#or it's something he does one night for a special occasion at a drag show

[multishipper-baby]

Since drawing Derek as a bunny boy I've been thinking about that more so uh. Have another horny post rip.

[icycoldninja]

Dating Hisoka headcannons

A/N: Feel a bit confused? Worried, even? Good. You should be afraid, especially if you've managed to date this weirdo.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-First of all, Hisoka has is the biggest ass in the history of asses.

-Do not expect him to be a gentleman unless it's a very special occasion, like your birthday or an incredibly formal event, because this narcissistic mother fucker is anything but.

-He uses all your makeup even though he has plenty of his own, and doesn't even bother buying new ones for you when they run out.

-Never helps you do any housework unless you beg him to.

-Is always commenting on everything you do, from your current outfit to what you decided to cook for dinner. It's upsetting, it's angering, and the as you endure it, it becomes endearing.

-Drags you shopping every weekend and spends hours staring at all the stuff there, probably thinking about which overpriced jar of unnecessary junk he's going to buy.

-You end up having to sneak the items out whenever he's not looking to avoid paying a fortune at checkout.

-Wakes you up in the dead of night just because he can.

-Takes ZERO accountability for his actions and just gaslights you into thinking it's your fault. Whether you fall for his manipulation or not depends on your mental strength.

-Let's you paint his nails and do his hair, though, so that's a plus.

-An additional reward for all your suffering is complete and total access to his body, whenever you want.

-Always smells like bubblegum, but it's unclear whether that's because of his bungee gum (which has the properties of both rubber and gum) or some kind of perfume.

-Is your one stop shop for all the latest tea. This bitch somehow knows exactly what's going on in every corner of the city, especially when it comes to events near or at the public schools and/or playgrounds. Makes you think, where does he go all day?

-You'll never get a clear answer from him because any attempts to confront him end in frustration.

-However, Hisoka's not a dense little cabbage, he knows when he's taken it too far. Should you ever show signs of being deeply negatively affected by him, he'll do something to reassure you, be it through a cozy movie night with just the two of you, or a...rather passionate evening.

-He loves taking you with him on long walks, even if you end up getting lost in the process.

-The longer you date him, the less awful he gets. Whether you've just gotten used to him or he's started truly opening up to you is anyone's guess, but one thing is for sure: no one else gets to see him the way you do.

-Some will say you're a fool for continuing to be with a weirdo like Hisoka, others envy you because they want to steal your man. It doesn't matter, though, you love your idiotic clown and nothing can change that.

[chanswifey]

Seventeen as your boyfriend | Woozi

The cool boyfriend

Like he tries so hard to keep his 'tough-guy-scary-producer-genius' image on the outside

But when he's with you he is the softest boy

I've said this before and I will say it again, this man is very much clingy

Don't get fooled by the disgusted face when presented with pda, that's all an act, baby

And most importantly it's about intimacy

For him, it's just something very special and personal that he likes to keep private

He loves to be hugged and kissed and spoiled. Sometimes he doesn't know how to initiate it but when you see him following you around like a lost puppy or when he comes and gently places his hand on your lower back, that can only mean one thing

He would DIE if the members caught these moments tho, that would begin the endless teasing

But at home or when it's just the two of you in his studio...

He often waits for you to get there when he's working late nights so you two can nap together

And no, he is NOT the big spoon here

He is the one laying on top of you, the one that needs to be hugged to fall asleep

He loves when you play with his hair and when you give him forehead kisses

He is also SUCH a tease

He likes to make you mad just for shits and giggles

Like, he will avoid a hug or wipe a kiss just to mess with you

Regrets it and apologizes really fast when you threaten to leave or give him the silent treatment

His idea of dates is just getting take out and eating on the couch in your pajamas

If you really want him to go out you have to actually tell him

It's not that he doesn't care or doesn't want to make an effort, he's just a bit clueless on this kind of social cues so he needs you to lead the way

He will happily agree to do whatever you want, it is a very rare occasion for him to ask to do something else or nothing at all

And it's usually because he either got caught up on something at work or is just really, really tired

He will make sure to make it up to you later, like getting you breakfast in bed or buying you something you said you wanted

SPOILS YOU SO MUCH!!!

We know he doesn't really care about money but he loves that he can spend it on you

All dates, gifts, traveling tickets, bills, that's all on him

It's like being married-but-not-married

He literally handed you his card one day and refuses to get it back

He can get a bit reclusive sometimes, he's very hard on himself when it comes to his work

So you have to take care of him just as much as he takes care of you

If you don't step up and do something he will refuse to eat or rest for hours

It's a common occurrence for you to order his meals and get them delivered to his studio, or just show up to clean around a bit and drag him out of the computer

"You need to rest your eyes, do you wanna go blind?" You complain to him daily.

"What am I? Your child?" He says teasingly.

"Shut up and come cuddle me, grumpy"

*he then proceeds to fall asleep within 5 seconds*

He's a HUGE show-off

He WILL try to turn you into a gym rat just like him

He will say it's because it's good for your health but deep down he just loves to show off to you

And if you can't make it to the gym he will make sure to send you a gazillion pictures of him flexing because he knows it will turn you into a blushing mess

I do believe he writes songs for you, but he would rarely release those, they are too personal and dear to him

He does it for you, and you only. He knows he's not the best with spoken words so he adds a melody

He will also gift them to you randomly, whenever he needs to say something. It's like saying 'I love you' is not enough and can't contain what he really feels

But in all honesty, as much as you adore and cherish all the songs he has given you, you can feel his love even when he's silent

It's in the way he looks at you, with stars in his eyes. The way his voice softens when he talks to you.

The way he touches you, so gently and carefully as if you're gonna break. The way he hugs you after a stressful day and you can feel the tension leave his body as he exhales.

It's in the way he listens to you, so attentive and interested like every word that comes out of your mouth is poetry and it's in how much he trusts you to share his deepest thoughts and struggles and his weirdest interests

And finally, it's in the way he makes you feel safe, secure, and taken care of.

×××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

2023 © chanswifey — do not repost or translate

author's note: can u tell I'm biased?? Cause I am, I love this man with all my heart it's ridiculous!!! I could talk about him all day and never get bored 🥺🥺🥺 please like and reblog if you like it 💗

mlist | request here | what I write

[happylandvn]

We've had their NSFW alphabet but what about SFW? When you have the time but no pressure! ^^

Clown SFW Alphabet

Very affectionate, though his methods can sometimes be questionable. He'll do classic cuddles, kisses and pet names. But they will also lick half of your face, try to scare you, pick you up randomly and run around with you in their arms, jump into your arms, too, and of course, attempt to tickle you.

Exe

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

The type of friend that drags you around to do questionable things with them and get you into slight trouble. Any friendship with Exe starts with them deciding you have to be their friend now and can't escape.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He does enjoy cuddling. It's probably the only time he's quiet and calm. He likes laying down for it.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Not the settling down type. They can cook a decent meal if you give them a recipe and they know how to do minimal amount of cleaning, but they might try to turn it into some type of game.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He wouldn't.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Crazy enough to say yes if you asked for their hand three hours after meeting if they like you enough.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Depends. He's not very gentle on the surface. But if you're close to him and you're in need of gentleness, he will provide it, both physically and emotionally.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

They do like hugs. They believe a hug a day is how life should be lived. Their hugs knock the air out of you. Sometimes they pick you up.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

When they think the moment is right, whenever that may be.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Incredibly jealous. He will taunt people, try to freak them out, kill or torture them depending on who they are and what they've done.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Wet and sloppy most of the time. Lots of tongue. They can be small gentle on occasion, though. They like kissing you on the mouth and they'll take kisses anywhere on their body.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Not great. He tends to scare them. He gets along well with the brave ones, though.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Clingy. They like waking you up with kisses or small pranks depending on their mood. If it upsets you, they'll make you breakfast as apology.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Cuddly, nsfw, or sometimes full of blood and guts. Depends, really.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

They're a pretty open person. They don't tend to keep secrets. If they don't tell you something, it's probably because you never asked and they never thought to tell you.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

If he likes you, it's hard to anger him. He's a very cheerful, hard to faze person.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He'll remember what you tell him is important, but he might forget other things or remember them only partially.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first meeting, whether it was bad or good. He considers it special regardless.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

They will protect you against anything they believe could be a threat to you. If you're a capable person yourself, they'll be less protective. If someone or something were to cause you harm though, they will feel their wrath. As for themselves, they require emotional protection more than physical.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

A decent amount of effort, though some of them may be questionable. Would you consider a special seat at one of their vivisection shows to be a good present? They'd try to do something extra special for anniversaries and your birthday.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He throws things around carelessly and talks very loudly regardless of where he is.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Pretty preoccupied with his appearance, although his standards can be considered odd. He likes looking colorful and he'll show skin when he wants to be seductive.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

They like how it feels when you trace their horns with your fingers.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Manipulative or sly people. They can't stand that. They'd rather someone state their intentions clearly, including you. Trying to manipulate them is a sure way to make them furious.

Doe

He talks in his sleep.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Although he likes receiving it, it can take a while before he starts showing it himself. And when he does, it tends to be in the form of acts of service. He can show physical or verbal affection, too, but it takes a bit of encouragement.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Quiet and reserved, but one who gives good advice and tries to keep you grounded.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He does like cuddles. You have to gentle with him, though. He doesn't like being held tight or having weight on him.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He thinks the thought of settling down is sweet, but he isn't sure how you might settle down with a demonic clown who cries all the time. He's very good at both cooking and cleaning.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He wouldn't.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Terrified. He's never even thought about marriage. Why would you even want to marry him?

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Very very gentle, like you're a speck of dust, waiting to be blown away by the wind. His touches tend to be feather soft and he always tries to make sure he doesn't upset you in any way.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He does like hugs, but again, not the tight ones. He never initiates them without being asked, but his hugs are gentle, barely there.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He'll only say it after you say it first. But he'll have a bit of a freaking out session before he does so.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He can get quite jealous, even from small things like people touching your waist or paying you too many compliments. He rarely, if ever, voices it, though. He just cries alone and curses his own fate.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Gentle, soft, often just butterfly kisses. If he must pick a place to kiss you, it would be your cheeks. He doesn’t have a particular place where he wants to be kissed. He will be particularly touched and flustered if you kiss away his tears, though.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Awkward. Doesn't really know what to do or say, mostly just stared at them nervously.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He doesn't tend to sleep, so he will be making breakfast for you in the morning. Then he'll serve it to you, hoping you'll like it.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

If he's not watching you sleep and you're awake, he loves nighttime strolls. If you convince him to sleep, he'll scoot over close to you, just an inch away from touching you and try to sleep like that.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He reveals things slowly and with reservation. Some things he'll never reveal at all unless necessary.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

It's near impossible to anger him, but if you manage it, he simply goes quiet and avoids people's gaze.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He tends to remember a lot! Perhaps not every little detail, but most things about you will stay in his memory.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The moment you tell him he's special to you.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Not the most protective out there. He hates conflict and doesn't know how to fight. He'll act like he owes you the moon if you protect him, though.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Once you get him used to the idea of them, he puts in a lot of effort in attempts to not disappoint you. He tries to find out everything you like and then makes sure every gift, date and plan is suitable.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He cries. A lot. About anything and everything. And he runs away from confrontations.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

He'd like to have more of a say in how he looks, but his nature prevents him from changing much.

Yes, pretty likely.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He loves praise. If you want to see him swoon, praise him.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Poor hygiene. He has a bit of an obsession with staying clean and he'll try to get you to stay clean yourself.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

When he does fall asleep, he sleeps very deeply.

[a1ecmcdowell]

taste — john b x pogue!reader!

part of the short n' sweet x obx collection, found here!

ㅤㅤㅤㅤincludes, conniving!reader. exes dynamic. i promise i love sarah cameron.

❛ heard you're back together . . . and if that's true, you'll have to taste me when he's kissin' you! ❜

it’s gotta be some sort of fucking sickness, the way you plague his every thought. he’s infected with the disease that was you — fully contagious, too, with the way that you sashay up to him every day like you know it. 

you’d broken up months ago. months! he’d moved on ( didn’t he? ) and yet every night on the cut, he’s always two natty lites away from clicking on your contact in his phone ( still saved with a heart by your name; maybe he didn’t actually move on ) and telling you to come over. 

stupid, stupid, stupid. he was stupid.

and you knew it, too. you didn’t used to have the balls that you do now. like, walking up to him in the middle of a kegger and planting your red-painted lips on his stubbled cheek? yeah, that’s new. he used to have to physically drag you from the twinkie to go to these things with him — that’s how afraid of showing any sort of pda you used to be. 

and now, here you were. they’d all gathered at john b’s for the weekend get together that had unofficially become a tradition, the thick smell of weed and sweat from the humid summer nights. 

you’d stopped being invited when you and john b broke up.

that didn’t stop jj from texting you to come anyways. he’d learned about your efforts to stir shit between john b and his kook girlfriend, and ever the instigator, he made sure that you were going to be there that night. 

and god, were you there. little black dress, that special pair of boots that you saved for special occasions because you didn’t want to muck them up with dirt or wet sand. you sure as shit didn’t seem to care that they were getting mucked now, as you danced with your arms above your head, a solo cup between your manicured fingers. 

if you couldn’t have him back… well, the least you could do was make him grovel over what he lost. and make sure that his new girlfriend was well aware that there was a past here.

a very warbly past, its surface constantly on the verge of shattering beneath the both of your feet. a couple more pushes, and the tension would give, and the past would start to mingle prettily again with the present. 

john b, of course, didn’t look too happy about your presence. was he ever anymore? you were a constant reminder of how he’d fucked up — something that was accumulating a list. 

you stepped over a couple of thick tree roots in his yard as you all but danced up to him, your hips never stopping their swaying, and the knowing smile never leaving your lips. the kook girlfriend left his side for two seconds to talk with kie about something, and obviously, that was the time to pounce. 

“what the hell are you doing here?” john b asks, exasperation and irritation thick in his voice, deep in the furrow between his brows. 

your head cocks to the side. “i was invited.” 

“jj’s invites don’t count.” 

“they do, because i’m here, aren’t i?” 

that makes his cheek twitch. it always did that when he was pissy; that little twitch to the side, right above his jawbone. how was it fair that you still knew all of these details about him, and he was making every bit of effort to forget all of the details about you?

john b’s eyes rake over you, drinking in the outfit, the styled hair, the smile that you planted firmly on your lips even though you were so angry and bitter on the inside. 

