#or jjong live translations
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taemins-toothbrush · 3 months ago
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the oasis reunion has triggered memories of me blasting their album definitely maybe and searching for shinee translation videos and crying over beauty school
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acebytaemin · 6 years ago
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you know what the best trope is. when one person always gets all the attention but they don’t care and only want the attention of the other. that’s the best trope.
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onewistotoro · 7 years ago
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it was through blue night that i had a deeper understanding of how beautiful your heart is; of how exceptionally good you are with expressing your inner thoughts and feelings through your words and music. in the middle of the night, it was your voice alone that kept us company. every moment spent with you was precious. you are loved, jjongd. thank you. ☽️
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jjonghyun · 7 years ago
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knjarchipoet · 7 years ago
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cosmojjong · 2 years ago
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I know you’re super busy but a transcription or a translation would be great whenever you have the time :)) but please don’t feel obligated at all, you’re so sweet just to offer. they just looked like they were having so much fun performing it I wanted to know more, go young bae is a treasure
okay firstly i want to apologize for the late answer, this has been in my drafts for a long time but i just had so much on my mind that i couldn't find the strength to do everything, hopefully you'll still be able to read this. i added both transcription and translation, please know i couldn't double-check so this is a rough translation and i may come up with a better wording later.
for context (for anyone who may not know), whose baby is a song that jonghyun and go young bae wrote together on monthly live connection and it talks about a fun contest they are having. it's a joke between the two of them where they try to see who the person will choose. during the show, they asked the audience to choose between jjong and young bae! unfortunately it is not on youtube, not that i have ever seen it, but you may find it on twitter (there's also a subbing of the ep i did with a friend, it's somewhere linked on my blog.)
LONG POST!! idk how to edit it from my phone
whose baby
oh baby!
종현: 앙다문 야무진 입술
동글동글 ���짝대는 두 눈
whose baby?
고영배: 오밀조밀 귀여운 네 코
품에 쏙 들어올 듯한 너
whose baby?
종현: 널 보면 뭔가에
홀린 듯이 멍하니
가만 보고 있게 돼
고영배: 누구라 해도 이젠 널 절대 양보 못해
그러니 어서
종현/고영배: 말해줘 둘중에 누군지
고영배: 누가 더 네 맘에 드는지
종현: 넌 당황스럽겠지만 난 당장 듣고 싶어
이건 인연일지 몰라
종현: 달콤한 로맨티스트 어때
만날땐 항상 서프라이즈 파티
고영배: 그정도는 나도 해주지
심지어 난 기타도 잘 쳐
종현: 말해줘 둘중에 누군지
고영배: 누가 더 네 맘에 드는지
종현: 넌 당황스럽겠지만 난 당장 듣지 못하면
오늘 밤 못 잘 것 같아
고영배: 말해줘 둘중에 누군지
종현: 누가 더 네 맘에 드는지
고영배: 한 발도 물러설
생각이 없어 난
종현: 막상막하 대결인 걸
고영배: 이제 진검승부인 걸
종현/고영배: 얘인지 나인지 결정해줘 yeah
translation:
firm pouty lips (t/n: i wouldn't know the exact english word but i think 야무진 입술 is something similar to shutting your lips in a slight pout)
round shiny eyes
whose baby?
your cute pointy nose
(feels like) you're coming into my arms
whose baby?
when i look at you,
it's like i am mesmerized
i can just look at you
it doesn't matter who it is (that you choose), i can never give you up now, so come on
tell me who it is, between the two of us
who is it, that you like most?
you may feel flustered, but i need to hear the answer right now
this might be meant to be
how about a sweet romantist?
everytime we meet, it's always a surprise party
i can also do that much for you
i play the guitar well too
tell me who it is, between the two of us
who is it, that you like most?
you may feel flustered, but if i don't hear it right away
i don't think i will be able to sleep tonight
tell me who it is, between the two of us
who is it, that you like most?
i have no intentions of backing down
we're at a tie
on a one on one battle
decide if it's him or me, yeah
(*종현 is jonghyun and 고영배 is go young bae)
i agree with what you said about the song, it's fun and it's a shame it didn't get as much attention. enjoy and have a good day!
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jjongslight · 3 years ago
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(hi!) I think jinki's solo stuff and taemin's solo stuff are two sides of the same coin. To me they give a similar bittersweet feeling, they just lean on the light/dark aesthetic respectively much more (the other members don't seem to overlap as much to me). So when they were joking in the atlantis vlive about jinki covering move, I was dying bc I'd give so much to see jinki cover a taemin song
Heeey!
Ooh I just love this ask, because apart from the fact they are both cancer moons which consolidated the similar vibe I felt too, it just always felt to me that they had a very similar aura. They always both had this melancholy to them which definitely translates to their art. They both create bittersweet, angsty and existential infused art. It's just always there, even in Taem's more upbeat songs.
And I think their introverted nature paired with what I see as a difficulty to deal with the well of emotions they have inside and communicate it to people is why they give off such similar vibes, contrary to someone like Jjong who was much more cognizant and spontaneous emotionally.
Anyways. XD These are just observations I have, but I totally agree with what you are saying. And maybe that's why Taem is such a fan of Jinki's voice and wants to see him do a dance track and even cover Move (that bit of the live almost killed me as well), because he would have that same ability to bring the emotional and tortured feel to it that Taem displays in his art. I would definitely pay big bucks to see Jinki cover a Taemin song. Like that brief vid of him singing Sayo Hito just made me so hungry for more. It would be out of this world.
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dojae-huh · 4 years ago
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I feel lucky for choosing the best boys in my fav groups. Key gives so much to his fans, he was the first idol to start insta lives. He even tried Facebook live but that didnt work so he kept to insta live and talks in all three languages he can speak, english, korean and japanese. He even released 2 english songs worked with a british pop artist to reach his ifans.when jjong died he reached out to us and made us feel part of them even though they just went through the funeral as the main ppl.
Doyoung might be shit at languages but he tries so hard to involve all his fans in his vlives and bubble msgs.He tries to reply to ppl in chinese,the language hes comfortable writing in and even gives one word english answers to ppl on twitter.The boy last night really worked hard and made his fans get loads of his selfies. He even sings for us for free, basically hes busking in most recent vlives. They both might be very private but they really do love their fans and I love being here for them
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I have mixed feelings about it.
I’ve recently seen a translation of a post with the question “Why do you think EXO are still so popular?”, and many Koreans replied “because they care so much about the fans”. 
So, not the music, not the positive energy on concerts, attention. 
Idols like Key and Doyoung are to be respected and treasured, but they go far beyond what should be expected from a performer. Key put aside his own hurt and became a therapist for the fans? Was it in his contract?
OK, maybe for Key it was also a way to heal, to mourn together, I don’t know him. However, fans become greedy, and expectations are transferred from the caring and social ones onto other idols. For example, I’ve seen people complain that they pay for several Bubble subscriptions, and some of the chosen idols “dare” to write very little. Or fans being furious that an idol didn’t tell them about dating “in time”. Or Jaehyun being called arrogant. Or Do stans jokingly complaining that “he forgot about us, he is watching a tv-series”. 
In the end, taking care of the fans becomes more important than the music itself. And the idol that sings and dances well, but is not social, is not liked. 
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hoshees · 5 years ago
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Could you please do Seventeen as Shinee songs? For a fellow Caratshawol! -- 💎🎄🥕
omg i’m LIVING for this question i love it so much…. apologies for taking so long to answer! i wanted to answer well :)
s.coups: hold you - try to contain yourself while u imagine cheol rocking key’s opening rap and then minho’s rap in the second verse…. spoiler: u can’t. this song is sexy and so is cheol. considering he’s one of my bias wreckers are we shocked by this development??? probably not. 
jeonghan: odd eye - mostly i’m thinking abt that jeonghan solo stage… u know the one…. all i gotta say is: neck tat… like that artistic and sensual but somewhat sinister vibe that jeonghan can pull off so well when he performs? yes. i also think his voice would sound beautiful singing it–especially taem and jjong’s parts.
joshua: tonight - this song sounds like shua and u can’t change my mind. the lyrics are romantic but they’re also really natural? and i feel like his voice would fit perfectly with it too… imagine… rocket pt.2… joshua singing the vocal parts and vernon doing the raps……… ur welcome
jun: shift - ok ok ok so i was listening to this and laughing bc there’s a lyric that says “i saw you from the beginning” and it’s POIGNANT bc jun was the first member that caught my eye and i thought abt maybe biasing him but then hoshi opened his mouth and started talking abt shinee (a shift occurred… get it? hahahaha ok) so… that ship sailed but!! this song is one of my favorites and it’s kinda funky but still really elegant and i think that fits jun? also he could rly sing it well and i feel like him dancing to this would be *chefs kiss*
hoshi: juliette - picking this for two sentimental reasons: 1) it’s his favorite shinee song and he’s talked abt how it inspired him to be an idol and 2) listening to it makes me happy and soonyoung makes me happy so… :) + honorable mention to lucky star bc that’s what he is for me
wonwoo: undercover - alright where do i START. maybe with lyrics. “my feet paddle so quickly underwater / but my face is peaceful, you don’t know / even though i’m always so busy before the curtains go up / in front of you, i’m acting cool / […] just like the dark shadows / seep into the night / i’m digging into your consciousness / inside you, undercover” huh?? huhhhhhh????? this is so wonu. like that cool demeanor he has when he’s performing but also that versatility he possesses? and the TALENT. amazing. also for some reason the whistling in this makes me think of him i’m not sure why but it works somehow
woozi: beautiful life - this song was written by jinki and i feel like he and jihoon would share similar sentiments regarding this song. it makes me think of jihoon’s fancafe post after an ode broke their sales record and he talked about how grateful he is and how much work he put into the album and how “it’s a thankful life.” also the piano and guitar combo is so magical and makes me think abt jihoon and the kind of music he writes and how beautiful it is… and how he makes my life more beautiful too :) @ jihoon pls sing this one day 
dk: i’m with you - when i think of seokmin i think of comfort and that was this song is for me. it’s one of the most beautiful shinee songs ever imo, which… FITTING. it’s definitely in my favorites and i would LOVE to hear him sing it. 
