about sua having TROUBLE hearing, but the aliens could've tweaked with her ears so she can hear her own music better and therefore perfect it? idk.

mizi: vision- i remember there was this old livestream where vivimeng said that there's technology in the alnst universe to fix mizi's vision problems, so this must be it. judging by the bandages, it seems to be some sort of surgery. it explains why she doesn't need her glasses anymore.

till: it just says "be obedient"-bandages are covering his ENTIRE face. whatever skin that's showing seems to be covered in bruises. it's very vague about what happened to him but i just know it's terrible. someone get him OUT OF THERE

im also wondering whether or not this is like. directly after these tests

it would make sense with luka, hyuna, and ivan, but sua doesn't seem to have anything attached to her ears, mizi's not only completely blindfolded here, but she's also being made to dance while her grade in the previous image is labeled "vision", and till looks much more docile than usual here (plus he's widely regarded as a musical genius so i doubt he'd get a low grade on instrument practice)

then again sua's hearing operation could've been performed after this (maybe a test on how hearing affects a human's voice?)

and mizi's dance test could've been right after her eye operation while the image of her grade could've been taken after one of her eyes healed.

as for till, he could've gotten that C simply because he played an entirely different song than what was assigned to him (which is in character, but i dont think it warrants that extreme of a beating or whatever it was they did to his face).

alternatively, he seems to have a tendency to act more tame before pulling a wild stunt (he was uncharacteristically obedient before killing freddie in r2, and his aggression at the karaoke scene was after a long period with little to no resistance), so he might've tried something violent halfway through the test.

moral of the story, no one's happy

[gummy-bearz]

Yay~ I'm glad you liked my previous request~ how about we Get more SFW and NSFW with kaede akamatsu, Celestia ludenburg along with Angie yonaga and Aoi asahina with a male S/O.

SFW / NSFW

Celestia Ludenberg / Aoi Asahina / Kaede Akamatsu / Angie Yonaga with a male S/O Headcanons

the hoeezzz gonna loveee this… (I hope)

also I won’t be writing smut of v3 characters; I’m sorry but therefore there will only be NSFW headcanons for Celeste and Hina in this, hope that’s okay!!

- mod hiyoko

SFW

Celestia Ludenberg

- She’s comfortable around you. And I mean REALLY comfortable. Celeste isn’t afraid to express her feelings around you because she knows you love her deeply no matter what. <3

- If you’re gothic lolita like her, that would be absolutely perfect. You two would decorate the whole entire house with Victorian-inspired decorations.

- If you’re not a gothic lolita, she would ask for permission before decorating the house (please say yes, that would make her so happy)

- Do NOT make this woman mad. You’ll regret it.

- Actually, she will regret it. If Celeste ever yells at you, it was probably an accident and she will apologize later.

- You watch in fear as she screams at Hifumi, however that’s your girl so you gotta cheer her on!!

- Celeste isn’t used to physical touch and it took her a while to get used to it. She was surprised when you hugged her for the first time.

- You two decided to adopt another cat so Grand Bois Chéri could have a friend! However, Celeste wanted to get a black cat. It HAD to be a black cat. It needs to fit her aesthetic.

- She finds it ridiculous when you wear her hair extensions. Ridiculous- but endearing. (You’re probably the only person allowed to touch her extensions.)

- Will she let you win at card games? Maybe.

Aoi Asahina

- She is such a sweetheart!!! She bombs you with lots of affection.

- She wakes you up early sometimes so you two can go on a jog. It’s a little irritating but it’s okay!

- If you don’t like going on jogs early in the morning, that’s totally fine with her! She respects your boundaries and won’t wake you up early again.

- She’s extremely happy that she has someone like you. Hina thought that because of her being athletic meant that she wouldn’t be in a relationship because of how “masculine” she seems. :(

- You like tricking her, she’s so gullible that she will believe absolutely ANYTHING you say. You find her reaction to being deceived hilarious.

- Aoi is really strong, she WILL carry you on her back.

- If you’re going through something, she will comfort you in the best way possible. She’ll motivate you, hug you… basically anything that will help you. Aoi just hates seeing you upset. <3

- Whenever you two get doughnuts, she likes to suggest you different types of doughnuts to try.

- This girl HATES staying up late. If shes up at like 2 a.m, she’ll get mad at herself and quickly go to sleep.

Kaede Akamatsu

- She’s a total babe, she so affectionate and loves cuddling with you. And by the way, she’s really warm too so bonus points. <3

- Kaede likes to write songs for you. It’s one of her ways of showing you affection since she just LOVES YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!

- If this girl had one wish, it would be to teach you piano. She would literally be SO SO happy if you asked her to help. Seeing you collect hobbies just makes her smile. <3

- Speaking of smiles, she literally has the most cutest smile EVER (she’s just so cuteness in general!!!). Whenever you see her smile, you feel warm inside.

- If you’re ever insecure about something, she will drown you in compliments. Kaede loves EVERYTHING about you and will do anything just to make you feel better about yourself.

- She doesn’t really care about PDA; she will show you affection in public (such as kissing, hand holding idfk) and will only stop if you ask her to. But when you two are alone she BOMBS you with affection!!

- Girl just wants to protect you no matter what- even if you can protect yourself. She just wants to keep you safe.

- She LOVES going on picnics, the environment there is perfect for her. Extra points if you make her a flower crown. <3

Angie Yonaga

- She asks if she can use you as a reference for her paintings- but this is actually just an excuse to spend time with you! (thanks to the random person who told me this in 2021, I never forgot about this amazing headcanon.)

- She will hold you in her arms and cuddle you while saying sweet and comforting things, her hugs are amazing too.

- Angie loves scented candles- she places them all around the room when painting. It brings a tranquil aura to the place though, so you don’t really mind.

- The scented candles are also there for cuddling time. She just loves them. A lot. ok anyway,,

- Her love language is physical touch, Angie loves the feeling of your skin. She doesn’t care if it’s soft, rough or anything because she will still be affectionate no matter what. <3

- Her compliments are always so endearing.

- Whenever you’re feeling down, she gives you lots of reasons to enjoy life just to make you feel better!! <3

- Angie has a very soothing voice, she likes to sing you melodic songs when you’re struggling to sleep.

- Like Kaede, she doesn’t really care about PDA. She will give you forehead and hand kisses (omg I love her sm) and will stop if you ask her too. But she BOMBS you with kisses in private.

NSFW

Celestia Ludenberg

- She’s dominant. If you try to dominate her, you’re going to fail immediately.

- Face sitting? Hell yeah.

- BDSM is a yes to her, she loves tying you up and seeing you whimper and squirm.

- Footjobs for sure, the knee-high stockings stay ON though. (She makes you wash them later.)

- Celeste is a sadist for sure, so she likes to step on you. Or she just likes to use her feet a lot…

- She loves it when you use her mouth.

- She’s more of a receiver than a giver, she barely gives you blowjobs. You just eat her out most of the time.

- When Celeste is riding you, I’d say she’s kind of belligerent? Not that aggressive enough to break your cock.

- Another thing she does is that she puts her gunmetal plated ring against your face so you can whimper due to how cold it is.

- She degrades you by calling you stuff such as her “servant”.

- Her aftercare isn’t really the best, but she’s trying at least…? If you’re feeling sore, she’ll give you a massage.

- Surprisingly skilled at using her tongue, so she’s more of a giver than a receiver.

Aoi Asahina

- Shy, but giggly.

- Literally SO loud, she’s out here releasing screams and moans.

- Her hair is down when she’s in the mood, I mean she does look good with her hair down soooo…

- You two probably fucked in the locker rooms.

- Its pretty easy to make her cum- and she also produces a lot too.

- Hina can last for a very long time, she’s got the stamina.

- She likes any position where it involves standing up. But if you don’t like being on your legs, that’s fine with her!

- Shower sex too.

- She likes being fucked against the glass, the way how her breasts push firmly against it… omg.

- Afraid of messing something up, she will constantly ask if she’s doing alright to get your approval.

- I was laughing so fucking hard when I thought of this but she has probably and unfortunately shoved a pool noodle inside of her when thinking about you.

[luna-writes-stuff]

Run To The Water, Lucifer

Song link

Fanfic, gn! reader (more OC, but no specific appearances/names/pronouns are mentioned!)

Fluff, reunion, lore-heavy

Word count: 3826

Tw: mention of injuries, constant lower back pain (because I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this), some a la Prometheus eternal punishment thing. Mutual longing, God is an asshole. I think I swore maybe two times? Again - more OC than reader, but not entirely so idk. Not proofread.

Summary: Before mankind, there were angels and there was you. But unlike the angels, you weren’t created by God’s hands, and he loathed you for it. He used you as an inspiration for humans before trying to get rid of you. Now, years later, your favourite angel is running free again. And he comes to seek you out.

Buy me a coffee/force me to write more

Oh, desert speak to my heart. Oh, woman of the earth. Maker of children who weep for love. Maker of this birth.”

In the beginning, before mankind and capitalism and whatnot, Earth was a simple run ground for god and his angels. They got to run haywire, create things, destroy things, whatever would ‘inspire’ God, as he had put it. He came to create light, life, death - everything. But through everything he had made and everything he had prided himself on, he had never created you. You came into existence long before the humans, from a source no one truly knew. He could have left you there to rot: something that wasn’t his. It was almost an insult. Yet something about you made him give in, caused him to offer you shelter where his angels would be safe.

And as much as he initially hated you, he saw something in him that his angels didn’t show him: inspiration for his greatest creation yet. He kept you close only leaving you around his four most trusted sons when he was away. It never felt like a prison to you.

It didn’t, until Adam and Eve were created.

As they set their first steps on Earth, you were approached by a group of angels, claiming they were there to ‘escort you out’. You had followed them, had it not been for Lucifer, and his distrust towards his siblings. God had seen your purpose fit - you had become his greatest inspiration, mankind; an improved version of you. Or that is what he had believed. You were not his creation, therefore did not deserve to set foot on his land. And after he had realised his greatest invention, it was time to get rid of ‘that which was left’.

“'Til your deepest secrets are known to me, I will not be moved. I will not be moved.”

Lucifer had helped you hide from his father and siblings, making sure you were safe as they scavenged the Earth. For years, this worked. Humans evolved - though slowly - and Lucifer’s temper had begun to grow significantly worse.

It was after only a handful of decades that you were finally found. In his act of cruelty, God made his favourite son execute his ‘dumbest decision’, still unaware of the fact that it had been Lucifer who had kept you hidden all these years. That is when he snapped. He belittled humans, claiming them to be a cheap copy of you - which had held truth in it - and needy. God forgot his first children just to be able to rule his new playthings.

It was that fateful day that had led to his downfall. He was cast down from Heaven, forced to live upon the place that housed the creatures he hated most. He tried to rule Hell for a while, making sure you had still been safe. Even after centuries of humans coming into existence, angels kept looking for you everywhere. And though the search had significantly faded over time, you knew that if you were to announce your presence, they’d try to get rid of you as quickly as they could.

Many had believed you had died in those years. Though not nearly ageing as quickly as humans, you surely couldn’t be immortal. The opposite was proven when the angels landed their attack on Lucifer. It was when you had finally been captured, that Lucifer’s strength slowly began to face, until he was banished to the cage.

Since then, he hadn’t known what had happened to you, nor where you had been. And in his eyes, that had been a worse punishment than being kept in a cage.

“Don't try to find the answer When there ain't no question here. Brother, let your heart be wounded And give no mercy to your fear.”

God couldn’t kill you - the weakling. Instead, he stripped you off all that made you divine, save for your ageing process. You were forced to stay on Earth and live out the rest of your eternal life without a branch of special on you. You were quick to find out God had kept angels in your street, keeping constant vigilance. If you were to even say the wrong thing, he’d know.

It took a long time for you to adjust to simply living on the streets as everyone did. You had to reinvent yourself a ton of times in order to keep up the facade of being a mortal woman. But after a while, you learned to maintain a normal job, pay bills (as God had so horribly intended), make new friends, watch them grow old and happy, then ‘die’ of a sudden cardiac arrest. And the cruellest of it all, was the fact you couldn’t die, even if you wanted to. God would find a way to bring you back.

An eternal punishment for simply existing.

“Adam and Eve live down the street from me. Babylon is every town. It's as crazy as it's ever been. Love's a stranger all around.”

It was late when you returned home from work. One of the cons of turning more mortal was the constant ache in your lower back, and your incapability to heal it. All you really wanted to do when you came home was fall into your bed and not get out for a long time.

The walk home was silent, but what caught you off-guard was the lack of eyes on you. For the first time in decades, you didn’t have the constant feeling of being watched. And it caused an unsettling shiver to run down your spine. Angels weren’t one to give up on their tasks - not without a significant threat. And if it had taken them out, you weren’t safe to begin with.

With a quicker pace, you walked onto your patio, your keys gripped tightly in your hands in case someone would try to sneak up on you. Unlocking the door, you walked in, immediately locking it behind you. A long sigh escaped you when you heard the satisfactory click.

