#or maybe X is just stuck seeing people like that forever since I doubt A would program in a way to uninstall it

[art-is-kayos]

x box got me thinking of the manager but like as an actual xbox

It is very possible in that at least one loop Angela has fucked with the cognition filter in X's head.

Alternatively:

[skyesdaisys]

Hi! Love your work, could you write a dick Grayson fanfic abt him and a quiet female reader warming up to each other (set between season 1 and 2)?

yes, of course!!!! god, i've wanted to write for titans on here so bad i just didn't have the inspo so thank you<333

—

talk to him

titans dick grayson x fem!reader

sunmary: you weren't exactly much of a people person. especially since you were 1 of 2 adults living in a huge tower in san francisco, watching over 3 kids you don't really talk to outside of training. and the only other adult being closed off so who knows what'll happen when he decides to talk to you out of no where

cw: not much, there's just some fluff with a teaspoon of angst because of communication issues (they both suck at small talk and beyond)

a/n: idc what anyone says about this show, it's given me so much comfort and a lot of fun and likable characters. so i'm so glad i can write for them as long as you guys send requests for them. as well as other characters from other shows like yellowjackets and etc. also i love dick grayson, even though he can be a bit annoying in this show (that i can admit) but he's hot so ajsjfndmfmf. also, i'm sorry it took sooooo long, writers block got to me badly these past few months, so i apologize if it's cringey and awkward. but i do give the benefit the doubt here because this story is suppose to be like that (also the fact i'm projecting my "bad at small talk" trait here). two grown adults that can't seem to have a normal conversation, like at all

after the trigon incident you were dragged in by circumstance, you were the only other adult to volunteer to help dick with... whatever he was doing. you didn't have any life to go back to anyways, and you made a connection to everyone else so why part ways and it be unlikely to see them again. sure, you weren't particularly close with the kids, but, what are you supposed to do in order to bond with them? so that left dick in titans tower, but he wasn't as much of a talker as you outside of training.

everyday for the past few weeks have been, eat, train, sleep, repeat on a loop, no 'how was your day' questions, because the days are always the same so there wasn't any point of asking. and you could tell the kids were getting bored of it, very fast, and you could not blame them. being stuck in a repeating pattern with nothing else happening started getting old after the first couple weeks. so, you didn't really know how long it would take til something changed, it couldn't be like this forever.

during this time, you admired the grayson from afar, he was attractive, what else could you say? you weren't an idiot. and you also were aware of his previous entanglements with kory and you didn't wanna be involved in that. and, well... you felt like a teenage girl having a crush on a guy who was going through some shit, so it was better not to bother him.

and not being much of a talker doesn't make the conversation about feelings be any better. like, maybe this was attraction and nothing more? you were aware of the difference between liking someone physically and liking them emotionally (specifically in a romantic sense). but even as you admired him, you learn things about him, paying attention to the little things. deep down, he cared for other people, if he didn't, he wouldn't have taken rachel in and helped her, and he wouldn't have done the same for gar or jason either. people just have their own way of showing their love and care.

but your admiring wasn't exactly subtle. rachel had noticed it when you were looking at dick from across the room, talking with jason. the roth wasn't sugarcoating anything when it came to this, "you keep staring, you're probably gonna be capable of shooting lazers from your eyes." and you knew she was joking around but she caught you by surprise, making you face the young girl. "why is it any of your business?"

"because it's kind of sad seeing you pine for him like this." she points out, "and also, gar and jason made a bet whether or not you'd confess. we have eyes, you know?" and she lightly bumped your shoulder with hers with a smile on her face, "and i'm sure dick feels the same way, though he's not very good of showing it."

"that is ridiculous." you shake your head, "one, i don't like him. not like that. i just think he's cool."

"are you sure about that?" the roth rose her eyebrow, "talk to him." but you were not moving from where you were so rachel decided to take matters into her own hands, she then gave you a push (a literal one) towards him, and now you couldn't run away. all you could say was, "hey..."

"hey." he responded. jason just stood there awkwardly in between the two of you, "okay, well uh—" he pretends to look at a watch that's not even on his wrist, "look at the time, i must be going." and he had immediately ran out of there before dick tried to stop him. there was an silent pause and you were trying to figure out what to say, but before you could, he asks, "do you want some coffee?" all you did was nod. after that, there was even more silence, you two haven't had a conversation that wasn't training related in like, a while. it just felt like you were both strangers who didn't know each other nor were you fond of one another.

"you're just as bad at small talk as i am, huh?" you finally had spoken up. and dick just shook his head, "i don't know what you're talking about, i know how to make small talk."

"oh really?" you rose up your eyebrow, "okay mr. 'i know how to make small talk', what do you wanna talk about? and please, don't let it be training related. because if i have to hear you talk about that one more time, my head is gonna explode." you tried to look irritated, but he could notice a small smile on your face. then he immediately went into the 'deep, emotional' stuff, "you never told me why you came here. you just did, and i'm surprised you stuck around as long as you have."

you answered it anyway, because why not, "well, it's not like i have anywhere else to go." you set down your drink, making direct eye contact at him, "besides, the second i got here, and realized how big this place is and i have my own room... what, did you expect me to pass it up?" and you ended up making him laugh, which was surprising, "what is so funny, i'm just being honest." you were unsure why he was laughing, so you just took a sip of your coffee. he explained, "your honesty is refreshing, that's all."

"really?" and he nodded as a reply. you just sighed, taking your coffee and leaving. it's not like you had anything else to talk about and just sitting there would make it more awkward, so you just left. does it make it any less weird? absolutely not.

you guys didn't talk much after in the next few days, up until you decided to play hero on solo when you see a woman getting mugged by this guy in a mask. it was like one of the many movie cliches that you see brought into reality.

too bad it didn't turn out like expected, where you got shot in the leg. thankfully, the kids were able to track you down and bring you to the infirmary, gar was trying his best to patch you up and rachel was there for emotional support. as for jason... there wasn't much else he can do than just stand watch, up until dick had walked in with a worried expression, and the three teens immediately rushed out of there as soon as he walked in the room. you could've left if you wanted too but, obviously you couldn't.

"jesus fuck, you could've gotten yourself killed, what were you thinking?" all of his emotions were being let out in that moment, it was the most emotion you've seen him express towards you in like... ever. yet you couldn't help but be a bit sarcastic, "yeah, keep yelling... it's not like i'm literally a few feet away from you or whatever."

dick sat on the edge of the bed and started to explain, "sorry, it's just... when i heard what happened, i didn't know how to feel, or express it correctly." he gently set his hand on your injured leg, softly, "just if anything happened to you, i—"

"i'm tougher than you think, grayson." you reassured him, and you noticed a tiny smile creeping up on his face.

"i know it's just... i don't wanna lose anyone else."

you lean up a bit to set your hand on his shoulder, "i'm not going anywhere, dick." you then stopped for a second as you come to realize, "and we just had a conversation that didn't involve small talk. maybe i should get myself hurt more often." you were obviously joking at that last part, but dick's reaction to it was priceless, "i'm kidding. you are just... not what i expected."

"the feeling is mutual."

a part of you wanted to kiss him, that it felt right, but another part was saying how the timing of it all wasn't. and maybe these feelings you're having are actually real. because now, there was something in your heart that was growing that wasn't just admiration, and it felt weird, but a good weird.

maybe when the timing is right, they'll get to it, but until then, your growing friendship in the moment is enough for now.

[xxsabitoxx]

Experience

Kishibe x Fem! Reader

Warnings: large age gap (reader is in her 20s but it’s unspecified) and Kishibe is 50, car sex, hand job, degrading, praising, smoking

A/N: this was meant to be a short 1-1.5k Drabble but it turned into a mini smut instead (my brain is weird so some of y’all may still consider this a Drabble or you may consider it a full fic… idk man) anywho here he is :)

Word count: 2.6k

“You… you can’t be serious, oneechan.” Denji was staring at you with an udon noodle hanging between his lips. You chuckled at Denji’s constant use of calling you “big sis” — Aki had reprimanded him forever ago about using formalities with you. You had told him senpai was far too much and that calling you oneechan was fine. Still, it made you chuckle that it was the only nickname he ever stuck too with no bribery needed. Aki still used the gum tactic to get Power and Denji to use the correct terms while addressing him.

“I am serious.” The smile never left your face, watching as Denji slurped his noodle the rest of the way. “But why? He’s so old! Hell he’s over half your age! Ain’t he like 50 or something? And you’re like 20-something? I doubt he can even get his dick hard!” You rolled your eyes, laughter bubbling in your chest as Denji’s clear shock at your crush on his mentor. You’d known Kishibe since you joined public safety a few years prior, having worked alongside Aki when it came to training under the man’s brutal regime.

“Oh I doubt that. Kishibe is a man of experience, he probably has over 30 years worth with women.” Denji still couldn’t see how that would appeal to you, if anything he thought it should be a turn off. “That’s 30 years of use. You’ll probably catch a disease.” At that you couldn’t help but snort, putting your cigarette to your lips and inhaling. “Just think about it for a second, Denji. Wouldn't you want a woman that knows what she’s doing? One that would know how to take care of you?”

“I mean yeah, but maybe a woman that’s only a couple years older than me. You’re going after a man that was well into adulthood by the time you were born.” You shook your head, finding it rather funny that Denji was seemingly peeved by this. “That’s real bold coming from you, Denji-kun.” The blonde quirked his eyebrow, eyeing you suspiciously as he went in for yet another helping. “You and your crush on Makima? The fact that she seems to reciprocate your advances? Kinda a similar situation… but mine is legal.”

You shrugged your shoulders, blowing the smoke you had inhaled. “Yah, whatever… go for your creepy old man then.” He stuck his tongue out as you rolled your eyes, a victorious smile still present on your lips. “No really…” he drawled softly “he’s right there.” You froze, head whipping around to the direction Denji had motioned to. Sure enough, Kishibe was sitting at the bar, a glass of whisky in front of him… typical. You turned back to Denji, utterly mortified. “You don’t think he heard us, do you?” The blonde shrugged, a shit eating grin creeping up his face.

“Denji!” You whisper yelled this time, face growing warm. “Huh?” He spoke a little louder than necessary “I don’t think he heard? What’s the big deal anyways? Ain’t you want him to know? So you can like…actually do something about ya crush?” He drawled loudly, enough to draw a few wandering eyes to your table. “N-not the point! Shut up!” You were snuffing out your cigarettes on the underside of the table seconds later, ready to make a quick escape before Kishibe could even notice you there.

The problem being, you knew your old mentor fairly well. It was more than likely that he was already aware of your presence. Not only that but you were nearly positive he’d probably heard you and Denji talking about him. You wouldn’t be able to escape him unless you put a conscious effort into sneaking out of here. Even then, he’d find a way to corner you and ask you what the hell was going on. “Eh, whatever oneechan… at least I have the guts to go for the people I like.” Now you knew you were done for.

If Denji was going to make this a game of confidence, you’d have to do your “big sister” duties and simply one up him. “You’re a pain in my ass.” You scoffed, watching the grin return to the blonde’s face as you pushed your chair out. “You can thank me later.” Was all he said, returning to his udon as you made your way to the bar. “Captain Kishibe.” You fought to keep your voice steady. Kishibe turned to look at you, the usual stoic expression on his face.

“Come to talk to the creepy old man sitting alone at the bar?” He chimed softly, watching your face morph into embarrassment as he confirmed your biggest fear. He heard everything you and Denji had said. “Blame blondey over there for that nickname. Guessing that if you heard what Denji had to say you also heard what I had to say.” Your arms clasped behind your back, fidgeting with your fingers nervously as you waited for him to speak.

Kishibe swirled his glass around, watching the amber liquid slosh before he brought it to his lips and downed the rest. “Oh, I did. Not that I’m shocked… you’re far more transparent with your emotions than you think you are, y/n.” You could have melted on the spot, seeped straight into the floorboards and disappeared forever. Instead, you shifted your weight from foot to foot, willing yourself to grow some confidence and test the waters. It didn’t seem he was necessarily shutting you down just yet.

“Well… I guess this was a pretty lame ass way of saying I have a thing for my old mentor.” Kishibe leaned back, eyes shutting briefly as he inhaled through his nose. “You’re just looking for someone to show you a good time. Tell me, have you ever actually enjoyed any of the men you’ve slept with?” His eyes opened and he turned to face you fully now, tapping the wooden top of the bar twice to signal that he was ready to pay his tab. “Truthfully, no.” A breathy chuckle left him, one that sent shivers down your spine.

“I see. I guess that would make it my duty, Hmm? Your old mentor has to show you the ropes… show you the good from the bad. A private lesson, if you would.” You didn’t quite know how to react, your brain working in overdrive to try and process the words he had just spoken. “S-so you’re saying you’ll…” you flinched at your own stutter, watching Kishibe eye you carefully. “That I’ll show you how a man properly satisfies a lady? Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying, Sugar.” Your heart jumped at the nickname.

You found it hard to speak, instead you kept your mouth shut and watched your old mentor pay his tab before grabbing his coat off the back of his chair. “I paid for the fool’s meal as well as yours, he’ll get home on his own just fine. Let’s go.” Kishibe was heading towards the door, you waited till he was facing away to shoot Denji a look. The blonde seemed a bit awestruck that you were already leaving with him, you just shrugged as you left. You’d probably have to apologize the next time you saw him.

Before you knew it you were slipping into the passenger side of Kishibe’s car, thanking him softly for opening and closing the door for you. He slipped on the other side a moment later, turning the key so the engine roared to life. “I didn’t think you were the car type.” You commented softly, eyes scanning the amount of gadgets that littered the dashboard. The car’s interior was all black leather, that was at least something you expected from him.

“I’m not but the holiday bonus was nice and I needed an upgrade anyways.” He cracked his window, lighting up a cigarette before pulling out of the restaurant’s small lot and out into the bustling street. You didn’t expect him to be nervous, nor did you expect him to be awkward about the situation. Yet you were practically squirming in your seat, hoping he’d show some sort of nervousness to help you feel less inexperienced.

His cigarette hung half hazardously from his lips, one hand on the wheel while the other came down to rest on your thigh. You nearly choked on your own saliva, heat pooling in your gut at the simple action. “Amuse me, would you? What’s the best thing a guy has done for you, Hmm?” Smoke puffed out around his cigarette, eyes locked on the road as he waited for your response. “Offer to walk me home.” You admitted sheepishly, not quite sure how he’d react to such a lame response. It was true your taste in men hadn’t really benefited you in any way up until now.

He let out a gruff laugh, slowing down as he pulled up to a red light and plucked the cigarette from his lips. “That’s it? Seriously? Where the hell are you finding these bummy men?” You weren’t sure why his clear annoyance affected you the way it did, but you found yourself struggling to not press your thighs together. A small effort to relieve some of the ache, you knew if you moved your legs even a little he’d feel it. Then again, he was driving you back to his apartment to fuck you… would it really matter? “No need to be tense.” He murmured softly, hand squeezing your thigh.

“…’m not tense.” A stupid lie but it made him chuckle so you couldn’t really be mad at it. “Let me help you relax.” The cigarette was back between his lips, hand on the wheel as the light turned green. Kishibe pushed on your thigh, silently asking you to spread them. It took your brain a few seconds to properly respond, spreading them just enough that he could fit his hand between them. “Atta girl…” smoke puffed out around his lips once again, filling your nose in an almost intoxicating way. You were a bit shocked by the praise, nearly letting a whimper slip out.

The man you knew as your mentor was certainly not the same as the man sitting beside you. Then again you doubted he would ever woo the amount of women he did with his mentor attitude. Kishibe’s hand gingerly crept up your thigh before dipping between to cup your panty covered cunt. You mentally thanked yourself for wearing a skirt, giving the man in the driver's seat easy access to where you wanted him the most. He could feel your warmth radiating through the thin material, on top of that he could tell you were already wet.

Kishibe exhaled deeply, forcing himself to remain focused on the road even though he’d really like to look over and gauge your reaction. Truthfully, he had been waiting patiently for quite some time now for you to be the one to make the first move. He wasn’t lying when he said you were transparent with your emotions, but even then he didn’t want to risk creating awkward situations. He was getting old after all, a fifty year old man going for a woman in her twenties would certainly look terrible on his part if the other party didn’t reciprocate.

Maybe he was just a creepy old pervert for thinking that way.

Regardless, it was starting to get hard to ignore the persistent stiffness between his own legs. You’re breathing had hitched, suddenly dizzied by the fact that his hands were already on you. Two fingers pressed against the wetmark on your panties, drawing a sigh from your lips as he rubbed the material softly. “You’re more excited than you let on.” it was an off hand comment, one that had your fingers gripping the door handle to keep yourself grounded. Kishibe’s fingers slid along your slit, settling over your pulsing clit.

“You’ve said no man has ever satisfied you… I take it because he didn’t know where this was…” he pressed down, sending a shock of pleasure through you. Your mouth opened but nothing came out, slowly he began rubbing tentative circles, making sure you keep his fingers on the cloth of your panties. He wouldn’t let you feel his bare fingers just yet. More smoke puffed out, filling the car briefly before being sucked out the window. “I asked you a question, sugar.” you turned to look at him, face warm as his fingers continued to pleasure you. “T-that would be right…”

“Every woman is different, is this good for you?” you knew he was referring to his current action. “Y-yeah but…” you reached for his hand, placing yours over his as you guided him to a faster tempo. Kishibe took the reins again instantly, chuckling softly as you let out a soft moan. “Hmm, that better?” it was low, enough you send shivers through you as your hips jerked into his hand. “Need more…” you couldn’t quite figure out what specifically you needed, you just knew you needed more of him. “I know.” was all he said, fingers working you up continuously as he drove.

Part of you had to wonder if he was even driving you to his apartment at this point. It felt like you were going in circles around the city as he got you off in his front seat. Before you knew it, you felt your orgasm creeping up on you. “S-shit…” you clenched around nothing, the tension in your gut had appeared a lot quicker than usual. “You’re gonna cum, aren’t you?” he teased softly, fingers picking up speed ever so slightly. You mumbled out some sort of ‘yes’, gasping softly as the tension continued to build.

Maybe it was the combination of everything, Kishibe, his hand, the fact that he was doing this almost absentmindedly while driving through the city, everything was edging you on. “Then cum for me. Show me how much of a little slut you are. I mean really, you’re going to cum from me rubbing you through your panties. You’ll ruin them.” You whined at his words, the tension building so intensely that you were certain you’d fall apart. “Atta girl…cum for me” encouraged again, rolling to a stop at yet another red light.

He looked over at you know, the sudden motion causing you to turn to look at him. “C’mon… no need to hold back.” he sneered, the ghost of a smirk on his lips. You felt your lower lip tremble, head turning to look back at the road as your orgasm crashed down over you. Breathless gasps escaped your lips, hand shooting down to hold Kishibe’s wrist as he continued to work you through your ogasm. “…ough… enough…” you squeaked, overstimulation taking over as the light turned green.

He only slowed because of the light turning green, hand never retracting from where it was between your legs. “Here we are.” He commented offhand, pulling into the parking lot of his apartment building. You blinked, the throb already returning. “Hope you’re not worn out… I haven’t even gotten to show you a proper good time.” He pulled into a numbered space, shifting into park and plucking the nearly gone cigarette from his lips. You watched him put it out on an ashtray in his cup holder, turning the car off a moment later.

“Well?” You shivered as his hand pulled away, making you want to chase after him. “Y-yeah…I’m not worn out. Hell, after your training it’s hard to ever get worn out these days…captain.” You teased softly, not knowing where the confidence came from. A smile actually tugged at his lips, hand reaching for the door handle and pushing it open. “I’ll remember that, sugar.” For some reason, you felt as if you had just dug your own grave.

[thisisarcanereverie]

May i request a Yandere Moonknight System with a reader who’s like visiting London on work or something and they meet one of the boys. over their stay they get close as the boys show them around London and they sort of ignore the fact reader eventually has to leave untill they tell the boys they’re leaving the next day and they snap and take reader. Idk if that makes sense. 🤍

Cutting Ties (Dark! Moon Knight x Reader)

A/N: This is Part 1 of a 3 Part fic. This is also a dark fic so please DNI Minors and others. (I got a little carried away with this idea Anon so thank you for the suggestion)

Now if you can interact or want to, please do! Like, reblog, reply!

DISCLAIMERS/WARNINGS: kidnapping, angst (like a ridiculous amount of it), light cursing, I've never been to London or England in general so I'm going based off of what I've seen, English is my first language I just suck at it. I do not own the picture above but i DO own the header below, it's something that I made. I might make a few others idk. Enjoy!

Summary: You're a former Widow on the run, only in London for a year you meet Steven Grant, a goofy gift shoppist. But is there more that meets the eye?

You weren’t sure what it was about London, maybe it was the almost constant cloud looming over the city-or perhaps it was the way you barely understood what the people around you were saying- but you didn’t get what all the hype was about. Yes, it was beautiful if you put a filter over it looking at it through a tourist’s perspective. However, looking past all the buzz and touristy wonder, it was just like every other city- gray, busy, and foul smelling–filled to the brim with more people than it could possibly provide for. The only difference was the currency and the fact that everyone sounded like they came out of either Downtown Abbey or Derby Girls. 

You sighed as you reminded yourself that you were only going to be stuck here for another year, until this identity expired, then you got to go somewhere else, maybe somewhere warm and remote. Though you doubt it, that’s the thing about being on the run–you don’t get to choose where you go. You’ve been running close to 8 years now, almost a decade. Ever since Natasha Romanoff sent the Red Room hurdling from the sky and freed every Widow in the process, including you. How you got here exactly was a very long story, with parts you would rather not relive. 

You looked out the window of the bus, filled with thoughts of nothing but warm places with lots of sun and color with next to no people around. You could probably stay there longer than usual, hell maybe forever if you were careful. You could feel a small smile gracing your features as you thought of a nice, quaint home; decorated with plants, a nice kitchen to practice cooking in–oh and a sunroom that doubled as a greenhouse of sorts. You started making a list of flowers you would like to grow when you felt a sudden, foreign weight on your shoulder. You turned your head away from the silver light of the window towards the dark mess of curls next to you. You recognize him almost immediately, you don’t know his name but he always got off at that museum you’ve been meaning to visit, he always looked so tired with dark almost bruise like circles under his eyes; his dark hair almost in a permanent state of unkempt. You looked at his face a bit longer before your eyes trailed to his hands, his knuckles were white with how harshly he was gripping his bag and sweat was starting to form on his brow. A nightmare. You got those as well. 

As gently as you could you shook him, it didn’t take much until he bolted upright and took a few very sharp breaths. You could see his eyes dart erratically in fear before finally settling on you, you couldn’t help but remark on the lovely shade of brown his eyes were. A moment or two passed by before his eyes met the ground and his cheeks flushed. 

“I’m so sorry” he hurriedly apologized, eyes still trained on the ground, “didn’t realize I nodded off there.” 

“It’s quite alright,” you assured smiling gently at him, “if you don’t mind me asking but do you suffer from nightmares often?” his eyes went from the ground back at you, “I don’t mean to pry it’s just that I’ve seen you a few times on here and you always look exhausted.” 

“Yeah um,” he cleared his throat, “I, uh, I would guess so– not that I can’t tell the difference– it’s just complicated to explain–not that I wouldn’t tell you if I could, it’s just the best way I can explain it and I probably sound like such a knob.” You hold in a slight chuckle as his cheeks flush even more. 