mingyu: your number - this is one of my favorite shinee songs ever (it’s the first video i showed my best friend when i was trying to get her into them) falling in love at first sight in a bookstore while it’s raining outside? yes please. and i just feel like this song is so wholesome and clever just like mingyu. also i think he could really cover minho’s parts in this so well (the rapping and singing) and picturing him doing this choreography is making me smile so BIG wow ok i’ll stop now
the8: picasso - ok first i thought of this bc i was being cheesy since hao paints and appreciates art (and IS art) but the more i think abt it the more it just FITS… the vibe of the song in general mixed w the lyrics and the power of the performance…… very minghao i must say
seungkwan: sunny side - nothing elicits an emotional reaction in me quite like this song. do yourself a favor and listen to it while you read the translation (unless u know japanese? don’t want to assume lol) because you will be HEALED. this is how i feel abt seungkwan tbh like his voice is so soothing and his demeanor is so lovely and i can’t help but feel better when i see him :’)
vernon: get it - firstly, i feel like this is a very vernon thing to say. secondly… rapping. but in all seriousness the percussive aspect of this song reminds me of vernon like it’s got RHYTHM and so does he. the 3:00 minute mark especially has vernon written ALL OVER IT. it’s an older song so parts of it are a little cringe and the lyrics are a bit questionable but he could rly do something with it ya know. vernon rewrite get it and perform it pls and thank u
dino: why so serious? - LISTEN this song gives me chan vibes i can’t quite describe it but i can see him covering it VIVIDLY in my head when i listen to it and it seems like something he could rly make his own… powerful (that guitar!!) and kinda cheeky w raps that remind me of his style a bit 
thank u again i rly loved doing this! caratshawols UNITE
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bluenight-radio · 5 years ago
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140313
blue night radio ♡ (38th broadcast)
stream: mixcloud
guest: iu
commercial break: none
translation: 1, 2
song list: here
cute parts: at 0:38:30 jonghyun says on the days he feels down, whenever he talks to iu he feels better again :-) and at 0:45:50 + 1:29:10 iu (and jjong) sings “gloomy clock” live!
me translating again, beware of not 100% accurate translation!
picture:
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source: 1, 2
more pictures: here
tweets: 1, 2, 3, 4
← previous episode | next episode →
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rollercoasterwrite · 5 years ago
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Guilty Pleasure.
One-shot written for the lovely Dee aka jjongyyu ~  
Au where Jonghyun works in the Creative Affairs department of an entertainment company and has a secret crush on Jinki who is the young handsome CEO of that company. Oh and Minho is Jonghyun’s bff/fuck buddy. 
Prompt/Plot : Jonghyun will be fired by his head department soon, so before he's kicked out he braves himself to ask his CEO (Jinki) out for a date.
Pairing : Jongyu
Genre : Romance, angst, slice of life
Word count : 8 k ~
Jonghyun didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or punch someone in the face. Of all the things he would’ve thought could’ve happened today, getting fired wasn’t one of them.
The tension in his face must’ve been clear, because then he heard, ‘’ If things could’ve been any different we would’ve kept you Mr. Kim, but with the merging of the two companies… we have to make some changes. ‘’
His eyebrow cocked. Changes? The word echoed in his mind in a loop, growing louder and louder until a clench was visible in his jaw. The unease he could read on the HR lady’s face only added to his anger.
‘’ Changes? ‘’ he finally spat out as he rose from his chair. A flash of fear crossed the woman’s face before him, but he went on nonetheless.
‘’ I’ve devoted almost 7 years of my life to this company and you’re now telling me that my presence here is just some kind of liability to the company’s growth? ‘’
His words rang loudly in the room, their release harboring all the rage and disbelief that had bottled up inside him.
A heavy silence followed them while an expression of fear hung over the woman’s delicate features. Jonghyun suddenly felt ridiculous for his outburst, but he didn’t just want to relent; not after all he had given over the years.
‘’ Look, Mr. Kim, ‘’ the long-haired brunette carefully uttered. ‘’ I know our CEO has planned to write letters of recommendation for all the employees who are being let go so that they can find jobs in similar companies. ‘’
‘’ You’ll be fine, ‘’ she ended with a tight smile.
Unbeknownst to her, only one word had been enough to make his anger drop. In its stead, longing and distress curled into a tight knot inside his stomach. His jaw fell slack and his gaze became unfocused as he let his mind go astray.
‘’ Mr. Kim? ‘’
The sound of her voice instantly snapped him back to attention. He shook off any distraction with a sharp cough and quick swipe of his hands on his blazer.
‘’ I understand, Mrs. Hwang, thank you. ‘’
After giving a quick bow in her direction, he walked towards the door and grabbed the knob. A sudden surge of imminent fear clawed at his insides, but he managed to exit the room with his dignity intact.
No one would see him falter.
                                                          ***
No one at work anyways, because as soon as he left his workplace, his phone was on his ear, ready to spill his heart out to the only one he trusted enough to do so.
He lucked out after three rings.
‘’ Is this a booty call? ‘’
The question wasn’t unusual, pretty regular actually, but in that moment, Jonghyun was totally caught off guard.
‘’ Woah… how about ‘’ hello, how are you? ‘’ ‘’
He heard the other snort.
‘’ Oh yeah, I remember when we used to have normal conversations… ‘’ the other answered, making Jonghyun sigh at the heavy sarcasm in his tone. ‘’ When you didn’t just need me for my dick, ‘’ he went on nonetheless.
Jonghyun sighed again, closing his eyes to regain the little composure he had left. ‘’ You know you’re more than that to me… ‘’ He ignored the click of the tongue he heard and said, ‘’ Something bad happened and I need to talk… ‘’
The soft tone in which his request had been made seemed to do the trick, because the next thing that came out of his friend’s mouth was, ‘’ Where do you want to meet? ‘’
The blonde’s lips stretched into a lopsided smile. ‘’ My place? ‘’
‘’ Fine. See you in a few, ‘’ the other settled before hanging up.
That only had Jonghyun feeling lighter. With a renewed energy, he got into his car and hit the road. One thing he had always enjoyed was how close he lived to his workplace, but his quick arrival to the apartment complex in which he lived in only reminded him that in two weeks he wouldn’t have that luxury anymore.
Everything had been so perfect and he was now losing it all. Jonghyun would’ve loved to say that the worst thing about this news was that he was going to lose his job, but it really wasn’t. He was losing the one thing he had been fantasizing about day in and day out for the last year and a half. He felt stupid, childish and a little delusional when he thought about it, but that hope had kept him going more than anything else.
The thought of that imminent loss made every step he took towards his apartment feel heavier. When he was finally in, he got out of his blazer, loosened his tie and fell back on his couch, shielding himself from his surroundings by the arm he brought up to cover his eyes.
This is so fucking shitty.
That statement translated into a groan in the outside world, a groan that held all his tiredness and frustration. He wasn’t one to admit it, but he didn’t like change. He didn’t like the idea of having to change up his routine even in the slightest, so the thought of having to change such a big part of his life was definitely one of the scariest things ever.
He wasn’t tall to begin with so having to jump over that big of a hurdle didn’t seem feasible to him. Images of him breaking a leg were already piling up in his mind, bringing a slight tremble to his hands.
He straightened up immediately to bring his focus elsewhere, anywhere, but he was saved the trouble as the doorbell suddenly rang.
Jonghyun jumped off the couch and ran towards the door, unlocking it quickly before turning the knob.
A grin cracked his lips as he pulled his tall friend inside and closed it. Before he could have the mind to greet him, his eyes zeroed in on the bottle the other had in his hands.
‘’ What’s that? ‘’
The brunette smiled. ‘’ Some Jack. ‘’
Jonghyun scrunched up his nose in slight disgust. ‘’ Why didn’t you bring rum? ‘’
The other’s smile instantly dropped. ‘’ Are you serious right now? ‘’
A twinge of guilt made Jonghyun realize how ungrateful he was being. ‘’ No, I’m not, ‘’ he immediately retracted. He extended a hand to squeeze the other’s free one. ‘’ Thank you. ‘’
Their eyes locked for a while, leaving place to an unspoken conversation that left the air around them heavy and tense.
Jonghyun pulled his gaze away first. ‘’ Minho… ‘’
His mind trailed down the usual road it went whenever he was around his best friend, but a sudden curve brought him elsewhere, leaving him on a road full of bumps that lead to a dead end.
‘’ I got fired. ‘’
The words stumbled out his mouth like a pile of rocks, crushing anything else between and around them.
Minho’s eyes doubled in size as his mind wrapped itself around what he had just heard.
‘’ Fired? ‘’ he all but yelled in the hazardous zone the other’s words had just created.
Jonghyun nodded before all the tension that had built up in his body left him with a sigh. The little energy he had left seemed to leave him too, so he turned away and found his way back onto the couch again. Sitting this time.
Minho followed suit and was right beside him a second later. ‘’ Jjong… ‘’
The brunette’s soft voice had the blonde looking his way.
‘’ How can this be? ‘’
Jonghyun’s lips thinned in a brief smile from the worry he could hear in his friend’s voice.
