#pain still but also saudade

[nofuckingbody]

and I never think of him except on midnights like this

[muniimyg]

SAUDADE // JJK

once found, now lost; it’s a love that lingers and struggles to find closure

+ 

jungkook and oc attempt to be friends after a break-up

navi | m. list | ask me ! |

pairing: (somewhat) badboy jk + oc 

au/genre:

post-break up au 

one shot

angst, smut, vibes...

warnings:

mentions of blood, drinking, smoking, and drunk driving

smut ! creampie ! 

self loathing / bad habits 

miscommunication 

note: dedicated to @joonsjuice because she flew to meet me & all we did was laugh abt my fics 😭 my biggest fan frfr … i promised her i’d write so… surprise !!!

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @prdshobi @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @heem145 @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns

Tonight was no different from the other nights Jungkook would waste away. 

At least, it began like a regular Friday night party. It was the usual routine of getting high as he made his way to the party, some beer pong, and downing some shots of hard liquor, before stepping out to take a cigarette break. Soon, the night would be a blur and a pain in the ass of a headache to deal with the following morning. 

Except, tonight, the people Jungkook usually ignores were extra irritating. So irritating that one guy came up to him mid-puff and asked; “are you still fucking ___? Heard she dumped you and shit, so she’s up for grabs right? She’s here tonight and I heard that she was a virgin before she met you… My guy, did you fuck her out or is her pussy the type to be just as tight as it was when you first fucked her?”

It’s no surprise what happens next. 

A little cussing, a little shoving, and a little punch here and there… Suddenly turned into a full-blown fight with other people intervening and pulling Jungkook’s body off the imbecile. 

That brings him here. 

Jungkook struggles to fit his keys into his apartment locks and stumbles his way to his bathroom. There, runs a shower and steps in. He cleans himself, scrubbing the smell of his vices away. Blankly, he watches as the blood from his hands drips down and goes down the drain. When he finishes, he turns the water off and dries himself. Yet, his knuckles continue to bleed and for a split second, he sees how deep the cut is. His knuckles are absolutely busted. He wipes his foggy mirror and sighs at the sight of his face. 

His lip is also busted. His eyebrow piercing is messed up and his eye will probably bruise up by morning. Honestly, he didn’t lose the fight.. But, it sure came with a cost. 

Perhaps his adrenaline begins to wear off because his injuries begin to hurt like a bitch. He rummages through his cabinets and hisses, “fucking shit.”

He had no bandaids. 

He barely has any ointments to tend to his wounds. 

Jungkook winces at the pain as he runs water over his bloody knuckles. He’s been in fights before and even injured his hand a few months ago, but for some reason, this pain hits differently. It aches, it throbs, it feels like it’ll probably scar.

This stresses him out.

If the physical pain wasn’t bad enough, suddenly a million and one thoughts were flooding in and his heartbeat instantly begins to race. He could feel all his emotions come up and it made him nauseous. His head was spinning and before he knew it; his heart was beginning to ache. 

He was truly hurting. 

He had been thinking of you nonstop these days. It’s not like he ever got over the break-up—how could he? It’s only been three months since you. You two had been together for almost two years at that. How could he suddenly just be okay after three months of no you? If anything, he was only beginning to process the absence of you. 

It’s not like he cared if you were at this party or not. If anything, he was happy to know you were around him. Even if you’d probably ignore him or offer him a generic greeting; he’d take it. It didn’t bother him that you were here… What bothered him was the mere idea of you taking one step closer, one fingertip brushing against his as you two bump into each other in the crowd; one moment. One mere second where you’d look at him a little longer than you should. One mere second where you’d smile at him the same way as you used to and then it’d be over. 

He’d fall down to his knees and do it. 

He’d beg for you.

He’d make promises, fully knowing he’d probably break them within the week. He’d cry and then he’d loathe himself for the rest of his life. 

And loathe himself he does the minute he hears a knock on his door. 

Quickly, he puts on his grey sweats and makes his way to answer. Without much thought, he swings the door open and it reveals a barefoot you. 

“I figured you wouldn’t have any bandaids,” you hold out a plastic bag filled with First Aid materials. “We threw them out, remember? Because you promised me you wouldn’t get into fights and get hurt.”

“Where are your shoes?”

“M-my shoes? Oh. I had heels on. I think I left them at the pharmacy. I ran here.”

Jungkook sighs and shoves his hands into his pockets. He hangs his head low and mumbles, “I’m sorry.”

“I knew you were a bad boyfriend,” you choke, trying your best to keep it together. “But you didn’t need to break your promise.”

He looks up and is instantly wrapping his arms around you as you bury yourself in his chest. In between light sobs, you curl your fists and hit him. “I hate you.”

“I know.”

“I hate you so much,” you utter with as much annoyance as you can. “I really hate you, Jungkook.”

“I know, baby.”

“Don’t call me baby.”

“I—okay. Whatever you want.”

You take a deep breath and lift your head. You sniff as let him wipe your tears with his thumb. Swiftly, you take hold of his wrist and analyze his hands.

“I’m okay,” Jungkook promises. “It’s not that bad. Might need stitches but I’ll just go tomorrow morning. It’s kinda late.”

You roll your eyes at him. It’s just like him to neglect his health and well-being. “Hospitals are 24/7, Jungkook.”

“Yeah, but you’re here.” 

A beat. 

“So what?”

“You brought me bandaids.”

It feels weird being in Jungkook’s bathroom again. 

All you can think about are all the times you two stood side by side, brushing your teeth. How you’d flush the toilet while he was showering or how he’d barge in while you were taking yours. The slow morning back-hugs and the irritating haste of running late to plans.. It’s all in here. It all happened here as silly as it sounds.

Though it’s only been three months, it’s a bit painful to be sitting on the floor with him and patching him up as if the bandaids were going to fix anything. His cuts ran deep and the bandaids only covered the damage. Yet, you two sit there in silence and pretend like this is a solution. Like sticking bandaids on a wound that clearly needs stitches wasn’t an excuse to just be with him again. 

“This isn’t the you I know,” you comment, half-heartedly trying to pick a fight.

“It’s the me I’ve always been. I mean, isn’t this why you broke up with me?”

“No,” you shake your head in disagreement with his vile words.

Jungkook bites the inside of his cheeks. “I’m sorry for bringing so much shit in your life.”

“You didn’t,” you reassure him. “You don’t.”

You don’t say anything further. Could you even? The situation is already as horrible as it can be. Now, it has this awkward yet intimate pull on you. It just burns. If anything, you want to say it. You want to spit it all out and tell him everything. 

Tell him that you broke up with him because you would’ve stayed through it all. You would’ve bailed him out of every charge pressed against him. You would’ve forgiven him every time he forgot a important date. You would’ve gotten into the car even if you knew he had been drinking. You would’ve skipped every morning class to sleep in with him. You would’ve loved him more than your own life and that horrified you. 

Nonetheless, he was always good to you. You just wish he was good to himself. Though you believe him when he told you he loved you; you couldn’t wait for him to change. As much as you love him as he was—the essence of youth, anticipation, and longing he carried soon turned into a mess of anger and fuck ups. 

But how could you ever think that as he sits in front of you, hurting, and still completely in love with you?

Jungkook breaks the silence. “Thank you… For this.”

“Don’t thank me,” you say sternly. Peeling another bandaid and eyeing it to perfectly cover his wound, you encourage him; “just do better.”

“I’m trying,” he says softly. 

Your heart sinks. 

“I know,” you take out an ointment and squeeze a bit on a q tip. Tilting his face, you reach up and apply the medicine to the cuts on his face. “I believe you.”

It’s the truth. 

You do.

Jungkook can’t help himself. 

He wraps his hands on your wrist, causing you to pause. There’s a look in his eyes—the kind that makes your heart feel utter heartbreak and relief at the same time. It’s devastating… To love someone and want them so bad that it hurts. 

“J-Jungkook… Don’t,” you croak, trying your best to keep it together. “Don’t ruin this.”

“Ruin what?”

You push away. “This. I’m trying to be a friend, Jungkook. Don’t make it any more than it is. We broke up—”

“You dumped me,” he corrects you. “When did I ever say I didn’t want to be with you?”

“Jungkook—”

“Please, ___, I’m sorry. Believe me when I say that, okay?” He begs, bringing your hands to cup his face. “I can’t do this anymore. I hate not being with you.”

Your eyes tear up and your walls come crashing down. You hate the way he sounds right now. His voice sounds so desperate and honest. You’ve never heard it sound like this before.. Even when you dumped him, he was silent. This… This is new. 

“I don’t know what to say,” you admit. “Why are you sorry? How did it get this way?” It’s the most painful thing you’ve managed to say to him tonight. Your heart continues to break as his breath hitches. 

“I’m no good for heartache, baby.”

Your mind spins. 

Your stomach feels like it’s just been hit with a gust of wind so strong that you’ve lost all the words and thoughts you gathered before coming over. It’s like every reason you made up on your way here is just being tossed out the window. 

“You’re the only thing that ever made sense to me.”

Then, it hits. 

You remember exactly why you stayed for so long. Regardless of how much the break-up needed to be done, the truth remains; you and Jungkook have always understood each other. In any language and in any universe, that’s the most romantic feeling to ever encounter. To have the privilege of loving someone and understanding them runs deeper than any cut. 

You two stay silent for a moment, trying to process and convince yourselves to take your words back. Anything. Take anything back. 

But your attempt fails. 

Self-betrayal takes place as you lean in and close your eyes. Jungkook dips his head low and kisses you. Little drops of water fall down the side of your face because of Jungkook’s wet hair. Honestly, if someone had told you it was your tears; you’d believe them. At this point, did it really matter? 

For the first time in three months, Jungkook feels at ease.

His sheets still smell the same. They feel the same too. Soft, clean, and just so him. 

At first, Jungkook attempts to take charge. Just like before, he had you lie down to take care of you. Unfortunately for him, because of his condition, he wasn’t able to do much. Instead, he hovered on top and took his time kissing you. His hands wandered around your body, ultimately settling for the spot in between your neck and cheeks. 

Your hands traveled down inside his pants. 

“Calvin Klein boxers are still by far the hottest look on you,” you claim in between kisses. He smiles into the kiss and mumbles; “yeah, yeah.”

You laugh as he attempts to slip his fingers down your panties. He hisses in pain and groans. “I fucking hate this.”

“Oh? I can go—”

“Shut up.”

“Meanie.”

He rolls his eyes at you. “I’m literally trying to get you off and you’re insisting on leaving. Do you resent me that much?”

Shaking your head, you digress. “I don’t resent you.”

He kisses you in response. As he sinks into it, you put your hands on his waist and catch him off guard. You shift your weight and bring yourself on top of him. Making yourself comfortable, you roll your hips on top of his bulge and lift your arms. He sits up halfway and helps you take off your shirt. Without hesitating, he unclasps your bra and wraps his arms around you. He brings you down and kisses you so deeply. Slipping his tongue in and even biting your bottom lip as he breaks away for air. With as much strength as he can, he feels around your breast. 

God, this was the worst fucking time to have busted hands. 

“It’s okay,” you tell him as you take his hands off your breasts. “Let me take care of you.”

Jungkook gulps but nods and agrees with you. In all honesty, he was tired. He wants you so bad and this was helping him feel relieved. However, it was just too painful and inconvenient to part-take the same way as he used to. He’s glad you understand and are comfortable enough to take over. He’s glad he feels safe and that his ego wasn’t being jeopardized. 

He was no less of a man for letting you love him the way you do. If anything, it made him feel another level of security with you. 

You lift yourself a little and take his length out. On top, you continue to grind on his velvet skin. It feels so good even with the fabric of your panties. Jungkook moans, beginning to feel the tingly feeling arise. He hooks his thumb on one side of your panties and pushes the fabric aside. He pushes it just enough for your folds to come in contact with his cock. 

Oh, it felt so fucking good. 

