#or just start diying my hormones

[besnouted]

i fully wish she could just be my hrt doctor also ive been avoiding seeing mine for almost a year since the clinic reassigned me to a new one lmao

[punkeropercyjackson]

Summerpunk:A guide to punk culture for noobs by me(Summer)as i pass down what i used to learn onto you(the person reading this)

It's afropunk/solarpunk focused because i'm afrosolarpunk(and pastel punk)but there is general stuff in there!Title comes from my friend @constant-state-of-self-discovery tag for me on his blog,which he gave to me based on me being solarpunk.This isn't every single resource i've used but it is the most important bits and i have two more links left so i offer these as a bonus🤲🏼

First one because diy or die(as in stop buying Mcdonalds if you're grown or drop dead)and second one because Duke is an underrated canon punk character even though he's in the same league as Hobie Brown and Kat Elliot!

[txttletale]

idk if you wanted a response for the "What if nobody likes xyz person, do they just die?" idea under anarchist thought, but i think the reason it's brushed off so often is because in a lot of areas with mutual aid networks, at least in my experience, this has happened and either there were people involved who didn't mind the shitty person and helped or everyone gritted their teeth to help anyway.

i don't have an answer to "Well what if they dont", because that hasn't ever been an issue in any anarchist collective ive been in that already exists. same with more strenuous tasks like medicine, there's some diy hrt communities in my local anarchist community too and specifically our bathtub joe has delivered hormones to her rapist with the protection of a few people she trusts and a pocket knife if they tried anything.

i don't know if a lot of anarchists interact with you in good faith, and a lot of tumblr anarchists are baby leftists at best, so i wanted to answer even if your reply to this was dismissive

to be clear: i know and talk to a lot of cool anarchists, including friends and mutuals and comrades. the vast majority of anarchists i know -- "the best of the anarchists", as lenin once put it -- are serious and intelligent people worth enaging with, and while capitalism remains the order of the day, my political allies.

that said, i think you've slightly misunderstood the point i was making -- i was not discussing the bathtub joe situation to say "no hierarchy means people die, checkmate anarchists" -- i'm sure my hypothetical scenario could be resolved happily! rather, it is to illustrate that in a system with no formal hierarchy, there are going to be material and mechanical reasons that put someone in a position of de facto authority over someone else. if you get something that you need to survive from someone (or a group of someones) that person has power over you -- & if you Live In A Society, you will always need things from other people to survive. even if they don't excercise that power maliciously, it still exists.

& maybe that isn't an intractable problem! but i think anarchists need to start from a position of acknowledging that power is real when they talk about how things should be organized & i think they very often don't

[calliecwrites]

Shifter HRT, part 3 – Rebirthday

I had the appointment. I passed the test. I’ve got the little package that will change everything.

I hold it tight all the way home. Part of me is still angry at my contact for messing with me like that – and the rest is in something like stunned amazement that I actually have it.

Now I’m home. I open it up.

There are two kinds of pills. First there’s antihominidone. That’s the humanity blocker, the one that lets my body change and stops it trying to change back. People transitioning to lots of different species take this one.

Then there’s the other one, the one that does the hard work of actually changing me. ‘Shifterising hormone’, it says on the label – they don’t even have a scientific name for it. There’s a little instruction book with doses – one of each a day – but it doesn’t say a lot about side effects or timelines. Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised, going DIY – this isn’t stuff you’d get from a doctor, after all. Almost no one’s been through this before. It’s super experimental, and I’m the experiment. The whole process takes two to three years, but what to expect when is pretty vague.

This is when my anxiety kicks in. Experimental treatment? Becoming another species? What am I doing?

I take one of the hormone pills out. It’s a clear capsule full of liquid. I turn it over, and the liquid slowly drops from one end to the other. It’s thick and gooey, which makes sense, since I’m going to be gooey. It looks a bit like the fluid shifters are made of, but without the life of the real thing. How do they make this stuff? Do they distil it from their own bodies or something? It’s not made of dead shifters, is it? Geez, I hope it’s not made of dead shifters. —Nope, nope, not thinking that way. Lots of other things are gooey. It could be anything. It could be literal magic, for all I know.

They’re so secretive, since they don’t want anyone else figuring out how to make it. Maybe I should save some and smuggle it to the other groups who are trying to? No, who am I kidding, this is for me – I’m not wasting a single drop.

Stop. Focus.

Changing species is much bigger than changing gender, but somehow it doesn’t feel quite as scary as that did – because this time, I’ve been through something like this before. I’ve sat here, scared and desperate, staring at pills that might as well be magic, before. Looking back, it doesn’t feel like I ‘changed’ gender at all – I just stopped pretending to be something I wasn’t. Sounds easy. Sounds obvious. Hopefully, one day, I’ll look back and this will feel the same.

I trust myself so much more than I did back then. I was right the first time, and that makes me confident I’m right this time, too.

And my friends and family? We’ve been through the fire together once. The ones who would leave left then – that’s what I tell myself. But I don’t really know how anyone will react to this. That’s a problem for another day.

The first two pills are on the table in front of me. Here goes.

* * *

It’s done. I’ve taken it. I feel all tingly, though surely it can’t be having an effect already. I think that’s just the excitement and the fear and everything.

I call the day I started estrogen ‘Rebirthday’, because that’s how it felt. I never thought I’d have another day like that. Now I have one birthday and two rebirthdays. I am a shifter. Even through all my doubts and fears, I can truly say that now, for the first time. I want to laugh. I want to cry.

I am a shifter. I am me. I know the next few years will be hard, I know there will be pain, but I can’t wait.

This is what I am.