‘’ Remember when I told you there would be a fusion of our rival company with ours? ‘’ The other nodded instantly. ‘’ Well, unbeknownst to us, that also meant that they would have to make some cuts in the staff to be able to afford all the costs that came with that reorganization… ‘’
Another sigh left him again. ‘’ So they cut me… ‘’
A deep frown creased the other’s brow. ‘’ The fuck? ‘’
‘’ Yup. My exact reaction when I first got the news, but there’s no way around it, so… ‘’ He inhaled deeply. ‘’ I just have to be a man and accept it. ‘’
‘’ Or you can be a man and fucking kick their asses, ‘’ Minho rectified as his hands tightened into fists.
Jonghyun knew the other was seriously angry for him, but he couldn’t help but find the sight endearing.
A breathy laugh left his plump lips. ‘’ It’ll be fine, Minho, ‘’ he reassured. ‘’ I already feel better talking to you. ‘’ His hand slid on the other’s thigh before he gave it a soft squeeze.
He knew that had the desired effect when he saw the other’s features soften.
‘’ What about Jinki? ‘’ Minho asked in a whisper as his gaze settled on the hand the blonde had on his thigh.
Jonghyun flinched. ‘’ Mr. Lee, ‘’ he instantly corrected before retracting his hand.
‘’ Whatever, Jjong. We’re talking about the same person. ‘’
Jonghyun didn’t fail to hear the sudden edge in his friend’s voice. ‘’ What about him? I won’t be seeing him anymore anyways… ‘’
As much as he wanted that to put an end to the conversation, he knew there was no chance it would.
And it didn’t.
‘’ You’ve been fantasizing about this man for the last year and a half, Jjong. You can’t just act like it’s nothing. ‘’
Jonghyun fell silent as Minho peered at him intently. ‘’ What do you want to me say? ‘’ he uttered after a while, voice quiet.
‘’ I don’t want you to say anything, Jjong. I want you to do something, ‘’ Minho sighed.
The blonde’s eyes widened. ‘’ Do what? ‘’
A small smile brightened the other’s face. ‘’ You’re leaving that place anyways, so why not risk it all and ask your boss on a date? ‘’
Jonghyun seemed to forget how to swallow in that moment, because a second later air failed him and left him struggling through a coughing fit.
‘’ Are you crazy? ‘’ he shrieked when he finally recovered.
Minho chuckled. ‘’ Well, I’d say a little craziness never hurt nobody. ‘’ He then scooted a little closer, leaving little space between them. ‘’Plus, I’m getting tired of you moaning this man’s name whenever I’m fucking you. ‘’
Jonghyun felt his face burn with embarrassment, making him immediately look down. ‘’ That only happened once… ‘’
The words barely left his mouth, but Minho heard them loud and clear. ‘’ No, it happened twice. And if it happens a third time, I’ll start getting jealous… ‘’
Jonghyun looked up again, eyes lighting up with surprise. ‘’ But… we’re… ‘’ The rest of his words died in his throat, reluctant to see the light.
‘’ I know what we are, Jjong, ‘’ the brunette filled in. ‘’ So I’m telling you that you should pursue the one you really want before this thing between us starts getting complicated, ‘’ Minho advised, his words bearing the heaviness of an untold truth.
The blonde swallowed hard against his now dry throat. ‘’ Minho… I… ‘’
His attempt to respond was cut short by a finger pressing against his lips.
The brunette gave him a reassuring smile.
‘’ Don’t worry about me, Jjong. Just go for it. ‘’
Jonghyun wanted to protest, but in that moment, he could only nod.
                                                       ***
But actually going for it definitely wasn’t the easiest thing in the world. Jonghyun had started out with great resolve the next morning, but when he had actually set foot in the building again, every bit of courage he had mustered up on his way left him. He was reminded that this wasn’t just one of his colleagues he had to go talk to. No, it was the actual CEO of their company for god’s sake. And it wasn’t like he was running into him every day either, so he quickly realized that for this to work out somehow, he needed to actually ask for an appointment with him. Which…
… was more than terrifying.
Jonghyun could actually count the times he had talked to Mr. Lee.
The first time was almost two years ago when the man had been promoted to the CEO chair to follow in his newly retired father’s footsteps. Jonghyun had been so excited for the change because the first Mr. Lee had been a source of fear to all of them and had made the workplace a living hell.
The transition had been honored with a big event after work.
They all found themselves in one big room, impatiently waiting for the man’s first speech. A few minutes later, they were granted their wish. As soon as the new CEO stepped on stage to introduce himself, Jonghyun knew they were in for a great era. The handsome brunette was all smiles and frankly that made Jonghyun unable to focus on what he was actually saying. Never had a man left such a strong impression on him with his presence alone.
After the speech was over, all the employees scattered throughout the room to talk and rejoice while Mr. Lee took the time to introduce himself to everyone personally. Jonghyun didn’t actually think he would get to talk to him, but somehow the taller man found his way to him.  
‘’ And to who do I have the honor to be talking to? ‘’ Mr. Lee asked with a dashing smile as he stopped in front of him.
Jonghyun blinked a few times, mind stunned by the fact that this man was actually real and actually talking to him.
‘’ So should I assume you have no name then? ‘’ Mr. Lee teased with a soft laugh.
It had taken him a few more seconds, but Jonghyun had finally managed to remember his name before the man had continued with his round of greetings.
The second time they had talked was during a congratulatory dinner that had been arranged to celebrate the great work the Creative Affairs department had been putting in to keep their company on the map.
That night, Jonghyun found himself in the spotlight for his ideas to the grand displeasure of their team manager, baby face Mr. Lee as they liked to call him, but that didn’t dampen his pride one bit, especially when Mr. Lee called for a toast in his honor.
Jonghyun felt his heart flip inside his chest when he locked eyes with the man who was sitting at the opposite end of the table, but he swiftly diverted his attention to his glass, emptying its content in one swift gulp.
The night went on with pleasant conversations as they ate and drank more than they could handle, Jonghyun being one of the only reasonable ones. Being a light drinker, he kept himself in check, sipping slowly on his second glass of rum as he fell back into more of an observant role. The one thing he found himself watching the most was his team manager sucking up to their CEO. He had always hated that little brat and he knew the feeling was mutual, but his over the top reactions towards everything the older man said only solidified that feeling.
After a while, Jonghyun decided to give himself a break by going out for some fresh air, without knowing that this would turn out to be the best decision he could have made. In a strange twist of fate, Mr. Lee came into his line of sight a few seconds later with another one of his irresistible smiles.
‘’ Do you mind if I keep you company for a while? ‘’
Jonghyun shook his head. ‘’ Not at all… ‘’
He nervously watched as the brunette plunged his right hand into one of his black dress pants pockets and took out a packet of cigarettes. The shock must’ve been visible on his face, because then Mr. Lee said, ‘’ I gotta admit… I can’t shake off this bad habit. ‘’
The airy laughter that followed his words had Jonghyun feeling weak in the knees and in that moment, he found himself thinking that this man couldn’t possibly be human.
‘’ Do you want one? ‘’ Mr. Lee asked.
Jonghyun shook his head again, slightly embarrassed, which earned him another melodious laugh from the other.
‘’ Hmm, you’re one of the wise ones then… I see you didn’t drink much tonight, ‘’ the older man observed.
Jonghyun inadvertently scrunched up his nose. ‘’ I wouldn’t say I’m wise… ‘’
‘’ Do you have a bad habit then… or should I say a guilty pleasure? ‘’
Yeah, gushing like a little schoolgirl over a man I barely know.
‘’ Is that really the kind of thing I can admit to our CEO? ‘’ Jonghyun pointed out instead with a bashful smile.
Mr. Lee then graced him with a smile even brighter than any of the ones he had seen before, making Jonghyun suddenly fear that he would lose his sight.
‘’ I was right then. You are pretty wise. ‘’
Jonghyun had thought at that moment that this was going to be the end of him, that he was going to die right this instant, but somehow he had managed to stay alive to finish the conversation nicely and get back to work the next day. He had found himself with even more motivation to push himself and give his all to the company.
The last time they had talked was a little over a month ago when there had been the first announcement about the merger between LJ entertainment and KK entertainment.
That day, a special meeting was called with all employees and a few hours later they were listening with worry and anger at the news. Jonghyun was worried and angry too, but once again, Mr. Lee’s presence provided his mind and body with great distraction.
Once the tense meeting was over, they all went back to their offices, but as soon as Jonghyun settled back in his chair, he received a call from the CEO’s secretary telling him that Mr. Lee wanted to see him. Jonghyun had no clue why that would be, but he didn’t question the request and immediately started walking towards the feared location. He had never actually set foot in his office before since his team manager was the one talking on their behalf, so he felt terrified. Especially after such news.
When he finally entered the man’s office and closed the door behind him, he felt like this was going to be his final moment.
‘’ Sit down, Mr. Kim, ‘’ Mr. Lee indicated with a smile as he crossed his arms on top of his desk.
Jonghyun wasn’t reassured one bit by that smile; he had had plenty of occasions to witness them and he now felt confident in knowing when they were genuine and when they were forced. This one definitely fell in the latter category.
The blonde still sat, his body tense as he waited for a catastrophe to come. He waited patiently, fearfully, but silence dragged on as the man facing him looked down to the table he was leaning against.
Jonghyun grew even more scared, which made his heart do a painful flip in his chest when Mr. Lee looked up again.  
‘’ Do you think I made the right decision, Mr. Kim? ‘’
The blonde’s eyes widened, surprised. ‘’ Eh? ‘’
Mr. Lee’s face relaxed as he laughed. ‘’ I’m sorry, Mr. Kim. I should explain myself better, ‘’ he realized as he straightened up some more.
‘’ I’m talking about the merger of LJ with KK, ‘’ he then specified with a retrieved seriousness.
Jonghyun’s brows creased in a deep frown, still confused by the other man’s inquiry.  ‘’ I don’t understand, Mr. Lee… you’re the CEO, we trust you know what’s best for the company. ‘’
His words made the older man sigh. ‘’ Can I be honest with you, Mr. Kim? ‘’
The blonde’s teeth dug into his bottom lip, mind still fear-ridden, before he nodded.