You gasp a little before giggling. “Feels so good.”

Jungkook sharply inhales. “Baby, I’m gonna cum so fucking fast if you don’t start riding me.”

You laugh, but listen to him. You lift yourself up once again and this time, you sink into his throbbing cock. 

The precum from grinding on him makes it a little easier for you, but it still burns a bit. You stay still, trying to process the feeling and Jungkook takes a minute to calm his mind. He would literally bust a nut if you moved. 

“Okay,” you huff. “I’m good to go. Do you still need a minute?”

“Fuck you,” Jungkook breathes. 

“That’s a yes,” you tease. “I need to move or I’ll start to feel icky. You have ten more seconds.”

Jungkook glares at you. “Generous timing. Thank you, baby.”

“Aren’t I just the best?” you laugh, moving closer to him. You squish his cheeks together and place a kiss on his pouty lips. “Times up. Gonna ride you now.”

He takes a deep breath before placing his hands on your hips. You take that as the signal to begin. Also, you can’t help but love this view. 

His bare chest and tattoos are displayed so perfectly for you. His damp hair adds to his needy look. If you were standing, your knees would have buckled. Instead—and God bless—you’re here. On top of him, ready to ride the shit out of him. 

Easily, you begin to ride him. Every time you sink into his cock, you shift your body. You feel him inside you get harder and harder and love the way you can feel him hit your walls from various angles. It just feels so good to be with him again. 

As you ride him, you two fall into the perfect pace. The high kicks in and suddenly the view of your breast bouncing, you throwing your head back, and the way your wet pussy eats him up—he creams inside you. 

Satisfied, Jungkook lets out a breathy moan and watches his cum leak out of your pussy. You continue to ride him, but your hips move slower and you lift yourself up higher. Jungkook lifts his hips at one point and thrusts as you bounce. You gasp, unable to fathom just how fucking euphoric this feels. 

“Ohhh my god!”

You hit climax and cum.

After all that, your body practically trembles and falls on top of Jungkook. He holds you, runs his fingers through your hair, and tells you how much of a good job you did. As you catch your breath, your breathing stabilizes but also welcomes the sleepiest relief. 

As your eyes flutter close and your body fully collapses on Jungkook, he kisses the top of your head and murmurs; “you’re still the one, baby.”

When the sunlight seeps in, Jungkook slowly wakes up. 

Immediately, he feels a sharp pain in his hand. He looks over and sees that you’re holding it. His hand is kept close to your chest and quickly recalls the night. 

Though he feels a bit embarrassed that he had been that desperate for you; he’s glad it got him here. Yet, a feeling of sadness lingers because he was no idiot. 

Though you wake up next to him in the morning, bare and tangled in his embrace, Jungkook knows that deep down; even here—at the very end of you and him—you are you and he remains him.

The sad truth is that Jungkook understood it. He understood you. Which is why, he’ll never tell you why he got into a fight that night and also why he’ll continue to fight for you until the end.

“Even if it’s the end for us.”

[flyingcatstiel]

SuperbatWeek 2024 fic recs

Day 7: FREE DAY!!! Superbat? | Superbat! | Superbat

a song came after by susiecarter [T, 4,500 word count]

It requires every ounce of will he can bring to bear to force himself to meet Clark's eyes. Clark looks shocked; the expression is undiluted by anger or dismay, though perhaps he simply hasn't had time to grasp what just happened. His eyes are wide, round, impossibly blue. Color is rising into his cheeks. His mouth is half-open, slack, with the slightest damp shine where— "That was," Bruce makes himself say, and then stops. Christ, what word can he use? What adjective is there that acknowledges his trespass fully? "Inappropriate." Inadequate, but it's the best he can do, and Clark needs to hear something, needs to know Bruce recognizes his own mistake for what it is. "I apologize. I—"

Comment - This fic starts where usually fics with a similar trope end. Bruce is out of the dream world where he lived happily with his husband Clark. For thirty years. Now he's to deal with the cold reality where Clark is not his beloved. Muscle memory is his biggest enemy.

Conflated by PamiGami [T, 31,900 word count]

“Are you sure you’re feeling quite all right, sir? I was but fairly sure the head hadn't been impacted.” “No… no, please. Listen. I’m in his body, but I’m not him. I can prove it.” Ill at ease, Clark rubbed at the back of his head, not stopping to think about the weird sensation of feeling not his own curls, but somebody else’s hair. The man continued to stare at him with piercing and scolding eyes. “I believe you.” He nodded. “Mister Wayne doesn’t say please this early in the morning.”

Comment - Somehow, Batman and Superman have switched their bodies, their apartments and their day jobs. Clark and Bruce are left to figure out what to do and why they're sharing a body with some random civilian. Identity shenanigans, full throttle.

Just a Formality by FabulaRasa [E, 4,600 word count]

Bruce and Clark get married, for reasons. And then they fall in love. Nope, it's not Victorian time travel! I am straight up about this.

Comment - Clark didn't know that some things on this earth could be as painful as kryptonite. Things like fake marriage.

Saudade by liodain [T, 20,400 word count]

It's midsummer, 2006. In the wake of his son's death, Bruce Wayne tries to outrun his grief on a cross-country road trip. When his car breaks down on a dusty road in the heart of Kansas, a friendly stranger stops to lend a hand.

Comment - A soft, melancholy start to a beautiful long distance friendship between a grieving father and a Kansas youth with a heart of gold. Also known as a fic where Bruce and Clark meet before the events of Man of Steel and it changes everything.

ship-to-ship combat by pomeloquat [M, 76,800 word count]

"Clark. What the hell is this," Lois asks, staring at Clark's Bruceman WIP folder. Clark's first instinct is to fly away, but that would still leave his fic on display for her to see. His second instinct is to blast a hole straight through his laptop screen with his heat vision, which isn't much better. Clark, in an attempt to make some spare cash, unintentionally stumbles into the world of superhero fanfiction, becomes a prolific writer for Gotham's OTP, and tries his best to fend off rival fans who want him to convert to superbat instead.

Comment - Triple identity shenanigans and a love letter to fandom and shippers. This fic has everything - heartbreak, heartache, unrequited feelings in double doses, self sacrifices and near misses, ship wars and RPF. And on top of that, it's the funniest fic I've read across many fandoms, hands down.

tell all the truth (but tell it slant) by susiecarter [M, 33,000 word count]

It takes a while for Batman and Superman to work things out, once Clark comes back from the dead. Pretending to date each other in order to explain why Bruce Wayne and Clark Kent are in the same place so often? Doesn't help as much as you might think.

Comment - When Batman himself is organizing and micromanaging a fake dating narrative to keep their superhero identities secret, what could go wrong? Apparently, everything. It's the worst time of Clark's life, it's the best time. It's a love story.

And last but not least, some spicy superbat fic recs!

Caught In His Gaze by DontStopHerNow [E, 1,500 word count]

This was supposed to be a stakeout to be sure Clark Kent had not lost his mind due to Kryptonite poisoning. Batman gets more of an eyeful than he expected when Clark does what people do alone in their apartments, though. He cannot look away.

What's In A Name? by frozenpotions [E, 15,000 word count]

Clark accidentally walks— or rather, flies in on Bruce enjoying a private moment. He'd probably have an easier time moving past it all if Bruce hadn't been saying Clark's name.

take a pic, strike a pose by shipyrds [E, 5,600 word count]

It’s probably a good thing Clark’s in private, because when he does check his notifications he almost cracks his phone in half. Bruce has sent him a picture. He’s in the suit, in the Batcave, and there’s probably other things happening in the picture, but Clark can’t really see any of those, because Bruce is– posing? Or maybe the camera just caught him like that; maybe he just happened to be catching his cape one-handed, setting off the sinuous curve of his bicep, the Bat logo straining across his chest. -- Bruce sends Clark a pic. Unfortunately, it goes out to some other people too.

My other superbat fic recs are here.

Happy reading!

[guapoduoshipper]

q!Cellbit has already noticed that something is off. But that doesn't mean he's falling out of love with q!Roier, let's try to see things from his perspective because then we'll notice that this is not what is happening:

q!Cellbit returned from purgatory, after which he himself said he had been fighting and killing to survive, every day the same thing, for weeks, months? he doesn't know. He lost track of time, time is a spiral, it seemed like an eternity but in the blink of an eye, he was back. Everything is still confusing and he doesn't remember things well, so after returning from almost hell he finally meets his husband again, smiling, happy? q!Roier knows how to hide his pain very well behind a smile, so after asking how he is and explaining that the choice to stay in purgatory was made because he thought that q!Roier would be better off away from him... he has a confirmation of this ?

This specific scene has a lot to analyze, first when q!Cellbit says he felt saudade [the strong feeling of missing, longing for someone or something] of q!Roier and apologize, he makes a joke and says "You left me alone culero", probably Doied thought that would be the most appropriate and safest reaction to fake being q!Roier, right? Maybe that would be correct if it weren't about such a serious situation that lasted so long, because we know that q!Roier told Richas that he felt like he was just existing, he was preparing a plan and doing everything to find his husband so that would definitely not be the appropriate reaction that q!Roier would have to this situation. Then q!Cellbit says "I thought you'd be better off without me and you..." at this moment his voice breaks, despite believing in what he's saying he doesn't want it to be real. "You're okay, aren't you?" it's as if you can perfectly feel the mix of sadness and fear that q!Cellbit's voice transmitted when saying this. "Yes, I'm fine! I'm feeling good, I'm feeling new!" - "See? Maybe that was the best thing to do" the confirmation that q!Cellbit was terrified of having, his sad tone of voice when he said that maybe being away from him was what brought the joy back to q!Roier it's heartbreaking. But q!Roier [Doied] doesn't seem to want to talk about these things for long, changing the subject, speaking only superficially or just going somewhere else.

Doied once again seems to have understood well how q!Roier works most of the time and with most people, but that's not all he is, that's not the essence of q!Roier. Doied cannot fake the deeper layers that make up q!Roier's existence, he becomes just a puppet with ready-made lines and repeated actions. And maybe that's why in a way he's also avoiding deep talks with q!Cellbit because if there's anyone capable of noticing that something isn't right with his husband, it's q!Cellbit... and that's exactly what's happening. Doied needs to divert topics and tries to move away because if he spends more time around him, the facade will become too obvious and this was shown to be true after two big things that Doied failed to replicate, the aspects of q!Roier's personality, and q!Cellbit noticed.

1- q!Roier would never attack q!Cellbit to hurt him. They already had a pvp fight, in which q!Roier lied about the result to make q!Cellbit feel better, they give each other shoulder pushes, light slaps on each other's arms and are very close physically, always talking close and with physical contact, they are known for always having their foreheads together when talking and this hasn't happened even once yet. During purgatory q!Roier really refused to kill q!Cellbit, constantly nodding his head to say no and stopping attacking but when he killed q!Cellbit, it was something that was soon explained as it was part of the event and it wasn't "real deaths" since things remained with them after they died, but even so, after this event q!Roier stopped smiling and demonstrated how much that affected him. There's even a moment that could almost be a parallel, in one of the days of purgatory, q!Roier had a very strong sword and asked q!Cellbit if he wanted it to be tested on him, this time q!Roier [Doied] simply started attacking q!Cellbit without even saying anything, and after q!Cellbit got very confused and said "Well... if that makes you happy", Doied chooses the safer answer "It's just a joke!"

2- q!Roier is extremely protective of his family. Upon seeing Pepito and Richas fighting a boss and q!Cellbit asking for help, Doied was just making jokes and took a while to actually try to help, something that q!Roier would never do, he would be the first to ask them to stay away and would be fighting to protect them.