“you shouldn’t be here,” he says, and it sounds like a sigh this time. what authority does he have over you anymore? none. the defeat in his tone makes it evident that he knows it too. 

you’re not deterred. probably even the opposite. your arms lift to drape over his shoulders, pressed up on the toes of your shoes, as you graze your lips ever so slightly against his frowning, plush pink ones. 

the sharp inhale that he takes is evidence enough to you that he does miss you. at least the way you kissed. “i just wanted to drop in… see how happy you are…” 

“don’t do this,” john b whispers, his breath hot on your mouth. he tastes like cheap beer and expensive weed. he always tastes like home. 

so how could you ever resist pressing your mouth firmly against his, capturing that homely taste in between your lips? 

he doesn’t kiss back — not for a few seconds, anyways. and then his hands are sliding down your ribs, circling around the small of your back and dragging you in closer. 

this wasn’t supposed to be for pleasure, though. it was the best sort of punishment that you could conjure up; invoking regret, planting the seeds of it in his happy new relationship. 

you break the kiss, even as he doesn’t let go of you just yet. 

“let me know when you stop screwin’ around with that little kook of yours,” you say finally, softly, with one last peck to his mouth. 

then, you pluck his hands off of your hips and step out of them. it’s easy to not want to look back and see the expression on his face as you walk away, because you know him well enough to know that he is watching. 

sarah cameron steps out of the house with kie; you hear her voice to your right and then a sudden gasp of silence. john b’s probably kissing her, you think, and she’s tasting you on his mouth. 

quite an impression.

support me on patreon!<3

[artemisia-black]

Hii! Do you have Lilypad headcanons?

Lilypad is now one of my top ships for Sirius so I have loads of thoughts.

Despite coming from different worlds, they’ve got this fierce resilience that draws them to each other. They know what it feels like to be the outsider and they both also share a dark, biting sense of humour that strengthens their bond, as they both like to crack jokes as a way of coping. (In my opinion, Harry’s sass is all Lily.)

Sirius is drawn to her intelligence and her ability to challenge him. He’s never been one to look for someone to follow his lead. She’s no pushover, and there’s a bit of danger to her that he finds just as thrilling (he canonically gets shook when she pulls her wand on him). And although Lily is incredibly kind, he knows she’s got a streak of fire beneath the warmth.

Also let’s be real, Lily is a baddie and they are peak bi panic as a couple.

Dates are never predictable with them, but Sirius wants to show her his London, and he likes to take her to hidden gems. But then there are those nights when he likes to pull out all the stops. For special occasions, it’s high-end restaurants and lavish setups, and he’ll even cover her outfit because spoiling her is almost like foreplay for him. Once, he got her a necklace that made her wince with how expensive it was.

Early on, when they’re sharing a few drunken kisses and casual dates, Sirius admits to her that he’s hesitating about this. It isn’t that he doesn’t want something real; it’s his family that holds him back. He knows exactly what they’re capable of, the lengths they’d go to stop him from “polluting” the family bloodline. Part of him thinks it would be better to walk away, avoid dragging her into that mess. But when she looks him straight in the eye and tells him she’d fight every last one of them, that’s the moment he truly falls for her.

He still finds himself fiercely protective of her, but it’s not because he thinks she can’t take care of herself. But she lets him be protective, and for Sirius, there’s something about that balance that feels right—he wouldn’t be drawn to anyone who actually needed saving, but he’s completely captivated by someone who’s dangerous, fiery, and lets him stand beside her anyway.

And Lily, doesn’t just melt for him like everyone else does, and that’s part of what makes her so appealing. He can’t just flash a grin and have his way with her, and that’s refreshing. And when she finally does give in to her attraction, it feels real in a way he’s never quite experienced before.

[makeste]

hey guys, so I’ve finished reading BnHA 342 which was a delight to read, but my reaction post is very, very long and will take some time to edit, so in the meantime I’ve decided to make a separate post just to talk about this one character interaction which I am absolutely obsessed with!

let’s see how long of an analysis I can make about this ONE, SINGLE JOKING REMARK THAT KACCHAN MADE COMPLETELY OFFHANDEDLY.

1. so first off, let’s just cut straight to the heart of the matter: this. is. friendship. no more denial. no more HAH, NO WAY, OF COURSE WE AREN’T FRIENDS NOW WALK BEHIND ME!!! the Kacchan who was too embarrassed and too chuuni to admit that he was friends with Shouto died at Jakku. and the Kacchan who’s been running the show ever since then is someone who openly worries about Shouto (asking about him immediately after waking up in the hospital), unabashedly provides him with emotional support (hand on the shoulder when class 1-A confronted Endeavor), and hangs out with him in his room because he doesn’t want Shouto to be going through all this shit alone.

2. speaking as someone whose own #1 love language is using humor to try and relax people and make them feel comfortable and safe and welcomed and at ease, the fact that Katsuki used a joke as his chosen method of support here brought me SO MUCH JOY I can barely even begin to express it. and it’s not even the first time he’s done this! never forget that one time after Kamino where class 1-A was all bummed after Aizawa told them off for coming to save him, and so he grabbed Kaminari and dragged him into the bushes and made him activate his derp mode in order to ease the tension! and also to distract them so he could quietly pay Kirishima back for the night vision goggles, because that is his OTHER love language (cold hard cash!! nah lol I’m referring to the act of physically, tangibly paying him back; showing his gratitude not just with words but with actions), but yeah. 

my point is, for someone who always seems to be so angry and serious, Kacchan has a sharp sense of humor that he apparently just keeps tucked away under wraps, and dusts off only for rare special occasions like these, and I absolutely LOVE it and I need it to happen WAY MORE OFTEN. there is a very real possibility of me making a compilation post of every single time Kacchan has made a joke and/or actually laughed about something, just because I’m that desperate to know more about this expertly dry wit of his now.

3. getting back to his friendship with Shouto, this next talking point is the one that’s already been done to death (because you know I went and looked up all those 342 tumblr reactions and metas after I read this chapter because I needed to soak up that analysis asap), but nonetheless this post would not be complete without it! so this is very obviously a commentary on the fact that Shouto’s favorite food is cold soba! a fact which is known to every single citizen of the world! in fact this joke even takes that last part into account, since it relies on that fact being common knowledge in order to stick the landing! in a way it’s partially a friendly little dig at Shouto for making his favorite food such an important part of his personality! like, “hmm, so what would be the worst case scenario for Touya. well obviously it would be him liking something other than soba, since we all know that’s a deal-breaker.” basically this joke derives a good 60% of its humor from the fact that Shouto just loves soba THAT damn much. and Kacchan is obviously WELL aware of this fact because, as we all know, he and Shouto are actually best friends.

4. quick side note, this is also a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it callback to chapter 164, which featured this hilarious interchange between Shouto and his OTHER best friend.

thus adding the additional meta layer that Shouto actually does canonically consider people who like udon to be FUNDAMENTALLY INCOMPATIBLE WITH HIM AS PEOPLE lmao. and Katsuki knows this because he was listening in on that whole conversation and bitching about the two of them being total weirdos! but ALSO he was apparently filing notes away in the back of his big hero brain because he loves Todo actually, so yeah. love it when a scene in a newer chapter retroactively makes a scene from an old chapter even better.

5. lest you worry that Kacchan is back to his OLD VILLAINOUS BULLYING WAYS by poking fun at poor sweet innocent Shouto here, let’s now talk about the ways in which this joke is also a sick burn on Touya! because that of course is the other 40% of the joke! if Shouto’s favorite food is soba, then OBVIOUSLY Touya’s favorite food is going to be the complete opposite of that, because Touya is the worst! just the absolute worst. man fuck that guy!

so there are a couple of additional layers to this part. the first is that Katsuki is very much aware of the delicate balance that needs to be struck here. because he genuinely, unironically DOES know Shouto pretty damn well by now, and so he understands how conflicted Shouto is about his brother. and because he’s a good friend, he’s supportive of Shouto’s desire to somehow redeem Touya if at all possible. and so instead of going all in on how Touya is a founding member of the final villains club WHO BRAGGED ABOUT KILLING THIRTY PEOPLE and who also KIDNAPPED HIM THAT ONE TIME, the worst thing that Kacchan accuses him of here is... having a different favorite food than Shouto. this is basically the gentlest, mildest “fuck that guy” that anyone could have possibly given here.

and then the second bonus layer is that Katsuki is very clearly taking Shouto’s side here. that’s the only possible way for this joke to land. the humor works because Katsuki takes the mundane accusation of liking hot udon, and twists it into a sick fucking burn, because ONLY AN UNHINGED LUNATIC WOULD DARE TO LIKE SUCH A COMPLETELY OPPOSITE FOOD FROM COLD SOBA, THE BELOVED FAVORITE FOOD OF TODOROKI SHOUTO. in other words, if you don’t like Todoroki Shouto’s favorite food, then FUCK YOU! Team Soba all the way! so yeah, it has that connotation too, which is actually very sweet.

6. last but not least, I just want to take a moment to gush about how this was all just perfectly executed and timed. Shouto sets him up for it, and Kacchan pounces on the opportunity without hesitation and delivers the perfect response, which immediately relieves some of the quiet tension in the room, and honest to god actually makes Shouto laugh.

sort of! that was a chuckle at least! it counts!! anyways the point is, Katsuki read the room perfectly and understood that Shouto was trying to lighten the mood and didn’t want to have a heavy conversation about all of his feelings right now (which is something that Katsuki understands very well), so he followed Shouto’s lead and met him at that level, while still managing to communicate (1) “I know how conflicted you are about all of this”, (2) “I’ve got your back”, and most importantly, (3) “we are friends, and I care about you and support you in all things, you big soba loving freak.” it’s affectionate, it’s heartwarming, and it’s genuinely funny as hell.

anyway so yeah, that’s my RIDICULOUSLY, UNJUSTIFIABLY LONG post about what has instantly become one of my all time favorite little throwaway BnHA moments, right up there with the legendary “hey Kacchan!” scene. Kacchan being friends with people. Shouto getting some much-deserved love. Iida and Kirishima being there too, and presumably smiling and taking notes and maybe one day they can tell their children about this. that’s what it’s all about folks.

[tubbytarchia]

todays stream..... im watching the vod in 1.5x speed because i forgot to watch. another long one.................................

jim and oli meet up immediately. they go to jimmys graveyard and olis died a bunch and he called himself mrs canary. blond boyfriends is "one night only" and oli said no flower husbands. they started making jokes about closing tumblr and ao3..... blond boyfriends are dead </3 jimmy then says they dont spend their evenings browsing those sites then oli says speak for yourself im mr wattpad

oli says "put on something sexy" for the talent show because both of them forgot to make skins for it. jimmy says hes not putting on the maid one (oli: i will) then oli suggests they both put on maid skins. grrrrr

(oli: why dont you want to be a maid? why dont you want to be a maid? you loved it you had a thumbnail about it and everything, you loved it, you loved it! stop pretending you didnt love it!

jimmy: i only do it on special occasions...... i only wear the maid dress one time on one series....... i cant do it twice........

oli: yeah but this is a different character, this is blond boyfriend jimmy, its like a whole different action figure!

jimmy: right, right, ill put it on.)

then they ask chat to make oli a maid skin since he doesnt have one. specifically with the same face as jimmys (the derpy face) then they realise they need an invisiblity potion for their talent show thing so they go to steal one from pixs furious cocktail machine. they go material gathering for more talent show stuff and split up.

(he kept making spongebob references. i think im going insane)

they meet back up. on the way jimmy goes to sausages house to steal some milk and he sees saus so he stabs him and runs away. oli found a weird pillager looking base in sausages house and shows jimmy to see how he would react to it. (u know how his voice goes when hes lying? Yeah) then after talking for a bit about who they think is a pillager (lizzie) they split up again.

they meet up again and switch skins to their maid ones,,, then they start practising their dance for the talent show. not a lot happens other than flirting and oli theatening to kill himself if they lose. then they head over to the talent show and oli sings a gay little song on the way. he tries to make it sound less gay but it turns into sounding like a one night stand.

they arrive and sausage admires the outifts and asks if they want to work at the tavern later. oli says yes (only if they dont win) and jimmy doesnt say anything about it. they take their seats and jimmy sits in front of scott. hes standing on the back of the stair instead of the front so scott asks him to move so hes not blocking scotts view. jimmy says not my fault im 6 foot so scott hits him and he ends up landing on the back of the seat in front (which is eloises). eloise hits him back. he gets hit around a bit (notably laughing) then scott pulls his sword out and asks out loud how much of a blockage a grave will be. jimmy then shakes his head and goes please no i dont have any armour on :( and scotts like haha i know. then the talent show starts

mog introduces the show and prays for no deaths. first event with no deaths. please. he reads a poem for his pet sweetpea that died. its actually really good but the fact that its about a minecraft bee does make me giggle. the judges are fwhip, eloise, and katherine. not entirely people who hate jimmy.... he has a chance....... how the judging works is the 3 judges have redstone lamps that are ON and if they turn them OFF they dont like the act. if all 3 lamps turn off you have to leave the stage.

first act is shubble :) she makes cat jokes. i think theyre funny. fwhip turns off his lamp and shubble says "quit the catattitude". eloise also turns off her light. she ends her performance with 1 light on!

sausage goes next...... hes doing a play about boat boys. joel audibly sighs in the audience. sausage is wearing an etho skin and drags joel on stage. saus tries to get joel to say he loves etho but joel just goes I LOVE MY WIFE!! lizzies in the audience and she doesnt react at all. "etho" then goes on to say they have a kid together. then it ends with 2 lights on. (technically 1 but katherine turned off eloises light. then eloise turned off fwhips light but he turned it back on.)

then oli and jimmy go!!! fwhip turns off his light almost immediately but they basically just make puppy dog eyes at him until he turns it back on. they start with their dancing and they get the audience to join in. its much more organised than the rehersals. then they go onto the disappearing act. fwhip turned his light off again but eloise and katherine seem to be loving it. jimmy splashes himself with the invisiblity potion (and accidentally catches oli in it) then runs behind the seats and drinks milk. eloise turned her light off too :( but katherine and the audience really like it. they try to do their drowning act but theres a conduit power which makes it less interesting. they end the performance with 1 light on.....

then its mogs turn! hes. racing people. and jumping very high. then he starts flying. i genuinely think hes hacking and i respect the dedication to the bit. then he starts walking on water. i think he ended with all 3 lights on.

judging time....... notable thing is katherine gave oli and jim a 10/10.

IN A SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS. JIMMY AND OLI WON. EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU KATHERINE FOR SABOTAGING MOGS SCORE FOR THE BIT.