“I don’t think so,” you say, “I get those kinds of dreams often as well. The ones you feel like they belong to someone else…but not at the same time, I guess it really is difficult to explain out loud.” you hold out your hand and introduce yourself as the man beside you hesitantly accepts it. 

“Steven Grant.” 

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

That was almost a year ago, after introducing yourselves you gave him your number (which he called not even an hour after he got off the bus). At first you would just meet up for tea but tea quickly became more intimate. You would call each other during the nights that were the hardest to sleep or to dream. You would tell him about your hope to live somewhere remote one day, in a place full of sunshine and color and he would be silent and listen. It wasn’t long until he confided in you about his condition, and you met Marc Spector and Jake Lockely respectively. 

You weren’t sure why but when Marc appeared he seemed familiar, for a moment you wondered if you had met him at some point but you were sure that you would’ve remembered. The Red Room forced you to have a good memory after all. 

Jake on the other hand was completely different from Steven and Marc, where Steven was shy and Marc stiff, Jake was suave. He had kissed your hand and said dirty things to you in spanish, to which you surprised him by replying fluently and dirtier. 

After some time you grew comfortable with Marc and Jake and went on dates with them as well. For a while you were happy, first time ever since coming to London. You were practically living in Steven’s small flat and you spent your days living as a normal person would. You pretended not to notice the weird things, like them leaving in the middle of the night or the strange looks they would sometimes get looking at absolutely nothing. You never pried or judged, it wasn’t like you aired out all the skeletons in your closet either. You never told them your real name (or at least the name the Red Room gave you) or where you came from or basically anything of substance at all about your past. You didn’t want to, it wasn’t like you didn’t trust them, but you feared what would happen if you did tell them. Tell them your real name, that you used to be a Black Widow and killed people. That the reason why you hated the color red was because it reminded you of the Red Room and the blood that stained your hands, how your nightmares were memories and that ghosts that haunted you refused to die. 

Somewhere along the way you started to forget that this life you were living with your job and your boys wouldn’t last forever. That sooner or later reality creeps in and brutally murders the fantasy you have created and as you hold the almost expired passport in your hand you remember the cold truth. That you never should’ve gotten involved, that you slipped and got attached and worst of all..you’d gotten someone else attached as well. Without you knowing the year you had left in London was almost up, in less than two months you will be off again to a new corner of the world with a new name and a new life. 

Deep down though you knew, knew that you couldn’t not go. Choosing to remain this person you’ve created with her perfectly normal job with her perfectly normal life with her not so normal–but still perfect–boyfriend was never an option. Too many people want you, for various reasons from recruitment to revenge for what you did as a Widow; and those people would stop at nothing to get to you, even if that meant hurting someone you’ve loved. 

You’re doing this, for them, you had to leave. There was no other option, and it was better to break it off now rather than leaving in the middle of the night. You fought the urge to be selfish, to keep living this life with them until you board your one way flight. So with a deep breath you stuffed your passport back into its folder in the drawer you owned and grabbed your trench coat and umbrella. You did not let a single tear fall as you hauled a cab to take you to the familiar route to their flat. You tried not to think at all, you knew if thought for a little too long you would talk yourself out of this. You knew this would probably be easier over text, you wouldn’t need to tell those big brown eyes goodbye and see them fill with tears or hate. It would be so easy…but you couldn’t. You knew that if you didn’t end it in person Steven, Marc, or Jake would show up at your door and wouldn’t leave until you did what you were doing right now. Telling them in person that it was over. 

You didn’t waste time when the cab stopped in front of his building, you told the driver to wait and that you would be back down in just a few moments. Your heels clacked against the wet pavement towards the door which a kind, elderly neighbor of Steven’s you’ve gotten to know opened the door for you to which you smiled and thanked him. Every move you made was robotic, you weren’t even thinking you were just on auto pilot. Hoping that they wouldn’t be able to tell the slight shake in your hand or how stiff you were. You reminded yourself that you were doing this for them, and for you as well. 

You entered the lift and pressed the button for their floor, the fluorescent light flickers a few times and the hum and rattle of the wires lifting the metal box do nothing to quiet the thrumming of your heart. Seconds pass by like hours before finally the sliding doors reveal the dimly lit hallway. One you’ve walked through dozens of times by now looks more like death row. You let not one tear drop as you walked, you couldn’t–you couldn’t let those doubting thoughts and happy memories pass through your head as you knocked on his door. Hearing a shuffling and the clattering of dishes before you hear them walk to the door. You could tell by the slight difference in gait that Steven was fronting and it hurt. You had hoped silently that it wouldn’t be him, your sweet Steven, with his unkempt curls and goofy grin. One who read you facts about Egyptian mythology and ancient history during stormy nights, who woke you from nightmares and held you gently like you were the most precious thing to ever exist. The sleepy man on the bus who laid his head on your shoulder and slept, who called you not even an hour after giving him your number. Please not him. 

He opened the door and sure enough it was Steven. 

“There you are love,” He said, a wide smile adorning his face as he ushered you in, “Me and the boys were wondering where you were,” he kissed your cheek and took your coat, “dinners almost ready if you need to wash up.” You stood there motionless, unsure of what to do. This wasn’t the first time you’ve cut ties with someone that you’ve cared for. However this was different, he was different. Steven, Marc, and Jake were probably the first people you’ve ever loved. You would do anything for them, anything, as long as they lived and were content and happy. 

Even if it meant hurting them. 

Even if it meant you could only watch from afar. 

You took in a deep breath, willed your heart to stop beating before speaking. 

“Steven.” He stopped immediately, you never called him by his name, only ever called him your sweetheart, or baby, or whatever other nickname came into mind but never his name. He turned away from the little stovetop and looked at you. You willed your voice to not falter as you continued, “we all need to talk.” 

“Oh god,” Steven whispered, “how bad?” 

“We need to talk,” You said not answering, “please.” 

Wordlessly Steven turned the stove off as he made his way to you, you held up your hand when he was only a few steps away. 

“Are they present?” You asked. 

“They weren’t before but now they are,” He said, eyes furrowing in worry, “we’re starting to get a little worried love what’s going on?”  

“I,” you start before swallowing the lump that has suddenly formed in your throat, “I’ve gotten a call from the main office, they’re relocating me in a few months to help on a different classified project.” 

“Oh,” Steven said with confusion written all over his face, “where?” 

“That’s classified.” You said, nails biting into your palm to stop yourself from getting emotional. 

“When will you be back?” 

Silence fills the room, you bite back the urge to say anything that would give him hope. After a few seconds you see his eyes widen as he looks at the mirror beside you. 

“No,” he said to the mirror, “no, no she’s not,” he turns to you with tears pricking his dark eyes making them shine, “love, tell them that you’re not-” 

“I am,” you say, careful to keep a cold tone despite the urge to cry, “I’m not coming back. It’s a permanent relocation.” 

“But you can still come to visit,” he says hurriedly, tears still pricking his eyes as he runs a hand through his hair, “we-we, we can um, we can face-call or um, or we can text and call and we can make this work, I know we can make this work love.” you opened your mouth to say something when he cut you off, a few tears leaking through and leaving wet streaks down his cheek, “or you could tell them no, tell them that you refuse the offer!” 

“I can’t say no,” you said gently. 

“Yes you can,” Steven said, his large hands gripping your shoulders, “you can tell them no.” 

“I can’t Steven,” you tell him, “I’ll lose my job if I do and I can’t.” 

“Then we can face call,” he says, his hands now cradling your face, leaving small kisses on your face that feel like knives in your heart, “we can make this work.” 

“We can’t,” you said as you gently pry his hands from your face, you reach into your pocket and grab the spare key he gave you after a month into your relationship and put it in his hand. “I’m sorry.” 

“Wait,” Steven says silently, his head hung, his crying seemingly subsided “can you please stay, stay with me, be with me until you go.” 

A moment of silence happens, for a moment you reconsider, but then you kiss his lips. Salt and vegan chocolate stain your tongue until you pull back, resting your forehead against his momentarily. You imagine what life you could’ve had with them, one full of good days and bad days. You’d adopt a cat with him, you would laugh as he declared the cat his mortal enemy for looking at Gus for a moment too long. You’d save up together and buy a nice cottage in the countryside, maybe you’d get married, maybe you wouldn’t. But you could imagine what it would be like to grow old with him, when your hair would turn white and gray, when your skin would start to sag and he would still be there to tell you you’re as beautiful as the day he met you on that small bus all those years ago. It’s a nice life, one you know you would be more than content with. 

But you know it’s not a life you can have. 

“Goodbye.” 

With that you left, closing the door behind you and walking to the lift. Walking away from the life you knew you could never live, not without constantly looking over your shoulders. You knew secrets always have ways of coming to the light, so even if you did stay how long would it be until he discovered yours. How long until he has a gun to his head and a target on his back? No, this was the choice, this was the only option. You made the right call, while you may not get to live that life; he still could. He’ll find someone else, someone to love and who will hopefully love him as much. 

The doors slid closed and the wires hummed and groaned as they lifted you back down where the cab was waiting. You decided to walk and paid the cab for their time. You knew with the heels you were wearing you would regret it later but you didn’t care, you needed some time to think. You walked through the lit streets, you watched as people laughed and a few occasionally public criers. You stopped and waved at the living statue man that Steven introduced to you before walking on. This was a path that you and the boys would walk sometimes, they didn’t like going out much and neither did you, but the exercise did you good. You checked your phone to see how much time you had left before you had to board your flight. It seemed like you had enough time to go home, grab your duffle and carry on before the cab you called before you left arrived. 

“Excuse me miss,” You turned to see a little girl no older than ten addressing you. She was a small thing, with dark curls and even darker eyes, she dressed as a white gown with a flower crown. “Do you care for some flowers?” You remember briefly seeing similarly dressed kids in the plaza not too far away, you gathered that maybe she had wandered away from the group unnoticed. 

“You know what,” You kneeled down to her height, “I would love some flowers, but first let’s get you back to your group alright?” the girl looked around as if she’s realizing she’s not where she’s supposed to be, for a moment you’re worried about her crying as you see tears start forming in her eyes. You take the hand not holding onto the small basket of flower seeds gently, “don’t cry little one, we’ll get you back to your group all safe and sound.” You see her nod as she holds your hand in her tiny one as you lead her back to the brightly lit plaza just a few buildings away. She points to two women frantically looking and calling out a name. You let her hand go and watch as she runs towards who you assume are her mothers. 

“Oh my stars,” you hear the taller woman breathe out in relief, “where did you run off too?” 

“I-I went to go give flowers.” You heard the little girl sniffle before she pointed at you, “she helped me.” You gave a small awkward smile and wave before the smaller woman gave you a hug. 

“Thank you so much,” She said before letting you go. “We were talking with the play director for one mo and the next-”

“No need,” you said, “she’s a sweet kid, adventurous too apparently.”

“You have no idea.” the mother sighed as she looked at the now giggling child in her wife's arms, “Angie loves to get into trouble.” you see her smile before returning her gaze back to you, “anyways thank you again.” 

“No problem,” you say before turning your eyes towards Angie and her taller mother, “it was nice to meet you, and you too Angie–listen to your mum’s.” you went to walk away before you felt a soft tug on your sleeve. You looked down to see Angie holding up a packet of flower seeds to you. 

“Here’s your flower miss,” Angie said sweetly, tears long gone, “thank you for helping me find my mum’s.” you gently take the packet of seeds from her and smile,

 “you’re welcome, good luck with your play.” You said as you waved her goodbye as she went to take her place next to the various other children in similar attire. You stood there a moment longer, watching this small family you’ve encountered. All you’ve ever known of family was what the Red Room told you of. Your birth certificate was destroyed along with every other Widow’s, even then you doubt that your parents still walked the earth. Dreykov wasn’t one to leave loose ends. 

You walked away from the plaza then, away from the brightly lit place and back onto dimly lit streets making your way past the few passersby and back to your building where a single duffle bag and carry on waited for you. 

You had been brave the entire day, you had not let a single tear drop but once the door to your flat closed behind you all the resolve you had crumbled. You slid down the door as tears profusely fell down your cheeks leaving hot traces behind. You couldn’t hold back the sobs that had threatened to come out earlier. Your fingers shakily trace your lips as you hold onto the last kiss you shared with him. Your hand then went to your chest and clutched the material of your shirt as a sharp, throbbing pain in your chest grew. Every part of you was screaming, all for different things. There was physical pain like the ache in your feet and the pain in your chest, but the emotional pain–that was the worst of it. This was the kind of pain that teetered between hell and heaven.

So this was it. 

This was heartbreak. 

You don’t know how long you stayed there–teetering–but you knew you couldn’t be long. Soon you would have to pick yourself up, bite through every step as though it didn’t feel like you were walking on glass, grab that duffle and carry on, and leave. You let out a bitter smile as you remember that fateful day you met your boys, how you were planning on what flowers to plant in that dream home of yours. You reached into your pocket and grabbed that small bag of flower seeds. 

Purple Hyacinth. 

Sorrow

You laughed at the irony. 

How fitting. 

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“What do you mean my flight is canceled?” 

“Just what I mean ma’am, the weather report-” 

“It’s bloody London, has there ever been a clear sunny sky in London?” 

“No..bu-” 

“Alright,” you sigh, pinching the bridge between your brows, “I’m not trying to be difficult, I know you’re just doing your job, are there any flights cleared to take off?” You see the person type a few buttons on their keyboard and a few clicks of the mouse before looking back at you with false sympathy. 

“I’m sorry ma’am all the ones cleared already took off.” 

Shit, that leaves you with two options: going back to the flat or staying at the airport until morning…with a sigh you grab your bags and get ready to grab a late taxi back to your place. At least there you could shower and cry in private. First thing tomorrow morning you’ll get on the next plane to, you look at your ticket again Cincinnati, Ohio. At least you won’t stay there, your inside guy did you a solid and got you away from people. You’ll be in a small property big enough for one in a small town. It wasn’t ideal but at least you were away from the city stench. You’ll have to drive to places this time instead of hailing a cab, but you didn’t mind. All in all, it was an ok set up, much more preferable than your previous arrangement. 

You tried to hail a cab for ten minutes, everyone that passed was either already paid or just didn’t see you. Eventually you thought you were going to have to bite the bullet and sleep on the uncomfortable airport lounges when a cab finally pulled up. You thanked god as you put your luggage in the trunk and got into the backseat. 

“Where to miss?” the man asked, you didn’t even look at him as you replied. Instead watching the water drip steadily down the window pane. 

“Too bad for the weather eh?” This driver asked in a thick cockney accent. 

“Yeah I guess,” you replied, “though I guess it fits.” silence passes before he replies. 

“Tough day issit?” 

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” you said, closing your eyes, “it just doesn’t end.” 

“Know what that’s like,” he replies, “I had a share of bad days myself.” 

“Oh yeah?” You responded. 

“Like today,” You hear him respond, “I burned my hand while making dinner for me and my girlfriend, we’ve been going on for a year or so by now. She is the most beautiful creature you’ve ever seen, inside and out. Anyways the day only gets worse from there, she comes about half an hour early to dinner without warning. I knock my poor toe on the way to the door to let her in; hurt like anything. So I open the door, she’s as  radiant as ever, only she’s got this sad look in her eyes, something I’ve never seen before. Turns out, she’s been lying to me… she said her job was taking her away and that she wouldn’t be able to be with us anymore.” a sinking feeling settled into your stomach, “we begged, we pleaded but no. She was adamant, and then she left, without another word. Isn’t that cruel?” You open your eyes to look into the rearview mirror, a chill went through your body as your eyes met a familiar dark pair. “Isn’t it mi carissima?” the accent drops into the deep spanish accent. You’re about to open the door when you feel a pinch on the side of your neck, and slowly the world blurred and then faded into nothing.

(Here's Part 2)

[heecase]

Midnight Rain Chapter 2:Long Time No See

Synopsis: You've always been a planner. You had your whole life planned out, but Heeseung breaking up with you for a chance to become an idol wasn't apart of your plan. So now you're stuck with supporting him from afar. Until a college boy sweeps you off your feet. Everything was supposed to be perfect. Then why were you still yearning for your first love? Pairing: Idol! Heeseung x Fem! Reader; Nonidol! Yeonjun x Fem! Reader Word Count: 3.5k Genre: Angst, Fluff (if you squint) Warnings: Heartbreak; Lying; Cheating; Drinking; Intoxication; Arguing; Gaslighting; One KYS joke

A/n: The story is all fiction, please don't take any depictions of the boys to heart. I love them all dearly and their personalities are only meant to progress the story. Any feedback is welcomed! Please enjoy~

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“I’m telling you something is off.” Chaewon stressed, as she sipped her coffee. You rolled your eyes at her, while taking a drink from your fruit smoothie.

“And I’m telling you, nothing is going on. I don’t know why you’re so insistent that Yeonjun is cheating on me. Especially since we just got engaged.” You frowned. You hated being in this position. One where you had to choose between your love and your best friend.

“Exactly! You guys have been together forever, so why did he pop the question now of all times? You said so yourself, he comes home late all the time and he hasn’t been as intimate with you either. I can feel it. I feel like he’s up to something and you don’t even realize it.” You sighed, thinking about the small possibility that Chaewon might be right. It’s been a year since you’ve graduated from college and a month since Yeonjun popped the big question. Sure, things weren’t ideal in your relationship but no relationship is perfect. Besides, you’ve been together for almost 5 years at this point and if he was cheating on you, why would he ask you to marry him? It just didn’t make any sense.

“Listen, he comes home late because his job is very demanding, they’re a start up company and he’s been working very hard to get them off their feet, so I can understand if he doesn’t have the energy to, ya know. I appreciate you looking out for me, but I don’t think anything is going on.” You picked up your phone to check the time before gathering your things. “I gotta get back to work but I’ll call you okay?” Chaewon didn’t answer, she just stared at you as you left. 

A shaky sigh leaving her lips as she pulls out her phone to look at the pictures she got sent this morning. It was photos of Yeonjun and a mysterious girl leaving a club drunk with their hands all over each other. She could’ve shown it to you to prove her point, but she couldn’t bear to see your heart break before her eyes so she chose to keep it to herself for now. Maybe these pictures were taken out of context and she really was the one going off the rails with this but she doubts it. She’s always gotten bad vibes from him ever since the first time she met him. She didn’t feel like she had the right to dictate your relationship, so she kept her opinions to herself. But he’s finally crossed a line where she can no longer sit back and just watch. She wasn’t going to let you marry someone who was unfaithful to you. You were her best friend and she’ll do anything to protect you and your happiness. She just has to come up with a plan that won't make her look like the bad guy. Easy right?

That evening, you’re lounging at home in your shared apartment with Yeonjun. As you sip on your wine, you think about the conversation you had with Chaewon on your lunch break. Should you actually confront him about what Chaewon told you? She did make sense, even though you dismissed her worries. Or are you going to forget about it like always and finish this bottle before going to bed? If you were truthful to yourself, you would ask him because deep down you also knew something was going on. You weren’t naive like most people thought you were but you’ve wasted so much time, so many years, with him that it would almost be a pity to end it now. You had already made plans in your future with him in mind and it wouldn’t be convenient to change them now. But at this point you didn’t know if you were still in this relationship out of love or obligation. You’re truly pathetic. 

On days like this when you’re not feeling your best, you pull up Enhypen’s youtube channel and watch your first love live his dream. He really did it. He was able to make a name for himself in a cut throat industry and you couldn’t be more proud. Seeing him so happy made you happy in return. It was like his happiness was enough for you to forget your tragic life. You just wish you could be there for him but supporting him from afar like this was enough. 

You sighed, thinking about how everything was going according to how you envisioned it, then why didn’t you feel happy? You’re getting everything you’ve ever wanted. You have a stable job working in graphic designs at Kakao Entertainment. Your coworkers were bearable and your boss didn’t make you want to kill yourself. You’re going to get married to Yeonjun within a year, then probably have kids soon after that. Chaewon will be your kids' godmother because she doesn’t want to settle down so she’ll live vicariously through you and you’ll live happily ever after. It was supposed to be that simple. But life was never that simple. As you finished your last glass of wine and the en o’clock episode you were on, the front door opened and you could hear Yeonjun stumble through the hallway. He was drunk again.

“Baby, what are you doing still up?” He slurred, falling heavily onto the couch next to you. He reeked of alcohol and you scrunch your nose at the smell.

“I was waiting for you. Where were you?” You asked, trying to mask the nervousness in your voice. Were you really about to do this?

“I was out with the team. We were having dinner with an important investor. I didn’t realize how late it was. I’m sorry, I should’ve texted you.” He rubbed soothingly up and down your exposed thigh. Goosebumps formed in place of his warm touch when he retracted his hand to pull off his tie.

“It’s okay.” You paused, taking a deep breath. It’s now or never. “Yeonjun, are you cheating on me?”

“What?!” The look on his face told you everything you needed to know. To outsiders, he looked shocked but if you stare into his eyes you could tell he felt guilty.

“Are you cheating on me? Were you really at a business dinner cause I don’t know any business dinners that end at 2am.” You crossed your arms as you stared at him. This time you weren’t going to let it go. You had to get to the bottom of this.

“Baby, can we not do this right now. My head is killing me.” He rubbed his temples roughly.

“Fine, if that’s what you want.” You take off your engagement ring and place it on the coffee table. “But if we don’t talk about this now, then I’m going to Chaewon's for the night. I’m not going to lay beside you in bed while thoughts of you with someone else run through my head, without you reassuring me that it’s not true.”

“Y/n, please. You’re being really unreasonable right now. I’ve had a rough day and I really don’t need this.” He picked up your ring to put back on your finger but you jerked your hand away when he tried. 

“Just tell me the fucking truth Yeonjun! Stop beating around the bush!” You yelled, no longer having the patience for him.

“You want to know the truth so badly?!” He stared at you with a look you’ve never seen before. “Fine! I did cheat on you. But it was a moment of weakness. Baby I swear it didn’t mean anything.”

“What do you mean a moment of weakness?! When did this happen?!” Your eyes widened as you stared at the ring in his hand. “Is that why you proposed to me?! Because you felt guilty??” You clutched your chest as your heart started to beat erratically.

“No! That’s not why I did it. Just let me explain first.” He pleaded, grabbing your free hand in his. You didn't respond but your silence was enough of a sign for him to continue anyway.

“We were having problems with securing an investor and there was this rich guy’s daughter who was coming on to me during the business meetings. The guys told me that if I didn’t play along that I would be terminated because this was going to be our last chance. If we didn’t get this rich guy on board then the company would have to shut down. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t mean for it to lead to anything. I was just being nice to her at first, but then she kept feeding me drinks and I blacked out. I don’t even remember what happened but all I know is she means nothing to me! All I need is you. Please, you have to believe me.” Tears were now streaming down his face. He looked so desperate for you to believe him that it hurt you to see him like this. This wasn’t the strong, charismatic Yeonjun you used to know. That Yeonjun hasn’t been seen since college. The Yeonjun in front of you is only the shell of the person he was. 

“Yeonjun, I don’t know…” You looked down at your hands, trying to think about what you wanted to do.