Kicking your shoes off and hanging your coat over a chair, you waltzed towards the couch, falling down onto it with an obnoxious huff. You turned the tv on, staring at the screen blankly, the words not fully registering.

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, something told you you were not alone. And though that usually brought a terrifying chill, this seemed somewhat comfortable.

“In a moment we lost our minds here, And lay our spirit down. Today we lived a thousand years. All we have is now.”

You sat upright, now scanning the room more intently. From the corner of your eye, you could see something move in the kitchen, followed by a light amount of noise. Not turning the tv off, you carefully walked towards the source, turning your head around the corner first.

You didn’t recognise the man in the kitchen. You did, however, recognise the faint glow emanating from him. No human held that glow, not unless their body was being used by someone else.

The scrubbing on the jacket halted, and you now noticed the bloodstains on it. You frowned at the sight, then dropped your shoulders as you noticed the small pile of already red-stained towels. When the man turned around, you came face to face with him, and it suddenly began to click why the room had felt so comfortable.

“Lucifer?”

“Run to the water And find me there. Burnt to the core but not broken.”

“You’re alive,” he breathed, before dropping the towel and walking up to you, pulling you into his figure. You hesitantly returned the embrace, still half in shock of what had just happened. For years, you believed God had killed his son, leaving you alive in terrible mockery, but the opposite was proven now. And in his eyes, he believed you had died as well. He went out on a gut feeling and found exactly what he had been looking for.

When his hands tightened on your back, you finally yielded, vehemently returning the embrace, burying your head in his chest. “You’re alive,” He repeated, one of his hands trailing to your hair, running his hand through it softly, as if frightened that notion would break you.

As you parted, his eyes remained on you, trailing over your figure as if to properly observe you. “You haven’t changed at all,” He muttered, before he took you into his embrace again. “I thought you died,” You managed to whisper, your eyes glued to his wings that had now become apparent.

“The feeling is mutual,” He sighed, keeping you at arm’s length when you heard a car pass by. His eyes trailed to the window, an instant glare building on his face. “We need to get out of here. Don’t worry about the angels,” He spoke in one breath, before looking at you again. “I took care of them.” “I figured,” You nodded, still at loss for words.

“We'll cut through the madness Of these streets below the moon. These streets below the moon.”

Outside, you heard car doors open, followed by heavy footsteps, walking towards your porch. “Lucifer,” A gruff voice cut through the tense silence. On the other side of your kitchen stood another person, one you easily recognised as angel. You furrowed your eyes at him in anger, all too familiar with angels and the way they perceived you. You didn’t miss the slight smile on Lucifer’s face as he looked at the angel.

“Too late, little brother.”

And with that, the two of you had left your home, now suddenly in the middle of a forest. You looked around quickly, your stomach churning as the brief travel ended. Your knees buckled underneath you, your hands extending to break your fall. Nausea settled in you as you tried to regain your breath, remaining hunched over. Lucifer observed you from a distance, his hands in his pockets.

“So,” He began, his voice slightly uncomfortable. “You mortal now?” You looked over your shoulder, sparing him a mocking smile: “Consider it your father’s greatest gift.”

His eyebrows raised the words, silently cursing his father for your punishment. “At least he didn’t kill you.” “Bastard couldn’t do it,” You muttered. “Claimed I reminded him too much of you.” “He’s always so sentimental.” Lucifer agreed.

“And I will never leave you, 'Til we can say, this world was just a dream. We were sleepin', now we are awake 'Til we can say.”

When you remained on the floor, your breathing unsteady, the fallen angel walked towards you. He frowned lightly at the sight of your discomfort. “You okay?” A groan came from you as you tried to sit upright, pain shooting through your lower back. “Just peachy.”

Lucifer’s lips formed in a thin line, observing your figure. “Right,” He spoke sarcastically. Then, he reached down, holding his hands on your shoulder. When he didn’t do anything else, you looked at him confused. The angel seemed conflicted, looking at you as if he was expecting you to say or do anything. When you didn’t say anything, he took a step back: “I can’t heal you.”

You sighed at that. Naturally, God decided to screw you over even more. “Curse that asshole,” You mumbled on your breath, before clumsily rising to your feet again. When you stumbled slightly, Lucifer’s hands found your waist quickly, keeping you in place.

“I’m fine.” You objected, even though your hands were now holding onto his lower arms. “Yeah, no.” He deadpanned, keeping you steady. “How the mighty have fallen.” You looked up through your lashes as he spoke those words.

“Don’t remind me.”

“In a moment we lost our minds here And dreamt the world was round. A million miles fall from grace. Thank God we missed the ground.”

He looked down at you for a short second before the scenery changed again. That same nauseating feeling entered your stomach as you fell down on something soft. You groaned in pain, curling up, almost as if trying to protect yourself. For a second, you forgot you were around Heaven’s most wanted, and simply laid down, taking a moment to regain your posture.

“No, this is amazing.” You objected as you sat up, now seeing you had landed in some kind of fancy five-star hotel room. It was then that you noticed you had fallen onto a huge bed, the blankets shifting underneath you. You looked at Lucifer with questioning eyes, not understanding why you were suddenly somewhere else.

“Humans need rest.” He just spoke, sitting on a chair next to the bed. “I’ll be fine.” You disagreed, preparing to get off the bed. Before you could set a foot on the floor, Lucifer shook his head, grabbing a book from seemingly nowhere.

“No, you won’t,” He sighed. “I’ll just wait here, I guess.”

“Run to the water And find me there. Burnt to the core, but not broken.”

You simply stared at him. Only minutes ago you were still convinced of his death, well-adjusted to a simple mortal life. And without preparation, he had appeared in your kitchen and whisked you away to who knows where.

You blinked twice at the realisation. You thought he was dead for years. And there he sat, directly in front of you. As if nothing had happened. Noting your eyes still on him, Lucifer looked at you from his seat: “What?” “They told me you died,” You breathed. “I thought I would be the only one left at the end of time.”

He lowered his book upon your words, an unsure expression on his face. You began to grow concerned you might have said the wrong thing. Who knew what he had been through all those years? It mustn't have been easy for him either. “Thought I’d be locked in a cage forever,” He ultimately spoke, halting your concerns. “Had to go through daily torment of mentioning my fall and your death to me.”

Though he spoke in a sarcastic tone, you knew his words were genuine. And as him, you did your best to lighten the situation. You could feel the conflict and pain radiating off of him, but you weren’t going to mention it to him. Not now. Instead, you spoke: “Guess our deaths were a little exaggerated.”

“We'll cut through the madness Of these streets below the moon. With a nuclear fire of love in our hearts.”

“Well, at least there’s still one good thing in this world.” He shrugged, and you couldn’t help but smile at his words, a heartfelt expression crossing your features. At your face, Lucifer slowly shook his, holding his hands up: “No. Forget I said anything,” Pointing towards your smiling figure, he gave you an accusing look. “That was a moment of weakness.”

You didn’t tease him about it. Perhaps later you would mention it again. For now, you just enjoyed his presence, his stupid remarks something you had missed for a very long time. When your smile finally faded, Lucifer just looked at you, his expression relatively neutral, even though you could feel the fondness in his gaze. Be that as it may, the words he spoke weren’t fond in any way. If anything, they had caught you off-guard.

“I’m gonna burn this place down. Restart the world in my image.” Ah yes, the infamous Apocalypse. Of course, you couldn’t forget about that. It was foretold. If anything, you had an idea the angels were planning something for a while now. They had begun to grow more secretive and silent over the last few months. You first thought they had started losing interest in you, but that had not been the case. They were simply preparing for a rematch with Lucifer.

You couldn’t help but understand his views, especially considering what the both of you had gone through in your history. Though your views hadn’t always been the same, you wanted to be at his side. It was the safest you had ever been, nor would ever be.

“Yeah, I can see it now, Lord Out beyond all the breakin' of waves And the tribulation.”

“What would that be?” You asked, to which Lucifer nonchalantly shrugged. “Less humans, more lightsabers.” Though he seemed fond of that idea, you didn’t laugh at it. “Maybe I’ll just wipe this world off the map. We could run to a remote planet.”

You couldn’t help but remain silent at his words, just staring at him, not sure what to do or say. And he had noticed, an oblivious ‘what’ coming out of his mouth. You blinked twice, forcing yourself back to reality. “I’ve spent lifetimes here now,” You answered, your voice much more gentle than you had intended. “I don’t know, there’s good things here too.”

He raised his eyebrows at your statement, testing your words. “Like what?” You shrugged. “I really like dogs.” “We can keep the dogs.” He quickly added, but so did you: “Music is pleasant.” “I’ll find a way.” He continued, to which you groaned in objection.

“Lucifer, humans aren’t evil.” “They’re a faulty copy of you!” He returned angrily. Not at you, but at his father. For daring to mock you in such a brutal way. For the way he wanted to get rid of you once he copied you to make his own creation. “A cheap replication.” He continued to rant. “I don’t want cheap replications when I can have the real thing.”

“It's a place and the home of ascended souls Who swam out there in love.”

“Thank you,” You whispered, unsure of what to answer, but you knew compliments were hard to come by from him. Even though that was true, you couldn’t help but already feel remorseful for losing the life you had known so well for the last few years. Sure, it had been torture for you, but all good moments came from humanity.

“I know the apocalypse is inevitable,” You tried to persuade, laying back down onto the bed. “But think it over.” With that, you turned around, facing your back to him.

“Think it over?” Lucifer repeated incredulously. “Humans are terrible! Have you not caught up with history of the last few years?” “I’ve lived it.” You called over your shoulder, not mad at him. In fact, you had grown kind of disappointed and sad upon the thought of humanity fading from existence. You knew Lucifer could actually do it if he really put the effort into it. “Humans aren’t inherently evil,” You went on. “If I remember correctly, it were the angels who wanted to kill everything.”

He was silent for a moment. Longer than you were used from him. You started to wonder if he might have left. Surely, he wouldn’t have done that.

“Run to the water And find me there. Burnt to the core, but not broken.”

“And that’s why they’ll go too.” He suddenly spoke, now laying next to you on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. You let out of quiet sigh of relief upon his figure, scooting closer to him, but not enough to touch him just yet.

“And live in a world with just the two of us?” You tested. “Wouldn’t that grow…tedious?” You trailed off slightly, knowing you could speak your mind in front of the devil without risking him smiting you. Yet, it felt as if you were cursing him whilst he was directly in front of you.

“Tedious?” He echoed, chuckling as his head turned to face yours, silently assuring you he wasn’t insulted at all. In fact, it had entertained him slightly. You returned his smile, a light feeling entering your stomach upon finally seeing his joy again.

You remained laying there for a second, bathing in the glee of simply having you with him. The feeling seemed mutual, as you watched one of his wings wrap around your figure, pulling you against his body whilst his wing remained draped over you. His arm pulled you into his side, his hand coming to a rest on your side.

His touch was cold, though welcomed. You figured hell must have done a number on him - he had never been cold to touch before.

“We'll cut through the madness Of these streets below the moon. With a nuclear fire of love in our hearts.”

“Well,” He started, thinking out loud. “I could take over Heaven. Rule the string puppets from up there.” You placed your hand on his chest in agreement, a smile crossing your features as you pictured the demise of the angels who have taunted you and haunted you for centuries: “I am all for taking Heaven over.”

The angel chuckled at your comment, rubbing your skin in repeating patterns. “I know you are.”

Then, a second silence struck the pair of you, this one more comfortable, void of any tension of disagreement. The breathing of his chest was a soothing notion for you, all nausea from earlier now finally fading away. The ache in your lower back seemed to calm down slightly on the soft mattress. You silently wondered if Lucifer had felt it when he tried to heal you and got you something that would help with it.

“I’ve missed you so much,” He sighed, slight melancholy in the tone of his voice. “No one else will pay attention to me.” “You egocentric bastard,” You joked, getting comfortable in his arms.

“I missed you too, Lucifer.”

“Rest easy baby, rest easy. And recognize it all as light and rainbows, Smashed to smithereens and be happy.”

Perhaps it had been due to the adrenaline wearing off, you finally being in his arms again, or the fact that you simply had a very tiring day, but your eyelids grew heavier with every breath you took. Falling asleep in your earlier surroundings had always been difficult for you: angels were watching your every move. It was hard to feel safe under the gaze of those who swore to kill you not too long ago.

However, for the first time in a very long time, you finally felt safe. The familiar feeling of his heavy wing draped around you and his looming presence seemed to bring some special sense of comfort that you had longed for for so long.

And thus, Lucifer would spend the rest of the night in his new vessel, staring up at the ceiling for hours on end, not moving, just for you to get a healthy amount of sleep. Talking could happen later, and he had all the time in the world. His siblings wouldn’t find him. Not if he didn’t want to be found. And now, he wanted nothing more than to simply be forgotten by them and remain there.