1st: oli&jim. 2nd: shubble. 3rd: mog. 4th: saus. fwhip gives jimmy his coin and jim says thanks daddy fwhip. jimmy goes home and is very happy about it :) then he ends........ new sos video saturday and next stream is monday :P

long recap again.... this ones kinda all over the place cuz i was typing while watching. i equally love blond boyfriends and also want oli 100ft away from jimmy at all times

man oh man... the adventures of the blonde boy friends

Ok the maid dress......... I'm not too upset by it because I accept Oli joining in with the maid outfit thing as a valid form of helping Jimmy heal. Not that Oli INTENDS to do that (he's too stupid) but... Him insisting "you loved it! You did!" makes me want to throw up but he's stupid. He's his own fucked up thing who I don't see as participating in the Jimmy "bottom of the food chain" bullying culture. He puts himself down on that food chain alongside Jimmy... unintentionally, still, but. Mmmgh. If it were, say, Sausage instead whototallydoesnthaveamaidkink saying this... It'd be another story and I might just throw myself out the window

Oli's fooling around and I still hate his insistence on Jimmy liking the maid ordeal (and even here, Jimmy is voicing the opposite!! sobs) but then he goes and puts on a maid dress too. It might be unsubstantial fun and jokes for him, but at least Jimmy's not alone on that now in a sense... Even the derpy face is the same... And same with "I'm mrs canary now". It's more "haha we both suck" and less "you suck/I suck almost as bad as you". More affectionate and less derogatory

Oli saying he'll kill himself if they lose kinda sucks because Jimmy frequently gets blamed for failures of groups he's part of, and if not, he might just blame himself and apologize anyway. But at the same time if they did lose, I cannot imagine Oli blaming it on Jimmy. He'd only address it as them both being equally at fault. Shared failure... The bar is really low ok

OF COURSE Sausage is there to admire them OF COURSE Sausage whototallydoesnthaveamaidkink is asking them to work at the tavern. Fuckass sorry I'm gonna hold myself back in case any Sausage fans are reading this. Sorry Sausage fans. I don't hate you ok. and Jimmy not saying anything in response even when Oli said yes... he has trauma guys he has such trauma I cant fucking make this up its right there. This is making me so sad. Jimmy choking up.... Even if he were to voice displeasure he'd just be shot down again. Sausage won't take no for an answer and Oli being Oli would probably encourage Jimmy too. Unfortunately. This sucks

There's something about Joel here too but I actually can't talk about it I'm serious even Tumblr will cancel me

I can't tell you how fucking happy I am that they won though so that 1. Oli doesn't kill himself and 2. They don't have to go work at the tavern as is evident is against Jimmy's wishes anyway. He doesn't have to relive his trauma. Katherine you have no idea what you've done I love you Katherine

Also thank you Jimmy for stabbing Sausage. Deserved

[gravehags]

something something papas and ghouls taking care of you when you’re sick send tweet

primo - herbal remedy king (homemade, naturally) but understands the power of vick’s vaporub. will feed you tinctures and tonics while his weathered hands gently rub the goop on your chest. doesn’t mind when you cough in his face while you sleep.

secondo - #1 pastina maker in the abbey, has his own special recipe. will feed you so much goddamn broth you feel like you’re going to explode but when you open your mouth to object, he simply gives you the Secondo Emeritus Look™️ and you shut right up and pick up your spoon.

terzo - wholly unphased by how gross you look/sound/feel. to him you are always his amore, even as he’s holding your hair and you’re emptying your stomach in the toilet for the fourth time that night. will always make sure you’re hydrated.

copia - the ultimate fussy guy. when you first mention you don’t feel so good he’s already got the thermometer in hand, herding you into the bedroom. he’ll cluck and mutter to himself in italian as he frets over you until you finally tell him to please come to bed, bello, you are wearing a hole in the rug with your pacing.

cumulus - oh lord she’s comin and she’s got the goods. lulu will get her hands on every medication available in the abbey and go over all the symptoms every one helps in order to pick the best one for you. rubs your back soothingly and peppers your face with kisses, regardless of how clammy you are.

cirrus - firmly but gently reassures you that no, you’re not dying it’s just a virus and this does happen to humans on occasion. is the most sensible of the ghouls when you’re sick and like terzo, always holds your hair for you. will strip you down and bathe you all by herself with no complaints.

sunshine - big time cuddler. completely unphased by your grossness and will pull you into her embrace and gently stroke your hair while kissing the top of your head. giggles a little when you thank her in a nasally voice.

aurora - queen of channel surfing. when you get tired of watching the price is right all morning she’ll snag the remote from you and put on a juicy lifetime movie. her commentary makes you laugh so hard you go into coughing fits but improves morale greatly.

swiss - when you show up in his doorway and hoarsely proclaim you don’t feel so good he’s already halfway dragging you to bed. after he gets all your garments off this man is making you a nest to end all nests. you WILL be cozy.

mountain - brings you tea with honey on such a constant rotation you have to beg him to stop or you’ll wet the bed to which he calmly tells you he’ll carry you to the toilet every time if that’s what it takes. cleans up your used tissues with zero bitching.

phantom - this bug is a panicker. he’s relatively new and doesn’t get what the flu is so he automatically assumes you’re dying. you end up comforting him more than the other way around. if you do a sinus rinse he’s at the sink next to you, watching and absolutely fascinated.

rain - the gentlest of all the ghouls when you’re sick. unlike the others, he knows when to give you space to heal and be alone. doesn’t mean he neglects you though - like cirrus will absolutely bathe you with no complaints and get you back in fresh pajamas.

dewdrop - speaking of complaints, this guy will bitch on your behalf til there’s no tomorrow. he’ll hold your giant water bottle up to your mouth, proclaiming how fucked up it is that you’re suffering and he can’t really do anything about it. always validates you and your feelings, even if you are being a little whiny baby.

aether - like secondo, he is making you a hearty soup the instant he hears a sniffle. he’s happy to make grocery store runs for your sick staples and comes home with way more than you’ll ever need. when you’re restless because your illness won’t let you sleep, he slings an arm around your waist to ground you and maybe, just maybe uses a little quintessence magic to lull you to sleep in his arms.

[leiawritesstories]

PART FIVE: MAY

First of all: the biggest, most heartfelt thank you to everyone who has been reading this AU. you have my heart, as angst-loving as it is, and your responses are everything to me :))

Second note: this chapter is ridiculously long, and I do apologize for the insanely long chapters... but also there is SMUT AHEAD!!! if you're not here for sexual content, stop at "Their exit from the archery range" and skip down to "It was May 25" and know that not wanting to read smut does not make any difference and i will always appreciate you reading :) okay I will stop rambling now

Word count: 10.4k (whoops...)

Warnings: swearing, weapons, crime talk, made-up police stuff, badly concealed horniness, fighting, flirting disguised as archery, SO much innuendo, and smut! NSFW!! 

Enjoy!!

Masterlist

Read on AO3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Happy birthday, boss lady!” Elide cheered, pulling the blindfold from Aelin’s eyes with a flourish. “You can’t run back to your apartment now, so sit on down and enjoy a dinner that you aren’t paying for.” 

“You’re the worst best friend, El,” Aelin complained, but she was beaming. “I thought I specifically told you nothing over-the-top.”

Elide shrugged. “You don’t turn twenty-seven every day, Ae, and it’s about damn time you took an evening off. Plus, Aedion would be griping all night if he got dragged out of work for you not to show up.” She wrapped her arms around the taller woman. “Happy birthday.” 

“Fine, fine.” Aelin hugged her second-in-command fiercely. “Thanks, El.” 

Gavriel was next in line, his hug stealing her breath. “Happy birthday, Aelin. Though I think I’m the one who deserves a present for getting my son here.” 

She snickered. “I’ll buy you a drink or something. Thank you for being here.” 

“Anytime.” He flashed her a cunning little grin. “I’d never miss a chance to see my beautiful, sharp-witted niece turn my best lieutenant into a tongue-tied mess.” 

“Gav!” She swatted his shoulder. “You’re more meddling than Elide, Lys, and Ansel all together, I swear.” He just smirked and returned to his seat, leaving her to be swallowed up by Aedion’s embrace. 

“I don’t think I’ve seen you without your lab coat in years, Aedy,” she teased. 

“Shut up,” he grumbled. “It’s a special occasion.” 

“Mhmmm,” she hummed, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at Lysandra. 

Aedion blushed an endearing shade of pink. “So what if we happen to sit next to each other? It’s a private party, little miss birthday girl.”

“Not that private,” she snickered, dodging his outraged squawk and smack. “Love you too, Aeds.” 

“You’re the worst.” He groaned, but he was grinning. 

Lysandra raised a perfectly threaded brow. “Do I want to know what that was about?” 

“You’ll find out soon enough.” Aelin smirked. “What? My birthday present can be you and Aedy fu—” 

“No!” Lys clapped her hand over Aelin’s mouth. “If you get to say things like that, then I get to ask you when you and Whitethorn are going to bang. If you haven’t already.” It was her turn to wiggle her eyebrows. 

Aelin’s face heated. “Pretend I never said anything.” 

“That’s my birthday bad bitch.” Lys adjusted one of Aelin’s curls. “Now go say hi to the man who hasn’t taken his smitten eyes off you since you walked in here in a dress to bring him to his knees.” She patted Aelin’s ass as she walked away. 

Aelin breathed deeply, closing her eyes for a few seconds. 

“Done with the party already?” Rowan’s voice broke her out of her snatch of silence. “We can probably sneak out the staff door.” 

“Don’t tempt me,” she replied, finally meeting his appreciative gaze. “Hi, Ro.” 

“Hi.” His eyes trailed down her body, admiration lighting his face at the way her tailored gold sheath dress molded to every angle and curve of her frame. “That is one hell of a dress, Ae.” 

“Thanks.” Just to tease him, she did a slow spin, reveling in his sharp gasp as he drank in the deep V-cut of the back that highlighted the ink flowing down her spine. 

“I didn’t know you had a spine piece,” he said in a soft, gravelly rasp. 

A dangerously lazy smile curved across her maroon-stained lips. “I keep it hidden while I’m at work. Professionalism and all that.” 

“Oh, you mean the fire-breathing dragon screaming up your spine isn’t professional?” He chuckled. “It’s…incredible. Where’d you get it done?” 

“I know a guy,” she said, deliberately cryptic. 

He bit back a sigh. “Does this guy have a name and a place of work?” 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to arrest my tattoo artist for touching my back with my full consent while he did my tattoo.” 

“I’m not.” A grin flashed across his face. “I’m just going to make him squirm a little.” 

She chuckled. “You’re impossible. How about we make a deal? You overlook the simple reality that someone had to give me this tattoo, and you can see how lovely of a contrast it makes with my sheets.” 

Rowan inhaled sharply, dark flames smoldering in his eyes. “The tattoo, or that dress?” 

“I prefer not to wear clothes when I’m in my bed.” She smirked. “Don’t just stand there gasping like a fish, Ro. Escort me to dinner like the gentleman Uncle Gav thinks you are.” 

“I think you’ll find that I’m not much of a gentleman, Ae.” His hand landed on the small of her back, its heat rippling deliciously up her spine. 

“Good.” She lowered her voice to a whisper only he could hear. “Because I like it rough.” 

~

Aelin barely had a chance to say goodbye to everyone after the absolutely delicious dinner, because Lysandra, Ansel, and Elide clustered around her as soon as she left the bathroom, shepherding her out the door and down the street. She only managed to wave to Rowan as she left, certain that she’d find more than one message from him waiting on her phone when she was able to look at it. 

With Elide on one arm and Ansel on the other, Aelin found herself squeezed into an inescapable sandwich of her closest girls, and although she pretended to groan when Lysandra, three steps ahead, pulled open the door to the Vaults, a popular bar, she was beaming. 

“Do you really think it’s the best idea to get drunk on a Tuesday?” she called over the thumping beat of the music pouring through the surround-sound speaker system. 

Lys rolled her eyes. “It’s your birthday, bitch! You can decide tomorrow is a remote workday!” 

“Shots!” Elide squealed, flagging down the closest bartender and rapidly ordering a whole string of drinks. “I’ve got this round, ladies.” 

“I’m scared,” Aelin teased, sliding into the closest open booth. “If Ells is buying, I might just pass out now.” 

“Fuck off,” Elide laughed, smacking Aelin’s shoulder. “We both know you’re only going to drink enough to get yourself ready to go jump on Whitethorn’s di—”

“Stop!” Aelin squawked, clamping her hand over Elide’s mouth. She composed herself and winked wickedly at the petite woman. “I don’t need liquid courage to do that, Ells.” 

“My gods, you are the worst.” Ansel groaned dramatically. “Add that to the list of things your lawyer should never hear.” 

“Thought you weren’t my lawyer for tonight,” Aelin shot back, grinning. 

The redhead laughed. “Fair enough. Ooh, the drinks are here!” She took the tray from the bartender and passed the cocktails and shot glasses around the table. “Cheers, birthday girl!” 

Aelin clinked her shot with the girls and tossed it back effortlessly, only grimacing a little bit at the burn of straight vodka. “Fuck, El! A little warning next time?” 

Elide snickered gleefully. “Why?” The song changed, and she perked up, clapping. “I love this song!” She took a long pull of her cocktail, draining nearly half of it, and grabbed Aelin’s hand. “Come on, birthday bitch! We’re dancing!” She tugged Aelin out onto the crowded dancefloor without waiting for her to protest. 

“You’re lucky I have alcohol in me,” Aelin giggled as she wedged herself into the sea of swaying bodies next to Elide. “God, I missed being able to do this.” 

“All the more reason to—ah shit. Behind you, Ae.”

“What?” Aelin turned, following Elide’s dark brown glare, and found, to her unpleasant surprise, a rather drunk Sam Cortland less than two feet away. Burning hell.

“Hey,” Sam called over the music, surprisingly coherent for the glassiness of his eyes. “Wasn’t expecting to see you here.” 

“Because the stick up my ass is too big?” Aelin asked sweetly. 

Sam coughed. “Well, um, because you—because it’s a Tuesday?” 

“Liar.” She snorted. “A woman is allowed to go out on her birthday, y’know.” 

“Happy bir’day,” he offered, trying his best to disguise his sneer. 

“I’d say thanks, but you don’t really deserve my manners.” She flashed him an angelically sweet grin. “Fuck off, Cortland.” 

“Bitch,” he grunted.

Aelin’s eyes flashed with a dangerous gleam. “What was that?” 

Elide grabbed her arm. “Don’t you fucking dare,” she hissed, her command cutting through Aelin’s alcohol-loosened fury. “He’s not worth it, and you’re Aelin right now.” 

Aelin blinked, snapping herself out of the thoughts of violence. “Right. Okay.” She turned her back to Sam—who had wisely chosen to slither away, hopefully leaving the bar—just in time for Ansel and Lys to appear with more shots, these ones electric blue. 

“Cheers!” Lys yelled, tapping her small glass to Aelin’s and throwing back the shot. Aelin laughed and followed suit, exhaling sharply at the strength of the tiny glass of alcohol. 

“Lyssie, if I’m hungover tomorrow, I’m blaming you!” 

“Oh, calm down,” Lys snickered. “It won’t knock you out.” 

Aelin snorted in disbelief, then caught Lys’s arm before she could head back to the bar. “It’s our song, Lys! C’mon, dance!” 

Lys laughed and jumped into the knot of dancers, shaking her hips the way she used to back in college when she and Aelin would hit five different bars a night on the weekends. “Still got it!” 