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[trans-axolotl]

decided to try to go back on testosterone again. i got my prescription at planned parenthood on sunday and am going to try to pick it up today. have been off t for about a year and was doing diy before that. i really like being on testosterone and really like how it makes me feel and really like the changes it brings but the past trauma from being forced on estrogen makes it SO hard for me to actually stay on it. i start to get so fucked up just about taking any hormones at all and sometimes get paranoid and delusional that they are secretly giving me estrogen instead of testosterone and it's so so hard to stay on it. also really hard to convince myself to willingly go see an endocrinologist. forever so mad at how intersexism caused me this type of medical trauma that STILL fucks up my ability to transition. like i want to be on testosterone so fucking bad but so far the longest i've been able to stay on it without getting delusional is about 8 months. i hate that the medical abuse is still creating barriers for something i want to do 8 years later.

but. we're trying. got a bunch of axolotl stickers to cover my sharps bin + testosterone containers in to try to demedicalize it as much as possible. got a lot of extra needles so that needles access isn't a barrier. also in a much better place than the last time i was on testosterone and am going to try to stop my habit of reusing needles. also think im going to try to stockpile hrt a tiny bit so that i can overlap when i move and don't have to go months without t again. just. trying everything i can to make this as easy as possible bc it brings me so much joy to be on testosterone and i wish it were easier for me.

also if any intersex or schizo besties who have similar things going on and have any tips that have worked for them. pls let me know

[euniexenoblade]

any advice on how to access hrt? it's too expensive to get rn but i have no idea where to even begin, especially being in a rural area

I mean, it does sorta depend where you are and what type of hrt you need tbh but a generalized run down is:

diy: you get it sent to you and manage it yourself. I did this way back in the day so I wont claim my specific knowledge of it is 100% but there's subreddits and entire communities that will help you.

informed consent: if you live in an area with planned parenthoods you should give the closest one a call and see if they handle informed consent hrt, if they do it's as easy as showing up to an appointment. If they don't, they can likely point you to one or even possibly a trans friendly therapist/doctor for the next rundown if necessary.

the shittacular way (usa edition): the typical way a lot of people did this before informed consent or diy was wide spread (and probably still the most common thing tbh) is see therapist -> therapist writes you a letter -> take letter to doctor -> (OPTIONAL) doctor sends you to a specialist. this can be a bit of a drag cuz therapists typically want more than one session with you for a letter, general practitioner doctors are scared of hormones despite being easy, and specialists almost always want your letter too so they can judge if you're a worthy tranny. you can always just show up to your normal doctor and be like "hey i'm trans and wanna start hrt" there's always a possibility they'll be like "hell yeah here you go," but it's more likely they'll send you to a specialist. and if you're in a rural area, I would guess a specialist will want a therapist letter. google your city with keywords like "transgender hrt" or "transgender friendly therapist" and see what comes up. It may be beneficial to drive up into the closest city, cuz most have lgbt organizations and generally they can help you locate a trans friendly therapist. but, maybe just bring it up with your doctor at you're next general checkup, that way you're not just showing up just for that. ideally this should be about three months (or less).

the shittacular way (uk edition): gender clinics. they'll put you on a wait list that's too fucking long, and when they see you they're gonna wanna hear and see you be as societal binary gender roley gender as possible. this path is generally really long but its the "official" way and I have heard of people getting through faster than other stories.

i dont know about most other countries as well, so if you need something more specific to another country, just ask and I can see what I can scrounge up.

[risingscorchingsuns]

What was hikaru's transition experience in the corps? How did they take his coming out (if that happened)? How easy was it for him to get care (you said shinobu did his top surgery)?

This is a great question! Unfortunately Hikaru being trans is one of the most historically inaccurate parts of his story, if not medically, then definitely socially. I use a lot more modern methods and language because I wanted Hikaru to be trans similarly to how I am. It’s my canon-accurate Achilles Heel 😭

Don’t get me wrong, trans people definitely existed back in the Taisho period!! We’ve always been here, but back then we were recorded a little differently, generally regarded as “women in men’s clothing”, et cetera. I will never deny their existence, and Hikaru being modern with his gender expression isn’t meant as erasure or denial to them, but as an expression of myself via a fictional character. Their existence is real, and valid, and they are no less trans than Hikaru- at the end of the day, he’s my silly little self insert, and I wanted to write his experiences based off of mine. If the focus of Hikaru’s story was his gender journey, I would put more emphasis on the time period and the difficulties surrounding being trans in the Taisho period, but the themes surrounding Blazing Heart’s Rhapsody are acceptance and solace found within family, and love in spite of war. This isn’t a story about trans people- Hikaru just happens to be trans ☺️

Hikaru realized he was a boy very very young, (probably around 6 or 7) and his father, Hiroki, encouraged him to live in whatever fashion made him feel most comfortable. Because Hikaru grew up in the woods with only his father and little brothers, he was never really socialized as a woman or a man- he was just Hikaru, the oldest Eritora child. He likely hit puberty while living on his own in the Sumitomo Forest, but didn’t experience dysphoria until he was found by the Kochos when he was 16. When he was brought into the Corps, Hikaru experienced gender norms full-force for the first time. It wasn’t really that they didn’t support Hikaru being trans, it was more that he didn’t fit. He was Different, and that made him Othered. For the first time, Hikaru was struggling with where he belonged, and that was when he started to really learn the societal importance placed on gender roles. Additionally, Hikaru is neurodivergent, so these norms never made much sense to him logically in the first place. So while he never really had to come out, he did have to fit in, which was difficult for him to navigate. He talked to Shinobu, who in all her medical expertise, gave him the best advice she could. She was the one who helped him hormonally transition, (if she can inject herself with 700x the lethal dose of wisteria without fucking poisoning herself, she can probably make Hikaru’s testosterone. She’s iconic like that I think.) and ultimately it was Shinobu who helped Hikaru figure out where he stood in terms of gender identity. Hikaru is a self-made man in every sense of the phrase, but he couldn’t have done it without the help of those around him.

As for top surgery, I don’t really have a canon-friendly justification for that. Shinobu’s not a plastic surgeon, she’s probably done minor surgeries before, but never anything to the level of gender-affirming surgery. I feel like she’d DIY that shit tbh. She could pull it off. I’d let her do my top surgery. Shinobu says trans rights 🗣️

Thank you for this ask!!! I rarely get to do longform Hikaru analysis :D

[writefinch]

Communion

(cn: piss, foot stuff)

It clicked for me about a month ago, years after it had become apparent to the people who knew me, but I'm not short-sighted and self-pitying enough to think that meant I'd wasted time or could've made the leap sooner. If I was less kind to myself I'd say 'boy, I had the maps and I knew the landmarks so how'd I end up in the wilderness so long' but I was sailing through fog, and you know what? When I saw that landmass looming in the distance, I sailed towards it.