Right there at that exact moment, he felt peace - something that he hadn’t felt in a long time, and wouldn’t feel again not much later.

“Run to the water. Run to the water.”

[thequeenofthedisneyverse]

Palia human headcanons

We are all telepathic and can talk to each other anytime. Which means we also can annoy the sh*t out of each other if we wanted. Just friendly annoyance from time to time. A special thanks to @wolfofbluestardust for this hc.

Maybe we function as a hive mind? But I think that only happens when it’s an emergency. Like if someone got hurt badly and can’t move at all. Or, when all of us need to be in a certain place at a certain time. 

An average human can run about 2-3 miles at best. But in our case, we can run longer and walk for longer periods of time. 

Very tough claws? Let’s be fr, my avatar has climbed various mountains with nothing to latch onto so I see this as fitting. We can just retract them when we don’t need them anymore. 

None of us can swim, which I think is hilarious. It’s funny to think that we can travel in the most unsafe ruins and come back out alive like nothing happened but don’t f*ck with water. 

We remember songs from our old world but have no clue where we heard them from. It gets annoying when you can’t remember the other lyrics AND can’t look them up to see what they are. However, we sometimes have parties and our lead singer (or singers) will sing a song we all know. Possibly have a band in the background for the instrumental parts. (I hope this makes sense)

I think it’s a popular headcanon that all humans have amnesia when we get to Palia. Which means none of us remember if we had siblings or parents. So I’m sure Ashura, Hodari, Badruu, and Delaila (maybe even Sifuu) serve as “adoptive” parents to all of us (who don’t romantically like them). 

Najuma and Auni are like younger siblings of course, (well to me they are). As well as Reth, Tish, and Kenyatta (if you don’t see them as someone to romance.)

Tbh Eshe gives angry rich grandma vibes and Kenli gives forgetful but happy grandpa vibes. 

Very durable seeing as we can jump off HIGH ASS mountains with very little issue afterwards. I imagine a villager, Ashura or maybe Tish or Hassian, catching one of us jumping off a mountain for the first time. 

“Oh my dragon, are you alright?!”

“Yeah, why?”

“...”

Cue to a villager watching us drop off cliffs and mountains over and over because we think it’s cool that we can do that without a scratch.

Speaking of running, are we like…. fast? Because I see all of us running like track stars all over the Bahari and Kilima…so, would it be fitting for us to be really fast, or would that be overpowering? But either way, I know none of us have bad looking legs. 

YOU CANNOT TELL ME WE DO NOT HAVE A DRAGON DEFAULT FORM!

Hear me out here. We were sent by the dragon to Palia and therefore possibly blessed with abilities BY A DRAGON. So, what if when we feel EXTREMELY threatened or with a strong urge to protect someone or something, we turn into a dragon?! Wouldn’t that be cool!

I have another HC that involves players having more spiritual abilities, let me know if you want to see them.  And if you see this post, share your HC's for Palia.

[starlitprism]

Prepping for a Tabletop Game: Who Should Do It?

So some of you are probably reading the title and going "... the game master or whatever. They should prep. Obviously." And generally speaking, that's correct. Unless they are an absolutely kickass improv type who has enough confidence to set something important on fire because you "know what you are doing" you're probably going to want to prep!

Now, much like some of the other stuff I have written, I am not here to advocate for one thing over another but I do want to talk about my own habits that may or may almost certainly not be unique. If you want a quick and easy "what do you mean" check out this little post for an example. Plus it's funny

So yeah, I prep for games even as a player. Sometimes it means bringing music for specific scenes or making up mechanics for party games or more. Oftentimes it means sitting down with my character playlist before games, finding the song to fit my characters mood, and blasting it before session to get me in the zone. This is all prep in a way.

So how else do I prep when I am not GMing?

Oh that's simple!

I just... oh wait I had a whole post on this. Ok maybe not so simple.

You can consult your GM, talk through changes as your character develops. Keep them updated on where they are at (this is very important, btw, when you tell your GM to "make you bleed" as I have found out repeatedly). Other things you can do is talk about character direction, the character's mindset, and possible pitfalls due to that mindset. These are ALL a form of prep and you don't even necessarily need to tell your GM; especially if they aren't interested in engaging like that. Some aren't. Some are busy. Me though? GM or player, that's my jam.

I have been engaging in such a way because my most recent character is kind of extreme in her reactions. Her feelings are big both in a positive and a negative sense and they can tend to overwhelm her and her thought processes which means, sometimes, I consult with my GM to come up with ideas on how to steer her towards the rest of the group instead of away. Towards ummm... shall we say a productive outllet for that energy.

Now some of you might go "or you could just make the harmonious choice anyway regardless of what she would do" and to those who can do this, I applaud you. I cannot.

This might be an autistic thing where not being true to the character just makes me feel like I am not playing them anymore. By which I mean that is exactly what I feel and therefore such choices are actively unpleasant to make. I know I am getting caught up in the details and the specifics because that is just how I work. However, that doesn't mean my solution is just wallow in the "problem." Because I see this conflicts not as a problem but an opportunity.

It's the "yes and-" portion of the bit so to speak. And insofar, despite playing a character who started very abrasive and disconnected, it's ABSOLUTELY ROCKED to play her because of this attention to detail and conversations about the character. Thank you @trishyeves for your constant amazingness as my GM. Little shoutout. We've never come up on a problem that was so impossible that we couldn't come up with a solution. Not once. Problems and disconnects are opportunities for narrative!

So for those of you who read this I am most curious to hear how you all prep either as a GM but especially as a player. HELL, if you got some fun stories involving the same please share that as well!

But anyway, who should prep? My personal favorite answer is anyone who feels up for it and wants to. Creating is very rewarding and every time we do it, it's a step towards bettering our own understanding of our process. PLUS, it make sit ways easier on the GM if they working with you. Every step of this refines it, sharpens it, and allows you to better figure out how to create something amazing. And not to harp on an old point, but when you work with your GM or your players, you start refining your ability to understand what others are thinking and where they are coming from.

And for me? Favorite part of collaborative storytelling

[st4rrmii]

The People have Spoken, here are my absolutely Baseless Ben Headcanons

(Cut because theres a lot)

-Has lower back dimples

-Is generally a "Will listen to anything" person, he started as a lil hater but eventually caved and realized that being a hater isn't fun (sometimes)

-Had a bunny growing up named Freckles

-His comfort food is his mom's homemade lasagna, she's make it for him whenever he had a bad day and it always makes him feel better

-Started going to public school after getting back to the mainland, but didn't really make any new friends because he was a hisser

-Can't grow facial hair, like the odd times he gets a stray hair but he's never been able to grow a proper beard or even mustache

-Not used to his height like, at all. Consistantly smacking his head on things.

-One of his favourite artists is Michael Jackson, and his favourite song is Dirty Diana

-Went for like a year with no clothes that fit him after his growth spurt, had maybe 2 pairs of pants he filtered through and any shirts he had fit him like a crop top. Brooklynn eventually caved and took him shopping for more clothes.

-Can secretly actually sing but like no one knows because whenever he sings in front of anyone its just for fun and therefore not his best work

-really good at chess???

-has freckles like everywhere, didn't have as many pre-nublar but they got 'worse' after the island due to the sun

-has a birth mark on his right hip that looks like a malformed heart

-(stealing this from a moot) likes bug shaped food like gummy worms and such

-Will eat out of a boot but won't touch vegetables with a ten foot pole

-The first time he broke a bone was after he got back to mainland and was playing with Bumpy, she knocked him down and he landed wrong and broke his pinky. Sammy does not let him live this down, ever.

-Daddy issues

-Can deal with bugs but has major arachnophobia, will freak out over a tiny spider. Would be horrendously fucked if Wu decided to make giant spiders.

-Spends a lot of time on his hair

-Used to be a mattress on the floor type of guy, luckily his dorm had a proper bed with a frame when he moved in (though prefers the floor mattress, tbh)

-Diagnosis cocktail I fear

-Gotten a little better at drawing with Yaz's help, though only at drawing dinosaurs, still not great at drawing humans

-Tried going to a bar with college friends for his 21st birthday, left the second an older woman started flirting with him

-has mimicking stims, will mimic things other people say or quotes he hears, was stuck saying "Ugh, as if" for months after Brooklynn made him watch clueless

-Says he's good with scary things but is the friend that clings onto whoever hes closest to in haunted houses

-Learned how to use a gun after nublar, doesn't carry or anything but he does have that skill in his back pocket if necessary

-Will buy literally anything that reminds him of Bumpy

-Terrible texter. Like absolutely ass.

-needs sound to sleep, as well as at least a little bit of light

-Sucks at math tbh

-Is the only one of the camp fam who's still ticklish, which makes him very vulnerable at times

-Lowkey king of puppy eyes

[lime1991]

hold on i have to recraft my trolls age hc... i just learned there was a brozone website and on said site we have:

January 2nd 1999 is, maybe, Branch's birthday? And instead of being like "awesome im a big brother" Floyd just goes "thank god im not the baby anymore" after hes born.

Baby Branch's oldest message is this:

February 26th 1999. He's over a month old at this point, but the phrasing of "tonight's show" leads me to believe he was part of the band from literal birth (also why Floyd's first reaction to his birth is "thank you for saving me") and therefore this isnt his first show.

The last logins for all of the brothers is March 11th 1999

And just a day before, according to John Dory, new merch dropped

Soooo i think its safe to say around March 11th 1999 is when the band broke up after their ruined performance, which makes sense that it was also the last time any of them logged into the website. (though i think it would be sad and sweet if it showed branch had logged into it sometime recently but whatever)

So that brings me back around to the age thing.

The trollspedia page states Poppy is around 21-23, and I agree and am more inclined towards 22-23 personally. Seeing as Branch was born in January 1999, he'd be 24 in 2023. But the only thing that confuses me a little is Branch saying its been 20 years since the band broke up:

For 1999 to be 20 years ago, that would mean the movie takes place in 2019. And... honestly that's not too far off from 2023 so i don't mind that being the case, its always vague about what year its meant to be, a lot of animated movies are like this. Also i wanna bring up that the song Bridget and Poppy sing in the beginning (Good As Hell by Lizzo) came out in 2019, SO... its not impossible that the movie is meant to take place in 2019.

SO... with this all in mind... my new theory/headcanon:

As of 2019...

John Dory - 39 Bruce - 38 Clay - 33 Floyd - 28 Branch - 20

And as of 1999...

John Dory - 19 Spruce - 18 Clay - 13 Floyd - 8 Branch - 2 months

ALSO lets not forget the fact that troll age stages are different from humans', a 2 month old is singing and dancing in a boyband. They tend to mature past their actual age really quickly.

(i know these are country trolls, but the idea is still there. as soon as they pop out the egg, trolls are basically toddlers)

And I've tried to keep my theory compliant with what the wikia says (like how Clay's 1999 self is referred to as a teenager, therefore i made him 13) because i believe theyre mostly right. however. i also believe the movie takes place in 2019, not 2023. even if that wasnt the intention of dreamworks, they wrote in the script that its been 20 years since 1999... that can literally only be 2019 lol.

But if we want to imagine it takes place in 2023, heres age hcs for that too:

John Dory - 43 Bruce - 42 Clay - 37 Floyd - 32 Branch - 24

Btw this means, in my hc, Poppy is 19 in 2019 and 23 in 2023, as is implied in the wiki. Which makes sense to me, because Branch is obviously older than her by at least a year. With my hc that Bruce and JD are only a year apart (again, in compliance with the wikia that claims JD was a teenager in 1999 and therefore not 20 like i want him to be. and making the "heart throb" not a minor bc thats weird to me) the moment where Poppy calls JD the "old one" but later fawns over Bruce is made extra funny when the two of them are so close in age.

But i want to say for the millionth time so nobody gets confused bc of all these numbers: I THINK BAND TOGETHER TAKES PLACE IN 2019!!! not 2023. And don't even ask about how the first movie truly fits into this, I DONT KNOW, they definitely did not fully think through a trilogy in 2016. Some things are just a product of when they came out and thats ok.