‘’ Being the CEO of a company doesn’t mean you have all the right answers, ‘’ he immediately shared in a way that revealed to Jonghyun the burden he was carrying on his shoulders.
‘’ I didn’t take this decision lightly, but I now fear the consequences, ‘’ the brunette went on, gaze still digging into his.
‘’ I’m sure you made the right decision, ‘’ Jonghyun instantly reassured. He didn’t know that to be true, but he did trust in the man facing him.
The ghost of a smile danced across the older man’s lips. ‘’ I don’t want you to tell me what you think I’d like to hear. I want you to tell me what you honestly think. ‘’
Jonghyun tensed up even more at that, body paralyzed for a few seconds. When he finally managed to remember that he was a human being and not a static object, he said, ‘’ But… why me, sir? ‘’
Mr. Lee really smiled then. ‘’ Because as I once told you before, you seem to be a wise man. ‘’
Jonghyun felt himself blush and looked away. ‘’ Sir, I’m not… ‘’
‘’ And I don’t know the whole spectrum of business management so I’m really not in a good position to-
‘’ I didn’t call you here for that, ‘’ Mr. Lee interjected. ‘’ I’m asking for your opinion because your work here tells me that you’re a man with great vision and intuition. You constantly seem to be thinking outside the box and that’s what our company needs more of. ‘’
Jonghyun froze in a state of shock again. To hear this man say those words to him… It was…
‘’ If there is one thing I definitely regret is not talking about this with you first, ‘’ the other man added more quietly.
Jonghyun’s gaze instantly shifted to his face as his heart fluttered. The look he saw on it gave him every indication that he was not joking.  
Upon the other man’s insistence, he had managed to share his true nuanced thoughts, leaving him feeling distraught and grateful when he had finally stepped out of his office half an hour later that day.
Now, all this seemed to be part of another life; a life that was ending in a few days. Jonghyun knew his time was now or never, but he really couldn’t see himself actually taking that step.
He was utterly terrified.
                                                         ***
Another few days passed and Jonghyun now knew that he would be leaving the company and Mr. Lee behind forever. He had been too caught up in making sure the projects and ideas he had been working on would be carried out in the way he had intended them to, to actually plan out how he was going to confess to their CEO.
And there was no need to, really. Entertaining that thought had been childish all along and it really wasn’t viable in their adult corporate world. Jonghyun knew there had never been a chance for him to actually get a date with their CEO. This wasn’t some romance story that created unlikely situations to fulfill the reader’s desires. This was real life; his life.  
And in his life, he was now three days away from being released from his current duties and falling into an abyss full of anxiety and rum. He still didn’t understand how something like that could’ve happened to him, but there he was, going through his files to reminisce over all that he had created over the years. It wasn’t his property to take and leave with, but it was proof that he had made a difference here.
A difference that didn’t seem to matter in the grand scheme of things, but a difference nonetheless.
Jonghyun was just about to go on his lunch break when the phone on his desk rang. He frowned at the unfamiliar caller ID, but answered anyways.  
‘’Hello? ‘’
‘’ Hello, Mr. Kim. This is Mr. Lee. ‘’
Jonghyun froze, once again petrified by the only idea that this man wasn’t just some kind of unreachable mirage.
‘’ Mr. Kim? ‘’
A quiet exhale left him as he was brought back to the reality of the moment. ‘’ Y-yes? ‘’
‘’ I need to ask you a favor. ‘’
Jonghyun’s eyes widened in surprise and slight confusion. ‘’ A favor? ‘’
‘’ Yes, ‘’ the other man confirmed before taking a slight pause that had Jonghyun sliding to the edge of his chair, alert. ‘’ I would like you to have dinner with me tonight. ‘’
Jonghyun’s shock came out in a string of coughs that had him lowering the phone to actually get himself back into a normal breathing state.
He finally glued the phone back onto his ear after a few seconds. ‘’ E-excuse me, sir? ‘’
A breathy laugh ensued. ‘’ I guess I should work more on my communication skills before I actually get one of my employees killed. ‘’
The jest had Jonghyun feeling more relaxed, a foolish smile cracking his lips. ‘’ I wasn’t expecting that, sir… ‘’
‘’ Well I don’t aim to be predictable, Mr. Kim. ‘’
The man’s smooth answer had Jonghyun’s heart racing despite the unforgettable formality of their relationship.
‘’ I can see that… ‘’
‘’ So, will you join me for dinner? ‘’ the older man reiterated.
Jonghyun chewed on his bottom lip as one of his fingers curled around the phone’s cord, mind reeling with what could be behind that request. It was a few more seconds before he realized that losing an opportunity to spend more time with the man he longed for would be beyond stupid.
He needed to make the most of the little time he had left in his presence.  
‘’ Yes, sir, ‘’ he finally answered.
                                                        ***
Jonghyun looked slightly in awe and disbelief at his surroundings as the waiter guided him through a dimly lit hallway, lined on each side with sliding shōji doors. He had been in Japanese restaurants before, but never had he been in one of those private dining rooms he had seen many times in the movies.
They finally stopped in front of one of them. Jonghyun had no time to even think about bailing out as the waiter slid the door open and gestured for him to enter. Jonghyun gave him a quick parting bow before he stepped into the room. The sound of the door sliding shut instantly made fear rise fiercely inside him and the eye contact that quickly followed did nothing to help his distress.
The warm chocolate eyes he looked into suddenly disappeared behind a resplendent smile.
‘’ Good evening, Mr. Kim. ‘’
‘’ Good evening, Mr. Lee, ‘’ the blonde shyly reciprocated, barely moving an inch.
‘’ Are you just going to stand there? ‘’ the brunette bantered, chuckling.
Jonghyun felt his face heat up and quickly moved to divert his attention from the sensation. He took seat on the mat settled in front of the table, bringing him to eye-level with the taller man.
‘’ I’m glad you could make it, Mr. Kim, ‘’ the young CEO acknowledged with a gentler smile.
Jonghyun’s teeth dug slightly into his bottom lip, gaze expectant. ‘’ Why am I here, sir? ‘’
‘’ I will tell you soon, ‘’ Mr. Lee reassured. ‘’ But first, let’s order some food. ‘’
The blonde slowly nodded and took the menu that was handed to him. He glanced at the options that were on it, but his discomfort prevented him from really giving them any real thought. Here he was, alone with the man that had been the object of his desire for an excruciatingly long time now, and he had no idea how to act.
‘’ Did you make a choice? ‘’
The question snapped him back to attention and he found himself embarrassed by his lapse in focus.
‘’ Um… no… I don’t really know what to choose, ‘’ he admitted.
‘’ Hmm, well I know what’s good here… ‘’ Mr. Lee briefly pondered. ‘’ Do you mind if I order for us both? ‘’
Jonghyun shook his head vigorously, more than happy to relent control. ‘’ No sir, not at all. ‘’
A few seconds later, the waiter came back in and took the order before leaving them be again.
At that moment, Mr. Lee reached into a bag that Jonghyun hadn’t noticed before and took out a bottle and two glasses. Once they were all settled between them, the blonde finally saw what the bottle was.
‘’ Vieux domaine? ‘’ he immediately gasped as his eyes doubled in size.
A prideful smile lit up the other man’s face as he grabbed the bottle to open it. ‘’ Yes, I couldn’t help but notice that you always went for rum, so I thought I’d bring one of my favorites. ‘’
The blonde’s look of surprise went from the bottle to him as his heart fluttered. He couldn’t believe this man had paid attention to his drink of choice. He couldn’t believe this man was even paying any attention to him.
Mr. Lee gave him another warm smile before pouring some of the drink in each glass. Once he set the bottle down onto the table again, he asked, ‘’ Would you mind if we went on a first name basis? ‘’
The question did nothing to relax the other’s expression, making him look back at the other man as if he had just said that he wanted to bend him over the table and fuck him.
The brunette chuckled. ‘’ Am I asking for too much? ‘’
‘’ No, sir… it’s just… ‘’ Jonghyun’s eyes darted downwards. ‘’ It’s just… we’re not… ‘’
‘’ I know what we are… Jonghyun. ‘’ The emphasis on his name had the blonde look up again, his face still unable to conceal his bewilderment. ‘’ But right now, I want this conversation to feel more comfortable, more… open, ‘’ the older man pinpointed in a tone that felt utterly honest.
Jonghyun slowly nodded as the other man’s words started registering in his mind. He knew calling his boss by his first name wasn’t going to be comfortable, but he felt honored to have that privilege.
‘’ Okay… Jinki, ‘’ he tried, before instantly cringing. Saying it in the privacy of his apartment was one thing, but saying it to the actual man was another. It didn’t feel right.
‘’ Jonghyun, ‘’ the other firmly called as he watched his employee recoil in a hunched stance.
The latter looked up again, embarrassed. ‘’ Relax, please, ‘’ the brunette insisted. He then took his glass into his hand. ‘’ Let’s drink. ‘’
The warm smile he was given then did help Jonghyun relax a bit and he picked up his own glass. Watching the other raise his glass, he did the same and brought it to his lips after a shared smile. He hummed in contentment as the different accents of warm spices mixed in with the rum danced across his taste buds before continuing their voyage down his throat.
‘’ I haven’t had that one in a while, ‘’ Jonghyun shared. ‘’ Thank you, si- ‘’ He bit his lip. ‘’ Jinki, ‘’ he rectified in a voice that had a little less assurance.  
Jonghyun didn’t miss how the one facing him tried to restrain himself from laughing. ‘’ It’s my pleasure, ‘’ Jinki finally replied.