I didn't know totally what it meant, still don't in fact. Last year I joked about being a cis boy dyke, and since then I've struck the 'cis' and I'm shaky on the 'boy' and the part that was a joke was the truest thing of all.  Am I a boy? Maybe. A woman? I don't think so. A man? I truly fucking hope not. A good girl? Put a collar on me and we'll see.

The thing about fog is that you can't just step back and get a big picture view of everything. My instincts tell me that if I want to figure things out I should look at them at a remove, see where it fits into everything around it, map things out and move forward cautiously. That's what I want to do, it's what I've always done, but fog makes it impossible. You have to get in close if you want to see things, you can't keep it at a distance.

I couldn't move ahead and start hormones right away, not for a few months, for reasons I won't get into here. Delays don't sit well with me brain because I know my brain and I don't trust it, I don't trust it not to treat this like some other big rewarding involving project like learning Polish or playing Go, decide we're too busy and it's too scary and shove the whole thing into a mental oubliette to never see the light of day again. Sure, my friends call me Charlotte now and I've got she/her next to my Discord username, but I wanted something stronger, I wanted something that would cut into me.

I can't remember the name of the first trans woman I knew as a person, rather than as a punchline to a cruel joke. It was on Tumblr and it must have been after 2015 because I remember she had an Undyne avatar, but maybe not, because surely Violet, the "boy" I'd been practically engaged to, had come out as trans at that point? Surely I knew Skeeter, that poor, vicious mess of a girl well enough by then? It must have been earlier than that, the ponies had turned me queer by 2013 at the latest.

No, no, the Undyne-avatar lady was the first time I saw someone I knew be openly *Marxist-Leninist*, she was just also trans.

Anyway I don't know what it was, but even though I was rock-solid confident in being cis and a guy (a guy or a dude, it never bought me any joy to think of myself as a 'man'), something about trans women just really stuck with me. I found their stories compelling, I found their experiences interesting and oddly relatable, though I didn't suffer dysphoria as I thought they described it. I made friends with some trans girls, some of my friends became trans girls, and suddenly most of my friends were trans girls. I burned at injustices done to them, I bought hormones for friends, donated to trans street medic projects, helped newly-cracked eggs get in touch with DIY medding sources, y'know, normal cis ally stuff.

Recently, I realized that I loved trans women. I fucking love them so much. I fucking love all of the varied and fractious transfemme communities that have allowed me to be a part of them, as nothing more than a cis guy who draws a lot of porn. I'm not going to say anything about Blahaj and Bridget and pink coding socks because I know the girl who fucking hates that silly terminally-online stereotype and I know the girl who *is* that silly terminally online stereotype and I love them both and love so many trans girls in all their aspects between and beyond those boundaries. I have never found myself so close to any group of people, so filled with admiration and wonder and love and lust for them, so overjoyed by their trust and friendship and confidence in me, so blessed to call myself a friend and contemporary, as I have of the trans women in my life.

I had accepted some time ago, with no pain and more than a little pride, that I would admire them but be apart from them, that my place would be as a welcome guest, that I would be among them but not one of them, and--

A crack has opened within me to let the light seep in.

I'm one of them. I really am one of them, they're mine and I am theirs and I never want to let this go, this revelation is a gift that I'm barely beginning to comprehend and I can't bear the thought that I might let it pass me by and slouch back into darkness.

So, I would bring a change upon myself, in a way that was small but could not be un-changed, a vow that could not be forgotten, only consciously recanted.

I cut out a lot of the idea before I brought it up, mostly out of time and expedience. I thought of a prayer to Inanna, but that felt like a clumsy thing to rush, and I decided I'd make a shrine to her only once I had the wisdom to pay Her proper respects. I liked the idea of getting caned or whipped in a purifying way first, but that felt too much like regular kink, just inspiration for another drawing. The idea of doing the ritual under psychedelics intrigued me but, well, I've never done anything but amphetamines and poppers before, and I didn't want to dull the experience of either the ritual or the drugs by combining the two under my own inexperience - though, I did include poppers.

Alice, Emily and Lily - not their real names but you get the picture - were very good about it. They told me it was a cute idea, and we met up at Emily's ground-floor studio flat on Sunday night. We'd have been playing board games anyway, and they even seemed a little excited by the idea, even if they weren't buzzing from anticipation like me.

I'd only worn the clothes once since I'd bought them - black tights, a knee-length straight skirt, a black blouse - but my heart didn't pound like that the first time I put them on. I shaved my face upwards and against the grain, my skin still annoyingly stubble-grey, but that would show much less in the candlelight.

When I stepped out of Emily's bathroom the girls had already set things up, candles and all. They were sitting on chairs in a semi-circle, backlit by flickering orange candlelight. As I approached they got stage giggles; I did too, it felt infectious.

Once the giggles had cleared, Alice, in the middle, asked me to state my name and purpose.

'My name is Sophie, and I am here to recieve communion.'

'Very well,' said Alice, and pointed to a spot between their chairs marked in white tape. I knelt there, a bowl of water to one side and a small bag at the other.

I turned to Lily, bowed my head, and asked her if I could wash her feet. She nodded, and I took the bowl and wash cloth and gently cleaned her feet with warm water. Once they were clean and free of sweat and sock lint, I bent down to dry them with my hair. She nodded her approval, and I asked Emily if I could do the same for her. Likewise I cleaned her feet and likewise dried them with my hair. Alice did not get her feet out, for me nor anyone, and instead allowed me to lick her shiny black boots, which only had the faintest hint of grit to them.

Once I had performed the ablutions, the girls daubed me. Alice held my jaw firm in one hand as she applied mascara to each of my lashes with the other, Emily let me rest my chin on her fingertip as she painted my lips a vibrant red, and Lily stroked my hair as she marked my cheeks with blush. They cooed and called me pretty, and Lily's blush felt superfluous.