[musicoftheheart]

following the events in this post ive been listening to a few noah kahan songs (ive been picking and choosing a bit tbh, mostly the ones i recognise the titles of as well as a couple others) and heres what ive got:

(note: some of these opinions are based more on an unreleased wip i have, because some of these songs fit just a bit too well w it)

the view between villages - remus, obviously. this was an opinion i saw a lot on tiktok a while ago, and therefore this was one of the few songs of his id already heard. its so incredibly remus that i cant even try imagining anyone else.

homesick - its giving regulus tbh. i could maybe see sirius, to an extent, but i cant assign it to anyone else wholly but regulus.

northern attitude - sirius. 10000% sirius. i feel like i shouldnt even need to explain it, its just sirius.

stick season - look, okay. i know—i know—people have claimed this for wolfstar. i know. but i just hear regulus. i will explain if need be but its just... its regulus. im sorry but it is.

call your mom - this is one where context from the wip mentioned above would be useful, but spoilers, so all ill say is: sirius to james. the part of the fic im thinking of was originally inspired by forever winter by taylor swift but i actually think call your mom fits what ive written for it so far even better. thats all ill say. (yall know i love giving jamie issues <3)

fear of water - definitely regulus near the start of jegulus. it just makes sense in my head and its all i can think. admittedly, i did decide to listen to this one because my first thought was regulus and the cave because i cant see anything to do with water without thinking of him, but the song itself is 100% early jegulus from reg's pov.

dial drunk - regulus, again. yeah ik i talk about him a lot but ITS REGULUS. and the person hes calling is definitely sirius :( again im kind of relating this to part of the wip above, so maybe i have bias, but this song is regulus. it just is.

i didnt end up listening to many others because i wanted to listen to a pokemon podcast i was part way through yesterday so this is all ive got for rn

[silver-hwaberry]

FIFTEEN: traditional first date

Warnings: swearing, brief suggestive (oral f receiving)

Word Count: 10.4k (sorry, it's a long one!)

Taglist: @kiwibaekie @fudgeflyssworld @kodzukein @elk-1998 @khjcoo @pepperony-7 @ateez-babygirl @starillusion13 @stephy-nicole13 @truthbehindthereflection @livingdeadlisa @stayteezdreams @atinyapple1117

I wake up with a start as a thudding noise comes from beside me. The top half of my body bolts upright and my eyes open wide as I look in the direction the noise came from. I see a rather scared looking Hongjoong right beside me, staring back at me, his eyes as wide as mine probably are right now.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up or give you a fright!” he says quietly

“It is ok Hongjoong.” I reply, running a hand through my hair as my other goes to my chest. I can feel my heart racing through my skin.

He leans down and picks up his laptop from the floor. I am assuming he must have dropped it and that made the noise that woke me up. I glance over at the clock on the wall and squint my eyes to see the time - 8.49am. I realise my 6am alarm did not wake me up and I look around for my phone, then remember that I had left it in my bedroom last night before I came upstairs. I hope it didn’t wake up the guys on the 2nd floor, especially San whose bedroom is above mine.

I look down beside me to see Seonghwa is fast asleep. He looks so peaceful. “I hope it is ok that I slept in here. Seonghwa insisted it was.” I say, looking back at Hongjoong. Although Wooyoung had already told me it was ok for me to sleep in the shared rooms, I was still a bit on edge. I didn’t want to make the other person feel uncomfortable in their private space. And both times I have slept in these rooms, the other person wasn’t there and therefore had no choice to sleep in the room with me in there.

“Of course it is Luna. I don’t mind at all.” He smiles softly, but I can see something in his eyes that said the opposite. His face looks awkward as he turns away from me and walks over to his bed.

“Wait, are you going to the studio?” I ask as I see him pick up the bag he always takes to work.

“Er.. yeah.” He replies, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“You are off work! It’s bad enough you went in last night after performing all day and then the fansigns and calls afterwards. I know you didn’t get home until at least 3am too!” I knew it was after 3am because I had woken up in the middle of the night to use the toilet and saw he wasn’t back yet.

“Actually, it was closer to 5am.” he says sheepishly, avoiding looking at me.

“Hongjoong!” I scold lightly, standing up from the bed. “You are going home today, so why are you going to the studio?”

“I am not leaving until 3pm, so I can easily fit in a couple of hours at the studio. I am working on the new Japanese song and I cannot get it to sound right. It is really bugging me and I won’t be able to relax if I don’t fix it. I know I can do it before I go home and it will mean I can fully relax on my time off because I know all my work is done,” he says. “I will be back here at 2pm!”

“You better relax, mister!!” I say. “If I find out you did any work when you go home, I will not be happy with you!” I add, as he laughs.

“What will you do?” He asks, stepping closer to me, his hands reaching for my waist.

“Hmmm, I’d definitely have to punish you.” I reply as he pulls me into his body, his hands staying fixed on either side of my body.

“Maybe I’d like to be punished.” He grins and I feel my tummy flip.

“I don’t think you’d like my idea of a punishment, though.” I say, placing my hands on his shoulders.

“and what would that entail?”

“Lots and lots and lots of English homework!” I raise an eyebrow at him as he bursts into laughter. “Maybe even make you speak only English for an entire day as well.”

“Oh, you have an evil streak in you!” He laughs, his hands snaking around my waist.

“I certainly do.” I grin as he pulls me into his body. “So don’t let my big innocent eyes fool you!”

“I better not get on your bad side then.” He says, the corner of his mouth curling into a smirk. The one he is well known for on stage. The one that, hopefully unknowingly to him, can turn me into putty in an instant. My eyes fall down to his lips as they move towards mine and just as they touch, a loud groan comes from behind us. Hongjoong pulls his head back and steps backwards, letting go of me as we turn to see Seonghwa rolling over in his bed and stretching. “I should go.” Hongjoong says softly.

I watch as he continues to collect his things as Seonghwa sits up in bed. My eyes return to Seonghwa as he looks up at me with one eye open and his hair sticking up in every direction, pushing his body back to lean slightly upright against the headboard and pillows. “Morning Luna.” he smiles lazily at me, his voice deep and crackly from sleep.

“Good morning.” I say to him as I sit back on the bed beside him, his head falling onto my shoulder, making me smile more.

“I will see you two later on.” Hongjoong says to us. “I promise I will be back at 2pm and will leave all my work in the studio too!” he directs at me as I go to open my mouth. He knows me well already, as I was literally about to say to him to make sure he comes home in time before he has to leave for home so he isn’t rushing. “Bye!” he adds, putting his bag over his shoulder

“See ya Hongjoong.” Seonghwa yawns, waving at him. “Were you telling him off for overworking before I woke up?” he asks me when the bedroom door closes

“Why do you think that?” I ask, turning my body to face him.

“He looked scared when he said he would be back at 2pm.” he laughs as do I

“Am I that scary?” I ask.

“Put it this way, I’ve never seen him look like that in all the years I’ve known him. Well, only when we were trainees and with management sometimes.”

“I don’t want to be scary!” I pout playfully, putting on my innocent eyes. Seonghwa suddenly grabs my hips and pulls me down into a lying position, eliciting a tiny yelp in surprise to escape me, then a laugh as his body hovers over mine.

“You don’t scare me.” He smirks, leaning down to kiss me.

“No!! I have morning breath!” I giggle covering my mouth before our lips could connect.

“So do I! I don’t care,” he says, removing my hand and placing his lips on mine. “Now, if you don’t mind, I am very hungry.”

“Want me to make you pancakes for breakfast?” I ask as he kisses my neck.

“Not the hunger I am talking about!” He smirks before moving lower

“Seonghwa!!” I gasp in shock as his hands pull my pj bottoms and underwear off on one swift yet smooth movement. His head disappears under the covers, as I can only laugh at his actions. My giggles soon stop, replaced by a small moan, as he doesn’t waste any time getting to work. “Oh god…” I moan again, my head falling back onto the pillow behind me. “Seonghwa!” and I hope to god that everyone else is still asleep!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

After Seonghwa gave me 2 orgasms with his tongue alone, we finally got out of bed and I made him the pancakes I had offered earlier. Thankfully, everyone was still asleep, or at least still in their bedrooms, so I hoped that none of them heard me as I was struggling to keep quiet. Completely forgetting that Wooyoung and Yeosang were in the room beside us and Jongho was down the corridor. So yeah, hoping hard they were fast asleep!

After breakfast, I went for a shower in my room and started getting ready for my afternoon date with Yeosang. Every time I think of it, my stomach flips. I am very intrigued by where he was taking me, but I also was looking forward to spending some time alone with him. The other night on the sofa was the longest we’d spent, but also going to sleep with him cuddling me and waking up to him wrapped around my body was nice.

I look into my full-length mirror as I put my earrings in. Outside my room door, I can hear people talking and laughing. I hear a small knock at my door as I put the other earring in. I say to come in, looking at the door through my mirror to see who it is. I smile as I see Wooyoung head pop in.

He looks so cute with his hair in its naturally wavy state, with some of it pulled back into a small ponytail. I love it that way, but I’ll tell none of them how weak in the knees those ponytails make me when they wear them. Last week Hongjoong wore one for a performance and I swear I needed a cold shower at that moment. If Wooyoung knew how they made me feel, I know it would be a massive source of teasing from him and the man teases me enough daily!

At home, it is not unusual to see them with their long hair tied back, especially when they’ve been at the gym or just got home from practice! Seeing them with wavy and curly hair as well makes me feel less self conscious of my own naturally curly hair too.

“You look beautiful!” He says coming into the room and closing the door.

“You aren’t just saying that?” I ask, giving myself a final look in the mirror smoothing my skirt down before turning to face him.

“Absolutely not! Yeosang is a very lucky man.” He smiles, his head tilting slightly to the side. “I’ve never seen you wear a skirt either! I like it… a lot!” His smile turns into a cheeky grin as he wiggles his eyebrows playfully.

“He said it was casual, but cute and as you already know that to me, casual is hoodies, baggy jeans, oversized T-shirts, sweats. Basically tomboy to the max!” I laugh softly as he chuckles, sitting on the chair at my desk. Yunho had given me his spare gaming chair to use while Hongjoong looked for one I wanted. “So I hope this is ok,” I add, looking down at my outfit of a blue knitted vest top over a white T-shirt with a black skirt and black knee-high socks.

I place my hands on my hips and let out a small sigh, as I am really unsure. I hate how I am second guessing what I wear on dates with them. I’ve never done it before. I have always had the attitude that if my date does not like how I dress, then it is their problem. It isn’t anything the guys are doing either to make me feel this way. They always tell me how they like my style, that I look good in my clothes etc but I am putting pressure on myself to look good when I am out with them.

“Come here.” I hear Wooyoung say softly as he pulls me down to sit on his lap, his arms moving around my waist and placing a kiss on my shoulder. “Your outfit is perfect. You are perfect.”

“I am far from perfect!” I laugh lightly, one of my arms automatically wrapping around his shoulders while the other rests on top of his arms around my waist.

“You are pretty damn perfect to me!” he chuckles. “You are so small and cute, like a little doll! I just want to put you in my pocket and carry you around!”

“Small? We are nearly the same height!” I giggle

“Shush!” He pouts. “I am taller! You are my little doll!” I feel his arms tighten slightly as he playfully sways the chair from side to side. I lean forward to kiss his cheek, my lips connecting with the soft skin of his cheek and as I pull back, his head moves quickly forward to capture my lips. I kiss him back, my fingers holding onto the fabric of his hoodie around the back of his neck. The kiss deepens quickly and his breathing changes rapidly, just like the day before.

One of his hands moves from my waist down to my bare thigh and he squeezes the soft flesh before the same hand slips under my top. I feel his palm connect with my stomach and a little involuntary moan escapes my mouth. “Sorry.” He says, suddenly pulling away from me.

“Why?” I ask, feeling confused at the sudden gap between us as he covers his mouth with his hand. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” He says looking back at me, his eyes widen. The hand on his mouth moves to the back of his head and I can see he looks genuinely conflicted. “No Luna, you did nothing wrong. It was me! I shouldn’t have even kissed you.”

“What do you mean?” I ask as his hands move to my hips and lifts me off of him. I stumble slightly at suddenly being moved to my feet as he pushes himself off the seat. “Why shouldn’t you have kissed me?”

“I crossed a line and I am sorry,” he says, not looking at me. “I let myself get carried away and I shouldn’t have!”

“Wait!” I say loudly as he turns away from me and makes his way quickly to my bedroom door. However, I am quicker than him and make it to the door before he does. I stand in front of it to stop him from leaving. “What line?”

“Luna, I should go!” he says, his eyes looking anywhere but at me. “Today is Yeosangs day.”

“Wooyoung, look at me!” I say firmly, my eyebrows lower. His eyes reluctantly look into mine and I can see guilt in them. “What do you mean by ‘Yeosangs day’? and why are you saying you shouldn’t have kissed me?” I question.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you at all today because today is your day with Yeosang and his with you,” he replies

“And that means you can’t kiss me?” I ask as he nods his head slowly. I huff a little at this because I don’t understand it. “One rule between us all is no time sharing. Surely that means that just because I am going on a date with one of you doesn’t mean that I cannot be affectionate with someone else.”

“I just don’t want you to think that I am not being respectful to your relationship with the other guys,” he says softly

This causes me to pull him into my arms. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hold him as close to me as I can get. “I would never.” I whisper into his ear as I rest my head on his shoulder and my hands stroke his hair. “Woo, I love your kisses and your cuddles. I love when you are affectionate with me and I don’t want you to hold back with me if you don’t want to.” I lift my head to look at him. “I respect your feelings about this though and while I completely love that you are respectful towards my relationship with the others, I am also in a relationship with you, too. You are my boyfriend as well!” His eyes look into mine and I can see how conflicted he is. “Wooyoung, are you ok with our situation? Me being with the others and you?” I find myself asking.

