#or it nothing and im just hanging out with myself while telling everyone that im having a date and when anyone ask im like

[achilles-rage]

Good Luck Charm: Chapter 9

college football player!buck x plus size!reader

summary: evan picks you up and takes you to homecoming, being very excited for you to wear his jersey. while you know nothing about football, you make sure to cheer him on, leading to a bit of teasing from evan’s teammates.

word count: 4.0k

previous chapter

series masterlist

A/N: so after i wrote this i decided to make them students at USC, and after googling their stadium i realized it was way bigger than how i wrote it, so lots of this is barely believable if you’re actually familiar with american college football and their stadiums/crowds/etc (i think? i’m not american). this is so main character coded and also is probably not accurate to real homecomings at all but i don’t care!! just ignore it<3 by the way, the touchdown conversation is also based on my very real (and very awkward) conversation i had with a man (i call it fucking idiot rizz)😔 im so sorry to put you through it rn. anyway, enjoy<3

warnings: reader knows nothing about football (affectionate), evan playing football (hot), no use of y/n, fem!reader, race inclusive!reader

At 6:00, a knock on the door interrupts your pacing. You can’t help being nervous, thinking about watching a game you don’t know any of the rules for, about going to an afterparty with a bunch of rowdy football players, about everyone seeing you with Evan’s name on your back. As much as it makes butterflies swarm in your belly, a part of you is nervous about the attention it might bring you.

You open the door and are faced with Evan, a wide grin on his face as he takes in your appearance. His eyes trail down your body, noticing your short jean shorts showing off your thick thighs, and your white oversized crop top hanging off your shoulder slightly, showing off a sliver of your soft tummy and cleavage.

“Hi.” you greet him softly, stepping into the hallway and closing the door behind you, holding eye contact with him.

“Hey princess, you look good.” he tells you, his hand going to the back of your neck to pull you in for a chaste kiss. You hum softly as his lips meet yours, leaning into him..

“Thank you,” you mumble against his lips. You pull back as he does, and look down, rubbing your hands down your jeans to calm your nerves. “We should go. Don’t wanna be late.” you try to change the subject, grabbing his hand to pull him down the hall. As many times as he’s complimented you in the past few weeks, it still makes your stomach flip and your face to get hot, not being used to all the attention.

“Hey, hold on. I’ve got something for you.” he tells you, a smirk growing on his face as he catches onto your nerves. He pulls you back by the hand, putting his hands on your waist and turning you to face him. You put your hands on his chest to steady yourself as he spins you around, a short laugh escaping your throat as you look up at him.

He holds his jersey up close to your face with one hand, his smirk growing as you reach your hand out to grab it.

“Uh uh. I wanna put it on you myself.” he teases, fingers nudging the underside of your arms, urging you to raise them.

You oblige, shaking your head with a smile, eyes focused on him as he lowers it over your head. He slides it over your body, biting his lip as he takes in the sight. It’s slightly oversized on you, as it has to be quite large to fit over him and all of his gear. It comes down to rest just below the edge of your short shorts, making it look like you’re not wearing pants, which causes you to giggle softly as you look down at the jersey on your body.

You reach down, grabbing one side of the jersey and tucking it into the waistband of your shorts, letting it hang diagonally across you so people can at least see you are wearing shorts underneath his jersey.

“Good?” you ask softly, looking back up at him, but you don’t even need to wait for his words to know that it is. His eyes darken as he stares at you wearing his clothes, and a sense of possessiveness rumbles through him. He has to resist the urge to push you back into your apartment and take you right on your kitchen counter.

“Yeah, baby, you’re good.” he rasps, taking your hand and kissing it softly before pulling you down the hall, pulling you close and wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

Once you’re both in the jeep, he makes the short drive over to the stadium; you could’ve walked, but he didn’t want to have to carry his bag the whole way.

His hand finds its way to your thigh almost instantly, his eyes sparking as he glances at you in his passenger seat. You notice how his eyes keep making their way over to you, taking in the sight of your perfect, thick thighs covering the seat, and his jersey clinging to your body.

“What?” you ask after a minute or two, laughing softly as he meets your gaze, shrugging.

“You just look so good in my passenger seat, princess.” he purrs, taking his hand off your thigh for a moment to grab your hand and raise it to his lips. You bite your lip as you look back out the window, noticing the sea of people in red and yellow shirts making their way down the sidewalk to the stadium.

“Are you ready? Excited? Nervous?” you ask after a moment, feeling nerves bubbling in your stomach for him, knowing how many people will be watching today.

“I’m not nervous. You’re gonna be sitting in the front row watching me. It’ll only make me work harder.” he says with a wink as he pulls into a parking spot and puts the jeep in park.

“You’re gonna be great. And I know nothing about football, so even if you aren’t, I won’t be able to tell.” you tell him as you turn in your seat to face him, a small, and slightly embarrassed smile on your face.

“So, you mean to tell me that you agreed to come to my game, and you don’t even know how many points a touchdown is?” He laughs at your words, shaking his head. It makes his heart swell a little; thinking of you being here just because he wants you to.

“Seven?” you say as more of a question than an answer, embarrassment filling your stomach. “If not, then I know less about football than I thought.” you finish with a small laugh, biting the inside of your cheek.

“Close, princess. It’s six.” he says in a gentle tone, a smile glued to his face. You’re so cute, he thinks, he can’t wait to see you in the stands.

“But what about the kick, or whatever? That makes seven, right?” you argue softly, raising a brow.

“Yes, but that’s an extra point. That’s not how much the actual touchdown is worth.” You roll your eyes at his words, laughing softly.

“Alright, whatever.” you get out before his lips are on yours, his hand on the back of your neck to pull you closer to him.

“I appreciate the effort, though. But just because you don’t know anything about football doesn’t mean you don’t have to cheer for me.” he tells you sternly once he pulls back, but you can see the glint in his eye as you nod.

“I’ll just cheer when everyone else does.” you joke, although you’re dead serious. You hope that the game will be easy enough to follow along with, but your plan if it’s not is to wait until everyone else starts to cheer.

“Deal.” he murmurs, leaning in to meet your lips again.

“Okay, lets go. You still need to get ready.” you tell him as you push him away, not letting his lips meet yours. He groans, but then agrees and gets out of the jeep.

He grabs your hands once his bag is over his shoulder, smiling to himself as he feels you wrap your other arm around his bicep.

As he leads you into the stadium, he notices a guy’s eyes on you, and he feels jealousy flare up inside of him. He squeezes your hand instinctively, which causes you to look up at him, completely unaware of the situation.

“Are you okay? Are you sure you’re not nervous?” you ask softly, stepping closer as the crowd gets more and more dense. He nods stiffly, his jaw clenched. Maybe this isn’t as good of an idea as he thought.

“I’m fine, princess. I don’t get nervous,” he tells you, his eyes still ahead of him. “Especially not with my good luck charm beside me.” he mentions after a moment in a softer voice. He finally looks down at you, feeling his jealousy slipping away as he sees your big wide eyes looking up at him.

You hum softly, face growing hot at his words as you look down at the ground, trusting him to lead you through the crowd.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket with the hand that’s not holding yours, groaning as he realizes that he should’ve been in the locker room a few minutes ago. He stops and turns to you, which makes you look up to meet his eyes.

“Okay, I have to go. Can you find your way to your seat by yourself?” he asks, ducking down slightly to better match your height. You nod, biting your lip.

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be sitting right behind the bench, waiting to cheer for you when you score a touchdown, which is worth six points.” you tease, rising onto your toes to meet his lips as you wrap your arms around his neck. He happily leans down to meet you halfway, on hand on your hip and the other on your jaw.

“You’re gonna kill it.” you tell him once you both pull away, letting your arms drop from around his neck as you take a step back. He smiles at you, smacking your ass softly as you turn to walk to your seat, eyes glued to the way it jiggles from his touch.

You squeal softly in surprise, then whirl around quickly to look at him. He chuckles, putting his hands up in surrender.

“I can feel my good luck charm working already.” he says with a wink, and you fight back a smile as you shake your head. You turn again, walking to your seat, a smile finally breaking onto your face once you’re turned away from him.

He makes his way to the locker room and gets ready, apologizing quickly as his coach yells at him for being late. He starts feeling his adrenaline growing until it’s time for the teams to come onto the field. He revels in the feeling of so many people cheering for his team, so it takes a few seconds for him to find you in the large stadium, exactly where you said you’d be.

You grin widely as you see him running onto the field, standing in your seat on the aisle and cheering with the rest of the crowd. As he runs over to the bench, his grin widens and he gives you a wink, which isn’t lost on some of his teammates. They look at each other with raised brows, but they can’t tell who he’s looking at in the sea of red and yellow.

The game starts quickly, and you have to admit, you have no idea what’s going on. Your eyes move between the ball and Evan, and you think he’s doing really well, as he keeps blocking and tackling the other team. The first quarter seems to be pretty uneventful, however, as it’s still 0-0 when it ends.

He jogs over to the bench with his team, taking a drink of water. His eyes find yours again and you beam at him before blowing him a kiss. You can’t help it; you think seeing him playing football is the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. His smile widens as he pretends to catch it, trying to angle his body so his teammates don’t see his actions, but his smile drops as he hears his teammates laughing behind him. He turns to them, shoving the teammate closest to him, mumbling a small “shut up” before his head turns back in your direction.

You feel bad as you notice his teammates teasing him, and when he turns back to you, you mouth a quick “sorry.” He shakes his head, however, mouthing back “it’s okay” as he gives you another wink.

“Head in the game, loverboy.” he hears behind him, along with a few of his teammates laughing.

He turns back to his friend Owen, mumbling a rough “whatever, man” as he fights back a smile. Despite his clenched jaw and stern expression at their teasing, he can’t help feeling a little giddy as he keeps the image of you in his jersey in his mind.

The second quarter starts, and things start to pick up, and you’re starting to figure out a little bit more about what’s going on. Both teams have scored some touchdowns, but Evan’s team is still up by a few points, which you’re thankful for. You can’t imagine the pressure he and the rest of the team have on them, despite how unphased Evan seemed to be earlier.

You keep your word, cheering when the rest of the crowd cheers, feeling a sense of pride that you have his name on your back whenever he does something for his team. You’re amazed at what he can do, how he tackles and blocks the other team, how he throws and catches the ball. You could never do any of that, you think, you can’t get over how strong he must be do to all of this.

The whistle blows to signal halftime, and you watch as Evan and the rest of the team jog to the locker room. As you wait for the game to continue, you pull out your phone, feeling a little awkward as everyone around you is talking to other people they came with. You decide to text Evan quickly.

You: You’re doing great. You’re gonna kill it in the second half<3

He grabs his phone from his locker as he hears it chime, a smile making its way onto his face as he reads your message. As he’s about to type out a reply, Owen sees the way he stopped responding to him, and turns to face him with a smirk.

“That your girlfriend?” A few of the guys look over as Owen speaks with surprised expressions, not quite used to the idea of Evan having a girl come to any of their games. They’ve seen him with girls at parties before, but he was never serious enough about them for much else.

In an instant, one of the other guys, Luca, grabs Evan’s phone from his hand, another one, Cam, coming in just as quick to block Evan from getting the phone back.

“Look at this, he got a good luck text from his girl.” Luca teases, holding the phone out for a few of the other guys to see. Evan groans, still trying to get around Cam to get his phone back. He can feel himself getting angry, although he knows deep down there’s no reason to be. It feels like they’re stealing you away from him, as if you’re the phone.

“You got a crush, man?” another teammate asks, chuckling softly and patting him on the back.

You watch your text switch from delivered to read, and you’re happy that he’s seen it, but you can’t help but frown when he doesn’t respond. Feeling the adrenaline pumping through you, and feeling a little worked up from seeing Evan playing, you send him another text, hoping to encourage him further.

Luca puts a hand to his mouth as another text comes in, laughing loudly as he looks up at Evan with wide eyes.

“Damn, man. Now I know why you chose her.” he teases, tilting the phone as a few players look over his shoulder at the text. Evan still struggles around Cam, his face getting red in frustration and jealousy. What did you say, he thinks?