“Baby, the deal is already done. I really was at a business meeting tonight. They signed the contract already, so I don’t have to entertain his daughter anymore. I promise. This will never happen again. Baby please, I can change and be a better man for you. Please, I can’t lose you.” He cupped your face in his hands as his thumbs caressed your cheeks. You leaned into his touch and let yourself forgive him one more time. As you nodded, he closed the space and captured your lips. The kiss was forceful and desperate. He successfully conveyed all of his feelings to you with just that one kiss and you hated that you were so weak for him but maybe this was the final draw. Maybe this was the awakening that he needed to get his shit together.

Chaewon was not pleased to hear the outcome of your argument. She was sure this would be the one thing that would make you finally leave him. She never expected you would forgive him and move on like nothing happened. 

“You’re so stupid.” She scoffed, crossing her arms.

“You didn’t see him, Chae. He was really sorry and it wasn’t really even his fault. He was black out drunk.” You sighed.

“Yeah that’s what he wants you to think.”

“Can we please move on from this? I don’t like it when you guys are butting heads.” You pleaded, grabbing her hands and giving her the best puppy dog eyes you could muster.

“Fine, but you have to come with me to a party tonight.” Her eyes twinkled as you gave her an unsure look. 

“Another one? I don’t think Yeonjun will like it if I go out tonight.”

“Fine, then we can continue to talk about you and your stupid decisions.” She replied, sarcastically.

“No! Of course, I would love to go with you! I’m sure Yeonjun will understand if I explain it to him.” You smiled as you cuddled up to her. She tried to keep her angry persona but she melted when you started clinging to her arm. She has to remind herself that she’s angry at Yeonjun and not at you. You didn’t do anything wrong so making you feel bad doesn’t make her the better person.

If there was one thing about Chaewon’s twitch success that you didn’t like, it would be the influencer parties. She would always insist you go with her because she didn’t want to arrive alone, even though you don’t know any of the people there.Well not personally at least, there are always celebrities there but you’re too shy to talk to them. However, these parties always had good alcohol and delicious finger food so you had plenty to keep you occupied as Chaewon mingled. 

“Chae, don’t you think this dress is a little too much?” You frowned in front of the mirror at the skimpy black dress she gave you to wear. It was skintight and fell to the top of your thigh with a princess neckline and off the shoulder straps

“Not at all! You look so sexy!” She clapped her hands in awe.

“I don’t know if I’m really going for sexy tonight.”

“Oh come on. It’s from the new Prada line and one of us has to wear it to the party and I think it looks better on you.” She spun you around to admire the dress on your figure. Once Chaewon made up her mind, there was no changing it so you sighed out in defeat. You let her fix your hair and make up as well as give you a pair of heels to wear. Chaewon wore a light pink dress full of blurry flowers and butterflies with a similar neckline to yours and off the shoulder sleeves. Once she was satisfied with the way you both look, you made your way downstairs into the waiting uber.

The party was grand as expected. All the huge influencers were present, not that you would know any of them, and even a few celebrities. You stuck to Chaewon’s side like glue throughout the night, afraid of losing the small girl in the crowd. After a couple of drinks and snacks, you found yourself sitting beside her on a bench in the corner of the venue. You sighed as you realized you finished another drink. Glancing around, you failed to see any servers with trays of alcohol so you decided to hit the bar. You whispered to Chaewon where you were going and excused yourself from the group.

As you stood at the bar, you looked around at the hundreds of people in attendance and you were in awe at all the pretty people in the room. That was until your eyes landed on a very familiar figure. He was in the corner of the room with three boys around him and you knew right away who they were. Your breath hitched when Heeseung’s eyes flickered to yours and held your gaze. You looked away when the bartender placed your drink in front of you, snapping you out of whatever trance you were in. What was he doing here? Did he recognize you? There’s no way he did. It’s been too long. Right? You tried to be sneaky when you glanced back over to where he was but he was no longer there. Only the three boys remain. They were whispering to each other while gesturing in your direction. That’s odd. Were they talking about you?

“Long time no see.” A breath hits your neck making goosebumps form in its place. You gasped as you spun around to come face to face with Heeseung. “I never thought I would see you again.”

“Uh… yeah… me either.” You stuttered. Heeseung was standing in front of you and he was even more gorgeous in person. He looked more mature than from when you were in high school and maybe a little bit taller too. But his presence was different. His aura was suffocating and you forgot how to breathe.

“So what are you doing here?” He asked, sipping his beer casually.

“Oh.. I’m here with my friend Chaewon.” You answered, following his action and sipping your vodka orange juice. The liquid warmed up your insides, but did little to calm your pounding heart.

“Cool. How have you been?” His gaze was starting to burn as he stared at you. You felt your cheeks heat up as you failed to get any words past your lips. He didn’t push you to answer and you were grateful but the familiar beating of your heart was enough to make you go insane. This isn’t good. You have to get away from him. 

“I’m sorry, I think I need to get back to Chaewon. I don’t want her to think I got lost.” You retreated quickly, leaving him alone. Before he could protest, you were already gone and he lost you in the crowd.

“Chae, can we leave?” You asked, pulling on her arm like a little child.

“What’s wrong?” She looked you up and down to make sure you were okay.

“I’m okay, I just really need to go home now. Yeonjun is looking for me.” You lied. There was a slight pause as she processed your words.

“Yeah of course.” She took your hand and said goodbye to her friends before leading you to the door.

“Y/n, wait!” Heeseung’s voice could be heard over the loud music. Chaewon paused to look over at him before you quickly dragged her out of the building without glancing his way.

“So, are you gonna tell me what’s really going on?” She asked once you got into the uber.

“I ran into my ex and I think I had too much to drink. I didn’t want to do anything stupid so I wanted to leave.” You tried to sound nonchalant but you knew your voice was still weak simply from being in his presence.

“Wait. Who’s your ex?” She tilted her head in confusion. This was the first she’s heard of an ex from you. As far as she knows, you’ve only ever dated Yeonjun.

“It’s Lee Heeseung from the kpop group Enhypen. We used to date in high school before he debuted.” You explained. Your voice didn’t sound nervous but your fidgety hands said otherwise. 

“You used to date Heeseung?!” She gasped. “I play League with him sometimes on stream.”

“You play League with him?! But you suck at that game!” You asked equally as shocked.

“That’s not the point. Is that why he was chasing you down as we were trying to leave?” She raised a brow at you.

“Well, he caught me at the bar and we had a small chat but then I just felt too overwhelmed so I said I needed to leave. I didn’t think he would come after me.” You pondered why he would do that. You weren’t anything to each other anymore.

“Maybe he still likes you. I mean you do look smoking in that dress.” She teased.

“But he’s Heeseung. He could literally get anyone in that room if he wanted to, so I doubt he would want me of all people.” You looked down at your lap.

“Y/n, stop selling yourself short. You’re just as beautiful as any of the other girls at that party. Trust me, he wasn’t the only one making eyes at you.” You scoffed at her but her reassurance did make you feel better. 

“He broke up with me when he left to become an idol. It was his choice.”

“So if he were to want you back, would you take him back?” She questioned.

“I have Yeonjun. I can’t take him back.” And that was the answer she wanted to hear. If Yeonjun was out of the picture then you would take Heeseung back. It’s as simple as that. She knew Heeseung was a good guy from the many rounds of League they played together. Let’s just say, she plays because the viewers want her to and not because she’s amazing at the game. So Heeseung does tend to carry her through most, if not all, of their wins. But he’s never once complained or made her feel like she was a burden to him in any way. So she would much prefer her best friend with a sweet guy like him and not a cheater like Yeonjun.

The gears spun in her head as she cuddled against your side for the rest of the ride. You could’ve caught on to what was going through her head but you were too busy arguing with Yeonjun through text. He was still upset that you went to the party in the first place and now he’s even more upset that you wouldn’t be home tonight because you decided to crash at Chaewon’s place. But you tried to reassure him and said you’ll see him tomorrow. Sighing, you closed your phone to return Chaewon’s cuddles.

The next morning, you got up early to leave, making Chaewon wake up with you and she was not happy about it.

“Let me know when you get there.” She yawned out, as she pulled her covers closer to her chin.

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later.” You giggled, placing a soft kiss to her cheek before heading out.

 Chaewon was going to sleep in today but the events from yesterday were still lingering on her mind. Throwing the covers off, she sat at her computer contemplating if she should message Heeseung or not. Eventually, her hand moved to click his chat.

Y/n told me everything. Do you want her back? She waited for a few seconds before the reply came. 

Of course I do. She smirked at the message.

Perfect. Then you’ll have to do as I say.

Taglist: @nobodyshallenter @sunsunl0ver @huening-ly @qeen123

[melanieph321]

"I would like to request something like that.. So Antony and unexperienced shy reader have their first time together and basically Antony is being sweet to her and careful, telling her she does a great job so yea...and the reader is a bit insecure because she knows that Antony is pro football player and he can basically have a lot of females anf he choose her."

"Ah, nice request. I did somthing similar already, but Antony was patient with the girl and didn't sleep with her. Perhaps I could do like a part 2 of that story and include your idea..."

"However you like it..."

You ask and you shall receive people!

Antony x Reader - Take Things Slow (Part 2)

Enjoy!

It was one of those events again. Those events where you have to dress up, stand in front of a camera and pose. All of this had to be done before we could eat and by then I was starving.

"You okay?"

Antony and I were standing in the elevator going back up to our hotel room. I felt too shy to tell him that I was still hungry after dinner. For some reason the fancier the food, the smaller servings. I was really craving a cheeseburger right now.

"Yes, I'm okay. Just tired." I lied. I had started to do that more. Lie and feel shy around my own boyfriend. I don't know why, but maybe because things in my life had changed so drastically ever since Antony and I took our relationship to the next level. Now everyone knew my name and every where I went people were asking me about Antony.

"You sure you're okay? It doesn't seem good to be tired all day." Antony held up the door for me as we entered our tidy hotel room. We would spend one night here before going back home. Although the night should have been special for me as well, I just couldn't seem to get in the right mood. Perhaps because I had been having alot of doubts lately. Doubts about me and Antony, how I'm not good enough for him. I mean he could have any girl in the world now, but for some reason he stuck with me, a girl that doesn't even tend to his natural needs.

"Antony." I mumbled, stopping in the middle of the hotel living room.

"Yes?" He said removing his jacket, hanging it on a stool.

"I think I'm..." It was hard for me to get the words out, it was bad enough that I couldn't stop biting down on my lip. " I think I'm..."

"Yes?" He said, looking a little concerned.

I shook my head. Why was I being so silly."I think I'm ready." I said, finding all the strength to sound sure of myself.

"Ready for what?" A confused smile hooked his lips.

"I think I'm ready to have sex now." I said, clenching the purse in my grip.

"Oh." Antony stared at me with wide eyes. We hadn't mentioned being intimate in a while. Antony had been so patient with me that sometimes I felt like he didn't want me enough to persuade me into having sex with him anyway. It's bizarre I know. Antony wasn't like that, I knew that. However I needed to know that I was good enough for him at somthing, maybe sex was it.

Antony approached me slowly, tilting his head for me to meet his eyes. "Y/N, are you sure?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I frowned. Perhaps he didn't think I was capable. Then why keep me around if nothing was ever going to happen between us, I thought.

Antony's expression mellowed seeing mine stiffen.

"Y/N." He sighed. He unhanded me the purse and took my hands in his, leading me to the couch. I frowned as I sat down facing him, like in a meeting.

"You know I don't mind waiting. I've told you that haven't I?"

Omg, I was getting fired, I thought. Antony didn't want to have sex with me.

"Yes but we can't wait forever." I snapped.

Antony frowned. "Y/N. What is this really about. Why won't you tell me why you're upset?"

"I'm not upset."

"But you're not happy?"

"I'm..." I opened my mouth to protest but couldn't. I couldn't lie to Antony, the love of my life.

"I don't make you happy anymore?" There was sudden cold as Antony let go of my hands.

"Antony...no."

He stood. "That's it right. I've stopped making you happy. I know I've been busy lately. But with the league games and stuff I've..."

"Antony stop." I was quick to rise to my feet my hands grabbing each sides of Antony's face.

He paused to look at me

"It's not you it's me." I whispered.

"Great." He sighed, his cheeks swollen in my grip. "The oldest breakup line in the book, it's not me it's you right?"

I shook my head, giggling a little at the way everything sounded with my hands pressing Antony cheeks together. It wasn't the right time, I know, however he just looked so sweet between my hands.

"What's so funny?" He mumbled.

"You." I let my hands slide down to his neck, hooking my arms around it. "It's not you, it's me." I repeated.

Antonyshook his head. "Why?"

"I'm not good enough for you."

"Bullshit."

"Antony." I gasped. I'd never heard him use words like that or get angry around me.

His hands went to rest on the top of my hips, pinning me against him. "No other woman but you is good enough for me." He said, his eyes crystal clear.

"But I..." Antony stopped me from protesting further by pressing his lips against mine, the kissing lingering until I was in desperate need of air.

"Antony." I gasped, resting my forhead against his as we continued to sway in the middle of the hotel living room.

His hand traced my jaw. "Don't say every say things like that again, ever.

"Okay." I nodded, making both our heads move. "But it's just that...I meant what I said before."

Antony lifted his head so that he could meet my eyes. I bit my lip. "I'm ready." I nodded.

Antony raised his brow in suprise a flash of somthing curious in his eyes. But then his arms relaxed around me.

"If you're ready,  I'm ready." He said and bent down to kiss my naked shoulder.

I threw my head back with the sensation, exposing my collar bones to Antony who continued to trace kisses along my skin. We back away towards the couch. He layed me down and got on top on me. His lips never detached themselves from my skin. But when his hand peeled down the lace to my dress, with the craving for more of me, I sat up.

"Wait."

Antony stopped all movment immediately.

"I'm sorry...I just...

He shook his head. "No, no, you have to tell me if..."

"No, no..." I said with slight panic. "It's not that. I told you I was ready. It just that, maybe I should be on top." Heat rose to my cheeks.

Antony looked me with furrowed brows. "Your first time?" He chuckled.

I nodded. But he shook his head. "I should take care of you the first time. We will get a chance to experiment later."

"Okay." I nodded although my nerves were everywhere.

Antony let the one lace hang down my shoulder exposing my left breast. I gasped as he leaned forward and took it in his mouth, making me throw my head back with the pleasure I've never felt before I wondered how often Antony had thought about doing this, because he got more eager as he noticed m relax a bit more. We were still on the couch, not able to keep our hands to ourselves. The top half of my dress was now peeled down to my waste. Antony had left bite marks across my entire chest. I stiffened when his hand made its way up my thigh, something Antony noticed right away.

"Is this okay baby?"

I was meant to nod my head but then I remember that I shouldn't be lying in a situation like this.

"No?" He pulled away his hand from between my thighs. The sensation it left was cold, and for some reason I thought to be doing something wrong.

"I'm sorry,  I just don't like fingering." I felt so silly, but the truth was I didn't even do it to myself.

Antony nodded understandingly. "Then I won't do it."

"I'm sorry I..."

"Stop..." Antony put a firm hand to my mouth."...apologizing. There's other ways to make you feel good."

"Other ways?"

Antony began placing a kiss on my thigh, rolling up the skirt of my dress as he did. The kisses continued traveling upwards, until my hand grabbed a hold of his head.

"You don't have to." The words escaping my lips were airy and so needy.

Antony chuckled. "Trust me, I want to. Look at you, all wet for me already." Antony traced a finger along the fabric of my underwear, his nuckles brushing against my glistening folds.

"Fuck me." I sighed.

"As you wish" He began fucking me with his mouth. His tounge swirling around the wetness I'd created for him.

"Antony please." I cried, but he wouldn't let me finnish. Instead he pushed of of me in search for something in his back pocket. A condom.

"You ready for me?"

"Mhm." I nodded. It was all moving so fast but not in a way that disturbed me. He pulled himself out of his pants, reveling his erected cock, pulsating as he took his time to dress it with the rubber. He then placed himself between me, pushing my panties to the side with the tip of it.

I gasped as pressure was applied, but not enough to make me want all of it to stop. Antony was carful, allowing me to adjust to his size.

"That's it baby, I know you can take it."

"I can." I said flushed.

He then thrusted himself all the way into me, our hips violenty crashing into each other.

I gasped with the pleasure that came with the pain. "Antony please."

He cradled his arms around me, intertwining our hands as he pinned them above my head.

"I love you." He said, looking deep into my eyes, whilst his hips crashed into me with every thrust.

"I love you too." I whispered and promised myself to never doubt our love again.

[mrcleanheichou]

Wolves Are (NOT) Scary Chapter 2

Pairing: Werewolf!BTS X Female human reader

Genre: Fluff smut angst

Warnings: bathtub sex, cunnilingus, bad Little Red Riding Hood dirty talk

Word count: 2,684

Summary: All Y/N wants to do is find her creativity and motivation but she finds 7 werewolves instead.

Author note: Hi again! It's been forever! I finally found my will to write. This was supposed to be a way longer chapter but I really wanted to put something out. Like I've said before this fic jumps from flashbacks to the present, the next chapter will be a flashback. Thank you guys so much for reading!

Taglist: @thickemadame @moonlitehunter

Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3

Present day

You were bored. The most bored you’ve ever been. Maybe that’s an exaggeration but maybe its not. Normally you’d head outside into the forest and find a nice place to sit with your notebook and try to write or sketch some of the rabbits that you managed to become friends with over time. Unfortunately that’s not possible with the rain storm currently roaring outside.

You tried reading but there was too many distractions. One being the two men currently sitting on bean bags too close to the tv playing video games and arguing with each other. Sure you could always head to your room for peace and quiet but that’s so far away. Sighing you dragged yourself off the couch and stood behind the closest werewolf running your fingers through his hair. Smiling in triumph once you see him tremble under your touch.

“Stop it you’re gonna make me pop a knot,” Jungkook whined not breaking concentration at all. Pouting in defeat you removed your hands from his soft locks “You’re no fun.”

“Don’t even think about it. I’m trying to beat this cocky asshole right now,” Taehyung grumbled’ side eyeing you when he heard you coming over to him. “Go bother Jimin hyung if you’re horny,”

Gasping in mock outrage “I’m not a bother!” When neither wolf pays attention to you anymore you admit defeat. “Fine, maybe I will go to Jimin. At least he appreciates me.”

On your way to the stair case to look for Jimin upstairs you hear what sounds like the stand mixer whirring in the kitchen. Peaking around the corner you could see the young werewolf hard at work rolling out dough. Taking some time to admire your boyfriend’s side profile you could spot the flour staining his cheek.

Jimin always takes your breath away, he is beautiful in all sense of the word. A classic beauty that could rival a fairy tale prince will a bright smile that could light up a room. Not only physically beautiful but he is also a kind soul, he’s definitely a nurturer. Its almost supernatural how he can read other’s emotions and then make people feel better. You appreciate him when you’re stuck in a writer’s block and start doubting your abilities. Jimin always makes you put your notepad down and drags you to his room for some much needed cuddles. If its really bad he’ll shift and just lay on top of you like a weighted blanket.

A soft laugh broke you out of your thoughts, “You should take a picture, it’ll last longer,” The silver werewolf winked at you. Feeling your face getting hot you pulled up a chair at the island in the middle of the spacious kitchen across from where Jimin was working.

“I wasn’t staring.”

“Whatever you say,” Jimin said teasingly. After rolling your eyes you finally payed attention to what he was doing. Seeing him put a huge slab of butter on the dough he rolled out and then folded it over the butter it clicked. Your eyes went wide and you gasped.

“Are you making chocolate croissants?!?”

“Yup,” Jimin said popping the ‘p’. “I felt like being nice since there’s nothing else to do.”

Its always a big deal when Jimin makes croissants especially chocolate crossaints. He’s not the only one who knows how to make them but his are the best but they only happen once in a blue moon. His specialty is cake decorating, he doesn’t really like actually like baking. His cakes have won awards and a lot of his cakes are wedding cakes for couples that come up to have their receptions in the mountains.

“Did I hear chocolate croissants?”

You snapped your head up after hearing the new voice, “Hobi!”

Your older boyfriend laughed as you jumped up and hugged him, ignoring how soaked he is. Hobi nuzzled against your neck to remark you with his scent and then pried your arms off of him to mark his other mate.

“I missed you Hyung,” Jimin murmmured.

“I know, we all hate going to those stuffy meetings. I wish we didn’t have to go but if you want a roof over your head we gotta grin and bear it,” Hobi patted Jimin’s head before looking over at you. “Wanna take a bath? I’m freezing.”

Nodding you start running for the stairs to go start the water.

“But what abou-”

“They can wait. I want alone time with my baby girl first,” Hoseok said knowing full well hes gonna get an earful from Jin Hyung.

“I wanna go too,” Jimin whined giving his best puppy dog eyes to his hyung.

“You need to finish what you started,” the elder wolf said gesturing to the forgotten dough. Jimin sighed in resignation.

Humming excitedly while the large tub was filling up, you dropped in a jasmine scented bath bomb from Lush – which is appropriately called “sex bomb”. You also ran around lighting up all the multiple tea light candles around the spacious bathroom. This bathroom was connected to Hoseok and Yoongi’s rooms and they were both closet romantics. Yoongi especially, no matter how much he tries to deny it. Everyone has their own room but often times there’s multiple people sleeping in each other’s beds.

You jump a little when you feel hands cupping your ass while you were bent over the edge of the sink “Still so jumpy after all these years,” Hoseok chuckled lowly behind you. “Like Little Red Riding Hood ready to be taken by the Big Bad Wolf.”

Looking over your shoulder and biting your lip you feign your best innocent tone, “You gonna eat me, Mr Wolf?”

Hoseok pounced, pulling down your shorts and panties all in one go. As soon as the fabric barrier to your amazing scent was removed the werewolf fell to his knees behind you. You were already soaked before he came in just from the anticipation. All of the boys were amazing lovers but Hoseok was just on another level especially if its been awhile so you were ready.

“O-oh!” The sensation of large hands spreading your ass cheeks apart and a warm tongue swiping across your slit had you gasping. As soon as the sensation came it quickly left and was replaced with Hoseok smacking your thigh.

“Turn around and take your shirt off for me, Little Red,” Doing as you were told you face him and lift the t-shirt over your head revealing the fact that you were braless. “Oh you naughty girl. Walking around all these horny wolves with your tits out. You’re the perfect bitch, always ready to be bred.”

Humming at that you allowed your leg to be lifted onto Hoseok’s shoulder. With no warning Hoseok goes for your pussy like a man who hasn’t eaten for days. Obscene wet noises are mixed with your moans and you know everyone else in the house can probably hear you.

Closing you eyes and throwing your head back you get lost in the pleasure, Hoseok was always good with his mouth. You love to think about the time him and Yoongi spent teaching Jungkook how to eat you out correctly because the maknae had a habit of getting a little too excited and rough during the act which often didn’t result in you reaching your climax.

“H-hobi your fingers, please I want your fingers inside of me” you plead threading your fingers in his are and pulling until he looks up at you. With one final lick all the way from your hole up to your clit he thrust in two of his long fingers all the way in.

“Little Red is being bossy today, I see.” he taunts while getting up from his knees and pistoning his fingers in your sopping wet pussy. “It’s a good thing I missed you.”

Taking his fingers out, Hoseok brought them to your mouth, “Here taste how sweet you are.” You comply, looking into his eyes as you take his fingers in as far as they would go, sucking on them and bobbing your head slowly as if you were sucking another part of his body. Hearing him utter the word ‘fuck’ you smile to yourself. It always made you feel powerful to know how much power you hold over these men when it comes to these situations. Taking his fingers from you he steps back and all but tears his clothes off heading to the warm water of the bath. You the perfect view of his muscular back and his toned ass as he climbed in.