After so many songs that Aelin’s feet were starting to cramp, the women finally half-stumbled off the dance floor and headed out of the bar, gulping down the fresh night air as they stepped out into the street. 

“Fuck, it gets so stuffy in there,” Aelin complained. She shivered. “And it’s cold!” 

“It is not, you little wimp,” Ansel said, poking Aelin in the side. “You just wish that man of yours was here to whip his jacket around you like a gentleman.” 

“Mmm, I wouldn’t mind that,” Aelin hummed, smirking wickedly. “You know what happens after a man gives you his jacket.” 

“You are the worst.” Ansel shoved her lightly. “Again, things you should never fucking ever tell your lawyer: whose bones you plan to jump.” 

“If I make it home,” Aelin grumbled. 

“You ladies need a ride home?” Out of nowhere, Sam Cortland appeared in front of them, his eyes still glassy with alcohol haze and an oily smirk painted across his face. 

“Fuck off, Cortland,” Elide retorted, folding her arms across her chest. “You aren’t anywhere near fit to drive, anyway.” 

“And I wouldn’t willingly get into a car with you if it was the last option on Earth,” Aelin added.

Sam scowled. “Have it your way, then.” He stalked off, heading down the nearby alley. “Fuckin’ whore,” he muttered, thinking he was far enough away for her not to hear.

She heard. And she followed him, her heels clicking with dangerous precision against the sidewalk. “Want to repeat that, scumbag?” 

He stopped, whirled around, and apparently decided he had a death wish. “I said, you’re a fucking whore.” 

Her fist smashed into his smug little grin with an immensely satisfying crunch. “Take that, you sleazy bastard,” she growled.

Sam screeched, pressed his hands into his rapidly swelling face, and moaned pitifully. “You bit–”

She kneed him in the groin, and when he doubled over, whimpering, she slammed her knee into the side of his head. His eyes rolled back, and he slumped to the ground, unconscious. She and Elide—who had followed her, of course— maneuvered his limp, unresisting body into the shadows of the alley and left him there.

“No, Aelin, you can’t kill him yet,” Elide reminded her, catching the taller woman’s wrist. 

Aelin sighed dramatically. “But it’s my birthday!”

“So what?” 

“So no murder in plain sight.” Ansel cut in.

“You’re no fun,” Aelin sighed. “Fine.” She delivered one last kick to Sam’s groin. “I wonder if he felt that.” 

Elide snorted. “And this is where I drag you off before you ruin your life by being hauled off to jail on your birthday.” Wrapping one arm around Aelin’s waist, she directed her back onto the sidewalk and away from the shadowy alleyway. “How about we finish the night at your place?” 

Aelin perked up. “I’ll make margaritas!” 

She was ordering an Uber before Elide could protest that they’d all already drunk half their body mass in alcohol that night. 

Just birthday girl things. 

~

Kaltain Rompier tapped her black acrylic nails against her iPad screen, idly waiting for the guy who���d texted her last night (after weeks of absolute silence) to show up. He said he’d be there right at eleven, and it was almost at the point where she was about to leave. 

“Shit, sorry I’m late.” Sam Cortland dropped into the seat opposite hers as her office door closed with a soft click. “Didn’t get out of the damn meeting until ten minutes ago.” 

“Mhmm, right, I forgot how important you businessmen were.” Her reply was acerbic. 

He sighed, sheepish. “I’m really sorry, Kal.” 

“How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?” She picked up her stylus pencil and tapped it against the blank screen. “You’re here to give me a story, Cortland.” She glanced at him, noticing for the first time since he’d rushed into her office that he looked a good deal worse for wear. “Does your story have anything to do with the fact that you look like shit?” 

“It’s because Aelin fucking punched me,” he griped. 

Kaltain’s brows shot up. “Aelin…Galathynius?”

“Yeah.” Sam scoffed. “Dressed up like a fuckin’ slut last night. I ran into her at a bar; she was out with some people I didn’t recognize, and when I tried to buy her a drink, she laughed in my face.” 

“Laughing doesn’t leave black eyes, Cortland,” Kaltain returned dryly. 

“I haven’t got to the part where she punched me.” He scowled, the aggrieved expression drawing attention to the vivid bruising encircling his right eye and the scattered smaller bruises and little flecks of scratches on his face. “I left the damn bar before she did, ended up taking a call outside the place, and I was there when she and her friends left, all drunk and stumbling. So I did what any decent guy would do and offered to drive them home, and Aelin punched me in the goddamn face.” He was practically raving by the end of his little rant. 

“You offered to drive Aelin Galathynius home?” Kaltain repeated, stylus flying over her iPad as she took notes. She chuckled. “Cortland, the woman probably has more than one driver. Not to mention that by all accounts, she’s so not interested in you that she bought your company.” 

He shrugged. “Sounds like interest to me.”

“Yeah, for her bank account,” she snorted. “Anything else for the story, Cortland?” 

“Just that I woke up in a goddamn alley like this.” His frown dug a deep groove between his eyebrows. “That bitch.” 

“If you don’t have anything else for the story, get the hell out.” Kaltain set down her stylus, got up, and opened the door. “We’re not spending any more time together, or did you not mean it that way?” Her saccharine smile made Sam cringe. 

“Kal–I–I didn’t–”

“Yes you did.” She pointed out into the hallway. “You’ve given me a good story, Cortland. Now get your fancy little ass back to Daddy’s office.” Pissed, Sam roughly stood up and stalked out of her office, muttering something about stupid bitch under his breath. 

She almost pitied the man. Someday, his misogyny would get him into a tight little corner that he couldn’t crawl his way out of. But there was a column waiting to be written—a particularly sordid one, just what the public was craving—and she couldn’t let his chauvinism get in the way of her job. 

The article dropped late that afternoon, and Kaltain came into work the next morning still grinning, still riding the high of an instantly viral article. Maybe being a gossip columnist wasn’t always the most rewarding job, but the times when she got to see her work splashed all over the internet were…euphoric. The short hallway leading to her office was quiet, as usual, and she was buried so far in the notifications she hadn’t read that she didn’t notice that the whole floor was also quiet. 

Only when she strolled into her office and dropped her shoulder bag into someone else’s lap did she realize that she wasn’t alone. 

“Good morning, Miss Rompier.” The voice was female, throaty, slightly raspy, and utterly devoid of pleasantry. 

Slowly, Kaltain dragged her gaze from her desk to the lean, masked and hooded, black-clad figure lounging in the other chair, black combat boots propped carelessly on the low bookshelf beside the desk. “What is this? Who are you?” Instinctively, she reached for her belt, where she always kept a tiny can of pepper spray. 

“Not so fast, Miss Rompier.” The masked woman lifted her chin, and Kaltain felt a hard, heavy hand close around her wrists in a vice-like grip. “We’re going to have a little chat about the article you just posted.” 

“I–” Before Kaltain could protest, a needle pricked at the back of her neck, and everything faded to black. 

~

She awoke in a dimly lit room that smelled faintly of mildew, sitting in a wooden chair with her hands bound behind her back. Her head throbbed, her neck was stiff, and her heartbeat raced with adrenaline and terror. Where the hell was she?

“Good to see you awake, Miss Rompier.” The woman who’d had her drugged and kidnapped sat across from her, the dim overhead light throwing shadows across her still-masked face. 

“Who the hell are you?” Kaltain snapped. 

The woman chuckled softly, a lethal, raspy breath that sent ominous shivers down Kaltain’s spine. “My name is Celaena.” 

Fuck. “And why do you give a shit if one of those filthy rich people you supposedly hate is featured in one of my columns, Celaena?” 

“Because it’s not time for that quite yet.” Celaena clicked her tongue. “Don’t ask questions you don’t actually want answered, Miss Rompier. Aelin Galathynius needs to stay out of the tabloids for now, but…” She trailed off, absentmindedly dancing a throwing star across her gloved knuckles. “But I rather liked how you didn’t hesitate to drag her through the muck.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Kaltain shot back, feeling defensive.

“It means that when it’s time, I want you to publish every dirty little detail that I send you.” 

Kaltain narrowed her eyes, still suspicious. “You’re taking down Galathynius?” 

Celaena shrugged. “Again, don’t ask questions you don’t want answered. The wrong things could get you killed, Miss Rompier.” She leaned in close enough for Kaltain to see the glint of steel hiding beneath her sleeves. “I wasn’t planning to kill you, but I’m not afraid to do it.” 

“You–you’ll send me everything you want published?”

“Every single sordid detail.” 

Slowly, Kaltain nodded. “Alright. What do you want me to do now?” 

~

“All of them?” Rowan dropped his blue-light glasses on his desk and pinched the bridge of his nose in a feeble attempt to stave off the headache. 

“All of them, sir,” Luca confirmed. “Three years of tabloid history wiped clean, and it appears that practically every mention of the recent Galathynius article is being scrubbed from the internet.” 

“How the fuck is that happening?” Rowan demanded. “The damn column should have left such a large footprint by now that we’d be able to find it even though the original publisher took it down.” 

Luca chewed his lower lip. “I…I don’t know, sir.” 

Rowan swore viciously under his breath. “Get me Kaltain Rompier’s address, Luca.” 

“One sec.” Luca rapidly typed something into his laptop, then scribbled down a few words on a plain yellow sticky note. “Here you go.” 

“Thanks.” Rowan grabbed the note, threw his jacket over his shoulder, snatched his keys from the wall, and strode out to the garage. His mind was whirling with a hundred different theories about why the viral gossip article about Aelin Galathynius’s recent, rather colorful, night out had abruptly vanished from the internet, along with the last three years of the columnist’s history. 

Half-baked ideas churned through his brain with dizzying speed, and Kaltain Rompier was a crucial part of all of them. 

Within twenty minutes, he had pulled up to the building where Kaltain worked, parked in a visitor spot, and made sure his badge was easily visible. He strode into the office, took the elevator to the floor where her tabloid was located, and pushed open the front doors with little effort. 

“I’d like a few minutes to speak to Kaltain, please,” he said to the young woman at the front desk. 

The young woman’s huge blue eyes grew wider, and her hand trembled as she pointed wordlessly down the hall. “Th–that way, Officer.” 

“Thank you.” He knew he was being a dick, but he headed away without saying anything else. 

Kaltain Rompier was sitting at her desk typing away on her laptop when he knocked twice at the half-open door and let himself in. 

She muffled a shriek, hands flying to her throat. “What the hell?!” 

Rowan raised his empty hands in a show of approachability. “Kaltain Rompier?” 

The columnist slowly sank back into her seat. “That’s me.” She eyed him suspiciously. “Are you going to tell me why the goddamn cops are here?” 

“It’s just me.” He sat down in the chair opposite hers. “I have a couple of questions about your most recent article, if you don’t mind.” 

Her expression shuttered. “I took it down, Mr…what should I call you?” 

“‘Lieutenant’ is fine. I’m not police, I’m TSF.” 

She nodded. “I took down the article, Lieutenant.” 

“Why?” He leaned slightly forward, waiting for an answer to the question that had plagued him ever since PD had received notice that Kaltain had gone missing. That was five days ago. He’d feared that there would be another victim in the never-ending string of homicides, but she was sitting there in front of him, alive and well if a little shaken from his sudden appearance in her office. 

“It was…” Kaltain sighed. “I’m a gossip columnist, Lieutenant, which means that my job is to dig up people’s dirty little secrets and make them public. I’ve never seen the true ugliness of it until I wrote that piece on Aelin Galathynius and instantly hated myself.” 

Rowan blinked. “You wrote a tabloid article on Aelin Galathynius, based on whatever source you could find, and that made you…guilty?” 

“It made me realize how awful the tabloid industry is,” Kaltain murmured. “It’s not like I haven’t seen the tabloids about Ms. Galathynius that have floated around, but she’s so…so highly regarded, and the tabloids have always been obviously contrived. What I wrote…it wasn’t.” 

“What was your source?” 

“Sam Cortland,” she admitted. 

Rowan froze, pieces clicking together before his eyes. “Who?”

“Sam Cortland of Cortland Advertising,” Kaltain repeated, a tinge of bitterness clouding her tone. “He showed up at my office with a hell of a black eye and a hell of a story, and I wrote and sold it without even thinking until it was done.” 

“I see.” Closing his notepad, Rowan stood up. “Will you still be working here, or are you going to seek something else?” 

“I’m trying to get a real journalist job,” the columnist replied. “I just…I don’t want to feel grimy like this all the time anymore.” 

Rowan nodded. “Well, best of luck.” He moved towards the door. “One more thing. You were missing for several days, Miss Rompier. Why was that?” 

“Family emergency,” she admitted, a haunted look flickering through her eyes. “I had a friend drive me to the airport. Didn’t trust myself to drive safely.” 

“My apologies.” Rowan stepped out into the hallway. “Thanks for letting me drop in on you, Miss Rompier, and good luck with your job search.” With that, he left the office, got back in his cruiser, and headed back to PD with a whole new chunk of information ready to add to his theory. 

Sam Cortland. 

As much as Rowan wanted to deny the ease of the truth, it made so much sense. Cortland was a petty, unhappy little man who hadn’t taken well to Gal Inc. acquiring his family’s company, and while his father, the elder Cortland and current CEO of Cortland Advertising, was adjusted to the merger, Sam was not. Apparently, he’d deemed it best to go after Aelin like a jilted ex-lover–straight to the tabloids–in a vain attempt to see her thrown out of power and popularity. 

It didn’t entirely explain why Kaltain (or someone else) had scrubbed the internet clean of all traces of her article, but it was a start. And if he was correct, Kaltain’s “family emergency” hadn’t been an emergency at all, but an intervention from a certain unseen criminal–the barely-noticeable needle mark on the side of her neck spoke of something other than running to the airport at the last minute.  

It seemed that Celaena Sardothien had something to gain from Aelin’s current status, and she wasn’t afraid to resort to violence to keep her schemes running. 

~

Aelin swept one final gaze over her reflection in the full-length mirror mounted on the far wall of her expansive walk-in closet and nodded in satisfaction. Her dress–a casual but classy cap-sleeved sheath of powder-green linen that was perfect for the balmy spring evening–flowed gracefully down the lines and curves of her figure, her light makeup masked the dark shadows smeared beneath her eyes, and her hair was half-up in a wooden clip, the rest cascading in tamed waves down her back. Beige, wedge-heeled sandals added a few extra inches to her height (and cleverly concealed a pair of flat little knives), and a matching beige handbag completed the look. 

If she’d agonized over every little detail of this outfit and this night for the last two weeks, it was only because she wanted to properly impress the man who should be about to knock on her door. It had nothing whatsoever to do with the increasingly filthy dreams she’d been having–featuring that very man–nor what she did when she awoke from those dreams. 