The door slid open at that moment and in came a group of waiters and waitresses carrying various plates of food. By the time everything was displayed on the table, Jonghyun was left wondering how they would possibly be able to go through all of it.
Once the restaurant’s employees made their way out and slid the door shut again, the blonde finally voiced his concern.
‘’ Um… this is a lot of food… ‘’
The brunette grinned. ‘’ Yes, it is, ‘’ he agreed before picking up chopsticks and grabbing a maki with them. Jonghyun watched as his boss’ cheeks puffed out as he chewed, thinking in that moment that there probably was no cuter sight than this one.
He followed suit by picking up his own chopsticks, but he first went for a strip of wagyu beef. He couldn’t help the moan that left him as a different set of flavors invaded his mouth. He felt his stomach grumble for more and immediately went for a few other strips before going through a few of the other dishes, momentarily forgetting about everything else.
His stomach finally let some space for his mind to think again when he felt an intent look on him. He paused and looked at his boss with worry, but the latter just smiled at him.
‘’ Seems like we both have quite an appetite, ‘’ the brunette playfully noted.
Jonghyun felt the heat of a fierce blush creep up his neck and cheeks.  
‘’ I’m sorry. It’s just really good, ‘’ he said quietly.
Jinki’s face brightened up even more. ‘’ I’m glad you think so. It’s my favorite restaurant. ‘’
The blonde’s heart flipped. Favorite restaurant?
‘’ Sir… ‘’ Fuck. ‘’ I mean, Jinki, ‘’ Jonghyun started again. ‘’ I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but… why am I here? ‘’
There was a sigh first, before Jinki’s expression became grave. ‘’ Because what I feared became a reality… I made a mistake. ‘’
Jonghyun’s brow cocked as a mix of surprise and confusion seized him. ‘’ What mistake? ‘’
‘’ The merger, ‘’ Jinki instantly replied, voice tense.
‘’ How is it already a mistake? ‘’ the blonde asked, still confused.
‘’ Because the company is losing you because of it. ‘’
The intensity with which the answer came sent chills down Jonghyun’s spine. Searching the other’s eyes, he realized that the decision had not been run by him beforehand.
‘’ Who made that decision? ‘’ he inquired as an answer immediately formed in his mind.
Jinki sighed again. ‘’ I… I gave each team manager the liberty to make their cuts, since they know their team members best … ‘’ His gaze wavered briefly. ‘’ I never thought for a moment that you’d be cut in the process. ‘’
Jonghyun’s lips thinned into a tight line as his jaw clenched. The thought of kicking his manager’s non-existent butt was very strong, but he managed to rein in his anger as he took hold of his glass and gulped down the rest of its content.
Looking again at his boss, he said, ‘’ Manager Lee never liked me, so his decision makes perfect sense. ‘’
‘’ I should’ve anticipated that, ‘’ Jinki remarked. ‘’ A man with your talent is inevitably going to make other people envious. ‘’
Jonghyun’s anger immediately melted from the heat the other man’s praise created in his body.
‘’ I’m not that talented… ‘’ he abashedly noted.  
‘’ Yes, you are, ‘’ the older man immediately countered. ‘’ And if it wasn’t for the sake of impartiality, I would’ve bypassed his decision and kept you anyways. ‘’
Jonghyun looked back at him in disbelief, convinced that if this kept on this way, he would meet his end.
‘’ I’m trying to fix my mistake, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki went on before pausing to take in some of his drink.
‘’ I’ve been making some calls to people I know for the past few days and I found you a similar position in another company, ‘’ he then revealed as he looked at the younger one earnestly.
Every muscle in the blonde’s body tensed up as a strong sense of unease grew inside him.
‘’ Sir, ‘’ Jonghyun voiced, before cursing himself once more for the slip. ‘’ Jinki… I can’t accept that from you. ‘’  
The older man’s face lit up with surprise. ‘’ Why? ‘’
‘’ Because I think you’re not making a wise choice putting so much faith in me like that… you don’t know me… ‘’
They locked eyes, darker ones still glowing with surprise as paler ones dimmed with worry.
‘’ I have everything I need to make a wise decision, ‘’ Jinki stated with conviction. ‘’ Your work speaks for itself. ‘’
Jonghyun looked away, crushed, realizing that the only interest the other man had in him was for his work. He should’ve been happy to be noticed for that, but it became even more clear to him in that moment that it would never be enough.
He looked up again. ‘’ You did say you wanted this conversation to be more open, right? ‘’
Jinki nodded. ‘’ Yes, I want you to be able to say what’s on your mind. ‘’
Jonghyun acknowledged his words with a nod of his own, teeth digging into his lip again as a spike of fear stabbed his chest. He knew he was about to make a fool of himself, but he also knew there would never be another opportunity like this for him.
He had to seize it.
‘’ Jinki… ‘’ he started quietly. ‘’ There is something I want more than a job right now. ‘’
‘’ Oh… what is it? ‘’ the other asked with genuine interest.
‘’ I… ‘’ Jonghyun took a deep breath. ‘’ I want to get to know you on a more personal level. ‘’
Jinki smiled. ‘’ I’ve been wanting that too, that’s why I wanted us to have a more comfortable conversation. ‘’
‘’ But… you probably mean that in a friendship type of way while I don’t… ‘’
His confession had him looking away, eyes darting downwards to his crossed legs to prevent himself from seeing the utter disgust on his boss’ face.
There was a pause, a long pause, leaving the blonde to wonder if he should just apologize and leave, but before he could actualize those actions, the silence was broken by the other’s voice.
‘’ You mean… you want us to be more than friends? ‘’
The older man’s soft and quiet tone had Jonghyun’s eyes flicking upwards. They searched his face, but it gave him no further clue. His expression was unreadable.
‘’ Yes, ‘’ he admitted with as much strength as he could pull out from himself in that moment.
The brunette’s chest heaved with a deep inhale before he released that breath through a quiet sigh. He wasn’t looking at Jonghyun anymore, instead, he directed his attention to his glass before picking it up and downing it like the other had previously.
When Jonghyun saw him fill their two glasses again, he realized the door wasn’t being shut in his face. He still had space to speak.
‘’ I’ve wanted to ask you out on a date for a very long time now… ‘’ he said with a little more confidence.
That seemed to bring the other man out of his bubble. ‘’ Jonghyun… ‘’ His voice sounded unsure, vulnerable, making Jonghyun’s brow furrow with concern.
‘’ If the circumstances were any different, I’d say yes to you. I’ve had these thoughts too, but… I’m in a difficult position… ‘’
Jonghyun felt a little soothed by Jinki’s saddened expression and sincere tone, but it did nothing to lessen the sorrow that spread through him.  
‘’ You mean… because you’re a CEO? ‘’ he croaked as the feeling menaced to spill out of him.
Jinki just nodded, eyes glinting with a pain of his own.
‘’ It doesn’t have to be known… ‘’ Jonghyun spontaneously offered as his mind grasped at any little thread of hope it could possibly find.
Jinki looked at him, stunned. ‘’ I can’t ask you to be a secret, Jonghyun… ‘’
‘’ You’re not asking, I’m offering, ‘’ Jonghyun asserted. ‘’ I can’t believe I’m even saying this myself, but if there is no other way, I’m fine with it. I just want to be close to you. ‘’
Jinki pondered the thought, eyes zeroing in on his glass again. When his eyes fell back on the blonde’s face, he felt his chest tighten.
‘’ I don’t want to say no to you… ‘’
‘’ Well don’t then, ‘’ Jonghyun instantly threw back.
‘’ But what if… ‘’ Jinki stopped himself.
Before he could continue, Jonghyun jumped in. ‘’ Let’s not think too far ahead. Let’s just start with a date, alright? ‘’
Jinki’s shoulders relaxed slightly as he slowly wrapped his mind around the idea. ‘’ Alright. ‘’
The blonde’s lips twitched upwards at the unexpected turn of events before his hand curled around his glass again. ‘’ Should we toast to that? ‘’
Jinki’s brows furrowed in confusion. ‘’ To what? ‘’
‘’ To you bringing me to another fancy restaurant for our first date, ‘’ Jonghyun half joked, half decided.
That had the other’s face lighting up brightly again as he laughed a frank laugh. ‘’ Why should I be the one treating you? You asked me on a date, so it should be the other way around. ‘’
The blonde’s lips curled into a cute pout. ‘’ I’m going to be jobless soon, remember? ‘’
Jinki ignored the leap his heart took inside his chest at the endearing sight and said, ‘’ Not if you take that job I was telling you about. ‘’
Jonghyun scrunched up his nose at the idea. ‘’ I’ll think about it… ‘’
‘’ What could possibly stop you from saying yes? ‘’ the older man wondered, confounded.
‘’ A few things, but… there are many ways you could persuade me right now… ‘’ Jonghyun hinted in a tone that held no subtlety, before choking back a chuckle at the other’s flustered expression.
Clearing his throat, the brunette said, ‘’ This is a business meeting, Jonghyun. Not a date. ‘’
That was all it took to have Jonghyun’s eyes glinting with hope. ‘’ So you mean that next time… ‘’
‘’ I don’t mean anything, Jonghyun, ‘’ Jinki immediately dismissed.
‘’ You certainly are comfortable to say what’s on your mind now, ‘’ he then observed with a slight note of annoyance.
‘’ Well that’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? ‘’ Jonghyun reminded, not without some defiance.
Jinki’s jaw tensed, but not from anger. ‘’ I’m still your CEO, behave. ‘’
‘’ Hmm, right, ‘’ Jonghyun hummed. ‘’ I only have to wait a few more days... ‘’
That had Jinki shaking his head as he bit back a smile. ‘’ You are something else. ‘’
‘’ Well now that I know that my desire wasn’t completely foolish, I’m not going to hold back. ‘’
Jinki looked up to find the blonde’s eyes and shivered from the intensity in them. It was a few seconds before the energy in the room shifted into a more relaxed atmosphere as the latter’s eyes brightened with a soft smile.  