“Got yourself a punt bunny, Buckley?” another chimes in right as Evan finally grabs his phone back, looking down at the text quickly.

You: If you win, I’ll give you a reward later.

He can’t help but smirk at his phone, the chatter from his teammates fading into the background as he rereads your words. He’s a little surprised at them, but he can’t help the way his dick twitches at the idea. He starts to think about the many ways you could reward him when his coach starts speaking loudly, going over the game plan one more time before the game resumes.

He types a quick response before shoving his phone back in his locker, listening intently to the coaches words.

Evan: I’ll keep that in mind, princess.

The third quarter starts a minute or two after you get a response from Evan, butterflies filling your stomach as your brain finally catches up with what you texted him. You bite your lip as nerves fill your stomach, but they’re pushed aside as soon as you see Evan in his gear, a wave of desire flowing through you again.

Everything is going well until there’s only three minutes left in the quarter. You watch as a player comes out of nowhere, tackling Evan to the ground. He stays down for a few moments after the other player gets off of him, groaning in pain.

You shoot up from your seat, raising a hand to your mouth as your breath catches in your throat. Dread fills every inch of your body as you watch him lay still, fighting the urge to run onto the field and make sure he’s okay yourself. Why isn’t anyone checking on him, you think as you watch intently, barely blinking as you study his form.

Finally, he sits up slowly, shaking his head before he gets up. You let out a shaky breath, feeling your shoulders drop as he slowly stands up and signals he’s good to keep playing. You bite your nail anxiously as you keep your eyes on him, not even focusing on the ball until the quarter is over.

He makes his way to the bench, his body aching a little, but nothing he’s not used to. He takes his helmet off and looks up at you, immediately noticing your unease. He gives you a thumbs up and a wide smile, hoping to calm your nerves, and it works slightly. You stop biting your nail and give him a small smile, but you want this game to be over immediately so you can make sure he’s okay.

You see that they’re now down by a point, and you wait anxiously for the last quarter to start, barely paying attention to anything as your eyes go unfocused and your eyes move across the stadium.

Evan’s heart swells at your nervousness. Although he doesn’t want you to worry, he can’t help the warm feeling in his chest because he knows you’re worried about him.

The fourth quarter is almost over, and Evan would be lying if he said his head is completely in the game. He’s still playing as hard as he can, but he can’t help his mind wander to you in his jersey, and the text you sent. He knows that this game is important, but all he sees when he glances at the scoreboard is how many minutes until he can get you back to his place.

The game ends, and the entire stadium erupts in chaos, and you can’t help but shoot up from your seat, jumping up and down with the rest of the crowd with a huge smile. They won.

You watch the team celebrate with each other on the field, and you can feel the excitement coming off of them. You know it’s Evan’s last year on the team, as you’re both graduating at the end of the year, and you’re so happy that his last homecoming game is ending with a win.

You watch as the teams make their way off the fields, and you wait a few minutes for the stands to clear out slightly before making your way towards the locker rooms, standing where you and Evan parted ways earlier.

He’s quick to change once he gets to the locker room, not even bothering to shower before he throws all his things in his bag. He celebrates with his teammates for a few minutes, but as they start to get ready to shower, he’s leaving the locker room faster than he ever has.

You lean against the wall as you anxiously wait to see Evan exiting the locker room, and you can’t help the squeal you let out when you finally see him, a large grin erupting on your face. You practically run over to him and wrap your arms around his neck, overwhelmed by the happiness you feel. He drops his bag and wraps his arms around your waist quickly, a soft noise escaping his throat as you run into him.

“Hi, princess.” he says at the same time as you say “you did so good.” You both laugh softly before he responds in your ear, not wanting to let you go.

“Of course, I did. I had my good luck charm with me.” You laugh softly, pulling back just enough to meet his lips in a searing kiss. But, almost immediately after you kiss him, you pull back, a worried expression taking over your face.

“Are you okay? You took a pretty hard hit.” you ask softly, your hands moving to his cheeks, searching his eyes for any sign of pain. He chuckles softly, shaking his head as he feels his cheeks flush slightly.

“I’m fine, princess. Don’t worry about me.” he whispers before leaning in again, pulling you as close to him as he can with his hands on your waist. He pulls back after a moment, not wanting to get caught by the rest of the team;

he knows he’d never hear the end of it.

He picks up his bag and wraps his arm around your shoulder, leading you back to the jeep. You look up at him beside you, noticing the gleam of sweat on his face, and the way his hair sticks to his neck.

“Are we going right to the party? Or are you gonna shower first?” you ask teasingly, giving him a cheeky smile as he looks down at you with a scoff.

“I’m gonna stop by my place and shower quick, princess, don’t worry.” he tells you, giving you a wink as he pulls you closer. You gag jokingly, pushing him away from you, mumbling a “good” as you finally get to the jeep.

“You’re welcome to join me if you want.” he says once you’re both in the jeep, looking over at you with a raised brow. You can feel your cheeks heating up as you meet his gaze, fighting back a smile as you shake your head.

“I don’t get that, it makes no sense. Showers are supposed to be relaxing. If there are two people, one person is standing in the water and the other person is cold.” you tell him seriously, although the more you think of it, the more you like the idea of showering with him. He chuckles at your response, rolling his eyes as he begins to drive the short distance back to his place.

“Well, yeah, if the other person is selfish. You wouldn’t be selfish in the shower, though, would you?” he teases, grabbing your thigh tightly, his thumb gently running across your inner thigh in a drastic contrast.

“I guess you’ll never know.” you tell him teasingly, smirking as you cross your arms over your chest.

“Yeah, but I’d like to.” he murmurs as you look out the window, which makes you laugh softly, shaking your head again.

As you make your way to his house, you can’t help the grin plastered to your face. Evan has the windows down, blasting his music, and you can hear the giddy chatter of passing students as they walk down the sidewalk. His hand stays on your hand the entire time, and as you take in all the joy in the air, you feel the excitement bubbling up inside you for the night to come.

next chapter

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[brattyfork]

can you write a matt smut that starts out as reader cockwarming him while he plays his game and he loses and moves around and reader moans from it and it continues from there?

good luck charm

summary: matt’s been playing video games for too long, you get bored

warnings: cockwarming, soft dom/daddy matt, humiliation if u look close enough

somewhat inspired by @somethingheavenknows “gaming chair”

“matttyyyy” i whined “im bored”

my boyfriend had been playing fortnite for hours, no exaggeration, and i needed attention.

normally i had no issue with him playing video games, it gave me a chance to just hang out in his bed and go on my phone, occasionally color or play a game myself. but ever since “og fortnite” came back, he was always on his pc.

“wanna come sit on my lap?”

i groaned but it was better than nothing, then i got an idea. i slipped off my sweatpants i was wearing and unclasped my bra, pulling it through my sleeve. this left me in matt’s pink hershey bear tee and some black lace panties.

i walked over to him, sliding my hand on his shoulder and arm before he looked at me, quickly turning his attention back to the game. then, just as quickly, he looked back at me, his eyes going from my face, to my chest, then my thighs and back up again. i gave him an innocent smile and he smirked in return. matt patted his lap. i obeyed, awkwardly climbing over him and adjusting myself until i was comfy.

“better?” he asked genuinely.

“a little” he gave me a sweet kiss before i nuzzled (xD) my head into his neck, his scent filled up my lungs, intoxicating me.

after another ten minutes, i got bored again, short attention span i guess. i lifted my head slightly, so i was level with his ear, and pulled off the headphone covering it.

“can i give you a hickey daddy?”

he put his headphone back over his ear, which i assumed meant no. i rested back where i had been, trying to hide my disappointment.

“hey guys, i’ll keep playing but i don’t wanna be on call anymore, you’re too loud” i smiled, hearing the guys on the other side protesting.

“bye guys” he said, taking off his headset and unplugging it.

“you wanna mark me baby? make sure everyone knows i’m yours?”

“yes daddy” i whispered into his ear. i could feel him hardening under me.

“go ahead my love”

as soon as matt gave me the green light i began placing kisses all along his neck, making him chuckle lightly. i picked a spot everyone could see and began sucking my mark into him. i could feel him getting harder by the second, only amping me up more. i wanted more, i needed more.

i ground down into him, pulling a groan from him before he moved one of his hands from the controller to my hip and squeezing. hard.

“you gotta stay still baby”

“i need more daddy please”

he was quiet for a second, thinking of ways we could both get what we want. a smile crept up on his face.

“you wanna be my cockwarmer?”

i pulled back, a smile forming on my face while i nodded. he already knew the answer, seeing as it was one of my favorite things to do.

“words princess”

“yes, want you inside me daddy”

he gave me a quick kiss before placing his controller on the desk in front of him. he smacked my ass lightly, his way of telling me to sit up so he could pull his sweats and boxers down. he moved my panties to the side, feeling how wet i was in the process.

“aw my poor baby, you’re soaked” he teased.

i just whined, pulling him into a kiss as he used my arousal to slick up his cock. he lined himself up, pressing my thighs and making me sink down on him. i tried to pull away from the kiss to let my moans out but he bit my lip and swallowed my noises.

once i had bottomed out, matt pulled away from the kiss and brought his hand up to my face. he had such a hard grip on my face that i couldn’t look anywhere but him.

“wanna play a game baby?”

i looked at him confused, pouting a bit because i did not want to play video games.

“you’ll like it i promise” he smiled, staring into my eyes. “i’m gonna play another round with the guys, you’re going to sit here and be a good cockwarmer” i frowned. as much as i loved cockwarming him, i needed more, i just wanted him to fuck me already.

“and if you’re a good cockwarmer, which means no moving, no sounds, no clenching, then daddy’ll fuck you however you want.”

i perked up, my eyes meeting his again. i smiled and nodded, this was gonna be fun.

“i’m gonna get back on the call, you’re gonna be silent. you wouldn’t want everyone hearing your sweet noises” i might actually want that.

“or maybe you do, maybe you want everyone to know what a little slut you are for daddy” fuck, he can read my mind.

i nestled my head in his neck again, feeling my cheeks heat up from embarrassment.

“either way, you’re going to be silent, be good for daddy. understood?”

“i understand daddy” i squeaked out, knowing he would want verbal confirmation. “my smart little girl” i smiled at the praise.

i let out a big sigh, getting as comfortable as i could while matt opened the discord (LMFAO) app on his phone and hopped on the channel with everyone.

“hey i’m back” he said, placing his phone on the desk and grabbing his controller.

“why?” someone whose voice i didn’t recognize asked.

“i got bored” lie

“what about y/n?” i tensed up when i heard nick say my name.

“she’s good” he placed a kiss on my cheek, letting me know i was doing well, “she’s zoned out on tiktok” another lie

i held back a giggle, amused by his very blatant lies.

it had been about twenty minutes and if we’re being honest i was a mess. i was basically drooling all over matt’s shirt but i was being good. i hadn’t moved or clenched and i stayed silent. it was hard but i just focused on how good it would be when he finally fucked me.

at one point, matt started button mashing, tensing his cock inside me. out of instinct and desperate to not make any noise, i bit down on his shoulder. i expected some reprimand from him but he said nothing. i decided that might be a good way to distract myself.

i started slowly placing wet kisses down his neck and shoulder, seeing if he would stop me. he didn’t though, he kept playing his game, making small talk with his friends. i began sucking small hickies into his shoulder and neck, his tank top allowing me access to more skin. it was a good coping mechanism, until they lost.

“damnit chris!” matt shouted, the other guys making similar remarks. in his anger, he pushed up into me, making me bite down on his shoulder again to hold back any noise.

matt leaned forward and ended the call, leaving his controller next to his phone.

“‘m sorry daddy” i felt bad, tears filled my lash line at the thought of him being mad at me.

“it’s okay angel, it’s not your fault i lost, if anything you helped, my little good luck charm” he rubbed my back, giving me a kiss on my head, still buried in his neck.

matt pulled my head back, cupping my face in his hands. he looked into my eyes and must’ve saw the tears because his expression dropped.