As if her wandering thoughts had summoned the man, he knocked three times on her door, three firm, authoritative thuds of his fist against the thick, lacquered oak front door, and—though she would never admit it—the scrap of lace between her thighs dampened. 

“You aren’t working right now, Lieutenant,” she teased as she opened the door, a grin unfolding across her face as she watched his face flicker through shock, nervousness, and anticipation. 

“You’ll forgive me if it’s hard to get out of the work habits, Miss CEO,” he returned, emerald eyes glinting with humor. 

“Fair enough.” She stepped backwards into her apartment. “Welcome to my humble dwelling, Rowan.” 

“Humble,” he echoed, both incredulous and teasing. “This place’s rent probably costs more than my mortgage.” 

Aelin flashed him a grin. “What good is my career if I can’t afford a comfortable place to live and still have some left to donate?” 

“You donate?” 

“I thought we’d established you weren’t working, Ro.” 

He chuckled. “I’m…call it a first-date question or something. I didn’t expect you to say that.” 

“Not many do,” she admitted, shifting her gaze out the window, where Orynth’s skyline was washed in gold and copper by the setting sun. “But nothing gives me more genuine pleasure than seeing the faces of every child who gets to go to school because I make more money than I can possibly spend.” 

“You set up a foundation?” 

“Have you heard of the Fireheart Foundation?” 

Rowan’s face slackened in appreciative shock. “That’s you?” 

“Well, my parents started it—‘Fireheart’ was Dad’s nickname for Mom—and I continue their legacy.” A soft flush crept up her cheeks, heating her face. “It’s not that big of a deal, Ro.” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “And you distracted me so much that it’s after seven-thirty.”

“Hmm, we’d better get going, then. And by the way, it is a big deal, but I won’t bother you with that if you don’t want me to.” Easily, naturally, he laced his fingers with hers, and led her out into the hall, waiting for her to lock her door. “Close your eyes, Ae.” 

“In my building?” 

“Fine, as soon as we get to the car.” He pretended to sigh at her good-natured giggle. 

As she clicked her seatbelt into place, she snickered. “Is it bad that I’m thinking this is some elaborate scheme to kidnap me?” 

“I’m offended!” he gasped, mock-theatrical. “I’m the guy who rescues you from the big bad kidnapper, Ae, not the big bad kidnapper himself.” 

“You can be the big bad something else,” she mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear. 

He spluttered out a cough, his tan cheeks flaring scarlet. “Aelin!” 

She just smirked. “You heard me, darling.” 

“Dinner first,” he grunted, his voice more raspy than he probably intended. He managed to compose himself, and he shot her a blazingly hot gaze in the rearview mirror as he backed out of the parking garage and drove into downtown Orynth. “Then I’ll give you big bad something.” 

“We’ll see about that,” she purred, her voice like silk and sin. Then she closed her eyes, smothering a wicked little chuckle that rose in her at his frustrated, half-strangled exhale. 

About thirty minutes later, he stopped. “Open your eyes, Ae.” 

She did. “East Orynth Sporting Range? Are you sure this isn’t a kidnapping scheme, Lieutenant?” 

“Funny,” he deadpanned, hurrying around the car to open her door for her. “Have you ever done archery before, Miss Galathynius?” 

“Drop the title, Lieutenant, and yes. I took lessons when I was younger—you know, like a good little rich girl.” 

“Let’s see how well this good little rich girl can still shoot, then,” he murmured, the low rumble of his words dancing deliciously down her spine. 

“If I miss every target, I’m blaming the lack of flexibility…in the bow, of course.” She laughed softly at his muted blush. “Maybe you’ll have to come stand behind me and guide my position.” 

“Oh, I’ll guide your position, alright,” he agreed, the simmering heat of his gaze searing right through the soft linen of her dress. 

“Only if necessary,” she said, taking his hand as they walked up to the entrance. Like the gentleman he was, he held the door open for her. “Thank you, Ro.” 

“Anytime.” He strolled up to the check-in desk and waved at the middle-aged woman sitting at the counter. “Hey, Philippa!” 

The woman’s kind face split into a crinkled, joyful smile. “Rowan Whitethorn! I haven’t seen you in years, you little troublemaker!” 

“He’s a grown-up troublemaker now,” Aelin joked. 

Philippa’s smile widened as she took in Aelin’s appearance and closeness to Rowan. “And who might this be, Rowan? She’s far out of your league, that I can tell.” 

“This is Miss Aelin Galathynius,” Rowan said. 

Philippa reached across the counter and squeezed Aelin’s hands. “Lovely to meet you.” 

“The pleasure is all mine.” Aelin beamed at the maternal-looking woman. “Tell me, has Rowan really been coming here since he was a mischievous little scamp?” 

“I still remember him being dragged away from the rock wall,” Philippa said, eyes twinkling. 

Rowan sighed. “I suppose I’ll just go to the range while you spill all my life’s secrets, hmm?” 

“I would never miss a chance to show off my little-rich-girl tricks,” Aelin returned. “Shall we?” 

Philippa passed a clipboard across the desk. “Sign this, both of you, and then go on ahead. Rowan, you can show Miss Aelin everything; you know where it all is.” 

Aelin signed and passed Rowan the clipboard, and he signed and handed it back to Philippa. “I’d be happy to. Thanks, Philippa.” 

“Enjoy!” the older woman called, waving as the pair headed for the equipment room. 

Rowan’s hand shifted to the small of Aelin’s back. “We have the range to ourselves for an hour; I convinced Philippa to let us in during what’s usually janitorial hours. Don’t worry, they don’t actually clean right now. They just use it as a built-in break.” 

“How clever,” Aelin mused. “I…oh, wow!” She turned in a slow circle, sweeping her eyes over every piece of equipment that lined the neatly organized racks and walls of the equipment room. “Why didn’t my parents send me here?” 

“Too afraid you’d never leave?” Rowan teased. 

She swatted his shoulder playfully. “You think you’re so funny.” 

“We’ll see who’s laughing when you shoot the floor.” His eyes glittered with challenge. 

Aelin cracked her knuckles. “Bring it on, Robin Hood.” She perused the racks of bows, testing a few before settling on a lightweight but sturdy fiberglass recurve bow. She slung a quiver of the range’s standard blunt practice arrows over her shoulder and joined Rowan, quelling the surge of lust that flared between her legs at the sight of him with a bow slung over his shoulder. 

“Satisfied with your choice, Ae?” 

“Unless it performs poorly, I am.” She winked, dropping her gaze for a brief moment. 

“I’ll show you poor performance,” he all but growled, leading the way into the range. 

The expansive, high-ceilinged space stretched from one end of the long building to the other, with several rows of targets lined up at various distances across the turf-floored expanse. There were lines of chalk painted onto the turf, indicating where archers of different ages and heights should stand. Overhead fans blew with a low mechanical whirr, circulating the faint odor of leather and resin through the air. 

Confidently, Rowan took a stance at one of the white lines, nocked an arrow, aimed his bow, took a breath, and released the arrow on the exhale. It sliced cleanly through the air and embedded itself in the tiny red bulls-eye of one of the mid-distance targets. 

Aelin whistled. “Impressive.” She took her own stance three spaces away from him. “I’d tell you what that sight did to me, but then we’d never make it out of here.” 

His next shot, which he’d been releasing as she spoke, shuddered and went wide, landing in an outer ring of the target. “Distraction is a cheap trick, Ae.” 

“Who said this was a competition?” With a sweet smile, she shook out her arms and legs, planted her feet in a stance that her muscles had never fully forgotten—hell, who was she kidding? She’d maintained that skill, and it had come in handy more than once as she built the Boss’s empire—fitted an arrow to the taut string of her bow, aimed, and let it fly. The arrow whistled through the air and thudded cleanly into her target, exactly where she had aimed. 

“Maybe it really has been too long,” Rowan teased, amusement crinkling the corners of his eyes as he looked at where her arrow had landed. 

Smack dab in the middle of the wooden crossbeam from which the target hung. 

“Aim a little lower next time, love,” he said, low and slow. 

“Wouldn’t you like that,” she returned, a slow smirk curling her lips. She nocked another arrow and aimed again, fired on the exhale, and sent the arrow slicing straight into the bulls-eye of the target in the row behind the one she’d just shot into. 

Rowan whistled in admiration. “How about a contest, Ae? A real one?” She raised her eyebrows in interest, and he continued. “We take turns picking targets, the one who’s closest gets the point, and whoever has more points at the end wins.” 

“And what’s the prize?” 

“Loser buys dinner.” 

“That’s boring.” Her eyes sparkled with eager challenge. “If you win, you get to see what’s under this dress. Or not under it.” 

He inhaled and exhaled slowly. Very slowly. “If you win, I’ll show you what you missed when you left me hard and leaking in that damn hallway at your gala.” 

“Deal.” She held out her hand, he clasped it, and they shook hands, the warm heaviness of their contest settling between them with no small amount of tension. “You are going down, darling.” 

“If I’m lucky, that’ll only be the beginning.” He smirked at her soft gasp. “Can’t wait to hear that sound again, love.” 

“You wish.” She rolled her shoulders. “First target: the bulls-eye of that second-to-last target.” In one fluid motion, she nocked, aimed, and fired, and her arrow speared clean through the bulls-eye she’d pointed at. 

Rowan whistled. “Haven’t practiced archery since you were a kid, my ass.” 

“You do have a rather fine one,” she said lightly, snickering at his flustered cough. 

“If you’re trying to distract me, try again.” Confidently—and dear god, the things that confidence did to her—he fired an arrow, sending it into the exact same spot she had hit. “Looks like it’s my turn to pick a target.” 

“Choose wisely.” 

His smirk was edged with something wild and challenging and deliciously dangerous. “Bottom left corner of the target at the hundred-meter line. Not the outer ring, the bottom left corner.” He rolled his shoulders, carefully aimed, exhaled, and released his arrow. It sang through the air and embedded into the lower left corner of the farthest target with a muted thunk. 

“Impressive,” Aelin hummed. Narrowing her eyes, she carefully aimed, ignoring the sights on the bow and using her instinct to push her bow just a fraction to the right. 

“You sure about that position?” Without warning, Rowan stepped up behind her and settled his hands onto her hips. “Looks like you’re aiming too far right, darling.” 

She stifled the delightful tremor that shuddered through her at his closeness. “I know the path of my shots, Lieutenant.” With a bright smile, she loosed her arrow, which whistled through the air and cleanly skewered the lower left corner of the hundred-meter-away target, a good inch and a half closer to the juncture of the corner than his shot had been. 

He inhaled sharply and stepped back just a smidge, but not before she’d felt the thick, hard evidence of what her shot had done to him. “I’ll have to pick a more difficult target,” he said, though there was no small amount of admiration in his voice. “Your turn.” 

Aelin swept her gaze around the range, a wicked grin lifting her lips as she settled on a target. “See that target hanging up on the far wall?” 

“Mhmm.” He moved to her side, sharp gaze calculating the distance. “That has to be two hundred, maybe two hundred fifty meters away.” 

“There’s a chain at the top that anchors that target to the wall, which has to be padded for safety. Our target is the top link of that chain—land your shot through the chain so it goes into the wall padding.” 

He stared at her in shock. “Are you insane?” 

“Maybe.” She winked. “Why, are you afraid you can’t make it?” 

“Why don’t you let me take the first shot to prove that I’m not afraid of anything?” 

“If you want.” She stepped aside. “All yours, big boy.” 

“Say that again.” His voice was a soft, gravelly rumble, laced with the kind of command that she’d only ever dreamed of hearing. 

Rather than give into her fantasies and jump him right then and there, Aelin just smirked. “Make that shot, and I’ll say it again.” 

“Fuck,” he murmured, mostly under his breath. He took his time lining up his shot, carefully aiming just a few inches too high to compensate for the arc the arrow would take at such a long distance. Finally, he drew back his arrow and let it fly, watching it like a hawk as it sliced through the faintly stale air of the range. The arrow arced up, then gently down, and landed with a clean thud three inches to the right of the chain suspending the target from the wall. He grinned, proud that he’d managed to get so close to the almost-impossible target. “Beat that shot, darling.” 

She stepped up to the shooting line and rolled out her neck. “Let’s hope I can live up to the way I felt when I picked this target.” She took a good minute to line up her shot, her brows furrowed in deep concentration. After settling on her aim, she pulled back her arrow, took a deep breath, and released on the exhale. Her arrow whistled across the distance in a precise, beautiful arc and skewered through the second-highest link of the chain holding up the target on the far wall. 

Rowan’s jaw gaped in complete shock, his eyes wide with incredulity. 

Aelin sucked in a gasp, her eyes going wide as she realized that she’d made the shot. Two thoughts raced through her mind—one being fuck, what if he starts suspecting me now? and the other being I can’t fucking believe I made that shot!

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d suspect you of being some kind of archery master,” he said, unabashed appreciation replacing the shock written all over his face. “That was fucking insane, Ae.” 

She laughed quietly, still stunned herself. “I honestly don’t know how in the hell I made that.” 

“I think that makes you the winner.” He looped his free arm around her waist. “And I recall something about the loser buying dinner.” 

“And dessert,” she added, leaning into his side and looking up at him through half-lidded eyes. 

~

Their exit from the archery range was a blur of rapid motion and badly concealed desire, and she only blinked back into reality when they climbed into the backseat of his car and he practically lunged across the small distance between them and crashed his lips into hers. 

She threaded her fingers into his hair and angled his head to deepen the kiss, her tongue tangling with his. A soft moan broke free from her throat, and he groaned in response, breaking the kiss and shifting his lips to her throat, tracking a trail of soft, hot kisses down her sensitive skin. 

“No…no marks,” she managed to say. He hummed in assent and nipped lightly at her fluttering pulse point before working his way back up her throat and kissing her deeply again. She moaned into the kiss, her hips inadvertently rolling, shifting her body closer against him. 

He groaned. “Aelin…” A short pause, their heartbeats so loud they could practically hear each other’s pulses. “I won’t take you in the backseat of a car this first time.” 

“Why not?” She dragged one hand ever so slowly down his chest, almost reaching his throbbing erection before he caught her wrist with a growl. 

“Because anyone could walk past and see us, and I don’t need an audience when I make you scream my name.” 

She went silent, her slightly-swollen lips dropping in aroused surprise. “Then get me home, Lieutenant.” 

A dark little smile crooked his lips. “Have I ever told you that I’ve dreamed of you using my title in bed?” 

“Now you have.” She climbed into the passenger seat. “Lieutenant.” 

He drove back to her apartment building with so little heed for traffic rules that she almost didn’t believe he was a cop. And when he parked and opened her door for her, the promise lighting his eyes made her knees turn to jelly. 

“Nervous, Ae?” he asked as they stepped into the elevator. 

“Hardly.” She pressed the button for her floor. “I recall you talking some big talk about showing me what I missed, so I’d only be nervous that you won’t last long enough to do that.” 