“Come here Little Red.”

Hoseok helps situate you on top of him as you hover over his hard cock under the water. Reaching down to give him some strokes on his neglected member, you slowly ease onto him. You both moan at the feeling. Once situated you gasp dramatically. “Oh my! What a big cock you have, Mr Wolf!”

“All the better to fuck you with.” he groans out. That finally broke you, you couldn’t play along anymore. You burst out into full on laughter which made your pussy tighten and loosen rhythmically in a way that had Hoseok seeing stars.

“Hey, I’m trying to be sexy here!” he whines leaning forward wrapping you up in his arms and burying his face in your breasts.

“I know, I know and I love you for it.” humming in response Hoseok thrust up slightly from below you trying to get you to move on your own. Not having to be told twice you slowly rise until the only tip is in and then drop down. The water sloshes all around which is why you didn’t fill the tub as high as you would if you were going to take an actual bath. You learned your lesson after getting in trouble before when Jungkook forgot to clean up all the puddles in their shared bathroom and poor Jin slipped. He called you guys ‘horny heathens that couldn’t understand the sanctity of the bathroom.’

You moan as Hoseok grips your hips and speeds up your pace. Your breasts bouncing in his face was his favorite thing about having sex with you. He can’t get that with the guys so he almost always wants you on top when its just you and him. They have all been mated to each other since they were young, the Goddess Luna was all knowing, every single wolf ended up in the pack they were supposed to be in. She was rarely wrong. Every year on the Full Wolf Moon in January all werewolves in Korea that have reached the age of 13 gather in a coming of age ceremony. The high priests of the moon temple bestow their wisdom and start forming packs. Mini packs are created until all of the members have come of age. Very rarely are there more than 10 members in a pack. The majority of packs have males and females but there are a small amount that end up being just one gender. Unlike normal society this phenomenon is celebrated not shunned. All love is valid in the eyes of the Goddess. It is not rare but it is not common for packs to end up having a human mate. Which is what happened to the Bangtan pack. If its a pack with only one gender, the human is usually the same gender but sometimes that doesn’t happen. Just like in your case.

Being the only female was a learning curve for your mates. You had to teach them how to please a woman. The whole month after you finally gave into them was a sex filled time. You rarely left the bed. They were so curious when they saw you naked for the first time. It was a nice feeling being treated like a work of art.

Which leads back to Hoseok wanting you on top all the time. He found out how much he loves boobs, specifically yours. He says he’s in love with the softness, even when you’re not having sex and are relaxing on the couch or sleeping in his bed he has a hand on your breasts. Another one of his favorite things is to titty fuck, feeling his dick squeezed between your breasts feels like heaven according to him. Especially when you lick at the tip while he does it.

“I’m gonna cum, fuck! Gonna fill this pussy up so gooooood,” Hoseok moans while leaning back on the tub. His knot was starting to catch on your entrance as it grows to lock you together when he finishes.

“You better not.”

You both freeze hearing the icy tone. Slowly turning you saw Yoongi standing in the doorway with a judgmental look gracing his face.

“Hyung, I was so close,” The werewolf currently with his knot ready to be shoved inside you whines out.

Sucking his teeth in disapproval the ashy blonde haired man sauntered his way to the edge of the tub. Grabbing your arm pulling you off of Hoseok’s dick and makes you slide down into the water on the other side of the tub. “Do you know how awful it is to be gone for a whole week and have your mate not even greet you?”

Looking up with your best puppy dog eyes, “I wanted to greet you all of you but Hobi dragged me up here,” you pout while throwing Hoseok under the bus.

“Don’t suck up to him! You came here willingly,” The outraged male splashed water at you.

Yoongi crouches down to your level and threads his hand in your damp hair, pulling slightly, “No one likes a tattle tale.” He lets go and then looks between you and Hoseok before getting up to leave, “Both of you hurry up and come downstairs. Don’t even think about touching yourselves or each other.”

You and Hoseok are left to sit and stare at each other. Hoseok gets up and exists the tub with his erection bobbing as he moves. He doesn’t even dry off as he grumbles to himself while pushing his cock down to fit in the left pant leg of his sweatpants. Sighing you get up and follow suit.

If Hoseok’s wolf features appeared in his human form, his ears would be down and his tail would be between his legs as he catches Namjoon’s glare at the bottom of the stairs. His alpha was displeased and his wolf instincts overrided his human nature which made him automatically bare his neck to the younger male when he reached him.

“I’d expect this from the Maknaes, not you,” Namjoon was clearly disappointed. Whenever they come back its a special occasion because the pack bond is strong and being so close to the main temple for a week intensifies the feeling of loss for the older wolves while apart. They all make time to at least cuddle all together until their inner wolves are satisfied. “Go to my room and wait. Do not touch yourself.” Hoseok’s head was down knowing he’s gonna receive punishment. He’s definitely not gonna be allowed to cum tonight. You chuckle as he passes you.

“What are you laughing at? Don’t think you’re not in trouble too.” You don’t have wolf instincts to be affected by his alpha voice but you still felt a chill run down your spine. He beckons you to come to him with his finger. When you got close enough, Namjoon gently but firmly grabs the back of your neck and bites down on your old bite mark. Not hard enough to break skin like he did when he first gave it to you but just enough to remind you that he’s in charge. He, as the pack leader, is the only wolf that marks pack members.

Good thing you work from home because its basically like a permanent hickey.

“I’ll deal with you later.” moaning you felt your core squeeze as he whispered in your ear. With that he leaves you to gather yourself before heading into the living room. You were absolutely excited for your punishment.

[coupsie-daisies]

To Be Reborn | Kim Seungmin

Pairing: Kim Seungmin x GN!Reader

Genre: Reincarnation AU, it’s also a soulmate au but I don’t think I ever actually say that, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Y/N lost their beloved to an untimely death. To make things worse, they’re a reincarnated soul stuck in a cycle of being reborn. They visit their lover’s graveside in their next life to share a birthday date with him. As much as they don’t trust the universe, it may just have plans for them.

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: major character death...kinda? Cemeteries, Reader is highkey depressed, but they’re fighting it

A/N: Happy Birthday to my number 1! Kim Seungmin deserves the world but since I can’t give him that, I wrote this. Might add more to this later, we’ll see how I’m feeling. Let me know what you think. (I also never write in the first person, so let me know if I made mistakes)

Tags: @dragonofthenorth0726 // @wooyussy // @sunnytaes // @burningupp // @bunnypig18 // @chrswolfie // @ferrethyun // @brownieracha // @ashia4

Sixteen.

That’s how many lifetimes I’d lived, how many paths my soul had chosen. I’d been a human being sixteen times over, growing and changing and finding the shape of my soul in sixteen different bodies. It was strange, all of the not knowing. Not knowing where I came from, and how I began. Not knowing who I was supposed to be, what would become of my soul, if I was the only person who had lived two, three…sixteen lives. It was lonely.

But with him, I hadn’t felt so terribly alone. And of course, I knew it was coming, that he’d leave me long before I was ready for him to. That I’d be born again for years and years to come. Living, and loving, and losing people all over again. It had never hurt the way it did when I lost my Sky. I doubted that it would again, but pushing people away was easier than running the risk. Better safe than sorry after all.

It had been sixty-five years since the day he died, barely twenty-two and taken all too soon. But today was his birthday. He would have been one hundred and seven years old, which was an unreasonable age to live to, but it would have been nice if we could have lived forever like that. If I could have had him a little bit longer.

I laid out a blanket on the stretch of perfectly manicured grass in front of his headstone. The one I’d picked out years ago, that I’d mourned in front of until my last life was timed out. I sat down and opened the picnic basket I’d packed.

In this life, I’d just recently hit the age of twenty-one. I’d been making the trip to see him every year on his birthday since I’d turned eighteen. Time was a funny thing, it passed much slower than I expected it to after all this time, but it was rarely as exhausting as it was the first few times around. I would skip over the teenage years altogether if I had it my way, but sometimes it was nice being able to forget for a few moments the ache of adulthood, of responsibility.

The more lives I lived, the easier it became to handle the inevitable loss. Knowing everything was temporary made it easier to let go. My friends, my home, my body, it would get left behind in sixty years, give or take a few. But it was nice knowing that, at the very least, there was something to be remembered by. Pictures, or a name, a story, or a slab of stone. Something to linger in the world for a few more lifetimes.

I opened the basket, pulling out the small birthday cake I’d bought. It was the sort you got for two people, maybe three. Something sweet to celebrate another year spent with your loved ones. I poked a couple of candles into it and set it between the two of us.

“Happy birthday, Sky.” I lit the candles, watching the flames dance and flicker in the breeze. The ache in my chest was back again. Sometimes now, after so many years, it went away and I forgot that I’d lost him. Somehow growing up made letting it go more difficult, and made the memory more vivid. I cleared my throat. “It’s been a year, but not much has changed. I got a dog about a week ago. His name is Voltage. I think you’ll like him, but I wasn’t sure he was ready to come meet you. Maybe next time.”

An older woman was walking nearby, and she spared me a sweet smile. I smiled back and wondered what I must look like to her. So young, and sharing a cake with…nobody. Talking like one might to their best friend, to their lover, to their other half. I wondered if she felt the same way I did and if she’d lived with the pain as long as I have. If she would be reborn like me and feel it in another life too. I hoped not.

“Sometimes I think about how temporary everything is. And I know you didn’t like it when I got thinking about things like that,” I watched the blue wax of one of the birthday candles drip towards the buttercream it was perched in. He’d always rushed me to blow them out before the cake got ruined, but I didn’t have it in me to blow these ones out. I just watched and forced a smile.

The air was still warm in late September, only beginning to push towards the stark coolness of fall when the sun would sink lower into the sky. But for now, the sun was still sitting high, and the big tree in the middle of the cemetery waved its leaves to all the souls laid to rest beneath her shade. I’d always thought this place was inexplicably beautiful. Now I still found it beautiful, but it held a sadness that grew heavier with each passing year.

I leaned forward, inhaling slowly and fighting the warm tears that were beginning to slip down my cheeks. I wasn’t supposed to cry, because visiting him wasn’t supposed to be sad. Bittersweet maybe, but not sad.

It crossed my mind then to blow out the candles, and I looked at the way they were beginning to melt onto the center of the cake. I didn’t get the chance to blow them out there, barely managing to inhale when a gust of wind knocked the flames out. I exhaled, a half-broken laugh as I wiped my cheeks. I didn’t make a wish, I wouldn’t have anyways. It wasn’t mine to wish, and I could only wish for the same thing that I always did with him gone.

He used to ask me every time, every year without fail, what I had wished for. I would laugh, and shake my head even when he wrapped his arms around me and begged for me to share my little secret with him. But a wish can’t come true once it’s spoken out loud, those have always been the rules.

“Did you make a wish?” I asked the open air, pulling a plastic fork from the basket I’d brought along. There was real food in there, a sandwich and apple slices, but I didn’t feel like eating them. I usually had a hard time eating on the days when I missed him the most, it already felt like my body was twisting and tearing and splitting into pieces without his presence, eating was always the cherry on top of the fucked up grief sundae. 

Instead, I poked my fork into the cake and took a bite. I sat in silence there, looking at the date on the slab of stone I’d had to pick for him. The details about all of that were a bit fuzzy, but the feelings were barely dulled from what they were then. The sting of finding out that he’d died was still sharp and disarming, and the bitterness of remembering that he’d been away from home for nearly a year before that was just as potent as ever. Military service, all but cut off from me only to never be seen again.

I ate a few more bites, savoring the sweetness of his favorite cake flavor and thinking about what the next few days had in store for me. I was going to school again, it didn’t seem to get easier over time, but the challenge was a welcomed distraction. Classes were just picking up for the semester, and I would be buried in work soon. But Sky wouldn’t have wanted distraction to be my best option. He’d want me to find something better, to grow from the pain, to let go. I made myself think about that when I tried to shut people out.

I carefully put the cake back in the basket, wishing I didn’t have to. But I didn’t particularly feel like drawing ants, and eating any more of it would turn the emotions into a physical discomfort in my stomach. I shifted closer to him, to the stone that represented him, and touched the silk leaves of the fake flowers in the vase there. I’d have to bring new ones. Who put them there, I never did figure out, and it surely hadn’t been me. But they were growing stained with dirt, the pale pink and blue becoming a dirty shade of brown instead. I brushed my hand over his headstone, brushing away some of the dirt there as well, deciding I should come around and give it a nice clean-up before fall came in full swing.

“I’ve been slacking. But you know how busy I am this time of year. I’m going for a music major this time around,” I told him, laughing one more time. “I seemed to have gotten that skill this time. If you were here, you’d be grateful. I was completely tone deaf last time around.”

I brushed my hands off on the blanket beneath me. “I miss you, Sky. You’d like the world now I think. I think it would like you too,”

I swallowed and swiped away a new wave of tears with the back of my hand.

“Forgive me, I don’t mean to bother you…But I’m sorry for your loss.” A voice said from behind me, sweet and gentle as he caught my attention. I tried not to startle. I’d never been spoken to at the cemetery, not properly, and it was as if the weight in the air was gone, the tension surrounding me shattered. “Was he family?”

I had never had to answer that question either. The silence stretched and grew, but the man standing behind me didn’t push me to answer. I inhaled deeply before I nodded.

“As close as. Someone my family knew a long time ago,” I said. “Nobody seems to remember anyone after a few lifetimes. I don’t want to forget him.”

“I see,” He said. It was quiet again. “He’s grateful that you’ve been coming.”

I started to thank him for the sweet sentiment, but the statement itself was odd, it made my heart pick up in a way that I couldn’t manage to identify. I moved slowly, standing up and turning to face him as a mix of hope and confusion settled in my throat.

“I realized you’ve been coming a few years ago. But I was having some trouble figuring out the schedule. I’ve been waiting for you,” He said, and the desperation was evident in his voice, swirling with relief, with joy, with adoration. His face was unfamiliar, his voice too, but looking at him felt more familiar than even my own soul settled inside of me did.

“You…” I started, my hand rising to cover my mouth. “You’re here. You’re…alive.”

He was young, in his early twenties maybe, and his hair was darker than it had been when I’d seen him last. His smile was different now, wider, and sweeter, and it showed off a row of braces that made your stomach flutter. His eyes were a different shade of brown now, but he was so clearly himself, so entirely and wholeheartedly the other half of your soul.

“I’m Seungmin. And you?” He asked. It was almost funny to be introducing myself to the person I’d been aching for over the past sixty-five years, but I didn’t mind the awkwardness, it was watered down by the awe. After all, our souls had been recycled, revived, and we were different now. We had different bodies, different stories, and different voices, but we were just as meant for one another as he had ever been.

“Y/N. I’m Y/N.”

And I stepped forward, reaching out tentatively to trace his face and reacquaint myself with him. His arms wrapped around me, pulling me tight to him. I couldn’t remember the last time that being held had felt so good. This was what my being, my soul, my entirety had been waiting for; To be reborn in his arms, to have my Sky, my Seungmin with me for just a little while longer. To find him in every life that I would live for the rest of my eternity

[barrysmanbun]

Barry NSFW Alphabet

A/n: this was not planned and therefore is not edited

~

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Getting you a cool washcloth to wipe you down with, while whispering to you soothingly about how good you were. Small kisses on your forehead and cheek. Just laying there to catch your breath for a while afterward, probably smoking a joint as you do.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Barry’s favorite part about himself is his hands. From his time in the army to working as a mechanic to rolling joints every day his hands have had a lot of practice with skilled, steady movements. If you catch my drift.

His favorite body part on his partner is really anything he can grab onto. Your hips: pulling you in for a hug or squeezing them to get your attention when you’re talking to someone else. Your thighs: pulling you towards him while he sits in his chair so you can stand between his legs, making it all the easier to kiss you. Your ass: cupping it and lifting when you’re kissing just so he can hear that little half-moan he loves so much. Your breasts: massaging them while you leisurely make out on his bed, too high and too hot to move any faster.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves to come on you, painting your stomach or your thighs. Just seeing it on you gives him this sense of pride and satisfaction. His favorite place to come on you, though, is you face. When you let him it is nearly enough to get him riled again, fiercely pleased that he gets to mark you in such a way.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Barry has been thinking about fucking you since before you even talked to him for the first time. The first time he saw you he took one look at you and was imagining bending you over the nearest surface and fucking you into oblivion. The talking stages was arguably his best shows of restraint in his entire life, and by the time you guys finally got to the sex stage of your relationship he had enough fantasies he wanted to act out to fill an entire notebook.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Barry is fairly experienced in the sex part of your relationship, having multiple casual partners in the past, but when it comes to the romantic part of your relationship he has no idea what he’s doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He knows it’s very vanilla of him but he thinks missionary is the best. Best access to everything he wants, your breasts, your clit, your lips, and he gets to see your face. Besides, there are so many different positions just within missionary that you guys can do to keep things interesting. His second favorite position would have to be when you ride him, specifically when he gets to sit up when you ride him Once again because he gets access to everything and it’s so much easier to see your face.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Barry is serious at the moment but only to keep the moment intimate. He can have a good laugh about things and will sometimes chuckle to himself when you do something cute or say something naive.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He doesn’t shave but he keeps it short. And the carpet definitely matches the drapes, dark with a little bit of a curl.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He can be very intimate, slow and sweet and romantic, but it depends heavily on his mood. If he hasn’t seen you in forever and he missed you more than he was horny he would definitely be very romantic about it.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he was a single bachelor living alone he would probably jerk off once or twice a week, but otherwise he would get a girl for that. And on the days he knows he won’t be seeing you for a while he will definitely do it just so he can send teasing pics for phone sex.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Begging: Barry loves to get you to the point that you’re begging for him to finally fuck you or finally let you cum, just knowing you need him that bad is better than any high he could get from drugs. And it’s just so pretty when you get so desperate that one tear rolls down your face.

Choking: No matter the sex position, chances are Barry has his hand on your throat, just tight enough for you to feel it.

Bondage: Handcuffs, a tie, a piece of loose fabric, your own panties, even his own hands, he loves having that much control over you. Able to do anything to you, and you can’t even resist. Plus, he loves the sight of you pulling at your restraints with the need to touch him as he brushes his fingers along your chest and abdomen to make you squirm.

Knife & gun kink: though Barry would never hurt you just knowing he has the power too, and that you trust him not to, arouses him to no end.

Exhibitionism: this is very loose because while Barry does not want to let other people see the two of you having sex, having sex in public places (on the side of a back road with you bent over his motorcycle) or with people in the next room (asking you to help him with something in his room and then having a quickie while his customers wait in the living room because he just couldn't wait anymore)

Marking: Barry loves seeing his mark on you, hickies across your neck and chest, bruises in the shapes of his fingertips on your hips and thighs, and wearing his clothing out in public or around the house.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

You guys have fucked on every surface in his house and yours, on probably every back road, on his bike, on the beach, everywhere you can think of you and Barry have most definitely fucked there. But his favorite is probably the bed because then you guys can relax without worrying about getting caught afterward.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He loves to feel you run your fingers through his hair in any situation: while he rests his head in your lap, while you kiss him, while you sit in his lap. It’s relaxing and he catches himself letting his eyes slide shut and his head lull back but when you add just a little tug it immediately gets his engine revving.

He loves seeing you in his clothes, when you walk around in just his shirt or his sweatpants, or leaving the house before he wakes up and returning home and he sees you wearing clothes that are obviously his and he knows you went out and other people saw you in his clothes.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Blood play or cuckolding. Barry doesn't want to share you (except with maybe one stuck-up kook who shall not be named) and he also doesn't want to hurt you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Barry loves receiving, loving the sight of you on your knees in front of him, but he also loves giving. His partner's pleasure is just as important to him as his own and he loves showing off his skills (how quickly he can make you come with just his tongue)

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Barry is usually fast and rough. This boy has lots of pent-up anger, on top of never being able to get enough of you. But sometimes he gets into these romantic moods (that you're forbidden to tell anyone about) where he just wants to take his time pleasuring you, drawing it out as long as he can.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He loves quickies. He prefers normal sex but he'll take a quickie if that's all he can get.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He's down to experiment with almost anything. He has a lot of experience and knows what he's doing so I doubt you'll be introducing anything he hasn't heard of but he'll still love to try it out with you.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can go for one or two rounds and then he needs to give his dick some time to recuperate. But that doesn't mean his mouth and hands are out of business.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't really mind toys one way or another. He's not so insecure that he refuses to have them but he also knows that he doesn't need them to get you off so having toys is totally up to you and what you want to try.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He loves to tease but he cannot take it when you tease him back. He'll tease you all day, whispering dirty words in your ear, telling you what he wants to do with you, slapping your ass as he walks by or secretly groping you while you kiss or hug. But the second you start teasing him he's on the edge of his seat.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's not particularly loud, with groaning and grunting and lots of swearing. He actually goes quiet when he cuts, tensing up and squeezing his eyes shut and then afterward he swears and rolls over to lay next to you on the bed.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

To elaborate on 'T' he cannot take teasing at all. If you try to tease him he'll catch your wrist and give you a warning look. The more you try the more aggravated he'll get till he pulls you away from whatever you're doing/whoever you're talking to so he can fuck you in the nearest empty room.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

A little above average length, about 6 ½ inches, and moderately thick.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is pretty average. It gets higher when he doesn't see you in a while or if you're being particularly bratty but otherwise it's average.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

He waits until you've fallen asleep, making sure you're cuddled up to his chest, then he allows himself to fall asleep as well.

~~

Tags:

@pogueslandia

[multifandomfanficss]

Perfect

Doctor x Reader (Platonic!Jack x Reader)

Prompt: When on an adventure with the Doctor and Jack the reader is attacked by an alien called a Psyfon, a race with psychic abilities who feed off of emotions. The reader gets stuck in their perfect dream realm and the Doctor has to save them before they die in there.

Warnings: Dead family members.

A/N: Pretty much any Doctor can be used, but I mostly thought of 10 and 11 while writing it. The aliens were inspired by the Djinn from Supernatural. I was also inspired by Doctor Who: The Infinite Quest a little bit so if you’re a fan of the main series you should totally check that out. Also please let me know if I made an error in pronouns. I tried to make the reader gender neutral so everyone could relate. 

You had been traveling with the Doctor for a while now and had run into Jack not long after you met him. When you first met Jack, an old friend of the Doctor’s, you didn’t believe him when he said he had known the Doctor for over a century. Judging by his earthly appearance and his age there was no way this could be true, but after watching him die you quickly learned of his immortality. 

You met the Doctor when he saved you from the Cybermen. Sadly he couldn’t save your family from such a terrible fate, but he got you out just in time. Ever since then they had been your biggest fear. Jack and the Doctor had lived for so long they both knew what it was like to lose the people they cared for most...nobody knew better than the Doctor. They helped you get through the pain that came after such a big loss. The Doctor would often hear crying coming from your room during your early nights on the TARDIS when he sat up late in the console room and he would be at your side in seconds to comfort you. He was always there for you no matter what. You wouldn’t have gotten to this point without him. By now the nightmares had gone away, mostly, and the scars had stopped bleeding, but they were still there. They would always be there. This history was a part of you forever, your history, and you were just lucky enough to have the Doctor in it. If you’re being completely honest with yourself you had grown a little bit of a crush on the Doctor. I mean who wouldn’t? He’s the Doctor. You loved him, but you would never tell him. You were happy living with his ignorance. Life was better in the bliss of your friendship. 