I presented each of them with a gift: An Adventure Time tarot deck for Lily, a sharpening stone for Emily, a guide to mushrooms for Alice. They accepted the gifts, and gave me gifts in return: a simple black choker from Lily, a bottle of amyl nitrite from Emily, a stack of trans zines from Alice. My voice cracked a little as I thanked them, and cracked a little more after they watched me take a few long, heady hits from the poppers bottle.

Alice asked me if I was ready to recieve communion; I begged her, please, yes.

She took a blister pack of 2mg estradiol and popped out a single blue pill. I knelt and looked up at her, eyes open, heart thumping, mouth wide.

She placed the tiny pill on my tongue and said, 'Sophie, this bread is your flesh, which is given to you.'

Then, she stood up, unzipped her jeans, pulled her limp cock out of her underwear and pushed it between my lips, which I wrapped tight around it.

'Sophie, this wine is your blood, drink this in rememberance of yourself.'

It took her a moment to start pissing, and her urine immediately washed the pill down my throat. It tasted fucking disgusting, almost as salty as seawater with that weird, almost chemical aftertaste. It turned my stomach, and I felt euphoric as I sucked it down.

After that they praised me and called me a girl and a faggot and a whore, and I kept sucking Alice's cock until Emily wanted a blowjob too, and from there it turned into regular lesbian sex, Lily's chastity cage clinking fruitlessly against mine as Emily went around biting us both and Alice had me lick her armpit clean of sweat, fingering and kissing and pinching until we all got tired enough to start watching movies in Emily's bed.

I got up and fetched drinks and sandwiches for everyone and something happened between aftercare, the aftermath of a religious service, and an after-action report. They all kept calling me a pretty girl, which I *really* liked, and Alice asked me how the whole thing had turned out, if I felt anything had changed, and I had to eat two salami and cucumber sandwiches before I could figure out my answer.

Something had changed, but the change had happened months ago, and it had taken communion for me to see it. It didn't clear up my questions or reveal hidden knowledge, I don't know if I'm a she/her boy or a he/him girl, I don't know if I'm actually a woman or just not at all a man, I don't know if this is a thing I've become or if I've been this all along and it's taken this long to discover it. I don't even know if I've really settled on Sophie.

All I got from communion, from this sacred connection of love and knowledge from other trans girls to me, was surety in the things I already kinda knew:

I'm transgender as fuck and I'm a big fucking dyke.

[kalamity-jayne]

I wish I could tuck. it just seems to hurt me every time I try and never ends well. I was hoping hormones would help some but they haven't really worked very well and even affected that area.

do you have any advice/guidance? not being able to tuck just makes me feel really bad and miserable and not very girly.

Hi anon!

You’ve come to the right place with this question because I have lots of advice when it comes to the subject of tucking.

When you first start tucking, there’s no getting around the initial discomfort and “pain”. Pushing your testicles up into the inguinal canal and keeping them there takes some getting used to. Now the reason I put “pain” in scare quotes here is because there is some pain when start out doing it but it should be a kind of dull achey pain. Like, if it feels like someone giving your testicles a firm but moderate squeeze, that’s normal. It should never ever feel like a sharp pain! If your tuck is making you wince you need to carefully undo it immediately. If you’re experience a sharp pain there’s a slim chance it could be an anatomical issue (everyone’s bodies are different) but most likely it either has to do with one or several of the following things that can be changed: Technique, Gaff, and testical size. Also, like I said, even without HRT, eventually you do acclimate to how it feels having your testes inside the inguinal canal such that the sensation will hardly even register let alone hurt.

Now, you mentioned being on HRT. I don’t know how long you have been on HRT but with time your testicles will shrink, even if you penis stays roughly the same size. Tucking does get significantly easier the further along you are with HRT. So even if you’re testicle size is currently giving you trouble it almost certainly will not be an issue later on. Eventually the shrinkage should make tucking effortless and easy.

It’s also possible there is something off with your technique. It’s a little difficult for me to imagine how one might do it so incorrectly as to get torsion but I can walk you through my tucking technique. First, I make a peace sign with the index and middle finger, I use those two fingers to push the testes up into the inguinal canal and rest that hand on my pubis mons with the upside down V crook of the peace sign at the base of my penis. Then I gently pull the penis back along the perineum with my other hand, you want to pull it pretty far back but don’t go nuts, you don’t need to pull it all the way back to your anus. As your holding your penis back up against your perineum your testicles should be able to stay inside the canals on their own freeing your index and middle finger to pinch/grab the empty scrotal tissue and roll it up around the shaft of the penis, like nestling a hot dog inside a hot dog bun. I find it helpful to think of the scrotal tissue I’m wrapping around the penis as labia, and it should look vaguely vaginal though that isn’t the point, rather it’s to ensure all the loose fleshy bits end up inside the gusset of your panty so they don’t get pinched. Continue holding all those bits together like that either with the hand you just used to wrap the penis or with your tightly closed legs and pull up the gaff to hold it all in place, move around a bit and adjust accordingly.

And that brings us to Gaffs. Holding it all in place with tape can be painful and ultimately wasteful, so I highly recommend investing in some good gaffs. A gaff is basically like a normal panty but with a few key differences. The are generally made with stretchy but compressive fabrics like, they have a wider gusset (the underside area that would typically cover the vagina or in this case your tucked penis), and they sometimes have some extra padding in the frontal pubis area. In a pinch you can use a swimsuit bottom or double up a pair of normal panties and then wear some tight jeans. There is a way to make a down and dirty DIY gaff out of an athletic sock and panty hose but I can’t vouch for how comfortable that is and it is certainly the least sexy option. Fortunately these days there are a number of good gaff makers out there (Etsy is a great place for this) and there’s almost too many to enumerate here. I recommend trying a few different styles out and seeing what works for you.