“No!” he replies quickly, his eyes going wide. “I mean yes, I am ok!” he adds even quicker. “I m-meant no, that I-I am ok with you being with the others a-and myself.”

I can’t help to let out a small laugh at how flustered he is. I have never ever seen this side of him and I admit it; I like it because it is very rare he gets this way, but I am also not wanting him to feel this way either.

“I am just hyper aware of your relationships with the other guys and I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes or cause any form of disrespect,” he says calmly

“Wooyoung, I don’t think you could ever be disrespectful to me or anyone. Please don’t think that way!” I say, one of my hands moving to his cheek. “If you really don’t want to kiss me or be affectionate on days I have dates with the others, then I will respect your wishes, but I never expect you to hold back.”

Although we had sat down at the beginning of this and had a talk about basic rules and things I don’t want, it was never official and, to be perfectly honest, we were all still in an awkward place. Now it has been a few weeks, things are settling down and we are all getting comfortable around one another. Admittedly, Jongho is still a bit on the shy and awkward side in one-on-one situations with me. However, he is slowly getting used to being alone with me and I am happy that he is, so I am not forcing anything.

Nevertheless, I think we need to have another conversation. A more in-depth conversation about how people are feeling, especially on date days, as I don’t want to have any of them feel uneasy. I make a mental note to speak to Hongjoong about this when he comes back from his parents to arrange this. Wooyoungs lips capturing mine interrupt my thoughts. I automatically kiss him back as he pushes me against the back of my bedroom door, my head hitting off the peg my night gown hangs on.

“I am so sorry!” he says

“It’s fine!” I laugh.

“I made you hit the back of your head, though!” His hand rubs the area I hit. “Are you okay?” he tries to look at it but I pull his hand away

“I am fine! I have a very tough head!” I reply, kissing the back of his hand. “It’s like steel, so don’t worry!” I put his hand back on my waist where it had been before. “Now where were we?” I grin. I lean upward to capture his lips once more.

After a few hesitant kisses from him, he relaxes and we pick up right where we left off before my head bumped into the peg. I feel his hands move down to my ass, giving it a squeeze before pulling my body closer to his. Before I know it, he has lifted me up. My legs instinctively wrap around him as he pushes my body against the door again. A small whimper comes from my throat and my body stiffens slightly at the sudden action, but I can feel how secure I am in his arms and pinned between his body and the door. I know he won’t let me fall, so my body relaxes once more and I continue to kiss him.

“You drive me insane, jagiya.” He groans as his lips move from mine to my jawline and down to my neck. “You do not know how much.” His teeth skim the skin of my neck before he pulls his head back to look at me. His hair is now a mess from my hands, his lips red and swollen with a hint of my lipstick on them and his face flushed pink. He leans forward and gives me the sweetest kiss I’ve ever experienced. A stark contrast to the kisses seconds before, but I am not complaining. “I really need to stop now.” He whispers to me, his eyes gazing deeply into mine.

He is right; he needs to stop. We both do before we go too far. I nod and kiss his lips lightly. I feel his arms surround my waist, and I hold on to his shoulder securely as I unwrap my legs from his hips. He holds me steady as I put my feet back on the ground. I go to move away, but he leans down and kisses me sweetly again. “I need to go pack.” he says

“Are you seriously not packed? You leave in like 20 minutes!” I laugh.

“Hey, I am not Mr Organised like a certain person who lives in this house, but I am a fast packer and I always have everything I need. Rarely do I have to buy things on the other end,” he replies, laughing too as he kisses my forehead.

His arms let go of me and takes one step backwards to give me space. I reach over to wipe the remnants of my lipstick off his lips with my thumb as he smiles at me. I can’t help but smile back because his smile is infectious. It also makes my tummy flip when he does it to me. We could be in a crowded room, but when he smiles at me, it feels like we are the only two people in that space.

“When you come back, can you and I spend some time together? Just the two of us?” I ask him as I fix his messy hair.

“You don’t even need to ask that! Of course we can. I want you all to myself again!” he says, leaning across to place a little kiss on my lips. I go over to the mirror to check my hair and makeup and I find it still intact. Other than needing a bit of a top-up of lipstick, my makeup is untouched despite the heated kisses. “Before I forget, the main reason I came in here was San was asking for you to go to his room so he could say goodbye before his dad arrives to pick him up and Seonghwa.”

“Wait, Sans dad is picking them up?!” My head snaps back to him as he nods, “Fuck! I thought it was a manager!” I feel a bubble in my tummy knowing that Sans dad absolutely cannot see me.

“No, Sans dad always comes to pick him up when we get time off. Seonghwas hometown is on the way, so he always takes him as well. He would drive each of us home if he could!” Wooyoung laughs

“That is… actually really sweet he does that.” I smile as he opens my bedroom door.

“He is. Sans dad is like all our dads now. He is so nice. He texts us all regularly to see how we are and calls us as well. It’s easy to see where San gets his kindness and compassion from.”

In the lounge Mingi, Jongho and Seonghwa are playing a game on the ps5. Seonghwas bags are at the doorway to the hall so I can see he is ready to leave. All three are shouting and laughing at the tv screen. Wooyoung and I walk behind the sofa and I can’t resist touching Seonghwas head as we walk past. He turns his head to see who touched him, then smiles widely as he sees it was me. Jongho laughs even louder, causing his head to quickly look back at the screen to see Mingi has scored a goal against Seonghwas team. I hear Wooyoung chuckle and hold on to my hand as we make our way upstairs. When we get to the second floor, he gives me another kiss. “Enjoy your date with Yeosang and seeing your family, too. Make sure you rest as well!”

“I will as long as you do too when you go home!” I reply.

“Not a chance with Kyungmin around!” he laughs. “I don’t mind it, though. It is never a dull moment with him. I imagine your sisters are the same?”

“Oh yeah! Double the trouble as well!” I laugh too. “Now go pack! I’ll see you on Friday.”

“See ya!” he smiles, patting my head before going up the stairs to his own room. I turn and make my way to Sans. His door is already open, so I knock and pop my head in. San is zipping his suitcase.

“Hey sunshine!” he smiles, tilting his head to motion me into his room.

“Wooyoung said you wanted to see me.” I say, walking fully into the room as he lifts his case from the bed and sits it upright on the floor.

“Yeah, I wanted to say goodbye in private. Didn’t want to do it in front of the others because I’ll end up getting teased for it,” he replies.

“You don’t need to explain.” I smile at him as he comes over to me. He holds me close to him, taking a deep breath as if he is inhaling as much of my scent as possible.

“I am going to miss you,” he sighs, burying his face in my neck. “A lot.”

“You’ll be back in a couple of days, so just enjoy the time with your family and being at home.” I reply, stroking the back of his head. “But I’ll miss you too.” I whisper into his ear, causing him to chuckle lightly and his arms to tighten ever so slightly.

“When I come back, we will continue The Sound of Magic, so don’t watch any of it while I am gone!” he laughs

“As if I would!” I laugh back. “It is our little thing.”

“I like the fact you and I have a thing that’s just ours.” he smiles at me. “I can be a little bit selfish sometimes with you.”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I don’t mind sharing you with the others or spending time with you and everyone else at the same time. However, there are times I just want to keep you to myself and I love when we do.”

“I love it as well.” I say, looking up at him as his hand moves to my face, gently cupping my cheek. He tilts my head as he kisses me. I smile as I kiss him back. It is a soft and sweet kiss. Slow and controlled.

“Sorry to interrupt you two,” Seonghwa voice says softly, “but your dad is in the garage. He’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“It is ok hyung. Thanks for letting us know.” San says, pulling back from me.

“I’ll see you on Thursday, Luna.” Seonghwa smiles at me. We had already said our goodbyes after breakfast, but it was nice to see him again before he actually leaves.

“Bye.” I smile back at him before he leaves the room

“I don’t like this, leaving you. It just doesn’t feel right.” he sighs, his eyes looking into mine and they look so sad. I’ve never him look this way and I don’t like it.

“Hey honey, don’t think that way!” I say, touching his face. “You aren’t leaving me, and I am not going to be alone. I have Yeosang, Mingi and Jongho. I’ll be seeing my friends too and my family. However, if you want to talk, then just text me! Anytime of the day or night. I don’t care, I’ll message you back as soon as I see it. And you know me, my phone is usually in my hand!” I giggle.

“That is true!” he laughs, and it’s nice to hear him perking up again. From downstairs, we hear a lot of voices causing us both to look towards the partially closed door. “I guess that means my dad is here.”

“Go, I’ll stay up here until you are gone, so he doesn’t see me.” I say.

“I am sorry,” he says. “I want to introduce you so much, but I know I’ll end up calling you my girlfriend and Hongjoong has told us parents aren’t to know about you yet. Even if I didn’t say that, my dad would just ask questions about you on the drive home and he’d figure it out!”

“You do not need to explain at all! I completely understand. My mom is the same!” I smile, kissing his lips to reassure him. “Now go!”

“One more kiss!” he playfully pouts, bending down to be eye level with me and capturing my lips. It catches me off guard and causes me to laugh, but I kiss him back. This one is more intense. Not in a heated, sexual way though, more in an extension of his emotions way. “I better go before he comes up to my room.” He says as I nod. “I’ve taken the password off my computer. If you want to play any games on it with your friends, then you can use it. No arguments either! I don’t want you going to the internet cafes alone, especially at night!”

He definitely knows me well as that is exactly what I was planning the following day!

“I wasn’t even going to argue with you! It is pointless even trying.” I laugh. “Thank you for trusting me with your computer, though. Now, go!” I say, gently pushing him away from me to get him to move.

“Ok, I’ll text you when I arrive in Namhae. Enjoy your date with Yeosang this afternoon too,” he says, picking up his backpack and pulling his suitcase towards the door. “Bye!” he blows me a kiss before he disappears out the room.

I keep the smile on my face until I hear him go down the stairs and sit on his bed, sighing. I didn’t like this either. It was only a couple of days! I didn’t know why I was feeling this way about them going home. I hear San shout “Appa!” as he gets to the lounge, and it makes the smile return to my face again because I can hear the genuine excitement in his voice at seeing his dad.

As soon as I hear the apartment door close and it go quiet, I leave Sans bedroom. I make my way down the corridor towards the stairs, being quiet just in case they come back in. I lean over the bannister, trying to hear for any signs of life downstairs when a voice from above makes me jump. “What are you doing?” I look up to see Jongho looking down at me over the bannister on the 3rd floor. A massive smile appearing on his face.

“You scared me!” I whisper.

“Sorry. Why are we whispering?” he whispers back.

“I want to make sure that Seonghwa, San and his dad have definitely left before I go downstairs.” I answer, looking down at the 1st floor again.

“Ah right.” He says as I hear his footsteps on the stairs. “You know you can still go down there.” he slides beside me, looking down as well.

“What if one of them forgot something and they come back and Sans dad sees me, though?” I mumble, biting my lower lip.

“We just say you are giving me an English lesson! You don’t have to skulk in the shadows like this,” he replies, making me look at him. “Come on!” he pushes off the bannister and grabs my hand. I am so shocked by the sudden action that I don’t resist as he pulls me down the stairs with him. “I am on dish duty today and Hongjoong is already coming home from the studio. If they aren’t done when he gets back, I’ll get scolded.” He keeps a hold of my hand as we walk down the corridor towards the kitchen.

“I can help you with them.” I offer.

“Oh, hell no! This is my job to do, plus you are going on your date soon. But you could always supervise me?” he grins at me. “Make sure I am doing it correctly.” His eyebrows wiggle playfully, causing me to laugh and nod as he navigates me into the kitchen. Still holding my hand, he takes me over to one of the bar stools at the kitchen island and makes me sit down. “You can boss me from here,” he says, letting go of my hand and pulling the sleeves of his shirt up.

There weren’t many dishes to be washed, just a couple of plates, some cutlery and 2 mugs, so it didn’t take him long as we chatted comfortably during it. Like we do when the others are around, except it was just the two of us. It felt like a very good step in the right direction for us.

“Are you seeing your parents tomorrow?” he asks, sitting beside me after he has put the last dry dish into the cupboard

“No, their flight arrives pretty late and they’ll be going straight to their apartment rental. It is a direct flight to Seoul from London so there are no change overs. The girls will be tired from the flight. It usually really tires them out and all 4 of them just crash out when they get to the apartment.” I answer

“It is a long flight from London.” he nods

“I’ll see them on Wednesday though, as we are going to have lunch with my uncle and his family.” I answer.

“Big family reunion! Sounds nice.” he smiles.

“It will be chaotic and noisy… but really nice.” I smile back.

“Do you normally speak English with your family?” he asks

“Mostly. My parents speak mostly Korean when they visit though, but the twins aren’t as fluent as my parents and I are. So we speak a mixture of both for them when they come.”