“hey, hey baby, don’t cry. are you okay?”

“jus don’t want you to be mad at me”

he pulled me into a sweet short kiss before disconnecting out lips and pressing his forehead against mine.

“daddy’s not mad sweetheart, you were so good for me” i could hear the relief in his voice, knowing i wasn’t hurt.

“and because you were so good, daddy’s gonna fuck you however you want. you still want that baby?”

i nodded frantically, him stilling my movements by kissing me. matt stood up, holding right underneath my ass. i gasped into the kiss, which was muffled in his lips. matt kept kissing me, fighting to explore my mouth with his tongue. there was no need though, i parted my lips, letting him in with no resistance from me. he kicked his bottoms off and placed me on the bed, hovering over me. he moved his kisses down my neck, nipping at my skin.

“how do you want me to fuck you angel?”

i honestly hadn’t thought about it, despite how much time i had, but the feeling of his weight on top of me, the thought of our chests pressed together and being able to watch his face contort in pleasure made the choice easy.

“fuck, like this daddy please, wanna see you” i grabbed at his shirt, pulling it up his torso as much as i could before he yanked it over his head.

matt pulled my shirt up and lifted it gently over my head, careful not to get it stuck on my nose or ears. i blushed at the simple gesture, he was always so gentle with me, even when he wanted to ruin me, matt made sure i was comfortable.

he finally began thrusting into me, my eyes rolled into the back of my head. i was getting the pleasure i had been craving for the last hour, and it was incredible.

“god you feel so good baby, so warm and tight” his words drove me crazy and he knew it.

i could feel my orgasm approaching quickly, matt’s deep thrusts becoming too much.

“daddy, ‘m close” i whined.

“gonna cum already baby? is daddy making you feel that good?”

“yes fuck feels so good”

“let go for me princess, be a good girl and cum on my cock” he sped up his thrusts.

i let out a moan that could almost be classified as a scream as matt fucked me through my high. but i quickly realized, he wasn’t stopping.

“daddy! s��too much” i yelled, clawing my nails down his back and along his arms.

“you can take it baby, you’re gonna cum one more time for me okay? whenever you’re ready”

i let out the most pathetic, lewd noises known to man as matt ruthlessly pounded into me. the only term to describe it was euphoric, i was seeing stars every time i closed my eyes. i could feel my orgasm creeping up on me again, i wanted to warn matt but i couldn’t form a sentence. i babbled at him, parts of words coming out between whines and moans.

“close again angel?” i just whimpered at him, hoping he’d know what i meant.

“go on baby, i wanna feel you clench around me then daddy’ll fill you with his cum” he whispered into my ear, speeding up his thrusts even more if possible. i needed him to cum inside me, i felt like i’d die if i didn’t feel him fill me up.

“please” i managed to squeak out.

i let out a loud cry before matt placed his lips on mine, absorbing any noise i made. as soon as i came, i felt his hot cum coating my walls. he fucked me through both of our orgasms before collapsing on top of me. it was the most incredible feeling i’ve ever experienced, i felt like i was floating, despite his weight on top of me.

matt propped himself up on his elbows and began peppering my face with kisses. i giggled, pulling my hands up to my face to try and cover it. he grabbed my wrists moving them away and placed a passionate kiss to my lips. it was the kind of kiss that says ‘i love you, i cherish you’ without any words. matt pulled away.

“you okay my love?” he asked, finally pulling out of me. i felt so empty without him, it was such a strange feeling.

“mhm” i nodded.

“you wanna take a nap?”

“yes please”

matt began to pull out of me but i wrapped my legs around him, my feet kicking his butt. (lol) he looked at me confused.

“can you stay inside me?” i looked up at him, making the best puppy eyes i could. the thought of him pulling out, not being filled by him, honestly made me sad.

“are you sure baby?” he knew i liked cockwarming but not this much.

“please, i feel so full, it feels so fucking good” he giggled at me, kissing all over my face again.

“do you know how much i love you?” he placed a kiss on my forehead, “how cute you are?” a kiss on my nose, “how goddamn sexy you are?” finally kissing my lips.

“i think i have an idea”

[mommypieck]

⌗︙・toxic things aot boys do ⸜⸜・

✿ eren, armin, jean

eren

"are you fucking kidding me?" eren spits, looking at you with a angry expression. he's holding your found and you see that he opened the chat with your friend.

"what's wrong, eren?" you ask him softly, trying to caress his arm but he snaps it away.

"why is some random boy texting you that he wants to see you again." he says and you know he's close to cracking.

"he's just a friend. and why are you holding my phone anyway?" you ask him. it's true. eren goes through your phone all the time. as soon as he hears you have a notification, he's grabbing it to check who's texting you. he even made himself your background wallpaper and turned off notifications for everyone other than himself. no matter how many times you tell him to not touch your phone.

armin

"but i thought you loved me." he says with the sweetest voice he can master. you told him you can't hang out with him and he took it personally.

"i do love you. i just have to do something for my mum." you try to explain but you're only met with armin shaking him head.

"I get it. i hate myself too." he says as he slams the door of the bedroom closed. you knock at the door, trying to get him to open it but no use.

"im gonna open it once you apologize." he says and you gasp. you have nothing to apologize for yet he wants one. it's all his fault that he has to overreact every time you don't have time for him. you sigh, knowing you have to apologize otherwise he won't come out. it's like this every time. he makes you believe it's your fault and that you're harming him by not spending time with you. he never yells at you, he's calm and he coats you with sweet words while he gaslights you.

jean

"im going out, bye jean." you say, opening the door. as you are about to close to door, he appears in the doorway.

"who are you going out with?" he questions out. you know where this is about to head. you tell him that you're just going out with your female friends and that no males are going to be around.

"but f/n is single, isn't she?" he asks. you don't know what's your single friend got to do with it but you nod.

"men are gonna hit on her and you'll be there too. there's no way im gonna let you go." he leads you into the house, closing the door behind you. your eyebrows furrow and you want to fight him but you know that you're not gonna change his stubborn mind. it's not the first time he didn't allow you to go out. he acts like your body guard but he's way too overprotective. because of his tactics, you missed all meetings with your friends. and when you tried to explain that males are gonna be everywhere, he said that it would be better if you stayed locked in the house with him.

[miumura]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 — TEN THINGS I HATE ; JAY FIC

“ I’ll do better, if you stay with me like this. ”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ where jay keeps a journal where he documents all the reasons he hates you, his rival. despite claiming he will forever hate you, keeping this journal only makes him realize his feelings for you.

PAIRING rival!jay x gn!reader

GENRE angst, fluff — WARNINGS jealousy ; overthinking !

WORD COUNT 1.7K+ (1730)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ soph strikes again!! angst cb, did we cheer?? anyways i was in the feels okay 😢 listening to music while writing really unlocks something in ur brain im telling you…idk what really went thru my mind when making this but enjoy 😊🫶

#1 – HOW YOU’RE GOOD AT EVERYTHING.

Is it normal to have a journal dedicated to someone you hate? Whatever, I just need to get this off my chest. Whenever you’re involved, it’s like I could have nothing I want. It’s stupid, but I don’t care, it just pisses me off when you easily follow instructions, perfect things on your first try, and get all the awards I wish to have. I admit, jealousy consumes me. It's frustrating how effortlessly you seem to achieve anything you want without even trying. Seeing your achievements plastered all over the school only intensifies my anger, making me wish I could tear your posters into shreds. I've never despised second place more than now. Why can't I find contentment with my own scores or position, just like you? How can I remove you from my life and find peace within myself?

#2 – HOW CHEERFUL YOU ARE.

How is it possible for someone to remain so happy throughout the entire day? I can't help but wonder if you possess some magical influence over my friends, as they seem to shower you with compliments non-stop. It's weird to hear nothing but praise for you while I find myself complaining about various things. It's almost as if nobody comprehends why I harbor such animosity towards you, and this frustrates me immensely. Every time I express my emotions, they tell me to laugh and smile more, as if I don't already do it enough. But then, when I contemplate your cheerful and positive demeanor, it becomes clear why they encourage it. You're like the epitome of a model student everyone aspires to be, while I remain the perpetually angry and stubborn person. No wonder everyone wants to spend time with you, and perhaps that's one thing I can agree with others on.

#3 – YOU LIKE THINGS THAT I LIKE.

It's almost like a curse that we share the same interests. It's the reason I keep encountering you everywhere. Whatever I do, you seem to be there, expressing your fondness for the same things with your friends. It's frustrating, and I can't help but roll my eyes at the thought of encountering you even more. Even listening to music has become a challenge, as I know you like the same artists. I purposely skip their songs because they only remind me of you, and I hate being consumed by thoughts of you. I yearn to stop learning more about you so that I can enjoy the things I like in peace, without these constant reminders of you.

#4 – YOU MAKE ME OVERTHINK.

Maybe because of how perfect you seem to be in other’s eyes, I wonder how I look in other people’s eyes too. Am I that awful to hang out with? Am I always seen as this angry person who hates everyone? I’m not that, I know that–my friends do as well. But others? I’m not so sure about that. What confuses me even more is why you persist in wanting to spend time with me despite any perceived flaws or stubbornness on my part. You could easily choose to be with other people who might seem better to converse with. Yet, you continue to stick around, refusing to give up on our “friendship”. And because of this, I can see how others might form a negative opinion about me. My constant push to keep you away could be misunderstood, leading people to believe I'm simply a horrible person.

#5 – YOU LIKE ME.

I'm not sure if you have romantic feelings for me, but I can tell that you consider me a friend. It's interesting because I hadn't thought of you in that way before, but it doesn't seem to bother you. Today, you stood up for me, and it felt really heartening. Normally, I might have felt angry or vulnerable when someone defends me, but this time it was different. I don’t know, it just did feel really nice. Your quick response in telling those people to stop was captivating, even though I didn't express my gratitude at the moment. Lately, I've been struggling with the loud voices in my head, and sometimes I wonder if you could help quiet them too. But now, I'm not sure what I'm trying to convey. You confuse me a lot.

#6 – YOU GIVE THE WRONG PEOPLE SECOND CHANCES.

The other day, I saw you in tears because someone had broken your heart. I must admit, I was taken aback because I had never seen you sad or upset before. It was quite a contrast to the cheerful version of yourself that I'm familiar with. What happened to you that everyone sees all the time? I hope you had someone to tell you your problems too, as it’s not easy for someone who is your rival to be comforting you. I didn’t, so I hope you went home that night filled with less worries because you have someone to talk with.

What surprised me even more was that the very next day, you gave the person who hurt you a second chance. I can't help but wonder why you keep allowing people to hurt you when it's likely they'll repeat the same behavior, ultimately affecting your radiant smile. Stop going back to the people that hurt you once, it’s only going to be a cycle. I wish I could share these thoughts with you, but I hesitate because I doubt you'd take them to heart coming from someone like me. However, I can't help caring despite my own imperfections. It's puzzling to me as well, as you make me feel oddly connected to your feelings.

#7 – SEEING YOUR TEARS.

I never imagined how much I could despise seeing someone cry until the moment I witnessed your tears. Ever since that day, I always thought about it, so how could I let it slip out of my mind this time? I’m sorry for yelling at you today. I’m sorry for saying I hate you. I didn’t mean it, I was just extremely frustrated today, and not at you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know how saying this won’t do anything, but I truly mean it. I wish I could rewind time once I saw water fill up in your eyes, but what’s done is done. You made me realize something crucial—that I've always seen you as a rival, whereas you only wanted to be friends with me. I allowed my competitive nature to ruin our chances of a meaningful connection. I fear now that you might avoid me, and I understand if you do. I worry that I might continue to hurt you, just like the people you often encounter, who don't treat you with the kindness you deserve. You deserve better than that, and I'm sorry for contributing to your pain.

#8 – GIVING ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

I never imagined we'd get another chance after what happened. I tried avoiding you, genuinely attempting to keep my distance. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't resist reaching out to talk to you again. It's almost as if we both sensed the need to address the situation, leading us to have that important conversation. I still don’t know why you gave me another chance. Did I not say hurtful things to you? How easily are you able to put that behind? Your ability to forgive and move past it leaves me in awe.