Grabbing his glass again, Jonghyun asked, ‘’ Can we make it official with a toast now? ‘’
‘’ Yes, sure, ‘’ Jinki agreed as he found himself spellbound by the other.
‘’ To our first date, ‘’ Jonghyun said, grinning.
‘’ To our first date, ‘’ Jinki echoed as he returned the smile.
They broke contact briefly to drink before locking eyes again, matching smiles dancing on their lips.
It was a little more than an hour later when Jinki voiced that he should be taking his leave. By then, they had cleared most plates on the table and had gone through almost all the bottle of rum.
The brunette got up swiftly, making Jonghyun do the same, although a little more clumsily. 
'' Well, I guess it's goodnight then, '' the younger one said first despite his desperate want to spend more time with the other. 
'' You know we can leave this place together, right? '' Jinki reminded, a slight note of amusement lacing his tone.
The remark had the blonde biting his lip in embarrassment. 
'' Right... ''
Jinki smiled fondly at the cuteness he was faced with before taking a few steps to close the distance between them. 
Looking into the other's bright eyes from such a close distance made his heart stop for a moment before its rate quickened to an unsustainable pace.
Before he could tell himself not to, he pulled the smaller man in for a kiss, his strong hands grabbing at his small waist.
Jonghyun's eyes widened in shock before his lids slowly fell over his eyes. He kissed back softly, one hand settling at the back of the taller one's neck, right before a quiet moan left him as he savored the feeling of Jinki's soft and sweet lips on his.
Jonghyun wanted more, but before he could claim it, the other pulled back a bit.
Jinki tried to speak, but found himself lost in the intensity beaming from the other's gaze. Not able to resist, he pressed his lips once more against his, relishing the soft sound it brought out of the other.
But before he could lose himself even more, he pulled back again, this time taking a step back to put more distance between them.
'' I'm sorry, '' Jinki said, eyes darting to the floor.
'' There is no need to be, '' Jonghyun instantly replied as he took in the brunette's troubled expression.
That didn't seem to reassure the other one as a long sigh left him.
Jonghyun's throat tightened with worry, but before that feeling could incapacitate him, he stepped closer to the taller one and said, '' I don't want you to feel guilty about this. ''
Jinki looked up, eyes dark with his own load of worry. '' I know... It's just... I really like you and I didn't expect the night to take that turn and... '' He paused to catch his breath. '' And I guess I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. ''
Jonghyun felt himself melt at that. '' You're so cute, '' he couldn't help but say before smiling at the subtle blush his words created on the other's face.
'' I get it, Jinki, " he finally addressed. '' But like I said, let's just take it one step at a time. ''
Jinki nodded, shoulders relaxing. '' Yes, you're right. ''
That was enough to get them going and a few minutes later, they finally stepped out of the restaurant.
'' So it's really goodnight, then? '' Jonghyun said again, lightly rocking his body back and forth, as they stopped in front of Jinki's car.
'' Yes, but we'll see each other very soon, '' Jinki promised with a smile.
Jonghyun returned the smile before stepping back. He reluctantly waved him goodbye when he finally settled in his car seat and started the engine.
Once he walked away and entered his own car, he couldn't help but fear that this night had all been a dream.
It was only the next day that he got confirmation of how real it had been when the HR lady called him in and told him that there had been a mistake and that he wasn't going to be cut after all. 
Jonghyun left her office feeling beyond relieved, astounded and even more enamored with the man that would remain his CEO after all.  
 _____________________________________________________________________________________________
AFF  AO3
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minhoandthebabes · 6 years ago
Text
Fairy AU Pt.5
Heeyyy we’re back again~~~ I hope you guys have been enjoying this as much as I have! it’s just been a fun thing for me. 
Here’s part 4 and the previous parts
The apartment was surprisingly quiet despite the previous excitement. Jinki was back to making another sloppy piece of clothing while Kibum tried containing the cotton balls he was forming into a bed. The fairy, tired of being with the humans, doodled away in his notebook, sitting amongst the leaves. Meanwhile, Minho fiddled with his phone absently.
It was the sound of a sudden knock that disrupted the peaceful atmosphere.
“I’ll get it!” Jinki said cheerily, getting up from where he sat on the floor. He walked through the quiet apartment, side-eyeing Kibum for keeping his distance from Minho.
When Jinki opened the door, Jonghyun was standing there with a bright smile and a box of chicken.
“I hope you don’t mind, I brought my favorite brand,” he explained, handing him the box.
Jinki shook his head, “of course I don’t mind, it will be delicious either way.” He took the box from Jonghyun and invited him in, giving him a brief hug before giving him room to take off his shoes.
“I’m sorry about just bringing sodas, but Kibum and I drank last night and I’m sure neither of us wishes to see alcohol again.”
Kibum nodded, “you could say that again. Honestly, water is probably enough for me anyway.” He approached the other two with the intention of helping. “Min might complain though.” He teased the man who was sitting quietly by himself.
Jinki could immediately tell what Kibum was doing and rolled his eyes, taking Jonghyun’s hand as he stepped up into the apartment with his shoes off.
Minho was there almost in an instant, “what would I complain about?” He asked, standing beside Kibum as Kibum pulled the boxes of chicken from the bag.
“Oh, nothing..” Kibum smirked, proud that he had gotten a rise out of the other.
He watched as Minho got to work, making a plate of food.
It didn’t take long for Jonghyun to notice something strange about Jinki’s apartment. “What’s this about?” he asked, pointing to the half made tiny bed Kibum had paused working on and the pair of tiny clothes that lay beside it. Jinki had left Taemin’s original clothes to dry out on the counter and there they remained. “Is this some weird school project?”
“Care to explain, Jinki?” Kibum asked, clearing his throat.
Jinki hesitated, “Well, I have a fairy friend now.. And we wanted to make him a bed and, well, those are his clothes.”
Jonghyun burst out laughing, “How gullible do you think I am?” He asked, between his loud guffaws. His hand laid on his stomach and he tried to control himself.
“I’m serious Jjong..” Jinki mumbled, grabbing his wrist to pull him over to the flower box where Taemin had been. Jinki watched as the fairy pulled the leaves up around him, hiding himself as best he could. “Taemin, this is our friend Jonghyun. He’s good.. I promise, but he can be an idiot at times.”
Jonghyun furrowed his brow, “what do you mean by that? I’m not that-” His voice was immediately cut off when gasped as his eyes fell on the small creature. “Oh my god, it’s adorable.” The small man pushed everyone out of his way seemingly without care to get a closer look at the little thing.
Jinki watched as the fairy looked up at the man with fear considering how fast he had approached. Knowing Jonghyun would want to see him a little closer and knowing Taemin may need some comfort, he held out his hand in the leaves, letting him climb up into it. He carefully cradled him as he lifted him out of the flower pot and held him between the two of them. “This is Taemin, Jonghyun. I would appreciate it if you didn’t hurt him any more than I already have.”
“Hurt him? I would never! he’s beautiful,” Jonghyun’s puppy dog eyes sparkled as they followed the little fairy. “Can I hold him?” Jonghyun asked after a small pause, holding out his hand beside Jinki’s
Taemin shifted away, one of his small hands gripping Jinki’s palm, “And how am I supposed to trust you?” The fairy asked, looking up at the new wingless friend.
Kibum rolled his eyes, “I still don’t understand why you trust Jinki. He’s the one that hurt you initially.”
Biting his lip, Taemin looked away, “I- I don’t know..”
Jonghyun looked between the two before pulling his hand away to give them some space, “You- you can talk?”
Jinki ignored Jonghyun and brought Taemin up so he was at eye level. “You shouldn’t be scared of him, you shouldn’t be scared of any of them,” Jinki said softly to the creature.
“I’m not scared of them,” Taemin whispered, his voice slipping to Jinki’s ear and Jinki’s ear alone. “I just feel most comfortable with you.”
Jinki frowned, “Kibum’s right though, why do you trust me when I hurt you first?”
Taemin shrugged, “I don’t know, I can’t explain it.”
Sighing, Jinki relaxed, bringing his hand down to a more comfortable position. “We should eat,” he offered, changing the subject. When Jinki looked to his kitchen he saw Minho stuffing his face quietly in the background.
“Hey!” Kibum gasped, his eyes wide, “Why are you eating without us? Don’t eat so much!”
Jinki shook his head, “Bring everything over here.” He motioned to the small table by his couch. He placed Taemin on the table and grabbed the food things he had used earlier with Taemin, rinsing them off first. It took a few minutes to set up his plates and a little table, by the time he was finished everyone had sat ready to sleep.
After munching away for a while quietly, the new person spoke up, making Taemin jump a little. “So he can eat human food?”
Jinki nodded, “Yeah, I just have to cut everything up for him.” Taemin smiled when Jinki gave him a bit more on his plate. “But he wants nectar and honestly I’m at a loss of where to get that.”
Taemin picked at his new food with his hands, picking off the little brown clumps around the edges of the meat and tossing them into his mouth. He enjoyed the crunch that filled his ears as he chewed. There wasn’t anything like this back where he lived. It was just perfect. He reached out to a further piece to continue his habit but halfway to the piece of food a sharp pain shot through his back from the base of his wing. Without warning he cried out, gripping the side of the plate. He was painfully aware of the silence that surrounded him but closed his eyes as he tried to work through the lingering pain.
After a moment he felt a hand wrapping around him, pulling him off of the table and away from everyone else. He hoped it was Jinki, but when he opened his eyes to the bright light above him he could tell someone else was looking over him. The hand laid him on the familiar cold table where he had been operated on before. He put an arm over his eyes, trying to avoid the bright lights. His back continued to throb in pain, the dull pounding beating in time with his heart.