So with everything that's happening now, what is q!Cellbit feeling and thinking? It's necessary to keep in mind that the key issue in all of this is something that is impossible for q!Cellbit to discover on its own. He doesn't even know about Doied's existence, q!Roier doesn't remember anything about his past and nothing was ever said about body swap, despite knowing that the federation carries out absurd tests and experiments, nothing like that had ever happened. However, there is something similar that may be considered in the future, the existence of something like q!Quackity and ElQuackity, perhaps at some point q!Cellbit will begin to suspect that perhaps this is not his husband because no matter how much he hates himself and has a very low self esteem, by now he must be confused as to why his husband is acting like this, but the love he feels for q!Roier is something that saved him, so it is strong enough to survive everything. I keep asking myself, what will happen when he discovers that the person in front of him has the same smile, the same eyes, the same body but the soul is not the same, that's not his soulmate.

[thesmpisonfire]

Okay so, I wanna talk about my sonboy Richas, my guy Felps, their relationship, and everything about yesterday as well

So, lets go :D

First thing, Felps actually really don't like taking care of Richas when he's without his armor

Felps has the terrible memory of being the one (together with Cellbit) to watch Richas first death. The three were at a cave and Felps and Cellbit were taken down first and had to watch Richas getting swarmed and die far from their grasp

The death was reverted, but still, when Felps logged in next time, Richas had JUST died to the bull again, so he already had 1 life. It was the very same day, just a couple hours after. Felps always reinforced about the armor, to the point he didn't let Richas take it off even when safe at Foolishs place when he could see Leo didn't wear it

Felps fucking loves that kid, he's just the quieter dad. He won't scream that much, when he panics, he shuts down and focus on the problem. He's the best dad to talk about feelings and often is the one who talks Richas out of his spiraling self deprecating thoughts, while other dads don't have the same touch

Felps has the patience to talk with Richas and hear Richas points. He always is the one talking him into a shower even if it takes a whole trip beforehand so Richas can have fun before it. He sings a lil song to get him through a shower. Ever since he came back from the lab, he trusts Richas a lot with his own strength, he knows Richas can defend himself even better than Felps can defend himself

It means a lot that Felps is the only dad Richas will listen to more easily, even if sometimes it takes a lot of talk and bargain to do so. Richas is a difficult kid, he channels all his sadness and pain into being silly and overly courageous, which means he will be a disobedient kid, he will put himself in danger, he won't listen to his dads if he can make a joke about it and it has been getting worse lately

Richas is Not doing okay, he's constantly scared of losing the ones he love, he feels easily replaceable which makes him panic and act out in 'jealousy'. He has said before he fears his siblings don't really like him and it's why he always wants to have family around, he knows he's a problem and has even apologized to Bad about it once. He thinks he can't express his love through words when he has written so many beautiful things, he paints bc its how he thinks he can better translate his care

Yesterday, after Bad took him and Felps to the graveyard and out of it, Richas went back with Felps and put some flowers around their graves. A small talk started when Felps wondered if the dead eggs were looking down at them, but also couldn't really believe it because they'd be too far up there to actually see anything. Richas then said how people used to tell him Bobby was up in between the stars, but they stopped telling him that 'story'. Then, this talk happened

"Do you think they'd [Dead eggs Richas never met] like me?"

"Ofc they would! Everyone loves you! They'd love you, Richas"

"If I had died today, would I meet them?"

Felps goes quiet for a couple seconds here, then goes back to talking

"Maybe, maybe not. We can never be sure, Richas. What if you died and it's just nothing after, huh? It's a big bet. You can't keep thinking like that and then go throw yourself in front of a zombie horse to find out if they're at the other side"

"Yeah, I wouldn't be able to annoy all the dads, it wouldn't be worth it... I'd miss you all so much" (He used the word saudade)

"Awwn... But you would be dead, Richas. We would be the ones missing you, we would be the ones staying behind"

And to me this is a very telling moment. Because Richas didn't realize people would miss him as well, he just thought about how he'd miss being with the others. He also says how he'd be in hell, missing his family but also laughing at tragedy. When Felps asks why hell, Richas goes "You really think I'd end up in heaven? With the way I am?"

Felps spends the rest of the stream hyping Richas up, telling him how much he's loved and how much everyone cares for him. Felps manages to get through Richas after a while, and they have a nice moment together. Richas already arrived to the square without armor, after having recently argued with Forever about it, and Felps didn't mind bc that area was all lightened up so less mobs were spawning, plus the aforementioned trusts he has on Richas

No one expected the horse because it came from outside the square, right out the border, and literally fell on top of them. Felps was quick to go after it, and Richas was caught out of surprise and got height damage as well, eating through 2 totems (and also having to switch out the other ones from his hand due to the rule)

Felps was smart about the horse, he always hit up high so there wouldn't be any risk of a misclick, he hit crit after crit pushing the horse away so he could better kill it without risking Richas, and he did it! I understand BBHs scare but everything was already solved and Richas was halfway being revived already

If anything, the trip to the cemetery scared Felps more than it did Richas. Richas is well used to the threat of death, he plays with it by jumping into mines and purposefully walking without armor around Forever. But Felps isn't. He wants his kid safe, he wants him alive. Felps was willing to never come back if it meant Richas could have an extra life, he would die over and over for that kid

After everything, he talked with Richas, and the kid didn't rlly need to be convinced to wear his armor now that he knew how the square can be tricky. Felps didn't need to yell, or compare Richas to anyone, or play lil games. Just a talk, and Felps' trust that Richa would now do his part, and he did!

Each mob they encountered next, Richas and Felps stayed side by side. Felps let Richas kill them first bc he knows Richas likes it, but always helping and telling him how he was doing it well. When they were rowing around later in the boat, music playing, Felps went on about how it was all that mattered

Richas was alive, Felps was alive, they got a scare but they were okay now. And it was all worth it for these calm, happy moments. These were the ones that should be remembered, the ones that made it all worth it

[ilyuu-archive]

right where you left me.

synopsis : it takes years to build up feelings and memories that means the world to you and him, and it all takes one evening for it to break down and leave nothing but time standing still and a relationship that could've been. (or you recall the night you broke up with kazuha, thinking it all over again.)

tags : angst/no comfort, modern!au, childhood friends to lovers to strangers, mentions of getting high, light swearing, ambiguous ending.

wc : 2500+! (2635.)

a/n : and yes this is all based off of taylor swift’s right where you left me from perse!! along with that, please do excuse any grammar and formatting mistakes

for the saudade event by the all amazing and angsty creative @soleillunne! the first half is written by the wielder of cat pics, @https-furina, and the second half from yours truly. ready your tissues because in spite of the beautiful and vivid wording from verse, it hurts (in a good way, of course)! nonetheless, i hope you'd enjoy this as much as i did! <3

also, perse, thank you; i had so much fun writing this! the possibilities were endless for me, and reading your part when trying to get a feel for this story made me roll up in a corner and cry (not actually though, so don't worry about me, hehe),,

There's idle chatter and the faint clinking of cutlery and wine glasses, almost drowned out by the harsh winds and rain that batters the restaurant's dimmed windows.

The lights are soft and subdued yet hold a warmth that hugs every living being inside the building - some sheltering from the rainstorm, others rekindling with their lovers or families. That should be you, rekindling with a lover that was never yours in the first place.

To your left, you hear the gossip of two friends; a couple in their friend group recently broke up, "good riddance," one girl chirps, "she deserves better than him." The conversation promptly shifts to that of one regarding marriage and weddings. What would you have looked like on that fateful day with white veil and a glittering ring on your finger, the thought makes you grimace.

"What a sad sight," an elderly woman whispers to her husband from where they're settling at a table not too far away, she's gazing at you with a sorrowful look, "poor girl."

The words shift a small crack of a smile onto your face - is that truly how you looked to the unknowing bystanders around you? Did they think you'd been stood up on a first date?

If only.

The more you stare at the empty, red crushed velvet chair in front of you, the more the realisation starts to hit even harder than before that he isn't going to magically turn up, dressed ever so handsomely in smart casual attire with his silver hair in its usual messy ponytail.

You hadn't seen his face since that night, how pained he seemed as he watched you smash the empty wine glass adorning your table, his eyes trained on the way it shatters into a million pieces on the white cloth. It was almost a perfect metaphor for your heart at that exact moment.

"You know we're here because we need to talk, right?" His voice is familiar, nostalgic almost as he places his blazer over the back of his chair. He hasn't changed since you were children, sneaking after school to the nearest McDonalds until your curfew, "y/n.."

"Do we have to talk?" You respond quickly with a sharp tongue, your hands shaking as you find anything to do with them, this even includes unfolding and folding the napkin in front of you repeatedly. Conversations are whispered all around you, some followed by short laughter.

Kazuha almost winces at the tone of your voice but he knows it's deserved. You had been friends since you could remember, joined at the hip no matter what happened. Your mothers always commented that you were inseparable, never found without the other close behind - so how did it come to this?

It came to this because you had became attached, craving his presence at all times even as you went to university. You wanted him and nobody else could even remotely compete with the man that Kaedehara Kazuha had grown into somehow from that clumsy toddler you'd wrapped around your chubby fingers all those years ago.

For a while, the rebellious teen thought the exact same about you. He would ponder over the hours the two of you spent together in his dorm room, sharing a joint as you forget the stress of the exam season you'd just barely managed to survive.

He would reflect on the nights he'd carry you on his back, taking you back to your dorm after an exceptionally rough night clubbing with your friend group, who always roped you into unbelievable scenarios.

He had expressed his concerns over your friend group more than once but you had shrugged him off, flashing him that playful smile he couldn't get enough of. "It's fine, Kaz," you reassure him as you apply a layer of mascara to your eyelashes, "we only live once, right?" When you'd responded with that, Kazuha initially thought 'yeah, we do.'

Nights under star scattered skies sharing joints would only last so long, after all Kazuha was at university to study business management, the heir to his father's publishing company. With this future responsibility came the family reputation and the eventual arranged marriage to another rich family - that was a criteria that you had never fit in and pre-emptively, you never would.

"You know it's not my decision, y/n," His voice is almost breaking when he takes the seat in front of you, clammy hands clasped together in front of him on the clothed table. You scowl a little, it had never been his choice, had it? "we should seen this coming."

"We?" You repeat, narrowing your eyes at him, "you - you should have seen this coming."

Kazuha lets out an exasperated sigh, closing his eyes for a moment as he listens to the bustle of the restaurant around the pair of you. He starts to consider that a restaurant was not the best location to be having a lover's quarrel.

When he reopens his eyes, they fall to you across the table. Your eyes are glittering like the chandelier that hangs from the ceiling in the centre of the room and he can almost make out the tears starting to pool in the corners of your eyes.

"I never wanted to hurt you, you know that, right?" For some reason, those words hurt your heart more than he most likely intended.

They feel like knives, sharpened daggers that plunge deep into your most fatal organ and tear it apart in ways that Kazuha would never be able to grasp. In that moment, you nearly wish that you could inflict this kind of pain on him so he could feel how your heart ached at that exact time or how the tears stung at your eyes, blurring your vision to the point where you could barely make his figure out.

Even with a singular tear running its uneven path down your cheek, you find the chance to smile, turning your gaze away from him as you let out a soft, pained laugh.

"If that's true, you should have known it would have hurt less for you to have turned me down instead of giving me a chance like you did." Your words bite at Kazuha more than you would ever know.

He hides the way his nails press into his skin, digging into it so hard they leave red, crescent moon marks and almost draw blood. Kazuha chews down on his tongue, the metallic taste of his blood flooding his mouth when he conveniently suddenly finds it hard to swallow, leaving him to succumb to the consequences of his own actions.

His mouth is dry when he opens his mouth to speak but words don't come out, just a simple exhale as he processes the back and forth argument that will continue for the rest of the night, "I've met her already."

"And? Is she nice?" You reply shortly, holding your tongue. There are thoughts running through your mind, hundreds in tens of seconds that you can't even grasp yourself. His family was wasting no time in selling this marriage to the media, gaining that social coverage they crave as socialites.

Kazuha lets out a small hum as if the energy had suddenly shifted back to normal between you.