It had been just a normal adventure with your two best friends, Jack and the Doctor, but then again nothing was ever really normal with them. You were separated from your boys as your ran down a long dark corridor. Your shoes slapped against the cold, hard pavement as you rounded the corner. When you looked behind you there seemed to be nothing chasing you anymore. You stopped to catch your breath. 

The three of you had been investigating a series of psychic attacks that were leaving people brain dead and full of a strange blue goo. You weren’t sure what kind of alien could do such a thing, but you knew you had to find out. 

“(Y/N)?!” I hear Jack yell in a hushed tone. His voice echos throughout the empty building. You turn to look for him when you start to hear ringing in your ears and a giant pounding in your head. You feel your eyes close as your body hits the ground. 

THIRD PERSON POV

Jack stood next to (Y/N)’s body with his gun aimed at the monster while the Doctor crouched down to check their pulse. 

“You better hope they’re still alive!” Jack said as he shoved his big gun in the monster’s face. Usually the Doctor would object to pointing guns at people, but he was so worried about (Y/N) he didn’t have time to care about Jack’s manners. 

“What did you do to them?!” The Doctor asks standing up to look at the alien. They were from a species called Psyfons, a group of aliens who feed off the emotions of other people. 

“Don’t worry, they’re only sleeping,” the alien slurred. 

“For now,” they added. Jack hit the alien with the butt of his gun and knocked them out. The Doctor gave him a disapproving look.

“You should be happy. Knocking them out was the least I could do” Jack joked. The Doctor rolled his eyes and dropped down to (Y/N)‘s body again. Jack joined him this time. They were sweating. He placed his hand over their forehead.

“They’re burning up” Jack stated the obvious. 

“Yes, I know I-I I have to do-do this thing-“ The Doctor starts stuttering. 

“Then do it!” Jack cuts him. 

“But I can’t! I swore I’d never do it again! Not since-“ He started to get a little choked up.

“Since what?!” Jack questioned. 

“Not since Donna” The Doctor finished sadly. Jack put a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder. 

“It’s the only way to save them” Jack told him.

“It was the only way to save her too” The Doctor says sadly.

“Maybe it’ll be different this time” Jack suggests.

“We don’t know that” The Doctor says coldly as he puts his hands to (Y/N)’s head and enter’s their mind. 

(Y/N)’S POV

You wake up laying in the grass in front of your old house. You hear the sound of birds and the sun is just a little too bright for comfort, but it’s home. You take a deep breath of the fresh air. You smile, but you’re confused. You look over to see the Doctor standing in the TARDIS door. Jack is nowhere to be seen. 

“Where’s Jack?” You ask. 

“Oh, popped off to see his friends at Torchwood, I suppose” The Doctor tells you. You nod as you look back to your house. 

“And we’re home because...” You wonder.

“The Psyfon knocked you out. I figured this would be a nice, safe place to rest for a while” He reminds you. 

“And I couldn’t just rest in the TARDIS?” You ask.

“I thought this would be a nice surprise” He says. 

“What year is it?” You ask. You doubt he would be able to bring you to a time period where your family is alive, but it never hurts to ask. 

“2021” He answers.

“So they’re not here” you say sadly.

“Who’s not here?” He asks.

“My family” You say becoming more sad, but more confused by the second. How could he just forget like that? You know he’s lived for a long time, but surely he wouldn’t forget something this important to you. Would he? He gives you a confused look.

“Doctor, my family is d-“ You’re cut off by the sound of a door opening. 

“You didn’t tell us you were coming!” You hear a voice say. You stop dead in your tracks and you go white. It can’t be. 

“Mom?” You say as you turn around to see her. You run to her and engulf her in a giant hug. 

“Woah, what’s that for?” Your mother asks delighted, as you practically knock her down. 

“I just missed you. That’s all” You say as you try to hold back your tears. 

“Where is everybody?” You ask, as it suddenly dawns on you that your family is alive. 

“Your father went to go pick up your brother and sister from school” She informs you. The Doctor comes up behind you and takes your hand. He squeezes it, giving you a big smile. He is an impossible man, but you never knew he could do something like this for you. 

“Why don’t you two come in? It’s almost time for tea” Your mother invites you in. You gladly accept, of course. You watch your mother go into the kitchen as you pull the Doctor aside into the living room and hug him tightly. 

“Thank you” You tell him. That’s when you start to let go of a few tears. 

“I figured it was time to go home” He says happily. The hug lingers a little longer than usual. He just holds you. Then he places a quick kiss to your cheek, just missing your lips. Your face goes red. This is completely out of character for your relationship with the Doctor. Sure you had always wanted to be something more, but he didn’t need to know that. You didn’t want your relationship with him to change. You figure it’s best to just dance around the subject. You pull away and clear your throat. 

“So, um...how did you do it?” You ask.

“Do what?” He asks looking lovingly into your eyes. 

“Bring my family back?” You ask with a slight chuckle.

“I didn’t” He says simply. That’s when your head begins to ring again. 

“Let me in, (Y/N). That’s it.” You hear the Doctor’s voice, but his lips aren’t moving. Suddenly there is a light and the Doctor shifts uncomfortably. He cracks his neck and stretches out his arms. 

“Good thing there was a body here for me to jump into or else that could have been disastrous” He comments. You give him a confused look. 

“Oh, yes! I’m sorry (Y/N), but none of this is real” He says plainly. 

“What?” You ask. This all certainly looks and feels real. The sound of a kettle whistle comes from the kitchen. The Doctor sniffs the air. 

“Is that tea?” He asks. 

“Tea’s ready!” Your mom calls from the kitchen. 

“Doctor, you need to tell me what’s going on right now” You demand. He looks into the kitchen and makes a face.

“The Psyfon. It put you in a dream state so it could feed off your energy and emotions. You’re dying in the real world. Turning to goo” He held out the last word as he made a face of disgust and interest. He gave you a sad look as he started to put the pieces together, of where you were and who you were with. You started to feel your legs give out from underneath you. The Doctor guided you to a chair. 

“I want to stay” You say numbly. 

“(Y/N), none of this is real” He starts.

“I don’t care. I want to stay” You repeat. 

“You’ll die in here” He begins. 

“Time works differently in dreams. I could easily spend my whole life here-“ You try to rationalize it.

“You’ll never see me again” The Doctor tries. 

“There’s a version of you here-“ You try, but are cut off again. He crouches down to your level and takes hold of your hands. 

“(Y/N), none of this is real. It will never be real. Your pain balances out your beauty. There wouldn’t be one without the other and that’s what makes you human and you are SO human. This is all in your head. You will be alone in here forever. Please just come home with me. There are people there who will miss you. Come back with me, back to the TARDIS, please!” He results to begging as a last ditch effort. 

“How can I go back when everything is so perfect here? I’m perfect here. I’m not a mess. I can just be me” You start to cry. 

“You’re always perfect to me and that little bit of mess makes you human. It doesn’t lessen your beauty or your creativity or your kindness. It just adds to who you are as a person” He says, wiping away a tear.

“Please. Come home with me” He begs. You nod in response as he gives your hands a squeeze. He gives you a sad smile. You stand together and you hear the doorbell ring. 

“That must be your father. He forgot his keys again” Your mother laughs as she walks to the door. The door opens and the Doctor pushes himself in front of your as three Cybermen crash through the door. 

“DELETE” One yells, as it kills your mother. 

“NO” You scream, as the Doctor tries to keep you from running towards her.

“She isn’t real! Come on!” He yells over the sound of pounding Cybermen feet as he pulls you out the back way to the garden.

“Where’s the TARDIS?” He asks. 

“It’s on the other side of the house!” You say as you pull him around the building. You lay your eyes on the beautiful blue box as the Doctor shoves his key inside. 

“YOU WILL BE UPGRADED” The Cybermen shout. Once unlocked, you push your way through the doors to find a hollow Police Box. 

“Why is this happening?!” You cry. The Doctor places his hands on your shoulders. 

“The dream is turning into a nightmare to try to keep you here. (Y/N), come on. You have to think. What’s keeping you here?” He asks.

“My family is dead!” You cry.

“Yes, something else” He tries to think. You look at his thinking face. His beautiful thinking face and it strikes you. 

“I’m in love with you” You blurt out.

“What?!” He looks back at you with a confused look. 

“The version of you here. I think he felt the same way” You give him an embarrassed look. He lets go of a big breath. 

“Well...” He starts as he tilts his head. 

“I suppose if admitting the way I feel gets us out of here then the real me doesn’t feel very different” He finishes quickly. 

“Wait, what?!” You respond. He gives you his classic Doctor smile before the Cybermen fade. Everything fades. The world goes black. 

You wake up crying with a pounding headache in your bed in the TARDIS. The Doctor rushes in just like old times. 

“It’s okay. I’m here” The Doctor tells you as he sits on your bed and wraps his arms around you. 

“I just had the most insane dream” You start to tell him. 

“Well...” His voice fades. 

“Doctor, was that real?” You ask him. He pulls back to look at you. 

“In a sense, yes” He goes on to explain the effects the Psyfon had on you and how he went into your mind to save you. He explains how you were unconscious when you came out of the dream state and that he brought you back to your room on the TARDIS to rest.

“Where’s Jack?” You ask.

“He’s bringing the Psyfon to the Shadow Proclamation for me where they will be tried for their psychological attacks. They won’t hurt anyone anymore” He promises. After you’ve calmed down somewhat he gets up to leave the room. 

“You should get some rest” He says opening the door. 

“Wait! Doctor, do you think maybe you could stay with me? Just until I fall asleep?” You ask. 

“Of course” He responds as he awkwardly climbs into your bed and wraps his arms around you. You almost forget about your confessions until he kisses you on the cheek. 

“Goodnight, (Y/N)” He says sweetly.

“Goodnight, Doctor” You say as you drift off to sleep to the sound of his dual heartbeats. 

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Hayloft p.4

Pairing: Arvin Russell x F!Reader

Summary: Your dad brings home his new coworker, Arvin Russell, telling you that he’ll be living with the two of you for a while. While attempting to keep Arvin from seeing the disfunction of your relationship with your father, the two of you grow closer than you thought. (Inspired by “Hayloft” by Mother Mother, though that’ll really only be one chapter later on so I don’t know if it really counts…)

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, death, abuse, and sexual assault (depictions of none, though), alcoholism/ drunkenness, mentions of teen pregnancy, mentions of infidelity, murder

Word Count: 6.4k

A/N: Pretty lightly edited, just a warning

Read the Previous Chapters!

Part 1  Part 2 Part 3

“Hey, hun, what can I getcha?” You leaned into your popped hip, pen and notepad in hand.

A man you hadn’t met before, clearly someone just passing through town, was sitting across the diner bar in a light blue button-up and suspenders. He was fairly clean cut save for the day-old scruff across his face. He studied the menu intensely before setting it down and looking up at you with a sweet-as-pie smile. “Can I please have coffee with some cream and the grits?” He asked with a southern drawl.

You scribbled down his order on the notepad, “That all?”

“Mhm, I think so. Thanks doll.” He slid the menu towards you before reaching for a newspaper that had been left on the counter beside him by the last patron. You turned around to pin the man’s order on the little turnstile for the chef when the little bell on the door rang.

Tucking your notepad back into the apron tied around your waist, you grabbed the pot of coffee from the counter and poured the man a cup of the rich black liquid. Next, you prepared a little ceramic cup of cream and walked back to set them on the counter in front of him. His polite thanks were only the background when you saw Arvin walk behind the man and shoot you a smile before settling down in a seat at the bar only a few seats away.

You walked over to him and leaned on the counter with a smile, “Well, hey there stranger. You on lunch already?”

Arvin nodded, looking to you hopefully, “Yeah ‘n I was hopin’ you might be too so I could grab a bite to eat with my favorite girl.”

“Shh!” You hushed him with exasperated wide eyes, like it should have been obvious that he needed to keep his voice down, because in your mind it was. You nodded your head to the other patrons in the diner. “Y’know word travels fast in little towns like this ‘n I don’t need my daddy findin’ out ‘bout us,” you whispered to Arvin who sighed in annoyed understanding. You knew he wasn’t annoyed at you but the situation was less than ideal.

He tapped his fingers on the counter and his knees bounced under the bar, “So is that a no for lunch?”

You glanced over your shoulder to look at the clock that hung on the wall. It was only eleven in the morning but maybe you could ask Charlene if she could cover so you could take an early lunch. “Let me double check real quick.” You held up a finger to excuse yourself into the back to find your coworker.

No more than ten minutes later, you and Arvin walked out to his car with two take-out boxes of burgers you had managed to swipe from the kitchen in hand. He slid into the driver’s seat while you planted yourself beside him in the passenger’s. You handed him one of the boxes of food before opening your own and

digging into the small handful of fries. “So how is your day going so far?”

Arvin took a large bite of his burger, covering his mouth with his hand has he tried to speak and chew at the same time, “Ain’t too bad. I got an engine to rebuild for an old Ford when I get back but nothin’ too terrible. How ‘bout you?”

“Ready to go home already,” you chuckled, popping a fry in your mouth, “But it ain’t too bad here either. Just would like to not be here.”

Arvin laughed a little beside you, “I know how that feels. Thanks for the burgers by the way. I appreciate it. I don’t want you gettin’ in no trouble for stealin’ food.”

You shrugged off his concern, “Don’t worry ‘bout it. If people don’t eat it, it just goes in the trash anyways. I ain’t gonna get in any trouble.”

He let out a heavy breath, resigning to your insistence, which he really just found an adorable confident stubbornness. A comfortable silence fell over the unmoving car as the two of you ate your lunches in the parking lot. When you finished chewing your bite, you looked over at Arvin, “How long you been livin’ with us?”

Arvin looked up at the brick wall straight ahead in thought, “Maybe five months now. Longer than I meant to-"

"I didn't mean it like that! I was just wonderin'...." you got awkwardly quiet for a moment, "Havin' you 'round has been the best five months in a really really long time."

"For me too. When I came into town, I thought I'd be livin' in my car. Didn't know how lucky I'd be gettin' to live with the most beautiful girl in the world." His hand reached over to your thigh, squeezing lightly.

Even after all of his sweet affections and compliments, they never failed to make your cheeks ache from trying not to blush and smile like a schoolgirl. “You really think flattery will get you somewhere?” you giggled teasingly, turning towards him and nudging his leg with your hand.

“Well it got me in your house so…” He teased back, something that he had been doing more often in the last few weeks. Arvin had never been the most humorous of people, aside from the occasional chuckle or hidden smile. That had been changing since the two of you had gotten closer though.

“Uh, no! It might get you kicked outta my house though if my daddy ever finds out.” It started as chuckle but the words faded into concerned worry as you realized how true they could really be.

Arvin sensed the shift, “You really think your daddy would kick me out if he found out ‘bout us?”

You nodded, “Without a doubt. Would probably throw me out too.” You shifted so you were sitting on your bent leg, suddenly uncomfortable.

He began cautiously, “I mean… would that really be such a bad thing?”

You whipped your head to look at him, “I ain’t got nowhere else to live right now. I been savin’ up for a year to move out but it ain’t enough to buy a place of my own yet.”

“How much you got?”

That number was in your head immediately, one that you kept a running total of with every paycheck. “$4,317.” It wasn’t enough, though, and you knew it. Even the old run down houses around town cost $12,000, which meant you weren’t even halfway to the fixer-uppers, not that you minded buying a fixer upper. “I don’t need a mansion or nothin’ but it ain’t nearly enough for even something small.”

Arvin chewed his lip, thinking about the box of cash he’d been stashing away with each of his paychecks as well. He knew exactly what it was like in your position, struggling to save up the money to get on your own feet. He hated relying on others and, even though he really liked you, he hated depending on your and your father for shelter. “You ain’t gonna be stuck in this ol’ town forever,” he promised you and it came out just like that. A promise. “You’re too good for this place.”

Another smile forced its way onto your face at his words of hope, “I’ll get outta here eventually…”

Suddenly, a familiar male voice yelled your name and you flinched. You turned towards the voice to see your boss, Harold, standing at the backdoor of the diner with his hands on his hips. He gave you a stern look and tapped the watch on his wrist before pointing at you then jabbing his thumb over his shoulder towards the door.

“Shit! I totally lost track of time!” You scrambled to gather up the trash from lunch and stuffed it into the paper bag you’d brought it out in. “I’m sorry, I have to run!”

Arvin had nearly jumped out of his skin when your name had been yelled, the only person he’d ever heard calling you that way being your father. He crumbled up the paper wrapper for his burger and stuffed it in the paper bag for you. “‘M sorry. Didn’t mean to get you in trouble with your boss.”

“Nah, he’s fine,” you waved off the worry dismissively, “He acts all tough but he ain’t nothin’ but a softy.” You opened up the door and began to slide out when you stopped and took a quick glance around. Nobody was in the parking lot, or really anywhere in sight for that matter. In an impulsive swift action, you grabbed Arvin by the collar of his greasy shirt and pulled his lips to yours quickly before pushing him before anyone could see.

He looked stunned, big brown eyes wide and shocked by your courageous kiss. Your heart raced and your cheeks flushed with the exhilaration of actually sneaking a kiss to Arvin in public. It was a dangerous move but your dad was at work and there was nobody else around to see. You tried to hide your excited smile by chewing your bottom lip but it didn’t work. “Thanks for lunch, Arv.”

“Uh - y-yeah. Thank you for the burger.” Arvin stumbled over his words while you slid out of the car and closed the door behind you, leaving the poor boy struggling to make his brain catch up to reality.

“See you at home!” You waved one last time before turning. Arvin watched as you jogged back to the entrance of the diner, your little dress bouncing with every movement. You turned to give him one last glance before you disappeared behind the door.

Work had passed rather uneventfully for you. You put in the last few hours of your shift, went to the grocery store, and then headed home to start on dinner.

Arvin, on the other hand, the rest of his day at work had shaken the good feeling he’d had since his lunch break with you. He had found himself with a wrench in hand, trying to bolt back in the engine he’d been rebuilding for the last few hours. Grease smeared across his shirt, pants, and face despite how hard he tried to keep his dirty hands from ruining his clothes. Even if they were work clothes, he didn’t have that many sets of outfits nor the money to go out and buy more.

“My cousin lives o’er there with his wife. Said the sheriff up and disappeared for a while but they found him dead in the woods.”

Arvin’s head nearly hit the hood of the car that was propped up when he heard those words. He looked over his shoulder to see Davis and Fred, two of the other guys that worked at the mechanics shop, talking over two cans of beer.

“You hear anythin’ ‘bout that, Arvin?” Davis asked, sipping his can.

Arvin’s heart twisted in panic but he shook his head like hadn’t heard what they were talking about, “Hear ‘bout what?”

“Few months back, the sheriff in my cousin’s hometown turned up dead. Someone shot ‘im in the woods outside o’ some small town nearby. His name was like Lodeck or Bodecker or somethin’ like that.” Davis explained the story to both of the guys.

“Eh, pro’lly had it comin’,” Your dad came entered from the storage room with a handful of bolts, “I know I’ve met some sheriffs that deserved a bullet between the eyes.”

Fred rolled his eyes, “Yeah well you’re an angry drunk so I’m sure you’d say that ‘bout anyone who took a drink from you. I’m sure this guy wasn’t that bad. What kinda sick fuck you gotta be to shoot a sheriff? This ain’t no wild west movie where you go gunnin’ down the law.”

“Nah, I heard he was a no good son o’ a bitch. Guess his sister and her husband got murdered the day before. Found tons of pictures o’ them kissin’ on some dead guys. Some real sick shit, Fred. Sheriff might have been in on it too. Regardless, my cousin said he ran into ‘im one time with his wife and the sheriff really was a bastard,'' Davis shrugged off Fred’s comment, refuting the tragedy Fred was trying to make Bodecker’s death by tarnishing his name.

Arvin’s heart was racing and he began to feel dizzy. The images of those few days had haunted him since they had happened but he had found himself thinking about it less and less as the days passed.

“Arvin?”

Arvin shook his head out of the clouds and snapped back into reality, “What?”

“You came into town ‘round the same time all this happened. Did you hear anythin’ about it?” Fred questioned, wiping his greasy hands on his jeans.

The young man just shook his head, “Nah, I ain’t heard nothin’ ‘bout it till now. I heard ‘bout the sister though. Sounds like she and her boyfriend were no good.”

“You know what I think?” Your dad began, picking up a wrench and pointing it in Arvin’s direction, “I think our man Arvin here did the sheriff in!”

Arvin stiffened up, “What? Why would you think that?”

“You come strollin’ along through town with nothin’ but a backpack and no backstory ‘bout the same time four people turn up murdered. Mighty suspicious.” Arvin tried his hardest to stand tall and not allow his fear to show but the tension in his jaw was bordering of painful now.

Davis swatted at your dad, “C’mon, leave the boy alone. There’s gotta be thousands of people in that area that coulda murdered them. Can’t imagine Arvin doin’ such a thing.”

Arvin was grateful for Davis’s trust. If only he deserved it.

“I’m only jokin’! Y’all a bunch of whiny little girls, can’t take a fuckin’ joke.” Your dad grumbled to himself, swatting his hand towards his coworkers.

“Ah, shut up.” Fred stood up from the table he’d been sitting at and laid back down on the dolley before sliding under the jacked up Chevy he had been tasked with. “Ain’t nobody ‘round here takes you seriously.”

Arvin watched as your dad walked past Fred, kicking him in the leg and earning a loud exclamation of annoyance, but it was as if he were disconnected from the whole scene. He had tried so hard to forget what had happened back in Knockemstiff and Coal Creek, though it seemed damn near impossible considering it had uprooted his entire life. This tiny town a few hours away was his safe haven, his new beginning. He never would have imagined that anyone this far away would have heard about the murders.

Hearing Davis and Fred bring up Bodecker’s name made Arvin’s blood turn to ice in his veins. What kinda sick fuck you gotta be to shoot a sheriff? Fred’s words played over and over in Arvin’s head. This was just what he was worried about. This was why he ran. Nobody would believe Bodecker was trying to kill him first. Self defense didn’t mean shit when it was against the law. The same with Reverend Teagarden. A man of the word? Arvin didn’t stand a chance if anyone found out what he’d done.

“Hey son,” Davis’s soft voice made Arvin nearly jump out of his skin, “Don’t take nothin’ that ol’ man says to heart. I’m sure you know since you been livin’ with him that he’s just a cranky ol’ drunk who don’t know when to shut up. You’re a good kid, Arvin. Ain’t none of us actually think you did it.”

Arvin looked down at where Davis’s hand rested on his shoulder, the same way his dad used to touch his shoulder when he was reassuring him. He forced a small appreciative nod and a strained appearance of being unbothered, “It’s alright, Davis. I know he’s just kiddin’ ‘round. I ‘ppreciate it though.”

_

Your father arrived at home before Arvin, much to your dismay. Elvis Presley’s Blue Hawaii album was spinning on the record player when he came into the kitchen, kicking his boots off by the door.

“Hey, daddy! How was work?” You asked, mashing a bowl of potatoes for dinner.