It's making me reflect on my own flaws, especially how I tend to hold grudges and struggle to let go of negative feelings. I can't quite comprehend how you do it, but you make me think about you more than ever before. Every word I speak now feels like it needs to be carefully considered, thanks to your presence in my thoughts. Your gesture of offering another chance touched me deeply and brought a smile to my face. I can't help but wonder what you've done to influence me in this way. I think you really did something to me.

#9 – FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS.

We've connected much faster than I anticipated, even surprising my friends. I'm left wondering what you've done to me. You've become an all-encompassing thought – your smile, your laughter, your sense of humor – everything about you fills my mind. At times, I ponder whether I ever cross your thoughts too. Could this be love? My friends have mentioned it, and I can't find a way to refute them. I'm fond of you, immensely so. Isn't that a crazy twist?

It's a strange journey we're on. I started this journal to document the reasons I disliked you, but look at where it's led us. Is it too soon to be feeling this way? The idea of revealing my feelings is terrifying, yet I'm unsure if I'll ever have another opportunity. Please bear with me, allow me to find the right moment. Perhaps soon, hopefully, you'll be in my arms. I realize how absurd all this sounds – what am I even saying?

#10 – HOW EASY YOU WON ME OVER.

You won. You won my heart effortlessly, but I didn't win yours in return. I'm burdened with regret for how I've treated you. My ignorance and neglect weigh heavily on me now. It's painfully clear that he's all you've ever been able to think about. Why did I delude myself into thinking I could make a difference? If only I had treated you with the kindness you deserved from the start. Could that have made you love me instead? These thoughts haunt me.

I've grown aware of my own attachment, and I'm sorry for allowing it to consume me. I apologize for the disruption I've caused in your recent weeks. I can't bring myself to be genuinely happy for you and him, though he does seem like a better man than I could ever be. It's evident that I need to move on for your sake, to make things easier for you. Yet, there's a part of me that wishes I could still claim you as mine. That longing will always remain unchanged.

I doubt you'll ever stumble upon this journal entry, not that I would ever permit anyone to. But regardless, I want you to know that I do love you. It's a truth that's etched deeply within me, even though it pains me to admit it.

💭 — fun fact this was supposed to have a happy ending until i pulled out spotify n listened to lyn lapid…yeah.

ENHA PERM TAGLIST (🎥) — @flwoie @ixomiyu @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @starcubes @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @woon2u @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @flwrshee @skzenhalove @misokei @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise @litttlestars @enhapocketz

[klausysworld]

Hi. I was wondering if you would be willing to write something for me?

I was thinking a sub!Klaus where Mikael shows back up in their lives and the siblings have to all kill him and once they do Klaus kind of falls into his headspace because it was all so much on him and he was scared and worried for his Mommy. He does it right there in front of his siblings for the first time, he’s just really clingy and babyish and needy? I think it would be adorable!

Don’t be sorry

“Y/n?” Elijah’s voice came from my phone as I sat up and turned my lamp on

“Elijah? Is everything alright?” I asked while getting up and out of my bed

“I know it’s late and I’m sorry if I woke you but it’s Niklaus” he began and I frowned

“Is he okay? Did something happen?” I questioned quickly now fully awake

“Our father was in town, he’s gone now, we killed him but it seems to have taken it’s toll on Niklaus. I believe he may need you” he explains and I quickly pull a sports bra on, throw a t-shirt over the top and pulled a pair of joggers up my legs

“Is he with you? Can you put him on the phone?” I asked hurriedly while shoving my sock clad feet into my trainers and rubbing down the stairs with my phone in hand

“He’s with Rebekah at the moment, she’s trying to calm him down but….” He trailed off and I knew he had slipped

“Just tell him I’m on my way, I wont even be 5 minutes Elijah, just don’t let him leave” I directed before hanging up and throwing myself into my car and speeding to the abattoir.

The second I arrived I was on my feet and shoving the door open, nearly tripping up the stairs before pushing his door open.

Rebekah looked almost as distraught as Klaus himself as she rubbed his back and looked to a panic filled Elijah.

Nik was curled up into himself, his knees to his chest and his face in his arms as he let sob after sob shake through his body.

The second Elijah saw me he was pulling Rebekah away for me to get to him.

I pulled him tight against me and my fingers went straight to his hair “Niklaus” I whispered “can you look at me puppy?” I asked gently, my hand helping to lift his head up to turn to me. Tears stained his cheeks and his eyes raised to mine while his lips formed a pout. “Hi baby” I cooed as my hands came up to cup his face “how about we get up off the floor a moment?” I suggested with the tilt of my head

“Im sorry” he whispered with a sniff making me shake my head

“Whatever for? You have done nothing wrong, nothing” I told him. His eyes glanced behind me to his siblings and I stroked his cheek with my thumb, “they’re not upset with you Nik, they just want to help. Everyone here loves you, no more death” I murmur kissing his cheek

“He’s gonna come back” he whimpered while leaning against me, his head tucking under my chin

“I promise you he will not come back. He’s never gonna hurt you again, you’re safe now baby, you’re going to be just fine.” I promised but his head shook

“He always comes back” tears hit my collarbone as he spoke and my arms went around him

“Next time I’m gonna be right there with you okay? I’ll keep you safe” I whispered kissing the top of his head

“No” he whimpered “no he’ll kill you” he cried “please don’t” he cried as he crawled further onto my lap, his face nuzzling up into the crook of my neck

“He wouldn’t dare” I mumble “He would never hurt me, he knows I would drag his ass straight to the fiery pits of hell” I half joked making him let out a breath against my shoulder and clung to me tighter. “He’s never gonna lay a hand on you ever again, I promise you” I whispered.

I kissed his temple and turned my head to Elijah “can you come lift him for me?” I asked and he quickly made his way over, we got him onto his bed and back in my lap. I stroked his head as my other hand unclipped my bra and pulled it off. “Nik, come here” I murmured to him lifting my top. He complied and went underneath, his lips finding my breast quickly. “Good boy, we’re all so proud of how strong you were today” I praised as he began to suck at my nipple. “You’re my angel” I whispered and he whimpered

“I’m sorry” he mumbled again and I scratched at his head lightly

“You shouldn’t be sorry, you were perfect” I reminded “you saved your family”

I looked to Elijah and Rebekah as they approached and sat on the end of the bed “We love you Niklaus” Rebekah told him quietly

His hands held onto my torso as he nuzzled my chest

“He’ll feel better in the morning” I whispered to them and they both nodded before slowly leaving the room. I rubbed his back leisurely and hummed a tune as his lashes fluttered against my skin. “I love you puppy” I muttered brushing my fingers through his curls

“I love you mommy” he whispered and I let out a soft sigh and gave him a little squeeze of my arms around him

“I love you too” I breathed

“Please don’t leave me” he whispered and I frowned

“Never”

[alexander-arcturus-black-lupin]

Best Friends, Right?

Pairing: Matheo Riddle x fem!Reader (y/n)

Fandom: Harry Potter

Summary: You're in the common room studying and Matheo is so close. 

You were in the common room reading a book. Classes were out and you needed to relax. You were cuddling with Matheo. You were friends, best friends. 

Or atleast.  

That’s what you both told everyone, but deep down. No matter how to tried, you knew. You liked him. You like Matheo fucking Riddle. You don’t know how, when or what he did, but you had gained a crush on him. But the thing is, it was one sided. 

Matheo was with a different girl everyday. The boys joked that he changed girls faster than clothes. You didn’t want to ruin your friendship so you kept quiet. 

For a year.

Unbeknownst to you Matheo who you thought was having a nap had woken up a while ago. He noticed you’d zoned out. He straightened and pulled you closer, putting his nose in your neck. 

“Teo? Are you awake?” He said nothing as he continued holding you closer.He felt you lower your book and caress his cheek, “You’re really cute while you sleep, and pretty although i’ll never ever tell you this if you were awake” you played with his hair a bit then went back to your book. “Maybe that’s why I fell for you,” he froze. 

Maybe that’s why i fell for you

Soon you had put down your book (using your wand since any movement might wake up Matheo) and you laid back into him. His sleepy hands wrapped around you bringing you closer.

“You fell for me,” he mumbled into your neck. You froze. Shit. He was awake.

"What?" You feigned confusion.

"Don't play daft darling I heard you earlier," he mumbles, his gaze still on you. You had said that part outloud. He waits for an answer, his eyes roving over you.

"I- it's a silly crush i had a while ago, like a really really long time agao, it's not really something to think hard about, because like obviously you don't feel the same way so let's just ignore th-" Matheo rolls his eyes and you stop.

"Weren't you the one who said to stop assuming things," he drawls his voice low and husky. You furrow your brow. What?

"Teo, What am i assuming?" He comes closer, and closer till he's a hair breadth away.

"That I don't feel the same," your eyes unfocuse and a shaky gasp leaves your lips, your gaze drops to the lips you've been fantasising about since 5th year. "Speechless are we love?"

"But you, you're with a different girl everyday Teo, I'm not interested in being one of them," he tilts his head a slight smile on his face.

"The reason, I thought was quite clear since Enzo, Teddy, Draco and Pansy couldn't keep their mouth shut or their jokes to themselves." You're definitely confused now.

"Darling, the reason I'm with another girl everyday is because I'm hoping I might feel something for them, that I might love them, that I'd be released from loving someone who didn't look my way," he chuckles. "The first day we met, I introduced myself, hand stretched and everything, only for you to just drop your name and go back to your book, leaving me hanging," you chuckle remembering that day.

"I apologised didn't I"

"Yes, but you still made an impression, an impression that made me fall hopelessly in love with you," Matheo plays with your hand.

"But you never looked at me like that, or atleast I didn't know you ever looked at me like that, so the girls I went out with were a distraction from you,"

"You love me?-" you were cut off as he kisses you, his hands wrapping around your waist bringing you in, onto his lap. You lazyly kissed him back relishing in it.

"I say all that and you still have to ask," you smile and say nothing before laying your head im his shoulder breathing in his scent.

You just giggling and kiss him again, and again and again and again.

"I should be concerned about all the affection I'm receiving but strangely I'm not, Do you want to go for desert downstairs," Matheo says. "Consider it our first date, official date,"

"I'd like that,"

[simplyreveries]

hewwoooo i was the anon who requested the trey + vil with plus-sized reader :3 i really love your writing!!!! so expect me to come back here pretty often :D you can call me 🫀 anon from now on hehe (and also expect all my requests to be platonic except for trey oop)

im here for another request !! may i request the shroud brothers, vil, leona and trey with an ignihyde!reader ?? my self-insert is actually an ignihyde student based on the fates so i cant really insert myself into twst x readers with yuu!reader lol. no pressure tho <3

here ya go!! I'm super happy you liked my other one, I apologize for this one's wait i got busy!<3

idia shroud

it’ll take a while for the two of you to become any sorts of close. i can imagine your meetings (even though he's your own DORM LEADER lmao) will be brief and vague, sometimes seemingly halfhearted when he is forced to tell his dorm something, to which he usually just messages.

you’ll find him lurking and leaving his room in the late hours to get something or go the sam's mystery shop if it's still open for instant food or stuff of that sorts. nevertheless, you still are an ignihyde student so you two do seem to get along pretty well. even in those short moments— he finds himself being okay around you.

i guess you could say he is relieved you're one of the few people who won't make idia feel utterly awkward or uncomfortable running into so that's definitely some sort of a relief for him. in fact, that usually entails you two ending up hanging out together or doing something stupidly fun together.

ortho shroud

aside from idia he actually did make an effort to get to know you in the first place and in his attempts to get idia out more, suggested you guys hang out at times! he’d claim and tell idia how interesting of a person you were— plenty of stories as someone who even has been or lived in their homelands, the shaftlands!! he wants to see everyone in the dorm get along well. so, you may see him actively trying to get you and idia to be friends as well haha

im sure you two did become unlikely friends though it's inevitable, especially with ortho. he is happy to see his brother get along with you, its very common soon enough that you guys commonly hang out together.