"She's alright," Kazuha starts and you part your lips to speak, quick witted and sharp but Kazuha holds a hand up, silencing you before he continues, "but she isn't you."

"No, you don't get to get to pull that shit now, Kazuha," you laugh, it's bittersweet and causes Kazuha to visibly wince, "you damn well don't get to say shit like that anymore."

Kazuha's ruby eyes fall to how you are gripping an empty wine glass on the table, one that was supposed to be filled with a dark red liquid by now, its fruity taste becoming bitter on your tongues.

You have every right to be angry with him and Kazuha is drowned in remorse when he catches your knuckles turning white before the stem of the wine glass cracks in your palm, dropping the bowl of the glass onto the white cloth decorating the table as it shatters into sharp, broken shards.

The visual of glass breaking causes you to blink quickly, suddenly back to reality as you realise you're gripping at your phone in your hand with almost the same strength you'd put into the wine glass that night. Your muscles relax, leaning forward on the table as you rest your head in your hands.

It’s time to go.

So? There’s nothing much you can do now, and as much as it leaves such a bittersweet taste on your tongue that you can’t bother to swallow at all, it’s as much as the truth. Not as if some miracle can fly across the sky and everything will end in a happily ever after like in a fairytale. To rely on that, really, is desperation (is it really?) as its finest. Or maybe that’s your feelings talking. Maybe that’s just the lifetime worth of memories you held with him, sweeter and lighter than this entire evening has been, that’s making you want to hold onto that thin, fragile string of hope that means nothing in the grand scheme of things.

You feel your chest ache, a familiar feeling lately that you’d rather disappear, fade, or just… vanish. Really. Just anything to make this go away; it’s more of a reminder than anything that makes it twinge whenever you run through that night in your head too many times to count, each small detail almost nothing, a blur, when all you see is the way Kazuha looked at you. Pained? Helpless? A combination of something you couldn’t pin on in the midst of your own heated thoughts?

You wipe the corner of your eyes with each hand, your warm palms something of a comfort. Not the time.

A moonless night bears witness to the two of you lying atop of the roof of your apartment complex, years felt like days, from your school days, with how clear the memory of Kazuha looking over to you with such adoration swirling in his eyes along with the faint stars.

Your shoulders start to tremble.

The embrace of a familiar warmth wrapping around your waist, the blanket slipping onto the floor from the edge of the couch nothing compared to the comfort seeping into your skin.

Muted colors play across the two of you from the movie - it’s nothing but a backdrop anymore as you find yourself a bit more focused on his hand, your fingers wrapped in his, the pad of your thumb lightly caressing the back of his. You feel his breath, a huff, waft over your neck from that.

You try to let go of a sigh. It only comes out as a broken whimper.

His lips shifting against yours, soft, so sweet, as quiet sounds are shared between two of you. His shallow sighs of your name dripping with every nights’ worth of what ifs, every waking days’ worth of thoughts that crossed and blurred a line between friends and something more.

A chance, a hope, a dream - all of it was woven into the few words Kazuha murmured against your lips, over and over, bounding it with you in his hope that it’d make it real.

You know it all meant something to Kazuha.

Every mote of sand of time that fell within the two of you meant something to him, cherished it close and closer to his heart than anything else. You know that much. It was obvious - so obvious, too obvious - in every word he said that carried gravity and care to you, in every act he’s ever done for you for the sake of making you smile. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

He loved you. Kazuha loves you in every sense of the word. It was only that very love that led to this, as much as the two of you shared in it. This is the best for the two of you.

You know that, and he, of all people, especially knows that. It meant something to him, and so he just had to go ahead and say yes, let you into a world that was only for the two of you, and led you on until the edge of the world and into the reality you’re in now.

Do you blame him for that? For all of this? You’re not sure anymore.

Sure, of course, on that night, he knew where… this, the relationship, was going, how it was going to end. Kazuha could’ve prevented this if he hadn’t held your hand on that one day, stared into your eyes long enough for you to see that he felt the same - he instead gave you, this, a chance.

Things might’ve been better if he didn’t.

You click your tongue. Nope. Don’t think about him, or just don’t think in general - your thoughts are bound to come back to him regardless, no matter what you do. There’s no use thinking about this, no use in even giving it a second of your evening like this.

You stood up. The chatter stirs around you, aware or not, fades to the backdrop. It’s not exactly ideal to stay here, especially since you feel as though you’ll start crying at any given moment. You pick up your umbrella leaning against the leg of the chair, still dripping a bit.

In your thoughts, in your dreams, in your what ifs, yes, but this is neither of those things - this is the truth. This is your reality (how many times will you say that to yourself until you finally realize it?), and the reality is, amid soft, crackling candlelight, a gentle coat of companionship, cottony velvet rolling across the cushions, decor ivy slithering on the walls, just that - a rather pretty veil over your eyes to try and cloud the emptiness that sits with you across the table.

He’ll be alright. Of course he’ll be alright. He’s Kazuha.

You hadn’t realized you were already outside. The light jingle of the bell atop of you fades, leaving a lonely echo. The thrum of the rain felt underneath your feet, clearer than it had been inside.

There’s a heaviness in the air you can’t quite place either, or maybe that’s just all you and the feelings you can’t seem to leave behind (not that it’s easy to do so in the first place.)

For some reason, whenever it rains, you’d feel as though you can finally breathe (he’d know that). You try to smile. It’s weak, shy of breaking down, and to the point that even you don’t believe in it, but it’s a smile nonetheless; it makes you feel a bit better.

You bid goodbye to Kazuha, the thought of him.

You bid goodbye to the man you love.

You bid goodbye to the memories you know you’ll visit later whenever anything and everything reminds you of him.

Will he be happy? Will he be alright? You know you’ll find yourself thinking about this some time later, but you try to find comfort, even as thin as it is, in the idea that he’ll think of the same things you’ll be - that’ll he find that pseudo happiness in a past that’ll already be too far to reach into.

You open your umbrella, the panels springing open. The canopy you’re under trickles with rainfall, pelting said umbrella in an almost melodic symphony if you try hard enough to hear it. You take quiet pleasure in that as you walk out and into the tears.

You’ll be alright. He’ll be alright. You both will be alright.

(He doesn’t like the rain that much.)

The rain itself drowns that one out.

[mellowseulogy]

SAUDADE

IN WHICH: You get isekaied into the world of Attack On Titan and although you're scared, they remind of all of the reasons why you loved them in the first place.

tags: black reader, fluff and angst, canon typical violence, isekai, found family, 'kinda' reverse harem, swearing,

AN: I originally posted this on Wattpad but I figured crossposting wouldn't be too bad! This is also inspired by the wonderful curlycho's 'Sucked In' on Wattpad and AO3!

1.

Your eyes blinked open and a heavy whiplash overcame you. Instinctively, you groped around your bed to try to stabilise yourself. But when you pulled the covers up to your nose, the sheet was thin, caked with dust, and smelled terrible. Through a brief coughing fit, you rubbed your gunk-crusted eyes clean and leaned forward.

This was not your bedroom.

"She's awake!" A voice cried out. You couldn't see where the person was so you assumed it was from a bit away from you.

On the back of your forearms, you pushed yourself onto your butt and like a tidal wave, the expanse of greenery swarmed you.

In front of you was a large oak tree scratched with a chunk that seemed to be... bitten off. Its bark stretched high into the sky - pretty leaves fanned out over you and through the small gaps in them, an auburn sky waning navy from the coming night. Underneath you was a bed of blue flowers hidden in thick grass. It almost reminded you of something you saw on the... Your mind went blank.

That didn't explain how you were here though...

"Helloo~." There were hands on your shoulders and you jerked back in sudden shock. Grabbing your sheets, you crawled away from your current resting point and backed yourself uselessly against the tree.

"Woah, you're fast...uh sorry to scare you, sorry! Just was happy to see you weren't ya know... dead is all." The girl who had scared you half to death had an extremely apologetic look on her face and she had her head bowed. By the looks of it, she seemed to be the same age as you but she was wearing a uniform of some kind. An emblem of swords on her blazer's chest.

In her remorseful spiral, a boy began to walk up behind her - there was a bowl in his hands. "Sasha, what did we say about sneaking up behind people? You don't just jump on someone when they've just come out of unconsciousness, she could've died of a heart attack."

He crouched beside her and stared at her, she stared back, then he switched the bowl into his left hand and flicked her square on the forehead. The girl (Sasha) recoiled backward in pain and rolled in the grass, clutching at her head. This whole moment could've been very funny to you emitting one little thing... you still had no clue where the hell you were.

Shoveling down your nerves, you pulled the sheet down from your knees and coughed to get the pair's attention. "W-where am I?" You tried to look assertive but you're sure that your voice gave you away.

There was a ninety-nine percent chance these thoroughly unserious people weren't kidnappers. So you weren't terrified but it still bothered you. However, there was still that one percent...you think you read a book about it once.

The boy with the bowl in his hands shuffled a little closer to you, you shuffled back wary of the steam that bellowed out of it. It smelled really nice though. "Hey, sorry about Sasha she's a bit there." Sasha mouthed another sorry. "My name is Jean and my squad found you on the edge of a cliff."

"Well actually, me and Eren did." Another boy had started to walk over with a towel and bundle of something in his hands - his hair was shaven. "Jeanboy was too much of a wuss to grab you."

"Shut up, Connie and let me finish." He ended with a frustrated grunt. Then, he looked up at you and smiled. "So, we brought you back to our camp so we can fix you up before we start our expedition back to the barracks."

He brought the bowl to your hands. "It's soup, regain your strength and then we can talk. Who knows how long you were out there for." He rummaged in his pockets and gave you a spoon. You just stared.

"Or, do you want me to...feed you?" Jean said.

"No, thanks." You took the spoon from his hands.

He nodded, understandingly but with the way the bald boy smirked maybe he wasn't as pleased.

Inside the bowl was a clutter of all kinds of vegetables, swirling around in a dark brown soup. It looked alright, but poisoning was still very much a possibility. These people didn't seem too hostile in any capacity, with the way they were goofing around a meagre fire. Swirling the contents of the meal in contemplation, you tried to hone in on what happened before all of this - when you tried...your mind drew blank.

Like an incomplete storyboard with no beginning or end, you were plastered in the middle of it all. Thinking hurt because there was nothing to think back to - you didn't like it.

But right now you were in the middle of nowhere and a horrific grumble started to settle in your stomach. Gingerly shoveling a spoonful of soup into your mouth, you were honestly surprised. It didn't taste half as bad as you thought it would. Wonder why. After finishing the remaining potatoes and carrots, you licked your lips with relish. You hadn't truly realised the full extent of your hunger.

"You tore that up." The boy with a shaved head said next to you - you hadn't even noticed he was there. He was the one holding all those herbs and towels. Staring for a moment he broke out into a snicker. "You can talk, you know. I'm not gonna eat you." That's when you noticed that you were staring again like an idiot.

He sat down on the grass next to you and placed his tools on a box. "Just here to fix you up, laying on a cliffside doesn't sound healthy." He dipped the towel into the bowl a damp towel and wrung it into the dirt. In the midst of all of this, you finally realise how quiet you've been, they probably think you're some poor abandoned teen.

"What's your name?" You asked.

He looked up from crushing down purplish liquid into some blue flowers. "Connie Springer. Yours?"

You thought hard, for something that should've been as easy as breathing, your mind wrapped into coils in trying to think.

"You look like you're about to take a shit." He smiled, "S'alright you're probably still a bit hazy, don't worry about it."

He finishes up with a small bowl of something orange and says, "Alright, gonna dab this on your face while it's still warm, let me know if it's okay."

First, he tried to push your hair behind your ears but a curl kept sticking out. It was kind of cute seeing his tenacity.

When he finally moved your hair out of the way, he patted the towel gently around your face. You didn't know if this had any sort of special remedy but it unwinded your very rigged mind. You let out a long deep breath and you let yourself relax into the touch, eyes flitting closed.