“They are still young,” he says, “And Korean is a hard language to learn if you weren’t born here. Even I still get things mixed up! I am sorry to ask you this, but are their names Soojin and Hyejin?” he asks hesitantly. “I don’t want you to think I don’t listen to you, but you only said their names once on the first night you arrived here.”

“Don’t apologise! That was a while ago I said that. Yes, Hyejin is the older twin, while Soojin is the younger one. They are fully identical too.” I answer, pulling out my phone to show him a photo of them. He moves closer to me and I can feel his body heat as our shoulders touch.

“Wow, they really are! They look like you as well!” he says, staring at the screen and smiling.

“People say that, but I can’t see it. I think they look more like my dad. Soojin is getting good at her Korean now. My dad says she is a mini me with her learning, while Hyejin is just a free spirit.” I laugh. “No one can tell her what to do. If she doesn’t want to do it, she won’t.”

“Is Hyejin the troublemaker twin?” he asks as he rests his elbow on the counter in front of us and subtly moves closer

“Oh no, they are both little troublemakers. Never underestimate their innocent faces! They are usually plotting something.” I say, “However, Hyejin is usually the one who thinks of the idea, while Soojin creates the perfect execution of said idea!” Jongho laughs loudly at this, causing me to laugh too. It is the first time I’ve made him laugh like this.

“They sound so funny!” he says, his eyes staring into mine in a way that makes my heart skip a beat. I feel one of his hands touch mine as his gaze briefly drops to my lips, then moves straight back to my eyes again, and he leans his head towards mine. I can feel his breath on my lips as they are just about to touch.

Suddenly the chime of the front door opening causes him to pull back quickly and stand up from his bar stool. He clears his throat and looks nervous as I sit upright. I feel like we have just been caught doing something we shouldn’t have. Hongjoong comes around the corner and smiles at us. “Ah Luna, you are still here. I was hoping to see you before I left.”

“I was just doing the dishes.” Jongho says rather loudly, causing both Hongjoong and I to look at him. His face is covered in guilt and I know he is feeling awkward over the little moment we just had. “I am going upstairs now,” he adds before leaving the room quickly without another word.

“Something wrong?” Hongjoong asks me as I stare at the doorway Jongho has just disappeared from.

“Not at all.” I shake my head, but inside I feel a little frustrated. This is the second time we’ve shared a moment that another member has unwittingly interrupted. “You wanted to see me?” I ask, looking back at him.

“Yeah, I just wanted to check if you’ll be okay while I am gone.” He says, “I know it is only for a couple of days and this is me fussing again which you hate, but I know I won’t relax if I don’t check first.”

“I’ll be fine!” I smile. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I know I don’t, but I can’t help it. I know it has only been a matter of weeks since you came into our lives, but I feel rather protective of you. I think we all feel that way.”

“I understand.” I nod. “I feel the same way about all of you. Which is why I am happy you are all finally getting to rest and see your families! So honestly, no need to worry about me at all!”

“Good! I should go double check my bags.” he smiles. “I’ll see you when I come back on Friday.” He leans down and kisses my cheek before leaving the room and run up the stairs to his bedroom.

I hear the doorbell chime, causing me to turn my head towards the doorway. Usually if someone comes to the apartment, they ring the video camera at the building entrance, but it didn’t go off. The only people who visit the apartment are the managers, and they usually just come in, so it is very unusual for the doorbell to go off. I hear someone jogging down the corridor and see Mingi go past the large doorway between the kitchen and the hallway. I hear the door opening and a soft chuckle coming from Mingi and some shuffling before the door closes.

“Luna, someone is at the door for you.” Mingi grins widely, coming into the kitchen.

No one knows I even live here! Who would be at the apartment to see me? I stand up from the bar stool, feeling really confused as Mingi just grins at me.

“Who is it?” I ask, feeling my chest tighten a bit. I can feel my nerves rising a bit at who it is.

“Just come here.” He tilts his head towards the direction of the front door.

Reluctantly, I move towards the doorway, but I stay close to Mingi as we go into the hallway. Instantly my chest loosens as I see Yeosang standing infront of the closed front door, holding a stunning bouquet full of pastel coloured flowers.

“I am here to pick you up for our date.” he smiles

“Smooth man!” I hear Mingi smile under his breath before he leaves us alone.

“What are you doing?” I break into a laugh and move towards him.

“I want it to be like a real date.” he says, kissing my cheek

He hands the bouquet to me and I smile even more, tilting my head to smell them. They are absolutely beautiful. “It is a real date!” I say, looking up at him.

“I mean, like if we were going on a first date in a traditional manner.” he replies

“What would a traditional first date with you be like?” I smell the flowers once more before I look back at him.

“I would pick you up from your home with flowers. I would drive us to our date, but today we have Myeonjin driving us.” he says, his hand delicately cupping my cheek. “Just because we live together doesn’t mean that I won’t be traditional and do things the way I would if we didn’t live together.”

I can feel my heart swell a little at this. It is so romantic.

“It is cheesy I know,” he mumbles, looking away, but I can see a red blush appear over his cheeks. I place the flower on the little bench at the door and put my hands on his face and gently move it back to look at me.

“It is not cheesy. Not in the slightest. I love it!” I whisper. “Does a traditional first date allow for a kiss right now?”

“Normally I would leave a kiss until the end of the date but we’ve already kissed… a lot!” he chuckles lightly, “So I say yes.”

I break into a grin as he leans down, but then stops just as our lips are about to connect.

“Just so you know Luna..” His lips ghost mine “…you may kiss me whenever you want...” My stomach flips as I feel his breath on my mouth and his brown eyes staring into mine. “…I don’t care if the other guys are there.” My heart literally skips a beat at his words and the way he is looking into my eyes. There is a hint of something in them, something nice, calming, and reassuring.

“Are you sure?” I ask him.

“I don’t want you to hold back and I don’t want to either anymore.” After what feels like an eternity, his lips brush against mine and I close my eyes, melting into the kiss. One hand on my waist as the hand on my cheek moves to the side of my neck. The affirmation of his words that I can openly show him affection now and no longer hold back makes my heart skip a beat.

“You look beautiful.” He smiles, resting his forehead on mine. “I love your outfit!”

“Is it casual yet cute worthy?” I ask.

“Very!” he chuckles, oh how his cute little laugh makes me smile. “And just so you know, you are always cute even in your pjs, glasses on, no makeup and your hair in a giant bun,” he whispers, “as you lounge on the sofa, wrapped up in your kuromi blanket, eating your little bowl of strawberries and watch your kdramas.”

“oh my god!” I laugh at the very idea of that image in my head even looking remotely cute.

“Are you ready to go?” he asks, pulling back from me, but keeping his hands on my waist.

“I just need to get my bag from my room and I am ready.” I reply.

“You go get your bag and I’ll put your flowers in the kitchen.” he smiles

I quickly make my way to my room, I grab my bag from the back of the door handle and check I have my usual essentials. Purse, brush, perfume, tinted lip balm, phone and epi-pen. I pull out the epi-pen to give it a once over. Something I have done for years. It is always good to make sure it is still in working order and not expired either, as a health care worker scared me with a story over someone’s failing when they needed it. Now whether that was true, I don’t know, but it definitely gave me the scare to always check them every week. I give myself a final look in the mirror, fixing the parting in my bangs, take a deep breath and say quietly, “You got this, no need to be nervous.” and leave my room.

Yeosang is already in the hallway again, waiting for me with a smile on his face. It is only now that I notice his own outfit. He dressed all in black and looks effortlessly stylish, like he always does. As usual, he helps me to put my shoes on. As we leave the apartment, I feel his hand slip into mine and holding it gently holds my hand as we make our way to the private garage underneath the building.

Myeonjin is already waiting by a black tinted SUVs. He goes to open the door as we approach, but Yeosang puts his hand up and gives a small shake of the head, opening the door himself and holding my hand as I get in. I smile as I do so before he closes the door and does a little jog around the other side to come in.

“So can I know where we are going now, or is it still a secret?” I ask as Myeonjin pulls out of the private garage.

“It is a little secluded cafe over in Gangnam.” Yeosang smiles

“And you said you’ve never been in?” I say.

“No, I’ve never had the time, but a couple of my friends have been and said it was good. I always knew it was somewhere I wanted to go with someone special,” he says, holding my hand. “And as much as I like our managers, I do not class them as someone special,” he whispers, glancing at Myeonjin in the drivers seat, who is bobbing his head to the song on the radio, completely unaware that Yeosang just called him someone not special. I can’t help but giggle at this and interlock our fingers. “Well, to me anyway,” he adds on laughing too.

“Well, I am very excited to see this cafe and even more to spend some time with you as well.” I reply.

“So am I.” he smiles, his free hand moving a part of my long bangs off my face.

As Myeonjin drives through the streets of Seoul, making his way over the Han River towards Gangnam, Yeosang and I talk between ourselves. The conversation flows so easily between us now, so much different from a couple of weeks ago when he could barely look me in the eye for longer than 30 seconds. Now he is holding eye contact, initiating physical contact, and it feels like he is fully relaxed.

“We will be there in 2 minutes.” Myeonjin says from the front seat, and Yeosang squeezes my hand before letting it go. He has held it the entire car ride from the apartment to Gangnam. He pulls out a hat from the pocket in front of his seat and puts it on. He passes me a black mask before putting one on, too.

“It is just procedure,” he says. “We can take them off when we get into the cafe.”

“Oh, I know.” I nod, taking the mask from him and putting it on as well. “It is broad daylight and you need to stay as anonymous as possible in a public place.”

“Sorry.” he says pulling my hand into his once more

“No apologising, I get it.” I smile. “I want to help protect you all too and to keep you safe, so I’ll do whatever I need to.”

“We all must have done something great in our past lives to deserve someone as amazing and understanding as you.” He replies, squeezing my hand. “We are very lucky.”

I am the lucky one, to be surrounded by these wonderful men who just want me to be happy. I am about to say this when the car slows down to a stop. Myeonjin gets out of the car first and speaks to a man dressed in black standing in a small alleyway. Out of context, it looks like some dodgy deal is happening, but I recognise the man as one of the security for the band. They are both nodding and Myeonjin looks over and gives Yeosang a hand signal.

“Stay here.” Yeosang smiles at me before letting go of my hand and getting out of the car. I wonder what’s going on, thinking the hand signal meant something was wrong until Yeosang goes to the other side and opens my door. He puts his hand out for me to hold and I feel myself smile again. “Lets go in.”

He really is being a gentleman on this date. It isn’t something I’ve ever experienced. My previous partners weren’t bad or horrible, it just wasn’t something they did. The way all 8 of them treat me, opening doors for me, checking that I’ve eaten, drank enough water, making sure nothing in my environment affects my allergies, even making sure there is always a supply of fresh strawberries in the apartment and at work for me.

Yeosang continues to hold my hand as we walk towards Myeonjin and the security guard, who, from what I can remember, is called Sohyun. “Everything is sorted inside,” the security guard says to Yeosang, walking ahead of us. The path is narrow and lined with lots of green foliage and mixed flowers. At the end of the stone path, I can see the cafe. It is very hidden and secluded and I wonder how Yeosang even discovered it when it is so hidden between the buildings and the nature.

“What does he mean ‘everything is sorted inside’?” I ask Yeosang quietly as we approach the door.

“We have the cafe to ourselves for a few hours. I wanted to make sure we could enjoy ourselves without fear of someone recognising me or taking photos. So Myeonjin hired out the cafe and Sohyun scoped out the place too, to make sure there aren’t any hidden cameras,” he replies, as my eyes go wide. “Don’t worry! This is all very normal when we go places like this.”

Sohyun opens the door for us as we walk in, and I see it is empty. Apart from 2 staff members are the counter who are busy working. “On dates, you mean?” I ask as Yeosang takes me over to a table by a large bay window that looks out into a small courtyard filled with plants and even some wildlife and pulls the seat out for me.

“Anywhere public that we just want to have privacy at,” he answers, sitting across from me. He takes his hat and face mask off as I do the same. “If the place is small enough, the company can sometimes hire the entire place, so it is only us or we can go into private areas in larger places.”

“That makes sense.” I nod, putting my bag on the empty seat beside me. “I can understand that. It is things that us normal people take for granted. Just being about to go out for a meal with friends without worrying.”

“But to answer your question - yes, dates too,” he says quietly. “Between our hectic trainee days, debuting, then our work schedules, we didn’t really have time for dates, though.”

“But you still got to go on dates, though?” I ask. “From what I understand, you guys didn’t have a dating ban.”

“We only had a ban during the trainee years, but we all found a way around it without the company, or Hongjoong finding out!” he laughs. I’ll bet! I can’t help but laugh as well at the thought of them going on sneaky dates behind Hongjoongs back while also reminding me when I used to sneak out the house to hang out with boys when I was a teenager. “I hope this is ok. I preordered an afternoon tea, but you can order anything you want from the menu!” he says.

“oh my gosh! I love afternoon teas!!” I gasp.