He was moved to be on his chest so they could get a better look at his wing. With most of his thought focused on the situation and the pain he was experiencing, he couldn’t expend any additional energy on translating what those around him were saying. The familiar feeling of fear and loneliness set in and he just wanted to curl up under something and hide as they inspected his wing. He could feel the gentle fingers grazing the thin film of his translucent wing and the feeling was enough to calm him, his breathing steadying again as he closed his eyes.
It didn’t take long before he was propped up and given a bucket of liquid and a small blue thing. Taemin looked up between the four people looking on at him as they tried to direct him, but he didn’t know what they were saying, he just knew they wanted him to drink and somehow consume the small blue thing. After a moment of confusion, he did as he was told and placed the cup down before curling up on the cold surface.
Kibum collapsed into Jinki’s armchair as he tried to control his breathing. Seeing Taemin collapse like that terrified him. And knowing he was the only one who could help, he had jumped into action as quickly as he could. He let Jinki carry him to the unfinished bed and drape the heavy fuzzy blanket over him while he tried to calm down.
Minho had followed him and sat beside him, taking his hand. “It’s alright, you don’t have to be worried.”
Looking away, Kibum shook his head slightly, trying to hold back his tears. “I.. I thought I had done something wrong.. This is my first patient, my first real patient. If something happens to Taemin I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“Just breathe..” Minho whispered. He let the silence hang between them and it was surprisingly comforting to just be silent with each other. It gave Kibum enough time to settle down before the others returned.
After a while, Jonghyun and Jinki plopped down on the couch beside the other two.
“He’s sleeping,” Jinki said before Kibum could even ask. “He shouldn’t have been pushing himself so far for his first day.”
Kibum nodded and looked up at Jinki. His hand naturally squeezed Minho’s as he readjusted to face the others more naturally.
“It was so weird though.. Did you notice?” Jinki asked, his voice a soft whisper, “He couldn’t understand us for a little bit there.”
Minho nodded, “That was weird.”
“We should explain,” Kibum started, “He speaks a different language but did something to make us understand him and he understands us. I really don’t know how it works, but something must have been interfering with that system.”
Jonghyun nodded, resting his head on Jinki’s shoulder, “Maybe he didn’t want to understand us? Or he was messing up somehow?”
Sighing, Jinki relaxed back against Jonghyun as well, “It’s weird, this is all so weird. I just hope he recovers soon.”
“We all do..” Kibum mumbled under his breath. His eyes fell on his and Minho’s hands and he jerked away, putting his hand between his thighs as if it would remove the lingering feeling of Minho’s hand on his own. He closed his eyes briefly before looking over at Jinki who was spacing out, staring at nothing as he rested on Jonghyun.
“Come on, let’s do something,” Kibum said, sitting up, “it’s Saturday night, we’re supposed to be enjoying ourselves.” While he still felt a bit shaken, he felt the need to lighten the mood.
The four of them talked and were soon comfortably laughing together about the past week. Minho was telling an elaborate story about a guest at the gym he worked part-time at when Jinki stood.
“I’ll be right back,” he said softly, disappearing into the other room.
Kibum frowned once Jinki was out of the room, “What’s that about? Were his fairy senses tingling?”
Taemin awoke sweating under the heavy blanket and was quick to toss it off. He looked around himself only to find he was in a new room. To his left sat a small bed and to his right a messy room. There were clothes on the ground and clutter everywhere, he even saw leftover containers of food sitting beside a desk. Shuddering, Taemin looked at the door. If he concentrated he could hear talking and laughing beyond it. He smiled when he heard Jinki’s laugh and wanted to reach out to him.
He wondered if he could contact Jinki through the structure, he also wondered if Jinki would be able to understand him. His translation spell had broken and he wasn’t sure if it would return or if he had to cast it again.
Facing the door, Taemin closed his eyes and imagined Jinki as best he could. His warm smile, his gentle touch, the soft voice. After a moment he whispered Jinki’s name, hoping the other would hear him. He wanted to reach out again, but it took too much energy for him, he had to lay back down and rest. He took a hand and reached around his side to feel where his wings connected to his back. The muscles beneath his skin were still tender and he tried to gently massage the spot without touching his delicate wing.
After a moment he heard the door behind him creak open. The sound made him jump up to see Jinki as he entered.
“Taemin?” Taemin watched as Jinki kneeled down before him. He started speaking more, but it all came out as gibberish and Taemin groaned.
“I can’t understand you, and I’m sure you can’t understand me.. I need my book.” He explained, motioning to Jinki, hoping the other would understand.
Jinki frowned and asked him another question in his deep voice only making Taemin huff in annoyance. He tried to mime reading a book and pointed to his hands that served as the pages, saying “book” over and over, hoping Jinki would understand. After a moment of watching him, Jinki nodded and stood, leaving to get something.
Taemin laid back down and closed his eyes, sighing. Jinki was cute, but he was an idiot at times.
Jinki returned with Taemin’s personal things and luckily the book was part of that pile of things. Taemin flipped through the pages until he came across Jinki’s letter and the spell he had used before. Taemin read over the spell again and followed the directions just as he had done before.
“There,” he said softly, looking up at Jinki, “Better?”
Jinki nodded, “Yeah, I can understand you now.”
Taemin closed the book and laid back down. “Thank god, I’m exhausted.”
With a delicate finger, Jinki reached out to pet Taemin’s bangs, brushing them from his face. “I’m sorry you had to deal with that., Jinki whispered.
“I don’t think it’s going to go away as easily as I thought..” he admitted, keeping his eyes shut as Jinki pet him. “Jinki.. Do you have any healers? Someone who can mend this?”
Jinki sighed, “Kibum is the closest thing we have.”
“Kibum? Really? But what he did hurt me, it didn’t heal me.” Taemin frowned.
“What he did was put your wing back together so it can heal. Even though it hurt at the time, he’s the only one who’s been able to care for you. He’s the reason you aren’t in nearly as much pain now as you were before.”
Taemin pouted, “I guess.. I should apologize to him then.”
“If you wish, but.. You two bickering is pretty funny to watch,” Jinki’s grin brightened up his face and suddenly Taemin felt his cheeks warming.
“R- Right, well I can hold off for a little bit..” he gave Jinki a bit of a bashful smile and looked down at his bed, “So, is this where I’ll sleep now?” He asked, his hands rubbing over the mattress.
Jinki smiled, poking the bed too. “Yeah, how do you like it?”
“It’s nice, not too hard but not too soft either.. Can I come back with you?” He asked, “I want to get to know your other friends more, but.. I don’t want to exhaust myself.”
Jinki hummed, “Wait, I have an idea.” Jinki stood and put his back to Taemin, removing his shirt to expose his strong back. He searched for a shirt and slipped it on before turning back to Taemin, “Here, this shirt has a pocket, see?” Jinki opened the pocket on his shirt and showed the inside to Taemin, “You could stay in here and just relax, that way I won’t have to carry you either.”
Taemin hesitated, “Are you sure? I’m worried I’ll be cold in there.”
Grinning, Jinki shook his head, “That’s the last thing you should be worried about. I’m pretty warm, so I’m sure I’ll keep this pocket nice and warm for you.”
Taemin blushed as he looked into the pocket. “I guess it’s worth a try.” He couldn’t help but feel a bit humiliated he had to get into the pocket but did it anyway, folding himself in as he got inside. He felt a little unstable at first, but after Jinki started walking he was able to balance himself enough to poke his head out and watch as they walked.
“Jinki, what the hell are you doing?” Kibum asked when he saw the fairy’s eyes looking at them from the pocket. “Are you sure that’s safe for him? Were you careful about his wing?”
Jinki had entered the room moments before and just sat, not interrupting Jonghyun as he talked about his recent song idea in depth. When the discussion came to a halt Kibum noticed the fairy peeking out and couldn’t help but say something about it.
“Taemin got in here by himself, I didn’t touch him.” Jinki explained with a frown.
Taemin frowned at Kibum, “Since when are you so caring?”
Kibum’s jaw dropped, “Are you kidding me? I did everything I could to help you earlier!”
Blushing, Taemin backed off, “I- I was joking..” he said softly, “I actually really appreciate you helping me earlier.”
“That’s what I thought,” Kibum crossed his arms. While he wouldn’t admit it in front of the others, he was relieved to see Taemin was back to normal despite the pain he had felt earlier. Things seemed to be back to normal, whatever this new sense of normal was for them.
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ultrakdramamama · 7 years ago
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Sorry if this has been asked already, but do you know a good resource for English speakers to understand jonghyun's blue night episodes? Hope you're doing well and Merry Christmas Eve.
Well, I can say with fair certainty that no one has translated all his shows, he did do 1155 of them! That would be a lot of translating! You may find full transcripts of his first, last and perhaps his special 1000th shows, but for all the rest, it will most likely only be random excepts that have been translated. Your best best for finding these are on Jjong or Blue Night blogs such as @fyjjong and @jjongbluenight here on tumblr. If you are looking for a particular episode, try searching by the date. A lot of the Blue Night Live videos episodes are subbed and on YouTube. Other than that, you can just sit back and just enjoy Jjong’s amazingly soothing voice and not worry about what they are saying...or, hey, try learning some Korean! Never a better time to start! Hope you have a wonderful Christmas too!
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Take care and keep loving SHINee!