However, there is one gaff maker I do want to highlight because I think they are great for someone like you who is still trying to get the hang of it. https://www.etsy.com/shop/LeoLines?ref=l2-about-shopname Now these are def not the sexiest gaffs but they are full proof. These are the gaffs I turn to when I need an ultra secure tuck that won’t need readjusting. I recommend starting the bikini style for going out and about and practicing at home with one in the thong style. The former is easy and if something is less than perfect about your tuck it’s unlikely to be an issue and the latter, because it’s a thong, will help you get the hang of keeping it all tight, particularly with wrapping the penis in the scrotal tissue, because if you don’t do it right it’ll get pinchy pretty quick but you can easily adjust it because your still at home. The other reason I recommend LeoLines as a starter gaff is because of the extra padding in the front and the amount of compression in the fabric which allows you to achieve the tucked effect without actually tucking (a lot of gaff makers will make that claim but it’s mostly BS with the exception being LeoLines). LeoLines also offers swimsuit gaffs and is the only gaff I know of that makes them in children’s sizes (this was a big deal for my trans niece cause she used to do gymnastics and loves to swim and wanted to wear the same stuff the other girls wore).

I also highly recommend every trans girl check Origami Customs! https://origamicustoms.com/collections/all-underthings/products/mesh-gaff-hipster-underwear They have gaffs in every style and size and even to custom fits. But they also have a sizing guid that’s helpful for buying regular underwear! Like, ever wonder why a particular style of panty never seems to fit right? It may not be your size but rather the shape of your butt!

Lastly, it’s very important to exercise a bit a common sense with tucking. It’s really important to take breaks. If your tucked during the day then you need to untuck at night, especially before going to bed. Once you’re farther along with your HRT and the testicles have shrunk this becomes somewhat less of an issue, at least pain-wise. It’s also important to take breaks and give your junk opportunities to air out, especially during the hotter seasons when you’re more prone to sweating. If you do too much tucking and you genitals don’t get any airflow at all, you could contract a fungal infection, ie Jock itch or other kinds of irritation. But if you don’t tuck when you go to bed, and maybe even give your self some time at home to be naked, you’ll be fine. I’ve gone through months long periods of tucking every single day, even at the gym, and never had any issues. I do recommend wearing softer gaffs if you just shaved your bikini area, gaffs like the ones on LeoLines can exacerbate shaving irritation but if you wait till the day after you shaved you’ll be fine.

And that’s basically it for my tucking advice! I hope that helps you anon!

Love,

🌷Mother Calamity🌷

[dee-the-red-witch]

The Monthly Roundup

Okay, normally, this is just a free monthly post over on my Patreon, but I figured I should push this out into the wild as well, because this kind of stuff's always needed. Want this, and a bunch of weekly readings from a cursed tarot deck, media reviews, and other content including fiction and the occasional build post? Maybe consider adding me over there as well. Anyways, like I said, it's a monthly roundup- in this case a bigass collection of links and resources for folks interested in pursuing gender transition one way or another. And while a bunch of it is transfem specific and sometimes medical transition specific, because it's stuff I dug up while hunting down things for myself, there's also things in there good for anyone of any gender, and resources for legal/social transition as well. And this is long enough to deserve a cut for once, so...

Hey! What If *I'M* trans?

The Gender Dysphoria Bible- https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en Wondering if you're experiencing Gender Dysphoria? This may be a good place to start. Realize the GDB is slanted largely towards transfem folks, so it doesn't necessarily apply evenly to everyone, but it does cover a lot of ground that folks may identify with.

Trans Medical Resources

DIY HRT- https://diyhrt.cafe/index.php/Main_Page (for legal reasons, I'm going to tell you to at least try to see a licensed physician or endocrinologist before starting to DIY your own hormones, but keep in mind, I'm not your responsible adult, and if you don't choose to listen, that's on you) This is the main, best hub for sourcing and getting info on doing your own hormone therapy. Keep in mind, it's once again slanted towards feminizing methods, because testosterone is still a controlled substance in most of the world (which is bloody fucking stupid, but that's a rant for another time).

GALAP- The Gender Affirming Letter Access Project- https://thegalap.org/ While we may have new WPATH guidelines with the Soc 8 updates that dropped a little bit ago, most providers and insurers are still on outdated requirements that insist on letters from mental health providers for transgender-related care. Which can affect access to surgeries, HRT, and more. GALAP exists to connect folks with providers who'll give those letters,m in some cases free of charge even.

Gynecologist List- https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1Djia_WkrVO3S4jKn6odNwQk7pOcpcL4x00FMNekrb7Q/htmlview This one's more for uterus-owners in general and less trans-specific, but giventhe number of folks with uteri who'd can end up with a hard time finding a willing doctor for some procedures, it's important for everyone. This is a Google database of hundreds of gynecologists, listed by location, willing to perform sterilization procedures with informed consent, without secondary authorization from anyone else. The list is patient-vetted, so your mileage may vary, but for those seeking sterilization and/or hysterectomies as part of their transition it may prove to be invaluable as a resource, because doctors willing to do this work can be few and rare in some areas.

Transfeminine Science- https://transfemscience.org/ Articles, journals and all sorts of researching into, well, just what the name says, transfeminizing science. A lot of medical professionals simply don't have knowledge in the field and are acting on what they learned in med school, which may be way out of date. If they're willing to listen, there's stuff in there to help bring them up to speed. Better yet, it;'s also a great resource to educate yourself so you can advocate for your own care a bit better.

Other Transition resources (legal, social, etc)

NCTE's ID GUIDE- https://transequality.org/documents The National Transgender Center for Equality's guide to changing your legal identity, in a handy format that lets you break it down by state or territory, or even federal documents (United States only, sorry.) and links to the right paperwork to use. Rainbow Passage- https://rainbowpassage.org/ It sucks that we need organizations like this in these times, but I'm glad to see there's people already stepping up to the task. Rainbow Passage is an organization dedicated to helping trans youth get out of trans-hostile states and relocate to safer areas. And if you can, volunteering for them is a great way to help improve safety for trans folk in general.

Seattle Voice Lab- https://www.seattlevoicelab.com/ if you've seen me on social media much lately, then you've seen me talking about this place. This is who I'm (through February and March at least) taking voice lessons through to feminize my own voice more. They also have a bunch of online resources, a discord server, and other help if you need to figure your own vocal chords out a bit better.

Strands For Trans- https://strandsfortrans.org/ Need a haircut, or color or other beauty services you're using for the first time ever as an out trans person and you're not sure where's going to be safe to go? Strands For Trans is the first comprehensive database of Aesthetics businesses for hair and everything, AND THEY VET THE BUSINESSES, to ensure your safety and comfort.