“Oh, that’s good!” he sighs lightly, smiling, and his face looks relieved. “I was so worried you would hate them and I had made a mistake.”

The 2 staff members bring over 3 tier trays filled with finger sandwiches, cakes, sweet treats, fruit. Everything you could imagine and it all looks so delicious! “Oh, wow!” I say once they have left. “Afternoon teas always remind me of my mom. She would take me to one or make one at home.” I smile as Yeosang pours some tea from a china teapot and moves the cup to me.

“Are you settling into the apartment okay?” he asks, opening a napkin

“I am. I won’t lie. It felt rather strange at first, especially after living alone for so long. I was, and still am, very aware that it is your home. The only place away from cameras that the 8 of you can be yourselves, and I didn’t want to impose on that place of privacy for you all.” I answer as he hands me a plate.

“It is your home as well now. A place that you can be yourself too,” he says.

“I know, and you’ve all made me feel so welcome. It is why I am feeling more at ease in the apartment now.” I say. “I enjoy living with you all. I didn’t realise how lonely I felt living alone before and how much I missed people! The dorms I lived in for uni were such a social place, a lot of fun times.”

“I found it hard living in dorms when I first moved to Seoul. It is hardly a secret that I am not the most social person. I was even more quiet when I was younger,” he says as I nod to let him know he has my full attention. “Too used to living with just my parents and sister to being a dorm in a new city with lots of people I didn’t know. I was on the verge of giving up and just going back home.”

“What made you stay?” I ask.

“Wooyoung!” he chuckles. “Things got easier when we became friends. I didn’t feel as lost or alone. He looked out for me and helped me get to know the other trainees. It was a hard decision to leave the company I was with to go to KQ and a massive risk too, but when Wooyoung followed me, risking his own career to be with me, it showed me what true friendship was.”

Hearing Yeosang speak to openly about life as a trainee, his friendship with Wooyoung and his move to KQ makes my heart warm. He is a very private person, I’ve known that before I even accepted the job and I know it isn’t easy for him to be so open with his feelings but here he is, telling me such ease as we spend the next 3 hours just enjoy the food and drinks, and talking easily to one another.

When it is time to leave, Yeosang asks me if there are any cakes I want to take home for later on. “We should get something for Mingi and Jongho too. I know Jongho doesn’t like sweet foods, but I am sure there is something he’d like.” I suggest as Yeosang nods. We go over to the counter and pick a selection of treats. I take out my purse to pay for them, but Yeosang waves his hand at me. “This was my idea to get a selection of treats, so let me pay for it!” I protest as he pulls his card out of his wallet.

“Absolutely not! This is still a part of the date, so I’ll pay!” he says, handing the card over.

“Fine!” I sigh, putting my purse back in my bag. “However, I will pay next time!”

Yeosang nods, but I can tell it is a ‘yeah ok then, just try it!’ nod rather than a ‘of course you can pay next time’ nod. Yeosang puts his hat back on and we put our face masks on, then head back to the car. It is raining lightly now, so we walk quickly since neither of us has coats on as Sohyun opens the car door. Yeosang lets me get in first and I shuffle along to the other seat to let him in. Myeonjin is already in the drivers seat and it isn’t long before we are pulling into the private garage.

As we walk into the apartment, it feels so quiet. Knowing over half the guys were now gone felt bizarre. I am thankful that Yeosang, Mingi and Jongho were staying. It would have felt weird being completely alone in the apartment.

“Thank you for the date.” I say to Yeosang. “I had a really good time with you.”

“I am glad. Thank you for accepting the date.” He smiles.

“So it’s the end of the date. How does traditional date Yeosang handle this part?” I grin at him.

“I would make sure you have arrived safely at your home.” He says, pulling me towards him. “If it felt right, I would ask for a second date.”

“And are you going to?” I ask.

“Do you want me to?” he teases, his hands move from my waist down to my butt, holding me closer to his body

“Yeosang!” I whine, pouting as he chuckles

“I’d take you on a thousand dates if I could!” he whispers, kissing me.

In an instant, he has me trapped between the wall and his body as his kisses deepen. Being in this position with him in the alcove at the front door to the apartment is becoming a very regular thing now.

I can feel him getting turned on as we kiss and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling the same way. A small moan escapes him before he pulls his lips away, panting as he tries to regain his breathing.

“Are you ok?” I ask, moving a hand to his face as I feel his entire body shake lightly.

“Luna, I don’t want to make you think I don’t want to continue, because I do. I really do!” he sighs, lightly resting his forehead against mine. “I just… I’m… Sorry!”

“It is ok! Don’t apologise!” I kiss him lightly. “If you want to take things slowly, we will.”

“It isn’t about taking it slowly. I don’t want anything to happen that could ruin the night or make you regret anything. It has been such a perfect day with you and I am just worried.”

I feel a small pain in my chest at hearing him say he is worried and honestly, there is nothing I could do with him I would regret, but he needs to be 100% happy too.

“Then let’s have a relaxing night. No pressure, no expectations and definitely no worrying!” I say. “I don’t want you to feel that way, not with me. Ok?” he nods in reply.

His arms suddenly envelope around my body, tucking me into his. I smile as I rest my head on his collarbones. “Thank you,” he says, kissing the top of my head. We stay like this for who knows how long, both of us just enjoying the moment together, in one another’s arms.

“Oh, I didn’t know you two were back home.” Jonghos voice comes from the other end of the hall at the doorway of the utility room.

“We just got back a few minutes ago.” Yeosang says.

“Mingi and I were just about to have a movie night, if you two want to join us?” Jongho asks, “Unless you two already have plans!” he adds, his ears turning a shade of red and it is clear to see what he is meaning

“We don’t.” Yeosang smiles down at me. “Give us 10 minutes to get changed?”

“Perfect. I am making popcorn anyway and Mingi is down at the store getting some more snacks.” Jongho smiles before going into the kitchen. Yeosang gives me another kiss before we head to our bedrooms to get changed into our pjs.

20 minutes later, the 4 of us are on the sofa, the treats we got from the cafe and the snacks Mingi got laid out on the coffee table in front of us, giant bowls of freshly made popcorn, and trying to pick a movie. Yeosang shuffles behind me while Mingi is on our right scrolling the tv with Jongho stretches out on the other corner of the sofa.

“You guys pick whatever you want.” I say when Mingi asks me to pick.

“We can never decide, though.” Jongho laughs as I feel Yeosangs arms snake around my waist, pulling me to sit between his legs. “You need to be the deciding vote! What you say goes.”

“How about we do a blind pick? Close our eyes, Mingi scrolls on the remote, we count to 5 and whatever movie it stops on, we watch?” I suggest leaning into Yeosang, his chest pressed against my back and his legs on either side of my hips.

“Thats actually a good idea!” Mingi says as Jongho nods

As we all close our eyes, I feel Yeosang place a kiss on my cheek, causing me to smile and reach behind me to touch his face. “1, 2, 3, 4, 5!” Mingis voice shouts, causing us all to laugh and we open our eyes to see the highlighted movie is Frozen 2 prompting Mingi to sing Into the Unknown as Jongho covers his ears. I look back at Yeosang and to see him smiling down at me.

“Thank you,” he whispers into my ear

“For what?” I ask.

“Being you and accepting me… accepting us, and our insane lifestyle.” He replies.

I literally feel my heart skip a beat at his words as he leans forward to place a kiss on my lips and for the first time in a long time, I feel content and stable. Although only Hongjoong was aware of my bipolar so far, the others had accepted me and I knew I would need to tell them soon. As our lips part, I twist my body slightly to lie on my side, still secure in his arms so I can cuddle into him better. I look over at Mingi and Jongho as the movie begins, and I cannot help but smile. As much as I already miss the others, I feel so happy in this moment with the 3 of them, and incredibly lucky too.

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

I've been looking at all the MVs and decided to compile every explicit reference to the Milgram prison I could find in them, see if there's any pattern. Don't really know how meaningful it is but I find it interesting. Also, keep in mind it's very possible I'll miss some stuff, and I'll only point out visual references, not lyrics. (And also not the credits in all the videos, they all say Milgram obviously)

Undercover - Just the entire video, I don't think I need to add any examples. I'm not really going to take it into account for this, but it has all the references you could think of.

Weakness - Milgram logo on a perfume (?) bottle, at the beginning. Funnily enough, this is the only instance I could find of the logo itself beyond Undercover and the Es cameo in Backdraft. EDIT: Wrong, it’s also in Bring it On.

Umbilical - Song name + cover song (Sticky Bug) thumbnail in the background. The song name shows up in other scenes as well, but I won't put anything redundant here.

Bring it On - Song name, Milgram name drop, prisoner number. EDIT: And the logo on the upper left corner of the phone.

After Pain - N/A

Throw Down - N/A

Ai Nan Desu Yo - Song + Milgram name drop on the magazine pages (in the image Milgram is name dropped to the right of Mahiru's picture)

half - N/A

Magic - "Produced by Milgram" in the credits (in Hiragana). This is the only time Milgram is written in Japanese.

MeMe - "Milgram [...] card" is written in Milgram runes in the tarot cards. I don't know what the middle word is, but it's not tarot. This is the only time apart from Undercover where 'Milgram' is written in runes.

Harrow - N/A

AKAA - N/A

Tear Drop - Song name drop + cover (Vampire) thumbnail in the background. Also Umbilical name drop because of the 'umbilical' skirt, making it the only video to visually reference the previous song title. Yuno is the only character to have a reference to her cover songs in the main MVs, and she has it in both.

Backdraft - Prisoner + Es cameos, the latter implying the Milgram logo and runes also show up. The QR code in all the spray paint cans leads to the Judge website. There's also Milgram runes in the spray paint cans translating to "Pressure."

(Also noticing now the only prisoner whose entire prisoner tag can be seen in the graffiti, and therefore their prisoner number, is Amane. 0308 nation we stay winning)

It's Not my Fault - N/A

Triage - QR codes that I assume lead to the Judge website, but I can't easily check because there's no clear shot of them. Also Milgram runes in the graves.

I Love You - N/A

Cat - Milgram + song name drop + prisoner number in several spots.

The Purge March - N/A, sort of, since at one point March Leader Amane's shadow is framed to sorta look like Es, but nothing else.

If you want me to come to any conclusions, I'd say anything branded "Milgram" shows a degree of separation with reality, implying Milgram is more involved in bringing it to light than more direct memories. Fuuta's videogame, Mahiru's magazine, Magic and Cat as a whole, Mikoto's highly abstract and symbolic tarot cards. This is what separates, for example, Bring it On's title screen from Tear Drop's; Yuno's perception of reality is a bit more grounded than Fuuta's was in the first Trial. Meanwhile, the name "Milgram" doesn't show up in Backdraft (apart from possibly in Amane's tag), because Fuuta is a bit more realistic there, for example representing Killcheroy more like childishly than in Bring it On.

As for the other stuff, it's quite interesting Yuno is the only one to reference her covers, which can be interpreted in a few different ways. She's shown to be quite intelligent when it comes to some of the more supernatural elements of Milgram (see: "Am I really alive?"), so maybe that's hinting at some sort of higher awareness? Kind of? Sort of? Who knows.

Backdraft is the only video to show the other prisoners (more explicitly than Triage's "extract that fang" line), as well as Es. This fits Fuuta being highly concerned with others' perceptions of him, making him quite prone to peer pressure.

Muu is the only prisoner to have no reference to Milgram in either of her MVs so far, though Kotoko might join her when Deep Cover releases. Take that as you will, I don't know enough about Muu to come to a definitive conclusion.

Don't really know what to do about the QR codes. I guess Fuuta and Shidou both have asked for specific verdicts, but they're not the only ones, so.

Also don't know what else to do with most of this, this was more to put the observation out there. Take care!

[beautifulfuckup99]

Hello!

Hope your having a wonderful day! I just got done reading "Those Damn Eyes" and "Those Damn Lips" that I was wondering if I could request a Yoongi x f!reader? Maybe they become roommates then to friends then to lovers? Or maybe Yoongi is working on his Solo stuff that the reader feels neglected in a way and needs comfort. I have so many Yoongie ideas that they could go on. 😅 but I love your work and can't wait to read more! Have a good day!

And I will happily take on any Yoongi ideas. Trust that, lol. This will be a part 3 of "Those Damn Eyes". It's like ya'll want this as a series... **Wink, Wink**

Title: Those Damn Hands

Warning(s): SMUT! (Obviously...), Strong Language, Talks of Neglect, and Talks of Abandonment Issues... Some Hurt/Comfort for ya!

Author's Note: Enjoy!

*********************************

Your eyes were unblinking.

Unmoving.

You were focused, completely tuned in to the way those slender fingers wrapped around the other hand of some random gentlemen.

Those damn hands…

How handsome was your boyfriend tonight? You couldn’t focus on the hundreds of other people walking around this event. It wasn’t fair. Even when pissed off, your eyes stayed on him.