ortho is very sweet whenever you pass him by in the dorm or in school always saying "hello" or asking how you're feeling. he's happy to be able to get along with others in his dorm.

vil schoenheit

he's curious about you quite a bit considering he knows how the reputation of ignihyde students are well…. very reclusive and don't really interact much with others and other dorms. he has worked with ignihyde students in the past with favors and needing stuff for his film making club (like the magical wheel he needed for epel once) which usually makes him prompt to coming towards you a lot to inquire and get any tech and gadgets that could be used for films they're making… even if you may not be the most outgoing person, he’ll surprisingly feel quite easy to talk to.

if you tend to take on the habits of your fellow dormmates or your dorm leader, he will once in a while tell you to make sure you're taking care of yourself and make sure you're doing things like self-care or sleeping right. it's nothing harsh or anything but it's a small way he looks out for you as he gets closer to you throughout time.

you're like a favored student of his from that dorm, he has grown to be pretty fond of. you've piqued his interest enough and helped him out too that he does seem kinder to you in ways.

leona kingscholar

originally, he really had no interested talking to or frankly being around any of that dorm. besides like idia during dorm leader meetings, he barely even knew anyone there despite it being at least his 4th year in that school. he still finds it, unusual and even strange that you've become rather close to him (even if that may feel one sided but it's just leona ok)

he does tend to feel more content and okay with you if you’re more on the quieter side anyway. he does grow a small sense of fondness to you— he even finds himself slightly surprised as your the last person he expected to garner his attention. but nevertheless, you found yourself nicely close to him even if he doesn’t show it the best.

leona sometimes makes quips or teases about your own dorm, how considerably different the two may be. especially a lot at first before you two grew closer, he just found it strange almost, to find yourself close to him.

trey clover

its funny because besides like ortho or idia and maybe a few various students of that dorm here and there in the school— ever so introverted and quiet he doesn't see that many of your dorm. even cater himself admits he doesn't seem to really know or have any friends from that dorm and he's cater! trey will muse he’s beaten cater at that by dating one.

you may have to get used to his dorm being pretty social, considering all the events they hold whereas you’re probably used to the cold and quiet ignihyde dorms. you may have to even adjust whenever you decide to come over and see trey, especially with people like cater or ace who are heavily social.

he hopes you’ll grow and find yourself comfortable there, you’ll find him laughing bashfully when pointing out their antics in comparison to the dormmates you're used to. you'll find him chuckling asking how you manage to put up with some of them, he can only imagine how different it must be for you.

[hollowhearts-and-espresso]

on an outsiders kick so heres the main gang as things me and my friends have said

Soda: Your wish is my command. Be gay forever

Steve: I'm still straight but I'd fuck you now

Soda: Not that gay

--

Darry: I dont really like you. Why are you always hanging around?

Dally: I ask myself the same thing every single day

--

Pony: I know we're supposed to be saying embarrassing things about ourselves but before we talk about me i'm really upset Two-Bit didnt mention the fact that he was in love with thomas the train

Two-Bit: i watched ONE episode when i was FIVE go fuck yourself

Pony: You have a shrine by your bed

Two-Bit: irrelevant

--

Johnny: I'm not really scared of anything, no

Johnny: but cats freak me out. and so do dogs, sometimes, but mainly cats. and especially ducks. oh, and needles, and doctors in general. also loud noises, sharp objects near me, any sort of projectile, and stoves. but like, thats not that many things

Dally: I understand so much about you now

--

Pony: I'm going to write a novel and all of you are gonna have characters based off you. Any questions about it?

Two-Bit: Am I hot?

Pony: No. Next question

Darry: Am I going to regret reading this?

Pony: For sure. Next.

Johnny: Please dont make me a crybaby

Pony: You shouldnt read this. Next

Steve: Can me and Soda date?

Pony: You already are. Next

Soda: Can me and Steve not date?

Pony: Too late. You know you love him. Next

Dally: You're going to make my character really deep, arent you?

Pony: Possibly. Havent decided yet. Anything else?

Johnny: Is Dally as hot in the book as he really is?

Pony: I'll no longer be taking questions because I'm extremely uncomfortable, but on second thought, you might really like this book

--

Two-Bit, upon walking in on Steve and Soda cuddling: I leave for FIVE minutes and i'm left out of fucking everything. all the fucking time. i hate everyone in this house

Steve: Do you want to lay with us?

Soda: Yeah, come lay with us

Two-Bit, practically dropping himself on them: I'm still mad at you

--

Dally: For some reason Ponyboy is really obsessed with the idea of me being really soft inside and just not showing it so I dont get hurt. I think he wants me to be narrative foils with our other friend too

Dally: How do i tell him i'd change the narrative doom him if i could and feel no remorse without crushing that hope in him

--

Pony: I like to think its a secret but me and everyone around me knows im writing a slowburn, hes only soft to him trope, slight enemies to lovers fanfiction about Johnny and Dally in my head

Dally: the term fanfiction implies i have fans

Johnny: i'm a fan of you

Pony, whispering: they practically write it themselves

--

Dally: Here, i stole this. dont ask questions, just take it

Darry, taking the sleeping pigeon that Dally just handed him with a mildly horrified expression: where did you get this?

Dally: i told you i'd bring back souvenirs from my field trip. no more questions

--

Johnny: Not many people like me.

Johnny: its probably because im kind of a pussy, but i like to tell myself its because i'm annoying because at least then im not calling myself a pussy

Dally: Wait, wait. Who doesnt like you?

Johnny: Huh? Why does it matter?

Dally: No reason. Just, like, give me an example

Pony, in the kitchen and hears all of this: *puts the knives in the cabinet where Dally wont look for them* I dont really want to have to bail anyone out again

--

Soda, to Darry: I think Steve is kind of in love with me, but I really dont want to have to break it to him that I dont feel the same

Steve, with Soda in his lap: *stops playing with Sodas hair* What?

Soda: Nothing, baby, you're fine

Darry: I will never understand you

--

yes, one of my friends did bring a live pigeon back from a field trip. it slept a lot, and we'd hold him all the time while he slept and he'd stay asleep when we passed him around because we had to move. i hope he wasnt sick and is doing okay

[isatswap]

(full game in stars and time spoiler)

Better than a Quest

TTOS version of Really? He doesn't need your help with a quest? from ISAT

(You follow Mirabelle around for a while... Going through Dormont, then the forest, until...)

(A field?...)

(There's nothing around...)

(What could she possibly need?...)

Loop: "So, what do you need me to do?"

Mirabelle: Huh? Oh, yeah... Mirabelle: ...Lay down with me?

(Huh! Interesting.)

(You lay down.)

Loop: "Aaaand?..."

Mirabelle: And now.... Mirabelle: Look up!

(You do as she asks...)

(Stars, stars, stars, all around you.)

(You inhale sharply.)

Mirabelle: You know, when you asked me if I needed help earlier, I wasn't sure what to say! Mirabelle: I don't really need help with anything... And I think im all ready for tomorrow. Mirabelle: But I saw you run around and help everybody, and that looked super fun! And I thought... Mirabelle: "Loopie is making sure to help everyone, but I just wanna hang out with them!" Mirabelle: And so, heh, this is it! That's all I want you to do today! Let's just hang!!!

(Huh. That's....nice?)

(...)

Loop: (Wait.) "Why stars?"

Mirabelle: Oh! Mirabelle: Um... Mirabelle: So, you know how you say this word when you are annoyed or something bad happens? Mirabelle: I don't know what this language is, but I also heard King use it, before I left the House! Mirabelle: Back then I thought it was a swear word or something, like "crab"! But then I realised I could just ask King himself and... he told me it means "stars"! Mirabelle: And like him, you seem to know a lot about the sky! You once talked about the sun and the planets like you REALLY knew what you were talking about! Mirabelle: And also! When we spent nights outside, you'd spend most of it looking at the night sky. Mirabelle: And I thought that was interesting, because I've never thought about what was up there! None of my peers seemed to do so too, actually. But, um... Mirabelle: I thought, maybe, you'd like to see the stars? Together? Or just in general?

(...)

Mirabelle: Oh, also, you yourself...

(!!!)

(You freeze.)

Mirabelle: You kinda look like a star! In that cloak, at least.

(You breathe out. Right. Your spikes are a bit visible under the hood. She doesn't actually know.)

Mirabelle: Oh no, is that bad? Is it actually like a swear word, where you don't actually like stars and they are bad and gross??? Did I call you bad and gross? Did I step in it?....

(Oh. You've been silent for too long!)

Loop: "..." Loop: "No, you didn't step in it."

Mirabelle: Oh, phew! Got a bit scared, hehe. Though I should've asked King about it more...

Mirabelle: Anyway, I've also heard from King about seeing stuff in the stars, sometimes! Like, pictures! Mirabelle: They are called... uh... conste-something??

Loop: "Constellations."

Mirabelle: Constellations! Yes, that! Um, do you know some?

(You look up at the stars.)

(The stars look back silently.)

(You don't recognize any of them.)

Loop: "No, I don't know any."

Mirabelle: Hm... Mirabelle: ...You say I didn't step in it.... Mirabelle: Loopie...

(...You really like stars. And as Mira noted, you do look a lot like them. They are kind of... a family to you, even.) (You wish to tell that to her, but now is not the time.)

Loop: (Change the subject.) "Haha, no, you're fine, hahaha!"

Loop: "Tell me something?"

Mirabelle: Oh, sure! But what?

Loop: "Something about yourself, maybe?"

Mirabelle: Hm...Oh, I know! Mirabelle: So, you know I'm from here, right? Lived in Dormont, then moved to the House, all that jazz. Mirabelle: Spent almost my whole life here! Mirabelle: I liked living here. It was nice to know all the people in the town. And I liked being a Housemaiden very much! Mirabelle: i liked helping people out, Changing myself, learning new stuff... Mirabelle: But, um.... Mirabelle: I haven't told almost anything about the later parts of my life within the House to you all. Mirabelle: And that is because, at some point.... I realised I didn't wanna change anymore. Mirabelle: Housemaidens are supposed to change a lot. We even have yearly festivals dedicated to Change!

(Ah, that... you've heard Isa mention those, when you helped him...)

Mirabelle: But, I liked myself like I was! And I didn't want to abandon it! But I was supposed to! Mirabelle: And the thing that was distresing me most about Change was... bonding.

(!!!)

Loop: (Again, just like Isa.) "Oh yeah, I've heard from Isa that it's an important part of Change."

Mirabelle: ...Oh! Well, I shouldn't be suprised, Isabeau likes to talk about Change. Mirabelle: But yeah! When the question of bonding came up in my life, I realised... I didn't want any of it! Mirabelle: I don't wanna bond with someone! I don't want to love them in this special way! I don't want to do the things in bed! Mirabelle: The very idea of me being with someone in that way was so... alien to me. So wrong my very being rejected it. Mirabelle: Even then...I was ready to spend the rest of my life as a Housemaiden. Stepping over myself. Changing without the reason for change. Going against my very nature and eventually bonding with someone. Mirabelle: Just because I believed in Change. Mirabelle: .... Mirabelle: But after a long time of trying to come to terms with it, I realised... It wasn't worth it. Mirabelle: Spending my time in this cage of obligations. Mirabelle: It's kinda funny, in a way. Change belief, a belief about changing and being different, but also somehow restricting me this much. Mirabelle: This was my realisation. Isn't it a kind of Change, to break the mold, to be different from others? To not force yourself to fit in? Mirabelle: ... Mirabelle: It was was still scary. Mirabelle: Not even because of the belief. Mirabelle: But because of others. Mirabelle: I was afraid of what others would think. What kind of person I would be in their eyes. What kind of Housemaiden that would make me. Mirabelle: So... I decided to go on a pilgrimage. Mirabelle: Usually, people in Houses do it to Change more, but I.... Just needed to get away from this life. See new places. Meet even more people. Mirabelle: I guess that is Change, in hindsight. Mirabelle: But it was much more... free, you know? Just travelling by myself? Mirabelle: ...