"Open your mouth for me." And you did it with minimal resistance. He tipped the contents of a metal cup into your mouth - you promptly wrinkled your eyebrows.

"Gross." You muttered, it was nasty. Ucky. Vile.

Connie chuckled, "I know, it's terrible, isn't it? But it's just a drinkable antiseptic. Not a permanent solution but will fight anything nasty."

"Hah! See I remember, Jean. Practical medicine's pretty easy when you're besties with Armin."

"Armin."

"Oh, you'll see him in a minute - he's like super smart."

Armin. You played with the name on your tongue whilst trying to shake off the nasty aftertaste of that medicine. It sounded familiar, you focused intently on your memories to try and piece something together...

...all you could remember was the pressure of drowning.

"Hey! When do the others get back? I don't think we have enough firewood to cook all of our dinners!" Sasha yelled.

Connie smirked, focused on patching up a deep cut on your forearm. "You sure you didn't eat all of it?"

"Nuh-uh, I've been focusing on my hunger on this expedition," Sasha said. "Besides, I think you'd all kill me if I did."

The sky was losing its evening haze and turning a deep blue.

"Well, they better hurry up." Jean said, lounging on a log.

A rustle in the bushes set you on edge, you figured it was the rest of their squad but you could never be too sure.

Pushing the leaves aside, a brown bear thudded on the forest floor. Before you could comprehend, you screamed, scrambling up onto your feet.

"Get behind the tree!" Connie whisper-yelled to you.

Jean, Sasha and Connie had quickly pulled out long swords from behind a severed tree. Coordinated at each other's sides, ready to attack.

Another rustle in the bushes and out came a pair of legs, stepping over the bear.

"Sorry for scaring you, guys." An extremely tall boy raised his hands in mock defeat.

Sasha gasped, "Bertolt?!" Her eyes flitted down to the bear. To which now she realised was very much dead.

Jean placed both his, Sasha and Connie's swords behind the stump and ushered you from behind the tree.

Bertolt and another person had carried the bear to the middle of the camp. She had long dark hair in a ponytail and looked strangely absent from the whole situation.

Two others followed from behind carrying firewood. But a headache had blossomed shortly after your adrenaline had simmered, so you sat down.

These other people seemed to be the rest of the squad Jean was talking about. It seemed like they had killed the bear for food.

Its dead, glassy eyes peering holes into your own. You ceased eye contact and settled on finding out who these new people were.

"Oh yeah, Eren, she woke up," Connie said nonchalantly whilst placing new firewood to rekindle its might. But to Eren, this seemed to be the most astonishing news ever.

Like you hadn't had enough, he rushed over to your resting place and took your hands in his own.

Almost immediately, pain bloomed in the back of your head. Your ears rang loudly and you tried to blink away a steady stream of tears wetting your cheeks. Your stomach turned.

"H-how are you feeling?" Eren asked, concerned. But it only came through muffled ears.

Oh.

"A-alright, just a bit of a headache."

There was an awkward pause when Eren was simply focused on scanning your face.

When the pain subsided, the world felt slightly clearer. Only slightly.

Armin came up from behind Eren. "Uh, Eren. I'm pretty sure she should rest." He nodded, moved back on his heels and stood up.

"Y-yeah, sorry. I'm just glad, that's all." He walked over to the campfire to help Connie fry some leftover meat.

Armin. Looked over to you and smiled, but you were too disgruntled to smile back.

The dark-haired girl was busy gutting the bear with Jean. But her gaze had flicked over to you with a note of blankness behind her eyes. You only looked back, stupefied

Mikasa.

.

Attack on Titan?

.

Oh god...

.

.

.

[jenning-fcb]

I was thinking of a Clegen au with reincarnation, but like

Before they meet, John starts having dreams about Gale, but at first they aren't very clear dreams, he keeps dreaming about his eyes and his voice. And he can't get this person that he doesn't even know who is out of his head. Until Gale transfers to the college that John attends, and although he is a little different, younger, with longer hair, and even though John had never seen his face clearly in his dreams, when the His eyes meet Gale for the first time, John is sure he is the one he dreams of.

And John is very confused by this, how is the person in his dreams a real person? And why does he keep dreaming about him? He even thinks about going to talk to him, but soon discards the idea knowing that he would seem crazy.

But shortly afterwards John remembers everything. He remembers what Gale meant to him, and who he was to him. Who he still means and is. And the first thing he feels is such intense pain, almost like mourning, for the love they couldn't have in their past life.

The night John remembers everything, he cries like he thinks he's never cried in his life. He remembers that all they had were stolen moments, that at that time they could never truly be together. He remembers as if it were yesterday, not a lifetime ago, the feeling of having Gale sleeping in his arms, even though it had only happened once in his other life, but the memory seemed so recent that he could almost feel him in his arms again.

But after the grief he felt for his past self, John also feelt hope. They were no longer in 1940, and it was no longer a crime to love another man. He still feels lost and doesn't know how to approach the blonde, since he's almost certain that the other doesn't remember anything. So he only plans to get closer little by little. But every time he sees Gale, his heart fills with love, and he knows that it won't be easy to act around him as if he doesn't know him, as if he isn't his entire world.

But John would do it, because he knows that if it were necessary, he would still wait Gale for another 10 lives more.

So, Gale and John start having study sessions together. Well, John knew that Gale attended these study sessions and signed up just to get closer to him. And as Gale always stayed alone in the library after each session, John started to stay too, and during those nights they started talking and getting to know each other. In fact, Gale got to know John, as John knew him better than his own face.

These nights were John's favorite parts of the day, but also his personal torture. It was so hard to be in front of Gale without being able to pull him into his arms, without being able to tell him how much he loved him. Pretending he wasn't agonizing to touch him.

In one of these conversations, John discovers that before returning to the USA, Gale was attending college in Brazil. And to try to impress him, he tells him that he knows a little Portuguese and how beautiful he thinks the language is. One of his favorite words is Saudade. A word that only exists in Portuguese, which has no direct translation into any other language, but which means the feeling of missing someone, the longing or yearning.

Gale agrees with him that it really is a nice word, but he prefers the expression: eu sinto sua falta. And John asks what the translation is, and then Gale explains that many translate it to ''I miss you'', but if you translate it literally it means: I feel the lack of you.

I feel the lack of you. Never had a sentence described so much of what John felt. He felt Gale's absence in his soul every day of his life. Even though Gale was still in front of him, still not quite… his Gale. And he felt so alone without his Gale.

But John would still live for Gale, even if he wasn't his Gale, he would accept any space in his life that Gale was willing to give him. He would take what he could have.

[oceangirl24]

Saudade: Losing Audrey Part I

Audrey's removal was temporary...

...He pulled into the driveway and turned off the vehicle but didn't get out of the truck. He felt disconnected from his body and couldn't make any part of himself move.

"Jon?" Shawn put his hand on his shoulder and gave him a shake. "What happened in Feeny's office? Where's Audrey?"

He wasn't prepared to answer these questions. He wasn't prepared to shatter Shawn's hopes for the future.

Jon stared at the windshield and wondered when it started raining.

"Jon. You're freakin' me out. Where's Audrey?"

"Gone." His voice was thick with emotion, and it was hard to get the word out.

"Gone?"

"Feeny knows."

Shawn sat back and frowned as he studied his teacher. "How much does he know?"

"Everything," Jon sighed despondently. "Except that I was gonna propose next month and that we were gonna adopt you."

He tipped his head back over the top of the car seat and stared at the ceiling.

"Hmm," Shawn replied, rubbing a finger over his lips. "So, he doesn't know about Saturday?"

"No."

Shawn nodded, unsurprised. "When is she gettin' back?"

Jon flinched at the question. "She isn't."

..."Man's gotta god complex," Shawn remarked rolling his eyes. He turned sideways to face Jon and rested his arm on the back of the seat. "Who died and made him Audrey's dad? Last time I checked, Pops was still kickin'."

Jon snorted in distaste at Shawn's word choice regarding Richie. "George thinks he knows best."

"Maybe in school stuff." Shawn paused to watch his teacher's pained expression. Jon was taking this incredibly hard. It surprised him when, by Shawn's estimate, it was only a few weeks they'd be without her.

It wasn't ideal but it also wasn't a tragedy.

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

Jon's got it so bad for Aud, he thought gleefully.

But his teacher wasn't smiling, so Shawn didn't tease him.

Instead, he said thoughtfully, "The school year's almost over. What's Feeny gonna do if we take off to New York as soon as the last bell rings? Call the cops and report us for intent to form a family?"

"My office now, Mr. Turner. I do not care what you are doing. I do not care what state of dress you are in. My office.  Now."

Jon felt the way Shawn looked: sick and helpless.

"Can I ask what this is about?" he ventured, bracing to be yelled at for insubordination.

"You lied to me, Mr. Turner," he replied with disgust. "You told me there was no romantic relationship between you and Miss Andrews. You have fifteen minutes to get to my office or I will come to you. And you do not want that."

The sound of the receiver dropping roughly into its cradle echoed in Jon's ear as he tried to wrap his head around the unspoken threat in Feeny's words.

"What?" Shawn jumped to his side and grabbed him by the shirt sleeve.

Numbness settled over Jon.

"He knows."

Shawn was positive he could feel Jon's fear and it made him shudder.

"He knows what?"

"Everything."

Read the Rest:

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[asirensrage]

Saudade - chapter 12

Rating: Explicit Pairing: Mikey x OC, Hanma x OC, Ran x OC, Mikey x OC x Draken Fandom: Tokyo Revengers Warnings: swearing, violence, threats of violence, murder, smoking, sex, consensual sex between teenagers, alcohol, recreational drug use, mention of trafficking, torture, family neglect, mentions of sexual violence. isekai OC. memory loss. unbeta’d **warnings are not exhaustive** Summary: No one seems to realize she doesn’t belong until she finally runs into her “new” brother, Hanagaki Takemichi. Now, hearing his story, Takara makes the choice to help him and hopefully find her way home, but faking it til you make it only lasts so long when you start losing the memories of the life you had before. As Takemichi becomes the only family she’s ever known, how far will she go to protect him?

notes: I'm having a ridiculous week filled with a series of "if it can go wrong, it will go wrong." So I've decided to entertain myself by posting the next chapter. I hope you all like it and that it gives you a small bright spot in your day <3

also on ao3

fic masterlist - prev chapter

The first problem shows up at school. 

Takara is wearing her uniform and heading to sit with some of her classmates to eat when she’s approached. The two boys coming up to her aren’t wearing a school uniform which is the first sign something is wrong. She’s not used to people approaching her during class. Most of the gangsters she knows never make it to high school or, like her brother, are still in middle school. Still, she hears the whispers and sees the fear in her classmates’ eyes when they stop behind her. 

“Hanagaki.”

She shoves a piece of egg in her mouth before she gets up and turns to face them. “What?” She looks them over quickly. They’re wearing some gang uniform she’s never seen before and grinning down at her like she’s an easy target. 

“You’re coming with us.”

“The fuck I am,” she says once she swallows what she’s eating. She hears someone gasp behind her, likely at her language. “I don’t know who you are or what you want. I’m not going anywhere with you.” They’re not that much taller than her, nothing near the size of Draken or Hanma, but they try to intimidate her. 

“You think you’re being given a choice?”

“I think you better back the fuck up before you get hurt.” 

They laugh and Takara tightens her grip on the chopsticks she’s still holding. Takemichi’s warning of what happened to the guy’s girlfriend echoes in the back of her mind. Her aunt told her to use anything at her disposal if she ever needed to. They all seem to forget that Takara doesn’t care about being a problem. Not if she needs to be. 

One of them reaches forward, grabbing the front of her uniform shirt and yanking her towards them. “You come quietly or by force. It's your choice.”