He made a line directly to the fridge, grabbing a beer and popping the tab off with no effort, “It was alright. Damn Gilligan blew out the transmission on his truck so I been stuck fixin’ that up all day. Lookin’ forward to this right here.” Your father lifted up the beer bottle and sipped it with satisfaction. Yeah, I’m sure you were, you thought, rolling your eyes with your back turned to your dad.

“Well, if you wanna get cleaned up, dinner should be ready in about twenty minutes. More than enough time for a shower,” you offered with a cheerful voice. Lunch with Arvin today had made your day good in a way that was hard to ruin.

“Yeah, I might go do that. What’s for dinner?” Your father walked over and peeked over your shoulder to see what you had cooking on the stove.

“Mashed potatoes, green beans, and chicken.” You cut in a few slices of butter and added them to the bowl of mashed potatoes, sprinkling some salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste.

Expecting some words of discouragement like you usually earned from your father, he just nodded contently and disappeared out of the kitchen towards the bathroom. You turned to watch him walk away, your mouth fallen open in pleased surprise at the fact that you just had a semi-pleasant interaction with your father for the first time in several weeks. You turned back to mixing in the now melted butter into the mashed potatoes when the front door opened yet again.

You looked back to see Arvin walking in through the living room, “Hey, Arv!”

His hands were shoved deep in his pockets and judging by the way his eyes shot up to you, as if he hadn’t expected your greeting, he had been staring at the ground when he walked in. “Hi,” he answered low and short with no emotion one way or the other.

Your brows furrowed, “Everythin’ alright?” Leaving the food on the counter and wiping your hands on your apron, you walked out into the living room towards him.

Arvin visibly took a step back and his eyes widened a little, his shoulders squaring up, “Yeah, ‘m good. Just wanna take a shower.”

Before you could get the words out, he had already begun walking away. “My dad’s already in the bathroom,” you called out after him, finally getting him to stop.

Arvin didn’t turn back to you though, only half glanced over his shoulder, “Oh, alright.” He turned back to continue his walk back to his room.

“Dinner will be ready soon!” You attempted to add, only earning a small thanks in response and the sound of Arvin’s door closing. “O-oh… okay.” You stood alone in the living room, the sound of running water coming from the bathroom and Elvis Presley’s voice filling the room but not loud enough to drown out your concern.

Dinner went by just as uncomfortably. You poked at your mashed potatoes, keeping your gaze stuck down at the food on your plate except for when you glanced over at Arvin who seemed to be actively looking anywhere except for you. This only made you roll your eyes out of frustration and stare back down at your food.

Your dad talked about his day, mostly grumbled complaints, “I don’t get nearly ‘nough respect ‘round here. Damn Fred and Davis callin’ me a drunk. What? A man can’t enjoy a damn beer without being called a drunk! Damn prudes.” When you didn’t respond, he reached over and tapped your arm, “Hey? You even listenin’?”

“Hm?” You tried to make yourself focus on what he was saying this time, “Sorry, long day. What happened?”

“See? I ain’t get no respect at work and I can’t even get no respect at my own damn house from my own damn daughter!” He grumbled, the feet of the wooden chair scraping against the ground as he stood up forcefully, swaying a little side to side but bracing himself on the wall to walk out of the room.

You didn’t even possess the mental capacity to care about his little tantrum. Your mind was swimming with confusion and, honestly, anger, at Arvin’s little unexplained silent treatment. “Okay, what’s wrong?” You asked, leaning towards Arvin.

“Nothin’.” He answered simply, taking a sip of his water. His voice was low and he still refused to make eye contact, despite nothin’ being wrong.

“That’s a lie. Everythin’ was fine this mornin’ and now you’re suddenly not talkin’ to me. Won’t even look at me! What the hell, Arvin? Did I say somethin’ wrong?” Thinking back, there wasn’t anything you had said earlier that you could imagine warranting such a negative response from Arvin so your confusion and concern had quickly turned to frustration.

Arvin shook his head, “No, no, you ain’t did nothin’ wrong.”

“Then what is it?” You practically begged him to tell you. You hated being upset at him when clearly something was bothering him but this felt like he was just playing some broody guessing game with you, something you got enough of from your dad.

Stress shone through Arvin’s eyes and he met your gaze finally, if only for a second, before looking away again. You could see there was a flicker of something you hadn’t seen in him before but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Whatever it was, it was really bothering him and you felt guilty for being upset. You just couldn’t understand why you suddenly were being ignored for something that apparently had nothing to do with you.

“I can’t tell you.”

Arvin’s admittal just made you more upset. “So you’re not mad at me but you’re ignoring me and can’t tell me why?”

Arvin hadn’t seen you look at him this way. At your father, yes, but he was unaccustomed to that raised eyebrow and frustratedly desperate crack in your voice being directed towards him. He hated it. He hated knowing that he was causing you to feel upset and helpless when he was supposed to be your escape from those exact feelings.

But he couldn’t bring himself to tell you the truth. You’d think he was a monster. You’d hate him. He’d lose the one good thing he had in his life because-

Arvin shook his head, “‘M sorry.” He looked anywhere but at you because he couldn’t stand to see the way your face fell, though he could practically feel your heart fall from across the table. He didn’t need to see it. He knew.

“Fine.” You stood up and grabbed your plate, scraping the rest in the garbage and setting the plate in the sink. Your appetite was gone and your patience had snapped, not that you had been the most patient thus far anyways.

Arvin watched as you stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed your coat off the coat rack by the front door, and walked out of the house. His head hit his hands. No matter how hard he tried to protect those he cared about, he only seemed to hurt them more.

-

You hadn’t expected Arvin to find you here so when the door opened to the old barn, you turned around in surprise. You were curled up in your coat, sitting on an old wooden crate that had been untouched in this unused barn for God knows how long. A large window looked out over the large field that had once been the family farm but was now practically a glorified dirt lot. Your coat was wrapped tightly around your body, held in place with one hand while you held a lit cigarette with the other.

“Didn’t know you smoked,” Arvin took a few steps in, his hands shoved guiltily in the pocket of his denim jacket.

You blew out a large plume of smoke that you had been holding in and looked away, “I don’t too often.”

Arvin closed the barn door behind him as he approached you and you had to fight the urge to get up and leave but you knew that made you no less immature than the way you felt he was acting.

“‘M sorry. I really am.”

You took another drag and turned to him, the moonlight illuminating his features - somehow so boy-like but so rugged - and it was hard to stay mad at him. “I am too. I don’t mean to be dramatic but I just… I don’t understand, Arv. If somethin’s wrong, you can tell me. This whole silent treatment BS with zero explanation doesn’t cut it.”

Arvin let out a heavy breath. While doing the dishes from dinner for you after you stormed off, he had had time to contemplate what to do. And he had decided. “If I tell you, it’s gonna change how you look at me.”

Your head tilted up at his cryptic opener but you said nothing, only urged him to continue with your eyes.

With a deep shaky inhale, he started his story, “I ain’t a bad man but I’ve done some bad things. Things that I thought I could run away from. I been livin’ a lie for a long time, actin’ like I ain’t hurt nobody, but it ain’t true.” Arvin paused for a moment to gauge your reaction and all he saw was fear in your eyes, just as he had feared.

A million thoughts of terrible things people were capable of ran through your head as you tried to figure out which one Arvin could possibly be guilty of, though they all felt so out of character for him. Was it murder? Assault? Rape? Thievery? The man you had come to care for so deeply now swam in a murky pool of doubt and distrust. Arvin saw all this and more in your deep, worried eyes.

“What did you do?” Your voice was weaker than you wanted it to be, cracking with fear. Until today, you hadn’t imagined Arvin capable of doing anything that could real harm to anyone, maybe aside from a stupid fight in high school or something along those lines, but you could see it in his eyes that whatever it was he was trying to confess to really was that bad.

Arvin lost his ability to speak for a moment. He had resolved to tell you everything before even coming out here to talk to you but the fear shining in your eyes already had his heart breaking. It was as if every new line of moonlight reflecting off the growing whites of your eyes was a new stain that he managed to tarnish your view of him with. Arvin had to look away because he couldn’t bear to look at you when he finally admitted his crimes, couldn’t stand to watch your face contort in fear when you realized what a monster he was.

“Y-you remember that preacher I told you ‘bout? The one that hurt my sister?”

You nodded, “Y-yeah…”

Arvin swallowed hard and he gripped his thigh tight enough to turn his knuckles white. “Well few weeks after we buried Lenora, a police officer came up ‘n told me the coroner had found out she was havin’ a baby. None of us knew before. I don’t know how but I just knew it was that no good preacher. I didn’t have any proof though so I started followin’ ‘im ‘n found out he was worse than I thought. He was no good to his wife ‘n I saw him out takin' advantage of another girl in town who was even younger than my Lenora was. He was doin’ nothin’ but hurtin’ people ‘n I… I killed im.”

Your mouth fell open, “You- You killed him?”

Arvin looked down at his feet, “I shot him.”

It was silent as you processed the information. This preacher sounded like a terrible man, abusing young girls and leading one to commit suicide. The infidelity to his wife was a moot point against his other indiscretions and even that was unacceptable. It honestly sounded like Arvin had done a service to the world, taking this monster out of it, but it was still difficult to look at him the same after knowing that he had actually shot someone.

When you didn’t respond, Arvin had decided to continue, not thinking he could cause much more damage, “I ran. Left a note for my grandma and uncle and disappeared. I tried hitchhiking my way out of town when I got picked by this couple. They seemed nice ‘nough at first but the husband, he started actin’ real weird. They pulled us way off the road. Said he wanted to take some pictures but then I saw him pull out a gun and then he tried pullin’ me outta the car. I-I panicked and I kicked the door into him ‘n I shot ‘im before he could get me.”

Arvin’s voice was cracking as tears began to fall down his face. It was one thing to replay the memories in his own head but it was another thing entirely to actually confess his sins to someone he cared so deeply about, knowing the truth would most likely hurt you. “The wife, she pulled out a gun and pointed it at me ‘n I pointed mine at her. I begged her to put the gun down. I-I didn’t wanna shoot her. I really didn’t. I was so tired of killin’ but then she apologized ‘n I knew she was gonna pull the trigger. We both shot at the same time. I got no clue how she didn’t shoot me. I fell out the car without a scratch but I when I got up, I realized I got her through the neck 'n she was gone. I panicked ‘n searched the car. Found all these pictures of her all naked and huggin’ up on some naked dead guy ‘n I knew… I knew I was gonna be next.”

Your brain sprinted a mile a minute to try and keep up with the trauma Arvin was confessing and you didn’t know whether to hug him and let him cry on you or run as far away as possible.

“Then-”

“There’s more?” You wanted to beg him to stop talking, to stop telling you about the blood on his hands, to stop telling you about all the suffering he had been through. You sounded shocked and heartbroken and yet none of these tragedies were yours.

Arvin hiccuped and sniffled in a failed attempt to hide a sob. Red had taken over his features, both physically and metaphorically. Obviously distraught by his past and now your reaction, he felt like he was beginning to spiral down that hole of darkness that he had tried so hard to claw his way out of. There were nothing but snakes down there, ready to bite him and poison his mind with the words he had fought so desperately to keep out. Murderer. Stalker. Liar. Sinner. All of these and so many more.

Yet, he nodded, feeling as if he’d still be lying if he didn’t finish telling you everything. When he nodded, you made a small squeak of disbelief.

“I-I ran,” He sniffled out, “I hitchhiked my way back to my old hometown. I didn’t know why at first but I just needed to go home. Felt like maybe I could fix what had been broken there. Went there to find it all burnt down but then this sheriff came lookin’ after me. Turns out he was that lady’s brother - the one who shot at me and had the pictures of the cut up dead guys. He was all angry and wanted to kill me for shootin’ his sister. I tried… I tried to tell ‘im that she was no good and that she was gonna kill me but he didn’t wanna listen. He was shootin’ at me and… and… I ain’t had no choice.”

It was silent, aside from the ambient bugs chirping outside. You had tried so hard to focus on Arvin’s face but you had long since zoned out visually, only able to focus on the words he was saying. How could he have gone through all of this? How could your wonderful, amazing, beautiful Arvin Russell have survived so much suffering and been forced to murder people? Murder.

“Please say somethin’.”

Your lips quivered as your vision came back into view and all you saw was a tearful, fearful, remorseful boy before you on the brink of falling apart. Arvin’s hair was messy from having run his hands through it, his eyes were red and puffy from the tears, his breathing was shaky from remembering. There were no words.

You threw your arms around his neck and held him tightly to you. You didn’t know what else to do. How does someone respond to information like this? There was so much trust that Arvin needed to put in you to tell you - you couldn’t freak out.

“You don’t hate me?” His hands flew to your arms, prying them off his neck so he could see your face.

Your head shook, “How could I hate you for what you did?”

“I murdered four people.”

“You took out a disgusting predator who practically killed your sister and was harming who knows how many other girls. Then you killed a couple of murderers who pulled guns on you first in self defense. And then, yet again, you were put in a life or death situation with a sheriff who was shootin’ at you for killin’ his murderin’ sister. Three of those were self defense and I’d dare say that first one was a public service. You have nothin’ to be sorry for. You have nothin’ to regret. You did what you had to do to survive.” You squeezed Arvin’s hands tightly, running your soft thumbs over the lightly calloused skin of his knuckles.

Arvin looked down at your hands on his, hands that were so much smaller than his own but right now felt so encompassing and comforting, as if they wrapped his own in a blanket of protection. He couldn’t believe you were okay with this. He was barely okay with it. “I don’t regret it but I didn’t wanna have to do it. If I coulda let that lady go, if she only woulda listened to me ‘n put the gun down I wouldn’t o’ had to pull the trigger. I coulda let the cops deal with it. Same with the sheriff. If only he woulda listened… I only wanted to shoot the preacher. I was okay with havin’ that on my conscience. But I had no idea how outta control that day was gonna get. All those cold dead eyes starin’ up at you, watchin’ the life drain from someone’s face ‘n knowin’ you’re the one who caused that... Even if they were real fucked up people, it ain’t a sight that’s easy to see.”

“I can’t even imagine what it must’ve been like, Arvin.” Your hand slid up his arm to rest on his bicep and you leaned your forehead onto his shoulder. His arm snaked around your body and held you close but cautious, like he was scared if he held you too tightly that you’d be scared he’d hurt you too. Of course, you weren’t. The thought did cross your mind that perhaps it was unwise to trust a man who just admitted to killing four people but that wasn’t Arvin and you knew it. “You may have killed people but that does not make you a killer. You’re just someone who was put in some really hard situations and had to make some tough choices.”

You pulled back and put your hand on his cheek, slightly scratchy from not shaving that day, and you spoke gently, “You are wonderful, Arvin. You are caring and hard working and loyal and willing to stand up for what is right. You are everything good in this world-”

“I hurt people-”

“You protect people,” you corrected, “‘N if some bad people had to get hurt to keep the good ones safe, well maybe they shouldn’t have been such bad people.”

Arvin could have melted into a puddle at your feet, and likely would have if you hadn’t been holding him. Never had he expected to tell anyone his terrible deeds and in every imagined scenario in which he did, it had never ended well. He had imagined you running for the hills, screaming at him to get out, maybe even threatening him physically out of fear that he’d hurt you now (which he’d never dream of doing).

But you didn’t do any of that. Gentleness and understanding were far from the reaction he’d expected or even felt like he deserved but nevertheless here you were holding him and reassuring him that he wasn’t the monster he’d called himself for so many months.

“I love you.”

His admission surprised you but Arvin felt fully confident in his words. He had never known what love felt like - romantic love at least - but this was damn near the closest thing he could imagine to it. You occupied his thoughts every waking moment, your face and your voice swimming around his imagination in a beautiful ocean of warmth and kindness and goodness that he would gladly drown in. You were strong and responsible and understanding and oh so beautiful. Much like him, you’d been handed a shit hand by life and struggled each day to make the best of it. Arvin cared about you so much it scared him because he had not felt this compulsion towards anyone since Lenora had passed. After losing everything he’d ever loved, he was scared that if he admitted that he loved you, life would take you away from him as well. If there was one thing that you did, though, it was take away Arvin’s fear.

“I love you too, Arvin.” He pulled your body flush against his when you responded, a heavy sigh of relief leaving his chest. Much like Arvin, you hadn’t known what real love felt like. You’d even started believing that maybe you weren’t meant for such a luxury.

Now you and Arvin felt like the richest people in the world, despite having almost nothing to your names. As long as you were in each others’ arms, you had everything. You were each others’ trust, honesty, comfort, compassion, and protection.

_______

Taglist:

@peterswebshooters

@thisisparadisemylove

@justapurrcat

@tomsirishgirlx

@peterswebshooters

@femmme-xxx-fatale

@kittyformannn

@aidinniram

@minejungwoo

@mathletemadison

[starshipsofstarlord]

Stuck in 1903

Part Two

Masterlist

Summary: Damon and Bonnie had come to your rescue, or so you thought, but it is Kai’s every intention to get close to you again

Pairing: Kai Parker x reader

Warnings: angst, smidge of fluff, mentions of smut, mentions of death, mentions of murder, bad friendships, mentions of poison, swearing

Word Count: 2052

Find Part One Here

divider by @firefly-graphics

If the Other Side continued to exist, then you would be there rather than this subordinate prison world which had been designed for one bad witch. Kai's own kind feared him, you had experienced him mentally draining your energy, he was a chore to put up with, but he could do much more than that, you had learnt from Bonnie. He fed off magic, physically stealing it from bodies and items that harboured any of it, which had poisoned his mind to hunt for power. Your friends had informed you that he had murdered his siblings, well some of them anyway, and had attempted to do so to more of them. And now you knew, with supporting evidence, never to trust Malakai Parker.

Without Damon and Bonnie you had to resort to fending for yourself, which was not at all difficult since this version of Mystic Falls that you were trapped in was quite literally a ghost town. The forever enveloping silence was torture, though the method of ignorance had not been designed for you; it was all for Kai, and that unsettled you. There was one more thing that you had been dreading - the possibility that you could not escape from the remote isolation without the aid of the guest starring siphon himself. This hell was built to contain him for eternity, but now there was magic that he could use to his own advantage nearby.

Your cheek rested upon the side of your hand, mushing the flesh whilst your elbow was poised upon the countertop of the kitchen island in the Salvatore house. All of your concentration validated your deep thoughts, of which you were broken from as a plate was placed directly in front of you, a pancake decorated with chocolate chips and syrup to form a smiley face. Damon was the culprit as he threw a tea towel over his shoulder, expectedly looking at you.

"I'm not hungry." You informed the vampire, who simply frowned at your lack of an appetite. "I ate yesterday, which was technically today." Beneath the table, you crossed your ankles, as you earnt a sigh from your well aged friend; he clearly was not impressed by your behaviour. But you didn't know what he had expected from you, you had been trapped here for longer than you could remember, and alone until you had discovered the man that had been outcast by his own family. At the time you had not known of his murderous tendencies, and had wanted nothing more than to get away from him, and you wouldn't like to admit it but you even missed him a little.

He was annoying and cocky, and withheld crucial information from you, though there was something that contradicted that all. Whenever any one of your friends had suffered the fate of death, they were always attempted to be brought back to life against the natural order of things. It made you wonder and doubt a little if they had even tried to resurrect you. In this separated reality, there was no jurisdiction so that you could know, though each time that either Damon or Bonnie looked at you, you could swear that there was guilt written in their gazes.

"Look I knew being stuck here with Kai must have fucked you up-" he should have bit his lip, his assumptions were anything but correct. And that was proven as you defensively darted out of your seat and jabbed your finger in his face, making him pivot his jaw back. There were many things that were 'fucked up', and supposing that you were one of them because you had died after sacrificing yourself to ensure that they all continued to live just didn't settle right with you. The context of the morbid situation did not help with condoning any reassurance at all, in fact, it gave a spine to your lack of faith in him and the others in the first place. Out of everyone, it was inherently worse to be here with Damon, all he had cared about was his precious Elena as well as himself, and after existing for well over a century, that was insurance that he was never going to change.

"It wasn't him who did that to me, it was roaming this damned place by myself, I had no one. And as crazy as it sounds, I think spending time with the notorious Malakai Parker helped me keep what was to spare of my sanity. If I'm not wrong, I may even say that I've found more being here than dealing with the bullshit y'all cause back home." Perhaps your words were a tad harsh, if Bonnie were in the room you were sure that she'd have a somewhat understanding of what you were saying. Though she was not, and thus you had to deal with the harshness of her best friend all by your lonesome. And it seemed that you had rattled him, apparently he couldn't handle the truth.

"Then why don't you run back to the sociopath? When we discovered that you were here, we found the pair of you attached to the hip anyways. And with him inside of you, I'd never seen you so darn happy, better here with him than tempting me to drink bleach from the way that you constantly complained when you were alive; I swear you were worse than Donovan." It was on your mind's own command for you to take a step back, and away from the toxin that Damon had so cruelly spat at you. Ans the way that he compared you to Matt made you angry; it was though he were ignoring that there were valid reasons for the blond to be the way that he was - after all, the monster before you had practically killed his sister. A laugh renegaded out from your mouth as you realised that you had been right all along, none of them cared. You were just a burden that stopped them from having a perfect life together. If this were a book, then this would be the beginning to your villain arc, and ironically enough Damon saw himself as one of the good guys. Now that was utterly ridiculous after every reckless thing that he had ever done!

"Have it your way then bloodsucker." All along, you should have trusted your guy, and from now on you knew that you would listen to it. And strangely enough, it was calling you to Kai, maybe it was because he was your last resort to escaping this imprisonment that had been meant for him alone. Turning on your heel, you heard Damon flop the towel down on the side and sigh, though you continued to walk, appeasing your better judgement elsewhere. "Wait." He tried to convince you to stay, belatedly understanding the mistake that he had made, but it was no use, you were already on your journey of getting as far away as possible from him.

The Mystic Grill, it remained to be familiar in your eyes as you entered. It was empty and void of drunken assholes and narcissists that you had wasted too much time on. The only person that you missed in the modern alternative was Matt Donovan, he was the only person that didn't treat you as though you were invisible or a nuisance. You wondered how he was coping with your absence, knowing him, he was probably relieved that Damon was gone. But you weren't, because he was here with you instead. Trailing your fingertips over the counter of the bar, out of the corner of your eye you saw a lonely glass of bourbon that was sat there as though it were lamenting you with mockery. You tried to hold your sentimental sob inside, but it was practically impossible. It tore through your body, bellowing out from your mouth as you stifled and fought through your tears.

A hand caressed the landscape of your back causing you to jump and flinch from the unexpected contact. One thing that you had learnt from evading and eventually experiencing the qualms of death, was that you could never be too careful. For no more than a second you had predicted that the intruder to your pity party was Damon, that he had followed you as you tried to distance yourself from him, but alas it was not, instead of being greeted by a fretless vampire, you were condemned by the sight of a powerless witch, of whom had purposely interjected your moment of cracked emotion and wore a brave smile for you. Wiping your eyes with the back of your sleeves, you couldn't help but snap at him. "If you're here to finish what we started then tough luck Parker, you've been here long enough and you have two hands, figure something else out."