(Mira stops for a bit.)

(Well that is interesting! You'd never would guess she has such qualms with her belief.)

Loop: (But...) "But why is you not changing such a secret?"

Mirabelle: ...Oh! Yeah, I haven't actually explained, haha. Mirabelle: ...I really care about Isabeau. He is still pretty new to this whole being a Housemaiden stuff. I just... don't want to interfere with that. I still help him, of course, but my story can discourage him, I feel. I think Isa better discover this himself, and then I'll help with that, than me telling him in advance. Or maybe Isa won't feel the same as me at all!

Loop: "And why not tell the others?"

Mirabelle: Well, uh, first of all, it would be kinda rude, and second of all, I feel like one of you would spill the beans, haha. Mirabelle: ...But also... I want you all to see me as strong. Not as someone who abandoned their home because they couldn't make it.

(Is that what she thinks we would think?....)

Loop: "Mira...." Loop: "You are strong. I think each of us would say that."

Mirabelle: !!! Mirabelle: Loopie, I.... Mirabelle: Thank you. Sincerely. Mirabelle: I just needed to hear that, I guess.

(She sighs.)

Mirabelle: You know.... when I met you all.... Mirabelle: I realised I didn't need to love anyone like I described. But... Mirabelle: I could still love you all as friends. Mirabelle: And I truly do. Mirabelle: I love how different you all are! Your clothes, your stories, your beliefs.... Mirabelle: But you, Loopie... feel more special to me. Mirabelle: You're, like, the coolest person I know! I want you to know that! Mirabelle: And I like spending time with you! I always learn something new from you, about theatre or stars or something else! Mirabelle: And how you have puns for every situation, Mirabelle: How you breathe in this way sometimes, and I could wish i could breathe with you to make you feel better, Mirabelle: And it makes me want to know about you more. Mirabelle: Hang out with you more, like this.

(Mira pauses again. You hear her whisper something under her breath.)

Mirabelle: Why is this so embarrassing?....

(You pretend to not hear it.)

Mirabelle: Wait, Loopie, look! A shooting star!

(You look up again, and...)

(Oh! It is there!)

(The star rushes by quickly, disappearing into the darkness.)

(...It is nice to hang out with her like this, though.)

Odile: Yep, there they are, knew it.

Bonnie: You are very observant, Dile!

Isabeau: Hi Loop, hi Mirabelle!!! We figured you'd be here! Isabeau: Um... can we join you two?

Mirabelle: EVERYONE IS HERE! Mirabelle: Yes, of course! Glad to see you, everyone!

Isabeau: Such a beautiful night... Was it your idea to come here, Mirabelle?

Mirabelle: Yeah!

Bonnie: Under the stars, eh? Very cute of you, Mira.

(Mira smiles even more.)

Mirabelle: Sure is, haha! It's good that you all like it. Mirabelle: I probably should have invited you....

Odile: But I still found you, so it's all good in the end.

Bonnie: I brought outr food!!! So we can eat here!

Isabeau: A nightly picnic!

Mirabelle: Oh, I can smell samosas... Mmmm...

Bonnie: Yeah, I made a lot. Loop, take one! Or two, even. You've earned it.

Isabeau: Loop sure worked hard today, didn't they? Thank you for your help earlier.

(You jump.)

Bonnie: Yeah, Loop, you've been a great help today!

Odile: Loop has shown me how to fight better. I'll be able to do more than just make our enemies feel bad, heh.

Isabeau: Oh, that's cool! Can't wait to see it in action, Odile!

Bonnie: Belle, did Loop help you too?

(You freeze.)

(Did you???)

Mirabelle: Heheh.....

Mirabelle: Of course Loop helped me today!!!

(Mira is looking at you with a gentle smile.)

Mirabelle: Thank you for spending time with me!! And talking with me!!!

(Oh.)

(Your hood hides your face already, but you still want to do it with your hands as well.)

Isabeau: How wonderful!

Bonnie: Thank you, o great helper!

Odile: Have another samosa.

Mirabelle: And some pâté and bread!

isabeau: I'm sure you want some tea, too!!!

Bonnie: And some of my curry--

(Woah woah woah!!!)

(Your plate is overflowing...!!!)

(You can see the food mountain sway back and forth!!!)

(You consume as much of it as posible before everything falls down.)

Isabeau: Oh!...

(...)

(You burp.)

Odile: Heheh, thats gross.

Mirabelle: Pfft!

Isabeau: Hahahahah!

Bonnie: Heh! Nice reflexes, Loop!

(Everyone starts laughing happily.)

(You laugh alongside them.)

(You're surrounded by your allies....)

(Your heart lifts.)

(You love them.)

(You're glad you got to spend time with them.)

(You're glad you know them better.)

(You're glad--)

Bonnie: Hey, Loop, everything good? Want more snacks?

Loop: (You smile.) "Of course, Snack Leader!"

Bonnie: Heheh! Then eat! As much as you want!!!

(You all laughed and ate under the stars.)

(Tomorrow, once again, you'll go into the House, and fight the Scary Lady.)

(But today.... today, you are happy.)

[giyrut-girlie]

(queer) jews in my phone i need help/love

this is a long ass post im so sorry lmfao, im putting it in under the cut to save you all but also if people have head space pls read <3

on friday night, i found myself the last of the shabbat guests (who weren't staying the night) at the Rabbi's house. i had asked my housemate to pick me up at 10:30, but everyone else left before 10.

the kids and rabbi's wife had gone to bed, so it was me, the Rabbi, and two older frum guys who stay over shabbat most weeks to be closer to shul.

for some context, earlier in the evening one of these guys had asked another dinner guest (a med student who I'm good friends with, she's a year or two younger than me) whether trans issues came up in her study. the two of us youngins made brief "help me" eye contact and she answered saying that yes, they did cover trans issues given that as a doctor she will, at some point or another, treat trans patients. the subject was changed, but the room was a bit tense.

so: 10pm, i'm sitting at the table, a little tipsy from all the wine, just hanging out until my ride comes.

the rabbi says "hey ella, i have a question for you now that everyone else (by which he means the not-so-frum people) is gone." and i Just Knew what he was about to ask.

i won't go into extreme detail about the actual conversation, but to sum it up: I was asked my opinion on trans folk, i said that i am supportive and do in fact believe trans people about their identities and was Shut All The Way Down. if i cited statistics i was told that actually they'd seen the opposite, if i tried to explain a study i was familiar with, i was told that they didn't think that was true. i actually don't know how i stayed calm, bc my mind and body were telling me that i was Unsafe basically the entire time (thanks anxiety disorder really did me a solid there /s).

eventually 10:30 rolled around and i had a get out of jail free to skip the rest of that fuck awful conversation, and my housemate was very nice to listen to my debriefing. while talking to her i came to the realisation that one of the main factors in the disagreement was that the rabbi didn't actually value the wisdom of any cultures/teachings/histories outside of judaism. if I talked about sistergirls of the torres strait, or māhū of hawai'i, that was dismissed essentially as goyische nonsense.

this whole conversation has been a Fucking Downer for my mental health. i actually broke shabbat (beyond my usual one melacha to be in the clear and sneaky housemate taxi service) that night bc my thoughts were racing too much to sleep without putting on some comfort media.

but beyond the mental health stuff (though probably actually very related) i've found myself really struggling with judaism since friday night. having my rabbi, who has been helping me through conversion, and who i have really valued as a teacher, and the only two other frum people in the community be so overtly transphobic all at once has really taken me for a spin. like, my rabbi is a lubavitcher, i knew that he was going to be fairly conservative about some stuff, but he literally told me that he only uses the correct pronouns for one of our community members as a "personal favour", and essentially told me that she was good evidence against trans acceptance bc nothing she could ever do would ever make her not a man (and you better believe this involved a lot of comments about her appearance)

to put the icing on the cake, when i dropped off his kids today (i nanny for them once a week), he handed me a book that upon research is basically the jk rowling talking point bible. he said to me that it was a really good book for me to read and that it might help fight some of the "mob mentality" (interesting term for scientific consensus but okay)

(also i had actually looked up my own citations from the discussion later and found myself to be very much correct in my recitation of statistics, but you better believe i wasn't petty enough to forward them on)

ANYWAY if anyone is still reading i'm fucking bummed and super anxious about interacting with my community, my conversion, finding the balance between really truly wanting to pursue an orthodox lifestyle and also being queer myself etc etc

i live in a really small jewish community and can't really leave until i finish my degree in 2026, so i can't exactly just find a more accepting rabbi or shul.

anyone have any advice, or just some solidarity for feeling shitty in this space? love u jews in my phone xx

[sherbetpoetry]

an ode to being happy

sitting in a pale blue nightgown on her dirty carpet floor, spraying hairspray into a plastic bag, her friend tells her she needs to love less

“why? why shouldn’t i give my whole heart to girls i love?”

“i want you to be happy”

“but i am!! i’m happy like this”

“you’re huffing hairspray and taking shots of vanilla extract. you’re not happy. you do this to escape”

“maybe i just do it for fun, maybe i am happy and want the world to move in pastel spirals when i look at it too long”

“you’re manic, lizzy. you’re a bipolar girl who tried to kill herself twice just because a girl didn’t like you. you need to love less”

“i don’t. my love is beautiful and i want everyone who i love to know how much they mean to me, i want to make myself happy with the amount of love i bathe others in.”

“and when you don’t get the love you give you’re hanging yourself from the wisteria trees in the backyard, with a suicide note the shape of a heart, in a frilly pink dress. you treat yourself like a child in death, yet an adult in life and love”

i am not yet an adult but no longer a child, i'm drunk and writing in a pink pajama set with strawberry shortcake on it

my canopy bed is covered in lace and under it i bleed

even when i was young i wasn't happy, i hit myself on the head with a hairbrush because my hair wasn't perfectly straight, i wanted to be a girl i wasn't, i wanted to be a woman with long black hair and a tiny waist

i have been "happy" in my life, spending money, stealing car keys, drinking a bottle of robitussin on a thursday in february, knowing i would get addicted.

but really, i have been happy.

reading under moonlight in a kansas summer, the humidity wrinkling yellowed pages, dancing in my room, completely sober on a saturday

i've been manic, ive been so depressed i tried to die, but i've been happy too

sleeping over at a friends house, on buses in france, i forgot to take my meds then and i was still happy.

screaming my lungs out at a concert, my oldest friends next to me

sitting under the spring sun at a rocky beach, feeding pigeons turkish delight and cheese.

on a train, eating grocery store chocolate croissants, looking out at endlessly bright grass

i tried to die because i thought nothing could top that

nothing could top not understanding anything anyone was saying yet still feeling at home in a giant palace

but the feeling of looking out the window into bright midnight sky filtered through leaves being while an air mattress slowly deflates under you feels like home when you're in love

dying is not the solution for living without love

(im drunk sorry if this is shitty i just felt like writing about loving life and being happy even when ur like mentally fucked)

[instructionsnotincluded]

urgh i’m sure you’re sick of hearing about it but i have no friends who watch obx and idk where else to channel my feelings 😭 I AM SO UPSET. I genuinely can’t believe they’ve done this, i was lulled into a false sense of security by the announcement for season 5 because i thought surely Rudy would hang on for one final season. I was so convinced rafe would die after his goodbye to sophia that i was distracted from the real danger (sidebar i hated that they build up that relationship just to end it in one sentence over a phone call, i really had hope after rafe telling her it was okay).

I wish they’d brought it to a close this season so badly and just given them a happy ending. The worst part is i was genuinely enjoying part 2 for the most part even with the crazy plot lines. I was hopeful we’d get some real resolution following JJs crash out with him facing up to his issues and talking it out, particularly with Kiara.