TLC's Life-Planning Guide- http://transgenderlawcenter.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/TLC_Life-Planning-Documents-Transgender.pdf The Transgender Law Center put this guide together specifically for planning end-of-life details. Yes, it's a depressing and tragic thing, but protecting and making sure our identities are still properly preserved after we die is still just as an important part of what we're fighting as anything else is. This guide will help you with establishing a Living Will, controlling hospital visits, and setting up proper Powers of Attorney, so that nothing potentially falls back into the hands of people who might refuse to recognize who you truly are. (In many states, you can designate someone other than your next of kin to take charge of your body when you die (next of kin is defined by law, not by preference). If you need to do that, go to nolo.com and look up article on "[your state] funeral law" to get a rundown on if and how to do this.

Trans Media

The Digital Transgender Archive- https://www.digitaltransgenderarchive.net "The purpose of the Digital Transgender Archive (DTA) is to increase the accessibility of transgender history by providing an online hub for digitized historical materials, born-digital materials, and information on archival holdings throughout the world." (In short, this is one of several free libraries of trans history.)

Totally Trans- https://www.patreon.com/totallytrans/posts Hey, look at that, it's another Patreon! Except, no, wait, it's a podcast! Totally Trans looks at media both historical and modern with a transgendered lens. Sometimes it's silly fun, other times, it's great insights into queer and trans history, and all around it's a great show to add on whatever service you're already getting podcasts through- or you can hit the link above to help support them at the same time for early access.

Trans News, Blogs, and Notes

Erin In The Morning: https://www.erininthemorning.com/ Erin's newsletter runs almost daily these days, mostly with updates regarding trans legislation all around the US. It's a good way to stay up to date, but it can also be a drag these days, largely because it's practically just a constantly expanding list of bad news thanks to the GOP right now.

Stained Glass Woman: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/ aka Doc Impossible/Zoe. I first discovered her work and writing when WPATH released their new SOC 8 guidelines, because she was one of the few people that could make the thing actually make sense in non-legalese. But I subscribed andkeep following here for regular updates both because she presents a trans coming out narrative that was just a joy to read, and also covers interesting  news in the field of trans medicine from time to time. Definitely worth adding to your feed.

A Self Defense Study Guide for Trans Women and Gender Non-Conforming / Nonbinary AMAB Folks: https://www.silversprocket.net/2021/09/13/a-self-defense-study-guide-for-trans-women-and-gender-non-conforming-nonbinary-amab-folks/

This is, quite honestly, one of the best self-defense guides I've seen for gender-nonconforming folks (and one of the few, to be honest), short of private defense instruction. AND it's available to read in full for free at that link, or in print for just a 5$ donation. Go check it out.

Other general roundups

Grassroots GAC Resources- https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19kSzBLo_hjpiBjHN8tvK73sVHU25NKWjMau2vNl8uuM/edit#gid=778305468 Google spreadsheet of links in general, from therapy help and hrt assistance, to all sorts of other info, some of which are repeats from here, but there's also a bunch of others I haven't had time or opportunity to vet yet.

[sexboobomb]

Hey, congrats on tracking her down. Hope y'all have a reptiletastic time.

And thanks for the based politics. I just started HRT back in February. For the first time in 29 years, I don't want to die. At every turn, every hit, I want to live even more. But for it to still be so goddamn uncertain, like, fuck. I don't want to run. I want to stand my ground. But if Trump wins, I seriously don't think I can stay in the country. And I hate that. I don't want to run. I don't want to have to apply for asylum and hope some other country will at least value my life enough to let me not die.

Lots of fucking nutters in your ask box. Lots more replying to you. People arguing that it needs to get worse before it can get better, like... That's just quitting. What they're doing is ceding ground and treating transgender people like acceptable casualties. Strategic losses.

Idk, I just needed to vent. I'm glad you're here. Even if you don't feel the need to reply, thank you. This rambled a lot, I fear.

I know it might be scarier and more difficult than doing so through “proper channels”, but I’d strongly suggest researching DIY HRT ahead of the election because you’re absolutely right. HRT is a life-changing treatment and it is important to be have a backup plan for if Trump wins and tries to ban it entirely.

I’m in a similar boat myself, except that I’ve gotten an orchiectomy so if I lose access to HRT I won’t “just” destination, I’ll have 0 sex hormones and have serious medical complications as a result. It’s terrifying to see how many people who say they care about trans lives are fully willing to just sit back and let Trump win.

[creature-crow]

If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to take you up on your offer of hrt advice. I don’t really know where to start and I’d appreciate any help

yes of course!! i would love to help. Admittedly i don't have much advice to offer if you live in area that makes it more difficult to obtain it, since i was able to get mine pretty easily from an informed consent clinic. Ideally you'll also have one near enough you that you can go to. They're the simplest because you won't need any kind of support letter, you just have to listen to the effects and side effects of hrt and consent to it!

Someone has gone ahead and compiled a list of informed consent clinics, you can see if theres one near you : )

(primarily usa, i wouldn't know much about anything outside that myself srry)

For me, my clinic was very supportive. They simply told me what to expect and asked me what i was looking for results-wise and we went from there. If yours is unfortunately less so then don't be afraid to be assertive. Be clear on what you want out of hrt and that you accept the risks.

If you need info on hrt then here looks like a p good comprehensive starting point

I also searched around a lot on trans subreddits for other trans ppls experiences and recommendations. There's a lot of variability in how hrt can affect you so it's good to hear from other trans folks!

As for my personal experience starting hrt, i called my clinic and asked to set up an appointment for hrt care. This was a simple phone appt where they gave me the information on hrt and i reiterated my desire to go on it. I was prescribed hrt right away, but i had to also set up an appt. for a blood lab; you need to get a baseline of your levels before starting. Then you'll get another blood lab after three months, and depending on if it looks consistent it'll go to after six months then every year.