Takara smiles at them widely. “My choice?” She stabs the chopsticks down into the hand holding her shirt as hard as she can before using her leg to force him out of her space. He yells in pain and she hears people sounding shocked around her, but she focuses on the two boys. The other one reaches for her, but Takara is short and flexible. She drops herself down, sliding across the bench she’s sitting on under his arm and punches as hard as she can into his groin. He bends forward instantly, swearing at her. She takes the chance of the opening and runs like hell. 

They run after her. 

She doesn’t stop, even as they swear and hurl insults as they chase. They’re taller than her, but she’s still faster and knows her school. She needs a plan. Especially because if she lets this slide, it’s just going to create an opening for them to come back or for others to take this same chance. 

She diverts her course and heads for where the sports equipment is held. The shed is unlocked and she grabs a baseball bat. It’s becoming a familiar weight in her hands at this rate. 

Takara tucks herself up on a ledge and waits. They’ll expect her to be low. She waits until they open the door and step into the room before she slams the bat down on his head. His friend doesn’t follow and when he falls to his knees, she climbs down. She brings the bat down again. And again. And again. 

Blood sprays from the hits, staining her uniform. 

“You came to fuck me up, huh?” she asks. “How’s it fucking feel?” She hits him one more time, knocking him unconscious. She stands there, panting. For a second, she thinks she’s killed him, but she sees him breathing. 

She takes the bat with her and by the time she takes two steps out of the storage room, the other one shows up. He stops at the sight of her. 

“You kill him?” 

“No,” she says, staring at him. “Not yet at least. Probably needs a hospital.”

“Who the fuck helped you?”

“What makes you think I need help? I warned you.” She shifts her stance slightly. “I’ll give you a choice. Better one than you gave me. You can try to come after me and end up like your friend, or you can take him and get the fuck out of here. The next person who comes to my fucking school is going to end up dead. You can pass that message on.” She stares at him and waits. 

He moves past her slowly, eyeing the bat in her hands before he opens the door to the room she vacated. She hears him swear and ask his friend if he’s okay. Takara can feel her hands starting to shake but she shoves the feeling down. 

There are voices of what sounds like one of the teams coming towards them. Takara does the only thing she can. She flees. Bat still in hand, covered in blood, Takara runs as fast as she can, wishing she was in her blades so that she could go faster. 

She ducks out the back of the school gate and thinks she catches sight of Hanma walking towards the building. He stops as he sees her but she keeps going. She’s covered in too much evidence for the chaos about to be found by the sports team. Everyone saw her get approached by them. 

“Princess, stop!” 

She keeps going. She can’t stop. She can’t stop until she’s far from here. Until--until something grabs her wrist. She swings automatically but Hanma blocks the hit with his other arm. She stares at him, gaze unfocused until he yanks her closer. 

“Takara!”

She jolts, looking up at him finally before she scowls and automatically pulls herself back. “Don’t fucking touch me!” She glances around, looking for more people following her. 

“What the fuck happened?!” he asks, looking her over. 

“I got– I got fucking jumped at school. Let go.” He doesn’t look surprised at the news and it pisses her off more. Takara narrows her eyes as she feels herself start to shake. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.”

She steps back, away from him. She can’t…he feels overwhelming and too close and she’s still holding the bat and too close to the school and is he still alive–

“Princess,” he cuts in, “fucking breathe.” He holds up the cigarette in his hand and slowly places it in her mouth. “Inhale.” 

She doesn’t know why she listens. She closes her mouth over the cigarette and inhales. The taste is awful and she starts coughing before she can inhale deeply. He grins and takes the cigarette out. 

Takara bends over, trying to catch her breath. “What the fuck?” Her eyes are watering and she glares up at Hanma. He takes a drag of the cigarette as he grins down at her. In the back of her mind, it registers as an indirect kiss. 

“Stopped you from freaking out, didn’t it?” he asks. “Want to try again?”

She straightens and looks at him, hand tightening on the bat. “I need to get out of here.”

“Come on,” he nods. “Here.” He hands her the cigarette again and holds out a hand for the bat. 

She takes the smoke but doesn’t give up her weapon. She inhales slower this time, weirdly more cognizant of what she’s doing. 

“You don’t have to hold it, just breathe,” he says. 

“Fuck off,” she mutters as she starts to walk. It feels weird to smoke. It’s keeping her grounded but there’s a warning alarm in the back of her mind. As though she’s going to be killed by her mother or her brothers if they ever find out. Smoking ruins your lungs. It ruins your ability to…to…race. But her mother here doesn’t give a shit. Her parents here barely look at her and she only has the one brother. 

She takes another drag.

“You look sexy smoking.” 

“Fuck off,” she repeats. She drops the cigarette on the ground and stomps it out before picking up speed. She has to figure out what to do. “God damn it,” she mutters, rubbing her free hand over her face. 

“So who was it?” Hanma asks, still walking next to her. 

She ignores him. Her hands are trembling and all she wants is to get in the shower and go to bed. She’s going to have to go back to that school. They’re going to know. Fuck, what if they call home? She snorts. Then again, maybe that’ll force her parents to actually talk to her. To remember they have more than just a son.

“Can I have another one?” she asks, finally looking at him. 

He grins at her, moving slightly forward to face her and walking backwards. “You want another smoke? Tell me who jumped you.” 

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask for names.” She looks around, half expecting someone else to jump out like it was some stupid game and she was going to have to level up. Again. “They showed up at lunch and wanted me to follow them. Thought I was some easy fucking target.” 

“You kill ‘em?”

“He was still breathing when I left.” 

He laughs at that before flinging his arm over her shoulders. She moves without thinking, raising the bat and flipping it in her hand before jabbing it into his side. He lets out a huff of air, bending over with the makeshift gut punch she lands. 

“Don’t touch me,” she snarls. “Fuck.” She still feels like the world is starting to close in around her. She can’t go home. Can’t let her parents or brother see her like this. Takemichi would freak out and her parents…maybe they wouldn’t even notice. 

She can’t stay here with Hanma haunting her steps. If she even asked for his help, she’d be under his thumb a lot faster than she wanted. Under Kisaki’s control. Especially if he caught the evidence of this. She needs to get out of here. Fast. “Hanma. Go back to the school and tell me what’s happening. ”

“You ordering me?”

“You want me near you? Do this. Then we’ll talk.” 

“I want a kiss,” he tells her, leaning down so his face is by hers. “A fucking proper one. Got it?” 

Shit. Takara rolls her eyes. “Sure, if you can handle the fact I might throw up on you.” 

“I’ll take the chance.” He straightens and looks around. “Wait for me, princess. I’ll get you the information you want.” 

“Prove it.” 

He winks at her and grins before strolling away. He doesn’t seem concerned about the fact she might run. It isn’t like he can’t find her if he wants. Especially with her connection to Toman. 

Takara continues walking, not pretending that she’ll sit around and wait. Once they’re both out of sight, she runs as fast as she can. She’s had years of training, years of building her endurance for the various activities her own parents forced her into. He won’t catch up. 

⛸️

When she finally feels safe enough, far enough away from her school, Hanma and everything that waits for her behind. The people she passes on the street avoid her, mothers moving their children out of the way. She needs to get out of here but her options are few. If she calls Mikey or Draken, they might force her to change her choice. If she calls her brother…he’s going to have a panic attack. There’s no one else. No one who won’t–except…

She moves the bat to her other hand, wondering where she actually is before she clicks on a contact. The phone rings twice before there’s an answer. 

“Been wondering when you’d call for that date.”

“I…I need a favour…”

tag list: @raith-way @zeleniafic @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @residentdormouse

@themaradwrites @kingsmakers @thatmagickjuju @awkwardchick87 @hayatoseyepatch

tr tag: @mitsuwuyaa @blackfire2013 @bleach-your-panties @reiners-milkbiddies

saudade tag: @thisbicc @scythegal  @maraya-007

network tag: @pixelcafe-network

[amberizedcasey]

pac wakes up in a field of blue flowers, forget-me-nots, he remembers cellbit telling him about them, they mean maily remembrance, but there is also a myth of a man falling in a river and being dragged by the riptide while trying to gather flowers for his loved one

he quirks a smile, who would of thought that the same man who was once called a beast would have such a passion for things as fragile as flowers? he surely didn’t, but he is happy that he did

he gets up, his fingers touch the grass below him, they are quite wet, like it had rain in the night, he doesn't remember falling asleep there, his base in the purgatory was in a cave

his base in the purgatory wasn't anywhere near a field of forget-me-nots, no, there wasn't even a flower field anywhere in the purgatory or in quesadilla island

forget-me-nots meant remembrance, they are a simbol of what remains, a way to keep the memory of the ones that are not here anymore

that's what he was, right? not here, not alive

pac was dead

but he didn't felt dead

no

he felt free, he felt sad, a kind of sadness that he knew quite well, saudades, he didn't knew exactly what he missed, he didn't knew for how long he had being dead, for a start he didn't even knew how he died, at least he didn't felt pain, not that some could feel pain after being dead, but he hoped that he at least went peacifully

he once wish to die holding richas in one hand and fit on the other

he felt a bitter felling on his cheast that things may not have gone this way

luckly he didn't have much time to delve in his sorrow, no, he was busy trying to understand what had jumped on top of him

"PAI"

saying that he was frozen in place would be a euphemism, he was not even breathing, and for some reason he still felt light headed for not doing so even after being dead

"Richas, come on, filho, we don't want to kill him twice"

he heard some one slapping the person who spoke, but he could care less when his son was finally in his arms, holding him tight like he was going to escape

"He is not leaving anywhere, you know that, right?"

he opened his eyes, when had he closed them? he looked up to the face of the man he once called brother, his soulmate, his other half, mike

he tried to speak but only sobs left his mouth, mike was there, not bug eyes, not black cloth, no murderous intentions, just good old mike, still a litlle weird and insane, but he was his mike, and he was there, with him, and he wouldn't leave him, not anymore

he rushed to hug him, keeping richas between them, making a little dragon sandwhich, the kid laugh, oh how he missed his laugh, he laugh too, he cried and laugh, it was a cacophony of sounds, he felt more people joining in the hug, felps, forever, cellbit, they were all there, wet faces and red noses

they stayed like this for a while, tangled legs and arms, a pile of bodies laying in the field just like the old times when they were still living in the favelas on their first days on the island

the old times, they were so far away now, everything was, his memories were staring to get blurry, the good and the bads, but the mist important ones stayed, he remembers mike with a broken glass, he remembers looking at the stars on the roof of the orphanage, he remembers the breaze of fresh air once they escaped the prison, he remembers their adventures in the labs, he remembers the boat, he remembers his son first smile, he remembers the hide and seek games, he remembers giving fit a rose, he remembers

they eventually leave the ground and start walking through the field

he sees others faces, he sees baghera, he sees jaiden and carre, he sees foolish and tina, he sees mouse

he sees the eggs, the old ones and the ones he knew, he sees trumpet finaly in his dads arms, he sees bobby with his mom, he sees juanna and her dad, he sees tilin and their dad, he sees talluah and her dad, he sees leo with her dad, he sees chayanne with his dad, he sees dapper and pomme with their mom, he sees ramon with.. he sees ramon, and ramon sees him, he rushes to him, and he holds him

fit was alive, he thanks the gods for that, but he also wish he was here with them, he knows that this is very selfish of him, but no one can blame him for that, not when most of them wish for the same

for some time he stays there in the flower field, just hugging and crying, he cries so much, he doesn't even care, he doesn't think he ever cried that much, he doesn't know how much time he spent there, hughing his two kids, they where supposed to be two, he was supposed to have two

he had now

time passes diferent when you are dead, he knows that because he sees old friends faces and they say that they didn’t wait long for him, he knows that he will see the people he lost soon, so for now he will wait

he will lay on the field of forget-me-nots, he will hold his sons hands, he will lay his head on the lap of his best friend, and he will wait, that is all he can do now, and he is okay with that

[eashmo]

Bloodlust part 1 💋 (Vampire Eddie x y/n)

-Saudade-

Rating: R

Warnings: filthy reunion smut to start of this story, This storyline is going to have a lot of smut and fluff with Augst, of course

A/n: picture by me.