The lack of Jiara was genuinely so jarring and obvious i assumed it was intentional and would come to some sort of head wherein JJ would acknowledge how distant he had been and there would be some kind of emotional breakthrough/makeup for the couple but NO. like they really gave us nothing like the handshake when they parted ways had me screaming WHAT WAS THAT.

the death was so so badly done like obviously we would never be happy with JJs death but there were so many better ways around it, having him actively die protecting the pogues not just randomly being stabbed while standing around, having him actually get to say goodbye to them?! POPE NEVER GETTING TO SAY I LOVE YOU BACK?? and like why was he buried in the sand in fucking morocco that literally broke my heart like alone and to be forgotten and never visited in the fucking desert?? Im so angry i’ve been so excited for this season for the longest time and had so much hope based off part 1, i really felt like they’d been listening to the fans and giving us what we wanted in terms of season 1 vibes and i was so hyped to rewatch it all once i finished yesterday, but now the entire thing feels so tainted??

he suffered so much for absolutely nothing and no reason whatsoever. i feel i can’t even rewatch the parts of pt2 that i enjoyed again because they’re so tainted by the jarring energy between rudy and maddison now that i know it’s not part of the plot. it’s so glaringly obvious that none of this was planned, even if there’s some truth in them initially wanting JJ killed off there’s no way they would’ve followed through with it after seeing how much of a fan favourite he became. like they really gave bro an entire arc of suffering with no resolution other than him saving sarah then just killed him??

i feel so upset today idek what to do with myself, i can no longer enjoy any of my jj content without feeling so heartbroken. at least if they’d just had him leave or given him some form of resolution before his death the whole series wouldn’t feel so tainted… sorry for this insanely long ramble i just needed to offload this somewhere. thank god for people like you working harder than these god damn writers to produce actual good plots 😭💗

Never be sorry! We're all upset! I haven't seen any post or response defending the season, like I do really think everyone hated the ending and hated the way it went down. I've seen a lot about just wishing it had gone down different, not that he didn't die, but that it was for an actual reason. Which is a complaint I have about a lot of actual books. I'm not upset someone died, I'm just upset that it always feels pointless and makes the story feel like it should never have happened.

I was also lulled into the false sense of security with season five. I thought for sure it was because Rudy wanted to leave and they decided to give it a proper ending and not doing anything drastic with his character. Oh how I was wrong. My hope is that Rafe and Sofia are able to work through things in season five, and that they can get to a better place, because I do think they really love each other, and I do think they still do. But I guess we'll see if they force Kiara and Rafe together or not...

You can very much tell that there is a lot of tension between JJ and Kiara because there's a lot of tension between the actors. It was not hidden well at all, they barely interact with one another and if you haven't watched Season three or the first part of season four, you would never know they were supposed to be in love. If anything, it looked like they hated each other.

JJ's entire death scene and the scenes following were just piss poor. Everything about it was bad, and I think it's because everyone knew that this was going to be bad. Everyone knew this would end the show. They're literally watching and filming the end of this series and these stories and they couldn't do anything to make it better. I think it feels and looks so bad, because they felt the same way we do about it.

I'm upset too, it's been a trash week and it feels like the one thing we were looking forward to made it so much worse. It's ok to be upset, and it's ok to not want to see or read anything to do with the Pogues right now. Totally understandable. I felt the same way right after, like do I want to take a break from Audrey and JJ for a while? But I decided that JJ's still alive as long as we write him, as long as we love him, and I think we all deserve that.

[decepti-thots]

I was in the tumblr tf fandom for a hot second a few years ago and i just wanted to ask, is it still really aggressive here? because back then there was a lot of shipping drama, there were a few callout posts going around (can't really remember about what) and just...a lot of bad stuff. I personally had someone tell me to kill myself because I liked one of the villains. guess I'm just wondering if, in your opinion, things have chilled out? Cuz I'd like to get back into it but I'm a little hesitant;;;

I'm going to try and give the fullest answer I can in the best faith to this! For context, this blog is a couple years old now, I have enough followers that I get a lot of active engagement on my posts etc, I am very active in TF fandom here, Twitter, and IRL, and while I did not used to be active I have been lurking in TF fandom as long as I have been on Tumblr.

There is absolutely still some toxicity; all fandoms have their bad faith actors, their drama hounds, their shipping Diskhorsers TM. I have gotten hate mail, I know folks who have issue with weird anon haters who are persistent, whatever. But no, it is not as bad as it has been in the past, IMO, not at ALL, and it is 100% possible to have an active, sociable and nice time in this fandom so long as you curate your engagement, with basically no drama at all. Many of the worst folks burned out and left when the fandom got less active and their shitstirring paid lesser and lesser dividends, IME.

People sometimes ask how I maintain such a vocal presence without falling into the still-there drama, and I have some advice that I promise you will mitigate like, 99% of the possible issues you could encounter:

Block whenever you feel like blocking. If you get a bad vibe, if you just don't personally like someone and don't wanna see them, if you see them throwing what looks like a temper tantrum you don't want in on, just block 'em. Remember: blocking is nothing personal towards the person you are blocking. It is not insulting and doesn't need to be 'earned'. Block every single person you think not blocking might even just theoretically cause stress or drama. (I am blocked by several people for reasons no more serious than 'I hate your OTP', and I commend every one of them for doing it and having a better time on this site!)

Delete any and all anon hate. Block anyone and everyone who sends you hate. No exceptions. No witty comebacks. No takedowns. Nothing. You see it and the actual literal second you do, you block and delete. None of it is worth one second of your time. Deprived of the oxygen, they will leave. And you won't be tempted to re-read it and stress out.

In that same vein, if it causes issues, just turn anon off! Turn it off. Personally I keep it on because I simply do not care about the odd troll, but if you care even slightly? Fuck 'em, turn it off, anon is a privilege your followers need to earn by acting in good faith.

Find people you like and follow them, ignore blatant shitstirring in the maintags (again: block people!) and try to curate content and follows and mutuals based on what you do like and not what you don't. Curate positive engagement; do not rely on the general fandom slurry, find what you like and hang out in your own corner of things that bring you joy. If the maintag stresses you out: don't check it. Check the blogs of folks you know are cool instead. Stuff like that.

Fandom should be fun. Fandom should be finding people you like and sharing good times with them, not stressing about avoiding folks you hate, or who hate you. Tumblr lets you moderate how you engage, when, and where more than almost any current social media site; now you can even turn off reblogs and oh my GOD is that a lifesaver function btw. If you want, you can make your blog unsearchable! It means you will need to be more proactive in making friends. But TF fandom is pretty tight knit these days, and folks want to talk a lot of the time. You'll still be able to engage with cool people.

There's way less aggro losers around these days, but more to the point, you can absolutely avoid the ones that still insist on being annoying and starve them out without much effort, tbh.

[tpwkwriter]

Our love.

Oohhh How Ive missed this.

I hope everyone has had and received everything they’ve wished for,this Christmas/festive time if you’ve celebrated❤️🎄

Here’s to a happy new year and new writings! 🥳

Defo tried a different style Not sure on it, got a bit carried away at the end 🤪 hope you enjoy nonetheless x

— — — — — —

Love.

Love was a word that meant different to everybody.

Love was often shown through kisses and warm embraces though this was a way of showing affection also went skin deep.

The love between y/n and Harry was a love that could only be described as a soul mate connection. Caring and nurturing was each others favourite.

Harry’s love language mainly spoke physical contact and acts of service.

Wether it a hand resting absentmindedly on y/n’s thigh as they drove, his arm snaked around her waist when together, or simply his head resting on her at all times. You name it. He did it.

Everyone who knew Harry, knew nothing would stand in his way of caring for his lovie. Not only did his protective side come out but also his caring and gentleman ways did too. “Ready love?” He’d ask slipping his car keys in his pocket. “Mmhmm” she’d hum in response, flying from her seat heading to the door “hang on darlin” he’d say not hesitating to prop down on one knee in front of her “H?” Without an answer he was tying her lose shoelace of her favourite trainers. “Don’t want to fall hmm?” He says rising up and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

Of course he was just as sweet when out and about. “Get this side love” he said stopping them both on the path and swapping themselves so that he’s on the side the cars drive past, “see y’do love me, don’t wanna see me get flattened by a car” the girl teased locking hands with him. “Don’t tell anyone, but maybe I do..jus’ a tiny bit” he smirked.

He was also just as protective, even over the simplest of things. For instance.

One morning when you decided to cook up breakfast for the both of you, one thing made H change his mind 🤭

“ ah fuck, that hurt” the girl winced instantly checking the finger she accidentally cut while using the knife. “What lovie??” He said instantly turning around to face his girl. “Cut myself on that stupid thing” she sighed. “Oh baby” he whispered “lemme patch you up and I’ll finish this off” he claimed “harry it’s jus a-“. “Uh uh cant have you missing a finger”

His protective ways could also be seen in social settings.

While walking around London hand in hand, he notices a group of girls who seemed to be very clearly fans, H wouldn’t normally have a problem with greeting or even thanking fans in the street but he always worried of there reaction around y/n. “Stay behind me okay?” He said removing his locked hands from yours and wrapping his around her waist “harry” she giggled “m’pretty sure there a group of 16 year olds” she said referring to the size and maturity levels of the girls “still, there’s always someone thats unhappy that im happy, dont need them telling the paps my girlfriends here” he said using us free hand to pull his hoodie up, “don’t think it’s me there looking for” and just then they were knocked out there thoughts. “Harry!!” One of the girls squealed “please can we get a photo, IM such a fan” she says eagerly handing him her phone “s’Not a problem but please don’t post it until im perhaps out of here?” He politely asks taking the phone “mmhmmmm” she swiftly nods, he reluctantly lets go of his girls hand and takes the selfie. When the fan was rambling on about the amount of shows she had been too He realises there was a couple of girls sneaking pictures, normally he would’ve by passed it but noticing there trying to get y/n in the shot his instincts came out “um yeah thanks, thanks for all the support” he said offering his hand out, as the fan walks back to her group he wastes no time in making sure y/n’s privacy wasn’t invaded.

“Put these on my love, M’sorry” he said hand her sunglasses and his cap while she smiles and places them on he wraps his arm firmly and protectively over her and tries to leave before more people come out.

Though being in a relationship with H was an adventure and an interesting ride, neither of you would change it for the world.

And that’s what love meant to the both of you.

[moveme4nt]

FRESH CUT GRASS AND ROASTED MARSHMALLOWS

falling in love with the quidditch player from the house you despise oh so much

˚✧ ♡˚✧♡ ˚✧♡ ˚✧♡ ˚✧♡ ˚✧ ♡˚✧♡ ˚✧♡ ˚✧♡ ˚✧

2 months later

things have been going so well with jeno and i! he takes me on cute dates and i go to his games and practices as much as i can, even as far as wearing one of his gryffindor sweaters he gave me for games where they don’t play against ravenclaw.

evalynn has gotten a little distant though which is weird. she says shes just behind on studying and it’s stressing her out but even haechan and renjun have noticed a shift. i always see her at the quidditch practices but shes all the way on the opposite side of where we usually sit and wont even acknowledge when i wave to her.

we still hang out sometimes and both of us pretend there’s nothing going on but somethings clearly different.

today we’re in our shared room, classes just ended for the holidays and we’re just chatting and “modeling” each others clothes, giggling our heads off at how ridiculous we look. everyone else has gone home to their families but ev and i promised that this year we’d spend christmas together at hogwarts.

i pull a nice summer-y dress from her clothes and hold it up to my shoulders, checking myself out in the mirror.

“soooo, how’re things with jeno?” she smiles through the mirror. i blush and look down.

“good,,, great actually. hes so sweet, and thoughtful. he’s constantly buying me flowers or other small things, always telling me im the prettiest thing to walk the earth.” i roll my eyes and she chuckles.

“sounds like i was right all along you guys are PERFECT for each other.” i laugh and throw the dress at her.

“mhm suuuure.” we haven’t genuinely had fun together like this in a while. it feels nice.

“ugh im so glad classes are over for a while! i swear if i had to even look at a pencil for another second i was gonna scream my head off.” she dramatically falls back onto her bed. i sigh.

“i knoooow! divination was so exhausting the last couple of days, thank god trelawny decided to pair us all up for the rest of the semester.” she shoots up.

“oh yeah! i heard you were paired with jaemin ouuuuuu.” she wiggles her brows, but there’s something slightly off abt her voice. i ignore it.