As for the actual prescription, i just started on a low dose of oral estrogen and spironolactone for my antiandrogen. They might prescribe the estrogen as oral but you can also take it sublingual, in fact that's what my prescriver encouraged. You can also look into other antiandrogens if you want, otherwise yeah spiro is the common one prescribed.

And I will say, if you do get on hrt, make sure to be aware of what levels you need/want to hit, and check for yourself what your levels are at when you get your test results. I wasnt quite hitting the right levels at first but i was nervous to say anything. but that meant i was on too low a dose at first, and nobody said anything ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

now im on a higher spiro dose and my t levels are actually reduced to the right level. So! advocate for yourself always. And if you want to change to say patches or gel or shots, set up another appointment to ask for it. Some doctors might have certain gripes against one form or another but it's your choice and you should be firm with it.

and if where you live there aren't any good clinics/hrt is gatekept, don't be afraid to look into diyhrt! Just be sure to check your local laws on it, and read up on what medical risks to keep an eye out for! there are some good resources online, but again im not the best resource for that.

I hope this helps! Feel free to message me if need any more info or help : ) and if anyone else has more info, esp with regards to working with clinics that aren't informed consent, please feel free to chime in!

we all gotta help each other <3

[bigusbossus]

Do you have any resources on appropriate T-gel dosing and what side effects to watch out for? I'm also diy'ing but keep noping out out of fear. Im only using it to get certain changes, not planning on using it long term, if that's relevant here.

this has a bunch of information on what to expect I'm not sure if it's got information about gel dosing though

but my boyfriend takes gel (and unlike me he's not diy'ing) and here's what he says

if you have gel packets I heard it's good to start with half a packet a day :)

also going off t after you've reached your goal is completely okay like there really isn't a procedure for that, you can just stop anytime you want to though there would be some changes that would happen as your hormones even out and estrogen becomes the main hormone again

[lesless]

Skin

I’ve been frustrated with my skin lately because of the start/stop/start/stop of nicotine has thrown my hormones off a bit & I’ve never had skin issues outside of the occasional blemish due to hormones. I finally snapped during a PMS flare up & did a bunch of research (I say that loosely) trying to figure out how to correct it. I also bought a laser facial package which did seem to help the texture/scarring a bit but I was still getting little white bumps all over my cheeks. I was frustrated beyond belief.

I started using Head & Shoulders to wash my face since the bumps looked like a lot of examples of folliculitis, followed by a leave-on Salicylic acid in case that wasn’t the issue, & hyaluronic acid to prevent drying out. It has been a few weeks & I must say my skin is smoothing out! I still have some hyperpigmentation scars that are fading with the laser + vitamin C&E. I’m not sure which step is helping or if all of them are working together but it’s a relief to feel like the little bumps are going away. I might just buy a cheap zinc face wash going forward but I didn’t want to spend $ on something before trying the DIY solution I had laying around, which don’t have reports of issues for most folks.

Anyway I figured I’d share in case someone else is having these odd little white bumps pop up.

[nekhcore]

I've been seeing the term diy hrt around, I've never heard of it before but I assume the name is self explanatory. Is it like where you make your own T or what? Is it cheaper than going through therapy and getting a diagnosis and prescription? Or is it something else entirely?If you have any resources on what it is exactly/how to safely start diy hrt could you answer with a short explanation or some links(preferebly within tumbler posts, I can't look anything up on this topic, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered you with this question).

Again sorry to bother you, hope you have a nice day.

Sincerely, a trans guy in serious need of HRT

Long answer, sorry…

DIY HRT is just a catch-all term for “not under supervision/guidance of a doctor”. The most well-known example of this is grey market estrogen bought online, but it can really look like anything. Using leftover patches of your friend, getting spare vials from a guy with a stockpile, buying HRT online… etc. Resources for trans guys who want to DIY are a bit harder to find because T has actual legal repercussions in most places.

In my case, I’m mostly taking the piss because a lot of people seem to think that if you take hormones without a doctor who has no fucking clue what they’re doing to shrug at you, you’ll fucking explode and die.

I’m a dual-citizen. In the States I have a prescription through Planned Parenthood, but where I actually live trans care is abysmal. We have a local group of transmascs who used to stock up abroad then distribute/sell T to the others who didn’t have a prescription. Nowadays though the T shortage in Europe isn’t as bad and our country isn’t as serious about restricting T, so I found a way to buy mine without a prescription.

Getting bloodwork privately and checking your own levels is pretty easy once you know what to ask for and know how to read your results. Big news: the labs don’t actually give a shit what the results say, they’re just going to give it to you. If a “woman” shows up and gets hormones tested and has male range T levels they’re not going to do jack shit about it because their job is just to test it and tell you. I’ve been doing my own bloodwork and adjusting my own dose based on my levels and how I feel for the last 2 years and I haven’t died horribly yet.

It’s not cheaper, unfortunately, because it’s all out of pocket. Insurance coverage would be really nice but I don’t want to risk having a transphobic doctor tell me what to do. (I wouldn’t listen)

The least blatantly illegal way I can think of DIYing is having a friend whose vials are prescribed single-use and sharing it. That way he’s not losing out, and you get to partake too. Where I live they sell ampoules, not vials, so you have to break them open to use them. Me and my best friend get together for shots sometimes to waste less by drawing up from the same ampoule, since we have to throw out whatever is left anyways. Nothing inherently dangerous about it as long as you’re all using sterile needles and syringes.

I have also seen cases where guys who suddenly switch to a different form of T (gel to injections or vice versa) and have some left over will give away their remainder to someone local.

If you’re in the States, I highly recommend trying Planned Parenthood or an informed consent clinic. I did my initial appointment over telehealth, signed some forms digitally, and had my prescription sent to the pharmacy of my choice the same day. It costed me like $170 without insurance. The prices vary regionally but you can try to ask for a price estimate if they offer gender services in your area.

If you lived in my city I would tell you to meet up with me in real and I’ll show you the pharmacy chain I go to and buy for you until you pass well enough to buy it yourself. Штета.

Dosing is easy. If you’re on cypionate or enthanate, those are weekly doses. You can start at 20-40mg a week and raise your dose little by little each week until you’re at a place you’re comfortable with or until you get the dose that works best for your body. It’s better to dose a little low than too high.