Saudade- a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant, or that has been loved and then lost; "the love that remains."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Losing my boyfriend in the Upside Down a year ago has been hell on earth. People would whisper “that was the freaks girlfriend.” or will bully me with “I can see why your murdering boyfriend left you” tears always fell when I hear them because Eddie sacrificed himself to save these people but they will never know how much of a hero he really is. Eddie was never coming back to me, so I thought.

~~~~~~~~

A nightmare of not being able to save Eddie causes me to wake up screaming, tears pouring down my face. I curled into myself as I looked over towards my clock, seeing it read 12AM. I sigh. This was the 10th nightmare this week. I moved to the edge of the bed, holding my head in my hands. The images of his soft brown eyes turning dull as life leaves them. The last words he said to me still ring in my ears “I love you forever.”..... I started to hyperventilate. The pain in my chest was getting overwhelming. I did my breathing exercises. A loud crash was heard from downstairs, snapped me out of my episode. 

“What the hell?” 

Slowly, I rose from the bed, grabbing my nail bat that sat next to my bed. slowly opening the bedroom door, tiptoeing down the stairs. The stairs creaked slightly with every step, causing me to wince at any slight noise. reaching the last step, i peered in the living room. Someone was definitely inside. The place was slightly a mess. like someone made themselves at home. Holding my bat higher, I'm ready to swing at the intruder. 

“W-who is there?”  

Suddenly, a cold body was against my back. a hand snaked around my waist, I froze when I smelled a familiar scent of earthy musk and cigarettes. an icy breath whispered in my ear, giving me goosebumps.

“Miss me, baby?”

“E-Eddie, is that you?” I started to cry.

”It's me, kitten. i'm back” He replies. Nuzzling his face in my hair neck inhaling my scent that he missed so much his left hand grips my hip hard as his face trails down to the crook of my neck inhaling deeply making us both moan, his other hand takes the bat from my hand and throws it to the floor, a loud clang breaks through my heavy breathing. How was he here? And why was he freezing? 

He spun me around gently. We were face to face ,he wiped away the tears that have fallin with a thumb , slowly opening my eyes from my blissfully state of being touched by him again, my Eddie was here. However, he was paler than usual. His smile that made me fall in love with him each time now held sharp and vampire-like canines, and his brown eyes were now crimson. I stood there stunned.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I would never hurt you. But, you really do look and smell good enough to eat. I'm starving” he smirks, licking his lips. 

“what's stopping you?” I whispered.

I didn't care that he was a vampire now, I didn't want to be without him anymore. He's finally home. Eddie pulled me in, capturing my lips to his. The kiss felt hungry and desperate. He turned into an animal with his actions, hands gripping to my waist roughly, his long nails digging into your skin, growling in my lips. He picked me up suddenly, my legs wrapped around his slender waist as he walked up the stairs, never breaking the kiss. Finding our room, he slams me into one of the walls. I gasped at the sensation, which allowed his tongue to enter my mouth. My tongue also explored his mouth, feeling his sharp canines made me shiver. He broke the kiss and made his way down to my neck, kissing and lightly biting. He walked us to the bed and threw me on top of it. He crawled up to me slowly like the predator he now was. This made my legs clinch together.

“Now kitten, don't be shy” he purrs as he slowly spreads my legs. Kissing my feet and traveling up my right leg as his hand slid up my left. pulling down my sleep shorts, leaving me only in my black lace underwear. It was always his favorite. He let out an animalistic growl when he saw it.

~Fuck vampirism made him even hotter ~ i thought.

He chuckles “who knew that turning into a vampire was going to turn you on so much.” I looked into his crimson eyes in shock.

~How did he know?~

“I can now read your pretty thoughts, kitten.” he smirks.

“fuck me.” I hid my face in embarrassment.

“Oh, I plan on it, kitten.” he slowly pulled my underwear off. He smiled at the beautiful sight and pulled me towards him before going in.  He gripped onto my thick thighs as he flattened his tongue against my core.

You gasped, with every touch and flick of his tongue, you squirmed, causing him to look up and lick his lips, “keep moving, and see what happens."

“E-Eddie, please” I whined. 

“Did you forget how to address me?” his voice stern.

“N-no S-sir” I breathed out. causing him to smirk before attaching his lips onto my core once more. Gasping at the sudden impact, gripping onto his hair with both hands. Eddie continued, smirking against my skin as I moaned louder and louder with each movement. Sticking his tongue in my entrance he began to fuck me with his tongue. He moved to my clit while adding a ringed finger. Then another. He kisses my thighs and bites down, drawing blood. I gasped in pain and pleasure. 

”Right there, sir, please keep going,” I begged.

With every moan, Eddie's hand went faster and faster. “I'm about to cum. Sir” he stops suddenly causing me to whine from being edged. looking down at Eddie, He licked the blood off his lips slowly while staring you in the eyes intensely red eyes now black. Grabbing the collar of his shirt pulling him up to attach my lips to his, tasting copper in my mouth. I moan to the taste.  

“I want you inside of me” I say into the kiss.

“As you wish, kitten.” he undid his spiked belt, pulling down his black skinny jeans and then his boxers. He teased my entrance with his tip for a second before roughly entering me, his cock stretching me, I grit my teeth in pain, tears start to slowly surface, it's been too long. 

“You ok kitten?” He noticed my discomfort.

“Yes, it's just been too long. I haven't been with anyone, I couldn't, I wanted only you.”

“I'm sorry kitten for taking so long to get back, but you have me forever now.” 

He continues but at a slower pace to help me adjust. My body started to want more, thrusting myself on his cock. This executes a long, low growl from him. He pushes my thighs down firmly. His pace now faster each thrust he goes deep into me. He moaned into my neck, left hand gripping my hip and the other threads itself into my left hand, wrapped my legs around his waist and squeezed around him digging my nails with my free hand into his back, causing him to fuck me harder. Moans and whines filled the room, which only gave him more energy. His sharp teeth grazed my neck. 

“You smell so good” he groans. I can feel him hesitating on biting me, but I trust him. 

“Bite me, Eddie, feed off me.” As soon as I gave him permission, I instantly felt pain in my neck. But the pain was quickly replaced by ecstasy. My body felt like it was on fire. As he fed I could tell he was about to cum we both came at the same time, I felt his warm cum shooting in every corner in me filling me up. I almost blacked out from loss of blood and the overwhelming pleasure. gripping him harder as he moans into my neck. 

He detached his teeth from my neck. My blood falls from the corners of his lips. as I stare at him in awe. Like he was the most creature that ever walked this earth. His eyes stared back into mine.

“You look beautiful with blood on your face. ” I breathed still dazed. Holding his face in my hands. He chuckles as he licks his lips clean. 

“I've missed you, baby girl”

“I've missed you too.. So, so much.”

Part 2

Masterlist

2023

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

 I looove talking about isekais!!! So let's play something 👀, I'm going to give you 3 possible routes and you choose the one you like the most. "btw sorry for my broken english"

Saudade

You and Suguru are childhood friends, you two grew up together in the same village. Your mom and his are very good friends so inevitably you two spend a lot of time together too.

 You had a happy childhood, you used to have an older sister but unfortunately she lost her life in an accident that happened many years before you were born. It was very unfortunate but your parents moved on with their life, years later you were born

One day a mysterious person comes to the village, he says that he´s a sorcerer and that those “monsters” that you and suguru can see are curses. This person decides to talk to your parents and suguru's parents to explain the situation and tell them that the best thing for both of you would be to attend Tokyo Jujutsu High.

Your parents don't know what to do, they're afraid that something bad will happen to you, they don't want to lose another child but Suguru promises them that he will take care of you. Your parents still feel anxious but decide to trust him, after all suguru has always been taking care of you, he´s a responsible and trustworthy boy.

Time passes and the day to leave that village in the middle of nowhere arrives, you´re packing your things but can't find the camera that Suguru gave you for Christmas, you remember that you left it in the place where you and suguru go to stargazing.

 you go to the place and when you arrive you realize that there´s a girl there holding your camera, her face is familiar and with a warm smile she greets you and returns your camera. You thank her and leave, “she was a very pretty girl” you think, “I wonder what happened to her, those stitches on her forehead looked painful” and with that last thought you and suguru leave the village and head to Tokyo.

- you have no memories of your past life

- Satoru, kenjaku and tengen know that that you´re not from their world

- Your cursed technique is weak

-you´re allergic to peanuts

Epsilon

You´re part of the Zenin clan, you have been blessed with the Ten Shadows Technique and Toji is your big brother. Everyone in the Zenin clan expects a lot from you and that´s very overwhelming, besides you can't stand how everyone in the clan treats your brother. Toji knows that like him, you´re also a victim of your family's excessive expectations so he does everything possible to give you a normal childhood.

And that includes taking you to Shibuya where you can go to cute cafes to eat desserts and where you end up meeting a boy your age with white hair and blue eyes who seems to like desserts as much as you do and with whom you can talk about your new hyperfixation of the moment, digimon.

Things are going well between you and your new friend, until Toji tells you that you shouldn't talk to that kid again, that “kid” is Satoru Gojo the heir of the gojo clan who was blessed with the rikugan. You know better than anyone how complicated the relation between the Gojo clan and Zenin clan is, so with great sadness you decide not to talk to Satoru again.

Satoru understands that you and your brother are in a complicated situation and he doesn´t want to complicate your life further. So he decided to respect your decision not to see each other again. You gave Satoru a keychain of his favorite digimon and a kiss, you promised him that when you two entered Jujutsu High you would look for him.

Three years passed and eventually Toji left the Zenin clan and to the surprise of everyone in the clan, you decided to leave with him. You and Satoru met again a couple years later in Jujutsu High.

- You have no memories of your past life

- Satoru knows there´s something strange with you… and he likes that!. You´re his first friend and he thinks you're something like a "singularity" and that makes him feel that you and him are something like equals.

- Everyone in the zenin clan (except Maki and Mai) hates you and consider you a traitor

- megumi is your nephew, and even though you love your friends in jujutsu high, you miss spending time with him

-you´re allergic to soy

Epiphany

You´re a normal person with a normal family or so it seems. It turns out that you´re a descendant of Michizane Sugawara, Your ritual technique manifested out of nowhere when you were 14 and is so destructive and dangerous that the higher-ups decide to sentence you to death. Yaga feels bad for you, you're just a kid and you don't understand anything of what's going on, so he asks the higher-ups to allow you to attend Jujutsu High. The higher-ups agrees on the condition that Yaga becomes your teacher and keeps an eye on you.

You don't know what to think, you had lived a normal life but when your cursed technique manifested , memories that were not there before came to the surface. None of what happens seems real to you, you miss your parents, your real parents.

The only thing that is clear to you is that you´re now a jjk character. The year 2005 has just begun and you have very little time to think of a plan because otherwise many people will die and many bad things will happen.

- You have your memories and a very strong cursed technique, but very few people trust you

- Having your memories back is a blessing and a curse at the same time, the stress of knowing that many people will die unless you do something it´s awful

- You are very close with Sashisu and Yaga but the rest of the sorcerers consider you a threat.

-you´re allergic to strawberries

HELLO??????? ANON THANK YOU FOR THE WHOLE MEAL YOU JUST GAVE ME WHAT

i’m in love with you. PHDJFJFH I GOT SO EXCITED SEEING THIS IN MY INBOX YOU HAVE NOOO IDEA….. the isekai anon of my dreams <3333 AND THESE ARE ALL SO GOOD AUGHHHHH

hhhh it was so hard to choose between them…. the allergies r very important to me too. i think i’m gonna have to let go of epsilon (as much as i love toru and toji!!) bc i simply couldn’t live without soy sauce T_T so it’s between saudade and epiphany!!! epiphany has the kind of isekai format that i like most, which is . any where reader still has their memories and tries to ”fix” the plot :3 so that’s very tempting!! esp since it takes place during the sashisu era…… but i also rlly love strawberries :((((((( could i live without them…? i’m not sure…………