His hands flexed against her waist, the heat of him seeping through her linen dress. “Keep saying things like that and we’ll see who doesn’t last.” 

“Ah-ah, big boy.” She clicked her tongue. “Loser doesn’t get to call the shots.” 

“Aelin,” he groaned, eyes fluttering closed. 

“Rowan,” she echoed, giggling at his evident frustration. The elevator stopped with a ding, its door opening to Aelin’s floor. She threaded her fingers with his and led him down the hallway to her apartment, unlocked the door, and let him in. She’d just finished locking the deadbolt behind them when his hands circled her waist and his lips pressed against the back of her neck, soft but so intensely heated that she drew in a tiny gasp. 

“Told you I’d hear that sound again,” he murmured into her ear. 

She arched backwards, molding her body against his. “And I told you the loser doesn’t get to call the shots tonight, love.” Smoothly, she moved out of his embrace, bent down, and unfastened her heeled sandals, leaving them on the short shoe rack by the door. She strolled through the living room, mentally counting the seconds until he followed. 

Five, six, seven. Seven seconds. Then Rowan kicked off his shoes, crossed the living room in four long strides, and backed her into the closest wall in another two steps. 

“This doesn’t look like my bed,” she teased. 

“We’ll get to that.” Cupping his hands under her ass, he hoisted her effortlessly up and kissed her, his tongue slipping between her parted lips. She groaned softly and tangled her fingers into his hair, unapologetically ruffling up the short strands as she kissed him harder, nipping at his lips, a challenge and a tease all at once. 

“Gods,” she moaned as his lips worked down her neck, her hips grinding into his. 

“Just me,” he mumbled into her skin. 

She huffed out a breathy laugh. “How are you so funny and so hot right now?”

“Call it a special skill.” He chuckled at her wry laugh and abruptly pulled her away from the wall and down the rest of the short hallway to her bedroom, where he set her down on her feet. “Dress. Off.” 

Faster than he could blink, she hooked her foot around the back of his legs and knocked him to his knees. “What did I tell you about giving me commands tonight, love?” 

“Fuck me,” he breathed, cock straining at the front of his pants, probably leaving a permanent imprint of his zipper. “I didn’t know you could do that, Ae.” 

“Now you do.” Her turquoise gaze trailed lazily down his body. “Clothes off, Ro.” 

He yanked his shirt over his head and had his pants down to his knees before he looked up at her with a wry smirk. “Can’t exactly get my pants all the way off like this.” 

She chuckled. “Here.” Leaning down, she pulled his belt out of his pants, looped it swiftly around his wrists—deliberately making the restraint very simple so that investigative brain of his wouldn’t suspect anything—and let him stand up. “Now get your pants off, love.” 

“I…” His cock was practically shoving through his boxers. “My hands…”

“Don’t tell me you need your hands to get your pants off, my darling Lieutenant,” she hummed. With a wicked half-smirk, she pulled her dress up and over her head, revealing a lacy, golden bra and panties set. 

It took him exactly ten seconds to kick off his pants and drop back to his knees, a desperate groan ripping from his throat as he drank in the sight of her in scraps of golden lace. 

“Look at you already on your knees for me,” she cooed, sauntering across the room until she stood before him. She trailed her fingers through his hair and down his face, dancing across the intricate craftsmanship of his tattoo. “Good boy.” 

“Aelin,” Rowan moaned, desperation bleeding into his tone, “please.” 

“Please what?” 

“Please,” he said, eyes wide and begging, “let me touch you. Let me taste you. Please.” 

“Such pretty manners.” She dropped down on the end of her bed, conveniently stripping off her panties as she did, and let her legs fall open. “Only when I say so, Lieutenant.” He groaned but didn’t move, his whole body tense with the effort it took to keep in place rather than lunge for her and bury his tongue between her thighs. “Good boy,” she gasped, her head falling back as she circled her clit with her thumb, the soft touch lighting a fire in her blood. “Touch me, darling.” 

She’d barely spoken the words before he yanked his hands free, launched himself forward, fell back to his knees at the end of her bed, and replaced her thumb with his. 

“Fuck,” she gasped, hips jerking. “More, Ro.”

He circled her entrance with one fingertip before plunging his finger into her, the wetness that had pooled between her legs naturally slicking the digit. She moaned with pleasure, guiding him to add a second finger, and reached up to tease her nipples. His eyes went huge and pleading, and he struggled to find words before he managed to choke out a coherent thought. 

“Let me taste you, Ae,” he begged. “Fucking please.” 

She hummed, pretending to consider it. “Thank you for asking,” she finally said, running her free hand down his throat. “Go ahead, Ro. Put that filthy mouth of yours to work.” 

Wisely, he kept his fingers moving, twisting and curling inside of her, as he buried his head between her legs and swept his tongue in a broad, strong stroke up her cunt. He circled her clit with his tongue, sucked the throbbing little bud between his lips, and groaned deeply as the taste of her exploded on his tongue.

Between his ridiculously fucking talented mouth and the headiness of ordering around the gorgeous man she’d been dreaming of since February, Aelin didn’t last long before she clamped her thighs around Rowan’s head and called out his name as she came all over his face. Her body shook as her orgasm subsided, ripples of bliss passing through her. 

“Fuck me,” she sighed, her head clearing again. “That was so good, darling.” 

Slowly, he lifted his head and withdrew his glistening fingers. “You want me to fuck you?” 

“Oh, I want you to do much more than just that.” Languidly, she moved up the bed and stretched out against the multitude of pillows. “Take off the rest of your clothes and come here, love.” 

It took him all of five seconds to tear off his boxers, revealing a thick, hard cock that made her pussy clench just thinking about how fucking amazing it was going to feel filling her up, and position himself atop her, his weight braced on his forearms so he wasn’t crushing her. “Here I am.” 

“Here you are.” A softer light replaced the commanding glint in her eyes. “And here I am. What you do next is up to you, Rowan.” 

He exhaled shakily, a warmth bordering on love suffusing his face. “I’ve dreamed of this since the night of that goddamn gala, Aelin.” 

“Me too.” She draped one arm over his shoulder, tracing the defined planes of his upper back. “So do something about it.” 

And Rowan did.

~

It was May 25, which made it, as Gavriel would probably scream, time to stop fucking around and start producing some concrete proof. Rowan knew he’d been putting off actually filing the evidence he’d collected, using the flimsy excuse of the amount of paperwork it would take, and he was finally having a calm enough week at Orynth PD to lock himself in his office and start the task. 

He went through the homicide reports mechanically, having filed so many of them during his career that he had the process down to muscle memory. The only thing he had to consciously remember for these reports was to track the consistency of the victims’ MO’s, because that was one of the key things upon which his case rested. If he was going to get Celaena Sardothien convicted for her reign of shadow-cloaked terror—and he swore he would—he needed to make certain that he drove home the point about her preferred mode of torture-to-murder being the same. 

The fact that his suspect had never been seen in person would be an obstacle, but not an insurmountable one. He had full faith that when his trap was set and baited, Sardothien would come right into its open arms. 

He took a lunch break after finishing the reports, during which he allowed himself to open his personal cell phone and scroll through his and Aelin’s recent texts. He even managed to call and catch her during a break, which meant they could spend a few minutes talking. Which had him grinning like an idiot when he returned to his office. 

Turning back to the evidence filing, Rowan picked up the small plastic bag containing the tiny piece of mysterious fabric. Aedion had left a copy of his analytical notes, as his explanation of the material would be just as crucial as the material itself when this case eventually came to court. Rowan flipped through the pages, noting down any key information as he filed the fabric scrap as evidence, when two separate details caught his eyes. 

First, early in his initial observations, Aedion had noted that the fabric had “remarkably straight, cleanly squared edges.” Rowan turned over that thought in his head, jaw dropping when he realized the implication—the fabric had not been torn, but cut out of a larger piece. 

Which left the distinct possibility that it had been planted at the explosion site. 

“Fucking hell,” Rowan swore, jaw ticking as he added that note to the evidence report. 

The second thing that caught his eye was towards the end of Aedion’s notes, an otherwise ordinary note about the place of manufacture. Developed at Galathynius, Inc. Laboratories. Rowan shook his head, blinked a few times, and reread the note five more times to make sure he was reading it correctly. Each time, it said the same thing. 

The mysterious foreign fabric had been developed at the labs of Aelin’s beloved company. 

Rowan’s mind raced a mile a minute through the possibilities of that one little note. On the extreme end, it implied that Aelin had created the fabric—which was impossible, because she’d told him herself that she had an engineering team. So perhaps her engineers had developed it? Without her knowing? But that would make no sense, since Aelin was clearly invested enough in her company to be fully aware of what was developed in her labs. So…a secret project?

Or, as Rowan began to suspect, if Celaena Sardothien was using Aelin Galathynius as a cover-up, it followed that she would have been able to use the lab and develop some kind of near-impenetrable material for her nefarious schemes. 

All the more reason to end the Shadow Assassin before she decided Aelin was no longer useful.

~

On the unseasonably warm evening of May 30, Aelin—clad in the form-fitting black suit of Celaena Sardothien—wove her way through the shipping district, darting from shadow to shadow like a breath of nighttime breeze. A few days ago, Nox had left her a note that there had been a suspicious figure seen lurking around Warehouse 4, and because she needed to let off some steam, she’d decided to go investigate it herself. With the SecondSkin covering her true skin and her suit snug against her body, she blended into the dark little nooks and crannies of the industrial sprawl of buildings, and she made it to Warehouse 4 undetected. At the perimeter of the security cameras’ field, she tapped her boot twice against an innocuous-looking crack in the unkempt pavement, disarming the cameras temporarily. 

Footsteps silent, she crept up to the steel-sided building and paced a careful lap around the structure. She’d just started a second lap when there was a faint rustle from the cluster of nearby shrubs, and a knife sliced through the night and embedded itself in her arm. 

Or it would have, had she not caught it before it could make contact. 

Thick, tense silence stretched across the short distance between her and whoever the fuck was hiding in the shrubbery like a damn coward. 

Then, with a muffled “fuck,” a tall, muscled, black-clad male figure exploded out of the shrubs and rushed at her. 

She dodged his initial brute rush, kicking out as she sidestepped and managing to get the man in the back of the leg. He grunted, reversed direction, and swung a powerful right cross punch at her, which she blocked with one forearm and returned with a left hook. He swatted away her strike, so she launched into a flurry of rapid-fire punches and strikes, distracting him enough that she was able to get in close quarters and drive one knee into the juncture of his leg and his groin. He swore viciously and retaliated with a brutal punch to her side, which made most of her breath whoosh out of her lungs. 

“Dick move,” she huffed. 

The man scoffed. “Says the woman who literally just kneed me in the dick.” 

“Obviously you have no knowledge of anatomy.” She landed a punch to his shoulder joint and followed it up with a boot to his thigh. “Or you’d know that I kneed you in the thigh joint, idiot.” 

“Nobody told me the Boss was such a smart-ass.” He smacked the small knife out of her left hand. “Now who’s not playing by the rules?” 

“What rules?” With a vicious grin, she ducked his roundhouse swing and thrust her elbow into his stomach. He folded over with a groan, though he recovered rapidly. Not rapidly enough to fully dodge the high, sweeping kick she directed at his face, hitting his jaw enough to bruise and send his head jerking sideways. “There aren’t rules in this world.” 

“No…shit,” he wheezed. He dodged her sudden rush and whirled around to meet her head-on again, flicking open a switchblade. 

“Nice blade.” Aelin’s smirk flashed white in the blue-black darkness as she whipped twin serrated daggers from her thigh sheaths. “Little bit thuggish though, don’t you think?” 

“Says the goddamn Boss.” 

God, but it was fun to go into combat with someone who wasn’t afraid to dish her sarcasm right back at her. “You’ve got quite the mouth on you, hmm? Pity I won’t be able to listen to it much longer.” 

“That’s what you think.” He swiped at her thigh, gasping shortly when she whipped her leg up to avoid the blade. Gasping in a more strangled manner when she wrapped that leg around his neck and half-threw, half-strangled him to the ground in a single fluid, brutal maneuver that was some kind of unholy cross between martial arts and street fighting. “Fuck!”

She stomped on his wrist, forcing him to release his knife, and swiftly immobilized him, though he was a good deal taller and heavier than she was. “Any last words?” The tip of her dagger touched his pulsing jugular, eager to rip open the skin. 

“Only–”

“WAIT!”

Aelin muffled a particularly colorful curse. “What the fuck, Con?!” 

“Boss, wait!” Con sprinted around so he was in her view, glancing quickly at the man she had pinned to the ground. “I know him.” 

“You have fifteen seconds to explain.” 

Con yanked the man’s dark mask and hood off, revealing tawny skin, blonde curls, and an oddly familiar face. “Long time no see, brother.” 

“Brother?” 

“Boss, this is Fen.”  

The blonde–who, Aelin noted, was indeed Con’s mirror image, but blonde–grinned. “Fenrys Moonbeam, at your service.”  

She snorted softly. “I’ll be the judge of that. Con, is he safe?”  

Con shrugged and addressed his brother. “Where have you been, Fen?”  

“Evading authority, like usual.” 

The dark-haired twin rolled his eyes. “He’s safe. Good eyes, good ears, talks too much but knows when to shut his stupid face.”  

“All right, Fen, you’re hired. I could use another pair of eyes, and your brother could use a break, if he knows what that is.” Aelin released Fenrys and stood up, brushing off her hands. 

Fen pushed himself to his feet with a groan, shaking out his cramped, sore limbs. “So the interview consists of almost dying. Got it.” 

She threw him a vicious grin. “And if I decide I won’t hire a candidate, the ‘almost’ part goes away.” 

“Terrifying.” He gulped. “Well, then I’ll count myself lucky.” He shook her offered hand. “Thanks for the opportunity, Boss.” 

“I’m looking forward to seeing how your particular skills can be an asset.” She winked, relishing the way he shuddered ever so slightly at the obvious hint of her scheming. “I’ve been in need of a decent trespasser since the last one had an unfortunate run-in with a bullet.” 

“Unfortunate, huh?” 

“Very unfortunate.” She chuckled, low and dark. “He went two steps too far.” 

Fenrys grimaced. “I’ll be here whenever you need me, Boss.” With a lazy mockery of a salute, he limped off beside his brother, headed for Con’s truck. 

~

Back at his apartment that was little more than a shitty, rundown box with paper-thin walls, tucked into one of many nondescript brick apartment buildings bordering the industrial district, Fenrys Moonbeam stretched his aching body out on his crappy couch, settled an ice pack on his throbbing knee, and picked up the cellphone lying on the side table. Opening the short list of contacts, he scrolled for a moment before tapping on an icon and letting the phone ring. 

The call connected just after the third ring. “Moonbeam?” 

Fenrys knew better than to waste words. “I’m in, Cap.” 

“Wrong title.” Rowan Whitethorn’s grunt dripped with acerbic sarcasm. 