His tongue darted out to swipe at his own bottom lip, as he raised his hand, showcasing his offering to you. "I was only going to see if you wanted a pork rind, you look like you could use one." Sighing, you dug your hand into the pungent packet that was littered with dust and crumbs, retrieving a few treats for yourself as you placed them in your mouth. "And now should be when the poison kicks in..." With your hand, you gave him a little shove as you tolled your eyes at his homicidal comedy. "Come on, that was funny! I'm funny!"

"If you say so, there's not very many people around to give you an honest opinion." It was true, the only other human like lifeforms impartially close by were Damon and Bonnie, and well, you weren't going to scurry back to them anytime soon. "And if you had poisoned me, then you would know that I would be fine and dandy in not so long, It wouldn't make a difference if that wasn't the case either, I mean I'm already dead, what could be worse than that?" Kai looked at you with shock; he didn't know that about you, that you had actually suffered a final breath. Now he thought about it, the grand scheme of things he didn't know much about you in general, though he was prepared to learn. He had often found death to be fulfilling, satisfying even, but he'd never thought about its victims being so beautiful. Yet here you were before him, by chance the one force that could motivate and help him find a way out of this jarring hole of reaping misery.

"You're here, that's all that matters." As soon as those words fled from his lips he realised exactly what he had said, and a blush framed his features. "I um - that wasn't what I - you know, yeah..." He scratched the back of his neck as you shook your head at this new side that you were seeing of Malakai. His parents called him Malakai, of course he was going to become a killer, but right now you saw nothing more than an embarrassed boy whose skin had flushed as an affect of his own words. From your experience, everyone was either the killer or the killed - you two were one of each. Like ying and yang, you fit perfectly, it was a balanced divide that was settled on whichever rhythm played out in the air. And to correspond with that thought you walked over to the jukebox, a song beginning to play which made Kai want to cover his ears. "I hate this song." He told you; he really did, if he could murder it, he would without a doubt.

"Then don't listen, just dance with me." You extended your hands out to him, to which he begrudgingly reached for. And as he snapped his eyes open, he realised that was all a memory, and that goddamn song was still playing. All he could think about was you, he had seen how upset you had been to die, and yet you were gone again, and it was all down to your so called friends. One was standing before him as he sat in chains, imprisoned against a chair. "Are you here to punish me?" He asked Bonnie, wanting nothing more than shut his eyes and see your face again.

[alixdelcourt]

Penguin Love story

Pairing Shoto Todoroki x female reader

Genre : angst to fluff

WC and warnings : 1.1 k / Loneliness and feeling abandoned.

Note : Penguins express their love to their mates by offering them rocks and pebbles. What an adorable and moving way to say I love you, isn't it ?

Hey everyone, I am back ! I am sorry, I was on hiatus and I didn’t warned you, I am so sorry ! I promise that I’ll catch all your requests up quickly ! Today’s work is for @impalawrites Adelie’s collab. I am sorry it took my like forever to achieve it, really sorry. I hope that you’ll like it, please let me know !

Love ain’t easy every day, especially with a pro hero, and especially with a pro hero who wants to prove his worth to the world. Shoto Todoroki was your beloved absent husband, busy saving people and keeping order in town. Of course, you’re extremely proud of him, no doubt on it, but you kinda felt really lonely recently. Like for example yesterday, you didn’t saw him at all. He left before you woke up and came back when you were sleeping. You missed him, which sounds ridiculous because you and him, as a married couple, live under the same roof, in the same house, and even shared a bed together… But right now, you just came back from your own work, which has normal basic schedule, and this big house felt too empty for you. No husband, no kids around… Just you and yourself.

Okay, it’s useless to wallow in self-pity ! You decide to cook Shoto’s favorite meal for dinner, and maybe if you call him and tell him that it’s homemade noodles tonight, he’ll find his way to come back early and have dinner with you. But nothing happened as you planned…

“Honey ! How was your day ? Not too exhausting ?”

“Not that bad, and not that tiring, but I found enough energy to spend more than an hour in the kitchen ! I cooked you homemade noodles. Your mother gave me her recipe ! It’ll be ready in half an hour, just enough time for you to come back home !”

“Oh… That’s so sweet of you, honey, but I can’t tonight… I am stuck with some paperwork that I really need to finish. I’ll be home late. Don’t wait for me for dinner.”

“I am not hungry… I’ll let you a plate in the fridge. You’ll just have to warm it later. Good night Shoto.”

“Don’t hang up ! Are you okay ? Your voice sounds like… You’re gonna cry…”

“It’s nothing…”

“No. You seem… disappointed. I am really sorry, but I promise that I’ll do my best to finish this boring office work early !”

You hold on a slight sob, but can’t help the tears falling down.

“You know what, Shoto ? I would rather see you with lovers. Or even a mistress. At least one of us would be having fun !”

And you hang up and went directly in your bed. You cried a lot, curled up against Shoto’s pillow. You cried because his absence hurts you, but also because what you said was true.

You were a bit more calm when he finally came back home, really late at night. He probably already ate… You hear him go to the bathroom, take a shower and wear his pajamas before joining you in the bedroom. And what was your surprise when you saw him snuggling in bed, with a jewel box and some of your favorite chocolate. You were lowkey angry, and sad, and mostly disappointed, but you couldn’t help but appreciate his efforts to try and make it up to you. You can see that he is sincerely apologizing, that he really felt sorry. At least, he’s not a total moron… He remembered that you didn’t like flowers and preferred chocolates… But you doubt it when you opened the other box. Sure, it was some fancy, beautiful and expensive jewelry. It only made you angrier, and extremely hurt. You throw the box away with an enraged movement. Sure that he didn’t even take a look to that jewel, since he had no time to do so. So you were looking at something his secretary chose for you. And it disgusted you.

Shoto looks at you, kind of confused by your behavior. His brother assured him that a jewel and some attention could fix the problem, so why do you seem so furious ?

“You know what, Shoto ? Every single rock on your path would’ve been worthier than this cheap junk because you would’ve picked it yourself and maybe you would have think of me during so, instead of letting your secretary chose a random jewel that she’ll like ! You should gave it to her.”

You burst into cries, uncontrolled sobs pouring from your chest, where you could fell your heart squeeze from pain. He tries to hug you, but you push him away. He doesn’t understand !

“I don’t want your money. I don’t want chocolates or whatever cute attention. Even if it’s cute. I want time ! You get that ? I want time with you, I want my husband with me. I want your affection, and more than five minutes a day ! That’s just enough time for good morning or good night… I want more… Do you realize that you might actually see criminals more than your own wife ? Whatever. Good night, Shoto.”

And you went to sleep on the couch. And when you woke up in the morning, he wasn’t in the house. He left already…

In the evening, just as you finished work and were heading home, you received a text message. “Don’t cook tonight.” Here it goes again… But not even an hour later, your husband came back home, hours earlier than usual ! With another jewelry box. Maybe he chose it himself this time. But when you opened it, you found… a rock. A vulgar pebble. You remain speechless, looking at a smiling Shoto.

“I love you, Y/n, and I married you to have you by my side for the rest of my life. So what’s the point in being a hero and saving lives if I lost you doing so ? You are my everything and I am sorry for neglecting you. I promise that I will not do it again. I’ll hire a sidekick or two to have a more normal schedule. And I’ll be with you. Every single morning, and every single night. We can even start a family if you like, so we could give our future child the whole bag of pebbles that I picked up today. I even found a marble near a school during patrol. So please, Y/n, would you forgive me ?”

And how could you say no to this ? His declaration was the best medication for your wounded heart.

“Of course that I am forgiving you, Shoto. I love you too… I love you so much ! But why did you tell me to not cook today ? We have nothing for dinner !”

“We’re eating outside tonight ! And I took a few days off in this week, so maybe could we go somewhere out of town or do whatever you would like…”

You smirked a bit.

“I kinda have an idea about an activity that I really missed doing with you… And we could start right now !”

______________________________________

Here is ! Please let me know if you liked it or not, and if you did like it, feel free to share so other people could enjoy it as well :)

Don't forget to submit a request if you'd like one, I would be happy to oblige !

[mrslilyrogers]

All I Have To Do Is Dream

Pairing: Steve x Reader, Telepath! Reader (X-men reader)

Summary: It’s been five years since the snap. You and Steve are stuck at an impasse. You want a family, he doesn’t. He says he’s moved on but has he really? With your doubts growing, you consider risking his trust and use your powers on him to get your answers once and for all. 

Author’s note: I know I’ve been gone for so long, I’m sorry!! I loved these requests and decided to merge them together. Took a while to write, I haven’t had much inspiration. I’ll keep this short and hope you enjoy this!! Let me know what you think!  

Requests: hi!! first of all i adore your writing (esp. betrayal)!! id willingly chop two of my limbs in exchange of ur writing skills hahah!! can you maybe write a oneshot similar to take my breath away, and the reader and steve are dating, but they’re actually in steve’s dream(like in age of ultron) and she is sad that steve’s still hasn’t moved on from peggy?? and can you make it extra angsty?? sorry if this is too much hehe!! thanks btw :))

Hmmm maybe angst w/ Steve or Bucky where a misunderstanding/bad fight leads to the reader leaving the team?

“Damn it, Steve! Would you just listen? Where the hell are you even going?” your voice boomed around your small apartment as you breathed harshly, trying your best not to pull your hair out of frustration. 

At first, it had all been just petty disagreements, you and Steve letting off some steam after the snap happened. You had thought it was normal at the time, a coping mechanism that needed to be flushed out of your systems never expecting that it would last for as long as it has. Five freakin’ years. By now, you would’ve thought you’d realize how lucky you were to still be alive, to still be together while others couldn’t say the same. And yet...

“Geez, Y/N. I am! For the past 30 minutes! And I’m telling you now what I’ve told you from the start,  I am not ready! You gotta give me more time, doll.” He replied, his voice just a tad calmer than yours but you didn’t miss the tick in his jaw as he walked out of your shared room, shrugging into his jacket. You knew his anger was just brewing inside, ready to attack if you pushed just a little bit harder. After countless back-and-forths, this had become a routine between the two of you with Steve always taking the role of the aggrieved party, ending arguments with an exasperated sigh and a roll of his eyes before he walked away, deciding he had something better to do with his precious time than fight with you. While you, on the other hand, always found that more infuriating, making you impatient and mean, baiting and nagging him until you wouldn’t even recognize the shrill and whine to your own voice.

“And when would that even be? It’s been five years since the snap. When will—”

“Don’t you dare bring that up!” his voice rose, eyes glaring at you as he whirled around, his jaw clenched. “Don’t use that excuse on me, you know damned well I know it. Why do you think I chose to move on and be with you instead of helping Nat bring them all back, hmm?” He continued mockingly as if you were stupid enough not to understand. 

This was it, what all your petty arguments had narrowed down into;

Despite what he said, he still wasn’t ready to settle down. 

“But what the hell are we doing now, Steve? We’re not getting any younger! I want to have kids, a family, with you!” You knew you sounded pathetic, and desperate all at the same time but you couldn’t help but continue, the pretty picture already clouding your brain, 

“Can’t you see it? Having children of our own, their drawings hung up on the walls, the dog you’ve been wanting to have since forever running around the house, family barbecues...” your voice trailed off, a lump forming in your throat, your eyes glazing over with unshed tears. It was all within your grasp, so easily reachable if only Steve agreed with you. If only he wanted it too. Anger bubbled up to the surface while he bristled, looking annoyed. 

 “We can have all of that, you know. What are you even waiting for? Will you ever be ready? Because it really feels like you won’t and I’m the only one who actually wants this,” You were unrelenting, thinking of Tony Stark’s family, how they had gone off the grid and had their own little piece of heaven. Crossing your arms, you knew you wouldn’t achieve anything by becoming a nag but your patience was already wearing thin. 

“Jesus, Y/N! Why would you even say that? Of course I want a family with you! I’m just not ready for that yet! Just give me more time,”

Shaking your head, you let out a defeated sigh and looked away from him. You could hear him grabbing the keys from the counter, exhaling loudly before he went up to you and ran his hands down your arms soothingly, willing you to understand. When you didn’t budge, he just pleaded as he always had, 

“I love you, you know I love you. But I need to get to this meeting, those people need me, Y/N. Could we please just talk about this later?” He moved his head lower to meet your eyes and even in your state of anger, you knew you couldn’t say no to that. He took your begrudged nod as an assent, kissing your forehead before he turned to leave. What else were you going to say anyway? He was going to lead a therapy session for people who had lost their loved ones. Guilt ate at you for keeping him here when he so desperately wanted to save the world. People needed him too, not just you. They hung on his every word. They needed their Captain America, their symbol of hope. While, here you were, acting like a child because he wouldn’t let you have your way. 

Letting out another sigh, your gaze stuck to the floor, berating yourself at how selfish you’d become. You knew what you were getting into when you dated him. You had no illusions of being the center of his universe, it was always going to be the people. But still, it would’ve been nice to be put first for once. You hated the tandem feelings of jealousy and guilt that always crept up on you after your fights. You just wished he understood that while those people needed their hero, you needed your Steve too. But as time passed, it seemed like the man and the hero were indistinguishable and you’d been deluding yourself into thinking it could be different. You’d just have to accept that too because living without him wouldn’t even be an option. 

He paused by the door, catching sight of your slumped shoulders. “Hey,” he said softly, striding back to you. 

“You know I love you, right?” he stroked your cheeks and you couldn’t help the turn of your lips. Nodding slowly, you rolled your eyes at how easy you were for him. 

 “I know. I’m sorry,” 

Ducking down to give you a quick peck on the lips, he reassured you again, “We’ll talk about this later, I promise,” then he gave you one last kiss to your forehead before he disappeared. But what once would’ve eased your worries did nothing to quell your nerves now. Your heart believed everything was alright but your gut said otherwise. 

_______________

He looked down at the worn, brassy compass in his palm, his mind years away from where he was, unaware that you were standing by the door. You watched his shoulders relax into a defeated sigh, his eyes never leaving her picture. You couldn’t remember when he ever looked at you like that, all the love and longing etched on his face. He brought his other hand up to caress the picture gently, as if he actually imagined she was with him, a small, sad smile forming on his lips. You felt the air knock right out of you while you scrambled out of there feeling as if you’ve intruded on an intimate moment. You couldn’t help the tears falling from your eyes while you convinced yourself it was nothing. He had just lost his best friends, she was a symbol of his past. He just missed that right? 

You paced around the kitchen, your mind running back to the times you’ve caught him staring at Peggy’s picture. All those times you pretended you didn’t notice how frequently he had been doing it these past few years. His voice, an echo in your head, 

“I’m not ready, just give me more time doll, please,” 

Closing your eyes, you buried your face in your hands. Oh, it would be so easy, you thought. All you had to do was get into his mind and see for yourself. One little, fast trip into his thoughts and you’d get your answers. He’d be none the wiser, no one need ever know except you. And your dignity, and your pride and your principles. Ugh.

He trusted you, you promised never to use your powers on him and yet, that was all you could ever think about now. Did he think of her when he thought of the family he wanted? Was it her face he saw, walking down the aisle to him? 

For the first time in your life, you hated your upbringing at the Xavier Institute. You hated the values and principles they instilled in you, the very reason you were adamant not to use your powers on the unwilling and unsuspecting for your own personal gain even though you were going crazy, craving for your own peace of mind. Deep down you knew, promise to Steve or no, you couldn’t go through with it. 

You looked at the clock, thirty minutes to go before his meeting ended. Grabbing your coat from the rack, you impulsively decided to go to him, promising yourself you weren’t going to nag and argue with him but have a normal conversation like you used to. You haven’t had a date in a long while anyway. Maybe a little spark of romance was all you really needed. 

_____________

Your steps echoed on the linoleum floor, walking past the empty hall to follow the directions to the room where the meeting took place. Rubbing your palms together, you spotted the room. The fluorescent lights hanging above casting a lonely pallor to the already gray walls while the rain poured heavily outside. The gloom, an inevitable reminder of what the world has become. It seemed everywhere people went, there was always a reminder of what they’ve lost. Even on an otherwise unblemished sunny day, the vibrancy was not the same, people were scarce and it was quiet. Too quiet. Which was why you were so adamant to continue on living, in order to honor the lives of the people you’ve lost. 

You could hear their faint voices outside the room. Your heart going out to those poor people who still held onto the past while you thanked your lucky stars you still had Steve.You fished for your earphones in your purse trying not to eavesdrop but his clear and deep voice interrupted you. Leaning against the wall opposite the door, you listened, a smile tugging on your lips while he commended the other person. He was always so good with words, always knew the right things to say and that never failed to make you proud. His words of encouragement lifted your spirits, making you stand a little taller, hope blossoming in the pit of your stomach. He talked about moving on, about finding purpose again. 

“I went in the ice in ‘45 right after I met the love of my life,” 

Your whole body went cold, the smile on your lips faltering, your hands suddenly gripping the edge of your blouse while his disheartened voice continued to try to reassure everyone including himself,

“I woke up 70 years later, you gotta move on. You gotta move on,”  

With a hand to your lips, you ran, your rapid, staccato steps filling the hall barely even muffling the sobs you desperately tried to hide. 

___________

Steve didn’t bother coming home straightaway after the meeting.  He told himself it was because he needed to check up on Nat despite the fact that he could’ve easily just called, despite knowing you were all supposed to meet for dinner in a few days anyway. He took his time getting to the Avengers Compound, embracing the uncharacteristic quietness of the city, giving him the chance to be alone with his thoughts. If he were being honest with himself, he couldn’t shake off the guilt that settled at the pit of his stomach at the thought of Peggy. The love of his life. Apparently, anyway. He had no idea where that came from, never really thought of it until it slipped from his mouth. And did he really feel that way? Was she really the love of his life? 

The thought of you came unbidden from his mind, your warm smile waking him up in the morning, your laughter setting the world to rights whenever he was feeling especially out of place. You’ve been through so much together, what you both had was real and it was beyond anything he could’ve imagined when he woke up from the ice and he knew he should take it a step further. He loves you, he is fully committed to you. There was nothing holding him back and yet… and yet, he still thought of her. He couldn’t help but think that if he had only stayed where he really was supposed to be, Peggy would’ve been the mother to his children, she would’ve been his wife. She would’ve been his life’s true love. But the very thought of that put a sour taste to his mouth, the truth was he could never picture his life without you. As much as he still dreamt of the past, how could it be the same if you weren’t there?

At first he thought falling in love with you was a balm to soothe his lost soul until he eventually realized you had crept up on him slowly but in a span of a heartbeat, wormed your way into his heart so suddenly he couldn’t even pinpoint the exact moment he knew he loved you. It was plain and simple, he knew it as he knew the sun rose in the east, he loved you. It was so unlike the way he fell for Peggy where all it took was one look and he was already drunk in love. 

Was it possible then, to be in love with two women? 

________________________________________

You were already in bed when Steve got home, feigning tiredness from the day when your heart was really beating rapidly in your chest. How could you face him now knowing you were second best? You could hear him in the bathroom, oblivious to your inner turmoil. When he was done, he gave you a quick kiss goodnight and went to his side of the bed, his back to you. You turned to face the wide expanse of his shoulders and wondered where the hell do you go from here. Would you really be alright living in the shadow of his ex, one of the world’s most accomplished women, so extraordinary that Captain America couldn’t even move on from her? Could you really leave him if it came down to it? 

A tear escaped the corner of your eye and you laid on your back, the darkness of the ceiling reflecting the heaviness in your heart. You must’ve stared at it for hours, wondering just how far away you were from the man right at your side. He was with you physically but his heart? You always knew deep down, it belonged to someone else. If he had a choice to go back, would he leave you? With the way things were going, you knew he would. In an instant. There was always a part of him that he closed off from you and ever since the snap, it only worsened. The fights, the distance, it all made sense now. Heck, even tonight, he didn’t even bother to ask how you were doing and accepted your lame excuse to get to bed early. It was the weekend, you literally had nothing to do the whole day and yet, it never even occurred to him that something could be wrong. For once, you were sorely tempted to use your powers on him. Hearing his even breathing as he slept didn’t make it any easier. It would be over before he knew it, what would be the harm in that? 

As if on cue, he turned and faced you. His long lashes resting peacefully on his cheeks, his lips slightly parted, he looked like a man who didn’t carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. He looked younger, more like your Steve. The Steve you wished would let you in and give you the family you’ve always wanted. 

“Just a quick little trip, no one would ever know. What would be the harm in that?” the little voice in the back of your head taunted.

What would be the harm in that? 

With your resolve weakening, you jumped right into the abyss, entering the mind of the man of your dreams, hoping you were his too. 

______

The sun shone brightly through the open window, letting in the warm summer breeze while his favorite vinyl record played in the background. 

Kiss me once, then kiss me twice

Then kiss me once again

It’s been a long long time 

The air was crisp and the smell of pancakes and cinnamon wafted from the doorway of the kitchen into the living room of the small, suburban house. The yellow walls were adorned with children’s drawings with a few marker drawings on the wallpaper here and there. The faint sound of giggling could just be heard from where you stood by the stairs. Your children, you thought to yourself, a smile creeping up your lips. This was it. This was what you’ve been picturing too, what you’ve told him countless times over and over again. He dreamed of it too. You turned your attention to the living room, your heart giving a little leap at the mess. It looked like someone had tried to tidy up but gave up on the last minute, some toys still scattered about. You noticed the pet bed by the couch, and you couldn’t help but be excited and hopeful, it was everything you thought of down to a T. You went towards the paper and crayons on the low table between the couch and the fireplace, inspecting one of the children’s current drawings there. It was of a family, their hands holding each other while they smiled in front of the house, a little dog at their father’s side. At the bottom, a scribbly handwriting of a preschooler wrote; Mom, Sarah, James, Dad and directly below the dog, Sam. You laughed aloud at that, clutching the drawing, hoping you could keep it for yourself and willing it into existence. 

“Come on, dance with me,” 

You heard Steve’s playful voice coming from the kitchen. A woman’s laughter rang out, you could just imagine yourself shaking your head at him in response, but something about the woman’s laugh caught you in your tracks. A little too shrill, a little too melodic. You inched closer to the open door, your heart dropping to your stomach. There they were, the picture perfect couple.  He twirled her around, her red dress hugging her curves so effortlessly, while she drew her head back and laughed. The dimples on her cheeks deepening, her curls staying in place even when Steve maneuvered her around. They looked so beautiful together, his golden locks and smitten smile never once leaving her face, he never looked so happy. 

Not even when he was with you.

That realization hit you like a train. You couldn’t even remember the last time he looked at you the way he looked at Peggy now.  When was the last time you danced? When was the last time you acted silly together? When was the last time you were both happy? That was what hurt the most. You couldn’t even remember. It felt like a weird sort of deja vu except now, it was an actual woman instead of a picture on a compass. You tried to gather your pride and step away but you couldn’t, you were rooted into place, a sadistic part of you welcomed the pain because you should’ve known. 

“I went in the ice in ‘45 right after I met the love of my life,” 

You should’ve known.

 But instead, you choose to play the fool.

There must’ve been a shift in the air that only they understood because Steve gathered her in his arms now, their eyes locking into each other, gentle and longing. 

You'll never know how many dreams

I dreamed about you

Or just how empty they all seemed without you

So kiss me once then kiss me twice

Then kiss me once again

It's been a long, long time

He rocked her back and forth, bringing her hand up to his chest, turning into action what words fail to describe. She closed her eyes and laid her head on his heart, savoring their moment. He leaned his head on hers too, a satisfied smile on both their faces as they continued to sway to the music. You had never felt as small as you did now. You felt like a thief, intruding on their moment, stealing his dream away. And that’s exactly what you were doing. That’s exactly what you are. You felt so dirty, a desperate, pathetic fly on the wall he couldn’t get rid of. And worst of all, you destroyed his trust too.