okay so after thoughtful consideration i choose (to literally no one’s surprise) saudade <3333 bc let’s be real how could i NOT when it’s a suguru/reader childhood friends au (my favorite jjk trope Ever) AND kenjaku is mentioned ???? kenjaku knows i got isekaid????? i can see the interactions so clearly in my brain……. kenny being fascinated by my existance is honestly enough for me to pick this one but also. sugu loves me :3 sugu is my overprotective childhood friend :333 yeah. the scene you mentioned is also just SOOO interesting…. i’m assuming kenny took over my sister’s body 👀👀 the possible interactions with toru and tengen also get me so excited. there’s just so much intrigue!!!! and tbh i’m not huge on peanuts so i think i could live without them…

so. saudade it is!!!!!

[missnobodymadness]

Evelyn Thorburn Playlist

Because they say you can tell a lot about a character by their playlist, so, why not, right? :'D There is a possibility that I will add more songs in the future but for now I think she has a very solid playlist already.

"I've been losing myself in anger, so much broken by the rage, nothing could take my mind off how to make them pay, killing myself for nothing and the pain won't go away"

Her theme song. I really wanted a song from my favorite band to be her theme and I decided to go with Tell Me Why as I feel like it describes very well her arc about the truth behind her parents death, when she starts to wonder if she is on the right side of the story. "Tell me, why am I still here when it's all gone, I'm living with the ghosts of yesterday" this part of the song also reminds me of how she felt after the death of her parents and how that trauma stayed with her until her last breath.

"I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you 'cause I'll forget but I'll never forgive you, don't you know, don't you know? True friends stab you in the front" (...) "You can run, but you can't hide, time won't help you 'cause karma has no deadline"

The song that I imagine as the soundtrack for her scenes during the Return To Shiganshina arc, especially the moment when she literally goes feral after Reiner; real friends really stab you in the front. eheh A good day to be the armored titan, guess armors really can save your life, huh? :'D

"Now there's only one thing I can do, fight until the end like I promised to, wishing there was something left to lose, this could be the day I die for you"

I picked this song for the moment of her death, she died to save Reiner from the War Hammer titan (the irony eheh), only if she'd known that their dead friends would come to save the day before making such decision...just a bad and impulsive choice once again, she died by it, she died being herself.

"When she was just a girl she expected the world but it flew away from her reach and the bullets catch in her teeth, life goes on, it gets so heavy, the wheel breaks the butterfly, every tear a waterfall, in the night the stormy night she'll close her eyes, in the night the stormy night away she'd fly, dream of para-para-paradise"

Decided to add this song to her playlist because this is the perfect description of her old self and the turn her life took, this song represents her wishes an dreams to go back to her origins, to live in a peaceful and better world. The world to where she goes when she dissociates to escape the pain and stress of her reality.

"There's so much I carry with me, it was always my safe haven and now nothing makes sense, I've lost my best friend and if it's not too much, I ask for signs, there's only one word left, saudade, saudade, nothing more that I can say, says it in a better way" (Translated to english)

First, this is a portuguese song and the word "saudade" is unique to our language, there is no exact translation for it, but if I had to describe it, I'd describe it as a deep sorrow for someone you are missing. It is quite obvious why I picked this song and for which moment of her story it is destined...when she finds out about Sasha's death. Well, not exactly the moment when she gets the news but some time afterwards when it starts to actually sink in, the realization of losing someone is such a painful thing to go through... :(

"Fear is withering the soul at the point of no return, we must be the change we wish to see, I'll come into your world, see through your eyes, I'll try to understand, before we lose what we have, we just can't stop believing 'Cause we have to try, we can rise above their truth and their lies"

Yet another song from my favorite band because they have such relatable lyrics! This song is perfect for her first months in Marley, when she starts to slowly realize how messed up things were and eventually warms up to Reiner again out of empathy, deciding to give him a chance to make amends. Overall this is pretty much the soundtrack I picked for her desperate search for peace between Marley and Paradis.

"Well, you're my friend and can you see, many times we've been out drinking, many times we've shared our thoughts, but did you ever, ever notice, the kind of thoughts I got? Well, you know I have a love, a love for everyone I know, and you know I have a drive, to live, I won't let go, but can you see this opposition, comes rising up sometimes? That it's dreadful imposition, comes blacking in my mind, and then I see a darkness"

I picked this song mostly for her mental breakdown and how unstable she she has become over the years. This would also be a nice soundtrack to how she feels after turning her back on Paradis.

"Keep watching from your picket fence, you keep talking, but it makes no sense! You say we're not responsible, but we are, we are"

Picked this song to represent her feelings towards Paradis after finding out about the truth behind her parents death, that's all she could think about while her anger increased leading to the mental breakdown mentioned above, for her, it became very clear that both sides were at fault.

"Ah, and I don't hardly know her but I think I can love her, crimson and clover, ah, now when she comes walking over now I've been waiting to show her, crimson and clover, over and over"

This song wasn't on the original playlist I made for her but ended up adding it after getting so many vibes of Evelyn and Pieck that I ended up listening to it on repeat for weeks. So yeah, this is basically Evelyn's POV when she is around Pieck, a mix of feelings that she is trying to decode, attraction and a mist inside her head that she can't get rid of.

[thunderbone]

English

On the 9th of this month, I lost my rabbit, Stuart. I loved him so much because he was my only best friend I had. After my friends found out about my loss, in addition to mourning it, one of them, NOTG, drew his fursona, Ather, hugging my third fursona, Aeron, comforting him.

He made this beautiful drawing to console me, because he knows what it's like to lose a pet, since last year he also lost his best friend, who was a dog. But it's okay now, because I've already gotten over my rabbit's death. However, although I overcame this pain quickly, I still miss my rabbit a lot.

Like, just yesterday I wanted to see him, but I remembered that he died and that affected me... You know that feeling of being used to seeing the one you loved every day? That's what happened to me. Just remembering my rabbit makes me miss him so much, and I really wish he was still here with me... But what matters is that I've already overcome that horrible pain of losing the pet that I loved so much :')

If you want to see my friend's incredible work, click here: www.instagram.com/notg_arts/

Português (Brasil)

No dia 9 deste mês, eu perdi o meu coelho, Stuart. Eu amava muito ele, porque ele foi o meu único melhor amigo que tive. Depois que os meus amigos souberam da minha perda, além de se lamentarem por isso, um deles, NOTG, desenhou o fursona dele, Ather, abraçando o meu terceiro fursona, Aeron, confortando-o.

Ele fez esse lindo desenho pra me consolar, pois ele sabe como é perder um pet, já que ano passado ele também perdeu sua melhor amiga, que era uma cadela. Mas tá tudo bem agora, porque eu já consegui superar a morte do meu coelho. Porém, que eu tenha superado essa dor até que de forma rápida, ainda sinto muita saudade do meu coelho.

Tipo, ontem mesmo fui querer vê-lo, mas me lembrei que ele morreu e isso me afetou... Sabe aquela sensação de estar acostumado a ver aquele que você amava todos os dias? É o que aconteceu comigo. Só de me lembrar do meu coelho já sinto muita falta dele, e às queria muito que ele ainda estivesse aqui comigo... Mas o que importa é que já superei aquela dor horrível de perder o pet que eu amava muito :')

Caso queiram conhecer o trabalho incrível do meu amigo, cliquem aqui: www.instagram.com/notg_arts/

[aquiescentraconteur]

My dear sweet girl,

My favorite season is ending. Spring is coming to an end, and with it, so is my blossoming time, I hope. These past few months have been what the scientist Herman Hebbinghaus would call a ‘learning curve’, although the blossoming of a flower metaphor seems adequate, I must say. I’m a romantic at heart and always will be, so accept the euphemism, please. Besides this, Monet is my favorite, that alone is a good enough argument. Monet has also been on my mind a lot these past few days, the different seasons throughout his career and the way they are reflected in his art, are good examples of how what you put out into the world is only a reflection of how you feel. He painted his favorite flower over and over again, water lilies.  He let his brush strokes fly according to the emotions he felt. If you ever wonder, that’s why my wallpapers alternate so much sweetie, I’ve learned from him.

It’s contradictory I know; my favorite painting is “The Nighthawks” by Hopper and not a classical Monet painting. I guess that’s how art works, there’s no need for an explanation or a rationale, you just feel like it’s right. The picture Edward portrayed in that painting means solitude and companionship at the same time; he represented beautifully the antithesis of feeling lonely while surrounded by people. It’s as if the singularity of a person remains even in the middle of a crowd. For me, it contradicts the idea of finding someone who stands with you in the middle of the crowd, the idea of a soulmate. Funny uh? Leave it to me to find the thing I fear the most in my favorite painting…

Another thing I’ve been obsessed about lately is ways of expression, the current term I believe is ‘love languages’ – by the time this letter is read, I’m sure they will call it something else. Without even noticing I have songs I associate with the people of utter importance in my life, I guess music is one of my love languages. It happened without me knowing, it’s unconscious.  Whenever I heard a specific set of songs, certain people would enter my mind. My grandfathers are represented by songs like “Time to Say Goodbye” by Bocelli and “Yesterday” by the Beatles. I have no rationale as to why this happened, but I remember hearing both songs in a loop when I was suffering. In the hours prior to their funerals, all I could hear in my quiet times were Paul McCartney’s voice or Sartori’s composition. I’d like to believe they represent the way I see death, inevitable and painful. This took a twisted turn of events my love, sorry, your mom can rumble.

My mom will forever be represented by ‘Slipping Through My Fingers”, ABBA. It reminds me of being held by her, slipping through her fingers but still holding on. I’ll forever hold on to her. Dad is a tough one, but there’s a song I’ve never been able to forget from the first moment I heard it. I have secretly wanted it to be the soundtrack to our father-daughter dance, If I ever get married, it’s called “I Loved Her First” by Heartland. It explains perfectly what I envision to be the whirlwind of a father giving his daughter away. “Ó gente da minha terra”, is a Portuguese song: it’s ‘fado’. The word ‘fado’ doesn’t have a translation, but if it did it would mean ‘saudade’, the feeling of missing someone, and I would say that’s also a song that reminds me of people. The people I lost until now, reminds me of everyone that has been a part of my life at some place and time.

Outside, the night is falling, the lamp posts are starting to turn on and birds still sing. It’s that part of the day when you can actually hear the meaning of the word ‘calm’ in the air. I’m alone in my room with my thoughts.

I’ve been spending a lot of time alone, a lot of silence has been surrounding me, and that’s a good thing, sweetie. You must enjoy your own company in order to appreciate being with others, in order to have something to offer to them. My most recent late nights have been full of my own company, self-discovery and self-knowledge. I’ve learned a few important things about myself I didn’t know or had forgotten. I had forgotten about my ability to enjoy a nice night in, on the couch, with popcorn. I had eliminated from my mind the happiness it brings me to have no plans for the day and just ‘wing it’. I had forgotten how much I love my dad for recognizing my fake I’m okay. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I had forgotten about my own ability to live my life. I placed the happiness and the joyful moments as a responsibility for others to have. It’s not. It’s mine.

My love, you’re the one person I’ll always want to protect. You’re the reason I endure most pains lately. I picture our talks, years from now, where I’m the ‘voice of reason’ and you’re ‘figuring everything out’ still. You’re giving me strength on a daily basis. I’m protecting my heart using a shield made out of worry and care for you. I hope to God I get to meet you one day.

 Love,

Mom, June 26th 2023

 Ps.- your grandfather just texted me this: “You know I’m your parent, or your father, whatever you wanna call me. I hope you know you can count on me for anything, okay?”

If I ever do anything right as your mother, he’s the reason.