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skeletonflowers · 7 years ago
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Thoughts about Jonghyun
I became a SHINee fan in 2013. And I’ll admit that it started in a really shallow way. I remember all my friends on twitter talking about various kpop groups and I wanted to be a part of the clique and the conversations so I would look up groups that they mentioned. I can’t recall them ever mentioning SHINee but I stumbled on SHINee’s Ring Ding Dong music video and watched it. It was the first group that I found myself liking how all the members looked and their voices. I became a Minho stan right away and in the beginning I was a bit of a solo stan. I only really cared about him. Then my friends started telling me to watch ‘One Fine Day’ and ‘Hello Baby’ and I started to get a liking for SHINee as a whole and appreciating all of the members as the individuals they were. Minho was definitely my number #1 but I always used to say Jinki – Jonghyun – Kibum – Taemin, are my number #2 because I couldn’t rank them.
I always thought Jonghyun was a funny guy, he provided a lot of comedic relief in Hello Baby. His ‘is this the reality you always wanted’ comments always made me crack up. To me at that point he was still the funny guy, in my head he was the image SM had pushed onto him from debut and so my liking for him didn’t go much further. Then he started Blue Night in 2014. And he gave us an insight into his daily life, his struggles and how kind and compassionate of a person he is. SHINee did not have a comeback in 2014, so I spent most of that year watching old shows, listening to their entire discography and really learning the personalities of the members. I would scroll through Jonghyun’s twitter for hours, laughing at his antics – like when he was learning to ride a bike and it got stolen, or him posting memes of Minho and the other members. He also was vocal about lots of injustices and seemed to be such an intelligent and head strong person. At that point Jonghyun was really cemented as my number #2 in SHINee.
In 2015, he debuted as a solo artist. I can’t explain how happy I was. I had always just had a loving for Jonghyun’s voice and knowing that he wrote the lyrics to all of his songs made me even happier. I remember coming home from school the day the Crazy music video came out and I watched it like 10 times. I was so amazingly proud of him. I watched every variety show he appeared on that era. The 4 things show was my favourite, it felt like he was giving us such a close insight into his life, even more than he usually did on Blue Night. Even though my favourite SHINee album at that point was the Misconceptions of Me, I never felt the urge to purchase it. But Base was an album that I just had to purchase. I remember all the kpop websites I found that sold albums only accepted payment through paypal and I didn’t have an account or really knew how to make one, so I was asking around to everyone I knew if they had a paypal account that I could borrow. I ended up using my Spanish teacher’s account lmao. The first half of 2015 really belonged to Jonghyun and at that point for me it became Minho – Jonghyun, my #1s, Key-Onew-Taemin my #2s.
She Is was my favourite era of his. It was such a bubbly, bright and colourful era. He looked so pretty with his pink hair and so full of life. I remembered just smiling like an idiot when I think Key(?) talked about how Jonghyun was so obsessed with dying his hair pink and about how he was looking at all the different shades and wouldn’t stop talking about it. He was so cute. I was so annoying during that era, I wouldn’t stop talking about him and how proud I was of him. When that album dropped, I felt such immense joy and happiness for him that I felt like crying, constantly. I was always bitter about that album not getting the recognition it truly deserved.
One of my major regrets is not listening to Blue Night a lot, because of the time difference I was always just getting up at the time it was airing or in school. Whenever I did hear his voice, he always sounded so soft and soothing, even though I couldn’t understand what he was saying. I read the translations every morning and I always felt a bit closer to him. It hurt a lot when he left Blue Night, it felt like we wouldn’t be able to know him so personally anymore. That even though he was still here, a part of him was still missing. Him leaving Blue Night worried me a lot. I remember asking my friends if they thought something deeper was going on with him because I didn’t understand why he would stop doing something he loved so much, especially since he’s done Blue Night successfully when he had a much more hectic schedule.
A lot of Shawols rejoiced when Jonghyun returned to black hair but it also unsettled me. His black hair was gorgeous and beautiful but I remember back in about 2014 or so when people would make posts like ‘when is Jjong going back to dark hair he’s been blond for so long’ it always annoyed me because I thought about him saying that he prefers lighter hair and he associates his dark hair with bad memories. When he dyed his hair back to black, I was worried but I wanted to be optimistic and hoped that he was trying to overcome the bad memories from his past. He seemed to be doing a lot of stuff that seemed like coping – getting tattoos, gaining weight. I thought he was doing so much better. Jonghyun was always the emotional one, always crying, always getting choked up. I liked to make the joke that ‘if Jonghyun didn’t cry at a SHINee concert, then did the concert really happen?’ I always thought he was crying because of the immense happiness he was feeling in those moments, but maybe there was pain those cries as well.
It hurts me that people would use lyrics to his songs to make posts about us not noticing until it was too late or why didn’t we pay attention. He was always so so open about his struggles with depression and loneliness. But I’m conflicted because he was also so encouraging, he let us all know that whatever we were going through it would get better one day. I can’t say that I’ve ever felt the same amount of despair and loneliness that he felt, but I have felt down a lot, especially a few months ago and songs like Gloomy Clock and Just Chill, really comforted me. It’s really comforting to know that, despite this person being famous and having so many fans, you can still relate to their struggles and they can relate to yours. I wish people wouldn’t say that we failed him, I wish people wouldn’t blame themselves. Jonghyun was open about everything and was seeking help, it’s just that the help he was receiving wasn’t enough for him.
I always used to say Minho and Jonghyun both have half of my heart. Now it feels like one half is gone and the other half just aches. Everyone who’s spoken to me probably knows how big of a fan I was of Jongho and how much I adored their interactions. If anything could make me happy it is the moments between Jonghyun and Minho because I felt they had a bond that many others either didn’t see or just didn’t appreciate. So knowing that Minho is hurting so much because he loves and adores Jonghyun to pieces, hurts me beyond belief. When the news came out that Jonghyun had passed, I wasn’t able to put my phone down until I read the words ‘Minho fainted at the hospital,’ and then my heart sank to my stomach and I felt like throwing up. After that I wasn’t able to check updates again for hours.
Part of me wants to angry. Why would he do this? Why couldn’t it have been an accident that took him away from us instead? Even though that’s horrible to think about – but it would sting so much less than knowing that he took his own life, that he was hurting and so unhappy that he wanted to leave this world. How much pain was that petite body of his really carrying?
I can’t explain how I feel about everything. I don’t feel sadness per say but yet I sobbed for the first time in a long time when I found out. When people talk to me about it and say ‘I know how much he means to you’ I get choked up all over again. I see his face and listen to his music and think ‘he can’t be gone, it’s all just a bad dream’ but then I accept that he’s gone and it’s okay but then I think about how he left us and it’s not okay. I live in The Bahamas, I sort of accepted the fact that I wouldn’t get to see him in person or attend a SHINee concert one day – but being alive at the same time as him, meant that despite how small, there was still a chance of that happening. Now there isn’t.
I’m sad that he was taken from us so early. I’m sad that there wasn’t much any of us could really do for him. I’m sad that I won’t ever get to experience his radiant beauty in person, to get to watch him on stage doing the thing he loves the most. I’m sad that I won’t experience attending a fansign, to have Jonghyun look at me the way he looks at every fan – like they’re the last person in the world. I’m sad that a while from now we won’t be able to hear his voice anymore or see his beautiful smile, or see his chest mole or the way his nose scrunches up when he laughs. I’m sad that he thought he wasn’t good enough, because to me he was the most talented and one of the most beautiful people in the world. I’m sad that eventually we will move on and Jonghyun will become a memory – I don’t want him to become a memory, because I wish he was still here with us. I wish we could turn back time and someone could save him, someone could give him all the help he needed. I’m sad that anything I say or do will never be enough to explain how much he really meant to me. Despite all the things I feel sad about, I find a sense of happiness in knowing that he isn’t hurting anymore and that he held on for a really really long time. Heaven gained a true angel.
You did exceptionally well Jonghyun. Rest in Paradise.
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jeonfox-blog · 6 years ago
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everytime i listen to our page emotions just overwhelm me, knowing the lyrics in full translation now adds a sense of comfort but also sadness. I knew the song was for him already but just the fact that so much was said and the fact that there’s this novel we have to finish. It’s like we have to live this out for jjong, we have to write for him💙
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thelonelyfan · 7 years ago
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I'll be honest guys,
I haven't been eating. I've only been drinking a bit a water, a lot of alcohol, and a lot of coffee to stay awake at work. But yesterday my coworker bought a pizza and offered me a slice. I ate it. My stomach turned a little but I was ok. Then I looked at my phone and saw Jinki's message. I took to tumblr for my translation and wow. I didn't cry. I felt pain. But also somehow better. (forever our dubu leader, could we ask for a better one?) Guys I didn't even realize how much I had been dependent on jjong. As a person with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, I took to him. And I healed with his help. His advice, his music, and his discussions with us. From blue night to the live streams. I felt I wasn't alone. He thought me to comfortable with my weaknesses.. There wasn't a day that went by without me saying "Jonghyun says" or "jonghyun told me". I've been going through some of the most painful times in my life. But because I felt like SHINee and especially jonghyun were by my side, I've been able to get through it all. I make the people around me laugh and I listen and I give amazing advice, but they don't know it's not just coming from me. I need the words I'm saying just as much as the people I'm giving them to do. because I'm in a constant battle myself. And now.. I'm honestly at a loss of how to pick up the pieces of the aquamarine barrier that I had built between myself and my negative thoughts. But I do know that I'll figure it out. Because SHINee gave me a family. One I can never take for granted. I am, and always will be, SHINee world. It's ok for me to cry and feel pain, because jonghyun says that it's just as important to feel these emotions as it is to feel happiness. I will take everything that beautiful puppy tought me and let the memory of his gorgeous smile carry me through this pain and on with the rest of my life. We all can. Together. SHINee is still my happiness... SHINee world, I love you guys. I may not be in the best head space, but I know more jonghyun quotes than I can count. And I can't get him to stop talking in my head. So I'm just going with it. If you'd like to talk, I'm here. And I'm not the only one. We're a family. Stay healthy guys, please. ~ The lonely fan💕
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