“Apologies, Lieutenant,” Fenrys simpered. “Anyway, I’m in.” 

“Good.” 

Click. The call went dead. 

Fenrys sighed. He really should have expected Whitethorn to be as terse as his reputation suggested; the man had sent him an actual paper printout of his instructions, for fuck’s sake. At least the assignment was fairly simple. 

Infiltrate Celaena Sardothien’s ring of criminals. Check. 

Get into Sardothien’s good graces enough to go with her when she inevitably committed her next murder. Check…right? 

Collect as much evidence as possible of the Boss’s numerous heinous crimes so the TSF could convict her and end her rampage of villainy. He was working on that.

And preferably don’t fucking die in the attempt. That last part had been spoken in Rowan Whitethorn’s famously dry voice. 

No sweat. 

Aching from the unexpectedly brutal fight, Fenrys Moonbeam stretched out on his shitty couch, wincing at the unpleasant feeling of every goddamn spring in the bloody couch digging into his body, closed his eyes, and dropped into shallow sleep, hyperaware that he laid exactly twelve feet atop the equally rundown, mildew-ridden apartment of Boss Celaena Sardothien.

~~~

TAGS:

@live-the-fangirl-life

@superspiritfestival

@thegreyj

@wordsafterhours

@elentiyawhitethorn

@morganofthewildfire

@backtobl4ck

@rowanaelinn

@house-of-galathynius

@tomtenadia

@julemmaes

@swankii-art-teacher

@charlizeed

@booknerdproblems

@earthtolinds

@goddess-aelin

@sweet-but-stormy

@clea-nightingale

@autumnbabylon

@darling-im-the-queen-of-hell

@llyncooljones

@silentquartz

@sunshinebingo

@hiimheresworld

[guardian-rocket]

🦊💞🦝

Fox McCloud x Rocket Raccoon Send me ships!

Who would be the big spoon? They switch because it depends on the mood of things. Rocket will often lay either across Fox or use his chest as a pillow too. There's no consistency here.

Who would wake up first? Rocket, usually. He's a light sleeper and he doesn't tend to sleep very long even on a good night, but there are times Fox somehow beats him to it.

Do they have nicknames for each other? Rocket tends to call him 'Foxxy', or 'Pretty Boy', 'Gorgeous,' and pretty much any ship with Rocket is subjected to getting called 'Baby' on occasion. As for Fox's nicknames for Rocket, he seems to give Rocket more the general pet-name treatment. (I tend to know Rocket's side a bit better)

What happened when they met each other’s parents? This won't happen but Rocket listens as Fox tells him anything about his family with fascination. He did tell Fox early on he didn't know his parents and was pretty sure they were dead. Rocket also won't talk about his creators much at all.

How do they apologize after an argument? Arguing with Rocket takes fineness, he's stubborn and has some trouble admitting fault even though he can do it if he really is obviously the one in the wrong. Rocket doesn't want to drag things out though, so it's just a matter of getting started. Even if it seems like he's just being an ass (and maybe he is) he may also just be brooding on how to open the conversation without sounding stupid. If Fox apologized first, he'd feel much easier about apologizing in return and admitting he was stupid about whatever caused the argument.

What would they be like as parents? Rocket already has Groot to raise, and he's very stereotypical in the dad role. Fox does get to play as a parental figure to Groot and honestly I think Groot sees him as more motherly. Probably cuts the crusts off his bread and would pack him a snack before he runs off to go get himself into trouble.

Who is the better cook? Fox, Rocket doesn't spend much time doing anything in the kitchen outside of grabbing quick meals or drinks UNLESS he's doing something special. Fox seems to know at least the basics of culinary.

Who is more romantic? Fox is more traditionally romantic but Rocket will try his best to make sure he's showing affection in his own way. He can be very sweet when he wants to be.

What sort of gifts do they get for each other? Rocket is the type to grab something for Fox on a far off planet, they'll probably be snacks or little trinkets that are ultimately useless as a small token to let Fox know he's always on Rocket's mind. Fox probably gets Rocket more practical things for Rocket to use that are from Corneria designed for furry-bodied people like themselves, or just things he knows Rocket's gonna love.

Who gets jealous easiest? Jealousy is rooted in insecurity and unfortunately that's where Rocket resides. He's a bit territorial. (Okay... very territorial.)

Who gets more excited for events e.g.. Birthdays, Christmas? I'd earnestly say neither of them are too big on that, but between them, Rocket is a bit more festive. I think when he gets to share what this Christmas thing is about he's gonna be pretty dorky telling him about it. Just remember the song 'I Don't Know What Christmas Is' is from the description from Rocket's interpretation, so it probably will not very traditional.

Who is the most adventurous? Rocket can be adventurous when he wants something but this one goes to Fox. Rocket often needs to be coaxed to go do something dangerous.

Who is the most protective? I'll go with Rocket for this, as he's more paranoid about losing people now. I think they'd both be protective though.

What would they have been like as childhood sweethearts? I see Rocket as the type to try and lure Fox into trouble, doing dumb kid stuff like making bottle rockets and sneaking into the movies without paying.

*BONUS: Song to sum them up?*

The Psychedelic Furs - Love My Way

Do I ship it?

Yes <3

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Being a friend of Ricky and Angela + an honorary daughter to Martha would include~

(Not my gif)(Requested by @blossomgutz )

(Hope this is what you were looking for!)

- While it could be true that you met Angela and Ricky through normal means; like school or something of the sort, I raise you a somewhat different idea: you meeting them because of Aunt Martha.

- It’s not out of the ordinary for Aunt Martha to make what she wants into a reality so if she takes notice of a particular young girl who she thinks would make a wonderful friend for her children, she’ll certainly try her best to pull some strings and get them to come over for a play date. You can be anything from a neighbor, to a daughter of a friend, to a patient of hers; she is a doctor after all. Regardless, you’re welcomed with open arms.

- From the start of your friendship with the two, she insists that you can think of their home as your own. You’re free to walk inside and do whatever you’d like: welcome to stay for dinner, a sleepover, to come in for breakfast, or to just stay for hours at a time; whatever you’d prefer is fine by her.

- Ricky is always a bit embarrassed by her and her arguably strange behavior but you probably tease him about how you like hanging out with his mom more than you like hanging out with him and that tends to make him feel better. He’s relieved that she doesn’t scare you off; he’s had more than a few friends avoid coming over.

- Perhaps that’s why he’s particularly protective over you; the fact that you’ve always been so accepting of his strange little life. Although, it has sort of just become of a habit of his: one that was probably born out of his mothers insistence that he protect Angela; and subsequently you.

- Speaking of: you have a tendency to protect Angela just as much as he does; especially when you know Ricky isn’t there to stick up for her. Whenever you’re in a class you share alone together or in the girls restroom at school, you always make sure to keep an eye on her and ensure that no bullies can get to her. You might have even gotten into a few fights because of her and though you probably got grounded as a result, you still can’t bring yourself to regret them.

- You’re one of the few people that Angela feels she can actually trust and talk to and she really enjoys spending time with you. It sort of makes you feel special when you think about how you’re the only one in your school that she hangs out with.

- Martha loves that Angela finally has a little “girlfriend” who she can hang out with. She encourages the two of you to go on outings together whenever she can: usually stereotypical girly things like shopping or manicures.

- On the topic of outings: you’re invited to join them on all of their vacations and day trips. Whenever they go to some park or zoo or museum, you’re always welcome to come; so much so that Aunt Martha probably plans around the assumption that you are coming.

- Angela tends to linger by your side whenever you’re out together; especially when Ricky is busy elsewhere. It isn’t rare for him to go off with his friends or want to be alone when you arrive at someplace so you’re usually left behind with your favorite shy little gal.

- This is especially true for when you go to the arcade together: though Ricky will definitely drag you around with him a lot of the time; wanting you to go against him in different two person games.

- Family game nights and show watching. You all sit down after dinner every Friday and play board games or watch something like jeopardy or the Brady bunch on tv.

- Martha treats you like a daughter, plain and simple. If she didn’t already have Angela you probably would have become her surrogate child; though sometimes Angela is definitely made to play second fiddle in favor of you. Thankfully, she never really minds; she might even prefer having a break from her mother on occasion.

- Please let her do your hair, or your makeup, or maybe just try on these clothes and see if they fit you better than Angela. She did see it in the store and think of you~

- She definitely buys things just because she knows you like them and makes things because she knows they’re your favorite. It really is like having a home away from home whenever you go over to their house: like having another mother; one you might even trust more than your own.

- Martha would obviously love to have a girly girl in her life but she wouldn’t mind a tomboy either. She might prefer it when you act or dress more feminine or subtly urge you to do so but you’re still gonna be a sweet little girl to her, regardless of how you dress or behave. As long as you let her dote on you like a girly girl, she really doesn’t mind.

- At first, you were just included in the “sweetie’s” call, but she slowly started to call you sweetie on your own and now she just addresses you by pet names like 90% of the time.

- She used to apologize when she found herself treating you like one of her own children; even if she really wasn’t sorry, but she stopped apologizing the longer you spent a part of their lives and now she’s perfectly comfortably treating you that way: preening you all motherly like and giving you hugs and such.

- You tend to give her the praise she constantly seeks out and she absolutely loves it. Sometimes she goes above and beyond to make you happy just because of it.

“Wasn’t that nice of me, hmmm?”

- You can always depend on her; even if she’s a little scatterbrained. Got sick at school and moms not answering the phone? Aunt Martha to the rescue. Got your first period and embarrassed to tell anyone? Don’t worry dear, she’ll take care of everything. Mom doesn’t allow makeup? “It’s our little secret” she’ll tell you after she buys you some cosmetics.

- Speaking of: she’s always jumping to take care of or help you when you’re sick or injured. She’ll bandage you up and/or fret over your symptoms, making you soup or telling you to lie down; even journeying over to your house with a care package when she learns that you’re under the weather.

- Overall, it’s just a very nice experience. She never once feels like just your friends mother: she’s an adult who you can trust and truly feel comfortably around; even if she’s a little prim and proper.

[misguided-madness]

Last night was a blast. Thank you to everyone that came out to kick off my birthday year of celebration. I had a great time. I woke up today feeling loved, supported and happy. I came into my shop and opened up. Then I turned on my phone. That soon changed - I am sending love and hugs to my friend Bonnie-Jean Brown who attended last night and had fun like the rest of us. I must share she was a little nervous to attend. I assured her that she would be fine, and that myself, my mom and friends would keep her safe and have fun! She was brave she came! We / She had a great time, it meant the world to me she would come, as did everyone who was there to celebrate me and my beautiful crown from my second family, my beautiful friends that love me so much! Bonnie posted pictures and was excited to share it! Something we all love to do share our lives with family and friends on social media. Now, some of her so called friends, are attacking her character and her morals of being a child of God for attending my party that had a drag show. This infuriates me when you use God as a weapon to promote hate and intolerance and claim our sinning and judge us so-called sinners. In reality you are the one judging us and I’m sorry as a child of God myself you have no right to judge somebody, the only one who can do that, is God himself or herself. So, Here’s the deal in 29 days I turned 50 and in my almost 50 years I have had a journey, I have seen hate rise time and time again! In the world and I’m my life as for over 20 years I was the founder of an LGBTQ nonprofit. I have been hated just for being me, I have attended many events, I have taught at events as well to teach tolerance, love and acceptance! I have held the hands of LGBTQ youth, crying, sharing their journeys, youth, kids who were saved from killing themselves, as their family, as their friends abandoned and threw them out. Like they were nothing, they weren’t God children, they were, they are, I am tired of watching this world hate on people. We are all human! We all deserve to be here! My beautiful, kind, friend, Bonnie felt like she needed to apologize for having fun watching a show to entertain. Why should she apologize! I commented on one of her posts, and told her not to apologize that if people judge you, those are not true friends, I believe that in my core! I have seen so much, much of I don’t talk about a lot of it mainly because it does hurt! I was raised in a family that had morals, believed in God and taught me how to be a kind , loving person! But God he made me a proud, gay man. I am sorry, no more I will not apologize. Take a lesser version of life, I will not make excuses for people anymore, if you want to use God, do it the right way - God is love, kindness, creativity, uniqueness, tolerant, boldness- he is all of us - he is you, he is your family, your friends, in birth, in death, in drag, in uniforms, in service, in courts, in hospitals, in schools, in our lives! To those people who do not get that - I’m sorry but Fuck You! When judgment comes and God tells you how intolerant you were, unlike you, I’ll be right there with open arms and I’ll tell you you are forgiven! Because that’s God way! I hate that this joyous occasion to celebrate my milestone, has became something painful for a beautiful, creative, giving unique and special person I call a friend named Bonnie! I thank you for coming and sharing this special moment with me! I am positive that God’s hand and will brought you to my party. For a reason we may not know exactly why, but I hope it’s a teach people, kindness and love and tolerance. I love you, I love everyone who attended, I will post more pictures later and gather more thoughts, but right now I’m a bit pissed and sadden, I had to get this off my chest! Because I am tired of seeing the same old reruns! Luv & Hugz everyone - R -Spread Love & Kindness!

[thebradleybradshaw]

boyfriend!rooster headcanons | b.bradley

synopsis: lil boyfriend headcanons about life with bradley bradshaw ft. fem!reader

notes: hi babies !! here’s some soft & sweet headcanons about boyfriend life with rooster !! just wanted a nice little post for my angels after today’s events. likes, comments, & reblogs are always appreciated. enjoy !! xx

Nicknames for him: Roost, Roo, Brad, Lee, stinky, honey, lovey

Nicknames for you: sweetheart, darlin’, baby, babygirl, my girl

Big spoon energy.... except the off chance that he’s being a big pouting baby and wants to be the little spoon

100% calls kisses ‘smooches’

‘Give me a smooch, baby’ ‘gimmie smooch’ ‘plant a big ol’ smooch on me baby!’

He’ll walk up to you silently with his lips puckered out and won’t go away until you plant one on him

He likes to place his hands on your cheeks and just hold you there while he gives you such a deep kiss you’re seeing stars

This man has a kissing obsession

He’s always placing kisses to your forehead, especially at random: shopping, cooking dinner, dancing at the bar, saying goodbye

He’s also extremely touchy. Every time he touches you, you swear you feel dizzy and lightheaded. 

He loves to hold hands while you’re walking down the street and just swinging your arms

shared hobbies omfg

Hiking, couples’ walks, watching shows together, taking a painting or cooking class together

When the two of you got into cooking during quarantine, he had matching aprons made with your initials on it. he even had chef hats made, yours said head chef (it was also a major pun if you get the hint) and he was the sioux chef

The two of you have so many inside jokes it’s insane

You’ll look at each other while out to dinner with friends and try your best not to lose it while everyone stares at you wondering wtf is so funny