“no ouuuuu ya weirdo i dont even like him anymore i have jeno remember? he is very nice though but i guess thats just the standard hufflepuff idk.” she goes silent for a moment as i return to rummaging her closet.

“hm maybe you could put in a good word for me then? get me a quidditch boyfriend too.” i freeze as i watch her lay back down from the mirror, arms behind her head and a smug look on her face. is that,,,,

“is that why you’ve been so weird lately?” i stare at her through the mirror and watch as her eyes shoot open. “have you wanted jaemin this whole time? is that why you threw jeno at me?” she sits up and looks at me, trying to hide her nervousness. i turn to look directly at her, no more mirror.

“what no- lena i-“ her eyes never stop shifting. im angered, my body rising in heat by the second.

“what if jeno didn’t stick? what if he never came up to me at all? did you pay him or something? yall have some sort of deal? did he actually ever like me to begin with?” im breathing so heavily right now. “what if i decided to pursue jaemin? would you have still been my friend?” her eyes shift to the window. wow.

“the rest of that stuff no! he genuinely did like you from the start, you can even ask chenle and jisung for yourself. but yes, i did- do like jaemin and thought using what i knew about jeno liking you would make it easier if,,,,” i take a deep inhale and close my eyes to try and calm myself.

“if i were distracted.” i open my eyes again and she nods before looking down at her hands.

“im sorry lena i know it was a shitty move but-“

“A SHITTY MOVE??? YOU BASICALLY STOPPED TALKING TO ME- now that i think about it,,, you did start being nice again around the time jaemin and i got paired,,, you’re despicable, like honestly.” i move to my side of the room and grab my phone. she stands up, watching me walk to the door.

“mags wait thats not-“ i pause, my hand on the door knob.

“its the fact that i can’t even believe a word you say now. how do i know whats true and what isn’t?” she tries to get closer but i glare at her and she stops.

“like i said you can ask chenle and jisung theyre the ones who tol-“ i scoff.

“the two boys who are your friends? how am i supposed to know they aren’t in on it too? do you think im that gullible?” she stays silent. “wow, just,,,, wow” and i walk out to go clear my head in the common room.

we don’t speak to each other the rest of break.

i ignore the thousands of texts from jeno.

i don’t even look at the present he left me.

six /

[schizononagesimus]

can i ask what you're withdrawing from? no matter what substance it's so hard. wishing you a smoother ride <3

Like, everything, dude. It was bad. I wasn't planning on being specific about it but like, that was just out of shame and shame is for losers which I am decidedly not, so. Long post incoming, and a lot of information you didn't ask for. I know so, so many people who say that they use too much of their substance of choice and have tried and failed to stop that I just felt the need to really elaborate... plus, it serves as a reminder for me as to why I'm quitting.

Right now I'm struggling with coke withdrawal because I caved literally the day after I started trying to get sober (my roommate gave me a talk about the possibility of transference to worse shit shortly after I declared cold turkey, and well... Sorry if you're reading this, nawee, you were right and I'm trying and I very quickly learned and I'm sorry for being too scared to tell you).

Everyone where I live does coke like drinking fucking water and it's super normalized if you go to bars or parties or clubs or like, fucking anywhere really. Always wanted to try it, did that a year ago, NOPE. Not even once. Don't fuck with coke, kids. Especially when it's so available. And don't be naïve and say you just need to hang out with "the right people" because this can happen to ANYBODY. One moment of hedonistic indulgence and you're fucked.

And that's without the coke being cut with fent, which... mine might've been, man, I've had coke cravings before but never anything this bad. I was being stupid and snorted coke from someone I don't know because I was down for anything because my brain was just screaming at me (if you know what OCD thoughts feel like, drug cravings feel a lot like that). I dunno what a speedball feels like because I'm not a coke connesieur--that's me with weed and shrooms--so I really don't know what I took, and that's like harm reduction 101- know what you're taking, and who you're getting it from. I should also note, I don't even fucking like coke, it was just there so my brain said "why not" (which is generally my attitude to free drugs, which is very very bad).

Anyway, so on to what else was the problem! Why did I need to get sober to start with? Well, I was smoking enough weed that I started to puke every time I did it, and then I greened out in class (see why no one here can know who I am in the academic world?). That was when I realized I had a problem. I was smoking so much weed before class because, to quote the post I literally made just before making this decision: "ive experienced such vile antisemitism in my queer studies class this year that im [...] going to class high...", which essentially amounts to "I am so afraid I need to not feel in order to function." I have no idea if I had anyone in that class fooled as to why I was so fucked up, but I did feign food poisoning after I left the classroom to lie on the cold tile of the public university bathroom and a woman saw me lying there over a toilet and asked if I was okay. The moment I lied was the moment I noticed something was very deeply wrong and had been for a while. I was so sick I considered taking myself to hospital. When I started coming to after coming home and passing out for hours, I remembered why I started doing drugs to start with: they're fun. This wasn't fun anymore.

But with weed, man, I've been smoking weed since I was 15. There was just nothing else to do in my hometown. I never smoked much, and I always knew what I liked because I've been smoking pot for over a decade. I don't even really like weed highs that much; literally it is just something to do when you're bored. Another rule of doing drugs "safely" (there is no safe way to do drugs, only safe-r ways) is don't do them because you're bored or sad or avoiding something etc. I was all three of those things, plus just trying to feel anything but the constant stress and fear. Did I realize something was wrong when my grandpa offered me weed and I felt so relieved to just get high after being sober the whole trip? No, of course not.

So then we can talk about the fact that I was getting nearly blackout drunk twice a week. Genuinely, I'd been trying to drink less prior to this. I had started having really bad stomach problems every time I drank especially wine, so I was trying to cut down (fun fact, this was likely a result from drinking too much in the first place, and I'm very glad I listened to my body). The problem? I don't back down from a challenge. I'll chug anything. If I'm drunk enough, I'm the challenger. I'm the guy who finishes people's drinks because they "know I can" and get me to drink more. Don't even get me started on the fact that people love giving me free drinks for being charming and talented (I... I wish I was kidding but that's just what I've been told). But basically, I see drinking like a competition, and I have two separate friend circles who like to go out every week, ergo, getting properly shitfaced twice a week. Luckily because I had been cutting back, alcohol is the least of my problems right now, it's more the social element that's dangerous and I need to be changing where and how I hang out with people, too. Fun fact: I can drink alone because I don't actually like being drunk (another pro tip- if you don't like how something feels, maybe don't do it!), I just think beer tastes nice, so I'll have one with a meal once in like a literal blue moon (haha... ha. Get it.) Another scary story for you, a friend of mine who is virtually a drinking buddy (red flag #1 and, list of relationships I need to change) and I were drinking at her house (red flag #2) and she invited a new person to introduce me to after taking us outside to smoke a buncha pot (substances in my body at this point: 2) and some cigarettes (substances: 3, red flag #3). I don't even like being crossfaded literally at all (I don't like being drunk or weed high so??? Why would I do this??? The answer is addiction but we're getting to that). I was already very drunk, and beginning to get nauseated from the weed thanks to my new problem when the usually-pleasant dizziness of cigarettes kicked in as we took the lift up to my friend's apartment. My introduction to this new person she was having me meet was me excusing myself to throw up in the bathroom at like 4pm on a Sunday. There is a time and a place, and this was not it.

So let's take a tally: so far, we're at three substances, with two left to go.

Cigarettes. I've learned a lot of people don't even think of them as a drug, which is kind of fucking insane, considering... well, everything about them. I started smoking a little over a year ago because I always thought I'd like it (we'll get into some mild pathology shortly), then continued because it was fun and accessible, and then by October I was smoking more and more because of unavoidable stress (gee I wonder what happened in October that could've caused that!). I was smoking so much that I was smoking through having the fucking FLU and while marching myself to the urgent care for tamiflu I chainsmoked so much I puked in the urgent care for what I lied and told them was "unrelated to why I was there." I only starting smoking more after that. Now, I've never been a pack-a-day type, but once I'd hiked my way up to smoking five a day and feeling absolutely nothing from it--just doing "maintenance"--I wanted to smoke less so it could become fun again. I should also note that I did restrict myself in some ways with cigarettes, because I wouldn't smoke after like, 8pm unless it was a night out because they made me too wired to sleep. Quitting cigarettes has been the hardest thing (which is what everyone says), but it's even harder because 1) they literally help you quit the harder stuff (another fun fact, cigarettes make you crave alcohol and weed less, I saw it in an NIH study somewhere (I can't find it bc I'm bad at Words to do the Google thing); problem is that conversely drinking makes you want to smoke and smoking makes you need to drink more to feel drunk) and 2) This is the one drug I actually genuinely like, and I don't intend on quitting it fully, I just want to reframe it as a fun thing not a maintenance thing, which is really difficult because see point #1.

And finally, shrooms. These guys genuinely were a good idea, for a while. Seriously- shrooms helped me a lot. I take certain medications which happen to prevent or stop bad trips, so I only ever had a good time... for a while. It helped me work out a lot of emotional stuff. No hangover, would feel great for days after... And then I started doing them everyday because I was in the middle of such a bad bipolar episode that I was either manic or suicidal one minute to the next and totally spiralled out of control. I barely even remember those weeks, I just remember not being able to walk hardly because I was so high, crying myself to sleep because I didn't want to be high anymore, I just wanted to be happy. The thing is about shrooms is that they'll only amplify whatever you've got going on, which I consciously knew, but you're not thinking logically when you're in the middle of a bipolar swing. I tried doing them every other week after that, and eventually stopped entirely when I finally realized it wasn't helping. And yes- I was following microdosing advice, it just super isn't for me. I settled on doing one trip a month, which really did help my mental health for a time, but it was just a bandaid, like any addiction is. Then when I started having my additional addiction issues come to fruition I started taking shrooms to go out, and man, taking shrooms as a party drug is so not the move because they're so wonderfully meditative, but I was taking them just because I had some on hand. You can see where the drug problem was starting to be realized. I still genuinely think shrooms can be great but 1) sparingly 2) in the right environment 3) not as an unsupervised mental health aid (especially if you have bipolar). This period of time was really when I started expressing addictive behaviours in a serious way, I think.

I can spot about sixty different reasons I ended up here. Trauma's a good start. Birth father was a serious addict and so was my mom, and later in life my parents were teetotallers because of it. I straight up just thought drugs seemed like a good time because I got into rave music and metal via scene kid culture in like 2010 (which I am still into those things and god it's not helping). Potential of partying in undergrad dashed by lockdown, saved for graduate school emotional breakdowns. Bipolar disorder. Being an academic should be on the list for things that might make you addiction prone, good lord (and not to mention cigarettes being part od the classic academic and poet aesthetics, both of which I am). I like going clubbing and dancing and raves. And really, I just always knew I'd like drugs, had a bucket list of ways I wanted to experience them, and so when I had the ability to do so, I did. Truthfully though, I don't regret any of this. I got the experiences I wanted, and I'm facing the consequences, but for me, that's part of life; there's no use in regretting your actions having very obvious and predictable consequences, like, once it's done, it's done.

Now I'm in the position of smoking half a cigarette a few times a day so I don't take a shitton of benadryl or literally slit my wrists. Now I say that second part very specifically because cutting is also an addiction, and something I have been trying not to do for most of my entire life. Trauma's a bitch like that, and many other comorbidities. I'd avoided cutting entirely until a couple weeks ago and I scared myself so shitless with it that I did a buncha drugs instead! Holy shit, but like... Better? I guess? Basically, I'm so afraid of the world that I'd rather not experience it at all, but I don't actually want to die, so instead I just have to microdose self-destruction so I can feel in control of the fear. See how that sentence could've been about, say, alcoholism or cutting?

My goal is not to be totally clean forever; I do just really like cigarettes and a good beer occasionally, I just don't want it to be a coping mechanism, I want it to be fun, and I want to be alive.

Thank you and everyone for your kind words recently, it has genuinely made getting through this so much easier.

And yes, I'm seeking professional help.