As if on cue, the colors started to change, the song distorting and shifting and in this moment you knew, you had to leave. 

You have to leave. 

Part Two

[taggingtim]

Why I love Pre-Boot Tim Drake and why the Reboot has ruined him

I love Tim Drake.  He is my favorite comic book character of all time.  I’ve been really upset the past few days about what DC has been doing with him lately, and I thought it would be cathartic for me to write something up about it.  (No, this isn’t a rant about Tim being bi/gay; it’s a much larger problem than that. But I’ll get to that in a bit.) Bear with me for a bit of history, first.

When I was a kid I loved the Batman Animated Series.  I know this will lose me a lot of internet cred, but I always preferred the fourth season. In particular, I loved Tim Drake. He was fun and funny and I absolutely adored him.  I used to beg my mom to take me to the mall so I could buy issues of Gotham Adventures. For my birthday one year my parents got me a subscription to the comic, and I was blown away by the idea that I could have comics MAILED to my HOUSE.

Around middle school I started collecting Marvel comics, mostly X-men stuff.  I loved them, but when I started college I quit the hobby for financial reasons.

 Fast forward a few years, and I felt I was financially stable enough to start buying comics again. Rather than going back to Marvel, I decided to give Batman comics a chance.  I had no idea where to start, and when I found out my beloved Tim had his own comic series, I thought it was a perfect entry point into the Batman universe. I bought the complete series from a local comic shop and dove in.

 Tim’s Robin series was exactly what I was looking for in a comic.  He was very different from little Timmy Todd from BtAS, but I loved him. I built the rest of my comic collection around him, grabbing up every book that he was featured in, from Young Justice to Teen Titans to Batman, Detective Comics, Nightwing, Red Robin, and many others.  I have random books from series like The Demon just because Tim was in them.

 So why did I like Tim so much?  What about this character made me so excited for more?  I found in Tim something that I had never seen in a comic book before: character growth.  Somehow, though he was written by many different authors over many different years, Tim managed to have a character arc that is consistent and makes sense. Sure, there were a few small bumps along the way, but on the whole Tim has always stayed true to his character, and he’s developed in a way that the big name characters, like Batman, never can.

 When we’re first introduced to Tim, he’s a young teen who has been neglected by his parents growing up. He’s smart, healthy, and strong, but he lacks so much self confidence and has little sense of self worth.  Tim notices Bruce’s increasing violence as he grieves for the loss of his son, and Tim knows he needs to step in and help.  Batman needs a Robin.

 For most characters, this would be the part where Tim put himself forward for the job.  But he doesn’t.  He seeks out Dick Grayson and begs him to come home instead.  It’s only when Batman and Nightwing are in danger and there is literally no one else to help that Tim steps up and dons the cape. And once he does, he’s constantly plagued by self-doubt, terrified he will screw up and leave Batman worse than ever before.

 From there, Tim undergoes intense training.  He never begs to be in the spotlight, doesn’t push to go out on the streets before he’s ready.  His goal is to help Bruce as much as possible.

 Here’s where I started to fall in love with him.  All that self-doubt, the constant need to be useful?  That’s exactly what you would expect to see from a child whose parents had ignored and neglected him.  He finally has a parental figure who sees him, who values him, and Tim does everything he can to make himself worthy in the hopes that Bruce will keep him around.

 This is the first example of character consistency that we see with Tim.  And it continues.  When his mom dies and his dad is put in a coma, you see Tim struggle to come to terms with losing the people he loves, but never had a relationship with.  Tim almost never mentions his mom after her death, because she just wasn’t present in his life.  When his dad recovers and decides to stick around, Tim struggles to build a relationship with him.  He’s plagued with guilt because he’s finally found the father figure he needed in Bruce, but he thinks that he’s supposed to feel that way for Jack.  It’s a running undercurrent in their relationship that creates distance between them for years.

 This is already so long, so I’m going to try to summarize a bit more.  We get to watch Tim grow up.  We see his awkward relationship with his first girlfriend, Ariana.  He doesn’t know how to treat her; he’s never had the opportunity to observe a healthy relationship.  But he tries so, so hard.  All of Tim’s relationships are awkward, because he’s never had a model of a good one. Steph is a great match for him, because she’s very vocal about what she wants and needs, and she isn’t afraid to call Tim out when he messes up, which is exactly what Tim needs.

 Big things happen to Tim. He’s stuck with Jean-Paul Valley, who slowly goes insane, leaving Tim to try to keep the city in one piece.  He’s infected with the Clench, a plague that sweeps over Gotham and kills everyone it touches, and barely escapes with his life. His girlfriend is sexually assaulted, leaving him to deal with the fallout.  His family moves out of Gotham, and he has to sneak back in during No Man’s Land to help.  His relationship with his dad has intense ups and downs, resulting in him being sent to boarding school, punished in a variety of ways, and generally caused a lot of trouble in his life.

 Then people start dying. Over the course of about a year in his life, Tim loses his girlfriend, his dad, a close friend, and his best friend, each of whom dies under tragic conditions.  Tim’s grief is intense, and he is understandably traumatized by the losses. We see fundamental changes in his character.  He changes his costume from something bright and cheerful to something darker that reflects his emotional state.  He’s more subdued, his adventures a little more serious.

 When Bruce first tries to adopt him, Tim literally creates an uncle and hires an actor to play him, just to avoid dealing with the situation.  Bruce has viewed Tim as a son for years, so to him the adoption is an obvious step.  For Tim, it feels like a betrayal of his father, and it takes a while before he’s ready to accept Bruce’s love, home, and a place in his family.  

 When Damian shows up on the scene, Tim really struggles with him, and not just because early Damian is a horrid brat who tries to kill Tim on multiple occasions.  Tim has always felt the need to earn his place with Bruce, and Damian constantly throws all of Tim’s biggest fears in his face—he’s not wanted or needed now that the “real” son is here, he’s not worthy of a place in the family, he’s not good enough.

 Tim tries to clone Conner, his best friend.  He’s lost so many people, and he’s desperate to get them back.  Conner was cloned to begin with and fully matured over a very short period of time; the technology clearly exists, so why can’t Tim use it to get his best friend back?  And if he can get Conner back, why not the others he’s lost?  He eventually gives up, but when he eventually gets access to a Lazarus Pit, he immediately wants to incorporate the waters into his process so he can revive his loved ones.  With Dick’s help, Tim eventually decides to let it go, but it’s such a poignant moment for the character.

 Then Bruce dies, and Dick takes Robin away.  Tim switches to the Red Robin persona as he travels the world, alone, trying to prove that he was right.  He has to deal with the trauma of losing another father, finds out that his girlfriend never died but let him hurt so much for so long.  His brother and the only close friend he has left both think his grief has overwhelmed his sense and that he’s gone crazy.  He’s utterly alone.

 The Red Robin series is such a great culmination for Tim.  He finds a place for himself as a hero, as a CEO.  He gets parts of his family back—Bruce, Steph, Bart, Conner.  He finally figures out who he wants to be and creates a place for himself.

 This overarching character development is what I love about Tim.  His many, many traumas impact his decisions, and you can clearly see how he changes over time as a result of them.  I didn’t even go into his development as a leader from his early fumbling with Young Justice to his strong leadership of the Teen Titans, or how his relationships with Conner, Bart, and Cassie develop so fluidly and realistically over the years.

 This is why I love Tim. Characters like Batman are static; nothing that happens to them will ever have a lasting impact, because in the end the character always returns to what they were.  Tim, on the other hand, has changed and developed A LOT since his initial appearance.  His growth has always been consistent and logical.

 When the reboot happened, all of that character growth was lost.  Tim was replaced with a jerk who betrayed his friends and cheated on his girlfriend.  DC has basically retconned all of this and tried to turn Tim back into who he was, but by taking away all of the things that have happened to him over the years, Tim has lost SO MUCH.

 I keep looking for my Tim in recent comics, and I just can’t find him.  It breaks my heart, because I love him so much, and it feels like he’s lost to me forever.  The most recent Young Justice comic series actually gave me hope; I felt like maybe, finally, someone was going to write Tim correctly.  He had his primary friendships back, his relationship with Steph was developing (even if they seem to have completely dropped all the development around Steph’s decision to let Tim think she was dead).  The actual book itself wasn’t fantastic, but it felt like they were headed in the right direction.

 Over the last few days, I read the Batman: Urban Legends books.  I actually read the Batman/Red Hood story first, which was fantastic.  I was really excited to read Tim’s story (though I already knew how it ended).  Jason’s character was handled so well, and he seemed to actually have some character development that will hopefully last.  I anticipated the same for Tim.

 But Tim’s story was awful. The plot was all over the place—kids are being kidnapped, so Tim has to join a pain cult to get them back?  He’s somehow helping Oracle with computer issues while simultaneously questioning witnesses?  He’s broken up with Steph, off camera, shortly after telling her how much he loves her, but Steph somehow thinks that they should have a caring relationship where Tim tells her what he’s feeling?  Bernard has somehow become a good enough fighter to stand side by side with Robin?  Tim STILL doesn’t have a code name?  Why is everyone suddenly hounding him about what he wants to do with his life?

 It’s just such a mess of a story.  If it didn’t end with Tim agreeing to go on a date with Bernard, no one would ever have even mentioned it.  There’s nothing particularly re-readable or enjoyable about it.

 I actually liked that they brought Bernard back. I really enjoyed him in the original Robin series. It’s been a while since I read that part of the series (I’m actually working my way back through it now).  I know Bernard always read as gay to me, yet somehow I felt like he was out of character in these books.

 And then, the climax of the story.  Tim is bi, or gay, or has at least agreed to go on a date with a boy.

 If this had happened in the pre-boot, when Tim was Red Robin and had an actual character arc, I honestly wouldn’t have had an issue with it.  I do think it would have needed a LOT more build up than it was given here.  Tim has always been a very introspective character, and we’ve been party to so much of his internal monologue over the years.  It seems very strange to me that such a huge thing just sneaks up on him out of nowhere when he’s never even thought about it before.

 But more than that, this story just feels like the final death blow for the Tim I loved.  The whole arc is about how Tim doesn’t know who he is or who he wants to be.  What will his hero name be?  Will he go to college?  What is he going to do with his life?  These are all great questions, and his answer to all of them is… date a boy?  

 Is this going to be his defining characteristic going forward?  From here will we just see Tim exploring and discovering his sexuality?  The Tim we have now doesn’t have a family, a team, a purpose, or even a code name.  Why was this the thing that DC decided to give us?  It feels like they wanted to make a gay Robin and decided it would be Tim because they didn’t know what else to do with him.

 It’s stupid, but I honestly feel like I’ve spent the past few days grieving the loss of a loved one. The Tim that DC is presenting now is just not the person that I knew.  Tim would never break up with Steph that abruptly for what he admits is no apparent reason.  He would never say “just call me Robin, since Damian’s out of town.”  Everything that I love about Tim seems to be gone, and in its place DC has given me a date with a boy.  

 Again, it’s not Tim being not-straight that I have an issue with.  I’ve never read the character that way, but it’s something I can live with. My issue is the way it was handled. Why not make Tim an actual person first, and then explore his sexuality?  Send him off to college!  He’s obviously thinking about it!  It’s the perfect opportunity to give him his own book.  He can move to a different city, choose a new name, and DC can introduce a whole new set of characters.  Figure out which parts of Tim’s backstory are still canon, and which have been dropped. Make him a person again, and then let him explore his sexuality.

 I know this post is all over the place, and I don’t have time right now to go back and edit it.  I just really needed an outlet for my frustration.  Right now it feels like there are so many people who are so excited about Tim being bi/gay, but they don’t know anything else about him.  I keep seeing people comment how DC has been “dropping hints for years!” with no evidence other than “he and Superboy were really close!”  I guess I’d just really like to have some dialogue with other people who are fans of Tim, rather than fans of Tim-as-bi/gay or fans of Tim-as-straight.

 Does anyone else feel this way?  I’d honestly like to have a dialogue about it with other long time fans.

[rebelwrites]

Restoration

Jax Teller x Daughter Reader

“You gonna actually behave for your father this week?” You mum asked as you packed your bag.

“Maybe, depends if he pisses me off or not” you shrugged.

The thing was your mum and dad split about 4 years ago, a year after Abel was born. They had you at a young age, at 15 to be precise, you was now 18 and had seen their relationship completely fall apart, you saw how he treated your mum towards the end of the relationship and you hated it, you hated how he made your mum feel, how you saw the whole thing. However you were grateful Abel was still too young to understand what was going on.

“Y/N please, I know you don’t get along with him but he is your dad at the end of the day” mum sighed.

“Not gonna change my opinion on him” you laughed.

Even though your parents weren’t together anymore they never actually filed for a divorce.

“Just try” mum said placing her hand on your shoulder “for Abel at least, it’s hard enough on him as it is”

“And it’s not hard for me mum” you spat “try going through school where everyone is obsessed with the sons, constantly badgering me about them, about dad, asking if the fucking rumours are true”

You knew that your mum wasn’t completely innocent in the whole relationship break down. So you had an attitude with them both.

The drive to Teller-Morrow was silent, neither you or your mum spoke because you were your father’s daughter at the end of day, your mum always said it was like having a female Jax in the house, the way you held yourself, your attitude, your temper. So no words were spoken just for Abel’s sake, he didn’t need to see his sister and mum biting each other’s heads off.

Climbing out of the car, you grabbed your bag from the boot, before wandering off to find your uncles, at least you had a good relationship with them, it was just the relationship with your dad that was rocky.

You didn’t get it, he was such a good father to Abel, but with you it was a different story, one of his biggest regrets was you seeing the breakdown happen, all the arguments that happened when you were younger. Since then you saw the man that you once saw as your hero as the bad guy.

“Hey kiddo” Jax grinned, opening his arms to you.

“Whatever dad” you huffed walking by him, dumping your bag on the picnic bench before placing a cigarette in your mouth.

“She’s in a mood, sorry Jax” you heard mum say, making you roll your eyes. “Give her a couple of days and she should calm down”

“She’s so much like me it’s scary” he sighed as he watched you laugh with Tig and Happy.

“If you’re gonna talk about me can you at least go somewhere where I can’t bloody hear you” you snapped not looking at them.

Jax knew that with both his kids being here with him for the week, he was going to try his hardest to mend the bridges that had once been burnt. He wanted nothing more than getting his little girl back.

“I will speak with her” Jax nodded as he took Abel into his arms, who was grinning at the sight of his daddy.

At least one of his kids didn’t hate him.

However he had a plan, he knew you loved bikes, so he had one sat in the garage waiting to be restored and he was hoping it was something you could do together and then he could teach you to ride. He knew it wouldn’t magically fix the relationship but at least it would give you a memory that wasn’t bad.

Your mum had now left, which meant you were stuck with your dad for the next week, no doubt it would be a week of you looking after Abel, it always was when you were here, the club came before you. It always had and always would.

“Table in 5” Jax shouted as he walked into the club, he didn’t miss the eye roll that came from you, he knew what you thought, you had only been here 10 minutes and he was putting the club before you. But this time would be different.

“Okay so everyone knows my relationship with Y/N is very much on the rocks right now” Jax sighed running his hand over his face. “And I know it’s my fault and I want to fix that, so this week I only want to be involved in club business if the shit has hit the fan. Anything else speak to Chibs, I need to fix things with my little girl before it is too late”

Everyone nodded, they knew how much Jax loved you, you was his first born at the end of the day and it killed him knowing that you hated him.

“Anything we can do to help we are here” Happy nodded.

“Thanks Hap but this is something I need to do on my own, I created this mess so I need to fix it” Jax sighed “If it can be fixed”

It was now Wednesday and Jax still hadn’t made any progress, the bike lay untouched in the garage, and you hadn’t spoken more than a few words a day to him.

“Uncle Hap am I being a bitch?” You sighed looking up at him as you lit a smoke.

“Honestly kiddo, I know where you are coming from but he is the only dad you are gonna get” Happy said placing his hand on yours. “I know the reasons you have for hating Jax but he misses his little girl, I’m not saying forgive him straight away but stop shutting him out”

“I miss my dad” you sighed “but you didn’t hear me say that”

“My lips are sealed” Happy nodded “you know he took a step back from the club this week to spend time with you and Abel”

“I didn’t know” you sighed running your hand over your face.

“I think he wants to restore a bike or something with you” Hap smiled kissing your head “he’s in the garage”

Trudging into the garage with your head hung low, you felt guilty about how you went off at dad this morning.

“I’m sorry” you mumbled, not looking up.

You heard him sigh and his footsteps getting closer to you.

Talk about irony, the radio had started playing bad husband, scoffing as dad placed his hand on your shoulder.

You can be a liar and a good father A good dad, but a bad husband

“Guess the song is 90% right” you sighed “you are a good father to Abel at least”

“Hey look at me kiddo” Dad said lifting your chin. “My biggest regret in life was letting you see all the fights between me and your mum. I know that has done so much damage to our relationship but I never stopped loving your or your mum okay”

You stayed silent, you didn’t know what to say.

Forever be a hero in my eyes, But there’s always another side. To a good father. A great dad, but a bad husband

“Look me and your mum still love each other and we probably always will” he sighed “we just don’t work well together okay but that doesn’t mean I stopped loving you”

All I want is for us not to hurt. And it’s been an exhaustive search to find the words

The song was basically saying everything you couldn’t.

But I’m not so sure how to close this. I just don’t know how some people can be so good At one thing and so fucked at a whole ‘nother, shit, it’s no wonder

You both just stood there not saying a word as Jax pulled you into his arms holding you tight.

“I’m not saying we have to go back to being as close as we once were but I want a chance, a chance to mend the bridges I burnt, I want to be in your life and not as someone you hate” Jax whispered.

Nodding your head, you sniffed as a tear fell down your cheek, this was the most you had talked in a year. All you wanted to hear over the past year was that your dad still loved you.

“You don’t have to say anything yet sweetheart” dad whispered kissing your head “now what do you say to helping your old man fix this bike up and then I would like it if you let your old man teach you how to ride”

“I’d like that” you mumbled.

The next few days flew by and your mum had arrived to pick you and Abel up. Pushing yourself off the bench you walked over to her with a slight smile on your face.

“Come on, let’s get you home” mum said.

Glancing over to your dad you smiled softly before turning back to your mum.

“Actually mum, I think I’m gonna stick around here a bit longer” you nodded feeling Jax place his hand on your shoulder squeezing it softly. “I wanna stay with dad, we still have a bike to finish”

-

Your mum stood staring at you, confusion spread all over her face.

“You want to willingly stay?” She questioned

“Yup” you nodded.

“Who are you and what have you done with my daughter?” She laughed before turning to Jax “you okay with her staying?”

“Course I am” he beamed at the fact you wanted to stay with him longer.

As soon as you said bye to your mum, you headed back into the garage leaving Jax stood there in his own world.

“Come on dad the bike isn’t gonna fix its self” you laughed rolling your sleeves up.

The hours flew by and you was both covered in grease, Chibs walked outside hearing all the laughter coming from the garage, a smile formed on his face as he snapped a photo of the two of you before walking back into the club house.

“Okay a know normally a would bring this ta table but no one is to disturb Jackie Boy, a don’t care wha it is, if it’s club business, Ye arms fallen off or Ye are on fire, ye come ta me” Chibs smiled leaning against the bar. “Tha is until further notice, this is wha they both need”

Everyone nodded in agreement, it was nice to see you and Jax not at each other’s throats and they knew that the fact you wanted to stay here meant you really wanted to rebuild the relationship

Standing back from the bike something clicked.

“Why does this bike look so familiar?” You asked.

“Well princess it was your grandads” Jax grinned draping his arm around your shoulder.

“JT’s” you said looking up and he nodded. “Wait and you are just letting me have once we have fixed her up?”

“That’s the plan” Jax laughed “he would have wanted you to have it and it’s better than it sitting gathering dust”

You were in awe, you knew how much this bike meant to him. Wrapping your arms around him you gave him a tight hug.  

Neither of you talked about much other than the bike, outside of the garage you were slowly building things back up, you both knew it would take longer than a week but it was a start.

“So your mum says you’ve been getting into trouble at college?” He asked as you were packing the tools up.

“Meh” you shrugged “someone said something, I didn’t like it so I fucking punched them and broke there nose. No biggie”

Jax couldn’t help but smirk, you were exactly like him, in so many ways.

“You can’t say anything dad you taught me talking was boring when you can fight it out” just as you said it an idea popped into your head. Spinning round on the balls of your feet you grinned at your dad.

“No, nope happening” He laughed when he realised what you was thinking “me and you aren’t going at it in the ring” he chuckled.

“Why do you think you will lose old man” you taunted.

“Nope it’s not that” he said looking up “I am not boxing with my daughter”

“You’re just scared because you know I’m gonna beat your ass” you giggled squaring up to him.

He knew you weren’t gonna back down. You was a Teller at the end of the day.

“Fine but if you get hurt you are telling your mum it was your idea” Jax sighed in defeat.

And with that you ran off into the clubhouse to tell everyone.

It was now 7pm and Tig was wrapping your fists.

“You sure about fighting your dad kiddo?” He asked.

“Uncle Tiggy I’m sure” you nodded “we need this, well I need this. If I’m gonna let go of the past I need to do this”

“Okay then” he smiled kissing your fist “beat the shit out of your old man”

You were now standing face to face with your dad in the ring. He knew what was happening, and he wasn’t going to fight back, he had overheard what you said to Tig. So if beating the shit out of him was what you needed to forgive him then that is what he was going to let you do.

Punch after punch, you felt the anger flow through your fists, you were fuelled by every bad memory, everything he did and he just let the punches keep coming.

Your emotions got the better of you as you scream, pounding your fists against his chest as you burst into tears. As soon as this happened Jax wrapped his arms around you, dropping to his knees holding you tight.

“That’s it princess let it all out, all the anger, all the pain” he whispered rubbing your back. “I’m never gonna leave you okay, no matter what happens with me and your mum, you will always have your old man in your corner. My biggest regret is you saw everything happen, I never wanted you to feel like I loved Abel more than you, you are my little girl, my princess and I love you”

Once you had calmed down, you felt a weight had been lifted off your shoulders, you no longer felt an immense hatred towards your dad.

It had been a couple of days after the ‘fight’ and you had actually started to open up. The bike was finished and you were just putting the tools away.

“I want to drop out of college” you said “it’s really not for me, I struggle with the exams and coursework”

“You know whatever you decide I will support you” Jax smiled softly at you, hee knew where you was coming from, he was exactly the same when it came to tests and the theory behind things. “If you did drop out what would you do?”

“Actually I wanna be a mechanic” you said looking up. “Maybe I could work here”

“Why don’t you sleep on the idea and if you really want to drop out then we will get it all sorted” he said kissing your head. “Now what do you say we take her for a spin?”

“You think I’m ready for the roads” you laughed.

“You are a natural” he grinned tossing you your helmet “it’s in your blood”

The rest of the day was spent riding round the streets charming, a smile on your face and your relationship with your dad well on the road to being what it once was. Never in a million years you would have thought that restoring JT’s bike would actually restore your relationship as well.