Meme King. He seriously has the perfect meme for every moment

Tiktok references

“That was too good, let’s get the bill....purr” is something Rooster says all the time, especially after a night out to dinner.

I 100% believe that Rooster would let you teach him Tiktok dances, but you could never ever actually post the video

He’s really good at the ‘Up’ by Cardi B dance

Speaking of Cardi B, Rooster will sing along to Meg the Stallion, Cardi B, Beyonce, and Lizzo at the top of his lungs. 

His go to karaoke song is either ‘Kokomo’ by the Beach Boys or ‘Truth Hurts’ by Lizzo and let me tell you he crushes them both

Matching outfits

He looooooves to match your outfits together. ‘Babe what color are you wearing tonight? I’ll match it’. He insists that pink is your ‘couples’ color’.

He bought you a locket necklace with a B on it, and somehow managed to get his picture in it. You only take it off to shower and sleep. 

You got him that gold chain that he also never takes off.

Baths together

We’re talkin bath bombs, salts, bubbles, the whole 9 yards. He’s got a special playlist for the occasion and plenty of tea candles to decorate the edge of the tub

He likes to lay back with you between his legs - you can feel his heartbeat on your back. 

His hands are obviously holding your boobs, that’s a given. Just simple caresses. He claims they’re his ‘anti-stress balls’.

He’ll be softly humming the latest song in your ear, placing kisses to your neck and hair.

He’s got the loofa all soaped up and dragging it along your exposed skin

Obviously after bath sex ensues

Speaking of after the bath:

Rooster has you lay back, catching your breath from your session as he rubs lotion on your legs, helping you get dressed in your softest pajamas

God damn does this boy love to take care of you!!!

Brushing your hair, helping with your skincare, picking out your outfits, making you lunches for work

I believe Rooster is the most fun person to go shopping with. He’s pulling on crazy outfits just to make you laugh. He’ll do a dramatic twirl in the fitting room. He’ll randomly grab different pieces that he thinks you’ll look good in.

Beach days!!!

He loves to take you to the beach and have some fun in the sun 

He’ll make sure you have all the SPF coverage that you need, sometimes lingering on putting it on your chest so you have to swat his hand away

Getting to massage his back, abs, and shoulders as you put it on him

The absolute power move it is to watch him getting out of the water, muscles glistening, skin tan and knowing that that is all yours

Laying on towels and sun tanning

Getting to watch the guys play football

Having that swooning romantic moment of Rooster chasing you, grabbing you by the waist, and running into the ocean together (punching the floor rn)

Long walks on the beach of course. He’s holding your sandals in one hand, the other hand is holding onto yours. Hair blowing in the evening breeze

 He is truly the most honest, caring, and loving boyfriend on this planet

He’s holding you close at night, brushing hair out of your face as you talk about the struggles of the day

He is always, always there to listen. He’ll hold you in his lap on the couch, nod along as you go on and on. 

A supportive King!!! No matter what it is you want to pursue he is there right behind you, cheering you on. He is truly head over heels in love with you and would lay down his life to ensure you get everything you want in life.

Even if that means letting you paint his toenails powderpuff blue

:)

[haikyuu-boys-headcanons]

𝙷𝙰𝙸𝙺𝚈𝚄𝚄 𝙱𝙾𝚈𝚂 - 𝙴𝙼𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙴𝚇 𝙼𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚂

hehe, i’m back at it again with one of these long ass posts but this idea’s literally been in my head all day long so here you go !! obvious nsfw warning :)

tw: this whole post is just nsfw and embarrassing to read so read at your own risk >:)

𝙳𝙰𝙸𝙲𝙷𝙸 » during a super intense and loud session, his voice cracked as he asked you “does that feel goOD- good baby?” to this day, he still prays that you couldn’t hear him over the sound of your own moans

𝚂𝚄𝙶𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙰 » you were riding him and he went to slap your ass, but something went wrong either because you were riding too quickly or he was shaking too much, boy ended up slapping himself in the balls. you’ve never heard that boy scream that loud in your life

𝙰𝚂𝙰𝙷𝙸 » literally pulled out in the middle of sex to get up and rush to the corner of his room to flip around his childhood teddy bears. your just laying there with your tiddies and coochie out waiting for asahi to shield the eyes of mr. wiggles

𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙺𝙰 » you two were having pretty intense shower sex until tanaka did the number one thing your not supposed to do during shower sex; this muthafucker slipped while holding you. long story short, y’all were okay but just ended up having nasty shower floor sex??

𝙽𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙾𝚈𝙰 » this tiny ass 5′2 man was unconsciously humping your leg while you were both asleep?? his presumably pleasurable wet dream had turned into a sudden nightmare when you literally had to KICK him off you to stop the humping. bad nishinoya, bad!

𝙺𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰 » came WAYYY too early inside you, but he was too embarrassed to say anything so he just... kept going. sadly, no one had warned kageyama of the intense effects of overstimulation. he was shaking and whimpering so badly behind you to the point where you had to ask him to pull out and bring him a glass of water to calm down

𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙰𝚃𝙰 » the first time you squirted on him, he just blatantly asked you these exact few words that left you feeling mortified: “did you just piss on me?” nuh uh hinata, this water fountain ain’t yours to drown in anymore >:( 

𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙺𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » kei was hitting it from the back pretty hard this time, so hard that you were suddenly... on an angle? suddenly, now you two were much closer to the floor than before. the bed ended up collapsing, yes literally collapsing due to kei’s powerful thrusts. worst part is, nobody got to finish since kei dragged you to ikea to grumpily buy a new bedframe. but hey, he bought you ikea meatballs; that shit hits so different

𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙶���𝙲𝙷𝙸 » one super duper intense night, he passed out the SECOND he came. no matter how much you flicked the temple of his forehead, yamaguchi was dead asleep. you had to literally slap him awake to get him to clean up, you ain’t risking a ranky stanky UTI puthy in the morning

𝙾𝙸𝙺𝙰𝚆𝙰 » kept calling himself a sex machine during the act. i don’t know if it was due to the 6 tequila shots he had beforehand or just his inner ego revealing, whatever it was it was about to make your pussy close

𝙸𝚆𝙰𝚉𝚄𝙼𝙸 » this one time, he kept going in at a weird angle which caused you to repeatedly queef for 7 minutes straight. every time you told him to pull out and go in properly, he laughed and kept going in at that one weird angle!! was your embarrassment a turn on for him?? maybe!! but were you mortified? absolutely!!

𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙽 » i’m sorry to have to be the one to announce this, but this man had the worst case of full blown bush you’ve ever seen. like, he didn’t even try to manscape or anything at all. you ended up begging him to trim just a tiny bit because you weren’t gonna risk choking on a pube whilst your going down on him

𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙸 » rubbed your left labia thinking it was your clit. and he kept doing that. the whole. fucking. time. even when you subtly moved his fingers towards your clit, he just kept going back to the left lip.

𝙺𝚄𝙽𝙸𝙼𝙸 » had the most dry and dull dirty talk you’ve ever heard. like, it’s not even dirty talk at this point; it’s just clean talk. there’s no passion when he talks! he uses the same tone he would use for anyone else at any other moment. to paint the picture, imagine riding kunimi and he’s just there with a furrowed expression like “yup, that feels really good”

𝙺𝚈𝙾𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙸 » tried to pull one of those unexpected anal scenes that he saw from a porno, without telling you beforehand. life lesson here; if you party at shit's house, don't be surprised if shit's at the party

𝙺𝚄𝚁𝙾𝙾 » you two were looking to get a little more kinky in terms of BDSM, so kuroo watched like 30 tutorials on youtube on how to safely tie you up so you won’t fall or anything. this bitch ended up tying rope knots that were practically impossible to undo, which resulted in you hanging from the ceiling for approximately 2 hours pussy-ass naked while kuroo tried to cut you down with a kitchen knife

𝙺𝙴𝙽𝙼𝙰 » wanted to spice things up with some dirty talk, like the real nasty talk they use in pornos but not the normal pornos; the shitty company ones with horrific acting. he really ended up announcing that he was going to “fuck your fucking fanny off, you twat”

𝙻𝙴𝚅 » got super excited while he was opening the lube since he hadn’t gotten to fuck you in a WHILE, which resulted the lube leaked everywhere and a giant 6′5 man slipping and hitting his head on the bed frame. worst part is; he had to go to the ER with a hard on that refused to go away

𝙱𝙾𝙺𝚄𝚃𝙾 » speaking of boners that wouldn’t go away, let’s not forget that one time bokuto took two viagras when you texted him to come over for a special occasion. he horribly misinterpreted the ‘special occasion’ text, because he showed up to your house with a huge buldge in his pants as your parents stand before him holding anniversary cards, completely horrified

𝙰𝙺𝙰𝙰𝚂𝙷𝙸 » wanted to make valentines day sex as romantic as he could, so he did the classic lighting candles and giving roses. everything was beautiful, until he accidently knocked one of the bigger candles over during missionary. this not only caused a huge ass fire in your bedroom, but he came right as the fire began to spread. boy was debating on whether his orgasm was to die for or not

𝙺𝙾𝙽𝙾𝙷𝙰 » had a nose bleed when he was going down on you and you both were immediately horrified, you thinking it was your period and him thinking he just ate coochie blood. yet as you went to go clean up, you realized his face had much more blood on it than your coochie did. to this day, he still blames it on your period 

𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙹𝙸𝙼𝙰 » threw you onto the bed and your head went through the wall. he didn’t even bother to ask you if you were okay, he just sighed and went “well, now i have to make a call to the construction guy. excuse me” and he left you and your concussed ass head sit there once again, pussy ass naked

𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙾𝚄 » during a blowjob, he held your head down right as he was coming causing the cum to shoot up your throat and somehow pour out of your nose. by the time he pulled out, he could barely breath from laughing at you. sure, the classic ‘milk shooting out of nose’ thing was funny at first until you got a sinus infection and had to breath out of your mouth for the next three days

𝚂𝙴𝙼𝙸 » always insists having sex in the most inconvenient places?? like he would pull you to side while grocery shopping and start grinding up against you as you pick which brand of cheese would be better??

𝙶𝙾𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙺𝙸 » he kept getting frustrated that his bangs were clouding his field of vision, so he irritably grabbed a hair tie and frantically tied up the sides of his bangs while he was fucking you. you immediately burst out laughing since he looked exactly like boo from monsters inc. 

𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » got so drunk that he ended up fucking the couch. like he was just there on top of you, and his dick was just sliding between the folds of the leather couch. you decided to let him finish like that

𝚂𝙰𝙺𝚄𝚂𝙰 » had a really bad reaction to one of the products he used while shaving and ended up getting super irritated down there so he kept having to pull out in-between thrusts to itch his crotch. to make things worse, you joking suggested that he looked like he had syphilis and he got so disgusted at the idea of that thought that he literally had to pull out and take a breather 

𝙾𝚂𝙰𝙼𝚄 » drizzled ‘warm’ chocolate down your chest and was about to seductively lick it off until you screamed in pain and horror as the chocolate was literally burning your skin off. osamu panicked, obviously not knowing what to do if chocolate was burning his partners skin off so he just... frantically licked it off. you still had to go to the ER afterwards to get treated for mild burns

𝙰𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙼𝚄 » didn’t know what a hymen was until the first time he tried to have sex with you. no matter how much he tried to shove his schlong in, it really just wasn’t working + “yer puss is broken”

𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙰 » pinched your nipples so fucking hard to the point where you started crying. he thoughts these were tears of pleasure until you literally had to kick him off you. but hey, he gave you ice for your sore nipples and mcdonalds! what more could a girl possibly want :)

uh the end lol

also, this idea was inspired by the first haikyuu headcanon i ever read, “awkward sex moments” by @bbytetsu <3

[ry0chann]

millionaire au headcanons

character(s) // Sukuna, Nanami [x f!reader]

genre // modern au, millionaire au

warnings // mentions of nsfw themes for Sukuna's

notes // i got bored and made a pinterest board, which then sparked some inspo for fics. however, i don't have it in me to write a whole ass story, so instead you get some messy hcs explaining this au i came up with. also i will gladly elaborate on/talk more about either of them if anybody really wants to hear it, bc these aren't as long as i could've made them

RYOMEN SUKUNA

⤿ Sukuna refuses to go anywhere without you. You're his dime piece, it'd be silly to not have you on his arm wherever he goes. Every single party he's invited to, he brings you along. The main reason being, he enjoys your company. The following being, the photo ops. When the two of you step into the room, all eyes are on you. The pictures are good for publicity, and he's proud to show you off. Even if these events are some you don't want to attend, he always remembers to make it up to at some point in the evening.

⤿ You wanna know how he makes up for dragging you along to his events? Sex. Every time. But he doesn't wait for the two of you to arrive home. He gives it to you wherever you happen to be. The backseat of the car on the ride there. The bathroom of the venue you're at. The hotel you're staying in right before you leave, causing you to arrive late. Hell, he'll even take you in the shower as you're getting ready just to save up on time. Even if you're skeptical of the circumstances, he quickly has you forgetting why you were doubting it in the first place.

⤿ This man is possessive. Not in a way that has people concerned for your well-being, but in a way that has people jealous. He can't ever seem to keep his hands off you, not that you mind. For pictures, his hand is always on your hip, if not, your ass. And the majority of the night he keeps it on your lower back, just so the others can see he has no intentions of letting you stray from him. He also does go out with his shirt marked up, like the picture above. Having your lipstick stain his clothes somehow boosts his ego, probably because he catches people staring.

KENTO NANAMI

⤿ Nanami treats you like a princess. He'll spoil you as much as you'd like, and even if you don't want him to, he will. The most expensive jewelry, the prettiest dresses, the fanciest shoes, whatever you want is yours. He's something similar to a sugar daddy, honestly, aside from the fact that you're in an actual committed relationship with no strings attached. His status and money could never compare to the way you make him feel, though he does use said money to show you how much you mean to him. Quite often he takes you out on expensive dinner dates or trips. He enjoys spending time with you regardless of what you're doing, but sometimes he likes doing something special. Private jets to famous cities, or reserved rooms in high-end restaurants, just to name a few.

⤿ He accompanies you on all your shopping trips, simply because he enjoys seeing you treat yourself. Of course, he has his preferences in what he likes seeing you in, but he'll only give his opinion if you ask for it. Even then, he doesn't care what you buy as long as you're happy. Though if he is giving his opinion, he loves seeing you in lighter colors. Beige, white, pastels, etc. Depending on the occasion, he'll always find the classic black dress gorgeous. Silk or satin are also big favorites of his, so he typically shows you dresses as such.

⤿ The two of you together are like the classy & elegant rich couple you see in films. You dress-to-impress without evening trying, and there's most definitely people wishing they had your lifestyle. Nanami is actually pretty private about his home life, however. The two of you don't get caught by paparazzi too much, unless you're at one of his events. He's not very fond of photo ops, yet he still enjoys having pictures taken because you always look stunning in them.