As for doing bloodwork? If private labs are easily accessible, ask for the following things: testosterone, estrogen (I do E2 estradiol), cholesterol, and hematocrit. Personally I get hormones, cholesterol, and a general blood test packet because it covers the rest. Make sure your hormones levels are in male range—look them up online if your results only show female ranges—and make sure your hematocrit and cholesterol aren’t getting too high either. Better to have slightly lower T levels and be healthy everywhere else than high T but also bad health elsewhere.

If money is an issue I get it. It’s not great for me either lol. I’ve had to delay my bloodwork for weeks because we get paid monthly and I didn’t have the $50 to spare for it, and I only just got a job that offers me any financial stability. Do what you can.

I’m sorry that I can’t give you resources on where exactly to acquire testosterone (and posting about them publicly risks getting them shut down, even if I did know) but I can advise you on how to care for yourself once you’ve gotten your hands on it.

[acorpsecalledcorva]

Identity Dysphoria

Reading The Sisters of Dorley before during and after TDoV has honestly completely unmade me and reminded me how fragile my identity really is.

For those who don't know The Sisters of Dorley is a serialised novel posted on AO3 but since published in print form that's essentially the extreme version of this post

It's a subversion of the force feminisation trope that takes aim at toxic masculinity, the patriarchy, misogyny, and particularly the transmisogyny implicit in the institution of medical transition.

The narrative is shown through the PoV of multiple characters, starting with Stef, a transfem egg who noticed her town has a "missing person/slightly higher than average height female population" problem and wants to be inducted into the hall. Christine, an inductee in the program in her 3rd year of feminisation struggling to fully embody her new identity, and Aunt Bea, the matron of the organisation and her experience with the previous much more brutal and sadistic regime.

Something that's very common and very carefully explored throughout is all the troubled boys history of trauma and abuse and the incredibly complex relationship that can have when interacting in a cisnormative Patriarchal society.

Essentially these boys have all been victims in their lives, something which society historically has no place for. That identity, of being a victimised male, is rejected at every turn and so they reject it internally as well. Pushing it to the deepest parts of their psyche and replacing it with something else. The thing that media and culture and the legal system have been screaming at them is what a man is supposed to be.

Dorley Hall offers an alternative. A really fucked up abusive and arguably even more traumatising alternative, but an alternative nonetheless. To let go of the "driftwood" they've been clinging to all their lives and learn how to create a completely new identity for themselves that's free from the intense pressures of masculinity.

And uhhhh yeah, that's a lot to think about as a AMAB person with DID that has been through the medical transition system in the UK.

Because hey guess what, realising that my current identity isn't really working out, rejecting it and burying it deep inside me and then coming up with a brand new identity to embody and explore is something I have done many many many times throughout my life.

I have tried to become multiple different kinds of male/masculine person over the years, none of them were sustainable for more than 18 months. Some were queer, others were painfully compcishet, often I thought about the possibility of womanhood and femininity but the conversations around trans people at the time just weren't receptive to the feelings I had and it was very clear to me that being trans was the only way you were allowed to do that.

The doors to feminity were eventually opened just enough for me to slip in (if you wish you were a trans girl then you're probably a trans girl) and so that's the identity I chose for myself. I came out to my wife, I went to the GP to get my referral, and then I just...waited. A 2 year waiting list before my first appointment was welcome at the time to give me a chance to try to understand myself and decide what i wanted, but things are never simple.

This new identity as a trans woman still felt wrong. Presenting femininely and being viewed as a woman was something I very much aimed for, but made me deeply uncomfortable. I told myself it was the dysphoria, that my issues with my body were exacerbated by feminine clothing that stood in contast to how I physically looked. That when I got on HRT this would change and I'd feel better, I just need to trust in the programprocess and one day I'll get there.

Two things happened at the same time. I turned 30, and got my first appointment. Turning 30 made me panic at the idea of spending another decade as who I was and pushed me to order DIY hormones, and I got the letter for my first appointment which meant it was time to start socially transitioning.

Because the NHS does not believe that you can make physical changes to your body without also changing your social status. You have to be out to family and friends and work and college or whatever, you have to legally change your name and have lived experience to prove that you are committed (in reality it's not that harsh but the message is very much that your life will be much harder and you'll be viewed with more suspicion if you don't do these things)

So I was a good little tran and did what was asked if me. And if there's one aspect of my transition I regret? It's that. Because no matter how affirming and inclusive the message from the community is, society doesn't work that way. By coming out as a trans woman, I told the world to expect something from me. And there are much higher expectations placed on trans women for performative feminity than there are on cis women, there just are. A trans woman is a very specific object in the eyes of most people in wider society and I am not that, like, at all.

I hate my legal name and title, showing my ID makes me cringe, going to the doctor and having F on my record and then showing up as me is physically painful. I hate that I feel pressured to dress a certain way when going to events with other trans and queer people just to communicate to them "no no I promise, I'm one of you, don't look beneath the mask please don't look beneath the mask"

Because truthfully? I'm not. I'm not trans. I'm not queer. I'm not anything. Because I was never allowed to be anything.

My trauma extends back to infancy, my development has never progressed in the absence of it. I am completely and comprehensively informed by it. If I'm anything it's Assigned Traumatised at Birth. My identity as a child was formed as a reaction to an unstable environment and trying to survive it. My teenage identity was formed as a means to escape my childhood and trying to become the kind of adults that were more than happy to let a troubled teenager hang out with them. My adult identity was formed as a reaction to "oh shit I'm supposed to actually function now fuck how do I do that" and the many ways I failed. My internal female identities were formed because what happened to me isn't supposed to happen to boys so I made up a girl for it to happen to instead. And my trans identity formed because fuck, what else is there left for me to try? If we wanna get really really real with it, transition was an act of suicide. The attempt to completely obliterate who I was so that I could try to become something new.

The problem is that none of these identities are me, because there is no me. I never formed. I am only and have only ever been a collection of attempts to survive, a reflection of the society that's attacked and assaulted me at every turn. That constantly views me with suspicion because they can tell that I'm not being genuine. Because I can't be genuine.

I never can.