On those damn eyes. Those damn lips. And those fucking hands. The hands that had been used to create this amazing song playing at the moment over the loudspeakers stationed beside the DJ stand.

“Lyrical genius.” Your best friend Hobi says from next to you at the bar and you jump slightly. How long has he been there?

“What?” You ask after taking a deep enough breath, causing Hobi to laugh.

“That’s the talk around this party. Your boyfriend is a lyrical genius…” He explains and you hum. You were proud of your boyfriend at this moment. He’s earned that title. He lived for music. Yeah, he said his major was communications cause it was ‘realistic’, but you saw it in his eyes anytime inspiration struck, and that was always. He was made to make music.

“Well, glad he’s a genius in something…” You mutter as you down the rest of your drink, causing your friend to side eye you. “Don’t.” You sigh, knowing his look.

“If you’re pissed, you should confront him.” He says and you snort at the thought. And be one of those asshole girlfriends that turns a night sour cause they’re upset?

“Months. Five months straight of him being… A ghost in our apartment. How do I finally bring up my issues with that? Look around. He worked hard for tonight.” You shrug, but it was a bitter statement. You felt like you were living with a stranger, which only added to the stress of what would happen after next week.

“Face it, Hobi. Come next week, we’re graduating. Leaving this place. You’ve got that internship at that dance company for Broadway, Yoongi made his first record as a co-producer. We’re officially all… grown-ups.” You scrunch your nose as you watch your boyfriend continue to associate with others, a huge smile on the face that you haven’t gotten to look at for longer than five minutes here and there.

“Y/N, are you… What are you saying?” Hobi whispers and you straighten up.

“I’m tired. I… I’m gonna go. Don’t tell Yoongi. Let him… enjoy this night.” You say. You didn’t fit in here. You felt like you stuck out. Like it was clear to everyone who was better than who. You set your empty glass down and walk through the crowd, ignoring Hobi’s calls for you to come back. You just needed out…

*************************************

“Y/N?!” You hear as soon as the front door swings open. You sit up from the bath you’re soaking in and wait, knowing the frantic footsteps would lead to your bedroom and therefore your bathroom.

Just as expected, the bathroom door swings open and Yoongi is standing there, wet from the rain and gripping a bouquet of roses. You sigh softly. Flowers? Really?

“What are you-“ You’re cut off by his upset tone.

“Why didn’t you tell me they rejected you?” He asks and you wrap your arms around yourself slowly.

“I’m in the bath, Yoongi…” You try softly, but your bottom lip quivers. You didn’t want him finding out yet. But come next week, it’d all be obvious. You were denied an internship at your dream publishing company. And to add insult to injury, that was the same day Yoongi declared he needed to ‘focus’, and basically locked himself away from you for about five months.

“Nothing I haven’t seen before. What the hell, Y/N. You tell Hobi about you being rejected but not ME? Your BOYFRIEND?! I-“ You finally interrupt him, feeling angered by his anger.

“Because you weren’t here! You weren’t fucking here!” You scream and Yoongi pauses. “You left! Every night! Gone, in the studio, working on your stuff, and I… I understood. I… I didn’t wanna distract you, but… fuck, Yoongi!” You feel tears burn your eyes as the frustration pours out of you. Yoongi watches you with shame clear on his face. You sniffle a bit. “I didn’t wanna… stress you out.” You admit quietly and Yoongi frowns, walking over to the tub and kneeling down to get to your level.

“You should’ve come to me. Told me. I… I’m never too busy for you…” Yoongi says quietly, and you feel yourself start to let go of your grip on your feelings. You begin to cry, letting it out as he holds you tight to him. You grip his shirt, head going to the cork on his neck. He smelled so good. It felt so good. Being able to be held by him again. After months of barely interacting.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He whispers as he holds you. “Hey. That publishing company is gonna regret never hiring you. You’re the best damn thing out there, and you’re gonna find your own way...” He says as he holds you tighter.

“I feel like… Like I fell flat on my face…” You cry softly. Yoongi pulls back to wipe away your tears.

“I’ll help you up, Y/N. Always.” He nods and you look at him finally.

“You… You’re not gonna… leave me?” You ask quietly.

“Leave you? Why would I…-“ You cut him off.

“You’ve made it. You’re… making connections now. And… Here I am. With nothing figured out, nothing-“ He stops you.

“And you think I have shit figured out?!” He asks in shock.

“Yes! Yes, I think you do.” You say quickly like it was obvious.

“Then you don’t know me at all. Do you? Y/N I’m going with the flow every day. I don’t know about tomorrow or next week or next month. But… I do know the one thing I will always make sure is consistent… is you and I. Always.” He says quietly and you watch his eyes as they trail all along your face. You feel your cheeks heat up. You haven’t felt his heavy gaze on you in so long…

“Yoongi..” you whisper as he starts to lean in.

“No more talking…” he says quietly before his lips press against yours. Both of you letting out the pent-up sexual tension that had built up these past few months…

Without hesitation, Yoongi grabs your naked frame, lifting you from the bathtub. You gasp at the sense of cool air hitting your wet body. He carries you right over to the sink as you make quick work of his jacket.

“Off. Now.” You practically growl and Yoongi smirks.

“Someone’s a little-“ You cut him off.

“Fuck me. Now.” You order, practically begging. Yoongi moans softly at the order.

“Yes, ma’am…” He says quietly. “But… first...” He moves down on his knees in front of you and spreads your legs. “I’m starving…” He whispers before pushing his hair back from covering his eyes. You moan at the sight. “Spread them for me, baby. Show me where my tongue belongs...” He whispers.

You shiver at the statement and lean back against the mirror. You reach a hand down and spread your folds slowly as you pant with need. “Please. R-Right here…” You whisper as you tap your clit. Yoongi moans softly.

“Oh fuck…” He breathes out before leaning over to lap at your clit. You grip his head full of hair and waste no time in grinding against his tongue.

“Oh my… fuck. I-I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you...” You whine quietly as your head rolls back.

***********************************************

“Baby?” You ask quietly as you walk into Yoongi’s old bedroom that he had turned into his work room when you two became official. He shared your room with you now. Like a normal couple should.

“Hey. You’re up? I thought I left you passed out…” He teases and you hum, walking over to his desk that he was using to work on an instrumental with his laptop.

“Failed your job, big man. I’m up.” You tease back quietly as you softly push his chair back from his desk. He raises an eyebrow and smirks, pulling your bare body on to his lap. He was only in a pair of boxers.

“I can be up too. If you give me something to work with…” he jokes, and you hum as you rub his bare chest.

“I wanna feel it…” You whisper before reaching down to his boxers. Yoongi leans back in his chair as he watches you with dark eyes. You get his cock out and softly stroke the length, moaning softly as the tip twitches from the cool air.

You kiss him sweetly as you lift yourself a bit to slowly sit on his semi hard cock. “Oh… fuck. Good girl…” Yoongi groans softly as you sit fully on it, feeling how it begins to grow harder inside of you.

“Oh… oh… oh…” You moan as your breath hitches higher with every sound. You grind against him, making Yoongi’s eyes roll shut.

“You’re so fucking warm…” He growls lowly before he puts you right on his desk, bumping you against his laptop as he grabs your face to kiss you hotly. Your hands wrap around his neck fast as he wastes no time in fucking you yet again. The entire night had already been full of sexual euphoric pleasure, but now, after a two-hour Power Nap, you were ready to continue. Lots of loss time to make up for, ya know...

“Feels so good…” You whine as you lay back on his desk, making a mess of the papers and neither of you cared at this moment.

“You’re addicted…” Yoongi taunts quietly as he looks down at you, licking his bottom lip as he stares at you with hunger clear on his face.

“Like you aren’t...” You pant as you wrap your legs around his waist while he fucks you faster.

“I love you…” Yoongi shivers quietly as he hovers his face close to yours. You push his hair out of his face and stroke his cheek with your free hand as you try your best to look him in the eyes, but he’s hitting that spot just right.

“I’m gonna cum!” You cry out as you pump your hips against his faster, chasing you own orgasm.

“Awe… you’re pushing yourself on to me. How cute. You want it? Hm? You’re desperate for it, huh..” Yoongi taunts quietly as your eyes roll back. “So pretty…” he praises quietly as he reaches down to rub your already sensitive and swollen clit while he watches you in awe as you start to cum on his cock, pulling yourself off of it as your juices squirt out of you.

“Oh fuck. That’s so fucking good…” He moans at the sight before picking you up and carrying you off towards the bedroom. “You’re gonna do that again.” He states certainly as you moan quietly for more…

**************************************

The next morning, you wake up to Yoongi not in bed yet again. You sigh and head off to find him, throwing on a random shirt of his for the journey. You see him in the kitchen making breakfast and smile softly as you hop up on the counter.

“Morning…” he yawns at you, and you raise an eyebrow.

“Did I really tire you out?” You joke slightly, but there’s some worry in your voice that makes Yoongi smile.

“Yes. In the best way possible. But… I’ve been working on something.” He says. You pause in confusion until he motions for you to follow him, handing you your mug of coffee. You follow him to his studio room and see his laptop is open still.

“A new song?” You ask.

“A new beat.” He nods and hands over the headphones. You slowly put them on, and he presses play. A slow, R&B beat plays sensually from the laptop. You bob your head along to the beat until you hear it. The beat drops into a slightly faster tempo and faded in the background, you hear it. Your moans.

“Baby!” You squeal as Yoongi smiles, pleased with himself.

“I didn’t know till early this morning that the mic was still on when we… were going at it. But… sounds pretty good, right? I’ve got it labeled already...” he nods, and you see the label is: ‘Mrs. Min’. You pause and look at him in surprise. “Not yet. No ring on me. But… there will be. Soon.” He assures with a nod, and you hum.

“So. Until there is a ring on you… change that label…” You say simply, and he chuckles.

“Always challenging.” He teases softly before sighing. “Fine. No Mrs. Min until there’s a ring…” he nods as he wraps his arms around you.

“I can’t believe you’re using my… noises…” you mutter as you shake your head in disbelief. He chuckles.

“Y/N. No matter what,” he grabs your hands with his warm ones. You stare down at those damn hands with soft eyes. “I’ve got you. You’ll never fall on your face. As long as I’m around…” he says. You blush gently and he tilts your chin up to look at him.

“I love you.” You whisper sheepishly before kissing him tenderly, grabbing a hold of those damn hands.

The ones that would always keep you safe…

[blythelyunaware]

On the "terrible lyrics" discourse...

It's always interesting to me when, right before an album rollout, we have a subsect of swifties and/or simply bad-faith haters who immediately pan a new album by plucking out lyrics out of context. It seems that the curse of folkevermore will forever loom over any new album rollout because most people aren't...that bright? Folkevermore is brilliant for many reasons, not least of all because it was perfectly timed to fit the tone of the socio-cultural time it was released in. People ate it up because a). those albums were pandemic albums and b). they were written mostly in the "quill pen" style. For some reason, and perhaps this is due to a lack of wider reading, people associate "good lyrics" with flowery prose that is reliant heavily on lots of figurative language and "bad lyrics" as simple statements. And so anything that has been released post-folkevermore has been panned as a "step down" because people think Taylor Swift is only worth listening to when she releases music that people perceive, through stereotypes or general insufferableness, as artsier and therefore of more value.

I don't know if it's just a universally bad education system or maybe we don't read contemporary literature enough, but that's just not true. I love folklore so very much, and its most Keats-style 19th-century poet song, "The Lakes," is perhaps one of its weakest because it's trying too hard and some of it, frankly, makes no sense ("Tell me what are my Wordsworth" ???? Like we know that clunky-ass lyric was only put in there for a dumb ass poet reference). And then we have The Last Great American Dynasty, which contains fairly simple/ slightly kooky statements such as: "And in a feud with her neighbour, she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green." Which is way better at characterising the person in that story!!!

It was the same with the "sexy baby" lyric in Anti-Hero (IMO a very interesting lyric!). It's not about how many metaphors she can pack in or the number of stars or 2 AM dancing-in-the-rain or running-down-a-field-to-her-prince, or other fairytale motifs that makes her songs so good. It's her ability to tie a concept together or create a thread of shared ideas within an album. People are clowning on the whole "Charlie Puth being a bigger artist" because Charlie Puth isn't typically considered "high brow" and has released some pretty cringey stuff. But if you look deeper into the reason for why she included that in her song: it fits into the album conceit. The album visuals are very much dark academia, college prep, intellectuals etc. etc. This lyric is not so much about Charlie Puth as it is about her relationship dynamic with the person she is singing about. It's about how they had shared intellectual values around music. And that is the genius of Taylor Swift. She does not need to point a gigantic neon sign at a lyric saying "LOOK! LOOK! THIS IS A METAPHOR AND I AM VERY CLEVER AND YOU CAN FEEL CLEVER FOR GETTING IT!".

To end it all I would urge swifties to please read more and read widely. (I also realise just how pretentious and obnoxious I sound but hey, if we're gonna play into the aesthetic, why not?)